Who has not read Vivian Grey, in five broad-margined
volumes, with space enough between each line to allow the
indulgence of a nap, when the poppy of the author
predominated? Affectation, foppery, and conceit, have
protracted the memoirs of this renowned personage to such an
extent; but in spite of all that unfashionable critics have
said, Vivian Grey has just produced a volume under the title
of the Voyage of Captain Popanilla, with as much of
the aforesaid qualities as the most listless drawing-room or
boudoir reader could require. Nevertheless, "the voyage" has
many touches of wit, humour, and caustic satire, and it has
the soul and characteristic of wit—brevity; for
we read the volume in little more than an hour; and, although
Vivian may regard our analysis of his voyage like showing the
sun with a lantern, we are disposed to venture upon the task
for the gratification of our readers.
To say that Popanilla resembles Swift's "Tale of a Tub," or
Sir Thomas More's "Utopia," would be an advantageous
comparison for our modern voyager, but it would not
sufficiently illustrate the character of his work, since the
latter books are so much less read than talked of. Swift
wrote "for the universal improvement of mankind," but
Popanilla publishes for the benefit of the people of England,
whom he represents as living in a too artificial state. He
tells his story as the native of an Indian isle, whose men
combine "the vivacity of a faun with the strength of a
Hercules, and the beauty of an Adonis," and whose women
"magically sprung from the brilliant foam of that ocean,
which is gradually subsiding before them." This favoured spot
he calls the Isle of Fantaisie, about the shores of
which appears a remarkable fish, or rather a ship, to the no
small terror of the islanders. The ship is wrecked, and
Popanilla "having in his fright, during the storm, lost a
lock of hair which, in a moment of glorious favour, he had
ravished from his fair mistress' brow," is next introduced in
search of this precious bijou. "The favourite of all
the women, the envy of all the men, &c. &c,
and—you know the rest,—Popanilla passed an
extremely pleasant life. No one was a better judge of
wine—no one had a better taste for fruit—no one
danced with more elegant vivacity—and no one whispered
compliments in a more meaning tone. What a pity that such an
amiable fellow should have got into such a
scrape!"
Instead of the dear lock, Popanilla finds a chest saved from
the wreck, and filled with "Useful Knowledge Tracts," books
on "the Hamiltonian system," &c. which our adventurer,
like Faustus and his bible, turns to bad account; he falls
asleep, is swallowed by a whale, and spouted forth again.
"The dreamer awoke amidst real chattering, and scuffling, and
clamour. A troop of green monkeys had been aroused by his
unusual occupation, and had taken the opportunity of his
slumber to become acquainted with some of the first
principles of science. What progress they had made it is
difficult to ascertain. It is said, however, that some
monkeys have been since seen skipping about the island, with
their tails cut off; and that they have even succeeded in
passing themselves for human beings among those people who do
not read novels, and are consequently unacquainted with
mankind. As for Popanilla, he took up a treatise on
hydrostatics, and read it straight through on the spot. For
the rest of the day he was hydrostatically mad; nor could the
commonest incident connected with the action or conveyance of
water take place, without his speculating on its cause and
consequence." So much for the first steps of "intellect;" now
for the "march." Popanilla soon becomes a man of science: his
wit flies off in tangents, and he tries to prove his
sovereign a lantern, and himself a sun,10
by undertaking to re-shape all the institutions of Fantaisie.
Then follow a string of dogmas about utility, &c.; and
man being a developing animal, till he decides that
"there is no such thing as Nature; Nature is Art, or Art is
Nature; that which is most useful is most natural, because
utility is the test of Nature; therefore, a steam-engine is
in fact a much more natural production than a mountain."
Here, observing a smile upon his majesty's countenance,
Popanilla tells the king that he is only a chief magistrate,
and he has no more right to laugh at him than a constable.
This is "too bad" for the royal mind; Popanilla is cut;
rather crest-fallen, he sneaks home, and consoles himself for
having nobody to speak to, by reading some very amusing
"Conversations on Political Economy." But he sinks to rise
again. He obtains many pupils, who had no sooner mastered the
first principles of science, than they began to throw off
their retired habits and uncommunicative manners. "Being not
utterly ignorant of some of the rudiments of knowledge, and
consequently having completed their education, it was now
their duty, as members of society, to instruct and not to
study; and on all occasions they seized opportunities of
assisting the spread of knowledge. The voices of boys
lecturing upon every lecturable topic, resounded in every
part of the island. Their tones were so shrill, their manners
so presuming, their knowledge so crude, and their general
demeanour so completely unamiable, that it was impossible to
hear them without the greatest, delight, advantage, and
admiration." The king at last becomes impregnated with the
liberal spirit of the age; Popanilla is "sent for" to court;
he is overpowered with promotion, told that "with the aid of
a treatise or two," he will make "a consummate naval
commander," although he has "never been at sea in the whole
course of his life," and at length thrust into a canoe, with
some fresh water, bread, fruit, dried fish, and a basket of
alligator pears. "Unhappy Popanilla! and all from that
unlucky lock of hair!" His fright is ludicrously sketched.
"Poor fellow! how could he know better? He certainly had
enjoyed a seat at the Admiralty Board of Fantaisie, but then
he was a lay-lord." Among his discoveries, on the second day,
at 25 m. past 3 p.m., though at a considerable distance, he
saw a mountain and an island: he called the first Alligator
Mountain, in gratitude to the pears; and christened the
second after his mistress; but the happy discoverer further
found the mountain to be a mist, and the island a sea-weed.
At length, on the third day, after being in a valley formed
by two waves, each 3,000 feet high, and in as tremendous a
tempest as ever raged in Chelsea or Battersea-reach, "great,
square and solid, black clouds drew off like curtains, and
revealed to him a magnificent city rising out of the sea.
Tower and dome, arch, and column, and spire, and obelisk, and
lofty terraces, and many-windowed palaces, rose in all
directions from a mass of building, which appeared each
instant to grow more huge, till at length it seemed to occupy
the whole horizon." On his landing he is pestered with
questions from the natives; but, thanks to the Hamiltonian
system, "Popanilla, under these circumstances, was more
loquacious than could have been Capt. Parry." He announces
himself as the "most injured of human beings;" the women
weep, the men shake hands with him, and all the boys huzza:
he then narrates his ill-fortunes at Fantaisie, not
forgetting the never-enough-to-be-lamented lock of hair.
Other danger awaits him, for "to be strangled was not much
better than to be starved; and certainly with
half a dozen highly respectable females clinging round his
neck, he was not reminded, for the first time in his life,
what a domestic bowstring is an affectionate woman." He is
next joined by an "influential personage," who informs him
that he is in Hubbabub (London)—the largest
city, not only that exists, but that ever did exist, and the
capital of the Island of Vraibleusia, the most famous
island, not only that is known, but that ever was known. "He
provides himself with a purse, and exchanges his money with a
banker, who offers him during his stay in Vraibleusia, the
use of a couple of equipages, a villa, an opera box; insists
upon sending to his hotel some pineapples and very rare wine;
and gives him a perpetual ticket to his picture-gallery.
Popanilla leaves his gold and takes the banker's pink shells,
for "no genteel person has ever anything else in his pocket."
Then follow some quips on the shell question (currency), and
Mr. Secretary Perriwinkle, the most eminent conchologist, and
the "debt" of the richest nation in the world; although, "a
golden pyramid, with a base as big as the whole earth and an
apex touching the heavens, would not supply sufficient metal
to satisfy the creditors." "The annual interest upon our debt
exceeds the whole wealth of the rest of the world; therefore
we must be the richest nation in the world."
Our traveller being now settled at a splendid hotel in
Hubbabub, Skindeep, his "gentleman in black," drives him
about the city in an elegant equipage. The western migrations
of fashion are humorously sketched, and the architecture of
our metropolis comes in for a share of the author's banter.
"In general, the massy Egyptian appropriately graced the
attic stories; while the finer and more elaborate
architecture of Corinth was placed on a level with the eye,
so that its beauties might be more easily discovered.
Spacious colonnades were flanked by porticoes, surmounted by
domes; nor was the number of columns at all limited, for you
occasionally met with porticoes of two tiers, the lower one
of which consisted of three, the higher one of thirty
columns. Pedestals of the purest Ionic Gothic, were
ingeniously mixed with Palladian pediments; and the surging
spire exquisitely harmonized with the horizontal architecture
of the ancients. But, perhaps, after all, the most charming
effect was produced by the pyramids, surmounted by
weathercocks."
A lively sketch of "the aboriginal inhabitant" introduces
some smart satire on the agriculturists, and proves that,
"between force, and fear, and flattery, the Vraibleusians
paid for their corn nearly its weight in gold; but what did
it signify to a nation with so many pink shells." Popanilla
is next introduced to an eminent bookseller, who craves the
honour of publishing a narrative of his voyage: he informs
the "mercantile Mecaenas" that he does not know how to write;
who replies that "he never had for a moment supposed that so
sublime a savage could possess such a vulgar accomplishment,
and that it was by no means difficult for a man to publish
his travels without writing a line." This is a stale affair;
but Popanilla's drinking a dozen of the bookseller's wine
smacks more of novelty. His voyage is published, and contains
a detailed account of every thing which took place during the
whole of the three days, forming a quarto volume! Then we
have a shower of squibs on converzazioni—as
dukes imbibing a new theory of gas, a prime-minister studying
pinmaking, a bishop the escapements of watches, a
field-marshal intent on essence of hellebore. "But what most
delighted Popanilla was hearing a lecture from the most
eminent lawyer and statesman in Vraibleusia, on his first and
favourite study of hydrostatics. His associations quite
overcame him; all Fantaisie rushed upon his memory, and he
was obliged to retire to a less frequented part of the room,
to relieve his too excited feelings." The hostess too
declares it "impossible for mankind ever to be happy and
great, until, like herself and her friends," her company are
"all soul!"
Popanilla is now constituted ambassador from Fantaisie, and
goes through all the courtly scenes of diplomacy, for which
we have not room; but their gist will be readily understood
among the stars of St. James's, especially the authors
allusions to Navarino and the late ministry, which are in
good set terms. The "Aboriginal," too, tells Popanilla "some
long stories about a person who was chief manager, about five
hundred years ago, to whom he said he was indebted for all
his political principles."
During Popanilla's sight-seeing career, he, of course, visits
our theatres, and a tolerably broad caricature he gives of
them. "To sit in a huge room hotter than a glass-house, in a
posture emulating the most sanctified Faquir, with a
throbbing head-ache, a breaking back, and twisted legs, with
a heavy tube held over one eye, and the other covered with
the unemployed hand, is, in Vraibleusia, called a public
amusement." In one morning's lionizing, too, he acquires "a
general knowledge of the chief arts and sciences, eats three
hundred sandwiches, and tastes as many bottles of
sherry."
The frauds and fooleries of the joint stock company mania
are, perhaps, among the least successful portion of the
volume. The "literature" is somewhat better, as the
establishment of a "Society for the Diffusion of Fashionable
Knowledge"—its first treatise,
Nonchalance—dissertations "on leaving cards," "cutting
friends," "on bores," &c.—and a new novel called
"Burlington"—the last a scratch at Popanilla's
publisher. The "Clubs" are next recommended for those fond of
solitude, and their satin luxuries humorously quizzed; but
"the Colonial System," which follows, has more causticity.
Popanilla, like all other great foreigners who visit England,
falls ill; his disorder is "unquestionably nervous;" he is to
count five between each word he utters, never ask questions,
and avoid society, and only dine out once a day. This regimen
brings on a slow fever; but his disorder is neither "liver,"
nor "nervous," but "mind." He next falls in with an Essay on
Fruit, from which he learns that thousands of the
Vraibleusians are dying with dyspepsia from eating
pine-apples, which are denounced as "stupid, sour, and
vulgar."
Popanilla is ordered by his physician to Blunderland, where
the women are "angelic," and the men "the most light-hearted,
merry, obliging, entertaining fellows;" and where "instead of
knives and forks being laid for the guests at dinner, the
plates are flanked by daggers and pistols." A "row" springs
up; "all the guests lay lifeless about the room;" "Popanilla
rang the bell, and the waiters swept away the dead bodies,
and brought him a roasted potato for supper." He next
enjoys the pleasures of the chase, and in revenge for a sharp
fire, "burns two villages, slays 2 or 300 head of women, and
bags children without number;" and in the evening Popanilla's
powers of digestion are improved. He now returns to
Vraibleusia, where all are panic-struck, and his
friend, the banker, unlike his "perpetual ticket," has
stopped payment, and all our traveller's resources. Popanilla
consoles him with the joke that "things were not quite so bad
as they appeared," till they get worse, by two gentlemen in
blue, with red waistcoats, arresting the ambassador for high
treason. This completes his "amusements." He fears "confined
cells, overwhelming fetters, black bread, and green water, in
the principal gaol in Hubbabub;" but becomes ensconced in
Leigh Hunt's "elegantly furnished apartment, with French
sash-windows and a piano. Its lofty walls were entirely hung
with a fanciful paper, representing a Tuscan vineyard; the
ceiling was covered with sky and clouds; roses were in
abundance; and the windows, though well secured, excited no
jarring associations in the mind of the individual they
illumined, protected as they were by polished bars of
cut-steel."
"Next to being a plenipotentiary, Popanilla preferred being a
prisoner. His daily meals consisted of every delicacy in
season; a marble bath was ever at his service; a
billiard-room and dumb-bells always ready; and his old
friends, the most eminent physician, and the most celebrated
practitioner in Hubbabub, called upon him daily to feel his
pulse and look at his tongue. These attentions authorized a
hope that he might yet again be an ambassador; that his
native land might still be discovered, and its resources
still be developed; but when his gaoler told him that the
rest of the prisoners were treated in a manner equally
indulgent, because the Vraibleusians are the most humane
people in the world, Popanilla's spirits became somewhat
depressed."
"He was greatly consoled, however, by a daily visit from a
body of the most beautiful, the most accomplished, and the
most virtuous females in Hubbabub, who tasted his food to see
that his cook did his duty, recommended him a plentiful use
of pine-apple well peppered, and made him a present of a very
handsome shirt, with worked frills and ruffles, to be hanged
in. This enchanting committee generally confined their
attentions to murderers, and other victims of the passions,
who were deserted in their hour of need by the rest of the
society they had outraged; but Popanilla being a foreigner, a
prince, and a plenipotentiary, and not ill-looking, naturally
attracted a great deal of notice from those who desire the
amelioration of their species."
"Popanilla was so pleased with his mode of life, and had
acquired such a taste for poetry, pine-apples, and pepper,
since he had ceased to be an active member of society, that
he applied to have his trial postponed, on the ground of the
prejudice which had been excited against him by the public
press. As his trial was at present inconvenient to the
government, the postponement was allowed on these grounds."
In the meantime, up jumps a public instructor, Flummery Flam,
who ascribes all the debt and distress to "a slight
over-trading," chatters about demand, supply, rent, wages,
profit, and, as a temporary relief, suggests "emigration."
"Flummery-Flammism triumphs, and every person, from the
managers down to the chalk-chewing mechanics, attend lectures
on that enlightening science."
At length Popanilla's trial comes on; the indictment is read;
he is accused of stealing 219 camelopards; perceives that he
has all the time been mistaken for another person: he is,
however, detained, on the judge of Fort Jobation informing
him, that in order to be tried in his court for a modern
offence of high treason, he must first be introduced by
fiction of law as a stealer of camelopards, and then being
in praesenti regio, in a manner, the business proceeds
by a special power for an absolute offence. This flummery is
too much; but every body with whom Popanilla had conversed
while in Vraibleusia is subpoenaed against him: the judge is
about to sum up, when a trumpet sounds, and a government
messenger presents a scroll, and informs him, that a
remarkably clever young man, recently appointed one of the
managers, had last night consolidated all the edicts into a
single act. The judge then compliments the young
consolidator, compared to whom, he said, Justinian was a
country attorney. Popanilla is found "not guilty, and kicked
out of court, amidst the hootings of the mob, without a stain
upon his reputation." He then falls senseless on the steps of
the Asiatic club-house, is recovered by the smell of
mulligatawney soup, and moralizes till he perceives "it is
possible for a nation to exist in too artificial a state." He
then sees the opposite house lit up, and the words
"Emigration Committee" written on a transparent blind. He
enters, finds the last Emigration squadron is about to sail
in a few minutes; is presented with a spade, blanket, and
hard biscuit, and quits the port of Hubbabub: what became of
him will "probably be discovered, if ever we obtain
'Popanilla's' second voyage"—and thus shuts to the
scene.
Here, gentle reader, you have the Captain's fun and
badinage on all the wonderful wonders of
Hubbabub—videlicet this wonderful town. They may
serve to while away some of the ennui of this season
of roast, bake, and broil, or be read aloud during the halt
of the "march of intellect" men. There are the principal
incidents of his voyage; if you wish to see them expanded,
consult the book itself—that is if you are gratified
with our abstract—if the reverse, let well alone, lest
you find it, like ceremony, "a penny-worth of spirit in a
glass of water." But recollect, Popanilla's adventures have
already been published in quarto.