Dear Patty,
When I had put things straight
after I got home last night, and could sit down quietly and think
over our strange conversation, my heart sank within me. I
was so hurried for fear of being late for the coach, while we
were talking, and so grieved and surprised by what you told me,
that I could not, there and then, go much beyond the sad news
itself. Dear heart! what sorrow and shame in a decent
family! And so nice a girl too, as your cousin
seemed. Her father will scarce ever lift up his head after
it, to say nothing of a poor child brought into the world with a
stain on its birth, and without a right to a father’s care;
both mother and child a reproach to each other.
But after all, it is not so much that, as what you said along
of it that has gone so sorely against my heart. Why, my
dear child, where have you heard such things? Whoever it is
that has put them into your head has some bad design upon you,
you may be quite sure. If it be a man, be he who he will,
he means you harm. Man or woman, they are no decent
body’s thoughts, at any rate. Only following nature,
indeed! You did not think that was an excuse when the
servant girl took your ribbon, for all it was nature enough in her
to like a bit of finery. What! and are we to liken
ourselves to the beasts that perish? I don’t know
whether it is most wicked or most foolish to make a pretence that
their ways can ever be a guide to us. It is setting the ass
to drive the man, for sure, if we are to learn from them.
Has not God made man quite different from the brutes? Has
not He made him in His own image, and given him laws to keep, and
reason and conscience to guide him in keeping them? The
commonest things of every day shew us on what a different footing
we reckon ourselves. We do not punish the animal that
breaks through our fence and eats our hay-grass, for it has had
no laws given to it, and has no knowledge of right or wrong; but
we deal very differently with the man who watches his
opportunity, and takes the meal out of our bin.
And as to pretending that there can be no great harm in a sin
because it is common, no honest mind can be deceived by so plain
a falsity. Heaven knows thieving is common enough, cheating
and lying are common enough, drunkenness, swearing and
housebreaking are common enough; but no one goes so far us to
pretend that these are not wrong on that account. Why,
child, there would not need to be all this hiding, and shame, and
even child-murder, if every one did not know quite well in their
own hearts that the thing was a sore evil, sin and
disgrace. Never lend an ear on the devil’s side,
above all on this subject. It does not do for any woman to
dally and balance between right and wrong on such slippery
ground. If she does, she is sure to lose her footing.
The only safety is in the straight open road of right. Keep
to it, and never play and trifle with the first leadings to evil
ways. No one can forecast what misery one heedless step in
these slippery bye-paths may bring after it. What do you,
or what does any decent young girl know about the hidden dangers, and
pit-falls, and the vice, and the wretchedness that make old
hearts sorrowful to think of?
The subject is a painful one; but it is much too serious and
weighty to slur over because it is awkward to speak upon
it. Such truths as these should be solemnly laid before the
young, for they need to hear them above others; and since in this
your father cannot so well talk quite plainly to you, it is for
your aunt, who loves you as a mother, to take a mother’s
place. Mark what I say—there is a deal of difference
between man and woman in this matter. Though they sin
together, the woman sinks by far the lowest. How God will
judge hereafter between the two, I am not now going to ask; but
in this world the shame and loss come much heavier upon the
woman. Modesty is, above all else, a woman’s virtue,
and the loss of it is a terrible blot, which lays her open to the
contempt of all, even of the very man who robs her of it. I
have heard tell that it was said by a very knowing man, who wrote
a great many wise things long ago, “When a woman gives
herself up to a man, and goes the whole length with him, it binds
her closer to him, but it cures the man.” This was
said by a French writer more than a hundred years ago, and that
only shows the more plainly that it is a truth of all times, and
all countries. And look if it is not so. Do not we
see in a hundred cases, up and down, that the man leaves the
woman in her disgrace, and cares no more about her?
Patty, my lass, hear a plain word from your old aunt. If
a woman is the first to come forward, or is over ready to follow
on the first beckoning, a man knows pretty well that he need not
put himself out of the way to marry her in order to have her; and
if he is unprincipled or thoughtless, he will take advantage of her
weakness, and sin and shame will follow, as sure as night follows
evening. My child, take a good counsel from one that loves
you. If any man, let him be who he will, follows after you,
and you care for him ever so much, aye, and trust him for meaning
to make you his wife ever so surely, keep him in his right place,
and do not let him go one step beyond what is decent. He
will respect you the more, and his love will be the deeper and
the truer in the end. Mind this—if you show yourself
willing to go half way with him, he will never be the one to stop
you. It rests with you to take care of yourself, and to
help him too, to keep in the right road, so that you may both
stand before God and man on your wedding-day, honest, and free
from blame and shame.
But Patty, my dear, all this has not been much more than
worldly wisdom, but we are bound to look beyond that, and to
consider the solemn command of Almighty God to keep ourselves
modest and pure in His sight as the servants of Christ.
Some would say I had begun at the wrong end in speaking first of
earthly shame and earthly credit; but I think that, may-be, young
folks listen readiest when we do not begin too seriously with
them. But, dear child, I could not with a good conscience
end, without laying before you, with my heart’s prayer for
God’s help, what His holy Word says about this grave sin of
fornication and uncleanness.
In these days we seem to think we can make it lighter by
giving it an easier name—speaking of the fornicator as
“wild” or “gay,” and miscalling a
woman’s shame “misfortune.” But let us
hear what God’s word says. “Marriage is
honourable in all.” “But fornication and all
uncleanness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh
saints.” “What! know ye not that your body is
the temple of the Holy Ghost?”
The
marriage law was given to man in the very beginning by God
himself, who ordained it to be a sacred state, in which two
should be as one flesh. Our blessed Saviour speaks of the
wedded pair as “those whom God hath joined
together.” What shall we say then of such as despise
God’s ordinance, and set at defiance the restraint He has
laid upon them, as though that was not needful which He has
commanded? They who, in despite of His word, are as one
flesh together without the holy bond of marriage, are wilful
sinners against God, insulting His will, and defying the law
which He has given and confirmed in Jesus Christ. And let
none cheat themselves into thinking that if they manage to keep
the sin secret, and to be free from the burden and shame of the
birth of a child, there is any the less real harm in it. It
is the foul blot of the unclean deed upon the soul, the stain
before God, that is the evil to be dreaded most. That stain
is the same whether it is kept hidden from the world or not, just
as the lie is a sin on the soul, all the same, though it should
never be found out.
Oh my dear child! when I think of the depths to which a woman
may sink, a depth of infamy I do not dare to put before you in
all its terrible plainness, I tremble to think of any young girl
listening to the man or woman who would lead her to look upon
this sin lightly. Turn your mind from the very thought of
it. Shut your ears against it. Let it not once be
named. Pray to God in your daily prayer, to hold you back
from that temptation, to deliver you from that evil, to keep you
by His Holy Spirit from impure desires and from occasion of
falling; and ask Him for the purity of heart which will make you
pure in living.
I cannot write more. My heart is too full of
trouble. May God have you in his safe keeping. Your
affectionate aunt,
MARGARET ROTHWAITE.
“That is my aunt Margaret’s letter,”
said worthy Mrs. Ellerbeck, as she folded up a large
old-fashioned letter sheet, and wrapped it in a handkerchief, and
laid it back in the drawer. “That is my good
aunt’s letter, and I have blessed her for it all these
forty years back.”
“How I wish,” answered I, “that many a one
had just such another friend, to stand between her and
ruin. It is always a grief to me that young girls who must
needs work for their living are so often thrown into dangerous
situations, as in factories, or town apprenticeships, or in
country farm service; or, indeed, anywhere, if no one will hold
out a hand to keep them back from harm.”
“There is scarce any young girl, in our line of
life,” said Mrs. Ellerbeck, “either at home or in
service, but what a plain word would come well to; for even at
the best of homes there are always ways enough to go wrong; and
what between some of their elders being too careless, and some
too shame-faced, young folks don’t hear these truths as
much as they need to do. Many a one first gets the
knowledge, sadly enough, at her own cost, when it is too
late.”
“It is indeed a cruel thing,” said I, “not
to warn and guard the young against a peril like this that besets
them everywhere. But if any one might have been safely left
to herself, I should have thought it would have been you Mrs.
Ellerbeck.”
“Nay,” answered my worthy friend, “I needed
the warning as ill as any one just then; for I had got to hear
some very free opinions from an unprincipled young fellow, who
had some law work at our house about a land lease, and who was
uncommon clever at putting a bad notion into fair words.
There are those who can shift a meaning to any side, and turn
even a scripture text backwards way; and they will talk you down, and
tell you this is not this, and that follows the other, till they
well nigh drive a simple body to think none before them had ever
seen their way to take a pair of tongs by the right end: and how
was it likely a young lass would see through that sort of craft,
and least of all if she was blindfolded by being a good bit
noticed and flattered?”
“But how was it,” asked I, “that your
excellent father did not at once put a stop to such
talk?”
“You may be sure,” said Mrs. Ellerbeck, “it
was never carried on in his hearing, but only at bye moments,
waiting for him, and the like. And it was this very hiding
and scheming that helped me to give more heed to my aunt’s
warning; for, thought I, if all this is really so true and right,
why not speak it out openly? and why should I hang back myself
from letting my father hear it? Ah! if people would but
believe there is certain mischief in what is in the dark and
underhand! It’s always Faulty that needs to
skulk.”
“Nothing can be more certain,” said I, “and
now may I ask, was this letter of your aunt’s, the good
angel, as we may say, that warded off the evil?”
“It was like having a candle brought into a dark
room,” answered Mrs. Ellerbeck. “But, after
all, holding up the light to people is only half the battle; for
many a one will rather shut their eyes than look an unwelcome
truth in the face, and none are so blind as those that
won’t see. I say it with sorrow, Not the best any one
can say or do, can turn others from wrong to right, unless they
have some care themselves for good above bad, and something of a
mind to serve their Maker: and I thank God’s grace I had
that much; and my aunt’s letter worked upon it. It
was, may-be, a bit of a struggle at first to do it; but I called
my father in, and then the young fellow drew off quickly
enough. If a man means well by a woman he can bear a
father’s eye, and never flinch; but above-board is no card
for the deceiver. Aye, aye! I have reason to bless my good
aunt’s memory. And,” continued Mrs. Ellerbeck,
as a tear rose to her eye, “when I look now with a sort of
grateful pride upon my own good man, and think in all the years
we waited before we married, how true we were to our Bible laws,
and blameless between ourselves before God and man, and what
trust and honour we have had for one another in every change in
life to our grey old age, and how we can each of us warn son and
daughter against loose doings with a good face, my heart stirs
with a longing that I could draw over others to hold fast to
honour and modest ways, and to keep off from what will bring them
trouble and repentance, and stand in their light all their life
long.”
“Well then, Mrs. Ellerbeck,” said I, “if
that is your mind, will you let me put this letter of your
aunt’s into print, and what you have said along with it
too?”
“Aye that I will,” answered she, “and may
God’s blessing go with it!”
And now, Good Friends, men or women, all you who have at heart
the good of others, and the welfare of your country, all who can
estimate the worth of honour in man and purity in woman, join us
in the attempt to arrest this growing evil of licentiousness
which, above every other form of vice, poisons the springs of our
domestic and social well-being, by degrading woman’s
character, and making her who should be man’s heavenward
help and purest earthly stay, his fellow in grossness and even
his decoy to vice. It is impossible to exaggerate an evil
which so debases our most sacred relationships, disordering
family ties, lowering the dignity of marriage, casting shame upon
the holy name of mother, and, so to say, plucking the rose from
the forehead of pure love and stamping it with the brand of
lust.
Parents—but mothers especially—we call upon
you to help in the good work. Surely you of all others have
most interest in it, as it must in nature be your dearest wish to
see your sons true, and your daughters virtuous. Yet this
cannot be unless you will yourselves sow the early seeds.
The school and the church do not form the character. The
pastor and teacher will urge self-restraint in vain if the home
manners and example are slack in recommending it. Consider
the lasting effect of early impressions throughout life, and how
surely you may make them work for good in this respect, if you
will check your boys betimes in coarse speech and action, and
speak to them more plainly of the sin of unchastity, and of the
baseness and crime of seduction, and train them, as they grow
older, to understand the sanctity of true love, and to value and
respect modesty in woman.
And especially we would urge you to watch over your girls from
their childish years upwards, and in all possible ways to foster
their natural modesty. Accustom them to hear more commonly
at the home fireside, from parents’ lips, how excellent a
thing is true womanly worth in daughter, sister, and wife, and
how grievous the loss of it; how contrary to true feminine
dignity are forward manners, flashy dress, and every other bait
for men’s free notice. And we would earnestly press
upon you to use your rightful authority more firmly in forbidding
those sure leadings to mischief, late hours, bad company, and
wild merry makings, such as the public-house dance, the theatre,
or loose revels of whatsoever kind, in town or country.
What but evil can come of that fatal habit of indulgence which,
rather than cross a thoughtless wish, will let youth run headlong
into temptations which it has not even the sense to fear, and has
hardly the chance of overcoming.
And you, Young Women, who have above all others the most
direct power in your own hands, give us the best of all
help—that of your own pure example. The men are what
the women make them. If you will be modest, and true to
yourselves, they will shape their ways accordingly; if you, by
your true worth, will claim respect and honour from them, they
will undoubtedly yield the just tribute to you. If you will
resolve to follow the gospel law, and serve your God in the
purity He enjoins, admitting no love dealings but what have the
warrant of heaven, you will help them to do likewise.
Whereas, if by your own forwardness you invite them to loose
advances, you become in fact their tempters, and the workers of
your own degradation.
Waken up to your responsibilities—you, the daughters,
wives, and mothers of our cottage homes. You have more of
your country’s honour and welfare depending upon you than
you are aware of; for home influences are wholly in women’s
hands, and each home puts forth its growth for good or evil, each
is a small seed-plot of virtue or vice, which is, we may say
truly, given in charge to the woman, “to dress it and to
keep it.” It is not only the children of a family
that are moulded by the woman’s hands; she gives the
tone and character to all the household. Where the mother
is looked up to with reverence and love, and the elder sister
leads onwards in good ways, there will be an influence for good
over all; nor will it be confined to the single home; it will
have its effect on a neighbourhood. And alas! for the
opposite case! Who can say how far the evil influences of
one disorderly family may reach, or of one woman of reprobate
habits, who “forgetteth the covenant of her God.”
We are all Christians in name; but are we not sometimes more
zealous for the form of our faith than for its fruits? Many
who contend warmly over some of the more doubtful points of
doctrine, are less careful than they should be to lay to heart
the plainer truths and the weightier matters of the law.
There are those who call themselves Bible christians, and talk
readily of Gospel truth. What says the Gospel?
“Flee fornication.” “Be not deceived;
neither fornicators, nor adulterers shall inherit the kingdom of
God.” What are our Saviour’s words?
“Adulteries, fornications, &c., these are the things
which defile a man.” These are Gospel truths.
This is the Gospel law. How can we justify ourselves if we
neglect to give it good heed in our own hearts, or if we withhold
its warning from those whose souls are given to us in charge?
BY THE SAME
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KIND WORDS TO THE YOUNG WOMEN OF
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WALES AND SCOTLAND.
A MOTHER’S CARE FOR HER
DAUGHTER’S SAFETY.
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