I now come to what must always be the great moral crux in a
boy's life, that on which all the higher issues of his
character will, in all human probability, turn—his school
life. One of our great educators took what, looked at
superficially, seemed the somewhat retrograde step of giving up
the mastership of a college at Oxford to take again the
head-mastership of a great public school. But in a conversation
I had with him he led me to infer that he had done so from the
conviction forced upon him that the whole moral trend of the
character must be given, if given at all, prior to university
life, at the public school; and to him nothing less than the
formation of high moral character seemed worth striving for.
Fine scholarship and high mathematics are excellent, but after
all, as the apostle of culture, Matthew Arnold, has told us,
conduct, and not intellectual attainment, forms seven-tenths of
life.
Now, it is in connection with your boy's school life that
you will have your greatest dangers to face, your hardest
battle to fight.
I am, of course, aware that your school system is in
some respects different from ours. You have
the mixed day school such as largely obtains in Scotland,
but which does not exist, at least for the upper classes, in
England. You have private boarding-schools, which with us
are called preparatory schools, as they form the vestibule
to the public school. And you have, lastly, a few large
public schools somewhat on the model of Eton and Harrow.
Let us begin with the boarding-school. I do not intend for
one moment to deny the advantages of our great English public
schools. They are excellent for discipline and the formation of
strong character, especially for a ruling race like ours; and
their very numerical strength and importance command a splendid
set of men as masters. But both public and private
boarding-schools labor under one great disadvantage: they
remove a boy from all family influence and violate the order of
our life, which can never be violated with impunity. Boys and
girls are sent into the world in pretty equal proportions, and
we were never intended to pile a lot of boys together without
girls and largely without any feminine influence whatever. To
do so is to insure moral disorder whether in our schools or
yours. To quote from an excellent paper of Dr. Butler's: "In
giving us sisters," says one of the Hares in Guesses at
Truth, "God gave us the best moral antiseptic," and it is
their absence more than anything else that has produced the
moral problems which our boarding-schools present. To be absent from
sisters for the greater part of the year, at an age when
their companionship is perhaps the most eloquent of silent
appeals to purity, is undoubtedly one of the greatest evils
to be set against the blessings of our public
schools.[11]
For my own part, I can only say that the one thing which has
filled me at times with the darkness of despair has not been
the facts about our back streets, not those facts to meet which
we hold conferences and establish penitentiaries, refuges,
preventive homes, etc.—I am full of hopefulness about
them—but the facts about our public, and still more about
our private, schools, which until lately have been met with
dead silence and masterly inactivity on the part of English
parents. On the part of mothers I feel sure it is ignorance,
not indifference: if they knew what I know, it simply could not
be the latter. Even now, when some, at least, of their
ignorance has been dispelled, I doubt whether they realize the
depth of moral corruption which is to be found in our public
and private schools; the existence of heathen vices which by
the law of our land are treated as felony, and which we would
fain hope, after nineteen centuries of Christianity, might now
be relegated to the first chapter of Romans. They do not
realize the presence of other and commoner forms of impurity,
the self-defilement which taints the moral nature and stimulates the lower nature into
unhealthy and abnormal activity. They do not understand the
essentially sporadic nature of the evil—that it may
exist "as a pestilence that walketh in darkness" in one
boarding-school, while another, owing to the influence of a
good set of boys, is comparatively free from it; and they
will, therefore, take a single denial of its existence,
possibly from their own husbands, as conclusive. Even the
affirmations of head-masters are not altogether to be
trusted here, as mothers cannot betray the confidence of
their own boys, and often fail in gaining their consent to
let the head-master know what is going on, in the boy's
natural dread of being found out as the source of the
information and, according to the ruling code, cut, as
having "peached." Once I obtained leave to expose an
indescribable state of things which was going on in broad
daylight in an unsupervised room at one of our great public
schools, utterly unsuspected by the head-master, and his
subordinate, the house-master. But another case which for
long made my life a kind of waking nightmare remained
unexposed to the last.
Speaking of those commoner forms of impurity to which I have
referred, and which are so mischievous as stimulating immature
functions, needing, as Acton over and over again insists,
absolute quiet and rest for healthy development, Dr. Dukes, the
head physician of one of our best known public schools, states:
"The reason why it is so widespread an
evil"—computed in 1886 at eighty per cent. of boys at
school, a computation accepted by a committee of public
schoolmasters—"I believe to be, that the boy leaves
home in the first instance without one word of warning from
his parents that he will meet with bad boys who will tell
him that everybody does it, and thus he falls into evil ways
from his innocence and ignorance
alone."[12]
Dr. Dukes further states that as the results of his thirty
years' experience he had come to the conclusion that only one
per cent. of parents ever warned their boys at all before
sending them to school.
These statements were made some fifteen years ago, when
first the conspiracy of silence was broken through and the
question of the morality of our public and private schools was
dragged into the light of day and boldly faced and grappled
with, largely owing to the action of Dr. Pusey. Since then a
mass of strenuous effort has been directed against the evil by
our high-minded head-masters; and an immense improvement has
been effected. It is too short a time for one to hope that the
evil has been eradicated; but when parents learn to fulfil
their moral duties of teaching and warning their own
boys—as Dr. Dukes observes—I feel sure it could be
so far removed as to cause the numbers to change places, so that we might obtain a
percentage of ninety to ninety-five of those who lead pure
lives while at school, as against five per cent, who are
impure, reversing the lamentable ratio that now exists. But
here again there has been progress, and I feel sure that the
percentage of parents who do warn and teach their sons
before sending them to school is now incomparably higher
than Dr. Dukes's "one per cent." and is steadily rising.
As to other deeper and nameless evils, they have been
already reduced to a minimum, and if fathers could only be
persuaded to do their duty by their own boys, they might be
made wholly to disappear.
I give you these facts about our English schools, that
parents may see for themselves what are the consequences of
refusing both teaching and warning to their boys, under the
delusion that God's lilies will grow up in the weedy garden of
the human heart without strenuous culture and training.
Do not, therefore, I beseech you, take for granted that your
boarding-schools are entirely free from such evils. You have
the same conditions that we have. Till lately your boys have
been as untaught and unwarned as ours. In your
boarding-schools, as in ours, they are removed from the
purifying influence of mother and sisters. They are just at the
age which has neither the delicacy of childhood nor of early
manhood. Rest assured that conditions will breed like
results.
"My belief, not lightly formed," says Dr.
Butler,[13] "is, that none of the great
schools can congratulate themselves on anything like
safety from this danger. And if this is true of the
great public schools, it is still more true of private
schools, where the evil is admittedly greater. Boys and
masters alike may strangely deceive themselves; the evil
may hide very close. Many a boy has been known to assert
positively and honestly that nothing of the kind was
ever heard of in his time, and that any fellow suspected
of it would have been cut, and half killed, when all the
time the evil was actively at work even among the circle
of his intimate friends."
And yet it is this evil, so pervasive in its influence, so
certain to taint the fresh springs of young life with impure
knowledge, if not to foul them with unclean acts, that parents
still too often elect to ignore. The boy, full of eager
curiosity, anxious, above all things, to catch up the ways of
the other fellows, afraid, above all things, of being laughed
at for his innocence, and elated at being taken up by one of
the swells in the shape of an elder boy, and at first set-off
wholly ignorant of the motive; exposed to suggestions about the
functions of his own body which he has not the knowledge to
rebut as the devil's lies—what wonder is it that so many
boys, originally good and pure, fall victims? "They blunder
like blind puppies into sin," a medical man who has had much to
do with boys' schools exclaimed to me in the bitterness of his
soul. The small house of the young boy's soul, full of the song
of birds, the fresh babble of the voices of sisters, all the
innocent sights and sounds of an English or American home,
swept and garnished till now by such loving hands, but left
empty, unguarded, and unwatched, for the unclean spirit to
lift the latch and enter in and take possession—the
pity of it! oh, the pity of it! What can the boy think? To
quote Dr. Dukes again:
"He will say to himself: 'My father knows of all this
vice at schools, and yet has not said one word to me about
it. He has warned me about most things. He told me to be
truthful, to keep my temper, to be upright and manly, to
say my prayers; he pressed me never to get into debt, never
to drink, and never to use bad language; and he told me I
ought to change my boots and clothes when wet, so as not to
get ill; and yet he has not said one syllable about this.
My father is a good man and loves me, and if he wanted me
not to do this he would surely have told me; it can't be
very wrong, else I am sure he would have protected me and
told me all about it."
I remember a friend of mine, who had been greatly stirred on
the whole subject, endeavoring, with tears in her eyes, to
persuade a father to warn his boy before sending him to his
first public school, and on his absolutely refusing to do any
such thing, she said to him, "At least promise me that you will
give him this book," placing in his hands Mr. George Everett's
excellent little book, Your Innings. This he consented
to do. The next morning my friend met him at breakfast, the boy
having been already despatched by an early train. "Well," he
said, "I sat up till past twelve last night reading your book;
it is excellent, and I gave it to my lad before starting him
off. But there is just one chapter in it, called a
'Strange Companion,' which I took the precaution of
previously cutting out with my penknife; and my boy in his
after years will thank me for not putting any such ideas in
his head, but having kept him the pure and innocent lad that
he is." I need not say that it was the one chapter that
would have put the boy on his guard. Oh, befooled and
purblind father! I happened to know that the school to which
the boy was sent was swept at that time by a moral epidemic,
and before that hapless lad had been a week in its corrupt
atmosphere he would have had ideas put into his head with a
vengeance. His father had handed over the ground of his
boy's heart for the devil to sow the first crop, and as a
rule the devil sows, not wild oats, as we say, but
acorns—a dread sowing which it may take years to root
up and to extirpate, even if, so far as after-taint is
concerned, it can ever be wholly extirpated.
In another case a widowed mother came to one of my meetings,
and was profoundly alarmed at what I said about the dangers of
our schoolboys. It had never occurred to her that her
gentlemanly little lad of twelve could have any temptations of
the kind. Unlike the father I have mentioned, she resolved to
speak to him that same evening. She found that he was fighting
a battle against the whole school, standing up alone for the
right, guided by some blind instinct of purity to resist the
foul suggestions which were inflicted upon him, threatening him with the most terrible
consequences in after-life if he did not yield and do as the
other boys did. Think of it, ye mothers! a child of twelve
without a hand to guide him, without a voice to cheer him,
refused the knowledge that would have saved him from his
deadly peril, his own mother deaf and dumb and blind to his
struggles, leaving him to fight his little forlorn hope
absolutely alone. I need scarcely say how thankfully he
poured forth his sore heart to his mother when once she had
opened the door, till now kept locked by her own ignorance;
and how she was able to explain to him that, far from
reaping any evil consequences from doing what is right, like
Sir Galahad, "his strength would be the strength of ten" if
he kept himself pure. She probably took steps to remove him
from so corrupt an atmosphere as prevailed in that
preparatory school, but of this I do not know.
But here let me guard myself from being misunderstood. I am
not making out that every schoolboy is exposed to these
temptations; there are boys so exceptionally endowed that they
seem to spread a pure atmosphere around them which is respected
by even the coarsest and loosest boys in the school. All I do
maintain, with Dr. Butler, is that no school is safe from this
danger, that at any time it may prove an active one in your
boy's life, and that at the very least you have to guard him
from impure knowledge being thrust upon him before nature has developed
the instincts of manhood by which she guards her inner
shrine.
And now I come to the question of day schools. As I have
already said, I cannot feel but they are more consonant with
the order of our life as giving the discipline and competition
of numbers without removing the boy from family life, nor do
they lend themselves to some of the graver evils of our
boarding-schools. But, alas! in themselves they form no panacea
for the evils we are contemplating. On the contrary, I am told
on authority I cannot question that in some places this plague
spot is rife among them. In one case the evil had struck so
wide and deep that the school had to be temporarily closed.
Here, again, the same lesson is emphasized, viz.: that whatever
is the form of the school, however excellent the teacher, there
is no substitute in the moral life for the home teaching and
training of mothers and fathers.
No mother can read these statements
unmoved—statements, remember, not my own, but made by men
of the deepest and widest experience, and which, therefore, you
are bound to weigh, ponder, and carefully consider. I know that
straight from your heart again comes the cry, "What can I
do?"
I am inclined to answer this cry in one word,
"Everything,"—with God's help.
And now let us enter into practical details. We will begin
with the outworks, and work our way inwards to the shrine.
First, as to the all-important choice of a school, should
the boy's father decide, for reasons in which you concur to
send him to a boarding-school.
As to how to ascertain the real state of a school there is,
of course, considerable difficulty. I have always found the
best way is through mothers who have gained the confidence of
their boys and who know through them what really goes on. In
this way, as mothers wake up to the danger their boys run and
to their own responsibility in guarding them, we shall be able
to help one another more and more. But make a point of
yourself, as well as the boy's father, personally seeing the
master to whom you think of entrusting your lad, and talking
over the matter with him. In this way you will not only satisfy
yourself, but you will strengthen his hands by making him feel
how vital the whole question is to your heart. What more than
anything else weakens the high-minded men who have the tuition
of the young is the utter unconcern that is evinced by the
parents and the sense that, by the payment of a sum of money
down, they can compound with a master for the performance of
their inalienable duty of undertaking the moral education of
their own children.
Here let me give you two most earnest
cautions. Do not attach too much importance to mere
mechanical arrangements as moral safeguards. One of our most
successful head-masters says:
"I would most seriously warn any parent anxious about
the choice of a school not to attach much weight to the
apparent excellence of arrangements. Some of the worst
schools have these arrangements in the highest perfection.
They cannot afford to have them otherwise. Neat cubicles
and spotless dimity have beguiled an uninterrupted sequence
of mammas, and have kept alive, and even flourishing,
schools which are in a thoroughly bad moral state and are
hopelessly inefficient in every particular. Of course, many
a parent feels that he ought to judge for himself, and
these mechanical arrangements are too often the only
material on which he can form his judgment. Let me assure
him that they are entirely untrustworthy."
Secondly, do not think to find safety in the choice of a
so-called "religious" school, even though it reflect the exact
shade of your own religious opinions. The worst evils I ever
knew went on in a school where the boys implicated held a
weekly prayer-meeting! We must boldly face the fact that there
is some mysterious connection between the religious emotions
and the lower animal nature; and the religious forcing-house,
of whatever school of theology, will always be liable to prove
a hot-bed of impurity. Choose a school with a high moral tone,
with religion as an underlying principle—a practical
religion, that inculcates duty rather than fosters emotion, and
embodies the wise proverb of Solomon, "In all labor there is
profit, but the talk of the lips tendeth to penury."
Only let me beseech you to use your whole
influence not to have your boy sent away at too early an
age. Do you really think that the exclusive society of
little boys, with their childish chatter, their foolish
little codes, their crude and often ridiculously false
notions of life, and their small curiosities, naturally
inquisitive, but not always clean in the researches they
inspire, and always false in their results, is
morally better for your child than, in Dr. Butler's
words,
"the refining and purifying atmosphere of home, with the
tenderness of a mother, the grace and playfulness of
sisters, the love and loyalty of the family nurse, and
lastly—scarcely to be distinguished in its effects
from these influences—the sweetness, the simplicity,
the flower-picking, the pony-patting of happy, frolicsome
younger brothers or sisters in the garden, the paddock, or
stable?"
If the boy has got out of hand, I ask, Whose fault is that?
and is it fair to the child that your fault should be remedied
by sending him away from all that is best and most purifying in
child life? I would plead earnestly that eleven or twelve is
old enough for the private school, and that a boy should not be
sent to a public school before fourteen. In this I think most
of our English head-masters would agree with me. Till this age,
a day school or a tutor should be had recourse to, and when the
time comes for sending him off to school, at least we can
refuse to place the boy anywhere, either at a private or public
school, where there is not some woman to mother and look after
the boys and exert a good womanly influence over
them. A head-master keenly alive to moral dangers, with a
capable wife ready to use her womanly influence in aiding
and abetting his efforts, I have found the best possible
combination.
But if it is decided that the boys are to be brought up at
the day school, your range of choice will probably be very
small. You will have to look wholly to your home influence and
teaching to counteract any evil influence they may encounter in
their school life. But as your boys will never be separated
from you, what may not that home influence and teaching, with
knowledge and forewarning to direct it,—what may it not
accomplish?
Let us, then, think out the best ways in which you can warn
and guard your boy and fulfil your responsibility of being his
moral teacher.
Let us begin with the simplest measure which you can take,
and which can present no difficulty to anyone. Before sending
your boy to school get him quietly by himself and say to him
some such words as these: "My boy, you know, or will come to
know, that when boys get together they often talk of nasty
things, and even do nasty things. Give me your word of honor as
a Christian and a gentleman that you will never say or do
anything that you know you would be ashamed to tell me, that you know would
bring a blush to your sister's cheeks. Always remember that
dirty talk, and still more dirty deeds, are only fit for
cads. Promise me faithfully that you will never let any boy,
especially an elder boy, tell you 'secrets.' If you were to
consent through curiosity, or because you feel flattered at
one of the elder fellows taking you up, be sure he means you
no good. Whatever you want to know ask me, and so far as I
can I will tell you." Some such words as these said solemnly
to a boy the day before he leaves home for the first time,
either for a boarding-school, or even a day school, will
make your womanhood a sort of external conscience to your
boy, to guard him from those first beginnings of impurity,
in the shape of what are technically called "secrets," which
lead on to all the rest. I know one mother who, from her
boy's earliest years, has made a solemn pact with him, on
the one hand, if he would promise never to ask any questions
about life and birth of anyone but her, she, in her turn,
would promise to tell him all he wanted to know; and from
first to last there has been that perfect confidence and
friendship between mother and son which is, and ever must
be, a boy's greatest safeguard.
Only remember that with young boys men who have had the
greatest experience are generally agreed that it is better not
to put the stress on religious motives. Practically, for a
young boy, it is better to treat the whole thing as dirty, nasty, and
blackguardly. And the whole subject must always be spoken of
with reserve, without any emotion, and with much "dry
light."
With most lads I should go a step further; I should give the
boy one of the White Cross papers, "A Strange
Companion."[14] It is impossible to lay down hard
and fast rules; it is impossible to make so many jam-pots of
even young humanity, to be tied up and labelled and arranged
upon the same shelf. Each individuality has to be dealt with
in all its mysterious idiosyncrasy. One boy may be so
reserved that it is better to write to him than to talk face
to face; another may find the greatest possible strength and
comfort in freedom of speech and the feeling that there is
no barrier between him and his mother with regard to being
able to tell her freely of any temptations that may assail
him. Your mother's instincts will be your best guide as to
what method to adopt with each of your boys.
If the father of the lad can be induced, at any rate before
he enters a boarding-school, to follow the advice of that
remarkable man, Mr. Thring, the founder of Uppingham School, in
his address to our Church Congress, and write a letter of plain
warning and counsel to the lad, it would be an unspeakable
help. "My first statement," says Mr. Thring, "is that
all fathers ought to write such a letter to their sons. It
is not difficult, if done in a common-sense
way."[15]
But now I come to what on all hands we must allow to be a
point of extreme difficulty. I think all head-masters, deeply
concerned in the moral welfare of the boys under their charge,
would emphatically endorse the following words of Dr.
Butler's:
"It is certain, it must needs be, that boys should, at
an early period of their boyhood, come to hear of the
nature of sexual relations. From whom should they first
learn it? Should it be with every accompaniment of
coarseness, of levity, of obscenity? From some ribald groom
in the stables? From some impure maidservant who has stolen
into the household and the nursery? From some brother only
a year or two older, who has just received his first
initiation in impurity at a private school and is too young
to understand its danger? Worst of all, from the idlest,
and most corrupt, and most worthless set of boys at this
same private school, who surround the newcomer within a few
days, perhaps a few hours, of his first joining, and, with
knowing looks and enticing words, try to probe his childish
knowledge, and leave him half-ashamed of himself and keenly
inquisitive for full initiation, if he finds that he knows
nothing of this engrossing mystery? Is it right, is it
fair, is it consistent with religious duty or with
common-sense, that a little boy of eight, or ten, or
twelve, should be sent at this impressionable age to hear
for the first time of facts of human nature which must ere
long be known, and are part of God's appointment? Does not
every dictate of humanity and of reason point to the
conclusion that the dawn of this knowledge should be
invested with all that is tender, and loving, and pure, and
sacred, instead of being shrouded in the mists of innuendo
or blazoned forth in the shamelessness of bestiality? There
is really no answer but one to such a question, and the
plain truth is that fathers, perhaps still more mothers,
must recognize the duty which lies upon them to teach
their children, at such times, in such words, and with
such reservations as the character of each child may
suggest, the elements at least of that knowledge which
will otherwise be learnt but a very little later from a
widely different set of instructors. I lay down the
principle as admitting of no exception—I do not
anticipate even one dissentient voice from any who now
hear me—that no boy ought ever to be allowed to
go to school without learning from his father or his
mother, or from some brother or tried friend
considerably older than himself the simple facts as to
the laws of birth and the terrible danger of ever coming
to talk of these phenomena as matters of frivolous and
filthy conversation."
I can only beseech you to give due weight to these words of
one who had many years' experience of a large public school.
Over and over again, at all my meetings of educated mothers, I
have reiterated his question in similar words, "Is it right, is
it fair, that your boy should learn the sacred mysteries of
life and birth from the sources which Dr. Butler enumerates,
and to which you abandon him, if you refuse to speak; sources
of unclean and lying information by which I have no hesitation
in saying that the mind and conscience of many men are more or
less permanently defiled, even when the life has been kept
outwardly pure?" Can you hesitate for one moment to allow that
the springs of the life which you will be the first to
acknowledge comes from God should well up from a pure source,
till, like Wordsworth's stream—
"Crowned with
flowers,
The mountain
infant to the sun laughs forth,"
and that the whole subject should be so bound up in the
boy's mind with his father's love for his mother, his mother's
love for his father, with his own existence, and that of his
sisters, that he would shrink with utter loathing from the
filthy so-called "secrets" that are bandied about among
schoolboys? I know that the task of conveying this knowledge
presents many difficulties, but again I ask, "What is there in
our life that is worth doing which is not difficult?" Long ago
the definition of a difficulty to me has become "a thing to be
overcome." It is not in sitting down helplessly before a
difficulty that the way will open. With us, as with the
Israelites on the brink of that raging midnight sea, it is in a
brave obedience to the Divine command, "Go forward!" that the
path opens through the trackless sea, and we find that the
great waters that seem ready to overwhelm us are in reality a
baptism into new life.
Again I seem almost to hear the cry of your heart, "I know I
ought to speak to my boy, but how am I to do it?"
Now, it is here that I earnestly desire to give you, if I
possibly can, some helpful, practical suggestions,
for I feel that it is not in the
recognition of a duty, but in its performance, that the
difficulty lies which is arresting so many educated mothers
at the present time.
With very young children, whether girls or boys, there
should be no difficulty whatever. They are too young to
understand. Only, when they come to you asking their innocent
little questions as to where the little baby brother or sister
comes from, I would earnestly ask you never to allow yourself,
or your nurse, to inflict on them the usual popular fables,
that the baby was brought by the doctor or that it was found
under the gooseberry-bush. A child is far quicker than we think
to detect that mother is hiding something, and the first tiny
seed of evil curiosity is sown. Make no mystery about it; look
your child full in the face, and say, "My child, you have asked
me a question about what is very, very sacred. If I were to try
to explain it to you, you would not be old enough to
understand; for the present you must be content to know that
the baby comes from God; how it comes mother will tell you when
you grow old enough to understand; only promise me that you
will never ask any one but mother about it." The child will
then see that you are hiding nothing, and will be satisfied to
wait for the explanation that mother has promised.
But what when the child is old enough to
understand?—an age which doubtless varies in different
children, but which with boys must come before their first
school, if you are to occupy the ground of his
heart with good seed, which leaves no room for the devil's
sowing.
Well, with regard to the facts of birth, I do not think we
ought to find much difficulty. You can point out how the baby
seed has a soft, downy place provided for it in the pod of the
parent plant till it has ripened and is fit to be sown, when
the pod opens and lets it fall to the earth, and it becomes a
plant in its turn. You can point out that the egg in a similar
way is carried in the mother bird's body till the shell has
hardened and is fit to be laid, when she warms it with her own
breast, patiently sitting on it for days, while the father bird
feeds her, till the little chick is strong enough to break the
walls of its tiny house, and come forth and peck and fend for
itself. You can explain how the little kitten the child plays
with has in the same way a safe place provided for it in the
mother's body, where it grows and grows till all its organs are
formed, and it can breathe and suck, when, like the seed from
the pod, and the chick from the egg it leaves the mother's
body, and is born, a blind and helpless baby kitten, to be fed
and tenderly cared for by the mother cat. You will explain that
the baby comes in just the same way so far as its infant body
is concerned, growing like the kitten from a tiny
cell—borne by the mother till all the organs are formed
which it needs for its earthly life, when it also is born and
laid in its mother's arms, to be nourished and cared for by the
love of both father and mother, not for a few weeks, as with
animals, but through long years of helplessness. And you
mean to tell me that the sacred truth would not endear you
to your child far more than the usual cock-and-bull story
about the doctor and the gooseberry-bush?
A friend of mine has three boys of widely opposite character
and temperament. Owing to circumstances, the eldest lad had to
be sent to school at an early age. Young as he was, she
resolved to follow Dr. Butler's advice and tell him the facts
of birth in the way I have suggested. On realizing the truth,
the boy flung his arms round her neck and burst into tears. But
though she felt that she had done right, she was not wholly
without misgivings that she might have introduced some
objectionable talk into her nursery. When the time came to send
the second lad to school, she repeated the talk that she had
had with his elder brother. But to her surprise she found him
in total ignorance of the facts: his elder brother had never
confided them to him. And so again with the third boy.
Evidently the boys had considered it too sacred a thing to talk
about—how much too sacred, then, to allow of their
joining in with the unclean gossip of schoolboys! Its only
result was to give them an added tenderness for their mother,
and to make them resent all such unclean talk as so much mud
flung at her.
So far, so good. But we all of us realize that it is not the
facts of birth, but the facts of the origination
of life, that form the perennial source of
obscene talk, and often of obscene action, among boys; and
it is in explaining these, without violating those instincts
of reserve and modesty with which nature herself surrounds
the whole subject, that what often seems an insuperable
difficulty arises. Yet these functions are, and must be, the
very shrine of a body which is a temple of the Lord and
Giver of life; and on the face of things, therefore, there
must be some method of conveying pure knowledge to the
opening mind with regard to them. The difficulty must be
with ourselves, and not in the very nature of things
themselves.
Has it not been created in a great measure by a wrong
method? We begin with human life instead of ending with it; we
isolate it from a great system to which it belongs, and treat
what is "the roof and crown of things" as a roof that tops no
fair edifice, and is therefore anomalous; as a crown that rests
on a head which has been severed from its body, and is
therefore unmeaning. We obstinately refuse to live—to
quote Goethe's words again—not only "in the beautiful and
the good," but also "in the whole," which is equally necessary
for a well-ordered life. What it seems to me we need is to
teach the facts of life-giving, or, in other words, of sex, as
a great, wide, open-air law, running right through animated
creation, an ever-ascending progression forming a golden ladder
leading up to man.
In explaining the facts of reproduction, I would
therefore suggest that you should begin
with the lowest rung of the ladder, the simplest organisms,
such as the amoeba or the volvox. I should show how these
multiply by fission, the creature dividing into two, when it
is impossible to tell which is the father and which is the
mother. I would then pass upwards to more complex organisms,
where two individuals are required to form the offspring.
You could explain the whole process by the method of
fertilization in plants, as urged in an excellent paper by a
lady doctor, published in the Parents'
Review.[16] Let me quote her words:
"The child can learn the difference of the names, color,
and forms of flowers as soon as it can learn anything. The
next step would be to simple lessons in the different parts
of a plant—the vegetative organs of roots, stem,
leaves, passing on to the reproductive organs in the
flower—calyx, corolla, stamen, and pistil. Let the
child be taught to notice that all flowers have not quite
the same organs, some bearing stamens only, which shed the
powdery pollen and are the male, or little father flowers;
while others have the pistil only, furnished with the
stigma to catch the pollen, and are the females, or little
mothers; that the one sort of flowers is necessary to the
other in producing the little seed or baby plant."
Let us take a primrose. Here the mother and father elements
are found in the same flower. At the base of the flower, packed
in a delicate casket, which is called the ovary, lie a number
of small white objects no larger than butterfly-eggs. These are
the eggs or ova of the primrose. Into this casket, by a secret
opening, filmy tubes thrown out by the pollen
grains—now enticed from their hiding-place on the
stamens and clustered on the stigma—enter and pour a
fertilizing fluid, called "spermatozoa," through a
microscopic gateway, which opens in the wall of the egg and
leads to its inmost heart. The ovule, or future seed, is now
fertilized and capable of producing a future primrose.
Covered with many protecting coats, it becomes a perfect
seed. The original casket swells, hardens, is transformed
into a rounded capsule or seed-vessel, opening by valves or
a deftly constructed hinge. One day this seed-vessel,
crowded with seeds, breaks open and completes the cycle of
reproduction by dispersing them over the ground, where they
sow themselves, and grow and become primrose plants in their
turn, starring the grass with their lovely
blossoms.[17]
Sometimes the male and female elements grow upon different
plants, as in the catkins children are so fond of gathering in
the spring.
"More than two thousand years ago Herodotus observed a
remarkable custom in Egypt. At a certain season of the year
the Egyptians went into the desert, cut off branches from
the wild palms, and bringing them back to their gardens,
waved them over the flowers of the date-palm. Why they
performed this ceremony they did not know; but they knew
that if they neglected it the date-crop would be poor or
wholly lost. But the true reason is now explained.
Palm-trees, like human beings, are male and female. The
garden plants, the date bearers, were females, the
desert plants were males; and the waving of the branches
over the females meant the transference of the pollen
dust from the one to the other."[18]
From these two elements, the spermatozoa, or male element,
and the ova, or female element, all life, except in the lowest
organisms, is produced.
You could point out how it is by this marvellous process of
reproduction, not only that the world is made green and
beautiful, but all animal life is fed. Corn and rice, which are
only fertilized seeds, form the staple food of a large
proportion of mankind; while even the animal in order to live
has first to be nourished on corn or grass before it can become
meat for man.
You could go on further to illustrate the facts of
reproduction by bees and ants, so familiar to children, where
the drone or male bee, or the male ant, in just the same way as
in the plant, fertilizes the eggs of the queen bee or ant by
bringing the spermatozoa into contact with the unfertilized egg
in the insect's body, when the eggs thus fertilized are laid
and carefully nurtured by the working bee or ant. All children
have observed the little neuter,[19] or working ant, carrying in its
mandibles an egg almost as large as itself with an air of
extreme hurry and absorption, to lay it in
the sun till the warmth hatches it into a baby ant.
If it were further pointed out that not the male, but the
female, as the mother of the species, is Nature's chief care;
that among ants the male is sent into the world so imperfectly
endowed that he cannot even feed himself, but is fed by his
female relations, and that as soon as he has performed his
function of fertilizing the queen ant, Nature apparently
dismisses him with contemptuous starvation; or—to take
the case of the drone or male bee—he is stung to death by
the workers, it might help to modify the preposterous
pretensions of the male, especially of the boy, in higher
circles.
You could then pass upwards through fish with the soft and
hard roe, or male and female elements which are familiar to
children, and through frogs with their spawn to birds. Here
comes in an upward step indeed. "A world that only cared for
eggs becomes," as Professor Drummond observes in his Ascent
of Man, "a world that cares for its young." The first faint
trembling dawn, or at least shadowing forth, of a moral life,
in the care of the strong for the weak, makes itself seen,
which henceforth becomes as pervasive an element in Nature as
the fierce struggle for existence in which the weak are
destroyed by the strong.[20]
In the bird—till now "the free queen
of the air," living at her own wild will, suddenly fettered
and brooding on her nest, and covering her helpless young
with her tender wings—we see some faint image of the
Divine tenderness. In the ceaseless toil of both the parent
birds from morning till night to fill the little gaping
throats we begin to feel the duty of the strong to serve and
protect the weak; and in the little hen partridge, still
clinging to her nest, when the flash of the scythe is
drawing nearer and nearer, till reapers have told me they
have feared the next sweep of the scythe might cut off her
head, we see more than a shadow of that mother's love which
is stronger than death. And when we pass lastly to the
highest order of animals, the mammalia, we find them named
after the mother's function of giving suck to her young from
her own breast. They are no longer matured in an external
egg, but are borne in her own body till they are able to
breathe, and seek their nourishment from her, and then they are born so helpless
that, as with kittens and puppies, they often cannot even
see.
In this higher order of animals nothing can exceed the
devotion of the mother to her young in their helpless infancy.
The fierce bear will recklessly expose her shaggy breast to the
hunter in their defence. Here, too, we find, as the Duke of
Argyle points out in his book on The Unity of
Nature,
"that the equality of the sexes, as regards all the
enjoyments as well as the work of life, is the universal
rule; and among those of them in which the social instincts
have been especially implanted, and whose systems of polity
are like the most civilized polities of men, the females of
the race are treated with a strange mixture of love,
loyalty, and devotion."
"Man" as the Duke says, "is the Great Exception," and has
been defined as the only animal that ill-treats and degrades
his female.
And when at length we come to the topmost step, "the roof
and crown of things,"—Man, as you have already explained
the physical facts of life-giving on the plane of plants, and
ants, and bees, where they can excite no feeling of any kind,
you will have no need to go over them again, but will find
yourself free to express the physical in terms of the moral.
Man, as a spiritual being, incarnate in an animal body, takes
this great law of sex which we have seen running through the
animated creation, and lifts it into the moral and the
spiritual. The physical love which in animals only
lasts for the brief time that is needed
for the production and rearing of offspring—becomes in
him a love which "inhabiteth eternity," and unites him to
the mother of his children in the indissoluble union of
marriage. His fatherhood becomes the very representative of
the Father in heaven. The mother becomes the very type and
image of the Love that has loved us with more than a
mother's love, borne with us with more than a mother's
patience, suffered for us, in the Cross and Passion, more
than a mother's pangs, to bring us into a higher life. The
love of brothers and sisters becomes the first faint
beginning of the universal Church and the brotherhood of
man; and the sweet babble of their voices grows choral at
length in the songs of the Church triumphant, the unbroken
family in heaven; while the Christian home shadows forth the
eternal home which awaits us
hereafter.[21]
The only warning you would have to give your boy would be to
point out that, as a cathedral takes longer to build than a
shanty, so the human body, which is meant to be the temple of
the "Lord and Giver of life," takes much longer to mature than
an animal's. Many an animal lives and dies of old age in the
fourteen years that leave man still an immature boy. And you
must earnestly impress upon him that the whole of this part
of his nature which you have been
explaining to him as a great law running through animated
creation and finding its highest uses in Man, must be left
to mature itself in absolute rest and quiet. All premature
use of it is fatal to perfect health of soul and body. The
less he thinks of it, and the more he thinks of his work and
his athletics, the better for him. Above all, you hope, now
that he knows the truth and his curiosity is satisfied, he
will loathe all filthy jests and stories about that which is
the source of all beautiful living things on the pleasant
earth and, in his own little world, of all happy family life
and innocent home love and joy.
Let me quote here, in conclusion, a little poem, called "The
Golden Ladder," which seems to me to embody some of the
teaching of this exquisite page of the illuminated Word of
Creation, which man has so blotted and defiled with his
obscenities, but which to "open hearts and love-lit eyes" is
the spring of all that is highest—the birth of the moral
and the cradle of the divine.
"When torn with Passion's insecure
delights,
By Love's dear
torments, ceaseless changes worn,
As my swift sphere full twenty days
and nights
Did make, ere
one slow morn and eve were born;
"I passed within the dim, sweet world
of flowers,
Where only
harmless lights, not hearts, are broken,
And weep out the sweet-watered summer
showers—
World of
white joys, cool dews, and peace unspoken;
"I started, even there among the
flowers,
To find the
tokens mute of what I fled—
Passions, and forces, and resistless
powers,
That have uptorn
the world and stirred the dead.
"In secret bowers of amethyst and
rose,
Close wrapped in
fragrant golden curtains laid,
Where silver lattices to morn
unclose,
The fairy lover
clasps his flower-maid.
"Ye blessed children of the jocund
day!
What mean these
mysteries of love and birth?
Caught up like solemn words by babes
at play,
Who know not
what they babble in their mirth.
"Or of one stuff has some Hand made us
all,
Baptized us all in
one great sequent plan,
Where deep to ever vaster deep may
call,
And all their large
expression find in Man?
"Flowers climb to birds, and birds and
beasts to Man,
And Man to
God, by some strong instinct driven;
And so the golden ladder upward
ran,
Its foot among the
flowers, its top in heaven.
"All lives Man lives; of matter first
then tends
To plants, an
animal next unconscious, dim,
A man, a spirit last, the cycle
ends,—
Thus all
creation weds with God in him.
"And if he fall, a world in him doth
fall,
All things decline
to lower uses; while
The
golden chain that bound the each to all
Falls broken in the dust, a linkless
pile.
"And Love's fair sacraments and mystic
rite
In Nature, which
their consummation find,
In wedded hearts, and union
infinite
With the Divine,
of married mind with mind,
Foul symbols of an idol temple
grow,
And sun-white Love
is blackened into lust,
And man's impure doth into flower-cups
flow,
And the fair Kosmos
mourneth in the dust.
O Thou, out-topping all we know or
think,
Far off yet nigh,
out-reaching all we see,
Hold Thou my hand, that so the
top-most link
Of the
great chain may hold, from us to Thee;
"And from my heaven-touched life may
downward flow
Prophetic
promise of a grace to be;
And flower, and bird, and beast, may
upward grow,
And find
their highest linked to God in me."
Possibly you will say at once, "Oh, my boy has no taste for
natural history, and he would take no interest in this kind of
thing." All the better his finding it a bit dry—it will
rid the subject of some of its dangerous attraction. I have yet
to find the boy for whom the Latin Grammar has the least
interest; but we do not excuse him on that ground from grinding
at it. Whether he takes an interest in it or not, you have to
teach him that he has got to know about these things before
going to school, to guard him from the danger of having all
sorts of false, and often foul, notions palmed off on him. I do
not say that pure knowledge will necessarily save, but I do say
that the pitcher which is full of clear spring-water has no
room for foul. I do say that you have gained a great step, if
in answer to the offer of enlightenment which he is certain to
receive, you have enabled your boy to acquit himself of
the rough objurgation—forgive me for
putting it in schoolboy language: "Oh, hold your jaw! I know
all about that, and I don't want any of your rot." I do say
that early associations are most terribly strong, and if you
will secure that those early associations with regard to
life and birth shall be bound up with all the sanctities of
life—with home, with his mother, with family, with all
that is best and highest in life; then his whole attitude in
life will be different. But if these early associations are
linked with all that is false and foul, some subtle odor of
the sewer will still cling about the heart of the shrine, a
nameless sense of something impure in the whole subject; an
undefinable something in his way of looking at it, which has
often made the purity of men—blameless in their outer
life—- sadden and perplex me almost as much as the
actions and words of confessedly impure men.
But, whatever is the importance I attach to pure teaching, I
return to my old position, that purity is an attitude of soul,
or, perhaps I ought to say, the "snowy bloom" of the soul's
perfect health, rather than anything you can embody in moral
maxims or pure knowledge—that perfect bloom of spiritual
health which may be as much the result of a mother's watchful
care and training as the physical health of the body. It is for
you to train your boy in that knightly attitude of soul,
that reverence for womanhood, which is to
men as "fountains of sweet water" in the bitter sea of life;
that chivalrous respect for the weak and the unprotected
which, next to faith in God, will be the best guard to all
the finer issues of his character. Truth of truth are the
golden words of Ruskin to young men:
"Whomsoever else you deceive, whomsoever else you
injure, whomsoever else you leave unaided, you must not
deceive, nor injure, nor leave unaided according to your
power any woman whatever, of whatever rank. Believe me,
every virtue of the highest phase of manly character begins
and ends in this, in truth and modesty before the face of
all maidens, in truth and reverence or truth and pity to
all womanhood."
Can we doubt or question this, we who worship Him who came
to reveal the true man quite as much as to reveal the only true
God—the real manhood beneath the false, perishable man
with which it is so often overlaid by the influence of society
and the world? Look at His attitude towards women, ay, even
Eastern women, who had not been ennobled by centuries of
Christian freedom and recognized equality of the sexes, but
who, on the contrary, belonged to a nation tainted to some
degree with that Eastern contempt for women which made a Hindu
answer the question of the Englishman, perplexed by the
multiplied of Indian gods and sects, "Is there no point
of belief in which you all unite?" "Oh, yes," the Pundit
replied, "we all believe in the sanctity of cows and the
depravity of women!"
These Eastern women, therefore, had much
to enslave and lower them; but see how instantly they rose
to the touch of the true Man, just as they will rise, the
women of to-day, to the touch of the true manhood of your
sons, if you will train them to be to us such men as Jesus
Christ was. See how He made women His friends, and deigned
to accept their ministry to His human needs. Many severe
rebukes are recorded from His lips to men, but not one to a
woman. It was a woman, ay, even a degraded woman, who by her
kisses and her tears smote the Rock of Ages and the water of
life flowed forth for the world, who won for the world the
words: "He who hath been forgiven much loveth much," and the
burden of guilt is changed into the burden of Love. It was
to a woman He first gave the revelation of life, that He
first revealed Himself as the Water of Life, and first
uttered the words, "I am the Resurrection and the Life." It
was women who remained faithful when all forsook Him and
fled. It was a woman who was the last to whom He spoke on
the cross, to a woman that the first words were spoken of
His risen life. It was a woman He made His first messenger
of the risen life to the world. Nothing in the life of the
true Man on earth stands out in more marked features than,
if I may venture to use the words, His faith in women, as if
to stamp it forever as an attribute of all true manhood,
that without which a man cannot be a man.
Now, side by side with this attitude of
the true Man, this perfect loyalty to all womanhood as such,
ay, even degraded womanhood, place the present debased
attitude of men, even of some Christian men, which we are
looking to you mothers of boys to change in toto. Is
not a powerful writer in the Westminster Review right
when he says, "There is not found a chivalrous respect for
womanhood as such. That a woman has fallen is not the
trumpet call to every noble and wise-hearted man to raise
her up again as speedily as may be; rather it is the signal
to deepen her degradation and to doom her to moral death."
Is it not a received code even among Americans as well as
Englishmen that if a woman knows how to respect and protect
herself men are to respect her—it is only a scoundrel
that will dare to say an insulting word to her? But if she
is a bit fast and giddy, if she has little or no respect for
herself, if her foolish feet have slipped ever so little,
then she is fair game. "She gave him encouragement; what
else could she expect? It was her own fault." To expect that
any man with an ounce of true manhood in him would at once
say, "That young girl does not in the least realize the
danger she is in, and I must get between her and the edge of
the precipice, and see that she comes to no
harm."—this would be to expect the wildly impossible.
Have we not made up our mind that the beast and not the
Christ is our master here; and does not every beast spring
at once on a fallen prey? It is human nature, and you will
never get men to think and act any differently. As to faith
in man as such, not only in the church-going man, but in the
rough-spoken fisherman, the contemned publican, the infidel
Samaritan, faith in his power of recognizing and rising to
the truth, the higher standard placed before him,
that I sometimes think lies buried in that Eastern
garden—in the Sepulchre "wherein never man yet
lay."[22] And yet it is the man as revealed
in Jesus Christ, not the man as fashioned by the world, with
its low traditions and low public opinion, that is true to
human nature. In moments of excitement or danger he reverts
to this true nature, which has been so warped and overlaid
by the world. In the great mass meetings which I held for
the purpose of pleading with men to come over on my side and
help me in the work of saving women from the awful doom to
which men sentence them, I used to bring this home by saying
to them: "If a fire were to break out in this vast hall, who
would be the first person that you would try to save? It
would be me because I am a woman"; and the roar of assent
that burst forth from all parts of the building showed that
I had struck home. I used to bring before them—and the
sooner you bring it before your boys the better—the
conduct of the men on the ill-fated
Birkenhead—ah! dear men, voiceless and
nameless, and lost in that "vast and
wandering grave" into which they sank, what have they not
done to raise the tone of England? You will possibly
remember that the Birkenhead, with a troop of our
soldiers on board, struck and foundered not far from land.
The women and children were at once crowded into the boats,
and it was only when, in a few minutes, the ship began to
settle that the cry was heard among the men, "To the boats!
to the boats! every man for himself!" But the officer in
command stood up and shouted, "What! and swamp the women and
children? Die rather!" And those men did die. Drawn up in
military array, without moving a muscle, those men sank into
the bitter waters of death, that the women and children
might live.[23] That I contend is man's true
nature, to love the woman, and, if needs be, to give himself
for her.
It is, therefore, to recognize and strengthen this true
nature of man, to get it deeper into him, and not to get it out
of him, as I cannot but feel we have hitherto more or less
done, to train your boys in this perfect loyalty to all
womanhood as such; and to send forth men into the world to "die rather" than
save themselves at the cost of a woman, to "die rather" than
drive a woman down into those deep waters of degradation and
death, that we look to the mothers of the future as the sole
hope of the world. I say again you have got to see that they
learn in relation to their own sisters what they have to
practise towards all women, however humble, ay, and however
degraded, in their future life. As the great English oaks
are built up of tiny cells, so this true manliness must be
built up by a mother's watchful use of a thousand small
daily incidents—by what Wordsworth rightly calls the
best part of a good man's life—
"His little daily, unremembered
acts
Of kindness and of
love."
In themselves they seem almost too trivial to
mention:—the easy chair instinctively given up on the
sister's entrance; the door opened for any woman passing out;
the cap removed in the presence of ladies, even though those
ladies are his own relatives; the deck-chair taken out by the
seaside to make the mother comfortable; the favorite
cricket-match given up if an expedition has been fixed in which
his services are needed; the window raised and the door shut on
leaving a railway-carriage in which women are travelling, so as
not to expose them to draught; and, when men-servants are not
kept, the sister's bicycle cleaned or the skates
polished—all those "little daily,
unremembered acts" of knightly service which the mere
presence of a woman ought to inspire in a man.
I am well aware that here again, as Mr. Philip Hamerton
points out, the boarding-school presents a difficulty. As he
says, "The worst of the distant school system is that it
deprives the home residence that remains of all beneficial
discipline; for the boys are guests during the holidays, and
the great business is to amuse them."[24]
But surely this needs only to be mentioned to be remedied.
You do not make your boys happier during their holidays by
making them selfish: what is really a novelty to a schoolboy,
fresh from the association with boys only, is to have sisters
to look after and a mother to depend upon him for all sorts of
little services. A joyous exclamation on your part, "Oh, what a
comfort it is to have a boy in the house to do things for one!"
will make him swell with manly pride; and should he show the
least tendency to put upon his sisters and make them fetch and
carry for him, as they are only too willing to do, you can
easily put a stop to that by a few caustic remarks that you
don't want savages in your house; and a pointed use of that
delightful story in one of the White Cross
papers,[25] of the Zulu chief to whom the
Government sent a propitiatory present of wagons and wheelbarrows,
thinking that it would be sure to please him. But he gazed
on them with fine scorn, exclaiming: "What's the use of
those things for carrying our burdens when we have plenty of
women!" Or you can use that equally good story, told by Sir
John Lubbock at a sectional meeting of the British
Association for the Promotion of Science, of a remote tribe
of savages who had never seen a bullock, and when the white
man arrived with his bullock wagons, after much perplexed
discussion, they came to the conclusion that, as they were
used for heavy loads, they must be the white man's
wives!
A little wholesome, if incisive, raillery on your part will
quickly extinguish any tendency to make willing slaves of his
sisters. If, however, you prefer to indulge your foolish
fondness for him, that subtle self-indulgence which makes it
easier for you to sacrifice yourself and his sisters to him
rather than discipline him to work out his true nature,
remember you gratify yourself at his most cruel cost. You
produce the boy whose youth is marked by a tacit contempt for
girls and whose manhood will be disfigured by a light
estimation of the beauty and sanctity of womanhood.
I know well I shall be told that all this is quite out of
date; that modern girls are so independent that they stand in
no need of brothers, but like to place themselves on a level
with them and share as good comrades in all their
rough-and-tumble games. Let us be of good cheer. Sex is a very ancient institution,
the slow evolution of hundreds of centuries, and is in no
danger of being obliterated by the fashion of a day. Take
the most advanced "new woman"; yes, concealed under that
virile shirt-front, unchoked by that manly necktie and
turned-up collar, lurking beneath that masculine billy-cock;
nay, hidden somewhere deeper down than the pockets of even
those male knickerbockers, you will find the involuntary
pleasurable thrill at a strong man's chivalrous attention,
the delicious sense of a man's care and protection, which
centuries and centuries of physical weakness have woven into
the very tissues of her being, in however loud and strident
a voice she may deny it. Whatever changes in the position of
women may take place, the basic fact remains, and will
always remain, the man is stronger than the woman, and his
strength is given him to serve the weaker; and you have got
to get your girls to be your fellow-helpers in developing
all that is best and most chivalrous in their brothers, and
not so to run riot in their independence as to substitute a
boyish camaraderie for the exquisite relations of the true
man to the true woman.
There rises up now before me a boy, one of those delightful
English boys overflowing with pluck and spirits. His mother had
come to one of my meetings, and, like so many other mothers, I
am thankful to say, had received a lifelong impression from
what I said with regard to the training of boys, and
she resolved, there and then, to act upon my advice with her
own boys. She told me some two years after, that this boy
had come in late one afternoon and explained to her that a
little girl had asked him to direct her to rather an
out-of-the-way house. "I thought she might ask that question
of some one who would tell her wrong, or that she might come
to some harm, so I thought I had better go with her and see
her safe to the house." "But what of the cricket-match that
you wanted so to see?" his mother asked. "Oh, I had to give
that up. There wasn't time for both."
On another occasion, when a Christmas-tree was being
prepared in the schoolroom for some choristers, as he and his
mother left at dusk a chorister tried to force himself past her
and gain a private view; and when she refused him admittance,
not recognizing who she was, called her a very disrespectful
name. Instantly the boy flew at him like a little tiger, "How
dare you speak to my mother like that!" "I didn't see it was
your mother," the chorister pleaded, trying to ward off the
blows. "But you saw it was a woman, and somebody's mother, and
you dare to speak to her like that!" And such a storm of
fisticuffs fell on every part of that hulking young chorister's
person as forced him at last to cry for mercy and promise that
he would never do so again. That boy's master wrote to his
mother towards the end of his school-time—he was
a Bluecoat boy—and said that he
positively dreaded his leaving, as his influence on the side
of everything good, and pure, and high was quite that of a
master.
And now I come to the question of religious teaching, which
you may be surprised that I have not put first of all. First of
all, in one sense, I do put it. There can be no greater
safeguard to purity of life than vital religion. I do not go so
far as some evangelical mothers who have told me that nothing
less than the conversion of their boys would be of the least
avail to keep them morally straight; on the contrary, I have
known men who have never come under any strong religious
influence, but have grown up sceptical scientific men, yet who
have led lives as pure as any woman's. Common manhood, with the
"Light that lighteth every man that cometh into the world";
common love for mother and sister, which for their sakes maketh
it impossible to wrong their womanhood, even when fallen into
the dust; common self-respect, which is so strong in some men,
and makes them shrink from anything in the nature of mud, is
often sufficient to accomplish this end. But still, when all is
said, if in answer to your mother's prayers you can implant in
your boy a sense of the Divine Presence and the cry of the
quickened conscience, "How can I do this great sin and
wickedness against God?" you have doubtless given him the best
panoply against the fiery darts of temptation. Only I would
again warn you that there must be no forcing of the religious
emotions, no effort to gather the fruits of the spirit
before the root, in the shape of the great cardinal virtues
everywhere presupposed in Christian ethics, has been
nourished, and strengthened, and watered into strong,
healthy growth. We have to bear in mind our Lord's words,
which it seems to me religious parents sometimes forget,
that there is an order of growth in spiritual things as in
natural—first the blade, then the ear, and then the
full corn in the ear; and we are not to try to force the
full corn in the ear before the stalk and the blade have
grown. For the want of laying to heart these words of the
great Teacher, I have known much pulpy, emotional religion
engrafted on young souls—admirably adapted to exhaust
the soil, but with the smallest possible bearing upon right
conduct; a religion perfectly at its ease with much scamping
of lessons and hard work in general; indulgent of occasional
cribbing, and of skilful manipulation of awkward truth, of
betting and small extravagances; and innocent of all sense
of dishonesty in allowing a struggling parent to pay large
sums for education while the school-time so purchased, often
at the cost of home comforts and pleasant outings, is
squandered in idleness.
What a boy really needs, and, indeed, all immature
things—for I found it equally true of immature
men—is a simple, practical religion, based more on the
facts of life and conscience than on doctrines and
dogmas. To know God as his Father; to know that
he has a Redeemer who laid down His life to save him from
sin and who takes account of his smallest and most broken
effort to do what is right; to realize that it is only so
far as he is like Christ and in Christ that he can be really
a man and work out what is highest in him; to know that he
has been baptized into a Divine Society, binding him to
fight against all wrong, both within and in the world
without; above all, to know that there is a supreme
spiritual Power within him and about him to enable him to do
right, and that in the line of duty "I can't" is a lie in
the lips that repeat, "I believe in the Holy Ghost"; this is
as much as his young soul can assimilate, not as mere
religious phrases, but as realities to live by.
"So nigh to glory is our
dust,
So nigh to God is
man,
When duty whispers
low 'Thou must,'
The soul
replies, 'I can.'"
But see that beneath all this he has the special Christian
teaching with regard to the sanctity of the body thoroughly
instilled into him. If the Incarnation means anything, it means
not the salvation and sanctification of a ghost, but the
salvation and consecration of the whole man, of his body as
well as his soul. True, the animal body to a spiritual being
must always be a "body of humiliation," but nothing can be more
unfortunate and misleading than the epithet in
the Authorized Version of "vile" as a
translation of the Greek word used by St. Paul. On the
contrary, we are taught that even this mortal body is a
temple of the Holy Ghost.
In teaching this there can be no difficulty; you can make
use of a child's natural reverence for a church. You can say,
"What would you think if you heard of some loose lads breaking
into a church, and just for the fun of the thing strewing the
aisles with cinder dust and all sorts of loose rubbish; tearing
out the pages of Bibles and hymn-books to light their pipes,
and getting drunk out of the chalice? You would be honestly
shocked at such profanity. Nay, even in the dire exigencies of
war we do not think better of the Germans for having stabled
their horses in one of the French churches and left their
broken beer-bottles on the high altar and the refuse of a
stable strewn up and down the nave. Yet a church is, after all,
only a poor earthly building, built by human hands. But there
is one temple which God has built for Himself, the temple of
man's body; and of that the terrible words are written, and
ever fulfilled, "If any man defile that temple, him will God
destroy." God's great gift of speech is not to be defiled by
dirty talk, by profane language, by lies, or evil speaking. The
organs which are given us for its sustenance are not to be
denied by gluttony and piggishness, either in food or drink.
The boy is not to use any part of his body in defiling ways
which he would be ashamed for his own mother to know of.
To do so is not only to defile, but—with the double
meaning of the Greek word, which we cannot render into
English—to destroy; to weaken his brain-power, which
he wants for his work in life, to weaken his nervous system,
lessening his strength thereby and rendering him less able
to excel in athletics, and often, if carried to excess, in
after-life bringing results which are the very embodiment of
the terrible words, "Him will God destroy." The full force
and bearing of this teaching he may not apprehend. I have
already said that with a young boy the lower appeal never to
do anything that is low and dirty and blackguardly will have
far more practical weight, and will also avoid laying undue
stress on the religious emotions. But I am quite sure that
the Christian teaching of the sanctity of the body must be
laid deep and strong with all the force of early impression
in a boy's inmost being, in order that it may lie ready for
future use when Nature has developed those instincts of
manhood which will teach him its full significance.
If you are an Episcopalian, you will of course find the time
of your boy's confirmation simply invaluable as one of those
turning-points which will enable you to speak, or possibly
write, more unreservedly than is possible on more ordinary
occasions. I would earnestly ask you to give him a little White
Cross confirmation paper called Purity the Guard of
Manhood, a paper which an Eton master pronounced
the best thing he had met with of the kind, and which has
been widely used. Do not rest content with merely giving the
paper in a perfunctory way, but follow it up with a few
living, earnest words of your own.
Of course I should do a wrong to your womanly instincts if I
were to think it necessary to say that the inculcation of
purity must be always in a mother's heart, but only on her lips
on some marked occasions, such as the first going to school,
the last day of the holidays, or when your boy himself gives
the occasion by some question he may ask you, but above all
when he reaches a critical age, when a few words from your own
lips will be worth all the printed pages in the world. Only
ever and always make it an essential element of his idea of
manliness to be pure, and do not forget constantly to couple
the words "brave and pure," or "manly and pure," or "pure and
high character," in his hearing; that he may be endued, not
with that pale, emasculate thing that passes muster for purity
nowadays, which always seems to me chiefly conscious of its own
indecency, full of the old nervous "touch not, taste not,
handle not" spirit, bandaged up with this restriction and that
lest it fall to pieces, and when it comes to saving another
from defilement in body and soul shuffling uneasily into a pair
of lavender kid-gloves and muttering something about its being
"such a very delicate subject"—nay, not
this, but that militant sun-clad power
which Milton dreamed of, rushing down like a sword of God to
smite everything low, and base and impure; a purity as of
mountain water or living fire, whose very nature it is, not
only to be pure itself, but to destroy impurity in
others.
And now let me throw together two or three practical
suggestions, which will probably be superfluous to the most
experienced mothers, but may be useful to younger and more
inexperienced parents.
In the first place, I think there are few of the heads of
the medical profession who would not agree with me that our
English dietary is too stimulating and too abundant. Sir Andrew
Clark certainly held that a large proportion of our diseases
spring from over-eating and over-drinking. I don't suppose that
for a boy it so much matters, as he is eating for "edification"
as well as for sustenance, for the building up of his walls as
well as for the nutrition of his existing frame. But "the boy
is father to the man," and I would ask you not to accustom your
boys to a rich dietary, as the habit once formed will be
prolonged into early manhood, and undoubtedly such stimulating
diet does greatly increase the temptations with which young men
have to contend. It is perfectly unnecessary for the developing
of strength and stature, as is shown by the splendid Scotchmen
who yearly carry off some of our highest university distinctions and
prizes—many of them farmer lads who have scarcely
tasted meat in their boyhood, but have been brought up on
the simple farinaceous food of the country. There was much
force and meaning in the quaint congratulatory telegram sent
by a friend to a Cambridge Senior Wrangler hailing from
Scotland, "Three cheers for the parritge!" And that curious
and most impressive fact which Mr. Bayard, the late American
Ambassador, hunted up for our edification from various
dictionaries of biography—the fact, namely, that a
large proportion of our most eminent men spring from the
homes of the poorer clergy, where certainly sumptuous fare
and much meat do not obtain, is a proof that abstemious
living, while forming a valuable discipline for the soul,
does not injure but promotes the health of the body and the
strength of the brain. Our having given up the religious
uses of fasting I often think is a loss to young men; and it
might, therefore, be as well if we were to imitate our
"Corybantic" brethren, the Salvationists, and institute a
week of self-denial, leaving the children to work out an
economical dietary, with due care on our part that it should
be fairly nutritious, and allowing them to give what they
have saved from the ordinary household expenses to any cause
in which they may be interested. It would give them a
wholesome lesson in self-denial and cheap living; both
lessons much needed in these luxurious days. But
whether this suggestion finds favor or
not, we have always to bear in mind that "plain living" is
the necessary companion of "high thinking"—the lowly
earth-born twin who waits upon her heavenly sister.
On the vexed question of the use of alcohol there was but
one point on which there was a consensus of opinion in the
discussion by our leading medical men, which appeared some
years ago in the pages of the Contemporary Review. The
point upon which they were all agreed was that alcohol is
injurious to children, and if the boy has been accustomed from
his early youth to do without it, and, as he grows up, remains
a total abstainer, there is no question that his abstinence
will prove a great safeguard; though I cannot go as far as some
of my abstaining friends, who seem to regard the use of alcohol
as the root of what must, in the nature of things, be one of
the strongest primal passions of human nature, and therefore
liable to abuse, whether men are total abstainers or not.
Anyhow, though a lad can be trained to strict moderation,
abstinence in both alcohol and tobacco must after a time come
of the lad's own free will; the last thing that answers is to
multiply and enforce restrictions; the rebound is inevitable
and often fatal. But I do say that where there is a great
pinching in the home in order to afford the educational
advantages of school and university, it does show some radical
defect in the training of our boys that they should indulge in such
expensive habits, especially the expensive and wholly
unnecessary habit of smoking, when the dear mother and young
sisters are doing without many a little home comfort in
order to meet the expense of the young rascal's education.
One rich old grandmother whom I met abroad promised each of
her grandsons fifty pounds if they would give up smoking;
and it was marvellous how that stern necessity of doing as
other young men do disappeared like their own tobacco smoke
before the promise of that fifty pounds for their own
pockets! They were all able to claim it one after the other.
If boys were not trained by their mothers to be
systematically selfish, might not the home-claims in the
heart be as strong as those fifty pounds in the pocket?
Secondly, with regard to betting and gambling, which may be
classed with drinking, as the fruitful parent of bad company,
and a descensus ad infernum:—do you not think a
boy may be best guarded against a habit of betting, which is so
likely to lead on to gambling, by taking the same line as a boy
of my acquaintance took with his mother when she was warning
him against it: "Well, mother, you see, it always does seem so
mean to me to get a fellow's money from him without giving him
anything in return; it always does seem so like prigging, and
some of our fellows are awfully hard up, and can't afford to
lose a penny." Mr. Gladstone was evidently of the same opinion
when he once said to his private secretary, Sir
Edward Hamilton, that he "regarded gambling as nothing short
of damnable. What can be the fun of winning other people's
money?" This strikes me as a way of putting it which would
appeal most forcibly to a boy; and if, in addition, we were
to point out to him that, like all shady things, it has a
tendency to grow and sharpen the man into a sharper and
develop the blood-sucking apparatus of a leech, besides
bringing wretchedness and misery on others, he might be led
to resist the first beginnings of a betting habit which may
lead on to gambling in after years.
And here I would say that the absolute absence of any
training given to a boy in the right use and value of money,
which has obtained till lately in our English schools, is
surely suicidal and must lend itself to every form of abuse. I
do not know whether it is the same with you, but many of our
boys know money only in the form of pocket-money, when it
becomes to him a metal token mostly signifying so much "tuck";
becoming, as he grows older, more and more deleterious "tuck"
in the shape of billiards, betting, etc., and ending in a
general going "on tick," which is worse still. But in this
matter we are improving. I think most sensible parents nowadays
place a small sum at their bank to the boy's account, with a
check-book, making him responsible at first for small articles
of clothing, neckties, shirt-collars, etc, and as soon as he
shows himself trustworthy, for all his
expenses except school bills. The boy is expected to keep
accounts, get nothing without first asking the price, and to
bring his receipted bills at the end of the term to his
father, and see that they tally with his foils; and, above
all, always to pay in ready money—unpaid bills being
contemplated in the bald light of shop-lifting. To this I
would add, if possible, the habit of giving the Jewish
tenth, so as to make giving a steady principle, and not a
hap-hazard impulse.
Thirdly, it is a vital point to give your boys interesting
pursuits. There is great force in the rough old saying, "Never
give the devil an empty chair to sit down upon, and you won't
be much troubled with his company." Vice is constantly only
idleness which has turned bad,—idleness being
emphatically a thing that will not keep, but turns rotten. It
is not the great industrial centres of our population that are
chiefly ravaged by vice; it is the fashionable watering-places,
the fashionable quarters of large towns, where idle men
congregate, in which it is a "pestilence that walketh in
darkness," and slays its thousands of young girls. "Empty by
filling," has always been a favorite motto of mine. How many a
young man has been driven to betting, drinking, and the
race-course from the want of something of interest to fill his
unoccupied hours, because more wholesome tastes have never been
developed in him! Of course, tastes must be to a certain
degree inborn, but I am quite sure that
many a taste perishes, like a frost-bitten bud, full of the
promise of blossom and fruit, because it has never been
given the opportunity to develop.
Take a boy's innate love of collecting. Could you not
develop it by the offer of a little prize for the best
collection of dried flowers, of butterflies or insects, of
birds' eggs, even, in some cases, of geological specimens, but,
in any case, with the scientific and common names attached; so
forming a healthy taste for natural history, which may be a
source of perpetual interest and profit in after-life? Do not
let your dislike of destroying life interfere; reverence for
life can be as well, nay, better taught by insisting that only
the necessary specimens should be given of each species, only
one or two eggs taken from the nest, and the nest itself
disturbed as little as possible. Chemistry and electricity also
appeal to a boy's love of experimentizing and of making
electrical contrivances, easily constructed of the commonest
materials. As to hand-work, the lack of which in ill-health has
made so many a man a torment both to himself and others, there
ought to be no difficulty with regard to that. Carpentering,
wood-carving, repoussé-work in metal, bent-iron work, mosaic
work, any of these, except possibly the last, may be set on
foot with very little expense, besides drawing, modelling, etc.
Where there are sufficient means it would be a good thing if
boys were taught, as far as may be, how things
are made and the amount of toil that goes
into the simplest article. I remember giving a small
printing-press to a boy of ours—an excellent gift, by
the by, for a lad, and it can be had for five or six
shillings—and his coming to me soon after with a
match-box in his hand, exclaiming with wonderment, "Why,
auntie, there are six different kinds of type on this
match-box!" If they could learn how to build, how rafters
and joists are put in, and construct as much as a miniature
summer-house in the garden, how useful this being able to
turn their hands to anything might prove to them in their
after-life. And with what added respect they would look upon
all labor if they had never looked upon it as the part of a
"gentleman" to stand aloof from it.
Lastly, but not least, I would plead most earnestly for the
frequent home-letter, should your boy be sent to a
boarding-school. If you would have him resist the temptations
of school life, keep the home as close to his heart and as
present to his mind as you can. Make it your first and
paramount duty to write every day if you can, if not every
other day, at least twice a week.
Do not misunderstand me here. God knows I do not go in for
the devoted mother who thinks of nothing but her boys and to
whom the whole world besides is nothing but an empty flourish
of the pen about their names. Such mothers are like Chinese
teacups, with no perspective and everything out of
proportion; where the Mandarin is as big as the Pagoda, and
suffers from a pathetic inability to get in at his own door.
You must see things in moral perspective in order to train
character on large and noble lines. And it is from the rough
quarry of the outside world, with its suffering and sin,
that you must fetch the most precious stones for the
building up of true manhood or womanhood. The sooner
children are taught that their small concerns must be
subordinated at times to the needs of the sick, the poor,
and the suffering, the better for them. For a mother,
therefore, to undertake some outside work may and
will prove the best element in their education, enabling
them in their turn to live in relation with the world in
which God has placed them and do their part in the service
of humanity.
All that I mean is, do not so crowd your life with outside
work or social engagements as to have no time to spare for this
daily or at least bi-weekly letter to the boys at school. Bear
in mind that the most important work you can do for the world
is the formation of noble character, building it up stone by
stone as you alone can do. Do not be too busy to make yourself
your boy's friend and throw yourself heartily into all that
interests him. I have known philanthropic mothers to whom
cricket was nothing but an unmeaning scurrying backwards and
forwards, and who scarcely knew the stern of a boat from its
bows!
And what a liberal education a mother's
home-letters to her boys at school might be made! The
stirring incident in the newspapers, the fine passage in the
book, a verse or two of a noble poem, as well as all the
loving thought and prayer that is for ever flying like
homing birds to the dear absent lads, and the inculcation of
all things lovely and pure and manly, brightened by home
jokes and the health of the last cherished pet—all
these things might go to make up the home letters. Above
all, what an opportunity it would give for pleading the
cause of the little chaps who, by some strange insanity
working in the brain of the British parent, are sent into
the rough world of a large school when they are fitter for
the nursery, and whom you might appeal to your boys to look
after and protect, so far as they are able; and not only
these, but to side with every boy who is being bullied for
acting up to his conscience or because he has not the pluck
to stand up for himself.
In conclusion, I would earnestly ask you to believe in your
own power when united to the knowledge which is necessary to
direct it. "A man is what a woman makes him," says the old saw.
Look back upon the men you have known who have been touched to
finest issues, and you will find, with few exceptions, that
they are the shaping of a noble woman's hands—a noble
mother, a noble wife, a noble sister. Doubt not, but earnestly
believe that with those wonderful shaping hands of yours you can mould that boy of
yours into the manhood of Sir Galahad, "whose strength was
as the strength of ten because his heart was pure"; that you
can send him forth into the world like King Arthur, of whom
our own poet, Spenser, says, that the poorest, the most
unprotected girl could feel that
"All the while he by his side her
bore
She was as safe as
in a sanctuary."
Nay, may I not go further still and say that by the grace of
God you can send him forth "made of a woman" in the image of
the strong and tender Manhood of Jesus Christ, to Whom even the
poor lost girls out of the street could come and know that here
was a Man who would not drag them down, but lift them up;
believing in Whom, clinging to Whom, trusting in Whom, they
grew no longer lost and degraded, but splendid saints of the
Christian Church.