Enter Barney L. U. E., looking badly as if from a drunken
debauch.
131st Soldier and Soldiers. Guardhouse! Guardhouse!
Barney. (Stopping, &c.) Close up them holes in your face;
the flies may get inside and blow you.
1st Sol., &c. Pull up yer trowsers, they are wearing out your
heels. (Soldiers laugh. Barney enraged.)
Barney. I will have that thafe killed that got so many idiots
down here.
1st Sol. Turn off the gas or your head will collapse.
Barney. (Throwing off hat and coat, L.) Come out here
with them idiots. Come out! Come out! (Spanks his hand
on floor.)
1st Sol. Ah-r, Barney, get out, we were only in fun.
Barney. Go away wid you for a thafe and blackguard ye are.
1st Sol. Come, Barney, let’s have a drink and make up.
(Soldier produces bottle. Barney looks incredulous, as if expecting
some imposition. He approaches very slowly.)
Barney. And you have no sickness in it?
1st Sol. Ah-r, what do you take us for? (Barney takes
bottle and attempts to drink. Finds it empty. Flings it out L.
Spanks his hand on the floor. Soldiers laugh very loud.)
Barney. Come out! Come out, you thafe er the worruld!
I’ll bat your dam head off you. Come out! (Gen. Halcom turns,
looks at them a moment. Barney subsides, and as he puts on
coat and hat, turns often to see if Hal. is looking at him. Enter
Orderly L. U. E.)
Orderly. (To Gen. Hal.) A note, sir, from the commander-in-chief.
Halcom. One moment (reads note). Say to the commander-in-chief
that the enemy are massing on our immediate front.
(Orderly salutes and retires L. U. E.) The picket will report
to chief of brigade guard. (Pickets retire. L. U. E. Halcom
follows slowly. Soon a squad of rebel soldiers enter R. with
Keele. Brightly peering cautiously. D’A. shows R. U. E. A
picket fires out L. U. E. A return shot and he falls. Three
other shots and rebels retire R., but soon come slowly back.)
Brightly. Some of those Yankees have learned to shoot
since this fight began. (To men.) Take that body behind the
hill and bury it. (Rebel soldiers drag the body out R.)
D’A. (Approaching, handing Brightly a note.) An order
from the commander.
Brightly. (Reads and throws it down.) I take no orders
from any one.
14D’A. Are you a soldier or brigand?
Brightly. Either you please.
D’A. The laws of every nation compel allegiance to the
country that gives its protection.
Brightly. Protection, did you say?
D’A. Aye, protection!
Brightly. When this confederacy finds itself able to stand
alone, it may assume impudence enough to ask my allegiance
on account of the protection it can give.
D’A. As did the colonies in the first insurrection, this government
holds the inhabitants of its territory subject to the
military conscription.
Brightly. Its object, an asylum for broken down political
beats.
D’A. A separation from the free states!
Brightly. Which I oppose.
D’A. Then, sir, you are a traitor.
Brightly. Be careful, young man; you are not robust
enough to use such talk with a man. I fight to repel Yankee
intrusion upon our domestic affairs.
D’A. A patriotism that simply asks protection for your
pocket.
Brightly. Whose reaches farther?
D’A. Who has no pride in a magnificent nationality, would
simply root his way through the world like a hog, for the benefit
of his stomach.
Brightly. Well, who gets, or cares for more?
D’A. He whose ambition leaps the instinct of the animal, to
achieve honor, magnificence and power.
Brightly. You had that before and the north paid the bills.
This is simply a domestic fight.
D’A. For the liberty and honor of the south.
Brightly. Liberty and honor? The world very properly
forgot both when the crusade ended. A country hampered with
slavery and the arrogance of wealth, prating of liberty and
honor!
D’A. Well, you have graduated at a school that can say even
more.
Brightly. Honor is a bag of gas for the mouth. A presumptuous
idea manufactured for the occasion.
D’A. Well?
Brightly. While driving a sharp bargain for a soul and body
15in a black hide, or speculating on deceptive conclusions, did
you ever feel it?
D’A. I have done neither.
Brightly. I spoke of the custom of the country you defend.
D’A. Well?
Brightly. What is liberty? An unwanted, useless thing,
stamped upon in every prosperous part of the country. Even
the old cradle of our fabled liberty rocks for the benefit of the
capitalist, who starves his brainless neighbor for the benefit of
his vanity. I do not disagree with him. From the beginning,
custom, law and tradition have said, it is to him that can. In
nature, the large fish eat the smaller. The same of the birds
and beasts. The world is a slave pen. Statutes never made a
man free. Take in the boasted freedom and civilization of New
England, are her working people more free than ours? Does
the working man dare assert the rights of a freeman there?
The hypocrisy of this presumption is manifest everywhere. The
rich demand the servile submission of the poor, and they give it
or starve! Be frank. Say that you fight to control for your
pocket and stomach. Unite with the slaveholders of the north
and shed no more aristocratic blood. Say he that works for
another is a slave, and I am with you.
D’A. Are you done?
Brightly. For the present.
D’A. For the last three years the regulators have lived a life
of brigandage for your benefit. They now demand that you
shall receive your orders from the department commander.
Brightly. Ah, indeed! Then they propose that the tail
shall wag the dog.
D’A. The last trap to which you led cost half the command.
Take your orders from the proper source, or they refuse to follow
you farther.
Brightly. This is treason!
D’A. In this instance, it is to him that can.
Brightly. Then they would command?
D’A. Or be commanded for a less purposeless object.
Brightly. How long since these brainless brutes set themselves
up to direct the intellectual part of this campaign?
D’A. Since they have learned that they are without a competent
leader.
Brightly. Are they not thieves and drunkards by instinct?
D’A. I will convey the insult to the troops.
16Brightly. And as much to yourself!
D’A. When the country has used my life to its satisfaction,
I will resent that in a proper manner. For the present it shall
help to make the nation.
Brightly. A nation? What are nations? The synonym of
two neighbors who fight across a fence over the scratch of a hen.
Their dogs assume the dangerous roles. If the leaders of this
breakup were compelled to shoulder a rifle and take themselves
to the front, there would be no war. Instead, that Christian
concession they call the “Peace Congress,” would come to the
front so quick, it would excite your admiration, and its present
auxiliaries would still live to swallow insults, instead of sneaking
behind the servile hounds they push to the front.
D’A. And the brave and honorable Brigand Chief, whose
chivalrous ilk forbids such dishonor, would still steal on his
helpless enemy at night, though it wore a petticoat, in sightless
slumber, and compel the knife and torch to hide his cowardice!
Brightly. (Drawing knife.) I will not wait for the birth of
a nation to settle that insult!
D’A. (Drawing.) This result is your own seeking! (As
they attempt to fight, Hood dashes in L. U. E. and intercepts.)
Hood. Hold! Is there not blood enough wasted already?
(Both attempt to speak.) Not a word, gentlemen! There is a
chance for your sanguinary extravagance at the front. D’Arneaux,
an hour since you volunteered for the enemy’s lines. Do
you serve the army by quarrels with ruffians? Attend to your
business, or leave it with better hands. Now, too! (Neither
move.) I command here! (Both leave slowly. Brightly L.,
D’A. R.) So do the ruffianly elements divide my strength, and
ruin the efficiency of the army. Half the pickets are drunk or
asleep. I am not surprised that the federals push their advance
to our very camp fires. (Hez. creeps on very cautiously at L.
U. E., cocking gun at port.)
Hezekiah. How de dew? (Hood starts and turns. Both
eye each other a moment in silence.)
Hood. Well?
Hezekiah. I s’pose your my meat.
Hood. Can you direct me to the federal headquarters, sir?
Hezekiah. (Looking at Hood a moment.) I’ll be darned if
ye hain’t got me. Old Tecump keeps his office on top of his old
white horse most of the time.
Hood. (Pointing R.) I think, sir, in this direction.
17Hezekiah. Don’t you go there! Johnnies are thicker in
them woods than lunatics in a crazy house. Jest popped one
on ’em, less ’n half an hour ago.
Hood. I have some valuable information for the federal commander.
Hezekiah. You git out! Is old Hood got shot?
Hood. Not to my knowledge.
Hezekiah. I bin wantin’ to light on that old critter’s kerrin
for over a month. If I get a bead on him, Old Secesh is goin’
ter have a fewneral.
Hood. I am very anxious, sir, and no time to lose.
Hezekiah. I bin whoopin’ on that line since daylight. I’m
hungrier than a Floridy allagater.
Hood. (Turning to leave.) I must be moving. Good day,
sir.
Hezekiah. Say! Ye hain’t got nothin’ in yer pocket ter
scald a feller’s in’ards, have ye?
Hood. I regret, sir, that I cannot accommodate you. Good
day, sir. (Attempts to leave R.)
Hezekiah. If ye stick to me, I’ll get ye there when the relief
comes. When the old general sees you with me, he’ll do the
square thing by ye. I know old Tecump just as well as I do
you. He and I have spilt some fluid since we come down on
this racket. He’s five trumps and four aces in a lone hand every
time you hit him.
Hood. You observe I am in the disguise of a rebel general,
to avoid their pickets.
Hezekiah. I wonder if I don’t know skim milk when I
see it?
Hood. If I should be seen in the company of a Yankee, I
should be shot at sight.
Hezekiah. Wal, I guess yer head is level on that.
Hood. (About to leave—R.) Good day, sir.
Hezekiah. Say, I don’t s’pose you’ve got any tobacker in yer
trowsis, have ye?
Hood. (Producing it.) Certainly, sir.
Hezekiah. Jest give us a chaw. (Hood complies.) My
stomach is as holler as a collapsed balloon. (Bites off a chew,
and returns plug.) ’Bliged at ye.
Hood. (Turning to go.) Good day, sir.
Hezekiah. Say? You jest keep your eye peeled, or them
Johnnies will get your hair. (Exit Hood—R.) That’s a darn
18nice old critter. But I don’t think he’s so bright as some folks,
or else he wouldn’t be caterwaulin’ round here on the picket line
alone. He don’t know nothin’ about war! I’ll be darned if I
don’t think I’ve got stuck some myself. Down east, you can
foller the tellegraff poles. They hain’t got scarcely any on ’em
in this heathen country. This is about the meanest place I ever
travelled in. If I hain’t eat my peck of dirt 250 times since I
hit this land er snakes, you can chaw my ear. I hain’t had a
good square wash for over two years. My hide would raise pertaters
stouter than a down-east cut-down. (Shot from R., and
his hat flies into L. wings.) Gosh all Jewpiter, if that critter
hasn’t spil’t my best hat. (Chasing it out L. Other shots, and
two rebel soldiers creep on R. A shot from L.; one falls, and
the other retreats. Hez. comes on L.) There ain’t no two
Johnnies can drive me. (Feels of the dead rebel.) Bet ye tew
dollars and a half that critter won’t get well. (Exit L. slowly,
looking back often. Brightly creeps on from R.)
Brightly. Those Yankee pickets will shoot the rear guard
through the camp yet. (Looking out, R.) Come here. (Enter
Zina, hatless and ragged.) I have spotted you. If you attempt
to escape again, I will shoot you at sight! What are you skulking
around here for?
Zina. I was lost; I did not know where I was going.
Brightly. You lie! Why do you follow my lieutenant’s
footsteps so much like a cur? You are my property. Not a dog.
What do you hope for? That he will buy you? He can never
do that. Not if his house was solid gold, and he offered me all
he had. White niggers are hard to manage, but I am the man
that never failed on one yet. Look at me! (Zina looks at him
in terror.) If you speak to him again, I will flog your hide off.
Zina. Oh, he is all the friend I have in the wide world.
Brightly. Who feeds your hungry maw and rags your lousy hide?
Zina. When my heart is almost breaking, and I beg for God
to let me die, the kind words he speaks make me hope again so
much—
Brightly. In love, hey? A nigger, a field hand, in love with
a gentleman! At least, he passes himself off for one. Within
twelve hours, I will take the pimp out of his proud strut.
Zina. Oh, I am such a miserable slave to love so good a master
as he. He is too noble to do a wrong to any one.
Brightly. While he has dogged my footsteps when I leave
the camp with you, and has twice incited you to escape?
19Zina. Heaven is my witness, he did not do that.
Brightly. I will have an end of this! Today he volunteered
to enter the enemy’s camp as a spy—ostensibly as a deserter.
He will be betrayed!
Zina. Do with me as you will, and I will never complain;
but he is innocent.
Brightly. When he attempts to return, he will be arrested
by the enemy, with the proofs of his business on his person! A
court-martial, an execution, and the end! (Zina in agony.)
Zina. My God, what shall I do?
Brightly. Nothing. (Zina drops on her knees.)
Zina. Oh, what will you ask of me, and I will never cause
you trouble again?
Brightly. I make no conditions when I control!
Zina. If I have ever loved anything, it has been lost to me.
(Sinking down, sobbing.)
Brightly. Of what use are you to me now? I have taken
insult after insult from him, until I have reached the last. If
this fails, I will kill him!
Zina. (Springing up.) Then I will tell him the infamous
traitor that you are.
Brightly. (Dashing forward to strike her.) You will?
Zina. (Defending with stiletto.) Stand off, you cowardly
cur!
Brightly. (Springing back and drawing bowie knife.) Ah
ha, revolt?
Zina. Aye, revolt!
Brightly. Before this, I had determined to kill you. (Rolling
up cuffs, &c.)
Zina. Who strikes a woman is a coward!
Brightly. You have earned your right to the knife now, and
you shall have it.
Zina. I have worked for you since I could walk, and never
played. You have beat and starved me in return, after I had
done the best I could.
Brightly. Rant, for this shall be your last time!
Zina. Your brutal strength loves best to beat the helpless.
But while I live I will defend myself!
Brightly. Before my arm—like a breath of heedless air.
Zina. This shall be the last with me. My hands have earned
the right to be free, and now I will be, or you shall kill me!
Brightly. This knife shall answer that!
20Zina. Aye, it shall be to the death for one. But you shall
see how a puny girl shall fight a brutal coward, in defence of her
life and honor!
Brightly. Your snarling lout shall not protect you this time.
Zina. (Despair.) God help me and save Master D’Arneaux!
Brightly. (Quickly.) He has already passed the guard!
(Zina starts, chokes, staggers, drops her stiletto and faints. B.
rushes towards her.) I will end these insults here. (A shot
from the L. strikes his arm. He whirls round and dashes out
at R., as Hez. rushes in at L., saying:)
Hezekiah. Gosh all hemlock! That’s twice we missed that
critter in the same place. Here I been catawaulin’ round here
for four days, and I hain’t took but thirteen scalps. But I wonder
if we didn’t wade inter them critters yesterday. There is
more cannon balls wasted down in that ar’ medder than you can
stow inter our meetin’ house. Hannah Doolittle! Wan’t there
some glory got loose in that fite! There was more halleluyer
in four minnits than you could twist out er two hundred and fifty
comeouter camp meetings. Jewlyus Jehosafat! I jest as lives
died as not! When we scooted that rebel meat, I felt prouder’n
Sal Screwton when she got her fust bussel. (Meantime, enter
Gen. Halcom, L.)
Halcom. Well?
Hezekiah. (Turning, surprised, cocking his gun.) Gosh all
Jewpiter! I thought it was Jeff Davis!
Halcom. What have you found?
Hezekiah. Guess them critters have gone a fishin’. Hain’t
had a houter of a pop for half an hour, except one, as I hope ter
holler. (Halcom discovers Zina.)
Halcom. What is this, Hezekiah?
Hezekiah. Wall, I’ll be darned if ye hain’t got me. Do ye
s’pose they lay out round here nights?
Halcom. (Looking closely.) She sleeps. (Tries to wake
her and fails.) She is unconscious. (Turns her face towards
himself, starts.)
Hezekiah. Hain’t she handsome?
Halcom. She is indeed beautiful! The child is sick, and
perhaps starving. Give me your canteen. (Bathes her face.)
Call some of the pickets. (Bathes still. Hez. goes out L. U.
E., and soon returns with Barney and a stretcher.)
Barney. Indade now. Do thim blackguards murder beautiful
little girruls like that?
21Halcom. The child is seriously sick. Take her to my surgeon,
and say it is my desire that every effort shall be made in
her behalf. Handle her carefully. (Hez. and Bar. put her on
the stretcher, raise her tenderly, and bear her out at L. U. E.)
Poor child! She is the victim of brutality, or the hardships of
the front have nearly killed her. (Hesitates.) So much like
my mother’s face! (Bows head. Enter Sherman R. U. E., in
heavy military cloak.)
Sherman. Well, Halcom, have the blues got you again?
(Darken stage gradually.)
Halcom. General, you must not remain here! We are
within rifle range of the enemy’s pickets. It is exceedingly
dangerous.
Sherman. It is growing too dark for sharpshooters to operate.
Halcom. The country cannot afford to have you exposed.
Sherman. Pray, why not?
Halcom. We are engaged in a desperate march to the sea.
The army is too far from its base to exist without a competent
leader. If you should fall, what next?
Sherman. Half my men, sir, are fit to command.
Halcom. General, you are too sanguine of the capabilities
of others. I repeat again, you must be careful. The safety of
the army demands it.
Sherman. Halcom, you are too anxious for the safety of every
one but yourself. The army has a common impression that
you are the most daring, reckless officer at the front.
Halcom. It matters but little if I fall.
Sherman. Why, my dear sir, your life—
Halcom. Is worth nothing for myself. If it please heaven
that I live to see a full and earnest liberty here, with all the
stars of the old flag still lingering there, it matters little what
becomes of me.
Sherman. Halcom, I never see you smile! There is some
terrible misfortune hidden behind your sad, melancholy face, you
have never yet revealed. Desperate; rash; impetuous; you
have won your double stars at twenty-eight. A brilliant military
dash that thrills the army; and you fell back so quietly to
the seclusion of your quarters, and never seem to hope or look
for reward. But for this, your life has been a blank to me.
Halcom. There is nothing in the history of my family I
could wish to conceal.
Sherman. I have looked in vain for its justification, while I
22have observed in you a seeming too sanguinary hate of our misguided
countrymen.
Halcom. I have sometimes thought that I may be insane
from the wrongs I have suffered from the men who lead this revolt.
Not thirty leagues from here I first saw the light. My
family came of the Huguenot emigrants that settled in the Carolinas.
As the rush of population swept towards the west
my ancestors found a home in the wilds of Tennessee. My father
inherited twenty thousand acres in the Cumberland Valley.
Our home was happy. My angel mother was a friend to the
helpless and wronged. At twelve years of age I kissed her the
last good bye (hesitating), and left to educate myself in the free
schools of New England. My father was no traitor to the
principles of right and justice. Accused of no overt act, he
had the right to advocate his convictions, and these were so
born and educated in right, infamy had no manly response.
The knife and torch of the assassin met his appeal to the honor
of his adversaries. One day a dispatch came to me. I hurriedly
broke the seal. They had all perished by the hand of the
assassin. Five weeks later I awoke from the delirium of a fever
that has never left my brain. (Shows Sherman a picture.)
My mother. She was so good and beautiful.
Sherman. She was, indeed, beautiful (returns it).
Halcom. Kneeling in my New England home, with her sweet
face looking from that picture into my own, I swore that my
hand should never stay, until it should find the life of her assassin.
Sherman. Such revenge is honorable.
Halcom. An infant sister was born during my absence—
Sherman. She still lives?
Halcom. Her ashes mingle with the others in the ruins of
our old home.
Sherman. Only the class that can buy and sell human hearts
and affections can produce such villains.
Halcom. Fifteen years since I have made my annual pilgrimage
to the desolate spot where I was born. A tablet to
their memory survives until I leave. Often in disguise I have entered
the councils of my enemies. Seven of the fiends I have
looked in the face, while my hands clutched their throats till
the last gurgle of life had been gone an hour. The chief still
survives. I have tracked him through the gambling hells and
slave yards of the southern cities, till I have found him in command
23of a guerilla force in this department. Twice I have
seemed to annihilate them, but he has never appeared among
the slain.
Sherman. Be careful, Halcom. You must not peril your
life for so worthless an object. Your military fame is the
property of the country. You peril this for a chance at a dog.
When your division assaults the works of the enemy tomorrow,
I urge it as a claim of your country, that you shall not needlessly
expose yourself.
Halcom. So much will I as becomes a soldier who would
defend his country from such assassins. If I fall, let me sleep
in my old home in the soil of Tennessee, whose honor I have
tried to defend against the cowards who have dragged her into
this infamous revolt.
Sherman. (Taking his hand.) Well said, my boy. You
will not fall. God will protect the brave hearts that are to save
the home he has made for the poor. I have gazed in wonder
and surprise so many times on the brave fellows that sprang so
wildly to the front, before the echoes of Sumter’s cannon had
hardly died away among the free hills of the north. Half of
them fit to be governors or presidents! What a people have
sprung from the little squad that first planted civil liberty on old
Plymouth Rock. Brave old New England! How quickly her
sword leaped from the scabbard when slavery struck at this.
How the offshoots of her brain throb and flash across the prairies
of the great west. How her freedom and little church spires
cling to the hills as her civilization marches for the western sea!
It is God’s advance guard leading the way to a larger and freer
home for the poor. Think, Halcom, of the glory that is coming.
The star is in the west now. Fifty years hence a hundred millions
of free and prosperous people will offer thanksgiving to
heaven for this, your sword shall help so much to win.
Halcom. It is indeed beautiful to contemplate. But there
are bitter cups for many to drain before that glory comes. I
hope for nothing. My family are gone. When my heart reaches
out for my kindred, it remembers only that the assassin has
left nothing to love but the ashes of the old home.
Sherman. Let us pursue this painful subject no longer. Go
and sleep now. Howard tells me you are watching forever.
Halcom. You will expect us to carry the left redoubts at
daybreak?
Sherman. If heaven wills.
24Halcom. The men will do all you may expect. Listen for
my cannon at daybreak.
Sherman. At daybreak?
Halcom. At daybreak. (Hal. salutes and retires R. U. E.)
Sherman. The bravest and most honorable man I ever saw! So
young to command. (Turns to leave L.U.E., meets Hez. entering.)
Hezekiah. Hold on there, you old gunpowder guzzler, you
come here and give me the password or I’ll blow you out er
water. I will, by jingo!
Sherman. (To rear centre slowly.) Atlanta.
Hezekiah. (Scratching head and thinking.) I’ll be darned
ter Moses ef I don’t think that is the password arter all. My
memory wants joggin, wuss ’n Ike Acorn’s cabbages that was
planted in a sandbank coz ’twas easy hoin’.
Sherman. Are you on the regular picket tonight?
Hezekiah. I’ll be darned if ye hain’t got me. I bin catawaulin
round here all day ter get a pop at some er them Johnnies,
and Barney brings out the provender.
Sherman. Do you know the general-in-chief, sir?
Hezekiah. Well, I should think I ought ter. He and I
have drinked over a barrel together since this rumpus come up.
Sherman. How do you like the service, sir?
Hezekiah. Now you’ve hit me where I bile over. When the
fightin’ fust commenced, I thought I wan’t no great shakes er
gettin’ shot for thirteen dollars a month, till one day one er them
bumbshells come along and peeled the whole hind eend of my
trowsers off. That made me madder than a kicked hornet. I
just got a bead on my old shooter, and I let her sliver right into
um. I shouldn’t wonder if I killed thirty or forty er them darn
skunks. I had four fingers and a half in that gun.
Sherman. Quite a good beginning, sir.
Hezekiah. Ye see when I get my dander up something has
got to come, or bust. How long do you suppose the old general
is goin’ ter keep us out here killin’ them critters? I’d jest
like ter give him a piece er my brains on that.
Sherman. Well, sir, what would you do to make the machine
work faster?
Hezekiah. Well, I should pizen their grub. You tell him
that and I shouldn’t wonder ef he’d dew it. They say he’s a
dam rough old critter; but he can spile more Jersey pizen
than any other critter this side er sundown. Say, how long
have you been in this machine?
25Sherman. About thirty years, sir.
Hezekiah. You git out! Why you must be chock full er
bullets by this time. I spose you’d feel kinder lonesome if ye
didn’t have two or three pounds on ’em in ye all the time. I
like ter had the daylights knocked out er me yesterday. One er
them bumbshells struck a tree jest over my head, when I was
fodderin’ up, and it sp’ilt forty cents’ worth er vittles for me in
less than two minnits. If that bumbshell had hit jest seventeen
inches lower, Sal. Rideout would er bin out jest my figger exactly.
I quit eatin’ then, and went inter my tent to fix up my
shirt collar, so if I got shot, I would lay out handsome, and who
do you s’pose I see crawlin’ under the back er the general’s tent,
when the guard wan’t lookin’?
Sherman. I have not the least idea, sir.
Hezekiah. A dam sneakin’ skunk of a rebel, with a knife
in his mouth. When I got in there, he tried ter hide under the
general’s bunk. The way I placed that old hob-nailed cowhide
under the lower eend er his jacket, would er upset a meetin’-house.
I’ll be darned if that critter didn’t up and snap a pistol
right in my face. I jest laid down my gun, and if I didn’t plow
and harrer his anatomy, you can dig me out for a hog’s trough,
and kiss me for his mother.
Sherman. What became of the man, sir?
Hezekiah. I jist wasted him all over half an acre, fore he
got away. (Hez. suddenly stops and presses his hand on his
belly, doubling up.)
Sherman. What is the matter, sir?
Hezekiah. It’s my old colic comin’ agin. I got ter go and
git a gin sling. (Dashes his gun in Sherman’s hands, knocking
him half down.) Jest hold my old shooter. (Dashes out
at L.)
Sherman. Hold on, sir. Here! Halt, you scoundrel! (Recovering
his feet.) Gone? Confound that idiot. I will have
him court-martialed for leaving his post. (Thinking.) Then I
should be shown up for allowing the fool to impose upon me.
The general of the army on guard! I shall be the laughing
stock of the whole army. I’ll wage my commission that he made
that to get off for a drink. I’ll scare the idiot out of his senses
when he returns. Here he comes. Halt, sir! Stand there till
I call the officer of the guard. Move if you dare, sir, and you
are a dead man! (Hez. walks up and takes the gun away, saying—)
26Hezekiah. You git out. If you don’t know me, you’re the
biggest puddin’ head in the country!
Sherman. You are the most impudent scoundrel I ever met.
Hezekiah. (Handing money.) Here’s a quarter for ye. Now
you go home and put that knowledge box er your’n under a gardeen,
or somebody’ll shoot you for a stray mule.
Sherman. You are an idiot, sir!
Hezekiah. (Throwing hat, coat and gun down, L.) I don’t
take that from nobody.
Sherman. Hold on, sir! What are you going to do?
Hezekiah. Goin’ ter trample on your constitushun about
four minnits. (Turns to attack, and meets Sherman’s revolver.)
Lay down that shooter, I’ll give ye four dollars.
Sherman. I am a gentleman, sir, no ruffian.
Hezekiah. Glad ye told me, I shouldn’t er known it.
Sherman. You want to fight, sir, do you? You shall have
all you desire, sir!
Hezekiah. Then peel and prong round here.
Sherman. I will meet you here at sunset, tomorrow, sir, for
a duel. Arms, broadaxes! Then I will kill you, sir, like a dog.
Hezekiah. How much do you weigh when you’re all bloated
up?
Sherman. I am known as the worst man in the west, sir!
Hezekiah. Nobody would look at ye and dispute it. If I
looked as bad as you do, I’d hold my breath till I died. I chawed
up twenty-seven men once, with a common axe. When I wade
in with a broadaxe—wall, you get your friends to come down
and hunt up the corpse in about fourteen seconds after they say
time.
Sherman. Do you stop to bury your dead, sir?
Hezekiah. Now you git out. (Picking up coat.) If the old
general should come along and find me talkin’ to you, he’d raise
all possess about it.
Sherman. (Turning to R. to leave.) Remember, sir, tomorrow
at sunset. I trust that you are no coward that will
waste my time, sir.
Hezekiah. Don’t you fret. Fore I get through with ye,
you’ll think a meetin’-house has fell down on ye. (Exit Sherman,
R. Hez. puts on his clothes.) Spose that critter will
come, or was he blowin’? I don’t think I’m healthy! I ain’t
no ’count with a broadaxe! (Enter Sally, R. U. E., in male attire,
face covered by a wide-rimmed hat.) Hello, there, you
27padded up young scallawag! What are you catawaulin’ after,
out here?
Sally. (Aside.) He won’t know me.
Hezekiah. Come putty near shootin’ you for a stray calf.
Bin more corpses carried off er this beat since I bin on, than a
hoss can haul.
Sally. (Approaching sideways, with hat over her eyes.)
Come putty near shootin’, did ye? You gaunt, hamstrung old
spavin!
Hezekiah. You’d er bin a corpse now, if I hadn’t took you
for a mule.
Sally. I would, hey? You old collapse, you!
Hezekiah. If you should strain hard, do you spose you could
tell whose fool has broke loose?
Sally. That is an insult I won’t swallow!
Hezekiah. Who told ye too?
Sally. (Bristling up.) I will have blood for that! Blood,
sir! R. R. (As Hez. turns to L. she dashes out R. and hides.)
Hezekiah. If I don’t (turns to L. to throw off hat and coat.)
collapse your constertushun, I hope I may rot. (Turning, he
finds she has disappeared.) There’ll be two or three fewnerals
round here bime by. (Looks out L. U. E.) There comes a
Johnny! (Hides, L. Brightly enters cautiously, L. U. E. As
he works along towards R. U. E., Hez. creeps up behind, and
pounces on him, throwing him down. They tussle all about the
rear of the stage. Enter Barney, L. and dances about to get
in the fight, as scene closes.)
(Enter Sherman and Halcom, at L. U. E., and go to R.)
Sherman. I am about to attempt the capture of Atlanta by
a flank movement. I wish you to throw your Division forward
and occupy that ridge on the right of the railway. I have ordered
twelve batteries to protect you from an enfilade. The position,
you see, covers the line of his communications. The successful
accomplishment of this will probably compel Hood to
evacuate his strong positions and fall back. I give you the position
of honor because you do not fail.
Halcom. Thank you!
28Sherman. Once clear of this line of entrenchments, we have
them in the open country before us. (Enter Hez. L. U. E.)
Hezekiah. Say, General. We have just took the darndest,
rantankerest piece er rebel meat you ever put your eyes on.
He’s got more red pepper in his constertewshun than a Boston
wholesale grocery store. He’s wus’n them hyennys in Barnum’s
circus! Had ter tie the darn critter ter keep him from chawin’
up everybody. Don’t ye know, that critter had cheek enough
ter walk right over my beat, jest as if I want there. I jest laid
down my gun, and if I didn’t hop onter his kerrin, you can
chaw my ear.
Sherman. Did you notice his rank, sir?
Hezekiah. Wal, I did think he was a little rank when I got
through with him.
Sherman. I mean, sir, did you notice if he was an officer?
Hezekiah. I never thought ter ask him ’bout that. He tumbled
so fast. I had ter hump ter keep up. Why, he’s the same
feller I see trying ter crawl under Frank’s tent.
Sherman. Who is Frank, sir?
Hezekiah. Jehosafat! Don’t you know Frank?
Sherman. I think not, sir.
Hezekiah. (Pulling Halcom to the front.) There is jest
the handsomest piece er furnicher this side er sundown.
Sherman. Why, you rascal, that is General Halcom.
Hezekiah. You git out! That’s our Frank.
Sherman. Look here, sir, you were on guard last night.
Hezekiah. (Looking at Sherman, and then aside.) Jewrusalem!
That was the old Gineral I run into last night. Now
I’ve gone and spilt the apple sass all over the best table cloth.
(Turns and grasps Sherman’s hands.) How de dew? I know’d
that was you last night, all the time. Ain’t I the wust blackguard
you ever run into?
Sherman. Bring in that prisoner, sir. I will deal with you
when there is less business on hand.
Hezekiah. (Attempting to leave.) Jess you say. I spose
you boss this cahoot. (Turns back.) Say, you keep your eye
peeled. He’s a darn pizen critter. He may try to get your
guzzle. (Exit Hez. L.)
Sherman. Is that man insane or a fool?
Halcom. Neither. He is one of the rough diamonds of the
army: the very first man I enlisted in the old Bay State. Brave
as a lion, and keen as a razor.
29Sherman. Why, the rascal would have thrashed me blind
last night, but for my revolver.
Halcom. Indeed! His patriotism drifts only in the rudeness
of its native channel. I put up with his familiarities, because
he cannot understand the necessity for military etiquette.
(Crosses to L. front. Enter Hez. and Barney, L. U. E., driving
Brightly ahead of them, hands bound behind him.)
Hezekiah. (To Sherman.) Name it and you can have it.
Sherman. (To Hez.) Untie his hands. (Hez. unties, &c.)
Sir, I hear that you have been arrested as a spy.
Brightly. I am a prisoner of war.
Sherman. Now I remember—you have once before been
convicted of spying, and escaped. (Halcom crosses to R. turns,
when both start from recognition.)
Halcom. The assassin of my family!
Brightly. Of whom do you speak?
Halcom. Yourself, coward!
Brightly. Then you may consider yourself a liar!
Halcom. (To Sherman.) During the last fifteen years, I
have hunted this brute through the slave yards and gambling
hells of the south. Now he shall answer to me. You shall meet
me with the favorite weapon of your cowardice.
Brightly. I am unarmed.
Halcom. (Throwing his knife at Brightly’s feet.) So am I.
Brightly. (To Sherman.) Am I to be murdered while a
helpless prisoner?
Halcom. Take the knife, coward! (Holding up his empty
hands.) My mother was helpless!
Sherman. (Stepping between and taking hold of Halcom’s
arm.) Not now, Halcom. The military law shall accomplish
all you desire. (Brightly seizes the knife from the floor, and
dashes like lightning forward to stab Sherman in the back. Hez.
seizes him instantly, wrests the knife from him, and flings him to L.)
Hezekiah. You darn sneakin’ dog, you!
Halcom. Your own life!
Sherman. (To Hez.) Remove the prisoner! See to it that
he is well ironed. I will deal with him tomorrow!
Hezekiah. (To Sherman.) Say, General, if it don’t make
no difference to you, I’d like ter make this critter inter a stuffed
pirate for Barnum’s circus.
Sherman. I said remove him, and I hold you responsible if
he escapes!
30Hezekiah. Jess you say. It’s your fewneral! (To Brightly.)
Now you travil, or I’ll let daylight through them rotten
ribs er yourn so quick, you’ll think your struck with all the litenin’
the Lord’s got the use on. Git! (Exit Brightly L. Turns
at entrance to give H. and S. a look of contempt.)
Sherman. If he escapes my bullet this time, it will be from
the intervention of heaven! (Enter Orderly, front, and salutes.)
Orderly. Gen. Howard orders me to report that Hood has
withdrawn behind the river.
Sherman. Our opportunity is lost! There are other spies
in the camp! Tell Howard to move to the bank of the river,
and await orders. (To Halcom.) Cross a heavy reconnoisance
at Herrick’s ford, and report as soon as possible. (Halcom salutes
and retires R. Sherman L. U. E. Enter Barney R. U. E.
passing along.)
Barney. Bad luck to this haythen country. I’m killed from
every stone and stump in it. I don’t like rebellyions! If yer
killed with nobody to get a pension for it, where’s the luck in
it? (Enter Hez. behind, cautiously.)
Hezekiah. (In a stentorian voice.) Move, and I kill you!
(Barney motionless.) Drop that gun! (Drops it.) Hands
up! (Holds up hands.) Right about! (As Barney turns,
Hez. breaks down in loud laughter.)
Barney. Don’t you do that again; I might kill you sometime.
Hezekiah. Scartest man I ever looked at!
Barney. No sir—
Hezekiah. I see the bristles risin’ up the whole length er
your back!
Barney. No sir. I was playin’ wid yer.
Hezekiah. Say, Barney, wasn’t ye scart?
Barney. I might be narvous a little.
Hezekiah. (Pulling bottle.) S’pose we have a little nerve
powder. (Hands bottle to Barney.)
Barney. I was always a friend to that! Here’s to George
Washington and Danny O’Connell. The two boys ye can’t make
afraid or ashamed of the country that giv em their first pertaties.
(Drinks, and hands bottle to Hez.)
Hezekiah. Here’s tew Pardunk and the gal that’s waitin’
for me, and a chain litenin’ diet to the darn sneakin’ skunk of a
rebel that would spit on the bird that’s goin’ to roost with impewnity
all over North and South Ameriky. (Drinks; Barney
looks about cautiously. Set guns against tree, R. U. E.)
31Barney. I would like it if there was no corporals.
Hezekiah. How much guard-house do ye s’pose you’ve had
Barney, since we left Pardunk?
Barney. I should guess fifteen months. And thim blackguards
are the spalpeens that bother me like that.
Hezekiah. What did ye come out here for, Barney?
Barney. For a pinsion!
Hezekiah. Gittin’ rich, wasn’t ye?
Barney. To be sure I was. Wasn’t I ingaged to Biddy
Maloney? Didn’t she have a peanut store on the sidewalk and
a suit of rooms in Tim Sullivan’s cellar? Didn’t she fail four
times in one summer and pay ten cints? Ah’r, the smart girl
she is! With a gal like that, what is the need er workin’?
Hezekiah. Say, Barney, how would you like to be a Jigadier
Brindle?
Barney. What, one er them fellers with brass things on ’em?
Hezekiah. Yes.
Barney. I have ambishun like that. Then I could go to the
hospittle when the whiskey makes me sick, and be kapin’ out
of the fight. (Trying to see something on Barney’s back, when
Barney turns back to the audience. As he does, Hez. says—)
Hezekiah. Ye know how to protect yer rear. (Lifts Barney’s
coat tail, and exhibits a black patch as large as a chair bottom,
sewed on Barney’s seat.)
Barney. (Swelling with rage.) I do that! I’m a jintleman!
No blackguard! I poke no fun to make a laugh on a jintleman!
Whin a blackguard attacks me reputation, I don’t care what he
says! When he puts his dirty hands on my karrackter, I will
resint it like a man! I’m an Irishman, and me honor’s me own!
I have no cheap words with a blackguard without the iddication
of a jintleman! I am no thafe to be spit upon! Come out!
Come out! (Motioning towards R. U. E.) Come out! (Hez.
hands a bottle towards him. Barney catches sight of it as he
says—) Come—(Breaks down in a broad grin.) What kind er
wather is that?
Hezekiah. Medicine for fits. (Barney drinks.) Old Deacon
Jones took about a quart er that once, by mistake. Said
he thought the whole neighborhood was a jewsharp, and he was
playin’ on it.
Barney. ’Pon my word!
Hezekiah. Know’d of a feller in Shadagy, that was brought
up on that.
32Barney. That same?
Hezekiah. Yes sir.
Barney. How long was he doin’ that?
Hezekiah. He grow’d so long they couldn’t tax him when
he was twenty-one.
Barney. How was the blackguard gettin’ by that?
Hezekiah. They considered the most of him was out er the
county. (Sally enters R. in male attire. Steps between them
and their guns. Draws pistol.)
Sally. Cowards! (Both turn in dismay and take in situation.)
Barney. The blackguard!
Sally. Prisoners of war, only to die!
Hezekiah. (Throwing off coat.) Not if this piece er meat
knows itself! (Turns and meets Sally’s revolver.)
Sally. Halt! (Hez. stops.)
Hezekiah. Darn your picter!
Sally. I prefer to take you alive, that you may have the
honor to die under the majesty of the law, for connivance with
the spies of the enemy!
Barney. (Looking at Hez.) The thafe!
Hezekiah. Who said that?
Sally. The angels were lookin’!
Hezekiah. You tell him he’s a liar!
Barney. (To Hez.) It’s some poor thing that’s crazy from
bein’ insane.
Hezekiah. Yes, we know’ you’re a big ingin. (Offers her a
bottle.) Have some firewater? (Sally takes and pockets bottle.)
Sally. So has the dignity of my mission been insulted: you
shall die now! Cowards, you have two minutes to live! Take
off your hats and coats. (Both comply.) It were unworthy
for you to die in the Union blue! One minute more! (Holds
her watch in her hand.)
Barney. Stop! Will you take two months pay?
Sally. How long shall I be insulted thus?
Hezekiah. Have you ever bin a father or mother?
Barney. Yes sir. Have you bin that?
Sally. I’ll hear no more! (Looking at watch.) Five seconds
more! Now your hour has come! (Points pistol. Both
duck and dodge.) Die, cowards, die! (Both dash up in L.
U. E. Sally follows as if to shoot. Both put up their legs and
hands as if to ward off. Sally breaks down laughing, and throws
off her hat.)
33Hezekiah. (Recognizing.) Jewniper hallelewyer!
Barney. The blackguard?
Hezekiah. Jerewserlim swipes! Where did you bile up
from?
Barney. (Seizing his gun.) I shall bust with contimpt!
(Goes out L. U. E. in a rage.)
Hezekiah. Gosh all Jewpiter! I thought you was old Hood.
Come here and let me see if you hain’t a ghost! (Dashes into
Hez. arms.) All here, by beeswax! (Kisses her.)
Sally. (Pulling out note book.) Look er that! I’m war
correspondent of the Pordunk Cultivater.
Hezekiah. You git out! Where ye get them close?
Sally. Hez., after you went away, I couldn’t eat nor sleep
for fourteen weeks.
Hezekiah. You don’t?
Sally. Fact! Then my best hen and the old cat died, and
I jest thought I should go crazy. Then Bill Larkins ’listed for
a sutler, and I was mad all over. After you left, that scallawag
was preachin’ treason all the time, till he found he could be a
sutler. He’s bin ravin’ for rebel blood ever since. A man jest
told me that Bill bought a bad barrel er vinnegar for half a dollar—made
it into eighteen barrels er cider, and sold it all out to
the regiment for ten cents a glass!
Hezekiah. I thought I smelt vinegar awful strong when I
was over there t’other day!
Sally. You jest wait for the next Pordunk Cultivater! If
I don’t chaw him up!
Hezekiah. You jest wait till I get home and light on him
again!
Sally. Ye see when Bill Larkins done that, I said I would
get some men’s clothes and ’list myself! When it come round
ter bein’ examined by the doctor, I had ter back out. Then I
jest went and hired out on the Perdunk Cultivater.
Hezekiah. Sal, I never’s so proud on ye ’fore in my life.
Yer jest handsum!
Sally. Now you get out, Hez. You’re soapin?
Hezekiah. On’er bright?
Sally. Oh, yer ought ter see me in my new dress, Hez. I
had it made after you left. Oh, my! It’s got a tail to it more’n
four feet long! Pashe Milliken made it. She got the pattern
of Butrick in Boston. It’s a stunner! Got a flummux all over
the hind part of it. But Pashe beat me on one thing, though.
34Hezekiah. How’d she do that?
Sally. Ye see they have to put in somethin’ behind here, to
make ’em swell. Pashe told me it was stuffin’. One day I heard
a crumplin’, and I ripped open the linen to see what it was.
Don’t yer think, that hump was swell’d up with old Pordunk
Cultivators!
Hezekiah. You git out!
Sally. When I get home, I’m jest goin’ ter lay fer her.
Hezekiah. Say, Sal. I s’pose ye got that dress ter git married
in, didn’t ye?
Sally. Ye don’t s’pose I’d spread like that jest for a go-ter-meetin’
dress, do ye?
Hezekiah. Cost six dollars?
Sally. Six dollars! It cost eight, beside the pattern; that
was one er the best ones Butrick had.
Hezekiah. You get out!
Sally. Oh, wan’t Hannah Doolittle jealous! Such a tail
draggin’ in the street. She said she wouldn’t have one if it was
give to her. Her pink caliker cost ninety cents.
Hezekiah. Say, Sal. I bin lonesomer than a stray ghost,
I ain’t seen you for so long. Tell us all about what’s goin’ on
ter home. Has Ike Spaulding shingled his woodshed yet?
What’s come of Preposterous Perkins and Mercy Ann Stubbs?
S’pose they’ve got a whole family by this time.
Sally. (Covering her face.) Now, Hez., ain’t you ’shamed
er yourself!
Hezekiah. Has Suke Peabody and old Inkhorn tied up yet?
Sally. Course they have.
Hezekiah. Suke don’t care any more for that old mummy,
than she does for our old farrer cow. She jest wants ter get her
fingers in on his money, then she’ll pizen him ter death in less’n
a week. If she don’t she’s got more endurance than a mule.
Sally. Ain’t he soft on her, though?
Hezekiah. Soft? You can stab him with a cat’s tail, and
not ruffle a feather. (A shot from R.) Jehosafat! Them Johnnies
are comin’. Let’s get out. (Attempts to push her out, L.)
Sally. (Drawing knife and revolver.) Hold on, Hez. Let
me get a lick at them fellers.
Hezekiah. (Pushing her out L.) You get out! You do
no nothin’ about war. (Disappears L. Enter rebel soldiers R,
and cross to L. Exit all L.)
35
Barney. It’s the devil will pick your bones for you in the
mornin’. Shoot him at daylight, sez the gineral, and he’ll be
doin’ it too. Do you mind that! (Brightly hangs his head in
silence.) Now don’t be blubberin’ about it. It won’t do ye
any good. They’ are goin’ ter make y’er bones inter rattles for
them nagurs, and that’s the most good that could come of ye.
Brightly. Fool!
Barney. (Laying down hat and gun.) Don’t you talk back
to me, or I’ll bat you! You thafe er the wurruld! (Enter Gen.
Halcom, R. U. E.)
Halcom. Keele Brightly, your last hour is close at hand. I
have not intruded myself to torture you with recriminations. I
yield my right to the law of military necessity. I come because
I have been moved to pity by that heart-broken child lying at
the outer guard, begging so piteously to see the last man she
ought to love or respect. I have at last obtained permission for
her to see you, immediately preceding your execution. I have
come to ask you to forget the brute, and give her one kind word
before you die. All night long and yesterday, through the rain
and cold, shelterless, and refusing food, she sat by the door,
waiting for your coming. Her piteous pleadings for your worthless
life, when the General returned from the front, would have
melted a heart of stone. How have you repaid her life of devotion?
She has never known father or mother. A generous
heart must love something! Within an hour she will be out in
the world, worse than an orphan. Who is she? She was not
born a slave. You sought a groundless revenge. Are you not
satisfied? My mother’s face lives in hers! (Breaks down.) If
any one of my family live—looking God in the face—speak!
Have you nothing to say?
Brightly. Nothing!
Halcom. May God have mercy on you who never had any,
when it was so easy to give. (Exit Halcom, R, looking back
twice, as if expecting B. to relent.)
Barney. (To Brightly.) Did you mind that talkin’? (B.
silent.) Hey? Jist one hour, says the Gineral, and you will
be an orfin. If you make yourself a dam fool like that, you may
be two orfins! (Zina dashes in at R. U. E.)
36Zina. Master D’Arneaux! (Drops on her knee.)
Brightly. (Turned away.) Sh—do not recognize me. (Giving
his hand behind, as Barney paces to R.) Are there any
means of escape?
Zina. (Shying key into Brightly’s hands.) This will unfasten
your irons. I have removed the outer fastening on the
window. It will open at your touch. When the back of the
guard is turned, unlock your irons. The river runs close by.
You are safe if you reach the other side. When I seize the
guard, spring through the window and make for the river. (B.
drops on his knees as if in meditation. Zina kneels and leans
her head on his shoulder. As Barney turns to R, she springs
on his back like a tiger, locking her arm across his throat,
strangles him. Meantime she and Barney speak simultaneously.
Brightly unlocks fetters.)
Barney. Lave hold er there, ye whilp! Lave go, or by me
mother—
Zina. The river! The river! (Barney and Zina struggle,
while Brightly is unfastening his fetters. During the struggle,
Barney’s gun goes off, as Brightly disappears through the window.
When the gun goes off, and Zina sees Brightly clear, she
falls on her face sobbing, and Barney dashes out L. U. E., in
pursuit. Curtain.)