| Sancta ad vos anima atque istius inscia culpae |
| descendam, magnorum haud umquam indignus avorum. |
| VIRGIL. |
| For Fancy cannot live on real food: |
| In youth she will despise familiar joy |
| To dwell in mournful shades, as they grow real, |
| Then buildeth she of joy her fair ideal. |
| ROBERT BRIDGES. |
When Michael reached the Oxford Music-hall he wondered why he had
overspurred his fatigue to such a point. There was no possibility of
pleasure here, and he would have done better to stay at home and cure
with sleep what was after all a natural depression. It had been foolish
to expect a sedative from contact with this unquiet assemblage. In the
mass they had nothing but a mechanical existence, subject as they were
to the brightness or dimness of the electrolier that regulated their
attention. Michael did not bother to buy a program. From every podgy
hand he could see dangling the lithograph of St. Mary’s tower with its
glazed moonlight; and he was not sufficiently aware of the glib atom who
bounced about the golden dazzle of the stage to trouble about his name.
He mingled with the slow pace of the men and women on the promenade.
They were going backward and forward like flies, meeting for a moment in
a quick buzz of colloquy and continuing after a momentary pause their
impersonal and recurrent progress. Michael was absorbed in this
ceaseless ebb and flow of motion where the sidelong glances of the
women, as they brushed his elbow in the passing crowd, gave him no
conviction of an individual gaze. Once or twice he diverted his steps
from the stream and tried to watch in a half-hearted way the
performance; but as he leaned over the plush-covered barrier a woman
would sidle up to him, and he would move away in angry embarrassment
from the questioning eyes under the big plumed hat. The noise of popping
corks and the chink of glasses, the whirr of the ventilating fans, the
stentorophonic orchestra, the red-faced raucous atom on the stage
combined to irritate him beyond further endurance; and he had just
resolved to walk seven times up and down the promenade before he went
home, when somebody cried in heartiest greeting over his shoulder,
“Hullo, Bangs!”
Michael turned and saw Drake, and so miserable had been the effect of
the music-hall that he welcomed him almost effusively, although he had
not seen him during four years and would probably like him rather less
now than he had liked him at school.
“My lord! fancy seeing you again!” Drake effused.
Michael found himself shaken warmly by the hand in support of the
enthusiastic recognition. After the less accentuated cordiality of
Oxford manners, it was strange to be standing like this with clasped
hands in the middle of this undulatory crowd.
“I say, Bangs, old man, we must have a drink on this.”
Drake led the way to the bar and called authoritatively for two whiskies
and a split Polly.
“Quite a little-bit-of-fluffy-all-right,” he whispered to Michael,
seeming to calculate with geometrical eyes the arcs and semicircles of
the barmaid’s form. She with her nose in the air poured out the liquid,
and Michael wondered how any of it went into the glass. As a matter of
fact, most of it splashed onto the bar, whence Drake presently took his
change all bedewed with alcohol, and, lifting his glass, wished Michael
a jolly good chin-chin.
“’D luck,” Michael muttered in response.
“My lord!” Drake began again. “Fancy meeting you of all people. And
not a bit different. I said to myself: ‘I’m jiggered if that isn’t old
Bangs,’ and—well, my lord! but I was surprised. Do you often come out
on the randan?”
“Not very often,” Michael admitted. “I just happened to be alone
to-night.”
“Good for you, old sport. What have you been doing since you left
school?”
“I’m just down from Oxford,” Michael informed him.
“Pretty good spree up there, eh?”
“Oh, yes, rather,” said Michael.
“Well, I had the chance to go,” said Drake. “But it wasn’t good enough.
It’s against you in the City, you know. Waste of time really, except of
course for a parson or a schoolmaster.”
“Yes, I expect it would have been rather a waste of time for you,”
Michael agreed.
“Oh, rotten! So you moved from—where was it?—Carlington Road?”
“Yes, we moved to Cheyne Walk.”
“Let’s see. That’s in Hampstead, isn’t it?”
“Well, it’s rather nearer the river,” suggested Michael. “Are you still
in Trelawny Road?”
“Yes, still in the same old hovel. My hat! Talking of Trelawny Road, it
is a small world. Who do you think I saw last week?”
“Not Lily Haden?” Michael asked, in spite of a wish not to rise so
quickly to Drake’s hook.
“You’re right. I saw the fair Lily. But where do you think I saw her?
Bangs, old boy, I tell you I’m not a fellow who’s easily surprised. But
this knocked me. Of course, you’ll understand the Hadens flitted from
Trelawny Road soon after you stopped calling. So who knows what’s
happened since? I give you three guesses where I saw her.”
“I hate riddles,” said Michael fretfully.
“At the Orient,” said Drake solemnly. “The Orient Promenade. You could
have knocked me down with a feather.”
Michael stared at Drake, scarcely realizing the full implication of what
he just announced. Then suddenly he grasped the horrible fact that
revealed to him here in a music-hall carried a double force. His one
instinct for the moment was to prevent Drake from knowing into what
depths his news had plunged him.
“Has she changed?” asked Michael, and could have kicked himself for the
question.
“Well, of course there was a good deal of powder,” said Drake. “I’m not
easily shocked, but this gave me a turn. She was with a man, but even if
she hadn’t been, I doubt if I’d have had the nerve to talk to her. I
wouldn’t have known what to say. But, of course, you know, her mother
was a bit rapid. That’s where it is. Have another drink. You’re looking
quite upset.”
Michael shook his head. He must go home.
“Aren’t you coming down West a bit?” asked Drake, in disappointment.
“The night’s still young.”
But Michael was not to be persuaded.
“Well, don’t let’s lose sight of each other now we’ve met. What’s your
club? I’ve just joined the Primrose myself. Not a bad little place. You
get a rare good one-and-sixpenny lunch. You ought to join. Or perhaps
you’re already suited?”
“I belong to the Bath,” said Michael.
“Oh, of course, if you’re suited, that’s all right. But any time you
want to join the Primrose just let me know and I’ll put you up. The sub
isn’t really very much. Guinea a year.”
Michael thanked him and escaped as quickly as he could. Outside even in
Oxford Street the air was full of summer, and the cool people sauntering
under the sapphirine sky were as welcome to his vision as if he had
waked from a fever. His head was throbbing with the heat of the
music-hall, and the freshness of night-air was delicious. He called a
hansom and told the driver to go to Blackfriars Bridge, and from there
slowly along the Embankment to Cheyne Walk. For a time he leaned back in
the cab, thinking of nothing, barely conscious of golden thoroughfares,
of figures in silhouette against the glitter, and of the London roar
rising and falling. Presently in the quiet of the shadowy cross-streets
he began to appreciate what seemed the terrible importance to himself of
Drake’s news.
“It concerns me,” he began to reiterate aloud. “It concerns me—me—me.
It’s useless to think that it doesn’t. It concerns me.”
Then a more ghastly suggestion whispered itself. How should he ever know
that he was not primarily responsible? The idea came over him with
sickening intensity; and upright now he saw in the cracked mirrors of
the cab a face blanched, a forehead clammy with sweat, and over his
shoulder like a goblin the wraith of Lily. It was horrible to see so
distorted that beautiful memory which time had etherealized out of a
reality, until of her being nothing had endured but a tenuous image of
earliest love. Now under the shock of her degradation he must be dragged
back by this goblin to face his responsibility. He must behold again
close at hand her shallow infidelity. He must assure himself of her
worthlessness, hammer into his brain that from the beginning she had
merely trifled with him. This must be established for the sake of his
conscience. Where the devil was this driver going?
“I told you down the Embankment,” Michael shouted through the trap.
“I can’t go down the Embankment before I gets there, can I, sir?” the
cabman asked reproachfully.
Michael closed the trap. He was abashed when he perceived they were
still only in Fleet Street. Why had he gone to The Oxford to-night? Why
had he spoken to Drake? Why had he not stayed at Wychford? Why had he
not returned to London with the others? Such regrets were valueless. It
was foredoomed that Lily should come into his life again. Yet there was
no reason why she should. There was no reason at all. Men could hardly
be held responsible for the fall of women, unless themselves had upon
their souls the guilt of betrayal or desertion. It was ridiculous to
argue that he must bother because at eighteen he had loved her, because
at eighteen he had thought she was worthy of being loved. No doubt the
Orient Promenade was the sequel of kissing objectionable actors in the
back gardens of West Kensington. Yet the Orient Promenade? That was a
damnable place. The Orient Promenade? He remembered her kisses. Sitting
in this cab, he was kissing her now. She had ridden for hours deep in
his arms. Not Oxford could cure this relapse into the past. Every spire
and every tower had crashed to ruins around his staid conceptions, so
that they too presently fell away. Four years of plastic calm were
unfashioned, and she was again beside him. Every passing lamp lit up her
face, her smoldering eyes, her lips, her hair. The goblin took her
place, the goblin with sidelong glances, tasting of scent, powdered,
pranked, soulless, lost. What was she doing at this moment? What
invitation glittered in her look? Michael nearly told the driver to turn
his horse. He must reach the Orient before the show was done. He must
remonstrate with her, urge her to go home, help her with money, plead
with her, drag her by force away from that procession. But the hansom
kept on its way. All down the Embankment, all along Grosvenor Road the
onrushing street-lamps flung their balls of light with monotonous
jugglery into the cab. To-night, anyhow, it was too late to find her. He
would sleep on whatever resolve he took, and in the morning perhaps the
problem would present itself in less difficult array.
Michael reached home before the others had come back from the Opera, and
suddenly he knew how tired he was. To-day had been the longest day he
could ever remember. Quickly he made up his mind to go to bed so that he
would not be drawn into the discussion of the delightful engagement of
Stella and Alan. He felt he could hardly face the irony of their
happiness when he thought of Lily. For a while he sat at the window,
staring at the water and bathing his fatigue in the balm of the generous
night. Even here in London peace was possible, here where the reflected
lamps in golden pagodas sprawled across the width of the river and where
the glutted tide lapped and sucked the piers of the bridge, nuzzled the
shelving strand and swirled in sleepy greed around the patient barges at
their moorings. A momentary breeze frilled the surface of the stream,
blurring the golden pagodas of light so that they jigged and glittered
until the motion died away. Eastward in the sky over London hung a tawny
stain that blotted out the stars.
From his window Michael grew more and more conscious of the city
stirring in a malaise of inarticulate life beneath that sinister stain.
He was aware of the stealthy soul of London transcending the false
vision of peace before his eyes. There came creeping over him the
dreadful knowledge that Lily was at this moment living beneath that
London sky, imprisoned, fettered, crushed beneath that grim suffusion,
that fulvid vile suffusion of the nocturnal sky. He began to spur his
memory for every beautiful record of her that was stamped upon it. She
was walking toward him in Kensington Gardens: not a contour of her
delicate progress had been blunted by the rasp of time. Five years ago
he had been the first to speak: now, must it be she who sometimes spoke
first? Seventeen she had told him had been her age, and they had kissed
in the dark midway between two lamps. No doubt she had been kissed
before. In that household of Trelawny Road anything else was
inconceivable. The gray streets of West Kensington in terrace upon
terrace stretched before him, and now as he recalled their barren stones
it seemed to him there was not one corner round which he might not
expect to meet her face to face. “Michael, why do you make me love you
so?” That was her voice. It was she who had asked him that question.
Never before this moment had he realized the import of her demand. Now,
when it was years too late to remedy, it came out of the past like an
accusation. He had answered it then with closer kisses. He had released
her then like a ruffled bird, secure that to-morrow and to-morrow and
to-morrow she would nestle to his arms for cherishing. And now if he
thought more of her life beneath that lurid stain he would go mad; if he
conjured to himself the vision of her now—had not Drake said she was
powdered and painted? To this had she come. And she was here in London.
Last week she had been seen. It was no nightmare. It was real, horrible
and real. He must go out again at once and find her. He must not sit
dreaming here, staring at the silly Thames, the smooth and imperturbable
Thames. He must plunge into that phantasmagoric city; he must fly from
haunt to haunt; he must drag the depths of every small hell; he must
find her to-night.
Michael rose, but on the instant of his decision his mother and Stella
drove up. Alan was no longer with them. He must have gone home to
Richmond. How normal sounded their voices from the pavement below.
Perhaps he would after all go down and greet them. They might wonder
otherwise if something had happened. Looking at himself as he passed the
mirror on his way down, he saw that he really was haggard. If he pleaded
a headache, his countenance would bear him out. In the end he shouted to
them over the balusters, and both of them wanted to come up with
remedies. He would not let them. The last thing his mood desired was the
tending of cool hands.
“I’m only fagged out,” he told them. “I want a night’s sleep.”
Yet he knew how hard it would be to fall asleep. His brain was on fire.
Morning, the liquid morning of London summer, was unimaginable. He shut
the door of his room and flung himself down upon the bed. Contact with
the cool linen released the pent-up tears, and the fire within burnt
less fiercely as he cried. His surrender to self-pity must have lasted
half an hour. The pillow-case was drenched. His body felt battered. He
seemed to have recovered from a great illness. The quiet of the room
surprised him, as he looked round in a daze at the familiar objects. The
cataclysm of emotion so violently expressed had left him with a sense
that the force of his grief must have shaken the room as it had shaken
him. But everything was quiet; everything was the same. Now that he had
wept away that rending sense of powerlessness to aid her, he could
examine the future more calmly. Already the numbness was going, and the
need for action was beginning to make itself felt. Yet still all his
impulses were in confusion. He could not attain to any clear view of his
attitude.
He was not in love with her now. He was neither covetous of her kisses
nor in any way of her bodily presence. To his imagination at present she
appeared like one who has died. It seemed to him that he desired to
bring back a corpse, that over a lifeless form he wished to lament the
loss of beauty, of passion and of youth. But immediately afterward, so
constant was the impression of her as he had last known her, so utterly
incapable was Drake’s account to change his outward picture of her, he
could not conceive the moral disintegration wrought by her shame. It
seemed to him that could he be driving with her in a hansom to-night,
she would lie still and fluttered in his arms, the Lily of five years
ago whom now to cherish were an adorable duty.
Therefore, he was in love with her. Otherwise to every prostitute in
London he must be feeling the same tenderness. Yet they were of no
account. Were they of no account? C’est une douzaine de filles de
joie. When he read Manon this morning—how strange! this morning he had
been reading Manon at Oxford—he was moved with pity for all poor light
women. And Lily was one of them. They did not banish them to New Orleans
nowadays, but she was not less an outcast. It was not because he was
still in love with her that he wished to find her. It was because he had
known her in the old days. He bore upon his own soul the damning weight
that in the past she had said, “Michael, why do you make me love you
so?” If there was guilt, he shared the guilt. If there was shame, he
was shameful. Others after him had sinned against her casually, counting
their behavior no more than a speck of dust in the garbage of human
emotion with which she was already smirched. He may not have seduced
her, but he had sinned against her, because while loving her he had let
her soul elude him. He had made her love him. He had trifled with her
sensuousness, and to say that he was too young for blame was cowardly.
It was that very youth which was the sin, because under society’s laws,
whatever fine figure his love might seem to him to have cut, he should
have known that it was a profitless love for a girl. He shared in the
guilt. He partook of the shame. That was incontrovertible.
Suddenly a new aspect of the situation was painfully visible. Had not
his own mother been sinned against by his father? That seemed equally
incontrovertible. Prescott had known it in his heart. Prescott had said
to him in the Albany on the night he killed himself that he wanted to
marry Stella in order to be given the right to protect her. Prescott
must always have deplored the position in which his friend’s mistress
had been placed. That was a hard word to use for one’s mother. It seemed
to hiss with scorn. No doubt his father would have married her, if Lady
Saxby had divorced him. No doubt that was the salve with which he had
soothed his conscience. Something was miserably wrong with our rigid
divorce law, he may have said. He must have cursed it innumerable times
in order to console his conscience, just as himself at eighteen had
cursed youth when he could not marry Lily. His mother had been sinned
against. Nothing could really alter that. It was useless to say that the
sinner had in the circumstances behaved very well, that so far as he was
able he had treated her honorably. But nothing could excuse his father’s
initial weakness. The devotion of a lifetime could not wash out his
deliberate sin against—and who was she? Who was his mother? Valérie ...
and her father was at Trinity, Cambridge ... a clergyman ... a
gentleman. And his father had taken her away, had exposed her to the
calumny of the world. He had afterward behaved chivalrously at any rate
by the standards of romance. But by what small margin had his own mother
escaped the doom of Lily? All his conceptions of order and safety and
custom tottered and reeled at such a thought. Surely such a realization
doubled his obligation to atone by rescuing Lily, out of very
thankfulness to God that his own mother had escaped the evil which had
come to her. How wretchedly puny now seemed all his own repinings. All
he had gained for his own character had been a vague dissatisfaction
that he could not succeed to the earldom in order to prove the sanctity
of good breeding. There had been no gratitude; there had been nothing
but a hurt conceit. The horror of Drake’s news would at least cure him
forever of that pettiness. Already he felt the strength that comes from
the sight of a task that must be conquered. He had been moved that
morning by the tale of Manon Lescaut. This tale of Lily was in
comparison with that as an earthquake to the tunneling of a mole beneath
a croquet-lawn. And now must he regard his father’s memory with
condemnation? Must he hate him? He must hate him, indeed, unless by his
own behavior he could feel he had accepted in substitution the burden of
his father’s responsibility. And he had admired him so much dying out
there in Africa for his country. He had resented his death for the sake
of thousands more unworthy living comfortably at home.
“All my standards are falling to pieces,” thought Michael. “Heroes and
heroines are all turning into cardboard. If I don’t make some effort to
be true to conviction, I shall turn to cardboard with the rest.”
He began to pace the room in a tumult of intentions, vows and
resolutions. Somehow before he slept he must shape his course. Four
years had dreamed themselves away at Oxford. Unless all that education
was as immaterial as the fogs of the Isis, it must provide him now with
an indication of his duty. He had believed in Oxford, believed in her
infallibility and glory, he had worshiped all she stood for. He had
surrendered himself to her to make of him a gentleman, and unless these
four years had been a delusion, his education must bear fruit now.
Michael made up his mind suddenly, and as it seemed to him at the moment
in possession of perfect calm and clarity of judgment, that he would
marry Lily. He had accepted marriage as a law of his society. Well,
then that law should be kept. He would test every article of the creed
of an English gentleman. He would try in the fire of his purpose honor,
pride, courtesy, and humility. All these must come to his aid, if he
were going to marry a whore. Let him stab himself with the word. Let him
not blind himself with euphemisms. His friends would have no euphemisms
for Lily. How Lonsdale had laughed at the idea of marrying Queenie
Molyneux, and she might have been called an actress. How everybody would
despise his folly. There would not be one friend who would understand.
Least of all would his mother understand. It was a hard thing to do; and
yet it would be comparatively easy, if he could be granted the grace of
faith to sustain him. Principles were rather barren things to support
the soul in a fight with convention. Principles of honor when so very
personal were apt to crumple in the blast of society’s principles all
fiercely kindled against him. Just now he had thought of the
thankfulness he owed to God. Was it more than a figure of speech, an
exaggerative personification under great emotion of what most people
would call chance? At any rate, here was God in a cynical mood, and the
divine justice of this retributive situation seemed to hint at something
beyond mere luck. And if principles were strong enough to sustain him to
the onset, faith might fire him to the coronation of his
self-effacement. He made up his mind clearly and calmly to marry Lily,
and then he quickly fell into sleep, where as if to hearten him he saw
her slim and lovely, herself again, treading for his dreams the ways of
night like a gazelle.
Next morning when Michael woke, his resolve purified by sleep of
feverish and hysterical promptings was fresh upon his pillow. In the
fatigue and strain of the preceding night the adventure had caught a
hectic glow of exaltation. Now, with the sparrows twittering and the
milkman clanking and yodeling down Cheyne Walk and the young air puffing
the curtains, his course acquired a simplicity in this lucid hour of
deliberation, which made the future normal and even obvious. There was a
great relief in this fresh following breeze after the becalmed inaction
of Oxford: it seemed an augury of life’s importance that so immediately
on top of the Oxford dream he should find such a complete dispersion of
mist and so urgent a fairway before him. The task of finding Lily might
easily occupy him for some time, for a life like hers would be made up
of mutable appearances and sudden strange eclipses. It might well be a
year before she was seen again on the Orient Promenade. Yet it was just
as likely that he would find her at once. For a moment he caught his
breath in thinking of the sudden plunge which that meeting would
involve. He thought of all the arguments and all the dismay that the
revelation of his purpose would set in motion. However, the marriage had
to be. He had threshed it all out last night. But he might reasonably
hope for a brief delay. Such a hope was no disloyalty to his
determination.
Stella was already at breakfast when he came downstairs. Michael raised
his eyebrows in demand for news of her and Alan.
“Mother was the sweetest thing imaginable,” she said. “And so we’re
engaged. I wanted to come and talk to you last night, but I thought you
would rather be left alone.”
“I’m glad you’re happy,” he said gravely. “And I’m glad you’re safe.”
Stella looked at him in surprise.
“I’ve never been anything but safe,” she assured him.
“Haven’t you?” he asked, looking at her and reproving himself for the
thought that this gray-eyed sister of his could ever have exposed
herself to the least likelihood of falling into Lily’s case. Yet there
had been times when he had felt alarmed for her security and happiness.
There had been that fellow Ayliffe, and more serious still there had
been that unknown influence in Vienna. Invulnerable she might seem now
in this cool dining-room on a summer morning, but there had been times
when he had doubted.
“What are you looking at?” she asked, flaunting her imperious boyishness
in his solemn countenance.
“You. Thinking you ought to be damned grateful.”
“What for?”
“Everything.”
“You included, I suppose,” she laughed.
Still it had been rather absurd, Michael thought, as he tapped his egg,
to suppose there was anything in Stella’s temperament which could ever
link her to Lily. Should he announce his quest for her approbation and
sympathy? It was difficult somehow to begin. Already a subtle change had
taken place in their relation to each other since she was engaged to
Alan. Of course, his reserve was ridiculous, but he could not bring
himself to break through now. Besides, in any case it were better to
wait until he had found Lily again. It would all sound very
pretentiously noble in anticipation, and though she would have every
right to laugh, he did not want her to laugh. When he stood on the brink
of marriage, they would none of them be able to laugh. There was a grim
satisfaction in that.
“When does mother suggest you should be married?” he asked.
“We more or less settled November. Alan has given up the Civil Service.
That’s my first piece of self-assertion. He’s coming for me this
morning, and we’re going to lunch at Richmond.”
“You’ve never met Mr. and Mrs. Merivale?”
Stella shook her head.
“Old Merivale’s a ripping old boy. Always making bad puns. And Mrs.
Merivale’s a dear.”
“They must both be perfect to have been the father and mother of Alan,”
said Stella.
“I shouldn’t get too excited over him,” Michael advised. “Or over
yourself, either. You might give me the credit of knowing all about it
long before either of you.”
“Darling Michael,” she cried, bounding at him like a puppy.
“When you’ve done making an ass of yourself you might chuck me a roll.”
Alan arrived soon after breakfast, and he and Michael had a few minutes
together, while Stella was getting ready to go out.
“Were your people pleased?” Michael asked.
“Oh, of course. Naturally the mater was a little nervous. She thought I
seemed young. Talked a good deal about being a little boy only yesterday
and that sort of rot.”
“And your governor?”
“He supposed I was determined to steal her,” said Alan, with a whimsical
look of apology for the pun. “And having worked that off he spent the
rest of the evening relishing his own joke.”
Stella came down ready to start for Richmond. Both she and Alan were in
white, and Michael said they looked like a couple of cricketers. But he
envied them as he waved them farewell from the front door through which
the warm day was deliciously invading the house. Their happiness
sparkled on the air as visibly almost as the sunshine winking on the
river. Those Richmond days belonged imperishably to him and Alan, yet
for Alan this Saturday would triumph over all the others before. Michael
turned back into the house rather sadly. The radiance of the morning had
been dislustered by their departure, and Michael against his will had
to be aware of the sense of exclusion which lovers leave in their wake.
He waited indoors until his mother came down. She was solicitous for the
headache of last night, and while he was with her he was not troubled by
regrets for the break-up of established intercourse. He asked himself
whether he should take her into his confidence by announcing the tale of
Lily. Yet he did not wish to give her an impression of being more
straightly bound to follow his quest than by the broadest rules of
conduct. He felt it would be easier to explain when the marriage had
taken place. How lucky for him that he was not financially dependent!
That he was not, however, laid upon him the greater obligation. He could
find, even if he wished one, no excuse for unfulfillment.
Michael and his mother talked for a time of the engagement. She was
still somewhat doubtful of Alan’s youth, when called upon to adapt
itself to Stella’s temperament.
“I think you’re wrong there,” said Michael. “Alan is rather a rigid
person in fundamentals, you know, and his youth will give just that
flexibility which Stella would demand. In another five years he would
have been ensconced behind an Englishman’s strong but most unmanageable
barrier of prejudice. I noticed so much his attitude toward Mrs. Ross
when she was received into the Roman Church. I asked him what he would
say if Stella went over. He maintained that she was different. I think
that’s a sign he’ll be ready to apply imagination to her behavior.”
“Yes, but I hope he won’t think that whatever she does is right,” Mrs.
Fane objected.
“Oh, no,” laughed Michael. “Imagination will always be rather an effort
for Alan. Mother, would you be worried if I told you I wanted to go away
for a while—I mean to say, go away and perhaps more or less not be
heard of for a while?”
“Abroad?” she asked.
“Not necessarily abroad. I’m not going to involve myself in a dangerous
undertaking; but I’m just sufficiently tired of my very comfortable
existence to wish to make an experiment. I may be away quite a short
time, but I might want to be away a few months. Will you promise me not
to worry yourself over my movements? Some of the success of this
undertaking will probably depend on a certain amount of freedom. You can
understand, can’t you, that the claims of home, however delightful,
might in certain circumstances be a problem?”
“I suppose you’re taking steps to prepare my mind for something very
extremely unpleasant,” she said.
“Let’s ascribe it all to my incurably romantic temperament,” Michael
suggested.
“And I’m not to worry?”
“No, please don’t.”
“But when are you going away?”
“I’m not really going away at all,” Michael explained. “But if I didn’t
come back to dinner one night or even the next night, would you be
content to know quite positively that I hadn’t been run over?”
“You’re evidently going to be thoroughly eccentric. But I suppose,” she
added wistfully, “that after your deserted childhood I can hardly expect
you to be anything else. Yet it seems so comfortable here.” She was
looking round at the chairs.
“I’m not proposing to go to the North Pole, you know,” Michael said,
“but I don’t want to obey dinner-gongs.”
“Very noisy and abrupt,” she agreed.
Soon they were discussing all kinds of substitutions.
“Mother, what an extraordinary lot you know about noise,” Michael
exclaimed.
“Dearest boy, I’m on the committee of a society for the abatement of
London street noises.”
“So deeply occupied with reform,” he said, patting her hand.
“One must do something,” she smiled.
“I know,” he asserted. “And therefore you’ll let me ride this new
hobby-horse I’m trying without thinking it bucks. Will you?”
“You know perfectly well that you will anyhow,” said Mrs. Fane, shaking
her head.
Michael felt justified in letting the conversation end at this
admission. Maurice Avery had invited him to come round to the studio in
order to assist at Castleton’s induction, and Michael walked along the
Embankment to 422 Grosvenor Road.
The large attic which ran all the width of the Georgian house was in a
state of utter confusion, in the midst of which Castleton was hard at
work hammering, while Maurice climbed over chairs in eager advice, and
at the Bechstein Grand a tall dark young man was playing melodies from
Tchaikovsky’s symphonies.
“Just trying to make this place a bit comfortable,” said Castleton. “Do
you know Cunningham?” He indicated the player, and Michael bowed.
“Making it comfortable,” Michael repeated. “My first impression was just
the reverse. I suppose it’s no good asking you people to give me lunch?”
“Rather, of course,” Maurice declared. “Castleton, it’s your turn to buy
lunch.”
“One extraordinary thing, Michael,” said Castleton, “is the way in which
Maurice can always produce a mathematical reason for my doing something.
You’d think he kept a ledger of all our tasks.”
“We can send old Mother Wadman if you’re tired,” Maurice offered.
Castleton, however, seemed to think he wanted some fresh air; so he and
Cunningham went out to buy things to eat.
“I was fairly settled before old Castleton turned up,” Maurice
explained, “but we shall be three times as comfortable when he’s
finished. He’s putting up divans.”
Maurice indicated with a gesture the raw material on which Castleton was
at work. They were standing by the window which looked out over
multitudinous roofs.
“What a great rolling sense of human life they do give,” said Michael.
“A sea really with telegraph poles and wires for masts and rigging, and
all that washing like flotillas of small boats. And there’s the
lighthouse,” he pointed to the campanile of Westminster Chapel.
“The sun sets just behind your lighthouse, which is a very bad simile
for anything so obscurantist as the Roman Church,” said Maurice. “We’re
having such wonderful green dusks now. This is really a room made for a
secret love-affair, you know. Such nights. Such sunny summer days. What
is it Browning says? Something about sparrows on a housetop lonely. We
two were sparrows. You know the poem I mean. Well, no doubt soon I shall
meet the girl who’s meant to share this with me. Then I really think I
could work.”
Michael nodded absently. He was wondering if an attic like this were not
the solution of what might happen to him and Lily when they were
married. Whatever bitterness London had given her would surely be driven
out by life in a room like this with a view like this. They would be
suspended celestially above all that was worst in London, and yet they
would be most essentially and intimately part of it. The windows of the
city would come twinkling into life as incomprehensibly as the stars.
Whatever bitterness she had guarded would vanish, because to see her in
a room like this would be to love her. How well he understood Maurice’s
desire for a secret love-affair here. Nobody wanted a girl to perfect
Plashers Mead. Even Guy’s fairy child at Plashers Mead had seemed an
intrusion; but here, to protect one’s loneliness against the
overpowering contemplation of the life around, love was a necessity. And
perhaps Maurice would begin to justify the ambition his friends had for
his career. It might be so. Perhaps himself might find an inspiration in
an attic high up over roofs. It might be. It might be so.
“What are you thinking about?” Maurice asked.
“I was thinking you were probably right,” said Michael.
Maurice looked pleasantly surprised. He was rather accustomed to be
snubbed when he told Michael of his desire for feminine companionship.
“I don’t want to get married, you know,” he hastily added.
“That would depend,” said Michael. “If one married what is called an
impossible person and lived up here, it ought to be romantic enough to
make marriage rather more exciting than any silvery invitation to St.
Thomas’ Church at half-past two.”
“But why are you so keen about marriage?” Maurice demanded.
“Well, it has certain advantages,” Michael pointed out.
“Not among the sparrows,” said Maurice.
“Most of all among the sparrows,” Michael contradicted. He was becoming
absorbed by his notion of Lily in such surroundings. It seemed to remove
the last doubt he had of the wisdom or necessity of the step he proposed
to take. They would be able to reënter the world after a long
retirement. For her it should be a convalescence, and for him the
opportunity which Oxford denied to test academic values on the
touchstone of human emotions. It was obvious that his education lacked
something, though his academic education was finished. He supposed he
had apprehended dimly the risk of this incompletion in Paris during that
first Long Vacation. It was curious how already the quest of Lily had
assumed less the attributes of a rescue than of a personal desire for
the happiness of her company. No doubt he must be ready for a shock of
disillusion when they did meet, but for the moment Drake’s account of
her on the Orient Promenade lost all significance of evil. The news had
merely fired him with the impulse to find her again.
“It is really extraordinarily romantic up here,” Maurice exclaimed,
bursting in upon his reverie.
“Yes, I suppose that’s the reason,” Michael admitted.
“The reason of what?” Maurice asked.
“Of what I was thinking,” Michael said.
Maurice waited for him to explain further, but Michael was silent; and
almost immediately Castleton came back with provision for lunch.
Soon after they had eaten Michael said he would leave them to their
hammering. Then he went back to Cheyne Walk and, finding the house still
and empty in the sunlight, he packed a kit-bag, called a hansom-cab, and
told the driver to go to the Seven Sisters Road.
The existence of the Seven Sisters Road had probably not occurred to
Michael since in the hazel-coppices of Clere Abbey he had first made of
it at Brother Aloysius’ behest the archetype of Avernus, and yet his
choice of it now for entrance to the underworld was swift as instinct.
The quest of Lily was already beginning to assume the character of a
deliberate withdrawal from the world in which he familiarly moved. With
the instant of his resolve all that in childhood and in youth he had
apprehended of the dim territory, which in London sometimes lay no
farther away than the other side of the road, demanded the trial of his
experience.
That he had never yet been to the Seven Sisters Road gave it a mystery;
that it was not very far from Kentish Town gave it a gruesomeness, for
ever since Mrs. Pearcey’s blood-soaked perambulator Kentish Town had
held for him a macaber significance: of the hellish portals mystery and
gruesomeness were essential attributes. The drive was for a long time
tediously pleasant in the June sunshine; but when the cab had crossed
the junction of the Euston Road with the Tottenham Court Road, unknown
London with all its sly and labyrinthine romance lured his fancy onward.
Maple’s and Shoolbred’s, those outposts of shopping civilization, were
left behind, and the Hampstead Road with a hint of roguery began. He was
not sure what exactly made the Hampstead Road so disquieting. It was
probably a mere trick of contrast between present squalor and the
greenery of its end. The road itself was merely grim, but it had a
nightmare capacity for suggesting that deviation by a foot from the
thoroughfare itself would lead to obscure calamities. Those bright
yellow omnibuses in which he had never traveled, how he remembered them
from the days of Jack the Ripper, and the horror of them skirting the
Strand by Trafalgar Square on winter dusks after the pantomime. Even now
their painted destinations affected him with a dismay that real people
could be familiar with this sinister route.
Here was the Britannia, a terminus which had stuck in his mind for years
as situate in some gray limbo of farthest London. Here it was, a tawdry
and not very large public-house exactly like a hundred others. Now the
cab was bearing round to the right, and presently upon an iron railway
bridge Michael read in giant letters the direction Kentish Town behind a
huge leprous hand pointing to the left. The hansom clattered through the
murk beneath, past the dim people huddled upon the pavement, past a
wheel-barrow and the obscene skeletons and outlines of humanity chalked
upon the arches of sweating brick. Here then was Kentish Town. It lay to
the left of this bridge that was the color of stale blood. Michael told
the driver to stop for one moment, and he leaned forward over the apron
of the cab to survey the cross-street of swarming feculent humanity that
was presumably the entering highway. A train roared over the bridge; a
piano organ gargled its tune; a wagon-load of iron girders drew near in
a clanging tintamar of slow progress. Michael’s brief pause was enough
to make such an impression of pandemoniac din as almost to drive out his
original conception of Kentish Town as a menacing and gruesome suburb.
But just as the cab reached the beginning of the Camden Road, he caught
sight of a slop-shop where old clothes smothered the entrance with their
mucid heaps and, just beyond, of three houses from whose surface the
stucco was peeling in great scabs and the damp was oozing in livid
arabesques and scrawls of verdigris. This group restored to Kentish Town
a putative disquiet, and the impression of mere dirt and noise and
exhalations of fried fish were merged in the more definite character
allotted by his prefiguration.
The Camden Road was, in contrast with what had gone before, a wide and
easy thoroughfare which let in the blue summer sky; and it was not for
some minutes that Michael began to notice what a queerness came from the
terraces that branched off on either side. The suggestion these terraces
could weave extended itself to the detached houses of the main road. In
the gaps between them long parallelograms of gardens could be seen
joining others even longer that led up to the backs of another road
behind. Sometimes it seemed that fifty gardens at once were visible,
circumscribed secretive pleasure-grounds in the amount of life they
could conceal, the life that could prosper and decay beneath their
arbors merely for that conspiracy of gloating windows. It was impossible
not to speculate upon the quality of existence in these precise
enclosures; and to this the chapels of obscure sects that the cab
occasionally passed afforded an indication. To these arid little
tabernacles the population stole out on Sunday mornings. There would be
something devilish about these reunions. Upon these pinchbeck creeds
their souls must surely starve, must slowly shrink to desiccated imps.
Anything more spiritually malevolent than those announcements chalked
upon the black notice-board of the advent of the hebdomadal messiah, the
peregrine cleric, the sacred migrant was impossible to imagine. With
what apostolic cleverness would he impose himself upon these people, and
how after the gravid midday meal of the Sabbath he would sit in those
green arbors like a horrible Chinese fum. The cabman broke in upon
Michael’s fantastic depression by calling down through the trap that
they were arrived at the Nag’s Head and what part of Seven Sisters Road
did he want.
Michael was disappointed by the Seven Sisters Road. It seemed to be
merely the garish mart of a moderately poor suburban population. There
was here nothing to support the diabolic legend with which under the
suggestion of Brother Aloysius he had endowed it. Certainly of all the
streets he had passed this afternoon there had been none less
inferential of romance than this long shopping street.
“What number do you want, sir?” the driver repeated.
“Well, really I want rooms,” Michael explained. “Only this seems a bit
noisy.”
“Yes, it is a bit boisterous,” the cabman agreed.
Michael told him to drive back along the Camden Road; but when he began
to examine the Camden Road as a prospective place of residence, it
became suddenly very dull and respectable. The locked-up chapels and the
quiet houses declined from ominousness into respectability, and he
wondered how he had managed only a quarter of an hour ago to speculate
upon the inner life they adumbrated. Nothing could be less surreptitious
than those chatting nursemaids, and actually in one of the
parallelograms of garden a child was throwing a scarlet ball high into
the air. The cab was already nearing the iron railway bridge of Kentish
Town, and Michael had certainly no wish to lodge in a noisy slum.
“Try turning off to the left,” he called to the driver through the roof.
The maneuver seemed likely to be successful, for they entered almost
immediately a district of Victorian terraces, where the name of each
street was cut in stone upon the first house; and so fine and
well-proportioned was each superscription that the houses’ declension
from gentility was the more evident and melancholy.
Michael was at last attracted to a crescent of villas terminating an
unfrequented gray street and, for the sake of a pathetic privacy,
guarded in front by a sickle-shaped inclosure of grimy Portugal laurels.
Neptune Crescent, partly on account of its name and partly on account of
the peculiar vitreous tint which the stone had acquired with age,
carried a marine suggestion. The date 1805 in spidery numerals and the
iron verandas, which even on this June day were a mockery, helped the
illusion that here was a forgotten by-way in an old sea-port. A card
advertising Apartments stood in the window of Number Fourteen. Michael
signaled the driver to stop: then he alighted and rang the bell. The
Crescent was strangely silent. Very far away he could hear the whistle
of a train. Close at hand there was nothing but the jingle of the
horse’s harness and the rusty mewing of a yellow cat which was wheedling
its lean body in and out of the railings of the falciform garden.
Soon the landlady opened the door and stood inquisitively in the narrow
passage. She was a woman of probably about thirty-five with stubby
fingers; her skin was rather moist, but she had a good-natured
expression, and perhaps when the curl-papers were taken out from her
colorless hair, and when lace frills and common finery should soften her
turgid outlines she would be handsome in a labored sort of way. The
discussion with Mrs. Murdoch about her vacant rooms did not take long.
Michael had made up his mind to any horrors of dirt and discomfort, and
he was really pleasantly surprised by their appearance. As for Mrs.
Murdoch, she was evidently too much interested to know what had brought
Michael to her house to make any difficulties in the way of his
accommodation.
“Will you want dinner to-night?” she asked doubtfully.
“No, but I’d like some tea now, if you can manage it; and I suppose you
can let me have a latchkey?”
“I’ve got the kettle on the boil at this moment. I was going out myself
for the evening. Meeting my husband at the Horseshoe. There’s only one
other lodger—Miss Carlyle. And she’s in the profession.”
As Mrs. Murdoch made this announcement, she looked up at the fly-frecked
ceiling, and Michael thought how extraordinarily light and meaningless
her eyes were and how curiously dim and heavy this small sitting-room
was against the brilliancy of the external summer.
“Well, then, tea when I can get it,” said Mrs. Murdoch cheerfully. “And
the double-u is just next your bedroom on the top floor. That’s all, I
think.”
She left him with a backward smile over her shoulder, as if she were
loath to relinquish the study of this unusual visitor to Neptune
Crescent.
Michael when he was alone examined the chairs that were standing about
the room as stiff as grenadiers in their red rep. He stripped them of
their antimacassars and pulled the one that looked least uncomfortable
close to the window. Outside, the yellow cat was still mewing; but the
cab was gone and down the gray street that led to Neptune Crescent here
and there sad-gaited wayfarers were visible. Two or three sparrows were
cheeping in a battered laburnum, and all along the horizon the blue sky
descending to the smoke of London had lost its color and had been turned
to the similitude of tarnished metal. A luxurious mournfulness was in
the view, and he leaned out over the sill scenting the reasty London
air.
It was with a sudden shock of conviction that Michael realized he was in
Neptune Crescent, Camden Town, and that yesterday he had actually been
in Oxford. And why was he here? The impulse which had brought him must
have lain deeper in the recesses of his character than those quixotic
resolutions roused by Drake’s legend of Lily. He would not otherwise
have determined at once upon so complete a demigration. He would have
waited to test the truth of Drake’s story. His first emotional despair
had vanished with almost unaccountable ease. Certainly he wanted to be
independent of the criticism of his friends until he had proved his
purpose unwavering, and he might ascribe this withdrawal to a desire for
a secluded and unflinching contemplation of a life that from Cheyne Walk
he could never focus. But ultimately he must acknowledge that his
sojourn here, following as it did straight upon his entrance into the
underworld through the disappointing portals of the Seven Sisters Road,
was due to that ancient lure of the shades. This experience was
foredoomed from very infancy. It was designated in childish dreams to
this day indelible. He could not remember any period in his life when
the speculum of hidden thought had not reflected for his fear that
shadow of evil which could overcast the manifestations of most ordinary
existence. Those days of London fog when he had sat desolately in the
pinched red house in Carlington Road; those days when on his lonely
walks he had passed askance by Padua Terrace; the shouting of murders by
newspaper-boys on drizzled December nights; all those dreadful
intimations in childhood had procured his present idea of London. With
the indestructible truth of earliest impressions they still persisted
behind the outward presentation of a normal and comfortable procedure in
the midst of money, friends, and well-bred conventions. Nor had that
speculum been merely the half-savage fancy of childhood, the endowment
by the young of material things with immaterial potencies. Phantoms
which had slunk by as terrors invisible to the blind eyes of grown-ups
had been abominably incarnate for him. Brother Aloysius had been
something more than a mere personification, and that life which the
ex-monk had indicated as scarcely even below the surface, so easy was it
to enter, had he not entered it that one night very easily?
Destiny, thought Michael, had stood with pointed finger beside the
phantoms and the realities of the underworld. There for him lay very
easily discernible the true corollary to the four years of Oxford. They
had been years of rest and refreshment, years of armament with wise and
academic and well-observed theories of behavior that would defeat the
victory of evil. It was very satisfactory to discover definitely that he
was not a Pragmatist. He had suspected all that crew of philosophers. He
would bring back Lily from evil, not from any illusion of evil. He would
not allow himself to disparage the problem before him by any
speciousness of worldly convenience. It was imperative to meet Lily
again as one who moving in the shadows meets another in the nether
gloom. They had met first of all as boy and girl, as equals. Now he must
not come too obviously from the world she had left behind her. Such an
encounter would never give him more than at best a sentimental appeal;
at worst it could have the air of a priggish reclamation, and she would
forever elude him, she with secret years within her experience. His
instinct first to sever himself from his own world must have been
infallible, and it was on account of that instinct that now he found
himself in Neptune Crescent leaning over the window-sill and scenting
the reasty London air.
And how well secluded was this room. If he met Lonsdale or Maurice or
Wedderburn, it would be most fantastically amusing to evade them at the
evening’s end, to retreat from their company into Camden Town; into
Neptune Crescent unimaginable to them; into this small room with its red
rep chairs and horsehair sofa and blobbed valances and curtains; to
this small room where the dark blue wall-paper inclosed him with a
matted vegetation and the picture of Belshazzar’s Feast glowered above
the heavy sideboard; to this small room made rich by the two thorny
shells upon the mantelpiece, by the bowl of blond goldfish in ceaseless
dim circumnatation, and by those colored pampas plumes and the bulrushes
in their conch of nacreous glass.
Mrs. Murdoch came in with tea which he drank while she stood over him
admiringly.
“Do you think you’ll be staying long?” she inquired.
Michael asked if she wanted the rooms for anyone else.
“No. No. I’m really very glad to let them. You’ll find it nice and quiet
here. There’s only Miss Carlyle, who’s in the profession and comes in
sometimes a little late. Mr. Murdoch is a chemist. But of course he
hasn’t got his own shop now.”
She paused, and seemed to expect Michael would comment on Mr. Murdoch’s
loss of independence; so he said, “Of course not,” nodding wisely.
“There was a bit of trouble through his being too kind-hearted to a
servant-girl,” said Mrs. Murdoch, looking quickly at the door and
shaking her curl-papers. “Yes. Though I don’t know why I’m telling you
straight off as you might say. But there, I’m funny sometimes. If I take
to anybody, there’s nothing I won’t do for them. Alf—that is my old
man—he gets quite aggravated with me over it. So if you happen to get
into conversation with him, you’d better not let on you know he used to
have a shop of his own.”
Michael, wondering how far off were these foreshadowed intimacies with
his landlord, promised he would be very discreet, and asked where Mr.
Murdoch was working now.
“In a chemist’s shop. Just off of the Euston Road. You know,” she said,
beaming archly. “It’s what you might call rather a funny place. Only he
gets good money, because the boss knows he can trust him.”
Michael nodded his head in solemn comprehension of Mr. Murdoch’s
reputation, and asked his landlady if she had such a thing as a
postcard.
“Well, there. I wonder if I have. If I have, it’s in the kitchen
dresser, that’s a sure thing. Perhaps you’d like to come down and see
the kitchen?”
Michael followed her downstairs. There were no basements in Neptune
Crescent, and he was glad to think his bedroom was above his
sitting-room and on the top floor. It would have been hot just above the
kitchen.
“Miss Carlyle has her room here,” said Mrs. Murdoch, pointing next door
to the kitchen. “Nice and handy for her as she’s rather late sometimes.
I hate to hear anybody go creaking upstairs, I do. It makes me nervous.”
The kitchen was pleasant enough and looked out upon a narrow strip of
garden full of coarse plants.
“They’ll be very merry and bright, won’t they?” said Mrs. Murdoch,
smiling encouragement at the greenery. “It’s wonderful what you can do
nowadays for threepence.”
Michael asked what they were.
“Why, sunflowers, of course, only they want another month yet. I have
them every year—yes. They’re less trouble than rabbits or chickens. Now
where did I see that postcard?”
She searched the various utensils, and at last discovered the postcard
stuck behind a mutilated clock.
“What will they bring out next?” demanded Mrs. Murdoch, surveying it
with affectionate approbation. “Pretty, I call it.”
A pair of lovers in black plush were sitting enlaced beneath a pink
frosted moon.
“Just the thing, if you’re writing to your young lady,” said Mrs.
Murdoch, offering it to Michael.
He accepted it with many expressions of gratitude, but when he was in
his own room he laughed very much at the idea of sending it to his
mother in Cheyne Walk. However, as he must write and tell her he would
not be home for some time, he decided to go out and buy both writing
materials and unillustrated postcards. When he came back he found Mrs.
Murdoch feathered for the evening’s entertainment. She gave him the
latchkey, and from his window Michael watched her progress down Neptune
Crescent. Just before her lavender dress disappeared behind the Portugal
laurels she turned round and waved to him. He wondered what his mother
would say if she knew from what curious corner of London the news of his
withdrawal would reach her to-night.
The house was very still, and the refulgence of the afternoon light
streaming into the small room fused the raw colors to a fiery
concordancy. Upon the silence sounded presently a birdlike fidgeting,
and Michael going out onto the landing to discover what it was, caught
to his surprise the upward glance of a thin little woman in untidy pink.
“Hulloa!” she cried. “I never knew there was anybody in—you did give me
a turn. I’ve only just woke up.”
Michael explained the situation, and she seemed relieved.
“I’ve been asleep all the afternoon,” she went on. “But it’s only
natural in this hot weather to go to sleep in the afternoon if you don’t
go out for a walk. Why don’t you come down and talk to me while I have
some tea?”
Michael accepted the invitation with a courtesy which he half suspected
this peaked pink little creature considered diverting.
“You’ll excuse the general untidiness,” she said. “But really in this
weather anyone can’t bother to put their things away properly.”
Michael assented, and looked round at the room. It certainly was untidy.
The large bed was ruffled where she had been lying down, and the soiled
copy of a novelette gave it a sort of stale slovenry. Over the foot hung
an accumulation of pink clothes. On the chairs, too, there were clothes
pink and white, and the door bulged with numberless skirts. Miss Carlyle
herself wore a pink blouse whose front had escaped the constriction of a
belt. Even her face was a flat unshaded pink, and her thin lips would
scarcely have showed save that the powder round the edges was slightly
caked. Yet there was nothing of pink’s freshness and pleasant crudity in
the general effect. It was a tired, a frowsy pink like a fondant that
has lain a long while in a confectioner’s window.
“Take a chair and make yourself at home,” she invited him. “What’s your
name?”
He told her “Fane.”
“You silly thing, you don’t suppose I’m going to call you Mr. Fane, do
you? What’s your other name? Michael? That’s Irish, isn’t it? I used to
know a fellow once called Micky Sullivan. I suppose they call you Micky
at home.”
He was afraid he was invariably known as Michael, and Miss Carlyle
sighed at the stiff sort of a name it was.
“Mine’s Poppy,” she volunteered. “That’s much more free and easy. Or I
think so,” she added rather doubtfully, as Michael did not immediately
celebrate its license by throwing pillows at her. “Are you really
lodging here?” she went on. “You don’t look much like a pro.”
Michael said that was so much the better, as he wasn’t one.
“I’ve got you at last,” cried Poppy. “You’re a shop-walker at
Russell’s.”
He could not help laughing very much at this, and the queer pink room
seemed to become more faded at the sound of his merriment. Poppy looked
offended by the reception of her guess, and Michael hastened to restore
her good temper by asking questions of her.
“You’re on the stage, aren’t you?”
“I usually get into panto,” she admitted.
“Aren’t you acting now?”
“Yes, I don’t think. You needn’t be funny.”
“I wasn’t trying to be funny.”
“You mind your business,” she said bitterly. “And I’ll look after mine.”
“There doesn’t seem to be anything very rude in asking if you’re acting
now,” said Michael.
“Oh, shut up! As if you didn’t know.”
“Know what?” he repeated.
He looked so genuinely puzzled that Poppy seemed to make an effort to
overcome her suspicion of his mockery.
“It’s five years since I went on the game,” she said.
Michael blushed violently, partly on her account, partly for his own
stupidity, and explained that Mrs. Murdoch had told him she was in the
profession.
“Well, you didn’t expect her to say ‘my ground-floor front’s a gay
woman,’ did you?”
He agreed that such an abrupt characterization would have surprised him.
“Well, I’m going out to get dinner now,” she announced.
“Why don’t you dine with me?” Michael suggested.
She looked at him doubtfully.
“Can you afford it?”
“I think I could manage it.”
“Because if we are in the same house that doesn’t say you’ve got to
pay my board, does it?” she demanded proudly.
“Once in a way won’t matter,” Michael insisted. “And we might go on to a
music hall afterward.”
“Yes, we might, if I hadn’t got to pay the woman who’s looking after my
kid for some clothes she’s made for him,” said Poppy. “And sitting with
you at the Holborn all night won’t do that. No, you can give me dinner
and then I’ll P.O. I’m not going to put on a frock even for you, because
I never get off only when I’m in a coat and skirt.”
Michael rose to leave the room while Poppy got ready.
“Go on, sit down. As you’re going to take me out to dinner, you can talk
to me while I dress as a reward.”
In this faded pink room where the sun was by now shining with a splendor
that made all the strewn clothes seem even more fusty and overblown,
Michael could not have borne to see a live thing take shape as it were
from such corruption. He made an excuse therefore of letters to be
written and left Poppy to herself, asking to be called when she was
ready.
Michael’s own room upstairs had a real solidity after the ground-floor
front. He wondered if it were possible that Lily was inhabiting at this
moment such a room as Poppy’s. It could not be. It could not be. And he
realized that he had pictured Lily like Manon in the midst of luxury,
craving for magnificence and moving disdainfully before gilded mirrors.
This Poppy Carlyle of Neptune Crescent belonged to another circle of the
underworld. Lily would be tragical, but this little peaked creature
downstairs was scarcely even pathetic. Indeed, she was almost grotesque
with the coat and skirt that was to insure her getting off. Of course
her only chance was to attract a jaded glance by her positive plainness,
her schoolma’am air, her decent unobtrusiveness. Yet she was plucky, and
she had accepted the responsibility of supporting her child. There was,
too, something admirable in the candor with which she had treated him.
There was something friendly and birdlike about her, and he thought how
when he had been first aware of her movements below he had compared them
to a bird’s fidgeting. There was something really appealing about the
gay woman of the ground-floor front. He laughed at her description; and
then he remembered regretfully that he had allowed her to forego what
might after all have been for her a pleasant evening because she must
pay for some clothes the woman who was looking after her child. He could
so easily have offered to give her the money. No matter, he could make
amends at once and offer it to her now. It would be doubtless an unusual
experience for her to come into contact with someone whose rule of life
was not dictated by the brutal self-interest of those with whom her
commerce must generally lie. She would serve to bring to the proof his
theory that so much of the world’s beastliness could be cleansed by
having recourse to the natural instincts of decent behavior without any
grand effort of reformation. Nevertheless, Michael did feel very
philanthropic when he went down to answer Poppy’s summons.
“I say,” he began at once. “It was stupid of me just now not to suggest
that I should find the money for your kid’s clothes. Look here, we’ll go
to the Holborn after dinner and——” he paused. He felt a delicacy in
inquiring how much exactly she might expect to lose by giving him her
company—“and—er—I suppose a couple of pounds would buy something?”
“I say, kiddie, you’re a sport,” she said. “Only look here, don’t go and
spend more than what you can afford. It isn’t as if we’d met by chance,
as you might say.”
“Oh no, I can afford two pounds,” Michael assured her.
“Where shall we go? I know a nice room which the woman lets me have for
four shillings. That’s not too much, is it?”
He was touched by her eager consideration for his purse, and he
stammered, trying to explain as gently as he could that the two pounds
was not offered for hire.
“But, kiddie, I can’t bring you back here. Not even if you do lodge
here. These aren’t gay rooms.”
“I don’t want to go anywhere with you,” said Michael. “The money is a
present.”
“Oh, is it?” she flamed out. “Then you can keep your dirty money.
Thanks, I haven’t come down to charity. Not yet. If I’m not good enough
for you, you can keep your money. I believe you’re nothing more than a
dirty ponce. I’ve gone five years without keeping a fellow yet. And I’m
not going to begin now. That’s very certain. Are you going out or am I
going out? Because I don’t want to be seen with you. You and your
presents. Gard! I should have to be drunk on claret and lemon before I
went home with you.”
Michael had nothing to say to her and so he went out, closing the front
door quickly upon her rage. His first impression when he gained the
fresh air was of a fastidious disgust. Here in the Crescent the orange
lucency of the evening shed such a glory that the discoloration of the
houses no longer spoke of miserably drawn-out decay, but took on rather
the warmth of live rock. The deepening shadows of that passage where the
little peaked creature had spat forth her fury made him shudder with the
mean and vicious passions they now veiled. Very soon, however, his
disgust died away. Looking back at Neptune Crescent, he knew there was
not one door in all that semicircle which did not putatively conceal
secrets like those of Number Fourteen. Like poisonous toadstools in
rankness and gloom, the worst of human nature must flourish here. It was
foolish to be disgusted; indeed, already a half-aroused curiosity had
taken its place, and Michael regretted that he had not stayed to hear
what more she would have said. How far she had been from appreciating
the motives that prompted his offer of money. Poppy’s injustice began to
depress him. He felt, walking southward to Piccadilly, an acute sense of
her failure to be grateful from his point of view. It hurt him to find
sincerity so lightly regarded. Then he realized that it was her vanity
which had been touched. Hell knows no fury like a woman scorned. The
ability to apply such a famous generalization directly to himself gave
Michael a great satisfaction. It was strange to be so familiar with a
statement, and then suddenly like this to be staggered by its truth. He
experienced a sort of pride in linking himself on to one of the great
commonplaces of rhetoric. He need no longer feel misjudged, since Poppy
had played a universal part. In revulsion he felt sorry for her. He
hated to think how deeply her pride must have been wounded. He could not
expect her to esteem the reason which had made him refuse her. She could
have little comprehension of fastidiousness and still less could she
grasp the existence of an abstract morality that in its practical
expression must have seemed to her so insulting. That, however, did not
impugn the morality, nor did it invalidate the desire to befriend her.
Impulse had not really betrayed him: the mistake had been in his
tactlessness, in a lack of worldly knowledge. Moreover, Poppy was only
an incident, and until Lily was found he had no business to turn aside.
Nevertheless, he had learned something this evening; he had seen proved
in action a famous postulate of feminine nature, and the truth struck
him with a sharpness that no academic demonstration had ever had the
power to effect.
On the whole, Michael was rather pleased with himself as he rode on the
front seat of the omnibus down Tottenham Court Road in the cool of the
evening.
At the Horseshoe he alighted and went into the saloon bar on the chance
of seeing what Mr. Murdoch looked like; but there was no sign of the
landlady and her husband. The saloon bar smelt very strongly of spilt
stout; and a number of men, who looked like draymen in tailcoats and
top-hats, were arguing about money. He was glad to leave the tavern
behind; and in a Soho restaurant he ate a tranquil dinner, listening
with much amusement to the people round him. He liked to hear each petty
host assure his guests that he had brought them to a place of which very
few but himself knew. All the diners under the influence of this
assurance stared at one another like conspirators.
Just before nine o’clock. Michael reached the Orient Palace of
Varieties, and with excitement bubbling up within him, notwithstanding
all his efforts to stay unmoved, he joined the throng of the Promenade.
He looked about him at first in trepidation. Although all the way from
Camden Town he had practiced this meeting with Lily, now at its approach
his presence of mind vanished, and he felt that to meet her suddenly
without a longer preparation would lead him to make a fool of himself.
However, in the first quick glance he could not see anyone who resembled
her, and he withdrew to the secluded apex of the curving Promenade
whence he could watch most easily the ebb and flow of the crowd. That on
the stage a lady of the haute école was with a curious wooden rapidity
putting a white horse through a number of tricks did not concern his
attention beyond the moment. For him the Promenade was the performance.
Certainly at the Orient it was a better staged affair than that weary
heterogeneous mob at The Oxford. At the Orient there was an unity of
effect, an individuality, and a conscious equipment. At The Oxford the
whole business had resembled a suburban parade. Here was a real
exposition of vice like the jetty of Alexandria in olden days. Indeed,
so cynical was the function of the Orient Promenade that the frankness
almost defeated its object, and the frequenters instead of profiting by
the facilities for commerce allowed themselves to be drugged into
perpetual meditation upon an attractive contingency.
Seen from this secluded corner, the Promenade resembled a well-filled
tank in an aquarium. The upholstery of shimmering green plush, the dim
foreground, the splash of light from the bar in one corner, the gliding
circumambient throng among the pillars and, displayed along the barrier,
the bright-hued ladies like sea-anemones—there was nothing that spoiled
the comparison. Moreover, the longer Michael looked, the more nearly was
the effect achieved. At intervals women whose close-fitting dresses
seemed deliberately to imitate scales went by: and generally the people
eyed one another with the indifferent frozen eyes of swimming fish.
There was indeed something cold-blooded in the very atmosphere, and it
was from, this rapacious and vivid shoal of women that he was expecting
Lily to materialize. Yet he was better able to imagine her in the luxury
of the Orient than sleeping down the sun over a crumpled novelette in
such a room as Poppy’s in Camden Town.
The evening wore itself away, and the motion in that subaqueous air was
restful in its continuity. Michael was relieved by the assurance that he
had still a little time in which to compose himself to face the shock he
knew he must ultimately expect from meeting Lily again. The evening wore
itself away. The lady of the haute école was succeeded by a band of
Caucasian wrestlers, by a troupe of Bolivian gymnasts, by half a dozen
cosmopolitan ebullitions of ingenuity. The ballet went its mechanical
course, and as each line of dancers grouped themselves, it was almost
possible to hear the click of the kaleidoscope’s shifting squares and
lozenges. Michael wondered vaguely about the girls in the ballet and
whether they were happy. It seemed absurd to think that down there on
the stage there were eighty or ninety individuals each with a history,
so little more did they seem from here than dolls. And on the Promenade
where it was quite certain that every woman had a history to account for
her presence there, how utterly living had quenched life. The ballet was
over, and he passed out into the streets.
For a fortnight Michael came every evening to the Orient without finding
Lily. They were strange evenings, these that were spent in the heart of
London without meeting anyone he knew. It was no doubt by the merest
chance that none of his friends saw him at the Orient, and yet he began
to fancy that actually every evening he did, as it were, by some
enchantment fade from the possibility of recognition. He felt as if his
friends would not perceive his presence, so much would they in that
circumambient throng take on the characteristics of its eternal motion.
They too, he felt, irresponsive as fish, would glide backward and
forward with the rest. Nor did Michael meet anyone whom he knew at any
of the restaurants or cafés to which he went after the theater. By the
intensity of his one idea, the discovery of Lily, he cut himself off
from all communion with the life of the places he visited. He often
thought that perhaps acquaintances saw him there, that perhaps he had
seemed deliberately to avoid their greetings and for that reason had
never been hailed. Yet he was aware of seeing women whom he had seen the
night before, mostly because they bore a superficial likeness to Lily;
and sometimes he would be definitely conscious of a dress or a hat,
perceiving it in the same place at the same hour, but never meeting the
wearer’s glance.
He did not make any attempt to be friendly with Poppy after their
unpleasant encounter, and he always tried to be sure they would not meet
in the hall or outside the front door. That he was successful in
avoiding her gave him a still sharper sense of the ease with which it
was possible to seclude one’s self from the claims of human intercourse.
He was happy in his room at Neptune Crescent, gazing out over the
sickle-shaped garden of Portugal laurels, listening in a dream to the
distant cries of railway traffic and reading the books which every
afternoon he brought back from Charing Cross Road, so many books indeed
that presently the room in 14 Neptune Crescent came curiously to
resemble rooms in remote digs at Oxford, where poor scholars imposed
their books on surroundings they could not afford to embellish. Mrs.
Murdoch could not make Michael out at all. She used to stand and watch
him reading, as if he were performing an intricate surgical operation.
“I never in all my life saw anyone read like you do,” she affirmed.
“Doesn’t it tire your eyes?”
Then she would move a step nearer and spell out the title of the book,
looking sideways at it like a fat goose.
“Holy Living and Holy Dying. Ugh! Enough to give you the horrors, isn’t
it? And only this morning they hung that fellow at Pentonville. This
is Tuesday, isn’t it?”
After three or four days of trying to understand him, Mrs. Murdoch
decided that Alf must be called in to solve his peculiarity.
Mr. Alfred Murdoch was younger than Michael had expected. He could
scarcely have been more than forty, and Michael had formed a
preconception of an elderly chemist reduced by misfortune and misdeeds
to the status of one of those individuals who with a discreet manner
somewhere between a family doctor and a grocer place themselves at the
service of the public in an atmosphere of antiseptics. Mr. Murdoch was
not at all like this. He was a squat swarthy man with one very dark eye
that stared fixedly regardless of the expression of its fellow. Michael
could not make up his mind whether this eye were blind or not. He
rather hoped it was, but in any case its fierce blankness was very
disconcerting. Conversation between Michael and Mr. Murdoch was not very
lively, and Mrs. Murdoch’s adjutant inquisitiveness made Michael the
more monosyllabic whenever her husband did commit himself to a direct
inquiry.
“I looked for you in the Horseshoe the other evening,” said Michael
finally, at a loss how in any other way to give Mr. Murdoch an
impression that he took the faintest interest in his existence.
“In the Horseshoe?” repeated Mr. Murdoch, in surprise. “I never go to
the Horseshoe only when a friend asks me in to have one.”
Michael saw Mrs. Murdoch frowning at him, and, perceiving that there was
a reason why her husband must not suppose she had been to the Horseshoe
on the evening of his arrival, he said he had gathered somehow, he did
not exactly know where or why or when, that Mr. Murdoch was often to be
found in the Horseshoe. He wished this awkward and unpleasant man would
leave him and cock his rolling eye anywhere else but in his room.
“Bit of a reader, aren’t you?” inquired the chemist.
Michael admitted he read a good deal.
“Ever read Jibbon’s Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire?” continued the
chemist.
“Some of it.”
Mr. Murdoch said in that case it was just as well he hadn’t bought some
volumes he’d seen on a barrow in the Caledonian Road.
“Four-and-six, with two books out in the middle,” he proclaimed.
Michael could merely nod his comment, though he racked his brains to
think of some remark that would betray a vestige of cordiality. Mr.
Murdoch got up to retire to the kitchen. He evidently did not find his
tenant sympathetic. Outside on the landing Michael heard him say to his
wife: “Stuck up la-di-da sort of a ——, isn’t he?”
Presently the wife came up again.
“How did you like my old man?”
“Oh, very much.”
“Did you notice his eye?”
Michael said he had noticed something.
“His brother Fred did that for him.”
She spoke proudly, as if Fred’s act had been a humane achievement. “When
they were boys,” she explained. “It gives him a funny look. I remember
when I first met him it gave me the creeps, but I don’t notice it really
now. Would you believe he couldn’t see an elephant with it?”
“I wondered if it were blind,” said Michael.
“Blind as a leg of mutton,” said Mrs. Murdoch, and still there lingered
in her accents a trace of pride. Then suddenly her demeanor changed and
there crept over her countenance what Michael was bound to believe to be
an expression of coyness.
“Don’t say anything more to Alf about the Horseshoe. You see, I only
gave you the idea I was meeting him, because I didn’t really know you
very well at the time. Of course really I’d gone to see my sister. No,
without a joke, I was spending the evening with a gentleman friend.”
Michael looked at her in astonishment.
“My old man wouldn’t half knock me about, if he had the least suspicion.
But it’s someone I knew before I was married, and that makes a
difference, doesn’t it?”
“Does your husband go out with lady friends he knew before he was
married?” Michael asked, and wondered if Mrs. Murdoch would see an
implied reproof.
“What?” she shrilled. “I’d like to catch him nosing after another
woman. He wouldn’t see a hundred elephants before I’d done with him. I’d
show him.”
“But why should you have freedom and not he?” Michael asked.
“Never mind about him. You let him try. You see what he’d get.”
Michael did not think the argument could be carried on very profitably.
So he showed signs of wanting to return to his book, and Mrs. Murdoch
retired. What extraordinary standards she had, and how bitterly she was
prepared to defend a convention, for after all in such a marriage the
infidelity of the husband was nothing but a conventional offense: she
obviously had no affection for him. The point of view became very
topsyturvy in Neptune Crescent, Michael decided.
On the last evening of the fortnight during which he had regularly
visited the Orient, Michael went straight back to Camden Town without
waiting to scan the cafés and restaurants until half-past twelve as he
usually had. This abode in Neptune Crescent was empty, and as always
when that was the case the personality of the house was very vivid upon
his imagination. As he turned up the gas-jet in the hall, the cramped
interior with its fusty smell and its thread-bare staircarpet
disappearing into the upper gloom round the corner seemed to be
dreadfully closing in upon him. The old house conveyed a sense of having
the power to choke out of him every sane and orderly and decent impulse.
For a whim of tristfulness, for the luxury of consummating the ineffable
depression the house created in him, Michael prepared to glance at every
one of the five rooms. The front door armed with the exaggerated
defenses of an earlier period in building tempted him to lock and
double-lock it, to draw each bolt and to fasten the two clanking chains.
He had the fantastic notion to do this so that Mr. and Mrs. Murdoch and
Poppy might stay knocking and ringing outside in the summer night, while
himself escaped into the sunflowers of the back garden and went climbing
over garden wall and garden wall to abandon this curious mixture of
salacity and respectableness, of flimsiness and solidity, this quite
indefinably raffish and sinister and yet in a way strangely cozy house.
He opened gingerly the door of the ground-floor front. He peered
cautiously in, lest Poppy should be lying on her bed. The gas-jet was
glimmering with a scarcely perceptible pinhead of blue flame, but the
light from the passage showed all her clothes still strewn about. From
the open door came out the faint perfume of stale scent which mingled
with the fusty odor of the passage in a most subtle expression of the
house’s personality. He closed the door gently. In the silence it seemed
almost as if the least percussion would rouse the very clothes from
their stupor of disuse. In the kitchen was burning another pinhead of
gas, and the light from the passage reaching here very dimly was only
just sufficient to give all the utensils a ghostly sheen and to show the
mutilated hands at a quarter past five upon the luminous face of the
clock. This unreal hour added the last touch to unreality, and when
Michael went upstairs and saw the books littering his room, even they
were scarcely sound guarantors of his own actuality. He had a certain
queasiness in opening the door of the Murdochs’ bedroom, and he was
rather glad when he was confronted here by a black void whose secrecy he
did not feel tempted to violate. With three or four books under his arm
he went upstairs to bed. As he leaned out of the window two cats yawled
and fizzed at one another among the laurels, and then scampered away
into muteness. From a scintillation of colored lights upon the horizon
he could hear the scrannel sounds of the railway come thinly along the
night air. Nothing else broke the silence of the nocturnal streets.
Michael felt tired, and he was disappointed by his failure to find
Lily. Just as he was dozing off, he remembered that his Viva Voce at
Oxford was due some time this week. He must go back to Cheyne Walk
to-morrow, and on this resolution he fell asleep.
Michael woke up with a start and instantly became aware that the house
was full of discordant sounds. For a minute or two he lay motionless
trying to connect the noise with the present, trying to separate his
faculties from the inspissate air that seemed to be throttling them. He
was not yet free from the confusion of sleep, and for a few seconds he
could only perceive the sound almost visibly churning the clotted
darkness that was stifling him. Gradually the clamor resolved itself
into the voices of Mr. Murdoch, Mrs. Murdoch and Poppy at the pitch of
excitement. Nothing was intelligible except the oaths that came up in a
series of explosions detached from the main din. He got out of bed and
lit the gas, saw that it was one o’clock, dressed himself roughly, and
opened the door of his room.
“Yes, my lad, you thought you was very clever.”
“No, I didn’t think I was clever. Now then.”
“Yes! You can spend all your money on that muck. The sauce of it. In a
hansom!”
Here Poppy’s voice came in with a malignant piping sound.
“Muck yourself, you dirty old case-keeper!”
“You call me a case-keeper? What men have I ever let you bring back
here?”
Mrs. Murdoch’s voice was swollen with wrath.
“You don’t know how many men I haven’t brought back. So now, you great
ugly mare!” Poppy howled.
“The only fellow you’ve ever brought to my house is that one-eyed ——
who calls himself my husband. Mister Murdoch! Mis-ter Murdoch! And
you get out of my house in the streets where you belong. I don’t want
no two-and-fours in my house.”
“Hark at her!” Poppy cried, in a horrible screaming laugh. “Why don’t
you go back on the streets yourself? Why, I can remember you as one of
the old fourpenny Hasbeens when I was still dressmaking; a dirty drunken
old teat that couldn’t have got off with a blind tramp.”
Michael punctuated each fresh taunt and accusation with a step forward
to interfere; and every time he held himself back, pondering the
impossibility of extracting from these charges and countercharges any
logical assignment of blame. It made him laugh to think how
extraordinarily in the wrong they all three were and at the same time
how they were all perfectly convinced they were right. The only factor
left out of account was Mrs. Murdoch’s own behavior. He wondered rather
what effect that gentleman friend would produce on the husband. He
decided that he had better go back to bed until the racket subsided.
Then, just as he was turning away in the midst of an outpouring of
vileness far more foul than anything uttered so far, he heard what
sounded like a blow. That of course could not be tolerated, and he
descended to intervene.
The passage was the field of battle, and the narrow space seemed to give
not only an added virulence to the fight, but also an added grotesquery.
When Michael arrived at the head of the staircase, Alf had pinned his
wife to the wall and was shouting to Poppy over his shoulder to get back
into her own room. Poppy would go halfway, but always a new insult would
occur to her, and she would return to fling it at Mrs. Murdoch, stabbing
the while into its place again a hatpin which during her retreats she
always half withdrew.
As for Mrs. Murdoch, she was by now weeping hysterically and
occasionally making sudden forward plunges that collapsed like jelly.
Michael paused at the head of the stairs, wondering what to say. It
seemed to him really rather a good thing that Alf was restraining his
wife. It would be extremely unpleasant to have to separate the two women
if they closed with each other. He had almost decided to retire upstairs
again, when Poppy caught sight of him and at once turned her abuse in
his direction.
“What’s it got to do with you?” she screamed. “What’s the good in you
standing gaping there? We all know what you are. We all know what
she’s always going up to your room for.”
Mrs. Murdoch was heaving and puffing and groaning, and while Alf held
her, his rolling eye with fierce and meaningless stare nearly made
Michael laugh. However, he managed to be serious, and gravely advised
Poppy to go to bed.
“Don’t you dare try to order me about!” she shrieked. “Keep your
poncified ways for that fat old maggot which her husband can’t hardly
hold, and I don’t blame him. She’s about as big as a omnibus.”
“Oh, you wicked woman,” sobbed Mrs. Murdoch. “Oh, you mean, hateful
snake-in-the-grass! Oh, you filth!”
“Hold your jaw,” commanded Alf. “If you don’t want me to punch into
you.”
“All day she’s in his room. Let him stand up and deny it if he can, the
dirty tyke. Why don’t you punch into him, Alf?” Poppy screamed.
Still that wobbling eye, blank and ferocious, was fixed upon vacancy.
“Let me look after Mrs. Murdoch I don’t think!” shouted Poppy. “And
be a man, even if you can’t keep your old woman out of the lodger’s
room. —— ——! I wouldn’t half slosh his jaw in, if I was a man,
the —— ——!”
It was a question for Michael either of laughing outright or of being
nauseated at the oaths streaming from that little woman’s thin magenta
lips. He laughed. Even with her paint, she still looked so respectable.
When he began to laugh, he laughed so uncontrollably that he had to hold
on to the rail of the balusters until they rattled like ribs.
Michael’s laughter stung the group to frenzied action. Mrs. Murdoch spat
in her husband’s face, whereupon he immediately loosed his grip upon her
shoulders. In a moment she and Poppy were clawing each other. Michael,
though he was still laughing unquenchably, rushed downstairs to part
them. He had an idea that both of the women instantly turned and
attacked him. The hat-stand fell over: the scurfy front-door mat slid up
and down the oil cloth: there was a reek of stale scent and dust and
spirituous breath.
At last Michael managed to secure Poppy’s thin twitching arms and to
hold her fast, though she was kicking him with sharp-heeled boots and he
was weak with inward laughter. Mrs. Murdoch in the lull began fecklessly
to gather together the strands of her disordered hair. Alf, who had gone
to peep from the window of the ground-floor front in case a policeman’s
bull’s-eye were glancing on Neptune Crescent, reappeared in the doorway.
“What a smell of gas!” he exclaimed nervously.
There was indeed a smell of gas, and Michael remembered that Poppy in
her struggle had grasped the bracket. She must have dislocated the lead
pipe rather badly, for the light was already dimming and the gas was
rushing out fast. The tumultuous scene was allayed. Mr. Murdoch hurried
to cut off the main. Poppy retired into her room, slammed and locked the
door. Michael went upstairs to bed, and just as darkness descended upon
the house he saw his landlady painfully trying to raise the hat-stand,
while with the other arm she felt aimlessly for strands of tumbled
hair.
Next morning Michael was surprised to see Mrs. Murdoch enter very
cheerfully with his tea; her hair that so short a time since had seemed
eternally intractable had now shriveled into subjugatory curl-papers: of
last night’s tear-smudged face remained no memory in this beaming
countenance.
“Quite a set-out we had last night, didn’t we?” she said expansively.
“But that Poppy, really, you know, she is the limit. Driving home with
my old man in a hansom cab. There’s a nice game to get up to. I was
bound to let her have it. I couldn’t have held myself in.”
“I suppose you’ll get rid of her now,” said Michael.
“Oh, well, she’s not so bad in some ways, and very quiet as a rule. She
was a bit canned last night, and I suppose I’d had one or two myself.
Oh, well, it wouldn’t do, would it, if we never had a little enjoyment
in this life?”
She left him wondering how he would ever be able to readjust his
standards to the topsyturvy standards of the underworld, the topsyturvy
feuds and reconciliations, the hatreds; the loves and jealousies and
fears. But to-day he must leave this looking-glass world for a time.
Mrs. Murdoch was very much upset by his departure from Neptune Crescent.
“It seems such a pity,” she said. “And just as I was beginning to get
used to your ways. Oh, well, we’ll meet again some day, I hope, this
side of the cemetery.”
Michael felt some misgivings about ordering a hansom after last night,
but Mrs. Murdoch went cheerfully enough to fetch one. He drove away from
Neptune Crescent, waving to her where she stood in the small doorway
looking very large under that rusty frail veranda. He also waved rather
maliciously to Poppy, as he caught sight of her sharp nose pressed
against the panes of the ground-floor front.
Michael came back to Cheyne Walk with a sense of surprise at finding
that it still existed; and when he saw the parlormaid he half expected
she would display some emotion at his reappearance. After Neptune
Crescent, it was almost impossible to imagine a female who was not
subject to the violence of her mutable emotions. Yet her private life,
the life of the alternate Sunday evening out, might be as passionate and
gusty as any scene in Neptune Crescent. He looked at the
tortoise-mouthed parlormaid with a new interest, until she became waxily
pink under his stare.
“Mrs. Fane is in the drawing-room, sir.” It was as if she were rebuking
his observation.
His mother rose from her desk when he came to greet her.
“Dearest boy, how delightful to see you again, and so thoughtful of you
to send me those postcards.”
If she had asked him directly where he had been, he would have told her
about Neptune Crescent, and possibly even about Lily. But as she did
not, he could reveal nothing of the past fortnight. It would have seemed
to him like the boring recitation of a dream, which from other people
was a confidence he always resented.
“Stella and Alan are in the studio,” she told him.
They chatted for a while of unimportant things, and then Michael said he
would go and find them. As he crossed the little quadrangle of pallid
grass and heard in the distance the sound of the piano he could not keep
back the thought of how utterly Alan’s company had replaced his own. Not
that he was jealous, not that he was not really delighted; but a period
of life was being rounded off. The laws of change were being rather
ruthless just now. Both Alan and Stella were so obviously glad to see
him that the fleck of bitterness vanished immediately, and he was at
their service.
“Where have you been?” Stella demanded. “We go to Richmond. We send
frantic wires to you to join us on the river, and when we come back
you’re gone. Where have you been?”
“I’ve been away,” Michael answered, with a certain amount of
embarrassment.
“My dear old Michael, we never supposed you’d been hiding in the
cistern-cupboard for a fortnight,” said Stella, striking three chords of
cheerful contempt.
“I believe he went back to Oxford,” suggested Alan.
“I am going up to-morrow,” Michael said. “When is your Viva?”
“Next week. Where are you going to stay?”
“In college, if I can get hold of a room.”
“Bother Oxford,” interrupted Stella. “We want to know where you’ve been
this fortnight.”
“You do,” Alan corrected.
“I’ll tell you both later on,” Michael volunteered. “Just at present I
suppose you won’t grudge me a secret. People who are engaged to be
married should show a very special altruism toward people who are not.”
“Michael, I will not have you being important and carrying about a
secret with you,” Stella declared.
“You can manage either me or Alan,” Michael offered. “But you simply
shall not manage both of us. Personally, I recommend you to break-in
Alan.”
With evasive banter he succeeded in postponing the revelation of what he
was, as Stella said, up to.
“We’re going in for Herefords,” Alan suddenly announced without
consideration for the trend of the talk. “You know. Those white-faced
chaps.”
Michael looked at him in astonishment.
“I was thinking about this place of Stella’s in Huntingdonshire,” Alan
explained. “We went down to see it last week.”
“Oh, Alan, why did you tell him? He doesn’t deserve to be told.”
“Is it decent?” Michael asked.
“Awfully decent,” said Alan. “Rather large, you know.”
“In fact, we shall belong to the squirearchy,” cried Stella, crashing
down upon the piano with the first bars of Chopin’s most exciting
Polonaise and from the Polonaise going off into an absurd impromptu
recitative.
“We shall have a dog-cart—a high and shining dog-cart—and we shall go
bowling down the lanes of the county of Hunts—because in books about
people who live in the county and of the county and by with or from the
county dog-carts invariably bowl—we shall have a herd of Herefordshire
bulls and bullocks and bullockesses—and my husband Alan with a straw in
his mouth will go every morning with the bailiff to inspect their
well-being—and three days every week from November to March we shall
go hunting in Huntingdon—and when we aren’t actually hunting in
Huntingdon we shall be talking about hunting—and we shall also talk
about the Primrose League and the foot-and-mouth disease and the
evolutions of the new High Church Vicar—we shall....”
But Michael threw a cushion at her, and the recitative came to an end.
They all three talked for a long while more seriously of plans for life
at Hardingham Hall.
“You know dear old Prescott requested me in his will that I would hyphen
his name on to mine, whether I were married or single,” said Stella. “So
we shall be Mr. and Mrs. Prescott-Merivale. Alan has been very good
about that, though I think he’s got a dim idea it’s putting on side.
Stella Prescott-Merivale or The Curse of the County! And when I play I’m
going to be Madame Merivale. I decline to be done out of the Madame! and
everybody will pronounce it Marivahleh and I shall receive the unanimous
encomia of the critical press.”
“Life will be rather a rag,” said Michael, with approbation.
“Of course it’s going to be simply wonderful. Can’t you see the
headlines? From Chopin to Sheep. Madame Merivale, the famous Virtuosa,
and her Flock of Barbary Long-tails.”
It was all so very remote from Neptune Crescent, Michael thought. They
really were going to be so ridiculously happy, these two, in their
country life. And now they were talking of finding him a house close to
Hardingham Hall. There must be just that small Georgian house, they
vowed, where with a large garden of stately walks and a
well-proportioned library of books he could stay in contented retreat.
They promised him, too, that beyond the tallest cedar on the lawn a
gazebo should command the widest, the greenest expanse of England ever
beheld.
“It would so add to our reputation in the county of Hunts,” said Stella,
“if you were near by. We should feel so utterly Augustan. And of course
you’d ride a nag. I’m not sure really that you wouldn’t have to wear
knee-breeches. I declare, Michael, that the very idea makes me feel like
Jane Austen, or do I mean Doctor Johnson?”
“I should make up your mind which,” Michael advised.
“But you know what I mean,” she persisted. “The doctor’s wife would
come in to tea and tell us that her husband had dug up a mummy or
whatever it was the Romans left about. And I should say, ‘We must ask my
brother about it. My brother, my dear Mrs. Jumble, will be sure to know.
My brother knows everything.’ And she would agree with a pursed-up
mouth. ‘Oh, pray do, my dear Mrs. Prescott-Merivale. Everyone says your
brother is a great scholar. It’s such a pleasure to have him at the
Lodge. So very distinguished, is it not?’”
“If you’re supposed to be imitating Jane Austen, I may as well tell you
at once that it’s not a bit like it.”
“But I think you ought to come and live near us,” Alan solemnly put in.
“Of course, my dear, he’s coming,” Stella declared.
“Of course I’m not,” Michael contradicted. But he was very glad they
wanted him; and then he thought with a pang how little they would want
him with Lily in that well-proportioned library. How little Lily would
enjoy the fat and placid Huntingdon meadows. How little, too, she would
care to see the blackbird swagger with twinkling rump by the shrubbery’s
edge or hear him scatter the leaves in shrill affright. In the quick
vision that came to him of a sleek lawn possessed by birds, Michael
experienced his first qualm about the wisdom of what he intended to do.
“And how about Michael’s wife?” Alan asked.
Michael looked quite startled by a query so coincident with his own.
“Oh, of course we shall find someone quite perfect for him,” Stella
confidently prophesied.
“No, really,” said Michael to hide his embarrassment. “I object.
Matchmaking ought not to begin during an engagement.”
Stella paid no heed to the protest, and she began to describe a
lady-love who should well become the surroundings in which she intended
to place him.
“I think rather a Quakerish person, don’t you, Alan? Rather neat and
tiny with a great sense of humor and....”
“In fact, an admirable sick nurse,” Michael interposed, laughing.
Soon he left them in the studio and went for a walk by the side of the
river, thinking, as he strolled in the shade of the plane-trees, how
naturally Stella would enter the sphere of English country life now that
by fortune the opportunity had been given to her of following in the
long line of her ancestors. That she would be able to do so seemed to
Michael an additional reason why he should consider less the security of
his own future, and he was vexed with himself for that fleeting
disloyalty to his task.
Michael stayed at 202 High for his Viva. He occupied Wedderburn’s old
white-paneled room, which he noted with relief was still sacred to the
tradition of a carefully chosen decorousness. The Viva was short and
irrelevant. He supposed he had obtained a comfortable third, and really
it seemed of the utmost unimportance in view of what a gulf now lay
between him and Oxford. However, he mustered enough interest to stay in
Cheyne Walk until the lists were out, and during those ten days he made
no attempt to find Lily.
Alan got a third in Greats and Michael a first in History. Michael’s
immediate emotion was of gladness that Alan had no reason now to feel
the disappointment. Then he began to wonder how on earth he had achieved
a first. Many letters of congratulation arrived; and one or two of the
St. Mary’s dons suggested he should try for a fellowship at All Souls.
The idea occupied his fancy a good deal, for it was attractive to have
anything so remote come suddenly within the region of feasibleness. He
would lose nothing by trying for it, and if he succeeded what a
congenial existence offered itself. With private means he would be able
to divide his time between Oxford and London. There would really be
nothing to mar the perfect amenity of the life that seemed to stretch
before him. Since he apparently had some talent (he certainly had not
worked hard enough to obtain a first without some talent) he would
prosecute the study of history. He would make himself famous in a select
sort of way. He would become the authority of a minor tributary to the
great stream of research. A set of very scholarly, very thorough works
would testify to his reputation. There were plenty of archaic problems
still to be solved. He cast a proprietary glance over the centuries, and
he had almost decided to devote himself to the service of Otto I and
Sylvester II, when in a moment the thought of Lily, sweeping as visibly
before his mind as the ghost in an Elizabethan play, made every kind of
research into the past seem a waste of resolution. He tore up the
congratulatory letters and decided to let the future wait a while. This
pursuit of Lily was a mad business, no doubt, but to come to grips with
the present called for a certain amount of madness.
Alan remonstrated with him, when he heard that he had no intention of
trying for All Souls.
“You are an extraordinary chap. You were always grumbling when you were
up that you didn’t know what you ought to do, and now when it’s
perfectly obvious you won’t make the slightest attempt to do it.”
“Used I to grumble?” asked Michael.
“Well, not exactly grumble. But you were always asking theoretical
questions which had no answer,” said Alan severely.
“What if I told you I’d found an answer to a great many of them?”
“Ever since I’ve been engaged to Stella you’ve found it necessary to be
very mysterious. What are you playing at, Michael?”
“It’s imaginable, don’t you think, that I might be making up my mind to
do something which I considered more vital for me than a fellowship at
All Souls?”
“But it seems so obvious after your easy first that you should clinch
it.”
“I tell you it was a fluke.”
“My third wasn’t a fluke,” said Alan. “I worked really hard for it.”
“Thirds and firsts are equally unimportant in the long run,” Michael
argued. “You have already fitted into your place with the most complete
exactitude. There’s no dimension in your future that can possibly
trouble you. Supposing I get this fellowship? It will either be too big
for me, in which case I shall have to be perpetually puffing out my
frills and furbelows to make a pretense of filling it, or it will be too
small, and I shall have to pare down my very soul in order to squeeze
into it most uncomfortably.”
“You’ll never do anything,” Alan prophesied. “Because you’ll always be
doubting.”
“I might get rid finally of that sense of insecurity,” Michael pointed
out. “With all doubts and hesitations I’m perfectly convinced of one
great factor in human life—the necessity to follow the impulse which
lies deeper than any reason. Reason is the enemy of civilization. Reason
carried to the nth power can always with absurd ease be debauched
by sentiment, and sentiment is mankind’s wretched little lament for
disobeying impulse. Women preserve this divinity because they are
irrational. The New Woman claims equality with man because she claims to
be as reasonable as men. She has fixed on voting for a Member of
Parliament as the medium to display her reasonableness. The franchise is
to be endowed with a sacramental significance. If the New Women win,
they will degrade themselves to the slavery of modern men. But of course
they won’t win, because God is so delightfully irrational. By the way,
it’s worth noting that the peculiar vestment with which popular fancy
has clothed the New Woman is called rational costume. You often hear of
‘rationals’ as a synonym for breeches. What was I saying? Oh, yes, about
God being irrational. You never know what he’ll do next. He is a
dreadful problem for rationalists. That’s why they have abolished him.”
“You’re confusing two different kinds of reason,” said Alan. “What you
call impulse—unless your impulse is mere madness—is what I might call
reason.”
“In that case I recommend you as a philosopher to set about the
reconstruction of your terminology. I’m not a philosopher, and therefore
I’ve given this vague generic name ‘impulse’ to something which
deserves, such a powerful and infallible and overmastering impetus does
it give to conduct, a very long name indeed.”
“But if you’re going through life depending on impulse,” Alan objected,
“you’ll be no better off than a weathercock. You can’t discount reason
in this way. You must admit that our judgments are modified by
experience.”
“The chief thing we learn from experience is to place upon it no
reliance whatever.”
“It’s no good arguing with you,” Alan said. “Because what you call
impulse I call reason, and what you call reason I call imperfect logic.”
“Alan, I can’t believe you only got a third. For really, you know, your
conversation is a model of the philosophic manner. Anyway, I’m not going
to try to be a Fellow of All Souls and you are going to be a country
squire. Let’s hold on to what certainties we can.”
Michael would have liked to lead him into a discussion of the problem
of evil, so that he might ascertain if Alan had ever felt the
intimations of evil which had haunted his own perceptions. However, he
thought he had tested to the utmost that third in Greats, and therefore
he refrained.
There was a discussion that evening about going away. August was already
in sight and arrangements must be made quickly to avoid the burden of it
in London. In the end, it was arranged that Mrs. Fane and Stella and
Alan should go to Scotland, where Michael promised to join them, if he
could get away from London.
“If you can get away!” Stella scoffed. “What rot you do talk.”
But Michael was not to be teased out of his determination to stay where
he was, and in three or four days he said good-bye to the others
northward bound, waving to them from the steps of 173 Cheyne Walk on
which already the August sun was casting a heavy heat untempered by the
stagnant sheen of the Thames.
That evening Michael went again to the Orient Promenade; but there was
no sign of Lily, and it seemed likely that she had gone away from London
for a while. After the performance he visited the Café d’Orange in
Leicester Square. He had never been there yet, but he had often noticed
the riotous exodus at half-past twelve, and he argued from the quality
of the frequenters who stood wrangling on the pavement that the Café
d’Orange would be a step lower than any of the night-resorts he had so
far attended. He scarcely expected to find Lily here. Indeed, he was
rather inclined to think that she was someone’s mistress and that
Drake’s view of her at the Orient did not argue necessarily that she had
yet sunk to the promiscuous livelihood of the Promenade.
Downstairs at the Café d’Orange was rather more like a corner of hell
than Michael had anticipated. The tobacco smoke which could not rise in
these subterranean airs hung in a blue murk round the gaudy hats and
vile faces, while from the roof the electric lamps shone dazzlingly down
and made a patchwork of light and shade and color. In a corner left by
the sweep of the stairs a quartet of unkempt musicians in seamy tunics
of beer-stained scarlet frogged with debilitated braid were grinding out
ragtime. The noisy tune in combination with the talking and laughter,
the chink of glasses and the shouted acknowledgments of the waiters made
such a din that Michael stood for a moment in confusion, debating the
possibility of one more person threading his way through the serried
tables to a seat.
There were three arched recesses at the opposite end of the room, and in
one of these he thought he could see a table with a vacant place. So
paying no heed to the women who hailed him on the way he moved across
and sat down. A waiter pounced upon him voraciously for orders, and soon
with an unrequited drink he was meditating upon the scene before him in
that state of curious tranquillity which was nearly always induced by
ceaseless circumfluent clamor. Sitting in this tunnel-shaped alcove, he
seemed to be in the box of a theater whence the actions and voices of
the contemplated company had the unreality of an operatic finale. After
a time the various groups and individuals were separated in his mind, so
that in their movements he began to take an easily transferred interest,
endowing them with pleasant or unpleasant characteristics in turn. Round
him in the alcove there were strange contrasts of behavior. At one table
four offensive youths were showing off with exaggerated laughter for the
benefit of nobody’s attention. Behind them in the crepuscule of two
broken lamps a leaden-lidded girl; ivory white and cloying the air with
her heavy perfume, was arguing in low passionate tones with a cold-eyed
listener who with a straw was tracing niggling hieroglyphics upon a
moist surface of cigarette-ash. In the deepest corner a girl with a high
complexion and bright eyes was making ardent love to a partially drunk
and bearded man, winking the while over her shoulder at whoever would
watch her comedy. The other places were filled by impersonal women who
sipped from their glasses without relish and stared disdainfully at each
other down their powdered noses. At Michael’s own table was a blotchy
man who alternately sucked his teeth and looked at his watch; and
immediately opposite sat a girl with a merry, audacious and somewhat
pale face of the Gallic type under a very large and round black hat
trimmed with daisies. She was twinkling at Michael, but he would not
catch her eye, and he looked steadily over the brim of her hat toward
the raffish and rutilant assemblage beyond. Along two sides of the wall
were large mirrors painted with flowers and bloated Naiads; here in
reflection the throng performed its antics in numberless reduplications.
Advertisements of drink decorated the rest of the space on the walls,
and at intervals hung notices warning ladies that they must not stay
longer than twenty minutes unless accompanied by a gentleman, that they
must not move to another table unless accompanied by a gentleman, and
with a final stroke of ironic propriety that they must not smoke unless
accompanied by a gentleman. The tawdry beer hall with its reek of
alcohol and fog of tobacco smoke, with its harborage of all the flotsam
of the underworld, must preserve a fiction of polite manners.
Michael was not allowed to maintain his attitude of disinterested
commentary, for the girl in the daisied hat presently addressed him, and
he did not wish to hurt her feelings by not replying.
“You’re very silent, kiddie,” she said. “I’ll give you a penny for
them.”
“I really wasn’t thinking about anything in particular,” said Michael.
“Will you have a drink?”
“Don’t mind if I do. Alphonse!” she shouted, tugging at the arm of the
overloaded waiter who was accomplishing his transit. “Bring me a hot
whisky-and-lemon. There’s a love.”
Alphonse made the slightest sign of having heard the request and passed
on. Michael held his breath while the girl was giving her order. He was
expecting every moment that the waiter would break over the alcove in a
fountain of glass.
“I’ve taken quite a fancy to whisky-and-lemon hot,” she informed
Michael. “You know. Anyone does, don’t they? Get a sudden fit and keep
on keeping on with one drink, I mean. This’ll be my sixth to-night. But
I’m a long way off being drunk, kiddie. Do you like my new hat? I reckon
it’ll bring me luck.”
“I expect it will,” Michael said.
“You are serious, aren’t you? When I first saw you I thought you was the
spitting image of a fellow I know—Bert Saunders, who writes about the
boxing matches for Crime Illustrated. He’s more of a bright-eyes than
you are, though.”
The whisky-and-lemon arrived, and she drank Michael’s health.
“Funny-tasting stuff when you come to think of it,” she said
meditatingly. “What’s your name, kiddie?”
He told her.
“Michael,” she repeated. “You’re a Jew, then?”
He shook his head.
“Well, kid, I suppose you know best, but Michael is a Jewish name, isn’t
it? Michael? Of course it is. I don’t mind Jew fellows myself. One or
two of them have been very good to me. My name’s Daisy Palmer.”
The conversation languished slightly, because Michael since his
encounter with Poppy at Neptune Crescent was determined to be very
cautious.
“You look rather French,” was his most audacious sally toward the
personal.
“Funny you should have said that, because my mother was a stewardess on
the Calais boat. She was Belgian herself.”
Again the conversation dropped.
“I’m waiting for a friend,” Daisy volunteered. “She’s been having a row
with her fellow, and she promised to come on down to the Orange and tell
me about it. Dolly Wearne is her name. She ought to have been here by
now. What’s the time, kid?”
It was after midnight, and Daisy began to look round anxiously.
“I’m rather worried over Doll,” she confided to Michael, “because this
fellow of hers, Hungarian Dave, is a proper little tyke when he turns
nasty. I said to Doll, I said to her, ‘Doll, that dirty rotter you’re so
soft over’ll swing for you before he’s done. Why don’t you leave him,’ I
said, ‘and come and live along with me for a bit?’”
“And what did she say?” Michael asked.
But there was no answer, for Daisy had caught sight of Dolly herself
coming down the stairs, and she was now hailing her excitedly.
“Oh, doesn’t she look shocking white,” exclaimed Daisy. “Doll!” she
shouted, waving to her. “Over here, duck.”
The four offensive youths near them in the alcove mimicked her in
exaggerated falsetto.
“—— to you,” she flung scornfully at them over her shoulder. There was
a savage directness, a simple coarseness in the phrase that pleased
Michael. It seemed to him that nothing except that could ever be said to
these young men. Whatever else might be urged against the Café
d’Orange, at least one was able to hear there a final verdict on
otherwise indescribable humanity.
By this time Dolly Wearne, a rather heavy girl with a long retreating
chin and flabby cheeks, had reached her friend’s side. She began
immediately a voluble tale:
“Oh, Daisy, I put it across him straight. I give you my word, I told him
off so as he could hardly look me in the face. ‘You call yourself a
man,’ I said, ‘why, you dirty little alien.’ That’s what I called him. I
did straight, ‘you dirty little——’”
“This is my friend,” interrupted Daisy, indicating Michael, who bowed.
It amused him to see how in the very middle of what was evidently going
to be a breathless and desperate story both the girls could remember the
convention of their profession.
“Pleased to meet you,” said Dolly, offering a black kid-gloved hand with
half-a-simper.
“What will you drink?” asked Michael.
“Mine’s a brandy and soda, please. ‘You dirty little alien,’ I said.”
Dolly was helter-skelter in the track of her tale again.
“Go on, did you? And what did he say?” asked Daisy admiringly.
“He never said nothing, my dear. What could he say?”
“That’s right,” nodded Daisy wisely.
“‘For two years,’ I said, ‘you’ve let a girl keep you,’ I said, ‘and
then you can go and give one of my rings to that Florrie. Let me get
hold of her,’ I said. ‘I’ll tear her eyes out.’ ‘No, you won’t, now
then,’ he said. ‘Won’t I? I will, then,’ and with that I just lost
control of my feelings, I felt that wild....”
“What did you do, Doll?” asked Daisy, plying her with brandy to soothe
the outraged memory.
“What did I do? Why, I spat in his tea and came straight off down to the
Orange. ‘Yes,’ I said, ‘you can sit drinking tea while you break my
heart.’ Don’t you ever go and have a fancy boy, Daise. Why, I was a
straight girl when I first knew him. Straight—well, anyway not on the
game like what I am now.” Here Dolly Wearne began to weep with bitter
self-compassion. “I’ve slaved for that fellow, and now he serves me like
dirt.”
“Go on. Don’t cry, duck,” Daisy begged. “Come home with me to-night and
we can send and fetch your things away to-morrow. I wouldn’t cry over
him,” she said fiercely. “There’s no fellow worth crying over. The best
of them isn’t worth crying over.”
The four offensive youths in the alcove began to mock Dolly’s tears, and
Michael, who was already bitten with some of the primitive pugnacity of
the underworld, rose to attack them.
“Sit down,” Daisy commanded. “I wouldn’t mess my hands, if I was you,
with such a pack of filth. Sit down, you stupid boy. You’ll get us all
into trouble.”
Michael managed by a great effort to resume his seat, but for a minute
or two he saw the beerhall through a mist of rage.
Gradually Dolly’s tears ceased to flow, and after another brandy she
became merely more abusive of the faithless Dave. Her cheeks swollen
with crying seemed flabbier than ever, and her long retreating chin
expressed a lugubrious misanthropy.
“Rotten, I call it, don’t you?” said the sympathetic Daisy, appealing to
Michael.
He agreed with a profound nod.
“And she’s been that good to him. You wouldn’t believe.”
Michael thought it was rather risky to embark upon an enumeration of
Dolly’s virtuous acts. He feared another relapse into noisy grief.
At this moment the subject of Daisy’s eulogy rose from her seat and
stared very dramatically at a corner of the main portion of the
beerhall.
“My God!” she said, with ominous calm.
“What is it, duck?” asked Daisy, anxiously peering.
“My God!” Daisy repeated intensely. Then suddenly she poured forth a
volley of obloquy, and with an hysterical scream caught up her glass
evidently intending to hurl it in the direction of her abuse. Daisy
seized one arm: Michael gripped the other, and together they pulled her
back into her chair. She was still screaming loudly, and the noise of
the beerhall, hitherto scattered and variable in pitch, concentrated in
a low murmur of interest. Round about them in the alcove the neighbors
began to listen: the girl who had been arguing so passionately with the
cold-eyed man stopped and stared; the partially drunk and bearded man
collapsed into a glassy indifference, while his charmer no longer winked
over her shoulder at the spectators of her wooing; the four offensive
youths gaped like landed trout; even the blotchy-faced man ceased to
look at his watch and confined himself to sucking steadily his teeth.
It seemed probable, Michael thought, that there was going to be rather a
nasty row. Dolly would not listen to persuasion from him or her friend.
She was going to attack that Florrie; she was going to mark that Florrie
for life with a glass; she was going to let her see if she could come it
over Doll Wearne. It would take more than Florrie to do that; yes, more
than half-a-dozen Florries, it would.
The manager of the Orange had been warned, and he was already edging his
way slowly toward the table. The friends of Florrie were using their
best efforts to remove her from the temptation to retaliate. Though she
declared loudly that nothing would make her quit the Orange, and
certainly that Dolly less than anybody, she did suffer herself to be
coaxed away.
Dolly, when she found her rival had retreated, burst into tears again
and was immediately surrounded by a crowd of inquisitive sympathizers,
which made her utterly hysterical. Michael, without knowing quite how it
had happened, found that he was involved in the fortunes and enmities
and friendships of a complete society. He found himself explaining to
several bystanders the wrong which Dolly had been compelled to endure at
the hands of Hungarian Dave. It was extraordinary how suddenly this
absurd intrigue of the underworld came to seem tremendously important.
He felt that all his sense of proportion was rapidly disappearing. In
the middle of an excited justification of Dolly’s tears he was aware
that he and his surroundings and his attitude were to himself
incredible. He was positively in a nightmare, and a prey to the
inconsequence of dreams. Or was all his life until this moment a dream,
and was this reality? One fact alone presented itself clearly, which was
the necessity to see the miserable Dolly safely through the rest of the
evening. He felt very reliant upon Daisy, who was behaving with
admirable composure, and when he asked her advice about the course of
action, he agreed at once with her that Dolly must be persuaded into a
cab and be allowed in Daisy’s rooms in Guilford Street a freedom of rage
and grief that was here, such was the propriety of the Orange, a very
imprudent display of emotion.
“She’ll be barred from coming down here,” said Daisy. “Come on, let’s
get her home.”
“Where’s that Florrie?” screamed Dolly.
“She’s gone home. So what’s the use in your carrying on so mad? The
manager’s got his eye on us, Doll. Come on, Doll, let’s get on home. I
tell you the manager’s looking at us. You are a silly girl.”
“—— the manager,” said Dolly obstinately. “Let him look.”
“Why don’t you come and see if you can find Florrie outside?” Daisy
suggested.
Dolly was moved by this proposal, and presently she agreed to vacate the
Orange, much to Michael’s relief, for he was expecting every moment to
see her attack the manager with the match-stand that was fretting her
fingers. As it happened, Daisy’s well-meant suggestion was very unlucky
because Hungarian Dave, the cause of all the bother, was standing on the
pavement close to the entrance.
Daisy whispered to Michael to get a cab quickly, because Hungarian Dave
was close at hand. He looked at him curiously, this degraded individual
in whose domestic affairs he was now so deeply involved. A very
objectionable creature he was, too, with his greasy hair and large red
mouth. His cap was pulled down over the eyes, and he may have wished not
to be seen; but an instinct for his presence made Dolly turn round, and
in a moment she was in the thick of the delight of telling him off for
the benefit of a crowd increasing with every epithet she flung. It was
useless now to attempt to get her away, and Michael and Daisy could only
drag her back when she seemed inclined to attack him with finger-nails
or hatpin.
“Get a cab,” cried Daisy. “Never mind what she says. Get a cab, and
we’ll put the silly thing into it and drive off. The coppers will be
here in a moment.”
Michael managed to hail a hansom immediately, but when he turned back to
the scene of the pavement the conditions of the dispute were entirely
changed. Hungarian Dave, infuriated or frightened, had knocked Dolly
down, and she was just staggering to her feet, when a policeman stepped
into the circle.
“Come on, move along,” he growled.
The bully had merged himself in the ring of onlookers, and Dolly, with a
cry of fury, flung herself in his direction.
“Stop that, will you?” the policeman said savagely, seizing her by the
arm.
“Go on, it’s a dirty shame,” cried Daisy. “Why don’t you take the fellow
as knocked her down?”
Michael by this time had forced his way through the crowd, rage beating
upon his brain like a great scarlet hammer.
“You infernal ass,” he shouted to the constable. “Haven’t you got the
sense to see that this woman was attacked first? Where is the blackguard
who did it?” he demanded of the stupid, the gross, the vilely curious
press of onlookers. No one came forward to support him, and Hungarian
Dave had slipped away.
“Move on, will you?” the policeman repeated.
“Damn you,” cried Michael. “Will you let go of that woman’s arm?”
The constable with a bovine density of purpose proceeded apparently to
arrest the wretched Dolly, and Michael maddened by his idiocy felt that
the only thing to do was to hit him as hard as he could. This he did.
The constable immediately blew his whistle. Other masses of inane bulk
loomed up, and Michael was barely able to control himself sufficiently
not to resist all the way to Vine Street, as two of them marched him
along, and four more followed with Daisy and Dolly. A spumy trail of
nocturnal loiterers clung to their wake.
Next morning Michael appeared before the magistrate. He listened to the
charge against him and nearly laughed aloud in court, because the whole
business so much resembled the trial in Alice in Wonderland. It was not
that the magistrate was quite so illogical as the King of Hearts; but he
was so obviously biassed in favor of the veracity of a London
policeman, that the inconsequence of the nightmare which had begun last
night was unalterably preserved. Michael, aware of the circumstances
which had led up to what was being made to appear as wantonly riotous
behavior in Leicester Square, could not fail to be exasperated by the
inability of the magistrate to understand his own straightforward story.
He began to sympathize with the lawless population. The law could only
seem to them an unintelligent machine for crushing their freedom. If the
conduct of this case were a specimen of administration, it was obvious
that arrest must be synonymous with condemnation. The magistrate in the
first place seemed dreadfully overcome by the sorrow of beholding a
young man in Michael’s position on the police-court.
“I cannot help wondering when I see a young man who has had every
opportunity ...” the magistrate went on in a voice that worked on the
stale air of the court like a rusty file.
“I’m not a defaulting bank clerk,” Michael interrupted. “Is it
impossible for you to understand——”
“Don’t speak to me like that. Keep quiet. I’ve never been spoken to like
that in all my experience as a magistrate. Keep quiet.”
Michael sighed in compassion for his age and stupidity.
“Are there any previous convictions against Wearne and Palmer?” the
magistrate inquired. He was told that the woman Palmer had not hitherto
appeared, but that Wearne had been previously fined for disorderly
conduct in Shaftesbury Avenue. “Ah!” said the magistrate. “Ah!” he
repeated, looking over the rim of his glasses. “And the case against the
male defendant? I will take the evidence of Constable C11254.”
“Your worship, I was on duty yesterday evening at 12.25 in Leicester
Square. Hearing a noise in the direction of the Caffy Dorringe and
observing a crowd collect, I moved across the road to disperse it. The
defendant Wearne was using obscene language to an unknown man; and
wishing to get her to move on I took hold of her arm. The male
defendant, also using very obscene language, attempted to rescue her and
struck me on the chest. I blew my whistle....”
The ponderous constable with his thick red neck continued a sing-song
narrative.
When Michael’s turn came to refute some of the evidence against him, he
merely shrugged his shoulders.
“It’s really useless, you know, for me to say anything. If ‘damn you’ is
obscene, then I was obscene. If a girl is knocked down by a bully and on
rising to her feet is instantly arrested by a dunderhead in a blue
uniform, and if an onlooker punches this functionary, then I did assault
the constable.”
“This sort of insolence won’t do,” said the magistrate trembling with a
curious rarefied passion. “I have a very good mind to send you to prison
without the option of a fine, but in consideration....”
Somehow or other it was made to appear a piece of extraordinary
magnanimity on the part of the magistrate that Michael was only fined
three guineas and costs.
“I wish to pay the fines of Miss Palmer and Miss Wearne,” he announced.
Later in the morning Michael, with the two girls, emerged into the
garish summer day. Not even yet was the illusion of a nightmare
dissipated, for as he looked at his two companions, feathered, frilled
and bedraggled, who were walking beside him, he could scarcely
acknowledge even their probable reality here in the sun.
“I shan’t drink hot whisky-and-lemon again in a hurry,” vowed Daisy. “I
knew it was going to bring me bad luck when I said it tasted so funny.”
“But you said your hat was going to be lucky,” Michael pointed out.
“Yes, I’ve been properly sucked in over that,” Daisy agreed.
“Nothing ever brings me luck,” grumbled Dolly resentfully.
As Michael looked at the long retreating chin and down-drawn mouth he
was inclined to agree that nothing could invigorate this fatal
mournfulness with the prospect of good fortune.
“I reckon I’ll go home and have a good lay down,” said Daisy. “Are you
going to have dinner with me?” she asked, turning to Dolly.
“Dinner?” echoed Dolly. “Nice time to talk to anyone about their dinner,
when they’ve got the sick like I have! Dinner!”
They had reached Piccadilly Circus by now, and Michael wondered if he
might not put them into a cab and send them back to Guilford Street. He
found it embarrassing when the people slowly turned away from Swan and
Edgar’s window to stare instead at him and his companions.
Daisy pressed him to come back with them, but he promised he would call
upon her very soon. Then he slipped into her hand the change from the
second five-pound note into which the law had broken.
“Is this for us?” she asked.
He nodded.
“You are a sport. Mind you come and see us. Come to tea. Doll’s going to
live with me a bit now, aren’t you, Doll?”
“I suppose so,” said Doll.
Michael really admired the hospitality which was willing to shelter
this lugubrious girl, and as he contemplated her, looking in the
sunlight like a moist handkerchief, he had a fleeting sympathy with
Hungarian Dave.
When the girls had driven off, Michael recovered his ordinary appearance
by visiting a barber and a hosier. The effect of the shampoo was almost
to make him incredulous of the night’s event, and he could not help
paying a visit to the Café d’Orange, to verify the alcove in which he
had sat. The entrance of the beerhall was closed, however, and he stood
for a moment like a person who passes a theater which the night before
he has seen glittering. As Michael was going out of the bar, he thought
he recognized a figure leaning over the counter. Yes, it was certainly
Meats. He went up and tapped him on the shoulder, addressing him by
name. Meats turned round with a start.
“Don’t you remember me?” asked Michael.
“Of course I do,” said Meats nervously. “But for the love of Jerusalem
drop calling me by that name. Here, let’s go outside.”
In the street Michael asked him why he had given up being Meats.
“Oh, a bit of trouble, a bit of trouble,” said Meats.
“You are a strange chap,” said Michael. “When I first met you it was
Brother Aloysius. Then it was Meats. Now——”
“Look here,” said Meats, “give over, will you? I’ve told you once. If
you call me that again I shall leave you. Barnes is what I am now. Now
don’t forget.”
“Come and have a drink, and tell me what you’ve been doing in the four
years since we met,” Michael suggested.
“B-a-r-n-e-s. Have you got it?”
Michael assured him that everything but Barnes as applicable to him had
vanished from his mind.
“Come on, then,” said Barnes. “We’ll go into the Afrique, upstairs.”
Michael fancied he had met Barnes this time in a reincarnation that was
causing him a good deal of uneasiness. He had lost the knowingness which
had belonged to Meats and the sheer lasciviousness which had seemed the
predominant quality of Brother Aloysius. Instead, sitting at the round
marble table opposite Michael saw an individual who resembled an actor
out of work in the lowest grades of his profession. There was the cheesy
complexion, and the over-fashioned suit of another season too much worn
and faded now to flaunt itself objectionably, but with its dismoded
exaggerations still conveying an air of rococo smartness; perhaps,
thought Michael, these signs had always been obvious and it had merely
been his own youth which had supposed a type to be an exception.
Certainly Barnes could not arouse now anything but a compassionate
amusement. How this figure with its grotesque indignity as of a puppet
temporarily put out of action testified to his own morbid heightening of
common things in the past. How incredible it seemed now that this Barnes
had once been able to work upon his soul with influential doctrine.
“What have you been doing with yourself?” Michael asked again.
“Oh, hopping and popping about. I’ve got the rats at present.”
“Where are you living?”
Barnes looked at Michael in suspicious astonishment. “What do you want
to know for?” he asked.
“Mere inquisitiveness,” Michael assured him. “You really needn’t treat
me like a detective, you know.”
“My mistake,” said Barnes. “But really, Fane. Let’s see, that is your
name? Thought it was. I don’t often forget a name. No, without swank,
Fane, I’ve been hounded off my legs lately. I’m living in Leppard
Street. Pimlico way.”
“I’d like to come and see you some time,” said Michael.
“Here, straight, what is your game?” Barnes could not conceal his
suspicion.
“Inquisitiveness,” Michael declared again. “Also I rather want a Sancho
Panza.”
“Oh, of course, any little thing I can do to oblige,” said Barnes very
sarcastically.
It took Michael a long time to convince him that no plot was looming,
but at last he persuaded him to come to 173 Cheyne Walk, and after that
he knew that Barnes could not refuse to show him Leppard Street.
While they were driving to Cheyne Walk, Michael extracted from Barnes an
outline of his adventures since last they had met. The present narrative
was probably not less cynical than the account of his life related to
Michael on various occasions in the past; but perhaps because his
imagination had already to some extent been fed by reality, he could no
longer be shocked. He received the most sordid avowals calmly, neither
blaming Barnes nor indulging himself with mental goose-flesh. Yet amid
all the frankness accorded to him he could not find out why Barnes had
changed his name. He was curious about this, because he could not
conceive any shamelessness too outrageous for Barnes to reveal. It would
be interesting to find out what could really make even him pause; no
doubt ultimately, with the contrariness of the underworld, it would turn
out to be something that Michael himself would consider trivial in
comparison with so much of what Barnes had boasted. Anyway, whether he
discovered the secret or not, it would certainly be interesting to study
Barnes, since in him good and evil might at any moment display
themselves as clearly as a hidden substance to a reagent flung into a
seething alembic. It might perhaps be assuming too much to say that
there was any good in him; and yet Michael was unwilling to suppose that
all his conversions were merely the base drugs of a disordered morality.
Apart from his philosophic value, Barnes might very actually be of
service in the machinery of finding Lily.
At 173 Cheyne Walk Barnes looked about him rather bitterly.
“Easy enough to behave yourself in a house like this,” he commented.
Here spoke the child who imagines that grown-up people have no excuse to
be anything but very good. There might be something worth pursuing in
that thought. A child might consider itself chained more inseverably
than one who apparently possesses the perfectiveness of free-will. Had
civilization complicated too unreasonably the problem of evil? It was a
commonplace to suppose that the sense of moral responsibility increased
with the opportunity of development, and yet after all was not the
reverse true?
“Why should it be easier to behave here than in Leppard Street?” Michael
asked. “I do wish you could understand it’s really so much more
difficult. I can’t distinguish what is wrong from what is right nearly
so well as you can.”
“Well, in my experience, and my experience has done its bit I can tell
you,” said Barnes in self-satisfied parenthesis. “In my experience most
of the difficulties in this world come from wanting something we haven’t
got. I don’t care what it is—a woman or a drink or a new suit of
clothes. Money’ll buy any of them. Give me ten pounds a week, and I
could be a bloody angel.”
“Supposing I offered you half as much for three months,” suggested
Michael. “Do you think you’d find life any easier while it lasted?”
“Well, don’t be silly,” said Barnes. “Of course I should. If you’d
walked home every night with your eyes on the gutter in case anybody had
dropped a threepenny bit, you’d think it was easier. It’s not a bit of
good your running me down, Fane. If you were me, you’d be just the same.
Those monks at the Abbey used to jaw about holy poverty. The man who
first said that ought to be walking about hell with donkey’s ears on his
nob. What’s it done for me? I ask you. Why, it’s made me so that I’d
steal a farthing from one blind man to palm it off as half-a-quid on
another.”
“Tell me about Leppard Street,” said Michael, laughing. “What’s it
like?”
“Well, you go and punch a few holes in a cheese rind. That’s what it
looks like. And then go and think yourself a rat who’s lost all his
teeth, and you’ve got what it feels like to be living in it.”
“Supposing I said I’d like to try?” asked Michael. “What would you
think?”
“Think? I shouldn’t think two seconds. I should know you were having a
game. What good’s Leppard Street to you, when you can sit here bouncing
up and down all day on cushions?”
“Experience,” said Michael.
“Oh, rats! Nothing’s experience that you haven’t had to do.”
“Well, I’ll give you five pounds a week,” Michael offered, “if you’ll
keep yourself free to do anything I want you to do. I shouldn’t want
anything very dreadful, of course,” he added.
It was difficult for Michael to persuade Barnes that he was in earnest,
so difficult indeed that, even when he produced five sovereigns and
offered them directly to him, he had to disclose partially his reason
for wishing to go to Leppard Street.
“You see, I want to find a girl,” he explained.
“Well, if you go and live in Leppard Street you’ll lose the best girl
you’ve got straight off. That’s all there is to it.”
“You don’t understand. This girl I used to know has gone wrong, and I
want to find her and marry her.”
It seemed to Michael that Barnes’ manner changed in some scarcely
definable way when he made this announcement. He pocketed the five
pounds and invited Michael to come to Leppard Street whenever he liked.
He was evidently no longer suspicious of his sincerity, and a perky, an
almost cunning cordiality had replaced the disheartened cynicism of his
former attitude. It encouraged Michael to see how obviously his resolve
had impressed Barnes. He accepted it as an augury of good hap.
Involuntarily he waited for his praise; and when Barnes made no allusion
to the merit of his action, he ascribed his silence to emotion. This was
proving really a most delightful example of the truth of his theory. And
it was clever of Barnes—it was more than clever, it was truly
imaginative of him—to realize without another question the need to
leave for a while Cheyne Walk.
“But is there a vacant room?” Michael asked in sudden dread of
disappointment.
“Look here, you’d better see the place before you decide on leaving
here,” Barnes advised. “It isn’t a cross between Buckingham Palace and
the Carlton, you know.”
“I suppose it’s the name that attracts me,” said Michael. “It sounds
ferocious.”
“I don’t know about the name, but old Ma Cleghorne who keeps the house
is ferocious enough. Never mind.” He jingled the five sovereigns.
“I’ll go up and pack,” said Michael. “By the way, I haven’t told you yet
that I was run in last night.”
“In quod you mean?” asked Barnes. “Whatever for?”
“Drunk and disorderly in Leicester Square.”
“These coppers are the limit,” said Barnes emphatically. “The absolute
limit. Really. They’ll pinch the Archbishop of Canterbury for looking
into Stagg and Mantle’s window before we know where we are.”
Michael left Barnes in the drawing-room, and as he turned in the doorway
to see if he was at his ease, he thought the visitor and the macaw on
its perch were about equally exotic.
They started immediately after lunch and, as always, the drive along the
river inspired Michael with a jolly conception of the adventurousness of
London. It was impossible to hear the gurgle of the high spring-tide
without exulting in the movement of the stream that was washing out with
its flood all the listlessness of the hot August afternoon. When Chelsea
Bridge was left behind, the mystery of the banks of a great river
sweeping through a great city began to be more evident. The whole
character of the Embankment changed at every hundred yards. First there
was that somber canal which, flowing under the road straight from the
Thames, reappeared between a cañon of gloomy houses and vanished again
underground not very unlike the Styx. Then came what was apparently a
large private house which had been gutted of the tokens of humanity and
filled with monstrous wheels and cylinders and pistons, all moving
perpetually and slowly with a curious absence of noise. Under Grosvenor
Road Bridge they went, the horse clattering forward and a train crashing
overhead. Out again from slimy bricks and girders dripping with the
excrement of railway-engines, they came into Grosvenor Road. They passed
the first habitations of Pimlico, two or three terraces and isolated
houses all different in character. There could scarcely be another road
in London so varied as this. Maurice had been wise to have his studio in
Grosvenor Road. From the Houses of Parliament to Chelsea Bridge was an
epitome of London.
The hansom turned to the left up Clapperton Street, a very wide
thoroughfare of houses with heavy porticoes, a very wide and very gray
street, of a gray that almost achieved the effect of positive color, so
insistent was it. Michael remembered that there had been a Clapperton
Street murder, and he wondered behind which of those muslin curtains the
poison had been mixed. It was a street of quite extraordinarily sinister
respectableness. It brooded with a mediocre prosperity, very wide and
very gray and very silent. The columns of the porticoes were checked off
by the window of the cab with dull regularity, and the noise of the
horse’s hoofs echoed hollowly down the empty street, to which every
evening men with black shiny bags would come hurrying home. It was
impossible to imagine a nursemaid lolling over a perambulator in
Clapperton Street. It was impossible to imagine that anyone lived here
but dried-up little men with greenish-white complexions and
hatchet-shaped whiskers and gnawed mustaches, dried-up little men whose
wives kept arsenic in small triangular cupboards by the bed.
“I wouldn’t mind having lodgings here,” said Barnes. He had caught sight
of a square of cardboard at the farther end of the street. This was the
outpost of an array of apartment cards, for the next street was full of
them. The next street was evidently a little nearer to the period of
final dilapidation; but Michael fancied that, in comparison with the
middle-aged respectableness of Clapperton Street, this older and now
very swiftly decaying warren of second-rate apartments was almost
attractive. Street followed street, each one, as they drew nearer to
Victoria Station, being a little more raffish than its predecessor, each
one being a little less able to resist the corrosion of a persistently
inquinating migration. Sometimes, and with a sharp effect of contrast,
occurred prosperous squares; but even these, with their houses so
uniformly tall and ocherous, delivered a presage of irremediable
decadency.
Suddenly the long ranks of houses, which were beginning to seem
endless, vanished upon the margin of a lake of railway lines. Just
before the hansom would have mounted the slope of an arcuated bridge, it
swung to the right into Leppard Street, S.W. The beginning of the street
ran between two high brown walls crowned with a ruching of broken glass:
these guarded on one side the escarp of the railway, on the other a coal
yard. At the farther end the street swept round to an exit between two
rows of squalid dwellings called Greenarbor Court, an exit, however,
that was barred to vehicles by a row of blistered posts. Some fifty
yards before this the wall deviated to form a recess in which five very
tall houses rose gauntly against the sky from the very edge of the
embankment. Standing as they did upon a sort of bluff and flanked on
either side by blind walls, these habitations gave an impression of
quite exceptional height. This was emphasized by the narrow oblong
windows of which there may have been nearly fifty. The houses were built
of the same brick as the walls, and they had deepened from yellow to the
same fuscous hue. This promontory seemed to serve as an appendix for the
draff of the neighborhood’s rubbish. The ribs of an umbrella; a child’s
boot; a broken sieve; rags of faded color, lay here in the gutter
undisturbed, the jetsam of a deserted beach.
“Here we are,” said Barnes. “Here’s Leppard Street that you’ve been so
anxious to see.”
“It looks rather exciting,” Michael commented.
“Oh, it’s the last act of a Drury Lane melodrama I don’t think.
Exciting?” Barnes repeated. “You know, Fane, there’s something wrong
with you. If you think this is exciting, you’d go raving mad when I
showed you some of the places where I’ve lived. Well, here we are,
anyhow. Number One—the corner house.”
They walked up the steps which were gradually scaling in widening
ulcers of decay: the handle of the bell-pull hung limply forward like a
parched tongue: and the iron railings of a basement strewn with potato
parings were flaked with rust, and here and there decapitated.
Barnes opened the door.
“We’ll take your bag up to my room first, and then we’ll go downstairs
and talk to Ma Cleghorne about your room, that is if you don’t change
your mind when you’ve seen the inside.”
Michael had no time to notice Barnes’ room very much. But vaguely he saw
a rickety bed with a patchwork counterpane and frowzy recesses masked by
cheap cretonnes in a pattern of disemboweled black and crimson fruits.
After that glimpse they went down again over the grayish staircarpet
that was worn to the very filaments. Barnes shouted to the landlady in
the basement.
“She’ll have a fit if she hears me calling down to her,” he said to
Michael. “You see, just lately I’ve been very anxious to avoid meeting
her.”
He jingled with satisfaction the sovereigns in his pocket.
They descended into the gloom that smelt of damp cloths and the stale
soapiness of a sink. They peeped into the front room, as they went by:
here a man in shirt-sleeves was lying under the scattered sheets of a
Sunday paper upon a bed that gave an effect of almost oriental luxury,
so much was it overloaded with mattresses and coverlets. Indeed; the
whole room seemed clogged with woolly stuffs, and the partial twilight
of its subterranean position added to the impression of airlessness. It
was as if these quilted chairs and heavy hairy curtains had suffocated
everything else.
“That’s Cleghorne,” said Barnes. “I reckon he’d sleep Rip van Winkle
barmy.”
“What’s he do?” whispered Michael, as they turned down the passage.
“He snores for a living, he does,” said Barnes.
They entered the kitchen, and through the dim light Michael saw the
landlady with her arms plunged into a steaming cauldron. Outside, two
trains roared past in contrary directions; the utensils shivered and
chinked; the ceiling was obscured by pendulous garments which exhaled a
moist odorousness; on the table a chine of bacon striated by the
carving-knife was black with heavy-winged flies.
“I’ve brought a new lodger, Mrs. Cleghorne,” said Barnes.
“Have you brought your five weeks’ rent owing?” she asked sourly.
He laid two pounds on the table, and Mrs. Cleghorne immediately cheered
up, if so positive an expression could be applied to a woman whose
angularities seemed to forbid any display of good-will. Michael thought
she looked rather like one of the withered nettles that overhung the
wall of the sunken yard outside the kitchen window.
“Well, he can have the top-floor back, or he can have the double rooms
on the ground floor which of course is unfurnished. Do you want me to
come up and show you?”
She inquired grudgingly and rubbed the palm of her hand slowly along her
sharp nose as if to express a doubtful willingness.
“Perhaps Mr. Cleghorne ...” Michael began.
“Mis-ter Cleghorne!” she interrupted scornfully, and immediately she
began to dry her arms vigorously on a roller-towel which creaked
continuously.
“Oh, I don’t want to disturb him,” said Michael.
“Disturb him!” she sneered. “Why, half Bedlam could drive through his
brains in a omnibus before he’d move a little finger to trouble hisself.
Yes,” she shouted, “Yes!” Her voice mingling with the creak of the
roller seemed to be grating the air itself, and with every word it grew
more strident. “Why, the blessed house might burn before he’d even put
on his boots, let alone go and show anyone upstairs, though his wife can
work herself to the bone for him. Disturb him! Good job if anyone could
disturb him. If I found a regiment of soldiers in the larder, he’d only
grunt. Asthmatic! Yes, some people ’ud be very pleased to be asthmatic,
if they could lie snorting on a bed from morning to night.”
Mrs. Cleghorne’s hands were dry now, and she led the way along the
passage upstairs, sniffing as she passed her crapulous husband. She
unlocked the door of the ground-floor rooms, and they entered. It was
not an inspiring lodging as seen thus in its emptiness, with drifts of
fluff along the bare dusty boards. The unblacked grate contained some
dried-up bits of orange peel; with the last summons of the late tenant
the bellrope had broken, and it now lay invertebrate; by the window,
catching a shaft of sunlight, stood a drain pipe painted with a
landscape in cobalt-blue and probably once used as an umbrella stand.
“That’s all I got for two months’ rent,” said Mrs. Cleghorne bitterly,
surveying it. “And it’s just about fit for my old man to go and bury his
good-for-nothing lazy head in, and that’s all. The bedroom’s in here, of
course.” She opened the folding doors whose blebs of paint had been
picked off up to a certain height above the floor, possibly as far as
some child had been able to reach.
The bedroom was rather dustier than the sitting-room, and it was much
darker owing to a number of ferns which had been glued upon the
window-panes. Through this mesh could be seen the nettle-haunted square
of back garden; and beyond, over a stucco wall pocked with small
pebbles, a column of smoke was belching into the sky from a stationary
engine on the invisible lake of railway lines.
“Do you want to see the top-floor back?” Mrs. Cleghorne asked.
“Well, if you wouldn’t mind.” Michael felt bound to apologize to her,
whatever was suggested.
She sighed her way upstairs, and at last flung open a door for them to
enter the vacant room.
The view from here was certainly more spacious, and a great deal of the
permeating depression was lightened by looking out as it were over
another city across the railway, a city with streamers of smoke, and
even here and there a flag flying. At the same time the room itself was
less potentially endurable than the ground-floor; there was no fireplace
and the few scraps of furniture were more discouraging than the positive
emptiness downstairs. Michael shuddered as he looked at the gimcrack
washstand through whose scanty paint the original wood was visible in
long fibrous sores. He shuddered, too, at the bedstead with its pleated
iron laths furred by dust and rust, and at the red mattress exuding
flock like clustered maggots.
“This is furnished, of course,” said Mrs. Cleghorne, complacently
sucking a tooth. “Well, which will you have?”
“I think perhaps I’ll take the ground-floor rooms. I’ll have them done
up.”
“Oh, they’re quite clean. The last people was a bit dirty. So I gave
them an extra-special clear-out.”
“But you wouldn’t object to my doing them up?” persisted Michael.
“Oh, no, I shouldn’t object,” said Mrs. Cleghorne, and in her accent
was the suggestion that equally she would not be likely to derive very
much pleasure from the fruition of Michael’s proposal.
They were going downstairs again now, and Mrs. Cleghorne was evidently
beginning to acquire a conviction of her own importance, because
somebody had contemplated with a certain amount of interest those two
empty rooms on the ground floor; in the gratification of her pride she
was endowing them with a value and a character they did not possess.
“I’ve always said that, properly cared for, those two rooms are worth
any other two rooms in the house. And of course that’s the reason I’m
really compelled to charge a bit more for them. I always say to everyone
right out—if you want the two best rooms in the house, why, you must
pay according. They’re only empty now because I’ve always been
particular about letting them. I won’t have anybody, and that’s a fact.
Mr. Barnes here knows I’m really fond of those rooms.”
They had reentered them, and Mrs. Cleghorne stood with arms admiringly
akimbo.
“They really are a beautiful lodging,” she declared. “When would you
want them from?”
“Well, as soon as I can get them done up,” said Michael.
“I see. Perhaps you could explain a little more clearly just what you
was thinking of doing?”
Michael gave some of his theories of decoration, while Mrs. Cleghorne
waited in critical audience; as it were, feeling the pulse of the
apartments under the stimulus of Michael’s sketch of their potentiality.
“All white?” the landlady echoed pessimistically. “That sounds very
gloomy, doesn’t it? More like a outhouse or a coal-cellar than a nice
couple of rooms.”
“Well, they couldn’t look rottener than what they do at present,” Barnes
put in. “So if you take my advice, you’ll say ‘yes’ and be very
thankful. They’ll look clean, anyway.”
The landlady threw back her head and surveyed Barnes like a snake about
to strike.
“Rotten?” she sniffed. “I’m sure this gentleman here isn’t likely to
find a nicer and cheaper pair of rooms or a more convenient and a
quieter pair of rooms anywhere in Pimlico. A lot of people is very
anxious to be in this neighborhood.”
Mrs. Cleghorne was much offended by Barnes’ criticism, and there was a
long period of dubiety before it was settled that Michael should be
accepted as a tenant.
“I’ve never cared for white,” she said, in final protest. “Not since I
was married.”
Reminded of Mr. Cleghorne’s existence in the basement, she hurried
forthwith to rout him out. As she disappeared, Michael saw that she was
searching in the musty folds of her skirt in order to deposit in her
purse the month’s rent he had paid in advance.
A couple of weeks passed while the decorators worked hard; and Michael
returned from an unwilling visit to Scotland to find them ready for him.
He got together a certain amount of furniture, and toward the end of
August he moved into Leppard Street.
Barnes on account of the prosperity which had come to him through
Michael’s money had managed to dress himself in a series of outrageously
new and fashionable suits, and on the afternoon of his patron’s arrival
he strutted about the apartments.
“Very nice,” he said. “Very nice, indeed. I reckon old Ma Cleghorne
ought to be very pleased with herself. Some of these pictures are a bit
too religious for me just at present, but everyone to their own taste,
that’s what I always say. To their own taste,” he repeated. “Otherwise,
what’s the good in being given an opinion of your own?”
Michael felt it was time to explain to Barnes more particularly his
quest of Lily.
“You don’t know a girl called Lily Haden?” he asked.
“Lily Haden,” said Barnes thoughtfully. “Lily Hopkins. A great fat girl
with red....”
“No, no,” Michael interrupted. “Lily Haden. Tall. Slim. Very fair hair.
Of course she may have another name now.”
“That’s it, you see,” said Barnes wisely.
“Wherever she is, whatever she’s doing, I must find her,” Michael went
on.
“Well, if you go about it in that spirit, you’ll soon find her,” Barnes
prophesied.
Michael looked at him sharply. He thought he noticed in Barnes’ manner a
suggestion of humoring him. He rather resented the way in which Barnes
seemed to encourage him as one might encourage a child.
“You understand I want to marry her?” Michael asked fiercely.
“That’s all right, old chap. I’m not trying to stop you, am I?”
“But why are you talking as if I weren’t in earnest?” Michael demanded.
“When I first told you about it you were evidently very pleased, and now
you’ve got a sneer which frankly I tell you I find extraordinarily
objectionable.”
Barnes looked much alarmed by Michael’s sudden attack, and explained
that he meant nothing by his remarks beyond a bit of fun.
“Is it funny to marry somebody?” Michael demanded.
“Sometimes it’s very funny to marry a tart,” said Barnes.
Michael flushed. This was a directness of speech for which he was not
prepared.
“But when I first told you,” Michael said, “you seemed very pleased.”
“I was very pleased to find I’d evidently struck a nice-mannered
lunatic,” said Barnes. “You offered me five quid a week, didn’t you?
Well, you didn’t offer me that to give you good advice, now did you?”
Michael tried to conceal the mortification that was being inflicted
upon him. He had been very near to making a fool of himself by supposing
that his announcement had aroused admiration. Instead of admiring him,
Barnes evidently regarded him as an idiot whom it were politic to
encourage on account of the money this idiot could provide. It was an
humiliating discovery. The chivalry on which he congratulated himself
had not touched a single chord in Barnes. Was it likely that in Lily
herself he would find someone more responsive to what he still
obstinately maintained to himself was really rather a fine impulse?
Michael began to feel half sorry for Barnes because he could not
appreciate nobility of motive. It began to seem worth while trying to
impose upon him the appreciation which he felt he owed. Michael was
sorry for his uncultivated ideals, and he took a certain amount of
pleasure in the thought of how much Barnes might benefit from a close
association with himself. He did not regret the whim which had brought
them to Leppard Street. Whatever else might happen, it would always be
consoling to think that he would be helping Barnes. In half a dream
Michael began to build up the vision of a newer and a finer Barnes, a
Barnes with sensitiveness and decent instincts, a Barnes who would
forsake very willingly the sordid existence he had hitherto led in order
to rise under Michael’s guidance and help to a wider and better life.
Michael suddenly experienced a sense of affection for Barnes, the
affection of the missionary for the prospective convert. He forgave him
his cynical acceptance of the five pounds a week, and he made up his
mind not to refer to Lily again until Barnes should be able to esteem at
its true value the step he proposed to take.
Michael looked round at the new rooms he had succeeded in creating out
of the ground floor of 1 Leppard Street. These novel surroundings would
surely be strong enough to make the first impression upon Barnes. He
could not fail to be influenced by this whiteness and cleanliness, so
much more white and clean where everything else was dingy and vile. It
was all so spare and simple that it surely must produce an effect.
Barnes would see him living every day in perfect contentment with a few
books and a few pictures. He must admire those cherry-red curtains and
those green shelves. He must respect the cloistral air Michael had
managed to import even into this warren of queer inhabitants whom as yet
he had scarcely seen. It was romantic to come like this into a small
secluded world which did not know him; to bring like this a fresh
atmosphere into a melancholy street of human beings who lived
perpetually in a social twilight. Michael’s missionary affection began
to extend beyond Barnes and to embrace all the people in this house. He
felt a great fondness for them, a great desire to identify himself with
their aspirations, so that they would be glad to think he was living in
their midst. He began to feel very poignantly that his own existence
hitherto had been disgracefully unprofitable both to himself and
everybody else. He was grateful that destiny had brought him here to
fulfill what was plainly a purpose. But what did fate intend should be
his effect upon these people? To what was he to lead them? Michael had
an impulse to kneel down and pray for knowledge. He wished that Barnes
were not in this white room. Otherwise he would surely have knelt down,
and in the peace of the afternoon sunlight he might have resigned
himself to a condition of spirit he had coveted in vain for a very long
time.
Just then there was a tap at the door, and a middle-aged man with
blinking watery eyes and a green plush smoking-cap peeped round the
corner.
“Come in,” Michael cheerfully invited him.
The stranger entered in a slipshod hesitant manner. He looked as if all
his clothes were on the verge of coming off, so much like a frayed
accordion did his trousers rest upon the carpet slippers; so wide a
space of shirt was visible between the top of the trousers and the
bottom of the waistcoat; so utterly amorphous was his gray alpaca coat.
“What I really came down for was a match,” the stranger explained.
Michael offered him a box, and with fumbling hands he stored it away in
one of his pockets.
“You don’t go in for puzzles, I suppose?” he asked tentatively. “But any
time I can help. I’m the Solutionist, you know. Don’t let me keep you.
Good afternoon, Mr. Barnes. I’m worrying out this week’s lot in The
Golden Penny very slowly. I’ve really had a sort of a headache the last
few days—a very nasty headache. Do you know anything about cricketers?”
he asked, turning to Michael. “Famous cricketers, of course, that is?
For instance, I cannot think what this one can be.”
He produced after much uncertainty a torn and dirty sheet of some penny
weekly.
“I’ve got all the others,” he said to Michael. “But one picture will
often stump you like this. No joke intended.” He smiled feebly and
pointed to a woman holding in one hand the letter S, in the other the
letter T.
“What about Hirst?” Michael asked.
“Hirst,” repeated the Solutionist. “Her S T. That’s it. That’s it.” In
his excitement he began to dribble. “I’m very much obliged to you, sir.
Her S. T. Yes, that’s it.”
He began to shuffle toward the door.
“Anything you want solved at any time,” he said to Michael. “I’m only
just upstairs, you know, in the room next to Mr. Barnes. I shall be most
delighted to solve anything—anything!”
He vanished, and Michael smiled to think how completely some of his
problems would puzzle the Solutionist.
“What’s his name?” he inquired of Barnes.
“Who? Barmy Sid? Sydney Carvel, as he calls himself. Yet he makes a
living at it.”
“At what?” Michael asked.
“Solving those puzzles and sending solutions at so much a time. He took
fifteen-and-six last week, or so he told me. You can see his
advertisement in Reynolds. Barmy Sid I call him. He says he used to be a
conjurer and take his ten pounds a week easily. But he looks to me more
like one of these here soft fellows who ought to be shut up. You should
see his room. All stuck over with bits of paper. Regular dust-hole,
that’s what it is. Did you hear what he said? Solve anything—anything!
He hasn’t solved how to earn more than ten bob a week, year in year out.
Silly——! That’s what he is, barmy.”
Michael’s hope of entering into a close relation with all the lodgers of
1 Leppard Street was falsified. None of them except Barmy Sid once
visited his rooms; nor did he find it at all easy to strike up even a
staircase acquaintance. Vaguely he became aware of the various
personalities that lurked behind the four stories of long narrow
windows. Yet so fleeting was the population that the almost weekly
arrivals and departures perpetually disorganized his attempts to observe
them as individuals or to theorize upon them in the mass. No doubt
Barnes himself would have left by now, had he not been sustained by
Michael’s subsidy; and it was always a great perplexity to Michael how
Mrs. Cleghorne managed to pay the rent, since apparently half the
inquilines of a night and even some of the less transient lodgers
ultimately escaped owing her money.
It was a silent and a dreary house, and although children would
doubtless have been a nuisance, Michael sometimes wished that the
landlady’s strict regulation no longer to take them in could be relaxed.
All the five houses of Leppard Street seemed to be untenanted by
children, which certainly added a touch to their decrepitude. In
Greenarbor Court close at hand the pavements writhed with children, and
occasionally small predatory bands advanced as far as Leppard Street to
play in a half-hearted manner with some of the less unpromising rubbish
that was moldering there. On the steps of Number Three, two pale little
girls in stammel petticoats used to sit for hours over a grocer’s shop
of grit and waste paper and refined mud. They apparently belonged to the
basement of Number Three, for Michael often saw them disappear below at
twilight. Michael thought of the children who swarmed above the walls of
the embankment before Paddington Station, and he wondered what sort of a
desolate appearance these five houses must present for voyagers to and
from Victoria. They must surely stand up very forbidding in abandonment
to those who were traveling back to their cherished dolls-houses in
Dulwich. From his bedroom window he could not actually see the trains,
but always he could hear their shrieking and their clangor, and he
looked almost with apprehension at St. Ursula in her high serene
four-poster reposing tranquilly upon the white wall. Nothing except the
trains could vex her sleep; for in this house was a perpetual silence.
Even when Mrs. Cleghorne was vociferously arguing with her husband, the
noise of her rage down in the basement among the quilts and coverlets
never penetrated beyond the door at the head of the inclosing staircase,
save in sounds of fury greatly minified. So silent was the house that
had it not been for the variety of the smells, Michael might easily have
supposed that it really was empty and that life here was indeed an
illusion. The smells, however, of onions or hot blankets or machine-oil
or tom-cats or dirty bicycles proclaimed emphatically that a community
shared these ascending mustard-colored walls, that human beings passed
along the stale landings to frowst behind those finger-stained doors of
salmon-pink. Sometimes, too, Michael emerging into the passage from his
room would hear from dingy altitudes descend the noise of a door
hurriedly slammed; and sometimes he would see go down the ulcerous steps
in front of the house depressing women in black, or unshaven men with
the debtor’s wary and furtive eye. The only lodgers who seemed to be
permanent were Barnes and Carvel the Solutionist. Barnes on the strength
of Michael’s allowance used to go up West, as he described it, every
night. He used to assure Michael, when toward two o’clock of the next
afternoon he extracted himself from bed, that he devoted himself with
the greatest pertinacity to obtaining definite news of Lily Haden. The
Solutionist occasionally visited Michael with a draggled piece of
newspaper, and often he was visible in the garden attending to a couple
of Belgian hares who lived in a packing-case marked Fragile among the
nettles of the back-yard.
After he had spent a week or so in absorbing the atmosphere of Leppard
Street, Michael felt it was time for him to move forth again at any rate
into that underworld whose gaiety, however tawdry and feverish, would be
welcome after this turbid backwater. There was here the danger of being
drugged by the miasma that rose from this unreflecting surface. He felt
inclined to renew his acquaintance with Daisy Palmer, and to hear from
her the sequel to the affair of Dolly Wearne and Hungarian Dave. He
found her card with the Guilford Street address and went over to
Bloomsbury, hoping to find her in to tea. The landlady looked surprised
when he inquired for Miss Palmer.
“Oh, she’s been gone this fortnight,” the woman informed him. Michael
asked where she was living now.
“I don’t know, I’m sure,” said the landlady, and as she was already
slowly and very unpleasantly closing the door, Michael came away a
little disconsolate. These abrupt dematerializations of the underworld
were really very difficult to grapple with. It gave him a sense of the
futility of his search for Lily (though lately he had prosecuted it
somewhat lazily) when girls, who a month ago offered what was presumably
a permanent address, could have vanished completely a fortnight later.
Perhaps Daisy would be at the Orange. He would take Barnes with him this
evening and ask his opinion of her and Dolly and Hungarian Dave.
The beerhall downstairs looked exactly the same as when he had visited
it a month ago. Michael could sympathize with the affection such places
roused in the hearts of their frequenters. There was a great deal to be
said for an institution that could present, day in, day out, a steady
aspect to a society whose life was spent in such extremes of elation and
despair, of prosperity and wretchedness, and whose actual lodging was
liable to be changed at any moment for better or worse.
“Not a bad place, is it?” said Barnes, looking round in critical
approval at the prostitutes and bullies hoarded round the tables puddly
with the overflow of mineral waters and froth of beer.
“You really like it?” Michael asked.
“Oh, it’s cheerful,” said Barnes. “And that’s something nowadays.”
Michael perceived Daisy before they were halfway across the room. He
greeted her with particular friendliness as an individual among these
hard-eyed constellations.
“Hulloa!” she cried. “Wherever have you been all this time?”
“I called at Guilford Street, but you were gone.”
“Oh, yes. I left there. I couldn’t stand the woman there any longer. Sit
down. Who’s your friend?”
Michael brought Barnes into the conversation, and suggested moving into
one of the alcoves where it was easier to talk.
“No, come on, sit down here. Fritz won’t like it, if we move.”
Michael looked round for the protector, and she laughed.
“You silly thing! Fritz is the waiter.”
Michael presently grew accustomed to being jogged in the back by
everyone who passed, and so powerful was the personality of the Orange
that very soon he, like the rest of the crowd, was able to discuss
private affairs without paying any heed to the solitary smoking
listeners around.
“Where’s Dolly?” he asked.
“Oh, I had to get rid of her very sharp,” said Daisy. “She served me a
very nasty trick after I’d been so good to her. Besides, I’ve taken up
with a fellow. Bert Saunders. He does the boxing for Crime Illustrated.”
“You told me I was like him,” Michael reminded her.
“That’s right. I remember now. I’m living down off Judd Street in a
flat. Why don’t you come round and see me there?”
“I will,” Michael promised.
“Wasn’t Bert Saunders the fellow who was keeping Kitty Metcalfe?” asked
Barnes.
“That’s right. Only he gave her the push after she hit Maudie Clive over
the head with a port-wine glass in the Half Moon upstairs.”
“I knew Kitty,” said Barnes, shaking his head to imply that acquaintance
with Kitty had involved a wider experience than fell to most men.
“What’s happened to her?”
“Oh, Gard, don’t ask me,” said Daisy. “She’s got in with a fellow who
kept a fried-fish place in the Caledonian Road, and I’ve never even seen
her since.”
“And what’s happened to Dolly?” asked Michael.
“Oh, good job if that love-boy of hers does punch into her. Silly cow!
She ought to know better. Fancy going off as soft as you like with that
big-mouthed five-to-two, and after I’d just given her six of my new
handkerchiefs.”
Michael wished he could have an opportunity of explaining to Barnes that
on account of Daisy’s friendship for Dolly, he and she and the cast-off
had spent a night in the police-cells. He thought it would have amused
him.
“Where’s the Half Moon?” he asked instead.
Daisy said it was a place in Glasshouse Street for which she had no very
great affection. However, Michael was anxious to see it; and soon they
left the Orange to visit the Half Moon.
It was a public-house with nothing that was demirep in its exterior; but
upstairs there was a room frequented after eleven o’clock by ladies of
the town. They walked up a narrow twisting staircase carpeted with
bright red felt and lit by a red-shaded lamp, and found themselves in a
room even more densely fumed with tobacco smoke than downstairs at the
Orange. In a corner was an electric organ which was fed with a stream of
pennies and blared forth its repertory of ten tunes with maddening
persistence. One of these tunes was gay enough to make the girls wish to
dance, and always with its recurrence there was a certain amount of
cake-walking which was immediately stopped by a commissionaire who stood
in the doorway and shouted “Order, please! Quiet, please! No dancing,
ladies!” To the nearest couple he always whispered that the police were
outside.
Daisy, having stigmatized the Half Moon as the rottenest hole within a
mile of the Dilly, proceeded to become more cheerful with every penny
dropped into the slot; and finally she invited Michael to come back with
her to Judd Street, as her boy had gone down to Margate to see Young
Sancy, a prospective lightweight champion, who was training there.
“Anyway, you can see me home,” she said. “Even if you don’t come in.
Besides, my flat’s all right. It is, really. You know. Comfortable. He’s
very good to me, is Bert, though he’s a bit soppified. He dresses very
nice, and he earns good money. Well, three pound a week. That’s not so
bad, is it?”
“That’s all right,” said Barnes. “With what you earn as well.”
“There’s a nerve,” said Daisy. “Well, I can’t stay moping indoors all
the evening, can I? But he’s most shocking jealous is Bert. And he calls
me his pussy-cat. Puss, puss! There’s a scream. He’s really a bit soft,
and his eyes is awful. But it’s nice, so here’s luck.” She drained her
glass. “‘Do you love me, puss?’ he says. Silly thing! But they think a
lot of him at the office. His governor came down to see him the other
morning about something he’s been writing. I don’t know what it was. I
hate the sight of his writing. I carry on at him something dreadful, and
then he says, ‘My pussy-cat mustn’t disturb me.’”
Daisy shrieked with laughter at the recollection, and Michael who was
beginning to be rather fearful for her sobriety suggested home as a good
move.
“I shan’t go if you don’t come back with me,” she declared.
Since their incarceration Michael had a tender feeling for Daisy, and he
promised to accompany her. She would not go in a hansom, however; nor
would she allow Barnes to make a third; and in the end she and Michael
went wandering off down Shaftesbury Avenue through the warm September
night.
Michael enjoyed walking with her, for she rambled on with long tales of
her past that seemed the inconsequent threads of a legendary Odyssey. He
flattered himself with her companionship, and told himself that here at
last was a demonstration of the possibility of a true friendship with a
woman of that class with whom mere friendship would be more improbable
than with any woman. It was really delightful to stroll with her
homeward under this starlit sky of London; to wander on and on while she
chattered forth her history. There had been no hint of any other
relation between them; she was accepting him as a friend. He was proud
as they walked through Russell Square, overshadowed by the benign trees
that hung down with truculent green sprays in the lamplight; he felt a
thrill in her companionship, as they dawdled along the railings of
Brunswick Square in the acrid scent of the privet. It was curious to
think that from the glitter and jangle of the Half Moon could rise this
friendship that was giving to all the houses they passed a strange
peacefulness. He fancied that here and there the windows were blinking
at them in drowsy content, when the gas was extinguished by the unknown
bedfarer within. Judd Street shone before them in a lane of lamps, and
beyond, against the night, the gothic cliff of St. Pancras Station was
indistinctly present. They turned down into Little Quondam Street, and
presently came to a red brick house with a pretentious portico.
“Our flat’s in here. Agnes House, it’s called. Come in and have one
before you go home,” she invited.
Michael entered willingly. He was glad to show so quickly his confidence
in their new friendship.
Agnes House was only entitled to the distinction of a name rather than a
number, because the rest of the houses in Quondam Street were shabby,
small, and old. It was a new building three stories high, and it was
already falling to pieces, owing to work which must have been
exceptionally dishonest to give so swiftly the effect of caducity. This
collapse was more obvious because it was not dignified by the charm of
age; and Agnes House in its premature dissolution was not much more
admirable than a cardboard box which has been left out in the rain.
Upon Michael it made an impression as of something positively corrupt in
itself apart from any association with depravity: it was like a young
person with a vile disease whose condition nauseated without arousing
pity.
“Rather nice, eh?” said Daisy, as she lit the gas in the kitchen of the
flat. “Sit down. I’ll get some whisky. There’s a bathroom, you know. And
it’s grand being on the ground floor. I should get the hump, if we was
upstairs. I always swore I’d never live in a flat. Well, I don’t really
call them safe, do you? Anything might happen and nothing ever be found
out.”
Michael as he saw the crude pink sheets of Crime Illustrated strewn
about the room was not surprised that Daisy should often get nervous
when left alone. These horrors in which fashion-plates with mangled
throats lay weltering in pools of blood could scarcely conduce to a
placid loneliness, and Michael knew that she probably spent a great deal
of every day in solitude. Her life with Crime Illustrated to fright her
fancy must always be haunted by presentiments of dread at the sound of a
key in the latch. It was curious, this half childlike existence of the
underworld always upon the boundaries of fear. Michael could see the
villainous paper used for every kind of domestic service—to wrap up a
piece of raw meat, to contain the scraps for the cat’s dinner, and
spread half over the kitchen table as a cloth whereon the disks of
grease lay like great thunder-drops. It would be very natural, when the
eyes never rested from these views of sordid violence, to expect evil
everywhere. Himself, as he sat here, was already half inclined to accept
the underworld’s preoccupation with crime as a truer judgment of human
nature than was held by a sentimental civilization, and he began to
wonder whether a good deal of his own privacy had not been spent in a
fool’s paradise of security. The moated grange and the dark tower were
harmless rococo terrors beside the maleficent commonplace of Agnes
House.
“The kitchen’s in a rare old mess, isn’t it?” said Daisy looking round
her. “It gives Bert the rats to see it like this.”
“Are you fond of him?” Michael asked. He was anxious to display his
friendly interest.
“Oh, he’s all right. But I wouldn’t ever get fond of anybody. It
doesn’t pay with men. The more you give them, the more they think they
can do as they like with you.”
“I don’t understand why you live with him, if he’s nothing better than
all right,” said Michael.
“Well, I’m used to him, and he’s not always in the way like some fellows
are.”
Michael would have liked to ask her about the beginning of her life as
it was now conducted. Daisy was so essentially of the streets that it
was impossible to suppose she had ever known a period of innocency. Her
ancestry seemed to go back to the doxies of the eighteenth century, and
beyond them to Alsatian queens, and yet farther to the tavern wenches of
François Villon and the Chronique Scandaleuse. There was nothing
pathetic about her; he could not imagine her ever in a position to be
wronged by a man. She was in very fact the gay woman who was bred first
from some primordial heedlessness unchronicled. She would be a hard
subject for chivalrous treatment, so deeply would she inevitably despise
it. Nevertheless, he wanted to try to bring home to her the quality of
the feeling she had inspired in him. He was anxious to prove to her the
reality of a friendliness untainted by any thought of the relation in
which she might justifiably think he would prefer to stand.
“There’s something extraordinarily attractive about being friends,” he
began. “Isn’t it a great relief for you to meet someone who wishes to
be nothing more than a friend?”
“Friends,” Daisy repeated. “I don’t know that I think much of friends.
You don’t get much out of them, do you?”
“Is that all anybody is for,” Michael asked in disappointment. “To get
something out of?”
“Well, naturally. Anyone can’t live on nothing, can they?”
“But I don’t see why a friend shouldn’t be as profitable as an ephemeral
... as a lover ... well, what I mean is, as a man you meet at eleven and
say good-bye to next morning. A friend could be quite as generous.”
“I never knew anyone in this world give anything unless they wanted
twice as much back in return,” said Daisy.
“Why do you suppose I gave you money the other day and paid your fine in
the police court?” he asked, for, though he did not like it, he was so
anxious to persuade her of the feasibleness of friendship, that he could
not help making the allusion.
“I suppose you wanted to,” she said.
“As a friend,” he persisted.
“Oh, all right,” she agreed with him lazily. “Have it your own way. I’m
too sleepy to argue.”
“Then we are friends?” Michael asked gravely.
“Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. A couple of old talk-you-deads joring over a
clothes-line. Get on with it, Roy—or what’s your name? Michael, eh?
That’s right.”
“Good! Now, supposing I ask your advice, will you give it to me?”
“Advice is very cheap,” said Daisy.
“I used to know a girl,” Michael began.
“A straight-cut?”
“Oh, yes. Certainly. Oh, rather. At least in those days she was.”
“I see. And now she’s got a naughty little twinkle in her eye.”
“Look here. Do listen seriously,” Michael begged. “She isn’t a
straight-cut any longer.”
“Well, what did I tell you? That’s what I said. She’s gone gay.”
“I want to get her away from this life,” Michael announced, with such
solemnity that Daisy was insulted.
“Why, what’s the matter with it? You’re as bad as a German ponce I knew
who joined the Salvation Army. Don’t you try taking me home to-night to
our loving heavenly father. It gives me the sick.”
“But this girl was brought up differently. She was what is called a
‘lady.’”
“More shame for her then,” said Daisy indignantly. “She ought to have
known better.”
It was curious this sense of intrusion which Lily’s fall gave to one so
deeply plunged. There was in Daisy’s attitude something of the
unionist’s toward foreign blackleg labor.
“Well, you see,” Michael pointed out. “As even you have no pity for her,
wouldn’t it be right for me to try to get her out of the life
altogether?”
“How are you going to do it? If she was walking about with a sunshade
all day, before you sprang it on her....”
“I had nothing to do with it,” Michael interrupted. “At least not
directly.”
“Well, what are you pulling your hair out over?” she demanded in
surprise.
“I feel a certain responsibility,” he explained. “Go on with what you
were saying.”
“If she left a nice home,” Daisy continued, “to live gay, she isn’t
going to be whistled back to Virginia the same as you would a dog. Now,
is she?”
“But I want to marry her,” said Michael simply.
Daisy stared at him in commiseration for his folly.
“You must be worse than potty over her,” she gasped.
“Why?”
“Why? Why, because it doesn’t pay to marry that sort of girl. She’ll
only do you down with some fancy fellow, and then you’ll wish you hadn’t
been such a grass-eyes.”
A blackbeetle ran quickly across the gaudy oilcloth, and Michael sitting
in this scrofulous kitchen had a presentiment that Daisy was right.
Sitting here, he was susceptible to the rottenness that was coeval with
all creation. It called forth in him a sense of futility, so that he
felt inclined to surrender his resolve to an universal pessimism. Yet in
the same instant he was aware of the need for him to do something, even
if his action were to carry within itself the potential destruction of
more than he was setting out to accomplish.
“When do you see her?” asked Daisy. “And what does she say about being
married?”
“Well, as a matter of fact, I haven’t seen her for nearly five years,”
Michael explained rather apologetically. “I’m searching for her now.
I’ve got to find her.”
“Strike me, if you aren’t the funniest —— I ever met,” Daisy exclaimed.
She leaned back in her chair and began to laugh. Her mockery was for
Michael intensified by the surroundings through which it was echoing.
The kitchen was crowded with untidy accumulations, with half-washed
plates and dishes, with odds and ends of attire; but the laughter seemed
to be ringing through a desert. Perhaps the illusion of emptiness was
due to the pictures nailed without frames to the walls of the room,
whose eyes watched him with unnatural fixity; and yet so homely was the
behavior of the people in the pictures that by contrast suddenly they
made the kitchen seem unreal. Indeed, the whole house, no more
substantial than a house in a puppet-show, betrayed its hollowness. It
became an interior very much like those glimpses of interiors in Crime
Illustrated. The slightest effort of fancy would have shown Daisy Palmer
cloven by a hatchet, yet coquettish enough even in sanguinary death to
display lisle-thread stockings and the scalloped edge of a white
petticoat. There was nothing like this of which to dream in Leppard
Street. Death would come as slowly and wearily thither as here he would
enter sensationally.
Daisy ceased to rock herself with mirth.
“No, really,” she said. “It’s a shame to laugh, but you are the limit.
Only you did ask my advice, and I tell you straight you’ll be sorry if
you do marry her. What’s she like, Wandering Willie? Have some cocoa if
I make it? Go on, do. I’ll boil it on the gas-ring.”
Michael was touched by her attention, and he accepted the offer of
cocoa. Then he began to describe Lily’s appearance. He could not,
however much she might laugh, keep off the object of his quest. Lily
was, after all, the only rational explanation of his present mode of
life.
“She sounds a bit washed out according to your description of her,”
Daisy commented. “Still, everyone to their own fancy, and if you like
blue-eyed bottles of peroxide, that’s your look-out.”
They were drinking the cocoa she had made, and the flame of the gas-ring
gave just the barren comfort that the kitchen seemed to demand. Another
blackbeetle hurried over the oilcloth. A belated fly buzzed angrily
against the shade of the electric light. Daisy yawned and looked up at
the metal clock with its husky tick.
Suddenly there was the sound of a latchkey in the outer door. She leaped
up.
“Gard, supposing that’s Bert come back from Margate!”
She pushed Michael hurriedly across the passage into the front room,
commanding him to keep quiet and stay in an empty curtained recess. Then
she hurried back to the kitchen, leaving him in a very unpleasant frame
of mind. He heard through the closed door Daisy’s voice in colloquy with
a deeper voice. Evidently Bert had come back; but his return had been so
abrupt that he had had no time to prevent himself being placed in this
ridiculous position. Would he have to stay in this recess all night? He
peered out into the room, which was in a filigree of bleak shadows made
by the street lamp shining through the muslin curtains of the window.
Through a desolation of undrawn blinds the houses of Little Quondam
Street were visible across the road. The unused room smelt moldy, and if
Michael had ever pictured himself in the complexity of a clandestine
affair, this was not at all the romantic environment he would have
chosen for his drama. This was really damned annoying, and he made a
step in the direction of the kitchen to put an end to the
misunderstanding. Surely Saunders would have realized that his visit to
Daisy was harmless: and yet would he? How stupid she had been to hustle
him out of the way like this. Naturally the fellow would be suspicious
now. Would that hum of conversation never stop? It reminded him of the
fly which had been buzzing round the lamp. Supposing Saunders came in
here to fetch something? Was he to hide ignominiously behind this
confounded curtain, and what on earth would happen if he were
discovered? Michael boiled with rage at the prospect of such an
indignity. Saunders would probably want to fight him. A man who spent
his life helping to produce Crime Illustrated was no doubt deep-dyed
himself in the vulgar crudity of his material.
Ten minutes passed. Still that maddening hum of talk rose and fell. Ten
more minutes passed; and Michael began to estimate the difficulty of
climbing out of the window into the street. It had been delightful, this
experience, until he had entered this cursed flat. He should have parted
from Daisy on the doorstep, and then he would have carried home with him
the memory of a friendship that belonged to the London starlight. The
whole relation had been ruined by entering this scabrous building.
He must have been here for more than an hour. It was insufferable. He
would go boldly into the kitchen and brave Saunders’ violence. Yet he
could not do that because Daisy would be involved by such a step. What
could they be talking about? It was really unreasonable for people who
lived together to sit up chatting half the night. At last he heard the
sound of an opening door; there were footsteps in the passage; another
door-opened; after a minute or two somebody walked out into the street.
Michael had just sighed with relief, when he heard footsteps coming
back; and the buzz of conversation began again in a lighter timbre. This
was simply intolerable. He was evidently going to stay here until the
filigree of shadows faded in the dawn. Saunders must have brought in a
friend with him. Another half hour passed and Michael had reached a
stage of cynicism which disclaimed any belief in friendship. Not again
would he so easily let himself be made ridiculous. Then he became
conscious of a keen desire to see this Saunders whom, by the way, he was
supposed to resemble. It was tantalizing to miss the opportunity of
comparison.
The hum of conversation stopped. Soon afterward Daisy came into the room
and whispered that he could creep out now, but that he must not slam the
front door. She would see him at the Orange to-morrow.
When they reached the passage, she called back through the kitchen:
“Bert, do you know you left the front door open?”
Idiotically and uxoriously floated from the inner bedroom: “Did I, pussy
cat? Puss must shut it then.”
Daisy dug Michael violently in the ribs to express her inward hilarity;
then suddenly she pulled him to her and kissed him roughly. In another
second he was in the lamplight of Little Quondam Street. As in a
nightmare it converged before him: a lean dog was routing in some
garbage: a drunken man, reeling along the pavement opposite, abused him
in queer disjointed obscenities without significance.
Barnes was sitting in Michael’s room, when he got back to Leppard
Street.
“What ho,” he said sleepily. “You’ve been enjoying yourself with that
piece, then?”
Michael regarded him angrily.
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, chuck it, Fane. You needn’t look so solemn; she’s not a bad bit of
goods, either. I’ve heard of her before.”
Michael turned away from him. He knew it would be useless to try to
convince Barnes that there was nothing between him and Daisy. Moreover,
if he told the true tale of the evening, he would only make himself out
utterly absurd. It was a pity that an evening which had promised such a
reward for his theories should now be tainted. But when Barnes had
slouched upstairs to bed, Michael realized how little his insinuations
had mattered. The adventure had been primarily a comic experience; it
had displayed him once more grotesquely reflected in the underworld’s
distorting mirror.
On the following night Michael went to the Café d’Orange, and heard
Daisy’s account of the wonderful way in which she had fooled Bert
Saunders.
“But really, you know,” she said. “It did give me a turn. Fancy him
coming back all of a sudden like that, and bringing in that fighting
fellow. What a terrible thing, if Bert had found out you was in there
and put him up to bashing your face. Oh, but Bert’s all right with his
pussy-cat.”
“But why didn’t you let me stay where I was?” Michael asked. “And
introduce me quite calmly. He couldn’t have said anything.”
“Couldn’t he?” Daisy cried. “I reckon he could then. I reckon he could
have said a lot. If he hadn’t, I’d have given him the chuck right away.
I don’t want no fellow hanging around me that hasn’t got the pluck to go
for anyone he finds messing about with his girl. Couldn’t he have said
anything?”
Michael was again face to face with topsyturvydom. It really was time to
meditate on the absurdity of trying to control these people of the
underworld with laws and regulations and penalties which had been
devised to control individuals who represented moral declension from the
standards of a genteel civilization. Mrs. Murdoch, Poppy, Barnes,
Daisy—they all inverted the very fabric of society. They were moral
antipodeans to the magistrate or the legislator or the social reformer.
They were pursuing and acting up to their own ideals of conduct: they
were not fleeing or falling away from a political morality. Was it
possible, then, to say that evil was something more than a mere failure
to conform to goodness? Was it possible to declare confidently the
absolutism of evil? In this topsyturvydom might there not be perceived a
great constructive force?
Michael pondered these questions a good deal. He had not enough evidence
as yet to provide him with a synthesis; but as he sat through the rapid
darkening of the September dusks, it seemed to him that very often he
was trembling upon the verge of a discovery. Leppard Street came to
stand as a dark antechamber with massive curtains drawn against the
light, the light which in the past he had only perceived through the
chinks of impenetrable walls. Leppard Street was Dante’s obscure wood
of the soul; it rustled with a thousand intimations of spiritual events.
Leppard Street was dark, but Michael did not fear the gloom, because he
knew that he was winning here with each new experience a small advance;
at Oxford he had merely contemplated the result of the former
pilgrimages of other people. With a quickening of his ambition he told
himself that the light would be visible when he married Lily, that
through her salvation he would save himself.
Michael did not reënter his own world, whose confusion of minor problems
would have destroyed completely his hope to stand unperplexed before the
problems of the underworld, the solution of which might help to solve
the universe or at any rate his own share in the universe. He did not
tell his mother or Stella where he was living, and their letters came to
him at his club. They did not worry him, although Stella threatened a
terrible punishment if he did not appear in their midst in time to give
her away in November. This he promised to do in spite of everything. He
was faithful to his search for Lily, and he even went so far as to call
upon Drake to ask if he had ever seen her since that night at the
Orient. But he had not. Michael did not vex himself over the failure to
discover Lily’s whereabauts. Having placed himself at the nod of
destiny, he was content to believe that if he never found her he must be
content to look elsewhere for the expression of himself. September
became October. It would be six years this month since first they met,
and she was twenty-two now. Could seventeen be captured anew?
One afternoon from his window Michael was pondering the etiolated season
whose ghostliness was more apparent in Leppard Street, because no fall
of leaves marked material decline. Hurrying along the brindled walls
from the direction of Greenarbor Court was a parson whose walk was
perfectly familiar, though he could not affix it to any person he knew.
Yes, he could. It was Chator’s, the dear, the pious and the bubbling
Chator’s; and how absurdly the same as it used to be along the corridors
of St. James’. Michael rushed out to meet him, and had seized and shaken
his hand before Chator recognized him. When he did, however, he was
twice as much excited as Michael, and spluttered forth a fountain of
questions about his progress during these years with a great deal of
information about his own. He came in eagerly at Michael’s invitation,
and so much had he still to ask and tell that it was a long time before
he wanted to know what had brought Michael to Leppard Street.
“How extraordinary to find you here, my dear fellow! This isn’t my
district, you know. But the Senior Curate is ill. Greenarbor Court! I
say, what a dreadful slum!” Chator looked very intensely at Michael, as
if he expected he would offer to raze it to the ground immediately. “I
never realized we had anything quite so bad in the parish. But what
really is extraordinary about running across you like this is that a man
who’s just come to us from Ely was talking about you only yesterday. My
goodness, how ...”
“It’s no larger than a grain of sand,” Michael interrupted quickly.
“What is?” asked Chator, with his familiar expression of perplexity at
Michael.
“You were going to comment on the size of the world, weren’t you?”
“I suppose you’ll rag me just as much as ever, you old brute.” Chator
was beaming with delight at the prospect. “But seriously, this man
Stewart—Nigel Stewart. I think he was at Trinity, Oxford. You do know
him?”
“Nigel isn’t here, too?” Michael exclaimed.
“He’s our deacon.”
“Oh, how priceless you’ll both be in the pulpit,” said Michael. “And
to-morrow’s Sunday. Which of you will be preaching at Mass?”
“My dear fellow, the Vicar always preaches at Mass. I shall be preaching
at Evening Prayer. Why don’t you come to supper in the Clergy House
afterward?”
“How do you like your Vicar?”
“Oh, very sound, very sound,” said Chator, shaking his head.
“Does he take the ablutions at the right moment?” asked Michael,
twinkling.
“Oh, yes. Oh, yes. He’s very sound. Quite all right. I was afraid at
first he was going to be a leetle High Church. But he’s not. Not a bit.
We had a procession this June on Corpus Christi. The people liked it.
And of course we’ve got the children.”
They talked for an hour of old friends, of Viner, of Dom Cuthbert and
Clere Abbey and schooldays, until at last Chator had to be going.
“You will come on Sunday?”
“Of course. But what’s the name of your church?”
“My dear fellow, that shows you haven’t heard your parochial Mass,” said
Chator, with mock seriousness. “St. Chad’s is our church.”
“It sounds as if you had a saintly fish for Patron,” said Michael.
“I say, steady. Steady. St. Chad, you know, of Lichfield.”
Michael laughed loudly.
“My dear old Chator, you are just as inimitable as ever. You haven’t
changed a bit. Well, Saint Chad’s—Sunday.”
From the window he watched Chator hurrying along beside the brindled
walls. He thought how every excited step he took showed him to be
bubbling over with the joy of telling Nigel Stewart of such a
coincidence in the district of the Senior Curate.
Michael suggested to Barnes that he should come with him to church on
Sunday, and Barnes, who evidently thought his salary demanded deference
to Michael’s wishes, made no objection. It was an October evening
through which a wintry rawness had already penetrated, and the interior
of St. Chad’s with its smell of people and warm wax and stale incense
was significant of comfort and shelter. The church, a dreary Byzantine
edifice, was nevertheless a very essential piece of London, being built
of the yellow bricks whose texture and color more than that of any other
material adapt themselves to the grime of the city. Nothing deliberately
beautiful would have had power here. These people who sat thawing in a
stupor of waiting felt at home. They were submerged in London streets,
and their church was as deeply engulfed as themselves. The Stations of
the Cross did not seem much more strange here than the lithographs in
their own kitchens, and the raucous drone of Gregorians was familiar
music.
As the Office proceeded, Michael glanced from time to time toward his
companion. At first Barnes had kept an expression of injured boredom,
but with each chant he seemed less able to resist the habits of the
past. Michael felt bound to ascribe to habit his compliance with the
forms and ceremonies, for it was scarcely conceivable that he could any
longer be moved by the appeal of a sensuous worship, still less by the
craving of his soul for God.
Chator’s discourse was a simple one delivered with all the spluttering
simplicity he could bring to it. Michael was not sure of the effect upon
the congregation, but himself found it moving in a gently pathetic way.
The sermon had the naïve obviousness and the sweet seriousness of a
child telling a long tale of imaginary adventure. It was easy to see
that Chator had never known from the moment of his Ordination, or
indeed from the moment he began to suppose he was thinking for himself,
a single doubt of the absolute truth of his religion, still less of its
expediency. Michael wondered again what effect the sermon was having
upon the congregation, which was sitting all round him woodenly in a
sort of browse. Did one sentence reach it, or was the whole business of
the sermon merely an excuse to sit here basking in the stuffiness of the
homely church? Michael turned a sidelong look at Barnes. Tears were in
his eyes, and he was staring into the gloom of the dingy apse with its
tesselations of dull gold. This was disconcerting to Michael’s opinion
of the sermon, for Chator could not be shaking Barnes by his eloquence:
these splutterings of dogma were surely not able to rouse one so deep in
the quagmire of his own corruption. Must he confess that a positive
sanctity abode in this church? He would be glad to believe it did; he
would be glad to imagine that an imperishable temple of truth was
posited among these perishable streets.
The sermon was over, and as the congregation rose to sing the hymn,
Michael was aware, he could not have said how, that these people pouring
forth this sacred jingle were all very weary. They had come here to rest
from the fatigue of dullness, and in a moment now the chill vapors of
the autumn night would wreathe themselves round their journey home.
Sunday was a day of pause when the people of the city had leisure to
sigh out their weariness: it was no shutting of theaters or shops that
made it sad. This congregation was composed of weaklings fit for neither
good nor evil, and every Sunday night they were gathered together for a
little while in the smell of warm wax and incense. Now already they were
trooping out into the frore evening; their footsteps would shuffle for a
space over the dark pavements; a few would have pickled cabbage and
cheese for supper, a few would not; such was life in this limbo between
Hell and Heaven. Barnes, however, was not to be judged with the bulk of
the congregation: another reason must be found for the influence of
Evening Prayer or of Chator’s words upon him.
“Did you like the sermon?” Michael asked in the porch.
“I didn’t listen to a word of it,” said Barnes emphatically.
“Oh, really? I thought you were interested. You seemed interested,” said
Michael.
“I was thinking what a mug I’d been not to back The Clown for the
Cesarewitch. I had the tip. You know, Fane, I’ll tell you what it is.
I’m not used to money, and that’s a fact. I don’t know how to spend it.
I’m afraid of it. So bang it all goes on drinks.”
“I thought you enjoyed the service,” said Michael.
“Oh, I’m used to services. You know. On and off I’ve done a lot of
churchifying, I have. It would take something more than that fellow
preaching to curdle me up. I’ve gone through it. Religion, love, and
measles; they’re all about the same. I don’t reckon anybody gets them
more than once properly.”
Michael told Barnes he was going on to supper at the Clergy House, and
though he had intended to invite him to come as well, he was so much
irritated by his unconscious deception that he let him go off, and went
back into the empty church to wait for Chator and Nigel Stewart. What
puzzled Michael most about Barnes was how himself had ever managed to be
impressed by his unusual wickedness. As he beheld him nowadays, a mean
and common little squirt of exceptional beastliness really, he was
amazed to think that once he had endowed him with almost diabolical
powers. He remembered to this day the gleam in Brother Aloysius’ blue
eyes when he was gathering the blackberries by that hazel-coppice.
Perhaps it had been the monkish habit, which by contrast with his
expression had made him seem almost supernaturally evil; and yet when he
met him again at Earl’s Court he had been kindled by those blue eyes.
Henry Meats had been very much like Henry Barnes; but where was now that
lambent flame in the eyes? He had looked at them many times lately, but
they had always been cold and unintelligent as a doll’s.
“I really must have been mad when I was young,” Michael said to himself.
“And yet other people have preserved the influence they used to have
over me. Other people haven’t changed. Why should he? I wonder whether
it was always myself I saw in him: my own evil genius?”
Chator came to fetch him while he was worrying over Barnes’ lapse into
unimportance, and together they passed through the sacristy into the
Clergy House.
Nigel Stewart’s room, which they visited in the minutes before supper,
had changed very little from his digs in the High. Ely had added a
picture or two; that was all. Nor had Nigel changed, except that his
clerical attire made him more seraphic than ever. While he and Michael
chattered of Oxford friends, Chator stood with his back to the fire
beaming at the reunion which he felt he had brought about: his biretta
at a military angle gave him a look of knowing benevolence.
The bell sounded for supper, and they went along corridors hung with
Arundel prints and faded photographs of cathedrals, until they came to a
brightly lit room where it seemed that quite twenty people were going to
sit down at the trestle-table. Michael was introduced to the Vicar and
two more curates, and also to a dozen church workers who made the same
sort of jokes about whatever dish they were helping. Also he met that
walrus-like man who, whether as organist or ceremonarius or treasurer of
club accounts or vicar’s churchwarden, is always to be found attached to
the clergy. Michael sat next to him, as it happened, and found he had a
deep voice and was unable to get nearer to “th” than “v.”
“We’re raver finking,” he confided to Michael over a high-heaped plate,
“of starting Benediction, vis year.”
“That will be wonderful,” said Michael politely.
“Yes, it ought to annoy ver poor old Bishop raver.”
The walrus-like man chuckled and bent over his food with a relish
stimulated by such a prospect. After supper the two curates carried off
their favorites upstairs to their own rooms; and as Chator, Stewart, and
Michael were determined to spend the evening together, the Vicar was
left with rather more people than usual to smoke his cigarettes.
“I envy you people,” said Michael, as the three of them sank down into
deep wicker chairs. “I envy this power you have to bring Oxford—or
Cambridge—into London. For it is the same spirit in terms of action,
isn’t it? And you’re free from the thought which must often worry dons
that perhaps they are having a very good time without doing very much to
deserve it.”
“We work hard in this parish,” spluttered Chator. “Oh, rather. Very
hard.”
“That’s what I say. You have the true peace that thrives on activity,”
said Michael. “But at the same time, what I’m rather anxious to know is
how nearly you touch the real sinners.”
Stewart and Chator looked at one another across his chair.
“How much do we, brother?” asked Stewart.
“No, really,” protested Michael. “My dear Nigel, I can’t have you being
so affected. Brother! You must give up being archaic now that you’re a
pale young curate.”
“What do you call the real sinners?” asked Chator. “You saw our
congregation to-night. All poor, of course.”
“Shall I say frankly what I think?” Michael asked.
The other two nodded.
“I’m not sure if that congregation is worth a very great deal. I’m not
trying to be offensive, so listen to me patiently. That congregation
would come whatever you did. They came not because they wanted to
worship God or because they desired the forgiveness of their sins, nor
even because they think that going to church is a good habit. No, they
came in a sort of sad drift of aimlessness; they came in out of the
dreariness of their lives to sit for a little while in the glow that a
church like yours can always provide. They went out again with a vague
memory of comfort, material comfort, I mean; but they took away with
them nothing that would kindle a flame to light up the gray week-days.
Do you know, I fancy that when these picture-theaters become more
common, as they will, most of your people will get from them just the
same sensation of warmth and material comfort. Obviously if this is a
true observation on my part, your people regard church from a merely
negative attitude. That isn’t enough, as you’ll admit.”
“But it’s not fair to judge by the evening congregation,” Chator burst
out. “You must remember that we get quite a different crowd at Mass.”
“But do you get the real sinners?” Michael repeated.
“My dear Michael, what does this inquisition forebode?” said Stewart.
“You’re becoming wrapped in mystery. You’re found in Leppard Street for
no reason that I’ve yet heard. And now you attack us in this unkind
way.”
“I’m not attacking you,” Michael said. “I’m trying to extract from you a
point of view. Lately it happens that I’ve found myself in the company
of a certain class, well—the company of bullies and prostitutes. You
must have lots of them in this parish. Do you get hold of them? I don’t
believe you do, because the chief thing which has struck me is the utter
remoteness of the Church or indeed of any kind of religion from the
life of that class. And their standards are upside-down—actually
upside-down. They’re handed over entirely to the powers of darkness.
Now, as far as I can see, the Devil—or whatever you choose to call
him—only cares about people who are worth his while. He hands the
others over to anybody that likes to deal with them. Equally I would say
that God is a little contemptuous of the poor intermediates. The Church,
however, in these hard times for religion is glad to get hold even of
them, and this miserable spirit of mediocrity runs through the whole
organization. The bishops are moderate; the successful parsons are
moderate; and the flock is moderate. To come back to the sinners. You
know, they would be worth getting. You’ve no idea what a force they
would raise. And now, all their industry, all their ingenuity, all their
vitality is devoted to the service of evil.”
Chator could contain himself no longer.
“My dear fellow, you don’t understand how impossible it is to get in
touch with the people you’re talking about. They elude one. Of course,
we should rejoice to get them. But they’re impossible.”
“Christ moved among sinners,” said Michael.
“It’s not because we don’t long to move among them,” Chator spluttered
in exasperation. “We would give anything to move among them. But we
can’t. I don’t know why. But they won’t relax any of their barriers.
They’re notoriously difficult.”
“Then it all comes down to a ‘no’ in answer to my question,” said
Michael. “You don’t get the real sinners. That’s what’s the matter with
St. Chad’s—until you can compel the sinner to come in, you’ll stay in a
spiritual backwater.”
“If you were a priest,” said Chator, “you’d realize our handicap
better.”
“No doubt,” Michael agreed. “But don’t forget that the Salvation Army
gets hold of sinners. In fact, I’ll wager that nine out of ten of the
people with whom I’ve been in contact lately would only understand by
religion the Salvation Army. Personally I loathe the Salvation Army. I
think it is almost a more disruptive organization than anything else in
the world. But at least it is alive; it’s not suet like most of the
Dissenting Sects or a rather rich and heavy plum-pudding like the
greater part of the Church of England. It’s a maddening and atrociously
bad and cheap alcohol, but it does enflame. I tell you, my dear old
Chator and my dear old Nigel, you have the greatest opportunity
imaginable for energy, for living and bringing life to others, if only
you’ll not sit down and be content because you’ve got the children and
can fill the church for Evening Prayer with that colorless, dreary,
dreadfully sorrowful crowd I saw to-night.”
Michael leaned back in his chair; the fire crackled above the silence;
and, outside, the disheartened quiet of the Sabbath was brooding. Chator
was the first to speak.
“Some of what you say may be true, but the rest of it is a mere muddle
of heresies and misconceptions and misstatements. It’s absolute
blasphemy to say that God is contemptuous of what you called the
intermediates, and you apparently believe that evil is only misdirected
good. You apparently think that your harlots and bullies are better for
being more actively harmful.”
“No, no,” Michael corrected. “You didn’t follow my argument. As a matter
of fact, I believe in the absolutism of evil the more, the more I see of
evil men and women. What I meant was that in proportion to the harm they
have power to effect would be the inspiration and advantage of turning
their abilities toward good. But cut out all theological questions and
confess that the Church has failed with the class I speak of.”
The argument swayed backward and forward for a long time, without
reaching a conclusion.
“You can’t have friars nowadays,” said Chator in response to Michael’s
last expression of ambition. “Conditions have changed.”
“Conditions had changed when St. Francis of Assisi tried to revive an
absolute Christianity,” Michael pointed out. “Conditions had changed
when the Incarnation took place. Pontius Pilate, Caiaphas, Judas, and a
host of contemporaries must have tried to point that out. Materialists
are always peculiarly sensitive to the change of external conditions. Do
you believe in Christ?”
“Don’t try to be objectionable, my dear fellow,” said Chator, getting
very red.
“Well, if you do,” persisted Michael, “if you accept the Gospels, it is
utterly absurd for you as a Christian priest to make ‘change of
conditions’ an excuse for having failed to rescue the sinners of your
parish.”
“Michael,” said Stewart, intervening on account of Chator’s obviously
rising anger. “Why are you living in Leppard Street? What fiery mission
are you upon? I believe you’re getting too much wrapped up in private
fads and fancies. Why don’t you come and work for us at St. Chad’s?”
“He’s one of those clever people who can always criticize with intense
fervor,” said Chator bitterly. He was still very red and ruffled, and
Michael felt rather penitent.
“I wish I could work here. Chator, do forgive me for being so
offensive. I really have no right to criticize, because my own vice is
inability to do anything in company with other people. The very sight of
workers in coöperation freezes me into apathy. If I were a priest, I
should probably feel like you that the children were the most important.
Have neither of you ever heard of anybody whose faith was confirmed by
the realization of evil? Usually, it’s the other way about, isn’t it?
I’ve met many unbelievers who first began to doubt, because the problem
of evil upset their notions of divine efficiency. Chator, you have
forgiven me, haven’t you?”
“I ought to have realized that you didn’t mean half you were saying,”
said Chator.
Michael smiled. Should he start the argument again by insisting that he
had meant even twice as much as he had said? In the end, however, he let
Chator believe in his exaggeration, and they parted good friends.
Nigel Stewart came often to see him during the next fortnight, and he
was very anxious to find out why Michael was living in Leppard Street.
Michael would not tell him, however, but instead he introduced him to
Barnes who with money in his pocket was very independent and gave up
sign of his boasted ability to circumvent parsons financially. No doubt,
however, when he was thrown back on his own resources, he would benefit
greatly by this acquaintance. Stewart had a theory that Michael had shut
himself in Leppard Street to test the personality of Satan, and he used
to insist that Michael performed all kinds of magical experiments in his
solitude there. Having himself been a Satanist on several occasions at
Oxford, he felt less than Chator would have done the daring of
discussing Baudelaire and Huysmans. Deacon though he was, Nigel was
still an undergraduate, nor did it seem probable that he would ever
cease to be one. He tried to thrill Michael with some of his own
diabolic experiences, but Michael was a little contemptuous and told him
that his devil was merely a figure of academic naughtiness.
“All that kind of subjective wickedness is nothing at all,” said
Michael. “At the worst, it can only unbalance your judgment. I passed
through it at the age of sixteen.”
“You must have been horribly precocious,” said Nigel disapprovingly.
“Oh, not more so than anyone who has freedom to develop. I should give
up subjective encounters with evil, if I were you. You’ll be telling me
soon that you’ve been pinched by demons like an Egyptian eremite.”
Nigel gave the impression of rather deploring the lack of such an
experience, and Michael laughed:
“Go and see Maurice Avery in Grosvenor Road. He’s just the person you
ought to convert. Nothing could be easier than to turn Mossy into an
æsthetic Christian. Would that satisfy your zeal?”
“I really think you are growing very offensive,” said Nigel.
“No, I’m not. I’m illustrating a point. Your encounters with evil and
Maurice’s encounters with religion would match each other. Both would
have a very wide, but also a very superficial area.”
November had arrived, and Michael reappeared in Cheyne Walk to assist at
Stella’s wedding. He paid no attention to the scorn she flung at his
affected mode of life, and he successfully resisted her most carefully
planned sallies of curiosity:
“What you have to do at present is to keep your own head, not mine.
Think of the responsibilities of marriage and let me alone. I’ll tell
you quite enough when the moment comes for telling.”
“Michael, you’re getting dreadfully obstinate,” Stella declared. “I
remember when I could get a secret out of you in no time.”
“It’s not I who am obstinate,” said Michael. “It’s you who are utterly
spoiled by the lovelorn Alan.”
Michael and Alan went for a long walk in Richmond Park on the day before
the wedding. It was a limpid day at the shutting-in of St. Martin’s
summer, and to Michael it seemed like the ghost of one of those June
Saturdays of eight years ago. Time had faded that warmer blue to a
wintry turquoise, but there was enough of summer’s image in this wraith
of a day to render very poignantly to him the past. He wondered if Alan
were thinking of the afternoons when they had sent the sun down from
Richmond Hill. That evening before the examinations of a summer term
recurred to him now more insistently than any of those dead days.
| Thick as autumnal leaves that strew the brooks |
| In Vallombrosa. |
Now the leaves were lying brown and dewy in the Richmond thickets. Then
it was a summer evening of foliage in the prime. He wished he could
remember the lines of Virgil which had matched the Milton. He used to
know them so well:
| Matres atque viri defunctaque corpora vita |
| Magnanimum heroum, pueri innuptæque puellæ. |
There were two complex hexameters, but all that remained in his memory
of the rest were two or three disjointed phrases:
| Lapsa cadunt folia ... ubi frigidus annus ... et |
| ... terris apricis. |
Even at fourteen he had been able to respond to the melancholy of these
lines; really, he had been rather an extraordinary boy. The sensation of
other times which was evoked by walking like this in Richmond Park would
soon be too strong for him any longer not to speak of it. Yet because
those dead summer days seemed now to belong to the mystery of youth, to
the still unexpressed and inviolate heart of a period that was forever
overpast, Michael could not bring himself to destroy their sanctity with
sentimental reminiscence. However, there had been comedy and absurdity
also, perhaps rather more fit for exhumation now than those deeper
moments.
“Do you remember the wedding of Mrs. Ross?” he asked.
“Rather,” said Alan, and they both smiled.
“Do you remember when you first called her Aunt Maud, and we both burst
out laughing and had to rush out of the room?”
“Rather,” said Alan. “Boys are ridiculous, aren’t they?”
“Supposing we both laugh like that when Stella is first called Mrs.
Merivale?” Michael queried.
“I shall be in much too much of a self-conscious funk to laugh at
anything,” said Alan.
“And yet do you realize that we’re only talking of eight years ago?
Nothing at all really. Six years less than we had already lived at the
time when that wedding took place.”
To Alan upon the verge of the most important action of his life
Michael’s calculation seemed very profound indeed, and they both walked
on in silence, meditating upon the revelation it afforded of a fugitive
mortality.
“You’ll be writing epitaphs next,” said Alan, in rather an aggrieved
voice. He had evidently traversed the swift years of the future during
the silence.
“At any rate,” Michael said. “You can congratulate yourself upon not
having wasted time.”
“My god,” cried Alan, stopping suddenly. “I believe I’m the luckiest man
alive.”
“I thought you’d found a sovereign,” said Michael. He had never heard
Alan come so near to emotional expression and, knowing that a moment
later Alan would be blushing at his want of reserve, he loyally covered
up with a joke the confusion that must ensue.
Very few people came to the wedding, for Stella had insisted that as
none of her girl friends were reputable enough to be bridesmaids, she
must do without them. Mrs. Ross came, however, and she brought with her
Kenneth to be a solemn and freckled and carroty page. She was very
anxious that Michael should come back after the wedding to Cobble Place,
but he said he would rather wait until after Christmas. Nancy came, and
Michael tried to remember if he had once seriously contemplated marrying
her. How well he remembered her in short skirts, and here she was a
woman of thirty with a brusque jolly manner and gold pince-nez.
“You are a brute always to avoid my visits at Cobble Place,” grumbled
Nancy. “Do you realize we haven’t met for years?”
“You’re such a woman of affairs,” said Michael.
“Well, do let’s try to meet next time. I say, don’t you think Maud looks
terribly ill since she became a Romanist?”
Michael looked across to where Mrs. Ross was standing.
“I think she’s looking rather well.”
“Absolute destruction of individuality, you know,” said Nancy, shaking
her head. “I was awfully sick about that business. However, I must admit
that she hasn’t forced her religion down our throats.”
“Did you expect an auto-da-fé in the middle of the lawn?” he asked. She
thumped him on the shoulder:
“Silly ass! Don’t you try to rag me.”
They had a jolly talk, but Michael was glad he had not married her at
eight years old. He decided that by now he would probably have regretted
the step.
Michael managed to get two or three minutes alone with Stella after the
ceremony.
“Well, Mrs. Prescott-Merivale?”
“You’ve admitted I’m a married woman,” she exclaimed. “Now surely you
can tell me what you’ve been doing since August and where you’ve been.”
“I thought very fondly that you were without the curiosity of every
woman,” said Michael. “Alas, you are not!”
“Michael, you’re perfectly horrid to me.”
“Don’t be too much the young wife,” he advised, with mocking
earnestness.
“I won’t listen to anything you say, until I know where you’ve been. Of
course, if I hadn’t been so busy, I could easily have found you out.”
“Not even can you sting me into the revelation of my hiding-place,”
Michael laughed.
“You shan’t stay with us at Hardingham unless you tell me.”
“By the time you come back from your honeymoon, I may have wonderful
news,” said Michael. “Oh, and by the way, where are you going for your
honeymoon? It sounds absurd to ask such a question at this hour, but
I’ve never heard.”
“We’re going to Compiègne,” said Stella. “I wrote to little
Castéra-Verduzan, and he’s lent us the cottage where you and I stayed.”
That choice of Stella’s seemed to mark more decisively than anything she
had said or done his own second place in her thoughts nowadays.
When the bride and bridegroom were gone, Michael sat with his mother,
talking.
“I had arranged to go to the South of France with Mrs. Carruthers,” she
told him. “But if you’re going to be here, I could put her off.”
Michael felt rather guilty. He had not considered his mother’s
loneliness, and he had meant to return at once to Leppard Street.
“No, no, I’m going away again,” he told her.
“Just as you like, dearest boy.”
“You’re glad about Stella?”
“Very glad.”
“And you like Alan?”
“Of course. Charming—charming.”
The firelight danced in opals on the window-panes, and the macaw who had
been brought up to Mrs. Fane’s sitting-room out of the way of the
wedding guests sharpened his beak on the perch.
“It’s really quite chilly this afternoon,” said Mrs. Fane.
“Yes, there’s a good deal of mist along the river,” said Michael. “A
pity that the fine weather should have broken up. It may be rather
dreary in the forest.”
“Why did they go to a forest?” she asked. “So like Stella to choose a
forest in November. Most unpractical. Still, when one is young and in
love, one doesn’t notice the mud.”
Next day Mrs. Fane went off to the South of France, and Michael went
back to Leppard Street.
November fogs began soon after Michael returned to Leppard Street, and
these fuliginous days could cast their own peculiar spell. To enter the
house at dusk was to stand for a moment choking in blackness; and even
when the gas flared and whistled through a sickly nebula, it only made
more vast the lightless vapors above, so that the interior seemed at
first not a place of shelter, but a mirage of the streets that would
presently dissolve in the drifting fog. These nights made Pimlico
magical for walking. Distance was obliterated; time was abolished; life
was disembodied. He never tired of wandering up and down the Vauxhall
Bridge Road where the trams came trafficking like strange ships, so
unfamiliar did they seem here beside the dumpy horse omnibuses.
One evening when the fog was not very dense Michael went up to
Piccadilly. Here the lamps were strong enough to shine through the murk
with a golden softness that made the Circus like a landscape seen in a
dying fire. Michael could not bear to withdraw from this glow in which
every human countenance was idealized as by amber limes in a theater. At
the O.U.D.S. performance of The Merchant of Venice they had been given a
sunset like this on the Rialto. It would be jolly to meet somebody from
Oxford to-night—Lonsdale, for instance. He looked round half-expectant
of recognition; but there was only the shifting crowd about him. How
were Stella and Alan getting on at Compiègne? Probably they were having
clear blue days there, and in the forest would be a smell of woodfires.
With such unrelated thoughts Michael strolled round Piccadilly,
sometimes in a wider revolution turning up the darker side streets, but
always ultimately returning to the Island in the middle. Here he would
stand in a dream, watching the omnibuses go east and west and south and
north. The crowd grew stronger, for the people were coming out of the
theaters. Should he go to the Orange and talk to Daisy? Should he call a
hansom and drive home? Bewitched as by the spinning of a polychromatic
top, he could not leave the Island.
They were coming out of the Orient now, and he watched the women emerge
one by one. Their ankles all looked so white and frail under the
opera-cloaks puffed out with swans-down; and they all of them walked to
their carriages with the same knock-kneed little steps. Soon he must
begin to frequent the Orient again.
Suddenly Michael felt himself seized with the powerless excitement of a
nightmare. There in black, strolling nonchalantly across the pavement to
a hansom, was Lily! She was with another girl. Then Drake’s story had
been true. Michael realized that gradually all this time he had been
slowly beginning to doubt whether Drake had ever seen her. Lily had
become like a princess in a fairy tale. Now she was here! He threw off
the stupefaction that was paralyzing him, and started to cross the road.
A wave of traffic swept up and he was driven back. When the stream had
passed, Lily was gone. In a rage with his silly indecision he set out to
walk back to Pimlico. The fog had lifted entirely, and there was frost
in the air.
Michael walked very quickly because it seemed the only way to wear out
his chagrin. How idiotic it had been to let himself be caught like that.
Supposing she did not visit the Orient again for a long time? It would
serve him right. Oh, why had he not managed to get in front of those
vehicles in time? He and she might have been driving together now;
instead of which he was stamping his way along this dull dark pavement.
How tall she had seemed, how beautiful in her black frock. At last he
knew why all this time women had left him cold. He loved her still. What
nonsense it had been for him to think he wanted to marry her in order to
rescue her. What priggish insolence! He loved her still: he loved her
now: he loved her: he loved her! The railings of Green Park rattled to
his stick. He loved her more passionately because the ghost of her whom
he had thought of with romantic embellishment all these years was but a
caricature of her reality. That image of gossamer which had floated
through his dreams was become nothing, now that again he had seen
herself with her tall neck and the aureole of her hair and the delicate
poise of her as she waited among those knock-kneed women on the
pavement. He brought his stick crashing down upon a bin of gravel by the
curb that it might clang forth his rage. In what direction had she
driven away? Even that he did not know. She might have driven past this
very lamp-post a few minutes back.
Here was Hyde Park Corner. In London it was overwhelming to speculate
upon a hansom’s progress. Here already were main roads branching, and
these in their turn would branch, and others after them until the
imagination was baffled. Waste of time. Waste of time. He would not
picture her in any quarter of London. But never one night should escape
without his waiting for her at the Orient. Where was she now? He would
put her from his mind until they met. Supposing that round the corner of
that wall she were waiting, because the cab horse had slipped. How she
would turn toward him in her black dress. “I saw you outside the
Orient,” he would say. She should know immediately that he was not
deceived about her life. So vividly had he conjured the scene that when
he rounded the wall on his way down Buckingham Palace Road, he was
disappointed to see no cab, no Lily standing perplexed; merely a tabid
woman clothed in a cobweb of crape, asleep over her tray of matches and
huddled against the wall of the King’s garden. He put a sixpence among
her match-boxes, and wondered of what were her dark dreams. The stars
were blue as steel in the moonless sky above the arc-lamps; and a cold
parching wind had sprung up. Michael deviated from the nearest way to
Leppard Street, and walked on quickly into the heart of Pimlico. This
kind of clear-cut air suited the architecture of the ashen streets. One
after another they stretched before him with their dim checkers of doors
and windows. Sometimes, where they were intersected by wider
thoroughfares, an arc-lamp fizzed above the shape of a solitary
policeman, and the corner-houses stood out sharper and more cadaverous.
And always in contrast with these necropolitan streets, these masks of
human dwellings, were Michael’s own thoughts thronged with fancies of
himself and Lily.
It was nearly one o’clock when he walked over the arcuated bridge across
the lake of railway lines and turned the corner into Leppard Street.
From the opposite pavement a woman’s figure stepped quickly toward him
out of a circle of lamplight. The sudden shadow lanced across the road
made him start. Perhaps she noticed him jump, for she stopped at once
and stared at him owlishly. He felt sick for a moment, and yet he could
not, from an absurd compassion for her, do as he would have liked and
run.
“Where are you off to in such a hurry?” he heard her say.
It was too late to avoid her now. He only had two sovereigns in his
pocket. It would be ridiculous and cowardly to escape by offering her
one of them. He had given his last silver coin to the match-seller. Yet
it would have been just as cowardly to have offered her that. He pitied
the degradation that prompted her so casual question; the diffidence in
her tones marked the fear of answering brutality which must always haunt
her. Now that she was close to him, he no longer dreaded her. She was
not an ancient drab, a dreadful old woman with black cotton gloves, as
at first he had shuddered to suppose her. If those raddled smears and
that deathly blanch of coarse powder were cleared from her cheeks, there
would be nothing to attract or repel: she would scarcely become even an
individual in the multitude of weary London women.
“Where are you off to, dearie, in such a hurry?” she repeated.
“Home. I’m going home,” he said.
“Let’s walk a bit of the way together.”
He could say nothing to her, and if he hurried on, he would hear her
voice whining after him like a cat in a yard. He did not wish to let her
know where he was living; for every evening he would expect to see her
materialize from a quivering circle of lamplight so close to Leppard
Street.
“Why don’t you come back with me? I live quite near here,” she murmured.
“Go on. You look as if you wanted someone to make a fuss of you.”
Already they were beside the five houses that rose jet-black against the
star-incrusted sky.
“Come on, dear. I live in the corner house.”
Michael looked at her in astonishment, and she mistaking his scrutiny
smiled in pitiable allurement. He felt as if a marionette were
blandishing him. The woman evidently thought he was considering the
question of money, and she sidled close up to him.
“Go on, dear, you’ve got some money with you?”
“It’s not that,” said Michael. “I don’t want to come in with you.”
Yet he knew that he must enter Number One with her in order to find in
what secret room she lived. And to-morrow morning he would leave the
house forever, since it would be unimaginable to stay there longer with
the consciousness that perhaps they were creatures like this, who
slammed the doors in passages far upstairs. He would not sleep
comfortably again with the sense that women like this were creeping
about the stairs like spiders. He must probe her existence, and he put
his foot on the steps of the front door.
“Not that door,” she said. “Down here.”
She pushed back the gate of the area-steps, and led the way down into
the basement. It was incredible that she could live on the same floor as
the Cleghornes. Yet obviously she did.
“Don’t make a noise,” she whispered. “Because the woman who keeps the
house sleeps down here.”
She opened the back door, and he followed her into the frowsty passage.
When the door was dosed behind them, the blackness was absolute.
“Got a vesta with you?” she whispered.
Michael felt her hands pawing him, and he shrank back against the greasy
wall.
“Here you are. Here you are.”
The match flamed, but went out before he could light the nodulous candle
she proffered. In the darkness he felt her spongy lips upon his cheek,
but disengaging himself from her assiduousness, he managed to light the
candle. They went along the corridor past the front room where Cleghorne
snored the day away; past the kitchen whose open door exhaled an odorous
breath of habitation; and through a stone pantry. Then she led him down
three steps and up another, unlocked a rickety door, and welcomed him.
“I’m quite on my own, you see,” she said, in a voice of tentative
satisfaction.
Michael looked round at the room which was small and smelt very damp.
The ceiling sloped to a window closely curtained with the cretonne of
black and crimson fruits which Michael recognized as the same stuff he
had seen in Barnes’ room above. He tried to recall how much of this room
he could see from his bedroom window, and he connected it in his mind
with a projecting roof of cracked slates which he had often noticed. The
action of the rain on the plaster had made it look like a map of the
moon in relief. The furniture consisted of a bed, a washstand and a
light blue chest. There was also a narrow shelf on which was a lamp with
a reflector of corrugated tin, a bald powder-puff, and two boot-buttons.
The woman lit the lamp, and as she stooped to look at the jagged flame,
Michael saw that her hair was as iridescent as oil on a canal with what
remained of henna and peroxide.
“That’s more cheerful. Though I must say it’s a pity they haven’t put
the gas in here. Oh, don’t sit on that old box. It makes you look such a
stranger.”
Michael said he had a great fondness for sitting on something that was
hard; but he thought how absurd he must appear sitting like this on a
pale blue chest next to a washstand.
“Are you looking at my cat?” she asked.
“What cat?”
“He’s under the bed, I’ll be bound.”
She called, and a small black cat came out.
“Isn’t he lovely? But, fancy, he’s afraid of me. He always gets under
the bed like that.”
Michael felt he ought to make up to the cat what his cordiality had
lacked toward the mistress, and he paid so much attention to it that
finally the animal lost all fear and jumped on his knee.
“Well, there!” the woman exclaimed. “Did you ever? I’ve never seen him
do that before. He knows you’re a gentleman. Oh, yes, they know. His
mother ran away. But she comes to see me sometimes and always looks very
well, so she’s got a good home. But he isn’t stinted. Oh, no. He gets
his milk every day. What I say is, if you’re going to have animals, look
after them.”
Michael nodded agreement.
“Because to my mind,” she went on, “a great many animals are better than
human beings.”
“Oh, yes, I think they probably are,” said Michael.
“Poor Peter!” she crooned. “I wouldn’t starve you, would I?”
The cat left Michael and went and sat beside her on the bed.
“Why do you call it Peter?” he asked. The name savored rather of the
deliberate novelist.
“After my boy.”
“Your boy?” he echoed.
“Oh, he’s a fine boy, and a good boy.” The mention of her son stiffened
the woman into a fleeting dignity.
“I suppose he’s about twelve?” Michael asked. Her age had puzzled him.
“Well, thirteen really. Of course, you see, I’m a little older than what
I look.” As she looked about forty-five, Michael thought that the
converse was more probable.
“He’s not living with you?”
“Oh, no, certainly not. Why, I wouldn’t have him here for anything—not
ever. Oh, no, he’s at school with the Jesuits. He’s to go in the Civil
Service. I lived with his father for many years—in fact, from the time
I was sixteen. His father was a Frenchman. A silk-merchant he was. He’s
been dead about six years now.”
“I suppose he left money to provide for the boy.”
“Oh no! No, he left nothing. Well, you see, silk merchants weren’t what
they used to be, when he died; and before that his business was always
falling off bit by bit. No, the Jesuits took him. Of course I’m a
Catholic myself.”
As she made her profession of faith, he saw hanging from the knob of the
bed a rosary. With whatever repulsion, with whatever curiosity he had
entered, Michael now sat here on the pale blue chest in perfect humility
of spirit.
“I suppose you don’t care for this life?” he asked after a short
silence.
“Well, no, I do not. It’s not at all what I should call a refined way of
living, and often it’s really very unpleasant.”
Somehow their relation had entirely changed, and Michael found himself
discussing her career as if he were talking to an old maid about her
health.
“For one thing,” she continued, “the police are very rough with one, and
if anyone doesn’t behave just as they’d like for them to behave, they
make it very awkward. They really take it out of anyone. That isn’t
right, is it? It’s really not as it should be, I don’t think.”
Michael thought of the police in Leicester Square.
“It’s damnable!” he growled. “And I suppose you have to put up with a
good deal from some of the men?”
“Undoubtedly,” she said, shaking her head, and becoming every moment
more and more like a spinster who kept a stationer’s shop in a
provincial town. “Undoubtedly. Well, for one thing, I’m at anyone’s
mercy in here. Of course, if I called out, I might be heard and I might
not. Really, if it wasn’t for the woman who keeps the house being always
so anxious for her rent, I might be murdered any time and stay in here
for days without anyone knowing about it. Last Wednesday—or was it
Thursday?—time goes by so fast, it seems hardly worth while to count
the days, does it? One day last week I did what I’ve never done before:
I accepted six shillings. Well, it was late and what with one thing and
another I wanted the money. Will you believe it, I very carefully, as I
thought, hid it safe away in my bag, and this man—a very rough sort of
a man he was, I’m not surprised poor Peter runs away from them—I heard
him walking about the room when I woke up in the middle of the night.
And will you believe it, he’d gone to my bag and taken out his six
shillings, as well as fourpence-halfpenny of my own which was all I had
at the moment. He was really out of the house and gone in a flash, as
they say. I wouldn’t be surprised if he makes a regular trade of it with
women like myself. Well now, you can’t say a man like that is any better
than my cat. I was very angry about it, but anyone soon forgets. Though
I will say it was a warning.”
“I suppose you’d be glad to give up the life,” said Michael, and as he
asked the question, it seemed to him in this room and in the presence of
this woman a very futile one.
“Oh, I should be glad to give it up. Yes. You see, as I say, I’m really
at anyone’s mercy in here. But really what else could I do? You see, in
one way, the harm’s done.”
Michael looked at her tarnished hair; at her baggy cheeks raddled and
powdered; at the clumsy black upon her lashes that made so much the more
obvious the pleated lids beneath; at her neck already flaccid, and at
her dress plumped out like an ill-stuffed pillow to conceal the arid
flesh beneath. It certainly seemed as if the harm had been done.
“You see,” she went on, “though I have to put up with a great deal, it’s
only to be expected, after all. Now I was very severely brought up by my
father, and my mother being—well, it’s no use to mince matters as they
say—my mother really was a saint. Then of course after this occurred
with the Frenchman I told you about—that really was a downward step,
though at the time I was happy and though he was always very good to me
from the beginning to the end. Still, I’m used to refinement, and I have
a great deal to put up with here in this house. Not that I dislike the
woman who keeps it. But having paid my rent regular—eight-and-six, that
is....”
“Quite enough, too,” said Michael, looking up at the ceiling that was so
like the scarred surface of the moon.
“You’re right. It is enough. It is quite enough. But still I’m my own
mistress. No one interferes with me. At the same time I don’t interfere
with anybody else. I have the right to use the kitchen for my cooking,
but really Mrs. Cleghorne—that is the woman who keeps the house—really
she is not a clean cook, and very often my stomach is so turned that I
go all day with only a cup of tea.”
Michael was grateful to the impulse which had led him to cook his own
breakfast on a chafing dish.
“I interrupted you,” he said. “You were going to tell me something about
Mrs. Cleghorne.”
“Well, you must know, I had a friend who was very good to me, and this
seemed to annoy her. Perhaps she disliked the independence it gave me.
Well, she really caused a row between us by telling me she’d seen him
going round drinking with another woman. Now that isn’t a nice thing to
do, is it? One doesn’t want to go round drinking in public-houses. It
looks so bad. I spoke to him about it a bit sharp, and we’ve fallen out
over it. In fact, I haven’t seen him for some months. Still I shouldn’t
complain, but just lately what with one thing and another I had some
extras to get for my boy which was highly necessary you’ll
understand—well, as I was saying—what with one thing and another my
rent has been a little bit behind. Still, after you’ve paid regular for
close on two years, you expect a little consideration.”
“Have you lived in this burrow for two years?” Michael asked in
amazement.
“In the week before Christmas it’ll be two years. Yes. Not that Mrs.
Cleghorne herself has been so nasty, but she lets her mother come round
here and abuse me. Her mother’s an old woman, you’ll understand, and her
language—well, really it has sometimes made me feel sick.” She put her
hand up to her face with a gesture of disgust. “She stands in that
doorway and bullies me until I’m ashamed to sit on this bed and stand
it. I really am. You’d hardly believe there was such things to say to
anyone. I think I have a right to feel aggravated, and I’ve made up my
mind she isn’t going to do it again. I’m not going to have it.” She
was nodding at Michael with such energetic affirmation that the springs
of the bed creaked.
“The mother doesn’t live here?” he asked.
“Oh, no; she simply comes here for the purpose of bullying me. But I’m
not going to let it occur again. I don’t consider I’ve been well
treated. If I’d spent the money on gin, I shouldn’t so much object to
what the old woman calls me, for I don’t say my life isn’t a bit of a
struggle. But there’s so many things to use up the money, when I’ve got
what’s wanted for my boy, and paid the policeman on this beat his
half-crown which he expects, and tried to keep myself looking a little
bit smart—really I have to buy something occasionally, or where should
I be?—and I never waste money on clothes for clothes’ sake, as they
say—well, after that it’s none so easy to find eight-and-six for the
week’s rent and buy myself a bit of food and the cat’s milk.”
Michael had nothing to say in commentary. It seemed to him that even by
living above this woman he shared in the responsibility for her
wretchedness.
“I hope your boy will turn out well,” he ventured at last.
“Oh, he’s a good boy, he really is. And I have had hopes that perhaps
the Fathers will make him a Brother. I should really prefer that to his
being in the Civil Service.”
“Or even a priest,” Michael suggested.
“Well, you see, he wasn’t born in wedlock. Would that make a
difference?”
“I don’t think so,” said Michael gently. “Oh, no, I hope that wouldn’t
make a difference.”
He was finding the imagination of this woman’s life too poignant, and he
rose from the light blue chest to bid her good-bye. He begged inwardly
that she would not attempt to remind him of the relation in which she
had expected to stand to him. He feared to wound her, but he would have
to repulse her or go mad if she came near him. He plunged down into his
pocket for the two sovereigns. Half of this money he had thought an
exaggerated and cowardly bribe to buy off her importunity when she had
stood in the circle of lamplight, owlishly staring. Now he wished he had
five times as much. His pocket was empty! He felt quickly and hopelessly
in his other pockets. He could not find the gold. She must have robbed
him. He looked at her reproachfully. Was that the thief’s and liar’s
film glazing her eyes as they stared straight into his own? Was it
impossible to believe that he had pulled the sovereigns out of his
pocket, when nervously he had first seen her. But she had pawed him with
her hands in the black passage, and if the money had fallen on the road,
he must have heard it. He ought to tax her with the unjust theft; he
ought to tell her that what she had taken he had meant to give her. And
yet supposing she had not taken the money? She had said the cat
recognized him as a gentleman. Supposing she had not taken the
sovereigns, he would add by his accusation another stone to the weight
she bore. And if she had taken them, why not? The cat was not at hand
to warn her that he was to be trusted. She had not wanted the money for
herself. She had been preyed upon, and had learned to prey upon others
in self-defense.
“I find I haven’t any money with me,” said Michael, looking at her.
“That doesn’t matter. I’ve really quite enjoyed our little talk.”
“But I’ll send you some more,” he promised.
“No, it doesn’t matter. I haven’t done anything to have you send your
money for. I expect when you saw me in the light, you didn’t think I was
really quite your style. Of course, I’ve really come down. It’s no use
denying it. I’m not what I was.”
If she had robbed him, she wanted nothing more from him. If she had
robbed him, it was because in the humility of her degradation she had
feared to see him shrink from her in disgust.
“I shall send you some money for your boy,” he said, in the darkness by
the door.
“No, it doesn’t matter.”
“What’s your name?”
“Well, I’m known here as Mrs. Smith.” Doubtfully she whispered as the
cold air came in through the open door: “I don’t expect you’d care about
giving me a kiss.”
Michael had never known anything in his life so difficult to do, but he
kissed her cold and flaccid cheek and hurried up the area steps.
When he stood again upon the pavement in the menace of the five black
houses of Leppard Street, Michael felt that he never again could endure
to return to them at night, nor ever again in the day perceive their
fifty windows inscrutable as water. Yet he must walk for a while in the
stinging northerly air before he went back to his rooms; he must try to
rid himself of the oppression which now lay so heavily upon him; he must
be braced even by this lugubrious night of Pimlico before he could
encounter again the permeating fug of Leppard Street. He walked as far
as the corner, and saw in silhouette upon the bridge a solitary
policeman thudding his chest for warmth. In this abominable desert of
lamps he should have seemed a symbol of comfort, but Michael with the
knowledge of the power he wielded over the unfortunates beheld him now
as the brutish servant of a dominating class. He was, after all, very
much like a dressed-up gorilla, as he stood there thudding his chest in
the haggard lamplight.
Michael turned and went back to his rooms.
He stared at the picture of St. Ursula on the white wall, and suddenly
in a fit of rage he plucked it from the hook and ground it face downward
upon his writing-table. It seemed to him almost monstrous that anything
so serene should be allowed any longer to exist. Immediately afterward
he thought that his action had been melodramatic, and shamefacedly he
put away the broken picture in a drawer.
Lily was in London: and Mrs. Smith was beneath him in this house. In
twenty years Lily might be sunk in such a pit, unless he were quick to
save her now. All through the night he kept waking up with the fancy
that he could hear the rosary rattling in that den beneath; and every
time he knew it was only the sound of the broken hasp on his window
rattling in the wind.
Next morning, when he woke, Michael made up his mind to leave Leppard
Street finally in the course of this day. He could not bear the thought
that he would only have to lean out of his window to see the actual roof
which covered that unforgettable den beneath him. He wondered what would
be the best thing to do with the furniture. It might be worth while to
install Barnes in these rooms and pay his rent for some months instead
of the salary which, now that Lily had been seen, was no longer a
justifiable expenditure. He certainly would prefer that Barnes should
never meet Lily now, and he regretted he had revealed her name. Still he
had a sort of affection for Barnes which precluded the notion of
deserting him altogether. These rooms with their simple and unmuffled
furniture, the green shelves and narrow white bed, would be good for his
character. He would also leave a few chosen books behind, and he would
write and ask Nigel Stewart to visit here from time to time. Michael
dressed himself and went upstairs to interview Barnes where he lay
beneath a heap of bedclothes.
“Oh, I daresay I could make the rooms look all right,” said Barnes. “But
what about coal?”
“I shall pay for coal and light as well as the rent.”
“I thought you’d find it a bit dismal here,” said Barnes knowingly. “I
wonder you’ve stuck it out as long as you have.”
“After February,” Michael said, “I may want to come to some other
arrangement; but you can count on being here till then. Of course, you
understand that when the three months are up, I shan’t be able to allow
you five pounds a week any longer.”
“No, I never supposed you would,” said Barnes, in a tone of resignation.
Michael hesitated whether to speak to him about Mrs. Smith or not:
however, probably he was aware of her existence already, and it could do
no harm to mention it.
“Did you know that there was a woman living down in the basement here?”
he asked.
“I didn’t know there was one here; but it’s not a very rare occurrence
in this part of London, nor any other part of London, if it comes to
that.”
“If you hear any row going on down there,” said Michael, “you had better
interfere at once.”
“Who with?” Barnes inquired indignantly.
“With the row,” said Michael. “If the woman is being badly treated on
account of money she owes, you must let me know immediately.”
“Well, I’m not in the old tear’s secret, am I?” asked Barnes, in an
injured tone. “You can’t expect me to go routing about after every old
fly-by-night stuck in a basement.”
“I’m particularly anxious to know that she is all right,” Michael
insisted.
“Oh well, of course, if she’s a friend of yours, Fane, that’s another
matter. If it’s any little thing to oblige you, why certainly I’ll do
it.”
Michael said good-bye and left him in bed. Then he called in to see the
Solutionist, who was also in bed.
“I’ve got a commission for you,” said Michael.
The Solutionist’s watery eyes brightened faintly.
“You’re fond of animals, aren’t you?” Michael went on. “I see you
feeding your Belgian hares. Well, I’m interested in a cat who
appreciated my point of view. I want you to see that this cat has a
quart of milk left for her outside Mrs. Smith’s door every morning. Mrs.
Smith lives in the basement. You must explain to her that you are fond
of animals; but you mustn’t mention me. Here’s a check for five pounds.
Spend half this on the cat and the other half on your rabbits.”
The Solutionist held the check between his tremulous fingers.
“I couldn’t cash this nowadays,” he said helplessly. “And get a quart of
milk for a cat? Why, the thing would burst.”
“All right. I’ll send you postal orders,” said Michael. “Now I’m going
away for a bit. Never mind if a quart is too much. I want that amount
left every day. You’ll do what I ask? And you’ll promise not to say a
word about me?”
The Solutionist promised, and Michael left him looking more completely
puzzled than he had ever seen him.
Michael could not bring himself to the point either of going down into
the basement or of calling to Mrs. Cleghorne from the entrance to her
cave; and as the bell-pull in his room had never been mended, he did not
know how to reach her. The existence of Mrs. Smith had dreadfully
complicated the mechanism of Number One. He ought to have made Barnes
get out of bed and fetch her. By good luck Michael saw from his window
the landlady standing at the top of the area steps. He ran out and asked
her to come and speak to him.
“I see,” she said. “Mr. Barnes is to have your rooms, and you’re paying
in advance up to February. Oh, and his coal and his gas as well? I see.
Well, that you can settle month by month. Through me? Oh, yes.”
Mrs. Cleghorne was in a very good temper this morning. Michael could not
help wondering if Mrs. Smith had paid some arrears of her rent.
“Do you think Mr. Cleghorne would go and fetch me a hansom?” Michael
asked.
“He’s still in his bed, but I’ll go myself.”
This cheerfulness was really extraordinary; and Michael was flattered.
Already he was beginning to feel some of the deference mixed with hate
which throughout the underworld was felt toward landladies. Her
condescension struck him with the sense of a peculiar favor, as if it
were being bestowed from a superior height.
Michael packed up his kitbags and turned for a last look at the white
rooms in Leppard Street. Suddenly it struck him that he would take with
him one or two of the pictures and present them to Maurice’s studio in
Grosvenor Road. Mona Lisa should go there, and the Prince of Orange whom
himself was supposed to resemble slightly, and Don Baltazar on his big
horse. They should be the contribution which he had been intending for
some time to pay to that household. The cab was at the door, and
presently Michael drove away from Leppard Street.
As soon as he was in the hansom he felt he could begin to think of Lily
again, and though he knew that probably he was going to suffer a good
deal when they met, he nevertheless thought of her now with elation. It
had not seemed to be so sparkling a morning in Leppard Street; but
driving toward Maurice’s studio along the banks of the river, Michael
thought it was the most crystalline morning he had ever known.
“I’ve brought you these pictures,” he explained to Maurice, and let the
gift account for his own long disappearance from communion with his
friends. “They’re pretty hackneyed, but I think it’s rather good for you
to have a few hackneyed things amid the riot of originality here. What
are you doing, Mossy?”
“Well, I’m rather hoping to get a job as dramatic critic on The Point of
View.”
“You haven’t met your lady-love yet?”
“No, rather not, worse luck. Still, there’s plenty of time. What about
you?” Maurice asked the question indifferently. He regarded his friend
as a stone where women were concerned.
“I’ve seen her,” said Michael. He simply had to give himself the
pleasure of announcing so much.
“By Jove, have you really? You’ve actually found your fate?” Maurice was
evidently very much excited by Michael’s lapse into humanity; he had
been snubbed so often when he had rhapsodized over girls. “What’s she
like?”
“I haven’t spoken to her yet. I’ve only seen her in the distance.”
“And you’ve really fallen in love? I say, do stay and have lunch with me
here. Castleton isn’t coming back from the Temple until after tea.”
Michael would have liked to sit at the window and talk of Lily, while he
stared out over the sea of roofs under one of which at this very moment
herself might be looking in his direction. However, he thought if he
once began to talk about Lily to Maurice, he would tell him too much,
and he might regret that afterward. Yet he could not resist saying that
she was tall and fair and slim. Such epithets might be applied to many
girls, and it was only for himself that in this case they had all the
thrilling significance they did.
“I like fair girls best,” Maurice agreed. “But most fair girls are
dolls. If I met one who wasn’t, I should be hopelessly in love with
her.”
“Perhaps you will,” Michael said. Since he had seen Lily he felt very
generous, and even more than generosity he felt that he actually had the
power to offer to Maurice dozens of fair girls from whom he could choose
his own ideal. Really he must not stay a moment longer in the studio, or
he would be blurting out the whole tale of Lily; and were she to be his,
he must hold secrets about her that could never be unfolded.
“I really must bolt off,” he declared. “I’ve got a cab waiting.”
Michael drove along to Cheyne Walk, and when he reached home, it caused
the parlormaid not a flicker to receive him and to take his luggage and
inquire what should be obtained for his lunch.
“Life’s really too easy in this house,” he thought. “It’s so impossible
to surprise the servants here that one would give up trying ultimately.
I suppose that will be the beginning of settling down. At this rate, I
shall settle down much too soon. Yes, life is too easy here.”
Michael went to the Orient that night certain that he would meet Lily at
once, so much since he left Leppard Street had the imagination of her
raced backward and forward in his brain. Everything that would have made
their meeting painful in such surroundings was forgotten in the joyful
prospect at hand. The amount they would have to talk about was really
tremendous. Love had destroyed time so completely that Lily was to be
exactly the same as when first he had met her in Kensington Gardens.
However, her appearance on the pavement outside the theater had made
such a vivid new impression that Michael did pay as much attention to
lapsing time as to visualize her now in that black dress. Otherwise he
was himself again of six years ago, with only the delightful difference
that he was now independent and could carry her forthwith into marriage.
The knowledge that from a material point of view he could do this filled
him with a magnificent consciousness of life’s plenitude. So far, all
his experiments in living had been bounded by ignorance or credulity on
his own side, and on the side of other people by their unsuitableness
for experiments. Certainly he had made discoveries, but they might
better be called disillusionments. Now here was Lily who would give him
herself to discover, who would open for him, not a looking-glass world
in which human nature reflected itself in endless reduplications of
perversity, but a world such as lovers only know, wherein the greatest
deeps are themselves. Michael scarcely bothered to worry himself with
the thought that Lily had embarked upon her own discoveries apart from
him; she had been bewitched again by his romantic spells into the
innocent girl of seventeen. All his hopes, all his quixotry, all his
capacity for idealization, all his prejudice and impulsiveness converged
upon her. Whatever had lately happened to spoil his theory of behavior
was discounted; and even the very theory fell to pieces in this
intoxication of happiness.
With so much therefore to make him buoyant, it was depressing to visit
the Orient that evening without a glimpse of Lily. The disappointment
threw Michael very unpleasantly back into those evenings when he had
come here regularly and had always been haunted by the dread that, when
he did see her, his resolve would collapse in the presence of a new Lily
wrought upon by man and not made more lovable thereby. The vision of her
last night (it was only last night) had swept him aloft; the queer
adventure with the woman in the basement had exalted him still higher
upon his determination; his flight from Leppard Street and his return to
Cheyne Walk had helped to strengthen his hopefulness. Now he had
returned to this circumambient crowd, looking round as each newcomer
came up the steps, and all the while horribly aware that this evening
Lily was not coming to the Orient. He had never been upset like this
since his resolve was taken. The glimpse of her last night had made him
very impatient, and he reviled himself again for having been such a fool
as to let her escape. He fell in a rage with his immobility here in
London. He demanded why it was not possible to swirl in widening circles
round the city until he found her. He was no longer content to remain in
this aquarium, stuck like a mollusc to the side of the tank. He wanted
to see her again. He was fretful for her slow contemptuous walk and her
debonair smile. He wanted to see her again. Already this quest was
becoming the true torment of love. Every single other person in sight
was a dreary automaton in whom he took no trace of interest. Every
movement, every laugh, every shadow made him repine at its uselessness
to him. All those years at Oxford of dreams and hesitations had let him
store up within himself a very fury of love. He had been living falsely
all this time: there had never been one dull hour which could not have
been enchanted by her to the most glorious hour imaginable. He had
realized that when he saw her last night; he had realized all the waste,
all the deadness, all the idiotic philosophy and impotence of these
years without her. How the fancy of her vexed him now; how easily could
he in his frustration knock down the individuals of this senseless
restless crowd, one after another, like the dummies of humanity they
were.
The last tableau of the ballet had dissolved behind the falling curtain.
Lily was not here to-night, and he hurried out into Piccadilly. She must
be somewhere close at hand. It was impossible for her to come casually
like that to the Orient and afterward to disappear for weeks. Or was she
a man’s mistress, the mistress of a man of forty? He could picture him.
He would be a stockbroker, the sort of man whom one saw in first-class
railway carriages traveling up to town in the morning and reading The
Financial Times. He would wear a hideous orchid in his buttonhole and
take her to Brighton for week-ends. He knew just the shade of bluish
pink that his cheeks were; and the way his neck looked against his
collar; the shape of his mustache, the smell of his cigar, and his
handicap at golf.
It was impossible that Lily could be the mistress of a man like that.
Last night she had come out of the Orient with a girl. Obviously they
must at this moment be somewhere near Piccadilly. Michael rushed along
as wildly as a cat running after its tail. He entered restaurant after
restaurant, café after café, standing in the doorways and staring at the
tables one after another. The swinging doors would often hit him, as
people came in; the drinkers or the diners would often laugh at his
frown and his pale, eager gaze; often the manager would hurry up and ask
what he could do for him, evidently suspecting the irruption of a
lunatic.
Michael’s behavior in the street was even more noticeable. He often
ricocheted from the inside to the outside of the pavement to get a
nearer view of a passing hansom whose occupant had faintly resembled
Lily. He mounted omnibuses going in all sorts of strange directions,
because he fancied for an instant that he had caught a glimpse of Lily
among the passengers. It was closing-time before he thought he had been
searching for five minutes; and when the lights were dimmed, he walked
up and down Regent Street, up and down Piccadilly, up and down Coventry
Street, hurrying time after time to pursue a walk that might have been
hers.
By one o’clock Piccadilly was nearly empty, and it was an insult to
suppose that Lily would be found among these furtive women with their
waylaying eyes in the gloom. Michael went back tired out to Cheyne Walk.
On the following night he visited the Orient again and afterward
searched every likely and unlikely place in the neighborhood of the
heart of pleasure. He went also to the Empire and to the Alhambra;
sometimes hurrying from one to the other twice in the evening, when
panics that he was missing Lily overtook him. He met Lonsdale one night
at the Empire, and Lonsdale took him to several night-clubs which gave a
great zest to Michael’s search; for he became a member of them himself,
and so possessed every night another hour or more before he had to give
up hope of finding her.
Mrs. Fane wrote to him from Cannes to say she thought that, as she was
greatly enjoying herself on the Riviera, she would not come home for
Christmas. Michael was relieved by her letter, because he had felt
qualms about deserting her, and he would have found it difficult,
impossible really, to go away so far from London and Lily.
Guy wrote to him several times, urging him to come and stay at Plashers
Mead. Finally he went there for a week-end; and Guy spent the whole time
rushing in and out of the house on the chance of meeting Pauline Grey,
the girl whom Michael had seen with him in the canoe last summer. Guy
explained the complications of his engagement to Pauline; how it seemed
he would soon have to choose between love and art; how restrictions were
continually being put upon their meeting each other; and how violently
difficult life was becoming here at Plashers Mead, where Michael had
prophesied such abundant ease. Michael was very sympathetic, and when he
met Pauline on a soft December morning, he did think she was beautiful
and very much like the wild rose that Guy had taken as the symbol of
her. She seemed such a fairy child that he could not imagine problems of
conduct in which she could be involved. Nevertheless, it was impossible
not to feel that over Plashers Mead brooded a sense of tragedy: and yet
it seemed ridiculous to compare Guy’s difficulties with his own.
For Christmas Michael went down to Hardingham, where Stella and Alan had
by this time settled down in their fat country. He was delighted to see
how much the squire Alan was already become; and there was certainly
something very attractive in these two young people moving about that
grave Georgian house. The house itself was of red brick and stood at the
end of an avenue of oaks in a park of about two hundred acres. That it
could ever have not been there; that ever those lawns had been defaced
by builder’s rubbish was now inconceivable. So too within, Michael could
not realize that anybody else but Stella and Alan had ever stood in this
drawing-room, looking out of the tall windows whose sills scarcely rose
above the level of the grass outside; that anyone else but Stella and
Alan had ever laughed in this solemn library with its pilasters and
calf-bound volumes and terrestrial globe; that anyone else but Stella
and Alan had ever sat at dinner under the eyes of those bag-wigged
squires, that long-nosed Light Dragoon, or that girl in her chip hat,
holding a bunch of cherries.
“No doubt you’ve got a keen scent for tradition,” said Michael to
Stella. “But really you have been able to get into the manner
surprisingly fast. These cocker-spaniels, for instance, who follow you
both round, and the deerhound on the steps of the terrace—Stella, I’m
afraid the concert platform has taught you the value of effect; and
where do hounds meet to-morrow?”
“We’re simply loving it here,” Stella said. “But I think the piano is
feeling a little bit out of his element. He’s stiff with being on his
best behavior.”
“I’m hoping to get rather a good pitch in Six Ash field,” said Alan.
“I’ll show it to you to-morrow morning.”
The butler came in with news of callers:
“The Countess of Stilton and Lady Anne Varley.”
“Oh, damn!” Stella exclaimed, when the butler had retired. “I really
don’t think people ought to call just before Christmas. However, you’ve
both got to come in and be polite.”
Michael managed to squeeze himself into a corner of the drawing-room,
whence he could watch Lady Stilton and her daughter talking to Mr. and
Mrs. Prescott-Merivale.
“We ought not to have bothered you in this busy week before Christmas,
but my husband has been so ill in Marienbad, ever since the summer
really, that we only got home a fortnight ago. So very trying. And I’ve
been longing to meet you. Poor Dick Prescott was a great friends of
ours.”
Michael had a sudden intuition that Prescott had bequeathed Stella’s
interests to Lady Stilton, who probably knew all about her. He wondered
if Stella had guessed this.
“And Anne heard you play at King’s Hall. Didn’t you, Anne dear?”
Lady Anne nodded and blushed.
“That child is going to worship Stella,” Michael thought.
“We’re hoping you will all be able to come and dine with us for Twelfth
Night. My husband is so fond of keeping up old English festivals. Mr.
Fane, you’ll still be at Hardingham, I hope, so that we may have the
pleasure of seeing you as well?”
Michael said he was afraid he would have to be back in town.
“What absolute rot!” Stella cried. “Of course you’ll be here.”
But Michael insisted that he would be gone.
“They tell us you’ve been buying Herefords, Mr. Merivale. My husband was
so much interested and is so much looking forward to seeing your stock;
but at present he must not drive far. I’ve also heard of you from my
youngest boy who went up to Christ Church last October year. He is very
much excited to think that Hardingham is going to have such a
famous—what is it called, Anne?—some kind of a bowler.”
“A googlie bowler, I expect you mean, mother,” said Lady Anne.
“Wasn’t he in the Eton eleven?” asked Alan.
“Well, no. Something happened to oust him at the last moment,” said Lady
Stilton. “Possibly a superior player.”
“Oh, no, mother!” Lady Anne indignantly declared. “He would have played
for certain against Harrow, if he hadn’t sprained his ankle at the nets
the week before.”
“I do hope you’ll let him come and see you this vacation,” Lady Stilton
said.
“Oh, rather. I shall be awfully keen to talk about the cricket round
here,” Alan replied. “I’m just planning out a new pitch now.”
“How delightful all this is,” thought Michael, with visions of summer
evenings.
Soon Lady Stilton and her daughter went away, having plainly been a
great success with Mr. and Mrs. Prescott-Merivale.
“Of course, you’ve got to marry Anne,” said Stella to Michael, as soon
as they were comfortably round the great fire in the library.
“Alan,” Michael appealed. “Is it impossible for you to nip now forever
this bud of matchmaking?”
“I think it’s rather a good idea,” said Alan. “I knew young Varley by
sight. He’s a very sound bat.”
“I shan’t come here again,” Michael threatened, “until you’ve dissolved
this alliance of mutual admiration. Instead of agreeing with Stella to
marry me to every girl you meet, why don’t you devote yourself to the
task of making Huntingdon a first-class county in cricket? Stella might
captain the team.”
Time passed very pleasantly with long walks and rides and drives, with
long evenings of cut-throat bridge and Schumann; but on New Year’s
morning Michael said he must go back to London. Nor would he let himself
be deterred by Stella’s gibes.
“I admit you’re as happy as you can be,” he said. “Now surely you, after
so much generosity on my side, will admit that I may know almost as well
as yourselves how to make myself happy, though not yet married.”
“Michael, you’re having an affair with some girl,” Stella said
accusingly.
He shook his head.
“Swear?”
“By everything I believe in, I vow I’m not having an affair with any
girl. I wish I were.”
His luggage was in the hall, and the dogcart was waiting. At King’s
Cross he found a taxi, which was so difficult to do in those days that
it made him hail the achievement as a good omen for the New Year.
Near South Kensington Station he caught sight of a poster advertising a
carnival in the neighborhood: he thought it looked rather attractive
with the bright colors glowing into the gray January day. Later on in
the afternoon, when he went to his tobacconist’s in the King’s Road, he
saw the poster again and read that to-night at Redcliffe Hall, Fulham
Road, would take place a Grand Carnival and Masked Ball for the benefit
of some orphanage connected with licensed victualing. Tickets were on
sale in various public-houses of the neighborhood, at seven and sixpence
for gentlemen and five shillings for ladies.
“Ought to be very good,” commented the tobacconist. “Well, we want a
bit of brightening up nowadays down this way, and that’s a fact. Why, I
can remember Cremorne Gardens. Tut-tut! Bless my soul. Yes, and the old
World’s End. That’s going back into the seventies, that is. And it seems
only yesterday.”
“I rather wish I’d got a ticket,” said Michael.
“Why not let me get you one, sir, and send it round to Cheyne Walk? I
suppose you’d like one for a lady as well?”
“No, I’ll have two men’s tickets.”
Michael had a vague notion of getting Maurice or Lonsdale to accompany
him, and he went off immediately to 422 Grosvenor Road; but the studio
was deserted. Nor was he successful in finding Lonsdale. Nobody seemed
to have finished his holidays yet. It would be rather boring to go
alone, he thought; but when he found the tickets waiting for him, they
seemed to promise a jolly evening, even if he did no more than watch
other people enjoying themselves. No doubt there would be plenty of
spectators without masks, like himself, and in ordinary evening dress.
So about half-past nine Michael set off alone to the carnival.
Redcliffe Hall, viewed from the outside in the January fog which was
deepening over the city, seemed the last place in the world likely to
contain a carnival. It was one of those dismal gothic edifices which,
having passed through ecclesiastical and municipal hands with equal loss
to both, awaits a suitable moment for destruction before it rises again
in a phoenix of new flats. However, the awning hung with Japanese
lanterns that ran from the edge of the curb up to the entrance made it
now not positively forbidding.
Michael went up to the gallery and watched the crowd of dancers. Many of
the fancy dresses had a very homely look, but there were also
professional equipments from costumiers and a very few really beautiful
inventions. The medley of colors, the motion of the dance, the sound of
the music, the streamers of bunting and the ribbons fluttering round the
Maypole in the middle of the room, all combined to give Michael an
illusion of a very jocund assemblage. There were plenty of men dancing
without masks, which was rather a pity, as their dull, ordinary faces
halted abruptly the play of fancy. On second thoughts he was glad such
revelers were allowed upon the floor, since as the scene gradually began
to affect him he felt it might be amusing for himself to dance once or
twice before the evening ended. With this notion in view, he began to
follow more particularly the progress of different girls, balancing
their charms one against another, and always deriving a good deal of
pleasure from the reflection that, while at this moment they did not
know of his existence, in an hour’s time he might have entered their
lives. This thought did give a romantic zest to an entertainment which
would otherwise have been quite cut off from his appreciation.
Suddenly Michael’s heart began to quicken: the blood came in rushes and
swift recessions that made him feel cold and sick. Two girls walking
away from him along the side of the hall—those two pierrettes in
black—that one with the pale blue pompons was Lily! Why didn’t she turn
round? It must be Lily. The figure, the walk, the hair were hers. The
pierrettes turned, but as they were masked Michael could still not be
sure if one were Lily. They were dancing together now. It must be Lily.
He leaned over the rail of the gallery to watch them sweep round below
him, so that he might listen if by chance above the noise Lily’s
languorous voice could reach him. Michael became almost positive that it
was she. There could not be another girl to seem so like her. He hurried
down from the gallery and stood in the entrance to the ball-room. Where
were they now? They were coming toward him: the other pierrette with
the rose pompons said something as they passed. It could only be Lily
who bowed her head like that in lazy assent. It was Lily! Should he call
out to her, when next they passed him? If it were not Lily, what a fool
he would look. If it were not Lily, it would not matter what he looked,
for the disappointment would outweigh everything else. They were going
up the room again. They were turning the corner again. They were
sweeping toward him again. They were passing him again. He called “Lily!
Lily!” in a voice sharp with eagerness. Neither girl gave a sign of
attention. It was not she, after all. Yet his voice might have been
drowned in the noise of the dance. He would call again; but again they
passed him by unheeding. The dance was over. They had stopped at the
other end of the room. He pressed forward against the egress of the
dancers. He pressed forward roughly, and once or twice he heard
grumbling murmurs because he had deranged a difficult piece of
costumery. He was conscious of angry masks regarding him; and then he
was free of the crowd, and before him, talking together under a canopy
of holly were the two pierrettes. The musicians sat among the palms
looking at him as they rested upon their instruments. Michael felt that
his voice was going to refuse to utter her name:
“Lily! Lily!”
The pierrette with the pale blue pompons turned at the sound of his
voice. Why did she not step forward to greet him, if indeed she were
Lily? She was, she was Lily: the other pierrette had turned to see what
she was going to do.
“I say, how on earth did you recognize me?” Lily murmured, raising her
mask and looking at Michael with her smile that was so debonair and
tender, so scornful and so passionate.
“I saw you in November coming out of the Orient. I tried to get across
the road to speak to you, but you’d gone before I could manage it.
Where have you been all these years? Once I went to Trelawny Road, but
the house was empty.” He could not tell her that Drake had been the
first to bring him news of her.
“It’s years since I was there,” said Lily. “Years and years.” She turned
to call her friend, and the pierrette with the rose pompons came closer
to be introduced.
“Miss Sylvia Scarlett: Mr. Michael Fane. Aren’t I good to remember your
name quite correctly?” Michael thought that her mouth for a moment was
utterly scornful. “What made you come here? Have you got a friend with
you?”
Michael explained that he was alone, and that his visit here was an
accident.
“Why did you come?” he asked.
“Oh, something to do,” said Lily. “We live near here.”
“So do I,” said Michael hastily.
“Do you?” Her eyebrows went up in what he imagined was an expression of
rather cruel interrogation. “This is a silly sort of a show. Still, even
Covent Garden is dull now.”
Michael thought what a fool he had been not to include Covent Garden in
his search. How well he might have known she would go there.
“Where’s Doris?” he asked.
Lily shrugged her shoulders.
“I never see anything of her nowadays. She married an actor. I don’t
often get letters from home, do I, Sylvia?”
The pierrette with rose pompons, who ever since her introduction had
still been standing outside the conversation, now raised her mask.
Michael liked her face. She had merry eyes, and a wide nose rather
Slavonic. Next to Lily she seemed almost dumpy.
“Letters, my dear,” she exclaimed, in a very deep voice, “Who wants
letters?”
The music of a waltz was beginning, and Michael asked Lily if she would
dance with him. She looked at Sylvia.
“I don’t think....”
“Oh, what rot, Lily! Of course you can dance.”
Michael gave her a grateful smile.
In a moment Lily had lowered her mask, and they were waltzing together.
“My gad, how gloriously you waltz!” he whispered. “Did we ever dance
together five years ago?”
She shrugged her shoulders, and he felt the faint movement tremble
through the imponderable form he held.
“Lily, I’ve been looking for you since June,” he sighed.
“You’re breaking step,” she said. Though her mask was down, Michael was
sure that she was frowning at him.
“Lily, why are you so cold with me? Have you forgotten?”
“What?”
“Why, everything!” Michael gasped.
“You’re absolutely out of time now,” she said sternly.
They waltzed for a while in silence, and Michael felt like a midge
spinning upon a dazzle.
“Do you remember when we met in Kensington Gardens?” he ventured. “I
remember you had black pompons on your shoes then, and now you have pale
blue pompons on your dress.”
She was not answering him.
“It’s funny you should still be living near me,” he went on. “I suppose
you’re angry with me because I suddenly never saw you again. That was
partly your mother’s fault.”
She looked at him in faint perplexity, swaying to the melody of the
waltz. Michael thought he had blundered in betraying himself as so
obviously lovestruck now. He must be seeming to her like that absurd and
sentimental boy of five years ago. Perhaps she was despising him, for
she could compare him with other men. Ejaculations of wonder at her
beauty would no longer serve, with all the experience she might bring to
mock them. She was smiling at him now, and the mask she wore made the
smile seem a sneer. He grew so angry with her suddenly that almost he
stopped in the swing of the dance to shake her.
“But it was much more your fault,” he said savagely. “Do you remember
Drake?”
She shook her head; then she corrected herself.
“Oh, yes. Arthur Drake who lived next door to us.”
“Well, I saw you in the garden from his window. You were being kissed by
some terrible bounder. That was jolly for me. Why did you do that?
Couldn’t you say ‘no’? Were you too lazy?”
Michael thought she moved closer to him as they danced.
“Answer me, will you; answer me, I say. Were you too lazy to resist, or
did you enjoy being cheapened by that insufferable brute you were
flirting with?”
Michael in his rage of remembrance twisted her hand. But she made no
gesture, nor uttered any sound of pain. Instead she sank closer to his
arms, and as the dance rolled on, he told himself triumphantly that,
while she was with him, she was his again.
What did the past matter?
“Ah, Lily, you love me still! I’ll ask no more questions. Am I out of
step?”
“No, not now,” she whispered, and he saw that her face was pale with the
swoon of their dancing.
“Take off that silly mask,” he commanded. “Take it off and give it to
me. I can hold you with one arm.”
She obeyed him, and with a tremendous exultation he swung her round, as
if indeed he were carrying her to the edge of the world. The mask no
longer veiled her face; her eyelids drooped, clouding her eyes; her
lips were parted: she was now dead white. Michael crooked her left arm
until he could touch her shoulder.
“Look at me. Look at me. The dance will soon be over.”
She opened her eyes, and into their depths of dusky blue he danced and
danced until, waking with the end of the music, he found himself and
Lily close to Sylvia Scarlett, who was laughing at them where she stood
in the corner of the room under a canopy of holly.
Lily was for the rest of the evening herself as Michael had always known
her. She had always been superficially indifferent to anything that was
happening round her, and she behaved at this carnival as if it were a
street full of dull people among whom by chance she was walking. Nor
with her companions was she much more alert, though when she danced with
Michael her indifference became a passionate languor. Soon after
midnight both the girls declared they were tired of the Redcliffe Hall,
and they asked Michael to escort them home. He was going to fetch a cab,
but they stopped him, saying that Tinderbox Lane, where they lived, was
only a little way along on the other side of the Fulham Road. The fog
was very dense when they came out, and Michael took the girls’ arms with
a delicious sense of intimacy, with a feeling, too, of extraordinary
freedom from the world, as if they were all three embarked upon an
adventure in this eclipse of fog. He had packed their shoes deep down in
the pockets of his overcoat, and with the possession of their shoes he
had a sensation of possessing the wearers of them. The fog was denser
and denser: they paused upon the edge of the curb, listening for
oncoming traffic. A distant omnibus was lumbering far down the Fulham
Road. Michael caught their arms close, and the three of them seemed to
sail across to the opposite pavement. He had nothing to say because he
was so happy, and Lily had nothing to say because she talked now no more
than she used to talk. So it was Sylvia who had to carry on the
conversation, and since most of this consisted of questions to Lily and
Michael about their former friendship, which neither Lily nor Michael
answered, even Sylvia was discouraged at last; and they walked on
silently through the fog, Michael clasping the girls close to him and
watching all the time Lily’s hand holding up her big black cloak.
“Here we are, you two dreamers,” said Sylvia, pulling them to a stop by
a narrow turning which led straight from the pavement unexpectedly,
without any dip down into a road.
“Through here? How fascinating!” said Michael.
They passed between two posts, and in another three minutes stopped in
front of a door set in a wall.
“I’ve got the key,” said Sylvia, and she unlocked the door.
“But this is extraordinary,” Michael exclaimed. “Aren’t we walking
through a garden?”
“Yes, it’s quite a long garden,” Sylvia informed him. There was a smell
of damp earth here that sweetened the harshness of the fog, and Michael
thought that he had never imagined anything so romantic as following
Lily in single file along the narrow gravel path of a mysterious garden
like this. There must have been thirty yards of path, before they walked
up the steps of what seemed to be a sort of balcony.
“She’s downstairs,” said Sylvia, tapping upon a glass door with the key.
A woman’s figure appeared with an orange-shaded lamp in the passage.
“Open quickly, Mrs. Gainsborough. We’re frozen,” Sylvia called. As the
woman opened the door, Sylvia went on in her deep voice:
“We’ve brought an old friend of Lily’s back from the dance. It wasn’t
really worth going to. Oh, I oughtn’t to have said that, ought I?” she
laughed, turning round to Michael. “Come in and get warm. This is Mrs.
Gainsborough, who’s the queen of cards.”
“Get along with you, you great saucy thing,” said Mrs. Gainsborough,
laughing.
She was a woman of enormous size with a triplication of chins. Her
crimson cheeks shone with the same glister as her black dress; and her
black hair, so black that it must have been dyed, was parted in the
middle and lay in a chignon upon her neck. She seemed all the larger,
sitting in this small room full of Victorian finery, and Michael was
amused to hear her address Sylvia as “great.”
“We want something to eat and something to drink, you lovely old
mountain,” Sylvia said.
Mrs. Gainsborough doubled herself up and smacked her knees in a tempest
of wheezy laughter.
“Sit here, you terrors, while I get the cloth on the dining-room table,”
and out she went, her laughter dying in sibilations along the diminutive
corridor. Lily had flung herself down in an armchair near the fire.
Behind her stood a small mahogany table on which was a glass case of
humming-birds; by her elbow on the wall was a white china bell coronated
with a filigree of gilt, and by chance the antimacassar on the chair was
of Berlin wool checkered black and blue. She in her pierrette’s dress of
black with light blue pompons looked strangely remote from present time
in that setting. Michael could not connect this secluded house with
anything which had made an impression upon him during his experience of
the underworld. Here was nothing that was not cozy and old-fashioned;
here was no sign of decay, whether in the fabric of the house or in the
attitude of the people living there. This small square room with the
heavy furniture that occupied so much of the space had no demirep
demeanor. That horsehair sofa with lyre-shaped sides and back of
floriated wood; that brass birdcage hanging in the window against the
curtains of maroon serge; those cabinets in miniature, some lacquered,
some of plain wood with tiny drop-handles of brass; those black chairs
with seats of gilded cane; those trays with marquetery in
mother-of-pearl of wreaths and rivulets and parrots; that table-cloth
like a dish of black Sèvres; those simpering steel engravings—there was
nothing that did not bespeak the sobriety of the Victorian prime here
miraculously preserved. Lily and Sylvia in such dresses belonged to a
period of fantasy; Mrs. Gainsborough was in keeping with her furniture;
and Michael, as he looked at himself in the glass overmantel, did not
think that he was seeming very intrusive.
“Whose are these rooms?” he asked. Lily was adorable, but he did not
believe they were her creation or discovery.
“I found them,” said Sylvia. “The old girl who owns the house is bad,
but beautiful. Aren’t you, you most astonishing but attractive mammoth?”
This was addressed to Mrs. Gainsborough, who was at the moment panting
into the room for some accessory to the dining-table.
“Get along with you,” the landlady chuckled. “Now don’t go to sleep,
Lily. Your supper is just on ready.” She went puffing from the room in
busy mirthfulness.
“She’s one of the best,” said Sylvia. “This house was given to her by an
old General who died about two years ago. You can see the painting of
him up in her bedroom as a dare-devil hussar with drooping whiskers. She
was a gay contemporary of the Albert Memorial. You know. Argyle Rooms
and Cremorne. With the Haymarket as the center of naughtiness.”
It was funny, Michael thought, that his tobacconist should have
mentioned Cremorne only this afternoon. That he had done so affected him
more sharply now with a sense of the appropriateness of this house in
Tinderbox Lane. Appropriateness to what? Perhaps merely to the mood of
this foggy night.
“Supper! Supper!” Mrs. Gainsborough was crying.
It was dismaying for Michael to think that he had not kissed Lily yet,
and he wished that Sylvia would hurry ahead into the other room and give
him an opportunity. He wanted to pull her gently from that chair, up
from that chair into his arms. But Sylvia was the one who did so, and
she kissed Lily half fiercely, leaving Michael disconsolately to follow
them across the passage.
It was jolly to see Mrs. Gainsborough sitting at the head of the table
with the orange-shaded lamp throwing warm rays upon her countenance.
That it was near the chilly hour of one, with a cold thick fog outside,
was inconceivable when he looked at that cheery great porpoise of a
woman unscrewing bottles of India Pale Ale.
Michael did not want the questions about him and Lily to begin again. So
he turned the conversation upon a more remote past.
“Oh, my eye, my eye!” laughed Sylvia. “To think that Aunt Enormous was
once in the ballet at the Opera.”
“How dare you laugh at me? Whoof!” Mrs. Gainsborough gave a sort of
muffled bark as her arm pounced out to grab Sylvia. The two of them
frisked with each other absurdly, while Lily sat with wide-open blue
eyes, so graceful even in that stiff chair close up to the table, that
Michael was in an ecstasy of admiration, and marveled gratefully at the
New Year’s Day which could so change his fortune.
“Were you in the ballet?” he asked.
“Certainly I was, though this great teazing thing beside me would like
to make out that when I was eighteen I looked just as I do now.”
“Show the kind gentleman your picture,” said Sylvia. “She wears it round
her neck in a locket, the vain old mountebank.”
Mrs. Gainsborough opened a gold locket, and Michael looked at a rosy
young woman in a pork-pie hat.
“That’s myself,” said Mrs. Gainsborough sentimentally. “Well, and I
always loved being young better than anything or anybody, so why
shouldn’t I wear next my own heart myself as I used to be?”
“But show him the others,” Sylvia demanded.
Mrs. Gainsborough fetched from a desk two daguerreotypes in stained
morocco cases lined with faded piece velvet. By tilting their surfaces
against the light could be seen the shadow of a portrait’s wraith: a
girl appearing in pantalettes and tartan frock; a ballerina glimmering,
with points of faint celeste for eyes, and for cheeks the evanescence of
a ghostly bloom.
“Oh, look at her,” cried Sylvia. “In her beautiful pantalettes!”
“Hold your tongue, you!”
They started again with their sparring and mock encounters, which lasted
on and off until supper was over. Then they all went back to the other
room and sat round the fire.
“Tell us about the General,” said Sylvia.
“Go on, as if you hadn’t heard a score of times all I’ve got to tell
about the General—though you know I hate him to be called that. He’ll
always be the Captain to me.”
Soon afterward, notwithstanding her first refusal, Mrs. Gainsborough
embarked upon tales of gay days in the ’sixties and ’seventies. It was
astonishing to think that this room in which they were sitting could
scarcely have changed since then.
“The dear Captain! He bought this house for me in eighteen-sixty-nine
before I was twenty, and I’ve lived in it ever since. Ah, dear! many’s
the summer daybreak we’ve walked back here after dancing all night at
Cremorne. Such lovely lights and fireworks. Earl’s Court is nothing to
Cremorne. Fancy their pulling it down as they did. But perhaps it’s as
well it went, as all the old faces have gone. It would have given me the
dismals to be going there now without my Captain.”
She went on with old tales of London, tales that had in them the very
smoke and grime of the city.
“Who knows what’s going to happen when the clock strikes twelve?” she
said, shaking her head. “So enjoy yourselves while you can. That’s my
motto. And if there’s a hereafter, which good God forbid, I should be
very aggravated to find myself waltzing around as fat and funny as I am
now.”
The old pagan, who had mellowed slowly with her house for company,
seemed to sit here hugging the old friend; and as she told her tales it
was difficult not to think she was playing hostess to the spirits of her
youths to ghostly Dundrearies and spectral belles with oval faces.
Michael could have listened all night to her reminiscences of dead
singers and dead dancers, of gay women become dust and of rakes
reformed, of beauties that were now hags, and of handsome young
subalterns grown parched and liverish. Sylvia egged her on from story to
story, and Lily lay languidly back in her chair. It must be after two
o’clock, and Michael rose to go.
“We’ll have one song,” cried Sylvia, and she pulled Mrs. Gainsborough to
the piano. The top of the instrument was hidden by stacked-up albums,
and the front of it was of fretted walnut-wood across a pleating of
claret-colored silk.
Mrs. Gainsborough, pounding with her fat fingers the keys that seemed in
comparison so frail and old, sang in a wheezy pipe of a voice: The
Captain with his Whiskers took a Sly Glance at Me.
“But you only get me to do it, so as you can have a good laugh at me
behind my back,” she declared, swinging round upon the stool to face
Sylvia when she had finished.
“Nothing of the sort, you fat old darling. We do it because we like it.”
“Bless your heart, my dearie.” She laid a hand on Sylvia’s for an
instant. Michael thanked Mrs. Gainsborough for the entertainment, and
asked Sylvia if she thought he might come round to-morrow and take Lily
and her out to lunch.
“We can lunch to-morrow, can’t we?” Sylvia asked, tugging at Lily’s arm,
for she was now fast asleep.
“Is Michael going? Yes, we can lunch with him to-morrow,” Lily yawned.
He promised to call for them about midday. It seemed ridiculous to shake
hands so formally with Lily, and he hoped she would suggest that the
outside door was difficult to open. Alas, it was Sylvia who came to
speed his departure.
The fog was welcome to Michael for his going home. At this hour of the
night there was not a sound of anything, and he could walk on, dreaming
undisturbed. He supposed he would arrive ultimately at Cheyne Walk. But
he did not care. He would have been content to fill the long winter
night with his fancies. Plunging his hands down into the pockets of his
overcoat, he discovered that he had forgotten to take out the girls’
shoes, and what company they were through the gloom! It was a most
fascinating experience, to wander along holding these silky slippers
which had twinkled through the evening of this night. Not a cab-horse
blew a frosty breath by the curb; not a policeman loomed; nor passer-by
nor cat offended his isolation. The London night belonged to him; his
only were the footsteps echoing back from the invisible houses on either
side; and the golden room in Tinderbox Lane was never more than a few
yards in front.
He had found Lily at last, and he held her shoes for a token of his good
luck. Let no one tell him again that destiny was a fable. Nothing was
ever more deliberately foredoomed than the meeting at that carnival.
Michael was so grateful to his tobacconist that he determined to buy all
sorts of extravagant pipes and cigarette holders he had fingered vaguely
from time to time in the shop. For a while Lily’s discovery was colored
with such a glamour that Michael did not analyze the situation in which
he had found her. Walking back to Chelsea through the fog, he was
bemused by the romantic memory of her which was traveling along with his
thoughts. He could hold very tightly her shoes: he could almost embrace
the phantom of her beauty that curled upon the vapors round each lamp:
he was intoxicated merely by the sound of the street where she lived.
“Tinderbox Lane! Tinderbox Lane! Tinderbox Lane!”
He sang it in triumph, remembering how only this morning he had sighed
to himself, as he chased the telegraph-wires up and down the window of
the railway-carriage: “Where is she? Where is she? Where is she?”
“Tinderbox Lane! Tinderbox Lane! Tinderbox Lane!” he chanted at the fog,
and, throwing a slipper into the air, he caught it and ran on
ridiculously until he bumped into a policeman standing by the corner.
“I’m awfully sorry, constable.”
“Feeling a bit happy, sir, aren’t you?”
“Frightfully happy. I say, by the by, happy new year, constable. Drink
my health when you’re off duty.”
He pressed half-a-crown into the policeman’s hand, and as he left the
stolid form behind him in the fog, he remembered that half-a-crown was
the weekly blackmail paid by Mrs. Smith of Leppard Street. He was on the
Embankment now, and the fog had lifted so that he saw the black river
flowing sullenly through the night. The plane-trees dripped with
monotonous beads of dankness. The fog was become a mist here, a frore
whitish mist that saturated him with a malignant chill. Michael was glad
to find himself looking at the dolphin-headed knocker of 173 Cheyne
Walk. The effect of being in his own bedroom again, even though the
girls’ shoes lay fantastically upon the floor, was at first to make him
believe that Tinderbox Lane might have been a dream, and after that,
because he knew it was not a dream, to wonder about it.
Yet not even now in this austere and icy bedroom of his own could
Michael feel that there was anything really wrong about that small
house. It still preserved for him an illusion of sobriety and stability,
almost of primness, yet of being rich with a demure gaiety. Mrs.
Gainsborough, however, was scarcely a chaperone. Nor was she very
demure. And who was Sylvia? And what was Lily doing there? It would have
been mysterious, that household, in any case, but was it necessary to
assume that there was anything wrong? Sylvia was obviously a girl of
high spirits. He had asked her no questions about herself. She might be
on the stage. For fun, or perhaps because of their landlady’s kindling
stories, Sylvia might have persuaded Lily to come once or twice to the
Orient. It did not follow that there was anything wrong. There had been
nothing wrong in that carnival. Michael’s heart leaped with the fancy
that he was not too late. That would indeed crown this romantic night;
and, picking up Lily’s shoe, he held it for a while, wondering about its
secrets.
In the morning the fog had turned to a drench of dull January rain; but
Michael greeted the outlook as cheerfully as if it had been perfect May
weather. He went first to a post office to send off the money he had
promised to Mrs. Smith and the Solutionist. After this discharge of
business, he felt more cheerful than ever, and, as if to capture the
final touch of fantasy necessary to bewitch yesterday night, he suddenly
realized, when he was hurrying along Fulham Road in the rain, that he
had no idea of the number of Mrs. Gainsborough’s house. He also began to
wonder if there really could be such a place as Tinderbox Lane, and as
he walked on without discovering any indication of its existence, he
wondered if Sylvia had invented the name, so that he might never find
her and Lily again. It was an uneasy thought, for without a number and
without a name—but just as he was planning an elaborate way to discover
the real name of the street, he saw in front of him Tinderbox Lane
enameled in the ordinary characters of municipal direction. Here were
the two posts: here was the narrow entrance. The rumble of the traffic
grew fainter. On one side was a high blank wall; on the other a row of
two-storied houses. They were naturally dwellings of the poorer classes,
but at intervals a painter had acquired one, and had painted it white or
affixed green shutters with heart-shaped openings. The width of the
pavement varied continually, but generally at the beginning it was very
narrow. Later on, however, it became wide enough to allow trees to be
planted down the middle. Beyond this part was a block of new flats round
which Tinderbox Lane narrowed again to a mere alley looking now rather
dank and gloomy in the rain. Michael could not remember from last night
in the fog either the trees or the flats. The door of Lily’s lodging had
been set in a wall: here on one side was certainly a wall, but never a
door to relieve the grimy blankness. He began to feel discouraged, and
he walked round into the narrow alley behind the flats. Here were doors
in the wall at last, and Michael examined each of them in turn. Two were
dark blue: one was green: one was brown. 74: 75: 76: 77. He chose 77
because it was farthest away from the flats. After a very long wait, an
old woman holding over herself a very large umbrella opened it.
“Mrs. Gainsborough ...?” Michael began.
But the old woman had slammed the door before he could finish his
inquiry.
Michael rang the bell of 76, and again he waited a long time. At last
the door was opened, and to his relief he saw Mrs. Gainsborough herself
under a green and much larger umbrella than the old woman’s next door.
“I’ve come to take the girls out to lunch.”
“That’s a good boy,” she wheezed. “The dearies will be glad to get out
and enjoy themselves a bit. Here’s a day. This would have suited Noah,
wouldn’t it?”
She was leading the way up the gravel path, and Michael saw that in the
garden-beds there were actually Christmas roses in bloom. The house
itself was covered with a mat of Virginia creeper and jasmine, and the
astonishing rusticity of it was not at all diminished by the pretentious
gray houses of the next road which towered above it behind, nor even in
front by the flats with their eruption of windows. These houses with
doors in their garden-walls probably all belonged to individuals, and
for that reason they had escaped being overwhelmed by the development of
the neighborhood twenty years ago. Their four long gardens in a row must
be a bower of greenery in summer, and it was sad to think that the flats
opposite were no doubt due to the death of someone who had owned a
similar house and garden.
Michael remembered the balcony in front with steps on either side.
Underneath this he now saw that there was another entrance, evidently to
the kitchen. Two fairly large trees were planted in the grass that ran
up to the house on either side of the balcony.
“Those are my mulberries,” said Mrs. Gainsborough. “This is called
Mulberry Cottage. I’ve been meaning to have the name painted on the
outside door for nearly forty years, but I always forget. There’s a
character to give myself. Ah, dear me! The Captain loved his mulberries.
But you ought to see this in the springtime. Well, my flowers are really
remarkable. But there, it’s not to be wondered at. M’ father was a
nursery gardener.”
She looked round at Michael and winked broadly. He could not think why.
Possibly it was a comic association in her mind with the behavior of the
Captain in carrying her off from such a home.
“The Duke of Fulham to see you, girls,” she wheezed at the door of the
sitting-room, and, giving Michael a push, retreated with volleys of
bronchial laughter. The girls were sitting in front of the fire. Lily
was pretending to trim a hat: Sylvia was reading, but she flung her book
down as Michael entered. He had the curiosity to look at the title, and
found it was the Contes Drôlatiques of Balzac. An unusual girl, he
thought: but his eyes were all for Lily, and because he could not kiss
her, he felt shy and stupid. However, the shoes, which he now restored,
supplied an immediate topic, and he was soon perfectly at ease again.
Presently the girls left him to get ready to go out, and he sat thinking
of Lily, while the canary chirped in the brass cage. The silence here
was very like the country. London was a thousand miles away, and he
could hear Lily and Sylvia moving about overhead. Less and less did he
think there could be anything wrong with Mulberry Cottage. Yet the
apparent security was going to make it rather difficult to take Lily
away. Certainly he could ask her to marry him at once; but she might not
want to marry him at once. The discovery of her in this pleasant house
with a jolly friend was spoiling the grand swoop of rescue which he had
planned. She would not presumably be escaping from a situation she
abhorred. It was difficult to approach Lily here. Was it Sylvia who was
making it difficult? He must talk to Sylvia and explain that he had no
predatory intentions. She would surely be glad that he wanted to marry
Lily. Or would she not? Michael jumped up and tinkled the lusters on the
mantelshelf. “Sweet,” said the canary in the brass cage: the rain
sizzled without. Faintly pervading this small square room was the
malaise of someone’s jealousy. The tentative solution that was
propounding itself did not come from his own impression of Sylvia, but
it seemed positively to be an emanation from the four walls of the room
which in the stillness was able to force its reality upon him. “Sweet,”
said the canary: the lusters stopped their tinkling: the rain sizzled
steadily outside.
Lunch at Kettner’s was a great success. At least Michael thought it was
a great success, because Lily looked exquisite against the bronzy walls,
and her hair on this dull day seemed not to lack sunlight, but rather to
give to the atmosphere a thought of the sun, the rare and wintry sun.
Sylvia talked a great deal in her deep voice, and he was conscious that
the other people in the restaurant were turning round to envy their
table.
The longer that Michael was in the company of Lily and Sylvia, the less
he was able to ask the direct questions that would have been
comparatively easy at the beginning. Sylvia, by the capacity she
displayed of appreciating worldliness without ever appearing worldly
herself, made it impossible for him to risk her contempt by a stupid
question. She was not on the stage; so much he had discovered. She and
Lily had apparently a number of men friends. That fact would have been
disquieting, but that Sylvia talked of them with such a really
tomboyish zest as made it impossible to suppose they represented more
than what they were superficially, the companions of jolly days on the
river and at race-meetings, of jolly evenings at theaters and balls.
Quite definitely Michael was able to assure himself that out of the host
of allusions there was not one which pointed to any man favored above
the rest. He was able to be positive that Lily and Sylvia were
independent. Yet Lily had no private allowance or means. It must be
Sylvia who was helping her. Perhaps Sylvia was always strict, and
perhaps all these friends were by her held at arm’s length from Lily, as
he felt himself being held now. Her attitude might have nothing to do
with jealousy. But Sylvia was not strict in her conversation; she was,
indeed, exceptionally free. That might be a good sign. A girl who read
the Contes Drôlatiques might easily read Rabelais himself, and a girl
who read Rabelais would be inviolable. Michael, when Sylvia had said
something particularly broad, used to look away from Lily; and yet he
knew he need not have bothered, for Lily was always outside the
conversation; always under a spell of silence and remoteness. Of what
was she forever thinking? There were looking-glasses upon the bronzy
walls.
For a fortnight Michael came every day to Tinderbox Lane and took the
girls out; but for the whole of that fortnight he never managed to be
alone with Lily. Then one day Sylvia was not there when he called. To
find Lily like this after a tantalizing fortnight was like being in a
room heavily perfumed with flowers. It seemed to stifle his initiative,
so that for a few minutes he sat coldly and awkwardly by the window.
“We’re alone,” he managed to say at last.
“Sylvia’s gone to Brighton. She didn’t want to go a bit.”
“Bother Sylvia! Lily, we haven’t kissed for five years.”
He stumbled across to take her in his arms; and as he held her to him,
it was a rose falling to pieces, so did she melt upon his passion. He
heard her sigh; a coal slipped in the grate; the canary hopped from
perch to perch. These small sounds but wrapped him more closely in the
trance of silence.
“Lily, you will marry me, won’t you? Very soon? At once?”
Michael was kneeling beside her chair, and she was looking down at him
from clouded eyes still passionate. Marriage was an intrusion upon the
remoteness where they brooded; and he, ravished by their flamy blue
relucency, could not care whether she answered him or not. This was such
a contentment of desire that the future with the visible shapes of
action it tried to display was unheeded, while now she stirred in his
arms. She was his, and so for an hour she stayed, immortal, and yet most
poignantly the prisoner of time. Michael, with all that he had dreaded
at the back of his mind he would have to face in her condition, scarcely
knew how to celebrate this reward of his tenacity. This tranquillity of
caresses, this slow fondling of her wrist were a lullaby to his fears.
It was the very rhapsody of his intention to kneel beside her, murmuring
huskily the little words of love. He would have married her wherever and
whatever he found her, but the relief was overwhelming. He had thought
of a beautiful thing ruined; he had foreshadowed glooms and tragic
colloquies; he had desperately hoped his devotion might be granted at
least the virtue of a balm. Instead, he found this ivory girl, this
loveliness of rose and coral within his arms. So many times she had
eluded him in dreams upon the midway of the night, and so often in
dreams he had held her for kisses that were robbed from him by the
sunlight of the morning, that he scarcely could believe he held her
now, now when her hair was thistledown upon his cheeks, when her mouth
was a butterfly. He shuddered to think how soon this airy beauty must
have perished; and even now what was she? A shred of goldleaf on his
open hand, pliant, but fugitive at a breath, and destructible in a
moment of adversity.
Always in their youth, when they had sat imparadised, Michael had been
aware of the vulgar Haden household in the background. Now, here she was
placed in exactly the room where he would have wished to find her,
though he would scarcely desire to maintain her in such a setting. He
could picture her at not so distant a time in wonderful rooms, about
whose slim furniture she would move in delicate and languorous
promenades. This room pleased him, because it was the one from which he
would have wished to take her into the misty grandeurs he imagined for
her lodging. It was a room he would always regard with affection,
thinking of the canary in the brass cage and the Christmas roses blowing
in the garden and the low sounds of Mrs. Gainsborough busy in her
kitchen underneath. Tinderbox Lane! It was an epithalamium in itself;
and as for Mulberry Cottage, it had been carried here by the fat pink
loves painted on the ceiling of that Cremorne arbor in which the Captain
had first imagined his gift.
So with fantastic thoughts and perfect kisses, perfect but yet ineffably
vain because they expressed so little of what Michael would have had
them express, the hour passed.
“We must talk of practical things,” he declared, rising from his knees.
“You always want to talk,” Lily pouted.
“I want to marry you. Do you want to marry me?”
“Yes; but it’s so difficult to do things quickly.”
“We’ll be married in a month. We’ll be married on Saint Valentine’s
Day,” Michael announced.
“It’s so wet now to think of weddings.” She looked peevishly out of the
window.
“You haven’t got to think about it. You’ve got to do it.”
“And it’s so dull,” she objected. “Sylvia says it’s appallingly dull.
And she’s been married.”
“What has Sylvia got to do with it?” he demanded.
“Oh, well, she’s been awfully sweet to me. And after all, when mother
died, what was I to do? I couldn’t bear Doris any more. She always gets
on my nerves. Anyway, don’t let’s talk about marriage now. In the summer
I shall feel more cheerful. I hate this weather.”
“But look here,” he persisted. “Are you in love with me?”
She nodded, yet too doubtfully to please him.
“Well, if you’re not in love with me....”
“Oh, I am, I am! Don’t shout so, Michael. If I wasn’t awfully fond of
you, I shouldn’t have made Sylvia ask you to come back. She hates men
coming here.”
“Are you Sylvia’s servant?” said Michael, in exasperation.
“Don’t be stupid. Of course not.”
“It’s ridiculous,” he grumbled, “to quote her with every sentence.”
“Why you couldn’t have stayed where you were,” said Lily fretfully, “I
don’t know. It was lovely sitting by the fire and being kissed. If
you’re so much in love with me, I wonder you wanted to get up.”
“So, we’re not to talk any more about marriage?”
After all, he told himself, it was unreasonable of him to suppose that
Lily was likely to be as impulsive as himself. Her temperament was not
the same. She did not mean to discourage him.
“Don’t let’s talk about anything,” said Lily. He could not stand aloof
from the arms she held wide open.
Sylvia would not be coming back for at least three days, and Michael
spent all his time with Lily. He thought that Mrs. Gainsborough looked
approvingly upon their love; at any rate, she never worried them. The
weather was steadily unpleasant, and though he took Lily out to lunch,
it never seemed worth while to stay away from Tinderbox Lane very long.
One night, however, they went to the Palace, and afterward, when he
asked her where she would like to go, she suggested Verrey’s. Michael
had never been there before, and he was rather jealous that Lily should
seem to know it so well. However, he liked to see her sitting in what he
told himself was the only café in London which had escaped the
cheapening of popularity and had kept its old air of the Third Empire.
As Lily was stirring her lemon-squash, her languid forearm looked very
white swaying from the somber mufflings of her cloak. Something in her
self-possession, a momentary hardness and disdain, made Michael suddenly
suspicious.
“Do you enjoy Covent Garden balls?” he asked.
She shrugged her shoulders.
“It depends who we go with. Often I don’t care for them much. And the
girls you see there are frightfully common.”
He could not bring himself to ask her straight out what he feared. If it
were so, let it rest unrevealed. The knowledge would make no difference
to his resolution. People began to come into the café, shaking the wet
from their shoulders; and the noise of the rain was audible above the
conversation.
“I wish we could have had one fine day together,” said Michael
regretfully. “Do you remember when we used to go for long walks in the
winter?”
“I must have been very fond of you,” Lily laughed. “I don’t think you
could make me walk like that now.”
“Aren’t you so fond of me now?” he asked reproachfully.
“You ought to know,” she whispered.
All the way home the raindrops were flashing in the road like bayonets,
and her cheeks were dabbled with the wet.
“Shall I come in?” Michael asked, as he waited by the door in the wall.
“Yes, come in and have something to drink, of course.”
He was stabbed by the ease of her invitation.
“Do you ask all these friends of yours to come in and have a drink after
midnight?”
“I told you that Sylvia doesn’t like me to,” she said.
“But you would, if she didn’t mind?” Michael went on, torturing himself.
“How fond you are of ‘ifs,’” she answered. “I can’t bother to think
about ‘ifs’ myself.”
If only he had the pluck to avoid allusions and come at once to grips
with truth. Sharply he advised himself to let the truth alone. Already
he was feeling the influence of Lily’s attitude. He wondered if, when he
married her, all his activity would swoon upon Calypso like this. It was
as easy to dream life away in the contemplation of a beautiful woman as
in the meditation of the Oxford landscape.
“Happiness makes me inactive,” said Michael to himself. “So of course I
shall never really be happy. What a paradox.”
He would not take off his overcoat. He was feeling afraid of a surrender
to-night.
“I’m glad I didn’t suggest staying late,” he thought, as he walked away
down the dripping garden path. “I should have been mad with unreasonable
suspicions, if she had said ‘yes.’”
Sylvia came back next day, and though Michael still liked her very much,
he was certain now of her hostility to him. He was conscious of malice
in the air, when she said to Lily that Jack wanted them to have dinner
with him to-night and go afterward to some dance at Richmond. Michael
was furious that Lily should be invited to Richmond, and yet until she
had promised to marry him how could he combat Sylvia’s influence? And
who was Jack? And with whom had Sylvia been to Brighton?
The day after the dance, Michael came round about twelve o’clock as
usual, but when he reached the sitting-room only Sylvia was before the
fire.
“Lily isn’t down yet,” she told him.
He was aware of a breathlessness in the atmosphere, and he knew that he
and Sylvia were shortly going to clash.
“Jolly dance?” he asked.
She shrugged her shoulders, and there was a long pause.
“Will Lily be dressed soon? I rather want to take her out.” Michael
flung down his challenge.
“She’s been talking to me about what you said yesterday,” Sylvia began.
Michael could not help liking her more and more, although her
countenance was set against him. He could not help admiring that
out-thrust underlip and those wide-set, deep and bitter brown eyes.
“When do you propose to marry her?” Sylvia went on.
“As soon as possible,” he said coolly.
“Which of us do you think has the greater influence over her?” she
demanded.
“I really don’t know. You have rather an advantage over me in that
respect.”
“I’m glad you admit that,” interrupted Sylvia, with sarcastic chill.
“You have personality. You’ve probably been very kind to Lily. You’re
cleverer than she is. You’re with her all the time. I’ve only quite
suddenly come into her life again.”
“I’m glad you think you’ve managed to do that,” she said, glowering.
More and more, Michael thought, with her wide-set eyes was she like a
cat crouching by the fire.
“Just because I had to go away for three days and you had an opportunity
to be alone with Lily, you now think you’ve come into her life. My god,
you’re like some damned fool in a novel!”
“A novel by whom?” Michael asked. Partly he was trying to score off
Sylvia, but at the same time he was sincerely curious to know, for he
never could resist the amplification of a comparison.
“Oh, any ink-slinger with a brain of pulp,” she answered savagely.
He bowed.
“I suppose you’re suffering from the virus of sentimental redemption?”
she sneered.
Michael was rather startled by her divination.
“What should I redeem her from?”
“I thought you boasted of knowing Lily six years ago?”
“I don’t know that I boasted of it,” he replied, in rather an injured
tone. “But I did know her—very well.”
“Couldn’t you foresee what she was bound to become? Personally I should
have said that Lily’s future must have been obvious from the time she
was five years old. Certainly at seventeen it must have been. You got
out of her life then: what the hell’s your object in coming into it
again now, as you call it, unless you’re a sentimentalist? People don’t
let passion lapse for six years and pick up the broken thread without
the help of sentiment.”
Michael in the middle of the increasing tension of the conversation was
able to stop for a moment and ask himself if this by chance were true.
He was standing by the mantelpiece and tinkling the lusters. Sylvia
looked up at him irritably, and he silenced them at once.
“Sentiment about what?” he asked, taking the chair opposite hers.
“You think Lily’s a tart, don’t you? And you think I am, don’t you?”
He frowned at the brutality of the expression.
“I did think so,” he said. “But of course I’ve changed my mind since
I’ve seen something of you.”
“Oh, of course you’ve changed your mind, have you?” she laughed
contemptuously. “And what made you do that? My visit to Brighton?”
“Even if you are,” said Michael hotly, “I needn’t believe that Lily
is. And even if she is, it makes no difference to my wanting to marry
her.”
“Sentimentalist,” she jeered. “Damned sugar-and-water sentimentalist.”
“Your sneers don’t particularly affect me, you know,” he said politely.
“Oh, for god’s sake, be less the well-brought-up little gentleman. Cut
out the undergraduate. You fool, I was married to an Oxford man. And I’m
sitting here now with the glorious knowledge that I’m a perpetual
bugbear to his good form.”
“Because you made a hash of marriage,” Michael pointed out, “it doesn’t
follow that I’m not to marry Lily. I can’t understand your objections.”
“Listen. You couldn’t make her happy. You couldn’t make her any happier
than the dozens of men who want to be fond of her for a short time
without accepting the responsibility of marriage. Do you think I let any
one of those dozens touch her? Not one, if I can get the money myself.
And I usually can. Well, why should I stand aside now and let you carry
her off, even though you do want to marry her? I could argue against it
on your side by telling you that you have no chance of keeping Lily
faithful to you? Can’t you see that she has no moral energy? Can’t you
see that she’s vain and empty-headed? Can’t you see that? But why should
I argue with you for your benefit? I don’t care a damn about your side
in the matter.”
“What exactly do you care about?” Michael asked. “If Lily is what you
say, I should have thought you’d be glad to be rid of her. After all,
I’m not proposing to do her any wrong.”
“Oh, to the devil with your right and wrong!” Sylvia cried. “Man can
only wrong woman, when he owns her, and if this marriage is going to be
a success, you’ll have to own Lily. That’s what I rebel against—the
ownership of women. It makes me mad.”
“Yes, it seems to,” Michael put in. He was beginning to be in a rage
with Sylvia’s unreasonableness. “If it comes to ownership,” he went on
angrily, “I should have thought that handing her over to the highest
bidder time after time would be the real way to make her the pitiable
slave of man.”
“Why?” challenged Sylvia. “You sentimental ass, can’t you understand
that she treats them as I treat them, like the swine they are. She’s
free. I’m free.”
“You’re not at all free,” Michael indignantly contradicted. “You’re
bound hand and foot by the lust of wealthy brutes. If you read a few
less elaborately clever books, and thought a few simpler thoughts, you’d
be a good deal happier.”
“I don’t want to be happier.”
“Oh, I think you’re merely hysterical,” he said disdainfully. “But,
after all, your opinions about yourself don’t matter to me. Only I
can’t see what right you have to apply them to Lily; and even if you
have the right, I don’t grasp your reason for wanting to.”
“When I met Lily first,” said Sylvia, “she had joined the chorus of a
touring company in which I was. Her mother had just died, and I’d just
run away from my husband. I thought her the most beautiful thing I’d
ever seen. That’s three years ago. Is she beautiful still?”
“Of course she is,” said Michael.
“Well, it’s I who have kept her beautiful. I’ve kept her free also. If
sometimes I’ve let her have affairs with men, I’ve taken care that they
were with men who could do her no harm, for whom she had no sort of....”
“Look here,” Michael burst in. “I’m sick of this conversation. You’re
talking like a criminal lunatic. I tell you I’m going to marry her,
whatever you think.”
“I say you won’t, and you shan’t,” Sylvia declared.
The deadlock had been reached, and they sat there on either side of the
fire, glaring at each other.
“The extraordinary thing is,” said Michael at last, “I thought you had a
sense of humor when I first met you. And another extraordinary thing is
that I still like you very much. Which probably rather annoys you. But I
can’t help saying it.”
“The opinions of sentimentalists don’t interest me one way or the
other,” Sylvia snapped.
“Will you answer one question? Will you tell me why you were so pleasant
on the evening we met?”
“I really can’t bother to go back as far as that.”
“You weren’t jealous then,” Michael persisted.
“Who says I’m jealous now?” she cried.
“I do. What do you think you are, unless you’re jealous? When is Lily
coming down?”
“She isn’t coming down until you’ve gone.”
“Then I shall go and call her.”
“She’s not in London.”
“I don’t believe you.”
A second deadlock was reached. Finally Michael decided to give Sylvia
the pleasure of supposing that he was beaten for the moment. He
congratulated himself upon the cunning of such a move. She was obviously
going to be rather difficult to circumvent.
On the steps of the balcony he turned to her:
“You hate me because I love Lily, and you hate me twice as much because
Lily loves me.”
“It’s not true,” Sylvia declared. “It’s not true. She doesn’t love you,
and what right have you to love her?”
She tossed back her mane of brown hair, biting her nails.
“What college was your husband at?” Michael suddenly inquired.
“Balliol.”
“I wonder if I knew him.”
“Oh, no. He was older than you.”
It was satisfactory, Michael thought as he walked down Tinderbox Lane,
that the conversation had ended normally. At least, he had effected so
much. She had really been rather wonderful, that strange Sylvia. He
would very much like to pit her against Stella. It was satisfactory to
have his doubts allayed: notwithstanding her present opposition, he felt
that he did owe Sylvia a good deal. But it would be absurd to let Lily
continue in such a life: women always quarreled ultimately, and if
Sylvia were to leave her, her fall would be rapid and probably
irredeemable. Besides, he wanted her for himself. She was to him no less
than to Sylvia the most beautiful thing in the world. He did not want to
marry a clever woman: he would be much more content with Lily, from whom
there could be no reaction upon his nerves. Somehow all his theories of
behavior were being referred back to his own desires. It was useless to
pretend any longer that his pursuit had been quixotry. Even if it had
seemed so on that night when he first heard the news of Lily from Drake,
the impulse at the back of his resolve had been his passion for her.
When he looked back at his behavior lately, a good deal of it seemed to
have been dictated by self-gratification. He remembered how deeply hurt
he had felt by Poppy’s treatment of what he had supposed his chivalry.
In retrospect his chivalry was seeming uncommonly like
self-satisfaction. His friendship for Daisy; for Barnes; for the
underworld; it had been nothing but self-satisfaction. Very well, then.
If self was to be the touchstone in future, he could face that standard
as easily as any other. By the time he had reached the end of Tinderbox
Lane Michael was convinced of his profound cynicism. He felt truly
obliged to Sylvia for curing him of sentiment. He had so often inveighed
against sentiment as the spring of human action, that he was most
sincerely grateful for the proof of his own sentimental bias. He would
go to Sylvia to-morrow and say frankly that he did not care a bit what
Lily had been, was now, or would be; he wanted her. She was something
beautiful which he coveted. For the possession of her he was ready to
struggle. He would declare war upon Sylvia as upon a rival. She should
be rather surprised to-morrow morning, Michael thought, congratulating
himself upon this new and ruthless policy.
On the next morning, however, all Michael’s plans for his future
behavior were knocked askew by being unable to get into Mulberry
Cottage. His brutal frankness; his cynical egotism; his cold resolution,
were ignominiously repulsed by a fast-closed door. Ringing a bell at
intervals of a minute was a very undignified substitute for the position
he had imagined himself taking up in that small square room. This
errand-boy who stood at his elbow, gazing with such rapt interest at
his ringing of the bell, was by no means the audience he had pictured.
“Does it amuse you to watch a bell being rung?” Michael asked.
The errand-boy shook his head.
“Well, why do you do it?”
“I wasn’t,” said the errand-boy.
“What are you doing, then?”
“Nothing.”
Michael could not grapple with the errand-boy, and he retired from
Tinderbox Lane until after lunch. He rang again, but he could get no
answer to his ringing. At intervals until midnight he came back, but
there was never an answer all the time. He went home and wrote to
Sylvia:
173 CHEYNE WALK,
S.W.
Dear Sylvia,
If you aren’t afraid of being beaten, why are you afraid to let me
see Lily?
I dare you to let me see her. Be sporting.
Yours,
M. F.
To Lily he wrote:
Darling,
Meet me outside South Kensington Station any time from twelve to
three.
Michael.
Alone, of course.
Next day he waited three hours and a half for Lily, but she did not
come. All the time he spent in a second-hand bookshop with one eye on
the street. When he got home, he found a note from Sylvia:
Come to-morrow at twelve.
S. S.
Michael crumpled up the note and flung it triumphantly into the
waste-paper basket.
“I thought I should sting you into giving way,” he exclaimed.
Mrs. Gainsborough opened the door to him, when he arrived.
“They’ve gone away, the demons!” was what she said.
Michael was conscious of the garden rimmed with hoar-frost stretching
behind her in a vista; and as he stared at this silver sparkling desert
he realized that Sylvia had inflicted upon him a crushing humiliation.
“Where have they gone?” he asked blankly.
“Oh, they never tell me where they get to. But they took their luggage.
There’s a note for you from Sylvia. Come in, and I’ll give it to you.”
Michael followed her drearily along the gravel path.
“We shall be having the snowdrops before we know where we are,” Mrs.
Gainsborough said.
“Very soon,” he agreed. He would have assented if she had foretold
begonias to-morrow morning.
In the sitting-room Michael saw Sylvia’s note, a bleak little envelope
waiting for him on that table-cloth. Mrs. Gainsborough left him to read
it alone. The old silence of the room haunted him again now, the silence
that was so much intensified by the canary hopping about his cage.
Almost he decided to throw the letter unread into the fire.
From every corner of the room the message of Sylvia’s hostility was
stretching out toward him. “Sweet,” said the canary. Michael tore open
the envelope and read:
Perhaps you’ll admit that my influence is as strong as yours. You’d
much better give her up. In a way, I’m rather sorry for you, but
not enough to make me hand over Lily to you. Do realize, my dear
young thing, that you aren’t even beginning to understand women. I
admit that there’s precious little to understand in Lily. And for
that very reason, when even you begin to see through her beauty,
you’ll hate her. Now I hate to think of this happening. She’s a
thousand times better off with me than she ever could be with you.
Perhaps my maternal instinct has gone off the lines a bit and fixed
itself on Lily. And yet I don’t think it’s anything so sickly as
sentimental mothering. No, I believe I just like to sit and look at
her. Lily’s rather cross with me for taking her away from “such a
nice boy.” Does that please you? And doesn’t it exactly describe
you? However, I won’t crow. Don’t break the lusters, when you read
this. They belong to Fatty. What I suggest for you is a walk in
Kensington Gardens to the refrain of “Blast the whole bloody
world!” Now look shocked, my little Vandyck.
S. S.
Michael tore the letter up. He did not want to read and re-read it for
the rest of the day. His eyelids were pricking unpleasantly, and he went
out to find Mrs. Gainsborough. He was really sensitive that even a room
should witness such a discomfiture. The landlady was downstairs in the
kitchen, where he had not yet been. In this room of copper pots and
pans, with only the garden in view, she might have been a farmer’s wife.
“Sit down,” she said. “And make yourself at home.”
“Will you sit down?” Michael asked.
“Oh, well, yes, if it’s any pleasure to you.” She took off her apron and
seated herself, smoothing the bombasine skirt over her knees.
A tabby cat purred between them; a kettle was singing; and there was a
smell of allspice.
“You really don’t know where the girls have gone?” Michael began.
“No more than you do,” she assured him. “But that Sylvia is really a
Turk.”
“I suppose Lily didn’t tell you that I used to know her six years ago?”
he asked.
“Oh, yes, she talked about you a lot. A good deal more than Miss Sylvia
liked, that’s a sure thing.”
“Well, do you think it’s fair for Sylvia to carry her off like this? I
want to marry Lily, Mrs. Gainsborough.”
“There, only fancy what a daring that Sylvia has. She’s a nice girl, and
very high-spirited, but she is a Miss Dictatorial.”
Michael felt encouraged by Mrs. Gainsborough’s attitude, and he made up
his mind to throw himself upon her mercy. Sentiment would be his only
weapon, and he found some irony in the reflection that he had set out
this morning to be a brutal cynic in his treatment of the situation.
“Do you think it’s fair to try to prevent Lily from marrying me? You
know as well as I do that the life she’s leading now isn’t going to be
the best life possible for her. You’re a woman of the world, Mrs.
Gainsborough——”
“I was once,” she corrected. “And a very naughty world it was, too.”
“You were glad, weren’t you, when the Captain brought you to this house?
You were glad to feel secure? You would have married him?”
“No, I wouldn’t marry him. I preferred to be as I am. Still that’s
nothing for Lily to go by. She’s more suited for marriage than what I
was.”
“Don’t you think,” Michael went on eagerly, “that if after six years I’m
longing to marry her, I ought to marry her? I know that she might be
much worse off than she is, but equally she might be much better off.
Look here, Mrs. Gainsborough, it’s up to you. You’ve got to make it
possible for me to see her. You’ve got to.”
“But if I do anything like that,” said Mrs. Gainsborough, “it means I
have an unpleasantness with Sylvia. That girl’s a regular heathen when
she turns nasty. I should be left all alone in my little house. And what
with Spring coming on and all, and the flowers looking so nice in the
garden, I should feel very much the square peg in the round hole.”
“Lily and I would come and see you,” he promised. “And I don’t think
Sylvia would leave you. She’d never find another house like Mulberry
Cottage or another landlady like you.”
“Yes, I daresay; but you can’t tell these things. Once she’s in her
tantrums, there’s no saying what will happen. And, besides, I don’t know
what you want me to do.”
“I want you to send me word the first moment that Lily’s alone for an
hour; and when I ring, do answer the bell.”
“Now that wasn’t my fault yesterday,” said Mrs. Gainsborough. “Really I
thought we should have the fire-escape in. The way you nagged at that
poor bell! It was really chronic. But would she let me so much as speak
to you, even with the door only on the jar? Certainly not! And all the
time she was snapping round the house like a young crocodile. And yet
I’m really fond of that girl. Well, when the Captain died, she was a
daughter to me. Oh, she was, she was really a daughter to me. Well, you
see, his sister invited me to the funeral, which I thought was very
nice, her being an old maid and very strict. Now, I hardly liked to put
on a widow’s cap and yet I hardly didn’t like to. But Sylvia, she said
not on any account, and I was very glad I didn’t, because there was a
lot of persons there very stand-offish, and I should have been at my
wits to know whatever I was going to say.”
“Look here,” said Michael. “When the Captain gave you this house, he
loved you. You were young, weren’t you? You were young and beautiful?
Well, would you like to think your house was going to be used to
separate two people very much in love with each other? You can say I
climbed over the wall. You can make any excuse you like to Sylvia. But,
Mrs. Gainsborough, do, do let me know when Lily is going to be alone. If
she doesn’t want to come away with me, it will be my fault, and that
will be the end of it. If only you’ll help me at the beginning. Will
you? Will you promise to help me?”
“I never could resist a man,” sighed Mrs. Gainsborough, with
resignation. “There’s a character! Oh, well, it’s my own and no one
else’s, that’s one good job.”
Michael had to wait until February was nearly over before he heard from
her. It had been very difficult to remain quietly at Cheyne Walk, but he
knew that if he were to show any sign of activity, Sylvia would carry
Lily off again.
“A person to see you, sir,” said the tortoise-mouthed parlormaid.
Michael found Mrs. Gainsborough sitting in the hall. She was wearing a
bonnet tied with very bright cerise ribbons.
“They’ve had a rumpus, the pair of them, this afternoon. And Sylvia’s
gone off in the sulks. I really was quite aggravated with her. Oh, she’s
a willful spitfire, that girl, sometimes. She really is.”
Michael was coming away without a coat or hat, and Mrs. Gainsborough
stopped him.
“Now don’t behave like a silly. Dress yourself properly and don’t make
me run. I’m getting stout, you know,” she protested.
“We’ll get a hansom.”
“What, ride in a hansom? Never! A four-wheeler if you like.”
It was difficult to find a four-wheeler, and Michael was nearly mad with
impatience.
“Now don’t upset yourself. Sylvia won’t be back to-night, and there’s no
need to tug at me as if I was a cork in a bottle. People will think
we’re a walking poppy-show, if you don’t act more quiet. They’re all
turning round to stare at us.”
A four-wheeler appeared presently, and very soon they were walking down
Tinderbox Lane. Michael felt rather like a little boy out with his
nurse, as he kept turning back to exhort Mrs. Gainsborough to come more
quickly. She grew more and more red in the face, and so wheezy that he
was afraid something would happen to her, and for a few yards made no
attempt to hurry her along. At last they reached Mulberry Cottage.
“Supposing Sylvia has come back!” he said.
“I keep on telling you she’s gone away for the night. Now get on indoors
with you. You’ve nearly been my death.”
“I say, you don’t know how grateful I am to you!” Michael exclaimed,
turning round and grasping her fat hands.
Mrs. Gainsborough shouted upstairs to Lily as loudly as her
breathlessness would permit:
“I’ve brought you back that surprise packet I promised.”
Then she vanished, and Michael waited for Lily at the foot of the
stairs. She came down very soon, looking very straight and slim in her
philamot frock of Chinese crêpe that so well became her. Soon she was in
his arms and glad enough to be petted after Sylvia’s rages.
“Lily, how can you bear to let Sylvia manage you like this? It’s
absolutely intolerable.”
“She’s been horrid to me to-day,” said Lily resentfully.
“Well, why do you put up with it?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I hate always squabbling. It’s much easier to give
way to her, and usually I don’t much mind.”
“You don’t much mind whether we’re married!” Michael exclaimed. “How can
you let Sylvia persuade you against marriage? Darling girl, if you marry
me you shall do just as you like. I simply want you to look beautiful.
You’d be happy married to me—you really would.”
“Sylvia says marriage is appallingly dull, and my mother and father
didn’t get on, and Doris doesn’t get on with the man she’s married to.
In fact, everybody seems to hate it.”
“Do you hate me?” Michael demanded.
“No, I think you’re awfully sweet.”
“Well, why don’t you marry me? You’ll have plenty of money and nothing
to bother about. I think you’d thoroughly enjoy being married.”
For an instant, as he argued with her, Michael wavered in his resolve.
For an instant it seemed, after all, impossible to marry this girl. A
chill came over him, but he shook it off, and he saw only her
loveliness, the eyes sullen with thoughts of Sylvia, the lips pouting at
the remembrance of a tyranny. And again as he watched her beauty, the
bitter thought crossed his mind that it would be easier to possess her
without marriage. Then he thought of her at seventeen. “Michael, why do
you make me love you so?” Was that the last protest she ever made
against the thralldom of passion? If it was, the blame must primarily
be his, since he had not heeded her reproach.
“Lily,” he cried, catching her to him. “You’re coming away with me now.”
He kissed her a hundred times.
“Now! Now! Do you hear me?”
She surrendered to his will, and as he held her Michael thought grimly
what an absurd paradox it was, that in order to make her consent to
marry him, he like the others must play upon the baser side of her
yielding nature. There were difficulties of packing and of choosing
frocks and hats, but Michael had his way through them all.
“Quite an elopement,” Mrs. Gainsborough proclaimed.
“A very virtuous elopement,” said Michael, with a laugh.
“Oh, but shan’t I catch it when that Hottentot comes back!”
“Well, it’s Sylvia’s fault,” said Lily fretfully. “She shouldn’t worry
me all the time to know whether I like her better than anyone else in
the world.”
The man arrived with a truck for the luggage.
“Where are you going?” Mrs. Gainsborough asked. “I declare, you’re like
two babes in the wood.”
“To my sister’s in Huntingdonshire,” said Michael, and he wrote out the
address.
“Oh, in the country! Well, Summer’ll be on us before we know where we
are. I declare, my snowdrops are quite finished.”
“Is your sister pretty?” Lily asked, as they were driving to King’s
Cross.
“She’s handsome,” said Michael. “You’ll like her, I think. And her
husband was a great friend of mine. By the way, I must send a wire to
say we’re coming.”
It was only when he was sitting opposite to Lily in a first class
compartment that Michael began to wonder if their sudden arrival would
create a kind of consternation at Hardingham. He managed to reassure
himself when he looked at her. The telegram might have puzzled Stella,
but in meeting Lily she would understand his action. Nevertheless, he
felt a little anxious when he saw the Hardingham brougham waiting
outside the little station. The cold drive of four miles through the
still, misty evening gave him too long to meditate the consequences of
his action. Impulse was very visibly on trial, and he began to fear a
little Stella’s judgment of it. The carriage-lamps splashed the
hedgerows monotonously, and the horses’ breath curled round the rigid
form of the coachman. Trees, hedges, gates, signposts went past in the
blackness and chill. Michael drew Lily close, and asked in a whisper if
she were happy.
“It makes me sleepy driving like this,” she murmured. Her head was on
his shoulder; the astrakan collar was silky to his chin. So she traveled
until they reached the gates of the park: then Michael woke her up.
There was not time to do much but dress quickly for dinner when they
arrived, though Michael watched Stella’s glances rather anxiously.
Lily put on a chiffon frock, of aquamarine, and, though she looked
beautiful in it, he wished she had worn black: this frock made her seem
a little theatrical, he fancied; or was it the effect of her against the
stern dining-room, and nothing whatever to do with the frock? Stella,
too, whom he had always considered a personality of some extravagance,
seemed to have grown suddenly very stiff and conventional. It used
always to be himself who criticized people: Stella had always been
rather too lenient. Perhaps it was being married to Alan; or was Lily
the reason? Yet superficially everything seemed to be going all right,
especially when he consoled himself by remembering the abruptness of
Lily’s introduction. After dinner Stella took Lily away with her into
the drawing-room and left Michael with Alan. Michael tried to feel that
this was what he had expected would happen; but he could not drive away
the consciousness of a new formality brooding over Hardingham. It was
annoying, too, the way in which Alan seemed deliberately to avoid any
reference to Lily. He would not even remind Michael of the evening at
the Drury Lane pantomime, when he had met her five or six years ago.
Perhaps he had forgotten driving home in a cab with her sister on that
occasion. Michael grew exasperated by his talk about cricket pitches;
and yet he could not bring himself to ask right out what Alan thought of
her, because it would have impinged upon his pride to do so. In about
ten minutes they heard the sound of the piano, and tacitly they agreed
to forego the intimacy of drinking port together any longer.
Stella closed the piano with a slam when they came into the
drawing-room, and asked Lily if she would like some bridge.
“Oh, no. I hate playing cards. But you play.”
It was for Michael a nervous evening. He was perpetually on guard for
hostile criticism; he was terribly anxious that Lily should make a good
impression. Everything seemed to go wrong. Games were begun and ended
almost in the same breath. Finally he managed to find a song that Lily
thought she remembered, and Stella played her accompaniment very
aggressively, Michael fancied; for by this time he regarded the
slightest movement on her part or Alan’s as an implication of
disapproval. Lily was tired, luckily, and was ready to go to bed early.
When Stella came down again, Michael felt he ought to supplement the few
details of his telegram, and it began to seem almost impossible to
explain reasonably his arrival here with Lily. An account of Tinderbox
Lane would sound fantastic: a hint of Lily’s life would be fatal. He
found himself enmeshed in a vague tale of having found her very hard up
and of wishing to get her away from the influence of a rather depressing
home. It sounded very unconvincing as he told it, but he hoped that the
declaration of his intention to marry her at once would smother
everything else in a great surprise.
“Of course, that’s what I imagined you were thinking of doing,” said
Stella. “So you’ve made up your quarrel of five years ago?”
“When are you going to get married?” Alan asked.
“Well, I hoped you’d be able to have us here for a week or so, or at any
rate Lily, while I go up to town and find a place for us to live.”
“Oh, of course she can stay here,” said Stella.
“Oh, rather, of course,” Alan echoed.
Next morning it rained hard, and Michael thought he saw Stella making
signs of dissent when at breakfast Alan proposed taking him over to a
farm a couple of miles away. He was furious to think that Stella was
objecting to being left alone with Lily, and he retired to the
billiard-room, where he spent half an hour playing a game with himself
between spot and plain, a game which produced long breaks that seemed
quite unremarkable, so profound was the trance of vexation in which he
was plunged.
A fortnight passed, through the whole of which Alan never once referred
to Lily; and, as Michael was always too proud to make the first advance
toward the topic, he felt that his friendship with Alan was being slowly
chipped away. He knew that Stella, on the other hand, was rather anxious
to talk to him, but perversely he avoided giving her any opportunity. As
for Lily, she seemed perfectly happy doing nothing and saying very
little. Obviously, however, this sort of existence under the shadow of
disapproval could not continue much longer, and Michael determined to
come to grips with the situation. Therefore, one morning of strong
easterly wind when Lily wanted to stay indoors, he proposed a walk to
Stella.
They crossed three or four fields in complete silence, the dogs
scampering to right and left, the gale crimsoning their cheeks.
“I don’t think I care much for this country of yours,” said Michael at
last. “It’s flat and cold and damp. Why on earth you ever thought I
should care to live here, I don’t know.”
“There’s a wood about a quarter of a mile farther on. We can get out of
the wind there.”
Michael resented Stella’s pleasantness. He wanted her to be angry and so
launch him easily upon the grievances he had been storing up for a
fortnight.
“I hate badly trained dogs,” he grumbled when Stella turned round to
whistle vainly for one of the spaniels.
“So do I,” she agreed.
It was really unfair of her to effect a deadlock by being perpetually
and unexpectedly polite. He would try being gracious himself: it was
easier in the shelter of the wood.
“I don’t think I’ve properly thanked you for having us to stay down
here,” he began.
Stella stopped dead in the middle of the glade:
“Look here, do you want me to talk about this business?” she demanded.
Her use of the word “business” annoyed him: it crystallized all the
offensiveness, as he was now calling it to himself, of her sisterly
attitude these two weeks.
“I shall be delighted to talk about this ‘business.’ Though why you
should refer to my engagement as if a hot-water pipe had burst, I don’t
quite know.”
“Do you want me to speak out frankly—to say exactly what I think of you
and Lily and of your marrying her? You won’t like it, and I won’t do it
unless you ask me.”
“Go on,” said Michael gloomily. Stella had gathered the dogs round her
again, and in this glade she appeared to Michael as a severe Artemis
with her short tweed skirt and her golf-coat swinging from her shoulders
like a chlamys. These oaks were hers: the starry moss was hers: the
anemones flushing and silvering to the ground wind, they were all hers.
It suddenly struck him as monstrously unfair that Stella should be able
to criticize Lily. Here she stood on her own land forever secure against
the smallest ills that could come to the other girl; and, with this
consciousness of a strength behind her, already she was conveying that
rustic haughtiness of England. Michael loved her, this cool and
indomitable mistress of Hardingham; but while he loved her, almost he
hated her for the power she had to look down on Lily. Michael wished he
had Sylvia with him. That would have been a royal battle in this wood.
Stella with her dogs and trees behind her, with her green acres all
round her and the very wind fighting for her, might yet have found it
difficult to discomfit Sylvia.
“Go on, I’m waiting for you to begin,” Michael repeated.
“Straight off, then,” she said, “I may as well tell you that this
marriage is impossible. I don’t know where you found her again, and I
don’t care. It wouldn’t make the slightest difference to me what she had
been, if I thought she had a chance of ever being anything else. But,
Michael, she’s flabby. You’ll hate me for saying so, but she is, she
really is! In a year you’ll admit that; you’ll see her growing older and
flabbier, more and more vain; emptier and emptier, if that’s possible.
Even her beauty won’t last. These very fair girls fall to pieces like
moth-eaten dolls. I’ve tried to find something in her during this
fortnight. I’ve tried and tried; but there’s nothing. You may be in love
with her now, though I don’t believe you are. I think it’s all a piece
of sentimentalism. I’ve often teased you about getting married, but
please don’t suppose that I haven’t realized how almost impossible it
would be, ever to find a woman that would stand the wear and tear of
your idealism. I’m prepared to bet that behind your determination to
marry this girl there’s a reason, a lovely, unpractical, idealistic
reason. Isn’t there? You’ve been away with her for a week-end, and have
tortured yourself into a theory of reparation. Is that it? Or you’ve
fallen in love with the notion of yourself in love at eighteen. Oh, you
can’t marry her, you foolish old darling.”
“Your oratory would be more effective if you wouldn’t keep whistling to
that infernal dog,” said Michael. “If this marriage is so terrible, I
should have thought you’d have forgotten there were such animals as
cocker-spaniels. It’s rubbish for you to say you’ve tried to find
something in Lily. You haven’t made the slightest attempt. You’ve
criticized her from the moment she entered the house. You’re sunk deep
already in the horrible selfishness of being happy. A happy marriage is
the most devastating joint egotism in the world. Damn it, Stella, when
you were making a fool of yourself with half the men in Europe, I
didn’t talk as you’ve been talking to me.”
“No, you were always very cautiously fraternal,” said Stella. “Ah, no, I
won’t say bitter things, for, Michael, I adore you; and you’ll break my
heart if you marry this girl.”
“You won’t do anything of the kind,” he contradicted. “You’ll be
whistling to spaniels all the time.”
“Michael, it’s really unkind of you to try and make me laugh, when I’m
feeling so wretched about you.”
“It’s all fine for you to sneer at Lily,” said Michael. “But I can
remember your coming back from Vienna and crying all day in your room
over some man who’d made a fool of you. You looked pretty flabby
then.”
“How dare you remind me of that?” Stella cried, in a fury. “How dare
you? How dare you?”
“You brought it on yourself,” said Michael coldly.
“You’re going to pieces already under the influence of that girl. Marry
her, then! But don’t come to me for sympathy, when she’s forced you to
drag yourself through the divorce court.”
“No, I shall take care not to come to you for anything ever again,” said
Michael bitterly. “Unless it’s for advice when I want to buy a spaniel.”
They had turned again in the direction of the Hall, and over the windy
fields they walked silently. Michael was angry with himself for having
referred to that Vienna time. After all, it had been the only occasion
on which he had seen Stella betray a hint of weakness; besides, she had
always treated him generously in the matter of confidences. He looked
sidelong at her, but she walked on steadily, and he wondered if she
would tell Alan that they had been nearer to quarreling than so far they
had ever been. Perhaps this sort of thing was inevitable with marriage.
Chains of sympathy and affection forged to last eternally were smashed
by marriage in a moment. He had heard nothing said about Stella’s music
lately. Was that also to vanish on account of marriage? The sooner he
and Lily left Hardingham, the better. He supposed he ought to suggest
going immediately. But Lily would be a problem until he could find a
place for her to live, and someone to chaperone her. They would be
married next month, and he would take her abroad. He would be able to
see her at last in some of the places where in days gone by he had
dreamed of seeing her.
“I suppose you wouldn’t object to keeping Lily here two or three days
more, while I find a place in town?” said Michael. It only struck him
when the request was out how much it sounded like asking for a favor.
Stella would despise him more than ever.
“Michael,” Stella exclaimed, turning round and stopping in his path.
“Once more I beg you to give up this idea of marriage. Surely you can
realize how deeply I feel about it, when even after what you said I’m
willing actually to plead with you. It’s intolerable to think of you
tied to her!”
“It’s too late,” said Michael. “I must marry her. Not for any reasons
that the world would consider reasons,” he went on. “But because I want
to marry her. The least you can do for me is to pretend to support me
before the world.”
“I won’t, I won’t, I won’t! It’s all wrong. She’s all wrong. Her people
are all wrong. Why, even Alan remembers them as dreadful, and you know
how casual he is about people he doesn’t like. He usually flings them
out of his mind at once.”
“Oh, Alan’s amazing in every way,” said Michael. He longed to say that
he and Lily would go by the first train possible, but he dreaded so much
the effect of bringing her back to London without any definite place to
which she could go, that he was willing to leave her here for a few
days, if she would stay. He hated himself for doing this, but the
problems of marriage and Lily were growing unwieldy. He wished now that
he had asked his mother to come back, so that he could have taken Lily
to Cheyne Walk. It was stupid to let himself be caught unprepared like
this. After all, perhaps it would be a good thing to leave Lily and
Stella together for a bit. As he was going to marry her and as he could
not face the possibility of quarreling with Stella finally, it would be
better to pocket his pride.
Suddenly Stella caught hold of his arm.
“Look here,” she said. “You absurd old Quixote, listen. I’m going to do
all in my power to stop your marrying Lily. But meanwhile go up to town
and leave her here. I promise to declare a truce of a fortnight, if
you’ll promise me not to marry her until the middle of April. By a truce
I mean that I’ll be charming to her and take no steps to influence her
to give you up. But after the fortnight it must be war, even if you win
in the end and marry her.”
“Does that mean we should cease to be on speaking terms?”
“Oh, no, of course; as a matter of fact, if you marry her, I suppose we
shall all settle down together and be great friends, until she lands you
in the divorce court with half a dozen co-respondents. Then you’ll come
and live with us at Hardingham, a confirmed cynic and the despair of all
the eligible young women in the neighborhood.”
“I wish you wouldn’t talk like that about Lily,” said Michael, frowning.
“The truce has begun,” Stella declared. “For a fortnight I’ll be an
angel.”
Just before dusk was falling, the gale died away, and Michael persuaded
Lily to come for a walk with him. Almost unconsciously he took her to
the wood where he and Stella had talked so angrily in the morning.
Chaffinches flashed their silver wings about them in the fading light.
“Lily, you look adorable in this glade,” he told her. “I believe, if you
were a little way off from me, I should think you were a birch tree.”
The wood was rosy brown and purple. Every object had taken on rich deeps
of quality and color reflected from the March twilight. The body of the
missel-thrush flinging his song from the bare oak-bough into the ragged
sky, flickered with a magical sublucency. Michael found some primroses
and brought them to Lily.
“These are for you, you tall tall primrose of a girl. Listen, will you
let me leave you for a very few days so that I can find the house you’re
going to live in? Will you not be lonely?”
“I like to have you with me always,” she murmured.
He was intoxicated by so close an avowal of love from lips that were
usually mute.
“We shall be married in a month,” he cried. “Can you smell violets?”
“Something sweet I smell.”
But it was getting too dusky in the coppice to find these violets
themselves twilight-hued, and they turned homeward across the open
fields. Birds were flying to the coverts, linnets mostly, in twittering
companies.
“These eves of early Spring are like swords,” Michael exclaimed.
“Like what?” Lily asked, smiling at his exaggeration.
“Like swords. They seem to cut one through and through with their
sharpness and sweetness.”
“Oh, you mean it’s cold,” she said. “Take my arm.”
“Well, I meant rather more than that, really,” Michael laughed. But
because she had offered him her arm he forgot at once how far she had
been from following his thoughts.
Michael went up to London after dinner. He left Lily curled up before
the fire presumably quite content to stay at Hardingham.
“Not more than a fortnight, mind,” were Stella’s last words.
He went to see Maurice next morning to get the benefit of his advice
about possible places in which to live. Maurice was in his element.
“Of course there really are very few good places. Cheyne Walk and
Grosvenor Road, the Albany, parts of Hampstead and Campden Hill,
Kensington Square, one or two streets near the Regent’s Canal, Adelphi
Terrace, the Inns of Court and Westminster. Otherwise, London is
impossible. But you’re living in Cheyne Walk now. Why do you want to
move from there?”
Michael made up his mind to take Maurice into his confidence. He
supposed that of all his friends he would be as likely as any to be
sympathetic. Maurice was delighted by his description of Lily, so much
delighted, that he accepted her as a fact without wanting to know who
she was or where Michael had met her.
“By Jove, I must hurry up and find my girl. But I don’t think I’m
desperately keen to get married yet. I vote for a house near the Canal,
if we can find the right one.”
That afternoon they set out.
They changed their minds and went to Hampstead first, where Maurice was
very anxious to take a large Georgian house with a garden of about
fifteen acres. He offered to move himself and Castleton from Grosvenor
Road in order to occupy one of the floors, and he was convinced that the
stable would be very useful if they wanted to start a printing press.
“Yes, but we don’t want to start a printing press,” Michael objected.
“And really, Mossy, I think twenty-three bedrooms more than one servant
can manage.”
It was with great reluctance that Maurice gave up the idea of this
house, and he was so much depressed by the prospect of considering
anything less huge that he declared Hampstead was impossible, and they
went off to Regent’s Park.
“I don’t think you’re likely to find anything so good as that house,”
Maurice said gloomily. “In fact, I know you won’t. I wish I could afford
to take it myself. I should, like a shot. Castleton could be at the
Temple just as soon from there.”
“I don’t see why he should bother about the Temple,” said Michael. “That
house was rather bigger.”
“You’ll never find another house like it,” Maurice prophesied. “Look at
this neighborhood we’re driving through now. Impossible to live here!”
They were in the Hampstead Road.
“I haven’t any intention of doing so,” Michael laughed. “But there
remains the neighborhood of the canal, the neighborhood you originally
suggested. Hampstead was an afterthought.”
“Wonderful house!” Maurice sighed. “I shall always regret you didn’t
take it.”
However, when they had paid off the cab, he became interested by the new
prospect; and they wandered for a while, peering through fantastic
railings at houses upon the steep banks of the canal, houses that seemed
to have been stained to a sad green by the laurels planted close around
them. Nothing feasible for a lodging was discovered near Regent’s Park;
and they crossed St. John’s Wood and Maida Vale, walking on until they
reached a point where at the confluence of two branches the canal became
a large triangular sheet of water. Occupying the whole length of the
base of this triangle and almost level with the water, stood the garden
of a very large square house.
“There’s a curious place,” said Michael. “How on earth does one get at
it?”
They followed the road, which was considerably higher than the level of
the canal, and found that the front door was reached by an entrance down
a flight of steps.
“Ararat House,” Michael read.
“Flat to let,” Maurice read.
“I think this looks rather promising,” said Michael.
It was an extraordinary pile, built in some Palladian nightmare. A
portico of dull crimson columns ran round three sides of the house,
under a frieze of bearded masks. The windows were all very large, and so
irregularly placed as completely to destroy the classic illusion. The
stucco had been painted a color that was neither pink nor cream nor
buff, but a mixture of all three; and every bit of space left by the
windows was filled with banderoles of illegible inscriptions and with
plaster garlands, horns, lyres, urns, and Grecian helmets. There must
have been half an acre of garden round it, a wilderness of shrubs and
rank grass with here and there a dislustered conservatory. The house
would have seemed uninhabitable save for the announcement of the flat to
be let, which was painted on a board roped to one of the columns.
They descended the steps and pressed a bell marked Housekeeper. Yes,
there was a flat to let on the ground floor; in fact, the whole of the
ground floor with the exception of this part of the hall and the rooms
on either side. The housekeeper threw her apron over her shoulder like a
plaid and unlocked a door in a wooden partition that divided the flat
called Number One from the rest of Ararat House.
They passed through and examined the two gaunt bedrooms: one of them
had an alcove, which pleased Michael very much. He decided that without
much difficulty it could be made to resemble a Carpaccio interior. The
dining-room was decorated with Spanish leather and must have been very
brilliantly lit by the late tenants, for everywhere from the ceiling and
walls electric wires protruded like asps. There was also a murky
kitchen; and finally the housekeeper led the way through double doors
into the drawing-room.
As soon as he had stepped inside, Michael was sure that he and Lily must
live here.
It was a room that recalled at the first glance one of those gigantic
saloons in ancient Venetian palaces; but as he looked about him he
decided that any assignment in known topography was absurd. It was a
room at once for Werther, for Taglioni, for the nocturnes of Chopin and
the cameos of Théophile Gautier. Beckford might have filled it with
orient gewgaws; Barbey d’Aurevilly could have strutted here; and in a
corner Villiers de l’Isle Adam might have sat fiercely. The room was a
tatterdemalion rococo barbarized more completely by gothic
embellishments that nevertheless gave it the atmosphere of the fantasts
with whom Michael had identified it.
“But this is like a scene in a pantomime,” Maurice exclaimed.
It was indeed like a scene in a pantomime, and a proscenium was wanted
to frame suitably the effect of those fluted pillars that supported the
ceiling with their groined arches. The traceries of the latter were
gilded, and the spaces between were painted with florid groups of nymphs
and cornucopias. At either end of the room were large fireplaces
fructuated with marble pears and melons, and the floor was a parquet of
black and yellow lozenges.
“It’s hideous,” Maurice exclaimed.
The housekeeper stood aside, watching impersonally.
“Hideous but rather fascinating,” Michael said. “Look at the queer
melancholy light, and look at the view.”
It was, after all, the view which gave the character of romance to the
room. Eight French windows, whose shutters one by one the housekeeper
had opened while they were talking, admitted a light that was much
subdued by the sprays of glossy evergreen outside. Seen through their
leaves, the garden appeared to be a green twilight in which the statues
and baskets of chipped and discolored stone had an air of overthrown
magnificence. The housekeeper opened one of the windows, and they walked
out into the wilderness, where ferns were growing on rockeries of slag
and old tree-stumps; where the paths were smeared with bright green
slime, with moss and sodden vegetation. They came to a wider path
running by the bank of the canal, and, pausing here, they pondered the
sheet of dead water where two swans were gliding slowly round an islet
and where the reflections of the house beyond lay still and deep
everywhere along the edge. The distant cries of London floated sharply
down the air; smuts were falling perpetually; the bitter March air
diffused in a dull sparkle tasted of the city’s breath: the circling of
the swans round their islet made everything else the more immotionable.
“In summer this will be wonderful,” Michael predicted.
“On summer nights those swans will be swimming about among the stars,”
Maurice said.
“Except that they’ll probably have retired to bed,” Michael pointed out.
“I wonder if they build their nests on chimney-tops like storks,”
Maurice laughed.
“Let’s ask the housekeeper,” Michael said solemnly.
They went back into the drawing-room, and more than ever did it seem
exactly the room one would expect to enter after pondering that dead
water without.
“Who lives in the other flats?” Michael inquired of the housekeeper.
“There’s four others,” she began. “Up above there’s Colonel and Mrs....”
“I see,” Michael interrupted. “Just ordinary people. Do they ever go
out? Or do they sit and peer at the water all day from behind strange
curtains?”
The housekeeper stared at him.
“They play tennis and croquet a good deal in the summer, sir. The courts
is on the other side of the house. Mr. Gartside is the gentleman to see
about the flat.”
She gave Michael the address, and that afternoon he settled to take
Number One, Ararat House.
“It absolutely was made to set her off,” he told Maurice. “You wait till
I’ve furnished it as it ought to be furnished.”
“And we’ll have amazing fêtes aqueuses in the summer,” Maurice declared.
“We’ll buy a barge and—why, of course—the canal flows into the Thames
at Grosvenor Road.”
“Underground—like the Styx,” said Michael, nodding.
“Of course, it’s going to be wonderful. We must never visit each other
except by water.”
“Like splendid dead Venetians,” said Michael.
The fortnight of Lily’s stay at Hardingham was spent by him and Maurice
in a fever of decoration. Michael bought oval mirrors of Venetian glass;
oblong mirrors crowned with gilt griffins and scallops; small round
mirrors in frames of porcelain garlanded with flowerbuds; so many
mirrors that the room became even more mysteriously vast. The walls were
hung with brocades of gold and philamot and pomona green. There were
slim settees the color of ivory, with cushions of primrose and lemon
satin, of cinnamon and canary citron and worn russet silks. Over the
parquet was a great gray Aubusson carpet with a design of monstrous
roses as deep as damsons or burgundy; and from the ceiling hung two
chandeliers of cut glass.
“You know,” said Maurice seriously, “she’ll have to be very beautiful to
carry this off.”
“She is very beautiful,” said Michael. “And there’s room for her to walk
about here. She’ll move about this room as wonderfully as those swans
upon the canal.”
“Michael, what’s happened to you? You’re becoming as eccentric as me.”
Maurice looked at him rather jealously. “And, I say, do you really want
me to come with you to King’s Cross to-morrow afternoon?”
Michael nodded.
“After you’ve helped to gather together this room, you deserve to see
the person we’ve done it for.”
“Yes, but look here. Who’s going to stay in the flat with her? You can’t
leave her alone until you’re married. As you told me the story, it
sounded very romantic; but if she’s going to be your wife, you’ve got to
guard her reputation.”
Michael had never given Maurice more than a slight elaboration of the
tale which had served for Stella; and he thought how much more romantic
Maurice would consider the affair if he knew the whole truth. He felt
inclined to tell him, but he doubted his ability to keep it to himself.
“I thought of getting hold of some elderly woman,” he said.
“That’s all very well, but you ought to have been doing it all this
time.”
“You don’t know anybody?”
“I? Great scott, no!”
They were walking toward Chelsea, and presently Maurice had to leave him
for an appointment.
“To-morrow afternoon then at King’s Cross,” he said, and jumped on an
omnibus.
Michael walked along in a quandary. Whom on earth could he get to stay
with Lily? Would it not be better to marry at once? But that would
involve breaking his promise to Stella. If he asked Mrs. Gainsborough,
it would mean Sylvia knowing where Lily was. If, on the other hand, he
should employ a strange woman, Lily might dislike her. Could he ask Mrs.
Ross to come up to town? No, of course, that was absurd. It looked as if
he would have to ask Mrs. Gainsborough. Or why not ask Sylvia herself?
In that case, why establish Lily at Ararat House before they were
married? This marriage had seemed so very easy an achievement; but
slowly it was turning into an insoluble complex. He might sound Sylvia
upon her attitude. It would enormously simplify everything if she would
consent; and if she consented she would, he believed, play fair with
him. The longer Michael thought about it, the more it seemed the safest
course to call in Sylvia’s aid. He was almost hailing a hansom to go to
Tinderbox Lane, when he realized how foolish it would be not to try to
sever Lily completely from the life she had been leading in Sylvia’s
company. Not even ought he to expose her to the beaming laxity of Mrs.
Gainsborough.
Michael had reached Notting Hill Gate, and, still pondering the problem
which had destroyed half the pleasure of the enterprise, he caught sight
of a Registry for servants. Why not employ two servants, two of the
automatons who simplified life as it was simplified in Cheyne Walk? Then
he remembered that he had forgotten to make any attempt to equip the
kitchen. Surely Lily would be able to help with that. He entered the
Registry and interviewed a severe woman wearing glasses, who read in a
sing-song the virtues of a procession of various automatons seeking
situations as cooks and housemaids.
“What wages do you wish to give?”
“Oh, the usual wages,” Michael said. “But I rather want these servants
to-day.”
He made an appointment to interview half a dozen after lunch. He chose
the first two that presented themselves, and told them to come round to
Ararat House. Here he threw himself on their mercy and begged them to
make a list of what was wanted in the kitchen. They gave notice on the
spot, and Michael rushed off to the Registry again. To the severe woman
in glasses he explained the outlines of the situation and made her
promise to suit him by to-morrow at midday. She suggested a capable
housekeeper; and next morning a hard-featured, handsome woman very well
dressed in the fashion of about 1892 arrived at Ararat House. She
undertook to find someone to help, and also to procure at once the
absolute necessities for the kitchen. Miss Harper was a great relief to
Michael, though he did not think he liked her very much; and he made up
his mind to get rid of her, as soon as some sort of domestic comfort was
perceptible. Lily would arrive about four o’clock, and he drove off to
King’s Cross to meet her. He felt greatly excited by the prospect of
introducing her to Maurice, who for a wonder was punctually waiting for
him on the platform.
Lily evidently liked Maurice, and Michael was rather disappointed when
he said he could not come back with them to assist at the first entry
into Ararat House. Maurice had certainly given him to understand that he
was free this afternoon.
“Look in at Grosvenor Road on your way home to-night,” said Maurice. “Or
will you be very late?”
“Oh, no, I shan’t be late,” Michael answering, flushing. He had a notion
that Maurice was implying a suspicion of him by his invitation. It
seemed as if he were testing his behavior.
Lily liked the rooms; and, although she thought the Carpaccio bedroom
was a little bare, it was soon strewn with her clothes, and made thereby
inhabitable.
“And of course,” said Michael, “you’ve got to buy lots and lots of
clothes this fortnight. How much do you want to spend? Two
hundred—three hundred pounds?”
The idea of buying clothes on such a scale of extravagance seemed to
delight her, and she kissed him, he thought almost for the first time,
in mere affection without a trace of passion. Michael felt happy that he
had so much money for her to spend, and he was glad that no one had been
given authority to interfere with his capital. There flashed through his
mind a comparison of himself with the Chevalier des Grieux, and,
remembering how soon that money had come to an end, he was glad that
Lily would not be exposed to the temptation which had ruined Manon.
“And do you like Miss Harper?” he inquired.
“Yes, she seems all right.”
They went out to dine in town, and came back about eleven to find the
flat looking wonderfully settled. Michael confessed how much he had
forgotten to order, but Lily talked of her dresses and took no interest
in household affairs.
“I think I ought to go now,” said Michael.
“Oh, no, stay a little longer.”
But he would not, feeling the violent necessity to impress upon her as
much as possible, during this fortnight before they were married, how
important were the conventions of life, even when it was going to be
lived in so strange a place as Ararat House.
“Oh, you’re going now?” said Miss Harper, looking at him rather
curiously.
“I shall be round in the morning. You’ll finish making the lists of what
you still want?”
Michael felt very deeply plunged into domestic arrangements, as he drove
to Grosvenor Road.
Maurice was sitting up for him, but Castleton had gone to bed.
“Look here, old chap,” Maurice began at once, “you can’t possibly marry
that girl.”
Michael frowned.
“You too?”
“I know all about her,” Maurice went on. “I’ve never actually met her,
but I recognized her at once. Even if you did know her people five years
ago, you ought to have taken care to find out what had happened in
between. As a matter of fact, I happen to know a man who’s had an affair
with her—a painter called Walker. Ronnie Walker. He’s often up here.
You’re bound to meet him some time.”
“Not at all, if I never come here again,” said Michael, in a cold rage.
“It’s no use for you to be angry with me,” said Maurice. “I should be a
rotten friend, if I didn’t warn you.”
“Oh, go to hell!” said Michael, and he marched out of the studio.
“I’ll die first,” retorted Maurice, grinning.
Maurice came on the landing and called, begging him to come up and not
to be so hasty, but Michael paid no attention.
“So much for 422 Grosvenor Road,” he said, slamming the big front door
behind him. He heard Maurice calling to him from the window, but he
walked on without turning his head.
It was a miserable coincidence that one of his friends should know about
her. It was a disappointment, but it could not be helped. If Maurice
chattered about a disastrous marriage, why, other friends would have to
be dropped in the same way. After all, he had been aware from the first
moment of his resolve that this sort of thing was bound to happen. It
left him curiously indifferent.
A week passed. There were hundreds of daffodils blooming in the garden
round Ararat House; and April bringing an unexpected halcyon was the
very April of the poets whose verses haunted that great rococo room.
Every day Michael went with Lily to dressmakers and worshiped her taste.
Every day he bought her old pieces of jewelry, old fans, or old silver,
or pots of purple hyacinths. He was just conscious that it was London
and the prime of the Spring; but mostly he lived in the enchantment of
her presence. Often they walked up and down the still deserted garden,
by the edge of the canal. The swans used to glide nearer to them,
waiting for bread to be thrown; and Lily would stand with her hair in a
stream of sunlight and her arms moving languidly like the necks of the
birds she was feeding. Nor was she less graceful in the long luminous
dusks under the young moon and the yellow evening star that were shining
upon them as they walked by the edge of the water.
For a week Michael lived in a city that was become a mere background to
the swoons and fevers of love. He knew that round him houses blinked in
the night and that chimney-smoke curled upward in the morning; that
people paced the streets; that there was a thunder of far-off traffic;
that London was possessed by April. But the heart of life was in this
room, when the candles were lit in the chandeliers and he could see a
hundred Lilies in the mirrors. It seemed wrong to leave her at midnight,
to leave that room so perilously golden with the golden stuffs and
candle-flames. It seemed unfair to surprise Miss Harper by going away at
midnight, when so easily he could have stayed. Yet every night he went
away, however hard it was to leave Lily in her black dress, to leave in
the mirrors those hundred Lilies that drowsily were not forbidding him
to stay. Or when she stood under the portico sleepily resting in his
arms, it was difficult to let her turn back alone. How close were their
kisses wrapped in that velvet moonlessness! This was no London that he
knew, this scented city of Spring, this tropic gloom, this mad
innominate cavern that engorged them. The very stars were melting in the
water of the canal: the earth bedewed with fevers of the Spring was warm
as blood: why should he forsake her each night of this week? Yet every
midnight when the heavy clocks buzzed and clamored, Michael left her,
saying that May would come, and June, and another April, when she would
have been his a year.
The weather veered back in the second week of the fortnight to rawness
and wet. Yet it made no difference to Michael; for he was finding these
days spent with Lily so full of romance that weather was forgotten. They
could not walk in the garden and watch the swans: of nothing else did
the weather deprive him.
Two days before the marriage was to take place, Mrs. Fane arrived back
from the South of France. Michael was glad to see her, for he was so
deeply infatuated with Lily that his first emotion was of pleasure in
the thought of being able now to bring her to see his mother, and of
taking his mother to see her in Ararat House among those chandeliers and
mirrors.
“Why didn’t you wire me to say you were coming?” he asked.
“I came because Stella wrote to me.”
Michael frowned, and his mother went on:
“It wasn’t very thoughtful of you to let me know about your marriage
through her. I think you might have managed to write to me about it
yourself.”
Michael had been so much wrapped up in his arrangements, and apart from
them so utterly engrossed in his secluded life with Lily during the
past ten days, that it came upon him with a shock to realize that his
mother might be justified in thinking that he had treated her very
inconsiderately.
“I’m sorry. It was wrong of me,” he admitted. “But life has been such a
whirl lately that I’ve somehow taken for granted the obvious courtesies.
Besides, Stella was so very unfair to Lily that it rather choked me off
taking anybody else into my confidence. And, mother, why do you begin on
the subject at once, before you’ve even taken your things off?”
She flung back her furs and regarded him tragically.
“Michael, how can you dare to think of such trivialities when you are
standing at the edge of this terrible step?”
“Oh, I think I’m perfectly level-headed,” he said, “even on the brink of
disaster.”
“Such a dreadful journey from Cannes! I wish I’d come back in March as I
meant to. But Mrs. Carruthers was ill, and I couldn’t very well leave
her. She’s always nervous in lifts, and hates the central-heating. I did
not sleep a moment, and a most objectionable couple of Germans in the
next compartment of the wagons-lits used all the water in the
washing-place. So very annoying, for one never expects foreigners to
think about washing. Oh, yes, a dreadful night and all because of you,
and now you ask most cruelly why I don’t take my things off.”
“There wasn’t any need for you to worry yourself,” he said hotly.
“Stella had no business to scare you with her prejudices.”
“Prejudices!” his mother repeated. “Prejudice is a very mild word for
what she feels about this dreadful girl you want to marry.”
“But it is prejudice,” Michael insisted. “She knows nothing against
her.”
“She knows a great deal.”
“How?” he demanded incredulously.
“You’d better read her letter to me. And I really must go and take off
these furs. It’s stifling in London. So very much hotter than the
Riviera.”
Mrs. Fane left him with Stella’s letter.
LONG’S HOTEL,
April 9.
Darling Mother,
When you get this you must come at once to London. You are the
only person who can save Michael from marrying the most impossible
creature imaginable. He had a stupid love-affair with her, when he
was eighteen, and I think she treated him badly even then—I
remember his being very upset about it in the summer before my
first concert. Apparently he rediscovered her this winter, and for
some reason or other wants to marry her now. He brought her down
to Hardingham, and I saw then that she was a minx. Alan remembers
her mother as a dreadful woman who tried to make love to him.
Imagine Alan at eighteen being pursued!
Of course, I tackled Michael about her, and we had rather a row
about it. We kept her at Hardingham for a month (a fortnight by
herself), and we were bored to death by her. She had nothing to
say, and nothing to do except look at herself in the glass. I had
declared war on the marriage from the moment she left, but I had
only a fortnight to stop it. I was rather in a difficulty because I
knew nothing definite against her, though I was sure that if she
wasn’t a bad lot already, she would be later on. I wrote first of
all to Maurice Avery, who told me that she’d had a not at all
reputable affair with a painter friend of his. It seems, however,
that he had already spoken to Michael about this and that Michael
walked out of the house in a rage. Then I came up to town with Alan
and saw Wedderburn, who knew nothing about her and hadn’t seen
Michael for months. Then we got hold of Lonsdale. He has apparently
met her at Covent Garden, and I’m perfectly sure that he has
actually been away with her himself. Though, of course, he was much
too polite to tell me so. He was absolutely horrified when he heard
about her and Michael. I asked him to tell Michael anything he knew
against her, but he didn’t see how he could. He said he wouldn’t
have the heart. I told him it was his duty, but he said he wouldn’t
be able to bear the sight of Michael’s face when he told him. Of
course, the poor darling knows nothing about her. You must come at
once to London and talk to him yourself. You’ve no time to lose.
I’ll meet you if you send me a wire. I’ve no influence over Michael
any more. You’re the only person who can stop it. He’s so sweet
about her. She’s rather lovely to look at, I must say. Lots of love
from Alan and from me.
Your loving
Stella.
Michael was touched by Lonsdale’s attitude. It showed, he thought, an
exquisite sensitiveness, and he was grateful for it. Stella had
certainly been very active: but he had foreseen all of this. Nothing was
going to alter his determination. He waited gloomily for his mother to
come down. Of all antagonists she would be the hardest to combat in
argument, because he was debarred from referring to so much that had
weighed heavily with him in his decision. His mother was upstairs such a
very short time that Michael realized with a smile how deeply she must
have been moved. Nothing but this marriage of his had ever brought her
downstairs so rapidly from taking off her things.
“Have you read Stella’s letter?” she asked.
He nodded.
“Well, of course you see that the whole business must be stopped at
once. It’s dreadful for you to hear all these things, and I know you
must be suffering, dearest boy; but you ought to be obliged to Stella
and not resent her interference.”
“I see that you feel bound to apologize for her,” Michael observed.
“Now, that is so bitter.”
He shrugged his shoulders.
“I feel rather bitter that she should come charging up to town to find
out things I know already.”
“Michael! You knew about Lonsdale?”
“I didn’t know about him in particular, but I knew that there had been
people. That’s one of the reasons I’m going to marry her.”
“But you’ll lose all your friends. It would be impossible for you to go
on knowing Lonsdale, for instance.”
“Marriage seems to destroy friendships in any case,” Michael said. “You
couldn’t have a better example of that than Stella and Alan. I daresay I
shall be able to make new friends.”
“But, darling boy,” she said pleadingly, “your position will be so
terribly ambiguous. Here you are with everything that you can possibly
want, with any career you choose open to you. And you let yourself be
dragged down by this horrible creature!”
“Mother, believe me, you’re getting a very distorted idea of Lily. She’s
beautiful, you know; and if she’s not so clever as Stella, I’m rather
glad of it. I don’t think I want a clever wife. At any rate, she hasn’t
committed the sin of being common. She won’t disgrace you outwardly, and
if Stella hadn’t gone round raking up all this abominable information
about her you would have liked her very much.”
“My dearest boy, you are very young, but you surely aren’t too young to
know that it’s impossible to marry a woman whose past is not without
reproach.”
“But, mother, you ...” he stopped himself abruptly, and looked out of
the window in embarrassment. Yet his mother seemed quite unconscious
that she was using a weapon which could be turned against herself.
“Will nothing persuade you? Oh, why did Dick Prescott kill himself? I
knew at the time that something like this would happen. You won’t marry
her, you won’t, will you?”
“Yes, mother. I’m going to,” he said coldly.
“But why so impetuously?” she asked. “Why won’t you wait a little time?”
“There’s no object in waiting while Stella rakes up a few more facts.”
“If only your father were alive!” she exclaimed. “It would have shocked
him so inexpressibly.”
“He felt so strongly the unwisdom of marriage, didn’t he?” Michael said,
and wished he could have bitten his tongue out.
She had risen from her chair, and seemed to tower above him in tragical
and heroic dignity of reproach:
“I could never have believed you would say such a thing to me.”
“I’m awfully sorry,” he murmured. “It was inexcusable.”
“Michael,” she pleaded, coming to him sorrowfully, “won’t you give up
this marriage?”
He was touched by her manner so gently despairing after his sneer.
“Mother, I must keep faith with myself.”
“Only with yourself? Then she doesn’t care for you? And you’re not
thinking of her?”
“Of course she cares for me.”
“But she’d get over it almost at once?”
“Perhaps,” he admitted.
“Do you trust her? Do you believe she will be able to be a good woman?”
“That will be my look-out,” he said impatiently. “If she fails, it will
be my fault. It’s always the man’s fault. Always.”
“Very well,” said his mother resignedly. “I can say no more, can I? You
must do as you like.”
The sudden withdrawal of her opposition softened him as nothing else
would have done. He compared the sweetness of her resignation with his
own sneer of a minute ago. He felt anxious to do something that would
show his penitence.
“Mother, I hate to wound you. But I must be true to what I have worked
out for myself. I must marry Lily. Apart from a mad love I have for her,
there is a deeper cause, a reason that’s bound up with my whole theory
of behavior, my whole attitude toward existence. I could not back out of
this marriage.”
“Is all your chivalry to be devoted to the service of Lily?” she asked.
He felt grateful to her for the name. When his mother no longer called
her “this girl,” half his resentment fled. The situation concerned the
happiness of human beings again; there were no longer prejudices or
abstractions of morality to obscure it.
“Not at all, mother. I would do anything for you.”
“Except not marry her.”
“That wouldn’t be a sacrifice worth making,” he argued. “Because if I
did that I should destroy myself to myself, and what was left of me
wouldn’t be a complete Michael. It wouldn’t be your son.”
“Will you postpone your marriage, say for three months?”
He hesitated. How could he refuse her this?
“Not merely for your own sake,” she urged; “but for all our sakes. We
shall all see things more clearly and pleasantly, perhaps, in three
months’ time.”
He was conquered by the implication of justice for Lily.
“I won’t marry her for three months,” he promised.
“And you know, darling boy, the dreadful thing is that I very nearly
missed the train owing to the idiocy of the head porter at the hotel.”
She was smiling through her tears, and very soon she became her stately
self again.
Michael went at once to Ararat House, and told Lily that he had promised
his mother to put off their marriage for three months. She pouted over
her frocks.
“I wish you’d settled that before. What good will all these dresses be
now?”
“You shall have as many more as you want. But will you be happy here
without me?”
“Without you? Why are you going away?”
“Because I must, Lily. Because ... oh, dearest girl, can’t you see that
I’m too passionately in love with you to be able to see you every day
and every night as I have been all this fortnight?”
“If you want to go away, of course you must; but I shall be rather dull,
shan’t I?”
“And shan’t I?” he asked.
She looked at him.
“Perhaps.”
“I shall write every day to you, and you must write to me.”
He held her close and kissed her. Then he hurried away.
Now that he had made the sacrifice to please his mother, he was angry
with himself for having done so. He felt that during this coming time of
trial he could not bear to see either his mother or Stella. He must be
married and fulfill his destiny, and, after that, all would be well. He
was enraged with his weakness, wondering where he could go to avoid the
people who had brought it about.
Suddenly Michael thought he would like to see Clere Abbey again, and he
turned into Paddington Station to find out if there were a train that
would take him down into Berkshire at once.
It was almost dark when Michael reached the little station at the foot
of the Downs. He was half inclined to put up at the village inn and
arrive at the Abbey in the morning; but he was feeling depressed by the
alteration of his plans, and longed to withdraw immediately into the
monastic peace. He had bought what he needed for the couple of nights
before any luggage could reach him, and he thought that with so little
to carry he might as well walk the six miles to the Abbey. He asked when
the moon would be up.
“Oh, not much before half-past nine, sir,” the porter said.
Michael suddenly remembered that to-morrow was Easter Sunday, and,
thinking it would be as well not to arrive too late, in case there
should be a number of guests, he managed to get hold of a cart. The wind
blew very freshly as they slowly climbed the Downs, and the man who was
driving him was very voluble on the subject of the large additions which
had been made to the Abbey buildings during the last few years.
“They’ve put up a grand sort of a lodge—Gatehouse, so some do call it.
A bit after the style of the Tower of London, I’ve heard some say.”
Michael was glad to think that Dom Cuthbert’s plans seemed to be coming
to perfection in their course. How long was it since he and Chator were
here? Eight or nine years; now Chator was a priest, and himself had done
nothing.
The Abbey Gatehouse was majestic in the darkness, and the driver pealed
the great bell with a portentous clangor. Michael recognized the
pock-marked brother who opened the door; but he could not remember his
name. He felt it would be rather absurd to ask the monk if he recognized
him by this wavering lanthorn-light.
“Is the Reverend—is Dom Cuthbert at the Abbey now?” he asked. “You
don’t remember me, I expect? Michael Fane. I stayed here one Autumn
eight or nine years ago.”
The monk held up the lanthorn and stared at him.
“The Reverend Father is in the Guest Room now,” said Brother Ambrose.
Michael had suddenly recalled his name.
“Do you think I shall be able to stay here to-night? Or have you a lot
of guests for Easter?”
“We can always find room,” said Brother Ambrose. Michael dismissed his
driver and followed the monk along the drive.
Dom Cuthbert knew him at once, and seemed very glad that he had come to
the Abbey.
“You can have a cell in the Gatehouse. Our new Gatehouse. It’s copied
from the one at Cerne Abbas in Dorsetshire. Very beautiful. Very
beautiful.”
Michael was introduced to the three or four guests, all types of
ecclesiastical laymen, who had been talking with the Abbot. The Compline
bell rang almost at once, and the Office was still held in the little
chapel of mud and laths built by the hands of the monks.
| Keep me as the apple of an eye. |
| Hide me in the shadow of thy wing. |
Here was worship unhampered by problems of social behavior: here was
peace.
Lying awake that night in his cell; watching the lattices very luminous
in the moonlight; hearing the April wind in the hazel coppice, Michael
tried to reach a perspective of his life these nine months since Oxford,
but sleep came to him and pacified all confusions. He went to Mass next
morning, but did not make his Communion, because he had a feeling that
he could only have done so under false pretenses. There was no reason
why he should have felt thus, he assured himself; but this morning there
had fallen upon him at the moment a dismaying chill. He went for a walk
on the Downs, over the great green spaces that marked no season save in
the change of the small flowers blowing in their turf. He wondered if he
would be able to find the stones he had erected that July day when he
first came here with Chator. He found what, as far as he could remember,
was the place; and he also found a group of stones that might have been
the ruins of his little monument. More remarkable than old stones now
seemed to him a Pasque anemone colored a sharp cold violet. It curiously
reminded him of the evening in March when he had walked with Lily in the
wood at Hardingham.
The peace of last night vanished in a dread of the future: Michael’s
partial surrender to his mother cut at his destiny with ominous stroke.
He was in a turmoil of uncertainty, and afraid to find himself out here
on these Downs with so little achieved behind him in the city. He
hurried back to the Abbey and wrote a wild letter to Lily, declaring his
sorrow for leaving her, urging her to be patient, protesting a feverish
adoration. He wrote also to Miss Harper a hundred directions for Lily’s
entertainment while he was away. He wrote to Nigel Stewart, begging him
to look after Barnes. All the time he had a sense of being pursued and
haunted; an intolerable idea that he was the quarry of an evil chase. He
could not stay at the Abbey any longer: he was being rejected by the
spirit of the place.
Dom Cuthbert was disappointed when he said he must go.
“Stay at least to-night,” he urged, and Michael gave way.
He did not sleep at all that night. The alabaster image of the Blessed
Virgin kept turning to a paper thing, kept nodding at him like a zany.
He seemed to hear the Gatehouse bell clanging hour after hour. He felt
more deeply sunk in darkness than ever in Leppard Street. At daybreak he
dressed and fled through the woods, trampling under foot the primroses
limp with dew. He hurried faster and faster across the Downs; and when
the sun was up, he was standing on the platform of the railway station.
To-day he ought to have married Lily.
At Paddington, notwithstanding all that he had suffered in the parting,
unaccountably to himself he did not want to turn in the direction of
Ararat House. It puzzled him that he should drive so calmly to Cheyne
Walk.
“I think my temperature must have been a point or two up last night,”
was the explanation he gave himself of what already seemed mere
sleeplessness.
Michael found his mother very much worried by his disappearance; she had
assumed that he had broken his promise. He consoled her, but excused
himself from staying with her in town.
“You mustn’t ask too much of me,” he said.
“No, no, dearest boy; I’m glad for you to go away, but where will you
go?”
He thought he would pay an overdue visit to Cobble Place.
Mrs. Ross and Mrs. Carthew were delighted to see him, and he felt as he
always felt at Cobble Place the persistent tranquillity which not the
greatest inquietude of spirit could long withstand. It was now nearly
three years since he had been there, and he was surprised to see how
very old Mrs. Carthew had grown in that time. This and the active
presence of Kenneth, now a jolly boy of nine, were the only changes in
the aspect of the household. Michael enjoyed himself in firing Kenneth
with a passion for birds’ eggs and butterflies, and they went long walks
together and made expeditions in the canoe.
Yet every day when Michael sat down to write to Lily, he almost wrote to
say he was coming to London as soon as his letter. Her letters to him,
written in a sprawling girlish hand, were always very much alike.
1 ARARAT HOUSE,
ISLAND ROAD, W.
My dear,
Come back soon. I’m getting bored. Miss Harper isn’t bad. Can’t
write a long letter because this nib is awful. Kisses.
Your loving
Lily.
This would stand for any of them.
May month had come in: Michael and Kenneth were finding whitethroats’
nests in the nettle-beds of the paddock, before a word to Mrs. Ross was
said about the marriage.
“Stella has written to me about it,” she told him.
They were sitting in the straggling wind-frayed orchard beyond the
stream: lamps were leaping: apple-blossom stippled the grass: Kenneth
was chasing Orange Tips up the slope toward Grogg’s Folly.
“Stella has been very busy all round,” said Michael. “I suppose
according to her I’m going to marry an impossible creature. Creature is
as far as she usually gets in particular description of Lily.”
“She certainly wasn’t very complimentary about your choice,” Mrs. Ross
admitted.
“I wish somebody could understand that it doesn’t necessarily mean that
I’m mad because I’m going to marry a beautiful girl who isn’t very
clever.”
“But I gathered from Stella,” Mrs. Ross said, “that her past ...
Michael, you must be very tolerant of me if I upset you, because we
happen to be sitting just where I was stupid and unsympathetic once
before. You see what an impression that made on me. I actually remember
the very place.”
“She probably has done things in the past,” said Michael. “But she’s
scarcely twenty-three yet, and I love her. Her past becomes a trifle.
Besides, I was in love with her six years ago, and I—well, six years
ago I was rather thoughtless very often. I don’t want you to think that
I’m going to marry her now from any sense of duty. I love her. At the
same time when people argue that she’s not the correct young Miss they
apparently expect me to marry, I’m left unmoved. Pasts belong to men as
well as to women.”
Mrs. Ross nodded slowly. Kenneth came rushing up, shouting that he had
caught a frightfully rare butterfly. Michael looked at it.
“A female Orange Tip,” was the verdict.
“But isn’t that frightfully rare?”
Michael shook his head.
“No rarer than the males; but you don’t notice them, that’s all.”
Kenneth retired to find some more.
“And you’re sure you’ll be happy with her?” Mrs. Ross asked.
“As sure as I am that I shall be happy with anybody. I ought to be
married to her by now. This delay that I’ve so weakly allowed isn’t
going to effect much.”
Michael sighed. He had meant to be in Provence this month of May.
“But the delay can’t do any harm,” Mrs. Ross pointed out. “At any rate,
it will enable you to feel more sure of yourself, and more sure of her,
too.”
“I don’t know,” said Michael doubtfully. “My theory has always been that
if a thing’s worth doing at all, it’s worth doing at once.”
“And after you’re married,” she asked, “what are you going to do? Just
lead a lazy life?”
“Oh, no; I suppose I shall find some occupation that will keep me out of
mischief.”
“That sounds a little cynical. Ah, well, I suppose it is a
disappointment to me.”
“What’s a disappointment?”
“I’ve hoped and prayed so much lately that you would have a
vocation....”
“A priest,” he interrupted quickly, “It’s no good, Mrs. Ross. I have
thought of being one, but I’m always put off by the professional side of
it. And there are ways of doing what a priest does without being one.”
“Of course, I can’t agree with you there,” she said.
“Well, apart from the sacraments, I mean. Lately I’ve seen something of
the underworld, and I shall think of some way of being useful down
there. Already I believe I’ve done a bit.”
They talked of the problems of the underworld and Michael was encouraged
by what he fancied was a much greater breadth in her point of view
nowadays to speak of things that formerly would have made her gray eyes
harden in fastidious disapproval.
“I feel happier about you since this talk,” she said. “As long as you
won’t be content to let your great gift of humanity be wasted, as long
as you won’t be content to think that in marrying your Lily you have
done with all your obligations.”
“Oh, no, I shan’t feel that. In fact, I shall be all the more anxious to
justify myself.”
Kenneth came back to importune Michael for a walk as far as Grogg’s
Folly.
“It’s such fun for Kenneth to have you here!” Mrs. Ross exclaimed. “I’ve
never seen him so boisterously happy.”
“I used to enjoy myself here just as much as he does,” said Michael.
“Though perhaps I didn’t show it. I always think of myself as rather a
dreary little beast when I was a kid.”
“On the contrary, you were a most attractive boy; such a wide-eyed
little boy,” said Mrs. Ross softly, looking back into time. “I’ve seldom
seen you so happy as just before I blew out your candle the first night
of your first stay here.”
“I say, do come up the hill,” interrupted Kenneth despairingly.
“A thousand apologies, my lord,” said Michael. “We’ll go now.”
They did not stop until they reached the tower on the summit.
“When I was your age,” Michael told him, “I used to think that I could
see the whole of England from here.”
“Could you really?” said Kenneth, in admiration. “Could you see any of
France, too?”
“I expect so,” Michael answered. “I expect really I thought I could see
the whole world. Kenneth, what are you going to be when you grow up? A
soldier?”
“Yes, if I can—or what is a philosopher?”
“A philosopher philosophizes.”
“Does he really? Is that a difficult thing to do, to philosopherize?”
“Yes; it’s almost harder to do than to pronounce.”
Soon they were tearing down the hill, frightening the larks to right and
left of their progress.
The weather grew warmer every day, and at last Mrs. Carthew came out in
a wheel-chair to see the long-spurred columbines, claret and gold,
watchet, rose and white.
“Really quite a display,” she said to Michael. “And so you’re to get
married?”
He nodded.
“What for?” the old lady demanded, looking at him over her spectacles.
“Well, principally because I want to,” Michael answered, after a short
pause.
“The best reason,” she agreed. “But in your case insufficient, and I’ll
tell you why—you aren’t old enough yet to know what you do want.”
“Twenty-three,” Michael reminded her.
“Twenty-fiddlesticks!” she snapped. “And isn’t there a good deal of
opposition?”
“A good deal.”
“And no doubt you feel a fine romantical heroical young fellow?”
“Not particularly.”
“Well, I’m not going to argue against your marrying her,” said Mrs.
Carthew. “Because I know quite well that the more I proved you to be
wrong, the more you’d be determined to prove I was. But I can give you
advice about marriage, because I’ve been married and you haven’t. Is she
dark? If she’s dark, be very cold for a year, and if she doesn’t leave
you in that time, she’ll adore you for the rest of her life.”
“But she’s fair,” said Michael. “Very fair indeed.”
“Then beat her. Not actually, of course; but beat her figuratively for a
year. If you don’t, she’ll either be a shrew or a whiner. Both
impossible to live with.”
“Which did Captain Carthew do to you?” asked Michael, twinkling.
“Neither; I ruled him with a rod of iron.”
“But do you think I’m wise to wait like this before marrying her?”
Michael asked.
“There’s no wisdom in waiting to do an unwise thing.”
“You’re so sure it is unwise?”
“All marriages are unwise,” said Mrs. Carthew sharply. “That’s why
everybody gets married. For most people it is the only imprudence they
have an opportunity of committing. After that, they’re permanently cured
of rashness, and settle down. There are exceptions, of course: they take
to drink. I must say I’m greatly pleased with these long-spurred
columbines.”
Michael thought she had finished the discussion of his marriage, but
suddenly she said:
“I thought I told you to come and see me when you went down from
Oxford.”
“I ought to have come,” Michael agreed rather humbly. He always felt
inclined to propitiate the old lady.
“Here we have the lamentable result. Marriage at twenty-three.”
“Alan married at twenty-three,” he pointed out.
“Two fools don’t make a wise-man,” said Mrs. Carthew.
“He’s very happy.”
“He would be satisfied with much less than you, and he has married a
delightful girl.”
“I’m going to marry a delightful girl.”
The old lady made no reply. Nor did she comment again upon his prospect
of happiness.
In mid-May, after a visit of nearly a month, Michael left Cobble Place
and went to stay at Plashers Mead. Guy Hazlewood was the only friend he
still had who could not possibly have come into contact with Lily or her
former surroundings. Moreover, Guy was deep in love himself, and he had
been very sympathetic when he wrote to Michael about his engagement.
“Do I intrude upon your May idyll?” Michael asked.
“My dear chap, don’t be so absurd. But why aren’t you married? You’re as
bad as me.”
“Why aren’t you married?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Guy sighed. “Everybody seems to be conspiring to put
it off.”
They were sitting in Guy’s green library. The windows wide open let in
across the sound of the burbling stream the warm air of the lucid May
night, where bats and owls and evejars flew across the face of the
decrescent moon.
“It’s this dreamy country in which you live,” said Michael.
“What about you? You’ve let people put off your marriage.”
“Only for another two months,” Michael explained.
“You see I’m down to one hundred and fifty pounds a year now,” Guy
muttered. “I can’t marry on that, and I can’t leave this place, and her
people can’t afford to make her an allowance. They think I ought to go
away and work at journalism. However, I’m not going to worry you with my
troubles.”
Guy was a good deal with Pauline every day: Michael wrote long letters
to Lily and read poetry.
“Browning?” asked Guy one afternoon, looking over Michael’s shoulder.
“Yes; The Statue and The Bust.”
“Oh, don’t remind me of that poem. It haunts me,” Guy declared.
A week passed. There was no moon now, and the nights grew warmer. It was
weather to make lovers happy, but Guy seemed worried. He would not come
for walks with Michael through the dark and scented water-meadows, and
Michael used to think that often at night he was meeting Pauline. It
made him jealous to imagine them lost in this amaranthine profundity.
They were happy now, if through all their lives they should never be
happy again. Yet Guy was obviously fretted: he was getting spoiled by
good fortune. “And I have had about a fortnight of incomplete
happiness,” Michael said to himself. Supposing that a calamity fell upon
him during this delay. He would never cease to regret his weakness in
granting his mother’s request: he would hate Stella for having
interfered: his life would be miserable forever. Yet what calamity did
he fear? In a sudden apprehension, he struck a match and read her last
letter:
1 ARARAT HOUSE,
ISLAND ROAD, W.
My dear,
It’s getting awfully dull in London. Miss Harper asked me to call
her “Mabel.” Rather cheek, I thought, don’t you think so? But she’s
really awfully decent. I can’t write a long letter because we’re
going to the Palace. I say, do buck up and come back to London, I’m
getting bored. Love and kisses.
Lily.
What’s the good of writing “kisses”?
What indeed was the good of writing “kisses”? Michael thought, as the
match fizzed out in the dewy grass at his feet. It was not fair to treat
Lily like this. He had captured her from life with Sylvia, because he
had meant to marry her at once. Now he had left her alone in that flat
with a woman he did not know at all. Whatever people might say against
Lily, she was very patient and trustful. “She must love me a good
deal,” Michael said. “Or she wouldn’t stand this casual treatment.”
Pauline came to tea next day with her sisters Margaret and Monica.
Michael had an idea that she did not like him very much. She talked
shyly and breathlessly to him; and he, embarrassed by her shyness,
answered in monosyllables.
“Pauline is rather jealous of you,” said Guy that evening, as they sat
in the library.
“Jealous of me?” Michael was amazed.
“She has some fantastic idea that you don’t approve of our engagement.
Of course, I told her what nonsense she was thinking; but she vowed that
this afternoon you showed quite plainly your disapproval of her. She
insists that you are very cold and severe.”
“I’m afraid I was very dull,” Michael confessed apologetically. “But I
was really envying you and her for being together in May.”
“Together!” Guy repeated. “It’s the object of everyone in Wychford to
keep us apart!”
“Do tell her I’m not cold,” Michael begged. “And say how lovely I think
her; for really, Guy, she is very lovely and strange. She is a fairy’s
child.”
“She is, she is,” Guy said. “Sometimes I’m nearly off my head with the
sense of responsibility I have for her happiness. I wonder and wonder
until I’m nearly crazed.”
“I’m feeling responsible just now about Lily. I’ve never told you, Guy,
but you may hear from other people that I’ve made what is called a
mésalliance. Of course, Lily has been....” He stumbled. He could find no
words that would not humiliate himself and her. “Guy, come up with me
to-morrow and meet her. It’s not fair to leave her like this,” he
suddenly proclaimed.
“I don’t think I can come away.”
“Oh, yes, you can. Of course. You must,” Michael urged.
“Pauline will be more jealous of you than ever, if I do.”
“For one night,” Michael pleaded. “I must see her. And you must meet
her. Everyone has been so rotten about her, and, Guy, you’ll appreciate
her. I won’t bore you by describing her. You must meet her to-morrow.
And the rooms in Ararat House. By Jove, you’ll think them wonderful. You
should see her in candlelight among the mirrors. Pauline won’t mind your
coming away with me for a night. We’ll stay at Cheyne Walk.”
“Well, as a matter of fact, I’m rather hard up just now....”
“Oh, what rot! This is my expedition. And when you’ve seen her, you must
talk to my mother about her. She’s so prejudiced against Lily. You will
come, won’t you?”
Guy nodded a promise, and Michael went off to bed on the excitement of
to-morrow’s joy.
Guy would not start before the afternoon, and Michael spent the morning
under a willow beside the river. It was good to lie staring up at the
boughs, and know that every fleecy cloud going by was a cloud nearer to
his seeing Lily again.
Michael and Guy arrived at Paddington about five o’clock.
“We’ll go straight round from here and surprise her,” Michael said,
laughing with excitement, as they got into a taxi. “She’ll have had a
letter from me this morning, in which I was lamenting not seeing her for
six weeks. My gad, supposing she isn’t in! Oh, well, we can wait. You’ll
love the room, and we’ll all three sit out in the garden to-night, and
you’ll tell me as we walk home to Chelsea what you think of her. Guy
you’ve absolutely got to like her. And if you don’t ... oh, but you
will. It isn’t everybody who can appreciate beauty like hers. And
there’s an extraordinary subtlety about her. Of course, she isn’t at all
subtle. She’s simple. In fact, that’s one of the things Stella has got
against her. What I call simplicity and absence of training for effect
Stella calls stupidity. My own belief is that you’ll be quite content to
look at her and not care whether she talks or not. I tell you, she’s
like a Piero della Francesca angel. Cheer up, Guy. Why are you looking
so depressed?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said Guy. “I’m thinking what a lucky chap you are.
What’s a little family opposition when you know you’re going to be able
to do what you want? Who can stop you? You’re independent, and you’re in
love.”
“Of course they can’t stop me!” Michael cried, jumping up and down on
the cushions of the taxi in his excitement. “Guy, you’re great! You
really are. You’re the only person who’s seen the advantage of going
right ahead. But don’t look so sad yourself. You’ll marry your Pauline.”
“Yes, in about four years,” Guy sighed.
“Oh, no, no; in about four months. Will Pauline like Lily? She won’t be
jealous of me when I’m married will she?”
“No, but I think I shall be,” Guy laughed.
“Laugh, you old devil, laugh!” Michael shouted. “Here we are. Did you
ever see such a house? It hasn’t quite the austerity of Plashers Mead,
has it?”
“It looks rather fun,” Guy commented.
“You know,” Michael said solemnly, pausing for a moment at the head of
the steps going down to the front door. “You know, Guy, I believe that
you’ll be able to persuade my mother to withdraw all her opposition
to-night. I believe I’m going to marry Lily this week. And I shall be
so glad—Guy, you don’t know how glad I shall be.”
He ran hurriedly down the steps and had pressed the bell of Number One
before Guy had entered the main door.
“I say, you know, it will be really terrible if she’s out after all my
boasting,” said Michael. “And Miss Harper, too—that’s the
housekeeper—my housekeeper, you know. If they’re both out, we’ll have
to go round and wait in the garden until they come in. Hark, there’s
somebody coming.”
The door opened, and Michael hurried in.
“Hullo, good afternoon, Miss Harper. You didn’t expect to see me, eh?
I’ve brought a friend. Is Miss Haden in the big room?”
“Miss Haden is out, Mr. Fane,” said the housekeeper.
“What’s the matter? You’re looking rather upset.”
“Am I, Mr. Fane?” she asked blankly. “Am I? Oh, no, I’m very well. Oh,
yes, very well. It’s the funny light, I expect, Mr. Fane.”
She seemed to be choking out all her words, and Michael looked at her
sharply.
“Well, we’ll wait in the big room.”
“It’s rather untidy. You see, we—I wasn’t expecting you, Mr. Fane.”
“That’s all right,” said Michael. “Hulloa ...I say, Guy, go on into that
room ahead. I’ll be with you in a minute.”
Guy mistook the direction and turned the handle of Lily’s bedroom door.
“No, no,” Michael called. “The double doors opposite.”
“My mistake,” said Guy cheerfully. “But don’t worry: the other door was
locked. So if you’ve got a Bluebeard’s Closet, I’ve done no harm.”
He disappeared into the big room, and the moment he was inside Michael
turned fiercely to Miss Harper.
“Who’s is this hat?” he demanded, snatching it up.
“Hat? What hat?” she choked out.
“Why is the door of her bedroom locked? Why is it locked—locked?”
The stillness of the crepuscular hall seemed to palpitate with the
woman’s breath.
“Miss Haden must have locked it when she went out,” she stammered.
“Is that the truth?” Michael demanded. “It’s not the truth. It’s a lie.
You wouldn’t be panting like a fish in a basket, unless there was
something wrong. I’ll break the door in.”
“No, Mr. Fane, don’t do that!” the woman groaned out, in a cracked
expostulation. “This is the first time since you’ve been away. And it
was an old friend.”
“How dare you tell me anything about him? Guy! Guy!”
Michael rushed into the big room and dragged Guy out.
“Come away, come away, come away! I’ve been sold!”
“If you’d only listen a moment. I could——” Miss Harper began.
Michael pushed her out of their path.
“What on earth is it?” Guy asked.
“Come on, don’t hang about in this hell of a house. Come on, Guy.”
Michael had flung the door back to slam into Miss Harper’s face, and,
seizing Guy by the wrist, he dragged him up the steps, and had started
to run down the road, when Guy shouted:
“Michael, the taxi! The taxi’s waiting with our bags.”
“Oh, very well, in a taxi then, a taxi if you like,” Michael chattered,
and he plunged into it.
“Where to?” the driver asked.
“Cheyne Walk. But drive quickly. Don’t hang about up and down this
road.”
The driver looked round with an expression of injured dignity, shook his
head in exclamation, and drove off.
“What on earth has happened?” Guy asked. “And why on earth are you
holding a top-hat?”
Michael burst into laughter.
“So I am. Look at it. A top-hat. I say, Guy, did you ever hear of anyone
being cut out by a top-hat, cuckolded by a top-hat? We’ll present it to
the driver. Driver! Do you want a top-hat?”
“Here, who are you having a game with?” demanded the driver, pulling up
the car.
“I’m not having a game with anybody,” Michael said. “But two people and
this top-hat have just been having a hell of a game with me. You’d much
better take it as a present. I shall only throw it away. He refuses,”
Michael went on. “He refuses a perfectly good top-hat. Who’s the maker?
My god, his dirty greasy head has obliterated the name of the maker.
Good-bye, hat! Drive on, drive on!” he shouted to the driver, and hurled
the hat spinning under an omnibus. Then he turned to Guy.
“I’ve been sold by the girl I was going to marry,” he said. “I say, Guy,
I’ve got some jolly good advice for you. Don’t you marry a whore. Sorry,
old chap!—I forgot you were engaged already. Besides, people don’t
marry whores, unless they’re fools like me. Didn’t you say just now that
I was very lucky? Do you know—I think I am lucky. I think it was a
great piece of luck bringing you to see that girl to-day. Don’t you? Oh,
Guy, I could go mad with disappointment. Will nothing in all the world
ever be what it seems?”
“Look here, Michael, are you sure you weren’t too hasty? You didn’t
wait to see if there was any explanation, did you?”
“She was only going back to her old habits,” said Michael bitterly. “I
was a fool to think she wouldn’t. And yet I adored her. Fancy, you’ve
never seen her, after all. Lovely, lovely animal!”
“Oh, you knew what she was?” exclaimed Guy.
“Knew? Yes, of course I knew; but I thought she loved me. I didn’t care
about anything when I was sure she loved me. She could only have gone
such a little way down, I thought. She seemed so easy to bring out.
Seeds of pomegranate. Seeds of pomegranate! She’s only eaten seeds of
pomegranate, but they were enough to keep her behind. Where are we
going? Oh, yes, Cheyne Walk. My mother will be delighted when she hears
my news, and so will everybody. That’s what’s amusing me. Everybody will
clap their hands, and I’m wretched. But you are sorry for me, Guy? You
don’t think I’m just a fool being shown his folly? And at eighteen I was
nearly off my head only because I saw someone kiss her! There’s one
thing over which I score—the only person who can appreciate all the
humor of this situation is myself.”
Nearly all the way to Cheyne Walk Michael was laughing very loudly.
Guy thought it would be better if he went straight back to Plashers
Mead; but Michael asked him to stay until the next day. He was in no
mood, he said, for a solitary evening, and he could not bear the notion
of visiting friends, or of talking to his mother without the restriction
that somebody else’s presence would produce.
So Guy agreed to spend the night in London, and they dined with Mrs.
Fane. Michael in the sun-colored Summer room felt smothered by a
complete listlessness; and talking very little, he sat wondering at the
swiftness with which a strong fabric of the imagination had tumbled
down. The quiet of Cheyne Walk became a consciousness of boredom and
futility, and he suggested on a sudden impulse that he and Guy should go
and visit Maurice in the studio. It would be pleasant walking along the
Embankment, he said.
“But I thought you wanted to keep quiet,” Guy exclaimed.
“No, I’ve grown restless during dinner; and, besides, I want to make a
few arrangements about the flat, and then be done with that
business—forever.”
They started off without waiting for coffee. It was a calm Summer
evening of shadows blue and amethyst, of footfalls and murmurs, an
evening plumy as a moth, warm and gentle as the throat of a pigeon.
Nobody on any pavement was hurrying; and maidservants loitered in area
gates, looking up and down the roads.
The big room at the top of 422 Grosvenor Road had never seemed so
romantic. There were half a dozen people sitting at the open windows;
and Cunningham was playing a sonata of Brahms, a sonata with a melody
that was drawing the London night into this big room where the
cigarettes dimmed and brightened like stars. The player sat at the piano
for an hour, and Maurice unexpectedly made no attempt to disturb the
occasion. Michael thought that perhaps he was wondering what had brought
himself and Guy here, and for that reason did not rush to show Guy his
studio by gaslight: Maurice was probably thinking how strange it was for
Michael to revisit him suddenly like this after their quarrel.
When the room was lighted up, Michael and Guy were introduced to the men
they did not know. Among them was Ronnie Walker, the painter whom
Maurice had mentioned to Michael as an old lover of Lily. Michael knew
now why Maurice had allowed the music to go on so long, and he was
careful to talk as much as possible to Walker in order to embarrass
Maurice, who could scarcely pay any attention to Guy, so nervously was
he watching over his shoulder the progress of the conversation.
Later on Michael called Maurice aside, and they withdrew to the
window-seat which looked out over the housetops. A cat was yauling on a
distant roof, and in the studio Cunningham had seated himself at the
piano again.
“I say, I’m awfully sorry that Ronnie Walker should happen to be here
to-night,” Maurice began. “I have been rather cursing myself for telling
you about him and....”
“It doesn’t matter at all,” Michael interrupted. “I’m not going to marry
her.”
“Oh, that’s splendid!” Maurice exclaimed. “I’ve been tremendously
worried about you.”
Michael looked at him; he was wondering if it were possible that Maurice
could be “tremendously worried” by anything.
“I want you to arrange matters,” said Michael. “I can’t go near the
place again. She will probably prefer to go away from Ararat House. The
rent is paid up to the June quarter. The furniture you can do what you
like with. Bring some of it here. Sell the rest, and give her the money.
Get rid of the woman who’s there—Miss Harper her name is.”
“But I shall feel rather awkward....”
“Oh, don’t do it. Don’t do it, then!” Michael broke in fretfully. “I’ll
ask Guy.”
“You’re getting awfully irascible,” Maurice complained. “Of course I’ll
do anything you want, if you won’t always jump down my throat at the
first word I utter. What has happened, though?”
“What do you expect to happen when you’re engaged to a girl like that?”
Michael asked.
Maurice shrugged his shoulders.
“Oh, well, of course I should expect to be badly let down. But then, you
see, I’m not a very great believer in women. What are you going to do
yourself?”
“I haven’t settled yet. I’ve got to arrange one or two things in town,
and then I shall go abroad. Would you be able to come with me in about a
week?”
“I daresay I might,” Maurice answered, looking vaguely round the room.
Already, Michael thought, the subject was floating away from his facile
comprehension.
The piano had stopped, and conversation became general again.
“This is where you ought to be, if you want to write,” Maurice
proclaimed to Guy. “It’s ridiculous for you to bury yourself in the
country. You’ll expire of stagnation.”
“Just at present I recommend you to stay where you are,” said Castleton.
“I’m almost expiring from the violence with which I am being
precipitated from one to another of Maurice’s energies.”
Soon afterward Michael and Guy left the studio and walked home; and next
morning Guy went back to Wychford.
Michael was astonished at his own calmness. After the first shock of the
betrayal he had gone and talked to a lot of people; he had coldly made
financial arrangements; he had even met and rather liked a man whom only
yesterday morning he could not have regarded without hatred for the part
he had played in Lily’s life. Perhaps he had lost the power to feel
anything deeply for long; perhaps he was become a sort of Maurice;
already Lily seemed a shade of the underworld, merely more clearly
remembered than the others. Yet in the moment that he was calling her a
shade his present emotion proved that she was much more than that, for
the conjured image of her was an icy pang to his heart. Then the
indifference returned, but always underneath it the chill remained.
Mrs. Fane asked if he would care to go to the Opera in the evening: and
they went to Bohême. Michael used to be wrung by the music, but he sat
unmoved to-night. Afterward, at supper, he looked at his mother as if
she were a person in a picture; he was saddened by the uselessness of
all beauty, and by the number of times he would have to undress at night
and dress again in the morning. He had no objection to life itself, but
he felt an overwhelming despair at the thought of any activity in the
conduct of it. He was sorry for the people sitting here at supper and
for their footmen waiting outside. He felt that he was spiritually
withered, because he was aware that he was surrendering to the notion of
a debased material comfort as the only condition worth achieving for a
body that remained perfectly well; grossly well, it almost seemed.
“Michael, have you been bored to-night?” his mother asked, when they had
come home and were sitting by the window in the drawing-room, while
Michael finished a cigar.
He shook his head.
“You seemed to take no interest in the opera, and you usually enjoy
Puccini, don’t you? Or was it Wagner you enjoy so much?”
“I think summer in London is always tiring,” he said.
She was in that rosy mist of clothes with which his earliest pictures of
her were vivid. Suddenly he began to cry.
“Dear child, what is it?” she whispered, with fluttering arms
outstretched to comfort him.
“Oh, I’ve finished with all that! I’ve finished with all that! You’ll be
delighted—you mustn’t be worried because I seem upset for the moment. I
found out that Lily did not care anything about me. I’m not going to
marry her or even see her again.”
“Michael! My dearest boy! What is it?”
“Finished! Finished! Finished!” he sobbed.
“Nothing is finished at twenty-three,” she murmured, leaning over to pet
him.
“I do hate myself for having hurt your feelings the other day.”
It was as if he seized upon a justification for grief so manifest. It
seemed to him exquisitely sad that he should have wounded his mother on
account of that broken toy of a girl. Soon he could control himself
again; and he went off to bed.
Next day Michael’s depression was profound because he could perceive no
reaction from himself on Lily. The sense of personal loss was merged in
the reproach of failure; he had simply been unable to influence her. She
was the consummation of many minor failures. And what was to happen to
her now? What was to happen to all the people with whose lives he had
lately been involved? Must he withdraw entirely and confess defeat? No
doubt a cynic would argue that Lily was hopeless, and indeed he knew
that from any point of view where marriage was concerned she was
hopeless. He must leave her where he had found her, in that pretty
paradise of evil which now she well adorned. If her destiny was to whirl
downward through the labyrinths of the underworld, he could do no more.
That himself had issued with the false dreams through the ivory gate was
her fault, and she must pay the penalty of her misdirection. He would
revisit Leppard Street, and from the innermost circle where he had
beheld Mrs. Smith he would seek a way out through the gate of true
dreams. He would be glad to see if the amount of security he had been
able to guarantee to Barnes had helped him at all. He had money and he
could leave money behind in Leppard Street, money that might preserve
the people in the house where he had lived. Was this a quixotic notion,
to leave one set of people free from the necessity to hand themselves
over to evil? Michael’s spirits began to rise as he looked forward to
what he could still effect in Leppard Street. And for Lily what could he
still do? He would visit Sylvia and consult with her. She was strong,
and if she had chosen harlotry, she was still strong. She was not lazy
nor languid. Lazy, laughing, languid Lily! Lily did not laugh much; she
was too lazy even for that. How beautiful she had been! Her beauty
stabbed him with the poignancy of what was past. How beautiful she had
been! When Maurice went to tell her of the final ending of it all, she
would pout and shrug her shoulders. That was all she would do; and she
would be faintly resentful at having been disturbed in her lazy life.
Perhaps Maurice would fall in love with her, and it would be ironical
and just that she should fall violently in love with Maurice and be cast
off by him. Maurice would never suffer; as soon as a woman showed a sign
of upsetting his theories about feminine behavior he would be done with
her. He would jilt her as easily as he jilted one Muse for another. Why
was he being so hard on Maurice?
“I believe that down in my heart I still don’t really like him,” Michael
said to himself. “Right back from the time I met him in Macrae’s form at
Randell’s I’ve never really liked him.”
It was curious how one could grow more and more intimate with a person,
and all the time never really like him; so intimate with him as to
intrust him with the disposal of a wrecked love-affair, and all the
while never really like him. Why, then, had he invited Maurice to go
abroad? Perhaps he wanted the company of someone he could faintly
despise. Even friendship must pay tribute to human vanity. Life became a
merciless business when one ceased to stand alone. The herding instinct
of man was responsible for the corruption of civilization, and Michael
thought of the bestiality of a crowd. How loathsome humanity was in the
aggregate, but individually how rare, how wonderful.
Michael walked boldly enough toward Tinderbox Lane; and when he rang the
bell of Mulberry Cottage not a qualm of sentiment assailed him. He was
definitely pleased with himself, as he stood outside the door in the
wall, to think with what a serenity of indifference he was able to visit
a place so much endeared to him a little time ago.
Mrs. Gainsborough answered the door and nearly fell upon Michael’s
neck.
“Good Land! Here’s a surprise.”
“It’s almost more of a surprise for me to see you, Mrs. Gainsborough.”
“Why, who else should you see?”
“I was beginning to think you never existed. Can I come in?”
“Sylvia’s indoors,” she said warningly.
“I rather wanted to see her.”
“She’s been carrying on alarming about you ever since you stole her
Lily. And she didn’t take me on her knee and cuddle me, when she found
you were gone off. How do you like me new frock?”
Michael thought that in her checkered black and green gingham she looked
like an old Summer number of an illustrated magazine, and he told her
so.
“Well, there! Did you ever? I never did. There’s a bouquet to hand a
lady! Back number! Whatever next? I wonder you hadn’t the liberty to say
I’d rose from the grave.”
“Aren’t I to see Sylvia?” Michael asked, laughing.
“Well, don’t blame me if she packs you off with a flea in your ear, as
they say—well, she is a Miss Temper, and no mistake. How do you like me
garden?”
Mulberry Cottage was just the bower of greenery that Michael had
supposed he would find in early June.
“Actually roses,” he exclaimed. “Or at least there will be very soon.”
“Oh, yes. Glory de Die-Johns. That was always Pa’s favorite. That and a
good snooze of a Sunday afternoon was about what he cared most for in
this world. But my Captain he used to like camellias, and gardenias of
course—oh, he had a very soft corner in his heart for a nice gardenia.
Ah dear, what a masher he was to be sure!”
Sylvia had evidently seen them walking up the garden path, for leaning
over the railings of the balcony she was waiting for them.
“Here’s quite a stranger come to see you,” said Mrs. Gainsborough, with
a propitiatory glance in Sylvia’s direction.
“I rather want to have a talk with you,” said Michael, and he, too,
found himself rather annoyingly adopting a deprecating manner.
Sylvia came slowly down the balcony steps.
“I suppose you want my help,” she said, and her underlip had a warning
out-thrust.
“I’ll get on with my fal-lals,” Mrs. Gainsborough muttered, and she
bundled herself quickly indoors.
Sylvia and Michael sat down on the garden-seat under the mulberry tree
whose leaves were scarcely yet uncurling. Michael found a great charm in
sitting close to Sylvia like this: she and Stella both possessed a
capacity for bracing him that he did not find in anyone else. Sylvia was
really worth quarreling with; but it would be very delightful to be
friends with her. He had never liked a person so much whom he had so
little reason to like. He could not help thinking that in her heart
Sylvia must like him. It was a strangely provocative fancy.
“Lily and I have parted,” he began at once.
“And why do you suppose that piece of information will interest me?”
Sylvia asked.
Michael was rather taken aback. When he came to consider it, there did
seem no good reason why Sylvia should any longer be interested after the
way in which Lily had been snatched away from her. He was silent for a
moment.
“But it would have interested you a short time ago,” he said.
“No doubt,” Sylvia agreed. “But luckily for me one of the benefits
conferred by my temperament is an ability to throw aside things that
have disappointed me, things that have ceased to be useful—and what
applies to things applies even more strongly to people.”
“You mean to say you’ve put Lily right out of your life?” Michael
exclaimed.
He was shocked by the notion, for he did not realize until this moment
how much he had been depending upon Sylvia for peace of mind.
“Haven’t you put her out of your life?” she asked, looking round at
him sharply. Until this question she had been staring sullenly down at
the grass.
“Well, I had to,” said Michael.
“You’re bearing up very well under the sad necessity,” she sneered.
“I don’t know that I am bearing up very well. I don’t think that coming
to you to talk about it is a special sign of fortitude.”
“What do you want me to do?” Sylvia demanded. “Get her back into your
life again? Isn’t that the phrase you like?”
“Oh, no, that’s unimaginable,” said Michael. “You see, it was really the
second time. Once six years ago, and again now, very much more—more
utterly. You said that your temperament enables you to throw off things
and people. Mine makes me bow to what I fancy are irremediable strokes
of fate.”
“Unimaginable! Irremediable! We’re turning this interview into a
Rossetti sonnet,” Sylvia scoffed.
“I was thinking about that poem Jenny to-day. It’s funny you should
mention Rossetti.”
“Impervious youth!” she exclaimed.
“It’s hopeless for you to try to wound me with words,” Michael assured
her, with grave earnestness. “I was wounded the day before yesterday
into complete immunity from small pains.”
“I suppose you found her ...”
Michael flushed and gripped her by the wrist.
“No, no, don’t say something brutal and beastly!” he stammered. “You
know what happened. You prophesied it. Well, I thought you were wrong,
and you were right. That’s a victory for you. You couldn’t wish for me
to be more humbled than I am by having to admit that I wasn’t strong
enough to keep her faithful for six weeks. But we did agree, I think,
about one thing.” He smiled sadly. “We did agree that she was beautiful.
You were as proud of that as I was, and of course you had a great deal
more reason to be proud. You did own her. I never owned her, and isn’t
that your great objection to the relation between man and woman?”
“What are you trying to make me do?” Sylvia asked.
“I want you to have Lily to live with you again.”
“To relieve yourself of all responsibility, I suppose,” she said
bitterly.
“No, no; why will you persist in ascribing the worst motive to
everything I say? Isn’t your jealousy fed full enough even yet?”
Sylvia made the garden-seat quiver with an irritable movement.
“You will persist in thinking that jealousy solved all problems,” she
cried.
“Oh, don’t let us turn aside into what isn’t very important. You can’t
care whether I think you’re jealous or not.”
“I don’t care in so far as it is your opinion,” Sylvia admitted. “But I
object to inaccurate thinking. If your life was spent in a confusion of
all moral values as mine is, you would be anxious for a little
straightforward computation for a change.”
“Perhaps you are right,” Michael admitted, “in thinking that I’m asking
you to look after Lily to relieve myself of a responsibility. But it’s
only because I see no chance of doing it in any other way. I mean—it’s
not laziness on my part. It’s a confession of absolute failure.”
“In fact, you’re throwing yourself on my mercy,” Sylvia said.
“Yes; and also her,” he added gently.
“Am I such a moral companion—such an ennobling influence?”
“I would sooner think of her under your influence than think of her
drifting. What I want you to understand is that I’m not consigning her
to you for sentimental reasons. I would sooner that Lily were dragged
down by you at a gallop than that she should sink slowly and lazily of
her own accord. You have a strong personality. You are well-read. You
are quite out of the common, and in the life you have chosen, so far as
I have had experience, you are unique.”
Sylvia stared in front of her, and Michael waited anxiously for the
reply.
“Have you ever read Petronius?” she asked suddenly.
“Yes, but what an extraordinary girl you are—have you ever read
Petronius?”
“It’s the only book in which anyone in my position with my brains could
behold herself. Oh, it is such a nightmare. And life is a nightmare,
too. After all, what is life for me? Strange doors in strange houses.
Strange men and strange intimacies. Scenes incredibly grotesque and
incredibly beastly. The secret vileness of human nature flung at me. Man
revealing himself through individual after individual as utterly
contemptible. What can I worship? Not my own body soiled by my traffic
in it. Not any religion I’ve ever heard of, for in all religions man is
set up to be respected. I tell you, my dear eager fool, it is beyond my
conception ever, ever, ever to regard a man as higher than a frog, as
less repulsive than—ugh! it makes me shudder—but oh, my son, doesn’t
it make me laugh....” She rocked herself with extravagant mirth for a
moment. Then she began again, staring out in front of her intensely,
fiercely, speaking with the monotonous voice of a visionary. “So I
worship woman, and in this nightmare city, in this nightmare life, Lily
was always beautiful; only beautiful, mind you. I don’t want to worship
anything but beauty. I don’t care about purity or uprightness, but I
must have beauty. And you came blundering along and kidnapped my lovely
girl. You came along, thinking you were going to regenerate her, and you
can’t understand that I’m only able to see you in the shape of a frog.
It does amuse me to hear you talking to me so solemnly and so earnestly
and so nobly ... and all the time I can only see a clumsy frog.”
“But what has all this to do with Petronius? There’s nothing in that
romance particularly complimentary to women,” Michael argued.
“It’s the nightmare effect of it that I adore,” Sylvia exclaimed. “It’s
the sensation of being hopelessly plunged into a maze of streets from
which there’s no escape. I was plunged just like that into London. It is
gloriously and sometimes horribly mad, and that’s all I want in my
reading now. I want to be given the sensation of other people having
been mad before me ... years ago in a nightmare. Besides, think of the
truth, the truth of a work of art that seems ignorant of goodness. Not
one moderately decent person all through.”
“And you will take Lily back?” Michael asked.
“Yes, yes, of course I will. But not because you ask me, mind. Don’t for
heaven’s sake, puff yourself up with the idea that I’m doing anything
except gratify myself in this matter.”
“I don’t want you to do it for any other reason,” he said. “I shall feel
more secure with that pledge than with any you could think of. By the
way, tell me about a man called Walker. Ronald Walker—a painter. He had
an affair with Lily, didn’t he?”
“Ronnie Walker? He painted her; that was all. There was never anything
more.”
“And Lonsdale? Arthur Lonsdale?”
“Who? The Honorable Arthur?”
Michael nodded.
“Yes, we met him first at Covent Garden, and went to Brighton with him
and another boy—Clarehaven—Lord Clarehaven.”
“Oh, I remember him at the House,” said Michael.
“Money is necessary sometimes, you know,” Sylvia laughed.
“Of course it is. Look here. Will you in future, whenever you feel
you’re in a nightmare—will you write to me and let me send money?” he
asked. “I know you despise me and of course ... I understand; but I
can’t bear to think of anyone being haunted as you must be haunted
sometimes. Don’t be proud about this, because I’ve got no pride left.
I’m only terribly anxious to be of service to somebody. There’s really
no reason for you to be proud. You see, I should always be so very much
more anxious to help than you would to be helped. And it really isn’t
only because of Lily that I say this. I’ve got a good many books you’d
enjoy, and I think I’ll send them to you. Good-bye.”
“Good-bye,” she said, looking at him curiously.
Michael turned away from her down the gravel-path, and a moment later
slammed the door. He had only gone a few steps away, when he heard
Sylvia calling after him.
“You stupid!” she said. “You never told me Lily’s address.”
“I’ll give you a card.”
“Mr. Michael Fane,” she read, “1 Ararat House, Island Road.” She looked
at him and raised her eyebrows.
“You see, I expected to live there myself,” Michael explained. “I told a
friend of mine, Maurice Avery, to clear up everything. The furniture can
all be sold. If you want anything for here, take it of course; but I
think most of the things will be too large for Mulberry Cottage.”
“And what shall I say to Lily?” she asked.
“Oh, I don’t think I should say anything about me.”
“Who was the man?”
“I never saw him,” said Michael. “I only saw his hat.”
She pulled him to her and kissed him.
“How many women have done that suddenly like that?” she demanded.
“One—well, perhaps two.” He was wondering if Mrs. Smith’s kiss ought to
count in the comparison.
“I never have to any man,” she said, and vanished through the door in
the wall.
Michael hoped that Sylvia intended to imply by that kiss that his offer
of help was accepted. Fancy her having read Petronius! He could send her
his Adlington’s Apuleius. She would enjoy reading that, and he would
write in it: I’ve eaten rose-leaves and I am no longer a golden ass.
Perhaps he would also send her his Shelton’s Don Quixote.
When Michael turned out of Tinderbox Lane into the Fulham Road, each
person of humanity he passed upon the pavement seemed to him strange
with unrevealed secrets. The people of London were somehow transfigured,
and he longed to see their souls, if it were only in the lucid flashes
of a nightmare. Yet for nearly a year he had been peering into the
souls of people. Had he, indeed. Had he not rather been peering to see
in their souls the reflection of his own? He was moved by the thought of
Sylvia in London, and suddenly he was swept from his feet by the surging
against him of the thoughts of all the passers-by and, struggling in the
trough of these thoughts, he was more and more conscious that unless he
fought for himself he would be lost. The illusion fled on the instant of
its creation; and the people were themselves again—dull, quick, slow,
ordinary, depressed, gay; political busy-bodies, political fools,
political slaves, political animals. How they huddled together, each one
of them afraid to stand for himself. It was political passion that made
them animals, each dependent in turn on the mimicry of his neighbor.
Each was solicitous or jealous or fond or envious of his neighbor’s
opinion. God was meaningless to the political state: this herd cared
only for idols. Michael began to make a catalogue of the Golden Calves
that the Golden Asses of green England worshiped. They were bowing down
and braying to their Golden Calves, these Golden Asses, and they could
not see that there were rose-trees growing everywhere, most prodigally
of all in the gutter, any one petal of which (what did the thorns
matter?) would have given back to them their humanity. Yet even then,
Michael dismally concluded, they would continue to bow down to the
Golden Calves, because they would fancy that it was the Calves who had
planted and cultivated the rose-trees. Then out of all the thronging
thoughts made visible he began to pursue the fancy of Sylvia in London,
and, as he did so, she faded farther and farther from his vision like a
butterfly seen from a train, that keeps pace, it seems for a moment, and
is lost upon the flowery embankment behind.
Meanwhile, Michael was feeling sharpened for conflict by that talk under
the mulberry tree: he realized what an amount of determination he had
stored up for the persuasion of Sylvia. Now there only remained Leppard
Street, and then he would go away from London. He walked on through the
Chelsea slums.
Leppard Street was more melancholy in the sunshine than it had ever
seemed in Winter, not so much because the sun made more evident the
corrosion and the foulness as because of the stillness it shed. Not a
breath of air twitched the torn paper-bag on the doorstep of Number One;
and the five tall houses with their fifty windows stared at the blank
wall opposite.
Michael wondered if Barnes would be out of bed: it was not yet one
o’clock. He rang the front-door bell, or rather he hoped that the
creaking of the broken wire along the basement passage would attract
Mrs. Cleghorne’s attention. When he had tugged many times, she came out
into the area, and peered up to see who it was. The sudden sunlight must
have dazzled her eyes, for she was shading them with her hand. With her
fibrous neck working and with an old cap of her husband’s pinned on a
skimpy bun at the back of her head, she was horrible after Mrs.
Gainsborough in the black and green gingham. Michael looked down at her
over the railings; and she, recognizing him at last, pounced back to
come up and open the door.
“I couldn’t think who it was. We had a man round selling pots of musk
this morning, and I didn’t want to come trapesing upstairs for nothing.”
Mrs. Cleghorne was receiving him so pleasantly that Michael scarcely
knew what to say. No doubt his regular payment of rent had a good deal
to do with it.
“Is Mr. Barnes up?” he asked.
“I don’t know, I’m sure. I never go inside his door now. No.”
“Oh, really? Why not?”
“I’m the last person to make mischief, Mr. Fane, but I don’t consider he
has treated us fair.”
“Oh, really?”
“He’s got a woman here living with him. Now of course that’s a thing I
should never allow, but seeing as you weren’t here and was paying the
rent regular I thought to myself that I’ll just shut my eyes until you
came back. It’s really disgusting, and we has to be so particular with
the other lodgers. It’s quite upset me, it has; and Mis-ter Cleghorne
has been intending to speak to him about it. Only his asthma’s been so
bad lately—it really seems to have knocked all the heart out of him.”
This pity for her husband was very ominous, Michael thought. Evidently
the landlady was defending herself against an abrupt forfeiture of rent
for the ground floor. Michael tapped at the door of his old room: it was
locked.
“I’ll get on down again to my oven,” said Mrs. Cleghorne with a ratlike
glance at the closed door. “I’m just cooking a bit of fish for my old
man’s dinner.”
She fixed him with her eyes that were beady like the head of the hatpin
in her cap, and sweeping her hand upward over her nose, she vanished.
Michael rapped again and, as there was no answer, he went along the
passage and tried the bedroom door. Barnes’ voice called out to know who
was there. Michael shouted his name, and heard Barnes whispering to
somebody inside. Presently he opened the sitting-room door and invited
Michael to come in.
It was extraordinary to see how with a few additions the character of
the room had changed since Michael left it. The furniture was still
there; but what had seemed ascetic was now mean. Spangled
picture-postcards were standing along the mantelpiece. The autotypes of
St. George and the Knight in Armor were both askew: the shelves had
novelettes interspersed among the books; a soiled petticoat of yellow
moirette lay over Michael’s narrow bed, which he was surprised to see in
the sitting-room: a gas-stove had been fixed in the fireplace, and the
old steel grate had been turned into a deposit for dirty plates and
dishes: but what struck Michael most were the heavy curtains over the
folding-doors between the two rooms. He looked at Barnes, waiting for
him to explain the alterations.
“Looks a bit more homelike than it did, doesn’t it?” said Barnes,
blinking round him.
A deterioration was visible even in Barnes himself. This was not merely
the result of being without a collar or a shave, Michael decided: it was
as hard to define as the evidence of death in a man’s eyes; but there
clung to him an aura of corruption, and it seemed as if at a touch he
would dissolve into a vile deliquescence.
“You look pretty pasty,” said Michael severely.
“Worry, old man, worry,” said Barnes. “Well, to put it straight, I fell
in with a girl who was down on her luck, and I knew you’d be the very
one to encourage a bit of charity. So I brought her here.”
“Why are you sleeping in this room?” Michael asked.
“You’re getting a Mr. Smart, aren’t you?” said Barnes. “Fancy you’re
noticing that. Oh, well, I suppose you’ve come to ask for your rooms
back?”
Michael with the consciousness of the woman behind those curtained doors
knew that he could discuss nothing at present. He felt that all the time
her ear was at the keyhole, and he went out suddenly, telling Barnes to
meet him at the Orange that night.
Again the beerhall impressed him with its eternal sameness. It was as if
a cinema film had broken when he last went out of the Café d’Orange, and
had been set in action again at the moment of his return. He looked
round to see if Daisy was there, and she was. Her hat which had
formerly been black and trimmed with white daisies was now, to mark the
season, white and trimmed with black daisies.
“Hulloa, little stranger!” she exclaimed. “Where have you been?”
So exactly the same was the Orange that Michael was almost surprised
that she should have observed a passage of time.
“You never seem to come here now,” she said reproachfully. “Come on. Sit
down. Don’t stand about like a man selling matches on the curb.”
“How’s Bert?” Michael asked.
“Who?”
“Bert Saunders. The man you were living with in Little Quondam Street.”
“Oh, him! Oh, I had to get rid of him double quick. What? Yes, when it
came to asking me to go to Paris with a fighting fellow. Only fancy the
cheek of it! It would help him, he said, with his business. Dirty Ecnop!
I soon shoved him down the Apples-and-pears.”
“I haven’t understood a word of that last sentence,” said Michael.
“Don’t you know back-slang and rhyming-slang? Oh, it’s grand! Here, I
forgot, there’s something I wanted to tell you. Do you remember you was
in here with a fellow who you said his name was Burns?”
“Barnes, you mean, I expect. Yes, he’s supposed to be meeting me here
to-night, as a matter of fact.”
“Well, you be careful of him. He’ll get you into trouble.”
Michael looked incredulous.
“It’s true as I sit here,” said Daisy earnestly. “Come over in the
corner and let’s have our drink there. I can’t talk here with that
blue-nosed —— behind me, squinting at us across his lager.” She looked
round indignantly at the man in question.
They moved across to one of the alcoves, and Daisy leaned over and spoke
quietly and rather tensely, so differently from the usual rollick of her
voice that Michael began to feel a presentiment of dread.
“I was out on the Dilly one night soon after you’d been round to my
place, and I was with a girl called Janie Filson. ‘Oo-er,’ she said to
me. ‘Did you see who that was passed?’ I looked round and saw this
fellow Burns.”
“Barnes,” Michael corrected.
“Oh, well, Barnes. His name doesn’t matter, because it isn’t his own,
anyway. ‘That’s Harry Meats,’ she said. And she called out after him.
‘Hulloa, Harry, where’s Cissie?’ He went as white as ... oh, he did go
shocking white. He just turned to see who it was had called out after
him, and then he slid up Swallow Street like a bit of paper. ‘Who’s
Cissie?’ I said. ‘Don’t you remember Cissie Cummings?’ she said. ‘That
fair girl who always wore a big purple hat and used to be in the
Leicester Lounge and always carried a box of chocolates for swank?’ I
did remember the girl when Janie spoke about her. Only I never knew her,
see? ‘He wasn’t very pleased when you mentioned her,’ I said. ‘Didn’t he
look awful?’ said Janie, and just then she got off with a fellow and I
couldn’t ask her any more.”
“I don’t think that’s enough to make me very much afraid of Barnes,”
Michael commented.
“Wait a minute, I haven’t finished yet. Don’t be in such a hurry. The
other day I saw Janie Filson again. She’s been away to Italy—is there a
place called Italy? Of course there is. Well, as I was saying, she’d
been to Italy with her fellow who’s a commercial traveler and that’s why
I hadn’t seen her. And Janie said to me, ‘Do you know what they’re
saying?’ I said, ‘No, what?’ And she said, ‘Did you read nearly a year
ago about a woman who was found murdered in the Euston Road? A gay woman
it was,’ she said. So I said, ‘Lots of women is found murdered, my dear.
I can’t remember every one I see the picture of.’ Well, anyone can’t,
can they?” Daisy broke off to ask Michael in an injured voice. Then she
resumed her tale. “When I was with that fellow Bert I used to read
nothing else but murders all the time. Give anyone the rats, it would.
‘Lots of women, my dear,’ I said. And she said, ‘Well, there was one in
particular who the police never found out the name of, because there
wasn’t any clothing or nothing found.’ So I did remember about it, and
she said, ‘Well, they’re saying now it was Cissie Cummings.’ And I said,
‘Well, what of it, if it was?’ And she said, ‘What of it?’ she said.
‘Well, if it was her,’ she said, ‘I know who done it.’ ‘Who done it?’ I
asked—because, you see, I’d forgotten about this fellow Burns. ‘Why,
Harry Meats,’ she said. ‘That fellow I saw on the Dilly the night when I
was along with you.’”
“I don’t think you have enough evidence for the police,” Michael
decided, with half a smile. Yet nevertheless a malaise chilled him, and
he looked over his shoulder at the mob in the beer hall.
“—— the police!” Daisy exclaimed. “I don’t care about them when I’m
positive certain of something. I tell you, I know that fellow Burns, or
Meats, or whatever his name is, done it.”
“But what am I to do about it?” Michael asked.
“Well, you’ll get into trouble, that’s all,” Daisy prophesied. “You’d
look very funny if he was pinched for murder while you was out walking
with him. Ugh! It gives me the creeps. Order me a gin, there’s a good
boy.”
Michael obtained for Daisy her drink, and sat waiting for Barnes to
appear.
“He won’t come,” Daisy scoffed. “If he’s feeling funny about the neck,
he won’t come down here. He’s never been down since that night he came
down with you. Fancy, to go and do a poor girl in like that! I’d spit in
his face, if I saw him.”
“Daisy, you really mustn’t assume such horrible things about a man. He’s
as innocent as you or me.”
“Is he?” Daisy retorted. “I don’t think so then. You never saw how
shocking white his face went when Janie asked him about Cissie.”
“But if there were any suspicion of him,” Michael pointed out, “the
police would have tackled him long ago.”
“Oh, they aren’t half artful, the police aren’t,” said Daisy. “Nothing
they’d like better than get waiting about and seeing if he didn’t go and
murder another poor girl, so as they could have him for the two, and be
all the more pleased about it.”
“That’s talking nonsense,” Michael protested. “The police don’t do that
sort of thing.”
“I don’t know,” Daisy argued. “One or two poor girls more or less
wouldn’t worry them. After all, that’s what we’re for—to get pinched
when they’ve got nothing better to do. Of course, I know it’s part of
the game, but there it is. If you steal my purse and I follow you round
and tell a copper, what would he do? Why, pinch me for soliciting. No,
my motto is, ‘Keep out of the way of the police.’ And if you take my
advice, you’ll do the same. If this fellow didn’t do the girl in,” Daisy
asked earnestly, leaning forward over the table, “why doesn’t he come
down here and keep his appointment with you to-night? Don’t you worry.
He knows the word has gone round, and he’s going to lie very low for a
bit. I wouldn’t say the tecs aren’t watching out for him even now.”
“My dear Daisy, you’re getting absolutely fanciful,” Michael declared.
“Oh, well, good luck to fanciful,” said Daisy, draining her glass.
“Here, why don’t you come home with me to-night?”
“What, and spend another three hours hiding in a cupboard?”
“No, properly, I mean, this time. Only we should have to go to a hotel,
because the woman I’m living with’s got her son come home from being a
soldier and she wouldn’t like for him to know anything. Well, it’s
better not. You’re much more comfortable when you aren’t in gay rooms,
because they haven’t got a hold over you. Are you coming?”
For a moment Michael was inclined to invite Daisy to go away with him.
For a moment it seemed desirable to bury himself in a corner of the
underworld: to pass his life there for as long as he could stand it. He
could easily make this girl fond of him, and he might be happy with her.
No doubt, it would be ultimately a degrading happiness, but yet not much
more degrading than the prosperity of many of his friends. He had always
escaped so far and hidden himself successfully. Why not again more
completely? What, after all, did he know of this underworld without
having lived of it as well as in it? Hitherto he had been a spectator,
intervening sometimes in the sudden tragedies and comedies, but never
intervening except as very essentially a spectator. He thought, as he
sat opposite to Daisy with her white dress and candid roguery, that it
would be amusing to become a rogue himself. There would be no strain in
living with Daisy. Love in the way that he had loved Lily would be a
joke to her. Why should not he take her for what she was—shrewd,
mirthful, kind, honest, the natural light of love? He would do her no
wrong by accepting her as such. She was immemorial in the scheme of the
universe.
Michael was on the point of offering to Daisy his alliance, when he
remembered what Sylvia had said about men and, though he knew that Daisy
could not possibly think in that way about men, he had no courage to
plunge with her into deeper labyrinths not yet explored. He thought of
the contempt with which Sylvia would hail him, were they in this
nightmare of London to meet in such circumstances. A few weeks
ago—yesterday, indeed—he might have joined himself to Daisy under the
pretext of helping her and improving her. Now he must help himself: he
must aim at perfecting himself. Experiments, when at any moment passion
might enter, were too dangerous.
“No, I won’t come home with you, dear Daisy,” he said, taking her hand
over the puddly table. “You know, you didn’t kiss me that night in
Quondam Street because you thought I might one day come home with you,
did you?”
She shrugged her shoulders.
“What’s the good of asking me why I kissed you?” she said, embarrassed
and almost made angry by his reminder. “Perhaps I was twopence on the
can. I can get very loving on a quartern of gin, I can. Oh, well, if you
aren’t coming home, you aren’t, and I must get along. Sitting talking to
you isn’t paying my rent, is it?”
He longed to offer her money, but he could not, because it was seeming
to him now indissolubly linked with hiring. However genuinely it was a
token of exchange, money was eluding his capacity for idealization, and
he was at a loss to find a symbol service.
“Is there nothing I can do for you?”
“Yes, you can give me two quid in case I don’t get off to-night.”
He offered them to her eagerly.
“Go on, you silly thing,” she said, pushing the money away. “As if I
meant it.”
“If you didn’t, I did,” said Michael.
“Oh, all right,” she replied, with a wink, putting the money in her
purse. “Well, chin-chin, Clive, don’t be so long coming down here next
time.”
“Michael is my name,” he said, for he was rather distressed to think
that she would pass forever from his life supposing him to be called
Clive.
“As if I didn’t know that,” she said. “I remember, because it’s a Jew
name.”
“But it isn’t,” Michael contradicted.
“Jews are called that.”
“Very likely,” he admitted.
“Oh, well, it’ll be all the same in a hundred years.”
She picked up her white gloves, and swaggered across the crowded
beerhall. At the foot of the stairs she turned and waved them to him.
Then she disappeared.
Michael sat on in the Café d’Orange, waiting for Barnes, but he did not
arrive before closing-time; and when Michael was walking home, the tale
of Daisy gathered import, and he had a dreary feeling that her
suspicions were true. He did not feel depressed so much because he was
shocked by the notion of Barnes as a murderer (he thought that probably
murder was by no means the greatest evil he had done), as because he
feared the fancy of him in the hands of the police. It appalled him to
imagine that material hell of the trial. The bandage dropped from the
eyes of justice, and he saw her pig’s-eyes mean, cowardly, revengeful;
and her scales were like a grocer’s. He pitied Barnes in the clutches of
anthropocracy. What a ridiculous word: it probably did not exist. After
all, Daisy’s story was ridiculous, too. Barnes had objected to himself’s
hailing him as Meats: and there were plenty of reasons to account for
his dislike of Janie Filson’s salute without supposing murder.
Nevertheless, back again, as softly and coaxingly as the thought used to
come to Michael when he was a small boy lying in bed, the thought of
murder maintained an innuendo of probability. Yet it was absurd to think
of murder on this summer night, with all these jingling hansoms and all
that fountainous sky of stars. Why, then, had Barnes not met him at the
Orange to-night? It was not like him to break an appointment when his
pocket might be hurt. What rumor of Cissie Cummings had traveled even to
Leppard Street?
Michael had reached Buckingham Palace Road, and he took the direction
for Pimlico; it was not too late to get into the house. He changed his
mind again and drove back to Cheyne Walk. Up in his bedroom, the
curiosity to know why Barnes had not kept the appointment recurred with
double force, and Michael after a search found the key of the house in
Leppard Street and went out again. It was getting on for two o’clock,
and without the lights of vehicles the night was more than ever
brilliant. Under the plane-trees Michael was stabbed with one pang for
Lily, and he repined at the waste of this warm June.
The clocks had struck two when he reached Leppard Street, and the houses
confronted him, their roofs and chimneys prinked with stars. Several
windows glimmered with a turbid orange light; but these signals of
habitation only emphasized the unconsciousness of the sleepers behind,
and made the desolation of the rest more positive. The windows of his
old rooms were black, and Michael unlocked the front door quietly and
stood listening for a moment in the passage. He could hear a low
snarling in the bedroom, but from where he was standing not a word was
distinct, and he could not bring himself to point of listening close to
the keyhole. He shut the front door and waited in the blackness,
fascinated by the rise and fall of the low snarl that was seeming so
sinister in this house. It was incredible that a brief movement would
open the front door again and let in the starlight; for, as he stood
here, Leppard Street was under the earth deep down. He moved a little
farther into the hall, and, putting out his hand to feel for the
balusters, drew back with a start, for he might have clapped it down
upon a cold bald head, so much like that was the newel’s wooden knob.
Still the snarling rose and fell: the darkness grew thicker and every
instant more atramental, beating upon him from the steeps of the house
like the filthy wings of a great bat: and still the snarling rose and
fell. It rose and fell like the bubbling of a kettle, and then without
warning the kettle overflowed with spit and hiss and commotion. Every
word spoken by Barnes and the woman was now audible.
“I say he gave you thirty shillings. Now then!” Barnes yapped.
“And I tell you he only gave me a sovereign, which you’ve had.”
“Don’t I hear through the door what you get?”
Michael knew why Barnes had not been able to keep his appointment
to-night, and though he was outraged at the use to which his rooms had
been put, he was glad to be relieved of the fear that this snarling was
the prelude to the revelation of Barnes as a murderer. The
recriminations with their details of vileness were not worth hearing
longer, and Michael went quickly and quietly out into the Summer night,
which smelled so sweet after that passage.
He turned round by the lamp-post at the corner and looked back at the
five stark houses; he could not abandon their contemplation; and he
pored upon them as intensely as he might have pored upon a tomb of black
basalt rising out of desert sand. He was immured in the speculation of
their blackness: he pondered hopelessly their meaning and brooded upon
the builders that built them and the sphinx that commanded them to be
built.
In his present mood Michael would have thought Stonehenge rather
prosaic; and he leaned against the wall in the silence, thinking of
brick upon brick, or brick upon brick slabbed with mortar and chipped
and tapped in the past, of brick upon brick as the houses grew higher
and higher ... a railway engine shrieked suddenly: the door of Number
One slammed: and a woman came hurrying down the steps. She looked for a
moment to right and left of her, and then she moved swiftly with a wild,
irregular walk in Michael’s direction. He had a sensation that she had
known he was standing here against this wall, that she had watched him
all the while and was hurrying now to ask why he had been standing here
against this wall. He could not turn and walk away: he could not advance
to meet her: so he stood still leaning against the wall. Michael saw her
very plainly as she passed him in the lamplight. Her hat was askew, and
a black ostrich plume hung down over her big chalky face: her lips were
glistening as if they had been smeared with jam. She was wearing a black
satin cloak, and she seemed, as her skirts swept past him, like an
overblown grotesque of tragedy being dragged by a wire from the scene.
Michael shuddered at the monstrousness of her femininity; he seemed to
have been given a glimpse of a mere mass of woman, a soft obscene
primeval thing that demanded blows from a club, nothing else. He
realized how in a moment men could become haters of femininity, could
hate its animalism and wish to stamp upon it. The physical repulsion he
had felt vanished when the sound of her footsteps had died away. In the
reaction Michael pitied her, and he went back quietly to Number One with
the intention of turning Barnes into the street. He was rather startled
as he walked up the steps to see Barnes’ face pressed against the
window-pane, for it seemed to him ludicrous that he should wave
reassuringly to a mask like that.
Barnes hurried to open the front door before Michael had taken the key
from his pocket, and was not at all surprised to see him.
“Here, I couldn’t get down to the Orange to-night. I’ve had a bit of
trouble with this girl.”
The gas was flaring in the sitting-room by now, and the night, which
outside had been lightening for dawn, was black as ink upon the panes.
“Sit on the bed. The chairs are all full of her dirty clothes. I’ll pull
the blinds down. I’m going to leave here to-morrow, Fane. Did you see
her going down the road? She must have passed you by. I tell you
straight, Fane, half an hour back I was in two minds to do her in. I
was, straight. And I would have, if ... Oh, well, I kept my temper and
threw her out instead. Gratitude! It’s my belief gratitude doesn’t exist
in this world. You sit down and have a smoke. He left some cigarettes
behind.”
“Who did?” Michael asked sharply.
“Who did what?”
“Left these cigarettes.”
“Oh, they’re some I bought yesterday,” said Barnes.
“I think it’s just as well for you that you are going to-morrow morning.
I hope you quite realize that otherwise I should have turned you out.”
“Well, don’t look at me in that tone of voice,” Barnes protested. “I’ve
had quite enough to worry me without any nastiness between old friends
to make it worse.”
“You can’t expect me to be pleased at the way you’ve treated my rooms,”
Michael said.
“Oh, the gas-stove, you mean?”
“It’s not a question of gas-stoves. It’s a question of living on a
woman.”
“Who did?”
“You.”
“If I’d had to live on her earnings, I should be very poorly off now,”
grumbled Barnes, in an injured voice.
Under Michael’s attack he was regaining his old perkiness.
“At any rate, you must go to-morrow morning,” Michael insisted.
“Don’t I keep on telling you that I’m going? It’s no good for you to nag
at me, Fane.”
“And what about the woman?”
“Her? Let her go to ——,” said Barnes contemptuously. “She can’t do me
any harm. What if she does tell the coppers I’ve been living on her?
They won’t worry me unless they’ve nothing better to do, and I’ll have
hooked it by then.”
“You’re sure she can’t do you any harm?” Michael asked gravely. “There’s
nothing else she could tell the police?”
“Here, what are you talking about?” asked Barnes, coming close to
Michael and staring at him fixedly. Michael debated whether he should
mention Cissie Cummings, but he lacked the courage either to frighten
Barnes with the suggestion of his guilt or to preserve a superior
attitude in the face of his enraged innocence.
“I shall come round to-morrow morning, or rather this morning, at nine,”
said Michael. “And I shall expect to find you ready to clear out of here
for good.”
“You’re very short with a fellow, aren’t you?” said Barnes. “What do you
want to go away for? Why don’t you stay so as you can see me off the
premises?”
Michael thought that he could observe underneath all the assurance a
sharp anxiety on Barnes’ part not to be left alone.
“You can lay down and have a sleep in here. I’ll get on into the
bedroom.”
Michael consented to stay, and Barnes was obviously relieved. He put out
the gas and retired into the bedroom. The dawn was graying the room, and
the sun would be up in less than an hour. Early sparrows were beginning
to chirp. The woman who had burst out of the door and fled up the street
seemed now a chimera of the night. Half-dozing, Michael lay on the bed,
half dozing and faintly oppressed by the odor of patchouli coming from
the clothes heaped upon the chairs. St. George was visible already, and
even the outlines of The Knight in Armor were tremulously apparent.
Michael wondered why he did not feel a greater resentment at the
profanation of these rooms. And why did Barnes keep fidgeting on the
other side of the folding doors? The sparrows were cheeping more loudly:
the trains were more frequent. Michael woke from sleep with a start and
saw that Barnes was throwing the clothes from the chairs on the floor:
stirred up thus in this clear light the scent of patchouli was even more
noticeable. What on earth was Barnes doing? He was turning the whole
room upside-down.
“What the deuce are you looking for?” Michael yawned.
“That’s all right, old man, you get on with your sleep. I’m just putting
my things together,” Barnes told him.
Michael turned over and was beginning to doze again when Barnes woke him
by the noise he made in taking the dirty dishes out of the old grate.
“How on earth can I sleep, when you’re continually fidgeting?” Michael
demanded fretfully. “What’s the time?”
“Just gone half-past five.”
Barnes paid no more attention to Michael’s rest, but began more
feverishly than ever to rummage among all the things in the room.
Michael could not stand his activity any longer, and dry-mouthed from an
uncomfortable sleep, he sat up.
“What are you looking for?”
“Well, if you want to know, I’m looking for a watch-bracelet.”
“It’s not likely to be under the carpet,” said Michael severely.
Barnes was wrenching out the tacks to Michael’s annoyance.
“Perhaps it isn’t,” Barnes agreed. “But I’ve got to find this
watch-bracelet. It’s gold. I don’t want to lose it.”
“Was it a woman’s?”
Barnes looked round at him like a small animal alarmed.
“Yes, it was a woman’s. What makes you ask?”
“What’s it like?”
“Gold. Gold, I keep telling you.”
“When did you have it last?”
“Last night.”
“Well, it can’t have gone far.”
“No, blast it, of course it can’t,” said Barnes, searching with renewed
impatience. He was throwing the clothes about the room again, and the
odor of staleness became nauseating.
“I’m going to wash,” Michael announced, moving across to the bedroom.
“You’ll excuse the untidiness,” Barnes called out after him, in a tone
of rather strained jocularity.
Of Michael’s old room no vestige remained. A very large double-bed took
up almost all the space, and all the furniture was new and tawdry. The
walls were hung with studies of cocottes pretending to be naiads and
dryads, horrible women posed in the silvanity of a photographer’s
studio. The room was littered with clothes, and Michael could not move a
step without entangling his feet in a petticoat or treading upon hidden
shoes. He tried to splash his face, but the very washstand was sickly.
“Well, you’ve managed to debauch my bedroom quite successfully,” he said
to Barnes, when he came back to the sitting-room.
“That’s all right. I’ll get rid of all the new furniture. I can pop the
lot. Well, it’s mine. If I could find this bloody watch-bracelet, I
could begin to make some arrangements.”
“What about breakfast?” Michael began to look for something to eat.
Every plate and knife was dirty, and there were three or four
half-finished tins of condensed milk which had turned pistachio green
and stank abominably.
“There’s a couple of herrings somewhere,” said Barnes. “Or there was.
But everything seems upside-down this morning. Where the hell is that
watch? It can’t have walked away on its own. If that mare took it! I’ve
a very particular reason for not wanting to lose that watch. Oh,
—— ——! wherever can it have got to?”
“Well, anyway shut up using such filthy language. When does the milkman
come round?”
“I don’t know when he comes round. Here, Fane, have you ever heard of
anyone talking in their sleep?”
“Of course I’ve heard of people talking in their sleep,” Michael
answered. “It’s not very unusual.”
“Ah, hollering out, yes—but talking in a sensible sort of a way, so
that if you came in and listened to what they said, you’d think it was
the truth? Have you ever heard of that?”
“I don’t suppose I can give you an instance, but obviously it must often
happen.”
“Must it?” said Barnes, in a depressed voice. “You see, I set particular
value by this watch-bracelet; and I thought perhaps I might have talked
about it in my sleep, and that mare just to spite me have gone and taken
it. I wonder where it is now.”
Michael also began to wonder where it was now, and Barnes’ anxiety was
transferred to him, so that he began to fancy the whole of this fine
morning was tremendously bound up with exactly where the watch-bracelet
now was. Barnes had begun to turn over everything for about the sixth
time.
“If the watch is here,” said Michael irritably, “it will be found when
you move your things out, and if it’s not here, it’s useless to go on
worrying about it.”
“Ah, it’s all very nice for you to be so calm! But what price it’s being
my watch that’s lost, not yours, old sport?”
“I’m not going to talk about it any more,” Michael declared. “I want to
know what you’re going to do when you leave here.”
“Ah, that’s it! What am I?”
“Would you like to go to the Colonies?”
“What, say good-bye to dear old Leicester Square and pop off for good
and all? I wouldn’t mind.”
“I don’t mind telling you,” said Michael, “that if I’d discovered you
here a week ago living like this, I should have had nothing more to do
with you. As it is, I’ve a good mind to sling you out to look after
yourself. However, I’m willing to get you a ticket for wherever you
think you’d like to go, and when I hear you’ve arrived, I’ll send you
enough money to keep you going for a time.”
“Fane, I don’t mind saying it. You’ve been a good pal to me.”
“Hark, there’s the milkman at last!” Michael exclaimed. He went out into
the sparkling air of the fine Summer morning and came back with plenty
of milk for breakfast. After they had made a sort of meal, he suggested
that Barnes ought to come with him and visit some of the Colonial
Agencies. They walked down Victoria Street and across St. James’ Park,
and in the Strand he made Barnes have a shave. The visit to the barber
took away some of his nocturnal raffishness, and Michael found him very
amusing during the various discussions that took place in the Agencies.
“I think the walk has done you good.”
“Yes,” Barnes doubtfully admitted. “I don’t think it has done me much
harm.”
They had lunch at Romano’s, where Barnes drank a good deal of Chianti
and became full of confidence in his future.
“That’s where it is, Fane. A fellow like you is lucky. But that’s no
reason why I shouldn’t be lucky in my turn. My life has been a failure
so far. Yes, I’m not going to attempt to deny it. There are lots of
things in my life that might have been different. You’ll understand when
I say different I mean pleasanter for everybody all round, myself
included. But that’s all finished. With this fruit-farm—well, of course
it’s no good grumbling and running down good things—those apples we saw
were big enough to make anybody’s fortune. Cawdashit, Fane, I can see
myself sitting under one of those apple-trees and counting the bloody
fruit falling down at my feet and me popping them into baskets and
selling them—where was it he said we sold them?” Barnes poured out more
Chianti. “Really, it seems a sin on a fine day like this to be hanging
about in London. Well, I’ve had some sprees in old London, and that’s a
fact; so I’m not going to start running it down now. If I hadn’t lost
that watch-bracelet, I wouldn’t give a damn for anybody. Good old
London,” he went on meditatively. “Yes, I’ve had some times—good times
and bad times—and here I am.”
He gradually became incoherent, and Michael thought it would be as well
to escort him back to Leppard Street and impress on him once again that
he must remove all his things immediately.
“You’ll have to be quick with your packing-up. You ought to sail next
week. I shall go and see about your passage to-morrow.”
They drove back to Leppard Street in a taxi, and as they got out Barnes
said emphatically:
“You know what it is, Fane? Cawdashit! I feel like a marquis when I’m
out with you, and it I hadn’t have lost that watch-bracelet I’d feel
like the bloody German Emperor. That’s me. All up in the air one minute,
and yet worry myself barmy over a little thing like a watch the next.”
“Hullo!” he exclaimed, looking up the road as their taxi drove off.
“Somebody else is playing at being a millionaire.”
Another taxi was driving into Leppard Street.
Michael had already opened the front door, and he told Barnes not to
hang about on the steps. Barnes turned reluctantly from his inspection
of the new taxi’s approach. It pulled up at Number One, and three men
jumped out.
“That’s your man,” Michael heard one of them say, and in another moment
he heard, “Henry Meats ... I hold a warrant ... murder of Cissie ...
anything you say ... used against you,” all in the mumbo-jumbo of a
nightmare.
Michael came down the steps again very quickly; and Barnes, now
handcuffed, turned to him despairingly.
“Tell ’em my name isn’t Meats, Fane. Tell ’em they’ve made a mistake.
Oh, my God, I never done it! I never done it!”
The two men were pushing him, dead white, crumpled, sobbing, into the
taxi; he seemed very small beside the big men with their square
shoulders and bristly mustaches. Michael heard him still moaning as the
taxi jangled and whirred abruptly forward. The third man watched it
disappear between the two walls; then he strolled up the steps to enter
the house. Mrs. Cleghorne was already in the hall, and over the
balusters of each landing faces could be seen peering down. As if the
word were uttered by the house itself, “murder” floated in a whisper
upon the air. The faces shifted; doors opened and shut far above;
footsteps hurried to and fro; and still of all these sounds “murder” was
the most audible.
“This is the gentleman who rents the rooms,” Mrs. Cleghorne was saying.
“But I’ve not been near them till yesterday evening for six months,”
Michael hurriedly explained.
“That’s quite right,” Mrs. Cleghorne echoed.
“Well, I’m afraid we must go through them,” said the officer.
“Oh, of course.”
“Let me see, is this your address?”
“Well, no—Cheyne Walk—173.”
“We might want to have a little talk with you about this here Meats.”
Michael was enraged with himself for not asseverating “Barnes! Barnes!
Barnes!” as he had been begged to do. He despised himself for not trying
to save that white crumpled thing huddled between those big men with
their bristly mustaches; yet all the while he felt violently afraid that
the police officer would think him involved in these disgraceful rooms,
that he would suppose the pictures and the tawdry furniture belonged to
him, that he would imagine the petticoats and underlinen strewn about
the floor had something to do with him.
“If you want me,” he found himself saying, “you have my address.”
Quickly he hurried away from Leppard Street, and traveled in a trance of
shame to Hardingham. Alan was just going in to bat, when Michael walked
across from the Hall to the cricket-field.
Stella came from her big basket chair to greet him, and for a while he
sat with her in the buttercups, watching Alan at the wicket. Nothing had
ever seemed so easy as the bowling of the opposite side on this fine
June evening, and Michael tried to banish the thought of Barnes in the
spaciousness of these level fields. Stella was evidently being very
careful not to convey the impression that she had lately won a victory
over him. It was really ridiculous, Michael thought, as he plucked idly
the buttercups and made desultory observations to Stella about the merit
of a stroke by Alan, it was more than ridiculous, it was deliberate
folly to enmesh himself with such horrors as he had beheld at Leppard
Street. There were doubtless very unpleasant events continually
happening in this world, but willfully to drag one’s self into misery on
account of them was merely to show an incapacity to appreciate the more
fortunate surroundings of one’s allotted niche. The avoidance of even
the sight of evil was as justifiable as the avoidance of evil itself,
and the moral economy of the world might suffer a dangerous
displacement, if everyone were to involve themselves in such events as
those in which himself had lately been involved. Duty was owing all the
time to people nearer at hand than Barnes. No doubt the world would be
better for being rid of him; diseases of the body must be fought, and
the corruption of human society must be cleansed. Any pity for Barnes
was a base sentimentalism; it was merely a reaction of personal
discomfort at having seen an unpleasant operation. The sentimentalism of
that cry “Don’t hurt him!” was really contemptible, and since it seemed
that he was likely to be too weak to bear the sight of the cleansing
knife, he must in future avoid the occasion of its use. Otherwise his
intellectual outlook was going to be sapped, and he would find himself
in the ranks of the faddists.
“I think I shall stay down here the rest of the summer, if I may,” he
said to Stella.
“My dear, of course you can. We’ll have a wonderful time. Hullo, Alan is
retiring.”
Alan came up and sat beside them in the buttercups.
“I thought I saw you just as I was going in,” he said. “Anything going
on in town?”
“No, nothing much,” said Michael. “I saw a man arrested for murder this
afternoon.”
“Did you really? How beastly! Our team’s just beginning to get into
shape. I say, Stella. That youth working on old Rundle’s farm is going
to be pret-ty good. Did you see him lift their fast bowlers twice
running over the pond?”
Michael strolled away to take a solitary walk. It seemed incredible now
to think that he had brought Lily down here, that he had wandered with
her over this field. What an infringement it must have seemed to Stella
and Alan of their already immemorial peace. They had really been very
good about his invasion. And here was the wood where he and Stella had
fought. Michael sat down in the glade and listened to the busy
flutterings of the birds. Why had Stella objected to his marriage with
Lily? All the superficial answers were ready at once; but was not her
real objection only another facet of the diamond of selfishness?
Selfishness was a diamond. Precious, hard, and very often
beautiful—when seen by itself.
Michael spent a week at Hardingham, during which he managed to put out
of his mind the thought of Barnes in prison awaiting his trial. Then one
day the butler informed him of a person wishing to speak to him. In the
library he found the detective who had asked for his address at Leppard
Street.
“Sorry to have to trouble you, sir, but there was one or two little
questions we wanted to ask.”
Michael feared he would have to appear at the trial, and asked at once
if that was going to be necessary.
“Oh, no, I don’t think so. We’ve got it all marked out fair and square
against Mr. Meats. He doesn’t stand a chance of getting off. How did you
come to be mixed up with him?”
Michael explained the circumstances which had led up to his knowing
Meats.
“I see; and you just wanted to give him a bit of a helping hand. Oh,
well, the feeling does you credit, I’m bound to say; but another time,
sir, I should make a few inquiries first. We should probably have had
him before, if he hadn’t been helped by you. Of course, I quite
understand you knew nothing about this murder, but anyone can often do a
lot of harm by helping undeserving people. We mightn’t have nabbed him
even now, if some woman hadn’t brought us a nice little bit of evidence,
and I found some more things myself after a search. Oh, yes, he doesn’t
stand an earthly. We knew for a moral cert who did it, straightaway; but
the police don’t get a fair chance in England. We let all these blooming
Radicals interfere too much. That’s my opinion. Anyone would think the
police was a lot of criminals by the way some people talk about them.”
“Is anybody defending him?” Michael asked.
“Oh, he’ll be awarded a counsel,” said the detective indignantly. “For
which you and me has to pay. That’s a nice thing, isn’t it? But he
doesn’t stand an earthly.”
“Where will he be hanged?”
“Pentonville.”
Michael thought how Mrs. Murdoch in Neptune Crescent would shudder some
Tuesday morning in the near future.
“I’m sorry you should have had to come all this way to find me,” Michael
said. He hated himself for being polite to the inspector, but he could
not help it. He rang the bell.
“Oh, Dawkins, will you give Inspector—what is your name, by the bye?”
“Dawkins,” said the inspector.
“How curious!” Michael laughed.
“Yes, sir,” the inspector laughed.
“Lunch in the gun room, Dawkins. You must be hungry.”
“Well, sir, I could do with a snack, I daresay.” He followed his
namesake from the room, and outside Michael could hear them begin to
chatter of the coincidence.
“But supposing I’d been in the same state of life as Meats,” Michael
said to himself. “What devil’s web wouldn’t they be trying to spin round
me?”
He was seized with fury at himself for his cowardice. He had thought of
nothing but his own reputation ever since Meats had been arrested. He
had worried over the opinion of a police inspector; had been ashamed of
the appearance of the rooms; had actually been afraid that he would be
implicated in the disgraceful affair. So long as it had been easy to
flatter himself with the pleasure he was giving or the good he was doing
to Meats, he had kept him with money. Now when Meats had been dragged
away, he was anxious to disclaim the whole acquaintanceship for fear of
the criticism of a big man with a bristly mustache. The despair in
Meats’ last cry to him echoed round this library. He had seen society in
action: not all the devils and fiends imagined by mediæval monks were so
horrible as those big men with bristly mustaches. What did they know of
Meats and his life? What did they care, but that they were paid by
society to remove rubbish? Justice had decreed that Meats should be
arrested, and like a dead rat in the gutter he was swept up by these
scavengers. What compact had he broken that men should freeze to stones
and crush him? He had broken the laws of men and the laws of God; he had
committed murder. And were not murders as foul being committed every
moment? Murdered ambition, murdered love, murdered pity, murdered
gratitude, murdered faith, did none of these cry out for vengeance?
Society had seized the murderer, and it was useless to cry out. Himself
was as impotent as the prisoner. Meats had sinned against the hive: this
infernal hive, herd, pack, swarm, whichever word expressed what he felt
to be the degradation of an interdependent existence. Mankind was become
a great complication of machinery fed by gold and directed by fear.
Something was needed to destroy this gregarious organism. War and
pestilence must come; but in the past these two had come often enough,
and mankind was the same afterward. This ant-hill of a globe had been
ravaged often enough, but the ants were all busy again carrying their
mean little burdens of food hither and thither in affright for the
comfort of their mean little lives.
“And I’m as bad as any of them,” said Michael to himself. “I know I have
obligations in Leppard Street, and I’ve run away from them because I’m
afraid of what people will think. Of course, I always fail. I’m a
coward.”
He could not stay any longer at Hardingham. He must go and see about
Mrs. Smith now. Society would be seizing her soon and bringing her
miserable life to an end in whitewashed prison corridors. He must do
something for Meats. Perhaps he would not be able to save him from
death, but he must not sit here ringing bells for butlers called Dawkins
to feed inspectors called Dawkins.
Stella came in with the first roses of the year.
“Aren’t they beauties?”
“Yes, splendid. I’m going up to town this afternoon.”
“But not for long?”
“I don’t know. It depends. Do you know, Stella, it’s an extraordinary
thing, but ever since you’ve practically given up playing, I feel very
much more alive. How do you account for that?”
“Well, I haven’t given up playing for one thing,” Stella contradicted.
“Stella do you ever feel inspired nowadays?”
“Not so much as I did,” she admitted.
“I feel now as if I were on the verge of an inspiration.”
“Not another Lily,” she said quickly, with half a laugh.
“You’ve no right to sneer at me about that,” he said fiercely. “You must
be very careful, you know. You’ll become flabby, if you aren’t
careful, here at Hardingham.”
“Oh, Michael!” she laughed. “Don’t look at me as if you were a Major
Prophet. I won’t become flabby. I shall start composing at once.”
“There you are!” he cried triumphantly. “Never say again that I can’t
wake you up.”
“You did not wake me up.”
“I did. I did. And do you know I believe I’ve discovered that I’m an
anarchist?”
“Is that your inspiration?”
“Who knows? It may be.”
“Well, don’t come and be anarchical down here, because Alan is going to
stand at the next election.”
“What on earth good would Alan be in Parliament?” Michael asked
derisively. “He’s much too happy.”
“Michael, why are you so horrid about Alan nowadays?”
He was penitent in a moment at the suggestion, but when he said
good-bye to Stella he had a curious feeling that from henceforth he was
going to be stronger than her.
On reaching London, Michael went to see Castleton at the Temple, and he
found him in chambers at the top of dusty stairs in King’s Beach Walk.
“Lucky to get these, wasn’t I?” said Castleton. By craning out of the
window, the river was visible.
“I suppose you’ve never had a murder case yet?” Michael asked.
“Not yet,” said Castleton. “In fact, I’m going in for Chancery work. And
I shall get my first brief in about five years, with luck.”
Michael inquired how one went to work to retain the greatest criminal
advocate of the day, and Castleton said he would have to be approached
through a solicitor.
“Well, will you get hold of him for me?”
Castleton looked rather blank.
“If you can’t get him, get the next best, and so on. Tell him the man I
want to defend hasn’t a chance, and that’s why I’m particularly anxious
he should get off.”
They discussed details for some time, and Castleton was astonished at
Michael’s wish to aid Meats.
“It seems very perverse,” he said.
“Perverse!” Michael echoed. “And what about your profession? That is
really the most perverse factor in modern life.”
“But in this case,” Castleton argued, “the victim seems so utterly
worthless.”
“Exactly,” said Michael. “But as society never interfered when he was
passively offensive, why, the moment he becomes actively offensive,
should society have the right to put him out of the way? They never
tried to cure him for his own good. Why should they kill him for their
own?”
“You want to strike at the foundations of the legal system,” said the
barrister.
“Exactly,” Michael agreed; and the argument came to an end because there
was obviously nothing more to be said.
Castleton promises to do all he could for Meats, and also to keep
Michael’s name out of the business. As Michael walked down the stairs,
it gave him a splendid satisfaction to think how already the law was
being set in motion against the law. A blow for Inspector Dawkins. And
what about the murdered girl? “She won’t be helped by Meats’ death,”
said Michael to himself. “Society is not considering her protection now
any more than it did when she was alive.” No slops must be emptied
here: and as Michael read the ascetic command above the tap on the
stairs he wondered for a moment if he were, after all, a sentimentalist.
Mrs. Cleghorne was very voluble when he reached Leppard Street.
“A nice set-out and no mistake!” she declared. “Half of the neighborhood
have been peeping over my area railings as if the murder had been done
in here. Mr. Cleghorne’s quite hoarse with hollering out to them to keep
off. And it never rains but what it pours. There’s a poor woman gone and
died here now. However, a funeral’s a little more lively than the police
nosing round, though her not having a blessed halfpenny and owing me
three weeks on the rent it certainly won’t be anything better than a
pauper’s funeral.”
“What woman?” Michael asked.
“Oh, a invalid dressmaker which I’ve been very good to—a Mrs. Smith.”
“Dead?” he echoed.
“Yes, dead, and laid out, and got a clergyman sitting with her body.
What clergyman? Roman Catholic, I should say. It quite worried Mr.
Cleghorne. He said it gave him the rats to have a priest hanging around
so close at hand. You see, being asthmatic, he’s read a lot about these
Roman Catholics, and he doesn’t hold with them. They’re that underhand,
he says, it makes him nervous.”
“Can I see this priest?” Michael asked.
“Well, it’s hardly the room you’re accustomed to. I’ve really looked at
her more as a charity than an actual lodger. In fact, my poor old mother
has gone on at me something cruel for being so good to her.”
“I think I should like to see this priest,” Michael persisted.
Mrs. Cleghorne was with difficulty persuaded to show him the way, and
she was evidently a little suspicious of the motive of his visit. They
descended into the gloom of the basement, and the landlady pointed out
to him the room that was down three steps and up another. She excused
herself from coming too. The priest, a monkey-faced Irishman, was
sitting on the pale blue chest, and as Michael entered, he did not look
up from his Office.
“Is that you, Sister?” he asked. Then he perceived Michael and waited
for him to explain his business.
“I wanted to ask about this poor woman.”
Mrs. Smith lay under a sheet with candles winking at her head. Nothing
was visible except her face still faintly rouged in the daylight.
“I was interested in her,” Michael exclaimed.
“Indeed!” said the priest dryly. “I wouldn’t have thought so.”
“Is her cat here?”
“There was some sort of an animal, but the woman of the house took it
off.”
A silence followed, and Michael was aware of the priest’s hostility.
“I suppose she didn’t see her son before she died?” Michael went on.
“Her son is with the Jesuits.”
“You seem to know a great deal about the poor soul?”
“I thought I had managed to help her,” said Michael, in a sad voice.
“Indeed?” commented the priest, even more dryly.
“And there is nothing I can do now?”
“Almighty God has taken her,” said the priest. “There is nothing you can
do.”
“I could have some Masses said for her.”
“Are you a Catholic?” the priest asked.
“No; but I fancy I shall be a Catholic,” Michael said; and as he spoke
it was like a rushing wind. He hurried out into the passage where a nun
passed him in the gloom. “She will be praying,” Michael thought, and,
looking back over his shoulder, he said:
“Pray for me, Sister.”
The nun was evidently startled by the voice, and went on quickly down
the three steps and up the other into Mrs. Smith’s den.
Michael climbed upstairs to interview the Solutionist. He found him
lying in bed.
“Why wasn’t that money paid regularly?” he asked severely.
“Who is it?” the Solutionist muttered, in fuddled accents. “Wanted the
money myself. Had a glorious time. The cat’s all right, and the poor old
rabbits are dead. Can’t give everybody a good time. Somebody’s got to
suffer in this world.”
Michael left him, and without entering his old rooms again went away
from Leppard Street.
The moment had come to visit Rome, and remembering how he had once
dissuaded Maurice from going there, he felt some compunction now in
telling him that he wanted to travel alone. However, it would be
impossible to visit Rome for the first time with Maurice. In the studio
he led up to his backing out of the engagement.
“About this going abroad,” he began.
“I say, Michael, I don’t think I can come just now. The editor of The
Point of View wants a series of articles on the ballet, and I’m going to
start on them at once.”
It was a relief to Michael, and he wished Maurice good luck.
“Yes, I think they’re going to be rather good,” he said confidently.
“I’m going to begin with the Opera: then the Empire and the Alhambra:
and in September there will be the new ballet at the Orient. Of course,
I’ve got a theory about English ballet.”
“Is there anything about which you haven’t got a theory?” Michael asked.
“Hullo, you’ve got the Venetian mirror from Ararat House. I’m so glad!”
“I’ve arranged all that,” Maurice said. “Lily Haden has gone to live
with a girl called Sylvia Scarlett. Rather a terror, I thought.”
“Yes, I had an idea you’d find her a bit difficult.”
“Oh, but I scored off her in the end,” said Maurice quickly.
“Congratulations,” said Michael. “Well, I’m going to Rome.”
“I say, rather hot.”
“So much the better.”
“I used to be rather keen on Rome, but I’ve a theory it’s generally a
disappointment. However, I suppose I shall have to go one day.”
“Yes, I don’t think Rome ought to miss your patronage, Maurice.”
They parted as intimate friends, but while Michael was going downstairs
from the studio he thought that it might very easily be for the last
time.
His mother was at home for tea; lots of women and a bishop were having a
committee about something. When they had all rustled away into the
mellow June evening, Michael asked what had been accomplished.
“It’s this terrible state of the London streets,” said Mrs. Fane.
“Something has got to be done about these miserable women. The Bishop of
Chelsea has promised to bring in some kind of a bill in Parliament. He
feels so strongly about it.”
“What does he feel?” Michael asked.
“Why, of course, that they shouldn’t be allowed.”
“The remedy lies with him,” Michael said. “He must take them the
Sacraments.”
“My dearest boy, what are you talking about? He does his best. He’s
always picking them up and driving them home in his brougham. He can’t
do more than that. Really he quite thrilled us with some of his
experiences.”
Michael laughed and took hold of her hand.
“What would you say if I told you that I was thinking very seriously of
being a priest?”
“Oh, my dear Michael, and you look so particularly nice in tweeds!”
Michael laughed and went upstairs to pack. He would leave London
to-morrow morning.
The train crashed southward from Paris through the night; and when dawn
was quivering upon the meadows near Chambéry Michael was sure with an
almost violent elation that he had left behind him the worst hardships
of thought. Waterfalls swayed from the mountains, and the gray torrents
they fed plunged along beside the train. Down through Italy they
traveled all day, past the cypresses, and the olive-trees wise and
graceful in the sunlight. It was already dusk when they reached the
Campagna, and through the ghostly light the ghostly flowers and grasses
shimmered for a while and faded out. It was hot traveling after sunset;
but when the lights of Rome broke in a sudden blaze and the train
reached the station it was cool upon the platform. Michael let a porter
carry his luggage to a hotel close at hand. Then he walked quickly down
the Esquiline Hill. He wandered on past the restaurants and the barber
shops, caring for nothing but the sensation of walking down a wide
street in Rome.
“There has been nothing like this,” he said, “since I walked down the
High. There will be nothing like this ever again.”
Suddenly in a deserted square he was looking over a parapet at groups of
ruined columns, and immediately afterward he was gazing up at one mighty
column jet black against the starshine. He saw that it was figured with
innumerable horses and warriors.
“We must seek for truth in the past,” he said.
How this great column affected him with the secrets of the past! It was
only by that made so much mightier than the bars of his cot in
Carlington Road, which had once seemed to hold passions, intrigues,
rumors, ambitions, and revenges. All that he had once dimly perceived as
shadowed forth by them was here set forth absolutely. What was this
column called? He looked round vaguely for an indication of the name.
What did the name matter? There would be time to find a name in the
morning. There would be time in the morning to begin again the conduct
of his life. The old world held the secret; and he would accept this
solitary and perdurable column as the symbol of that secret.
“All that I have done and experienced so far,” Michael thought, “would
not scratch this stone. I have been concerned for the happiness of other
people without gratitude for the privilege of service. I have been given
knowledge and I fancied I was given disillusion. If now I offer myself
to God very humbly, I give myself to the service of man. Man for man
standing in his own might is a blind and arrogant leader. The reason why
the modern world is so critical of the fruits of Christianity after
nineteen hundred years is because they have expected it from the
beginning to be a social panacea. God has only offered to the individual
the chance to perfect himself, but the individual is much more anxious
about his neighbor. How in a moment our little herds are destroyed,
whether in ships on the sea or in towns by earthquake, or by the great
illusions of political experiment! Soon will come a great war, and
everybody will discover it has come either because people are Christians
or because they are not Christians. Nobody will think it is because each
man wants to interfere with the conduct of his neighbor. That woman in
Leppard Street who died in the peace of God, how much more was she a
Christian than me, who, without perceiving the beam in my own eye, have
trotted round operating on the motes of other people. And once I had to
make an effort to kiss her in fellowship. Rome! Rome! How parochial you
make my youth!”
The last exclamation was uttered aloud.
“Meditating upon the decline and fall of the Roman Empire?” said a
voice.
A man in a black cloak was speaking.
“No; I was thinking of the pettiness of youthful tragedies,” said
Michael.
“There is only one tragedy for youth.”
“And that is?”
“Age,” said the stranger.
“And what is the tragedy of age?”
“There is no tragedy of age,” said the stranger.
THE END
MY DEAR JOHN,
There is, I am inclined to think, a very obstinate shamelessness in
prolonging this book with a letter to you. For that reason I append it
thus as an epilogue: so that whoever wishes to read it will only have
himself to blame, since he will already, as I hope, have finished the
book.
You will remember that last year “Youth’s Encounter,” the first part of
Michael Fane’s story, obtained a great advertisement through the action
of certain libraries. Whatever boom was thus effected will certainly be
drowned this year in the roar of cannon, and the doctrine of
compensation is in no danger of being disproved. I fancy, too, that the
realities of war will obtain me a pardon in “Sinister Street,” the
second volume, for anything that might formerly have offended the
sensitive or affronted the simple.
Much more important than libraries and outraged puritans is the question
of the form of the English novel. There has lately been noticeable in
the press a continuous suggestion that the modern novel is thinly
disguised autobiography; and since the lives of most men are peculiarly
formless this suggestion has been amplified into an attack upon the form
of the novel. In my own case many critics have persisted in regarding
“Youth’s Encounter” merely as an achievement of memory, and I have felt
sometimes that I ought to regard myself as a sort of literary Datas,
rather than as a mask veiling the nature of a novelist. You know from
many hours of talk that if I were to set down all I could remember of my
childhood, the book would not by this time have reached much beyond my
fifth year. Obviously in so far as I chose my own public school and my
own college at Oxford there has been autobiography, but I fancy it would
have been merely foolish to send Michael to Cambridge, a place of which
I know absolutely nothing. Yourself assures me that nowadays it is a
much better university than Oxford, and in thinking thus you are the
only Oxford man who has ever held such a heresy. Obviously, too, it was
unavoidable in writing about St. James’ that I should draw certain
characters from the life, and for doing this I have been attacked on
grounds of good taste. I do not recognize the right of schoolmasters to
be exempt from the privilege of public men to be sometimes caricatured.
Therefore, I offer no apology for doing so. With regard to the Oxford
dons I felt it really would be unfair to apply to them what is after all
much more likely to be a true impression of their virtues and follies
than those formed by a schoolboy of his masters. Therefore, in this
second volume, “Sinister Street,” there is not a single portrait of a
don. As a matter of fact, dons are to the undergraduate a much less
important factor than the schoolmaster is to the schoolboy, and the few
shadows of dons which appear in this volume are as vital as most dons in
the flesh seem to the normal undergraduate.
The theme of these two stories is the youth of a man who presumably will
be a priest. I shall be grateful if my readers will accept it as such
rather than as an idealized or debased presentation of my own existence
up to the age of twenty-three. Whether or not it was worth writing at
such length depends finally, I claim, upon the number of people who can
bear to read about it. A work of art is bounded by the capacity of the
spectator to apprehend it as a whole. This on your authority was said by
Aristotle. “Art,” says The Sydney Bulletin, a curious antipodean
paper, “is selection.” “It is time to protest,” says an American paper,
“against these long books.” At this rate, we shall soon be spending all
our time with books. “The enormous length must make it formless,” other
critics have decided. Ultimately I believe Aristotle’s remark to be the
truest guide, and I am tempted to hope that with the publication of the
second volume many irrelevancies have established their relevancy.
It is obvious that were I to continue the life of Michael Fane to the
end of his seventy-second year, his story would run into twenty volumes
as thick as this book. My intention, however, was not to write a life,
but the prologue of a life. He is growing up on the last page, and for
me his interest begins to fade. He may have before him a thousand new
adventures: he may become a Benedictine monk: he may become a society
preacher. I have given you as fully as I could the various influences
that went to mold him. Your imagination of him as a man will be
determined by your prejudice gathered from the narrative of these
influences. I do not identify myself with his opinions: at the same time
I may believe in all of them. He is to me an objective reality: he is
not myself in a looking-glass.
I would like to detain you for a moment with a defense of my occasional
use of archaic and obsolete words. This is not due to any
“preciousness,” but to efforts at finding the only word that will say
what I mean. To take two examples: “Reasty” signifies “covered with a
kind of rust and having a rancid taste,” and it seems to me exactly to
describe the London air at certain seasons, and also by several
suggestive assonances to convey a variety of subtler effects.
“Inquiline” sounds a pompous word for lodgers, but it has not yet been
sentimentalized like “pilgrim”; it is not an Americanism like
“transients,” and it does give to me the sense of a fleeting stay;
whereas lodgers sound dreadfully permanent since they have been given
votes.
We have in the English language the richest and noblest in the world,
and perhaps after this war we shall hear less of the advocates of pure
Saxon, an advocacy which personally I find rather like the attitude of
the plain man who wants to assert himself on his first introduction to a
duke.
There remains for me to apologize for the delay in the appearance of
this volume. You who know how many weeks I have spent ill in bed this
year will forgive me, and through you I make an apology to other readers
who by their expressions of interest in the date of the second volume
have encouraged me so greatly. Finally it strikes me that I have seemed
above to be grumbling at criticism. This is not so. I believe there is
nobody, certainly no young writer who is under such a debt of obligation
as I am to the encouragement and the sympathy of his anonymous critics.
Accept this dedicatory epilogue, my dear John, as the pledge of our
enduring friendship.
Yours ever,
COMPTON MACKENZIE.