MY dear old relation whom we have found out so suddenly, and whom I am
quite ashamed to have once thought to be a kind of usurper of something
that belonged to me, has been too much distressed and troubled
altogether about this business to have the trouble of writing it down as
well; and I have so little, so strangely little, to take up my time just
now. The days are somehow all blank, with nothing ever happening in
them. In my mind I can always see the ship making way over the sea, with
the same rush of green water, and the same low-falling, quiet sky, and
no other ships in sight. It has been very quiet weather—that is a great
mercy. They should be almost landed there by this time.
But that is not my business just now. My dear Aunt Milly—it is true she
is only my father’s cousin, but cousin is an awkward title between
people of such different age, and, according to Sara Cresswell, she is
my aunt, à la mode de Bretagne, which I don’t mind adopting without
any very close inquiry into its meaning—made an engagement with us to
come to our house the next morning after that first day we met her.
Harry came home from the Cresswells that night in raptures with Aunt
Milly. It was rather hard upon me to see him so pleased. Of course I
knew very well what made him so pleased. He thought he had secured a
home for me. He was never tired praising her in his way. I am not
exactly sure whether she herself would have relished the praises he gave
her, because he has a sad habit of talking slang like all the rest. But
apart from any reason, he took to her, which it is a great pleasure to
think of now. When we got home Mr. Luigi’s window was blazing with light
just as it had done when he returned before; for Domenico seems to be
quite of the opinion that candles are articles of love and welcome as
well as of devotion. Harry, who had quite made acquaintance with the
Italian gentleman when he was at home before, went in to see him, and I
went upstairs to baby. I used to take comfort in getting by myself a
little, just at that time. Ten minutes in my own room in the dark did me
a great deal of good. When one takes an opportunity and gets it out of
one’s heart now and then, one can go on longer and better—at least I
have found it so.
Lizzie, always watchful, was very ready to let me hear that she was
close at hand. The moment she heard me open my own room-door, she began
to move about in the back apartment where she kept watch over baby, and
I do believe it was only by dint of strong self-denial that she did not
burst in upon me at once. I can’t fancy what she thought would happen if
I “gave way.” It must have taken some very terrible shape to her fancy.
After I had my moment of repose, I went to baby’s room. He was asleep
like a little cherub in Mrs. Goldsworthy’s old wicker-work cradle, which
I had trimmed with chintz for him; and Lizzie sat by the table working,
but looking up at me with her sharp suspicious eyes—sidelong
inquisitive looks, full of doubts of my fortitude, and anxiety for me.
It was all affection, poor child. When one has affectionate creatures
about one, it is impossible to be hard or shut one’s self up. I had no
choice but to stop and tell Lizzie about my new friend.
“Oh, it was thon leddy was at the muckle gates, and warned us away for
the kingcough,” cried Lizzie; “I minded her the very moment at the door.
I was sure as could be from the first look that it was some friend.”
“Some friend,” in Lizzie’s language meant some relation. I asked in
wonder, “Why?”
But Lizzie could not explain why; it was one of those unreasonable
impressions which are either instinctively prophetic, or which are
adopted unconsciously after the event has proved them true.
“But you were never slow where help was needed or comfort,” said Lizzie,
dropping her eyes and ashamed of her own compliment; “and I kent there
was somebody to be sent to comfort you; and wha could it be but a
friend? For naebody could take you like the way you took me.”
I suppose Lizzie’s view of things, being the simplest, had power over
me. I was struck by this way of regarding it. Perhaps I had not just
been thinking of what was sent. I felt as if that tight binding over
my heart relaxed a little. Ah! so well as the Sender knew all about
it—all my loneliness, dismay, and troubles; all my Harry’s risks and
dangers; all our life beyond—inscrutable dread life which I dared not
attempt to look at—and everything that was in it. I held my breath, and
was silent in this wide world that opened out to me through Lizzie’s
words.
“And eh, mem,” cried Lizzie, opening her eyes wide, “I was sent for down
the stair.”
“Where?” cried I in astonishment.
“I was sent for down the stair,” said Lizzie, with the oddest blush and
twist of her person. “Menico, he’s aye been awfu’ ill at me since I
wouldna gang to the playhouse after it was a’ settled—as if I could
gang to play mysel’ the very day the news came! and eh, when he came up
and glowered in at the door, and Mrs. Goldsworthy beside him, and no a
person but me in oor house, I was awfu’ feared. Her being English,
they were like twa foreigners thegither; and how was I to ken what they
were wantin’? The only comfort I had was mindin’ upon the Captain’s
sword. It was aye like a protection. But a’ they said was that Mrs.
Goldsworthy would stop beside baby, and I was to gang down the stair and
speak to the gentleman. I thought shame to look as if I was feared—but
I was awfu’ feared for a’ that.”
“And what then?”
“I had to gang,” said Lizzie, holding down her head; “he was sleeping
sound, and I kent I could hear the first word of greetin’ that was in
his head; I could hear in ony corner o’ the house; and Mrs.
Goldsworthy gied me her word she would sit awfu’ quiet and not disturb
him. Eh, mem, are ye angry? I never did it afore, and I’ll never do it
again.”
“No, you must not do it again,” said I; “but who wanted you downstairs?”
“Eh, it was the Italian gentleman,” said Lizzie; “and it was a’ about
the leddy that was here the day. He wanted to ken if she was wanting
him; and then he wanted to hear if I kent her, and what friend she was
to you; but it was mostly a’ to make certain that it wasn’t him she
wanted—as if a leddy like yon was likely to have ony troke wi’
foreigners or strange men! and there was aye the other blatter to
Menico in their ain language—and ower again, and ower again to me, if
it wasna him she asked for. And me standing close at the door
listening for baby, and thinking shame to be there, and awfu’ feared you
would be angry. I would like to ken what the like of him had to do wi’
leddies?—and Menico, too, that might have kent better—but there’s
naebody will behave to please folk perfect in this world.”
“But this is very strange news,” said I. “What did you say, Lizzie? did
you say it was Miss Mortimer, and that she was a relation of mine.”
“Eh, no me!” cried Lizzie. “Ye might think it to see me so silly, but I
wasna that daft. I said it was ane on a visit to the leddy. I had nae
ado with it ony mair than that, and I’m sure neither had he.”
Here Harry’s voice sounded from below, calling me, and I left Lizzie
somewhat amused by her cautious and prudent answer, and not a little
curious to see that the Italian was interested about the old lady as
well as she about him. I found Harry quite full of the same story. Mr.
Luigi had questioned him with great caution about Miss Mortimer, and of
course had heard the entire story from Harry of our relationship, and
how we found each other out. He had received it very quietly, without
expressing any feeling at all, and had asked some very close questions
about her and about the Park, and her other sister. Harry could not make
him out. Of course neither of us knew the other sister. Evidently it was
a mysterious business somehow. But as we knew nothing whatever about it,
we soon came to an end of our speculations. The morning, perhaps, as
Aunt Milly thought, would clear it all up.
THE morning came, and a very lovely morning it was, as bright and almost
as warm as summer, one of those glimpses of real spring which come to us
only by days at a time. Aunt Milly came almost before we had finished
breakfast. I dare say she is accustomed to early hours; but it was
evidently strong anxiety and excitement that had brought her out so soon
to-day. I had told Lizzie she was coming, and Lizzie, either with some
perception of the real nature of her visit, which I could not in any way
account for, or with natural Scotch jealousy and reluctance to satisfy
the curiosity of strangers as to our relationship, kept on the watch
after she had given baby into my charge, and got her triumphantly into
the house without any intervention on the part of Domenico. Aunt Milly
sank into a chair, very breathless and agitated. It was some time before
she could even notice little Harry. To see her so made me more and more
aware how serious this business, whatever it was, must be.
“But I am too early, I suppose?” she said with a little gasp.
Harry thought it was rather too early, unless he were to tell Mr. Luigi
plainly what he was wanted for, which she would not permit him to do. It
was a very uncomfortable interval. She sat silent, evidently with her
whole mind bent upon the approaching interview. We, neither knowing the
subject of it, nor what her anxiety was, had nothing to say, and I was
very glad when Harry went downstairs to find the Italian. Then Aunt
Milly made a hurried communication to me when we were alone, which
certainly did not explain anything, but which still she evidently felt
to be taking me into her confidence.
“My dear, Sarah knows something about him,” said Aunt Milly; “somehow or
other Sarah knows that he has a claim upon us. When she heard of the
inquiries he was making, she was in a state of desperation—used to
drive out with the carriage blinds down, poor soul, and kept watching
all day long, so wretched and anxious that it would have broken your
heart. But how it all is, and how about this Countess, and his being
named Luigi, and his claim upon the estate, and her knowing him—though,
so far as I can judge, he could be no more than born when she came
home—Hark! was that somebody coming upstairs?”
It was only some of the people of the house moving about. Aunt Milly
gave a sigh of relief. “My dear, I’m more and more anxious since I’ve
found you, to know the worst,” she said. “It is as great a mystery to
you as to your baby, how he can have any connection with us. Dear, dear!
to think of a quiet family, and such a family as the Mortimers, plunged
all at once into some mystery! it is enough to break one’s heart;—but
then, you see, Sarah was so long abroad.”
“Was she long abroad?” said I, with a little cry. All at once, and in
spite of myself, my old fancy about that old Miss Mortimer, whom I
imagined living in my grandfather’s house, came back to my mind. The
great beauty whom my good Mrs. Saltoun had seen abroad—how strange if
this should be her after all! Somehow my old imaginations had looked so
true at the time, that I seemed to remember them as if they were matters
of fact and not of fancy. I looked up, quite with a consciousness that I
knew something about it, in Aunt Milly’s face.
“What do you know about her?” cried Aunt Milly, rising up quite erect
and rigid out of her chair. Her excitement was extreme. She had
evidently gone beyond the point at which she could be surprised to find
any stranger throwing light upon her mystery. But at that moment those
steps for which we had been listening did ascend the stairs. We could
hear them talking as they approached, the Italian with his accent and
rather solemn dictionary English, and Harry’s voice that sounded so easy
in comparison. Aunt Milly sank back again into her chair. She grasped
the arms of it to support herself, and gave me a strange half-terrified,
half-courageous look. In another moment they had entered the room.
Mr. Luigi came in without any idea, I dare say, of the anxiety with
which we awaited him; but he had not been a minute in the room when his
quick eye caught Aunt Milly, though she had drawn back with an
involuntary movement of withdrawal from the crisis she had herself
brought on. I could read in his face, the instant he saw her, that he
divined the little contrivance by which he had been brought here. He
stood facing her after he had paid his respects to me, and took no
notice of the chair Harry offered him. As for Harry and I, not knowing
whether they really knew each other, or whether they ought to be named
to each other, or what to do, we stood very uncomfortable and
embarrassed behind. I said “Miss Mortimer,” instinctively, to lessen the
embarrassment if I could. I don’t believe he heard me. He knew Miss
Mortimer very well, however it was.
And it was he who was the first to break the silence. He made a kind of
reverence to her, more than a bow, like some sort of old-fashioned
filial demonstration. “Madame has something to say to me?” he asked,
with an anxiety in his face almost equal to her own.
“Yes,” cried Aunt Milly, “I—I have something to say to you. Sit down,
and let me get breath.”
He sat down, and so did we. To see her struggling to overcome the great
tremor of excitement she had fallen into, and we all waiting in silence
for her words, must have been a very strange scene. It was the merest
wonder and curiosity, of course, with Harry and me; but I remember
noticing even at that moment that Mr. Luigi was not surprised. He
evidently knew something to account for her agitation. He sat looking at
her, bending towards her with visible expectation of something. It was
no mystery to him.
“Sir—young man,” cried Aunt Milly, with a gasp, “I do not know you; you
are a stranger, a foreigner; you have nothing to do with this place.
What, in the name of heaven, is it that you have to do with mine or me?”
Mr. Luigi’s countenance fell. He was bitterly disappointed; it was
evident in his face. He drew a long breath and clasped his hands
together, half in resignation, half appealing against some hard fate.
“Ah!” he said, “I did hope otherwise—is it, indeed, indeed, that you
know not me?”
Aunt Milly gave a cry half of terror. “I recognise your voice,” she
said. “I see gleams in your face of faces I know. I am going out of my
wits with bewilderment and trouble; but as sure as you are there before
me, I know no more who you are than does the child who cannot speak.”
Mr. Luigi made no reply for some minutes. Then he made some exclamations
in Italian, scarcely knowing, I am sure, what he was saying. Then he
remembered himself. “Thing most strange! thing most terrible!” cried the
young man; “not even now!—not even now!” and he looked round to us with
such distress and amazement in his face, and with such an involuntary
call for our sympathy, though we knew nothing about it, that his look
went to my heart. Aunt Milly saw it, and was confounded by it. His
genuine wonder and strange grieved consciousness that she ought to have
known this secret, whatever it was, stopped her questions upon her lips.
She sat leaning forward looking at him, struck dumb by his looks. I was
so excited by the evident reserve on both sides, which implied the
existence of a third person whom neither would name, that I burst into
it, on the spur of the moment, without thinking whether what I said was
sensible or foolish. “Who?” I cried, “who is the other person that
knows?”
Both of them started violently; then their eyes met in a strange look of
intelligence. Aunt Milly fell back in her chair trembling dreadfully,
trembling so much that her teeth chattered. Mr. Luigi rose. “I am at
Madame’s disposition,” he said softly; “but what can I say? It is better
I be gone while I do not harm Madame, and make her ill. Pardon! it is
not I who am to blame!”
Saying so, he took Aunt Milly’s hand, kissed it, and turned to the door.
She called him back faintly. “Stop, I have not asked you rightly,” said
poor Aunt Milly. “Could not you tell me, without minding anybody else?
Are you—are you?—oh! who are you? I do beseech you tell me. If wrong
is done you, I have no hand in it. What is there to prevent you telling
me?”
“Ah, pardon. I know my duty,” said the young man. “If she will reject
me—then! but it is yet too early. I wait—I expect—she has not yet
said it to me.”
Aunt Milly gathered herself up gradually, with a strange fluttered look
in her eyes. “Reject you! God bless us! it is some mistake, after all.
Do you know who it is you are speaking of? Do you know if it is my
sister Sarah? She is my elder sister, ten years older than me,—old
enough to be your mother—is it she? or, oh, God help us! is it a
mistake?”
Mr. Luigi turned towards me for a moment, with a face melted out of all
reserve, into such affectionateness and emotion as I scarcely ever saw
on a man’s face. When she named her sister’s age, he said, “Ah!” with a
tone as if her words went to his heart. But that was all. He shook his
head. He said, “No more, no more,” and went slowly but steadily away. It
was no mistake. What she said conveyed no information to him. He knew
that Sarah’s age and all about her, better than her sister did, or I
was mistaken. What he said, and still more what he looked, brought a
strong sudden impression to my mind. I don’t know yet how I can be
right—if I am right it is the strangest thing in the world; but I know
it darted into my head that morning when Luigi’s face melted out so
strongly, and that cry which explained nothing came from his heart.
In the meantime, however, poor Aunt Milly sat wringing her hands and
more troubled than ever, repeating to herself bits of the conversation
which had just passed, and bits of other conversations which we knew
nothing about. Harry and I, a little uncomfortable, still tried to
occupy ourselves so that we should not hear anything she did not want us
to hear; but we did not wish to leave her either. At last Harry went out
altogether and left her alone with me, and by degrees she calmed down. I
do not wonder she was painfully excited. There could be little doubt
some strange, unnatural secret was concealed in her house.
“But you heard him say reject,” said Aunt Milly,—“if she rejected
him—do you feel quite sure he understood my last question? Not knowing
a language very well makes a wonderful difference; and what if he
supposed my sister a young woman, Milly? When I began to be troubled
about this business, I couldn’t but think that it was some old lover
Sarah was afraid of meeting, forgetting the lapse of time. She was a
great beauty once, you know. How do you suppose, now, an old woman could
reject a young man?”
“But there are other meanings of the word than as it is between young
women and young men,” said I; “he might mean disown.”
“He might mean disown,” repeated Aunt Milly slowly,—“disown; but,
dear, dear child,” she cried, immediately throwing off her first puzzled
hypothesis, and falling back at once into the real subject of her
trouble, “what can he be to Sarah that she could disown him? Before
you can disown a person he must belong to you. How could Mr. Luigi
belong to my sister? but, to be sure, it is folly to put such questions
to you that know nothing about it. Milly, dear, I’ll have to go home.”
“I am very, very sorry you are going home disappointed,” said I.
“Yes,” said Aunt Milly, with a great sigh, “it is hard to think one’s
somehow involved in doing wrong, my dear; it’s hard to live in the house
with your nearest friend, and not to know any more of her than if she
were a stranger. What was I saying? I never said so much to any creature
before. I take you as if you belonged to me, though you scarcely know me
yet, Milly. I’d like you to settle to come out as soon as possible,
dear. I’d like you to see Sarah, and tell me what you think.
Perhaps—there is no telling—she might say something to you.”
“But will she be pleased to know about us?” said I.
“It was her desire to seek for you,” said Aunt Milly. “She thought of
that, somehow, just before this trouble came on. Sometimes it has come
into my mind, that she thought if she found your father, he would have
protected her somehow. I can’t tell: it is all a great mystery to me.”
And so she went away after a while, looking very sorrowful; but came
back to tell me to put my bonnet on and come with her to Mr.
Cresswell’s, who was to drive her home. On our way there I suddenly felt
her grasp my arm and point forward a little way before us, where Mr.
Luigi was walking slowly along the road by Sara Cresswell’s side. Aunt
Milly came almost to a dead stop, looking at them. They were not
arm-in-arm, nor did they look as if they had met on purpose. I dare
say it was only by accident. Sara, as usual, was dressed in a great
velvet jacket, much larger and wider than the one she wore indoors, and
held her little head high, as if she quite meant to impress an idea of
her dignity upon the Italian, who had to stoop down a long way, and
perhaps did stoop down more than Aunt Milly and I saw to be exactly
necessary. They went the length of the street together, quite
unconscious of the critics behind them, and then separated, Mr. Luigi
marching off at a very brisk pace, and Sara continuing her way home. We
came up to her just as she reached her own door. She was certainly a
very pretty creature, and looked so fresh and blooming in the morning
air that I could not have scolded her a great deal, though I own I had a
very good mind to do my best in that way, while we were walking behind.
The moment she saw us she took guilt to herself. Her face glowed into
the most overpowering blush, and the little parasol in her hand fell out
of her trembling fingers. But, of course, her spirit did not forsake
her. She was not the person to yield to any such emergency.
“We have been walking after you for a long time,” said dear Aunt Milly,
in a voice which I have no doubt she supposed to be severe. “I should
have called you to wait for us, had I not seen you were otherwise
engaged.”
“Oh! then you saw Mr. Luigi, godmamma?” said Sara, quite innocently. “He
says he thinks he has found out where the Countess Sermoneta is.”
“The Countess Sermoneta!—oh, child, child, how can you speak so to
me?” cried Aunt Milly. “I don’t believe there is any such person in the
world. I believe he only makes a fuss about a name, no one ever heard
of, to cover his real designs, whatever they may be.”
“Godmamma!” cried Sara, with a flash of fury; “perhaps it will be better
to come indoors,” cried the little wicked creature (as Aunt Milly calls
her); “nobody, that I ever heard of, took away people’s characters in
the open street.”
Aunt Milly went in quickly, shaking her head and deeply troubled. The
renewal of this subject swept Sara’s enormity out of her head. We
followed, Sara bidding me precede her with a sort of affronted grandeur,
which, I confess, was a little amusing to me. When we came into the
dining-room, where Aunt Milly went first, the little girl confronted us
both, very ready to answer anything we had to say, and confute us to our
faces. But much to Sara’s surprise, and perhaps annoyance, Aunt Milly
did not say a word on the subject. She shook her head again more
energetically than ever. She was so much shaken on this one subject,
that other matters evidently glided out of her mind, whenever she was
recalled to this.
“No, no! depend upon it there’s no Countess Sermoneta. I believed in it
at first, naturally, as everybody else did. It may be a lady, but it
isn’t an Italian lady. No, no,” said Aunt Milly, mournfully; “he knows
better. He said nothing, you may be sure, about her to me.”
At this moment Mr. Cresswell entered the room, and a little after the
brougham came to the door. There was nothing more said on the subject.
Sara saw them drive away, with a flutter of fear, I could see; but she
need not have been afraid. Aunt Milly had returned into the
consideration of her own mystery, which swallowed up Sara’s. I do not
think, for my own part, that I had very Christian feelings towards Mr.
Luigi as I went home.
FOR a few days after I was occupied entirely with my own affairs. We had
promised to go to the Park to see that strange sister Sarah, who
troubled Aunt Milly’s mind so much; and we had, of course, to make some
little preparations for going—more, indeed, than were very convenient
at such a time, as you may very well suppose. However, Aunt Connor, who
had not paid the last half year’s interest, sent it just then, “all in a
lump,” as she said herself, “thinking it would do you more good;” as
indeed it did, though perhaps poor Aunt Connor had other motives than
that one for not sending it just when it was due. Harry was quite
pleased at the thought of going to the Park. He got leave of absence for
a few days; and, naturally, it was a satisfaction to him, after feeling
that he had been obliged to keep his wife in the shade so long, to say
that it was to my relations we were going. And what with all the
preparations for his going away as well, I was so very busy that I got
little leisure to think. It is very common to say what good
opportunities for thought one has in working at one’s needle—and it is
very true so far as quiet, leisurely work is concerned; but when it
happens to be making shirts and such things—and you know, with most
men, merely to say they are made at home is enough to make them feel
as if they did not fit,—it is quite a different matter. I was too busy,
both mind and fingers, to do much thinking; and that was far better for
me than if I had found more leisure. I used to go up to Lizzie’s room,
which we called the nursery, and work there. Baby sat on the carpet,
well protected with cushions, and furnished with things to play with. He
was not very particular—his playthings were of a very humble and
miscellaneous order; but I am sure he was as happy as a little king.
“And eh, isn’t it grand that his birthday’s come before the Captain
gangs away? He’ll, maybe, be back,” said Lizzie, peering into my face
with a sidelong look, “before another year.”
“Hush!” said I, hastily; “but you must remember, Lizzie, to be
particularly nice and tidy, and to look as if you were twenty, at least,
when we go to the Park.”
Here Lizzie drew herself up a little. “I’ve never been among a housefu’
o’ servants,” said Lizzie, “that’s true—but I’ve been wi’ a leddy, and
that suld learn folk manners better nor a’ the flunkeys in the world.
For Menico says, as well as I can understand him, that there’s twa
men-servants, and as mony maids as would fill a house. Eh, mem, wouldn’t
it be a great vexation to see a wheen idle folk aye in the road?
Menico’s no like a common man; there’s no an article he canna do; but as
for just flunkeys to hand the plates and do about a house—eh, if it was
me, I would think they werena men.”
“But Miss Mortimer’s man is not a flunkey; it was he who came with us in
the omnibus,” said I.
“Yon gentleman?” said Lizzie, in great dismay. “I thought he was a
minister; and eh, to think of him puttin’ on fires and waitin’ at the
table! I would far sooner be a woman mysel’.”
“And have you any objection to be a woman apart from that?” said I. “I
did not think you had been so ambitious, Lizzie. What would you do if
you were a man?”
Lizzie’s colour rose, and her work fell from her hand. “I would gang to
the wars with the Captain,” cried the girl, “I would aye make a spring
in before him where danger was. I would send word every day how he did,
and what he was doing. I would stand by our ain flag if they hacked me
in pieces. I wouldna let the Hielanders stay still, no a moment!—I
would dash them down on the enemy wi’ a’ their bayonets, and cry
‘Scotland and the Queen!’ and if we were killed, wha’s heeding!—it
would be worth a man’s while to die!”
This outburst was more than I could bear. I forgot to think it was only
Lizzie, a woman and a child, that spoke. I put my hands over my eyes to
shut out the prospect she brought before me, but only saw the picture
all the clearer, as my hand, with all its warm pulses beating, shut out
the daylight. I could see Harry rushing before them with his sword
drawn. I could hear his voice pealing out over their heads; I could see
the smoke close over him and swallow him up. Ah, heaven!—pictures and
stories are made out of such scenes. This creature by my side had flamed
up into exulting enthusiasm at the thought. How many hearts attended
those charging regiments, breaking against each other, heart upon
heart! It came to my heart to wonder, suddenly, whether there might not
be some young Russian woman, like me, imagining that fight. Her husband
and my Harry might meet under those dreadful flags,—she and I, would
not we meet, too, in our agony? I held out my arms to her with a cry of
anguish—we were sisters, though they were foes.
When I looked up Lizzie was crying bitterly, partly with her own
excitement, partly, because she saw how cruel her suggestion had been to
me. She did not mean it so, poor child. Baby sat playing all the time
among his cushions, crowing to himself over the bright-coloured ball he
had found under his heap of toys. I thought to myself he would laugh all
the same whatever happened, and wondered how I should bear to hear him.
But that was enough, that was too much. I stopped myself, as best I
could, from going on any further. I got some linen that had to be cut
out, and rose up to do it;—it was very delicate work. If I were not
very careful, a snip of the scissors, too much or too little, might
spoil all the stuff; for Harry was very fastidious, you know, about all
his things, like most young men. It took some trouble to steady my hand
enough—but I did manage it. I wonder what the Russian woman did, to
calm her agitation down.
Lizzie recovered very hastily when she saw what I was doing. She picked
up her work, and sewed for a long time so silently and swiftly, that the
snip of my scissors and the movement of her arm, as she drew through her
needle, were the only sounds, except those which baby made, to be heard
in the room. At last she took courage to address me with great humility,
asking only if it was “the day after the morn” that we were going to the
Park?
I nodded my head in return, and Lizzie took courage to go on. The next
question was whether the Italian gentleman would be there?
“The Italian gentleman! what has he to do with the Miss Mortimers?”
cried I.
“Eh, it’s no me said it,” cried Lizzie, in alarm; “but yesterday, the
day the leddy was here Menico was a’ the gate out there, ance errand wi’
a letter. I said what way did it no go to the post? and he said the post
wouldna do. But I wouldna let on the leddy was here.”
“He went out with a letter, did he?” said I, in much surprise. “Was that
where he was all day? I did not see him about till it was dark.”
“There maun be another leddy?” said Lizzie, inquisitively; “and he gaed
her some grand name or another. He’s awfu’ funny wi’ his names. He ca’s
baby Signorino and ragazzino, and I dinna ken a’ what. I looked them
up in the dictionary, and they were a’ right meanings enough. But it
wasna Miss Mortimer he ca’ed the other leddy. Eh, mem, isn’t Menico
getting grand at his English? and I’me aye improving mysel’ too,” said
Lizzie, with a little blush and awkward droop of her head.
I was not much in the humour for laughing at poor Lizzie’s
self-complacency; but I was rather anxious to hear all the gossip I
could get for Aunt Milly’s sake. I asked immediately “Were they kind to
Menico at the Park?”
Lizzie hesitated a little in her answer. “He’s rael clever at speaking,”
she said, apologetically,—I suppose finding it rather hard to go back
so soon after her laudation—“but when it’s a long story it’s no so easy
to ken—no a’ he means. But I’m no thinking they were very good to
him—for he was awfu’ angry when he came hame. And eh, to see him at his
dinner! You would think he hadna seen meat for a week. It’s no a guid
account of a house—no meaning ony harm of a great house like the Park,”
said Lizzie, reflectively,—“when a man comes awfu’ hungry hame.”
Here there was a little pause while Lizzie threaded her needle. I don’t
know whether she was indulging in any melancholy anticipations of the
hospitality of the Park. However, presently she resumed her story again.
“And eh, mem! far mair than that,” said Lizzie, making a fresh start,
“he brought back the very same letter just as it was—it might be
because the leddy was out, or I dinna ken what it might be; but I saw
him gi’e it back to the gentleman. And the gentleman, instead of being
angry, he just took the letter and shook his head, and set fire to it at
the candle. The door was open, and I saw him do it as I came up the
stairs. It gaed to my heart to see him burning the good letter,” said
Lizzie; “there was, maybe, something in’t that somebody might have likit
to hear.”
“But, Lizzie, don’t you know nobody has any business with a letter
except the person who wrote it, and the person it is addressed to?” said
I.
I spoke, I confess, in an admonitory spirit. We did not get very many
letters, but Harry was sadly careless of those he did get.
“Eh, but foreigners are no like other folk,” cried Lizzie; “there’s
something awfu’ queer in burning a letter, and it a’ sealed up. I
couldna find it in my heart;—and when it’s a long story, it’s awfu’
fickle to understand Domenico, the half o’ what he says.”
Lizzie ended with a sigh of unsatisfied curiosity. Perhaps, if I could
have done it, I might have been as anxious to cross-question Domenico as
she.
OUR little journey was arranged by Aunt Milly in the most comfortable
way she could think of for us. Harry would not consent to let her send
the carriage all the way. The railway was close to us, and it passed
about two miles from the Park, where there was a little station; and the
carriage was to meet us there. It was a very short journey, certainly;
but I remember when we were all in the train,—all—every one of us,—a
family entire and close together,—and especially at the moment when we
were passing through the tunnel, and felt in the darkness more entirely
separated from the world,—a sudden thought seized upon me: “Oh, if we
were only going on, anywhere, anywhere to the end of the world!”
Plunging through the darkness, with Harry sitting close by me, and baby
on my knee, and nobody able to approach or stop us—going on all
together! All sorts of people have their fancies, no doubt. I daresay
mine were very homely ones; but I shall never forget the strange thrill
that came upon my heart as this wild possibility seized me. When we came
slowly into the daylight, and the train stopped, and the door of the
carriage flew open, and dear Aunt Milly herself appeared to welcome us,
I woke up with a little shiver into real life again. Ah me! one cannot
dart into the bowels of the earth and hide one’s self. But life and duty
somehow looked cold at me with their piercing daylight eyes after that
thought.
Everything familiar stopped short and broke off when we got into the
carriage. Aunt Milly was not a great lady. I don’t think anything could
ever have made her a great lady; but it was clear she had been a person
of consideration for many a year. I never had been in such a carriage
before; indeed, I don’t think I had ever been in any carriage but a
public one, for, of course, Aunt Connor was not rich enough to have a
carriage of her own. But when I sat down by Aunt Milly’s side, I could
not help feeling immediately that it all belonged to me. It was a
strange feeling, and indeed, if nobody will be shocked, it was a very
pleasing feeling. Instead of making me discontented, somehow it quite
reconciled me to being poor. My own opinion is, that people of good
family, or whatever is equivalent to good family,—people that know they
belong to a higher class, whether other people know it or not,—always
bear poverty best. It does not humiliate them as it does people who have
always been poor. I think I could have stood any remarks upon my bonnet,
or even baby’s pelisse, with great equanimity after my visit to the
Park; being poor looked so much more like an accidental circumstance
after that. Perhaps I don’t explain very well what I mean, so I will
just state it plainly, and then you may understand, or disagree with it,
just as you choose. The higher one’s rank is, the better one can bear
being poor. There! it is not the common opinion, but I believe it all
the same for that.
And here was the Park, the very same great modern house that stood
(leaning on the trees) in poor papa’s drawing, with two wings drawn out
from the main body of the building, and a curious archway and a little
paved court at the side before you came to the great door. We went to
the great door as we were strangers, and I could see the grave face of
my omnibus acquaintance peeping through a round bow-window close to the
door before he admitted us, very solemnly and with profoundest abstract
air. I wonder if he could remember us. His face looked as blankly
respectful as if any idea on any subject whatever would somehow be
unbecoming the dignity of the Park. Aunt Milly, who had gradually become
fidgety, now took hold of my hand and drew me forward quickly. I went
with her, a little astonished, but with no clear idea where I was going.
She took me into a very long, very large room, with a great many tall
windows on one side, a room so big as to look a perfect maze of
furniture to me. I saw nobody in it, and did not think of it as being a
room in common use. She had brought me to see some picture, no doubt.
But Aunt Milly hurried me up this long room, with her hand upon my
wrist, to a screen that seemed drawn so as to shelter one side of the
fireplace. When we came in front of this, I was greatly startled to see
a lady, with large knitting-pins in her hands, rise slowly from an
arm-chair. There was nothing extraordinary in her look; she had fine
features, I suppose,—I don’t think I know, very well, what fine
features are,—she had white hair, and a pretty cap with soft-coloured
ribbons, and a strange, studied, soft-coloured dress. I noticed all
this unconsciously, in the midst of the nervous and startled sensation
that I had in being brought in front of her so suddenly. She put both
her knitting-pins into one hand, and held out the other to me. Then she
bent forward a little, meaning me to kiss her, which I did with much
awe and with no great sensation of pleasure. Her hand was cold, and so
was her cheek. I could scarcely help shrinking away from her touch. Then
she spoke, and I, being quite unprepared for it, was still more
startled. Her voice was a kind of whisper, very strange and unpleasant;
all the s’s came out sharp, with a kind of hiss. I suppose it was
because she was so entirely used to it herself that Aunt Milly never
mentioned it to me.
“So you are Richard Mortimer’s daughter?” she said. “Sit down: I am very
glad to see you. It is I that have been so anxious about finding you for
some time past. But where is your husband? I want him to come as well as
you.”
“He is in the hall. He will be here presently, Sarah,” said Aunt Milly.
“I told Ellis to show him in, and the dear baby, too; but I could not
keep back Milly from you for a moment. I knew you would be anxious to
see her at once.”
“I wish to see her husband too,” said Miss Mortimer. “So your name is
Milly? Because it was our principal family name, I suppose? Your father
was a great man for family matters, because his father was such a
leveller; otherwise I should have thought he would have called you after
me.”
Why, I wondered? but indeed I had very little inclination to speak.
“I want to see your husband particularly. I should like you to live
here. Milly says he is going to the Crimea,” said Miss Mortimer. “I hope
he’s a reasonable man. Why shouldn’t he leave the army at once? I want
him here. You were not the heir to an estate like the Park when he got
orders for the Crimea. I see no reason in the world why he should not
sell out and stay at home.”
I think she went on saying more, but I did not hear her; the great room
swam in my eyes; she seemed all fading away into pale circles. I lost
hold of the chair or something I was standing by. I don’t remember
anything else till I felt some water dashed on my face, and gradually
the pale circles cleared away, and I was in the same room again. I had
no idea what had happened to me. I was lying on a sofa, though, now,
with my face all wet, and a dreadful singing and buzzing in my ears, and
Harry was there. I found out I had fainted. I never did such a thing in
all my life before; how very foolish of me! and just when she was
talking, too, about that—that chance. I caught hold of Harry’s fingers
tight: “Go and speak to her!” I cried out. I could not keep still until
he went, for I could see the screen, and knew she was there.
When he disappeared behind the screen, and when, after a moment, Aunt
Milly followed, always keeping her eyes on me, I lay perfectly still,
grasping my two hands in each other. My mind was all seething up, as if
in a fever, round what she had said. I was conscious of nothing else. I
could not hear what they were saying now for the noise in my ears; but
as I lay still a strange succession of feelings came over me. It was
like so many breezes of wind, each cooler,—nay, I mean colder,—than
the other. First it occurred to me what other people would say of him,
of Harry, whom no one now durst breathe a doubt upon; then I thought of
him fighting with himself for my sake, trying to put down his manhood
and his honour to save breaking his wife’s heart; then I came to myself
last of all. Would I? could I? I groaned aloud in my anguish. Oh,
Russian woman, what would you say? There are plenty to be killed and
sacrificed. Shall we let our children’s fathers go, to be lost in that
smoke and battle? Harry burst out to me from behind the screen when I
was in this darkness. I never saw him look as he looked then. He took my
two hands and cried out in an appeal and remonstrance, “Milly, do you
say so?” looking down at me with his eyes all in a blaze. I could not
bear it. I put him away—thrust him away. They say I cried out to God in
my despair. I cannot tell anything that I said but “Go!” Oh, Russian
woman, I wonder if you made up your mind as I did! No, not if it were to
break my heart; we could die, all of us, when the good Lord pleased; but
the good Lord never pleased that one of us should make the other fail.
I FELT ill and shaken all the rest of that day. It was some time before
they would let me get up from the sofa, and I quite remember how very
strange it was to lie there in the great daylight room, with the sky
looming in through the great window, and to watch, always so close by,
and yet so distant, that screen which was drawn out by the side of the
fire. I could not keep my eyes from that harmless piece of furniture.
Aunt Milly kept coming and going, constantly talking to cheer me up, and
bring things to show me. But no sound came from the screen. There, in
that little space, shut off and shaded out of the centre of her home,
sat the woman who already fascinated me with an influence I could not
explain. Without knowing what I was doing—indeed, even I may say
against my will,—strange recollections of stories I had read came up to
my mind; about people in masks going whispering through an evil life,
about the veiled prophet in the poem, about secret hidden creatures
suspected of all manner of harm, but never found out, or betrayed. There
she was, within three paces of me, concealed and silent,—or was it not
rather watchful, lurking, with her bloodless smile and her shut up
heart? My imagination, perhaps, is always too active; somehow it quite
overpowered me that day. It seized upon Miss Sarah Mortimer’s looks and
her voice, and the strange separation which she made by that screen
between herself and the world. She was different—entirely
different—from that old ghastly Miss Mortimer whom I used to dream of
in my grandfather’s house; that one with her hair all mixed with grey,
and her dark careless dress, sitting by the fire with the ghosts of the
past about her, was a pleasant recollection in face of this. The great
beauty, deserted of all the world and fallen into solitude, had
something pathetic in her loneliness. But behind that screen there was
no pathos that I could see; nothing human, I had almost said. What folly
to speak so! To anybody’s eyes but mine, I daresay there was only an old
lady very prettily and carefully dressed, everything about her looking
as if it were intended to repeat and reproduce the effect of her white
hair; soft colours with clouds of something white coming over them. But
I could not look at her in that way. I was in awe and afraid when I
looked at the screen. It was a comfort to get out of the room, to go
upstairs, where after a while Aunt Milly took me. But I could not forget
her even upstairs. There she sat in her armchair, stony-eyed, knitting
like one of the Fates,—or was it spin they did?—and that screen
drawing a magical, dreadful shadow round her chair.
Aunt Milly had prepared our rooms for us with the greatest care, that
was very evident. There was the daintiest little bed for baby, all new
and fresh, evidently bought for him, and quite a basketful of new toys,
which already he was doing his best to pull all to pieces. Oh, such
bright, luxurious rooms! I felt my heart grow a little cold as I looked
at them. Neither Harry nor Aunt Milly had said a word to me on the
subject. They thought they could deceive me, I suppose; but the moment I
saw these apartments, don’t you think I could see what they were planned
out for? I was to be taken there when he went away.
“And, my dear, what do you think of your Aunt Sarah?” said her kind
sister, looking rather wistfully into my face.
I was so foolish that I was half afraid to answer. How could I tell that
our words were not heard behind the screen yonder? And as for meeting
her eyes I could not have done that for the world.
“But you know she is not my Aunt Sarah,” said I. “It is a love name,
dear Aunt Milly. I—I don’t know Miss Mortimer yet; you must let me keep
it for you.”
“Hush! you have not known me much longer!” cried Aunt Milly, “No such
thing, child! we are both the same relation to you. Poor dear Sarah! I
forgot to tell you about her voice. Isn’t it very sad she should have
lost her beautiful voice? She is very clever too, Milly,” said Aunt
Milly, with a sigh. “When you know her better you will admire her very
much.”
“But you know she jilted poor papa,” said I, trying to laugh and shake
off my dread of the veiled woman downstairs.
“My dear! she jilted half the county!” said Aunt Milly, rather solemnly
and not without a little pride. “Your Aunt Sarah was the greatest beauty
that ever was seen when she was as young as you.”
This speech made me smile in spite of myself. Dear Aunt Milly, perhaps,
had been a little slighted by the county. She had no compunction about
her sister’s prowess. I don’t know that I felt very sorry for her
victims myself, even poor papa, I fear. But, ah me! what kind of a woman
was this, I wonder, that had been an enchantress in her day! She was an
enchantress still. She charmed me, as a serpent, I could suppose, might
charm some poor creature. I wonder if there was any pity in her, any
feeling that there was a God and a heaven, and not merely the
century-old ceiling with the Mortimers’ arms on it, over her where she
sat? I don’t believe she cared. I don’t think there was anything in the
world but her own will and inclination, whatever it might be, that ruled
her in her dreadful solitude. I wonder when she looked across her
knitting at such a human creature as Aunt Milly how she felt; whether it
ever came into her head to wonder which of them was contrary to nature?
But I don’t suppose Miss Mortimer cared anything about nature. In this
wonderful world, all so throbbing with life and affection, I think she
must have known nothing but herself.
Thinking like this, you may suppose I could not deceive Aunt Milly to
make her think I admired her sister. I kept off speaking of her; which,
of course, though not quite so unpleasant, tells one’s mind clearly
enough. Aunt Milly gave a little sigh.
“My dear, I see you don’t take to Sarah just at once. I was in hopes if
you had taken to each other she might, perhaps, have told you something
of what is on her mind. Because, you know, after all we have heard,
something must be on her mind, whether she shows it or not. I am afraid
it is all beginning again now, Milly; but somehow she hasn’t let her
courage down as she did when that young man was about before. I suppose
she’s more prepared now. She drove out quite calm yesterday, just as
usual; though Mr. Luigi’s servant was out here with a letter the very
day I saw his master at your house.”
“So I heard,” said I.
“So you heard! Dear! How did you hear? I know things spread in the most
dreadful way,” said Aunt Milly, in great distress; “but to think that
should have reached Chester already! What did you hear?”
“I heard it only from Lizzie, my little maid,” said I, pointing to the
door of the other room. “Mr. Luigi’s servant and she are great
friends.”
Aunt Milly followed the movement of my hand with her eyes, a little
awe-stricken. “She must speak his language, for he knows no English,”
she said, with involuntary respect. “But dear, dear, she’s only a child!
To be sure she’ll go and publish it all in the servants’ hall. But
speaking of that, my dear, you ought to have a proper nurse. I felt very
nervous about baby when I saw her carrying him. She may be big, you
know, but she’s only a child.”
Here Lizzie, either because she had heard us, or by some sudden impulse
of her own, knocked pretty loud at the door. I went to it a little
timidly, rather apprehensive that she had been listening, and meant to
defend herself. I did Lizzie great injustice however. She was standing
in a paroxysm of joyful impatience on the other side of the door. I
don’t believe the most injurious expression applied to herself could
have reached Lizzie’s ears at that moment. She had her great arms
stretched out, stooping over little Harry. Her face was perfectly
radiant and flushed with delight. On they came, baby tottering on his
own little limbs, half triumphant, half terrified, Lizzie with her wings
spread out, ready to snatch him up the moment he faltered. Anybody may
imagine what I did. I dropped down on the floor and held out my arms to
him, and forgot all my troubles for the moment. When he came tottering
into my arms, the touch of his little hands swept all the cares and
sorrows out of the world. It was not for long. But a minute’s joy is a
wonderful cordial; it strengthens one’s heart.
“And oh, mem!” cried Lizzie, lifting her apron to her eyes, “the
Captain’ll see him afore he gangs away!”
“Go and fetch him,” cried Aunt Milly, turning her out of the room. Aunt
Milly was nearly as delighted as she was; but she saw it was hard upon
me to be continually reminded that Harry was to be gone so soon. By way
of putting it out of my mind, she began such a lecture about letting
babies walk too soon, and about weak ankles and bowed legs and all kinds
of horrors, that I snatched my boy up on my knee, and was as much
alarmed as I had been overjoyed. When Harry came, and found me half
frightened to allow baby to exhibit his new accomplishment, and Aunt
Milly doing her best to soften down her own declarations, and convince
me that she referred to babies in general, and not to my boy, he burst
into fits of laughter. I rather think he kissed us all round, Aunt Milly
and all. He was in very high spirits that day. It did not occur to him
what a struggle I had come through before I overcame Miss Mortimer’s
temptation; he was contented to think I had fainted from heat and
excitement and all the fatigue I had been exposed to of late; and it was
a comfort to him to have my real voluntary consent to his going away.
Then this was to be my home, and here was my dear kind friend beside me.
His heart rose, he laughed out his amusement and pleasure with the
freedom of a young man in the height of his strength and hope. The sound
startled the unaccustomed walls. I saw Aunt Milly look at him with a
kind of delighted surprise and pleasure. Youth had not been here for
long. I wondered did manhood, after Harry’s fashion of it, belong to the
Mortimers at all? Many a day since, sitting in these silent rooms, the
echo of Harry’s laugh has come back to me ringing like silver bells. Ah,
hush! we shall all laugh when he comes back.
But when Lizzie came to take her charge, the expression of the girl’s
face had completely changed. She took the child away with a certain
frightened gravity that had a great effect upon me. Aunt Milly had left
me by this time, and Harry had gone out to see the grounds, leaving me
to rest. Resting was not very much in my way; of course I got up from
the sofa the moment they were gone. What good would it do me, does
anybody suppose, to lie there and murder myself with thinking? I went
after Lizzie to ask her what was wrong. Lizzie was very slow to answer.
There was “naething wrang; she wasna minding. The man in blacks had
asked if she was the nurse or the nursery-maid. But it’s no my place to
answer questions,” said Lizzie, with indignation, “and thae English
they’re that saucy, they pretend they dinna ken what I’m saying. Eh, I
would just like to let them ken, leddies and gentlemen ay ken grand what
I’m saying! but they’ve nae education: ’Menico says that himsel’.”
“But what does ’Menico know about education, Lizzie?” said I.
Lizzie looked much affronted. “He mayna maybe ken English,” she said,
“but he may be a good scholar for a’ that. The tither maids just gape
and cry La! when he takes the dictionary, and laugh at every word he
says. He says they’ve nae education, thae English. He’s no’ a common
servant-man like that man in blacks. He kens a’ the gentlemen’s business
and what he’s wantin’, and everything about it. Eh,” cried Lizzie,
opening her eyes wide, and glancing behind her with involuntary caution,
“do you think yon would be her?”
“Who?” said I. Was it possible that Lizzie knew?
“Mem!” said Lizzie, with national unconscious skill and the deepest
earnestness, “do you think there’s ony witches in this country, like
what there was lang syne?”
I was a little startled by the question; it brought back to my mind in
an instant that extraordinary picture which had so great an effect on my
own imagination,—the veiled woman at her knitting with the screen
behind her chair.
“Or the Evil Eye,” continued Lizzie, with a little gasp of visionary
terror; “oh dinna say, if ye please, that I’m to bring him into yon
muckle room! for I would do some ill to the house, or her, or
myself—and would be carried, and no ken what I was doing, if she put
any of her cantrips upon our bairn!”
“Lizzie!” cried I, “child, you forget what you are saying, and where you
are!”
“Oh no, no’ me!” cried Lizzie with vehement tears in her eyes; “but,
Mem, it maun be her; there’s nae other leddy except our leddy in this
house. And if I was never to say another word, she’s no canny; I ken
she’s no canny, if it was only what Domenico says.”
“In the name of wonder what does Domenico say?” cried I, driven to
despair by the wild words in which there was no meaning. I don’t believe
she knew herself what the meaning was.
Lizzie stopped short and repeated, with a puzzled and troubled glance at
me, “When it’s a long story it’s awfu’ fickle to ken,” she said, slowly;
“but just that yon’s the leddy. Eh, I dinna ken what they ca’ her right,
nor what ill-will they have at her; but ’Menico, he says—he says—Mem,
you’ll no be angry, it wasna me,—he says she’s the deil himsel’.”
“Lizzie,” said I, in considerable agitation, “try to recollect; Miss
Milly wants to know; what does Domenico say?”
Lizzie blushed, and made a long pause again. “You see it’s the
Dictionary, Mem,” she said, with a sigh. “When he’s tired looking up the
words, he just gi’es a great burst out in the Italian, and thinks he’s
explained it a’. It’s awfu’ fickle when it’s a lang story; but just it’s
her; and eh! I’m sure she’s no canny by what Domenico says.”
I had to be content with this very unsatisfactory conclusion. It was all
Lizzie could give me,—it was her; and she was a dreaded mysterious
person against whom the Italian was struggling in vain. I felt a strange
thrill of curiosity, deeply as my own mind was pre-occupied. Was it a
melodrama or a tragedy I was about to be present at? The crisis,
whatever it might be, could not be long delayed. What part were we to
play in it? why did she want Harry to stay? I did not say anything
either to him or Aunt Milly of Lizzie’s communication or my own fancies;
but it seemed to me somehow, when I passed through the rooms or along
the passages that a certain tingling stillness, the pause before the
storm, was closing round and round about the house.
“WE were interrupted in our talk yesterday,” said Aunt Milly, “but I
have not forgotten what you said about your little maid. My dear, I
don’t think it is worth your while to warn her against talking about
such matters. When they think a thing’s important, they are all the more
likely to talk.”
“But you don’t know Lizzie,” said I.
“No,” said Aunt Milly, doubtfully. “I always have heard the Scotch were
faithful servants; but it’s undeniable that they do love to talk.
Besides, she’s only a child. My dear, has she any particular claim upon
you?”
“Only that she is an orphan,” said I, “like Harry and me.”
“Ah, dear child! there’s two of you; it does not matter to you,” cried
Aunt Milly; then she continued, rather anxiously, “I’d like to know,
however, what she can tell about this, Milly. Ellis told me a confused
story about a foreign man coming with a letter, and that he insisted on
seeing the lady—the lady! and couldn’t talk no more sense, Ellis says.
I understood by the description, it must be that man. There couldn’t be
two fat foreign serving-men in a quiet county like this; and Carson, ‘as
happened to be in the hall at the moment,’ Ellis tells me, spoke to him,
‘and they arguifyed for long in a queer language,’ and then he went
away. I don’t know any more of it, my dear. This Lizzie of yours, if she
can understand that man, and he told her of it, I wonder does she know
any more?”
Then I told her of the further particulars which had come under Lizzie’s
observation, the letter returned and destroyed. Aunt Milly once more
grew a good deal excited. She walked about the room with a troubled
face, and many exclamations; but on the whole it gave her comfort. “My
dear, she can’t be afraid of him now,” said Aunt Milly; and with this
piece of consolation she went away strengthened to her many businesses,
for everything evidently is in her hands. That eldest sister of hers,
whom I cannot call by any name of love, takes no share in anything.
When she does talk, she talks as if she were the sole mistress and ruler
of the house; but Aunt Milly, though I understand they are quite equal
in their rights, has all the trouble. It is very strange, but I could
not feel so comfortable about her sending back that letter as Aunt Milly
did. To tell the plain truth, a very distinct suspicion had entered into
my mind about her. It flashed upon me when Mr. Luigi was speaking of
her, and it grew stronger and stronger every hour I spent in the same
room, though how it could be, was more than by any amount of thinking I
could divine. I will not say what my fancy was; I was always too
imaginative. I don’t want to commit myself till I see whether anything
will occur to bear me out.
The next day was wet, and I had abundant means of seeing Miss Mortimer.
I think my foolish faint that first day had quite settled me in her
opinion. She saw I was a nobody from that moment. Accordingly all that
rainy afternoon I sat by her in the strangest unsocial way. The fire was
still kept up, though the weather was warm; and Aunt Milly had stationed
me in her own easy chair, opposite her sister, and commanding the entire
length of the room so that I could see who entered at the door, though
Miss Mortimer could neither see or be seen by any one coming in. The
five great windows were all very naked and bare, the curtains drawn
back, and the blinds drawn up, according to Miss Mortimer’s fancy; she
had always an amount of twilight at her command by movement of her
screen. These five long lines of cold broad light, the cloudy sky
looking full down upon us, and the blasts of rain driving against the
cold transparent fence of glass which separated us from that outdoor
world, where the early flowers hung their heads in the rain, and the
shrubs cowered and drew together in the fitful gusts of wind, gave an
extraordinary atmosphere to the picture. Then that long great mirror at
the end of the room repeated the five windows in strange perspective,
and reflected all the maze of space and crowd of furniture in bars of
light and shadow; while here, in the centre, played the uncertain glow
of the fire, much too warm, and making the air feel unnatural; and close
before me sat Miss Mortimer with the screen carefully drawn round her
chair. She had on her usual dress—her muslin scarf or shawl, I forget
which, lined with pale blue silk, and ribbons of the same colour in her
cap, and black lace mits upon her thin hands, which, when she happened
to stop for a moment, she rubbed slowly before the fire. She did not
talk to me. I understand it was very rarely she talked to any one.
Silently, as if it were some weird work she was about, she knitted on;
but sometimes, as I was conscious, lifted her eyes from her knitting,
and continuing her work all the time, surveyed me as I sat helpless
before her. Every time the door of the room happened to open she
repeated this. I felt her stare at me, as she might have stared at a
mirror, to see who had entered the room; and it is impossible to
describe how I felt under that look. I durst not answer it by turning my
eyes upon her; but looking past her at the door, as one naturally does
when the door of the room opens—and knowing her gaze to be fixed on me,
I faltered, I trembled, my face burned in spite of myself. This went on
till, in desperation, I fairly answered her look; then my feelings
changed. Those blue eyes, which must have paled and chilled with age,
were gazing with a watchful dread in my face. It was not me she was
looking at. Her hands went on, in their dreadful inhuman occupation,
while she found in my face a reflection of who it was that went in, or
out, by that door behind her. It might be a habit she had got into; but
I could read in her eyes that she sat there in full expectation of
somebody or something arriving suddenly, which might startle and
distress everybody else, but which she knew. Again, I saw the same
contrast which I had seen between Aunt Milly and Mr. Luigi. This woman,
like the Italian, was in no perplexity. She was not confused with a
mystery she could not comprehend, as Aunt Milly was. She knew something
was coming, and what was coming, and was prepared to defend herself, and
hide her shame to the death.
Hide her shame! oh, how do I dare say it; how could I venture to say
that she had disgraced herself, or even to think so? There she sat,
clothed in a double respect, even by reason of all that made her so
unlovely and distasteful to me, the real great lady of the house, served
by everybody, imagining herself quite supreme; the head of the house,
though she transferred all the trouble of it to other shoulders; Miss
Mortimer, of the Park, a spotless maiden lady, who might have been, as
the common story went, had she chosen to marry, almost of any rank she
pleased. All that I knew; but as I gazed at her, the wild sudden fancy
that had seized me before, grew stronger and stronger. A kind of
loathing took possession of me. Shame may be dreadful, must be dreadful;
but to deserve it, and yet to escape it—to know one’s self guilty, and
fight all one’s life against the penalty—to shut one’s self up, heart
and voice, like that in a corner, waiting for the discovery and
exposure which has become inevitable—and resolute by every lie and
expedient of falsehood to resist and baffle it—the sight was hideous to
me. I turned away from her with a feeling of sickness—then in the
impulse of the moment I spoke.
“Should not you like to take this seat, Miss Mortimer, if you wish to
see who comes in at the door?”
“How do you know,” she cried, in her strangled voice, “that I wish to
see who comes in at the door?”
“I can see it in your eyes,” said I. I could not help a little shudder
as I spoke. Her only answer was to draw a little further back into the
twilight of her screen. I don’t think she looked at me again; but she
did something else when Ellis came in the next time, which was quite as
characteristic. She listened visibly, with an extraordinary intentness;
her knitting stopped, though her eyes were bent on it. I could fancy she
must have heard the very vibration of the man’s foot upon the floor, and
satisfied herself by its sound what it was.
“Miss Milly’s compliments, ma’am, and will you please step into the
library a moment,” said Ellis to me.
“Who’s in the library, eh?” interrupted Miss Mortimer, before I could
speak.
Ellis faced round upon her slowly, with evident surprise: “I don’t know
as it’s nobody, ma’am,” said the man; “Miss Milly has something to show
the young lady.”
“Who’s in the house? why don’t you answer me? You are making up a
story,” cried Miss Mortimer, almost with a shriek.
“Nobody, as I know on, but the Captain, as is in the stables, ma’am,
looking at the colt,” said Ellis, doggedly, “and Miss Milly, as is
waiting in the library for the young lady, with some pictures to show to
her, as it looked to me; nor likely to come neither on such a day.”
Instead of resenting this speech as I supposed, Miss Mortimer smiled to
herself with a nod. She gave a glance out from her screen at the blank
of cloudy sky and the falling rain. It seemed to soothe her somehow. She
relapsed back again, and resumed her knitting, without looking at or
speaking to me. Did it relieve her to be told that nobody was likely to
come on such a day? Could she imagine a spring shower was motive enough
to keep the avenging truth away? I cannot tell. Who could tell? I might
be wronging her cruelly to think of any avenger on his way. But I left
the room, leaving her there with the blank clouds and rain, with the
solitary gleam of the decaying fire, in the heavy silence and broad
light of the vast room. She was standing at bay, grim and desperate; but
she could actually imagine that the fate which pursued her would be kept
away by the April shower! I cannot express all the wonder, pity, and
horror that come over my heart—such strange, strange, inconsequent
blendings of the dreadful and the foolish were not in any philosophy of
mine.
I FOUND Aunt Milly in the library with some miniatures spread out before
her. She wanted to show them to me. I can’t tell very well what had
suggested this to her. She was kept indoors by the rain, and with this
standing uneasiness in her mind, Aunt Milly naturally sought for some
means of returning to a discussion of the subject that engaged all her
thoughts. She made me sit down by her, and silently put one after
another before me. I could see clearly enough what she meant. A certain
family resemblance ran through them all, a resemblance which Aunt Milly
herself had escaped, and of which I believe there was not a trace in my
features. But one after another these portraits recalled to me the young
Italian’s face.
“I ought to tell you,” said Aunt Milly in a tremulous tone, “what has
occurred to my own mind. I have thought of it for some time, but it’s so
very unlikely that I never could allow myself to think it. I do believe
he must be my father’s son. Yes, you may well be surprised. I can’t
think anything else but that my father must have married and had a son,
and Sarah somehow had bullied him into leaving the child behind, and
we’ve been deceivers all this time, and the Park has never been ours.”
“But, dear Aunt Milly,” cried I, “with all these terrible thoughts, why
don’t you satisfy yourself. If you tell Miss Mortimer how much you have
found out, she certainly cannot help clearing up the rest.”
“Ah! but she can help it—she is not carried away by her feelings; she
knows better than to be surprised or anything like that. I have asked
her and been none the better for it,” cried Aunt Milly, “and the young
man will not tell me either. Milly, hush! there is certainly some one at
the door.”
The door bell at the Park was a peculiar one—it had a solemn cathedral
sort of sound that rolled through the whole house, and it was only used
by strangers or visitors on ceremony. Both of us started violently when
we heard it; it came upon our consultations like a sudden alarm of
battle.
“It rains as bad as ever; on such a day who can ring the great bell at
our door?” cried Aunt Milly. “God help us! if my father walked in at
that door, I should not feel it was anything out of the way. Nothing
would surprise me now.”
I could not make her any answer. We both sat perfectly silent, waiting
for what was to come. As if to heighten the excitement of the moment,
the rain, which had been falling steadily all day, suddenly became
violent, and dashed against the windows in torrents. Through all this we
could hear the great door opened and the sound of voices. My thoughts
travelled into the great vacant drawing-room where these sounds could
not fail to reach Miss Mortimer within her screen. What was she doing?
Could she be sitting there still, dumb and desperate, listening but not
looking, with a pride and resistance more dreadful in its self-control
than the wildest passions! I trembled with suspense and wondering
anxiety in spite of myself. As for Aunt Milly, the miniatures she was
looking at fell out of her hands. She covered her eyes for an instant,
and then lifted her scared and pallid face to the door, as if she could
hear the approaching sounds better, for having her eyes fixed that way.
There was a pause that I suppose did not endure a minute, but which
looked like an hour. Then a soft tap at the door; then Ellis entered,
looking half as pale and anxious as we did—vaguely frightened he could
not tell how.
“Miss Milly,” he said, in a hasty troubled voice, “the gentleman is here
as wants Miss Mortimer; what am I to do?”
The old mistress and the old servant looked at each other. The man did
not know anything, but he knew the involuntary suspicion and dread that
had somehow gathered about the house.
“What are we to do? God help us, Ellis, I know no more than the baby!”
cried Aunt Milly under her breath.
She was carried by her excitement beyond her usual discretion. I
interposed as I best could.
“Let it come to the crisis!” cried I, not being well aware what I said;
“it must be best to know clearly Aunt Milly—hush!—recollect, you know
nothing—let him go in.”
She made a convulsive pause and restrained herself; and then the usual
keeping up of appearances recurred to her mind. “My sister’s voice! you
know, Milly,” she said, turning to me as if with a kind of
apology,—“who—who is it, Ellis?”
“It’s—it’s the foreign gentleman, ma’am,” said Ellis, with a
sympathetic faltering of his voice.
“Then show him in to Miss Mortimer?” cried Aunt Milly with a gasp over
the words. “You shouldn’t have spoken so, my dear,” she said as soon as
he was gone, “servants have nothing to do with our private affairs.
Dear, dear, it’s surely very cold. It’s the storm come on so suddenly—a
hail-storm, I declare. Don’t you feel, Milly, how cold the air has
grown?”
I made no answer, and she did not expect any. She went up close to the
library door, and stood there as if listening, shivering now and then
with the nervous chill of her own emotion. We heard the drawing-room
door open and shut,—then silence, silence, something positive, not
merely an absence of sound. I stood by the table trembling, fancying I
saw the stranger pass, as if through a picture, up that empty-seeming
room, with the cold chill daylight spying in, and the motionless,
conscious creature who feared and yet defied him lurking behind that
screen. Would she speak to him? If she did it would not be with that
stifled whispering voice. What communication would pass between them?
Would the old walls groan with some dark secret fatal to their honour?
The very air tingled round us in the dead calm of the house. Surely it
never was so noiseless before. As for Aunt Milly, she stood before me
shivering at the door, sometimes putting her hand upon the lock, then
drawing back in irresolute terror. This lasted for some time, though
most likely for not half so long as I imagined it did; then she turned
to me, wringing her hands and bursting out into tears and cries.
“I cannot leave her alone any longer, Milly,” she said in broken words.
“I cannot desert her in time of need;” and made as though she would
leave the room, and then returned and sank into a chair and hid her face
in her hands.
She was entirely overwhelmed and broken down. All I could do for her,
was to get a shawl which hung over the sofa, and wrap it round her. All
this had been too much for her strength.
In the midst of our suspense, Harry came suddenly in upon us. The sound
of his honest frank step ringing into the library, startled me back to
life again, and even Aunt Milly lifted up her blanched face expecting
him to bring some news. Harry looked startled and curious, and did not
grow less so as he looked at our agitated faces.
“What is the matter, Milly?” he cried. “I passed the drawing-room
windows just now, and looked in thinking to see you. Miss Mortimer was
standing at a table looking over some papers, and by her side was Luigi,
talking very earnestly. By Jove! to see them standing there you would
have said they were mother and son.”
At these words Aunt Milly lifted up her head, listening,—but Harry’s
expression did not seem to strike her; she held up her finger and cried
“Hark!”
The silence was broken. A bell evidently rung—a door hastily
opened—startled us all three standing together. “Shall Harry go after
him?” cried I, seeing how it was and pointing Harry to the door; but
Aunt Milly would not, or perhaps could not, suppose that the visitor was
merely going away. She sprang up, crying, “She must be ill!” and rushed
out of the library. I followed her, alarmed, but not for Miss Mortimer.
I saw Luigi standing at the open door, just about to go out into the
cold rainy world out of doors, but Aunt Milly did not see him. She
rushed forward blindly into the room where she supposed her sister to be
ill.
When I rushed in after her I found the usual positions of the two ladies
much reversed. Miss Mortimer was standing between the fire and the
window, looking at her sister with a certain fierce scorn. Aunt Milly
had sunk down in utter exhaustion and bewilderment upon a large ottoman.
The two were looking at each other, Aunt Milly all trembling, pallid,
and anxious. Miss Mortimer, with her head more erect than usual, her
muslin mantle hanging back from her shoulders, her attitude very rigid
and exact, and no symptom of excitement about her, save in the slight
hurried incessant movement of her head and hands. A mere spectator would
have said she was the judge and the other the culprit. It was an
extraordinary scene.
“What did he say? Who is he? What does he want? Sarah, tell me for the
love of heaven,” cried Aunt Milly in her agony of distress and terror.
“Who is he? I am not a girl to distinguish any one person by that
name,” said Miss Mortimer.
Then she went back steadily to her chair, and sat down in it and took up
her knitting.
“Any one who thinks to surprise me into speaking of my private affairs,
is mistaken,” she said after a while. “Gossips like you may talk as
they please; but what belongs to me is mine, and nobody in the world has
a right to ask what I either do or say.”
That was all. She never opened her lips again that day. She sat there
rigid, pretending to work; she did not work however. I noticed that to
keep her hands and her head from excessive trembling was almost more
than she was able for; but the day passed without any disclosure. I
believe now she would die sooner than make any sign.
THAT was a very miserable day. I cannot fancy a more uncomfortable
position for a stranger than that of being thrust into some distressing
family secret, almost immediately after his or her introduction to the
family in which it exists. This was just what had happened to me. I was
kept one way or the other between those two sisters all the day. Aunt
Milly kept continually appealing to me with her eyes, for conversation
would not keep up its fluctuating and feeble existence in presence of
that figure within the shelter of the screen; and my unlucky position of
confidante must have been so apparent that I should not have wondered at
any degree of dislike or displeasure which Miss Mortimer could have
shown me. She did not show any, however; I could discern no signs of
aversion to me. What am I saying? I could discern no signs of any human
feeling whatever in her appearance and behaviour that day. My impression
was that the sole thing with which her mind was occupied, was the effort
to keep her head steady, and overcome the nervous, tremulous motion
which agitated her frame. It was a relic, it might be an evidence, of
some unseen tempest. But I am firmly convinced that this was the subject
of all her thoughts. I watched, I must confess, with intense curiosity,
though as quietly as possible, that she might not see I was watching
her, every movement she made. But she did not notice me; she scarcely
noticed anybody; she was careless of what other people were thinking;
what she laboured after, all that miserable, lingering, rainy night was
to get the command of herself. She never ventured to unbend her attitude
in the slightest degree. She set her teeth together sometimes, and made
her face look ghastly; but she could not keep down that external symptom
of the trouble or tempest within. Her head kept moving with an incessant
tremble; her hands were too much agitated to pursue their work. She kept
the knitting-pins in her fingers, and held them rigidly together, as if
she were knitting, and sometimes made a few convulsive stitches, and
dropt them again, and bent in a tragical dismal confusion over that
trifling occupation of hers, which had grown so weird an adjunct of
herself to me. I watched her with a certain horror and pity which I
cannot describe. It was not her paltry wealth and lands she was
defending; it was her honour and her life. There she sat a solitary
desperate creature driven to bay, with dear Aunt Milly’s vague terrors
and anxieties revolving about her; but conscious in herself of a misery
and danger far transcending anything in her innocent sister’s thoughts.
Life and honour! but I believed there was no way in this world to defend
them but by unnatural falsehood, cruelty, and wrong, and that she did
not shrink from these means of upholding herself. Perhaps even a
virtuous struggle would have exercised less fascination, than the sight
of that desperate guilty secret resistance. I could not keep my eyes
from Miss Mortimer. There was something terrible to me in her convulsive
efforts after stillness, and in the nervous motion which continually
betrayed her, and which no exertions on her part could overcome.
But she sat out all the lengthy lingering hours of that evening, after
dinner, for they departed from their usual customs at that time, and
dined late out of compliment to Harry. We did try to talk a little, but
Aunt Milly’s thoughts were all astray upon one subject, and she was
continually breaking off in abrupt conclusions which irresistibly
suggested the engrossing matter which she dared not enter upon. Miss
Mortimer, meanwhile, attempted to read her Times; but whether it was
that the rustle of the paper betrayed the trembling of her hands, or
that her mind was unfit for reading anything, she soon laid the paper
by, and resumed her pretence of working. You may suppose that Harry and
I were not very much at our ease in this strange position of affairs.
Almost everything that was said among us suggested a something which
could not be said, yet which occupied everybody’s thoughts. Aunt Milly
sat flushed and troubled opposite to her sister; her distressed
perplexed look, the look of one totally at a loss and unable to offer
any explanation even to herself; her glances, sometimes directing me to
look at Miss Mortimer, sometimes appealing to me in vain for some
suggestion which could throw light upon the subject, were enough of
themselves to betray to any stranger the existence of some secret
unhappiness in the house. Harry, who was not so much in Aunt Milly’s
confidence as I was, kept appealing to me on the other side. What was it
all about? I never wished so fervently for the conclusion of a day as I
did for that; and yet there must be some extraordinary fascination in
watching one’s fellow-creatures. I should not like to get fairly into
that dreadful inhuman occupation which people called studying character.
But I was so curious about Miss Mortimer that I could almost have liked
to follow her to her own room, and watch, when she was no longer on her
guard against other people, how she would look and what she would do.
Would she faint, or cry out, or dash herself against the floor? or was
she so accustomed to that dreadful secresy that she would not betray
herself even to herself? She must have lived that dreadful hidden life,
and locked up all she knew in her own breast for a lifetime; for a
longer lifetime than mine.
“I wonder,” said Henry, when we were alone that evening, “what sort of a
person this Miss Mortimer is. Something’s wrong clearly. I suspect there
must be something in the old lady’s life which will not bear the light
of day.”
“What makes you think so?” said I.
“The t’other old lady and you play into each other’s hands,” cried
Harry; “you know more about it than you choose to tell. But of course
you are right enough if it is somebody else’s secret; only recollect,
Milly, I am very glad you should be an heiress; I am extremely glad you
will have a house to receive you while I am away, and that come what
may, that little beggar is provided for; but look here, if there’s
another relation nearer than you, legitimate or illegitimate, I won’t
stand by and see him wronged.”
“Harry, tell me what you mean,” cried I.
Harry looked at me a little indignantly; he thought I knew more than he
did, and was trifling with him. “Milly, who is that fellow Luigi?” he
said at last.
“I make dreadful guesses,” said I, “but I cannot tell. Aunt Milly knows
nothing about him. The only idea she can form is that he may be her
father’s son.”
Harry gave a long, half amazed, incredulous whistle, and turned away. He
could scarcely believe me. Then I told him all I had heard, and
something of what I had guessed. We did not converse plainly about this
guess, which he had evidently jumped at as well as myself. A secret held
with such dreadful tenacity was not a thing to be lightly discussed; but
we both felt the same on the subject, only Harry’s mind took a more
charitable view of it than I did. They say we are always harder on
guilty women than men are; perhaps it is natural. I felt an abhorrence
rise within me which I could neither overcome nor disguise at the idea
of a woman, and especially a woman in such a position as Miss Mortimer,
having lived a pretended life of honour and innocence all these years,
with that guilt in her mind which nobody knew but she; and now of her
sacrificing and disowning nature to keep up that dreadful sham. I can
understand people meeting death rather than disgrace; that is, I mean I
could understand how one would rather hear that those whom one loves
should die than disgrace themselves; but I don’t understand an insane
struggle against the disgrace which one has deserved. That is not a
noble struggle, so far as I can see; the only way of existing through
such dreadful circumstances would be by enduring it; and all the same
whether it was a woman or a man. I do think it is a shame to speak as
some people speak on this subject, as if the disgrace were all; as if
all the harm was not done when the wrong was done, whether disgrace came
or no!
“I’ll tell you what, Milly,” said Harry, “I must say I think it’s very
hard the poor old lady should lose her good name for something that
happened an age ago. No doubt, by what we saw to-day, she must have set
her poor old heart upon resisting and denying it, as foolish people
always try to do. Now, you know, that’s evidently of no use. Of course a
mere statement of any such claim having been made, is enough to finish
Miss Mortimer, with all the gossips of the county, whether it was proved
or not. Now I shan’t be here for long, and as they seem disposed to be
so very kind to you——”
“Don’t, Harry!”
“But I must,” said he. “It will be no end of consolation to me to think
of you in these pretty rooms which Miss Milly has already prepared for
you. If I can do them a good turn before I go, I will, you may depend
upon it. As soon as we return to Chester I’ll see Luigi; and if it can
be got out of him what he wants, I shall certainly make an effort to
have him satisfied, and Miss Mortimer left unmolested. It would not do
if sins of thirty years standing were to be brought against people in
this way. Why, anybody might be thrown into sudden shame on such a
principle; and you women, you know, are so vindictive and all that——”
“Oh, yes! I know,” said I, “and will always be vindictive all the same.
Imagine this woman standing side by side with Aunt Milly, and considered
as spotless as she; imagine such a long cruel abominable sin, and no
retribution overtaking it! Oh, you may be pitiful if you like, but it
disgusts me.”
Harry laughed. “I should be surprised if it did not disgust you, Milly
darling,” he said, “but poetic justice is exploded now-a-days. I don’t
suppose Luigi can be very anxious for her personal affection,
considering how she seems to have behaved; and, indeed, to be sure he
would be fully more disgraced than she. How many days are we to be here?
I shall see him whenever we return to Chester.”
“Three days longer,” said I, with a sigh. “Somehow this little visit to
the Park had come to look like a little barrier between me and what was
coming. Presently we should go back to Chester, and then——”
Harry understood my sigh. He repeated the very words I was saying in my
mind. “And then——” said Harry, “and then, darling, to see which of us
two is bravest! But it will come hardest upon you, my poor little wife.”
“Harry,” cried I, “don’t speak!” and I went away, and would have no more
of such talk. It was enough that it was coming; it would be enough when
it came.
Perhaps the last few words of this conversation were not the best
preparation possible for sleep. I know I awoke a great many times during
that long dark night, and once in its deepest darkness and stillness I
fancied I heard a groan faintly sounding through the wall. Miss
Mortimer’s rooms were near ours. This sound set all my imagination busy
again. It was she who groaned under that veil of night. She, so
dreadfully on her guard all day long, who relieved her miserable heart
thus when nobody watched her. It was impossible not to feel excited in
the neighbourhood of such mysterious secrecy. The sound of that groan
moved me to pity;—she had not escaped without retribution. Was not that
dread of the consequences under which she was suffering, worse than the
very hardest shape the consequences were likely to assume, if they
themselves ever overtook the sinner?
THE next day began much like the previous day; it was still showery and
damp; and though Harry was out of doors I was prevented, by Aunt Milly’s
care, from joining him. In the afternoon we were to go out with her on a
round of inspection to see the neighbourhood, Miss Mortimer having
volunteered to give up the carriage to us for that purpose, though it
was the day on which she generally took her drive; and the rector and
some other near neighbours were to come to dinner in the evening. I was
once more alone with Miss Mortimer. We sat much as we had done on the
previous day, opposite each other, the moments passing over us in a
certain excited silence. She did not say anything to me; she did not
even look at me. She showed none of that voiceless anxiety to know who
had come in when the door opened, which struck me before. She was much
calmed down; the person she expected had come; the blow, whatever it
was, had been borne; and for the present moment there was an end of it.
She actually knitted her pattern correctly, and counted her stitches,
and referred to her book to see if she was correct, as she sat there
before me in her inhuman calm. Was she a creature of flesh and blood,
after all? or a witch, like those of the old stories, without any human
motives in her heart of stone?
I could not help thinking so as I sat beside her. Her head still
trembled slightly; but I suppose that was an habitual motion. She sat
there shut up in herself,—her misery and her relief, and the cold
dauntless spirit that must have risen from that smart encounter
yesterday, and gained strength by the very struggle—hidden from
everybody round her, as if they had been a world away. I gazed and
wondered, almost trembled, at that extraordinary death in life. She who
had all the tumult of passion and guilt in her memory; she who must have
entered into the fullest excitement of life, and got entangled in its
most dreadful perplexities; she who was no ascetic, nor even pretended
to that rival excitement of the devotee which might have replaced the
other; how could she have lived silent and obdurate through those
dreadful years? The very thought of them struck me aghast. After her
life of flattery, admiration, and universal homage; after her
experience, whatever that might be, of more personal passions, to drop
for a longer time than my whole life behind that screen into that chair!
As I sat opposite to her, my thoughts turned back to that other Miss
Mortimer, whom I had placed in imagination in my grandfather’s house.
Once more I thought I could see that large low room which I never had
seen, except in fancy, with the ancient beauty sitting silent by the
fire amid the ghosts of the past. Was this the true impersonation of
that dream of mine? Was this the Miss Mortimer, with her foreign count,
whom Mrs. Saltoun remembered? As this recurred to me I could scarcely
help a little start of quickened curiosity and eagerness. It seemed to
flicker before me as a possible interpretation of all this dark enigma,
could only the connecting link be found. As I was wandering deeper and
deeper into these thoughts—so deep as to forget the strange position I
stood in, and the possibility of being taken for a kind of domestic spy,
which had embarrassed me at first—I heard a little commotion outside.
The door, perhaps, was ajar, or it might be simply that my ears were
quickened by hearing a little cry from baby, and Lizzie’s voice
belligerent and full of determination. I got up hastily and went to the
door. I don’t think Miss Mortimer even lifted her eyes to notice my
movement. It was certainly Lizzie in some conflict with one of the
authorities of the house; and Lizzie, as the natural and primitive
method of asserting her own way, had unconsciously elevated her voice; a
proceeding which alarmed baby, and also, as it appeared, her antagonist.
I ran and threw the door open as I heard another cry from my little boy.
There, outside, was a curious scene. Lizzie, in her out-of-doors dress,
just returned from a walk in the garden with baby, with her face a
little flushed, and her plentiful hair somewhat blown about by the wind,
was resolutely pressing forward to enter the drawing-room, where, to be
sure, she had no business to come; while holding her back by her cloak,
and whispering threats and dissuasions, was a person whom I had scarcely
seen before, but whom I knew at once to be Carson, Miss Mortimer’s maid.
Lizzie was greatly excited; and what with managing the baby and
resisting this woman, while at the same time possessed with some mission
which she was evidently determined to perform, looked fatigued and
exhausted too.
“But I will,” cried Lizzie, with her eyes flashing. “I’m no heeding
whether it’s my place or no. I promised I would gi’e it into her ain
very hand; and do ye think I’m gaun back o’ my word? I tell ye I will
gie’t to the leddy mysel’. Eh, mem!” she exclaimed, breathlessly, with a
sudden change of her tone as she saw me, “I met Menico at the gate, and
I promised to gi’e it into the leddy’s ain hand.”
When I approached, Carson fell back; she shrank, I could fancy, from
meeting my eyes. Her hand dropped from Lizzie’s cloak; she was as much
afraid to be supposed to interfere as she was anxious to interfere in
reality.
“My missis’s nerves, ma’am,” said Carson, glibly, but in a half whisper,
“is not as strong as might be wished. If the young person, ma’am, would
give it to me, or——. You see the ladies at the Park they’re known for
charity, and beggars’ letters, or such like, they’re too excitin’ for my
missis’; they puts her all in a tremble—it’s on her nerves.”
“But, mem,” cried Lizzie, “I canna go back o’ my word.”
I stood between them, much perplexed and bewildered. The anxiety of Miss
Mortimer’s maid was evident; and Lizzie, from whose arms baby had
instantly struggled as soon as he saw me, was greatly excited. At this
moment she produced the letter which was in question. Carson made a
stealthy spring to seize it, but recollecting herself, drew back, and
looked up guilty, but deprecating in my face. I don’t know whether it
was a desire to clear up the mystery, or the cruel curiosity of an
observer of character that decided me. I dismissed Carson coldly, saying
I would ring if Miss Mortimer wanted her, and told Lizzie to follow me
into the room. Lizzie’s excitement sank into awe as she trod softly
through this great, faded, magnificent apartment. Before she reached the
screen which sheltered Miss Mortimer, she was almost speechless with
half superstitious reverence. I am sure she would willingly have given
her letter to Carson or anybody at that moment. The very fact that the
person she was about to confront was thus concealed from her overawed
her simple mind. When she actually emerged from behind the screen, and
came in full sight of Miss Mortimer, Lizzie’s healthful face was
perfectly colourless, and her frame trembling. The supreme awkwardness
of the attitude into which she fell, the spasmodic rudeness with which
she thrust out that hand that contained the letter, the fright and
consternation visible in every twist of her person, would have been
painfully ludicrous if there had been any time to observe it. Miss
Mortimer raised her eyes and stared at the strange figure before her.
Almost absurd as that figure was in its dismay and terror, her mind was
not sufficiently at ease to be simply surprised. Any strange apparition
had a right to appear before this woman in her intrenchments of dumb
resistance. As I stood by looking on, I could understand the feeling
which worked in her eyes. She was not surprised. No miracle could have
surprised her. She was rather asking in her heart, “Who is this new
assailant? Who will come next?”
“If ye please, it’s a letter,” said Lizzie, in a tremulous voice.
Miss Mortimer made no attempt to take the letter. She said, “Who are
you?” with a strange curiosity; as if, amid all the powers that had a
secret right to assail her in her conscious guiltiness, this was a new
hobgoblin whom she could not well connect with the others. If there were
any purgatory, I could fancy a poor soul there asking in the same tone
the name of the new imp who came to torment it.
This was more than Lizzie could bear. I don’t know what perplexed
terrors and superstitious ideas of evil influence brought back the blood
to her cheeks. She trembled all over under that eye, which had suggested
the idea of the Evil Eye to Lizzie, and to which she was determined
never to expose “our bairn.” She must have endured a kind of martyrdom
as she stood under its steady gaze. “Eh, me? I’m no onybody,” cried
Lizzie, shivering with excitement; “it’s just a letter. I said I would
gi’e it into the leddy’s own hand.”
Miss Mortimer turned upon me—on the child—on the very mirror on the
further wall, a look of silent defiance; she seemed to look round to
call upon the very apartment in which we sat to witness what she did.
Then she took the letter from Lizzie’s rigid fingers, and with scarcely
a motion, except of her hand, dropped it into the fire. After she had
done it, she turned again to us with another steady look, and even with
a smile; triumphant!—with a certain gleam of devilish satisfaction in
her success, as if she had baffled us all once more. But in that very
moment, while she still smiled, I could see her hold herself fast
between the arms of her chair, to keep down the nervous tremor which
seized her. That resisting, defying spirit was lodged in nothing
stronger than a human frame. Her head shook, steadied, trembled again,
with a force beyond all her power of control. With all that soul of
successful evil in her face, her head shook as if with the palsy of
extreme old age, and in spite of the most convulsive strenuous efforts
to keep it still. I was nearly as much awe-struck as Lizzie. I stole out
of sight of her as the girl did. Never was there such a picture! She
could conquer nature, truth, and every human feeling; but she could not
conquer those tremulous chords and threads of mortal flesh which refused
to be in the conspiracy. She sat there dumbly defying every scrutiny,
but with the smile growing fixed and ghastly on her face as she tried,
with her utmost desperate feeble strength, and failed, to defy and
overcome herself.
I asked Lizzie no questions as she came upstairs after me. I did not say
anything to her when I heard her sobbing out her agitation in her own
room. There was not a word said between us when she came refreshed by
that little ebullition, and by the necessary arrangement of her
wind-blown hair and dress, to take charge of little Harry. When I had
given the child up to her, I went downstairs again, quite silent and
eager. You may very well ask why. I cannot defend myself. I went down
with no better motive than to watch Miss Mortimer, and see if anything
more could be found out.
When I went into the room I saw nobody, but heard some voices and
movement behind the screen. I believe if Miss Mortimer had been speaking
in the ordinary human voice, I should not have heard her at that
distance; but I did hear that strange stifled whisper almost as well as
if it had been hissed into my ear.
“I must deny, deny, deny,” said the strange voice. “Don’t speak to me,
you know nothing about it. It is the only strength I have.”
“But, oh! dear, dear, such a pretty young gentleman!” said the other
speaker, in a tone of weeping but hopeless remonstrance.
“Let him prove his rights,” said Miss Mortimer.
I obeyed my instincts, and fled out of the room as I heard that she was
stirring behind the screen. And I had not been mistaken in the guess I
made. She came out a few minutes later, leaning on Carson’s arm, leaning
heavily, with her head trembling like that of a palsied person; but her
eyes full of that dreadful self-possession, knowledge and resistance. I
trembled, too, as I stood aside to let her pass. She did not say
anything, though she stared hard at me. The maid, though she did her
best to make up her usual face when she saw me there, was evidently
overpowered with anxiety and distress.
There was, then, one other individual who knew that secret—one creature
who loved that dreadful old woman, and in whom she trusted. I could not
help standing still to look after them as they went upstairs. Carson was
very little younger than her mistress. She had a naturally anxious look,
as well she might if she had been for years the depository of this
secret. I could not help picturing their life to myself as they went
upstairs: the innocent woman troubled and tearful, the guilty woman calm
and immovable, but for that trembling of her frame which even her
remorseless will was not strong enough to subdue. I could understand
better now how she kept alive, and could preserve that frightful
stillness of hers. Upstairs, in their own apartments, no doubt another
life went on; a life of recollections and schemes which no one knew of,
a life palpitating full of those past years of which Miss Mortimer gave
no sign. That was how she kept herself alive. I could not do anything
but stand still, watching them, as they went slowly up to that
retirement, where the mask could be laid off and the veil drawn. When
they were out of sight, I strayed into the great vacant drawing-room,
unable to withdraw my thoughts from this strange pair. “I must deny,
deny, deny!” That was the position she had taken. Could any one in
existence—could Luigi, a sensitive and high-minded young man as he
seemed to be—seek motherly love from such a woman as this? Motherly
love! it was dreadful even in thought to apply such words to anything
that could come from her. Shame only, shame to both. What motive could
he have to go on seeking her? for Nature had evidently no place in her
heart of stone.
“BUT, dear, dear, where’s Sarah?” cried Aunt Milly, when some time later
she came into the room.
I felt almost as guilty as if I had suddenly got some share in Miss
Mortimer’s secret. “She was going upstairs when I came in,” said I; but
I could not find it in my heart to say what new accident had done this.
Aunt Milly looked at her chair and her footstool, and the work-basket
she had left behind, as if she might possibly ascertain something from
them. “My dear, it will be well to avoid the strangers to-night,” she
said, nodding her head, as if this conclusion was, on the whole, not
unsatisfactory; “and, indeed, Milly, though you may think it strange of
me to say so, I am not sorry; for Miss Kate, I am afraid, would be very
likely to mention something about that poor young man, whoever he may
be!” said Aunt Milly, with a sigh. “Dear, dear, to think what troubles
people make, both for themselves and others, that might be avoided by a
little openness. Why couldn’t he have told me, my dear? If he has
claims, I’d have seen him satisfied to the very last farthing, Milly!
and if he hasn’t claims, why should he persecute Sarah and me?”
“But it might be something he couldn’t tell,” said I, rashly.
“Something he couldn’t tell? What do you mean, child? What sort of a
connection could he have with our family that he couldn’t tell?” cried
Miss Milly. “I see what you mean. He might be a natural son. Harry has
put that into your head, now, for I am sure you never could have thought
of it of yourself. Milly, Milly, it’s dreadful to say, but I’d be more
thankful than I can tell you, to know that he was. I shouldn’t forget he
was my father’s son all the same; he should be amply provided
for—amply, my dear; ah, but it’s far too good news to be true; and,
besides, what would Sarah care for him, if he were illegitimate? It
could not hurt us in the least. Nothing, but what would be an injury to
us, can explain Sarah’s looks. Don’t let us think of it any more,
Milly. Come and show me, dear, what you’re going to wear to-night. I
should like you to look pretty, though they are all old people; for
they’re old friends as well. Come upstairs with me, and show me what
you are to have on.”
I went, not without some trepidation, for I did not know what Aunt Milly
would say when she knew I had nothing but white muslin. She did shake
her head when she saw it spread out ready to put on. She even faltered
forth some half questions as to what I had in my wardrobe, whether I had
not a nice——; but there dear Aunt Milly stopped. She would not hurt my
feelings whatever I might wear; and I don’t deny I felt a little
mortified myself to see it laid out like a little girl’s best frock.
However, I am thankful to say Harry never had an idea that it was not
the very best thing I could wear.
“There are some lace flounces,” said Aunt Milly, half to herself, eyeing
the poor white frock over again, “that might brighten it up a little;”
then she turned round suddenly and kissed me by way of apology. “My
dear, don’t be affronted, I’m sure you will look very pretty in
it;—only I should have preferred, just for this one night,—but, to be
sure, you never thought of bringing out all your things for such a short
visit, and us such quiet people. Never mind, Milly dear, it will look
very nice, I am sure. I have a very pretty scarf you shall wear thrown
over it; it may not be quite in the fashion; but fine lace never goes
out of fashion, you know. I mean to give it you anyhow; and here’s a
little jewel-box, with some ornaments in it; I used to wear them myself
when I was a girl, and I had them reset just for a little remembrance of
this visit. Put them on, for my sake, to-night; and remember, dear, that
what we’ve been talking about so much these few days is a family secret.
If anybody should say anything that seems to touch on it, or should even
mention Mr. Luigi’s name, don’t look as if you were conscious of
anything. It may come to nothing, you know. I am very glad you like
them, my dear. I am quite pleased I thought of it. But recollect, Milly,
my love, to be on your guard.”
With these words she left me, running away from my thanks for her
present. I was very much pleased with her present, and even at that
moment, when people might suppose I had more serious things to think of,
I must say it did give me a flutter of gratification to find bracelets
in the jewel-box. How kind and thoughtful it was of Aunt Milly! I wonder
if she knew I hadn’t any? I showed them to Lizzie, who thought anything
so grand had never been seen, and to baby, who would have liked to have
them to play with, and finally to Harry when he came in, and I had to
prepare for our drive. Harry found some fault (of course) with their
style, but was quite as pleased as I was. And, indeed, it was very good
of him to be pleased, for I had almost to go down on my knees to him to
keep him from buying me something of the kind when we came to Chester,
and he naturally grudged that any one should give them to me but
himself.
To think of me saying so much about such a small affair as bracelets,
when things so much more important were surrounding us on every side! I
am afraid to say it, but it is true, that when I went down into the
drawing-room that evening I was thinking too much about my beautiful
scarf and these same bracelets to notice, at the first moment, who was
there. The first thing that brought me to myself was hearing the voice
of Miss Mortimer behind her screen. I was so amazed that, instinctively,
without giving any reason to myself for it, I pushed forward to see her.
There she sat, that dreadful, wonderful witch of a woman—so far from
being moved by any feeling of nature which might have led her to avoid
the strangers, as innocent Aunt Milly supposed—sitting there as if on a
throne, entirely assuming the part of mistress of the house, and
receiving the homage of her guests. Evidently everybody was
surprised—everybody had understood Miss Mortimer to have withdrawn from
any but the most secluded life and I do not think I ever felt such a
thrill of wonder and pity, and almost horror, as when, after all I had
seen and noted, after her convulsive trembling and watchful readiness
for any attack, after the way in which, this very day, she had
retreated, stubborn but exhausted, upstairs, I saw her sitting here, in
full evening dress, with jewels and ornaments; her watchful eyes
gleaming stealthily round, and her ears alive to every sound.
As I came forward I caught sight of Aunt Milly sitting silent by herself
by a table, with a face full of the deepest perplexity and distress. She
raised her troubled eyes to me, and grasped at my hand for a moment, as
if to strengthen herself. She could not make it out—any attempt to
decipher her sister’s purpose was in vain to Aunt Milly—the light might
as well have tried to comprehend the darkness. But I had not time to say
anything to her. Miss Mortimer had called Harry, who drew me along with
him; and it was she who introduced us to the rector and his sister, and
to that heavy old Sir George, and the Penrhyns of Eden Castle. I am sure
I cannot tell what she said; it was principally Harry she spoke of, and
I remember that she called him their heir and nearest relation, which
gained us a very flattering reception from the strangers. But the mere
fact of seeing her there, with her bare arms and shoulders shining thin
through just such another scarf as I had on, and her eyes meeting
everybody else’s with a certain wide-open vigilant stare, and her head
held stiffly erect to dissemble that trembling, which, even still, she
could not overcome, at once confounded and engrossed me so much that I
could observe nothing else. Harry got into conversation with the
gentlemen, and Miss Kate, from the Rectory, a woman evidently full of
curiosity and enterprise, seized upon Miss Mortimer. I managed to get
away to Aunt Milly; she took my hand again, and pressed it almost
painfully. “My dear, what do you suppose this means?” said Aunt Milly,
looking wistfully up in my face.
“To defy everybody,” I said, scarcely knowing what I was saying; “but,
dear Aunt Milly, you warned me to be on my guard. You look so troubled,
people will fancy something is wrong.”
When I said that, she got up hastily and joined the others. I can’t tell
how the strangers felt; but for all of us who belonged to the house, it
is impossible to imagine any scene more extraordinary. To see the
dauntless, unnatural wickedness of that woman facing and defying
everybody—to see her take the principal place, and ignore the troubled,
terrified sister, whose guests these people really were—out of all the
mysterious veil of secrecy and darkness in which she had been wrapped,
to watch her emerging thus, not only as if nothing were wrong with her,
but as if, in reality, she was the soul of everything, and dear Aunt
Milly only her shadow and servant! When Miss Mortimer took the head of
the table at dinner, and Aunt Milly astonished, and not knowing what to
make of it, dropped into a seat near the foot, where Harry was, our
dismay and wonder were nearly at their climax. Aunt Milly clasped my
hands hard; she had got a chair placed in the corner beside me, and
whispered—
“I don’t mind it, my dear, don’t think I mind it. If all was well, and I
had known her meaning!”
I understood that perfectly; but then all was not well, and nobody had
known the weird woman’s meaning. Now she had it all in her own hands.
With her grey hair, and her thin bare aged shoulders peeping out of her
scarf, she made a dreadful pretence of flirting with that old Sir
George; and curious Miss Kate sat scrutinising her, and making perpetual
remarks; and Aunt Milly and I looked on with awe and alarm which I could
not describe. I could scarcely answer Mr. Penrhyn when he spoke to me. I
fear he must have thought me a very poor representative of the
Mortimers. But I could not keep my attention from that figure at the
head of the table. I could not help wondering, did she see the writing
and the man’s hand upon the wall? for in all her pretences, and
affectations, and coquetries,—those strange coquetries, and gestures,
and movements of the head and hands, which might have been pretty in a
young beauty, but were so dismal in a white-haired old woman—remember,
she never once forgot. I could see it plain in her eyes all the time.
If the handwriting had come upon the wall, as it did in Belshazzar’s
palace, it would not have surprised her. No allusion that could be made
would shock or startle her. She knew everything that could come; and, in
her devilish daring, she was prepared for all.
I hope it is not very wicked of me to use such words; indeed, I cannot
tell what others I could use.
Things went on so till we got back to the drawing-room, which was a
relief in its way. And by dint of continuing so long, the pressure had,
of course, grown easier, and I had actually begun to make a little
acquaintance with Mrs. Penrhyn, who was young, and had little children
of her own, and quite insisted I should take her upstairs to see baby,
when I was suddenly recalled from that very agreeable talk we were just
falling into, by the sharp voice of Miss Kate.
“Have you heard any more of that young Italian, Miss Milly?” said Miss
Kate; “he that struck me, you know, as having so odd a resemblance to
your family?—very strange! and did you not perceive it yourself? I hear
he has been seen about here again, and his servant, that stout person.
Ah, how very sad he doesn’t know English, that poor fellow! perhaps he
has picked up a little since. Of all the sad things in the world, I know
nothing so melancholy as being in the midst of light, and yet, for such
a trifling thing as the want of language, remaining in darkness. I have
never forgiven myself for neglecting Italian since that day. Ah, I wish
I knew Italian as you do, Miss Mortimer. Who can tell what use I might
have been to that poor benighted man!”
I had turned aside, with the words stopped on my very lips, to listen.
So had Aunt Milly, looking aghast, and with every tinge of colour
blanched from her face. Miss Mortimer did not observe me; but she
noticed her sister, and stared at her with actually a little pause and
smile of malice, to direct everybody’s attention to her startled face,
before she spoke.
“I can’t speak even my own language now,” was all Miss Mortimer said;
and all the time looked at Aunt Milly with that derisive look, as if to
show that whoever was agitated by this reference it was not herself. I
was so wicked as to think she meant to turn over the scandal, if any
should rise, upon her sister; and it made my blood boil; but, to be
sure, I was quite in error there.
“Oh, I am sure after to-night—!” cried Miss Kate; “Indeed, my dear Miss
Mortimer, I must congratulate you. I hope it is the beginning of a new
life. If you would but take a little interest in the parish, with your
improved health, I am sure it would do so much good; and if you should
happen to meet that unfortunate young man, and would be induced to
explain the truth to him a little in his own language——”
Here Miss Mortimer gave an extraordinary kind of gasp, without, however,
uttering any sound. Nobody observed it but me, as my eyes were fixed on
her. Then she spoke as if she could not help herself, drawing back into
the shadow.
“He speaks English!” she said, with an extraordinary tone of being
compelled to say something—as if some influence within her had
constrained the words from her unwilling tongue.
“But, ah, it is the servant I speak of,” cried Miss Kate; “one soul is
just as precious as another; it is he, poor unfortunate man! If you
should meet him in any of your drives,—he is very stout, and has a
large beard, and is so completely the foreigner that you can’t mistake
him,—if you would only stop the carriage and say a word in season.”
There was another wonderful contraction of all the muscles of Miss
Mortimer’s face, and this time a kind of hysterical sound came with it.
“If I meet him,” she said, slowly, “I’ll give him a word in
season—don’t be afraid,” and she laughed.
It made me shiver and tremble all over. I was thankful that Ellis came
that moment with tea, and I could get up and go into another corner of
the room to recover myself. I don’t know how Aunt Milly bore it. She had
not a particle of colour in her face the whole evening after. But Miss
Mortimer went upstairs steadily when all the guests were gone. I do not
know what befell when she got into her own room. I do not think they had
much rest there that night. If she had fallen down in a fit, or expired
at the head of the table that evening, it would not have surprised me.
She had lived through it; but I am sure neither she nor her poor
faithful maid closed their eyes that night.
THE day after that, was the day we had fixed to go back to Chester. Miss
Mortimer did not come downstairs; but Carson came to me with a little
packet while I was helping Lizzie to pack up baby’s things. The poor
woman looked ill and strange herself. She had a scared terrified
expression, as if she were afraid of everybody, and looked so worn-out
and exhausted that I could scarcely help telling her, for pity’s sake,
to go and get some sleep.
“My missis sends her love,” said Carson, “and she’s very sorry she can’t
come downstairs to see you, ma’am, nor the Captain, but hopes it won’t
be long till you’re here again; and sends you this, and her love.”
“Is Miss Mortimer ill?” said I.
Carson hesitated before she answered.
“It’s on her nerves,” she said, at last, faltering; “it’s—I mean, to be
sure, she’s a little overtired because of overdoing of herself last
night. It was out of compliment to the Captain, ma’am, and you. My
missis has a great spirit; but it’s the body as is weak.”
“Yes,” said I, unable to restrain the impulse; “but, oh, don’t you think
she has just too great a spirit? What if it kills her one of these
days?”
The woman flashed up for a moment into an attempt of resentment and
dignity, but, partly from her weakness and watching and want of sleep,
broke down immediately, and shed a few tears in her apron. The poor
creature’s heart was moved. “If it kills her she’ll die; but she’ll
never give in,” sobbed Carson; and then, recovering herself all at
once—“it’s on the nerves, that’s what it is,” said the faithful
servant, and hurried away.
It was some time before I cared to open Miss Mortimer’s packet. It
contained two rings, one of them a slight turquoise thing, which was for
me, and the other a fine diamond, which was to be given to my husband.
“Tell him it’s a family jewel,” said a little accompanying note. I put
it down on Harry’s dressing-table, where he would find it when he came
in. I would not put such a present on his finger; besides, it was best
he should have it direct from herself—she had always received him as
the representative of the Mortimers, and not me.
And then Aunt Milly came upstairs to kiss and cry over us. I was very
sad myself, as was natural. There was nothing now between me and Harry’s
going, but a few weeks—rather a few days. I should look straight into
the face of that dreadful approaching moment when we turned our backs on
the Park.
I could not cry as Aunt Milly did. I felt to myself as if I had been
trifling all this time, taken up with other people’s affairs, and making
friends with strangers, while every hour was bringing us closer to that
day. Dear Aunt Milly held me fast in her arms, and whispered everything
in the world she could think of to console me: that I had baby; that I
should have letters regularly; that the war would not last long; that I
must trust God, and pray. Ah, as if I did not know all that! if I had
not known it and gone over it all in my own mind a thousand times, there
might have been some comfort in what she said.
“And look here,” said Aunt Milly, thrusting a purse into my pocket—not
into my hand, to give me a chance of putting it back again—“he is our
representative, dear. He is not to go a step till he has
everything—everything you can so much as think upon to make him
comfortable. Now, Milly, don’t say a word. I’ll think you don’t love me
if you say a word. Will it be any comfort to you, or me, to think here’s
some paltry money left, and Harry gone to fight for us all without
something that would make him comfortable? You’d work your fingers off
to get it for him, and you have no excuse for denying me. Don’t say
anything to Harry, child. Men don’t understand these things. It’s
between you and me; and, please God, we’ll tell him all our schemes when
we get him back safe, the dear fellow. But, dear, what is that on the
table? Sarah’s diamond! that one she has always had such a fancy for.
Has she sent it to you?”
“To Harry,” said I.
“To Harry! Dear, dear, what creatures we are!” cried Aunt Milly, much
agitated, and bursting in tears again. “Poor Sarah! she’s not so
hard-hearted as you and me were thinking, Milly. Oh, God help her; if
He would only bring her to deal true and fair, and have out this trouble
in the face of day, there might be some comfort yet for her in this very
life!”
I made no answer. I did not love Miss Mortimer, as I suppose, in some
sort of way, her sister did; and, besides, my thoughts were all turned
in another direction again. I had ceased to see the Park and its
troubles so acutely as I had done for some days past. My mind was
returned to my own private burden. I had little to say to anybody after
that. I turned away even from Aunt Milly, with a dreadful feeling that I
was not to see her again till Harry was gone. For I knew in my heart,
though they never said anything to me, that this was how it was to be.
I had not the heart to talk even to Harry, as we drove slowly back to
Chester—slowly, as I fancied. We went in the carriage all the way. We
had no railway or tunnel to go through this time. Nothing to help me to
a moment’s delusion of plunging away to the end of the world, or into
the bowels of the earth, it did not matter which, all together. That
was impossible. Miss Mortimer’s carriage put nothing in my mind but the
inevitable parting, and all that was to happen to me after Harry was
gone.
When we got to our Chester lodgings, Domenico was there, as usual, full
of the noisiest, kindest bustle, to help in getting everything in, as if
he had belonged to us, instead of belonging to a stranger, who, most
likely, had little reason to bear the heirs of the Mortimers any good
will. Mr. Luigi was standing at the window all the time, looking at the
carriage, the horses, the servants; thinking, perhaps, they might all
have been his under different circumstances. How can I tell what he was
thinking? I am sure at that moment, though I observed him at the window,
I took no pains to imagine what his thoughts were, and did not care. I
did not care for anything just then.
It was one of my bad times. It was one of the hundred partings which I
had with Harry before the real parting came. When the things were lifted
out of the carriage, I could see them all in my own mind lifted in
again, all but Harry’s share of them, and myself sitting blind in that
corner with all the world dark before me. Well, well; it is no use
reasoning over it, as if that would make things any better. Thousands
and thousands were just the same as me; did that make it any better, do
you suppose? I thought of the poor woman in the Edinburgh High Street,
and her hard damp hand that pressed mine. I was a soldier’s wife like
all the rest. I went up into my own room and got Harry’s old sash again,
and bound it tight over my heart. It gave me a kind of ease, somehow.
And to hear baby shouting at sight of his old toys, and Harry calling
for his Milly darling, downstairs! It was an agony of happiness and
anguish; it was life.
THE very next day Sara Cresswell came to see me. I cannot say that I was
very glad, for I grudged everything now that did not belong to the one
business which was engrossing us. I had been out that morning with Harry
trying to get things that were necessary for him. I don’t mean the
common articles of his outfit, for these, now that we had money enough,
could be ordered at once without contriving; but the little conveniences
that might make him more comfortable. He protested that I would load him
with so many contrivances for comfort that comfort would be impossible;
and, I daresay I was foolish. But he let me do it without more than just
laughing at me. He knew it was a sort of consolation. When Sara came the
room was in a litter with all sorts of portable apparatus; things for
cooking, and lamps, and portable dressing things, and the wonderful
convenient portmanteaus they make now-a-days. I was putting them all
together, and comparing, and thinking all how he would do when, instead
of home, where everything came naturally, without being asked for, he
should have only these skeletons to make himself comfortable with. I had
lighted the lamp, and was boiling the little kettle over it, to see how
it would do. Ah, if we only had been going all together! If I could have
imagined myself there to boil the kettle and have everything warm and
nice for him when he came in from the trenches, how pleasant all these
contrivances would have been! As it was I had just had his servant up
and been showing him the things we had bought; he looking grim and half
amused, touching his cap and saying, “Yes, ma’am,” to every word I said,
but laughing in his mind at all my womanish nonsense. I could see that
perfectly, and I had a good cry after the man was gone; and was just
rousing up from that, to boil the little kettle, when Sara Cresswell
came in.
In this short week there was a good deal of change upon Sara. Her eyes
had a quick kind of fitful light in them gleaming about everywhere, as
if she were somehow dissatisfied, either with herself or her own
circumstances, and sought a kind of relief in external things. There
was a change in her appearance too; her little short curls had either
grown too long to cluster about her neck as she had worn them, or she
had taken another caprice about this fashion of hers, for they were now
all gathered into a net, a thing which changed her appearance, somehow,
without one being able to see for the first minute how it was. She
flushed up wonderfully when she saw my occupation. She came and kissed
me, and sat down by me to watch the lamp. I had to explain to her all
about it, how it was arranged, and everything; and after she had sat
with me watching till the little kettle boiled, all at once it seemed to
flash upon her what dreadful thing was implied to me in that little
apparatus, and she suddenly looked up in my face and took hold of my
hand, and burst out crying. I gave way just for one moment too, but even
her presence and her sympathy kept me from breaking down altogether. But
it warmed my heart to Sara to see her crying for my trouble. I took the
little teapot out of the place it was fitted into and made some tea, and
gave her some without saying anything. We sat by the table where that
little lamp was still burning, throwing the steady, cheerful little
flame that showed so strange in the daylight, upon us. We drank that tea
together without saying anything, till Sara, not being able to contain
herself, her heart quite running over with pity for me, took the cup out
of my hand and threw her arms round me. “We shall be sisters while he is
away!” cried Sara, not knowing what to say to comfort me. I don’t think
I said anything; but we were real fast friends from that day.
“But I must have everything cleared away now, before Harry comes in,”
said I; “he must not see all this litter we have been making. He thinks
me foolish enough already. Go into the other room, Sara dear, and take a
book and wait for me. Lizzie is out with baby. I’ll come to you
presently.”
“As if I could not help!” cried Sara, dashing the tears away off her
cheek. “Why, oh, Milly, why won’t people let us women do what we were
born to? This is twenty times pleasanter than going into the other room
and taking a book.”
And so, I daresay, it was. When everything was tidy we did go into the
other room. Sara sat near the window, where she could see out without
being seen herself. I took up some of Harry’s things that I had begun to
make before Aunt Milly’s money came. I would have made them every one
myself if I could, but that, to be sure, was impossible; and what a
comfort it was to think he would have such a good supply of everything;
but still it was a pleasure to me to have that work. We sat talking for
some time about other things, about the Park, and Aunt Milly, and Miss
Mortimer, but without touching upon anything but the surface,—how I
liked them, and all that,—till at last Sara gave a little start and
exclamation, and put her hands together. It was something she saw in the
street. I rose to look over her shoulder what it was.
“There is Mr. Langham and Mr. Luigi,” cried Sara. “What can they be
talking about? Are they coming in, I wonder? How earnest they both look!
Now they are turning back again. Oh, Milly, tell me, please! what are
they talking about?”
“How can I possibly tell you?” said I; but I suppose there was a little
faltering and consciousness in my tone.
Sara sat watching for some time longer. “They walk up and down, quite
engrossed in their conversation,” said Sara; “when they reach the end of
the pavement, they turn back again, up and down, up and down. Now Mr.
Langham seems urging something upon him—now he turns away, he clasps
his hands together, he appeals to Mr. Langham. What is it? what is it
all about? I never can persuade him to tell me. How does he belong to
the Park or the Mortimers? Why are they frightened for him? Oh, Milly,
you who have just come from them, tell me what it is? I am not asking
from vain curiosity—I—I—I have a right——”
Here Sara stopped, overcome with agitation. I was close behind her. I
could not help growing agitated too.
“Sara, tell me!” I cried; “we are both motherless creatures, and you
have nobody to guide you. Tell me; you call him he, you don’t say his
name. What is he to you?”
Sara turned back and leant her head upon me, and fell into a passion of
tears again;—different tears—tears for herself, and out of the anguish
of her heart. She was doing wrong—she knew she was doing wrong—she had
gone on with it wilfully, knowing it was wrong all the time; and now she
had gone too far to draw back.
“Oh, Milly, Milly, papa does not know!” she cried, in such a tone of
misery. And, indeed, I don’t wonder. How could she look him in the face
knowing how fond of her he was?
“But, Sara, this is dreadfully wrong of Mr. Luigi,” cried I; “he ought
to know better; he should at least have gone to Mr. Cresswell. It is his
fault.”
“Was it your Harry’s fault?” cried Sara, starting up in my face, all
flushed and glowing. “Should he have gone directly and told everybody?
And you were married, married, Milly!—and ever such a time before it
was found out. How can you pretend to be so shocked at me?”
To see her spring up, all blushing and beautiful, and determined as she
was—she who had been sobbing on my shoulder a moment before, took me
entirely by surprise. I retreated a step before her. I could not tell
what answer to make. She was not ashamed, the little darling creature!
She was ready to stand up for him against all the world.
“It was not my good father that loved me, it was only my aunt,” I said,
faltering; “and, besides, it was I who should have told her; and as for
Harry—Harry——”
“He is no better than Luigi!” cried Sara; “he ought to have gone and
told and asked for you. You know he should; and you were married,
actually married, and oh, Milly, can you really venture to scold me?”
“If I had nothing else to excuse me I was ashamed, at least,” said I, a
little sharply.
“I am not ashamed of Lewis!” cried the little girl, stamping her little
foot and clasping her hands together. When her courage deserted her, she
came and nestled into my side again, and clasped her arms tight and
cried. What was to be done? for whatever I might have done myself, I
could not be an accessory to Sara’s secret, to break her kind father’s
heart.
“But tell me who he is? What is Mr. Langham speaking to him about?”
whispered Sara at last.
“Has he not told you who he is?”
“Only that soon he will be able to come to papa and tell him everything,
but that his duty to somebody prevents him speaking now, till he has
permission,” said Sara, under her breath. “I am not excusing him,” she
went on, lifting up her head. “As you say, it was my part to tell papa;
and it was only just the other day that—that—there was anything to
tell. We have not been going on making it up for a long time. We have
not been keeping it secret for months, like some people.”
“Sara, hush,” said I; “you know quite well your case and mine are not
alike; but, at any rate, I am older and wiser now. Must I, or must
Harry, go and tell your father?”
Sara looked at me with a degree of affectionate spite and wickedness I
never saw equalled. “You would, you treacherous, perfidious creature!”
she cried, flinging away from me; “but Mr. Langham wouldn’t!—you need
not think it. You will have to go yourself; and papa will think we have
had a quarrel, and won’t believe you. Ah, Milly! here they are coming
back. Tell me what Mr. Langham was saying to him? Tell me what it all
is?”
If I had known ever so well what to tell her, and been as willing as I
was able, I would have been prevented by Harry’s coming in. He was
looking grave and perplexed. His interview with Luigi had not satisfied
him, any more than such a conversation had satisfied anybody else who
approached the Italian. Sara stopped short with the most violent blush
on her face when she saw him. She withdrew from me, and got into a
corner. She went to the window, and pretended to be looking out very
earnestly. She answered Harry’s salutation only over my shoulder. The
next moment she came whispering to me that it was time for her to go.
Evidently, however much she encouraged herself by our example, she could
not face Harry. She whispered, “Don’t tell!” and clenched her little
fist at me as she went away. Of course I only laughed at her; but it
appeared I did not need to tell Harry. He came upstairs, after seeing
her out, with a smile on his face.
“Has she been telling you what trouble she has got herself into? Oh,
don’t betray her secret,” said Harry. “I have just heard it from the
other side. Here are other two fools following our example, Milly. What
is to be done for them? It is worse, you know, in their case, as I took
pains to show Luigi. Mr. Cresswell is a different person from Aunt
Connor; and we two were equal in our poverty. I don’t approve,” said
Harry, with a laugh mingling in his gravity, “of such a thing as this.”
“And what did he say?” said I, thinking, no doubt, that my Harry’s
wisdom had made the Italian ashamed of himself.
Harry laughed again, but grew rather red. “Word for word what I used to
say when I was explaining to myself why I did not go and ask you from
your Aunt Connor. I hope they’ll have as good an issue as we have had,
Milly, darling,” said Harry, “But here’s some extraordinary mistake
again. Either we’re mistaken in our guess, which I can’t think possible,
or poor Luigi’s dreadfully mistaken in the laws of England and of
civilised life. Perhaps he thinks our being Protestants makes an end of
law. I can’t tell what he thinks, nor what to think of the whole
concern. He refuses my mediation, Milly; at least he tells me I am
wrong.”
“Wrong in what particular?” I asked eagerly.
Harry shook his head. “I can’t tell; but he will not hear of any
compensation, or of giving up his pursuit of that poor old lady. When
he saw what I meant he grew very hot and angry, and asked if I meant to
insult him, but afterwards said to himself, ‘It is in ignorance,’ with a
sort of magnanimity which would be simply ridiculous according to my
notion of the affair. They’ll have it out their own way, Milly. We can’t
interfere, that’s clear; only I wish there was some light thrown upon
it,” said Harry, “before I went away, that I might know what your
fortune is likely to be. What would you say if this grand Park of yours
turned out to be no inheritance for us at all?”
“I should not break my heart; but what could he have to do with the
Park?” cried I. “If he were Mr. Mortimer’s son, why should Miss Mortimer
be so troubled about it? and how could he, if he is Miss Mortimer’s——”
“Hush, Milly; we don’t know anything about it. Let’s talk of our own
concerns,” said Harry, with a sigh. These words plunged me back again
into the mood from which Sara had roused me. The other things went like
shadows—this was the real life which belonged to us.
I DON’T remember very well after that how these outside affairs went on.
I used to see them both, of course. Sara came to me almost every day,
and sometimes helped with my work, and sometimes played with baby, and
sometimes would read aloud to me when Harry was out. She meant it very
well and was very good, and a comfort, as much as that was possible. I
remember being glad when she read, and did not talk, for then I was free
to my own thoughts. I daresay, thinking it over since, that it must have
been the fascination of seeing her constantly, which for that interval
took precedence of everything in Luigi’s mind, and kept him inactive;
for I heard from Aunt Milly that he had not been to the Park again, nor
heard of in any way, so far as she knew. And Miss Mortimer had been
ailing too, and had very bad nights, and had been a whole week that she
did not come downstairs. I heard all these things at the time without
taking any notice of them. Harry, after finding himself so unsuccessful
with Luigi, had given it all up; and we were both too much occupied with
our own concerns to think of anything else. We did not talk much of what
was to happen when he was gone. It had come to be tacitly concluded that
I was to go with Aunt Milly; and, I suppose, that thought that crossed
Harry’s mind after his conversation with Luigi,—“What if the Park
should turn out to be no inheritance of ours after all?”—had passed
away again as it came. I can’t say I ever thought of the Park at that
time one way or another; and I am sure what Harry was glad for me to
have, was not the prospect of a great fortune, but the presence of a
dear friend.
One day he rode out to see Aunt Milly, and take leave of her. He saw
them both, he told me, but nothing passed that I cared to inquire into.
We had a great deal to do, which helped us to pull through these days.
It was such a difficulty to get those things which I had collected,
packed. Harry’s servant came, and puffed and scratched his head over
them, and poor Domenico came up to help; and what with his broad laughs
and pantomime, and his determination to get everything in, and his
cheerfulness over all his failures, and the ludicrous way in which he
and Thomson addressed each other, each in his own language, and abused
each other too, even I was obliged to laugh, and the assistants were all
kept in good-humour. I felt as if it had been very dark all these
days—often raining, always cloudy, the streets muddy and uncomfortable,
and the air stifling. I can’t tell whether it was so in reality, but it
certainly seemed so to me.
Then the very last day came. Harry was specially busy all that day;
there were all the men to look after, and he was acting adjutant. I went
out by myself to see whether I could not find anything else he might
want. It was very fatiguing walking—I suppose it was a rainy day. When
I came in I felt very faint, and sat down in a chair in the hall for an
instant to recover myself. I can’t tell how Luigi knew that I was there;
but he came out to the door of his room, and stood looking at me for a
moment. I got up, being jealous that anybody should see me break down,
just then; but he held up his hand as if to beg me to stay.
“May I say how I think of you?” he said. “Just now you are never out of
my mind, you and that brave Langham. Patience, patience! such men come
back—they come back!”
“Oh, hush, hush, hush!” I cried. I could say nothing more, and pressed
past him to go upstairs.
He put his hand on mine when I laid it on the rail of the stairs,
detaining me. “We are cousins,” he said, softly; “do not put me away. In
my country we say cousin-brother—it does not matter, it is the same. I
will be your brother if you will let me. Tell him. I am not to be
ashamed of; he knows not; but if she will not do what is right, soon
all the world must know. I am your brother, at your disposition. Say it
to him. I will not come to say farewell to disturb you—but tell him; he
shall trust me, and you may want a brother; we are of one blood.”
“Oh, let me go!” I cried. “I can’t ask you how this is. I can’t thank
you, though I am sure it is kindness. I can’t think of anything to-day;
let me go.”
Luigi kissed my hand, and let me go. It startled me very much for the
moment. I rushed upstairs, feeling as if he had been rude to me;—but
indeed he had not been rude to me, nor anything the least like it. But
it startled me into realizing all that was going to happen. That I
should be alone as to-morrow. I remember running and clutching at the
blinds which were down, and drawing them up with great haste, and almost
passion. It seemed to me as if that dim light were predicting something;
as if the furniture standing about was looking on, and knew what was
going to be. Now the time was come; I had gone over it and over it in my
fancy; this would be the last of my rehearsals; to-morrow Harry would be
away.
And the to-morrow came, as they always do. I did not feel in the least
diminished in my strength. I did not feel I had any body at all that
morning. I went with him to the railway steadily, you may suppose. I
would not lose a moment of the time we were to be together in any folly
about myself. I remember him saying something about me going home alone,
and all that, as men will do. But I did not lose sight of him till the
last moment when the train disappeared into the tunnel; and I can’t tell
how long I stood there watching, after it had vanished into that
darkness. Now he was gone! Another train came up, and the crowd
disturbed me standing there all by myself. I did not feel as if it were
true; but I went away all the same. I said to myself, over and over
again, “He is gone;” but it did me no good. I went out of the railway
not believing in it. Outside there was a cab waiting for me. But
Domenico rushed forward to open the door, and somehow they had contrived
that Lizzie and baby should be there to take me home. I heard afterwards
that Luigi and Domenico were both watching close by all the time, in
case I should faint, or something. I suppose they thought I would faint,
not knowing any better. Lizzie’s great eyes, panic-struck, gazing in my
face, full of tears that she durst not let fall, struck me quite
strangely when I got into the cab; and then little Harry stretched out
his arms to me—and then——. But even at the worst it was not so
dreadful as I thought it would be. I was not sitting blind and
desperate, with all the world dark before me. No, no; and God forgive me
for thinking I should. Harry was living and well, and gone to do his
duty; and this was his boy smiling in my face, and the sun was
shining——. And I had to live, and to be patient, and to pray.
When we got home, Aunt Milly’s kind face, anxiously gazing out of the
window, was the first thing I saw. She came running downstairs to take
me in her arms; she seemed to think it strange I could walk in so
steadily, and did not want any support. Sara was upstairs too. I have
no doubt it was kind, the kindest thing possible; but I felt dreadfully
fatigued, somehow, with that morning’s work. I could have liked to have
been by myself a little. I went to my own room to put off my bonnet, and
sat down with a kind of pang of comfort. I thought I was glad it was
over; and then my eye fell on Harry’s old scarf—and somehow the silence
came ringing about my ears with no “Milly, darling!” sounding through
it: and I began to see it was true, and he was away.
When Aunt Milly came stealing into the room after me, she dropped down
by my side where I was kneeling, and put her kind arms round my waist.
“Yes, dear, cry!” said Aunt Milly, “it will do you good!” But I did not
cry after that—I was better. I was glad it was over now.
We waited till we had a message by the telegraph to say the ship was
just sailing out of the Mersey; for Harry had stopped with me till the
very last moment. And then we went away. I remember everything so
clearly that happened that day. I remember how the sun kept shining, and
how they all looked at me as if I had been ill, and had to be watched
and cared for at every step. It was all very new to me. In the hall, as
we were going away, Luigi came up to me again. Aunt Milly had made me
take her arm; not that I needed it, but she seemed to think I ought to
need it. Luigi came and took my hand. “Remember!” he said, “I am your
brother, at your disposition, till he comes back.” I don’t think I made
him any answer; for the very sight of him made Aunt Milly tremble. He
went out after us to put us into the carriage, and somehow managed to do
it, though Aunt Milly was afraid of him. He put her in last of all, and
kissed her hand. Aunt Milly did not say anything to me for a long time
after. She kept gazing out of the carriage windows as long as she could
see Luigi; and I have a kind of consciousness that he stood there, with
his hat off, as long as we could be seen on the road. For the moment she
had returned into her own trouble and forgotten mine. I leaned out of
the other window, and felt the wind on my face. Ah, God send the winds
were safe upon the sea! He was gone—really gone. I was not even to hear
of him for a long time; and when I was to see him, God knew alone. I was
swept out of his sight, and he out of mine, as if we did not belong to
each other. There was only One now, in heaven or earth, that at the same
moment could see him and me. When I thought of that it melted all my
heart. Our Father, the only father we two had, saw us both, with no
boundaries between us—all that time when I could neither see nor hear
of Harry, God was my link to my husband. He knew. We were both in His
eye if we were worlds asunder. There, we were near to each other,
however else we might be separate. The impression came so strong upon me
that for a moment I could not say I was less than glad. No distance in
the world, though it put us for a time out of sight of each other, could
ever put us out of the sight of God.
NOBODY will be surprised when I say, that, after this, things got into
their usual way very soon, and that when the event was over, everything
subsided round it, and soon Aunt Milly began to forget that I was the
invalid (in spirit) whom she had taken such tender care of, and brought
back all her budget of perplexities and troubles to pour them into my
ear; and after a day or two’s retirement in my own room, which was an
ease to me, I went downstairs and about, and took a share in everything.
Miss Mortimer had got better of her illness, if illness it was. She sat
within the screen as usual, doing her knitting, and not taking much
notice of anybody. I don’t know whether she had really suffered in her
health, but it seemed to me that she got thinner, and that sometimes
there was a gleam of fiery restrained excitement in her eyes, which were
rather cold eyes by nature. We were told that she still had very bad
nights; and I am sure, two or three times when I met poor Carson by
accident, it took all my self-control to keep me from speaking to her,
and begging her to deliver herself, somehow, from this dreadful yoke. I
never saw exhaustion and a kind of weak despair so written upon
anybody’s face. These bad nights, whatever they might be to the
mistress, must have been murderous work to the poor maid.
“My dear,” said Aunt Milly, “I shall never forget that young man’s look
as he put me into the carriage, and kissed my hand.” Aunt Milly held out
her plump soft hand as she spoke, and looked at it. “They have a habit
of doing so, these Italians. But if you will believe me, Milly, it was
actually an affectionate look the poor young fellow gave me; and I
have never asked you what he meant; he was your brother, he said. My
dear, what did he mean? Ah, I remember how disappointed I was to find
that he was not your brother, and Richard Mortimer’s son. That would
have been such a happy solution of everything! but tell me why he called
himself your brother? Was it only sympathy, Milly?”
“He said we were of the same blood; he said we were relations,” said I,
with some hesitation.
The book she had been reading fell out of Aunt Milly’s hand.
“Relations!” she cried, faltering and growing pale; “then, Milly, there
can be no doubt at all about it. Milly, I tell you he must be my
father’s son; how could you be relations? And indeed, indeed,” cried
Aunt Milly, growing more and more agitated, “I can’t bear this any
longer. Now you are with me to support me, I must take it into my own
hands. I will go and write to him this moment, and ask him down here to
clear it all up. Don’t say anything—I must do it; it is impossible to
go on living in this way.”
“But Miss Mortimer?” said I.
“Miss Mortimer?” cried Aunt Milly, with a little scream, that was almost
hysterical, “what can my sister Sarah have to do with it? It is no
harder upon her than it is upon me. If he is my father’s son, how can
she be mixed up in it? And how can you and he be relations unless he is
my father’s son? Don’t speak to me, Milly. He shall come here and tell
it all, and at least we shall know what there is to fear.”
“But if she were too much excited it might make her ill,” said I,
dreading that visit, without knowing anything to say against it.
“I can’t help it!” cried Aunt Milly, “I am desperate. Think of living
and enjoying what doesn’t belong to you! Oh, Milly, Milly! what do you
think I must do? I never was in secrets and mysteries before; it’s
dreadful to me; and Sarah would not yield to tell what she’s kept hidden
so long, not for her life. We’ll see how she looks to-night. I did not
think she looked any worse than usual. I would not hurt her, you may be
sure, not for any relief to myself; but we can’t go on with this hanging
over us, Milly,” she said, with faltering lips. “I’ll write to-morrow; I
certainly will write to-morrow. Relations! My dear, dear child, it will
be a dreadful disappointment to you; but that is as good as proof.”
Poor Aunt Milly! she was desperate, as she said; and what good it would
do writing, or asking, or even demanding anything, that one of the
people who knew it would guard at the cost of her life, and the other
would disclose only at his own time, I could not see. Luigi had refused
to tell her already; he would not tell Sara Cresswell. He was waiting a
permission that never, never in this world would be given. And he, too,
must be deluded. What could he think our laws or our principles were if
he could have any rights, but those of shame? It was all a mystery; I
could see that Aunt Milly’s idea was quite a false one. But I dared not
tell her that idea of my own, which, perhaps, for anything I knew,
might prove as false as hers.
That morning I went out with Lizzie and my boy. He could walk now along
the sunny road holding my finger, and trot after his own little shadow,
and try to catch the motes in the sunshine, as I suppose all babies
do—but, to be sure, it is just as original and strange in every child
that does it, for all that. I was walking by him, very tranquil and even
contented in my mind. There had been very quiet weather; and little
Harry was so well and so beautiful; and I felt so much more as if I
could trust my Harry himself in God’s hands without trembling for him
every moment, that my heart opened out a little to the beautiful day. I
don’t know that I should have borne to see Domenico, much less to speak
to him, but for that——
For there was Domenico, unmistakably, on the edge of the common. He was
dressed in a white linen suit, all white, as if he wanted to make his
enormous bulk and his black beard as remarkable as possible in this
beardless and sober-minded country. It was warm weather now, and I
daresay he thought the hot summer was coming as in his own home. Baby,
with whom he had always been a favourite, gave a little shout at sight
of him, and tottered forward a step or two. Of course Domenico’s hat had
been in his hand from the first moment he saw me. He threw it down on
the grass now, and seized little Harry, and tossed him up in his arms. I
was afraid of this play, but my brave boy was not; he actually boxed at
Lizzie with his little fists when I begged Domenico to set him down.
“Pardon,” said Domenico; “I—me—make demand of the signora, pardon—it
pleases to the piccolo signorino beebee. I—Domenico—here—this,” said
the great fellow, punching his breast, that I might be quite sure of the
person he meant, “take joy in heart for see the signora another time.”
“Thank you, Domenico,” said I. “I shall never forget how kind you have
been. What is it that brings you here?”
Domenico pointed round to various points of the compass, not seeming
sure which to fix upon, and then burst into a great laugh at himself.
“It pleases to the signora to pardon,” said Domenico; “when not to have
the book not clevare to make the speak. Here is the master of me.”
“Your master, Domenico?—where?” cried I.
Once more Domenico looked round to all the points of the compass. “He
here—he here—puff—Ecco!—he move far away—to make the time go. Here
my master come to make the visit—the signora not to know the other
signora? Yes, yes; in that large big palazzo of not any colour. Behold!
The my master there go.”
“Who is he going to see there?” asked I, with some anxiety.
Domenico held up his hand with many elaborate gestures of caution and
silence. Then he bent his enormous person forward and stooped to my ear.
When he spoke it was in a whisper. “It is need to speak silent—silent!
The signora contessa,” said Domenico, with half-important, half-guilty
air of one who communicates a secret. I drew back from him in utter
bewilderment—what could he mean?
“There is no contessa there, Domenico,” said I, in my ordinary tone;
“your master is deceived.”
Domenico held up his hand with an evident entreaty that I would be
cautious. Then he looked back upon Lizzie, the only person in sight. “I
not fear for the Lizzie,” said Domenico; and then launched forth into a
half-whispered description of the contessa, whoever that might be. But I
confess that Domenico’s description, being Italian whenever he warmed,
and only when he slackened and recollected himself falling into such
English as he was capable of, was difficult to make out. I fully entered
into Lizzie’s feeling, that it was “awfu’ fickle to ken what he meant
when it was a long story.” I remained profoundly bewildered, and unable
to make out one word in ten.
As for learning anything about the contessa—poor fellow!—or, rather,
it was his master that was to be pitied—evidently here was some new
mistake, some additional impediment to the finding out of this mystery.
I left Lizzie with little Harry on the common, and went rather sadly
home. This little bit of apparent foolishness naturally set me all
astray as to the mysterious business which had cost us so much thought.
Was it a mistake of Domenico’s perhaps? for Luigi and Miss Mortimer had
actually met, and there could be no mistake there.
When I looked back that great white apparition was keeping Lizzie
company on the common. They were a strange couple; but I cannot say I
had any such doubts or fears concerning Domenico’s attendance, as a
proper mistress ought to have had. I flattered myself Lizzie was a great
deal too young to take any harm. She stood with her red-brown hair a
little blown about her eyes: her clear, sanguine complexion, her angular
and still awkward figure, looking up at the man-monster beside her, and
holding up her hand to shade her eyes from the sun, which was shining
in her face. While Domenico, with all his great proportions expanded by
his white dress, impended over her, his smiling mouth opening in the
midst of his black beard, an outre extraordinary foreign figure,
enough to drive any staid English village out of its propriety. I
remember the picture they made as distinctly as possible, with the green
common surrounding them, and the gorse bushes all bursting into flower;
and my own beautiful baby tottering about the fragrant grass. I was
quite secure in Lizzie’s love and Domenico’s kindness. I went away with
a smile at the curious group upon that soft English common—both figures
alien to the soil—and with a tenderness in my breast to them both.
Domenico had made himself well understood in another language, if not in
that of ordinary spoken communications. I shall always have a kindness
to his whole nation for that good fellow’s sake.
As I paused at the gate of the Park, I saw another figure advancing by
an opposite road. I recognised Luigi in a moment. He was coming
hurriedly down between the green hedges, no doubt coming to pay that
visit of which Domenico had warned me. I rushed in, with all the
eagerness of a child, to get my bonnet off and be in the drawing-room
before he came.
WHEN I reached the drawing-room, after throwing off my bonnet and
arranging my hair in the most breathless haste, terrified to hear the
summons at the door before I was downstairs, I was thunderstruck to find
Sara Cresswell there. The sight of her made an end of my awkward feeling
of shame for my own haste and curiosity. Surely this was nothing less
than a crisis that was coming. Sara had just arrived, and was explaining
the reasons for her visit in such a very fluent and demonstrative way,
that I could see at once they were all made up, and some motive entirely
different from those she mentioned had brought her. She was still in her
hat and velvet jacket, seated rather on the edge of her chair, talking
very volubly, but looking breathless and anxious, while Aunt Milly, who
was sitting in her own place, opposite her sister, and near the
fireplace, looked at her, perplexed and uncertain, evidently rather
suspicious of the many motives which had procured us this visit; which,
if Sara had only said nothing about it, would have been received as a
delightful surprise, and wanted no accounting for. It was evidently a
great relief to Sara when I came in; she came to kiss me, turning her
face away from Aunt Milly, and caught hold of me so tight, and gave me
such a troubled, emphatic look, that even if I had not heard before, I
should have known something was coming. I stood by her breathless for a
moment, wondering why the door-bell did not ring,—Luigi had certainly
had abundant time to have got to the door,—and then went up to the
other end of the room on pretence of finding my work; while Sara,
instead of following me, dropped into her chair again, evidently too
nervous, too anxious, too eager to see the first of it and lose nothing,
to do anything but sit still. We were both traitors and plotters. She
had come to watch something that was about to happen, but which the
principal person concerned did not know. While I, more cruel still, took
my trembling way up to the other end of the apartment, and stationed
myself behind Aunt Milly, that I might not lose a look or word from Miss
Mortimer. I felt ashamed of myself, but I could not help it. I felt a
kind of conviction that this was to be the decisive day.
But still there was no sound at the door; there was time to look round
all the peaceable vast room, and be struck by the quietness, the repose
of the scene in which some act of this mysterious drama was about to be
enacted. It was always very light here, but the bright day and the
sunshine out of doors, made it now even lighter than usual, and refused
to any of us the slightest shade for our faces, whatever undue
expression might come to them. Sara had adopted the only expedient
possible, by turning her back upon the light, and had, besides, a little
shelter in her hat. But dear Aunt Milly, looking at her favourite with a
troubled inquiring expression, and laying down the work she had in hand
in order to examine Sara’s countenance the better, was so fully set
forth in all her looks, movements, and almost feelings, by that broad
clear day-light, that I shrank back from it in spite of myself, fearing
that it would betray me too. The only shadow in the room was that
afforded by Miss Mortimer’s screen. She sat there just as usual, in her
violet-coloured dress, her light muslin embroidered scarf, worn without
any lining, now that the weather was warm, and her pretty cap, with
ribbons corresponding to her dress; her head moving so slightly that it
was difficult to perceive the motion; her pattern-book open on her knee,
her head bent over it. At this moment, when the thunders of Providence
were just about to break over her, she sat there, with her head over her
knitting-book, counting her stitches, and trying a new pattern. When I
saw how she was occupied, my own trembling pretence at work fell from my
hands. I gazed at her openly with a wonder which was almost awe. My
heart cried out against her in her dread composure. The Avenger was
coming, and there she sat, all conscious, aware, in every nerve, of her
guilt, and yet able to maintain that hideous calm. Yes! it would have
been sublime had she been a good woman, threatened by some undeserved
doom. I declare it was ghastly, devilish, dreadful to me!
All this time nobody came to the door. I daresay, perhaps, it was not
very many minutes after all; but in the excitement and suspense it
seemed a very long time to me. And either the house was specially quiet,
or there was something in my agitated condition which made me think so.
Miss Mortimer never lifted her head; if she had not been so engaged with
her pattern, surely she would have noticed the perplexed looks of Aunt
Milly, and my excited face. But she did not, she kept working on at her
new stitch. We all relapsed into perfect silence; Sara’s voluble excuses
for herself died all at once off her lips. Aunt Milly dropped into a
strange anxious silence, looking at her. As for myself, I could not have
spoken a word whatever had been the consequences. Sara’s nervous motion
of her foot on the carpet startled me so much that I had nearly
committed myself by some cry of agitation. It was a dread, inexplainable
pause, which nobody dared either break or account for. Dead silence and
expectation. And Miss Mortimer bending her head over her pattern-book
counting the loops for her new stitch.
The bell did not ring. If it had rung it must have startled us all so
much as to diminish the sense of what was coming; there was no such
premonition;—a little sound of steps and subdued voices in the hall
made my heart beat so loud that I felt sure my Aunt Milly must have
heard it. Sara looked up at me suddenly when that sound became audible.
Her face was perfectly colourless, and her hands firmly clasped
together.
“Children, what is it?” said Aunt Milly, with a sharp frightened cry,
breaking off suddenly in a troubled manner as the steps drew nearer.
Miss Mortimer lifted her head from her book. She looked up, she looked
full at me; she smiled. She was listening, but she was not afraid.
When suddenly the door was thrown open; Ellis called out, with his
fullest voice: “The Count Sormonata,” and somebody came in. I cannot
tell who it was that came in. I heard Sara cry out with a kind of shriek
and repeat the name, “The Count Sermoneta!” The work and the book and
all the trifling matters about her fell off from Miss Mortimer. She rose
up, clenching her hand, ghastly, like a dead woman. She cried out in a
voice I shall never forget: “he is dead, dead!” she cried, with the
wildest scream and outcry. “I tell you, he is dead, dead! My God, he is
dead! Will nobody believe me?” shrieked out the miserable woman. Her
sister ran to her, and was thrust away with those terrible clenched
hands. But she never turned to look, nor cast aside her screen that hid
the new comer from her. She stood still like some frightful statue,
rigid, with her wild eyes fixed upon the air before her—heaven knows
what she might see there!—listening in some frightful agony to the
steps that came slowly up the room. When that scream burst from her the
footsteps faltered and stopped. Then Miss Mortimer looked at me, the
only creature she saw before her, and laughed a dreadful laugh of
madness and misery. “He knows it!” she cried out, triumphantly, “if you
did not, he does. He is dead, dead!” and then came to another dreadful
pause, leaning her clenched hands upon the table and fixing her wild
eyes upon something straight before her. While I followed the mad stare
of her eyes with a shudder I could not refrain, another person came with
noiseless rapidity into the spot she was gazing on. It was not a
spectre—it was simply Luigi, from whose face agitation had banished all
the colour, and who stood trembling and speechless, wringing his hands,
and gazing at her with an unspeakable appeal and entreaty. She did not
say anything more; she stood with her eyes full opened and staring wide,
leaning her hands on that table. I believe, if anybody had touched her,
she would have fallen. I almost believed, while I looked at her, that
she had died standing, and that it was a lifeless form that stood fixed
in that horrible erect attitude, fronting us all, fronting a thousand
times more than us, all the guilt and sins of her life. I gave a cry
myself in the extremity of my terror and trouble. I went to her, I
cannot tell how, stumbling over Aunt Milly, who had either fallen or
fainted, or I cannot tell what. I went and put my arm round that
dreadful ghastly figure. It was not her I was approaching, but it, the
terrible mask and image of her. I had not a thought but that she was
dead.
When I touched her, she fell, as I had thought she would. But so strong
an impression did her dreadful appearance have upon me, that, when her
figure sank into the chair and showed some elasticity, instead of going
down on the floor, crumbling down, dropping to pieces, as somehow I had
expected, I was struck with a horrible fear and surprise. She was not
dead. I called out to them all, what were we to do? and she seemed to
hear me. I saw, with a terror I cannot explain, her terrible eyes turn
from Luigi—they looked at me, at Aunt Milly, they cast a glance over
the room. Was it that the spirit was living and the body dead?
I cannot tell what we did for a dreadful interval after that. Carson
came into the confused crowd. Luigi disappeared to find a doctor, and we
tried to get her lifted and laid upon the sofa. But though she neither
moved nor spoke, and scarcely seemed to breathe, she resisted, in some
dreadful way, and would not be removed. I shall never forget that
dreadful face; when I am ill it comes back to me, a recollection never
to be banished;—dead—yet never consenting to die, keeping alive,
determined, resolute, unshaken. I can see the discoloured lips begin to
move, the words formed on the inarticulate tongue, the eyes lightening
out of that fixed stare. Half the house had stolen into the room in
this dreadful emergency without anybody observing them. But the dead
woman observed them. And I, who was standing nearest, recoiled from her
side, and the whole circle round her broke up and fell back in
speechless horror, when a sound broke from that dreadful convulsed
mouth. Old Carson, trembling but faithful, stood by her mistress. The
poor creature said she understood that sound. It was to send everybody
away, said the woman, whose limbs would scarcely support her, and whose
very teeth chattered. They all went away, terrified but curious; the
boldest lingered behind the screen. Nobody remained within sight of
those dreadful eyes but Aunt Milly and me. We two stood huddled on each
other, not daring to say a word, or even to exchange looks. Carson stood
by her mistress’s side. Carson knew all and everything, more than we
knew. She held some cordial to the dead lips, she chafed the ghastly
hand, she gazed with pitiful eyes and tears and entreaties at the
terrible face. This woman was not deserted in her terrible necessity.
The voice of that humble love reached somehow to the springs of
existence, and she came back slowly, in a solemn, fearful waking, out of
death into life. We stood looking on, with an awe and terror impossible
to describe. It was a miracle slowly enacting before us. She was dead
and was alive again. Ghastly and dreadful, like a woman out of the
grave, Miss Mortimer woke up to all her misery again.
THIS extraordinary revival was going on when the doctor rushed in.
Carson, who had been the principal person in all this scene, rushed at
him and drew him back. She kept her hand on his arm, detained him, ran
into voluble but trembling explanations. When he came forward the doctor
gazed with a troubled face at the patient. A fainting fit brought on by
great agitation; nobody could give any other account of it; he felt her
pulse, and prescribed, and lingered, and looked at us all with mingled
inquiry and suspicion. What had we been doing to her? Why had she not
been removed to bed? A flash came from the awakening eyes. She made a
motion of her hand, waving him away, then looked at me, and pointed
vaguely but imperatively before her. When I did not obey immediately,
she repeated the question, and at last spoke, with great evident pain,
impatience, and imperiousness: “Bring him?” were those the words? She
was so imperative, so fiercely determined, that I hastened out to call
Luigi. I found him at the door watching, very pale, and in profound
distress. He came in after me without saying a word; he went up to her
without waiting for me, and knelt down at her feet, and took her hands
in his own. “Mother! Mother!” cried the young man. If it did not go to
her heart, it went to the heart of every other person present; and Aunt
Milly, with a great cry of amazement and terror, repeated it after him,
“Mother!” But who could think of any discovery then? The doctor stood
listening, thunderstruck, behind the screen. I believe Sara Cresswell
was in the room. But we who were round about this terrible figure could
observe nothing else, except the dread inarticulate waves of passion
that kept rising in her dead face. She thrust at her son with a wild
motion of her bloodless hands as if to put him away. She questioned him
with her eyes in such frantic impatience, because he could not
understand her, that the sight was more than I could bear. I fell back
from her trembling and like to faint. Then her will got the better of
her weakness. She cried out aloud, with a voice that I am sure could
have been heard all over the house;—it was not a living voice; it rang
out wild, and loud, and hard, in separate words,—“Where is he?—he?
dead! let him come. I know he is dead, let him come;—Count!” and here
the terrible voice rose and broke in a wild horror of babbling cries.
God help us! It was a dreadful scene. Aunt Milly stood supporting
herself by a chair, unable to utter a word or even to move. I was afraid
to stir, lest I should faint and fall on the floor. Carson only stood
close by her mistress, supporting her head and gazing with wistful eyes
at Luigi; the young man stumbled up from his knees in an agony of pity
and horror. He held up his hands in wild appeal, whether to her, or to
us, or only to God, I cannot tell. “It is my father!” he cried. “She
thinks it was my father; and I am to blame!” Then he knelt down again
humbly at her feet, and held up his clasped hands to her as if he were
praying. I think he must have done it with an intention of drawing her
attention by any means, and to prove to her that it was the truth he
said.
“Mother,” he cried, looking up at those eyes which had returned, and
were fixed upon him,—“mother, I am your son! My father is dead and
undisturbed in his grave; he has sent me to his wife. It is I, it is no
other. He is with the saints, where there are no names. It is I who am
Sermoneta; mother! Oh, heaven, does she not hear me? will she not hear
me? It was I, only I. It was Luigi, Countess! If I must not bear your
name, I must bear my own. I say it was I, not my father, who can neither
do evil nor endure it,—me, either Luigi Sermoneta or Lewis Mortimer, as
you will,—your son!”
It is impossible to describe the effect this had upon us all. Aunt Milly
burst forth into weeping, convulsive, and not to be restrained. Poor
Carson’s bosom heaved with silent sobs. Luigi, who had risen up as he
said these last words, stood erect in a passionate self-assertion and
defence before his miserable mother. Even she changed under this sudden
blaze of revelation. She sat up in her chair, and grew more human; her
rigid head began to tremble, her dread-eyes to lose their horror. Now it
was no longer that mad ghastly stare with which she regarded the young
man before her. She looked at him, leaning forward, slowly recovering
her powers. Some convulsive gasps or sobs in her throat alone
interrupted this pause of terrible silence. She looked at him, from head
to foot, with a slow, dismal scrutiny. Only once before in her life had
she met him face to face; then she had been strong enough to send him
away and disown him. Now, perforce, the mother looked at her son. The
young man trembled under that steady gaze; he held out his hands, and
cried out “Mother!” as if all the eloquence in the world lay in that
word. She continued perusing him all over with that slow examination.
Gradually she returned to be herself again. Not changed, not subdued!
Out of that death and agony there came forth, not a repentant woman, but
Sarah Mortimer, a creature who would not believe in everlasting truth
and justice—not though one should rise from the dead.
“If you are Count Sermoneta,” she said, with all her old expression,
pausing between the words to get strength, but speaking in her usual
voice, “how do you dare come to me and offer what your father refused?
Impostor! you shall never, never, never sit in my father’s place! I
disown you. I—I have nothing to do with you. What! would you kill me
again?”
Here I interposed; I could not help myself. My very soul sickened at
her. I came forward, without knowing what I was doing. “Let her alone,”
I cried out, “don’t say anything. She has died and come alive again, and
is no better. Do you think you can move her? Oh, Aunt Milly, it is your
part now. Take him away out of her sight, leave her alone in her
wretchedness. Can you bear to see her smiling there?—smiling at us!
She is dead, and it is a devil that has come into her frame!”
“Milly, hush, hush, you are mad,” cried Sara Cresswell, behind me; but
Aunt Milly did not think I was mad. She came and put her arm into
Luigi’s, her tears driven away by horror and indignation. “As sure as
God sees us all,” cried Aunt Milly, “I will do you justice. Come away
from her, as Milly, says. You make her wickeder and wickeder—Oh,
wickeder than she really is! Oh, Sarah,” she cried out, turning suddenly
round, “is it true?—is he your son?”
Miss Mortimer said nothing;—the very colour had returned to her face.
Her head trembled excessively, but she had forced some frightful
caricature of a smile upon her lip. She held out her hand and pointed at
them in a kind of derision. “You were always a fool,” she said at last,
with a gasp. Aunt Milly did not wait or hesitate any longer. She was
possessed, like me, with a sudden impatience and intolerance of that
inhuman hard-heartedness. She went away hastily out of the room,
drawing Luigi with her. Miss Mortimer listened to the sound of their
steps till it had quite died away. Then she turned round to Carson with
some instinctive confession of weakness at last. Their eyes met; but
even Carson could no longer receive this dreadful confidence. She
stumbled back from her mistress with a cry. “I cannot, I cannot!” cried
Carson, “anything but this. I held him in my arms a baby, and I’ll never
disown him, if I was to die.” As her mistress turned round upon her,
Carson retreated back till she came to the wall, and stood there, fixed
and desperate, holding up her hands as if to keep off those pursuing
eyes. “Whatever you please!” cried Carson, “but not to disown him as I
dressed the first day he was in this world. No! not for no payment nor
coaxing! I’ve served you faithful all times and seasons, but I’ll not do
no more, not if I was to die!”
Miss Mortimer sat gazing at her rebellious maid. What no other appeal
could do this did. She sank into the frail old woman she was, as she
gazed at Carson, who had forsaken her. She broke forth into feeble,
passionate tears. She could bear to send her son away from her, but she
could not bear to lose her faithful companion and attendant of forty
years. “Carson!” cried the broken voice, in a tone of absolute despair.
Then Miss Mortimer rose up. I ran forward to her in terror, and so did
Sara, but she waved us both away, steadied herself, cast a long look
upon the woman who stood trembling against the wall, and slowly turned
to make her way out of the room. She walked like some one upon whom
sudden blindness had fallen, wavering, stopping to steady herself,
putting out her hand to pilot the way, groping through the piercing
daylight that penetrated every corner of the room. We followed her,
trembling and terrified. As she went slowly through the long room, heavy
sobs came from her poor breast, sobs of which she was not conscious; her
muslin scarf had been torn and crushed in her dreadful faint, if it was
a faint, and hung all dishevelled from her shoulders. One hand hung
loosely down by her side, the other she groped with as she made her way.
Now and then she moaned aloud. Oh, miserable forsaken creature! there
had been still one link of life to hold her on to the living world.
We went after her, silent, hushing our very steps lest she should turn
upon us, and watching with a perfect awe of wonder how she steered
herself through the room; she stumbled on the stair, but still rejected
any assistance. All the way up she went forlorn, accepting no support.
When we reached her door, I rushed forward not to let her shut me out.
“Let me be your maid to-night,” I cried out, laying my hand upon hers.
Her hand made me shiver; it was cold, as if it had actually been dead.
She pushed me back, not looking at me, and shut the door. What she did,
or how she sustained herself in that vacant room, we could see no
longer. Sara and I, arrested at the door, turned and looked into each
other’s faces. Sara broke out into the passionate tears of excitement
and agitation which could be restrained no longer. “She will kill
herself!” cried Sara. “Oh, godmamma, let me in, let me in. I will
never cross you or trouble you. I will wait upon you night and day,
godmamma!” No answer came. We tried to open the door, but she had
fastened it. We could do nothing but leave her alone in this dreadful
solitude. For a little while a rustling sound of motion was in the room,
and still those pathetic, unconscious moans breaking at intervals into
the silence. But after a while all became still. She had not fainted or
fallen, for we should have heard her. She made no answer to our
entreaties—dead silence reigned in the room where that living spirit,
with all its dread forces and passions, palpitated within its veil of
worn-out flesh. I could imagine her taking possession of that dreadful
solitude, losing at a blow far more than reputation or fair-fame, all
that made her life tolerable to her, entering upon a new, unthought of,
murderous purgatory. We could not make up our minds to leave that closed
door. Sara was still crying, and almost hysterical with her long strain
of excitement. I made her go into the neighbouring room, where Lizzie
was with my boy, while I ran downstairs for Aunt Milly. Oh, what a
contrast it was! I snatched little Harry into my arms to kiss him, and
went away again, with a pity, I cannot describe, past the door where
that dreadful forsaken woman lay alone in the silence. I could not bear
it. God alone knew how she had sinned; but to leave her thus deserted in
her misery was not in the heart of man.
I ran downstairs very hastily without waiting to think—at the foot of
the stairs Carson stood crying. She gasped out an inquiry at me which
was not audible at first. “Is she alone? alone? alone? Will nobody stay
with her?” cried Carson. “Oh, ma’am, my missis will never let me near
her again! I know it’s no use trying; but, for the love of mercy, let
somebody get into the room! There’s poisons and all sorts there. God
forgive me! couldn’t I have held my tongue?” cried the poor woman, in an
agony of terror. I was angry with her in the impatience of my thoughts.
I did not consider for how many long years Carson had endured all.
“But why can’t you go up now? try if she will let you in; she is fond of
you, Carson,” said I. “Oh, go, go, and try.”
“She’ll never look at me more,” said Carson with mournful certainty;
“but I’ll go, I’ll try. If it was at the end of the world, I’d go; but
she’ll never see me again.” The poor woman went upstairs saying this
over to herself, and dreadful as it was to think so, I was certain she
was right.
And I went on to the library where Aunt Milly was. She had forgotten her
sister. She was listening, with a glowing face, with tears, and
outcries, and lamentations, to the tale Luigi told her. Some papers were
lying before them, and a miniature, which caught my eye even at such a
moment—a picture of a lovely fair woman, imperious and splendid. I
cannot say that it bore any resemblance to the wretched, solitary
creature upstairs; but I knew it was Sarah Mortimer,—Sarah Mortimer,
unkind, untrue, a woman making no account of love or tenderness; but not
the Sarah Mortimer who had delivered herself to the devil, and turned
her back upon nature. I pointed at it unconsciously in my excitement. It
was easier than naming her name.
“Do you know she is alone upstairs, by herself?” cried I, “perhaps
dying, and nobody with her! Aunt Milly, you are her sister. She will
neither let us in, nor answer us. You have a right to go to her. There
are all kinds of dangerous things in the room—she might die!”
“But Carson—Carson is there,” cried Aunt Milly, grasping my hand, to
bring me to myself. “My dear, Carson is a better companion than either
you or me.”
“But Carson has gone,” I cried, “Carson will never be with her any more.
Hush! was that a sound upstairs? Come, I entreat you! She is all alone,
quite alone, not a creature with her. It is heartrending to think what
she is doing there—come! come!”
Aunt Milly stood perplexed. She could not comprehend Carson’s absence,
and I might have had a long account of the whole matter to go through
had not Luigi come to my assistance. He took her hand hurriedly, and
pressed it in his own.
“My aunt, I can wait,” said Luigi, “and I will till there is time for
me; but my mother, my mother is——”
Aunt Milly started, and understood all in a moment. His mother, the
unfortunate wretched woman who had disowned and rejected him—no need
for over-much explaining, or setting-forth of all the darker shades of
the picture to show her wretchedness. Nature and she had parted company,
and there was nothing too dreadful that might not befall her in the
fatal silence of that secluded room.
ALL the remainder of that dreadful afternoon we spent in vain endeavours
to get admission. No answer came to us from those closed doors—silence,
dead and unbroken, was within those concealing walls, which it seemed
wonderful to me did not beat and throb with the torturing life within
them. The whole house was disturbed, as was to be supposed. While we
stood in an anxious, troubled group round Miss Mortimer’s door, Carson,
with her melancholy and ashamed face, stood anxious and terrified at a
little distance—the maids below came to take furtive peeps upon the
stairs—and Ellis himself stood listening in the hall, catching at every
sound. The whole house was conscious of some dreadful crisis, which had
occurred, or was occurring; and even in the frightful anxiety which
possessed us, Aunt Milly began to feel that extraordinary infraction of
all the decorums of such a house. She whispered to Sara to leave us, and
go downstairs to restore the equilibrium of the household a little, and
sent Carson into Lizzie’s room, where the poor creature sank,
overpowered and almost fainting, upon the bed. Then Aunt Milly went away
to her own apartment, and came back with a huge bunch of keys. With
these in her hand she motioned me to follow her round about into the
little corridor to which Miss Mortimer’s dressing-room opened. “Milly,
stand by me,” she cried, with a sob. “I’d rather face so many lions than
go in upon her against her will—but it must be—I cannot help myself.
After what we saw to-day, I should be guilty, I should be a
criminal—don’t you think so, Milly?—if I left her alone to-night.”
It was getting dusk, and the light was pale and ghastly in that little
corridor which was close upon the backstairs, and very bare and chill.
The door opened without the assistance of the keys. We went into the
little luxurious room where the fire burned brightly, warm though the
weather was, and which bore all the marks of being lived in and
cherished. An easy-chair and footstool were placed at the side of the
fire, and close by stood a little table with a raised ornamental rim,
like a tray, in which some books and some of Miss Mortimer’s materials
for work were placed. At the other end of the room was a window, where
stood a plain rush-bottomed chair and a large round basket of work;
there was Carson’s place; and the union of the two in this their joint
retirement and dwelling-place—the junction of the lady’s luxuries and
the servant’s labours in this habitation common to them both—struck me
with a pathetic force, now that this old, long, immemorial connection
was brought to a close so hurriedly. Aunt Milly did not linger in this
room; she went straight to the door leading into the bedchamber which
was fastened. “Sarah,” she called softly, “Sarah!” there was no answer.
We listened, and the silence round was dreadful; the silence and the
gathering twilight, and the terrible mystery of life or death that lay
in that closed-up room. Then she tried the keys with her trembling
hands. Still not a word from the solitary within, not even of
remonstrance or indignation. After what seemed to us a dreadful tedious
interval, in which the night appeared visibly to darken round us, the
lock at length yielded. The key that had been in it fell, with a dull,
heavy sound, inside, making our hearts beat. Then Aunt Milly opened the
door. I shall never forget the sensation with which I entered that dark
room. What we were to find there, a ghastly corpse or a miserable living
creature, nobody could tell; treading on the soft carpets that made our
footsteps noiseless, brushing past those soft-drawn curtains which shut
out every draught, coming into this atmosphere of care, and comfort, and
luxury, the contrast was almost too dreadful to bear. I remember trying
to listen for her breath, but could not for the terrified beating of my
own heart. The darkness made everything more dreadful still, for the
blinds were drawn down, and the little light there was fell so faintly
through them that we could scarcely find our way through the room. Aunt
Milly was before me; she made a terrified plunge forward, and gave a cry
as we came past the head of the bed, which was towards the dressing-room
door. Something lay in a heap on the floor by the side of the bed. She
threw herself down on the floor beside that heap. I don’t think she was
conscious, even when she touched it, what it was; but as I rushed to
help her, as I thought, I was suddenly arrested by a gleam of eyes from
the bed. “I am not dead,” said Miss Mortimer. I could not help nor
command myself. Some scream or shriek came from me in the extremity of
my awe and terror. I could hear it answered by a sudden stir and
commotion outside the door. “They’re killing my mistress,” was Lizzie’s
voice; and with the wildest alarm lest some violent attack on the door
should follow, I rushed to it, opened it, and asked for lights.
Outside were half the household grouped at various distances. No
precautions could stifle that eager curiosity which knew by instinct
that some wonderful mystery was here. They all dispersed when they saw
me, frightened and ashamed of themselves. Only Lizzie kept her ground.
She seized hold of my sleeve and detained me. “You’re no to stay there!”
cried Lizzie. “Oh, no you, no you! You’ll gang and let them kill
you, and the bairn’ll perish, and the Captain never come hame! Let me
in! I’ll get the drinks and keep up the fire, and never close an e’e;
but it’s no you that’s to watch, and you the light o’ folks e’en. It’s
no to be you! If I was to gang to my bed and sleep, what would the
Captain say to me?” cried poor Lizzie, with a trembling burst of
excitement and anxiety, standing close up by me, holding my sleeve,
pressing to enter the room. Somehow it comforted me, though it was a
piece of folly. I told her again to get the lights, and went back into
the dark, solemn room. These sounds of the outside world had not entered
there. Miss Mortimer lay on the bed with her eyes wide-awake and
gleaming, gathering into them all the little light in the room. Aunt
Milly stood beside her, asking how she was; herself scarcely recovered
from the shock that had been given her by that heap of clothes upon the
floor, trembling, not knowing very well what she said, her great
yearning anxiety and curiosity to get at her sister’s heart, overflowing
in uneasy questions. Did she feel ill? Would she have anything? How was
she? Miss Mortimer took no notice of her questions. She repeated once “I
am not dead,” with a strange spitefulness and defiance, and for the rest
lay silent, looking at me as I moved about the room, a dark
undecipherable figure, and at poor Aunt Milly standing beside me. She
took no other notice. It seemed to please her to lie there silent,
defying all our curiosity. But she did not complain or find fault with
our presence. I believe in my heart she was glad to have her dreadful
solitude thus broken, and that it was a comfort to her desolation to see
living creatures moving in the darkness. I cannot help thinking so; but
after that one expression, twice repeated, not all the anxious questions
of her sister could bring a syllable to her lips.
When the candles came she closed her eyes; then, after a little
interval, made a wrench at the curtains and gave an impatient sigh. The
sigh was for Carson, who doubtless knew exactly what she liked and what
she did not like. The fire was laid already in the grate, and I lighted
it, and began to put away those things which lay on the floor. Wherever
I moved, when it was within her sight, she followed me with her eyes
from within the crimson shadow of the curtain. She was perfectly
composed and self-possessed. She was even well as it appeared. The
ghastly colour had disappeared from her face. She lay there
self-absorbed, as she sat over her knitting. All the dread incidents of
this day had passed over, and left Sarah Mortimer unchanged. Such a
woman could deny, defy, live through any thing. I watched her with
indescribable awe and——. Well! I had pitied her while she was alone;
but do you suppose I could love such a woman, lying there unmoved and
unrepentant, in her dread self-occupation? It was not possible I hated
her, loathed her, turned away with sickening and disgust from her
dreadful looks. It was hard, even, to pity her now.
I HAD with difficulty overcome Aunt Milly. I had represented to her how
much better I was able to bear it than she, and Aunt Milly herself had
sent off Sara Cresswell to bed. It was late at night, and all the house
was still. We were both together in the dressing-room. Nothing would
persuade dear Aunt Milly to leave me alone to this vigil. She wrapped
herself in a shawl and lay down upon the sofa. “I am at hand the moment
I am wanted,” she said. I had kissed baby, and said my prayers beside
him. I was not frightened or nervous now. I went in, wrapped in my
dressing-gown, to look at my patient. She stretched out her hand, and
then when she saw me, drew it back again with a fretful groan, and
turned her face to the wall. It was Carson, still Carson, whom she
missed at every turn. But she did not answer me when I asked if she
wanted anything, she only groaned again with a dismal impotence and
impatience. I sat and watched her at a distance while she lay in that
broad wakefulness, her eyes wandering to and fro, her mind evidently
wandering, too, into never-ending thought. It was to me a spirit,
somehow, chained and fettered to a body it could not throw off, which
lay in irksome confinement on that bed,—a spirit ever active,
sleepless, evil. Why was I sitting up with her? she was not even ill.
Was it that she had died that day, and some wicked spirit had taken
possession of the exhausted frame? I declare that this idea returned to
me in spite of myself. I could not escape from it; as the night crept on
strange fears came over me. Her eyes fascinated mine. I could not
withdraw my gaze from those two gleams of strange light within the
crimson curtains, moving about from minute to minute with their restless
observation. What was she thinking of? Could she tell that, under this
roof, the roof of his fathers, her injured son was sleeping? Was she
thinking of her youth, her life, the past, with all its dread,
pertinacious, stubborn cruelty? I did not know then how the
extraordinary story told by Luigi could be harmonised into possibility.
I could not think of any story; I could think of nothing but that
solitary woman pursuing those sleepless thoughts, which nobody shared,
through all the dread recesses of her conscience, through all the
scenes, visible to her only, of her hidden mysterious life.
It must have been about midnight when some one knocked softly at the
door. It made me start painfully with a terror I could not subdue. I
rose to see who it was, trembling at the summons. It was Carson, who
called me anxiously into the drawing room. She did not say anything, but
drew me to a little medicine-chest, which she opened, and from which,
all silently, with the speed of long custom, she took a little bottle,
and dropped some of its contents into a glass of water. “You must put
this by her bedside,” whispered Carson, “and here are all her medicines;
but don’t drop them yourself, for the love of pity!—you’ve no
experience. You might give her her death. When my missis wants her
draughts, will you call me?” While I promised to do so, Aunt Milly woke
up from a short sleep. “Has anything happened, Milly?” she cried,
starting up suddenly. Nothing had happened but that her start had thrown
down a footstool, and made a noise which sounded dreadful in the calm of
the night. The three of us dispersed hastily upon that sound. Carson
disappeared out of the room. Aunt Milly sat up trembling on the sofa. I
went back to the patient. The noise had roused her. She had struggled up
in bed, and was trying to look round to the dressing-room door.
“Who is it?” she cried, when I went in, her eyes fixing on me with
something of the dreadful expression they had in the drawing-room, as if
she had lost control over them, and the orbs turned wildly out and
fluttered to the light. “If it’s him, let him come here.”
“It was only Carson,” I said.
“Carson? let her not come near me. I will do her an injury,” cried Miss
Mortimer with wild exasperation. Then she suffered herself to fall back
on her pillows. “They’re all in a plot,” she went on, “all in a plot,
the very woman I trusted; I shall never trust anybody any more. But
here’s the wonderful thing; she is just as great a coward as she is a
fool; and to think she should hate me so much as to be able to go up and
down these passages in the middle of the night with a dead man! Hark,
there they are!”
I fell back from the bedside at the words, unable to refrain from a
shudder of horror.
“You’re afraid,” said Miss Mortimer, looking at me with a kind of
contemptuous curiosity. “Yet you saw him come in yesterday and you did
not faint. I remember seeing you stare and stare. Ah! it’s strange to
see a dead man!”
“I saw nobody but Luigi; nobody but your son,” cried I, in dismay.
When it was said I drew back in alarm, lest the words should rouse her
into passion. But they did not. She was beyond that.
“I could not see him, though,” she continued, going on in her dreadful
monologue; “it was only a kind of feeling he was there, and the scent of
the syringas in the garden. You know it’s very overpowering; those they
call the Virgin’s Breast. It was that made me faint.”
Here she fixed her eyes on me again, as if she imagined that she had
been setting up a plausible plea and dared me to contradict it.
“I wonder if he’s as handsome now he’s dead,” she went on in a very low
tone; “he was never as handsome for a man as I was for a woman. I’ll
never, never speak to Carson again; but you might ask her if he’s kept
his looks. Ah! I thought I saw some one behind the curtains there; but
he’ll never appear to me. For he swore, you know, he swore, he was never
to give me any trouble, and he kept his word till he died.”
“Oh, Miss Mortimer,”—I cried, coming forward to the bed with the glass
in my hand. She held out hers eagerly, and interrupted me.
“Miss Mortimer! to be sure I am Miss Mortimer; I have always been Miss
Mortimer, you know that; then what’s all this made up story about a son?
For, you know,” she said, sinking her voice again into a whisper, and
holding the glass in her hand, “to be called countess would have been a
temptation to many a woman. But I never would have it, not for a day,
never after he refused to take our name. That’s what a man calls love,
you know. You shall take his name if it’s a beggar’s, and he will not
take yours if it brings a kingdom. But I was not the sort of woman to be
a beggarly Italian countess. And I’ve beaten him in his grave,” she
cried out in ghastly triumph,—“in his grave I’ve got the victory over
him! Here’s the child on his knees to me to call him Lewis Mortimer. Ah!
you’re Richard Mortimer’s daughter. I might have married Richard if I
had known how things were going to turn out. We’ll set it all right
to-morrow. Yes; stand by me, and we’ll set it all right. There’s no dead
man shall conquer me. Do you hear? There he is pacing about the passage
as he used to do when I refused to see him. But he dared not come in;
no, not if I had been a thousand times his wife.”
And I cannot help it if people may think me a fool; there were steps
outside in the passage. If it was a living creature I cannot tell; but,
as certain as I live, there were footsteps going up and down, up and
down, with a heavy, melancholy tread. She looked at me full in the face
as we heard them going on. She began to tremble so that the bed shook
under her; her eyes grew wilder, her colour more ghastly. In spite of
all she said, she was stricken to her very heart with fear.
And as for me, I did not feel I had courage to open the door. I called
out, “Whoever you are, go away, I beseech,—go away! She cannot rest
while you are here.” The steps stopped in a moment, then, after a pause,
went on and went away, growing fainter in the distance. Thank heaven it
must have been somebody living! perhaps Carson, perhaps her son.
When I came back to the bedside she had dropped asleep—actually, in the
midst of her terror, had fallen into an unnatural slumber. It was an
opiate that Carson had given her. The little medicine-chest was full of
different kinds of opiates. Scarcely one of them that was not marked
poison. I looked into the dressing-room for a minute to comfort poor
Aunt Milly, who had heard all her sister said, and was in a dreadful
state of agitation. She kissed me and blessed me, and leaned her dear
kind head upon my shoulder for the moment I dared stay beside her. “She
would never have said so much to me,” said Aunt Milly, and wrapped her
own shawl round me, and tried to make me take some wine which she had
brought upstairs. When I would not take that, lest it should make me
sleepy, Aunt Milly got up from the sofa to make some tea for me.
Everybody knows such nights—everybody knows how some one always tries
to comfort the watcher with such attentions—tender, useless,
heartbreaking attempts at outside consolation. I went back to the sick
room with a pang both of relief and anguish. If it had been my husband
or my baby that I was watching! Thank God it was not so! but the picture
came before me with a terrible force just then, when I did not know
where Harry was, nor how he might be lying, nor who might be watching
over him. I tried to shut out my own thoughts from this room; but who
could ever do that? I fancied I could see white soldiers’ huts rising in
the darkness, and groans of wounded men. It was a relief to me when my
patient groaned and turned in her bed. But she did not wake; She lay all
night long in what seemed more like a stupor than a sleep, interrupted
by groans and stifled outcries, and long sighs that broke one’s heart.
No wonder we had heard of her bad nights.
In the morning, when she woke at last, Miss Mortimer turned round upon
me with a half-stupified, wondering stare. Then she recollected herself.
She did not speak, but I saw all the thoughts of the previous night come
slowly back to her face. She watched me arranging the room in the
cheerful morning light; she even permitted me to raise her among her
pillows, and swallowed, though with an effort, the tea I brought her.
She bore no malice against me for anything I had said. She seemed even
pleased to have me beside her; but it was not for my sake; I believe she
thought I was doing it for an interested reason. And she—she thought
she had found an accomplice in me.
This morning she spoke with difficulty, and her looks were changed. She
looked ill, very ill. The morning light showed a strange widening and
breadth about her eyes, a solemn fixed expression in her face, which,
though I had never watched it coming before, went to my heart with an
instinctive chill and recognition. She could not bear me to be out of
her sight for a moment. When I went to the dressing-room door to speak a
word to Aunt Milly she called me back with an impatient, stifled cry. At
last she beckoned me close to her bedside.
“I want—I want—send—let him come,” she stammered out.
“Luigi?” I said.
She clasped her hands together in an access of passion. “To make my
will,” she cried, with a kind of scream; “now—now—this moment.” When
she had uttered the words she fell back panting, a flush of weakness and
fever coming to her face. I went and told Aunt Milly, who, all troubled
as she was, sent off a messenger immediately for Mr. Cresswell. “I will
send for the doctor, too, and—and the clergyman; but what can Dr.
Roberts do for her?” cried poor Aunt Milly, wringing her hands. The
clergyman! What, indeed, could that sleek, comfortable man do at this
deathbed of guilt and passion? Ah me! A poor priest might have done
something, perhaps, or a poor preacher accustomed to matters of life and
death.
The day glided on while we waited. She would not let me leave her; but
she did not say anything, except disjointed murmurs, and strange broken
conversations with herself. It was not the present time that her mind
was busy with. Listening in the silence of that room I became aware of a
passionate prime of life, an Italian summer, a bitter mortification,
disappointment, revenge—revenge which had come back upon the
remorseless inflictor, and made her life the desert it had been. It all
opened up before me in breaks and glimpses; afterwards, when I knew the
story, it was with the force of an actual representation that I
remembered this broken, unconscious autobiography. She was not raving;
she was only calling up and setting in order the incidents of that
crisis of her life, I cannot follow her through it now; but I remember
that the awe, and interest, and excitement kept me from feeling any
weariness.
I could not turn away for any sort of refreshment; I sat fascinated
before that revelation of the secret of her days. She seemed to have
foresworn husband and child, life itself and all that made it bearable,
in dreadful vengeance for some broken promise or unfulfilled vow. Her
father came flitting across the troubled picture; the count, and some
dreadful controversy about a name, all intermixed with recollections of
certain rooms and their furniture; of a garden and a thicket of
syringas. What that point of deception or disappointment was, on which
the whole story turned, I could not tell; but for this she had left the
stream of life when life was at its fullest promise; for this she had
settled down in a frightful, stubborn determination, behind that screen
in the drawing-room of the Park. All her after existence, huddled up
into one long monotonous day, had not made these scenes less fresh in
her memory. This was now she had revenged herself—on the Count, who was
dead—on her son, whom she disowned and cast away from her; ah! above
all, a thousand times more bitterly, on herself.
It was afternoon when Mr. Cresswell came. He was brought up to the room
immediately, without a word of explanation, and accordingly knew nothing
of all the dreadful history of the last twenty-four hours. He had not
even a hint that anything was changed, except the health of Miss
Mortimer. He came and expressed his concern in the common-place tone of
an unexcited stranger; he expressed his surprise to see me with her. In
his heart he set it down that this will was of my suggesting. I am
certain he did; and smiled to find me the nurse of the sick woman. But
Miss Mortimer (that I should still go on calling her by that name after
all I had heard!) left him very little time. She recovered herself
wonderfully at sight of him; her very utterance became easier in the
anxiety she showed to express herself plainly. She was impatient of his
inquiries and condolences. She moved her hands uneasily about the bed,
and for a moment her eyes fluttered as they had done the day before; but
as soon as he had prepared his papers, and taken his pen in hand, she
was composed again. My heart beat so loud with anxiety to hear what she
said, that I could scarcely breathe. Was she now at last to set right
the injustice of a life?
“Write,” she cried, with a gasp for breath, “that I leave
everything—mind, it is everything, Bob Cresswell, no partitions. My
sister Milly, though she is a fool, is as fond of her, ah! as—as I
am—all the Park and the lands belonging to it, to Millicent Mortimer.
There! the young soldier’s wife; and to—eh! who is it? Who speaks to
me?”
I grasped her hand hard in my sudden passion. It was cold, cold, a dead
hand, and horrified me with its touch. “Stop,” I cried, “oh, stop, Mr.
Cresswell; she cannot mean such horrible injustice! Miss Mortimer!
Countess! whatever you are! will you dare to die and never repent? Do
you think I will let you bring a curse on my innocent baby? Stop! Stop!
I forbid it, for her soul’s sake!”
Mr. Cresswell pushed back his chair and stared in amazement too great
for words. She looked at me with a strange air of cunning and superior
wisdom, and then at him.
“She thinks,” said the dying woman, in a kind of whisper, addressing Mr.
Cresswell, “to draw me into some foolish talk, and bring it up against
the will. Fool! they are all fools; go on.”
“What does it mean?” he said looking at me.
“It means that she ought to do justice,” I cried; “that it is all she
can do now; that she is going to die without repenting, without making
amends. If you write it, it will be a sin.”
“Bob Cresswell, go on; it is I who am the person to be attended to,”
said Miss Mortimer. “This creature, do you hear, is a fool. I know what
I mean.”
“There is something here I don’t understand; my dear lady, you’re not so
very ill, suppose we put it off,” said the lawyer in great perplexity;
“and there’s Miss Milly, you know, she has her share in the Park.”
“Attend to me!” cried Miss Mortimer, wildly. “You will kill me; am I
to be thwarted now, as well as all my life? Oh, good heavens! in my
own house, and in bed, and perhaps going to die—and I am not to have my
will, my will! I shall have my will, if I should write it myself!”
She stretched out her eager hand towards the writing things, stretching
out of bed, and by some chance touched Mr. Cresswell. When he felt that
deathly touch he grew very grave, and started with a shudder. He took up
his pen immediately.
“I will do what you please,” he said. He could not resist that cry of
death.
I RAN downstairs in desperation. I could not be content to let that
dreadful mockery go on. It was vain, for we never, never, would have
taken another man’s rights; but for herself, the miserable, guilty
woman, to hinder her by any means, to save her from putting that seal
upon all her cruelty and falsehood. I saw nobody as I flew down the
stairs, though afterwards I was conscious that Lizzie had been standing
there with my beautiful innocent boy. Do you think I would consent for a
kingdom to bring the curse of wrongful wealth upon little Harry? Not if
starvation and misery had been the only other choice!
I burst into the library, where I knew Aunt Milly was. Pale with
watching and anxiety, she was sitting propped up in an easy-chair, with
Sara Cresswell and Luigi beside her. I believe they had been telling her
their story, and she, straining her ear for every sound, had been trying
to listen to them. When I came in she started up from her chair and came
to meet me, unconsciously putting them away. “What is it, Milly?” she
cried, putting out her arms to me. I dared not permit myself to rest or
even lean upon her. I seized her hand and drew her to the door.
“Come up, and interfere,” I cried; “she is making her dreadful will. She
is leaving everything to me. Come, before she has put the seal to all
this misery. Aunt Milly, can you stand aside and let this be done?”
“My dear,” said Aunt Milly, with a burst of tears, kissing me and
looking in my face, “you know I love you, Milly; you know you are almost
dearer to me now than any creature on earth.”
I could not thank her; I had no time. I did not feel grateful or
pleased, but only impatient. “Come; come!” I repeated almost with
violence. I could not understand how she could delay.
“Let her do what she will,” cried Aunt Milly. “If I go and argue with
her, it will only make her worse. Oh, child! we can’t cross her now;
don’t you see we can’t cross her now? But I took a vow, as sure as God
saw us, I would do justice,” said Aunt Milly, solemnly through her
tears. “She can but do what she can. We are co-heiresses! she has no
power but over her own share.”
“Share!” I cried, “is it shares we have to think of? She is dying, and
she does not repent.”
I could not wait there any longer; they all followed upstairs, Aunt
Milly holding my hand. They all came into the dressing-room, where we
could faintly hear Miss Mortimer’s voice, and where Carson stood
trembling at the door. At this moment there was no order or rule in the
stricken house. Then Aunt Milly went with me into the sick room. Mr.
Cresswell was writing, and Miss Mortimer had stopped speaking. She
turned her eyes triumphantly upon us both.
“I have carried out your wishes, Milly. I have left everything to your
favourite,” she said, with pauses to got her breath. “You may sign it
after me, and then it will be complete.”
“Sarah, that boy, that boy!” cried Aunt Milly. “Oh, put out your hand to
him just once—think, before it is finished, what claims he has. Give
him something. Sarah! Sarah! you would not take me into your confidence;
but I’ll go down on my knees to you if you’ll do justice to that boy!”
“I am going to die,” said Miss Mortimer, after a pause. “I can see it in
all your faces. I can’t be much worse off than I’ve been here. But look
you, Milly, if you come and drive me into passion; if that wretched boy
so much as comes near me, I’ll die directly, and you’ll be my murderers.
His father made the choice—and I will not change, no, not if he came
again, as he did yesterday, with the dead man. Cresswell, I’m growing a
little faint. Is it ready to sign?”
He brought it and laid it before her on the bed; and she called to me to
raise her up. I was desperate. I would rather have been content to be
her murderer, as she said, than to let her do that sin.
“You are not Sarah Mortimer,” said I, as with great difficulty she wrote
her signature. “It is a false name, and you know it is. Write your own
name, Countess Sermoneta, and let everybody know that you have
disinherited your son.”
She stared round at me, setting her teeth, then returned to the paper,
and with a desperate resolution completed it. I stood perfectly aghast
as I saw that dead hand trace those words, which to me cut her off for
ever from every hope:—“By marriage, Sermoneta.” God help us! was there
now no place of repentance?
“And now,” she said, falling back on her pillows, “send me Carson—I
want no more—no more from anybody; send me my maid. I’ll forgive her
though she deserted me;—nobody,” sobbed the poor voice, all at once
breaking and growing feeble,—“nobody knows me but Carson. I want my
maid; Carson, here!”
She had scarcely spoken, when Carson was by her side kneeling down at
the bed, kissing the cold hand held out to her with such tears and eager
affection as I never saw a servant show to a mistress. It was a
reconciliation of love. The tears came into Miss Mortimer’s eyes. She
gave her hand to her maid’s caresses with actual affection. It was the
strangest conclusion to that dismal scene. One after another we three
went out of the room confounded. Aunt Milly weeping tears, the
bitterness of which I could not enter into. Mr. Cresswell, with a face
of utter wonder, and myself, too much shocked and shaken to be able for
anything. I could not go downstairs with them. I took refuge in the room
that had been fitted up as a nursery for my baby. I got my boy into my
arms and cried over him. It was too much; when he put his innocent arms
round my neck and laid his cheek to mine to console me, my happiness
struck me as with a pang. Oh, the unutterable things she had lost, that
poor, miserable woman! I got up again to rush back to her with my baby,
and see if that would not touch her heart, but stumbled in weariness and
weakness, and fell on my knees on the floor. That was all that was to be
done. I acknowledged it with that dreadful sense of impotence that one
has, when hearts and souls have to be dealt with. On my knees I might
help that desolate, lonely creature,—nowhere else, in no other manner.
And even this not now. I was worn out with excitement and distress. I
was ashamed to think, or permit myself to say, that one night’s watching
had done it. I had to put little Harry back into Lizzie’s hands and lie
down in the waning daylight. My head throbbed, and my heart beat, so
that I could not even recollect my thoughts. And all that had happened
seemed to have no impression but one upon me. I never thought of that
group downstairs going over the wonderful story which nobody had so much
as guessed at. I thought only of that hopeless woman, in her shut-up
room, slowly floating out of existence, dying hour by hour, and minute
by minute, unchanged and unsubdued. What was death that it should
change her, whom love and pity, and the long-suffering of God had not
changed? But I thought to myself I could never more blame those who
preach out of season as well as in season, and cannot be silent. There
were moments in which I could not endure myself—in which I felt as if I
must go and make another appeal to her—even at the risk of thrusting
myself into the room, and disturbing the quiet of her last hours.