What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.
This is an Englishwoman's proverb. The Italian
sisterhood complain that "In men every mortal sin is
venial; in women every venial sin is mortal."[1] These
are almost the only proverbs relating to women in
which justice is done to them, all the rest being manifestly
the work of the unfair sex.
If a woman were as little as she is good,
A peascod would make her a gown and a hood.
This is Ray's version of an Italian slander.[2] The
Germans say, "Every woman would rather be handsome
than good;"[3] and that, indeed, "There are only
two good women in the world: one of them is dead,
and the other is not to be found."[4] The French, in
spite of their pretended gallantry, have the coarseness
to declare that "A man of straw is worth a woman of
gold;"[5] and even the Spaniard, who sometimes speaks
words of stately courtesy towards the female sex,
advises you to "Beware of a bad woman, and put no
trust in a good one."[6]
"The crab of the wood is sauce very good
For the crab of the sea;
But the wood of the crab is sauce for a drab,
That will not her husband obey."
A spaniel, a woman, and a walnut tree,
The more they're beaten the better they be.
There is Latin authority for this barbarous distich.[7]
The Italians say, "Women, asses, and nuts require
rough hands."[8] Much wiser is the Scotch adage,—
Ye may ding the deil into a wife, but ye'll ne'er ding him out
o' her.
Take your wife's first advice, and not her second.
The French make the rule more general—"Take a
woman's first advice, &c."[9] There is good reason for
this if the Italian proverb is true, "Women are wise
offhand, and fools on reflection."[10] They have less
logical minds than men, but surpass them in quickness
of intuition, having, says Dean Trench, "what Montaigne
ascribes to them in a remarkable word, l'esprit
prime-sautier—the leopard's spring, which takes its prey,
if it be to take it at all, at the first bound." "Summer-sown
corn and women's advice turn out well once in
seven years,"[11] say the Germans; and the Spaniards
hold that "A woman's counsel is no great thing, but
he who does not take it is a fool."[12] In Servia they
say, "It is sometimes right even to obey a sensible
wife;" and they tell this story in elucidation of the
proverb. A Herzegovinian once asked a Kadi whether
a man ought to obey his wife, whereupon the Kadi
answered that he needed not to do so. The Herzegovinian
then continued, "My wife pressed me this
morning to bring thee a pot of beef suet, so I have
done well in not obeying her." Then said the Kadi,
"Verily, it is sometimes right even to obey a sensible
wife."
It's nae mair ferlie to see a woman greet than to see a guse gang
barefit.—Scotch.
That is, it is no more wonder to see a woman cry than
to see a goose go barefoot. "Women laugh when they
can, and weep when they will."[13] This is a French
proverb, translated by Ray. Its want of rhyme makes
it probable that it was never naturalised in England.
The Italians say, "A woman complains, a woman's in
woe, a woman is sick, when she likes to be so,"[14] and
that "A woman's tears are a fountain of craft."[15]
A woman's mind and winter wind change oft.
"Women are variable as April weather" (German).[16]
"Women, wind, and fortune soon change" (Spanish).[17]
Francis I. of France wrote one day with a diamond on
a window of the château of Chambord,—
"Souvent femme varie:
Bien fou qui s'y fie."
"A woman changes oft:
Who trusts her is right soft."
His sister, Queen Margaret of Navarre, entered the
room as he was writing the ungallant couplet, and,
protesting against such a slander on her sex, she
declared that she could quote twenty instances of
man's fickleness. Francis retorted that her reply was
not to the point, and that he would rather hear one
instance of woman's constancy. "Can you mention a
single instance of her inconstancy?" asked the Queen
of Navarre. It happened that a few weeks before this
conversation a gentleman of the court had been thrown
into prison upon a serious charge; and his wife, who
was one of the queen's ladies in waiting, was reported
to have eloped with his page. Certain it was that
the page and the lady had fled, no one could tell
whither. Francis triumphantly cited this case; but
Margaret warmly defended the lady, and said that time
would prove her innocence. The king shook his head,
but promised that if, within a month, her character
should be re-established, he would break the pane on
which the couplet was written, and grant his sister
whatever boon she might ask. Many days had not
elapsed after this, when it was discovered that it was
not the lady who had fled with the page, but her
husband. During one of her visits to him in prison
they had exchanged clothes, and he was thus enabled
to deceive the jailer, and effect his escape, while the
devoted wife remained in his place. Margaret claimed
his pardon at the king's hand, who not only granted it,
but gave a grand fête and tournament to celebrate this
instance of conjugal affection. He also destroyed the
pane of glass, but the calumnious saying inscribed on
it has unfortunately survived.
A woman's tongue wags like a lamb's tail.
A woman's strength is in her tongue.—Welsh.
Arthur could not tame a woman's tongue.—Welsh.
"Three women and three geese make a market,"[18]
according to the Italians. "Foxes are all tail, and
women are all tongue;" at least, it is so in Auvergne.[19]
"All women are good Lutherans," say the Danes;
"they would rather preach than hear mass."[20] "A
woman's tongue is her sword, and she does not let it
rust," is a saying of the Chinese.
Swine, women, and bees are not to be turned.
"Because" is a woman's answer.
And not so unmeaning an answer as flippant critics
imagine. It is an example of that much-admired
figure of speech, aposiopesis, and means—because I
will have it so. "What a woman wills, God wills"
(French).[21] "Whatever a woman will she can"
(Italian).[22]
"The man's a fool who thinks by force or skill
To stem the torrent of a woman's will;
For if she will, she will, you may depend on't,
And if she won't, she won't, and there's an end on't."
The cunning of the sex is equal to their obstinacy.
"Women know a point more than the devil" (Italian).[23]
What wonder, then, if "A bag of fleas is easier to
keep guard over than a woman?" (German).[24] The
wilfulness of woman is pleasantly hinted at in the
Scotch proverb, "'Gie her her will, or she'll burst,'
quoth the gudeman when his wife was dinging
him."
A woman conceals what she does not know.
Women and bairns lein [conceal] what they kenna.—Scotch.
"To a woman and a magpie tell what you would
speak in the market-place" (Spanish).[25] Hotspur says
to his wife,—
"Constant you are,
But yet a woman, and for secrecy
No lady closer; for I well believe
Thou wilt not utter what thou dost not know,
And so far I will trust thee, gentle Kate."
But, if there is truth in proverbs, men have no right
to reproach women for blabbing. A woman can at
least keep her own secret. Try her on the subject of
her age.
Beauty draws more than oxen.
"One hair of a woman draws more than a bell-rope"
(German).[26]
"And beauty draws us with a single hair."
Beauty buys no beef.
Beauty is no inheritance.
In spite of these curmudgeon maxims, let no fair
maid despair whose face is her fortune, for "She that
is born a beauty is born married" (Italian).[27]
The saying itself is no deeper. It is physically untrue,
for beauty is not an accident of surface, but a
natural result and attribute of a fine organisation. A
man may sneer, like Ralph Nickleby, at a lovely face,
because he chooses rather to see "the grinning death's
head beneath it;" but Ralph was a heartless villain,
and that is only another name for a fool. "Beauty is
one of God's' gifts," says Mr. Lewes, "and every one
really submits to its influence, whatever platitudes he
may think needful to issue.... How, think you,
should we ever have relished the immortal fragments of
Greek literature, if our conception of Greek men and
Greek women had been formed by the contemplation
of figures such as those of Chinese art? Would any
pulse have throbbed at the Labdacidan tale had the
descendants of Labdacus risen before the imagination
with obese rotundity, large ears, gashes of mouths, eyes
lurching upwards towards the temples, and no nose to
speak of? Could we with any sublime emotions picture
to ourselves Fo-Ti on the Promethean rock, or a Congou
Antigone wailing her unwedded death?"
Fine feathers make fine fowls.
Therefore, "If you want a wife choose her on
Saturday, not on Sunday" (Spanish);[28] i.e., choose her
in undress. "No woman is ugly when she is dressed"
(Spanish);[29] at least, she is not so in her own opinion.
"The swarthy dame, dressed fine, decries the fair one"
(Spanish).[30]
The fairer the hostess the fouler the reckoning.
"A handsome landlady is bad for the purse" (French);[31]
for this among other reasons—that "If the landlady is
fair, the wine too is fair" (German).[32]
A bonny bride is sune buskit.—Scotch.
Buskit—dressed. She needs little adornment to
enhance her charms.
Joan is as good as my lady in the dark.
When candles are out all cats are grey.
"Blemishes are unseen by night,"[33] says an ancient
Latin proverb; and the Greeks held that "When the
lamp is removed all women are alike."[34] Opinions may
differ on that point, but all agree that
"The night
Shows stars and women in a better light."
Hence the Italian warning to choose "Neither jewel,
nor woman, nor linen by candlelight;"[35] and the
French hyperbole, "By candlelight a goat looks a
lady."[36]
If Jack is in love he is no judge of Jill's beauty.
"Nobody's sweetheart is ugly" (Dutch).[37] "Never
seemed a prison fair or a mistress foul" (French).[38]
"Handsome is not what is handsome, but what
pleases" (Italian).[39] "He whose fair one squints says
she ogles" (German).[40] "'Red is Love's colour,' said
the wooer to his foxy charmer" (German).[41]
Blind to all imperfections in the beloved object;
blind also to everything around it—to facts, consequences,
and prudential considerations. "People in
love think that other people's eyes are out"
(Spanish).[42]
It is hard to keep flax from the lowe [fire].-Scotch.
"Man is fire, woman tow, and the devil comes and
blows" (Spanish).[43]
Glasses and lasses are bruckle [brittle] wares.—Scotch.
A pretty girl and a tattered gown are sure to find some hook in the
way.
Italy appears to be the original country of this
proverb, though it is popularly current in Ulster. "A
handsome woman and a pinked or slashed garment"
are the things mentioned in the Italian proverb.[44] The
French form[45] corresponds with the Irish.
Where love fails we espy all faults.
Faults are thick where love is thin.—Welsh.
Hot love is soon cold.
Love me little, love me long.
Love of lads and fire of chats are soon in and soon
out.—Derbyshire.
Chats, i.e., chips.
Lads' love's a busk of broom, hot a while and soon done.—Cheshire.
Love is never without jealousy.
"He that is not jealous is not in love," says St.
Augustin;[46] but that depends not only upon the disposition
of the lover, but upon the point arrived at in
the history of his love. Doubts and fears are excusable
in one who has not yet had assurance that his passion
is returned, but afterwards "Love expels jealousy"
(French),[47] or, at least, it ought to do so. "Love
demands faith, and faith steadfastness" (Italian);[48]
but too often "Love gives for guerdon jealousy and
broken faith" (Italian).[49] It is an Italian woman's
belief that "It is better to have a husband without
love than with jealousy."[50]
No folly to being in love.—Welsh.
"To love and to be wise is impossible" (Spanish);[51]
or, as an antique French proverb says, the two things
have not the same abode.[52] This is the creed of those
who have not themselves been lovers. As Calderon
sings, in lines admirably rendered by Mr. Fitzgerald,—
"He who far off beholds another dancing,
Even one who dances best, and all the time
Hears not the music that he dances to,
Thinks him a madman, apprehending not
The law which moves his else eccentric action;
So he that's in himself insensible
Of love's sweet influence, misjudges him
Who moves according to love's melody;
And knowing not that all these sighs and tears,
Ejaculations and impatiences,
Are necessary changes of a measure
Which the divine musician plays, may call
The lover crazy, which he would not do,
Did he within his own heart hear the tune
Play'd by the great musician of the world."
They that lie down [i.e., fall sick] for love should rise for
hunger.—Scotch.
The presumption being that, if they had not been too
well fed, they would not have been troubled with that
disease. "Without Ceres and Bacchus, Venus
freezes" (Latin).[53] "No love without bread and wine"
(French).[54]
Old pottage is sooner heated than new made.
An old flame is sooner revived than a new one
kindled. "One always returns to one's first love"
(French).[55] "True love never grows hoary" (Italian).[56]
Love and light cannot be hid.
Love and a cough cannot be hid.
The French add smoke to these irrepressible things.[57]
La gale is sometimes enumerated with them; and the
Danes say, "Poverty and love are hard to hide."[58]
Love and lordship like not fellowship.
Kindness comes awill.—Scotch.
That is, love cannot be forced. The Germans couple
it in that respect with singing.[59] "Who would be loved
must love,"[60] say the Italians; and "Love is the very
price at which love is to be bought."[61]
Our English proverbs on love are for the most part
sarcastic or jocular, and few of them can be compared,
for grace and elevation of feeling, with those of Italy.
We have no parallels in our language for the following:—"Love knows
no measure"[62]—there are no bounds
to its trustfulness and devotion;—"Love warms more
than a thousand fires;"[63]—"He who has love in his
heart has spurs in his sides;"[64]—"Love rules without
law;"[65]—"Love rules his kingdom without a sword;"[66]—"Love
knows not labour;"[67]—"Love is master of all
arts."[68] The French have one proverb on the sovereign
might of love,[69] which they borrowed from the sublime
phrase in the Song of Solomon, "Love is stronger than
death;" and another expressed in the language of
their chivalric forefathers, "Love subdues all but the
ruffian's heart."[70]
Marry in haste and repent at leisure.
This proverb probably came to us from Italy;[71] but,
alas! it happens too often in all countries that "Wedlock
rides in the saddle, and repentance on the croup"
(French).[72] There is a joke in the Menagiana not unlike
this:—A person meeting another riding on horseback
with his wife behind him, applied to him the
words of Horace—"Post equitem sedet atra cura."[73]
"Marriage is a desperate thing," quoth Selden. "The
frogs in Æsop were extremely wise; they had a great
mind to some water, but they would not leap into the
well because they could not get out again." Consider
well, then, what you are about before you put yourself
in a condition to hear it said,—
You have tied a knot with your tongue you cannot undo with
your teeth.
Some go so far as to say that "No one marries but
repents" (French).[74] The Spaniards exclaim, in language
which reminds us of the custom of Dunmow,
"The bacon of paradise for the married man that has
not repented!"[75]
Better wed over the mixon than over the moor.
The mixon is the heap of manure in the farmyard.
The proverb means that it is better not to go far from
home in search of a wife—advice as old as the Greek
poet Hesiod, who has a line to this effect: "Marry, in
preference to all other women, one who dwells near
thee." But a more specific meaning has been assigned
to the English proverb by Fuller, and after him by
Ray and Disraeli. They explain it as being a maxim
peculiar to Cheshire, and intended to dissuade candidates
for matrimony from taking the road to London,
which lies over the moorland of Staffordshire. "This
local proverb," says Disraeli, "is a curious instance of
provincial pride, perhaps of wisdom, to induce the
gentry of that county to form intermarriages, to prolong
their own ancient families and perpetuate ancient
friendships between them." This is a mistake, for the
proverb is not peculiar to Cheshire, or to any part of
England. Scotland has it in this shape:—
Better woo o'er midden nor o'er moss.
And in Germany they give the same advice, and also
assign a reason for it, saying, "Marry over the mixon,
and you will know who and what she is."[76] The same
principle is expressed in different forms in other languages,
e.g., "Your wife and your nag get from a
neighbour" (Italian).[77] "He that goes far to marry
goes to be deceived or to deceive" (Spanish).[78] The
politic Lord Burleigh seems to have regarded this
"going far to deceive" as a very proper thing to be
done for the advancement of a man's fortune. In his
"Advice to his Son" he says, "If thy estate be good,
match near home and at leisure; if weak, far off and
quickly." There is an ugly cunning in that word
quickly. Burleigh's advice is quite in the spirit of the
French fortune hunter's adage, "In marriage cheat
who can."[79]
He that loseth his wife and sixpence hath lost a tester.
"He that loseth his wife and a farthing hath a great
loss of his farthing" (Italian).[80] In Italy also, and in
Portugal, it is said that "Grief for a dead wife lasts to
the door;"[81] and even in Provence, the land of the
troubadours, they have a rhyme to this effect:—
"Two good days for a man in this life:
When he weds and when he buries his wife."
[82]
Nor do the wives of Provence appear to be delighted
with their conjugal lot. Having lost their youthful
plumpness through the cares and toils of wedlock, they
oddly declare that "If a stockfish became a widow it
would fatten."[83] A Spanish woman's opinion of matrimony
is thus expressed: "'Mother, what sort of a
thing is marriage?' 'Daughter, it is spinning, bearing
children, and weeping.'"[84]
Better a tocher [dower] in her than wi' her.—Scotch.
A man's best fortune or his worst is his wife.
"The day you marry you kill or cure yourself"
(Spanish).[85] "Use great prudence and circumspection,"
says Lord Burleigh to his son, "in choosing thy wife,
for from thence will spring all thy future good or evil;
and it is an action of life like unto a stratagem of war,
wherein a man can err but once."
The gude or ill hap o' a gude or ill life
Is the gude or ill choice o' a gude or ill wife.—Scotch.
There is a Spanish rhyme much to the same effect:—
"Him that has a good wife no evil in life that may not be borne, can befall.
Him that has a bad wife no good thing in life can chance to, that good you may call."
[86]
Put your hand in the creel, and take out either an adder or an eel.
That's matrimony. "In buying horses and taking
a wife, shut your eyes and commend yourself to God"
(Italian).[87] "Marriages are not as they are made, but
as they turn out" (Italian).[88]
There's but ae gude wife in the country, and ilka man thinks he's
got her.—Scotch.
It is a pleasant delusion while it lasts, and it is not
incurable. Instances of complete recovery from it are
not rare.
A man may woo where he will, but must wed where he's weird.—Scotch.
That is, where he is fated to wed. This is exactly
equivalent to the English saying,—
Marriages are made in heaven,
the meaning of which Dean Trench appears to me
to mistake, when he speaks with admiration of its
"religious depth and beauty." I cannot find in it a
shadow of religious sentiment. It simply implies that
it is not forethought, inclination, or mutual fitness that
has the largest share in bringing man and wife together.
More efficient than all these is the force of circumstances,
or what people vaguely call chance, fate,
fortune, and so forth. In the French version of the
adage, "Marriages are written in heaven,"[89] we find the
special formula of Oriental fatalism; and fatalism is
everywhere the popular creed respecting marriage.
Hence, as Shakspeare says,—
"The ancient saying is no heresy—
Hanging and wiving go by destiny."
"But now consider the old proverbs to be true y
saieth: that marriage is destinie."—Hall's Chronicles.
If marriages be made in heaven some had few friends there.—Scotch.
Ne'er seek a wife till ye hae a house and a fire burning.—Scotch.
More belongs to a bed than four bare legs.
Marriage is honourable, but housekeeping is a shrew.
Sweetheart and honey-bird keeps no house.
"Marry, marry, and what about the housekeeping?"
(Portuguese).[90] "Remember," said a French lady to
her son, who was about to make an imprudent match,
"remember that in wedded life there is only one
thing which continues every day the same, and that is
the necessity of making the pot boil." "He that
marries for love has good nights and bad days"
(French).[91] "Before you marry have where to tarry,"
(Italian);[92] and remember that
A wee house has a wide throat.
It costs something to support a family, however
small; and "It is easier to build two hearths than
always to have a fire on one" (German).[93]
'Tis hard to wive and thrive both in a year.
Who weds ere he be wise shall die ere he thrive.
Happy is the wooing that is not long a-doing.
This is so far true as it discommends long engagements.
'Tis time to yoke when the cart comes to the capples [i.e., horses].—Cheshire.
That is, it is time to marry when the woman wooes
the man. This provincial word "capple" is Irish
also, and is allied to, but not derived from, the
Latin caballus. It is probably one of the few
words of the ancient Celtic tongue of Britain which
were adopted into the language of the Saxon conquerors.
Husbands are in heaven whose wives chide not.
Whether or not that heaven is ever found on earth
is a question which each man must decide from his
own experience. "He that has a wife has strife,"[94]
say the French, and the Italian proverb-mongers take
an unhandsome advantage of the fact that in their
language the words "wife" and "woes" differ only by
a letter.[95] St. Jerome declares that "Whoever is free
from wrangling is a bachelor."[96]
A smoky chimney and a scolding wife are two bad companions.
The Scotch couple together "A leaky house and a
scolding wife," in which they follow Solomon: "A continual
dropping on a very rainy day and a contentious
woman are alike."[97] "It is better to dwell in a corner
of the housetop than with a brawling woman in a wide
house."[98]
A house wi' a reek and a wife wi' a reerd [scolding noise] will sune
mak a man run to the door.—Scotch.
Of the continental versions of this proverb the
Spanish[99] seems to me the best, and next to it the
Dutch.[100]
It's a sair reek where the gude wife dings the gude man.—Scotch.
"A man in my country," says James Kelly, "coming
out of his house with tears on his cheeks, was asked
the occasion. He said 'there was a sair reek in the
house;' but, upon further inquiry, it was found that
his wife had beaten him." "It is a sad house where
the hen crows and the cock is mute" (Spanish).[101]
Though we have not this proverb in English, we have
its spirit embodied in one word, HENPECKED, which is
peculiar to ourselves.
The grey mare is the better horse.
The wife wears the breeches. "A hawk's marriage:
the hen is the better bird" (French).[102]
Marry above your match and you get a master.
"In the rich woman's house she commands always,
and he never" (Spanish).[103] "Who takes a wife for her
dower turns his back on freedom" (French).[104] But
every married man is in this plight, for
"He that has a wife has a master."[105]
"He that's not sensible of the truth of this proverb,"
says James Kelly, "may blot it out or pass it over."
"As the good man saith, so say we;
But as the good woman saith, so it must be."
Wedding and ill wintering tame both man and beast.
"You will marry and grow tame" (Spanish).[106]
He that marries a widow and two daughters marries three stark thieves.
He that marries a widow and two daughters has three back doors to his house.
And "The back door is the one that robs the house"
(Italian).[107]
Never marry a widow unless her first husband was hanged.
Else the burden of an old Scotch song, "Ye'll never
be like mine auld gudeman," will be dinned in your
ears day and night.
He that marries a widow will have a dead man's head cast in his dish.
Happy is the wife who is married to a motherless son.
"Uno animo omnes socrus oderunt nurus," says
Terence; and this is the common testimony of experience
in all ages and countries. "The husband's
mother is the wife's devil" (German, Dutch).[108] "As
long as I was a daughter-in-law I never had a good
mother-in-law, and as long as I was a mother-in-law I
never had a good daughter-in-law" (Spanish).[109] "The
mother-in-law forgets that she was a daughter-in-law"
(Spanish).[110] "She is well married who has neither
mother-in-law nor sister-in-law" (Spanish).[111] Men, too,
do not always regard their wives' mothers with tender
affection, and some of the many bitter sayings against
mothers-in-law seem to be common to both sexes. Such
is this queer Ulster rhyme:—
"Of all the ould women that ever I saw,
Sweet bad luck to my mother in-law."
Also these Low German:—"There is no good mother-in-law
but she that wears a green gown;"[112] i.e., that is
covered with the turf of the churchyard;—"The best
mother-in-law is she on whose gown the geese feed;"[113]
and this Portuguese, "If my mother-in-law dies, I will
fetch somebody to flay her."[114]