Nuts to Crack; or Quips, Quirks, Anecdote and Facete of Oxford and Cambridge Scholars

About this eBook

Author

Gooch, Richard, 1791-1849

Title

Nuts to crack; or Quips, quirks, anecdote and facete of Oxford and Cambridge Scholars

Credits

Produced by Bryan Ness, and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries)

Language

English

LoC Class

PN: Language and Literatures: Literature: General, Criticism, Collections

Subject

University of Cambridge -- Anecdotes

Category

Text

eBook-No.

42247

Project Gutenberg

https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/42247

Release Date

March 4, 2013

Copyright

Public domain in the USA.

Contents

1. 1.NUTS TO CRACK;
2. 2.Quips, Quirks, Anecdote and Facete — OXFORD AND CAMBRIDGE
3. 3.PREFACE.
4. 4.CONTENTS.
5. 5.OXFORD AND CAMBRIDGE — NUTS TO CRACK; — QUIPS, QUIRKS, ANECDOTE AND FACETE. — WAS OXFORD OR CAMBRIDGE FIRST FOUNDED? — JEU DE POESIE. — THE PRECEDENCE OF OXFORD AND CAMBRIDGE. — THIS CELEBRATED CONTROVERSY — DIED OF LITERARY MORTIFICATION, — SIR SIMON D’EWES, — GONE TO JERUSALEM. — A CUTTING RETORT — LIBERTY A PLANT. — A TAILOR BEING TAKEN BY SURPRISE, — REASONS FOR NOT PUBLISHING. — DECLINING KING GEORGE. — CLASSICAL JEU D’ESPRIT — A TRAIT OF BARROW. — INVETERATE SMOKERS. — LOVER OF TOBACCO, — A WAGER, — GAME IN EVERY BUSH. — NEWTON’S TOAST. — THE PIETY OF RAY, — THE DEVIL LOOKING OVER LINCOLN. — RADCLIFFE’S LIBRARY. — TRAITS OF DR. BATHURST’S WIT AND HABITS. — HE FREQUENTLY CARRIED A WHIP IN HIS HAND, — WHIPPED EVEN TO THE TWENTIETH YEAR. — BE A SMART FELLOW, — MILTON WAS BELASHED — EPIGRAM ON AN EPIGRAM, — TELL US WHAT YOU CAN’T DO? — THE FIRST WOMEN INTRODUCED INTO A CLOISTER. — THE CAMBRIDGE SCHOLAR AND THE GHOST OF A SCRAG OF MUTTON. — COMPARISONS ARE ODIOUS. — JAUNT DOWN A PATIENT’S THROAT. — THIS DIFFERENCE OF OPINION — AN EPIGRAM ON A PETIT-MAITRE PHYSICIAN. — PORSON, — BOASTING AT A CAMBRIDGE PARTY, — BISHOP HEBER’S COLLEGE PUNS. — A WORTHY OF THE SAME SCHOOL, — KEEP HIS DOOR SPORTED FOR A WEEK, — PLUCKED AT THEIR DIVINITY EXAMINATION, — COMPLIMENT TO THE MEN OF EXETER COLLEGE, OXON. — HIS GRACE OF WELLINGTON — ANOTHER OXONIAN WAS POSED, — LAPSUS GRAMMATICÆ — THAT THE LATIN TONGUE BE USED, — EFFECT OF HABIT. — THE CONCUSSION. — COMIC PICTURE OF THE ELECTION OF A PROVOST OF KING’S COLLEGE, CAMBRIDGE. — SIR, DOMINUS, MAGISTRI, SIR GREENE. — HUSBANDS MAY BEAT THEIR WIVES. — ANOTHER ATTACK ON THE LADIES — EXTRAORDINARY DOINGS AT MERTON. — DIGGING YOUR GRAVES WITH YOUR TEETH. — DR. TORKINGTON’S GRATITUDE TO HIS HORSE. — SAY JOHN SHARP IS A ROGUE. — “I SAID AS HOW YOU’D SEE.” — I NOW LEAVE YOU TO MAKE AS MUCH NOISE AS YOU PLEASE. — THE MAD PETER-HOUSE POET. — THE GRACE CUP OF PEMBROKE-HALL, CAMBRIDGE. — THE TERTIAVIT — A MORE CAPACIOUS BOWL — HORN OF DIVERSION, — ANOTHER BIBULOUS RELIQUE — A LAUDABLE AND CHRISTIAN CUSTOM, — THEIR FEAST DAYS, — A MUSICAL MAY-DAY COMMEMORATION, — ODE ON A COLLEGE FEAST DAY. — SIR ROBERT WALPOLE AT CAMBRIDGE. — A COLLEGE DINNER AT THE END OF THE SIXTEENTH CENTURY:— — AN ACCOUNT OF THE WINE, &c., CONSUMED AT A COLLEGE AUDIT. — THE BLACK-NIGHT. — THE FORCE OF IMAGINATION. — HIS ABSENT HABITS, — THE EARLY POETS BRED IN THE HALLS OF GRANTA, — VERY EASY TO WRITE LIKE A FOOL.” — “THE LADY OF THE COLLEGE;” — BOTH THESE ALUMNI, — ‘HE NEVER WAS A BOY.’” — CROMWELL’S PEAR-TREE — OTHER MEMORIALS OF CROMWELL — DRYDEN CONFINED TO COLLEGE WALLS. — EXPELLED FROM CAIUS COLLEGE, CAMBRIDGE. — PRIOR LAID OUT THE WALKS OF ST. JOHN’S — STUNG BY A B. — A NEST OF SAXONISTS. — COLE, RELATES A PLEASANT MISTAKE, — MINDING THE ROAST. — SPECIMEN OF A COLLEGE EXERCISE, — TULIP-TIME. — THE COLLEGE BELL. — COLLEGE FUN. — THE KING OF DENMARK AT CAMBRIDGE. — WILLIAM THE FOURTH, ANNOUNCED HIS INTENTION TO VISIT CAMBRIDGE. — DURING QUEEN ELIZABETH’S SECOND VISIT TO OXFORD, — WHEN QUEEN ELIZABETH FIRST VISITED CAMBRIDGE, — THE FIRST DISSENTER IN ENGLAND, — THE FIRST ENGLISH PLAY EXTANT: — TITLE: — BRIEF SKETCH OF THE PLOT. — A NEWE TESTAMENT IN GREEK, — “SEMPER UNA. — THE SCHOLARS OF CHRIST CHURCH, OXFORD, INVENTED MOVEABLE SCENES. — JAMES THE FIRST AND HIS COURT CAME TO OXFORD, — OXFORD AND CAMBRIDGE SEEMED RIVALS — EXTRAORDINARY DIVINITY ACT, — THE FAMOUS CAMBRIDGE LATIN COMEDY, — TO PLACE THE VICE-CHANCELLOR BEFORE THE MAYOR, — AN OXONIAN AND A BISHOP, — BRIEF NOTICE OF THE BOAR’S HEAD CAROL, AS SUNG IN QUEEN’S COLLEGE, OXFORD, ON CHRISTMAS DAY. — A CAROL BRINGING IN THE BORES HEED. — THIS CUSTOM — RYGHTE EXCELLENTE SONG IN HONOUR OF THE CELEBRATION OF THE BOAR’S HEAD, AT QUEEN’S COLLEGE, OXFORD. — CLEAVING THE BLOCK, — THE MISFORTUNE OF BEING LITTLE. — THE FOLLOWING LATIN EPIGRAM: — IN ENGLISH, AS MUCH AS TO SAY: — BISHOPS BLOMFIELD AND MONK, — PRONOUNCED HIM THE GREATEST SCHOLAR IN EUROPE, — PORSON WAS A GREAT MASTER OF IAMBIC MEASURE, — PORSON AND WAKEFIELD — HE OBTAINED THE SOUBRIQUET OF JUDGE BLACKSTONE. — DR. EDWARD DANIEL CLARKE, — A BALLOON, WITH WHICH HE AMUSED THE UNIVERSITY, — “WITH TOO MANY IRONS IN THE FIRE SOME MUST BURN,” — THREE BLUE BEANS IN A BLADDER. — THE THREE UNIVERSITY BEDELS, — NO SCHOLAR IN EUROPE UNDERSTOOD THEM BETTER. — BENTLEIAN ANECDOTE — THE GREAT GAUDY OF THE ALL-SOULS’ MALLARD. — THE ALL-SOULS’ MALLARD. — ANOTHER OXFORD DREAM PRECEDED THE FOUNDATION OF ST. JOHN’S COLLEGE. — A POINT OF PRECEDENCE SETTLED. — COMPLIMENTS TO THE LEARNED OF BOTH UNIVERSITIES. — “MALLEUS PAPISTARUM.” — “THE WALKING DICTIONARY.” — DOCTOR SUBTILIS; — DOCTOR INVINCIBILIS; — PROFOUND — DOCTOR EVANGELICUS. — THE WALKING LIBRARY;” — “THE WONDERFUL,” — “THE JUDICIOUS.” — JOHN LELAND, — LORD MOUNTJOY — ATTACK THE ERRORS OF LUTHER. — VIR EGREGIE DOCTUS, — “BLANDÆ ELOQUENTIÆ JUVENEM.” — A POINT OF ETIQUETTE. — THE VALUE OF A SYLLABLE. — “COCKS MAY CROW.” — BAND OF PROFANE SCOFFERS — DID NOT THE LESS REVERENCE RELIGION, — THE MEMORY OF JEMMY GORDON, — SIMILAR STORY IS TOLD OF AN OXFORD WAG, — CAMBRIDGE FROLICS. — SWEARING LIKE A COMMON SOLDIER?’ — CASE OF BLACK RASH, — THE FATE OF THE DOCTOR’S OLD GRIZZLE WIG. — TWO OTHER SHOOTING ANECDOTES. — A PARTY OF OXONIANS, — BISHOP WATSON’S OWN ACCOUNT OF HIS PROGRESS AT CAMBRIDGE. — PALEY’S SKETCH OF HIS EARLY ACADEMICAL LIFE. — THE LOUNGER. BY AN OXONIAN. — AN OXFORD HOAX AND A PURITAN DETECTED. — MORE THAN ONE GOOD SAYING — HORACE WALPOLE A SAINT. — A CAMBRIDGE CONUNDRUM, — A BISHOP’S INTEREST. — OXFORD FAMOUS FOR ITS SOPHISTS. — A VICE-CHANCELLOR’S BEING LACONIC. — ‘SOPHISTRIA SECUNDUM USUM OXON.’ — TWO PERT OXONIANS — CORRUPTED THE LATIN TONGUE — THE OXONIANS SURPASSED ARISTOTLE — HE SET ARISTOTLE WITH HIS HEELS UPWARDS ON THE SCHOOL GATES, — THEY FIRST EXEMPLIFIED THE ART OF CUTTING, — CROMWELL’S SOLDIERS AT A DISPUTATION AT OXFORD. — TROOPS BEING RAISED BY THE UNIVERSITY OF OXFORD, — A COPY OF VERSES ON THE DOCTOR’S DEATH. — CAPTAIN RAG — THE THREE DAINTY MORSELS. — ANSWERED IN KIND. — POWERS OF DIGESTION. — A CAMBRIDGE D.D., — THE INSIDE PASSENGER. — PALEY’S CELEBRATED SCHOOL ACT. — HE WAS NOT FOND OF CLASSICAL STUDIES, — HE WAS NOT SKILLED IN PROSODY; — A SPICE OF CUTTING HUMOUR — A RULE OF HIS. — HE WAS UNLIKE DR. PARR. — HE WAS NEVER A GOOD HORSEMAN. — HIS TWO OR THREE REASONS FOR EXCHANGING LIVINGS. — A DISCIPLE OF IZAAK WALTON, — HIS WAY WHEN HE WANTED TO WRITE. — A CONTRAST TO DR. GOLDSMITH, — PALEY’S DIFFICULTIES A USEFUL LESSON TO YOUTH. — IN HIS POVERTY HE WAS LIKE PARR. — PORSON, TOO, WAS A CONTRAST TO PALEY. — ANECDOTE OF THE GREAT LORD BURLEIGH AND THE DISSENTERS OF HIS DAY. — OTHER SAYINGS OF THIS GREAT MAN — PORSON’S PROGRESS IN KNOWLEDGE. — A GENTLEMAN WITHOUT SIXPENCE IN HIS POCKET. — GREEK PROTESTANTS AT OXFORD. — JUDGMENT OF ERASMUS ON THE CAMBRIDGE FOLK. — BEDMAKERS OR GYPS. — DROPS OF BRANDY. — THE DIRTY-SHIRT CLUB. — DESSERT FOR TWENTY. — A HINT FOR GOWNSMEN. — MARVELLOUS STRIDES ON THE ROAD TO WEALTH, — ANOTHER SPECIES OF FRAUD — THE SOURCE OF DR. PARR’S ELOQUENCE. — ADDRESS TO HIS TEA-CHEST, — AS A SPICE OF THEIR JOINT VANITY, — ASSURING HIMSELF A PLACE AMONGST THE GREEK SCHOLARS OF HIS DAY. — ANOTHER SPICE OF HIS VANITY — I STILL MAINTAIN MY OPINION.” — IT IS THE PRIVILEGE OF WOMEN TO TALK NONSENSE.” — REPROOFS OF IGNORANCE TALKING WITH THE CONFIDENCE OF KNOWLEDGE. — BEING MUCH ANNOYED — HE MATCHED A TRICK OF THE DEVIL. — THREE CLASSICAL PUNS: — HIS LAW ACT AT CAMBRIDGE. — “THERE IS A PLEASANT STORY — AN ACT KEPT BY DR. MILNER, — EPIGRAM — NOVEL REVENGE. — THEY TAKE THEM AS THEY COME. — THE DARLING SON OF HIS MOTHER, — MISCALCULATING MAMMA, — PRESENTING HIS FAVOURITE SON — ITER ACADEMICUM; OR, THE GENTLEMAN COMMONER’S MATRICULATION. — A STORY — FRESHMEN OFTEN AFFORD MIRTH — ANOTHER FRESHMAN — WE MUST DO SOMETHING FOR THE POOR LOST YOUNG MAN. — LIKE O’ WHISSONSET CHURCH. — CUSTOM, WHIM, FASHION, AND CAPRICE, — A HEAVY FINE TO APPEAR IN BOOTS. — YELLOW STOCKINGS. — THE FASHION OF THE HAIR — THE FIRST PRELATE THAT WORE A WIG — THE OXFORD SCHOLARS WERE PROHIBITED FROM WEARING BOOTS AND SPURS. — UNDERGRADUATE, WHIPPING, — ARCHBISHOP BANCROFT — WAKEFIELD’S EPIGRAM ON THE FLYING BARBER OF CAMBRIDGE, — THE ISTHMUS OF SUEZ. — YOU ARE TO PRAY AND FIGHT, NOT TO DRINK FOR THE CHURCH. — SIGNS OF A GOOD APPETITE. — A COLLEGE QUIZ. — SUCKING THE MILK OF BOTH UNIVERSITIES — LIKE RABELAIS, — AMBASSADORS OF KING JESUS AT OXFORD. — A SURPRISING EFFORT OF INTELLECT. — JUDGMENT OF PROFESSOR HALLIFAX. — THE CELEBRATED OXONIAN, DEAN TUCKER, — OH! FOR A DISTICH. — SKELETON SERMONS. — I WISH HE HAD PAID IT FIRST. — A MIND TO MAKE TRIAL OF THE STOCKS, — LORD CHIEF JUSTICE PRATT, — HISSING VERSUS MONEY. — TWO OXFORD SCHOLARS POSING DR. HAYES, — GROSS INDEED. — PUN UPON PYE. — THE CAMBRIDGE FAMILY OF SPINTEXTS — DOCTOR ISAAC BARROW, — DOCTOR SAMUEL PARR. — ANOTHER CLASS OF PREACHERS — THE THREE-HEADED PRIEST. — MY BEEF BURNT TO A CINDER. — SHORT HAND WRITING WAS INVENTED BY A CANTAB, — THE HUMBLE PETITION OF THE LADIES. — A NATURAL TURN FOR HUMOUR, — INGENIOUS REPARTEES — CELEBRATED ALL OVER GERMANY. — REBUSES AT OXFORD AND CAMBRIDGE. — BECKINGTON. — ALCOCK, — EGLESFIELD, — ASHTON. — LAKE LEMAN. — SOMETHING IN YOUR WAY. — DUNS — ODE ON THE PLEASURE OF BEING OUT OF DEBT. — QUEERING A DUN. — GRAY THE POET A CONTRAST TO BISHOP WARBURTON. — VALUE OF A WORD SPOKE IN DUE SEASON, — THE CANONS OF CRITICISM, — BISHOP BARRINGTON’S SPLENDID GIFT, AND OTHER TRAITS OF HIM. — AN ADMIRABLE PULPIT ADMONITION — THE SIMPLICITY OF GREAT MINDS. — “OF WHAT COUNTRY MARINES WERE?” — WATCH DOING TO A TURN IN THE SAUCEPAN. — A HOST OF SINGULARITIES — HIS WIG AND HAT FELL INTO THE WATER, — HIS TRIPLE, THRICE-CONFUSED DISCOURSE, — THE CELEBRATED LORD SANDWICH, — THE INVENTOR OF SANDWICHES. — LAPSUS LINGUÆ. — OXFORD AND CAMBRIDGE LOYALTY. — THE CUSHION PLOT, — THE DANGER OF DRINKING THE KING’S HEALTH. — “THE CONSTITUTION CLUB,” — AMONGST THE CAMBRIDGE CLUBS — THE RETROGRADATION AMONGST MASTERS, TUTORS, AND SCHOLARS. — THERE IS AN ON-DIT, — THE WORCESTER GOBLIN. — RECORDS OF THE CAMBRIDGE TRIPOSES. — THE WOODEN SPOON. — THE POLL; OR, ὉΙ ΠΟΛΛΟΙ: — ODE TO THE UNAMBITIOUS AND UNDISTINGUISHED BACHELORS. — A RARE MATHEMATICAL WIND.” — “HE WAS RAISING APPLE-PIE TO THE T th POWER:” — THE CLASSICAL TRIPOS AND THE WOODEN WEDGE. — A PREVIOUS EXAMINATION — SYLLOGISTIC EXERCISE FOR THE LITTLE-GO MEN. — A DREADFUL FIT OF RHEUMATISM. — DR. PARR AN INGRATE. — MON DIEU—LE DIABLE. — SOME CRITICAL CIVILITIES. — BENTLEY SAID OF JOSHUA BARNES, — SIR BUSICK AND SIR ISAAC AGAIN. — COLE: DEUM. — THE FRESHMAN’S PUZZLE. — A SLY HUMOURIST. — A STORY OF A NOBLE OXONIAN, — IT IS RELATED OF THE SAME OXFORD WAG, — WAS A PERSON OF SUCH CONSUMMATE GRAVITY, — INVENTORY OF GOODS FOR SALE.
6. 6.NEW WORKS

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