Carrie Foord, the subject of
this memoir, was born at Tunbridge,
in Kent, on 27th September,
1867. At the age of six years she
lost her mother, and at eight her father,
leaving her sister Kate and herself to
the care of their stepmother, who was
in every way most kind to them,
which kindness they returned with
much affection. It was Mrs. Foord's
wish to keep a home for them to grow
up together. Man proposes and God
disposes. The home had to be given
up, Kate going to her grandfather's,
and Carrie, in the providence of God,
brought to live with us at Hailsham,
much against her inclination, as she
neither liked us nor our religion. This
continued for some time, but
"God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform."
She was brought, through divine
grace, to see her state as a sinner in the
sight of God by hearing the third verse
of the 666th hymn of Gadsby's Selection
given out one evening, as she took her
seat in the chapel. The arrow of conviction
went home to her heart. Well
do I remember, on her return, finding
her alone, and crying. Putting her arms
round my neck, she said, "What shall I
do? I am such a sinner! I'm so
wicked!" although at the time I did
not know what had caused her distress.
At another time she was much impressed
by a sermon our dear Pastor,
Mr. Nunn, preached from Hebrews xiii.
14—"For here we have no continuing
city, but we seek one to come."
From this time she became an earnest
seeker, very regular in her attendance
at the house of God, nothing but duty
keeping her away. Ultimately she was
baptized, and became a very useful
teacher in the Sabbath School, where
she was much loved.
Early in 1886 she caught a severe
cold, which settled on her lungs, causing
the rupture of a blood-vessel. Some
scattered sayings, spoken at different
times during her illness, were recorded,
of which the following are a few:—
"Oh, I do wish he did not think so
well of me, and call me good!" alluding
to a remark of a very dear friend. "He
does not know how wicked I am, or he
would never say I was good. What a
mercy I was ever brought here, under
the sound of the Gospel! But then, God
is not confined to places, is He, auntie?
If I am His child, He would be sure to
reveal Himself to me, in His own good
time; but I do thank Him for bringing
me here. My dear uncle, how kind he
is! How earnestly he has prayed for me,
and our dear Pastor too! I believe their
prayers have been answered. What a
mercy!"
After a bad fit of bleeding, I said,
"Did you think, dear, you should die,
when bringing up the blood?" She
said, "No, auntie; I never once thought
I should." Our hopes were raised as
she got better so quickly, and we thought
it might have been only a lodgment.
She frequently said, "I don't mind if it
is not my lungs." But when she grew
rapidly worse, and we called in another
doctor, he only confirmed what our own
doctor had said—that her case was
hopeless. After they were gone, she
said, "What did they say, auntie?" I
told her it was the lung. She very quietly
remarked, "People often live a long
time with their right lung gone, don't
they?" I said, "Yes," not having the
heart to tell her, in her case, it would
not be long.
One day, turning over the leaves of a
hymn-book, I came to the one on the
safety of believers, which I read. The
first verse is—
"There is a safe and secret place,
Beneath the wings divine,
Reserved for all the heirs of grace;
Oh, be that refuge mine!"
She said, "I do like that hymn so much,
auntie. I have had such sweet times in
my little room. Often when you have
sent me up to study for my class, I have
had such sweet enjoyment that I could
not study."
On awaking one night, she said, "Oh,
auntie, I have had some beautiful
words come with such power, and I keep
saying them—'Thou art Mine, as the
apple of Mine eye.'" I said, "You
could not have a more precious portion.
That will do to go to sleep on, won't it?"
She said, "Oh, yes!" and soon fell into
a peaceful slumber.
One night she said, "Auntie, do you
ever feel your prayers to be very formal,
as if it was merely a habit, and no heart
in it?" I said, "Yes, dear; too often."
She said, "Do you?" "Oh, yes," I
said; "I wish I did not."
One morning, going into her room,
she said to me, "I have had a nice time.
The sun shone brightly in at the window,
and those words came, 'So shall the
Sun of Righteousness arise with healing
in His wings.'"
One day she said, "I used to cry so
when I was at Gravesend. Do you
know what for?" I said, "No; why
did you?" She said, "Because I was
coming here. I did dislike coming so,
and for a long time after I was here I
would go and pray, as I thought, very
earnestly that mother would send a
letter to fetch me away; but that letter
never came. No, it never came; and
what a mercy it did not! God knew
what was best for me. How we can look
back and say, 'All was for the best.'"
We felt that we should like her to
know the state of health she was in, but
felt quite unfit to tell her. During a
visit, a friend asked her if she wished to
get better? On referring to me, after
they were gone, she said, "Is it wrong,
auntie? Don't you think it is natural
for me to wish so, who am young?" I
said, "Yes, dear, quite natural." She
said, "But I know the Lord will do what
He thinks best."
Previous to her nineteenth birthday
(September 27th) she had a return of
the bleeding, which again confined her
to her bed for a time. We all felt her
end might be very near, and would perhaps
come suddenly by the rupture of
another blood-vessel; therefore we were
very anxious she should know what a
precarious state she was in. It was,
therefore, quite a relief when she said
one day, "Auntie, I did not think at one
time I should be alive now. I did not
think I should live to see my birthday."
I said, "I am very glad to hear you say
this. I quite thought you were under
the impression you would get better.
What were your feelings when you
thought this?" "Oh," she said, "I
felt I could leave it all in the Lord's
hands. He would do what was best."
There was a sweet resignation to His
will at this time; but, after a little while,
her bodily strength increasing, she was
gradually buoyed up with a hope that
she might get better. Knowing from the
faithfulness of our doctor that her case
was hopeless, we could not participate
in that hope. She was most honest in
her principles, and could not bear to
deceive any one.
One day, as we were sitting alone, she
said, "Oh, auntie, you never thought I
could deceive you or uncle, did you?
But I did." I said, "I am glad you
have spoken of this, dear, although I
think in your case it was different from
many" (knowing that what she alluded to
was a private matter). "At any rate, you
have our pardon." She said, "What
stings of conscience I have had through
it! It has quite taken away any feeling
of pleasure I may have had; and yet my
will was so strong to have my own way,
I could not give it up.[10] I have not deceived
you in anything else, auntie. You
believe me, don't you?" I said, "Indeed
I do."
A very dear friend calling to see her
one afternoon, who had not seen her
since she was called by divine grace,
said in the course of conversation,
"Well, my dear, there are times and
seasons, I have no doubt, when you can
say you would not have it otherwise, but
that it was good for you to be afflicted?"
She turned very red, paused, then said
with her usual candour, "I cannot say
that, Miss G——." After her departure,
she said, "Auntie, I wish to be submissive
to the will of the Lord, but I felt I
could not say that I have ever had a
time when I would not have it otherwise."
A friend calling one evening, spoke in
a very solemn manner of those who had
a false enjoyment, and put some close
questions to her. She said little, but
after he was gone seemed much put out,
and said, "I know I cannot talk like
those he visits. I expect he thinks there
is nothing in me. What do you say,
auntie?" I said, "He was certainly
very searching, my dear, but I don't
think you understood him. He is so
afraid of any one resting on a wrong
foundation, and knowing what a very
delicate state of health you were in, he
was anxious to know if you were resting
on Christ, and Christ alone, for salvation."
"Well," she said, "I felt dumb.
I expect he thinks very badly of me."
Her strength seemed to go daily. As
Christmas drew near, she said, "Auntie,
let everything go on the same as it has
done other years. Make no difference
for me. Invite your friends for the day
as usual." But we felt it a very solemn
time, and hard work to put on the appearance
of cheerfulness, feeling sure,
ere another Christmas came, her place
would be vacant, and she in eternity.
Her dear little cousin was a great
sufferer at times all through her illness,
and it became apparent that she, too,
was fast hastening home. I said to
Carrie one day, "I used to feel, dear,
that I should have you to leave to see
after our dear Flo, if we were taken,
but it seems the Lord's will to take you,
and I sometimes think she won't be
long." She answered, "No, I don't
think she will; but she will be safe whenever
she goes."
We could have but few quiet times
together after this, through the serious
illness and death of her dear cousin, but
she was wonderfully buoyed up at this
time with the assurance that nothing
was too hard for the Lord, and apparently
rested upon it, for when I was
alluding to her sad state of health, she
said, "I know I am beyond the power
of earthly physicians to cure, auntie;
but, you know, nothing is too hard for
the Lord."
After the death of her cousin, she was
most anxious to have her mourning
made, which we felt sorry for, as it
seemed such a clinging to life; but we
found it was only a natural desire to
show her love for her dear little cousin.
At any rate, the wish gradually left her,
and all things of an earthly nature lost
their charm.
One day she said, "I have no wish to
join in anything now. I don't feel to
want to go and witness anything. That
is a blessing the Lord only can give,
isn't it?" I said, "Yes," knowing
what great delight she used to take in
many things, and how active she had
been, especially in anything connected
with the chapel or Sabbath School.
After this darkness set in. The Word
of God was as a sealed Book, and she
had no spiritual enjoyment, which she
much deplored; also, the visits of our
dear Pastor and her uncle failed to give
any comfort.
One day, after a doze in the easy
chair, she said, "Was it not strange?
It seemed as if, when I was sleeping, a
little boy came to me, and said, 'The
Lord hath not forgotten thee, so live in
peace.' It did seem so strange to see
the little boy come up and say this.
What do you think of it?" I said, "I
cannot tell."
She grew rapidly worse, and our dear
nurse thought it advisable to ask the
doctor to call, as he had not been for a
few days. He came, and said she might
be gone in twenty-four hours, or might
linger a few days, but the beginning of
the end had taken place. Our dear
Pastor went and spoke a few words to
her ere he left, and said, "Ah! dear, it
is well with you," and other words of
comfort. But after he was gone she
was much cast down, and said, "Oh,
why did he say that? I don't feel it
will be well." Then, after a little while,
she said, "Do you think I am much
worse?" "Yes, dear," I replied. "Do
you think I shall die?" I said, "I fear
you will." Then she said, "Oh, auntie,
what trouble I am in! I fear I have
deceived you and myself, and that I
shall go to hell." I replied, "But, my
dear, you have had some sweet promises
applied with power, haven't you?"
"Oh, I've thought so, but if I have been
deceiving myself?" I said, "You have
had a desire after these things, have
you not?" "Oh, yes!" she replied.
"Then," I said, "I feel assured, my
dear, you would not have had a real
desire if you were a deceiver." She
said, "Auntie, what shall I do? I feel I
can't die like this; but I can't do anything,
can I?" Wringing her hands in
agony of mind, she cried, "Do, please,
Lord, come! Do come! Oh, dear Lord
Jesus, do please come!" She continued
in much distress, until I felt quite unequal
to talk to her, and said, "My
dear, shall I send for some one?" She
replied, "Oh, no, auntie; don't send for
any one. The Lord must do it all"
(laying great stress on the all); "but do
pray for me, that He will appear." Her
distress of mind was very great. No
words or texts of Scripture named gave
her any comfort. I left the room for a
short time, leaving her in the care of
our dear nurse (of whom she was very
fond), and on my return, found she had
had a nice sleep. Going up to her, she
said, "How can I thank you enough?"
I said, "Don't say a word about that,
dear. My earnest desire is, that you
may get a word from the Lord." Her
countenance looked so placid, and she
said, "I have, auntie." I said, "Is
Jesus precious to you as your Saviour?
Can you trust Him?" She replied,
"Yes. These words came—'Fear not; I
will be with you,' and I think He will.
Yes, His promises stand good. 'He'll
never, no, never, no, never forsake.'"
She then dozed again. I saw her lips
moving, and caught the words, "With
Christ in the vessel I smile at the storm,"
having evidently been repeating that
beautiful hymn of Newton's, "Begone
unbelief, my Saviour is near."
After this she had a little time of
peace. The next morning, on being
asked if the Lord had again given her
comfort, "Yes," she said; "He has
promised that, when through fiery trials
He'll cause me to go, He will be with
me."
Darkness again took possession of
her mind, and she was often saying,
"Oh, to be a castaway!" She said she
would like her uncle to come, which he
did. On his approaching the bed, she
said, "Oh, uncle, what will become of
me if I am a deceiver? I shall be lost!"
He took her hand, and said, "Jesus
came to save the lost, so you see, dear,
you are one. 'The whole need not a physician,
but those who are sick.'" After
a few words, he engaged in prayer. She
then dozed, and was never again so
harassed by the enemy of souls.
On Friday morning she was much
favoured with the Lord's presence, and
longed to "depart and be with Christ,"
saying repeatedly, "Do, dear Lord
Jesus, take me to-day! I do so want
to go!" I said, "We must wait His
time." "Yes," she replied—
"Till He bids, I cannot die;
Not a single shaft can hit
Till the God of love sees fit."
Her throat and breathing at this time
were very bad, and she asked the doctor
when he came if he could relieve her at
all. He said he was afraid he could
not, but it would not be long. After he
was gone she again said, "I do so hope
the Lord will take me to-day. Do come,
Lord Jesus; do come! Oh, how I long
to go! What a glorious meeting it will
be for me, if I am right!" Then clasping
her dear hands together, she said,
with such a sweet smile as nurse and I
shall never forget, "Oh, blissful home!
What a glorious meeting! I shall see
Christ in all His beauty!"
In the afternoon her breathing altered,
and she seemed gently passing away.
Looking up so sweetly, she said, "Am I
dying, auntie?" I answered, "Yes,
dear; it won't be long now. You want to
go, don't you?" "Oh, yes," she replied.
Her difficulty of breathing returned, and
she suffered much through the night.
In the morning she said, "You thought
me dying yesterday, and the doctor
too; but the dear Lord did not, did
He? It was not His time." She continued
very ill through the day—scarcely
able to speak. Towards night she
slightly rallied, and looking up at the
clock, said, "Oh, the night!" She had
often during her illness dreaded the
nights. I said, "You know that beautiful
hymn, dear—'Sun of my soul'?"
She took it up, and said—
"Thou Saviour dear,
It is not night if Thou be near;
Oh, may no earth-born cloud arise,
To hide Thee from Thy servant's eyes,"
after which she did not say any more
about the night.
Her dear Pastor and others bade her
"good-bye," but her breathing was too
bad for her to speak, until about two
o'clock, when she startled the dear
friend who was sitting up and myself
by turning round, calmly putting her
hand in mine, and, with a kiss, said,
"Good-bye." Then turning to Mrs.
T——, she did the same to her, and then
very quietly remarked, "You don't hear
it now, auntie?"—alluding to the rattles.
I said, "No; the conflict will soon be
over, darling." Still, it was not yet
ended—not until a quarter to four on
the 8th of May, 1887, was her soul permitted
to "depart and be with Christ,"
whom she had longed to see in all His
beauty.