The English Rogue: Continued in the Life of Meriton Latroon and Other Extravagants.: Part III

The Boy learns, and practises Vaulting and tumbling, the maid servant attempting to do the like, is intangled, caught in the manner, and laughed at: she puts a trick upon a Puritanical Church-Warden, and makes the boy by another trick, to lye in bed, and lose his dinner; he is revenged on her by a Gunpowder plot.

Mrs. Dorothy putting a stop to her discourse, gave us conveniency and leisure to express our satisfaction by our laughter, in which we continued for some space, and then rehearsing and commenting on what she had told us, we again renewed our laughter, she joyning with us in the same exercise, when we had put a stop to our mirth, she thus continued.

Truly, Friends, I did think I might a little divert you by my relation; but I see you are pleased much better than I expected, and if you are 98so well contented with this which is but a taste of what I can tell you, I am sure the rest would be much more delightful; but being desirous to put an end to my discourse, by relating to you such matters as only concern my self, till my arrival here, I therefore beg your excuse. Nay, replyed I, and Mistress Mary, you must not refuse us the request we both make you, of proceeding in these pleasing Adventures of your houshold; and, continued I, it is enough to know and find you are here with us, we are satisfied in that, and hope you will give us the other satisfaction we desire; and I pray be as full and free in your recital as you can, for we cannot think any thing to be tedious that is so pleasant; she hearing my desires, after few excuses, agreed thereto; and thereupon she thus reassumed the discourse.

The poor under Hostler being thus descended from his place of Torment, was almost in as pitiful a plight as one taken down from the Gibbet half hanged to be quartered; he had as little motion or sense; for he was almost suffocated with the smoak that ascended and flew up his nose, and down his throat; and as Malefactors do (as they say) piss for fear, or some other cause, so had he done; and not only so, but we could perceive somewhat else, of a yellowish colour, that had soaked through his breeches, run down his stockings, so that few would touch him; but at length, the Hostler, his superiour, considering his condition and former good service, took him up, and carried him to his bed adjoyning to the Stable; where, with the assistance of Aqua vitæ, he was soon brought to his former senses. Our young Rogue in the mean time lying in the Hay-loft over him, laughing at the roguery he had done, and the groans he heard the poor fellow 99fetch, were as so many instruments of musick to raise his laughter to the higher pitch.

This Rogue, who wanted nothing so much as Roping, or a good Cat of nine tailes, now escap’d with out either; there being no body in the whole house that had any mind to meddle with him; he was threatned by some, whilst others only laughed at him, and he went merrily about his business: and to conclude, much company coming that day to the house, and the particulars of the Adventure being told them, they sent for the boy and Hostler; and after several questions, and much laughter, they made them drink to one another, and become Friends.

The boy being thus freed from punishment, set his wits at work, how he might employ his time to the best advantage, and be getting of money as well as the rest of the Family did; and soon after there being a fair at our Town, among other fooleries that attended it, there were a parcel of Rope-Dancers, and Tumblers; our boy was Master of so much money, as to see them two or three times; and having very much affection to that quality, he purchased acquaintance with such another Crack Rope as himself, who was a very nimble and active youth at the Art of Vaulting; him he invites to our house, and treating him with such as the House afforded, by all means desires his instructions in that nimble mistery; he soon assented, and our boy being ingenuous, and very willing to learn, soon attains to the knowledg of this mistery, and taking all opportunities of practising, could soon leap through a hoop, vault over two or three joynt stools, tumble on the ground in various manners; and being a pretty proficient, had money several times given him by Guests that came to our house, for shewing his tricks; by vertue of his money he would brag and vapour as 100well as the best in the house; and the rest of the servants seeing his gain would attempt to do the like, but many times came off with the breaking of their shins; amongst the rest, the Cook maid had a mighty great itch to learn and practise some of these tricks belike, supposing that if he, who was a boy, did get so much money by them, that then she might gain much more being a maid; and that she might as well do them as he; the obstacle of Petticoats she removed by, resolving when she had learned, to have a pair of Breeches and Doublet for that purpose, and that she questioned not, but to get money enough, it being a greater Novelty to see a woman in breeches; but before she purchased them, she resolved to practice in her ordinary Habit, her Petticoats, and did so when she had convenient time and place; so that she likewise could perform somwhat in that practice. One time most of the other servants being abroad, she was sent into the Cellar to draw a Gallon Pot full of Claret Wine; she believing it would be some time ere it were full, by reason it ran only through a small Cane whilest the Pot was filling, she lies down on her back, and resolved now to try whether she could put her feet in her neck, in order to practice some new trick of tumbling; shee soon put one there, and with some difficulty likewise put the other, when she had so done, she could not possibly undoe what she had done, her feet were as fast to her neck, as if they had grown there; and though she tumbled and tossed, yet it was all to no purpose, for she could not by any means disentangle, or disengage her self from the posture she was in; she finding her self in this condition, knew not what to do, for the Pot was now full, and the Wine ran about the Cellar, and with tumbling about she had made her Coats to fly about her 101ears; at length she resolved to cry out, hoping her Mistress, or some other of the females of the house might hear her, and come to her rescue; this resolution she put in execution, and cryed out amain, help, help; we were all in the Room over her, and therefore soon heard her voice, but not knowing whose, or what was the matter; mine Host at length said to the boy, sirrah, run down into Cellar, and see what is the matter there; the boy did so, and after some little stay came up again, and cryes out, Oh Heavens! Master, I think our Cook-maid is murthered for I went down, and there lyes her body without a Head, and a great deal of blood about her (which was the spilt Claret) but, said his Master, are you sure her head was off? yes, yes, said the boy, come see how it is cut of from the neck; and yet, continued he, I cannot think she is yet dead, for she moved her hands, and still cryes out, but her head I cannot find. Mine Host hearing of this strange matter, soon ran down into the Cellar, which was not so dark, nor he so dim sighted, but he presently discovered how the matter was. The only thing he did, was to stop the Wine from running out, by putting the spiggot into the faucet, and so returned up to us, and told us that the boy was a little mistaken; but such a sight had he seen as was very unusual; and thereupon desires us to desend into the Cellar, and see what he had done; no sooner had he said so; but our curiosities likewise induced us to go down, where in short time we likewise had the satisfaction of seeing this strange sight: how said I, this is some Monster, and it would do well to keep it in this manner till the next fair, and then we may gain more by it then all the Tumblers did. A pox of Tumbling, said mine Hostess, I believe this came from that Exercise.

102We thus having spent our Verdicts, helped the wench to disingage her self, and put her in her wonted natural posture; but when she was so, she was not come to her self, so much was she spent with strugling, and her joynts were so out of order, that we were forced to lead her up stairs, and put her to bed.

She was mightily ashamed at this mischance, so that we could hardly perswade her to be seen by anybody; but the boy was as well pleased, as she was troubled; it was honey and nuts to him to tell the guests, how the Cook-maid could do some feats of activity, as well as he, and then relate to them, in what posture he found her. Much sport was made upon this account; and although the Wench was shy at first in being seen, yet in time she bore it out bravely, when the guests gave her money to talk with her about this Adventure.

By this means the wench became a great Enemy to the boy, and did him many shrew’d turns, but durst not meddle with his body politick, dreading the danger she should run into by the harmes of others who had been his persecutors; wherefore she was forced to let him alone as to matter of action, only now and then she would exercise her wit upon him, in which she seldome came off but with the disadvantage. She was famous for this her trick of activity, by which she got money, but much more by another, which she soon after effected, and came more clearly off with it: It was then in time of rebellion, and all observations of Christmas, Easter, Whitsontide, or any Holy-days, were by the Factious accounted superstitious, especially any observation of Christmas; and therefore, the more to cross the desire and humour of those who would observe the feast of Christmas, the men then in power commanded a strict fast to be on that day kept and observed, with penalties on all those 103who should dress any victuals; and althorough the Town, and especially our house, was of another perswation, yet such was the prevalency of the Faction, that it, was strictly observed; & it was given out that the Officers of the Town would search houses, to find and punish Offenders. Our Cook-maid hearing of this, was resolved to put a trick upon the Officers; who about the middle of Sermon time came attended with a Guard, to see and examine our Kitching, where they found not the Jack a going, yet they found a good fire, and the pot a boyling: How now, said Master Church warden, How dare you break the Lawes, by dressing victuals on this day? What have you in the Pot? Quoth the Maid, Nothing but plumb porridg? How, said the Church-warden, Superstitious Porridg? this is a very great offence, and deserves as great punishment, to do thus in contempt of the Laws; I will see your Master fined for this, and severely punished. Well, replyed she, but I pray, Master Church-warden, be not so angry, but be pacified; which I know you will be, when you see further what is in the Pot, and with what the porridge are made; and lest you should mistake I will shew you; whereupon she went to the Pot and took out a large pair of Rams-horns, and said, Look you, Master Church-warden, this is the meat; how like you it? I hope so well, that you will tast of the broath your self without scruple of conscience? The case was so plain, and Master-Church-warden was so sensible that he was jeer’d, that he made all possible haste out of the house, threatning what he would do to the Wench, who now only laughed at him, as did some of his attendants, who knew the Church-warden was very sensible of the affront, his wife being one of those who wore cork-heeld shoes, which made her pass for a light Huswife, as indeed she was.

104This trick which our Maid put upon the Churchwarden, raised a great noise in the Town and Country, and brought all the Cavileers to our house, who gave her somewhat to her box, so that she was very happy in this project, and our Host had very great Custom.

But still the Boy and Wench could not agree to set their horses together; for his business was to be up in the morning with the first, and help her make her fire, this he could not indure, for he loved his bed mightily well, and would rather want his belly full of victuals, then sleep, he had liberty to lye a bed on a Sunday so long as he pleased, because then they had few guests; wherefore he would constantly lye by it, till dinner time, which he knew by the jack going; for so long as the jack went, so long would he lie by it, but when that was stopt, he thought it was time, to rise to dinner.

The wench observing that he observed this Custome was resolved to put a trick on him, and therefore one Sunday though dinner was dressed by twelve a clock, and eaten by one, yet she let the Jack go on till four a Clock after-noon, still the boy lay listning to the Jacks going; and hearing that go still on, gave himself to lazyness, and took many a sweet turn, which she laughed at heartily; at length she stopt the Jack, and immediately the boy arose, and came down stairs (for he lay in a small loft over the Kitchin) to see what was become of the roast; but he found none in the Kitchin, nor Hall, nor no body in the house but the wench; who seeing him search about for his Dinner, and asking her questions about the affairs of the belly, she could not answer him for laughing; but soon after the family returning from Church, he discovered his own mistake, and her roguery; for this, he resolved on a revenge, which he had upon her the next day, 105when, a considerable dinner being to be dressed; he was called up in the morning to make a fire; he did so, and was more than ordinarily diligent, for he laid a row of Cinders, then fresh Coals, then a row of gun powder, then a row of Cinders, then more gun-powder, and so Cinders, till this pile of building was erected; that done, he slightly kindled it and departed, going on an errand out of the Town. The Wench not knowing, or distrusting the intended mischief, hung on her Pot; and both the Spits of Geese, Capons, and other Fowls; but before they were a quarter roasted, the train of Powder took; with that up flew the Pot; and both the Spits, with all the Fowl, took a second flight; the Wench was amazed, and the Dinner spoiled, for the ashes and Cinders had made all the Fowls of a sad colour: so that the Wench stamped and swore, as if she had been bewitch’d.

The Maid is out-witted by a Country Fellow in an eateing wager, and so is her Master, mine Host; who makes himself whole again by another eating wager. Three Women drink off eighteen Gallons of Rhenish Wine at one sitting, and the manner how.

Mrs. Dorothy pausing, and we laughing, gave her the conveniency to consider of what she was to say further; wherefore in short time she thus proceeded.

106The poor Wench was at a great loss, to think that the Guests must loose their dinner; and she could not for a long time think how this came about, nor distrust that the boy had been concerned in it; but at length, the mist being removed, her eyes were opened, and she believed the boy to be the Authour of this mischief. But since it was done, and what was past could not be prevented or helped; she bethought her self how to proceed; and therefore, her Mistress coming into the Kitchin, and seeing the state of the matter, they likewise called me and the Daughter, to assist in the remedy; whilst the Wench made the fire good, we fell to washing the Fowls from the fowleness which the Cinders and Ashes had caused; but when that was done, we had a further and more tedious work, to pick out several corns of powder that were fastned into the skins of the Fowls; at length, with many hands, we likewise performed this work, and with an hours loss, the Dinner was in as much forwardness as it had been; and at length, it was dressed and eaten; but the Guests tasting, and seeing some remains of the Gun-powder, my Host excused it well enough, by telling them that those Fowles were shot by an accident.

Thus was the Dinner eaten, and much Wine drank off before the boy returned; but so soon as he came in, mine Host took him by the hand, and led him into the room where the Guests were still a drinking: and first desireing silence, and then their pardon, he told them this was the Gunner, that had shot all those Fowls they had eaten, at one shot; how, said they, he is an excellent marks-man: yes truly, said mine Host, but he had a strange kind of instrument to do this Execution; and I pray, Gentlemen, do you examine him how it was done.

107The Guests thinking there was somewhat in the matter that was pleasant, desired the boy to acquaint them with it; he seeing how matters went, and believing no harm would come to him, in plain terms told them all; they were strangely pleased with the boyes discourse; and he having told them the manner how he did it, they desired to know the cause, wherefore; to this he replyed, it was because the maid had cheated him of his Dinner, by letting the Jack to go, as I told you.

The rehearsal of that Adventure pleased them as much as the other; and the maid was call’d in, who confessing all that the boy had told them, the Guests made them Friends, and gave money to each of them; advising the Wench not by any means to fall out with the boy, and so they dismissed them.

Thus had we much pleasure by Adventures, which every day fell out between this boy and some body or other, but I will leave that, to tell you of somewhat else, as considerable and pleasant. Our Cook-maid, though she were pretty cunning and witty; was yet sometimes out-witted; for one day, an ordinary Country fellow came into the Kitchin; and calling for a Flaggon of beer, sate down by the fire to drink it and thus he began with the Wench: Here is good drink at your house, but I wonder you are not as well provided with Victuals; why, said she, so we are, for here is good meat at the fire, shewing him a piece of roast beef, that weighed above a stone; yes, said he again, the meat may be good, but there is but a little of it, there is enough for you, replyed she; no, but there is not, said he; how, said she, can you eat all this? Yes, that I can, said he; I’le lay a wager of that, said she; what you dare, said the man, she would have the wager be a quart of wine (for she was 108resolved against money wagers) nay, said the Man, a pint is enough for me with this meat, and so much will I lay: She thinking, that the less she layd the less she should lose, if she lost, and being very desirous to see this great wager of eating performed, agreed to his Terms, and thereupon he fell too lustily, and did eat considerably, but far short of all, so that he consented his wager to be lost, and the pint of wine was called for; he seizing on it first, put it to his nose, and drank all off; and throwing down six pence for his pint of wine, and two pence for his pot of beer, was departing, when her Mistress, mine Hostess, enters the Kitchin, and seeing the fellow departing, asked who must pay for the meat? Not I, said the fellow; Nor I, said the wench, so that a controversie arose between them; but mine Host and some company coming in, ended it, by ajudging, that since the Country-man called for no meat, it was not fit he should pay for it, and he not paying, the maid must, which she presently did it, but was laughed at for her folly. But she was not the only over-reach’d person in the house, for it was not long ere mine Host himself was finely caught.

There came three men, who although they were neighbours, and famous for eating, yet mine Host not knowing them, they thus over-reach’d him: they came to sup, and lye there that night, and therefore went into the Kitchin to see what was for Supper. There was Capons, Pidgeons, and Sparagus: Very good meat, said they: Now, mine Host, what shall we give you a peice for our supper of these three sorts of victuals? He asked, how much they would have drest: they asked him the same question, How much he would dress: Why, said he, I will dress three Capons, three dozen of 109Pidgeons, and fifteen hundred of Sparagus. Very good, said they: but if this be not enough, we expect to have more. That you shall, said he; but you shall sup first, and I hope there will be enough for my self and family, when you have done. For that, you must adventure it, said they; Well now, your price? Said mine Host, I will have three shillings four pence a piece, that is, ten shillings in all. Content, said they; Make haste that we may drink afterwards. Thus was the Bargain made up, and the Fowls laid down to the fire. In the mean time the three Travellors fetched a walk, to get them (as they said) a stomack to their Supper; which in convenient time being ready, and they returned, they thus began; each of the three took, each of them, a Capon whole on their trenchers; and cutting them into pieces, they made one mouthful of each wing, another of each leg; and scraping all the meat from the Carcass, into two or three mouth-fuls, the Capons were invisible; then they drank each his cup of Claret, to whet their appetites; that being done, they fell to the Pidgeons, and cutting each Pidgeon into four quarters, they eat them, bones and all, at four bits; and then they drank again, and fell to the Sparagus, which was in short time bestowed where the rest of the victuals was; mine Host seeing them so quick at their work, stared at them, and they calling for another glass of wine drank to him, and told him, that he must provide more victuals, or lose his wager, he being angry at both their propositions, at length thought it was better to let them have more meat, than not to be paid for what they had, and be laughed at into the Bargain; wherefore he replyed, they should have enough; and calling for the Cook-maid, commanded her to dress the same quantity of victuals; she staring 110on the Guests, they bad her go down, and make haste for they wanted their supper: down she went, and did accordingly; and whilst supper was dressing, they walked and smoak’d, in their Chamber. In time the other course, consisting of three Capons, three dozen of Pigeons, and fifteen hundred of Sparagus was brought up, and in as little time as before it was eaten up, as the former had been to the great cost, loss, and confusion of mine Host; who stared now worse than he had done; but however he again asked them, if they would have any more; to this they readily replyed, Yes. He again called, and the Cook maid being come up, was commanded to dress the same quantity again, and that quickly: She replyed, she could not, for all the Fowl that was killed, was eaten; and it would be a great while, ere she could kill, pull and dress the like quantity; besides, there was no more Sparagus then to be had; they told mine Host they must have their bargain, or he lose his wager: he replyed, if he could not furnish them with that, yet they might have of any other sort of victuals: they said, they would have that, or none, or else a third way, come to composition, to this mine Host gave ear, and asked what composition: they told him, that indeed though they could give a dispatch to more victuals, yet they would for once forbear further eating, and exchange their victuals for drink: so they reckoned what their other mess of victuals might come to, which being computed to ten shillings, they desired ten shillings worth of wine. Mine Host shook his head at this and said, they did him too hard, which they confessing, and a little further discoursing on, it was agreed that they should have each of them a quart of Canary, in full satisfaction of the wager: this they had, this they drank off, and so went to bed, where 111they slept more soundly then mine Host, who with all his Family went supperless to bed; and he was extreamly vex’d, that he should be out-witted and over-reached by three Bumpkins; but what could not be cured must be endured; it was but a folly to complain, self do, self have, and now he remember’d the wager between the Cook-maid and Country-man, and had no cause to laugh at her anymore. Night being spent, part in sleep, and part in these cogitations, he arose, and so did his guests, who honestly paid their shot, though not half so much as their reckoning came to; and at departure they told him, that if ever he had occasion for an eating wager, if he would send for any of them, they would do their weak endeavours to assist him as much to his gain as this had been to his loss; and thereupon acquainted him with the places of their dwellings, they departed: and indeed, it was not long ere he had occasion to make use of them; for a Person of Quality, being to travel our Road, sent his boy before to our house to bespeak a Supper; the boy, having mistook his Master in his direction, instead of a couple of Capons, and a dozen of Larks, which he had ordered him to bespeak, he bespeak, a dozen of Capons, and a Couple of Larks, mine Host did somewhat distrust the boy for his directions, when he spake of a couple of Larks, and told him surely he was mistaken, he must have two dozen of Larks; no, said the boy, my Master is but a small eater, and the dozen of Capons and the two Larks will be enough for him and his Company, which is but one Gentleman, besides himself; well, replyed mine Host, however I’le provide two dozen of Larks; and if your Master will not eat them, I’le have them my self; to this the boy consented, and the fowls were ordered to be dressed accordingly: mine Host 112was very sensible of the mistake, and that the Boy should have bespoke but two Capons, and a dozen of Larks; but however, the boy being so confident that it was a dozen of Capons, he was resolved to dress them, and that his Master should pay for them; but lest they should be left on his hands, and deducted for, he bethought on a way to have them dispatched; wherefore he dispatched away a boy to one of his three Capon and Pidgeon eaters, desiring him to favour him so far, as to come that evening to his house; for he did believe he might do him a kindness in some affairs relating to the teeth and guts. The Country man was at home, and came at his time: but before he came, the Master of the boy came thither, and asking what was for Supper, was answered, a dozen of Capons, and two dozen of Larks; and for whom is all this provision? said the Gentleman. For your worship, said mine Host: how so, said the Gentleman, by whose order? by your servants, replyed mine Host; and thereupon the boy being called, sirrah, said his Master, what orders did I give you about my supper? Sir, said the boy, I believe there is a mistake, and so I told mine Host. For I only bespake a dozen of Capons, and a couple of Larks; and he said, it was too little, and that he would dress two dozen of Larks. The Gentleman and his Friend laughed at the Boyes mistake, and excuse; and mine Host said, that he thought two dozen of Larks was little enough for one dozen of Capons. That is true, said the Gentleman; but I ordered the boy to bespeak only a couple of Capons, and a dozen of Larks. You see said mine Host, It is not my mistake, and I did nothing but was reasonable. I but, said the Gentleman, it is unreasonable to think, that we two and the boy can eat so much as you have provided for us; 113not so unreasonable neither, as you think, Sir, replyed mine Host; for I’le lay a good wager, that I’le produce one man, that can, and will eat up all the Capons himself; how, said the Gentleman? I’le never believe that, and I’le lay twenty shillings of it, and venture my Supper; done, said mine Host; done, said the Gentleman; and so both their moneys were laid into the other Gentlemans hand. Thus was this wager concluded of and mine Host went to his Teeth and Gut-Champion, who attended the sport; he told him the wager; to that he shook his head, and said it was a hard task; but he would strive to serve him. Supper being ready, it was Ushered in by mine Host, leading his Champion by the hand; who, after due reverance to the Company, sits down; and the meat being placed on the board, the wager was again recited; and it was further agreed, that the Champion might have what drink he would call for; and thereupon he began to use his teeth, and the rest of the Company their eyes, to behold the manner how he made so quick a dispatch of his Victuals. I told you already how, and in that manner he did eat; but now being to do much, he took more time than ordinary; but in time, ten of the twelve were made invisible, being put into our Gut-mongers Christmas Cup-board, and the eleventh was on his Trencher, and part of it sent down his belly, when mine Host looked on him with a more than curious eye, and discovered somewhat of discontent, which caused him to cry out, Come Friend! bear up, and here’s to you; thank you, replyed the Eater; and taking the drink from mine Host, he whispering him in the ear, said; You have lost, I can eat no more. How, said the Gentleman, what sayes he? Nothing, said mine Host, but that he is sure you have lost, for he can eat a dozen more: How, 114replyed the Gentle-man, but by my faith he shall not, for i’le have this my self for my Supper: and thereupon he seized on the twelfth Capon, and laying it on his Trencher, cuts it in peices, and gives to his Friend. Nay then, said mine Host, I see you agree the wager to be mine: yes, replyed the Gentleman, I had better do so, than fill his belly, and lose my own supper; and thereupon the money was given to mine Host; who now, meerly by his quickness of wit in thinking, and confidence in speaking so contrary to the Eaters saying, won the wager; and, which was most, saving his own credit, and that of his Champion, who clearly confessed, that the wager was in great danger to be lost.

Thus did mine Host get as much as he lost by the former wager, and the Gentleman was well pleased at the loss of his; and all parties being contented, they went to bed, and next day parted.

And now, continued Mrs. Dorothy, that my hand is in, I’le tell you one Story more of the like nature, and so conclude with this eating discourse.

It was not long ere some Company came to the House, and in the Company three Women, who were good girls, absolute Bona Roba’s, they had a great desire to drink Rhenish wine, and therefore asked if we had any? Mine Host told them yes, he had a Runlet of eighteen Gallons newly come in, and it was excellent good; the women said that would hardly serve one sitting: no said one of the Gentle-men surely it will: they said no, they would wager that they themselves could drink it off at one sitting. The Gentleman told them that if they would, he would not only pay for it, but also give unto each of them forty shillings, to buy a new Petticoat; this they agreed to, nay, they said they would not rise from their seats 115e’re it was done, provided they might have Anchoves, and Neats-tongues, and such like victuals to intermix: this was agreed on, and that they might the more conveniently do their business, they had each of them an empty Butter-firkin with the head knock’d off, and so taking up their Coates, they laid their bare bums on the firkins, thus they sate, and thus they drank, sometimes eating and other whiles talking, so that in four hours time, all the wine was drank off, and if they had occasion to evacuate, they did that without trouble sitting as they did on butter-firkins.

Mrs. Dorothy discourses of the several cheats of Drawers and Tapsters, inventing bad drink and small measure. The Host carries two men before the Justice, where he came off with the loss. He is out-witted by two Guests, but is revenged on them by the boyes assistance.

These were the frolicks we daily had at our house, which were commonly to the profit of mine Host; for whoever won or lost he went away with the profit and gain; and indeed his gain was very great both in his victuals and drink, for when wine was to be sold at eighteen pence the quart, we had two shillings or half a crown, and that we might not come within the compass of the law, to every bottle of Wine, a small plate of Olives was carried up, 116neither was this enough to have the price, but the Wine was generally mixt, and bad; and that the Guests might as well be cheated in quantity as quality, it was commonly sold in bottles, where we many times had two shillings or half a crown for a bottle of Wine that would not hold above a pinte and a half; and for instance, I will relate one little fine Cheat to that purpose: A Company of Gentlemen come to our house and call’d for Wine, which they drank off but liked not, wherefore they called the Drawer, and desiring another bottle told him that there was two faults in the Wine they had drank, the one that it was not so good as they expected, the other, that the bottle was not full measure; they therefore desired him to mend both the quality and quantity in the next, since they intended him, and always gave the best price, half a crown a bottle, he promised an amendment as to both, and so went down, and indeed was as good as his word, drawing the best wine in the Cellar, and that in a Bottle of the largest size; they thanked him and for his encouragement to continue honest to them they gave him a shilling, he pocketed the money and left them, they drank on and finding their wine good, called for more, which they had: But mark the falsness and ingratitude of this rascally Drawer, he in short time first changed their wine, and gave them worse, and not contented with that likewise cheated them of their measure, he carried a bottle of wine and filled a glass out of it, when one of the Gentlemen who was not yet so dim sighted but he could see somewhat of the intended cheat, cry’d hold Drawer, let me see that Glass and Bottle, and thereupon poured the wine into the bottle which was indifferent full but looking on the bottle, and seeing it was very small, he said: surely this Bottle does not hold a full quart, Oh Lord! Sir, 117said the Drawer, do you think I would wrong you? I do not know; replyed the Gentleman, but I much distrust it, you have no cause replyed the Drawer, for I am sure that bottle is full measure, what will you wager of that said the Gentleman? any thing you will, said the Drawer: But do you think I would put any tricks upon Gentlemen I have so great respect for, no surely? But said the Gentleman I must and will be satisfied, that you may quickly be, replyed the Drawer, for I will fetch a new sealed quart pot and measure it, this was agreed upon, and in short time up comes the Drawer with a quart pot in his hand, being come to the Table he takes the bottle and pours the wine out of that into the quart pot, which when looked upon was full as it ought to be, now said one to the Gentleman who complained, you have wronged the honest Drawer and must give him satisfaction for the abuse, truly replyed he, I was very much mistaken, and my mind still gives me that there is some cunning trick and cheat in this contrivance, and that it is not as it appears to be; truly replyed the Drawer, if you think I have done you any abuse you do me wrong, and besides the great respect I have for you who are my Masters best Customers, I know if I should attempt to wrong you, my Master would be much troubled and would not keep a Servant in his House that should do it; well for all this replyed the Gentleman, I pray let me see the bottle and quart pot, the Drawer delivered him the quart pot freely, but parted from the bottle with much unwillingness, but in fine the Gentleman had them both when presently he takes the quart pot and out of that filled the bottle, and then he found the Cheat, which was this; there was more than half a pint of wine left in the quart pot, how now, said the Gentleman who is wronged now, where lies the Cheat? The Drawer seeing himself found out and fearing he should be beaten 118replyed, I do not know, and so turn’d his back and left them; great was the admiration of the whole company, of the management of this cheat, but much more at the impudence of the Drawer; now they all perceived that the Drawer when he went down into the Cellar to bring up a quart pot, brought wine in it, and that above half a pint, the acting of the thing it self was not so much as the manner, that this knavish Drawer should be so impudent as to stand in it, and justifie it with language, when as if he had not been too confident, and so soon as he had put the wine into a quart pot had immediately gone away, he might have escaped undiscovered; but it was his fortune so to be found out to the great admiration of the whole company, who although they found themselves cheated, yet were hugely pleased with the manner, and made it their discourse in all Taverns they came into for a long time after; but I believe it was to as little purpose with others, as with our folks, for when any such tricks or cheats have been told in our house, our people would only give them the hearing, and seem to be astonished with the discourse, but be never a whit the better for it, but immediately upon the next opportunity do the same thing or as bad, and this was their constant practice; they would draw wine in glass bottles that were so thick at the bottom that when they were empty they were as heavy as if they were half full, and also batter’d pots that would not hold out measure, and sometimes would fill a pot not above three quarters full, and when the Drawer brought it in, he would presently fill out a glass, and stare them in the face as Juglers do when they are about their Hocus Pocus, slight of hand tricks, and so carry it off, and out of pretence to civility to fill the first glasses they would do it, but their end was quite different, it 119being only to deceive them and to hinder them from seeing the false measure that is brought them, which cannot be discovered when a glass or two is filled out.

Mine Host was finely caught one day with a pot not being filled: Two Old Country men coming to our house in a morning called for a quart of wine, the Drawer believing they were to be choused, brought up a quart pot, but it was little more than half full, he intended they should have it raw, but it being a cold morning, they bad him rost it, that is put it to the fire and burn it; he was now at a loss in not filling out the first glass, but not knowing how to help it, he did set it down before the fire, and I suppose, he intended to fill it up afterwards, but he forgetting that, and the old men being busie in discourse forgot to look to it, when on a sudden they look’d, and the pot was melted almost half way down, which was as far as there was no wine in it; with that the maid seeing it call’d out to them, what honest men do you melt your pot? Not we, said they, it is the fire, but you are like to pay for it, replyed the wench, that is when we do, said they, at this mine Host came up, the maid tells how that these two old men had been telling their Canterbury tales so long that the pot was melted, then they must pay for it said mine Host, for it was given to their charge; thereupon the Drawer was call’d, who likewise averred that he gave them the pot with the wine into their charge and custody, and that therefore they ought to look after it, and since it was damaged to pay for it. They replyed, they took no charge of it, neither did they touch it, but only ordered him, to burn it well: mine Host said they should pay, and they said they would not, whereupon he threatened them with a Justices Warrant; they were somewhat unwilling to be troubled, and were content to pay for 120the wine, and allow six pence more for mending the pot, mine Host replying that would not do, for it could not be mended, and he must have a new one; they seeing him so unreasonable, were content the Justice should decide the Controversie; wherefore before the Justice they went, and mine Host there made his Complaint that those two men had melted his quart pot, and refused to pay for it. The Justice perceiving where the matter lay, and that he told his tale wrong, desired the men to speak, who in plain terms told him they took no charge of the pot, but onely desired the Drawer to cause Wine to be burnt, that he had accordingly set it down by the fire, and without their handling or touching it, the pot was melted. So, said the Justice, and did neither of you drink of the Wine? No, not one drop, replyed the old men, and yet we offered to pay for the Wine, and give sixpence towards mending the pot. This is more than you shall need to do, said the Justice, & then he thuss proceeded to mine Host.

Friend, with what confidence can you demand any money of these men that had nothing of you? since you would not do them justice, I will; I do hereby acquit them from paying any thing for Wine, because they never had any; and for the melting the pot, how did they do it? It was not they, but your servant who drew the Wine, who had he filled the pot full of wine, the fire could not have melted it; for I very well understand that the pot was melted no further than it was empty: And further, continued the Justice, this shall not serve your turn, for I shall Fine you for not filling your pot; Your Crime is very apparent and evident, and so shall your punishment be, and I order you, as a Fine, to pay down Twenty shillings for your misdemeanor, or else I shall make your Mittimus, and send you to Prison. Thus was the Case altered, and the Tale was now of another Hog; for mine Host who expected 121satisfaction, was forced to give it, and that immediatly, or else go to Prison.

This went against the hair, but Necessity hath no Law, and therefore down he paid the money, and came home heartily vexed, not so much for the money he had paid, as for the disgrace he received; for he was now become the Town-talk: But however, since he could not help the disgrace, he was forced to be contented with that; but for his loss, he soon fetch’d it up either in false measures, Over-reckonings, or some such practises as I have told you. And besides these extraordinary gains he made by Drink, he had his ways to cheat in Victuals, he would reckon for a Dish of anchoves that stood him in ten pence, or a shilling, two shillings or half a Crown at the least; and carry them in a large Dish an inch asunder from one another. Whestphalia Ham of Bacon he would cut so thin, and make such a large show of a little meat, that he would reckon two shillings for that which stood him in two groats; nay, and sometimes be paid six pence for fouling of Linnen to it. A Neats-tongue of two shillings, he would reckon four shillings, or four shillings six pence for it, nay though they were cheated of part of it, as I remember he was caught in the manner about one. A Neat’s-tongue being call’d for, and carried in to the Guests, but first (as the manner is) it was slit down quite through the middle, and not barely so, but mine Hostess her self had gelded it, and cut off from each side a fine large slice, which she intended for some other Gentlemen in the House, to draw down th’other Bottle of wine. This Neats-tongue being carried to the Guests, one of them complained of the cutting it, saying, he had rather have had it whole; for (said he) there is less loss in cutting it in slices cross-ways than this. Why (said another) you may do so still, and thereupon he took the Tongue and clapt it 122together again, but it would not come close by above half an inch; and they discovered the place, where it had been pared, to look wide like a mouth: they perceiving the cheat, were resolv’d to try a little farther experiment, and therefore called in for mine Host, who with a Sit you merry Gentlemen came in: Landlord (said one) I pray what do you reckon for this Neats-Tongue? Not above four shillings, or four shillings sixpence, said he: I but that is too much reply’d the man, this is but a little one, and I think not a whole one. How! reply’d mine Host, not a whole one! that were a good jest indeed; I say tis a whole one, and a large one too. I’le wager a quart of Sack (said the Gentleman) that you are mistaken; Done, said mine Host: whereupon the Neats-Tongue was clapt together, and mine Host quickly saw that he had lost; he began to flounce and fluster, saying, that some of the company had done it; but leaving the Room, and going to his wife in the Kitchin, he soon found that he had lost indeed: the company being good guests to the house he was unwilling to displease them; wherefore he drew a quart of wine, went in and acknowledged his error, and paid for it, excusing the matter as well as he could, and they took all in good part. Thus was he sometimes caught, and paid for it; but not once in twenty times but he caught his guests, and made them pay for it. They would not only cheat their guests, but their own servants bellies; for except they had good trading, that the Servants might feed on the reversione of their guests dinners, they were like to go without, or at least have a poor one: she was very niggardly, and when they had salt fish, which was commonly once a week, she would allow them neither Oyl nor Butter, but only Mustard, but she was broken of that custom in this manner; after they had one 123day din’d with fish, drest as I tell you, down stairs went one servant, then another, and so one after another they all dropt away and went into the Cellar; where when they were come, the Drawer said, now to our old Custom, that is, since we have had no oyl nor butter, to our fish, we will soak it in sack, my friends, and that of the best, every one his half pint, and so away to our business: mine Host having some business with some of the servants, and finding them all missing, went to the Cellar door, and there he not only heard this proposition made by the Drawer, but saw it also confirmed and executed; whereupon he went to his wife, and commanded her for the future to allow his servants not onely oyl with their mustard to their salt fish, but butter and eggs too if they would have it, and so they had for the future. I have known mine Host sell and take money for one Joynt of meat twice, in this manner: when a Feast hath been above stairs, Joynts of Meat, and Fowles that have hardly been touched, have been brought down and sold to guests below, as fresh brought from the fire, at a very good rate: indeed no opportunity hath been omitted, to gain money. There was a pretty passage hapned about a couple of guests, that upon occasion lay there two or three nights together; thus it was: two men came one night to lodge, and being not well in health, it having been cold and rainy, they desired a good fire in their Chamber, which they had without any supper, or any drink, but a quart of burnt wine, and so they went to bed: the next day proving cold and rainy and their business not being very urgent, they continued there, and kept their Chamber, with little victuals, and as little drink; but however they kept a good fire, and mine Host seeing they had little else but fireing, was resolved he would get sufficiently by that, 124and therefore the next morning when they call’d to know what was to pay, he reckoned them ten shillings for fireing for two nights and one day: this demand they thought was very unreasonable, but, they knew that they could not help themselves, for he would have what he demanded; and besides, to say truth, firing was very scarce and dear in that Country: the two Travellers paid their shot, and intended to leave the house, but the weather proved so cold and stormy, they could not; wherefore they were forced to stay; but they resolved withall to be better Husbands of their fireing than they had been, but could not tell how, till in the end looking about the house they saw a great old fashion’d Bed-stead, that lay useless in a Hole: they not telling for what use, asked my Landlord the price of it, who not dreaming of their purpose, in few words sold it to them for five shillings; when they had bought it, they hired a fellow for one shilling to cut it in pieces fit for fireing; and now being furnished with fewel, they resolved to keep a good fire which they did, and calling for mine Host, and a quart of wine, bad him welcome to their good Husbandry; for the wood they had bought of the bed-stead was as much agen as they had paid ten shillings for, wherefore they made a good fire, and sung old rose in the gun-room. Mine Host being thus beaten at his own weapons, and his own Goods by himself sold to his loss, was somewhat netled, and discovered his anger to his servants. Master (said the unhappy boy) if you please I’le be revenged of them: do if you can (said the Master) not doing mischief. The boy having a commission, was not long e’re he put it in execution; for joyning another Servant in confederacy with him, they went that evening to wait on the two guests, when among other matters they talked of spirits 125and apparitions; quoth the boy, we are often troubled with them here, and especially in this Chamber: I am sorry for that (said one of our Travellers) for I am very fearful of any such things: and thus the boy possed them with fear of that which he intended and executed; for about midnight he and his confederate took a Calf out of the Cow-house, and tying his four legs together, but so as he might not only stand, but go a little; they put him into our Travellers chamber, and there waited the event; it was not long e’re the Calf began to pace it about the Room, making an unusual noise; and in this manner he continued stampingstamping till both our Travellers were awake, who hearing the noise, were possessed with fear and astonishment, supposing it to be a spirit that was told them of: thereupon they shrunk close into the bed for fear; the noise continuing, and no harm or danger coming to them, at length one of them consented to rise and light a candle to see what was the matter; a candle was found, and some remains of fire being still in the chimney, thither he went: and stooping down fell a blowing with his mouth to light the candle, the Calf seeing a light, went thitherwards, and espying somewhat that was pendulous between the Travellers Legs, and taking it to be his Mother Cows Teat, thrust his chaps thitherwards, and seizing it in his mouth, fell full lustily to sucking, the Traveller perceiving himself caught by the Members, and not knowing by what, and being in fear of losing them, fell a roaring very loud, to the great sorrow and grief of his bed-fellow, and as great joy of our unhappy Boy and his Confederate.

Mris. Dorothy discourses of mine Hosts misfortunes, As first how he was cheated of a Silver Bowl. Secondly, of a thirty pound reckoning; and Thirdly, was carried away Prisoner, and forced to pay Fifty pound for his Ransom.

Thus, continued Mris. Dorothy, was this revenge managed by mine Host and the Guests who had the reckoning of thirty pound to pay, came the next day and paid it, and then appointed to come the next week and spend the fifty shillings mine Host had gotten from the Fidlers, which they did accordingly; and thus said she, did we finish our Christmas: and now I hope, friends, said she to me and Mris. Mary, that you will give me leave to finish my discourse; not so long as you can think of any more of these stories, replyed I, and so did M. Mary; and thereupon we both joyned 137in our desires to entreat her to proceed. Well, replyed she, if I must, then I will alter the Nature and Quality of my discourse, and as I have told you of mine Hosts good fortune, and wayes to get money, so I will acquaint you with some of his misfortunes, and how he lost money; for Fortune was the same thing to him as she hath been to me, and I think to all others; we all have our several turns and changes, sometimes we are on the top, and anon on the bottom of Fortunes Wheel; and as that is, so is the World, round and rouling, and still in motion, and so are our Fortunes various: I replyed, I had full experience of this truth, and could freely subscribe to it; but, continued I, good honest Doll, let us be beholding to you so much as to prevent your discourse, and relate all the other transactions that you can remember befel during your stay in this pleasant place, for by what you have told us, I must needs term it so. We, said she, since you will have it so, i’le endeavour to satisfie you, and then she thus began.

I have already told you of one of my Hosts misfortunes in the quart pot, and how he was forced to pay twenty shillings instead of satisfaction which he expected; it was not long before that, that he had a more sensible loss, for one morning in comes a Countryman which calls for a Flaggon of Beer, and desires a private Room, for, sayes he, I have company a coming to me, and we have business. The Tapster accordingly shews him a room, and brings a Flaggon of Beer, and with it a Silver Cup worth three pound; the Countryman drank off his beer, and call’d for another Flaggon, & withal for mine Host to bear him company: mine Host seeing him alone, sate and talked with him about state affairs, till they were both weary & mine host was ready to leave him: well, said the Countryman, I see 138my Company will not come, and therefore I will not stay no longer, neither did he; but having drank up his Beer, he call’d to pay: A groat, quoth the Tapster; there ’tis, said the Countrey-man, laying it down, and so he went out of the Room, the Tapster staide behinde to bring away the Flaggon and Silver Cup, but though he found the Flaggon, yet the Cup was not to be found, wherefore he hastily runs out and cries, Stop the man. The Countrey-man was not in such haste, but that he quickly stopt of himself; he was not quite out of the doors, and therefore he soon returned to the Bar, where when he was come, he said, Well, what is the matter? what would you have? The Cup, said the Tapster that I brought to you; I left it in the Room, said the Country-man: I cannot finde it, said the Tapster: and at this noise mine Host appeared, who hearing what was the matter, said, I am sure the Cup was there even now, for I drank in it; it is there still for me, said the Countrey-man: Look then further, said mine Host; the Tapster did so, but neither high nor low could he finde this Cup; well then, said mine Host to the Countrey-man, if it be gone you must have it, or know of the going of it, and therefore you shall pay for it: Not I, said the Countrey-man, you see I have none of it: I have not been out of your house, nor no body hath been with me, how then can I have it? you may search me. Mine Host caused him to be searched, but there was no Cup to be found, however mine Host was resolv’d not to lose his Cup so, and therefore he sends for a Constable, and charges him with the Countrey-man, and threatens him with the Justice; all this would not do, and the Countrey-man told him, That threatned Folks live long, and if he would go before a Justice, he was ready to go with him. Mine Host was more and more perplexed, and 139seeing he could not have his cup, nor nothing confess’d, before the Justice they went, when they came there mine Host made his complaint, and told the story as truely it was, and the Country-man made the same answer there, as he had done before to mine Host; the Justice was perplexed, not knowing how to do justice, here was a Cup lost, and the Country-man did not deny but he had it, but gone it was, and although the Country-man was pursued he did not flie, he had no body with him, and therefore it could not be conveighed away by confederacy, and for his own part he had been, and was again searched, but none found about him, and he in all respects pleaded innocency: this, though considered and weighed in the ballance of justice, he could not think that the Country-man had it, and therefore to commit him would be injustice; he considered all he could, and inclined to favour the Country-man, who was altogether a stranger, and he believed innocent, especially when he considered what a kind of Person mine Host his accuser was, of whose life and conversation he had both known and heard enough, and cause him to believe that it might be possible that all this might be a Trick of mine Hosts to cheat the Country-man, and therefore he gave his judgement, that he did not believe by the Evidence that was given, that the Country-man had the Cup, and that he would not commit him unless mine Host would lay, and swear point blank Felony to his charge, and of that he desired mine Host to beware. Mine Host seeing which way it was like to go, said no more, but that he left it to Mr. Justice, who being of this opinion I told you of, discharged the country-man, and advised mine Host to let him hear no more of these matters, & if he could not secure his plate, & know what company he delivered it to, then to keep it up. Mine Host thanked 140the Justice for his advice, and so departed, the Countrey-man going about his business, and he returning home, being heartily vexed at his Loss, and the carriage of the whole Affair, which was neither for his profit nor credit; but he was forced to sit down with the Loss, being heartily vexed to think how he should lose the Cup: he threw away some money in going to a Cunning-man to know what was become of it, but all they could tell him was, that he would hear of it again, and so he did shortly after; though it was to his further cost, and to little purpose. He had some occasions at our Country-Town during the time of the Assizes, and there seeing the prisoners brought to their Trials, among others he espyed the Countrey-man whom he had charged with the Silver Cup, by enquiring whatwhat was his crime? was told it was for picking a Pocket: Nay then, said mine Host, I may chance to hear of my Bowl again, and thereupon when the Tryal was over, and the Prisoners carried back to the Goal, he went and enquired for the Countrey-man, to whose presence he was soon brought; Oh Lord, master! said he, how do you? who thought to have seen you here? nay said mine Host, who thought to have seen you here? I believe you have not met with so good friends in this Countrey as you did at our Town, of our Justice; but let that pass, come let us drink together, whereupon a Flaggon of Beer was call’d for, and some Tobacco, which they very lovingly drank off, and smoak’d together; which done, said mine Host to the Countrey-man; I would gladly be resolved in one point which (I question not) but you can do; I suppose you mean (said the Countrey-man) about the old business, of the Silver Cup you lost; yes truly said mine Host, & the losing of it doth not so much vex me, as the manner how it was lost; & therefore, continued he if you will do 141me the kindness, to give me satisfaction what became of it, I do protest I will acquit you although you are directly guilty. No, this will not do, replyed the Country-man, there is somewhat else in the case: well then, said mine Host, if you will tell me, I will give you ten shillings to drink. Ready money does very well in a Prison, said the Country-man, and will prevail much; but how shall I be assured you will not prosecute me, if I should chance to be concerned? for that, replyed mine Host, I can give you no other Warrant but my Oath, which I will inviolably keep: well then said the Country-man, down with the merry Griggs, let me handle the money, and I’le be very true to you; and as for your charging me with it, I fear you not. Mine host being big with expectation to know how this cleanly conveyance was wrought, soon laid down the ten shillings; and then the Country-man thus proceeded: I must confess that I know which way your Cup went, but when you charged me with it I had it not; neither was it out of the room, and I must tell you this, that if you had sought narrowly, you might have found it, but it was not there long after. We who live by our wits must work by policy more then down right strength, and this cannot be done without Confederates, and I had such in the management of this affair, for I left the Cup fastned with soft wax under the middle of the board of the Table where I drank, which place of the Table by reason it was covered with a cloath, as you may remember it was, it could not well be seen; and therefore you and your servants missed of it: you know that very willingly I went with you to the Justices; and whilst we were gone those Friends and Confederates of mine whom I had appointed, and knew the Room and everything else, went into the house, and into the same Room, where they found the 142silver Cup, and without the least suspition went fairly off with it, and at a place appointed we met, and there acquainted one another with our Adventures, and what purchases we had made, we equally shared them between us. Mine Host at the hearing of this discourse was mightily surprized, although fully satisfied; but yet, said he, I would be resolved one question, which is this, how if we had found it where you had put it whilst you were there? why truly replyed the cheat (for now I may call him so) then you could have charged me with nothing, and I would have put it off with a jest, and if that would not have done, the most you could have done, had been only to have kicked and beaten me, and those things we of our quality must venture: you know the old Proverb, Nothing venture, nothing have, and Faint heart never won fair Lady; and we have this other Proverb to encourage us, that Fortune helps the bold; as it doth commonly those of our quality, and she did me I thank her in that attempt. And there did this Varlet descant upon his Actions, to the great satisfaction of mine Host, who finding there was no more to be had of him, left him, and soon after the Town; coming home, and giving us an account of this adventure; and this was another of his misfortunes, which was soon after followed by another worse than the last, and thus it was. A Company of pretending Gallants one evening arrived at our house, and there was in their company a young lad of about ten years of age, on whom they all waited, giving him respect equal to a Person of Honor, and their Master; they were soon furnished with Lodgings, the best in the house, where they bespake a plentiful supper, which was provided, drest, and sent to them. Mine Host enquiring what, and who the young Gentle-man was, whom he supposed was their 143Master; they told him that he was the Son of a French Marquess, giving him a name to that purpose, and that his Father their Lord and Master, would in few dayes be there; likewise that they being recomended to this house by a Friend of his, who warranted them good usage, they were come thither, and there they intended to stay till their Lord came. Mine Host was highly pleased with this recital, and he questioned not the truth of it, because the young Gentleman could not or would not speak any thing but a little Gibberish French. These Guests staid there a fortnight eating and drinking in most plentiful manner; and every day some or all of them did ride out, leaving only one person to wait on their Lord, and they came home very honestly at night. They had now been fourteen dayes and lain at Wrack and Manger, they and their Horses; and their Bill amounted to thirty pounds, which being a round sum of money; he began to try if he could get any, and to that end spake by the by to him that was chief person next to the young Lord, but he was deaf of that ear, and told him that it would not be above two or three dayes e’re he was sure their Lord himself would come, and then he should not only be paid, but also rewarded for the care, and respects he had shewed to his Son: Mine Host was satisfied with their reasons, and so went about his business; and so did this Blade about his; for calling a consultation of his Brethren, they resolved to be gone the next day, and give mine Host the go by for his Reckoning, and therefore they so ordered the matter, that that night whilst they were at supper, and mine Host with them; in enters another man, a new face, and enquired if my young Lord such a one, and his Attendants were there? yes said the Hostler, who took his Horse, and then calling the Chamberlain, he was 144conducted into the Room where the rest of his Acquaintance were, he being entered the Room, made his obeysance to his young Master; and then putting his hand into his Pocket pull’d out a Letter, which he presented to him; and another who sate next him took from him, opened, and read, telling mine Host that the Letter was from their Lord, who promised to be there with them by the next day at noon; glad did they seem to be, and so was mine Host, who thought now he was near the receiving of his money: the company then told him that he must provide a plentiful dinner, and that they would all ride forth in the morning to meet their old Master, only they would leave their young Master behind to his care; to this mine Host was content, and the next morning they arose early, mounted their horses, and away they went, leaving their Lord in Bed. Mine Host provided dinner according to the directions, and noon came, but no Lord, or Attendants; at length dinner was forced to be taken up, or spoiled, and then the young Lord was enquired for, who was still in Bed, and could not rise, for they had taken his fine Clothes with them: in fine, upon search, an old Country Suit was found, which now our young Lord owned to be his, and could speak English, saying, they were gone and carried away his fine cloaths. Mine Host hearing he could speak English, asked him several questions, which the Boy answered readily enough, and by that he understood that they took him up in those Clothes, and other rare matters if he would go with them, be ruled by them, and learn a few heard words; and so in conclusion mine Host found to his cost, that they were a company of cheats, who came to do that to him, he had done to others, and though his loss was great, yet he was forced to sit down contented; as for the Boy he being absolutely 145innocent, he was only turned out of the doors to seek his fortune. Thus, said Mistress Dorothy you see he had his bitter with the sweet, and to his sweet meat he had sower sawce; and although his loss was considerable enough, yet soon after he had another of worser consequence, and thus it was:

You must note, that it was now in the time of rebellion, and there was a small garrison of Souldiers quartered in our Town of the Round-heads Party, and about ten miles off there was another Garrison of Cavaliers. Now one day there came to our Town two Gentlemen very well mounted and armed, and they had a Pass from a round-headed Collonel our Neighbour, and coming to our Town, and enquiring for the best Inn, they were directed to our house, where they took up their Quarters; they pretended themselves to be Persons of Quality, and therefore spent pretty handsomely at the first, but in their stay there, which was about eight dayes, they had run five pounds on the score; mine Host desiring his money, they told him suddenly he should have it, moneys were coming to them, but if he had not the patience to stay until their money came, then (he knew) that they had two good Horses in his Stable, and he should in lieu of his money have which he pleased, at such a rate as any indifferent person should adjudg the best of them to be worth: mine Host seeing them answer him so fair, was as kind as they, and told them that he did believe them to be Gentlemen of quality, and that he scorned to undervalue them so much as to dismount them, and as they came on Horse-back to depart on foot, but that he had rather wait a while longer for the Money, which they said they staid for: they kindly thanked him for his courtesie, and promised him to requite it; and thereupon all Persons rested 146well satisfied, but no money coming at the time they said they expected, he again asked them for moneys; and indeed it was their desire that he should do so, or else the design they had in hand, and intended to carry on, could not be well executed; and therefore that they might bring their project to execution, they again offered him one of their horses; he had a great mind to one of them, having a Customer ready that would give him a very good price, told them that since they were so willing he was so too, and that they might possibly have their Horse again when their money came: it is all as one for that, replyed the Gentlemen, we had rather go without horses than you should be dissatisfied, and therefore choose which of the two you will have: they being both, said he good, I care not which of them, and to that end if you please to morrow we will all three ride out of the Town a mile or so, and then you may conclude which you like best, and as for the price we will well enough agree upon that; to this mine host consented, and the next day they all three mounted their horses, and away they rode, but to the great sorrow of us all, for these Gentlemen who had lain thus long in our house were Caveliers, and belonged to the adjoyning Garrison, and when they had drawn mine host with them as far as they could willingly perswade him, and that he offered to return, they then drew, and with Sword in one hand, and Pistol in the other, they came up to him and commanded him to stand, for he was their Prisoner, he asked them for what? and would have disputed the case with them but it was to no purpose; they were deaf to all perswations, and he living in a Round-headed Garrison they concluded him to be one, and therefore he was their lawful Prisonor, and as one they would guard him to their quarters; so they said, and so they did, and 147taking his Sword from him, they caused him to ride on apace, till they brought him to their Quarters; before their Commander they conducted him, who adjudged him to be a Prisoner, and the next day resolved on his Ransome, which he valued at a hundred pounds: the one half he ordered the Gentlemen should have, and the other to be devided among the indigent Souldiers? this was his doom: and now my poor Host was delivered into Custody; he writ away to his Wife to acquaint her with this doleful News, she could not raise so much Money, and therefore he was like to continue; but in the end, by the assistance of some Gentlemen who were Guests to the house and Caveliers, she got one half of the Ransome to be abated, and so the fifty pounds being sent, he was delivered up, and came home to chear his Wife and Family.

At the execution of a Felon several Cheaters meet, and seeing a Countrey-man draw a Purse of money resolve to cheat him of it, which they do first by a brass Chain, and afterwards by drawing him in to bet at Gameing. They were again cheated by mine Host, and the principal Cheat comically punished.

Mistress Dorothy here putting a stop to her discourse, we thereby understood she had finished, wherefore I thus discoursed her: truly now I find that to be true of your Host, which I have experimented in myself, and that we must meet with many rubs & misfortunes, but these were but trivial to him considering his great comings in, by his extraordinary gain in trading: that’s true replyed M. Dorothy, but as he had considerable 148gain, so he had many wayes to spend it, and many spenders, his Wife and Children being all as expensive as might be, and what was got over the Devils Back, was spent under the Devils belly: and therefore though much money went through his hands in a year, yet it went through, and little stuck there or staid with him, so that he was seldome Master of any considerable sum of money; and therefore it went hard to raise this sum of money, and some of his Plate was fain to march off to produce it; but that being paid and he come home, we were all well enough satisfied, and he told his wife this was most certainly the fortune of War, but he questioned not but in short time he would fetch it up again; as indeed he did in using those several ways I have told you of; and now I hope (said she) I have told you enough to satisfie your curiosity; truly, replyed I, you have taken a great deal of pains, but if you have any more in your budget out with them, for what you have hitherto related hath not only been pleasant but profitable, and very full of variety. Well, (replyed she) since you will have it so, I will proceed a little further, and recount some passages as considerable as any you have hitherto heard. There was (continued she) not long before this time a bloody murder committed, for an honest Country-man that lived about six miles from us, one market day was driving his Team of Horses and Cart loaden with Corn to our Town to sell, and being come about half way, he was met by a lusty tatterdemallion rascal that was on foot, travelling on the Road, he first asked the Countrey-man to give him something, telling him he was a poor Traveller and had been robb’d: quoth the Countrey-man, friend, I have nothing to give you, for I have no money, being now going to Market with this Corn to make money of it; the fellow 149seemed to rest contented with this answer, and thereupon walked on with the Countrey-man; but they had not gone far but the Devil entring into this fellow, perswaded him, here he might have a great prize, and therefore still walked on, he at length seeing the Road clear of Passengers, and a convenient place for him to put his purpose in practice, with a lusty Cudgel he had in his hand, he struck the poor Countrey-man over the Head, that down he fell a sprawling, and not content therewith, drew him a little out of the road, and in most cruel manner cut his throat; having this done, he seizes on the fore-horse of the Team, and leads him also with the Team and Cart out of the road to a convenient place, where he stops, and then drawing the body of the murthered Countrey-man to a Ditch-side, he there made a hole, and having strip’d him of all his clothes, buried him, and stripping himself of those Rags he had on, he putting on the Countrey-mans cloathes, buried his own with the Countrey-mans body; and having thus done, he lead the Team into the Road again; this was done one winters morning early before day; and so he had the conveniency to do all this without interruption, and now with Whip in hand, and habited like a Country-man, he drives on to our town to Market; he took up his standing at the usual place, and had the good fortune not to be questioned of any body, but enquiring how the rates of corn went, he accordingly sold his at a good price as any: and he not only made money of his Corn, but hearing there was a horse Fair that day at a Town but three miles off, and having dispatch’t betimes he drove thither and soon had a Customer for both Horses and Cart, and there he bought him a saddle horse to ride on, being thus fitted to his purpose, he was not long e’re he met with a company of Shirks and Cheats, who intending 150to chouse him, he was too crafty for them, and enters himself into their society, and by degrees became a Knight of the Pad, an obsolute High-way-man, but the Devil who had set him to work, was not long e’re he paid him his Wages, for he was pursued for a Robbery he had committed, and so narrowly followed that he was forced to take the water, to cross a River, he leap’d in on Horseback, but the Horse was soon drowned, and he narrowly escap’d to a little Island in the River, where he was still in sight of his pursuers, they getting a Boat came up to him, he being armed attempted to discharge a Pistol, but by reason the powder was wet, it would not off whereupon they coming nearer to him he drew his Sword, and though there were three in the Boat he kept them from landing, and being resolved to sell his life at a dear Rate, he kill’d one of them out-right, and wounded another, but now another Boat with more help coming he was in danger to be lost, wherefore putting his Sword in his mouth he again took the water, and swam away, and they after him, but length seeing it was in vain to resist he suffered himself to be taken, and bound, led away to the Justice, and thence to Prison, where he believing he must dye, grew some what penitent, and not onely confess’d the Fact he was then accused for, but among other mischiefs he likewise acknowledged the Murther, and Robbery I have told you off; and the Assizes being come, and he tryed, and confessing, he was condemned to be hang’d in Chains at the place where he committed the murther; this being not above a mile from our Town, at the day of Execution it drew most of the people out of it to see the end of this wicked wretch, who did somwhat penitentlypenitently, but his Penitence and Repentance did not work one jot upon others of his quality, who were there present; but as commonly 151one Wedding-feast begets another Wedding, so one Execution does usually produce another; and they who are Spectators at one Execution, in short time come to be executed themselves: whether there were any persons at this execution that did soon after take his turn, I know not, but I am sure there were present many Cheats, and Pick-pockets, and such sort of people, for our Town was that day pretty well throng’d with them. Among other practises that was used, this was one.

Two or three Cheaters going together saw a Country-man who had a Purse of money in his hand, they had observed him to draw it to pay for some Gingerbread he bought on the way; wherefore they closed with him, and endeavoured to nip his Bung, pick his Pocket, but could not, for he knowing he was in a dangerous place, and among as dangerous Company, put his Purse of money into his Breeches, which being close at the knees, secured it from falling out, and besides he was very sly in having any body come too near him. Our Practitioners in the Art of Thievery, seeing this would not do, set their wits a working further; and having all their tools about them in readiness, taking a convenient time and place, one of them goes before and drops a Letter, another of his Companions who had joyned himself to our Countrey-man, seeing it ly fairly for the purpose, sayes to him, Look you what is here! but although the Countrey-man did stoop to take up the Letter, yet the Cheat was too nimble for him in that, and having it in his hand, said, Here is somewhat else besides a Letter, I cry half, said the Country-man: well, said the Cheat, indeed you stoop’d as well as I, but I have it; however I’le be fair with you; but let us see what it is, & whether it is worth the dividing; & thereupon he breaks open the letter, & there sees a fair chain 152or neck-lace of Gold: Good Fortune (sayes the Cheater) if this be right Gold: how shall we know that, said the Countrey man? let us see what the Letter says, which being short and to the purpose spake thus:

Brother John, I have here sent you back this necklace of gold you sent me; not for any dislike I have to it, but my Wife is covetous and would have a biggar, this comes not to above seven pounds, and she would have one of ten pounds; therefore I pray get it changed for one of that priceprice, and send it by this bearer to your loving Brother, N.B.

Nay, then we have good luck (said the Cheater) but I hope, said he to the Countrey-man, you will not expect a full share, for you know I found it, and besides, if we should divide it, I know not how to break it in pieces, but I doubt it would spoil it, therefore I had rather have my share in money. Well, said the Countrey-man, I’le give you your share in money, provided I may have a full share; that you shall, said the Cheater, and therefore I must have of you three pounds ten shillings, the price in all being as you see, seven pounds. I, but said the Countreyman (thinking to be too cunning for the Cheat) it may be worth seven pounds in money in all, fashion and all, but we must not value that, but only the Gold, therefore I think three pounds in money is better than half the Chain, and so much I’le give you if you will let me have it: well content said the Cheat, but then you shall give me a pint of wine over and above; to this the Countrey-man also agreed, and to our town they came, and into our house, and there the Cheat had the three pounds, and the Countrey-man the Chain, who believed he had that day risen with his A--- upwards, because he had met with so good fortune. They drank off 153their drink, and were going away, but the Cheat not having yet done with him (intended to get the rest of the money from him) offered him his pint of Wine, which the Countrey-man accepted of; but before they had drank it off, in comes another of the same Tribe, who asked whether such a man, naming one, were there? no, (said the Bar-keeper,) our Cheater and Countrey-man sitting near the Cheat, asked of the enquirer, did you not ask for such a man? Yes, said the enquirer, why said our Cheater, I can tell you this news of him that it will not be long e’re he comes hither, for I met him as I came in; and he appointed me to come in here and stay for him: well, then I were best to stay, said the Enquirer: but (continued he) we were best to take a bigger Room, for we cannot stir our selves in this; agreed, said the Cheater, so the reckoning was paid, and they agreed to take a larger Room, leaving word at the Bar that if any enquiry were made for them, there they should find them; they went into another Room, and our Countrey-man having done his business would be going; no, said the Cheater, I pray stay and keep us company, it shall not cost you nothing; well, then said the Countrey-man, I am content to stay a little: they being now entred into their Room, call’d for a quart of Wine, and drank it off, what shall we do to spend time, said the last Cheater? for I am weary of staying for this man, are you sure you are not mistaken? no, said the other: one of them then pretends to walk a turn in the Room, and coming to the window behind a Cushion he pretends to finde a pair of Cards (which indeed he himself had laid there) look you here, said he to the Countrey-man and th’other, I have found some tools, now we may go to work, and spend our time, if you will play; not I, said the Country-man, I’le never play; then 154I will, said the other Cheat, but not for money: why then, said the other, for six pence, to be spent, and the Game Putt; they being agreed, and my Countrey-man being made Overseer of the Game, fell to playing, and the Countrey-mans first Acquaintance had the better of it, winning twelve Games to the others four: come, said he, what shall we do with all this drink? we will play two pence wet and four pence dry; to this the other agreed, and so they play’d, and at this low gaming the first Cheat had in short time won of the second ten shillings in money; the second seemed to be angry, and therefore proposed to play for all money, hoping to making himself whole again; nay, said the other, I shall not refuse your proposition, because I have won your money; and therefore to it they went, and the first Cheater had still the same luck, and won ten shillings more; then the other would play for twelve pence a Game, no, said the first Cheater, I am not willing to exceed six pence a Game, I will not alter what I have begun, lest I change luck, unless this honest Countrey-man will go my halves; I have no mind to Gaming, reply’d the country-man; you need not play said the other, I’le do that, and you see my luck is good, venture a Crown with me, you know both our lucke have been, and I hope will continue good; well, content, said the Countrey-man, and so they proceeded, still our first Cheat had good fortune, and he, and the Countrey-man won ten shillings a piece more of the other, which made them merry; and the other was mad; he therefore told them he would win the Horse, or lose the Saddle, and venture all now; and drawing out about thirty shillings; said, come take it all, win it and wear it; and so they played; but they had now drawn the Countrey-man in sufficiently, and he was flush; but it lasted not long thus, e’re he was taken 155down a button-hole lower, for the fortune changed, and all that he had won was lost, and forty shillings more: He was now angry, but to no purpose, for he did not discover their foul play, and he in hopes of his good fortune ventured, and lost the other forty shillings; and then he said he would go halfes no longer, for he thought he would be merry and wise, and if he could not make a winning, he would be sure to make a saving Bargain, which he reckoned he should do, because although he had lost four pounds in money, & given the Cheat three pounds for his share of the Chain, that yet he should make seven pounds of the Chain, and so be no Loser: they seeing he would not play, left off, and he that had won the money was content to give a Collation, which was called for, but our first Cheat pretending much anger at his Loss, was resolved to venture more; and to playing again he went, and in short time he recovered much of his losses; this angred the Countrey-man that he had not joyned with him, and in the end, seeing his good luck continued, and that he won, he again went halfs, but then it was not long that they thrived, but the Countrey-man was forced to draw his Purse, and in the end lose all his money, which was near twenty pounds: He did not think his condition to be so bad as it was, because he believed he had a Chain worth seven pounds in his Pocket, and therefore he reckoned he had not lost all. By this time several of the rest of the Gang (having been abroad, employed on the same account, Couzening and Cheating of others) now flocked all to our House, being the place appointed for their Rendezvouz, there they acquainted one another of their several Gains and Prizes; and then they fell a drinking, they drank about lustily for joy, and the Countrey-man for anger; and mine Host was called up to make one in 156the Company; he soon understood what kind of Guests he had, and how they had cheated the poor Country-man; and therefore he was resolved to serve them in the same kind; he therefore put forward the Affairs of drinking, and some being hungry call’d for Victuals; he told them he would get them what they pleas’d; and they being determined to take up their Quarters there, for that night, a Supper was bespoke for all the Company, such as mine Host in his discretion should think fit, he told them they should have it, and accordingly went down to provide Supper, he soon returnes and helps them to drink whilst Supper was dressing; by this time they were all perfectly drunk, he then commands up supper, and they fall too with a Shoulder of Mutton and two Capons, eat and drink hard, and call for more, he tells them it is coming, but they now having sate still a while were all fallen asleep, he makes use of this opportunity, and brings up half a dozen empty foul Dishes, or at leastwise full of bones of several fowls; as Pidgeons, Partridges, Phesants, and all the Remains of Victuals that had been left in the house that day; and strews and places some on their several Trenchers, and thus he leaves them. Some of them sleeping, and sitting uneasily fell from their Chairs, and so awaked themselves; and their companions being throughly awaked, they again fell to eating and drinking; some turning over the bones that were brought, said, How came these here, I do not remember that I eat any such Victuals? Nor I, said another, whereupon mine Host was call’d, and the question was asked him: why surely, Gentlemen, you forget your selves, said he, you have slept fair; I believe you will forget the Coller of Brawn you had too, that cost me six shillings out of my Pocket; how! Brawn! said one, I, Brawn said mine Host, you had it, and are 157like to pay for it; you’l remember nothing anon, this is a fine drunken bout indeed; so it is, said one of the Company; sure we have been in a Dream; but it matters not, mine Host, you must and shall be paid: Give us the other dozen bottles, and bring a Bill, that we may pay our Reckoning. This Order was presently obey’d, and a Bill brought, which in all came to seven pounds; and I verily believe he misreckoned them for meat and drink, the one half, and told them he used them very kindly; they were bound to believe him, and therefore every man was call’d to pay their shares; my Countrey-man shrunk behind, intending to escape, which one of the Company seeing, call’d him forwards, and said Come, We must tell Noses, and every man pay alike; the Countrey-man desired to be excus’d; and said he had no money; which they knowing well enough, at length agreed to acquit him. This done, they went to their several Lodgings to bed, and it was time, for it was past midnight, they all slept better than the Country-man, who could hardly sleep a wink for thinking of his Misfortunes, and having such good luck in the morning, it should prove so bad e’re night; But morning being come, he and they all arose, and the Countrey-mans money being all spent, he knew it was to no purpose for him to stay there; wherefore he resolved to go to the Goldsmith’s in the Town, and sell, or pawn his Chain, that he might have some money to carry him home: Being come to the Goldsmith’s he produced the Chain, which although at the first sight he thought to be gold, yet upon trial he found it otherwise, and that it was but brass guilt; he tells the Countrey-man the same, who at this heavy News was like to break his heart: The Goldsmith seeing the Countrey-man in such a 158melancholy dump, enquires of him how he came by it? he soon acquainted him with the manner, and every circumstance: the Goldsmith as soon understood the Cheat, and advises him to go to the Justice, and get a Warrant for him that had thus cheated him: and the Countrey-man telling him that he had no money, nor friend, being a stranger; he himself went with him to the Justice, who soon understanding the matter, granted his Warrant; and the Goldsmith procured a Constable to go with him to our house, where the first Cheater was apprehended, and carried before the Justice; who upon examination explain’d the Case, and finding the fellow guilty, ordered that he should be led to the whipping post, and there be whipped, and then be sent on a horse back, with his face towards the horsetail, and so led out of the Town; and withal, the Justice sent away the Constable to our house, to apprehend and bring the rest of the gang before him; but he came too late, for the Birds were flown, doubting some such matter; so that only the first Cheater suffered the punishment aforesaid; but I remember he was so impudent that when he came by our house on horseback, with his face to the horse tail, Ah, ha! said one, what is the meaning of this? nothing, said the Cheater, but that this horse is given me, and I am resolved to ride this way to make good the Proverb, that I may not look a gift horse in the mouth.

The Author relates a Story how he and six other Padders robb’d a Carrier of six hundred pounds, and that one of the company in consideration of an hundred pounds paid him by the Countrey where the Robbery was committed, owned the Fact, and thereby saved the Countrey (who were sued) from payment of the rest, and at length by their assistance gained his pardon. Also how a young Pick-pocket is put on by an old one, to cut an old womans Purse whilest she is at prayers in a Church-yard by a Tomb-stone; the Boy performs the Exploit, but is discover’d and shew’d by the old pick-pocket to the people, who coming to stare on the Boy had their Pockets pickt by the old one and his companions; And also how an old Padder being in danger to be hang’d for a Robbery, a young one for fifty pounds took the Fact upon himself, discharged the old one, and in the end came clearly off himself.

I Finding by Mistress Dorothy’s pausing that she was somewhat weary of her large Discourse, and being desirous to know the conclusion of her Adventures, desired her to refresh her self with a Cup of Wine which stood by us, and then we all three, viz., Mistress Mary, Mistress Dorothy, and my self, having drank off a quart of the best, I thus bespake her; Truly Mistress Dorothy, you have taken much pains in 204reciting these pleasant adventures that befel whil’st you liv’d in the Inn, and you must needs have very great experience by what you have related; for although I was well acquainted with knaveries and rogueries enough whilest I lived in England, yet all our adventures are very new, being such whose like I have seldom heard; and although I did follow the Padding-Trade, especially at that time when I had the good fortune at the first to meet with, and be acquainted with you, yet I seldom knew, nor indeed ever heard of the like escape that your six Padders had; it was a neat and cleanly conveyance: but lest you should be tyred with too long speaking, and that I might enable you the better to give us a full and exact account of the rest of your adventures, I will relate to you some of my former Adventures, and especially one, which was somewhat like that of your six Padders, and thus it was.

A stout gang of us who were Knights of the Road, were one time assembled together at an Inn, from whence we understood a good round Sum of money was to be carryed, and we only waited the departure and motions of the Pack-horses, that we might put our project in execution, the Sum was six hundred pounds, and we knew it was to be carried in a pack, but which pack and which horse was to carry it, we were ignorant of, and that we doubted would be a hindrance or at leastwise a trouble to our design; for the Carrier having such a charge of money was resolv’d to travel only by day light, and not in the night time, whereby if it should happen he were robb’d, he might not bear the loss; and we knowing this, and doubting that he would keep in as much company as he could, we fear’d it would be troublesome and dangerous to rob him of that money, unless we knew in what pack it was; for it would take up much time to cut up and examine all 205the rest of the Packs, which were near twenty in number; wherefore one of our Comrades made it his business to discover that matter, but although he was watchful, yet the Carrier and Owners were as shie, so that he could not possibly attain to his desires; wherefore he was resolv’d to under-feel the Hostler, who upon a little acquaintance and a Reward given him, and more promised if the project should take, engaged to give him a certain Token how he should know the Horse and Pack, and to that end directed him to wait the next morning early when the Pack-horses went out: Our Companion did so, sitting in a Drinking-room in the Yard where he could see all passages. The Horses being loaded, went out one after another, and the Moneyed-horse in the middle, when he came the Hostler lifted up his hand, and gave him a Clap over the Buttock, saying, Goe thy ways Dun, for thou wilt never be sold to thy worth: This was Item enough to our Companion to mark, and know what he had to do; so that the Horses being all gone, and he having dispatcht his drink, came up to us who attended him; And then he telling us that he knew how to execute our Design, and that he had knowledge enough, we rested contented, neither did we leave that Inn till noon, although the Carrier went out in the morning early, and this we did that we might not be suspected to have any design upon him, but soon after we had din’d we all mounted and away we rode. It was not many hours before we over-took the Carrier, or at least came near him, and then we sent one of the company to scour the Road, and discover in what condition the Carrier was in, and as occasion serv’d to come back to us and acquaint us; one hour before night he came to us, who were not far off, and told us, that then was the opportunity, for the Carrier 206had engag’d company all the while before, but now the night coming on, and the Company being to travel further than the Carrier, they had newly left him, and then he was alone, onely with his man and two or three passengers; we being eight in number, quickly made up to the Carrier, and one with Sword drawn and Pistol cock’d seiz’d on him, another on his man, and the rest of our Companions on the rest of the Passengers; he of our Companions that knew the Horse and Pack onely went to him, singl’d him out, cut his Girts, ripp’d up the Pack, and took forth the money, without medling with any thing else; we the rest of his Companions in the mean time had dismounted the Carrier, his man, and the Passengers, and having tyed their hands, we left them to shift for themselves, and six of us taking each of us a hundred pounds, and the other two riding one in the Van, and the other in the Rere, away we march’d, but at that rate that in two hours we were got thirty miles from the place where the robbery was committed, and we had so cross’d the Country to prevent discovery, that it was almost impossible to overtake or finde us. We took up our Quarters at an Inn where we were very well acquainted, and for joy of our purchase wanted for nothing that money could produce us, and there we spent some time in all manner of delights, till being weary of the place, and some of the Company having a desire to depart and separate, we accordingly did so; and one of our Companions who had occasion to ride that way where we committed this Robbery performed one of the boldest exploits that I have ever heard of, and thus it was.

He had an Uncle who kept an Inn in the Town near to the place where this Robbery was done, to whose house he came & was welcom’d; he pretended he was a 207Soldier, and was newly come from the Garrison at Bristol, and with such kind of imaginary Stories he discours’d his Uncle, and telling him the best news he could, and his Uncle likewise acquainted him with the news of the Town, and as the chiefest told him that there had lately been a great robbery done, for a Carrier was robb’d of six hundred pound, and therefore it being done in the day time, that Town must pay for it, and truely Cousin, said he, our Town hath been so mightily pestred with Soldiers that we are very poor and not able and my share comes to thirty pound of the money: but said our companion, can you not meet with the thieves? no replyed his Uncle; we have offered a hundred pound, to any that can discover them, but hitherto all hath been in vain. This was the Hosts discourse with his Kinsman, who very well knew he was one of the number; and a conceit came into his head, that it was possible that as he had got almost a hundred pounds already by this robbery, so he might get another whole hundred pounds; and therefore being resolved what to do, he thus discovered himself to his Uncle: it is now said he, three years since I left my Father, and ever since that I have led a troublesome life, so that I am almost weary of it; and it is not long since that for a misdemeanor I had done in our Garrison, I was condemned to be hang’d, but I thank my stars I escaped it, and being so near death and escaping, I soon after came acquainted with a cunning man, who telling me my Fortune, told me that I had lately escaped a danger, which I very well knew; and he withal added, that I should run into many other dangers, and should escape them; and that he was certain I was not born to be hang’d: and now therefore Uncle said he, I will once again tempt my fate, and being assured that I shall not be hang’d, I care not, 208if I may be ensured the hundred pounds you spake of, if I take upon me and own the Robbery; and I think it will be no difficult matter to do, for as I remember one of the Gentlemen Padders who did that feat was habited and mounted just as I am. His Uncle having heard his discourse, stared at him, and asked him if he were mad? no, replyed he, but if you will warrant me the money I’le undertake the matter: his Uncle seeing him thus resolved, began to consider a little more seriously of the matter, and told his kinsman, that if he would do the one, he would not only ensure him of the other, but also endeavour his pardon, and thereupon he sent for some of the Neighbors whom he might trust; and told them that there was a wild young man his kinsman, who would save them five hundred pounds, and told them the manner how, they were well enough satisfied with the proposition, and not only promised him the money which was agreed on, should be presently put into any friends hand, but also that they would undertake his pardon, or at least-wise a reprieve that he might sue out his pardon; this being agreed upon, they next proceeded in their discourse how this affair was to be managed, and after several propositions made, it was concluded, that as he came into the Town, so he should go out, and the next day he should re-enter the Town when the Officers who should be then appointed to search for suspitious persons should seize on him, and he should at the first deny the fact, but upon examination should so vary and waver in his discourse, that he should give just cause of suspition; they having agreed on this, and several other particulars, and the money being deposited in a young maidens hand, who was his Uncles Daughter; he took horse and privately left the Town. The next day the Officers of the Town being charged to keep 209strict watch, and search all suspitious places; they did so, and as they had been a little way out of the town, and were returning our Adventurer overtook them; who rides here says one, sure that man is cloathed just as the Carrier described one of the Padders were? he hearing them say this, made some stand, and offered to turn his back, they therefore imagining that he might be suspected, asked of him what he was? and came near to encompass him, he still withdrawing drew his pistol and fired at them, they then staring on each other, and seeing that none of their company was kill’d or wounded, were encouraged to make up to him; and although he drew his sword yet they being armed adventured upon him, and seizing on him, pull’d him from his horse back, he then asked them, what was the matter, and what they would have? they told him that he was a high-way man, and that they were very certain of, or else why did he shoot at them, and were glad they had caught him, he should pay for all the trouble he had put the Town to; some railed at him in this manner, whilst others disarmed him and bound his hands together, and then they led him away to the Town, where with great noise they carried him before their Justice of the peace; he strictly examined him and absolutely charged him with the former Robbery, advising him to confess, and inform against his companions, and then he told him he would endeavour to get him a pardon: our adventurer gave him the hearing of all, but denyed all knowledge of the robbery, but so faintly and with such faultering and uncertainties, that the Justice committed him to prison. In few dayes after the Carrier came that wayes, and he was conducted to the Thief, were after a light sight and discourse with him, he and his servant remembred him, and the Owner of the money was sent for who was also carried before the Justice; and there 210he, the Carrier and his Servant were all bound to prosecute the Felon, which was much in the vexation of the owner of the moneys, who expected the next assizes to have a tryal against the Town, and to recover his money of them, whereas now he saw he was like to lose that, and only have an Endictment against the Felon, when as if he should find him guilty, it would be a little satisfaction for such a sum of money as he had lost. And as he expected, and as the plot was laid, so it fell out; for the Assizes being come, an Endictment was brought in against our Delinquent, and although he buss’ld to defend himself, yet he was found guilty, and then he made an ingenious confession to the Judge of the manner of the Robbery, only concealing as much as he thought convenient, alleadging that indeed he was guilty, but it was his first fact, but he was drawn in by chance being overtaken on the way by the Robbers; he being coming to the Town to visit his Unkle, and therefore he pray’d mercy of the court, the Judge told him that if he would discover his companions somewhat might be done, but not else, he replyed, that truly he was not in their company, above eight and forty hours in all, and therefore knew not of their haunts, but if his honor would spare his life he would if ever he met them, cause them to be apprehended; to this the Judge made no Answer, so that our Adventurers Uncle presented a Petition to the Judge in behalf of his Kins-man, and the other Chief men of the Town pretending for his Unkles sake to do so assisted him in it, and they drew the Petition so pitifully, that the Judge at their importunity granted him reprieve for the present, leaving him to sue out his pardon as fast as he could: and thus all Parties were content except the owner of the moneys, who went away with a Flea in his ear: and our Adventurer so 211plyed his business, wanting for neither money nor friends, that in short time he gained his pardon, and he was set free: and I will add this further of our companion, that after this he turned honest man, for by virtue of the money he had gained in this robbery, and what was given him, he first set up an Ale-house, and soon after an Inn, and hath born all Offices in the Parish. And this story, said I, Mistress Dorothy, somwhat resembles yours, for your Thieves cheated the Country who paid the Knight what he had lost, and here on the contrary, the Country outwitted the Party rob’d, and saved their purses; and truly I have known several of these transactions, and sometimes the guilty escape, and the innocent are punished. And now, continued I, Mistress Dorothy: you see I am acquainted with these kind of stories and as I have already related one of a Padder, which do somwhat equal yours, I will now also tell you another of a Pick-pocket, which shall be much like yours of that nature, and thus it was.

A Crew of Blades of that Profession came to a Countrey-town on a market day, and finding there was little good to be done without some occasion to draw the People together more than ordinary, they therefore went to an Ale-house to consult on what was necessary to be done, and there after several debates held, it was concluded as follows, that whereas they had lately taken up a boy of about ten years of age, who was very desirous of learning their mystery, and whereas they had instructed him sufficiently in the theory thereof, that it was now time to put him in practice, and therefore the gravest man in the company was to walk out with him, shew him what he was to do and help him if he stood in need thereof, and the rest of the society were to be at hand to do as occasion should 212offer; this being agreed upon, the old fellow took the Boy by the hand, and leads him through the Market, but there was no probabillity of a prize; and the Boy having promised to do much, the old man sought out for some what that might be worthy his undertaking, and so going out of the market they entred the Church-yard and there they saw an old woman with a great pouch of mony by her side, kneeling by a Tomb-stone and doing her devotions: Our old fellow seeing this, said to the Boy, Sirrah, you see that old woman with the Pouch; yes Sir, replyes the Boy, go thither said he, and bring away her Purse and money; the boy was not at all daunted at the boldness of the undertaking, but went up to the woman, and so soon as he came near her, he likewise fell on his knees, and fell a mumbling as if he were also at his devotions; the old woman seeing him so devout, permitted him to continuecontinue by her, but he putting down one of his hands by virtue of a Knife and Horn-thimble cut off her Purse: The old man stood not far off and saw his carriage which was so cunningly contriv’d that he could not forbear laughing at it, but bethinking him of a further Design, he was resolved to discover the Boy, whereupon stopping some passengers that were going by, he said to them, I pray friends behold yonder Boy how devout he is, do you not think he will be a good one in time that is so religiously given already? yes surely, said the people, Oh the cunningness of the young Rogue! said the old fellow, and how much you are all mistaken for I have stood and seen that young Rogue cut the old womans Purse, and thereupon he went to his young practitioner in Roguery, and took him by the hand causing him to arise, and bringing him to the people, shewed them the Purse he had thus purchased; the old woman was not so intent at her devotions, 213but she casting her eyes aside likewise saw a Purse in the Boys hand, missing her own soon knew that to be it, wherefore she and all the people came nearer the Boy, who stood still as a stock and said nothing to them, and all the people, not only they that went by, but also at their report most of the people in the market came thither to see this young Rogue, admiring at the boldness of the fact, but they had been better to have staid away and minded their own Affairs; for our old Rogue seeing his opportunity, and that now there was a great many people together, he fell a diving into their pockets, and got good Pillage, and his Companions who were not far off at the noise came in to the sport, and all laid about them so lustily that there were few who escaped without their pockets being pick’d, onely the old woman had her purse again, but in exchange of that our old Rogue and his Companions had twenty others better fraught with moneys; in fine, they being weary with looking on the boy, & the Pick-pockets thinking they had done sufficiently for that time, the old fellow came to the boy, and told him that as he had first of all discovered him, so he should go along with him; the boy who had learned obedience to his Superiors, consented, and so they march’d off, and went a little way out of the Town to an Ale-house, where they divided the plunder of the field, which amounted to above twenty pounds. And thus having told my Tale, I said to Mistress Dorothy that I thought this was somewhat like her discourse of the Pick-pockets. She told me she must needs confess it, and that both my Tales exceeded hers, and therefore she desired me to remitt her promise of proceeding any further in her discourse; for, said she, I shall be able to acquaint you with nothing but what you know already; 214as for that, said I, I must hear the conclusion of your story, but since you seem to prove of what I have told you, I shall proceed a little further, and relate a Story to you somewhat like my first, and thus it was.

A High-way-man who had used the Trade for a long time, was at length catch’d, and the evidence was so clear against him that he was likely to be cast, and then he was sure to go to pot, for he had been singed on the Fist already, and the Judge who was to try him was very severe on that account; wherefore he was very melancholly, and much perplexed, and all the friends he had could not comfort him; however he was one day drinking with some friends in the Jayl, and telling them the sadness of his condition, and several ways were propounded for his safety; they told him that it would be best to compound the fact with the Prosecutor; I have offered that, said the Felon, and though I did not take above twenty pounds from the party, yet I have offered him fifty pound for composition if he will forbear prosecution; but he will not hear of any thing but the Law, and will make no end but what that shall, and if it comes to that, then I am certain sorrow will be my Sops; how, said one that was present, will he not take fifty pounds for twenty? sure he wants no money, for if he knew the want of it so much as I do, he would not make so slight of fifty pounds; but I pray, continued he, what is the reason he is so outragious against you? what is the cause of his violent proceeding? Truly, reply’d the Thief, it was my misfortune to be one of those two that met with him one night, and he having twenty pounds and a Watch about him we eas’d him of them, my Companion escaped, but I was seized the next night on suspition, 215and having besides my share of the twenty pounds the watch about me which we had likewise taken from him, it was as he said, a clear Testimony & evidence of the Fact, he earnestly enquired for the ring which my companion had for his share; & because I cannot help him to the ring he is thus obstinate, well then, I see said the other, you have confess’d the fact, & therefore there is no hope of saving you: truly replyed the Padder, I never yet confessed it to any one that I think will do me any prejudice, but much less to him; but instead of confessing I have always stoutly denyed it, alleadging that I bought the Watch that Evening of one in whose company I was; nay then, replyed the other, your case is not so desperate as I thought it, and how say you now, continued he, are you willing to be as good as your word, and give the fifty pounds you speak of to be discharged of this matter? yes with all my heart, said the Padder; well then said the other, if you will deposite the money into another mans hands that I may be sure of it when you are discharged I will undertake you shall be acquited; content, said the other, but I pray acquaint me with the manner how you will manage this affair; our Undertaker replyed, that he had considered of what was to be done, and was resolved so he might be sure of the money, to venture his own neck to save the others, and that he would take upon him the fact, and thereby discharge him. The Padder was content to part with his money, but withal he desired to have some cleer demonstration how he intended to manage the business; to which our undertaker replyed, it must be your care not to be tryed till the last day of the assizes, and then still deny the fact very stoutly, continuing your allegation that you did buy the Watch of a stranger, but one whom you knew if you again should see him, and then I must borrow 216your Clothes, and the Perriwig you wore when you committed the Fact, and then I purpose at that time not to be far from you; and when I see a convenient time I wil appear, & the manner shal be thus: I will attempt to pick a mans pocket, but I will do it so unworkman like, that if he be not a very Dolt he shall discover me, I being discovered must presently be brought before the Judge for the Fact, and when you see me there you shall cry out as amazed and surprized, that I am the very man of whom you bought the Watch, and you shall then see that although I deny it a little at first, yet I will at last confess my self guilty, and so you shall be discharged: This, said our Undertaker is my proposition, and now if you can contrive it better, do, and I will follow your directions. The Padder and all his friends were hugely well satisfied & pleased with the Undertakers discourse, and could not find any fault in any particular, wherefore their Agreement was quickly perfected, and the fifty pounds were delivered into the custody of one whom they both knew and entrusted, to be kept by him until the Padder should be discharged. Several persons then present asked of the Undertaker how he intended to come off himself? as for that, replyed he, I have it in my head, and I will venture that, and keep it safe enough too I hope: this business being thus agreed on they at present parted, and the Undertaker had the Clothes and Perriwig of the Padder delivered to him; and the Padder did put himself into a habit quite different from that; Thus Affairs stood when the Assizes began, which lasted two days, onely the first day was past, and our Padder had by his endeavours kept himself from being called; the second day was come and forenoon 217past, when in the after-noon this Cause was to be heard; the Judges servant were some of them gone out of the Town to make provision for their Master at another Town, whither he was that night to follow, so that there was a necessity for his removal; & then about three of the clock this prisoner was brought to the bar, his Indictment was read, which was for robing the Countrey-man, of 20l. in money, and a silver watch, and a gold Ring, to this the prisoner pleaded not guilty and so put himself upon his tryal, according to the ordinary form; then was the Countryman called, who did alledge that the prisoner at the Bar was the party, who with another his companion did rob him as aforesaid; the prisoner denyed the fact, and desired the Judge to ask his accuser what habit he was then in, to this the Countrey-man replyed, that indeed his habit and hair were then different from what he now had, but that was an easie thing to alter, but he was sure he was the man, for he had his very watch in his pocket, to this the prisoner replyed as formerly, that he bought it of a person who indeed was habited as the Country-man had described. He was come to this part of his tryal when a noise was heard in the Court of crying out a pick-pocket, a pick-pocket, and soon after our undertaker was haled into Court; the Judge seeing him, said, Sirrah, how durst you be so bold? I shall talk with you by and by, set him by at present; the prisoner at the Bar seeing it was now a fit time, cryed out, O my Lord! I pray let him stay here now, for indeed my Lord that is the very person of whom I bought the watch, and whose just fate hath brought him hither at this time, that my innocency may be cleared, therefore I beseech you my Lord, let him be examined, and I question not but you will soon find my innocency. The 218Judge hearing the exclamations of the prisoner, and supposing there might be somewhat in the case, and withal being desirous to execute justice caused the Undertaker to be brought to the bar, and then he thus began: now, you who are the prisoner at the bar, and upon your tryal, what do you say to, or charge this man with; my Lord replyed the padder, I say and alledge that this Person who now stands here by me, is the very person of whom I bought the watch, and I gave him fifty shillings for it, let him deny it if he can, and my Lord I further say, that I suppose he is the person who committed the robbery, for he is habited just as this Country-man described one of them to be: what say you to this: said my Lord to the Country-man, truly my Lord, said he, I am somewhat at a stand, for indeed one of those who robb’d me was habited as this fellow is, pointing to the undertaker, but I finding my Watch in the custody of this other did verily believe and was very confident that it was he that robb’d me, but I must leave all to your Lord-ship and the Jury: Now, you Sir, said my Lord to the undertaker, what say you for your self? did you sell a Watch to this man here? my Lord, replyed he, I have never a Watch, no, I know that now, said my Lord, but did you not sell a Watch to this man? my Lord said the undertaker, I am an honest man, that’s a sign of your honesty, when you pick a pocket in my presence, my Lord it is a mistake, replyed the Fellow; I believe, said my Lord, we shall not be mistaken in you by and by, having thus said the Watch it self was produc’d, and shew’d to the undertaker; and he was asked if he knew it, yes, my Lord, said he, I had such a watch as this; and where had you it? I know not said the undertaker: at this the Padder cryed out, O my Lord, he hath said 219enough to discharge me and accuse himself, for he ownes he had the Watch, and I am sure I bought it of him, therefore good my Lord do me Justice? acquit me, and punish him; all in due time said my Lord, we must not condemn him before he be lawfully indicted, but I think he hath confess’d enough against himself, and therefore he shall be committed, and since I cannot stay now any longer he shall be indicted the next Assizes, till then he must lye by it and have time to repent: but I pray my Lord, said the Padder, let me be discharged; I cannot discharge you reply’d my Lord, now you are upon your tryal, except the Jury find you not guilty: I put myself upon them, said the Padder, whereupon the Jury only asking the Undertaker some questions which he doubtfully answered, the Jury gave their Verdict, Not guilty, and thus was the Padder discharged, but however he was bound to come in evidence the next Assizes against the undertaker, and so was the Country-man, but he had been better to have taken fifty pounds than thus to have troubled himself about the Ring, for in the end he lost all, and no hanging was in the case; for when the next Assizes came, and our Undertaker was indicted, the Tale was now of another Hogg, he denyed all knowledge of the Watch, and as he had owned any thing before, he now again denyed it, bringing witnesses to prove where he was at that hour, and all the time of the robbery, and saying, he told them it was a mistake the last time, that he was then only surprized; and indeed he spake so well, and to the purpose, that he was acquitted of the robbery, and only whipt a little for picking the pocket, and so he march’d off with fifty pounds; and the Padder who did not appear at the Assizes as witness against him, let the recognizance go against him, leaving the law to find him where they could catch him.

Two notorious Rogues robb’d a Church by the help of two Fryers habits they had murther’d; afterwards they robb’d a Merchant of Silks, Plate, &c. By a notable stratagem they laid for the purpose in an Inn next adjacent, they ransack’d a Linnen-drapers Shop in the night by conveying a boy into it being enclos’d within a supposed Bayl of Goods, who proved the Key to let them in to perfect their design; by counterfeiting a Gentlemans key, they stole from him six hundred Crowns, and murdering him flead his face that he might not be known, but were notwithstanding by a miraculous providence discovered and executed, who being penitent at their death, confest many notorious villanies. A notable trick a Gentleman puts upon a Pick pocket.

Thus (continued Mistress Mary) did this Gentleman finish his two stories of the Cloak, and the piece of Plate. I told him I wondered at the boldness of those French men, and that they exceeded our Countrey men in confidence; yes, (said he) if you knew so much as I, you would have reason to say so, for it is a usual thing for them to seize Gentlemen if they can light upon them in any convenient place: and carry them some miles out of the Town, and make them pay money for a ransom, neither dare they contradict it lest worse befal them, and they are bloodily minded, for if they cannot get money, they will do any murder. Not far from Paris, continued he, two of these Rogues had been hunting for Prey, and because they could not meet with any purchase, they were resolved rather than fail to commit some murder; the next that met them were two Fryers, these having no money to redeem their lives they dispatched into the other world, and having so done, they stript them; and put on their Fryers weeds; being thus habited they march’d further into the Country, and coming late to a Countrey-town, went to the Parsons house, who entertained them; as they came in late, so they went out early, pretending necessary occasions, and the Parson not being up nor willing to rise so soon, they desired the Key of the Church (which was adjoyning to the house) that they might go it to do their devotions before they went? the Key was accordingly delivered, and they went in, but instead of saying their prayers, they made a prey of what they met with, the silver Chalices, and all the Ornaments of the Church they took with them, and so went on their wayes to do more mischief, but not having the conveniency to execute their designs in the habit they were in, they therefore went to the place where they had hid their own, and there putting them on, they march’d to Paris, where they walked about the City to espy what mischief might be done; being now both weary, hungry, and thirsty, they went into a drinking house, which being full of Guests below, they were conducted up one pair of stairs, and there they had both victuals and drink such as they desired, when their bellies were full, their eyes did wander about the Room, to see if they might espy any thing to make a purchase of; but although they could see nothing in that room, yet they could discern that in the house opposite to them, there was much rich Goods, fine Silks, and Sattins; their fingers itch’d to be handling of them, but at present they knew 235not how, however resolving that they would attempt it, but not finding any means how at present to do it, they therefore were resolved to try if they could take up their Quarters at the house they were drinking in, and then they did not question but they should in short time find out some means to execute their Design, having taken this resolution, they therefore call’d for more drink, and their Landlords company, and being frolick, and expensive, that they might be accounted good Guests, they asked of the Landlord whether they might not have a Lodging there? he believing it would be to his profit, told them they might, but they must lodge one pair of Stairs higher; they were well enough content with that, and therefore drank on till it was night, and then to bed they went; and laid their plot how to rob this Merchants house, which they did in few days after: In order to which Design of theirs, they went out and purchased Ropes, and a Pully, and seeing a large Chest to be sold at the second hand, they likewise bought that, and putting in their Ropes and Pully, and a great quantity of Raggs and stones, and such like Trash, that it might seem heavy, they caused it to be carried to their Lodging: Their Host seeing so large a Chest, and so heavy, did believe that his Guests were rich, and that a considerable quantity of Treasure was therein enclosed, and therefore gave them a greater respect than formerly. They every day when they went out, carried out part of the Rubbish which they had bestowed in the Chest, so that in short time it was empty, or at least, nothing but the Ropes and Pully was in it: They only now waited for a convenient opportunity to execute their design, which they considered must be done when both the houses, as well that where they lodged, as the Merchants house they intended to rob, were 236empty; and no day was so likely to leave them so, as a Sunday; wherefore that they might have the better pretence for staying at home, they both pretended some indisposition in their bodyes, for which they said they thought it convenient to take Physick, they had been so good Guests to the house, that the Host was willing to accommodate them in anything; however, when he and his Family went to Church, they lock’d the Street-door: No sooner was that house clear, but they were resolved to attempt the other, and knowing that the Master and Mistress, and most, if not all the Family, was likewise gone out, they were resolved to kill the rest, if they found any single person that should oppose them: They intended to make their way into the house by going down the chimny, and therefore they had provided Ropes and a Pully, and there was no great difficulty to get to the house top, for they ascended to the Garret of their Landlords house, got out of the window to the top of that, and the other house joyning to that, to the street side, they soon got to the Chimny they intended to descend. The house where they lodged, and this Merchants house were joyned together in the Front, but backwards there was an Ally of about six foot wide that seperated them, and a cross this Ally it was that they first saw the Room wherein the Silks were placed; they being gotten to the Chimny’s top, laid a piece of Timber across, and fastening their Pully to that, and putting their Rope in the Pully, the one who was to descend the Chimny, took hold of one end of the Rope; and his companion holding another part of the Rope, by degrees he was let down into the Room he desired: It was two pair of stairs below the Garret, and in regard the Silk might be soild and spoil’d if they were drawn up the chimny, they did not take that 237course but a more easie one, for he that was on the house top, went into their lodging the same way he came up, and going down into the Chamber that was even with, and opposite to that where his Companion was, he opened a Casement, and his Companion doing the like, they could without much difficulty reach to one another, and so in short time the richest, and best of the Merchants Silk was conveyed into their Quarters. Our Thieves seeing they had gained this prize with so little danger and difficulty, were resolved to get more if they could; and therefore he that was in the house ransack’d it all over, and finding a considerable quantity of Plate and money, he likewise conveyed it to his Companion; and now having done all this, he went into the Shop, intending to leave the street door open, that the Merchant when he came home might suppose that the thieves who had robb’d him did come in that ways, but the street door was double lock’d, and therefore it could not be opened, wherefore he undid the bolts of one of the Shop windows, and leaving it loosely open, he went up agen, and telling his Companion what he had done, and that there was no more to be done, he ordered him to go to the house top, and as he had assisted in letting him down the Chimny, so to help to draw him up, which the other did accordingly. There was one scruple came into their minds, that although the Shop-window was opened, and the Merchant might reasonably enough imagine that the Thieves who had robb’d him, had come in that way, yet they were very sensible, that with descending and ascending the Chimny they had thrown down much soot, which might cause a jealousie, that they who robb’d the house might come in that way, and so they might be discover’d; wherefore to prevent all such 238suspition as much as they could, they tumbled down two or three Brick-batts that lay on the top of the Chimny, which might be supposed to be blown down by the wind; and having thus done they retired to their Quarters, disposing all their Silks, Money, and Plate unto their Chest, and that there might be the less suspition of them, the Landlord soon returning, one of them pretending to be very ill, and the other very dilligent in attending his Companion; their Landlord furnished them with strong waters, and such other cordials as were at hand; and the Merchant coming home found his Shop-window open, and his house robb’d, it being so apparent as he thought that the Robbers came in, or went out at the Shop-windows; he had no suspition of any other contrivance, all that he could do, was, to have all suspitious places search’d, his neighbours house escaped, being too near home to be suspected: the host only thinking he had escap’d a danger being so near, and telling them that it was not good to leave a house empty, and although all his folks went with him to Church, yet he had left two honest Guests in his house, and besides they were locked in fast enough. Thus, continued the Gentleman, was this Robbery committed, and they who were guilty went away unsuspected. The next day they conveyed part of their purchase away to a place where they hid all their prizes, and by degrees getting the most part away, they continued not long in those Quarters, but made another Remove. These fellows were notable cunning Rascals, and had so many ways to bring in Purchases, that they gathered much goods together, but covetous of more still attempted further Projects, till in the end they were caught and deservedly punished.

The next Project they had (said the Gentleman) 239was this, they had a boy who oftentimes served and assisted them in their undertaking, and he was now very useful; for one day intending to steal, they pretended to buy some Linnen cloath; and a conceit coming into their heads, they did buy some considerable quantity; they left it at the Drapers where they bought it, paying a small matter of money in part at present, promising to come the next day and fetch it away, and pay the rest of the money: the next day they came and brought a Porter with them loaden with a Bayl made up, as they said, of Woollen-cloath which they said they had bought, and intending to send that, and what they had bought of him into the Countrey, the Carrier was gone before they came, and therefore they could not send away either till the next day; when, they said, another Carrier was to go to the place they intended to send to; and therefore they desired the Shop-keeper to let them leave that Bayl of Cloth in his Shop till the next day, when they intended to fetch them both. They having been Customers to the Shop, he did not refuse them so small a courtesie, but permitted them to set it in a convenient place in the Shop; but his entertaining of that Bayl of Cloth, was almost as fatal to him as the Trojans entertainment of the wooden-horse; for at midnight when the Draper was asleep, these Rogues were wakeful, and having conveyed this Roguish Boy I told you of, into this Bayl, which they pretended was Cloth, he taking out his Knife cut his way through, so that he came out the Bayl, and not finding the Key of the Shop-door, he opened the Shop-windows and did let in his two Masters, who waited there for that purpose; they being within the Shop were not idle, but having seen by day-light where the finest Cloth was plac’d they now removed it, and breaking open a Desk 240wherein they had observed the Draper did put his money, there they found four hundred French Crowns, so taking that money, and as much of the finest Cloth as they could carry, they march’d off; neither did the boy stay behinde, but leaving an empty Bayl covered with Canvas, and stuff’d round about with Cotton, he also loading himself, went with his masters, the same way he had let them in, and so they carried this purchase to the rest. The next morning the Draper, and his Servants were soon sensible of the Robbery, and seeing the hole cut in the Bayl, they quickly discovered the manner how, but it was such a Novelty as had not been heard of; and he was forced to rest himself contented with his loss, for notwithstanding all his endeavours, he could not for the present hear of his Customers, who indeed were safe enough in their Quarters. These Rogues who now had money enough put themselves in a gentle habit, and kept company with the best, but still they waited to do all the mischief they could, and to that end they ingratiated themselves into the company of Countrey Gentlemen, such as were best acquainted with the Customs and Humors of the Town; many they met with, and few escaped them, but that they either got them into play, cheated them, or pick’d their pockets or made some other prize of them: Among others they met with a young Country-Gentleman, who had been unfortunate enough already, for he having had a quarrel about a mistress, and fighting with his Rival, had the Fortune, or Misfortune rather, to kill him; Divine vengeance seldom misses to pursue, and overtake those who are guilty of murther; & although these kind of murthers, which are the most excusable, being as they term them, fairly done, pass rather for pieces of gallantry 241than otherwise; yet some great misfortune always attends them, as I have observ’d by several Precedents, but more especially by this Gentlemans misfortunes; for no sooner had he made his Enemy to fall in the place where they had fought, but he was forc’d to fly away for his own safety, doubting else he might fall in to the hands of Justice; he therefore with all speed retired to a place, six miles from thence, where he had fought, to a friends house, and not thinking himself safe, being there provided with money enough for a long journey, he travelled on towards Paris, being a place whose large Circuit, and number of inhabitants might hide him from all pursuers; in his way thither he was met by Thieves, who attempted to rob him, but they being but two and he valliant enough, as he thought to oppose them, drew and defended himself, he here likewise had the fortune to cause one of them to drop down by him, which the other seeing, fled, but not so far but that he soon returned with three more in his company; The Gentleman seeing this, and doubting that now he should not onely be robb’d of what he had, but also believing that they would kill him to revenge their fellow; he therefore takes one Purse of money and threw it into a Hedge near him, hopeing that if he did escape, he might have that for a reserve. By this time the thieves were come up to him, and all drew upon him, he (knowing that odds did overcome Hercules and might do him) therefore told them, that if it were his mony they wanted, he would deliver it to them; although they were very angry for the loss of their Companion, yet it being money that they came for, they accepted of that; he giving them another Purse of money which he had about him; but in regard they had suffered so great a loss as the death of 242one of their Companions, they stripp’d, and ty’d our young Gentleman, and taking away their Companion with them, they departed. He lay not long there but was unty’d, and reliev’d by some Passengers, who furnished him with an old Coat, and he taking up his Purse of money, where he had laid it, went along with them to the next Town; there he furnished himself with Cloaths, and so travelled on towards Paris; but before he came thither, he was again met with by Thieves, who then robb’d him of all his money; so that when he came into the City he was in a sad condition, being a Stranger, moneyless, and friendless: however these last Thieves being so civil as to leave him his Cloaths, he took a lodging in a convenient place of the Town, and presently sent away to his friends, acquainting them with his misfortunes, and desiring them to send him more money: Although it was a great way he had to send, yet in a little time he received an answer according to his expectations, and although till then he was forc’d to run on the Score, and keep house, yet now he honestly paid his Host, and putting himself in a very good Garb, he now went abroad, & light into the company of our two thievish Rogues who dealt Roguishly with him; for perceiving him to be a stranger, they took him up, and became his companions; and that they might be able to do him the more mischief, they so far ingratiated themselves into his company, as to take a lodging where he lay, and then finding that he was pretty well furnished with moneys, they tryed several ways to get it from him, they tempted him to gameing, but he was not guilty of that hazardous vanity, and would not play; he carried but little money in his pocket, but he left the rest in his Trunk which was also lock’d up in his Chamber; and the 243Landlord of the house being an honest man, was very careful of it; however they were resolved to be Masters of it by one means or other: but they delayed it a while longer by an occasion that fell out; he had written for more moneys, intending to pass from France into the Low-countreys; and thereupon a Letter came one day to his hands, which acquainted him, that within fourteen days he might receive six hundred Crowns of a Merchant in Paris, to whom a Bill of Exchange was directed; this Letter he dropt by accident, and one of these Rogues met with and read it, but knowing that it would advantage him nothing to keep it, he soon gave it to the owner. He acquainted his Companion with the News, and how he did believe that the Gentleman would, when he received that money, bring it home to his Lodging, wherefore they would stay until that time & then they would rob him of it all; this resolution they both continued in, and that he might not distrust them in any particular, they kept him company very much, seldom permitting him to be in any other company; they also carried him abroad with them to several of their friends, who treated him very well for their sakes: In the mean time, they being often with him in his Chamber, one of them took the Key out of his Chamber-door, and making an impression of it upon Wax, put it in there again; his Companion keeping our Gentleman company in the mean time: The fourteen days being come, he went and received his money, and bringing it home lock’d it up in his Trunk; And now being furnished with money, he was resolv’d to fit himself with Clothes, and proceed on his intended Journey; but he was prevented; as I shall presently tell you, for these two Rogues having now got the key of the Chamber-door made, and 244having tryed it, were resolv’d to delay no longer, but catch the Birds before they were flown, as they would be in few days, if they did not prevent it; for this cause they invited him one evening to go out with them to supper, he distrusting nothing went with them, where was better cheer than Company, for all the Entertainers were as very Rogues as these two, however they treated him very civilly, and after supper fell to drinking, he being desirous to return to his lodging, requested his companions to be going; but they knowing it was yet too early to execute their Design; desired him to stay longer, and so long as he had their companies, they told him he would be safe enough; he seeing them resolv’d to stay, was content, and so they drank on till about eleven of the clock at night; and then, he not being willing to stay longer, they agreed to go with him; and to the end they might not be stopp’d by any Watch, they agreed to go a back-way, which was somewhat about; this they pretended was the reason of their going that way, but it was indeed, that those who were his entertainers, and who were to assist them in their Enterprize might by going the nearest way, meet them; which accordingly they did, for at the place appointed by all, but our Gentleman, they met, and pretending themselves drunk, jostell’d one another so, that their swords were soon drawn, and they assaulted one another, our Gentleman seeing that those who met them were but four, and he and his Company were three, did not question but he might have the better on it, or at least defend himself, and therefore being perfectly valiant, he so prosecuted one of the two who assaulted him that he laid him at his feet; the rest thinking that those two who assaulted him would have performed their Enterprize well 245enough had hitherto only plaid with one another, in clashing of their swords, but now seeing one of their Companions fall, and doubting more mischief, they all four, as well those whom he thought were his friends as those whom he knew to be his Assaylants, left their jest and fell all upon him in earnest, and he being thus over-match’d, was soon kill’d. The Rogues who were left alive, seeing him, and one of the Companions dead, knew not what resolution to take, but after a short consultation, they resolved to carry off their dead Companion, and leave the other there; but the two who were his Companions, fearing he might be known before they had finished their Project, and they might be prevented; they therefore drew their Knives, and like bloody Butchers fley’d all the skin from the poor Gentlemans face, and so taking the Key of his Trunk out of his pocket, and all his Letters, that they might leave nothing about him to cause him to be known; they and their Companions parted: the two Rogues went home to their Lodging; where when they were let in, they were asked where the Gentleman their Companion was? they reply’d, they left him presently after they went out; and this answer serv’d for the present: they then went into their own Chamber, but soon after with their false Key they got into his, and opening his Trunk they took out all his money, and lock’d it up in a Trunk in their own Chamber; and this being done, they went to Bed: The next morning they went out, and carried the money with them to the place where all their other Treasure lay; returning again, intended to get away all their other things that were of any value, in the Trunk; purposing to be gone, and leave that behind them, for they knew it would cause suspition if they remov’d Trunk and 246all, so suddenly; in their removal of their money, they had carelessly left their counterfeit-key of the Gentlemans Chamber-door in their Chamber-window, wherefore the Landlord coming in there, and seeing a Key, which although it was new yet he believed he had seen it, or one like it; he therefore comparing some other Keys with that, found that it was like the Key of the Gentlemans Chamber-door; he therefore try’d it, and found that it would open it as well as the other: he was in some kind of amaze to think of this, and the Gentleman not coming home, he began to suspect that all was not well: About noon he went in again into the Gentlemans Chamber, and knowing that he had lately received a considerable Sum of money, which he believ’d he had put in his Trunk, he therefore lifted up the Trunk in his hand to poize it, and feel if it were heavy; but it was light enough; they having already taken out all the money; he having set it down again saw lying by it a pocket-handkerchief, which, he being now grown curious, dilligently looked for the Marks of it, which he found not to be marked with the two Letters of the Gentlemans name, but two others, which were the name of one of the others: These things raised further scruples in his minde, wherfore he was resolv’d to observe his two Guests with a more curious eye; and one of them soon after returning, he watch’d him, and saw that he went to his Trunk, and made up a Bundle which he carried out; no sooner was he gone out, but he heard the report which had gone about the Town all that day; that a Gentleman in such a place was barbarously murthered, and was so much a Stranger that no body knew him; the Landlord hearing this, his heart leap’d and he was in a very great perplexity, so that he could hardly stand on his leggs; so soon 247as he was come to himself he took a Neighbour with him, and went to the place where the Gentleman lay murthered: It was to no purpose to think to know him by his face, for that was quite disfigured; his skin being fley’d off; but although his Cloathes were bloody, yet he could by them know that it was his Guest, who lay there murthered; he then told his Neighbour what were his thoughts, and withal, that he believ’d he knew the Murderers, and thereupon having acquainted him with all his Doubts and Jealousies of his two other Guests; he and his Neighbour both were of the oppinion that they had hand in this Murther, and therefore they hasted home to see what might be further discovered; Just as they came in, one of the two went out with a bundle under his arm, which the Landlord seeing, he caused one to follow him, and dilligently to observe all he did. He that was sent was so careful, that he soon after returned, and told him, that certainly there was some matter of great consequence between his two Guests, and three others, who were dividing and telling of moneys, and he heard one of the two say; that now all was well, for he had brought off every thing, and intended to go no more; where are they? said the Landlord; they are at such a house, naming it, said the Messenger: but I followed your Guest to another place first, where he left the parcel he carried out, and waiting some time, he came out of that house, which was a private house; and went to the other, which was a Victualing-house; I, said he, following him thither, was permitted to go in there, as he did, to drink; he went to his Companions, and I took a Room next adjoyning; where I heard, said he, what I have told you, and several other discourses, which makes me think, that these persons have lately been upon some Design; but what, I cannot at present 248imagine. But I can, reply’d the Landlord, I doubt, what I have imagined is true; wherefore Neighbours, said he, what is best to be done? I pray advise me; they told him the best advice they could give him was to go to the Magistrate, and acquaint him with what had happened; he did so, and they at his request went with him; being come before the Magistrate, the Landlord told him, that not long since a Gentleman came to his house to lodge, and soon after him, two more who being well acquainted together, went out (said he) to supper; the two returned home; but it was somewhat late, and the third not coming home, raised in me some suspition, which hath fallen out too true; for, said he, the poor Gentleman is barbarously murdered, and lies in such a place, I have been to see him, but, although I cannot know him by his face; for they have fley’d off the skin, yet I believe it is he by his Cloathes; and, continued he, I very much suspect my other two Guests are guilty of the murther, for I have found a false Key of the Gentlemans Chamber-door in their Chamber: and so he proceeded in telling the Justice all the particular observations he, and the person he had Sent, had made: the Justice was of their oppinion, that these two men had murthered the third; and therefore sending for Officers, and a Guard, sent immediatly to the place where they were all together, and securing them, they were brought before him, he examined them severally, and so finding them in Several Tales, he gathered so much from their Examinations and Confessions, that he found them guilty; and then being inform’d that one of them had left a parcel at a private house; he caused that place to be search’d, and there was found a great deal of wealth and goods; there was the Merchants Silks; the 249Drapers Cloth; the Challices, and other Church utensils, and the two Fryars weeds, and much other goods, Commodities, and Disguises; all which was seized on, and the report of this murder, and the other particulars, running about the City, it came to the ears of the Merchant and Draper, and many others who had been lately robb’d; and they coming, knew and owned their Goods. Our Rogues who were now fast enough for commiting any more Roguries, and seeing that they were discovered, for they were told of all things that had hapned; now saw it was to no purpose to deny those several facts that would be too plainly proved against them; wherefore they confess’d all this that I have told you of, and several murders they have committed, among others that of the two poor Fryars; and robbing the Church, wherefore the Parson, and the Church-wardens of that Parish hearing of this confession, came to Paris, and the Felons executed, they and the Merchant, and Draper, and all others whom they had robb’d of any thing, had their goods returned them; and thus said the Gentleman, was the end of these wretches; and I came to be thus particularly acquainted with this story, because when I was at Paris, I lodg’d at the same house where they had done, and my Landlord acquainted me with all these particulars.

The Gentleman having finish’d his discourse, said Mistress Mary, I told him that these two were cruel, and bloody minded Thieves, and that I did not care for hearing any such stories, for that I was much troubled, and methought sensibly concerned in his relation; he replyed, that indeed this was bloody and horrible, but that it was usual to have such murthers committed in Paris; and that very frequently, and continued he, both the Thieves and Pick-pockets, are 250far more cruel and bold than in England; and although I have given you examples of both, yet I could tell you many more, and enlarge very much upon this Subject, for it is usual for Pick-pockets there, to perform their work in an extraordinary manner, for they are furnished with Arms, and Hands made with Wax or Wood; and by vertue of these, they will frequently and without suspition, pick pockets in the Church; for they will hold two hands with a true Arm, and a false one, that is an Arm of Wax or Wood up, and in their hands they will hold a book and seem to be busily employ’d in turning over leaves, at their Devotions, when as the third Arm and hand is picking of pockets; and People standing by, nay, the Parson himself whose pocket is pick’d, will have very little cause to suspect him that does it: also if they get a man out of the way, and are minded to rob him, they will put a piece of Iron or Brass into his mouth, like unto a Pear, which they call a Choak-pear; and that properly enough; for the party who hath it in his mouth, endeavouring to get it out cannot, for there being a Spring within it which forceth it open, it is impossible to get it out without a Key to it, which they have; therefore they who put this Choak-pear into the mouths of any, after they are first robb’d of what they have about them, they are told, if they intend to be rid of that Pear, they must go and fetch more mony, which they must bring to a place they appoint, or else they are like to chew upon the Pear, without any other Victuals, which is like to be hard Dyet to them. But continued he, I shall tell you one of these wax or wooden-handed-fellows, and so conclude.

A Gentleman having had his pocket several times pick’d of moneys and Watches, was much troubled 251and resolv’d if possible to find out, and catch one Pick-pocket that should pay for all; wherefore he advises with a Smith, an ingenious fellow of that quality, to make him a band of Iron or Steel, with some prickles about the side of his pocket, and a spring towards the bottom, which when it should be touch’d, would cause the band of Iron or Steel, at the top to close together, so that if a Pick-pocket should come there, it would catch and hold him fast by the hand: this he had made to his desire, and then he went to the next Assembly, which was at a tryal of causes, and it was not long e’re his project took; he heard his Engine discharge, and the fowl was caught; he knew which Pocket it was, and therefore lookt on that side one stood with hat off, and both his hands were upon his Hat, which were held up as high as his face; he therefore wondring whose hand he had caught, and seeing the man in that posture, doubted that his Engine had deceived him, and had given false fire, but putting his hand towards his pocket he found a hand there, which was in vain strugling to get out; wherefore that he might know who this hand belonged to, he got out of the press of people, and the man who held his Hat in that posture went with him; when they were gone a little to the one side, the poor fellow cryed out; I pray Sir, let me have my hand; how! replyed the Gentleman, I see you have two already, and therefore if you have a third, you may well spare me that to guard my pocket for the future: the fellow saw that he was caught, and therefore replyed to the Gentleman; truly Sir, it is but a tryal of skil, a new invention, and I hope you will not be angry with a piece of ingenuity; but if you are, rather than fail, if you please to let me go, and not discover me, ile give you 252any satisfaction; what security shall I have for that said the Gentleman? all that I can give, said the Diver; and thereupon he drew out a purse of money from his own pocket, which it is like had an another owner but lately, but now it helped to make his composition, for the Gentle-man and Pick-pocket going to the Tavern they clapt up an agreement; he not only receiving satisfaction for what he had formerly lost, but also discovered to him the Nature, Use, and quality of a Wooden hand.

Mistress Mary continues the story of the young Gentleman; relates how a Cheat (with two more) pretending to be a Countrey man, performed a very profitable but most comical exploit on a Shop keeper; she is interrupted by the Arrival of her comrades; Meriton Lattroon enters into a Pleasant Dialogue with her; his Indian wife falls in love with Mistress Mary and Mistress Dorothy, disguis’d in mans apparel: and a pleasant Adventure there upon.

Thus (said Mistress Mary) did the Gentleman discourse of the French manner of Thieving and Cheating, which was after a more confident and bold manner than that of our Countrey-men; and their manner of picking pockets was, I told him a great Novelty; he replyed that he could relate many such tricks that were done at his being there; two more whereof, continued he, I will tell you, and so conclude.

253Three Cheats intending a piece of roguery, had aparelled themselves like Countrey-men; and two sauntring in the Street, one of the other went into a Shop-keeper, whom they saw was alone in his Shop, and tells him that he was a Countrey-man, and had born all offices in the Parish where he liv’d: and was now Church-warden, and that he was come to Town to lay out a little money for the use of the Parish; but more especially to buy a Cope for the Parson; and, said he, I would buy a good one though it cost me the more money: and thereupon fetch’d several and shew’d him: he turn’d many of them over, but still desired to see better, at length one was brought which he seemed to like: but, said he to the Shop-keeper, I doubt it is too short: no, said the Shop-keeper, it is long enough of all conscience, and thereupon measured it upon the Country-man: who said, I cannot tell by this measuring, whether it be long enough or no: but our Parson is a man much about your pitch, and therefore I pray do you put it on, and I shall be better satisfied, the Shop-keeper to satisfie his Customer, did so; and our cheating Church-warden did assist, and help him to put it on; but in doing it, he clapt his hand into the Shop-keepers pocket, and drew from thence a purse of money, the Shop keeper perceiv’d it, and caught hold of his Customer, but he slipping out of his hand, shew’d him a fair pair of heels, and the Shop-keeper without putting off the Cope followed him; in the mean time the other two of our cheats Companions acted their parts, for the one went into the shop, and taking the next bundle of goods that came to hand went away, and the third doubting that if the Shop-keeper kept his pace he might overtake his Companion whom he pursued; he therefore having plac’d 254himself in the way on purpose, catches hold on the Shop-keeper, and sayes, O Lord Master Doctor! what makes you thus distracted? as to run in the streets in this unseemly manner: the Shop-keeper told him that he was mistaken, he was no Parson, and that he was in pursuit of a fellow that robb’d him; by this time our Cheat who was pursued, had turned a corner of a Street, and was out of sight; and the Neighbors coming out to see what was the matter, perswaded the Shop-keeper to go home again and put off that Garment, and then go look for the Cheater; he did so, but there he found that he had a second loss, which made him more angry than before, especially when he considered that he was without all remedy, not being able to discover who they were that had shown him this clenly conveyance.

Another time said the Gentleman, a couple of these bold rogues understanding that a Gentle-man was newly come from travel; and having enquired into and been acquainted with many particulars in his Journey, were resolved to get money out of him; and therefore waiting a time and place convenient, and seeing him walking with another Gentleman, one of these bold rogues thus accosts him: Sir, your very humble servant, I am very joyful to see you after your return; although you have travelled several Countries since I saw you last, yet you are not one jot alter’d: but you are, replyed briskly the Gentleman, if ever I saw you before, for to the best of my remembrance this is the first time: I shall bring you, reply’d the Confident, to be of another mind when I tell you that my name is Mounsieur Brisack, and that you and I travell’d many a mile together, and were very merry at such and such places, naming them; I hope Sir, continued he, that you do remember 255that we staid three dayes at such a place, and then departed, having very bad way, and a tedious Journey to such a place, still naming the places, and there we met with such and such Gentlemen, who continued in our companies a fortnight, all the while we staid there; and we came to such and such a place. All this reply’d the Gentleman, and all those Persons I very well remember; but indeed Mounsieur Brisack, if your name be so, I do not at all remember you; but since you give me so good an account of my Journey, I must needs believe you to be acquainted with me in those parts; and since you are so, I pray how doth Mounsieur Langone? very well, reply’d our Cheat; he intends to be here in short time, and then I will bring him to you that we may renew our acquaintance: I shall be glad of the opportunity, reply’d the Gentleman, and so good Mounsieur Brisack, said he, till then I shall be your humble Servant; yours Sir, reply’d the Cheat; but I pray, Sir, do you now remember me? yes, yes, reply’d the Gentleman; then I hope reply’d the Cheat, you will also remember that I did you a small courtsie in the time of our acquaintance; what was it? said the Gentleman, that I may acknowledge it; and thank you; no great matter, Sir, said the Cheat, it was but a friendly office, we ought to do so for one another at such a distance; I do not understand you, said the Gentleman; you are very forgetful, said the Cheat, but I hope that as now you remember me, so you will remember to pay me that little money you borrowed of me at such a place; I know nothing of it, reply’d the Gentleman; I lent it to you replyed the Cheat, by the same token, that your Horse was taken lame in one legg, and you were forc’d to leave him behind you, and take another: truly, replyed the Gentleman, 256the token is good, but I do not remember the other matter; but I hope you will, reply’d the Cheat, and pay me for your Credit-sake before it comes to the hearing of our Fellow-travellers; how much do you say it was, reply’d the Gentleman; but twenty Crowns, a small sum, and soon paid; I know you are not without so much money about you, and if you please to pay it me now, it will do me as great a kindness in receiving it now, as it did you when I lent it; well replyed the Gent. if it be so, when Mounsieur Langone returns I will pay you, which you say will be in short time; I hope Sir, replyed the Cheat, you will not injure me so much as to put me to stay so long, when you promised me to pay it at our next meeting, and besides, Sir, it will not be for your Credit to let him or any of our Fellow Travellers know that you boggle at the payment of such a driblet as twenty Crowns: and thus did he importune the Gentle-man for payment, by telling him that he had now acknowledged it before witness, and that if he would not quietly pay, he would compel him to it: so that the Gentleman to purchase his quiet gave him what he demanded, lest, as he said, he should shame him.

Whilst Mistress Mary was busied in the recital of what was afore delivered, and intending to have proceeded in the same discourse; she was interrupted by the return of the Captain, Drugster, and Scrivener, and Gregory; and her looks and colour discovered to the Capt. that she had play’d the extravagant in the use of that liberty & freedom which he freely gave her, and could not contain himself from expressing some resentments thereof: and addressing his discourse to me in a fleering manner, come Master Meriton Latroon (said he) I shall know you better by degrees, and do fear I shall find you too much guilty 257of the humour of the Turks and Italians, who unaturallyunaturally delight in the society of young men: they are pretty Smock-fac’d Lads, how do you like them, Sir, if you could procure a change of their Sex, would not either of them serve for fine play-fellows.

I think (said I) they are best as they are, without any change; nay, with your pardon, good Captain, I know it an undeniable truth, which your own frequent experience doth, or must acknowledge; their unsuitable habits, I confess at first muffled up, or quite darkned all former knowledge of them: but you must excuse them, if they did unmask themselves to be known to one, they once preferred before their own safeties and reputations. Your sweet William was once my little wanton Mally, whom with many more, I first beguiled by hiring my self in womans apparel, as a Servant maid in a boarding School. This other whom you call George, was a Country-girl, whose beauty and good feature disarm’d me in the road, as I went on the Pad, and although I had never seen her till then, I was so passionately in love with her, that I never rested till I had obtained my desires on her, which effected, I ungreatfully left her.

This said the Captain, is a thing I was wholly ignorant of till now, although from our friend Gregory I have been informed of the most remarkable passages of your life: such wonderful and unheard of transactions in one man’s life, that in his relation I thought him reading to me some Legend of incredibilities.

I replyed that I had reserved this secret with some others, to be discovered as occasion should serve, and that in time, nothing should be hid from him. And now Sir, said I, you nor the rest of your friends must not entertain a jealousie that I participate and share with them in your Mistress’s affections; to be plain if 258your belief of that raise in you any anger or revenge, you will discover thereby your folly most egregiously; for can you expect a constancy from such, who know they cannot live, but by being inconstant; they are like such who are upon a trading Voyage, it is not one Port, but a great many that makes up their market; neither are they like some Merchants who particularly trade to one place, as to Guiney, Hambrough, &c. They are generally trucking, or vending their commodities through the Universe: Mal, said I, you must not be angry that I thus plainly and boldly disclose the naked truth; pray on, Sir, said she; I shall exercise my patience in hearing your rallery, but I pray tell me when you are out of breath, that I may inform you of the infirmities and frailties that belong to your more noble Sex, and spare not ours; you will not be so unjust to deny me that liberty you take your self; a match, quoth I, and therefore I shall proceed. When you were but fourteen, you began like a Nut to grow brown at bottom, which you know will then drop or fall of it self, or I might more properly compare you to forward Summer fruit, which proves mellow in the non-age of the spring, but rotts by too soon falling, when more sollid fruit shall deny the nipping frosts of an approaching Winter. There is a Queen-apple, and a Bitter-sweet so call’d, you resemble the one in the lovely colour, the other in the distasteful Gusto: but since I speak of fruit, the most common resemblance is a Medlar, which is never good till rotten; such are you, never finer drest than in your winding sheet. Several of your Sex when married are but a parcel of Crab trees, wall’d in at a great charge. As for thy part, thou art like a honeycomb with a Bee in it, which infallibly stings him that tastes thereof: to be short, ye have fair 259tongues and false hearts; fine faces, but foul Consciences; pride prompts ye to all manner of prodigality, and lust leads ye to that loosness, which ruinates thousands in the destruction of yourselves. To conclude, I could love thee, but that thou art female, and would never have married, but that I thought it best expedient to bring me to repentance. Now Sir said she, I believe it is my time to speak, for I find by your straining, you are very needy; you have but little water left by the sucking of your Pump; I see where your plot lies clearly, by undervaluing me and our Sex, you would put our friends out of conceit with us and others, that you might make a Monopoly of our Sex; be advised Sir, your Patent will not be worth the procuring, if we are so variable and wavering, as you would falsly make the world believe, you have Marshall’d up a fair company of Metaphors, that your wit might flutter in our disparagement. Our sailing from port to port to advance our profit, is not so discomendable as you would have it, since it is rather our misfortune to meet with such Bank-rupts, Broken-merchants, who have neither stock nor credit to barter with us for our wares. Surely your wit is mightily improv’d (since your poor Poetry you writ to my friend Doll, which she related to me was almost all the reward she had for her lost Virginity) it skipt so nimbly from Pole to Pole, from Sea to Land, to fetch a Lean starvelin of a conceit, and that was the comparing of us to ripe Nutts, or Nutts brown at bottom as you well know; for all we are slip-shell’d were it not for truanting-waggs who rushing into our Thickets shake us down; we might hang long enough, not like your Crack-ropes: and for your likening us to fruit soon ripe, and as soon rotten, I dare confidently aver that we might 260remain a long time on the tree, did not such unhappy Boys as you are throw stones at us. Lastly, you say our sweets are accompanyed with stings, I know not what you mean, but I am sure you stung this Gentlewoman and my self in that manner that the swelling lasted nine moneths, and by a Mid-wife was at last delivered of our pain. To conclude, with what force can you condemn us for inconstancy? when every new face you see shall change your affection, variety shall be as so many winds to blow your amorous pretences to more points than are contained within a Compass, and when you have had, after a long Seige, the Town (you sate down before) surrendered, you fall a plundring instantly, and it may be, after this, ingratefully set the Garrison on fire; if not, at leastwise curse the time and money you spent in your Conquest, throwing it off as a thing not worth the managing and keeping: No more (dear Mall, said I,) no more, what hitherto I have express’d, was but a tryal of thy wit, which since I find so pregnant, thy better parts, thy mind, I will endeavour to enjoy hereafter.

All the Company was greatly pleas’d with our Drollery, and now said I, Gentlemen, without trifling the time away too much, since we know one the others past lives, and present intentions; let us enter into a serious consultation, how we may advantage each others interest here, in order elsewhere. Although you, Sir (speaking to the Captain) have been in these parts twice or thrice before, yet I question not but the knowledge I have of this Country will prove as serviceable to our design, as any others that have been here a longer time besides the advantage of my projections; the Captain with all the rest readily consented to be advised with me in every thing, as 261giving me the priority in all manner of Roguery. Gentlemen, said I, the love I bear my own Countrey (although all Countries indeed, should not be such strangers to us, as not to make them absolutely our own, when necessity compels us thereunto) I say, having a longing desire to see Europe, and return for England, having now gotten something considerable for a future maintenance, I shall make it my whole business to take up what commodities I can on trust, and with what I have, and my self, I resolve to accompany you homewards; and that I may be the better wellcome among you, I will be assistant to you in the buying your commodities, and procuring you a credit withal.

These proposals commanded both their thanks and embraces, and to work we went immediately. But before I proceed to tell you how, and in what manner we enrich’d our selves by cheating and deceiving the Countrey: I must give you an account, that my she-black divil, my wife, had a moneths mind to no less than a brace of white Josephs, I mean my two Girls in mans apparrel; I confess the temptation was great enough to have deluded any other woman of more Christian principles; when I heard of it, I thought I should have dyed by the excess of laughter, and that I might have the more sport, I ordered my two Females not to discountenance her amorous desires. I have heretofore inform’d you that she was for feature and stature as handsome, and as proper as most Europeans, and had a natural genius, her Sex is not ordinarily endued withal: in the time of my living with her, I had taken considerable pains to teach her English of which she hath a competent understanding and utterance. Seeing me go very gentile and gallant, she disserted her own 262Country fashion, and thought herself obliged to be cloathed in mine, which I condescended to, not so much to please my eye, as to sport my fancy, for they became her as well as a Hat and Feather, Sword and Belt, with a Red-coat would become a Jack-an-apes riding before the Bears.

We had not many English-women among us, however she imitated every one of them in some thing or other, so that she seemed when drest to have borrowed of at least twenty women, and those Habiliments look’d as if they had been thrown on her with a pitchfork. She being extreemly smitten in love with these 2 handsome young menmen, as she thought them, began now to be less careless in her dress, but what disorders she endeavoured to rectifie and amend, she made a thousand times worse; she consulted her glass, and imagining her face was not naturally fair enough, that is, not black (for blackness is esteem’d by them as beauty, and tawniness the contrary) I say to correct that natural defect by Art, she got some LampLamp black, or some thing like it, by which paint she resolved to be devilish fair.

I wondred to see my pretty sweetings face, all of a sudden so strangely chang’d, but I concerning my self but little with her, never demanded how it came, but according to my usual Custome went to bed, and not long after my wife followed me: I had drank very excessively that day, by which means I slept profoundly and was not sensible what her petulancy prompt’d her to when I was asleep; but certain I am, she did so all to bekiss me, and so rubb’d the black paint off her face upon mine, that none could tell which was the blacker of the two in the morning when I arose.

I got not out of bed till an hour after all the rest 263of the People in the house were up, and staying somewhat longer above than I usually did, she came up into the Chamber, and perceiving my face to be black, she was at a stand, not knowing what to say, or do; but at length concluded (as she confess’d afterwards) that her God was angry with her for loving any other white besides her Husband, and therefore had taken away his white face, and had given him a black one in the room: she retired down with much more reverance than usual, and was so amazed, that she spake not a word to any below. The Captain and his friends, with several of my own acquaintance were attending my coming down, who seeing my face thus discoloured, knew me not, yet knew my voice and clothes, and though I bid them good morrow, they returned me not the like civilty, but instead thereof, ask’d me whether I was not an impudent fellow to counterfeit another voice and wear his clothes? Gentlemen said I, are ye all mad, or have ye eyes that ye dare own? I am the man I was the last night I am very certain; you may have the same body, said the Captain, but the foul Fiend stole away thy head last night for being drunk, and left his own in its room; hereupon a Looking-glass was fetcht, and put it into my hands, but I no sooner saw my face in it, but it dropt out of my hands breaking all in pieces, and with the amazement of this sudden alteration, I was just ready to expire; now did all my former roguries come fresh into my memory, believing that they, with what I was now about to act, had rode poste to the Devil to inform him what I was; that he was come to fetch me away alive, and that he had lent me this hellish face, that I might be the fitter for his company in his Journey homeward.

The Company seeing me stand so like a changeling, 264could not forbear laughing till they held their sides, at length one of them came, and with a wet cloth rubbing my face, restored it me again, I could not imagine who should serve me this trick, or how it should be done, but at last recollecting my thoughts, I remembred that my wife of late seemed to me to be more than usually black; whereupon I call’d her to me, and with the same cloth I made her blackness vanish too. She perceiving I was inflam’d with rage and fury, fell upon her knees, and begging my pardon, she told me every circumstance of what she had done and design’d, concealing her real contrivance; that she had painted her face in that manner to increase my love, she said, and that in kissing me and laying her face to mine, (not imagining the black would come off) she had thus discoloured my face, and would never do so again: I was so far from being Angry with her, that I could not forbear laughing heartily, which renewed the like in my friends; however I charged her never to make herself fairer than she was again, and if I found her pride extend that way, I would devest her and reduce her to the Clout, it being all the clothes the indians wear, an insignificant fore covering; this troubled her more than if I should have gashed her flesh and fill’d the wound with salt, a punishment frequently used among them. Notwithstanding the ill success of her first project, yet she was resolv’d to prosecute her love but which she loved best, she could not tell, if there had been an half dozen more, she had room enough in her breasts to entertain them, and had affection to have scattered plentifully among them all.

Latroon and his friends arrive in Swalley Road, they go ashore at Surrat, are entertained with other Captains of Ships lately come to an Anchor, by the President; he discovers an old Mistress of his and his old fellow servant, waiting on a Captain in a disguising habit; he renews his acquaintance with her; she tells him what befell her after his unworthy shipping her to Virginia, and the cause of her coming for India. She enters into a League with Latroon to cheat her pretended Master, which she did, the manner how. They sail together from Surrat homeward.

The next day after our coming to an Anchor in Swalley Road, there came in to us six sail of Dutch-ships from Nova Batavia; and two days after came in four English ships more into the same Port. One of the Captains meeting with a Fleet of Friggats entring in at the Rivers mouth, was boarded by them and unhapily blown up, himself and others of his Company escaped, but were miserably burnt with powder. The ship drave into Swalley over the Bar 289and was tow’d on shore by our Boats and Barges, but all in a manner consumed by the fire; there was a Dutch-ship fought with the Friggats this while, which Sunk three of them, and in the fight there was three more surpriz’d, the first by the Charles Barge, the next by our Long-boat, which we doubly mann’d, and the last by the Dutch: they were but of little value, being laden with Paddee, Beech-leaves and other trifles.

Now did our Captain command the Skiffs to be mann’d, and taking me, the Scrivener, Drugster, with some of the Ship, we went ashore, and presented our selves to the President, who wellcom’d us in the best manner he could, and to speak the truth, his entertainment was magnificent; whilst we were frankly drinking Healths to our friends in England, there came into us (who came ashore that morning) the Captains of the other three Ships, with their Chief Officers, as also a great many Dutch Commanders and their Attendants, we used to say The more the merrier, and so found it, for the President as he was a very generous man, so he was prudent, and therefore by his noble deportment towards us, was resolved to oblige us both.

We on the other side, strove to out-vy each other in gallantry of Spirit, and in this manner we continued feasting three days, swimming in an Ocean of Liquor.

In this time of our Jollity I minded especially a young man that waited on one of the Captains; he had a very Sweet countenance, but his Complexion was very much Sun-burnt by travelling; I did verily believe I had seen the face before, and therefore very much eyed it, which he perceiving fixt his eyes as often on me, for I never cast my eye 290that way where he stood waiting, but I found him still looking towards me.

My heart renewed private intelligence what he was, but my reason could not so much as guess from whence it came; for by the extraordinary motion thereof beating strokes on my brest as nimbly as a Drummer a Travale on his Drum-head; I look’d on him as one I knew, neither was I alone thus, for at that distance I could perceive that the sight of me did put him into a strange confusion.

As I was contriving how to have some private conference with him, his Master commanded him to take some of the Boats Crew and go aboard and fetch him something which he wanted, he had no sooner receiv’d the Command, but casting his Eyes on me he endeavor’d to tell me by them, he had an eager desire to speak with me.

He going out, I withdrew from the Company, desiring their excuse for a while and follow’d him, but coming near him he trembled so he could hardly move a foot forward, seeing him in that agony, I asked him what ailed him? Bade him not be afraid, that I came not after him to mischief him, or injure him in the least. I believe, said he, you intend me no harm now, but it would have been well if you had never done me any. How! replyed I, it is impossible I should be so cruel as to injure a face so innocently harmless as thine appears: yes, Sir, you have, said he, and were it not for something within me I have no name for, I would be reveng’d on thy very soul for the abuse thou hast done me; I have now no longer time left to discourse you, but to-morrow meet me under the Southern Toddy-trees, and there I shall not fail to let you understand the miseries 291of ——, and there he dropt his tears so fast that he could hardly see his way before him. I was so amazed at what I had seen and heard, that there I stood as a thing immovable, speechless, and almost sensless; staying somewhat too long, the Captain came out to look me, and found me in this posture staring up into the Skie; What’s the matter man? said he, what wonders dost thou see there, thou dost so gaze? I tell thee man, said he, this is no proper time nor place to take an observation, we are now at Land; but he knew not what observation I had taken, if he had he would have spoiled the Instrument if he could.

Recollecting my self, Your pardon good Sir, said I, I protest you drink too smartly within, so that I was forc’d to come out to suck in some little airy refreshment. This shall not excuse you, quoth he, therefore come along with me. Coming in he told the whole company in what a rediculous posture he found me, and did so Romance upon it, that he made them all laugh. One while, said he, he was telling the Clouds he saw, pleasing himself with the several monstrous shapes they bore, though I could not see one in all our Hemisphere. Then he turned his ear up to the firmament, as if he were hearkening to the Sweet harmony of the Sphears, and in my conscience, if I had not prevented him, I had seen him madly dance by himself without one stroke of Musick. After this he turn’d his eyes upwards again, and fixing them there awhile, the nine heavens or firmaments were so transparent to his sight, that looking through them, he recounted their particular names to himself in order as they were posited. He would have proceeded but that the company would not let him, for my own part he might have talked till dooms-day without any interruption from me, 292my thoughts being wholly imployed in searching out the meaning of what the young man lately spake to me.

I observed after his return, he could not or would not look once towards me as long as I staid. That night we parted some staying ashore, others going aboard; but I, knowing what business I had to do the next morning, lay all night with one of the Factors, a true Toper, and one that I had been formerly merry with in London. I got up early and went to the place appointed, where I staid not long e’re I saw him whom I expected advancing towards me, I arose to meet him, so walking together we chose a place where we sate down, which was both convenient, and secret for our purpose. As I was about to speak he prevented it, by calling me base, faithless, perjur’d man (I starting up, laid my hand on my Sword) Nay hold, Sir, said he, think not to expiate your offence by murdering the person against whom they were committed, so pulling off his Perriwig discovered some short red hair? do you know this colour, said he, which once you told me you lov’d beyond any other? Here is the same Dimple in the Chin, and Mole on the Lip, and the same skin (stripping open his doublet) which you have unreasonably praised for its excelling whiteness; these were the flatteries you used to delude a poor credulous maiden, whom you not onely sham’d but ruin’d. You cannot forget your matchless treachery in seducing me aboard a Virginia ship, in whom I was carry’d thither and sold, you hoping by that villany to have been for ever rid of me and mine.

I now saw who she was (my fellow servant when I was an Apprentice) and knowing what she said to be a truth, I ask’d her forgiveness, acknowledging all my unworthyness to her, and protested if she durst trust me once more I would make her amends for all, at 293which she smil’d (for she ever lov’d me too well to be angry with me) I taking hold of this advantage did so press her to a forgiveness, that she could not deny me, having seal’d it with a thousand kisses: and now dear Jane, said I, I have a longing desire to know how you spent your time in Virginia, and how you came hither with this Captain; that I shall do briefly, she replyed.

When I saw that you had so cruelly trappan’d me, and that all your love was nothing but a deluding pretence to enjoy what you could, and be shut of me afterwards as I saw you had done, I attempted to fling my Self into the Sea, but being prevented in that, I betook my self to my Cabbin where for grief I lay the whole Voyage so desperately ill that none had any hopes of my life, for my Child dying as I suppose for want of those that should carefully looke after it. Arriving at Virginia, and anchoring at Potomack River: several Planters came aboard of us, and made a quick riddance of all the Passengers but my self, none offering a pipe of Tobacco for me, for I was grown so weak I could not stand, and so lean that I was a meer skinful of bones. The Master seeing me in this condition, and judging I could not live two dayes to an end, commanded me to be carried ashore to dye. A Planters wife that was very antient, seeing me lie in that miserable and deplorable manner, took pity on me, and took me home to her house, where she proved so good a Nurse to me that every day I did sensibly amend. Being well, there was a great contest between the Husband of this good old woman, and the Master whose Servant I should be, a Suit was commenced, and upon tryal the Master was cast he putting me a shore as useless to him, acquitted himself of all future trouble with me. I being clear from him, my good Patron and Patroness 294discharged me in open Court for having any thing to say to me, for what necessaries they had provided for me during my sickness, being now a free-woman I had a hundred good matches offered me, all which I refus’d; there were some of the great ones too courted me for their lust (for I had now recovered my complexion, and my eyes had shaken off that dulness which had clog’d the swiftness of their motion) but all these temptations prevailed not, the memory of you had too large a power over my heart than to yield to any one else. But length of time began by degrees to extenuate that esteem I had of you, so that I did not behave my self so reservedly as formerly I had, but assumed a great deal of freedome. One day my Master (as I now call him) coming to the house where I was (for his Ship then rode in the River not far off us) took so great a likeing to me at the first sight, that as he hath confess’d since, he was never at quiet but when in my society; So that in a little time he had so won upon my affections, that my carriage towards him sufficiently demonstrated how dearly I loved him. To conclude, he made a perfect conquest of me, and as the earnest of a perpetual tye, he fully enjoyed me, and promised marriage if I would go with him as soon as he came to Weymouth in the west of England, where stood his Habitation. I greedily swallowed all his perswations (although one would have thought me more wary, having been so notoriously cheated by you before,) & the time coming when he would set sail, I march’d down to his Ship with as many as would have compleated a Regiment which followed me, looking upon me as the most absolute mirror of Chastity which ever arrived in those parts, joyful I was to return to my native Country, and as glad was my overcomer in that he had obtained so pretty a play-fellow to pass away his time in his passage homewards. In seven weeks we came 295upon the coast of England, and was by the stress of weather put into Plymouth-sound, where we rode with much difficulty between the Island and the Land. The third day after our anchoring there, the wind ceasing though the weather was somewhat hazy, he went ashore, and taking none with him but my self Coxswain and his Crew. I wondred what he meant by it, my fond hopes prompted me to believe that here he would perform the promise he made me at Virginia, but I found my self deceiv’d; for he dismist the boat after he had fill’d their skins full of wine, and commanded them to wait upon him in the morning.

There being now none left but he and I together; Dearest, said he, be not troubled at what I shall tell you, and it shall be never the worse for you. I have a Wife and Children at Waymouth, although to gain my ends of you I pretended to have none; she is the most jealous woman in the world, and well she may, for she knows there is no woman in the Creation much more deform’d than her self, wherefore this I would have you to do that I may continue your company; you shall change your feminine habit for what is masculine, under which disguise you shall pass as a young man I have met with abroad, which for fancy’s sake I have chosen to be my Companion in my Travels. I thought I should have sunk into the Earth to hear him make this new confident proposition to me after so many vowes and promises to make me his wife, but gathering courage, I started out of his hand and would have gone down stairs, but pulling me back, what said I, are all my expectations come to this? must I be only your wandring whore at last? have I left so many wealthy matches at Potomack for this? no, I am in mine own Country, in a place where I am not known, & I will wash and scour for a lively-hood rather than submit so basely after so many worthy 296proffers. Notwithstanding a thousand resolutions I had to leave him; yet such was the subtlety of mans sly insinuation, that he made me unsay all that I had said in less than half an hour; and I agreed to everything he would have me do. Leaving me at the Tavern he went immediately, and bought a suite (which he guest would fit me) with Hatt, Shooes, Stockings, and whatever was requisite to cloath a young man fashionably, and brought them to me upon tryal, they exactly fitted me. Now because we would not give any cause of suspition to the people of the house where we were in changing my habit, it was concluded on between us to walk out of the town somewhere, he being well acquainted with all the places about the town, made choice of Catdown, where in the cleft of an hollow rock I unchas’d, throwing my proper habit into the Sea, and although it was somewhat immodest I was forc’d to beg his help in my new metamorphosis; he had procur’d me a very All-a-mode Perriwig, but before that would fit me he must play the Barbar himself, which he did by cutting my hair off close to my head. Being now clad with everything requisite from top to toe, we made towards the town again, where entring the former house we were in, we drank and were very merry, having a noise of musick, having supp’d one bed serv’d us without suspition; in the morning came the boat for us with the doctor in her, who asked my Master very seriously for the Gentlewoman, he replyed she had kindred and friends in this place and that she resolv’d to stay with them awhile; then he enquired what that young man was; O, said he, he is of my former acquaintance, who having little to depend on here, is resolv’d to see the world abroad with me. Coming aboard our Master need not make a repetition of what he had already said, the Doctor did it for him: now did we set sail steering for Waymouth which we did reach in a little time.

I was entertain’d in his house with much civility 297from his wife, and the servants observing what respect their Master shew’d me, paid me the like. There was seldom a day wherein he had me not to a Tavern, sometimes with company, but most commonly alone, and this life I led for fourteen moneths; at the expiration of which my master being employed by some Merchants in a Voyage to East-India, took me along with him by which means we have the wonderful hap to see one another again.

My Jinny having ended her discourse, I endeavoured to endear myself unto her with all the outward demonstrations I could devise or imagine, protesting for the future I would never violate my faith to her, that she and I would run our fortune, live together, and she dying I would voluntarily do so too, to accompany her to the other world.

Fearing lest I should detain her too long, and give her Master any cause of suspition, I dispatch’d her away, and soon after went aboard our own ship, but before I went I appointed her to meet me there two days after. The Captain, my self, and all that were concern’d, went roundly about our business, for since he had gone beyond the bounds of his commission, he was resolv’d not to return home with her, but convert Ship and goods to his own use; this in secret he acquainted me with, as knowing my ingenious rogueship would be very helpful and assistant to him in all his enterprizes; and that I might oblidge him to me in an absolute bond of friendship, I seem’d to make him my Cabinet-counsel in all my affairs, and did really inform him of the truth of the last Adventure, knowing I could not carry on my design without his privity and help.

He did much wonder to hear me tell him that I had here also discovered another of my wenches in man’s apparrel, but his wonder turn’d into rejoycing when I told him how this wench should enrich our 298Stock by robbing her or his pretended Master of his Gold and what else he had valuable, and could hardly rest to think how I would effect my design. Fear not, said I, his Gold is all our own, therefore let us lay out our own as fast as we can, in the commodites of this place. The Dutch thought we had the Devil and all of mony, to see our goods come tumbling in upon us so fast, so that with what goods we took in at Bantam, and what we receiv’d here, our ship wanted but little of her full fraught.

The time was come wherein I was to have another Mess of discourse with my Jinny, who was punctual to her time, and there before me at the place appointed. And after some few amorous ceremonies I seriously told her that it was my intent never to part with her during life, she answered that it was her desire, and that she would run any hazard to bear me company; well, said I, make your self ready to go along with us, for we are resolv’d to set sayl within these two dayes; that I shall (she said) and know that I will not come with empty hands; my love shall neither be burthensome to you, nor expensive; how prithee, how said I, why thus, my pretended Master, as I have told you loves me dearly, expressing it in whatever way I desire, and to let me see how great a trust he dares impose upon me, and what confidence he hath of my fidelity, I have the key of his Chest wherein is contain’d 8 hundred Jacobuss’s, besides a box of rough diamonds with other stones of price, all of which, or as much as I can carry off handsomely will I bring to thee, so much efficacy hath my first Lover over me that I could be content to undo all the rest to raise thee. I told her the notion was very suitable to our present affair, and that it was the best and easiest course I could propound for our happy living hereafter, and that when she saw 299any white thing hanging in our shrowd she should then fall to her work, which should be the token of our being all ready; which she could easily do at any time, for the Captain being almost continually a shore and she with him, it was but waiting for the boat (upon the sign given) which at her command would carry her aboard and bring her with the least word ashore. Moreover that having got the prize, she should presently make down to the Toddy-trees, over against which we lay at Anchor, and upon the signal of a Handkerchief, we would send our boat instantly ashore to receive her. All which according to instruction was exactly perform’d, the Captain whom she requited in this manner for all his love being at that time dead drunk by an invitation of the Factors of Surrat.

Having got my double Treasure aboard, and what lading we desir’d, our Hold shut up, our Anchors weigh’d, and our Canvas spread, away we sail’d over the Bar, with an hundred shot after us, for our Country-men as well as Hollanders, concluded there must be some damn’d inexpressible Treachery in this our suddain sailing, neither giving notice some days before, or fairly taking our leaves by fireing of Guns according to Custom; besides they knew we had not taken in our full Lading. Let them fire their hearts out we valued them not, in derision we fir’d a Gun at stern, and so stood to the Southwards.

I knew very well this female confident of mine would effectually do the business we had plotted together, and so to divert my self and make sport with the Captain of the discovery of my Rival, I wrote some few Lines and nail’d them on a Toddy-tree on the shore directed to the said Captain, which I knew would be discovered by some or other, and carried to him the verses were as follow.

300Noble Captain.

I shall not trouble you with the particulars of an exact Journal of our voyage from Surrat till we came to Venice, to which part we were bound, but only give you some light touches by the way.

The last day of April we cross’d the Æquator, and the first of May made a new way by judgement, and by observation our way was four Leagues to the South-wards, having a rowling Sea out of the Souther board. The fourth of June in the morning we saw the Island Mauritius and a little after three or four small Islands appeared also; we stood in betwixt Mauritius and these Islands, and when we were thwart the point of Rocks which lye on Mauritius side, we edg’d off towards the Island, giving that point and breach a good birth; our depth was twenty, and two and twenty fathom hard ground, and being within one mile of the westermost rock, we had twenty four fathom, the wind being at south east, we left into the shore about a mile distant from it we anchored that night. Here we rode near ten days, refreshing our selves with what the Island afforded, as Goats, Hogs, and fresh fish good 302store. It is reported here are many fish rank poyson, we did eat all sorts, as Mullets, Lantarasks, Whiskers, Rockfish and Garfish, and many others, but found no harm by feeding on them. We set sail hence and about 28 Leagues distance from Mauritius, we pass’d by an Island call’d the Moschachenas, near which we sprung a leak, that each hour we pumpt above two hundred and fifty strokes, it being gusty whether and a great Sea out of the South-east, but by our Carpenters it was happily stopt, although it was under the next timber abaft the well near the Keel, which by rummidging the Hold they found it so to be. The next place we anchored at was the Island of Johanna, here we had much lightning and thunder, the wind having been out of the Sea in the day, and off shore in the night. This place affordeth very good flesh great quantity of fish and fowl, we had a Bullock for ten long red Cornelion heads; we had also excellent Oranges and Lemmons, the people are very loving and friendly, having two Governours or Captains among them, the one call’d Androm Pela, and the other Masse Core, they desired of us no other money for ought we bought than those red heads. Sailing from hence we sprung our main top-mast, which our Carpenters taking down fisht it and got it up again the same day. On the third of September in latitude 16. d. 33 the wind at South east, we saw the Island of St. Helena, to the west-ward of the Chappel thereof we anchored a mile distant, the Captain caused the skiff to be hoisted out and so my Jinny, the Scrivener, Drugster, and Doctor &c. we landed at Lemmon-valley. Here with some Guns we carried with us we kill’d Hogs and Goats, otherwise it is hard to take them, running at the sight of us up inaccessible craggy Rocks. In ranging through the Isle, our men 303found divers Oranges and Lemmon-trees but no fruit thereon, the Dutch having been there as we suppose, had gathered them, as appeared by their names on certain Stones and Trees; we caught here Mackrel, Breams and Borettoes good store.

And therefore Reader pardon the Printer, who promises amendment; and I hope thy acceptance of this and the fourth part already published will induce me to finish this Story with a fifth & last part. In the mean time the Author of this, hath lately written Printed and Published, another Book entitled.

The Unlucky Citizen, experimentially described in the various misfortunes of an Unlucky Londoner. Calculated for the Meridian of this City: but may serve by way of advice to all the Comonality of England. More particularly to Parents and Children, Masters and Servants, Husbands and Wives. Intermixed with several Choice Novels, Stored with variety of Examples and advice president and precept. Illustrated with Pictures fitted to the several Stories.

And let me assure thee Reader that no more is promised in the Title than is performed in the Book for it not only equals this in relating variety of pleasant extravagancies and other Novels but it is profitable in the many reflections and good advices given to the Reader, and is intended to be prosecuted in a second part wherein you shall have not only real and true examples and experiences, but also as good and sound advice as can be collected from any Book either Morall or Divine which this age hath produced. Therefore despise it not because of the Unlucky Title, for it is or will be worthy of thy perusall.