By ROSA NOUCHETTE CAREY, Author of “Aunt Diana,” “For Lilias,” etc.
ROLF’S PENITENCE.
rom a child, that story
of Casabianca had
fascinated me, and I
could see it fascinated
Rolf.
“How I do like
that fellow Cassy——what
do you call
him?” he exclaimed,
enthusiastically,
when I had finished.
“I call that plucky,
and no mistake, to
stick to the burning ship.
What a brave man he
would have made if he
had lived!”
“Yes, indeed; but he
lived long enough to do a man’s work in
the world—faithful until death. ‘Faithful
in little, faithful in much,’ Rolf. Casabianca
would never have disobeyed his
mother, or thought he knew best, would
he?”
“No, Fenny,” in a contrite voice,
and sidling up to me again.
“I am afraid you can never be a
soldier, dear!”
“What do you mean?”—sitting up
erect in bed, with his beautiful eyes
quite glaring at me in the twilight. “I
mean to be a soldier, I tell you, and use
father’s sword! I shall be Colonel
Markham, too, one of these days, unless
I am killed in battle.”
“You cannot be a soldier unless you
learn to obey, Rolf; you cannot rule
your men until you have submitted to
rule yourself. Officers are gentlemen,
and gentlemen are never cowards; and
I call it cowardly, Rolf—quite a mean
trick—to creep into the nursery in my
absence. Honour should have kept you
from crossing the threshold.”
Now Rolf could not endure to be
called a coward, so he lost his temper,
and, I am sorry to say, called me a
nasty, spiteful old cat, “which you are
Fenny, you know you are, and a great
deal worse!” And the next moment he
had thrown a rough pair of arms round
my neck, his penitence inflicting on me
excruciating pain.
“There, there, never mind”—hugging
me—“I don’t mean it. You are a dear
old thing, Fenny, and I mean to marry
you when I grow up. You are such a
plain young woman, as mother says,
that no one else would ask you, so I
will.”
“Do you think I could marry a
coward, Rolf?”
“There you go again”—in a vexed
voice—“but I shall never be a coward
any more; I mean to be a brave boy,
like Cassy—what do you call him? I
mean to mind mother, and not forget;
and I will throw my cannon into the sea
to-morrow, though I am so fond of it,
and Mr. Rossiter (Walter I call him,
but he does not mind) gave it to me. It
cost a lot—indeed, it did, Fenny—but,
all the same, it shall be drownded
dead.”
“If thine eye offend thee, pluck it
out.” I think there was something very
real in that childish sacrifice. It was
his treasured plaything, but it had
tempted him to disobedience; he would
fling it away with both hands. How
few of us repent in that way! Mea
culpa, we say, but we hug our darling
sin close to us; it is not, like Rolf’s
cannon, “drownded dead.” Brave, poor
little faulty Rolf, I begin to have better
hopes of you!
So I kissed and comforted Rolf, and
he clung to me quite affectionately. I
asked him if he had said his prayers,
and he said no, he had been too unhappy,
because no one would forgive
him; so we said them together, and
afterwards we had a little more talk. I
was just going to leave him when a
light crossed the threshold, and there
stood Mrs. Markham, with a lamp in
her hand. She looked very ill and unhappy,
and I am sure she had been
shedding tears.
Rolf sprang up in bed. “Oh, mother,
do forgive me!” he cried. “I am sure
I have been miserable long enough.
Fenny has been telling me about Cassy—you
know the fellow; and I mean to
be like him. I will drown my dear little
cannon, and I will never, never, never
disobey you again!”
I think Mrs. Markham was longing
in her heart to forgive him. She had
suffered as much as the child. She said
nothing, but sat down on the bed and
held out her arms, and Rolf nestled into
them. She kissed him almost passionately,
but a tear rolled down her face.
“I think you will break my heart one
day, Rolf, as your——” She checked
herself, and did not finish her sentence.
Did she mean Rolf’s father? Colonel
Markham had been a brave officer, I
knew, and had died in battle; but he
had not made his wife happy.
“Oh no, mother,” returned Rolf, “I
am going to be a brave man, like father,
and fight for everybody. I mean to take
care of you when you are an old, old
woman. Won’t that be nice? You won’t
mind my marrying Fenny when I am
quite grown up, will you, mother?
Because she is such an old dear—not
really old, you know, but so nice.”
Mrs. Markham smiled faintly at the
boy’s nonsense, but she looked at me
very pleasantly.
“Thank you for talking to Rolf, Miss
Fenton, and helping him to be good.
He is sorry, I think, and I hope this
painful lesson will teach him to be less
mischievous. But now you look very
unfit to be up. You have done us all
good service to-day, and we are all
extremely grateful. Let me help you
back to your room.”
I was very much astonished at this
civility, but I declined her assistance
and wished Rolf good-night. I was
still more surprised when she held out
her hand.
“You must be careful of yourself,
Miss Fenton, for my sister’s sake,” she
said, so kindly that I could hardly
believe it was Mrs. Markham’s voice.
I marvelled at her manner greatly as
I retraced my steps to the night nursery.
She was really grateful to me, I could
see that. Probably she realised that
my prompt action had saved her and
her boy a lifetime of regret. To extinguish
life accidentally must be a bitter
and sore retrospect to any human mind.
Rolf’s boyhood would have been
shadowed if his little cousin’s death
had laid at his door.
I tried to cheer myself with these
thoughts as I laid awake through
the greater part of that long summer’s
night. I could only sleep by snatches,
and my dreams were full of pain. I
imagined myself a martyr at Smithfield,
and that the faggots were lighted about
my feet. I could see the flames curling
up round me, and feel their scorching
breath on my face. Excruciating pain
seemed to tingle in my veins; I cried
out and woke Joyce, and then the misery
of my burns kept me restless. I was
quite ill the next day, and could not stir
from my bed; but Mrs. Markham and
Rolf came to see me more than once,
and Reggie played on my bed, and was
so dear and good, and Joyce kept creeping
up to me to know what she could do
for nurse, and every two or three hours
Gay’s bright face seemed to bring sunshine
into the room.
She had always some pleasant thing
to tell me: a kind inquiry from Mr.
Hawtry, and some flowers and fruit
that Mrs. Cornish had arranged; a book
from the vicar’s wife, who had been very
shocked to hear of the accident, and
thought I wanted amusement; a message
from Squire Cheriton, with a basket of
fine yellow plums that he had picked
himself; and, later in the evening, a tin
of cream and some new-laid eggs from
Wheeler’s Farm, that Molly had brought
herself.
I begged to see Molly, and she came
up at once, looking very respectable in
her Sunday gown and straw bonnet
crossed with yellow ribbons. She shook
hands heartily until I winced with pain,
and then begged my pardon for her
carelessness.
“Thank you so much for your delicious
presents, Molly,” I said, gratefully.
“Oh, please don’t mention it, Miss
Fenton; it is pleasure to me and father
to send it, and father’s duty; and there
is a chicken fattening that will be all
ready for eating on Thursday; and there
is a pot or two of cherry jam that I shall
take the liberty to send with it. It is
just for the children and yourself, as I
shall tell Mrs. Murdle.”
“Everyone is far too good to me,” I
stammered, and the tears came into my
eyes, for the old Squire and Gay had
been so kind, and there was all those
beautiful flowers and fruit from the Red
Farm, and now this good creature was
overwhelming me with homely delicacies.
Molly patted me with her rough hand as
though I had been a child, and then
kissed me in her hearty way.
“There, there, poor dear, who could
help being good to you, seeing you lie
there as helpless as a baby, with your
poor arms all done up in cotton wool,
and the pain hard to bear? Never mind,
the Lord will help you to bear it, and He
knows what pain means.” And with
this homely consolation Molly left me
and went in search of Hannah.
When Gay came to me to see I was
all comfortable for the night, I asked
her rather anxiously if she expected to
hear from Mrs. Morton in the morning.
She looked as though she were sorry I
had asked the question. “Well, no—the
fact is, I wrote the letter, Merle,
but father forgot to post it, and it has
not gone yet. I am very sorry,” as I
uttered an exclamation of annoyance,
“but it cannot be helped, and it was all
father’s fault; he is so careless with
letters; but now Adelaide has written
to say how well Reggie seems to-day,
and both of them shall go by the same
post to-morrow morning. Benson shall
take them.”
It was no use saying any more. Gay
was sorry enough, and it was not her
fault, so I only asked her to add a word
or two to explain the delay, and this she
promised to do. She wanted to write to
Aunt Agatha as well, but I would not
hear of this. Aunt Agatha was very
tender-hearted, and could not bear to
hear of any suffering that she could not
remedy, and I could see no benefit in
harrowing her feelings. I would tell her
myself one day.
Dr. Staples had given me a sedative,
so I slept more that night, but it was
three days before I could leave my bed,
and all that time we heard nothing of my
mistress. On the fourth day I put on a
dressing-gown Gay lent me, with loose
hanging sleeves, for my arms were still
swathed like mummies, but the pain had
lessened; and though I was weak enough
only to lean back in an easy chair and
watch the children at their play, I liked
to be with them, and it was pleasant to
sit by the nursery window and look
out on the terrace and sundial and the
sunny orchard with the old white pony
grazing as usual.
Gay had come up that morning with
rather a troubled face. They had had a
letter from Alick, she said, but he had
not received either hers or Adelaide’s.
Violet had seemed so ill that he had
taken her home to Prince’s Gate that
Dr. Myrtle might see her. They had
left Abergeldie before their letters had
arrived, and he could not possibly
receive them until the next morning, but
of course they would be forwarded at
once.
I was much distressed to hear that
the letters had miscarried, and still
more that my mistress was ill. It was
dreary taking her back to that great
empty house; but then Dr. Myrtle
understood her constitution, and would
do her more good than a stranger. I
begged Gay to tell me what was the
matter, but she did not seem to know.
It was a collapse, Alick had said, a
sudden serious failure of strength; he
had written very hurriedly, and seemed
worried and anxious.
“I wish I need not have told you all
this, Merle,” she finished. “It has made
you paler than you were before. Violet
has never been strong since Joyce was
born, but I do not see that there is any
need for special anxiety.” But though
Gay insisted on taking a cheerful view of
things, I could not bring my spirits to
her level. I felt nervous and unaccountably
depressed. I had not sufficiently
recovered from the effects of the accident
to bear the least suspense with equanimity.
In spite of my efforts to be
quiet and self-controlled, I grew restless
and irritable; the least noise jarred on
me; it was a relief when Hannah took
the children out and I had the nursery to
myself. My nervous fancies haunted
my dreams that night, and I woke so
unrefreshed that Gay scolded me for
not getting better more quickly, and
pretended to laugh at my dismal face
when I heard there was no letter from
Mr. Morton.
“It is nonsense your fretting about
those letters, Merle,” she said, in her
brisk way. “Alick has them by this
time, and we shall hear from him before
evening. Do, pray, pull yourself together,
and I will ask Dr. Staples if a
drive will not do you good; your indoor
life does not suit you.”
I did not contradict her, but I knew
there would be no drive for me that day;
perfect quiet and rest were all I wanted,
and I knew Dr. Staples would be of my
opinion. The afternoon was showery,
so the children played about the nursery.
I did not admit Rolf, for his noisy ways
would have been too much for me, but
he was very good, and promised to stay
with Judson if he might come to me a
little in the evening.
I had gone into the night nursery to
lie down for an hour when I heard footsteps
coming down the passage. The
next moment I heard Mr. Morton’s
voice speaking to Gay.
“You can go in and see the children,
Alick,” she said, “and I will join you
directly, when Adelaide has finished
with me;” and then Joyce called out
“Fardie,” and I could hear Reggie
stumping across the floor.
I waited a few minutes before I made
my appearance. Much as I longed to
see Mr. Morton, I thought he would
rather meet his children alone. I almost
felt as though I intruded when I
opened the door. Hannah was not
there, and he was sitting in my rocking-chair
with Reggie in his arms, and his
head was bowed down on the little
fellow’s shoulder. He started up when
he heard me, but I never saw him look
so pale and agitated. I knew then that
he was a man of strong feelings, that
his children were more to him than I had
dreamed.
“Miss Fenton,” he began, and then
he bit his lips and turned away to the
window. I saw he could hardly speak,
and there was Reggie patting his face
and calling “Fada, fada,” to make
him smile.
“Reggie is quite well,” I said, feeling
the silence awkward.
“Yes, yes,” quite abruptly, “I see he
is; thank God for that mercy; but,
Miss Fenton, you have suffered in his
stead. You are looking ill, unlike yourself.
What am I to say to you? How am
I to thank you?”
“Please do not say anything to me,”
I returned, on the verge of crying.
“Dear little Reggie is all right, and
I am only too thankful. Tell me about
my mistress, Mr. Morton; we are all so
anxious about her.”
I thought he looked a little strangely
at me. He held out his hand without
speaking. That hearty grasp spoke
volumes. Then he cleared his throat and
said, quickly, “She does not know; I
have not told her; she is very weak and
ill. Dr. Myrtle says we must take
great care of her; she has been over-exerting
herself.”
To my dismay and his I burst into
tears, but I was not quite myself, liable
to be upset by a word.
“Oh, she is always over-exerting herself;
she does more every day than her
strength will allow,” I cried, almost
hysterically. “It makes one’s heart
ache to see her so worn out and yet so
patient. Oh, Mr. Morton, do let me
come home and nurse her; she is never
happy without the children; it will do
her good to see them; she frets after
them too, and it makes her ill. Do let
me come home; there is nothing I would
not do for her.”
I heard him beg me to be calm. I
was ill myself, I heard him say, and no
wonder, and he looked pityingly at my
bandages.
“I only wish you could come back to
us, Miss Fenton,” he went on, so kindly
that I was ashamed of giving way so.
“The home feels very empty, and I
think it would do my dear wife good to
have the children’s feet pattering overhead.
She is too weak to have them
with her just now, but it would be pleasant
to know they were near.”
I pleaded again that we might come
home, and he smiled indulgently.
“You must get well first,” he said,
gently, “and then I will come and fetch
you all back myself. Just now you
require nursing, and are better where
you are; and it is still hot in London,
and the sea breezes will benefit the
children a little longer. Come, you will
be sensible about this, Miss Fenton.”
And then, as Gay joined us, he turned
to her and reiterated his opinion that I
must stay at Marshlands until I was well.
Of course, Gay agreed with him; but
I thought she was a little graver than
usual. I knew Mr. Morton was right.
I was no use to anyone just now; but,
all the same, it made me feel very unhappy
to see him go away and leave us
behind. He could not stay any longer,
he said, for fear of arousing his wife’s
suspicions. He should just tell her he
had run down to have a peep at the
children; that would please her, he
knew. He bade me good-bye very
kindly, and told me to keep up my
courage, and not lose heart. I could
see he was not vexed with me for giving
way. No doubt he attributed it all to
weakness.
I sat down and had a good cry when
he had left us, and there was no denying
that I was homesick that night, and
wanted Aunt Agatha. I felt a poor
creature in my own estimation. Perhaps
I was impatient; Dr. Staples told me I
was, and his eyes twinkled as he said it;
but it seemed to me I recovered very
slowly. The burns were healing nicely;
in a few more days I could put on my
dress and enjoy the country drives; but
I did not resume my usual duties for
some time.
I could not dress and undress the
children; walking tired me, and my
spirits were sadly variable. The news
from Prince’s Gate did not cheer me:
my mistress continued in the same unsatisfactory
state. Mr. Morton wrote
every day, and both Mrs. Markham and
Gay had gone up to town for a few
hours. I heard more from Mrs. Markham
than from Gay. She thought her
sister looking very ill, and considered
there was grave cause for anxiety. She
had an excellent nurse, and her husband
was most devoted in his attentions; she
had never seen anyone to equal him.
Here Mrs. Markham sighed; but her
sister looked dull and depressed, and
she thought she missed the children.
The bright September days passed
away very slowly. I was growing weary
of my banishment; and yet Marshlands
and Netherton had become very dear to
me, and I had grown to love the quaint
old nursery. I was thankful when my
strength permitted me to resume our
mornings on the beach and our afternoons
in the orchard. I felt less restless
out of doors, and I liked to have Rolf
with me. I saw very little of Gay; just
then she was busy with parish work. I
heard from her casually one day that
Mr. Hawtry had gone to Italy. I suppose
I looked astonished, for she said,
quickly—
“He called the other afternoon and
asked to see the children, but Adelaide
had taken you all for a drive. I thought
he seemed a little sorry not to say good-bye
to them, as he expected to be away
some time. He hoped you were better,
Merle, and desired his kind regards.”
“And he has gone to Italy?”
“Yes; a young cousin of his is lying
dangerously ill at Venice, and so this
Don Quixote has started off to see after
him. It is just like him, he is always
doing things for other people.” And with
this speech she left me.
I was sorry not to say good-bye to
Mr. Hawtry; he had been very kind to
us, and it seemed such a pity that we
had missed him that afternoon. I often
thought about our visit to the Red Farm,
and how pleasant and hospitable he had
been. It seemed rather tantalising just
to make friends (and he had always
been so friendly to me) and then not to
see them again, but perhaps next summer
we should come down to Marshlands
again.
(To be continued.)