Name: The limerick up to date book
Author: Ethel Watts Mumford Grant

Good Resolutions.

Good Resolutions.

John woke on Jan. first and felt queer;

Said, “Crackers I’ll swear off this year!

For the lobster and wine

And the rabbit were fine,

And it certainly wasn’t the beer.”

January

Janvier 1

Kanji January 2

Januar 3

Aquarius ♒︎︎ 4

Enero 5

Hiragana January 6

Gennaio 7

Beware of Rash Judgments.

Jan.

Beware of Rash Judgments.

A dame at the beaches of Florida,

All the ladies said couldn’t be horrider;

But she proved them all wrong,

And she said, “Go along!”

While the climate grew torrid and torrider.

January

Janvier 8

Kanji January 9

Januar 10

Aquarius ♒︎ 11

Enero 12

Hiragana January 13

Gennaio 14

Ἰανουάριος 15

Flattery.

Flattery.

Said the lady, “With you I’ll not go,

You’re reported to be far from slow.”

Said he, turning red,

With a smile quite o’erspread—

“O Madame, don’t flatter me so!”

January

Janvier 16

Kanji January 17

Januar 18

Aquarius ♒︎ 19

Enero 20

Hiragana January 21

Gennaio 22

Ἰανουάριος 23

Lavishness.

Jan.

Lavishness.

There was a young lady named Julie,

Who was terribly fond of patchouli;

She used bottles seven,

’Til she smelt up to heaven,

Which made all the angels unruly.

January

Janvier 24

Kanji January 25

Januar 26

Aquarius ♒︎ 27

Enero 28

Hiragana January 29

Gennaio 30

Ἰανουάριος 31

The Wicked Punster.

The Wicked Punster.

Said a sporty young person named Groat,

Who owned an old race-horse of note,

“I consider it smart

To lunch a la cart,

But the horse always takes table d’oat.”

February

Février 1

Kanji February 2

Februar 3

Pisces ♓︎ 4

Febrero 5

Hiragana February 6

Febbraio 7

The Church-Goer.

Feb.

The Church-Goer.

There was a young man who said, “There,

I will sneak out during this prayer!”

But the squeak of his shoes

So enlivened the pews,

That he sat down again in despair.

February

Février 8

Kanji February 9

Februar 10

Pisces ♓︎ 11

Febrero 12

Hiragana February 13

Febbraio 14

Speak Kindly.

Speak Kindly.

She’s so homely you’d think she would smother,

And her back view is just like her brother.

Her eyes are both bent,

And her nose is a dent;

But then, “she’s so good to her mother!”

February

Février 15

Kanji February 16

Februar 17

Pisces ♓︎ 18

Febrero 19

Hiragana February 20

Febbraio 21

Good Manners.

Feb.

Good Manners.

There was a young person of Tottenhem,

Whose manners, Good Lord! she’d forgotten ’em.

When she went to the vicar’s,

She took off her knickers,

Because she said she was hot in ’em.

February

Février 22

Kanji February 23

Februar 24

Pisces ♓︎ 25

Febrero 26

Hiragana February 27

Febbraio 28

Appearances are Deceitful.

Appearances are Deceitful.

There was a young lady of Skye,

With a shape like a capital I;

She said, “It’s too bad!

But then I can pad,”—

Which shows you that figures can lie.

March

Mars 1

Kanji March 2

März 3

Aries ♈︎ 4

Marzo 5

Hiragana March 6

Μάρτιος 7

Tact.

March

Tact.

There was a bright person named Biddle,

Who asked everybody a riddle.

When asked, “Can you tell

The answer as well?”

He replied, “I begin in the middle.”

March

Mars 8

Kanji March 9

März 10

Aries ♈︎ 11

Marzo 12

Hiragana March 13

Μάρτιος 14

Sculpture.

Sculpture.

There was an old sculptor named Phidias,

Whose knowledge of Art was invidious.

He carved Aphrodite

Without any nightie—

Which startled the purely fastidious.

March

Mars 15

Kanji March 16

März 17

Aries ♈︎ 18

Marzo 19

Hiragana March 20

Μάρτιος 21

Intemperance.

March

Intemperance.

There once was a baker named Dunn,

Who always was out for the fun,

And although it was said

He was very well bred,

He spent all his dough on a “bun”!

March

Mars 22

Kanji March 23

März 24

Aries ♈︎ 25

Marzo 26

Hiragana March 27

Μάρτιος 28

The Careful Buyer.

The Careful Buyer.

There was an old man of Madrid,

Who went to an auction to bid;

He bought, if you please,

A case of old cheese—

But oh, Gosh! when they lifted the lid!

March

Mars 29

Kanji March 30

März 31

A Quiet Life.

April

A Quiet Life.

An Abbess whom all did admire,

To holiness much did aspire.

When asked to a ball,

She replied, “Not at all;

I’ve another engagement that’s Prior.”

April

Avril 1

Kanji April 2

April 3

Taurus ♉︎ 4

Abril 5

Hiragana April 6

Aprile 7

Gentleness.

Gentleness.

There was a fair maiden of Siam,

Who said to her lover, “O Priam,

You may kiss me, of course,

But you’ve got to use force—

And, God knows, you are stronger than I am!”

April

Avril 8

Kanji April 9

April 10

Taurus ♉︎ 11

Abril 12

Hiragana April 13

Aprile 14

Ἀπρίλιος 15

Exasperation.

April

Exasperation.

There was an old person named Sam,

Who was wearied of Omar Khayyam.

Fitzgerald, you know,

Is the whole of the show;

But this cult and this music, “Oh, d——!”

April

Avril 16

Kanji April 17

April 18

Taurus ♉︎ 19

Abril 20

Hiragana April 21

Aprile 22

Ἀπρίλιος 23

The Kind Beadle.

The Kind Beadle.

There was an old lady of Threedle,

Who sat down in church on a needle;

Tho’ deeply embedded,

’Twas luckily threaded,

And quickly pulled out by the beadle.

April

Avril 24

Kanji April 25

April 26

Taurus ♉︎ 27

Abril 28

Hiragana April 29

Aprile 30

Improper Language.

May

Improper Language.

There was a fair maid of Oshkosh,

Who on Tuesday cried out, “Oh, by Gosh!”

For up on the roof

There was ocular proof

That some one had stolen the wash.

May

Mai 1

Kanji May 2

Mäi 3

Gemini ♊︎ 4

Mayo 5

Hiragana May 6

Maggio 7

Make the Best of Adverse Circumstances.

Make the Best of Adverse Circumstances.

There was a young person named Clyde,

Who was once at a funeral espied.

When asked who was dead,

He smilingly said:

“I don’t know—I just came for the ride.”

May

Mai 8

Kanji May 9

Mäi 10

Gemini ♊︎ 11

Mayo 12

Hiragana May 13

Maggio 14

Devotion.

May

Devotion.

There once was a fellow most kind,

Who, when loving, went at it quite blind.

He said, “That’s all right,

But she’s so out of sight

That I can’t keep her out of my mind!”

May

Mai 15

Kanji May 16

Mäi 17

Gemini ♊︎ 18

Mayo 19

Hiragana May 20

Maggio 21

Always Save for a Rainy Day.

Always Save for a Rainy Day.

There was a young lady named Jane,

Who went out to walk in the rain;

Her skirts were so lacey

It really was racey,

And drove all the chappies insane.

May

Mai 22

Kanji May 23

Mäi 24

Gemini ♊︎ 25

Mayo 26

Hiragana May 27

Maggio 28

Be Careful.

May

Be Careful.

There was a young man from the Cape,

Who always wore trousers of crêpe.

When asked, “Do they tear?”

He replied, “Here and there—

But they keep such a wonderful shape.”

May

Mai 29

Kanji May 30

Mäi 31

Seize Opportunities.

Seize Opportunities.

There was an old lady of Lee,

Who invited the curate to tea.

He said, “You quite shine

In the housewifely line.”

“Oh, this is so sudden!” said she.

June

Juin 1

Kanji June 2

Juni 3

Cancer ♋︎ 4

Junio 5

Hiragana June 6

Giugno 7

Seek After Knowledge.

June

Seek After Knowledge.

A man with the brain of a linnet

Asked forty-two questions a minute.

When they said, “Mind your biz!”

He said, “Envy it is,

’Cause you know just how strictly I’m in it.”

June

Juin 8

Kanji June 9

Juni 10

Cancer ♋︎ 11

Junio 12

Hiragana June 13

Giugno 14

Ἰούνιος 15

Respect for Age.

Respect for Age.

There was an old beau of Formosa,

Who ne’er was content with a “No, sah!”

The strength of his arm

Oft excited alarm,

And his motto was “closah and closah.”

June

Juin 16

Kanji June 17

Juni 18

Cancer ♋︎ 19

Junio 20

Hiragana June 21

Giugno 22

Ἰούνιος 23

Uncertainty.

June

Uncertainty.

A lady once had a bad habit:

She couldn’t see cheese but she’d nab it.

She said, “Memory fails—

Is the rabbit from Wales?

Or do the wails come from the rabbit?”

June

Juin 24

Kanji June 25

Juni 26

Cancer ♋︎ 27

Junio 28

Hiragana June 29

Giugno 30

Retort Courteous.

Retort Courteous.

There was a young lady of Wilts,

Who walked all through Scotland on stilts.

When they said, “Oh, how shocking,

To see so much stocking!”

She said, “How about you and your kilts?”

July

Juillet 1

Kanji July 2

Juli 3

Leo ♌︎ 4

Julio 5

Hiragana July 6

Luglio 7

Generosity.

July

Generosity.

There was a young lady of Venice,

Who used hard-boiled eggs to play tennis.

When they cried, “You are wrong!”

She replied, “Go along—

You don’t know how prolific my hen is.”

July

Juillet 8

Kanji July 9

Juli 10

Leo ♌︎ 11

Julio 12

Hiragana July 13

Luglio 14

Art.

Art.

There was a fair dame whose manœuvre

Was to get her portrait in the Louvre;

But they sent it away

The very first day—

And it’s now in a dive in Vancouvre.

July

Juillet 15

Kanji July 16

Juli 17

Leo ♌︎ 18

Julio 19

Hiragana July 20

Luglio 21

Comparisons are Odious.

July

Comparisons are Odious.

A talented artist (Ed Lanseer),

Said, “Beau Brummel, I won’t paint these pants here;

I assure you, I can’t see

That they are so fancy—

Why, last week I saw a dog-fancier.”

July

Juillet 22

Kanji July 23

Juli 24

Leo ♌︎ 25

Julio 26

Hiragana July 27

Luglio 28

Inspiration.

Inspiration.

An old person who lived by his pen,

Cried, “Goody! I’ve got ’em again!

A poem I’ll write,

’Bout the dawning of night,

That will easily collar a ten!”

July

Juillet 29

Kanji July 30

Juli 31

Popularity.

Aug.

Popularity.

A musician there was—Paderewski—

Who never would drink nor would chewski;

As a Matineé blade,

He made Hackett afraid,

And quite broke the heart of John Drewski.

August

Août 1

Kanji August 2

August 3

Virgo ♍︎ 4

Agosto 5

Hiragana August 6

Αὔγουστος 7

Truth.

Maude and a man almost invisible in a dark corner

Truth.

There was a young lady named Maude,

Who said she was “awfully boahed,”

For all men she hated,

Both single and mated—

But in the dark corners—Good Lawd!

August

Août 8

Kanji August 9

August 10

Virgo ♍︎ 11

Agosto 12

Hiragana August 13

Agosto 14

Αὔγουστος 15

A Good Girl.

Aug.

A Good Girl.

Eliza she never was nifty,

She was kindly and gentle and thrifty;

She gave poor people pies,

And she never made eyes—

But then—she was seven and fifty!

August

Août 16

Kanji August 17

August 18

Virgo ♍︎ 19

Agosto 20

Hiragana August 21

Agosto 22

Αὔγουστος 23

Do Not be Persistent.

There once was a promising hound,

The fleetest that ever was found;

But his friends all declare,

That when chasing the hare,

He was running things into the ground.

August

Août 24

Kanji August 25

August 26

Virgo ♍︎ 27

Agosto 28

Hiragana August 29

Agosto 30

Αὔγουστος 31

Never Swear.

Sept.

Never Swear.

A kindly old person named Tom,

Manufactured a dynamite bomb.

One day in annoy,

He cast it at a boy,—

Saying, “Gracious! I nearly said Domn!”

September

Septembre 1

Kanji September 2

September 3

Libra ♎︎ 4

Setiembre 5

Hiragana September 6

Settembre 7

Self-Sufficiency.

Belle Nell on the sand holding her own hand

Self-Sufficiency.

There was a young damsel named Nell,

Who considered herself quite a belle.

She sat on the sand,

And held her own hand,

And never got on to the swell.

September

Septembre 8

Kanji September 9

September 10

Libra ♎︎ 11

Setiembre 12

Hiragana September 13

Settembre 14

The Young Nimrod.

Sept.

The Young Nimrod.

Young Henry went out for to shoot,

With a gun and a high rubber boot;

He shot an old goat,

A guide and a shoat—

But he’s best when he’s shooting the chute.

September

Septembre 15

Kanji September 16

September 17

Libra ♎︎ 18

Setiembre 19

Hiragana September 20

Settembre 21

Σεπτέμβριος 22

Foresight.

Foresight.

There was an old man of Tarrentum,

Who sat on his false teeth and bent ’um

When asked what he’d lost,

And what they had cost,

He replied, “I don’t know, I just rent ’um.”

September

Septembre 23

Kanji September 24

September 25

Libra ♎︎ 26

Setiembre 27

Hiragana September 28

Settembre 29

Σεπτέμβριος 30

Society.

Oct.

Society.

There was a fair charmer named Jones,

And the lions from various zones

At her house came and roared

In a beautiful chord,

As she fed them elaborate bones.

October

Octobre 1

Kanji October 2

Oktober 3

Scorpio ♏︎ 4

Octubre 5

Hiragana October 6

Ottobre 7

At a Cursory Glance.

At a Cursory Glance.

A curate once smote at a tee,

And threw his new club up a tree,

Saying, “Fie!! My!! Oh, dear!!!

I must give up, I fear,

Either golf or the ministree!”

October

Octobre 8

Kanji October 9

Oktober 10

Scorpio ♏︎ 11

Octubre 12

Hiragana October 13

Ottobre 14

Ὀυτώμβριος 15

High Ideals.

Oct.

High Ideals.

There was a young man who said, “Oh,

Why, lucre’s so filthy and low!”

But his friends said, “Oh, shoo!

That’s too good to be true—

You can bet that he’s after the dough!”

October

Octobre 16

Kanji October 17

Oktober 18

Scorpio ♏︎ 19

Octubre 20

Hiragana October 21

Ottobre 22

Ὀυτώμβριος 23

Compensation.

Compensation.

There was a fair girl named Elaine,

Who, one March day, went out dressed en train;

The wind tried to be rude,

But her costume was glued—

’Tis better sometimes to be vain.

October

Octobre 24

Kanji October 25

Oktober 26

Scorpio ♏︎ 27

Octubre 28

Hiragana October 29

Ottobre 30

Ὀυτώμβριος 31

The Lovers.

Nov.

The Lovers.

A lover in China, named Kin,

Sang soft serenades with great din;

With his eye to a crack

In the wall at the back—

And they said, “’Tis the lute of Peek-in!”

November

Novembre 1

Kanji November 2

November 3

Sagitarius ♐︎ 4

Noviembre 5

Hiragana November 6

Novembre 7

Don’t Be a Rounder.

There was a fair maid named O’Neil,

Who went up in the great Ferris Wheel;

On the thirty-fourth round

She looked down at the ground—

And it cost her an 80-cent meal.

November

Novembre 8

Kanji November 9

November 10

Sagitarius ♐︎ 11

Noviembre 12

Hiragana November 13

Novembre 14

Hospitality.

Nov.

Hospitality.

A tenderfoot out in the West

Said, “Afternoon tea’s such a rest!”

So they knocked off his hat

As they punched his nose flat,

And shot all the checks off his vest.

November

Novembre 15

Kanji November 16

November 17

Sagitarius ♐︎ 18

Noviembre 19

Hiragana November 20

Novembre 21

Νοέμβριος 22

Perseverance.

Perseverance.

There was an old person named Tate

Who out fishing went early and late.

When the fish gave a tug,

Then he pulled on the jug,

And the thing that he caught was a skate.

November

Novembre 23

Kanji November 24

November 25

Sagitarius ♐︎ 26

Noviembre 27

Hiragana November 28

Novembre 29

Νοέμβριος 30

Modesty.

Dec.

Modesty.

There once was a sensitive bride,

Who ran when the groom she espied.

When they put on her veil

She set up a wail,

And when the priest blessed her, she cried.

December

Décembre 1

Kanji December 2

Dezember 3

Capricorn ♑︎ 4

Diciembre 5

Hiragana December 6

Dicembre 7

Know Your True Worth.

Know Your True Worth.

Said a Rooster, “I’d have you all know

I am nearly the whole of the show;

Why, the Sun every morn

Gets up with the dawn

For the purpose of hearing me crow!”

December

Décembre 8

Kanji December 9

Dezember 10

Capricorn ♑︎ 11

Diciembre 12

Hiragana December 13

Dicembre 14

A Good Reason.

Dec.

A Good Reason.

There was a young man of Fort Blainey,

Who proposed to a typist named Janey;

When his friends cried, “Oh, dear!

She’s so old and so queer!”

He replied, “But the day was so rainy!”

December

Décembre 15

Kanji December 16

Dezember 17

Capricorn ♑︎ 18

Diciembre 19

Hiragana December 20

Dicembre 21

Recklessness.

Luter Sir Guy under attack by mosquitoes

Recklessness.

Sir Guy was an amorous knight,

Who costumed himself in a tight.

It was taking a chance

To go without pants,

In case the mosquitoes should bite.

December

Décembre 22

Kanji December 23

Dezember 24

Capricorn ♑︎ 25

Diciembre 26

Hiragana December 27

Dicembre 28

Thrift.

Dec.

Thrift.

There was a good dame of Cape Horn,

Whose clothing was tattered and torn.

She remarked, debonnaire,

As she pinned up her hair:

“Three bargains I purchased this morn.”

December

Décembre 29

Kanji December 30

Dezember 31

Transcriber’s Note

Depending on the hard- and software used to read this text and their settings, not all elements may display as intended. The Memoranda pages are intentionally left blank as they were in the source document.

The spelling in this e-text is that of the original work. A few obvious minor typographical errors have been corrected silently.

THE LIMERICK UP TO DATE BOOK

Good Resolutions.

Beware of Rash Judgments.

Flattery.

Lavishness.

The Wicked Punster.

The Church-Goer.

Speak Kindly.

Good Manners.

Appearances are Deceitful.

Tact.

Sculpture.

Intemperance.

The Careful Buyer.

A Quiet Life.

Gentleness.

Exasperation.

The Kind Beadle.

Improper Language.

Make the Best of Adverse Circumstances.

Devotion.

Always Save for a Rainy Day.

Be Careful.

Seize Opportunities.

Seek After Knowledge.

Respect for Age.

Uncertainty.

Retort Courteous.

Generosity.

Art.

Comparisons are Odious.

Inspiration.

Popularity.

Truth.

A Good Girl.

Do Not be Persistent.

Never Swear.

Self-Sufficiency.

The Young Nimrod.

Foresight.

Society.

At a Cursory Glance.

High Ideals.

Compensation.

The Lovers.

Don’t Be a Rounder.

Hospitality.

Perseverance.

Modesty.

Know Your True Worth.

A Good Reason.

Recklessness.

Thrift.

Transcriber’s Note