Fools have big wombs. For the rest?—here is pennyroyal
if one knows to use it. But time is only another liar, so go along
the wall a little further: if blackberries prove bitter there’ll be
mushrooms, fairy-ring mushrooms, in the grass, sweetest of all
fungi.
For what it’s worth: Jacob Louslinger, white haired, stinking,
dirty bearded, cross eyed, stammer tongued, broken voiced, bent
backed, ball kneed, cave bellied, mucous faced—deathling,—found
lying in the weeds “up there by the cemetery”. “Looks
to me as if he’d been bumming around the meadows for a couple
of weeks”. Shoes twisted into incredible lilies: out at the toes,
heels, tops, sides, soles. Meadow flower! ha, mallow! at last I
have you. (Rot dead marigolds—an acre at a time! Gold, are
you?) Ha, clouds will touch world’s edge and the great pink
mallow stand singly in the wet, topping reeds and—a closet full of
clothes and good shoes and my-thirty-year’s-master’s-daughter’s
two cows for me to care for and a winter room with a fire in it—.
I would rather feed pigs in Moonachie and chew calamus root
and break crab’s claws at an open fire: age’s lust loose!
Talk as you will, say: “No woman wants to bother with
children in this country”;—speak of your Amsterdam and the
whitest aprons and brightest doorknobs in Christendom. And I’ll
answer you: “Gleaming doorknobs and scrubbed entries have
heard the songs of the housemaids at sun-up and—housemaids
are wishes. Whose? Ha! the dark canals are whistling,
whistling for who will cross to the other side. If I remain with
hands in pocket leaning upon my lamppost—why—I bring curses
to a hag’s lips and her daughter on her arm knows better than I
can tell you—best to blush and out with it than back beaten after.
In Holland at daybreak, of a fine spring morning, one sees the
housemaids beating rugs before the small houses of such a city as
Amsterdam, sweeping, scrubbing the low entry steps and polishing
doorbells and doorknobs. By night perhaps there will be an old
woman with a girl on her arm, histing and whistling across a
deserted canal to some late loiterer trudging aimlessly on beneath
the gas lamps.
Why go further? One might conceivably rectify the rhythm,
study all out and arrive at the perfection of a tiger lily or a china
doorknob. One might lift all out of the ruck, be a worthy
successor to—the man in the moon. Instead of breaking the
back of a willing phrase why not try to follow the wheel
through—approach death at a walk, take in all the scenery.
There’s as much reason one way as the other and then—one
never knows—perhaps we’ll bring back Euridice—this time!
Between two contending forces there may at all times arrive
that moment when the stress is equal on both sides so that with a
great pushing a great stability results giving a picture of perfect
rest. And so it may be that once upon the way the end drives
back upon the beginning and a stoppage will occur. At such a
time the poet shrinks from the doom that is calling him forgetting
the delicate rhythms of perfect beauty, preferring in his mind the
gross buffetings of good and evil fortune.
Ay dio! I could say so much were it not for the tunes
changing, changing, darting so many ways. One step and the
cart’s left you sprawling. Here’s the way! and—you’re hip bogged.
And there’s blame of the light too: when eyes are humming
birds who’ll tie them with a lead string? But it’s the tunes they
want most,—send them skipping out at the tree tops. Whistle
then! who’ld stop the leaves swarming; curving down the east
in their braided jackets? Well enough—but there’s small
comfort in naked branches when the heart’s not set that way.
A man’s desire is to win his way to some hilltop. But against
him seem to swarm a hundred jumping devils. These are his
constant companions, these are the friendly images which he has
invented out of his mind and which are inviting him to rest and
to disport himself according to hidden reasons. The man being
half a poet is cost down and longs to rid himself of his torment
and his tormentors.
When you hang your clothes on the line you do not expect to
see the line broken and them trailing in the mud. Nor would
you expect to keep your hands clean by putting them in a dirty
pocket. However and of course if you are a market man, fish,
cheeses and the like going under your fingers every minute in the
hour you would not leave off the business and expect to handle
a basket of fine laces without at least mopping yourself on a
towel, soiled as it may be. Then how will you expect a fine
trickle of words to follow you through the intimacies of this
dance without—oh, come let us walk together into the air awhile
first. One must be watchman to much secret arrogance before
his ways are tuned to these measures. You see there is a dip of
the ground between us. You think you can leap up from your
gross caresses of these creatures and at a gesture fling it all off
and step out in silver to my finger tips. Ah, it is not that I do
not wait for you, always! But my sweet fellow—you have broken
yourself without purpose, you are—Hark! it is the music!
Whence does it come? What! Out of the ground? Is it this
that you have been preparing for me? Ha, goodbye, I have a
rendez vous in the tips of three birch sisters. Encouragé vos
musiciens! Ask them to play faster. I will return—later. Ah
you are kind. —and I? must dance with the wind, make my own
snow flakes, whistle a contrapuntal melody to my own fuge!
Huzza then, this is the dance of the blue moss bank! Huzza
then, this is the mazurka of the hollow log! Huzza then, this
is the dance of rain in the cold trees.
So far away August green as it yet is. They say the sun
still comes up o’mornings and it’s harvest moon now. Always
one leaf at the peak twig swirling, swirling and apples rotting in
the ditch.
My wife’s uncle went to school with Amundsen. After he,
Amundsen, returned from the south pole there was a Scandinavian
dinner, which bored Amundsen like a boyhood friend. There
was a young woman at his table, silent and aloof from the rest.
She left early and he restless at some impalpable delay apologized
suddenly and went off with two friends, his great, lean bulk
twitching agilely. One knew why the poles attracted him.
Then my wife’s mother told me the same old thing, how a girl in
their village jilted him years back. But the girl at the supper!
Ah—that comes later when we are wiser and older.
What can it mean to you that a child wears pretty clothes
and speaks three languages or that its mother goes to the best
shops? It means: July has good need of his blazing sun. But
if you pick one berry from the ash tree I’d not know it again for
the same no matter how the rain washed. Make my bed of
witchhazel twigs, said the old man, since they bloom on the brink
of winter.
There is neither beginning nor end to the imagination but it
delights in its own seasons reversing the usual order at will.
Of the air of the coldest room it will seem to build the hottest
passions. Mozart would dance with his wife, whistling his own
tune to keep the cold away and Villon ceased to write upon his
Petit Testament only when the ink was frozen. But men in the
direst poverty of the imagination buy finery and indulge in
extravagant moods in order to piece out their lack with other
matter.
Mamselle Day, Mamselle Day, come back again! Slip your
clothes off!—the jingling of those little shell ornaments so
deftly fastened—! The streets are turning in their covers.
They smile with shut eyes. I have been twice to the moon since
supper but she has nothing to tell me. Mamselle come back!
I will be wiser this time.
That which is past is past forever and no power of the
imagination can bring it back again. Yet inasmuch as there
are many lives being lived in the world, by virtue of sadness and
regret we are enabled to partake to some small degree of those
pleasures we have missed or lost but which others more fortunate
than we are in the act of enjoying.
If one should catch me in this state! —wings would go at
a bargain. Ah but to hold the world in the hand then— Here’s
a brutal jumble. And if you move the stones, see the ants scurry.
But it’s queen’s eggs they take first, tax their jaws most. Burrow,
burrow, burrow! there’s sky that way too if the pit’s deep
enough—so the stars tell us.
It is an obsession of the gifted that by direct onslaught or
by some back road of the intention they will win the recognition
of the world. Cezanne. And inasmuch as some men have had a
bare recognition in their lives the fiction is continued. But the
sad truth is that since the imagination is nothing, nothing will
come of it. Thus those necessary readjustments of sense which
are the everyday affair of the mind are distorted and intensified in
these individuals so that they frequently believe themselves to be
the very helots of fortune, whereas nothing could be more ridiculous
than to suppose this. However their strength will revive if
it may be and finding a sweetness on the tongue of which they had
no foreknowledge they set to work again with renewed vigor.
How smoothly the car runs. And these rows of celery, how
they bitter the air—winter’s authentic foretaste. Here among
these farms how the year has aged, yet here’s last year and the
year before and all years. One might rest here time without end,
watch out his stretch and see no other bending than spring to
autumn, winter to summer and earth turning into leaves and
leaves into earth and—how restful these long beet rows—the
caress of the low clouds—the river lapping at the reeds. Was it
ever so high as this, so full? How quickly we’ve come this far.
Which way is north now? North now? why that way I think.
Ah there’s the house at last, here’s April, but—the blinds are
down! It’s all dark here. Scratch a hurried note. Slip it over
the sill. Well, some other time.
How smoothly the car runs. This must be the road. Queer
how a road juts in. How the dark catches among those trees!
How the light clings to the canal! Yes there’s one table taken,
we’ll not be alone. This place has possibilities. Will you bring
her here? Perhaps—and when we meet on the stair, shall we
speak, say it is some acquaintance—or pass silent? Well, a jest’s
a jest but how poor this tea is. Think of a life in this place,
here in these hills by these truck farms. Whose life? Why
there, back of you. If a woman laughs a little loudly one always
thinks that way of her. But how she bedizens the country-side.
Quite an old world glamour. If it were not for—but one cannot
have everything. What poor tea it was. How cold it’s grown.
Cheering, a light is that way among the trees. That heavy
laugh! How it will rattle these branches in six weeks’ time.
The frontispiece is her portrait and further on—the obituary
sermon: she held the school upon her shoulders. Did she.
Well—turn in here then:—we found money in the blood and some
in the room and on the stairs. My God I never knew a man had
so much blood in his head! —and thirteen empty whisky
bottles. I am sorry but those who come this way meet strange
company. This is you see death’s canticle.
A young woman who had excelled at intellectual pursuits,
a person of great power in her sphere, died on the same night
that a man was murdered in the next street, a fellow of very
gross behavior. The poet takes advantage of this to send them
on their way side by side without making the usual unhappy
moral distinctions.
Beautiful white corpse of night actually! So the north-west
winds of death are mountain sweet after all! All the troubled
stars are put to bed now: three bullets from wife’s hand none
kindlier: in the crown, in the nape and one lower: three starlike
holes among a million pocky pores and the moon of your mouth:
Venus, Jupiter, Mars, and all stars melted forthwith into this
one good white light over the inquest table,—the traditional moth
beating its wings against it—except there are two here. But
sweetest are the caresses of the county physician, a little clumsy
perhaps—mais—! and the Prosecuting Attorney, Peter Valuzzi
and the others, waving green arms of maples to the tinkling of
the earliest ragpicker’s bells. Otherwise—: kindly stupid hands,
kindly coarse voices, infinitely soothing, infinitely detached,
infinitely beside the question, restfully babbling of how, where,
why and night is done and the green edge of yesterday has
said all it could.
Remorse is a virtue in that it is a stirrer up of the emotions
but it is a folly to accept it as a criticism of conduct. So to
accept it is to attempt to fit the emotions of a certain state to a
preceding state to which they are in no way related. Imagination
though it cannot wipe out the sting of remorse can instruct
the mind in its proper uses.
It is the water we drink. It bubbles under every hill. How?
Agh, you stop short of the root. Why, caught and the town goes
mad. The haggard husband pirouettes in tights. The wolf-lean
wife is rolling butter pats: it’s a clock striking the hour. Pshaw,
they do things better in Bangkok,—here too, if there’s heads
together. But up and leap at her throat! Bed’s at fault!
Yet—I’ve seen three women prostrate, hands twisted in each
other’s hair, teeth buried where the hold offered,—not a movement,
not a cry more than a low meowling. Oh call me a lady
and think you’ve caged me. Hell’s loose every minute, you hear?
And the truth is there’s not an eye clapped to either way but
someone comes off the dirtier for it. Who am I to wash hands
and stand near the wall? I confess freely there’s not a bitch
littered in the pound but my skin grows ruddier. Ask me and
I’ll say: curfew for the ladies. Bah, two in the grass is the
answer to that gesture. Here’s a text for you: Many daughters
have done virtuously but thou excellest them all! And so you
do, if the manner of a walk means anything. You walk in a
different air from the others,—though your husband’s the better
man and the charm won’t last a fortnight: the street’s kiss parried
again. But give thought to your daughters’ food at mating
time, you good men. Send them to hunt spring beauties beneath
the sod this winter,—otherwise: hats off to the lady! One can
afford to smile.
Marry in middle life and take the young thing home. Later
in the year let the worst out. It’s odd how little the tune changes.
Do worse—till your mind’s turning, then rush into repentence
and the lady grown a hero while the clock strikes.
Here the harps have a short cadenza. It’s sunset back of
the new cathedral and the purple river scum has set seaward.
The car’s at the door. I’d not like to go alone tonight. I’ll pay
you well. It’s the kings-evil. Speed! Speed! The sun’s
self’s a chancre low in the west. Ha, how the great houses shine—for
old time’s sake! For sale! For sale! The town’s gone
another way. But I’m not fooled that easily. Fort sale! Fort
sale! if you read it aright. And Beauty’s own head on the
pillow, à la Muja Desnuda! O Contessa de Alba! Contessa de
Alba! Never was there such a lewd wonder in the streets of
Newark! Open the windows—but all’s boarded up here. Out
with you, you sleepy doctors and lawyers you,—the sky’s afire
and Calvary Church with its snail’s horns up, sniffing the dawn—o’
the wrong side! Let the trumpets blare! Tutti i instrumenti!
The world’s bound homeward.
A man whose brain is slowly curdling due to a syphilitic
infection acquired in early life calls on a friend to go with him on
a journey to the city. The friend out of compassion goes, and,
thinking of the condition of his unhappy companion, falls to
pondering on the sights he sees as he is driven up one street and
down another. It being evening he witnesses a dawn of great
beauty striking backward upon the world in a reverse direction
to the sun’s course and not knowing of what else to think discovers
it to be the same power which has led his companion to
destruction. At this he is inclined to scoff derisively at the city’s
prone stupidity and to make light indeed of his friend’s misfortune.
Of course history is an attempt to make the past seem stable
and of course it’s all a lie. Nero must mean Nero or the game’s
up. But—though killies have green backs and white bellies, zut!
for the bass and hawks! When we’ve tired of swimming we’ll
go climb in the ledgy forest. Confute the sages.
Quarrel with a purple hanging because it’s no column from
the Parthenon. Here’s splotchy velvet set to hide a door in the
wall and there—there’s the man himself praying! Oh quarrel
whether ’twas Pope Clement raped Persephone or—did the devil
wear a mitre in that year? Come, there’s much use in being thin
on a windy day if the cloth’s cut well. And oak leaves will not
come on maples, nor birch trees either—that is provided—, but
pass it over, pass it over.
A woman of good figure, if she be young and gay, welcomes
the wind that presses tight upon her from forehead to ankles
revealing the impatient mountains and valleys of her secret
desire. The wind brings release to her. But the wind is no
blessing to all women. At the same time it is idle to quarrel
over the relative merits of one thing and another, oak leaves
will not come on maples. But there is a deeper folly yet in such
quarreling: the perfections revealed by a Rembrandt are equal
whether it be question of a laughing Saskia or an old woman
cleaning her nails.
Think of some lady better than Rackham draws them: mere
fairy stuff—some face that would be your face, were you of the
right sex, some twenty years back of a still morning, some
Lucretia out of the Vatican turned Carmelite, some double image
cast over a Titian Venus by two eyes quicker than Titian’s hands
were, some strange daughter of an inn-keeper,—some.… Call
it a net to catch love’s twin doves and I’ll say to you: Look!
and there’ll be the sky there and you’ll say the sky’s blue.
Whisk the thing away now? What’s the sky now?
By virtue of works of art the beauty of woman is released
to flow whither it will up and down the years. The imagination
transcends the thing itself. Kaffirs admire what they term
beauty in their women but which is in official parlance a deformity.
A Kaffir poet to be a good poet would praise that which is
to him praiseworthy and we should be scandalized.
It is still warm enough to slip from the weeds into the lake’s
edge, your clothes blushing in the grass and three small boys
grinning behind the derelict hearth’s side. But summer is up
among the huckleberries near the path’s end and snakes’ eggs lie
curling in the sun on the lonely summit. But—well—let’s wish
it were higher after all these years staring at it deplore the
paunched clouds glimpse the sky’s thin counter-crest and plunge
into the gulch. Sticky cobwebs tell of feverish midnights.
Crack a rock (what’s a thousand years!) and send it crashing
among the oaks! Wind a pine tree in a grey-worm’s net and
play it for a trout; oh—but it’s the moon does that! No, summer
has gone down the other side of the mountain. Carry home what
we can. What have you brought off? Ah here are thimble-berries.
In middle life the mind passes to a variegated October.
This is the time youth in its faulty aspirations has set for the
achievement of great summits. But having attained the mountain
top one is not snatched into a cloud but the descent proffers
its blandishments quite as a matter of course. At this the fellow
is cast into a great confusion and rather plaintively looks about
to see if any has fared better than he.
The little Polish Father of Kingsland does not understand,
he cannot understand. These are exquisite differences never to
be resolved. He comes at midnight through mid-winter slush
to baptise a dying newborn; he smiles suavely and shruggs his
shoulders: a clear middle A touched by a master—but he cannot
understand. And Benny, Sharon, Henrietta, and Josephine, what
is it to them? Yet jointly they come more into the way of the
music. And white haired Miss Ball! The empty school is
humming to her little melody played with one finger at the noon
hour but it is beyond them all. There is much heavy breathing,
many tight shut lips, a smothered laugh whiles, two laughs cracking
together, three together sometimes and then a burst of wind
lifting the dust again.
Living with and upon and among the poor, those that gather
in a few rooms, sometimes very clean, sometimes full of vermine,
there are certain pestilential individuals, priests, school teachers,
doctors, commercial agents of one sort or another who though
they themselves are full of graceful perfections nevertheless contrive
to be so complacent of their lot, floating as they are with the
depth of a sea beneath them, as to be worthy only of amused
contempt. Yet even to these sometimes there rises that which they
think in their ignorance is a confused babble of aspiring voices not
knowing what ancient harmonies these are to which they are so
faultily listening.
What I like best’s the long unbroken line of the hills there.
Yes, it’s a good view. Come, let’s visit the orchard. Here’s
peaches twenty years on the branch. Not ripe yet!? Why—!
Those hills! Those hills! But you’ld be young again! Well,
fourteen’s a hard year for boy or girl, let alone one older driving
the pricks in, but though there’s more in a song than the notes of
it and a smile’s a pretty baby when you’ve none other—let’s not
turn backward. Mumble the words, you understand, call them
four brothers, strain to catch the sense but have to admit it’s in a
language they’ve not taught you, a flaw somewhere,—and for
answer: well, that long unbroken line of the hills there.
Two people, an old man and a woman in early middle life, are
talking together upon a small farm at which the woman has just
arrived on a visit. They have walked to an orchard on the slope
of a hill from which a distant range of mountains can be clearly
made out. A third man, piecing together certain knowledge he
has of the woman with what is being said before him is prompted
to give rein to his imagination. This he does and hears many
oblique sentences which escape the others.
Squalor and filth with a sweet cur nestling in the grimy
blankets of your bed and on better roads striplings dreaming of
wealth and happiness. Country life in America! The cackling
grackle that dartled at the hill’s bottom have joined their flock
and swing with the rest over a broken roof toward Dixie.
Some fifteen years we’ll say I served this friend, was his
valet, nurse, physician, fool and master: nothing too menial, to
say the least. Enough of that: so.
Stand aside while they pass. This is what they found in the
rock when it was cracked open: this fingernail. Hide your face
among the lower leaves, here’s a meeting should have led to better
things but—it is only one branch out of the forest and night
pressing you for an answer! Velvet night weighing upon your
eye-balls with gentle insistence; calling you away: Come with me,
now, tonight! Come with me! now tonight.…
In great dudgeon over the small profit that has come to him
through a certain companionship a poet addresses himself and the
loved one as if it were two strangers, thus advancing himself to
the brink of that discovery which will reward all his labors but
which he as yet only discerns as a night, a dark void coaxing him
whither he has no knowledge.
You speak of the enormity of her disease, of her poverty.
Bah, these are the fiddle she makes tunes on and it’s tunes bring
the world dancing to your house-door, even on this swamp side.
You speak of the helpless waiting, waiting till the thing squeeze
her windpipe shut. Oh, that’s best of all, that’s romance—with
the devil himself a hero. No my boy. You speak of her man’s
callous stinginess. Yes, my God, how can he refuse to buy milk
when it’s alone milk that she can swallow now? But how is it she
picks market beans for him day in, day out, in the sun, in the
frost? You understand? You speak of so many things, you
blame me for my indifference. Well, this is you see my sister
and death, great death is robbing her of life. It dwarfs most
things.
Filth and vermine though they shock the over-nice are imperfections
of the flesh closely related in the just imagination of the
poet to excessive cleanliness. After some years of varied experience
with the bodies of the rich and the poor a man finds little to
distinguish between them, bulks them as one and bases his working
judgements on other matters.
Hercules is in Hacketstown doing farm labor. Look at his
hands if you’ll not believe me. And what do I care if yellow and
red are Spain’s riches and Spain’s good blood. Here yellow and
red mean simply autumn! The odor of the poor farmer’s fried
supper is mixing with the smell of the hemlocks, mist is in the
valley hugging the ground and over Parsippany—where an oldish
man leans talking to a young woman—the moon is swinging from
its star.
Throw that flower in the waste basket, it’s faded. And keep
an eye to your shoes and fingernails. The fool you once laughed
at has made a fortune! There’s small help in a clutter of leaves
either, no matter how they gleam. Punctillio’s the thing. A
nobby vest. Spats. Lamps carry far, believe me, in lieu of
sunshine!
Despite vastness of frontiers, which are as it were the fringes
of a flower full of honey, it is the little things that count!
Neglect them and bitterness drowns the imagination.
The time never was when he could play more than mattrass to
the pretty feet of this woman who had been twice a mother without
touching the meager pollen of their marriage intimacy. What
more for him than to be a dandelion that could chirp with crickets
or do a onestep with snow flakes? The tune is difficult but not
impossible to the middle aged whose knees are tethered faster to
the mind than they are at eighteen when any wind sets them
clacking. What a rhythm’s here! One would say the body lay
asleep and the dance escaped from the hair tips, the bleached fuzz
that covers back and belly, shoulders, neck and forehead. The
dance is diamantine over the sleeper who seems not to breathe!
One would say heat over the end of a roadway that turns down
hill. Cesa!
One may write music and music but who will dance to it?
The dance escapes but the music, the music—projects a dance
over itself which the feet follow lazily if at all. So a dance is a
thing in itself. It is the music that dances but if there are words
then there are two dancers, the words pirouetting with the music.
One has emotions about the strangest things: men—women
himself the most contemptible. But to struggle with ants for a
piece of meat,—a mangy cur to swallow beetles and all—better go
slaughter one’s own kind in the name of peace—except when the
body’s not there maggots swarm in the corruption. Oh let him
have it. Find a cleaner fare for wife and child. To the sick
their sick. For us heads bowed over the green-flowered asphodel.
Lean on my shoulder little one, you too. I will lead you to
fields you know nothing of. There’s small dancing left for us
any way you look at it.
A man who enjoyed his food, the company of his children
and especially his wife’s alternate caresses and tongue lashings
felt his position in the town growing insecure due to a successful
business competitor. Being thus stung to the quick he thinks
magnanimously of his own methods of dealing with his customers
and likens his competitor to a dog that swallows his meat with
beetles or maggots upon it, that is, any way so he gets it.
Being thus roused the man does not seek to outdo his rival
but grows heavily sad and thinks of death and his lost pleasures
thus showing himself to be a person of discernment. For by so
doing he gives evidence of a bastard sort of knowledge of that
diversity of context in things and situations which the great
masters of antiquity looked to for the inspiration and distinction
of their compositions.
If I could clap this in a cage and let that out we’d see colored
wings then to blind the sun but—the good ships are anchored
up-stream and the gorged seagulls flap heavily. At sea! At
sea! That’s where the waves beat kindliest. But no, singers
are beggars or worse cannot man a ship songs are their trade.
Ku-whee! Ku-whee! It’s a wind in the lookout’s nest talking
of Columbus, whom no sea daunted, Columbus, chained below
decks, bound homeward.
They built a replica of Columbus’ flagship the Santa Maria
and took it from harbor to harbor along the North Atlantic seaboard.
The insignificance of that shell could hardly be exaggerated
when comparison was made with even the very least of our
present day sea-going vessels. Thus was the magnificence of
enterprise and the hardihood of one Christopher Columbus celebrated
at this late date.
You would learn—if you knew even one city—where people
are a little gathered together and where one sees—it’s our frontier
you know—the common changes of the human spirit: our
husbands tire of us and we—let us not say we go hungry for their
caresses but for caresses—of a kind. Oh I am no prophet. I
have no theory to advance, except that it’s well nigh impossible
to know the wish till after. Cross the room to him if the whim
leads that way. Here’s drink of an eye that calls you. No need
to take the thing too seriously. It’s something of a will-o-the-whisp
I acknowledge. All in the pressure of an arm—through a
fur coat often. Something of a dancing light with the rain
beating on a cab window. Here’s nothing to lead you astray.
What? Why you’re young still. Your children? Yes, there
they are. Desire skates like a Hollander as well as runs pickaninny
fashion. Really, there’s little more to say than: flowers in
a glass basket under the electric glare; the carpet is red, mostly, a
hodge-podge of zig-zags that pass for Persian fancies. Risk a
double entendre. But of a sudden the room’s not the same!
It’s a strange blood sings under some skin. Who will have the
sense for it? The men sniff suspiciously; you at least my dear
had your head about you. It was a tender nibble but it really did
you credit. But think of what might be! It’s all in the imagination.
I give you no more credit than you deserve, you will
never rise to it, never be more than a rose dropped in the river—but
acknowledge that there is, ah there is a— You are such
a clever knitter. Your hands please. Ah, if I had your hands.
A woman of marked discernment finding herself among
strange companions wishes for the hands of one of them and
inasmuch as she feels herself refreshed by the sight of these
perfections she offers in return those perfections of her own
which appear to her to be most appropriate to the occasion.
Truth’s a wonder. What difference is it how the best head
we have greets his first born these days? What weight has it that
the bravest hair of all’s gone waiting on cheap tables or the most
garrulous lives lonely by a bad neighbor and has her south
windows pestered with caterpillars? The nights are long for lice
combing or moon dodging—and the net comes in empty again.
Or there’s been no fish in this ford since Christian was a baby.
Yet up surges the good zest and the game’s on. Follow at my
heels, there’s little to tell you you’ld think a stoopsworth. You’ld
pick the same faces in a crowd no matter what I’d say. And
you’ld be right too. The path’s not yours till you’ve gone it alone
a time. But here’s another handful of west wind. White of
the night! White of the night. Turn back till I tell you a puzzle:
What is it in the stilled face of an old mender-man and
winter not far off and a darky parts his wool, and wenches wear
of a Sunday? It’s a sparrow with a crumb in his beak dodging
wheels and clouds crossing two ways.
Virtue is not to be packed in a bag and carried off to the rag
mill. Perversions are righted and the upright are reversed, then
the stream takes a bend upon itself and the meaning turns a livid
purple and drops down in a whirlpool without so much as fraying
a single fibre.
Why pretend to remember the weather two years back?
Why not? Listen close then repeat after others what they have
just said and win a reputation for vivacity. Oh feed upon petals
of aedelweis! one dew drop, if it be from the right flower, is five
year’s drink!
Having once taken the plunge the situation that preceded
it becomes obsolete which a moment before was alive with
malignant rigidities.
When beldams dig clams their fat hams (it’s always beldams)
balanced near Tellus’ hide, this rhinoceros pelt, these
lumped stones—buffoonery of midges on a bull’s thigh—invoke,—what
you will: birth’s glut, awe at God’s craft, youth’s poverty,
evolution of a child’s caper, man’s poor inconsequence. Eclipse
of all things; sun’s self turned hen’s rump.
Cross a knife and fork and listen to the church bells! It is
the harvest moon’s made wine of our blood. Up over the dark
factory into the blue glare start the young poplars. They whisper:
It is Sunday! It is Sunday! But the laws of the county
have been stripped bare of leaves. Out over the marshes flickers
our laughter. A lewd anecdote’s the chase. On through the
vapory heather! And there at banter’s edge the city looks at us
sidelong with great eyes,—lifts to its lips heavenly milk! Lucina,
O Lucina! beneficent cow, how have we offended thee?
Hilariously happy because of some obscure wine of the fancy
which they have drunk four rollicking companions take delight in
the thought that they have thus evaded the stringent laws of the
county. Seeing the distant city bathed in moonlight and staring
seriously at them they liken the moon to a cow and its light to
milk.
The browned trees are singing for my thirty-fourth birthday.
Leaves are beginning to fall upon the long grass. Their cold
perfume raises the anticipation of sensational revolutions in my
unsettled life. Violence has begotten peace, peace has fluttered
away in agitation. A bewildered change has turned among the
roots and the Prince’s kiss as far at sea as ever.
To each age as to each person its perfections. But in these
things there is a kind of revolutionary sequence. So that a man
having lain at ease here and advanced there as time progresses
the order of these things becomes inverted. Thinking to have
brought all to one level the man finds his foot striking through
where he had thought rock to be and stands firm where he had
experienced only a bog hitherto. At a loss to free himself from
bewilderment at this discovery he puts off the caress of the
imagination.
The trick is never to touch the world anywhere. Leave
yourself at the door, walk in, admire the pictures, talk a few
words with the master of the house, question his wife a little,
rejoin yourself at the door—and go off arm in arm listening to
last week’s symphony played by angel hornsmen from the benches
of a turned cloud. Or if dogs rub too close and the poor are too
much out let your friend answer them.
The poet being sad at the misery he has beheld that morning
and seeing several laughing fellows approaching puts himself in
their way in order to hear what they are saying. Gathering from
their remarks that it is of some sharp business by which they have
all made an inordinate profit, he allows his thoughts to play back
upon the current of his own life. And imagining himself to be two
persons he eases his mind by putting his burdens upon one while
the other takes what pleasure there is before him.
Something to grow used to; a stone too big for ox haul, too
near for blasting. Take the road round it or—scrape away,
scrape away: a mountain’s buried in the dirt! Marry a gopher
to help you! Drive her in! Go yourself down along the lit
pastures. Down, down. The whole family take shovels, babies
and all! Down, down! Here’s Tenochtitlan! here’s a strange
Darien where worms are princes.
But for broken feet beating, beating on worn flagstones I
would have danced to my knees at the fiddle’s first run. But
here’s evening and there they scamper back of the world chasing
the sun round! And it’s daybreak in Calcutta! So lay aside,
let’s draw off from the town and look back awhile. See, there it
rises out of the swamp and the mists already blowing their sleepy
bagpipes.
Often a poem will have merit because of some one line or
even one meritorious word. So it hangs heavily on its stem but
still secure, the tree unwilling to release it.
Their half sophisticated faces gripe me in the belly. There’s
no business to be done with them either way. They’re neither
virtuous nor the other thing, between which exist no perfections.
Oh, the mothers will explain that they are good girls. But these
never guess that there’s more sense in a sentence heard backward
than forward most times. A country whose flowers are without
perfume and whose girls lack modesty—the saying goes—. Dig
deeper mon ami, the rock maidens are running naked in the
dark cellars.
In disgust at the spectacle of an excess of ripe flesh that, in
accordance with the local custom of the place he is in, will be
left to wither without ever achieving its full enjoyment, a young
man of the place consoles himself with a vision of perfect beauty.
I’ll not get it no matter how I try. Say it was a girl in black
I held open a street door for. Let it go at that. I saw a man an
hour earlier I liked better much better. But it’s not so easy
to pass over. Perfection’s not a thing you’ll let slip so easily.
What a body! The little flattened buttocks; the quiver of the
flesh under the smooth fabric! Agh, it isn’t that I want to go
to bed with you. In fact what is there to say? except the
mind’s a queer nereid sometimes and flesh is at least as good a
gauze as words are: something of that. Something of mine—yours—hearts
on sleaves? Ah zut what’s the use? It’s not
that I’ve lost her again either. It’s hard to tell loss from gain
anyway.
The words of the thing twang and twitter to the gentle rocking
of a high-laced boot and the silk above that. The trick of
the dance is in following now the words, allegro, now the contrary
beat of the glossy leg: Reaching far over as if—But always
she draws back and comes down upon the word flatfooted.
For a moment we—but the boot’s costly and the play’s not mine.
The pace leads off anew. Again the words break it and we both
comes down flatfooted. Then—near the knee, jumps to the eyes,
catching in the hair’s shadow. But the lips take the rhythm again
and again we come down flatfooted. By this time boredom takes
a hand and the play’s ended.
The brutal Lord of All will rip us from each other—leave the
one to suffer here alone. No need belief in god or hell to postulate
that much. The dance: hands touching, leaves touching—eyes
looking, clouds rising—lips touching, cheeks touching,
arms about … Sleep. Heavy head, heavy arm, heavy
dream—: Of Ymir’s flesh the earth was made and of his
thoughts were all the gloomy clouds created. Oya!
Out of bitterness itself the clear wine of the imagination
will be pressed and the dance prosper thereby.
To you! whoever you are, wherever you are! (But I know
where you are!) There’s Durer’s “Nemesis” naked on her
sphere over the little town by the river—except she’s too old.
There’s a dancing burgess by Tenier and Villon’s maitress—after
he’d gone bald and was shin pocked and toothless: she that had
him ducked in the sewage drain. Then there’s that miller’s
daughter of “buttocks broad and breastes high”. Something of
Nietzsche, something of the good Samaritan, something of the
devil himself,—can cut a caper of a fashion, my fashion! Hey
you, the dance! Squat. Leap. Hips to the left. Chin—ha!—sideways!
Stand up, stand up ma bonne! you’ll break my backbone.
So again! —and so forth till we’re sweat soaked.
Some fools once were listening to a poet reading his poem.
It so happened that the words of the thing spoke of gross matters
of the everyday world such as are never much hidden from a
quick eye. Out of these semblances, and borrowing certain
members from fitting masterpieces of antiquity, the poet began
piping up his music, simple fellow, thinking to please his listeners.
But they getting the whole matter sadly muddled in their minds
made such a confused business of listening that not only were
they not pleased at the poet’s exertions but no sooner had he done
than they burst out against him with violent imprecations.
It’s all one. Richard worked years to conquer the descending
cadence, idiotic sentimentalist. Ha, for happiness! This
tore the dress in ribbons from her maid’s back and not spared the
nails either; wild anger spit from her pinched eyes! This is the
better part. Or a child under a table to be dragged out coughing
and biting, eyes glittering evilly. I’ll have it my way! Nothing
is any pleasure but misery and brokeness. THIS is the only up-cadence.
This is where the secret rolls over and opens its eyes.
Bitter words spoken to a child ripple in morning light! Boredom
from a bedroom doorway thrills with anticipation! The complaints
of an old man dying piecemeal are starling chirrups.
Coughs go singing on springtime paths across a field; corruption
picks strawberries and slow warping of the mind, blacking the
deadly walls—counted and recounted—rolls in the grass and
shouts ecstatically. All is solved! The moaning and dull sobbing
of infants sets blood tingling and eyes ablaze to listen.
Speed sings in the heels at long nights tossing on coarse sheets
with burning sockets staring into the black. Dance! Sing!
Coil and uncoil! Whip yourselves about! Shout the deliverence!
An old woman has infected her blossomy grand-daughter
with a blood illness that every two weeks drives the mother into
hidden songs of agony, the pad-footed mirage of creeping death
for music. The face muscles keep pace. Then a darting about
the compass in a tarantelle that wears flesh from bones. Here is
dancing! The mind in tatters. And so the music wistfully takes
the lead. Aye de mi, Juana la Loca, reina de Espagna, esa esta
tu canta, reina mia!
’N! cha! cha! cha! destiny needs men, so make up
your mind. Here’s an oak filling the wind’s space. Out with
him!
By carefully prepared stages come down through the
vulgarities of a cupiscent girlhood to the barren distinction of
this cold six A. M. Her pretty, pinched face is a very simple
tune but it carries now a certain quasi-maidenly distinction. It’s
not at least what you’d have heard six years back when she was
really virgin.
Often when the descent seems well marked there will be a
subtle ascent over-ruling it so that in the end when the degradation
is fully anticipated the person will be found to have emerged
upon a hilltop.
Such an old sinner knows the lit-edged clouds. No spring
days like those that come in October. Strindberg had the eyes
for Swan White! So make my bed with yours, tomorrow…?
Tomorrow … the hospital.
Seeing his life at an end a miserable fellow, much accustomed
to evil, wishes for the companionship of youth and beauty
before he dies and in exchange thinks to proffer that praise which
due to the kind of life he has led he is most able to give.
Here’s a new sort of April clouds: whiffs of dry snow on
the polished roadway that, curled by the wind, lie in feathery
figures. Oh but April’s not to be hedged that simply. She was
a Scotch lady and made her own butter and they grew their own
rye. It was the finest bread I ever tasted. And how we used to
jump in the hay! When he lost his money she kept a boarding
house.… But this is nothing to the story that should have been
written could he have had time to jot it all down: of how Bertha’s
lips are turned and her calf also and how she weighs 118 pounds.
Do I think that is much? Hagh! And her other perfections.
Ruin the girl? Oh there are fifty niceties that—being virtuous,
oh glacially virtuous—one might consider, i.e. whose touch is the
less venomous and by virtue of what sanction? Love, my good
friends has never held sway in more than a heart or two here and
there since—? All beauty stands upon the edge of the deflowering.
I confess I wish my wife younger. This is the lewdest
thought possible: it makes mockery of the spirit, say you?
Solitary poet who speaks his mind and has not one fellow in a
virtuous world! I wish for youth! I wish for love—! I see
well what passes in the street and much that passes in the mind.
You’ll say this has nothing in it of chastity. Ah well, chastity
is a lily of the valley that only a fool would mock. There is no
whiter nor no sweeter flower—but once past, the rankest stink
comes from the soothest petals. Heigh-ya! A crib from our
mediæval friend Shakespeare.
That which is heard from the lips of those to whom we are
talking in our day’s-affairs mingles with what we see in the streets
and everywhere about us as it mingles also with our imaginations.
By this chemistry is fabricated a language of the day which shifts
and reveals its meaning as clouds shift and turn in the sky and
sometimes send down rain or snow or hail. This is the language
to which few ears are tuned so that it is said by poets that few
men are ever in their full senses since they have no way to use
their imaginations. Thus to say that a man has no imagination
is to say nearly that he is blind or deaf. But of old poets would
translate this hidden language into a kind of replica of the speech
of the world with certain distinctions of rhyme and meter to show
that it was not really that speech. Nowadays the elements of
that language are set down as heard and the imagination of the
listener and of the poet are left free to mingle in the dance.
Per le pillole d’Ercole! I should write a happy poem tonight.
It would have to do with a bare, upstanding fellow whose thighs
bulge with a zest for—say, a zest! He tries his arm. Flings a
stone over the river. Scratches his bare back. Twirls his beard,
laughs softly and stretches up his arms in a yawn. —stops in
the midst—looking! A white flash over against the oak stems!
Draws in his belly. Looks again. In three motions is near the
stream’s middle, swinging forward, hugh, hugh, hugh, hugh,
blinking his eyes against the lapping wavelets! Out! and the
sting of the thicket!
The poet transforms himself into a satyr and goes in pursuit
of a white skinned dryad. The gaiety of his mood full of lustihood,
even so, turns back with a mocking jibe.
Giants in the dirt. The gods, the Greek gods, smothered
in filth and ignorance. The race is scattered over the world.
Where is its home? Find it if you’ve the genius. Here Hebe
with a sick jaw and a cruel husband,—her mother left no place
for a brain to grow. Herakles rowing boats on Berry’s Creek!
Zeus is a country doctor without a taste for coin jingling. Supper
is of a bastard nectar on rare nights for they will come—the
rare nights! The ground lifts and out sally the heroes of
Sophocles, of Æschylus. They go seeping down into our hearts,
they rain upon us and in the bog they sink again down through
the white roots, down—to a saloon back of the rail-road switch
where they have that girl, you know, the one that should have
been Venus by the lust that’s in her. They’ve got her down there
among the railroad men. A crusade couldn’t rescue her. Up to
jail—or call it down to Limbo—the Chief of Police our Pluto.
It’s all of the gods, there’s nothing else worth writing of. They
are the same men they always were—but fallen. Do they dance
now, they that danced beside Helicon? They dance much as they
did then, only, few have an eye for it, through the dirt and
fumes.
When they came to question the girl before the local judge
it was discovered that there were seventeen men more or less
involved so that there was nothing to do but to declare the child
a common bastard and send the girl about her business. Her
mother took her in and after the brat died of pneumonia a year
later she called in the police one day. An officer opened the
bedroom door. The girl was in bed with an eighteenth fellow,
a young roaming loafer with a silly grin to his face. They forced
a marriage which relieved the mother of her burden. The girl
was weak minded so that it was only with the greatest difficulty
that she could cover her moves, in fact she never could do so with
success.
Homer sat in a butcher’s shop one rainy night and smelt
fresh meat near him so he moved to the open window. It is
infinitely important that I do what I well please in the world.
What you please is that I please what you please but what I please
is well rid of you before I turn off from the path into the field.
What I am, why that they made me. What I do, why that I
choose for myself. Reading shows, you say. Yes, reading
shows reading. What you read is what they think and what they
think is twenty years old or twenty thousand and it’s all one to
the little girl in the pissoir. Likewise to me. But the butcher
was a friendly fellow so he took the carcass outside thinking
Homer to be no more than any other beggar.
A man’s carcass has no more distinction than the carcass
of an ox.
Little round moon up there—wait awhile—do not walk so
quickly. I could sing you a song—: Wine clear the sky is and
the stars no bigger than sparks! Wait for me and next winter
we’ll build a fire and shake up twists of sparks out of it and you
shall see yourself in the ashes, young—as you were one time.
It has always been the fashion to talk about the moon.
This that I have struggled against is the very thing I should
have chosen—but all’s right now. They said I could not put the
flower back into the stem nor win roses upon dead briars and I
like a fool believed them. But all’s right now. Weave away,
dead fingers, the darkies are dancing in Mayaguez—all but one
with the sore heel and sugar cane will soon be high enough to
romp through. Haia! leading over the ditches, with your skirts
flying and the devil in the wind back of you—no one else.
Weave away and the bitter tongue of an old woman is eating,
eating, eating venomous words with thirty years mould on them
and all shall be eaten back to honeymoon’s end. Weave and
pangs of agony and pangs of loneliness are beaten backward into
the love kiss, weave and kiss recedes into kiss and kisses into
looks and looks into the heart’s dark—and over again and over
again and time’s pushed ahead in spite of all that. The petals
that fell bearing me under are lifted one by one. That which
kissed my flesh for priest’s lace so that I could not touch it—weave
and you have lifted it and I am glimpsing light chinks
among the notes! Backward, and my hair is crisp with purple
sap and the last crust’s broken.
A woman on the verge of growing old kindles in the mind of
her son a certain curiosity which spinning upon itself catches the
woman herself in its wheel, stripping from her the accumulations
of many harsh years and shows her at last full of an old time
suppleness hardly to have been guessed by the stiffened exterior
which had held her fast till that time.
Once again the moon in a glassy twilight. The gas jet in
the third floor window is turned low, they have not drawn the
shade, sends down a flat glare upon the lounge’s cotton-Persian
cover where the time passes with clumsy caresses. Never in
this millieu has one stirred himself to turn up the light. It is
costly to leave a jet burning at all. Feel your way to the bed.
Drop your clothes on the floor and creep in. Flesh becomes so
accustomed to the touch she will not even waken. And so
hours pass and not a move. The room too falls asleep and the
street outside falls mumbling into a heap of black rags morning’s
at seven—
Seeing a light in an upper window the poet by means of the
power he has enters the room and of what he sees there brews
himself a sleep potion.
How deftly we keep love from each other. It is no trick at
all: the movement of a cat that leaps a low barrier. You have—if
the truth be known—loved only one man and that was before
my time. Past him you have never thought nor desired to think.
In his perfections you are perfect. You are likewise perfect in
other things. You present to me the surface of a marble. And
I, we will say, loved also before your time. Put it quite
obscenely. And I have my perfections. So here we present
ourselves to each other naked. What have we effected? Say
we have aged a little together and you have borne children. We
have in short thriven as the world goes. We have proved fertile.
The children are apparently healthy. One of them is even
whimsical and one has an unusual memory and a keen eye.
But—It is not that we have not felt a certain rumbling, a certain
stirring of the earth but what has it amounted to? Your first
love and mine were of different species. There is only one way
out. It is for me to take up my basket of words and for you to
sit at your piano, each his own way, until I have, if it so be that
good fortune smile my way, made a shrewd bargain at some fair
and so by dint of heavy straining supplanted in your memory the
brilliance of the old firmhold. Which is impossible. Ergo: I
am a blackguard.
The act is disclosed by the imagination of it. But of first
importance is to realize that the imagination leads and the deed
comes behind. First Don Quixote then Sancho Panza. So that
the act, to win its praise, will win it in diverse fashions according
to the way the imagination has taken. Thus a harsh deed will
sometimes win its praise through laughter and sometimes through
savage mockery, and a deed of simple kindness will come to its
reward through sarcastic comment. Each thing is secure in its
own perfections.
After thirty years staring at one true phrase he discovered
that its opposite was true also. For weeks he laughed in the grip
of a fierce self derision. Having lost the falsehood to which he’d
fixed his hawser he rolled drunkenly about the field of his
environment before the new direction began to dawn upon his
cracked mind. What a fool ever to be tricked into seriousness.
Soft hearted, hard hearted. Thick crystals began to shoot
through the liquid of his spirit. Black, they were: branches that
have lain in a fog which now a wind is blowing away. Things
move. Fatigued as you are watch how the mirror sieves out the
extraneous: in sleep as in waking. Summoned to his door by a
tinkling bell he looked into a white face, the face of a man
convulsed with dread, saw the laughter back of its drawn alertness.
Out in the air: the sidesplitting burlesque of a sparkling
midnight stooping over a little house on a sandbank. The city at
the horizon blowing a lurid red against the flat cloud. The moon
masquerading for a tower clock over the factory, its hands in a
gesture that, were time real, would have settled all. But the
delusion convulses the leafless trees with the deepest appreciation
of the mummery: insolent poking of a face upon the half-lit window
from which the screams burst. So the man alighted in the
great silence, with a myopic star blinking to clear its eye over his
hat top. He comes to do good. Fatigue tickles his calves and
the lower part of his back with solicitous fingers, strokes his feet
and his knees with appreciative charity. He plunges up the dark
steps on his grotesque deed of mercy. In his warped brain an
owl of irony fixes on the immediate object of his care as if it
were the thing to be destroyed, guffaws at the impossibility of
putting any kind of value on the object inside or of even reversing
or making less by any other means than induced sleep—which is
no solution—the methodical gripe of the sufferer. Stupidity
couched in a dingy room beside the kitchen. One room stove-hot,
the next the dead cold of a butcher’s ice box. The man
leaned and cut the baby from its stem. Slop in disinfectant, roar
with derision at the insipid blood stench: hallucination comes to
the rescue on the brink of seriousness: the gas-stove flame is
starblue, violets back of L’Orloge at Lancy. The smile of a
spring morning trickles into the back of his head and blinds the
eyes to the irritation of the poppy red flux. A cracked window
blind lets in Venus. Stars. The hand-lamp is too feeble to have
its own way. The vanity of their neck stretching, trying to be
large as a street-lamp sets him roaring to himself anew. And
rubber gloves, the color of moist dates, the identical glisten and
texture: means a ballon trip to Fez. So one is a ridiculous savior
of the poor, with fatigue always at his elbow with a new jest,
the newest smutty story, the prettiest defiance of insipid pretences
that cannot again assert divine right—nonsensical gods that are
fit to lick shoes clean: and the great round face of Sister Palagia
straining to keep composure against the jaws of a body louse.
In at the back door. We have been a benefactor. The cross
laughter has been denied us but one cannot have more than the
appetite sanctions.
Awake early to the white blare of a sun flooding in sidewise.
Strip and bathe in it. Ha, but an ache tearing at your throat—and
a vague cinema lifting its black moon blot all out. There’s no
walking barefoot in the crisp leaves nowadays. There’s no
dancing save in the head’s dark. Go draped in soot; call on
modern medicine to help you: the coal man’s blowing his thin
dust up through the house! Why then, a new step lady! I’ll
meet you—you know where—o’ the dark side! Let the wheel
click.
In the mind there is a continual play of obscure images which
coming between the eyes and their prey seem pictures on the
screen at the movies. Somewhere there appears to be a maladjustment.
The wish would be to see not floating visions of
unknown purport but the imaginative qualities of the actual
things being perceived accompany their gross vision in a slow
dance, interpreting as they go. But inasmuch as this will not
always be the case one must dance nevertheless as he can.
Carry clapping bundles of lath-strips, adjust, dig, saw on a
diagonal, hammer a thousand ends fast and discover afterward
the lattice-arbor top’s two clean lines in a dust of dew. There are
days when leaves have knife’s edges and one sees only eye-pupils,
fixes every catchpenny in a shop window and every wire against
the sky but—goes puzzled from vista to vista in his own house
staring under beds for God knows what all.
A lattice screen say fifty feet long by seven high, such a
thing as is built to cut off some certain part of a yard from
public view, is surprisingly expensive to put up. The wooden
strips alone, if they are placed at all close together must be
figured solid, as if it were a board fence. Then there are the
posts, the frames, the trimming, the labor and last of all the two
coats of paint. Is it a wonder the artisan cannot afford more
than the luxury of these calculations.
Imperceptibly your self shakes free in all its brutal significance,
feels its subtle power renewed and abashed at its covered
lustihood breaks to the windows and draws back before the
sunshine it sees there as before some imagined figure that would
be there if—ah if—But for a moment your hand rests upon the
palace window sill, only for a moment.
It is not fair to be old, to put on a brown sweater. It is not
just to walk out of a November evening bare headed and with
white hair in the wind. Oh the cheeks are ruddy enough and the
grin broad enough, it’s not that. Worse is to ride a wheel, a
glittering machine that runs without knowing to move. It is no
part of the eternal truth to wear white canvas shoes and a pink
coat. It is a damnable lie to be fourteen. The curse of God is
on her head! Who can speak of justice when young men wear
round hats and carry bundles wrapped in paper. It is a case for
the supreme court to button a coat in the wind, no matter how
icy. Lewd to touch an arm at a crossing; the shame of it
screams to the man in a window. The horrible misery brought on
by the use of black shoes is more than the wind will ever swallow.
To move at all is worse than murder, worse than Jack the Ripper.
It’s lies, walking, spitting, breathing, coughing lies that bloom,
shine sun, shine moon. Unfair to see or be seen, snatch-purses
work. Eat hands full of ashes, angels have lived on it time without
end. Are you better than an angel? Let judges giggle to
each other over their benches and use dirty towels in the anteroom.
Gnaw, gnaw, gnaw! at the heads of felons.… There
was a baroness lived in Hungary bathed twice monthly in virgin’s
blood.
A mother will love her children most grotesquely. I do not
mean by that more than the term “perversely” perhaps more
accurately describes. Oh I mean the most commonplace of
mothers. She will be most willing toward that daughter who
thwarts her most and not toward the little kitchen helper. So
where one is mother to any great number of people he will love
best perhaps some child whose black and peculiar hair is an exact
replica of that of the figure in Velasques’, Infanta Maria Theresa
or some Italian matron whose largeness of manner takes in the
whole street. These things relate to inner perfections which it
would be profitless to explain.
Where does this downhill turn up again? Driven to the
wall you’d put claws to your toes and make a ladder of smooth
bricks. But this, this scene shifting that has clipped the clouds’
stems and left them to flutter down; heaped them at the feet, so
much hay, so much bull’s fodder. (Au moins, you cannot deny
you have the clouds to grasp now, mon ami!) Climb now? The
wall’s clipped off too, only its roots are left. Come, here’s an
iron hoop from a barrel once held nectar to gnaw spurs out of.
You cannot hold spirit round the arms but it takes lies for
wings, turns poplar leaf and flutters off—leaving the old stalk
desolate. There’s much pious pointing at the sky but on the
other side few know how youth’s won again, the pesty spirit shed
each ten years for more skin room. And who’ll say what’s pious
or not pious or how I’ll sing praise to God? Many a morning,
were’t not for a cup of coffee, a man would be lonesome enough
no matter how his child gambols. And for the boy? There’s no
craft in him; it’s this or that, the thing’s done and tomorrow’s
another day. But if you push him too close, try for the
butterflies, you’ll have a devil at the table.
One need not be hopelessly cast down because he cannot cut
onyx into a ring to fit a lady’s finger. You hang your head.
There is neither onyx nor porphyry on these roads—only brown
dirt. For all that, one may see his face in a flower along it—even
in this light. Eyes only and for a flash only. Oh, keep the
neck bent, plod with the back to the split dark! Walk in the
curled mudcrusts to one side, hands hanging. Ah well.…
Thoughts are trees! Ha, ha, ha, ha! Leaves load the branches
and upon them white night sits kicking her heels against the stars.
A poem can be made of anything. This is a portrait of a
disreputable farm hand made out of the stuff of his environment.
There’s the bathtub. Look at it, caustically rejecting its
smug proposal. Ponder removedly the herculean task of a bath.
There’s much cameraderie in filth but it’s no’ that. And change
is lightsome but it’s not that either. Fresh linen with a dab here,
there of the wet paw serves me better. Take a stripling stroking
chin-fuzz, match his heart against that of grandpa watching his
silver wane. When these two are compatible I’ll plunge in.
But where’s the edge lifted between sunlight and moonlight.
Where does lamplight cease to nick it? Here’s hot water.
It is the mark of our civilization that all houses today include
a room for the relief and washing of the body, a room ingeniously
appointed with water-vessels of many and curious sorts. There
is nothing in antiquity to equal this.
Neatness and finish; the dust out of every corner! You
swish from room to room and find all perfect. The house may
now be carefully wrapped in brown paper and sent to a publisher.
It is a work of art. You look rather askance at me. Do not
believe I cannot guess your mind, yet I have my studies. You
see, when the wheel’s just at the up turn it glimpses horizon,
zenith, all in a burst, the pull of the earth shaken off, a scatter
of fragments, significance in a burst of water striking up from
the base of a fountain. Then at the sickening turn toward death
the pieces are joined into a pretty thing, a bouquet frozen in an
ice-cake. This is art, mon cher, a thing to carry up with you
on the next turn; a very small thing, inconceivably feathery.
Live as they will together a husband and wife give each
other many a sidelong glance at unlikely moments. Each
watches the other out of the tail of his eye. Always it seems
some drunkeness is waiting to unite them. First one then the
other empties some carafe of spirits forgetting that two lumps of
earth are neither wiser nor sadder.… A man watches his
wife clean house. He is filled with knowledge by his wife’s
exertions. This is incomprehensible to her. Knowing she will
never understand his excitement he consoles himself with the
thought of art.
The pretension of these doors to broach or to conclude our
pursuits, our meetings,—of these papered walls to separate our
thoughts of impossible tomorrows and these ceilings—that are a
jest at shelter.… It is laughter gone mad—of a holiday—that
has frozen into this—what shall I say? Call it, this house of
ours, the crystal itself of laughter, thus peaked and faceted.
It is a popular superstition that a house is somehow the
possession of the man who lives in it. But a house has no relation
whatever to anything but itself. The architect feels the rhythm
of the house drawing his mind into opaque partitions in which
doors appear, then windows and so on until out of the vague or
clearcut mind of the architect the ill-built or deftly-built house
has been empowered to draw stone and timbers into a foreappointed
focus. If one shut the door of a house he is to that
extent a carpenter.
Outside, the north wind, coming and passing, swelling and
dying, lifts the frozen sand drives it arattle against the lidless
windows and we my dear sit stroking the cat stroking the
cat and smiling sleepily, prrrrr.
A house is sometimes wine. It is more than a skin. The
young pair listen attentively to the roar of the weather. The
blustering cold takes on the shape of a destructive presence.
They loosen their imaginations. The house seems protecting
them. They relax gradually as though in the keep of a benevolent
protector. Thus the house becomes a wine which has
drugged them out of their senses.
This is a slight stiff dance to a waking baby whose arms
have been lying curled back above his head upon the pillow,
making a flower—the eyes closed. Dead to the world! Waking
is a little hand brushing away dreams. Eyes open. Here’s a
new world.
There is nothing the sky-serpent will not eat. Sometimes it
stoops to gnaw Fujiyama, sometimes to slip its long and softly
clasping tongue about the body of a sleeping child who smiles
thinking its mother is lifting it.
Security, solidity—we laugh at them in our clique. It is
tobacco to us, this side of her leg. We put it in our samovar and
make tea of it. You see the stuff has possibilities. You think
you are opposing the rich but the truth is you’re turning toward
authority yourself, to say nothing of religion. No, I do not say
it means nothing. Why everything is nicely adjusted to our
moods. But I would rather describe to you what I saw in the
kitchen last night—overlook the girl a moment: there over the
sink (1) this saucepan holds all, (2) this colander holds most,
(3) this wire sieve lets most go and (4) this funnel holds
nothing. You appreciate the progression. What need then to
be always laughing? Quit phrase making—that is, not of course—but
you will understand me or if not—why—come to breakfast
sometime around evening on the fourth of January any year
you please; always be punctual where eating is concerned.
My little son’s improvisations exceed mine: a round stone
to him’s a loaf of bread or “this hen could lay a dozen golden
eggs”. Birds fly about his bedstead; giants lean over him with
hungry jaws; bears roam the farm by summer and are killed and
quartered at a thought. There are interminable stories at eating
time full of bizarre imagery, true grotesques, pigs that change to
dogs in the telling, cows that sing, roosters that become mountains
and oceans that fill a soup plate. There are groans and growls,
dun clouds and sunshine mixed in a huge phantasmagoria that
never rests, never ceases to unfold into—the day’s poor little
happenings. Not that alone. He has music which I have not.
His tunes follow no scale, no rhythm—alone the mood in odd
ramblings up and down, over and over with a rigor of invention
that rises beyond the power to follow except in some more
obvious flight. Never have I heard so crushing a critique as
those desolate inventions, involved half-hymns, after his first
visit to a Christian sunday school.
This song is to Phyllis! By this deep snow I know it’s
springtime, not ring time! Good God no! The screaming brat’s
a sheep bleating, the rattling crib-side sheep shaking a bush. We
are young! We are happy! says Colin. What’s an icy room
and the sun not up? This song is to Phyllis. Reproduction lets
death in, says Joyce. Rot, say I. To Phyllis this song is!
That which is known has value only by virtue of the dark.
This cannot be otherwise. A thing known passes out of the mind
into the muscles, the will is quit of it, save only when set into
vibration by the forces of darkness opposed to it.
Baaaa! Ba-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Bebe esa purga. It is
the goats of Santo Domingo talking. Bebe esa purga!
Bebeesapurga! And the answer is: Yo no lo quiero beber!
Yonoloquierobeber!
It is nearly pure luck that gets the mind turned inside out
in a work of art. There is nothing more difficult than to write
a poem. It is something of a matter of slight of hand. The
poets of the T’ang dynasty or of the golden age in Greece or even
the Elizabethans: it’s a kind of alchemy of form, a deft bottling
of a fermenting language. Take Dante and his Tuscan dialect— It’s
a matter of position. The empty form drops from a cloud,
like a gourd from a vine; into it the poet packs his phallus-like
argument.
The red huckleberry bushes running miraculously along the
ground among the trees everywhere, except where the land’s
tilled, these keep her from that tiredness the earth’s touch lays up
under the soles of feet. She runs beyond the wood follows the
swiftest along the roads laughing among the birch clusters her
face in the yellow leaves the curls before her eyes her mouth
half open. This is a person in particular there where they have
her—and I have only a wraith in the birch trees.
It is not the lusty bodies of the nearly naked girls in the
shows about town, nor the blare of the popular tunes that make
money for the manager. The girls can be procured rather more
easily in other ways and the music is dirt cheap. It is that this
meat is savored with a strangeness which never looses its fresh
taste to generation after generation, either of dancers or those
who watch. It is beauty escaping, spinning up over the heads,
blown out at the overtaxed vents by the electric fans.
In many poor and sentimental households it is a custom to
have cheap prints in glass frames upon the walls. These are of
all sorts and many sizes and may be found in any room from the
kitchen to the toilet. The drawing is always of the worst and the
colors, not gaudy but almost always of faint indeterminate tints,
are infirm. Yet a delicate accuracy exists between these prints
and the environment which breeds them. But as if to intensify
this relationship words are added. There will be a “sentiment”
as it is called, a rhyme, which the picture illuminates. Many of
these pertain to love. This is well enough when the bed is new
and the young couple spend the long winter nights there in
delightful seclusion. But childbirth follows in its time and a
motto still hangs above the bed. It is only then that the full
ironical meaning of these prints leaves the paper and the frame
and starting through the glass takes undisputed sway over the
household.
I like the boy. It’s years back I began to draw him to me—or
he was pushed my way by the others. And what if there’s
no sleep because the bed’s burning; is that a reason to send a chap
to Greystone! Greystone! There’s a name if you’ve any tatter
of mind left in you. It’s the long back, narrowing that way at
the waist perhaps whets the chisel in me. How the flanks flutter
and the heart races. Imagination! That’s the worm in the
apple. What if it run to paralyses and blind fires, here’s sense
loose in a world set on foundations. Blame buzzards for the eyes
they have.
Buzzards, granted their disgusting habit in regard to meat,
have eyes of a power equal to that of the eagles’.
Five miscarriages since January is a considerable record
Emily dear—but hearken to me: The Pleiades—that small cluster
of lights in the sky there—. You’d better go on in the house
before you catch cold. Go on now!
Carelessness of heart is a virtue akin to the small lights of
the stars. But it is sad to see virtues in those who have not the
gift of the imagination to value them.
Damn me I feel sorry for them. Yet syphilis is no more
than a wild pink in the rock’s cleft. I know that. Radicals and
capitalists doing a can-can tread the ground clean. Luck to the
feet then. Bring a Russian to put a fringe to the rhythm. What’s
the odds? Commiseration cannot solve calculus. Calculus is a
stone. Frost’ll crack it. Till then, there’s many a good back-road
among the clean raked fields of hell where autumn flowers
are blossoming.
Pathology literally speaking is a flower garden. Syphilis
covers the body with salmon-red petals. The study of medicine
is an inverted sort of horticulture. Over and above all this floats
the philosophy of disease which is a stern dance. One of its
most delightful gestures is bringing flowers to the sick.
For a choice? Go to bed at three in the afternoon with
your clothes on: dreams for you! Here’s an old bonnefemme
in a pokebonnet staring into the rear of a locomotive. Or if
this prove too difficult take a horse-drag made of green limbs, a
kind of leaf cloth. Up the street with it! Ha, how the tar
clings. Here’s glee for the children. All’s smeared. Green’s
black. Leap like a devil, clap hands and cast around for more.
Here’s a pine wood driven head down into a mud-flat to build a
school on. Oh la, la! sand pipers made mathematicians at the
state’s cost.
There’s force to this cold sun, makes beard stubble stand
shinily. We look, we pretend great things to our glass—rubbing
our chin: This is a profound comedian who grimaces deeds into
slothful breasts. This is a sleepy president, without followers
save oak leaves—but their coats are of the wrong color. This
is a farmer—plowed a field in his dreams and since that time—goes
stroking the weeds that choke his furrows. This is a poet
left his own country—
The simple expedient of a mirror has practical use for
arranging the hair, for observation of the set of a coat, etc. But
as an exercise for the mind the use of a mirror cannot be too
highly recommended. Nothing of a mechanical nature could be
more conducive to that elasticity of the attention which frees
the mind for the enjoyment of its special prerogatives.
A man can shoot his spirit up out of a wooden house, that
is, through the roof—the roof’s slate—but how far? It is of
final importance to know that. To say the world turns under my
feet and that I watch it passing with a smile is neither the truth
nor my desire. But I would wish to stand—you’ve seen the
kingfisher do it—where the largest town might be taken in my
two hands, as high let us say as a man’s head—some one man
not too far above the clouds. What would I do then? Oh I’d
hold my sleeve over the sun awhile to make church bells ring.
It is obvious that if in flying an airplane one reached such
an altitude that all sense of direction and every intelligible perception
of the world were lost there would be nothing left to do but
to come down to that point at which eyes regained their power.
Towels will stay in a heap—if the window’s shut and oil
in a bottle—if the cork’s there. But if the meat’s not cut to suit
it’s no use rising before sun up, you’ll never sweep the dust from
these floors. Hide smiles among the tall glasses in the cupboard,
come back when you think the trick’s done and you’ll find only
dead flies there. It’s beyond hope. You were not born of a
Monday.
There are divergences of humor that cannot be reconciled.
A young woman of much natural grace of manner and very apt at
a certain color of lie is desirous of winning the good graces of one
only slightly her elder but nothing comes of her exertions.
Instead of yielding to a superficial advantage she finally gives up
the task and continues in her own delicate bias of peculiar and
beautiful design much to the secret delight of the onlooker who
is thus regaled by the spectacle of two exquisite and divergent
natures playing one against the other.
Hark! There’s laughter! These fight and draw nearer,
we—fight and draw apart. They know the things they say are
true bothways, we miss the joke—try to—Oh, try to. Let it go
at that. There again! Real laughter. At least we have each
other in the ring of that music. “He saved a little then had to go
and die”. But isn’t it the same with all of us? Not at all.
Some laugh and laugh, with little grey eyes looking out through
the chinks—but not brown eyes rolled up in a full roar. One
can’t have everything.
Going along an illworn dirt road on the outskirts of a mill
town one Sunday afternoon two lovers who have quarreled hear
the loud cursing and shouts of drunken laborers and their women,
followed by loud laughter and wish that their bodies were two
fluids in the same vessel. Then they fall to twitting each other
on the many ways of laughing.
Doors have a back side also. And grass blades are double-edged.
It’s no use trying to deceive me, leaves fall more by the
buds that push them off than by lack of greenness. Or throw
two shoes on the floor and see how they’ll lie if you think it’s
all one way.
There is no truth—sh!—but the honest truth and that is that
touch-me-nots mean nothing, that daisies at a distance seem
mushrooms and that—your japanese silk today was not the sky’s
blue but your pajamas now as you lean over the crib’s edge
are and day’s in! Grassgreen the mosquito net caught over
your head’s butt for foliage. What else? except odors—an old
hallway. Moresco. Salvago. —and a game of socker. I was
too nervous and young to win—that day.
All that seem solid: melancholias, idees fixes, eight years
at the academy, Mr. Locke, this year and the next and the next—one
like another—whee!—they are April zephyrs, were one
a Botticelli, between their chinks, pink anemones.
Often it happens that in a community of no great distinction
some fellow of superficial learning but great stupidity will seem
to be rooted in the earth of the place the most solid figure
imaginable impossible to remove him.
The particular thing, whether it be four pinches of four
divers white powders cleverly compounded to cure surely, safely,
pleasantly a painful twitching of the eyelids or say a pencil
sharpened at one end, dwarfs the imagination, makes logic a
butterfly, offers a finality that sends us spinning through space, a
fixity the mind could climb forever, a revolving mountain, a complexity
with a surface of glass: the gist of poetry. D. C. al fin.
There is no thing that with a twist of the imagination cannot
be something else. Porpoises risen in a green sea, the wind at
nightfall bending the rose-red grasses and you—in your apron
running to catch—say it seems to you to be your son. How
ridiculous! You will pass up into a cloud and look back at me,
not count the scribbling foolish that put wings to your heels, at
your knees.
Sooner or later as with the leaves forgotten the swinging
branch long since and summer: they scurry before a wind on the
frost-baked ground—have no place to rest—somehow invoke a
burst of warm days not of the past nothing decayed: crisp
summer!—neither a copse for resurrected frost eaters but a
summer removed undestroyed a summer of dried leaves
scurrying with a screech, to and fro in the half dark—twittering,
chattering, scraping. Hagh!
Seeing the leaves dropping from the high and low branches
the thought rises: this day of all others is the one chosen, all
other days fall away from it on either side and only itself remains
in perfect fulness. It is its own summer, of its leaves as they
scrape on the smooth ground it must build its perfection. The
gross summer of the year is only a halting counterpart of those
fiery days of secret triumph which in reality themselves paint the
year as if upon a parchment, giving each season a mockery of the
warmth or frozeness which is within ourselves. The true seasons
blossom or wilt not in fixed order but so that many of them may
pass in a few weeks or hours whereas sometimes a whole life
passes and the season remains of a piece from one end to the
other.
THE END.