Jokes For All Occasions

About this eBook

Author

Anonymous

Title

Jokes For All Occasions Selected and Edited by One of America's Foremost Public Speakers

Credits

Produced by Barbara Tozier, Bill Tozier, Martin Pettit and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at www.pgdp.net

Language

English

LoC Class

PN: Language and Literatures: Literature: General, Criticism, Collections

Subject

American wit and humor

Category

Text

eBook-No.

21084

Project Gutenberg

https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/21084

Release Date

April 15, 2007

Copyright

Public domain in the USA.

Contents

1. 1.JOKES
2. 2.FOR ALL OCCASIONS — SELECTED AND EDITED BY ONE OF AMERICA'S FOREMOST PUBLIC SPEAKERS — JOKES
3. 3.FOR ALL OCCASIONS
4. 4.CONTENTS
5. 5.PREFACE
6. 6.INTRODUCTION — STORIES.
7. 7.JOKES — FOR ALL OCCASIONS — ABSENTMINDEDNESS — ACQUAINTANCE — ACTORS — ADVERTISING — AFFECTION — AGE — ALIBI — AMNESTY — ANATOMY — APPEARANCE — APPETITE — APPRECIATION — ARGUMENT — ART — ATHLETICS — AUTHORS — BABIES — BAIT — BALDNESS — BAPTISM — BAPTISTS — BASEBALL — BATTLE — BEARS — BEER — BEGGARS — BEGINNERS — BETROTHAL — BIGAMY — BIRTH — BLESSING — BLIND — BLINDNESS — BLOCKHEAD — BONE OF CONTENTION — BREAKFAST — BREVITY — BRIBERY — BRUTALITY — BURGLARY — CANDOR — CALMNESS — CARDS — CARELESSNESS — CATERPILLARS — CATS — CHARITY — CHICKEN-STEALING — CHRISTIANITY — CHRISTMAS — CHURCH — CLEANLINESS — COMMUNITY — COMPENSATION — COMPLIMENTS — CONCEALMENT — CONCEIT — CONSCIENCE — CONSTANCY — CONVERSION — COOKERY — COURTESY — COWARDICE — CURIOSITY — DAMAGES — DANGER — DEAD CERTAINTY — DEAD MEN'S SHOES — DEAFNESS — DEDICATION — DEFINITION — DEGREES IN DEGRADATION — DELAY — DEVIL — DIET — DIGESTION — DIPLOMACY — DIRT — DISCIPLINE — DISCRETION — DIVORCE — DOCTORS — DOCTRINE — DOCUMENTARY EVIDENCE — DOGS — DOMESTIC QUARRELS — DOUBT — DRAMA — DREAMS — DRESS — DRINK — DRUGGED — DUTY — EASY LIVING — ECONOMY — EFFICIENCY — EGGS — EGOTISM — ELEPHANT — ELOPEMENT — ENOUGH — EPITAPH — EVIDENCE — EXCLUSIVENESS — EXPECTANCY — EXPENSE ACCOUNT — EXPERIENCE — EXPERTS — EXPLICITNESS — EXTRAVAGANCE — FACTS — FASHION — FAVORS — FIGHTING — FINANCE — FINANCIERS — FISHING — FLATTERY — FLEAS — FLIRTATION — FLOOD — FLOWERS — FOG — FOLLIES — FOOD — FOREHANDEDNESS — FORESIGHT — FORGETFULNESS — FORM — FRAUD — FRIENDSHIP — FRENCH — FUSSINESS — GENDER — GENTLEMAN — GEOGRAPHY — GHOSTS — GOD — GOD'S WILL — GOLF — GRACE — GRAMMAR — GRASS — GREED — GRIEF — HABIT — HAIR — HARD TO PLEASE — HASTE — HEARSAY — HEAVEN — HELP — HELPFULNESS — HEN — HEREAFTER — HEREDITY — HIGH PRICES — HINDSIGHT — HINTING — HISTORY — HOGS — HOLDING HIS OWN — HOME BREW — HOMESICKNESS — HONEYMOON — HONORABLE INTENTIONS — HOSPITAL — HOSPITALITY — HUMBUG — HUMIDITY — HUMILITY — HUNGER — HUNTING — IDENTITY — IDIOMS — ILLUSTRATION — IMPATIENCE — IMPUDENCE — INDIRECTION — INHERITANCE — INITIATIVE — INJUSTICE — INNOCENCE — INQUISITIVENESS — INSOMNIA — INSULT — INSURANCE — INTERMISSION — INVENTORS — ITEMS — JOKES — KINSHIP — KISSES — KISSING — LAUGHTER — LAW — LAWYERS — LEGERDEMAIN — LIARS — LIES — LIGHTNING — LISP — LITERAL — LITERALNESS — LOGIC — LOQUACITY — LOVE — LOVE ME, LOVE ME NOT — LUCK — LUNACY — LUXURY — LYING — MAIDENS — MAIDEN SPEECH — MANNERS — MARKSMANSHIP — MARRIAGE — MERIT — MILITARY DISCIPLINE — MISCELLANY — MISTAKEN IDENTITY — MISMATED — MIXED METAPHORS — MODESTY — MONEY TALKS — MONEY VALUE — MONOGAMY — MONOTONY — MORALITY — MOSQUITOES — MOTTO — MUSIC — NEATNESS — NEIGHBORS — NERVES — NIGHTMARE — NOMENCLATURE — OBSTINACY — OMEN — OPTICAL ILLUSION — OPTIMISM — ORIENTATION — OUTWORN — PARADOX — PASTORAL — PATRIOTISM — PEACE — PENSION — PESSIMISM — PHILANTHROPY — PHONETICS — PHYSIOLOGY — PLAIN SPEAKING — PLAYING POSSUM — PLUMBER — POETRY — POINT OF VIEW — POKER — POLITENESS — POLITICS — POPULATION — POSTAL — PRAISE — PRAYER — PREACHER — PRECAUTION — PRECOCITY — PREMATURENESS — PREPAREDNESS — PRIDE — PRECOCIOUSNESS — PRISON REFORM — PRIVILEGE — PROCRASTINATION — PROFANITY — PROFITEERS — PROGRESS — PROHIBITION — PROLIFIC — PRONUNCIATION — PROOF — PROPERTY — PROVIDENCE — PRUDENCE — PUNISHMENT — PUNS — PUZZLE — QUARRELSOME — QUESTIONS — RAILROAD — RECOGNITION — REFORM — RELIABILITY — REPENTANCE — REPETITION — RESIGNATION — REVOLUTION — REWARD OF MERIT — REWARD OF VIRTUE — RULING PASSION — SAFETY FIRST — SANITY — SARCASM — SAVING — SCHEDULE — SEASICKNESS — SECTARIAN — SELF-BETRAYAL — SERMON — SCAPEGOAT — SHEEP AND GOATS — SHIFTLESSNESS — SHIPWRECK — SLANDER — SLAVERY — SMELLS — SOCIAL UPLIFT — SPANKING — SPEED — SPELLING — SPINSTERHOOD — SPITE — SPORTSMANSHIP — SPRING — STAMMERING — STYLE — SUNDAY SCHOOL — SUPERMAN — SUPERSTITION — SUSPENSE — SUSPICION — SYMPATHY — TACT — TALKING MACHINE — TAR AND FEATHERS — TASTE — TEARS — TENDER MEMORIES — TERMINOLOGY — TESTIMONY — THREAT — THRIFT — TIME FLIES — TIT FOR TAT — TOBACCO — TOILETTE DETAILS — TONGUE — TREACHERY — TREASURE TROVE — TRIAL — TRIPLETS — TRUTH-TELLERS — TYPOGRAPHICAL ERROR — VALUES — VANITY — VICTORY — WAR — WEATHER — WHALES — WHISKERS — WIDOW — WIDOWHOOD — WIFE — WILD WOMEN — WISDOM — WOMAN — WOMAN SUFFRAGE
8. 8.The following pages have been selected and edited by "Life's" famous contributor — + A. C. — HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL — A CONSOLING THOUGHT — LIFE'S DIFFICULTIES — THE SERVANT PROBLEM — TROUBLES OF THE NEW-POOR — THE NEW APPRECIATION — OUR MODERN INFANT — A SUBTLE DISTINCTION — BLUE BLOOD — THE OBSTACLE — CHANGING THE SUBJECT — A CHANCE LOST — DURING THE QUARREL — CONDITIONAL — JUST IGNORANCE — ALL IN ONE BREATH — A YOUNG PHILOSOPHER — FEMININITY — GETTING EVEN — A SOOTHING EFFECT — IN THAT CASE — A QUALIFIED STATEMENT — HIS SPHERE — A LOVERS' QUARREL — A DREADFUL POSSIBILITY — GETTING RECKLESS — RETROACTIVE — APOLOGIZING — DENIED THE PRIVILEGE — A GOOD PLAN — ENFRANCHISEMENT OF WOMAN — FAMILIARITY, ETC. — REASSURING — HOW IT HAPPENED — A LINGUIST — THE DIFFERENCE — THE ROAD TO——, ETC. — CLASSIFIED — A SOLUTION — ENCOURAGING — AN ALIAS — CHANGING PLACES — ECONOMY — QUALIFIED — CLAIMING ACQUAINTANCE — FROM THE HEART — AN ARGUMENT — THE SECRET — WANTS HER RIGHTS — GETTING BACK — DURING VACATION — NOT UNIQUE — A NOBLE AIM — ONCE TOO OFTEN — CAUSE AND EFFECT — SYMPATHY — SLIGHTED — GOING FURTHER — GETTING ON — LITERALLY — AN EXTENSIVE LOVE — CAUSE AND EFFECT — NO DISSENSION — IN KEEPING — HE KNEW — ARRANGED TO FIT — PROBABLY — SURE SIGNS — SUCH A WASTE — TOO ONE-SIDED — DISCRETION — BETTER UNSAID — LETTING HIM KNOW — WHY, INDEED — ONLY THEIR WAY — INADVERTENT — MAKING SURE — MORE DESPERATE STILL — SYMPATHY — POPULAR OPINION — MORE OPPORTUNITY — NOT WHAT SHE MEANT — JUSTIFICATION — HIS REPUTATION — NOT UP-TO-DATE — NOT RESTRICTED — A GREAT ATHLETE — NOTHING NEW TO HIM — KNOWLEDGE — A HUMBLING SIGHT — TROUBLESOME CUSTOMER — REMEMBERED — NATURAL DEDUCTION — TOO GOOD — AN ERROR IN JUDGMENT — TEACHING THE YOUNG IDEA — HE TAKES YOUR TIME — THE FLOOR HELD — HIS DIFFICULTY — THE REAL JOB — OFF LIKE A SHOT — ANSWERED — TO BE SURE — A CLOSE CALL — READY AND WILLING — SARCASM — NONE AT ALL — ART AND NATURE — MISUNDERSTOOD — ALL BRAINS — THIRTEEN TO ONE — A GOOD ACTOR — TOO SAD FOR THAT — REALISED — NEVER MISS ONE — A BAD NIGHT — TRIPPED — THE GLOOMY GUEST — NOT IN THE BUSINESS — HER VIEWS — A GOOD MATCH — LIFE'S BIGGEST PROBLEM — FISHY RECORD — PERFECT AGREEMENT — BOTTLED COURAGE — IT WORKED — FILM FEVER — THE DRUGGIST'S TURN — WRONG BROTHER — GUILTY — TOO ENTHUSIASTIC — BAD BOTH WAYS — HIS LITTLE MISTAKE — TOUGH ON THE SENATOR — REDEEMING TRAIT — OFF — NOT A FATHER — WEDDING DECLARED OFF — PERHAPS! — NO DOUBT — THE ALLEGED HUMORISTS — NO KICK COMING — NO NONSENSE ABOUT IT — TOO TRUE — CONSERVATIVE — HE HAD HEARD OF THEM — WHAT DID HE MEAN? — TRUE TO LIFE — WHAT HE PREFERRED — BLOOD RELATIONS — SCOTCHED! — THE BRUTE! — THE WHOLE TRUTH — THE CONSUMER INFLAMED — HOW HE DID IT — REALITY — PURE CARELESSNESS — A LEVEL-HEADED CAR — SUSPICIOUS — A WONDER! — IN A FIX — SUCKED! — HALF AND HALF — REVENGE IS SWEET — NO EFFECT — A FUTURE FINANCIER — A BAD CASE — BLACK SUPERSTITION — HALF A DUCK DEEP — COULDN'T RESIST IT — A QUESTION OF LOCALITY — HER SOFT ANSWER — HE WAS WRONG — OPENING FATHER'S EYES — NICE — NOT NEEDED — SHE COULD USE HIM — DECLINED WITH THANKS — MANAGING THE MANAGERS — A GREAT LIGHT — SANDY SCORED — WITH A RESERVATION — TOO SMART — OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT — NATIVE BORN — THE JONAH — THE SUBSTITUTE — MIGHT HAVE BEEN WORSE — GOOD OR BAD TURN? — TALKING SENSE — A MAGIC HEALER — SHE TOOK THEM — BUT HE'S ON HIS WAY — HER MATCH — SCIENTIFIC PROOF — A NATURAL PICTURE — NOTHING TO SMILE AT — DREW BLANK — A FRIEND IN NEED — WHAT HE PREFERRED — READY TO JOIN — HELPFUL PA! — HE KNEW — THEY WILT — NOT STRONG ENOUGH — WHY HE PICKED PICTISH — PLAYED THEM BOTH UP — JUSTICE AT LAST — IN ORDER TO BE FILLED — CAUSTIC — NOT WORTH MUCH — NOTHING TO FEAR — MISLED

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