Miracles do not happen, nor do sudden conversions. Man very rarely
changes. What he is at the beginning, he is at the end; all that occurs
is that at various stages of his journey he looks at life from a
different point of view, or rather through a different pair of
spectacles, for never on this earth do we really see things as they are.
When Gordon found new influences at work upon him, when he discovered
through literature that there is something higher than the ignoble
monotony of the average individual routine, he did not suddenly change
his whole way of life, and, "like a swimmer into cleanness leaping," put
out of sight behind him the things that had pleased him once. Right and
wrong are merely relative terms. What was considered right in the days
of Cæsar spells social ostracism to-day. And there are a few who prefer
to see life as the Romans saw it, and to follow the ideals of power and
physical beauty. For such life is not easy. Yet we are not so much
better than "when Cæsar Augustus was Egypt's Lord!" The question of what
is really right and what is really wrong will never be satisfactorily
decided, on this earth at any rate, for we cannot all wear the same
spectacles for long. Temperament is all-powerful.
And Gordon made no attempt to settle the question. He did not suddenly
feel a loathing for his former pleasures, but during the long summer
holidays, as he bathed in the waters of English poetry, it seemed to him
as if he had outgrown them, and cast them aside. Perhaps in the future
they might momentarily appear beautiful once more, but he did not think
that he would ever again wear them for very long, for they were, after
all, little, insignificant, trivial, and contrasted poorly with the
white heat of Byron's passion, and the flaming ardour of Swinburne, that
cried for "the old kingdoms of earth and their kings." As he read on,
while the summer sun sank in a red sea behind the gaunt Hampstead firs,
read of the proud, domineering soul of Manfred, visualised the burst of
passion that had prompted the murder in The Last Confession, felt the
thundering paganism of the Hymn to Proserpine, he was overcome with a
tremendous hatred for the system that had kept literature from him as a
shut book, that had offered him mature philosophy instead of colour and
youth, and tried to prevent him from seeking it for himself. So this is
the way, he thought, the youth of England is being brought up. Masters
tell us to fix all our energies on achieving school successes, and think
of calf-bound prizes and tasselled caps all day long. No wonder that, if
they bind us down to trivial things, we become like the Man with the
Muck-Rake, and drift on with low aims, with nothing to help us to live
differently from cattle. No wonder the whole common room is repeatedly
shocked by the discovery of some sordid scandal.
Gordon's soul was very arrogant and very intolerant, and it was rather
unfortunate that, at a time when he was bubbling over with rebellion,
Arnold Lunn's novel, The Harrovians, should have been published, as no
previous school story had done it stripped school life of sentiment, and
a storm of adverse criticism broke out. Old Harrovians wrote to the
papers, saying that they had been at Harrow for six years, and that the
conversation was, except in a few ignoble exceptions, pure and manly,
and that the general atmosphere was one of clean, healthy
broadmindedness. Gordon fumed. What fools all these people were! When
they were told the truth, they would not believe it. Prophets must
prophesy smooth things, or else were not prophets. How was there ever
going to be any hope of improvement till the true state of affairs was
understood?
And then a sudden doubt came to Gordon. What if these old Harrovians
were right? What if this man Lunn had depicted the life of the
exceptional, not of the average boy? What then of Fernhurst? He had
judged the book by his own experiences. Was it possible that his school
was worse than other schools, and what was usual there, would be
exceptional at Rugby, Eton and Winchester? He had been so proud of
Fernhurst, with its grey cloisters and dreaming Abbey, with its
magnificent Fifteen and fine boxers. He had cursed at the Public School
system because he thought it had done harm to Fernhurst. What if
Fernhurst and not the system were at fault? For several days this
worried him.
One evening, however, during the last week of the holidays, a Mr Ainslie
came to dinner. He had been a contemporary of Lunn's at Harrow, and had
himself been head of his house for two years. The conversation had
drifted to a discussion of recent books: The Woman Thou Gavest Me,
Sinister Street, The Devil's Garden, Round the Corner.
"By the way, Gordon," said Ainslie, "read that book, The Harrovians?"
"Oh yes, sir."
"What did you think of it?"
"I liked it very much—thought it was the finest school story I had ever
read." Gordon felt rather nervous. He was aware that he was on thin ice,
and timidly blurted out: "But, sir, was it true to Harrow life?"
"Absolutely; and it's as true to the life of any other Public School.
They are all much the same, you know, at the root."
An immense weight was lifted from Gordon's mind.
"I thought so, sir, but such a lot of fellows wrote to the papers saying
it was all rot, and I began to wonder if——"
"My dear Gordon, don't you make any mistake about it. Lunn knows what he
is talking about. But old Public School men shroud their school life in
a mist of sentiment; so they forget what they really did. All they
remember is how they ragged the 'stinks' master, and pulled off the
Senior cricket cup. Why, when that new house master—oh, what's his
name, Lee? Well, at any rate, when he came to Lunn's house he was slowly
getting rid of undesirables for terms, actually for terms. Cayley was
not the only one who had to go, and, of course, no one thought of
anything but games. I got a schol. there from my prep., and I literally
had to live it down. It took me some time, too. We want a good deal of
improvement in this rusty old system."
So after all it was the system that was at fault, not Fernhurst....
Fairly contentedly he went back by the three-thirty from Waterloo; but
as he saw the evening sun steeping the gravel courts in shadows, and
watched the lights flickering behind the study panes, it came home to
him with a poignant vividness that Fernhurst, which should have been a
home of dreams and of ideas, had, by the inefficiency of a vacillating
system, become immersed in petty intrigues, and was filled with a
generation that was being taught to blind itself to the higher issues.
But in a moment he was caught up in the tear and bustle of an opening
term. There was the rush to the notice-board to see what dormitory he
was in, who were the prefects; then the hurried interview with the
Chief, and the inevitable Health certificate. The meeting of the
eight-ten from Exeter; prayers; the arrival of the last train; and
finally sleep. The hold of tradition is very strong; in a few moments
Gordon had flung aside his doubts and scruples. Arm-in-arm with Collins
he rolled down to the day-room to look at the new boys. There were
twelve of them in all, very frightened, very timid, huddled round the
day-room fire, wondering what was before them.
"Well, Caruthers, what do you think of that lot?" said Collins, as they
swaggered back again to the studies.
"Oh, not much; that fellow second from the left was not bad. What's his
name, oh yes, Morcombe. Believe me, he is some stuff."
"Oh, I thought him rather a washed-out specimen, but, I say, that fat
fellow looks rather a sport. You know, the man like a dormouse."
"Oh yes, that podgy lad. Morgan, he is Welsh, I know about him. He was
captain of the prep, last year at football—not a bad forward, I
believe. Oh, but there's Lovelace—Lovelace."
"Hullo, Caruthers."
In a huge brown coat, Lovelace charged across from the porter's lodge.
"Had any cricket? What price Middlesex—below Hants, rotten county—you
should watch Leicester now."
"Oh, dry up, Middlesex has had bad luck this year." The defeat at Lord's
by Worcester and Kent in the same week was a sore point with Gordon.
"Oh, did they? I call them rotten players. But, look here, who are
pres?"
"Oh, Tester, Betteridge, Clarke, Mansell, all the whole crowd."
"Good God, 'some' pres! Wait a sec. for me. I am only going to see Chief
for a second. I am going to get confirmed, I think. I heard you get off
some work for it. Half a sec."
Back to the old life again. Nothing was changed. The same talk, the same
interests, all the old things the same. Only he was altered. He felt as
if he wanted to stand on the Abbey tower, and shout aloud that the
School was wasting its opportunities, and was struggling blindly in the
dark, following will-o'-the-wisps. And yet, for all that, he would not
have Lovelace, or Mansell or any other of his friends the least bit
different. He did not know what he wanted. It was better to let them go
on as they were. As it had been, it would be. He could not do much, and
at the moment he decided that, whatever he might think or feel, he would
outwardly remain the same. The world was not going to look at his soul.
He would go on as he had begun, putting things behind him as he outgrew
them, and as they appeared childish to him. Only a very few should ever
see him as he really was. The rest would not understand him, they would
think him strange, unnatural; and he did not want that.
The first few days passed quickly. The entrance of Ferrers, the new
master, into the placid Fernhurst atmosphere caused a mild sensation.
The school first saw him walking across the courts after the masters'
meeting on the first day of term. His walk was a roll; he talked at the
top of his voice; his left arm sustained a pile of books; his right arm
gesticulated wildly.
"Good Gawd," said Tester, "what a bounder."
"Maybe, but he's the sort of man to wake up the school," said
Betteridge.
"Isn't it rather like applying a stomach-pump to a man who is only fit
for a small dose of Eno's Fruit Salt?"
"Nous verrons."
And in the bustle of a new term Ferrers was forgotten.
Gordon was in the Sixth, and its privileges were indeed sweet. He felt
very proud as he sat in the same room with Harding, a double-first, and
head of the House, and with Hazelton, the captain of the House. Though
it was an ordeal to go on to "con" before them, it was very magnificent
to roll down to the football field just before the game began without
attending roll.
"I say, Caruthers," Lovelace would yell across the changing-room, "do
buck up; it's nearly twenty-five to three, and roll is at a quarter to."
"I don't go to roll," came the lordly answer.
And he felt the eyes of admiring juniors fixed on him. It was sheer joy,
too, to wear the blue ribbon of the Sixth Form and to carry a
walking-stick; to stroll into shops that were to the rest of the school
out of bounds; to go to the armoury and the gym. after tea without a
pass. But it was in hall that the new position meant most.
While the rest of the house had to stay in their studies and make some
pretence of work, he would wander indolently down the passage and pay
calls. When he paused outside a study he heard the invariable sound of a
novel flying into the waste-paper basket, of a paper being shoved under
the table, or a cake being relegated to the window-seat. Then he came
in.
A curse always greeted him.
"Oh, damn you, Caruthers, I thought it was a prefect. Foster, hoist out
that cake; we were just having a meal."
He now had the freedom of studies that had before been to him as holy
places. Where once Clarke had dealt out justice with a heavy hand,
Tester and he sat before the fire discussing books and life. In the
games study, where once he trembled before the rage of Lovelace major,
he sat with Carter in hall preparing Thucydides. Steps would sound down
the passage, a knock on the door.
"Come in," bawled Carter.
"Please, Carter, may I speak to Smith?" a nervous voice would say. No
one could talk without leave from a prefect during hall.
"Yes; and shut the outer door," Carter answered, without looking round.
The prefectorial dignity seemed in a way to descend on Gordon; just then
life was very good. But there were times when he would feel an
uncontrollable impatience with the regime under which he lived. One of
these was on the second Sunday of term. It was Rogers' turn to preach,
and, as always, Gordon prepared himself for a twenty minutes' sleep till
the outburst of egoistic rhetoric was spent. But this time, about
half-way through, a few phrases floated through his mist of dreams and
caught his attention. Rogers was talking about the impending
confirmation service. With one hand on the lectern and the other
brandishing his pince-nez, as was his custom when he intended to be more
than usually impressive, he began the really vital part of the sermon.
"In the holidays there appeared as, I am sorry to say, I expect some of
you saw, a book pretending to deal with life at one of our largest
Public Schools. I say, pretending, because the book contains hardly a
word of truth. The writer says that the boys are callous about religious
questions and discuss matters which only grown-up people should mention
in the privacy of their own studies, and still more serious, the purport
of the book was to attack not only the boys but even the masters who so
nobly endeavour to inculcate living ideas of purity and Christianity. I
am only too well aware when I look round this chapel to-night—this
chapel made sacred by so many memories—that nearly every word of that
accusation is false. Yet perhaps there are times—in our mirth, shall we
say?—when we are engaged in sport, or genial merriment, when we are
inclined to treat sacred matters not with quite that reverence that we
ought. Perhaps——"
Rogers prosed on, epithet followed epithet, egotism and arrogance vied
with one another for predominance. The school lolled back in the oak
seats and dreamt of house matches, rags, impositions, impending rows. At
last the Chief gave out the final hymn. Into the cloisters the school
poured out, hustling, shouting, a stream of shadows. Contentedly Rogers
went back to his house, ate a large meal, and addressed a little homily
to the confirmation candidates in his house on the virtues of sincerity.
"What a pitiable state of mind old 'Bogus' must be in," sighed Tester,
when the scurry of feet along the passage had died down kind of quiet,
and he and Gordon were sitting in front of a typically huge School House
fire.
"I don't think I should call it a mind at all," muttered Gordon, who was
furious about the whole affair. "The man's an utter fool. When he is
told the truth he won't believe it, but stands there in the pulpit
rambling on, airing his rotten opinions. Good God, and that's the sort
of man who is supposed to be moulding the coming generation. Oh, it's
sickening."
"Well, my good boy, what more can you expect? The really brilliant men
don't take up schoolmastering; it is the worst paid profession there is.
Look at it, a man with a double-first at Oxford comes down to a place
like Fernhurst and sweats his guts out day and night for two hundred
pounds a year. Of course, the big men try for better things. Rogers is
just the sort of fool who would be a schoolmaster. He has got no brain,
no intellect, he loves jawing, and nothing could be more suitable for
him than the Third Form, the pulpit, and a commission in the O.T.C. But
perhaps he may have a few merits. I have not found any yet."
"Nor I. But, you know, some good men take up schoolmastering."
"Oh, of course they do. There is the Chief, for instance, a brilliant
scholar and the authority on Coleridge. But he is an exception; and
besides, he did not stop an assistant master long; he got a
headmastership pretty soon. Chief is a splendid fellow. But I am talking
of the average man. Just look at our staff: a more fatuous set of fools
I never struck. All in a groove, all worshipping the same rotten tin
gods. I am always repeating myself, but I can't help it. Damn them all,
I say, they've mucked up my life pretty well; not one of them has tried
to help me. They sit round the common room fire and gas. Betteridge
swears Ferrers is a wonderful man; personally, I think he is an
unmitigated nuisance. But at any rate, he is the only man who ever
thinks for himself. Oh, what fools they all are."
For the rest of the evening Gordon and Tester cursed and swore at
everyone and everything, and on the whole felt better for having got it
off their chests. At any rate, next day Gordon was plotting a rag on an
enormous scale with Archie Fletcher; and in a House game assisted in the
severe routing of Rogers' house by seventy-eight points to nil. It takes
a good deal to upset a boy of fifteen for very long. And the long
evenings were a supreme happiness.
It must be owned that during hall Lovelace was rather unsociable. It was
not that he studied Greek or Latin; he had a healthy contempt for
scholastic triumphs; horse-racing was the real interest of his life.
"This is my work," he used to scoff, brandishing The Sportsman in
Gordon's face. "I am not going to be a classic scholar, and I sha'n't
discover any new element, or such stuff as that. I am going on the turf.
This is my work."
For an hour every evening he laboured perseveringly at "his work" with
form books, The Sportsman, and huge account books. For every single
race he chose the runners, and laid imaginary bets; each night he made
out how much he had lost or made; and it must be confessed that if he
had really laid money on the horses, he would most certainly have done a
good term's work. By Christmas he was one hundred and seventeen pounds
up. This pursuit, of course, rather militated against his activities in
the class-room; but, as he said, "It was only Claremont, the old
Methuselah—and they had a damned good crib." Lovelace did his work from
seven to eight, and during this time Caruthers, who seemed to be in the
happy condition of never having any work to do at all, wandered round
the studies. And during his peregrinations many who had been to him
before merely units in a vast organisation detached themselves from the
rest, and became to him living characters; especially was this so with
Foster. He had played with Foster for two years in the Colts and in A-K
sides, but there had never been anything in common between them; their
interests had been far apart; neither stood for anything to the other.
But now, when Gordon found himself frequently dropping into Foster's
study for half-an-hour or so, he realised how many qualities Foster had.
Foster was strong-willed, obstinate almost, quite regardless of
tradition, in his own way slightly a rebel, and a past master in the art
of deceiving masters. There are two ways of making a master look a fool:
one is by introducing processions and coloured mice; the other by bowing
before him, making him think you are hard-working and industrious, and
all the while laughing at him behind his back. Gordon preferred the
former, because he had the love of battle; but Foster held to the second
method, in its way equally effective, and anyone who shook a spear
against authority was sure of sympathy from Gordon.
It was a great sight to see Foster bamboozle Claremont. With the
greatest regularity Foster was ploughed in his con., failed to score in
Latin prose, and knew nothing of his rep. And yet he never got an
imposition. He would point out how hard he worked; he often stayed
behind after school for a few seconds to ask Claremont a point in the
unseen. Such keenness was unusual, and Claremont could not connect it
with the slovenly productions that he had learnt to associate with the
name of Foster. For a long time it was a vast enigma. At half term
Foster's report consisted of one word, typically
Claremontian—"Inscrutable." But manners always win in the end. Foster
showed so much zeal, such an honest willingness to learn, that Claremont
finally classed him as a hard-working, keen, friendly, but amazingly
stupid boy. The Army class, which Foster honoured with his presence,
always did Latin and English with Claremont, and for over two years
Foster sat at the back of Claremont's room, scoring marks by singles
when others scored by tens. Yet his reports were invariably good; he
never had an imposition; he never needed to prepare a line of anything.
"Well, Foster," Claremont used to say, as he returned a prose entirely
besmirched with blue pencil, "I believe you really try, but the result
is most disheartening."
Foster always looked profoundly distressed; and at the end of the hour
he would go up, prose in hand, and ask why the subject of an active verb
could not be in the ablative. Two minutes later he would emerge with a
broad grin on his face, and murmur to whoever might be near that
Claremont was "a most damnable ass, but none the less a pleasant
creature." And in the evening hall he and Gordon would discuss how one
or other of them had advanced a step further into the enemy's country,
and taken one more pawn in the gigantic game of bluff. They were both in
their own fashion working to the same end.
But at this point the serene calm of Gordon's life was suddenly rudely
interrupted by an incursion on the part of "the Bull." About three weeks
after the term had begun the Colts played their first game, and like
most sides at the beginning of a season, they were terribly
disorganised. Lovelace, who had been in under-sixteen teams for years,
was the Senior Colts badge and was captain. Burgoyne led the scrum; he
was a rough diamond, if indeed a diamond at all, and was not too popular
with the side. Foster was scrum half; Collins and Gordon were in the
scrum. It was really quite a decent side, but this particular afternoon
it started shakily. "The Bull" raged so madly and cursed so furiously
that the side became petrified with funk, and could do nothing right.
Once and only once did the Colts look like scoring, and then Lovelace
knocked on the easiest pass right between the posts.
"Never did I see anything like it," bellowed Buller. "For eighteen years
I have coached Fernhurst; and before that I coached Oxford and
Gloucestershire; and I am not going to stand this. Lovelace, you are not
fit to be captain of a pick-up, let alone a school Colts side. Burgoyne,
skipper the side. Now then, two minutes more to half-time; do something,
Colts."
The Colts did do something. They let the other side score twice. At
half-time Buller poured forth a superb torrent of rhetoric. And suddenly
there came over Gordon an uncontrollable desire to laugh. "The Bull"
looked so funny, with his hair ruffled, and his eyes flaming with wrath.
Gordon had to look the other way, or he would have burst into paroxysms
of laughter. When one is overexcited and worried, hysteria is not far
absent. Gordon turned away.
Then suddenly he felt a terrific assault on his backside. Someone had
booted him most fiercely, and turning round he saw the face of Buller
still more distorted with rage.
"Never saw such rudeness! Here am I trying to coach the rottenest side
that has ever disgraced a Fernhurst ground, and you haven't the manners
to listen to me. Good man, are you so perfect that you can afford to pay
no attention to me? For heaven's sake, don't make your footer like your
cricket, the slackest thing in the whole of Fernhurst. Come on, we'll go
on with this game."
For ten more minutes "the Bull" watched the Colts making feverish
endeavours to do anything right. But his powers of endurance were not
equal to the strain.
"Here," he shouted, as Harding was going up to change after
superintending a pick-up, "you might referee for about ten more minutes
here, will you? I can't bear the sight of the little slackers any
longer."
A sigh of relief went up as the figure of Buller rolled out through the
field gate. Strangely enough, the Colts did rather better after this,
and Collins scored a really quite fine try. But the side left the field
glowing with resentment. None more than Gordon and Lovelace.
"What does the fool mean by making a little ass like Burgoyne captain?"
complained Gordon. "Dirty little beast, who does not wash or shave. And
he hacked me up the bottom, too, the swine. I'm getting a bit sick of
'The Bull.'"
"So am I. What we really want is my brother back again. He kept him in
order all right. My brother was a strong man, and did not stand any rot
from Buller or anyone else."
"Hullo, you two, you look about fed up! What's the row?"
They turned round; Mansell was coming up behind them. Lovelace burst out
perfervidly:
"It's that fool Buller. He cursed the Colts all round, and he made
Burgoyne captain instead of me, and he hacked Gordon's bottom, and told
him he had no manners. Believe me, we have had a jolly afternoon."
"And I suppose he said that he had captained Oxford, Cambridge, New
Zealand and the Fiji Islands, and that in his whole career he had never
seen anything like it."
"Oh yes, he fairly rolled out his qualifications, like a maid-servant
applying for a post."
"Oh, well, never mind," said Mansell; "he is a good chap, really, only
he can't keep his temper. He'll probably apologise to you both before
the end of the day. I remember Ferguson said once: 'All men are fools
and half of them are bloody fools.' Not so bad for Ferguson that! Cheer
up!"
"Yes; but, damn it all, it is a bit thick," said Lovelace. "And a tick
like Burgoyne to boot."
As they were changing, a fag from Buller's made a nervous entry; he
looked very lost, but finally summoned up enough courage to ask
Davenport if he knew where Caruthers was.
"Yonder, sirrah, lurking behind the piano."
The fag came up.
"Oh—I say—er—Caruthers. 'The Bull'—er, I mean Mr Buller wants to see
you as soon as you are changed."
"Right," said Gordon.
"I said so," said Mansell; "he will weep over you and shake your hand
like a long-lost brother; and after you will follow Lovelace, who will
once more lead the lads with white jerseys and red dragons to victory
against Osborne. Good-bye; you needn't stop, you know," he informed the
fag, who was giving a stork-like performance, by gyrating first on one
foot then on another.
"That means I shall miss my tea," said Gordon.
"I fear so," answered Mansell. "I don't really think you can expect 'the
Bull' to receive you with crumpets and muffins and other goodly
delights. Of course to-morrow is Sunday; you might manage to work a
supper-party, but don't rely on it. Come and tell me the result of your
chat; you will find me in my study; don't knock; just walk in; you are
always welcome."
As Gordon walked across the courts to Buller's study he had not the
slightest doubt as to how the interview would end. "The Bull" was often
like this. Only yesterday Foster had told him some long yarn of how he
had beaten a lad in Christy's and had hit his hand by mistake; and to
kick a person was, after all, a far more undignified method of assault.
It was almost actionable. Quite contentedly he knocked on the door and
went in. He was not, however, welcomed with open arms. "The Bull" stood
with his back to the door, facing the fireplace, his hands behind his
back. He did not speak for a minute or so. Gordon wondered if it would
be correct to take a chair. "The Bull" broke the silence.
"Well, Caruthers, are you sorry for what happened this afternoon?"
This took Gordon by surprise: it was hardly the interview he had been
led to expect. He murmured "Yes, sir" rather indistinctly.
"Are you, though? Because if you are going to come in here and say you
are sorry, when you are not, simply to smooth things over, you would be
a pretty rotten sort of fellow."
"Yes, sir." Gordon had recovered his self-control and was ready for a
fight.
"Well, this is the way I look at things. I am here to coach Fernhurst
sides; it is my life's work. I love Fernhurst, and I have devoted all my
energy and care to help my old school, and it seems to me that you are
trying—you and Lovelace between you—to ruin my work and stand in my
light. Both of you as individuals are well worth your places in both
under-sixteen sides, football and cricket. As individuals, I say; and
you think you are indispensable to the side, and that we can't do
without you. You can afford to laugh when you miss catches, and not pay
attention to me when I am trying to give you the benefits of my
experience."
"I heard every word——"
"Will you kindly wait till I have finished. Fernhurst has done very well
in the past without you and Lovelace, and five years hence it will have
to do without you, and I am not going to have you interfere with the
present. You hate me, I dare say; from all I hear of you, you hate my
house; and you stir up sedition against me. You show the others how
much you care for me. And you are both people who have some influence in
your house, and wherever you are, for that matter. And are you using it
for the good of Fernhurst? You ruined all my pleasure in the cricket
Colts; but I don't care about myself. All I care for is Fernhurst. Why
did I stop Lovelace being captain? Because I want a man who is going to
back me up, who is going to play for the side and not for himself. And I
tell you I am going to drop Lovelace; he plays for himself; he gives
rotten passes; he upsets combination; and I won't have him on my side."
Gordon could stand it no longer.
"Sir, I am not going to hold a brief for myself. But you have not
treated Lovelace fairly. Last year on a trial game you kicked him out of
the side, only to find in a week that you could not do without him. And
to-day, sir, on a trial game you deposed him from the captaincy."
"Do you mean to say that after playing Rugby football for twenty-five
years I don't know what I am talking about?"
Gordon saw he had said too much.
"And I am not talking about his play, I am talking about his general
attitude. Now, didn't you two rag about a good deal at the nets last
term?"
"Well, sir, it was hardly ragging, sir——"
"Oh, hardly ragging.... There must be no ragging.... If we are going to
turn out good sides we must be in dead earnest the whole time. You
imagine you are loyal to Fernhurst. My old sides followed me implicitly.
I loved them, and they loved me. We worked together for Fernhurst; now,
are you doing your best for Fernhurst?"
Gordon was overwhelmed. He wanted to tell "the Bull" how mistaken he
was; that he and Lovelace did not hate him at all; that they were doing
their best; but that their sense of humour was at times too strong. But
it was useless. "The Bull" would not give him a chance. And he had
learnt from Mansell and Tester that "the Bull" could only see one point
of view at a time. And yet he was filled with an immense admiration for
this man who thought only of Fernhurst, who had worked for Fernhurst all
his life, who made Fernhurst's interests the standard for every
judgment and action. There was something essentially noble in so
unswerving a devotion. If only his love of Fernhurst had not made him so
complete an egoist.
"Well, what is it to be, Caruthers?" Buller went on. "Are you going to
work with me or against me? When you first came you were keen and
willing. You are still keen, but you think too much of yourself now; you
imagine you know more than I do. Is all this going to stop? Are we going
to work together?"
There was nothing to be gained by arguing.
"Sir, I shall do my best to."
"Well, I hope so, Caruthers. It is not for my own sake I mind; you see
that, don't you? It is Fernhurst that matters. We must all do our best
for Fernhurst. I hope we sha'n't have any more trouble, you will be a
power in the school some day, we must work together—for Fernhurst."
"Yes, sir."
Gordon walked to the door; as he put his hand on the knob he paused for
a second, then turned round.
"Good-night, sir."
"Good-night, Caruthers."
He was out in the street again. There was a tremendous noise going on in
one of the Buller's studies. From the courts came sounds of barge
football. He did not feel as if he wanted to go and discuss everything
with Mansell for a minute or so. Slowly he wandered round the shrubbery,
past the big school, past the new buildings into the Abbey courtyard. He
sat down on a seat and tried to think. A girl came and sat beside him
and smiled at him invitingly. He took no notice. She sat there a minute
or so, then got up and walked off stiffly. The Abbey clock boomed out
the quarter to six. In a minute or so he would have to go back to tea.
He was worried. He liked "the Bull," admired him intensely; and yet "the
Bull" thought he hated him, thought him disloyal. Why could not Buller
keep his temper? Why must he rush to conclusions without weighing the
evidence? And "the Bull" was such a splendid man; he was one of the very
few masters Gordon respected in the least. He wanted "the Bull" to like
him. And then there was Lovelace. Why couldn't "the Bull" try to see
life as Lovelace saw it? Why must he want everyone to share the same
views as he, look at everything through the same spectacles? It wouldn't
have mattered if he was merely an insignificant busybody like Christy.
He was such a splendid fellow, such a man. It was all such a pity. And
yet he realised that he would have to try and bend his will to that of
Buller; he must endeavour to work side by side with him. It would not do
to have Fernhurst split up into two camps. In the past he had thought he
was doing his best; but "the Bull" wanted absolute subservience. And
what "the Bull" wanted he usually got.
Lovelace, however, took quite a different view. He was mad with Buller.
"Damn it all, it is not the first time the swine has done the dirty on
me. Look at the way he kicked me out of the side last year."
"I know, that's what I told him. And he owned that both of us as
individuals were worth our places, but that we upset the side and rotted
about, and were always up against him."
"Silly ass the man must be. We are keen enough, aren't we? But I damned
well don't see why we should treat footer and cricket like a chapel
service. We can laugh in form if anything funny happens; then why the
hell shouldn't we laugh on the field? And, my God, Caruthers, you did
look an ass when you missed that catch." Lovelace roared with laughter
at the thought of it. "The way you juggled with it, and old Bull tearing
his hair, oh, it was damned funny."
"But, you see, 'the Bull' thinks games are everything, and, damn it all,
they are the things that really matter. We each may have our own private
interests. But games are the thing. Only personally I don't see why we
should not see the funny side of them. To 'the Bull' a dropped catch is
an everlasting disgrace."
"Oh, let 'the Bull' go to blazes, I am sick of him. If he wants to kid
me out of the Colts, he can; and I'll go and enjoy myself on House
games. But look here, there is a Stoics debate to-night and it's nearly
roll-time. You had better go down and bag two seats."
The Stoics society was of elastic proportions, including everyone above
IV. A, for a life subscription of sixpence, and during the winter term
it held meetings every other week in the School House reading-room. The
actual membership was over a hundred, but rarely more than fifty
attended, and of those who went only fifty per cent. paid any attention
to the proceedings. The rest looked on it as a good excuse for getting
off work. Three quarters of the society were from the School House, and
these arrived with deck chairs, cushions and a novel, and thoroughly
enjoyed themselves. Christy was the president, and this was to a great
extent the reason for so general an atmosphere of boredom and
indifference. For Christy was the typical product of conventionality and
pharisaism. He was so thoroughly contented with anything he
superintended that he refused to believe any improvement was possible.
But this year Betteridge was honorary secretary and had tried to infuse
a little life into the society. The subject for the first debate of the
term was "Classical and Modern Education," and Ferrers was going to
speak for the modern side. Ferrers was always writing to the papers, and
was already well known in the common room as a feverish orator. A good
deal had been rumoured about him, and the school were rather anxious to
hear him. There was quite a large audience. At about twenty past seven
Christy came in, and everyone stood up till he had sat down. Burgess was
to open the debate for the classics, and Christy was to second him.
Ferrers and Pothering, the head of Claremont's, were for the moderns.
The debate was supposed to open at twenty past the hour. But Ferrers had
not arrived. There was an awkward pause. At last Christy got up.
"I really think it is useless to wait any longer for Mr Ferrers. We will
proceed. The motion before the House is: That in the opinion of this
House a classical education is more efficacious than a modern one. I
will call on Mr Burgess to open the motion."
There was a little clapping as Burgess got up with a customary display
of conceit. He ran his hand through his hair and took a glance at his
notes, and then began with the blasé air of Mercury addressing a
Salvation Army meeting.
"Of course those in favour of modern education will defend themselves on
the grounds of general utility. They will point out the uselessness of
Greek in business; all I can say to that is that the Public School man
should be too much of a gentleman to wish to succeed in business. He
should aim higher; he should follow the ideals set before him by the
classics. Nearly all the poets and politicians of to-day are Public
School men; nearly all ..."
He went on rolling off absurdly dogmatic statements that were based
solely on ignorance and arrogance. He was of the Rogers' school of
oratory. He believed that a sufficient amount of conceit and
self-possession would carry anyone through. About half-way through his
speech he was interrupted by the approach of a whirlwind. There was a
sound of feet on the stone passage, something crashed against the door,
and in rolled Ferrers in a most untidy blue suit, a soft collar, an
immense woollen waistcoat, and three books under his arm. These he
slammed on the table, in company with his cap.
"Awfully sorry, Christy, old fellow ... been kept ... new lot of books
from Methuen's ... had to take one up to my wife ... rather ill, you
know.... Fire away, Burgess."
All his remarks were flung off in jerks at a terrific rate. The abashed
orator concluded rather prematurely and rather wildly; such an incursion
was most irregular and very perplexing.
"I will now call on Mr Ferrers to speak."
Up leapt Ferrers and began at once firing off his speech at the pace of
a cinematograph. He was full of mannerisms. He would clap his hand over
his eyes when he wanted to think of something, and would then spread it
out straight before him. It was rather dangerous to get close. He would
pick up one of his books and shake it in the face of Christy.
"This is what Mackenzie says ... in Sinister Street ... fine book ...
smashes up everything, shows the shallowness of our education ... this
is what he says...."
After he had read a few words, he would bang the book down on the table
and continue pouring forth inextricable anacolutha. Everyone was
listening; they had never heard anything like this before. It was a
revelation. Christy chewed his finger-nails. Burgess assumed an air of
Olympian content. The flood of rhetoric rolled on:
"It is like this, you see; the classical education makes you imitate all
the time ... Greek Prose like Sophocles ... Latin Verse like
Petronius.... I don't know if I have got the names right ... probably
not ... never could stick doing it. There is no free thought. Classics
men do very well in the Foreign Offices, but they can't think.... What
do classics do in the literary world? Nothing. Bennett, Lloyd George,
Wells—the best men never went to a Public School.... We want
originality; and the classics don't give it. They are all right for a
year or so to give a grounding of taste ... though they don't give that
to the average boy ... but no more. What did I learn from
classics?—only to devise a new way of bringing a crib into form.... Is
that an education? No, we want French, jolly few cribs to be got of
Daudet that are any use to the Lower Fifth ... Maths, that's the stuff
... makes them think.... Riders ... get them out your own way—not
Vergil's way or Socrates' way—your own way—originality...."
In this strain he talked for a quarter of an hour, and held the audience
spellbound. He had really interested them. Here was something new,
something worth listening to. He was received with a roar of clapping.
After his speech everything else fell flat. Christy made one or two
super-subtle remarks which no one understood. There was nothing left for
Pothering to say; the motion was then put before the House and the
debate developed into a farce. Idiot after idiot got up and made some
infantile qualification of an earlier statement—all of them talked off
the point. So much so, in fact, that Turner was beginning a tale of a
fight he had had with a coster down Cheap Street when Christy called him
to order.
Gordon at once rose in protest.
"Gentlemen, I address the Chair. It is preposterous that Mr Turner
should have been refused a hearing. We may have lost what would perhaps
have thrown new light on the subject. Doubtless he had carefully
selected this particular anecdote out of a life, alas, too full of
excitement" (a roar greeted this, Christy had beaten Turner that very
morning for eating chocolates in German), "with the express view of
pointing out the superiority of the classics. Doubtless the rough in
question, not knowing the custom in Homeric contests, had failed to
propitiate the gods, while he, the narrator, had rushed into Back Lane
behind Mother Beehive's charming old-world residence, and having offered
a prayer to Mars, waited for his burly antagonist in the darkness, and
as the vile man, clearly one of St Paul's 'god haters'" (that time the
Sixth were reading the "Romans") "thundered by, he smote him with a
stone above the eye, and left him discomfited and, like Œdipus, well
nigh blind. Here we see——"
But the meeting never found out what they really saw. Gordon was called
to order, and sat down amid a tumult of applause. One or two more
speakers brought fresh evidence to bear on the subject; and then there
was the division. The moderns won by a huge majority. As the rabble
passed into the passage Gordon heard Ferrers say to Christy in his most
patronising manner:
"Rather wiped the ground with you, didn't we?... Well, never mind, you
stood no earthly.... Days of the classics are over. Still, you fought
well.... Third line of defence—ad triarios.... I remember a bit of my
classics."
Gordon was borne out on the stream past the matron's room to the end of
the passage, and the rest of Ferrers's speech was lost.
From this day the Stoics underwent a complete change. The whole nature
of the society was altered. Ferrers was so absolutely different from
anything that a master had appeared to be from time immemorial. He was
essentially of the new generation, an iconoclast, a follower of Brooke
and Gilbert Cannan, heedless of tradition, probing the root of
everything. At the end of the term Christy resigned his presidency. He
could not keep pace with the whirlwind Ferrers.
"You know, Caruthers," said Tester in second hall, "whatever our
personal feelings may be, we have got to allow that this man Ferrers has
got something in him."
"Something! Why, I thought him simply glorious. Here he is bursting in
on the prude conventionality of Fernhurst full of new ideas, smashing up
the things that have been accepted unquestionably for years. By Jove,
the rest of the staff must hate him."
"There was a thing by him in the A.M.A. the other day that caused
considerable annoyance, I believe. I didn't read the thing myself, but I
heard 'the Bull' saying it was disgraceful that a Fernhurst master
should be allowed to say such things. I suppose he said something
against games."
"Well, damn it all, if he did, he is in the wrong. Games are absolutely
necessary. What on earth would the country be like without them?"
"A damned sight better, I should think."
"Oh, don't be an ass. Just look at the fellows who don't play games,
Rudd and Co. What wrecks they are! Utterly useless. We could do
perfectly well without them. Could not we now?"
At this point Betteridge strolled in very leisurely. Authority had made
him a dignified person. The days of ragging Trundle seemed very distant.
He did not go about with Mansell so much now. He was more often with
Carter and Harding.
"Betteridge, come in and sit down," said Tester; "we were arguing on the
value of games. Don't you agree with me that it's about time a man like
Ferrers made a sensible attack on them?"
"Yes; though I doubt if Ferrers is quite the man to do it. He is such a
revolutionary. He would want to smash everything at once. A gradual
change is what is needed. I look at it like this. Games are all right in
themselves. A man must keep himself physically fit; but games are only a
means to an end. The object of all progress is to get a clear,
clean-sighted race, intellectual and broadminded. And I think physical
fitness is a great help in the production of a clear, clean mind. The
very clever man who is weak bodily is so apt to become a decadent; and
because he himself can't stand any real exertion, despises those who
can. Games are necessary as a means to an end. But Buller and all the
rest of the lot think games are the actual end. Look at the way a man
with his footer cap is idealised and worshipped. He may be an utter
rake; probably is, most likely he has no brains at all. If he ever had
them, he soon ceased to use them, and devotes all his energies to
athletic success. Why should we worship him? Merely because he can kick
a rotten football down a rotten field. It is this worship of athletics
that is so wrong."
"Oh, you are talking rot," burst out Gordon angrily; "the English race
is the finest in the whole world and has been bred on footer and
cricket. I own the Public School system has its faults; but not because
of games. It stamps out personality, tries to make types of us all,
refuses to allow us to think for ourselves. We have to read and pretend
to like what our masters tell us to. No freedom. But games are all
right. We all have our own interests. Poetry is my chief one at present.
But that doesn't blind me to the fact that games are what count. Where
should we be without them? And I damn well hope the House is not going
to get into a finicky, affected state of mind, despising them because
they are too slack to play them. That's why you hate them, Betteridge,
because you are no good at them. My great ambition is to be captain of
this House and win the Three Cock. Of course the worship of sport is all
right. Our fathers worshipped it, and damned good fellows they were,
too. I can't stand you when you talk like this. I am going to find
Lovelace; he has got a bit of sense."
The door slammed noisily behind him.
"He is very young," said Betteridge.
"Yes; and full of hopes," murmured Tester. "It is a pity to think he
will have to be so soon disillusioned. Very little remains the same for
long. Pleasure is very evanescent."
Betteridge looked at him a little curiously.
"I should not have thought you would have found that out," he said.
Tester shrugged.
"Oh, well, you know, even the fastest of us get tired of our licence at
times. Byron would have become a Benedictine monk if he had lived to be
fifty."
Betteridge smiled, and picking up a Browning from the table sank into an
easy-chair to read.
Tester remained looking into the fire. What a fool he had been to give
himself away just then. It was his great object never to let anyone see
into his soul. He had once shown Caruthers what he was, because he could
not bear to see a person of ability wasting himself for want of high
ideals. He had tried to show him that there was something above the
commonplace routine of life. And in a way he had succeeded. Caruthers
often came in in the evenings to discuss poetry with him, and those were
some of the happiest moments of his life. He was not sorry that he had
poured out his heart to him. Of course Caruthers was still young, was
still under the influence of environment. But in time he was sure to
realise that athletics were not the aim of life, but only a tavern on
the wayside, where we may rest for a little, or which we may pass by,
just as our fancy takes us. If Caruthers saw this at last, he would then
have done at least something not altogether vain.
For, after all, what a useless life his had been. The road he had
travelled seemed white with the skeletons of broken hopes. In the
glowing coals he saw the pageant of his past unroll itself. He had never
been quite the normal person. His father was a minor poet, and for as
long as he could remember his house had been full of literary people.
Arthur Symons and George Moore had often discussed the relations between
art and life across his fireplace. Yeats had told him stories of strange
Irish myths; Thomas Hardy had read to him once or twice. He had spent
his whole life with men who thought for themselves, who had despised the
conventions of their day, and he himself had ceased to believe in
anything except what personal experience taught him. He had resolved to
find out things for himself. And what, after all, had he discovered?
Little except the vanity of mortal things. In his friendship with
Stapleton he had for a term or so found a temporary peace, but it had
not been for long. As soon as he achieved anything it seemed to collapse
before him. He had at times sought to forget his failures in blind fits
of passion, but when the fire was burnt out the old world was the old
world yet! In books alone he found a lasting comfort. The school looked
on him as "quite a decent chap, awfully fast, of course, doesn't care a
damn what he does, just lives to enjoy himself and have a damned good
time." He smiled at the irony of it all. If they only knew! But they
could never know. He had made a mistake in saying so much to Betteridge;
he must not do it again. He must go on probing everything to discover
where, if anywhere, was that complete peace, that perfect beauty that he
had set out to find. In the meantime the destiny of his life would
unfold itself. He would follow where his inclinations led him.
The evening bell broke into his reverie.
He stretched himself.
"Come on, Betteridge. Let us have a rag to-night."
"Oh, I don't think I will, I am rather sleepy." Betteridge was aware of
his position. To Tester being a prefect signified very little.
That night Carter's dormitory was submitted to a most fearful raid.
Water flowed everywhere. Two sheets were ripped and a jug broken. Rudd's
bed was upset on the floor with Rudd underneath.
"By Jove, Caruthers," said Lovelace, from Harding's well-behaved
dormitory, "that man Tester is some lad."
And Gordon thought, as he saw him laying about him full lustily with a
pillow, that all his talk about games must be merely a damned
affectation. He was really like any ordinary fellow.
When peace was at last restored, and he had led home his victorious
forces, Tester laughed quietly to himself, as he watched the moonlight
falling across a huge pool of water. He had played his part pretty well.
For the rest of the term life flowed easily with Gordon. There were no
further rows with "the Bull"; in fact their row seemed, for a time at
any rate, to have brought them closer together. Both seemed anxious to
be friends with one another, and on the football field Gordon's play
gave really very little cause for complaint. For this term his football
reached his highest level. In following seasons he played good games on
occasions, but he never equalled the standard he set himself in the
Colts. It was one of Gordon's chief characteristics that he usually did
well while others failed, and this term the Colts for some reason or
other never properly got together. The side kept on being altered. For
a week after the row Lovelace was kept out of the side; but it was soon
obvious that his presence was absolutely necessary.
"What did I say," said Gordon. "You see, 'the Bull's' madness doesn't
last for long. He got a bit fed up with you, Lovelace, so he made
himself imagine your football was bad. He can always make himself think
what he likes."
"Yes; but it is rather a nuisance," Mansell remarked, "when you realise
it is always House men who have to do the Jekyll and Hyde business."
"Good Lord! Mansell, you are becoming literary," laughed Gordon. "How
did you hear of Jekyll and Hyde?"
"Claremont has been reading the thing on Sunday mornings; not so bad for
a fool like Stevenson. It rather reminded me of The Doctor's Double,
by Nat Gould; only, of course, it is not half so good."
"No, that is a fact," said Lovelace. "Nat Gould is the finest author
alive. I read some stuff in a paper the other day about books being true
to life. Well, you could not get anything more true than The Double
Event; and race-horsing is the most important thing in life, too. I
sent up the other day for six of his books; they ought to be here
to-morrow."
"Well, for God's sake, don't bring them in here," said Gordon, "there is
enough mess as it is with The Sportsmans of the last month trailing
all over the place."
"Oh, have some sense, man; you don't know what literature is."
Gordon subsided. All his new theories of art collapsed very easily
before the honest Philistinism of Lovelace and Mansell; for he was not
quite sure of his own views himself. He loved poetry, because it seemed
to express his own emotions so adequately. Byron's "Tempest-anger,
Tempest-mirth" was as balm to his rebellious soul. Rebellion was, in
fact, at this time almost a religion with him. Only a few days back he
had discovered Byron's sweeping confession of faith, "I have simplified
my politics into an utter detestation of all existing governments," and
he found it a most self-satisfying doctrine. That was what his own life
should be. He would fight against these masters with their
old-fashioned and puritanic notions; he would be the preacher of the new
ideas. It was all very crude, very impossible, but at the back of this
torrid violence lay an honest desire to better conditions, tempered, it
must be owned, with an ambition to fill the middle of the stage himself.
In his imagination he became a second Byron. He saw, or thought he saw,
the mistakes of the system under which he lived; and—without pausing to
consider its merits—wished to sweep away the whole foundation into the
sea, and to build upon some illusory basis a new heaven and new earth.
He had yet to read the essay in which Matthew Arnold says that "Byron
shattered, inevitably shattered himself against the black rock of
British Philistinism." He was at present full of hope. The Poetry of
Revolt coloured his imagination to such a degree that he saw himself
standing alone and triumphant amid the wreck of the world he had
overthrown. He was always protesting that Swinburne's finest line was in
the Hymn to Proserpine:
"I neither kneel nor adore them, but standing look to the end."
It raises a wonderful picture to a young imagination: Swinburne standing
on a mountain, looking across the valley of years in which man fights
feverishly for little things, in which nations rise to empire for a
short while, in which constitutions totter and fall, looking to where,
far away behind the mountains, flickered the faint white streamers of
the dawn. Oh, he was very young; very conceited too, no doubt; but is
there anyone who, having lived longer, having seen many bright dreams go
down, having been disillusioned, and having realised that he is but a
particle in an immense machine, would not change places with Gordon, and
see life once more roseflushed with impossible loyalties?
In its passage school life seems very long; in retrospect it appears but
a few hours. There is such a sameness about everything. A few incidents
here and there stand out clear, but, as a whole, day gives place to day
without differing much from those that have gone before it. We do not
realise this till we can look back on them from a distance; but it is
none the less true.
In the Sixth Gordon's scholastic career took the way of all other
fugitive things. It had once given promise of leading somewhere, of
resulting in something, but it wanted more than ordinary perseverance to
overcome the atmosphere of the deep-rooted objection to work that
overhung all the proceedings in the Sixth Form room. And that
perseverance Gordon lamentably lacked.
The Lower Sixth was mainly under the supervision of Mr Finnemore; and it
was a daily wonder to Gordon why a person so obviously unfitted should
have been entrusted with so heavy a responsibility. Finally he came to
the conclusion that the last headmaster had thought that the Sixth Form
would probably make less fun and take fewer liberties with him than any
other form, and that when the present Chief had come he had not had the
heart to remove a school institution. Mr Finnemore was an oldish man,
getting on for sixty, and his hair was white. He had a long moustache,
his clothes carried the odour of stale tobacco, his legs seemed hung on
to his body by hooks that every day appeared less likely to maintain the
weight attached to them. His face wore a self-depreciatory smile. He was
most mercilessly "ragged."
The day when he took exams in big school will never be forgotten. Gordon
was then in V.A. The Sixth, the Army class and the Upper Fifth were all
supposed to be preparing for some future paper. All three forms had, of
course, nothing to do. The Chief was in London.
At four-fifteen Finnemore was observed to be moving in his strange way
across the courts. With an almost suspicious quietness the oak desks
were filled.
"What are you doing to-day, Lane?" Finnemore asked the head of the
school.
"I believe, sir, we are supposed to be preparing something."
"Ah, excellent; excellent, a very good opportunity for putting in some
good, hard work. Excellent! Excellent!"
For about three minutes there was peace. Then Ferguson lethargically
arose. He strolled up the steps to the dais, and leaning against the
organ loft began to speak:
"Gentlemen, as not only the Sixth Form, but also the Army class and
Upper Fifth, are gathered here this afternoon with no very ostensible
reason for work, I suggest that we should hold, on a small scale, a
Bacchic festival. This will, of course, be not only entertaining but
also instructive. 'Life consists in knowing where to stop, and going a
little further,' once said H.H. Monro. Let us follow his advice—and
that of the Greeks. First, let us shove the desks against the wall and
make ready for the dance."
It had all been prepared beforehand. In a few minutes several hundred
books had been dropped, several ink-pots lay smashed on the floor. There
was a noise of furious thunder, and at last all the desks somehow got
shoved against the wall.
Finnemore was "magnificently unprepared." He lay back nervously in his
chair, fingering his moustache.
"This must now cease," he said.
"No, really, sir" protested Ferguson; "everything is all right. Mr
Carter, will you oblige us by playing the piano. I myself will conduct."
The floor of the big school is made of exquisitely polished oak, and is
one of the glories of Fernhurst. It was admirably suited for the dance
which within five minutes was in progress. It was a noble affair.
Finnemore sat back in his chair powerless, impotent; Carter hammered out
false notes on a long-suffering piano. Ferguson beat time at the top of
the dais, with a pen gently waving between his fingers, as gracefully as
the pierrots of Aubrey Beardsley play with feathers. Down below heavy
feet pretended to dance to an impossible tune. Someone began a song,
others followed suit, and before long the austere sanctity of the room
was violated by the flat melodies of Hitchy-Koo. It was indeed an act
of vandalism. But the rioters had forgotten that they were distinctly
audible from without. In the Chief's absence they had thought a row out
of the question.
Unfortunately, however, "the Bull's" class-room was only a few yards
off. When first he heard the strains of revelling borne upwards he
thought it must be the choir practising for the Christmas concert. But
it did not take long for him to appreciate that such a supposition was
out of the question. The noise was deafening. He could hardly hear
himself talk; investigation must be made. He got up and walked out into
the courts, made his way to the big school, and opening the door
revealed the scene that has just been described. For a second or so he
stood speechless. He felt much as Moses might have felt, if he had seen
a tribe of Gentiles invading the Holy of Holies. Then his voice rang
out:
"What is the meaning of this unseemly disturbance?"
A sudden silence fell over the revellers, as in Poe's story of the red
death when the stranger entered the room.
Buller looked around.
"My form, the Army class, will follow me."
Disconsolately his form found their books and moved out of the room,
fully aware that they would shortly have to pay full price for their
pleasure. Over the remainder there fell a chill feeling of uncertainty.
A few spasmodic efforts were made to carry on, but the light-heartedness
was gone. The laughter was forced. Finally noise subsided into
whispering, and whispering into silence and the scratching of pens.
There loomed before the Sixth Form visions of a very unpleasant
interview with the Chief, and their expectations were not disappointed.
The whole form had to stay back on the last day and write out a Georgic.
Only the Fifth got off scot-free. Macdonald was told to deal with them,
but he saw the humour of the affair too strongly to do anything but
laugh.
"These Cambridge men—can't keep order. No good at all. Can't think why
the Chief took him." And then, after a pause; "I wish I had been there!"
The result of this was that for the future Finnemore was treated with a
little more respect. The Sixth decided that dances did not pay, and so
contented themselves with less noisy but little less aggravating
amusements. For instance, Finnemore's hatred of Browning was a byword;
so one day the entire form decided to learn The Lost Leader for
repetition. For a while Finnemore bore it patiently, but when a burly
chemistry specialist walked up to within two feet of him and began to
bawl so loudly that his actual words were distinguishable in the School
House studies, the master covered his face with his hands and murmured:
"Oh, heaven spare me this infliction!"
On another occasion Betteridge walked quietly up to him, handed him a
Shelley, and without any warning suddenly shrieked out:
"He hath outsoared the shadow of our night."
Finnemore looked at him sadly: "My dear Betteridge, so early in the
morning!"
By many little things his life was made wretched for him. But yet he
would not have chosen any other profession. He had once started life
with very high hopes, but had discovered that the world is not in
sympathy with men of ideas who do not prophesy smooth things. And so at
an early age he found himself disappointed in all his personal aims. It
seemed that he had to harbour only the simplest wish to find it denied.
And then he realised that for the loss of youth there can be no
compensation, and that in youth alone happiness could be found. And so
he had decided to spend his life in company with high hopes and smiling
faces. There were times when an immense sadness came over him, when he
thought that disillusionment was waiting for so many of them and that
there were few who would "carry their looks or their truth to the
grave." But on the whole he was as happy as his temperament could allow
him, and Gordon, although in a sense he was the very antithesis of all
that he admired most, found himself strangely in sympathy with his new
master. One day the subject for an essay was "Conventionality," and
Gordon unpacked his torrid soul in a wild abuse of all existing
governments. After he had written it, he got rather nervous about its
reception, but it was returned marked a-, and Finnemore had written at
the bottom: "We all think like this when we are young; and, after all,
it is good to be young."
Gordon felt that he had found someone who understood him.
Finnemore lived in two rooms over the masters' common room, which had
from time immemorial been the possession of the Sixth Form tutor, and in
the evenings when Gordon used to have his prose corrected Finnemore
would often ask him to stay behind and have some coffee. Then the two
would talk about poetry and art and life till the broken bell rang out
its cracked imperious summons. Finnemore had once published a small book
of verses, a copy of which he gave to Gordon. They had in them all the
frail pathos of a wasted career; most of them were songs of spurned
affection, and inside was the quotation: "Scribere jussit amor."
"When I look at that book," said Finnemore to Gordon, "I can't associate
myself with the author, I seem to have quite outgrown him. And as I
recall the verses I say to myself, 'Poor fellow, life was hard to you,'
and I wonder if he really was myself."
With him Gordon saw life from a different angle. He presented the
spectacle of failure, and it rather sobered Gordon's wild enthusiasm, at
times, to feel himself so close to anything so bitterly poignant. But
the hour of youth's domination, even if it be but an hour, is too full
of excitement and confidence to be overclouded by doubts for very long.
Usually Gordon saw in him a pathetic shadow whom he patronised. He did
not realise that it was what he himself might become.
Through the long tedious hours in the shadowy class-room Gordon dreamed
of wonderful successes, and let others pass him by in the rush for
promotion. He began to think that prizes and form lists were not worth
worrying about; he said a classical education had such a narrowing
effect on character. We can always produce arguments to back up an
inclination if we want to. And in Finnemore there was no force to stir
anyone to do what they did not want.
Only once a day was Gordon at all industrious, and that was when the
Chief took the Lower and Upper Sixth Form combined in Horace and
Thucydides.
For the Chief Gordon always worked; not, it is true, with any real
measure of success, for he had rather got out of the habit of grinding
at the classics, but at any rate with energy. And during these hours he
began to perceive vaguely what a clear-sighted, unprejudiced mind the
Chief had. To the boy in the Fourth and Fifth forms any headmaster must
appear not so much a living person as the emblem of authority, the final
dispenser of justice, the hard, analytical sifter of evidence, "coldly
sublime, intolerably just." Gordon had always before looked on the Chief
as a figurehead, who at times would unbend most surprisingly and become
a man; on the cricket field, for example, when in a master's match he
had fielded cleanly a terrific cut at point, and played a sporting
innings; at House suppers, and, most surprisingly of all, when a row was
on, Gordon had been unable to understand him. He could not dissociate
him from his conception of a headmaster—a sort of Mercury, a divine
emissary of the gods, sent as a necessary infliction. Yet at times the
Chief was intensely human, and when Gordon came under his immediate
influence and caught a glimpse of his methods, he saw in a flash that at
all times his headmaster was a generous, sympathetic nature, and that it
was his own distorted view that had ever made him think otherwise. The
Chief was so ready to appreciate a joke, so quick with an answer, so
unassuming, so utterly the antithesis of any master he had met before.
There were one or two incidents that stood out clearer than any others
in Gordon's memories of his Chief.
At the very beginning of the term, before a start had been made on the
term's work, the Chief was talking about Horace's life and
characteristics.
"Now, Tester," he said, "if you were asked to sum up Horace's outlook on
life in a single phrase, what would you say?"
Tester thought for a minute or so.
"Let us eat and drink, for to-morrow we die," he hazarded.
The form laughed. It seemed rather a daring generalisation. But the
Chief's answer came back pat:
"Well, hardly that, Tester. Shall we say, Let us eat and drink, but not
too much, or we shall have a stomach-ache to-morrow?"
He had taken Tester's quite erroneous estimate as a basis, and had
exactly hit off Horace's character.
But the following incident more than any other brought home to Gordon
how extraordinarily broadminded the Chief was. Carter was construing,
and had made a most preposterous howler, it does not matter what. He
had learnt the translation in the notes by heart, and quite failed to
connect it verbatim with the Greek.
"There now, you see how utterly absurd you are," said the Chief. "You
have not taken the trouble to look the words up in a dictionary. Just
because you see what you think is a literal translation in the notes.
There lies the fatal error of using cribs. Of course when I catch a boy
in Shell or IV. A using one, I drop on him not only for slackness but
dishonesty. The boy is taking an unfair advantage of the rest and
getting promotion undeservedly. But in the Sixth Form you have got
beyond that stage. We don't worry much about marks here, so there is
nothing immoral in using a crib. It is merely silly. It tends to slack
translation which in the end ruins scholarship. And by using the notes
as you do, Carter, you are doing the same thing. You really must use
more common-sense. Go on, please, Harding."
Gordon was amazed at such a broadminded view of cribbing. He had long
since grown weary of preachers who talked about dishonesty, without
seeming to draw a line between active dishonesty and passive slackness.
The Chief realised that it was deliberate slackness that led to
dishonesty, not dishonesty that was incidentally slack. The Chief must
be a very wise man.
Nevertheless his admiration of the Chief did not make him do any more
work than was strictly necessary; and Gordon began to drift into a
peaceful academic groove, where he did just enough work to pass
unnoticed—neither good nor bad. He had grown tired of ragging. It was
such an effort, especially when the call of football demanded of every
ounce of energy. To drift down-stream may spell mediocrity, but it also
spells security, and, after all, there was little danger of Gordon
becoming a mediocrity in other branches of school life. He was far too
ambitious for that, but his ambitions were not academic. House politics
and athletics were sufficient burdens for one man in one lifetime.
"Other heights in other lives"; and Gordon believed in doing a few
things well.
It was more than lucky for Gordon's future that this term he found
himself a success on the football field. If he had not, he would
probably have sought a prominent position in the eyes of the school by
more doubtful paths; but as it was there was no need for him to plunge
into wild escapades to get noticed. His football attracted quite enough
attention. People spoke of his chances of getting into the Fifteen next
year. The Milton match was his greatest triumph, mainly because the rest
of the side did badly. Lovelace played back and made one or two fine
runs when he got the ball, but as a whole the side played very
half-heartedly. Burgoyne was off colour, and Collins's excuse that he
had been overworking lately did not save him from being kicked out of
the side after the match. But Gordon, who had got his Colts' badge on
the morning of the match, and so was relieved of any anxieties about his
place, played what he always said was his best game; so much so, in
fact, that Buller after the match, said:
"Rotten, absolutely rotten, with the exception of Caruthers, who played
magnificently."
There was only one blot on his performance, and that, though everyone
laughed about it, caused Gordon some regretful moments afterwards.
Rightly or wrongly Gordon thought the opposite scrum half was not
putting the ball in straight. Gordon told him what he thought of him.
The scrum half called him "a bloody interfering bastard," and told him
to go to hell. The next time the scrum half got the ball Gordon flung
him with unnecessary force, when he was already in touch, right into the
ropes. And from then onwards the relations between Gordon and the scrum
half were those of a scrapping match. Gordon came off best. He got a
bruise on the left thigh, but no one could notice that, while his
opponent had a bleeding nose and a cut lip. The school was amused, but
Gordon overheard a Milton man say: "I don't think much of the way these
Fernhurst men play the game. Look at that tick of a forward there. Dirty
swine!"
After the game Gordon apologised to the half, and exchanged the usual
compliments; but he could see that the rest of the Milton side were not
at all pleased.
He spoke to Mansell about it.
"My dear man, don't you worry. You played a jolly fine game this
afternoon, and if you go on like that you are a cert. for your Firsts
next year. You played a damned hard game."
"Yes; but it is rather a bad thing for the school, isn't it, if we get a
reputation for playing rough?"
"But you weren't playing foul, and Buller always tells us to go hard and
play as rough as we like."
"Yes; but still——"
He was not quite reassured, though everyone told him it was all right.
However, if "the Bull" made no comment, it looked as if nothing could be
wrong. As a matter of fact, "the Bull" had not noticed; and though
Christy, in a fit of righteous indignation, poured out a long story to
him, he only smiled.
"Oh, well, I expect he got a bit excited. First time he had played
footer for a school side.... I was a bit fierce my first game for
England. Don't blame him. He's a keen kid, and I am sure the other side
did not mind."
Christy mumbled indistinctly. No one ever seemed to take much notice of
what he said. That evening, however, he and Rogers, over a glass of
port, agreed that Caruthers was a thoroughly objectionable young fellow
who ought to be taken in hand, and with this Christian sentiment to
inspire him Rogers went home to put a few finishing touches to his
sermon for the next day.