Jack’s aunt slept long and dreamlessly again. That thrice-blessed sleep
which follows nights abroad in the metropolis.
When, toward four o’clock, Aunt Mary opened her eyes, she was at first
almost as hazy in her conceptions as she had found herself upon the previous
day.
“I feel as if the automobile was runnin’ up my back and over my
head,” she said, thoughtfully passing her hand along the machine’s
imaginary course. Then she rang her bell and Janice appeared from the room
beyond.
“I guess you’d better give me some of that that you gave me
yesterday,” the elderly lady suggested; “what do you think?”
“Yes, indeed,” said Janice—and went at once and brought it in
separate glasses on a tray, and mixed it by pouring, while Aunt Mary looked on
with an intuitive understanding that passed instinct and bordered on a complete
comprehension of things to her hitherto unknown.
“They’d ought to advertise that,” she said, as she set down
the empty glass a few seconds later. “There’d be a lot of folks
who’d be glad to know there was such a thing when they first wake up
mornin’s after—after—well, mornin’s after
anythin’. It’s jus’ what you want right off; it sort of runs
through your hair and makes you begin to remember.”
“Yes, ma’am,” said Janice, turning to put down the tray, and
then crossing the room to seek something on the chimney-piece.
Aunt Mary gave a sudden twist,—as if the drink had infused an
effervescing energy into her frame. “Well what am I goin’ to do
to-day?” she asked.
“Mr. Denham has written out your engagements here,” said Janice,
handing her a jeweler’s box as she spoke.
Aunt Mary tore off the tissue paper with trembling haste—lifted the
cover—and beheld a tiny ivory and gold memoranda card.
“Well, that boy!” she ejaculated.
“Shall I read the list aloud to you?” the maid inquired.
“Yes, read it.”
So Janice read the dates proposed the night before and Aunt Mary sat up in bed,
held her ear-trumpet, and beamed beatifically.
“I don’t believe I ever can do all that,” she said when
Janice paused; “I never was one to rush around pell-mell, but I’ve
always been a great believer in lettin’ other folks enjoy themselves
an’ I shall try not to interfere.”
Janice hung the tiny memoranda up beside its owner’s watch and stood at
attention for further orders.
“But I d’n know I’m sure what I can wear to-night,”
continued the one in bed; “you know my bonnet was run over
yesterday.”
“Was it?”
“Yes,—it was the most sudden thing I ever saw. I thought it was the
top of my head at first.”
“Was it spoiled?”
“Well, it wouldn’t do for me again and I don’t really believe
it would even do for Lucinda. We didn’t bring it home with us anyhow
an’ so its no use talkin’ of it any more. I’m sure I wish
I’d brought my other with me. It wasn’t quite as stylish, but it
set so good on my head. As it is I ain’t got any bonnet to wear an’
we’re goin’ in a box, Jack says,—I should hate to look wrong
in a box.”
“But ladies in boxes do not wear anything,” cried Janice
reasuringly.
Aunt Mary jumped.
“Not anything?”
“On their heads.”
“Oh!—Well, then the bonnet half of me’ll be all right, but
what shall I wear on the rest of me? I don’t want to look out of fashion,
you know. My, but I wish I’d brought my Paisley shawl. I’ve got a
Paisley shawl that’s a very rare pattern. There’s cocoanuts in the
border and a twisted design of monkeys and their tails done in the center.
An’ there ain’t a moth hole in it—not one.”
Janice looked out of the window.
“I’ve got a cameo pin, too,” continued Aunt Mary
reflectively. “My, but that’s a handsome pin, as I remember it.
It’s got Jupiter on it holdin’ a bunch of thunder and
lightnin’ an’ receivin’ the news of somebody’s
bein’ born—I used to know the whole story. But, you see, I expected
to just be sittin’ by Jack’s bed and I never thought to bring any
of those dress-up kind of things,” she sighed.
Janice returned to the bed side.
“Hadn’t you better begin to dress?” she howled suggestively.
“They are going to dine here before going to the theater and dinner is
ordered in an hour.”
“Maybe I had,” said Aunt Mary, “but—oh dear—I
don’t know what I will wear!” She began to emerge from the
bedclothes as she spoke.
“How would my green plaid waist do?” she asked earnestly.
“I think it would be lovely,” shrieked the maid.
“Well, shake it out then,” said Aunt Mary, “it ought to be in
the fashion—all the silk they put in the sleeves. An’ if
you’ll do my hair just as you did it yesterday—”
“Yes, I will.”
Then the labor of the toilette began in good earnest, and three-quarters of an
hour later Aunt Mary was done, and sitting by the window while Janice laced her
boots.
A rap sounded at the door.
“Come in,” cried the maid.
It was Jack with a regular fagot of American Beauties.
“Well, Aunt Mary,” he cried with his customary hearty greeting.
“How!”
“How what?” asked Aunt Mary, whose knowledge of Sioux social
customs had been limited by the border line of New England.
Jack laughed. “How are you?” he asked in correction of his
imperfect phrasing. And then he handed over the rose wood.
“I’m pretty well,” said his aunt; “but, my goodness you
mustn’t bring me so many presents—you—”
Jack stopped her words with a kiss. “Now, Aunt Mary, don’t you
scold, because you’re my company and I won’t have it. This is my
treat, and just don’t you fret. What do you say to your roses?”
Aunt Mary looked a bit uneasy.
“They’re pretty big,” she hesitated.
“That’s the fashion,” said Jack; “the longer you can
buy ’em the better the girls like it. I tried to get you some eight feet
long but they only had two of that number and I wanted the whole bunch to
match—”
He was interrupted by another rap on the door.
“Hallo!” he cried. “Come in.”
It was Mitchell with several dozen carnations, the most brilliant yet
prized—or priced.
“Well, I declare!” exclaimed Aunt Mary.
“For you, Miss Watkins,” cried the newcomer, gracefully offering
his homage, “with the assurance of my sincere regret that I came on the
scene too late to have been making a scene with you fifty years ago.”
“I didn’t quite catch that,” said Aunt Mary, rapturously. But
never mind,—Granite, get a tin basin or suthin’ for these
flowers.”
“Where’s Burnett?” Jack asked the
newcomer,—“isn’t he dressed? It’s getting late.”
“He’s all right,” said Mitchell; “he and Clover
are—here they are!”
The two came in together at that second. Clover’s mustache just showed
over the top of the largest bunch of violets ever constructed, and Burnett bore
with assiduous care a bouquet of orchids tied with a Roman sash.
Aunt Mary leaned back and shut her eyes. If it hadn’t been for her smile,
they might possibly have feared for her life.
But she was only momentarily stunned by surpassing ecstasy.
“You’d better put some water in the bath-tub, Granite,” she
said, recovering, “nothing else will be big enough.”
The four young men drew up chairs and rivalled her smiles with theirs.
“I d’n know how I ever can thank you,” said the old lady
warmly. “I’ve always had such a poor opinion o’ life in
cities, too!”
“Life in cities, my dear Miss Watkins,” screamed Mitchell,
“is always pictured as very black, but it’s only owing to the soft
coal—not to the people who burn it.”
Aunt Mary smiled again.
“I guess the bath-tub will be big enough to keep ’em fresh,”
she said simply, and Mitchell gave up and dried his forehead with his
handkerchief.
They dined at home upon this occasion and afterwards took two carriages for the
theater. Aunt Mary, Jack, Clover, the American Beauties and the violets went in
the first, and what remained of the party and the floral decorations followed
in the second.
“I mean to smoke,” said that part of the second load which
habitually answered to the name of Mitchell. “There is nothing so
soothing when you have thorns in your legs as a cigarette in your mouth.”
“Too—too;” laughed his companion. “Jimmy! but our aunt
is game, isn’t she?”
“To my order of thinking,” said Mitchell thoughtfully scratching a
match, “Aunt Mary has been hung up in cold storage just long enough to
have acquired the exactly proper gamey flavor. It cannot be denied that to
worn, worldly, jaded mortals like you and me, the sight of fresh, ever
bubbling, youthful enthusiasm like hers is as thrilling and trilling and
rilling as—as—as—” he paused to light his cigarette.
Aunt Mary and Her Escorts.
“Yes, you’d better stutter,” said Burnett. “I thought
you were running ahead of your proper signals.”
“It isn’t that,” said Mitchell, puffing gently. “It is
that I suddenly recollected that I was alone with you, and my brains tell me
that it is a waste of brains to use them in the sense of a plural noun with
you. The word in your company,—my dear boy—only comes to me as a
verb—as an active verb—and dear knows how often I have itched to
apply it forcibly.”
Then they drew up in front of the theater and saw Aunt Mary being unloaded just
beyond.
“Great Scott, I feel as if I was a part of a poster!” said Burnett,
diving into the carriage depths for the last lot of flowers.
“I feel as if I were a part of the Revelation,” said Mitchell,
“I mean—the Revel-eration.”
They rapidly formed on somewhat after the plan of the famous “Marriage
under the Directoire.” Aunt Mary commanded the center-rush, leaning on
Jack’s arm, and the rest acted as half-backs, left wings, or
flower-bearers, just as the reader prefers.
They made quite a sensation as they proceeded to their box and more yet when
they entered it. They were late—very late—as is the privilege of
all box parties and their seating problem absorbed the audience to a degree
never seen before or since.
Jack put Aunt Mary and her green plaid waist in the middle and flanked her with
purple violets and red carnations. The ear-trumpet was laid upon the orchids
just where she could reach it easily. Then her escorts took positions as a sort
of half-moon guard behind and each held two or three American Beauties straight
up and down as if they were the insignia of his rank and office.
The effect was gorgeous. The very actors saw and were interested at once. They
directed all their attention to that one box, and at the end of the act the
stage manager got the writer of the topical song on the wire and had a brand
new and very apropos verse added which brought down the house.
Jack and his party caught on and clapped like mad, Aunt Mary beat the front of
the box with her ear-trumpet, and when Clover suggested that she throw some
flowers to the heroine she threw the orchids and came near maiming the bass
viol for life. Burnett rushed out between acts and bought her a cane to pound
with, Jack rushed out between more acts and bought her a pair of opera glasses,
Mitchell rushed out between still further acts and procured her one of those
Japanese fans which they use for fire-screens, and agitated it around her
during the rest of the evening.
“Time of your life, Aunt Mary,” Jack vociferated under the cover of
a general chorus; “Time of your life!”
“Oh, my,” said Aunt Mary, heaving a great sigh, “seems if
I’d die when I think of Lucinda.”
They got out of the theater somewhat after eleven and Clover took them all to a
French café for supper, so that again it was pretty well along into the day
after when Janice regained her charge.
“Granite,” said Aunt Mary very solemnly, as she collapsed upon her
bed twenty minutes later yet, “put it down on that memoranda for me never
to find no fault with nothing ever again. Never—not ever—not never
again.”
The second day after was that which had been set for Mitchell’s yachting
party. They allowed a day to lapse between because a yachting party has to
begin early enough so that you can see to get on board. Mitchell wanted his to
begin early enough so that they could see the yacht too.
“A yacht, Miss Watkins,” he said into the ear trumpet, “is a
delight that it takes daylight to delight in. If my words sound somewhat mixed,
believe me, it is the effect of what is to come casting its shadow before. I
speak with understanding and sympathy—you will know all later.”
Aunt Mary smiled sweetly. Sometimes she thought that Mitchell was the nicest of
the three—times when she wasn’t talking to Clover or Burnett.
Jack took his aunt out to drive on the afternoon of the intervening day and
bought her a blue suit with a red tape around one arm, and some rubbersoled
shoes, and a yachting cap and a mackintosh. There was something touching in
Aunt Mary’s joyful confidence and anticipation—she having never
been cast loose from shore in all her life.
“When do you s’pose we’ll get home?” she asked Jack.
“Oh, some time toward night,” he replied.
She smiled with a trust as colossal as Trusts usually are.
“I’m sure I shall have a good time,” she said. “I
always liked to see pictures of waves.”
“You’ll see the real things now, Aunt Mary,” cried her nephew
heartily. He was not a bit malicious, possessing a stomach whose equilibrium
could not conceive any other anatomical condition.
Janice, however, had doubts, and on the morning of the next day her doubts
deepened. She looked from the window and shook her head.
“Feel a fly?” inquired Aunt Mary.
“No, I see some clouds,” yelled her maid.
“I didn’t ask you to speak loud,” said the old lady. “I
always hear what you say. Always.”
Janice went out of the room and voiced her views of the weather to the
proprietors of the expedition. The proprietors were having an uproarious
breakfast on ham and eggs—all but Mitchell, who sat somewhat aloof and
contented himself with an old and reliable breakfast food long known to his
race.
“Are you really going to take her up the Sound to-day?” the maid
demanded of the merry mob.
“I’m not,” said Burnett; “it’s the yacht
that’s going to take her. Pass the syrup, Jack, like the jack you
are.”
“Doesn’t she feel well?” Jack asked, passing the syrup as
requested. “If she doesn’t feel well, of course, we won’t
go.”
“I like that,” said Mitchell, “when it’s my day for my
party and my cook all provisioned with provisions for provisioning us all. How
long do you suppose ice cream stays together in this month of roses,
anyhow?”
“She is very well,” said the maid quietly, “but it’s
blowing pretty fresh here in the city and I thought that out on the
Sound—”
“Blowing fresh, is it?” laughed Burnett; “well, it’ll
salt her fast enough when we get out. Don’t you fuss over what’s
none of your business, my dear girl; just trot along upstairs and dress dolly,
and when she’s dressed we’ll take her off your hands.”
Jack appeared unduly quiet.
“Do you think it is going to storm?” he asked Mitchell. Mitchell
was scraping his saucer with the thrift that thrives north of the Firth of
Forth and hatches yachts on the west shores of the Atlantic.
“I don’t think at all during vacation,” he said mildly.
“I repose and reap ‘Oh’s’—from other
people.”
“If there was any chance of a storm——?” said the
nephew, thoughtfully.
“Fiddle-dee-dee,” said Burnett impatiently, “what do you
think yachts are for, anyhow? To let alone?” He looked at the maid as he
spoke and pointed significantly to the door. She went out at once and returned
upstairs to her mistress whom she found quite restless to
“get-a-goin’” as she expressed it.
The boxes filled with yesterday’s purchases were brought out at once and
Janice proceeded to rubber-sole and blue-serge Aunt Mary. The latter regarded
every step of the performance in the huge three-fold cheval glass which had
been wont to tell Mrs. Rosscott things that every woman longs to know.
When her toilette was complete it must be admitted that as a yachtswoman Aunt
Mary fairly outshone her automobile portrait. She surveyed herself long and
carefully.
“I expect it’ll be quite an experience,” she said with many
new wrinkles of anticipation.
“Yes,” said Janice, with a glance at the fluttering window
curtains, “I expect it will be.”
Aunt Mary went downstairs and was greeted with loud acclamations. The breakfast
party broke up at once and, while Janice phoned for cabs, Aunt Mary’s
quartette of escorts sought hats, coats, etcetera. After that they all sallied
forth and took their places as joyfully as ever.
It was quite a long drive to where “Lady Belle” had been brought
up, and they had to stop once to lay in two or three pounds of current
literature.
“Do you read mostly?” asked Aunt Mary.
“It’s best to be on the safe side,” said Clover vaguely.
Then they entered the tangle of docks and express wagons and obstacles in
general and Mitchell had great difficulty in finding where his launch had been
taken to meet them.
But at last they got Aunt Mary down a flight of very slippery steps and into a
boat whose everything was labeled “Lady Belle,” and Mitchell said
something and they cast loose and were off.
“Seems rather a small yacht,” said Aunt Mary, glancing cheerfully
about. “I ain’t surprised that you’d rather come in
nights.”
“Bless your heart, Aunt Mary,” shrieked Jack, “this
isn’t the yacht, this is the way we get to her.”
“Oh,” said Aunt Mary blankly.
“That’s the yacht,” yelled Burnett, “that white one
with the black smoke coming out and the sail up.”
“What are they getting up steam for?” asked Clover. “The time
to get up steam is when you get down sails generally.”
“They aren’t getting up steam,” said Mitchell,
“they’re getting up dinner. It looks like a lot of smoke because of
the shadow on the sail. And, speaking of getting up dinner, reminds me that the
topic before us now is, how in thunder are we to get up Aunt Mary?”
“Put a rope around her and board her as if she was a cavalry
horse,” suggested Burnett.
“I scorn the suggestion,” said their host; “if the worst
comes to the worst I can give her a back up, but I trust that Aunt Mary will
rise to the heights of the sail and the situation all at once and not make me
do any vertebratical stunts so early in the day.”
They were running alongside of “Lady Belle” as he spoke, and the
first thing Aunt Mary knew she and her party were attached to the former by
some mysterious and not altogether solid connection.
“What do we do now?” she asked uneasily.
“I’ll show you,” laughed Burnett, and seizing two flapping
ropes he went skipping up a sort of stepladder and sprang upon the deck above.
Aunt Mary started to emulate his prowess and stood up at once. But the next
second she sat down extremely hard without knowing why she had done so.
“Hold on, Miss Watkins,” Mitchell cried hastily; “just you
hold on until I give you something to hold on to, and when you’ve got
something to hold on to, please keep holding on to it, until I tell you that
the hour has come in which to let go again.”
“I didn’t quite catch that,” said Aunt Mary, “but
I’m ready to do anythin’ you say if you only—” and
again she sprang up and again was thrown down as hard as before.
“Look out,” cried Jack, springing to her side; and he got hold of
his valuable relative and held her fast while Mitchell grasped the ladder and a
sailor strove to keep the launch still.
“Now, Aunt Mary,” cried the nephew, “hang on to me and hang
on to those ropes and remember I’m right back of you—”
“My Lord alive,” cried Aunt Mary, turning her gaze upwards,
“am I expected to go alone all that way to the top?”
“It’ll pay you to keep on to the top,” screamed Clover;
“you’ll have, comparatively speaking, very little fun if you hang
on to the ladder all day—and you’ll get so wet too.”
“There’s more room at the top,” cried Mitchell,
“there’s always room at the top, Miss Watkins. Put yourself in the
place of any young man entering a profession and struggle bravely upwards,
bearing ever in—”
“Oh, I never can,” said Aunt Mary, recoiling abruptly; “I
never could climb trees when I was little—I never had no grip in my
legs—and I just know I can’t. It’s too high. An’ it
looks slippery. An’ I don’t want to, anyhow.”
“What rot!” yelled Jack, “the very idea! Why, Aunt Mary, you
know you can skin up there just like a cat if you only make up your mind to it.
Here, Mitchell, give her a boost and I’ll plant her feet firmly.
Now—have you got hold of the ropes, Aunt Mary?”
“Oh, mercy—on—me!” wailed Aunt Mary, “the yacht
is turnin’ a-round an’ the harder I pull the faster it
turns.”
“Catch her from above, Burr,” Clover called excitedly; “hook
her with anything if you can’t reach her with your hand.”
“Oh, my cap!” shrieked poor Aunt Mary, and the cap went off and she
went on up and was landed safe above.
“How on the chart do you suppose we’ll ever unload her?” Jack
asked, wide-eyed, as he swung himself quickly after her.
“What man hath done man can do,” quoted Mitchell sententiously,
following his lead.
“But no man ever unloaded Aunt Mary,” Clover reminded him, as they
brought up the rear.
Then they were all on deck, a chair was brought for the honored guest, and
Mitchell introduced his sailing-master who had been drawn to gaze upon the
rather novel manner in which she had been brought aboard.
“I want Miss Watkins to have the sail of her life, Renfew,” said
Mitchell. “We aren’t coming back until night.”
“We’ll have sail enough sure, sir,” said Renfew, touching his
cap, and then he walked away and the work of starting off began. A tug had been
engaged to tow them out into the breeze and Jack thought it would be nice to
show Aunt Mary around while they were being meandered through coal barges, etc.
They went below and Aunt Mary saw everything with a most flattering interest.
“I d’n know but what I’d enjoy a little yacht of my
own,” she said to Mitchell. “I think it’s so amusin’
the way everythin’ turns over into suthin’ else. I suppose Joshua
could learn to sail me—I wouldn’t want to trust no new man, I
know.”
“Why, of course,” said Jack, “and we could all come and visit
you, Aunt Mary.”
Aunt Mary smiled hospitably.
“I’d be glad to see you all any day,” she said cordially;
“and I shall have a hole in the bottom of the boat for people to go in
and out of, and a nice staircase down to it, so you needn’t mind the
notion of how you’ll get on and off.”
They all laughed and continued the tour below and Aunt Mary grew more and more
enthusiastic for quite a while. She liked the kitchen and she liked the
dining-room. She thought the arrangement for keeping the table level most
ingenious. Mitchell took her into the main cabin and told her that that was
hers for the day. On the dresser was a photograph of the “Lady
Belle” framed in silver, which the young host presented to his guest as a
souvenir of the “voyage.”
Aunt Mary’s pleasure was at its height. Oh, the pity of Fate which makes
the apex of everything so very limited as to standing room! Three minutes after
the presentation and acceptation of the photograph Aunt Mary’s glance
became suddenly vague, and then especially piercing.
“What makes this up and down feeling?” she asked Mitchell.
“What up and down feeling?” he asked, secure in the good conscience
and pure living of an oatmeal breakfast. “I don’t feel up and
down.”
“I do,” said Aunt Mary abruptly; “I want to be somewhere
else.”
“You want to be on deck,” said Burnett, suddenly emerging from
somewhere; “I know the symptoms. I always have ’em. Come on. And
when we get up there, I’ll collar Jack for urging those six last griddle
cakes on me this morning.”
“I ain’t sure I want to be on deck,” said Aunt Mary;
“dear me—I feel as if I wasn’t sure of anythin’.”
“What did I tell you?” said Burnett to Mitchell; “it’s
blowing fresh and neither she nor I ought to have come. You know me when it
blows.”
“Shut up,” said Mitchell, hurrying Aunt Mary up the companion-way
and shoving her into one chair and her feet into another; “there, Miss
Watkins, you’re all right now, aren’t you?”
“What’s the matter?” said Jack, coming from somewhere aloft
or astern. “Heaven bless me, what ails you, Aunt Mary?”
“I don’t wonder I’m pale,” said Aunt Mary faintly,
“oh—oh—”
“We must put our heads together,” said Burnett, taking a drink from
a flask that he took out of his pocket; “I must soon put my head on
something, and your aunt looks to me to feel the same way. Mitchell, why did
you let me forget that vow I made last time to never come again?”
“Your vows to never do things again are about as stable as your present
hold on an upright position,” said Clover, laying a steadying hand upon
his friend’s waveringness. “Sit down, little boy, sit down.”
Burnett sat down, Mitchell smiled, Jack laughed, and Aunt Mary groaned.
The boat was rising and falling rapidly now, and as she ran further and further
out into the ever freshening wind she kept on rising and falling yet more
rapidly. The more motion there was the more Aunt Mary seemed to sift down in
her two chairs.
“We’d better put back,” said Jack; “this won’t
do, you know. How do you feel now, Aunt Mary?” he added, leaning over
her.
Aunt Mary opened her eyes and looked at him but made no reply.
“Ask me how I feel, if you dare,” said Burnett, from where his
chair was drawn up not far away. “I couldn’t kill you just now, but
I will some day I promise you.”
He was very white and had a look about his mouth that showed that he meant what
he said.
Some bells rang somewhere.
“That’s dinner,” exclaimed Clover.
Aunt Mary gave a piercing cry.
“Oh, take me somewhere else,” she said, throwing her hands up to
her face; “somewhere where there’ll never be nothin’ to eat
again. I—I can’t bear to hear about eatin’.”
“I’m going to take her down into one of the cabins,” said
Jack hastily, “she belongs in bed.”
“No, turn back the carpet and lay me in the bath-tub,” almost
sobbed the poor victim. “I don’t feel like I could get flat enough
anywhere else.”
“She has the proper spirit,” said Burnett faintly, “only I
don’t feel as if I could get flat enough anywhere at all. What in the
name of the Great Pyramid ever possessed me to come?”
Mitchell rose quickly to his feet.
“You put your aunt to bed, Jack,” he said, “and I’ll
put my yacht to backing. This expedition is expeditiously heading on to what
might be termed a failure. I can see that, even if we’re only in a
Sound.”
“When do you suppose we’ll get back?” the nephew asked
anxiously.
“About four o’clock, if we don’t lose time by having to
tack.”
“I didn’t quite catch all that,” said Aunt Mary, “but I
knew suthin’ was loose all along. I felt it inside of me right off at
first. And ever since, too.”
Jack gathered her up in his arms and bore her tenderly away to the beautiful
main cabin.
“I wanted to live to change my will,” she said sadly, as he laid
her down, “but somehow I don’t seem to care for nothin’ no
more.”
He kissed her hand.
“They say being seasick is awfully good for people, Aunt Mary,” he
yelled contritely.
Aunt Mary opened her eyes.
“John Watkins, Jr., Denham,” she said, “if you say
‘food’ to me again ever, I’ll never leave you a
penny—so there!”
Jack went away and left her.
“Come on to dinner, Burnett,” Clover called hilariously,
“there’s liver with little bits of bacon—your favorite
dish.”
Burnett snarled the weakest kind of a snarl.
“I thought I’d suffered enough for one year last month,” he
murmured in a voice too low to be heard, and then he knew himself to be alone
on deck.
Down in the little dining-saloon the dishes were hopping merrily back and forth
and an agreeable odor of agreeable viands filled the air. Clover and Jack sat
down opposite their host and they all three ate and drank with a zest that knew
no breaking waves nor sad effects.
“Here’s to our aunt,” said Clover gayly, as the first course
went around; “of course, we all love her for Jack’s sake, but at
the same time I offer two to odds that it is a pleasure to converse in under
tones occasionally. Who takes?”
“Aunt Mary being laid upon her bed,” said Mitchell, “we will
next proceed to lay the motion of our honorable friend upon the table. We
regret Aunt Mary’s ill-health while we drink to her good—quotation
marks under the latter word. Aunt Mary!—and may she arise and prosper all
the way down into the launch again.”
“I’m troubled about her, really,” said Jack soberly;
“we ought to have brought someone to look out for her.”
“The maid,” cried Mitchell, “the dainty, adorable maid!
Here’s to Janice and—” his speech was brought to a sudden end
by his two guests nearly disappearing under the table.
Jack started up.
“Ginger! Did you feel that?” he asked.
“That’s nothing,” said Mitchell, calmly replacing the
water-carafe which in the excitement of the moment he had clasped to his bosom;
“it’s the waves which are rising to the occasion—that’s
all.” But Jack had hurried out.
He found poor Aunt Mary writhing in an agony of misery.
“Oh—oh—” she cried, “I want to be
still—I’m too much tipped—and all the wrong way! I want to
lay smooth—and I stand on my head—all the—”
“We’re going back,” said Jack, striving to soothe her;
“lie still, Aunt Mary, and we’ll soon get there. Do you want some
camphor to smell?”
“I don’t feel up to smellin’,” wailed Aunt Mary,
“I don’t feel up to anythin’. Go ’way. Right
off.”
Jack went on deck. He found Burnett stretched pale and green upon the chairs
their lady guest had vacated.
“If you speak to me again,” he said, in halting accents,
“I’ll never speak to you again. Get out.”
Jack went back to his place at dinner.
“How are they?” asked Clover.
“I don’t know,” he said quietly, “but there’s a
big storm coming up. The sky’s all dark blue and it looks bad.”
“I don’t care,” said Mitchell, sawing into the game with
vigor; “if we go down we go down with Aunt Mary and if I were Uncle Mary
I wouldn’t feel happier and safer as to all concerned. The ship that bore
Cæsar and his fortune had nothing at all to bear compared to this which bears
Jack and his. Here’s to Jack and his fortune, and may we all survive the
dark blue sky.”
“I tell you it’s serious,” said Jack. As he spoke another
ominous heaving set the bottles tipping and nearly sent Clover backwards.
“And I’m serious,” exclaimed Mitchell. “I’m
always serious only I never can get any girl to believe it. Here’s to me,
and may I grow more and more serious each—”
A tremendous wave bore the yacht upright and then let her fall on her forelegs
again. Clover went over backwards and the dish of peas to which he had just
been helping himself followed after.
“You didn’t say ‘excuse me’ when you left the
table,” said Mitchell, whom the law of gravitation had suddenly raised to
a pinnacle from which he viewed his friends with mirthful scorn; “and if
you’ve hurt yourself it must be a judgment on you for leaving the table
without saying ‘excuse me.’ Here’s to Clover, who has a
judgment and a dish of peas served on him at the same time for leaving the
table without saying ‘excuse me.’”
The sailing-master appeared at the door, his cap in his hand.
“I beg your pardon, sir,” he said respectfully, “but I fear
it’s impossible to put back. We can’t turn without getting into the
trough of the sea.”
“All right, go ahead then,” said Mitchell; “go where we must
go, and do what you’ve got to do. My motto is veni, vidi, vici, which
freely translated means I can sleep asea when I can’t sleep
ashore.”
“But Aunt Mary?” cried Jack blankly.
“She’s all right,” said Mitchell; “she’ll soon
reach the cold burnt toast stage and when she reaches the stage we’ll all
welcome her into any chorus. Here’s to choruses in general and one chorus
girl in particular. I haven’t met her yet, but I shall know her when I
do, for she will look at me. Up to now they’ve all looked elsewhere and
at other men. If my fortune was only in my face it might draw some interest,
but—”
“Lady Belle” careened violently and Clover went over backwards for
the second time with much in his wake.
“Oh, I say,” said Mitchell, rising in disgust, “if you want
everything on the table at once why take it. Only I’m going on deck.
After you’ve bathed in the gravy you can have it. Ditto the other
liquids. Jack and I are going up to dance a hornpipe and sing for Burnett. He
looked rather ennuyéd to me when we came down.”
Along toward eight o’clock that night “Lady Belle” anchored
somewhere in the Sound and tugged vigorously at her cables all night.
With the dawn she headed back towards New York.
“As a success my entertainment has been a failure,” said Mitchell
to Jack as they walked up and down the deck after breakfast; “but into
each life some rain must fall, and I offer myself as a sacrificial background
to Aunt Mary’s glowing, living pictures of New York.”
“I wish you hadn’t, though,” said Jack; “she’ll
never want a yacht of her own now. And how under Scorpion are we ever going to
land her?”
“In a sheet, my able-bodied young friend, in a sheet,” said
Mitchell clapping him on the back. “Don’t you know the ‘Weigh
the Baby’ game? It may double her up a bit, but the redoubtable Janice
will straighten her out again. Here’s to the sheet, be it a wet sheet, a
main sheet, or a sheet with your Aunt Mary tied up in it.”
Mitchell was as good as his word and they landed Aunt Mary in a sheet. The very
harbor-tugs stopped puffing and stood open-mouthed to stare at the performance,
but it was an unalloyed success, and Aunt Mary was gotten onto dry land at
last.
“I don’t want to do nothin’ for a day or two,” she
said, as they drove to the house.
Janice had the bed open, and a hot-water bottle down where Aunt Mary’s
feet might be expected, and all sorts of comfort ready to hand.
“I’m so glad to see you safe back,” she said, almost weeping.
“I don’t believe it’s broke,” said Aunt Mary,
“but you might look and see. Oh, Granite—I—” she
stopped and looked an unutterable meaning.
“It stormed, didn’t it?” said the maid.
“Stormed!” said Aunt Mary. “I guess it did storm. I guess it
hurricaned. I know it did. I’m sure of it.”
“But you’re safe now,” said the girl, tucking her up as
snugly as if she had been an infant in arms.
“Yes, I’m safe now,” said Aunt Mary, “but—”
she looked very earnest—“but, oh, my Granite, how I did need that
white fuzzy stuff to drink this morning. I never wanted nothin’ so bad in
all my life afore.”
Janice stood by the bed, her face full of regret that Aunt Mary had known any
aching void.
Aunt Mary grew yet more earnest.
“Granite,” she said, “you mind what I tell you. That ought to
be advertised. I sh’d think you could patent it. Folks ought to know
about it.”
Then she laid herself out in bed. “My heavens alive!” she sighed
sweetly, “there’s nothin’ like home. Not anywhere—not
nowhere!”