Witty Pieces by Witty People

About this eBook

Author

Various

Title

Witty Pieces by Witty People A collection of the funniest sayings, best jokes, laughable anecdotes, mirthful stories, etc., extant

Credits

Produced by Demian Katz and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at www.pgdp.net (Images courtesy of the Digital Library@Villanova University ( digital.library.villanova.edu/))

Language

English

LoC Class

PN: Language and Literatures: Literature: General, Criticism, Collections

Subject

Wit and humor

Category

Text

eBook-No.

43101

Project Gutenberg

https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/43101

Release Date

July 6, 2013

Copyright

Public domain in the USA.

Contents

1. 1.WITTY PIECES BY WITTY PEOPLE
2. 2.AT PLAY.
3. 3.WITTY PIECES BY WITTY PEOPLE. — A COLLECTION — MR. AND MRS. BOWSER. — The Former Decides to Give a Progressive Euchre Party. — Reasonable. — Few Things Boston Girls Don't Know. — Saved His Honor. — A Bricklayer. — A Business Term. — NOW SHE IS THIN AND HE IS FAT. — The Wonderful Case of the Mullenhausers, Who Bathed at Coney Island. — Was Qualified. — Where They Might Economize. — Just Why. — She Knew One When She Saw It. — An Incentive to Study. — Connoisseurs. — THE LIMEKILN CLUB. — How Major Drawbar Jones Escaped Expulsion on Serious Charges. — A Good Trade. — A Poetical Cook. — Knowledge Is Power. — A Good Reason for Stopping a Newspaper. — With Interest. — Three Periods of Love. — Where Hens Are Useful. — Not so Mad After All. — Practical Theology. — How it Affects Them. — Cheap Postage. — A MODEST TALE. — It Is Cheerfully Told by a Georgia Munchausen. — Hugging the Shore. — A Night of Terror. — Where the Gold Comes From. — His Cure for Sleeplessness. — Hard to Believe. — AFTER A CLEW. — Methods of the Modern Detective Illustrated by a Small Incident. — Two of a Kind. — A Change of Manœuver. — The Latest Style. — Certainly. — Knew All the Ladies. — The Collar Line. — A Foregone Conclusion. — A Simple Fish Story. — An Unwelcome Invention. — No Balm on Sunday. — An Explanation. — She Could Smell It. — Offended. — Journalistic Comprehensiveness. — A Fatal Mistake. — Successful Speculation. — Her Business. — Burdette on Womankind. — It Was a Bad Mixing Up. — Last Year's Trouble. — At the Ball. — A Thrilling Social Episode. — THE IRISH WIDOW. — Mrs. Magoogin's Promised Donation to the World's Fair Committee. — His Awful Confession. — An Accommodating Boss. — High Up. — Her Perennial Experiences. — "Kin a Quack Move?" — Sleeping With the Baby. — Out of Practice. — What it Did. — As He Knew Them. — Needs an Amendment. — THE IRISH WIDOW. — Mrs. Magoogin Discusses a Proposed Trip to Paris. — Lived on Water. — Unpatriotic. — She Knew the Vegetable. — The Wisdom of Babes. — A Cutting Remark. — Their First Season. — The Rascal Responded Promptly. — Reveries of the Season. — Not So Tough as That. — She Considered it a Deliberate Insult. — MR. BOWSER ON DECK ONCE MORE. — He Delivers a Lecture Upon the Carelessness of Women. — Both in Hard Luck. — He Got There All the Same. — The Course of True Love Never Did Run Smooth. — Willing to Pay in Trade. — Here Again. — A Substitute. — Wrong Train. — An Unreliable Symptom. — A Financial Solomon. — Four Too Many. — Too Much of a Denial. — A Puzzled Celt. — A Suitable Adviser. — Broke In. — Dog Days. — The Firm Schoolmistress. — At the London Law Courts. — The Pensive Maiden. — Our Cunning Kids. — He Was. — HE WAS ONERY BUT INNOCENT. — No Evidence to Convict Thomas of Stealing the Hog. — Not in His Line. — Outwitted. — The Reason. — A Sense of Safety. — New England Courtship as it Was and Is. — Trotters' Rival. — Everything in Its Place. — MAKING A HIT. — A Consolation. — It Was Perfumed. — Quite Sure. — Only a Matter of Form. — Weighed Down. — Quite a Different Thing. — A Negro Who Doesn't Like Chicago Manners. — Too Late Even for Lecocq. — MR. BOWSER AS A WHITEWASHER. — He Is Not a Howling Success at Inside Decorating. — The Latest About Kissing. — Conclusive. — THE HONEYMOON. — The Sly Way in Which Prohibition Works. — His Last Resort. — How She Told the Latest Joke. — On General Principles. — His First Shave. — Two Kinds of Accompaniment. — A Sure Sign. — A Fair Estimate. — Didn't Intend to Hit Him. — Eager for Absorption. — MR. BOWSER IN THE COUNTRY. — He Enjoys Fresh Air and Mosquitoes to His Heart's Content—His Original Method of Milking Not Indorsed by the Cow. — The Hard Luck of Some People. — A Disastrous Clerical Error. — His Complexion Was Against Him. — The Difference. — Sir Wilfred Lawson's Story. — Expected It. — Truth in Absence. — Another Kind of Habit. — Family Loyalty. — Not Related. — One of Chauncey's Latest. — But They Read of It. — Oklahoma Hotel Rules — Electricity Will Do Away With All This. — A Bitter Reflection. — A Mistake at Table. — Answering the Question. — How Appearances Deceive. — One Idea of It. — A Truthful Statement. — A Controlling Feature. — A Jersey Idyl. — A Point Usually Overlooked. — Still Alive. — Devoted Admirers, Both. — A New Definition of a Bobtail Flush. — She Wasn't Posted. — Very Necessary. — A Righteous Judge. — A Family Peculiarity. — Taking One Too Literally. — Had No Regrets. — About to Strike Dead Luck. — March Winds. — Reconciliation. — Confiding. — A Nun-Like Girl and Her Mischievous Friend. — Very Serious. — A WOMAN AT BANK. — The Trouble she gives the Receiving Teller. — An Effective Mule Invigorator. — He Got the Trousers. — A Curiosity. — Clean in the Faith. — A Large Party. — MRS. FLYNN AND THE GOAT. — The Lady's Stirring Narrative, with Spring Lamb Trimmings. — Sam Wellerisms. — Accounting for the Edition. — Twenty-five Cents Ahead. — Not Very Flattering. — Two Kinds of Bands. — It Hurt His Feelings. — Young Man of Killarney. — THE ELIXIR OF LIFE.—By H. C. R. — Just Discovered. — A Blush Absorber. — An Unpardonable Error. — Too Dangerous. — Times Have Changed. — From the Oklahoma "Snorter." — Herr Yager on the Marriage Question. — Attached. — Not Saving His Bacon. — Her Attraction. — Deaf But Sensible.
4. 4.JOURNAL OF SOLOMON SIDESPLITTER.
5. 5.Transcriber's Notes:

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