In Paris there are parties for all tastes, all social ranks, all
professions, all shades of opinion; in a word, for all classes.
A young man with tact and breeding may go everywhere; nothing is so easy
as to obtain admission to the enormous parties, the gorgeous fêtes and
balls, which are so popular that people go thither in crowds and do not
see one another. The master and mistress of the house do not know the
names of half the men who crowd their salons. In the best society it is
customary for an invited guest to introduce whomsoever he may choose,
without asking permission. The newcomer salutes the host and his wife;
they exchange the conventional phrases, smiling at each other most
amicably; that is all that is necessary; and one may then proceed to
play cards, dance, and regale one’s self, without paying any further
attention to the master of the house.
It is not so easy to obtain admission to what are called bourgeois
parties. There the host, being a little more particular than the banker
or marquis of the Chaussée d’Antin, likes to know the people who come to
his house. When one young man introduces another to him, he inquires his
name, his profession, and his character; indeed, there are some who
carry their absurd prejudices so far as to turn a cold shoulder to young
men whose too free and easy manners do not please them. But this
extreme severity of morals is found only in the Marais or in the heart
of Faubourg Saint-Germain.
Between the first society and the bourgeoisie, between etiquette and
license, there are the delightful circles, distinguished by amiable
freedom of manner, artless gayety, and a pleasant intimacy; these are
generally to be found among artists. The arts go hand in hand; genuine
talents are not jealous of one another; they esteem, seek out, and
appreciate one another; that is why we find among them wit without
malice, jesting without bitterness, rivalry without envy, merit without
arrogance, and wealth without display.
Next come the strange, abnormal parties, which are made up from all the
others. The people who give them do not know how to receive company; but
they insist upon having company all the time, because it is good form to
give soirées, and in these days no one is willing to lag behind his
neighbor. For my part, I am in the habit of going only where I am
invited by the host himself; I do not like to be introduced by another
guest, unless it be at one of those crushes to which one goes as one
would go to the theatre; and one may stay away from a second one without
being taxed with discourtesy, because there is no danger of having been
noticed at the first.
The function of Monsieur and Madame Vauvert may be placed in the last
category. The master of the house fancied that he was a musician, but he
had never in his life been able to beat a measure in three time, or to
observe a minim rest or a crotchet rest, although he used his feet, his
head, and his hands. He thrummed a little on the guitar; and when he had
succeeded in accompanying some little ballad, without falling in with a
minim rest or a crotchet one on the way, he was the happiest of men.
Add to this an enduring passion for the fair sex, to which he paid
assiduous court, despite his wife, a nose always smeared with snuff,
soiled clothes and frills, strong breath and shifty eyes, a figure of
medium height and a body that was always trembling, and you will have an
idea of Monsieur Vauvert, who was a very good fellow in spite of his
trifling faults, and whose greatest crime was not to be virtuous and
orderly at forty-five. Gayety is of all ages, but libertinage is a
different matter.
“If there’s a time for folly,
So there’s a time for sense.”
And I trust that at forty I shall be as virtuous as I now am the
opposite. But let us come to Madame Vauvert.
She must once have been good-looking; the trouble was that she insisted
upon continuing to be so. Her complexion was still fresh and ruddy, even
when she was ill; which tempted unkind tongues to say that she made it
herself. She was not familiar with the manners of good society, but by
way of compensation she had a vast deal of curiosity and an
extraordinary talent for setting people by the ears, while seeming never
to speak ill of anyone; she also had a very pronounced penchant for
good-looking youths and for chocolate.
Still, Madame Vauvert’s parties were very entertaining, because there
was not the slightest restraint, everyone did what he chose, and one was
certain of meeting a lot of original people and of seeing some new faces
at every party. Most of those who appeared there simply passed on and
off, as in a magic lantern; those whose only aim was to be amused went
again and again. I was one of the latter; so Vauvert had come to call me
his dear friend, while his charming spouse always greeted me with a
most gracious little smile.
As Monsieur Vauvert was only a government clerk, he did not live on the
first floor; but on his reception evenings he caused candle ends to be
placed along the staircase, so that the artists and amateurs might not
break their noses before reaching the third floor above the entresol. He
had no servant, but he had a nephew some fourteen or fifteen years old,
who was junior clerk to a notary; a sly, mischievous youngster, whom his
dear uncle tried to make useful on his festal days, which displeased the
young man, who on those occasions always returned home later than usual
from the notary’s, in order not to be at the service of his uncle and
aunt. It was nearly ten o’clock when I arrived at Monsieur Vauvert’s;
the company rarely assembled before that hour, for the petty bourgeois
try to mimic the nobility, and think it good form to arrive very late at
a party. Musicians, whether amateurs or professionals, love to keep
people waiting; and I believe that, in due time, evening parties will
not begin until the next morning.
I rang. The door was opened by Madame Vauvert; whence I concluded that
the young nephew had not yet returned.
“Ah! here you are, my little Dorsan; it’s very good of you to come; we
shall have a lot of people to-night.”
“You will have? Do you mean to say that your guests haven’t arrived
yet?”
“Some of them are late; but it’s early yet.”
“Not very.”
“We have a tall young lady from the Conservatoire, who has a magnificent
voice.”
“The deuce!”
“And a lady who plays the ‘cello.”
“Great heaven! why, here it’s as it is at Nicolet’s: always worse and
worse!”
“Ha! ha! what a funny fellow!”
“What music have you had already?”
“Nothing yet.”
“What! nothing? and it’s ten o’clock! For whom are you waiting to begin
your concert?”
“Little Martin hasn’t come yet, to play the piano accompaniments.”
“Isn’t his sister here?”
“Yes, but she won’t play to-night; she’s sick; she’s having one of her
nervous attacks.”
“Ah, yes! that’s quite natural. But where’s your husband?”
“He’s gone out to get a ‘cello part and to borrow a second violin, so
that we can have a quartette.”
“It seems to me that it would have been well to set about it a little
sooner.”
“Why, the poor man’s been running his legs off ever since dinner. He had
to fetch Madame Rosemonde and her daughter, then go to the musical
instrument maker’s for a double bass, then send for Mademoiselle
Luquet’s harp, then go to make sure that Monsieur Crachini could come;
in fact, there’s no end to what he’s had to do!”
“I can see that he has had his hands full.”
“And that little rascal of a Friquet doesn’t come home! I hope his uncle
will give him a good trouncing to-night. But come in, my dear fellow.”
Our conversation was held in a narrow passage leading on one side to the
dining room, which did duty as bedroom and dressing room, and on the
other to the salon. I entered this last-named apartment, where the
regular habitués and the newcomers were assembled. Everyone was
wondering what the host and hostess could be doing, that no one had seen
them; everyone was calling for them, and asking why the music could not
begin; but not one of the singers was willing to sing first, and the
instrumentalists seemed no better disposed.
“It seems to me that things aren’t likely to go very well to-night,”
said a short, pockmarked man, who waddled up to me, smiling maliciously,
whose nose was hidden by his bulging cheeks, and whose eyes one sought
in vain behind his spectacles. “Almost ten o’clock, and nothing doing;
you must agree that it’s disrespectful to the company! Poor Vauvert!
passing his evening scouring the neighborhood for instruments and
scores! It’s amusing enough! There are not two houses like this in
Paris.”
“That is just why it’s so priceless. But aren’t you going to sing
to-night?”
“Yes; I’ve brought my song from Jean de Paris; it’s called the
Princesse de Navarre.”
“I seem to remember that you sang that to us at the last reception.”
“So I did; but I haven’t had time to learn anything else; and then, you
know, it’s such a fine thing!—
“‘’Tis the Princesse de Navarre whom I annou—ou—ounce!’
Gad! how pretty it is!”
“Yes, when Martin sings it, it’s delightful. Shall we have much singing
to-night?”
“Oh! we shall have some sport. Raymond is to sing the aria from
Joconde; that tall girl yonder is to sing the inevitable song from
Montano et Stéphanie; the pupil from the Conservatoire has brought a
song, too; and Monsieur Crachini will obligingly deafen us with a
romanza or two. Then Chamonin and his friend are to make an attempt at a
duo from the Bouffes. That’s enough, I hope! God grant that Gripaille
doesn’t take his guitar to accompany us! if he does, we are lost.”
As the chubby-faced little man finished speaking, Gripaille accosted
him, and was greeted with:
“Well, my dear Gripaille, aren’t we to have the pleasure of hearing you?
Come, bring out your guitar; these ladies are dying for some of your
chords.”
Gripaille, who considered himself the first guitarist in Paris, replied,
casting a seductive leer upon the ladies who surrounded us:
“What the devil do you expect me to sing you? I don’t know anything!
I’ve got a cold, too; and then, Vauvert’s guitar is such a wretched
instrument! a regular chestnut stove! it’s impossible to play on it.”
“With such talent as yours, one can play on anything,” observed a little
old woman, throwing herself back in her chair and clasping her hands
ecstatically, while tears of pleasure started from her eyes. “Mon Dieu!
what blissful moments I owe to you! Music produces such an effect on
me—such an effect! you can’t form any idea of it; my nerves are so
sensitive, I abandon myself so utterly to the melody! Take your guitar,
enchanter! take it and make me dream! You remind me of a handsome
traveller who played the guitar under my windows when I was young!”
The chubby-faced gentleman and I turned away, to avoid laughing in the
face of the old woman, from whom Gripaille had great difficulty in
extricating himself. Old age is certainly most worthy of respect; but it
is hard to keep a serious face before such old idiots, who fall into a
trance during a ballad or an adagio.
I saw the old man who usually played the ‘cello part look at his watch,
and heard him mutter between his teeth:
“This is very disagreeable! I must be at home at eleven o’clock, and we
are wasting all this time doing nothing; and I’ve been here since seven!
They were laughing at me when they told me that they were going to begin
early, and that there would be a full quartette here; but they won’t
catch me again.”
At last Monsieur Vauvert appeared, panting, almost breathless, drenched
with perspiration, and bending beneath the burden of a tenor violin and
several portfolios of music.
“Here I am! here I am!” he exclaimed, bustling into the room with an air
of great bewilderment; “I’ve had hard work collecting all the parts, but
I’ve succeeded at last.”
“You must have been diverting yourself between whiles,” said Madame
Vauvert, pursing her lips.
“Oh, yes! parbleu! that’s very likely; diverting myself, indeed! I’m
bathed in perspiration!—You can begin the quartette, messieurs.”
“Let’s begin, let’s begin!” said Monsieur Pattier, the ‘cello player;
“we have very little time.—But have you brought my score?”
“Yes, yes! there it is on the stand.”
“Come, messieurs, let’s tune up.”
The amateurs who formed the quartette tried to bring their instruments
in tune with one another. Meanwhile, the guests took their places to
listen; sat down when they could find chairs. The ladies were already
yawning; the bare announcement of a quartette gave them the vapors; to
distract their thoughts, they chatted with the men who stood behind
their chairs. They whispered and laughed and made fun of everybody,
especially of the performers; the moment when music is being performed
is always selected by the listeners to make the most noise.
At last the intrepid amateurs were in tune and took their places at
their desks. The old ‘cello player had put his little shade of green
paper round his candle, so that the light should not hurt his eyes; the
tenor violinist had put on his spectacles; the second violin put an
ounce of rosin on his bow; and the first violin adjusted his cravat so
that his instrument should not rumple his collar.
All these preliminaries being completed,—during which Vauvert tried to
bring the assemblage to order by many a prolonged hush!—the first
violin raised his bow and stamped on the floor, glancing from one to
another of his colleagues.
“Are we ready?” he said at last, with a determined air.
“Oh! I’ve been ready two hours!” retorted Monsieur Pattier, with an
angry shrug.
“One moment, messieurs,” said the second violin; “my first string is
loose; it’s a new string; I must tighten it.”
The tenor seized the opportunity to play over a passage that seemed
rather difficult, and the ‘cellist consoled himself with a pinch of
snuff.
“Now I’m ready,” said the second violin.
“That’s very fortunate.—Attention, messieurs, if you please; we will
play the allegro rather slowly, and the adagio somewhat quickly;
that produces a better effect.”
“As you please; it’s your place to beat time.”
The signal was given; the first violin started, and the others straggled
after, as usual. Although I paid little attention to the quartette, it
seemed to me to be even worse than ordinarily.
“The villains have sworn to flay us alive!” said one of my neighbors.
“That isn’t right! that isn’t right!” cried the first violin, stopping
short.
“I don’t see why it didn’t go well enough,” observed the tenor.
“No, no! there was something that was all wrong.”
“Where was it?”
“Where? I can’t say exactly.”
“Well, I didn’t miss a note,” said the second violin.
“Nor I.”
“Nor I.”
“Come, messieurs, let us begin again.”
“All right, but see that you beat time properly.”
“I should say that I beat time loud enough.”
“To be sure you do,” said Madame Vauvert; “and the person who lives
underneath said she would complain to the landlord.”
They began to play again; but it went no better, although the first
violin writhed and gesticulated like one possessed; the company began to
laugh, and the performers stopped.
“It certainly doesn’t go right,” said Monsieur Longuet, the first violin
and conductor. “There must be mistakes somewhere; let me see the ‘cello
score. What does this mean? you’re playing in B flat and we in D!
Parbleu! I’m not surprised.”
“I’m playing just what you told me to,” rejoined old Pattier, scarlet
with anger; “the first quartette in the first portfolio.”
“True; how the devil does it happen? Let’s look at the title. What do I
see? Mozart’s quartette! and we are playing one of Pleyel’s! Ha! ha!
that’s a good one!”
Everybody laughed at the episode; Monsieur Pattier alone was furious
over the mistake, for which Vauvert was responsible, and which resulted
in preventing the performance of the quartette. He rushed up to the
master of the house, who had just seated himself in a corner of the
salon beside a young brunette on whom he was bestowing meaning glances.
“How’s this, Monsieur Vauvert? You tell me that you have brought the
score that was missing, and you give me the bass of a Mozart quartette
when we are to play one of Pleyel’s!”
“I thought I heard you mention Mozart.”
“You thought! a man doesn’t make such mistakes as that!”
“Well! I’ll go and change it.”
“No, no, it’s no use; almost eleven o’clock; a pretty time to go out
after music! I shan’t forget this trick.”
Père Pattier went away, muttering savagely; nobody paid any attention to
him. Madame Vauvert scolded her husband for his blunder, and the company
congratulated themselves on their escape from the quartette; while the
tenor, who was determined not to be squelched, persisted in trying the
brilliant passages of his part. Neighbor Raymond had just arrived, with
his favorite piece under his arm. I noticed several new faces, and I was
looking about for Madame Bertin and her daughters, who seldom came to
Monsieur Vauvert’s, whose decidedly mixed society was ill suited to
well-bred young ladies, when I heard the confused murmur that announces
the arrival of a new personage.
I looked toward the door of the salon. A very stylishly dressed lady was
being escorted into the room by Vauvert, on whose arm she leaned, and
whose soiled linen, snuffy nose, and awkward manner were in striking
contrast to the grace, the refinement, and the elegant manners of the
lady, for whom he tried to find a seat in his salon, where vacant chairs
were as scarce as at Tivoli. I spied one by the fireplace, upon which a
huge cat lay asleep; I threw the cat to the floor, and presented the
chair to the newcomer, who thanked me as she accepted it. Thereupon I
examined her more closely, and recognized the lady whom I had seen at
the theatre two nights before, and whose carriage I had made a vain
attempt to follow. I was fully convinced that it was she when I saw in
the doorway the man who accompanied her on that occasion.
Decidedly that Saturday evening was destined to mark an epoch in my
life; for chance had thrown in my way all the persons who had then
attracted my attention. I was Nicette’s friend, I hoped to be Caroline’s
lover, and as for this other lady, whose name I did not know as yet, I
was ready to bet that we should become better acquainted.
Neighbor Raymond, who lost no time when he hoped to win applause, had
already approached the piano and was looking about for someone to
accompany him. But Monsieur Gripaille, seeing that no one asked him to
sing, or paid any attention to him, ran and seized the guitar, seated
himself in the centre of the salon, and prepared to begin. Singing is
always the most popular part of a concert, especially a concert of
amateurs, where those who play upon any instrument are rarely good
enough players or good enough musicians to give pleasure to their
audience. A quartette entertains none but those who take part in it; a
sonata on the piano makes people yawn; airs with variations for the harp
are always twice too long, and pieces for the guitar always fall flat
after other instruments. Only for singing, therefore, does the audience
at such affairs care to cease its conversation; a pleasant voice never
wearies the attention or the ears.
But Monsieur Gripaille had not a pleasant voice—far from it; it was a
continual medley of falsetto, shrill notes, and transitions of an
octave, the whole accompanied by the thrumming of his thumb on the bass
chord of the guitar, while he shook his head from side to side to add to
his personal charms. However, the airs he sang were sometimes tuneful,
the words amusing, and his performance diverted the company for a
moment. But as he always sang the same things, we knew them by heart;
and when he once had the guitar in his hands, it was impossible to make
him put it down; after the ballad came a rondeau, after the rondeau a
comic song, after the comic song another ballad, and so on. I was not
bored, because I was talking with the new arrival, who seemed vastly
astonished at all that she saw, and very glad to find me there; for she
recognized me, and I saw that my presence was not disagreeable to her.
But soon I heard neighbor Raymond and the man with spectacles
objurgating Gripaille because he did not stop singing.
“It’s horrible! it’s murderous! it’s enough to put you to sleep!” said
Raymond; “he’ll never stop!”
“Oh! when he once has his guitar, we are lost! there’s nothing to do but
let him sing.”
“And he doesn’t want anyone to make a sound, either; not even to speak.
See! he’s glancing angrily in this direction now, because we’re
talking.”
“I don’t care if he is; it’s altogether too much; tunes that he’s sung
to us twenty times!”
“He says that he wrote them.”
“He lies; I’ve seen them printed under another name.”
“Great God! I believe he’s beginning another one. That fellow ought to
be forbidden to enter a salon.”
“Faith, yes! let’s call Vauvert, and tell him to make him shut up.”
“He wouldn’t dare.”
“I’ll tell you; we must have some young lady escorted to the piano;
perhaps that will compel Gripaille to give up his place.”
The two men ran after Vauvert, who was in the utmost perplexity, for he
did not know how to request his friend Gripaille to cease to entertain
the company. At last, a tall, stout young woman consented to sing; young
Martin arrived to play the accompaniments, and they were escorted to the
piano. Gripaille pretended not to see what was going on, and played the
prelude to his sixth comic song; but the noise in the dressing room,
where a party of young men had assembled who could not find room in the
salon, forced the guitarist to abandon the contest; he rose very
ill-humoredly, despite the faint forced applause, and for lack of
something better to do sat down in front of the little old woman, who
had been partly in a trance and partly in heaven throughout his singing.
“Come,” she said to Gripaille, as he approached, “come, let me embrace
you! You have enchanted me—exalted me to the skies—that is the word!
Come, I entreat you!”
The wretched guitarist was compelled to submit; he embraced the old lady
with a good grace; admirers are rare, and one has to pay dear for them.
My neighbor spied me and came to me with outstretched hand; but he
halted in front of my fair unknown, to whom he made a sweeping bow. The
devil of a fellow seemed to know everybody. I listened to their
conversation.
“Whom do I see? Madame de Marsan! by what chance? Really, this is a
happiness I did not expect! To what are we indebted for this pleasant
surprise?”
“Monsieur de Marsan meets Monsieur Vauvert sometimes at the department,
and Monsieur Vauvert has been urging him for a long time to come to his
concerts; so to-day we decided to come;—but I confess,” she said,
turning to me, “that I did not expect all that I see.”
“We will try, madame, to give you so much pleasure that you will not
regret your evening.”
Thereupon my neighbor ran to the piano, doubtless to preëmpt the place
next to the tall young lady. But the little chubby-faced man had
anticipated him, and I foresaw that we could not escape the Princesse
de Navarre.
While the young woman was singing her air from Montano et Stéphanie,
being forced to give up my chair to a damsel who was looking about in
vain for a seat, I went for a breath of air to the dressing room, where
a number of young men had taken refuge, driven from the salon by the
shrill cries of the singer. At that moment the doorbell rang; Vauvert
opened the door, and little Friquet appeared. I expected a scene between
the uncle and the nephew, and I waited to hear.
“Where have you been, you rascal?” demanded Vauvert, trying to assume an
imposing air.
“Why, uncle, I have been—I have been at the office.”
“At your office, until eleven o’clock at night!”
“Yes, uncle.”
“You don’t expect to make us believe that, I hope?”
“Why not, uncle?”
“Because I know that you leave it every night at nine o’clock.”
“The head clerk gave me some errands to do, uncle; that is what made me
so late.”
“Errands! I know how you do errands! I’ve been hearing about you, young
scoundrel that you are!”
“In the first place, uncle, I am not a scoundrel.”
“Your head clerk told me that the day before yesterday morning, while
they were waiting for a very urgent paper that they’d sent you to have
signed, he found you sitting coolly under Pont des Arts, fishing.”
“Me, uncle, me! My word, what a lie!”
“He has the face to deny it, when I have proofs of the fact!”
“Proofs? what proofs?”
“Look, Monsieur Friquet, here’s a package of hooks that I found in your
coat pocket. Well! what do you say to that?”
“That doesn’t prove anything, uncle; I didn’t buy those hooks for
myself.”
“For whom did you buy them, then?”
“For my brother, who means to go fishing in the Canal de l’Ourcq on
Sunday.”
“You’re the most shameless liar I know. I’ll bet that you bought a
theatre check to-night, and that you’ve been to see the end of some
play.”
“You know perfectly well that I haven’t got any money, uncle.”
“Oh! you always have money to go to the theatre and to stuff yourself.
Come, monsieur, fill the glasses and pass them round to the ladies.”
“That’s it!” muttered the little nephew, turning angrily on his heel;
“as soon as I get home, I have to be uncle’s servant, they’d better get
a negro. And then, the first thing in the morning, aunt sends me to get
her milk and her fuel, and lights for her cat.”
“You seem to be arguing the matter!” said Madame Vauvert, pinching
Friquet’s arm; “there! that’s to teach you to grumble.”
“Ow! how mean to pinch me like that, aunt! I shall be black and blue for
a week.”
“So much the better!”
“Mon Dieu! how ugly she is!” muttered Friquet; and I saw him, for
consolation, take a slice of cake out of his pocket and swallow it in
three mouthfuls.
But the shrill sounds had ceased; the tall young lady was no longer
singing. The little chubby-faced man took her place; he was determined
to sing his air from Jean de Paris, and we had to resign ourselves.
While he struggled to hold out his notes, coughing at every ritornelle
to make us believe that he had a cold, I saw the other singers look at
each other, make signs, yawn, and compress their lips. In truth,
amateurs are more unkind than professionals, and they who are in great
need of indulgence for themselves are always ready to tear others to
tatters. They think to conceal their own mediocrity by calling attention
to their neighbor’s lack of talent; self-esteem, which blinds us to our
own defects, impels us to seek out with avidity the faults of others, as
if we were the gainers thereby! What folly! Because Monsieur So-and-So
sings false, does that give you a fine voice? because he plays the
violin badly, are you the better performer on the piano? because another
is ugly, awkward, and ridiculous, are you any handsomer, more graceful,
and more agreeable? Of course not; but it is always pleasant to see
people at whom one can poke fun, and whom we believe to be less
abundantly endowed by Nature than we. Remember that Roquelaure joyously
threw himself on the neck of a man who seemed to him even uglier than
himself. But, monsieur, what a difference! Roquelaure sacrificed his
self-esteem; but you, had you been in his place, would have made sport
of the man he embraced, and, turning to look in a mirror, would have
deemed yourself handsome, I vow.
The Princesse de Navarre being duly executed, the little man made the
circuit of the salon, trying to pick up a word of praise, even from
those whom he had so recently declared to be ignorant of music; for
praise is always pleasant. Everybody told him that he had sung very
well; that was inevitable; we were well bred, which means that we had
ceased to be frank. I alone ventured to observe that he seemed to have a
cold; he turned as red as a turkey cock, and his nose vanished
completely.
“That is so,” he said at last; “I have a very bad cold; it embarrassed
me a great deal.”
“Why did you sing, then?”
“Oh! people urged me so hard!”
And I had seen him dispute with Raymond for the opportunity! What
strange creatures men are! But, hush! my neighbor was going to sing;
that deserved attention. But, no; two other men anticipated him; they
sang an Italian duet, I believe; but it was difficult to understand the
veritable hotchpotch they made at the piano: one shook his head to mark
time, as a bear dances behind the bars of his cage; the other, who was
evidently very short-sighted, kept his nose glued to the music. The
young man who acted as accompanist tried in vain to make them sing
together: it was impossible.
“You’re behind,” said one.
“That’s because I skipped a line.”
“Well, go on!”
“You go too fast; you hurry me. I never saw the music before, and to
sing Italian at sight is devilish hard.”
I was sure that he had been studying his part for a fortnight. Despite
their efforts, they were obliged to leave the duet half sung.
“We will sing it the next time,” said Monsieur Chamonin; “we shall be
surer of ourselves then, for the piece needs to be carefully studied.
Rossini is very chromatic.”
“That’s so,” said Vauvert, stuffing his nose with snuff, a part of which
remained on his shirt front; “it’s a pity you didn’t finish it, for I
thought it was very pretty.”
“We’ll go and hear it once more at the Bouffons.”
“They had better stay there,” said Gripaille, in an undertone, delighted
by their misadventure.
“For my part, I don’t care for Italian,” said Madame Vauvert. “I never
can hear anything but tchi and tcha; and it doesn’t amuse me in the
least.”
“Oh! what blasphemy, madame! not like Rossini!”
“Who’s Rossini, uncle?” inquired the youthful clerk, who had stolen into
the salon. “Seems to me I’ve seen that name, in Don Quixote.”
“The idiot, to mistake Rosinante for Rossini! Go and wash the glasses,
booby, and don’t mix in the conversation again.”
At last my neighbor was at the piano, and had opened his mouth to an
enormous width to inform us that he had “long wandered o’er the world.”
But at that moment we heard the notes of a ‘cello, and Vauvert appeared
with a music stand, which he placed in the centre of the salon.
“What on earth are you doing there?” shouted Raymond; “don’t you see
that I am singing?”
“Madame Witcheritche is going to play her solo on the ‘cello.”
“In a few minutes; I am singing now, I tell you. Madame Witcheritche can
play afterward.”
“No, she wants to play now, because it’s getting late.”
And paying no heed to the mutterings of Raymond, who, in his wrath,
overturned the candlestick on the piano, Vauvert arranged the music
stand, then went to usher in the German virtuoso, whom I had not
previously noticed. She was a very handsome woman, very fair and
somewhat insipid, like most German women, but well built and graceful;
she held the ‘cello between her legs with astonishing ease, and seemed
not at all abashed. She played easily and with excellent taste; and I
saw by the long faces of the members of the quartette that they had not
expected to encounter in one of the other sex a musical talent in
presence of which they could no longer hope to shine.
I heard a voice at my ear incessantly repeating:
“Gut, gut, sehr gut; tudge lidely, holt te pow firm; lidely on te
shtrings!”
I turned and saw a hideous face looking first at the performer, then at
the company, making grimaces for tokens of approval, and rolling about a
pair of eyes that reminded me of Brunet’s in the Désespoir de
Jocrisse. The owner of that extraordinary countenance was a tall man in
a threadbare green coat, of vulgar aspect, and with pretentious airs
which made him even more ridiculous.
“Who is that individual?” I asked one of my neighbors.
“That’s the husband of the lady playing the ‘cello.”
“What! such a disgusting face approach that charming head! What an
outrage! It reminds me of a Satyr beside a Hebe.”
“Still, the lady seems to be fond of her husband.”
“It’s easy to see that she’s a foreigner. What does this husband of hers
do?”
“Nothing; he’s a baron.”
“A baron! I should never have suspected it; he looks more like a
cobbler. But in Germany everybody’s a baron, just as in Russia all the
soldiers have decorations; it doesn’t mean anything.”
Monsieur le Baron de Witcheritche, who, as he rolled his eyes about, had
doubtless observed that I was looking at him, came to me as soon as his
wife had finished, and began to converse with a smiling face. I have
observed that the Germans smile a great deal when they are talking. I
regretted that it was not courteous to laugh in a person’s face, for
Monsieur le Baron de Witcheritche was very amusing to look at,
especially when he wished to make himself agreeable. I wondered what he
wanted of me.
“I’ll pet tat monsir is ein egsberd on te ‘cello. Monsir is ein much gut
blayer himself, hein?”
“I, monsieur? you are mistaken; I do not play at all.”
“Oh! you vish not to admit it; I can tivine all at once te innermost
toughts of bersons py tare faces.”
“The deuce! you are very fortunate, Monsieur le Baron de Witcheritche!”
“I haf shtudy te human heard; I am most egsberd in physsionomique.”
“What do you say, monsieur le baron?”
“I say I am ein egsberd in physsionomique.”
“I don’t understand at all.”
“In physsionomique.”
“Oh! you mean physiognomy.”
Monsieur le baron turned on his heel, without a smile. The best way to
rid one’s self of a foreigner is to pretend not to understand him.
Meanwhile my little dialogue with Monsieur de Witcheritche had caused me
to miss Monsieur Crachini’s romanza. I was sorry, for he always combined
with his singing an expressive pantomime which made it doubly
interesting. While various other amateurs entertained the company, I
looked about for Raymond; for being unable to find a seat beside Madame
de Marsan, I was anxious to obtain some information concerning her, and
my neighbor was the very man to give me that.
He was not in the salon. I went into the smaller room, where my entrance
brought to an abrupt close a whispered conversation between Vauvert and
a fair-haired lady who had been in the dining room an hour, looking for
her shawl amid a multitude of bonnets, mantles, and shawls which were
tossed pell-mell on the bed of the host and hostess.
“Are you leaving us already?” said Vauvert, in a melting voice, glancing
behind him to see if his wife was coming.
“Yes, it’s very late; I must go home.”
“My nephew will escort you.—Friquet! Friquet!”
Friquet appeared, and swore between his teeth at having to escort the
blonde lady; he spent an interminable time looking for his hat and
exclaiming in the lady’s ears that it was a nuisance to go out so late
and go home with everybody. His uncle pulled his ears, and I joined
Raymond, who was exhaling his vexation at the dressing room window.
“Aren’t you going to sing, neighbor?”
“Is it possible to do anything here, I should like to know? Did you ever
see such confusion? such disorder? I don’t know where I am! I’ve told
Vauvert a hundred times to draw up a programme and paste it on a mirror;
then everything would go off in an orderly way. But, no; he won’t listen
to anything! he amuses himself pinching and squeezing such little girls
as he can find in the corners, instead of attending to his concert.”
“It is certainly true that it might be managed better.”
“The idea of giving us a concerto for the ‘cello that there’s no end to;
just to grate on our ears! And then, I don’t care what you may say, a
woman who plays the ‘cello is always absurd! It reminds me of a man
darning stockings; and madame la baronne would do much better to stay at
home and darn hers than execute staccatos and arpeggios.”
“What do you say? a baroness darn stockings?”
“Oh! nonsense! a pretty baron he makes! I saw him the other day on
Boulevard du Temple, buying apples at a sou a bag; and he was haggling
too! He bought sausage by the yard for his dinner; and someone who’s
been at his house told me that they gave him gooseberries for
refreshment! But this Vauvert’s a star! he tries to make us believe that
he entertains princes, ambassadors perhaps! whereas his house is a
veritable Noah’s Ark.”
“By the way, you seem to know Madame de Marsan?”
“Madame de Marsan? yes, to be sure; I go to her parties. She’s a fine
woman, rather a flirt, as you must have seen; but she has wit and good
breeding and style; she’s a woman who calls herself twenty-eight, and is
really thirty-two. She is known to have had several passions; but as
she doesn’t advertise them and is always regardful of decorum, there’s
nothing to say: morals before everything. The husband is a good sort of
fellow, very sharp, they say, when his own interests are concerned. He’s
in business; but he’s not one of those poor devils who run about for a
fortnight to discount a note which will be worth a commission of seven
or eight francs to them; or one of those who offer you with an air of
mystery houses that are advertised in the Petits-Affiches. This fellow
knows what he’s about, and makes a lot of money. He has a fine country
house, beyond Saint-Denis, in which madame has had a pretty little
theatre arranged; in fact, I am to act there very soon. She’s a valuable
acquaintance; for there’s lots of fun at her house. I myself have been
there twice, and I know that they think a great deal of me. If you
choose, my dear fellow, I’ll take you there; if introduced by me, you
will be warmly welcomed.”
“Thanks; but, as you know, I don’t like to be presented in that way.”
Raymond left me, to return to the piano; he had not lost all hope of
getting himself heard. I knew all that I wanted to know concerning
Madame de Marsan. I returned to the salon. I had reason to believe that
the lady was questioning my neighbor about me, and I knew that I need
not be afraid of losing her good opinion through Raymond’s description
of me, for he was one of those men who like to pretend that they have
none but the most desirable acquaintances. I was in comfortable
circumstances, and he had probably represented me as very wealthy; I was
born of respectable parents, and he had probably placed me in one of
the oldest families in France; and so on. To be sure, Madame de Marsan
might have been told that I was fickle, inconstant, treacherous; but
those failings never do a man any harm with the ladies.
A selection had just been performed on the harp; the performer had made
but one mistake, had had to tune her instrument but twice, and had
broken but four strings; we had no cause of complaint. Raymond had left
Madame de Marsan, to find an accompanist, and threatened, if he failed
in his quest, to accompany himself; by dint of hunting, urging, and
entreating, he succeeded in bringing young Martin to the piano; he began
to cough and expectorate, changed the position of the candles, ordered
the windows to be closed, and struck an attitude supposed to represent
Joconde. But a murmur arose on all sides; the young women ran to
Monsieur Vauvert, the young men surrounded his wife; they had been
promised a contradance; it was almost twelve o’clock, and if it was
postponed any longer there would be no dancing. The hosts acceded to the
prayers of their younger guests.
“We are going to dance!” shouted Vauvert, as the court bailiff cries:
“Silence, please!”
Instantly everything was in a ferment in the salon; the young men
hastened to engage partners, the chairs were moved away to make room,
and the guests who did not dance were requested to retire to the
corners.
Raymond stood at the piano with his mouth open; he thought that he must
be mistaken; he could not believe his eyes; I believe that he was
actually going to begin his aria; but instead of the prelude from
Joconde, young Martin struck up a figure of Pantalon. My neighbor
could not digest this final blow; he seized his music in a hand which
shook with wrath, and, thrusting it under his arm, rushed across the
salon like a madman, colliding with the dancers, and receiving kicks
from the young men who were in the act of balancing to partners; I am
convinced, however, that he did not feel them.
“Monsieur Raymond is going away in a rage,” observed a lady to Madame
Vauvert, with a laugh; a lady whose hair was dressed à la Ninon, but
had lost its curl and was floating in the air in long wisps, although
she had taken the precaution not to remove her curl papers until she was
on the staircase.
“Bah! I don’t care for that,” replied Madame Vauvert; “he bores us to
death with his songs, and with the poetry he insists on reading to us;
it’s always the same thing!”
At that moment, Raymond, whom I supposed to have left the house,
appeared at the door of the salon and called out angrily:
“My hat, Madame Vauvert, I want my hat, where is it? It’s a lamentable
fact that one can never find one’s things in your house.”
“Pardi! your hat isn’t lost.—Mon Dieu! I don’t see my cat! I put her on
a chair by the fireplace. Why did anyone move her—poor Moumoute? The
door of the landing is often open; she’s gone out, and she’ll be
stolen!—Moumoute! Moumoute!”
The dancing continued, no heed being paid to Madame Vauvert’s
lamentations and Raymond’s demands; the dancers were determined to
compensate themselves, by a moment’s enjoyment, for several hours of
ennui; and those who were afraid that their turn might not come took the
precaution to move back the hands of the clock while Vauvert’s back was
turned and his wife was looking for her cat.
I invited Madame de Marsan, and after much ceremony she consented to
dance with me.
“What an extraordinary house!” she said to me.
“I find it delightful, since I have met you here.”
“But as it is probable that you will not meet me here again, and as I
desire to see you again, I trust, monsieur, that you will do me the
honor of coming to listen to a little music at my house.”
I accepted, as may be imagined; and after the dance was over, I prowled
about the husband, with whom I entered into conversation. I talked of
speculation, houses, châteaux, and the stock market with him; I took
pains, without ostentation, to mention my name, to speak of my family
and my means. In any other house, I should not have done so; but in such
a mixed assemblage, I was not anxious that he should place me on a level
with people, who, although very estimable no doubt, were nothing more
than that; and in the opinion of many men that is not sufficient
distinction. On the whole, I was satisfied that Monsieur de Marsan found
me rather agreeable; it is so easy to catch people by the sensitive
spot—that is to say, when they have one.
When young women begin to dance, it is much the same as when a poet
begins to recite his verses: there is no reason why they should ever
stop. But Madame Vauvert, thinking that they were making too much noise,
and afraid of angering her landlord, had already said several times:
“This will be the last.”
But the last never came to an end.
Friquet, who had returned in high dudgeon because he had been obliged to
escort a lady home, stole behind the dancers and looked at the clock;
then he hastened to inform his uncle that the hands had been set back,
so that they marked only twelve o’clock when it was nearly one. Vauvert
consulted his watch, saw that his nephew was right, and concluded that
it was incumbent on him to show some resolution, and that his dignity
required him to turn his guests out of doors at once.
He immediately extinguished the lamps in the four corners of the salon,
leaving only a few candles lighted; and the young men were about to
extinguish them as well, and thus make the scene more amusing, when
Vauvert took possession of them and harangued the company thus:
“I have already told you that it is time to go; my wife is indisposed,
and I am surprised that anyone should continue to dance against our
wishes.”
This courteous speech made everybody laugh, and they hurried into the
dressing room to prepare for departure. But there the confusion and
disorder reached their climax. The ladies called for their shawls,
mantles, bonnets, and slippers; the singers demanded their music or
their instruments; they made mistakes, and many could not find what they
wanted; the young men hovered about the ladies, on the pretext of
assisting them, but really because such crushes are most propitious to
lovers and amateurs. One tied a ribbon, another put on an overshoe,
another held a little foot while the slipper was being removed. Amid the
tumult, mothers called their daughters, husbands their wives, brothers
their sisters. But those ladies were far too busy to answer. They were
whispering, squeezing hands, making appointments, arranging other
meetings; in truth, the moment of departure is not that at which the
guests enjoy themselves least.
I tried to save Madame de Marsan the trouble of looking for her shawl in
that crowd; I went into the bedroom, and succeeded, not without
difficulty, in reaching the bed, on which the bonnets and wraps were
piled; my hand, seeking a shawl, came in contact with a firm and
well-rounded form, which I was not seeking, but which I embraced as a
matter of habit, and because I thought that it belonged to a lady with
whom I was very intimate. But the lady, who was stooping over the bed,
and whose back only could I see, turned suddenly. Horror! it was not she
whom I thought! I proceeded to entangle myself in apologies, but she
gave me a most tender and amiable smile, which seemed to invite me to
continue. Faith! I admit that I should not have expected it on the part
of the lady in question, who, in the salon, played the prude, the
straitlaced, stern moralist. Trust appearances, who will! I have already
said that I never would; but a great many people say that, and still
allow themselves to be deceived.
At last everyone had succeeded in finding what he or she sought.
Friquet, who was anxious to go to bed, had been standing a long while on
the landing, candle in hand, ready to light us downstairs. As for the
master and mistress of the house, they had manifested clearly enough
their desire to see the last of us; so we started down. It was quite a
little procession; everyone took the hand of his favorite and descended
the stairs, laughing heartily over the evening’s entertainment. The
young men were very noisy, because Vauvert had urged them to be silent
on account of his neighbors. On the second floor, a young man upset the
candlestick that Friquet carried, and we found ourselves in utter
darkness.
We all roared with laughter. The mammas scolded the perpetrator of the
mischief, the young ladies did the same, but I have reason to believe
that many of them were not very angry.
“Idiot! he’s always doing such things!” Vauvert shouted at his nephew
from the top of the stairs.
“I didn’t do it, uncle,” replied the clerk; “somebody knocked my candle
out of my hand on purpose.”
“I not untershtand vy tay do amuse temselfs py making us near fall town
and may pe hurt ourselfs,” muttered the Baron de Witcheritche, whom I
believed to be very jealous of his wife, and who was made uneasy by the
darkness.
“Holt tidt to te rail, my tear,” said the baroness, in a flutelike
little voice, “and tague care ov my Shtradifarius.”
“Your Shtradifarius is chust te ting tat makes me frighted.”
We went down carefully and very softly. I held Madame de Marsan’s hand,
and I did not complain of the darkness; but the little clerk, who had
relighted his candle at the porter’s lodge, returned with his light just
as we reached the lowest stair. I noticed then some changes in the order
of departure; some mantles awry, some faces very much excited, and many
eyes fastened on the ground, doubtless because the light made them
smart; but I do not mean to suggest any implications unfavorable to the
virtue of the ladies in question, married or single.
The moment to say farewell had arrived. I saw diverse poor fellows who
lived near the Palais-Royal doomed to act as escort to feminine families
from the heart of the Marais. I saw young ladies manœuvre to take the
arms of their chosen friends; I saw many a wife sigh as she took her
husband’s arm. I should have seen much else, no doubt, if it had not
been dark. But Madame de Marsan and her husband were in their carriage;
and he, learning that I lived on Rue Saint-Florentin, obligingly offered
me a seat. I accepted without hesitation. Decidedly Monsieur de Marsan
was a most agreeable man.
“There’s no one else!” Friquet shouted to the concierge, as he closed
the porte cochère.
“That’s very lucky,” replied the concierge, closing his door. “Past one
o’clock. Your uncle will have notice to quit, I promise you. He makes a
great show, gives evening parties, and keeps people up all night, and
all for nothing! When a man wants to cut such capers, he should have a
house to himself.”