Circular Letter of the proposed Catechetical Professor Attila
Schmelzle to his Friends; containing some Account of a Holidays'
Journey to Flätz, with an Introduction, touching his Plight and his
Courage as former Army-chaplain.
Nothing can be more ludicrous, my esteemed Friends, than to hear people
stigmatising a man as cowardly and hare-hearted, who perhaps is
struggling all the while with precisely the opposite faults, those of a
lion; though indeed the African lion himself, since the time of
Sparrmann's Travels, passes among us for a poltroon. Yet this case is
mine, worthy Friends; and I purpose to say a few words thereupon, before
describing my Journey.
You in truth are all aware that, directly in the teeth of this calumny,
it is courage, it is desperadoes (provided they be not braggarts and
tumultuous persons), whom I chiefly venerate; for example, my
brother-in-law, the Dragoon, who never in his life bastinadoed one man,
but always a whole social circle at the same time. How truculent was my
fancy, even in childhood, when I, as the parson was toning away to the
silent congregation, used to take it into my head: "How now, if thou
shouldst start up from the pew, and shout aloud: I am here too, Mr.
Parson!" and to paint out this thought in such glowing colours, that for
very dread, I have often been obliged to leave the church! Anything like
Rugenda's battle-pieces; horrid murder-tumults, sea-fights or Stormings
of Toulon, exploding fleets; and, in my childhood, Battles of Prague on
the harpsichord; nay, in short, every map of any remarkable scene of
war: these are perhaps too much my favourite objects; and I read—and
purchase nothing sooner; and doubtless, they might lead me into many
errors, were it not that, my circumstances restrain me. Now, if it be
objected that true courage is something higher than mere thinking and
willing, then you, my worthy Friends, will be the first to recognise
mine, when it shall break forth into, not barren and empty, but active
and effective words, while I strengthen my future Catechetical Pupils,
as well as can be done in a course of College Lectures, and steel them
into Christian heroes.
103: Good princes easily obtain good subjects; not so easily good
subjects good princes: thus Adam, in the state of innocence, ruled over
animals all tame and gentle, till simply through his means they fell and
grew savage.
5: For a good Physician saves, if not always from the disease, at
least from a bad Physician.
It is well known that, out of care for the preservation of my life, I
never walk within at least ten fields of any shore full of bathers or
swimmers; merely because I foresee to a certainty, that in case one of
them were drowning, I should that moment (for the heart overbalances the
head) plunge after the fool to save him, into some bottomless depth or
other, where we should both perish. And if dreaming is the reflex of
waking, let me ask you, true Hearts, if you have forgotten my relating
to you dreams of mine, which no Cæsar, no Alexander or Luther, need have
felt ashamed of? Have I not, to mention a few instances, taken Rome by
storm; and done battle with the Pope, and the whole elephantine body of
the Cardinal College, at one and the same time? Did I not once on
horseback, while simply looking at a review of military, dash headlong
into a bataillon quarré; and then capture, in Aix-la-Chapelle, the
Peruke of Charlemagne, for which the town pays yearly ten reichsthalers
of barber-money; and carrying it off to Halberstadt and Herr Gleim's,
there in like manner seize the Great Frederick's Hat; put both Peruke
and Hat on my head, and yet return home, after I had stormed their
batteries, and turned the cannon against the cannoneers themselves? Did
I not once submit to be made a Jew of, and then be regaled with hams;
though they were ape-hams on the Orinocco (see Humboldt)? And a thousand
such things; for I have thrown the Consistorial President of Flätz; out
of the Palace window; those alarm-fulminators, sold by Heinrich Backofen
in Gotha, at six groschen the dozen, and each going off like a cannon, I
have listened to so calmly that the fulminators did not even awaken me;
and more of the like sort.
But enough! It is now time briefly to touch that farther slander of my
chaplainship, which unhappily has likewise gained some circulation in
Flätz, but which, as Cæsar did Alexander, I shall now by my touch
dissipate into dust. Be what truth in it there can, it is still little
or nothing. Your great Minister and General in Flätz (perhaps the very
greatest in the world, for there are not many Schabackers) may indeed,
like any other great man, be turned against me, but not with the
Artillery of Truth; for this Artillery I here set before you, my good
Hearts, and do you but fire it off for my advantage! The matter is this:
Certain foolish rumours are afloat in the Flätz country, that I, on
occasion of some important battles, took leg-bail (such is their
plebeian phrase), and that afterwards, on the chaplain's being
called-for to preach a Thanksgiving sermon for the victory, no chaplain
whatever was to be found. The ridiculousness of this story will best
appear, when I tell you that I never was in any action; but have always
been accustomed, several hours prior to such an event, to withdraw so
many miles to the rear, that our men, so soon as they were beaten, would
be sure to find me. A good retreat is reckoned the masterpiece in the
art of war; and at no time can a retreat be executed with such order,
force and security, as just before the battle, when you are not yet
beaten.
100: In books lie the Phœnix-ashes of a past Millennium and
Paradise; but War blows, and much ashes are scattered away.
102: Dear Political or Religious Inquisitor! art thou aware that
Turin tapers never rightly begin shining, till thou breakest them, and
then they take fire?
It is true, I might perhaps, as expectant Professor of Catechetics, sit
still and smile at such nugatory speculations on my courage; for if by
Socratic questioning I can hammer my future Catechist Pupils into the
habit of asking questions in their turn, I shall thereby have tempered
them into heroes, seeing they have nothing to fight with but
children—(Catechists at all events, though dreading fire, have no
reason to dread light, since in our days, as in London illuminations, it
is only the unlighted windows that are battered in; whereas, in other
ages, it was with nations and light, as it is with dogs and water; if
you give them none for a long time, they at last get a horror at
it);—and on the whole, for Catechists, any park looks kindlier, and
smiles more sweetly, than a sulphurous park of artillery; and the
Warlike Foot, which the age is placed on, is to them the true Devil's
cloven-foot of human nature.
But for my part I think not so: almost as if the party-spirit influence
of my christian name, Attila, had passed into me more strongly than was
proper, I feel myself impelled still farther to prove my courageousness;
which, dearest Friends! I shall here in a few lines again do. This
proof I could manage by mere inferences and learned citations. For
example, if Galen remarks that animals with large hind-quarters are
timid, I have nothing to do but turn round, and show the enemy my back,
and what is under it, in order to convince him that I am not deficient
in valour, but in flesh. Again, if by well-known experiences it has been
found that flesh-eating produces courage, I can evince, that in this
particular I yield to no officer of the service; though it is the habit
of these gentlemen not only to run up long scores of roast-meat with
their landlords, but also to leave them unpaid, that so at every hour
they may have an open document in the hands of the enemy himself (the
landlord), testifying that they have eaten their own share (with some of
other people's too), and so put common butcher's-meat on a War-footing,
living not like others by bravery, but for bravery. As little have I
ever, in my character of chaplain, shrunk from comparison with any
officer in the regiment, who may be a true lion, and so snatch every
sort of plunder, but yet, like this King of the Beasts, is afraid of
fire; or who,—like King James of England, that scampered off at sight
of drawn swords, yet so much the more gallantly, before all Europe, went
out against the storming Luther with book and pen,[2]—does, from a
similar idiosyncrasy, attack all warlike armaments, both by word and
writing. And here I recollect with satisfaction a brave sub-lieutenant,
whose confessor I was (he still owes me the confession-money), and who,
in respect of stout-heartedness, had in him perhaps something of that
Indian dog which Alexander had presented to him, as a sort of
Dog-Alexander. By way of trying this crack dog, the Macedonian made
various heroic or heraldic beasts be let loose against him: first a
stag; but the dog lay still: then a sow; he lay still: then a bear; he
lay still. Alexander was on the point of condemning him; when a lion was
let forth: the dog rose, and tore the lion in pieces. So likewise the
sub-lieutenant. A challenger, a foreign enemy, a Frenchman, are to him
only stag, and sow, and bear, and he lies still in his place; but let
his oldest enemy, his creditor, come and knock at his gate, and demand
of him actual smart-money for long bygone pleasures, thus presuming to
rob him both of past and present; the sub-lieutenant rises, and throws
his creditor down stairs. I, alas, am still standing by the sow; and
thus, naturally enough, misunderstood.
86: Very true! In youth we love and enjoy the most ill-assorted
friends, perhaps more than, in old age, the best-assorted.
128: In Love there are Summer Holidays; but in Marriage also there
are Winter Holidays, I hope.
143: Women have weekly at least one active and passive day of
glory, the holy day, the Sunday. The higher ranks alone have more
Sundays than workdays; as in great towns, you can celebrate your Sunday
on Friday with the Turks, on Saturday with the Jews, and on Sunday with
yourself.
Quo, says Livy, xii. 5, and with great justice, quo timoris minus
est, eo minus ferme periculi est, The less fear you have, the less
danger you are likely to be in. With equal justice I invert the maxim,
and say: The less the danger, the smaller the fear; nay, there may be
situations, in which one has absolutely no knowledge of fear; and, among
these, mine is to be reckoned. The more hateful, therefore, must that
calumny about hare-heartedness appear to me.
To my Holidays' Journey I shall prefix a few facts, which prove how
easily foresight—that is to say, when a person would not resemble the
stupid marmot, that will even attack a man on horseback—may pass for
cowardice. For the rest, I wish only that I could with equal ease wipe
away a quite different reproach, that of being a foolhardy desperado;
though I trust, in the sequel, I shall be able to advance some facts
which invalidate it.
What boots the heroic arm, without a hero's eye? The former readily
grows stronger and more nervous; but the latter is not so soon ground
sharper, like glasses. Nevertheless, the merits of foresight obtain from
the mass of men less admiration (nay, I should say, more ridicule) than
those of courage. Whoso, for instance, shall see me walking under quite
cloudless skies, with a wax-cloth umbrella over me, to him I shall
probably appear ridiculous, so long as he is not aware that I carry this
umbrella as a thunder-screen, to keep off any bolt out of the blue
heaven (whereof there are several examples in the history of the Middle
Ages) from striking me to death. My thunder-screen, in fact, is exactly
that of Reimarus: on a long walking-stick, I carry the wax-cloth roof;
from the peak of which depends a string of gold-lace as a conductor; and
this, by means of a key fastened to it, which it trails along the
ground, will lead off every possible bolt, and easily distribute it over
the whole superficies of the Earth. With this Paratonnerre Portatif
in my hand, I can walk about for weeks, under the clear sky, without the
smallest danger. This Diving-bell, moreover, protects me against
something else; against shot. For who, in the latter end of Harvest,
will give me black on white that no lurking ninny of a sportsman
somewhere, when I am out enjoying Nature, shall so fire off his piece,
at an angle of 45°, that in falling down again, the shot needs only
light directly on my crown, and so come to the same as if I had been
shot through the brain from a side?
21: Schiller and Klopstock are Poetic Mirrors held up to the
Sun-god: the Mirrors reflect the Sun with such dazzling brightness, that
you cannot find the Picture of the World imaged forth in them.
It is bad enough, at any rate, that we have nothing to guard us from the
Moon; which at present is bombarding us with stones like a very Turk:
for this paltry little Earth's trainbearer and errand-maid thinks, in
these rebellious times, that she too must begin, forsooth, to sling
somewhat against her Mother! In good truth, as matters stand, any young
Catechist of feeling may go out o' nights, with whole limbs, into the
moonshine, a-meditating; and ere long (in the midst of his meditation
the villanous Satellite hits him) come home a pounded jelly. By heaven!
new proofs of courage are required of us on every hand! No sooner have
we, with great effort, got thunder-rods manufactured, and comet-tails
explained away, than the enemy opens new batteries in the Moon, or
somewhere else in the Blue!
Suffice one other story to manifest how ludicrous the most serious
foresight, with all imaginable inward courage, often externally appears
in the eyes of the many. Equestrians are well acquainted with the
dangers of a horse that runs away. My evil star would have it, that I
should once in Vienna get upon a hack-horse; a pretty enough
honey-coloured nag, but old and hard-mouthed as Satan; so that the
beast, in the next street, went off with me; and this in truth—only at
a walk. No pulling, no tugging, took effect; I, at last, on the back
of this Self-riding-horse, made signals of distress, and cried: "Stop
him, good people, for God's sake stop him, my horse is off!" But these
simple persons seeing the beast move along as slowly as a Reichshofrath
law-suit, or the Daily Postwagen, could not in the least understand the
matter, till I cried as if possessed: "Stop him then, ye blockheads and
joltheads; don't you see that I cannot hold the nag?" But now, to these
noodles, the sight of a hard-mouthed horse going off with its rider step
by step, seemed ridiculous rather than otherwise; half Vienna gathered
itself like a comet-tail behind my beast and me. Prince Kaunitz, the
best horseman of the century (the last), pulled up to follow me. I
myself sat and swam like a perpendicular piece of drift-ice on my
honey-coloured nag, which stalked on, on, step by step: a many-cornered,
red-coated letter-carrier, was delivering his letters, to the right and
left, in the various stories, and he still crossed over before me again,
with satirical features, because the nag went along too slowly. The
Schwanzschleuderer, or Train-dasher (the person, as you know, who drives
along the streets with a huge barrel of water, and besplashes them with
a leathern pipe of three ells long from an iron trough), came across the
haunches of my horse, and, in the course of his duty, wetted both these
and myself in a very cooling manner, though, for my part, I had too much
cold sweat on me already, to need any fresh refrigeration. On my
infernal Trojan Horse (only I myself was Troy, not beridden but riding
to destruction), I arrived at Malzlein (a suburb of Vienna), or perhaps,
so confused were my senses, it might be quite another range of streets.
At last, late in the dusk, I had to turn into the Prater; and here, long
after the Evening Gun, to my horror, and quite against the police-rules,
keep riding to and fro on my honey-coloured nag; and possibly I might
even have passed the night on him, had not my brother-in-law, the
Dragoon, observed my plight, and so found me still sitting firm as a
rock on my runaway steed. He made no ceremonies; caught the brute; and
put the pleasant question: Why I had not vaulted, and come off by
ground-and-lofty tumbling? though he knew full well, that for this a
wooden-horse, which stands still, is requisite. However, he took me
down; and so, after all this riding, horse and man got home with whole
skins and unbroken bones.
But now at last to my Journey!
34: Women are like precious carved works of ivory; nothing is
whiter and smoother, and nothing sooner grows yellow.
72: The Half-learned is adored by the Quarter-learned; the latter
by the Sixteenth-part-learned; and so on; but not the Whole-learned by
the Half-learned.
Journey to Flätz.
You are aware, my friends, that this Journey to Flätz was necessarily to
take place in Vacation time; not only because the Cattle-market, and
consequently the Minister and General von Schabacker, was there then;
but more especially, because the latter (as I had it positively from a
private hand) did annually, on the 23d of July, the market-eve, about
five o'clock, become so full of gaudium and graciousness, that in many
cases he did not so much snarl on people, as listen to them, and grant
their prayers. The cause of this gaudium I had rather not trust to
paper. In short, my Petition, praying that he would be pleased to
indemnify and reward me, as an unjustly deposed Army-chaplain, by a
Catechetical Professorship, could plainly be presented to him at no
better season, than exactly about five o'clock in the evening of the
first dog-day. In less than a week, I had finished writing my Petition.
As I spared neither summaries nor copies of it, I had soon got so far as
to see the relatively best lying completed before me; when, to my
terror, I observed, that, in this paper, I had introduced above thirty
dashes, or breaks, in the middle of my sentences! Nowadays, alas,
these stings shoot forth involuntarily from learned pens, as from the
tails of wasps. I debated long within myself whether a private scholar
could justly be entitled to approach a minister with dashes,—greatly as
this level interlineation of thoughts, these horizontal note-marks of
poetical music-pieces, and these rope-ladders or Achilles' tendons of
philosophical see-pieces, are at present fashionable and
indispensable: but, at last, I was obliged (as erasures may offend
people of quality) to write my best proof-petition over again; and then
to afflict myself for another quarter of an hour over the name Attila
Schmelzle, seeing it is always my principle that this and the address of
the letter, the two cardinal points of the whole, can never be written
legibly enough.
35: Bien écouter c'est presque répondre, says Marivaux justly of
social circles: but I extend it to round Councillor-tables and
Cabinet-tables, where reports are made, and the Prince listens.
First Stage; from Neusattel to Vierstädten.
The 22d of July, or Wednesday, about five in the afternoon, was now, by
the way-bill of the regular Post-coach, irrevocably fixed for my
departure. I had still half a day to order my house; from which, for two
nights and two days and a half, my breast, its breastwork and palisado,
was now, along with my Self, to be withdrawn. Besides this, my good wife
Bergelchen, as I call my Teutoberga, was immediately to travel after me,
on Friday the 24th, in order to see and to make purchases at the yearly
Fair; nay, she was ready to have gone along with me, the faithful
spouse. I therefore assembled my little knot of domestics, and
promulgated to them the Household Law and Valedictory Rescript, which,
after my departure, in the first place before the outset of my wife,
and in the second place after this outset, they had rigorously to
obey; explaining to them especially whatever, in case of conflagrations,
house-breakings, thunder-storms, or transits of troops, it would behove
them to do. To my wife I delivered an inventory of the best goods in our
little Registership; which goods she, in case the house took fire, had,
in the first place, to secure. I ordered her, in stormy nights (the
peculiar thief-weather), to put our Eolian harp in the window, that so
any villanous prowler might imagine I was fantasying on my instrument,
and therefore awake: for like reasons, also, to take the house-dog
within doors by day, that he might sleep then, and so be livelier at
night. I farther counselled her to have an eye on the focus of every
knot in the panes of the stable-window, nay, on every glass of water she
might set down in the house; as I had already often recounted to her
examples of such accidental burning-glasses having set whole buildings
in flames. I then appointed her the hour when she was to set out on
Friday morning to follow me; and recapitulated more emphatically the
household precepts, which, prior to her departure, she must afresh
inculcate on her domestics. My dear, heart-sound, blooming Berga
answered her faithful lord, as it seemed very seriously: "Go thy ways,
little old one; it shall all be done as smooth as velvet. Wert thou but
away! There is no end of thee!" Her brother, my brother-in-law the
Dragoon, for whom, out of complaisance, I had paid the coach-fare, in
order to have in the vehicle along with me a stout swordsman and hector,
as spiritual relative and bully-rock, so to speak; the Dragoon, I say,
on hearing these my regulations, puckered up (which I easily forgave the
wild soldier and bachelor) his sunburnt face considerably into ridicule,
and said: "Were I in thy place, sister, I should do what I liked, and
then afterwards take a peep into these regulation-papers of his."
17: The Bed of Honour, since so frequently whole regiments lie on
it, and receive their last unction, and last honour but one, really
ought from time to time to be new-filled, beaten and sunned.
120: Many a one becomes a free-spoken Diogenes, not when he dwells
in the Cask, but when the Cask dwells in him.
3: Culture makes whole lands, for instance Germany, Gaul, and
others, physically warmer, but spiritually colder.
"O!" answered I, "misfortune may conceal itself like a scorpion in any
corner: I might say, we are like children, who, looking at their gaily
painted toy-box, soon pull off the lid, and, pop! out springs a mouse
who has young ones."
"Mouse, mouse!" said he, stepping up and down. "But, good brother, it is
five o'clock; and you will find, when you return, that all looks exactly
as it does today; the dog like the dog, and my sister like a pretty
woman: allons donc!" It was purely his blame that I, fearing his
misconceptions, had not previously made a sort of testament.
I now packed-in two different sorts of medicines, heating as well as
cooling, against two different possibilities; also my old splints for
arm or leg breakages, in case the coach overset; and (out of foresight)
two times the money I was likely to need. Only here I could have wished,
so uncertain is the stowage of such things, that I had been an Ape with
cheek-pouches, or some sort of Opossum with a natural bag, that so I
might have reposited these necessaries of existence in pockets which
were sensitive. Shaving is a task I always go through before setting out
on journeys; having a rational mistrust against stranger bloodthirsty
barbers: but, on this occasion, I retained my beard; since, however
close shaved, it would have grown again by the road to such a length
that I could have fronted no Minister and General with it.
With a vehement emotion, I threw myself on the pith-heart of my Berga,
and, with a still more vehement one, tore myself away: in her, however,
this our first marriage-separation seemed to produce less lamentation
than triumph, less consternation than rejoicing; simply because she
turned her eye not half so much on the parting, as on the meeting, and
the journey after me, and the wonders of the Fair. Yet she threw and
hung herself on my somewhat long and thin neck and body, almost
painfully, being indeed a too fleshy and weighty load, and said to me:
"Whisk thee off quick, my charming Attel (Attila), and trouble thy head
with no cares by the way, thou singular man! A whiff or two of ill luck
we can stand, by God's help, so long as my father is no beggar. And for
thee, Franz," continued she, turning with some heat to her brother, "I
leave my Attel on thy soul: thou well knowest, thou wild fly, what I
will do, if thou play the fool, and leave him anywhere in the lurch."
Her meaning here was good, and I could not take it ill: to you also, my
Friends, her wealth and her open-heartedness are nothing new.
1: The more Weakness the more Lying: Force goes straight; any
cannonball with holes or cavities in it goes crooked.
Melted into sensibility, I said: "Now, Berga, if there be a reunion
appointed for us, surely it is either in Heaven or in Flätz; and I hope
in God, the latter." With these words, we whirled stoutly away. I looked
round through the back-window of the coach at my good little village of
Neusattel, and it seemed to me, in my melting mood, as if its steeples
were rising aloft like an epitaphium over my life, or over my body,
perhaps to return a lifeless corpse. "How will it all be," thought I,
"when thou at last, after two or three days, comest back?" And now I
noticed my Bergelchen looking after us from the garret-window. I leaned
far out from the coach-door, and her falcon eye instantly distinguished
my head; kiss on kiss she threw with both hands after the carriage, as
it rolled down into the valley. "Thou true-hearted wife," thought I,
"how is thy lowly birth, by thy spiritual new-birth, made forgettable,
nay remarkable!"
I must confess, the assemblage and conversational picnic of the
stage-coach was much less to my taste: the whole of them suspicious,
unknown rabble, whom (as markets usually do) the Flätz cattle-market was
alluring by its scent. I dislike becoming acquainted with strangers: not
so my brother-in-law, the Dragoon; who now, as he always does, had in a
few minutes elbowed himself into close quarters with the whole
ragamuffin posse of them. Beside me sat a person who, in all human
probability, was a Harlot; on her breast, a Dwarf intending to exhibit
himself at the Fair; on the other side was a Ratcatcher gazing at me;
and a Blind Passenger,[3] in a red mantle, had joined us down in the
valley. No one of them, except my brother-in-law, pleased me. That
rascals among these people would not study me and my properties and
accidents, to entangle me in their snares, no man could be my surety.
In strange places, I even, out of prudence, avoid looking long up at any
jail-window; because some losel, sitting behind the bars, may in a
moment call down out of mere malice: "How goes it, comrade Schmelzle?"
or farther, because any lurking catchpole may fancy I am planning a
rescue for some confederate above. From another sort of prudence, little
different from this, I also make a point of never turning round when any
booby calls, Thief! behind me.
38: Epictetus advises us to travel, because our old acquaintances,
by the influence of shame, impede our transition to higher virtues; as a
bashful man will rather lay aside his provincial accent in some foreign
quarter, and then return wholly purified to his own countrymen: in our
days, people of rank and virtue follow this advice, but inversely; and
travel because their old acquaintances, by the influence of shame, would
too much deter them from new sins.
As to the Dwarf himself, I had no objection to his travelling with me
whithersoever he pleased; but he thought to raise a particular
delectation in our minds, by promising that his Pollux and Brother in
Trade, an extraordinary Giant, who was also making for the Fair to
exhibit himself, would by midnight, with his elephantine pace,
infallibly overtake the coach, and plant himself among us, or behind on
the outside. Both these noodles, it appeared, are in the habit of going
in company to fairs, as reciprocal exaggerators of opposite magnitudes:
the Dwarf is the convex magnifying-glass of the Giant, the Giant the
concave diminishing-glass of the Dwarf. Nobody expressed much joy at the
prospective arrival of this Anti-dwarf, except my brother-in-law, who
(if I may venture on a play of words) seems made, like a clock, solely
for the purpose of striking, and once actually said to me: "That if in
the Upper world he could not get a soul to curry and towzle by a time,
he would rather go to the Under, where most probably there would be
plenty of cuffing and to spare." The Ratcatcher, besides the
circumstance that no man can prepossess us much in his favour, who lives
solely by poisoning, like this Destroying Angel of rats, this
mouse-Atropos; and also, which is still worse, that such a fellow bids
fair to become an increaser of the vermin kingdom, the moment he may
cease to be a lessener of it; besides all this, I say, the present
Ratcatcher had many baneful features about him: first, his stabbing
look, piercing you like a stiletto; then the lean sharp bony visage,
conjoined with his enumeration of his considerable stock of poisons;
then (for I hated him more and more) his sly stillness, his sly smile,
as if in some corner he noticed a mouse, as he would notice a man! To
me, I declare, though usually I take not the slightest exception against
people's looks, it seemed at last as if his throat were a Dog-grotto, a
Grotta del cane, his cheek-bones cliffs and breakers, his hot breath
the wind of a calcining furnace, and his black hairy breast a kiln for
parching and roasting.
32: Our Age (by some called the Paper Age, as if it were made from
the rags of some better-dressed one) is improving in so far, as it now
tears its rags rather into Bandages than into Papers; although, or
because, the Rag-hacker (the Devil as they call it) will not altogether
be at rest. Meanwhile, if Learned Heads transform themselves into Books,
Crowned Heads transform and coin themselves into Government-paper: in
Norway, according to the Universal Indicator, the people have even
paper-houses; and in many good German States, the Exchequer Collegium
(to say nothing of the Justice Collegium) keeps its own paper-mills, to
furnish wrappage enough for the meal of its wind-mills. I could wish,
however, that our Collegiums would take pattern from that Glass
Manufactory at Madrid, in which (according to Baumgartner) there were
indeed nineteen clerks stationed, but also eleven workmen.
Nor was I far wrong, I believe; for soon after this, he began quite
coolly to inform the company, in which were a dwarf and a female, that,
in his time, he had, not without enjoyment, run ten men through the
body; had with great convenience hewed off a dozen men's arms; slowly
split four heads, torn out two hearts, and more of the like sort; while
none of them, otherwise persons of spirit, had in the least resisted:
"but why?" added he, with a poisonous smile, and taking the hat from his
odious bald pate: "I am invulnerable. Let any one of the company that
chooses lay as much fire on my bare crown as he likes, I shall not mind
it."
My brother-in-law, the Dragoon, directly kindled his tinder-box, and put
a heap of the burning matter on the Ratcatcher's pole; but the fellow
stood it, as if it had been a mere picture of fire, and the two looked
expectingly at one another; and the former smiled very foolishly,
saying: "It was simply pleasant to him, like a good warming-plaster; for
this was always the wintry region of his body."
Here the Dragoon groped a little on the naked scull, and cried with
amazement, that "it was as cold as a knee-pan."
But now the fellow, to our horror, after some preparations, actually
lifted off the quarter-scull and held it out to us, saying: "He had
sawed it off a murderer, his own having accidentally been broken;" and
withal explained, that the stabbing and arm-cutting he had talked of was
to be understood as a jest, seeing he had merely done it in the
character of Famulus at an Anatomical Theatre. However, the jester
seemed to rise little in favour with any of us; and for my part, as he
put his brain-lid and sham-scull on again, I thought to myself; "This
dungbed-bell has changed its place indeed, but not the hemlock it was
made to cover."
Farther, I could not but reckon it a suspicious circumstance, that he as
well as all the company (the Blind Passenger too) were making for this
very Flätz, to which I myself was bound: much good I could not expect of
this; and, in truth, turning home again would have been as pleasant to
me as going on, had I not rather felt a pleasure in defying the future.
I come now to the red-mantled Blind Passenger; most probably an Emigré
or Réfugié; for he speaks German not worse than he does French; and
his name, I think, was Jean Pierre or Jean Paul, or some such thing,
if indeed he had any name. His red cloak, notwithstanding this his
identity of colour with the Hangman, would in itself have remained
heartily indifferent to me, had it not been for this singular
circumstance, that he had already five times, contrary to all
expectation, come upon me in five different towns (in great Berlin, in
little Hof, in Coburg, Meiningen and Bayreuth), and each of these times
had looked at me significantly enough, and then gone his ways. Whether
this Jean Pierre is dogging me with hostile intent or not, I cannot
say; but to our fancy, at any rate, no object can be gratifying that
thus, with corps of observation, or out of loopholes, holds and aims at
us with muskets, which for year after year it shall move to this side
and that, without our knowing on whom it is to fire. Still more
offensive did Redcloak become to me, when he began to talk about his
soft mildness of soul; a thing which seemed either to betoken pumping
you or undermining you.
I replied: "Sir, I am just come, with my brother-in-law here, from the
field of battle (the last affair was at Pimpelstadt), and so perhaps am
too much of a humour for fire, pluck and war-fury; and to many a one,
who happens to have a roaring waterspout of a heart, it may be well if
his clerical character (which is mine) rather enjoins on him mildness
than wildness. However, all mildness has its iron limit. If any
thoughtless dog chance to anger me, in the first heat of rage I kick my
foot through him; and after me, my good brother here will perhaps drive
matters twice as far, for he is the man to do it. Perhaps it may be
singular; but I confess I regret to this day, that once when a boy I
received three blows from another, without tightly returning them; and
I often feel as if I must still pay them to his descendants. In sooth,
if I but chance to see a child running off like a dastard from the weak
attack of a child like himself, I cannot for my life understand his
running, and can scarcely keep from interfering to save him by a
decisive knock."
2: In his Prince, a soldier reverences and obeys at once his
Prince and his Generalissimo; a Citizen only his Prince.
The Passenger meanwhile was smiling, not in the best fashion. He gave
himself out for a Legations-Rath, and seemed fox enough for such a post;
but a mad fox will, in the long-run, bite me as rabidly as a mad wolf
will. For the rest, I calmly went on with my eulogy on courage; only
that, instead of ludicrous gasconading, which directly betrays the
coward, I purposely expressed myself in words at once cool, clear and
firm.
"I am altogether for Montaigne's advice," said I: "Fear nothing but
fear."
"I again," replied the Legations-man, with useless wire-drawing, "I
should fear again that I did not sufficiently fear fear, but continued
too dastardly."
"To this fear also," replied I coldly, "I set limits. A man, for
instance, may not in the least believe in, or be afraid of ghosts; and
yet by night may bathe himself in cold sweat, and this purely out of
terror at the dreadful fright he should be in (especially with what
whiffs of apoplexies, falling-sicknesses and so forth, he might be
visited), in case simply his own too vivid fancy should create any wild
fever-image, and hang it up in the air before him."
"One should not, therefore," added my brother-in-law the Dragoon,
contrary to his custom, moralising a little, "one should not bamboozle
the poor sheep, man, with any ghost-tricks; the hen-heart may die on the
spot."
A loud storm of thunder, overtaking the stage-coach, altered the
discourse. You, my Friends, knowing me as a man not quite destitute of
some tincture of Natural Philosophy, will easily guess my precautions
against thunder. I place myself on a chair in the middle of the room
(often, when suspicious clouds are out, I stay whole nights on it), and
by careful removal of all conductors, rings, buckles, and so forth, I
here sit thunder-proof, and listen with a cool spirit to this elemental
music of the cloud-kettledrum. These precautions have never harmed me,
for I am still alive at this date; and to the present hour I
congratulate myself on once hurrying out of church, though I had
confessed but the day previous; and running, without more ceremony, and
before I had received the sacrament, into the charnel-house, because a
heavy thunder-cloud (which did, in fact, strike the churchyard
linden-tree) was hovering over it. So soon as the cloud had disloaded
itself, I returned from the charnel-house into the church, and was happy
enough to come in after the Hangman (usually the last), and so still
participate in the Feast of Love.
45: Our present writers shrug their shoulders most at those on
whose shoulders they stand; and exalt those most who crawl up along
them.
Such, for my own part, is my manner of proceeding: but in the full
stage-coach I met with men to whom Natural Philosophy was no philosophy
at all. For when the clouds gathered dreadfully together over our
coach-canopy, and sparkling, began to play through the air like so many
fire-flies, and I at last could not but request that the sweating
coach-conclave would at least bring out their watches, rings, money and
suchlike, and put them all into one of the carriage-pockets, that none
of us might have a conductor on his body; not only would no one of them
do it, but my own brother-in-law the Dragoon even sprang out, with naked
drawn sword, to the coach-box, and swore that he would conduct the
thunder all away himself. Nor do I know whether this desperate mortal
was not acting prudently; for our position within was frightful, and any
one of us might every moment be a dead man. At last, to crown all, I got
into a half altercation with two of the rude members of our leathern
household, the Poisoner and the Harlot; seeing, by their questions, they
almost gave me to understand that, in our conversational picnic,
especially with the Blind Passenger, I had not always come off with the
best share. Such an imputation wounds your honour to the quick; and in
my breast there was a thunder louder than that above us: however, I was
obliged to carry on the needful exchange of sharp words as quietly and
slowly as possible; and I quarrelled softly, and in a low tone, lest in
the end a whole coachful of people, set in arms against each other,
might get into heat and perspiration; and so, by vapour steaming through
the coach-roof, conduct the too-near thunderbolt down into the midst of
us. At last, I laid before the company the whole theory of Electricity,
in clear words, but low and slow (striving to avoid all emission of
vapour); and especially endeavoured to frighten them away from fear. For
indeed, through fear, the stroke—nay two strokes, the electric or the
apoplectic—might hit any one of us; since in Erxleben and Reimarus, it
is sufficiently proved, that violent fear, by the transpiration it
causes, may attract the lightning. I accordingly, in some fear of my own
and other people's fear, represented to the passengers that now, in a
coach so hot and crowded, with a drawn sword on the coach-box piercing
the very lightning, with the thunder-cloud hanging over us, and even
with so many transpirations from incipient fear; in short, with such
visible danger on every hand, they must absolutely fear nothing, if they
would not, all and sundry, be smitten to death in a few minutes.
103: The Great perhaps take as good charge of their posterity as
the Ants: the eggs once laid, the male and female Ants fly about their
business, and confide them to the trusty working-Ants.
10: And does Life offer us, in regard to our ideal hopes and
purposes, anything but a prosaic, unrhymed, unmetrical Translation?
"O Heaven!" cried I, "Courage! only courage! No fear, not even fear of
fear! Would you have Providence to shoot you here sitting, like so many
hares hunted into a pinfold? Fear, if you like, when you are out of the
coach; fear to your heart's content in other places, where there is less
to be afraid of; only not here, not here!"
I shall not determine—since among millions scarcely one man dies by
thunder-clouds, but millions perhaps by snow-clouds, and rain-clouds,
and thin mist—whether my Coach-sermon could have made any claim to a
prize for man-saving; however, at last, all uninjured, and driving
towards a rainbow, we entered the town of Vierstädten, where dwelt a
Postmaster, in the only street which the place had.
Second Stage; from Vierstädten to Niederschöna.
The Postmaster was a churl and a striker; a class of mortals whom I
inexpressibly detest, as my fancy always whispers to me, in their
presence, that by accident or dislike I might happen to put on a
scornful or impertinent look, and hound these mastiffs on my own throat;
and so, from the very first, I must incessantly watch them. Happily, in
this case (supposing I even had made a wrong face), I could have
shielded myself with the Dragoon; for whose giant force such matter are
a tidbit. This brother-in-law of mine, for example, cannot pass any
tavern where he hears a sound of battle, without entering, and, as he
crosses the threshold, shouting: "Peace, dogs!"—and therewith, under
show of a peace-deputation, he directly snatches up the first chair-leg
in his hand, as if it were an American peace-calumet, and cuts to the
right and left among the belligerent powers, or he gnashes the hard
heads of the parties together (he himself takes no side), catching each
by the hind-lock; in such cases the rogue is in Heaven!
78: Our German frame of Government, cased in its harness, had much
difficulty in moving, for the same reason why Beetles cannot fly, when
their wings have wing-shells, of very sufficient strength,
and—grown together.
8: Constitutions of Government are like highways: on a new and
quite untrodden one, where every carriage helps in the process of
bruising and smoothing, you are as much jolted and pitched as on an old
worn-out one, full of holes? What is to be done then? Travel on.
I, for my part, rather avoid discrepant circles than seek them; as I
likewise avoid all dead or killed people: the prudent man easily
foresees what is to be got by them; either vexatious and injurious
witnessing, or often even (when circumstances conspire) painful
investigation, and suspicions of your being an accomplice.
In Vierstädten, nothing of importance presented itself, except—to my
horror—a dog without tail, which came running along the town or street.
In the first fire of passion at this sight, I pointed it out to the
passengers, and then put the question, Whether they could reckon a
system of Medical Police well arranged, which, like this of Vierstädten,
allowed dogs openly to scour about, when their tails were wanting? "What
am I to do," said I, "when this member is cut away, and any such beast
comes running towards me, and I cannot, either by the tail being cocked
up or being drawn in, since the whole is snipt off, come to any
conclusion whether the vermin is mad or not? In this way, the most
prudent man may be bit, and become rabid, and so make shipwreck purely
for want of a tail-compass."
The Blind Passenger (he now got himself inscribed as a Seeing one, God
knows for what objects) had heard my observation; which he now spun out
in my presence almost into ridicule, and at last awakened in me the
suspicion, that by an overdone flattery in imitating my style of speech,
he meant to banter me. "The Dog-tail," said he, "is, in truth, an
alarm-beacon, and finger-post for us, that we come not even into the
outmost precincts of madness: cut away from Comets their tails, from
Bashaws theirs, from Crabs theirs (outstretched it denotes that they are
burst); and in the most dangerous predicaments of life we are left
without clew, without indicator, without hand in margine; and we
perish, not so much as knowing how."
3: In Criminal Courts, murdered children are often represented as
still-born; in Anticritiques, still-born as murdered.
101: Not only were the Rhodians, from their Colossus, called
Colossians; but also innumerable Germans are, from their Luther, called
Lutherans.
For the rest, this stage passed over without quarrelling or peril. About
ten o'clock, the whole party, including even the Postillion, myself
excepted, fell asleep. I indeed pretended to be sleeping, that I might
observe whether some one, for his own good reasons, might not also be
pretending it; but all continued snoring; the moon threw its brightening
beams on nothing but down-pressed eyelids.
I had now a glorious opportunity of following Lavater's counsel, to
apply the physiognomical ellwand specially to sleepers, since sleep,
like death, expresses the genuine form in coarser lines. Other sleepers
not in stage-coaches I think it less advisable to mete with this
ellwand; having always an apprehension lest some fellow, but pretending
to be asleep, may, the instant I am near enough, start up as in a dream,
and deceitfully plant such a knock on the physiognomical mensurator's
own facial structure, as to exclude it forever from appearing in any
Physiognomical Fragments (itself being reduced to one), either in the
stippled or line style. Nay, might not the most honest sleeper in the
world, just while you are in hand with his physiognomical dissection,
lay about him, spurred on by honour in some cudgelling-scene he may be
dreaming; and in a few instants of clapper-clawing, and kicking, and
trampling, lull you into a much more lasting sleep than that out of
which he was awakened?
In my Adumbrating Magic-lantern, as I have named the Work, the whole
physiognomical contents of this same sleeping stage-coach will be given
to the world: there I shall explain to you at large how the Poisoner,
with the murder-cupola, appeared to me devil-like; the Dwarf
old-childlike; the Harlot languidly shameless; my Brother-in-law
peacefully satisfied, with revenge or food; and the Legations-Rath,
Jean Pierre, Heaven only knows why, like a half angel,—though,
perhaps, it might be because only the fair body, not the other half, the
soul, which had passed away in sleep, was affecting me.
88: Hitherto I have always regarded the Polemical writings of our
present philosophic and æsthetic Idealist Logic-buffers,—in which,
certainly, a few contumelies, and misconceptions, and misconclusions do
make their appearance,—rather on the fair side; observing in it merely
an imitation of classical Antiquity, in particular of the ancient
Athletes, who (according to Schottgen) besmeared their bodies with
mud, that they might not be laid hold of; and filled their hands with
sand, that they might lay hold of their antagonists.
I had almost forgotten to mention, that in a little village, while my
Brother-in-law and the Postillion were sitting at their liquor, I
happily fronted a small terror, Destiny having twice been on my side.
Not far from a Hunting Box, beside a pretty clump of trees, I noticed a
white tablet, with a black inscription on it. This gave me hopes that
perhaps some little monumental piece, some pillar of honour, some battle
memento, might here be awaiting me. Over an untrodden flowery tangle, I
reach the black on white; and to my horror and amazement, I decipher in
the moonshine: Beware of Spring-guns! Thus was I standing perhaps half
a nail's breadth from the trigger, with which, if I but stirred my heel,
I should shoot myself off like a forgotten ramrod, into the other world,
beyond the verge of Time! The first thing I did was to cramp-down my
toe-nails, to bite, and, as it were, eat myself into the ground with
them; since I might at least continue in warm life so long as I pegged
my body firmly in beside the Atropos-scissors and hangman's block, which
lay beside me; then I endeavoured to recollect by what steps the fiend
had let me hither unshot, but in my agony I had perspired the whole of
it, and could remember nothing. In the Devil's village close at hand,
there was no dog to be seen and called to, who might have plucked me
from the water; and my Brother-in-law and the Postillion were both
carousing with full can. However, I summoned my courage and
determination; wrote down on a leaf of my pocket-book my last will, the
accidental manner of my death, and my dying remembrance of Berga; and
then, with full sails, flew helterskelter through the midst of it the
shortest way; expecting at every step to awaken the murderous engine,
and thus to clap over my still long candle of life the bonsoir, or
extinguisher, with my own hand. However, I got off without shot. In the
tavern, indeed, there was more than one fool to laugh at me; because,
forsooth, what none but a fool could know, this Notice had stood there
for the last ten years, without any gun, as guns often do without any
notice. But so it is, my Friends, with our game-police, which warns
against all things, only not against warnings.
103: Or are all Mosques, Episcopal-churches, Pagodas,
Chapels-of-Ease, Tabernacles and Pantheons, anything else than the
Ethnic Forecourt of the Invisible Temple and its Holy of Holies?
40: The common man is copious only in narration, not in reasoning;
the cultivated man is brief only in the former, not in the latter:
because the common man's reasons are a sort of sensations, which, as
well as things visible, he merely looks at; by the cultivated man,
again, both reasons and things visible are rather thought than looked
at.
For the rest, throughout the whole stage, I had a constant source of
altercation with the coachman, because he grudged stopping perhaps once
in the quarter of an hour, when I chose to come out for a natural
purpose. Unhappily, in truth, one has little reason to expect
water-doctors among the postillion class, since Physicians themselves
have so seldom learned from Haller's large Physiology, that a
postponement of the above operation will precipitate devilish stoneware,
and at last precipitate the proprietor himself; this stone-manufactory
being generally concluded, not by the Lithotomist, but by Death. Had
postillions read that Tycho Brahe died like a bombshell by bursting,
they would rather pull up for a moment; with such unlooked-for
knowledge, they would see it to be reasonable that a man, though
expecting some time to carry his death-stone on him, should not
incline, for the time being, to carry it in him. Nay, have I not
often, at Weimar, in the longest concluding scenes of Schiller, run out
with tears in my eyes; purely that, while his Minerva was melting me on
the whole, I might not by the Gorgon's head on her breast be partially
turned to stone? And did I not return to the weeping playhouse, and fall
into the general emotion so much the more briskly, as now I had nothing
to give vent to but my heart?
Deep in the dark we arrived at Niederschöna.
Third Stage; from Niederschöna to Flätz.
While I am standing at the Posthouse musing, with my eye fixed on my
portmanteau, comes a beast of a watchman, and bellows and brays in his
night-tube so close by my ear, that I start back in trepidation, I whom
even a too hasty accosting will vex. Is there no medical police, then,
against such efflated hour fulminators and alarm-cannon, by which
notwithstanding no gunpowder cannon are saved? In my opinion, nobody
should be invested with the watchman-horn but some reasonable man, who
had already blown himself into an asthma, and who would consequently be
in case to sing out his hour-verse so low, that you could not hear it.
9: In any national calamity, the ancient Egyptians took revenge on
the god Typhon, whom they blamed for it, by hurling his favourites, the
Asses, down over rocks. In similar wise have countries of a different
religion now and then taken their revenge.
What I had long expected, and the Dwarf predicted, now took place:
deeply stooping, through the high Posthouse door, issued the Giant, and
raised, in the open air, a most unreasonably high figure, heightened by
the ell-long bonnet and feather on his huge jobber-nowl. My
Brother-in-law, beside him, looked but like his son of fourteen years;
the Dwarf like his lap-dog waiting for him on its two hind legs. "Good
friend," said my bantering Brother-in-law, leading him towards me and
the stage-coach, "just step softly in, we shall all be happy to make
room for you. Fold yourself neatly together, lay your head on your knee,
and it will do." The unseasonable banterer would willingly have seen the
almost stupid Giant (of whom he had soon observed that his brain was no
active substance, but in the inverse ratio of his trunk) squeezed in
among us in the post-chest, and lying kneaded together like a sand-bag
before him. "Won't do! Won't do!" said the Giant, looking in. "The
gentleman perhaps does not know," said the Dwarf, "how big the Giant is;
and so he thinks that because I go in—But that is another story; I
will creep into any hole, do but tell me where."
In short, there was no resource for the Postmaster and the Giant, but
that the latter should plant himself behind, in the character of
luggage, and there lie bending down like a weeping willow over the whole
vehicle. To me such a back-wall and rear-guard could not be particularly
gratifying: and I may refer it, I hope, to any one of you, ye Friends,
if with such ware at your back, you would not, as clearly and earnestly
as I, have considered what manifold murderous projects a knave of a
Giant behind you, a pursuer in all senses, might not maliciously
attempt; say, that he broke in and assailed you by the back-window, or
with Titanian strength laid hold of the coach-roof and demolished the
whole party in a lump. However, this Elephant (who indeed seemed to owe
the similarity more to his overpowering mass than to his quick light of
inward faculty), crossing his arms over the top of the vehicle, soon
began to sleep and snore above us; an Elephant, of whom, as I more and
more joyfully observed, my Brother-in-law the Dragoon could easily be
the tamer and bridle-holder, nay had already been so.
70: Let Poetry veil itself in Philosophy, but only as the latter
does in the former. Philosophy in poetised Prose resembles those tavern
drinking-glasses, encircled with parti-coloured wreaths of figures,
which disturb your enjoyment both of the drink, and (often awkwardly
eclipsing and covering each other) of the carving also.
As more than one person now felt inclined to sleep, but I, on the
contrary, as was proper, to wake, I freely offered my seat of honour,
the front place in the coach (meaning thereby to abolish many little
flaws of envy in my fellow-passengers), to such persons as wished to
take a nap thereon. The Legations-man accepted the offer with eagerness,
and soon fell asleep there sitting, under the Titan.[4] To me this sort
of coach-sleeping of a diplomatic chargé d'affaires remained a thing
incomprehensible. A man that, in the middle of a stranger and often
barbarously-minded company, permits himself to slumber, may easily,
supposing him to talk in his sleep and coach (think of the Saxon
minister[5] before the Seven-Years War!), blab out a thousand secrets,
and crimes, some of which, perhaps, he has not committed. Should not
every minister, ambassador, or other man of honour and rank, really
shudder at the thought of insanity or violent fevers; seeing no mortal
can be his surety that he shall not in such cases publish the greatest
scandals, of which, it may be, the half are lies?
At last, after the long July night, we passengers, together with Aurora,
arrived in the precincts of Flätz, I looked with a sharp yet moistened
eye at the steeples: I believe, every man who has anything decisive to
seek in a town, and to whom it is either to be a judgment-seat of his
hopes, or their anchoring-station, either a battle-field or a
sugar-field, first and longest directs his eye on the steeples of the
town, as upon the indexes and balance-tongues of his future destiny;
these artificial peaks, which, like natural ones, are the thrones of our
Future. As I happened to express myself on this point perhaps too
poetically to Jean Pierre, he answered, with sufficient want of taste:
"The steeples of such towns are indeed the Swiss Alpine peaks, on which
we milk and manufacture the Swiss cheese of our Future." Did the
Legations-Peter mean with this style to make me ridiculous, or only
himself? Determine!
"Here is the place, the town," said I in secret, "where today much and
for many years is to be determined; where thou, this evening, about five
o'clock, art to present thy petition and thyself: May it prosper! May it
be successful! Let Flätz, this arena of thy little efforts among the
rest, become a building-space for fair castles and air-castles to two
hearts, thy own and thy Berga's!"
At the Tiger Inn I alighted.
First Day in Flätz.
No mortal, in my situation at this Tiger-hotel, would have triumphed
much in his more immediate prospects. I, as the only man known to me,
especially in the way of love (of the runaway Dragoon anon!), looked out
from the windows of the overflowing Inn, and down on the rushing sea of
marketers, and very soon began to reflect, that except Heaven and the
rascals and murderers, none knew how many of the latter two classes were
floating among the tide; purposing perhaps to lay hold of the most
innocent strangers, and in part cut their purses, in part their throats.
My situation had a special circumstance against it. My Brother-in-law,
who still comes plump out with everything, had mentioned that I was to
put up at the Tiger: O Heaven, when will such people learn to be secret,
and to cover even the meanest pettinesses of life under mantles and
veils, were it only that a silly mouse may as often give birth to a
mountain, as a mountain to a mouse! The whole rabble of the stage-coach
stopped at the Tiger; the Harlot, the Ratcatcher, Jean Pierre, the
Giant, who had dismounted at the Gate of the town, and carrying the huge
block-head of the Dwarf on his shoulders as his own (cloaking over the
deception by his cloak), had thus, like a ninny, exhibited himself
gratis by half a dwarf more gigantic than he could be seen for money.
158: Governments should not too often change the penny-trumps and
child's-drums of the Poets for the regimental trumpet and fire-drum: on
the other hand, good subjects should regard many a princely
drum-tendency simply as a disease, in which the patient, by air
insinuating under the skin, has got dreadfully swoln.
89: In great towns, a stranger, for the first day or two after his
arrival, lives purely at his own expense in an inn; afterwards, in the
houses of his friends, without expense: on the other hand, if you arrive
at the Earth, as, for instance, I have done, you are courteously
maintained, precisely for the first few years, free of charges; but in
the next and longer series—for you often stay sixty—you are actually
obliged (I have the documents in my hands) to pay for every drop and
morsel, as if you were in the great Earth Inn, which indeed you are.
And now for each of the Passengers, the question was, how he could make
the Tiger, the heraldic emblem of the Inn, his prototype; and so, what
lamb he might suck the blood of, and tear in pieces, and devour. My
Brother-in-law too left me, having gone in quest of some horse-dealer;
but he retained the chamber next mine for his sister: this, it appeared,
was to denote attention on his part. I remained solitary, left to my own
intrepidity and force of purpose.
Yet among so many villains, encompassing if not even beleaguering me, I
thought warmly of one far distant, faithful soul, of my Berga in
Neusattel; a true heart of pith, which perhaps with many a weak
marriage-partner might have given protection rather than sought it.
"Appear, then, quickly tomorrow at noon, Berga," said my heart; "and if
possible before noon, that I may lengthen thy market paradise so many
hours as thou arrivest earlier!"
A clergyman, amid the tempests of the world, readily makes for a free
harbour, for the church: the church-wall is his casemate-wall and
fortification; and behind are to be found more peaceful and more
accordant souls than on the market-place: in short, I went into the High
Church. However, in the course of the psalm, I was somewhat disturbed by
a Heiduc, who came up to a well-dressed young gentleman sitting opposite
me, and tore the double opera-glass from his nose, it being against rule
in Flätz, as it is in Dresden, to look at the Court with glasses which
diminish and approximate. I myself had on a pair of spectacles, but they
were magnifiers. It was impossible for me to resolve on taking them off;
and here again, I am afraid, I shall pass for a foolhardy person and a
desperado; so much only I reckoned fit, to look invariably into my
psalm-book; not once lifting my eyes while the Court was rustling and
entering, thereby to denote that my glasses were ground convex. For the
rest, the sermon was good, if not always finely conceived for a
Court-church; it admonished the hearers against innumerable vices, to
whose counterparts, the virtues, another preacher might so readily have
exhorted us. During the whole service, I made it my business to exhibit
true deep reverence, not only towards God, but also towards my
illustrious Prince. For the latter reverence I had my private reason: I
wished to stamp this sentiment strongly and openly as with raised
letters on my countenance, and so give the lie to any malicious imp
about Court, by whom my contravention of the Panegyric on Nero, and my
free German satire on this real tyrant himself, which I had inserted in
the Flätz Weekly Journal, might have been perverted into a secret
characteristic portrait of my own Sovereign. We live in such times at
present, that scarcely can we compose a pasquinade on the Devil in Hell,
but some human Devil on Earth will apply it to an angel.
107: Germany is a long lofty mountain—under the sea.
144: The Reviewer does not in reality employ his pen for writing;
but he burns it, to awaken weak people from their swoons, with the
smell; he tickles with it the throat of the plagiary, to make him render
back; and he picks with it his own teeth. He is the only individual in
the whole learned lexicon that can never exhaust himself, never write
himself out, let him sit before the ink-glass for centuries or tens of
centuries. For while the Scholar, the Philosopher, and the Poet, produce
their new book solely from new materials and growth, the Reviewer merely
lays his old gage of taste and knowledge on a thousand new works; and
his light, in the ever-passing, ever-differently-cut glass-world which
he elucidates, is still refracted into new colours.
When the Court at last issued from church, and were getting into their
carriages, I kept at such a distance that my face could not possibly be
noticed, in case I had happened to assume no reverent look, but an
indifferent or even proud one. God knows, who has kneaded into me those
mad desperate fancies and crotchets, which perhaps would sit better on a
Hero Schabacker than on an Army-chaplain under him. I cannot here
forbear recording to you, my Friends, one of the maddest among them,
though at first it may throw too glaring a light on me. It was at my
ordination to be Army-chaplain, while about to participate in the
Sacrament, on the first day of Easter. Now, here while I was standing,
moved into softness, before the balustrade of the altar, in the middle
of the whole male congregation,—nay, I perhaps more deeply moved than
any among them, since, as a person going to war, I might consider myself
a half-dead man, that was now partaking in the last Feast of Souls, as
it were like a person to be hanged on the morrow,—here then, amid the
pathetic effects of the organ and singing, there rose something—were it
the first Easter-day which awoke in me what primitive Christians called
their Easter-laughter, or merely the contrast between the most devilish
predicaments and the most holy,—in short there rose something in me
(for which reason, I have ever since taken the part of every simple
person, who might ascribe such things to the Devil), and this something
started the question: "Now, could there be aught more diabolical than if
thou, just in receiving the Holy Supper, wert madly and blasphemously to
begin laughing?" Instantly I took to wrestling with this hell-dog of a
thought; neglected the most precious feelings, merely to keep the dog in
my eye, and scare him away; yet was forced to draw back from him,
exhausted and unsuccessful, and arrived at the step of the altar with
the mournful certainty that in a little while I should, without more
ado, begin laughing, let me weep and moan inwardly as I liked.
Accordingly, while I and a very worthy old Bürgermeister were bowing
down together before the long parson, and the latter (perhaps kneeling
on the low cushion, I fancied him too long) put the wafer in my clenched
mouth, I felt all the muscles of laughter already beginning sardonically
to contract; and these had not long acted on the guiltless integument,
till an actual smile appeared there; and as we bowed the second time, I
was grinning like an ape. My companion the Bürgermeister justly
expostulated with me, in a low voice, as we walked round behind the
altar: "In Heaven's name, are you an ordained Preacher of the Gospel, or
a Merry-Andrew? Is it Satan that is laughing out of you?"
71: The Youth is singular from caprice, and takes pleasure in it;
the Man is so from constraint, unintentionally, and feels pain in it.
198: The Populace and Cattle grow giddy on the edge of no abyss;
with the Man it is otherwise.
"Ah, Heaven! who else?" said I; and this being over, I finished my
devotions in a more becoming fashion.
From the church (I now return to the Flätz one), I proceeded to the
Tiger Inn, and dined at the table-d'hôte, being at no time shy of
encountering men. Previous to the second course, a waiter handed me an
empty plate, on which, to my astonishment, I noticed a French verse
scratched-in with a fork, containing nothing less than a lampoon on the
Commandant of Flätz. Without ceremony, I held out the plate to the
company; saying, I had just, as they saw, got this lampooning cover
presented to me, and must request them to bear witness that I had
nothing to do with the matter. An officer directly changed plates with
me. During the fifth course, I could not but admire the chemico-medical
ignorance of the company; for a hare, out of which a gentleman extracted
and exhibited several grains of shot, that is to say, therefore, of lead
alloyed with arsenic, and then cleaned by hot vinegar, did,
nevertheless, by the spectators (I excepted) continue to be pleasantly
eaten.
11: The Golden Calf of Self-love soon waxes to be a burning
Phalaris' Bull, which reduces its father and adorer to ashes.
103: The male Beau-crop which surrounds the female Roses and
Lilies, must (if I rightly comprehend its flatteries) most probably
presuppose in the fair the manners of the Spaniards and Italians, who
offer any valuable, by way of present, to the man who praises it
excessively.
In the course of our table-talk, one topic seized me keenly by my weak
side, I mean by my honour. The law custom of the city happened to be
mentioned, as it affects natural children; and I learned that here a
loose girl may convert any man she pleases to select into the father of
her brat, simply by her oath. "Horrible!" said I, and my hair stood on
end. "In this way may the worthiest head of a family, with a wife and
children, or a clergyman lodging in the Tiger, be stript of honour and
innocence, by any wicked chambermaid whom he may have seen, or who may
have seen him, in the course of her employment!"
An elderly officer observed: "But will the girl swear herself to the
Devil so readily?"
What logic! "Or suppose," continued I, without answer, "a man happened
to be travelling with that Vienna Locksmith, who afterwards became a
mother, and was brought to bed of a baby son; or with any disguised
Chevalier d'Eon, who often passes the night in his company, whereby the
Locksmith or the Chevalier can swear to their private interviews: no
delicate man of honour will in the end risk travelling with another;
seeing he knows not how soon the latter may pull off his boots, and pull
on his women's-pumps, and swear his companion into fatherhood, and
himself to the Devil!"
Some of the company, however, misunderstood my oratorical fire so much,
that they, sheep-wise, gave some insinuations as if I myself were not
strict in this point, but lax. By Heaven! I no longer knew what I was
eating or speaking. Happily, on the opposite side of the table, some
lying story of a French defeat was started: now, as I had read on the
street-corners that French and German Proclamation, calling before the
Court Martial any one who had heard war-rumours (disadvantageous,
namely), without giving notice of them,—I, as a man not willing ever to
forget himself, had nothing more prudent to do in this case, than to
withdraw with empty ears, telling none but the landlord why.
199: But not many existing Governments, I believe, do behead under
pretext of trepanning; or sew (in a more choice allegory) the people's
lips together, under pretence of sewing the harelips in them.
67: Hospitable Entertainer, wouldst thou search into thy guest?
Accompany him to another Entertainer, and listen to him. Just so:
Wouldst thou become better acquainted with Mistress in an hour, than by
living with her for a month? Accompany her among her female friends and
female enemies (if that is no pleonasm), and look at her!
It was no improper time; for I had previously determined to have my
beard shaven about half-past four, that so, towards five I might present
myself with a chin just polished by the razor smoothing-iron, and sleek
as wove-paper, without the smallest root-stump of a hair left on it. By
way of preparation, like Pitt before Parliamentary debates, I poured a
devilish deal of Pontac into my stomach, with true disgust, and contrary
to all sanitary rules; not so much for fronting the light stranger
Barber, as the Minister and General von Schabacker, with whom I had it
in view to exchange perhaps more than one fiery statement.
The common Hotel Barber was ushered in to me; but at first view you
noticed in his polygonal zigzag visage, more of a man that would finally
go mad, than of one growing wiser. Now, madmen are a class of persons
whom I hate incredibly; and nothing can take me to see any madhouse,
simply because the first maniac among them may clutch me in his giant
fists if he like; and because, owing to infection, I cannot be sure that
I shall ever get out again with the sense which I brought in. In a
general way, I sit (when once I am lathered) in such a posture on my
chair as to keep both my hands (the eyes I fix intently on the barbering
countenance) lying clenched along my sides, and pointed directly at the
midriff of the barber; that so, on the smallest ambiguity of movement, I
may dash in upon him, and overset him in a twinkling.
I scarce know rightly how it happened; but here, while I am anxiously
studying the foolish twisted visage of the shaver, and he just then
chanced to lay his long-whetted weapon a little too abruptly against my
bare throat, I gave him such a sudden bounce on the abdominal viscera,
that the silly varlet had well-nigh suicidally slit his own windpipe.
For me, truly, nothing remained but to indemnify the man; and then,
contrary to my usual principles, to tie round a broad stuffed cravat, by
way of cloak to what remained unshorn.
80: In the summer of life, men keep digging and filling ice-pits
as well as circumstances will admit; that so, in their Winter, they may
have something in store to give them coolness.
28: It is impossible for me, amid the tendril-forest of allusions
(even this again is a tendril-twig), to state and declare on the spot
whether all the Courts or Heights, the (Bougouer) Snowline of Europe,
have ever been mentioned in my Writings or not; but I could wish for
information on the subject, that if not, I may try to do it still.
And now at last I sallied forth to the General, drinking out the remnant
of the Pontac, as I crossed the threshold. I hope, there were plans
lying ready within me for answering rightly, nay for asking. The
Petition I carried in my pocket, and in my right hand. In the left I had
a duplicate of it. My fire of spirit easily helped over the living fence
of ministerial obstructions; and soon I unexpectedly found myself in the
ante-chamber, among his most distinguished lackeys; persons, so far as I
could see, not inclined to change flour for bran with any one. Selecting
the most respectable individual of the number, I delivered him my paper
request, accompanied with the verbal one that he would hand it in. He
took it, but ungraciously: I waited in vain till far in the sixth hour,
at which season alone the gay General can safely be applied to. At last
I pitch upon another lackey, and repeat my request: he runs about
seeking his runaway brother, or my Petition; to no purpose, neither of
them could be found. How happy was it that in the midst of my Pontac,
before shaving, I had written out the duplicate of this paper; and
therefore—simply on the principle that you should always keep a second
wooden leg packed into your knapsack when you have the first on your
body—and out of fear that if the original petition chanced to drop from
me in the way between the Tiger and Schabacker's, my whole journey and
hope would melt into water—and therefore, I say, having stuck the
repeating work of that original paper into my pocket, I had, in any
case, something to hand in, and that something truly a Ditto. I handed
it in.
36: And so I should like, in all cases, to be the First,
especially in Begging. The first prisoner-of-war, the first cripple, the
first man ruined by burning (like him who brings the first fire-engine),
gains the head-subscription and the heart; the next-comer finds nothing
but Duty to address; and at last, in this melodious mancando of
sympathy, matters sink so far, that the last (if the last but one may at
least have retired laden with a rich "God help you!") obtains from the
benignant hand nothing more than its fist. And as in Begging the first,
so in Giving I should like to be the last: one obliterates the other,
especially the last the first. So, however, is the world ordered.
Unhappily six o'clock was already past. The lackey, however, did not
keep me long waiting; but returned with—I may say, the text of this
whole Circular—the almost rude answer (which you, my Friends, out of
regard for me and Schabacker, will not divulge) that: "In case I were
the Attila Schmelzle of Schabacker's Regiment, I might lift my
pigeon-liver flag again, and fly to the Devil, as I did at Pimpelstadt."
Another man would have dropt dead on the spot: I, however, walked quite
stoutly off, answering the fellow: "With great pleasure indeed, I fly to
the Devil; and so Devil a fly I care." On the road home I examined
myself whether it had not been the Pontac that spoke out of me (though
the very examination contradicted this, for Pontac never examines); but
I found that nothing but I, my heart, my courage perhaps, had spoken:
and why, after all, any whimpering? Does not the patrimony of my good
wife endow me better than ten Catechetical Professorships? And has she
not furnished all the corners of my book of Life with so many golden
clasps, that I can open it forever without wearing it? Let henhearts
cackle and pip; I flapped my pinions, and said: "Dash boldly through it,
come what may!" I felt myself excited and exalted; I fancied Republics,
in which I, as a hero, might be at home; I longed to be in that noble
Grecian time, when one hero readily put up with bastinadoes from
another, and said: "Strike, but hear!" and out of this ignoble one,
where men will scarcely put up with hard words, to say nothing of more.
I painted out to my mind how I should feel, if, in happier
circumstances, I were uprooting hollow Thrones, and before whole nations
mounting on mighty deeds as on the Temple-steps of Immortality; and in
gigantic ages, finding quite other men to outman and outstrip, than the
mite-populace about me, or, at the best, here and there a Vulcanello. I
thought and thought, and grew wilder and wilder, and intoxicated myself
(no Pontac intoxication therefore, which, you know, increases more by
continuance than cessation of drinking), and gesticulated openly, as I
put the question to myself: "Wilt thou be a mere state-lapdog? A
dog's-dog, a pium desiderium of an impium desiderium, an Ex-Ex, a
Nothing's-Nothing?—Fire and Fury!" With this, however, I dashed down my
hat into the mud of the market. On lifting and cleaning this old
servant, I could not but perceive how worn and faded it was; and I
therefore determined instantly to purchase a new one, and carry the same
home in my hand.
136: If you mount too high above your time, your ears (on the side
of Fame) are little better off than if you sink too deep below it: in
truth, Charles up in his Balloon, and Halley down in his Diving-bell,
felt equally the same strange pain in their ears.
I accomplished this; I bought one of the finest cut. Strangely enough,
by this hat, as if it had been a graduation-hat, was my head tried and
examined, in the Ziegengasse or Goat-gate of Flätz. For as General
Schabacker came driving along that street in his carriage, and I (it
need not be said) was determined to avenge myself, not by vulgar
clownishness, but by courtesy, I had here got one of the most ticklish
problems imaginable to solve on the spur of the instant. You observe, if
I swung only the fine hat which I carried in my hand, and kept the faded
one on my head,—I might have the appearance of a perfect clown, who
does not doff at all: if, on the other hand, I pulled the old hat from
my head, and therewith did my reverence, then two hats, both in play at
once (let me swing the other at the same time or not), brought my salute
within the verge of ridicule. Now do you, my Friends, before reading
farther, bethink you how a man was to extricate himself from such a
plight, without losing head! I think, perhaps, by this means: by merely
losing hat. In one word, then, I simply dropped the new hat from my hand
into the mud, to put myself in a condition for taking off the old hat by
itself, and swaying it in needful courtesy, without any shade of
ridicule.
Arrived at the Tiger,—to avoid misconstructions, I first had the
glossy, fine and superfine hat cleaned, and some time afterwards the
mud-hat or rubbish-hat.
And now, weighing my momentous Past in the adjusting balance within me,
I walked in fiery mood to and fro. The Pontac must—I know that there is
no unadulterated liquor here below—have been more than usually
adulterated; so keenly did it chase my fancy out of one fire into the
other. I now looked forth into a wide glittering life, in which I lived
without post, merely on money; and which I beheld, as it were, sowed
with the Delphic caves, and Zenonic walks, and Muse-hills of all the
Sciences, which I might now cultivate at my ease. In particular, I
should have it in my power to apply more diligently to writing
Prize-essays for Academies; of which (that is to say, of the
Prize-essays) no author need ever be ashamed, since, in all cases, there
is a whole crowning Academy to stand and blush for the crownee. And even
if the Prize-marksman does not hit the crown, he still continues more
unknown and more anonymous (his Device not being unsealed) than any
other author, who indeed can publish some nameless Long-ear of a book,
but not hinder it from being, by a Literary Ass-burial (sepultura
asinina), publicly interred, in a short time, before half the world.
25: In youth, like a blind man just couched (and what is birth but
a couching of the sight?), you take the Distant for the Near, the starry
heaven for tangible room-furniture, pictures for objects; and, to the
young man, the whole world is sitting on his very nose, till repeated
bandaging and unbandaging have at last taught him, like the blind
patient, to estimate Distance and Appearance.
Only one thing grieved me by anticipation; the sorrow of my Berga, for
whom, dear tired wayfarer, I on the morrow must overcloud her arrival,
and her shortened market-spectacle, by my negatory intelligence. She
would so gladly (and who can take it ill of a rich farmer's daughter?)
have made herself somebody in Neusattel, and overshone many a female
dignitary! Every mortal longs for his parade-place, and some earlier
living honour than the last honours. Especially so good a lowly-born
housewife as my Berga, conscious perhaps rather of her metallic than of
her spiritual treasure, would still wish at banquets to be mistress of
some seat or other, and so in place to overtop this or that plucked
goose of the neighbourhood.
It is in this point of view that husbands are so indispensable. I
therefore resolved to purchase for myself, and consequently for her, one
of the best of those titles, which our Courts in Germany (as in a
Leipzig sale-room) stand offering to buyers, in all sizes and sorts,
from Noble and Half-noble down to Rath or Councillor; and once invested
therewith, to reflect from my own Quarter-nobility such an
Eighth-part-nobility on this true soul, that many a Neusattelitess (I
hope) shall half burst with envy, and say and cry: "Pooh, the stupid
farmer thing! See how it wabbles and bridles! It has forgot how matters
stood when it had no money-bag, and no Hofrath!" For to the Hofrathship
I shall before this have attained.
But in the cold solitude of my room, and the fire of my remembrances, I
longed unspeakably for my Bergelchen: I and my heart were wearied with
the foreign busy day; no one here said a kind word to me, which he did
not hope to put in the bill. Friends! I languished for my friend, whose
heart would pour out its blood as a balsam for a second heart; I cursed
my over-prudent regulations, and wished that, to have the good Berga at
my side, I had given up the stupid houseware to all thieves and fires
whatsoever: as I walked to and fro, it seemed to me easier and easier to
become all things, an Exchequer-Rath, an Excise-Rath, any Rath in the
world, and whatever she required when she came.
125: In the long-run, out of mere fear and necessity, we shall
become the warmest cosmopolites I know of; so rapidly do ships shoot to
and fro, and, like shuttles, weave Islands and Quarters of the World
together. For, let but the political weatherglass fall today in South
America, tomorrow we in Europe have storm and thunder.
"See thou take thy pleasure in the town!" had Bergelchen kept saying the
whole week through. But how, without her, can I take any? Our tears of
sorrow friends dry up, and accompany with their own: but our tears of
joy we find most readily repeated in the eyes of our wives. Pardon me,
good Friends, these libations of my sensibility; I am but showing you my
heart and my Berga. If I need an Absolution-merchant, the
Pontac-merchant is the man.
First Night in Flätz.
Yet the wine did not take from me the good sense to look under the bed,
before going into it, and examine whether any one was lurking there; for
example, the Dwarf, or the Ratcatcher, or the Legations-Rath; also to
shove the key under the latch (which I reckon the best bolting
arrangement of all), and then, by way of farther assurance, to bore my
night-screws into the door, and pile all the chairs in a heap behind it;
and, lastly, to keep on my breeches and shoes, wishing absolutely to
have no care upon my mind.
But I had still other precautions to take in regard to sleepwalking. To
me it has always been incomprehensible how so many men can go to bed,
and lie down at their ease there, without reflecting that perhaps, in
the first sleep, they may get up again as Somnambulists, and crawl over
the tops of roofs and the like; awakening in some spot where they may
fall in a moment and break their necks. While at home, there is little
risk in my sleep: because, my right toe being fastened every night with
three ells of tape (I call it in jest our marriage-tie) to my wife's
left hand, I feel a certainty that, in case I should start up from this
bed-arrest, I must with the tether infallibly awaken her, and so by my
Berga, as by my living bridle, be again led back to bed. But here in the
Inn, I had nothing for it but to knot myself once or twice to the
bed-foot, that I might not wander; though in this way, an irruption of
villains would have brought double peril with it.—Alas! so dangerous is
sleep at all times, that every man, who is not lying on his back a
corpse, must be on his guard lest with the general system some limb or
other also fall asleep; in which case the sleeping limb (there are not
wanting examples of it in Medical History) may next morning be lying
ripe for amputation. For this reason, I have myself frequently awakened,
that no part of me fall asleep.
19: It is easier, they say, to climb a hill when you ascend back
foremost. This, perhaps, might admit of application to political
eminences; if you still turned towards them that part of the body on
which you sit, and kept your face directed down to the people; all the
while, however, removing and mounting.
26: Few German writers are not original, if we may ascribe
originality (as is at least the conversational practice of all people)
to a man, who merely dishes out his own thoughts without foreign
admixture. For as, between their Memory, where their reading or foreign
matter dwells, and their Imagination or Productive Power, where their
writing or own peculiar matter originates, a sufficient space
intervenes, and the boundary-stones are fixed-in so conscientiously and
firmly that nothing foreign may pass over into their own, or inversely,
so that they may really read a hundred works without losing their own
primitive flavour, or even altering it,—their individuality may, I
believe, be considered as secured; and their spiritual nourishment,
their pancakes, loaves, fritters, caviare and meat-balls, are not
assimilated to their system, but given back pure and unaltered. Often in
my own mind I figure such writers as living but thousandfold more
artificial Ducklings from Vaucanson's Artificial Duck of Wood. For in
fact they are not less cunningly put together than this timber Duck,
which will gobble meat, and apparently void it again, under show of
having digested it, and derived from it blood and juices; though the
secret of the business is, the artist has merely introduced an ingenious
compound ejective matter behind, with which concoction and nourishment
have nothing to do, but which the Duck illusorily gives forth and
publishes to the world.
Having properly tied myself to the bed-posts, and at length got under
the coverlid, I now began to be dubious about my Pontac Fire-bath, and
apprehensive of the valorous and tumultuous dreams too likely to ensue;
which, alas, did actually prove to be nothing better than heroic and
monarchic feats, castle-stormings, rock-throwings, and the like. This
point also I am sorry to see so little attended to in medicine. Medical
gentlemen, as well as their customers, all stretch themselves quietly in
their beds, without one among them considering whether a furious rage
(supposing him also directly after to drink cold water in his dream), or
a heart-devouring grief, all which he may undergo in vision, does harm
to life or not.
Shortly before midnight, I awoke from a heavy dream, to encounter a
ghost-trick much too ghostly for my fancy. My Brother-in-law, who
manufactured it, deserves for such vapid cookery to be named before you
without reserve, as the malt-master of this washy brewage. Had suspicion
been more compatible with intrepidity, I might perhaps, by his moral
maxim about this matter, on the road, as well as by his taking up the
side-room, at the middle door of which stood my couch, have easily
divined the whole. But now, on awakening, I felt myself blown upon by a
cold ghost-breath, which I could nowise deduce from the distant bolted
window; a point I had rightly decided, for the Dragoon was producing the
phenomenon, through the keyhole, by a pair of bellows. Every sort of
coldness, in the night-season, reminds you of clay-coldness and
spectre-coldness. I summoned my resolution, however, and abode the
issue: but now the very coverlid began to get in motion; I pulled it
towards me; it would not stay; sharply I sit upright in my bed, and cry:
"What is that?" No answer; everywhere silence in the Inn; the whole room
full of moonshine. And now my drawing-plaster, my coverlid, actually
rose up, and let in the air; at which I felt like a wounded man whose
cataplasm you suddenly pull off. In this crisis, I made a bold leap from
this Devil's-torus, and, leaping, snapped asunder my somnambulist
tether. "Where is the silly human fool," cried I, "that dares to ape the
unseen sublime world of Spirits, which may, in the instant, open before
him?" But on, above, under the bed, there was nothing to be heard or
seen. I looked out of the window: everywhere spectral moonlight and
street-stillness; nothing moving except (probably from the wind), on the
distant Gallows-hill, a person lately hanged.
Any man would have taken it for self-deception as well as I: therefore I
again wrapped myself in my passive lit de justice and air-bed, and
waited with calmness to see whether my fright would subside or not.
15: After the manner of the fine polished English folding-knives,
there are now also folding-war-swords, or in other words—Treaties of
Peace.
13: Omnibus una salus Sanctis, sed gloria dispar: that is to
say (as Divines once taught) according to Saint Paul, we have all the
same Beatitude in Heaven, but different degrees of Honour. Here, on
Earth, we find a shadow of this in the writing world; for the Beatitude
of authors once beatified by Criticism, whether they be genial, good,
mediocre, or poor, is the same throughout; they all obtain the same
pecuniary Felicity, the same slender profit. But, Heavens! in regard to
the degrees of Fame, again, how far (in spite of the same emolument and
sale) will a Dunce, even in his lifetime, be put below a Genius! Is not
a shallow writer frequently forgotten in a single Fair, while a deep
writer, or even a writer of genius, will blossom through fifty Fairs,
and so may celebrate his Twenty-five Years' Jubilee, before, late
forgotten, he is lowered into the German Temple of Fame; a Temple
imitating the peculiarity of the Padri Luichesi churches in Naples,
which (according to Volkmann) permit burials under their roofs, but no
tombstone.
In a few minutes, the coverlid, the infernal Faust's-mantle, again began
flying and towing; also, by way of change, the invisible bed-maker again
lifted me up. Accursed hour!—I should beg to know whether, in the whole
of cultivated Europe, there is one cultivated or uncultivated man, who,
in a case of this kind, would not have lighted on ghost-devilry? I
lighted on it, under my piece of (self) movable property, my coverlid:
and thought Berga had died suddenly, and was now, in spirit, laying hold
of my bed. However, I could not speak to her, nor as little to the
Devil, who might well be supposed to have a hand in the game; but I
turned myself solely to Heaven, and prayed aloud: "To thee I commit
myself; thou alone heretofore hast cared for thy weak servant; and I
swear that I will turn a new leaf,"—a promise which shall be kept
nevertheless, though the whole was but stupid treachery and trick.
My prayer had no effect with the unchristian Dragoon, who now, once for
all, had got me prisoner in the dragnet of a coverlid; and heeded little
whether a guest's bed were, by his means, made a state-bed and death-bed
or not. He span out my nerves, like gold-wire through smaller and
smaller holes, to utter inanition and evanition; for the bed-clothes at
last literally marched off to the door of the room.
Now was the moment to rise into the sublime; and to trouble myself no
longer about aught here below, but softly to devote myself to death.
"Snatch me away," cried I, and, without thinking, cut three crosses;
"quick, dispatch me, ye ghosts: I die more innocent than thousands of
tyrants and blasphemers, to whom ye yet appear not, but to unpolluted
me." Here I heard a sort of laugh, either on the street or in the
side-room: at this warm human tone, I suddenly bloomed up again, as at
the coming of a new Spring, in every twig and leaf. Wholly despising the
winged coverlid, which was not now to be picked from the door, I laid
myself down uncovered, but warm and perspiring from other causes, and
soon fell asleep. For the rest, I am not the least ashamed, in the face
of all refined capital cities,—though they were standing here at my
hand,—that by this Devil-belief and Devil-address I have attained some
likeness to our great German Lion, to Luther.
Second Day in Flätz.
Early in the morning, I felt myself awakened by the well-known coverlid;
it had laid itself on me like a nightmare: I gaped up; quiet, in a
corner of the room, sat a red, round, blooming, decorated girl, like a
full-blown tulip in the freshness of life, and gently rustling with gay
ribbons as with leaves.
"Who's there—how came you in?" cried I, half-blind.
"I covered thee softly, and thought to let thee sleep," said Bergelchen;
"I have walked all night to be here early; do but look!"
She showed me her boots, the only remnant of her travelling-gear, which,
in the moulting process of the toilette, she had not stript at the gate
of Flätz.
"Is there," said I, alarmed at her coming six hours sooner, and the
more, as I had been alarmed all night and was still so, at her
mysterious entrance,—"is there some fresh woe come over us, fire,
murder, robbery?"
She answered: "The old Rat thou hast chased so long died yesterday;
farther, there was nothing of importance."
"And all has been managed rightly, and according to my Letter of
Instructions, at home?" inquired I.
"Yes, truly," answered she; "only I did not see the Letter; it is lost;
thou hast packed it among thy clothes."
Well, I could not but forgive the blooming brave pedestrian all
omissions. Her eye, then her heart was bringing fresh cool morning air
and morning red into my sultry hours. And yet, for this kind soul,
looking into life with such love and hope, I must in a little while
overcloud the merited Heaven of today, with tidings of my failure in the
Catechetical Professorship! I dallied and postponed to the utmost. I
asked how she had got in, as the whole chevaux-de-frise barricado of
chairs was still standing fast at the door. She laughed heartily,
curtseying in village fashion, and said, she had planned it with her
brother the day before yesterday, knowing my precautions in locking,
that he should admit her into my room, that so she might cunningly
awaken me. And now bolted the Dragoon with loud laughter into the
apartment, and cried: "Slept well, brother?"
79: Weak and wrong heads are the hardest to change; and their
inward man acquires a scanty covering: thus capons never moult.
89: In times of misfortune, the Ancients supported themselves with
Philosophy or Christianity; the moderns again (for example, in the reign
of Terror), take to Pleasure; as the wounded Buffalo, for bandage and
salve, rolls himself in the mire.
In this wise truly the whole ghost-story was now solved and expounded,
as if by the pen of a Biester or a Hennings; I instantly saw through the
entire ghost-scheme, which our Dragoon had executed. With some
bitterness I told him my conjecture, and his sister my story. But he
lied and laughed; nay, attempted shamelessly enough to palm
spectre-notions on me a second time, in open day. I answered coldly,
that in me he had found the wrong man, granting even that I had some
similarity with Luther, with Hobbes, with Brutus, all of whom had seen
and dreaded ghosts. He replied, tearing the facts away from their
originating causes: "All he could say was, that last night he had heard
some poor sinner creaking and lamenting dolefully enough; and from this
he had inferred, it must be an unhappy brother set upon by goblins."
In the end, his sister's eyes also were opened to the low character
which he had tried to act with me: she sharply flew at him, pushed him
with both hands out of his and my door, and called after him: "Wait,
thou villain, I will mind it!"
Then hastily turning round, she fell on my neck, and (at the wrong
place) into laughter, and said: "The wild fool! But I could not keep my
laugh another minute, and he was not to see it. Forgive the ninny, thou
a learned man, his ass pranks: what can one expect?"
I inquired whether she, in her nocturnal travelling, had not met with
any spectral persons; though I knew that to her, a wild beast, a river,
a half abyss, are nothing. No, she had not; but the gay-dressed
town's-people, she said, had scared her in the morning. O! how I do
love these soft Harmonica-quiverings of female fright!
181: God be thanked that we live nowhere forever except in Hell or
Heaven; on Earth otherwise we should grow to be the veriest rascals, and
the World a House of Incurables, for want of the dog-doctor (the
Hangman), and the issue-cord (on the Gallows), and the sulphur and
chalybeate medicines (on Battlefields). So that we too find our gigantic
moral force dependent on the Debt of Nature which we have to pay,
exactly as your politicians (for example, the Author of the New
Leviathan) demonstrate that the English have their National Debt to
thank for their superiority.
At last, however, I was forced to bite or cut the coloquinta-apple, and
give her the half of it; I mean the news of my rejected petition for the
Catechetical Professorship. Wishing to spare this joyful heart the
rudeness of the whole truth, and to subtract something from a heavy
burden, more fit for the shoulders of a man, I began: "Bergelchen, the
Professorship affair is taking another, though still a good enough
course: the General, whom may the Devil and his Grandmother teach sense,
will not be taken except by storm; and storm he shall have, as certainly
as I have on my nightcap."
"Then, thou art nothing yet?" inquired she.
"For the moment, indeed, not!" answered I.
"But before Saturday night?" said she.
"Not quite," said I.
"Then am I sore stricken, and could leap out of the window," said she,
and turned away her rosy face, to hide its wet eyes, and was silent very
long. Then, with painfully quivering voice, she began: "Good Christ
stand by me at Neusattel on Sunday, when these high-prancing prideful
dames look at me in church, and I grow scarlet for shame!"
Here in sympathetic woe I sprang out of bed to the dear soul, over whose
brightly blooming cheeks warm tears were rolling, and cried: "Thou true
heart, do not tear me in pieces so! May I die, if yet in these dog-days
I become not all and everything that thou wishest! Speak, wilt thou be
Mining-räthin, Build-räthin, Court-räthin, War-räthin, Chamber-räthin,
Commerce-räthin, Legations-räthin, or Devil and his Dam's räthin: I am
here, and will buy it, and be it. Tomorrow I send riding posts to Saxony
and Hessia, to Prussia and Russia, to Friesland and Katzenellenbogen,
and demand patents. Nay, I will carry matters farther than another, and
be all things at once, Flachsenfingen Court-rath, Scheerau Excise-rath,
Haarhaar Building-rath, Pestitz[6] Chamber-rath (for we have the cash);
and thus, alone and single-handed, represent with one podex and
corpus a whole Rath-session of select Raths; and stand, a complete
Legion of Honour, on one single pair of legs: the like no man ever did."
63: To apprehend danger from the Education of the People, is like
fearing lest the thunderbolt strike into the house because it has
windows; whereas the lightning never comes through these, but through
their lead framing, or down by the smoke of the chimney.
"O! now thou art angel-good!" said she, and gladder tears rolled down;
"thou shalt counsel me thyself which are the finest Raths, and these we
will be."
"No," continued I, in the fire of the moment, "neither shall this serve
us: to me it is not enough that to Mrs. Chaplain thou canst announce
thyself as Building-räthin, to Mrs. Town-parson as Legations-räthin, to
Mrs. Bürgermeister as Court-räthin, to Mrs. Road-and-toll-surveyor as
Commerce-räthin, or how and where thou pleasest——"
"Ah! my own too good Attelchen!" said she.
"—But," continued I, "I shall likewise become corresponding member of
the several Learned Societies in the several best capital cities (among
which I have only to choose); and truly no common actual member, but a
whole honorary member; then thee, as another honorary member, growing
out of my honorary membership, I uplift and exalt."
Pardon me, my Friends, this warm cataplasm, or deception-balsam for a
wounded breast, whose blood is so pure and precious, that one may be
permitted to endeavour, with all possible stanching-lints and
spider-webs, to drive it back into the fair heart, its home.
But now came bright and brightest hours. I had conquered Time, I had
conquered myself and Berga: seldom does a conqueror, as I did, bless
both the victorious and the vanquished party. Berga called back her
former Heaven, and pulled off her dusty boots, and on her flowery shoes.
Precious morning beverage, intoxicating to a heart that loves! I felt
(if the low figure may be permitted) a double-beer of courage in me, now
that I had one being more to protect. In general it is my nature—which
the honourable Premier seems not to be fully aware of—to grow bolder
not among the bold, but fastest among poltroons, the bad example acting
on me by the rule of contraries. Little touches may in this case shadow
forth man and wife, without casting them into the shade: When the trim
waiter with his green silk apron brought up cracknels for breakfast,
and I told him: "Johann, for two!" Berga said: "He would oblige her very
much," and called him Herr Johann.
76: Your economical, preaching Poetry, apparently supposes that a
surgical Stone-cutter is an Artistical one; and a Pulpit or a Sinai a
Hill of the Muses.
Bergelchen, more familiar with rural burghs than capital cities, felt a
good deal amazed and alarmed at the coffee-trays, dressing-tables,
paper-hangings, sconces, alabaster inkholders, with Egyptian emblems, as
well as at the gilt bell-handle, lying ready for any one to pull out or
to push in. Accordingly, she had not courage to walk through the hall,
with its lustres, purely because a whistling, whiffling Cap-and-feather
was gesturing up and down in it. Nay, her poor heart was like to fail
when she peeped out of the window at so many gay promenading
town's-people (I was briskly whistling a Gascon air down over them); and
thought that in a little while, at my side, she must break into the
middle of this dazzling courtly throng. In a case like this, reasons are
of less avail than examples. I tried to elevate my Bergelchen, by
reciting some of my nocturnal dream-feats; for example, how, riding on a
whale's back, with a three-pronged fork, I had pierced and eaten three
eagles; and by more of the like sort: but I produced no effect; perhaps,
because to the timid female heart the battle-field was presented rather
than the conqueror, the abyss rather than the overleaper of it.
At this time a sheaf of newspapers was brought me, full of gallant
decisive victories. And though these happen only on one side, and on the
other are just so many defeats, yet the former somehow assimilate more
with my blood than the latter, and inspire me (as Schiller's Robbers
used to do) with a strange inclination to lay hold of some one, and
thrash and curry him on the spot. Unluckily for the waiter, he had
chanced, even now, like a military host, to stand a triple bell-order
for march, before he would leave his ground and come up. "Sir," began I,
my head full of battle-fields, and my arm of inclination to baste him;
and Berga feared the very worst, as I gave her the well-known anger and
alarm signal, namely, shoved up my cap to my hindhead—"Sir, is this
your way of treating guests? Why don't you come promptly? Don't come so
again; and now be going, friend!" Although his retreat was my victory,
I still kept briskly cannonading on the field of action, and fired the
louder (to let him hear it), the more steps he descended in his flight.
Bergelchen,—who felt quite horrorstruck at my fury, particularly in a
quite strange house, and at a quality waiter with silk apron,—mustered
all her soft words against the wild ones of a man-of-war, and spoke of
dangers that might follow. "Dangers," answered I, "are just what I seek;
but for a man there are none; in all cases he will either conquer or
evade them, either show them front or back."
115: According to Smith, the universal measure of economical value
is Labour. This fact, at least in regard to spiritual and poetical
value, we Germans had discovered before Smith; and to my knowledge we
have always preferred the learned poet to the poet of genius, and the
heavy book full of labour to the light one full of sport.
I could scarcely lay aside this indignant mood, so sweet was it to me,
and so much did I feel refreshed by the fire of rage, and quickened in
my breast as by a benignant stimulant. It belongs certainly to the class
of Unrecognised Mercies (on which, in ancient times, special sermons
were preached), that one is never more completely in his Heaven and
Monplaisir (a pleasure-palace) than while in the midst of right hearty
storming and indignation. Heavens! what might not a man of weight
accomplish in this new walk of charity! The gall-bladder is for us the
chief swimming-bladder and Montgolfier; and the filling of it costs us
nothing but a contumelious word or two from some bystander. And does not
the whirlwind Luther, with whom I nowise compare myself, confess, in his
Table-talk, that he never preached, sung, or prayed so well, as while
in a rage? Truly, he was a man sufficient of himself to rouse many
others into rage.
The whole morning till noon now passed in viewing sights, and
trafficking for wares; and indeed, for the greatest part, in the broad
street of our Hotel. Berga needed but to press along with me into the
market throng; needed but to look, and see that she was decorated more
according to the fashion than hundreds like her. But soon, in her care
for household gear, she forgot that of dress, and in the potter-market
the toilette-table faded from her thoughts.
I, for my share, full of true tedium, while gliding after her through
her various marts, with their long cheapenings and chafferings, merely
acted the Philosopher hid within me: I weighed this empty Life, and the
heavy value which is put upon it, and the daily anxiety of man lest it,
this lightest down-feather of the Earth, fly off, and feather him, and
take him with it. These thoughts, perhaps, I owe to the street-fry of
boys, who were turning their market-freedom to account, by throwing
stones at one another all round me: for, in the midst of this tumult, I
vividly figured myself to be a man who had never seen war; and who,
therefore, never having experienced, that often of a thousand bullets
not one will hit, feels apprehensive of these few silly stones lest they
beat-in his nose and eyes. O! it is the battle-field alone that sows,
manures and nourishes true courage, courage even for daily, domestic and
smallest perils. For not till he comes from the battle-field can a man
both sing and cannonade; like the canary-bird, which, though so
melodious, so timid, so small, so tender, so solitary, so
soft-feathered, can yet be trained to fire off cannon, though cannon of
smaller calibre.
4: The Hypocrite does not imitate the old practice, of cutting
fruit by a knife poisoned only on the one side, and giving the poisoned
side to the victim, the cutter eating the sound side himself; on the
contrary, he so disinterestedly inverts this practice, that to others he
shows and gives the sound moral half, or side, and retains for himself
the poisoned one. Heavens! compared with such a man, how wicked does the
Devil seem!
After dinner (in our room), we issued from the Purgatory of the
market-tumult,—where Berga, at every booth, had something to order, and
load her attendant maid with,—into Heaven, into the Dog Inn, as the
best Flätz public and pleasure-house without the gates is named, where,
in market-time, hundreds turn in, and see thousands going by. On the way
thither, my little wife, my elbow-tendril, as it were, had extracted
from me such a measure of courage, that, while going through the Gate
(where I, aware of the military order that you must not pass near the
sentry, threw myself over to the other side), she quietly glided on,
close by the very guns and fixed bayonets of the City Guard. Outside the
wall, I could direct her with my finger, to the bechained, begrated,
gigantic Schabacker-Palace, mounting up even externally on stairs, where
I last night had called and (it may be) stormed: "I had rather take a
peep at the Giant," said she, "and the Dwarf: why else are we under one
roof with them?"
In the pleasure-house itself we found sufficient pleasure; encircled, as
we were, with blooming faces and meadows. In my secret heart, I all
along kept looking down, with success, on Schabacker's refusal; and till
midnight made myself a happy day of it: I had deserved it, Berga still
more. Nevertheless, about one in the morning, I was destined to find a
windmill to tilt with; a windmill, which truly lays about it with
somewhat longer, stronger and more numerous arms than a giant, for which
Don Quixote might readily enough have taken it. On the market-place, for
reasons more easily fancied than specified in words, I let Berga go
along some twenty paces before me; and I myself, for these foresaid
reasons, retire without malice behind a covered booth, the tent most
probably of some rude trader; and linger there a moment according to
circumstances: lo! steering hither with dart and spear, comes the
Booth-watcher, and coins and stamps me, on the spot, into a filcher and
housebreaker of his Booth-street; though the simpleton sees nothing but
that I am standing in the corner, and doing anything but—taking. A
sense of honour without callosity is never blunted for such attacks. But
how in the dead of night was a man of this kind, who had nothing in his
head—at the utmost beer, instead of brains—to be enlightened on the
truth of the matter?
67: Individual Minds, nay Political Bodies, are like organic
bodies: extract the interior air from them, the atmosphere crushes
them together; pump off under the bell the exterior resisting air, the
interior inflates and bursts them. Therefore, let every State keep up
its internal and its external resistance both at once.
I shall not conceal my perilous resource: I seized the fox by the tail,
as we say; in other words, I made as if I had been muddled, and knew not
rightly, in my liquor, what I was about: I therefore mimicked everything
I was master of in this department; staggered hither and thither;
splayed out my feet like a dancing-master; got into zigzag in spite of
all efforts at the straight line; nay, I knocked my good head (perhaps
one of the clearest and emptiest of the night), like a full one, against
real posts.
However, the Booth-bailiff, who probably had been oftener drunk than I,
and knew the symptoms better, or even felt them in himself at this
moment, looked upon the whole exhibition as mere craft, and shouted
dreadfully: "Stop, rascal; thou art no more drunk than I! I know thee of
old. Stand, I say, till I speak to thee! Wouldst have thy long finger in
the market, too? Stand, dog, or I'll make thee!"
You see the whole nodus of the matter: I whisked away zigzag among the
booths as fast as possible, from the claws of this rude Tosspot; yet he
still hobbled after me. But my Teutoberga, who had heard somewhat of it,
came running back; clutched the tipsy market-warder by the collar, and
said (shrieking, it is true, in village-wise): "Stupid sot, go sleep the
drink out of thy head, or I'll teach thee! Dost know, then, whom thou
art speaking to? My husband, Army-chaplain Schmelzle under General and
Minister von Schabacker at Pimpelstadt, thou blockhead!—Fye! Take
shame, fellow!" The watchman mumbled: "Meant no harm," and reeled about
his business. "O thou Lioness!" said I, in the transport of love, "why
hast thou never been in any deadly peril, that I might show thee the
Lion in thy husband?"
8: In great Saloons, the real stove is masked into a pretty
ornamented sham stove; so likewise, it is fit and pretty that a virgin
Love should always hide itself in an interesting virgin Friendship.
12: Nations—unlike rivers, which precipitate their impurities in
level places and when at rest—drop their baseness just whilst in the
most violent motion; and become the dirtier the farther they flow along
through lazy flats.
Thus lovingly we both reached home; and perhaps in the sequel of this
Fair day might still have enjoyed a glorious after-midnight, had not the
Devil led my eye to the ninth volume of Lichtenberg's Works, and the
206th page, where this passage occurs: "It is not impossible that at a
future period, our Chemists may light on some means of suddenly
decomposing the Atmosphere by a sort of Ferment. In this way the world
may be destroyed." Ah! true indeed! Since the Earth-ball is lapped up in
the larger Atmospheric ball, let but any chemical scoundrel, in the
remotest scoundrel-island, say in New Holland, devise some decomposing
substance for the Atmosphere, like what a spark of fire would be for a
powder-wagon: in a few seconds, the monstrous devouring world-storm
catches me and you in Flätz by the throat; my breathing, and the like,
in this choke-air is over, and the whole game ended! The Earth becomes a
boundless gallows, where the very cattle are hanged: worm-powder, and
bug-liquor, Bradly ant-ploughs, and rat-poison, and wolf-traps are, in
this universal world-trap and world-poison, no longer specially needful;
and the Devil takes the whole, in the Bartholomew-night, when this
cursed "Ferment" is invented.
From the true soul, however, I concealed these deadly Night Thoughts;
seeing she would either painfully have sympathised in them, or else
mirthfully laughed at them. I merely gave orders that next morning
(Saturday) she was to be standing booted and ready, at the outset of the
returning coach; if so were she would have me speedily fulfil her wishes
in regard to that stock of Rathships which lay so near her heart. She
rejoiced in my purpose, gladly surrendering the market for such
prospects. I too slept sound, my great toe tied to her finger, the whole
night through.
28: When Nature takes the huge old Earth-round, the Earth-loaf,
and kneads it up again, for the purpose of introducing under this
pie-crust new stuffing and Dwarfs,—she then, for most part, as a mother
when baking will do to her daughters, gives in jest a little fraction of
the dough (two or three thousand square leagues of such dough are enough
for a child) to some Poetical or Philosophical, or Legislative polisher,
that so the little elf may have something to be shaping and
manufacturing beside its mother. And when the other young ones get a
taste of sisterkin's baking, they all clap hands, and cry: "Aha, Mother!
canst; bake, like Suky here?"
The Dragoon, next morning, twitched me by the ear, and secretly
whispered into it that he had a pleasant fairing to give his sister; and
so would ride off somewhat early, on the nag he had yesterday purchased
of the horse-dealer. I thanked him beforehand.
At the appointed hour, all gaily started from the Staple, I excepted;
for I still retained, even in the fairest daylight, that nocturnal
Devil's-Ferment and Decomposition (of my cerebral globe as well as of
the Earth-globe) fermenting in my head; a proof that the night had not
affected me, or exaggerated my fear. The Blind Passenger, whom I liked
so ill, also mounted along with us, and looked at me as usual, but
without effect; for on this occasion, when the destruction not of myself
only, but of worlds, was occupying my thoughts, the Passenger was
nothing to me but a joke and a show: as a man, while his leg is being
sawed off, does not feel the throbbing of his heart; or amid the humming
of cannon, does not guard himself from that of wasps; so to me any
Passenger, with all the fire-brands he might throw into my near or
distant Future, could appear but ludicrous, at a time when I was
reflecting that the "Ferment" might, even in my journey between Flätz
and Neusattel, be, by some American or European man of science, quite
guiltlessly experimenting and decomposing, hit upon by accident and let
loose. The question, nay prize-question now, however, were this: "In how
far, since Lichtenberg's threatening, it may not appear world-murderous
and self-murderous, if enlightened Potentates of chemical nations do not
enjoin it on their chemical subjects, who in their decompositions and
separations may so easily separate the soul from their body, and unite
Heaven with Earth,—not in future to make any other chemical experiments
than those already made, which hitherto have profited the State rather
than harmed it?"
Unfortunately, I continued sunk in this Domsday of the Ferment with all
my thoughts and meditations, without, in the whole course of our return
from Flätz to Neusattel, suffering or observing anything, except that I
actually arrived there, and at the same time saw the Blind Passenger
once more go his ways.
My Bergelchen alone had I constantly looked at by the road, partly that
I might still see her, so long as life and eyes endured; partly that,
even at the smallest danger to her, be it a great, or even
all-over-sweeping Deluge and World's-doom, I might die, if not for
her, at least by her, and so united with that stanch true heart, cast
away a plagued and plaguing life, in which, at any rate, not half of my
wishes for her have been fulfilled.
So then were my Journey over,—crowned with some Historiolæ; and in
time coming, perhaps, still more rewarded through you, ye Friends about
Flätz, if in these pages you shall find any well-ground pruning-knives,
whereby you may more readily out-root the weedy tangle of Lies, which
for the present excludes me from the gallant Schabacker:—Only this
cursed Ferment still sits in my head. Farewell then, so long as there
are Atmospheres left us to breathe. I wish I had that Ferment out of my
head.
Yours always,
Attila Schmelzle.
P.S.—My Brother-in-law has kept his promise well, and Berga is dancing.
Particulars in my next!
DOWN TO OUR OWN TIMES;
EXTRACTED FROM
FIFTEEN LETTER-BOXES BY JEAN PAUL.
Merchants, Authors, young Ladies and Quakers, call all persons, with
whom they have any business, Friends; and my readers accordingly are my
table and college Friends. Now, at this time, I am about presenting so
many hundred Friends with just as many hundred gratis copies; and my
Bookseller has orders to supply each on request, after the Fair, with
his copy—in return for a trifling consideration and don gratuit to
printers, pressmen and other such persons. But as I could not, like the
French authors, send the whole Edition to the binder, the blank leaf in
front was necessarily wanting; and thus to write a complimentary word or
two upon it was out of my power. I have therefore caused a few white
leaves to be inserted directly after the title-page: on these we are now
printing.
My Book contains the Life of a Schoolmaster, extracted and compiled from
various public and private documents. With this Biography, dear Friends,
it is the purpose of the Author not so much to procure you a pleasure,
as to teach you how to enjoy one. In truth, King Xerxes should have
offered his prize-medals not for the invention of new pleasures, but for
a good methodology and directory to use the old ones.
Of ways for becoming happier (not happy) I could never inquire out more
than three. The first, rather an elevated road, is this: To soar away so
far above the clouds of life, that you see the whole external world,
with its wolf-dens, charnel-houses and thunder-rods, lying far down
beneath you, shrunk into a little child's garden. The second is: Simply
to sink down into this little garden; and there to nestle yourself so
snugly, so homewise, in some furrow, that in looking out from your warm
lark-nest, you likewise can discern no wolf-dens, charnel-houses or
thunder-rods, but only blades and ears, every one of which, for the
nest-bird, is a tree, and a sun-screen, and rain-screen. The third,
finally, which I look upon as the hardest and cunningest, is that of
alternating between the other two.
This I shall now satisfactorily expound to men at large.
The Hero, the Reformer, your Brutus, your Howard, your Republican, he
whom civic storm, or genius, poetic storm, impels; in short, every
mortal with a great Purpose, or even a perennial Passion (were it but
that of writing the largest folios), all these men fence themselves in
by their internal world against the frosts and heats of the external, as
the madman in a worse sense does: every fixed idea, such as rules
every genius, every enthusiast, at least periodically, separates and
elevates a man above the bed and board of this Earth, above its
Dog's-grottoes, buckthorns and Devil's-walls; like the Bird of Paradise,
he slumbers flying; and on his outspread pinions, oversleeps
unconsciously the earthquakes and conflagrations of Life, in his long
fair dream of his ideal Motherland,—Alas! to few is this dream granted;
and these few are so often awakened by Flying Dogs![30]
This skyward track, however, is fit only for the winged portion of the
human species, for the smallest. What can it profit poor quill-driving
brethren, whose souls have not even wing-shells, to say nothing of
wings? Or these tethered persons with the best back, breast and neck
fins, who float motionless in the wicker Fish-box of the State, and are
not allowed to swim, because the Box or State, long ago tied to the
shore, itself swims in the name of the Fishes? To the whole standing and
writing host of heavy-laden State-domestics, Purveyors, Clerks of all
departments, and all the lobsters packed together heels over head into
the Lobster-basket of the Government office-rooms, and for refreshment,
sprinkled over with a few nettles; to these persons, what way of
becoming happy here, can I possibly point out?
My second merely; and that is as follows: To take a compound
microscope, and with it to discover, and convince themselves, that their
drop of Burgundy is properly a Red Sea, that butterfly-dust is
peacock-feathers, mouldiness a flowery-field, and sand a heap of jewels.
These microscopic recreations are more lasting than all costly
watering-place recreations.—But I must explain these metaphors by new
ones. The purpose, for which I have sent Fixleins Life into the
Messrs. Lübeks' Warehouse, is simply that in this same
Life,—therefore in this Preface it is less needful,—I may show to
the whole Earth that we ought to value little joys more than great ones,
the nightgown more than the dresscoat; that Plutus' heaps are worth less
than his handfuls, the plum than the penny for a rainy day; and that not
great, but little good-haps can make us happy.—Can I accomplish this, I
shall, through means of my Book, bring up for Posterity, a race of men
finding refreshment in all things; in the warmth of their rooms and of
their nightcaps; in their pillows; in the three High Festivals; in mere
Apostles' days; in the Evening Moral Tales of their wives, when these
gentle persons have been forth as ambassadresses visiting some Dowager
Residence, whither the husband could not be persuaded; in the
bloodletting-day of these their news-bringers; in the day of
slaughtering, salting, potting against the rigour of grim winter; and in
all such days. You perceive, my drift is that man must become a little
Tailor-bird, which, not amid the crashing boughs of the storm-tost,
roaring, immeasurable tree of Life, but on one of its leaves, sews
itself a nest together, and there lies snug. The most essential sermon
one could preach to our century, were a sermon on the duty of staying at
home.
The third skyward road is the alternation between the other two. The
foregoing second way is not good enough for man, who here on Earth
should take into his hand not the Sickle only, but also the Plough. The
first is too good for him. He has not always the force, like Rugendas,
in the midst of the Battle to compose Battle-pieces; and, like
Backhuysen in the Shipwreck, to clutch at no board but the drawing-board
to paint it on. And then his pains are not less lasting than his
fatigues. Still oftener is Strength denied its Arena: it is but the
smallest portion of life that, to a working soul, offers Alps,
Revolutions, Rhine-falls, Worms Diets, and Wars with Xerxes; and for the
whole it is better so: the longer portion of life is a field beaten flat
as a threshing-floor, without lofty Gothard Mountains; often it is a
tedious ice-field, without a single glacier tinged with dawn.
But even by walking, a man rests and recovers himself for climbing; by
little joys and duties, for great. The victorious Dictator must contrive
to plough down his battle Mars-field into a flax and carrot field; to
transform his theatre of war into a parlour theatre, on which his
children may enact some good pieces from the Children's Friend. Can he
accomplish this, can he turn so softly from the path of poetical
happiness into that of household happiness,—then is he little different
from myself, who even now, though modesty might forbid me to disclose
it—who even now, I say, amid the creation of this Letter, have been
enabled to reflect, that when it is done, so also will the Roses and
Elder-berries of pastry be done, which a sure hand is seething in butter
for the Author of this Work.
As I purpose appending to this Letter a Postscript (at the end of the
Book), I reserve somewhat which I had to say about the Third[31]
half-satirical half-philosophical part of the Work, till that
opportunity.
Here, out of respect for the rights of a Letter, the Author drops his
half anonymity,[32] and for the first time subscribes himself with his
whole true name,
Jean Paul Friedrich Richter.
Hof in Voigtland, 29th June 1795.
Dog-days Vacation. Visits. An Indigent of Quality.
Egidius Zebedæus Fixlein had just for eight days been Quintus,[33] and
fairly commenced his teaching duties, when Fortune tabled out for him
four refreshing courses and collations, besprinkled with flowers and
sugar. These were the four canicular weeks. I could find in my heart, at
this hour, to pat the cranium of that good-man who invented the Dog-days
Vacation: I never go to walk in that season, without thinking how a
thousand down-pressed pedagogic persons are now erecting themselves in
the open air; and the stiff knapsack is lying unbuckled at their feet,
and they can seek whatsoever their soul desires; butterflies,—or roots
of numbers,—or roots of words,—or herbs,—or their native villages.
The last did our Fixlein. He moved not, however, till Sunday,—for you
like to know how holidays taste in the city; and then, in company with
his Shock and a Quintaner, or Fifth-Form boy, who carried his Green
nightgown, he issued through the gate in the morning. The dew was still
lying; and as he reached the back of the gardens, the children of the
Orphan Hospital were uplifting with clear voices their morning hymn. The
city was Flachsenfingen, the village Hukelum, the dog Schil, and the
year of Grace 1791.
"Manikin," said he to the Quintaner, for he liked to speak as Love,
children, and the people of Vienna do, in diminutives, "Manikin, give me
the bundle to the village: run about, and seek thee a little bird, as
thou art thyself, and so have something to pet too in vacation-time."
For the manikin was at once his page, lackey, room-comrade, train-bearer
and gentleman-in-waiting; and the Shock also was his manikin.
He stept slowly along, through the crisped cole-beds, overlaid with
coloured beads of dew; and looked at the bushes, out of which, when the
morning wind bent them asunder, there seemed to start a flight of
jewel-colibri, so brightly did they glitter. From time to time he drew
the bell-rope of his—whistle, that the manikin might not skip away too
far; and he shortened his league and half of road, by measuring it not
in leagues, but in villages. It is more pleasant for pedestrians—for
geographers it is not—to count by wersts than by miles. In walking, our
Quintus farthermore got by heart the few fields, on which the grain was
already reaped.
But now roam slower, Fixlein, through his Lordship's garden of Hukelum;
not, indeed, lest thy coat sweep away any tulip-stamina, but that thy
good mother may have time to lay her Cupid's-band of black taffeta about
her smooth brow. I am grieved to think my fair readers take it ill of
her, that she means first to iron this same band: they cannot know that
she has no maid; and that today the whole Preceptorial dinner—the money
purveyances the guest has made over to her three days before—is to be
arranged and prepared by herself, without the aid of any Mistress of the
Household whatever; for indeed she belongs to the Tiers Etat, being
neither more nor less than a gardener's widow.
You can figure how this true, warm-hearted mother may have lain in wait
all morning for her Schoolman, whom she loved as the apple of her eye;
since, on the whole populous Earth, she had not (her first son, as well
as her husband, was dead) any other for her soul, which indeed
overflowed with love; not any other but her Zebedäus. Could she ever
tell you aught about him, I mean aught joyful, without ten times wiping
her eyes? Nay, did she not once divide her solitary Kirmes (or
Churchale) cake between two mendicant students, because she thought
Heaven would punish her for so feasting, while her boy in Leipzig had
nothing to feast on, and must pass the cake-garden like other gardens,
merely smelling at it?
"Dickens! Thou already, Zebedäus!" said the mother, giving an
embarrassed smile, to keep from weeping, as the son, who, had ducked
past the window, and crossed the grassy threshold without knocking,
suddenly entered. For joy she forgot to put the heater into the
smoothing-iron, as her illustrious scholar, amid the loud boiling of the
soup, tenderly kissed her brow, and even said Mamma; a name which
lighted on her breast like downy silk. All the windows were open; and
the garden, with its flower-essences, and bird-music, and
butterfly-collections, was almost half within the room: but I suppose I
have not yet mentioned that the little garden-house, rather a chamber
than a house, was situated on the western cape of the Castle garden. The
owner had graciously allowed the widow to retain this dowager-mansion;
as indeed the mansion would otherwise have stood empty, for he now kept
no gardener.
But Fixlein, in spite of his joy, could not stay long with her; being
bound for the Church, which, to his spiritual appetite, was at all times
a king's kitchen; a mother's. A sermon pleased him simply because it was
a sermon, and because he himself had once preached one. The mother was
contented he should go: these good women think they enjoy their guests,
if they can only give them aught to enjoy.
In the choir, this Free-haven and Ethnic Forecourt of stranger
church-goers, he smiled on all parishioners; and, as in his childhood,
standing under the wooden wing of an archangel, he looked down on the
coifed parterre. His young years now enclosed him like children in
their smiling circle; and a long garland wound itself in rings among
them, and by fits they plucked flowers from it, and threw them in his
face: Was it not old Senior Astman that stood there on the pulpit
Parnassus, the man by whom he had been so often flogged, while acquiring
Greek with him from a grammar written in Latin, which he could not
explain, yet was forced to walk by the light of? Stood there not behind
the pulpit-stairs the sacristy-cabin, and in this was there not a
church-library of consequence—no schoolboy could have buckled it wholly
in his book-strap—lying under the minever cover of pastil dust? And did
it not consist of the Polyglott in folio, which he, spurred on by
Pfeiffer's Critica Sacra, had turned up leaf by leaf, in his early
years, excerpting therefrom the literæ inversæ, majusculæ,
minusculæ, and so forth, with an immensity of toil? And could he not
at present, the sooner the more readily, have wished to cast this
alphabetic soft-fodder into the Hebrew letter-trough, whereto your
Oriental Rhizophagi (Root-eaters) are tied, especially as here they get
so little vowel hard-fodder to keep them in heart?—Stood there not
close by him the organ-stool, the throne to which, every Apostle-day,
the Schoolmaster had by three nods elevated him, thence to fetch down
the sacred hyssop, the sprinkler of the Church?
My readers themselves will gather spirits when they now hear that our
Quintus, during the outshaking of the poor-bag, was invited by the
Senior to come over in the afternoon; and to them, it will be little
less gratifying than if he had invited themselves. But what will they
say, when they get home with him to mother and dinner-table, both
already clad in their white Sunday dress; and behold the large cake
which Fräulein Thiennette (Stephanie) has rolled from her peel? In the
first place, however, they will wish to know who she is?
She is,—for if (according to Lessing) in the very excellence of the
Iliad, we neglect the personalities of its author; the same thing will
apply to the fate of several authors, for instance to my own; but an
authoress of cakes must not be forgotten in the excellence of her
baking,—Thiennette is a poor, indigent, insolvent young lady; has not
much, except years, of which she counts five-and-twenty; no near
relations living now; no acquirements (for in literature she does not
even know Werter) except economical; reads no books, not even mine;
inhabits, that is, watches like a wardeness, quite alone, the thirteen
void disfurnished chambers of the Castle of Hukelum, which belongs to
the Dragoon Rittmeister Aufhammer, at present resident in his other
mansion of Schadeck: on occasion, she commands and feeds his soccagers
and handmaids; and can write herself By the grace of God,—which, in the
thirteenth century, the country nobles did as well as princes,—for she
lives by the grace of man, at least of woman, the Lady Rittmeisterinn
Aufhammer's grace, who, at all times, blesses those vassals whom her
husband curses. But, in the breast of the orphaned Thiennette lay a
sugared marchpane heart, which, for very love, you could have devoured:
her fate was hard, but her soul was soft; she was modest, courteous and
timid, but too much so;—cheerfully and coldly she received the most
cutting humiliations in Schadeck, and felt no pain, and not till some
days after did she see it all clearly, and then these cuts began sharply
to bleed, and she wept in her loneliness over her lot.
It is hard for me to give a light tone, after this deep one, and to add,
that Fixlein had been almost brought up beside her, and that she, his
school-moiety over with the Senior, while the latter was training him
for the dignities of the Third Form, had learned the Verba Anomala
along with him.
The Achilles'-shield of the cake, jagged and embossed with carved work
of brown scales, was whirling round in the Quintus like a swing-wheel of
hungry and thankful ideas. Of that philosophy which despises eating, and
of that high breeding which wastes it, he had not so much about him as
belongs to the ungratefulness of such cultivated persons; but for his
platter of meat, for his dinner of herbs, he could never give thanks
enough.
Innocent and contented, the quadruple dinner-party,—for the Shock with
his cover under the stove cannot be omitted,—now began their Feast of
Sweet Bread, their Feast of Honour for Thiennette, their Grove-feast in
the garden. It may truly be a subject of wonder how a man who has not,
like the King of France, four hundred and forty-eight persons (the
hundred and sixty-one Garçons de la Maison-bouche I do not reckon) in
his kitchen, nor a Fruiterie of thirty-one human bipeds, nor a
Pastry-cookery of three-and-twenty, nor a daily expenditure of 387
livres 21 sous,—how such a man, I say, can eat with any satisfaction.
Nevertheless, to me, a cooking mother is as dear as a whole royal
cooking household, given rather to feed upon me than to feed me.—The
most precious fragments which the Biographer and the World can gather
from this meal, consist of here and there an edifying piece of
table-talk. The mother had much to tell. Thiennette is this night, she
mentions, for the first time, to put on her morning promenade-dress of
white muslin, as also a satin girdle and steel buckle: but, adds she, it
will not sit her; as the Rittmeisterinn (for this lady used to hang her
cast clothes on Thiennette, as Catholics do their cast crutches and
sores on their patron Saints) was much thicker. Good women grudge each
other nothing, save only clothes, husbands and flax. In the fancy of the
Quintus, by virtue of this apparel, a pair of angel pinions were
sprouting forth from the shoulder-blades of Thiennette: for him a
garment was a sort of hollow half-man, to whom only the nobler parts and
the first principles were wanting: he honoured these wrappages and hulls
of our interior, not as an Elegant, or a Critic of Beauty, but because
it was not possible for him to despise aught which he saw others
honouring. Farther, the good mother read to him, as it were, the
monumental inscription of his father, who had sunk into the arms of
Death in the thirty-second year of his age, from a cause which I explain
not here, but in a future Letter-box, having too much affection for the
reader. Our Quintus could not sate himself with hearing of his father.
The fairest piece of news was, that Fräulein Thiennette had sent word
today: "he might visit Her Ladyship tomorrow, as My Lord, his godfather,
was to be absent in town." This, however, I must explain. Old Aufhammer
was called Egidius, and was Fixlein's godfather: but he,—though the
Rittmeisterinn duly covered the cradle of the child with nightly
offerings, with flesh-tithes and grain-tithes,—had frugally made him no
christening present, except that of his name, which proved to be the
very balefulest. For, our Egidius Fixlein, with his Shock, which, by
reason of the French convulsions, had, in company with other emigrants,
run off from Nantes, was but lately returned from college,—when he and
his dog, as ill luck would have it, went to walk in the Hukelum wood.
Now, as the Quintus was ever and anon crying out to his attendant:
"Coosh, Schil" (Couche, Gilles), it must apparently have been the
Devil that had just then planted the Lord of Aufhammer among the trees
and bushes in such a way, that this whole travestying and docking of his
name,—for Gilles means Egidius,—must fall directly into his ear.
Fixlein could neither speak French, nor any offence to mortal: he knew
not head or tail of what couche signified; a word, which, in Paris,
even the plebeian dogs are now in the habit of saying to their valets
de chiens. But there were three things which Von Aufhammer never
recalled; his error, his anger and his word. The provokee, therefore,
determined that the plebeian provoker and honour-stealer should never
more speak to him, or—get a doit from him.
I return. After dinner he gazed out of the little window into the
garden, and saw his path of life dividing into four branches, leading
towards just as many skyward Ascensions; towards the Ascension into the
Parsonage, and that into the Castle to Thiennette, for this day; and
towards the third into Schadeck for the morrow; and lastly, into every
house in Hukelum as the fourth. And now when the mother had long enough
kept cheerfully gliding about on tiptoe, "not to disturb him in studying
his Latin Bible" (the Vulgata), that is, in reading the
Litteratur-zeitung, he at last rose to his own feet; and the humble
joy of the mother ran long after the courageous son, who dared to go
forth and speak to a Senior, quite unappalled. Yet it was not without
reverence that he entered the dwelling of his old, rather gray than
bald-headed teacher, who was not only Virtue itself, but also Hunger,
eating frequently, and with the appetite of Pharaoh's lean kine. A
schoolman, that expects to become a professor, will scarcely deign to
cast an eye on a pastor; but one, who is himself looking up to a
parsonage as to his working-house and breeding-house, knows how to value
such a character. The new parsonage,—as if it had, like a Casa Santa,
come flying out of Erlangen, or the Berlin Friedrichs-strasse, and
alighted in Hukelum,—was for the Quintus a Temple of the Sun, and the
Senior a Priest of the Sun. To be Parson there himself, was a thought
overlaid with virgin honey; such a thought as occurs but one other time
in History, namely, in the head of Hannibal, when he projected stepping
over the Alps, that is to say, over the threshold of Rome.
The landlord and his guest formed an excellent bureau d'esprit: people
of office, especially of the same office, have more to tell each other,
namely, their own history, than your idle May-chafers and
Court-celestials, who must speak only of other people's.—The Senior
made a soft transition from his iron-ware (in the stable furniture), to
the golden age of his Academic life, of which such people like as much
to think, as poets do of their childhood. So good as he was, he still
half joyfully recollected that he had once been less so: but joyful
remembrances of wrong actions are their half repetition, as repentant
remembrances of good ones are their half abolishment.
Courteously and kindly did Zebedäus (who could not even enter in his
Notebook the name of a person of quality without writing an H. for Herr
before it) listen to the Academic Saturnalia of the old gentleman, who
in Wittenberg had toped as well as written, and thirsted not more for
the Hippocrene than for Guk-guk.[34]
Herr Jerusalem has observed, that the barbarism which often springs up,
close on the brightest efflorescence of the sciences, is a sort of
strengthening mudbath, good for averting the over-refinement, wherewith
such efflorescence always threatens us. I believe that a man who
considers how high the sciences have mounted with our upper
classes,—for instance with every Patrician's son in Nürnberg, to whom
the public must present 1000 florins for studying with,—I believe that
such a man will not grudge the Son of the Muses a certain barbarous
Middle-age (the Burschen or Student Life, as it is called), which may
again so case-harden him that his refinement shall not go beyond the
limits. The Senior, while in Wittenberg, had protected the one hundred
and eighty Academic Freedoms,—so many of them has Petrus Rebuffus
summed up,[35]—against prescription, and lost none except his moral
one, of which truly a man, even in a convent, can seldom make much. This
gave our Quintus courage to relate certain pleasant somersets of his
own, which at Leipzig, under the Incubus-pressure of poverty, he had
contrived to execute. Let us hear him: His landlord, who was at the same
time Professor and Miser, maintained in his enclosed court a whole
community of hens: Fixlein, in company with three room-mates, without
difficulty mastered the rent of a chamber, or closet: in general their
main equipments, like Phœnixes, existed but in the singular number;
one bed, in which always the one pair slept before midnight, the other
after midnight, like nocturnal watchmen; one coat, in which one after
the other they appeared in public, and which, like a watch-coat, was the
national uniform of the company; and several other ones, Unities both
of Interest and Place. Nowhere can you collect the stress-memorials and
siege-medals of Poverty more pleasantly and philosophically than at
College; the Academic burgher exhibits to us how many humorists and
Diogeneses Germany has in it. Our Unitarians had just one thing four
times, and that was hunger. The Quintus related, perhaps with a too
pleasurable enjoyment of the recollection, how one of this famishing
coro invented means of appropriating the Professor's hens as just
tribute, or subsidies. He said (he was a Jurist), they must once for all
borrow a legal fiction from the Feudal code, and look on the Professor
as the soccage tenant, to whom the usufruct of the hen-yard and
hen-house belonged; but on themselves, as the feudal superiors of the
same, to whom accordingly the vassal was bound to pay his feudal dues.
And now, that the Fiction might follow Nature, continued he,—"fictio
sequitur naturam,"—it behoved them to lay hold of said Yule-hens, by
direct personal distraint. But into the court-yard there was no getting.
The feudalist, therefore, prepared a fishing-line; stuck a bread-pill on
the hook, and lowered his fishing-tackle, anglerwise, down into the
court. In a few seconds the barb stuck in a hen's throat, and the hen
now communicating with its feudal superior, could silently, like ships
by Archimedes, be heaved aloft to the hungry air-fishing society, where,
according to circumstances, the proper feudal name and title of
possession failed not to be awaiting her: for the updrawn fowls were now
denominated Christmas-fowls, now Forest-hens, Bailiff-hens, Pentecost
and Summer-hens. "I begin," said the angling lord of the manor, "with
taking Rutcher-dues, for so we call the triple and quintuple of the
original quit-rent, when the vassal, as is the case here, has long
neglected payment." The Professor, like any other prince, observed with
sorrow the decreasing population of his hen-yard, for his subjects, like
the Hebrews, were dying by enumeration. At last he had the happiness,
while reading his lecture,—he was just come to the subject of Forest
Salt and Coin Regalities,—to descry, through the window of his
auditorium, a quit-rent hen suspended, like Ignatius Loyola in prayer,
or Juno in her punishment, in middle air: he followed the
incomprehensible direct ascension of the aeronautic animal, and at last
descried at the upper window the attracting artist, and
animal-magnetiser, who had drawn his lot for dinner from the hen-yard
below. Contrary to all expectation, he terminated this fowling sport
sooner than his Lecture on Regalities.
Fixlein walked home, amid the vesperal melodies of the steeple
sounding-holes; and by the road, courteously took off his hat before the
empty windows of the Castle: houses of quality were to him like persons
of quality, as in India the Pagoda at once represents the temple and the
god. To the mother he brought feigned compliments, which she repaid with
authentic ones; for this afternoon she had been over, with her
historical tongue and nature-interrogating eye, visiting the
white-muslin Thiennette. The mother was wont to show her every spare
penny which he dropped into her large empty purse, and so raise him in
the good graces of the Fräulein; for women feel their hearts much more
attracted towards a son, who tenderly reserves for a mother some of his
benefits, than we do to a daughter anxiously caring for her father;
perhaps from a hundred causes, and this among the rest, that in their
experience of sons and husbands they are more used to find these persons
mere six-feet thunder-clouds, forked waterspouts, or even reposing
tornadoes.
Blessed Quintus! on whose Life this other distinction like an order of
nobility does also shine, that thou canst tell it over to thy mother;
as, for example, this past afternoon in the parsonage. Thy joy flows
into another heart, and streams back from it, redoubled, into thy own.
There is a closer approximating of hearts, and also of sounds, than that
of the Echo; the highest approximation melts Tone and Echo into
Resonance together.
It is historically certain that both of them supped this evening; and
that instead of the whole dinner fragments which tomorrow might
themselves represent a dinner, nothing but the cake-offering or pudding
was laid upon the altar of the table. The mother, who for her own child
would willingly have neglected not herself only, but all other people,
now made a motion that to the Quintaner, who was sporting out of doors
and baiting a bird instead of himself, there should no crum of the
precious pastry be given, but only table-bread without the crust. But
the Schoolman had a Christian disposition, and said that it was Sunday,
and the young man liked something delicate to eat as well as he.
Fixlein,—the counterpart of great men and geniuses,—was inclined to
treat, to gift, to gratify a serving house-mate, rather than a man who
is for the first time passing through the gate, and at the next
post-stage will forget both his hospitable landlord and the last
postmaster. On the whole, our Quintus had a touch of honour in him, and
notwithstanding his thrift and sacred regard for money, he willingly
gave it away in cases of honour, and unwillingly in cases of
overpowering sympathy, which too painfully filled the cavities of his
heart, and emptied those of his purse. Whilst the Quintaner was
exercising the jus compascui on the cake, and six arms were peacefully
resting on Thiennette's free-table, Fixlein read to himself and the
company the Flachsenfingen Address-calendar; any higher thing, except
Meusel's Gelehrtes Deutschland,[36] he could not figure: the
Kammerherrs and Raths of the Calendar went tickling over his tongue like
the raisins of the cake; and of the more rich church-livings he, by
reading, as it were levied a tithe.
He purposely remained his own Edition in Sunday Wove-paper; I mean, he
did not lay away his Sunday coat, even when the Prayer-bell tolled; for
he had still much to do.
After supper, he was just about visiting the Fräulein, when he descried
her in person, like a lily dipt in the red twilight, in the
Castle-garden, whose western limit his house constituted, the southern
one being the Chinese wall of the Castle.... By the way, how I got to
the knowledge of all this, what Letter-boxes are, whether I myself was
ever there, &c. &c.,—the whole of this shall, upon my life, be soon and
faithfully communicated to the reader, and that too in the present Book.
Fixlein hopped forth like a Will-o'-wisp into the garden, whose
flower-perfume was mingling with his supper-perfume. No one bowed lower
to a nobleman than he, not out of plebeian servility, nor of
self-interested cringing, but because he thought "a nobleman was a
nobleman." But in this case his bow, instead of falling forwards, fell
obliquely to the right, as it were after his hat: for he had not risked
taking a stick with him; and hat and stick were his proppage and
balance-wheel, in short, his bowing-gear, without which it was out of
his power to produce any courtly bow, had you offered him the High
Church of Hamburg for so doing. Thiennette's mirthfulness soon unfolded
his crumpled soul into straight form, and into the proper tone. He
delivered her a long neat Thanksgiving and Harvest sermon for the scaly
cake; which appeared to her at once kind and tedious. Young women
without the polish of high life reckon tedious pedantry, merely like
snuffing, one of the necessary ingredients of a man: they reverence us
infinitely; and as Lambert could never speak to the King of Prussia, by
reason of his sun-eyes, except in the dark, so they, I believe, often
like better,—also by reason of our sublime air,—if they can catch us
in the dark too. Him Thiennette edified by the Imperial History of
Herr von Aufhammer and Her Ladyship his spouse, who meant to put him,
the Quintus, in her will: her he edified by his Literary History, as
relating to himself and the Subrector; how, for instance, he was at
present vicariating in the Second Form, and ruling over scholars as long
in stature as himself. And thus did the two in happiness, among red
bean-blossoms, red may-chafers, before the red of the twilight burning
lower and lower on the horizon, walk to and fro in the garden; and turn
always with a smile as they approached the head of the ancient
gardeneress, standing like a window-bust through the little lattice,
which opened in the bottom of a larger one.
To me it is incomprehensible he did not fall in love. I know his
reasons, indeed: in the first place, she had nothing; secondly, he had
nothing, and school-debts to boot; thirdly, her genealogical tree was a
boundary-tree and warning-post; fourthly, his hands were tied up by
another nobler thought, which, for good cause, is yet reserved from the
reader. Nevertheless—Fixlein! I durst not have been in thy place! I
should have looked at her, and remembered her virtues and our
school-years, and then have drawn forth my too fusible heart, and
presented it to her as a bill of exchange, or insinuated it as a
summons. For I should have considered that she resembled a nun in two
senses, in her good heart and in her good pastry; that, in spite of her
intercourse with male vassals, she was no Charles Genevieve Louise
Auguste Timothé Eon de Beaumont,[37] but a smooth, fair-haired,
white-capped dove; that she sought more to please her own sex than ours;
that she showed a melting heart, not previously borrowed from the
Circulating Library, in tears, for which in her innocence she rather
took shame than credit.—At the very first cheapening, I should, on
these grounds, have been out with my heart.—Had I fully reflected,
Quintus! that I knew her as myself; that her hands and mine (to wit, had
I been thou) had both been guided by the same Senior to Latin
penmanship; that we two, when little children, had kissed each other
before the glass, to see whether the two image-children would do it
likewise in the mirror; that often we had put hands of both sexes into
the same muff, and there played with them in secret; had I, lastly,
considered that we were here standing before the glass-house, now
splendent in the enamel of twilight, and that on the cold panes of this
glass-house we two (she within, I without) had often pressed our warm
cheeks together, parted only by the thickness of the glass,—then had I
taken this poor gentle soul, pressed asunder by Fate, and seeing, amid
her thunder-clouds, no higher elevation to part them and protect her
than the grave, and had drawn her to my own soul, and warmed her on my
heart, and encompassed her about with my eyes.
In truth, the Quintus would have done so too, had not the
above-mentioned nobler thought, which I yet disclose not, kept him
back. Softened, without knowing the cause—(accordingly he gave his
mother a kiss)—and blessed without having had a literary conversation;
and dismissed with a freight of humble compliments, which he was to
disload on the morrow before the Dragoon Rittmeisterinn, he returned to
his little cottage, and looked yet a long while out of its dark windows,
at the light ones of the Castle. And then, when the first quarter of the
moon was setting, that is, about midnight, he again, in the cool sigh of
a mild, fanning, moist and directly heart-addressing night-breeze,
opened the eyelids of a sight already sunk in dreaming....
Sleep, for today thou hast done naught ill! I, whilst the drooping shut
flower-bell of thy spirit sinks on thy pillow, will look forth into the
breezy night over thy morning footpath, which, through the translucent
little wood, is to lead thee to Schadeck, to thy patroness. All
prosperity attend thee, thou foolish Quintus!—
Frau von Aufhammer. Childhood-Resonance. Authorcraft.
The early piping which the little thrush last night adopted by the
Quintaner from its nest, started for victual about two o'clock, soon
drove our Quintus into his clothes; whose calender-press and
parallel-ruler the hands of his careful mother had been, for she would
not send him to the Rittmeisterinn "like a runagate dog." The Shock was
incarcerated, the Quintaner taken with him, as likewise many wholesome
rules from Mother Fixlein, how to conduct himself towards the
Rittmeisterinn. But the son answered: "Mamma, when a man has been in
company, like me, with high people, with a Fräulein Thiennette, he soon
knows whom he is speaking to, and what polished manners and Saver di
veaver (Savoir vivre) require."
He arrived with the Quintaner, and green fingers (dyed with the leaves
he had plucked on the path), and with a half-nibbled rose between his
teeth, in presence of the sleek lackeys of Schadeck.—If women are
flowers,—though as often silk and Italian and gum-flowers as botanical
ones,—then was Frau von Aufhammer a ripe flower, with (adipose)
neck-bulb, and tuberosity (of lard). Already, in the half of her body,
cut away from life by the apoplexy, she lay upon her lard-pillow but as
on a softer grave: nevertheless, the portion of her that remained was
at once lively, pious and proud. Her heart was a flowing cornucopia to
all men, yet this not from philanthropy, but from rigid devotion: the
lower classes she assisted, cherished and despised, regarding nothing in
them, except it were their piety. She received the bowing Quintus with
the back-bowing air of a patroness; yet she brightened into a look of
kindliness at his disloading of the compliments from Thiennette.
She began the conversation, and long continued it alone, and said,—yet
without losing the inflation of pride from her countenance: "She should
soon die; but the god-children of her husband she would remember in her
will." Farther, she told him directly in the face, which stood there all
over-written with the Fourth Commandment before her, that "he must not
build upon a settlement in Hukelum; but to the Flachsenfingen
Conrectorate (to which the Bürgermeister and Council had the right of
nomination), she hoped to promote him, as it was from the then
Bürgermeister that she bought her coffee, and from the Town-Syndic (he
drove a considerable wholesale and retail trade in Hamburg candles) that
she bought both her wax and tallow lights."
And now by degrees he arrived at his humble petition, when she asked him
sick-news of Senior Astmann, who guided himself more by Luther's
Catechism than by the Catechism of Health. She was Astmann's patroness
in a stricter than ecclesiastical sense; and she even confessed that she
would soon follow this, true shepherd of souls, when she heard, here at
Shadeck, the sound of his funeral-bell. Such strange chemical affinities
exist between our dross and our silver veins; as, for example, here
between Pride and Love: and I could wish that we would pardon this
hypostatic union in all persons, as readily as we do it in the fair,
who, with all their faults, are nevertheless by us,—as, according to Du
Fay, iron, though mixed with any other metal, is, by the
magnet,—attracted and held fast.
Supposing even that the Devil had, in some idle minute, sown a handful
or two of the seeds of Envy in our Quintus' soul, yet they had not
sprouted; and today especially they did not, when he heard the praises
of a man who had been his teacher, and who,—what he reckoned a Titulado
of the Earth, not from vanity but from piety,—was a clergyman. So much,
however, is, according to History, not to be denied: That he now
straight-way came forth with his petition to the noble lady, signifying
that "indeed he would cheerfully content himself for a few years in the
school; but yet in the end he longed to be in some small quiet priestly
office." To her question, "But was he orthodox?" he answered, that "he
hoped so; he had in Leipzig, not only attended all the public lectures
of Dr. Burscher, but also had taken private instructions from several
sound teachers of the faith, well knowing that the Consistorium, in its
examinations as to purity of doctrine, was now more strict than
formerly."
The sick lady required him to make a proof-shot, namely, to administer
to her a sick-bed exhortation. By Heaven! he administered to her one of
the best. Her pride of birth now crouched before his pride of office and
priesthood; for though he could not, with the Dominican monk, Alanus de
Rupe, believe that a priest was greater than God, inasmuch as the latter
could only make a World, but the former a God (in the mass); yet he
could not but fall-in with Hostiensis, who shows that the priestly
dignity is seven thousand six hundred and forty-four times greater than
the kingly, the Sun being just so many times greater than the Moon.—But
a Rittmeisterinn—she shrinks into absolute nothing before a parson.
In the servants' hall he applied to the lackeys for the last annual
series of the Hamburg Political Journal; perceiving, that with these
historical documents of the time, they were scandalously papering the
buttons of travelling raiment. In gloomy harvest evenings, he could now
sit down and read for himself what good news were transpiring in the
political world—twelve months ago.
On a Triumphal Car, full-laden with laurel, and to which Hopes alone
were yoked, he drove home at night, and by the road advised the
Quintaner not to be puffed up with any earthly honour, but silently to
thank God, as himself was now doing.
The thickset blooming grove of his four canicular weeks, and the flying
tumult of blossoms therein, are already painted on three of the sides. I
will now clutch blindfold into his days, and bring out one of them: one
smiles and sends forth its perfumes like another.
Let us take, for instance, the Saint's day of his mother, Clara, the
twelfth of August. In the morning, he had perennial, fireproof joys,
that is to say, Employments. For he was writing, as I am doing. Truly,
if Xerxes proposed a prize for the invention of a new pleasure, any man
who had sat down to write his thoughts on the prize-question, had the
new pleasure already among his fingers. I know only one thing sweeter
than making a book, and that is, to project one. Fixlein used to write
little works, of the twelfth part of an alphabet in size, which in their
manuscript state he got bound by the bookbinder in gilt boards, and
betitled with printed letters, and then inserted them among the literary
ranks of his book-board. Every one thought they were novelties printed
in writing types. He had laboured,—I shall omit his less interesting
performances,—at a Collection of Errors of the Press, in German
writings: he compared Errata with each other; showed which occurred
most frequently; observed that important results were to be drawn from
this, and advised the reader to draw them.
Moreover, he took his place among the German Masorites. He observes
with great justice in his Preface: "The Jews had their Masora to show,
which told them how often every letter was to be found in their Bible;
for example, the Aleph (the A) 42,377 times; how many verses there are
in which all the consonants appear (there are 26 verses), or only eighty
(there are 3); how many verses we have into which 42 words and 160
consonants enter (there is just one, Jeremiah xxi. 7); which is the
middle letter in certain books (in the Pentateuch, it is in Leviticus
xi. 42, the noble V[38]), or in the whole Bible itself. But where have
we Christians any similar Masora for Luther's Bible to show? Has it been
accurately investigated which is the middle word, or the middle letter
here, which vowel appears seldomest, and how often each vowel? Thousands
of Bible-Christians go out of the world, without ever knowing that the
German A occurs 323,015 times (therefore above 7 times oftener than the
Hebrew one) in their Bible."
I could wish that inquirers into Biblical Literature among our Reviewers
would publicly let me know, if on a more accurate summation they find
this number incorrect.[39]
Much also did the Quintus collect: he had a fine Almanac Collection,
a Catechism and Pamphlet Collection; also a Collection of
Advertisements, which he began, is not so incomplete as you most
frequently see such things. He puts high value on his Alphabetical
Lexicon of German Subscribers for Books, where my name also occurs
among the J's.
But what he liked best to produce were Schemes of Books. Accordingly, he
sewed together a large work, wherein he merely advised the Learned of
things they ought to introduce in Literary History, which History he
rated some ells higher than Universal or Imperial History. In his
Prolegomena to this performance, he transiently submitted to the
Literary republic that Hommel had given a register of Jurists who were
sons of wh—, of others who had become Saints; that Baillet enumerates
the Learned who meant to write something; and Ancillon those who wrote
nothing at all; and the Lübeck Superintendent Götze, those who were
shoemakers, those who were drowned; and Bernhard those whose fortunes
and history before birth were interesting. This (he could now continue)
should, as it seems, have excited us to similar muster-rolls and
matriculations of other kinds of Learned; whereof he proposed a few: for
example, of the Learned, who were unlearned; of those who were entire
rascals; of such as wore their own hair,—of cue-preachers,
cue-psalmists, cue-annalists, and so forth; of the Learned who had worn
black leather breeches, of others who had worn rapiers; of the Learned
who had died in their eleventh year,—in their twentieth—twenty-first,
&c.,—in their hundred and fiftieth, of which he knew no instance,
unless the Beggar Thomas Parr might be adduced; of the Learned who wrote
a more abominable hand than the other Learned (whereof we know only
Rolfinken and his letters, which were as long as his hands[40]); or of
the Learned who had clipt nothing from each other but the beard (whereof
no instance is known, save that of Philelphus and Timotheus[41]).
Such by-studies did he carry on along with his official labours: but I
think the State in viewing these matters is actually mad; it compares
the man who is great in Philosophy and Belles Lettres at the expense of
his jog-trot officialities, to concert-clocks, which, though striking
their hours in flute-melodies, are worse time-keepers than your gross
stupid steeple-clocks.
To return to St. Clara's day. Fixlein, after such mental exertions,
bolted out under the music-bushes and rustling-trees; and returned not
again out of warm Nature, till plate and chair were already placed at
the table. In the course of the repast, something occurred which a
Biographer must not omit: for his mother had, by request, been wont to
map out for him, during the process of mastication, the chart of his
child's-world, relating all the traits which in any way prefigured what
he had now grown to. This perspective sketch of his early Past, he
committed to certain little leaves, which merit our undivided attention.
For such leaves exclusively, containing scenes, acts, plays of his
childhood, he used chronologically to file and arrange in separate
drawers in a little child's-desk of his; and thus to divide his
Biography, as Moser did his Publicistic Materials, into separate
letter-boxes. He had boxes or drawers for memorial-letters of his
twelfth, of his thirteenth, fourteenth, &c. of his twenty-first year,
and so on. Whenever he chose to conclude a day of pedagogic drudgery by
an evening of peculiar rest, he simply pulled out a letter-drawer, a
register-bar in his Life-hand-organ, and recollected the whole.
And here must I in reference to those reviewing Mutes, who may be for
casting the noose of strangulation round my neck, most particularly beg,
that, before doing so on account of my Chapters being called
Letter-boxes, they would have the goodness to look whose blame it was,
and to think whether I could possibly help it, seeing the Quintus had
divided his Biography into such Boxes himself: they have Christian
bowels.
But about his elder brother he put no saddening question to his mother:
this poor boy a peculiar Fate had laid hold of, and with all his genial
endowment, dashed to pieces on the iceberg of Death. For he chanced to
leap on an ice-board that had jammed itself among several others; but
these recoiled, and his shot forth with him; melted away as it floated
under his feet, and so sunk his heart of fire amid the ice and waves. It
grieved his mother that he was not found, that her heart had not been
harrowed by the look of the swoln corpse.—O good mother, rather thank
God for it!—
After breakfast, to fortify himself with new vigour for his desk, he
for some time strolled idly over the house, and, like a Police
Fire-inspector, visited all the nooks of his cottage, to gather from
them here and there a live ember from the ash-covered rejoicing-fire of
his childhood. He mounted to the garret, to the empty bird-coops of his
father, who in winter had been a birder; and he transiently reviewed the
lumber of his old playthings, which were lying in the netted enclosure
of a large canary breeding-cage. In the minds of children, it is regular
little forms, such as those of balls and dies, that impress and
express themselves most forcibly. From this may the reader explain to
himself Fixlein's delight in the red acorn-blockhouse, in the sparwork
glued together out of white chips and husks of potato-plums, in the
cheerful glass-house of a cube-shaped lantern, and other the like
products of his early architecture. The following, however, I explain
quite differently: he had ventured, without leave given from any lord of
the manor, to build a clay house; not for cottagers, but for flies; and
which, therefore, you could readily enough have put in your pocket. This
fly-hospital had its glass windows, and a red coat of colouring, and
very many alcoves, and three balconies: balconies, as a sort of house
within a house, he had loved from of old so much, that he could scarcely
have liked Jerusalem well, where (according to Lightfoot) no such thing
is permitted to be built. From the glistening eyes, with which the
architect had viewed his tenantry creeping about the windows or feeding
out of the sugar-trough,—for, like the Count St. Germain, they ate
nothing but sugar,—from this joy an adept in the art of education might
easily have prophesied his turn for household contraction; to his fancy,
in those times, even gardeners'-huts were like large waste Arks and
Halls, and nothing bigger than such a fly-Louvre seemed a true, snug,
citizen's-house. He now felt and handled his old high child's-stool,
which had, in former days, resembled the Sedes Exploratoria of the
Pope; he gave his child's-coach a tug and made it run; but he could not
understand what balsam and holiness so much distinguished it from all
other child's-coaches. He wondered that the real sports of children
should not so delight him, as the emblems of these sports, when the
child that had carried them on was standing grown up to manhood in his
presence.
Before one article in the house he stood heart-melted and sad; before a
little angular clothes-press, which was no higher than my table, and
which had belonged to his poor drowned brother. When the boy with the
key of it was swallowed by the waves, the excruciated mother had made a
vow that this toy-press of his should never be broken up by violence.
Most probably there is nothing in it, but the poor soul's playthings.
Let us look away from this bloody urn.——
Bacon reckons the remembrances of childhood among wholesome medicinal
things; naturally enough, therefore, they acted like a salutary
digestive on the Quintus. He could now again betake him with new heart
to his desk, and produce something quite peculiar—petitions for
church-livings. He took the Address-calendar, and for every country
parish that he found in it, got a petition in readiness; which he then
laid aside, till such time as the present incumbent should decease. For
Hukelum alone he did not solicit.—It is a pretty custom in
Flachsenfingen that for every office which is vacant, you are required,
if you want it, to sue. As the higher use of Prayer consists not in its
fulfilment, but in its accustoming you to pray; so likewise petitionary
papers ought to be given in, not indeed that you may get the
office,—this nothing but your money can do,—but that you may learn to
write petitions. In truth, if among the Calmucks, the turning of a
calabash[42] stands in the place of Prayer, a slight movement of the
purse may be as much as if you supplicated in words.
Towards evening—it was Sunday—he went out roving over the village; he
pilgrimed to his old sporting-places, and to the common where he had so
often driven his snails to pasture; visited the peasant, who, from
school-times upwards, had been wont, to the amazement of the rest, to
thou[43] him; went, an Academic Tutor, to the Schoolmaster; then to
the Senior; then to the Episcopal-barn or church. This last no mortal
understands, till I explain it. The case was this: some three-and-forty
years ago, a fire had destroyed the church (not the steeple), the
parsonage, and—what was not to be replaced—the church-records. (For
this reason, it was only the smallest portion of the Hukelum people that
knew exactly how old they were; and the memory of our Quintus himself
vibrated between adopting the thirty-third year and the thirty-second.)
In consequence, the preaching had now to be carried on where formerly
there had been thrashing; and the seed of the divine word to be turned
over on the same threshing-floor with natural corn-seed. The Chanter and
the Schoolboys took up the threshing-floor; the female
mother-church-people stood on the one sheaves-loft, the Schadeck
womankind on the other; and their husbands clustered pyramidically, like
groschen and farthing-gallery men, about the barn-stairs; and far up on
the straw-loft, mixed souls stood listening. A little flute was their
organ, an upturned beer-cask their altar, round which they had to walk.
I confess, I myself could have preached in such a place, not without
humour. The Senior (at that time still a Junior), while the parsonage
was building, dwelt and taught in the Castle: it was here, accordingly,
that Fixlein had learned the Irregular Verbs with Thiennette.
These voyages of discovery completed, our Hukelum voyager could still,
after evening prayers, pick leaf-insects, with Thiennette, from the
roses; worms from the beds, and a Heaven of joy from every minute. Every
dew-drop was coloured as with oil of cloves and oil of gladness; every
star was a sparkle from the sun of happiness; and in the closed heart of
the maiden, there lay near to him, behind a little wall of separation
(as near to the Righteous man behind the thin wall of Life), an
outstretched blooming Paradise.... I mean, she loved him a little.
He might have known it, perhaps. But to his compressed delight he gave
freer vent, as he went to bed, by early recollections on the stair. For
in his childhood he had been accustomed, by way of evening-prayer, to go
over, under his coverlid, as it were, a rosary, including fourteen Bible
Proverbs, the first verse of the Psalm, "All people that on Earth," the
Tenth Commandment, and, lastly, a long blessing. To get the sooner done
with it, he had used to begin his devotion, not only on the stair, but
before leaving that place where Alexander studied men, and Semler stupid
books. Moored in the haven of the down-waves, he was already over with
his evening supplication; and could now, without farther exertion, shut
his eyes and plump into sleep.——Thus does there lurk, in the smallest
homunculus, the model of—the Catholic Church.
So far the Dog-days of Quintus Zebedäus Egidius Fixlein.—I, for the
second time, close a Chapter of this Life, as Life itself is closed,
with a sleep.
Christmas Recollections. New Occurrence.
For all of us the passage to the grave is, alas! a string of empty
insipid days, as of glass pearls, only here and there divided by an
orient one of price. But you die murmuring, unless, like the Quintus,
you regard your existence as a drum: this has only one single tone,
but variety of time gives the sound of it cheerfulness enough. Our
Quintus taught in the Fourth Class; vicariated in the Second; wrote at
his desk by night; and so lived on in the usual monotonous fashion—all
the time from the Holidays—till Christmas-eve, 1791; and nothing was
remarkable in his history except this same eve, which I am now about to
paint.
But I shall still have time to paint it, after, in the first place,
explaining shortly how, like birds of passage, he had contrived to soar
away over the dim cloudy Harvest. The secret was, he set upon the
Hamburg Political Journal, with which the lackeys of Schadeck had been
for papering their buttons. He could now calmly, with his back at the
stove, accompany the winter campaigns of the foregoing year; and fly
after every battle, as the ravens did after that of Pharsalia. On the
printed paper he could still, with joy and admiration, walk round our
German triumphal arches and scaffoldings for fireworks: while to the
people in the town, who got only the newest newspapers, the very
fragments of these our trophies, maliciously torn down by the French,
were scarcely discernible; nay, with old plans he could drive back and
discomfit the enemy, while later readers in vain tried to resist them
with new ones.
Moreover, not only did the facility of conquering the French prepossess
him in favour of this journal; but also the circumstance that it—cost
him nothing. His attachment to gratis reading was decided. And does not
this throw light on the fact, that he, as Morhof advised, was wont
sedulously to collect the separate leaves of waste-paper books as they
came from the grocer, and to rake among the same, as Virgil did in
Ennius? Nay, for him the grocer was a Fortius (the scholar), or a
Frederick (the king), both which persons were in the habit of simply
cutting from complete books such leaves as contained anything. It was
also this respect for all waste-paper that inspired him with such esteem
for the aprons of French cooks, which it is well known consist of
printed paper; and he often wished some German would translate these
aprons: indeed I am willing to believe that a good version of more than
one of such paper aprons might contribute to elevate our Literature
(this Muse à belles fesses), and serve her in place of drivel-bib.—On
many things a man puts a pretium affectionis, simply because he hopes
he may have half stolen them: on this principle, combined with the
former, our Quintus adopted into his belief anything he could snap away
from an open Lecture, or as a visitor in class-rooms; opinions only for
which the Professor must be paid, he rigorously examined.—I return to
the Christmas-eve.
At the very first, Egidius was glad, because out of doors millers and
bakers were at fisty-cuffs (as we say of drifting snow in large flakes),
and the ice-flowers of the window were blossoming; for external frost,
with a snug warm room, was what he liked. He could now put fir-wood into
his stove, and Mocha coffee into his stomach; and shove his right foot
(not into the slipper, but) under the warm side of his Shock, and also
on the left keep swinging his pet Starling, which was pecking at the
snout of old Schil; and then with the right hand—with the left he was
holding his pipe—proceed, so undisturbed, so intrenched, so cloud-capt,
without the smallest breath of frost, to the highest enterprise which a
Quintus can attempt,—to writing the Class-prodromus of the
Flachsenfingen Gymnasium, namely, the eighth part thereof. I hold the
first printing in the history of a literary man to be more important
than the first printing in the history of Letters: Fixlein could not
sate himself with specifying what he purposed, God willing, in the
following year, to treat of; and accordingly, more for the sake of
printing than of use, he farther inserted three or four pedagogic
glances at the plan of operations to be followed by his schoolmaster
colleagues as a body.
He lastly introduced a few dashes, by way of hooking his thoughts
together; and then laid aside the Opus, and would no longer look at
it, that so, when printed, he might stand astonished at his own
thoughts. And now he could take the Leipzig Fair Catalogue, which he
purchased yearly, instead of the books therein, and open it without a
sigh: he too was in print, as well as I am.
The happy fool, while writing, had shaken his head, rubbed his hands,
hitched about on his chair, puckered his face, and sucked the end of his
cue.—He could now spring up about five o'clock in the evening, to
recreate himself; and across the magic vapour of his pipe, like a
new-caught bird, move up and down in his cage. On the warm smoke, the
long galaxy of street-lamps was gleaming; and red on his bed-curtains
lay the fitful reflection of the blazing windows, and illuminated trees
in the neighbourhood. And now he shook away the snow of Time from the
winter-green of Memory; and beheld the fair years of his childhood,
uncovered, fresh, green and balmy, standing afar off before him. From
his distance of twenty years, he looked into the quiet cottage of his
parents, where his father and his brother had not yet been reaped away
by the sickle of Death. He said to himself: "I will go through the whole
Christmas-eve from the very dawn, as I had it of old."
At his very rising he finds spangles on the table; sacred spangles from
the gold-leaf and silver-leaf, with which the Christ-child[44] has been
emblazoning and coating his apples and nuts, the presents of the
night.—On the mint-balance of joy, this metallic foam pulls heavier
than the golden calves, and golden Pythagoras'-legs, and golden
Philistine-mice of wealthier capitalists.—Then came his mother,
bringing him both Christianity and clothes: for in drawing on his
trousers, she easily recapitulated the Ten Commandments, and, in tying
his garters, the Apostles' Creed. So soon as candle-light was over, and
day-light come, he clambers to the arm of the settle, and then measures
the nocturnal growth of the yellow wiry grove of Christmas-Birch; and
devotes far less attention than usual to the little white
winter-flowerage, which the seeds shaken from the bird-cage are sending
forth in the wet joints of the window-panes.—I nowise grudge J. J.
Rousseau his Flora Petrinsularis;[45] but let him also allow our
Quintus his Window-flora.—There was no such thing as school all day;
so he had time enough to seek his Butcher (his brother), and commence
(when could there be finer frost for it?) the slaughtering of their
winter-meat. Some days before, the brother, at the peril of his life and
of a cudgelling, had caught their stalled-beast—so they called the
sparrow—under a window-sill in the Castle. Their slaughtering wants not
an axe (of wood), nor puddings, nor potted meat.—About three o'clock
the old Gardener, whom neighbours have to call the Professor of
Gardening, takes his place on his large chair, with his Cologne
tobacco-pipe; and after this no mortal shall work a stroke. He tells
nothing but lies; of the aeronautic Christ-child, and the jingling
Ruprecht with his bells. In the dusk, our little Quintus takes an apple;
divides it into all the figures of stereometry, and spreads the
fragments in two heaps on the table: then as the lighted candle enters,
he starts up in amazement at the unexpected present, and says to his
brother: "Look what the good Christ-child has given thee and me; and I
saw one of his wings glittering." And for this same glittering he
himself lies in wait the whole evening.
About eight o'clock,—here he walks chiefly by the chronicle of his
letter-drawer,—both of them, with necks almost excoriated with washing,
and in clean linen, and in universal anxiety lest the Holy Christ-child
find them up, are put to bed. What a magic night!—What tumult of
dreaming hopes!—The populous, motley, glittering cave of Fancy opens
itself, in the length of the night, and in the exhaustion of dreamy
effort, still darker and darker, fuller and more grotesque; but the
awakening gives back to the thirsty heart its hopes. All accidental
tones, the cries of animals, of watchmen, are, for the timidly devout
Fancy, sounds out of Heaven; singing voices of Angels in the air,
church-music of the morning worship.
Ah! it was not the mere Lubberland of sweetmeats and playthings which
then, with its perspective, stormed like a river of joy against the
chambers of our hearts; and which yet, in the moonlight of memory, with
its dusky landscapes, melts our souls in sweetness. Ah! this was it,
that then for our boundless wishes there were still boundless hopes: but
now reality is round us, and the wishes are all that we have left!
At last came rapid lights from the neighbourhood playing through the
window on the walls, and the Christmas trumpets, and the crowing from
the steeple, hurries both the boys from their bed. With their clothes in
their hands, without fear for the darkness, without feeling for the
morning-frost, rushing, intoxicated, shouting, they hurry down-stairs
into the dark room. Fancy riots in the pastry and fruit-perfume of the
still eclipsed treasures, and paints her air-castles by the glimmering
of the Hesperides-fruit with which the Birch-tree is loaded. While their
mother strikes a light, the falling sparks sportfully open and shroud
the dainties on the table, and the many-coloured grove on the wall; and
a single atom of that fire bears on it a hanging garden of Eden.——
—On a sudden all grew light; and the Quintus got—the Conrectorship,
and a table-clock.
Office-brokage. Discovery of the promised Secret. Hans van Füchslein.
For while the Quintus, in his vapoury chamber, was thus running over the
sounding-board of his early years, the Rathsdiener, or City-officer,
entered with a lantern and the Presentation; and behind him the courier
of the Frau von Aufhammer with a note and a table-clock. The
Rittmeisterinn had transformed her payment for the Dog-days
sickbed-exhortation into a Christmas present; which consisted, first,
of a table-clock, with a wooden ape thereon, starting out when the hours
struck, and drumming along with every stroke; secondly, of the
Conrectorate, which she had procured for him.
As in the public this appointment from the private Flachsenfingen
Council has not been judged of as it deserved, I consider it my duty to
offer a defence for the body corporate; and that rather here, than in
the Reichsanzeiger, or Imperial Indicator.—I have already
mentioned, in the Second Letter-Box, that the Town-Syndic drove a trade
in Hamburg candles; and the then Bürgermeister in coffee-beans, which he
sold as well whole as ground. Their joint traffic, however, which they
carried on exclusively, was in the eight School-offices of
Flachsenfingen: the other members of the Council acting only as
bale-wrappers, shopmen and accountants in the Council wareroom. A
Council-house, indeed, is like an India-house, where not only
resolutions or appointments, but also shoes and cloth, are exposed to
sale. Properly speaking, the Councillor derives his freedom of
office-trading from that principle of the Roman law: Cui jus est
donandi, eidem et vendendi jus est, that is to say, He who has the
right of giving anything away, has also a right to dispose of it for
money, if he can. Now as the Council-members have palpably the right of
conferring offices gratis, the right of selling them must follow of
course.
Short Extra-word on Appointment-brokers in general.
My chief anxiety is lest the Academy-product-sale-Commission[46] of the
State carry on its office-trade too slackly. And what but the commonweal
must suffer in the long-run, if important posts are distributed, not
according to the current cash, which is laid down for them, but
according to connexions, relationships, party recommendations, and
bowings and cringings? Is it not a contradiction, to charge titulary
offices dearer than real ones? Should not one rather expect that the
real Hofrath would pay higher by the alterum tantum than the mere
titulary Hofrath?—Money, among European nations, is now the equivalent
and representative of value in all things, and consequently in
understanding; the rather as a head is stamped on it: to pay down the
purchase-money of an office is therefore neither more nor less than to
stand an examen rigorosum, which is held by a good schema
examinandi. To invert this, to pretend exhibiting your qualifications,
in place of these their surrogates, and assignates and monnoie de
confiance, is simply to resemble the crazy philosophers in Gulliver's
Travels, who, for social converse, instead of names of things, brought
the things themselves tied up in a bag; it is, indeed, plainly as much
as trying to fall back into the barbarous times of trade by barter, when
the Romans, instead of the figured cattle on their leather money, drove
forth the beeves themselves.
From all such injudicious notions I myself am so far removed, that often
when I used to read that the King of France was devising new offices, to
stand and sell them under the booth of his Baldaquin, I have set myself
to do something of the like. This I shall now at least calmly propose;
not vexing my heart whether Governments choose to adopt it or not. As
our Sovereign will not allow us to multiply offices purely for sale,
nay, on the contrary, is day and night (like managers of strolling
companies) meditating how to give more parts to one State-actor; and
thus to the Three Stage Unities to add a Fourth, that of Players; as the
above French method, therefore, will not apply, could not we at least
contrive to invent some Virtues harmonising with the offices, along with
which they might be sold as titles? Might we not, for instance, with the
office of a Referendary, put off at the same time a titular
Incorruptibility, for a fair consideration; and so that this virtue, as
not belonging to the office, must be separately paid for by the
candidate? Such a market-title and patent of nobility could not but be
ornamental to a Referendary. We forget that in former times such high
titles were appended to all posts whatsoever: the scholastic Professor
then wrote himself (besides his official designation) "The Seraphic,"
"The Incontrovertible," "The Penetrating;" the King wrote himself "The
Great," "The Bald," "The Bold," and so also did the Rabbins. Could it be
unpleasant to gentlemen in the higher stations of Justice, if the titles
of Impartiality, Rapidity, &c. might be conferred on them by sale, as
well as the posts themselves? Thus with the appointment of a Kammerrath,
or Councillor of Revenue, the virtue of Patriotism might fitly be
conjoined; and I believe, few Advocates would grudge purchasing the
title of Integrity (as well as their common one of Government-advocacy),
were it to be had in the market. If, however, any candidate chose to
take his post without the virtues, then it would stand with himself to
do so, and in the adoption of this reflex morality, Government should
not constrain him.
It might be that, as, according to Tristram Shandy, clothes; according
to Walter Shandy and Lavater, proper names exert an influence on men,
appellatives would do so still more; since, on us, as on testaceous
animals, the foam so often hardens into shell: but such internal
morality is not a thing the State can have an eye to; for, as in the
fine arts, it is not this, but the representation of it, which forms
her true aim.
I have found it rather difficult to devise for our different offices
different verbal-virtues; but I should think there might many such
divisions of Virtue (at this moment, Love of Freedom, Public-spirit,
Sincerity and Uprightness occur to me) be hunted out; were but some
well-disposed minister of state to appoint a Virtue-board or Moral
Address Department, with some half dozen secretaries, who, for a small
salary, might devise various virtues for the various posts. Were I in
their place, I should hold a good prism before the white ray of Virtue,
and divide it completely. Pity that it were not crimes we wanted—their
subdivision I mean;—our country Judges might then be selected for this
purpose. For in their tribunals, where only inferior jurisdiction, and
no penalty above five florins Frankish, is admitted, they have a daily
training how out of every mischief to make several small ones, none of
which they ever punish to a greater amount than their five florins. This
is a precious moral Rolfinkenism, which our Jurists have learned from
the great Sin-cutters, St. Augustin and his Sorbonne, who together have
carved more sins on Adam's Sin-apple than ever Rolfinken did faces on a
cherry-stone. How different one of our Judges from a Papal Casuist, who,
by side-scrapings, will rasp you down the best deadly sin into a
venial!—
School-offices (to come to these) are a small branch of traffic
certainly; yet still they are monarchies,—school-monarchies, to
wit,—resembling the Polish crown, which, according to Pope's verse, is
twice exposed to sale in the century; a statement, I need hardly say,
arithmetically false, Newton having settled the average duration of a
reign at twenty-two years. For the rest, whether the city Council bring
the young of the community a Hameln Rat-and-Child-catcher; or a
Weisse's Child's-friend,—this to the Council can make no difference;
seeing the Schoolmaster is not a horse, for whose secret defects the
horse-dealer is to be responsible. It is enough if Town-Syndic and Co.
cannot reproach themselves with having picked out any fellow of genius;
for a genius, as he is useless to the State, except for recreation and
ornament, would at the very least exclude the duller, cooler head, who
properly forms the true care and profit of the State; as your costly
carat-pearl is good for show alone, but coarse grain-pearls for
medicine. On the whole, if a schoolmaster be adequate to flog his
scholars, it should suffice; and I cannot but blame our Commission of
Inspectors when they go examining schools, that they do not make the
schoolmaster go through the duty of firking one or two young persons of
his class in their presence, by way of trial, to see what is in him.
End of the Extra-word on Appointment-brokers in general.
Now again to our history! The Councillor Heads of the Firm had conferred
the Conrectorate on my hero, not only with a view to the continued
consumpt of candles and beans, but also on the strength of a quite mad
notion: they believed, the Quintus would very soon die.
—And here I have reached a most important circumstance in this History,
and one into which I have yet let no mortal look: now, however, it no
longer depends on my will whether I shall shove aside the folding-screen
from it or not; but I must positively lay it open, nay hang a
reverberating-lamp over it.
In medical history, it is a well-known fact that in certain families the
people all die precisely at the same age, just as in these families they
are all born at the same age (of nine months); nay, from Voltaire, I
recollect one family, the members of which at the same age all killed
themselves. Now, in the Fixleinic lineage, it was the custom that the
male ascendants uniformly on Cantata-Sunday, in their thirty-second
year, took to bed and died: every one of my readers would do well to
insert in his copy of the Thirty-Years War, Schiller having entirely
omitted it, the fact, that in the course thereof, one Fixlein died of
the plague, another of hunger, another of a musket-bullet; all in their
thirty-second year. True Philosophy explains the matter thus: "The first
two or three times, it happened purely by accident; and the other times,
the people died of sheer fright: if not so, the whole fact is rather to
be questioned."
But what did Fixlein make of the affair? Little or nothing: the only
thing he did was, that he took little or no pains to fall in love with
Thiennette; that so no other might have cause for fear on his account.
He himself, however, for five reasons, minded it so little, that he
hoped to be older than Senior Astmann before he died: First, because
three Gipsies, in three different places and at three different times,
had each shown him the same long vista of years in her magic mirror.
Secondly, because he had a sound constitution. Thirdly, because his own
brother had formed an exception, and perished before the thirties.
Fourthly, on this ground: When a boy he had fallen sick of sorrow, on
the very Cantata-Sunday when his father was lying in the winding-sheet,
and only been saved from death by his playthings; and with this
Cantata-sickness, he conceived that he had given the murderous Genius of
his race the slip. Fifthly, the church-books being destroyed, and with
them the certainty of his age, he could never fall into a right
definite deadly fear: "It may be," said he, "that I have got whisked
away over this whoreson year, and no one the wiser." I will not deny
that last year he had fancied he was two-and-thirty: "however," said he,
"if I am not to be so till, God willing, the next (1792), it may run
away as smoothly as the last; am I not always in His keeping? And were
it unjust if the pretty years that were broken off from the life of my
brother should be added to mine?"—Thus, under the cold snow of the
Present, does poor man strive to warm himself, or to mould out of it a
fair snow-man.
The Councillor Oligarchy, however, built upon the opposite opinion; and,
like a Divinity, elevated our Quintus all at once from the Quintusship
to the Conrectorate; swearing to themselves, that he would soon vacate
it again. Properly speaking, by school-seniority, this holy chair should
have belonged to the Subrector Hans von Füchslein; but he wished it not;
being minded to become Hukelum Parson; especially, as Astmann's
Death-angel, according to sure intelligence, was opening more and more
widely the door of this spiritual sheepfold. "If the fellow weather
another year, 'tis more than I expect," said Hans.
This Hans was such a churl, that it is pity he had not been a Hanoverian
Postboy; that so, by the Mandate of the Hanoverian Government, enjoining
on all its Post-officers an elegant style of manners, he might have
somewhat refined himself. To our poor Quintus, whom no mortal disliked,
and who again could hate no mortal, he alone bore a grudge; simply
because Fixlein did not write himself Füchslein, and had not chosen
along with him to purchase a Patent of Nobility. The Subrector, on this
his Patent triumphal chariot, drawn by a team of four specified
ancestors, was obliged to see the Quintus, who was related to him,
clutching by the lackey-straps behind the carriage; and to hear him, in
the most despicable raiment, saying to the train: "He that rides there
is my cousin, and a mortal, and I always remind him of it." The mild
compliant Quintus never noticed this large wasp-poisonbag in the
Subrector, but took it for a honeybag; nay, by his brotherly warmness,
which the nobleman regarded as mere show, he concreted these venomous
juices into still feller consistency. The Quintus, in his simplicity,
took Füchslein's contempt for envy of his pedagogic talents.
A Catherinenhof, an Annenhof, an Elizabethhof, Stralenhof and Petershof,
all these Russian pleasure palaces, a man can dispense with (if not
despise), who has a room, in which on Christmas-eve he walks about with
a Presentation in his hand. The new Conrector now longed for nothing
but—daylight: joys always (cares never) nibbled from him, like
sparrows, his sleep-grains; and tonight, moreover, the registrator of
his glad time, the clock-ape, drummed out every hour to him, which,
accordingly, he spent in gay dreaming, rather than in sound snoring.
On Christmas-morn, he looked at his Class-prodromus, and thought but
little of it; he scarcely knew what to make of his last night's foolish
inflation about his Quintusship: "the Quintus-post," said he to himself,
"is not to be named in the same day with the Conrectorate; I wonder how
I could parade so last night before my promotion; at present, I had more
reason." Today he ate, as on all Sundays and holydays, with the
Master-Butcher Steinberger, his former Guardian. To this man, Fixlein
was, what common people are always, but polished philosophical and
sentimental people very seldom are,—thankful: a man thanks you the
less for presents, the more inclined he is to give presents of his own;
and the beneficent is rarely a grateful person. Meister Steinberger, in
the character of store-master, had introduced into the wire-cage of a
garret, where Fixlein, while a Student at Leipzig, was suspended, many a
well-filled trough with good canary-meat, of hung-beef, of household
bread and Sauerkraut. Money indeed was never to be wrung from him: it
is well known that he often sent the best calfskins gratis to the
tanner, to be boots for our Quintus; but the tanning-charges the Ward
himself had to bear.—On Fixlein's entrance, as was at all times
customary, a smaller damask table-cloth was laid upon the large coarser
one; the armchair; silver implements, and a wine-stoup were handed him;
mere waste, which, as the Guardian used to say, suited well enough for a
Scholar; but for a Flesher not at all. Fixlein first took his victuals,
and then signified that he was made Conrector. "Ward," said Steinberger,
"if you are made that, it is well.—Seest thou, Eva, I cannot buy a tail
of thy cows now; I must have smelt it beforehand." He was hereby
informing his daughter that the cash set apart for the fatted cattle
must now be applied to the Conrectorate; for he was in the habit of
advancing all instalment-dues to his ward, at an interest of four and a
half per cent. Fifty gulden he had already lent the Quintus on his
advancement to the Quintusship: of these the interest had to be duly
paid; yet, on the day of payment, the Quintus always got some
abatement; being wont every Sunday after dinner to instruct his
guardian's daughter in arithmetic, writing and geography. Steinberger
with justice required of his own grown-up daughter that she should know
all the towns, where he in his wanderings as a journeyman had slain fat
oxen; and if she slipped, or wrote crookedly, or subtracted wrong, he
himself, as Academical Senate and Justiciary, was standing behind her
chair, ready, so to speak, with the forge-hammer of his fist to beat out
the dross from her brain, and at a few strokes hammer it into right
ductility. The soft Quintus, for his part, had never struck her. On this
account she had perhaps, with a few glances, appointed him executor and
assignee of her heart. The old Flesher—simply because his wife was
dead—had constantly been in the habit of searching with mine-lamps and
pokers into all the corners of Eva's heart; and had in consequence long
ago observed—what the Quintus never did—that she had a mind for the
said Quintus. Young women conceal their sorrows more easily than their
joys: today at the mention of this Conrectorate, Eva had become
unusually red.
When she went after breakfast to bring in coffee, which the Ward had to
drink down to the grounds: "I beat Eva to death if she but look at him,"
said he. Then addressing Fixlein: "Hear you, Ward, did you never cast an
eye on my Eva? She can suffer you, and if you want her, you get her; but
we have done with one another: for a learned man needs quite another
sort of thing."
"Herr Regiments-Quartermaster," said Fixlein (for this post Steinberger
filled in the provincial Militia), "such a match were far too rich, at
any rate, for a Schoolman." The Quartermaster nodded fifty times; and
then said to Eva, as she returned,—at the same time taking down from
the shelf a wooden crook, on which he used to rack out and suspend his
slain calves: "Stop!—Hark, dost wish the present Herr Conrector here
for thy husband?"
"Ah, good Heaven!" said Eva.
"Mayst wish him or not," continued the Flesher; "with this crook, thy
father knocks thy brains out, if thou but think of a learned man. Now
make his coffee." And so by the dissevering stroke of this wooden crook
was a love easily smitten asunder, which in a higher rank, by such
cutting through it with the sword, would only have foamed and hissed the
keenlier.
Fixlein might now, at any hour he liked, lay hold of fifty florins
Frankish, and clutch the pedagogic sceptre, and become coadjutor of the
Rector, that is, Conrector. We may assert, that it is with debts, as
with proportions in Architecture; of which Wolf has shown that those are
the best, which can be expressed in the smallest numbers. Nevertheless,
the Quartermaster cheerfully took learned men under his arm: for the
notion that his debtor would decease in his thirty-second year, and that
so Death, as creditor in the first rank, must be paid his Debt of
Nature, before the other creditors could come forward with their
debts—this notion he named stuff and oldwifery; he was neither
superstitious nor fanatical, and he walked by firm principles of action,
such as the common man much oftener has than your vapouring man of
letters, or your empty dainty man of rank.
As it is but a few clear Ladydays, warm Mayday-nights, at the most a few
odorous Rose-weeks, which I am digging from this Fixleinic Life,
embedded in the dross of week-day cares; and as if they were so many
veins of silver, am separating, stamping, smelting and burnishing for
the reader,—I must now travel on with the stream of his history to
Cantata-Sunday, 1792, before I can gather a few handfuls of this
gold-dust, to carry in and wash in my biographical gold-hut. That
Sunday, on the contrary, is very metalliferous: do but consider that
Fixlein is yet uncertain (the ashes of the Church-books not being
legible) whether it is conducting him into his thirty-second or his
thirty-third year.
From Christmas till then he did nothing, but simply became Conrector.
The new chair of office was a Sun-altar, on which, from his
Quintus-ashes, a young Phœnix combined itself together. Great
changes—in offices, marriages, travels—make us younger; we always date
our history from the last revolution, as the French have done from
theirs. A colonel, who first set foot on the ladder of seniority as
corporal, is five times younger than a king, who in his whole life has
never been aught else except a—crown-prince.
Cantata-Sunday. Two Testaments. Pontac; Blood; Love.
The Spring months clothe the earth in new variegated hues; but man they
usually dress in black. Just when our icy regions are becoming fruitful,
and the flower-waves of the meadows are rolling together over our
quarter of the globe, we on all hands meet with men in sables, the
beginning of whose Spring is full of tears. But, on the other hand,
this very upblooming of the renovated earth is itself the best balm for
sorrow over those who lie under it; and graves are better hid by
blossoms than by snow.
In April, which is no less deadly than it is fickle, old Senior Astmann,
our Conrector's teacher, was overtaken by death. His departure it was
meant to hide from the Rittmeisterinn; but the unusual ringing of
funereal peals carried his swan-song to her heart; and gradually set the
curfew-bell of her life into similar movement. Age and sufferings had
already marked out the first incisions for Death, so that he required
but little effort to cut her down; for it is with men as with trees,
they are notched long before felling, that their life-sap may exude. The
second stroke of apoplexy was soon followed by the last: it is strange
that Death, like criminal courts, cites the apoplectic thrice.
Men are apt to postpone their last will as long as their better one:
the Rittmeisterinn would perhaps have let all her hours, till the
speechless and deaf one, roll away without testament, had not
Thiennette, during the last night, before from sick-nurse she became
corpse-watcher, reminded the patient of the poor Conrector, and of his
meagre hunger-bitten existence, and of the scanty aliment and
board-wages which Fortune had thrown him, and of his empty Future,
where, like a drooping yellow plant in the parched deal-box of the
schoolroom between scholars and creditors, he must languish to the end.
Her own poverty offered her a model of his; and her inward tears were
the fluid tints with which she coloured her picture. As the
Rittmeisterinn's testament related solely to domestics and dependents,
and as she began with the male ones, Fixlein stood at the top; and
Death, who must have been a special friend of the Conrector's, did not
lift his scythe and give the last stroke till his protegee had been with
audible voice declared testamentary heir; then he cut all away, life,
testament and hopes.
When the Conrector, in a wash-bill from his mother, received these two
Death's-posts and Job's-posts in his class, the first thing he did was
to dismiss his class-boys, and break into tears before reaching home.
Though the mother had informed him that he had been remembered in the
will (I could wish, however, that the Notary had blabbed how much it
was), yet almost with every O which he masoretically excerpted from his
German Bible, and entered in his Masoretic Work, great drops fell down
on his pen, and made his black ink pale. His sorrow was not the
gorgeous sorrow of the Poet, who veils the gaping wounds of the
departed in the winding-sheet, and breaks the cry of anguish in soft
tones of plaintiveness; nor the sorrow of the Philosopher, who, through
one open grave, must look into the whole catacomb-Necropolis of the
Past, and before whom the spectre of a friend expands into the spectral
Shadow of this whole Earth: but it was the woe of a child, of a mother,
whom this thought itself, without subsidiary reflections, bitterly cuts
asunder: "So I shall never more see thee; so must thou moulder away, and
I shall never see thee, thou good soul, never, never any more!"—And
even because he neither felt the philosophical nor the poetical sadness,
every trifle could make a division, a break in his mourning; and, like a
woman, he was that very evening capable of sketching some plans for the
future employment of his legacy.
Four weeks after, to wit, on the 5th of May, the testament was unsealed;
but not till the 6th (Cantata-Sunday) did he go down to Hukelum. His
mother met his salutations with tears; which she shed, over the corpse
for grief, over the testament for joy.—To the now Conrector Egidius
Zebedäus was left: In the first place, a large sumptuous bed, with a
mirror-tester, in which the giant Goliath might have rolled at his ease,
and to which I and my fair readers will by and by approach nearer, to
examine it; secondly, there was devised to him, as unpaid
Easter-godchild-money, for every year that he had lived, one ducat;
thirdly, all the admittance and instalment dues, which his elevation
to the Quintate and Conrectorate had cost him, were to be made good to
the utmost penny. "And dost thou know, then," proceeded the mother,
"what the poor Fräulein has got? Ah Heaven! Nothing! Not one brass
farthing!" For Death had stiffened the hand which was just stretching
itself out to reach the poor Thiennette a little rain-screen against the
foul weather of life. The mother related this perverse trick of Fortune
with true condolence; which in women dissipates envy, and comes easier
to them than congratulation, a feeling belonging rather to men. In many
female hearts sympathy and envy are such near door-neighbours that they
could be virtuous nowhere except in Hell, where men have such frightful
times of it; and vicious nowhere except in Heaven, where people have
more happiness than they know what to do with.
The Conrector was now enjoying on Earth that Heaven to which his
benefactress had ascended. First of all, he started off—without so much
as putting up his handkerchief, in which lay his emotion—up-stairs to
see the legacy-bed unshrouded; for he had a female predilection for
furniture. I know not whether the reader ever looked at or mounted any
of these ancient chivalric beds, into which, by means of a little stair
without balustrades, you can easily ascend; and in which you, properly
speaking, sleep always at least one story above ground. Nazianzen
informs us (Orat. XVI.) that the Jews, in old times, had high beds
with cock-ladders of this sort; but simply because of vermin. The legacy
bed-Ark was quite as large as one of these; and a flea would have
measured it not in Diameters of the Earth, but in Distances of Sirius.
When Fixlein beheld this colossal dormitory, with the curtains drawn
asunder, and its canopy of looking-glass, he could have longed to be in
it; and had it been in his power to cut from the opaque hemisphere of
Night, at that time in America, a small section, he would have
established himself there along with it, just to swim about, for one
half hour, with his thin lath figure, in this sea of down. The mother,
by longer chains of reasoning and chains of calculation than the bed
was, had not succeeded in persuading him to have the broad mirror on the
top cut in pieces, though his large dressing-table had nothing to see
itself in but a mere shaving-glass: he let the mirror lie where it was
for this reason: "Should I ever, God willing, get married," said he, "I
shall then, towards morning, be able to look at my sleeping wife,
without sitting up in bed."
As to the second article of the testament, the godchild Easter-pence,
his mother had, last night, arranged it perfectly. The Lawyer took her
evidence on the years of the heir; and these she had stated at exactly
the teeth-number, two-and-thirty. She would willingly have lied, and
passed off her son, like an Inscription, for older than he was: but
against this venia ætatis, she saw too well, the authorities would
have taken exception, "that it was falsehood and cozenage; had the son
been two-and-thirty, he must have been dead some time ago, as it could
not but be presumed that he then was."
And just as she was recounting this, a servant from Schadeck called, and
delivered to the Conrector, in return for a discharge and ratification
of the birth-certificate given out by his mother, a gold bar of
two-and-thirty ducat age-counters, like a helm-bar for the voyage of his
life: Herr von Aufhammer was too proud to engage in any pettifogging
discussion over a plebeian birth-certificate.
And thus, by a proud open-handedness, was one of the best lawsuits
thrown to the dogs: seeing this gold bar might, in the wire-mill of the
judgment-bench, have been drawn out into the finest threads. From such a
tangled lock, which was not to be unravelled—for, in the first place,
there was no document to prove Fixlein's age; in the second place, so
long as he lived, the necessary conclusion was, that he was not yet
thirty-two[47]—from such a lock, might not only silk and hanging-cords,
but whole dragnets have been spun and twisted. Clients in general would
have less reason to complain of their causes, if these lasted longer:
Philosophers contend for thousands of years over philosophical
questions; and it seems an unaccountable thing, therefore, that
Advocates should attempt to end their juristical questions in a space of
eighty, or even sometimes of sixty years. But the professors of law are
not to blame for this: on the other hand, as Lessing asserts of Truth,
that not the finding but the seeking of it profits men, and that he
himself would willingly make over his claim to all truths in return for
the sweet labour of investigation, so is the professor of Law not
profited by the finding and deciding, but by the investigation of a
juridical truth,—which is called pleading and practising,—and he would
willingly consent to approximate to Truth forever, like an hyperbola to
its asymptote, without ever meeting it, seeing he can subsist as an
honourable man with wife and child, let such approximation be as tedious
as it likes.
The Schadeck servant had, besides the gold legacy, a farther commission
from the Lawyer, whereby the testamentary heir was directed to sum up
the mint-dues which he had been obliged to pay while lying under the
coining-press of his superiors, as Quintus and Conrector; the which,
properly documented and authenticated, were forthwith to be made good to
him.
Our Conrector, who now rated himself among the great capitalists of the
world, held his short gold-roll like a sceptre in his hand; like a
basket-net lifted from the sea of the Future, which was now to run on,
and bring him all manner of fed-fishes, well-washed, sound and in good
season.
I cannot relate all things at once; else I should ere now have told the
reader, who must long have been waiting for it, that to the moneyed
Conrector his two-and-thirty godchild-pennies but too much prefigured
the two-and-thirty years of his age; besides which, today the
Cantata-Sunday, this Bartholomew-night and Second of September of his
family, came in as a farther aggravation. The mother, who should have
known the age of her child, said she had forgotten it; but durst wager
he was thirty-two a year ago; only the Lawyer was a man you could not
speak to. "I could swear it myself," said the capitalist; "I recollect
how stupid I felt on Cantata-Sunday last year." Fixlein beheld Death,
not as the poet does, in the up-towering, asunder-driving concave-mirror
of Imagination; but as the child, as the savage, as the peasant, as the
woman does, in the plane octavo-mirror on the board of a Prayer-book;
and Death looked to him like an old white-headed man, sunk down into
slumber in some latticed pew.—
And yet he thought oftener of him than last year: for joy readily melts
us into softness; and the lackered Wheel of Fortune is a cistern-wheel
that empties its water in our eyes.... But the friendly Genius of this
terrestrial, or rather aquatic Ball,—for, in the physical and in the
moral world, there are more tear-seas than firm land,—has provided for
the poor water-insects that float about in it, for us namely, a quite
special elixir against spasms in the soul: I declare this same Genius
must have studied the whole pathology of man with care; for to the poor
devil who is no Stoic, and can pay no Soul-doctor, that for the fissures
of his cranium and his breast might prepare costly prescriptions of
simples, he has stowed up cask-wise in all cellarages a precious
wound-water, which the patient has only to take and pour over his
slashes and bone-breakages—gin-twist, I mean, or beer, or a touch of
wine.... By Heaven! it is either stupid ingratitude towards this
medicinal Genius on the one hand, or theological confusion of permitted
tippling with prohibited drunkenness on the other, if men do not thank
God that they have something at hand, which, in the nervous vertigos of
life, will instantly supply the place of Philosophy, Christianity,
Judaism, Paganism and Time;—liquor, as I said.
The Conrector had long before sunset given the village post three
groschens of post-money, and commissioned,—for he had a whole cabinet
of ducats in his pocket, which all day he was surveying in the dark with
his hand,—three thalers' worth of Pontac from the town. "I must have a
Cantata merrying-making," said he; "if it be my last day, let it be my
gayest too!" I could wish he had given a larger order; but he kept the
bit of moderation between his teeth at all times; even in a threatened
sham-death-night, and in the midst of jubilee. The question is, Whether
he would not have restricted himself to a single bottle, if he had not
wished to treat his mother and the Fräulein. Had he lived in the tenth
century, when the Day of Judgment was thought to be at hand, or in other
centuries, when new Noah's Deluges were expected, and when, accordingly,
like sailors in a shipwreck, people bouzed up all,—he would not have
spent one kreutzer more on that account. His joy was, that with his
legacy he could now satisfy his head-creditor Steinberger, and leave the
world an honest man: just people, who make much of money, pay their
debts the most punctually.
The purple Pontac arrived at a time when Fixlein could compare the
red-chalk-drawings and red-letter-titles of joy, which it would bring
out on the cheeks of its drinker and drinkeresses,—with the
Evening-carnation of the last clouds about the Sun....
I declare, among all the spectators of this History, no one can be
thinking more about poor Thiennette than I; nevertheless, it is not
permitted me to bring her out from her tiring-room to my historical
scene, before the time. Poor girl! The Conrector cannot wish more warmly
than his Biographer, that, in the Temple of Nature as in that of
Jerusalem, there were a special door—besides that of Death—standing
open, through which only the afflicted entered, that a Priest might give
them solace. But Thiennette's heart-sickness over all her vanished
prospects, over her entombed benefactress, over a whole life enwrapped
in the pall, had hitherto, in a grief which the stony Rittmeister rather
made to bleed than alleviated, swept all away from her, occupations
excepted; had fettered all her steps which led not to some task, and
granted to her eyes nothing to dry them or gladden them, save
down-falling eyelids full of dreams and sleep.
All sorrow raises us above the civic Ceremonial-law, and makes the
Prosaist a Psalmist: in sorrow alone have women courage to front
opinion. Thiennette walked out only in the evening, and then only in the
garden.
The Conrector could scarcely wait for the appearance of his fair friend,
to offer his thanks,—and tonight also—his Pontac. Three Pontac
decanters and three wine-glasses were placed outside on the projecting
window-sill of his cottage; and every time he returned from the dusky
covered-way amid the flower-forests, he drank a little from his
glass,—and the mother sipped now and then from within through the
opened window.
I have already said, his Life-laboratory lay in the south-west corner of
the garden or park, over against the Castle-Escurial, which stretched
back into the village. In the north-west corner bloomed an acacia-grove,
like the floral crown of the garden. Fixlein turned his steps in that
direction also; to see if, perhaps, he might not cast a happy glance
through the wide-latticed grove over the intervening meads to
Thiennette. He recoiled a little before two stone steps leading down
into a pond before this grove, which were sprinkled with fresh blood. On
the flags, also, there was blood hanging. Man shudders at this oil of
our life's lamp where he finds it shed: to him it is the red
death-signature of the Destroying Angel. Fixlein hurried apprehensively
into the grove; and found here his paler benefactress leaning on the
flower-bushes; her hands with their knitting-ware sunk into her bosom,
her eyes lying under their lids as if in the bandage of slumber; her
left arm in the real bandage of blood-letting; and with cheeks to which
the twilight was lending as much red, as late woundings—this day's
included—had taken from them. Fixlein, after his first terror—not at
this flower's-sleep, but at his own abrupt entrance—began to unrol the
spiral butterfly's-sucker of his vision, and to lay it on the motionless
leaves of this same sleeping flower. At bottom, I may assert, that this
was the first time he had ever looked at her: he was now among the
thirties; and he still continued to believe, that, in a young lady, he
must look at the clothes only, not the person, and wait on her with his
ears, not with his eyes.
I impute it to the elevating influences of the Pontac, that the
Conrector plucked up courage to—turn, to come back, and employ the
resuscitating means of coughing, sneezing, trampling and calling to his
Shock, in stronger and stronger doses on the fair sleeper. To take her
by the hand, and, with some medical apology, gently pull her out of
sleep, this was an audacity of which the Conrector, so long as he could
stand for Pontac, and had any grain of judgment left, could never dream.
However, he did awake her, by those other means.
Wearied, heavy-laden Thiennette! how slowly does thy eye open! The
warmest balsam of this earth, soft sleep has shifted aside, and the
night-air of memory is again blowing on thy naked wounds!—And yet was
the smiling friend of thy youth the fairest object which thy eye could
light on, when it sank from the hanging garden of Dreams into this lower
one round thee.
She herself was little conscious,—and the Conrector not at all,—that
she was bending her flower-leaves imperceptibly towards a terrestrial
body, namely towards Fixlein: she resembled an Italian flower, that
contains cunningly concealed within it a newyear's gift, which the
receiver knows not at first how to extract. But now the golden chain of
her late kind deed attracted her as well towards him, as him towards
her.—She at once gave her eye and her voice a mask of joy; for she did
not put her tears, as Catholics do those of Christ, in relic-vials, upon
altars to be worshiped. He could very suitably preface his invitation to
the Pontac festival, with a long acknowledgment of thanks for the kind
intervention which had opened to him the sources for procuring it. She
rose slowly, and walked with him to the banquet of wine; but he was not
so discreet, as at first to attempt leading her, or rather not so
courageous; he could more easily have offered a young lady his hand
(that is, with marriage ring) than offered her his arm. One only time in
his life had he escorted a female, a Lombard Countess from the theatre;
a thing truly not to be believed, were not this the secret of it, that
he was obliged; for the lady, a foreigner, parted in the press from all
her people, in a bad night, had laid hold of him as a sable Abbé by the
arm, and requested him to take her to her inn. He, however, knew the
fashions of society, and attended her no farther than the porch of his
Quintus-mansion, and there directed her with his finger to her inn,
which, with thirty blazing windows, was looking down from another
street.
These things he cannot help. But tonight he had scarcely, with his fair
faint companion, reached the bank of the pond, into which some
superstitious dread of water-sprites had lately poured the pure blood of
her left arm,—when, in his terror lest she fell in, with the rest of
her blood, over the brink, he quite valiantly laid hold of the sick arm.
Thus will much Pontac and a little courage at all times put a Conrector
in case to lay hold of a Fräulein. I aver, that, at the banquet-board of
the wine, at the window-sill, he continued in the same conducting
position. What a soft group in the penumbra of the Earth, while Night,
with its dusky waters, was falling deeper and deeper, and the
silver-light of the Moon was already glancing back from the copper-ball
of the steeple! I call the group soft, because it consists of a maiden
that in two senses has been bleeding; of a mother again with tears
giving her thanks for the happiness of her child; and of a pious, modest
man, pouring wine, and drinking health to both, and who traces in his
veins a burning lava-stream, which is boiling through his heart, and
threatening piece by piece to melt it and bear it away.—A candle stood
without among the three bottles, like Reason among the Passions; on this
account the Conrector looked without intermission at the window-panes,
for on them (the darkness of the room served as mirror-foil) was
painted, among other faces which Fixlein liked, the face he liked best
of all, and which he dared to look at only in reflection, the face of
Thiennette.
Every minute was a Federation-festival, and every second a
Preparation-Sabbath for it. The Moon was gleaming from the evening dew,
and the Pontac from their eyes, and the bean-stalks were casting a
shorter grating of shadow.—The quicksilver-drops of stars were hanging
more and more continuous in the sable of night.—The warm vapour of the
wine set our two friends (like steam-engines) again in motion.
Nothing makes the heart fuller and bolder than walking to and fro in the
night. Fixlein now led the Fräulein in his arm without scruple. By
reason of her lancet-wound, Thiennette could only put her hand, in a
clasping position, in his arm; and he, to save her the trouble of
holding fast, held fast himself, and pressed her fingers as well as
might be with his arm to his heart. It would betray a total want of
polished manners to censure his. At the same time, trifles are the
provender of Love; the fingers are electric dischargers of a fire
sparkling along every fibre; sighs are the guiding tones of two
approximating hearts; and the worst and most effectual thing of all in
such a case is some misfortune; for the fire of Love, like that of
naphtha, likes to swim on water. Two teardrops, one in another's, one in
your own eyes, compose, as with two convex lenses, a microscope which
enlarges everything, and changes all sorrows into charms. Good sex! I
too consider every sister in misfortune as fair; and perhaps thou
wouldst deserve the name of the Fair, even because thou art the
Suffering sex!
And if Professor Hunczogsky in Vienna modelled all the wounds of the
human frame in wax, to teach his pupils how to cure them, I also, thou
good sex, am representing in little figures the cuts and scars of thy
spirit, though only to keep away rude hands from inflicting new ones....
Thiennette felt not the loss of the inheritance, but of her that should
have left it; and this more deeply for one little trait, which she had
already told his mother, as she now told him: In the last two nights of
the Rittmeisterinn, when the feverish watching was holding up to
Thiennette's imagination nothing but the winding-sheet and the
mourning-coaches of her protectress; while she was sitting at the foot
of the bed, looking on those fixed eyes, unconsciously quick drops often
trickled over her cheeks, while in thought she prefigured the heavy,
cumbrous dressing of her benefactress for the coffin. Once, after
midnight, the dying lady pointed with her finger to her own lips.
Thiennette understood her not; but rose and bent over her face. The
Enfeebled tried to lift her head, but could not,—and only rounded her
lips. At last, a thought glanced through Thiennette, that the Departing,
whose dead arms could now press no beloved heart to her own, wished that
she herself should embrace her. O then, that instant, keen and tearful
she pressed her warm lips on the colder,—and she was silent like her
that was to speak no more,—and she embraced alone and was not embraced.
About four o'clock, the finger waved again;—she sank down on the
stiffened lips—but this had been no signal, for the lips of her friend
under the long kiss had grown stiff and cold....
How deeply now, before the infinite Eternity's-countenance of Night, did
the cutting of this thought pass through Fixlein's warm soul: "O thou
forsaken one beside me! No happy accident, no twilight hast thou, like
that now glimmering in the heavens, to point to the prospect of a sunny
day: without parents art thou, without brother, without friend; here
alone on a disblossomed, emptied corner of the Earth; and thou, left
Harvest-flower, must wave lonely and frozen over the withered stubble of
the Past." That was the meaning of his thoughts, whose internal words
were: "Poor young lady! Not so much as a half-cousin left; no nobleman
will seek her, and she grows old so forgotten, and she is so good from
the very heart—Me she has made happy—Ah, had I the presentation to the
parish of Hukelum in my pocket, I should make a trial.".... Their mutual
lives, which a straitcutting bond of Destiny was binding so closely
together, now rose before him overhung with sable,—and he forthwith
conducted his friend (for a bashful man may in an hour and a half be
transformed into the boldest, and then continues so) back to the last
flask, that all these upsprouting thistles and passion-flowers of sorrow
might therewith be swept away. I remark, in passing, that this was
stupid: the torn vine is full of water-veins as well as grapes; and a
soft oppressed heart the beverage of joy can melt only into tears.
If any man disagree with me, I shall desire him to look at the
Conrector, who demonstrates my experimental maxim like a very
syllogism.—One might arrive at some philosophic views, if one traced
out the causes, why liquors—that is to say, in the long-run, more
plentiful secretion of the nervous spirits—make men at once pious, soft
and poetical. The Poet, like Apollo his father, is forever a youth;
and is, what other men are only once, namely in love,—or only after
Pontac, namely intoxicated,—all his life long. Fixlein, who had been no
poet in the morning, now became one at night: wine made him pious and
soft; the Harmonica-bells in man, which sound to the tones of a higher
world, must, like the glass Harmonica-bells, if they are to act, be kept
moist.
He was now standing with her again beside the wavering pond, in which
the second blue hemisphere of heaven, with dancing stars and amid
quivering trees, was playing; over the green hills ran the white crooked
footpaths dimly along; on the one mountain was the twilight sinking
together, on the other was the mist of night rising up; and over all
these vapours of life, hung motionless and flaming the thousand-armed
lustre of the starry heaven, and every arm held in it a burning
galaxy....
It now struck eleven.... Amid such scenes, an unknown hand stretches
itself out in man, and writes in foreign language on his heart, a dread
Mene Mene Tekel Upharsin. "Perhaps by twelve I am dead," thought our
friend, in whose soul the Cantata-Sunday, with all its black funeral
piles, was mounting up.
The whole future Crucifixion-path of his friend lay prickly and
bethorned before him; and he saw every bloody trace from which she
lifted her foot,—she who had made his own way soft with flowers and
leaves. He could no longer restrain himself; trembling in his whole
frame, and with a trembling voice, he solemnly said to her: "If the Lord
this night call me away, let the half of my fortune be yours; for it is
your goodness I must thank that I am free of debts, as few Teachers
are."
Thiennette, unacquainted with our sex, naturally mistook this speech
for a proposal of marriage; and the fingers of her wounded arm, tonight
for the first time, pressed suddenly against the arm in which they lay;
the only living mortal's arm, by which Joy, Love and the Earth, were
still united with her bosom. The Conrector, rapturously terrified at the
first pressure of a female hand, bent over his right to take hold of her
left; and Thiennette, observing his unsuccessful movement, lifted her
fingers, and laid her whole wounded arm in his, and her whole left hand
in his right. Two lovers dwell in the Whispering-gallery,[48] where the
faintest breath bodies itself forth into a sound. The good Conrector
received and returned this blissful love-pressure, wherewith our poor
powerless soul, stammering, hemmed in, longing, distracted, seeks for a
warmer language, which exists not: he was overpowered; he had not the
courage to look at her; but he looked into the gleam of the twilight,
and said (and here for unspeakable love the tears were running warm over
his cheeks): "Ah, I will give you all; fortune, life and all that I
have, my heart and my hand."
She was about to answer, but casting a side-glance, she cried, with a
shriek: "Ah, Heaven!" He started round; and perceived the white muslin
sleeve all dyed with blood; for in putting her arm into his, she had
pushed away the bandage from the open vein. With the speed of lightning,
he hurried her into the acacia-grove; the blood was already running from
the muslin; he grew paler than she, for every drop of it was coming from
his heart. The blue-white arm was bared; the bandage was put on; he tore
a piece of gold from his pocket; clapped it, as one does, with open
arteries, on the spouting fountain, and bolted with this golden bar, and
with the bandage over it, the door out of which her afflicted life was
hurrying.—
When it was over, she looked up to him; pale, languid, but her eyes were
two glistening fountains of an unspeakable love, full of sorrow and full
of gratitude.—The exhausting loss of blood was spreading her soul
asunder in sighs. Thiennette was dissolved into inexpressible softness;
and the heart, lacerated by so many years, by so many arrows, was
plunging with all its wounds in warm streams of tears, to be healed; as
chapped flutes close together by lying in water, and get back their
tones.—Before such a magic form, before such a pure heavenly love, her
sympathising friend was melted between the flames of joy and grief; and
sank, with stifled voice, and bent down by love and rapture, on the pale
angelic face, the lips of which he timidly pressed, but did not kiss,
till all-powerful Love bound its girdles round them, and drew the two
closer and closer together, and their two souls, like two tears, melted
into one. O now, when it struck twelve, the hour of death, did not the
lover fancy that her lips were drawing his soul away, and all the fibres
and all the nerves of his life closed spasmodically round the last heart
in this world, round the last rapture of existence?... Yes, happy man,
thou didst express thy love; for in thy love thou thoughtest to die....
However, he did not die. After midnight, there floated a balmy morning
air through the shaken flowers, and the whole spring was breathing. The
blissful lover, setting bounds even to his sea of joy, reminded his
delicate beloved, who was now his bride, of the dangers from night-cold;
and himself of the longer night-cold of Death, which was now for long
years passed over.—Innocent and blessed, they rose from the grove of
their betrothment, from its dusk broken by white acacia-flowers and
straggling moonbeams. And without, they felt as if a whole wide Past had
sunk away in a convulsion of the world; all was new, light and young.
The sky stood full of glittering dewdrops from the everlasting Morning;
and the stars quivered joyfully asunder, and sank, resolved into beams,
down into the hearts of men.—The Moon, with her fountain of light, had
overspread and kindled all the garden; and was hanging above in a
starless Blue, as if she had consumed the nearest stars; and she seemed
like a smaller wandering Spring, like a Christ's-face smiling in love of
man.—
Under this light they looked at one another for the first time, after
the first words of love; and the sky gleamed magically down on the
disordered features with which the first rapture of love was still
standing written on their faces....
Dream, ye beloved, as ye wake, happy as in Paradise, innocent as in
Paradise!
Office-impost. One of the most important of Petitions.
The finest thing was his awakening in his European Settlement in the
giant Schadeck bed!—With the inflammatory, tickling, eating fever of
love in his breast; with the triumphant feeling, that he had now got the
introductory program of love put happily by; and with the sweet
resurrection from his living prophetic burial; and with the joy that
now, among his thirties, he could, for the first time, cherish hopes of
a longer life (and did not longer mean at least till seventy?) than he
could ten years ago;—with all this stirring life-balsam, in which the
living fire-wheel of his heart was rapidly revolving, he lay here, and
laughed at his glancing portrait in the bed-canopy; but he could not do
it long, he was obliged to move. For a less happy man, it would have
been gratifying to have measured,—as pilgrims measure the length of
their pilgrimage,—not so much by steps as by body-lengths, like
Earth-diameters, the superficial content of the bed. But Fixlein, for
his own part, had to launch from his bed into warm billowy Life, he had
now his dear good Earth again to look after, and a Conrectorship
thereon, and a bride to boot. Besides all this, his mother downstairs
now admitted that he had last night actually glided through beneath the
scythe of Death, like supple-grass, and that yesterday she had not told
him merely out of fear of his fear. Still a cold shudder went over
him,—especially as he was sober now,—when he looked round at the high
Tarpeian Rock, four hours' distance behind him, on the battlements of
which he had last night walked hand in hand with Death.
The only thing that grieved him was, that it was Monday, and that he
must back to the Gymnasium. Such a freightage of joys he had never taken
with him on his road to town. After four he issued from his house,
satisfied with coffee (which he drank in Hukelum merely for his mother's
sake, who, for two days after, would still have portions of this
woman's-wine to draw from the lees of the pot-sediment) into the
cooling dawning May-morning (for joy needs coolness, sorrow sun); his
Betrothed comes—not indeed to meet him, but still—into his hearing, by
her distant morning hymn; he makes but one momentary turn into the
blissful haven of the blooming acacia-grove, which still, like the
covenant sealed in it, has no thorns; he dips his warm hand in the
cold-bath of the dewy leaves; he wades with pleasure through the
beautifying-water of the dew, which, as it imparts colour to faces, eats
it away from boots ("but with thirty ducats, a Conrector may make shift
to keep two pairs of boots on the hook").—And now the Moon, as it were
the hanging seal of his last night's happiness, dips down into the
West, like an emptied bucket of light, and in the East the other
overrunning bucket, the Sun, mounts up, and the gushes of light flow
broader and broader.—
The city stood in the celestial flames of Morning. Here his divining-rod
(his gold-roll, which, excepting one sixteenth of an inch broken off
from it, he carried along with him) began to quiver over all the spots
where booty and silver-veins of enjoyment were concealed; and our
rod-diviner easily discovered that the city and the future were a true
entire Potosi of delights.
In his Conrectorate closet he fell upon his knees, and thanked God—not
so much for his heritage and bride as—for his life: for he had gone
away on Sunday morning with doubts whether he should ever come back; and
it was purely out of love to the reader, and fear lest he might fret
himself too much with apprehension, that I cunningly imputed Fixlein's
journey more to his desire of knowing what was in the will, than of
making his own will in presence of his mother. Every recovery is a
bringing back and palingenesia of our youth: one loves the Earth and
those that are on it with a new love.—The Conrector could have found in
his heart to take all his class by the locks, and press them to his
breast; but he only did so to his adjutant, the Quartaner, who, in the
first Letter-box, was still sitting in the rank of a Quintaner....
His first expedition, after school-hours, was to the house of Meister
Steinberger, where, without speaking a word, he counted down fifty
florins cash, in ducats, on the table: "At last I repay you," said
Fixlein, "the moiety of my debt, and give you many thanks."
"Ey, Herr Conrector," said the Quartermaster, and continued calmly
stuffing puddings as before, "in my bond it is said, payable at three
months' mutual notice. How could a man like me go on, else?—However, I
will change you the gold pieces." Thereupon he advised him that it might
be more judicious to take back a florin or two, and buy himself a better
hat, and whole shoes: "if you like," added he, "to get a calfskin and
half a dozen hareskins dressed, they are lying upstairs."—I should
think, for my own part, that to the reader it must be as little a matter
of indifference as it was to the Butcher, whether the hero of such a
History appear before him with an old tattered potlid of a hat, and a
pump-sucker and leg-harness pair of boots, or in suitable apparel.—In
short, before St. John's day, the man was dressed with taste and pomp.
But now came two most peculiarly important papers—at bottom only one,
the Petition for the Hukelum parsonship—to be elaborated; in regard to
which I feel as if I myself must assist.... It were a simple turn, if
now at least the assembled public did not pay attention.
In the first place, the Conrector searched out and sorted all the
Consistorial and Councillor quittances, or rather the toll-bills of the
road-money, which he had been obliged to pay, before the toll-gates at
the Quintusship and Conrectorship had been thrown open: for the executor
of the Schadeck testament had to reimburse him the whole, as his
discharge would express it, "to penny and farthing." Another would have
summed up this post-excise much more readily; by merely looking what
he—owed; as these debt-bills and those toll-bills, like parallel
passages, elucidate and confirm each other. But in Fixlein's case, there
was a small circumstance of peculiarity at work; which I cannot explain
till after what follows.
It grieved him a little that for his two offices he had been obliged to
pay and to borrow no larger a sum than 135 florins, 41 kreutzers and one
halfpenny. The legacy, it is true, was to pass directly from the hands
of the testamentary executor into those of the Regiments-Quartermaster;
but yet he could have liked well, had he—for man is a fool from the
very foundation of him—had more to pay, and therefore to inherit. The
whole Conrectorate he had, by a slight deposit of 90 florins, plucked,
as it were, from the Wheel of Fortune; and so small a sum must surprise
my reader: but what will he say, when I tell him that there are
countries where the entry-money into schoolrooms is even more moderate?
In Scherau, a Conrector is charged only 88 florins, and perhaps he may
have an income triple of this sum. Not to speak of Saxony (what, in
truth, was to be expected from the cradle of the Reformation, in
Religion and Polite Literature), where a schoolmaster and a parson have
nothing to pay,—even in Bayreuth, for example, in Hof, the progress
of improvement has been such, that a Quartus—a Quartus do I say,—a
Tertius—a Tertius do I say,—a Conrector, at entrance on his post, is
not required to pay down more than:
| | Fl. rhen. | Kr. rhen. | |
| | 30 | 49 | For taking the oaths at the Consistorium. |
| | 4 | 0 | To the Syndic for the Presentation. |
| | 2 | 0 | To the then Bürgermeister. |
| | 45 | 7½ | For the Government-sanction. |
| Total | 81 fl. | 56½ kr. | |
If the printing-charges of a Rector do stand a little higher in some
points, yet, on the other hand, a Tertius, Quartus &c. come cheaper from
the press than even a Conrector. Now it is clear that in this case a
schoolmaster can subsist; since, in the course of the very first year,
he gets an overplus beyond this dock-money of his office. A
schoolmaster must, like his scholars, have been advanced from class to
class, before these his loans to Government, together with the interest
for delay of payment, can jointly amount to so much as his yearly income
in the highest class. Another thing in his favour is, that our
institutions do not—as those of Athens did—prohibit people from
entering on office while in debt; but every man, with his debt-knapsack
on his shoulders, mounts up, step after step, without obstruction. The
Pope, in large benefices, appropriates the income of the first year
under the title of Annates, or First Fruits; and accordingly he, in
all cases, bestows any large benefice on the possessor of a smaller one,
thereby to augment both his own revenues and those of others; but it
shows, in my opinion, a bright distinction between Popery and
Lutheranism, that the Consistoriums of the latter abstract from their
school-ministers and church-ministers not perhaps above two-thirds of
their first yearly income; though they too, like the Pope, must
naturally have an eye to vacancies.
It may be that I shall here come in collision with the Elector of Mentz,
when I confess, that in Schmausen's Corp. Jur. Pub. Germ. I have
turned up the Mentz-Imperial-Court-Chancery-tax-ordinance of the 6th
January 1659; and there investigated how much this same
Imperial-Court-Chancery demands, as contrasted with a Consistorium. For
example, any man that wishes to be baked or sodden into a Poet
Laureate, has 50 florins tax-dues, and 20 florins Chancery-dues to pay
down; whereas, for 20 florins more, he might have been made a Conrector,
who is a poet of this species, as it were by the by and ex
officio.—The institution of a Gymnasium is permitted for 1000 florins;
an extraordinary sum, with which the whole body of the teachers in the
instituted Gymnasium might with us clear off the entrymoneys of their
schoolrooms. Again, a Freiherr, who, at any rate, often enough grows old
without knowing how, must purchase the venia ætatis with 200 hard
florins; while with the half sum he might have become a schoolmaster,
and here age would have come of its own accord.—And a thousand such
things!—They prove, however, that matters can be at no bad pass in our
Governments and Circles, where promotions are sold dearer to Folly than
to Diligence, and where it costs more to institute a school than to
serve in one.
The remarks I made on this subject to a Prince, as well as the remarks a
Town-Syndic made on it to myself, are too remarkable to be omitted for
mere dread of digressiveness.
The Syndic—a man of enlarged views, and of fiery patriotism, the warmth
of which was the more beneficent that he collected all the beams of it
into one focus, and directed them to himself and his family—gave me (I
had perhaps been comparing the School-bench and the School-stair to the
bench and the ladder, on which people are laid when about to be
tortured) the best reply: "If a schoolmaster consume nothing but 30
reichsthalers;[49] if he annually purchase manufactured goods, according
as Political Economists have calculated for each individual, namely, to
the amount of 5 reichsthalers; and no more hundredweights of victual
than these assume, namely 10; in short, if he live like a substantial
wood-cutter,—then the Devil must be in it, if he cannot yearly lay by
so much net profit, as shall, in the long-run, pay the interest of his
entry-debts."
The Syndic must have failed to convince me at the time, since I
afterwards told the Flachsenfingen Prince:[50] "Illustrious Sir, you
know not, but I do—not a player in your Theatre would act the
Schoolmaster in Engel's Prodigal Son, three nights running, for such a
sum as every real Schoolmaster has to take for acting it all the days of
the year.—In Prussia, Invalids are made Schoolmasters; with us,
Schoolmasters are made Invalids."...
But to our story! Fixlein wrote out the inventory of his Crown-debts;
but with quite a different purpose than the reader will guess, who has
still the Schadeck testament in his head. In one word, he wanted to be
Parson of Hukelum. To be a clergyman, and in the place where his cradle
stood, and all the little gardens of his childhood, his mother also, and
the grove of betrothment,—this was an open gate into a New Jerusalem,
supposing even that the living had been nothing but a meagre
penitentiary. The main point was, he might marry, if he were appointed.
For, in the capacity of lank Conrector, supported only by the
strengthening-girth of his waistcoat, and with emoluments whereby
scarcely the purchase-money of a—purse was to be come at; in this way
he was more like collecting wick and tallow for his burial-torch than
for his bridal one.
For the Schoolmaster class are, in well-ordered States, as little
permitted to marry as the Soldiery. In Conringius de Antiquitutibus
Academicis, where in every leaf it is proved that all cloisters were
originally schools, I hit upon the reason. Our schools are now
cloisters, and consequently we endeavour to maintain in our teachers at
least an imitation of the Three Monastic Vows. The vow of Obedience
might perhaps be sufficiently enforced by School-Inspectors; but the
second vow, that of Celibacy, would be more hard of attainment, were it
not that, by one of the best political arrangements, the third vow, I
mean a beautiful equality in Poverty, is so admirably attended to, that
no man who has made it needs any farther testimonium paupertatis;—and
now let this man, if he likes, lay hold of a matrimonial half, when of
the two halves each has a whole stomach, and nothing for it but
half-coins and half-beer!...
I know well, millions of my readers would themselves compose this
Petition for the Conrector, and ride with it to Schadeck to his
Lordship, that so the poor rogue might get the sheepfold, with the
annexed wedding-mansion: for they see clearly enough, that directly
thereafter one of the best Letter-Boxes would be written that ever came
from such a repository.
Fixlein's Petition was particularly good and striking: it submitted to
the Rittmeister four grounds of preference: 1. "He was a native of the
parish: his parents and ancestors had already done Hukelum service;
therefore he prayed," &c.
2. "The here-documented official debts of 135 florins, 41 kreutzers and
one halfpenny, the cancelling of which a never-to-be-forgotten testament
secured him, he himself could clear, in case he obtained the living,
and so hereby give up his claim to the legacy," &c.
Voluntary Note by me. It is plain he means to bribe his Godfather,
whom the lady's testament has put into a fume. But, gentle reader, blame
not without mercy a poor, oppressed, heavy-laden school-man and
school-horse for an indelicate insinuation, which truly was never mine.
Consider, Fixlein knew that the Rittmeister was a cormorant towards the
poor, as he was a squanderer towards the rich. It may be, too, the
Conrector might once or twice have heard, in the Law Courts, of patrons,
by whom not indeed the church and churchyard—though these things are
articles of commerce in England—so much as the true management of them
had been sold, or rather farmed to farming-candidates. I know from
Lange,[51] that the Church must support its patron, when he has nothing
to live upon: and might not a nobleman, before he actually began
begging, be justified in taking a little advance, a fore-payment of his
alimentary moneys, from the hands of his pulpit-farmer?—
3. "He had lately betrothed himself with Fräulein von Thiennette, and
given her a piece of gold, as marriage-pledge; and could therefore wed
the said Fräulein were he once provided for," &c.
Voluntary Note by me. I hold this ground to be the strongest in the
whole Petition. In the eyes of Herr von Aufhammer, Thiennette's
genealogical tree was long since stubbed, disleaved, worm-eaten and full
of millepedes: she was his Œconoma, his Castle-Stewardess and
Legatess a Latere for his domestics; and with her pretensions for an
alms-coffer, was threatening in the end to become a burden to him. His
indignant wish that she had been provided for with Fixlein's legacy
might now be fulfilled. In a word, if Fixlein become Parson, he will
have the third ground to thank for it; not at all the mad fourth....
4. "He had learned with sorrow, that the name of his Shock, which he had
purchased from an Emigrant at Leipzig, meant Egidius in German; and that
the dog had drawn upon him the displeasure of his Lordship. Far be it
from him so to designate the Shock in future; but he would take it as a
special grace, if for the dog, which he at present called without any
name, his Lordship would be pleased to appoint one himself."
My Voluntary Note. The dog then, it seems, to which the nobleman has
hitherto been godfather, is to receive its name a second time from
him!—But how can the famishing gardener's son, whose career never
mounted higher than from the school-bench to the school-chair, and who
never spoke with polished ladies, except singing, namely in the church,
how can he be expected, in fingering such a string, to educe from it any
finer tone than the pedantic one? And yet the source of it lies deeper:
not the contracted situation, but the contracted eye, not a
favourite science, but a narrow plebeian soul, makes us pedantic, a soul
that cannot measure and separate the concentric circles of human
knowledge and activity, that confounds the focus of universal human
life, by reason of the focal distance, with every two or three
converging rays; and that cannot see all, and tolerate all——In short,
the true Pedant is the Intolerant.
The Conrector wrote out his petition splendidly in five propitious
evenings; employed a peculiar ink for the purpose; worked not indeed so
long over it as the stupid Manucius over a Latin letter, namely, some
months, if Scioppius' word is to be taken; still less so long as another
scholar at a Latin epistle, who—truly we have nothing but Morhof's word
for it—hatched it during four whole months; inserting his variations,
adjectives, feet, with the authorities for his phrases, accurately
marked between the lines. Fixlein possessed a more thorough-going
genius, and had completely mastered the whole enterprise in sixteen
days. While sealing, he thought, as we all do, how this cover was the
seed-husk of a great entire Future, the rind of many sweet or bitter
fruits, the swathing of his whole after-life.
Heaven bless his cover; but I let you throw me from the Tower of Babel,
if he get the parsonage: can't you see, then, that Aufhammer's hands are
tied? In spite of all his other faults, or even because of them, he will
stand like iron by his word, which he has given so long ago to the
Subrector. It were another matter had he been resident at Court; for
there, where old German manners still are, no promise is kept; for as,
according to Möser, the Ancient Germans kept only such promises as they
made in the forenoon (in the afternoon they were all dead-drunk),—so
the Court Germans likewise keep no afternoon promise; forenoon ones they
would keep if they made any, which, however, cannot possibly happen, as
at those hours they are—sleeping.
Sermon. School-Exhibition. Splendid Mistake.
The Conrector received his 135 florins, 43 kreutzers, one halfpenny
Frankish; but no answer: the dog remained without name, his master
without parsonage. Meanwhile the summer passed away; and the Dragoon
Rittmeister had yet drawn out no pike from the Candidate
breeding-pond, and thrown him into the feeding-pond of the Hukelum
parsonage. It gratified him to be behung with prayers like a Spanish
guardian Saint; and he postponed (though determined to prefer the
Subrector) granting any one petition, till he had seven-and-thirty
dyers', buttonmakers', tinsmiths' sons, whose petitions he could at the
same time refuse. Grudge not him of Aufhammer this outlengthening of his
electorial power! He knows the privileges of rank; feels that a nobleman
is like Timoleon, who gained his greatest victories on his birthday, and
had nothing more to do than name some squiress, countess, or the like,
as his mother. A man, however, who has been exalted to the Peerage,
while still a fœtus, may with more propriety be likened to the
spinner, which, contrariwise to all other insects, passes from the
chrysalis state, and becomes a perfect insect in its mother's womb.—
But to proceed! Fixlein was at present not without cash. It will be the
same as if I made a present of it to the reader, when I reveal to him,
that of the legacy, which was clearing off old scores, he had still
thirty-five florins left to himself, as allodium and pocket-money,
wherewith he might purchase whatsoever seemed good to him. And how came
he by so large a sum, by so considerable a competence? Simply by this
means: Every time he changed a piece of gold, and especially at every
payment he received, it had been his custom to throw in, blindly at
random, two, three, or four small coins, among the papers of his trunk.
His purpose was to astonish himself one day, when he summed up and took
possession of this sleeping capital. And, by Heaven! he reached it too,
when on mounting the throne of his Conrectorate, he drew out these funds
from among his papers, and applied them to the coronation charges. For
the present, he sowed them in again among his waste letters. Foolish
Fixlein! I mean, had he not luckily exposed his legacy to jeopardy,
having offered it as bounty-money, and luck-penny to the patron, this
false clutch of his at the knocker of the Hukelum church-door would
certainly have vexed him; but now if he had missed the knocker, he had
the luck-penny again, and could be merry.
I now advance a little way in his History, and hit, in the rock of his
Life, upon so fine a vein of silver, I mean upon so fine a day, that I
must (I believe) content myself even in regard to the twenty-third of
Trinity-term, when he preached a vacation sermon in his dear native
village, with a brief transitory notice.
In itself the sermon was good and glorious; and the day a rich day of
pleasure; but I should really need to have more hours at my disposal
than I can steal from May, in which I am at present living and writing;
and more strength than wandering through this fine weather has left me
for landscape pictures of the same, before I could attempt, with any
well-founded hope, to draw out a mathematical estimate of the length and
thickness, and the vibrations and accordant relations to each other, of
the various strings, which combined together to form for his heart a
Music of the Spheres, on this day of Trinity-term, though such a thing
would please myself as much as another.... Do not ask me! In my opinion,
when a man preaches on Sunday before all the peasants, who had carried
him in their arms when a gardener's boy; farther, before his mother, who
is leading off her tears through the conduit of her satin muff; farther,
before his Lordship, whom he can positively command to be blessed; and
finally, before his muslin bride, who is already blessed, and changing
almost into stone, to find that the same lips can both kiss and preach:
in my opinion, I say, when a man effects all this, he has some right to
require of any Biographer who would paint his situation, that he—hold
his jaw; and of the reader who would sympathise with it, that he open
his, and preach himself.——
But what I must ex officio depict, is the day to which this Sunday was
but the prelude, the vigil and the whet; I mean the prelude, the vigil
and the whet to the Martini Actus, or Martinmas Exhibition, of his
school. On Sunday was the Sermon, on Wednesday the Actus, on Tuesday the
Rehearsal. This Tuesday shall now be delineated to the universe.
I count upon it that I shall not be read by mere people of the world
alone, to whom a School-Actus cannot truly appear much better, or more
interesting, than some Investiture of a Bishop, or the opera seria of
a Frankfort Coronation; but that I likewise have people before me, who
have been at schools, and who know how the school-drama of an Actus, and
the stage-manager, and the playbill (the Program) thereof are to be
estimated, still without overrating their importance.
Before proceeding to the Rehearsal of the Martini Actus, I impose upon
myself, as dramaturgist of the play, the duty, if not of extracting, at
least of recording the Conrector's Letter of Invitation. In this
composition he said many things; and (what an author likes so well) made
proposals rather than reproaches; interrogatively reminding the public,
Whether in regard to the well-known head-breakages of Priscian on the
part of the Magnates in Pest and Poland, our school-houses were not the
best quarantine and lazar-houses to protect us against infectious
barbarisms? Moreover, he defended in schools what could be defended
(and nothing in the world is sweeter or easier than a defence); and
said, Schoolmasters, who not quite justifiably, like certain Courts,
spoke nothing, and let nothing be spoken to them but Latin, might plead
the Romans in excuse, whose subjects, and whose kings, at least in their
epistles and public transactions, were obliged to make use of the Latin
tongue. He wondered why only our Greek, and not also our Latin Grammars,
were composed in Latin, and put the pregnant question: Whether the
Romans, when they taught their little children the Latin tongue, did it
in any other than in this same? Thereupon he went over to the Actus, and
said what follows, in his own words:
"I am minded to prove, in a subsequent Invitation, that everything which
can be said or known about the great founder of the Reformation, the
subject of our present Martini Prolusions, has been long ago exhausted,
as well by Seckendorf as others. In fact, with regard to Luther's
personalities, his table-talk, incomes, journeys, clothes, and so forth,
there can now nothing new be brought forward, if at the same time it is
to be true. Nevertheless, the field of the Reformation history is, to
speak in a figure, by no means wholly cultivated; and it does appear to
me as if the inquirer even of the present day might in vain look about
for correct intelligence respecting the children, grandchildren and
children's children, down to our own times, of this great Reformer; all
of whom, however, appertain, in a more remote degree, to the Reformation
history, as he himself in a nearer. Thou shalt not perhaps be threshing,
said I to myself, altogether empty straw, if, according to thy small
ability, thou bring forward and cultivate this neglected branch of
History. And so have I ventured, with the last male descendant of
Luther, namely, with the Advocate Martin Gottlob Luther, who practised
in Dresden, and deceased there in 1759, to make a beginning of a more
special Reformation history. My feeble attempt, in regard to this
Reformationary Advocate, will be sufficiently rewarded, should it excite
to better works on the subject: however, the little which I have
succeeded in digging up and collecting with regard to him I here
submissively, obediently, and humbly request all friends and patrons of
the Flachsenfingen Gymnasium to listen to, on the 14th of November, from
the mouths of sis well-conditioned perorators. In the first place, shall
"Gottlieb Spiesglass, a Flachsenfinger, endeavour to show, in a Latin
oration, that Martin Gottlob Luther was certainly descended of the
Luther family. After him strives
"Friedrich Christian Krabbler, from Hukelum, in German prose, to
appreciate the influence which Martin Gottlob Luther exercised on the
then existing Reformation; whereupon, after him, will
"Daniel Lorenz Stenzinger deliver, in Latin verse, an account of
Martin Gottlob Luther's lawsuits; embracing the probable merits of
Advocates generally, in regard to the Reformation. Which then will give
opportunity to
"Nikol Tobias Pfizman to come forward in French, and recount the most
important circumstances of Martin Gottlob Luther's school-years,
university-life and riper age. And now, when
"Andreas Eintarm shall have endeavoured, in German verse, to apologise
for the possible failings of this representative of the great Luther,
will
"Justus Strobel, in Latin verse according to ability, sing his
uprightness and integrity in the Advocate profession; whereafter I
myself shall mount the cathedra, and most humbly thank all the patrons
of the Flachsenfingen School, and then farther bring forward those
portions in the life of this remarkable man, of which we yet know
absolutely nothing, they being spared Deo volente for the speakers of
the next Martini Actus."
The day before the Actus offered as it were the proof-shot and
sample-sheet of the Wednesday. Persons who on account of dress could not
be present at the great school-festival, especially ladies, made their
appearance on Tuesday, during the six proof-orations. No one can be
readier than I to subordinate the proof-Actus to the Wednesday-Actus;
and I do anything but need being stimulated suitably to estimate the
solemn feast of a School; but on the other hand I am equally convinced
that no one, who did not go to the real Actus of Wednesday, could
possibly figure anything more splendid than the proof-day preceding;
because he could have no object wherewith to compare the pomp in which
the Primate of the festival drove in with his triumphal chariot and
six—to call the six brethren-speakers coach-horses—next morning in
presence of ladies and Councillor gentlemen. Smile away, Fixlein, at
this astonishment over thy today's Ovation, which is leading on
tomorrow's Triumph: on thy dissolving countenance quivers happy Self,
feeding on these incense-fumes; but a vanity like thine, and that only,
which enjoys without comparing or despising, can one tolerate, will one
foster. But what flowed over all his heart, like a melting sunbeam over
wax, was his mother, who after much persuasion had ventured in her
Sunday clothes humbly to place herself quite low down, beside the door
of the Prima class-room. It were difficult to say who is happier, the
mother, beholding how he whom she has borne under her heart can direct
such noble young gentlemen, and hearing how he along with them can talk
of these really high things and understand them too;—or the son, who,
like some of the heroes of Antiquity, has the felicity of triumphing in
the lifetime of his mother. I have never in my writings or doings cast a
stone upon the late Burchardt Grossmann, who under the initial letters
of the stanzas in his song, "Brich an, du liebe Morgenröthe," inserted
the letters of his own name; and still less have I ever censured any
poor herbwoman for smoothing out her winding-sheet, while still living,
and making herself one-twelfth of a dozen of grave-shifts. Nor do I
regard the man as wise—though indeed as very clever and pedantic—who
can fret his gall-bladder full because every one of us leaf-miners views
the leaf whereon he is mining as a park-garden, as a fifth Quarter of
the World (so near and rich is it); the leaf-pores as so many Valleys of
Tempe, the leaf-skeleton as a Liberty-tree, a Bread-tree and Life-tree,
and the dew-drops as the Ocean. We poor day-moths, evening-moths and
night-moths, fall universally into the same error, only on different
leaves; and whosoever (as I do) laughs at the important airs with which
the schoolmaster issues his programs, the dramaturgist his playbills,
the classical variation-alms-gatherer his alphabetic letters,—does it,
if he is wise (as is the case here), with the consciousness of his own
similar folly; and laughs in regard to his neighbour, at nothing but
mankind and himself.
The mother was not to be detained; she must off, this very night, to
Hukelum, to give the Fräulein Thiennette at least some tidings of this
glorious business.—
And now the World will bet a hundred to one, that I forthwith take
biographical wax, and emboss such a wax-figure cabinet of the Actus
itself as shall be single of its kind.
But on Wednesday morning, while the hope-intoxicated Conrector was just
about putting on his fine raiment, something knocked.——
It was the well-known servant of the Rittmeister, carrying the Hukelum
Presentation for the Subrector Füchslein in his pocket. To the
last-named gentleman he had been sent with this call to the parsonage:
but he had distinguished ill betwixt Sub and Conrector; and had
besides his own good reasons for directing his steps to the latter; for
he thought: "Who can it be that gets it, but the parson that preached
last Sunday, and that comes from the village, and is engaged to our
Fräulein Thiennette, and to whom I brought a clock and a roll of ducats
already?" That his Lordship could pass over his own godson, never
entered the man's head.
Fixlein read the address of the Appointment: "To the Reverend the Parson
Fixlein of Hukelum." He naturally enough made the same mistake as the
lackey; and broke up the Presentation as his own: and finding moreover
in the body of the paper no special mention of persons, but only of a
Schul-unter-befehlslaber or School-undergovernor (instead of
Subrector), he could not but persist in his error. Before I properly
explain why the Rittmeister's Lawyer, the framer of the Presentation,
had so designated a Subrector—we two, the reader and myself, will keep
an eye for a moment on Fixlein's joyful saltations—on his
gratefully-streaming eyes—on his full hands so laden with bounty—on
the present of two ducats, which he drops into the hands of the
mitre-bearer, as willingly as he will soon drop his own pedagogic
office. Could he tell what to think (of the Rittmeister), or to write
(to the same), or to table (for the lackey)? Did he not ask tidings of
the noble health of his benefactor over and over, though the servant
answered him with all distinctness at the very first? And was not this
same man, who belonged to the nose-upturning, shoulder-shrugging,
shoulder-knotted, toad-eating species of men, at last so moved by the
joy which he had imparted, that he determined on the spot, to bestow his
presence on the new clergyman's School-Actus, though no person of
quality whatever was to be there? Fixlein, in the first place, sealed
his letter of thanks; and courteously invited this messenger of good
news to visit him frequently in the Parsonage; and to call this evening
in passing at his mother's, and give her a lecture for not staying last
night, when she might have seen the Presentation from his Lordship
arrive today.
The lackey being gone, Fixlein for joy began to grow sceptical—and
timorous (wherefore, to prevent filching, he stowed his Presentation
securely in his coffer, under keeping of two padlocks); and devout and
softened, since he thanked God without scruple for all good that
happened to him, and never wrote this Eternal Name but in pulpit
characters and with coloured ink, as the Jewish copyists never wrote it
except in ornamental letters and when newly washed;[52]—and deaf also
did the parson grow, so that he scarcely heard the soft wooing-hour of
the Actus—for a still softer one beside Thiennette, with its
rose-bushes and rose-honey, would not leave his thoughts. He who of old,
when Fortune made a wry face at him, was wont, like children in their
sport at one another, to laugh at her so long till she herself was
obliged to begin smiling,—he was now flying as on a huge seesaw higher
and higher, quicker and quicker aloft.
But before the Actus, let us examine the Schadeck Lawyer. Fixlein
instead of Füchslein[53] he had written from uncertainty about the
spelling of the name; the more naturally as in transcribing the
Rittmeisterinn's will, the former had occurred so often. Von, this
triumphal arch he durst not set up before Füchslein's new name, because
Aufhammer forbade it, considering Hans Füchslein as a mushroom who had
no right to vons and titles of nobility, for all his patents. In fine,
the Presentation-writer was possessed with Campe's[54] whim of
Germanising everything, minding little though when Germanised it should
cease to be intelligible;—as if a word needed any better act of
naturalisation than that which universal intelligibility imparts to it.
In itself it is the same—the rather as all languages, like all men, are
cognate, intermarried and intermixed—whether a word was invented by a
savage or a foreigner; whether it grew up like moss amid the German
forests, or like street-grass, in the pavement of the Roman forum. The
Lawyer, on the other hand, contended that it was different; and
accordingly he hid not from any of his clients that Tagefarth
(Day-turn) meant Term, and that Appealing was Berufen (Becalling).
On this principle he dressed the word Subrector in the new livery of
School-undergovernor. And this version farther converted the
Schoolmaster into Parson: to such a degree does our civic fortune—not
our personal well-being, which supports itself on our own internal
soil and resources—grow merely on the drift-mould of accidents,
connexions, acquaintances, and Heaven or the Devil knows what!—
By the by, from a Lawyer, at the same time a Country Judge, I should
certainly have looked for more sense; I should (I may be mistaken) have
presumed he knew that the Acts or Reports, which in former times (see
Hoffmann's German or un-German Law-practice) were written in Latin, as
before the times of Joseph the Hungarian,—are now, if we may say so
without offence, perhaps written fully more in the German dialect than
in the Latin; and in support of this opinion, I can point to whole lines
of German language, to be found in these Imperial-Court-Confessions.
However, I will not believe that the Jurist is endeavouring, because
Imhofer declares the Roman tongue to be the mother tongue in the other
world, to disengage himself from a language, by means of which, like the
Roman Eagle, or later, like the Roman Fish-heron (Pope), he has
clutched such abundant booty in his talons.——
Toll, toll your bell for the Actus; stream in, in to the ceremony: who
cares for it? Neither I nor the Ex-Conrector. The six pigmy Ciceros will
in vain set forth before us in sumptuous dress their thoughts and
bodies. The draught-wind of Chance has blown away from the Actus its
powder-nimbus of glory; and the Conrector that was has discovered how
small a matter a cathedra is, and how great a one a pulpit: "I should
not have thought," thought he now, "when I became Conrector, that there
could he anything grander, I mean a Parson." Man, behind his everlasting
blind, which he only colours differently, and makes no thinner, carries
his pride with him from one step to another; and, on the higher step,
blames only the pride of the lower.
The best of the Actus was, that the Regiments-Quartermaster, and Master
Butcher, Steinberg, attended there, embaled in a long woollen shag.
During the solemnity, the Subrector Hans von Füchslein cast several
gratified and inquiring glances on the Schadeck servant, who did not
once look at him: Hans would have staked his head, that after the Actus,
the fellow would wait upon him. When at last the sextuple cockerel-brood
had on their dunghill done crowing, that is to say, had perorated, the
scholastic cocker, over whom a higher banner was now waving, himself
came upon the stage; and delivered to the School-Inspectorships, to the
Subrectorship, to the Guardianship and the Lackeyship, his most grateful
thanks for their attendance; shortly announcing to them at the same
time, "that Providence had now called him from his post to another; and
committed to him, unworthy as he was, the cure of souls in the Hukelum
parish, as well as in the Schadeck chapel of ease."
This little address, to appearance, well-nigh blew up the then Subrector
Hans von Füchslein from his chair; and his face looked of a mingled
colour, like red bole, green chalk, tinsel-yellow and vomissement de la
reine.
The tall Quartermaster erected himself considerably in his shag, and
hummed loud enough in happy forgetfulness: "The Dickens!—Parson?"——
The Subrector dashed by like a comet before the lackey: ordered him to
call and take a letter for his master; strode home, and prepared for his
patron, who at Schadeck was waiting for a long thanksgiving psalm, a
short satirical epistle, as nervous as haste would permit, and mingled a
few nicknames and verbal injuries along with it.
The courier handed in, to his master, Fixlein's song of gratitude, and
Füchslein's invectives, with the same hand. The Dragoon Rittmeister,
incensed at the ill-mannered churl, and bound to his word, which Fixlein
had publicly announced in his Actus, forthwith wrote back to the new
Parson an acceptance and ratification; and Fixlein is and remains, to
the joy of us all, incontestable ordained parson of Hukelum.
His disappointed rival has still this consolation, that he holds a seat
in the wasp-nest of the Neue Allgemeine Deutsche Bibliothek.[55]
Should the Parson ever chrysalise himself into an author, the watch-wasp
may then buzz out, and dart its sting into the chrysalis, and put its
own brood in the room of the murdered butterfly. As the Subrector
everywhere went about, and threatened in plain terms that he would
review his colleague, let not the public be surprised that Fixlein's
Errata, and his Masoretic Exercitationes, are to this hour withheld
from it.
In spring, the widowed church receives her new husband; and how it will
be, when Fixlein, under a canopy of flower-trees, takes the Sponsa
Christi in one hand, and his own Sponsa in the other,—this, without
an Eighth Letter-Box, which, in the present case, may be a true
jewel-box and rainbow-key,[56] can no mortal figure, except the
Sponsus himself.
Instalment in the Parsonage.
On the 15th of April 1793, the reader may observe, far down in the
hollow, three baggage-wagons groaning along. These baggage-wagons are
transporting the house-gear of the new Parson to Hukelum: the proprietor
himself, with a little escort of his parishioners, is marching at their
side, that of his china sets and household furniture there may be
nothing broken in the eighteenth century, as the whole came down to him
unbroken from the seventeenth. Fixlein hears the School-bell ringing
behind him; but this chime now sings to him, like a curfew, the songs of
future rest: he is now escaped from the Death-valley of the Gymnasium,
and admitted into the abodes of the Blessed. Here dwells no envy, no
colleague, no Subrector; here in the heavenly country, no man works in
the New Universal German Library; here, in the heavenly Hukelumic
Jerusalem, they do nothing but sing praises in the church; and here the
Perfected requires no more increase of knowledge.... Here too one need
not sorrow that Sunday and Saint's day so often fall together into one.
Truth to tell, the Parson goes too far: but it was his way from of old
never to paint out the whole and half shadows of a situation, till he
was got into a new one; the beauties of which he could then enhance by
contrast with the former. For it requires little reflection to discover
that the torments of a schoolmaster are nothing so extraordinary; but,
on the contrary, as in the Gymnasium, he mounts from one degree to
another, not very dissimilar to the common torments of Hell, which, in
spite of their eternity, grow weaker from century to century. Moreover,
since, according to the saying of a Frenchman, deux afflictions mises
ensemble peuvent devenir une consolation, a man gets afflictions enow
in a school to console him; seeing out of eight combined afflictions—I
reckon only one for every teacher—certainly more comfort is to be
extracted than out of two. The only pity is, that school-people will
never act towards each other as court-people do: none but polished men
and polished glasses will readily cohere. In addition to all this, in
schools—and in offices generally—one is always recompensed: for, as in
the second life, a greater virtue is the recompense of an earthly one,
so, in the Schoolmaster's case, his merits are always rewarded by more
opportunities for new merits; and often enough he is not dismissed from
his post at all.—
Eight Gymnasiasts are trotting about in the Parsonage, setting up,
nailing to, hauling in. I think, as a scholar of Plutarch, I am right to
introduce such seeming minutiæ. A man whom grown-up people love,
children love still more. The whole school had smiled on the smiling
Fixlein, and liked him in their hearts, because he did not thunder, but
sport with them; because he said Sie (They) to the Secundaners, and
the Subrector said Ihr (Ye); because his uprearing forefinger was his
only sceptre and baculus; because in the Secunda he had interchanged
Latin epistles with his scholars; and in the Quinta, had taught not with
Napier's Rods (or rods of a sharper description), but with sticks of
barley-sugar.
Today his churchyard appeared to him so solemn and festive, that he
wondered (though it was Monday) why his parishioners were not in their
holiday, but merely in their weekday drapery. Under the door of the
Parsonage stood a weeping woman; for she was too happy, and he was
her—son. Yet the mother, in the height of her emotion, contrives quite
readily to call upon the carriers, while disloading, not to twist off
the four corner globes from the old Frankish chest of drawers. Her son
now appeared to her as venerable, as if he had sat for one of the
copperplates in her pictured Bible; and that simply, because he had cast
off his pedagogue hair-cue, as the ripening tadpole does its tail; and
was now standing in a clerical periwig before her: he was now a Comet,
soaring away from the profane Earth, and had accordingly changed from a
stella caudata into a stella crinita.
His bride also had, on former days, given sedulous assistance in this
new improved edition of his house, and laboured faithfully among the
other furnishers and furbishers. But today she kept aloof; for she was
too good to forget the maiden in the bride. Love, like men, dies oftener
of excess than of hunger; it lives on love, but it resembles those
Alpine flowers, which feed themselves by suction from the wet clouds,
and die if you besprinkle them.—
At length the Parson is settled, and of course he must—for I know my
fair readers, who are bent on it as if they were bridemaids—without
delay get married. But he may not: before Ascension-day there can
nothing be done, and till then are full four weeks and a half. The
matter was this: He wished in the first place to have the murder-Sunday,
the Cantata, behind him; not indeed because he doubted of his earthly
continuance, but because he would not (even for the bride's sake) that
the slightest apprehension should mingle with these weeks of glory.
The main reason was, He did not wish to marry till he were betrothed:
which latter ceremony was appointed, with the Introduction Sermon, to
take place next Sunday. It is the Cantata-Sunday. Let not the reader
afflict himself with fears. Indeed, I should not have molested an
enlightened century with this Sunday-Wauwau at all, were it not that I
delineate with such extreme fidelity. Fixlein himself—especially as the
Quartermaster asked him if he was a baby—at last grew so sensible, that
he saw the folly of it; nay, he went so far, that he committed a greater
folly. For as dreaming that you die signifies, according to the exegetic
rule of false, nothing else than long life and welfare, so did Fixlein
easily infer that his death-imagination was just such a lucky dream;
the rather as it was precisely on this Cantata-Sunday that Fortune had
turned up her cornucopia over him, and at once showered down out of it a
bride, a presentation and a roll of ducats. Thus can Superstition imp
its wings, let Chance favour it or not.
A Secretary of State, a Peace-treaty writer, a Notary, any such
incarcerated Slave of the Desk, feels excellently well how far he is
beneath a Parson composing his inaugural sermon. The latter (do but look
at my Fixlein) lays himself heartily over the paper—injects the venous
system of his sermon-preparation with coloured ink—has a
Text-Concordance on the right side, and a Song-Concordance on the left;
is there digging out a marrowy sentence, here clipping off a
song-blossom, with both to garnish his homiletic pastry;—sketches out
the finest plan of operations, not, like a man of the world, to subdue
the heart of one woman, but the hearts of all women that hear him, and
of their husbands to boot;—draws every peasant passing by his window
into some niche of his discourse, to coöperate with the result;—and,
finally, scoops out the butter of the smooth soft hymn-book, and
therewith exquisitely fattens the black broth of his sermon, which is to
feed five thousand men.——
At last, in the evening, as the red sun is dazzling him at the desk, he
can rise with heart free from guilt; and, amid twittering sparrows and
finches, over the cherry-trees encircling the parsonage, look toward the
west, till there is nothing more in the sky but a faint gleam among the
clouds. And then when Fixlein, amid the tolling of the evening
prayer-bell, slowly descends the stair to his cooking mother, there
must be some miracle in the case, if for him whatever has been done or
baked, or served up in the lower regions, is not right and good.... A
bound, after supper, into the Castle; a look into a pure loving eye; a
word without falseness to a bride without falseness; and then under the
coverlid, a soft-breathing breast, in which there is nothing but
Paradise, a sermon and evening prayer.... I swear, with this I will
satisfy a Mythic God, who has left his Heaven, and is seeking a new one
among us here below!
Can a mortal, can a Me in the wet clay of Earth, which Death will soon
dry into dust, ask more in one week than Fixlein is gathering into his
heart? I see not how: At least I should suppose, if such a dust-framed
being, after such a twenty-thousand prize from the Lottery of Chance,
could require aught more, it would at most be the twenty-one-thousand
prize, namely, the inaugural discourse itself.
And this prize our Zebedäus actually drew on Sunday: he preached—he
preached with unction,——he did it before the crowding, rustling press
of people; before his Guardian, and before the Lord of Aufhammer, the
godfather of the priest and the dog;—a flock with whom in childhood he
had driven out the Castle herds about the pasture, he was now, himself a
spiritual sheep-smearer, leading out to pasture;—he was standing to the
ankles among Candidates and Schoolmasters, for today (what none of them
could) at the altar, with the nail of his finger, he might scratch a
large cross in the air, baptisms and marriages not once mentioned.... I
believe, I should feel less scrupulous than I do to chequer this
sunshiny esplanade with that thin shadow of the grave, which the
preacher threw over it, when, in the application, with wet heavy eyes,
he looked round over the mute attentive church, as if in some corner of
it he would seek the mouldering teacher of his youth and of this
congregation, who without, under the white tombstone, the wrong-side of
life, had laid away the garment of his pious spirit. And when he,
himself hurried on by the internal stream, inexpressibly softened by the
farther recollections of his own fear of death on this day, of his life
now overspread with flowers and benefits, of his entombed benefactress
resting here in her narrow bed—when he now—before the dissolving
countenance of her friend, his Thiennette—overpowered, motionless and
weeping, looked down from the pulpit to the door of the Schadeck vault,
and said: "Thanks, thou pious soul, for the good thou hast done to this
flock and to their new teacher; and, in the fulness of time, may the
dust of thy god-fearing and man-loving breast gather itself,
transfigured as gold-dust, round thy reawakened heavenly heart,"—was
there an eye in the audience dry? Her husband sobbed aloud; and
Thiennette, her beloved, bowed her head, sinking down with inconsolable
remembrances, over the front of the seat, like kindred mourners in a
funeral train.
No fairer forenoon could prepare the way for an afternoon in which a man
was to betroth himself forever, and to unite the exchanged rings with
the Ring of Eternity. Except the bridal pair, there was none present but
an ancient pair; the mother and the long Guardian. The bridegroom wrote
out the marriage-contract or marriage-charter with his own hand; hereby
making over to his bride, from this day, his whole moveable property
(not, as you may suppose, his pocket-library, but his whole library;
whereas, in the Middle Ages, the daughter of a noble was glad to get one
or two books for marriage-portion);—in return for which, she liberally
enough contributed—a whole nuptial coach or car, laden as follows: with
nine pounds of feathers, not feathers for the cap such as we carry, but
of the lighter sort such as carry us;—with a sumptuous dozen of
godchild-plates and godchild-spoons (gifts from Schadeck), together with
a fish-knife;—of silk, not only stockings (though even King Henri II.
of France could dress no more than his legs in silk), but whole
gowns;—with jewels and other furnishings of smaller value. Good
Thiennette! in the chariot of thy spirit lies the true dowry; namely,
thy noble, soft, modest heart, the morning-gift of Nature!
The Parson,—who, not from mistrust but from "the uncertainty of life,"
could have wished for a notary's seal on everything; to whom no security
but a hypothecary one appeared sufficient, and who, in the depositing of
every barleycorn, required quittances and contracts,—had now, when the
marriage-charter was completed, a lighter heart; and through the whole
evening the good man ceased not to thank his bride for what she had
given him. To me, however, a marriage-contract were a thing as painful
and repulsive,—I confess it candidly, though you should in consequence
upbraid me with my great youth,—as if I had to take my love-letter to a
Notary Imperial, and make him docket and countersign it before it could
be sent. Heavens! to see the light flower of Love, whose perfume acts
not on the balance, so laid like tulip-bulbs on the hay-beam of Law; two
hearts on the cold councillor-and flesh-beam of relatives and advocates,
who are heaping on the scales nothing but houses, fields and tin—this,
to the interested party, may be as delightful as, to the intoxicated
suckling and nursling of the Muses and Philosophy, it is to carry the
evening and morning sacrifices he has offered up to his goddess into the
book-shop, and there to change his devotions into money, and sell them
by weight and measure.——
From Cantata-Sunday to Ascension, that is, to marriage-day, are one and
a half weeks—or one and a half blissful eternities. If it is pleasant
that nights or winter separate the days and seasons of joy to a
comfortable distance; if, for example, it is pleasant that birthday,
Saint's-day, betrothment, marriage and baptismal day, do not all occur
on the same day (for with very few do those festivities, like Holiday
and Apostle's day, commerge),—then is it still more pleasant to make
the interval, the flower-border, between betrothment and marriage, of an
extraordinary breadth. Before the marriage-day are the true honey-weeks;
then come the wax-weeks; then the honey-vinegar-weeks.
In the Ninth Letter-Box, our Parson celebrates his wedding; and here, in
the Eighth, I shall just briefly skim over his way and manner of
existence till then; an existence, as might have been expected,
celestial enough. To few is it allotted, as it was to him, to have at
once such wings and such flowers (to fly over) before his nuptials; to
few is it allotted, I imagine, to purchase flour and poultry on the same
day, as Fixlein did;—to stuff the wedding-turkey with
hangman-meals;—to go every night into the stall, and see whether the
wedding-pig, which his Guardian has given him by way of
marriage-present, is still standing and eating;—to spy out for his
future wife the flax-magazines and clothes-press-niches in the
house;—to lay in new wood-stores in the prospect of winter;—to obtain
from the Consistorium directly, and for little smart-money, their Bull
of Dispensation, their remission of the threefold proclamation of
banns;—to live not in a city, where you must send to every fool
(because you are one yourself), and disclose to him that you are going
to be married; but in a little angular hamlet, where you have no one to
tell aught, but simply the Schoolmaster that he is to ring a little
later, and put a knee-cushion before the altar.——
O! if the Ritter Michaelis maintains that Paradise was little, because
otherwise the people would not have found each other,—a hamlet and its
joys are little and narrow, so that some shadow of Eden may still linger
on our Ball.——
I have not even hinted that, the day before the wedding, the
Regiments-Quartermaster came uncalled, and killed the pig, and made
puddings gratis, such as were never eaten at any Court.
And besides, dear Fixlein, on this soft rich oil of joy there was also
floating gratis a vernal sun,—and red twilights,—and
flower-garlands,—and a bursting half world of buds!...
How didst thou behave thee in these hot whirlpools of pleasure?—Thou
movedst thy Fishtail (Reason), and therewith describedst for thyself a
rectilineal course through the billows. For even half as much would have
hurried another Parson from his study; but the very crowning felicity of
ours was, that he stood as if rooted to the boundary-hill of Moderation,
and from thence looked down on what thousands flout away. Sitting
opposite the Castle-windows, he was still in a condition to reckon up
that Amen occurs in the Bible one hundred and thirty times. Nay, to
his old learned laboratory he now appended a new chemical stove: he
purposed writing to Nürnberg and Bayreuth, and there offering his pen to
the Brothers Senft, not only for composing practical Receipts at the
end of their Almanacs, but also for separate Essays in front under
the copperplate title of each Month, because he had a thought of making
some reformatory cuts at the common people's mental habitudes.... And
now, when in the capacity of Parson he had less to do, and could add to
the holy resting-day of the congregation six literary creating-days, he
determined (even in these Carnival weeks) to strike his plough into the
hitherto quite fallow History of Hukelum, and soon to follow the plough
with his drill....
Thus roll his minutes, on golden wheels-of-fortune, over the twelve
days, which form the glancing star-paved road to the third-heaven of the
thirteenth, that is to the
Or to the Marriage.
Rise, fair Ascension and Marriage day, and gladden readers also! Adorn
thyself with the fairest jewel, with the bride, whose soul is as pure
and glittering as its vesture; like pearl and pearl-muscle, the one as
the other, lustrous and ornamental! And so over the espalier, whose
fruit-hedge has hitherto divided our darling from his Eden, every reader
now presses after him!—
On the 9th of May 1793, about three in the morning, there came a sharp
peal of trumpets, like a light-beam, through the dim-red May-dawn: two
twisted horns, with a straight trumpet between them, like a note of
admiration between interrogation-points, were clanging from a house in
which only a parishioner (not the Parson) dwelt and blew: for this
parishioner had last night been celebrating the same ceremony which the
pastor had this day before him. The joyful tallyho raised our Parson
from his broad bed (and the Shock from beneath it, who some weeks ago
had been exiled from the white sleek coverlid), and this so early, that
in the portraying tester, where on every former morning he had observed
his ruddy visage and his white bedclothes, all was at present dim and
crayonned.
I confess, the new-painted room, and a gleam of dawn on the wall, made
it so light, that he could see his knee-buckles glancing on the chair.
He then softly awakened his mother (the other guests were to lie for
hours in the sheets), and she had the city cookmaid to awaken, who, like
several other articles of wedding-furniture, had been borrowed for a day
or two from Flachsenfingen. At two doors he knocked in vain, and without
answer; for all were already down at the hearth, cooking, blowing and
arranging.
How softly does the Spring day gradually fold back its nun-veil, and the
Earth grow bright, as if it were the morning of a Resurrection!—The
quicksilver-pillar of the barometer, the guiding Fire-pillar of the
weather-prophet, rests firmly on Fixlein's Ark of the Covenant. The Sun
raises himself, pure and cool, into the morning-blue, instead of into
the morning-red. Swallows, instead of clouds, shoot skimming through the
melodious air.... O, the good Genius of Fair Weather, who deserves many
temples and festivals (because without him no festival could be held),
lifted an ethereal azure Day, as it were, from the well-clear atmosphere
of the Moon, and sent it down, on blue butterfly-wings—as if it were a
blue Monday—glittering below the Sun, in the zigzag of joyful
quivering descent, upon the narrow spot of Earth, which our heated
fancies are now viewing.... And on this balmy vernal spot, stand amid
flowers, over which the trees are shaking blossoms instead of leaves, a
bride and a bridegroom.... Happy Fixlein! how shall I paint thee without
deepening the sighs of longing in the fairest souls?—
But soft! we will not drink the magic cup of Fancy to the bottom at six
in the morning; but keep sober till towards night!
At the sound of the morning prayer-bell, the bridegroom, for the din of
preparation was disturbing his quiet orison, went out into the
churchyard, which (as in many other places), together with the church,
lay round his mansion like a court. Here on the moist green, over whose
closed flowers the churchyard-wall was still spreading broad shadows,
did his spirit cool itself from the warm dreams of Earth: here, where
the white flat grave-stone of his Teacher lay before him like the
fallen-in door on the Janus'-temple of Life, or like the windward side
of the narrow house, turned towards the tempests of the world: here,
where the little shrunk metallic door on the grated cross of his father
uttered to him the inscriptions of death, and the year when his parent
departed, and all the admonitions and mementos, graven on the
lead;—there, I say, his mood grew softer and more solemn; and he now
lifted up by heart his morning prayer, which usually he read; and
entreated God to bless him in his office, and to spare his mother's
life; and to look with favour and acceptance on the purpose of
today.—Then over the graves he walked into his fenceless little angular
flower-garden; and here, composed and confident in the divine keeping,
he pressed the stalks of his tulips deeper into the mellow earth.
But on returning to the house, he was met on all hands by the
bell-ringing and the janissary-music of wedding-gladness;—the
marriage-guests had all thrown off their nightcaps, and were drinking
diligently;—there was a clattering, a cooking, a
frizzling;—tea-services, coffee-services and warm-beer-services, were
advancing in succession; and plates full of bride-cakes were going round
like potter's frames or cistern-wheels.—The Schoolmaster, with three
young lads, was heard rehearsing from his own house an Arioso, with
which, so soon as they were perfect, he purposed to surprise his
clerical superior.—But now rushed all the arms of the foaming
joy-streams into one, when the sky-queen besprinkled with blossoms, the
bride, descended upon Earth in her timid joy, full of quivering humble
love;—when the bells began;—when the procession-column set forth with
the whole village round and before it;—when the organ, the
congregation, the officiating priest and the sparrows on the trees of
the church-window, struck louder and louder their rolling peals on the
drum of the jubilee-festival.... The heart of the singing bridegroom was
like to leap from its place for joy, "that on his bridal-day it was all
so respectable and grand."—Not till the marriage-benediction could he
pray a little.
Still worse and louder grew the business during dinner, when pastry-work
and marchpane-devices were brought forward,—when glasses and slain
fishes (laid under the napkins to frighten the guests) went round;—and
when the guests rose, and themselves rent round, and at length danced
round: for they had instrumental music from the city there.
One minute handed over to the other the sugar-bowl and bottle-case of
joy: the guests heard and saw less and less, and the villagers began to
see and hear more and more, and towards night they penetrated like a
wedge into the open door,—nay two youths ventured even in the middle
of the parsonage-court, to mount a plank over a beam, and commence
seesawing.—Out of doors, the gleaming vapour of the departed Sun was
encircling the Earth, the evening-star was glittering over parsonage and
churchyard; no one heeded it.
However, about nine o'clock,—when the marriage-guests had well-nigh
forgotten the marriage-pair, and were drinking or dancing along for
their own behoof; when poor mortals, in this sunshine of Fate, like
fishes in the sunshine of the sky, were leaping up from their wet cold
element; and when the bridegroom under the star of happiness and love,
casting like a comet its long train of radiance over all his heaven, had
in secret pressed to his joy-filled breast his bride and his
mother,—then did he lock a slice of wedding-bread privily into a press,
in the old superstitious belief that this residue secured continuance of
bread for the whole marriage. As he returned, with greater love for the
sole partner of his life, she herself met him with his mother, to
deliver him in private the bridal-nightgown and bridal-shirt, as is the
ancient usage. Many a countenance grows pale in violent emotions, even
of joy: Thiennette's wax-face was bleaching still whiter under the
sunbeams of Happiness. O never fall, thou lily of Heaven, and may four
springs instead of four seasons open and shut thy flower-bells to the
sun!—All the arms of his soul, as he floated on the sea of joy, were
quivering to clasp the soft warm heart of his beloved, to encircle it
gently and fast, and draw it to his own....
He led her from the crowded dancing-room into the cool evening. Why does
the evening, does the night put warmer love in our hearts? Is it the
nightly pressure of helplessness; or is it the exalting separation from
the turmoil of life; that veiling of the world, in which for the soul
nothing more remains but souls;—is it therefore, that the letters in
which the loved name stands written on our spirit appear, like
phosphorus-writing, by night in fire, while by day in their cloudy
traces they but smoke?
He walked with his bride into the Castle-garden: she hastened quickly
through the Castle, and past its servants'-hall, where the fair flowers
of her young life had been crushed broad and dry, under a long dreary
pressure; and her soul expanded and breathed in the free open garden, on
whose flowery soil destiny had cast forth the first seeds of the
blossoms which today were gladdening her existence. Still Eden! green
flower-chequered chiaroscuro!—The moon is sleeping underground like
a dead one; but beyond the garden the sun's red evening-clouds have
fallen down like rose-leaves; and the evening-star, the brideman of the
sun, hovers, like a glancing butterfly, above the rosy red, and, modest
as a bride, deprives no single starlet of its light.
The wandering pair arrived at the old gardener's hut; now standing
locked and dumb, with dark windows in the light garden, like a fragment
of the Past surviving in the Present. Bared twigs of trees were folding,
with clammy half-formed leaves, over the thick intertwisted tangles of
the bushes.—The Spring was standing, like a conqueror, with Winter at
his feet.—In the blue pond, now bloodless, a dusky evening-sky lay
hollowed out, and the gushing waters were moistening the
flower-beds.—The silver sparks of stars were rising on the altar of the
East, and falling down extinguished in the red sea of the West.
The wind whirred, like a night-bird, louder through the trees; and gave
tones to the acacia-grove, and the tones called to the pair who had
first become happy within it: "Enter, new mortal pair, and think of what
is past, and of my withering and your own; and be holy as Eternity, and
weep not only for joy, but for gratitude also!"—And the wet-eyed
bridegroom led his wet-eyed bride under the blossoms, and laid his soul,
like a flower, on her heart, and said: "Best Thiennette, I am
unspeakably happy, and would say much, and cannot.—Ah, thou Dearest, we
will live like angels, like children together! Surely I will do all that
is good to thee; two years ago I had nothing, no nothing; ah, it is
through thee, best Love, that I am happy. I call thee Thou, now, thou
dear good soul!" She drew him closer to her, and said, though without
kissing him: "Call me Thou always, Dearest!"
And as they stept forth again from the sacred grove into the magic-dusky
garden, he took off his hat; first, that he might internally thank God,
and secondly, because he wished to look into this fairest evening sky.
They reached the blazing, rustling marriage-house, but their softened
hearts sought stillness; and a foreign touch, as in the blossoming vine,
would have disturbed the flower-nuptials of their souls. They turned
rather, and winded up into the churchyard to preserve their mood.
Majestic on the groves and mountains stood the Night before man's heart,
and made it also great. Over the white steeple-obelisk the sky rested
bluer and darker; and behind it wavered the withered summit of the
May-pole with faded flag. The son noticed his father's grave, on which
the wind was opening and shutting, with harsh noise, the little door of
the metal cross, to let the year of his death be read on the brass plate
within. An overpowering sadness seized his heart with violent streams of
tears, and drove him to the sunk hillock, and he led his bride to the
grave, and said: "Here sleeps he, my good father; in his thirty-second
year, he was carried hither to his long rest. O thou good, dear father,
couldst thou today but see the happiness of thy son, like my mother! But
thy eyes are empty, and thy breast is full of ashes, and thou seest us
not."—He was silent. The bride wept aloud; she saw the mouldering
coffins of her parents open, and the two dead arise and look round for
their daughter, who had stayed so long behind them, forsaken on the
Earth. She fell upon his heart, and faltered: "O beloved, I have neither
father nor mother, do not forsake me!"
O thou who hast still a father and a mother, thank God for it, on the
day when thy soul is full of joyful tears, and needs a bosom wherein to
shed them....
And with this embracing at a father's grave, let this day of joy be
holily concluded.—
St. Thomas's Day and Birthday.
An Author is a sort of bee-keeper for his reader-swarm; in whose behalf
he separates the Flora kept for their use into different seasons, and
here accelerates, and there retards, the blossoming of many a flower,
that so in all chapters there be blooming.
The goddess of Love and the angel of Peace conducted our married pair on
tracks running over full meadows, through the Spring; and on footpaths
hidden by high cornfields, through the Summer; and Autumn, as they
advanced towards Winter, spread her marbled leaves under their feet. And
thus they arrived before the low dark gate of Winter, full of life, full
of love, trustful, contented, sound and ruddy.
On St. Thomas's day was Thiennette's birthday as well as Winter's. About
a quarter past nine, just when the singing ceases in the church, we
shall take a peep through the window into the interior of the parsonage.
There is nothing here but the old mother, who has all day (the son
having restricted her to rest, and not work) been gliding about, and
brushing, and burnishing, and scouring, and wiping: every carved
chair-leg, and every brass nail of the waxcloth-covered table, she has
polished into brightness;—everything hangs, as with all married people
who have no children, in its right place, brushes, fly-flaps and
almanacs;—the chairs are stationed by the room-police in their ancient
corners;—a flax-rock, encircled with a diadem, or scarf of azure
ribbon, is lying in the Schadeckbed, because, though it is a half
holiday, some spinning may go on;—the narrow slips of paper, whereon
heads of sermons are to be arranged, lie white beside the sermons
themselves, that is, beside the octavo paper-book which holds them, for
the Parson and his work-table, by reason of the cold, have migrated from
the study to the sitting-room;—his large furred doublet is hanging
beside his clean bridegroom nightgown: there is nothing wanting in the
room but He and She. For he had preached her with him tonight into the
empty Apostle's-day church, that so her mother, without
witnesses—except the two or three thousand readers who are peeping with
me through the window—might arrange the provender-baking, and whole
commissariat department of the birthday-festival, and spread out her
best table-gear and victual-stores without obstruction.
The soul-curer reckoned it no sin to admonish, and exhort, and
encourage, and threaten his parishioners, till he felt pretty certain
that the soup must be smoking on the plates. Then he led his birthday
helpmate home, and suddenly placed her before the altar of
meat-offering, before a sweet title-page of bread-tart, on which her
name stood baked, in true monastic characters, in tooth-letters of
almonds. In the background of time and of the room, I yet conceal
two—bottles of Pontac. How quickly, under the sunshine of joy, do thy
cheeks grow ripe, Thiennette, when thy husband solemnly says: "This is
thy birthday; and may the Lord bless thee and watch over thee, and cause
his countenance to shine on thee, and send thee, to the joy of our
mother and thy husband especially, a happy glad recovery. Amen!"—And
when Thiennette perceived that it was the old mistress who had cooked
and served up all this herself, she fell upon her neck, as if it had
been not her husband's mother, but her own.
Emotion conquers the appetite. But Fixlein's stomach was as strong as
his heart; and with him no species of movement could subdue the
peristaltic. Drink is the friction-oil of the tongue, as eating is its
drag. Yet, not till he had eaten and spoken much, did the pastor fill
the glasses. Then indeed he drew the cork-sluice from the bottle, and
set forth its streams. The sickly mother, of a being still hid beneath
her heart, turned her eyes, in embarrassed emotion, on the old woman
only; and could scarcely chide him for sending to the city wine-merchant
on her account. He took a glass in each hand, for each of the two whom
he loved, and handed them to his mother and his wife, and said: "To thy
long, long life, Thiennette!—And your health and happiness, Mamma!—And
a glad arrival to our little one, if God so bless us!"—"My son," said
the gardeneress, "it is to thy long life that we must drink; for it is
by thee we are supported. God grant thee length of days!" added she,
with stifled voice, and her eyes betrayed her tears.
I nowhere find a livelier emblem of the female sex in all its boundless
levity, than in the case where a woman is carrying the angel of Death
beneath her heart, and yet in these nine months full of mortal tokens
thinks of nothing more important, than of who shall be the gossips, and
what shall be cooked at the christening. But thou, Thiennette, hadst
nobler thoughts, though these too along with them. The still-hidden
darling of thy heart was resting before thy eyes like a little angel
sculptured on a grave-stone, and pointing with its small finger to the
hour when thou shouldst die; and every morning and every evening, thou
thoughtest of death, with a certainty, of which I yet knew not the
reasons; and to thee it was as if the Earth were a dark mineral cave
where man's blood like stalactitic water drops down, and in dropping
raises shapes which gleam so transiently, and so quickly fade away! And
that was the cause why tears were continually trickling from thy soft
eyes, and betraying all thy anxious thoughts about thy child: but thou
repaidst these sad effusions of thy heart by the embrace in which, with
new-awakened love, thou fellest on thy husband's neck, and saidst: "Be
as it may, God's will be done, so thou and my child are left alive!—But
I know well that thou, Dearest, lovest me as I do thee.".... Lay thy
hand, good mother, full of blessings, on the two; and thou kind Fate,
never lift thine away from them!—
It is with emotion and good wishes that I witness the kiss of two fair
friends, or the embracing of two virtuous lovers; and from the fire of
their altar sparks fly over to me: but what is this to our sympathetic
exaltation, when we see two mortals, bending under the same burden,
bound to the same duties, animated by the same care for the same little
darlings—fall on one another's overflowing hearts, in some fair hour?
And if these, moreover, are two mortals who already wear the
mourning-weeds of life, I mean old age, whose hair and cheeks are now
grown colourless, and eyes grown dim, and whose faces a thousand thorns
have marred into images of Sorrow;—when these two clasp each other with
such wearied aged arms, and so near to the precipice of the grave, and
when they say or think: "All in us is dead, but not our love—O, we have
lived and suffered long together, and now we will hold out our hands to
Death together also, and let him carry us away together,"—does not all
within us cry: O Love, thy spark is superior to Time; it burns neither
in joy nor in the cheek of roses; it dies not, neither under a thousand
tears, nor under the snow of old age, nor under the ashes of
thy—beloved? It never dies: and Thou, All-good! if there were no
eternal love, there were no love at all....
To the Parson it was easier than it is to me to pave for himself a
transition from the heart to the digestive faculty. He now submitted to
Thiennette (whose voice at once grew cheerful, while her eyes time after
time began to sparkle) his purpose to take advantage of the frosty
weather, and have the winter meat slaughtered and salted: "the pig can
scarcely rise," said he; and forthwith he fixed the determination of the
women, farther the butcher, and the day, and all et ceteras;
appointing everything with a degree of punctuality, such as the
war-college (when it applies the cupping-glass, the battle-sword, to the
overfull system of mankind) exhibits on the previous day, in its
arrangements, before it drives a province into the baiting-ring and
slaughter-house.
This settled, he began to talk and feel quite joyously about the course
of winter, which had commenced today at two-and-twenty minutes past
eight in the morning: "for," said he, "new-year is close at hand; and we
shall not need so much candle tomorrow night as tonight." His mother, it
is true, came athwart him with the weapons of her five senses: but he
fronted her with his Astronomical Tables, and proved that the
lengthening of the day was no less undeniable than imperceptible. In the
last place, like most official and married persons, heeding little
whether his women took him or not, he informed them in
juristico-theological phrase: "That he would put off no longer, but
write this very afternoon to the venerable Consistorium, in whose hands
lay the jus circa sacra, for a new Ball to the church-steeple; and
the rather, as he hoped before newyear's day to raise a bountiful
subscription from the parish for this purpose.—If God spare us till
Spring," added he with peculiar cheerfulness, "and thou wert happily
recovered, I might so arrange the whole that the Ball should be set up
at thy first church-going, dame!"
Thereupon he shifted his chair from the dinner and dessert table to the
work-table; and spent the half of his afternoon over the petition for
the steeple-ball. As there still remained a little space till dusk, he
clapped his tackle to his new learned Opus, of which I must now afford
a little glimpse. Out of doors among the snow, there stood near Hukelum
an old Robber-Castle, which Fixlein, every day in Autumn, had hovered
round like a revenant, with a view to gauge it, ichnographically to
delineate it, to put every window-bar and every bridle-hook of it
correctly on paper. He believed he was not expecting too much, if
thereby—and by some drawings of the not so much vertical as horizontal
walls—he hoped to impart to his "Architectural Correspondence of two
Friends concerning the Hukelum Robber-Castle" that last polish and
labor limæ which contents Reviewers. For towards the critical
Starchamber of the Reviewers he entertained not that contempt which some
authors actually feel—or only affect, as for instance, I. From this
mouldered Robber-Louvre, there grew for him more flowers of joy, than
ever in all probability had grown from it of old for its owners.—To my
knowledge, it is an anecdote not hitherto made public, that for all this
no man but Büsching has to answer. Fixlein had not long ago, among the
rubbish of the church letter-room, stumbled on a paper wherein the
Geographer had been requesting special information about the statistics
of the village. Büsching, it is true, had picked up
nothing—accordingly, indeed, Hukelum, in his Geography, is still
omitted altogether;—but this pestilential letter had infected Fixlein
with the spring-fever of Ambition, so that his palpitating heart was no
longer to be stilled or held in check, except by the
assafœtida-emulsion of a review. It is with authorcraft as with love:
both of them for decades long one may equally desire and forbear: but is
the first spark once thrown into the powder-magazine, it burns to the
end of the chapter.
Simply because winter had commenced by the Almanac, the fire must be
larger than usual; for warm rooms, like large furs and bearskin-caps,
were things which he loved more than you would figure. The dusk, this
fair chiaroscuro of the day, this coloured foreground of the night, he
lengthened out as far as possible, that he might study Christmas
discourses therein: and yet could his wife, without scruple, just as he
was pacing up and down the room, with the sowing-sheet full of divine
word-seeds hung round his shoulder,—hold up to him a spoonful of
alegar, that he might try the same in his palate, and decide whether she
should yet draw it off. Nay, did he not in all cases, though fonder of
roe-fishes himself, order a milter to be drawn from the herring-barrel,
because his good-wife liked it better?—
Here light was brought in; and as Winter was just now commencing his
glass-painting on the windows, his ice flower-pieces, and his
snow-foliage, our Parson felt that it was time to read something cold,
which he pleasantly named his cold collation; namely, the description of
some unutterably frosty land. On the present occasion, it was the winter
history of the four Russian sailors on Nova Zembla. I, for my share, do
often in summer, when the sultry zephyr is inflating the flower-bells,
append certain charts and sketches of Italy, or the East, as additional
landscapes to those among which I am sitting. And yet tonight he farther
took up the Weekly Chronicle of Flachsenfingen; and amid the
bombshells, pestilences, famines, comets with long tails, and the
roaring of all the Hell-floods of another Thirty-Years War, he could
still listen with the one ear towards the kitchen, where the salad for
his roast-duck was just a-cutting.
Good-night, old Fixlein! I am tired. May kind Heaven send thee with the
young year 1794, when the Earth shall again carry her people, like
precious night-moths, on leaves and flowers, the new steeple-ball, and a
thick handsome—boy to boot!
Spring; Investiture; and Childbirth.
I have just risen from a singular dream; but the foregoing Box makes it
natural. I dreamed that all was verdant, all full of odours; and I was
looking up at a steeple-ball glittering in the sun, from my station in
the window of a little white garden-house, my eyelids full of
flower-pollen, my shoulders full of thin cherry-blossoms, and my ears
full of humming from the neighbouring bee-hives. Then, methought,
advancing slowly through the beds, came the Hukelum Parson, and stept
into the garden-house, and solemnly said to me: "Honoured Sir, my wife
has just brought me a little boy; and I make bold to solicit your
Honour to do the holy office for the same, when it shall be received
into the bosom of the church."
I naturally started up, and there was—Parson Fixlein standing bodily at
my bedside, and requesting me to be godfather: for Thiennette had given
him a son last night about one o'clock. The confinement had been as
light and happy as could be conceived; for this reason, that the father
had, some months before, been careful to provide one of those
Klappersteins, as we call them, which are found in the aerie of the
eagle, and therewith to alleviate the travail: for this stone performs,
in its way, all the service which the bonnet of that old Minorite monk
in Naples, of whom Gorani informs us, could accomplish for people in
such circumstances, who put it on....
—I might vex the reader still longer; but I willingly give up, and show
him how the matter stood.
Such a May as the present (of 1794), Nature has not, in the memory of
man—begun: for this is but the fifteenth of it. People of reflection
have for centuries been vexed once every year, that our German singers
should indite May-songs, since several other months deserve such a
poetical night-music much better; and I myself have often gone so far as
to adopt the idiom of our market-women, and instead of May butter, to
say June butter, as also June, March, April songs.—But thou, kind May
of this year, thou deservest to thyself all the songs which were ever
made on thy rude namesakes! By Heaven! when I now issue from the
wavering chequered acacia-grove of the Castle-garden, in which I am
writing this Chapter, and come forth into the broad living day, and look
up to the warming Heaven, and over its Earth budding out beneath
it,—the Spring rises before me like a vast full cloud, with a splendour
of blue and green. I see the Sun standing amid roses in the western sky,
into which he has thrown his ray-brush, wherewith he has today been
painting the Earth;—and when I look round a little in our
picture-exhibition, his enamelling is still hot on the mountains; on the
moist chalk of the moist Earth, the flowers full of sap-colours are laid
out to dry, and the forget-me-not with miniature colours; under the
varnish of the streams, the skyey Painter has pencilled his own eye; and
the clouds, like a decoration-painter, he has touched off with wild
outlines and single tints: and so he stands at the border of the Earth,
and looks back upon his stately Spring, whose robe-folds are valleys,
whose breast-bouquet is gardens, and whose blush is a vernal evening,
and who, when she arises, shall be—Summer.
But to proceed! Every spring—and especially in such a spring—I imitate
on foot our birds of passage; and travel off the hypochondriacal
sediment of winter: but I do not think I should have seen even the
steeple-ball of Hukelum, which is to be set up one of these days, to say
nothing of the Parson's family, had not I happened to be visiting the
Flachsenfingen Superintendent and Consistorialrath. From him I got
acquainted with Fixlein's history (every Candidatus must deliver an
account of his life to the Consistorium), and with his still madder
petition for a steeple-ball. I observed, with pleasure, how gaily the
cob was diving and swashing about in his duck-pool and milk-bath of
life; and forthwith determined on a journey to his shore. It is
singular, that is to say, manlike, that when we have for years kept
prizing and describing some original person or original book, yet the
moment we see such, they anger us: we would have them fit us and delight
us in all points, as if any originality could do this but our own.
It was Saturday the third of May, when I, with the Superintendent, the
Senior Capituli, and some temporal Raths, mounted and rolled off, and
in two carriages were driven to the Parson's door. The matter was, he
was not yet—invested, and tomorrow this was to be done. I little
thought, while we whirled by the white espalier of the Castle-garden,
that there I was to write another book.
I still see the Parson, in his peruke-minever and head-case, come
springing to the coach-door and lead us out; so smiling—so
courteous—so vain of the disloaded freight, and so attentive to it. He
looked as if in the journey of life he had never once put on the
travelling-gauze of Sorrow: Thiennette again seemed never to have
thrown hers back. How neat was everything in the house, how dainty,
decorated and polished! And yet so quiet, without the cursed
alarm-ringing of servants' bells, and without the bass-drum tumult of
stair-pedaling. Whilst the gentlemen, my road-companions, were sitting
in state in the upper room, I flitted, as my way is, like a smell, over
the whole house, and my path led me through the sitting-room over the
kitchen, and at last into the churchyard beside the house. Good
Saturday! I will paint thy hours as I may, with the black asphaltos of
ink, on the tablets of other souls! In the sitting-room, I lifted from
the desk a volume gilt on the back and edges, and bearing this title:
"Holy Sayings, by Fixlein. First Collection." And as I looked to see
where it had been printed, the Holy Collection turned out to be in
writing. I handled the quills, and dipped into the negro-black of the
ink, and I found that all was right and good: with your fluttering
gentlemen of letters, who hold only a department of the foreign, and
none of the home affairs, nothing (except some other things about them)
can be worse than their ink and pens. I also found a little copperplate,
to which I shall in due time return.
In the kitchen, a place not more essential for the writing of an English
novel, than for the acting of a German one, I could plant myself beside
Thiennette, and help her to blow the fire, and look at once into her
face and her burning coals. Though she was in wedlock, a state in which
white roses on the cheeks are changed for red ones, and young women are
similar to a similitude given in my Note;[57]—and although the blazing
wood threw a false rouge over her, I guessed how pale she must have
been; and my sympathy in her paleness rose still higher at the thought
of the burden which Fate had now not so much taken from her, as laid in
her arms and nearer to her heart. In truth, a man must never have
reflected on the Creation-moment, when the Universe first rose from the
bosom of an Eternity, if he does not view with philosophic reverence a
woman, whose thread of life a secret all-wondrous Hand is spinning to a
second thread, and who veils within her the transition from Nothingness
to Existence, from Eternity to Time;—but still less can a man have any
heart of flesh, if his soul, in presence of a woman, who, to an unknown
unseen being, is sacrificing more than we will sacrifice when it is seen
and known, namely, her nights, her joys, often her life, does not bow
lower, and with deeper emotion, than in presence of a whole
nun-orchestra on their Sahara-desert;—and worse than either is the man
for whom his own mother has not made all other mothers venerable.
"It is little serviceable to thee, poor Thiennette," thought I, "that
now, when thy bitter cup of sickness is made to run over, thou must
have loud festivities come crowding round thee." I meant the Investiture
and the Ball-raising. My rank, the diploma of which the reader will find
stitched in with the Dog-post-days, and which had formerly been hers,
brought about my ears a host of repelling, embarrassed, wavering titles
of address from her; which people, to whom they have once belonged, are
at all times apt to parade before superiors or inferiors, and which it
now cost me no little trouble to disperse. Through the whole Saturday
and Sunday, I could never get into the right track either with her or
him, till the other guests were gone. As for the mother, she acted, like
obscure ideas, powerfully and constantly, but out of view: this arose in
part from her idolatrous fear of us; and partly also from a slight shade
of care (probably springing from the state of her daughter), which had
spread over her like a little cloud.
I cruised about, so long as the moon-crescent glimmered in the sky, over
the churchyard; and softened my fantasies, which are at any rate too
prone to paint with the brown of crumbling mummies, not only by the red
of twilight, but also by reflecting how easily our eyes and our hearts
can become reconciled even to the ruins of Death; a reflection which the
Schoolmaster, whistling as he arranged the charnel-house for the morrow,
and the Parson's maid singing, as she reaped away the grass from the
graves, readily enough suggested to me. And why should not this
habituation to all forms of Fate in the other world, also, be a gift
reserved for us in our nature by the bounty of our great Preserver?—I
perused the grave-stones; and I think even now that Superstition[58] is
right in connecting with the reading of such things a loss of memory;
at all events, one does forget a thousand things belonging to this
world....
The Investiture on Sunday (whose Gospel, of the good shepherd, suited
well with the ceremony) I must dispatch in few words; because nothing
truly sublime can bear to be treated of in many. However, I shall impart
the most memorable circumstances, when I say that there was—drinking
(in the Parsonage),—music-making (in the Choir),—reading (of the
Presentation by the Senior, and of the Ratification-rescript by the lay
Rath),—and preaching, by the Consistorialrath, who took the soul-curer
by the hand, and presented, made over and guaranteed him to the
congregation, and them to him. Fixlein felt that he was departing as a
high-priest from the church, which he had entered as a country parson;
and all day he had not once the heart to ban. When a man is treated with
solemnity, he looks upon himself as a higher nature, and goes through
his solemn feasts devoutly.
This indenturing, this monastic profession, our Head-Rabbis and
Lodge-masters (our Superintendents) have usually a taste for putting off
till once the pastor has been some years ministering among the people,
to whom they hereby present him; as the early Christians frequently
postponed their consecration and investiture to Christianity, their
baptism namely, till the day when they died: nay, I do not even think
this clerical Investiture would lose much of its usefulness, if it and
the declaring-vacant of the office were reserved for the same day; the
rather as this usefulness consists entirely in two items; what the
Superintendent and his Raths can eat, and what they can pocket.
Not till towards evening did the Parson and I get acquainted. The
Investiture officials, and elevation pulley-men, had, throughout the
whole evening, been very violently—breathing. I mean thus: as these
gentlemen could not but be aware, by the most ancient theories and the
latest experiments, that air was nothing else than a sort of rarefied
and exploded water, it became easy for them to infer that, conversely,
water was nothing else than a denser sort of air. Wine-drinking,
therefore, is nothing else but the breathing of an air pressed together
into proper spissitude, and sprinkled over with a few perfumes. Now, in
our days, by clerical persons too much (fluid) breath can never be
inhaled through the mouth; seeing the dignity of their station excludes
them from that breathing through the smaller pores, which Abernethy so
highly recommends under the name of air-bath: and can the Gullet in
their case be aught else than door-neighbour to the Windpipe, the
consonant and fellow-shoot of the Windpipe?—I am running astray: I
meant to signify, that I this evening had adopted the same opinion; only
that I used this air or ether, not like the rest for loud laughter, but
for the more quiet contemplation of life in general. I even shot forth
at my gossip certain speeches, which betrayed devoutness: these he at
first took for jests, being aware that I was from Court, and of quality.
But the concave mirror of the wine-mist at length suspended the images
of my soul, enlarged and embodied like spiritual shapes, in the air
before me.—Life shaded itself off to my eyes like a hasty summer night,
which we little fire-flies shoot across with transient gleam;—I said to
him that man must turn himself like the leaves of the great mallow, at
the different day-seasons of his life, now to the rising sun, now to the
setting, now to the night, towards the Earth and its graves;—I said,
the omnipotence of Goodness was driving us and the centuries of the
world towards the gates of the City of God, as, according to Euler, the
resistance of the Ether leads the circling Earth towards the Sun, &c.
&c.
On the strength of these entremets, he considered me the first
theologian of his age; and had he been obliged to go to war, would
previously have taken my advice on the matter, as belligerent powers
were wont of old from the theologians of the Reformation. I hide not
from myself, however, that what preachers call vanity of the world, is
something altogether different from what philosophy so calls. When I,
moreover, signified to him that I was not ashamed to be an Author; but
had a turn for working up this and the other biography; and that I had
got a sight of his Life in the hands of the Superintendent; and might
be in case to prepare a printed one therefrom, if so were he would
assist me with here and there a tint of flesh-colour,—then was my silk,
which, alas! not only isolates one from electric fire, but also from a
kindlier sort of it, the only grate which rose between his arms and me;
for, like the most part of poor country parsons, it was not in his power
to forget the rank of any man, or to vivify his own on a higher one. He
said: "He would acknowledge it with veneration, if I should mention him
in print; but he was much afraid his life was too common and too poor
for a biography." Nevertheless, he opened me the drawer of his
Letter-boxes; and said, perhaps, he had hereby been paving the way for
me.
The main point, however, was, he hoped that his Errata, his
Exercitationes, and his Letters on the Robber-Castle, if I should
previously send forth a Life of the Author, might be better received;
and that it would be much the same as if I accompanied them with a
Preface.
In short, when on Monday the other dignitaries with their nimbus of
splendour had dissipated, I alone, like a precipitate, abode with him;
and am still abiding, that is, from the fifth of May (the Public should
take the Almanac of 1794, and keep it open beside them) to the
fifteenth: today is Thursday, tomorrow is the sixteenth and Friday, when
comes the Spinat-Kirmes, or Spinage-Wake, as they call it, and the
uplifting of the steeple-ball, which I just purposed to await before I
went. Now, however, I do not go so soon; for on Sunday I have to assist
at the baptismal ceremony, as baptismal agent for my little future
godson. Whoever pays attention to me, and keeps the Almanac open, may
readily guess why the christening is put off till Sunday: for it is that
memorable Cantata-Sunday, which once, for its mad narcotic
hemlock-virtues, was of importance in our History; but is now so only
for the fair betrothment, which after two years we mean to celebrate
with a baptism.
Truly it is not in my power—for want of colours and presses—to paint
or print upon my paper the soft balmy flower-garland of a fortnight
which has here wound itself about my sickly life; but with a single day
I shall attempt it. Man, I know well, cannot prognosticate either his
joys or his sorrows, still less repeat them, either in living or
writing.
The black hour of coffee has gold in its mouth for us and honey; here,
in the morning coolness, we are all gathered; we maintain popular
conversation, that so the parsoness and the gardeneress may be able to
take share in it. The morning-service in the church, where often the
whole people[59] are sitting and singing, divides us. While the bell is
sounding, I march with my writing-gear into the singing Castle-garden;
and seat myself in the fresh acacia-grove, at the dewy two-legged table.
Fixlein's Letter-boxes I keep by me in my pocket; and I have only to
look and abstract from his what can be of use in my own.—Strange
enough! so easily do we forget a thing in describing it, I really did
not recollect for a moment that I am now sitting at the very
grove-table, of which I speak, and writing all this.—
My gossip in the mean time is also labouring for the world. His study is
a sort of sacristy, and his printing-press a pulpit, wherefrom he
preaches to all men; for an Author is the Town-chaplain of the Universe.
A man, who is making a Book, will scarcely hang himself; all rich
Lords'-sons, therefore, should labour for the press; for, in that case,
when you awake too early in bed, you have always a plan, an aim, and
therefore a cause before you why you should get out of it. Better off
too is the author who collects rather than invents,—for the latter with
its eating fire calcines the heart: I praise the Antiquary, the
Heraldist, Notemaker, Compiler; I esteem the Title-perch (a fish
called Perca-Diagramma, because of the letters on its scales), and the
Printer (a chafer, called Scarabæus Typographus, which eats letters
in the bark of fir),—neither of them needs any greater or fairer arena
in the world than a piece of rag-paper, or any other laying-apparatus
than a pointed pencil, wherewith to lay his four-and-twenty
letter-eggs.—In regard to the catalogue raisonné, which my gossip is
now drawing up of German Errata, I have several times suggested to
him, "that it were good if he extended his researches in one respect,
and revised the rule, by which it has been computed, that e. g. for a
hundredweight of pica black-letter, four hundred and fifty semicolons,
three hundred periods, &c. are required; and to recount, and see whether
in Political writings and Dedications the fifty notes of admiration for
a hundredweight of pica black-letter were not far too small an
allowance, and if so, what the real quantity was?"
Several days he wrote nothing; but wrapped himself in the slough of his
parson's-cloak; and so in his canonicals, beside the Schoolmaster, put
the few A-b-c shooters, which were not, like forest-shooters, absent on
furlough by reason of the spring,—through their platoon firing in the
Hornbook. He never did more than his duty, but also never less. It
brought a soft benignant warmth over his heart, to think that he, who
had once ducked under a School-inspectorship, was now one himself.
About ten o'clock, we meet from our different museums, and examine the
village, especially the Biographical furniture and holy places, which I
chance that morning to have had under my pen or pantagraph; because I
look at them with more interest after my description than before it.
Next comes dinner.—
After the concluding grace, which is too long, we both of us set to
entering the charitable subsidies, and religious donations, which our
parishioners have remitted to the sinking or rather rising fund of the
church-box for the purchase of the new steeple-globe, into two ledgers:
the one of these, with the names of the subscribers, or (in case they
have subscribed for their children) with their children's names also, is
to be inurned in a leaden capsule, and preserved in the steeple-ball;
the other will remain below among the parish Registers. You cannot fancy
what contributions the ambition of getting into the Ball brings us in;
I declare, several peasants who had given and well once already,
contributed again when they had baptisms: must not little Hans be in the
Ball too?
After this book-keeping by double-entry, my gossip took to engraving on
copper. He had been so happy as to elicit the discovery, that from a
certain stroke resembling an inverted Latin S, the capital letters of
our German Chancery-hand, beautiful and intertwisted as you see them
stand in Law-deeds and Letters-of-nobility, may every one of them be
composed and spun out.
"Before you can count sixty," said he to me, "I take my
fundamental-stroke and make you any letter out of it."
I merely inverted this fundamental-stroke, that is, gave him a German S,
and counted sixty till he had it done. This line of beauty, when once it
has been twisted and flourished into all the capitals, he purposes by
copperplates which he is himself engraving, to make more common for the
use of Chanceries; and I may take upon me to give the Russian, the
Prussian, and a few other smaller Courts, hopes of proof impressions
from his hand: to under-secretaries they are indispensable.
Now comes evening; and it is time for us both, here forking about with
our fruit-hooks on the literary Tree of Knowledge, at the risk of our
necks, to clamber down again into the meadow-flowers and pasturages of
rural joy. We wait, however, till the busy Thiennette, whom we are now
to receive into our communion, has no more walks to take but the one
between us. Then slowly we stept along (the sick lady was weak) through
the office-houses; that is to say, through stalls and their population,
and past a horrid lake of ducks, and past a little milk-pond of carps,
to both of which colonies, I and the rest, like princes, gave bread,
seeing we had it in view on the Sunday after the christening, to—take
them for bread ourselves.
The sky is still growing kindlier and redder, the swallows and the
blossom-trees louder, the house-shadows broader, and men more happy. The
clustering blossoms of the acacia-grove hang down over our cold
collation; and the ham is not stuck (which always vexes me) with
flowers, but beshaded with them from a distance....
And now the deeper evening and the nightingale conspire to soften me;
and I soften in my turn the mild beings round me; especially the pale
Thiennette, to whom, or to whose heart, after the apoplectic crushings
of a downpressed youth, the most violent pulses of joy are heavier than
the movements of pensive sadness. And thus beautifully runs our pure
transparent life along, under the blooming curtains of May; and in our
modest pleasures we look with timidity neither behind us nor before; as
people who are lifting treasure gaze not round at the road they came, or
the road they are going.
So pass our days. Today, however, it was different: by this time,
usually, the evening meal is over; and the Shock has got the osseous
preparation of our supper between his jaws; but tonight I am still
sitting here alone in the garden, writing the Eleventh Letter-Box, and
peeping out every instant over the meadows, to see if my gossip is not
coming.
For he is gone to town, to bring a whole magazine of spiceries: his
coat-pockets are wide. Nay, it is certain enough that oftentimes he
brings home with him, simply in his coat-pocket, considerable
flesh-tithes from his Guardian, at whose house he alights; though truly
intercourse with the polished world and city, and the refinement of
manners thence arising,—for he calls on the bookseller, on
school-colleagues, and several respectable shopkeepers,—does, much more
than flesh-fetching, form the object of these journeys to the city. This
morning he appointed me regent head of the house, and delivered me the
fasces and curule chair. I sat the whole day beside the young pale
mother; and could not but think, simply because the husband had left me
there as his representative, that I liked the fair soul better. She had
to take dark colours, and paint out for me the winter landscape and ice
region of her sorrow-wasted youth; but often, contrary to my intention,
by some simple elegiac word, I made her still eye wet; for the too full
heart, which had been crushed with other than sentimental woes,
overflowed at the smallest pressure. A hundred times in the recital I
was on the point of saying: "O yes, it was with winter that your life
began, and the course of it has resembled winter!"—Windless, cloudless
day! Three more words about thee, the world will still not take amiss
from me!
I advanced nearer and nearer to the heart-central-fire of the women; and
at last they mildly broke forth in censure of the Parson; the best wives
will complain of their husbands to a stranger, without in the smallest
liking them the less on that account. The mother and the wife, during
dinner, accused him of buying lots at every book-auction; and, in
truth, in such places, he does strive and bid not so much for good or
for bad books—or old ones—or new ones—or such as he likes to read—or
any sort of favourite books—but simply for books. The mother blamed
especially his squandering so much on copperplates; yet some hours
after, when the Schultheis, or Mayor, who wrote a beautiful hand, came
in to subscribe for the steeple-ball, she pointed out to him how finely
her son could engrave, and said that it was well worth while to spend a
groschen or two on such capitals as these.
They then handed me,—for when once women are in the way of a full
open-hearted effusion, they like (only you must not turn the stop-cock
of inquiry) to pour out the whole,—a ring-case, in which he kept a
Chamberlain's key that he had found, and asked me if I knew who had lost
it. Who could know such a thing, when there are almost more Chamberlains
than picklocks among us?—
At last I took heart, and asked after the little toy-press of the
drowned son, which hitherto I had sought for in vain over all the house.
Fixlein himself had inquired for it, with as little success. Thiennette
gave the old mother a persuading look full of love; and the latter led
me up-stairs to an outstretched hoop-petticoat, covering the poor press
as with a dome. On the way thither the mother told me, she kept it hid
from her son, because the recollection of his brother would pain him.
When this deposit-chest of Time (the lock had fallen off) was laid open
to me, and I had looked into the little charnel-house, with its wrecks
of a childlike sportful Past, I, without saying a word, determined, some
time ere I went away, to unpack these playthings of the lost boy, before
his surviving brother: Can there be aught finer than to look at these
ash-buried, deep-sunk Herculanean ruins of childhood, now dug up and in
the open air?
Thiennette sent twice to ask me whether he was come. He and she,
precisely because they do not give their love the weakening expression
of phrases, but the strengthening one of actions, have a boundless
feeling of it towards one another. Some wedded pairs eat each other's
lips and hearts and love away by kisses,—as in Rome, the statues of
Christ (by Angelo) have lost their feet by the same process of kissing,
and got leaden ones instead; in other couples, again, you may see, by
mere inspection, the number of their conflagrations and eruptions, as in
Vesuvius you can discover his, of which there are now forty-three: but
in these two beings rose the Greek fire of a moderate and everlasting
love, and gave warmth without casting forth sparks, and flamed straight
up without crackling. The evening-red is flowing back more magically
from the windows of the gardener's cottage into my grove; and I feel as
if I must say to Destiny: "Hast thou a sharp sorrow, then throw it
rather into my breast, and strike not with it three good souls, who are
too happy not to bleed by it, and too sequestered in their little dim
village not to shrink back at the thunderbolt which hurries a stricken
spirit from its earthly dwelling."——
Thou good Fixlein! Here comes he hurrying over the parsonage-green. What
languishing looks full of love already rest in the eye of thy
Thiennette!—What news wilt thou bring us tonight from the town!—How
will the ascending steeple-ball refresh thy soul tomorrow!—
Steeple-ball-Ascension. The Toy-press.
How, on this sixteenth of May, the old steeple-ball was twisted-off from
the Hukelum steeple, and a new one put on in its stead, will I now
describe to my best ability; but in that simple historical style of the
Ancients, which, for great events, is perhaps the most suitable.
At a very early hour, a coach arrived containing Messrs. Court-Guilder
Zeddel and Locksmith Wächser, and the new Peter's-cupola of the steeple.
Towards eight o'clock the community, consisting of subscribers to the
Globe, was visibly collecting. A little later came the Lord Dragoon
Rittmeister von Aufhammer, as Patron of the church and steeple, attended
by Mr. Church-Inspector Streichert. Hereupon my Reverend Cousin Fixlein
and I repaired, with the other persons whom I have already named, into
the Church, and there celebrated before innumerable hearers a weekday
prayer-service. Directly afterwards, my Reverend Friend made his
appearance above in the pulpit, and endeavoured to deliver a speech
which might correspond to the solemn transaction;—and immediately
thereafter, he read aloud the names of the patrons and charitable souls,
by whose donations the Ball had been put together; and showed to the
congregation the leaden box in which they were specially recorded;
observing, that the book from which he had recited them was to be
reposited in the Parish Register-office. Next he held it necessary to
thank them and God, that he, above his deserts, had been chosen as the
instrument and undertaker of such a work. The whole he concluded with a
short prayer for Mr. Stechmann the Slater (who was already hanging on
the outside on the steeple, and loosening the old shaft); and entreated
that he might not break his neck, or any of his members. A short hymn
was then sung, which the most of those assembled without the
church-doors sang along with us, looking up at the same time to the
steeple.
All of us now proceeded out likewise; and the discarded ball, as it were
the amputated cock's-comb of the church, was lowered down and untied.
Church-Inspector Streichert drew a leaden case from the crumbling ball,
which my Reverend Friend put into his pocket, purposing to read it at
his convenience; I, however, said to some peasants: "See, thus will your
names also be preserved in the new Ball, and when, after long years, it
shall be taken down, the box lies within it, and the then parson becomes
acquainted with you all."—And now was the new steeple-globe, with the
leaden cup in which lay the names of the bystanders, at length
full-laden so to speak, and saturated, and fixed to the
pulley-rope;—and so did this the whilom cupping-glass of the community
ascend aloft....
By heaven! the unadorned style is here a thing beyond my power: for when
the Ball moved, swung, mounted, there rose a drumming in the centre of
the steeple; and the Schoolmaster, who, till now, had looked down
through a sounding-hole directed towards the congregation, now stept out
with a trumpet at a side sounding-hole, which the mounting Ball was not
to cross.—But when the whole Church rung and pealed, the nearer the
capital approached its crown,—and when the Slater clutched it and
turned it round, and happily incorporated the spike of it, and delivered
down, between Heaven and Earth, and leaning on the Ball, a
Topstone-speech to this and all of us,—and when my gossip's eyes, in
his rapture at being Parson on this great day, were running over, and
the tears trickling down his priestly garment;—I believe I was the only
man,—as his mother was the only woman,—whose souls a common grief laid
hold of to press them even to bleeding; for I and the mother had
yesternight, as I shall tell more largely afterwards, discovered in the
little chest of the drowned boy, from a memorial in his father's hand,
that, on the day after the morrow, on Cantata-Sunday and his
baptismal-Sunday, he would be—two-and-thirty years of age. "O!"
thought I, while I looked at the blue heaven, the green graves, the
glittering ball, the weeping priest, "so, at all times, stands poor man
with bandaged eyes before thy sharp sword, incomprehensible Destiny! And
when thou drawest it and brandishest it aloft, he listens with pleasure
to the whizzing of the stroke before it falls!"—
Last night I was aware of it; but to the reader, whom I was preparing
for it afar off, I would tell nothing of the mournful news, that, in the
press of the dead brother, I had found an old Bible which the boys had
used at school, with a white blank leaf in it, on which the father had
written down the dates of his children's birth. And even this it was
that raised in thee, thou poor mother, the shade of sorrow which of late
we have been attributing to smaller causes; and thy heart was still
standing amid the rain, which seemed to us already past over and changed
into a rainbow!—Out of love to him, she had yearly told one falsehood,
and concealed his age. By extreme good luck, he had not been present
when the press was opened. I still purpose, after this fatal Sunday, to
surprise him with the parti-coloured reliques of his childhood, and so
of these old Christmas-presents to make him new ones. In the mean while,
if I and his mother can but follow him incessantly, like
fish-hook-floats and foot-clogs, through tomorrow and next day, that no
murderous accident lift aside the curtain from his
birth-certificate,—all may yet be well. For now, in truth, to his eyes,
this birthday, in the metamorphotic mirror of his superstitious
imagination, and behind the magnifying magic vapour of his present joys,
would burn forth like a red death-warrant.... But besides all this, the
leaf of the Bible is now sitting higher than any of us, namely, in the
new steeple-ball, into which I this morning prudently introduced it.
Properly speaking there is indeed no danger.
Christening.
Today is that stupid Cantata-Sunday; but nothing now remains of it save
an hour.—By heaven! in right spirits were we all today. I believe I
have drunk as faithfully as another.—In truth, one should be moderate
in all things, in writing, in drinking, in rejoicing; and as we lay
straws into the honey for our bees that they may not drown in their
sugar, so ought one at all times to lay a few firm Principles, and twigs
from the tree of Knowledge, into the Syrup of life, instead of those
same bee-straws, that so one may cling thereto, and not drown like a
rat. But now I do purpose in earnest to—write (and also live) with
steadfastness; and therefore, that I may record the christening ceremony
with greater coolness,—to besprinkle my fire with the night-air, and to
roam out for an hour into the blossom-and-wave-embroidered night, where
a lukewarm breath of air, intoxicated with soft odours, is sinking down
from the blossom-peaks to the low-bent flowers, and roaming over the
meadows, and at last launching on a wave, and with it sailing down the
moonshiny brook. O, without, under the stars, under the tones of the
nightingale, which seem to reverberate, not from the echo, but from the
far-off down-glancing worlds; beside that moon, which the gushing brook
in its flickering watery band is carrying away, and which creeps under
the little shadows of the bank as under clouds,—O, amid such forms and
tones, the heart of man grows serious; and as of old an evening bell was
rung to direct the wanderer through the deep forests to his nightly
home, so in our Night are such voices within us and about us, which call
to us in our strayings, and make us calmer, and teach us to moderate our
own joys, and to conceive those of others.
I return, peaceful and cool enough, to my narrative. All yesternight I
left not the worthy Parson half an hour from my sight, to guard him from
poisoning the well of his life. Full of paternal joy, and with the
skeleton of the sermon (he was committing it to memory) in his hand, he
set before me all that he had; and pointed out to me the fruit-baskets
of pleasures which Cantata-Sunday always plucked and filled for him. He
recounted to me, as I did not go away, his baptisms, his accidents of
office; told me of his relatives; and removed my uncertainty with regard
to the public revenues—of his parish, to the number of his communicants
and expected catechumens. At this point, however, I am afraid that many
a reader will in vain endeavour to transport himself into my situation,
and still be unable to discover why I said to Fixlein: "Worthy gossip,
better no man could wish himself." I lied not, for so it is.... But
look in the Note.[60]
At last rose the Sunday, the present; and on this holy day, simply
because my little godson was for going over to Christianity, there was a
vast racket made: every time a conversion happens, especially of
nations, there is an uproaring and a shooting; I refer to the two
Thirty-Years Wars, to the more recent one, and to the earlier, which
Charlemagne so long carried on with the heathen Saxons: thus, in the
Palais Royal, the Sun, at his transit over the meridian, fires off a
cannon.[61] But this morning the little Unchristian, my godson, was
precisely the person least attended to; for, in thinking of the
conversion, they had no time left to think of the convert. Therefore I
strolled about with him myself half the forenoon; and, in our walk,
hastily conferred on him a private-baptism; having named him Jean Paul
before the priest did so. At midday, we sent the beef away as it had
come; the Sun of happiness having desiccated all our gastric juices. We
now began to look about us for pomp; I for scientific decorations of my
hair, my godson for his christening-shirt, and his mother for her
dress-cap. Yet before the child's-rattle of the christening-bell had
been jingled, I and the midwife, in front of the mother's bed,
instituted Physiognomical Travels[62] on the countenance of the small
Unchristian, and returned with the discovery, that some features had
been embossed by the pattern of the mother, and many firm portions
resembled me; a double similarity, in which my readers can take little
interest. Jean Paul looks very sensible for his years, or rather for
his minutes, for it is the small one I am speaking of.——
But now I would ask, what German writer durst take it upon him to spread
out and paint a large historic sheet, representing the whole of us as we
went to church? Would he not require to draw the father, with swelling
canonicals, moving forward slowly, devoutly, and full of emotion? Would
he not have to sketch the godfather, minded this day to lend out his
names, which he derived from two Apostles (John and Paul), as Julius
Cæsar lent out his names to two things still living even now (to a
month, and a throne)?—And must he not put the godson on his sheet, with
whom even the Emperor Joseph (in his need of nurse-milk) might become a
foster-brother, in his old days, if he were still in them?—
In my chamber, I have a hundred times determined to smile at
solemnities, in the midst of which I afterwards, while assisting at
them, involuntarily wore a petrified countenance, full of dignity and
seriousness. For, as the Schoolmaster, just before the baptism, began to
sound the organ,—an honour never paid to any other child in
Hukelum,—and when I saw the wooden christening-angel, like an alighted
Genius, with his painted timber arm spread out under the baptismal ewer,
and I myself came to stand close by him, under his gilt wing, I protest
the blood went slow and solemn, warm and close, through my pulsing head,
and my lungs full of sighs; and, to the silent darling lying in my arms,
whose unripe eyes Nature yet held closed from the full perspective of
the Earth, I wished, with more sadness than I do to myself, for his
Future also as soft a sleep as today; and as good an angel as today, but
a more living one, to guide him into a more living religion, and, with
invisible hand, conduct him unlost through the forest of Life, through
its falling trees, and Wild Hunters,[63] and all its storms and
perils.... Will the world not excuse me, if when, by a side-glance, I
saw on the paternal countenance prayers for the son, and tears of joy
trickling down into the prayer; and when I noticed on the countenance of
the grandmother far darker and fast-hidden drops, which she could not
restrain, while I, in answer to the ancient question, engaged to provide
for the child if its parents died,—am I not to be excused if I then
cast my eyes deep down on my little godson, merely to hide their running
over?—For I remembered that his father might perhaps this very day grow
pale and cold before a suddenly arising mask of Death; I thought how the
poor little one had only changed his bent posture in the womb with a
freer one, to bend and cramp himself ere long more harshly in the strait
arena of life; I thought of his inevitable follies and errors and sins;
of these soiled steps to the Grecian Temple of our Perfection; I thought
that one day his own fire of genius might reduce himself to ashes, as a
man that is electrified can kill himself with his own lightning.... All
the theological wishes, which, on the godson-billet printed over with
them, I placed in his young bosom, were glowing written in mine.... But
the white feathered-pink of my joy had then, as it always has, a bloody
point within it,—I again, as it always is, went to nest, like a
woodpecker, in a skull.... And as I am doing so even now, let the
describing of the baptism be over for today, and proceed again
tomorrow....
O, so is it ever! So does Fate set fire to the theatre of our little
plays, and our bright-painted curtain of Futurity! So does the Serpent
of Eternity wind round us and our joys, and crush, like the royal-snake,
what it does not poison! Thou good Fixlein!—Ah! last night, I little
thought that thou, mild soul, while I was writing beside thee, wert
already journeying into the poisonous Earth-shadow of Death.
Last night, late as it was, he opened the lead box found in the old
steeple-ball; a catalogue of those who had subscribed to the last
repairing of the church was there; and he began to read it now; my
presence and his occupations having prevented him before. O, how shall I
tell that the record of his birth-year, which I had hidden in the new
Ball, was waiting for him in the old one? that in the register of
contributions he found his father's name, with the appendage, "given for
his new-born son Egidius"?—
This stroke sank deep into his bosom, even to the rending of it asunder:
in this warm hour, full of paternal joy, after such fair days, after
such fair employments, after dread of death so often survived, here, in
the bright smooth sea, which is rocking and bearing him along, starts
snorting, from the bottomless abyss, the sea-monster Death; and the
monster's throat yawns wide, and the silent sea rushes into it in
whirlpools, and hurries him along with it.
But the patient man, quietly and slowly, and with a heart silent, though
deadly cold, laid the leaves together;—looked softly and firmly over
the churchyard, where, in the moonshine, the grave of his father was to
be distinguished;—gazed timidly up to the sky, full of stars, which a
white overarching laurel-tree half screened from his sight;—and though
he longed to be in bed, to settle there and sleep it off, yet he paused
at the window to pray for his wife and child, in case this night were
his last.
At this moment the steeple-clock struck twelve; but from the breaking of
a pin, the weights kept rolling down, and the clock-hammer struck
without stopping,—and he heard with horror the chains and wheels
rattling along; and he felt as if Death were hurling forth in a heap all
the longer hours which he might yet have had to live,—and now to his
eyes, the churchyard began to quiver and heave, the moonlight flickered
on the church-windows, and in the church there were lights flitting to
and fro, and in the charnel-house there was a motion and a tumult.
His heart fainted within him, and he threw himself into bed, and closed
his eyes that he might not see;—but Imagination in the gloom now blew
aloft the dust of the dead, and whirled it into giant shapes, and chased
these hollow fever-born masks alternately into lightning and shadow.
Then at last from transparent thoughts grew coloured visions, and he
dreamed this dream: He was standing at the window looking out into the
churchyard; and Death, in size as a scorpion, was creeping over it, and
seeking for his bones. Death found some arm-bones and thigh-bones on the
graves, and said: "They are my bones;" and he took a spine and the
bone-legs, and stood with them, and the two arm-bones and clutched with
them, and found on the grave of Fixlein's father a skull, and put it on.
Then he lifted a scythe beside the little flower-garden, and cried:
"Fixlein, where art thou? My finger is an icicle and no finger, and I
will tap on thy heart with it." The skeleton, thus piled together, now
looked for him who was standing at the window, and powerless to stir
from it; and carried in the one hand, instead of a sandglass, the
ever-striking steeple-clock, and held out the finger of ice, like a
dagger, far into the air....
Then he saw his victim above at the window, and raised himself as high
as the laurel-tree to stab straight into his bosom with the finger,—and
stalked towards him. But as he came nearer, his pale bones grew redder,
and vapours floated woolly round his haggard form. Flowers started up
from the ground; and he stood transfigured and without the clam of the
grave, hovering above them, and the balm-breath from the flower-cups
wafted him gently on;—and as he came nearer, the scythe and cloak were
gone, and in his bony breast he had a heart, and on his bony head red
lips;—and nearer still, there gathered on him soft, transparent,
rosebalm-dipt flesh, like the splendour of an Angel flying hither from
the starry blue;—and close at hand, he was an Angel with shut
snow-white eyelids....
The heart of my friend, quivering like a Harmonica-bell, now melted in
bliss in his clear bosom;—and when the Angel opened its eyes, his were
pressed together by the weight of celestial rapture, and his dream fled
away.——
But not his life: he opened his hot eyes, and—his good wife had hold of
his feverish hand, and was standing in room of the Angel.
The fever abated towards morning: but the certainty of dying still
throbbed in every artery of the hapless man. He called for his fair
little infant into his sick-bed, and pressed it silently, though it
began to cry, too hard against his paternal heavy-laden breast. Then
towards noon his soul became cool, and the sultry thunder-clouds within
it drew back. And here he described to us the previous (as it were,
arsenical) fantasies of his usually quiet head. But it is even those
tense nerves, which have not quivered at the touch of a poetic hand
striking them to melody of sorrow, that start and fly asunder more
easily under the fierce hand of Fate, when with sweeping stroke it
smites into discord the firm-set strings.
But towards night his ideas again began rushing in a torch-dance, like
fire-pillars round his soul: every artery became a burning-rod, and the
heart drove flaming naphtha-brooks into the brain. All within his soul
grew bloody: the blood of his drowned brother united itself with the
blood which had once flowed from Thiennette's arm, into a bloody
rain;—he still thought he was in the garden in the night of
betrothment, he still kept calling for bandages to stanch blood, and was
for hiding his head in the ball of the steeple. Nothing afflicts one
more than to see a reasonable moderate man, who has been so even in his
passions, raving in the poetic madness of fever. And yet if nothing save
this mouldering corruption can soothe the hot brain; and if, while the
reek and thick vapour of a boiling nervous-spirit, and the hissing
water-spouts of the veins are encircling and eclipsing the stifled soul,
a higher Finger presses through the cloud, and suddenly lifts the poor
bewildered spirit from amid the smoke to a sun—is it more just to
complain, than to reflect that Fate is like the oculist, who, when
about to open to a blind eye the world of light, first bandages and
darkens the other eye that sees?
But the sorrow does affect me, which I read on Thiennette's pale lips,
though do not hear. It is not the distortion of an excruciating agony,
nor the burning of a dried-up eye, nor the loud lamenting or violent
movement of a tortured frame that I see in her; but what I am forced to
see in her, and what too keenly cuts the sympathising heart, is a pale,
still, unmoved, undistorted face, a pale bloodless head, which Sorrow is
as it were holding up after the stroke, like a head just severed by the
axe of the headsman; for, O! on this form the wounds, from which the
three-edged dagger had been drawn, are all fallen firmly together, and
the blood is flowing from them in secret into the choking heart. O
Thiennette, go away from the sick-bed, and hide that face which is
saying to us: "Now do I know that I shall not have any happiness on
Earth; now do I give over hoping—would this life were but soon done."
You will not comprehend my sympathy, if you know not what, some hours
ago, the too loud lamenting mother told me. Thiennette, who of old had
always trembled for his thirty-second year, had encountered this
superstition with a nobler one: she had purposely stood farther back at
the marriage-altar, and in the bridal-night fallen sooner asleep than
he; thereby—as is the popular belief—so to order it that she might
also die sooner. Nay, she has determined if he die, to lay with his
corpse a piece of her apparel, that so she may descend the sooner to
keep him company in his narrow house. Thou good, thou faithful wife, but
thou unhappy one!—
I have left Hukelum, and my gossip his bed; and the one is as sound as
the other. The cure was as foolish as the malady.
It first occurred to me, that as Boerhaave used to remedy convulsions by
convulsions, one fancy might in my gossip's case be remedied by another;
namely, by the fancy that he was yet no man of thirty-two, but only a
man of six or nine. Deliriums are dreams not encircled by sleep; and all
dreams transport us back into youth, why not deliriums too? I
accordingly directed every one to leave the patient: only his mother,
while the fiercest meteors were dancing and hissing before his fevered
soul, was to sit down by him alone, and speak to him as if he were a
child of eight years. The bed-mirror also I directed her to cover. She
did so; she spoke to him as if he had the small-pox fever; and when he
cried: "Death is standing with two-and-thirty pointed teeth before me,
to eat my heart," she said to him: "Little dear, I will give thee thy
roller-hat, and thy copybook, and thy case, and thy hussar-cloak again,
and more too, if thou wilt be good." A reasonable speech he would have
taken up and heeded much less than he did this foolish one.
At last she said,—for to women in the depth of sorrow, dissimulation
becomes easy: "Well, I will try it this once, and give thee thy
playthings: but do the like again, thou rogue, and roll thyself about in
the bed so, with the small-pox on thee!" And with this, from her full
apron she shook out on the bed the whole stock of playthings and
dressing-ware, which I had found in the press of the drowned brother.
First of all his copybook, where Egidius in his eighth year had put down
his name, which he necessarily recognised as his own handwriting; then
the black velvet fall-hat or roller-cap; then the red and white
leading-strings; his knife-case, with a little pamphlet of tin-leaves;
his green hussar-cloak, with its stiff facings; and a whole orbis
pictus or fictus of Nürnberg puppets....
The sick man recognised in a moment these projecting peaks of a
spring-world sunk in the stream of Time,—these half shadows, this dusk
of down-gone days,—this conflagration-place and Golgotha of a heavenly
time, which none of us forgets, which we love forever, and look back to
even from the grave.... And when he saw all this, he slowly turned round
his head, as if he were awakening from a long heavy dream; and his whole
heart flowed down in warm showers of tears, and he said, fixing his full
eyes on the eyes of his mother: "But are my father and brother still
living, then?"—"They are dead lately," said the wounded mother; but her
heart was overpowered, and she turned away her eyes, and bitter tears
fell unseen from her down-bent head. And now at once that evening, when
he lay confined to bed by the death of his father, and was cured by his
playthings, overflowed his soul with splendour and lights, and presence
of the past.
And so Delirium dyed for itself rosy wings in the Aurora of life, and
fanned the panting soul,—and shook down golden butterfly-dust from its
plumage on the path, on the flowerage of the suffering man;—in the far
distance rose lovely tones, in the distance floated lovely clouds,—O,
his heart was like to fall in pieces, but only into fluttering
flower-stamina, into soft sentient nerves; his eyes were like to melt
away, but only into dewdrops for the cups of joy-blossoms, into
blooddrops for loving hearts; his soul was floating, palpitating,
drinking and swimming in the warm relaxing rose-perfume of the brightest
delusion....
The rapture bridled his feverish heart; and his mad pulse grew calm.
Next morning, his mother, when she saw that all was prospering, would
have had the church-bells rung, to make him think that the second Sunday
was already here. But his wife (perhaps out of shame in my presence) was
averse to the lying; and said it would be all the same if we moved the
month-hand of his clock (but otherwise than Hezekiah's Dial) eight days
forward; especially as he was wont rather to rise and look at his clock
for the day of the month, than to turn it up in the Almanac. I for my
own part simply went up to the bedside, and asked him: "If he was
cracked—what in the world he meant with his mad death-dreams, when he
had lain so long, and passed clean over the Cantata-Sunday, and yet, out
of sheer terror, was withering to a lath?"
A glorious reinforcement joined me; the Flesher or Quartermaster. In his
anxiety, he rushed into the room, without saluting the women, and I
forthwith addressed him aloud: "My gossip here is giving me trouble
enough, Mr. Regiments-Quartermaster: last night, he let them persuade
him he was little older than his own son: here is the child's fall-hat
he was for putting on." The Guardian deuced and devilled, and said:
"Ward, are you a parson or a fool?—Have not I told you twenty times,
there was a maggot in your head about this?"—
At last he himself perceived that he was not rightly wise, and so grew
better; besides the guardian's invectives, my oaths contributed a good
deal; for I swore I would hold him as no right gossip, and edit no word
of his Biography, unless he rose directly and got better....
—In short, he showed so much politeness to me that he rose and got
better.—He was still sickly, it is true, on Saturday; and on Sunday
could not preach a sermon (something of the sort the Schoolmaster read,
instead); but yet he took Confessions on Saturday, and at the altar
next day he dispensed the Sacrament. Service ended, the feast of his
recovery was celebrated, my farewell-feast included; for I was to go in
the afternoon.
This last afternoon I will chalk out with all possible breadth, and
then, with the pantagraph of free garrulity, fill up the outline and
draw on the great scale.
During the Thanksgiving-repast, there arrived considerable personal
tribute from his catechumens, and fairings by way of bonfire for his
recovery; proving how much the people loved him, and how well he
deserved it: for one is oftener hated without reason by the many, than
without reason loved by them. But Fixlein was friendly to every child;
was none of those clergy, who never pardon their enemies except
in—God's stead; and he praised at once the whole world, his wife and
himself.
I then attended at his afternoon's catechising; and looked down (as he
did in the first Letter-Box) from the choir, under the wing of the
wooden cherub. Behind this angel, I drew out my note-book, and shifted a
little under the cover of the Black Board, with its white
Psalm-ciphers,[64] and wrote down what I was there—thinking. I was well
aware, that when I today, on the twenty-fifth of May, retired from this
Salernic[65] spinning-school, where one is taught to spin out the
thread of life, in fairer wise, and without wetting it by foreign
mixtures,—I was well aware, I say, that I should carry off with me far
more elementary principles of the Science of Happiness, than the whole
Chamberlain piquet ever muster all their days. I noted down my first
impression, in the following Rules of Life for myself and the press:
"Little joys refresh us constantly like house-bread, and never bring
disgust; and great ones, like sugar-bread, briefly, and then bring
it.—Trifles we should let, not plague us only, but also gratify us; we
should seize not their poison-bags only, but their honey-bags also: and
if flies often buz about our room, we should, like Domitian, amuse
ourselves with flies, or, like a certain still living Elector,[66] feed
them.—For civic life and its micrologies, for which the Parson has a
natural taste, we must acquire an artificial one; must learn to love
without esteeming it; learn, far as it ranks beneath human life, to
enjoy it like another twig of this human life, as poetically as we do
the pictures of it in romances. The loftiest mortal loves and seeks the
same sort of things with the meanest; only from higher grounds and by
higher paths. Be every minute, Man, a full life to thee!—Despise
anxiety and wishing, the Future and the Past!—If the Second-pointer
can be no road-pointer into an Eden for thy soul, the Month-pointer
will still less be so, for thou livest not from month to month, but from
second to second! Enjoy thy Existence more than thy Manner of Existence,
and let the dearest object of thy Consciousness be this Consciousness
itself!—Make not the Present a means of thy Future; for this Future is
nothing but a coming Present; and the Present, which thou despisest, was
once a Future which thou desiredst!—Stake in no lotteries,—keep at
home,—give and accept no pompous entertainments,—travel not abroad
every year!—Conceal not from thyself, by long plans, thy household
goods, thy chamber, thy acquaintance!—Despise Life, that thou mayst
enjoy it!—Inspect the neighbourhood of thy life; every shelf, every
nook of thy abode; and nestling in, quarter thyself in the farthest and
most domestic winding of thy snail-house!—Look upon a capital but as a
collection of villages, a village as some blind-alley of a capital; fame
as the talk of neighbours at the street-door; a library as a learned
conversation, joy as a second, sorrow as a minute, life as a day; and
three things as all in all: God, Creation, Virtue!"——
And if I would follow myself and these rules, it will behove me not to
make so much of this Biography; but once for all, like a moderate man,
to let it sound out.
After the Catechising, I stept down to my wide-gowned and black-gowned
gossip. The congregation gone, we clambered up to all high places,
perused the plates on the pews,—I took a lesson on the altar on its
inscription incrusted with the sediment of Time (I speak not
metaphorically); I organed, my gossip managing the bellows; I mounted
the pulpit, and was happy enough there to alight on one other
rose-shoot, which, in the farewell minute, I could still plant in the
rose-garden of my Fixlein. For I descried aloft, on the back of a wooden
Apostle, the name Lavater, which the Zurich Physiognomist had been
pleased to leave on this sacred Torso in the course of his wayfaring.
Fixlein did not know the hand, but I did, for I had seen it frequently
in Flachsenfingen, not only on the tapestry of a Court Lady there, but
also in his Hand-Library;[67] and met with it besides in many country
churches, forming, as it were, the Directory and Address-Calendar of
this wandering name, for Lavater likes to inscribe in pulpits, as a
shepherd does in trees, the name of his beloved. I could now advise my
gossip prudently to cut away the name, with the chip of wood containing
it, from the back of the Apostle, and to preserve it carefully among his
curiosa.
On returning to the parsonage, I made for my hat and stick; but the
design, as it were the projection and contour of a supper in the
acacia-grove, had already been sketched by Thiennette. I declared that I
would stay till evening, in case the young mother went out with us to
the proposed meal ... and truly the Biographer at length got his way,
all doctors' regulations notwithstanding.
I then constrained the Parson to put on his Kräutermütze,[68] or
Herb-cap, which he had stitched together out of simples for the
strengthening of his memory; "Would to Heaven," said I, "that Princes
instead of their Princely Hats, Doctors and Cardinals instead of theirs,
and Saints instead of martyr-crowns, would clap such memory-bonnets on
their heads!"—Thereupon, till the roasting and cooking within doors
were over, we marched out alone over the parsonage meadows, and talked
of learned matters, we packed ourselves into the ruined Robber-Castle,
on which my gossip, as already mentioned, has a literary work in hand. I
deeply approved, the rather as this Kidnapper-tower had once belonged to
an Aufhammer, his intention of dedicating the description to the
Rittmeister: that nobleman, I think, will sooner give his name to the
Book than to the Shock. For the rest, I exhorted my fellow-craftsman to
pluck up literary heart, and said to him: "A fearless pen, good gossip!
Let Subrector Hans von Füchslein be, if he like, the Dragon of the
Apocalypse, lying in wait for the delivery of the fugitive Woman, to
swallow the offspring; I am there too, and have my friend the Editor of
the Litteraturzeitung at my side, who will gladly permit me to give an
anticritique, on paying the insertion-dues!"—I especially excited
him to new fillings and return-freights of his Letter-Boxes. I have not
taken oath that into this biographical chest-of-drawers, I will not in
the course of time introduce another Box. "Neither to my godson, worthy
gossip, will it do any harm that he is presented, poor child, even now
to the reading public, when he does not count more months than, as
Horace will have it, a literary child should count years, namely,
nine."
In walking homewards, I praised his wife. "If marriage," said I to him,
"is the madder, which in maids, as in cotton, makes the colours visible,
then I contend, that Thiennette, when a maid, could scarcely be so good
as she is now when a wife. By Heaven! in such a marriage, I should write
Books of quite another sort, divine ones; in a marriage, I mean, where
beside the writing-table (as beside the great voting-table at the
Regensburg Diets, there are little tables of confectionery); where in
like manner, I say, a little jar of marmalade were standing by me,
namely, a sweetened, dainty, lovely face, and out of measure fond of the
Letter-Box-writer, gossip! Your marriage will resemble the Acacia-grove
we are now going to, the leaves of which grow thicker with the heat of
summer, while other shrubs are yielding only shrunk and porous shade."
As we entered through the upper garden-door into this same bower, the
supper and the good mistress were already there. Nothing is more pure
and tender than the respect with which a wife treats the benefactor or
comrade of her husband: and happily the Biographer himself was this
comrade, and the object of this respect. Our talk was cheerful, but my
spirit was oppressed. The fetters, which bind the mere reader to my
heroes, were in my case of triple force; as I was at once their guest
and their portrait-painter. I told the Parson that he would live to a
greater age than I, for that his temperate temperament was balanced as
if by a doctor so equally between the nervousness of refinement, and the
hot thick-bloodedness of the rustic. Fixlein said that if he lived but
as long as he had done, namely, two-and-thirty years, it would amount,
exclusive of the leap-year-days, to 280,320 seconds, which in itself was
something considerable; and that he often reckoned up with satisfaction
the many thousand persons of his own age that would have a life equally
long.
At last I tried to get in motion; for the red lights of the falling sun
were mounting up over the grove, and dipping us still deeper in the
shadows of night: the young mother had grown chill in the evening dew.
In confused mood, I invited the Parson to visit me soon in the city,
where I would show him not only all the chambers of the Palace, but the
Prince himself. Gladder there was nothing this day on our old world than
the face to which I said so; and than the other one which was the mild
reflexion of the former.—For the Biographer it would have been too
hard, if now in that minute, when his fancy, like mirror-telescopes, was
representing every object in a tremulous form, he had been obliged to
cut and run; if, I will say, it had not occurred to him that to the
young mother it could do little harm (but much good), were she to take a
short walk, and assist in escorting the Author and architect of the
present Letter-Box out of the garden to his road.
In short, I took this couple one in each hand, instead of under each
arm, and moved with them through the garden to the Flachsenfingen
highway. I often abruptly turned round my head between them, as if I had
heard some one coming after us; but in reality I only meant once more,
though mournfully, to look back into the happy hamlet, whose houses were
all dwellings of contented still Sabbath-joy, and which is happy enough,
though over its wide-parted pavement-stones there passes every week but
one barber, every holiday but one dresser of hair, and every year but
one hawker of parasols. Then truly I had again to turn round my head,
and look at the happy pair beside me. My otherwise affectionate gossip
could not rightly suit himself to these tokens of sorrow: but in thy
heart, thou good, so oft afflicted sex, every mourning-bell soon finds
its unison; and Thiennette, ennobled with the thin trembling resonance
of a reverberating soul, gave me back all my tones with the beauties of
an echo.——At last we reached the boundary, over which Thiennette
could not be allowed to walk; and now must I part from my gossip, with
whom I had talked so gaily every morning (each of us from his bed), and
from the still circuit of modest hope where he dwelt, and return once
more to the rioting, fermenting Court-sphere, where men in bull-beggar
tone demand from Fate a root of Life-Licorice, thick as the arm, like
the botanical one on the Wolga, not so much that they may chew the sweet
beam themselves, as fell others to earth with it.
As I thought to myself that I would say, Farewell! to them, all the
coming plagues, all the corpses, and all the marred wishes of this good
pair, arose before my heart; and I remembered that little save the
falling asleep of joy-flowers would mark the current of their Life-day,
as it does of mine and of every one's.—And yet is it fairer, if they
measure their years not by the Water-clock of falling tears, but by
the Flower-clock[69] of asleep-going flowers, whose bells in our
short-lived garden are sinking together before us from hour to hour.—
I would even now—for I still recollect how I hung with streaming eyes
over these two loved ones, as over their corpses—address myself, and
say: Far too soft, Jean Paul, whose chalk still sketches the models of
Nature on a ground of Melancholy; harden thy heart like thy frame, and
waste not thyself and others by such thoughts. Yet why should I do it,
why should I not confess directly what, in the softest emotion, I said
to these two beings? "May all go right with you, ye mild beings," I
said, for I no longer thought of courtesies, "may the arm of Providence
bear gently your lacerated hearts, and the good Father, above all these
suns which are now looking down on us, keep you ever united, and exalt
you still undivided to his bosom and his lips!"—"Be you too right happy
and glad!" said Thiennette.—"And to you, Thiennette," continued I, "Ah!
to your pale cheeks, to your oppressed heart, to your long cold
maltreated youth, I can never, never wish enough. No! But all that can
soothe a wounded soul, that can please a pure one, that can still the
hidden sigh—O, all that you deserve—may this be given you; and when
you see me again, then say to me, 'I am now much happier!'"
We were all of us too deeply moved. We at last tore ourselves asunder
from repeated embraces; my friend retired with the soul whom he
loves;—I remained alone behind him with the Night.
And I walked without aim through woods, through valleys, and over
brooks, and through sleeping villages, to enjoy the great Night like a
Day. I walked, and still looked like the magnet, to the region of
midnight, to strengthen my heart at the gleaming twilight, at this
upstretching Aurora of a morning beneath our feet. White
night-butterflies flitted, white blossoms fluttered, white stars fell,
and the white snow-powder hung silvery in the high Shadow of the Earth,
which reaches beyond the Moon, and which is our Night. Then began the
Eolian Harp of the Creation to tremble and to sound, blown on from
above, and my immortal soul was a string in this Harp.—The heart of a
brother everlasting Man swelled under the everlasting Heaven, as the
seas swell under the Sun and under the Moon.—The distant village-clocks
struck midnight, mingling, as it were, with the ever-pealing tone of
ancient Eternity.—The limbs of my buried ones touched cold on my soul,
and drove away its blots, as dead hands heal eruptions of the skin.—I
walked silently through little hamlets, and close by their outer
churchyards, where crumbled upcast coffin-boards were glimmering, while
the once bright eyes that had laid in them were mouldered into gray
ashes.—Cold thought! clutch not like a cold spectre at my heart: I look
up to the starry sky, and an everlasting chain stretches thither, and
over and below; and all is Life, and Warmth, and Light, and all is
godlike or God....
Towards morning I descried thy late lights, little city of my dwelling,
which I belong to on this side the grave; I returned to the Earth; and
in thy steeples, behind the by-advanced great Midnight, it struck
half-past two; about this hour, in 1794, Mars went down in the west, and
the Moon rose in the east; and my soul desired, in grief for the noble
warlike blood which is still streaming on the blossoms of Spring: "Ah
retire, bloody War, like red Mars; and thou, still Peace, come forth
like the mild divided Moon!"—
THE END.