Sandwiches, supplied in liberal manner by Mr. Master
and not touched on the railway journey, sufficed
Mr. Wriford's needs through the following day. He
tramped aimlessly the greater part of the time. Evening
again provided him with a bed by the roadside. It was
the next morning, to which he awoke feeling cold and
feeling ill, that aroused him to his first thoughts of his
present situation. He clearly must do something; but
he had only negative ideas as to what it should be.
Negative, as that, in passing a farm, it crossed his mind
to apply for work as had been the practice with
Mr. Puddlebox. But he recalled the nature of that work
and was at once informed that he was now completely
unfitted for it. He had been very strong then. He felt
very weak now. He had then been extraordinarily
vigorous and violent in spirit, and his spirit's violence
had led him to delight in exercising his body at manual
labour. Now he felt very weary and submissive in
mind; and that feeling of submission was reflected in
extreme lassitude of his limbs. It came back to this—and
at once he was returned again to his mental
searching—that then there seemed object and relief in taxing
himself arduously: now he had proved that trial and
knew that no object lay beyond it, that no relief would
ever now be contained in it. And in any event he was
not capable of it: he was weak, weak; he felt very
ill.
But something must be done. Let him determine
how he stood; and with this thought he began for the
thousandth time to rehearse his life as he had lived it.
One of the lucky ones: he had been that: it had driven
him into the river. One of the free: that also he now
had been. Those months with Puddlebox he had cared
for nothing and for nobody: recked nothing whether he
lived or died. He had worked with his hands as in the
London days he had imagined happiness lay in working.
He had attained in brimming fulness all that in the
London days he had madly desired. It had brought
him where now he was—to knowledge that there was
something in life he had missed, and to baffled, to
bewildered ignorance what it might be or in what manner
of living it might be found. Well, let him drag on. Just
to drag on was now the best that he could do. Let life
take him and do with him just whatsoever it pleased.
Let him be lost, be lost, to all who knew him and to all
and everything he knew. Let him a second time start
life afresh, and this time not attack it as in the wild
Puddlebox days he had attacked it, but be washed by
it any whither it pleased, stranded somewhere and
permitted to die perhaps, perhaps have disclosed to
him, and be allowed to seize, whatever it might be that
somehow, somehow, somewhere, somewhere, he had
missed.
Thus, as aimlessly he wandered, his thoughts took
the form of plans or resolutions, yet were not resolutions
in any binding sense. They drifted formlessly through
his mind as snatches of conversation, carried on in a
crowded apartment, will drift through a mind pre-occupied
with some idea; or they drifted through him
as snow at its first fall will for long drift over and seem
to leave untouched any stone that rises above the
surface of the ground. He was preoccupied with his own
ceaseless questioning. He was preoccupied with helpless
and hopeless sense of helplessness and hopelessness.
There was something that others found that gave them
peace and gave them happiness, that he had missed,
that he knew not where he had missed or where to
begin to find.
All of plan or resolution that in any way settled upon
this deeper brooding was that somehow he must find
something to do. In the midst of his brooding he would
jolt against realisation of that necessity, think
aimlessly upon it for a little, then lose it again. Slowly it
permeated his mind. Evening brought him to the
outskirts of a small town; and at a house in a by-street
where "Beds for Single Men" were offered, and where
he listlessly turned in, the matter of being called upon
for the price of a lodging shook him to greater
concentration upon his resources. He found that, by
Mr. Master's carelessness or kindness, he had been left with
a trifle of change over the money given him to make his
way across town when he broke his journey in
London—elevenpence. He paid ninepence for his bed. In the
morning there remained to him two coppers for food,
and he knew himself faint with protracted fasting.
In a street of dingy shops he turned into a coffee-house.
"Shave?" said a man in soiled white overalls, and he
realised that he had mistaken the door and stepped into
a barber's adjoining the refreshment shop. He was
unshaven, and any work that he could do would demand
a reasonably decent appearance. "Attend to you in a
moment," said the soiled overalls, and Mr. Wriford
dropped into a chair to await his pleasure. The ragged
fragment of a local newspaper lay on a table beside him,
and he took it up with some vague idea of discovering
employment among the advertisements. That portion
of the paper was missing. His eye was attracted by an
odd surname, "Pennyquick," and when the barber
called him and was operating on him he found himself
listlessly reflecting upon what he had read of an inquest
following the sudden death of the assistant-master at
Tower House School, chief evidence given by
Mr. Pennyquick, headmaster.
A penny was the price of his shave. He took his
penny that remained into the adjoining coffee-shop and
obtained with it a large mug of cocoa. "Three ha'pence
with a slice of bread and butter," said the woman at
the counter, pushing the cocoa towards him. "Don't
you want nothing to eat?"
Her tone and the look she gave him were kindly. "I
want it," said Mr. Wriford significantly.
"You look like it," said the woman. "There!" and
slid him a hunk of dry bread.
He tried to thank her. He felt strangely overcome
by her kindness. Tears of weakness sprang to his eyes;
but no words to his mouth. "That's all right," she
said. "You're fair starved by the look of you."
He puzzled as he finished his meal, and as he wandered
out and up the street again, to know why he had
been so touched by the woman's action. He found
himself feeling towards her that same swelling in his
heart as when the oldest sea-captain living with stained
lips had whispered: "Matey! Matey!"
Was there something in life that he had missed?
What in the name of God had that to do with being given
a piece of bread?
He found himself late in the afternoon reaching the
end of a deserted road of widely detached villas. The
last house carried on its gate a very dingy brass plate.
TOWER HOUSE SCHOOL
JAMES PENNYQUICK, B.A.
Pennyquick? Pennyquick? It was the name that
had caught his attention in the paper at the barber's.
What had he read about it? He trailed on a few steps
and remembered the inquest on the assistant-master,
and stopped, and stared.
A rough field lay beyond the house. It was separated
from the road by barbed-wire fencing which trailed
between dejected-looking poles that at one time had
supported it but now bowed towards the ground in various
angles of collapse. Within the field were pitched at
intervals decayed cricket stumps set in a wide circle,
and there stood about dejectedly in this circle
dejected-looking boys to the number of eighteen or twenty. At
intervals, as Mr. Wriford stood and watched, the boys
stirred into a dejected activity which gave them the
appearance of being engaged in a game of rounders. A
gentleman, wearing on his head a dejected-looking
mortar-board without a tassel, and beneath it untidy
black garments of semi-clerical appearance, imparted
these intervals of activity to the boys. He paced the
field in a series of short turns near the house, hands
behind his back, head bent, and, as Mr. Wriford could
see, sucking in the cheeks of a coarse-looking face
surrounded by scrubby whiskers of red hair. Every now
and then he would throw up his head towards the
dejected-looking boys and bawl "PLAY UP!" whereupon
the dejected-looking boys would give momentary
attention to their game.
Mr. Wriford stepped over the trailing wire and
approached the maker of this invigorating call. "Excuse
me," said Mr. Wriford, come within speaking distance.
"Are you Mr. Pennyquick?"
Halted in his pacing at sight of Mr. Wriford, the
gentleman thus addressed awaited him with lowered
head and lowering gaze much as a bull might regard the
first movements of an intruder. He sucked more
rapidly at his cheeks as Mr. Wriford came near, and for
a space sucked and fiercely stared after receiving the
question.
"Well, what if I am?" he then returned. His voice
was extraordinarily harsh, and he came forward a step
that brought his face close to Mr. Wriford's and stared
more threateningly than before. His eyes were dull and
heavily bloodshot, and there went with the sucking at
his cheeks a nervous agitation that seemed to possess
his neck and all his joints. "What if I am?" he
demanded again, and his words discharged a reek
communicative of the fact that, whoever he was, abstinence
from alcohol was not among his moral principles.
"By any chance," said Mr. Wriford, "do you happen
to want an assistant-master?"
"I don't want you."
"I thought you might want temporary assistance."
He was stared at a moment from the clouded eyes.
Then, in another volume of the fierce breath, "Well,
you thought wrong!" he was told. "Now!"
"Very well," said Mr. Wriford and turned away.
He went a dozen paces towards the road. There
seized him as he turned and as he walked away a sudden
realisation of his case, a sudden panic at his plight, a
sudden desperation to cling on to what he believed
offered here. He must find something to do. There
could be no concealment, no peace for him while he
wandered outcast and penniless. That way lay what
most he feared. He would be found wandering or found
collapsed, and questions would be asked him and
explanations demanded of him. That terrified him. He
could not face that. Whatever else happened he must
be left alone. He must find something to do that would
hide him—give him occupation enough to earn him
food and shelter and leave him to himself to think.
He turned and went back desperately. The man he
believed to be Mr. Pennyquick was standing staring
after him and waited staring as he came on.
"Look here," said Mr. Wriford desperately. "Look
here, Mr. Pennyquick. I know you think it strange my
coming to you like this. But I heard, I heard in the
town, that you wanted an assistant-master. If you
don't—"
"I've told you," said Mr. Pennyquick, admitting
the personality by not denying it, "I've told you I
don't want you. Now!"
"If you don't," said Mr. Wriford, unheeding the
rebuff, more desperate by reason of it, "if you don't,
there's an end of it. But if you want temporary
help—temporary, a day, or a week—I can do it for
you."
"Do what?" demanded Mr. Penny quick.
"I can teach," said Mr. Wriford. There was sign of
relenting in Mr. Pennyquick's question, and Mr. Wriford
took it up eagerly. "I can teach," he repeated.
"What can you teach?"
"I can teach all the ordinary subjects."
"I'm getting a University man," said Mr. Pennyquick.
"Temporarily," Mr. Wriford urged. As every
passage of their conversation brought him nearer this
sudden chance or threw him further from it, his panic
at its failure, and what must happen, then increased
desperately. "Temporarily," he urged. "I've had a
public-school education."
"Yes, you look it!" said Mr. Pennyquick, and
laughed.
"English subjects," cried Mr. Wriford. "Latin,
mathematics. I can do it if you want it."
Mr. Pennyquick glanced over his shoulder at his
dejected-looking boys, then stared back again at
Mr. Wriford and began to speak with more consideration and
less fierceness. "I'm not saying," said Mr. Pennyquick,
"that I don't want temmo—temmer—PLAY UP!
Tem-po-rary assistance. I do. I'm very ill. I'm shaken
all to bits. I ought to be in bed. What I'm saying is
I don't want you. I don't know anything about you.
I've got the reputation of my school to consider. That's
what I'm saying to you."
Dizziness began to overtake Mr. Wriford—the field
to rock in long swells, Mr. Pennyquick by turns to
recede and advance, swell and diminish. He felt
himself upon the verge of breaking down, wringing his hands
in his extremity and staggering away. But where?
Where? "Temporarily," he pleaded. "Temporarily."
"You might drink for all I know," said Mr. Pennyquick,
pronouncing this possibility as if consumed with
an unnatural horror of it.
"I don't drink."
"How do I know that?"
Mr. Wriford cried frantically: "It's only temporarily!
If I drink, if I'm not suitable, you can stop it
in a moment."
"No notice?" said Mr. Pennyquick.
"No—no notice. Temporarily—it's only temporarily.
That'll be understood."
"Well, if no notice is understood I'll take the risk—for
a week, while I'm getting a man. I'll give you fifteen
shillings. No, I won't. I'll give you twelve. I'll give
you twelve shillings, and if I have to sack you before
the week's out—well, you just go. That's understood?"
"Thank you," Mr. Wriford said. The field was
spinning now. He could think of nothing else to say.
"Thank you."
"Be here at nine to-morrow," said Mr. Pennyquick.
"Just before nine," and he turned away and shouted to
his boys: "Stop now! Come in now!"
"But—" said Mr. Wriford. "But—but—" He
was trying for words to frame his difficulty. "But—do
I live in?"
"Live in!" cried Mr. Pennyquick. "I'm taking
risks enough having you at all! Live in! Stop now.
Come in now!" and he walked away towards the house.
Lights in all the windows and in the street lamps as
Mr. Wriford regained the town. Night approaching—and
he terrified of its approach. Little chill was in the
air, yet as he walked he trembled and his teeth
chattered. He was shaken and acutely distressed by
revulsion of the effort to cling on and achieve his purpose
against Mr. Pennyquick's domineering savagery. He
was worse shaken and worse distressed by mounting
continuance of the panic at his plight that had driven
him to the interview. That plight and to what it might
lead had suddenly been revealed to him as he walked
away after the first rebuff. Now it utterly consumed
him. He shrunk from the gaze of passers-by. He
avoided with more than the fear of an evil-doer the
police constables who here and there were to be seen.
His urgent desire was concealment, to be left alone, to
be quiet. His fear was to be apprehended, found
destitute, questioned, interfered with. Questioning: that
was his terror; solitude: that was his want. He wanted
to hide. He wanted to hide from every sort of
connection with what in two different phases he had lived
through, and in each come only to misery. He told
himself that if, in obedience to his bodily desires—his
hunger, his extreme physical wretchedness—he were
somehow to get in communication with London and
enjoy the money and the place that waited him there—that
would be the very quick of intolerable meeting
with his old self again. Unthinkable that! If his
bodily desires—his faintness, his extreme
exhaustion—overcame him, there would be meeting the old life
in guise of explanations, of dependence again in
infirmary or workhouse. No, he must somehow be alone; he
must somehow live where none should interfere with
him and where he might on the one hand be occupied
and on the other be able to sit aside from all who knew
him or might bother him, and thus pursue his quest: was
there some secret of happiness in life that he had missed?
These bodily miseries would somehow, somewhere, be
accommodated or would kill him: this mental
searching—ever?
There was upon him accumulation of wretchedness
such as in all his wretchedness of his accursed life he
never had endured. At its worst in the old days, the
days of being one of the lucky ones, there had shone like
a lamp to one lost in darkness the belief that if he could
get out of it all he would end it all. Ah, God, God, he
had escaped it and was in worse condition for his escape!
The belief had been tested—the belief was gone. In
the wild Puddlebox days he had beaten off wretchedness
with violence of his hands and of his body, believing that
it ever could thus be beaten. God, it had beaten him,
never again in that deluded spirit could be faced. In
the infirmary he had begun his wondering after something
in life that he had missed. Lo, here was he come
out to find it, and Christ! it was not, and Christ! he
might not now so much as sit and rest and ponder it.
He felt himself hunted. He felt every eye turned
upon him within whose range he came; every hand
tingling suddenly to clutch him and stop him; every
voice about to cry: "Here, you! You, I say! What
are you doing? Where do you live? Who are you?"
He felt himself staggering from his dreadful faintness
and thereby conspicuous. Thrice as he stumbled round
any corners that he met he found himself passing a
constable who each time more closely stared. He took
another turning. It showed him again that same
policeman at the end of the street. He dared not turn
back. That would be flight, his disordered mind told
him, and he be followed. He dared not go on. There
was a little shop against where he stood. Its lighted
window displayed an array of gas-brackets, a variety
of glass chimneys and globes for lamps and gas, some
coils of lead piping, and in either corner a wash-basin
fitted with taps. There was inscribed over this shop
HY. BICKERS, CERT. PLUMBER
and attached to a pendent gas bracket within the
window was a card with the announcement:
LODGER TAKEN
Mr. Wriford made a great effort to steady himself;
steadied his shaking hand to press down the latch; and
to the very loud jangle of an overhead bell entered the
tiny shop that the door disclosed.
There was sound of conversation and the clatter of
plates from a brightly-lit inner parlour. Mr. Wriford
heard a voice say: "I'll go, Essie, dear," and there
came out to him a nice-looking little old woman,
white-haired and silvery-hued, rather lined and worn, yet
radiating from her face a noticeable happiness, as though
there was some secret joy she had, who smiled at him
in pleasant inquiry.
"I'm looking for a lodging," said Mr. Wriford.
At her entry she had left the parlour door open behind
her, and at Mr. Wriford's words there came to him
through it a bright girlish voice which said: "There,
now! Jus' what I was saying! Isn't that funny, though!
Let's have a laugh!" and with it, as though Mr. Wriford's
statement had conveyed the jolliest joke in the
world, the merriest possible ring of laughter.
The woman smiled at Mr. Wriford; and there was
in the laugh something so infectious as to make him,
despite his wretchedness, smile in response. She went
back to the door and closed it. "That's our Essie,"
she said, speaking as though Mr. Wriford in common
with everybody else must know who Essie was. "She's
such a bright one, our Essie!" The secret happiness
that seemed to lie behind her years and behind the lines
of her face shone strongly as she spoke. One might
guess that "Our Essie" was it. Then she answered
Mr. Wriford's statement. "Well, we've got a very
nice bedroom," she told him. "Would you like to see
it?"
"I'm sure it's nice," said Mr. Wriford. His voice,
that he had tried to strengthen for this interview, for
some ridiculous reason trembled as he spoke. The
reason lay somewhere in the woman's motherly face and
in her happy gleaming. He felt himself stupidly
affected just as he had been affected—recurrence of the
sensation brought the scenes before his eyes—by the
last appeal to him of the oldest sea-captain living, and
by the kindly action of the woman in the coffee-shop
who had given him a piece of bread early that morning.
"I'm sure it's nice," he said again, repeating the words
to correct the stupid break in his voice. "Would you
tell me the price?"
"Won't you sit down?" said the woman. "You do
look that tired!"
He murmured some kind of thanks and dropped into
a chair that stood by the counter.
She looked at him very compassionately before she
answered his question. "Tiring work looking for
lodgings," she said.
He nodded—very faint, very wretched, very vexed
with himself at that stupid swelling from his heart to
his throat that forbade him speech.
"Would you be living in?" he was asked.
"I think I should be out all day."
"Jus' breakfast and supper? That's the usual, of
course, isn't it? And full Sundays. That would be
twelve shillings."
Twelve shillings was to be his wage from Mr. Pennyquick.
He could not spend it all.
"I couldn't pay it," said Mr. Wriford and caught at
the counter to assist himself to rise.
"Well, I am sorry, I'm sure," said the woman, and
she added: "Hadn't you better rest a little?"
His difficulty in rising warned him that if he did get
up he might be unable to stand. "I will, just a
moment," he told her, "if you don't mind. It's very kind
of you. I've had rather a long day."
She had said she was sorry, and she stood looking at
him as though she were genuinely grieved and more than
a little disturbed in mind. "How much could you
pay?" she asked.
"I could pay ten."
"And when might you want to begin?"
"Now."
"Would it be for long?"
"I can't say. I don't think it would."
She said briskly, as though her obvious disturbance
of mind had dictated a sudden course, "Look here,
jus' wait a minute, will you?" and went into the
parlour, closing the door behind her.
Murmur of voices.
"You know," she said, coming back to him, "if it
was likely to be regular perhaps we could arrange ten
shillings. But not knowing, you see, that's awkward.
We like our lodger more to be one of us like. We don't
want the jus' come and go sort. That's how it stands,
you see. You couldn't say, I suppose?"
"It's very kind of you," said Mr. Wriford. "I'm
afraid I can't. I'll tell you. I'm engaged with
Mr. Pennyquick at Tower House School—"
"Oh, Mr. Pennyquick!"
"You know him, I expect?"
"Oh, I know Mr. Pennyquick," said the woman, and
seemed to have some meaning in her tone.
"Well, it's only for a week, or by the week. I can't
say how long."
He was given no reply to this. It was as if mention
of Mr. Pennyquick's name placed him as very likely
to be among the "come and go sort." "I had better
be going, I think," he said, and this time got to his feet.
"Well, I am sorry," the woman said again. "I'm
sure I'm very sorry, and you know I can't say straight
off where you'll get what you want for ten shillings.
There's places, of course. But you know you don't
look fit to go trudging round after them this time of
night. Hadn't you better go just for the night
somewhere? There's Mrs. Winter I think would take you
for the night. She's at—"
Mr. Wriford went to the door. "You needn't
trouble," he said weakly. "It can't be by the night. I
can only pay at the end of the week."
The woman gave a little sound of dismay. "But—do
you mean no money till then?"
He nodded. That was what he meant—and must face.
"But, dearie me, you won't find any will take you
without deposit. They're very suspicious here, you
know."
"Well," said Mr. Wriford. "Well—" and with
fingers as helpless as his voice began to fumble at the
latch.
"But where are you going?"
"This handle," he said. "It's rather stiff." He took
his hand from it as she came round the counter to him,
then immediately caught at it again and supported
himself against it.
She saw the action and cried out in consternation.
"Oh," she cried. "Why, you can't hardly stand, and
going off nowhere! Why, you jus' can't. You'll have
to stop."
He asked wearily: "Stop! How can I stop?"
"Why, ten shillings. That'll be all right. Our
Essie, you know—"
He could say no more than "Thank you. Thank you."
"You'll come right along. We're just sitting down
to supper. No, I'll just tell them first."
He effected speech again as, with her last words, she
went to the parlour door. "But deposit," he said, and
recalled the phrase she had used. "Aren't you
suspicious?"
"Why, that can't be helped," she smiled back at
him. "Our Essie, you know, she'd never forgive me
if I sent you off like you are. Jus' sit down."
He had scarcely taken a seat when she was back
again and calling him from the threshold of the open
parlour door. "That's all right. Come right along.
You didn't give your name, did you?"
"Wriford," and he reached her where she stood
smiling.
She turned within and announced him: "Well,
here's our lodger. That's Mr. Bickers."
A man of stature and of strength, once, this
Hy. Bickers, Cert. Plumber. Bent now and stooping, but
with something very strong, very confident in his face:
lined and worn as his wife's, silvery as hers. Slightly
whiskered, of white, otherwise clean shaven. A smoking-cap
on his head. Little enough hair beneath it. In his
face that same suggestion of a very happy secret happiness.
"Expect you're tired," said Mr. Bickers and gave
a warm hand-clasp.
"And that's our Essie."
A very cool, vigorous young hand, this time, that
grasped Mr. Wriford's and shook it strongly. A slim,
brown little thing, our Essie, eighteen perhaps, very
pretty, with extraordinarily bright eyes; wearing a blue
cotton dress with white spots.
"Pleased to meet you," said Essie.
Such a cheerful, jolly room, the parlour. Here was
a round table set out for supper, and Essie bustling in
and out of what appeared to be the kitchen, giving final
touches and laying a fourth place. A great number of
framed texts all round the walls, with two or three
religious pictures, a highly coloured portrait of Queen
Victoria and another of General Booth. A bright little
fire burning, with an armchair of shining American
cloth on each side of it, and a sofa and chairs, similarly
covered, all with antimacassars, set around the room.
A bookcase near the window, and near one armchair
a little table carrying an immense Bible with other
Bibles and prayer-books placed upon it. Some shells
on the mantelpiece in front of an immense, gilt-framed
mirror, and with them a great number of cups and
saucers and vases all inscribed as "A present from" the
place whence they were purchased.
Mr. Wriford sat on the sofa, silent, better already
from the warmth and the fragrant savour from the
kitchen; not less wretched though: somehow more
wretched, somehow overcome and utterly consumed
with that swelling feeling from his heart to his throat.
Mr. Bickers sat in one of the armchairs, silent.
Mrs. Bickers in the kitchen.
Mrs. Bickers appears. "Now Essie, dear, I'll dish
up. You jus' look after the lodger, dear. I expect the
lodger will like to wash his hands. Hot water, dear,
and there's his bundle."
Essie comes out of the kitchen with a steaming jug
in one hand and a candle in the other, puts down the
candle to tuck Mr. Wriford's parcel under her arm, and
then takes it up again. "This way," says Essie and
leads the way through another door and up a flight of
very steep and very narrow stairs. "Aren't they steep,
though?" says Essie over her shoulder. "We don't
half want a lift!"
The stairs give onto a passage with doors leading off
from the right, and the passage terminates in a door
which Essie butts open with her knee, and here is a
bedroom. "This is the lodger's room," says Essie,
setting down the candle and then removing the jug
from the basin and pouring out the water. "Course it
don't look much jus' at present, not expecting you,
you see. But I'll pop up after supper an' put it to rights.
Find your way down, can't you? I'll get you a bit of
soap out of my room to go on with." There is a second
door to the bedroom, and Essie goes through it and
returns with soap. "That's my room," says Essie.
"I call this my dressing-room when we haven't got a
lodger, jus' like as if I was a duchess," and she gives the
bright laugh that Mr. Wriford had heard in the shop.
"That's all right then. Bring the candle. That mark
on the wall there's where a lodger left his candle burning
all night. Oh, they're cautions, some of our lodgers!
Don't be long."
Most savoury and most welcome soup opens the
supper. After it a shoulder of mutton, Essie doing all
the helping and the carving and the running about.
She sits opposite Mr. Wriford. Her eyes—there is
something quite extraordinarily bright about her eyes
as he watches them. They are never still. They are for
ever sparkling from this object to that; and wherever
momentarily they rest he sees them sparkle anew and
sees her soft lips twitch as though from where her eyes
alight a hundred merry fancies run sparkling to her
mind. Her eyes flicker over the dish of potatoes and
rest there a moment, and there they are sparkling, and
her mouth twitching, as though she is recalling comic
passages in buying them or in cooking them, or perhaps
it is their very appearance, grotesquely fat and
helpless, heaped one upon the other, in which she sees
something odd that tickles her. Most extraordinarily bright
eyes, and with them always most funny little compressions
of her lips, as if she is for ever tickled onto the
very brink of breaking into laughter.
This at last, indeed, she does. Presence of the new
lodger seems to throw a constraint about the table, and
the meal is eaten almost to the end of the mutton course
in complete silence. Very startling, therefore, when
Essie suddenly drops her knife and fork with a clatter
and leans back in her chair, eyes all agleam. "Oh,
dear me!" cries Essie, as Mr. and Mrs. Bickers stare at
her. "Oh, dear me! I'm very sorry, but just munching
like this, you know, all of us, without speaking a word!
Oh, dear!" and she uses the expression that Mr. Wriford
had heard when he first spoke to Mrs. Bickers. "Oh,
dear, let's have a laugh!"
Mrs. Bickers glances at Mr. Wriford and says reprovingly:
"Oh, Essie!" But there is no help for it and no
avoiding its infection. Essie puts back her head and
goes into a ring of the brightest possible laughter, and
Mrs. Bickers laughs at her, and Mr. Bickers laughs at
her, and even Mr. Wriford smiles; and thereafter Essie
chatters without ceasing to her parents on an extraordinary
variety of topics connected with what she has done
or seen during the day, in every one of which she finds
subject for amusement and many times declares of
whatever it may be: "Oh, aren't they funny, though!
Let's have a laugh!"
Mr. Wriford smiles when she laughs—impossible
to avoid it. Otherwise he contributes nothing to the
chatter. This strange, this kind and happy and generous
ending to his day, acts upon him only in increasing
sensation of that upward swelling from his heart to his
throat that forbids him speech. He has the feeling that
if he talks his voice will break in tears—of weakness,
of wretchedness: nay, of worse than these—of their
very apotheosis. There is happiness here. There is
here, among these three, that which he is seeking, seeking
and cannot find. They have found it: what is it then?
It is all about them—shining in their faces, singing in
their words. He is not of it. He is outside it. They are
on the heights; he in the depths, the depths! Let him
not speak, let him not speak! If he speaks he must sob
and cry, get to his feet, while wondering they look at
him, and stare at them, and break from them and go.
If he so betrays himself he must cry at them: "What
have you found? Why are you happy? This kills me,
kills me, to sit here and watch you. Don't touch me.
None of you touch me. Let me go. Just let me go."
They seem to see his plight. They smile encouragingly
at him to draw him into their talk; Mr. Bickers,
when the women are clearing away, offers him a new clay
pipe and the tobacco jar. But they seem to understand.
They accept without comment or offence the negation
of these advances which he gives only by shaking his
head as they are made.
"Well, that's done!" says Essie, coming down from
the lodger's room after the supper has been cleared away.
"Bed made and everything nice and ready. One of the
castors of the bed is shaky, Dad. You'll have to see
to it in the morning. I can't think how I never noticed
it till now. Oh, those lodgers! They're fair cautions!"
Mrs. Bickers smiles at Mr. Wriford. "Well, I expect
you'd like to go straight to bed, wouldn't you now?"
Painful this distrust of his voice. He rises and
manages: "Yes, I would."
"You'll be ever so much better in the morning after a
good sleep. What about—" and Mrs. Bickers looks
at her husband.
"It's our custom," says Mr. Bickers in his deep
voice, "all to read a piece from the Bible before we go
to bed—all that sleep under this roof. We'll do it now
so you can get along. Essie, dear."
Essie puts chairs to the table, and then Bibles. The
immense Bible for Mr. Bickers, one but a little smaller
for Mrs. Bickers, and one for herself. "There's my
Church-service for you," says Essie to Mr. Wriford.
All the Bibles have a ribbon depending from them
whereat they are opened, and Essie finds the place for
Mr. Wriford. "Twenty-fourth Psalm," says Essie.
"My fav'rit. Isn't it a short one, though!"
"We read in turn," says Mr. Bickers. He has one
hand on the great Bible and stretches the other to
Mrs. Bickers, who takes it and holds it. Mr. Wriford sits
opposite them, then Essie, next her father on his other
side and snuggling against him, and they begin.
Mr. Bickers, very deep and slow and reverent:
"The earth is the Lord's and all that therein is: the
compass of the world and they that dwell therein."
Mrs. Bickers, very gently:
"For he hath founded it upon the seas, and prepared
it upon the floods."
Mr. Wriford. He is trembling, trembling, trembling.
They are waiting for him. They are looking at him.
Round swings the room, around and around. Who is
waiting? Who is looking? Others are here. He hears
the oldest sea-captain living, plainly as if he stood before
him in the room: "Matey! Matey!" He sees
Mr. Puddlebox, plainly as if he were here beside him.
"Wedge in, boy; wedge in!" They are surely here.
They are surely calling him. He is on the rock with the
sea about him. He is in the little room with the figure
on the bed. Darkness, darkness. Is this Puddlebox?
Is this Captain? Is he by the sea? Is he by the bed?
Round swings the darkness, around and around. He is
not! He is here! He is here where happiness is. They
are waiting for him. They are watching him. Wriford!
Wriford! He tries to read the words that swim before
his eyes. He must. They are very few. They are a
question. He must! Trembling he gives voice:
"Who shall ascend into the hill of the Lord: or who
shall rise up in his holy place?"
Essie, strong and clear and eager, emphasising the
first word as though strongly and directly she answered
him:
"Even he that hath clean hands, and a pure heart:
and that hath not lift up his mind unto vanity, nor sworn
to deceive his neighbour."
Mr. Bickers, as one that feels the words he reads,
and is sure of them:
"He shall receive the blessing from the Lord: and
righteousness from the God of his salvation."
Mrs. Bickers in gentle confirmation:
"This is the generation of them that seek him: even of
them that seek thy face, O Jacob."
His turn again. He cannot! Let him get out of this!
Let him away! This is not to be borne. Unendurable
this. What are they reading? Why have they chosen
these words. "Who shall ascend?" They know his
misery, then! They know the depths that he is in!
Hateful that they should know it, hateful, insufferable,
horrible. They see his state and have chosen words
that mean his state. He is exposed before them. Let
him away! Let him get out of this! They shall not
know! His turn. He cannot, cannot. They are
watching. They are waiting. Do they see how his face is
working? Do they see how he twists and twists his
hands? His turn. Ah, ah, he is in the depths, the
depths! He is physically, actually down, down—struggling,
gasping, suffocating. All this room and these
about him stand as it were above him—watching him,
waiting for him, knowing his misery. He is sinking,
sinking. He is in black and whirling darkness. There
is shouting in his ears. Let him away! Let him go!
Some one says: "Essie, dear."
Essie—strong and loud and clear, with tremendous
emphasis upon the first word as though her strong young
voice performed its meaning:
"Lift up your heads, O ye gates, and be ye lift up, ye
everlasting doors: and the King of glory shall come in."
He gets to his feet, overturning his chair. He stumbles
away, with blind eyes, with groping hands.
"Not that door!" cries Essie and runs to him.
"Here's the door. Here's the stairs. Look, here's
your candle."
He blunders up. He blunders to his room. He
extinguishes the candle. Let him have the dark, the
dark! He throws off his clothes, tearing them from him
as though they were his agonies. God, if he could but
tear these tortures so! He flings himself upon the bed
and trembles there and clutches there and thrusts the
sheet between his teeth to stay him crying aloud.
Inchoate thoughts that rend him, rend him! Unmeaning
cries that with the sheet he stifles. What, what
consumes him now? He cannot name it. What tortures
him? He does not know. Writhe, writhe in the bed;
and now it is the sea, and now the Infirmary ward, and
now the coffee-shop, and now the parlour. Ah, beat
down, beat down these torments! Ah, sit up and stare
into the darkness and rid the spirit, rid the mind, of all
these shapes and scenes that press about the pillow.
Has he slept? Is he sleeping? Why suffers he? What
racks him? In God's name what? In pity, in pity
what?
"Lift up your heads, O ye gates; and be ye lift up, ye
everlasting doors: and the King of glory shall come in."
Ah, ah!
He had determined, writhing in those tortures of that
night, at daybreak to get out of it. He had promised
himself, striving to subdue his mental torments, that
early morning, the house not yet astir, should see him
up and begone. Sleep betrayed him his promises and
his resolves. While he writhed and while he cried aloud
to sleep to come and rest his fevered writhings, she would
not be won. Towards morning she came to him. He
awoke to find daylight, sounds about the house, escape
impossible.
His reception at breakfast in the little parlour changed
his intention. His reception made the desertion that
now he intended immediately he could leave the house
as impossible as, now he saw, escape at daybreak had
been most base. He found in Mr. and Mrs. Bickers
and in Essie not the smallest trace of recognition that
his conduct upon the previous evening had been in the
smallest degree remiss. He found them proving in
innumerable little ways that, as Mrs. Bickers had told
him, they liked their lodgers to be "one of us
like." Mr. Bickers proposes to walk with him towards Tower
House School in order to show him short cuts that will
lessen the way by five minutes. Mrs. Bickers inquires
if she may go through his bundle to see if any buttons
or any darnings are required. Overnight he had been
made to put on a pair of Mr. Bickers' slippers. Essie
has put a new lace in one of his boots because one, when
she was polishing the boots, was "worn out a fair
treat." How can he run away from them without paying them
in face of such kindness and confidence as all this?
"Glad you like bacon," says Essie, helping him
generously from the steaming dish she brings from the
kitchen; and says to her mother: "Haven't some of our
lodgers bin fanciful, though? Oh, we haven't half had
some cautions!" and her eyes sparkle and her lips
twitch as though her merry mind is running over the
entertainment that some of the cautions have given.
No, there can be no desertion of his duties here after
this. They trust him. They accept him as "one of
us like." Already he is indebted to them. Until the
week is out he is penniless and unable to repay them.
When his week is up he can thank them and pay them
and go. Till then, at whatever cost—and he will
stiffen himself for the future; he was ill and
overwrought last night—he must stay and earn and settle
for the week for which he is committed.
"Ready?" says Mr. Bickers. "Time we was moving now."
Yes, he is quite ready. Essie runs to the shop door
to open it for them. Mrs. Bickers comes with them to
see them off. Some cows are being driven down the
street. Essie stops with hand on the door to watch
them. "Now, Essie," says Mr. Bickers. Two cows
lumber onto the pavement. Mr. Wriford sees Essie's
eyes sparkling and her lips twitching as she watches.
Mr. Bickers again: "Now, Essie dear—Essie!"
But Essie still watches. "Oh, jus' look at them!"
says Essie with a little squirm of her shoulders and then
turns round: "Aren't cows funny, though? Let's
have a laugh!"
There is nothing at all to laugh at that any of the
waiting three can see—except at Essie. Essie laughs
as though cows were indeed the very funniest things in
the world, and her laugh is impossible of resistance.
Mr. Bickers is smiling as they start down the street,
and Mr. Wriford is smiling also.
"She's such a bright one, our Essie," says Mr. Bickers.
"You must be very fond of her," says Mr. Wriford—"You
and Mrs. Bickers;" and Mr. Bickers replies
simply: "Why, I reckon our Essie is all the world to
us."
Mr. Wriford suits Mr. Pennyquick. Mr. Pennyquick,
indeed, as Mr. Wriford finds, is suited by anybody
and anything that permits him leisure in which
to nurse his ailment. His ailment requires rest which
he takes all day long on the sofa in his study; and his
ailment requires divers cordials which he keeps handily
within reach in long bottles under the sofa. He is an
outdoor man, as he tells Mr. Wriford when Mr. Wriford
comes into the study on some inquiry. He is all for
the open air and for sports; he only missed a double
Blue at Cambridge—Rugby football and cross-country
running—through rank favouritism, and he can't
bear to be seen taking physic. To look around his
room, says he, you'd never think he was a regular
drug-shop inside owing to these rotten doctors, would you?
Not a bottle of the muck to be seen anywhere. That's
because, says he, his breath exuding the muck in
pungent volumes, he hides the bottles through sheer
sensitiveness. He's feeling a wee bit brighter this
afternoon, thank goodness, and if Wriford, like a good chap,
would just start the First Form in their Caesar he'll
be in in about two ticks and take them over.
Poor fellow, he never does manage to get in in two
ticks or in any more considerable circumference of the
clock. Mr. Wriford, as he closes the study door, hears
the chink of bottle and glass and knows that the open-air
man will breathe no other air than that of his room
until he is able to grip his malady sufficiently to stagger
up to bed.
The trial week, indeed, is not many days old before
Mr. Wriford obtains a pretty clear comprehension of
the state of affairs at the Tower House and the
reputation of its Headmaster. "Pennyquick! Whiskyquick,
I call him," says Essie; and though her mother
reproves this levity, and though ill-natured gossip has
no exercise in the Bickers' establishment, even the
cert. plumber and his wife admit that the school is not what
it was, and speak of a time when there were forty or
fifty boys and several resident masters. There are only
twenty-four boys now—all boarders. There are no
day-boarders. The town knows its Mr. Pennyquick;
and the time cannot be far distant when the tradesmen
in different parts of the county, now attracted by the
past reputation of this "School for the Sons of
Gentlemen," also will know him for what he is. Six boys
left the Tower House at the end of the previous term;
five are leaving at the end of this. They are sorry to
go, Mr. Wriford finds, and at first rather wonders at
the fact. But the reason is clear before even the trial
week is out. The reason is that these twenty-four young
Sons of Gentlemen, dejected-looking as he had seen
them at play when he accosted Mr. Pennyquick, are
dejected also in spirit—morally abased, that is to say,
partly as coming from homes too snobbish to commit
them to the rough and tumble of local elementary or
grammar schools, and partly as being received into
the atmosphere emanated by their Headmaster at the
Tower House. They like the school. It suits them,
and therefore, wiser than they should be, they carry
no tales to their parents. They like the school. They
like the utter slackness and slovenliness of the place.
There is no discipline. There is scarcely a pretence
of education. They wash in the mornings not till after
they are dressed, Mr. Wriford finds, and they do not
appear to wash again all day. They are thoroughly
afraid of Mr. Pennyquick, but he scarcely ever visits
them, leaving them now entirely to Mr. Wriford as
formerly he left them to Mr. Wriford's predecessors
who seemed to have been much of a habit of mind and
character with themselves. Domestic arrangements
are looked after by Mr. Pennyquick's mother who is
a little, frightened grey wisp of a woman with hands
that shake like her son's, but shake for him and
because of him, Mr. Wriford discovers, not as a result of
similar ailment and remedy. She adores her son. She
is terrified of him. She is terrified for him. She sees
his livelihood and his manhood crumbling away,
simultaneously and disastrously swift, and what she can
do, by befoolment of parents in correspondence relative
to her son's ill-health and their own son's happiness
and success, by pathetic would-be befoolment of
Mr. Wriford on the same counts, and by lenient treatment of
the pupils, that does she daily and hourly to avert
the doom she sees.
Within the first days of the trial week Mr. Wriford's
duties fall into a regular routine. This is his trial week,
his temporary week, a week in which he comes to his
duties overwrought, shaken, uncertain and, thus
conditioned, is wretched in his performance of them.
Shortly before nine he presents himself at Tower House.
The boys are wandering dejectedly about the
playground. He passes nervously through them—they
do not raise their caps—and hides from them in the
schoolroom till the hour strikes on a neighbouring
church clock. Then Mr. Wriford rings a large hand-bell,
and the boys drift in at their leisure and take their
places on the benches. Sometimes, before Mr. Wriford
has finished ringing, Mr. Pennyquick, in gown and
untasselled mortar-board, comes charging across the
playground from the house, and there is then an alarmed
stampede on the part of the boys to get in before him
or to crowd in immediately upon his heels. Sometimes
there is a very long wait before the appearance of the
Headmaster; and Mr. Wriford, nervously irresolute
as to whether to ring again or to begin school without
him, stands wretched and self-conscious at his raised
desk while the boys titter and whisper, or throw paper
pellets, or look at him and—he knows—titter and
whisper at his expense. This is his trial week, his
temporary week. He is much overwrought in body and
in mind. He does not know what authority he should
show or how to show it. He hesitates till too late to
interfere with one outburst of horse-play or of giggling.
At the next he hesitates in doubt as to whether, having
overlooked the former, he can attempt to subdue this.
While he hesitates, and while the noise increases, and
while the humiliation and wretchedness it causes him
increase—in the midst of all this Mr. Pennyquick
charges in. Mr. Pennyquick is either unshaved and
looking the worse for it; or he has shaved and has cut
himself and dabs angrily at little tufts of cotton wool
that decorate his chin.
"Anderson!" barks Mr. Pennyquick, seizing the
roll-call book and a pencil but not looking at the one
or using the other. "Adsum," responds Anderson;
and Mr. Pennyquick barks through the roll, which he
knows by heart, much as if he were a sheep-dog with
each boy a sheep and each name a bark or a bite in
pursuit of it. He does not wait for responses. He
barks along in a jumble of explosions, interspersed with
a jumble of squeaked replies; punctuated at intervals,
as if it were part of the roll, by a very much louder bark
in the form of a fierce "SPEAK UP!" and concluded
by a rush without pause into prayers—Mr. Pennyquick
plumping suddenly upon his knees, much as if the
sheepdog had suddenly hurled itself upon the flock, and the
first portion of the devotions being lost in the din of
his pupils extricating themselves from their desks in
order to follow his example, much as if the flock had
responded by a panic stampede in every direction.
"Samuel Major," barks Mr. Pennyquick, as if he
were biting that young gentleman. "'Sum!" squeaks
Samuel Major, as if he were bitten.
"Minorsum - Smithsum - Stoopersum - Taylorsum—SPEAK
UP!—Tooveysum - Westsum - Whitesum—SPEAK
UP!—Williamssum - Wintersum - Woodsum -
Ourfatherchartinheavenhallo'edbeth'name ... Amen—SPEAK
UP!—mightyanmosmercifulfatherwethynunworthyservants
... Amen—SPEAK UP!"
The schoolroom is divided by a red baize curtain
into two parts. The scholars are divided into three
forms of which Form One is the highest. Mr. Pennyquick,
who knows the time-table of lessons by heart
just as he knows the roll-call, follows the last Amen
with a last "SPEAK UP!" and is himself followed in
haste and trepidation by the members of Form One
as he jumps from his knees and charges through the
curtain barking "Form One. Thursday. Euclid.
Blackboard. Come round the blackboard. Last
night's prep?"
"Twelfth proposition, sir," squeaks the boy whose
eye he has caught.
This—or the same point in whatever else the
subject may be—invariably marks the end of Mr. Pennyquick's
early morning energy. He begins to draw on
the blackboard or to find the place in a text-book. The
energy goes, or the recollection of his medicine begins,
and he changes his mind and barks: "Revise last
night's prep!" There is a stampede to the desks and a
burying in books. The Headmaster paces the room
between the wall and the curtain, barking a "WORK UP!"
at intervals and hesitating a little longer each time he
turns at the curtain. "WORK UP!" and he comes
charging through towards Mr. Wriford and the door.
"Keep an eye on Form One, Wriford. Draw the curtain.
I'm not quite the thing this morning. Take them
on for me if I'm not back in ten minutes, will you? I
ought to be in bed, you know. I shan't be long.
WORK UP!"
He is gone. He rarely appears again. If he appears
it is when clearly he is not quite the thing and is only
to skirmish a few times up and down the schoolroom
to the tune of "WORK UP! WORK UP!" or to show
himself on the playing-field, bellow "PLAY UP!" and
betake himself again to the treatment of his complaint.
He is gone. Mr. Wriford is left with all the three
forms in his charge. It is his trial week. He does not
know what authority he should show or how to show it.
He does not know what has been learnt or what is being
learnt, and he is cunningly or cheekily frustrated at
every attempt to discover it. In whatever way he
attempts to set work afoot an excuse is found to stop him.
By one boy he is told that "please, sir," they do not do
this, and by another that "please, sir," they have never
done the other. He has neither sufficient strength of
himself nor sufficient certainty of his position to insist.
Without advice, without support, he is left very much
at the mercy of the three forms, and they show him
none. While he tries to settle one form it is under the
distractions and the interruptions of the other two.
When he turns to one of these the first joins the third in
idleness and disorder. At eleven o'clock he is informed
"Please, sir, we have our break now," and there is a
stampede for the door without awaiting his assent.
Similarly at half-past twelve, when morning school ends,
and similarly again at four and at half-past seven, which
are the terminations of afternoon school and of evening
preparation. There is no asking his permission. His
position is exactly summarised by this—that the boys
know the rules and customs, he does not; and further
by this—that while he remains miserably uncertain of
the extent of his authority and of how he should assert
it, they, by that very uncertainty, well estimate its
limits and hourly, with each advantage gained, more
narrowly confine it, more openly defy him.
At one o'clock there is lunch. Sometimes Mr. Pennyquick
is present as the boys assemble, and then they
assemble in timid silence and eat with due regard to
manners. Sometimes he does not appear till midway
through the meal, till when there is greedy and noisy
and slovenly behaviour, which frightened-looking
Mrs. Pennyquick attempts occasionally to check with a
timid: "Hush, boys," or upon which she looks with
nervously indulgent smiles. There is painfully evident
in all her dealings with the boys a dread amounting to
a lively terror that anything shall be done to displease
them. Mr. Wriford soon realises that her hourly fear
is of a boy writing home anything that may lead to
parental inquiry and thence to the disclosure of her
son's affliction. In out-of-school hours she frequently
visits the schoolroom and looks anxiously at any boy
who may be engaged in writing. Mr. Wriford at first
wonders why. He understands when one day, passing
behind a boy thus occupied, she stops and says:
"Writing home, Charlie? That's a good boy. Do tell your
father that Mr. Pennyquick only this morning was
telling me what a good boy you are at your lessons and how
well you are getting on. Write a nice letter, dear.
Would you like to come with me a minute and see if
I can find some sweeties in my cupboard? Come along,
then."
With like purpose it is in fearful apprehension that
she watches her son's face and his every movement when
he is at the luncheon table. Mr. Wriford sees her look
up with face in agony of misgiving when the Headmaster
comes in late, sees her eyes ever upon him in
constant dread as he sits opposite her at the head of
the table. There does not appear great cause for
nervousness. As a rule the Headmaster sits glowering and
glum and fires off no more than, his own plate being
empty, an occasional "EAT UP!" Sometimes he is
boisterously cheerful. Whatever his mood he never
omits one very satisfactory tribute to his own
principles in which his mother joins very happily and
impressively. It takes this form. Immediately
Mr. Pennyquick sits down he calls in a very loud voice for
the water to be passed to him. He then fills his glass
from such a great height as to make all the boys laugh,
then drinks, then sets down the tumbler with a sharp
rap, and then says to Mr. Wriford: "I don't know if
you're a beer-drinker, Wriford, but I'm afraid we can't
indulge you here. I never touch anything but water
myself. I attribute every misery, every failure in life,
to drink, and I will allow it in no shape or form beneath
my roof. I can give no man a better motto than my own
motto: Stick to Water!"
Mr. Pennyquick then drinks again with great
impressiveness, and Mrs. Pennyquick at once cries: "Boys,
listen to that! Always remember what Mr. Pennyquick
says and always say it was Mr. Pennyquick who told
you. Stick to Water is Mr. Pennyquick's motto, and
he never, never allows drink in any shape or form
beneath his roof. Why, do you know—I must tell them
this, dear—a doctor once ordered Mr. Pennyquick
just a small glass of wine once a day, and Mr. Pennyquick
said to him: 'Doctor, I know I'm very ill; but
if wine is the only thing to save me, then, doctor, I must
die, for wine I do not and will not touch.'"
All eyes in great admiration on this unflinching
champion of hydropathy, who modestly concludes the scene
with a loud: "EAT UP!"
Afternoon school, in its idleness, inattention, and
indiscipline, is a repetition of the morning. Preparation
from six to half-past seven again discovers irresolution,
uncertainty and wretchedness set in the midst of those
who by every device increase it and advantage themselves
from it. At four o'clock it is Mr. Wriford's duty
to keep an eye on the boys while they disport themselves
in the field where he had first seen them; at half-past
five is tea; at shortly before eight Mr. Wriford is
making his way to where supper awaits in the cheerful
parlour behind the little shop of the cert. plumber.
Thither he goes through the darkness; and, as one in
darkness that gropes for light, can see no light, and
dreads the sudden leap of some assault, so trembles he
among the dark oppressions of his mind.
These are evenings of early summer, and they have
early summer's dusky veils draped down from starry
skies. Her pleasant scents they have, her gentle airs,
her after-hush of all her daylight choirs. They but
enfever Mr. Wriford. Her young nights, these, that
not arrest her days but softly steal about her, finger on
lip attend her while she sleeps, then snatch their filmy
coverlets while eastward she rubs her smiling eyes,
springs from her slumber, breaks into music all her
morning hymns, and up and all about in sudden radiance
rides, rides in maiden loveliness. Ah, not for him!
These are young nights that greet him as he leaves
the school. In much affliction he cries out upon their
stilly peace. Look, here that new year in summer is,
her peace, her happiness attained, that from the windows
of the ward at Pendra he had watched blown here and
there, mocked, trampled on, caught by the throat and
thrust beneath the iron ground in variance with winter's
jealousy. In her he had envisaged his own stress.
Look, here she reigns in happy peace, in ordered quiet:
he?
He moans a little as he walks. There is something
in life that he has missed, and to its discovery he
can bring no more than this—that it rests not in
violent disregard of what happens to him or what he
does, for that he has proved empty; nor rests in the
ease that, by communication with London, might be
his, for that inflicts return to the old self, hatred and
fear of whom had driven him away. Where then? And
then it is he moans. His mind presents him none but
these alternatives; his mind, when miserably he rejects
them, threateningly turns them upon him in forms of
fear. "Well, you have got to live," his mind threatens
him. "To-morrow you shall perhaps be turned out
from this post at the school. You will have to face anew
some means of life; you will have to suffer what has to
be suffered in that part; face men and submit to their
treatment of such as you, or face them and find
fierceness sufficient to defy them."
"No, no!" he cries. "No, no!" He fears his powers
of endurance, fears that beneath those trials he will be
driven back to where is turned upon him the other
threat. "Well, you must go back," his thoughts
threaten him. "Money and comfort await you in
London for your asking. You must go back to what
you were. Live at ease in seclusion, if you will; ah,
with your old way of life to tell you hourly that now
it has you chained—that now you have tried escape,
proved it impossible, and never again can escape it!"
He cries aloud: "No, no!" He moans for his abject
hopelessness. He trembles for his fears at these his
threats. Under his misery he wanders away from the
direction of the little plumber's shop, hating to enter
it and to its brightness expose his suffering; under his
fears he hastens to it, clinging to this present occupation
lest, losing it, one of the threats that threaten him
unsheaths its sword upon him.
When, by these vacillations, he is late for the supper
hour, Essie will be at the shop door watching for him.
"Well, aren't you half late, though!" cries Essie. "I
was jus' goin' to dish up. Oh, you lodgers, you know,
you're fair cautions!"
"I was kept late," he says.
"Well, you weren't half walking slow when you come
round the corner, though." She sees his face more
clearly in the light of the shop and she says: "Oh,
dear, you don't look half tired! My steak-and-kidney
pudding, that's what you want! Here he is, Dad! Get
his slippers, Mother? That old Whiskyquick's been fair
tiring him out!"
She runs to the kitchen and in a minute calls out:
"All ready? Oh, it's cooked a fair treat!" She bears
in the steaming steak-and-kidney pudding, sets it on the
table, but stops while above the bubbling crust she
poises her knife and watches it with her little twitches
of her lips and with her sparkling eyes.
"Come, Essie," says Mrs. Bickers.
"Oh, isn't it funny, though," says Essie, "all
bubbling and squeaking! Let's have a laugh!"
It is by a very surprising and extraordinary event
that, from the abyss of wretchedness, irresolution and
humiliation of the trial week at Tower House School,
Mr. Wriford finds himself lifted to the plane of its
extension by week and week of ever increasing stability
and assurance; finds himself suiting Mr. Pennyquick;
finds himself in a new phase in which there develop new
emotions.
This event is no less remarkable, no less apparently
cataclysmal to his position in the school and to the
school itself, than a tremendous box upon the ear which,
early in his second week, Mr. Wriford administers to a
First Form pupil whose name is Cupper and whose face
is fat and dark and cunning.
Morning school, very shortly after the Headmaster
with a loud "WORK UP!" has left his class "for ten
minutes," is the hour of this amazement. A week's
experience of the new assistant-master has opened to
the pupils unbounded lengths of impertinence and
indiscipline to which they can go; and the door has no
sooner banged behind Mr. Pennyquick than they
proceed to explore them..
A favourite form of this sport is to badger Mr. Wriford
with requests, and it is done the more noisily and
impertinently by strict observation of the rule established
in all schools on the point. At once, that is to
say, Mr. Pennyquick having left the room, there
uprises a forest of arms, a universal snapping of fingers
and thumbs, and a chorus that grows to a babel of:
"Please, sir! Please, sir! Please, sir!"
One "Please, sir" is that there is no ink, another to
borrow a knife to sharpen a pencil, another to find a
book, another to open a window, another to shut it.
Mr. Wriford tries to pick out a particular request and
to answer it; he calls for silence and is responded to
with louder "Please, sirs!" He thinks to stop the din
by ignoring it, turns his back upon the noise and cleans
the blackboard, and this is the signal for changing the
note to a general wail of: "Oh, please, sir!—Oh,
please, sir!—Oh, please, sir!"
Master Cupper carries the sport to a length hitherto
unattempted. Master Cupper rises to his feet and with
snapping finger and thumb calls very loudly: "Please,
sir! Please, sir!"
"Sit down, Cupper!"
"But, please, sir; please, sir!"
"Sit down!" and Mr. Wriford turns again to the
blackboard. He is quite aware, though he cannot see,
what is happening. He knows that Cupper has left
his place and is approaching him with uplifted hand and
persistent "Please, sir!" He knows that Cupper is
close behind him and, from the laughter, that doubtless
he is misbehaving immediately behind his back. He
turns and catches Cupper with fingers extended from
his nose. He does not know whether to pretend he has
not seen it, or how, if he should not overlook it, to deal
with it. His face works while he tries to decide. Cupper
should have been warned. Cupper is not. Cupper's
fat face grins impudently, and Cupper says: "Please,
sir."
"Go and sit down," says Mr. Wriford, trying not
to speak miserably, trying to speak sternly.
"But, please, sir!"
And thereupon, as hard as he can hit, stinging his
own hand with the force of the blow, putting into it all
he has suffered in this room during the week, Mr. Wriford
hits Master Cupper so that there is a tolerable
interval in which Master Cupper reels somewhere into
the middle of next month before Master Cupper can
so much as howl.
Then Master Cupper howls. Master Cupper, hand
to face, opens his mouth to an enormous cavern and
discharges therefrom four separate emotions in one
immense, shattering, wordless blare of terror and of fury,
of anguish and of surprise. Scarcely all the boys
shouting together could have surpassed this roar of the
stricken Cupper, and they sit aghast, and Mr. Wriford
stands aghast, while tremendously it comes bellowing
out of the Cupper throat. Then bawls Cupper: "I'll
tell Mr. Pennyquick!" and out and away he charges,
roaring through playground and into house as he goes
as roars a rocket into the night. Fainter and more
distant comes the roar, then, true to its rocket character,
and to the consternation of those who listen, culminates
in a muffled explosion of sound and in a moment comes
roaring back again pursued by Mr. Pennyquick who
also roars and drives it before him with blows from a
cane.
Woe is Cupper! Cupper, for appreciation of this
astounding sequel, must be followed as, hand to face,
from assistant-master to Headmaster bellowing he goes.
Blindly the stricken Cupper charges through the study
door, slips on the mat, and blindly charges headlong
into Mr. Pennyquick.
Then is the explosion that comes muffled to the
listening schoolroom. First Cupper, shot head first into
Mr. Pennyquick's waistcoat, knows that his head is
lavishly anointed with strongly smelling medicine which
Mr. Pennyquick is pouring into a tumbler from a very
large medicine bottle labelled "Three Star (old);"
next that his unwounded cheek and ear have suffered
an earthquake compared with which that received by
their fellows from Mr. Wriford was in the nature of a
caress; next that with a bottle and a broken glass he is
rolling on the floor; then, most horrible of all, that
Mr. Pennyquick is springing round the room bellowing:
"WHERE CANE? WHERE CANE? WHERE CANE?"
There is then a pandemonic struggle between
Mr. Pennyquick, a cupboard, a cataract of heterogeneous
articles which pour out of it upon him, and a bashful
cane which refuses to emerge; and there is finally on
the part of Master Cupper a ghastly realisation of his
personal concern in this terrifying struggle and the
part for which he is cast on its termination. Invigorated
thereby, up springs Master Cupper, bawling, and
plunges for the door, and simultaneously out comes the
cane, and on comes Mr. Pennyquick, bawling, and
plunges after him. Master Cupper takes three appalling
cuts of the cane in the embarrassment of getting
through the doorway, two at each turn of the passages,
a shower in the death-trap offered by the open
playground, and comes galloping, a hand to each side of his
face, into the shuddering schoolroom, bawling: "Save
me! Save me!" and leading by the length of the cane
Mr. Pennyquick, with flaming face and streaming gown,
who cuts at him with bellows of: "FLOG you! FLOG you!"
The circuit of the schoolroom is thrice described with
incredible activity on the part of Cupper, and with
enormous havoc of boys, books, forms, and blackboards
on the part of Mr. Pennyquick. The air is filled with
dust, impregnated with Three Star (old). Finally,
and with an exceeding bitter cry, Master Cupper
hurls himself beneath a desk where Mr. Pennyquick
first ineffectually slashes at him, then thrusts at him
as with a bayonet, and then, to the great horror of all,
turns his attention to the room in general. Up and
down the rows of desks charges Mr. Pennyquick, hacking
at crouching boys with immense dexterity, right and
left, forehand and backhand, as a trooper among
infantry; bellows "WORK UP! WORK UP!" with each
slash, and with a final cut and thrust at a boy endeavouring
to conceal himself behind a large wall map, and
a final roar of "WORK UP!" disappears in a whirlwind
of streaming gown and flashing cane.
The schoolroom clock has not altered five minutes
between the first roar of unhappy Cupper, tingling
beneath Mr. Wriford's hand, and the sobbing groans
that now he emits crouching beneath his sheltering
desk. Yet in that period the whole atmosphere of Tower
House School is drastically and permanently changed.
There stands in his place the assistant-master, momentarily
expecting summary dismissal, yet, while to anticipate
it he debates immediate departure, conscious that
the whole room whose butt he has been now cowers
beneath his eye and shudders at his slightest movement.
There tremble on their benches the pupils who in this
appalling manner have seen first the iron discipline of
their assistant-master and next, most surprisingly and
most horribly, his terrific support by Mr. Pennyquick.
In the study there rocks upon his feet the Headmaster
endeavouring to drown in Three Star (old) the memory
of the exhibition he has given, and thinking of
Mr. Wriford, in so far as he is capable of coherent thought,
only in the aspect of one who must be implored to keep
the school together while the outbreak of fury is
explained and lived down by its perpetrator taking to
his bed and his mother reporting a sudden breakdown.
Unhappy Cupper, it is to be remarked, martyred in
his poor throbbing flesh for the production of this new
atmosphere, is directly responsible for the several
delusions on which it is in large measure based, in that he
is firmly convinced that he told the Headmaster why
he was come howling to his study and is assured therefore
that it was the reason, not the manner, of his entry
that earned him his subsequent flight for life paid for
so horribly as he ran. The boys believe he made his
appeal and, in the result of it, are tremblingly resolved
to take any punishment from Mr. Wriford rather than
follow Cupper's example of inviting Mr. Pennyquick's
interference. Mr. Wriford believes his blow was
reported and awaits dismissal for his loss of temper. And
finally it is the belief of Mr. Pennyquick that Cupper
made a wilful and groundless entry to his study and
that he was surprised thereby into a violence in which
(said he to Three Star [old]): "God alone knows what
I did."
It is while the first onset of these thoughts pursue
their several victims that Master Cupper, under terror
of his own portion in them, creeps snuffling from his
hiding-place to his seat; and to his own seat also, on
tiptoe, very timidly, the young gentleman who had
taken shelter behind the wall map. Mr. Wriford makes
a sudden movement with the intention of leaving the
Tower House before he is dismissed from it. A convulsion
passes through the pupils. They glue their heads
above their books. Immediately they are in a paroxysm
of study, each separate minute of which surpasses in
intensity the combined labours of any week the Tower
House has known since its Headmaster was forced to
take to medicine.
Mr. Wriford remains in his seat to watch this
extraordinary scene. The hour of the recreation interval
comes and goes. Not a boy so much as lifts his head.
The close of morning school shows itself upon the clock.
Not a boy moves. This is the serenest period Mr. Wriford
has known since ever the train from London brought
him here a fortnight ago. It is a grim eye he sets upon
the devoted heads of his toiling pupils. He hates them.
For what they have made him endure in these days he
hates them one and all, wholly and severally. He has a
relish of their desperate industry beneath his observation.
He has a relish that is an actual physical pleasure
in this utter silence, in this feeling that here—for the
first time since God alone knows when—he is where
he rules and is not hunted. He leans back in his chair
in sheer enjoyment of it. He closes his eyes and delights
that he is utterly still.
The luncheon bell rings. Mr. Wriford goes to the
door and opens it and stands by it. Very quietly, file
by file from the rows of desks, with bent heads and with
the gentle movements of well trained lambs, the boys
pass out before him.
He follows them, and, neither Mr. nor Mrs. Pennyquick
appearing, presides at a meal over which there
broods, as it were, a solemn and religious hush.
It is Essie who helps Mr. Wriford carry forward the
advantage that Master Cupper has gained him.
Mr. Pennyquick did not show himself throughout the
remainder of the day. The expected dismissal for having
struck Master Cupper—awaited in the grim satisfaction
of grovellingly docile pupils throughout afternoon
school and evening preparation—is deferred, therefore,
as Mr. Wriford supposes, until the morrow; and in the
morning he finds himself mentioning it to Essie.
He is the reverse of talkative with the Bickers household.
The oppression that nightly he brings home from
Tower House sits heavily upon him in the bright little
parlour, intensified, as on his first evening there, rather
than relieved by it. He always dreads the ordeal of
the Bible reading. He always escapes to bed immediately
it is over. At breakfast he has excuse to hurry
over his meal and hurry from the house. On this
morning, however, Essie comes to breakfast dressed in hat
and jacket. She is going to spend the day with friends
in a neighbouring town. She has to start for her train
as Mr. Wriford starts for his work and, as his way lies
past the railway station, "Why, we'll jus' skedaddle
together," says Essie.
He cannot refuse. Facing the dismissal he anticipates,
he more than ever desires to be alone; but Essie
takes their companionship on the way for granted, and
presently is chattering by his side of whom she is going
to see, and what a long time it is since she has seen them,
and appearing not at all to notice that he gives her no
response. She is wonderfully gay and excited, her
cheeks flushed, and her eyes even more radiant than
commonly they sparkle. She has new gloves, which
she shows him, turning the hand next him this way and
that for their better display and announcing them "not
half a bargain at one-an'-eleven-three, considering I
never had this dress then to match 'em by;" and she
has a linen coat and skirt of lilac shade and a hat of
blue flowers in which she looks quite noticeably pretty;
and she looks at herself in all the shop windows as she
chatters and appears to be more delighted than ever
at what she sees reflected there.
"Don't think I shall miss the train, do you?" says
Essie. "Takes me a long time to say good-bye to
Mother and Dad through not liking leavin' them alone all
day. Don't think it's very unkind, do you, jus' once in
a way, you know? You'd never think how I hate doin'
it, though."
These are questions, in place of chattering information,
and Mr. Wriford feels he must come out of his
own thoughts to answer them. He chooses the first
and tells her—his first words since they left the shop:
"You've plenty of time. It takes exactly nine minutes
to the station. I notice it by the big clock every day."
"Well, that's safe as the Bank of England then,"
declares Essie. "Plenty of time," and she takes advantage
of it to stop deliberately for a moment and twitch
her veil in front of a tobacconist's shining window.
Mr. Wriford pauses for her, and she turns dancing eyes
to him when she has settled her veil to her liking. "Isn't
it funny, though, seeing yourself with pipes and all in
your face? Let's have a laugh!"
He does not join her in the merry laugh she enjoys;
and suddenly he is aware that she is regarding him
curiously, and then that she is making the first personal
remark she has ever addressed to him. "You aren't
half one of the solemn ones," says Essie.
It is then that he tells her: "Well, I'm on my way
to be dismissed. There's not much joke in that."
Essie gives a little exclamation and stops abruptly,
her face all concern. "Oh, you don't say!"
"Yes, I do. Come on."
"The proper sack?"
"Come along. You'll miss your train."
"Oh, bother the old train!" cries Essie. "That's
fair done it. I shan't be half miserable thinking of you."
"Why should you?" says Mr. Wriford indifferently.
She replies: "Well, did you ever! Me going off to
enjoy myself and thinking of you getting the sack! Oh,
that old Whiskyquick, he's a caution!"
"But there's no earthly need for you to mind."
"Why, of course there is," says Essie. "Especially
with me going off on a beano like this. Of course there
is. My goodness, I know what it is for a lodger when
he gets the sack! Whyever didn't you tell us before—all
of us? Then we might have talked it over, and ten
to one Dad could have advised you. I've seen Dad get
a lodger out of a mess before now. Just tell me.
Whatever is it for?"
"I hit one of the boys."
Essie's eyes wince as though herself she felt the
blow. "Not hard?"
"As hard as ever I could."
"Oh, dear!" says Essie reproachfully. "You never
ought to do that, you know. Just a slap—that's
nothing. I've fetched one of my Sunday-school boys
a slap before now. But losing your temper, you know!"
"He wanted it," said Mr. Wriford.
"That's what you think," says Essie. "Well,
never mind about that now. Just tell me."
He tells her. He finds himself less indifferent to her
sympathy as he proceeds. He finds it rather a relief
to be telling her of it—rather pleasantly novel to be
telling anybody anything. He tells her from the
moment of his blow at Cupper, and why the blow was
struck, to the furious onset of Mr. Pennyquick,
slashing among the boys with his cane—the humourous
aspect of which he for the first time perceives and
laughs at—and he finds himself, as he concludes,
rather leaning towards the sympathy he expects.
But the sympathy is not for him; nor does Essie,
who usually can see a joke in nothing at all, laugh at
Mr. Pennyquick's wild gallop among his pupils.
"Oh, those poor boys!" says Essie. "Don't I just
feel sorry for them!"
"You wouldn't if you knew them."
"Wouldn't I, though! I wish I had half your
chance!"
He asks her impatiently, irritated at the unexpected
attitude she has taken: "My chance at what?"
"Why, your chance to make them happy. Why,
they're not boys at all. I think it every time I see
them."
"No, they're little fiends."
"That's silly talk," says Essie rather sharply. "I
daresay you'd be a fiend, for that matter, with that
old toad of a Whiskyquick not to care what happens to
you except to frighten you to death."
Mr. Wriford says coldly: "I didn't know we were
talking about the boys. You asked me to tell you—"
"Oh," cries Essie, "don't you get a crosspatch now!
I know it was about your sack we were talking, and I am
sorry, truly and reely sorry. But, look here, I don't
believe you'll get it, you know. I believe old
Whiskyquick's that ashamed of himself he won't show his face
for a week. An' I don't believe he even knows you hit
that poor what's-his-name—Cupper?—so there! I
believe he hit him for disturbing him, and I daresay
catching him drinking, before the poor little fellow
could speak. I do reely. Look here—"
They have reached the station and Essie stops outside
the booking-office. "Look here, I tell you what
there is to it. Don't you worry about the sack. Ten
to one you won't get it till he's got some one instead of
you, anyway. Just you don't worry. It only makes it
worse, like when you're going to have a tooth out.
You see if you can't make those poor boys happy.
Why, you know, when I first had my Sunday-school
class, oh, they were cautions! They'd never had any
one to be kind to them, jus' like your boys. I told 'em
stories, and told 'em games, and took 'em a walk every
time, and showed 'em things, and you'd never believe
how good they are now. You just try. I mean to say,
whatever's the good of anybody if you don't try to
make other folk happy, is there? Oh, there's my train
signalled. Goo'-by. I shan't half think how you're
getting on. I say, though—" and Essie, who has been
extraordinarily grave in this long speech, begins to
sparkle in her eyes again.
"Yes," says Mr. Wriford.
"You haven't got a minute to buy my ticket?"
"I'll get your ticket, of course."
"That's fine." She counts him some money from
her purse. "Third return Wilton, excursion. Mind
you say excursion. One and tuppence. Here comes
the puffer."
Mr. Wriford says "excursion;" and then Essie, by
hanging back as the train comes in, indicates clearly
enough that she would like him also to find her a
carriage. When she is in and leaning from the window
she explains the reason of these manoeuvres.
"Thanks awfully," says Essie and whispers: "You
know, I like people to see me with a young man to fuss
me about."
Mr. Wriford's smile is the first expression of real
amusement he has known in many long months. As
the train begins to move he raises his hat. "Oh, thanks
awfully," cries Essie, immensely pleased. "Remember
what I said. I shan't half think how you're getting on.
Mind you remember! Goo'-bye! Goo'-bye!"
He remembers. Mr. Pennyquick's manner at roll-call
and prayers distinctly bears out all three of Essie's
conjectures, and that helps him to remember. The
Headmaster charges through the names and through the
devotions even more rapidly than usual. At their
termination he does not even indulge the pretence of
taking Form One in a lesson. "Amen—WORK UP!"
concludes Mr. Pennyquick and turns at once to
Mr. Wriford. "Can you possibly take them all this
morning, Wriford? Just for once. I absolutely ought to be
in bed. I'm on the very verge of a breakdown. You
saw what happened to me yesterday. I really don't
know what I'm doing. The doctor insists on a little
wine, but I'm fighting against it. Perhaps I'm wrong.
But you know my principles. If you could just look
after them till lunch." He strides to the door, opens it,
closes it again, strides back and glares upon his pupils,
strained over their books. "WORK UP!" and then
more threateningly, more hoarsely than ever: "WORK
UP! WORK UP!" and then to the door and a last
"WORK UP!" and then discharges himself from view
as abruptly as if Three Star (old) had stretched a hand
across the playground and grabbed him out.
Thus are proved, as Mr. Wriford reflects, seated in
the shivering silence that remains after the Headmaster's
disappearance, two of Essie's beliefs. Mr. Pennyquick
is obviously ashamed of himself—apprehensive of the
results upon his boys and upon his assistant-master of
his yesterday's exhibition and seeking by greater fierceness
to coerce the one and by pitiable excuses to cajole
the other; obviously also he projects no summary
measures against Mr. Wriford—likely enough, indeed, is
ignorant of cause of offence. There remains Essie's
third premise: that the boys are wretched and to be
pitied; and with it her advice that it is for Mr. Wriford
to make them happy. He remembers. He looks on
them, cowed before him, with the new eyes of these
instructions, and for the first time since he has assumed
his position here sees them, not as little fiends who have
made his life a burden, but as luckless unfortunates
whose lives have themselves been burdensome under
one tyrant, and who now believe themselves delivered
over to another.
He remembers. He remembers Essie's Sunday-school
boys who were "little cautions" until she told
'em stories and showed 'em games and took 'em
for walks and showed 'em things; and suddenly
Mr. Wriford sits upright and says briskly: "Look
here!"
There is a sharp catching at breaths all about the
room, a nervous jump—a panic apprehension, clearly
enough, that this is the prelude to repetition of yesterday's
violence. It makes Mr. Wriford feel very sorry.
He remembers Essie's "Poor little fellows. I don't
feel half sorry for them." He contrasts their dejected
and aimless and slipshod and now frightened ways
with his own bright school-days. He gets up and steps
down from the platform on which his desk is raised and
stands amongst them, his hands in his pockets, feeling
curiously confident and easy. "Look here," says
Mr. Wriford, "let's chuck work this morning and have a
talk. We ought to be jolly good pals, you know,
instead of messing about like we've been doing ever since
I came. When I was at school we used to be frightful
pals with our masters. Of course we couldn't stick
'em in Form sometimes, but out of school they were
just like one of us. They played footer and all that
with us, and the great thing was to barge them like
blazes, especially if one had had a sock over the ear
like poor old Cupper there."
First surprise; then a nervous giggle here and there;
then more general giggling; now all turning towards
Master Cupper (very red and sheepish), and very
cheerful giggling everywhere.
Rather jolly, thinks Mr. Wriford, and proceeds:
"How is old Cupper, this morning, by the way?
Cupper, you and I ought to shake hands, you know," and
Mr. Wriford strolls down to Master Cupper, and they
shake, Master Cupper grinning enormously. "That's
all right. You and I are pals, anyway. You and I
versus the rest in future, Cupper, if they get up to any
of their larks. You were a silly young ass, you know,
yesterday, cocking a snook at me behind my back.
That's absolutely what you'd expect a Board School
kid to do. What's your father, Cupper?"
"Please, sir, he's an auctioneer," says Cupper.
"Auctioneer, is he? Well, you look out he doesn't
sell you one of these days, my boy, if you go cocking
snooks all over the place."
Immensely delighted laughter at this brilliant flash
of wit, and Mr. Wriford sits easily on Cupper's desk
with his feet on the form before him and goes on. "You
know, you're all rather young asses, you are, really.
You don't work in school, and you don't play out of it.
Why, hang it, you don't even play cricket. You're
keen on cricket, aren't you?"
Enthusiastic exclamations of "Rather!"
"Well, you go fiddling about with rounders—a
girl's game; and you don't even play that as
if you meant it. Why on earth don't you play
cricket?"
"Please, sir," says some one, "we haven't got any
proper bats and wickets."
"Man alive," says Mr. Wriford, "you've got some
stumps and a ball, and I've seen an old bat kicking
about. What more do you want? Tell you what,
we'll start right away and get up Cricket Sixes—single
wicket, six a side. They're a frightful rag. We can
get three—four teams of six boys each. Each team
plays all the rest twice to see which is the champion.
We'll keep all the scores in an exercise book and call
it the Tower House Cricket League. I'll be scorer
and umpire. Come on, we'll pick the Sixes right
away."
Up to his desk Mr. Wriford goes amidst a buzzing
of delight and gets a clean exercise book and then
says: "Half a moment, though. We ought to have a
Captain of the School, you know, and some
Prefects—Monitors. The Captain will be my right-hand man,
and the Prefects will be his. We'll vote for him. That's
the best way. Each of you chaps write down the man
you think ought to be the Captain, and then old Cupper
will collect the papers and bring them to me, and we'll
count them together."
It is done amid much excitement, and presently
Mr. Wriford hails Abbot as Captain of the School, and up
comes Abbot, loudly applauded, a red-headed young
gentleman of pleasant countenance, to shake hands
with Mr. Wriford and with him to select the Prefects.
Three Prefects, Mr. Wriford thinks, and says: "I vote
we have old Cupper for one."
"And Toovey," says Abbot.
"Right, Toovey. And what about Samuel Major?
He looks a bit of a beefer. Well now," continues
Mr. Wriford, thoroughly interested, "you four chaps had
better each be captain of one of the Cricket Sixes.
We'll pick them next. They must all be as equal as
possible."
This takes quite a long time, but is satisfactorily
settled at last and the names written down in the
exercise-book and the first two matches arranged for
that afternoon: Abbot's versus Toovey's, and Samuel
Major's v. Cupper's. Then "Good Lord," says
Mr. Wriford, looking at the clock, "it's nearly lunch time.
I vote we chuck it now and go and look out these stumps
and things and find a decent pitch. Half a minute,
though. You, Abbot, you know, and you three Prefect
chaps must remember what you are and must help me
to keep order and to see that no one plays the fool in
school or out, and all that kind of thing; and you other
chaps must jolly well obey them. This afternoon, for
instance, we'll have a talk about work and see just
where we all stand and make up our minds to work like
blazes. Well, while I'm fixing up Form Three, you
must see that Form One doesn't play the goat, Abbot,
and you, Samuel, must look after Form Two. See the
idea of the thing? Work is jolly interesting, you know,
if you go at it properly, like I'll show you. Some
subjects—like geography for instance—we'll take all
together, and that'll be quite a rag. We're simply going
to pull up our socks and work like blazes and play like
blazes, too. See? Come on, let's get those cricket
things fixed up."
Out they go. Mr. Wriford holding Abbot's arm, and
other boys clinging about him—out to the field where
first from the roadside he had seen them dejected and
listless, and where now they run before him, keen,
excited, eager, taken right out of their old sorry
habits.
He, also, the first time in many months, out of himself
removed.
Mr. Wriford goes back to the plumber's shop that
night occupied with plans for developing on the morrow
the interests of the Cricket Sixes, the Captaincy, the
Prefects, and the new schedule of lessons drawn up
during the afternoon. Essie is home before him,
chattering more volubly and more brightly than ever by
reason of her doings with her friends and her day-long
desertion of Mother and Dad. She runs to the shop
door when she hears Mr. Wriford and greets him eagerly.
"You never got the sack, did you?"
"No, he never said a word. I believe you were right
about him being rather ashamed."
Essie does a little dance of joy and claps her hands.
"Oh, if I'm not lucky, though!" cries Essie. "That
was the one thing would have spoilt the fair jolly old
time I've had, and there it's turned out A1 just like
all the rest!"
Mr. Wriford tells her: "It's very nice of you to be
glad about it."
"Why, of course I'm glad," cries Essie. "That's
just finished up my day a treat! Now you won't half
enjoy the things I've brought home for supper from
my young lady friends. I was afraid—oh, you don't
know what it is to have a lodger about the house when
he's lost his job! They're fair cautions, lodgers are,
when they've got the sack!"
And later in the evening, when he sees Essie sitting
and looking before her with her eyes smiling and her
lips twitching, she suddenly looks up, and catching
his gaze, reveals that it is of him she is thinking. "You
weren't half in the dumps, though, were you?" she
says. "Isn't it funny, though, when a thing's turned
out A1, to look back and see what a state you were in?
Isn't it, though? Let's have a laugh!"
The morrow finds eager pupils awaiting Mr. Wriford,
and eager work and eager play, and again in the evening
he is returning to the plumber's shop occupied with the
plans for the next day thrown up by these new developments.
So it is also on the following day, and so the next,
and so by day and day and week and week. Interestedly
and swiftly the time in these preoccupations
passes. He is quite surprised to find one evening that
weeks to the number of half the term have gone.
Captain of the School Abbot brings it to his notice; and
on arrival at Tower House next morning Mr. Wriford
brings it, together with Abbot's reason for mentioning
it, to the notice of Mr. Pennyquick.
Mr. Wriford knocks on the study door, waits for the
"One moment! One moment!" which is called to
him and which gives a chinking of glass in suggestion
of the fact that the Headmaster is putting away the
medicine bottles, exhibition of which, as an Open-air
Man, is so distasteful to him, and then enters to find
the Open-air Man lying, as usual, on the sofa, amidst
an air that appears to have escaped from beneath a
cork rather than have come from the window.
Mr. Wriford expresses the hope that he is better,
Mr. Pennyquick the fear that he is not, and there is then
brought forward the suggestion advanced by Abbot.
"Thursday is half-term," says Mr. Wriford. "Do
you think the boys might have a holiday? They've
been working very well."
"A whole holiday?" says Mr. Pennyquick doubtfully.
Mr. Wriford knows perfectly well the reason for the
dubiety in the Headmaster's voice. In these days he
has taken the work of the school entirely out of
Mr. Pennyquick's hands. Mr. Pennyquick no longer so
much as reads roll-call and prayers. Abbot calls the
roll and is mighty proud of the duty; Mr. Wriford
takes prayers. Mr. Pennyquick perhaps twice in a
week will tear himself from his sofa and his medicines
and suddenly burst upon the schoolroom, patrol a few
turns with loud and quite unnecessary "WORK UP'S!"
and as suddenly discharge himself again to his study.
The less frequently he appears, the more he shirks
any scholastic duties with the neglect they entail of
nursing his distressing ailments in the seclusion of his
study. Thus it is the idea of having the boys on his
hands for a complete day that gives this doubt to his
tone when a whole holiday is projected, and Mr. Wriford,
well aware of it, quickly reassures him on the point.
"Well, I think they deserve a whole holiday," says
Mr. Wriford. "Of course I'd come up just the same
and look after—"
"My dear fellow, a whole holiday by all means,"
Mr. Pennyquick breaks in. "By all means. Splendid!
They deserve it. You're doing wonderfully with them,
my dear fellow. My mother reports she has never
known them so happy or so well-behaved. No ragging
in the dormitories at night. Cold baths every morning
at their own request. Good God, do you know I'm so
much a cold bath man myself that I take one twice a
day—twice a day winter and summer—when I'm
fit. Clean and smart and quiet at meals. Perfect
silence in the schoolroom. Keen, manly play in the
field. Devoted to you. My dear fellow, you're
wonderful. Whole holiday? Whole holiday by all means.
I was going to suggest it myself."
"Thursday, then," says Mr. Wriford. "They'll be
delighted. I thought of playing cricket in the morning
and then, if you agree, asking Mrs. Pennyquick if
she could fix us up some lunch and tea things in hampers,
and we'd go and picnic all the rest of the day at
Penrington woods and bathe in the river and that kind of
thing."
The Headmaster thinks it splendid. "Splendid, my
dear fellow. Splendid. Certainly. I'll see to it myself.
Cricket! Bathing! Good God, you'll think it very
weak of me, but I feel devilish near crying when I think
of a jolly day like that and me tied up here and unable
to share it. Cricket! Good God, why, when I was at
Oxford I made nine consecutive centuries for my college
one year. It's a fact. Nine absolutely—or was it
ten? I must look it up. I believe it was ten. Bathing!
My dear fellow, a few years ago I thought nothing of a
couple of miles swim before breakfast—side-stroke,
breast-stroke, back-stroke; good God, I was an eel in
the water, a living eel. I'm an outdoor man,
absolutely. Always have been. That's the cruelty of it.
Hullo, there's the bell. I shall take prayers this
morning, Wriford. I'm coming in all day for a real good
day's work with the dear fellows. I don't know what the
doctor will say, but I'm going to do it."
Mr. Wriford is at the door, and the Outdoor Man
already stretching down an arm to feel beneath the
sofa. "Perhaps not prayers," says the Outdoor Man.
"You'd better not wait for me for prayers. I've just
my loathsome medicine to take. Take prayers for me
for once, like a good fellow, and I'll be with you in two
minutes. Splendid. You're wonderful. Two minutes.
Damn."
There is the sound of a bottle upset beneath the
sofa, and Mr. Wriford hurries off to find Abbot already
halfway through the roll, then to take prayers, and
then, amidst tremendous applause, to announce a whole
holiday for Thursday's half-term.
"Well, come on, let's make certain we deserve it,"
says Mr. Wriford, when the manifestations of joy have
been sufficiently expressed. "Come along, Form Two,
arithmetic. Let's see if we can't understand these
frightful decimals. Clean the blackboard, Toovey.
Abbot, you take Form Three behind the curtain and
give them their dictation. Here's the book. Find an
interesting bit and read it out loud first. Form One,
you're algebra. You'd better take the next six
examples. Cupper, you're in charge. Now then, Two,
crowd around. Where's the chalk?"
This was the spirit of the lessons nowadays.
Everybody worked. Nobody shirked. Interest, even
excitement, was found under Mr. Wriford's guidance to lie
in the hated lesson-books, and it was excitedly wrestled
out of them. Some of the subjects, as Mr. Wriford
taught them, were made exciting in themselves; the
rest were somehow inspired with the feeling that the
next chapter—the next chapter really is exciting once
we can get to it. All the Tower House schoolbooks were
horribly thumbed and inked and dog-eared in their
first few pages—long indifferently laboured over,
never understood, cordially loathed. Beyond lay virgin
pages, clean, untouched, many sticking together as
when fresh from the binder's press. "Look here,"
Mr. Wriford used to say, "these French grammars,
they're all the same—all in a filthy state up to page
thirty and rippingly clean beyond, just like a new
story-book. Look here, let's pretend all that new part is a
country we're going to emigrate into and explore, and
that first of all we've got to toil over the Rocky
Mountains of all this first muck. You half know it, you know.
If we get through a good few pages every time we'll
get there like lightning. Come on!"
They always "came on" responsive to this kind of
call. The work in all the subjects belonged to the
distant period of Mr. Wriford's own school-days. He had
to get it up as it came. He brought to the boys the
quite novel effect of a master learning with them as
they learnt, and that produced the stimulus of following
him in place of the grind of being driven. "My word,
this is a teaser!" Mr. Wriford would say, frankly
stumped by an arithmetical problem; and the delighted
laugh that always greeted this was the impetus to an
eager and intelligent following him when he would get
it aright and demonstrate its processes. Wits were
sharpened, perceptions stirred. Boyish high spirits,
mental alertness, and vigorous young qualities were
rescued from the dejection and apathy and slovenliness
and ugliness that had threatened to submerge them:
and Mr. Wriford finds himself infected and carried
along by the moral quickening he has himself aroused.
He knows it. He feels it. He both knows and feels
it because, whereas formerly he groped ever in darkness
of spirit and beneath intolerable oppression of mind,
now, when engaged in these occupations or when thinking
upon them, he is lifted out of himself, and in the
zest of their activities forgets the burden of his own
tribulations. Thus what had been all darkness, all
shrinking, all fears, becomes divided, as street lamps
break the night, into periods of light while he is within
the arc of these pursuits and into passages of the old
gloom only between one day's leaving of the school
and the next morning's return to it. Slowly from this
he advances to stronger influence of the light, less
frequent onset of the shadows. First by these lamps the
measureless blackness of his way is broken. Gradually
he is handed more quickly and more surely from lamp
to lamp. Not often now, with their immense and
crushing weight, their suffocating sense of numbing
fear, those old and intolerable clouds of misery descend
upon him; not often now those black abysses that
yawned on every side about his feet; not often those
entombing walls that towered every way about his
soul. Sometimes they come. He, in the days of that
nightmare hunted life in London, sometimes had known
snatched intervals of relief—in companionship, in
reading—in the midst of which there would strike
down upon him the thought that this was but transitory,
that presently it would end, that presently he
would be returned to the strain, to the fears, to the
darkness, to the panic bursting to get out of it. So now,
sometimes, when his mind moved ever so little from its
occupation with these new interests, he would be clutched
as though immediately outside them clutching hands
waited to drag him out and drag him down—clutched
and engulfed and bound again in bonds of terror, as
one whose pleasant slumber suddenly gives place to
dreadful sense of falling. In the midst of his thoughts
upon some aspect of work or play with his pupils, "This
cannot go on always," he would think; "This will
somehow come to an end sooner or later;" and
immediately the waiting hands would up and snatch him
down; immediately the fears oppress him; immediately
the walls, the blackness come; and he would cry:
"What then? Where then?" and grope again; and
bruise once more himself on his despair; and plan to go
away and abandon it all, so that at least he might of
his own will leave these interests, not wait till suddenly
they to their own end should come and he be driven
from them.
So sometimes these old tumults came upon him; yet
came less frequently, and the less frequently they came
were with less suffering escaped. Now, in their onsets,
was for the first time a way of refuge from them. Where
formerly he had been utterly abandoned to them,
sinking more and more deeply within them at every cry of
his despair, now was a knowledge that they could be
lost; and quicker and more strongly a conscious grasp
at what should lose them and draw him out from their
oppression. At first with dreadful effort and often
with defeat, gradually with less affliction and with more
certain hold, he would attempt to turn his mind from
these broodings and fasten it upon his enterprises in
the school. There was to be thought out a way of
helping Form Two to get the hang of parsing in their
English grammar to-morrow; there was the idea of
starting the young beggars in a daily class of drill and
physical exercises; there was the plan of rummaging
among Pennyquick's books to pick out a little library
of light reading for the boys and to read to them
himself for half an hour each day; there was the thought
of how jolly nicely they had responded to his proposal
to go through their play-boxes and pick out all the
cheap trash he found they had been reading, and of the
jokes they had had over the bonfire made from the
collection; there was the thinking of other ways in
which this complete confidence they gave him could be
used for their own benefit; there was—there were a
hundred of such preoccupations for his mind, any one
of which, could he but fix tenaciously enough upon it,
would draw him from the quicksands of his depression
and set his feet where strongly they bore him.
Thus came he gradually into a state in which the old
depths of oppression troubled him no more; in which
the apprehensive, hunted look went from his eyes; in
which sometimes a smile was to be seen upon his face;
and in which—to the observer—his outstanding
attribute was just that he was very quiet, very
reserved: gently responsive to advances from others but
never of himself offering conversation. So may one
newly convalescent after great illness be observed; and
to this Mr. Wriford's case in these days may best be
likened. As the convalescent, after long pains, deliriums,
fevers, nights void of sleep, is carried to sit in the
sunshine from the bed where these have been endured, so
in this haven rested Mr. Wriford from his mind's
distresses. There sits the patient, wan and weak, desirous
only to enjoy the pleasant air, wanting no more than
just to feed upon the smiling prospect his eyes that all
the devils of his fevered brain have burned; silently
acquiescent to ministrations of those who tend him.
Here lived Mr. Wriford, quiet and reserved, no longer
preyed upon by those fierce storms of hopeless misery
such as, on the first night at the Bickers' table, had
sent him torn and broken from the room; wearing a
gentle aspect now in place of those contracted eyes,
that knotted brow, born of the fever in his brain; hands
no longer trembling; voice eased of its strained and
rasping note that came of fear it should break out of his
control and go in tears of his distress. There rests the
convalescent's body, thin and enfeebled from its
rackings on the bed. Here stayed Mr. Wriford, wanting
only here to stay where refuge was from all the devils
that had devoured him. There rests the patient, slowly
replanning life that death had challenged, sickness
shattered. Here lived he, quietly revolving what had
brought him here and what should follow now.
Was there something in life that he had missed?
Calmly now he could ask and search the question. Till
now, since its first coming, it had been as a gnawing
tumour, as an empoisoned wound within him—an
inward fire, a pulsing abscess to relieve whose tortures
he, as a wild beast thus maddened that turns its jaws
upon its vitals, had bruised himself to madness in
frantic goadings of his mind. Now he could review it
calmly, almost dispassionately. The thing was out of
him, no longer burning in his brain. Till now, he had
thought upon it in frenzy of despair, now he could
stand as it were away from it—turn it this way and
that in examination with his hands, smile and shake
his head in puzzlement, and put it aside to go to his
duties with his boys, return and take it up and puzzle
it again. Was there something in life that he had
missed? Yes, there was something. He could unriddle
it as far as that. He was at peace now, but there was
nothing in that peace. Some attribute was missing.
This was peace: but it was emptiness. This was
quietness: but a thousand leagues remote from happiness.
Happiness was an active thing, a stirring thing, a living
thing, a warm thing, a pulsing thing. Barren here,
cold here. Let the mind run, let the mind run about a
thousand pleasures such as money could buy. They
might be his for the asking. He had but to return to
London, and they were his. Well, let the mind run.
Back it would come disconsolate, empty-handed, with
no treasures in its pack. Nothing attracted him. Ah,
but somewhere, somewhere, somewhere, that thing
was—the live thing, the stirring thing, the active
thing, the warm thing. Something that he had missed
in life: that was certain. Happiness its name: that
was assured. Where? In what? How to be found?
Only negative answers to these. Well, shake the head
over it and put it away; smile and confess its bafflement.
Here are things to be done. Do them and return to
puzzle again in a little while.
So and in this wise quietly through the days—standing
aside in this retreat and looking at life as one that,
furnishing a room, stands to stare at a bare corner, and
only knows something is wanted there, and only knows
that nothing of all he has will suit, and only turns away
but to return again and stare.
That simile of Mr. Wriford's condition in these days
to one who, rearranging the furniture of his room,
stares in constant bafflement at a bare corner and can
by no means determine with what to fill it, may be
advanced a further step. The decorator's eye,
narrowly judging all the objects that are at his disposal,
will in time, in a "better than nothing" spirit, turn
more frequently to one, and presently he will try it:
there came a time when it occurred to Mr. Wriford,
dispassionately revolving the vacancy in his life, that
there was one might fill it—Essie.
One day, and this was the beginning of the idea—not
then conceived—Mr. Wriford asked Essie if he
might take her for a walk. A Saturday evening was the
day: a July evening, cool and still—very grateful and
inviting after oppressive heat through morning and
afternoon; a breeze come up with nightfall. There
was no preparation class at Tower House on Saturdays.
Mr. Wriford left his boys reading the books he had
rummaged for them out of Mr. Pennyquick's library
and came home to early supper. By eight o'clock Essie
had washed up, and Mr. Wriford came to her where
she was standing by the shop door enjoying the pleasant
air.
"Isn't it jolly, though?" said Essie, moving to give
him place beside her in the entrance.
"Yes, it's beautifully cool now," Mr. Wriford agreed.
Several young couples—man and maid—were
passing in one direction up the street. Mr. Wriford
watched Essie's face as she watched them. He could
see her eyes shining and those little twitches of her lips
as she observed each separate swain and maid. With
the slow passing of one pair, their hands clasped, walking
very close together, she gave a little squirm and a little
sound of merriment and turned to him.
"Aren't they funny, though," said Essie, "courting!"
Mr. Wriford asked her: "Where are they all going?"
"Why, they're going to the Gardens, of course.
There isn't half a jolly band plays there Saturday
evenings."
She was the prettiest little thing, as Mr. Wriford
looked at her, standing there beside him. He liked her
merry ways, so different from his own habitual quietude.
It occurred to him that, apart from that walk to the
station together some weeks before, he hardly ever had
spoken to her out of her parents' company. Why
not?—so pretty and jolly as she was.
A sudden impulse came to him. He hesitated to
speak it. She might resent the suggestion. He looked
at her again—those funny little twitchings of her lips!
"May I take you for a stroll, Essie?" he said.
There was not the least reason to have hesitated.
Essie's face showed her pleasure. She quite jumped
from her leaning pose against the doorway. "Oh,
that's fine!" cried Essie. "I'll just pop on my chapeau.
I won't be half a tick."
She was gone with the words, and he heard her
running briskly up the stairs to her room and then
very briskly down again and then in the parlour,
crying: "Dad, me an' the lodger are going for a stroll in
the Gardens. Sure you've got everything you want,
Mother? Look, there's the new silk when you've
finished that ball. Isn't it pretty, though!" and then
the sound of a kiss for Mother and a kiss for Dad;
and then coming to him, gaily swinging her gloves in a
brown little hand, her eyes quite extraordinarily sparkling.
"There you are!" cried Essie, and they started.
"That wasn't long, was it? Why, some girls, you
know, keep their young fellows waiting a treat."
"Do they?" said Mr. Wriford, a trifle coldly.
"Don't they just!" cried Essie, noticing nothing
that his tone might have been intended to convey, and
beginning, as they went on in silence, to walk every
now and then with a gay little skip as though by that
means to exercise her delighted spirits.
Mr. Wriford, now that he was embarked upon his
sudden impulse, found himself somehow dissatisfied
with it. He would have been embarrassed, perhaps a
little disappointed, he told himself, had she refused
his invitation. He found himself embarrassed, perhaps
a little piqued, that she had accepted it so readily, taken
it so much as a matter of course. And then there was
that "young fellow" expression with its obvious
implication. His idea had been that she would have
shown herself conscious of being—well, flattered, by
his invitation. Not, he assured himself, that there was
anything flattering in it; but still—. Perhaps, though,
she was more conscious of it than she had seemed to
show; and coming to that thought he asked her suddenly,
giving her the opportunity to say so: "I hope
you didn't mind my proposing to take you for a
walk?"
Essie skipped. "Good gracious!" cried Essie.
"Whyever?"
"I thought you might think it rather—sudden."
Essie laughed and skipped again. "Sudden! Why,
you've bin long enough, goodness knows! Why, I've
bin expecting you to ask me for weeks, you know!"
"Have you?" said Mr. Wriford.
"Think I have!" cried Essie. "Why, the lodger
always does!"
"Oh!" said Mr. Wriford.
This time Essie seemed to detect something amiss in
his tone. In a few paces she was bending forward as she
walked and trying to read his face. "I say," said
Essie, "you aren't in a crosspatch, are you?"
"Of course I'm not. Why should I be?"
"Sure I don't know. You wanted me to come, didn't
you?"
"Of course I did. I shouldn't have asked you otherwise."
"Well, I don't know," said Essie. "Young fellows
are that funny sometimes!"
Silence between them after that, but as they came
to the Gardens Essie showed that the funny ways of
young fellows had been occupying her in the interval.
"Of course, you're always very quiet, aren't you?" she
said.
"I don't talk much," Mr. Wriford agreed.
"Of course you don't!" cried Essie and seemed so
reassured by the recollection that Mr. Wriford suddenly
felt he had been behaving a little unkindly—stupidly;
and with some idea of making amends smiled at her.
Essie flashed back with eyes and lips. "Of course
you don't!" she cried again. "Well, I vote we enjoy
ourselves now if ever. Just look at all the lights! See
the funny little blue ones? Aren't they funny though,
all twinkling! Let's have a laugh!"
With a laugh, therefore, into the Gardens; and with
a laugh Mr. Wriford's unreasoning distemper put off.
Jolly little Essie!
No need, moreover, to do more than listen to her,
and to think how jolly she was, and how pretty she
looked, as she turned chattering to him while she led the
way among the groups clustered about the bandstand.
"We'll go right through," said Essie. "There's seats
up there where you can sit an' hear the band an' see
the lights a treat. Jus' watch a minute to see that great
big fat man with the trombone where he keeps coming
in pom! pom! There! See him? Oh, isn't he a
caution!"
Close to Mr. Wriford she stands, and Mr. Wriford
watches her watch the fat gentleman with the trombone,
her lips twitching while she waits for his turn and then
her little squirm of glee when he raises his instrument
to his mouth and solemnly administers his deliberate
pom! pom! to the melody. "Oh, dear!" cries Essie,
"isn't this just too jolly for anything! Come along.
Up this path. I know a not half quiet little seat up
here. I say, though! When you've been looking at
the lights! If this isn't dark! Oo-oo!"
This "Oo-oo!" is expressive of the fact that really
it is rather ticklish work suddenly being launched on a
pitch dark path, falling away steeply at the sides, after
the glare of the bandstand; and with the "Oo-oo!"
comes Essie's arm pressing very close against
Mr. Wriford's and her hand against his hand.
"Let's hold hands," says Essie, and her fingers come
wriggling into his—-cool and firm, her fingers, and
there is the faint chink of the bracelets that she wears.
"I like holding hands, don't you?"
Cool and firm her fingers. His hand is unresponsive,
but rather jolly to feel them come wriggling into it and
then twine about it. She settles them to her liking, and
this is enlocked about his own, her palm to his. Yes,
rather jolly to feel them thus: they give him a curious
thrill, a desire.
Essie's seat was found to be quite the not half quiet
little place that she had promised. It stood at the
termination of the winding path, backed by a high
rockery of ferns and looking down upon the lights and
the bandstand whence came the music very pleasantly
through the distance.
Here were influences that touched anew the curious
thrill her fingers had given Mr. Wriford. The warm,
still night, the feeling of remoteness here, the music
floating up, Essie very close beside him, her face clear
to his eyes in this soft glow of summer darkness. A
very long time since to Mr. Wriford there had been such
playfulness of spirit as stirred within him now. Soft
she was where she touched him, sensibly warm against
his arm, enticingly fragrant.
"Told you this would be jolly, didn't I?" said
Essie.
"Yes, it is," agreed Mr. Wriford, and put his arm
along the seat behind her shoulders.
Essie didn't seem to mind.
And then his hand upon the shoulder further from
him.
Nor to mind that.
"All right, I call it," said Essie. "You know, if
you came out more to the band and places like this,
you soon wouldn't be so quiet."
"I shouldn't care much about it by myself," said
Mr. Wriford.
"Oh, I'd come with you," Essie assured him.
"Nothing's much fun not when you do it by yourself.
I say, whatever are you doing with that arm of yours
on my shoulder?"
"I'm not doing anything with it," said Mr. Wriford,
and gave a little laugh, and said: "I'm going to,
though."
"What?"
"This."
"Oo-oo!" cried Essie.
Mr. Wriford's "This" was bending his face to
hers, and his arm slipped a little lower down her
shoulders, and drawing her towards him. "Oo-oo-oo!" cried
Essie and pressed away and turned away her head.
"Oo-oo!" and then he kissed her cheek, then brought
his other arm around and turned her face to his.
"Oo-oo-oo! I say, you know!"—and there, close beneath
his own, were those soft, expressive lips of hers, and
twice he kissed them: and of a sudden she was relaxed
in his arms, no longer struggling, and there were depths
in those eyes of hers, and this time a long kiss.
"There!" said Mr. Wriford and released her; and
immediately two curious emotions followed in his mind.
First, that, now the thing was over, it was over—completed,
done, not attracting any more.
"I say, you know!" said Essie, settling her hat and
pouting at him: and all rosy she was, all radiant,
enticingly pouting, pretending aggrievement—just the
very blushes, pouts, and smiles to have it done again.
But for Mr. Wriford not enticing at all: over, done;
conceiving in him almost a distaste of it; and, moved
a trifle away from her, he said hardly: "I suppose the
lodger always does that, too?"
"Well, most of 'em," said Essie cheerfully; and at
that his new emotion quickened, and he made a
petulant, angry movement with his shoulders.
She detected his meaning just as she had detected
the coldness in his voice as they came down towards the
Gardens together a short while before. She detected
his meaning, and answered him sharply, and the words
of her defence and the manner of it broke out in
him the second of the two emotions that followed his
caprice.
"Well, what's the odds to it if they have?" said
Essie, sitting up very straight and speaking very tensely.
"Where's the harm? It's only fun. Not as if I had a
proper young fellow of my own. Take jolly good care
if I had! Where's the harm? I like being kissed. I like
to think some one's fond of me."
Now, for all the sharpness of her tone, she looked
appealing: a trifle of a flutter in those expressive lips
of hers: a hint of a catch in her voice. Swiftly to
Mr. Wriford came his second emotion. Poor little Essie
that liked to think some one was fond of her! Jolly
little Essie with her "Let's have a laugh!" Here was
the kindest, cheeriest little creature in the world! Let
him enjoy it!
"That's all right, Essie," said Mr. Wriford and moved
to her again and took her brown little hand.
"Glad you think so, I'm sure!" said Essie. "That's
my hand, if you've no objection," and she withdrew it.
Mr. Wriford took it again and held it while it wriggled.
"Come, who's the crosspatch now?"
"Well, that's nice!" cried Essie. "I'm sure I'm not."
"Put your fingers like you had them when we walked
up. That's the way of it. This little one there and that
little one there."
"Oh, go on!" said Essie, but settled her fingers as
she was told.
"Rather nice just now, don't you think?" said Mr. Wriford.
"Not bad," said Essie.
"Perhaps we'll do it again?"
"Perhaps the moon'll drop plump out of the sky."
"Well, we'll watch it," said Mr. Wriford, "and if it
doesn't we will. Let's be friends, Essie."
"Oh, we're friends, all right."
"Well, I'll pretend I'm your—young fellow. How
about that?"
Essie gave a little laugh. "Likely!" she said. "You
know, I believe you're a caution after all, for all you're
so quiet. My young fellow! Why, I don't even know
your name—your Christian name, I mean."
"What do you think?"
"However do I know? Shouldn't be a bit surprised
if it was Solomon."
"Well, it isn't. What would you like it to be?"
Essie looked across the bandstand lights beneath
them for a moment, then made a little snuggling
movement with the hand in Mr. Wriford's, and then looked
at him and said softly: "Well, I've never had an
Arthur."
"Call me Arthur, then—so long as you don't make
it Art or Artie."
"What, don't you like Art, then?" said Essie, and
then suddenly, her eyes asparkle again, her lips
twitching, "Aren't names funny, though? Let's have a
laugh!"
And Mr. Wriford laughed and said the name Edith
always made him think of seed cake; and Essie laughed
immensely and said Alice always reminded her of a
piece of silk; and Mr. Wriford said Ethel was a bit of
brown velvet; and Essie said Robert was a bouncing
foot-ball; and in this laughter and this childish folly
Mr. Wriford found himself immoderately tickled and
amused, and Essie quite forgot the disturbance that had
followed the kissing; and home when the band stopped
they went in quick exchange of lightsome subjects.
Mr. Wriford, for the first time that he might have
remembered, went to bed and fell asleep without lying
long awake to think and think.
The significant thing was that he did not try to
remember it, nor reflect upon it. He was smiling at an
absurdity of jolly little Essie's as he put out his light:
he was soon asleep.
Walks with Essie are frequent now; and in the house
talk with Essie at all odd moments that bring them
together. Jolly little Essie! Mr. Wriford finds himself
often thinking of her as that, and for that quality
always seeking her when moodiness oppresses him. Days
pass and there is a step in advance of this: good little
Essie! Careless, he realises himself, of what mood he
takes to her. He can be silent with her, depressed,
oppressed, thinking, puzzling: Essie never minds. He
can be irritable with her and speak sharply to her:
Essie never minds. Essie is content just to rattle along
and not be answered, or, if that seems to vex him
further, then just to occupy herself with those bright,
roving eyes of hers, and with those merry thoughts which
they pick up and reflect again in the movements of
those expressive lips. Days pass and his thoughts of
her take yet a further step: pretty little Essie!—Essie
who likes to be kissed, who sees "no odds to it," who
likes to think somebody is fond of her! She is jolly
little Essie—always cheers him: "Oh, Arthur!"
when for an hour he has not spoken a word, or speaking,
has snubbed her, "Oh, Arthur! Just look at those
dogs chasing! Oh, did you ever! Aren't they funny,
though! Let's have a laugh!" She is good little
Essie—never minds: "Well, whatever's the odds to that?"
when sometimes he apologises for having been ungracious.
"I daresay I'm not half a nuisance, chattering,
when you want to be quiet. Why, you're always quiet
though, aren't you? I don't mind." She is pretty little
Essie: "Oo-oo!" cries Essie. "I say, though!" and
then, as on that first occasion, relaxes and gives him
those pretty, expressive lips of hers, and is warm and
soft and clinging in his arms; and then one day, when
in his kiss she detects some ardour, born, while he kisses
her, of a sudden gathering realisation of his frequent, his
advancing thoughts of her, says to him softly, snuggling
to him: "What, are you fond of me, Arthur?"
More swiftly than the space of the inspiration of a
single breath an idea springs, fixes, spreads within him.
It is determination of all his thought of her in their
advancing stages: it is swiftest look from that vacant
corner in the room of his life to Essie, always so jolly,
always so good, ah, so pretty, yielding in his arms.
Swift as a single breath it is. Why should not Essie
fill that vacant place?
"What, are you fond of me, Arthur?"
Deep in his sudden thought he does not answer her.
What sees she responsive to her question in his eyes?
She sees that which makes her leave his grasp.
In her eyes he sees sudden moisture shining.
Deep in the sudden thought that has him—bemused
as one that, in earnest conversation with a friend, turns
bemusedly to address a remark to another, he says:
"Hulloa, you're not crying, Essie?"
"Likely!" says Essie, blinking.
"You are, though. What's up?"
"That's the sun in my eyes."
"There's precious little sun."
Essie dabs her eyes with her handkerchief and gives
a little sniff. "Well, there's precious little tears."
"Essie, you asked me if I was fond of you."
She turns upon him with sudden sharpness. "More
fool me then."
"What do you mean? Essie, I am. I'm very, very
fond of you."
"Come on," says Essie briskly. "We'll be late. I
was only having a game—so are you."
Here is a new idea for Mr. Wriford—come to him
suddenly, but, as now he sees, in process of coming
these many days. Here is a new idea, completely
developed in that swift moment while Essie asked him:
"What, are you fond of me, Arthur?" but over whose
development now constantly he ponders—welding it,
shaping it, assuring himself of it in its every detail.
It is solution—no less—of what has hounded him
these many years. It is discovery of what shall fill that
vacant place over which, in the quietude of these more
recent days, dispassionately he has puzzled. Essie
the solution: Essie the thing that shall fill up the
vacancy. He wonders he has not thought of it before.
Who, out of the turmoil, the hopelessness, the abject
misery in which he came here, who found him the
quietude? Essie. Who for the old grinding torments, the
abysmal fears, has exchanged him the dispassionate
wondering? Essie. Look, look upon the present state
that now is his, contrast it with the old, and seek who
is responsible. Essie. His early constraint in the
Bickers' household is vanished as completely as his
early miseries at the Tower House School. He is
confident and at ease and actively interested when among
his boys. Who showed him the way of it? Essie. In
the life behind the plumber's shop he is become very
intimately the "one of us like" that Mrs. Bickers, at their
first meeting, had told him they liked their lodgers to
be. By whose agency? Essie's. Essie has told Mother
and Dad his name is Arthur and to call him Arthur: and
Arthur he is become, alike to the cert. plumber, who
delights to instruct him in the mysteries of plumbing
and often from his workshop in the yard hails him
"Arthur! Arthur, come an' look at this here! I'm
fixin' a new weight to a ball-tap;" and to Mrs. Bickers
who as often as not adds a "dear" to it and says:
"Arthur, dear, give over talking to Essie a minute an'
jus' see if you can't put that shop bell to rights like
Mr. Bickers showed you how. It's out of order
again." Who to this pleasant homeliness introduced him?
Essie. Who supports him in its enjoyment? Essie.
Who is the centre, the mainspring of this happy
household? Essie. Essie, Essie, Essie, jolly and good and
pretty little Essie! He meets her at every thought.
She, she, supplies his moods at every turn!
Very well, then. The school term at Tower House is
drawing to a close. Scarcely a fortnight remains before
the holidays begin. What then?
Ah, then the new thought that suddenly has come to
him. In the quietude of mind, in the dispassionate
puzzlement upon what it is that he has missed in life—in
this convalescent attitude towards life that now is his
he has no desire to return, when the school term is
ended and he is unemployed, to the wandering, to the
hopeless quest that brought him here. Why not
advance by Essie the quietude that by Essie he has found?
Why not by Essie fill the dispassionate puzzlement that
by Essie has become dispassionate where for so long it
had so cruelly been frenzied? What if he went away
with Essie? What if he took her away? What if he so
far resumed touch with the prosperity that waited him
in London as to get money from his agent, due to him
for his successful novels, and go away with Essie—live
somewhere in retreat with Essie, have Essie for his own?
Why not? No reason why. It was fixed and determined
in his mind in that very instant when, as she
asked him "What, are you fond of me, Arthur?" it
came to him.
The more he thinks upon it the more completely it
attracts him....
He thinks upon it, and it attracts him, with no delusion
of what, if he acts upon it, it will give him. It will
not give him positive happiness. He would take Essie
away with no such delusion as that. But strongly,
seductively, it offers him a negative peace. With Essie
no need longer to brood on what it was in life that he
had missed: Essie who never minded, who always
brightened him, who then would be his own—Essie
would stifle that old hopeless yearning. There would be
pleasure in money with Essie—pleasure in pleasing
her, in watching her delight in little things that it could
buy. He first would travel on the Continent with
Essie, delighting in her delight at worlds of which she
had scarcely so much as heard. How she would laugh
at funny foreigners and at funny foreign ways! Then
he would settle down, take a house somewhere, live
quietly, take up his novel-writing again, have Essie
always to turn to when he wanted her, to minister to
him and entertain him, and have her—being Essie—at
his command to keep out of his way when he wished
to work, or perhaps to think—ah, for thoughts
sometimes still would come!—and not be worried. Yes—jolly
little Essie, good little Essie—there was refuge,
refuge to be found with her! Yes—pretty little Essie—she
was desirable, desirable, desirable to him! Yes,
let it be done! Yes, let him immediately set about the
accomplishment of it!
His purpose was no sooner definitely fixed, than in
the way of its fulfilment practical difficulties began to
arise. They arose in form of scruples. He intended no
harm to Essie. She never should suffer in smallest
degree, by word or act, in giving herself to him. But
to marry her never—at the first making of his purpose—so
much as crossed his mind. A little later this
aspect of his moral intentions towards her came up in
his thoughts—and marriage he at once dismissed as
altogether subversive of that very peace of mind he
anticipated in having her for his own. To marry her,
as he saw it, were an irrevocable and dreadful step that
immediately would return him to new torments, new
despair. Bound for life to such as Essie was, not loving
her, only very fond of her, very grateful to her—why,
the bond would terrify him and goad him as much as
ever he was terrified and goaded by the bonds and
responsibilities of the London days from which in frenzy
he had fled. Misery for him and, knowing himself,
he knew that he would visit it in misery upon her.
Panic at what he had done would fill him, consume him
in all the dreadful forms in which he knew his panics,
directly he had done it. He would hate her. Despite
himself, despite his fondness for her, despite all she had
given him and could give him, despite all these, if he
were bound to her he would be unkind to her, cruel to
her. Merely and without bond to have her for his own
presented his Essie—his jolly little Essie, good little
Essie, pretty little Essie—on a footing immeasurably
different. That very fact of being responsible for her
without being bound to her would alone—and without
his happiness in her—assure her of his constant care,
his unfailing protection always and always. Natured
as he was—or as he had become in the days of his
stress—he thought of bondage as utterly intolerable
to him. No; marriage was worse than unthinkable,
marriage was to lose—and worse than lose—the very
happiness upon which now he was determined.
Yet scruples came.
He had not the smallest doubt of winning Essie to
his intentions—Essie who liked to think somebody
was fond of her, who liked to be kissed, who had
confessed of the lodgers that "most of 'em had"—who,
in fact, was Essie Bickers. He knew, thinking upon it,
what had been in pretty little Essie's heart when she
said softly: "What, are you fond of me, Arthur?" He
knew it was that she loved him. He knew what had
been in her heart when, having said it, she drew away
from him, and he knew why as she drew away he had
seen tears in her eyes. He knew it was because, having
made her confession of love, she had seen no response
of love in his eyes that only were bemused with sudden
thought upon his sudden plan. He knew he had only
to tell her that she was wrong, that indeed he loved her.
Yet scruples came.
He set about his plans. On the morning when but a
week remained to the end of the term—the date he
had fixed in his mind—he wrote before he came down
to breakfast a letter to his agent in London.
"DEAR LESSINGHAM,
"I'm still alive! I've been wandering—getting back
my health. I was rather run down. Now, very soon,
I hope to get to work again. Keep it to yourself that
you've heard of me again. I'll be seeing you soon.
Meanwhile, you've got a pile of money for me, haven't
you? I want you, please, to send me at once £200 in
£10 notes to this address. I'm going abroad for a bit.
"Yours ever,
"PHILIP WRIFORD."
Funny to be in touch with that world again! He put
the letter in his pocket. He would post it on his way to
school. Imagine Essie's eyes when she saw all that
wealth! He could hear her cry—he imagined himself
showing it to her in a first-class carriage bound for
London—"Oh, Arthur! Did you ever, though!"
Smiling upon that thought, he went down-stairs to
the parlour; and it was thus, at the very moment as
it were of first putting out his hand to take Essie, that
scruples came.
He found Mrs. Bickers seated alone. There were
sounds of Essie gaily humming as she prepared
breakfast in the kitchen. Mrs. Bickers, busily sewing, looked
up and smiled at him. "Good morning, Arthur. I
declare I do like to see you come down of a morning
smiling like that. Busy, aren't I? So early, too!" and
she held up what looked to be a blouse that she was
making, and told him: "That's for our Essie!"
The smile went from his face and from his thoughts.
"Our Essie!" Only now that phrase, and what it
meant, entered his calculations on his purpose; and with
it the thought of his smiles which Mrs. Bickers had been
so glad to see—and what they meant.
He desired to turn the conversation; yet even as he
made answer he knew his words were leading him deeper
into it. "Why, you're not surprised to see me smiling,
are you, Mrs. Bickers?" he said. "This is what I call
a very smiling house, you know."
Mrs. Bickers set down her work on her lap and
smiled anew. "Well, that's good news," she said.
"Ah, and it's not always been either, Arthur."
"Hasn't it, Mrs. Bickers?"
"Oh, dear, it hasn't! Why, Mr. Bickers and me we
had a heap of trouble one time."
"But you're very happy now?"
"I've been happy," said Mrs. Bickers, smiling again,
"eighteen years and three—four—eighteen years and
four months."
"That means ever since something?"
"Ever since our Essie came," said Mrs. Bickers softly.
Our Essie! Ah! He said dully: "Yes, you must be
fond of Essie?"
"Fond!" Mrs. Bickers echoed him. "Why, Arthur,
she's all the world to Mr. Bickers an' me, our Essie.
She's such a bright one! Our Essie came to us very
late in life, and you know I reckon we've never had a
minute's trouble since. Looking back on what we'd
had before, that's why we say, Mr. Bickers an' me,
that we reckon she was a gift sent straight out of
heaven. We're sure of it. Brought up with old folk like
us, she'd grow up quiet and odd like some children are,
wouldn't you think? Or likely enough discontented,
finding it dull? But you've only got to look at our
Essie to feel happy. There's not many can say that of a
daughter, not for every bit of eighteen years, Arthur.
We reckon we're uncommon blessed, Mr. Bickers an' me."
In comes Essie with a steaming dish: "Oh, these
sausages, Mother! Jus' look at them sizzling! Oh,
aren't they funny, though!"
He does not post his letter on the way to school.
He does not post it on the way back from school. He
carries it up-stairs again in his pocket when he goes to
bed. Scruples!
Scruples—he lies awake and reasons the scruples;
he tosses restlessly and damns the scruples. Scruples!
In the morning he has settled them. He rises very early
before the house is astir. He comes down to post his
letter and goes at once through the back yard which
offers nearer way to the letter-box.
"Hulloa, Arthur! Why, you're up early!"
This time it is Mr. Bickers, hailing him through the
open door of his workshop where he is busily occupied
with blow-flame and soldering-irons.
"Well, not so early as you, Mr. Bickers. I thought
I was first for once."
The cert. plumber laughs, evidently well-pleased.
"Come along in an' give a hand. Soldering, this is.
Me! I'm never abed after five o'clock summer-times."
"I often think you're wonderfully young for your
years, Mr. Bickers."
Another laugh of satisfaction. "I'm younger than I
was a score years back; and that's a fact, Arthur."
"What's the secret of it?"
"Why," says Mr. Bickers, "there is a secret to it,
sure enough. It's this way, Arthur. Now you put the
solder-pot on the lamp again. There's matches. This
way—I was fifty-two years growing old, and I've been
close on nineteen years growing young. Ever
since— Hullo! careful with it!"
"Ever since—?" says Mr. Wriford, his head
averted, fumbling with the lamp, fumbling with his
thoughts.
"Ever since our Essie came to us."
"Yes," says Mr. Wriford, and adds "Yes, that's
much what Mrs. Bickers was telling me only yesterday."
"Why, it's the same with both of us," says Mr. Bickers;
and then changes his voice to the voice that
Mr. Wriford recognises for that in which he reads the
scriptural portions at night. "You mark this from me,
Arthur," Mr. Bickers continues. "You're a young
man. You mark what I tell you—"
Necessary to face Mr. Bickers while he tells—to
face that serene old countenance, those steady eyes,
that earnest voice. "Prayers aren't always answered
the way you expect, Arthur. You'll find that. There's
man's way of reckoning how a thing ought to be done,
and there's God's way. We'd had uncommon trouble,
Mrs. Bickers an' me, a score years back, and we
prayed our ways for to ease it. Essie came. God's
way. Our Essie come to us a blessing straight out of
heaven."
Necessary to face him, necessary to hear in his voice,
to see in his eyes, to watch in the radiation that fills
up the careworn lines about his mouth and on his
brow—necessary to hear and to see there what "Our Essie"
means to him.
Necessary to say something.... To say what?
Mr. Wriford can only find the words he said yesterday
to Mrs. Bickers. He says: "Yes, you must be fond of
Essie."
"Fond!" says Mr. Bickers. "I'll tell you this to it,
Arthur. I'll tell you just what our Essie is to us.
There's a verse we say night and morning, Mrs. Bickers
an' me, when we're returning thanks for our blessing:
'Through the tender mercy of our God, whereby the
dayspring from on high hath visited us.' That's our
Essie."
The dayspring from on high! Irreverent, in Mr. Wriford's
dim recollection of the text, in its application
to Essie. He tries to laugh at it. How laugh at it?
Dayspring—ah, that is she! She is that in her
perpetual vitality, in her bubbling, ceaseless, bottomless
well of spirits. She is that to him, and therefore he
requires her, requires her. Ah, she is that to them!
Scruples—scruples—infernal scruples—ridiculous
scruples. He means no harm to her. God knows he
means nothing but happiness to her. Yet the day
passes. He defers his intention to post his letter till
after breakfast. He goes to school and defers it till the
luncheon hour. He goes then for a walk and defers
it till he is coming home. He comes home and brings
his letter with him.
Scruples—damn them! Scruples—damn himself
for entertaining them!
Let Essie decide! That is the decision to which he
comes, with which he stills his scruples. He desires her.
The more he reflects upon possession of her—his to
amuse him, to run his house that he will take for her,
to make him laugh, not to interfere with him, requiring
nothing from him but what he shall choose to give her—the
more he visions this prospect, the more ardently
it attracts him. There he sees that vacant place in his
life filled up; there he sees sufficiently attained the
secret of happiness that he has missed; there, belonging
to him, he sees her—jolly little Essie—filling, hiding,
forgetting him his endless quest, his hopeless hopelessness,
his old-time miserable misery. He cannot marry
her. He does not love her. He could not be mated—for
life!—to such as she in all her funny little phrases
reveals herself to be. He only wants her. Then come
the scruples. Well, let Essie decide! She shall know
his every intention, his every feeling. He will not even
so far delude her as to tell her he loves her. If she who
loves him is willing to go with him, what need matter
Mr. and Mrs. Bickers with their devotion to our Essie?
What are they to him? Why should they interfere
with his life? What are they to Essie if he—as he will
be—is everything to her? And then, with "Let Essie
decide," he finally crushes under foot all of scruples,
all of conscience, that remain after this review of his
resolve: finally, for this is his last and comforting and
confident resolve—that if Essie is shocked and frightened
and will not, he will immediately accept it: whatever
the temptation will nothing deceive or trick her,
not by so much as a look pretend he loves her, immediately
leave her and immediately return to the old hopelessness,
the old quest, the old emptiness of all his former years.
Decided! His scruples stilled! Himself assured,
absolved! Let Essie decide it. Now to act.
This is Thursday. He has carried that letter nearly
a week unposted in his pocket. To-morrow the Tower
House School breaks up. On Saturday Mrs. Bickers
and Essie are going for a three weeks' summer holiday
to Whitecliffe Sands, which is an hour away on the
Norfolk coast, and it has been decided a month before that
he is to accompany them for their first week as
Mrs. Bickers' guest. The kindly invitation had been made,
and he had gratefully accepted it, in the period before
this sudden thought of filling with Essie that vacant
corner in the room of his life: in the period when he
had been content dispassionately to drift along until
the holidays should terminate his engagement—dispassionately
to leave till then conjecture upon what
he next should do.
This summer visit to Whitecliffe Sands was, as he
then learned, an annual excursion. Mr. Bickers stays
with the shop, but closes it and comes down to mother
and Essie every Saturday until Monday. When only
that month remained before the holiday came, discussion
of the subject became Essie's chief topic of conversation
at supper every evening; all aglitter it made her
with reminiscences of Whitecliffe's past delights and
with anticipations of its fond excitements now to be
renewed: the pier that has been opened since last
summer, the concert party that will reopen its season there
just before they arrive, the progress she has made and
means to make in swimming, the white shoes she is
going to buy, the new coat and skirt that she and mother
are making because "My goodness, you don't have to
look half smart on the parade, evenings!"
In the midst of this had come one evening
Mrs. Bickers' "What about Arthur?" and then, to his
rather rueful smile and announcement that he had no
plans as yet beyond the end of the term, her kindly
proposal, evidently arranged beforehand with
Mr. Bickers: "Well, I tell you what would be very nice,
Arthur dear, that is, if you haven't got another job of
work immediately by then. Me and Mr. Bickers have
had a talk about it. We'd like you to come with Essie
an' me jus' till Mr. Bickers comes down after our first
week. There's his nice room you could have in our
lodgings, and you'd be just our guest like. A nice blow
by the sea would do you a world of good, an' nice for
our Essie to have a companion."
Essie had clapped her hands in immense delight:
he had accepted with marks in his eyes and voice of a
return of that sense of being overwhelmed by this
household's kindness that in the early days here often
overwhelmed him. Now he set his teeth against
consideration of that aspect. Let Essie decide! He might take
her away to-morrow or on Saturday morning: it might
be easier to wait and slip off one day from Whitecliffe.
Let Essie decide!
That evening he asked her.
The night was fine for a stroll after supper. They
passed together up the main street of the town towards
the Gardens—Essie desperately excited with the
immediate nearness of Whitecliffe and attracted by all
the shops in case there was something she had not yet
bought for the holiday: himself revolving in his mind
how best to open his proposal. He wished to do it at
once. He found it very difficult to begin.
"Oh, those parasols!" cried Essie, stopping before
a brightly-illuminated window. "Do stop, Arthur.
That sort of blue one with lace! Did you ever!
Wouldn't I like that for Whitecliffe though! Can you
see the ticket? Nine-an'-eleven-three! Oh, talk about
dear!"
"That's not really expensive, Essie."
"My goodness, it is for me, though. Ten shillings,
Arthur!"
"Essie, would you like to be rich?"
"Oo, wouldn't I just!"
"What would you say if I was rich, Essie?"
Essie turned away from the coveted sunshade and
laughed delightedly at him. "Goodness, wouldn't it
be funny! I'd say what ho! What ho!"
"Essie, I want to tell you something. I am rich.
I'm what you'd call very rich."
"Picked up a shilling, have you?" cried Essie,
gleefully entering into the game. "Let's go into the bank
and invest it!"
"No, we'll go in here," said Mr. Wriford, the contents
of a bookseller's window they had reached giving
him a sudden idea. "We'll go in here. I'll show you
something."
She caught his arm as he stepped towards the door.
"Whatever do you mean?"
He answered her very intensely, "Essie, be serious.
I've a lot to tell you to-night. First of all, I'm rich,
I've only been pretending all the time I've been down
here. My name's not Arthur at all. It's Philip—"
Essie made a laughing grimace. "Ur! Philip's like
skim milk."
Unheeding her, he went on. "Philip Wriford. I'm
an author—
"Oh, if you aren't a caution!" cried Essie.
"You don't believe it?"
Essie assumed a very ingenuous air. "Your mistake,
pardon me. I wasn't born jus' before supper, you know."
"Will you believe it if I go in here and ask to see
some of my books?"
"Oh, wouldn't I like to see you dare!"
"Come along," and he stepped inside the porch of
the shop and opened the door.
Essie, half-laughing, half-frightened at this boldness,
clutched at his arm. He caught her hand and led her
within. "Oh, if you aren't a caution to-night!" Essie
whispered. "Don't, Arthur! Arthur, don't be so bold!"
"You've got to believe."
A counter at the end of the shop displayed above it
the words "Lending Library." Essie, most terribly
red in the face, followed him while he stalked to it, and
then stood confounded with his boldness and striving
immensely to restrain her laughter while Mr. Wriford
addressed the young woman who came towards them.
"Have you got any of Philip Wriford's books in the
library?" Mr. Wriford asked her.
"We've got several copies," he was told. "But
they're all out. There's a great demand for them."
His eye caught the top volume of a pile of books on
the counter, from each of which a ticket was displayed,
and he motioned towards it.
"Yes, that's his last," the young woman said, "but
it's ordered. It's going out to-morrow."
"I can look at it?"
"Oh, you can look at it. If you like to take out a
subscription by the week or longer, you can put your
name down for it. There's other copies out," and she
moved away.
Mr. Wriford took up the book with something of a
thrill—the first actively stirring thought of his work
since he had fled from it. It was the book he had
delivered to his agent shortly before that night of his escape,
and had seen ecstatically reviewed in the paper at
Pendra. He had never seen it in print. He opened it at
the title page. "Twelfth Edition," he read aloud to
Essie. "You know what that means. It was only
published in the autumn."
"How do you know?" said Essie.
"I tell you I wrote it. I tell you I'm Philip Wriford."
The young woman's departure permitted Essie to
relieve her laughter. "Oh, Arthur, do not!" she cried.
"I tell you it's true." He turned to the opening
chapter and began with very strange sensations to read
what he had written in days separated from the present
by illimitable gulfs of new identity. The cunning of
his own hand, thus separated from the identity that
now read the words, was abundantly apparent to him.
There was a nervous and arresting force in the first
paragraph, a play of wit above a searching philosophy,
that called up and strongly attracted his literary
appreciation, dormant beneath the stresses of his past
months.
Occupied, for the moment he forgot Essie standing
by his side. Her voice recalled her to him. She was
reading over his shoulder, and reaching the end of the
paragraph, spoke her opinion.
"Isn't it silly, though!" said Essie.
He closed the book and put it down and turned to
her and looked at her. "Do you think so?" he said.
"Well, don't you?" cried Essie. "I never read such
ridiculous nonsense. I'm sure if you were an author,
Arthur, you couldn't write such silly stuff as that."
He laughed a trifle vexedly. "Come along," he said,
and laughed again, this time to himself and with better
humour, as they came into the street and turned towards
the Gardens. He could appreciate the blow at his
conceit: further, this little scene was illuminating
demonstration of the gulf social and intellectual between
himself and Essie, and somehow that approved him in his
intentions towards her: what vexed him now was only
the failure of this sudden plan to inform Essie of his
position in life and so to give him opening for the
proposal he intended.
The bookseller's was the last shop in the High Street.
They had entered the Gardens before Essie, consumed
with laughter, could find words for comment. Then
she said: "Oh, Arthur, if you weren't a fair caution!
I'd never have thought it of you!"
"You don't believe it?"
"Why, of course I don't!"
"Well, you've got to believe somehow that I've got
a lot of money."
"Daresay I can believe the moon is made of green
cheese if I try hard enough. I say, though, serious,
whatever for have I got to believe you're rich?"
It was the desired opening. He slipped his hand
beneath her arm. "Because I want to spend it on you,
Essie. I want to make you happy with me."
He felt and heard her sharply catch her breath. He
looked down at her and saw her eyes dim and her face
suffuse in sudden rush of colour.
"Oh, Arthur!" Essie said and caught her breath
again.
"Let's go up to our seat, Essie."
In silence up to their seat, and on their seat a little
space in silence. She first to speak. She, while he sat
determining how best to tell her, turned to him eyes
starry as the stars that lit them, in which still and deeper
yet he saw the moisture that had dimmed them a moment
before, and still, and cloudier yet, her face all
cloudy red.
She said very softly: "What, have you proposed to
me, Arthur, dear?"
He was prepared for anything but that. He was
reassuring himself, while they waited in that silence,
upon his resolution not to deceive her, not even to
pretend he loved her as she understood love, upon his
determination, for his honour and for hers (so he
convinced himself), straitly, without deception, without
temptation, to throw all the burden of decision upon
her love for him. This "What, have you proposed to
me?" took him unawares. It caught him so unexpectedly
that, of its very unexpectedness, it threw out of
him its own response where, had he first imagined such
a question, to fashion answers to it had filled him with
confusion, nay, with dismay.
Its own response! It came to him as a question so
ludicrously odd, so blundering, so inept, ah, so
characteristic of jolly little Essie's funny little ways, that
he gave a little laugh, and put his arm about her
shoulders, and playfully squeezed her to him and laughed
again and exclaimed "Essie!"
The softness left her voice, the dimness her eyes.
"Oh, aren't I glad!" cried Essie and snuggled against
him and said: "Oh, hasn't it come all of a sudden,
though!"
Her funny little ways! Close she was against him—jolly
to hold her thus: his arm about her, her face close
beneath his own, his other hand that held her hand
caressing her soft warm cheek—his dear, his jolly
little Essie. But not to deceive her! Let him hold to
that. Let her be told in her own opportunity that
which he has to tell. Let him lead her towards it.
He asked her—avoiding her question, not confirming
her exclamation—"Do you love me, Essie?"
She wriggled herself closer up to him, and laughed
at him with those soft expressive lips and with those
eyes of hers, and said "Oh, love you!" as though love
were too ridiculously poor a word.
"Put up with me, Essie—always? You know what
I am sometimes."
"Put up with you!" cried Essie, and again the wriggle
and again the laugh, and then said "What a way to
talk!" and by a movement of her face towards his own
made as if to kiss such talk away.
He kept himself from that. Not to deceive her!
"Suppose I made you miserable, Essie?"
"However could you?"
"Suppose I did? You know how I get sometimes."
"Mean when you're quiet?" said Essie, snuggling.
"Of course you're quiet sometimes, aren't you? My
goodness, I don't mind. I'd just have a jolly laugh by
myself."
Her funny little ways! He was fighting against them.
They urged him that they were in themselves just what
attracted him—always to have them to turn to in his
moodiness. Ah, not to deceive her! He said heavily:
"I don't mean that, Essie. Suppose—suppose I made
you more miserable than that? Suppose I told you
something that made you think I couldn't be fond of
you?"
She asked him quickly: "What, been engaged before,
have you?"
"I've been lots of things. I'm going to tell you."
He felt her stiffen. "I only want to hear this one.
Why didn't you marry her?"
"I think because she wouldn't marry me."
"Oh, dear!" cried Essie, and wriggled. "Isn't this
awful! Oh, don't I hate her, though! Whyever wouldn't
she?"
Here was a way to tell her. What if it meant to lose
her? Here was the opportunity. Let him hold to his
vow! He said deeply: "Essie, because she knew me
too well. She knew some of what you've got to know,
Essie. She'd tell you."
"Like her to try!" said Essie and sat up with a jerk.
He could face her now. There she was, his jolly little
Essie, looking so fierce, breathing so quickly. Tell her
and lose her? Clasp her and kiss away that angry little
frown? Not to deceive her! Hold, hold to that! He
began: "She'd tell you—what I've got to tell you.
She'd tell you—listen to me, Essie. What would you
do if she told you I'd make you—or anybody—unhappy?
That I'm all—all wrong, all moods, all utterly
impossible? Essie, that I can't love anybody really—not
even you? That I'm not to be trusted? That I
can't trust myself? That I'd marry and then—then
pretty well go mad to think I was married and do
anything to get out of it? That all I want, that what I
want, Essie, is—is not exactly to marry? Essie, do
you understand? That so long as I felt free,
perhaps—perhaps—I'd be all right—perhaps be kind?"
He stopped. She was sitting bolt upright, staring
straight before her into the night, her pretty lips
compressed, and he could hear her breathing—short and
quick and sharp.
He said: "Essie, what would you do—what would
you do if she told you that?"
She turned sharply towards him. "Do?" cried
Essie. He could see how she quivered. "I tell you
what I'd do! I'd take my hand and I'd give her such
a slap in the face as she wouldn't forget in a hurry, I
know!"
He laughed despite himself. But he cried: "If it
was true, Essie? If it was true?"
"Give her another!" said Essie. "Such a one!"
Her funny little ways! He gave an exclamation and
caught her to him. She was rigid in her indignant heat.
He clasped her and turned her face to his. "Oo-oo!"
cried Essie, "Oo-oo!" and relaxed, and snuggled, and
put her mouth to his. He laughed freely—bitterly—recklessly.
How treat her as others than her class
should be treated? Why treat her so? He cried:
"Essie, you're impossible!" and squeezed her in reproof
of her and in helpless desire of her, and cried: "Essie!
Essie! Essie!"
She laughed and clung to him; laughed and kissed
him kiss for kiss. She said presently, only murmuring,
so close their lips: "Wouldn't I just though! Hard
as I could I'd fetch her such a couple of slaps! Oo-oo!
Oh, I say, Arthur! Why, I never heard such things!
I never heard such a caution as she must have been!
Jus' because you're quiet, dear—that's what it was.
One of that fast lot. That's what she was. Don't I
know them, though!"
He was just holding her, kissing her, laughing at her.
Why not? He'd not wrong her till she understood—that
was his new assurance. At Whitecliffe he'd take
her, and tell her there so that not possibly she'd
misunderstand him. Not to deceive her—he'd not
deceived her yet.
Swiftly deception came.
"Won't we be happy though!"
"Won't we!" he answered her.
"Won't I take care of you just!"
"That's what I want, Essie! That's what I want!"
"Quiet as you like, dear. I shan't mind.".
"Essie, I'll make you happy—happy."
"Just think of Mother and Dad when we tell them!
They aren't half fond of you, Mother and Dad."
The beginning of it. "We won't tell them—yet,"
he said.
"What, have a secret?"
"Just for a day or two—just till Whitecliffe."
"Oh, isn't that fine, though, to have it a secret by
ourselves!"
"Fine, Essie."
"Not long though. I couldn't keep it above a week!"
"Just a week, Essie."
She was silent a moment, her lips on his. And very
silent he.
She said: "You're not really rich, dear?"
"Yes, I am."
"Perhaps you only said it—just because. I know
how things pop out. That doesn't matter. Look, I
shouldn't be half surprised if Dad'll give you a job of
work in his shop when he knows we're engaged."
"It's true, Essie. Rich as rich."
"You've never got as much as fifty pounds?"
"Heaps more than that."
"Oh, if ever! We'll never have a jolly little house
of our own?"
"We will, though. A jolly one."
Silent again. She was smiling, dreaming. And silent
he. He was thinking, thinking. A striking clock
disturbed her. "Eleven! Oh, would you believe it! If
we don't hurry, we'll have to tell them—to explain."
"We'll hurry," he said; and he added: "We must
keep our secret, Essie."
She was out of his arms in her surprise at the hour.
Something in his voice made her look at him quickly.
"There, you're quiet now—like you are sometimes,"
she said.
He told her "I'm thinking—of you."
At that she suddenly was in his arms again, her hands
about his neck. "There's one thing," she whispered
and drew down his face. "Oh, there's one thing!"
He asked her "What?"
"Jus' tell me how you love me. You've not said it."
Not to deceive her! "As if I need, Essie?"
"But I want you to. Jus' say it so I can remember
it."
Not to deceive her! He stroked her face. "As if I
need, Essie! Why should you want me to?"
She told him: "Well, but of course you need. Of
course I want you to. Oh, isn't that jus' what a girl
wants to hear, Arthur? Why, haven't I laid awake at
night, loving you over and over, and thought how it
would be to hear you say it! Do jus' say it to me,
dear."
Not to deceive her!—not even to pretend he loved
her as she understood love! Ah, here at the stake was
his vow—caught, brought at last to the burning.
Evasions had saved it, hidden it, preserved it to him
unbroken: here it was dragged to the open. As he had
nerved himself to try to tell her, so now he strengthened
himself to hold to his resolution. Ah, as at enticement
of her funny little ways he could not resist her, so now,
by sudden yearning in her cry, fear to lose her overcame
him. She suddenly had change of her fresh young
voice; she suddenly, as he waited, and she felt his arms
relax, most passionately was pressed against him, and
suddenly, with a break, in a cry, entreatingly besought
him: "Ah, do jus' put your arms around me, dear,
and hold me close and say you love me. Do!"
Why not? How not? Thrice fool, thrice fool to
hesitate! These that she asked were only words, and all
his plans and all his happiness at stake upon them.
This not the deeper step—nothing irrevocable here.
Who, with such as Essie, would scruple as he scrupled?
Who such a fool? Who had suffered of life as he had
suffered? Who, in his case, would hold away relief as
he was holding it? She should decide. He'd hold to
that. By God, by God, he'd seal her to him first!
He said: "I love you, Essie."
Holding her, he could feel the sigh she gave run
through her as though all her spirit trembled in her
ecstasy. She whispered: "Put your face down on
mine."
He put his cheek to hers. Her cheek was wet.
"Are you crying, Essie?"
She pressed closer to him.
"Why are you crying?"
She murmured: "Well, haven't I wanted this! Isn't
it what I've always wanted! Say it again, dear. With
your face on mine and with your arms around me say it."
"I love you, Essie."
Only words—no harm in that. Only words! At
Whitecliffe he'd tell her, and she, as he'd sworn, should
decide. Only words—only words, but he'd not lose
her now!
As they walked home, he posted his letter.
"Registered letter for you," cried Essie. "My
goodness if there isn't!"
This was in the little sitting-room of the Whitecliffe
Sands lodgings—the fifth morning there; Mr. Bickers
expected on the morrow; Mr. Wriford, as had been
arranged when he was invited for the blow by the sea
that would do him a world of good, supposed to be
leaving on the same day; and Essie, as they walked the
parade together before breakfast, in highest state of
excitement and mystification at Arthur's insistence that
their secret should be kept till then and then should
be revealed—if Essie wished it.
"Well, but aren't you a tease, though!" said Essie
delightedly, as this was repeated while they came in to
where the registered letter awaited them on the
breakfast-table. "Aren't you a fair tease! 'If I want to!' Why,
aren't I simply dying to just! I'm simply bursting
to tell Mother every single minute. Isn't a secret
a caution though—just like when you've got a hole
in your dress and think everybody's looking at it. Oh,
isn't it funny how you do when you have, though? Let's
have a laugh!"
The laughter brought them to the registered letter
and to Essie's exclamation at it; and then, as she
handled the packet, readdressed in Mr. Bickers' clerkly
script, and gave it to Mr. Wriford: "Feels to me as if
some one's sent you a pocket-handkerchief," said Essie.
"That shows you don't know what a honeymoon
ticket feels like," said Mr. Wriford and fingered the
bundle of banknotes within their parchment cover.
"Listen to the crinkling. That's the confetti they
always pack it in."
Essie was highly amused. "Hasn't being engaged
made you different, though! You're jolly as anything
down here. Aren't I glad!"
"It's you that's made me different," Mr. Wriford
declared; and "Oo-oo!" cried Essie at what went with
this assurance. "Oo-oo! Look out, here's Mother
coming."
Mrs. Bickers' appearance, and then all the jolly
chatter at breakfast, and afterwards the morning bathe and
the rest of the usual programme of Whitecliffe's delights,
caused the mysterious registered letter to go—as she
would have said—clean out of Essie's head. Mr. Wriford,
when he had a moment alone, opened it and
read it, and found within it, thrice repeated, a phrase
that intensely he chorused as he put letter and the
twenty ten-pound notes in his pockets and looked upon
the immediate plans that now were all ripe for execution.
"Your return to life" was this phrase that the literary
agent three times repeated in the course of his
enthusiastic delight and surprise at news at last of missing
Mr. Wriford. He gave some astonishing figures of the
sales of Mr. Wriford's books. He put forward what
appeared to him the most engaging of the contracts
which publishers were longing to make. He ended with
How soon would Mr. Wriford run up to town for a
talk? or should Mr. Lessingham come down? "Don't let
your return to life—now that at last you have made
it—give me a moment's longer silence than you can
help."
"Return to life"—that was the phrase. Essie's
words—"Hasn't being engaged made you different,
though?"—that was the illustration of it. Return to
life! Ay, that was it, ay, that was his, far, far more
truly, with wonder of rebirth immeasurably more, than
ever Lessingham or any one in all the world could know.
There was thrill in that very thought that none but
himself knew its heights, its volume, its singing, its
radiant intensity. That knowledge was his own as in
the immediate future his life was to be his own—life
without a care, life without a tie, life of complete
abandonment to pleasure of work, to pleasure of sheer
pleasure, to pleasure of jolly little Essie always to turn to, to
look after, to make happy, and yet always to know of
her that if he wished—he never would so wish—he
could be rid of her: no tie, no bond—happiness,
freedom; freedom, happiness!
This was the state to which, with a sudden, ecstatic
soaring as it were, he had swung away from the evening
of saying "I love you, Essie," and of posting his letter,
through these laughing days at Whitecliffe Sands, to
now when arrival of the honeymoon ticket made him
all ready for the final step. Once that declaration of
the love he did not feel—as Essie understood love—had
been made, his scrupulous withholding from it lay
strewn about his feet as matter of no more regard than
the torn wrappings of a casket from which there has
been taken a very precious prize. That declaration
sealed her to him; and through those intervening days
while the letter was awaited, constantly he repeated
it, constantly embellished it. He mocked, he almost
upbraided himself for his old scruples at it. Why, it
was her due, her right, he told himself. She should be
happy with him—that was his resolve: never should
regret, never suffer. Why, how possibly could she be
happy, how avoid pains of regret, if she were not
assured that he loved her?
So he gave her this bond—that was her due—of
his love; so with each day, each hour, each moment of
Whitecliffe in her company he became more and more
assured of her. Assured! He was convinced. There
was not a glance from her eyes, not a sound from her
lips, not a touch of her hand but informed him that she
was his to do with as he would, come any test that he
might put her to. Return to life! Why, this freedom,
this happiness, was but the threshold of it. Return to
life! He imaged all the darkness he had come through
and damned it in exultant triumph at all its terrors
trampled under foot: night, darker than deepest
summer darkness here, he had known; day, of which these
burning cloudless days of holiday were sign and symbol,
now was his, and brighter still awaited him....
Whitecliffe Sands, anxious to present to its visitors
every attraction and convenience that may place it
among rising seaside resorts, numbers among the latter
a Tourist Bureau in the High Street where, so an
inscription informs you, you may book in advance to any
railway station in the British Isles. On the morning
of the arrival of the registered letter, Mr. Wriford
stepped in here and took for to-morrow two first-class
tickets to London: a fast train at five o'clock in the
afternoon, he was told.
The morrow brought Mr. Bickers at midday, Mrs. Bickers
and Mr. Wriford and Essie at the station to
meet him, Essie in his arms and hugging him with
delighted cries of joy before he is well out of the train.
It is a thing to make all who stand about on the
platform desist from their own greetings to see her slim
young figure in its pretty white dress flash forward as
the train comes in, and to smile at her cry of "There he
is! Oh, jus' look at his summer waistcoat he's got!"
and then to see her in his arms with "Oh, Dad! Oh,
if you don't look a darling in that waistcoat!
Whereever did you get it, though?"
Most wonderfully animated she is, most radiantly
pretty. Mr. Bickers, after affectionate greeting of his
wife, and to Mr. Wriford most genial "Hullo, Arthur!
All right? That's the way! Glad to see you again,
Arthur," watches her adoringly where she has returned
to his carriage with "I'll get your bag, Dad!" and says:
"Doesn't she look a picture, our Essie! Doesn't
Whitecliffe suit our Essie!"
Most wonderfully animated she is, most radiantly
pretty—chattering; walking with gay little skips as
she holds Dad's hand while they proceed to the lodgings;
carrying them all with her a dozen times on her
irresistible appeal of: "Oh, isn't that funny, though! Let's
have a laugh," before the lodgings are reached.
It is much more than Whitecliffe's breezes that make
her thus, much more than joy at Dad's arrival: it is
that this is To-day, the promised day—the secret
come to bursting-point, and to burst out in all its
wonder at any moment that Mr. Wriford may choose to
relieve the almost unbearable excitement and mystery
and tell her it may be told. "Feels to me like all the
birthdays I ever had all rolled into one," Essie had
declared to Mr. Wriford early that morning. "If you'd
seen me jump out of bed when I woke up! Oh, jus'
think when we tell them! Will it be when Dad arrives
at the station? Well, at lunch, then?" And when
Mr. Wriford smiles and shakes his head at each of these,
"Well, but they think you're going to-day! Oh, if ever
I knew any one love a mystery like you do!"
"I'll tell you when," says Mr. Wriford. "I'll tell
you all of a sudden." For him also it is the day—the
promised day—awaited thus with deliberate purpose,
and he a little nervous, a little restless, something ill
at ease now that its hour swiftly comes.
"You're never going to keep it till the very last
minute just before they think you're going? My goodness,
I couldn't bear it. I'll simply scream. I know I
shall."
"Look here, Essie, I'll tell you. I'm going by the
five o'clock train to London—"
Essie corrects him. "You mean that's what you'll
say you are. Oh, how ever I won't scream I can't
think!"
"Well, just before that we'll say we're going for a
last walk together—for me to say good-bye to
everything; and then we'll arrange how to—tell them."
She clapped her hands and laughed with glee. "If
you're not a caution, Arthur! Oh, how ever I won't
scream before five o'clock! Oh, when we tell them!"
At five o'clock she was to be lying still, with silent
lips: he on his knees: death waiting.
"You're never going to keep it till the very last
minute?" Essie had said. Mr. Wriford's plan rested
for its actual execution upon this very fact of keeping
it till the very last minute—from her. Essie had
thrilled with the delicious mystification of "They think
you're going to-day." It was his carefully deliberated
project suddenly to spring upon her that indeed he was
going to-day—and then to ask her: "I'm going, Essie—by
this train—I'm not going back to say good-bye—I'm
going now—for ever. Essie, are you coming with
me?"
Thus was she suddenly to be presented with it. Thus
was she to decide—flatly, immediately. She was to
know what sort of union he intended. She was either
to fear it and let him go from her—as he would go—at
once and for ever; or of her love for him he was to
carry her with him—immediately, to have always for
his own!
Let Essie decide! He was holding to that. With
Essie let the decision be! All he was doing was to
present the decision to her sharp and clear and sudden:
all he had done was to tell her that he loved her. But
there resulted to him this: that between the sharpness
of the decision she was to make and the love he had
pressed upon her in these intervening Whitecliffe days,
between the effects of these on such as Essie was, he
was certain of her, convinced of her: so utterly assured
of her that as, after lunch, they left the house for that
last walk in which he was "to say good-bye to
everything," he told Mr. and Mrs. Bickers: "Don't be
anxious if we're not back by half-past four. There's
another train at seven. I can just as well go by that if
we find we want to stop out a bit;" so certain of her
that, as they left the house, "Bring a warm wrap of
some kind," he said to Essie. "Bring that long cloak
of yours."
"Why, it's as hot as anything!" Essie protested.
But the agonies of "nearly screaming" in which she
had sat through lunch while Mother and Dad said how
sorry they were Arthur was going, and that if the job
of work he was after fell through he was to be sure and
let them know at once—the agonies of enduring this
without screaming, made it, as she told him when they
were started, impossible "to stand there arguing on the
steps with them watching us, so I've got to lug this
along, and don't I look half a silly carrying it either,
all along the parade too!"
"I'll carry it," said Mr. Wriford and took the cloak;
"and we won't keep along the parade. We'll go that
walk of ours in towards Yexley Green and round by
that white house with the jolly garden and come out on
to the cliff. That'll give us plenty of time to get back."
Essie laughed and skipped. "Plenty of time! How
you can keep it up like that I can't think. My goodness,
if you oughtn't to be on the stage! Hope you like
carrying that cloak!"
"Well, there'll be a shower or two, I shouldn't be
surprised," said Mr. Wriford. "Anyway, it'll do to
sit down on when we get over to the cliff and sit
down—to arrange."
This white house with the jolly garden that was to
be the turning-point of their walk had come to be quite
a place of pilgrimage since its chance discovery on the
first morning of the holiday. "Whitehouse" was its
name. It was tenantless. An auctioneer's placard
announced that it was for sale. They had walked far
along the cliffs from Whitecliffe Sands on that first
morning, had taken a winding lane that led to Yexley
Green, and in the lane suddenly had come upon Whitehouse,
with which immediately Essie, and Mr. Wriford
scarcely less, had fallen most encaptivatingly in love.
A high wall surrounded it. They had explored its
garden: kitchen garden with fruit trees; and a bit of lawn
with a shady old elm; and enticing odd little bits of
garden tucked here and there behind shrubberies and
in corners; and a little stable—at the stable Mr. Wriford
had said: "That's where you'd keep a fat little
pony, Essie, and have one of those jolly little governess
cars and drive into Whitecliffe every day to do the
shopping." And "Oh, if ever!" Essie had cried delightedly;
and immediately and thenceforward the thing had been
to come here every day and imagine Whitehouse was
theirs and plan the garden—sadly neglected—as
they would have it if it were. One storey high, the
house, and white, and "sort of bulging, the darling,"
as Essie had said, with the effect that the three
ground-floor rooms and even the kitchen at the back were
spaciously circular in shape. High French windows—"My
goodness, though, if there aren't more windows
than walls almost!" Encircled all about by a wide,
paved verandah.
"It's the very house for an author," Mr. Wriford
had declared. "Shut away from everything by that
jolly old wall, Essie; and this room—come and look
at this room, Essie—this would be mine where I'd
write. It must get the sun pretty well all day, and it's
sort of away from the others—quite quiet. Couldn't
I write in there!"
Essie with her nose flat against the window: "Oh,
wouldn't it be glorious! Can't I just see you sitting
in there writing a book! Perhaps I'd be out on the
verandah here with a little dog that I'd have and just
have a peep at you sometimes!"
To-day as they came by Whitehouse and turned
towards the cliffs there was a sudden development of
these imaginative ecstasies. The showers that
Mr. Wriford had foreboded, heralded by watery clouds
trailing up from the west, approached in quickening
drops of heavy rain as they came through Yexley Green.
They were at Whitehouse when sudden midsummer
downpour broke and descended.
"My goodness!" cried Essie.
"We'll shelter in the porch—in the verandah,"
said Mr. Wriford and opened the gate. "Run, Essie!"
In the porch, Essie breathless and laughing from
their helter-skelter rush, and shaking the raindrops
from her skirts, Mr. Wriford read again a duplicate of
the auctioneer's notice posted at the gate. He came
to the last words and read them aloud with exclamation.
"'Open to view!' Essie, if we haven't been donkeys
all this time! I believe it's—" He turned the handle
of the door. "It is. It's open!"
"Oo-oo!" cried Essie, clasping her hands in delight,
flashing her sparkling eyes all about the wide hall—its
white panelling, its inglenook fireplace, its room-doors
standing ajar with captivating peeps of interiors
even more entrancing than when seen from outside,
its low, spacious stairway bending up to the first
floor—"Oh, if ever! Oh, Arthur, if it isn't a darling!"
At the cliffs—and they had been within five minutes
of them when the rain came—he had planned they
should sit down and he would tell her: "I'm going by
the five o'clock train. Here's my ticket. Essie, are
you coming with me? Look, here's yours." The
diversion of being within enchanting Whitehouse, his
laughter at Essie's ecstasies as from room to room they went,
momentarily forgot him his purpose—and yet, and
partly of envisaging within these perfect surroundings
the very joy, settled with Essie in dwelling-place so
conducive to work and happiness as this, that soon
should be his, brought him (and her) directly to it.
With light and trifling steps they suddenly were
plunged amidst it. The exploration, twice repeated,
was done. Essie was in ecstasies anew over the sitting-room,
of which Mr. Wriford told her again: "Yes, this
would be yours. That's the dining-room behind, you
see, with a door to the kitchen where your servants
would be."
"Not really two servants?" said Essie.
"Oh, rather—three perhaps; and then the gardener
chap who'd look after your pony-trap."
"Oh, my goodness!" said Essie, sparkling. "Do
just go on, dear!"
"Yes, well, this would be yours. We wouldn't call
it the drawing-room or any rot like that. Just your
room with jolly furniture and a little bureau where
you'd keep your accounts. We'd have tea in here when
we didn't have it outside. The servants would call it
the sitting-room. We'd call it jolly little Essie's room.
I'd get fed up with working sometimes, you know, and
come and sprawl about in here. You'd be sewing or
something, I expect."
Essie had no expression for all this but an enormous
sigh of ecstasy. Then she said: "Now we'll go back
to yours," and hand in hand they came to it—and to
their reckoning.
"Simply built for a chap to write in," Mr. Wriford
said. "Just look how it gets the sun. It's stopped
raining. I'd come here directly after breakfast. That's
the time I can write. There's where I'd have my table.
You'd see I was kept quiet."
"Oh, wouldn't I just," said Essie. "You see, there's
a passage comes right down to this door, and my goodness
if I saw any of the servants come past that corner
there, or even go into the room overhead! My goodness,
they'd know it if they did!"
He put his arm about her shoulders and laughed and
pressed her to him; and Essie said: "Oh, just fancy if
it really could be ours!"
He kept her there. She in his arm, they in surroundings
such as these: he working, she ministering to him—ah,
return to life! return to life!
"Well, we'll have a place as like it as we can find,"
he said.
She shook her head. With just a little sigh, "We
never could," she said. "We'll be happier than
anything wherever we are; but one thing, there couldn't
be another darling place like this, and another, it would
cost a fair fortune. Why, it's not even to let. It's only
for sale."
He told her easily: "That's all right. That's just
what we're going to do—buy a little place somewhere.
I bet a thousand would buy this Whitehouse, buried
away down here."
Essie made a tremendous mouthful of the word:
"Well, a thousand!"
He laughed and squeezed her in reproof again. "Or
two," he said. "Won't you ever understand what they
pay for what you call the silly books?"
She had protested before, when in these Whitecliffe
days he had assured her of his identity with Philip
Wriford, that she never would have said silly in the
library that evening if she had known the book was his
"really." She protested now again with a wriggle and
a laugh; but quickly upon her protest looked up at him
with: "Oh, you can't ever mean that you really could
buy this? You simply can't?"
He nodded, smiling.
"Oh," she cried, "why not then? Why not? Oh,
Arthur, just think if you would! Oh, jus' think!"
The smile went from his lips and from his eyes.
Whitehouse, so near to Mother and Dad, was impossible.
Flight must take them, and keep them, very far from
here. Before he could speak it was this very fact of
proximity to home that she adduced in further persuasion.
"And think," she cried, "how near we'd be to Mother
and Dad! Jus' an hour in the train. I could see them
every week. I expect you've thought they'd live with
us, you being so rich. But they never would, you know.
Dad would never leave his shop, one thing; and another,
Mother's often said when we've talked about me getting
married one day, that a girl ought to have a home of
her own and not have her mother tied round her neck.
Why, this would be perfect, this darling Whitehouse,
and so close to them! Oh, if you really can, Arthur!"
Here was the telling of it.
"I can't," he said. "We can't live here, Essie."
She detected something amiss in his tone. There
went out of her face the fond and smiling entreaty
expressive of her plea. She said: "Arthur, why?"
To one of the windows there was a broad window-seat,
and he took her to it. "Let's sit down here,
Essie."
She said: "Oh, whatever is it, dear?"
He took her hand. "It's this. What I told your
father and mother about going by the five o'clock train
is true. I am going. It's nearly four now. It's time
to be starting back. I am going. Look, here's my
ticket."
Wonderingly she looked at it, and at him. "Oh,
you can't be?"
"I am. There's the ticket. Essie, look. Here's
yours."
She almost laughed. She looked at his face and the
impulse was checked. But she said half-laughingly,
her brows prettily puckered: "Oh, whatever? Is it
a game, dear, you're having?"
"No, it's no game. It's very serious. I'm going—for
good. Not coming back—ever."
She made a little distressful motion with her hands.
"Oh, Arthur, don't go on so, dear. Whatever can you
mean?"
"I mean just what I say. I'm going—at five
o'clock." He stopped and looked intently into her
wondering, her something shadowed, eyes. He said:
"Essie, are you coming with me?"
This time she laughed. It obviously was a game!
A little ring of her clear and merry laughter, and her
eyes that always sparkled, that had been shadowed,
sparkling anew. "Oh, if you oughtn't to be an actor
on the stage! If you didn't half frighten me, though!"
and she laughed again. "Why, how could I come?
Why, we're not married yet!"
Now!
He put an arm about her and drew her to him.
"Don't let me frighten you, Essie. Trust me. Trust
me. Come with me, Essie. I'll take care of you. I'll
love you always. You'll never regret it—not a
moment. You know what I can do for you—everything
you want. You know how happy we'll be—happy,
happy."
He had imagined—he had prepared for—everything
that she might say: fears, tears, doubts, protests—he
had rehearsed his part, his fond endearments,
his dear cajoleries, against them all. He was utterly
unprepared for her answer, for the gentle puzzlement
in her eyes that went with it, for the Sunday-school
awe in her voice with which she spoke it.
"What, live in sin?" said Essie.
He was prepared for, he had rehearsed, every way
this telling of her might go. Across any difficulties of
it he had stepped to the utter conviction of her that,
howsoever it went, would radiantly end it, he knew.
He was utterly unprepared for this her first contribution
to it, for each and all with which she followed it,
for the sudden fear, and then the quickly mounting
fear, and then the knowledge, that she was lost to
him—that the game was up, the thing done, the plans
shattered, the future irrevocably destroyed: he was most
unprepared of all, as the knowledge came and grew and
burned within him, for the fury that began to fill him
at his loss, the fury and the hate that finally he broke
upon her. And God, God, how vilely quickly the thing
was projected, was fought, was done! In one minute,
as it seemed to him, they were lovingly trifling their
plans of Whitehouse; in the next, those very plans had
swept him to the telling; in the next, return to life was
crushed like ashes in his mouth, and his fury and hate
were out and raging; in the next, they were back returning
on the cliffs, a blustering wind got up, rain again
streaming.
Look how it went. Consider the quickness of it.
"What, live in sin?"
He caught her to him. "Live together, live together,
Essie—always. Don't talk about sin."
"How could I? Oh, how ever could I?"
"Together, together, Essie! Think of us together
in a little house of our own just like this. Think of you
looking after me, and of me looking after my sweet,
my dear, my darling!"
"How could I, dear? How could I?"
"Trust me—trust me! Ah, those tears in my darling's
darling eyes! Look how I kiss them away and
hold her in my arms and always hold her."
"I couldn't, dear. I couldn't."
"You know I'm different. You know how different
I am from other men. That's why I ask you, why I
take you, without marrying you. Does it frighten you
at first? Only at first. You know I'm different. You
know you trust me."
"Oh, you don't love me! You don't love me, after all!"
Chill at his heart.
"I can't live without you, Essie."
"Oh, you couldn't ask me to live in sin, not if you
loved me."
Swift fear that he has lost her.
"It is because I love you. Because I love you."
"Oh, didn't I love to think you loved me, Arthur!
You don't. You don't."
Losing her! The knowledge loses him the ardour of
his words, halts him and stumbles him among them.
"You're silly, you're silly to talk like that!"
"Oh, didn't I think you loved me truly!"
Lost her! He knows it. He feels it. There is something
in her simple, plaintive exclamations, in her "I
couldn't, couldn't, dear," in her abandonment to belief
that he cannot love her—there is some damned, numbing
essence in it that emanates as it were from her spirit
and thus informs him; and thus informing him, numbs
and dumbs his own. Lost her! And cannot combat
it. Lost her! And has no words, no help. Fury beginning
in him. Fury at his impotence mounting within
him. Return to life! By God, by God, to lose it!
"Essie, will you let me go, then? Now? For ever?
You can't. All our love? All our happiness we're going
to have?"
"Oh, didn't I think you loved me truly!"
Fury within him. That maddening iteration of her
maddening cry! He can scarcely retain his fury. He
chokes it back. He is hoarse as he grinds out words.
"Think of us in a little house like we've planned."
"I couldn't, dear, I couldn't!"
"Think how we'll have everything we want!"
"Oh, I can't bear to hear you tempting me!"
Fury in a storm breaks out of him. "Oh!" he cries
and makes a savage action with his arms that thrusts
her from him. "Oh, for God Almighty's sake, don't
drag the Bible into it!"
She says: "Arthur!"
He gets violently to his feet, his hands clenched, and
makes again that savage, breaking action of his arms,
and cries at her: "Temptation and sin and rubbish,
rubbish, like that! Let it alone! If you don't love me,
say so! If you're going to let me go, say so! Don't
drag the Bible into it! If you don't love me, say so, say
so, say so!"
"Arthur, you know I love you. You don't love me,
dear!"
A last effort. A last control of his fury. He turns to
her. "Essie, I can't live without you. Essie! Essie!"
"Oh, you couldn't love me to ask me to live in sin!"
That ends it. That expression—its beastly and
vulgar piety, its common, vulgar phraseology—sweeps
across his fury as in a rasping shudder of abhorrence.
He breaks his fury out upon it. He bursts out: "By
God, you're common, common! Do you think I'd
marry you—you? What do you think you are? Who
do you think I am? Marry you! Marry you! Let's
get out of this! Let's go home, and you can tell your
father and your mother!"
Return to life! Gone, gone! Lost, lost! He was
shaking with hate and shaking with utter fury. He
walked to the door and staggered as he walked and must
stop and correct his direction as though he were drunken.
At the door he turned to her and saw that she remained
seated, leaning back against the window, her hands
clasped. He cried: "Are you coming? Are you coming?"
She got up and came to him and went through the
doorway before him and through the outer door. He
slammed it behind him, and they passed out from Whitehouse
and up the lane, and out upon the cliffs and turned
along them homeward. Raining. He carried her cloak
but did not offer it her. A wind blew gustily from off
the land that frequently buffetted him, and her, and at
whose buffettings and at the slippery foothold of the
rain-swept grass he angrily exclaimed.
She walked to seaward of him close along the cliff's
edge. Here the cliff fell sharply a few feet, then
overhung an outward lap of gorse and bracken, sheer then
to the sands. Once as they pressed and slipped their
way along, he caught her eyes. She was crying. He
sneered: "You can tell your father and mother!"
She caught her breath to answer him: "As if—I
should!"
"What are you crying about, then?"
"Didn't I think you loved me—truly!"
They were approaching the little coastguard station
of Yexley Gap. Damn this rain. Damn this slippery
grass. Damn this infernal wind. A fiercer gust came
blustering seaward. He caught with both hands at his
hat—nearly gone. Essie's cloak upon his arm blew
across his eyes—blinded him, and he had to stop.
She didn't scream. It was not a cry. She just, in
perplexity, in puzzlement, in trouble as it were, said
"Arthur!"
She was balancing. She was struck by the wind and
balancing—balancing with her body and with her arms,
and looking at him as if she did not quite know what
was happening to her; and in the like perplexity said
to him "Arthur!"—balancing, over-balancing.
There were not ten feet between them. He rushed,
and slipped as he rushed. It was like running with
those leaden feet of nightmare. It seemed to him an
immense time before he reached her. A horrible,
blundering, unspeakable business, then. The cloak, the
accursed cloak, got between them—between them. A
jumbling, ghastly, blundering business, their hands
fumbling on either side of it. Was this going on for
ever and ever? The accursed cloak fumbled itself away.
Ah, God, now it was their naked hands that were
fumbling—all wet and slippery with rain, seeming to
be all fists and no fingers and only knocking against
one another instead of catching hold. And not a word
said, and only very quick breathing, and jumbling and
fumbling and jumbling. Look here, this fumbling, she's
falling, toppling; is this going on for ever and ever and
ever?
It was her hands that in the last wild, hideous
fumbling clutched his. She toppled right back. He fell.
He was face downwards upon the slippery grass, to his
waist almost over the cliff, and slipping, slipping, and
she had his hands—the backs of his hands over the
knuckles so that his fingers were imprisoned and useless,
and there she hung and dragged him, and he was slipping.
He said: "O God, Essie! O God! Can't you get
your hands higher up, so I can hold you, instead of you
holding me?"
She said: "I shall fall if I do."
He said: "My darling! My darling! Hold on, then,
Essie. Dig your nails in."
"Am I hurting you?"
"Oh, for God's sake, Essie, hold, hold!"
Next she said: "Are you slipping?"
He said: "Some one will come. Some one will come.
I heard a shout. Hold! Hold!"
She persisted: "Are you slipping?"
He said: "Yes. I'm slipping. Hold! Hold!"
There isn't any need to describe anything—of his
gradual slipping by her drag upon him, of his useless
hands enviced in hers, of her very terrible clutch upon
them.
She presently said: "Tell me that what you said on
the seat that night, dear."
He knew. He cried most passionately: "I love you, Essie."
"Truly?"
From the uttermost depths of his heart: "Truly! Truly!"
"More than any one?"
From his soul, from all his deepest depths, from all
he ever had suffered, from all he ever had been, "Essie,"
he cried, "before God I love you more than all the
world!"
She said: "You can't raise me to kiss me, can you,
dear?"
He said: "I can't, Essie."
"Are you slipping?"
He did not answer her. He was slipped almost
beyond recovery.
She then said: "Say that again—'before God.'
I like that, dear."
"Essie, Essie, before God I love you above all the
world!"
She gave a little sigh. She said: "Well, both of
us—what's the sense to it, dear?" and she opened her
fingers, and he saw her whizz, strike the face of the cliff
where it jutted out, and pitch, and crash among the
gorse and bracken, and roll over and over to the very
edge of the outward lap above the sands, and caught
there and lying there ... her jolly little dress for
Whitecliffe lying there.
A hand grabbed him, or he, beyond recovery of his
balance, had followed her. A coastguard grabbed him
and dragged him back. He said in a thick, odd voice:
"What the devil's the use of that now? You fool, what
the devil's the use of that?"
He lay there, the rain stopped, in the sunshine. He
just lay there—a minute, an hour, a year, a lifetime,
eternity? They went down—a circuitous path to
where she lay. They brought her up. They carried
her, on a shutter, past him. He gave some wordless
sound from his lips and scrambled on his knees towards
their burden and threw his arms about it and clung
there, with wordless sounds.
One man said: "She's alive, sir."
Another man said: "We'd best try to get her home
before—"
A third man said: "Can you walk to show us the way?"
He got up and went stumbling along.
They carry her to her room. There is only one doctor
in Whitecliffe. He is found and fetched; and leaving
Mr. and Mrs. Bickers by the bedside, comes down to
the sitting-room where is a man stunned to apparent
speechlessness by grief, whom he takes to be the
patient's brother. The doctor says he will stay till the
end, and for "the end" then substitutes "for the night." There
is nothing he can do immediately and by himself.
He speaks of the possibility of an operation in the
morning, but seemingly has no thought of telegraphing to a
surgeon he names who could perform it. She will pass
away without recovery of consciousness, he fears.
There is not only the injury to her head but of her spine.
More than that there is the question of— If the case
had been taken to the hospital at Market Redding....
The man whom he takes to be her brother drags with
blundering fingers from his pocket a packet of
banknotes and thrusts them towards him with a curious
action—an action suggestive (were not the idea
ridiculous) of their being some horrible thing.
Well, are they not the price of her that was to buy
her?
Taking the packet, the doctor flushes. He had judged
these people by the rooms they occupy—a clumsy
thing to do at the seaside where frequently people must
take what accommodation they can find. This man's
educated bearing, perceptible despite the grief that
scarcely enables him to speak, should have informed
him of his mistake. Very well, he will telegraph. He
cannot hold out much hope. But convey hope to those
poor old folk up-stairs. Indeed, of course one knows
of cases.... In these days of aeroplanes one hears
of cases where terrible falls, long periods of unconsciousness,
have been survived. Eh? Still—and though he is
alone in the sitting-room with this the poor girl's brother
he drops his voice and tells him....
She lies in her room, Mother and Dad with her. She
lies there unconscious and only, under God, to wake
to die. He that had stumbled before her bier, directing
those who bore her, stumbles now from the house. "Kill
me! Kill me!" Ah, cry that pulses as a wound within
him; that he desires to cry aloud, and would cry aloud,
and does wordlessly groan with his breathing. But
there is agony that he endures that of speech bereaves
him, of power of movement wherewith to carry out
what now alone remains, numbs and denies him. There
is a seat without the house upon the parade. He drops
upon it, and there endures ... and there endures....
Endures! It is as if there had been discovered to him
within him some vital core, some spot, some nucleus
of life, some living soul and centre of him, capable of
receiving the very quick and apotheosis of torture, such
as all his normal body and all his normal mind delivered
over to rack and irons could not have felt. There is a
point in human pain where pain, numbing the centres
of the mind, mercifully defeats itself and can no more.
There is discovered to him within him a core, a quick,
an essence of him, capable of agony to infinity, down
into which, as a blunted knife, drives every thought
in writhing agony. In physical agony he writhes
beneath them, twisting his legs, driving his nails within
his palms, bleeding with his teeth his lips.
In that flash while she fell, and falling saved him:
"She has given her life for mine!" In that hour, that
age, that all eternity of time while, prone and powerless,
rescued upon the cliff he lay: "Twice, twice, I look
upon a body lifeless to let mine live!" In that
stumbling progression before her bier: "Kill me! Kill me!
O vile, O worst, O foulest, unnameable thing, betake
thyself to hell, if any hell be vile enough to hold thee!"
Revelation! Revelation! As she fell, as he lay, as
he stumbled, as here he writhes in agony—revelation—and
all his life in terrible review beneath it. "Kill
me! Kill me!" he groans. "O vile, O worst, O foulest,
unnameable thing, betake thyself to hell, if any hell be
vile enough to hold thee!"
"Not so. Not yet," there answers him. It is as
though there speak to him his thoughts with voice that
peals imperatively through all his being, reverberating
through him in tremendous majesty of doom, as through
the aisles reverberates and makes to tremble all the air
an organ's swelling thunder.
"Not so! Not yet! Thou hast not strength to move
to find thy hell. Rise if thou canst. Stay, for thou
must. Revelation is here. Behold thy life beneath it!"
He crouches there. Enormously it thunders all about
him. "Revelation! O blind, O purblind miserable!
Have not a thousand lights been thrust before thee to
proclaim thee this that only now thou seest? Thou
seeker after happiness! Thou greatly-to-be-pitied!
Thou sufferer! Thou victim of affliction! Thou
innocent! Thou greatly wronged! Is it thus thou hast seen
thyself? Ah, whining wretch that thou hast been! Ah,
blind, ah, purblind fool, that could not see! That first
must have a life to show thee! That first must send
to death he that in daily sacrifices of thy companionship
had shown thee happiness was sacrifice! Blind,
blind! Thou must demand death of him to try to rend
thy blindness, and still wast blind, still cried to heaven
of thy misery, still wast of all men most to be pitied,
most oppressed! Ah, whining wretch! To her for more
revelation thou must come. By her, daily, hourly
revelation is thrust before thee—she, that gay, that sweet,
that joyous life, whose every single, smallest thought
was thought for others, and still, O soul enmired,
enmeshed in blindness, thou couldst not see!—still thou
must have the deeper sacrifice! One life doth not
suffice thee. Another thou must have. And now thou
criest: 'Revelation! Revelation!' What cost? Look,
look, thou vilest, now that thine eyes are clear, now
that thy soul is stirred at last from all the slime of self,
self, self, where thou hast kept it—look now, and
count the cost of this thy revelation. Look now! Hold
up thy shuddering soul, new from its slime, to look how
all thy life is strewed with sacrifices made for thee, how
at each step, blind, thou hast demanded more; how
two whose every slightest breath was more of beauty
than all thy years have made, how two were given thee;
how in thy blindness thou rebukedst them both in each
devotion, in every act of love, of care, and must press
on to have their lives, their broken bodies—he by the
sea, she by the cliff—for this thy revelation."
Day comes to evening, evening reaches into night.
"Kill me! Kill me!" he moans. "O vile, O worst,
O foulest thing, O blind, let me betake myself to hell,
if any hell be vile enough to hold me!"
There answers him in dreadful summons, in final roll
and crash of sound: "Look back. Look back. Thou
hast purchased this thy revelation. Thou hast recovered
from its slime thy soul. Two lives and boundless
love thou hast demanded for it. Thy price is paid.
Look back, look back. Hold up that soul of thine and
see the way that thou hast come. Then seek thy hell,
if hell will have thee. Hold up thy soul!"
The sound is snatched away. Only its resonance
remains, and sharp and piercing streams the air it
leaves to silence. In that intensity with new eyes he
looks back; and now into this quick, this nucleus of
life within him that is made capable of pain transcending
human pain, receives each vision that his new eyes
reveal. In agony receives them, writhing at their
torture. Who had been happy? They that had sacrificed!
Happy till when? Till he came! Happy in what? In
selflessness, in selflessness.... Who had been happy?
That uncouth vagabond that in their every moment
together had tended him, cared for him, protected him.
O blind, that, mired in self, never till now had realised
his strong devotion! In shame, in horror, in grief's
abandonment, he cries aloud his uncouth name: "Puddlebox!
Puddlebox! For me! O God, for me!" Writhing,
he hears his jolly voice: "O ye tired strangers
of the Lord: bless ye the Lord." Hears his jolly voice:
"Down, loony, down!" ... That was on the wagon,
receiving blows that he might escape! ... Hears his
jolly voice: "You think too much about yourself, boy,
and therefore I name you spooked." ... O blind, O
blind that all his life had thought too much about
himself, and only of himself—thought only of how to win
his own happiness, realised never till now that
happiness was in making others happy, and nowhere else,
and nowhere else! ... Hears his jolly voice: "Wherefore
whatsoever comes against me, boy—heat, cold;
storm, shine; hunger, fullness; pain, joy—cause for
praise I find in them all and therefore sing: 'O ye
world of the Lord; bless ye the Lord.'" ... O blind,
blind, that many weeks lived with that creed and never
till now realised its meaning.... Hears his jolly voice:
"I like you, boy." ... Hears his jolly voice: "Why,
what to the devil is the sense of it, boy?"—but doing
it, following it, for him! ... O blind, O blind! ... Hears
his jolly voice: "I'm to you now, boy! I'm to
you, boy. Why, that's my loony!" ... Hears his
jolly voice: "Wedge in, boy! Wedge in! Swim! Why,
I'd swim that rotten far with my hands tied, and I
challenge you or any man—" ... Sees him swing off his
hands, and drop, and go, and drown, and die.... O
blind, blind, blind!
Deep swings the night about him; deep sounds the
murmuring sea. "Kill me! Kill me!" he groans.
"O vile, O worst, O foulest thing, let me betake myself
to hell, if any hell be vile enough to hold me!"
There answers him: "Not so. Not yet. Look back.
Look back. Hold up thy soul, new from its slime of
self, self, self, and look along the way that thou hast
come. Hold up thy soul and look!"
He is searching, he is searching in the days at Pendra.
He is wondering, he is wondering. Is there some secret
of happiness in life that he has missed? O blind, O
purblind in the face of God! Day and night, by
countless love, by endless devotion, the secret had been
thrust before him. Blind! Of self alone he had thought.
The last, the uttermost sacrifice had been presented
him. Blind! Enmired, enmeshed in self, it had shown
him nothing, left him still whimpering, still wondering,
still seeking, still pitying his fate. Who had been happy?
Essie! Essie! Happy till when? Till he came! Happy
in what? In selflessness! Blind! O blindness black
beyond belief, now that with new eyes he sees it.
Puddlebox had shown him. Essie not alone had shown
him but had told him. On that day of the depth of his
misery at the Tower House School, when she had helped
and advised him by telling of her way with her own
Sunday-school boys: "You jus' try it," she had said.
"I mean to say, whatever's the good of anybody if
they don't try to make everybody else happy, is there?
You jus' try." He had tried. He had made the boys
happy. Himself he had touched happiness in theirs.
O blind, O blind! She had given the very secret of
happiness into his hands, and he had used it and proved
it and yet, so chained in self, had never recognised it,
but had pressed on for further proof. On past her
"Aren't you quiet, though, sometimes? I don't mind,
dear." On past her "Oh, won't I keep you quiet just
when you're working!" On to her piteous cry: "Oh,
didn't I think you loved me truly!" On, on, voracious
in his blindness as vampire in its lust, on, on,
demanding yet another life until she says: "Well, both of us,
dear, what's the sense to it?" Until she lies there,
broken, that he might live. Until she lies here
unconscious and only, under God, to wake to die.
"Kill me! Kill me!" he groans. "Let me find hell,
if any hell is vile enough to hold me. Let me not live
but to create hell here on earth for all who come about
me. O ye world of the Lord: bless ye the Lord." He
had crushed out that praise. "Let's have a laugh!" He
had crushed out that laughter.
Kill himself. That was left. That was all. Ah, if
he had but killed himself when, on that night countless
ages of changed identity ago, he had thrown himself
into the river! Who had been saved had he not lived?
What of delight had he not robbed the world had he
not trailed across it? Who had been saved? Old
Puddlebox—old Puddlebox had been alive, jovial, genial,
praising. Essie—Essie had been alive, laughing,
loving, streaming her sunshine. Who would have missed
him? None, none, for there was none in all his life he
had brought happiness.
Was there none, indeed? What is this sudden
apprehension as of some new dismay that checks and holds
him? What new revelation of his depths has that
question unlocked, unloosed upon him? What change,
what agony is here? What bursts within his heart?
What seems to struggle in the air to reach him? What
sweeps across that quick, that nucleus of life, that core,
that essence, that as deep waters takes his breath and
holds him trembling where till now in torture he has
writhed?
"Matey! Matey!"
"Captain! Captain!"
Ah, tumult inexpressible as of bursting floods rushing
in mist and spray from bondage; ah, surging of immensity
of thoughts, of visions. Missed him had he died?
There was one, there was one had lost a little happiness
had he died when he had tried to die. "Captain! Captain!"
He hears his voice as he had heard it in the ward:
"Matey! Matey! Gor' bless yer, Matey!"
He turns about on the seat. He throws his arms
upon its rail. He buries his face upon them.
There is a step across the road. A hand touches him.
"Arthur? Is that you, Arthur?"
Mr. Bickers, bending above him.
"Is she dead?"
"She's still unconscious. I'm anxious for Mrs. Bickers,
Arthur. I want to take her to lie down a little.
Would you just come and watch in case our Essie
wakes?"
He gets up and goes with Mr. Bickers to the house.
Look where she lies. Never to wake? Unconscious,
and only, under God, to wake to die? Surely she but
reposes, smiling, smiling there? Look where her face,
surrounded by her hair, rests there untouched by
scratch or mark or bruise. Surely she only sleeps;
and sleeping, surely still pursues those gay young fancies
of her joyous life: look how they seem to smile upon
those soft, expressive lips of hers. Look where she lies.
Look how her tender form, hid of its suffering, lies there
so slim and shapely beneath the wrappings drawn about
her. Look at her hands, each slightly closed, that lie
upon her breast: surely to touch them is to feel
responsive their firm, cool clasp? surely to touch them is
to wake her? Look where she lies. Never to wake?
Unconscious, and only, under God, to wake to die?
Surely she but reposes, smiling, smiling there?
Look where she lies. This is her room. Look where
here, and here, and here, and here, are all her little
trinkets, treasures, trifles, she has brought with her
from home for this her jolly holiday. These are her
portraits here, in those plush frames, of Mother and
of Dad. That is her text she has illumined, taken from
her "fav'rit:" "Lift up your heads, O ye gates: and
be ye lift up, ye everlasting doors." An odd, long text
for framing. Those are her copper wire "native"
bracelets there. "Oh, you don't have to look half
smart on the parade, evenings!" That is her Church-service
by her bed. He remembers that first night
when he used it. Those are her best gloves, smoothed
out there. That old stump of lead pencil lying upon
them was his. He remembers it.
Look where she lies. On the threshold he pauses.
That is old Mr. Bickers gone again on his knees against
the bed, his white head bowed within his hands. That
is Mrs. Bickers kneeling there, her lips moving.
Brokenly now, such an odd, deep, trembling sound, comes
Mr. Bickers' voice. Brokenly—jumbling his own
words with words familiar. It is the prayer he had
said was their daily prayer, and he jumbles it with
other prayers and into it jumbles his own.
"Lord, now lettest—" Mr. Bickers stops; and
there is long silence; and he begins again: "Lord, if
it be thy will, if it be thy will, if it be thy will, if our
Essie's suffering, if it be thy will, Lord, now lettest this
thy servant, thy servant, depart in peace, in peace, in
peace, according to ... mine eyes have seen
thy ... through the tender mercies of our God whereby the
dayspring ... from on high ... hath visited us.
Amen. Amen."
Mrs. Bickers says "Amen." Mrs. Bickers collapses
where she kneels. Mr. Bickers goes to her and raises
her and says: "There, Mother! There, Mother, dear!
Come and rest, Mother. Rest just a little while, Mother.
Arthur's here. Arthur will stay by her. Arthur will
tell us. Just a little while, Mother, dear."
She has no resistance. She is collapsed in his arms.
He supports her from the room. He says to Mr. Wriford:
"I'll just lay her on her bed, Arthur. Just across
the passage. Doors open. I'll hear you. The doctor's
down-stairs. There, Mother! There, there, Mother."
Look where she lies. He is alone with her.
Come to this Mr. Wriford on his knees with her, his
hands upon her hand, his head between his outstretched
arms. Come to his revelation she has revealed to him;
to that which came to him with sudden thought of
Captain; come to his prayer.
"This is my dear, my darling, lying here.... I
have looked back. I have looked back upon such
pitiless review of all my blindness, that to look forward,
to live and not destroy myself, is almost heavier than
I can bear.... I will bear it.... I see. I
understand. I accept. Self has been the cause of all my
wreckage—thought of myself, always of myself and
of no other. I see that now—clearly, bitterly, I see
it. And yet—and yet, O God—in the very moment
of seeing it, I still thought to kill myself. That was
self again. I am so rooted in self that, in the very hour
of my revelation, still only of myself I thought—only
of saving myself by death from these my torments,
only of ending them because I could not bear to let
myself endure them. All my life I have lived in self.
Ah, with my eyes open—deeper shame! deeper shame!—I
almost had died in self. Ah, even realising that,
still I cannot tear self out of me, still I kneel here
dreading to live, fearing to live, crying that it is heavier than
I can bear, heavier than I can bear! Oh, what a thing
is self that with such cunning can prevail, how deeply
hidden, in what myriad forms disguised! Help me to
see it. Keep my eyes open. Keep my eyes open....
"Well, I accept then. I will not kill myself....
Lord, since I have accepted, use this my dear, my
darling, no longer for me.... This is my dear, my
darling, lying here beneath thy hand. She has offered her
life for mine. Let it suffice, O God. Judge me apart
from her. Judge me apart from her. Judge me apart
from my darling. One life came to me to open my eyes.
I remained blind. He gave the deeper sacrifice—blind
in my blindness I remained. Then Essie. Thy
servant. My jolly little Essie. If I had killed myself,
if by destroying myself I had mocked her sacrifice,
mocked Thee, O God, then mightest Thou by closing
Thy hand upon her have pursued me even into hell.
But I accept—but I accept, O God. Therefore
relieve her—therefore relieve her—therefore let suffice
that which she has done....
"Am I daring to bargain? Am I stipulating,
making terms, advancing a price? Remember, remember
that I am new before Thee, long out of prayer, long
unaccustomed to Thy ways. It is no bargain, O God.
It is only confusion of these my thoughts. All that I
ask is this—judge me apart from her, use her no longer
for me, judge me no more through her, let that which
she has done suffice. Look, I will go away from her
and leave her. Whether, beneath Thy wisdom, she
lives or dies shall nothing prevail with me. If she may
live it shall not strengthen me—no bargain there, O
God. If she must die it shall not shake me—O God,
no bargain there. Judge me apart from her. I will
go out of her life. I will go out from every knowledge
of Thy will towards her. I will not even pray for her.
I will not even pray for her lest in my heart, beneath
my words, beneath my thoughts, it is in cunning that
actually I am here—agreeable to forego destruction
of myself if I may know that she is spared; resolved
to kill myself if I be guilty of her death. Enough—enough.
Let me end with that while I have clearness
of vision to see it. This is my dear, my darling, lying
here. I will go out from all knowledge of her. Judge
me apart from her. Let that which she has done suffice."
He withdrew his hands from her hand as though in
evidence of detaching himself from her. He thrust
them out again to touch her and cried "Essie! Essie!" He
then took them to his face.
He said: "Let me speak as a man. I will go out
from her. I will live. Let me speak as a man. Let me
not make vain promises, offer false protests. This is
not religion. Religion, as it is lived, is nothing to me.
Let me not delude myself nor seek in cunning to delude
Thee. Let me not try to pretend that this that I have
suffered converts me suddenly from that which I was
to that which Essie is. Let me speak as a man. That
is not of a moment. I am not one man in one moment,
a new man in the next. I am the same. All my
infirmities the same—rooted in me as my bones: bones of
my spirit and no more changed than bones of my body
that are rooted in my flesh. I am the same. Ay, even
as I say it, I am tempted to say that I am not the same
but am changed. Rescue me from that cunning. Keep
me from that. Let me not even in cunning pretend,
in self-delusion believe, that this hour, these thoughts,
these torments I have endured will all my life remain
with me. I have known penitence before. I have
knelt in presence of death before. I have wept. I have
vowed. Where are my tears? Where my promises?
Let me speak as a man. Time swings on. That which
is all the world to-day is less than dust to-morrow,
That which is laid, beneath death's shadow, in penitence
before Thy feet, is there in ashes, when death has
winged away, to mock Thy mercy. Time swings on.
Vows made in penitence—they are no more than to
the drunkard his drink: delusion, forgetfulness,
anodyne, courage until the spirit that has tricked the
brain has gone, until the travail that has worn the soul
has ebbed. Back then to fear, to baseness, as surely
as night succeeds to day....
"What then? What do I purpose? What have I
to offer? Lord, there is only this in me that is different:
that my eyes are opened to that to which all my life
they have been sealed. I have nothing to promise,
nothing to vow. I have only to ask: Keep my eyes
open; help me to remember this that my eyes have
seen; help me to know what is self; help me to rid me
of it. All my life—all my life from the beginning it
has been self. Back in the London days when I was
working day and night, when I was longing to be free,
when I thought I was giving up my life to others, it
was all self, self that was destroying me. It was not
ceaseless work that wrought upon my peace of mind,
robbed me of my youth; it was pitying myself, thinking
of myself, contrasting my lot with that of others. It
is not work nor trouble that kills a man, robs him of
sleep, loses him his happiness—it is turning the stress
of it inwards upon himself, never forgetting himself
when occupied with it, always keeping himself before
his eyes, watching himself, pitying himself. Brida
knew it. 'You think too much about yourself, Phil,'
she used to tell me. That old Puddlebox had the secret
of it and told it me plainly. 'You think too much
about yourself, boy, and that is what's the matter with
you and with most of us.' He told it to me plainly.
'I don't believe a word of it,' he told me when he had
heard my story. 'Your story is the same as my story
and the same as everybody else's story in this way:
that you've never done any thing wrong in all your life,
and that all that's happened to you is what other folk
have put upon you.' Ay, that was it! I thought I
was sacrificing my life; I was grudging every thought
of it, every moment of it given away from my own
pursuits. How could I be sacrificing when in doing so I
was unhappy? That is negation in terms. To sacrifice
is happiness. Old Puddlebox showed it me. This my
Essie showed it me. To give—to give time, money,
life itself, and have compassion for oneself in giving
them, that is the very pit of self, worse than self open
and wilful. That is the selfishness that all my life has
been my curse, my wreckage. All that ever has happened
to me I have seen in terms of myself and of no
other. Every trouble, every irritation that in those
London days those poor things about me brought to
me, I at once turned upon myself—looked at with
my eyes, not with theirs; thought instantly and always,
even while I helped them, how it affected me, not how
it affected them. Ah, that is the heart of misery and
that is the secret of happiness! To see only with one's
own eyes, to judge only from one's own point, to
estimate life in terms of self and of no other: that is to
goad oneself on from trial to trial, from misery to
misery. To see with others' eyes, to judge from their
outlook upon life, to estimate life in terms of those upon
whom life presses and not in terms of self: that is the
secret of happiness, that is the thing in life that I have
missed....
"Try me not, O God, in great things. Help me in
small. In the small things, in the small, the everyday
things, O God, that is where self comes—that is where
I shall not see it, that is where, disguised, it will deceive
me. To quarrel, to complain, to be impatient—what
is it but self? Help me to put myself where each one
stands that comes about me. Help me to look with
their eyes—how have vexation then? There is no
vexation, there is no unhappiness in all this world but
what through self a man brings into it. All happiness,
this world—in every hour happiness, in every remotest
corner happiness. But man lives not in it but in his
own world—the world that he himself creates; of which
he is the centre; that, however little he be, revolves
about him. That is whence is his unhappiness. Others
come into his world. Ah, if he can but watch them in
it with their own eyes, not with his! God! what a
world this world would be if under Thy hand it were
governed as man governs the world which he himself
creates—as I have governed mine! Tolerance for
none but self, pity for none but self, all within it judged,
measured, watched in terms of self! Rid me of that!
Rid me of self. Help me to see self. Help me to see
with others' eyes, not with my own...."
So ends his prayer—so ends his vigil. Mr. Bickers
returns, and it is towards daybreak. He looks once
more at her, smiling, smiling there. He will not even
pray for her. Let that which she has done suffice. Let
him be judged apart from her—not strengthened if
she may live, not shaken if she must die. He goes down
the stairs; out into young morning spreading across
the sea.
Not to know—in no way to be prevailed upon in
this his return to life by knowledge of whether she lives
or has died. In no way to be strengthened—but of
himself to live—if life has been permitted her; in no
way to be shaken if her life has been required. To be
judged apart from her....
Come with this Mr. Wriford while for a year he thus
places in proof his acceptance. He takes up his life
where on his flight from London he had left it. To do
that—not to admit his every impulse which calls upon
him to hide, to live in seclusion, and there dwell with
his memories, cherish his affliction—is part of his bond
pledged by her bedside. The secret of happiness has
been purchased for him; let him not mock that which
has been paid. He has the secret; let him exercise it.
Abandonment to grief—what is that but pity of self?
Life in retreat, unable to face the world—what is that
but admission that his fate, that which affects himself,
is harder than he can bear?
Bound up in this, he takes train immediately from
Whitecliffe to London, presently is involved in all the
tortures that his welcoming inflicts upon him. His
return is made a sensation of the hour by his friends and
soon, as he finds, by that larger circle to whom his books
have made him known. "Where have you been?" It
is a question to which he seems to have to spend
every hour of all his days in formulating some kind of
answer. It is a question—and all the congratulation
and felicitation that goes with it—that often he tells
himself he can no longer stand and must escape.
"Where have you been?" and all the while it is at
Whitecliffe—in that room, among those scenes—that
his heart is, and that he desires only to be left alone
to keep there. But he does not escape. But he does
not keep himself alone. It is self that bids him. It is
self he has come out to know and face. He forces himself
to see with the eyes of those that do them the
kindnesses that are done him. He makes himself respond.
He permits himself no shrinking.
He revisits Mr. and Mrs. Filmer. They have "got
along very well without him," they tell him.
"I am bound to say," says Mrs. Filmer, "that at
the time we thought your conduct showed very little
consideration for us. I am bound to say that."
"A mere postcard," says Mr. Filmer, "can relieve
much suspense; but one does not of course always think
of duties to others, h'm, ha."
"Well, that's just what I am here to think of,"
Mr. Wriford responds. "Is there anything I can do?
Anything you want?"
There is nothing, as it appears, except a manifestation
of fear that he proposes to upset the establishment
by quartering himself upon them, relief from which
expands them somewhat, and they proceed with the
news that two of the boys, his nephews, are on their
way home on leave.
The boys come, and in their affairs and in their
interests he finds better response to the "Anything I can
do?" than was received from the Filmers. Till their
arrival he has had, in seclusion of his rooms, intervals
when he can retreat within his thoughts. There is a
holiday home to be made for them, and he takes a flat
and occupies himself with them, and these intervals
are denied him. The young men are here to have a
good time. There are their eyes for him to see with—not
his own. He has a trick, they both notice it, of
saying: "Well, tell me just how you look at the
business." It is a trick that is expressed also in his manner,
in a certain inviting, sympathetic way that he has, and
it comes to be noticed in the much wider circle of his
friends. "Used to be a fearfully reserved chap,
Wriford," they say. "Never quite knew whether he was
shy or thought himself too good for you. Do you
notice how different he is now?"
"Do you ever notice him when he's alone, though—sitting
in the club here and not knowing you're looking
at him?" another would reply. "There's a look on
his face then—he's been through it, Wriford, I'll bet
money."
Ah, he has been through it and daily feels the mark
of it. Time swings on. He settles down. The
sensation of his return evaporates. His nephews go back
to their duties. He settles down. This is his post—here
in the hurly-burly. He will not desert it. He
takes up his work again. Long days he sits staring at
the blank sheets of paper before him. His thoughts are
ready. There obtrudes between them and the marshalling
of them memories of how it had been planned he
again was to resume them: "Won't I keep you quiet
just, dear!" ... That is self, pity for himself, grieving
for himself. Let him put it away. Let him get to
work. Let it return—ah, let her face, her voice, her
jolly laughter return to him just for an hour when work
is done, just while he lies awake....
Come to this Mr. Wriford when a year is gone.
Summer again—June again—the holidays again—again
that day. He has lived through a year of it. Through
a long year he has proved himself. If he might know
certainly that she is dead, he could not fall back again.
That is what he has feared at the outset. He does not
fear it now. He has lived through a year of it. He is
assured of himself now. If he might but make a
pilgrimage to Whitecliffe, see where he had walked with
her, see where perhaps she lies, permit his spirit to walk
those roads, those paths, those fields with her again,
suffer it to stand beside her...!
He goes. He goes first, on a sudden fancy, to far
Port Rannock and stands beside the mound that marks
the grave he knows there.
"Well, you old Puddlebox," says Mr. Wriford,
standing there. "Well, you old Puddlebox. How goes it?
How goes it now? Well enough with you, old Puddlebox!
You knew the secret. I know it now. Too late
for me, old Puddlebox. But, if you know, you'll be
shouting your praises on it, eh, old Puddlebox? What
was it you said as the sea came on to us? 'Well, we've
had some rare times together, boy, since first you came
down the road.'"
He suddenly cried: "I would to God—I would to
God you might shake off this earth, these stones, and
come to me face to face for one moment while I clasped
your hand!"
So on to Whitecliffe. So to his pilgrimage there.
Just such another day awaits him as on that day a year
ago. Sunshine and clouded sun, as he walks the parade.
Presage of rain, as on through Yexley Green to Whitehouse
he goes. Whitehouse still stands empty; he walks
the garden, looks through the windows, tries the door,
treads again the rooms where last he had walked with
her. "Jolly little Essie's room" this was to have been....
This was where he would write.... This was
where wouldn't she keep him quiet just! ... She sat
there while he told her...
Up the path to the cliff, along the cliff and past that
place, paused long upon it, and on to Whitecliffe Church.
Here is the churchyard. He knows all these old
graves—he had peered here and here and here with Essie,
puzzling their quaint inscriptions. It is for a new
stone he looks. Yes, there is one. Three sides of the
church he walks and only the old stones sees. Come
to the porch, a new white cross confronts him. He
goes to it. It is not hers! Sense tells him they would
not have brought her here, would not have left her here.
They would have taken her home. Yes, but that moment
while he crossed the turf towards the cross, that
moment while its letters came in view—and were not
"Essie,"—has shaken him so that his limbs tremble, so
that he must somewhere rest ... there is the porch.
A troop of noisy boys come through the gate, and
then more boys by ones and twos. An old man who
comes from within the church and looks out upon the
churchyard for a moment remarks to him first that there
is going to be a shower, then, calling out in reproof at
a pair of the laughing boys, that it is choir-practice
just going to begin. The old man returns to his duties;
the last of the boys seem to have arrived: there are
sounds within the church and premonitory notes of the
organ; some heavy drops of the rain that has been
threatening; then in a sudden stream the shower.
From where he sits he can see far up the road beyond
the gate. He sees a group that had been approaching
shelter beneath a distant tree. The downpour falls in a
deluge that is fierce and short, passes and leaves the
path in puddles, and with unnoting eyes he sees the
group beneath the tree desert its shelter and come
hurrying towards the church. The organ is playing now,
voices swing in sudden volume of sound; unheeding, as
with his eyes he is watching without seeing, he yet is
subconsciously aware of the regular rise and fall of psalms.
With his eyes unseeing! They suddenly, as he watches,
declare to him that which sets a drumming in his head,
a snatching at his breath. The group has reached the
gate. It is an old man drawing a wicker bath-chair,
an old lady walking behind it. Drumming in his head;
it passes; there succeeds to it a rocking of all the ground
about his feet, a swimming, a receding, a swift approaching
of all the land beyond the porch. That old man
is opening the gate, turning his back to draw the bath-chair
carefully through, revealing one that sits within
it, coming on now ... coming on now ... closer and
closer and closer...
This Mr. Wriford simply stands there. He doesn't
do anything, and he doesn't say anything. He can't.
You see, he has been through a good deal for a good
long time. This is the end of a long passage for him.
You know how weak he is. You probably despise him.
Well, then, despise him now. He has no parts, no qualities,
for this. He makes a bungling business of it. He
has come to the doorway of the porch and simply stands
there. They have seen him. They are staring at him.
They are saying things. They are exclaiming. He
doesn't hear. He just stands there....
Then he begins. He jolts down off the step of the
porch. He stumbles along the few paces to the bath-chair.
She that is seated there gives a kind of laugh
and a kind of cry. He falls on his knees, kneeling in
puddles, and puts his arms out, and takes her in them,
and catches her to him, and buries his face against her,
and holds her, holds her—and has nothing at all that
he can say, not even her name.
Well, nor has she. She just has her arms about him....
When at last she speaks, Mr. and Mrs. Bickers
have gone—into the church, or into the air, or into
the ground—gone somewhere for some reason. And
even then it is not at first speech but some odd little
sound that she makes, and at that he looks up and she
stoops to him—and there they are, her cheek against
his cheek.
"My back's a fair old caution," says Essie then.
"They don't think I'll ever walk again."
He stammers something about "I'll carry you,
dear. I'll carry you."
Each in the other's arms, her cheek against his cheek.
"Just going to Whitehouse, we were," says Essie.
"My goodness, if it hadn't rained and made us come
for shelter!"
He says something about: "It's empty—it's still
empty for us—Whitehouse."
Some one opens the church door. Young voices and
music that have been muffled come streaming through
towards them—
Who shall ascend into the hill of the Lord: or who shall
rise up in his holy place?
Even he that hath clean hands and a pure heart: and
that hath not lift up his mind unto vanity, nor sworn to
deceive his neighbour.
A sound escapes him. He feels a sudden moisture
from her face to his. The singing goes deeper; then
with triumphant surge and sweep breaks out again:
"Lift up your heads, O ye gates, and be ye lift up, ye
everlasting doors...."
"What, are you crying too?" says Essie. "Aren't
we a pair of us, though?"
THE END
By the author of "The Clean Heart"
THE HAPPY WARRIOR
By A. S. M. HUTCHINSON
Author of "The Clean Heart" and "Once aboard
the Lugger——"
Frontispiece $1.35 net.
The plot of "The Happy Warrior" is unusual, its love
interest is sweet and pure, and there is a fight of which it is
truthfully said that there is nothing more virile and tense in
literature.
Shows the touch of the master hand ... Mr. Hutchinson is
nothing if not original. His own strong individuality is apparent
in his method and in his style.—New York Times.
Mr. Hutchinson has a newer and a better grasp of style, which
manifests itself in clear, forcible English, and a really fine
intermixture of humor and pathos. We have here a sweet and pure
love story.—St. Louis Globe-Democrat.
"The Happy Warrior" is a remarkable publication ... Mr. Hutchinson
establishes himself as a master of characterization,
keen observer with a fine sense of the dramatic, and as fine a
prose poet as we have had since Meredith.—Chicago Post.
A brilliant piece of work.... Its author takes his place at
once among living novelists whose work is something more
than a successful commercial product. "The Happy Warrior"
establishes Mr. Hutchinson among the artists.—London Daily
Telegraph.
... His romance and his humor are all his own, and the
story is shot through and through with a fleeting romance and
humor that is all the more effective because it is so evanescent.
Few novels exist in which the characters are as viable as
Mr. Hutchinson's.—Boston Transcript.
By the author of "The Clean Heart."
ONCE ABOARD THE LUGGER——
By A. S. M. HUTCHINSON
Author of "The Clean Heart" and "The Happy Warrior."
327 pages. $1.30 net.
This is the novel that gave Mr. Hutchinson a conspicuous
place among the younger English authors who have so recently
achieved literary distinction. It is not a sea story, as its title
would appear to indicate, but a delightful comedy of English
life, containing the most romantic of love stories, written with
such rare humor that it stands apart from the great mass of
present-day fiction. It is a novel to read and reread, for through
all the laughter and quaintness shines the reality of life.
At once serious in its mockery of seriousness and touched
with genuine sentiment in its sympathy with the emotions of
youth ... Altogether it is refreshing.—Everybody's Magazine.
A light, humorous and clever romance.... Mr. Hutchinson's
name is new to American readers but he is a writer of parts.
To the right readers it will be warmly welcomed.—Springfield
Republican.
As real and dainty as anything which has been written for
years. It is a book to please every sort of reader, for it is full
of wit and wisdom. The best praise that one can write of it,
however, is that after reading it you will want to own it, for a
desire to reread parts of it is sure to come.—San Francisco Call.
It is written in the highest of high spirits, in a vein of
persistent humor, and it moves along with an alertness and vivacity
that is a perpetual joy to the reader. A new humorist as well
as a new novelist has arisen in Mr. Hutchinson. He never fails
to be entertaining. It is vitally and significantly
human.—Boston Transcript.
LITTLE, BROWN & CO., PUBLISHERS
34 BEACON STREET, BOSTON