The So-called Human Race

About this eBook

Author

Taylor, Bert Leston, 1866-1921

Credits

Produced by Bryan Ness, David Wilson and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.)

Language

English

LoC Class

PS: Language and Literatures: American and Canadian literature

Subject

Newspapers -- Sections, columns, etc. -- Excerpts

Category

Text

eBook-No.

31138

Project Gutenberg

https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/31138

Release Date

January 31, 2010

Copyright

Public domain in the USA.

Contents

1. 1.[p i ] The So-Called Human Race — [p iii ] The So-Called Human Race — [p v ] WORLD WITHOUT END
2. 2.[p vii ] Foreword — By Henry B. Fuller — [p xi ] The So-Called Human Race
3. 3.[p 1 ] A LINE-O’-TYPE OR TWO — SIMPLE — [p 2 ] NO DOUBT THERE ARE OTHERS. — [p 3 ] AN OBSERVANT KANSAN. [From the Emporia Gazette.] — THE GIRL OF THE PERIOD. — WHAT DO YOU MEAN “ALMOST”! [From the Cedar Rapids Republican.] — WE’LL TELL THE PLEIADES SO. — WHERE ’VANGIE LIES. Rondeau Sentimental to Evangeline, the Office Goat. — [p 6 ] THE SECOND POST. (Letter from an island caretaker.) — HEARD IN THE BANK. — TO A WELL-KNOWN GLOBE. — [p 15 ] HOME TIES. — THEY FOUND THEM IN THE ALLEY. — THE TOONERVILLE TROLLEY. — O WILD! O STRANGE! “That wild and strange thing, the press.”— H. G. Wells. — [p 19 ] THE POPOCATEPETL OF APPRECIATION. [From the Paris, Ill., News.] — GARDENS. — GOOD NIGHT! [From the Omaha Bee.]
4. 4.[p 25 ] Gilded Fairy Tales. — ( Revised and regilded for comprehension by the children of the very rich. ) — THE BABES IN THE WOOD. — I — [p 27 ] II — III — [p 30 ] LITTLE RED RIDING-HOOD. — I — II — [p 33 ] JACK AND THE BEANSTALK. — I — II — III
5. 5.[p 39 ] A LINE-O’-TYPE OR TWO — “FAY CE QUE VOULDRAS.” — THE DELIRIOUS CRITIC. [From the Sheridan, Wyo., Enterprise.] — SOMEWHERE IN THE MICHIGAN WOODS. — [p 45 ] BLAKE COMES BACK. — EVERYBODY CAME IN A FORD. [From the Milwaukee Sentinel.] — SHE SAT APART. — THE G. P. P. — BEG YOUR PARDON. — YES? — [p 51 ] THE MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT. — THE ENRAPTURED REPORTER. [From the White Salmon Enterprise.] — EVERYTHING CONSIDERED, THE COMMA IS THE MOST USEFUL MARK OF PUNCTUATION. [From the El Paso Journal.] — BETTER LATE THAN NEVER. [From the Walsh County, N. D., Record.] — THE ENRAPTURED REPORTER; OR, IT INDEED WAS. [From the St. Andrew’s Bay, Fla., News.] — CONTRETEMPS IN WYOMING SOCIETY. [From the Sheridan Post.] — MERCIFULLY SEPARATED. — ACADEMY NOTES. — TO MARY GARDEN—WITH A POSTSCRIPT. — Postscriptum. — ACADEMY JOTTINGS. — I SHOT AN ARROW INTO THE AIR, IT WENT RIGHT THROUGH MISS BURROUGHS’ HAIR. [From the Dallas Bulletin.] — AS JOYCE KILMER MIGHT HAVE SAID. [Kit Morley in the New York Evening Post.] “ The Chicago Tribune owns forests of pulp wood. ” —Full-page advt. — THE SECOND POST [A Swedish lady seeks congenial employment.] — A WISCONSIN PARABLE. [From the Fort Atkinson Union.] — HE SHOULD. — WHY THE EDITOR BEAT IT. [From the Marengo Republican-News.] — HERE IT IS AGAIN. [From the classified ads.] — AFTER READING HARVEY’S WEEKLY. — DOXOLOGY. — MY DEAR, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN FRED! [From the Milwaukee Sentinel.] — OFT IN THE STILLY WISCONSIN NIGHT.
6. 6.[p 67 ] The Delectable River. — I.—DOCTOR MAYHEW’S SHOP. — II.—THE RIVER. — III.—SMUDGE. — IV.—“BOGWAH.” — V.—FINE FEATHERS. — VI.—THALASSA!
7. 7.[p 79 ] A LINE-O’-TYPE OR TWO — ARMS AND THE COLYUM. — WE FEARED WE HAD STARTED SOMETHING. — THEY’RE OFF! — SWEETLY INEFFECTIVE. — BUT APROPOS. — SORRY. THERE WERE SEVERAL IN LINE AHEAD OF YOU. — THE SECOND POST. [Received by a clothing company.] — “THOSE FLAPJACKS OF BROWN’S.” ( Postscriptum. ) — THE DICTATERS. — THINGS WORTH KNOWING. — THE SECOND POST. [Received by a construction company.] — BALLADE OF THE OUBLIETTE. — SUCH A ONE MIGHT HAVE DRAWN PRIAM’S CURTAIN IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT, AND TOLD HIM HALF HIS TROY WAS BURNED. [From the Eagle Grove, Ia., Eagle.] — THE ENRAPTURED REPORTER. [From the Lewisville, Ark., Recorder.] — FULL OF HIS SUBJECT. [From the Evansville, Ind., Courier.] — THAT TRIOLET DRIVEL. — [p 96 ] ENGLISH AS SHE IS MURDERED. — BUT WOULD IT NOT REQUIRE A GEOLOGIC PERIOD? — THE STORM. ( By a girl of ten years. ) — THE EIGHTH VEIL. ( By J-mes Hun-k-r. ) — THE TRACERS ARE AT WORK. — A DAY WITH LORD DID-MORE. “ Mr. Hearst is the home brew; no other hope. ” — The Trib. — THE SECOND POST. [From a genius in Geneseo, Ill.] — BOLSHEVISM OF LONG AGO. — LULLABY. — “LEMME UP, DARLING! LEMME UP!” [From the Detroit Free Press.]
8. 8.[p 109 ] Alice in Cartoonland. — I. — II. — III. — IV. — V. — VI.
9. 9.[p 115 ] A LINE-O’-TYPE OR TWO — IT HAS BEEN DONE. — “ON SUCH A NIGHT …” [From the Bethany, Mo., Clipper.] — TEMPERATURE. — [p 118 ] LET US PERISH, RATHER, BY DEGREES. — [p 119 ] HYMN OF HATE. ( Reprinted at request of Mr. Hoover. ) — FOR WHICH MUCH THANKS. — THE SECOND POST. [An order for a picture.] — A FIG FOR CEREMONY! [From the East Peoria Post.] — [p 123 ] THE SECOND POST. [Received by the Chief of Police of Wichita, Kas.] — OPEN THE GATES! — MISTER TOBIN, EDUCATOR. — VARIANT OF THE VALVE-HANDLE WHEEZE. ( Received by a drug concern. ) — THE VALVE-HANDLE SNEEZE. — THE SANDS OF TIME. — THE TRUTH AT LAST! — THINK OF IT! — THE ENRAPTURED SOCIETY EDITOR. [From the Charlotte, Ky., Chronicle.] — THE MISCHIEVOUS MAKE-UP MAN. [From the Markesan, Wis., Herald.] — WHY THE MAKE-UP MAN LEFT TOWN. [From the Grinnell Review.] — COOL, INDEED! [From the Tuttle, N. D., Star.] — RHYMED DEVOTION. [Robert Louis Stevenson to his wife.] — A NEW FIRM IN FISH. [From the Kearney Neb., Democrat.] — WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE HE WANTS? [Received by Farm Mechanics.] — [p 137 ] POEMS OF SENTIMENT AND REFLECTION. Sioux Falls [From the Sioux Falls Press.] — [p 138 ] “USELESS VERBIAGE.” [From an abstract of title.] — INGENIOUS CALIFORNIA PARADOX. [From the Oakland Post.] — ALMOST.
10. 10.[p 139 ] The Witch’s Holiday. — A TALE FOR CHILDREN ONLY. — I. — II. — III. — IV. — V. — VI.
11. 11.[p 153 ] A LINE-O’-TYPE OR TWO — “THE FRIEND OF THE PEOPLE.” — IF YOU MUST KISS, KISS THE DOCTOR. [From “How to Avoid Influenza.”] — QUICK, WATSON, THE PLUMBER! [From the Cedar Rapids Gazette.] — GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY CLIMATE, AND FORGIVE US OUR DROPS IN TEMPERATURE! [From the Pasadena Star-News.] — VARIANT OF A MORE OR LESS WELL KNOWN STORY. [From the Exeter, Neb., News.] — THE WORLD’S GREATEST WINTER RESORT. — THE VILLAGE OMAR LOSES HIS OUTFIT. [From the Fort Dodge Messenger.] — [p 160 ] “TWEET! TWEET!” GOES THE ENRAPTURED REPORTER. [From the Sterling Gazette.] — [p 161 ] A SPLENDID RECOVERY. [Waukesha, Wis., item.] — HOW FAST THE LEAVES ARE FALLING! [From the Waterloo Courier.] — HOW SOON IT GETS DARK THESE DAYS! [From the Pillager, Minn., Herald.] — UPON JULIA’S ARCTICS. — A GOOD MOTTO. — WHY THE MAKE-UP FLED. [From the Dodge Center Record.] — MUSIC HATH CHAHMS. — BRAHMS, OPUS 116. — MUSIC HINT. — [p 168 ] THE HUNTING OF THE PACIFIST SNARK. ( With Mr. Ford as the Bellman. ) — SORRY WE MISSED YOU. — OUR BOYS. [From the Sheridan, Wyo., Enterprise.] — IN A DEPARTMENT STORE. — [p 174 ] THE SOIL OF KANSAS. [From the Kansas Farmer.] — THE GOOD OLD DAYS. — “WHAT THE LA HELLE!” [From the Kankakee Republican.]
12. 12.[p 177 ] The London Busman Story. — I.—As George Meredith might have related it. — II.—As Henry James might have written it. — III.—As finally elucidated by Arnold Bennett.
13. 13.[p 183 ] A LINE-O’-TYPE OR TWO — APRILLY. — [p 184 ] “SPRING HAS COME …” — BYRON WROTE MOST OF THIS. [From the Monticello Times.] — A CANNERY DANCE. [From the Iowa City Press.] — FOR THE LAST DAY OF MARCH. — CHANCES, 2; ERRORS, 2. — SMACK! SMACK! — MARCH. — LITERATURE. — SONG. [In the manner of Laura Blackburn.] — THE BELLS OF FROGNAL LANE. — LETTER IN ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF WEDDING PRESENT. — [p 195 ] SING A SONG OF SPRINGTIME. — A FEW MORE “BEST BAD LINES.” — SEIZE HIM, SCOUTS! — “THAT’S GOOD.” — WHY BANK CLERKS ARE TIRED. — [p 199 ] “NATION-WIDE.” — BETTER ENGLISH IN THE BEANERY. — HAPPY THOUGHT.
14. 14.[p 207 ] The Magic Kit. — A FAIRY TALE FOR SYMPATHETIC ELDERS. — I. — [p 209 ] II. — III. — IV.
15. 15.[p 215 ] A LINE-O’-TYPE OR TWO — TO B. L. T. (Quintus Horatius Flaccus loquitur.) — BRIGHT SAYINGS OF MOTHER. — [p 217 ] “THAT STRAIN AGAIN—IT HAD A DYING SNORT.” — MEMORY TESTS FOR THE HOME. — LEVI BEIN’ A GOOD SPORT. — LOST AND FOUND. [Song in the manner of Laura Blackburn.] — YEO-HEAVE-HO! — [p 229 ] JUST A REHEARSAL. [From the Elgin News.] — LAME IN BOTH REGISTERS? [From the Decatur Review.] — FLORAL POME. (Sign on Ashland Ave.: “Vlk the Florist.”) — THE SECOND POST. [Example of pep and tact.] — WHY THE DOG LEFT TOWN. [From the Newton, Ia., News, Dec. 2.] — THE PASSIONATE PURE FOOD EXPERT TO HIS LOVE. — [p 236 ] OH, DON’T YOU REMEMBER SWEET MARY, BEN BOLT? — INDIFFERENCE.
16. 16.[p 237 ] Mr. Dubbe’s Program Study Class. — (ACCOMPANYING THE SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA CONCERTS.) Reported by Miss Poeta Pants. — I.—THE NEAPOLITAN SIXTH. — II. — III. — IV. — V. — VI.
17. 17.[p 251 ] A LINE-O’-TYPE OR TWO — THE PASSING OF SUMMER. — WHYNOTT? [From the Boston Globe.] — IT MUST BE ABOUT TIME. — POETRY. (Lord Dunsany.) — A CHANGE FROM LATIN ROOTS. [From the Reedsburg, Wis., Free Press.] — OUR FAVORITE AUTUMN POEM. (By a New Jersey poetess.) — THE SECOND POST. [Received by a wholesale grocery house, from an Italian customer.] — DENTAL FLOSS. — JUST ABOUT. — [p 259 ] JAW JINGLES. — “NATURE NEVER DID DECEIVE …” — [p 260 ] NO. 68, COUNTING FROM LEFT TO RIGHT. [From the Goshen, Ind., Democrat.] — COMMERCIAL CANDOR. — [p 261 ] FAREWELL! (By Poeta.) — AN UNCOMMONLY HAPPY THOUGHT. (A. J. Balfour, Letter to Mary Gladstone, 1891.) — THE SECOND POST. [The editor of the Winneconne, Wis., Local to his flock.] — THE DAY OF “DON’TS.” — A BALANCED TUITION. — OPINION CONCURRED IN. — TRANSCENDENTAL CALM. — THIS REFERS, OF COURSE, TO FRANCE. [From Faguet’s “Cult of Incompetence.”] — [p 267 ] AN IOWA ROMANCE. [From the Clinton Herald.] — WE SHOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. [From the Idaho Falls Register.] — COME INTO THE GARDEN, MAUD. [From the Tavares, Fla., Herald.] — AND HOW CALM THE OCEAN IS! [Correspondence from Florida.] — [p 269 ] POEMS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED. Between the Barn and the Woodhouse. — THE PHILOSOPHY OF BALDNESS. — [p 271 ] A DEAD SHOT. [From the Mt. Carmel, Ill., Republican.] — IT WOULD PUT ’EM ON THE STAGE.
18. 18.[p 273 ] Vacation Travels.
19. 19.[p 283 ] A LINE-O’-TYPE OR TWO — COUNTRY LIFE IN AMERICA. — THERE WERE IMMORTALS BEFORE JET WIMP. — CONTRIBUTIONS THAT HAVE AMUSED US. — SHE PREFERRED HER PSYCHOPATHY STRAIGHT. — THE COME-BACK. — THANKS TO MISS MONROE’S MAGAZINE. — TRADE CLASSICS. — DENATURED LIMERICKS. — MY LOVE, DID YOU KNOW THERE WERE SO MANY KINDS OF MAIDS? [From the Derbyshire Advertiser.] — THE SECOND POST. [Result of a collection letter that drew a sum on account.] — YES, SOMETIMES WE THROW THE WHOLE MAIL AWAY WITHOUT LOOKING AT IT. [From the Madison State Journal.] — ALL RIGHT, DAISY. — THE SHY AND LOWLYS. — HE MIGHT TRIM THE VIOLETS. — [p 303 ] TRADE ADIEUS.
20. 20.[p 305 ] Adventures of Robinson Crusoe. — BEING A FEW HITHERTO UNPUBLISHED PAGES FROM HIS JOURNAL. — I. — II.
21. 21.[p 309 ] A LINE-O’-TYPE OR TWO — THE BROODING DOVE. — A STERN PEDAGOGUE. [From the Antelope, Montana, local.] — SHE NOT ONLY HAS A BOOK. SHE HAS TWO! — YES, YES. — YE STUFF. — [p 313 ] DATED. — YOU KNOW THE TUNE. — THE TREE TOADS. — [p 315 ] THE RIDER AND THE ADDER. — LIMERIK. — THE CHIGGER. — A VERSATILE CHAP. [From the Turton, S. D., Trumpet.] — ACT II., SCENE II. — [p 321 ] THE JANITOR ENTERTAINS. [Iowa City Item.] — VARIANT OF THE V. H. W. — CRUELLE ET INSOLITE. [Transfer slip, Peninsular Railway Co.] — [p 322 ] HIGH, LOW, JACK, AND THE GAME. — MORNING IN IOWA . — AN EVENING WITH SHAKESPEARE. — YOURS, ETC. — [p 325 ] HE OUGHT TO BE DEPORTED. — [p 326 ] NOTES OF THE ACADEMY OF IMMORTALS. — BUTCHER TO THE ACADEMY. — ACADEMY NOTES. — WE DON’T LIKE TO THINK OF IT! [From the Cambridge Review.] — THE SECOND POST. [Received by a mail order house.] — [p 329 ] THE SECOND POST. [Received by a Birmingham concern.] — CUPID CARRIES A CARD. — ANNOUNCEMENT! — Transcriber’s Note

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