Our house is a long one; it takes two minutes to
walk from one end to the other, consequently by
the time one has gone from the principal staircase
at the east extremity to the kitchen at the west,
one is older by two minutes; whether one has
grown in the time I am unable to say, never having
taken measures before starting and on arriving. It
is satisfactory that the staircase and not the dining-room
occupies the extreme east, otherwise we should
always partake of cold meals.
But as if the main block of the house were not, in
all conscience, long enough, at some unknown period
since its first construction a back kitchen was added
beyond the kitchen, farther west, and then, a little
room only reached by a stair farther west still.
This little “prophet’s chamber” was, however, one
used within my recollection for the keeping of the
feathers of geese and fowls that had been plucked,
where they accumulated till sufficient for the composition
of a feather bed, when they were picked,
cleaned, baked, and made up.
Before this final process I well remember, as a
child of eight or nine, scrambling into this little
chamber, and then rolling and dancing among the
feathers, and making, as I believed, a snowstorm
about me. The after effects were not conducive
to comfort; and I remember that the process of
scrubbing and cleansing me and my clothes after
this snowstorm was both irksome and lengthy.
That experience was never repeated, not only
because of the cleansing process, but also because
I was put across my father’s knee, and the lesson
not to play with feathers and raise snowstorms
was impressed on me with a square ruler, till my
father got hot in the face, and I—hot, elsewhere.
The same little stair that conducted to the feather
room, also gave admission to a low garret above
the back kitchen.
This garret contained all kinds of imaginable and
unimaginable lumber.
My dear father, who was an enthusiast for
novelties, bought every possible invention that conduced
to the saving of time by cooks—patent egg-boilers,
lemon-squeezers, apple-parers, digesting
pots, &c. These the cooks “chucked” up into
the lumber place with mighty disdain, and went
on in their old ways. Moreover, into it went all
the pans that they had left unscoured till rust had
eaten through them, all the kettles that began to
leak, by letting them fall on the stone floor; a
coffee roaster that the then reigning cook refused
to use, because it was less trouble to employ ready-roasted
coffee; a mortar, the bottom of which had
been knocked out, because she would pound almonds
in it on her lap instead of on the table; a tobacco
canister in which bird’s-eye was kept for a lover
when he came on a visit. In fact, this garret was
an emporium of objects illustrative of kitchen
wastefulness, and indicative of my father’s good-nature.
No one ever visited this garret except the cook
when “chucking away” some of “master’s newfangled
nonsense,” or when putting away some
damaged article out of reach of her mistress’s eye,
consequently it was wholly given over to rats, that
raced about in it with a boldness only equalled by
that of cook when she looked straight into my
mother’s eyes and said there never had been, so
long as she had been in the house, one of these
articles my mother missed, as the coffee-roaster, or
the china mortar, or the stewing pan, or the bronchitis
kettle; or when my father sent inquiries about such
articles as the lemon-squeezer, or the apple-parer,
or the cream-whipper.
The rats got their pickings in this garret: they
licked out the dirty frying-pans in which was
grease, they consumed the contents of the pie-dishes
that had been burnt in the oven with crust
adhering to them, and nibbled at the rabbit-skins
that had been put away there to be sold to the
rag-and-bone man when he came round.
I knew of this garret, and loved it, loved it
almost as dearly as did the rats. My mother and
father did not like my visiting it, as I came away
from it very dirty in hands and face, and with
clothing often torn by nails; and cook never would
endure that I should visit it for reasons of her own.
Consequently, visits to it were surreptitious, and
made at rare intervals.
We had, when I was about thirteen, a maid of
the name of Cicely Crowe; she was an excellent
servant, with a passionate love of neatness, did her
work well and conscientiously, but had not the
most amiable disposition or the most gracious
manner. She was not a bad-tempered woman,
never violent, but, just as a diamond is said to be
off colour if the least lacking in absolute clearness,
so may she be said to have been off temper. She
was very kind-hearted, but it seemed to go against
her pride to do a kind thing in a kind way. She
never saw the good in anything, only the faults.
We all liked Cicely, but we all wished she would
try to be more pleasing. However, we have each
our blurs in this world, one in one way, one in
another, and had Cicely’s mood been sunny, and
her manner sparkling, why she would have been
snapped up at once, and half the young men in
the village would have been quarrelling as to who
should have her. It was just this uncertainty in
her temper which deterred them, and kept her in
our service so many years.
She was a very pretty girl, was Cicely, with
brown hair, so neat that never was a hair out of
place, and with large hazel eyes, and such a complexion!—cream
and strawberry were nothing to
it, and the colour palpitated under her transparent
skin like the flush of the evening sun on far-off
delicate clouds.
The lads of the village said to each other, “What
a lass that Cicely is, but—” And our friends
said to my mother, “What a very nice, respectable
servant girl you have in Cicely.” “Oh dear, yes,”
answered my mother, “she is everything that could
be desired, but—” And her fellow-servants all
said, “We have nothing to say against Cicely,
but—” And we children remarked to each other,
“Cicely is tremendously nice, but—” No one
ever got any further than “but—,” for no one
could bring it over the lips to say a word in
depreciation of Cicely.
Now it fell out all on a summer’s day that cook
had gone off for a holiday, and the kitchen-maid
had sickened with measles and been sent home,
and with great trepidation, and with a tremulous
voice, and an appeal in her eyes, my mother had
asked Cicely if she would, under the circumstances,
boil the potatoes and the greens for the early dinner
on that Sunday. There was nothing to roast,
nothing to stew; cook had made cold pies and
shapes, and so on, to last till her return.
Cicely replied ungraciously that everything was
put on her, but she supposed she must do it, and
then turned her back on my mother and went
off to change her gown. As I have said, it was
Sunday. I had a sore throat, and so was not
allowed to go to church, and was bidden remain
at home, not go outside the doors, and keep myself
warm.
Now I had calculated on this, and had borrowed
a rat-trap from the gardener, and when Cicely was
upstairs putting on such garments as she deemed
suitable for peeling potatoes and shelling peas, and
cooking them, I slipped up the stairs into the garret,
hugging the trap, and holding a piece of cheese-rind
I had surreptitiously seized on and had roasted
over my candle. I was resolved on spending the
time whilst my parents were at church in catching
a rat. There was a loose slate in the roof and I
tilted this up, peeped out, and watched my father
and mother, brothers and sisters, and the governess
stalk away from the front door in their Sunday
suits, with prayer-books under their arms, and I
saw my dear mother pick off sundry bits of “fluff,”
ends of thread, &c., which her eye detected on the
children’s clothes.
Then I heard a bustle of feet underneath, and
some tongues, and I knew that the domestics were
also off to church by the back door. Thereupon I
set my trap, and sat down behind a barrel in the
corner waiting to hear the rats come out, and to
watch them snuff at, then bite the bait, and, snap—be
caught.
Whilst I waited, and, waiting, learned my collect
which had been set me as a task, I heard Cicely
come into the back kitchen, and with a sharp motion
pull the pan to her in which were the potatoes she
had to peel.
Almost immediately after I heard the kitchen
door open, and a male voice exclaim, “Well, Cicely,
so here you are?”
“I s’pose I be,” was her answer.
Now the floor of the loft was of boards, and in
these boards were knots, and the centre of some of
these had fallen out. The back kitchen was not
ceiled. One of these peep-holes was close to me,
so very gently I lay down flat on the floor and
applied my eye to the hole, and then saw that a
young man had entered named Will Swan.
I knew him well. He had a boat, and was a
fisherman; an honest, cheerful fellow, with whom
I often went out on the sea. He was uncommonly
civil, and would insist on carrying the fish I caught,
or fancied I had caught, home for me.
Now only did it dawn on my infantile mind that
his carrying the fish was due not so much to a wish
to oblige me, as to have an excuse for coming into
our kitchen to see Cicely Crowe.
“What’s brought you here?” asked Cicely.
“I wanted to see you and have a bit of a talk.”
“I’m busy,” was her curt answer.
“Ciss, I want a good-bye before I go.”
“Well, the door is open—Good-bye.”
He halted at the entrance, hesitated a while, and
then said: “You will be pleased to hear, Ciss, that
the good-bye I asked for is one for ever.”
She dropped the potato she was peeling, but
did not look at him; she took up the potato
again.
“I’m thinking of leaving—going to America.”
She did not answer for a while, but as he waited
for an observation, she said, “Indeed. Hope you’ll
enjoy yourself there.”
“I am not going there to enjoy myself, but because—well,
Ciss—I can’t feel any joy here in the
old country.”
“You seem merry enough.”
“I am not. I’ve always something in me, gnawing
at my heart.”
“Swallowed a crab, I reckon, without having
him b’iled first.”
“It’s not that, Ciss. You know well it is not
that. If one can’t get now what will make a fellow
happy, it’s best to go, sez I.”
“You’ll get lots, lots over there,” said she, and
pointed with the knife towards the sea, America,
the bed of the setting sun.
“I don’t want lots—only one.”
“May you find that one. I hope you will.”
“Do you?” with a flash of happiness.
“Yes—in America.”
He hung his head.
“I suppose,” said Will, “that I shall be forgotten
when I am far away.”
“Those who go far away must reckon on that,”
was her answer. “Psha!” she had cut her
finger. She quickly put a bit of potato rind over
the wound lest Will should observe it. But indeed,
he was looking on the floor and saw
nothing.
“And, Ciss, you have nothing more to say
to me?”
“Of course I have—Good-bye!”
He looked up, took a step nearer to her, gazed
steadily into her face: “Cicely, do you mean it—in
this way to say good-bye to one you have known
all these years? It is not a light matter to cross
the ocean and go to the States. Who can tell what
may happen there? Some find there good luck,
others, wretchedness and ruin. To go there and
do well a chap must take a good heart with him.
I cannot do that. I shall bear but a heartache with
me, and have no hope whatever I do. Come,
Ciss—what do you say?”
“The parson don’t like any one coming in late
for church. You’d best be off—smart.”
He raised himself to his full height. The angry
blood flew to his face and darkened it, fire leaped
from his eyes. I had never seen Will Swan like
that before.
“No—Ciss—no,” he said, and he spoke hoarsely;
“I will not cross the water. No, that would content
you. Who can say—if things went contrary
here—you might be willing to come across to me
there?”
“If——”
“Yes—who can say? But I will go where there
is no passage across. I will break down every
bridge between us. This has been going on too
long—from one year to another—and I can bear
it no further. I will get married to some other
wench, some one who will give a chap a good
word; who, when one leaves only for a day will
say a good-bye, and her eyes will fill with tears.
She may never be to me all that you have been
and are, but she will be to me what it is not in your
nature to be—kind and gracious.”
“Oh, that—that is it!” exclaimed Cicely. I
could see, through my peephole, how flames passed
through her face and then that she became deadly
white. I could see how her bosom heaved, how her
hands trembled as she tried to continue with the
potatoes, but was unable to do anything because of
her wounded finger.
Suddenly she took up the pan, thrust past Will,
and threw the contents into the pig-pail. “You have
made me spoil all,” she said, and burst into tears.
“Crying! What for?”
“That is it. You have already lost your heart
to some other girl, and now you come to say——”
“Yes, that I am going to the parson to have my
banns called.”
“Who is it?” she asked, looking at him, her
weeping arrested, and she as one of stone.
“If I say it shall be you, what will you say?”
She tried to speak, could not, turned, put up her
hand against the wall, brushed it down once, twice,
again, impatiently. She could not bring the word
out that she wished to say.
Will remained waiting. No answer came.
“Ciss,” he said, “it shall not be you. Any other
rather. No—you, never!”
Then he turned and left the back kitchen.
She stood for a moment watching him as he
departed. Then she leaned her face in her wet
hands and burst into convulsive weeping.
Snap. Wee! wee! wee! A rat was caught.
Will Swan did not go to America. What he
did was to find an engagement on a small boat
that went to and from Bristol, bringing groceries,
earthenware, timber, ovens from Bridgewater, and
which conveyed slates from the Cornish quarries
to that great mercantile city which goes on building,
building without ceasing. He was away
sometimes for a week; sometimes for a fortnight;
now and then for over a month. America! He
was not going to expatriate himself for a woman’s
sake, when there was plenty of work to be found
in his native land, or rather, on the seas that
washed it.
The Bristol Channel looks upon the map as though
in it could be only calm water, as in the estuary of
the Thames. It is, however, not so. When the
wind blows from the west, how the great Atlantic
billows roll in, and with what fury do they recoil
and strike the faces of their brother waves also
seeking an entrance! They tread one another down;
they overleap one another; they beat one another
about, and leave a long line of foam down the
centre of the Channel, the dust and wreckage of ten
thousand broken waves.
And then, without. When Hartland Point has
been turned, what a coast! The iron-black frowning
cliffs stand up sheer from deep sea, and seem to
say, “We look on all passers-by as foes; let none
venture to approach us!”
And how the Atlantic billows heave there! It is
no exaggeration to say that they run mountains
high. Woe to the vessel, great or small, that enters
or attempts to cross the great loop between Hartland
and Trevose. It is a mouth to champ up and suck
the life out of every boat that falls into it when the
wind is inland.
Cicely heard that Will Swan had not gone to the
States. She saw him occasionally in church, but
when there he never looked her way. He stood up
straight as a post, sang with lungs like the bellows
of a blacksmith, in his blue jersey, his face brown
as a coffee-berry fresh roasted, but his eye, blue
as the summer sea, flashed and twinkled, but never
on her.
She heard talk of him too. He was much at the
Ship Inn; and Kate Varcoe, the daughter of the
host, was a “likely lass,” cheerful, fresh-faced, with
black dancing eyes. With Kate he chaffed and
made merry. Cicely listened every Sunday to hear
the banns called, but no—called they were not.
Next, some one said that William had a sweetheart
in Bristol.
Oh, in Bristol! Then why should not she show
him that if he could be false she would be so also.
For a while she allowed herself to be walked out by
young Hannaway, a respectable youth, a carpenter
by trade, who made the coffins for all the neighbourhood,
and undertook in black for all the dead
in that and the neighbouring parishes.
When next she encountered Will she was at the
side of Hannaway. He was talking with some
chums, and a burst of laughter from them pealed out
after she had passed. Had he made some remark
relative to her that had caused this merriment?
Her cheeks burned. She was angry. She hated
him. She was dull as a companion, and after three
Sundays, as young Hannaway “got no forrarder”
with her, he gave her up and took to walking with
Kate Varcoe.
On the quay was a long bench, whereon the
sailors and fishermen were wont to sit and yarn.
There Will, when at home, sat and yarned also—now
about ships, then about fish, about tobacco,
and last about girls. He was boastful, and laughed
and said that he had only to hold up his little finger
and whistle, and half-a-dozen would perch on it.
But this was so strange in Will, so different from
his wont, that an old pilot who had known him
from a child and now heard him, shook his head
and said, “He’s not got that Ciss out of his head
yet, I’ll swear.”
Then the news came that Cicely was ill—very ill;
“something on the nerve,” so it was said, and others
opined “her orgings were gone scatt.”
Will Swan asked no questions about her, but
whistled “Black-eyed Susan” with his hands in his
pockets. It was obvious he cared nothing for her.
Then she began to mend. The disease, whatever
it was, went “off the nerve” again, or the “orgings”
got patched up with powders or plaster. Very
white and weak, Cicely sat at her window and
looked out. One day she saw Will Swan coming
along the way. “Is he about to ask after me?”
she thought. No, he went by. He did not turn
in at the familiar—at one time familiar—kitchen
back entrance. He did not even look up at her
window.
Now, at last, Cicely left our service. Her mother
was dead, and some one was needed at home to
keep house for her father. She left us without a
word of regret. Indeed, she did not even say good-bye
to my father and mother. My dear mother, in
her sweet, gentle way, reproached her for it when
they met.
“I thought, ma’am,” said Cicely, “if you’d wanted
to say good-bye, you’d ha’ come to the kitchen to
say it to me. ’Twasn’t for me to intrude.”
“Oh! Cicely, after so many years!”—my mother’s
eyes filled. She really loved that girl, and from the
depth of my heart I believe Cicely loved her, but
she was too perverse to show it.
“Now,” said Cicely to herself, “I’ll have no
more nonsense.” By which she meant that she
would drive all thoughts of Will from her head.
But this is easier said and resolved on than accomplished.
And you, we will say, think that your
thoughts, or fancies, are in your own power, that
you can trifle with them, and, when you like, put
them aside. But when the day comes that you do
wish thus to be rid of them, then you find yourself
entangled, chained in the passion, and you cannot
break from it. So was it with Cicely. She thought
and worked for her old father more zealously and
lustily than she had for us, but only thought the
more continuously on, and suffered the keener for,
young Will Swan.
Summer was over; autumn harvests were gathered
in; Martinmas summer had brooded over the land,
enveloping all in a warm, lovely haze; and then,
suddenly came the change. Without warning an
equinoctial gale burst on the coast, the summer was
over, the brightness past—winter had come with
gloom and sadness.
On the evening after it had been blowing great
guns all day, the door was thrown open, and one of
the coastguard looked in.
“Jan Crowe!” called he to Cicely’s father, who
had charge over the lifeboat, “there’s the Marianne
wrecked.”
“The Marianne!”
Cicely uttered a cry. That was Will Swan’s
vessel, or, rather, the vessel in which Will Swan
was. She ran down to the beach. The sea was
almost indistinguishable from the air, so lashed and
shaken together was wave with wind, so intermingled
were foam and rain. The air was filled
with sound. The sands trembled with the beating
of the surf on them. The whole sky was brown
and blurred with clouds sweeping along from the
west, inland, with screaming sea-birds peppered
against the vapour, and salt tears dripping out of it;
now driving in rushes, then staying and drawing
up as a veil, and allowing the wind full play to riot
and rend between the clouds and the ocean.
All colour was gone out of land and sea and sky—gone
as though melted together into one medley
of dull grey, never to be gathered together into pure
colour again. No outlines were clear. The bold
points of land that ran out into the sea were so
be-hazed with spoondrift and rain that they had
changed their appearance, they had lost their consistency,
they seemed to waver and threaten to
dissolve into the seething flood that beat about
them.
None but an experienced eye could distinguish the
Marianne in the haze and tossing mass of sea.
Men and women, in fluttering garments, were on
the beach, with their hands to their eyes screening
them, gazing seaward.
Cries rose for the boat to be launched. But in
such a sea it was not possible to do anything. The
Marianne was a wreck. No living being was on
her. The captain of the coast-guard put his glass
to his eye and looked steadily at the tossing—now
seen, now obscured—patch that was once the
Marianne. In the gathering darkness little could
be distinguished.
“They’ve left her,” he said. “There’s none
aboard but a dog. Hark! you can hear him bark.”
Those near held their breath.
“I can’t hear nothing,” said a seaman.
“You can if you look through my glass,” said the
captain, “you can then both see and hear the little
dog yapping. He wouldn’t be yapping like that
unless he’d been left behind.”
“But where be they? There was Cap’n Thomas,
and Simon Feathers, and Joe Wilcock, and Bill
Swan.”
“Aye,” said another, “and there’s Tony Graves;
his mother be here in a terrible take-on. ’Tis the
first time the boy has been so far to sea.”
“Where be they?” asked the captain. “I can’t
see anything of a boat. They’ve took to it, sure
as I’m here, and just as certain she’s capsized.”
“Then they’ll be washed ashore, dead or alive,”
said one.
“Of course they will. ’Tain’t no use trying the
lifeboat when you know they’re not in the vessel.
You don’t know where to look for ’em.”
So the shore was searched, and, first one, then
another was recovered; the boy Tony first, alive
and not much the worse; then Joe Wilcock dead,
or so near death that there seemed no chance
of recovering him. With the barbarous ignorance
then common, he was thrown across a barrel to let
the water run out of his lungs. He struggled,
gasped, and was still.
Captain Thomas, a large stout man, holding to
an oar, forged his way ashore, but he was much
bruised and cut by having been beaten against sharp
slate rocks like razors. He could not speak, but
his eyes were lively, black eyes under white bushy
brows. After a quarter of an hour he gasped out,
“Where’s Tony? I stood my life to his mother I’d
bring him safe home.”
“Safe he is,” said some one near.
“Then that’s right,” said the captain. “Where’s
the rest?”
They could tell him only of Joe Wilcock. Feathers
and Swan had not been washed ashore.
By this time it was night. Lanterns were flashing
along the beach. Then up from the water came
some one; it was Cicely, drenched to the skin, her
hair streaming, but wet as seaweed. She was
dragging in her arms a dark mass.
Some ran to her with lights. What she was
heaving was Will Swan, conscious, for he looked
at her, but speechlessly. The moment others drew
nigh the girl released her load and disappeared.
The night became clearer. The wind shifted to
the north, the clouds parted. Stars appeared in
the patches of dark sky. The rain ceased, but the
sea still thundered and gleamed white.
A knock at the cottage door of the old fellow who
had charge of the lifeboat. He was out still, but
Cicely opened and saw Will Swan before her with
both hands extended.
She drew her hand back and looked coldly at him.
He was staggered, and said: “Well, Ciss!”
“Well,” she said, “what do you want here?”
Will stepped forward, and tried to put his arm
round her to take a kiss. She thrust him from her
impatiently.
For a moment he stood motionless, then he burst
forth: “It was you—you who snatched me out of
the water.”
“You are mistaken, it was Jacob Finch. I stood
by. I would have done that for any one.”
Will became white as chalk; then almost in fury,
as if he would have torn her, he cried: “Ciss! you
be cruel to me and to yourself. I don’t care, say
yes or no, fight or bite if you will, mine you shall
be, or I will carry you in these arms and throw you
and myself together over the cliff into the sea.”
He seized her in his strong arms, clasped her to
his heart, and covered her face with kisses.
So, in a paroxysm of fury, was this courtship done.
And Cicely melted like wax against glowing iron.
But only for a moment, and then said: “Well, if
it must be, it must.”
Fifty years have passed since that day.
There is now an old seaman sits smoking his
pipe on the bench, looking seaward, and he yarns
with his mates, and is looked up to and listened
to by the younger men. He has got strapping
sons of his own. They are seamen as was their
father. He has a daughter married, and the old
chap is fond of taking one of his grandchildren out
with him, to walk on the quay and sit on the old
bench beside him or else on his knee.
That old man is Will Swan.
The Crowe, by holy matrimony, had become a
Swan.
The pretty Cicely I remembered so long ago was
now dead; and old Bill wore a black band round
his blue jersey arm.
A day or two ago I was sitting by him on the
bench.
He was silent for a long time, smoking and
blowing clouds.
Presently he turned his face to me. I saw there
was trouble in it.
“You knew my wife, sir?” he said.
“Indeed I did, since I was a little child.”
“I know you did.”
Then again silence.
Presently again his face turned, and he drew his
pipe from his mouth and rested it on his knee.
“You’re a minister now, sir?”
“Yes; I am a parson.”
“Then p’r’aps you can tell me something.”
“I will tell you what I can.”
“You see, sir, Ciss was that won’erful sort of
a woman. Though us was married for fifty years
her never once in all that time would say as her
loved me.”
Again a long pause; another smoke. Then a
turn to me: “You are a parson?”
“Yes. What do you want?”
“Well, you can tell me. When I get into life
everlasting, do you think Ciss will meet me at the
gates o’ Paradise and say: ‘What are you doin’
here now? Don’t you go bothering of me, I don’t
want you’?”
“All that is left behind,” said I, “all, all in the
soil and dross of the grave. Above, the bright
happy smile will break out, and the welcome, and
the hands will be stretched out——”
“Thank you,” he said slowly. Great tears were
in his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. “I hopes
the same, but I doubts it. There must be a terrible,
mirac’lous change for that to come about. But
things may happen past ’uman understanding, and
even onions turn to apples, and jerseys to pea-jackets.
No offence, sir,” and he touched his
forehead.