DIALOGUES. — The Queen’s Necklace. — Queen Isabella’s Resolve. — The Mill on the Floss. — The Hills of the Shatemuc. — Mistress and Maid. — The Last Days of Pompeii. — Ruth Hall. — Diogenes and Plato on Pride. — Lorna Doone. — The Musical Instrument. — Put Yourself in His Place. — Pilgrim’s Progress. — Alton Locke, Tailor and Poet. — Metaphysics. — Work: A Story of Experience. — Ninety-Three.
Alexander Dumas.
Note.—The scandal concerning this famous necklace—upon which the story
is founded—was one of the many misfortunes endured by the unhappy
Queen Marie Antoinette.
Characters:
- Marie Antoinette, Queen of France.
- Monsieur Boehmer, Merchant.
Monsieur Boehmer. We do not come to offer anything
to your Majesty, we should fear to be indiscreet; but we
come to fulfill a duty concerning the necklace which
your Majesty did not deign to take.
Marie Antoinette. Oh! then the necklace has come
again! It was really beautiful, M. Boehmer.
M. B. So beautiful that your Majesty alone was
worthy to wear it.
M. A. My consolation is that it cost a million and a
half francs, and in these times there is no sovereign that
can give such a sum for a necklace; so that although I
cannot wear it, no one else can.
M. B. That is an error of your Majesty’s. The necklace
is sold.
M. A. Sold! To whom?
M. B. Ah, Madame, that is a state secret.
M. A. Oh, I think I am safe. A state secret means
that there is nothing to tell.
M. B. With your Majesty we do not act as with
others. The necklace is sold, but in the most secret
manner, and an embassador—
M. A. I really think you believe it yourself! Come,
M. Boehmer, tell me at least the country he comes from,
or, at all events, the first letter of his name.
M. B. Madame, it is the embassador from Portugal.
M. A. The embassador from Portugal! There is
none here, M. Boehmer.
M. B. He came expressly for this, Madame.
M. A. Well, so much the better for the Queen of
Portugal. We will speak of it no more.
M. B. We could not let the diamonds leave France
without expressing our regret to your Majesty. It is a
necklace which is now known all over Europe, and we
wished to know definitely that your Majesty really refused
it before we parted with it.
M. A. My refusal has been made public, and has been
too much applauded for me to repent it.
M. B. Oh, Madame, if the people found it admirable
that your Majesty preferred a ship of war to a necklace,
the nobility at least would not think it surprising if you
bought the necklace after all.
M. A. Do not speak of it any more!
M. B. It has touched your Majesty’s neck; it ought
not to belong to any one else. We will return to-morrow.
M. A. Impossible! I have amused myself with these
jewels; to do more would be a fault.
M. B. Your Majesty, then, refuses them?
M. A. Yes, oh yes. Take the necklace back. Put
it away immediately!
Epes Sargent.
Characters:
- Isabella, Queen of Spain.
- Don Gomez, a Grandee.
- Christopher Columbus.
Isabella. And so, Don Gomez, you think we ought to
dismiss the proposition of this worthy Genoese?
Don Gomez. His scheme, your Majesty, is fanciful in
the extreme. I am a plain man. I do not see visions
and dream dreams like some men.
I. And yet Columbus has given us good reasons for
believing that he can reach India by sailing in a westerly
direction.
D. G. Delusion, your Majesty! Admitting that the
earth is a sphere, how would it be possible for him to
return, if he once descended the sphere in the direction
he proposes? Would not the coming back be all up-hill?
Could a ship accomplish it even with the most
favorable wind?
I. What have you to say to these objections, Columbus?
Col. With your Majesty’s leave, I would suggest that
if the earth is a sphere, the same laws of adhesion and
motion must operate at every point on its surface.
D. G. Don’t try to make me, a grandee of Spain, believe
such stuff as that there are people on the earth
who walk with their heads down, like flies on a ceiling!
Would not the blood run into my head if I were standing
upside down?
Col. I have already answered that objection. If there
are people on the earth who are our antipodes, it should
be remembered that we are also theirs.
I. To cut short the discussion, you think that the enterprise,
which Columbus proposes, is one unworthy of
our serious consideration?
D. G. As a matter-of-fact man, I must confess that I
do so regard it. Has your Majesty ever seen an embassador
from this unknown coast?
I. Have you ever seen an embassador from the unknown
world of spirits?
D. G. Certainly not. Through faith we look forward
to it.
I. Even so, by faith, does Columbus look forward, far
over the misty ocean, to an undiscovered shore. Know,
Don Gomez, that the absurdity, as you style it, shall be
tested, and that forthwith.
D. G. Your Majesty will excuse me if I remark that I
have from your royal consort himself the assurance that
the finances of the government are so exhausted by the
late wars that he cannot consent to advance the necessary
funds for fitting out an expedition of the kind proposed.
I. Be mine, then, the privilege! I have jewels, by
the pledging of which I can raise the amount required;
and I have resolved that they shall be pledged to this
enterprise without more delay.
Col. Your Majesty shall not repent your heroic resolve.
I will return—be sure I will return—and lay at
your feet such a jewel as never queen wore yet, an imperishable
fame that shall couple with your memory the
benedictions of millions yet unborn in climes yet unknown
to civilized man. There is a conviction in my
mind that your Majesty will live to bless the hour you
came to this decision.
George Eliot.
Characters:
- Tom Tulliver.
- Maggie Tulliver.
Maggie. I’ll help you now, Tom. I’ve come to the
school to stay ever so long. I’ve brought my box and
my pinafores—haven’t I, father?
Tom. You help me, you silly little thing! I should
like to see you doing one of my lessons. Why, I learn
Latin, too. Girls never learn such things. They’re too
silly.
M. I know what Latin is very well. Latin’s a language.
There are Latin words in the dictionary.
There’s bonus, a gift.
T. Now you’re just wrong there, Miss Maggie. You
think you’re very wise. But “bonus” means “good,”
as it happens—bonus, bona, bonum.
M. Well, that’s no reason why it shouldn’t mean
“gift.” It may mean several things—almost every
word does. There’s “lawn”—it means the grass-plot
as well as the stuff pocket-handkerchiefs are made of.
T. Now, then, come with me into the study, Maggie.
M. Oh, what books! How I should like to have as
many books as that!
T. Why, you couldn’t read one of ’em. They’re all
Latin.
M. No, they aren’t. I can read the back of this,
“History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire.”
T. Well, what does that mean? You don’t know.
M. But I could soon find out. I should look inside
and see what it was about.
T. Oh, I say, Maggie, we must keep quiet here, you
know. If we break anything, we’ll have to cry peccavi.
M. What’s that?
T. It’s the Latin for a good scolding.
M. Is your Mrs. Stelling a cross woman, Tom?
T. I believe you!
M. I think all women are crosser than men. Aunt
Glegg’s a great deal crosser than Uncle Glegg, and
mother scolds me more than father does.
T. Well, you’ll be a woman some day, so you needn’t
talk.
M. But I shall be a clever woman, Tom.
T. Oh, I dare say, and a nasty conceited thing.
Everybody’ll hate you.
M. But you oughtn’t to hate me, Tom. It will be
very wicked of you, for I shall be your sister.
T. Oh, bother! Come, it’s time for me to learn my
lessons. Just see what I’ve got to do!
Characters:
- Mrs. Tulliver.
- Mrs. Pullet.
Mrs. P. My new bonnet has come home, Bessy.
Mrs. T. Has it, sister? And how do you like it?
Mrs. P. It’s apt to make a mess with clothes, taking
them out and putting them in again. But it would be
a pity for you to go away without seeing it. There’s
no knowing what may happen.
Mrs. T. I’m afraid it’ll be troublesome to you getting
it out, sister; but I should like to see what kind of a
crown she’s made you.
Mrs. P. You’d like to see it on, sister? I’ll open the
shutter a bit farther.
Mrs. T. Well, if you don’t mind taking off your cap,
sister.
Mrs. P. I’ve sometimes thought there’s a loop too
much of ribbon on the left side, sister. What do you
think?
Mrs. T. Well, I think it’s best as it is. If you meddled
with it, sister, you might repent. How much
might she charge you for that bonnet, sister?
Mrs. P. Pullet pays for it. He said I was to have
the best bonnet at Garum Church, let the next best be
whose it would. I may never wear it twice, sister; who
knows?
Mrs. T. Don’t talk of that, sister. I hope you’ll
keep your health this summer.
Mrs. P. But there may come a death in the family,
as there did soon after I had my green satin bonnet.
Mrs. T. That would be unlucky. There’s never so
much pleasure in wearing a bonnet a second year, especially
when the crowns are so chancy—never two
summers alike.
Mrs. P. Ah, it’s the way of the world! Sister, if
you should never see that bonnet again till I’m dead and
gone, you’ll remember I showed it to you this very day.
Susan Warner.
Characters:
- Rufus Landholm.
- Winthrop Landholm.
Rufus. We’ve got the farm in pretty good order now.
Winthrop. Yes, father has, if those stumps were once
out. We ought to have good crops this year of most
things.
R. I am sure I have spent four or five years of my
life in hard work upon it.
W. Your life ain’t much the worse for it. Father has
spent more than that. How hard he has worked—to
make this farm!
R. It was a pretty tough subject to begin with; but
now it’s the handsomest farm in the county. It ought
to pay considerable after this.
W. It hasn’t brought us in much so far, Rufus, except
just to keep along; and a pretty tight fit at that.
R. If the farm was clear, I’d stand the chance of its
paying. It’s that keeps us down—the debt.
W. Debt! What debt?
R. The interest on the mortgage.
W. What is the debt?
R. Several thousands, I believe.
W. You and I must pay off that money, Rufus.
R. Ay; but still there’s the question, which is the
best way to do it?
W. The best way, I’ve a notion, is not to take too
long noon-spells in the afternoon.
R. Stop a bit. Sit down again; I want to speak to
you. Do you want to spend all your life following the
oxen?
W. What is the matter, Rufus?
R. Matter! Why, Winthrop, that I am not willing
to stay here and be a ploughman all my life, when I
might be something better.
W. How can you be anything better, Rufus?
R. Do you think all the world is like this little world
which these hills shut in? There is another sort of
world, Winthrop, where people know something; where
other things are to be done than running plough furrows;
where men may read and write—do something
great—distinguish themselves. I want to be in that
world.
W. But what will you do, Rufus, to get into that
world? We are shut in here.
R. I am not shut in! I will live for something
greater than this!
W. So would I, if I could; but what are we to do?
R. There is only one thing to do. I shall go to college.
W. But some preparation is necessary, Rufus; isn’t
it? How will you get that? Father wants us this
summer. We are just beginning to help him.
R. We can help him much better the other way.
Farming is the most miserable slow way of making
money that ever was contrived.
W. How do you propose to make money, Rufus?
R. I don’t know. I am not thinking about making
money at present.
W. It takes a great deal to go to college, don’t it?
R. Yes. But I intend to go, Winthrop.
W. Yes, you’ll go.
R. I’ll try for it.
W. And you’ll get it, too, Rufus!
Dinah Mulock Craik.
Characters:
- Selina Leaf.
- Hilary Leaf.
Selina. I’m sure I don’t know how we are to manage
with Elizabeth. That greedy—
Hilary. And growing—
S. I say that greedy girl eats as much as both of us.
And as for her clothes—her mother doesn’t keep her
decent.
H. She would find it hard on three pounds a year.
S. Hilary, how dare you contradict me? I am only
stating a plain fact.
H. And I another. But, indeed, I don’t want to
talk, Selina.
S. You never do except when you are wished to be
silent, and then your tongue goes like any race-horse.
H. Does it? Well, like Gilpin’s,
“It carries weight, it rides a race,
’Tis for a thousand pound!”
—and I only wish it were. Heigh-ho! If I could but
earn a thousand pounds!
S. I’m sure she was as black as a chimney-sweep all
to-day. Her pinafore had three rents in it, which she
never thinks of mending, though I gave her needles and
thread myself a week ago. She doesn’t know how to
use them any more than a baby.
H. Possibly nobody ever taught her.
S. Yes, she went for a year to the National School,
she says.
H. Well, her forte is certainly children. She is wonderfully
patient with our troublesome scholars.
S. You always find something to say for her.
H. I should be ashamed if I could not find something
to say for anybody who is always abused. How can I
help it, Selina, if a girl fifteen years old is not a paragon
of perfection? as we all are, if we only could find it
out.
S. Her month ends to-morrow. Let her go.
H. And perhaps get in her place a story-teller, a
tale-bearer, even a thief. By the bye, the first step in
the civilization of the Polynesians was giving them
clothes. Suppose we try the experiment with Elizabeth?
Edward Bulwer Lytton.
City destroyed, A.D. August 24, 79. Discovered, 1750.
Characters:
- Clodius, }
- Pausa,} Citizens.
Clodius. When is our next wild-beast fight?
Pausa. It stands fixed for the ninth ide of August.
We have a most lovely young lion for the occasion.
C. Whom shall we get for him to eat? Alas! there
is a great scarcity of criminals. You must positively
find some innocent or other to condemn to the lion,
Pausa.
P. Indeed, I have thought very seriously about it of
late. It was a most infamous law which forbade us to
send our own slaves to the wild beasts. Not to let us
do what we like with our own! That’s what I call an
infringement on property itself.
C. Not so in the good old days of the Republic.
P. And then this pretended mercy to the slaves is
such a disappointment to the poor people. How they
do love to see a good tough battle between a man and a
lion! And all this innocent pleasure they may lose—if
the gods don’t send us a good criminal soon—from this
cursed law.
C. What can be worse policy than to interfere with
the manly amusements of the people?
P. Well, thank Jupiter and the Fates! We have no
Nero at present.
C. He was, indeed, a tyrant. He shut up our amphitheatre
for ten years.
P. I wonder it didn’t create a rebellion.
C. As it very nearly did.
Characters:
- Glaucus, }
- Sallust, }
- Lepidus, } Citizens.
Sallust. Ah, it is a lustrum since I saw you!
Glaucus. And how have you spent the lustrum? What
new dishes have you discovered?
S. I have been scientific, and have made some experiments
in the feeding of lampreys. I confess I despair
of bringing them to the perfection which our Roman
ancestors attained.
G. Miserable man! and why?
S. Because it is no longer lawful to give them a slave
to eat. But slaves are not slaves nowadays, and have
no sympathy with their masters’ interest, or one of mine
would destroy himself to oblige me.
Lepidus. What news from Rome?
S. The emperor has been giving a splendid supper to
the senators.
L. He is a good creature. They say he never sends a
man away without granting his request.
S. Perhaps he would let me kill a slave for my reservoir?
G. Not unlikely; for he who grants a favor to one
Roman must always do it at the expense of another. Be
sure that for every smile Titus has caused a hundred
eyes have wept.
S. Long live Titus! He has promised my brother a
quæstorship because he has run through his fortune.
L. And wishes now to enrich himself among the people.
S. Exactly so.
G. That is putting the people to some use. Well, let
us to the baths. This is the time when all the world is
there, and Fulvius, whom you admire so much, is going
to read us an ode.
Fanny Fern.
Characters:
- Mrs. Henry Hall.
- Mrs. Ruth Hall, Daughter-in-law.
Mrs. H. Good morning, Ruth; Mrs. Hall, I suppose,
I should call you, only that I can’t get used to being
shoved aside so suddenly.
Ruth. Oh, pray don’t say Mrs. Hall to me. Call me
any name that best pleases you; I shall be quite satisfied.
Mrs. H. I suppose you understand all about housekeeping,
Ruth?
Ruth. No. I have but just returned from boarding-school.
Mrs. H. It is a great pity you were not brought up
properly. Harry has his fortune yet to make, you
know. Young people nowadays seem to think money
comes in showers. Harry has been brought up sensibly.
He has been taught economy. Do you know how to
iron, Ruth?
Ruth. Yes. I have sometimes clear-starched my own
muslins and laces.
Mrs. H. Glad to hear it. Can you make bread?
When I say bread, I mean bread,—none of your soda,
saleratus mixtures,—old-fashioned yeast-riz bread. Do
you know how to make it?
Ruth. No. People in the city always buy baker’s
bread; my father did.
Mrs. H. Your father! Land’s sake, child, you
mustn’t quote your father, now you’re married. I hope
you won’t be always running home, or running anywhere,
in fact. Do you know I should like your looks
better if you didn’t curl your hair?
Ruth. I don’t curl it; it curls naturally.
Mrs. H. That’s a pity. You should avoid everything
that looks frivolous. And, Ruth, if you should feel the
need of exercise, don’t gad in the streets. There is
nothing like a broom and a dust-pan to make the blood
circulate. I hope you don’t read novels and such trash.
I have a very select little library containing a most excellent
sermon on Predestination by our good old minister,
Dr. Diggs. Any time you stand in need of rational
reading, come to me.
T. A. Bland.
Diogenes. Fie on thy philosophy, Plato! In spite of
all, thou art the veriest of aristocrats, while philosophy
teacheth humility.
Plato. Thou hast spoken truly, Diogenes, but not in
wisdom; thy speech is wise, ’tis true, but thy thought is
foolish. That I am proud, I own, and that I am a
democrat, I do most sincerely maintain.
D. Now thou speakest in riddles. Thy words are
double, and thy answer as the answer of the fool.
P. Gently, Diogenes. Anger not thy mind with
quick speech that is void of wisdom. Let us inquire
into this matter with the calmness and deliberation befitting
the dignity of philosophy. Is not pride self-respect,
and is not self-respect an admirable virtue?
D. Nay, nay, Plato. Thou art surely in the wrong
here. Pride is vanity, and it leadeth to contempt for
the merits of thy fellows. Thus is aristocracy fostered.
P. If it were as you affirm, then would I quickly
eschew pride. But I do not so hold, nor did Socrates.
Methinks it were vanity, and not pride, thou wouldst
condemn, Diogenes, and pride and vanity, I hold, are
very different matters.
D. Thy reasons? Give me thy reasons for this opinion.
I do maintain that pride is the root and substance
of vanity.
P. Then thou dost surely not think wisely. To be
proud is to esteem one’s self, while the vain man is
anxious about the praise of the mob. Pride is self-reliant,
confident, courageous. Vanity is fawning,
anxious, and cowardly. And thou, too, art proud, Diogenes.
Thy contempt for what thou callest my pride is
the offspring of thy greater pride. Thou believest in
the wisdom of Diogenes more than in that of Plato. Is
not this thy pride?
D. But Plato lives in a palace and clothes his person
with costly raiment. Diogenes despiseth costly raiment
and lives in a tub.
P. Diogenes is therefore shown to be not only prouder
than Plato, but vainer also.
D. Vain, dost thou say, Plato? Art in thy right
mind to call Diogenes vain?
P. I call thee vain, Diogenes, and if thou but hear
me I will prove it. Thou art vain of thy fame, for
thou art famous for thy humility. Thou art proud
of thy wisdom, also, Diogenes, and vain of thy learning.
Thou thinkest that thou art wiser than Plato, else thou
wouldst become his disciple; and richer than Alexander,
else thou wouldst not scorn his gifts. ’Tis Diogenes
who is the aristocrat. He thinks himself better than
others, and is therefore above his fellows.
D. Hold thee there, Plato. Thou surely doest me
wrong. Do I not live like a peasant, and scorn only
the rich and they that are in high places; and is that
pride?
P. Thou dost indeed wear the garb of a peasant, but
thou also carriest a lantern to search for an honest man,
boldly proclaiming that until such a man is found thou
wilt live alone. Is not this virtuous aristocracy? Fie
on thy democracy, Diogenes! By thine own argument
thou art a greater aristocrat than Plato. But learn this,
and add it to thy stock of wisdom: True pride is consistent
with philosophy, and philosophy is the foe of
vanity.
R. D. Blackmore.
Place, London; time, about 1680; reign of James II.
Characters:
- John Ridd, a countryman.
- Judge George Jeffreys, Lord Chief Justice of England.
J. R. May it please your worship, here I am, according
to order, awaiting your good pleasure.
J. J. Thou art made to weight, John, more than order.
How much dost thou tip the scales to?
J. R. Only twelve score pounds, my lord, when I be
in wrestling trim. And sure I must have lost weight
here, fretting so long in London.
J. J. Ha, much fret there is in thee! Has his Majesty
seen thee?
J. R. Yes, my lord, twice, or even thrice, and he
made some jest concerning me.
J. J. A very poor one, I doubt not. Now, is there
in thy neighborhood at Exmoor a certain nest of robbers,
miscreants, and outlaws, whom all men fear to handle?
J. R. Yes, my lord; at least I believe some of them
be robbers; and all of them are outlaws.
J. J. And what is your high-sheriff about that he doth
not hang them all? Or send them up for me to hang,
without more to do about it?
J. R. I reckon that he is afraid, my lord. It is not
safe to meddle with them. They are of good birth, and
reckless, and their place is very strong.
J. J. Good birth! What was Lord Russell of, Lord
Essex, and Sidney? ’Tis the surest heirship to the
block to be the chip of an old one. What is the name
of this pestilent race, and how many of them are there?
J. R. They are the Doones of Bagworthy Forest, may
it please your worship. And we reckon there be about
forty of them, besides the women and children.
J. J. Forty Doones all forty thieves! How long have
they been there, then?
J. R. Before the great war they came, longer back
than I can remember.
J. J. Ay, long before thou wast born, John. Good,
thou speakest plainly. Woe betide a liar, whenso I get
hold of him. Ye need me on the Western Circuit, and
ye shall have me when London traitors are hung and
swung. Now, a few more things, John Ridd, and, for
the present, I have done with thee. Is there any sound,
round your way of disaffection to his most gracious
Majesty?
J. R. No, my lord; no sign whatever. We pray for
him in church, and talk about him afterward, hoping it
may do him good, as it is intended. But after that we
have naught to say, not knowing much about him—at
least till I get home again.
J. J. That is as it should be, John, and the less you
say the better. Now, John, I have taken a liking to
thee; for never man told me the truth, without fear or
favor, more truly than thou hast done. I meant to
use thee as my tool, but thou art too honest and simple;
and never let me find thee, John, a tool for the
other side, or a tube for my words to pass through.
Characters:
A. T. Thy grandmother, child, thy grandmother used
to play upon a much better instrument than thine.
L. Indeed; how could it have been better? You
know a piano is the most fashionable instrument, and is
used by everybody that is anything.
A. T. Thy grandmother was something, yet she never
saw a piano-forte.
L. But what was the name of the instrument? Had
it strings, and was it played by the hand?
A. T. You must give me time to recollect the name.
It was, indeed, a stringed instrument, and was played
with the hand.
L. By the hands alone? How vulgar! But I should
really like to see one, and papa must buy me one when I
return to the city. Do you think we can obtain one?
A. T. No; you probably will not obtain one there;
but, doubtless, they may be found in some of the country
towns.
L. How many strings had it? Must one play with
both hands? And could one play the double-bass?
A. T. I know not whether it would play the double-bass,
as you call it; but it was played with both hands,
and had two strings.
L. Two strings only? Surely you are jesting! How
could good music be procured from such an instrument,
when the piano has two or three hundred?
A. T. Oh, the strings were very long, one of them
about fourteen feet, and the other may be lengthened at
pleasure, even to fifty feet or more.
L. What a prodigious deal of room it must take up!
But no matter. I will have mine in the old hall, and
papa may have an addition built to it, for he says I shall
never want for anything, and so does mamma. But
what kind of sound did it make? Were the strings
struck with little mallets, like the piano? or were they
snapped like a harp?
A. T. Like neither of those instruments, as I recollect;
but it produced a soft kind of humming music,
and was peculiarly agreeable to the husband and relations
of the performer.
L. Oh, as to pleasing one’s husband or relations, you
know that is altogether vulgar in fashionable society.
But I am determined to have one, at any rate. Was it
easily learned? and was it taught by French and Italian
masters?
A. T. It was easily learned, but taught neither by
Frenchmen nor Italians.
L. Can you not possibly remember the name? How
shall we know what to inquire for?
A. T. Yes. I do now remember the name, and you
must inquire for a Spinning-wheel.
A STORY OF THE TRADES-UNIONS.
Charles Reade.
Characters:
- Mr. Grotait, Proprietor of The Cutlers’ Arms.
- Henry Little, Inventor, and Manufacturer of Cutlers’ Tools.
Mr. G. Well, Mr. Little, now, between ourselves,
don’t you think it rather hard that the poor workman
should have to hang and race the master’s grindstone for
nothing?
Mr. L. Why, they share the loss between them. The
stone costs the master three pounds, and hanging it only
costs the workman four or five shillings. Where’s the
grievance?
Mr. G. Hanging and racing a stone shortens the
grinder’s life; fills his lungs with grit. Is the workman
to give Life and Labor for a forenoon, and is Capital to
contribute nothing? Is that your view of Life, Labor,
and Capital, young man?
Mr. L. That is smart; but a rule of trade is a rule
till it is altered by consent of the parties that made it.
Now, right or wrong, it is the rule of trade here that
the small grinders find their own stones and pay for
power. Cheetham is smarting under your rules, and
you can’t expect him to go against any rule that saves
him a shilling.
Mr. G. What does this grinder—Cheetham—think?
Mr. L. You might as well ask what the grindstone
thinks.
Mr. G. Well, what does the grinder say, then?
Mr. L. Says he’d rather run the old stone out than
lose a forenoon.
Mr. G. Well, sir, it is his business.
Mr. L. It may be a man’s business to hang himself;
but it is the bystanders’ to hinder him.
Mr. G. You mistake me. I mean that the grinder is
the only man who knows whether a stone is safe.
Mr. L. But this grinder does not pretend his stone is
safe; all he says is, safe or not, he’ll run it. So now the
question is, will you pay four shillings yourself for this
blockhead’s loss of time in hanging and racing a new
stone? Your Union can find money. Why grudge it
when there’s life to be saved, perhaps, and ten times
cheaper than you pay for blood?
Mr. G. Young man, did you come here to insult us
with these worn-out slanders?
Mr. L. No; but I came to see whether you secretaries,
who can find pounds to assassinate men and blow
up women and children with gunpowder, can find shillings
to secure the life of one of your own members.
Mr. G. Well, sir, the application is without precedent,
and I must decline it; but this I beg to do as courteously
as the application has been made uncourteously.
Mr. L. Oh, it is easy to be polite when you’ve got no
heart.
Mr. G. You are the first ever brought that charge
against me. Now, have you nothing to say to us on
your own account?
Mr. L. Not a word!
Mr. G. But suppose I could suggest a way by which
you could carry on your trade here and offend nobody?
Mr. L. I should decline to hear it. You and I are at
war on that. You have done your worst, and I shall do
my best to make you all smart for it, the moment I get
a chance.
Mr. G. So be it, then!
John Bunyan.
Characters:
- Faithful, }
- Talkative, } Pilgrims.
Faith. Friend, whither away? Are you going to the
Heavenly Country?
Talk. I am going to the same place.
F. That is well. Then I hope we may have your good
company.
T. With a very good will will I be your companion.
F. Come on then, and let us go together, and let us
spend our time in discoursing of things that are profitable.
T. To talk of things that are good, to me is very acceptable,
with you or with any other; for to speak the
truth, there are but few who care thus to spend their
time, but choose much rather to be speaking of things to
no profit, and this hath been a trouble to me.
F. That is indeed a thing to be lamented; for what
things so worthy of the use of the tongue and mouth of
men on earth as are the things of the God of Heaven?
T. I like you wonderful well, for your saying is full of
conviction. What things so pleasant?—that is, if a man
hath any delight in things that are wonderful. If, for
instance, a man doth delight to talk of the History or
the Mystery of things.
F. That’s true; but to be profited by such things in
our talk, should be that which we design.
T. That’s it that I said. Further, by this a man may
learn to refute false opinions, to vindicate the truth, and
also to instruct the ignorant.
F. All this is true, and glad am I to hear these things
from you. Well then, what is that one thing that we
shall at this time found our discourse upon?
T. What you will. I will talk of things Heavenly, or
things Earthly; things Moral, or things Evangelical;
things Sacred, or things Profane; things past, or things
to come; things foreign, or things at home; things more
Essential, or things Circumstantial; provided that all be
done to our profit.
F. Doth your life and conversation testify to Faith,
Love, and Grace? or standeth your Religion in Word or
in Tongue, and not in Deed and Truth? Pray if you
incline to answer me in this, say no more than you know
the God above will say Amen to; and also nothing but
what your conscience can justify you in.
T. This kind of talk I did not expect; nor am I inclined
to give an answer to such questions, because I
count not myself bound thereto, unless you take upon
you to be a Catechizer; and though you should do so,
yet I may refuse to make you my Judge. But, I pray, will
you tell me why you ask me such questions?
F. Because I saw you forward to talk, and because I
knew that you had naught else but notion.
T. Since you judge so rashly as you do, I cannot but
conclude you are some peevish or melancholy man, not
fit to be discoursed with; and so adieu.
Charles Kingsley.
Characters:
- Mr. Crossthwaite, Tailor.
- Alton Locke, Tailor’s Apprentice.
Time, 1830.
A. L. Mr. Crossthwaite, I want to speak to you. I
want you to advise me.
Mr. C. I have known that a long time.
A. L. Then why did you never say a kind word to
me?
Mr. C. I was waiting to see whether you were worth
it. Besides, I wanted to see whether you trusted me
enough to ask me. Now you’ve broke the ice at last,
in with you head and ears, and see what you can fish
out.
A. L. I am very unhappy.
Mr. C. That’s no new disorder, as I know of.
A. L. No; but I think the reason I am unhappy is a
strange one; at least, I never read of but one person else
in the same way. I want to educate myself and I can’t.
Mr. C. You must have read precious little, then, if
you think yourself in a strange way. Bless the boy’s
heart! And what the dickens do you want to be educating
yourself for? If you had one-tenth the trouble
taken with you that is taken with every pig-headed son
of an aristocrat—
A. L. Am I clever?
Mr. C. Clever? What, haven’t you found that out
yet? Don’t try to put that on me!
A. L. Really, I never thought of it.
Mr. C. More simpleton you! I heard said the other
day that you were a thorough young genius.
A. L. It sounds very grand, and I should certainly
like to have a good education. But I can’t see whose
injustice keeps me out of one if I can’t afford to pay for
it.
Mr. C. Whose? Why, the parsons’, to be sure.
They’ve got the monopoly of education in England, and
get their bread by it. Of course, it’s their interest to
keep up the price of their commodity, and let no man
have a taste of it who can’t pay down handsomely.
A. L. But I thought the clergy were doing so much
to help the poor. At least, I hear all the dissenting
ministers grumbling at their continual interference.
Mr. C. Ay, educating them to make them slaves and
bigots. They don’t teach them what they teach their
own sons.
A. L. But there are countless stories of great Englishmen
who have risen from the lowest ranks.
Mr. C. Ay; but where are the stories of those who
have not risen? Dead men tell no tales; and this old
whited sepulcher, society, ain’t going to turn informer
against itself.
A. L. I trust and hope that if God intends me to rise
he will open the way for me. Perhaps the very struggles
and sorrows of a poor genius may teach him more than
ever wealth and prosperity could.
Mr. C. True, Alton, my boy, and that’s my only
comfort. It does make men of us, this bitter battle of
life. We workingmen, when we do come out of the furnace,
come out steel and granite, and woe to the papier-maché
gentleman that runs against us!
Characters:
First. Pray tell me something about Metaphysics, for
I cannot for my life make anything out of it.
Second. Metaphysics is the science of abstractions.
F. I am no wiser for that definition.
S. Well, take for example this earth. Now the earth
may exist.
F. Who ever doubted that?
S. A great many men, and some very learned ones;
although Bishop Berkeley has proved beyond all possible
gainsaying or denial that it does not exist.
F. That is a point of considerable consequence to
settle.
S. Now the earth may exist, and—
F. But how is all this to be found out?
S. By digging down to first principles.
F. Ay, there is nothing equal to the spade and pickaxe;
’tis by digging that we can find out whether the
world exists or not.
S. That is true, because if we dig to the bottom of
the earth and find no foundation, then it is clear that
the world stands upon nothing; or, in other words, that
it does not stand at all, therefore it stands to reason—
F. But if one can’t believe his own eyes, what signifies
talking about it?
S. Our eyes are nothing but the inlets of sensation;
we are sure of nothing that we see with our eyes.
F. Well, what does a man begin to build upon in the
metaphysical way?
S. Why, he begins by taking something for granted.
F. But is that a sure way of going to work?
S. Why it’s—the—only thing he—can—do. Metaphysics
is the consideration of immateriality, or the mere
spirit and essence of things. When we speak of essence
of things, we mean the essence of locality, the essence
of duration—
F. And the essence of peppermint?
S. The essence I mean is quite a different affair. It
is a thing that has no matter. It has no substance nor
solidity, large nor small, hot nor cold, long nor short.
F. Then what is the long and short of it?
S. Abstraction.
F. What do you say to a pitchfork as an abstraction?
S. A pitchfork would mean none in particular, but
one in general, and would be a thing in abstraction.
F. It would be a thing in the haymow. What do
you think of a red cow for an example?
S. A red cow, considered as an abstraction, would be
an animal possessing neither hides nor horns, bones nor
flesh; it would have no color at all, for its redness
would be the mere counterfeit or imagination of such.
It would neither go to pasture, chew cud, give milk, nor
do anything of a like nature.
F. Nonsense! All the metaphysics under the sun
wouldn’t make a pound of butter!
Louisa M. Alcott.
[By permission of Roberts Bros.]
Characters:
- Mrs. Betsy Devon,
- Christie Devon, her niece.
C. D. Aunt Betsy, there’s going to be a new Declaration
of Independence.
Mrs. D. Bless us and save us! what do you mean,
child?
C. D. I mean that, being of age, I’m going to take
care of myself, and not be a burden any longer. Uncle
thinks I ought to go away. I don’t intend to wait for
him to tell me so, but, like the people in fairy tales,
travel away into the world and seek my fortune. I
know I can find it.
Mrs. D. What crazy idee you got in your head now?
C. D. A very sane and sensible one, that’s got to be
worked out. I’ve had it a long time, and I’ve thought
it over thoroughly, so I’m sure it’s the right thing to do.
I hate to be dependent, and, now there’s no need of it, I
can’t bear it any longer. I’m old enough to take care of
myself, and if I’d been a boy I should have been told to
do it long ago. I’m sick of this dull town, where the one
idea is, Eat, drink, and get rich; so let me go, Aunt
Betsy, and find my place, wherever it is.
Mrs. D. You mustn’t think your uncle don’t like you.
He does, only he don’t show it. I don’t see why you
can’t be contented. I’ve lived here all my days, and
never found the place lonesome.
C. D. You and I are very different, ma’am. There
was more yeast put into my composition, I guess; and
after standing quiet in a warm corner so long, I begin to
ferment, and ought to be kneaded up in time so that I
may turn out a wholesome loaf, else I shall turn sour
and good for nothing. Does that make the matter any
clearer?
Mrs. D. I see what you mean, Christie, but I never
thought on’t before. You be better riz than me; though,
let me tell you, too much emptins makes bread poor
stuff, like baker’s trash; and too much workin’ up makes
it hard and dry. Now fly round, for the big oven is
’most hot, and this cake takes a sight of time in the
mixin’.
C. D. You haven’t said I might go, Aunt Betsy.
Mrs. D. (Sorting ingredients and reading from cookbook).
I ain’t no right to keep you, dear, if you choose
to take (a pinch of salt). I’m sorry you ain’t happy, and
think you might be ef you’d only (beat six yolks and
whites together). But if you can’t, and feel that you
need (two cups of sugar) only speak to your uncle, and
ef he says (a squeeze of fresh lemon) go, my dear, and
take my blessin’ with you (not forgetting to cover with a
piece of paper).
C. D. When I’ve done something to be proud of, you’ll
be glad to see me back again. Yes, I’ll try my experiment;
get rich; found a home for girls like myself; or,
better still, be a Mrs. Fry, a Florence Nightingale, or—
Mrs. D. How are you on’t for stockin’s, dear?
C. D. Thank you for bringing me down to my feet
again, when I was soaring away too far and too fast.
I’m poorly off for stockings, ma’am.
Mrs. D. Don’t you think you could be contented,
Christie, ef I make the work lighter, and leave you more
time for your books and things?
C. D. No, ma’am, for I can’t find what I want here.
Mrs. D. What do you want to find, child?
C. D. Look in the fire and I’ll try to show you. Do
you see those two logs? Well, that one smoldering
dismally away in the corner is what my life is now; the
other, blazing and singing, is what I want my life to be.
Mrs. D. Bless me, what an idee! They are both a
burnin’ where they are put, and both will be ashes to-morrow;
so what difference does it make?
C. D. I know the end is the same; but it does make a
difference how they turn to ashes, and how I spend my
life. I hope my life, like the log which fills the room
with light, may, whether long or short, be useful and
cheerful while it lasts, will be missed when it ends, and
leave something behind besides ashes.
Mrs. D. A good smart blowin’ up with the belluses
would make the green stick burn ’most as well as the dry
one after a spell. I guess contentedness is the best bellus
for young folks ef they would only think so.
C. D. I dare say you are right, Aunt Betsy, but I
want to try for myself. If I fail, I’ll come back and
follow your advice.
Scene: A café in Paris. Time: June 28, 1793.
Characters:
- Robespierre.
- Danton.
- Marat.
Danton. Listen! There is only one thing imminent—the
peril of the Republic. I only know one thing—to
deliver France from the enemy. To accomplish that all
means are fair. Let us be terrible and useful. Does
the elephant stop to look where he sets his foot? We
must crush the enemy.
Robespierre. I shall be very glad. The question is to
know where the enemy is.
Danton. It is outside, and I have chased it there.
Rob. It is within, and I watch it.
Marat. Calm yourselves. It is everywhere, and you
are lost.
Rob. A truce to generalities. I particularize. Here
are facts. In fifteen days they will have an army of
brigands numbering three hundred thousand men, and
all Brittany will belong to the King of France.
Marat. That is to say, to the King of England.
Rob. No, to the King of France. It needs fifteen
days to expel the stranger, and eighteen hundred years
to eliminate monarchy.
Danton. Very well, we will expel the English as we
expelled the Prussians.
Rob. Sit down again, Danton, and look at the map,
instead of knocking it with your fist.
Danton. That is madness! Robespierre, the danger is
a circle, and we are within it. If this continue and we
do not put things in order, the French Revolution will
kill the King of France for the King of Prussia’s sake.
Marat. You have each one his hobby. Danton, yours
is Prussia; Robespierre, yours is the Vendée. I am
going to state facts in my turn. You do not perceive
the real peril. It is the cafés and the gaming-houses.
It is the paper money, the famine, the stock-brokers,
and the monopolists—there is the danger. You see the
danger at a distance when it is close at hand. Yes, the
danger is everywhere, and above all in the centre.
Danton. There, there, there!
Marat. What is needed is a dictator. Robespierre,
you know that I want a dictator.
Rob. I know, Marat. You or me?
Marat. Me or you?
Danton. The dictatorship! Only try it!
Marat. Hold! One last effort. Let us get some
agreement. The situation is worth the trouble. Paris
must assume the government of the Revolution. So be
it. Well, the conclusion is a dictatorship. Let us seize
the dictatorship—we three who represent the Revolution.
We are the three heads of Cerberus. Of these
three heads, one talks—that is you, Robespierre; one
roars—that is you, Danton.
Danton. The other bites—that is you, Marat.
Rob. All three bite.
Marat. Ah, Robespierre! Ah, Danton! You will not
listen to me! Well, you are lost; I tell you so. You do
things which shut every door against you—except that
of the tomb.
Danton. That is our grandeur.
Marat. Danton, beware! Ah, you shrug your shoulders!
Sometimes a shrug of the shoulders makes the
head fall. And as for thee, Robespierre, go on, powder
thyself, dress thy hair, brush thy clothes, play the coxcomb.
Fine as thou art, thou wilt be dragged at the
tails of four horses!
Rob. Echo of Coblentz!
Danton. I am the echo of nothing—I am the cry of
the whole, Robespierre.
Marat. Ah, you are young, you! How old art thou,
Danton? Four-and-thirty. How many are your years,
Robespierre? Thirty-three. Well, I—I have lived
always. I am the old human suffering—I have lived
six thousand years.
Danton. That is true. For six thousand years Cain
has been preserved in hatred like the toad in a rock;
the rock breaks, Cain springs out among men, and is
called Marat.
Marat. Danton!
Danton. Marat talks very loud about the dictatorship
and unity, but he has only one ability—that of breaking
to pieces.
Rob. As for me, I say neither Roland nor Marat.
Marat. And I say neither Danton nor Robespierre.
Let me give you advice, Danton. Do not meddle any
more with politics—be wise. Adieu, gentlemen.