Zabra’s disposition appeared to have undergone
a complete change. He was no longer to
be found in the cabin delighting every one
with the stirring eloquence of his language, or
on the quarter-deck instructing the gentle
Lilya in the wonders of the ship. Instead of,
as had hitherto been the case, seeking the
company of Oriel Porphyry as the greatest
enjoyment he possessed, he had for several
days avoided every place where they were
likely to meet. He roamed about the vessel
without attempting to converse with either
officers or crew, and if any one ventured to
address him, the proud look with which the
speaker was regarded, as the young creole
turned away, was sufficiently repulsive to prevent
the experiment being repeated. Even
those with whom he had used to be on terms
of intimacy, the captain and the young midshipman,
were passed by with the same gloomy
look. Every one wondered at the change, and
all were ignorant of the cause.
Oriel more than once sought him for the
purpose of inquiring the reason of his strange
conduct, with the intention of endeavouring to
induce him to return to his usual place, as his
friend and companion; but the youth fled
from his approach so determinedly, and treated
his messages with such a studied neglect, that
the young merchant, imagining that Zabra was
in one of his mysterious moods, at last abandoned
all intention of interfering, expecting
that in a day or two he would become more
reasonable, and join in the cabin circle as
usual. Oriel Porphyry had observed so much
in the behaviour of his friend that was extraordinary,
that he had ceased to be surprised
by the strange way in which he frequently
acted. His conduct, therefore, in this instance,
did not excite in him any particular attention
or remark. But no one appeared to regard
Zabra’s unsocial manner with so deep an interest
as Lilya. She felt severely his estrangement
from her society: all her pleasures
seemed to be completely annihilated by his
absence. It was evident that his kind attentions
had not been lost upon her grateful
disposition, for she was too artless to disguise
her feelings, and her sentiments in his favour
seemed too evident to be misinterpreted. His
handsome features, so warm and eloquent in
their expression—his lustrous eyes, shining
with so soft a light—and his youthful figure,
so buoyant and elastic, had from the first
awakened in her breast a feeling of surprise
and admiration that was both strange and
delightful. A new world seemed rising before
her eyes. She entered into a different state of
existence. All around her breathed an atmosphere
of happiness that made her previous
pleasures appear dull and cold; and then she
found no enjoyment except in being near him,
and when he kindly endeavoured to lead her mind
to the contemplation of such subjects as were
likely to interest, to amuse, and instruct her
simple nature, as the fire of youthful enthusiasm
shone in his brilliant gaze, and his
intellectual countenance kept changing its
expression in accord with the different feelings
which the subject created, she held her breath,
as if she thought that there was something in
what she saw that the least disturbance would
destroy; and hung upon his words as if there
was a charm in their sound which, once destroyed,
could never be created again.
In the lessons with which he sought to
enlighten her untutored intellect, her feelings
had participated. Her timid nature acquired
confidence in his presence. She more frequently
sought than shrunk from his society;
and she forgot that she was alone upon the
world without a single connecting tie to associate
her with its sympathies. It was from
such feelings as these that she was first disturbed
by Zabra’s unaccountable and unkind
behaviour. In vain she endeavoured to find a
reasonable cause for such conduct in any thing
she had done; she knew nothing in which she
could have offended, except in not having
appeared sufficiently grateful to Oriel Porphyry;
and this fault of hers she reflected on
so long, that she began to regard it as something
particularly heinous, and became daily
more desirous of attempting, by a different
behaviour, to repair the wrong she had committed.
She strived as much as possible to get rid of
her natural bashfulness, and sought out the
young merchant with the design of repairing
her fault in the best way she could. After
considerable hesitation and frequent desire to
turn back as she proceeded, she ventured as far
as the cabin door; where, after waiting a considerable
time, daring neither to go on, or to
return, she knocked gently. A voice kindly
bid her come in, and with a palpitating heart
she opened the door and entered.
“Ah, Lilya!” exclaimed Oriel, who sat
alone studying a book of military exercises,
“this is an unexpected pleasure.” Then
hastening towards her with a smile of welcome,
he led her blushing and trembling to the sofa.
“I hope you will not any longer be such a
truant as you have proved yourself,” said the
young merchant, kindly.
“Have I been a truant?” asked the timid
girl.
“Yes you have, and a very sad truant
too,” replied Oriel Porphyry, with a smile.
“How sorry I am!” murmured Lilya,
looking deeply concerned, though she knew not
what wrong she had committed.
“Well, I will forgive you if you will promise
not to repeat the offence,” said Oriel.
“You must let me see you more frequently.
It is not kind of you to absent yourself from
your best friends. Remember that in me you
will always find a friend ready to do any thing
that is likely to insure your happiness. Will
you promise me, that you will not keep away
from me as you have done?”
“If you will forgive me, I will promise
any thing that is proper for me to do,” replied
the bashful maiden, appearing by her downcast
eyes afraid to look upon her companion.
“Of course I will forgive you,” responded
the other affectionately, taking one of her
hands in his. “There can be very little
difficulty in my doing that.”
“But there is something else,” said Lilya,
trembling like a condemned criminal.
“What else can there be?” inquired Oriel.
“Something else for you to forgive,” replied
the timid girl.
“Indeed, I was not aware of its existence,”
responded the young merchant. “Tell me
what it is. It will give me pleasure to forgive
you.”
“I have never told you how grateful I am
for your kindness to me,” murmured his fair
companion in a voice scarcely audible. “But
indeed I feel it. I cannot help seeing how
good you are, and—and—and I like you very
much for it.”
“You are an admirable creature,” exclaimed
Oriel Porphyry, apparently delighted with her
unaffected simplicity; “and it will be a great
source of pleasure to me to be able to assist in
creating your happiness. As for gratitude,
there is no necessity for that, at any rate, at
present; but when I have succeeded in insuring
you all the blessings I wish you to enjoy, you
may be as grateful as you please.”
“And you forgive me for my neglect?”
asked Lilya, looking up to his face imploringly,
and then instantly casting her eyes to the
ground.
“Forgive you!” cried her companion kindly,
“you have committed no fault. But if it be
any satisfaction to you to receive my forgiveness,
it is readily granted; indeed, I feel so
much pleasure in conferring it, that I hope you
will very soon either commit the same or a
similar fault, that I may be allowed the same
enjoyment I now possess.”
“No, I will not do so again, because that
would be wrong,” observed the bashful maiden;
“I should be unworthy of your kindness
if, after you had once been so good as to forgive
me for a fault I had committed, I committed
the same fault again.”
“In truth, you are a most admirable creature,”
exclaimed the young merchant, with
impressive emphasis. “But what can I do to
make your stay in the ship more endurable.
Your being used to roam at will over the wide
fields and open valleys of your native land,
must make this voyage appear very tedious.
I should like to vary its monotony for you as
much as possible. Have you a desire for any
pleasure I can gratify?”
Lilya looked confused, the colour in her face
disappeared and returned, and she tried once
or twice to raise her eyes from the ground to
the face of her companion; but as soon as she
had elevated them about half way, she let them
fall, and seemed as if she had not courage to
make another effort.
“You don’t answer me, Lilya,” said Oriel
Porphyry. “Do not be afraid of asking for
what you require. I wish your time to pass
as pleasantly as I can make it, and you will
afford me gratification as well as yourself by
giving me an opportunity for increasing your
enjoyments. Tell me what it is you most wish
to be done.”
“I wish Zabra would be as he used to be,”
exclaimed the simple girl, and an expression of
sadness became visible upon her beautiful
features.
“So do I,” replied the young merchant;
“but I have done every thing to induce him
to become so, without success. I cannot tell
what it is that makes him act so strangely; but
he is a strange creature at all times, and as I
have allowed him to do as he pleases, I am
afraid nothing I could say or do would make
him become more rational. He avoids every
attempt I have made to prevail upon him to
take his place amongst us as usual, and I have
therefore no remedy now but patience.”
“He never used to be so,” murmured
Lilya.
“He appears to have taken offence at something
or somebody, but what the cause is I do
not pretend to know,” said Oriel. “I am
sure I have said or done nothing at which he
ought to have felt offence.”
“I thought he was offended with me, because
I did not tell you how grateful I was for your
kindness,” observed his companion.
“I doubt that that is the cause,” replied
the other. “But it is my opinion that, if any
one can bring him back to his former behaviour,
it is yourself, Lilya.”
“Me!” exclaimed the blushing maiden;
“I bring him back to be what he was! Oh I
wish I could!”
“I think you have only to try and there is
no doubt of success,” remarked Oriel: “Go to
him, be kind to him; tell him how much you
are afflicted by observing him abandon all his
friends, and assure him how happy it will make
you to see him exerting himself in the same
social offices in which he used to take delight.”
“Do you really think that would be of use?”
inquired Lilya, as she raised her eyes till they
met those of her companion.
“There is not a doubt of it,” replied he.
“Then I will go this moment,” she exclaimed;
and leaping from the sofa, she hastened
out of the cabin.
Zabra was alone bending over his harp and
striking a series of melancholy chords. He was
so completely lost in his own reflections, which
evidently from the gloomy expression of his
countenance were far from being pleasant, that
he did not observe the approach of Lilya. The
first notice he had of her vicinity was in feeling
his hand timidly laid hold of; and on turning
his head round, he beheld her gazing on him
anxiously and kindly close at his side.
“What brought you here? Why do you
follow me? Is there no place where I can be
secure from your intrusion?” were the quick
inquiries of the young musician, as with a stern
look he snatched his hand from the hold of the
timid girl.
“Indeed I have no wish to offend you,
Zabra,” said Lilya, feeling quite confounded
with the unfriendly reception she had met with.
“I come to you, because I think you are unhappy.”
“Who told you I was unhappy?” asked
Zabra, sharply; “and what is my unhappiness
to you?”
“It is much, because it makes me unhappy,”
replied the simple girl; “and I thought you
were unhappy, because you have abandoned all
your friends, and deprived me of the pleasure
you used to confer.”
“I did not abandon them till they showed
themselves unworthy of my companionship,”
said the youth proudly. “Do you think I can
sit quietly to become the victim of deceit and
treachery? Do you imagine I can stand tamely
by while the heart I worship is ensnared by
another? No! I cannot endure it, and I will
not. I wish to be alone.”
“And will you not return to your place
among the friends who delight in your presence?”
inquired the bashful maiden; “they
are very anxious to see you. And I—I should
like you—I should very much like you to be as
you used to be; for then you were so kind, and
talked to me so delightfully, and appeared so
very happy.”
“I was very happy then,” exclaimed her
companion, in a voice tremulous with emotion.
“I loved and believed myself loved in return.
But it is all over now; I have been deceived.
Go and leave me.”
“And if you did love, Zabra,” murmured
Lilya without daring to move her eyes from the
ground, “if you are sure you loved—I think
I’m convinced—that is, I mean, that if you do
love, you must be loved in return.”
“No, no! I saw it too plain,” observed
Zabra. “It’s beyond a doubt; it is evident—palpable—I
cannot be mistaken. Why do
you waste your time here? Have I not told you
I wish to be alone?”
“Oh! do not look upon me so sternly,” exclaimed
the gentle girl, with tears in her eyes;
“indeed I wish to make you happy. I will
never offend you. I will be all you desire. I
will listen to you with the most perfect attention,
and carefully remember every thing you
tell me. Come, Zabra, come!” she continued,
as she ventured tremblingly to lay hold of his
hand. “Let me lead you to the kind friends
who are so desirous of your presence; let me
assure you that you are loved,” she added, as
she raised the hand she held in her own to her
lips, and pressed them softly and quickly upon
it, and then, as if alarmed by her own temerity,
she hastily dropped it and stood blushing and
trembling by his side.
“No, no! I tell you no! I am not loved.
I know it too well. Why do you come to me
with your affectionate words and fond endearments?
Take them to Oriel Porphyry; he can
best appreciate them,” said her companion.
“Well, I will if you wish it, Zabra,” replied
the simple girl. “I would do any thing to
please you.”
“No doubt you would,” exclaimed Zabra
sarcastically.
“Yes I would, Zabra; and I will go this
moment and do what you require me:” and
she had scarcely uttered the words before she
hurriedly left the presence of her companion.
Zabra sat alone at his harp, half doubting in
his mind whether it was simplicity or artifice
that Lilya had exhibited; but as he remembered
what both had confessed, he felt the
conviction that she was again endeavouring to
deceive him; and the miserable feeling thus
created he endeavoured to express in the following
words:—
“Be not deceived, fond heart,
Be not deceived;
Words are but sounds, and looks changing and vain;
None are believed, fond heart,
None are believed:
When they delude, never trust them again.
“Seek not for truths, sad heart,
Seek not for truth;
Truth’s in the grave, and there only will stay;
Maiden and youth, sad heart,
Maiden and youth:
Each will beguile and then each will betray.
“Love is a dream, fond heart,
Love is a dream;
Clothed with delight for the heart and the eye;
Bright though it seem, fond heart,
Bright though it seem,
Sleep not—you dream but to wake—and to die!”
“Mustn’t allow you to sing such melancholy
ditties, don’t you see,” exclaimed Dr. Tourniquet,
standing before the young musician,
where he had been for several minutes.
“They make every body miserable and yourself
too; and besides this they are very
hurtful in their effects upon the system. They
are a sort of sedative that affect the head and
the heart at the same time—prevent eating,
drinking, or sleeping with any thing like a
healthy state of feeling. Allow me the privilege
of an old friend to ask you what’s the matter
with you?”
“Alas! it is a malady beyond the reach of
medicine!” exclaimed Zabra mournfully.
“That’s to be proved, don’t you see,” replied
the doctor. “I have for some days noticed you
running into holes and corners away from all
your friends. It is both unreasonable and unsocial.
I don’t pretend to know what has
been the occasion of it; but as you have acquainted
me with your secret, I can make
a shrewd guess. Ah! this love’s a terrible
thing.”
“After having been assured you were beloved,”
said the young musician; “after
having convinced your own heart that your
affection was returned with the same ardour
with which it was given, to find doubt follow
doubt, till a certainty that you were not loved
gradually forced itself on your mind—this,
this is terrible.”
“But that cannot have been your case, don’t
you see,” exclaimed Tourniquet. “You cannot
doubt—there’s nothing for you to dread.”
“It is too true. I have been deceived,” replied
Zabra, and his features became overcast
with a deeper melancholy. “All that I have done
has been unavailing; all that I have dared has
been cast to the winds. To be the sole possessor
of one heart I thought would be a sufficient
recompense for all my past sufferings,
and dangers, and difficulties; but now I have
discovered the unwelcome truth, that another
has acquired the ownership of what I strove so
earnestly to gain. Oh shame on the treachery
that can allure a trusting soul into the conviction
that its sweet hopes are acknowledged and its
fond dreams replied to! and then, as a new face
or a more beguiling nature comes upon the
scene, will turn to it with a fondness which
should have been confined to the sincere one,
and leave all those hopes and dreams to be
crushed under the withering touch of despair!”
“I’ll wager my professional skill you’re
mistaken, don’t you see,” said the doctor.
“But who do you imagine to be the guilty
parties?”
“Oriel and Lilya,” replied his young companion.
“It can’t be, don’t you see,” remarked
the other. “I’m a little older than you are,
and a better judge of character; and from the
result of my own observations, I feel certain
that neither of them are capable of such conduct.
Oriel Porphyry is noble, and is more
sincere in his character than any man I ever
met with; and Lilya is the most artless, shy,
unsophisticated creature that ever existed.
You must be wrong, don’t you see.”
“Both of them have acknowledged it to
me,” said Zabra; “both have confessed to
me their mutual regard. Yes, it is too true.
It is placed beyond the possibility of a doubt.”
“Without meaning any offence to you, I
can’t believe it, don’t you see,” said the doctor
good humouredly. “You have been deceiving
yourself. There is a little bit of jealousy in
the case, depend upon it. And though I maintain
that jealousy is usually a very reasonable
passion; for it is impossible for one who has
thought himself the owner of the affections of
another, to find a third party regarded as their
possessor, without feeling a considerable degree
of indignation: I think, in this instance, there
is no cause for it.”
“I wish I could think so! I most fervently
wish I could think so!” exclaimed the youth
earnestly. “Nothing could gratify me so much
as to find my suspicions unfounded; but the
facts are so clear that the most credulous would
be convinced.”
“Ah! lovers are the worst people in the
world to argue with, don’t you see,” remarked
Tourniquet with a smile. “They are always
convinced of something that no one else would
entertain for a moment. They believe without
a proof, and deny without a cause. With all
due respect for you, I must say that love is the
greatest folly upon earth. I don’t mean to say
that I have not had my follies, don’t you see;
for I have had a very fair share of them. I
remember my first folly of the kind very well.
I had commenced my medical education under
the auspices of an old uncle of mine. He was
exceedingly like all other uncles from the creation
of the world to the present time. He
was obstinate, peevish, domineering, and quarrelsome,
and was blest with a daughter, as all
uncles are that have a nephew to reside with
them. I was then a youth remarkable for the
pains I took in my clothes and in my personal
appearance; in fact, my dandyism was so conspicuous
that I was ashamed to look a dog in
the face for fear he should acknowledge me as
a puppy.
“All at once I thought it was highly necessary
I should be in love, don’t you see; so I
brushed up my bits of whiskers, held my head
as high as I could, and looked about me. My
eyes quickly fell upon the charming Papaverica.
To be sure her hair was as much like
a bundle of scorched tow as it was possible to
be; but of course I called it an auburn. Her
nose was a lump of flesh; but of what shape it
would have puzzled a geometrician to decide;
yet I declared it was Grecian; and her mouth
was a mouth—there was no mistaking it, and
it gave an openness to her countenance more
than usually expressive; and of course I swore
it was like two cherries seeming parted. Then
her body showed that she was somebody. It
might have been as thick as it was long, for its
length was nothing to brag of. As for her
feet, Papaverica was not a girl to stand upon
trifles. But whatever her figure was like, I
had no difficulty in convincing her it was the
very perfection of grace and beauty.
“I fell in love. Papaverica was medicine,
surgery, and anatomy to me. The pharmacopœia
was neglected, the vade mecum thrust
on one side. I forgot drugs and dressings,
lancets and laudanum. I had no taste for
mixtures, and my soul was above pills. My
thoughts were ever wandering towards the
charming Papaverica; and as it is not possible
for the mind to entertain two thoughts at the
same time, my labours in making up the medicines
for my uncle’s patients occasionally produced
very strange effects. Potions and lotions,
cathartics and emetics, pills and squills, were
mixed together in what was not considered
‘most admired disorder;’ for my uncle’s stick
spoke of any thing but admiration. But my
blunders were most conspicuous in writing the
labels. In giving the directions for a mixture
I was sure to write ‘Papaverica, when taken
to be well shaken’—for a draught, ‘Papaverica
to be taken at bedtime,’—and for a
lotion that had been repeated, ‘Papaverica as
before.’
“All this time we met, and made love after
our fashion, don’t you see. Papaverica and I
looked at each other till we couldn’t see out of
our eyes, and sighed like paviers at work on a
hard piece of ground. But her father tried to
put a stop to our proceedings; and if he caught
me talking to her, he gave me such a setting
down, or more properly, speaking, such a
knocking down, as gave me cause to remember
the conversation.
“‘Fathers have flinty hearts!’ said the sympathising
Papaverica.
“‘And desperate thick sticks!’ I exclaimed,
with tears in my eyes, as I rubbed my aching
back against the door. However, this sort of
thing could not go on for ever. I was sent to
pursue my studies at Columbus, and I lost
sight of Papaverica—I may add, for ever; for
she soon afterwards eloped with a strolling
actor who had been vagabondising in the
neighbourhood, and who had won her heart
by playing Romeo in a cocked hat and leather
breeches.
“My next folly was of a different kind.
I was a young student as fond of mischief as
any of the fraternity to which I belonged.
I was invited to an evening party, where
among the company, I noticed a young girl
with a laughing, dare-devil eye, and a person
remarkably smart. I inquired her name, and
from a friend learned all the particulars of her
history. Observing that she was regarding me
in a manner that told me that she was quizzing
me to her companions, I advanced, humming
an air till I came close before her.
“‘Ah Floss!’ said I, nodding familiarly.
‘Is it you? Haven’t seen you this age.
You look particularly charming; and how is
your grandmother? Shouldn’t suppose you
half so old as you are, to look at you. And
has the cat kittened? I always admire your
style of dress—it’s very becoming. So the
house dog’s got well at last! Being an old
friend of the family, you must really make
room for me beside you.—How is your aunt’s
toothach?’
“The girl at first stared at my impudence,
don’t you see; but, finding I proceeded with
the same nonchalance, making all sorts of heterogeneous
remarks and inquiries, she laughed
heartily, in which she was as heartily joined by
her companions, and we became intimate in a
moment. We joked and romped in the most
provoking manner, and said the smartest things
of each other that could possibly be conceived.
I found that she lived with an aged grandmother
and an old maiden aunt, in a small
house in a retired part of the town. I watched
my opportunity when I saw the two old women
go out to take their evening walk, and gave
such a tremendous knock at the door that it
made the windows rattle again. As I expected
my charmer opened the door, and in I marched
as stately as an emperor.
“‘Halloo, sir, where are you going? This
is like your impudence, certainly!’ said she,
not knowing whether to be most offended or
amused at my behaviour.
“‘I have come to honour you with a little
of my superfluous time, Floss,’ I replied in an
easy, condescending manner.
“‘You have, have you? then I shall just
thank you to make the best of your way back
again,’ she rejoined as she followed me into the
parlour.
“‘I shall do nothing of the kind, Floss, till I
please,’ said I, as observing some decanters of
wine on the table I began very quietly to help
myself; ‘and I have the pleasure to drink your
health, Floss, and a good husband to you—when
you can get one.’
“‘You impudent jackanapes!’ she exclaimed,
as she observed me toss off a bumper. ‘This
exceeds every thing I ever heard of.’
“‘I always strive to excel, Floss,’ I replied,
flinging myself at full length on a sofa. But
come here. Come to me like a good girl. I
have something to say to you.’
“‘Go to you! I’ll see you farther first!’ she
cried, looking as disdainfully as she could.
“‘Very well,’ said I, rising and retreating a
few paces: ‘now come to me—you see me
further.’
“‘I shan’t do any thing of the kind, Mr. Impudence,’
she exclaimed, trying to hide her
laughter.
“‘Then if you wo’n’t come to me, I shall be
obliged to go to you, which is a great hardship,’
I observed as I advanced towards her.
“‘If you come near me I’ll scratch your eyes
out!’ cried Floss, looking monstrously fierce;
yet I could easily see by the corners of her
mouth that she was very much disposed to
laugh, so I still approached.
“‘If you touch me I’ll box your ears!’ she
exclaimed, beginning to look more serious.
“‘Don’t be alarmed, Floss; you wouldn’t
hurt a hair of my head, I know,’ said I, as I
attempted to insinuate my arm round her waist.
‘Ha, will you?’ she cried; and she gave me a
slap of the face that made my teeth rattle in
my mouth like a box of cherry stones. I was
not to be easily driven from my purpose, so I
attempted to make good my hold, but immediately
received a box on the ear that made me
see all the colours of the rainbow.
“‘You haven’t the heart to hurt a fly,’ said I
very coolly, while I endeavoured to throw my
left arm over her left shoulder, to get the command
of her arms; but in the execution of this
manœuvre, I received a shower of blows that
would have made a less eager lover than myself
glad enough to leave the field.
“‘What means this behaviour, sir?’ exclaimed
my charmer, endeavouring to look
expressively angry, and struggling with me
with all her might.
“‘I mean to honour you so far as to kiss you,
Floss,’ I replied very quietly, though smarting
from the pain of the blows.
“‘I’ll scream—I’ll raise the house—I’ll cry
murder—I’ll——’
“‘I’m remarkably fond of music,’ said I, interrupting
her; and in a moment afterwards I
had both her arms tightly pressed to her body,
and her face blushing and looking angry a few
inches beneath my own.
“‘I’ll never let you see me again as long as I
live—I’ll hate you—I’ll——’
“Her mouth was stopped by mine, and every
time she attempted to speak I repeated the
same interesting ceremony, which she struggled
unavailingly to prevent; but with this revenge
I was not satisfied.
“‘Let me go, sir; let me go this minute!
You wretch, don’t you see how you’re rumpling
my collar! Let me go, I command you!’
“‘Before I do that I shall first allow you the
pleasure of kissing me,’ said I, with as much
condescension as I could assume.
“‘Kiss you!’ cried Floss, looking as savage
as an enraged turkey-cock; ‘I’d see you
hanged first!’
“‘You’ll not go till you do,’ I replied, with
all the coolness imaginable.
“‘Let me go, sir; your assurance is unbearable!’
she exclaimed, making violent but
ineffectual efforts to release herself from my
embrace.
“‘You’ll not go till you kiss me,’ said I, as
calmly as possible. A loud knock at this moment
was heard at the door.
“‘Let me go, sir. Here’s my grandmother
and my aunt returned, and they’ll abuse me
famously if they catch you here.’
“‘You’ll not go till you kiss me,’ I repeated
in exactly the same tone of voice I had previously
used. Another louder knock was now
heard.
“‘There then, you plague!’ she cried as she
hurriedly pressed her lips to mine; ‘and now
let me go.’
“‘Leave every thing to me, I’ll manage the
old ladies,’ said I as I allowed her to escape.
“‘It’s very strange, Floss, that you always
will keep us at the door so long when we knock,’
mumbled the eldest of the two old ladies as
well as her want of teeth would allow her, as
soon as the door was opened.
“‘It’s very strange,’ remarked the other with
stronger emphasis.
“‘I’ve spoken to you so often about it, that
I’m quite shocked at your negligence,’ mumbled
the first.
“‘I’m quite shocked at your negligence;’
echoed the other.
“‘Goodness, a man!’ screamed out the
eldest, throwing her arms back, and nearly
pitching off her balance as she entered the
room.
“‘Goodness, a man!’ squeaked out the
other in exactly the same tone, and with
exactly the same motion.
“‘May I be allowed to know the cause which
has conferred upon me the honour of a visit
from a perfect stranger, as it seems very extraordinary,’
said the mumbler, advancing towards
me with stately steps, and scrutinising me
through her spectacles as if she would look
right through me.
“‘It seems very extraordinary,’ remarked
the other emphatically, as she also brought her
spectacles to bear upon my person.
“‘Have I the honour of speaking to the
amiable and accomplished Mrs. Parrot-cum-Poodle?”
I inquired, advancing two steps with
a grave and respectful air, and making a bow
to the ground.
“I am that humble individual,” replied the
ugliest of the two, making a profound courtesy;
and then turning to her companion, she said
in a whisper, “A very well spoken young
man.”
“A very well spoken young man,” echoed
the least ugliest.
“How much have I reason to be gratified
with my good fortune;” I observed, looking
as delighted as I could. “I have travelled far
to procure it.”
“Take a seat, my dear sir!” exclaimed the
old one, with a look of sympathy that did not
make her look more agreeable.
“Take a seat, my dear sir!” repeated the
other, in the same tone and manner.
“Floss, why don’t you give the gentleman a
chair?” cried number one, sharply.
“Floss, why don’t you give the gentleman a
chair?” cried number two in a similar voice.
“I should prefer standing in the presence of
ladies for whom I have such perfect respect,”
said I, with another bow equally profound.
“Oh, you are too good!” mumbled the first,
with something that was intended to be a
smile.
“Oh, you are too good!” muttered the other,
after the same fashion.
“I have come all the way from the village of
Parrot-cum-Poodle for the express purpose of
elucidating an important point in the pedigree
of the respectable and ancient family which still
bears the name of that distinguished place,”
said I, with the gravest face I had ever made
use of. “When the Parrot-cum-Poodles first
intermarried with the Tabbies, connected as
the Tabbies previously were with the Macaws,
one of the collateral branches of the Parrot-cum-Poodle
family; and the Macaws having
formed several alliances with the Pugs, I am
desirous of knowing what degree of consanguinity
the Pugs bear to the present descendants
of the ancient race of the Parrot-cum-Poodles,
because it is an inquiry of exceeding
interest, and one of the utmost value towards a
right understanding of the family genealogy.
You must remember, that when the branch of
the Tabbies became extinct for want of heirs
male, there was a lineal descendant that could
trace his pedigree in a direct line up to the
first inheritor of the ancient name of Parrot-cum-Poodle;
but he being abroad at the time
when the title was declared extinct, knew nothing
of his legal claim to the honourable name
of his ancestors, and had a large family which
were brought up in perfect ignorance of their
relationship with the Tabbies. One of these
has lately married a remote branch of the Pugs:
now the descendants of this pair will stand in a
very extraordinary point of relationship to the
Parrot-cum-Poodles; and I should wish to
know where any of these descendants are to
be found.”
“The oldest old lady had gradually opened
her mouth as I proceeded to show the labyrinth
of the Parrot-cum-Poodle genealogy, till it was
extended as far as it could stretch, and she
stared at me through her spectacles with as
complete a look of mystification as it was possible
to imagine, and was turning towards the
youngest old lady when she met a mouth
equally wide, and eyes equally mystified on the
point of turning towards her with the same
desire for explanation. All this time Floss had
stood behind them making the most desperate
efforts to swallow her pocket-handkerchief.
“However it is sufficient to say, that after
having bothered the old folks till they did not
know whether they were standing on their head
or their heels, I took my departure; and so
ended my second folly, for I never saw Floss
again. And now, having amused you, don’t you
see, which is all I aimed at, I must insist upon
your going to Oriel Porphyry, and inquiring of
him whether there exist any reason for your
suspicions.”
“I will try and do it,” replied Zabra, in a
more cheerful tone than he had previously used;
“and I hope it may be as you say.”