THE MAN WHO WOULD BE KING
3
Brother to a Prince and fellow to a beggar if he be found worthy
The Law, as quoted, lays down a fair conduct
of life, and one not easy to follow.
I have been fellow to a beggar again and
again under circumstances which prevented either
of us finding out whether the other was worthy.
I have still to be brother to a Prince, though I once
came near to kinship with what might have been
a veritable King, and was promised the reversion
of a Kingdom—army, law-courts, revenue, and
policy all complete. But, to-day, I greatly fear that
my King is dead, and if I want a crown I must go
hunt it for myself.
The beginning of everything was in a railway
train upon the road to Mhow from Ajmir. There
had been a Deficit in the Budget, which necessitated
travelling, not Second-class, which is only half as
4dear as First-class, but by Intermediate, which is
very awful indeed. There are no cushions in the
Intermediate class, and the population are either
Intermediate, which is Eurasian, or native, which
for a long night journey is nasty, or Loafer, which
is amusing though intoxicated. Intermediates do
not buy from refreshment-rooms. They carry
their food in bundles and pots, and buy sweets
from the native sweetmeat-sellers, and drink the
roadside water. That is why in the hot weather
Intermediates are taken out of the carriages dead,
and in all weathers are most properly looked
down upon.
My particular Intermediate happened to be
empty till I reached Nasirabad, when a big black-browed
gentleman in shirt-sleeves entered, and,
following the custom of Intermediates, passed the
time of day. He was a wanderer and a vagabond
like myself, but with an educated taste for whisky.
He told tales of things he had seen and done, of
out-of-the-way corners of the Empire into which
he had penetrated, and of adventures in which he
risked his life for a few days’ food.
‘If India was filled with men like you and me,
not knowing more than the crows where they’d
get their next day’s rations, it isn’t seventy millions
of revenue the land would be paying—it’s seven
hundred millions,’ said he; and as I looked at his
5mouth and chin I was disposed to agree with
him.
We talked politics—the politics of Loaferdom,
that sees things from the underside where the lath
and plaster is not smoothed off—and we talked
postal arrangements because my friend wanted
to send a telegram back from the next station to
Ajmir, the turning-off place from the Bombay
to the Mhow line as you travel westward. My
friend had no money beyond eight annas, which
he wanted for dinner, and I had no money at all,
owing to the hitch in the Budget before mentioned.
Further, I was going into a wilderness where,
though I should resume touch with the Treasury,
there were no telegraph offices. I was, therefore,
unable to help him in any way.
‘We might threaten a Station-master, and make
him send a wire on tick,’ said my friend, ‘but that’d
mean inquiries for you and for me, and I’ve got
my hands full these days. Did you say you are
travelling back along this line within any days?’
‘Within ten,’ I said.
‘Can’t you make it eight?’ said he. ‘Mine is
rather urgent business.’
‘I can send your telegram within ten days if
that will serve you,’ I said.
‘I couldn’t trust the wire to fetch him now I
think of it. It’s this way. He leaves Delhi on
6the 23rd for Bombay. That means he’ll be running
through Ajmir about the night of the 23rd.’
‘But I’m going into the Indian Desert,’ I explained.
‘Well and good,’ said he. ‘You’ll be changing
at Marwar Junction to get into Jodhpore territory—you
must do that—and he’ll be coming through
Marwar Junction in the early morning of the 24th
by the Bombay Mail. Can you be at Marwar
Junction on that time? ’Twon’t be inconveniencing
you because I know that there’s precious few
pickings to be got out of these Central India States—even
though you pretend to be correspondent of
the Backwoodsman.’
‘Have you ever tried that trick?’ I asked.
‘Again and again, but the Residents find you
out, and then you get escorted to the Border before
you’ve time to get your knife into them. But about
my friend here. I must give him a word o’ mouth
to tell him what’s come to me or else he won’t
know where to go. I would take it more than
kind of you if you was to come out of Central
India in time to catch him at Marwar Junction, and
say to him: “He has gone South for the week.”
He’ll know what that means. He’s a big man
with a red beard, and a great swell he is. You’ll
find him sleeping like a gentleman with all his
luggage round him in a Second-class compartment.
7But don’t you be afraid. Slip down the window,
and say: “He has gone South for the week,” and
he’ll tumble. It’s only cutting your time of stay
in those parts by two days. I ask you as a
stranger—going to the West,’ he said with emphasis.
‘Where have you come from?’ said I.
‘From the East,’ said he, ‘and I am hoping that
you will give him the message on the Square—for
the sake of my Mother as well as your own.’
Englishmen are not usually softened by appeals
to the memory of their mothers, but for certain
reasons, which will be fully apparent, I saw fit to
agree.
‘It’s more than a little matter,’ said he, ‘and
that’s why I asked you to do it—and now I know
that I can depend on you doing it. A Second-class
carriage at Marwar Junction, and a red-haired man
asleep in it. You’ll be sure to remember. I get
out at the next station, and I must hold on there
till he comes or sends me what I want.’
‘I’ll give the message if I catch him,’ I said,
‘and for the sake of your Mother as well as mine
I’ll give you a word of advice. Don’t try to run
the Central India States just now as the correspondent
of the Backwoodsman. There’s a real one
knocking about here, and it might lead to trouble.’
‘Thank you,’ said he simply, ‘and when will
the swine be gone? I can’t starve because he’s
8ruining my work. I wanted to get hold of the
Degumber Rajah down here about his father’s
widow, and give him a jump.’
‘What did he do to his father’s widow, then?’
‘Filled her up with red pepper and slippered her
to death as she hung from a beam. I found that
out myself, and I’m the only man that would dare
going into the State to get hush-money for it.
They’ll try to poison me, same as they did in
Chortumna when I went on the loot there. But
you’ll give the man at Marwar Junction my
message?’
He got out at a little roadside station, and I
reflected. I had heard, more than once, of men
personating correspondents of newspapers and
bleeding small Native States with threats of exposure,
but I had never met any of the caste
before. They lead a hard life, and generally die
with great suddenness. The Native States have
a wholesome horror of English newspapers which
may throw light on their peculiar methods of
government, and do their best to choke correspondents
with champagne, or drive them out of
their mind with four-in-hand barouches. They
do not understand that nobody cares a straw for
the internal administration of Native States so
long as oppression and crime are kept within
decent limits, and the ruler is not drugged, drunk,
9or diseased from one end of the year to the other.
They are the dark places of the earth, full of unimaginable
cruelty, touching the Railway and the
Telegraph on one side, and, on the other, the days
of Harun-al-Raschid. When I left the train I did
business with divers Kings, and in eight days
passed through many changes of life. Sometimes
I wore dress-clothes and consorted with Princes
and Politicals, drinking from crystal and eating
from silver. Sometimes I lay out upon the ground
and devoured what I could get, from a plate made
of leaves, and drank the running water, and slept
under the same rug as my servant. It was all in
the day’s work.
Then I headed for the Great Indian Desert upon
the proper date, as I had promised, and the night
Mail set me down at Marwar Junction, where a
funny, little, happy-go-lucky, native-managed railway
runs to Jodhpore. The Bombay Mail from
Delhi makes a short halt at Marwar. She arrived
as I got in, and I had just time to hurry to her
platform and go down the carriages. There was
only one Second-class on the train. I slipped the
window and looked down upon a flaming red beard,
half covered by a railway rug. That was my man,
fast asleep, and I dug him gently in the ribs. He
woke with a grunt, and I saw his face in the light
of the lamps. It was a great and shining face.
10‘Tickets again?’ said he.
‘No,’ said I. ‘I am to tell you that he is gone
South for the week. He has gone South for the
week!’
The train had begun to move out. The red
man rubbed his eyes. ‘He has gone South for
the week,’ he repeated. ‘Now that’s just like his
impidence. Did he say that I was to give you
anything? ’Cause I won’t.’
‘He didn’t,’ I said, and dropped away, and
watched the red lights die out in the dark. It
was horribly cold because the wind was blowing
off the sands. I climbed into my own train—not
an Intermediate Carriage this time—and went to
sleep.
If the man with the beard had given me a
rupee I should have kept it as a memento of a
rather curious affair. But the consciousness of
having done my duty was my only reward.
Later on I reflected that two gentlemen like
my friends could not do any good if they forgathered
and personated correspondents of newspapers,
and might, if they black-mailed one of the
little rat-trap states of Central India or Southern
Rajputana, get themselves into serious difficulties.
I therefore took some trouble to describe them as
accurately as I could remember to people who
would be interested in deporting them; and succeeded,
11so I was later informed, in having them
headed back from the Degumber borders.
Then I became respectable, and returned to an
Office where there were no Kings and no incidents
outside the daily manufacture of a newspaper. A
newspaper office seems to attract every conceivable
sort of person, to the prejudice of discipline.
Zenana-mission ladies arrive, and beg that the
Editor will instantly abandon all his duties to
describe a Christian prize-giving in a back-slum
of a perfectly inaccessible village; Colonels who
have been overpassed for command sit down and
sketch the outline of a series of ten, twelve, or
twenty-four leading articles on Seniority versus
Selection; Missionaries wish to know why they
have not been permitted to escape from their
regular vehicles of abuse and swear at a brother-missionary
under special patronage of the editorial
We; stranded theatrical companies troop up to
explain that they cannot pay for their advertisements,
but on their return from New Zealand or
Tahiti will do so with interest; inventors of patent
punkah-pulling machines, carriage couplings, and
unbreakable swords and axle-trees, call with specifications
in their pockets and hours at their disposal;
tea-companies enter and elaborate their
prospectuses with the office pens; secretaries of
ball-committees clamour to have the glories of
12their last dance more fully described; strange
ladies rustle in and say, ‘I want a hundred lady’s
cards printed at once, please,’ which is manifestly
part of an Editor’s duty; and every dissolute
ruffian that ever tramped the Grand Trunk Road
makes it his business to ask for employment as a
proof-reader. And, all the time, the telephone-bell
is ringing madly, and Kings are being killed
on the Continent, and Empires are saying, ‘You’re
another,’ and Mister Gladstone is calling down
brimstone upon the British Dominions, and the
little black copy-boys are whining, ‘kaa-pi chay-ha-yeh’
(copy wanted) like tired bees, and most
of the paper is as blank as Modred’s shield.
But that is the amusing part of the year.
There are six other months when none ever comes
to call, and the thermometer walks inch by inch
up to the top of the glass, and the office is
darkened to just above reading-light, and the
press-machines are red-hot of touch, and nobody
writes anything but accounts of amusements in
the Hill-stations or obituary notices. Then the
telephone becomes a tinkling terror, because it
tells you of the sudden deaths of men and women
that you knew intimately, and the prickly-heat
covers you with a garment, and you sit down and
write: ‘A slight increase of sickness is reported
from the Khuda Janta Khan District. The outbreak
13is purely sporadic in its nature, and, thanks
to the energetic efforts of the District authorities,
is now almost at an end. It is, however, with
deep regret we record the death, etc.’
Then the sickness really breaks out, and the
less recording and reporting the better for the
peace of the subscribers. But the Empires and
the Kings continue to divert themselves as selfishly
as before, and the Foreman thinks that a daily
paper really ought to come out once in twenty-four
hours, and all the people at the Hill-stations
in the middle of their amusements say: ‘Good
gracious! Why can’t the paper be sparkling?
I’m sure there’s plenty going on up here.’
That is the dark half of the moon, and, as the
advertisements say, ‘must be experienced to be
appreciated.’
It was in that season, and a remarkably evil
season, that the paper began running the last issue
of the week on Saturday night, which is to say
Sunday morning, after the custom of a London
paper. This was a great convenience, for immediately
after the paper was put to bed, the dawn
would lower the thermometer from 96° to almost
84° for half an hour, and in that chill—you have
no idea how cold is 84° on the grass until you
begin to pray for it—a very tired man could get
off to sleep ere the heat roused him.
14One Saturday night it was my pleasant duty to
put the paper to bed alone. A King or courtier
or a courtesan or a Community was going to die
or get a new Constitution, or do something that
was important on the other side of the world, and
the paper was to be held open till the latest possible
minute in order to catch the telegram.
It was a pitchy black night, as stifling as a June
night can be, and the loo, the red-hot wind from
the westward, was booming among the tinder-dry
trees and pretending that the rain was on its heels.
Now and again a spot of almost boiling water
would fall on the dust with the flop of a frog, but
all our weary world knew that was only pretence.
It was a shade cooler in the press-room than the
office, so I sat there, while the type ticked and
clicked, and the night-jars hooted at the windows,
and the all but naked compositors wiped the sweat
from their foreheads, and called for water. The
thing that was keeping us back, whatever it was,
would not come off, though the loo dropped and
the last type was set, and the whole round earth
stood still in the choking heat, with its finger
on its lip, to wait the event. I drowsed, and
wondered whether the telegraph was a blessing,
and whether this dying man, or struggling people,
might be aware of the inconvenience the delay was
causing. There was no special reason beyond the
15heat and worry to make tension, but, as the
clock-hands crept up to three o’clock, and the
machines spun their fly-wheels two or three times
to see that all was in order before I said the word
that would set them off, I could have shrieked
aloud.
Then the roar and rattle of the wheels shivered
the quiet into little bits. I rose to go away, but
two men in white clothes stood in front of me.
The first one said: ‘It’s him!’ The second said:
‘So it is!’ And they both laughed almost as
loudly as the machinery roared, and mopped their
foreheads. ‘We seed there was a light burning
across the road, and we were sleeping in that ditch
there for coolness, and I said to my friend here,
The office is open. Let’s come along and speak
to him as turned us back from the Degumber
State,’ said the smaller of the two. He was the
man I had met in the Mhow train, and his fellow
was the red-bearded man of Marwar Junction.
There was no mistaking the eyebrows of the one
or the beard of the other.
I was not pleased, because I wished to go to
sleep, not to squabble with loafers. ‘What do you
want?’ I asked.
‘Half an hour’s talk with you, cool and
comfortable, in the office,’ said the red-bearded
man. ‘We’d like some drink—the Contrack
16doesn’t begin yet, Peachey, so you needn’t look—but
what we really want is advice. We don’t
want money. We ask you as a favour, because
we found out you did us a bad turn about
Degumber State.’
I led from the press-room to the stifling office
with the maps on the walls, and the red-haired
man rubbed his hands. ‘That’s something like,’
said he. ‘This was the proper shop to come to.
Now, Sir, let me introduce to you Brother Peachey
Carnehan, that’s him, and Brother Daniel Dravot,
that is me, and the less said about our professions
the better, for we have been most things in our
time. Soldier, sailor, compositor, photographer,
proof-reader, street-preacher, and correspondents
of the Backwoodsman when we thought the paper
wanted one. Carnehan is sober, and so am I.
Look at us first, and see that’s sure. It will save
you cutting into my talk. We’ll take one of
your cigars apiece, and you shall see us light up.’
I watched the test. The men were absolutely
sober, so I gave them each a tepid whisky and
soda.
‘Well and good,’ said Carnehan of the eyebrows,
wiping the froth from his moustache.
‘Let me talk now, Dan. We have been all over
India, mostly on foot. We have been boiler-fitters,
engine-drivers, petty contractors, and all
17that, and we have decided that India isn’t big
enough for such as us.’
They certainly were too big for the office.
Dravot’s beard seemed to fill half the room and
Carnehan’s shoulders the other half, as they sat on
the big table. Carnehan continued: ‘The country
isn’t half worked out because they that governs it
won’t let you touch it. They spend all their
blessed time in governing it, and you can’t lift
a spade, nor chip a rock, nor look for oil, nor
anything like that, without all the Government
saying, “Leave it alone, and let us govern.”
Therefore, such as it is, we will let it alone, and
go away to some other place where a man isn’t
crowded and can come to his own. We are not
little men, and there is nothing that we are afraid
of except Drink, and we have signed a Contrack
on that. Therefore, we are going away to be Kings.’
‘Kings in our own right,’ muttered Dravot.
‘Yes, of course,’ I said. ‘You’ve been tramping
in the sun, and it’s a very warm night, and hadn’t
you better sleep over the notion? Come to-morrow.’
‘Neither drunk nor sunstruck,’ said Dravot.
‘We have slept over the notion half a year, and
require to see Books and Atlases, and we have
decided that there is only one place now in the
world that two strong men can Sar-a-whack.
18They call it Kafiristan. By my reckoning it’s the
top right-hand comer of Afghanistan, not more than
three hundred miles from Peshawar. They have
two-and-thirty heathen idols there, and we’ll be
the thirty-third and fourth. It’s a mountaineous
country, and the women of those parts are very
beautiful.’
‘But that is provided against in the Contrack,’ said
Carnehan. ‘Neither Woman nor Liqu-or, Daniel.’
‘And that’s all we know, except that no one
has gone there, and they fight, and in any place
where they fight a man who knows how to drill
men can always be a King. We shall go to those
parts and say to any King we find—“D’you want
to vanquish your foes?” and we will show him
how to drill men; for that we know better than
anything else. Then we will subvert that King
and seize his Throne and establish a Dy-nasty.’
‘You’ll be cut to pieces before you’re fifty miles
across the Border,’ I said. ‘You have to travel
through Afghanistan to get to that country. It’s
one mass of mountains and peaks and glaciers, and
no Englishman has been through it. The people
are utter brutes, and even if you reached them
you couldn’t do anything.’
‘That’s more like,’ said Carnehan. ‘If you
could think us a little more mad we would be
more pleased. We have come to you to know
19about this country, to read a book about it, and to
be shown maps. We want you to tell us that we
are fools and to show us your books.’ He turned
to the bookcases.
‘Are you at all in earnest?’ I said.
‘A little,’ said Dravot sweetly. ‘As big a map
as you have got, even if it’s all blank where
Kafiristan is, and any books you’ve got. We can
read, though we aren’t very educated.’
I uncased the big thirty-two-miles-to-the-inch
map of India, and two smaller Frontier maps,
hauled down volume INF-KAN of the Encyclopædia
Britannica, and the men consulted them.
‘See here!’ said Dravot, his thumb on the map.
‘Up to Jagdallak, Peachey and me know the
road. We was there with Roberts’ Army. We’ll
have to turn off to the right at Jagdallak through
Laghmann territory. Then we get among the
hills—fourteen thousand feet—fifteen thousand—it
will be cold work there, but it don’t look very
far on the map.’
I handed him Wood on the Sources of the Oxus.
Carnehan was deep in the Encyclopædia.
‘They’re a mixed lot,’ said Dravot reflectively;
‘and it won’t help us to know the names of their
tribes. The more tribes the more they’ll fight,
and the better for us. From Jagdallak to Ashang.
H’mm!’
20‘But all the information about the country is
as sketchy and inaccurate as can be,’ I protested.
‘No one knows anything about it really. Here’s
the file of the United Services’ Institute. Read
what Bellew says.’
‘Blow Bellew!’ said Carnehan. ‘Dan, they’re
a stinkin’ lot of heathens, but this book here says
they think they’re related to us English.’
I smoked while the men pored over Raverty,
Wood, the maps, and the Encyclopædia.
‘There is no use your waiting,’ said Dravot
politely. ‘It’s about four o’clock now. We’ll go
before six o’clock if you want to sleep, and we
won’t steal any of the papers. Don’t you sit up.
We’re two harmless lunatics, and if you come
to-morrow evening down to the Serai we’ll say
good-bye to you.’
‘You are two fools,’ I answered. ‘You’ll be
turned back at the Frontier or cut up the minute
you set foot in Afghanistan. Do you want any
money or a recommendation down-country?
I can help you to the chance of work next
week.’
‘Next week we shall be hard at work ourselves,
thank you,’ said Dravot. ‘It isn’t so easy being a
King as it looks. When we’ve got our Kingdom
in going order we’ll let you know, and you can
come up and help us to govern it.’
21‘Would two lunatics make a contrack like
that?’ said Carnehan, with subdued pride, showing
me a greasy half-sheet of notepaper on which was
written the following. I copied it, then and there,
as a curiosity—
This Contract between me and you persuing
witnesseth in the name of God—Amen and so forth.
(One) That me and you will settle this matter
together; i.e. to be Kings of Kafiristan.
(Two) That you and me will not, while this
matter is being settled, look at any
Liquor, nor any Woman black, white, or
brown, so as to get mixed up with one
or the other harmful.
(Three) That we conduct ourselves with Dignity
and Discretion, and if one of us gets
into trouble the other will stay by him.
Signed by you and me this day.
Peachey Taliaferro Carnehan.
Daniel Dravot.
Both Gentlemen at Large.
‘There was no need for the last article,’ said
Carnehan, blushing modestly; ‘but it looks regular.
Now you know the sort of men that loafers
are—we are loafers, Dan, until we get out of
India—and do you think that we would sign a
Contrack like that unless we was in earnest? We
22have kept away from the two things that make
life worth having.’
‘You won’t enjoy your lives much longer if
you are going to try this idiotic adventure. Don’t
set the office on fire,’ I said, ‘and go away before
nine o’clock.’
I left them still poring over the maps and
making notes on the back of the ‘Contrack.’ ‘Be
sure to come down to the Serai to-morrow,’ were
their parting words.
The Kumharsen Serai is the great four-square
sink of humanity where the strings of camels and
horses from the North load and unload. All the
nationalities of Central Asia may be found there,
and most of the folk of India proper. Balkh and
Bokhara there meet Bengal and Bombay, and
try to draw eye-teeth. You can buy ponies,
turquoises, Persian pussy-cats, saddle-bags, fat-tailed
sheep and musk in the Kumharsen Serai,
and get many strange things for nothing. In
the afternoon I went down to see whether my
friends intended to keep their word or were lying
there drunk.
A priest attired in fragments of ribbons and
rags stalked up to me, gravely twisting a child’s
paper whirligig. Behind him was his servant
bending under the load of a crate of mud toys.
The two were loading up two camels, and the
23inhabitants of the Serai watched them with shrieks
of laughter.
‘The priest is mad,’ said a horse-dealer to me.
‘He is going up to Kabul to sell toys to the
Amir. He will either be raised to honour or have
his head cut off. He came in here this morning
and has been behaving madly ever since.’
‘The witless are under the protection of God,’
stammered a flat-cheeked Usbeg in broken Hindi.
‘They foretell future events.’
‘Would they could have foretold that my
caravan would have been cut up by the Shinwaris
almost within shadow of the Pass!’ grunted the
Eusufzai agent of a Rajputana trading-house
whose goods had been diverted into the hands of
other robbers just across the Border, and whose
misfortunes were the laughing-stock of the bazar.
‘Ohé, priest, whence come you and whither do
you go?’
‘From Roum have I come,’ shouted the priest,
waving his whirligig; ‘from Roum, blown by the
breath of a hundred devils across the sea! O
thieves, robbers, liars, the blessing of Pir Khan on
pigs, dogs, and perjurers! Who will take the
Protected of God to the North to sell charms that
are never still to the Amir? The camels shall not
gall, the sons shall not fall sick, and the wives
shall remain faithful while they are away, of the
24men who give me place in their caravan. Who
will assist me to slipper the King of the Roos with
a golden slipper with a silver heel? The protection
of Pir Khan be upon his labours!’ He
spread out the skirts of his gaberdine and pirouetted
between the lines of tethered horses.
‘There starts a caravan from Peshawar to
Kabul in twenty days, Huzrut,’ said the Eusufzai
trader. ‘My camels go therewith. Do thou also
go and bring us good luck,’
‘I will go even now!’ shouted the priest. ‘I
will depart upon my winged camels, and be at
Peshawar in a day! Ho! Hazar Mir Khan,’
he yelled to his servant, ‘drive out the camels, but
let me first mount my own.’
He leaped on the back of his beast as it knelt,
and, turning round to me, cried: ‘Come thou also,
Sahib, a little along the road, and I will sell thee a
charm—an amulet that shall make thee King of
Kafiristan.’
Then the light broke upon me, and I followed
the two camels out of the Serai till we reached open
road and the priest halted.
‘What d’you think o’ that?’ said he in English.
‘Carnehan can’t talk their patter, so I’ve made
him my servant. He makes a handsome servant.
’Tisn’t for nothing that I’ve been knocking about
the country for fourteen years. Didn’t I do that
25talk neat? We’ll hitch on to a caravan at
Peshawar till we get to Jagdallak, and then we’ll
see if we can get donkeys for our camels, and
strike into Kafiristan. Whirligigs for the Amir, O
Lor! Put your hand under the camel-bags and
tell me what you feel.’
I felt the butt of a Martini, and another and
another.
‘Twenty of ’em,’ said Dravot placidly. ‘Twenty
of ’em and ammunition to correspond, under the
whirligigs and the mud dolls.’
‘Heaven help you if you are caught with those
things!’ I said. ‘A Martini is worth her weight
in silver among the Pathans.’
‘Fifteen hundred rupees of capital—every rupee
we could beg, borrow, or steal—are invested on
these two camels,’ said Dravot ‘We won’t get
caught. We’re going through the Khaiber with
a regular caravan. Who’d touch a poor mad
priest?’
‘Have you got everything you want?’ I asked,
overcome with astonishment.
‘Not yet, but we shall soon. Give us a memento
of your kindness, Brother. You did me a service,
yesterday, and that time in Marwar. Half my
Kingdom shall you have, as the saying is.’ I
slipped a small charm compass from my watch-chain
and handed it up to the priest.
26‘Good-bye,’ said Dravot, giving me hand
cautiously. ‘It’s the last time we’ll shake hands
with an Englishman these many days. Shake
hands with him, Carnehan,’ he cried, as the second
camel passed me.
Carnehan leaned down and shook hands. Then
the camels passed away along the dusty road, and
I was left alone to wonder. My eye could detect
no failure in the disguises. The scene in the Serai
proved that they were complete to the native
mind. There was just the chance, therefore,
that Carnehan and Dravot would be able to
wander through Afghanistan without detection.
But, beyond, they would find death—certain and
awful death.
Ten days later a native correspondent giving me
the news of the day from Peshawar, wound up his
letter with: ‘There has been much laughter here
on account of a certain mad priest who is going in
his estimation to sell petty gauds and insignificant
trinkets which he ascribes as great charms to H.H.
the Amir of Bokhara. He passed through Peshawar
and associated himself to the Second Summer caravan
that goes to Kabul. The merchants are pleased
because through superstition they imagine that such
mad fellows bring good fortune.’
The two, then, were beyond the Border. I
would have prayed for them, but, that night, a real
27King died in Europe, and demanded an obituary
notice.
The wheel of the world swings through the
same phases again and again. Summer passed and
winter thereafter, and came and passed again. The
daily paper continued and I with it, and upon the
third summer there fell a hot night, a night-issue, and
a strained waiting for something to be telegraphed
from the other side of the world, exactly as had
happened before. A few great men had died in
the past two years, the machines worked with more
clatter, and some of the trees in the office garden
were a few feet taller. But that was all the difference.
I passed over to the press-room, and went
through just such a scene as I have already described.
The nervous tension was stronger than it
had been two years before, and I felt the heat more
acutely. At three o’clock I cried, ‘Print off,’ and
turned to go, when there crept to my chair what
was left of a man. He was bent into a circle, his
head was sunk between his shoulders, and he
moved his feet one over the other like a bear. I
could hardly see whether he walked or crawled—this
rag-wrapped, whining cripple who addressed
me by name, crying that he was come back.
‘Can you give me a drink?’ he whimpered. ‘For
the Lord’s sake give me a drink!’
28I went back to the office, the man following
with groans of pain, and I turned up the lamp.
‘Don’t you know me?’ he gasped, dropping
into a chair, and he turned his drawn face, surmounted
by a shock of gray hair, to the light.
I looked at him intently. Once before had I
seen eyebrows that met over the nose in an inch-broad
black band, but for the life of me I could
not tell where.
‘I don’t know you,’ I said, handing him the
whisky. ‘What can I do for you?’
He took a gulp of the spirit raw, and shivered
in spite of the suffocating heat.
‘I’ve come back,’ he repeated; ‘and I was the
King of Kafiristan—me and Dravot—crowned
Kings we was! In this office we settled it—you
setting there and giving us the books. I
am Peachey—Peachey Taliaferro Carnehan, and
you’ve been setting here ever since—O Lord!’
I was more than a little astonished, and expressed
my feelings accordingly.
‘It’s true,’ said Carnehan, with a dry cackle,
nursing his feet, which were wrapped in rags.
‘True as gospel. Kings we were, with crowns
upon our heads—me and Dravot—poor Dan—oh,
poor, poor Dan, that would never take advice, not
though I begged of him!’
‘Take the whisky,’ I said, ‘and take your own
29time. Tell me all you can recollect of everything
from beginning to end. You got across the
Border on your camels, Dravot dressed as a mad
priest and you his servant. Do you remember
that?’
‘I ain’t mad—yet, but I shall be that way
soon. Of course I remember. Keep looking at
me, or maybe my words will go all to pieces.
Keep looking at me in my eyes and don’t say
anything.’
I leaned forward and looked into his face as
steadily as I could. He dropped one hand upon
the table and I grasped it by the wrist. It was
twisted like a bird’s claw, and upon the back was a
ragged red diamond-shaped scar.
‘No, don’t look there. Look at me,’ said
Carnehan. ‘That comes afterwards, but for the
Lord’s sake don’t distrack me. We left with that
caravan, me and Dravot playing all sorts of antics
to amuse the people we were with. Dravot used
to make us laugh in the evenings when all the
people was cooking their dinners—cooking their
dinners, and ... what did they do then? They
lit little fires with sparks that went into Dravot’s
beard, and we all laughed—fit to die. Little red
fires they was, going into Dravot’s big red beard—so
funny.’ His eyes left mine and he smiled
foolishly.
30‘You went as far as Jagdallak with that
caravan,’ I said at a venture, ‘after you had lit
those fires. To Jagdallak, where you turned off
to try to get into Kafiristan.’
‘No, we didn’t neither. What are you talking
about? We turned off before Jagdallak, because
we heard the roads was good. But they wasn’t
good enough for our two camels—mine and
Dravot’s. When we left the caravan, Dravot
took off all his clothes and mine too, and said
we would be heathen, because the Kafirs didn’t
allow Mohammedans to talk to them. So we
dressed betwixt and between, and such a sight as
Daniel Dravot I never saw yet nor expect to see
again. He burned half his beard, and slung a
sheepskin over his shoulder, and shaved his head
into patterns. He shaved mine, too, and made
me wear outrageous things to look like a heathen.
That was in a most mountaineous country, and
our camels couldn’t go along any more because
of the mountains. They were tall and black, and
coming home I saw them fight like wild goats—there
are lots of goats in Kafiristan. And these
mountains, they never keep still, no more than the
goats. Always fighting they are, and don’t let
you sleep at night.’
‘Take some more whisky,’ I said very slowly.
‘What did you and Daniel Dravot do when the
31camels could go no farther because of the rough
roads that led into Kafiristan?’
‘What did which do? There was a party
called Peachey Taliaferro Carnehan that was with
Dravot. Shall I tell you about him? He died
out there in the cold. Slap from the bridge fell
old Peachey, turning and twisting in the air like a
penny whirligig that you can sell to the Amir.—No;
they was two for three-ha’pence, those
whirligigs, or I am much mistaken and woful
sore.... And then these camels were no use,
and Peachey said to Dravot—“For the Lord’s
sake let’s get out of this before our heads are
chopped off,” and with that they killed the camels
all among the mountains, not having anything in
particular to eat, but first they took off the boxes
with the guns and the ammunition, till two men
came along driving four mules. Dravot up and
dances in front of them, singing—“Sell me four
mules.” Says the first man—“If you are rich
enough to buy, you are rich enough to rob”; but
before ever he could put his hand to his knife,
Dravot breaks his neck over his knee, and the
other party runs away. So Carnehan loaded the
mules with the rifles that was taken off the camels,
and together we starts forward into those bitter
cold mountaineous parts, and never a road broader
than the back of your hand.’
32He paused for a moment, while I asked him if
he could remember the nature of the country
through which he had journeyed.
‘I am telling you as straight as I can, but my
head isn’t as good as it might be. They drove
nails through it to make me hear better how
Dravot died. The country was mountaineous and
the mules were most contrary, and the inhabitants
was dispersed and solitary. They went up and
up, and down and down, and that other party,
Carnehan, was imploring of Dravot not to sing
and whistle so loud, for fear of bringing down
the tremenjus avalanches. But Dravot says that
if a King couldn’t sing it wasn’t worth being
King, and whacked the mules over the rump, and
never took no heed for ten cold days. We came
to a big level valley all among the mountains, and
the mules were near dead, so we killed them, not
having anything in special for them or us to eat.
We sat upon the boxes, and played odd and even
with the cartridges that was jolted out.
‘Then ten men with bows and arrows ran down
that valley, chasing twenty men with bows and
arrows, and the row was tremenjus. They was
fair men—fairer than you or me—with yellow
hair and remarkable well built. Says Dravot,
unpacking the guns—“This is the beginning of
the business. We’ll fight for the ten men,” and
33with that he fires two rifles at the twenty men,
and drops one of them at two hundred yards from
the rock where he was sitting. The other men
began to run, but Carnehan and Dravot sits on
the boxes picking them off at all ranges, up and
down the valley. Then we goes up to the ten
men that had run across the snow too, and they
fires a footy little arrow at us. Dravot he shoots
above their heads and they all falls down flat.
Then he walks over them and kicks them, and
then he lifts them up and shakes hands all round
to make them friendly like. He calls them and
gives them the boxes to carry, and waves his
hand for all the world as though he was King
already. They takes the boxes and him across
the valley and up the hill into a pine wood on
the top, where there was half-a-dozen big stone
idols. Dravot he goes to the biggest—a fellow
they call Imbra—and lays a rifle and a cartridge
at his feet, rubbing his nose respectful with his
own nose, patting him on the head, and saluting
in front of it. He turns round to the men and
nods his head, and says—“That’s all right. I’m
in the know too, and all these old jim-jams are
my friends.” Then he opens his mouth and
points down it, and when the first man brings
him food, he says—“No”; and when the second
man brings him food he says—“No”; but when
34one of the old priests and the boss of the village
brings him food, he says—“Yes” very haughty,
and eats it slow. That was how we came to our
first village, without any trouble, just as though
we had tumbled from the skies. But we tumbled
from one of those damned rope-bridges, you see,
and—you couldn’t expect a man to laugh much
after that?’
‘Take some more whisky and go on,’ I said.
‘That was the first village you came into. How
did you get to be King?’
‘I wasn’t King,’ said Carnehan. ‘Dravot he
was the King, and a handsome man he looked
with the gold crown on his head and all. Him
and the other party stayed in that village, and
every morning Dravot sat by the side of old
Imbra, and the people came and worshipped.
That was Dravot’s order. Then a lot of men
came into the valley, and Carnehan and Dravot
picks them off with the rifles before they knew
where they was, and runs down into the valley
and up again the other side and finds another
village, same as the first one, and the people all
falls down flat on their faces, and Dravot says—“Now
what is the trouble between you two
villages?” and the people points to a woman, as
fair as you or me, that was carried off, and Dravot
takes her back to the first village and counts up
35the dead—eight there was. For each dead man
Dravot pours a little milk on the ground and
waves his arms like a whirligig, and “That’s all
right,” says he. Then he and Carnehan takes the
big boss of each village by the arm and walks
them down into the valley, and shows them how
to scratch a line with a spear right down the valley,
and gives each a sod of turf from both sides of the
line. Then all the people comes down and shouts
like the devil and all, and Dravot says—“Go and
dig the land, and be fruitful and multiply,” which
they did, though they didn’t understand. Then
we asks the names of things in their lingo—bread
and water and fire and idols and such, and Dravot
leads the priest of each village up to the idol, and
says he must sit there and judge the people, and if
anything goes wrong he is to be shot.
‘Next week they was all turning up the land in
the valley as quiet as bees and much prettier, and
the priests heard all the complaints and told Dravot
in dumb show what it was about. “That’s just
the beginning,” says Dravot “They think we’re
Gods.” He and Carnehan picks out twenty good
men and shows them how to click off a rifle, and
form fours, and advance in line, and they was
very pleased to do so, and clever to see the hang
of it. Then he takes out his pipe and his baccy-pouch
and leaves one at one village, and one at the
36other, and off we two goes to see what was to be
done in the next valley. That was all rock, and
there was a little village there, and Carnehan says—“Send
’em to the old valley to plant,” and takes
’em there, and gives ’em some land that wasn’t
took before. They were a poor lot, and we
blooded ’em with a kid before letting ’em into the
new Kingdom. That was to impress the people,
and then they settled down quiet, and Carnehan
went back to Dravot who had got into another
valley, all snow and ice and most mountaineous.
There was no people there and the Army got
afraid, so Dravot shoots one of them, and goes on
till he finds some people in a village, and the Army
explains that unless the people wants to be killed
they had better not shoot their little matchlocks;
for they had matchlocks. We makes friends with
the priest, and I stays there alone with two of the
Army, teaching the men how to drill, and a
thundering big Chief comes across the snow with
kettle-drums and horns twanging, because he heard
there was a new God kicking about. Carnehan
sights for the brown of the men half a mile across
the snow and wings one of them. Then he sends
a message to the Chief that, unless he wished to
be killed, he must come and shake hands with me
and leave his arms behind. The Chief comes alone
first, and Carnehan shakes hands with him and
37whirls his arms about, same as Dravot used, and
very much surprised that Chief was, and strokes
my eyebrows. Then Carnehan goes alone to the
Chief, and asks him in dumb show if he had an
enemy he hated. “I have,” says the Chief. So
Carnehan weeds out the pick of his men, and sets
the two of the Army to show them drill, and at
the end of two weeks the men can manœuvre
about as well as Volunteers. So he marches
with the Chief to a great big plain on the top of a
mountain, and the Chief’s men rushes into a village
and takes it; we three Martinis firing into the
brown of the enemy. So we took that village
too, and I gives the Chief a rag from my coat and
says, “Occupy till I come”; which was scriptural.
By way of a reminder, when me and the Army
was eighteen hundred yards away, I drops a bullet
near him standing on the snow, and all the people
falls flat on their faces. Then I sends a letter to
Dravot wherever he be by land or by sea.’
At the risk of throwing the creature out of train
I interrupted—‘How could you write a letter up
yonder?’
‘The letter?—Oh!—The letter! Keep looking
at me between the eyes, please. It was a string-talk
letter, that we’d learned the way of it from a
blind beggar in the Punjab.’
I remember that there had once come to the
38office a blind man with a knotted twig and a piece
of string which he wound round the twig according
to some cipher of his own. He could, after the
lapse of days or hours, repeat the sentence which
he had reeled up. He had reduced the alphabet to
eleven primitive sounds, and tried to teach me his
method, but I could not understand.
‘I sent that letter to Dravot,’ said Carnehan;
‘and told him to come back because this Kingdom
was growing too big for me to handle, and then I
struck for the first valley, to see how the priests
were working. They called the village we took
along with the Chief, Bashkai, and the first village
we took, Er-Heb. The priests at Er-Heb was
doing all right, but they had a lot of pending cases
about land to show me, and some men from
another village had been firing arrows at night. I
went out and looked for that village, and fired four
rounds at it from a thousand yards. That used all
the cartridges I cared to spend, and I waited for
Dravot, who had been away two or three months,
and I kept my people quiet.
‘One morning I heard the devil’s own noise of
drums and horns, and Dan Dravot marches down
the hill with his Army and a tail of hundreds of
men, and, which was the most amazing, a great
gold crown on his head. “My Gord, Carnehan,”
says Daniel, “this is a tremenjus business, and
39we’ve got the whole country as far as it’s worth
having. I am the son of Alexander by Queen
Semiramis, and you’re my younger brother and a
God too! It’s the biggest thing we’ve ever seen.
I’ve been marching and fighting for six weeks with
the Army, and every footy little village for fifty
miles has come in rejoiceful; and more than that,
I’ve got the key of the whole show, as you’ll see,
and I’ve got a crown for you! I told ’em to
make two of ’em at a place called Shu, where the
gold lies in the rock like suet in mutton. Gold I’ve
seen, and turquoise I’ve kicked out of the cliffs, and
there’s garnets in the sands of the river, and here’s a
chunk of amber that a man brought me. Call up
all the priests and, here, take your crown.”
‘One of the men opens a black hair bag, and I
slips the crown on. It was too small and too
heavy, but I wore it for the glory. Hammered gold
it was—five pound weight, like a hoop of a barrel.
‘“Peachey,” says Dravot, “we don’t want to
fight no more. The Craft’s the trick, so help me!”
and he brings forward that same Chief that I left at
Bashkai—Billy Fish we called him afterwards,
because he was so like Billy Fish that drove the big
tank-engine at Mach on the Bolan in the old days.
“Shake hands with him,” says Dravot, and I shook
hands and nearly dropped, for Billy Fish gave me
the Grip. I said nothing, but tried him with the
40Fellow Craft Grip. He answers all right, and I
tried the Master’s Grip, but that was a slip. “A
Fellow Craft he is!” I says to Dan. “Does he
know the word?”—“He does,” says Dan, “and all
the priests know. It’s a miracle! The Chiefs and
the priests can work a Fellow Craft Lodge in a way
that’s very like ours, and they’ve cut the marks on
the rocks, but they don’t know the Third Degree,
and they’ve come to find out. It’s Gord’s Truth.
I’ve known these long years that the Afghans knew
up to the Fellow Craft Degree, but this is a miracle.
A God and a Grand-Master of the Craft am I, and
a Lodge in the Third Degree I will open, and we’ll
raise the head priests and the Chiefs of the villages.”
‘“It’s against all the law,” I says, “holding a
Lodge without warrant from any one; and you
know we never held office in any Lodge.”
‘“It’s a master-stroke o’ policy,” says Dravot.
“It means running the country as easy as a four-wheeled
bogie on a down grade. We can’t stop to
inquire now, or they’ll turn against us. I’ve forty
Chiefs at my heel, and passed and raised according
to their merit they shall be. Billet these men on
the villages, and see that we run up a Lodge of
some kind. The temple of Imbra will do for the
Lodge-room. The women must make aprons as
you show them. I’ll hold a levee of Chiefs to-night
and Lodge to-morrow.”
41‘I was fair run off my legs, but I wasn’t such a
fool as not to see what a pull this Craft business
gave us. I showed the priests’ families how to make
aprons of the degrees, but for Dravot’s apron the
blue border and marks was made of turquoise lumps
on white hide, not cloth. We took a great square
stone in the temple for the Master’s chair, and little
stones for the officers’ chairs, and painted the black
pavement with white squares, and did what we
could to make things regular.
‘At the levee which was held that night on the
hillside with big bonfires, Dravot gives out that him
and me were Gods and sons of Alexander, and Past
Grand-Masters in the Craft, and was come to make
Kafiristan a country where every man should eat in
peace and drink in quiet, and specially obey us.
Then the Chiefs come round to shake hands, and
they were so hairy and white and fair it was just
shaking hands with old friends. We gave them
names according as they was like men we had
known in India—Billy Fish, Holly Dilworth, Pikky
Kergan, that was Bazar-master when I was at
Mhow, and so on, and so on.
‘The most amazing miracles was at Lodge next
night. One of the old priests was watching us continuous,
and I felt uneasy, for I knew we’d have to
fudge the Ritual, and I didn’t know what the men
knew. The old priest was a stranger come in from
42beyond the village of Bashkai. The minute Dravot
puts on the Master’s apron that the girls had made
for him, the priest fetches a whoop and a howl, and
tries to overturn the stone that Dravot was sitting
on. “It’s all up now,” I says. “That comes of
meddling with the Craft without warrant!” Dravot
never winked an eye, not when ten priests took and
tilted over the Grand-master’s chair—which was to
say the stone of Imbra. The priest begins rubbing
the bottom end of it to clear away the black dirt,
and presently he shows all the other priests the
Master’s-Mark, same as was on Dravot’s apron, cut
into the stone. Not even the priests of the temple
of Imbra knew it was there. The old chap falls flat
on his face at Dravot’s feet and kisses ’em. “Luck
again,” says Dravot, across the Lodge to me; “they
say it’s the missing Mark that no one could understand
the why of. We’re more than safe now.”
Then he bangs the butt of his gun for a gavel and
says: “By virtue of the authority vested in me by
my own right hand and the help of Peachey, I
declare myself Grand-Master of all Freemasonry in
Kafiristan in this the Mother Lodge o’ the country,
and King of Kafiristan equally with Peachey!” At
that he puts on his crown and I puts on mine—I
was doing Senior Warden—and we opens the Lodge
in most ample form. It was a amazing miracle!
The priests moved in Lodge through the first two
43degrees almost without telling, as if the memory was
coming back to them. After that, Peachey and
Dravot raised such as was worthy—high priests and
Chiefs of far-off villages. Billy Fish was the first,
and I can tell you we scared the soul out of him.
It was not in any way according to Ritual, but it
served our turn. We didn’t raise more than ten of
the biggest men, because we didn’t want to make
the Degree common. And they was clamouring to
be raised.
‘“In another six months,” says Dravot, “we’ll
hold another Communication, and see how you are
working.” Then he asks them about their villages,
and learns that they was fighting one against the
other, and were sick and tired of it. And when
they wasn’t doing that they was fighting with the
Mohammedans. “You can fight those when they
come into our country,” says Dravot. “Tell off
every tenth man of your tribes for a Frontier guard,
and send two hundred at a time to this valley to be
drilled. Nobody is going to be shot or speared any
more so long as he does well, and I know that you
won’t cheat me, because you’re white people—sons
of Alexander—and not like common, black Mohammedans.
You are my people, and by God,” says he,
running off into English at the end—“I’ll make a
damned fine Nation of you, or I’ll die in the
making!”
44‘I can’t tell all we did for the next six months,
because Dravot did a lot I couldn’t see the hang of,
and he learned their lingo in a way I never could.
My work was to help the people plough, and now
and again go out with some of the Army and see
what the other villages were doing, and make ’em
throw rope-bridges across the ravines which cut up
the country horrid. Dravot was very kind to me,
but when he walked up and down in the pine wood
pulling that bloody red beard of his with both fists
I knew he was thinking plans I could not advise
about, and I just waited for orders.
‘But Dravot never showed me disrespect before
the people. They were afraid of me and the Army,
but they loved Dan. He was the best of friends
with the priests and the Chiefs; but any one could
come across the hills with a complaint, and Dravot
would hear him out fair, and call four priests together
and say what was to be done. He used to
call in Billy Fish from Bashkai, and Pikky Kergan
from Shu, and an old Chief we called Kafuzelum—it
was like enough to his real name—and hold
councils with ’em when there was any fighting to
be done in small villages. That was his Council
of War, and the four priests of Bashkai, Shu,
Khawak, and Madora was his Privy Council.
Between the lot of ’em they sent me, with forty
men and twenty rifles and sixty men carrying
45turquoises, into the Ghorband country to buy
those hand-made Martini rifles, that come out of
the Amir’s workshops at Kabul, from one of the
Amir’s Herati regiments that would have sold the
very teeth out of their mouths for turquoises.
‘I stayed in Ghorband a month, and gave the
Governor there the pick of my baskets for hush-money,
and bribed the Colonel of the regiment
some more, and, between the two and the tribes-people,
we got more than a hundred hand-made
Martinis, a hundred good Kohat Jezails that’ll
throw to six hundred yards, and forty man-loads
of very bad ammunition for the rifles. I came
back with what I had, and distributed ’em among
the men that the Chiefs sent in to me to drill.
Dravot was too busy to attend to those things,
but the old Army that we first made helped me,
and we turned out five hundred men that could
drill, and two hundred that knew how to hold
arms pretty straight Even those cork-screwed,
hand-made guns was a miracle to them. Dravot
talked big about powder-shops and factories, walking
up and down in the pine wood when the winter
was coming on.
‘“I won’t make a Nation,” says he. “I’ll
make an Empire! These men aren’t niggers;
they’re English! Look at their eyes—look at
their mouths. Look at the way they stand up.
46They sit on chairs in their own houses. They’re
the Lost Tribes, or something like it, and they’ve
grown to be English. I’ll take a census in the
spring if the priests don’t get frightened. There
must be a fair two million of ’em in these hills.
The villages are full o’ little children. Two
million people—two hundred and fifty thousand
fighting men—and all English! They only want
the rifles and a little drilling. Two hundred and
fifty thousand men, ready to cut in on Russia’s
right flank when she tries for India! Peachey,
man,” he says, chewing his beard in great hunks,
“we shall be Emperors—Emperors of the Earth!
Rajah Brooke will be a suckling to us. I’ll treat
with the Viceroy on equal terms. I’ll ask him to
send me twelve picked English—twelve that I know
of—to help us govern a bit. There’s Mackray,
Sergeant-pensioner at Segowli—many’s the good
dinner he’s given me, and his wife a pair of
trousers. There’s Donkin, the Warder of Tounghoo
Jail; there’s hundreds that I could lay my
hand on if I was in India. The Viceroy shall do
it for me. I’ll send a man through in the spring
for those men, and I’ll write for a dispensation
from the Grand Lodge for what I’ve done as
Grand-Master. That—and all the Sniders that’ll
be thrown out when the native troops in India take
up the Martini. They’ll be worn smooth, but
47they’ll do for fighting in these hills. Twelve
English, a hundred thousand Sniders run through
the Amir’s country in driblets—I’d be content
with twenty thousand in one year—and we’d be
an Empire. When everything was shipshape, I’d
hand over the crown—this crown I’m wearing now—to
Queen Victoria on my knees, and she’d say:
‘Rise up, Sir Daniel Dravot.’ Oh, it’s big! It’s
big, I tell you! But there’s so much to be done
in every place—Bashkai, Khawak Shu, and everywhere
else.”
‘“What is it?” I says. “There are no more
men coming in to be drilled this autumn. Look
at those fat, black clouds. They’re bringing the
snow.”
‘“It isn’t that,” said Daniel, putting his hand
very hard on my shoulder; “and I don’t wish to
say anything that’s against you, for no other living
man would have followed me and made me what I
am as you have done. You’re a first-class Commander-in-Chief,
and the people know you; but—it’s
a big country, and somehow you can’t help me,
Peachey, in the way I want to be helped.”
‘“Go to your blasted priests, then!” I said,
and I was sorry when I made that remark, but it
did hurt me sore to find Daniel talking so superior
when I’d drilled all the men, and done all he told me.
‘“Don’t let’s quarrel, Peachey,” says Daniel
48without cursing. “You’re a King too, and the
half of this Kingdom is yours; but can’t you see,
Peachey, we want cleverer men than us now—three
or four of ’em, that we can scatter about for our
Deputies. It’s a hugeous great State, and I can’t
always tell the right thing to do, and I haven’t
time for all I want to do, and here’s the winter
coming on and all.” He put half his beard into
his mouth, all red like the gold of his crown.
‘“I’m sorry, Daniel,” says I. “I’ve done all I
could. I’ve drilled the men and shown the people
how to stack their oats better; and I’ve brought
in those tinware rifles from Ghorband—but I
know what you’re driving at. I take it Kings
always feel oppressed that way.”
‘“There’s another thing too,” says Dravot,
walking up and down. “The winter’s coming
and these people won’t be giving much trouble,
and if they do we can’t move about. I want a wife.”
‘“For Gord’s sake leave the women alone!” I
says. “We’ve both got all the work we can,
though I am a fool. Remember the Contrack,
and keep clear o’ women.”
‘“The Contrack only lasted till such time as
we was Kings; and Kings we have been these
months past,” says Dravot, weighing his crown in
his hand. “You go get a wife too, Peachey—a
nice, strappin’, plump girl that’ll keep you warm
49in the winter. They’re prettier than English girls,
and we can take the pick of ’em. Boil ’em once
or twice in hot water and they’ll come out like
chicken and ham.”
‘“Don’t tempt me!” I says. “I will not have
any dealings with a woman not till we are a dam’
side more settled than we are now. I’ve been
doing the work o’ two men, and you’ve been doing
the work o’ three. Let’s lie off a bit, and see if we
can get some better tobacco from Afghan country
and run in some good liquor; but no women.”
‘“Who’s talking o’ women?” says Dravot.
“I said wife—a Queen to breed a King’s son for
the King. A Queen out of the strongest tribe,
that’ll make them your blood-brothers, and that’ll
lie by your side and tell you all the people thinks
about you and their own affairs. That’s what I
want.”
‘“Do you remember that Bengali woman I
kept at Mogul Serai when I was a plate-layer?”
says I. “A fat lot o’ good she was to me. She
taught me the lingo and one or two other things;
but what happened? She ran away with the
Station-master’s servant and half my month’s pay.
Then she turned up at Dadur Junction in tow of
a half-caste, and had the impidence to say I was
her husband—all among the drivers in the running-shed
too!”
50‘“We’ve done with that,” says Dravot; “these
women are whiter than you or me, and a Queen
I will have for the winter months.”
‘“For the last time o’ asking, Dan, do not,” I
says. “It’ll only bring us harm. The Bible says
that Kings ain’t to waste their strength on women,
’specially when they’ve got a new raw Kingdom
to work over.”
‘“For the last time of answering I will,” said
Dravot, and he went away through the pine-trees
looking like a big red devil, the sun being on his
crown and beard and all.
‘But getting a wife was not as easy as Dan
thought. He put it before the Council, and there
was no answer till Billy Fish said that he’d better
ask the girls. Dravot damned them all round.
“What’s wrong with me?” he shouts, standing by
the idol Imbra. “Am I a dog or am I not enough
of a man for your wenches? Haven’t I put the
shadow of my hand over this country? Who
stopped the last Afghan raid?” It was me really,
but Dravot was too angry to remember. “Who
bought your guns? Who repaired the bridges?
Who’s the Grand-Master of the sign cut in the
stone?” says he, and he thumped his hand on the
block that he used to sit on in Lodge, and at
Council, which opened like Lodge always. Billy
Fish said nothing and no more did the others.
51“Keep your hair on, Dan,” said I; “and ask the
girls. That’s how it’s done at Home, and these
people are quite English.”
‘“The marriage of the King is a matter of
State,” says Dan, in a white-hot rage, for he could
feel, I hope, that he was going against his better
mind. He walked out of the Council-room, and
the others sat still, looking at the ground.
‘“Billy Fish,” says I to the Chief of Bashkai,
“what’s the difficulty here? A straight answer
to a true friend.”
‘“You know,” says Billy Fish. “How should
a man tell you who knows everything? How can
daughters of men marry Gods or Devils? It’s not
proper.”
‘I remembered something like that in the Bible;
but if, after seeing us as long as they had, they
still believed we were Gods, it wasn’t for me to
undeceive them.
‘“A God can do anything,” says I. “If the
King is fond of a girl he’ll not let her die.”—“She’ll
have to,” said Billy Fish. “There are all
sorts of Gods and Devils in these mountains, and
now and again a girl marries one of them and isn’t
seen any more. Besides, you two know the Mark
cut in the stone. Only the Gods know that. We
thought you were men till you showed the sign of
the Master.”
52‘I wished then that we had explained about the
loss of the genuine secrets of a Master-Mason at
the first go-off; but I said nothing. All that night
there was a blowing of horns in a little dark temple
half-way down the hill, and I heard a girl crying
fit to die. One of the priests told us that she was
being prepared to marry the King.
‘“I’ll have no nonsense of that kind,” says
Dan. “I don’t want to interfere with your
customs, but I’ll take my own wife.”—“The girl’s
a little bit afraid,” says the priest. “She thinks
she’s going to die, and they are a-heartening of her
up down in the temple.”
‘“Hearten her very tender, then,” says Dravot,
“or I’ll hearten you with the butt of a gun so you’ll
never want to be heartened again.” He licked his
lips, did Dan, and stayed up walking about more
than half the night, thinking of the wife that he
was going to get in the morning. I wasn’t any
means comfortable, for I knew that dealings with a
woman in foreign parts, though you was a crowned
King twenty times over, could not but be risky. I
got up very early in the morning while Dravot was
asleep, and I saw the priests talking together in
whispers, and the Chiefs talking together too, and
they looked at me out of the corners of their
eyes.
‘“What is up, Fish?” I say to the Bashkai
53man, who was wrapped up in his furs and looking
splendid to behold.
‘“I can’t rightly say,” says he; “but if you
can make the King drop all this nonsense about
marriage, you’ll be doing him and me and yourself
a great service.”
‘“That I do believe,” says I. “But sure, you
know, Billy, as well as me, having fought against
and for us, that the King and me are nothing more
than two of the finest men that God Almighty
ever made. Nothing more, I do assure you.”
‘“That may be,” says Billy Fish, “and yet I
should be sorry if it was.” He sinks his head
upon his great fur cloak for a minute and thinks.
“King,” says he, “be you man or God or Devil,
I’ll stick by you to-day. I have twenty of my
men with me, and they will follow me. We’ll
go to Bashkai until the storm blows over.”
‘A little snow had fallen in the night, and
everything was white except the greasy fat clouds
that blew down and down from the north. Dravot
came out with his crown on his head, swinging his
arms and stamping his feet, and looking more
pleased than Punch.
‘“For the last time, drop it, Dan,” says I in a
whisper, “Billy Fish here says that there will be a
row.”
‘“A row among my people!” says Dravot.
54“Not much. Peachey, you’re a fool not to get a
wife too. Where’s the girl?” says he with a voice
as loud as the braying of a jackass. “Call up all
the Chiefs and priests, and let the Emperor see if
his wife suits him.”
‘There was no need to call any one. They were
all there leaning on their guns and spears round
the clearing in the centre of the pine wood. A lot
of priests went down to the little temple to bring
up the girl, and the horns blew fit to wake the
dead. Billy Fish saunters round and gets as close
to Daniel as he could, and behind him stood his
twenty men with matchlocks. Not a man of them
under six feet. I was next to Dravot, and behind
me was twenty men of the regular Army. Up
comes the girl, and a strapping wench she was,
covered with silver and turquoises, but white as
death, and looking back every minute at the
priests.
‘“She’ll do,” said Dan, looking her over.
“What’s to be afraid of, lass? Come and kiss
me.” He puts his arm round her. She shuts her
eyes, gives a bit of a squeak, and down goes her
face in the side of Dan’s flaming red beard.
‘“The slut’s bitten me!” says he, clapping his
hand to his neck, and, sure enough, his hand was
red with blood. Billy Fish and two of his matchlock-men
catches hold of Dan by the shoulders
55and drags him into the Bashkai lot, while the
priests howl in their lingo—“Neither God nor
Devil but a man!” I was all taken aback, for a
priest cut at me in front, and the Army behind
began firing into the Bashkai men.
‘“God A’mighty!” says Dan. “What is the
meaning o’ this?”
‘“Come back! Come away!” says Billy Fish.
“Ruin and Mutiny is the matter. We’ll break for
Bashkai if we can.”
‘I tried to give some sort of orders to my men—the
men o’ the regular Army—but it was no
use, so I fired into the brown of ’em with an English
Martini and drilled three beggars in a line. The
valley was full of shouting, howling creatures, and
every soul was shrieking, “Not a God nor a Devil
but only a man!” The Bashkai troops stuck to
Billy Fish all they were worth, but their matchlocks
wasn’t half as good as the Kabul breechloaders,
and four of them dropped. Dan was
bellowing like a bull, for he was very wrathy; and
Billy Fish had a hard job to prevent him running
out at the crowd.
‘“We can’t stand,” says Billy Fish. “Make
a run for it down the valley! The whole place is
against us.” The matchlock-men ran, and we went
down the valley in spite of Dravot. He was
swearing horrible and crying out he was a King.
56The priests rolled great stones on us, and the
regular Army fired hard, and there wasn’t more
than six men, not counting Dan, Billy Fish, and
Me, that came down to the bottom of the valley
alive.
‘Then they stopped firing and the horns in
the temple blew again. “Come away—for God’s
sake come away!” says Billy Fish. “They’ll
send runners out to all the villages before ever we
get to Bashkai. I can protect you there, but I
can’t do anything now.”
‘My own notion is that Dan began to go mad
in his head from that hour. He stared up and
down like a stuck pig. Then he was all for walking
back alone and killing the priests with his bare
hands; which he could have done. “An Emperor
am I,” says Daniel, “and next year I shall be a
Knight of the Queen.”
‘“All right, Dan,” says I; “but come along
now while there’s time.”
‘“It’s your fault,” says he, “for not looking
after your Army better. There was mutiny in
the midst, and you didn’t know—you damned
engine-driving, plate-laying, missionary’s-pass-hunting
hound!” He sat upon a rock and called
me every foul name he could lay tongue to. I
was too heart-sick to care, though it was all his
foolishness that brought the smash.
57‘“I’m sorry, Dan,” says I, “but there’s no
accounting for natives. This business is our Fifty-Seven.
Maybe we’ll make something out of it
yet, when we’ve got to Bashkai.”
‘“Let’s get to Bashkai, then,” says Dan, “and,
by God, when I come back here again I’ll sweep
the valley so there isn’t a bug in a blanket
left!”
‘We walked all that day, and all that night
Dan was stumping up and down on the snow,
chewing his beard and muttering to himself.
‘“There’s no hope o’ getting clear,” said Billy
Fish. “The priests will have sent runners to the
villages to say that you are only men. Why
didn’t you stick on as Gods till things was more
settled? I’m a dead man,” says Billy Fish, and
he throws himself down on the snow and begins
to pray to his Gods.
‘Next morning we was in a cruel bad country—all
up and down, no level ground at all, and no
food either. The six Bashkai men looked at Billy
Fish hungry-way as if they wanted to ask something,
but they said never a word. At noon we
came to the top of a flat mountain all covered with
snow, and when we climbed up into it, behold,
there was an Army in position waiting in the
middle!
‘“The runners have been very quick,” says
58Billy Fish, with a little bit of a laugh. “They
are waiting for us.”
‘Three or four men began to fire from the
enemy’s side, and a chance shot took Daniel in the
calf of the leg. That brought him to his senses.
He looks across the snow at the Army, and sees
the rifles that we had brought into the country.
‘“We’re done for,” says he. “They are
Englishmen, these people,—and it’s my blasted
nonsense that has brought you to this. Get back,
Billy Fish, and take your men away; you’ve done
what you could, and now cut for it. Carnehan,”
says he, “shake hands with me and go along
with Billy. Maybe they won’t kill you. I’ll go
and meet ’em alone. It’s me that did it. Me,
the King!”
‘“Go!” says I. “Go to Hell, Dan! I’m
with you here. Billy Fish, you clear out, and we
two will meet those folk.”
‘“I’m a Chief,” says Billy Fish, quite quiet.
“I stay with you. My men can go.”
‘The Bashkai fellows didn’t wait for a second
word, but ran off, and Dan and Me and Billy Fish
walked across to where the drums were drumming
and the horns were horning. It was cold—awful
cold. I’ve got that cold in the back of my head
now. There’s a lump of it there.’
The punkah-coolies had gone to sleep. Two
59kerosene lamps were blazing in the office, and the
perspiration poured down my face and splashed
on the blotter as I leaned forward. Carnehan was
shivering, and I feared that his mind might go. I
wiped my face, took a fresh grip of the piteously
mangled hands, and said: ‘What happened after
that?’
The momentary shift of my eyes had broken
the clear current.
‘What was you pleased to say?’ whined
Carnehan. ‘They took them without any sound.
Not a little whisper all along the snow, not though
the King knocked down the first man that set
hand on him—not though old Peachey fired his
last cartridge into the brown of ’em. Not a single
solitary sound did those swines make. They just
closed up tight, and I tell you their furs stunk.
There was a man called Billy Fish, a good friend
of us all, and they cut his throat, Sir, then and
there, like a pig; and the King kicks up the
bloody snow and says: “We’ve had a dashed fine
run for our money. What’s coming next?” But
Peachey, Peachey Taliaferro, I tell you, Sir, in
confidence as betwixt two friends, he lost his head,
Sir. No, he didn’t neither. The King lost his
head, so he did, all along o’ one of those cunning
rope-bridges. Kindly let me have the paper-cutter,
Sir. It tilted this way. They marched
60him a mile across that snow to a rope-bridge over
a ravine with a river at the bottom. You may
have seen such. They prodded him behind like
an ox. “Damn your eyes!” says the King.
“D’you suppose I can’t die like a gentleman?”
He turns to Peachey—Peachey that was crying
like a child. “I’ve brought you to this, Peachey,”
says he. “Brought you out of your happy life
to be killed in Kafiristan, where you was late
Commander-in-Chief of the Emperor’s forces.
Say you forgive me, Peachey.”—“I do,” says
Peachey. “Fully and freely do I forgive you,
Dan.”—“Shake hands, Peachey,” says he. “I’m
going now.” Out he goes, looking neither right
nor left, and when he was plumb in the middle of
those dizzy dancing ropes—“Cut, you beggars,”
he shouts; and they cut, and old Dan fell, turning
round and round and round, twenty thousand
miles, for he took half an hour to fall till he struck
the water, and I could see his body caught on a
rock with the gold crown close beside.
‘But do you know what they did to Peachey
between two pine-trees? They crucified him, Sir,
as Peachey’s hand will show. They used wooden
pegs for his hands and his feet; and he didn’t die.
He hung there and screamed, and they took him
down next day, and said it was a miracle that he
wasn’t dead. They took him down—poor old
61Peachey that hadn’t done them any harm—that
hadn’t done them any——’
He rocked to and fro and wept bitterly,
wiping his eyes with the back of his scarred
hands and moaning like a child for some ten
minutes.
‘They was cruel enough to feed him up in the
temple, because they said he was more of a God
than old Daniel that was a man. Then they
turned him out on the snow, and told him to go
home, and Peachey came home in about a year,
begging along the roads quite safe; for Daniel
Dravot he walked before and said: “Come along,
Peachey. It’s a big thing we’re doing.” The
mountains they danced at night, and the mountains
they tried to fall on Peachey’s head, but Dan he
held up his hand, and Peachey came along bent
double. He never let go of Dan’s hand, and he
never let go of Dan’s head. They gave it to him
as a present in the temple, to remind him not to
come again, and though the crown was pure gold,
and Peachey was starving, never would Peachey
sell the same. You knew Dravot, Sir! You knew
Right Worshipful Brother Dravot! Look at him
now!’
He fumbled in the mass of rags round his bent
waist; brought out a black horsehair bag embroidered
with silver thread, and shook therefrom
62on to my table—the dried, withered head of
Daniel Dravot! The morning sun that had long
been paling the lamps struck the red beard and blind
sunken eyes; struck, too, a heavy circlet of gold
studded with raw turquoises, that Carnehan placed
tenderly on the battered temples.
‘You be’old now,’ said Carnehan, ‘the Emperor
in his ’abit as he lived—the King of Kafiristan with
his crown upon his head. Poor old Daniel that
was a monarch once!’
I shuddered, for, in spite of defacements manifold,
I recognised the head of the man of Marwar
Junction. Carnehan rose to go. I attempted to
stop him. He was not fit to walk abroad. ‘Let
me take away the whisky, and give me a little
money,’ he gasped. ‘I was a King once. I’ll go
to the Deputy Commissioner and ask to set in the
Poorhouse till I get my health. No, thank you,
I can’t wait till you get a carriage for me. I’ve
urgent private affairs—in the south—at Marwar.’
He shambled out of the office and departed in
the direction of the Deputy Commissioner’s house.
That day at noon I had occasion to go down the
blinding hot Mall, and I saw a crooked man
crawling along the white dust of the roadside, his
hat in his hand, quavering dolorously after the
fashion of street-singers at Home. There was not
a soul in sight, and he was out of all possible earshot
63of the houses. And he sang through his
nose, turning his head from right to left:—
‘The Son of Man goes forth to war,
A golden crown to gain;
His bloodied banner streams afar—
Who follows in his train?’
I waited to hear no more, but put the poor
wretch into my carriage and drove him off to the
nearest missionary for eventual transfer to the
Asylum. He repeated the hymn twice while he
was with me whom he did not in the least recognise,
and I left him singing it to the missionary.
Two days later I inquired after his welfare of
the Superintendent of the Asylum.
‘He was admitted suffering from sunstroke.
He died early yesterday morning,’ said the Superintendent.
‘Is it true that he was half an hour bareheaded
in the sun at mid-day?’
‘Yes,’ said I, ‘but do you happen to know if he
had anything upon him by any chance when he
died?’
‘Not to my knowledge,’ said the Superintendent.
And there the matter rests.
WEE WILLIE WINKIE AND OTHER STORIES — WEE WILLIE WINKIE — BAA BAA, BLACK SHEEP — The First Bag — The Second Bag — The Third Bag — HIS MAJESTY THE KING — THE DRUMS OF THE FORE AND AFT
65
67
An officer and a gentleman
His full name was Percival William Williams,
but he picked up the other name in a
nursery-book, and that was the end of
the christened titles. His mother’s ayah called him
Willie-Baba, but as he never paid the faintest
attention to anything that the ayah said, her wisdom
did not help matters.
His father was the Colonel of the 195th, and
as soon as Wee Willie Winkie was old enough to
understand what Military Discipline meant, Colonel
Williams put him under it. There was no other
way of managing the child. When he was good
for a week, he drew good-conduct pay; and when
he was bad, he was deprived of his good-conduct
stripe. Generally he was bad, for India offers
many chances of going wrong to little six-year-olds.
Children resent familiarity from strangers, and
Wee Willie Winkie was a very particular child.
68Once he accepted an acquaintance, he was graciously
pleased to thaw. He accepted Brandis, a subaltern
of the 195th, on sight. Brandis was having tea
at the Colonel’s, and Wee Willie Winkie entered
strong in the possession of a good-conduct badge
won for not chasing the hens round the compound.
He regarded Brandis with gravity for at least ten
minutes, and then delivered himself of his opinion.
‘I like you,’ said he slowly, getting off his chair
and coming over to Brandis, ‘I like you. I shall
call you Coppy, because of your hair. Do you
mind being called Coppy? It is because of ve hair,
you know.’
Here was one of the most embarrassing of Wee
Willie Winkie’s peculiarities. He would look at a
stranger for some time, and then, without warning
or explanation, would give him a name. And
the name stuck. No regimental penalties could
break Wee Willie Winkie of this habit. He lost
his good-conduct badge for christening the Commissioner’s
wife ‘Pobs’; but nothing that the
Colonel could do made the Station forego the nickname,
and Mrs. Collen remained ‘Pobs’ till the
end of her stay. So Brandis was christened
‘Coppy,’ and rose, therefore, in the estimation of
the regiment.
If Wee Willie Winkie took an interest in any
one, the fortunate man was envied alike by the
69mess and the rank and file. And in their envy
lay no suspicion of self-interest. ‘The Colonel’s
son’ was idolised on his own merits entirely. Yet
Wee Willie Winkie was not lovely. His face was
permanently freckled, as his legs were permanently
scratched, and in spite of his mother’s almost
tearful remonstrances he had insisted upon having
his long yellow locks cut short in the military
fashion. ‘I want my hair like Sergeant Tummil’s,’
said Wee Willie Winkie, and, his father abetting,
the sacrifice was accomplished.
Three weeks after the bestowal of his youthful
affections on Lieutenant Brandis—henceforward to
be called ‘Coppy’ for the sake of brevity—Wee
Willie Winkie was destined to behold strange
things and far beyond his comprehension.
Coppy returned his liking with interest. Coppy
had let him wear for five rapturous minutes his
own big sword—just as tall as Wee Willie Winkie.
Coppy had promised him a terrier puppy; and
Coppy had permitted him to witness the miraculous
operation of shaving. Nay, more—Coppy had
said that even he, Wee Willie Winkie, would rise
in time to the ownership of a box of shiny knives,
a silver soap-box, and a silver-handled ‘sputter-brush,’
as Wee Willie Winkie called it. Decidedly,
there was no one except his father, who could give
or take away good-conduct badges at pleasure,
70half so wise, strong, and valiant as Coppy with
the Afghan and Egyptian medals on his breast.
Why, then, should Coppy be guilty of the unmanly
weakness of kissing—vehemently kissing—a
‘big girl,’ Miss Allardyce to wit? In the course
of a morning ride Wee Willie Winkie had seen
Coppy so doing, and, like the gentleman he was,
had promptly wheeled round and cantered back to
his groom, lest the groom should also see.
Under ordinary circumstances he would have
spoken to his father, but he felt instinctively that
this was a matter on which Coppy ought first to
be consulted.
‘Coppy,’ shouted Wee Willie Winkie, reining
up outside that subaltern’s bungalow early one
morning—‘I want to see you, Coppy!’
‘Come in, young ’un,’ returned Coppy, who
was at early breakfast in the midst of his dogs.
‘What mischief have you been getting into now?’
Wee Willie Winkie had done nothing notoriously
bad for three days, and so stood on a pinnacle of
virtue.
‘I’ve been doing nothing bad,’ said he, curling
himself into a long chair with a studious affectation
of the Colonel’s languor after a hot parade. He
buried his freckled nose in a tea-cup and, with
eyes staring roundly over the rim, asked: ‘I say,
Coppy, is it pwoper to kiss big girls?’
71‘By Jove! You’re beginning early. Who do
you want to kiss?’
‘No one. My muvver’s always kissing me if I
don’t stop her. If it isn’t pwoper, how was you
kissing Major Allardyce’s big girl last morning, by
ve canal?’
Coppy’s brow wrinkled. He and Miss Allardyce
had with great craft managed to keep their
engagement secret for a fortnight. There were
urgent and imperative reasons why Major Allardyce
should not know how matters stood for at
least another month, and this small marplot had
discovered a great deal too much.
‘I saw you,’ said Wee Willie Winkie calmly.
‘But ve sais didn’t see. I said, “Hut jao!”’
‘Oh, you had that much sense, you young
Rip,’ groaned poor Coppy, half amused and half
angry. ‘And how many people may you have
told about it?’
‘Only me myself. You didn’t tell when I twied
to wide ve buffalo ven my pony was lame; and I
fought you wouldn’t like.’
‘Winkie,’ said Coppy enthusiastically, shaking
the small hand, ‘you’re the best of good fellows.
Look here, you can’t understand all these things.
One of these days—hang it, how can I make you
see it!—I’m going to marry Miss Allardyce, and
then she’ll be Mrs. Coppy, as you say. If your
72young mind is so scandalised at the idea of kissing
big girls, go and tell your father.’
‘What will happen?’ said Wee Willie Winkie,
who firmly believed that his father was omnipotent.
‘I shall get into trouble,’ said Coppy, playing
his trump card with an appealing look at the
holder of the ace.
‘Ven I won’t,’ said Wee Willie Winkie briefly.
‘But my faver says it’s un-man-ly to be always
kissing, and I didn’t fink you’d do vat, Coppy.’
‘I’m not always kissing, old chap. It’s only
now and then, and when you’re bigger you’ll do
it too. Your father meant it’s not good for little
boys.’
‘Ah!’ said Wee Willie Winkie, now fully enlightened.
‘It’s like ve sputter-brush?’
‘Exactly,’ said Coppy gravely.
‘But I don’t fink I’ll ever want to kiss big girls,
nor no one, ’cept my muvver. And I must vat,
you know.’
There was a long pause, broken by Wee Willie
Winkie.
‘Are you fond of vis big girl, Coppy?’
‘Awfully!’ said Coppy.
‘Fonder van you are of Bell or ve Butcha—or
me?’
‘It’s in a different way,’ said Coppy. ‘You
see, one of these days Miss Allardyce will belong
73to me, but you’ll grow up and command the
Regiment and—all sorts of things. It’s quite
different, you see.’
‘Very well,’ said Wee Willie Winkie, rising.
‘If you’re fond of ve big girl I won’t tell any one.
I must go now.’
Coppy rose and escorted his small guest to the
door, adding—‘You’re the best of little fellows,
Winkie. I tell you what. In thirty days from
now you can tell if you like—tell any one you
like.’
Thus the secret of the Brandis-Allardyce engagement
was dependent on a little child’s word.
Coppy, who knew Wee Willie Winkie’s idea of
truth, was at ease, for he felt that he would not
break promises. Wee Willie Winkie betrayed a
special and unusual interest in Miss Allardyce,
and, slowly revolving round that embarrassed
young lady, was used to regard her gravely with
unwinking eye. He was trying to discover why
Coppy should have kissed her. She was not half
so nice as his own mother. On the other hand,
she was Coppy’s property, and would in time
belong to him. Therefore it behoved him to treat
her with as much respect as Coppy’s big sword or
shiny pistol.
The idea that he shared a great secret in common
with Coppy kept Wee Willie Winkie unusually
74virtuous for three weeks. Then the Old Adam
broke out, and he made what he called a ‘campfire’
at the bottom of the garden. How could he
have foreseen that the flying sparks would have
lighted the Colonel’s little hay-rick and consumed
a week’s store for the horses? Sudden and swift
was the punishment—deprivation of the good-conduct
badge and, most sorrowful of all, two
days’ confinement to barracks—the house and
veranda—coupled with the withdrawal of the
light of his father’s countenance.
He took the sentence like the man he strove to
be, drew himself up with a quivering under-lip,
saluted, and, once clear of the room, ran to weep
bitterly in his nursery—called by him ‘my quarters.’
Coppy came in the afternoon and attempted to console
the culprit.
‘I’m under awwest,’ said Wee Willie Winkie
mournfully, ‘and I didn’t ought to speak to you.’
Very early the next morning he climbed on to
the roof of the house—that was not forbidden—and
beheld Miss Allardyce going for a ride.
‘Where are you going?’ cried Wee Willie
Winkie.
‘Across the river,’ she answered, and trotted
forward.
Now the cantonment in which the 195th lay
was bounded on the north by a river—dry in the
75winter. From his earliest years, Wee Willie Winkie
had been forbidden to go across the river, and had
noted that even Coppy—the almost almighty Coppy—had
never set foot beyond it. Wee Willie
Winkie had once been read to, out of a big blue
book, the history of the Princess and the Goblins—a
most wonderful tale of a land where the
Goblins were always warring with the children of
men until they were defeated by one Curdie. Ever
since that date it seemed to him that the bare black
and purple hills across the river were inhabited by
Goblins, and, in truth, every one had said that
there lived the Bad Men. Even in his own house
the lower halves of the windows were covered with
green paper on account of the Bad Men who might,
if allowed clear view, fire into peaceful drawing-rooms
and comfortable bedrooms. Certainly,
beyond the river, which was the end of all the
Earth, lived the Bad Men. And here was Major
Allardyce’s big girl, Coppy’s property, preparing
to venture into their borders! What would
Coppy say if anything happened to her? If the
Goblins ran off with her as they did with Curdie’s
Princess? She must at all hazards be turned
back.
The house was still. Wee Willie Winkie reflected
for a moment on the very terrible wrath of
his father; and then—broke his arrest! It was a
76crime unspeakable. The low sun threw his shadow,
very large and very black, on the trim garden-paths,
as he went down to the stables and ordered
his pony. It seemed to him in the hush of the
dawn that all the big world had been bidden to
stand still and look at Wee Willie Winkie guilty
of mutiny. The drowsy sais gave him his mount,
and, since the one great sin made all others insignificant,
Wee Willie Winkie said that he was
going to ride over to Coppy Sahib, and went out
at a foot-pace, stepping on the soft mould of the
flower-borders.
The devastating track of the pony’s feet was the
last misdeed that cut him off from all sympathy of
Humanity. He turned into the road, leaned forward,
and rode as fast as the pony could put foot
to the ground in the direction of the river.
But the liveliest of twelve-two ponies can do
little against the long canter of a Waler. Miss
Allardyce was far ahead, had passed through the
crops, beyond the Police-posts, when all the guards
were asleep, and her mount was scattering the
pebbles of the river-bed as Wee Willie Winkie left
the cantonment and British India behind him.
Bowed forward and still flogging, Wee Willie
Winkie shot into Afghan territory, and could just
see Miss Allardyce, a black speck, flickering across
the stony plain. The reason of her wandering was
77simple enough. Coppy, in a tone of too-hastily-assumed
authority, had told her overnight that she
must not ride out by the river. And she had
gone to prove her own spirit and teach Coppy
a lesson.
Almost at the foot of the inhospitable hills,
Wee Willie Winkie saw the Waler blunder and
come down heavily. Miss Allardyce struggled
clear, but her ankle had been severely twisted, and
she could not stand. Having fully shown her
spirit, she wept, and was surprised by the apparition
of a white, wide-eyed child in khaki, on a nearly
spent pony.
‘Are you badly, badly hurted?’ shouted Wee
Willie Winkie, as soon as he was within range.
‘You didn’t ought to be here,’
‘I don’t know,’ said Miss Allardyce ruefully,
ignoring the reproof. ‘Good gracious, child, what
are you doing here?’
‘You said you was going acwoss ve wiver,’
panted Wee Willie Winkie, throwing himself off
his pony. ‘And nobody—not even Coppy—must
go acwoss ve wiver, and I came after you ever so
hard, but you wouldn’t stop, and now you’ve
hurted yourself, and Coppy will be angwy wiv me,
and—I’ve bwoken my awwest! I’ve bwoken my
awwest!’
The future Colonel of the 195th sat down and
78sobbed. In spite of the pain in her ankle the girl
was moved.
‘Have you ridden all the way from cantonments,
little man? What for?’
‘You belonged to Coppy. Coppy told me so!’
wailed Wee Willie Winkie disconsolately. ‘I saw
him kissing you, and he said he was fonder of you
van Bell or ve Butcha or me. And so I came.
You must get up and come back. You didn’t
ought to be here. Vis is a bad place, and I’ve
bwoken my awwest.’
‘I can’t move, Winkie,’ said Miss Allardyce,
with a groan. ‘I’ve hurt my foot. What shall I
do?’
She showed a readiness to weep anew, which
steadied Wee Willie Winkie, who had been brought
up to believe that tears were the depth of unmanliness.
Still, when one is as great a sinner as Wee
Willie Winkie, even a man may be permitted to
break down.
‘Winkie,’ said Miss Allardyce, ‘when you’ve
rested a little, ride back and tell them to send out
something to carry me back in. It hurts fearfully.’
The child sat still for a little time and Miss
Allardyce closed her eyes; the pain was nearly
making her faint. She was roused by Wee Willie
Winkie tying up the reins on his pony’s neck and
79setting it free with a vicious cut of his whip that
made it whicker. The little animal headed towards
the cantonments.
‘Oh, Winkie, what are you doing?’
‘Hush!’ said Wee Willie Winkie. ‘Vere’s a
man coming—one of ve Bad Men. I must stay wiv
you. My faver says a man must always look after a
girl. Jack will go home, and ven vey’ll come and
look for us. Vat’s why I let him go.’
Not one man but two or three had appeared
from behind the rocks of the hills, and the heart
of Wee Willie Winkie sank within him, for just
in this manner were the Goblins wont to steal out
and vex Curdie’s soul. Thus had they played in
Curdie’s garden—he had seen the picture—and
thus had they frightened the Princess’s nurse. He
heard them talking to each other, and recognised
with joy the bastard Pushto that he had picked up
from one of his father’s grooms lately dismissed.
People who spoke that tongue could not be the
Bad Men. They were only natives after all.
They came up to the boulders on which Miss
Allardyce’s horse had blundered.
Then rose from the rock Wee Willie Winkie,
child of the Dominant Race, aged six and three-quarters,
and said briefly and emphatically ‘Jao!’
The pony had crossed the river-bed.
The men laughed, and laughter from natives
80was the one thing Wee Willie Winkie could not
tolerate. He asked them what they wanted and
why they did not depart. Other men with most
evil faces and crooked-stocked guns crept out of
the shadows of the hills, till, soon, Wee Willie
Winkie was face to face with an audience some
twenty strong. Miss Allardyce screamed.
‘Who are you?’ said one of the men.
‘I am the Colonel Sahib’s son, and my order is
that you go at once. You black men are frightening
the Miss Sahib. One of you must run into
cantonments and take the news that the Miss
Sahib has hurt herself, and that the Colonel’s son
is here with her.’
‘Put our feet into the trap?’ was the laughing
reply. ‘Hear this boy’s speech!’
‘Say that I sent you—I, the Colonel’s son.
They will give you money.’
‘What is the use of this talk? Take up the
child and the girl, and we can at least ask for the
ransom. Ours are the villages on the heights,’ said
a voice in the background.
These were the Bad Men—worse than Goblins—and
it needed all Wee Willie Winkie’s training
to prevent him from bursting into tears. But
he felt that to cry before a native, excepting
only his mother’s ayah, would be an infamy
greater than any mutiny. Moreover, he, as future
81Colonel of the 195th, had that grim regiment at
his back.
‘Are you going to carry us away?’ said Wee
Willie Winkie, very blanched and uncomfortable.
‘Yes, my little Sahib Bahadur,’ said the tallest
of the men, ‘and eat you afterwards.’
‘That is child’s talk,’ said Wee Willie Winkie.
‘Men do not eat men.’
A yell of laughter interrupted him, but he went
on firmly—‘And if you do carry us away, I tell you
that all my regiment will come up in a day and
kill you all without leaving one. Who will take
my message to the Colonel Sahib?’
Speech in any vernacular—and Wee Willie
Winkie had a colloquial acquaintance with three—was
easy to the boy who could not yet manage his
‘r’s’ and ‘th’s’ aright.
Another man joined the conference, crying: ‘O
foolish men! What this babe says is true. He is
the heart’s heart of those white troops. For the
sake of peace let them go both, for if he be taken,
the regiment will break loose and gut the valley.
Our villages are in the valley, and we shall not
escape. That regiment are devils. They broke
Khoda Yar’s breastbone with kicks when he tried
to take the rifles; and if we touch this child
they will fire and rape and plunder for a month,
till nothing remains. Better to send a man back
82to take the message and get a reward. I say
that this child is their God, and that they will
spare none of us, nor our women, if we harm him.’
It was Din Mahommed, the dismissed groom
of the Colonel, who made the diversion, and an
angry and heated discussion followed. Wee Willie
Winkie, standing over Miss Allardyce, waited the
upshot. Surely his ‘wegiment,’ his own ‘wegiment,’
would not desert him if they knew of his
extremity.
The riderless pony brought the news to the
195th, though there had been consternation in the
Colonel’s household for an hour before. The little
beast came in through the parade-ground in front
of the main barracks, where the men were settling
down to play Spoil-five till the afternoon. Devlin,
the Colour-Sergeant of E Company, glanced at
the empty saddle and tumbled through the barrack-rooms,
kicking up each Room Corporal as he
passed. ‘Up, ye beggars! There’s something
happened to the Colonel’s son,’ he shouted.
‘He couldn’t fall off! S’elp me, ’e couldn’t fall
off,’ blubbered a drummer-boy. ‘Go an’ hunt
acrost the river. He’s over there if he’s anywhere,
an’ maybe those Pathans have got ’im. For the
love o’ Gawd don’t look for ’im in the nullahs!
Let’s go over the river.’
83‘There’s sense in Mott yet,’ said Devlin. ‘E
Company, double out to the river—sharp!’
So E Company, in its shirt-sleeves mainly,
doubled for the dear life, and in the rear toiled the
perspiring Sergeant, adjuring it to double yet faster.
The cantonment was alive with the men of the
195th hunting for Wee Willie Winkie, and the
Colonel finally overtook E Company, far too
exhausted to swear, struggling in the pebbles of
the river-bed.
Up the hill under which Wee Willie Winkie’s
Bad Men were discussing the wisdom of carrying
off the child and the girl, a look-out fired two
shots.
‘What have I said?’ shouted Din Mahommed.
‘There is the warning! The pulton are out already
and are coming across the plain! Get away!
Let us not be seen with the boy.’
The men waited for an instant, and then, as
another shot was fired, withdrew into the hills,
silently as they had appeared.
‘The wegiment is coming,’ said Wee Willie
Winkie confidently to Miss Allardyce, ‘and it’s all
wight. Don’t cwy!’
He needed the advice himself, for ten minutes
later, when his father came up, he was weeping
bitterly with his head in Miss Allardyce’s lap.
And the men of the 195th carried him home
84with shouts and rejoicings; and Coppy, who had
ridden a horse into a lather, met him, and, to his
intense disgust, kissed him openly in the presence
of the men.
But there was balm for his dignity. His father
assured him that not only would the breaking of
arrest be condoned, but that the good-conduct
badge would be restored as soon as his mother
could sew it on his blouse-sleeve. Miss Allardyce
had told the Colonel a story that made him proud
of his son.
‘She belonged to you, Coppy,’ said Wee Willie
Winkie, indicating Miss Allardyce with a grimy
forefinger. ‘I knew she didn’t ought to go acwoss
ve wiver, and I knew ve wegiment would come to
me if I sent Jack home.’
‘You’re a hero, Winkie,’ said Coppy—‘a pukka
hero!’
‘I don’t know what vat means,’ said Wee Willie
Winkie, ‘but you mustn’t call me Winkie any no
more. I’m Percival Will’am Will’ams.’
And in this manner did Wee Willie Winkie
enter into his manhood.
85
Baa Baa, Black Sheep,
Have you any wool?
Yes, Sir, yes, Sir, three bags full.
One for the Master, one for the Dame—
None for the Little Boy that cries down the lane.
Nursery Rhyme.
When I was in my father’s house, I was in a better place.
They were putting Punch to bed—the ayah
and the hamal and Meeta, the big Surti
boy, with the red and gold turban. Judy,
already tucked inside her mosquito-curtains, was
nearly asleep. Punch had been allowed to stay up
for dinner. Many privileges had been accorded
to Punch within the last ten days, and a greater
kindness from the people of his world had encompassed
his ways and works, which were mostly
obstreperous. He sat on the edge of his bed and
swung his bare legs defiantly.
86‘Punch-baba going to bye-lo?’ said the ayah
suggestively.
‘No,’ said Punch. ‘Punch-baba wants the
story about the Ranee that was turned into a tiger.
Meeta must tell it, and the hamal shall hide behind
the door and make tiger-noises at the proper time,’
‘But Judy-baba will wake up,’ said the ayah.
‘Judy-baba is waked,’ piped a small voice from
the mosquito-curtains. ‘There was a Ranee that
lived at Delhi. Go on, Meeta,’ and she fell fast
asleep again while Meeta began the story.
Never had Punch secured the telling of that
tale with so little opposition. He reflected for a
long time. The hamal made the tiger-noises in
twenty different keys.
‘’Top!’ said Punch authoritatively. ‘Why
doesn’t Papa come in and say he is going to give
me put-put?’
‘Punch-baba is going away,’ said the ayah. ‘In
another week there will be no Punch-baba to pull
my hair any more.’ She sighed softly, for the boy
of the household was very dear to her heart.
‘Up the Ghauts in a train?’ said Punch,
standing on his bed. ‘All the way to Nassick
where the Ranee-Tiger lives?’
‘Not to Nassick this year, little Sahib,’ said
Meeta, lifting him on his shoulder. ‘Down to
the sea where the cocoa-nuts are thrown, and across
87the sea in a big ship. Will you take Meeta with
you to Belait?’
‘You shall all come,’ said Punch, from the
height of Meeta’s strong arms. ‘Meeta and the
ayah and the hamal and Bhini-in-the-Garden, and
the salaam-Captain-Sahib-snake-man.’
There was no mockery in Meeta’s voice when
he replied—‘Great is the Sahib’s favour,’ and laid
the little man down in the bed, while the ayah,
sitting in the moonlight at the doorway, lulled
him to sleep with an interminable canticle such as
they sing in the Roman Catholic Church at Parel.
Punch curled himself into a ball and slept.
Next morning Judy shouted that there was a
rat in the nursery, and thus he forgot to tell her
the wonderful news. It did not much matter, for
Judy was only three and she would not have
understood. But Punch was five; and he knew
that going to England would be much nicer than
a trip to Nassick.
Papa and Mamma sold the brougham and the
piano, and stripped the house, and curtailed the
allowance of crockery for the daily meals, and
took long counsel together over a bundle of letters
bearing the Rocklington postmark.
‘The worst of it is that one can’t be certain of
anything,’ said Papa, pulling his moustache. ‘The
88letters in themselves are excellent, and the terms
are moderate enough.’
‘The worst of it is that the children will grow
up away from me,’ thought Mamma; but she did
not say it aloud.
‘We are only one case among hundreds,’ said
Papa bitterly. ‘You shall go Home again in five
years, dear.’
‘Punch will be ten then—and Judy eight.
Oh, how long and long and long the time will be!
And we have to leave them among strangers.’
‘Punch is a cheery little chap. He’s sure to
make friends wherever he goes.’
‘And who could help loving my Ju?’
They were standing over the cots in the nursery
late at night, and I think that Mamma was crying
softly. After Papa had gone away, she knelt
down by the side of Judy’s cot. The ayah saw
her and put up a prayer that the memsahib might
never find the love of her children taken away
from her and given to a stranger.
Mamma’s own prayer was a slightly illogical
one. Summarised it ran: ‘Let strangers love my
children and be as good to them as I should be,
but let me preserve their love and their confidence
for ever and ever. Amen.’ Punch scratched
himself in his sleep, and Judy moaned a little.
Next day they all went down to the sea, and
89there was a scene at the Apollo Bunder when
Punch discovered that Meeta could not come too,
and Judy learned that the ayah must be left
behind. But Punch found a thousand fascinating
things in the rope, block, and steam-pipe line on
the big P. and O. Steamer long before Meeta and
the ayah had dried their tears.
‘Come back, Punch-baba’ said the ayah.
‘Come back,’ said Meeta, ‘and be a Burra
Sahib’ (a big man).
‘Yes,’ said Punch, lifted up in his father’s arms
to wave good-bye. ‘Yes, I will come back, and I
will be a Burra Sahib Bahadur!’ (a very big man
indeed).
At the end of the first day Punch demanded to
be set down in England, which he was certain
must be close at hand. Next day there was a
merry breeze, and Punch was very sick. ‘When
I come back to Bombay,’ said Punch on his
recovery, ‘I will come by the road—in a broom-gharri.
This is a very naughty ship.’
The Swedish boatswain consoled him, and he
modified his opinions as the voyage went on.
There was so much to see and to handle and ask
questions about that Punch nearly forgot the ayah
and Meeta and the hamal, and with difficulty
remembered a few words of the Hindustani once
his second-speech.
90But Judy was much worse. The day before
the steamer reached Southampton, Mamma asked
her if she would not like to see the ayah again.
Judy’s blue eyes turned to the stretch of sea that
had swallowed all her tiny past, and she said:
‘Ayah! What ayah?’
Mamma cried over her and Punch marvelled.
It was then that he heard for the first time
Mamma’s passionate appeal to him never to let
Judy forget Mamma. Seeing that Judy was
young, ridiculously young, and that Mamma,
every evening for four weeks past, had come into
the cabin to sing her and Punch to sleep with a
mysterious rune that he called ‘Sonny, my soul,’
Punch could not understand what Mamma meant.
But he strove to do his duty; for, the moment
Mamma left the cabin, he said to Judy: ‘Ju, you
bemember Mamma?’
‘’Torse I do,’ said Judy.
‘Then always bemember Mamma, ’r else I won’t
give you the paper ducks that the red-haired
Captain Sahib cut out for me.’
So Judy promised always to ‘bemember
Mamma.’
Many and many a time was Mamma’s command
laid upon Punch, and Papa would say the
same thing with an insistence that awed the
child.
91‘You must make haste and learn to write,
Punch,’ said Papa, ‘and then you’ll be able to
write letters to us in Bombay.’
‘I’ll come into your room,’ said Punch, and
Papa choked.
Papa and Mamma were always choking in those
days. If Punch took Judy to task for not ‘bemembering,’
they choked. If Punch sprawled on the
sofa in the Southampton lodging-house and
sketched his future in purple and gold, they
choked; and so they did if Judy put up her
mouth for a kiss.
Through many days all four were vagabonds on
the face of the earth—Punch with no one to give
orders to, Judy too young for anything, and Papa
and Mamma grave, distracted, and choking.
‘Where,’ demanded Punch, wearied of a loathsome
contrivance on four wheels with a mound of
luggage atop—‘where is our broom-gharri? This
thing talks so much that I can’t talk. Where is
our own broom-gharri? When I was at Bandstand
before we comed away, I asked Inverarity
Sahib why he was sitting in it, and he said it was
his own. And I said, “I will give it you”—I like
Inverarity Sahib—and I said, “Can you put your
legs through the pully-wag loops by the windows?”
And Inverarity Sahib said No, and laughed, I can
put my legs through the pully-wag loops. I can
92put my legs through these pully-wag loops. Look!
Oh, Mamma’s crying again! I didn’t know I
wasn’t not to do so.’
Punch drew his legs out of the loops of the
four-wheeler: the door opened and he slid to the
earth, in a cascade of parcels, at the door of an
austere little villa whose gates bore the legend
‘Downe Lodge.’ Punch gathered himself together
and eyed the house with disfavour. It stood on a
sandy road, and a cold wind tickled his knickerbockered
legs.
‘Let us go away,’ said Punch. ‘This is not a
pretty place.’
But Mamma and Papa and Judy had left the
cab, and all the luggage was being taken into the
house. At the doorstep stood a woman in black,
and she smiled largely, with dry chapped lips.
Behind her was a man, big, bony, gray, and lame
as to one leg—behind him a boy of twelve, black-haired
and oily in appearance. Punch surveyed
the trio, and advanced without fear, as he had been
accustomed to do in Bombay when callers came
and he happened to be playing in the veranda.
‘How do you do?’ said he. ‘I am Punch.’
But they were all looking at the luggage—all
except the gray man, who shook hands with Punch,
and said he was ‘a smart little fellow.’ There was
much running about and banging of boxes, and
93Punch curled himself up on the sofa in the dining-room
and considered things.
‘I don’t like these people,’ said Punch. ‘But
never mind. We’ll go away soon. We have
always went away soon from everywhere. I wish
we was gone back to Bombay soon.’
The wish bore no fruit. For six days Mamma
wept at intervals, and showed the woman in black
all Punch’s clothes—a liberty which Punch resented.
‘But p’raps she’s a new white ayah,’ he thought.
‘I’m to call her Antirosa, but she doesn’t call me
Sahib. She says just Punch,’ he confided to Judy.
‘What is Antirosa?’
Judy didn’t know. Neither she nor Punch had
heard anything of an animal called an aunt. Their
world had been Papa and Mamma, who knew
everything, permitted everything, and loved everybody—even
Punch when he used to go into the
garden at Bombay and fill his nails with mould
after the weekly nail-cutting, because, as he explained
between two strokes of the slipper to his
sorely-tried Father, his fingers ‘felt so new at the
ends.’
In an undefined way Punch judged it advisable to
keep both parents between himself and the woman
in black and the boy in black hair. He did not
approve of them. He liked the gray man, who had
expressed a wish to be called ‘Uncleharri.’ They
94nodded at each other when they met, and the gray
man showed him a little ship with rigging that took
up and down.
‘She is a model of the Brisk—the little Brisk
that was sore exposed that day at Navarino.’ The
gray man hummed the last words and fell into a
reverie. ‘I’ll tell you about Navarino, Punch, when
we go for walks together; and you mustn’t touch
the ship, because she’s the Brisk.’
Long before that walk, the first of many, was
taken, they roused Punch and Judy in the chill
dawn of a February morning to say Good-bye;
and of all people in the wide earth to Papa and
Mamma—both crying this time. Punch was very
sleepy and Judy was cross.
‘Don’t forget us,’ pleaded Mamma. ‘Oh, my
little son, don’t forget us, and see that Judy
remembers too.’
‘I’ve told Judy to bemember,’ said Punch,
wriggling, for his father’s beard tickled his neck,
‘I’ve told Judy—ten—forty—’leven thousand
times. But Ju’s so young—quite a baby—isn’t
she?’
‘Yes,’ said Papa, ‘quite a baby, and you must
be good to Judy, and make haste to learn to write
and—and—and——’
Punch was back in his bed again. Judy was
fast asleep, and there was the rattle of a cab below.
95Papa and Mamma had gone away. Not to Nassick;
that was across the sea. To some place much
nearer, of course, and equally of course they would
return. They came back after dinner-parties, and
Papa had come back after he had been to a place
called ‘The Snows,’ and Mamma with him, to
Punch and Judy at Mrs. Inverarity’s house in
Marine Lines. Assuredly they would come back
again. So Punch fell asleep till the true morning,
when the black-haired boy met him with the
information that Papa and Mamma had gone to
Bombay, and that he and Judy were to stay
at Downe Lodge ‘for ever.’ Antirosa, tearfully
appealed to for a contradiction, said that Harry
had spoken the truth, and that it behoved Punch
to fold up his clothes neatly on going to bed.
Punch went out and wept bitterly with Judy, into
whose fair head he had driven some ideas of the
meaning of separation.
When a matured man discovers that he has been
deserted by Providence, deprived of his God, and
cast without help, comfort, or sympathy, upon a
world which is new and strange to him, his despair,
which may find expression in evil-living, the writing
of his experiences, or the more satisfactory diversion
of suicide, is generally supposed to be impressive.
A child, under exactly similar circumstances as far
as its knowledge goes, cannot very well curse God
96and die. It howls till its nose is red, its eyes are
sore, and its head aches. Punch and Judy, through
no fault of their own, had lost all their world.
They sat in the hall and cried; the black-haired
boy looking on from afar.
The model of the ship availed nothing, though
the gray man assured Punch that he might pull the
rigging up and down as much as he pleased; and
Judy was promised free entry into the kitchen.
They wanted Papa and Mamma gone to Bombay
beyond the seas, and their grief while it lasted was
without remedy.
When the tears ceased the house was very still.
Antirosa had decided that it was better to let the
children ‘have their cry out,’ and the boy had gone
to school. Punch raised his head from the floor
and sniffed mournfully. Judy was nearly asleep.
Three short years had not taught her how to bear
sorrow with full knowledge. There was a distant,
dull boom in the air—a repeated heavy thud.
Punch knew that sound in Bombay in the Monsoon.
It was the sea—the sea that must be
traversed before any one could get to Bombay.
‘Quick, Ju!’ he cried, ‘we’re close to the sea.
I can hear it! Listen! That’s where they’ve
went. P’raps we can catch them if we was in
time. They didn’t mean to go without us.
They’ve only forgot.’
97‘Iss,’ said Judy. ‘They’ve only forgotted.
Less go to the sea.’
The hall-door was open and so was the garden-gate.
‘It’s very, very big, this place,’ he said, looking
cautiously down the road, ‘and we will get lost;
but I will find a man and order him to take me
back to my house—like I did in Bombay.’
He took Judy by the hand, and the two ran
hatless in the direction of the sound of the sea.
Downe Villa was almost the last of a range of
newly-built houses running out, through a field of
brick-mounds, to a heath where gypsies occasionally
camped and where the Garrison Artillery of
Rocklington practised. There were few people to
be seen, and the children might have been taken
for those of the soldiery who ranged far. Half an
hour the wearied little legs tramped across heath,
potato-patch, and sand-dune.
‘I’se so tired,’ said Judy, ‘and Mamma will be
angry.’
‘Mamma’s never angry. I suppose she is waiting
at the sea now while Papa gets tickets. We’ll
find them and go along with them. Ju, you
mustn’t sit down. Only a little more and we’ll
come to the sea. Ju, if you sit down I’ll thmack
you!’ said Punch.
They climbed another dune, and came upon the
98great gray sea at low tide. Hundreds of crabs
were scuttling about the beach, but there was no
trace of Papa and Mamma, not even of a ship
upon the waters—nothing but sand and mud for
miles and miles.
And ‘Uncleharri’ found them by chance—very
muddy and very forlorn—Punch dissolved in tears,
but trying to divert Judy with an ‘ickle trab,’ and
Judy wailing to the pitiless horizon for ‘Mamma,
Mamma!’—and again ‘Mamma!’
Ah, well-a-day, for we are souls bereaved!
Of all the creatures under Heaven’s wide scope
We are most hopeless, who had once most hope,
And most beliefless, who had most believed.
The City of Dreadful Night.
All this time not a word about Black Sheep.
He came later, and Harry the black-haired boy was
mainly responsible for his coming.
Judy—who could help loving little Judy?—passed,
by special permit, into the kitchen and
thence straight to Aunty Rosa’s heart. Harry was
Aunty Rosa’s one child, and Punch was the extra
boy about the house. There was no special place
99for him or his little affairs, and he was forbidden
to sprawl on sofas and explain his ideas about the
manufacture of this world and his hopes for his
future. Sprawling was lazy and wore out sofas,
and little boys were not expected to talk. They
were talked to, and the talking to was intended for
the benefit of their morals. As the unquestioned
despot of the house at Bombay, Punch could not
quite understand how he came to be of no account
in this his new life.
Harry might reach across the table and take
what he wanted; Judy might point and get what
she wanted. Punch was forbidden to do either.
The gray man was his great hope and stand-by for
many months after Mamma and Papa left, and he
had forgotten to tell Judy to ‘bemember Mamma.’
This lapse was excusable, because in the interval
he had been introduced by Aunty Rosa to two very
impressive things—an abstraction called God, the
intimate friend and ally of Aunty Rosa, generally
believed to live behind the kitchen-range because it
was hot there—and a dirty brown book filled with
unintelligible dots and marks. Punch was always
anxious to oblige everybody. He therefore welded
the story of the Creation on to what he could recollect
of his Indian fairy tales, and scandalised Aunty
Rosa by repeating the result to Judy. It was a
sin, a grievous sin, and Punch was talked to for
100a quarter of an hour. He could not understand
where the iniquity came in, but was careful not to
repeat the offence, because Aunty Rosa told him
that God had heard every word he had said and
was very angry. If this were true why didn’t God
come and say so, thought Punch, and dismissed
the matter from his mind. Afterwards he learned
to know the Lord as the only thing in the world
more awful than Aunty Rosa—as a Creature that
stood in the background and counted the strokes
of the cane.
But the reading was, just then, a much more
serious matter than any creed. Aunty Rosa sat
him upon a table and told him that A B meant ab.
‘Why?’ said Punch. ‘A is a and B is bee.
Why does A B mean ab?’
‘Because I tell you it does,’ said Aunty Rosa,
‘and you’ve got to say it.’
Punch said it accordingly, and for a month,
hugely against his will, stumbled through the
brown book, not in the least comprehending what
it meant. But Uncle Harry, who walked much
and generally alone, was wont to come into the
nursery and suggest to Aunty Rosa that Punch
should walk with him. He seldom spoke, but he
showed Punch all Rocklington, from the mudbanks
and the sand of the back-bay to the great
harbours where ships lay at anchor, and the dockyards
101where the hammers were never still, and the
marine-store shops, and the shiny brass counters
in the Offices where Uncle Harry went once
every three months with a slip of blue paper and
received sovereigns in exchange; for he held a
wound-pension. Punch heard, too, from his lips
the story of the battle of Navarino, where the
sailors of the Fleet, for three days afterwards,
were deaf as posts and could only sign to each
other. ‘That was because of the noise of the
guns,’ said Uncle Harry, ‘and I have got the
wadding of a bullet somewhere inside me now.’
Punch regarded him with curiosity. He had
not the least idea what wadding was, and his notion
of a bullet was a dockyard cannon-ball bigger than
his own head. How could Uncle Harry keep a
cannon-ball inside him? He was ashamed to ask,
for fear Uncle Harry might be angry.
Punch had never known what anger—real anger—meant
until one terrible day when Harry had
taken his paint-box to paint a boat with, and Punch
had protested. Then Uncle Harry had appeared
on the scene and, muttering something about
‘strangers’ children,’ had with a stick smitten the
black-haired boy across the shoulders till he wept
and yelled, and Aunty Rosa came in and abused
Uncle Harry for cruelty to his own flesh and
blood, and Punch shuddered to the tips of his
102shoes. ‘It wasn’t my fault,’ he explained to the
boy, but both Harry and Aunty Rosa said that
it was, and that Punch had told tales, and for
a week there were no more walks with Uncle
Harry.
But that week brought a great joy to Punch.
He had repeated till he was thrice weary the
statement that ‘the Cat lay on the Mat and the
Rat came in.’
‘Now I can truly read,’ said Punch, ‘and now
I will never read anything in the world.’
He put the brown book in the cupboard where
his school-books lived and accidentally tumbled
out a venerable volume, without covers, labelled
Sharpe’s Magazine. There was the most portentous
picture of a griffin on the first page, with verses
below. The griffin carried off one sheep a day
from a German village, till a man came with a
‘falchion’ and split the griffin open. Goodness
only knew what a falchion was, but there was
the Griffin, and his history was an improvement
upon the eternal Cat.
‘This,’ said Punch, ‘means things, and now I
will know all about everything in all the world.’
He read till the light failed, not understanding a
tithe of the meaning, but tantalised by glimpses of
new worlds hereafter to be revealed.
‘What is a “falchion”? What is a “e-wee
103lamb”? What is a “base ussurper”? What is
a “verdant me-ad”?’ he demanded with flushed
cheeks, at bedtime, of the astonished Aunty Rosa.
‘Say your prayers and go to sleep,’ she replied,
and that was all the help Punch then or afterwards
found at her hands in the new and delightful
exercise of reading.
‘Aunty Rosa only knows about God and things
like that,’ argued Punch. ‘Uncle Harry will tell
me.’
The next walk proved that Uncle Harry could
not help either; but he allowed Punch to talk,
and even sat down on a bench to hear about the
Griffin. Other walks brought other stories as
Punch ranged farther afield, for the house held
large store of old books that no one ever opened—from
Frank Fairlegh in serial numbers, and the
earlier poems of Tennyson, contributed anonymously
to Sharpe’s Magazine, to ‘62 Exhibition
Catalogues, gay with colours and delightfully
incomprehensible, and odd leaves of Gulliver’s
Travels.
As soon as Punch could string a few pot-hooks
together he wrote to Bombay, demanding by
return of post ‘all the books in all the world.’
Papa could not comply with this modest indent,
but sent Grimm’s Fairy Tales and a Hans Andersen.
That was enough. If he were only left
104alone Punch could pass, at any hour he chose,
into a land of his own, beyond reach of Aunty
Rosa and her God, Harry and his teasements, and
Judy’s claims to be played with.
‘Don’t disturve me, I’m reading. Go and play
in the kitchen,’ grunted Punch. ‘Aunty Rosa lets
you go there.’ Judy was cutting her second teeth
and was fretful. She appealed to Aunty Rosa,
who descended on Punch.
‘I was reading,’ he explained, ‘reading a book
I want to read.’
‘You’re only doing that to show off,’ said
Aunty Rosa. ‘But we’ll see. Play with Judy
now, and don’t open a book for a week.’
Judy did not pass a very enjoyable playtime
with Punch, who was consumed with indignation.
There was a pettiness at the bottom of the prohibition
which puzzled him.
‘It’s what I like to do,’ he said, ‘and she’s
found out that and stopped me. Don’t cry, Ju—it
wasn’t your fault—please don’t cry, or she’ll say
I made you.’
Ju loyally mopped up her tears, and the two
played in their nursery, a room in the basement
and half underground, to which they were regularly
sent after the mid-day dinner while Aunty Rosa
slept. She drank wine—that is to say, something
from a bottle in the cellaret—for her stomach’s
105sake, but if she did not fall asleep she would sometimes
come into the nursery to see that the children
were really playing. Now bricks, wooden hoops,
ninepins, and chinaware cannot amuse for ever,
especially when all Fairyland is to be won by the
mere opening of a book, and, as often as not,
Punch would be discovered reading to Judy or
telling her interminable tales. That was an
offence in the eyes of the law, and Judy would
be whisked off by Aunty Rosa, while Punch was
left to play alone, ‘and be sure that I hear you
doing it.’
It was not a cheering employ, for he had to
make a playful noise. At last, with infinite craft,
he devised an arrangement whereby the table could
be supported as to three legs on toy bricks, leaving
the fourth clear to bring down on the floor. He
could work the table with one hand and hold a
book with the other. This he did till an evil day
when Aunty Rosa pounced upon him unawares
and told him that he was ‘acting a lie.’
‘If you’re old enough to do that,’ she said—her
temper was always worst after dinner—‘you’re
old enough to be beaten.’
‘But—I’m—I’m not an animal!’ said Punch
aghast. He remembered Uncle Harry and the
stick, and turned white. Aunty Rosa had hidden
a light cane behind her, and Punch was beaten
106then and there over the shoulders. It was a revelation
to him. The room-door was shut, and he was
left to weep himself into repentance and work out
his own gospel of life.
Aunty Rosa, he argued, had the power to beat
him with many stripes. It was unjust and cruel,
and Mamma and Papa would never have allowed
it. Unless perhaps, as Aunty Rosa seemed to
imply, they had sent secret orders. In which case
he was abandoned indeed. It would be discreet in
the future to propitiate Aunty Rosa, but, then,
again, even in matters in which he was innocent,
he had been accused of wishing to ‘show off.’ He
had ‘shown off’ before visitors when he had
attacked a strange gentleman—Harry’s uncle, not
his own—with requests for information about the
Griffin and the falchion, and the precise nature of
the Tilbury in which Frank Fairlegh rode—all
points of paramount interest which he was bursting
to understand. Clearly it would not do to pretend
to care for Aunty Rosa.
At this point Harry entered and stood afar off,
eyeing Punch, a dishevelled heap in the corner of
the room, with disgust.
‘You’re a liar—a young liar,’ said Harry, with
great unction, ‘and you’re to have tea down here
because you’re not fit to speak to us. And
you’re not to speak to Judy again till Mother
107gives you leave. You’ll corrupt her. You’re
only fit to associate with the servant. Mother
says so.’
Having reduced Punch to a second agony of
tears, Harry departed upstairs with the news that
Punch was still rebellious.
Uncle Harry sat uneasily in the dining-room.
‘Damn it all, Rosa,’ said he at last, ‘can’t you
leave the child alone? He’s a good enough little
chap when I meet him.’
‘He puts on his best manners with you, Henry,’
said Aunty Rosa, ‘but I’m afraid, I’m very much
afraid, that he is the Black Sheep of the family.’
Harry heard and stored up the name for future
use. Judy cried till she was bidden to stop, her
brother not being worth tears; and the evening
concluded with the return of Punch to the upper
regions and a private sitting at which all the blinding
horrors of Hell were revealed to Punch with
such store of imagery as Aunty Rosa’s narrow
mind possessed.
Most grievous of all was Judy’s round-eyed
reproach, and Punch went to bed in the depths of
the Valley of Humiliation. He shared his room
with Harry and knew the torture in store. For
an hour and a half he had to answer that young
gentleman’s questions as to his motives for telling
a lie, and a grievous lie, the precise quantity of
108punishment inflicted by Aunty Rosa, and had also
to profess his deep gratitude for such religious
instruction as Harry thought fit to impart.
From that day began the downfall of Punch,
now Black Sheep.
‘Untrustworthy in one thing, untrustworthy in
all,’ said Aunty Rosa, and Harry felt that Black
Sheep was delivered into his hands. He would
wake him up in the night to ask him why he was
such a liar.
‘I don’t know,’ Punch would reply.
‘Then don’t you think you ought to get up and
pray to God for a new heart?’
‘Y-yess.’
‘Get out and pray, then!’ And Punch would
get out of bed with raging hate in his heart against
all the world, seen and unseen. He was always
tumbling into trouble. Harry had a knack of
cross-examining him as to his day’s doings, which
seldom failed to lead him, sleepy and savage, into
half-a-dozen contradictions—all duly reported to
Aunty Rosa next morning.
‘But it wasn’t a lie,’ Punch would begin,
charging into a laboured explanation that landed
him more hopelessly in the mire. ‘I said that I
didn’t say my prayers twice over in the day, and
that was on Tuesday. Once I did. I know I did,
but Harry said I didn’t,’ and so forth, till the
109tension brought tears, and he was dismissed from
the table in disgrace.
‘You usen’t to be as bad as this,’ said Judy,
awe-stricken at the catalogue of Black Sheep’s
crimes. ‘Why are you so bad now?’
‘I don’t know,’ Black Sheep would reply. ‘I’m
not, if I only wasn’t bothered upside down. I
knew what I did, and I want to say so; but Harry
always makes it out different somehow, and Aunty
Rosa doesn’t believe a word I say. Oh, Ju! don’t
you say I’m bad too.’
‘Aunty Rosa says you are,’ said Judy. ‘She
told the Vicar so when he came yesterday.’
‘Why does she tell all the people outside the
house about me? It isn’t fair,’ said Black Sheep.
‘When I was in Bombay, and was bad—doing bad,
not made-up bad like this—Mamma told Papa, and
Papa told me he knew, and that was all. Outside
people didn’t know too—even Meeta didn’t
know.’
‘I don’t remember,’ said Judy wistfully. ‘I
was all little then. Mamma was just as fond of
you as she was of me, wasn’t she?’
‘’Course she was. So was Papa. So was
everybody.’
‘Aunty Rosa likes me more than she does you.
She says that you are a Trial and a Black Sheep,
and I’m not to speak to you more than I can help.’
110‘Always? Not outside of the times when you
mustn’t speak to me at all?’
Judy nodded her head mournfully. Black
Sheep turned away in despair, but Judy’s arms
were round his neck.
‘Never mind, Punch,’ she whispered. ‘I will
speak to you just the same as ever and ever.
You’re my own own brother though you are—though
Aunty Rosa says you’re bad, and Harry
says you are a little coward. He says that if I
pulled your hair hard, you’d cry.’
‘Pull, then,’ said Punch.
Judy pulled gingerly.
‘Pull harder—as hard as you can! There! I
don’t mind how much you pull it now. If you’ll
speak to me same as ever I’ll let you pull it as
much as you like—pull it out if you like. But I
know if Harry came and stood by and made you
do it I’d cry.’
So the two children sealed the compact with a
kiss, and Black Sheep’s heart was cheered within
him, and by extreme caution and careful avoidance
of Harry he acquired virtue, and was allowed to
read undisturbed for a week. Uncle Harry took
him for walks, and consoled him with rough tenderness,
never calling him Black Sheep. ‘It’s good for
you, I suppose, Punch,’ he used to say. ‘Let us
sit down. I’m getting tired.’ His steps led him
111now not to the beach, but to the Cemetery of
Rocklington, amid the potato-fields. For hours
the gray man would sit on a tombstone, while
Black Sheep would read epitaphs, and then with a
sigh would stump home again.
‘I shall lie there soon,’ said he to Black Sheep,
one winter evening, when his face showed white as
a worn silver coin under the light of the lych-gate.
‘You needn’t tell Aunty Rosa.’
A month later he turned sharp round, ere half
a morning walk was completed, and stumped back
to the house. ‘Put me to bed, Rosa,’ he muttered.
‘I’ve walked my last. The wadding has found me
out.’
They put him to bed, and for a fortnight the
shadow of his sickness lay upon the house, and
Black Sheep went to and fro unobserved. Papa
had sent him some new books, and he was told to
keep quiet. He retired into his own world, and
was perfectly happy. Even at night his felicity
was unbroken. He could lie in bed and string
himself tales of travel and adventure while Harry
was downstairs.
‘Uncle Harry’s going to die,’ said Judy, who
now lived almost entirely with Aunty Rosa.
‘I’m very sorry,’ said Black Sheep soberly. ‘He
told me that a long time ago.’
Aunty Rosa heard the conversation. ‘Will
112nothing check your wicked tongue?’ she said
angrily. There were blue circles round her eyes.
Black Sheep retreated to the nursery and read
Cometh up as a Flower with deep and uncomprehending
interest. He had been forbidden to open
it on account of its ‘sinfulness,’ but the bonds of
the Universe were crumbling, and Aunty Rosa was
in great grief.
‘I’m glad,’ said Black Sheep. ‘She’s unhappy
now. It wasn’t a lie, though. I knew. He told
me not to tell.’
That night Black Sheep woke with a start.
Harry was not in the room, and there was a sound
of sobbing on the next floor. Then the voice of
Uncle Harry, singing the song of the Battle of
Navarino, came through the darkness:—
‘Our vanship was the Asia—
The Albion and Genoa!’
‘He’s getting well,’ thought Black Sheep, who
knew the song through all its seventeen verses.
But the blood froze at his little heart as he thought.
The voice leapt an octave, and rang shrill as a
boatswain’s pipe:—
‘And next came on the lovely Rose,
The Philomel, her fire-ship, closed,
And the little Brisk was sore exposed
That day at Navarino.’
‘That day at Navarino, Uncle Harry!’ shouted
113Black Sheep, half wild with excitement and fear of
he knew not what.
A door opened, and Aunty Rosa screamed up
the staircase: ‘Hush! For God’s sake hush, you
little devil. Uncle Harry is dead!’
Journeys end in lovers’ meeting,
Every wise man’s son doth know.
‘I wonder what will happen to me now,’ thought
Black Sheep, when semi-pagan rites peculiar to
the burial of the Dead in middle-class houses
had been accomplished, and Aunty Rosa, awful
in black crape, had returned to this life. ‘I don’t
think I’ve done anything bad that she knows of.
I suppose I will soon. She will be very cross after
Uncle Harry’s dying, and Harry will be cross too.
I’ll keep in the nursery.’
Unfortunately for Punch’s plans, it was decided
that he should be sent to a day-school which Harry
attended. This meant a morning walk with Harry,
and perhaps an evening one; but the prospect of
freedom in the interval was refreshing. ‘Harry’ll
tell everything I do, but I won’t do anything,’ said
Black Sheep. Fortified with this virtuous resolution,
114he went to school only to find that Harry’s
version of his character had preceded him, and that
life was a burden in consequence. He took stock
of his associates. Some of them were unclean,
some of them talked in dialect, many dropped
their h’s, and there were two Jews and a negro,
or some one quite as dark, in the assembly.
‘That’s a hubshi,’ said Black Sheep to himself.
‘Even Meeta used to laugh at a hubshi. I don’t
think this is a proper place.’ He was indignant
for at least an hour, till he reflected that any
expostulation on his part would be by Aunty Rosa
construed into ‘showing off,’ and that Harry
would tell the boys.
‘How do you like school?’ said Aunty Rosa at
the end of the day.
‘I think it is a very nice place,’ said Punch
quietly.
‘I suppose you warned the boys of Black Sheep’s
character?’ said Aunty Rosa to Harry.
‘Oh yes,’ said the censor of Black Sheep’s morals.
‘They know all about him.’
‘If I was with my father,’ said Black Sheep,
stung to the quick, ‘I shouldn’t speak to those
boys. He wouldn’t let me. They live in shops.
I saw them go into shops—where their fathers live
and sell things.’
‘You’re too good for that school, are you?’
115said Aunty Rosa, with a bitter smile. ‘You ought
to be grateful, Black Sheep, that those boys speak
to you at all. It isn’t every school that takes little
liars.’
Harry did not fail to make much capital out
of Black Sheep’s ill-considered remark; with the
result that several boys, including the hubshi,
demonstrated to Black Sheep the eternal equality
of the human race by smacking his head, and
his consolation from Aunty Rosa was that it
‘served him right for being vain.’ He learned,
however, to keep his opinions to himself, and by
propitiating Harry in carrying books and the like
to get a little peace. His existence was not too
joyful. From nine till twelve he was at school,
and from two to four, except on Saturdays. In
the evenings he was sent down into the nursery
to prepare his lessons for the next day, and every
night came the dreaded cross-questionings at
Harry’s hand. Of Judy he saw but little. She
was deeply religious—at six years of age Religion
is easy to come by—and sorely divided between
her natural love for Black Sheep and her love for
Aunty Rosa, who could do no wrong.
The lean woman returned that love with
interest, and Judy, when she dared, took advantage
of this for the remission of Black Sheep’s
penalties. Failures in lessons at school were
116punished at home by a week without reading other
than school-books, and Harry brought the news
of such a failure with glee. Further, Black Sheep
was then bound to repeat his lessons at bedtime to
Harry, who generally succeeded in making him
break down, and consoled him by gloomiest forebodings
for the morrow. Harry was at once
spy, practical joker, inquisitor, and Aunty Rosa’s
deputy executioner. He filled his many posts to
admiration. From his actions, now that Uncle
Harry was dead, there was no appeal. Black
Sheep had not been permitted to keep any self-respect
at school: at home he was, of course, utterly
discredited, and grateful for any pity that the
servant girls—they changed frequently at Downe
Lodge because they, too, were liars—might show.
‘You’re just fit to row in the same boat with Black
Sheep,’ was a sentiment that each new Jane or
Eliza might expect to hear, before a month was
over, from Aunty Rosa’s lips; and Black Sheep
was used to ask new girls whether they had yet
been compared to him. Harry was ‘Master
Harry’ in their mouths; Judy was officially ‘Miss
Judy’; but Black Sheep was never anything more
than Black Sheep tout court.
As time went on and the memory of Papa and
Mamma became wholly overlaid by the unpleasant
task of writing them letters, under Aunty Rosa’s
117eye, each Sunday, Black Sheep forgot what manner
of life he had led in the beginning of things.
Even Judy’s appeals to ‘try and remember about
Bombay’ failed to quicken him.
‘I can’t remember,’ he said. ‘I know I used to
give orders and Mamma kissed me.’
‘Aunty Rosa will kiss you if you are good,’
pleaded Judy.
‘Ugh! I don’t want to be kissed by Aunty
Rosa. She’d say I was doing it to get something
more to eat.’
The weeks lengthened into months, and the
holidays came; but just before the holidays Black
Sheep fell into deadly sin.
Among the many boys whom Harry had incited
to ‘punch Black Sheep’s head because he daren’t
hit back,’ was one more aggravating than the rest,
who, in an unlucky moment, fell upon Black Sheep
when Harry was not near. The blows stung, and
Black Sheep struck back at random with all the
power at his command. The boy dropped and
whimpered. Black Sheep was astounded at his
own act, but, feeling the unresisting body under
him, shook it with both his hands in blind fury
and then began to throttle his enemy; meaning
honestly to slay him. There was a scuffle, and
Black Sheep was torn off the body by Harry and
some colleagues, and cuffed home tingling but
118exultant. Aunty Rosa was out: pending her
arrival, Harry set himself to lecture Black Sheep
on the sin of murder—which he described as the
offence of Cain.
‘Why didn’t you fight him fair? What did
you hit him when he was down for, you little
cur?’
Black Sheep looked up at Harry’s throat and
then at a knife on the dinner-table.
‘I don’t understand,’ he said wearily. ‘You
always set him on me and told me I was a coward
when I blubbed. Will you leave me alone until
Aunty Rosa comes in? She’ll beat me if you tell
her I ought to be beaten; so it’s all right.’
‘It’s all wrong,’ said Harry magisterially.
‘You nearly killed him, and I shouldn’t wonder
if he dies.’
‘Will he die?’ said Black Sheep.
‘I daresay,’ said Harry, ‘and then you’ll be
hanged, and go to Hell.’
‘All right,’ said Black Sheep, picking up the
table-knife. ‘Then I’ll kill you now. You say
things and do things and—and I don’t know how
things happen, and you never leave me alone—and
I don’t care what happens!’
He ran at the boy with the knife, and Harry
fled upstairs to his room, promising Black Sheep
the finest thrashing in the world when Aunty
119Rosa returned. Black Sheep sat at the bottom of
the stairs, the table-knife in his hand, and wept
for that he had not killed Harry. The servant-girl
came up from the kitchen, took the knife
away, and consoled him. But Black Sheep was
beyond consolation. He would be badly beaten
by Aunty Rosa; then there would be another
beating at Harry’s hands; then Judy would not
be allowed to speak to him; then the tale would
be told at school, and then—
There was no one to help and no one to care,
and the best way out of the business was by death.
A knife would hurt, but Aunty Rosa had told
him, a year ago, that if he sucked paint he would
die. He went into the nursery, unearthed the
now disused Noah’s Ark, and sucked the paint
off as many animals as remained. It tasted
abominable, but he had licked Noah’s Dove clean
by the time Aunty Rosa and Judy returned. He
went upstairs and greeted them with: ‘Please,
Aunty Rosa, I believe I’ve nearly killed a boy at
school, and I’ve tried to kill Harry, and when
you’ve done all about God and Hell, will you beat
me and get it over?’
The tale of the assault as told by Harry could
only be explained on the ground of possession by
the Devil. Wherefore Black Sheep was not only
most excellently beaten, once by Aunty Rosa and
120once, when thoroughly cowed down, by Harry,
but he was further prayed for at family prayers,
together with Jane who had stolen a cold rissole
from the pantry, and snuffled audibly as her sin
was brought before the Throne of Grace. Black
Sheep was sore and stiff but triumphant. He
would die that very night and be rid of them all.
No, he would ask for no forgiveness from Harry,
and at bedtime would stand no questioning at
Harry’s hands, even though addressed as ‘Young
Cain.’
‘I’ve been beaten,’ said he, ‘and I’ve done other
things. I don’t care what I do. If you speak to
me to-night, Harry, I’ll get out and try to kill you.
Now you can kill me if you like.’
Harry took his bed into the spare room, and
Black Sheep lay down to die.
It may be that the makers of Noah’s Arks
know that their animals are likely to find their way
into young mouths, and paint them accordingly.
Certain it is that the common, weary next morning
broke through the windows and found Black Sheep
quite well and a good deal ashamed of himself,
but richer by the knowledge that he could, in
extremity, secure himself against Harry for the
future.
When he descended to breakfast on the first
day of the holidays, he was greeted with the news
121that Harry, Aunty Rosa, and Judy were going
away to Brighton, while Black Sheep was to stay
in the house with the servant. His latest outbreak
suited Aunty Rosa’s plans admirably. It gave her
good excuse for leaving the extra boy behind.
Papa in Bombay, who really seemed to know a
young sinner’s wants to the hour, sent, that week,
a package of new books. And with these, and the
society of Jane on board-wages, Black Sheep was
left alone for a month.
The books lasted for ten days. They were
eaten too quickly in long gulps of twelve hours at
a time. Then came days of doing absolutely nothing,
of dreaming dreams and marching imaginary
armies up and downstairs, of counting the number
of banisters, and of measuring the length and
breadth of every room in handspans—fifty down
the side, thirty across, and fifty back again. Jane
made many friends, and, after receiving Black
Sheep’s assurance that he would not tell of her
absences, went out daily for long hours. Black
Sheep would follow the rays of the sinking sun
from the kitchen to the dining-room and thence
upward to his own bedroom until all was gray
dark, and he ran down to the kitchen fire and
read by its light. He was happy in that he was left
alone and could read as much as he pleased. But,
later, he grew afraid of the shadows of window-curtains
122and the flapping of doors and the creaking
of shutters. He went out into the garden, and
the rustling of the laurel-bushes frightened him.
He was glad when they all returned—Aunty
Rosa, Harry, and Judy—full of news, and Judy
laden with gifts. Who could help loving loyal
little Judy? In return for all her merry babblement,
Black Sheep confided to her that the distance
from the hall-door to the top of the first landing
was exactly one hundred and eighty-four handspans.
He had found it out himself.
Then the old life recommenced; but with a
difference, and a new sin. To his other iniquities
Black Sheep had now added a phenomenal clumsiness—was
as unfit to trust in action as he was in
word. He himself could not account for spilling
everything he touched, upsetting glasses as he put
his hand out, and bumping his head against doors
that were manifestly shut. There was a gray haze
upon all his world, and it narrowed month by
month, until at last it left Black Sheep almost alone
with the flapping curtains that were so like ghosts,
and the nameless terrors of broad daylight that
were only coats on pegs after all.
Holidays came and holidays went, and Black
Sheep was taken to see many people whose faces
were all exactly alike; was beaten when occasion
demanded, and tortured by Harry on all possible
123occasions; but defended by Judy through good
and evil report, though she hereby drew upon
herself the wrath of Aunty Rosa.
The weeks were interminable, and Papa and
Mamma were clean forgotten. Harry had left
school and was a clerk in a Banking-Office. Freed
from his presence, Black Sheep resolved that he
should no longer be deprived of his allowance of
pleasure-reading. Consequently when he failed at
school he reported that all was well, and conceived
a large contempt for Aunty Rosa as he saw how
easy it was to deceive her. ‘She says I’m a little
liar when I don’t tell lies, and now I do, she doesn’t
know,’ thought Black Sheep. Aunty Rosa had
credited him in the past with petty cunning and
stratagem that had never entered into his head.
By the light of the sordid knowledge that she had
revealed to him he paid her back full tale. In a
household where the most innocent of his motives,
his natural yearning for a little affection, had been
interpreted into a desire for more bread and jam,
or to ingratiate himself with strangers and so put
Harry into the background, his work was easy.
Aunty Rosa could penetrate certain kinds of hypocrisy,
but not all. He set his child’s wits against
hers and was no more beaten. It grew monthly
more and more of a trouble to read the school-books,
and even the pages of the open-print storybooks
124danced and were dim. So Black Sheep
brooded in the shadows that fell about him and
cut him off from the world, inventing horrible
punishments for ‘dear Harry,’ or plotting another
line of the tangled web of deception that he
wrapped round Aunty Rosa.
Then the crash came and the cobwebs were
broken. It was impossible to foresee everything.
Aunty Rosa made personal inquiries as to Black
Sheep’s progress and received information that
startled her. Step by step, with a delight as keen
as when she convicted an underfed housemaid of
the theft of cold meats, she followed the trail of
Black Sheep’s delinquencies. For weeks and weeks,
in order to escape banishment from the bookshelves,
he had made a fool of Aunty Rosa, of
Harry, of God, of all the world! Horrible, most
horrible, and evidence of an utterly depraved
mind.
Black Sheep counted the cost. ‘It will only be
one big beating and then she’ll put a card with
“Liar” on my back, same as she did before.
Harry will whack me and pray for me, and she
will pray for me at prayers and tell me I’m a Child
of the Devil and give me hymns to learn. But
I’ve done all my reading and she never knew.
She’ll say she knew all along. She’s an old liar
too,’ said he.
125For three days Black Sheep was shut in his
own bedroom—to prepare his heart. ‘That
means two beatings. One at school and one here.
That one will hurt most.’ And it fell even as
he thought. He was thrashed at school before
the Jews and the hubshi for the heinous crime
of carrying home false reports of progress. He
was thrashed at home by Aunty Rosa on the
same count, and then the placard was produced.
Aunty Rosa stitched it between his shoulders and
bade him go for a walk with it upon him.
‘If you make me do that,’ said Black Sheep
very quietly, ‘I shall burn this house down, and
perhaps I’ll kill you. I don’t know whether I can
kill you—you’re so bony—but I’ll try.’
No punishment followed this blasphemy, though
Black Sheep held himself ready to work his way to
Aunty Rosa’s withered throat, and grip there till
he was beaten off. Perhaps Aunty Rosa was
afraid, for Black Sheep, having reached the Nadir
of Sin, bore himself with a new recklessness.
In the midst of all the trouble there came a
visitor from over the seas to Downe Lodge, who
knew Papa and Mamma, and was commissioned to
see Punch and Judy. Black Sheep was sent to the
drawing-room and charged into a solid tea-table
laden with china.
‘Gently, gently, little man,’ said the visitor,
126turning Black Sheep’s face to the light slowly.
‘What’s that big bird on the palings?’
‘What bird?’ asked Black Sheep.
The visitor looked deep down into Black
Sheep’s eyes for half a minute, and then said suddenly:
‘Good God, the little chap’s nearly blind!’
It was a most business-like visitor. He gave
orders, on his own responsibility, that Black Sheep
was not to go to school or open a book until
Mamma came home. ‘She’ll be here in three
weeks, as you know of course,’ said he, ‘and I’m
Inverarity Sahib. I ushered you into this wicked
world, young man, and a nice use you seem to
have made of your time. You must do nothing
whatever. Can you do that?’
‘Yes,’ said Punch in a dazed way. He had
known that Mamma was coming. There was a
chance, then, of another beating. Thank Heaven,
Papa wasn’t coming too. Aunty Rosa had said of
late that he ought to be beaten by a man.
For the next three weeks Black Sheep was
strictly allowed to do nothing. He spent his time
in the old nursery looking at the broken toys, for
all of which account must be rendered to Mamma.
Aunty Rosa hit him over the hands if even a
wooden boat were broken. But that sin was of
small importance compared to the other revelations,
so darkly hinted at by Aunty Rosa. ‘When
127your Mother comes, and hears what I have to tell
her, she may appreciate you properly,’ she said
grimly, and mounted guard over Judy lest that
small maiden should attempt to comfort her
brother, to the peril of her soul.
And Mamma came—in a four-wheeler—fluttered
with tender excitement. Such a Mamma! She
was young, frivolously young, and beautiful, with
delicately-flushed cheeks, eyes that shone like stars,
and a voice that needed no appeal of outstretched
arms to draw little ones to her heart. Judy ran
straight to her, but Black Sheep hesitated. Could
this wonder be ‘showing off’? She would not
put out her arms when she knew of his crimes.
Meantime was it possible that by fondling she
wanted to get anything out of Black Sheep?
Only all his love and all his confidence; but that
Black Sheep did not know. Aunty Rosa withdrew
and left Mamma, kneeling between her children,
half laughing, half crying, in the very hall where
Punch and Judy had wept five years before.
‘Well, chicks, do you remember me?’
‘No,’ said Judy frankly, ‘but I said, “God bless
Papa and Mamma” ev’vy night.’
‘A little,’ said Black Sheep. ‘Remember I
wrote to you every week, anyhow. That isn’t
to show off, but ’cause of what comes afterwards.’
128‘What comes after? What should come after,
my darling boy?’ And she drew him to her
again. He came awkwardly, with many angles.
‘Not used to petting,’ said the quick Mother-soul.
‘The girl is.’
‘She’s too little to hurt any one,’ thought Black
Sheep, ‘and if I said I’d kill her, she’d be afraid.
I wonder what Aunty Rosa will tell.’
There was a constrained late dinner, at the end
of which Mamma picked up Judy and put her to
bed with endearments manifold. Faithless little
Judy had shown her defection from Aunty Rosa
already. And that lady resented it bitterly. Black
Sheep rose to leave the room.
‘Come and say good-night,’ said Aunty Rosa,
offering a withered cheek.
‘Huh!’ said Black Sheep. ‘I never kiss you,
and I’m not going to show off. Tell that woman
what I’ve done, and see what she says.’
Black Sheep climbed into bed feeling that he
had lost Heaven after a glimpse through the gates.
In half an hour ‘that woman’ was bending over
him. Black Sheep flung up his right arm. It
wasn’t fair to come and hit him in the dark.
Even Aunty Rosa never tried that. But no blow
followed.
‘Are you showing off? I won’t tell you anything
more than Aunty Rosa has, and she doesn’t
129know everything,’ said Black Sheep as clearly as he
could for the arms round his neck.
‘Oh, my son—my little, little son! It was my
fault—my fault, darling—and yet how could we
help it? Forgive me, Punch.’ The voice died
out in a broken whisper, and two hot tears fell on
Black Sheep’s forehead.
‘Has she been making you cry too?’ he asked.
‘You should see Jane cry. But you’re nice, and
Jane is a Born Liar—Aunty Rosa says so.’
‘Hush, Punch, hush! My boy, don’t talk like
that. Try to love me a little bit—a little bit.
You don’t know how I want it. Punch-baba,
come back to me! I am your Mother—your own
Mother—and never mind the rest. I know—yes,
I know, dear. It doesn’t matter now. Punch,
won’t you care for me a little?’
It is astonishing how much petting a big boy of
ten can endure when he is quite sure that there is
no one to laugh at him. Black Sheep had never
been made much of before, and here was this
beautiful woman treating him—Black Sheep, the
Child of the Devil and the inheritor of undying
flame—as though he were a small God.
‘I care for you a great deal, Mother dear,’
he whispered at last, ‘and I’m glad you’ve come
back; but are you sure Aunty Rosa told you
everything?’
130‘Everything. What does it matter? But——’
the voice broke with a sob that was also laughter—‘Punch,
my poor, dear, half-blind darling, don’t
you think it was a little foolish of you?’
‘No. It saved a lickin’.’
Mamma shuddered and slipped away in the
darkness to write a long letter to Papa. Here is
an extract:—
... Judy is a dear, plump little prig who adores the
woman, and wears with as much gravity as her religious
opinions—only eight, Jack!—a venerable horsehair atrocity
which she calls her Bustle! I have just burnt it, and the
child is asleep in my bed as I write. She will come to me
at once. Punch I cannot quite understand. He is well
nourished, but seems to have been worried into a system of
small deceptions which the woman magnifies into deadly sins.
Don’t you recollect our own upbringing, dear, when the Fear
of the Lord was so often the beginning of falsehood? I shall
win Punch to me before long. I am taking the children
away into the country to get them to know me, and, on the
whole, I am content, or shall be when you come home, dear
boy, and then, thank God, we shall be all under one roof
again at last!
Three months later, Punch, no longer Black
Sheep, has discovered that he is the veritable owner
of a real, live, lovely Mamma, who is also a sister,
comforter, and friend, and that he must protect
her till the Father comes home. Deception does
not suit the part of a protector, and, when one
131can do anything without question, where is the
use of deception?
‘Mother would be awfully cross if you walked
through that ditch,’ says Judy, continuing a conversation.
‘Mother’s never angry,’ says Punch. ‘She’d
just say, “You’re a little pagal”; and that’s not
nice, but I’ll show.’
Punch walks through the ditch and mires himself
to the knees. ‘Mother, dear,’ he shouts, ‘I’m
just as dirty as I can pos-sib-ly be!’
‘Then change your clothes as quickly as you
pos-sib-ly can!’ Mother’s clear voice rings out
from the house. ‘And don’t be a little pagal!’
‘There! ’Told you so,’ says Punch. ‘It’s all
different now, and we are just as much Mother’s
as if she had never gone.’
Not altogether, O Punch, for when young lips
have drunk deep of the bitter waters of Hate,
Suspicion, and Despair, all the Love in the world
will not wholly take away that knowledge; though
it may turn darkened eyes for a while to the light,
and teach Faith where no Faith was.
132
Where the word of a King is, there is power: And who may say unto him—What doest thou?
‘Yeth! And Chimo to sleep at ve foot
of ve bed, and ve pink pikky-book, and
ve bwead—’cause I will be hungwy in ve
night—and vat’s all, Miss Biddums. And now
give me one kiss and I’ll go to sleep.—So! Kite
quiet. Ow! Ve pink pikky-book has slidded
under ve pillow and ve bwead is cwumbling!
Miss Biddums! Miss Bid-dums! I’m so uncomfy!
Come and tuck me up, Miss Biddums.’
His Majesty the King was going to bed; and
poor, patient Miss Biddums, who had advertised
herself humbly as a ‘young person, European,
accustomed to the care of little children,’ was
forced to wait upon his royal caprices. The going
to bed was always a lengthy process, because His
Majesty had a convenient knack of forgetting
which of his many friends, from the mehter’s son
133to the Commissioner’s daughter, he had prayed
for, and, lest the Deity should take offence, was
used to toil through his little prayers, in all
reverence, five times in one evening. His Majesty
the King believed in the efficacy of prayer as devoutly
as he believed in Chimo the patient spaniel,
or Miss Biddums, who could reach him down his
gun—‘with cursuffun caps—reel ones’—from the
upper shelves of the big nursery cupboard.
At the door of the nursery his authority
stopped. Beyond lay the empire of his father and
mother—two very terrible people who had no time
to waste upon His Majesty the King. His voice
was lowered when he passed the frontier of his
own dominions, his actions were fettered, and his
soul was filled with awe because of the grim man
who lived among a wilderness of pigeon-holes and
the most fascinating pieces of red tape, and the
wonderful woman who was always getting into or
stepping out of the big carriage.
To the one belonged the mysteries of the
‘duftar-room,’ to the other the great, reflected
wilderness of the ‘Memsahib’s room,’ where the
shiny, scented dresses hung on pegs, miles and
miles up in the air, and the just-seen plateau of
the toilet-table revealed an acreage of speckly
combs, broidered ‘hanafitch-bags,’ and ‘white-headed’
brushes.
134There was no room for His Majesty the King
either in official reserve or worldly gorgeousness.
He had discovered that, ages and ages ago—before
even Chimo came to the house, or Miss
Biddums had ceased grizzling over a packet of
greasy letters which appeared to be her chief treasure
on earth. His Majesty the King, therefore, wisely
confined himself to his own territories, where only
Miss Biddums, and she feebly, disputed his sway.
From Miss Biddums he had picked up his simple
theology and welded it to the legends of gods and
devils that he had learned in the servants’ quarters.
To Miss Biddums he confided with equal trust
his tattered garments and his more serious griefs.
She would make everything whole. She knew
exactly how the Earth had been born, and had
reassured the trembling soul of His Majesty the
King that terrible time in July when it rained continuously
for seven days and seven nights, and—there
was no Ark ready and all the ravens had
flown away! She was the most powerful person
with whom he was brought into contact—always
excepting the two remote and silent people beyond
the nursery door.
How was His Majesty the King to know that,
six years ago, in the summer of his birth, Mrs.
Austell, turning over her husband’s papers, had
come upon the intemperate letter of a foolish woman
135who had been carried away by the silent man’s
strength and personal beauty? How could he tell
what evil the overlooked slip of notepaper had
wrought in the mind of a desperately jealous wife?
How could he, despite his wisdom, guess that his
mother had chosen to make of it excuse for a bar
and a division between herself and her husband,
that strengthened and grew harder to break with
each year; that she, having unearthed this skeleton
in the cupboard, had trained it into a household
God which should be about their path and about
their bed, and poison all their ways?
These things were beyond the province of His
Majesty the King. He only knew that his father
was daily absorbed in some mysterious work for a
thing called the Sirkar, and that his mother was the
victim alternately of the Nautch and the Burrakhana.
To these entertainments she was escorted
by a Captain-Man for whom His Majesty the King
had no regard.
‘He doesn’t laugh,’ he argued with Miss Biddums,
who would fain have taught him charity.
‘He only makes faces wiv his mouf, and when he
wants to o-muse me I am not o-mused.’ And His
Majesty the King shook his head as one who knew
the deceitfulness of this world.
Morning and evening it was his duty to salute
his father and mother—the former with a grave
136shake of the hand, and the latter with an equally
grave kiss. Once, indeed, he had put his arms
round his mother’s neck, in the fashion he used
towards Miss Biddums. The openwork of his
sleeve-edge caught in an earring, and the last stage
of His Majesty’s little overture was a suppressed
scream and summary dismissal to the nursery.
‘It is w’ong,’ thought His Majesty the King, ‘to
hug Memsahibs wiv fings in veir ears. I will
amember.’ He never repeated the experiment.
Miss Biddums, it must be confessed, spoilt him
as much as his nature admitted, in some sort of
recompense for what she called ‘the hard ways of
his Papa and Mamma.’ She, like her charge, knew
nothing of the trouble between man and wife—the
savage contempt for a woman’s stupidity on the
one side, or the dull, rankling anger on the other.
Miss Biddums had looked after many little children
in her time, and served in many establishments.
Being a discreet woman, she observed little and
said less, and, when her pupils went over the sea
to the Great Unknown, which she, with touching
confidence in her hearers, called ‘Home,’ packed
up her slender belongings and sought for employment
afresh, lavishing all her love on each successive
batch of ingrates. Only His Majesty the King
had repaid her affection with interest; and in his
uncomprehending ears she had told the tale of
137nearly all her hopes, her aspirations, the hopes that
were dead, and the dazzling glories of her ancestral
home in ‘Calcutta, close to Wellington Square.’
Everything above the average was in the eyes
of His Majesty the King ‘Calcutta good.’ When
Miss Biddums had crossed his royal will, he reversed
the epithet to vex that estimable lady, and
all things evil were, until the tears of repentance
swept away spite, ‘Calcutta bad.’
Now and again Miss Biddums begged for him
the rare pleasure of a day in the society of the
Commissioner’s child—the wilful four-year-old
Patsie, who, to the intense amazement of His
Majesty the King, was idolised by her parents.
On thinking the question out at length, by roads
unknown to those who have left childhood behind,
he came to the conclusion that Patsie was petted
because she wore a big blue sash and yellow hair.
This precious discovery he kept to himself.
The yellow hair was absolutely beyond his power,
his own tousled wig being potato-brown; but
something might be done towards the blue sash.
He tied a large knot in his mosquito-curtains in
order to remember to consult Patsie on their next
meeting. She was the only child he had ever
spoken to, and almost the only one that he had
ever seen. The little memory and the very large
and ragged knot held good.
138‘Patsie, lend me your blue wiband,’ said His
Majesty the King.
‘You’ll bewy it,’ said Patsie doubtfully, mindful
of certain atrocities committed on her doll.
‘No, I won’t—twoofanhonour. It’s for me to
wear.’
‘Pooh!’ said Patsie. ‘Boys don’t wear sa-ashes.
Zey’s only for dirls.’
‘I didn’t know.’ The face of His Majesty the
King fell.
‘Who wants ribands? Are you playing horses,
chickabiddies?’ said the Commissioner’s wife,
stepping into the veranda.
‘Toby wanted my sash,’ explained Patsie.
‘I don’t now,’ said His Majesty the King
hastily, feeling that with one of these terrible
‘grown-ups’ his poor little secret would be shamelessly
wrenched from him, and perhaps—most
burning desecration of all—laughed at.
‘I’ll give you a cracker-cap,’ said the Commissioner’s
wife. ‘Come along with me, Toby, and
we’ll choose it.’
The cracker-cap was a stiff, three-pointed
vermilion-and-tinsel splendour. His Majesty the
King fitted it on his royal brow. The Commissioner’s
wife had a face that children instinctively
trusted, and her action, as she adjusted the toppling
middle spike, was tender.
139‘Will it do as well?’ stammered His Majesty
the King.
‘As what, little one?’
‘As ve wiban?’
‘Oh, quite. Go and look at yourself in the
glass.’
The words were spoken in all sincerity, and to
help forward any absurd ‘dressing-up’ amusement
that the children might take into their minds. But
the young savage has a keen sense of the ludicrous.
His Majesty the King swung the great cheval-glass
down, and saw his head crowned with the staring
horror of a fool’s cap—a thing which his father
would rend to pieces if it ever came into his office.
He plucked it off, and burst into tears.
‘Toby,’ said the Commissioner’s wife gravely,
‘you shouldn’t give way to temper. I am very
sorry to see it. It’s wrong.’
His Majesty the King sobbed inconsolably, and
the heart of Patsie’s mother was touched. She
drew the child on to her knee. Clearly it was not
temper alone.
‘What is it, Toby? Won’t you tell me?
Aren’t you well?’
The torrent of sobs and speech met, and fought
for a time, with chokings and gulpings and gasps.
Then, in a sudden rush, His Majesty the King was
delivered of a few inarticulate sounds, followed
140by the words—‘Go a—way you—dirty—little
debbil!’
‘Toby! What do you mean?’
‘It’s what he’d say. I know it is! He said vat
when vere was only a little, little eggy mess, on my
t-t-unic; and he’d say it again, and laugh, if I went
in wif vat on my head.’
‘Who would say that?’
‘M-m-my Papa! And I fought if I had ve
blue wiban, he’d let me play in ve waste-paper
basket under ve table.’
‘What blue riband, childie?’
‘Ve same vat Patsie had—ve big blue wiban
w-w-wound my t-t-tummy!’
‘What is it, Toby? There’s something on
your mind. Tell me all about it, and perhaps I
can help.’
‘Isn’t anyfing,’ sniffed His Majesty, mindful of
his manhood, and raising his head from the motherly
bosom upon which it was resting. ‘I only fought
vat you—you petted Patsie ’cause she had ve blue
wiban, and—and if I’d had ve blue wiban too,
m-my Papa w-would pet me.’
The secret was out, and His Majesty the King
sobbed bitterly in spite of the arms around him
and the murmur of comfort on his heated little
forehead.
Enter Patsie tumultuously, embarrassed by
141several lengths of the Commissioner’s pet mahseer-rod.
‘Tum along, Toby! Zere’s a chu-chu
lizard in ze chick, and I’ve told Chimo to watch
him till we tum. If we poke him wiz zis his tail
will go wiggle-wiggle and fall off. Tum along!
I can’t weach.’
‘I’m comin’,’ said His Majesty the King, climbing
down from the Commissioner’s wife’s knee
after a hasty kiss.
Two minutes later, the chu-chu lizard’s tail was
wriggling on the matting of the veranda, and the
children were gravely poking it with splinters from
the chick, to urge its exhausted vitality into ‘just
one wiggle more, ’cause it doesn’t hurt chu-chu.’
The Commissioner’s wife stood in the doorway
and watched—‘Poor little mite! A blue sash——and
my own precious Patsie! I wonder if the best
of us, or we who love them best, ever understood
what goes on in their topsy-turvey little
heads.’
She went indoors to devise a tea for His Majesty
the King.
‘Their souls aren’t in their tummies at that age
in this climate,’ said the Commissioner’s wife, ‘but
they are not far off. I wonder if I could make
Mrs. Austell understand. Poor little fellow!’
With simple craft, the Commissioner’s wife
called on Mrs. Austell and spoke long and lovingly
142about children; inquiring specially for His Majesty
the King.
‘He’s with his governess,’ said Mrs. Austell,
and the tone showed that she was not interested.
The Commissioner’s wife, unskilled in the art of
war, continued her questionings. ‘I don’t know,’
said Mrs. Austell. ‘These things are left to Miss
Biddums, and, of course, she does not ill-treat the
child.’
The Commissioner’s wife left hastily. The last
sentence jarred upon her nerves. ‘Doesn’t ill-treat
the child! As if that were all! I wonder what
Tom would say if I only “didn’t ill-treat”
Patsie!’
Thenceforward, His Majesty the King was an
honoured guest at the Commissioner’s house, and
the chosen friend of Patsie, with whom he blundered
into as many scrapes as the compound and the
servants’ quarters afforded. Patsie’s Mamma was
always ready to give counsel, help, and sympathy,
and, if need were and callers few, to enter into their
games with an abandon that would have shocked
the sleek-haired subalterns who squirmed painfully
in their chairs when they came to call on her whom
they profanely nicknamed ‘Mother Bunch.’
Yet, in spite of Patsie and Patsie’s Mamma, and
the love that these two lavished upon him, His
Majesty the King fell grievously from grace, and
143committed no less a sin than that of theft—unknown,
it is true, but burdensome.
There came a man to the door one day, when
His Majesty was playing in the hall and the bearer
had gone to dinner, with a packet for His Majesty’s
Mamma. And he put it upon the hall-table, and
said that there was no answer, and departed.
Presently, the pattern of the dado ceased to
interest His Majesty, while the packet, a white,
neatly-wrapped one of fascinating shape, interested
him very much indeed. His Mamma was out, so
was Miss Biddums, and there was pink string round
the packet. He greatly desired pink string. It
would help him in many of his little businesses—the
haulage across the floor of his small cane-chair,
the torturing of Chimo, who could never understand
harness—and so forth. If he took the string
it would be his own, and nobody would be any the
wiser. He certainly could not pluck up sufficient
courage to ask Mamma for it. Wherefore, mounting
upon a chair, he carefully untied the string and,
behold, the stiff white paper spread out in four
directions, and revealed a beautiful little leather
box with gold lines upon it! He tried to replace
the string, but that was a failure. So he opened
the box to get full satisfaction for his iniquity, and
saw a most beautiful Star that shone and winked,
and was altogether lovely and desirable.
144‘Vat,’ said His Majesty meditatively, ‘is a
’parkle cwown, like what I will wear when I go to
heaven. I will wear it on my head—Miss Biddums
says so. I would like to wear it now. I would
like to play wiv it. I will take it away and play
wiv it, very careful, until Mamma asks for it. I
fink it was bought for me to play wiv—same as
my cart.’
His Majesty the King was arguing against his
conscience, and he knew it, for he thought immediately
after: ‘Never mind, I will keep it to play wiv
until Mamma says where is it, and then I will say—“I
tookt it and I am sorry.” I will not hurt it
because it is a ’parkle cwown. But Miss Biddums
will tell me to put it back. I will not show it to
Miss Biddums.’
If Mamma had come in at that moment all
would have gone well. She did not, and His
Majesty the King stuffed paper, case, and jewel
into the breast of his blouse and marched to the
nursery.
‘When Mamma asks I will tell,’ was the salve
that he laid upon his conscience. But Mamma
never asked, and for three whole days His Majesty
the King gloated over his treasure. It was of
no earthly use to him, but it was splendid, and,
for aught he knew, something dropped from
the heavens themselves. Still Mamma made no
145inquiries, and it seemed to him, in his furtive
peeps, as though the shiny stones grew dim.
What was the use of a ’parkle cwown if it made
a little boy feel all bad in his inside? He had
the pink string as well as the other treasure, but
greatly he wished that he had not gone beyond
the string. It was his first experience of iniquity,
and it pained him after the flush of possession
and secret delight in the ‘’parkle cwown’ had
died away.
Each day that he delayed rendered confession
to the people beyond the nursery doors more
impossible. Now and again he determined to put
himself in the path of the beautifully-attired lady
as she was going out, and explain that he and no
one else was the possessor of a ‘’parkle cwown,’
most beautiful and quite uninquired for. But she
passed hurriedly to her carriage, and the opportunity
was gone before His Majesty the King could draw
the deep breath which clinches noble resolve. The
dread secret cut him off from Miss Biddums, Patsie,
and the Commissioner’s wife, and—doubly hard
fate—when he brooded over it Patsie said, and
told her mother, that he was cross.
The days were very long to His Majesty the
King, and the nights longer still. Miss Biddums
had informed him, more than once, what was the
ultimate destiny of ‘fieves,’ and when he passed
146the interminable mud flanks of the Central Jail, he
shook in his little strapped shoes.
But release came after an afternoon spent in
playing boats by the edge of the tank at the bottom
of the garden. His Majesty the King went to tea,
and, for the first time in his memory, the meal
revolted him. His nose was very cold, and his
cheeks were burning hot. There was a weight
about his feet, and he pressed his head several
times to make sure that it was not swelling as
he sat.
‘I feel vevy funny,’ said His Majesty the King,
rubbing his nose. ‘Vere’s a buzz-buzz in my
head.’
He went to bed quietly. Miss Biddums was
out and the bearer undressed him.
The sin of the ‘’parkle cwown’ was forgotten in
the acuteness of the discomfort to which he roused
after a leaden sleep of some hours. He was thirsty,
and the bearer had forgotten to leave the drinking-water.
‘Miss Biddums! Miss Biddums! I’m so
kirsty!’
No answer. Miss Biddums had leave to attend
the wedding of a Calcutta schoolmate. His Majesty
the King had forgotten that.
‘I want a dwink of water,’ he cried, but his voice
was dried up in his throat. ‘I want a dwink!
Vere is ve glass?’
147He sat up in bed and looked round. There was
a murmur of voices from the other side of the
nursery door. It was better to face the terrible
unknown than to choke in the dark. He slipped
out of bed, but his feet were strangely wilful, and
he reeled once or twice. Then he pushed the door
open and staggered—a puffed and purple-faced little
figure—into the brilliant light of the dining-room
full of pretty ladies.
‘I’m vevy hot! I’m vevy uncomfitivle,’ moaned
His Majesty the King, clinging to the portière, ‘and
vere’s no water in ve glass, and I’m so kirsty. Give
me a dwink of water.’
An apparition in black and white—His Majesty
the King could hardly see distinctly—lifted him up
to the level of the table, and felt his wrists and forehead.
The water came, and he drank deeply, his
teeth chattering against the edge of the tumbler.
Then every one seemed to go away—every one
except the huge man in black and white, who
carried him back to his bed; the mother and father
following. And the sin of the ‘’parkle cwown’
rushed back and took possession of the terrified
soul.
‘I’m a fief!’ he gasped. ‘I want to tell Miss
Biddums vat I’m a fief. Vere is Miss Biddums?’
Miss Biddums had come and was bending over
him. ‘I’m a fief,’ he whispered. ‘A fief—like ve
148men in ve pwison. But I’ll tell now. I tookt—I
tookt ve ’parkle cwown when ve man that came left
it in ve hall. I bwoke ve paper and ve little bwown
box, and it looked shiny, and I tookt it to play wif,
and I was afwaid. It’s in ve dooly-box at ve
bottom. No one never asked for it, but I was
afwaid. Oh, go an’ get ve dooly-box!’
Miss Biddums obediently stooped to the lowest
shelf of the almirah and unearthed the big paper
box in which His Majesty the King kept his
dearest possessions. Under the tin soldiers, and
a layer of mud pellets for a pellet-bow, winked
and blazed a diamond star, wrapped roughly in
a half-sheet of notepaper whereon were a few
words.
Somebody was crying at the head of the bed, and
a man’s hand touched the forehead of His Majesty
the King, who grasped the packet and spread it on
the bed.
‘Vat is ve ’parkle cwown,’ he said, and wept
bitterly; for now that he had made restitution he
would fain have kept the shining splendour with
him.
‘It concerns you too,’ said a voice at the head
of the bed. ‘Read the note. This is not the time
to keep back anything.’
The note was curt, very much to the point,
and signed by a single initial. ‘If you wear this
149to-morrow night I shall know what to expect.’ The
date was three weeks old.
A whisper followed, and the deeper voice
returned: ‘And you drifted as far apart as that!
I think it makes us quits now, doesn’t it? Oh,
can’t we drop this folly once and for all? Is it
worth it, darling?’
‘Kiss me too,’ said His Majesty the King
dreamily. ‘You isn’t vevy angwy, is you?’
The fever burned itself out, and His Majesty
the King slept.
When he waked, it was in a new world—peopled
by his father and mother as well as Miss
Biddums; and there was much love in that world
and no morsel of fear, and more petting than was
good for several little boys. His Majesty the
King was too young to moralise on the uncertainty
of things human, or he would have been impressed
with the singular advantages of crime—ay, black
sin. Behold, he had stolen the ‘’parkle cwown,’
and his reward was Love, and the right to play
in the waste-paper basket under the table ‘for
always.’
He trotted over to spend an afternoon with
Patsie, and the Commissioner’s wife would have
kissed him. ‘No, not vere,’ said His Majesty the
King, with superb insolence, fencing one corner of
150his mouth with his hand. ‘Vat’s my Mamma’s
place—vere she kisses me.’
‘Oh!’ said the Commissioner’s wife briefly.
Then to herself: ‘Well, I suppose I ought to be
glad for his sake. Children are selfish little grubs
and—I’ve got my Patsie.’
151
In the Army List they still stand as ‘The Fore
and Fit Princess Hohenzollern-Sigmaringen-Auspach’s
Merthyr-Tydfilshire Own Royal
Loyal Light Infantry, Regimental District 329A,’
but the Army through all its barracks and canteens
knows them now as the ‘Fore and Aft.’ They
may in time do something that shall make their
new title honourable, but at present they are
bitterly ashamed, and the man who calls them
‘Fore and Aft’ does so at the risk of the head
which is on his shoulders.
Two words breathed into the stables of a certain
Cavalry Regiment will bring the men out into the
streets with belts and mops and bad language; but
a whisper of ‘Fore and Aft’ will bring out this
regiment with rifles.
Their one excuse is that they came again and
152did their best to finish the job in style. But for a
time all their world knows that they were openly
beaten, whipped, dumb-cowed, shaking, and
afraid. The men know it; their officers know it;
the Horse Guards know it, and when the next
war comes the enemy will know it also. There
are two or three regiments of the Line that have
a black mark against their names which they will
then wipe out; and it will be excessively inconvenient
for the troops upon whom they do their
wiping.
The courage of the British soldier is officially
supposed to be above proof, and, as a general rule,
it is so. The exceptions are decently shovelled out
of sight, only to be referred to in the freshet of
unguarded talk that occasionally swamps a Mess-table
at midnight. Then one hears strange and
horrible stories of men not following their officers,
of orders being given by those who had no right to
give them, and of disgrace that, but for the standing
luck of the British Army, might have ended in
brilliant disaster. These are unpleasant stories to
listen to, and the Messes tell them under their
breath, sitting by the big wood fires, and the young
officer bows his head and thinks to himself, please
God, his men shall never behave unhandily.
The British soldier is not altogether to be
blamed for occasional lapses; but this verdict he
153should not know. A moderately intelligent General
will waste six months in mastering the craft of the
particular war that he may be waging; a Colonel
may utterly misunderstand the capacity of his
regiment for three months after it has taken the
field; and even a Company Commander may err
and be deceived as to the temper and temperament
of his own handful; wherefore the soldier, and the
soldier of to-day more particularly, should not be
blamed for falling back. He should be shot or
hanged afterwards—to encourage the others; but
he should not be vilified in newspapers, for that is
want of tact and waste of space.
He has, let us say, been in the service of the
Empress for, perhaps, four years. He will leave
in another two years. He has no inherited morals,
and four years are not sufficient to drive toughness
into his fibre, or to teach him how holy a thing is
his Regiment. He wants to drink, he wants to
enjoy himself—in India he wants to save money—and
he does not in the least like getting hurt. He
has received just sufficient education to make him
understand half the purport of the orders he receives,
and to speculate on the nature of clean, incised, and
shattering wounds. Thus, if he is told to deploy
under fire preparatory to an attack, he knows that
he runs a very great risk of being killed while he is
deploying, and suspects that he is being thrown
154away to gain ten minutes’ time. He may either
deploy with desperate swiftness, or he may shuffle,
or bunch, or break, according to the discipline
under which he has lain for four years.
Armed with imperfect knowledge, cursed with
the rudiments of an imagination, hampered by the
intense selfishness of the lower classes, and unsupported
by any regimental associations, this young
man is suddenly introduced to an enemy who in
eastern lands is always ugly, generally tall and hairy,
and frequently noisy. If he looks to the right and
the left and sees old soldiers—men of twelve years’
service, who, he knows, know what they are about—taking
a charge, rush, or demonstration without
embarrassment, he is consoled and applies his
shoulder to the butt of his rifle with a stout heart.
His peace is the greater if he hears a senior,
who has taught him his soldiering and broken
his head on occasion, whispering: ‘They’ll shout
and carry on like this for five minutes. Then
they’ll rush in, and then we’ve got ’em by the short
hairs!’
But, on the other hand, if he sees only men of
his own term of service turning white and playing
with their triggers, and saying: ‘What the Hell’s
up now?’ while the Company Commanders are
sweating into their sword-hilts and shouting:
‘Front-rank, fix bayonets. Steady there—steady!
155Sight for three hundred—no, for five! Lie down,
all! Steady! Front-rank kneel!’ and so forth,
he becomes unhappy; and grows acutely miserable
when he hears a comrade turn over with the rattle
of fire-irons falling into the fender, and the grunt
of a pole-axed ox. If he can be moved about a
little and allowed to watch the effect of his own
fire on the enemy he feels merrier, and may be
then worked up to the blind passion of fighting,
which is, contrary to general belief, controlled by
a chilly Devil and shakes men like ague. If he is
not moved about, and begins to feel cold at the
pit of the stomach, and in that crisis is badly
mauled, and hears orders that were never given,
he will break, and he will break badly; and of
all things under the light of the Sun there is nothing
more terrible than a broken British regiment.
When the worst comes to the worst and the panic
is really epidemic, the men must be e’en let go,
and the Company Commanders had better escape
to the enemy and stay there for safety’s sake. If
they can be made to come again they are not
pleasant men to meet; because they will not break
twice.
About thirty years from this date, when we have
succeeded in half-educating everything that wears
trousers, our Army will be a beautifully unreliable
machine. It will know too much and it will do too
156little. Later still, when all men are at the mental
level of the officer of to-day it will sweep the earth.
Speaking roughly, you must employ either blackguards
or gentlemen, or, best of all, blackguards
commanded by gentlemen, to do butcher’s work
with efficiency and despatch. The ideal soldier
should, of course, think for himself—the Pocket-book
says so. Unfortunately, to attain this virtue he
has to pass through the phase of thinking of himself,
and that is misdirected genius. A blackguard may
be slow to think for himself, but he is genuinely
anxious to kill, and a little punishment teaches
him how to guard his own skin and perforate
another’s. A powerfully prayerful Highland
Regiment, officered by rank Presbyterians, is,
perhaps, one degree more terrible in action than a
hard-bitten thousand of irresponsible Irish ruffians
led by most improper young unbelievers. But
these things prove the rule—which is that the midway
men are not to be trusted alone. They have
ideas about the value of life and an upbringing
that has not taught them to go on and take the
chances. They are carefully unprovided with a
backing of comrades who have been shot over, and
until that backing is reintroduced, as a great many
Regimental Commanders intend it shall be, they
are more liable to disgrace themselves than the size
of the Empire or the dignity of the Army allows.
157Their officers are as good as good can be, because
their training begins early, and God has arranged
that a clean-run youth of the British middle classes
shall, in the matter of backbone, brains, and bowels,
surpass all other youths. For this reason a child of
eighteen will stand up, doing nothing, with a tin
sword in his hand and joy in his heart until he is
dropped. If he dies, he dies like a gentleman. If
he lives, he writes Home that he has been ‘potted,’
‘sniped,’ ‘chipped,’ or ‘cut over,’ and sits down to
besiege Government for a wound-gratuity until the
next little war breaks out, when he perjures himself
before a Medical Board, blarneys his Colonel, burns
incense round his Adjutant, and is allowed to go to
the Front once more.
Which homily brings me directly to a brace of
the most finished little fiends that ever banged drum
or tootled fife in the Band of a British Regiment.
They ended their sinful career by open and flagrant
mutiny and were shot for it. Their names were
Jakin and Lew—Piggy Lew—and they were bold,
bad drummer-boys, both of them frequently birched
by the Drum-Major of the Fore and Aft.
Jakin was a stunted child of fourteen, and Lew
was about the same age. When not looked after,
they smoked and drank. They swore habitually
after the manner of the Barrack-room, which is
cold-swearing and comes from between clinched
158teeth; and they fought religiously once a week.
Jakin had sprung from some London gutter and
may or may not have passed through Dr. Barnardo’s
hands ere he arrived at the dignity of drummer-boy.
Lew could remember nothing except the regiment
and the delight of listening to the Band from his
earliest years. He hid somewhere in his grimy
little soul a genuine love for music, and was most
mistakenly furnished with the head of a cherub:
insomuch that beautiful ladies who watched the
Regiment in church were wont to speak of him as
a ‘darling.’ They never heard his vitriolic comments
on their manners and morals, as he walked
back to barracks with the Band and matured fresh
causes of offence against Jakin.
The other drummer-boys hated both lads on
account of their illogical conduct. Jakin might be
pounding Lew, or Lew might be rubbing Jakin’s
head in the dirt, but any attempt at aggression on
the part of an outsider was met by the combined
forces of Lew and Jakin; and the consequences
were painful. The boys were the Ishmaels of the
corps, but wealthy Ishmaels, for they sold battles
in alternate weeks for the sport of the barracks
when they were not pitted against other boys;
and thus amassed money.
On this particular day there was dissension in
the camp. They had just been convicted afresh of
159smoking, which is bad for little boys who use plug-tobacco,
and Lew’s contention was that Jakin had
‘stunk so ’orrid bad from keepin’ the pipe in
pocket,’ that he and he alone was responsible for
the birching they were both tingling under.
‘I tell you I ’id the pipe back o’ barracks,’ said
Jakin pacifically.
‘You’re a bloomin’ liar,’ said Lew without heat.
‘You’re a bloomin’ little barstard,’ said Jakin,
strong in the knowledge that his own ancestry
was unknown.
Now there is one word in the extended vocabulary
of barrack-room abuse that cannot pass without
comment. You may call a man a thief and
risk nothing. You may even call him a coward
without finding more than a boot whiz past your
ear, but you must not call a man a bastard unless
you are prepared to prove it on his front teeth.
‘You might ha’ kep’ that till I wasn’t so sore,’
said Lew sorrowfully, dodging round Jakin’s
guard.
‘I’ll make you sorer,’ said Jakin genially, and
got home on Lew’s alabaster forehead. All would
have gone well and this story, as the books say,
would never have been written, had not his evil
fate prompted the Bazar-Sergeant’s son, a long,
employless man of five-and-twenty, to put in an
appearance after the first round. He was eternally
160in need of money, and knew that the boys had
silver.
‘Fighting again,’ said he. ‘I’ll report you to
my father, and he’ll report you to the Colour-Sergeant.’
‘What’s that to you?’ said Jakin with an unpleasant
dilation of the nostrils.
‘Oh! nothing to me. You’ll get into trouble,
and you’ve been up too often to afford that.’
‘What the Hell do you know about what we’ve
done?’ asked Lew the Seraph. ‘You aren’t in the
Army, you lousy, cadging civilian.’
He closed in on the man’s left flank.
‘Jes’ ’cause you find two gentlemen settlin’ their
diff’rences with their fists you stick in your ugly
nose where you aren’t wanted. Run ’ome to your
’arf-caste slut of a Ma—or we’ll give you what-for,’
said Jakin.
The man attempted reprisals by knocking the
boys’ heads together. The scheme would have
succeeded had not Jakin punched him vehemently
in the stomach, or had Lew refrained from kicking
his shins. They fought together, bleeding and
breathless, for half an hour, and, after heavy punishment,
triumphantly pulled down their opponent as
terriers pull down a jackal.
‘Now,’ gasped Jakin, ‘I’ll give you what-for.’
He proceeded to pound the man’s features while
161Lew stamped on the outlying portions of his
anatomy. Chivalry is not a strong point in the
composition of the average drummer-boy. He
fights, as do his betters, to make his mark.
Ghastly was the ruin that escaped, and awful
was the wrath of the Bazar-Sergeant. Awful,
too, was the scene in Orderly-room when the
two reprobates appeared to answer the charge of
half-murdering a ‘civilian.’ The Bazar-Sergeant
thirsted for a criminal action, and his son lied.
The boys stood to attention while the black clouds
of evidence accumulated.
‘You little devils are more trouble than the
rest of the Regiment put together,’ said the Colonel
angrily. ‘One might as well admonish thistledown,
and I can’t well put you in cells or under
stoppages. You must be birched again.’
‘Beg y’ pardon, Sir. Can’t we say nothin’ in
our own defence, Sir?’ shrilled Jakin.
‘Hey! What? Are you going to argue with
me?’ said the Colonel.
‘No, Sir,’ said Lew. ‘But if a man come to
you, Sir, and said he was going to report you, Sir,
for ’aving a bit of a turn-up with a friend, Sir, an’
wanted to get money out o’ you, Sir——’
The Orderly-room exploded in a roar of
laughter. ‘Well?’ said the Colonel.
‘That was what that measly jarnwar there did,
162Sir, and ’e’d ’a’ done it, Sir, if we ’adn’t prevented
’im. We didn’t ’it ’im much, Sir. ’E ’adn’t no
manner o’ right to interfere with us, Sir. I don’t
mind bein’ birched by the Drum-Major, Sir, nor
yet reported by any Corp’ral, but I’m—but I don’t
think it’s fair, Sir, for a civilian to come an’ talk
over a man in the Army.’
A second shout of laughter shook the Orderly-room,
but the Colonel was grave.
‘What sort of characters have these boys?’ he
asked of the Regimental Sergeant-Major.
‘Accordin’ to the Bandmaster, Sir,’ returned
that revered official—the only soul in the regiment
whom the boys feared—‘they do everything but
lie, Sir.’
‘Is it like we’d go for that man for fun, Sir?’
said Lew, pointing to the plaintiff.
‘Oh, admonished—admonished!’ said the
Colonel testily, and when the boys had gone
he read the Bazar-Sergeant’s son a lecture on
the sin of unprofitable meddling, and gave orders
that the Bandmaster should keep the Drums in
better discipline.
‘If either of you comes to practice again with so
much as a scratch on your two ugly little faces,’
thundered the Bandmaster, ‘I’ll tell the Drum-Major
to take the skin off your backs. Understand
that, you young devils.’
163Then he repented of his speech for just the
length of time that Lew, looking like a Seraph in
red worsted embellishments, took the place of one
of the trumpets—in hospital—and rendered the
echo of a battle-piece. Lew certainly was a musician,
and had often in his more exalted moments expressed
a yearning to master every instrument of
the Band.
‘There’s nothing to prevent your becoming a
Bandmaster, Lew,’ said the Bandmaster, who had
composed waltzes of his own, and worked day and
night in the interests of the Band.
‘What did he say?’ demanded Jakin after
practice.
‘’Said I might be a bloomin’ Bandmaster, an’
be asked in to ’ave a glass o’ sherry-wine on Mess-nights.’
‘Ho! ’Said you might be a bloomin’ non-combatant,
did ’e! That’s just about wot ’e
would say. When I’ve put in my boy’s service—it’s
a bloomin’ shame that doesn’t count for
pension—I’ll take on as a privit. Then I’ll be a
Lance in a year—knowin’ what I know about the
ins an’ outs o’ things. In three years I’ll be a
bloomin’ Sergeant. I won’t marry then, not I!
I’ll ’old on and learn the orf’cers’ ways an’ apply
for exchange into a reg’ment that doesn’t know
all about me. Then I’ll be a bloomin’ orf’cer.
164Then I’ll ask you to ’ave a glass o’ sherry-wine,
Mister Lew, an’ you’ll bloomin’ well ’ave to stay
in the hanty-room while the Mess-Sergeant brings
it to your dirty ’ands.’
‘’S’po se I’m going to be a Bandmaster? Not I,
quite. I’ll be a orf’cer too. There’s nothin’ like
taking to a thing an’ stickin’ to it, the Schoolmaster
says. The reg’ment don’t go ’ome for another
seven years. I’ll be a Lance then or near to.’
Thus the boys discussed their futures, and conducted
themselves piously for a week. That is
to say, Lew started a flirtation with the Colour-Sergeant’s
daughter, aged thirteen—‘not,’ as he
explained to Jakin, ‘with any intention o’ matrimony,
but by way o’ keepin’ my ’and in.’ And the
black-haired Cris Delighan enjoyed that flirtation
more than previous ones, and the other drummer-boys
raged furiously together, and Jakin preached
sermons on the dangers of ‘bein’ tangled along o’
petticoats.’
But neither love nor virtue would have held
Lew long in the paths of propriety had not the
rumour gone abroad that the Regiment was to be
sent on active service, to take part in a war which,
for the sake of brevity, we will call ‘The War of
the Lost Tribes.’
The barracks had the rumour almost before the
Mess-room, and of all the nine hundred men in
165barracks not ten had seen a shot fired in anger.
The Colonel had, twenty years ago, assisted at a
Frontier expedition; one of the Majors had seen
service at the Cape; a confirmed deserter in E
Company had helped to clear streets in Ireland;
but that was all. The Regiment had been put by
for many years. The overwhelming mass of its
rank and file had from three to four years’ service;
the non-commissioned officers were under thirty
years old; and men and sergeants alike had forgotten
to speak of the stories written in brief upon
the Colours—the New Colours that had been
formally blessed by an Archbishop in England ere
the Regiment came away.
They wanted to go to the Front—they were
enthusiastically anxious to go—but they had no
knowledge of what war meant, and there was none
to tell them. They were an educated regiment, the
percentage of school-certificates in their ranks was
high, and most of the men could do more than
read and write. They had been recruited in loyal
observance of the territorial idea; but they themselves
had no notion of that idea. They were
made up of drafts from an over-populated manufacturing
district. The system had put flesh and
muscle upon their small bones, but it could not
put heart into the sons of those who for generations
had done overmuch work for over-scanty
166pay, had sweated in drying-rooms, stooped over
looms, coughed among white-lead, and shivered
on lime-barges. The men had found food and
rest in the Army, and now they were going to
fight ‘niggers’—people who ran away if you
shook a stick at them. Wherefore they cheered
lustily when the rumour ran, and the shrewd,
clerkly non-commissioned officers speculated on
the chances of batta and of saving their pay. At
Headquarters men said: ‘The Fore and Fit have
never been under fire within the last generation.
Let us, therefore, break them in easily by setting
them to guard lines of communication,’ And this
would have been done but for the fact that British
Regiments were wanted—badly wanted—at the
Front, and there were doubtful Native Regiments
that could fill the minor duties. ‘Brigade ’em
with two strong Regiments,’ said Headquarters.
‘They may be knocked about a bit, but they’ll
learn their business before they come through.
Nothing like a night-alarm and a little cutting-up of
stragglers to make a Regiment smart in the field.
Wait till they’ve had half-a-dozen sentries’ throats
cut.’
The Colonel wrote with delight that the temper
of his men was excellent, that the Regiment was
all that could be wished, and as sound as a bell.
The Majors smiled with a sober joy, and the subalterns
167waltzed in pairs down the Mess-room after
dinner, and nearly shot themselves at revolver-practice.
But there was consternation in the hearts
of Jakin and Lew. What was to be done with
the Drums? Would the Band go to the Front?
How many of the Drums would accompany the
Regiment?
They took counsel together, sitting in a tree and
smoking.
‘It’s more than a bloomin’ toss-up they’ll leave
us be’ind at the Depot with the women. You’ll
like that,’ said Jakin sarcastically.
‘’Cause o’ Cris, y’ mean? Wot’s a woman, or
a ‘ole bloomin’ depot o’ women, ’longside o’ the
chanst of field-service? You know I’m as keen
on goin’ as you,’ said Lew.
‘Wish I was a bloomin’ bugler,’ said Jakin
sadly. ‘They’ll take Tom Kidd along, that I can
plaster a wall with, an’ like as not they won’t
take us.’
‘Then let’s go an’ make Tom Kidd so bloomin’
sick ’e can’t bugle no more. You ’old ’is ’ands
an’ I’ll kick him,’ said Lew, wriggling on the
branch.
‘That ain’t no good neither. We ain’t the
sort o’ characters to presoom on our rep’tations—they’re
bad. If they leave the Band at the Depot
we don’t go, and no error there. If they take the
168Band we may get cast for medical unfitness. Are
you medical fit, Piggy?’ said Jakin, digging Lew
in the ribs with force.
‘Yus,’ said Lew with an oath. ‘The Doctor
says your ’eart’s weak through smokin’ on an
empty stummick. Throw a chest an’ I’ll try yer.’
Jakin threw out his chest, which Lew smote
with all his might. Jakin turned very pale, gasped,
crowed, screwed up his eyes, and said—‘That’s
all right.’
‘You’ll do,’ said Lew. ‘I’ve ’eard o’ men
dying when you ’it ’em fair on the breastbone.’
‘Don’t bring us no nearer goin’, though,’ said
Jakin. ‘Do you know where we’re ordered?’
‘Gawd knows, an’ ’E won’t split on a pal.
Somewheres up to the Front to kill Paythans—hairy
big beggars that turn you inside out if they
get ’old o’ you. They say their women are good-looking,
too.’
‘Any loot?’ asked the abandoned Jakin.
‘Not a bloomin’ anna, they say, unless you dig
up the ground an’ see what the niggers ’ave ’id.
They’re a poor lot.’ Jakin stood upright on the
branch and gazed across the plain.
‘Lew,’ said he, ‘there’s the Colonel coming.
’Colonel’s a good old beggar. Let’s go an’ talk
to ’im.’
Lew nearly fell out of the tree at the audacity
169of the suggestion. Like Jakin he feared not God,
neither regarded he Man, but there are limits even
to the audacity of drummer-boy, and to speak to
a Colonel was——
But Jakin had slid down the trunk and doubled
in the direction of the Colonel. That officer was
walking wrapped in thought and visions of a C.B.—yes,
even a K.C.B., for had he not at command
one of the best Regiments of the Line—the Fore
and Fit? And he was aware of two small boys
charging down upon him. Once before it had
been solemnly reported to him that ‘the Drums
were in a state of mutiny,’ Jakin and Lew being
the ringleaders. This looked like an organised
conspiracy.
The boys halted at twenty yards, walked to the
regulation four paces, and saluted together, each as
well-set-up as a ramrod and little taller.
The Colonel was in a genial mood; the boys
appeared very forlorn and unprotected on the
desolate plain, and one of them was handsome.
‘Well!’ said the Colonel, recognising them.
‘Are you going to pull me down in the open?
I’m sure I never interfere with you, even
though’—he sniffed suspiciously—‘you have been
smoking.’
It was time to strike while the iron was hot.
Their hearts beat tumultuously.
170‘Beg y’ pardon, Sir,’ began Jakin. ‘The
Reg’ment’s ordered on active service, Sir?’
‘So I believe,’ said the Colonel courteously.
‘Is the Band goin’, Sir?’ said both together.
Then, without pause, ‘We’re goin’, Sir, ain’t we?’
‘You!’ said the Colonel, stepping back the more
fully to take in the two small figures. ‘You!
You’d die in the first march.’
‘No, we wouldn’t, Sir. We can march with the
Reg’ment anywheres—p’rade an’ anywhere else,’
said Jakin.
‘If Tom Kidd goes ’e’ll shut up like a clasp-knife,’
said Lew. ‘Tom ’as very-close veins in both ’is
legs, Sir.’
‘Very how much?’
‘Very-close veins, Sir. That’s why they swells
after long p’rade, Sir. If ’e can go, we can go, Sir.’
Again the Colonel looked at them long and
intently.
‘Yes, the Band is going,’ he said as gravely as
though he had been addressing a brother officer.
‘Have you any parents, either of you two?’
‘No, Sir,’ rejoicingly from Lew and Jakin.
‘We’re both orphans, Sir. There’s no one to be
considered of on our account, Sir.’
‘You poor little sprats, and you want to go up
to the Front with the Regiment, do you? Why?’
‘I’ve worn the Queen’s Uniform for two years,’
171said Jakin. ‘It’s very ’ard, Sir, that a man don’t
get no recompense for doin’ of ’is dooty, Sir.’
‘An’—an’ if I don’t go, Sir,’ interrupted Lew,
‘the Bandmaster ’e says ’e’ll catch an’ make a
bloo—a blessed musician o’ me, Sir. Before I’ve
seen any service, Sir.’
The Colonel made no answer for a long time.
Then he said quietly: ‘If you’re passed by the
Doctor I daresay you can go. I shouldn’t smoke
if I were you.’
The boys saluted and disappeared. The Colonel
walked home and told the story to his wife, who
nearly cried over it. The Colonel was well pleased.
If that was the temper of the children, what would
not the men do?
Jakin and Lew entered the boys’ barrack-room
with great stateliness, and refused to hold any conversation
with their comrades for at least ten
minutes. Then, bursting with pride, Jakin drawled:
‘I’ve bin intervooin’ the Colonel. Good old beggar
is the Colonel. Says I to ’im, “Colonel,” says I,
“let me go to the Front, along o’ the Reg’ment”—“To
the Front you shall go,” says ’e, “an’ I only
wish there was more like you among the dirty little
devils that bang the bloomin’ drums.” Kidd, if
you throw your ’courtrements at me for tellin’ you
the truth to your own advantage, your legs’ll swell.’
None the less there was a Battle-Royal in the
172barrack-room, for the boys were consumed with
envy and hate, and neither Jakin nor Lew behaved
in conciliatory wise.
‘I’m goin’ out to say adoo to my girl,’ said Lew,
to cap the climax. ‘Don’t none o’ you touch my
kit because it’s wanted for active service; me bein’
specially invited to go by the Colonel.’
He strolled forth and whistled in the clump of
trees at the back of the Married Quarters till Cris
came to him, and, the preliminary kisses being given
and taken, Lew began to explain the situation.
‘I’m goin’ to the Front with the Reg’ment,’ he
said valiantly.
‘Piggy, you’re a little liar,’ said Cris, but her
heart misgave her, for Lew was not in the habit of
lying.
‘Liar yourself, Cris,’ said Lew, slipping an arm
round her. ‘I’m goin’. When the Reg’ment
marches out you’ll see me with ’em, all galliant and
gay. Give us another kiss, Cris, on the strength
of it.’
‘If you’d on’y a-stayed at the Depot—where
you ought to ha’ bin—you could get as many of
’em as—as you dam please,’ whimpered Cris,
putting up her mouth.
‘It’s ’ard, Cris. I grant you it’s ’ard. But
what’s a man to do? If I’d a-stayed at the Depot,
you wouldn’t think anything of me.’
173‘Like as not, but I’d ’ave you with me, Piggy.
An’ all the thinkin’ in the world isn’t like kissin’.’
‘An’ all the kissin’ in the world isn’t like ’avin’
a medal to wear on the front o’ your coat.’
‘You won’t get no medal.’
‘Oh yus, I shall though. Me an’ Jakin are
the only acting-drummers that’ll be took along.
All the rest is full men, an’ we’ll get our medals
with them.’
‘They might ha’ taken anybody but you, Piggy.
You’ll get killed—you’re so venturesome. Stay
with me, Piggy darlin’, down at the Depot, an’ I’ll
love you true, for ever.’
‘Ain’t you goin’ to do that now, Cris? You
said you was.’
‘O’ course I am, but th’ other’s more comfortable.
Wait till you’ve growed a bit, Piggy. You
aren’t no taller than me now.’
‘I’ve bin in the Army for two years an’ I’m not
goin’ to get out of a chanst o’ seein’ service, an’
don’t you try to make me do so. I’ll come back,
Cris, an’ when I take on as a man I’ll marry you—marry
you when I’m a Lance.’
‘Promise, Piggy?’
Lew reflected on the future as arranged by Jakin
a short time previously, but Cris’s mouth was
very near to his own.
‘I promise, s’elp me Gawd!’ said he.
174Cris slid an arm round his neck.
‘I won’t ’old you back no more, Piggy. Go
away an’ get your medal, an’ I’ll make you a new
button-bag as nice as I know how,’ she whispered.
‘Put some o’ your ’air into it, Cris, an’ I’ll keep
it in my pocket so long’s I’m alive.’
Then Cris wept anew, and the interview ended.
Public feeling among the drummer-boys rose to
fever pitch and the lives of Jakin and Lew became
unenviable. Not only had they been permitted to
enlist two years before the regulation boy’s age—fourteen—but,
by virtue, it seemed, of their extreme
youth, they were allowed to go to the Front—which
thing had not happened to acting-drummers
within the knowledge of boy. The Band which
was to accompany the Regiment had been cut down
to the regulation twenty men, the surplus returning
to the ranks. Jakin and Lew were attached to the
Band as supernumeraries, though they would much
have preferred being Company buglers.
‘’Don’t matter much,’ said Jakin, after the
medical inspection. ‘Be thankful that we’re
’lowed to go at all. The Doctor ’e said that if
we could stand what we took from the Bazar-Sergeant’s
son we’d stand pretty nigh anything.’
‘Which we will,’ said Lew, looking tenderly at
the ragged and ill-made housewife that Cris had
175given him, with a lock of her hair worked into a
sprawling ‘L’ upon the cover.
‘It was the best I could,’ she sobbed. ‘I
wouldn’t let mother nor the Sergeants’ tailor ’elp
me. Keep it always, Piggy, an’ remember I love
you true.’
They marched to the railway station, nine
hundred and sixty strong, and every soul in cantonments
turned out to see them go. The drummers
gnashed their teeth at Jakin and Lew marching
with the Band, the married women wept upon the
platform, and the Regiment cheered its noble self
black in the face.
‘A nice level lot,’ said the Colonel to the
Second-in-Command as they watched the first four
companies entraining.
‘Fit to do anything,’ said the Second-in-Command
enthusiastically. ‘But it seems to me they’re
a thought too young and tender for the work in
hand. It’s bitter cold up at the Front now.’
‘They’re sound enough,’ said the Colonel.
‘We must take our chance of sick casualties.’
So they went northward, ever northward, past
droves and droves of camels, armies of camp
followers, and legions of laden mules, the throng
thickening day by day, till with a shriek the train
pulled up at a hopelessly-congested junction where
six lines of temporary track accommodated six
176forty-waggon trains; where whistles blew, Babus
sweated, and Commissariat officers swore from
dawn till far into the night amid the wind-driven
chaff of the fodder-bales and the lowing of a
thousand steers.
‘Hurry up—you’re badly wanted at the Front,’
was the message that greeted the Fore and Aft,
and the occupants of the Red Cross carriages told
the same tale.
‘’Tisn’t so much the bloomin’ fightin’,’ gasped
a headbound trooper of Hussars to a knot of
admiring Fore and Afts. ‘’Tisn’t so much the
bloomin’ fightin’, though there’s enough o’ that.
It’s the bloomin’ food an’ the bloomin’ climate.
Frost all night ’cept when it hails, and biling sun
all day, and the water stinks fit to knock you
down. I got my ’ead chipped like a egg; I’ve
got pneumonia too, an’ my guts is all out o’ order.
’Tain’t no bloomin’ picnic in those parts, I can tell
you.’
‘Wot are the niggers like?’ demanded a private.
‘There’s some prisoners in that train yonder.
Go an’ look at ’em. They’re the aristocracy o’ the
country. The common folk are a dashed sight
uglier. If you want to know what they fight with,
reach under my seat an’ pull out the long knife
that’s there.’
They dragged out and beheld for the first time
177the grim, bone-handled, triangular Afghan knife.
It was almost as long as Lew.
‘That’s the thing to jint ye,’ said the trooper
feebly. ‘It can take off a man’s arm at the
shoulder as easy as slicing butter. I halved the
beggar that used that ’un, but there’s more of his
likes up above. They don’t understand thrustin’,
but they’re devils to slice.’
The men strolled across the tracks to inspect
the Afghan prisoners. They were unlike any
‘niggers’ that the Fore and Aft had ever met—these
huge, black-haired, scowling sons of the
Beni-Israel. As the men stared the Afghans spat
freely and muttered one to another with lowered
eyes.
‘My eyes! Wot awful swine!’ said Jakin,
who was in the rear of the procession. ‘Say, old
man, how you got puckrowed, eh? Kiswasti you
wasn’t hanged for your ugly face, hey?’
The tallest of the company turned, his leg-irons
clanking at the movement, and stared at the boy.
‘See!’ he cried to his fellows in Pushto. ‘They
send children against us. What a people, and
what fools!’
‘Hya!’ said Jakin, nodding his head cheerily.
‘You go down-country. Khana get, peenikapanee
get—live like a bloomin’ Raja ke marfik. That’s
a better bandobust than baynit get it in your
178innards. Good-bye, ole man. Take care o’ your
beautiful figure-’ed, an’ try to look kushy.’
The men laughed and fell in for their first
march, when they began to realise that a soldier’s
life was not all beer and skittles. They were much
impressed with the size and bestial ferocity of the
niggers whom they had now learned to call
‘Paythans,’ and more with the exceeding discomfort
of their own surroundings. Twenty old
soldiers in the corps would have taught them how
to make themselves moderately snug at night, but
they had no old soldiers, and, as the troops on the
line of march said, ‘they lived like pigs.’ They
learned the heart-breaking cussedness of camp-kitchens
and camels and the depravity of an E. P.
tent and a wither-wrung mule. They studied
animalculæ in water, and developed a few cases of
dysentery in their study.
At the end of their third march they were disagreeably
surprised by the arrival in their camp of
a hammered iron slug which, fired from a steady
rest at seven hundred yards, flicked out the brains
of a private seated by the fire. This robbed them
of their peace for a night, and was the beginning of
a long-range fire carefully calculated to that end.
In the daytime they saw nothing except an unpleasant
puff of smoke from a crag above the line
of march. At night there were distant spurts of
179flame and occasional casualties, which set the whole
camp blazing into the gloom and, occasionally, into
opposite tents. Then they swore vehemently,
and vowed that this was magnificent but not
war.
Indeed it was not. The Regiment could not
halt for reprisals against the sharpshooters of the
countryside. Its duty was to go forward and
make connection with the Scotch and Gurkha
troops with which it was brigaded. The Afghans
knew this, and knew too, after their first tentative
shots, that they were dealing with a raw regiment.
Thereafter they devoted themselves to the task of
keeping the Fore and Aft on the strain. Not for
anything would they have taken equal liberties
with a seasoned corps—with the wicked little
Gurkhas, whose delight it was to lie out in the
open on a dark night and stalk their stalkers—with
the terrible, big men dressed in women’s
clothes, who could be heard praying to their God
in the night-watches, and whose peace of mind no
amount of ‘sniping’ could shake—or with those
vile Sikhs, who marched so ostentatiously unprepared,
and who dealt out such grim reward to those
who tried to profit by that unpreparedness. This
white regiment was different—quite different. It
slept like a hog, and, like a hog, charged in every
direction when it was roused. Its sentries walked
180with a footfall that could be heard for a quarter of
a mile; would fire at anything that moved—even
a driven donkey—and when they had once fired,
could be scientifically ‘rushed’ and laid out a
horror and an offence against the morning sun.
Then there were camp followers who straggled and
could be cut up without fear. Their shrieks would
disturb the white boys, and the loss of their services
would inconvenience them sorely.
Thus, at every march, the hidden enemy became
bolder and the regiment writhed and twisted under
attacks it could not avenge. The crowning triumph
was a sudden night-rush ending in the cutting of
many tent-ropes, the collapse of the sodden canvas,
and a glorious knifing of the men who struggled
and kicked below. It was a great deed, neatly
carried out, and it shook the already shaken nerves
of the Fore and Aft. All the courage that they
had been required to exercise up to this point was
the ‘two o’clock in the morning courage’; and,
so far, they had only succeeded in shooting their
comrades and losing their sleep.
Sullen, discontented, cold, savage, sick, with
their uniforms dulled and unclean, the Fore and
Aft joined their Brigade.
‘I hear you had a tough time of it coming up,’
said the Brigadier. But when he saw the hospital-sheets
his face fell.
181‘This is bad,’ said he to himself. ‘They’re as
rotten as sheep.’ And aloud to the Colonel—‘I’m
afraid we can’t spare you just yet. We want all
we have, else I should have given you ten days to
recover in.’
The Colonel winced. ‘On my honour, Sir,’ he
returned, ‘there is not the least necessity to think
of sparing us. My men have been rather mauled
and upset without a fair return. They only want
to go in somewhere where they can see what’s
before them.’
‘Can’t say I think much of the Fore and Fit,’
said the Brigadier in confidence to his Brigade-Major.
‘They’ve lost all their soldiering, and,
by the trim of them, might have marched through
the country from the other side. A more fagged-out
set of men I never put eyes on.’
‘Oh, they’ll improve as the work goes on. The
parade gloss has been rubbed off a little, but they’ll
put on field polish before long,’ said the Brigade-Major.
‘They’ve been mauled, and they quite
don’t understand it.’
They did not. All the hitting was on one side,
and it was cruelly hard hitting with accessories
that made them sick. There was also the real
sickness that laid hold of a strong man and dragged
him howling to the grave. Worst of all, their
officers knew just as little of the country as the
182men themselves, and looked as if they did. The
Fore and Aft were in a thoroughly unsatisfactory
condition, but they believed that all would be well
if they could once get a fair go-in at the enemy.
Pot-shots up and down the valleys were unsatisfactory,
and the bayonet never seemed to get a
chance. Perhaps it was as well, for a long-limbed
Afghan with a knife had a reach of eight feet, and
could carry away lead that would disable three
Englishmen.
The Fore and Fit would like some rifle-practice
at the enemy—all seven hundred rifles blazing together.
That wish showed the mood of the men.
The Gurkhas walked into their camp, and in
broken, barrack-room English strove to fraternise
with them; offered them pipes of tobacco and
stood them treat at the canteen. But the Fore
and Aft, not knowing much of the nature of the
Gurkhas, treated them as they would treat any
other ‘niggers,’ and the little men in green trotted
back to their firm friends the Highlanders, and
with many grins confided to them: ‘That dam
white regiment no dam use. Sulky—ugh! Dirty—ugh!
Hya, any tot for Johnny?’ Whereat
the Highlanders smote the Gurkhas as to the
head, and told them not to vilify a British Regiment,
and the Gurkhas grinned cavernously, for
the Highlanders were their elder brothers and
183entitled to the privileges of kinship. The common
soldier who touches a Gurkha is more than likely
to have his head sliced open.
Three days later the Brigadier arranged a battle
according to the rules of war and the peculiarity
of the Afghan temperament. The enemy were
massing in inconvenient strength among the hills,
and the moving of many green standards warned
him that the tribes were ‘up’ in aid of the Afghan
regular troops. A squadron and a half of Bengal
Lancers represented the available Cavalry, and two
screw-guns borrowed from a column thirty miles
away, the Artillery at the General’s disposal.
‘If they stand, as I’ve a very strong notion that
they will, I fancy we shall see an infantry fight
that will be worth watching,’ said the Brigadier.
‘We’ll do it in style. Each regiment shall be
played into action by its Band, and we’ll hold the
Cavalry in reserve.’
‘For all the reserve?’ somebody asked.
‘For all the reserve; because we’re going to
crumple them up,’ said the Brigadier, who was an
extraordinary Brigadier, and did not believe in the
value of a reserve when dealing with Asiatics.
Indeed, when you come to think of it, had the
British Army consistently waited for reserves in
all its little affairs, the boundaries of Our Empire
would have stopped at Brighton beach.
184That battle was to be a glorious battle.
The three regiments debouching from three
separate gorges, after duly crowning the heights
above, were to converge from the centre, left, and
right upon what we will call the Afghan army,
then stationed towards the lower extremity of a
flat-bottomed valley. Thus it will be seen that
three sides of the valley practically belonged to
the English, while the fourth was strictly Afghan
property. In the event of defeat the Afghans had
the rocky hills to fly to, where the fire from the
guerilla tribes in aid would cover their retreat. In
the event of victory these same tribes would rush
down and lend their weight to the rout of the
British.
The screw-guns were to shell the head of each
Afghan rush that was made in close formation,
and the Cavalry, held in reserve in the right valley,
were to gently stimulate the break-up which would
follow on the combined attack. The Brigadier,
sitting upon a rock overlooking the valley, would
watch the battle unrolled at his feet. The Fore
and Aft would debouch from the central gorge,
the Gurkhas from the left, and the Highlanders
from the right, for the reason that the left flank
of the enemy seemed as though it required the
most hammering. It was not every day that an
Afghan force would take ground in the open, and
185the Brigadier was resolved to make the most
of it.
‘If we only had a few more men,’ he said
plaintively, ‘we could surround the creatures and
crumple ’em up thoroughly. As it is, I’m afraid
we can only cut them up as they run. It’s a
great pity.’
The Fore and Aft had enjoyed unbroken peace
for five days, and were beginning, in spite of
dysentery, to recover their nerve. But they were
not happy, for they did not know the work in
hand, and had they known, would not have known
how to do it. Throughout those five days in which
old soldiers might have taught them the craft of the
game, they discussed together their misadventures
in the past—how such an one was alive at dawn
and dead ere the dusk, and with what shrieks and
struggles such another had given up his soul under
the Afghan knife. Death was a new and horrible
thing to the sons of mechanics who were used to
die decently of zymotic disease; and their careful
conservation in barracks had done nothing to make
them look upon it with less dread.
Very early in the dawn the bugles began to
blow, and the Fore and Aft, filled with a misguided
enthusiasm, turned out without waiting for a cup
of coffee and a biscuit; and were rewarded by
being kept under arms in the cold while the other
186regiments leisurely prepared for the fray. All the
world knows that it is ill taking the breeks off a
Highlander. It is much iller to try to make him
stir unless he is convinced of the necessity for
haste.
The Fore and Aft waited, leaning upon their
rifles and listening to the protests of their empty
stomachs. The Colonel did his best to remedy
the default of lining as soon as it was borne in upon
him that the affair would not begin at once, and so
well did he succeed that the coffee was just ready
when—the men moved off, their Band leading.
Even then there had been a mistake in time, and
the Fore and Aft came out into the valley ten
minutes before the proper hour. Their Band
wheeled to the right after reaching the open, and
retired behind a little rocky knoll still playing
while the regiment went past.
It was not a pleasant sight that opened on the
uninstructed view, for the lower end of the valley
appeared to be filled by an army in position—real
and actual regiments attired in red coats, and—of
this there was no doubt—firing Martini-Henry
bullets which cut up the ground a hundred yards
in front of the leading company. Over that
pock-marked ground the regiment had to pass, and
it opened the ball with a general and profound
courtesy to the piping pickets; ducking in perfect
187time, as though it had been brazed on a rod.
Being half-capable of thinking for itself, it fired a
volley by the simple process of pitching its rifle
into its shoulder and pulling the trigger. The
bullets may have accounted for some of the watchers
on the hillside, but they certainly did not affect
the mass of enemy in front, while the noise of the
rifles drowned any orders that might have been
given.
‘Good God!’ said the Brigadier, sitting on the
rock high above all. ‘That regiment has spoilt
the whole show. Hurry up the others, and let
the screw-guns get off.’
But the screw-guns, in working round the
heights, had stumbled upon a wasp’s nest of a small
mud fort which they incontinently shelled at eight
hundred yards, to the huge discomfort of the
occupants, who were unaccustomed to weapons of
such devilish precision.
The Fore and Aft continued to go forward, but
with shortened stride. Where were the other
regiments, and why did these niggers use Martinis?
They took open order instinctively, lying down
and firing at random, rushing a few paces forward
and lying down again, according to the regulations.
Once in this formation, each man felt himself
desperately alone, and edged in towards his fellow
for comfort’s sake.
188Then the crack of his neighbour’s rifle at his
ear led him to fire as rapidly as he could—again
for the sake of the comfort of the noise. The
reward was not long delayed. Five volleys plunged
the files in banked smoke impenetrable to the eye,
and the bullets began to take ground twenty or
thirty yards in front of the firers, as the weight of
the bayonet dragged down and to the right arms
wearied with holding the kick of the leaping
Martini. The Company Commanders peered
helplessly through the smoke, the more nervous
mechanically trying to fan it away with their
helmets.
‘High and to the left!’ bawled a Captain till
he was hoarse. ‘No good! Cease firing, and let
it drift away a bit.’
Three and four times the bugles shrieked the
order, and when it was obeyed the Fore and Aft
looked that their foe should be lying before them
in mown swaths of men. A light wind drove the
smoke to leeward, and showed the enemy still in
position and apparently unaffected. A quarter of
a ton of lead had been buried a furlong in front of
them, as the ragged earth attested.
That was not demoralising to the Afghans, who
have not European nerves. They were waiting
for the mad riot to die down, and were firing
quietly into the heart of the smoke. A private of
189the Fore and Aft spun up his company shrieking
with agony, another was kicking the earth and
gasping, and a third, ripped through the lower
intestines by a jagged bullet, was calling aloud on
his comrades to put him out of his pain. These
were the casualties, and they were not soothing
to hear or see. The smoke cleared to a dull haze.
Then the foe began to shout with a great shouting,
and a mass—a black mass—detached itself from the
main body, and rolled over the ground at horrid
speed. It was composed of, perhaps, three hundred
men, who would shout and fire and slash if the rush
of their fifty comrades who were determined to die
carried home. The fifty were Ghazis, half-maddened
with drugs and wholly mad with religious fanaticism.
When they rushed the British fire ceased, and in
the lull the order was given to close ranks and
meet them with the bayonet.
Any one who knew the business could have told
the Fore and Aft that the only way of dealing with
a Ghazi rush is by volleys at long ranges; because
a man who means to die, who desires to die, who
will gain heaven by dying, must, in nine cases out
of ten, kill a man who has a lingering prejudice in
favour of life. Where they should have closed and
gone forward, the Fore and Aft opened out and
skirmished, and where they should have opened
out and fired, they closed and waited.
190A man dragged from his blankets half awake
and unfed is never in a pleasant frame of mind.
Nor does his happiness increase when he watches
the whites of the eyes of three hundred six-foot
fiends upon whose beards the foam is lying, upon
whose tongues is a roar of wrath, and in whose
hands are yard-long knives.
The Fore and Aft heard the Gurkha bugles
bringing that regiment forward at the double,
while the neighing of the Highland pipes came
from the left. They strove to stay where they
were, though the bayonets wavered down the line
like the oars of a ragged boat. Then they felt
body to body the amazing physical strength of
their foes; a shriek of pain ended the rush, and
the knives fell amid scenes not to be told. The
men clubbed together and smote blindly—as often as
not at their own fellows. Their front crumpled like
paper, and the fifty Ghazis passed on; their backers,
now drunk with success, fighting as madly as they.
Then the rear-ranks were bidden to close up,
and the subalterns dashed into the stew—alone.
For the rear-rank had heard the clamour in front,
the yells and the howls of pain, and had seen the
dark stale blood that makes afraid. They were
not going to stay. It was the rushing of the camps
over again. Let their officers go to Hell, if they
chose; they would get away from the knives.
191‘Come on!’ shrieked the subalterns, and their
men, cursing them, drew back, each closing into
his neighbour and wheeling round.
Charteris and Devlin, subalterns of the last
company, faced their death alone in the belief that
their men would follow.
‘You’ve killed me, you cowards,’ sobbed Devlin
and dropped, cut from the shoulder-strap to the
centre of the chest, and a fresh detachment of his
men retreating, always retreating, trampled him
under foot as they made for the pass whence they
had emerged.
I kissed her in the kitchen and I kissed her in the hall.
Child’un, child’un, follow me!
Oh Golly, said the cook, is he gwine to kiss us all?
Halla—Halla—Halla—Hallelujah!
The Gurkhas were pouring through the left
gorge and over the heights at the double to the
invitation of their Regimental Quick-step. The
black rocks were crowned with dark green spiders
as the bugles gave tongue jubilantly:—
In the morning! In the morning by the bright light!
When Gabriel blows his trumpet in the morning!
The Gurkha rear-companies tripped and
blundered over loose stones. The front-files halted
for a moment to take stock of the valley and to
settle stray boot-laces. Then a happy little sigh
192of contentment soughed down the ranks, and it
was as though the land smiled, for behold there
below was the enemy, and it was to meet them that
the Gurkhas had doubled so hastily. There was
much enemy. There would be amusement. The
little men hitched their kukris well to hand, and
gaped expectantly at their officers as terriers grin
ere the stone is cast for them to fetch. The
Gurkhas’ ground sloped downward to the valley,
and they enjoyed a fair view of the proceedings.
They sat upon the boulders to watch, for their
officers were not going to waste their wind in
assisting to repulse a Ghazi rush more than half a
mile away. Let the white men look to their own
front.
‘Hi! yi!’ said the Subadar-Major, who was
sweating profusely. ‘Dam fools yonder, stand
close order! This is no time for close order, it
is the time for volleys. Ugh!’
Horrified, amused, and indignant, the Gurkhas
beheld the retirement of the Fore and Aft with a
running chorus of oaths and commentaries.
‘They run! The white men run! Colonel
Sahib, may we also do a little running?’ murmured
Runbir Thappa, the Senior Jemadar.
But the Colonel would have none of it. ‘Let
the beggars be cut up a little,’ said he wrathfully.
‘’Serves ’em right. They’ll be prodded into facing
193round in a minute.’ He looked through his field-glasses,
and caught the glint of an officer’s sword.
‘Beating ’em with the flat—damned conscripts!
How the Ghazis are walking into them!’ said
he.
The Fore and Aft, heading back, bore with
them their officers. The narrowness of the pass
forced the mob into solid formation, and the rear-rank
delivered some sort of a wavering volley.
The Ghazis drew off, for they did not know what
reserves the gorge might hide. Moreover, it was
never wise to chase white men too far. They
returned as wolves return to cover, satisfied with
the slaughter that they had done, and only stopping
to slash at the wounded on the ground. A quarter
of a mile had the Fore and Aft retreated, and
now, jammed in the pass, was quivering with pain,
shaken and demoralised with fear, while the officers,
maddened beyond control, smote the men with the
hilts and the flats of their swords.
‘Get back! Get back, you cowards—you
women! Right about face—column of companies,
form—you hounds!’ shouted the Colonel, and the
subalterns swore aloud. But the Regiment wanted
to go—to go anywhere out of the range of those
merciless knives. It swayed to and fro irresolutely
with shouts and outcries, while from the right the
Gurkhas dropped volley after volley of cripple-stopper
194Snider bullets at long range into the mob
of the Ghazis returning to their own troops.
The Fore and Aft Band, though protected from
direct fire by the rocky knoll under which it had
sat down, fled at the first rush. Jakin and Lew
would have fled also, but their short legs left them
fifty yards in the rear, and by the time the Band
had mixed with the regiment, they were painfully
aware that they would have to close in alone and
unsupported.
‘Get back to that rock,’ gasped Jakin. ‘They
won’t see us there.’
And they returned to the scattered instruments
of the Band, their hearts nearly bursting their
ribs.
‘Here’s a nice show for us,’ said Jakin, throwing
himself full length on the ground. ‘A bloomin’
fine show for British Infantry! Oh, the devils!
They’ve gone an’ left us alone here! Wot’ll we
do?’
Lew took possession of a cast-off water bottle,
which naturally was full of canteen rum, and drank
till he coughed again.
‘Drink,’ said he shortly. ‘They’ll come back
in a minute or two—you see.’
Jakin drank, but there was no sign of the
regiment’s return. They could hear a dull clamour
from the head of the valley of retreat, and saw the
195Ghazis slink back, quickening their pace as the
Gurkhas fired at them.
‘We’re all that’s left of the Band, an’ we’ll be
cut up as sure as death,’ said Jakin.
‘I’ll die game, then,’ said Lew thickly, fumbling
with his tiny drummer’s sword. The drink was
working on his brain as it was on Jakin’s.
‘’Old on! I know something better than
fightin’,’ said Jakin, ‘stung by the splendour of a
sudden thought’ due chiefly to rum. ‘Tip our
bloomin’ cowards yonder the word to come back.
The Paythan beggars are well away. Come on,
Lew! We won’t get hurt. Take the fife an’ give
me the drum! The Old Step for all your bloomin’
guts are worth! There’s a few of our men coming
back now. Stand up, ye drunken little defaulter.
By your right—quick march!’
He slipped the drum-sling over his shoulder,
thrust the fife into Lew’s hand, and the two boys
marched out of the cover of the rock into the open,
making a hideous hash of the first bars of the
‘British Grenadiers.’
As Lew had said, a few of the Fore and Aft
were coming back sullenly and shamefacedly under
the stimulus of blows and abuse; their red coats
shone at the head of the valley, and behind them
were wavering bayonets. But between this
shattered line and the enemy, who with Afghan
196suspicion feared that the hasty retreat meant an
ambush, and had not moved therefore, lay half
a mile of level ground dotted only by the
wounded.
The tune settled into full swing and the boys
kept shoulder to shoulder, Jakin banging the drum
as one possessed. The one fife made a thin and
pitiful squeaking, but the tune carried far, even to
the Gurkhas.
‘Come on, you dogs!’ muttered Jakin to himself.
‘Are we to play forhever?’ Lew was staring
straight in front of him and marching more stiffly
than ever he had done on parade.
And in bitter mockery of the distant mob, the
old tune of the Old Line shrilled and rattled:—
Some talk of Alexander,
And some of Hercules;
Of Hector and Lysander,
And such great names as these!
There was a far-off clapping of hands from the
Gurkhas, and a roar from the Highlanders in the
distance, but never a shot was fired by British or
Afghan. The two little red dots moved forward
in the open parallel to the enemy’s front.
But of all the world’s great heroes
There’s none that can compare,
With a tow-row-row-row-row-row,
To the British Grenadier!
197The men of the Fore and Aft were gathering
thick at the entrance to the plain. The Brigadier
on the heights far above was speechless with rage.
Still no movement from the enemy. The day
stayed to watch the children.
Jakin halted and beat the long roll of the
Assembly, while the fife squealed despairingly.
‘Right about face! Hold up, Lew, you’re drunk,’
said Jakin. They wheeled and marched back:—
Those heroes of antiquity
Ne’er saw a cannon-ball,
Nor knew the force o’ powder,
‘Here they come!’ said Jakin. ‘Go on, Lew’:—
To scare their foes withal!
The Fore and Aft were pouring out of the valley.
What officers had said to men in that time of shame
and humiliation will never be known; for neither
officers nor men speak of it now.
‘They are coming anew!’ shouted a priest
among the Afghans. ‘Do not kill the boys! Take
them alive, and they shall be of our faith.’
But the first volley had been fired, and Lew
dropped on his face. Jakin stood for a minute,
spun round and collapsed, as the Fore and Aft
came forward, the curses of their officers in their
ears, and in their hearts the shame of open
shame.
198Half the men had seen the drummers die, and
they made no sign. They did not even shout.
They doubled out straight across the plain in open
order, and they did not fire.
‘This,’ said the Colonel of Gurkhas, softly, ‘is
the real attack, as it should have been delivered.
Come on, my children.’
‘Ulu-lu-lu-lu!’ squealed the Gurkhas, and came
down with a joyful clicking of kukris—those vicious
Gurkha knives.
On the right there was no rush. The Highlanders,
cannily commending their souls to God
(for it matters as much to a dead man whether he
has been shot in a Border scuffle or at Waterloo),
opened out and fired according to their custom,
that is to say, without heat and without intervals,
while the screw-guns, having disposed of the impertinent
mud fort aforementioned, dropped shell
after shell into the clusters round the flickering
green standards on the heights.
‘Charrging is an unfortunate necessity,’ murmured
the Colour-Sergeant of the right company
of the Highlanders. ‘It makes the men sweer so,
but I am thinkin’ that it will come to a charrge if
these black devils stand much longer. Stewarrt,
man, you’re firing into the eye of the sun, and
he’ll not take any harm for Government ammuneetion.
A foot lower and a great deal slower!
199What are the English doing? They’re very quiet
there in the centre. Running again?’
The English were not running. They were
hacking and hewing and stabbing, for though one
white man is seldom physically a match for an
Afghan in a sheepskin or wadded coat, yet,
through the pressure of many white men behind,
and a certain thirst for revenge in his heart, he
becomes capable of doing much with both ends
of his rifle. The Fore and Aft held their fire till
one bullet could drive through five or six men,
and the front of the Afghan force gave on the
volley. They then selected their men, and slew
them with deep gasps and short hacking coughs,
and groanings of leather belts against strained
bodies, and realised for the first time that an
Afghan attacked is far less formidable than an
Afghan attacking: which fact old soldiers might
have told them.
But they had no old soldiers in their ranks.
The Gurkhas’ stall at the bazar was the noisiest,
for the men were engaged—to a nasty noise as of
beef being cut on the block—with the kukri, which
they preferred to the bayonet; well knowing how
the Afghan hates the half-moon blade.
As the Afghans wavered, the green standards
on the mountain moved down to assist them in a
last rally. This was unwise. The Lancers chafing
200in the right gorge had thrice despatched their only
subaltern as galloper to report on the progress of
affairs. On the third occasion he returned, with a
bullet-graze on his knee, swearing strange oaths in
Hindustani, and saying that all things were ready.
So that Squadron swung round the right of the
Highlanders with a wicked whistling of wind in
the pennons of its lances, and fell upon the remnant
just when, according to all the rules of war, it
should have waited for the foe to show more signs
of wavering.
But it was a dainty charge, deftly delivered, and
it ended by the Cavalry finding itself at the head
of the pass by which the Afghans intended to
retreat; and down the track that the lances had
made streamed two companies of the Highlanders,
which was never intended by the Brigadier. The
new development was successful. It detached the
enemy from his base as a sponge is torn from a
rock, and left him ringed about with fire in that
pitiless plain. And as a sponge is chased round
the bath-tub by the hand of the bather, so were
the Afghans chased till they broke into little
detachments much more difficult to dispose of
than large masses.
‘See!’ quoth the Brigadier. ‘Everything has
come as I arranged. We’ve cut their base, and
now we’ll bucket ’em to pieces.’
201A direct hammering was all that the Brigadier
had dared to hope for, considering the size of the
force at his disposal; but men who stand or fall by
the errors of their opponents may be forgiven for
turning Chance into Design. The bucketing went
forward merrily. The Afghan forces were upon
the run—the run of wearied wolves who snarl and
bite over their shoulders. The red lances dipped
by twos and threes, and, with a shriek, up rose the
lance-butt, like a spar on a stormy sea, as the
trooper cantering forward cleared his point. The
Lancers kept between their prey and the steep
hills, for all who could were trying to escape from
the valley of death. The Highlanders gave the
fugitives two hundred yards’ law, and then brought
them down, gasping and choking, ere they could
reach the protection of the boulders above. The
Gurkhas followed suit; but the Fore and Aft were
killing on their own account, for they had penned
a mass of men between their bayonets and a wall
of rock, and the flash of the rifles was lighting the
wadded coats.
‘We cannot hold them, Captain Sahib!’ panted
a Ressaldar of Lancers. ‘Let us try the carbine.
The lance is good, but it wastes time.’
They tried the carbine, and still the enemy
melted away—fled up the hills by hundreds when
there were only twenty bullets to stop them. On
202the heights the screw-guns ceased firing—they had
run out of ammunition—and the Brigadier groaned,
for the musketry fire could not sufficiently smash
the retreat. Long before the last volleys were
fired the doolies were out in force looking for the
wounded. The battle was over, and, but for want
of fresh troops, the Afghans would have been
wiped off the earth. As it was they counted their
dead by hundreds, and nowhere were the dead
thicker than in the track of the Fore and Aft.
But the Regiment did not cheer with the Highlanders,
nor did they dance uncouth dances with
the Gurkhas among the dead. They looked under
their brows at the Colonel as they leaned upon
their rifles and panted.
‘Get back to camp, you. Haven’t you disgraced
yourself enough for one day! Go and
look to the wounded. It’s all you’re fit for,’ said
the Colonel. Yet for the past hour the Fore and
Aft had been doing all that mortal commander
could expect. They had lost heavily because they
did not know how to set about their business
with proper skill, but they had borne themselves
gallantly, and this was their reward.
A young and sprightly Colour-Sergeant, who
had begun to imagine himself a hero, offered his
water bottle to a Highlander, whose tongue was
black with thirst. ‘I drink with no cowards,’
203answered the youngster huskily, and, turning to
a Gurkha, said, ‘Hya, Johnny! Drink water got
it?’ The Gurkha grinned and passed his bottle.
The Fore and Aft said no word.
They went back to camp when the field of
strife had been a little mopped up and made
presentable, and the Brigadier, who saw himself
a Knight in three months, was the only soul who
was complimentary to them. The Colonel was
heart-broken, and the officers were savage and
sullen.
‘Well,’ said the Brigadier, ‘they are young
troops of course, and it was not unnatural that
they should retire in disorder for a bit.’
‘Oh, my only Aunt Maria!’ murmured a
junior Staff Officer. ‘Retire in disorder! It was
a bally run!’
‘But they came again, as we all know,’ cooed
the Brigadier, the Colonel’s ashy-white face before
him, ‘and they behaved as well as could possibly
be expected. Behaved beautifully, indeed. I was
watching them. It’s not a matter to take to heart,
Colonel. As some German General said of his
men, they wanted to be shooted over a little, that
was all.’ To himself he said—‘Now they’re
blooded I can give ’em responsible work. It’s as
well that they got what they did. ’Teach ’em
more than half-a-dozen rifle flirtations, that will—later—run
204alone and bite. Poor old Colonel,
though.’
All that afternoon the heliograph winked and
flickered on the hills, striving to tell the good news
to a mountain forty miles away. And in the evening
there arrived, dusty, sweating, and sore, a
misguided Correspondent who had gone out to
assist at a trumpery village-burning, and who had
read off the message from afar, cursing his luck
the while.
‘Let’s have the details somehow—as full as ever
you can, please. It’s the first time I’ve ever been
left this campaign,’ said the Correspondent to the
Brigadier, and the Brigadier, nothing loath, told
him how an Army of Communication had been
crumpled up, destroyed, and all but annihilated by
the craft, strategy, wisdom, and foresight of the
Brigadier.
But some say, and among these be the Gurkhas
who watched on the hillside, that that battle was
won by Jakin and Lew, whose little bodies were
borne up just in time to fit two gaps at the head
of the big ditch-grave for the dead under the heights
of Jagai.
Printed by R. & R. Clark, Limited, Edinburgh.
26 Vols. 16mo.
Blue Cloth. 2s. 6d. net per Vol.
The volumes are printed in an old-style
type designed after an old Venetian model
and known as the Dolphin Type. They
will be issued in the following order:—
| Plain Tales from the Hills. 2 Vols. |
1914 November |
| Soldiers Three. 2 Vols. |
| |
| Wee Willie Winkie. 2 Vols. |
December |
| From Sea to Sea. 4 Vols. |
| |
| Life’s Handicap. 2 Vols. |
1915 January |
| The Light that Failed. 2 Vols. |
| |
| The Naulahka. 2 Vols. |
February |
| Many Inventions. 2 Vols. |
| |
| The Day’s Work. 2 Vols. |
March |
| Kim. 2 Vols. |
| |
| Traffics and Discoveries. 2 Vols. |
April |
| Actions and Reactions. 2 Vols. |
MACMILLAN AND CO., Ltd., LONDON.
THE WORKS OF RUDYARD KIPLING.
UNIFORM EDITION.
Extra Crown 8vo. Red Cloth, with Gilt Tops. 6s. each.
POCKET EDITION.
Fcap 8vo. Printed on Thin Paper. With Gilt Edges. In Scarlet Limp Leather, 5s. net; in Blue Cloth, 4s. 6d. net per Volume.
PLAIN TALES FROM THE HILLS. Seventy-ninth Thousand.
LIFE’S HANDICAP. Being Stories of Mine Own People.
Sixty-sixth Thousand.
MANY INVENTIONS. Sixty-second Thousand.
THE LIGHT THAT FAILED. Seventy-eighth Thousand.
WEE WILLIE WINKIE, and other Stories. Fortieth Thousand.
SOLDIERS THREE, and other Stories. Forty-fifth Thousand.
“CAPTAINS COURAGEOUS.” A Story of the Grand
Banks. Illustrated by I. W. Taber. Forty-eighth Thousand.
THE JUNGLE BOOK. With Illustrations by J. L. Kipling, W. H.
Drake, and P. Frenzeny. One-hundred-and-Thirty-Fourth Thousand.
THE DAY’S WORK. Eighty-sixth Thousand.
THE SECOND JUNGLE BOOK. With Illustrations by J. Lockwood
Kipling. Seventy-fifth Thousand.
STALKY & CO. Fifty-ninth Thousand.
FROM SEA TO SEA. Letters of Travel. In Two Vols.
Twenty-ninth Thousand.
THE NAULAHKA. A Story of West and East. By Rudyard
Kipling and Wolcott Balestier. Twenty-fifth Thousand.
KIM. Illustrated by J. Lockwood Kipling. Ninety-seventh Thousand.
JUST SO STORIES FOR LITTLE CHILDREN. Illustrated by
the Author. Eighty-third Thousand.
TRAFFICS AND DISCOVERIES. Forty-sixth Thousand.
PUCK OF POOK’S HILL. With Illustrations by H. R. Millar.
Forty-ninth Thousand.
ACTIONS AND REACTIONS. Forty-fifth Thousand.
REWARDS AND FAIRIES. With Illustrations by Frank Craig.
Forty-third Thousand.
SONGS FROM BOOKS. Uniform with Poetical Works. Crown 8vo.
6s. Pocket Edition. Fcap. 8vo. Cloth, 4s. 6d. net. Leather, 5s. net.
Edition de Luxe. 8vo. 10s. 6d. net.
Also issued in Special Binding for Presentation. Extra Gilt Cloth, Gilt Edges. Price 6s. each.
SOLDIER TALES. With Illustrations by A. S. Hartrick. Fourteenth
Thousand.
THE JUNGLE BOOK. Illustrated.
THE SECOND JUNGLE BOOK. Illustrated.
“CAPTAINS COURAGEOUS.” Illustrated.
MACMILLAN AND CO., Ltd., LONDON.
- Silently corrected typographical errors and variations in spelling.
- Archaic, non-standard, and uncertain spellings retained as printed.