The Wedding Day

[THE PARTS IN BRACKETS THROUGHOUT MAY BE USED OR NOT, AT DISCRETION.]

At the day and time appointed for the Solemnization of Matrimony, the persons to be married—having been qualified according to law—standing together, the Man on the right hand and the Woman on the left, the Minister shall say:

early beloved: we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the presence of these witnesses, to join together this man and this woman in holy Matrimony; which is an honorable estate, instituted of God in the time of man's innocency, signifying unto us the mystical union that exists between Christ and his Church; which holy estate Christ adorned and beautified with his presence, and first miracle that he wrought in Cana of Galilee, and is commended of Saint Paul to be honorable among all men; and therefore is not by any to be entered into unadvisedly, but reverently, discreetly, and in the fear of God.

Into which holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined. Therefore, if any can show just cause why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter forever hold his peace.

[And also, speaking unto the persons who are to be married, the Minister shall say:

 require and charge you both, that if either of you know any impediment why you may not be lawfully joined together in Matrimony, you do now confess it; for be ye well assured, that so many as are coupled together otherwise than God's word doth allow are not joined together by God, neither is their Matrimony lawful.]

If no impediment be alleged, then shall the Minister say unto the Man:

 Wilt thou have this woman to be thy wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health: and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her so long as ye both shall live?

The Man shall answer:

I will.

Then shall the Minister say unto the Woman:

 Wilt thou have this man to be thy wedded husband, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love, honor, and keep him, in sickness and in health: and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto him so long as ye both shall live?

The Woman shall answer:

I will.

[Then the Minister shall cause the Man with his right hand to take the Woman by her right hand, and to say after him as followeth:

 M. take thee N. to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance: And thereto I plight thee my faith.

Then shall they loose their hands, and the Woman with her right hand taking the Man by his right hand shall likewise say after the Minister:

 N. take thee M. to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance: and thereto I plight thee my faith.]

Then shall the Minister Pray thus:

 eternal God, Creator and Preserver of all mankind, Giver of all spiritual grace, the Author of everlasting life: send thy blessing upon these thy servants, this man and this woman, whom we bless in thy name; that as Isaac and Rebecca lived faithfully together, so these persons may surely perform and keep the vow and covenant between them made, and may ever remain in perfect love and peace together, and live according to thy laws, through Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen.

[If the parties desire it, the Man shall here hand a Ring to the Minister, who shall return it to him, and direct him to place it on the third finger of the Woman's left hand. And the Man shall say to the Woman, repeating after the Minister:

ith this ring I thee wed, and with my worldly goods I thee endow, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.  Amen.]

Then shall the Minister join their right hands together, and say:

orasmuch as M. and N. have consented together in holy wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God and this company, and thereto have pledged their faith either to other, and have declared the same by joining of hands; I pronounce that they are husband and wife together, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Those whom God hath joined together, let no man put asunder.  Amen.

And the Minister shall add this blessing:

od the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, bless, preserve, and keep you; the Lord mercifully with his favor look upon you, and so fill you with all spiritual benediction and grace, that ye may so live together in this life, that in the world to come ye may have life everlasting.  Amen.

Then shall the Minister offer the following Prayer:

 God of Abraham, God of Isaac, God of Jacob, bless this man and this woman, and sow the seed of eternal life in their hearts, that whatsoever in thy holy word they shall profitably learn, they may indeed fulfill the same. Look, O Lord, mercifully on them from heaven, and bless them: as thou didst send thy blessings upon Abraham and Sarah to their great comfort, so vouchsafe to send thy blessings upon this man and this woman, that they, obeying thy will, and always being in safety under thy protection, may abide in thy love unto their lives' end, through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Almighty God, who at the beginning didst create our first parents, Adam and Eve, and didst sanctify and join them together in marriage, pour upon these persons the riches of thy grace, sanctify and bless them, that they may please thee both in body and soul, and live together in holy love unto their lives' end.  Amen.

Here the Minister may use extemporary Prayer.

Then the Minister shall repeat the Lord's Prayer:

ur Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread: and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us: and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: for thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever.  Amen.

he founding of a new home marks an important era in a human life. Whether you be poor or wealthy, wise or ignorant, it is all the same—you begin a new existence. The associations of childhood and youth now undergo a total change. The familiar scenes disappear suddenly. Longfellow, in his "Hanging of the Crane," writes the following touching words on the eventful day:

What sort of a home shall the new one be? Shall it be the abode of happy hearts and pure and noble lives, or shall discontent and misery prevail? Jane Welch Carlyle says truly: "If ever one is to pray—if ever one is to feel grave and anxious—if ever one is to shrink from vain show and vain babble—surely it is just on the occasion of two human beings binding themselves to one another, for better and for worse, till death part them."

Great is the difference in households. As one walks along a beautiful street in a city there is nothing in the fronts of the houses to indicate the kind of life which passes within doors. But an intimate acquaintance, such as a faithful pastor gains in the course of his labors, often reveals the fact that in some of the most magnificent houses there is no peace or joy, while in some of the humblest cottages there is a calm and loving spirit which continues and grows from year to year.

The kind of a house, even the adornments which wealth and luxury bring, do not determine the true home. The two people who establish the new household decide its quality.

That the people who occupy a home decide its quality is beautifully expressed by Nathaniel Cotton, a poet of the last century:

If those who occupy the home resolve to be happy and contented, to avoid envying persons of larger means and higher social position, to lead a life of mutual confidence and esteem, and to serve God with trustful love, their home will be to them a sacred place. I was once pastor of a church in Fulton Street, Elizabeth, N. J., where the most of the members were mechanics and laborers and on the railroad. Their circumstances were limited, and they had but little power to adorn their houses. But in some of those homes there reigned such beauty of spirit, such contentment with the condition in life, such kindliness and sympathy, such cheerfulness and patience, that it was a joy to cross the threshold and commune with the members of the plain and unambitious families. The memories of those visits are among the most delightful of my pastoral experience.

Suppose, then, your new home is plain and homely. Remember, that marble walls, and broad and polished halls, and masterpieces in painting on the walls, and a daily fare of luxuries, and table service of silver and gold, and a retinue of liveried servants do not constitute a home. Though the new home consist of only a few rooms, if mutual love and admiration reign within the narrow walls, no historical palace can be half so beautiful or attractive.

But for a home to be truly beautiful there must needs be, always, one guest—the Saviour. There were many magnificent buildings in Jerusalem when He walked its streets and performed his miraculous works of healing. But in all the land, and in all the ages, there was never one more charming than that little home in Bethany, where Lazarus and his sisters Mary and Martha constituted the household. And why was that the perfect home? Because our Lord was always the welcome Guest.

very thing depends on the way you begin your new life in your own new home. The household altar is a supreme necessity. No hesitation or timidity should be allowed to prevent family worship. If both of you are members of the Church, the holding of a brief family worship need not be a serious trial. The difficulty will be when only one is a Christian, and still greater will it be if neither is a Christian. What is to be done under such circumstances? Must the having family worship be postponed until the religious life be commenced? That is uncertain, and it may be years before a household altar is established. The only safe way is to begin at once by holding a short service. Simple it may be. It was the daily custom of President Hayes, during his presidential term of office, to convene his family for daily worship. The prayer consisted of only the Lord's Prayer. But it was enough. The minds of the household were directed toward spiritual things. The help of God was sought, to bear whatever burdens the day might bring.

However great the embarrassment in the face of this great duty, let it not prevent the brief domestic worship. Begin—begin immediately. A short Scripture reading, followed by prayer, even only the Lord's Prayer, will be sufficient. There are good forms of prayer, some of which I have used to advantage. Fletcher's Family Devotion; Sturm's Family Devotions; Morison's Family Prayers; Cumming's Daily Family Devotion; Family Worship, by one hundred and eighty clergymen of the Church of Scotland; Cassell's Family Devotion; Dale's Domestic Liturgy; Thornton's Family Prayers; Thompson and Spurgeon's Home Worship and the Use of the Bible in the Home; and Jay's Morning and Evening Exercises, are good books for this purpose. The works of Fletcher, Thornton, and the Home Worship of Thompson and Spurgeon are worthy of special commendation. Even when one is accustomed to extemporaneous prayer, the use of one of the above books will, nevertheless, be of great service in preventing stereotyped phrases and trains of thought. I have often found that my own needs, and I believe those of my family, have been better and more exactly described by others than by myself. It is best, however, to get into no fixed form. Let the extemporaneous prayer, or the printed form of prayer, be used judiciously, as circumstances require.

Care should be taken that the home worship may not be made tedious, and thus become a burden. I have always found it best to use the Bible for the Scripture selection rather than the selections made in the books containing forms of prayer. It is well to read the Bible in course, and to have the same copy of the Bible from which to read brief selections, without being governed by the divisions in chapters. Your one and the same Bible, being used every day in family worship, becomes very precious with the growing years. It will be associated with all the tenderest memories of the home life. I have occasionally used a different copy of the Bible in my own home for family worship, but none is half so dear as the plain, old, and well-worn copy with which I began, when I established my own home altar, far back in the years.

But, besides worship together at the family altar, there should be private prayer. Every one should have a place where he can worship God alone. Our Lord saw the necessity that each of his disciples should be alone with him. Hence he said: "When thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly." Begin the day by solitary communing with God. End the day in the same way, by asking God for his forgiveness for the past, for his preservation for the night, and for his care in all the time to come.

But some one may say: "Does not this attention to religious duties make the new home gloomy?" Not at all. It is the way to make it bright and cheerful. The wedding day soon passes by, and in time will come the regular domestic life, with its monotony and cares. Leave this life to God's ordering. He alone can make us strong for every hour's demands. The German poet Schirmer says a wise word, which well applies to all who begin life in the new home:

Vinet here lays down the true principle of a thoroughly good life at home: "Wherever we advance in the path of marriage and of life, with eyes lifted up toward a Saviour we love, with a salvation we hope for, with a spirit of prayer and supplication through which Jesus Christ constantly intervenes by his Spirit between the husband and wife—there, indeed, a marriage may be happy; nay, must be infallibly so. The union between two converted hearts is necessarily sweet and unutterable; without this there is no security." The new home consecrated by prayer—daily prayer—will become what that beautiful home of Sir Thomas More was—"a school and exercise of the Christian religion."

reat art is required in making beautiful the new home. The house need not be large and stately in order to be attractive to the eye. More attention has been paid of late in this country to the adornment of homes than in former years. We Americans begin to see, as never before, that the enjoyment of the occupants of a house is in some way connected with the furnishing and general effect. Let every room be used. Let the inner doors be kept wide open. In this way the atmosphere will be uniform and of free circulation; the interior of the house will appear to its full size, and the general effect will be more cheerful. Even the humblest means need not prevent some simple hangings and a few prints on the walls.

I would let the sunlight pour into the new home. The old dread that the carpets will get faded and the curtains get spoiled is an abomination. My own habit is, so soon as I get down stairs in the morning—and I am an early riser—to draw aside the curtains, to let the shades fly up, and to throw the sashes wide open. By and by, if from the street this airy appearance is considered a little unfashionable, and those within choose to shut out the sunlight in a measure, I rejoice that I have had my unfashionable way, and the sun has had his golden way, for a while at least. Gladness comes into the house with the blaze of the blessed sun. Let all the rooms share the joy. I suppose a carpet somewhat faded will wear as long as if the colors were fresh. But if the penalty for having bright and sunny rooms is to be some faded carpets and window hangings, let the full penalty be paid, and cheerfully, too. No price is too great for a bright and sunny home.

The sight of a few flowers adds to the beauty of even the humblest home. Even a sprig of arbutus or jessamine, or a lily of the valley, on the table, will make every meal the sweeter. The Germans of the poorest class, all over the Fatherland, never forget to have flowers in their lowly homes. If the family occupy only a few rooms in a lofty story, they will be sure to have beautiful plants on the window-ledge, and here and there within the rooms. These are of such kind that the succession of flowers is well kept up in all seasons. Throughout the year, when there is no frost, these flowering plants at the German windows can be seen from the street to the highest flat. The varied flowers and the hanging vines form beautiful pictures in village and town.

Away with the thought that wealth is needed to make the home beautiful! It is a question of taste, tact, and a desire to please another. On the very street where I live there is a quiet little house, occupied by a newly-married couple. It is inexpensive, and the furniture is not costly. But there is so much taste in the furnishing and ornamentation, and there is so much brightness in all the rooms, that the home is a charming picture. I seldom pass it without thinking of the beautiful, but not costly, interior.

 home without books is a desert. In these days all the standard authors can be bought at small price, and even the humblest home should be adorned with the companionship of at least some of them. You may not have a taste for reading; at any rate, you may think you have not. But possibly you have made a mistake in the kind of books you have tried to enjoy, and so imagined that you do not like any books. Try another class, and you will likely be surprised to find that you can enjoy them. Suppose you have not the experience to select proper books. Now, you will have a pastor, of course, and a church home. Make a friend of that pastor. He ought to be a good adviser in the matter of proper books. At any rate, get some judicious friend to help you in the choice. Buy only a very few books at a time, and let your little home-library grow gradually. Never buy a book that you have your doubts about. Emerson's advice to buy only a standard work, which has been out for years, has its good and safe quality. Avoid too much fiction and a superabundance of periodical literature. One popular magazine is enough. The money which you have for reading-matter should be confined chiefly to books, and they ought to be the world's masterpieces.

I am satisfied that in the average home there is too little reading. History, biography, travel, with a fair share of religious books, can be read in course at home, in the odd half hours, and the mind become richly stored with facts. Is there any thing in the domestic life which ought to interfere with this constant culture of the mind? Not at all. The domestic life is highly favorable to mental discipline. The very beginning of real intellectual improvement in many a mind has been in the new home of persons just married. The reading aloud of an interesting work, the one to the other, is a delightful entertainment, and gives a new charm to life. Every effort must be employed to keep the mind from becoming sluggish and barren. We need information, the thoughts of the good and great and richly endowed, to make our own lives richer.

It would be a wise arrangement if every man and woman, on establishing their home, would set apart some time for intellectual improvement by the reading of good books. I am acquainted with a young lady, who, on entering her plain little house, found that her husband and herself were so interrupted by visits and other claims on their time in the evening, that they resolved to rise an hour earlier in the morning, and devote the time to reading and study. They were thus free from interruption, and had ample opportunity, before the regular duties of the day began, to store their minds with useful knowledge. I think it probable that they will carry this excellent custom with them through life.

Much of my time is spent in high-ways, and along the narrow by-ways of life. My homes are many. But when my good fortune brings me at night to occupy a room far from my own home, where a good book or two are to be found, I can say with Milton, in his Areopagitica: "A good book is the precious life-blood of a master-spirit embalmed and treasured up on purpose to a life beyond;" and with Wordsworth, in his "Personal Talk":

I like a home where you can see the books. A choice book-case with glass doors, and the doors locked, ought to be expelled from the home. Let the books be where they can be seen and easily reached. Let them not be confined to one room, but so distributed that nearly every room shall have at least a few in sight. A few books here and there about the house, and even in the bed-rooms, are worth more than a costly piece of furniture. When we see books in our homes, and they are where we can handle them without effort, we are apt to take them up, and get snatches of good reading.

he marriage bond is sacred. It lasts for life: "Until death do us part." But it is probable that qualities of temperament and mind in each one will develop which will surprise the other. Some of these may produce an unfavorable impression. Others may prove most agreeable surprises. Each person has come from a different class of associations, and each has a different nature. Here comes in the great necessity of accommodation and adaptation. Too early and too much criticism spoils many a home. "One silent, both happy," is an old motto well worth observing. But often a single appreciative word will brighten the whole sky. One of Franklin's plain phrases has its wise lesson: "As we must account for every idle word, so we must for every idle silence." Frederika Bremer says: "Marriage has a morrow, and again a morrow." You will need to bear with each other, and to so act, each to the other, that every day may be made beautiful and happy, and the whole future one of mutual and respectful forbearance.

"Foolish to think," says Dr. A. P. Peabody, "that the whole mutual life can flow on like the early stream, without a ripple or eddy. Home is a school, a discipline whereby husband and wife are to grow unto each other, getting rid of their angularities, harmonizing their peculiar characteristics, and more and more becoming one in thought, sympathy, and life. The true blessedness of wedded souls is not insured by a simple exchange of plighted faith. It comes through and after many a self-denial, many a crucifixion of the will, many a scourging of the resentment, anger, pride, vanity, and passions of the heart. It is true here, as in other relations, that 'he who saveth his life shall lose it, and he that loseth his life shall save it.'"

Do not forget, then, that the life at home has its severe tests. If it is not an expected thing, it will be the unexpected which will try your nature and make your burden heavy. You should remember, if there is fault, that it is not all on one side. The unkind word may come to the lips, but it should never be spoken.

The graces of patience, sublime calmness, golden silence, should be cultivated with delightful zeal. You may each have had your way, but now the way of another must be respected. Besides, it may be a much better and safer way than yours. John Angell James says: "Where both have infirmities, and they are so constantly together, innumerable occasions will be furnished, if we are eager, or even willing, to avail ourselves of the opportunities for those contentions which, if they do not produce a permanent suppression of love, lead to its temporary interruption. Many things we should connive at, others we should pass by with an unprovoked mind, and in all things most carefully avoid even what at first may seem to be an innocent disputation."

The real basis of adaptation is mutual respect and love. Neither the husband nor the wife must judge each other too critically. The indiscreet word, or error of any kind, must never be allowed to cause a doubt as to the heart's deep affection. Gentleness, patience, time, will give ample opportunity for the full sunlight to break forth. Each heart needs the other for true happiness. It must be a united life. In "Hiawatha" we read the true relation:

The married life, to be supremely happy, must be thoroughly unselfish. I was once on shipboard with a tourist who was accompanied by his wife, but for whose opinion he seemed, even to other travelers, to show but little respect. The voyage was a long one, and while the wife's bearing was most gentle and kindly, his manner impressed me as thoroughly selfish. I do not imagine that he was aware of the abrupt and strongly personal quality of his bearing toward his refined and cultured wife. With all his wealth he lacked that appearance of tenderness which is more than gold or precious stones.

No effort must be spared by either husband or wife to contribute to the other's happiness and comfort. It does not require a long time, especially when living together, for one to see what will please another. This desire to please, strengthening with the days and years, revealing itself in a thousand kindly ways, will do more than any thing else to make the home a paradise on earth.

Cowper gives the true secret of a beautiful and strengthening reciprocal adaptation:

I believe the Germans excel all others in literature in their warm tributes to the faithful love and devotion of their wives. Kerner, the Suabian author, said this beautiful word in testimony of his wife after their long years of happiness together: "She hath borne with me." Martin Luther said of his wife, the devoted Catherine: "I would not exchange my poverty with her for all the riches of Crœsus without her." Bismarck, the man of "blood and iron," says of his wife: "She it is who made me what I am."

very day becomes a yesterday. Our conduct at home should be such that the morrow will bring no regrets. Mrs. Sigourney thus describes the changes that must come over the brightest home:

It is sad enough when either a man or his wife learns first, when one or the other is taken away by death, that there has been a life-long want of considerate tenderness.

Supposing the late Thomas Carlyle had been a little more attentive to his brilliant and devoted wife during their long and lonely life in the plain home in Cheyne Row, in Chelsea, London, such words as these, which escaped her in a letter to a friend, could never have been said: "Those little attentions which we women attach so much importance to he was never in the habit of rendering to any one; his upbringing, and the severe turn of mind he has from nature, had alike indisposed him toward them."

But the grim old man saw his mistake at last. It was all too late, however. It was only after all her sacrifices had been made, and he had written his many works, and she lay in her grave, that he awoke to a knowledge of his long neglect. Mr. Froude says that Carlyle often said, when there was no more opportunity for a kind word to reach his wife: "O if I could but see her for five minutes, to assure her that I really cared for her throughout all that; but she never knew it, she never knew it." It is no wonder that Mr. Froude was compelled to write of Carlyle these sad words: "For many years after she had left him, when he passed the spot where she was last seen alive he would bare his gray head in the wind and rain, his features wrung with unavailing sorrow."

We are prone to take too many things for granted. You should not assume that your thoughtless word, or harsh manner, or forgetfulness of little and delicate attentions will have no effect, and will be duly passed by as unmeaning. No such thing! Every word or look which is incompatible with genuine love and respect weighs like a millstone. Gentle attentions will be remembered, not only through the day, but through all the days. Recently, while on a visit in Irvington-on-the-Hudson, the widow of a celebrated publisher led me to the portrait of her lamented husband, and stood in admiration before the magnificent painting. She then said to me: "I esteem it the greatest honor that could be conferred upon me to have been the wife of such a man." Could there be a grander tribute to an attentive and devoted husband?

In that exquisite work, Memorials of a Quiet Life, Mrs. Hare pays this beautiful tribute to her husband: "I never saw any body so easy to live with, by whom the daily petty things of life were passed over so lightly; and then there is a charm in the refinement of feeling which is not to be told in its influence upon trifles." Mrs. Stowe, in describing the good qualities of the Duchess of Sutherland in her own home in Scotland, says that she excelled in considerateness. Paul's advice is as beautiful as it is true, and suits young married people perfectly. In the Revised Version it reads thus: "In lowliness of mind each counting other better than himself; not looking each of you to his own things, but each of you also to the things of others." Another piece of Pauline advice is of equally useful quality: "Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another."

Happy are they whom death has not yet divided, and to whom it is still granted to say such words and do such kindly acts as will prove delightful memories when the Happy To-Days become only Yesterdays in the Home.

Transcriber's Note:
The second signature on the "Witnesses" page does not reproduce in the scan shown.

 

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