SCENE.—Same as in Act I. Sleigh bells heard
in distance coming nearer, until they stop at
C.; Santa Claus enters
C., followed by Gussie
and preceded by Footman.
(Exit, Footman.
Gus. Your majesty has returned. You are even more prompt than usual.
No one would suspect that those venerable whiskers of yours had been
silvered by the frosts of many hundreds of winters.
Santa. No, Gus my boy, time has no power to dampen the ardor
of old Santa Claus, nor to make him the less able to perform his
self-appointed duties. But that reminds me Gus.; last night my daughter
made a strange request. You heard it did you not?
Gus. Yes, your majesty, I heard it, and thought it strange that you
should make the promise that you did.
Santa. And so it was, and would have been much worse than strange had
not a happy thought struck me with a force like unto a hod of falling bricks.
Gus. In other words, you had an idea.
Santa. Right you are; and as a reward for your years of faithful
service I propose to share it with you.
Gus. (aside) I wish his idea would take the form of an increase in
my salary. Ten dollars a month scarce suffices to keep me in raiment
befitting my noble birth and high position, doncherno.
Santa. What were you saying, Gus?
Gus. I was saying, your majesty, that I would indeed be proud to
share your first idea with you.
Santa. Well then, this is the scheme: I have brought back with me a
man as green as the green isle from which he came, a regular Paddy of
the old school. My daughter, having seen no men but you and me, will
conclude that he is one of the choicest specimens of his species, and
will thus be disenchanted.
Gus. The scheme looks well upon the face of it; I only hope that it
may conclude even as your majesty wishes.
Santa. You hope that it may work! Why sir, it must work! Think
of the position I would be in should my daughter ever marry! In six
short months or less, my son-in-law would have my throne and I would
lose my job; mayhaps, shorn of my kingly robes, be slinging hash to
earn my daily bread.
(shudders
Gus. Well now, that’s clevah, deucedly clevah, by Jove.
Santa. What is that? Clever, did you say?
Gus. I mean, your majesty, that it was very clevah of you to
extricate yourself from such a trying situation.
Santa. Oh! yes, that’s different; and now I will proceed to unfold my
plans to you.
Gus. Proceed by all means.
Santa. I have ordered the terrier to be brought into this room,
and have also requested that my daughter come here. We will conceal
ourselves and enjoy her astonishment at her first meeting with her man.
(O’Rourke’s voice heard off L.
O’Rourke. Can’t yez let go av me arrums, yez miserable dagos? Do yez
think Oi can’t walk alone at all, at all?
Santa. Ah! there he comes. Now then.
(they hide behind throne-chair
Enter, O’Rourke
L., with Footman
and Coachman holding to his arms.
O’Rourke. Come now, yeez hand-organ aristocrats, lave go me arrums.
(Footman and Coachman bow to him and exit,
C.) (O’Rourke shivering) Oh moy,
oh moy, Oi don’t know whether this is an oice-crame saloon or a refrigerator car, but
wan thing Oi do know, an’ that same is that this overcoat of moine is
too foine for me prisint station in loife. (sees bell-rope) Helloa,
phwat’s that? Oi think Oi’ll give her a pull and see if it won’t
turrun on the stame. (pulls rope, great noise heard off L.,
O’Rourke terrified) Oh Oi say now, phwat a commiseration
Oi’ve created, to be share.
Enter, Footman, C.
Oh, get out av this, get out av this! You little spalpeen; can’t yez
lave me alone at all, at all.
Foot. I have answered the bell sir, what is your wish?
O’Rourke. (aside) Oh, Oi see, he has come to take my order.
(aloud) Oi say, send me up a ton of coal and a match; do yez moind?
Foot. We have no coal, sir.
O’Rourke. Will yez listen to that now! Yez have no coal, is it? Thin
phwat do yez do for a foire, say now?
Foot. We use no fire, sir; we do not feel the cold.
O’Rourke. Yez don’t feel the could? Well thin, Oi do just that same.
Yez can take moi ordher for a suit of clothes if yez plaze, sor.
(exit, Footman, C.
Well, what a quare set of crathures these are to
be sure, and what a quare fix yez has got yerself into, McGinnins ould
bye. Lasht night I was promenading down the streets of me native city
whin suddintly biz—whiz—siz—and along came a sleigh pulled by six milch
cows with forked horruns and a little man insoide all covered over
with whiskirs. Thin out jumped thim little Frinch dagos, took hould of
moi arrums and chucked me into that sleigh so quick Oi couldn’t draw
moi breath; it’s down at the Bank yet. Oh, if Oi’d only had moi good
shillelah then; Oi’d have cracked them wance or twice so Oi would.
Thin, biz—whiz—siz—again, and here Oi am in a lodging house where they
don’t have no foire and don’t feel the could. Oh moi, oh moi, Oi’ll
have to keep circulatin’ around or Oi’ll be an oiceberg, so I will.
(dances around the room to keep warm
Enter, Kitty, C.,
unobserved by O’Rourke and watches him for a time.
Kitty. What are you doing there?
O’Rourke. (still dancing and not looking around) Kaping warrum to
be coorse. Did yez think Oi was saying moi prayers?
Kitty. Are you a man?
O’Rourke. Av coorse Oi’m a man. Phwat did yez take me for, a statty of Venus?
(strokes his chin whiskers
Kitty. Then you must be the man my papa was to bring me.
O’Rourke. Yis, Oi’m yer man. (stops dancing and looks at her)
Why, begorra it’s a girrul! How do you do, Miss Cleveland?
Kitty. My name is not Cleveland, sir: My name is Kitty Claus;
I am the daughter of Santa Claus.
O’Rourke. Was that him what tore me away from moi home and
kindred last noight?
Kitty. I suppose so.
O’Rourke. Then, Miss Claus, Oi shall have yer father prosecuted
for cruelty to animals. That’s phwat Oi will. (motions Kitty to
come nearer) Come here, now, come here, come here. (Kitty comes
to his side, O’Rourke in a stage whisper says) Do yez chew gum?
Kitty. No sir, my mamma says I mustn’t.
O’Rourke. Well now, that’s a good girrul. Here is a penny; go
to the blacksmith’s and get a bun. Say, do you play on the type-writer?
Kitty. Play on the type-writer?
O’Rourke. To be coorse.
(goes through motions of writing with his fingers
Kitty. What is that? I never saw a type-writer.
O’Rourke. Never saw a type-writer? Oh moi child, moi child, Oi fear
your musical eddication has been sadly neglected.
Kitty. I hope not, sir. I can sing quite well; at least so my papa
says. Shall I sing for you?
O’Rourke. Yis, sing to me.
Kitty. What shall I sing?
O’Rourke. Oh, Oi don’t, care; anything but “Marguerite.”
Kitty. Well then, how would you like to hear “The Song That Reached
My Heart?”
O’Rourke. Oh, don’t do that, don’t do that. Oi’ve got the toothache.
Kitty. You are hard to please, sir; but if you do not care to
hear the song that reached my heart, I will sing you one of my own
composition, written upon a theme which is nearest my heart, “The
Pleasure of Catching a Man.”
Kitty sings
THE PLEASURE OF CATCHING A MAN.
Music, “McSarley’s Most Elegant Twins.”
I’ve a question momentous I wish to propound
To matrons and maidens alike:
If you lived in a land where men are not found,
Don’t you think you would go on a strike?
What’s the use of fine features, of bright eyes and curls,
When no one is by to admire?
I’ve tried it, and know what I’m saying, dear girls,
Of that kind of life you’d soon tire.
Chorus. In childhood it’s dollies, it’s novels for girls,
But tell me my friends if you can,
Where’s the pleasure in life for a girl of eighteen
Like the pleasure of catching a man?
Each day like the former a burden time hangs
On your hands; life itself is a bore.
With not even ambition to curl your bangs,
And your mirrors with dust covered o’er,
You would turn with disgust from a tailor-made gown,
From diamonds, lace and all that,
And in extreme cases one might even frown
At a love or a duck of a hat.
You have heard of the blossom whose sweetest perfume
Was wasted upon desert air,
But the aimless existence of this pretty bloom
Does not for a moment compare
With the life of a maiden, the victim of Fate,
Compelled to live out life’s span
In a country that does not provide her a mate,
Too poor to furnish a man.
O’Rourke. That’s a foine song, to be sure; beautiful sentiment and
all that, but are you really in earnest about this matter?
Kitty. Indeed I am.
O’Rourke. Thin how would yez loike to become Mrs. O’Rourke?
Kitty. (running toward him) Oh! do you really mean—(turning
away) er—er—this is so sudden—you must give me time to think.
O’Rourke. “Think it over!” Yes, an’ whoile yez is thinkin’ it over
Oi’ll be sthandin’ here frazin’ to death. Yez’ll have to do yer
thinkin’ purty quick Miss Claus, or yez’ll be a widdy before yez is
married, so you will.
Kitty. Are you really cold, dear? Why of course you are; how stupid
of me to forget that you are not used to such a rigorous climate and
those clothes of yours are hardly the proper thing for this frigid
zone. I suppose you did not have time to change your clothes.
O’Rourke. To be coorse Oi didn’t have toime to get a shave even.
(strokes whiskers) Bad cess to that father of yours.
Kitty. Poor man, how you must suffer. Come with me. I will have the
court tailor take your measure for a suit of furs and the servants
shall see that you are provided with a fire.
O’Rourke. Kitty, yez is a good girrul; but Oi say, would yez moind
sinding up a ham and some hen-fruit.
Kitty. Hen-fruit?
O’Rourke. Yis, some eggs, you know.
Kitty. Oh! of course not. You shall have something to eat at once.
(Kitty goes to C.
O’Rourke. (aside) McGinnis ould bye, yer in luck this toime to be
sure. What a pity it is we can’t all be borrun with silver spoons in
our pockets. Jist look at me now! Oi’m goin’ to have a shquare meal, a
shute of clothes and perhaps a woife, and whin Oi get her Oi’m goin’
right back to ould Erin and—(stops to think) Ah! there’s the rub.
How am Oi goin’ to get back to Erin? (aloud) Well Kitty, Oi’m with
yez whoile the grub lashts.
(exeunt, C.
Santa Claus and
Gussie come from behind throne.
Gus. Well now, that’s clevah, deucedly clevah!
Santa. Oh Gussie! Gussie! Would you add insult to injury by mocking a
poor old man whose only daughter is about to break her father’s heart
by becoming the wife of a potato-masher?
Gus. Pardon me, your majesty, but the potato-masher seems to have
crushed us very successfully. He has quite a fetching way with the
ladies too. I couldn’t have managed that little romance better myself.
Santa. But what is to be done to avert this dreadful calamity?
Gus. Send the terrier away, of course.
Santa. Impossible! The man would die of cold and hunger. You seem
to forget, Gussie, that we are surrounded with ice and snow, piled
mountain-high. How many brave explorers from the land of mortals have
lost their lives in the attempt to penetrate the mysteries of the North Pole.
Gus. But can you not take the man away as you brought him here?
Santa. Have you also forgotten that one of the conditions of my
becoming immortal and the Christmas Saint was that I was not to leave
these icy fastnesses but once each year? I can not take this man away
until next year on Christmas Eve, in that time who knows what dreadful
things may happen?
(completely un-nerved
Gus. Your majesty, give me leave to think.
Santa. Yes, Gussie, think! think! I know not if dudes have a thinker,
but if you have thinks to think, prepare to think them now Gussie,
prepare to think them now. (Santa drops in chair at table
overcome by emotion, while Gussie walks up and down the room
in comical attitude of thinking.) Your thinker seems to be working
rather slowly, Gussie; time is very precious to me now.
(Gussie stops suddenly and claps his hands
Gus. I have it!
Santa. Good! What is it?
Gus. It is a plan to circumvent this Hibernian rogue, a very simple
plan, but clever, deucedly clever and reflects great credit upon it’s author.
Santa. Gussie, if your plan succeeds, I’ll raise your salary to
$12.00 a month.
Gus. I hear some one approaching. I will not have time to explain my
plan in detail, but you must promise to make no objection to any of my
actions while I am carrying the plan out, and I assure you all will be
right in the end.
Enter, O’Rourke, R. U. E.
Santa. (hesitating) I will do as you wish.
(exit, L.
O’Rourke advances forward
looking admiringly at himself in a new suit of clothes.
O’Rourke. Begorra, it’s a foine display Oi’m makin’ now. Oi’m a
worker from Cork so Oi am, and—(sees Gussie)
Oh! take it away, take it away!
Gus. This is Mr. O’Rourke, I believe. I must take the liberty of
introducing myself. I am Gussie de Smythe, Grand Illustrious Scribe and
Supreme Confidential Clerk to his Majesty, Santa Claus, Ruler of the
Kingdom of the North Pole.
O’Rourke. (aside) He looks like a grand illustrated squib from
“Puck.” (aloud) Oi say, could you say that again and say it real
slow? You ought to be more careful about makin’ payple acquainted wid
doubtful characters. Howsomever, Oi don’t moind a little thing loike
that in a could counthry loike this. Oi’m quite fond of curiosities
moiself, so Oi am.
Gus. Sir, this unseemly levity is far from being as clevah as you
suppose, in fact it is quite the contrary, doncherno; but to proceed to
business—you know the purpose for which you were brought here, do you not?
O’Rourke. Well thin, Oi don’t jist that same; Oi don’t know nawthin’
about it at all, at all an’ that’s phwat’s the matter with me, so it is.
Gus. Then I can enlighten you upon that point. You were brought here
to ascend the throne and become the successor of Santa Claus as ruler
of the Kingdom of the North Pole.
O’Rourke. You don’t say; an’ how much will Oi git fur that job now?
Gus. Oh! you will have this beautiful palace, innumerable servants
and countless wealth at your disposal.
O’Rourke. But how about the wurruk? Phwat’s moy hours?
Gus. You will have no work to do, nothing to do but sit on your
throne and make laws for the government of your Kingdom. A monarch
is never supposed to do anything for himself; there will be hosts of
servants at hand to do your bidding; and I, as your private secretary,
will ever be at your side ready to carry out your desires as soon, or
even before, they are expressed.
O’Rourke. All roight, Oi’ll go you wan for luck. Begorra this job is
ace and joker ahead of the perlice force.
Gus. I am glad that you are willing to assume the responsibilities
of the office sir. No time need be lost; we will proceed with the
coronation ceremonies at once.
(pulls bell-rope: noise as before
O’Rourke. The corneration ceremonies? An’ phwat might them same be now?
Gus. You shall soon see. I have summoned all of the royal household,
including Santa Claus himself; he will renounce his title and the throne,
and will publicly proclaim you king with the title of Santa Claus the II.
O’Rourke
struts up and down the stage arranging his collar and tie.
Santa Claus enters L. U. E.,
with Mrs. Claus and
Kitty on either arm; comes down
stage L., followed by the
Holidays; Fairies
enter R. U. E.; Footman
and Coachman
enter C., and stand on each side of the door.
O’Rourke. Ah! there’s Kitty. Swate girrul, that Kitty. Oi say, Kitty,
ain’t Oi a darlint in my new suit of clothes?
Kitty. You are indeed a charming creature, Mr. O’Rourke. Are you for sale?
O’Rourke. Oi don’t know. Oi’ll come hoigh if Oi am. Oi’m the only wan
av me that’s left.
Gussie takes position in front,
clears his throat and makes a few preliminary gestures as if preparing to make a speech.
Gus. Friends, Romans, Countrymen—
O’Rourke. Naw you don’t! Naw you don’t! You don’t borry anything from
me at all, at all.
Gus. (ignoring the interruption) I have summoned you here to
witness the coronation ceremonies of Mr. McGinnis O’Rourke, whom I now
proclaim King of the North Pole with the title of Santa Claus II.
Santa. (going over to Gussie
and speaking angrily) What are you saying, sir? This is treason!
Do you hear? Treason!
(Gussie goes through pantomime of explaining to
Santa
O’Rourke. Do yez hear that now? Oi’m going to be King, so Oi am; and
Kitty, you shall be moy bride and do me washin’. You’re a princess now
Oi belave, but Oi’m going to make yez a rale queen. Do yez hear, Kitty
moy darlint? A rale queen and you shall have a new piece of gum ivery
day, so you shall.
Mrs. C. What is that dreadful man saying? Come Kitty my child, you
must not stay here to be insulted in this way.
(tries to lead Kitty off
R.
Santa. (speaking aloud as he returns to his wife’s side) All right,
Gussie, my boy; but be careful, be very careful.
(pantomime of persuading his wife to remain
Gus. Well, Mr. O’Rourke, are you prepared to take the coronation oath?
O’Rourke. No sir! Oi niver shware. Oi’m not abducted to the use av
profanity in any forrum sir.
Gus. Well, I suppose the taking of the oath would be a
useless formality in your case; we will dispense with it. (to
Footman and Coachman)
Bring in the royal diadem to crown his gracious majesty and the royal sceptre,
the symbol of his power.
Footman and Coachman
exit C., and return with a large crown and
a feather duster.
Gus. Your majesty, in investing you with these symbols of royalty
I feel that I am conferring an unique distinction upon this people by
giving them for a ruler a man the like of whom has never before escaped captivity.
Omnes. Hear! Hear!
Footman places crown on
O’Rourke’s head, he having been led to the
throne and seated thereon by Gussie, who
takes feather duster from Coachman and
brushes it across O’Rourke’s face.
O’Rourke sneezes and fumbles in his pocket for
a handkerchief. Gussie takes it from
him and wipes his nose for him. Footman
and Coachman retire to
C.
O’Rourke. Begorra, Oi’ve a notion to swipe yez for that, so Oi have.
Gus. Pardon me, your majesty, but it is one of the privileges of my
exalted office to perform all little services of that kind for our
king. As I told you, a monarch is never permitted to do anything for
himself. There yet remains the Coronation song.
CORONATION SONG.
To the tune of “This House is Haunted.”
Gus. I now proclaim you our king, our monarch,
And we your vassals true will be;
Be gracious to us, do not refuse us,
Thou brightest gem of royalty.
Mrs. C. O! never fear, Gus., he’ll not refuse us,
How could you look for that from such as he?
Gus. and Mrs. C. He’s much too greedy and likewise seedy
From such a snap as this to flee.
Chorus. We now proclaim you our king, our monarch
And we your vassals true will be,
Be gracious to us, do not refuse us,
Thou brightest gem of royalty.
Kitty. We have a man now lately imported
From over the sea, the Emerald Isle;
We must not lose him, I will amuse him,
Each idle moment I’ll be beguile.
Santa. Oh never fear, dear, he will remain here,
He will not haste to leave us yet a while.
Kitty and Santa. But if he would go, he could not do so,
Becoming an iceberg is not quite his style.
(O’Rourke falls asleep during the song
Santa. Well I declare, the fellow has actually fallen asleep!
(exit, Fairies, R. U. E.
O’Rourke. (starting suddenly) No Oi’m not asleep naythur.
Who said Oi was asleep, eh? (yawns; starts to raise his hand to his
mouth; Gussie places his own hand over
O’Rourke’s mouth) By the powers now, Oi’ve
a notion to knock a quart of stars out av yez eyes for that.
(sparring
Gus. Your majesty, it is one of the privileges of my office to cover
the King’s mouth when he yawns.
O’Rourke. It is, is it? Well don’t yez do that same any more while Oi
am King or Oi’ll have yez hanged by the neck until yez are asphixiated, see?
Kitty. Poor man! It is very tiresome work, being a King.
O’Rourke. It is just that Miss Kitty; let me advise yez not to try
it. But it will be different when Oi have you for my queen.
Santa. That can never be!
O’Rourke. Phwat is that? Git out sir, git out! Oi’ll have you
banished to wance.
(Gussie goes through pantomime imploring
Santa to be silent
Gus. Would your majesty be pleased to review the Amazons, the
defenders of our realm?
O’Rourke. Oi don’t know what an Amazon is, but Oi’ll be glad to
interview anything for a change.
Enter, Fairies and Holidays,
and execute a fancy march.
During progress of march
O’Rourke attempts to applaud and
take part in, in all of which attempts he is prevented by
Gussie, who explains in pantomime that it does
not become a monarch to do anything of these things. At close of
march, Amazons take positions on
R. and L. of stage.
O’Rourke. Well now girruls, that’s foine. Oi think Oi’ll
have yez on guard duty around the throne all the time. Oi’m afraid somebody’ll stale me,
so Oi am. (to Gussie, who is talking to
Kitty) Here sir, come away from that! Get me something to
eat. Oi hanker for poy.
Gus. Your majesty shall have pie in one minute.
(talks to Kitty
O’Rourke. (astounded) In wan minute! Ye haythen. Oi am the King
and when Oi want poy Oi want poy, and begorra Oi’m going to have it too.
O’Rourke starts
toward C., Gussie takes him by
the arm and leads him back to throne, and makes sign to
Footman who exits, C.
Gus. Your majesty shall have pie; but this unseemly haste ill
befits a monarch.
Enter, Footman, C., with pie on plate.
O’Rourke. Ah! that’s a sight to gladden moy eyes, so it is. Bring the
noble birrud here.
O’Rourke starts to leave throne;
Footman kneels and presents pie;
Gussie takes it from him and eats it to
the consternation of O’Rourke.
Gus. (with mouth full of pie) Your majesty, it is one of the
privileges of my exalted office to eat the King’s pie for him, doncherno?
(O’Rourke grows very angry; leaves the throne and comes down stage
O’Rourke. This is the last ton av coal that broke the camel’s back!
Oi have let yez blow moy nose for me, scratch moy head for me and lead
me around loike a poodle on the end of a shtring, but Oi will let no
cigarette sign av yure soize eat moy poy for me sir! No sir! Not for
Venice! Yez can take yer ould kingdom; it’s nawthin but an Oice-house
anyway. Oi shall go back to Cork, get on the perlice force and eat a
poy-factory ivery day if Oi want to. That’s phwat Oi’ll do.
Santa. (aside to Gussie) Gussie you’re
a jewel of the first water. I congratulate you upon the success of your scheme.
O’Rourke. Kitty, will yez fly wid me?
Kitty. Unfortunately sir, I cannot fly, though I wish I could, for
that seems to be the only way by which we can escape this icy prison.
Santa. (to Gussie) Sir, I denounce
you! Your scheme is a failure. My daughter’s mind remains unchanged. She is ready,
even now, to fly to the end of the earth with this Hibernian babboon!
Gus. Your majesty I have done my best; what more could I do. It was a
noble plan and worthy the great brain from which it sprang, but success
and failures are not far distant and I have fallen just outside the foul-line.
O’Rourke. Yez is a quare birrud, Mr. Gus.
Santa. Yez, you have failed. And failed in such a way that the
dread calamity which you have endeavored to avert is now nearer than
before. What shall I do? What shall I do? Ah, that is the question;
whether it were better to wed my daughter to this billy-goat and set at
rest, at once, this most vexatious question, or look me further for a
son-in-law. Ah! ha! I have a scheme! I’ll ask this man some questions
in the presence of my vassals here. An examination I’ll conduct more
strict than ever Civil Service knew. (to O’Rourke) Here sir,
I would a word with you.
O’Rourke. All roight sor, apake out. Don’t be timid in the presence
av royalty.
Santa. As the father of the girl, whose hand you seek in marriage, I
claim the privilege of inquiring concerning your antecedents.
O’Rourke. Av coorse, av coorse.
Santa. Who was your great-grandfather?
O’Rourke. A man sor, and an Oirishman at that. He could foight sor
loike a dog and drink the craythure loike a fish dhrinking wather. And
such a jolly man he was too at a wake. Oi often wonder that the corpse
itself didn’t come to loife to take a hand in the fistivities.
Santa. Your future prespect, sir, what are they? I mean—what shekels
are at your command.
O’Rourke. A dollar and twenty kopecks is all Oi have at prisint, sor,
but Oi have a political pull that can be cashed at a moment’s notice.
Santa. Your health is good of course; your digestion unimpaired?
O’Rourke. And was yez spaking of moy digestion now? Begorra, jist
connect me wid a shquare meal and Oi’ll show yez phwat Oi can do in
that same line, so Oi will.
Santa. Such a foolish act as that would only serve to bankrupt our
kingdom. But one more question I would ask; dost ever gamble, drink or smoke?
O’Rourke. Naythur av the former sor, but on accasions whin Oi would
be quite shwell Oi shmoke a cigarette or two.
Santa. Ah, fiend! Away with him!
Omnes. Shameful, shameful! A crime deserving death!
(Amazons form a circle around O’Rourke
Mrs. C. (to Kitty) My daughter,
see what a fate thy rash infatuation would have consigned thee to.
Kitty. I’ll save him yet and reform him. That is the mission
of a pretty girl; to make at least one man better.
While Kitty is speaking Tableau
curtain at back opens and Erin, the
Goddess of Ireland, appears. She steps
majestically to C. of stage.
Erin. O’Rourke, thou’rt found at last,
I’ve searched for thee both far and wide
For many hours past.
Why from thine own native land
To this place didst thou roam?
Come sir, come hence with me,
I fain would see thee home.
O’Rourke. Yes, Oi want to go home, Oi want to go home; take me
home—(stops suddenly) But what about Kitty?
Erin. Kitty? What hast thou to do with the child?
O’Rourke. She is going to be moy woife, ain’t you Kitty,
me darlint? Oi was going to make her moy queen, but Oi couldn’t even make
a queen of moyself now.
Erin. Think of the maids of thy native isle,
That emerald gem of the sea;
Return at once and there we’ll find
A fairer bride for thee.
With eyes so bright and skin so fair,
And voices like the linnet,
Those Irish girls they beat the world
And Kitty isn’t in it.
Gus. Well now, that’s clevah, deucedly clevah, doncherno I believe I
will emigrate myself.
O’Rourke. Yes, Oi know about them Oirish girruls; they are foine to
be coorse, but they are not moine and Kitty is, and that makes all the
difference in the wirruld.
Erin. O’Rourke, will you go?
O’Rourke. Kitty, will you go?
(Kitty nods her head in assent
O’Rourke. Oi’ll pack me Saratogy and be wid ye in wan minute.
(exit, L. U. E.,
followed by Erin
Mrs. C. Kitty, you must not go. Think of your parents left
languishing over your loss, living alone and childless in this land of
eternal snow.
Santa. And if you must marry, why not marry Gussie? He is certainly a
far handsomer and more suitable husband than this Irishman.
Gus. Oh! I say now, that’s clevah, deucedly clevah. I am agreeable
and leave the matter entirely with Miss Kitty, doncherno.
Kitty. Bah! A dude lacks five points of being equal to no husband.
I’ll marry a man or never wed. (sadly) Shall I go or stay? I can
divide my love, but not myself, and—
TABLEAU.—Scene
opens at back, showing O’Rourke
dressed as in first act, with grip and cane in hand.
Erin tries to lead him away. He stretches one
hand imploringly toward Kitty, who moves
slowly toward him and extends both her hands, one of which
O’Rourke takes. Mrs.
Claus rushes forward and seizes the other and tries to lead
her back. Santa Claus makes a gesture
commanding O’Rourke to begone.
CURTAIN.
THE END.
THEATRICAL
AND
Fancy Costume Wigs.
Attention is called to this List of
WIGS, BEARDS, MUSTACHES, WHISKERS, &c.
We employ a Wig-maker especially to manufacture goods for
our trade, and can guarantee satisfaction. All
goods made under our personal supervision.
In ordering be careful to state every particular,
i. e., size, color, etc.
Any wig for special character or occasion can be
made to order.
| White Old Man |
$ 4 50 |
| Iron Gray |
4 50 |
| Yankee |
4 50 |
| Irish |
4 50 |
| Crop, (all colors) |
5 50 |
| Fright |
4 00 |
| Negro |
1 00 |
| " (white old man) |
1 50 |
| " (gray old man) |
1 50 |
| " (with top knot) |
1 50 |
| " (wench) |
5 00 |
| Sir Peter Teazle |
5 00 |
| Shylock |
4 50 |
| Court Wig with Bag |
4 50 |
| Court wig with Tie |
4 50 |
| Paul Pry |
4 50 |
| Dundreary |
5 50 |
| Light Dress Wig, with parting |
5 50 |
| Rough Irishman |
4 00 |
| Flaxen Country Boy |
3 50 |
| Physician or Lawyer—white |
5 00 |
| Dress Wig with Eyebr’ws & Whisk’rs |
5 50 |
| Dress, without parting. |
4 00 |
| Duplex; can be worn either as male |
|
| or female Wig; very convenient; |
|
| in reality, 2 Wigs in one |
6 00 |
| Flow Wigs, long hair, suitable for |
|
| most Shakesperian characters, |
|
| Fairy Plays, &c. |
5 50 |
| Dress Scalp, with parting |
5 00 |
| Scalps |
2 75 |
| Gentlemanly Irish, with parting |
5 00 |
| Bald Wigs, grey or white, |
4 50 |
| Rip Van Winkle |
4 50 |
| Grey Dress Wig, with parting, |
4 50 |
| White " " " " |
4 50 |
| Clowns, in colors, |
4 50 |
| Plantaloon, Wig and Beard, |
5 00 |
| Robinson Crusœ |
4 50 |
| Monk |
4 00 |
| Box and Cox, 2 Wigs; each Wig |
3 50 |
| Chinaman, with Pigtail, |
5 00 |
| Dress Wig, superior, |
5 00 |
| Red and Brown bald Wigs |
4 50 |
| LADIES |
| Court Wig |
6 50 |
| Grand Dutchess |
6 50 |
| Lady Teazle |
7 00 |
| Marie Antonette |
7 50 |
| Mother-in-Law |
5 50 |
| Female, plain long hair, so that lady |
|
| can do up as she wishes, a really |
|
| fine wig |
10 00 |
| Nigger Crape Masks, a substitute |
|
| for blacking the face |
2 00 |
| Ladies’ Wig, blonds, light and dark, |
|
| brown and black, made up in |
|
| present fashion |
6 00 |
| Comic Old Woman’s Front Piece |
$2 50 |
BEARDS, WHISKERS, MUSTACHES, &c.
| Side Whiskers & Mustache on wire |
$ 1 25 |
| Side Whiskers and Mustache on wire, superior |
1 50 |
| Side Whiskers, no Mustache, wire |
1 00 |
| Side Whiskers and Mustache, gauze |
2 00 |
| Side Whiskers and Mustache, on gauze, superior, |
2 25 |
| Side Whiskers, without Mustache, on gauze, |
1 50 |
| Side Whiskers, without Mustache on gauze, superior, |
1 75 |
| Full Beard |
1 75 |
| Full Beard, superior, |
2 00 |
| Full Beard without Mustache |
1 50 |
| Full Beard, no Mustache superior |
1 75 |
| Mustache and Chin Beard, combined |
2 00 |
| Imperials |
30 |
| Full Chin Beard |
1 25 |
| Mustaches on wire |
35 |
| " " gauze |
40 |
| CRAPE HAIR—For Making |
| False Whiskers, Mustaches, &c. |
| Colors: Black, White, Light Brown, |
|
| Dark Brown, Iron-grey and Red. |
|
| Price, per yard |
25 |
| Address, |
|
| THE AMES PUBLISHING CO., |
| LOCK BOX 152 CLYDE, OHIO. |
ARTICLES NEEDED BY AMATEURS.
MAKE YOUR OWN WIGS, BEARDS, MUSTACHES, Etc.
PREPARED WOOL IN ALL COLORS. Per oz., 50c.
TABLEAUX LIGHTS. Our Tableaux Lights are
very easily used and are of the best manufacture. Plainest directions
accompany each. We have the following colors: Red, Green, Blue, and
White. Price each, 25 cents.
COLORED FIRE IN BULK. Put up in one-half
pound packages. Price per pound, $1.75; per half pound, $1.00.
MAGNESIUM TABLEAUX LIGHTS. A metal capable
of being ignited by a common match, and burning with great brilliancy.
This is the best light for moonlight and statuary. Price per package,
30 cents: per dozen, $2.50.
LIGHTNING FOR PRIVATE THEATRICALS. We will
send a FLASH BOX and material for this purpose, with full printed
directions for their use, to any address, for 50 cents. The effect
produced by it will be found all that can be desired.
BLUE. For unshaven faces. This is very
necessary in low comedy characters. Price per box, 25 cents.
PREPARED BURNT CORK. For Negro minstrels.
This article we can recommend, as it can be taken off as easily as put
on; in which it differs from most all others manufactured. Enough for
25 performances in each box. Price per box, 40 cents.
COCOA BUTTER. This article is necessary to
every lady or gentleman whether on the stage or in private life, as it
smoothes the skin and keeps it from chapping. It is a very handy means
of removing the make-up, as a piece of Cocoa Butter passed over the
face will loosen all adhesive matter so thoroughly as to admit of being
wiped off the face at once and completely. Should be used before making
up. Price, 25 cents.
CARMINE. For the face, and to heighten the
effect of Burnt Cork in Negro characters. Price per box, 30 cents.
PREPARED DUTCH PINK. For pale, sallow, and
wan complexions. Price per box, 25 cents.
CHROME. For sallow complexions, also for
lightening the eyebrows, mustaches, etc. Price per box, 25 cents.
EMAIL NOIR. To stop out teeth for old men
characters, witches, etc. Price, 40 cents.
PREPARED FULLER’S EARTH. To powder the face
before “making up.” Price, 30 cents.
JOINING PASTE. For joining bald fronts of
wigs to forehead. Price per stick, 15 cents.
MASCARO, or WATER COSMETIQUE. For darkening
the eyebrows and mustaches, without greasing them, and making them
prominent. Brown or black, 60 cents.
MONGOLIAN. For Indians, Mulattoes, etc.
Price per box, 30 cents.
PASTE POWDER. To enlarge the shape of the
nose for low comedy characters, etc. Price per box, 30 cents.
PREPARED NOSE PUTTY. Used for the same
purpose as Paste Powder and used in the same way. Price, 25 cents.
RUDDY ROUGE. For sunburnt faces. Most
essential for low comedy, country or seaman’s character. Price per box,
30 cents.
SPIRIT GUM. The best in use, prepared
expressly for securing mustaches, etc. Price, 25 cents.
SKIN MUSTACHE MASKS. For hiding the
mustache in powder costume pieces, negress characters, etc. Price, 15
cents.
POWDERED ANTIMONY. For shading the hollows
of the eyes. Price per box, 30 cents.
PREPARED WHITING. For Pantomimes, Clown’s
Faces, Statuary, etc. Price per box, 25 cents.
CREAM STICK PAINTS.
| No. 1 |
— Very Light Flesh Color. |
| " 2 |
—Deeper Tint Flesh Color. |
| " 3 |
—Natural Flesh, } |
| " 4 |
—Rose Tint, } For Juvenile |
| " 5 |
—Deeper Shade, } Heroes. |
| " 6 |
—Healthy Sunburnt. |
| " 7 |
—Healthy Sunburnt, deeper shade. |
| " 8 |
—Sallow, for young men. |
| " 9 |
—Healthy Color, for middle age. |
| " 10 |
—Sallow, for old age. |
| " 11 |
—Ruddy. |
| " 12 |
—Olive, healthy. |
| " 13 |
—Olive, lighter shade. |
| " 14 |
—Gipsy Flesh Color. |
| " 15 |
—Othello. |
| " 16 |
—Chinese. |
| " 17 |
—Indian. |
| " 18 |
—East Indian. |
| " 19 |
—Jap. |
Done up in sticks 4 inches in length at 25 cents each; 8-inch sticks,
50 cents. Lining Colors, 4 inches long, at 10 cents each, except
Carmine which is 15 cents.
A box of Cream Sticks, containing the following colors: Two shades of
Flesh, one Black, one Brown, one Lake, one Crimson, one White, one
Carmine, and a color for Shading Wrinkles, $1.00.
FOUND AT LAST!
A Pocket Speller,
Dictionary, and
Memorandum
Book Combined.
A Concise Description of
Thompson’s Pocket Speller.
It gives the right orthography of all words, (over 22,800) in common
use, and in nearly every instance their definition. It also gives the
right orthography of the given names of men and women, rules for the
use of capitals and punctuation marks, abbreviations of names of states
and territories, letters of introduction and recommendation, definition
of commercial terms, forms of notes, due bills, receipts, letters of
credit, orders for money, merchandise and goods stored, principal
holidays, marriage anniversaries, combination of shades, and carefully
selected laws of etiquette in social and business life, also a silicate
slate for memorandums.
The Speller is bound in leather and indexed, and is of convenient
size to be carried in vest pocket.
Reasons why this Speller and Dictionary is the most
desirable book of its kind, and some of the many
advantages it has over all others.
1. It gives the most complete list of words in common use.
2. It is a Speller, Dictionary, handy companion and memorandum book
combined.
3. It is the only book of the kind that can be conveniently carried in
the vest pocket, being the regular size of memorandum books made for
that purpose.
4. It is the only book of its kind that is indexed.
5. It is the only book of its kind that prints all words pronounced
alike but spelled differently, so they can be distinguished at a glance.
6. It is the only book of its kind that gives the right orthography of
the given names of men and women.
7. It is the only book of its kind that show where the letter E at
the end of a word is to be dropped when adding ed or ing.
8. It is the only book of its kind that gives a complete list of the
most practical business forms.
9. It is the only book of its kind that gives the laws of etiquette
in social and business life; these rules alone are worth the price of
Speller.
10. This Speller is bound in two qualities of leather and its price
brings it within the reach of all, being 50 cents, bound with American
Russia leather, Gilt edge and indexed. Bound with imitation Seal, red
edge and not indexed, 25 cents. On receipt of Post Office Order, (for
quality desired) the Speller will be prepaid to any address.
Ames’ Publishing Co.,
Lock Box 152, CLYDE, OHIO.
Roorbach’s
LIST OF NEW PLAYS.
| |
Male |
Female |
| Broken Promises |
6 |
3 |
|
| Engaged |
5 |
5 |
|
| Sign of Affection |
2 |
2 |
|
| Single Life |
5 |
5 |
|
| Wanderer’s Return |
6 |
4 |
|
| By Force of Impulse |
9 |
3 |
|
| Woven Web |
7 |
3 |
|
| Darkey Wood Dealer |
2 |
1 |
|
| April Fools |
3 |
0 |
|
| Old Cronies |
2 |
0 |
|
| Popping the Question |
2 |
4 |
|
| Our Boys |
6 |
4 |
|
| Between Two Fires |
8 |
3 |
|
| Saved from the Wreck |
8 |
3 |
|
| Wanted, a Confidential Clerk |
6 |
0 |
|
| Second Sight |
4 |
1 |
|
| Under a Cloud |
3 |
2 |
|
| Imogene, or the Witch’s Secret |
8 |
4 |
|
| Strife |
9 |
4 |
|
| Tried and True |
8 |
3 |
|
| Crawford’s Claim |
9 |
3 |
|
| Old Plantation Night |
4 |
4 |
25c. |
| Illustrated Tableaux |
25 cents. |
| Theatrical and Tableaux Vivants for Amateurs |
25 cents. |
| What Shall We Act |
25 cents. |
| A Practical Guide to Private Theatricals |
25 cents. |
| Townsend’s Amateur Theatricals |
25 cents. |
| Helmer’s Make-Up Book, a practical and systematic |
|
| treatise on the art of making-up for the stage, with |
|
| special treatment on the use of Wigs, Beards, etc. |
|
| the make-up and its requisite material, cuts of the |
|
| different features and their management, special |
|
| character masks, etc. With special hints to ladies |
25 cents. |
Ames Publishing Co.,
Lock Box 152. CLYDE, OHIO.
Every Amateur wants a copy, and should order at once.
Hints to Amateurs,
BY A. D. AMES.
A book of useful information for Amateurs and others, written expressly
for those who are giving public entertainments—and who
wish to make their efforts successful—containing
much information never before given. Mr. Ames
has had many years experience, and in
this work gives many hints which
cannot fail to be of great
benefit to all.
Do you wish to know How to act?
Do you wish to know How to make up?
Do you wish to know How to make fuses?
Do you wish to know How to be prompted?
Do you wish to know How to imitate clouds?
Do you wish to know How to imitate waves?
Do you wish to know How to make thunder?
Do you wish to know How to produce snow?
Do you wish to know How to articulate?
Do you wish to know How to make lightning?
Do you wish to know How to produce a crash?
Do you wish to know How to make a wind-storm?
Do you wish to know How to be successful on the stage?
Do you wish to know The effects of the drama on the mind?
Do you wish to know How to assign parts successfully?
Do you wish to know The duties of the property man?
Do you wish to know How to arrange music for plays?
Do you wish to know Many hints about the stage?
Do you wish to know How to form a dramatic club?
Do you wish to know The duty of the prompter?
Do you wish to know How to conduct rehearsals?
Do you wish to know The best method for studying?
Do you wish to know How to make a stage laugh?
Do you wish to know How to burn a colored fire?
Do you wish to know How to make a rain storm?
Do you wish to know A short history of the drama?
Do you wish to know All about scene painting?
Do you wish to know Macready’s method for acting?
If you wish to know the above, read Hints to Amateurs, it will be sent
you for 15 cents per copy.
THE
New York Book Ag’t;
OR,
THE MISER’S GOLD.
A Drama in Four Acts by D. H. Moore, Jr. Time 1 hour
7 male, 3 female characters. Costumes
modern. Scenery simple.
A good villain, two old men, country boy, Dan,
the halfwit, two fine Irish parts for Biddy and Pat, leading lady and
old woman, detective in search of a criminal, who at last is captured
after robbing and killing the Miser, who is his own father.
Price 15 Cents.
LOCKED
In a Dress-maker’s Room;
OR,
Mr. Bob Holiday’s Flirtation.
A Farce in One Act, by Willard Guepner.
3 male, 2 female characters.
Time 20 minutes.
Very good afterpiece in which the characters are all good. Mr. Holiday,
a banker, is in love with Mrs. Stone; Miss Prim, the dress-maker, in
whose rooms the flirtation is carried on; Mr. Stone becomes jealous
and goes in search of his wife; Mr. Holiday cannot escape and is
transformed into an ancient maiden—Tableau.
Price 15 Cents.
THE THREE HATS.
A Comedy
IN THREE ACTS, BY
ALFRED HENNEQUIN,
Translated and adapted from the French
BY
NEWTON CHISNELL.
This Comedy is written for 4 male and 3 female characters.
SYNOPSIS.
M. Adolphe Trimadart, who on a visit to London
saves the life of M. Dupraillon at a fire, for which Dupraillon is very
grateful and takes Adolphe to his home in Paris—Adolphe falls in love
with a young lady at a glove store unknown to Dupraillon—During Mrs.
Dupraillon’s absence from the city Dupraillon accidently meets a lady—a
supper at Clerbois’—an accident as he leaves the house causes him to
stumble against some gentlemen whose hats are knocked off; during the
scuffle the cry of “police” is heard, and he picks up, as he supposes,
his own hat, but on arriving at home he discovers he has a hat with M.
Durand’s card, while his hat has his own card in—His wife returns and
he is afraid she will discover his adventure and supper at Clerbois’
with the lady. The three hats cause a great deal of trouble as well
as amusement, as the owners, as well as others, get mixed up in the
misunderstanding caused by the exchanging of hats.
Price 15 Cents.
Hallabahoola, Medicine Man.
An Original Farce in one scene, by Bert
Richards, author of “The Colored Senators,” “Fooling with the Wrong
Man,” “Cupid’s Capers,” “The Spellin’ Skew,” etc. for 4 male and
3 female characters. The situations in this piece are extremely
ludicrous; Costumes to suit characters; Time of performance 40
minutes.
Price 15 Cents.
The Irish Squire, of Squash Ridge.
A Farce in two scenes, by J. E. Crary, author
of “The Old Wayside Inn,” “Alma, or United at Last,” etc., for 4 male
and 2 female characters. This farce is very funny and will be sure to
please. Costumes modern and the time of performance is 40 minutes.
Price 15 Cents.
Ames’ Plays—Continued.
| NO. |
Comedies Continued. |
M. F. |
| 237 |
Not Such a Fool as He Looks |
6 3 |
| 126 |
Our Daughters |
8 6 |
| 265 |
Pug and the Baby |
5 3 |
| 114 |
Passions |
8 4 |
| 264 |
Prof. James’ Experience |
|
| |
Teaching Country School |
4 3 |
| 219 |
Rags and Bottles |
4 1 |
| 239 |
Scale with Sharps and Flats |
3 2 |
| 221 |
Solon Shingle |
14 2 |
| 262 |
Two Bad Boys |
7 3 |
| 87 |
The Biter Bit |
3 2 |
| 131 |
The Cigarette |
4 2 |
| 240 |
$2,000 Reward |
2 0 |
| TRAGEDIES. |
| 16 |
The Serf |
6 3 |
| FARCES & COMEDIETTAS. |
| 129 |
Aar-u-ag-oos |
2 1 |
| 132 |
Actor and Servant |
1 1 |
| 289 |
A Colonel’s Mishap |
5 0 |
| 12 |
A Capital Match |
3 2 |
| 303 |
A Kiss in the Dark |
2 3 |
| 166 |
A Texan Mother-in Law |
4 6 |
| 30 |
A Day Well Spent |
7 5 |
| 169 |
A Regular Fix |
2 4 |
| 286 |
A Professional Gardener |
4 2 |
| 80 |
Alarmingly Suspicious |
4 3 |
| 78 |
An Awful Criminal |
3 3 |
| 31 |
A Pet of the Public |
4 2 |
| 21 |
A Romantic Attachment |
3 3 |
| 123 |
A Thrilling Item |
3 1 |
| 20 |
A Ticket of Leave |
3 2 |
| 175 |
Betsey Baker |
2 2 |
| 8 |
Better Half |
5 2 |
| 86 |
Black vs. White |
4 2 |
| 22 |
Captain Smith |
3 3 |
| 84 |
Cheek Will Win |
3 0 |
| 287 |
Cousin-Josiah |
1 1 |
| 225 |
Cupids Capers |
4 4 |
| 249 |
Double Election |
9 1 |
| 49 |
Der Two Surprises |
1 1 |
| 72 |
Deuce is in Him |
5 1 |
| 19 |
Did I Dream it |
4 3 |
| 42 |
Domestic Felicity |
1 1 |
| 188 |
Dutch Prize Fighter |
3 0 |
| 220 |
Dutchy vs. Nigger |
3 0 |
| 148 |
Eh? What Did You Say |
3 1 |
| 218 |
Everybody Astonished |
4 0 |
| 224 |
Fooling with the Wrong Man |
2 1 |
| 233 |
Freezing a Mother-in-Law |
2 1 |
| 154 |
Fun in a Post Office |
4 2 |
| 184 |
Family Discipline |
0 1 |
| 274 |
Family Jars |
5 2 |
| 209 |
Goose with the Golden Eggs |
5 3 |
| 13 |
Give Me My Wife |
3 3 |
| 307 |
Hallabahoola, the Medicine Man |
4 3 |
| 66 |
Hans, the Dutch J. P. |
3 1 |
| 271 |
Hans Brummel’s Cafe |
5 0 |
| 116 |
Hash |
4 2 |
| 120 |
H. M. S. Plum |
1 1 |
| 50 |
How She has Own Way |
1 3 |
| 140 |
How He Popped the Quest’n. |
1 1 |
| 74 |
How to Tame M-in-Law |
4 2 |
| 35 |
How Stout Your Getting |
5 2 |
| 247 |
Incompatibility of Temper |
1 2 |
| 95 |
In the Wrong Clothes |
5 3 |
| 305 |
Jacob Shlaff’s Mistake |
3 2 |
| 299 |
Jimmie Jones |
3 2 |
| 11 |
John Smith |
5 3 |
| 99 |
Jumbo Jum |
4 3 |
| 82 |
Killing Time |
1 1 |
| 182 |
Kittie’s Wedding Cake |
1 3 |
| 127 |
Lick Skillet Wedding |
2 2 |
| 228 |
Lauderbach’s Little Surprise |
3 0 |
| 302 |
Locked in a Dress-maker’s Room |
3 2 |
| 106 |
Lodgings for Two |
3 0 |
| 288 |
Love in all Corners |
5 3 |
| 139 |
Matrimonial Bliss |
1 1 |
| 231 |
Match for a Mother-in-Law |
2 2 |
| 235 |
More Blunders than one |
4 3 |
| 69 |
Mother’s Fool |
6 1 |
| 23 |
My Heart’s in Highlands |
4 3 |
| 208 |
My Precious Betsey |
4 4 |
| 212 |
My Turn Next |
4 3 |
| 32 |
My Wife’s Relations |
4 4 |
| 186 |
My Day and Now-a-Days |
0 1 |
| 273 |
My Neighbor’s Wife |
3 3 |
| 296 |
Nanka’s Leap Year Venture |
5 2 |
| 259 |
Nobody’s Moke |
5 2 |
| 44 |
Obedience |
1 2 |
| 33 |
On the Sly |
3 2 |
| 57 |
Paddy Miles’ Boy |
5 2 |
| 217 |
Patent Washing Machine |
4 1 |
| 165 |
Persecuted Dutchman |
6 3 |
| 195 |
Poor Pilicody |
2 3 |
| 159 |
Quiet Family |
4 4 |
| 171 |
Rough Diamond |
4 3 |
| 180 |
Ripples |
2 0 |
| 267 |
Room 44 |
2 0 |
| 48 |
Schnaps |
1 1 |
| 138 |
Sewing Circle of Period |
0 5 |
| 115 |
S. H. A. M. Pinafore |
3 3 |
| 55 |
Somebody’s Nobody |
3 2 |
| 232 |
Stage Struck Yankee |
4 2 |
| 241 |
Struck by Lightning |
2 2 |
| 270 |
Slick and Skinner |
5 0 |
| 1 |
Slasher and Crasher |
5 2 |
| 137 |
Taking the Census |
1 1 |
| 252 |
That Awful Carpet Bag |
3 3 |
| 40 |
That Mysterious B’dle |
2 2 |
| 38 |
The Bewitched Closet |
5 2 |
| 101 |
The Coining Man |
3 1 |
| 167 |
Turn Him Out |
3 2 |
| 291 |
The Actor’s Scheme |
4 4 |
| 308 |
The Irish Squire of Squash Ridge |
4 2 |
| 285 |
The Mashers Mashed |
5 2 |
| 68 |
The Sham Professor |
4 0 |
| 295 |
The Spellin’ Skewl |
7 6 |
| 54 |
The Two T. J’s |
4 2 |
| 28 |
Thirty-three Next Birthday |
4 2 |
| 292 |
Tim Flannigan |
5 0 |
| 142 |
Tit for Tat |
2 1 |
| 276 |
The Printer and His Devils |
3 1 |
| 263 |
Trials of a Country Editor |
6 2 |
| 7 |
The Wonderful Telephone |
3 1 |
| 281 |
Two Aunt Emily |
0 8 |
| 269 |
Unjust Justice |
6 2 |
| 170 |
U. S. Mail |
2 2 |
| 213 |
Vermont Wool Dealer |
5 3 |
| 151 |
Wanted a Husband |
2 1 |
| 70 |
Which will he Marry |
2 8 |
| 135 |
Widower’s Trials |
4 5 |
| 147 |
Waking Him To |
1 2 |
| 155 |
Why they Joined the Rebeccas |
0 4 |
| 111 |
Yankee Duelist |
3 1 |
| 157 |
Yankee Peddler |
7 3 |
| ETHIOPIAN FARCES. |
| 204 |
Academy of Stars |
6 0 |
| 65 |
An Unwelcome Return |
3 1 |
| 15 |
An Unhappy Pair |
1 1 |
| 172 |
Black Shoemaker |
4 2 |
| 98 |
Black Statue |
4 2 |
| 222 |
Colored Senators |
3 0 |
| 214 |
Chops |
3 0 |
| 145 |
Cuff’s Luck |
2 1 |
| 190 |
Crimps Trip |
5 0 |
| 27 |
Fetter Lane to Gravesend |
2 0 |
| 230 |
Hamlet the Dainty |
6 1 |
| 153 |
Haunted House |
2 0 |
| 103 |
How Sister Paxey got her |
|
| |
Child Baptized |
2 1 |
| 24 |
Handy Andy |
2 0 |
| 230 |
Hypochondriac, The |
2 0 |
| 47 |
In the Wrong Box |
3 0 |
| 77 |
Joe’s Visit |
2 1 |
| 88 |
Mischievous Nigger |
4 2 |
| 256 |
Midnight Colic |
2 1 |
| 128 |
Musical Darkey |
2 0 |
| 90 |
No Cure No Pay |
3 1 |
| 61 |
Not as Deaf as He Seems |
3 0 |
| 244 |
Old Clothes |
3 0 |
| 234 |
Old Dad’s Cabin |
2 1 |
| 150 |
Old Pompey |
1 1 |
| 210 |
Othello |
4 1 |
| 109 |
Other People’s Children |
3 2 |
| 297 |
Pomp Green’s Snakes |
2 0 |
| 134 |
Pomp’s Pranks |
2 0 |
| 258 |
Prof. Bones’ Latest Invention |
5 0 |
| 177 |
Quarrelsome Servants |
3 0 |
| 96 |
Rooms to Let |
2 1 |
| 107 |
School |
5 0 |
| 133 |
Seeing Bosting |
3 0 |
| 179 |
Sham Doctor |
3 3 |
| 94 |
16,000 Years Ago |
3 0 |
| 243 |
Sports on a Lark |
3 0 |
| 25 |
Sport with a Sportsman |
2 0 |
| 92 |
Stage Struck Darkey |
2 1 |
| 238 |
Strawberry Shortcake |
2 0 |
| 10 |
Stocks Up, Stocks Down |
2 0 |
| 64 |
That Boy Sam |
3 1 |
| 233 |
The Best Cure |
4 1 |
| 282 |
The Intelligence Office |
3 0 |
| 122 |
The Select School |
5 0 |
| 118 |
The Popcorn Man |
3 1 |
| 6 |
The Studio |
3 0 |
| 108 |
Those Awful Boys |
5 0 |
| 245 |
Ticket Taker |
3 0 |
| 4 |
Twain’s Dodging |
3 1 |
| 197 |
Tricks |
5 2 |
| 198 |
Uncle Jeff |
5 2 |
| 216 |
Vice Versa |
3 1 |
| 206 |
Villkens and Dinah |
4 1 |
| 210 |
Virginia Mummy |
0 1 |
| 203 |
Who Stole the Chickens |
1 1 |
| 205 |
William Tell |
4 0 |
| 156 |
Wig-Maker and His Servants |
3 0 |
| GUIDE BOOKS. |
| 17 |
Hints on Elocution |
|
| 130 |
Hints to Amateurs |
|
| CANTATA. |
| 215 |
On to Victory |
4 6 |
| TABLEAUX. |
| 250 |
Festival of Days |
|
| PANTOMIME. |
| 260 |
Cousin John’s Album |
|
MAKE YOUR OWN WIGS!
PREPARED WOOL!
PREPARED WOOL IS AN ARTICLE THAT EVERYONE,
WITHOUT ANY EXPERIENCE CAN MAKE INTO
WIGS! BEARDS! MUSTACHES! ETC.
AT VERY LITTLE COST,
AND WILL BE SURE TO GIVE SATISFACTION.
PRICE 50 CENTS PER OUNCE.
Address, THE AMES PUBLISHING CO.,
Lock Box 152, CLYDE, OHIO.
Transcriber's Notes:
The cover image was created by the transcriber, and is in the public domain.
Uncertain or antiquated spellings or ancient words were not corrected.
The illustrations have been moved so that they do not break up
paragraphs and so that they are next to the text they illustrate.
Errors in punctuation and inconsistent hyphenation were not corrected
unless otherwise noted.
Typographical errors have been silently corrected but other variations
in spelling and punctuation remain unaltered.
Where double quotes have been repeated at the beginnings of
consecutive stanzas, they have been omitted for clarity.
The heading "ACT II" after "END OF ACT I" was added by the transcriber
for the sake of clarity and consistency.
