"A BUFFALO-HUNT."
Alfred Van Hoosen kept his word in relation
to the buffalo-hunt, and early on a fine
morning the party took the cars for his uncle's
farm in Jersey.
Captain Cannon and Mr. Twinkle were in
high spirits, and even Mr. Mole looked forward
to some excellent sport.
Jack and Harvey pretended to be as enthusiastic
as the rest, while Van Hoosen discoursed
upon the danger attending such a hunt as the
one they were about to engage in.
When the old homestead was reached, Alfred
apologized for the absence of his uncle, who was
still away in Philadelphia, and did the honors of
the house himself.
Old Stock, the steward, who had been posted
by Alfred, spread an excellent lunch on the
table, and provided rifles and ammunition for
the party, but none of them, except Alfred,
Jack and Harvey, knew that the cartridges were
all blank.
It would never have done to kill the buffalo,
for Alfred's uncle would not have pardoned such
an outrage.
Champagne flowed briskly, and every one was
in high spirits.
"Are there many buffalo, sir, in Jersey?" inquired
Captain Cannon, of Alfred.
"Considerable," replied Alfred. "But not so
many as there were. They are gradually being
killed off."
"When in India," continued the captain, "I
shot a tiger before breakfast, regularly, every
day, for a year."
"Come, come! That is drawing the long
bow," said Mr. Twinkle. "I shot a lion once a
week, while in Africa, for six months, but a
tiger every day, is too much."
"Fact, I assure you, sir."
"I can quite believe it," said Professor Mole.
"For when I was in China I used to kill a score
of alligators, every day, just to keep my hand
in."
"Well, gentlemen," exclaimed Alfred, "suppose
you show your skill on the buffalo."
They all jumped up, grasped their rifles, took
a supply of cartridges, and started for the park
in which the big game were grazing.
It was raining slightly, and Mr. Mole provided
himself with an umbrella, which did not add
to his sportsmanlike appearance.
The professor also carried a note-book, in
which to record any interesting fact concerning
the day's hunt, so that he could send a report to
the President of the Travelers' Club.
"Fine undulating country," he wrote. "Buffalo-grass
observable. Jersey the favorite
home of this remarkable animal."
After walking half an hour they came upon
an old bull who was standing under a tree.
"Ha! What have we here?" cried Captain
Cannon.
"That's a buffalo," replied Van Hoosen.
"Dear me, I should have taken it for a cow.
How savage he looks!"
"Yes. The buffalo in his wild, untamed
state is very ferocious. Now, gentlemen, Harkaway,
Harvey and myself will stay here, while
you three go up and stalk the game. If he escapes
you, we will bring him down."
"Thank you," replied the captain. "Advance,
my friends. This is a glorious moment."
It was observable that Mr. Twinkle trembled
violently and could scarcely hold his gun.
The three advanced together slowly, but
neither would go ahead of the others.
Van Hoosen made a signal to Jack and Harvey,
who followed him into a thicket.
Here old Stock, the steward, was securely
hidden, awaiting their coming.
"What's in the wind now?" asked Jack.
"We're bound to scare your friends, and I
want you to dress up as Indians. Stock has
everything ready for us, even to a pot of red
paint."
Jack struck an attitude.
"Heap big Injun, ugh!" he exclaimed, amid
much laughter.
They quickly proceeded to disguise themselves,
tied feathers in their hair, put on their
war-paint, and slung blankets over their shoulders.
While they were dressing the three buffalo-hunters
were approaching the old bull, who
watched them with as much curiosity as they
displayed with regard to him.
"Twinkle," said the captain, "you are entitled
to the first shot."
"N-no," replied Twinkle, with chattering
teeth. "Think you ought to have the honor."
"I decline it."
"Then by all means let Mr. Mole attack the
beast. How fierce he looks, and what terrible
horns he has! Go in, Mole, and slay him!"
"That is for you to do," replied Mole. "I
will lie down in the grass where he can't see
me."
"What is the use of that?"
"Don't you see? I can take a steady shot at
the savage creature and he won't know what hit
him."
The professor did not waste any more time in
words. He threw himself down in the long
grass, while Captain Cannon retired behind the
unfortunate Twinkle.
The latter had never in his life shot anything
bigger than a sparrow in spite of all his boasting,
and he was thoroughly alarmed.
"Bless me!" exclaimed the captain. "Where
are Harkaway and the other fellows?"
"Not gone, are they?" inquired Twinkle.
"I can't see them anywhere."
"The cowards! They have run away and
left us to face the music! That's mean," said
Twinkle.
The bull at this moment left the shelter of the
tree and advanced toward the intruders on his
domain.
"He's a-coming!" gasped Twinkle.
"Fire!" said the captain.
Mr. Twinkle grasped his gun fiercely, shut his
eyes, turned his back to the buffalo, and
fired.
The blank cartridge struck Captain Cannon,
hurting him considerably in a very tender portion
of his body—not in front neither.
"Oh-h!!! I'm shot!" he said, clapping his
hands to the place and dropping his gun.
"Shot! did I hit you?" asked Mr. Twinkle, innocently.
"Did you? Why, you confounded idiot, I'm
covered with blood. Look here!" the captain
gasped, indignantly.
He withdrew his hands from the wound and
regarded the ruby fluid grimly.
"I'm very sorry."
"Sorry be hanged! What good will that do
me? Perhaps I shall die, or lose my leg; anyway,
I know I sha'n't be able to sit down in
comfort for a week."
"I apologize. It—it sha'n't occur again," replied
Twinkle. "I don't know how it happened.
This is a horrid old gun. I never shot with such
a funny gun before."
"It's my opinion you're afraid, sir," shouted
the captain. "Why don't you load up?"
"I distinctly refuse to do so, sir," retorted
Twinkle; "and after the injurious language you
have used to me, sir, I shall retire from this
shoot and leave you to kill the buffalo yourself."
Saying this, he ran away and hid himself behind
a neighboring tree.
The captain looked after him contemptuously.
Meanwhile the bull was getting nearer, and it
was necessary to do something to check his progress.
Taking a steady aim, Captain Cannon discharged
his piece, and was surprised to see the
animal remain unharmed.
Loading up, he fired again and again, but the
beast did not fall, though he grew enraged, and
uttering a defiant snort, charged.
The captain ran with all his might and succeeded
in reaching a tree, behind which he sheltered
himself.
"Shoot him, Mole!" he cried. "You've a
capital chance; let the brute have it, under the
foreleg."
The professor fired, but with no better luck
than the others; and the bull, having his attention
diverted, took a survey of his new enemy.
Snorting again, he charged at the professor,
who sprung to his feet, threw away his gun,
and for want of a better weapon, opened his
umbrella.
Probably the buffalo had never before seen
this offshoot of civilization, for he was much
alarmed.
Turning tail, he fled ignominiously from the
field of battle, and was soon lost to sight.
"Bravo," cried the captain.
"Victory!" shouted Mr. Twinkle.
They emerged from their shelter and warmly
congratulated the professor on his exploit.
"It was a happy thought," said Mole. "I will
make a note of it. 'The buffalo, though impervious
to bullets, will fly at the sight of an umbrella.'"
"I think we had better go home," exclaimed
Twinkle.
"And I second that motion," replied the captain;
"for my wound is becoming stiff and
painful. We have actually seen a buffalo and
had a terrific encounter with it. This will be
sufficient to report to our society."
"Quite," remarked Mole. "I am perfectly satisfied."
Suddenly they were startled by a fearful yell,
which made them jump.
Looking round, they beheld three red Indians
in all their majesty of paint, feathers and tomahawks.
"Oh!! look!!!!" exclaimed Twinkle, "we shall
all be robbed and murdered!"
"Indians!" said the captain. "Why did not
Mr. Van Hoosen warn us of this danger? I
thought the wretches were kept on their reservations
and guarded by government troops."
"They can't scalp me," remarked Mole.
"Why not?"
"I wear a wig, to which they are welcome, if
they will only spare my life."
"Whoop! la whoop!" yelled the Indians, dancing
about in eccentric circles.
Twinkle fell on his knees, and clasping his
hands begged for mercy.
"Oh! good, kind gentlemen!" he said. "Have
pity on a poor Englishman far away from home,
who only came out here in the interest of science."
"Ugh! take scalp, want heap scalp to put in
wigwam," replied an Indian.
"I've very little hair, sir; it is scarcely worth
taking."
"My white brother is a squaw, he has the
heart of a dog; the pale-face is a coward; ugh!
I have spoken."
Captain Cannon and Mr. Mole followed Twinkle's
example and sunk on their knees.
They looked very comical in this undignified
position.
The Indians stood over them, each selecting
his victim and threatening him with a tomahawk
in one hand and the scalping-knife in the other.
Jack knocked off the professor's hat and making
a rapid circle with his knife, lifted the wig.
"Ha! white man heap big fraud," he exclaimed
as he hung the wig at his belt.
"I'm very sorry, sir," replied Mole. "But I
couldn't help growing bald. It's my misfortune,
not my fault—nature did it—all my family lose
their hair quite early in life."
"Give watch, money!"
"Certainly, with the greatest pleasure in life,"
said Mole, emptying his pockets.
He handed out some currency, a watch and
chain, chewing tobacco and a small flask of
spirits.
"What this? fire-water, hey?"
"Yes, good, kind sir. It's old rye whisky."
"If bad, Indian kill lying pale-face," said
Jack, tasting the whisky and handing it to
Harvey and Van Hoosen, who evinced their satisfaction
by guttural sounds and grunts.
Harvey contented himself with cutting Mr.
Twinkle's hair as short as he could, and Van
Hoosen did the same for the fire-eating captain.
They then tore up their hats and the close-cropped
looked as if they had just come out of
jail, while Mole's polished crown shone in the sunshine
like a ball of ivory.
Mr. Twinkle and the captain had to give up
all their valuables, which they did gladly,
thinking they were very lucky to escape with
their lives.
"White men crawl on belly, like snake, and
kiss Indians' feet," exclaimed Jack.
"I don't care about doing that," replied Mole.
Jack flourished his knife.
"White dog want to die?" he asked.
"Oh! no. Not yet. I'll do it," cried Mole,
hastily.
Jack retreated several paces, and the professor
crawled toward him, kissing his feet.
Van Hoosen and Harvey made their captives
do the same thing.
"Whoop!" cried Jack, "we leave the white
squaws now."
He took another drink out of the flask, his
companions did the same, and then they vanished
in the thicket as mysteriously as they had come.
"That was a narrow escape," said the professor.
"Yes, indeed," replied Captain Cannon. "I
shall have a fine story to tell when I get back to
London. First, I killed a savage buffalo bull, in
the wilds of New Jersey."
"You didn't kill him," observed Mr. Twinkle.
"Didn't I?"
"No, indeed. I think that honor belongs to
me."
"Any way, you shot something and that was
myself. I'll forgive you, if you will let me say,
without fear of contradiction, that I slew the
buffalo."
"You may as well tell a good lie while you
are about it," said Mr. Mole. "I always do."
"I have remarked that already," observed
the captain.
"A small falsehood is a contemptible thing,
but there is some glory in a big one."
"In what way can I amend mine?"
"Say that in the encounter with the bull he
tossed you on his horns, and you can show your
wound in corroboration of the story," replied
the professor.
The captain did not relish this allusion to his
wound, which was situated in an inglorious portion
of his anatomy.
Mr. Mole picked up the flask, which was
empty, and having discovered this fact, his disgust
found vent in words.
"These Indians are the meanest wretches I
ever met with," he said.
"What have they done now?" inquired Mr.
Twinkle.
"Emptied the flask—drained it dry, sir, by
Jove! I had intended to solace myself with a
quiet drink, but human aspirations are ever
destined to be dashed to the ground."
He sighed deeply.
"Let us go back to the house and enjoy Mr.
Van Hoosen's hospitality," suggested Mr.
Twinkle.
"I believe that motion was seconded and carried,
a few moments ago," said the captain.
"It was," replied the professor.
"Then I will give the word of command. By
your right, march! And if I ever come out buffalo-hunting
in the Jersey wilds again, may the
Lord forgive me."
The three men marched disconsolately toward
the house, and arranged among themselves to
say that they had encountered a band of Indians,
who, after a severe fight, overpowered
them by the sheer force of numbers.
"Let me tell the story," exclaimed Mole,
"and you corroborate all I say."
"Good!" cried the captain and Mr. Twinkle.
"I don't mind a little romancing," continued
Mole. "It comes naturally to me, and I know
it requires an effort on your part, gentlemen."
The sportsmen smiled and quickened their
pace, as they were anxious to reach the homestead,
and enjoy the good things which they
felt sure Mr. Van Hoosen would regale them
with.
When they arrived at the house, they were
met at the door by Alfred, Jack and Harvey.
"What sport did you meet with, sir?" asked
Harkaway.
"Splendid, my dear boy," replied Mr. Mole.
"You missed it."
"Is that so?"
"We killed the buffalo bull—at least, he was
hit and went away into a thicket to die. If it
had not been for a tribe of Indians who attacked
us, we should have had a capital day's gunning."
"Did the Indians fight you?"
"Yes, sir," answered Mr. Mole. "We were
absolutely surrounded by fifty of the red fiends,
but we showed a determined front and beat
them off."
"Did you kill any?"
"Did we. Well, I should smile if we did not,"
answered Mr. Mole.
"Where are the dead?"
"Ask their comrades. When they saw they
were defeated, they retired in disorder, but they
carried their dead with them."
"Carried off the dead?"
"Yes. I will give them the credit for that."
"But how did it occur that your wig is gone
and these gentlemen have had their hair cut short?"
inquired Harkaway.
Mr. Mole looked a little confused.
"Oh! I will explain that," he said; "on our
way home we were attacked by a horde of
tramps."
"A horde?"
"Yes, about a score, and being exhausted by
our encounter with the Indians we surrendered
at discretion."
"That was rough on you, sir. It was indeed.
Did the tramps rob you of anything?"
"All we possessed; but we beat the Indians,
and if we had been possessed of any cartridges
we should have driven off the tramps."
"That is a very good story," said Jack.
Mr. Mole looked indignant.
"What do you mean by that insinuation?" he
exclaimed. "Do you doubt my honor?"
"Oh! no. Not for a moment."
"Then why is it a good story?"
"Simply because it is the best lie, Mr. Mole,
that I have heard for a long time."
Captain Cannon struck his breast with his
hand and Mr. Twinkle looked unutterable things
at Jack.
"I am concerned in this allegation," said the
captain.
"Did I allegate anything?" asked Jack.
"Yes, sir, and I deny the allegation and despise
the allegator."
"That's a stale joke," replied Jack. "But
look here, gentlemen, if the Indians cut your
hair or took Mr. Mole's wig, we can return the
hirsute appendages. If the tramps robbed you
of money or valuables we can give them back."
"You!"
"Yes, sir," continued Harkaway; "what do
you say to this?"
"And this?" cried Harvey.
"And this?" added Van Hoosen.
They severally displayed the spoils they had
taken, placing them on a table.
The consternation and dismay of the three
pretenders was funny in the extreme.
"Then you were the Indians!" said the professor;
grasping the tail end of the joke feebly.
"We were," answered Jack.
"But how did you do it?"
"Oh! we dressed up, being determined to
have some fun with you, and as there was no
harm done, I hope you will forgive the joke."
"I do," replied the professor; "and I may
add that I knew it was you, Jack, all along."
"You did?"
"If I hadn't known it, do you think I would
have allowed you to take my wig."
"Allowed me?"
"Yes. It was the only one I had, and a bald-headed
old man is not a cheerful spectacle, nor
calculated to inspire respect."
He took up his wig and fitted it on, after
which he appropriated the various articles which
had been taken from him.
"Ah! Jack, you think you are a very smart
fellow, but I have known you from a boy, and
you can't fool me," said Mr. Mole.
"But I did to-day, though," replied Harkaway.
Captain Cannon took what belonged to him,
and appeared very indignant.
"Mr. Harkaway," he said, "you and I are
members of the same club."
"We are."
"And we came over here to hunt the buffalo
in its native wilds and make a report at
home."
"You did, but I had other things to attend
to."
"Never mind, you have grossly deceived me,
and I consider your joke an insult, sir."
"Do you?" said Jack, coldly.
"Yes, sir, I do. Look at my hair! it will take
a month to grow. I shall leave this country at
once."
"If you do, the country won't miss you. I
don't think there will be a general mourning, or
that the nation will go into bankruptcy."
Mr. Twinkle put on his hat with a savage air.
"I shall go, too," he said.
"By all means. Go to—Hong Kong or Halifax,
if you like."
Captain Cannon put his arm in that of Mr.
Twinkle.
"Mr. Van Hoosen," exclaimed Mr. Twinkle,
"we are disappointed in you."
"Sorry for that. I generally pan out pretty
good," replied Alfred.
"We are going, sir."
"So I heard you say before."
"We will not stay to partake of your hospitality, sir."
"Nobody asked you. I gave you a shot at
my uncle's old tame buffalo bull, but you had
only blank cartridges, and having done that, I
have no inclination to do anything further for
you."
"Blank cartridges!" ejaculated the captain.
"The deuce," said Mr. Twinkle. "That was
lucky for you, Cannon, when I fired round the
corner; I might have settled you, altogether."
"Come!" replied the captain, grandly.
"One word before you go, gentlemen," exclaimed
Alfred Van Hoosen. "You, as educated
men, ought not to have been such idiots as
to suppose you would find buffaloes and Indians
in New York State or Jersey, and you can't
blame me, as a playful American, for having a
joke with you, especially as your better-informed
friend, Mr. Harkaway, assisted me."
"I have nothing to say," replied Captain Cannon.
"Nor I," replied Mr. Twinkle. "For my part,
I don't like the country, and the people are—"
Alfred Van Hoosen stared at him, fixedly.
"Are what?" he asked.
Mr. Twinkle made just the least little nervous
start.
"Oh! perfect gentlemen, of course," he added.
"Come!" again said the captain. "The gentlemen
shall hear from us."
"By cable, I guess," laughed Alfred.
"Do you join us, Mr. Mole?" asked the captain,
not noticing the remark of Van Hoosen.
"Well—no," answered the professor. "I knew
it was a lark all through, and as I never bite off
my nose to spite my face, I will forgive Jack
this time, and stay to lunch with my very good
friend, Mr. Van Hoosen."
He held out his hand.
"No animosity, Al?" he added.
"Not the slightest in the world, my dear fellow,"
replied Van Hoosen.
Captain Cannon and Mr. Twinkle walked out
of the room together, fully determined to return
to England by the next steamer.
As they went, Alfred sung, the others joining
in the chorus:
"We'll settle on the banks
Of the lovely Ohio,
Through the wild woods we'll wend
As we hunt the buffalo"
And the refrain rung in their ears all the way
to the depot:
"As we hunt the buff-a-lo."