No sooner had she got inside the door than the tears began to fall; and
all the way up the four flights of dark stairway they were raining down
her cheeks. She had to wipe them away before she could see to put the
latchkey into the lock.
Everything neat, orderly, familiar; just as she had left it a few hours
ago, and all seeming in its blank sobriety to rebuke her for her
desperate hopes. She went into her own bare and chilly little room and
lay down on the cot there, sobbing forlornly, clutching in her hand the
card he had given her—a sort of talisman by means of which she could
reconstruct the enchanted hour of that afternoon. She remembered every
word he had said, every detail of his appearance. And, recollecting
them, wept all the more to think what she must forego.
“Of course, I’ll never see him again!” she cried. “I’ll have to forget
all about him....”
But she knew that she could not forget him. It seemed to her that she
had never seen so remarkable, so attractive a person. His face, when he
had turned round, that thin, dark face with its haughty nose, the
underlip scornfully protruding, the serious regard of his black eyes....
She had not particularly noticed him at first, except as a gaunt and
rather shabby young man sitting on the bench behind her on top of the
bus. She had been absorbed in watching Fifth Avenue, which had, on that
bright October afternoon, the absurd and exciting festival air it so
unaccountably assumes. She was solemnly happy, singing under her breath,
looking down at the people, the shops, the motor cars that were going
by; when there came a sudden violent jolt and the coin she was holding
had leaped out of her hand and fallen to the street below. And it was
the only one she had!
She had sprung up in a panic; ready to jump off the bus and walk all the
long way home, but at the top of the little stairway she had met the
conductor coming up.
“Fare!” he had said, with suspicion.
“I just dropped it—a minute ago!” she explained. “I was ... I had a
quarter in my hand—and it fell out....”
“Oh, it did, did it?” said he.
“I’ll get off at once,” she said.
“Oh, yes!” said the conductor. “Of course you dropped it! But you just
happened to be where you wanted to get off when you dropped it, though,
didn’t you?”
She gave a miserable, deprecating smile, anxious only to escape from
this humiliation, to get away. When suddenly that young man had got up,
put a dime into the conductor’s register, and raised his hat
ceremoniously to Rosaleen.
“Allow me!” he had said.
“Oh! Thank you!” she had cried. “Thank you!...”
“Not at all!” said he.
She had resumed her seat on the bench ahead of him, and tried to look
with exaggerated interest at the street. But she was terribly
distressed. She felt that she hadn’t said enough—not nearly enough.
Surely she ought at least to suggest repaying him, or something of that
sort;—not to sit there and ride along, with her back turned to him.
And though of course she couldn’t know it, he was just as troubled. He
had heard her say that she had dropped a quarter, and it occurred to him
that she might very well need the rest of it badly, for more carfare,
perhaps, or something else very necessary.... In the course of time the
idea became intolerable. He leaned forward and touched her gently on
the shoulder; and she had turned to regard him with alarmed grey eyes.
“I beg your pardon...” he began. “But ... I’d be very glad ... if you
would permit me....”
He saw that she didn’t comprehend.
“I overheard you say that it was a quarter you had dropped,” he said.
“If you—perhaps you particularly wanted the change...?”
“Oh!... No!... No, thank you very much, indeed, but I don’t. I’m going
right home. I—No, thank you just the same!”
She was so immeasurably grateful that she could not bear to turn her
back on him; she faced him, confused, but smiling, passionately anxious
to be nice to one who had been so nice to her.
“Isn’t it a beautiful day?” she had said.
“Yes, it is!” said he. “Very!”
She kept on smiling, but it was a strained and wretched smile, and the
colour in her cheeks deepened. A ridiculous, an intolerable situation!
She couldn’t keep on in that way, twisted half round in her seat, and
smiling and smiling.... She had to turn away.
But a little later she turned back again.
“Isn’t that florist’s window lovely?” she had said.
“Yes, it is!” he answered. “Very!”
He, too, wished to be nice, but couldn’t; and once she had resumed her
normal position, although then he thought of a number of things he
wished to say, he couldn’t suddenly make remarks to her back. Neither
could he touch her on the shoulder again, for he considered that would
be vulgar. So after much thought, he finally got up and standing beside
her and holding fast to the back of the seat to keep his footing on the
lurching deck, he asked her if she could tell him what building that
was?
She did so, gladly.
“I haven’t been in the city long,” he said, with a chivalrous desire to
give her information about himself. “I’m from Charleston.”
“Oh, are you? Do you like it here?”
“No,” he answered, promptly. “Not much.”
She was a little taken aback at that, and while she was thinking of a
polite rejoinder, the young man had taken from his pocket a leather
case, and was proffering a card.
Mr. Nicholas Landry.
“Thank you!” she murmured.
He waited a moment, hoping perhaps for some sort of reciprocation, but
none came. So—
“May I sit down?” he asked.
“Oh, yes, do!” she answered.
A long time seemed to go by.
“I wish—” he said, and paused. “I wish I could see you again.”
There was a sort of self-assurance about him that somehow inspired her
with confidence in him. It had not the least trace of effrontery, nor
was there anything ingratiating about him. His air seemed to tell her
that, if she didn’t want to see him, she need only say so, and that
would be the end of it. He was quiet, courteous, but far from humble. He
was, in fact, rather lordly. And she liked it.
“Well...” she began. “I—I’d like to—pay you back that fare....”
“Perhaps you’d let me call?”
He was startled at her vehemence.
“Oh, no!” she cried. “Oh, no! You couldn’t! I’m sorry—but you
couldn’t!”
Her face had grown crimson and her eyes were filled with tears, and she
kept her head resolutely turned aside.
This surprised, embarrassed and a little annoyed him. Did she think he
was trying to force himself upon her? He said nothing more after that.
But at last, as they drew near his corner, he spoke again.
“Well!” he said, rising, with a slight sigh. “I’m sorry!”
She turned quickly.
“If—if you’d like ... to-morrow ... in the Fifth Avenue Library...?”
Again he was surprised, amazed at this sudden and anxious invitation.
But he politely concealed his surprise.
“Nothing I’d like better,” he said. “What time?”
“About three?”
“I’ll be there!” he assured her. “Just where?”
“Oh ... that hall that goes down to the circulating room....”
He stretched out his hand to ring the bell.
“But you haven’t told me your name!” he said.
“Oh! Rosaleen!” she said. “Rosaleen—Humbert.”
Then once more raising his hat with a smile that enthralled her, he had
vanished down the stairs, and a moment later she had seen him going down
a side street—a lean young figure with a long stride.
. . . . . . . . . .
“I shan’t go!” she sobbed. “Of course not! What would be the sense? I’d
just better forget all about him.”
“It wouldn’t be fair!” she went on. “Because—if he knew ... he wouldn’t
want to see me....”
Useless to recollect newspaper tales of dukes and chorus girls, of
millionaires and waitresses, of Cophetua and the beggar maid in all its
modern guises. All those people were different. There was no other man
like him, no other woman like her. What is more, Rosaleen had no faith
in romance. Had not her history been what anyone would call romantic,
and wasn’t it as cruel and dull and cold as any life could be?
She sat up and dried her eyes.
“No!” she said. “No use thinking about it.... No use making a fool of
myself.”
It had grown quite dark. She got up and lighted the flaring gas jet on a
wall bracket, and looked at the big impudent face of the alarm clock
standing on her austere bureau top. And at the same time caught sight of
her own face, stained and swollen with tears, but still lovely in its
pure young outline, with the wise innocence of those drowned grey eyes.
The type one calls “flower-like,” with the exquisite fineness of her
old, old race, the deep set eyes, the passionate and sensitive mouth,
the strange look of resignation. She was rather fair, with light brown
hair and a sweet and healthy colour; she was slender and not very tall;
she looked fragile, but she was not. She had a strength, an energy, an
endurance beyond measure.
An endurance well known and profited by in this household. She brushed
her fine hair and pinned it up tightly and carelessly; she bathed her
eyes in cold water and tied an apron about her waist. And went along the
corridor of the dark, old-fashioned flat to the kitchen. All neat as a
pin there. Potatoes closely pared, soaking in cold water, lettuce in a
wet cloth, a jar of lard set to cool on the window sill, ready for the
inevitable frying. She set to work briskly to prepare the supper, and
when it was cooking on the stove, she set up the ironing board and began
to press a pile of napkins and handkerchiefs. And began to sing to
herself in a low and mournful voice.
At six o’clock came the expected sound of a key in the latch, and
presently a venerable grey-bearded old gentleman put his head into the
kitchen.
“Well! Well! Well!” he said, benevolently. “Aha! Something very savoury
there, I think, Rosaleen!”
“I hope you’ll like it,” she said, smiling.
“Will it be long?”
“Not an instant. I’ll set the table now. Shall we wait for Miss Amy?”
“I think not. I think not. Better get it over with, eh?”
She smiled again, and putting up the ironing board, began at once to lay
the table for three. The venerable old gentleman had vanished into his
room, and was seen no more until she knocked on his door.
“Dinner!” she said.
He came out again very promptly, closing the door behind him, and took
his place at the head of the table. He bowed his grey head, Rosaleen
bent her sleek one, and he said a solemn grace. And then set to work to
carve the scraggy little steak. It didn’t take much to make him
grateful; their standard of living wasn’t exalted; tough meat, with
potatoes and a canned vegetable, that was the regulation; then as a
dessert either canned fruit or a pie from the baker’s. And the lettuce,
which it was considered necessary for his health that Mr. Humbert should
eat every evening.
Rosaleen sat opposite him, still in her apron, thankful for once for his
inhuman indifference. He wouldn’t notice that she had been crying. They
didn’t talk; they never did. What could they possibly have to say to
each other?
The light from two jets in the gasolier over the table shone clearly,
illumined every corner. All quite neat and clean, with a sort of bright
stuffiness about it; a greenish brown carpet on the floor, a couch bed
concealed by a green corduroy cover, four varnished oak chairs spaced
primly against the wall. In one corner stood a sewing machine covered
with a lace tablecloth, on which was a fern in a pot decorated with a
frill of green crêpe paper. On the mantelpiece stood a geranium
similarly ornamented, and on the table another. From the gasolier and
from the curtain pole over the doorway were suspended half coconut
shells filled with ferns. Hanging in the windows by gilt chains were two
“transparencies”; one was moonlight in Venice, all a ghastly green, and
the other was a church with lighted windows gleaming redly over the
snow: no doubt they were to compensate for the lack of any view except
that of the wall of a courtyard. Nothing in this familiar hideousness to
arrest Rosaleen’s glance; she looked restlessly about, longing for the
venerable old gentleman to have done with his coconut custard pie.
At last (of course) he did.
“Don’t forget to save something for Miss Amy!” he said, and disappeared
again into his cubicle.
While Rosaleen went about her solitary work, washed the dishes, scoured
the pots, boiled the dishtowels and hung them to dry, swept the floor,
and at last could put out the gas and go away, leaving her domain in
perfect order. Nothing more to be done....
Then was the time when the pain, the unhappiness which she had thought
to be conquered, and lost in resignation, came back to her again,
stronger, more bitter than ever. In all her hard life there had never
been anything so hard as the renunciation of this unknown young man.
“But I won’t go to meet him!” she said. “He’d be sure to find out. And
then it would be all the worse.... Now I’ve only seen him once, and if I
never see him again, I’ll soon forget him. Oh, much, much better not to
go!”
“But if he liked me very much, he wouldn’t care who I was!”
That thought, however, held no consolation. He would care. She knew
it. She had read in every feature of his face the most obstinate and
tyrannical pride.
“But maybe he’d never find out?” she persisted, desperately.
And looked and looked in the mirror, with fervent anxiety. One might
have thought she expected to see her secret stamped on her brow.
They thought she had forgotten, because she never mentioned anything of
that, never asked a question. But she hadn’t. No! She remembered, and at
her worst and loneliest, she longed for the old times. Besides, she had
three times heard Miss Amy relating the story when they believed her to
be asleep in bed, and each time she had heard it told, the most
immeasurable bitterness, the most devastating misery had rushed over
her.
“Why ever was I born?” she used to cry to herself.
And hadn’t she also heard Miss Amy murmur, not imagining herself
overheard, that: You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear! What
else can you expect from a girl like that?
It had hurt and angered her so; it had left her without gratitude,
without even justice. She quite hated Miss Amy.
Lying in her bed that night all these feelings flamed in her with
fiercest intensity, shame, bitterness, and, above all, a great and
unassuaged grief for that incomparable friend whom she had lost, for the
kind and sturdy Miss Julie, dead these five long years.
Miss Julie had meant to do a kindness. She intended—and if she had
lived she would have succeeded in—benefiting Rosaleen.
“I remember it as if it were yesterday,” Miss Amy had begun her
thrice-told tale, “The day that Julie brought her here....”
Well, and didn’t Rosaleen remember it, too? Who better?
It had begun ten years ago in the Life Class at the Girls’ Institute of
Practical Art where Miss Julie, bravely disregarding her thirty-five
years, had commenced to study. Upon the death of their very old father,
the three Humberts, brother and two sisters, had left their farm in
Maine and had come to New York to live. They were independent now, and
in a hurry to leave their old homestead, to be free from that
atmosphere, where they had passed a dreary childhood and a youth
frightfully oppressed by the old man. Crude, strong people, they were
possessed of a strange and pitiful craving for “culture.” Perhaps
because they were rather too old and too repressed for pleasure.
Mr. Humbert had found a position in an office, fulfilling a lifelong
dream of gentility, and his great hands, worn and roughened with the
hard labour of the farm, seized eagerly upon the pen. He had made
himself into the likeness of a scholar, without learning, without
aptitude; he had covered himself with the shell of a scholar, and he
deceived himself and his sisters and all the rest of their little world.
Miss Amy had found it hardest to adapt herself. She was by nature the
perfect village gossip, the meddlesome and vindictive spinster inflicted
upon every community in all corners of this earth. She was cruel,
jealous and stupid. Left to herself she had been unable to discover in
all the city anything which really interested her. But a casual
neighbour had taken her in hand, and under her direction she developed
strangely. She became absorbed in Interior Decorating. She had not a
vestige of taste; she never dreamt of applying at home any of the
principles of which she read, but she dearly loved to see pictures and
to read about fine old furniture, about rugs, about Antiques. She used
to go to Auction Sales with great pleasure. Also, with mysterious
facility, she made a number of friends. In the stores, the markets, in
the street cars, she would drop into conversation with strangers, and
she would never let them go. She managed so that within a year’s time
she was able to go out somewhere nearly every day.
Miss Julie, as we said, began at once to study art, with rapture. No one
could imagine how she enjoyed that Life Class—a most refined and
earnest class, thoroughly feminine, and inclined to fussiness. There
were only twelve members and five of them had scholarships of which they
were doggedly determined to take advantage. They came early, so as not
to waste a minute, and they carried out every minute suggestion of the
teacher. The models were all investigated, and a good reputation was of
more avail than a fine body. Respectable women, generally a trifle
heavy, “picturesque” old men with white beards, a young man or so who
was invariably struggling to study something, and was not to be
discouraged by posing all day and amusing himself all evening.
The class was on this particular morning assembled, all ready, sitting
before their drawing boards, and a little indignant at the delay. They
couldn’t bear to waste time.
“Ten minutes late!” said one of them. “It’s to be a child to-day, isn’t
it, Miss Humbert?”
Miss Julie, as monitor, was informed and answered yes.
“I don’t care about doing children,” said the student, “I don’t think
they’re interesting. That last little boy was perfectly square.”
Just then in came a fat, smiling woman in black, holding a little girl
by the hand. Miss Julie pointed out the dressing screen, and they
disappeared behind it. For an unreasonably long time their voices were
heard, whispering.
It was Miss Julie who voiced the indignation of the serious class.
“Aren’t you ready to pose yet?” she called out. “We’ve wasted over
twenty minutes.”
“Just a moment, please ma’am!” answered the woman’s pleasant voice, and
presently she emerged, still leading the child by the hand. Reluctantly
the little thing came out from behind the screen, a thin, white body;
then suddenly she broke violently away from her mother and disappeared
again.
“Saints deliver us!” said the woman with a sigh. “Did you ever see the
like?”
And she went after the child, and evidently tried to drag it out, for it
began to cry, in a low, hoarse little voice.
“No! No! I can’t! No, Mommer! I can’t!”
“Naughty little thing!” said one of the serious students, with a frown.
But Miss Julie had got up and gone behind the screen.
“What’s the matter?” she demanded, with severity.
“That child!” said the mother. “She’s that obstinate there is no
reasoning with her at all. She’s made up her mind she will not stand out
there for the young ladies to draw.”
“Why?” demanded Miss Julie.
“Some silly notion,” said the mother.
Miss Julie looked down at the little girl; she had pulled her dress
round her shivering little body and was crouched against the wall, with
eyes to break your heart, full of terror and anguish. Miss Julie was
shocked.
“What’s the matter, pet?” she asked, gently. “Aren’t you well?”
The child couldn’t answer, only shook her head, while tears began to
roll slowly down her cheeks. Miss Julie went down on her knees beside
her, and tried to put an arm about her, but she cowered away.
“Tell me!” she entreated. “Why don’t you want to pose, my dear?”
With lips trembling so that she could scarcely speak, the child told
her.
“I want ... to—get dressed.... I don’t ... want them to see me.”
“Hasn’t she posed before?” Miss Julie asked the mother.
“No, she has not. I’ve done the best I——”
“Do you mean to say you’re trying to force her—when she feels as she
does—when she’s ashamed?”
The stout woman did not flinch at all before Miss Julie’s stern glance.
“It will do her no harm,” she said. “Only for these young ladies and
while she’s so young.”
“It’s very wrong!” cried Miss Julie. “It’s—it shouldn’t be allowed.”
“She’s engaged already. For two hours at fifty cents an hour. She needs
the money and she will have to do the work for it,” the mother remarked
grimly. “Go on with you, Rosaleen!”
“Get dressed!” said Miss Julie to the child. “You can pose in a costume.
I’ll find something.”
She explained as well as she could to her classmates, but received no
general sympathy. Most of them thought the child was awfully silly.
“And she’s made us waste half our time,” said one of them. “I’m going to
complain in the office.”
Miss Julie devised a costume which she said was a gipsy dress. She went
behind the screen again and found the little girl in underwaist and
petticoat, buttoning up her poor, scuffed little boots.
“We’ll take those off,” she said. “You won’t mind being bare-legged.”
She dressed the little thing while it stood there like a doll. A
beautiful child, too thin and altogether too small for its years, but
very charmingly and gracefully built; it had deep-set clear grey eyes
and a wistful small face, broad at the brow and tapering to a pointed
chin, like a kitten’s. And it had about it something which enslaved Miss
Julie, some mystic and adorable quality which she could not name, and
which no one else saw.
She unfastened the two scrawny little “pig tails” and let her ill-kept
brown hair fall about the neck, pitifully thin, like a bird’s; then she
tied a broad scarlet ribbon about her forehead and put on a short
spangled jacket over the underwaist. She looked very unlike a gipsy,
with her meek glance and her fair skin, but she was undeniably lovely,
and the class set to work drawing her without further grumbling. She was
quiet as a lamb, quick to obey any suggestion, evidently anxious to
atone for her naughtiness. She looked pitifully tired, too.
Miss Julie was quite determined not to let this child vanish. She
resolutely stopped the stout woman as she was leaving.
“You won’t make her pose any more, will you?” she said, entreating.
“I’m a poor woman,” said the mother, “and I have to do the best I can.”
“But it’s——”
“It’s fifty cents an hour, Miss, that’s what it is. And I need the money
that bad.”
“I’ll find something better for her to do,” said Miss Julie, rashly. “If
you’ll give me your name and address, I’ll find something much better.
Only—she mustn’t do this. It’s not right, feeling as she does.”
“Only Saturdays and after school,” said the mother. “I do the best I can
for her, but ’tis not very much, where there are six and me a widow. She
goes regular to the Sisters’ school, and she is doing fine there. She’s
not twelve yet and——”
“She’s very small for that age,” said Miss Julie.
“She is small,” her mother agreed, “and childish-like for her age. But
she’s smart. Last Christmas didn’t they give her a prize—a book with
poetry in it—for elocution.”
Miss Julie had wished to regard this mother as a brute, a fiend; she had
not enough experience or subtlety to comprehend lights and shades.
Everyone must be good or bad, and no shilly-shallying. So she regarded
this note of pride in the woman’s voice as hypocrisy.
She watched them as they went out, the rusty widow with her profoundly
cynical red face, the fragile, shabby child clinging to her, stealing
sidelong glances at the “young ladies,” who were getting ready to go
home. She was determined to save that lovely and abused child.
She had hurried home to “consult” her brother. Not that she had any real
regard for his opinion or any desire to know what it was; she knew, in
fact, that he probably would advise her to use her own judgment. But she
considered it decent to consult the man in the house; so she approached
him with her idea.
“A lovely little thing,” she said. “Really beautiful—and so intelligent
looking.”
“Yes?” said Mr. Humbert.
“And something really refined about her.... Really, Morton, I should
like to adopt her.”
That roused him. A child in the place! Impossible! He tried to argue,
but he couldn’t. He was never able to. He had some queer constitutional
inability for argument; a fatal lassitude would overwhelm him before he
had begun even to express his views. He always ran away, shut himself
into his own room and forced himself to forget whatever it was that he
had found unpleasant.
“I’d have to see the woman, of course,—investigate...” he said, hoping
in this way to push the whole topic away into the distance.
But his sister agreed with alarming promptness.
“Of course!” she said.
Well, then, two days later, when he came home from his office, and as
usual put his head in at the kitchen door to announce himself and to see
what was going forward, he saw sitting in two chairs side by side a
voluminous widow and a thin little girl, drinking cocoa with relish and
with elegance, little fingers crooked in the air.
“This is Mrs. Monahan!” said Julie, briefly.
He saw that he was expected to go in and question this stout woman with
an amused red face, and he would have preferred death.
“I’ll leave the matter in your hands, Julie,” he said, and hastened into
his own room, positively trembling with fright.
It wasn’t long before Julie knocked at his door.
“We’ve come to a temporary arrangement,” she said. “I actually believe
that woman’s glad to be rid of her child.”
Forgetting that the forlorn little child was still sitting in the
kitchen, and able to hear every word.
Quite true that Mrs. Monahan had agreed to abandon her child almost
completely. She loved Rosaleen, but she didn’t feel it necessary to have
her with her; and anyway, hadn’t she plenty of others? To know that
Rosaleen was living in comfort somewhere in God’s world was quite
enough. She hadn’t a trace of sentimentality. An excess, even very
slight, of whiskey or even of strong boiled tea, could cause Mrs.
Monahan to shed tears and to shake her head with delicious melancholy
over life and its pains, and she professed to look upon death as a
blessed release. But all this in no way affected her actions. She
resigned her lovely child to this erratic and sentimental spinster
because she saw very clearly the benefits which might be obtained. But
she would not even pretend to be grateful.
Later in the evening she returned as she had promised, bringing with her
a bundle of Rosaleen’s effects, and she found her child sitting on a
sofa in the sitting room, holding before her face a big geography book
which Miss Julie had said contained interesting pictures, while behind
it the tears were trickling slowly down her cheeks. She rushed at her
mother like a whirlwind, and kissed her and embraced her, clinging to
her desperately. Mrs. Monahan also wept, but nevertheless went away.
Miss Julie’s heart ached for the deserted little creature.
“There! There!” she said. “You mustn’t cry, dear! Come! We’ll go into
your own nice, comfy little room and put your things away, and then
you’ll feel more at home.”
She led her into a decent enough little cell, clean and orderly, and
opened the little bundle. It did not contain what, according to all
proper stories of poor little girls, it should have contained, the
traditional clothes, few in number, but neatly patched and darned, and
spotlessly clean. Mrs. Monahan had taken it for granted that a new
outfit would be bought for Rosaleen, and she hadn’t wasted her time
mending things that would certainly be discarded. She had, on the
contrary, kept all Rosaleen’s better things at home, for the other
children, so that what Miss Julie unwrapped was poor enough.
“A bundle of rags!” she reflected, shocked.
She didn’t quite know what to do with the child that evening. She was
very anxious to make her happy, to console and comfort her. She sat down
at the piano and played all her small repertory—marches, polkas,
mazurkas, and waltzes, all of the brilliant style. But Rosaleen was
thoroughly accustomed to piano playing; every family she knew had one
piano-playing daughter. Her mother had once had a piano, on “time
payments”; it had had to go back whence it came after three months, but
she had enjoyed experimenting on it while it lasted.
Then Miss Julie gave her picture books to look at, things insultingly
beneath her intelligence. This good lady didn’t realise that Rosaleen
had for a long time been treated as an adult; that she sat with her
mother and her mother’s friends, listening with profound interest to
long tales of illnesses, births, deaths, of bad husbands and good ones,
of tragedies beyond the knowledge of this household. Babies scalded in
wash tubs, women maltreated by their men, girls who disappeared,
lingering illnesses in bleak poverty. So blank and desolate for her was
this first evening at the Humberts, that she was glad enough to go to
bed at nine o’clock, although her usual time was at least two hours
later.
Miss Julie tucked her comfortably into her clean little bed, opened the
window, put out the light and kissed her good-night.
“If you want anything, call me!” she said. “Are you quite comfortable,
and all right, pet?”
The child answered, “Yes, ma’am!” But almost before the door had closed
upon her benefactress, she was weeping bitterly.
Miss Julie let her sleep late the next morning, and when she finally
awakened, she was greeted by a new face, beyond words welcome to her, a
good wrinkled old Irish face. It was Mrs. Cronin, who came in to wash by
the day.
“They’re all out!” she announced to the little girl. “You and me will be
keeping house together all the day. How will that suit ye?”
Rosaleen said it would suit her grand; she dressed in great haste and
hurried into the kitchen, where Mrs. Cronin gave her some nice bitter
black tea which had been sitting on the stove this long while to get the
strength out of it. She likewise pilfered a little bacon fat from Miss
Amy’s carefully preserved jar, and fried an egg in it.
And in the process muttered of Miss Amy, in uncomplimentary vein.
“Her, with the long nose of her poking into every bit and bite a poor
old woman would be eating.... Never a drop of milk does she leave for
me, nor meat to taste on the tip of your tongue.... Well, now, then, how
do you like all of this, and the fine new home, and all?”
“I do not like it,” said Rosaleen. “I wish....” She choked back a sob.
“I wish I was home again.”
“Whist! Ye have no sinse at all!” cried Mrs. Cronin, secretly delighted.
“Did ye not sleep in a fine bed last night?”
“The wind did be blowing on me!” she said. “For the window was left
open.”
“’Tis one of their notions,” said Mrs. Cronin, scornfully. “They pay for
coal to keep up a fire the night long and then lave the windows wide.”
Rosaleen then told her that she wasn’t used to sleeping in a room alone
or in the dark.
“There’s a street light shines in our window the night through,” she
said, “and there’s the lot of us, my mother and my sister and the baby
and myself. ’Tis more sociable like.”
They talked with gusto for hours. They were equals, in spite of the fact
that Mrs. Cronin was sixty and Rosaleen eleven. Mrs. Cronin told a
deeply interesting story of her sister’s boy who had been sent to a
Protectory, for no proper reason at all; a case of flagrant injustice
which Rosaleen understood perfectly, one of her own brothers having been
threatened. Rosaleen was not downcast now, or tongue tied; she, too, had
stories to tell. Modest and gentle she was, as ever, but a citizen of
the world, with experience, albeit vicarious.
It had gone on for five years, a life of boredom, of loneliness,
mitigated only by the unfailing kindness of Miss Julie. A flat, insipid
existence. She found the Humberts’ conversation unfailingly dull, their
routine almost intolerably stupid. She longed beyond measure for the
comfort and freedom of her old home.
All this had astounded Miss Julie. She was never able really to see how
impossible was her task, never realised that she could not mould this
fragile and wistful child into a Humbert. Or reach her. Material
pleasures made no appeal to that simple soul; she cared next to nothing
for good food, good clothes, a soft bed. She was always docile,
thoroughly a good child, ready, obedient, sweet-tempered. She didn’t
give the least trouble, and never asked for anything. But she
nevertheless disappointed Miss Julie. She didn’t seem to change as she
should have changed. Their cultured atmosphere didn’t transform her. She
sat at their table night after night, meek and clean, with downcast
eyes, never speaking unless spoken to, always and forever the poor
widow’s child in the stranger’s house.
Miss Julie did her best. She sent her to school; she gave her kind and
tactful information about baths and toothbrushes; she saw that she was
well fed and nicely dressed. She took her to the circus every spring,
and now and then to an entertainment considered suitable. Also she
taught her to play a few babyish pieces on the piano, and, what most
pleased the little girl, she had begun to teach her to draw. When all
those activities were cut short by her death.
Even now, after five years, Rosaleen couldn’t bear to look back upon
that. She had been desperate with grief, a little mad thing. She had
been brought in to look for the last time at her friend, she had seen
her lying there, much the same as usual, a stout, sallow woman with
blunt, good-humoured features. And for the first time that face did not
smile at her, that voice did not speak to console and to reassure her.
Miss Amy had no comfort to give. She had never liked the child. She
consented now to keep her, because “dear Julie would have wished it,”
but she kept her as a servant, an unpaid servant, with “privileges.” She
sat at the table with them, she was still nicely dressed, she was given
a little—a very little—pocket money. And she was permitted to go every
Sunday afternoon to see her mother. Miss Amy had no inclination for
continuing Miss Julie’s battle. She did not wish to improve Rosaleen.
Miss Julie had tried with all her tact, all her ability, to divorce the
child from her family, but Miss Amy encouraged intercourse. It helped to
keep Rosaleen in her place.
Those days were gone now. There were no more of those Sunday afternoons
in her mother’s kitchen. A sister had married well, and the whole family
had migrated to Boston, where the unwilling and resentful son-in-law
could “keep an eye” on them. Rosaleen had written two or three times to
her mother, but had never had an answer. And with her sorrowful
resignation, had given her up as lost.
But whenever a dark hour came, her memory flew back to that spot,
recalled to her that time spent in the dreadful dirty old kitchen with
her mother, a little bit intoxicated, seated before the table covered
with oilcloth, and usually a neighbor or two, widow women, or married as
it might be, all drinking tea and complaining. There was always a baby
sister or brother crawling about the floor, and a cat; it was always
warm, steamy, indescribably friendly. The depth of it, the vitality, the
kind, consoling human flavour of it, of those slovenly women who were
forever bearing children, whose talk was of life and death, of pain,
sorrow and earthly joys! Compared with it, the hurried artificial
conversation of Miss Amy and Mr. Humbert was like the talk of
shadows....
She was thinking and thinking of it that night.
“All right!” she said, bitterly. “I won’t deny it! I’m common! I’m not
happy here. I don’t belong here. I don’t appreciate it. I hate it! I
wouldn’t be like Miss Amy for anything.... Of course he’d soon see
that. He’d find out that I’m—common....”
But she couldn’t bear the thought. She sat up in bed.
“Oh, but I haven’t had a chance!” she cried. “I’ve never had a chance!
Oh!... If I could just see him alone, I could show him that I’m....”
She could not explain to herself just what she knew herself to be, just
what it was that she wished this young man to know. It was that pitiful
secret thought of all human beings, whether a fallacy or a profound
truth can never be demonstrated—the thought that if you know me, you
will love me, that if you hold a poor opinion of me, it is because you
misunderstand me.
Perhaps after all she would go, just this once, just see him, and trust
to his comprehension....
She waked up the next morning, still undecided, her heart as heavy as
lead. She dressed in the dismal twilight of her little cell, weighing
and deliberating, hesitating miserably. At last it resolved itself into
this bald alternative—which way would cause her the least pain—not to
meet him, to lose him forever now, at the very beginning, to destroy
this promise of the first interest any man had yet shown in her—or to
let it go on, to let her starved and ardent affection rush out to him,
to become fatally entangled in the web of her own making, only to have
him find her out and despise her?
She went into the kitchen to get ready the breakfast, and in there, a
back room looking out over little yards, the sun was beginning to enter.
She could see a soft blue morning sky, with shadowy white clouds blown
across it by a mild and steady wind. It cheered her marvellously. She
was as easily made happy as she was easily hurt.
She started to grind the coffee, in itself a cheerful morning noise.
“Oh, nonsense!” she said to herself. “I’m making a mountain out of a
molehill. Of course I’ll go and meet him. Why shouldn’t I? It’s just a
lark. It won’t lead to anything, if I don’t want it to. There’s no need
for me to be so serious about it. I’m going!”
She was well used to keeping her own counsel. She looked and she acted
just the same as usual; when Miss Amy appeared she found breakfast on
the table, as it should be, and Rosaleen occupying a few spare moments
in dusting.
“Good morning, Miss Amy!” she said, in her gentle, her almost meek
little voice.
Miss Amy answered curtly, and looked into the kitchen to see if all was
in order. She was a stout grey haired woman with a face as dark as a
gypsy’s and a long, sharp—an almost wolfish, nose. She had a perpetual
smile, a smile which she had schooled her lips to assume, in her
terrible efforts to subdue her own fierce nature. She was a woman of
natural ferocity and violence, but controlled and dominated by a
passionate desire to be good. So well did she rule herself that she very
rarely spoke a sharp word, and though she had a deep-rooted and
unshakable dislike for Rosaleen, she treated her with generosity. She
made her work; that, she considered, was good for her, and in every way
fitting and proper. But she likewise considered that she and her brother
were morally responsible for this girl, and she paid out of her own
pocket for Art Lessons, for an occasional Shakespearian matinée and
other items of cultural importance.
Anyone who has experienced it will admit how immeasurably painful is the
combination of hostility and gratitude. Rosaleen was obliged by her own
heart to dislike Miss Amy, and by her soul to recognise her
benefactions. They were in all things opposed and hostile. Rosaleen was
a fool possessed of common sense and Miss Amy was a practical woman
without any.
Rosaleen brought in Miss Amy’s little dish of prunes.
“Anything I can do for you downtown to-day, Miss Amy?” she asked.
“Oh, yes, of course! It’s your lesson day. No, thank you, Rosaleen,
there is nothing.”
Mr. Humbert now appeared to be fed. He ate, pretending to be absent
minded so that no one should bother him about anything, and went away to
his office. Then Miss Amy began leisurely to get herself ready to go to
market, while Rosaleen washed the dishes and made the beds.
“You’d better hurry!” she said. “You’ll be late, Rosaleen!”
But Rosaleen was only waiting for her to be gone, so that she could put
on her best blouse and her white gloves.
Miss Julie had always encouraged Rosaleen’s fondness for drawing. In
fact, it may have been the drawing lessons she had given the little
girl and her fervent talk of “art” which had given Rosaleen the idea of
becoming an artist. But, whether the ambition was implanted by nature or
by Miss Julie, the ability was born with her. She had an undoubted
facility. In the long hours she had spent alone in the flat, she had
comforted herself with her little talent, copying the covers of
magazines and inventing romances around the imbecile beauties. And as
time went on, and her companions at school admired her work, her pride
and her hope increased. She saw in this career as an artist a chance of
escape, for freedom.
When she was graduated from the High School, at eighteen, she said that
she should like to study art seriously. Miss Amy had agreed at once, and
Rosaleen had then showed her an advertisement in the Sunday paper which
she had noticed for some weeks.
European Art Teacher would accept one or two more young lady pupils.
Very moderate terms. Address F. W.
They had addressed F. W., and in the due course of time received a
letter signed “Faith Waters,” inviting them to call the next afternoon
at four. They had discovered the European Art Teacher living in a dark,
old-fashioned flat on Tenth Street, with one light room at the back
which she had made into a studio by filling it with plaster casts on
crooked shelves put up by her own hands. The teacher herself was a
withered little woman in a crushed and dusty brown dress, with a black
velvet bow in her cottony white hair, and she had the cultured voice of
one who has been to Europe.
Rosaleen looked about at the photographs on the walls of various persons
in stage costume, signed A ma chère Miss—Bien à vous—and so on. She
supposed that these were artistic foreign friends of Miss Waters’, never
suspecting that they were nothing more nor less than second rate stage
people to whom she had taught English.
“I suppose you’ve lived abroad a long time?” said Miss Amy.
“Oh, dear me, yes!” said Miss Waters. “I studied in Brussels for
years!”
She didn’t explain that this had been thirty years ago, and in a cheap
pension de demoiselles, and that she had never seen the inside of a
foreign art school, or studied under any master except the miserable old
man who had taught drawing as an extra to the demoiselles.
“I’ll show you some of my work,” she had said. “I haven’t a proper place
to hang them here. The light is so bad you’ll hardly be able to
judge.... But still....”
She led the way to the dining-room, where her canvases hung in
profusion. She specialised in animal life, kittens, puppies,
and—timidly—horses. The horses were supernaturally stalwart and
spirited, with tremendous chests and heads flung back splendidly, but
Miss Waters was conscious of many weak points in them, grave
deficiencies. She knew that sweet little kittens were more in her line.
Horses were, after all, rather grossly big animals, and she did them
only as an exercise in virtuosity.
Rosaleen and Miss Amy had been a trifle disappointed in Miss Waters’
work. They both had a feeling that animals were not truly artistic.
Flowers, landscapes, women and children, were what they had expected and
desired. Still, a group of six puppies in a row, astoundingly alike and
yet each one in a different attitude, compelled their admiration.
“Of course,” said Miss Waters, “this is my real work. The teaching is
only a side line. But I do love teaching. It is such a wonderful
privilege to help in developing a talent. Some of my pupils are among
the foremost artists in the country.”
She needn’t have gone on so recklessly, because her visitors were
already in quite the frame of mind she desired. That, however, she
couldn’t know.
“Portrait painters, landscape painters, painters of historical and
religious subjects.... I’ve taught them all. And I’ve been—well,” she
confessed, with a modest smile. “I’ve been very fortunate, I must say.
My pupils are among the most celebrated artists in this country. Not
always the best known,” she hastened to add. “Their names might not
be familiar to you.... But they rank very high.”
All superfluous. For Rosaleen and Miss Amy the fact of her being an
artist sufficed. They took it for granted that any artist knew all about
art, just as they would have expected any blacksmith to understand all
about horseshoeing. Then and there Rosaleen was put into her hands to be
developed.
And she had been going faithfully, three days a week, for nearly two
years, progressing steadily under the system which Miss Waters had found
successful with her pupils in the past. A great deal of drawing in
charcoal from casts at first, then watercolours, and then oils. When you
began to work with oils, the drudgery was over; accuracy was no longer
required, or outlines. The system also included what Miss Waters called
“just a bit of the History of Art,” short talks and readings, which
contained not a vestige of information about art and some very
remarkable history. It was in fact nothing more than a collection of
anecdotes about artists. Generally there was a king, who visited the
artist in disguise, or came up behind him on tiptoe, and who was struck
dumb by the verisimilitude of the painting before him. That was indeed
the measure of an artist’s greatness—that a horse tried to eat his
painted hay, a bird his fruit, that a man tried to sit upon his picture
of a chair, or to smell his flowers. A picture was a picture.
Rosaleen had progressed beyond casts now, and was devoting herself to
watercolours. She was learning the Rules of Perspective, and her
suspicion was becoming confirmed, that Art was a sort of professional
mystery to be learned as one learned law or medicine. She began to feel
that she was getting a grasp of the thing.
She was an altogether satisfactory pupil and Miss Waters was proud of
her; she was bright, docile, and very industrious.
But what was the matter with her on this morning?
She sat before her patient little drawing of a ruined castle on a
hilltop, unable to draw a line, making a weak little scratch now and
then, and rubbing it out as soon as it had appeared.
“What is the trouble, Rosaleen?” asked Miss Waters. “Don’t you feel
well?”
“Oh, yes, thank you, Miss Waters! I feel well. Only ... I don’t know
how it is ... but—I don’t feel like drawing a bit to-day.”
“I know, my dear child!” said Miss Waters. “I’m the same way myself.
It’s the beautiful autumn weather. It’s hard to concentrate on work. It
puts me in mind of my student days, in Brussels.”
She sighed. Those long years, in Paris and Brussels, trotting about from
one English family to another, teaching drawing, from one jolly
demi-mondaine to another, teaching English; the bare little rooms she
had shivered in, the dismal pensions, the dreadful straits in which
she had so often found herself, poor solitary muddle-headed little
foreigner! And yet she had loved it, that illusion of an artistic life;
friendless and poor as she was, she had had her pleasures, had dined at
the little restaurants where she could at least see artists, had spent
hours and days in the picture galleries, had felt gay and adventurous
and irresponsible.
“I’ll tell you what, Rosaleen!” she cried suddenly. “Suppose we both go
out and take a turn round the square? It might do us both good—freshen
our brains!”
Rosaleen looked at the clock. Half past two; her lesson didn’t end till
three, and she had allowed herself half an hour to get up to the
Library. She couldn’t think what to say.
Miss Waters believed that she hesitated because she didn’t want to waste
any of her lesson time.
“We’ll go out, just for a ‘blow’,” she said. “And then you can come back
and work extra late, and we’ll have tea together. I haven’t any pupils
this afternoon.”
“But—I have to stop at the Library and get a book for Miss Amy,” said
Rosaleen. “And—I promised to take it home early.”
Miss Waters looked a trifle disappointed.
“Well, then,” she said. “Go ahead working until your time’s up, and then
I’ll walk up to the Library with you.”
Aghast, horrified, Rosaleen pretended to draw, thinking desperately of
some means of getting rid of Miss Waters. While all the time she could
hear Miss Waters getting ready, scrabbling about in her bedroom,
dropping things, and hunting for other things in bureau drawers.
Presently she came out, and in spite of the mild October day, she was
wearing her dreadful old sealskin coat with the high, puffed shoulders
that made her look so huddled, and perched high on her cottony hair, the
small fur hat that always blew off. It was always an infliction for
Rosaleen to walk with this poor old scarecrow, and on this day it was
nothing short of torture.
Sedately, arm in arm, they walked along Tenth Street and turned up
Fifth Avenue, Miss Waters leaning heavily upon Rosaleen and chattering
with youthful exuberance, roguishly aware of the glances that followed
her. And her hat did blow off, and bowled along ahead of them, like a
dusty, terrified little animal, until a man stopped it with his foot and
with disdain and in silence returned it to the dishevelled artist. She
thanked him, giggling, gathering her cottony hair in both hands to stuff
it back under the hat.
“I thought I had a pin in it,” she explained.
After this, she looked wilder than ever, and the rough October wind
swirling about her skirts revealed a hole in each of her stockings. And
presently she gave a dismayed shriek, and clutched her sealskin coat
about her.
“Oh!” she cried. “The button’s just come off!”
“What button?” asked Rosaleen.
“The button on my coat. Have you a pin, my dear?”
“I’m sorry, but I haven’t. Does it matter much?”
“Of course! How can I keep my coat together?” Miss Waters demanded,
plaintively.
“But—you must have more than one button!”
“No, I really didn’t bother about sewing on the others.... Oh! ... My
hat!”
And as she grasped after the hat with both hands the coat flew wide
open, to reveal its tattered rose coloured lining, hanging in shreds,
and the crushed and dusty old dress.
“Hadn’t we better go back?” said Rosaleen. “And I’ll come in and sew
your coat for you.”
Anything would be better than to meet him with this companion; better
to lose him forever.
“Oh, no, thank you, my dear. As long as I’ve gone this far, I’ll go the
rest of the way. I’ll fix it in the library.”
So there was no escape possible. Arm in arm with Miss Waters she must
ascend the imposing flight of steps, enter the library, and advance
along the lofty corridors.
She saw him! Sitting on a bench, reading a magazine with a sort of
severe preoccupation. But Rosaleen knew that he had seen them and was
only pretending he hadn’t. They drew nearer and nearer. She was thinking
frantically. Should she speak to him anyway, or was he annoyed at her
for coming with Miss Waters? Or was he simply being tactful, desiring to
avoid embarrassing her with his unsanctioned presence? She couldn’t
decide. They drew nearer and nearer ... they were abreast of him.... She
threw him one anguished glance, but he did not look up from his
magazine.... They passed him, and went into the circulating room.
This was too awful!
“Would you just please ask if they have ‘Some Colonial Chairs’?” she
cried hastily to Miss Waters. “I think I see someone I know....”
And rushed out. But he was no longer sitting on the bench. She caught a
glimpse of him, vanishing round the corner.
She went back to Miss Waters, and had to carry home a huge, heavy volume
which she remembered Miss Amy having had from the library some years
ago.
She got into the bus with it, waved a cheerful good-bye to Miss Waters,
and went off home.
She was lost in an apathy of despair. He had come and he had gone, this
lover for whom she had been waiting for years. In all her solitude, her
restlessness, her great discontent, that had been her great hope; any
day she might meet him, any day it might happen, and her life would
really begin at last.
And now it was over; he was gone, and there was nothing further to
expect. She let herself into the flat—her home—her prison—her grave.
There was a great bolt of white stuff lying folded on the sewing machine
to be made up into respectable and sturdy underclothing for Miss Amy.
After she had taken off her hat and jacket and washed her hands, she sat
down before this work, which she usually attacked with such earnestness,
such professional interest. But her heart failed; she let the scissors
drop idly in her lap; to-day she could not work, to-day she didn’t care.
Her sombre eyes stared straight before her, at the transparency of
moonlit Venice.
“Oh!... If I’d been alone, we’d have taken a walk together ... I’d have
had a chance to be—attractive.... Now, of course, I’ll never see him
again. How can I? I don’t know where he lives.... He’ll never bother
with me any more. Why should he? Of course, he knows lots and lots of
beautiful society girls....”
She sat there, thinking of the charming women he must see every day, and
who must of course all love him. She was sure that he knew dozens of
girls prettier, more accomplished, a hundred times more fascinating than
herself. And yet felt sure that if she had a proper chance, she could
win him, felt that there was some peculiar quality in her which was in
no other living woman.
The afternoon dragged by in a weary and painful waking dream. She
hurried through the preparations for dinner, resentful of anything that
distracted her long reveries. Nothing else held the slightest interest
for her. If she could get him back? If she would ever see him again?
If the beneficent Fate which had brought him to her would still direct
the thing, would help her once again?
They sat at the table, they talked, their usual constrained and formal
talk. Then Miss Amy went out and her brother returned to his room and
his great work—his romance of the time of Nero.
Rosaleen really admired it, without any particular interest in it. And
she felt a very feminine satisfaction that the man in the house had
found for himself an occupation which kept him quiet, and out of the
way. Every evening for years he had shut himself into his room directly
after dinner, to write. He had begun this romance when he had first come
to the city, but he did not progress rapidly, for he had often to
interrupt its course while he studied. His studying consisted in reading
“Quo Vadis” and “Ben Hur” and dozens and dozens of other novels of the
same sort, and making diagrams of their plots, according to a scheme he
had adopted from his well-read manual—“The Road to Authorship.” On
large sheets of paper he drew a wavering curve upward to the Climax,
then down, then perhaps up again two or three times, for all the little
anti-climaxes. Each character had its own wavering line, leading up and
down, crossing or running parallel to the “main theme.” In a big
exercise book he kept an index of the characters he had most admired in
all these novels, with little sketches of their histories, traits, etc.
He now felt altogether familiar with that epoch. He knew just the proper
set of characters for the scene, a Christian slave girl, a gigantic,
faithful and muscular porter, a humourous pariah, and so on, and all
the unfortunate crew of pious and humble folk predestined from the first
chapter for martyrdom. A romantic work, for Mr. Humbert was romantic, in
a masculine way, you must know, about facts, not about people.
He enjoyed this literary work with immeasurable relish. It completely
distracted his mind from his business, from his home, from Life. He
didn’t care much for Life. It was too rough, too complicated, too large.
He was glad also to forget about his sister, whom he dreaded, and
Rosaleen, who worried him by her helplessness. She was a good, kind
girl, but he hadn’t much of an opinion of her. Uninteresting.... Her
only hope lay in marrying a decent, respectable man who would look after
her, and her chance of finding and securing such a man seemed to Mr.
Humbert very remote.
He heard her stirring about in the kitchen, alone in there, washing the
dinner things. He shook his venerable head.
“Poor Rosaleen!” he said, with a sigh.
Rosaleen had, in her long exile, cultivated a demeanour, an expression
which was quite unfathomable by her housemates. She had a sort of meek
and lowly grace, so much the air of the grateful child rescued from
poverty, that it never occurred to them to regard her as anything but
this regulation type. Miss Amy had seen others of the same sort in the
course of her charitable labours. Of course, Rosaleen was grateful, or,
as Miss Amy preferred to put it, appreciative; how could she logically
be anything else? Miss Amy was not aware that in Rosaleen there was no
logic, no reason, and it must be admitted, very little justice. She was
completely composed of feeling. She had a perpetual resentment against
the Humberts which no sense of obligation could assuage. She
passionately preferred her frequently intoxicated and always avaricious
mother; although Miss Amy was undeniably a good woman and her mother was
no more and no less than a human being. Self-interest was absolutely
lacking in Rosaleen. She cared not a whit what you did for her, or could
do for her. She had an inexhaustible fund of devotion, of intense and
absurd affection, but it was not to be bought, it was not even to be
won. She had pity, mercy, compassion beyond measure, but it went only by
favour.
And she had a limitless fortitude. She was not a fighter; she was not
one to struggle for what she desired; her strength was in her terrible
resignation, her fatalistic endurance. She would weep—she was weeping
now—for this probable lover whom she had lost, but there was no
rebellion in her grief. From her very early days she had learned to look
upon life as a sad and ironic affair, from which one could expect
little.
“Ah, that’s the way of the world!” her mother would say, but always of
some disaster.
And it was no doubt the way of the world that this had happened.
When Friday came she didn’t go to Miss Waters’. She had not intended to
tell Miss Amy she wasn’t going, but to her dismay Miss Amy suddenly
returned at noon, and found her playing on the piano, one of the babyish
pieces of her small repertory, taught her by Miss Julie: “The Brownies’
Ball.” Small consolation in that sprightly little tune for a suffering
heart, but it was all the music she could make, and she needed music.
“What are you doing at home?” asked Miss Amy. “Isn’t it your day for
going to Miss Waters’?”
“I don’t feel well,” said Rosaleen. “I have a headache.”
“Then you’d better lie down, instead of sitting drumming on the piano.”
“I feel better when I’m sitting up, Miss Amy.”
“I dare say you’re bilious. Put on your things and go take a good brisk
walk.”
“I don’t feel a bit like taking a walk!” Rosaleen protested, but in
vain.
“All the more reason for going!” said Miss Amy. “That sluggishness is a
symptom. Run along now!”
She stood by grimly while the miserable and reluctant girl got ready and
went out. Then she went into the kitchen for a glass of water, and she
saw hanging up on a rack one of her blouses, beautifully laundered that
morning by the child who said she had a headache. It hung before her,
soft, lustrous, every little gather in place, the collar so crisp and
smooth, the embroidery standing out in fine relief. It looked like....
Did it look like a reproach?
Saturday followed, a busy day, devoted to house-cleaning. Rosaleen swept
and dusted and cleaned, took down curtains, beat rugs and sofa cushions,
and baked a cake, all according to custom. And Sunday, too, passed as it
always did. They all went to church in the morning, and spent the
afternoon in dignified drowsiness. Even Rosaleen was affected; she sat
in the front room with them, reading a book, but near the window, so
that from time to time, when there was an interesting sound of
footsteps or voices, she could look out into the street. So many couples
going by, arm in arm....
On Monday she was quite ready to go to Miss Waters’ again. Art had lost
its charm, to be sure, but it was something after all. Very little
compared to Love, but a great deal when compared to solitary
confinement.
She went into the studio and sat down before her still unfinished
landscape, opened her paint box, and tried to begin her work.
“Is that you, Rosaleen?” called a cheerful voice from the bedroom.
“Yes, Miss Waters.”
“You naughty girl!”
“I know it.... I’m sorry I didn’t come down on Friday. But....”
“My dear! I was young once myself! I don’t blame you, not the least bit
in the world. I don’t blame you for forgetting all about work! He’s
perfectly charming!”
“Who!” cried Rosaleen.
“Oh, I know all about it!” said Miss Waters archly. “That nice young man
of yours. You know that day we went to the library together? Well.... He
came tearing after me as I was walking down Fifth Avenue, and he asked
me if you’d gone home.... The most beautiful manners, my dear!... A
real Southern gentleman!... He was so disappointed when he found you’d
gone. He said he’d seen us go in, and he was waiting for us to come
out. And he walked all the way down here with me, talking about you
all the time. And I said why didn’t he go to call on you? And he said he
would—that very evening.”
“Oh!... Miss Waters!”
The desperation in her voice startled the European Art Teacher. She came
out of her bedroom, still fastening the crooked little “vestee” of her
brown dress.
“Did you miss him?” she asked, anxiously.
“He never came!”
“That’s queer! He said he would.... He sat down and talked—the longest
time.... No one could have been nicer.... He asked all sorts of
questions about you.”
“Well, what did you tell him?” cried Rosaleen. “He never came!”
Miss Waters sat down and thought, with a deep frown.
“My dear, it couldn’t have been anything I said. Not possibly. I didn’t
speak of you except as an artist. I said how talented you were. And what
a lovely disposition you had. Nothing else at all.”
No one could have better appreciated the situation than Miss Waters, no
one could have better understood the need for the most extreme care and
caution in dealing with men. The poor defrauded creature was convinced
that at least three of the sentimental “disappointments” of her past had
come from trifling mistakes she had made, minute errors of judgment
which had frightened away the elusive and fastidious male. Her eyes
filled with tears.
“My dear!” she said. “I hope there’s no misunderstanding! So many young
people have had their lives absolutely wrecked and ruined by
misunderstandings.”
Rosaleen shook her head.
“No,” she said. “There isn’t any misunderstanding. There couldn’t be....
But I don’t understand it.”
She picked up her brushes and began to paint, and Miss Waters, to keep
her company, sat down before her easel, to put the finishing touches to
a copy she was making of one of her earlier works—“The School,” she had
called it, five puppies and five kittens, some in dunces’ caps, some
wearing spectacles. She was aware that she could no longer conceive and
execute such paintings now, she had to be satisfied with imitations of
her past virtuosity.
Absorbed in their dismal reflections, they scarcely noticed the flight
of time. Miss Waters looked up startled when the clock struck one.
“One o’clock!” she observed. “I never imagined! Rosaleen, you must
stay and have lunch with me!”
Rosaleen had nothing on earth to go home for, so she agreed, and the
hospitable Miss Waters rushed out to the French delicatessen nearby,
where she could buy curious and economical things.
And whom should she see on the corner but that young man, standing there
patiently! She came up behind him, cautiously as a hunter stalking a
deer, and touched him on the arm.
“Well!” she cried, in pretended surprise. “Mr. Landry!”
She knew that he was waiting for Rosaleen, but she knew also that he
wouldn’t like her to know that. Oh, she did understand something of men!
She knew that his pride must be saved at any cost. So, when she saw a
bus drawing near, she pretended to believe that he was about to get into
it, and entreated him not to.
“Oh, don’t get in!” she cried. “I wish you’d just stop in at my studio
and have a little lunch with Rosaleen and me. You’re not in too much of
a hurry, are you?”
He smiled down at the dishevelled and anxious creature with streaming
white hair—like a witch, he thought. He was pleased that she thought
he had been waiting for the bus, and he was very glad that neither she
nor anyone else knew that he had waited there on that corner on Friday
as well, remembering what he had been told were the days and hours of
Rosaleen’s lessons. And he was delighted that he could see Rosaleen and
pretend that it was accidental. He was surprised and a little ashamed at
his own longing to see her, by this feeling which he could not deny or
resist, for a girl of whom he knew nothing.
“I’d be very pleased,” he said. And turned and walked down the street,
with Miss Waters hanging on his arm, both pockets of her famous fur coat
bulging with delicatessen.
“How is your work coming on?” he asked Miss Waters. “‘The School?’ The
one you showed me?”
“Oh!” she cried, archly, delighted at his remembering. “The idea! I
haven’t done much more on it since then. However, I’ll show you.”
She led him down the hall, and at the door of her flat turned, with a
finger at her lips.
“Surprise her!” she whispered.
Landry followed her to the studio and stood obediently quiet on the
threshold, to contemplate his unconscious Rosaleen. And became lost,
absorbed in looking at her.
She seemed so much younger, like a school girl, in her sailor blouse,
with her fair, untidy hair and her serious preoccupation with her work.
How dear she was! How innocent and fine and lovely!
“Rosaleen!” called Miss Waters, in a voice trembling with excitement.
Rosaleen glanced up, to meet the serious and unsmiling regard of her
hero.
They were both confused, embarrassed, almost alarmed; their eyes met in
a glance singularly bold and significant, belying their formal smiles,
their casual words.
“I missed you the other day,” said Landry.
“I know ... I was sorry ... I had to hurry home....”
He crossed the room and stood beside her, looking down at her drawing.
“It’s very pretty,” he said, with constraint. “What is it for?”
“Oh!... Just a picture!”
Miss Waters had been watching them like a stage director.
“Sit down, Mr. Landry!” she said.
“I don’t like to interrupt Miss Humbert’s work....”
“Nonsense! She’s a very good pupil, you know, and she can afford to take
a little holiday, now and then. And you’re going to stay and have a
little lunch with us, aren’t you?”
He yielded, because he hadn’t the heart to do as he wished—to ask
Rosaleen out to lunch and leave the poor old creature behind.
“I’ll have something nice and tasty ready in a jiffy!” she cried.
“Rosaleen, you entertain Mr. Landry!”
They were left alone, Landry standing beside Rosaleen, both of them
speechless. He looked stealthily down at her, at her light hair, at the
soft colour in her cheeks, at her pretty childish throat rising from the
open neck of her sailor blouse. And he bent down and kissed her cheek.
She didn’t look up; she bent lower over her work.
“Rosaleen!” he said. “You darling!”
“I’m awfully glad to see you!” she murmured. “I thought....”
“What did you think?”
“I thought—perhaps I shouldn’t ever see you again.”
“I had to come,” he said, truthfully, “I couldn’t help it.”
And fell silent, startled by his own words, by his own course of
conduct, so altogether different from what he had planned. He had
particularly wished to avoid seeing Rosaleen alone. He had certainly
not expected to kiss her, or to want to kiss her. He walked across the
room and pretended to be looking at Miss Waters’ picture. He was ashamed
of himself; he had no business to kiss her; it was dishonourable and
unkind. He stole a glance at her, and saw her, still bending over her
work, but with flaming cheeks and a hand that trembled. He couldn’t bear
that! He strode over to her.
“I’m sorry!” he cried.
Of course she didn’t answer; he didn’t expect her to.
“Please let me come to see you!” he went on. “I want to know you
better.... I’ll tell you all about myself....”
“Oh, no!” she cried. “I can’t! Really I can’t! I can’t have anyone! I’m
sorry, but—I can’t!”
“But—can’t I see you again, then? Don’t you—won’t you let me...?”
“Yes, I do want to see you,” she answered candidly. “Only—not at home.
Can’t we meet somewhere?”
“But don’t you see?” he said with an earnest scowl. “It—it isn’t the
thing. If you’ll let me come to your house, and—more or less explain
myself, it makes everything quite different. If I could see your
parents....”
“I—they aren’t my parents. It’s—an uncle.... But—what could I tell
them, anyway? If I said I’d met you like that, on the bus——”
“I quite understand that. But you could say that you’d met me here at
Miss Waters’. You have, you know. It would be true.”
“No!” she protested, with such vehemence that he was startled. “I can’t
let you come. I’ll meet you somewhere——”
“Look here!” he said, severely. “You can’t—it’s not the thing for a
girl like you to be meeting a man on street corners, like a servant
girl.”
Her face grew scarlet.
“Very well!” she cried. “You needn’t see me at all then!”
He retreated instantly before her wrath.
“All right!” he said, hastily. “I will meet you—anywhere you like.”
“Oh, no you won’t!... I’m not going to....” A sudden loud sob
interrupted her. “ ... not—like—a servant girl....”
He was horrified at the sight of tears in her eyes.
“I didn’t mean that!” he cried. “Please don’t! Please don’t! I think
you—you’re perfect!”
And before he knew it, his arm was about her shoulder, and her head
pressed against his chest, a clumsy, a boyish embrace.
“Don’t cry, darling!” he entreated.
She remained motionless. And with a respectful hand he touched her hair.
“Please meet me!” he said.
“In the library—on Wednesday—at four.”
She didn’t ask; she commanded. And he submitted.
Miss Waters entered with the lunch on a tray, and young Landry sprang to
assist her. He was, Rosaleen observed, remarkably nice and tactful with
Miss Waters. He ate what she had provided and praised it. Afterward she
brought out a white china flower pot half filled with moist, bent
cigarettes, and offered him one; took one herself, too, though it caused
her to cough horribly and would very likely make her sick. However, it
gave a European touch. She was enchanted with the atmosphere, to find
herself nonchalantly smoking cigarettes in a studio in the company of a
young and attractive man.
She had a rhapsody of praise for him after he had gone, and Rosaleen
listened to it with delight. Then she too went home. She was proud,
triumphant, exultant. But it was a most perilous joy; she dared not
examine it. Those words haunted her. She mustn’t meet him on street
corners—like a servant girl.
She was dusting the top of Mr. Humbert’s desk.
“What else am I?” she asked herself, with terrible bitterness. “They
talk about my ‘advantages,’ and my being a ‘member of the household’....
But what am I really?”
She flung down the cloth.
“Oh, what’s the use!” she cried. “It might just as well end now, better
end now—than after he finds out.”
Rosaleen’s great mistake lay in not telling him then. Because at this
time he wouldn’t have cared. At this moment she was still a romantic and
thrilling figure, not yet quite flesh and blood, still without flaw or
fault. Her pitiful history would only have enslaved him more completely.
And as he grew to know her better, he would have known her with this
fact, this history in his mind. Whereas, on the contrary, he was
beginning to love a girl who did not exist.
He saw her transcendent kindness, her absolute lack of egoism, her rare
and lovely spirit, but he called it and he thought of it as ladylike
delicacy. It was her soul; he thought it was her manners.
He walked all the way home, reflecting upon her, lost in a revery half
troubled, half delightful. A sweet, a wonderful girl—but obstinate. And
obstinacy he did not like. He was the most outrageous young tyrant who
ever lived. He ruled everyone, he always had ruled everyone. His mother
had never thwarted him, his sister had never rebelled; whatever friends
he had selected in school and college had followed his lead with
satisfactory submissiveness. He had the qualities of a leader; the
immense self-assurance, the severe determination to get his own way, and
he had that magic idea in his mind, which subtly communicates itself and
changes the very atmosphere, which enthralls all minds more sensitive
and therefore less positive—that idea of his own superiority. He came
of an old Carolina family, and he believed himself to be better born
than anyone about him; he had been successful in his studies, and he
believed himself to be cleverer than anyone about him. Appearance didn’t
trouble him; he didn’t think himself handsome, and he didn’t care. He
knew very well that he was attractive, and that people liked him. Even
the fact of being poor didn’t bother him. He wouldn’t stay so.
So, lordly and thoughtful, in his shabby overcoat and his worn shoes, he
mounted the steps of the imposing house in which he was living—his
aunt’s house. She had begged him to live there until he was “settled.”
He had consented; he didn’t feel under obligations; he thought it was
nice of her, but her duty. He would have been glad, in her place, to
help a young Landry to get on his feet.
A respectful Negro butler opened the door, and he entered and went up to
his own room—a handsome and well-furnished room, with bureaus and
wardrobe and chest of drawers all lamentably empty. In the huge closet
hung only a decent suit of evening clothes and some white flannel
trousers, and in two of the bureau drawers lay piles of shirts and
underwear which his aunt herself mended and mended. She wouldn’t have so
much as suggested replenishing his stock; he would have felt himself
grossly insulted.
He had left his beloved mother and sister in Charleston, where they were
living with difficulty on a very small pension, and he took from them
only an incredibly small sum, enough for carfares and that sort of
thing, until he could be earning something. But though waiting was hard
for them and hard for him, he would not be hurried. Until he could find
a place which seemed to him advantageous, he would take nothing. He knew
what he was about. Now was his chance, and perhaps his only chance, to
look about him. He intended to make a good start, to go into a business
in which he could stop. Let him only see an opportunity; he asked no
more.
This evening his plan for the future was changed and enlarged. It
contained, as always, lavish provision for his mother and sister, but it
included Rosaleen. In the course of the next few years he was going to
marry her.
He had, however, too much sense to mention anything of this, to hint at
the existence of a Rosaleen, in that household. It wouldn’t be gallant.
He was supposed to admire his cousin Caroline; not to the point of
compromising himself; everyone knew he wasn’t in love with her. But
while living there and seeing her every day, it wouldn’t, he felt, be
polite to fall openly in love with someone else.
His aunt was a woman whom he thoroughly admired. Possessed of a gracious
and charming worldliness, she had nevertheless the most severe morals,
the most rigid code. She didn’t like New York or its people; she was
shocked at almost everything; she said the women weren’t ladies and the
men weren’t chivalrous; that the people altogether were vulgar and
“fast.” But, she said, she was obliged to live there for the sake of
Caroline’s studies. It wasn’t really quite that; however, her intention
was natural and praiseworthy, and she did her best to accomplish her
unspoken ambition for her child.
Nick Landry enjoyed living there. It was a well-appointed and
well-managed home, with an air of perpetual festivity. There were always
young men about, and theatre parties and dinner parties and little
dances—all the charmed atmosphere of a home with a young girl in it.
Mrs. Allanby had known how to make the place agreeable, even fascinating
for young men. That was her part; to provide Caroline with a matchless
setting. To see Caroline sitting at the piano, under a lamp with a shade
of artfully selected tint, charmingly dressed, and singing in a voice a
bit colourless but so well bred; to know that there would be punch—not
too much of it, for Mrs. Allanby was vigilant,—sandwiches and cakes
such as no one else ever had; and an air of flattering attention, an
enveloping hospitality—wasn’t that a deadly snare? And Nick was the
privileged guest, the man of the house. Of course he liked it!
So that evening while he sat there listening to Caroline sing, and
thinking all the time of Rosaleen, he felt almost treacherous. And just
a little proud of his well-concealed secret. He felt that his dark face
was inscrutable....
Perhaps, he thought, at that very instant, Rosaleen too was sitting at
the piano in her home.
It was one of Nick’s old-fashioned ideas—that a man must always be the
first to appear at a tryst, must unfailingly be found waiting by the
beloved woman when she arrived. He had made a point of being at least
fifteen minutes in advance of the appointed time, so that Rosaleen
should see him there, in chivalrous if somewhat irritable patience. He
was always ready to wait for a woman, to defer to her, to serve her; he
believed it to be his duty as a gentleman; and yet so fierce and haughty
was his spirit that he was never without an inward resentment.
He was waiting for her now in the corridor of the Fifth Avenue library.
It was a wet October afternoon; he sat on a stone bench with his coat
collar still turned up, the brim of his hat still turned down, just as
he had come in from the street. He hadn’t even taken off his tan gloves,
soaked black by the rain; he didn’t care how he looked, and he knew
Rosaleen wouldn’t care either. He had certainly not the look of an
expectant lover, this lean and shabby young man with his haughty glance,
his ready-made overcoat too large for him, his big rubber overshoes over
old and shapeless boots. And yet more than one girl stole a glance at
him.
Quarter of an hour late! He only wished that he could smoke. He was
beginning to feel chilly, too, and terribly depressed. Wet people going
past him and past him, some alone, some in couples, treading and talking
quietly. He regarded them with morose interest. All of them after
books!... Hadn’t he too tried to live that way, vicariously, through
books? All very well as a substitute; but there came back to him now,
very vividly, the bitter restlessness, the torment that would seize him
when he read of some enchanting foreign land, of fierce and desperate
adventures. Of course he knew that his life wouldn’t be, and couldn’t
be, at all like any other life ever lived in this world; and yet, in
spite of his faith in his own destiny, he fretted so, he chafed so at
these slow years, these hours so wasted. What was the matter? Why didn’t
life begin?
He was pleased enough with this romance with Rosaleen. This was quite as
good as anything in books. Only, to be really perfect, love should have
been mixed up with peril, with terror, with gallant rescues. It should
have been a drama, and it was nothing but an emotion. He was still so
young that he could not imagine death; it seemed to him inevitable that
he should live and that Rosaleen should live, until they were
old—granted, of course, the absurd premise that young people really
do become old. He saw no shadow over life, no fear of change or loss.
He stirred uneasily. Twenty minutes late! This was abusing her feminine
privilege! Doubly unfortunate, too, because he had come prepared to
remonstrate with Rosaleen, and the longer she kept him waiting, the
chillier and damper he grew, the more severe would the remonstrance be.
At last he saw her coming, and her sweetness almost disarmed him. And
then made him even more severe. A girl like that, to be meeting a man
about in public places! A girl so pretty, so charming, that people
stared at her.... The damp air and her haste had given her a lovely
colour, and as she hurried toward him, he found for her a pitifully
time-worn simile which nevertheless struck him as startlingly novel and
true—she was like a wild rose.
She had very little “style”; her clothes were rather cheap, he observed.
But she was superlatively ladylike, refined, modest. He wouldn’t have
had anything changed, from her sturdy little boots to her plain dark
hat.
He rose and came toward her, hat in hand, and for a moment they looked
at each other, speechlessly.
“Suppose we have tea?” he said, at last. “There’s a nice place near here
where they have very good waffles.”
“I’m not a bit hungry,” said Rosaleen.
Nick was. He had gone without lunch in order to have enough money for
tea.
“You ought to be, at your age,” he said.
“It isn’t age that makes you hungry,” said Rosaleen. “It’s what you’ve
had for lunch.”
Nick said no more, but took her by the arm. And was surprised and
shocked to feel how fragile an arm it was. He determined that she should
eat a great deal.
He stopped near the door to reclaim their umbrellas, and they went out
together into the chilly and misty twilight. The crowds on Fifth Avenue
jostled them, but Nick, tall and grim, held his umbrella high over
Rosaleen’s head, and led her to the quiet little tea room he had
selected.
“Now, then!” he said, when they were seated opposite each other at a
small table, and tea and waffles and honey had been ordered. And he
began.
He told her first of all what was expected of a young girl:
By the world in general.
By men.
By himself.
He told her how easy it was to be misjudged.
And how serious.
Then he told her how he particularly didn’t want her to be misjudged.
“You must let me come to see you in your own home!” he said. “You’re
so young that you don’t realize how indiscreet and—how dangerous it is
to be meeting a strange man this way. You don’t know anything about me.
And you ought to. I want you to. There isn’t anything I want to—to
conceal. I want you to know me and all about me. And I want to know all
about you.”
Once more he was horribly disturbed at seeing her eyes fill with tears.
He leaned across the table.
“Look here!” he assured her. “Please! Don’t care! Don’t imagine
that—if there’s anything you think I might....”
He didn’t know how to proceed. He stopped a moment, frowning, to arrange
his ideas.
“I don’t care where you live, or how you live, or what your people
are,” he said. “It can’t make any difference to me. It’s only for your
sake. I wish you’d believe me. It’s only because it’s not fair to you to
go on meeting you like this. Because I mean to go on. I’m going to see
you. And I want it to be in your home. Please let me, Rosaleen.”
It was the first time he had used her name.
“Please let me!” he entreated.
She gave up. She told him yes, to-morrow evening; for Miss Amy would not
be home then.
It was a nice, respectable house in a quiet street below Morningside
Park. He was agreeably surprised at its respectability, for he had
scented a mystery in Rosaleen’s reluctance to have him come—great
poverty, perhaps, or a disreputable relative. He went into the
vestibule, and looked for the bell. There it was—Humbert—; he rang;
the door clicked, and he entered. An old-fashioned house, the carpeted
halls were dark and stuffy; he climbed up and up, and on the fourth
landing there stood Rosaleen.
She was very pale, and the hand she held out to him was cold as ice. An
altogether unfamiliar Rosaleen, silent, even, it struck him, a
desperate girl. She led him into the dining room.
“Excuse me just a moment!” she said. “I’ll tell—my uncle—you’re here.”
And vanished, leaving him alone. He looked about him with interest,
because it was Rosaleen’s home. And he was sorry that it was such a
stuffy and unlovely one. He was used to large rooms and fine old
furniture, to a sort of dignity and fineness in living. This dining
room, with its swarm of decorations, the crowded pictures, the scrawny
plants, the flimsy and ugly varnished furniture, the sewing machine,
the dark red paper on the walls, distressed him. He sat down on one of
the straight chairs against the wall to wait, trying to imagine his fair
Rosaleen in this setting.
In the meantime Rosaleen had hurried to knock at the door of Mr.
Humbert’s room.
“Mr. Morton!” she murmured. “Here’s a young man—a—a friend of Miss
Waters.... Would you like to come out and see him?”
“Presently,” the dignified voice replied, and Rosaleen hastened back.
“He’ll be in presently,” she repeated to Nick, as she returned. He had
risen when she entered, and once more he took her hand. Her nervousness,
her distress, filled him with pity.
“Isn’t there anyone else? Do you live all alone with your uncle?”
“Oh, no! There’s ... there’s—a—cousin.... But she’s out.... Won’t you
sit down?”
When he had done so, she fetched him a book from a little table.
“Would you like to look at some views?” she asked.
“No,” said Nick, smiling. “I wouldn’t.”
“Would you like to play cards?”
“No! I’d rather talk to you!”
She sat down on the edge of the couch—that couch covered with green
corduroy, with nine sofa cushions of the most frightful sort.
Now Nick unconsciously expected a girl to do the talking, and the
pleasing and the entertaining. Gallant responses were his part. So he
waited, but quite in vain, for Rosaleen had no tradition of
entertaining, and no experience. Never before had she sat in that room
with a young man.
“Have you any of your work here?” he asked, at last, in despair.
“Just those!” she answered, pointing to the transparencies. “There isn’t
any place for me to draw here.”
“Very pretty!” said Nick. “Are you going to be a professional artist?”
“I hope so. It takes years, though.”
She was silent for a moment; then she went on, dejectedly:
“Sometimes I think I never will succeed. I don’t seem to improve. And I
love it so——”
“Don’t take it so seriously.”
“I have to. I’ve got to earn a living by it.”
“I don’t believe you’ll ever have to earn your living,” said Nick. “Not
a girl as—lovely as you.”
She blushed painfully, even her neck grew scarlet. And he felt his own
face grow hot.
“I...” he began. “There are sure to be plenty of men who’ll want to do
that for you.”
There was a distressing silence. He found it very hard to keep from
saying:
“I will! I’m going to work for you, and get you everything in the
world you want, darling wild rose!”
And to divert his mind from this dangerous thought, he rose and picked
up the book she had had in her hand.
“Are these the ‘views’?” he asked. “Looks very interesting.... Won’t you
show them to me?”
And he sat down beside her on the couch. He really didn’t think it a
particularly significant or daring thing to do; he had sat beside a
great many other girls; he was neither impudent nor presumptuous, and no
one ever had objected or seemed at all disturbed. So that he was
surprised at Rosaleen’s agitation. He didn’t know how formidable he was
to her; how mysterious, how irresistible. Her hands shook as she took
the book of views and opened it.
But, before she had spoken a single word, the sound of a footstep in the
hall made her jump up and seat herself in a nearby chair with her book,
and none too soon, for the curtains parted and a venerable, grey-bearded
old gentleman looked in.
“Won’t you come in?” said Rosaleen, while Nick got up.
The old gentleman advanced and held out his hand to Nick with a
scholarly sort of smile.
“Good evening, sir!” he said. “I was sorry not to have welcomed you
with somewhat greater cordiality when you first came in, but I was hard
at my work.”
“Not at all!” Nick murmured.
“And that sort of work makes its demands, I can tell you! They who know
not speak lightly of ‘writing,’ as of a pleasant diversion; but we
initiated ones...! The evening is the only time that I can confidently
claim as my own, so you will understand that I dare not waste a moment
of the Muse’s presence.”
Which, considering that the poor old chap had acquired all his
scholarship alone and unaided, and after he was more or less mature, was
a creditable speech. But young Landry, not knowing the circumstances,
was not impressed. He said, “Certainly!”
“I suppose Rosaleen has told you something of my literary labours?” he
enquired, “A romance of the time of Nero. A poor thing, I dare say, but
mine own. And, whether or not it takes the public fancy, it has at
least served to beguile many weary hours for its creator.”
This was out of his preface; a bit he was very fond of.
“I don’t know whether you are a student of history, sir,” the old
gentleman went on. “But if the subject interests you at all, I have some
exceedingly interesting pictures—views of the Holy Land, which I should
be very pleased to show you.”
“Thank you very much,” said Nick. “I should like to see them—some time.
But I’m afraid I can’t wait now....”
The scholar shook his head.
“My dear sir,” he said, smiling. “I certainly did not propose to begin
so extensive an undertaking at the present hour. It would take you half
a day to assimilate the material I have on hand. I thought only to
introduce you to the subject, to give you—as one might say—a glimpse
of the glories to come.”
He crossed the room and picked up the very book Rosaleen had laid down.
“This is our starting point,” he said. “It is from this quaint little
old world village that my very dear friend, the Reverend Nathan Peters,
set out on his remarkable trip. The record of that trip may be found in
his book ‘Following the Old Trail.’ The written record, that is. The
pictorial record—which I think I may venture to call the most uniquely
interesting and fascinating thing of its sort now in existence—he
entrusted to me, and it forms the basis of this collection of
photographs, original drawings, and paintings.”
Nick could not get away. He was obliged once more to seat himself on the
sofa, this time beside a bearded old gentleman, and to look and listen
for an interminable time. He had to watch desperately for a moment to
escape, and he had to go without a word to Rosaleen, except a formal
“good-evening.” The uncle accompanied him to the front door, even to the
top of the stairs, to invite him cordially to come again.
Outside in the street he stopped to light a cigarette. And to sigh with
relief. What an evening!
And still was happy, very happy, because Rosaleen was so respectable.
From the midst of entrancing dreams Rosaleen was awakened the next
morning by a most unwelcome voice, and she opened her eyes to find Miss
Amy sitting on the edge of her bed. She had been asleep when Miss Amy
came in the night before, but she had never expected, never even hoped
that she would be able to avoid a dreadful cross-examination. And here
it was beginning.
“Mr. Morton tells me you had a young man in here last evening,” she was
saying. “I should like you to explain it. Who was he?”
Rosaleen, terribly at a disadvantage, thus lying flat in bed,
dishevelled and surprised, answered that he was a friend of Miss Waters.
“Why did he come here?”
“I—he said he wanted to call....”
“And you gave him this permission without consulting me?”
“I didn’t think you’d mind——”
“I do mind, Rosaleen. I mind very much. It was something you had no
right to do.”
“I won’t again,” said Rosaleen.
“I should hope not. Who was he?”
“A friend of Miss Waters.”
“What was his name?”
“Mr. Landry.”
“What is he? What does he do? Where does he live?”
“I don’t know.”
Miss Amy got up.
“I shall telephone to Miss Waters and ask her.”
“No!” said Rosaleen. “Don’t! Please!... I’ll never let him come
again....”
“That makes no difference. It’s my duty to know what sort of young men
you’re asking into this house. I shall certainly ask Miss Waters for a
little further information.”
“She won’t know!” cried Rosaleen. “He—she doesn’t know him very
well.... He just happened to drop in at her studio one day....”
“Why?”
“To see about a picture....”
“Is he an artist?”
“I—don’t think so.”
“How often have you seen him?”
“Oh!... I don’t know—exactly....”
She sat up suddenly.
“Won’t it satisfy you if I never have him here again?” she cried. “Or
anybody else, ever?”
“No. I want you to have him here again. I want to see him.”
Rosaleen looked at that impassive wolfish face, at those black eyes
scrutinizing her behind their eyeglasses, and a profound distrust came
over her. In that instant, for the first time, she questioned the
motives of her benefactress; she doubted her goodness. Instead of duty
in her glance, she saw malice. Never, never, if she could possibly help
it, should Miss Amy and Nick Landry come face to face.
She relapsed into what Miss Amy called a “sullen silence,” but which was
in reality only a desperate silence. There sat that woman on her bed,
formulating God knows what plans against her. She was so helpless! She
lay back on her pillow, as if she were bound hand and foot, her soft
hair spread about her, her face stony with despair, the very picture of
a maiden victim.
“I am sorry you forgot yourself to such an extent,” observed Miss Amy,
and rose. “Get up now and dress; it’s late.”
Rosaleen sprang out of bed.
“What can I possibly tell him?” she cried to herself. “He’ll want to
come again, of course.... What can I tell him?”
She looked for him at Miss Waters’ studio the next afternoon, looked for
him with vehement longing. She was in such terror that he would go to
the flat again and be met there by Miss Amy. If she had known where he
lived, she would have written to him, to entreat him not to do so. But
that course blocked, she could do nothing but hope and hope that he
would instead come to the studio, where she could tell him.... She
didn’t care what she told him, what monstrous thing she invented, if
only she kept him away.
He didn’t come. She flagrantly neglected her work. Leaning back against
the wall, arms clasped behind her head, she gossiped with Miss Waters.
And Miss Waters, stifling a feeling of guilt at thus not earning her
money, gave herself without restraint to this illicit, this joyful
chatter. For Rosaleen was joyful, in spite of her great anxiety, her
dread of losing her Nicholas. Even if she lost him now, she would have
the happiness of knowing that one man at least had looked upon her with
tenderness and delight.
Miss Waters talked about Brussels and Paris, of course, and to-day, with
new boldness, began to speak of Love. Hitherto she had never mentioned
this topic, but now that Rosaleen had a young man, she felt she might
consider her altogether mature, initiated, so to speak. So she told a
long and thrilling story of an artist—a very poor young artist—who had
fallen in love with a wealthy young girl of good family. And how cruel
she was to him. It was difficult to understand why they had so eagerly
desired these meetings which Miss Waters feelingly described, for
apparently she had come to the rendezvous only to be cruel, and he only
to weep and to suffer. By and by she had married a distinguished man,
and the young artist began, with true French propriety, to die of
consumption. Then the lady, not to be outdone, began to suffer too; the
anguish of remorse. She compromised her name by visiting his studio as
he lay dying, and her life was ruined. It was awfully long, but to Miss
Waters intensely interesting, because she had actually seen the people
with her own eyes.
A little earlier than usual Rosaleen went home, to find Miss Amy there,
reading, and coldly suspicious.
“She thinks I’ve met him,” she thought. “Don’t I wish I had!”
A joyful sense of her own freedom came over her; no one could really
stop her, no one could restrain her. She would see him! All the
suspicious, middle-aged spinsters on earth couldn’t stop her! She was
more subtle, more daring, she was stronger than Miss Amy!
And yet she passed the evening in dread—terrified that she might hear
the door bell ring, and that it might be Nick.
It was the custom in their household for Mr. Humbert when he went down
stairs every morning, to look in the mail box, and if there were
anything of interest there, to ring the bell three times, as a signal
for Rosaleen to come running down. If there were nothing but cards from
laundries and carpet cleaners, and so on, he didn’t ring.
But on the next morning, to the astonishment of Rosaleen, he came back,
up the four flights of stairs again, with the mail in his hand. And
without a word, gave it to his sister. She showed no surprise; it was
evidently prearranged between them.
Rosaleen stood by, waiting. But Mr. Humbert turned away and the door was
closed after him. And Miss Amy walked off to her own room with the
letters.
Rosaleen, left alone in the dark passage, clenched her hands. She knew,
she was certain that one of those letters was for her. But dared not
ask. She thought that she might be able to steal it; she waited for a
chance to enter Miss Amy’s room, and there in the waste paper basket she
saw the torn fragments of an envelope. With her meek air she went about
her work; Miss Amy really fancied that she suspected nothing. But the
moment Miss Amy had gone out to market, she ran into the room and
emptied the waste paper basket on to the floor, and, on her hands and
knees, began to piece the envelope together. It was! Miss Rosaleen
Humbert! But there was not a trace of the letter which must have been in
it.
A dreadful resentment possessed her. She hated Miss Amy. As she sat
sewing through the interminable evening, her anger almost stifled her.
This woman had cheated and defrauded her. She had stolen her very life!
And she was absolutely at her mercy, absolutely helpless. She couldn’t
even explain to Nick. He would think of course that she had got his
letter; he would see that she didn’t answer it. Perhaps he had suggested
another meeting, perhaps he would go to wait for her somewhere, wait and
wait, in vain....
That thought made her desperate. She thought for a moment of boldly
confronting Miss Amy, but she very soon relinquished the idea. It
couldn’t do any good, and it might do harm. No! She would have to try
some other way.
The lamplight shone on her smooth head, bent over her work, her profile
turned to Miss Amy had the guileless sweetness and carelessness of a
child.... And Miss Amy was consumed with anger—an anger a hundred times
fiercer than Rosaleen’s. She pretended to be reading, but the hands that
held the magazine trembled, and she never turned a page. Rage, scorn, a
hatred which she could not comprehend, filled her at the sight of this
false maiden, this treacherous creature who dared stretch out her hand
after the thing which life had withheld from the older woman. And
suddenly, with shocking coldness, she burst forth:
“Did you tell that man I was your cousin?”
Rosaleen looked up, pale with fright. She waited a moment.
“I said—I only said—a sort of cousin....”
“You let him think that you—were something that you are not?”
She was silent.
“When he came here, did he know your position in this household?”
“Not exactly....”
Miss Amy smiled.
“I thought not. Now, Rosaleen, I want you to listen to me. I knew this
would happen. I warned poor dear Miss Julie of it. I told her that
when you were grown, these—complications were sure to occur. I could
see that you were going to be that sort of a girl, frivolous and
silly—misled by flattery.” She had to stop for a moment, to choke down
the words on the tip of her tongue, terms of contempt for Rosaleen which
common sense told her had not yet been deserved. Then she went on:
“I shan’t try to prevent you from seeing—young men. It’s none of my
business. But I won’t have any deceit about it. Anyone who’s interested
in you has a right to know who you are and what you are.”
With a mighty effort Rosaleen concealed every trace of emotion. She
looked up with an impatient sigh.
“But, Miss Amy, I can’t be telling all about myself to everyone I meet.
I don’t expect to see him—that man—again. I just didn’t bother.”
“That’s not true!” said Miss Amy. “I may as well tell you that a letter
came from him this morning, in which he mentioned that you
‘unfortunately had no chance to arrange another meeting.’ Now I want you
to tell me all about this affair.”
“Nothing to tell!” said Rosaleen, airily. “I met him, and he asked if he
could come to see me, and I said yes. I’m sorry I did it. I never will
again.”
Miss Amy took up the magazine again. Intolerable to sit in the room with
this girl! She wished she had the courage to send her to the kitchen
where she belonged.
The clock struck nine and Rosaleen got up.
“I think I’ll go to bed,” she said. “Good-night, Miss Amy!”
Miss Amy answered without looking up.
But when Rosaleen had got into bed and turned out the light, she entered
her room without knocking, with that calm authority that at once
intimidated and enraged the young girl. And sat down heavily on the cot,
making it creak.
“Rosaleen,” she said. “As long as you can’t be trusted to act honourably
of your own accord, I shall have to do so for you. I am going to write
to the young man and tell him your history.”
Rosaleen gave a little shriek.
“Oh, no!” she cried. “Oh no! You couldn’t be so cruel and horrible!”
Miss Amy was a little alarmed at the emotion she had aroused. She
hesitated.
“Then will you tell him yourself?”
“Yes!” Rosaleen said. “Yes! I will!”
Miss Amy sat there, a dim bulk in the darkness.
“I shall write to him,” she said slowly, “and ask him to come here, and
you can tell him. Tell him what you should have told him in the
beginning.”
The next morning when Rosaleen was dressed and ready to go out, Miss Amy
handed her a letter.
“You may see it, if you like,” she said.
But what Rosaleen looked at was the address; one glance stamped it on
her mind.
When Landry came down to breakfast the next morning there were two
letters lying by his plate. He concealed his great anxiety to open them;
he sat down and asked his aunt how she had passed the night. She made a
point of coming down to take breakfast with him, although it was rather
hard for her to be about so early. But she adored the boy, and his
affectionate politeness more than compensated her.
She said thank you, she had slept very well.
“Do you mind?” said Nicholas, picking up his letters.
“Of cou’se not!” she answered, and he opened the first.
Miss Amy Humbert would be pleased to see him on Wednesday evening
between eight and nine. The old fashioned formality made him smile, but
it pleased him, it pleased him very much. It was one step nearer to his
Rosaleen. Then he opened the other.
His aunt noticed that he had stopped eating. He sat staring at his
plate, lost in thought, frowning. Then he looked up stealthily at her,
and she endured his critical regard with calmness. And he evidently
decided at last that she was to be trusted, for he got up and brought
his two letters to her.
She read the invitation with a smile; then she looked at the other,
scratched, scrawled on a piece of cheap paper in a stamped envelope.
“Dear Mr. Landry:
“Please don’t come on Wednesday. Please don’t ever come. If you
will come to Miss Waters’ studio this afternoon I will explain. But
please do not write, because I do not get the letters.”
And it was signed simply “R.”
“And I can’t go to Miss Waters’!” he cried. “I can’t possibly ask for an
afternoon off the very first week of this new job!”
“Who is ‘R’?” asked his aunt, gently.
“Rosaleen. What do you make of this, Aunt Emmie?”
“My dearest boy, Ah don’t know anything about it at all, remember! Can’t
you tell me something about her?”
“I don’t know much about her. But—I’m interested in her. I—I like
her.”
“But what sort of people are they?”
“Oh, fairly decent! Respectable, quiet sort of people, as far as I can
see. She’s an orphan—lives with her uncle and cousin. She’s studying
art.”
All this sounded reassuring to his aunt. The first shock was over, and
she began to feel pity for his trouble. He was so agitated, walking up
and down the room, with his sulky, boyish scowl.
“Good Lord! What a situation!” he cried. “She asks me not to come and
not to write—and they have no telephone. And she asks me to meet her,
so that she can explain, and I’m not able to go. And she may be in
trouble of some sort. I think it’s very likely.”
“Shall Ah go there for you this afternoon, and explain?”
“No!” said Nick. But he stopped short, and braced himself for an
argument. “But I’ll tell you what you can do, Aunt Emmy!”
Rosaleen came home from Miss Waters’ that afternoon terribly dispirited.
He hadn’t come!
The afternoons were growing very short now. The flat was altogether dark
when she let herself in, and she went from room to room, to light the
gas jets and turn them very low. First in the long hall, then in Mr.
Humbert’s room, with its flat top desk covered with papers and its
severe orderliness, then in Miss Amy’s room, where, in the mirror over
the bureau, she caught a glimpse of herself, still in her hat and
jacket, looking oddly blurred and misty in the dim light. Somehow that
image frightened her; she hurried into the dining room, her own little
cell, and at last, with relief, into the kitchen. Never had the rambling
old place seemed so large and so gloomy, or herself so desolate.
She put on her big apron and set to work preparing the supper, a
shocking meal of fried steak, fried potatoes, coffee, a tin of tomatoes
left unaltered in their watery insipidity, and a flabby little lemon
pie from the baker’s. She was nervous; she fancied she heard sounds
from all those silent dimly lighted rooms behind her. She started when a
paper bag on the table rattled stiffly all by itself. She was, for once,
glad to hear the sound of a key in the lock and Miss Amy’s heavy tread
coming down the hall.
She had been to the library; she was carrying four big volumes which she
flung down on the dining room couch. Then she looked into the kitchen.
“Mmmm! The coffee smells good!” she said, affably, and went off to her
own room. She never offered any assistance, even to setting the table.
She considered all that to be Rosaleen’s affair. Nor did she notice that
the child looked tired and pale and dejected.
Nor did she notice that Rosaleen ate almost nothing. They had, all three
of them, very small appetites, which, when added to their highly
unappetizing meals, made life very economical. Moreover, she considered
it meritorious to eat very little, and not to enjoy what you did eat.
They finished. Mr. Humbert rose, said, very pleasantly, “Ah...!” and
went off to his writing. Miss Amy sat down on the couch to look over her
library books, and Rosaleen, putting on her apron again, began carrying
out the dishes. She was slow that evening; she didn’t want to finish.
“If I only had a place where I could go and sit by myself!” she thought,
not for the first time. “I don’t want to go and sit there with her!
And if I go in my own room, she’ll be after me, to see what’s the
matter.”
She sat down in the kitchen and began to polish a copper tea kettle
which was never used.
Suddenly the door bell rang. She jumped up, pressed the button which
opened the down stairs door, and hurried along the passage. But Miss Amy
was before her, and stood squarely in the doorway.
In a dream, a nightmare, Rosaleen heard Nick’s voice:
“Miss Humbert?” he asked, politely.
“I am Miss Humbert!”
“May we see Miss Rosaleen Humbert?”
“There’s no such person,” said Miss Amy.
There was a pause. Then another voice, a feminine one, soft, agreeable,
but unmistakably rebuking, said,
“Ah am Mrs. Allanby, Mr. Landry’s aunt.”
“Ah!” said Miss Amy.
“Ma nephew was afraid that perhaps you might not have liked his calling
on your cousin——”
“Rosaleen is not my cousin,” said Miss Amy, contemptuously.
Mrs. Allanby was just beginning to speak, when Nick broke in. He
couldn’t keep his temper any longer. The spectacle of his beloved and
dignified aunt standing outside the door, and being spoken to so
outrageously by this woman both shocked and infuriated him.
“Will you kindly ask Miss Rosaleen to step here for a minute?” he said.
“We won’t trouble you long!”
His air of disgust, of superiority, stung the unhappy woman to still
worse behaviour. She could not stop; she took a sort of monstrous
delight in going on, in defying the warnings of her conscience and her
pride.
“Evidently you don’t understand,” she said. “You seem to think the girl
is a relative. She isn’t. My sister found her posing for a class of art
students, and she felt sorry for her and brought her home. My sister was
very good to her, and for her sake I’ve gone on feeding and clothing
her. She does a little light work round the place, to pay for her
keep....”
Suddenly all her annoyance, her years of irritation with Rosaleen, her
ill-temper kept under such iron control, all the suffering she had
endured from this false calm, this false pleasantness, this inhuman
repression of her natural self, burst forth.
“I’m sick and tired of it!” she cried. “Such nonsense! The girl, with
her airs and graces.... Just a common, low Irish girl.... She’s had
advantages I never had in my young days.... I’m sick and tired of it!
It’s the final straw, for her to be asking company here.... I won’t have
it! It’s my home, after all, and there’s no place in it where she
can entertain!”
They were all silent, aghast at her violence, her coarse cruelty. Her
voice was loud, so loud as to arouse Mr. Humbert from his work. He
thrust his venerable head out of his door, but instantly popped it in
again. Miss Amy, horrified at herself, trembling with rage, ready to
burst into tears, cried out, suddenly——
“You can just take them into the kitchen!”
And stood aside, pointing down the passage.
“Come along, Aunt Emmie!” said Nick. “Come away before I——”
But she had entered, and was going along the passage. Rosaleen went
before her into the kitchen, drew forward the one chair, and droned
another in from the dining room. Mrs. Allanby, gracious and kind, sat
down, and smiled at Rosaleen.
“Come and sit down beside me!” she said.
Rosaleen shook her head. Mrs. Allanby spoke again, she thought she even
heard Nick’s voice, but she couldn’t understand them. They sounded
very, very faint. She was dizzy, sick, her ears were ringing. She stood
leaning against the tubs, still in her gingham apron, staring at
them——
At that charming and beautifully dressed woman, at the scowling young
man standing behind her, proud as Lucifer, in the kitchen....
She flung her arm across her eyes.
“Go away!” she cried. “Go away!”
She didn’t really know when they had gone. She stood without moving,
without hearing or seeing for a long time. Then suddenly the turmoil
within her died down and she felt perfectly calm.
She went into her own room and began packing her clothes into a little
wicker suitcase, quite carefully and neatly. She hadn’t even troubled to
close the door, and inevitably Miss Amy came in.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“I’m going away,” said Rosaleen.
“What nonsense! At this time of night! I won’t allow it!”
“You can’t stop me,” said Rosaleen.
Miss Amy was frightened, unspeakably dismayed at what she had done.
“Don’t be silly!” she said. “Let bygones be bygones. I—I’m sorry,
Rosaleen. Let’s forget all about it. Get to bed now, like a good girl!”
Rosaleen shook her head.
“No!” she said, “I’ve got to go.”
“You wicked girl! Think of all we’ve done for you!” said Miss Amy, in
despair.
“I don’t care,” said Rosaleen.
“I won’t let you take that suitcase, then. It’s mine.”
Instantly Rosaleen began taking her things out of it.
“I’ll wrap them in a newspaper,” she said.
Miss Amy stood there threatening, entreating, arguing, but Rosaleen was
like a stone. She did wrap her things in a newspaper; then she put on
her hat and coat and went out into the passage. Miss Amy stood with her
back against the front door.
“I won’t let you!” she cried. “Where would you go—all alone—at this
time of night!”
A horrible fear had risen in her mind. If Rosaleen “went wrong,” she
would be responsible. She didn’t much care what else happened to her, as
long as that was avoided. But she couldn’t have that on her
conscience.
“Morton!” she cried, desperately. “Morton! Come out and speak to this
wicked, headstrong girl!”
No earthly power could have brought the author into this. He didn’t even
answer. He got up from his desk and slipped across the room, and very
quietly locked the door.
“I won’t let you out!” cried Miss Amy.
“I’ll stand here till you do!” said Rosaleen firmly.
. . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . .
A long time went by. Miss Amy had grown weary beyond endurance. And
there stood Rosaleen, leaning against the wall, with her newspaper
package under her arm, pallid, solemn, unconquerable.
Suddenly Miss Amy began to cry.
“Very well, you miserable, heartless girl!” she sobbed. “Go, then, if
you will!”
Rosaleen went by her, out of the door, and down the stairs. And never
again did Miss Amy set eyes on her in this world.