But life goes on without the smallest regard for individual
preoccupations. You may take up what attitude you like towards it or,
with the majority, you may take up no attitude towards it but immerse
yourself in the stupendous importance of your own affairs and disclaim
any connection with life. It doesn't matter tuppence to life. The
ostrich, on much the same principle, buries its head in the sand; and
just as forces outside the sand ultimately get the ostrich, so life, all
the time, is massively getting you.
You have to go along with it.
And in October of the following year, October, 1913, life was going
along at a most delirious and thrilling and entirely fascinating speed.
There never was such a delicious and exciting and progressive year as
between October, 1912, and October, 1913.
And it certainly took not the remotest notice of Sabre.
In February, Lord Roberts, at Bristol, opened a provincial campaign for
National Service. The best people—that is to say those who did not
openly laugh at it or, being scaremongers, rabidly approve
it—considered it a great shame and a great pity that the poor old man
should thus victimise those closing years of his life which should have
been spent in that honourable retirement which is the right place for
fussy old people of both sexes and all walks of life.
Sabre, reading the reports of the campaign—two or three lines—could
not but reflect how events were falsifying, and continued to falsify the
predictions of the intense Otway in this regard. Deliciously pleasant
relations with Germany were variously evidenced throughout 1913. The
King and Queen attended in Berlin the wedding of the Kaiser's daughter,
and the popular Press, in picture and paragraph, told the genial British
public what a thoroughly delightful girl the Kaiser's daughter was. The
Kaiser let off loud "Hochs!" of friendly pride, and the Press of the
world responded with warm "Hochs" of admiration and tribute; and the
Kaiser, glowing with generous warmth, celebrated the occasion by
releasing and handsomely pardoning three of those very British "spies"
to whose incarceration in German fortresses (Sabre recalled) the intense
Otway had attached such deep significance. This was a signal for more
mutual "Hochs." Later the Prince of Wales visited Germany and made there
an extended stay of nine weeks; and in June the twenty-fifth anniversary
of the Emperor William's accession was "Hoch'd" throughout the German
Empire and admiringly "Hoch'd" back again from all quarters of the
civilised globe.
It was all splendid and gratifying and deeply comforting. So many
"Hochs!" and such fervent and sincere "Hochs!" never boomed across the
seas of the world, and particularly the North Sea or (nice and friendly
to think) German Ocean, in any year as in the year 1913.
Not that relations with Germany counted for anything in the whirl of
intensely agreeable sensations of these excellent days. Their entirely
pleasing trend prevented the scaremongers from interfering with full
enjoyment of the intensely agreeable sensations; otherwise they were,
by comparison with more serious excitements, completely negligible. The
excitements were endless and of every nature. At one moment the British
Public was stirred to its depths in depths not often touched (in 1913)
by reading of Scott's glorious death in the Antarctic; at another it was
unspeakably moved by the disqualification of the Derby winner for
bumping and boring. In one week it was being thrilled with sympathy by
the superb heroism and the appalling death-roll, four hundred
twenty-nine, in the Welsh colliery disaster at Senghenydd; in another
thrilled with horror and indignation at the baseness of a sympathetic
strike. In one month was immense excitement because the strike of eleven
thousand insufferable London taxi-drivers drove everybody into the
splendid busses; and in another month immense excitement because the
strike of all the insufferable London bus-drivers drove everybody into
the splendid taxis. M. Pegond accomplished the astounding feat of flying
upside down at Juvisy without being killed and then came and flew upside
down without being killed at Brooklands. One man flew over the Simplon
Pass and another over the Alps. Colonel Cody flew to his death in one
waterplane, and Mr. Hawker made a superb failure to fly around Great
Britain in another waterplane. The suffragists threw noisome and
inflammable matter into the letter boxes, bombs into Mr. Lloyd George's
house at Walton and into other almost equally sacred shrines of the
great, stones into windows, axes into pictures, chained their misguided
bodies to railings and gates, jammed their miserable bodies into
prisons, hunger-struck their abominable bodies out again, and hurled
their outrageous bodies in front of the sacred race for the Derby at
Epsom, and the only less sacred race for the Gold Cup at Ascot.
It was terrific!
At one moment the loyal public were thrilled by the magnificent
enrolment of the Ulster Volunteers, and at another moment outraged by
the seditious and mutinous enrolment of the Nationalist Volunteers; in
one month the devoted Commons read a third time the Home Rule Bill, the
Welsh Church Disestablishment Bill and the Plural Voting Bill, and in
the very same month the stiff-necked and abominable Lords for the third
time threw out the Home Rule Bill, the Welsh Church Disestablishment
Bill and the Plural Voting Bill. It was terrific. The newspapers could
scarcely print it—or anything—terrifically enough. Adjectives and
epithets became exhausted with overwork and burst. The word crisis lost
all meaning. There was such a welter of crises that the explosions of
those that came to a head were unnoticed and pushed away into the
obscurest corners of the newspapers, before the alarming swelling of
those freshly rushing to a head. It was magnificent. It was a
deliciously thrilling and emotional year. A terrific and stupendous
year. Many well-known people died.
It was naturally a year of strong partisanship. A year of violent
feelings violently expressed; and amidst them, and because of them,
Sabre found with new certainty that he had no violent feelings.
Increasingly he came to know that he had well expressed his
constitutional habit, the outstanding trait in his character, when, on
the day of that talk in the office with Nona, he had spoken of his
disastrous inability—disastrous from the point of view of being
satisfactory to single-minded persons, or of pulling out that big
booming stuff called success—to see a thing, whatever it might be, from
a single point of view and go all out for it from that point of view.
"Convictions," he had said, and often in the welter of antagonistic
convictions of 1913 thought again, "Convictions. If you're going to pull
out this big booming stuff they call success, if you're going to be
satisfactory to anybody or to anything, you must shut down on
everybody's point of view but your own. You must have convictions. And
narrower than that—not only convictions but conviction. Conviction that
your side is the right side and that the other side is wrong, wrong to
hell."
And he had no such convictions. Above all, and most emphatically, he had
never the conviction that his side, whichever side it might be in any of
the issues daily tabled for men's discussion, was the right side and the
other side the wrong and wicked and disastrous side.
He used to think, "I can't stand shouting and I can't stand smashing.
And that's all there is. These newspapers and these arguments you
hear—it's all shouting and smashing. It's never thinking and building.
It's all destructive; never constructive. All blind hatred of the other
views, never fair examination of them. You get some of these Unionists
together, my class, my friends. They say absolutely nothing else but
damning and blasting and foaming at Lloyd George and Asquith and the
trade-unionists. Absolutely nothing else at all. And you get some of
these other chaps together, or their newspapers, and it's exactly the
same thing the other way about. And yet we're all in the same boat.
There's only one life—only one living—and we're all in it. Come
into it the same way and go out of it the same way; and all up against
the same real facts as we are against the same weather. That fire the
other night in High Street. All sorts of people, every sort of person,
lent a hand in putting it out. And that frightful railway disaster at
Aisgill; all sorts of people worked together in rescuing. No one stopped
to ask whether the passengers were first class or third. Well, that's
the sort of thing that gets me. Fire and disaster—those are facts and
everybody gets to and deals with them. And if there was a big war
everybody would get to and fight it. And yet all these political and
social things are just as much facts that affect everybody, and all
anybody can do is to shout and smash up the other man's rights in them.
They all do it—in everything. Religion's as bad as any—worse. Here's
one of these bishops saying he can't countenance Churchmen preaching in
chapels or dissenters being invited to preach in churches because the
Church must stand by the rock principles of its creed, and to preach in
a chapel would mean politely not touching on those principles. You'd
think heaven didn't come into the business at all. And you'd think that
life doesn't come into the business of living at all. All smashing....
Well, I can't stick shouting and I can't stick smashing."
Something of these views he one day expressed to Pike, the Editor of the
Tidborough County Times. He was taken into the County Times office
by business connected with an error in the firm's standing account for
advertisement notices and, encountering Pike outside his room, entered
with him and talked.
Pike was a man of nearly sixty with furiously black and luxuriant hair.
He had been every sort of journalist in America and in London, and some
years previously had been brought into the editorship of the County
Times. The Press, broad-based on the liberty of the English people and
superbly impervious to whatever temptation to jump in the direction the
cat jumps, is, on the other hand, singularly sensitive to apparently
inconsequent trifles in the lives of its proprietary. Pike, with his
reputation, was brought into the editorship of the County Times solely
because the proprietor late in life suddenly married. The wife of the
proprietor desiring to share a knighthood with her husband, the
proprietor, anxious to please but unwilling to pay, incontinently sacked
the tame editor who was beguiling an amiable dotage with the County
Times and looked about for a wild editor, whom unquestionably he found
in Mr. Pike.
The breath of the County Times became as the breath of life to the
Tory tradition and burst from its columns as the breath of a fiery
furnace upon all that was opposed to the Tory tradition. The proprietor
felt that his knighthood was assured as soon as the tide of liberalism
turned; and the County Times, which could not notice even a Baptist
harvest festival without snorting fire and brimstone upon it, said that
the tide of radicalism—it did not print the words Liberal or
Liberalism—was turning every day. About once a week the County Times
said that the tide of radicalism "definitely turned last night."
Pike was a man of extraordinarily violent language. Consequent, no
doubt, on the restraint of having to write always in printable language,
his vocal discussion of the subjects on which he wrote was mainly in
unprintable. He spoke of trade-unionists always as "those swine and
dogs" and of the members of the Government as "those dogs and
swine",—swine and dogs being refined and temperate euphuisms for the
epithets Mr. Pike actually employed.
However he heard Sabre's stumbling periods tolerantly out and tolerantly
dealt with him.
"Excuse me, Sabre, but that sort of stuff's absolutely fatal—fatal.
It's simply compromise. Compromise. The most fatal defect in the English
character."
Sabre happened to be stout enough on this particular point. "That's
just what it isn't. Precisely what it isn't. I loathe compromise. More
than anything. Compromise is accepting a little of what you know to be
wrong in order to get a little of what you imagine to be right."
Pike made a swift note in shorthand on his blotting pad. "Exactly.
Well?"
"Well, that's just the opposite to what I mean. I mean accepting,
admitting, what you know to be right."
Pike smote his hand upon the blotting pad. "But, damn it, those dogs and
swine never are right."
"There you are!" said Sabre.
And there they were, shouting, smashing; and Sabre could not do either
and retired dismayed from the arenas of both.
It much affected his relations with those nearest to him,—with Mabel,
with Mr. Fortune, and with Twyning. In those months, and in the months
following, the year changing and advancing in equal excitements and
strong opinions through winter into spring, he found himself
increasingly out of favour at The Precincts and increasingly estranged
in his home. And it was his own fault. Detached and reflective in the
fond detachment of the daily bicycle ride, awake at night mentally
pacing about the assembled parts of his puzzles, he told himself with
complete impartiality that the cause of these effects was entirely of
his own making. "I can't stick shouting and smashing"—"I can't help
seeing the bits of right in the other point of view": those were the
causes. He was so difficult to get on with: that was the effect of the
complaint.
"Really, Sabre, I find it most difficult to get on with you nowadays,"
Mr. Fortune used to say. "We seem never to agree. We are perpetually at
loggerheads. Loggerheads. I do most strongly resent being perpetually
bumped and bruised by unwilling participation in a grinding congestion
of loggerheads."
And Twyning, "Well, I simply can't hit it off with you. That's all there
is to it. I try to be friendly; but if you can't hear Lloyd George's
name without taking up that kind of attitude, well, all I can say is
you're trying to put up social barriers in a place where there's no room
for social barriers, and that's in business."
And Mabel: "Well, if you want to know what I think, I think you're
getting simply impossible to get on with. You simply never think the
same as other people think. I should have thought it was only common
decency at a time like this to stand up for your own class; but, no.
It's always your own class that's in the wrong and the common people who
are in the right."
"Always." He began to hate the word "always." But it was true. In those
exciting and intensely opinionated days it seemed there was never a
subject that came up, whether at The Precincts or at home, but he found
himself on the other side of the argument and giving intense displeasure
because he was on the other side. In Mabel's case—he did not
particularly trouble himself about what Twyning and Fortune thought—but
in Mabel's case, much set on his duty to give her happiness, he came to
prepare with care for the dangerous places of their intercourse. But
never with success. Places whose aggravations drove her to her angriest
protestations of how utterly impossible he was to get on with never
looked dangerous as they were approached: he would ride in to them with
her amicably or with a slack rein,—and suddenly, mysteriously,
unexpectedly, he would be floundering, the relations between them yet a
little more deeply foundered.
Such utterly harmless looking places:
"And those are the people, mind you," said Mabel—not for the first time
"those are the people that we have to lick stamps for Lloyd George for!"
This was because High Jinks had been seen going out for her afternoon
with what Mabel described to Sabre as a trumpery, gee-gaw parasol.
The expression amused him. "Well, why in heaven's name shouldn't High
Jinks buy a trumpery, gee-gaw parasol?"
"I do wish you wouldn't call her High Jinks. Because she can't afford a
trumpery, gee-gaw parasol."
He spoke bemusedly. No need for caution that he could see. "Well, I
don't know—I rather like to see them going out in a bit of finery."
Mabel sniffed. "Well, your taste! Servants look really nice in their
caps and aprons and their black, if they only knew it. In their bit of
finery, as you call it, they look too awful for words."
Signs of flying up. He roused himself to avert it. "Oh, rather. I agree.
What I meant was I think it's rather nice to see them decking themselves
out when they get away from their work. Rather pathetic."
"Pathetic!"
She had flown up!
He said quickly, "No, but look here, Mabel, wait a bit. I ought to have
explained. What I mean is they have a pretty rotten time, all that
class. When High Jinks puts up a trumpery, gee-gaw parasol, she's human.
That's pathetic, only being human once a week and alternate Sundays. And
when you get a life that finds pleasure in a trumpery, gee-gaw parasol,
well that's more pathetic still. See?"
Real anxiety in his "See?" But the thing was done. "No. I absolutely
don't. Pathetic! You really are quite impossible to get on with. I've
given up even trying to understand your ideas. Pathetic!" She gave her
sudden laugh.
"Oh, well," said Sabre.
Deeper foundered!
And precisely the same word—pathetic—came up between them in the
matter of Miss Bypass. Miss Bypass was companion to Mrs. Boom Bagshaw,
the mother of Mr. Boom Bagshaw. Mabel hated Miss Bypass because Miss
Bypass was, she said, the rudest creature she ever met. And "of course"
Sabre took the opposite view—the ridiculous and maddening view—that
her abominably rude manner was not rude but pathetic.
The occasion was an afternoon call paid at the vicarage. Of all houses
in the Garden Home Sabre most dreaded and feared the vicarage. He paid
this call, with shuddering, in pursuance of his endeavour to do with
Mabel things that gave her pleasure. (And in the most uncongenial of
them, as this call at the vicarage, he used to think,
characteristically, "After all, I haven't got the decency to do what
she's specially asked—give up the bike ride.")
The Vicarage drawing-room was huge, handsomely furnished, much adorned
with signed portraits of royal and otherwise celebrated persons, and
densely crowded with devoted parishioners. Among them the Reverend Boom
Bagshaw moved sulkily to and fro; amidst them, on a species of raised
throne, Mrs. Boom Bagshaw gave impressive audience. The mother of the
Reverend Boom Bagshaw was a massive and formidable woman who seemed to
be swaddled in several hundred garments of heavy crêpe and stiff satin.
She bore a distinct resemblance to Queen Victoria; but there was stuff
in her and upon her to make several Queen Victorias. About the room, but
chiefly, as Sabre thought, under his feet, fussed her six very small
dogs. There were called Fee, Fo and Fum, which were brown toy Poms; and
Tee, To, Tum, which were black toy Poms, and the six were the especial
care and duty of Miss Bypass. Every day Miss Bypass, who was tall and
pale and ugly, was to be seen striding about Penny Green and the Garden
Home in process of exercising the dogs; the dogs, for their part,
shrilling their importance and decorating the pavements in accordance
with the engaging habits of their lovable characteristics. In the
drawing-room Miss Bypass occupied herself in stooping about after the
six, extracting bread and butter from their mouths—they were not
allowed to eat bread and butter—and raising them for the adoring
inspection of visitors unable at the moment either to adore Mr. Boom
Bagshaw or to prostrate themselves before the throne of Queen Victoria
Boom Bagshaw.
Few spoke to Miss Bypass. Those who did were answered in the curiously
defiant manner which was her habit and which was called by Mabel
abominably rude, and by Sabre pathetic. As he and Mabel were taking
their leave, he had Miss Bypass in momentary conversation, Mabel
standing by.
"Hullo, Miss Bypass. Haven't managed to see you in all this crowd.
How're things with you?"
"I'm perfectly well, thank you."
"Been reading anything lately? I saw you coming out of the library the
other day with a stack of books."
Miss Bypass gave the impression of bracing herself, as though against
suspected attack. "Yes, and they were for my own reading, thank you. I
suppose you thought they were for Mrs. Boom Bagshaw."
Certainly her manner was extraordinarily hostile. Sabre took no notice.
"No, I bet they were your own. You're a great reader, I know."
Her tone was almost bitter. "I suppose you think I read nothing but
Dickens and that sort of thing."
"Well, you might do a good deal worse, you know. There's no one like
Dickens, taking everything together."
She flushed. You could almost see she was going to say something rude.
"That's a very kind thing to say to uneducated people, Mr. Sabre. It
makes them think it isn't education that prevents them enjoying more
advanced writers. But I don't suffer from that, as it so happens. I
daresay some of my reading would be pretty hard even for you."
Sabre felt Mabel pluck at his sleeve. He glanced at her. Her face was
very angry. Miss Bypass, delivered of her sharp words, was deeper
flushed, her head drawn back. He smiled at her. "Why, I'm sure it would,
Miss Bypass. I tell you what, we must have a talk about reading one day,
shall we? I think it would be rather jolly to exchange ideas."
An extraordinary and rather alarming change came over Miss Bypass's hard
face. Sabre thought she was going to cry. She said in a thick voice,
"Oh, I don't really read anything particularly good. It's only—Mr.
Sabre, thank you." She turned abruptly away.
When they were outside, Mabel said, "How extraordinary you are!"
"Eh? What about?"
"Making up to that girl like that! I never heard such rudeness as the
way she spoke to you." Sabre said, "Oh, I don't know."
"Don't know! When you spoke to her so politely and the way she answered
you! And then you reply quite pleasantly—"
He laughed. "You didn't expect me to give her a hard punch in the eye,
did you?"
"No, of course I didn't expect you to give her a hard punch in the eye.
But I should have thought you'd have had more sense of your own dignity
than to take no notice and invite her to have a talk one day."
He thought, "Here we are again!" He said, "Well, but look, Mabel. I
don't think she means it for rudeness. She is rude of course, beastly
rude; but, you know, that manner of hers always makes me feel
frightfully sorry for her."
"Sorry!"
"Yes, haven't you noticed many people like her with that defiant sort of
way of speaking—people not very well educated, or very badly off, or in
rather a dependent position, and most frightfully conscious of it. They
think every one is looking down on them, or patronising them, and the
result is they're on the defensive all the time. Well, that's awfully
pathetic, you know, all your life being on the defensive; back against
the wall; can't get away; always making feeble little rushes at the mob.
By Jove, that's pathetic, Mabel."
She said, "I'm not listening, you know."
He was startled. "Eh?"
"I say I'm not listening. I always know that whenever I say anything
about any one I dislike, you immediately start making excuses for them,
so I simply don't listen."
He mastered a sudden feeling within him. "Well, it wasn't very
interesting," he said.
"No, it certainly wasn't. Pathetic!" She gave her sudden burst of
laughter. "You think such extraordinary things pathetic; I wonder you
don't start an orphanage!"
He halted and faced her. "Look here, I think I'll leave you here. I
think I'll go for a bit of a walk."
Pretty hard, sometimes, not to—
At The Precincts the increasing habit of seeing the other side of things
was confined, in its increasing exemplifications of how impossible he
was to get on with, to the furiously exciting incidents of public
affairs; but the result was the same; the result was that, just as, on
opening his door on return home at night, he had that chill and rather
eerie feeling of stepping into an empty house, so, on entering the
office of a morning, he came to have again that sensation that it was a
deserted habitation into which he was stepping; no welcome here; no
welcome there. He began to look forward with a new desire for the escape
and detachment of the bicycle ride; he began to approach its termination
at either end with a sense of apprehension, gradually of dismay.
They were as unexpected, the conflicts of opinion, in the office as they
were at home. The subject would come up, he would enter it according to
his ideas and without foreseeing trouble, and suddenly he would find
himself in acute opposition and giving acute offence because he was in
acute opposition.
The Suffragettes! The day when Mr. Fortune received through the post
letters upon which militancy had squirted its oppression and its
determination in black and viscid form through the aperture of the
letter box. "And you're sticking up for them!" declared Mr. Fortune in a
very great passion. "You're deliberately sticking up for them.
You—pah!—pouff!—paff! I have got the abominable stuff all over my
fingers."
Sabre displayed the "wrinkled-up nut" of his Puzzlehead boyhood. "I'm
not sticking up for them. I detest their methods as much as you do. I
think they're monstrous and indefensible. All I said was that, things
being as they are, you can't help seeing that their horrible ways are
bringing the vote a jolly sight nearer than it's ever been before.
Millions of people who never would have thought about woman suffrage are
thinking about it now. These women are advertising it as it never could
be advertised by calmly talking about it, and you can't get anything
nowadays except by shouting and smashing and abusing and advertising. I
only wish you could. No one listens to reason. It's got to be what they
call a whirlwind campaign or go without. That's not sticking up for
them. It's simply recognising a rotten state of affairs."
"And I say to you," returned Mr. Fortune, scrubbing furiously at his
fingers with a duster, "and I say to you what I seem to be perpetually
forced to say to you, that your ideas are becoming more and more
repugnant to me. There's not a solitary subject comes up between us
but you adopt in it what I desire to call a stubborn and contumacious
attitude towards me. Whoof!" He blew a cyclonic blast down the speaking
tube. "Send Parker up here. Parker! Send Parker up here! Parker!
Parker! Parker! Pah! Pouff! Paff! Now it's all over the speaking tube!
I am by no means recovered yet, Sabre, I am very far from being yet
recovered, from your remarks yesterday on the Welsh Church
Disestablishment Bill. Let me remind you again that your attitude was
not only very painful to me in my capacity of one in Holy Orders, it was
also outrageously opposed to the traditions and standing of this firm.
We are out of sympathy, Sabre. We are seriously out of sympathy; and let
me tell you that you would do well to reflect whether we are not
dangerously out of sympathy. Let me—"
The door porter entered in the venerable presence of the summoned
Parker, much agitated.
Sabre began, "If you can't see what I said about the Disestablishment
Bill—"
"I did not see; I do not see; I cannot see and I shall not see. I—"
Sabre moved towards his door. "Well, I'd better be attending to my work.
If anything I've said annoyed you, it certainly was not intended to."
And there followed him into his room, "Pumice stone! Pumice stone!
Pumice stone! Go to the chemist's and get some pumice stone.... Very
well then, sir, don't stand there staring at me, sir!"
Like living in two empty houses: empty this end; empty that end. More
frequently, for these estrangements, appealed to him the places of his
refuge: the room of his mind, that private chamber wherein, retired, he
assembled the parts of his puzzles; that familiar garment in which,
invested, he sat among the fraternity of his thoughts; the evenings with
Young Perch and old Mrs. Perch; the evenings with Mr. Fargus.
Most strongly of all called another refuge; and this, because it called
so strongly, he kept locked. Nona.
They met no more frequently than, prior to her two years' absence, they
had been wont to meet in the ordinary course of neighbourly life; and
their lives, by their situations, were much detached. Northrepps was
only visited, never resided at for many months together.
His resolution was not to force encounters. Once, very shortly after
that day of her disclosure, he had said to her, "Look here, we're not
going to have any arranged meetings, Nona. I'm not strong enough—not
strong enough to resist. I couldn't bear it."
She answered, "You're too strong, Marko. You're too strong to do what
you think you ought not to do; it isn't not being strong enough."
He told her she was very wrong. "That's giving me strength of character.
I haven't any strength of character at all. That's been my failing all
my life. I tell you what I've got instead. I've got the most
frightfully, the most infernally vivid sense of what's right in my own
personal conduct. Lots of people haven't. I envy them. They can do what
they like. But I know what I ought to do. I know it so absolutely that
there's no excuse for me when I don't do it, certainly no credit if I
do. I go in with my eyes open or I stay out merely because my eyes are
open. There's nothing in that. If it's anything it's contemptible."
She said, "Teach me to be contemptible."
In those words he had expressed his composition. What he had not
revealed—that very vividness of sense of what was right (and what was
wrong) in his conduct forbidding it—was the corroding struggle to
preserve the path of his duty. Because of that struggle he kept locked
the refuge that Nona was to him in his dismays. He would have no
meetings with her save only such as thrice happy chance and most kind
circumstance might apportion. That was within the capacity of his
strength. He could "at least" (he used to think) prevent his limbs from
taking him to her. But his mind—his mind turned to her; automatically,
when he was off his guard, as a swing door ever to its frame;
frantically, when he would abate it, as a prisoned animal against its
bars. By day, by night, in Fortune's company, in Mabel's company, in
solitude, his mind turned to her. This was the refuge he kept locked,
using the expression and envisaging it.
He used to think, "Of course I fail. Of course she's always in my mind.
But while I make the effort to prevent it, while I do sometimes manage
to wrench my mind away, I'm keeping fit; I'm able to go on putting up
some sort of a fight. I'm able to help her."
To help her! But helping her, unfolding before her in his own measured
words, as one pronouncing sentence, rectitude's austere asylum for
their pains, watching her while she listened, hearing her gentle
acquiescence,—these were most terrible to his governance upon himself.
He said one day, "You see, there's this, Nona. Life's got one. We're in
the thing. All the time you've got to go on. You can't go back one
single second. What you've done, you've done. It may take only a minute
in the doing, or in the saying, but it's done, or said, for all your
life, perhaps for the whole of some one else's life as well. That's
terrific, Nona.
"Nona, that's how life gets us; there's just one way we can get life and
that's by thinking forward before we do a thing. By remembering that
it's going to be there for always. What's in our hearts for one another,
Nona, is no hurt to to-morrow or to next year or to twenty years hence,
either to our own lives or to any one else's—no hurt while it's only
there and not expressed, or acted on. I've never told you what's in my
heart for you, nor you told me what's in your heart for me. It must
remain like that. Once that goes, everything goes. It's only a question
of time after that. And after that, again, only a question of time
before one of us looks back and wishes for the years over again."
She made the smallest motion of dissent.
He said, "Yes. There's right and wrong, Nona. Nothing else in between.
No compromise. No way of getting round them or over them. You must be
either one thing or the other. Once we took a step towards wrong, there
it is for ever, and all its horrible things with it—deceit,
concealment, falsehood, subterfuge, pretence: vile and beastly things
like that. I couldn't endure them; and I much less could endure thinking
I had caused you to suffer them. And then on through that mire to
dishonour.—It's easy, it sounds rather fine, to say the world well lost
for love; but honour, honour's not well lost for anything. You can't
replace it. I couldn't—"
The austere asylum of their pains. He looked back upon it as he had
unfolded it. He looked forward across it as, most stern and bleak, it
awaited them. He cried with a sudden loudness, as though he protested,
not before her, but before arbitrament in the high court of destiny,
"But I cannot help you upward; I can only lead you downward."
She said, "Upward, Marko. You help me upward."
Her gentle acquiescence!
There swept upon him, as one reckless in sudden surge of intoxication,
most passionate desire to take her in his arms; and on her lips to crush
to fragments the barriers of conduct he had in damnable sophistries
erected; and in her ears to breathe, "You are beloved to me! Honour,
honesty, virtue, rectitude—words, darling, words, words, words!
Beloved, let the foundations of the world go spinning, so we have love."
He called most terribly upon himself, and his self answered him; but
shaken by that most fierce onset he said thickly, "I'll have this. If
ever it grows too hard for you, tell me—tell me."
It must be kept locked. In grievous doubt of his own strength, in
loneliness more lonely for his doubt, more deeply, as advancing summer
lengthened out his waking solitude, he explored among his inmost
thoughts; more eagerly, in relief from their perplexities, turned to the
companionship of Fargus and the Perches. How very, very glad they
always were to see him! It was the strong happiness they manifested in
greeting him that most deeply gave the pleasure he had in their company.
He often pondered the fact. It was, in their manifestation of it, as
though he brought them something,—something very pleasurable to them
and that they much wanted. Certainly he, for his own part, received such
from them: a sense of warmth, a kindling of the spirit, a glowing of all
his affections and perceptions.
His mind would explore curiously along this train of thought. He came to
determine that infinitely the most beautiful thing in life was a face
lighting up with the pleasure of friendship: in its apotheosis
irradiating with the wonder of love. That frequent idea of his of the
"wanting something" look in the faces of half the people one saw: he
thought that the greeting of some one loved might well be a touching of
the quality that was to seek. The weariest and the most wistful faces
were sheerly transfigured by it. But he felt it was not entirely the
secret. The greeting passed; the light faded; the wanting returned. But
he determined the key to the solution lay within that ambit. The
happiness was there. It was here in life, found, realised in loving
meeting, as warmth is found on stepping from shadow into the sun. The
thing lacking was something that would fix it, render it permanent,
establish it in the being as the heart is rooted in the
body.—Something? What?
He thought, "Well, why is it that children's faces are always happy?
There's something they must lose as they grow out of childhood. It's not
that cares and troubles come; the absurd troubles of childhood are just
as terrific troubles to them as grown-ups' cares are to grown-ups. No,
it is that something is lost. Well, what had I as a child that I have
not as a man? Would it be hope? Would it be faith? Would it be belief?"
He thought, "I wonder if they're all the same, those three—belief,
faith, hope? Belief in hope. Faith in hope. It may be. Is it that a
child knows no limitation to hope? It can hope impossible things. But a
man hopes no further than he can see—I wonder—"
And suddenly, in one week, life from its armoury discharged two events
upon him. In the next week one upon the world.
Towards the end of July there was some particularly splendid excitement
for the newspaper-reading public. Ireland provided it; and the
newspapers, as the events enlarged one upon the other, could scarcely
find type big enough to keep pace with them. On the twenty-first, the
King caused a conference of British and Irish leaders to assemble at
Buckingham Palace. On the twenty-fourth, the British and Irish leaders
departed from Buckingham Palace in patriotic halos of national champions
who had failed to agree "in principle or detail." Deadlock and Crisis
flew about the streets in stupendous type; and though they had been
doing so almost daily for the past eighteen months, everybody could see,
with the most delicious thrills, that these were more firmly locked
deadlocks and more critical crises than had ever before come whooping
out of the inexhaustible store where they were kept for the public
entertainment. Austria, and then Germany, made a not bad attempt on
public attention by raking up some forgotten sensation over a stale
excitement at a place called Sarajevo; but on the twenty-sixth, Ireland
magnificently filled the bill again by the far more serious affair of
Nationalist Volunteers landing three thousand rifles and marching with
them into Dublin. Troops fired on the mob, and the House of Commons gave
itself over to a most exciting debate on the business; the Irish Party
demanded a large number of brutal heads to be delivered on chargers; and
Unionist politicians, Press, and public declared that the heads were
not brutal heads but loyal and devoted heads and should not be
delivered; on the contrary they should be wreathed. It was delicious.
It was delicious and it was, moreover, reassuring. In these same days
between the summoning of the Buckingham Palace Conference and the
landing of the Nationalist guns, Continental events arising out of the
stale Sarajevo affair reared their heads and looked towards Great
Britain in a presumptuous and sinister way to which the British public
was not accustomed, and which it resented. The British public had never
taken any interest in international affairs and it did not wish to take
any interest in international affairs. It certainly did not wish to be
disturbed by them, and at this moment of the exciting Irish deadlock the
Wilhelmstrasse, the Ball Platz, the Quai d'Orsay and similar stupid,
meaningless and unpronounceable places intruded themselves disturbingly
in British homes, much as the writing on the wall vexatiously disturbed
Belshazzar's feast, and were similarly resented. Belshazzar probably
ordered in a fresh troupe of dancers to remove the chilly effect of the
stupid, meaningless and unpronounceable writing, and in the same way the
British public turned with relief and with thrills to the gun-running
and the shooting.
It was characteristically intriguing in the nature of its excitement. It
was characteristically intriguing because, like all the domestic
sensations to which the British Public had become accustomed, it in no
way interfered with the lives of those not directly implicated in it.
Like them all, it entertained without inconveniencing. They knew their
place, the deadlocks, the crises and the other sensations of those
glowing days. They caused no member of their audience to go without his
meals. They interfered neither with pleasure nor with business.
Sometimes this was a little surprising. Fresh from newspaper instruction
of the deadness of the deadlock, the poignancy of the crisis, or the
stupendity of the achievement, one rather expected one's own personal
world to stand still and watch it. But one's own personal world never
did stand still and watch it.
Sabre, coming into his office on the day reporting the affray in Dublin,
was made to experience this.
In the town, on his arrival, he purchased several of the London
newspapers to read other accounts and other views of the gun-running and
its sensational sequel. His intention was to read them the moment he got
to his room. He put them on a chair while he hung up his straw hat and
filled a pipe.
They remained there unopened till the charwoman removed them in the
evening. On his desk, as he glanced towards it, was a letter from Nona.
He turned it over in his hands—the small neat script. She never before
had written to him at the office. It bore the London postmark. She would
be writing from their town house. It would be to say she was coming
back.... But she never wrote on the occasions of her return; they just
met.... And she had never before written to the office.
Mr. Fortune appeared at the communicating door. Sabre put the letter
into his pocket and turned towards him.
Mr. Fortune came into the room. With him was a young man, a youth, whose
face was vaguely familiar to Sabre; Twyning behind.
"Ah, Sabre," said Mr. Fortune. "Good morning, Sabre. This is rather a
larger number of visitors than you would commonly expect, but we are a
larger staff this morning than we have heretofore been. I am bringing in
to you a new member of our staff." He indicated the young man beside
him. "A new member but bearing an old name. A chip of the old block—the
old Twyning block." He smiled, stroking his whale-like front rather as
though this pleasantry had proceeded from its depths and he was
congratulating it. The young man smiled. Twyning, edging forward from
the background, also smiled. All the smiles were rather nervous. This
was natural in the new member of the staff but in Twyning and Mr.
Fortune gave Sabre the feeling that for some reason they were not
entirely at ease. His immediate thought had been that it was an odd
thing to have taken on young Twyning without mentioning it even casually
to him. It was significant of his estrangement in the office; but their
self-conscious manner was even more significant: it suggested that he
had been kept out of the plan deliberately.
He gave the young man his hand. "Why, that's very nice," he said. "I
thought I knew your face. I think I've seen you with your father. You've
been in Blade and Parson's place, haven't you?"
Young Twyning replied that he had. He had his father's rather quick and
stiff manner of speaking. He was fair-haired and complexioned,
good-looking in a sharp-featured way, a juvenile edition of his father
in a different colouring.
Mr. Fortune, still stroking the whale-like front, produced further
pleasantry from it. "Yes, with Blade and Parson. Twyning here has
snatched him from the long arm of the law before he has had time to
develop the long jaw of the legal shark. In point of fact, Sabre"—Mr.
Fortune ceased to stroke the whale-like front. He moved a step or two
out of the line of Sabre's regard, and standing before the bookshelves,
addressed his remarks to them as though what else he had to say were not
of particular consequence—"In point of fact, Sabre, this very natural
and pleasing desire of Twyning to have his son in the office, a desire
which I am most gratified to support, is his first—what shall I
say?—feeling of his feet—establishing of his position—in his
new—er—in his new responsibility, duty—er—function. I like this
deeper tone in the 'Six Terms' binding, Sabre. I distinctly approve it.
Yes. What was I saying? Ah, yes, Twyning is now in partnership, Sabre.
Yes. Good."
He came abruptly away from the shelves and directed the whale-like front
towards his door in process of departure. "A little reorganisation.
Nothing more. Just a little reorganisation. I think you'll find we shall
all work very much the more comfortably for it." He paused before young
Twyning. "Well, young man, now you've made your bow before our literary
adviser. I think we decided to call him Harold, eh, Twyning? Avoid
confusion, don't you agree, Sabre?"
"If that's his name," Sabre said. He had remained standing looking
towards father and son precisely as he had stood and looked at the
party's entry.
Mr. Fortune glanced sharply at him and compressed his lips. "It is," he
said shortly. He left the room.
Twyning spoke his first words since his entry. "Well, there we are, old
man." He smiled and breathed strongly through his nose, as if tensing
himself against some emergency that might arise.
Sabre said, "Yes, well done, Twyning. Of course he promised you this
long ago."
"Yes, didn't he? Glad you remember my telling you. Of course it won't
make the least difference to you, old man. What I mean is, if anything I
hope I shall be able to give you a leg up in all sorts of ways. I've
been telling Harold what a frightfully smart man you are, haven't I,
Harold?"
Harold smiled assent to this tribute, and Sabre said, "I suppose we
shall go on much as before?"
"Oh, rather, old man."
"Harold be working in your room, eh?"
"Yes, that's the idea, for a start, anyway. They're just shoving up a
desk for him. Come along in and see how we're fixing it, old man."
"I'll look in presently."
"Righto, old man. Come along, Harold." At the door he turned and said,
"Oh, by the way. I want you to show Harold through the work of this side
of the business a bit later on."
Sabre looked quickly at him. "You want me to?"
Twyning flushed darkly. "Well, he may as well get the hang of the whole
business, mayn't he? That's what I mean."
"Oh, certainly he should. I quite agree. Send him along any time you
like."
"Thanks awfully, old man."
But outside the door Twyning added to himself: "You thought that was an
order, my lord; and you didn't like it. Pretty soon you won't think.
You'll know."
Sabre remained standing at his desk. He had a tiny ball of paper in his
hand and he rolled it round between his finger and thumb, round and
round and round and round.... In his mind was a recollection: "You have
struck your tents and are upon the march."
He thought, "This has been coming a long time.... It's my way of looking
at things has done this. I'm getting so I've got nowhere to turn. It's
no good pretending I don't feel this. I feel it most frightfully....
I've let down the books. They'll take a back place in the business now.
Twyning's always been jealous of them. Fortune's never really liked my
success with them. They'll begin interfering with the books now.... My
books.... It was rottenly done. Behind my back. Plotted against me, or
they wouldn't have sprung it on me like that. That shows what it's going
to be like.... It's all through my way of looking at things.... I've no
one here I can take things to. This frightful feeling of being alone in
the place. And it's going to be worse. And nowhere to get out of it.
More empty at home.... And now there's this. And I've got to go back to
that.... 'You have struck your tents and are upon the march' ... Yes.
Yes...."
He suddenly recollected Nona's letter. He took it from his pocket and
opened it; and the second event was discharged upon him.
She wrote from their town house:
"Marko, take me away—Nona."
His emotions leapt to her with most terrible violence. He felt his heart
leap against his breast as though, engine of his tumult, it would burst
its bonds and to her. He struck his hand upon the desk. He said aloud,
"Yes! Yes!" He remembered his words, "If ever you feel you can't bear
it, tell me.—Tell me."
He began to write plans to her. He would come to London to-morrow....
She should come to the station if she could; if not, he would be at the
Great Western Hotel. She would telephone to him there and they could
arrange to meet and discuss what they should do.... He would like to go
away with her directly they met, but there were certain things to see
to. He wrote, "But I can only take you—"
His pen stopped. Familiar words! He repeated them to himself, and their
conclusion and their circumstance appeared and stood, as with a sword,
across the passage of his thoughts. "But I can only lead you downwards.
I cannot lead you upwards ..."
As with a sword—
He sat back in his chair and gazed upon this armed intruder to give it
battle.
The morning passed and the afternoon while still he sat, no more moving
than to sink lower in his seat as the battle joined and as he most
dreadfully suffered in its most dreadful onsets. Towards five o'clock he
put out his hand without moving his position and drew towards him the
letter he had begun. The action was as that of one utterly undone. He
very slowly tore it across, and then across again, and so into tiniest
fragments till his fingers could no more fasten upon them. He dropped
his arm away and opened his hand, and the white pieces fluttered in a
little cloud to the floor.
Presently he drew himself up to the table and began to write, writing
very slowly because his hand trembled so. In half an hour he blotted the
few lines on the last sheet:
"...So, simply what I want to do is to let our step—if we take it—be
mine, not yours. We shall forget absolutely that you ever wrote. It's as
though it had never been written. On Tuesday I will write and ask you,
'Shall I come up to you?' So if you say 'Yes' the action will have been
entirely mine. It will start from there. This hasn't happened. And
during these days in between, just think like anything over what I've
said. Honour can't have any degree, Nona, any more than truth can have
any degree: whatever else the world can quibble to bits it can't
partition those: truth is just truth and honour is just honour. And a
marriage vow is a pledge of honour like any other pledge of honour, and
if one breaks it one breaks one's honour, never mind what the excuse is.
There's no conceivable way of arguing out of that. That's what I shall
ask you to do on Tuesday and I'm just warning you so you shall have time
to think beforehand."
He took his pen, and steadied his hand, and wrote:
"And your reply, when I ask you, whichever it is, shall bring me light
into darkness, unutterable darkness.—M."
He could hear the homeward movements about the office. It was time to
go. He wheeled his bicycle to the letter box at the corner of The
Precincts. As he dropped in his letter, the evening edition of Pike's
paper came bawling around the corner.
AUSTRIA
DECLARES WAR
ON SERVIA
He shook his head at the paper the boy held out to him and rode away.
What had that kind of thing to do with him?
Unutterable darkness! He lived within it during the days that followed
while he awaited the day appointed to write to Nona again. He had put
away that for which, with a longing that was almost physical in its
pain, his spirit craved; and craved the more terribly for his denial of
it. Whatever she said when he asked, whichever way she answered him, he
would be brought relief from his intolerable stress. If she maintained
honour above love, his weakness, he knew, would be welded into strength,
as the presence of another brings enormous support to timidity; if she
declared for love,—his mind surged within him at the imagination of
bursting away once and for ever the squeamish principles which for
years, hedging about his conduct on this side and on that, had profited
nothing those on whose behalf they had been erected and his own life had
desolated into barrenness.
He was little disposed, in these dismays and in this darkness, to divert
attention to the international disturbances which now were rumbling
across the newspapers in portentous and enormous headlines. Ireland was
pressed away. It was all Europe now—thrones, chancelleries, councils,
armies. He tried to say, "What of it?" Many in Great Britain tried to
say, "What of it?" Crises and deadlocks again! Meaningless and empty
words, for months and years past worked to death and rendered hollow as
empty vessels. Some one would climb down. Some one always climbed down.
Nobody climbed down.
The cauldron whose seething and bubbling had entertained some, fidgeted
some, some nothing at all concerned, suddenly boiled over, and poured in
boiling fat upon the flames, and poured in flames upon the hearth of
every man's concerns.
On Friday the Stock Exchange closed. On Saturday Germany declared war on
Russia. In Sunday's papers Sabre read of the panic run on the banks,
people fighting to convert their notes into gold. One London bank had
suspended payment. Many had shut out failure only by minutes when midday
permitted them to close their doors. People were besieging the provision
shops to lay in stores of food.
And poured in flames upon the hearth of every man's concerns....
All his concerns, the crisis with Nona, with his honour and his love,
that awaited determination, were disputed their place in his mind by the
incredible and enormous events that each new hour discharged upon the
world. He watched them as one might be watching a burning building and
feeling at every moment that the roof will crash in, yet somehow feeling
that it cannot and will not fall in. The thing was gone beyond
possibility of recovery, there terribly arose now the urgency for Great
Britain to declare for honour, yet somehow he felt that it could not and
would not fail to be averted. It could not happen.
It did happen. On Tuesday the mounting amazements burst amain. On
Tuesday the roof that could not fall in fell in. On Tuesday, the day
appointed for his letter to Nona, he uttered in realisation that which,
uttered in speculation, had been meaningless as an unknown word spoken
in a foreign tongue: "War!"
The news of Tuesday morning caused him at six o'clock in the evening to
have been standing two hours in the great throng that filled Market
Square gazing towards the offices of the County Times. Our
mobilisation, our resolve to stand by France if the German Fleet came
into the Channel, lastly, most awfully pregnant of all, our obligations
to Belgium,—that had been the morning's news, conveyed in the report of
Sir Edward Grey's statement in the House of Commons. That afternoon the
Prime Minister was to make a statement.
A great murmur swelled up from the waiting crowd, a great movement
pressed it forward towards the County Times offices. On the
first-floor balcony men appeared dragging a great board faced with
paper, on the paper enormous lettering. The board was pulled out
endways. The man last through the window took a step forward and swung
the letters into view.
PREMIER'S STATEMENT
————
ULTIMATUM TO GERMANY
EXPIRES MIDNIGHT
Sabre said aloud, "My God! War!"
As a retreating wave harshly withdrawing upon the reluctant pebbles,
there sounded from the crowd an enormous intaking of the breath. An
instant's stupendous silence, the wave poised for return. Down! A
shattering roar, tremendous, wordless. The figure of Pike appeared upon
the balcony, in his shirt sleeves, his long hair wild about his face, in
his hands that which caught the roar as it were by the throat, stopped
it and broke it out anew on a burst of exultant clamour. A Union Jack.
He shook it madly with both hands above his head. The roar broke into a
tremendous chant. "God Save the King!"
Sabre pressed his way out of the Square. He kept saying to himself,
"War.... War...." He found himself running to the office; no one was in
the office; then getting out his bicycle with frantic haste, then
riding home,—hard.
And he kept saying, "War!"
He thought, "Otway!" and before his eyes appeared a vision of Otway with
those little beads of perspiration on his nose.
War—he couldn't get any further than that. Like the systole and
diastole of a slowly beating pulse, the word kept on forming in his mind
and welling away in a tide of confused and amorphous scenes; and forming
again; and again oozing in presentments of speculations, scenes,
surmises, and in profound disturbances of strange emotions. War.... And
there kept appearing the face of Otway with the little points of
perspiration about his nose. Otway had predicted this months ago.—And
he was right. It had come.
War....
He approached Penny Green and realised for the first time the hard pace
at which he had been riding. And realised also the emotions which
subconsciously had been driving him along. All the way he had been
saying "War!" What he wanted, most terribly, was to say it aloud to some
one. He wanted to say it to Mabel. He had a sudden great desire to see
Mabel and tell her about it and talk to her about it. He felt a
curiously protective feeling towards her. For the first time in his life
he pedalled instead of free-wheeling the conclusion of the ride. He ran
into the house and into the morning room. Mabel was not there. It was
almost dinner time. She would be in her room. He ran upstairs. She was
standing before her dressing table and turned to him in surprise.
"Whatever—"
"I say, it's war!"
She echoed the word. "War?"
"Yes, war. We've declared war!"
"Declared war?"
"Yes, declared war. We've sent Germany an ultimatum. It ends to-night.
It's the same thing. It means war."
He was breathless, panting. She said, "Good gracious! Whatever will
happen? Have you brought an evening paper? Do you know the papers didn't
come this morning till—"
He could not hear her out. "No, I didn't wait. I simply rushed away."
He was close to her. He took her hands. "I say, Mabel, it's war." His
emotions were tumultuous and extraordinary. He wanted to draw her to him
and kiss her. They had not kissed for longer than he could have
remembered; but now he held her hands hard and desired to kiss her. "I
say, it's war."
She gave her sudden burst of laughter. "You are excited. I've never seen
you so excited. Your collar's undone."
He dropped her hands. He said rather stupidly, "Well, it's war, you
know," and stood there.
She turned to her dressing table. "Well, I do wish you'd stayed for a
paper. Now we've got to wait till to-morrow and goodness only knows—"
She was fastening something about her throat and held her breath in the
operation. She released it and said, "Just fancy, war! I never thought
it would be. What will happen first? Will they—" She held her breath
again. She said, "It's too annoying about those papers coming so late.
If they haven't arrived when you go off to-morrow you can tell Jones he
needn't send them any more. He's one of those independent sort of
tradesmen who think they can do just what they like. Just fancy actually
having war with Germany. I can't believe it." She turned towards him and
gave her sudden laugh again. "I say, aren't you ever going to move?"
He went out of the room and along the passage. As he reached his own
room he realised it again. "War—" He went quickly back to Mabel. "I
say—" He stopped. His feelings most frightfully desired some vent. None
here. "Look here. Don't wait dinner for me. You start. I'm going round
to Fargus to tell him."
At the hall door he turned back and went hurriedly into the kitchen. "I
say, it's war!"
"Well, there now!" cried High Jinks.
"Yes, war. We've sent an ultimatum to Germany. It ends to-night."
Low Jinks threw up her hands. "Well, if that isn't a short war!"
"Girl alive, the ultimatum ends, not the war. Don't you know what an
ultimatum is?"
Outside he ran down the drive and ran to Fargus's door. It stood open.
In the hall the eldest Miss Fargus appeared to be maintaining the last
moment before dinner by "doing" a silver card salver.
"Hullo, Miss Fargus. I say, is your father about? I say, it's war. We've
declared war!"
The eldest Miss Fargus lifted her head to another Miss Fargus also
"doing" something on the stairs above her, and in a very high voice
called, "Papa! War!"
The staircase Miss Fargus took it up immediately. "Papa! War!" and Sabre
heard it go echoing through the house, "Papa! War! Papa! War! Papa!
War!"
"How terrible, how dreadful, how frightful, how awful," said the eldest
Miss Fargus. "You must excuse me shaking hands, but as you see I am over
pink plate powder. I'm not surprised. We were discussing it only at
breakfast; and for my part, though Julie, Rosie, Poppy and Bunchy were
against me, I—" She broke off to turn and take her portion in a new
chorus now filling the house. Sounds of some one descending the stairs
at break-neck speed were heard, and the chorus shrilled, "Papa, take
care! Papa, take care! Papa, take care!"
Mr. Fargus's grey little figure came terrifically down the last flight
and up the hall, a cloud of female Farguses in his wake. He ran to Sabre
with hands outstretched and grasped Sabre's hands and wrung them.
"Sabre! Sabre! What's this? Really? Truly? War? We've declared war?
Well, I say, thank God! Thank God! I was afraid. I was terribly afraid
we'd stand out. But thank God, England is England still.... And will be,
Sabre; and will be!" He released Sabre's hands and took out a
handkerchief and wiped his eyes. "I prayed for this," he said. "I prayed
for God to be in Downing Street last night."
The chorus, unpleasantly shocked at the idea of God being asked to go to
Downing Street, said in a low but stern tone, "Papa, hush. Papa, hush.
Papa, hush"; but Sabre had come for this excited wringing of his hands
and for this emotion. It was what he had been seeking ever since Pike's
notice board had swung the news before his eyes. When presently he left
he carried with him that which, when his mind would turn to it, caused
his heart to swell enormously within him. Through the evening, and gone
to bed and lying awake long into the night, he was at intervals caught
up from the dark and oppressive pictures of his mind by surging onset of
the emotions that came with Mr. Fargus's emotion. War.... His spirit
answered, "England!"
Lying awake, he thought of Nona. He had not written the letter to her.
The appointed day was past and he had not written. He would have said,
during that unutterable darkness in which he had awaited it, that not
the turning of the world upside down would have prevented him writing;
but the world had turned upside down. It was not a board Pike's men
had swung around in that appalling moment when he had watched them
appear on the balcony. It was the accustomed and imponderable world,
awfully unbalanced. Nona would understand. Nona always understood
everything. He wondered how she had maintained this terrific day. He was
assured that he knew. She would have felt just as he had felt. He
thought, with a most passionate longing for her, that he would have
given anything to have been able to turn to her when he had exclaimed,
"My God, war", and to have caught her hands and looked into her
beautiful face. To-morrow he would send the letter. To-morrow? Why, yes,
to-day, like all to-days in the removed and placid light of all
to-morrows, would be shown needlessly hectic. Ten to one something would
have happened in the night to make to-day look foolish. If nothing had
happened, if it still was war, it could only be a swiftly over business,
a rapid and general recognition of the impossibility of war in modern
conditions.
Disturbingly upon these thoughts appeared the face of Otway, the little
beads of perspiration about his nose.
His consciousness stumbled away into the mazy woods of sleep, and
turned, and all night sought to return, and stumbled sometimes to its
knees among the drowsy snares, and saw strange mirages of the round
world horrifically tilted with "War" upon its face, of Nona held away
and not approachable, of intense light and of suffocating darkness; and
rousing and struggling away from these, and stumbling yet, rarely
succumbing.
When he went down into Tidborough in the morning it was to know at once
that this to-morrow gave no lie to its precedent day. It intensified it.
The previous day foreshadowed war. The new day presented it.
The papers, as it happened, did not arrive before he left, and Mabel had
more to say of her annoyance with the insufferable Jones than of what
his withheld wares might contain. Her attitude towards the international
position was—up to this point of its development—precisely this: she
had been following the crisis day by day with appreciation of its
sensational headlines while these were in the paper before her, but
without further interest when the paper was read. She folded up the
thrones, the chancelleries, the councils, the armies and the peoples and
put them away in the brass newspaper rack in the morning room and
proceeded about her duties and her engagements. But she liked unfolding
them and she was thoroughly annoyed with the insufferable Jones for
preventing her from unfolding them. She said she would come down into
Tidborough and speak to Jones herself.
"Yes, do," said Sabre. "There'll be things to see."
There were things to see. As he rode into the town people were standing
about in little groups, excitedly talking; every one seemed to have a
newspaper. In a row, as he approached the news agent's, were hugely
printed contents bills, all with the news, in one form or another, "War
Declared."
It was war. Yesterday no dream. He could not stop to rest his bicycle
against the curb. He leant it over and dropped it on the pavement with a
crash and hurried into the shop and bought and read.
War.... He looked out into the street through the open doorway. All
those knots of people standing talking. War.... A mounted orderly passed
down the street at a brisk trot, his dispatch bag swaying and bumping
across his back. Every one turned and stared after him, stepped out into
the roadway and stared after him. War.... He bought all the morning
papers and went on to the office. Outside a bank a small crowd of people
waited about the doors. They were waiting to draw out their money. Lloyd
George had announced the closing of the banks for three days; but they
didn't believe it was real. Was it real? He passed Hanbury's, the big
grocer's. It seemed to be crammed. People outside waiting to get in.
They were buying up food. A woman struggled her way out with three tins
of fruit, a pot of jam and a bag of flour. She seemed thoroughly well
pleased with herself. He heard her say to some one, "Well, I've got
mine, anyway." He actually had a sense of reassurance from her grotesque
provisioning. He thought, "You see, every one knows it can't last long."
No one in the office was pretending to do any work. As in the street,
all were in groups eagerly talking. The clerks' room resounded with
excited discussion. Everybody wanted to talk to somebody. He went into
Mr. Fortune's room. Mr. Fortune and Twyning and Harold were gathered
round a map cut from a newspaper, all talking; even young Harold giving
views and being attentively listened to. They looked up and greeted him
cordially. Everybody was cordial and communicative to everybody. "Come
along in, Sabre." He joined them and he found their conversation
extraordinarily reassuring, like the woman who had sufficiently
provisioned with three tins of fruit, a pot of jam and a bag of flour.
They knew a tremendous lot about it and had evidently been reading
military articles for days past. They all showed what was going to be
done, illustrating it on the map. And the map itself was extraordinarily
reassuring: as Twyning showed—his fingers covering the whole of the
belligerent countries—while the Germans were delivering all their power
down here, in Belgium, the Russians simply nipped in here and would
be threatening Berlin before those fools knew where they were!
He thought, "By Jove, yes."
"And granted," said Mr. Fortune—Mr. Fortune was granting propositions
right and left with an amiability out of all keeping with his normal
stubbornness—"and granted that Germany can put into the field the
enormous numbers you mention, Twyning, what use are they to her? None.
No use whatever. I was talking last night to Sir James Boulder. His son
has been foreign correspondent to one of the London papers for years.
He's attended the army manoeuvres in Germany, France, Austria
everywhere. He knows modern military conditions through and through, as
you may say. Well, he says—and it's obvious when you think of it—that
Germany can't possibly use her enormous masses. No room for them. Only
the merest fraction can ever get into action. Where they're coming in is
like crowding into the neck of a bottle. Two thirds of them uselessly
jammed up behind. A mere handful can hold them up—"
Harold put in, "Yes, and those terrific fortresses, sir."
"Precisely. Precisely. Liége, Namur, Antwerp—absolutely impregnable,
all the military correspondents say so. Impregnable. Well, then. There
you are. It's like sending a thousand men to fight in a street. Look
here—" He went vigorously to the window. They all went to the window;
Sabre with them, profoundly impressed. Mr. Fortune pointed into the
street. "There. That's what it is. Here comes your German army down this
way from the cathedral. Choked. Blocked. Immovable mob. How many do you
suppose could hold them up? Thirty, twenty, a dozen. Hold them up and
throw them into hopeless and utter disorder. Pah! Simple, isn't it? I
don't suppose the thing will last a month. What do you say, Sabre?"
Sabre was feeling considerably more at ease. He felt that the first
shock of the thing had made him take an exaggerated view. "I don't see
how it can," he said, "now I'm hearing a bit more about it. I was
thinking just now what a dramatic thing it would be if it lasted—of
course it can't—but if it lasted till next June and the decisive
battle was fought in June, 1915, just a hundred years after Waterloo.
That would be dramatic, eh?"
They all laughed, and Sabre, realising the preposterousness of such a
notion, laughed with them. Twyning said, "Next June! Imagine it! At the
very outside it will be well over by Christmas."
And they all agreed, "Oh, rather!"
It was all immensely reassuring, and Sabre gathered up his bundle of
papers and went into his room, feeling on the whole rather pleasurably
excited than otherwise. But as he read, column after column and paper
after paper, measures that had been taken by the Government, orders to
Army and Naval reservists, the impending call for men, the scenes in the
streets of London, and with these the deeply grave tone of the leading
articles, the tremendous statistics and the huge foreshadowing of
certain of the military correspondents, the breathless news already from
the seats of war,—as his mind thus received there returned to it its
earlier sense of enormous oppression and tremendous conjecture. War....
England.... The first sentence of his history, now greatly advanced,
came tremendously into his mind: "This England you live in is
yours...." And now at war—challenged—threatened—
It surged enormously within him. He got up. He must go out into the
streets and see what was happening.
The day wore on. He felt extraordinarily shy and self-conscious about
the performance of a matter that had entered his mind with that surging
uplift of his feelings. It was four o'clock in the afternoon before he
took himself to it and then, leaving its place, he unexpectedly
encountered Mabel. She was just going into the station. She had come in,
as she had proposed, and she told him what she had said to Jones and
what Jones had said to her. "Abominably rude man."
Then she asked him, "Was that Doctor Anderson's gate you came out of
just now?"
"Yes."
"Whatever had you been to see him about?"
He flushed. He never could invent an excuse when he wanted one. "I'd
been asking him to have a look at me."
"Whatever for?"
"Oh, nothing particular."
"You couldn't have been to see him for nothing."
"Well, practically nothing. You remember when I increased my life
insurance some time ago they said my heart was a bit groggy and made a
bit of a fuss? Well, I thought I'd just see again so as to get out of
paying that higher premium."
"Oh, that. What nonsense it was. What did he say?"
"Said I had a murmur or some rot. I say, if you're going back now, don't
wait dinner for me to-night. I'll get something here. The Evening
Times is bringing out a special edition at nine o'clock. I'd like to
wait for it."
She assented, "Yes, bring home the paper."
He went into the office. The afternoon post had brought letters to his
desk. He turned them over without interest, then caught up one,—from
Nona.
Marko, this frightful war! I have thanked God on my knees for you
that last week you prevented me. If I had done it with this! Tony
has rejoined the Guards, he was in the Reserve of Officers. And you
see that whatever has been, and is, dear, he's my man to stand by
in this. Marko, it would have been too awful if I couldn't, and I
thank God for you, again and again and again. Nona.
Twyning appeared. "Hullo, old man, heard the latest? I say, you look as
if you're ready to take on the whole world."
The enormous and imponderable world awfully unbalanced. Upside down.
Extraordinarily unreal. Furiously real.
Life, which had been a thing of the clock and of the calendar, became a
thing of events in which there was no time,—only events.
Things began one day very shortly after the declaration of war when,
passing the barracks on his way home, Sabre was accosted and taken into
the Mess by Cottar, a subaltern of the Pinks.
"You must come along in and have a cup of tea," young Cottar urged.
"We've got a hell of a jamborino on. At least we shall have to-night.
We're just working up for it. I can't tell you why. You can guess."
Sabre felt a sudden catch at his emotions. "Is the regiment going?"
They were at the door of the anteroom. Cottar swung it open. The room
was full of men and tobacco smoke and noise. A very tall youth, one
Sikes, was standing on the table, a glass in his hand. "Hullo, Sabre!
Messman, one of those very stiff whiskies for Mr. Sabre—go on, Sabre,
you must. Because—" He had not Cottar's reticence. He burst into song,
waving his glass—"Because—
"We shan't be here in the morning—"
They all took it up, bawling uproariously:
We shan't be here in the morning,
We shan't be here in the morning,
We shan't be here in the mor-or-ning,
Before the break of day!
Otway came in. "Shut up, you noisy young fools. What the—"
Sikes from the table. "Ah, Papa Otway! Three cheers for Papa Otway in
very discreet whispers. Messman, one of those very stiff whiskies for
Captain Otway."
Otway laughed pleasantly. "No, chuck it, I'm not drinking. Hood, I want
you; and you, Carmichael, and you, Bullen." He saw Sabre and came to
him. "Hullo, Sabre. You've heard now. We've managed to keep it pretty
close, but it's all over the place now. Yes, we entrain at daybreak."
Sabre felt frightfully affected. He could hardly speak. "Good Lord. I
can't realise it. I say, Otway, do you remember predicting this nearly
two years ago? You said this would find us all unawares. You were one of
the people every one laughed at."
Precisely the same Otway who had spoken with such extraordinary
intensity outside the Corn Exchange eighteen months before began to
speak with extraordinary intensity now. "That? Oh, I don't give a damn
for any of that now. This is our show now, Sabre. The Army's show. I
don't give a damn for what happens at home now. This is our show. Sabre,
you don't know what this is for me. I've lived for this, dreamt about
it, thought about it, eaten it, drunk it ever since I was a kid at
Sandhurst. Now it's come. By God, it's come at last!"
The same Otway! Positively the little beads of perspiration were shining
about his nose. His eyes scintillated an extraordinary light. He said,
"By God, Sabre, you ought to have seen the battalion on parade this
morning! By God, they were magnificent. They're the finest thing that
ever happened. There's nothing in the Army List to touch us. When I
think I'll be in action with them perhaps inside a week—I—"
An orderly approached and spoke to him. "Right. Right. I'll come along
at once." He was swiftly away. "Patterson, I want you too. There's a man
in your company says his wife—"
And, stilled during his presence, babel broke out anew with his
departure. Some one, standing on a sofa, caught up Otway's last word
into a bawling song—
I've got a wife and sixteen kids,
I've got a wife and sixteen kids,
I've got a wife and—
A cushion whizzed across the room into his face. A tag began. Sikes on
the table was laying down laws of equipment at the top of his voice.
"Well, I'm going to take nothing but socks. I'm going to stuff my pack
absolutely bung full of socks. Man alive, I tell you nothing matters
except socks. If you can keep on getting clean socks every—I'm going to
stuff in socks enough to last me—"[1]
The blessed gift in the war was to be without imagination. The supreme
trial, whether in endurance on the part of those who stayed at home, or
in courage on the part of those who took the field, was upon those whose
mentality invested every sight and every happening with the poignancy of
attributes not present but imagined. For Sabre the war definitely began
with that visit to the Mess on the eve of the Pinks' departure. The high
excitement of the young men, their eager planning, the almost religious
ecstasy of Otway at the consummation of his life's dream, moved Sabre,
visioning what might await it all, in depths profound and painful in
their intensity. His mind would not abandon them. He sat up that night
after Mabel had gone to her room. How on earth could he go to bed, be
hoggishly sleeping, while those chaps were marching out?
He could not. At two in the morning he went quietly from the house and
got out his bicycle and rode down into Tidborough.
He was just in time. The news had been well kept, or in those early days
had not the meaning it came to have. Nevertheless a few people stood
about the High Street in the thin light of the young morning, and when,
almost immediately, the battalion came swinging out of the Market Place,
many appeared flanking it, mostly women.
"Here they come!"
Frightful words! Sabre caught them from a young woman spoken to a very
old woman whose arm she held a few paces from where he stood. Frightful
words! He caught his breath, and, more dreadfully upon his emotions, as
the head of the column came into sight, the band, taking them to the
station, burst into the Pinks' familiar quickstep.
The Camp Town races are five miles long,
Doo-da! Doo-da!
The Camp Town races are five miles long,
Doo-da! Doo-da! Day!
Gwine to run all night. Gwine to run all day.
I bet my money on the bob-tail nag,
Somebody bet on the bay!
He never in his life had experienced anything so utterly frightful or
imagined that anything could be so utterly frightful. His throat felt
bursting. His eyes were filled. They were swinging past him, file by
file. Doo-da! Doo-da! Day! He scarcely could see them. They were
marching at ease, their rifles slung. They seemed to be appallingly
laden with stupendous packs and multitudinous equipment. A tin mug and
God knows what else beside swung and rattled about their thighs. The
women with them were running to keep up, and dragging children, and
stretching hands into the ranks, and crying—all crying.
...Doo-da! Doo-da!
The Camp Town races are five miles long,
Doo-da! Doo-da! Day!
He thought, "Damn that infernal music." He wiped his eyes. This was
impossible to bear ... Doo-da! Doo-da! A most frightful thing
happened. A boy broke out of the ranks and came running, all rattling
and jingling with swinging accoutrements, to the old woman beside Sabre,
put his arms around her and cried in a most frightful voice, "Mother!
Mother!" And a sergeant, also rattling and clanking, dashed up and
bawled with astounding ferocity, "Get back into the bloody ranks!" And
the boy ran on, rattling. And the old woman collapsed prone upon the
pavement. And the sergeant, as though his amazing ferocity had been the
buttress of some other emotions, bent over the old woman and patted her,
rattling, and said, "That's all right, Mother. That's all right. I'll
look after him. I'll bring him back. That's all right, Mother." And ran
on, jingling. Doo-da! Doo-da! Day!
He turned away. He absolutely could not bear it. He walked a few paces
and equally could not forbear to stop and look again. The men were
nearly all laughing and whistling and singing.... This bursting
sensation in all his emotions! It was beyond anything he had ever
experienced before. But he had experienced something like it before. His
mind threw back across the years and presented the occasion to him. It
was when he was a very small boy in his first term at Tidborough. The
Christmas term and he was on the Strip, trying frantically behind a
crowd of boys to get a glimpse of the match in progress,—one of the
great matches of the season, vs. Tidborough Town. One of the boys
against whose waist his frantic head was butting turned and said in a
lordly way, "Let that kid through," and he was roughly bundled to a
front position. The boy who had commanded his presence jolted him in the
back with his knee and said, using the school argot for to cheer or
shout, "Swipe up, you ghastly young ass! Swipe up! Can't you see they're
pressing us?"
Couldn't he see! He felt that the end of the world was coming at what he
saw. The enormous, full-grown town men were almost on the school
goal-line; the school team clinging to them and battling with them like
tiger-cats. He had only been at Tidborough a month, but he felt he would
die if the line was crossed. He swiped till he thought his throat must
crack. When his cracking throat incontinently took intervals of rest, he
prayed to God for the school, visioning God on his throne on the school
goalposts and mentioning to Him the players whose names he knew:
"Oh, let Barnwell get in his kick! Oh, do let Harris see they're heeling
the ball! Oh, help Tufnell to get that man! Help him! Help him!
Schoo-o-ool! Schoo-oo-ool! Schoo-oo-ool!"
Doo-da! Doo-da! Day!
His bursting heart was now saying, "England! England!"
The column passed and was gone. He was left with his most frightful
feelings. He could do nothing now. Four o'clock in the morning. But he
must do something now. He could not go home till he had. He must. He
followed to the station. The men were entraining in the goods yard. He
waited about, not trusting himself to speak to Otway or any of the
others who were going. Presently his opportunity came in a sight of
Colonel Rattray, who commanded the depot and was not going, standing for
a minute alone. Sabre went quickly to him and they exchanged greetings
and said the obvious things proper to the occasion. Then Sabre said,
feeling extraordinarily embarrassed, "I say, Colonel, I want to get into
this. I absolutely must get into this."
"Eh? Into what?"
"The war." It was easier after the plunge, and he went on quickly, "I
see in the papers that civilians are being given commissions, getting
them by recommendation. Can you get me a commission? Can you?"
Colonel Rattray showed surprise. He turned squarely about and faced
Sabre and looked him up and down, but not in the way in which soldiers
looked civilians up and down rather later on. "Well, I don't know. I
might. I've no doubt I could, if you're eligible. How old are you,
Sabre?"
"Thirty-six."
Colonel Rattray said doubtfully, "It's a bit on the steep side for a
commission."
"Well, I'd go in the ranks. I must get in. I absolutely must."
The soldier smiled pleasantly. "Oh, I wouldn't get thinking about the
ranks, Sabre. There're heaps before you, you know. Still, I wouldn't
stop any man getting into the Army if I could help him. I'll see what I
can do. Certainly I will. Mind you, I'm doubtful. Are you fit?"
"I think I am. I'm supposed to have a bit of a heart. But it's absolute
rot. It never affects me in the slightest degree. I can do anything."
"Well, that's the first thing, you know. Look here, I'm wanted. Come up
to the Mess in the morning and I'll get our doctor to have a look at
you. Then we'll see what can be done. All right, eh?"
He rode home much relieved from the stresses he had suffered in that
awful business of watching the regiment march out. He felt that if only
he could be "in it" he could equably endure any of these things that
were happening and that would get worse; if he had just to stand by and
watch them his portion would be insupportable. England! Other people
whom he knew could not possibly feel it in the way he felt it. His
history with its opening sentence, "This England you live in is
yours", had arisen out of his passionate love for all that England
meant to him. In all Shakespeare there was no passage that moved him in
quite the same way whenever he recalled it as Richard the Second's
Dear earth, I do salute thee with my hand....
Mock not my senseless conjuration, lords,
This earth shall have a feeling....
Stooping and touching the soil of England as one might bend and touch a
beloved face. That was what England for years had meant to him. And
now.... It was upon these emotions, vaguely, "in case", that he had gone
to Doctor Anderson on the morning of the frightful news. Anderson had
told him he couldn't possibly be passed for the Army, but at the moment
the idea of ever wanting to go into the Army had only been an almost
ridiculously remote contingency, and what did Anderson know about the
Army standard, anyway?
He said nothing to Mabel of his intention. It was just precisely the
sort of thing he could not possibly discuss with Mabel. Mabel would say,
"Whyever should you?" and of all imaginable ordeals the idea of exposing
before Mabel his feeling about England ... he would tell her when it was
done, if it came off. He could say then, in what he knew to be the
clumsy way in which he had learnt to hide his ideas from her, he could
say, "Well, I had to."
And his thought was, when a few hours later he was walking slowly away
from his interview with Major Earnshaw, the doctor at the barracks,
"Thank God, I never said anything to Mabel about it."
The very few officers left behind at the depot were at breakfast when he
arrived to keep Colonel Rattray to his word. Major Earnshaw had very
pleasantly got up from the table to "put him out of his misery" there
and then without formality and had "had a go at this heart of yours" in
the billiard room. Withdrawn his stethoscope and shaken his head. It was
"no go; absolutely none, Sabre."
"Well, but that's for a commission. I'll go into the ranks. Isn't that
any different?"
No different. "You can't possibly go in as you are—now. In time, if
this thing goes on, the standards will probably be reduced. But they'll
have to be reduced a goodish long way before you'll get in, I don't mind
telling you."
Sabre wheeled his bicycle slowly away across the barrack square. "Thank
goodness, I never said anything to Mabel about it." A cluster of young
men of various degrees of life were waiting outside the door of the
recruiting office. The rush of the first few days was thinning down but
recruits were still pouring in. They were all laughing and talking
noisily. He had the wish that he could take the thing in that spirit.
Why couldn't he? After all, what did it really matter that he was not
able to get "in it"? Even if he had been accepted it would only have
been pretending. He never would have got really "in it"; none of those
chaps would; every one knew the war couldn't last long; it would be over
long before any of these recruits could be trained.
This "common sense" argument carried him through following days; then
came another of the frightful undoings of his emotions; and just as the
war definitely began for him with the glimpse of the beginnings of that
"jamborino" in the Mess, so from this new occasion began, unceasingly
and increasingly, and with shocking effect upon his sensitiveness, a
dreadful oppression by the war and, adding to its darkness, a gnawing
and unreasonable self-accusation that he was not "in it."
The occasion was that of his meeting with Harkness outside the County
Times office. Harkness was a captain of the battalion that had gone out
who had been left behind owing to some illness. The British
Expeditionary Force had been in action. There had been scraps of news of
some heavy fighting. Harkness said dully, "Hullo, Sabre. I've just been
in to see that chap Pike to see if he'd got anything. We've had some
news, you know." He stopped. His face was twitching.
Sabre said, "News? Anything about the Pinks?"
Harkness nodded. He seemed to be swallowing. Then he said, "Yes, the
regiment. Pretty bad."
Sabre said, "Any one—?" and also stopped.
Harkness looked, not at Sabre, but straight across the top of his head
and began an appalling, and as it seemed to Sabre, an endless
recitative. "The Colonel's killed. Bruce is killed. Otway's killed—"
"Otway...."
"Cottar's killed. Bullen's killed—"
Endless! The names struck Sabre like successive blows. Were they never
going to end?
"Carmichael's killed. My young brother's—" his voice cracked—"killed.
Sikes is killed."
"Sikes killed.... And your brother...."
Harkness said in a very thin, squeaking voice, "Yes, the regiment's
pretty well—The regiment's—" He looked full at Sabre and said in a
very loud, defiant voice, "I bet they were magnificent. By God, I bet
you they were magnificent. Oh, my God, why the hell wasn't I there?" He
turned abruptly and went away, walking rather funnily.
This was the moment at which there descended upon Sabre, never to leave
him while he remained not "in it", the appalling sense of oppression
that the war exercised upon him. On his brain like a weight; on his
heart like a pressing hand. He thought of Otway's intense, gleaming
face. "My God, Sabre, you ought to have seen the battalion on parade
this morning." He saw Otway's face cold and stricken. He thought of
Sikes, on the table. "Well, I'm going to take nothing but socks. I'm
going to stuff my pack absolutely bung full of socks." He saw Sikes
flung like a disused thing in some field....
And still events; still, and always, now, disturbing things.
While he stood there he was suddenly aware of Young Rod, Pole or Perch,
rather breathlessly come up.
"I say, Sabre, have you heard this frightful news about the Pinks?—I
say, Sabre, I want your help most frightfully. I want you to talk to my
mother. She likes you. She'll listen to you. I'm going to enlist. I've
been putting it off day after day, trying to fix up things for my mother
and trying to persuade her; but I haven't done much and I absolutely
can't wait any longer."
Sabre said, "Good Lord, are you, Perch? Must you? Your mother, why, what
on earth will she do without you? She'll—"
Young Perch winced painfully. "I know. I know. It pretty well kills me
to think of it and I'm having the most frightful scenes with her. But
I've thought it all out, Sabre, and I know I'm doing the right thing.
I've looked after my mother all my life, and a month ago the idea of
leaving her even for a couple of nights would have been unthinkable. But
this is different. This is—" He flushed awkwardly—"you can't talk that
sort of patriotic stuff, you know, but this is, well this is a chap's
country, and I've figured it out it's got to come before my mother. It's
got to. She says it will kill her if I go. I believe it will, Sabre. And
my God, if it does—but I can't help it. I know what's the right thing.
I'll tell you something else." His face, which had been red and cloudy
as with tears, became dark and passionate. "I'll tell you something
else. People are saying things about me and to me because I'm young and
unmarried and haven't got a wife to support. Curse them, Sabre—what do
they know about it? Aren't their wives young, strong, able to take care
of themselves? My mother can't come downstairs without me and can't let
any one else—"
He rubbed a hand across his eyes and broke off. "Never mind about that;
I know what I've got to do. Look here, Sabre, I tell you where I want
your help, like anything. You know lots of people. I don't. Well, I want
to get hold of some nice girl to live with my mother and take care of
her in my place while I'm away. A sort of companion, aren't they called?
Like that Bypass person up at old Boom Bagshaw's, only much nicer and
younger and friendlier than she is. You see, I know my mother. If it was
any one of any age, she wouldn't have her in the house at any price, and
she'd send her flying out of the window in about two days if she did
have her. She swears no power on earth will induce her to have any one
at all as it is. But I'm going to manage it if I can get the right
person. I want some one who my mother will indignantly call a chit of a
child"—he gave rather a broken little laugh—"can't I hear her saying
it! But she'll instantly begin to mother her because she is a chit of a
child, and to fuss over her and tell her what she ought to eat and what
she ought to wear, and does she wear a flannel binder, and all that,
just as she does to me. And in about a week she'll be as right as rain
and writing me letters all day and arguing with the girl how to spell
'being' and 'been'—you know what my mother is. I say, Sabre, do for
God's sake help me, if you can. Do you know any one?"
Sabre, during this greatly troubled outpouring, had the feeling that
this was all of a part with the calamitous news he had just had from
Harkness,—a direct continuation of it. This frightful war! Was it going
to attack even that pathetic little old woman at Puncher's Farm with her
fumbling hands and her frail existence centred solely in her son? He
said, "I'm awfully sorry, Perch. Frightfully sorry for your mother and
for you. You know best what you ought to do. I won't say anything either
way. I think a man's only judge in this ghastly business is himself. Of
course, I'll help you. I'll help you all I can. It's a funny coincidence
but I believe I do know just the very girl that would be what you
want—"
Young Perch grasped his hand in delighted relief. "Oh, Sabre, if you do!
I felt you would help. You've always been a chap to turn to!"
"I've turned to you, Perch, you and your mother, a good deal more than
you might imagine. I'm glad to help if I can. The chance I'm thinking
about I was hearing of only a few days ago. The works' foreman in my
office, an old chap called Bright. He's got a daughter about eighteen or
thereabouts, and I was hearing he wanted to get her into some kind of
post like yours. I've spoken to her once or twice when she's been about
the place for her father and I took a tremendous fancy to her. She's as
pretty as a picture. Effie, she's called. I believe your mother would
take to her no end. And she'd just love your mother."
Young Perch said rather thickly, "Any one would who takes her the right
way."
Sabre touched him encouragingly on the shoulder. "This girl Effie will
if only we can get her. She's that sort, I know. I'll see about it at
once. Buck up, old man."
"Thanks most frightfully, Sabre. Thanks most awfully."
It was from Twyning that Sabre had heard that a post of some sort was
being considered for Effie Bright. Her father, as he had told young
Perch, was works' foreman at Fortune, East and Sabre's. "Mr. Bright." A
massive old man with a massive, rather striking face hewn beneath a bald
dome and thickly grown all about and down the throat with stiff white
hair. He had been in the firm as long as Mr. Fortune himself and
appeared to Sabre, who had little to do with him, to take orders from
nobody. He was intensely religious and he had the deep-set and
extraordinarily penetrating eyes that frequently denote the religious
zealot. He was not liked by the hands. They called him Moses, disliked
his intense religiosity and feared the cold and heavy manner that he
had. He trod heavily about the workshops, looking into the eyes of the
young men as if far more concerned to search their souls than their
benches; and Sabre, when speaking to him, always had the feeling that
Mr. Bright was penetrating him with the same intention.
Extraordinary that such a stern and hard old man should have for
daughter such a fresh and lovable slip of a young thing as his Effie!
Bright Effie, Sabre always called her, inverting her names. Mr. Bright
had a little cupboard called his office at the foot of the main stairway
and Bright Effie came often to see her father there. Sabre had spoken to
her in the little cupboard or just outside it. He had delight in
watching the most extraordinary shining that she had in her eyes. It was
like reading an entertaining book, he used to think, and he had the idea
that humor of that rarest kind which is unbounded love mingled with
unbounded sense of the oddities of life was packed to bursting within
her. All that she saw or heard seemed to be taken into that exhaustless
fount, metamorphosed into the most delicious sensations, and shone forth
in extraordinarily humorous delight through her eyes. Somewhere in the
dullest day light is found and thrown back by a bright surface. It was
just so, Sabre used to think, with Effie. All things were fresh to her
and she found freshness in all things.
Some such apprehension of her Sabre had expressed to Twyning on the
occasion that came to his mind during young Perch's entreaty for some
one to live with his mother. Sabre had been standing with Twyning at Mr.
Fortune's window, Mr. Bright and Effie leaving the office and crossing
the street together beneath them. Twyning, who was on intimate terms
with Mr. Bright, had given a short laugh and said, "Hullo, you seem to
have been thinking a lot about the fair Effie!"
The kind of laugh and the kind of remark that Sabre hated and he gave a
slight gesture which Twyning well knew meant that he hated it. This was
what Twyning called "stuck-uppishness" and equally hated, and he chose
words expressive of his resentment,—the class insistence.
"Well, she's got to earn her living, however jolly she is. She's not one
of your fine ladies, you know."
Sabre recognised the implication but ignored it. "What's old Bright
going to do with her?"
"He doesn't quite know. He was talking to my missus about it the other
day. He's as good as we are, you know. He's an idea of getting her out
as a sort of lady's companion somewhere."
This was what Sabre had remembered; and he went straight from young
Perch to Twyning and recalled the conversation.
Twyning said, "Hullo, still interested in the fair Effie?"
"It's for young Perch over at Penny Green I'm asking. For his mother.
He's a young man"—Sabre permitted his eyes to rest for a moment on
Harold, seated at his desk—"and he feels he ought to join the army. He
wants the girl to be with his mother while he's away."
Twyning, noting the glance, changed his tone to one of much
friendliness. "Oh, I see, old man. No, Effie's got nothing yet. She was
over to our place to tea last Sunday."
"Good. I'll go and talk to old Bright. I'm keen about this."
"Yes, you seem to be, old man."
Mr. Bright received the suggestion with a manner that irritated Sabre.
While he was being told of the Perches he stared at Sabre with that
penetrating gaze of his as though in the proposal he searched for some
motive other than common friendliness. His first comment was, "They'll
want references, I suppose, sir?"
Sabre smiled. "Oh, scarcely, Mr. Bright. Not when they know who you
are."
The old man was standing before Sabre in the little cupboard bending his
head close towards him as though he would sense out, if he could not
see, some hidden motive behind all this. He contracted his great brows
as if to squeeze more penetration into his gaze. "Yes, but I'll want
references, Mr. Sabre. My girl's been well brought up. She's not going
here, there, nor anywhere."
Extraordinary the intensity of his searching, suspicious stare! Hard,
stupid old man, Sabre thought. "Dash it, does he suppose I've got
designs on the girl?" He would have returned an impatient answer had he
not been so anxious on the Perches' behalf. Instead he said pleasantly,
"Of course she's not, Mr. Bright. You may be sure I wouldn't suggest
this if I didn't know it was in every way desirable. Mrs. Perch is a
very old friend of mine and a very simple and kind old lady. There'll be
only herself for Effie to meet. And she'll make a daughter of her."
Nothing, of the penetration abated from the deep-set eyes, nor came any
expression of thanks from the stern, pursed mouth. "I'll take my girl
over and see for myself, Mr. Sabre."
Surly, stupid old man! However, poor young Perch! Poor old Mrs. Perch!
The very thing, if only it would come off.
It came off. Sabre went up to Puncher's Farm on the evening of the day
Mr. Bright, "to see for himself", had called with Effie. Young Perch
greeted him delightedly in the doorway and clasped his hand in
gratitude. "It's all right. It's fixed. She's coming. I've had the most
frightful struggle with my mother. But it's only her way, you know." He
stopped and Sabre heard him gulp. "Only her way. I could see she took to
the girl from the start. My mother's started knitting me a pair of socks
and old man Bright—I say, he's rather an alarming sort of person,
Sabre—had hardly opened his mouth when they arrived when the girl, in
the most extraordinary, making-a-fuss-of-her kind of way, told her she
was using the wrong size needles or something. And my mother, as if she
had known her all her life, said, 'There you are, I knew I was. It's
simply useless asking Freddie to do any shopping for me. He simply lets
them give him anything they like.' And she told the girl she thought she
had some other needles in one of those gigantic old boxes of ours. And
they went off together to look, and heaven only knows what they got up
to; they were away about half an hour and came back with about three
hundredweight of old wools and nine pounds of needles, and talking about
how they were going through all the other boxes, 'now I've got some one
to help me', as my mother said. By Jove, the girl's wonderful. D'you
know, she actually kissed my mother when she was leaving and said, 'Now
be sure to try that little pillow just under your side to-night. Just
press it in as you're falling asleep.' By Jove, you can't think how
grateful I am to you, Sabre."
"I am glad," Sabre told him. "I felt she'd be just like that. But why
have you been having a frightful struggle over it with your mother if
she's taken to her so?"
Young Perch gave the fond little laugh with which Sabre had so often
heard him conclude his enormous arguments with his mother. "Oh, you know
what my mother is. She's now made up her mind that the girl is coming
here to do what she calls 'catch me.' She'll forget that soon. Anyway,
the girl's coming. She's coming the day after to-morrow, the day I'm
going. Come along in and see my mother and keep her to it."
The subject did not require bringing up. "I suppose Freddie's told you
what he's forcing me into now, Mr. Sabre," old Mrs. Perch greeted him.
"It's a funny thing that I should be forced to do things at my time of
life. Of course she's after Freddie. Do you suppose I can't see that?"
"Well, but she won't see Freddie, Mrs. Perch. He won't be here."
"She'll catch him," declared Mrs. Perch doggedly. "Any girl could catch
Freddie. He's a positive fool with one of these girls after him. Now
she's got to have his uncle Henry's armchair in her room, if you please.
That's a nice thing, isn't it?"
"Now look here, Mother, you know perfectly well that was your own idea.
You said you felt sure she had a weak back and that—"
"I never supposed she was going to have your uncle Henry's chair for her
weak back or for any other back. Ask Mr. Sabre what he thinks. There he
is. Ask him."
Sabre said, "But you do like the girl, don't you, Mrs. Perch?"
Mrs. Perch pursed her lips.
"I don't say I don't like her. I merely ask what I'm going to do with
her in the house. When Freddie said he wanted to bring some one in to be
with me, I never supposed he was going to bring a chit of a child into
the house. I assure you I never supposed that was going to be done to
me."
And then quite suddenly Mrs. Perch dropped into a chair and said in a
horribly weak voice, "I don't mind who comes into the house, now. I
can't contend like I used to contend." Immense tears gathered in her
eyes and began to run swiftly down her cheeks. "I'm not fit for anything
now. I can't live without Freddie. I like the girl; but all this house
where we've been so happy ... without Freddie ... I shall see his dear,
bright face everywhere. Why must he go, Mr. Sabre? Why must he go? I
don't understand this war at all." Her voice trailed off. Her hands
fumbled on her lap. A tear fell on them. She brushed at it with a
fumbling motion but it remained there.
Young Perch took her hand and fondled it. Sabre saw the wrinkled,
fumbling old hand between the strong brown fingers. "That's all right,
Mother. Of course, you don't understand it. That's just it. You think
I'm going out to fighting and all that. And I'm just going into a
training camp here in England for a bit. And before Christmas it will
all be over and I shall come flying back and we'll send Miss Bright
toddling off home and—Don't cry, Mother. Don't cry, Mother. Isn't that
so, Sabre? Just training in England. Isn't that so? Now wherever's your
old handkerchief got to? Look here; here's mine. Look, this is the one
I chose that day with you in Tidborough. Do you remember what a jolly
tea we had that day? Remember what a laugh we had over that funny
teapot. There, let me wipe them, Mother...."
Sabre turned away. This frightful war....
This frightful war! On his brain like a weight. On his heart like a
pressing hand.
Came Christmas by which, at the outset, everybody knew it would be over,
and it was not over. Came June, 1915, concerning which, at the outset,
he had joined with Mr. Fortune, Twyning and Harold in laughter at his
own grotesque idea of the war lasting to the dramatic effect of a
culminating battle on the centenary of Waterloo, and the war had lasted,
and was still lasting.
"This frightful war!" The words were constantly upon his lips,
ejaculated to himself in reception of new manifestations of its
eruptions; forever in his mind, like a live thing gnawing there. Other
people seemed to suffer the war in spasms, isolated amidst the round of
their customary routines, of dejection or of optimistic reassurance. The
splendid sentiment of "Business as usual" was in many valiant mouths.
The land, in so far as provisions and prices were concerned, continued
to flow in milk and honey as the British Isles had always flowed in milk
and honey. In July a rival multiple grocer's shop opened premises
opposite the multiple grocer's shop already established in the shopping
centre of the Garden Home and Mabel told Sabre how very exciting it was.
The rivals piled their windows, one against the other, with stupendous
stacks of margarine and cheese at sevenpence the pound each; and then
one day, "Whatever do you think?" the new man interspersed his mountains
of margarine and cheese with wooden bowls running over with bright new
pennies, and flamed his windows with announcements that this was "The
Money-back Shop." You bought a pound of margarine for sevenpence and
were handed a penny with your purchase! And the next day, "Only fancy!"
the other man also had bright new pennies (in bursting bags from the
bank) and also bellowed that he too was a Money-back Shop.
"The fact is the war really hasn't mattered a bit," Mabel said. "I think
it's wonderful. And when you remember at the beginning how people rushed
to buy up food and what awful ideas of starvation went about; you were
one of the worst."
And Sabre agreed that it really was wonderful: and agreed too with
Mabel's further opinion that he really ought not to get so fearfully
depressed.
But he remained fearfully depressed. The abundance of food, and such
manifestations of plenty as the bowls and bags of bright new pennies
meant nothing to him. He knew nothing about war. Very possibly the
prophecies of shortage and restrictions and starvation were, in the
proof, to be refuted as a thousand other prophecies of the early days,
optimistic and pessimistic, were being refuted. What had that to do with
it? Remained the frightful facts that were going on out there in Belgium
and in Gallipoli and in Russia. Remained the increasing revelation of
Germany's enormous might in war and the revelation of what war was as
she conducted it. Remained the sinister revelation that we were not
winning as in the past we had "always won." Remained his envisagement of
England—England!—standing four-square to her enemies, but standing as
some huge and splendid animal something bewildered by the fury of the
onset upon it. Shaking her head whereon had fallen stunning and
unexpected blows, as it might be a lion enormously smashed across the
face; roaring her defiance; baring her fangs; tearing up the ground
before her; dreadful and undaunted and tremendous; but stricken; in sore
agony; in heavy amazement; her pride thrust through with swords; her
glory answered by another's glory; her dominion challenged; shaken,
bleeding.
England.... This frightful war!
Remained also, blowing about the streets, in the newspapers and at
meetings, in the mouths of many, and in the eyes of most, the new
popular question, "Why aren't you in khaki?" The subject of age, always
shrouded in a seemly and decorous modesty in England, and especially
since, a few years previously, an eminent professor of medicine had
unloosed the alarming theory of "Too old at forty", was suddenly ripped
out of its prudish coverings. One generation of men began to talk with
thoroughly engaging frankness and largeness about their age. They would
even announce it in a loud voice in crowded public conveyances. It was
nothing, in those days, to hear a man suddenly declare in an omnibus or
tramway car, "Well, I'm thirty-eight and I only wish to heaven I was a
few years younger." Other men would heartfully chime in, "Ah, same thing
with me. It's hard." And all these men, thus cruelly burdened with a few
more years than the age limit, would look with great intensity at other
men, apparently not thus burdened, who for their part would assume
attitudes of physical unfitness or gaze very sternly out of the window.
Several of the younger employees of Fortune, East and Sabre's joined up
(as the current phrase had it) in the first weeks of the war. In the
third month Mr. Fortune assembled the hands and from across the
whale-like front indicated the path of duty and announced that the
places of all those who followed it would be kept open for them. "Hear,
hear!" said Twyning. "Hear, hear!" and as the men were filing out he
took Sabre affectionately by the arm and explained to him that young
Harold was dying to go. "But I feel a certain duty is due to the firm,
old man. What I mean is, that the boy's only just come here and I feel
that in my position as a partner it wouldn't look well for me
practically with my own hand to be paying out unearned salary to a chap
who'd not been four months in the place. Don't you agree, old man?"
Sabre said, "But we wouldn't be paying him, would we? Fortune said
salaries of married men."
"Ah, yes, old man, but between you and me he's going to do it for
unmarried men as well, as the cases come up."
"Why didn't he tell them so?"
Twyning's genial expression hardened under these questions, but he said,
still on his first note of confidential affection, "Ah, because he
thinks they ought to do their duty without being bribed. Quite right,
too. No, it's a difficult position for me. My idea is not to give way to
the boy's wishes for a few months while he establishes his position
here, and then, if men are still wanted, why of course he'll go. Sound,
don't you think, old man?"
Sabre disengaged his arm and turned into his own room. "Well, I think
this is a business in which you can't judge any one. I think every man
is his own judge."
An astonishing rasp came into Twyning's voice. "How old are you?"
"Thirty-six. Why?"
Twyning laughed away the rasp. "Ah, I'm older. I daresay you'll have a
chance later on, if the Times and the Morning Post and those class
papers have their way. And you've got no family, have you, old man?"
That was in the third month of the war. But by June, 1915, the position
on these little points had hardened. In June, "Why aren't you in khaki?"
was blowing about the streets. Questions looked out of eyes. Certain men
avoided one another. And in June young Harold joined up. Sabre greeted
the news with very great warmth. Towards Harold he had none of the
antipathy that was often aroused in him by Harold's father. He shook the
good-looking young man very heartily by the hand. "By Jove, I'm glad.
Well done, Harold. That's splendid. Jolly good luck to you."
Later in the morning Twyning came in. He entered abruptly. His air, and
when he spoke, his manner, struck Sabre as being deliberately
aggressive. "Well, Harold's gone," he said.
"Yes, I'm jolly glad for the boy's sake. I was just congratulating him.
I think it's splendid of him."
Twyning breathed heavily through his nose. "Splendid? Hur! He wanted to
go long ago. Well, he's gone now and I hope you're satisfied."
Sabre turned in his chair and questioned Twyning with puckered brows.
"Satisfied? What on earth do you mean—satisfied?"
"You always thought he ought to go. You're one of those who've sent him
off. My boy saw it."
"You're talking nonsense. I've never so much as mentioned the subject to
Harold. I told you long ago that I think every man's his own judge, and
sole judge, in this business."
Twyning always retracted when Sabre showed signs of becoming roused.
"Ah, well, what does it matter? He's gone now. He'll be in this precious
khaki to-night. No one can point at him now." He drew out a handkerchief
and wiped his eyes slowly. He stared inimically at Sabre. "I'll tell you
one thing, Sabre. You wait till you've got a son, then you'll think
differently, perhaps. You don't know what my boy means to me. He's
everything in the world to me. I got him in here so as to have him with
me and now this cursed war's taken him. You don't know what he is, my
boy Harold. He's a better man than his father, I'll tell you that. He's
a good Christian boy. He's never had a bad thought or said a bad word."
He broke off. He rammed his handkerchief into his trouser pocket. As
though the sight of Sabre sitting before him suddenly infuriated him he
broke out, "It's all right for you sitting there. You're not going.
Never mind. My boy Harold's gone. You're satisfied. All right."
Sabre got up. "Look here, Twyning, I'm sorry for you about Harold. I
make allowances for you. But—"
When Twyning was angry his speech sometimes betrayed that on which he
was most sensitive. "I don't want you to make no allowances for me. I
don't—"
"You've repeated the stupid implication you made when you first came
in."
Twyning changed to a hearty laugh. "Oh, I say, steady, old man. Don't
let's have a row. Nothing to have a row about, old man. I made no
implication. Whatever for should I? No, no, I simply said 'All right.'
I say people have sent my boy Harold off, and I'm merely saying 'All
right. He's gone. Now perhaps you're satisfied.' Not you, old man. Other
people." He paused. His tone hardened. "All right. That's all, old
man. All right."
Not very long after this incident occurred another incident. In its
obvious aspect it was also related to the "Why aren't you in khaki?"
question; Sabre apprehended in it a different bearing.
One morning he stepped suddenly from his own room into Mr. Fortune's in
quest of a reference. Twyning and Mr. Fortune were seated together in
deep conversation. They were very often thus seated, Sabre had noticed.
At his entry their conversation abruptly ceased; and this also was not
new.
Sabre went across to the filing cabinet without speaking.
Mr. Fortune cleared his throat. "Ah, Sabre. Ah, Sabre, we were just
saying, we were just saying—" His hesitation, and the pause before he
had begun quite clearly informed Sabre that what he was now about to say
was not going to be—precisely—what he had just been saying. "We were
just saying what a very unfortunate thing, what a very deeply
unfortunate thing it is that none of us principals are of an age to do
the right thing by the Firm by joining the Army. I'm afraid we've got
one or two shirkers downstairs, and we were just saying what a splendid,
what an entirely splendid thing it would be if one of us were able to
set them an example."
Sabre faced about from the cabinet towards them. Twyning in the big
chair had his elbow on the arm and was biting his nails. Mr. Fortune,
revolved to face the room, was exercising his watch chain on his
whale-like front.
"Yes, it's a pity," Sabre said.
"I'm glad you agree. I knew you would. Indeed, yes, a pity; a very great
pity. For myself, of course, I'm out of the question. Twyning here is
getting on for forty and of course he's given his son to the war;
moreover, there's the business to be thought of. I'm afraid I'm not
quite able to do all I used to do. You—of course, you're married too,
and there we are! It does, as you say, seem a great pity." The watch
chain, having been generously exercised, was put to the duty of heavy
tugs at its reluctant partner. Mr. Fortune gazed at his watch and
remarked absently, "I hear young Phillips of Brown and Phillips has
persuaded his wife to let him go. You were at the school with him,
Sabre, weren't you? Isn't he about your age?"
Sabre spoke very slowly. Most furious anger had been rising within him.
It was about to burst when there had suddenly come to its control the
thought, "These two aren't getting at you for any love of England, for
any patriotic reason. That's not it. Don't bother about that. Man alive,
don't mix them up in what you feel about these things. Don't go
cheapening what you think about England. Theirs is another reason." He
said very slowly, "I never told you, perhaps I ought to have told you at
the time, that I was refused for the Army some while ago."
Mr. Fortune's watch slipped through his fingers to the full length of
his chain. Twyning got up and went over to a bookcase and stared at it.
Mr. Fortune heaved in the line with an agitated hand over hand motion.
"I'd no idea! My dear fellow, I'd no idea! How very admirable of you!
When was this? After that big meeting in the Corn exchange the other
day?"
"Don't tell them when it was," said Sabre's mind. He said, "No, rather
before that. I was rejected on medical grounds."
"Well, well!" said Mr. Fortune. "Well, well!" He gave the suggestion of
being unable to array his thoughts against this surprising turn of the
day. "Most creditable. Twyning, do you hear that?"
Twyning spun around from the bookcase and came forward. "Eh? Sorry, I'm
afraid I wasn't listening."
"Our excellent Sabre has offered himself for enlistment and been
rejected."
Twyning said, "Have you, by Jove! Jolly good. What bad luck being turned
down. What was it?"
Sabre moved across to his room. "Heart."
"Was it, really? By Jove, and you look fit enough, too, old man. Fancy,
heart! Fancy—Jolly sporting of you. Fancy—Oh, I say, old man, do let's
have a look at your paper if you've got it on you. I want to see one of
those things."
Sabre was at his door. "What paper?"
"Your rejection paper, old man. I've never seen one. Only if you've got
it on you."
"I haven't got one."
"Not got one! You must have, old man."
"Well, I haven't. I was seen privately. I'm rather friendly with them up
at the barracks."
"Oh, yes, of course. Wonder they didn't give you a paper, though."
"Well, they didn't."
"Quite so, old man. Quite so. Funny, that's all."
Sabre paused on the threshold. He perfectly well understood the
villainous implication. Vile, intolerable! But of what service to take
it up?—To hear Twyning's laugh and his "My dear old chap, as if I
should think such a thing!" He passed into his room. The thought he had
had which had arrested his anger at Mr. Fortune's hints, revealing this
incident in another light, was, "They want to get rid of me."
In August, the anniversary month of the war, he again offered himself
for enlistment and was again rejected, but this time after a longer
scrutiny: the standard was not at its first height of perfection.
Earnshaw, Colonel Rattray, all the remnant of his former friends, were
gone to the front: Sabre submitted himself through the ordinary channels
and this time received what Twyning had called his "paper." He did not
show it to Twyning, nor mention either to him or to Mr. Fortune that he
had tried again. "Again! most creditable of you, my dear Sabre." "Again,
have you, though? By Jove, that's sporting of you. Did they give you a
paper this time, old man?" No. Not much. Feeling as he felt about the
war, acutely aware as he was of the partners' interest in the matter,
that, he felt, could not be borne.
But on this occasion he told Mabel.
The war had not altered his relations with Mabel. He had had the feeling
that it ought to bring them closer together, to make her more
susceptible to his attempts to do the right thing by her. But it did not
bring them closer together: the accumulating months, the imperceptibly
increasing strangeness and tension and high pitch of the war atmosphere
increased, rather, her susceptibility to those characteristics of his
which were most impossible to her. He felt things with draught too deep
and with burthen too capacious for the navigability of her mind; and
here was an ever-present thing, this (in her phrase) most unsettling
war, which must be taken (in her view) on a high, brisk note that was as
impossible to him as was his own attitude towards the war to her. The
effect of the war, in this result, was but to sunder them on a new
dimension: whereas formerly he had learned not to join with her on
subjects his feelings about which he had been taught to shrink from
exposing before her, now the world contained but one subject; there was
no choice and there was no upshot but clash of incompatibility. His
feelings were daily forced to the ordeal; his ideas daily exasperated
her. The path he had set himself was not to mind her abuse of his
feelings, and he tried with some success not to mind; but (in his own
expression, brooding in his mind's solitude) they riled her and he had
nothing else to offer her; they riled her and he had set himself not to
rile her. It was like desiring to ease a querulous invalid and having in
the dispensary but a single—and a detested—palliative.
Things were not better; they were worse.—But he made his efforts. The
matter of telling her (when he tried in August) that he thought he ought
to join the Army was one, and it came nearest to establishing pleasant
relations. That it revealed a profound difference of sensibility was
nothing. He blamed himself for causing that side to appear.
Her comment when, on the eve of his attempt, he rather diffidently
acquainted her with his intention, was, "Do you really think you ought
to?" This was not enthusiastic; but he went ahead with it and made a
joke, which amused her, about how funny it would be if she had to start
making "comforts" for him at the War Knitting League which she was
attending with great energy at the Garden Home. He found, as they
talked, that it never occurred to her but that it was as an officer that
he would be going, and something warned him not to correct her
assumption. He found with pleased surprise quite a friendly chat afoot
between them. She only began to fall away in interest when he, made
forgetful by this new quality in their contact, allowed his deeper
feelings to find voice. Once started, he was away before he had realised
it, in how one couldn't help feeling about England and how utterly
glorious would be his own sensations if he could actually get into
uniform and feel that England had admitted him to be a part of her.
She looked at the clock.
His face was reddening in its customary signal of his enthusiasm. He
noticed her glance, but was not altogether checked. He went on quickly,
"Well, look here. I must tell you this. I'll tell you what I'll say to
myself first thing if I really do get in. A thing out of the Psalms. By
Jove, an absolutely terrific thing, Mabel. In the Forty-fifth. Has old
Bag—has Boom Bagshaw told you people up at the church what absolutely
magnificent reading the Psalms are just now, in this war?"
She shook her head. "We sing them every Sunday, of course. But I don't
see how the Psalms—you mean the Bible Psalms, don't you?—can have
anything to do with war."
"Oh, but they have. They're absolutely hung full of it. Half of them are
the finest battle chants ever written. You ought to read them, Mabel;
every one ought to be reading them these days. Well, this verse I'm
telling you about. I say, do listen, I won't keep you a minute. It's in
that one where there comes in a magnificent chant to some princess who
was being brought to marriage to some foreign king—"
Mabel's dispersing attention took arms. "To a princess! However can it
be? It's the Psalms. You do mean the Bible Psalms, don't you?"
He said quickly, "Oh, well, never mind that. Look here, this is it. I
shall say it to myself directly I get in, and then often and often
again. It ought to be printed on a card and given to every recruit. Just
listen:
"Good luck have thou with thine honour; ride on, because of the
word of truth, of meekness and of righteousness: and thy right hand
shall show thee terrible things.
"Isn't that terrific? Isn't it tremendous? By Jove, it—"
For the first time in her married life she looked at him, in this
humour, not distastefully but curiously. His flushed face and shining
eyes! Whatever about? He was perfectly incomprehensible to her. She got
up. She said, "Yes—but 'Ride on'—of course you're not going in the
cavalry, are you?"
He said, "Oh, well. Sorry. It's just a thing, you know. Yes, it's your
bedtime, I'm afraid. I've kept you up, gassing. Well, dream good luck
for me to-morrow."
His thoughts, when she had gone from the room, went, "A better evening!
That's the way! I can do it, you see, if I try. That other thing doesn't
matter. I was a fool to drag that in. She doesn't understand. Yes,
that's the way!"
He sat late, happily. If only he could get past the doctor to-morrow!
That's the way! But on the following evening the way was not to be
recaptured. The old way was restored. He was enormously cast down by his
rejection. When he got back that night he went straight in to her. "I
say, they've rejected me. They won't have me." His face was working.
"It's that cursed heart."
She slightly puckered her brows. "Oh—d'you know, for the minute I
couldn't think what on earth you were talking about. Were you rejected?
Well, I must say I'm glad. Up at the Knitting League Mrs. Turner was
saying her son saw you at the recruiting office after you were rejected
and that it was into the ranks you were going. You never told me that. I
must say I don't think you ought to have thought about the ranks
without telling me. And I wouldn't have liked it. I wouldn't have liked
it at all. I think you ought to be very thankful you were rejected. I'm
sure I am."
He said flatly, "Why are you? Thankful—good lord—you don't
know—what do you mean, I ought to be thankful?"
"Because you ought to be an officer, if you go at all. It's not the
place for you in your position. And apart from anything else—" She gave
her sudden burst of laughter.
He felt arise within him violent and horrible feelings about her. "What
are you laughing at?"
"Well, do just imagine what you'd look like in private soldier's
clothing!" She laughed very heartily again.
He turned away.
Up in his room he began a long letter to Nona, pouring out to her all
his feelings about this second rejection. He was writing to her—and
hearing from her—regularly and frequently now. It was his only vent in
the oppression of these frightful days. She said that it was hers, too.
After that letter of hers, at the outbreak of the war, in which she had
said that she thanked God for him that he had delayed her decision to
unchain their chains and to join their lives, no further reference had
been made by either to that near touch of desire's wand. It was, as he
had said it should be, as though her letter had never been written. And
in her letters she always mentioned Tony. She wrote to Tony every day,
she told him; and there were few of her letters but mentioned a parcel
of some kind sent to her husband. Tony never wrote. Sometimes, she said,
there came a scrap from him relative to some business matter she must
see to; but never any response to her daily budget of gossip—"the kind
of news I know he likes to hear"—or any news of himself and his doings.
She once or twice said, without any comment, "But he is writing often to
Mrs. Stanley and Lady Grace Heddon and Sophie Basildon and I hear bits
of him from them and know he is keeping well. Of course, I pretend to
them that their news is stale to me." Another time, "I've just finished
my budget to Tony," she wrote, "and have sent him two sets of those
patent rubber soles for his boots. Do you think he can get them put on?
Every day I try to think of some new trifle he'd like; and you'd be
shocked, and think I care nothing about the war, at the number of
theatres I make time to go to. You see, it makes something bright and
amusing to tell him, describing the plays. I feel most frightfully that,
although of course my canteen work is useful, the real best thing every
woman can do in this frightful time is to do all she can for her man out
there; and Tony's mine. When this is all over—oh, Marko, is it ever
going to be over?—things will hurt again; but while he's out there the
old things are dead and Tony's mine and England's—my man for England:
that is my thought; that is my pride; that is my prayer."
And a few lines farther on, "And he's so splendid. Of course you can
imagine how utterly splendid he is. Lady King-Warner, his colonel's
wife, told me yesterday her husband says he's brave beyond anything she
could imagine. He said—she's given me his letter—'the men have picked
up from home this story about angels at Mons and are beginning to
believe they saw them. Tybar says he hopes the angels were near him,
because he thought he was in hell, the particular bit he got into, and
he thinks it must be good for angels, enlarging for their minds, to know
what hell is like! As a matter of fact, Tybar himself is nearer to the
superhuman than anything I saw knocking about at Mons. His daring and
his coolness and his example are a byword in a battalion composed, my
dear, with the solitary exception of the writer, entirely of heroes. In
sticky places Tybar is the most wonderful thing that ever happened. I
like to be near him because his immediate vicinity is unquestionably a
charmed circle; and I shudder to be near him because his is always the
worst spot.'
"Can't you imagine him, Marko?"
And always her letters breathed to Sabre his own passionate love of
England, his own poignant sense of possession in her and by her, his own
intolerable aching at the heart at his envisagement of her enormously
beset. They reflected his own frightful oppression and they assuaged it,
as his letters, she told him, assuaged hers, as burdens are assuaged by
mingling of distress. "There is no good news," he told her, "and for me
who can do nothing—and sometimes things are a little difficult with me
here and I suppose that makes it worse—there seems to be no way out.
But your letters are more than good news and more than rescue; they are
courage. Courage is like love, Nona: it touches the spirit; and the
spirit, amazing essence, is like a spring: it is never touched but
it—springs!"
She was working daily at a canteen at Victoria station. She had been on
the night shift "but I can't sleep, I simply cannot sleep nowadays"; and
so, shortly before he wrote to her of his second rejection, she had
changed on to the day shift and at night took out the car to run
arriving men from one terminus to another. "And about twice a week I get
dog-tired and feel sleepy and send the chauffeur with the car and stay
at home and do sleep. It's splendid!"
Northrepps had been handed over to the Red Cross as a military hospital.
Her answer to his letter telling of his second rejection at the
recruiting office—most tender words from her heart to his heart,
comforting his spirit as transfusion of blood from health to sickness
maintains the exhausted body—her reply told him that on that day
fortnight she was coming down to say of his disappointment what she
could so inadequately express in writing. She was going out to war work
in France—in Tony's name she had presented a fleet of ambulance cars to
a Red Cross unit and she was going out to drive one—and she was coming
down to look at things at Northrepps before she left.
On the following day Tidborough, opening its newspapers, shook hands
with itself in all its houses, shops and offices on its own special and
most glorious V.C.,—Lord Tybar.
Tybar's V.C. was the first thing Sabre spoke of to Nona when, a
fortnight later, she came down and he went up to her at Northrepps in
the afternoon. Its brilliant gallantry, rendered so vivid to him by the
intimacy with which he could see that thrice attractive figure engaged
in its performance, stirred him most deeply. He had by heart every line
of its official record in the restrained language of the Gazette.
...The left flank of the position was insecure, and the post, when
taken over, was ill prepared for defence.... When the battalion was
suffering very heavy casualties from a 77mm. field gun at very
close range, Captain Lord Tybar rushed forward under intense
machine gun fire and succeeded in capturing the gun single-handed
after killing the entire crew.... Later, when repeated attacks
developed, he controlled the defence at the point threatened,
giving personal assistance with revolver and bombs....
Single-handed he repulsed one bombing assault.... It was entirely
owing to the gallant conduct of this officer that the situation was
relieved....
Oh, rare and splendid spirit! Fortune's darling thrice worthy of her
dowry!
Nona had written of it in ringing words. She flushed in beautiful ardour
of the enthusiasm she joined with Sabre's at his opening words of their
meeting; but she ended with a sad little laugh. "And then!" she said.
"What do you mean, Nona, 'And then'?"
She took a letter from her bag. "I only got this this morning just as I
was coming away. It's in reply to the one I wrote him about his V.C. Oh,
Marko, so splendid, so utterly splendid as he is, and then to be like
this. Look, he says he's just got leave and he's going to spend it in
Paris! One of his women is there. That Mrs. Winfred. He's taken up with
her again. He says, 'Poor thing. She's all alone in Paris. I know how
sorry you will feel for her, and I feel I ought to go and look after
her. I know you will agree with me. I'll tell her you sent me. That will
amuse and please her so.'"
She touched her eyes with her handkerchief. "It rather hurts, Marko.
It's not that I mind his going. It's just what he would do. But it's the
way he tells me. He just says it like that deliberately to be cruel
because he knows it will hurt. So utterly splendid, Marko, and so
utterly graceless." She gave her little note of sadness again. "Utterly
splendid! Look, this is all he says about his V.C. Isn't this fine and
isn't it like him? He says, 'P.S. Yes, that V.C. business. You know why
I got it, don't you? It stands for Very Cautious, you know.'"
They laughed together. Yes, like him! Tybar exactly! Sabre could see him
writing the letter. Delighting in saying words that would hurt;
delighting in his own whimsicality that would amuse. Splendid; airy,
untouched by fear; untouched by thought; fearless, faithless, heedless,
graceless. Fortune's darling; invested in her robe of mockery.
Nona's laughter ended in a little catch at her breath. He touched her
arm. "Let's walk, Nona."
He thought she was looking thin and done up. Her face had rather a drawn
look, its soft roundness gone. He thought she never had looked so
beautiful to him. She spoke to him of what she had tried to say in her
letters of his disappointments in offering himself for service. Never
had her sweet voice sounded so exquisitely tender to him. They spoke of
the war. Never, but in their letters, had he been able thus to give his
feelings and receive them, touched with the same perceptions, kindled
and enlarged, back into his sympathies again. With others the war was
all discussion of chances and circumstances, of this that had happened
and that that might happen, of this that should be done and that that
ought not to have been done. Laboratory examination of means and
remedies. The epidemic everything and the patient upstairs nothing. The
wood not seen for the trees. With Nona he talked of how he felt of
England:
Dear earth, I do salute thee with my hand.
He told her that.
She nodded. "I know. I know. Say it all through, Marko."
He stumbled through it. At the end, a little abashed, he smiled at her
and said, "Of course, no one else would think it applies. Richard was
saying it in Wales where he'd just landed, and it's about civil war, not
foreign; but where it comes to me is the loving of the soil itself, as
if it were a living thing that knew it was being loved and loved back in
return. Our England, Nona. You remember Gaunt's thing in the same play:
"This royal throne of kings, this sceptre'd isle,
This other Eden, demi-paradise....
This happy breed of men, this little world,
This precious stone set in the silver sea....
This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England...."
She nodded again. He saw that her dear eyes were brimming. She said,
"Yes—yes.—Our England. Rupert Brooke said it just perfectly, Marko:
"And think, this heart, all evil shed, away....
Gives somewhere back the thoughts by England given;
Her sights and sounds; dreams happy as her day;
And laughter, learnt of friends; and gentleness,
In hearts at peace, under an English heaven."
She touched his hand. "Dear Marko—" She made approach to that which lay
between them. "'This heart, all evil shed away.' Marko, in this
frightful time we couldn't have given back the thoughts by England given
if we had.—And that was you, Marko."
He shook his head, not trusting himself to look at her. He said, "You.
Not I. Any one can know the right thing. But strength to do it—Strength
flows out of you to me. It always has. I want it more and more. I shall
want it. Things are difficult. Sometimes I've a frightful feeling that
things are closing in on me. There's Shelley's 'Ode to the West Wind.'
It makes me—I don't know—wrought up. And sometimes I've the feeling
that I'm being carried along like that and towards that frightful cry at
the end, 'O Wind, if winter comes-'"
He stopped. He said, "Give me your handkerchief to keep, Nona. Something
of your own to keep. There will be strength in it for me—to help me
hold on to the rest—to believe it—'If Winter comes—Can Spring be far
behind?'"
She touched her handkerchief to her lips and gave it to him.
After October, especially, he spent never less than two evenings a week
with old Mrs. Perch. In October Young Perch went to France and on his
draft-leave took from Sabre the easy promise to "keep an eye on my
mother." Military training, which to most gave robustness, gave to Young
Perch, Sabre thought, a striking enhancement of the fine-drawn
expression that always had been his. About his eyes and forehead Sabre
apprehended something suggestive of the mystic, spiritually-occupied
look that paintings of the Huguenots and the old Crusaders had; and
looking at him when he came to say good-by, and while he spoke solely
and only of his mother, Sabre remembered that long-ago thought of Young
Perch's aspect,—of his spirit being alighted in his body as a bird on a
twig, not engrossed in his body; a thing death would need no more than
to pluck off between finger and thumb.
But unthinkable, that. Not Young Perch....
Old Mrs. Perch was very broken and very querulous. She blamed Sabre and
she blamed Effie that Freddie had gone to the war. She said they had
leagued with him to send him off. "Freddie I could have managed," she
used to say; "but you I cannot manage, Mr. Sabre; and as for Effie, you
might think I was a child and she was mistress the way she treats me."
Bright Effie used to laugh and say, "Now, you know, Mrs. Perch, you will
insist on coming and tucking me up at night. Now does that look as if
she's the child, Mr. Sabre?"
Mrs. Perch in her dogged way, "If Mr. Sabre doesn't know that you only
permit me to tuck you up one night because I permit you to tuck me up
the next night, the sooner he does know how I'm treated in my own
establishment the better for me."
Thus the initial cause of querulousness would bump off into something
else; and in an astonishing short number of moves Bright Effie would
lead Mrs. Perch to some happy subject and the querulousness would give
place to little rays of animation; and presently Mrs. Perch would doze
comfortably in her chair while Sabre talked to Effie in whispers; and
when she woke Sabre would be ready with some reminiscence of Freddie
carefully chosen and carefully carried along to keep it hedged with
smiles. But all the roads where Freddie was to be found were sunken
roads, the smiling hedges very low about them, the ditches overcharged
with water, and tears soon would come.
She used to doze and murmur to herself, "My boy's gone to fight for his
country. I'm very proud of my boy gone to fight for his country."
Effie said Young Perch had taught her that before he went away.
While they were talking she used to doze and say, "Good morning, Mrs.
So-and-So. My boy's gone to fight for his country. I'm very proud of my
boy gone to fight for his country. Good morning, Mr. So-and-So. My boy's
gone to—He didn't want to go, but I said he must go to fight for his
country.... But that's not true, Freddie.... Oh, very well, dear. Good
morning, Mrs. So-and-So.—"
She used to wake up with a start and say, "Eh, Freddie? Oh, I thought
Freddie was in the room." Tears.
She said she always looked forward to the evenings when Sabre came. She
liked him to sit and talk to Effie and to smoke all the time and knock
out his pipe on the fender. She said it made her think Freddie was
there. Effie said that every night she went into Young Perch's room and
tucked up the bed and set the alarm clock and put the candle and the
matches and one cigarette and the ash-tray by the bed; and every night
in this performance said, "He said he's certain to come in quite
unexpectedly one night, and he will smoke his one cigarette before he
goes to sleep. It's no good my telling him he'll set the house on fire
one night. He never listens to anything I tell him." And every morning,
when Effie took her in a cup of tea very early (as Freddie used to), she
always said, "Has Freddie come home in the night, Effie, dear? Now just
go and knock on his door very quietly and then just peep your head in."
Sabre had always thought Bright Effie would be wonderful with old Mrs.
Perch. He wrote long letters to Young Perch, telling him how much more
than wonderful Bright Effie was. Effie mothered Mrs. Perch and managed
her and humoured her in a way that not even Young Perch himself could
have bettered. In that astounding fund of humour of hers, reflected in
those sparkling eyes, even Mrs. Perch's most querulously violent attacks
were transformed into matter for whimsical appreciation, delightfully
and most lovingly dealt with. When the full, irritable, inconsequent
flood of one of Mrs. Perch's moods would be launched upon her in Sabre's
presence, she would turn a dancing eye towards him and immediately she
could step into the torrent and would begin, "Now, look here, Mrs.
Perch, you know perfectly well—"; and in two minutes the old lady would
be mollified and happy.
Marvellous Effie! Sabre used to think; and of course it was because her
astounding fund of humour was based upon her all-embracing capacity for
love. That was why it was so astounding in its depth and breadth and
compass. Sabre liked immensely the half-whispered talks with her while
Mrs. Perch dozed in her chair. Effie was always happy. Nothing of that
wanting something look was ever to be seen in Effie's shining eyes. She
had the secret of life. Watching her face while they talked, he came to
believe that the secret, the thing missing in half the faces one saw,
was love. But—the old difficulty—many had love; himself and Nona; and
yet were troubled.
One evening he asked her a most extraordinary question, shot out of him
without intending it, discharged out of his questing thoughts as by a
hidden spring suddenly touched by groping fingers.
"Effie, do you love God?"
Her surprise seemed to him to be more at the thing he had asked than at
its amazing unexpectedness and amazing irrelevancy. "Why, of course I
do, Mr. Sabre."
"Why do you?"
She was utterly at a loss. "Well, of course I do."
He said rather sharply, "Yes, but why? Have you ever asked yourself
why? Respecting, fearing, trusting, that's understandable. But love,
love, you know what love is, don't you? What's love got to do with
God?"
She said in simple wonderment, as one asked what had the sun to do with
light, or whether water was wet, "Why, God is love."
He stared at her.
The second Christmas of the war came. The evening before the last day of
the Old Year was to have given Sabre a rare pleasure to which he had
been immensely looking forward. He was to have spent it with Mr. Fargus.
The old chess and acrostic evenings hardly ever happened now. Mr.
Fargus, most manifestly unfitted for the exposures of such a life, had
become a special constable. He did night duty in the Garden Home. He
chose night duty, he told Sabre, because he had no work to do by day and
could therefore then take his rest. Younger men who were in offices and
shops hadn't the like advantage. It was only fair he should help in the
hours help was most wanted. Sabre said it would kill him in time, but
Mrs. Fargus and the three Miss Farguses still at home replied, when
Sabre ventured this opinion to them, that Papa was much stronger than
any one imagined, also that they agreed with Papa that one ought to do
in the war, not what one wanted to do, but what was most required to be
done; finally that, being at home by day, Papa could help, and liked
helping, in the many duties about the house now interfered with by the
enlistment of the entire battalion of female Farguses in work for the
war. One detachment of female Farguses had leapt into blue or khaki
uniforms and disappeared into the voracious belly of the war machine;
the remainder of the battalion thrust their long legs into breeches and
boots and worked at home as land girls. Little old Mr. Fargus in his
grey suit, and the startled child Kate with one hand still up her back
in search of the errant apron string "did" what the battalion used to do
and were nightly, on the return of the giant land girls, shown how
shockingly they had done it.
Rare, therefore, the old chess and acrostic evenings and most keenly
anticipated, accordingly, this—the first for a fortnight—on the eve of
New Year's Eve. It was to have been a real long evening; but it proved
not very long. It was to have been one in which the war should be shut
out and forgotten in the delights of mental twistings and slowly puffed
pipes; it proved to be one in which "this frightful war!" was groaned
out of Sabre's spirit in emotion most terrible to him.
At ten o'clock profound gymnastics of the mind in search of a hidden
word beginning with e and ending with l were interrupted by the entry of
the startled Kate. One hand writhed between her shoulders for the apron
string, the other held a note. "Please, Mr. Sabre, I think it's for you,
Mr. Sabre. A young boy took it to your house and said you was to have it
most particular, and please, your Rebecca sent him on here, please."
"For me? Who on earth—?"
He opened it. He did not recognise the writing on the envelope. He had
not the remotest idea—It was a jolly evening.... could Enamel be that
word in e and l? He unfolded it. Ah!
"Freddie's killed. Please do come at once. I think she's
dying.—E.B."
He was alone in the room where Mrs. Perch lay,—not even Effie. One
o'clock. This war! He had thought to shut it away for a night, and here
was the inconceivable occupation to which it had brought him: alone in
here—
The doctor had been and was coming again in the morning. There was
nothing to be done, he had said; just watch her.
Watch her? How long had he been standing at the foot of the huge
bed—the biggest bed he had ever seen—and what was there to watch? She
gave no sign. She scarcely seemed to breathe. He would not have
recognised her face. It had the appearance of a mask. "Sinking," the
doctor had said. In process here before his eyes, but not to be seen by
them, awful and mysterious things. Death with practised fingers about
his awful and mysterious surgery of separating the spirit from the
flesh, the soul from the body, the incorruptible from the corruptible.
It could not be! There was not a sign; there was not a sound; and what
should he be doing to be alone here, blind watcher of such a finality?
It was not real. It was an hallucination. He was not really here. The
morning—and days and weeks and years—would come, and he would know
that this never had really happened.
But Young Perch was dead. Young Perch was killed. It was real. He was
here. This war!
He had gone downstairs with the doctor and had remained there some
little time after his departure. Effie had been left kneeling by the
bed. When he came back she was sound asleep where she knelt, worn out.
The news had come on the previous evening. This was Effie's second night
without sleep. Now she was overcome; collapsed; suffocated and bound and
gagged in the opiates and bonds she had for thirty hours resisted. He
touched her. She did not stir. He shook her gently; still no response.
He lifted her up and carried her along the passage to the room he knew
to be hers; laid her on her bed and covered her with a quilt.
Inconceivable occupation. Was all this really happening?
Two o'clock. He went to look at Effie, still in profound slumber. Why
awaken her? Nothing could be done; only watch. He returned to his vigil.
Yes, Mrs. Perch was sinking. More pronounced now that masklike aspect of
her face. Yes, dying. He spoke the word to himself. "Dying." As of a
fire in the grate gone to one dull spark among the greying ashes.—It is
out; it cannot burn again. So life here too far retired, too deeply sunk
to struggle back and vitalise again that hue, those lips, that masklike
effigy.
Profound and awful mystery. Within that form was in process a most
dreadful activity. The spirit was preparing to vacate the habitation it
had so long occupied. It gave no sign. The better to hide its
preparations it had drawn that mask about the face. Seventy years it had
sojourned here; now it was bound away. Seventy years it had been known
to passers-by through the door and windows of this its habitation; now,
deeply retired within the inner chambers, it set its house in order to
be gone. Profound and awful mystery. Dreadful and momentous activity.
From the windows of her eyes turning off the lights; from the engines of
her powers cutting off its forces; drawing the furnaces; dissevering the
contacts. A lifetime within this home; now passenger into an eternity. A
lifetime settled; now preparing to be away on a journey inconceivably
tremendous, unimaginably awful. Did it shrink? Did it pause in its
preparations to peer and peep and shudder?
He felt very cold. He moved from the bed and replenished the fire and
crouched beside it.
This war! He said beneath his breath, "Young Perch! Young Perch!" Young
Perch was killed. Realise the thing! He was never going to see Young
Perch again. He was never going to see old Mrs. Perch again. He was
never to come into Puncher's again. Another place of his life was to be
walled up. His home like an empty house; the office like an empty house;
now no refuge here. Things were crowding in about him, things were
closing in upon him. And he was just to live on here, out of the war,
yet insupportably beset by the war. Beset by the war yet useless in the
war. Young Perch! How in pity was he to go on living out of the war, now
that the war had taken Young Perch and killed old Mrs. Perch and shut
this refuge from its oppression? He must get in. He could not endure it.
He could not, could not....
Ten minutes past three. There was perceptible to him no change in that
face upon the pillow. He brought a lamp from the dressing table and
looked at her, shading the light with his hand. Impenetrable mask!
Profound and awful mystery. Much more than a house that dreadfully
engrossed spirit was preparing to leave. This meagre form, scarcely
discernible beneath the coverlet, had been its fortress, once new, once
strong, once beautiful, once by its garrison proudly fought, splendidly
defended, added to, enlarged, adorned. Then past its glory, past
attention. Then crumbling, then decaying. Now to be abandoned. It had
known great stresses and abated them; sieges and withstood them;
assaults and defeated them. O vanity! It had but temporised with
conquest. Time's hosts had camped these many years about its walls, in
ceaseless investment, with desultory attacks, but with each attack
investing closer. Now a most terrible assault had breached the citadel.
The garrison was stricken amain. The fortress no longer could be
defended. Its garrison was withdrawing from that place and handing it
over to destruction.
There was some strange sound in the room. He had dozed in a chair. Some
strange sound, or had he imagined it? He sat up tensely and listened. It
was her breathing, a harsh and laboured sound. He stepped quickly to the
bed and looked and then ran into the passage and called loudly, "Effie!
Effie!"
Frightening, terrible, agonising. He was kneeling on one side of the
bed, Effie at the other. The extreme moment was come to her that lay
between them. She was moaning. He bowed his face into his hands. The
sound of her moaning was terrible to him. That inhabitant of this her
body had done its preparations and now stood at the door in the
darkness, very frightened. It wanted to go back. It had been very
accustomed to being here. It could not go back. It did not want to shut
the door. The door was shutting. It stood and shrank and whimpered
there.
Oh, terrible! Beyond endurance, agonising. It was old Mrs. Perch that
stood there whimpering, shrinking, upon the threshold of that huge
abyss, wide as space, dark as night. It was no spirit. It was just that
very feeble Mrs. Perch with her fumbling hands and her moving lips. Look
here, Young Perch would never allow her even to cross a road without
him! How in pity was she to take this frightful step? He twisted up all
his emotions into an appeal of tremendous intensity. "Young Perch! Come
here! Your mother! Young Perch, come here!"
Telling it, once, to Nona, he said, "I don't know what happened. They
talk about self-hypnotism. Perhaps it was that. I know I made a most
frightful effort saying 'Young Perch.' I had to. I could see her—that
poor terrified thing. Something had to be done. Some one had to go to
her. I said it like in a nightmare, bursting to get out of it, 'Young
Perch. Come here.' Anyway, there it is, Nona. I heard them. It was
imagination, of course. But I heard them."
He heard, "Now then, Mother! Don't be frightened. Here I am, Mother.
Come on, Mother. One step, Mother. Only one. I can't reach you. You must
take just one step. Look, Mother, here's my hand. Can't you see my
hand?"
"It's so dark, Freddie."
"It's not, Mother. It's only dark where you are. It's light here. Don't
cry, Mother. Don't be frightened. It's all right. It's quite all right."
That tall and pale young man, with his face like one of the old
Huguenots! That very frail old woman with her fumbling hands and moving
lips!
"It's so cold."
"Now, Mother, I tell you it isn't. Do just trust me. Do just come."
"I daren't, Freddie. I can't, Freddie. I can't. I can't."
"You must. Mother, you must. Look, look, here I am. It's I, Freddie.
Don't cry, Mother. Just trust yourself entirely to me. You know how you
always can trust me. Look, here's my hand. Just one tiny step and you
will touch it. I know you feel ill, darling Mother. You won't any, any
more, once you touch my hand. But I can't come any nearer, dearest. You
must. You—. Ah, brave, beloved Mother—now!"
He heard Effie's voice, "Oh, she's dead! She's dead!"
Dead? He stared upon her dead face. Where was gone that mask? Whence had
come this glory? That inhabitant of this her body, in act of going had
looked back, and its look had done this thing. It had closed the door
upon a ruined house, and looked, and left a temple. It had departed from
beneath a mask, and looked, and that which had been masked now was
beatified.
Young Perch!
In the morning a mysterious man with a large white face, crooked
spectacles and a crooked tie, and a suggestion of thinking all the time
of something else, or of nothing at all, mysteriously drifted into the
house, drifted about it with apparent complete aimlessness of purpose,
and presently showed himself to Sabre as about to drift out of it again.
This was the doctor, a stranger, one of those new faces which the war,
removing the old, was everywhere introducing, and possessed of a
mysterious and astounding faculty of absorbing, resolving, and
subjugating all matters without visibly attending to any matter. "Leave
everything to me," it was all he seemed to say. He did nothing yet
everything seemed to come to his hand with the nicety and exactness of a
drawing-room conjurer. He bewildered Sabre.
His car left and returned during his brief visit. Sabre, who had thought
him upstairs, and who had a hundred perplexities to inquire of him,
found him in the hall absorbed in adjusting the weights of a
grandfather's clock.
He remarked to Sabre, "I thought you'd gone. You'd better get off and
get a bath and some breakfast. Nothing you can do here. Leave everything
to me."
"But, look here, I can't leave—"
"That's all right. Just leave everything to me. I'm taking Miss Bright
back to my wife for breakfast and a rest. After lunch I'll run her to
her home. She can't stay here. Have you any idea how this thing hooks
on?"
"But what about—"
The extraordinary man seemed to know everything before it was said.
"That's all right. I've sent for a woman and her daughter. Leave
everything to me. Here's the car. Here they are."
Two women appeared.
"But about—"
"Yes, that's all right. The poor old lady's brother is coming down.
He'll take charge. I found his name in her papers last night.
Telegraphed." He was looking through the door. "Here's the answer."
A telegraph messenger appeared.
Astounding man!
He read the telegram. "Yes, that's all right. He'll be here by the
eleven train at Tidborough. I'll take Miss Bright now."
Effie appeared.
Sabre had the feeling that if he opened the next thought in his mind, an
undertaker would rise out of the ground with a coffin. This astonishing
man, coming upon his overwrought state, made him feel hysterical. He
turned to Effie and gave her both his hands. "The doctor's taking you,
Effie. It's been dreadful for you. It's all over now. Try to leave it
out of your mind for a bit."
She smiled sadly. "Good-by, Mr. Sabre. Thank you so much, so very much,
for coming and staying. What I should have done without you I daren't
think. I've never known any one so good as you've been to me."
"I've done nothing, Effie, except feel sorry for you."
He saw her into the car. No, he would not take a lift.
"Well, leave everything to me," said the doctor. The chauffeur spoke to
him about some engine trouble. "Yes, I'll see to that. Leave everything
to me, Jenkins."
Even his car!
Sabre, passed on from the ordeal of the night to the ordeal of the day
by this interlude of the astonishing doctor, did not know how
overwrought he was until he was at home again and come to Mabel seated
at breakfast. The thought in his mind as he walked had been the thought
in his mind as he had sat on after the death, waiting for morning. After
this, after the war had done this, how was he to go on enduring the war
and refused part in it? He dreaded meeting Mabel. He dreaded going on to
the office and meeting Fortune and Twyning. To none of these people, to
no one he could meet, could he explain how he felt about Young Perch and
what he had gone through with Mrs. Perch, nor why, because of what he
felt, more poignant than ever was his need to get into the war. And yet
with these feelings he must go on facing these people and go on meeting
the war in every printed page, in every sight, in every conversation.
Unbearable! He could not.
Mabel looked up from her breakfast. "Well, I do think—"
This was the beginning of it. He felt himself digging his nails into the
palms of his hands. "I've been up with old Mrs. Perch—"
"I know you have. I sent around to the Farguses. I must say I do
think—"
He felt he could not bear it. "Mabel, look here. For goodness' sake
don't say you do think I ought to have let you know. I know I ought but
I couldn't. And I'm not in a state to go on niggling about it. Young
Perch is killed and his mother's dead. Now for goodness' sake, for
pity's sake, let it alone. I couldn't send and there's the end of it."
He went out of the room. He thought, "There you are! Now I've done it!"
He went back. "I say, I'm sorry for bursting out like that; but I've had
rather a night of it. It's terrible, isn't it, both of them like that?
Aren't you awfully sorry about it, Mabel?"
She said, "I'm very sorry. Very sorry indeed. But you can't expect me to
say much when you speak in that extraordinary manner."
"I was with her when she died. It's upset me a bit."
"I don't wonder. If you ask me, I think it was very extraordinary your
being there. If you ask me, I think it was very funny of that Miss
Bright sending for you at that hour of the night. Whyever should she
send for you of all people?"
"I was their greatest friend."
"Yes, I know you always liked them. But you couldn't be of any use. I
must say I do think people are very funny sometimes. If Miss Bright had
done the right thing, as we are their nearest neighbors, she would have
sent and asked me if I could let one of the maids go over and be with
her. Then you could have gone up too if you'd wished and could have
come back again. I don't think she had any right to send for you."
He had sat down and was about to pour himself out some tea. He put down
the teapot and got up. "Look here, do me a favour. They're dead, both of
them. Don't say anything more about them. Don't mention the subject
again. For God's sake."
He went out of the house and got his bicycle and set out for the office.
At the top of the Green he passed young Pinnock, the son of Pinnock's
Stores. Some patch of colour about young Pinnock caught his eye. He
looked again. The colour was a vivid red crown on a khaki brassard on
the young man's arm. The badge of the recruits enrolled under the Derby
enlistment scheme. He dismounted. "Hullo, Pinnock. How on earth did you
get that armlet?"
"I've joined up."
"But I thought you'd been rejected about forty times. Haven't you got
one foot in the grave or something?"
Young Pinnock grinned hugely. "Don't matter if you've got both feet in,
or head and shoulders neither, over at Chovensbury to-day, Mr. Sabre.
It's the last day of this yer Derby scheme, an' there's such a rush of
chaps to get in before they make conscripts of 'em they're fair letting
anybody through."
Sabre's heart—that very heart!—bounded with an immense hope. "D'you
think it's the same at Tidborough?"
"They're saying it's the same everywhere. They say they're passing you
through if you can breathe. I reckon that's so at Chovensbury anyway.
Why, they didn't hardly look at me."
Sabre turned his front wheel to the Chovensbury road. "I'll go there."
At Chovensbury the recruiting station was in the elementary schools.
Sabre entered a large room filled with men in various stages of
dressing, odorous of humanity, very noisy. It was a roughish collection:
the men mostly of the labouring or artisan classes. At a table in the
centre two soldiers with lance corporal's stripes were filling up blue
forms with the answers to questions barked out at the file of men who
shuffled before them. As each form was completed, it was pushed at the
man interrogated with "Get undressed."
Sabre took his place in the chain. In one corner of the room a doctor in
uniform was testing eyesight. Passed on from there each recruit joined a
group wearing only greatcoat or shirt and standing about a stove near
the door. At intervals the door opened and three nude men, coat or shirt
in hand, entered, and a sergeant bawled, "Next three!"
Sabre was presently one of the three. Of the two who companioned him one
was an undersized little individual wearing a truss, the other appeared
to be wearing a suit of deep brown tights out of which his red neck and
red hands thrust conspicuously. Sabre realised with a slight shock that
the brown suit was the grime of the unbathed. Across the passage another
room was entered. The recruits dropped their final covering and were
directed, one to two sergeants who operated weights, a height gauge and
a measuring tape; another to an officer who said, "Stand on one leg.
Bend your toes. Now on the other. Toes. Stretch out your arms. Work your
fingers. Squat on your heels." The third recruit went to an officer who
dabbed chests with a stethoscope and said, "Had any illnesses?" When the
recruit had passed through each performance he walked to two officers
seated with enrolment forms at a table, was spoken to, and then
recovered his discarded garment and walked out. The whole business took
about three minutes. They were certainly whizzing them through.
Sabre came last to the officer with the stethoscope. He was just
polishing off the undersized little man with the truss. "Take that thing
off. Cough. How long have you had this? Go along." He turned to Sabre,
dabbed perfunctorily at his lungs, then at his heart. "Wait a minute."
He applied his ear to the stethoscope again. Then he looked up at
Sabre's face. "Had any illnesses?" "Not one in my life." "Shortness of
breath?" "Not the least. I was in the XV at school." Sabre's voice was
tremulous with eagerness. The doctor's eyes appeared to exchange a
message with him. They gave the slightest twinkle. "Go along."
He went to the table where sat the two officers with the paper forms.
"Name?" "Sabre." The officer nearer him drew a form towards him and
poised a fountain pen over it. Sabre felt it extraordinarily odd to be
standing stark naked before two men fully dressed. In his rejection at
Tidborough the time before this had not happened.
"Any complaints?"
Sabre was surprised at such consideration. He thought the reference was
to his treatment during examination. "No."
The officer, who appeared to be short-tempered, glanced again at the
form and then looked quickly at him. "Absolutely nothing wrong with
you?"
"Oh, I thought you meant—"
The officer was short-tempered. "Never mind what you thought. You
hear what I'm asking you, don't you?"
It was Sabre's first experience of a manner with which he was to become
more familiar. "Sorry. No, nothing whatever."
The fountain pen made a note. "Get off."
He could have shouted aloud. He thought, "By God!"
In the dressing room a sergeant bawled, "All recruits!"—paused and
glared about the room and drew breath for further discharge. This
mannerism Sabre was also to become accustomed to: in the Army, always
"the cautionary word" first when an order was given. The sergeant then
discharged: "All recruits past the doctor proceed to the room under this
for swearing in. When sworn, to office adjoining for pay, card and
armlet. And get a move on with it!"
The most stupendously elated man in all England was presently riding to
Penny Green on Sabre's bicycle. On his arm blazed the khaki brassard, in
the breast pocket of his waistcoat, specially cleared to give private
accommodation to so glorious a prize, were a half-crown and two pennies,
the most thrillingly magnificent sum he had ever earned,—his army pay.
His singing thought was, "I'm in the Army! I'm in the Army! I don't care
for anything now. By gad, I can't believe it. I'm in the war at last!"
His terrific thought was, "Good luck have thee with thine honour; ride
on ... and thy right hand shall show thee terrible things."
He burst into the house and discharged the torrent of his elation on to
Mabel. "I say, I'm in the Army. They've passed me. Look here! Look at my
Derby armlet! And look at this. That's my pay! Just look, Mabel—two and
eightpence."
He extended the coins to her in his hand. "Look!"
She gave her sudden burst of laughter. "How perfectly ridiculous! Two
and eightpence! Whyever did you take it?"
"Take it? Why, it's my pay. My army pay. I've never been so proud of
anything in my life. I'll keep these coins forever. Where shall I put
them?" He looked around for a shrine worthy enough. "No, I can't put
them anywhere yet. I want to keep looking at them. I say, you're glad
I'm in, aren't you? Do say something."
She gave her laugh. "But you're not in. You do get so fearfully excited.
After all, it's only this Lord Derby thing where they call the men up in
age classes, the papers say. Yours can't come for months. You may not go
at all."
He dropped the coins slowly into his pocket,—chink, chink, chink. "Oh,
well, if that's all you've got to say about it."
"Well, what do you expect? You just come rushing in and telling me
without ever having said a word that you were going. And for that matter
you seem to forget the extraordinary way in which you went off this
morning. I haven't."
"I had forgotten. I was upset. I went off, I know; but I don't
remember—"
"No, you only swore at me; that's all."
"Mabel, I'm sure I didn't."
"You bawled out, 'For God's sake.' I call that swearing. I don't mind.
It's not particularly nice for the servants to hear, but I'm not saying
anything about that."
His brows were puckered up. "What is it you are saying?"
"I'm simply saying that, behaving like that, it's not quite fair to
pretend that I'm not enthusiastic enough for you about this Lord Derby
thing. It isn't as if you were really in the Army—"
He wished not to speak, but he could not let this go. "But I am in."
"Yes, but not properly in—yet. And perhaps you won't ever be. It
doesn't seem like being in to me. That's all I'm saying. Surely there's
no harm in that?"
He was at the window staring out into the garden. "No, there's no harm
in it."
"Well, then. What are we arguing about it for?"
He turned towards her. "Well, but do understand, Mabel. If you think I
was a fool rushing in like that, as you call it. Do understand. It's a
Government scheme. It's binding. It isn't a joke."
"No, but I think they make it a joke, and I can't think why you can't
see the funny side of it. I think giving you two and eightpence like
that—a man in your position—is too lovely for words."
He took the coins from his pocket, and jerked them on the table before
her. "Here, pay the butcher with it."
But as he reached the door, his face working, the tremendous and
magnificent thought struck into his realisation again. "I'm in the Army!
By gad, I'm in the Army. I don't care what happens now." He strode back,
smiling, and took up the money. "No, I'm dashed if I can let it go!" He
went out jingling it and turned into the kitchen. "I say, High, Low, I'm
in the Army! I've got in. I'll be off soon. Look at my badge!"
They chorused, "Well, there now!"
He said delightedly, "Pretty good, eh? Isn't it fine! Look at
this—that's my pay. Two and eightpence!"
The chorus, "Oh, if ever!"
High Jinks said, "That armlet, sir, that's too loose. It don't half show
down on your elbow, sir. You want it up here."
"Yes, that's the place. Won't it stay?"
"I'll put a safety pin in, sir; and then to-night shift the buttons.
That's what it wants."
"Yes, do, High. That's fine."
He held out his arm and the two girls pinned to advantage the splendid
sign of his splendid triumph.
"There, sir. Now it shows. And won't we be proud of you, just, in khaki
and all!"
He laughed delightedly. "I'm jolly proud of myself, I tell you! Now,
then, Thumbs, I don't want bayonets in me yet!"
Glorious! Glorious! And what would not Nona say!
Life, when it takes so giant a hand in its puppet show as to upturn a
cauldron of world war upon the puppets, may be imagined biting its
fingers in some chagrin at the little result in particular instances. As
vegetation beneath snow, so individual development beneath universal
calamity. Nature persists; individual life persists. The snow melts, the
calamity passes; the green things spring again, the individual lives are
but approached more nearly to their several destinations.
Sabre was called up in his Derby Class within eight weeks of his
enrolment,—at the end of February, 1916. He was nearly two years in the
war; but his ultimate encounter with life awaited him, and was met, at
Penny Green. It might have been reached precisely as it was reached
without agency of the war, certainly without participation in it. Of the
interval only those few events ultimately mattered which had connection
with his life at home. They seemed in the night of the war transient as
falling stars; they proved themselves lodestars of his destiny. They
seemed nothing, yet even as they flashed and passed he occupied himself
with them as the falling star catches the attention from all the fixed
and constant. They were of his own life: the war life was life in exile.
And, caught up at last in the enormous machinery of the war, his
feelings towards the war underwent a great change. First in the training
camp in Dorsetshire, afterwards, and much more so, in the trenches in
Flanders, it was only by a deliberate effort that he would recapture,
now and then, the old tremendous emotions in the thought of England
challenged and beset. He turned to it as stimulant in moments of
depression and of dismay, in hours of intense and miserable loathing of
some conditions of his early life in the ranks, and later in hours when
fatigue and bodily discomfort reached degrees he had not believed it
possible to endure—and go on with. He turned to it as stimulant and it
never failed of its stimulation. "I'm in it. What does this matter?
This is the war. It's the war. Those infernal devils.... If these
frightful things were being done in England! Imagine if this was in
England! Thank God I'm in it. There you are! I'm absolutely all right
when I remember why I'm here." And enormous exaltation of spirit would
lift away the loneliness, remove the loathing, banish the exhaustion,
dissipate the fear. The fear—"And thy right hand shall show thee
terrible things"—He was more often than once in situations in which he
knew he was afraid and held fear away only because, with his old habit
of introspection, he knew it for fear,—a horrible thing that sought
mastery of him and by sheer force of mental detachment must be held away
where it could be looked at and known for the vile thing it was. In such
ordeals, in Flanders, he got the habit of saying to himself between his
teeth, "Six minutes, six hours, six days, six months, six years. Where
the hell will I be?" It somehow helped. The six minutes would go, and
one could believe that all the periods would go,—and wonder where they
would find one.
But more than that: now, caught up in the enormous machinery of the war,
he never could accept it, as other men seemed to accept it, as normal
and natural occupation that might be expected to go on for ever and
outside of which was nothing at all. His life was not here; it was at
home. He got the feeling that this business in which he was caught up
was a business apart altogether from his own individual life,—a kind of
trance in which his own life was held temporarily in abeyance, a kind of
transmigration in which he occupied another and a very strange identity:
from whose most strange personality, often so amazingly occupied, he
looked wonderingly upon the identity that was his own, waiting his
return.
And it was when, in thought or fleeting action, he came in touch with
that old, waiting identity, that there happened the things that seemed
transient as falling stars but moved into his horoscope as planets,—and
remained.
He first went to France, in one of the long string of Service battalions
that had sprung out of the Pinks, in the June following his enlistment.
Mabel had not wished to make any change in her manner of life while he
was still in England in training and she did not wish to when, at home
three days on his draft leave, he discussed it with her. She much
preferred, she said, to go on living in her own home. She was altogether
against any idea of going to be with her father at Tidborough, and there
was no cousin "or anybody like that" (her two sisters were married and
had homes of their own) that she would care to have in the house with
her. Relations were all very well in their right place but sharing the
house with you was not their right place. She had plenty to do with her
war work and one thing and another; if, in the matter of obviating
loneliness, she did make any change at all, it might be to get some sort
of paid companion: if you had any one permanently in the house it was
much better to have some one in a dependent position, not as your equal,
upsetting things.
The whole of these considerations were advanced again in a letter which
Sabre received in July and which gave him great pleasure. Mabel had
decided to get a paid companion—it was rather lonely in some ways—and
she had arranged to have "that girl, Miss Bright." Sabre, reading,
exclaimed aloud, "By Jove, that's good. I am glad." And he thought,
"Jolly little Effie! That's splendid." He somehow liked immensely the
idea of imagining Bright Effie about the house. He thought, "I wish she
could have been in long ago, when I was there. It would have made a
difference. Some one between us. We used to work on one another's
nerves. That was our trouble. Pretty little Effie! How jolly it would
have been! Like a jolly little sister."
He puckered his brows a little as he read on to Mabel's further
reflections on the new enterprise: "Of course she's not our class but
she's quite ladylike and on the whole I think it just as well not to
have a lady. It might be very difficult sometimes to give orders to any
one of one's own standing."
He didn't quite like that; but after all it was only just Mabel's way of
looking at things. It was the jolliest possible idea. He wrote back
enthusiastically about it and always after Effie was installed inquired
after her in his letters.
But Mabel did not reply to these inquiries.
He was writing regularly to Nona and regularly hearing from her. He
never could quite make out where she was, addressing her only to her
symbol in the Field post-office. She was car driving and working very
long hours. There was one letter that he never posted but of the
existence of which he permitted himself to tell her. "I carry it about
with me always in my Pay-book. It is addressed to you. If ever I get
outed it will go to you. In it I have said everything that I have never
said to you but that you know without my saying it. There'll be no harm
in your hearing it from my own hand if I'm dead. I keep on adding to it.
Every time we come back into rest, I add a little more. It all could be
said in the three words we have never said to one another. But all the
words that I could ever write would never say them to you as I feel
them. There! I must say no more of it. I ought not to have said so
much."
And she wrote, "Marko, I can read your letter, every line of it. I lie
awake, Marko, and imagine it to myself—word by word, line by line; and
word by word, line by line, in the same words and in the same lines, I
answer it. So when you read it to yourself for me, read it for yourself
from me. Oh, Marko—
"That I ever shall have cause to read it in actual fact I pray God never
to permit. But so many women are praying for so many men, and daily—.
So I am praying beyond that: for myself; for strength, if anything
should happen to you, to turn my heart to God. You see, then I can say,
'God keep you—in any amazement.'"
Early in December he wrote to Mabel:
"A most extraordinary thing has happened. I'm coming home! I shall be
with you almost on top of this. It's too astonishing. I've suddenly been
told that I'm one of five men in the battalion who have been selected to
go home to an Officer Cadet battalion for a commission. Don't jump to
the conclusion that I'm the Pride of the Regiment or anything like
that. It's simply due to two things: one that this is not the kind of
battalion with many men who would think of taking commissions; the other
that both my platoon officer and the captain of my company happen to be
Old Tidburians and, as I've told you, have often been rather decent to
me. So when this chance came along the rest was easy. I know you'll be
glad. You've never liked the idea of my being in the ranks. But it's
rather wonderful, isn't it? I hope to be home on the third and I go to
the Cadet battalion, at Cambridge, on the fifth."
Two days later he started, very high of spirit, for England. As he was
leaving the village where the battalion was resting—his immediate
programme the adventure of "lorry-jumping" to the railhead—the mail
came in and brought him a letter from Mabel. It had crossed his own and
a paragraph in it somehow damped the tide of his spirits.
"I was very much annoyed with Miss Bright yesterday. I had been kept
rather late at our Red Cross Supply Depot owing to an urgent call for
accessories and when I came home I found that Miss Bright had actually
taken what I consider the great liberty of ordering up tea without
waiting for me. I considered it great presumption on her part and told
her so. I find her taking liberties in many ways. It's always the way
with that class,—once you treat them kindly they turn on you. However,
I have, I think, made it quite clear to her that she is not here for the
purpose of giving her own orders and being treated like a princess."
It clouded his excitement. His thought was, "Damn it, I hope she isn't
bullying Effie."
He had the luck almost at once to jump a lorry that would lift him a
long bit on his road, and the driver felicitated him with envious
cheerfulness on being off for "leaf." He would have responded with
immense heartiness before reading that letter. With Mabel's tart
sentences in his mind a certain gloom, a rather vexed gloom, bestrode
him. Her words presented her aspect and her attitude and her atmosphere
with a reminiscent flavour that took the edge off his eagerness for
home. On the road when the lorry had dropped him, on the interminable
journey in the train, on the boat, the feeling remained with him.
England—England!—merged into view across the water, and he was
astonished, as his heart bounded for joy at Folkestone coming into
sight, to realise from what depression of mind it bounded away. He was
ashamed of himself and perturbed with himself that he had not more
relished the journey: the journey that was the most glorious thing in
the dreams of every man in France. He thought, "Well, what am I coming
home to?"
The train went speeding through the English fields,—dear, familiar,
English lands, sodden and bare and unspeakably exquisite to him in their
December mood. He gazed upon them, flooding all his heart out to them.
He thought, "Why should there be anything to make me feel depressed? Why
should things be the same as they used to be? But dash that letter....
Dash it, I hope she's not been bullying that girl."
He made rather a boisterous entry into the house on his arrival,
arriving in the morning before breakfast. He entered the hall just after
eight o'clock and announced himself with a loud, "Hullo, everybody!" and
thumped the butt of his rifle on the floor. An enormous crash in the
kitchen and a shriek of "It's the master!" heralded the tumultuous
discharge upon him of High Jinks and Low Jinks. Effie appeared from the
dining room. He was surrounded and enthusiastically shaking hands.
"Hullo, you Jinkses! Isn't this ripping? By Jove, High—and Low—it's
famous to see you again. Hullo, Effie! Just fancy you being here! How
jolly fine, eh? High Jinks, I want the most enormous breakfast you've
ever cooked. Got any kippers? Good girl. That's the stuff to give the
troops. Where's the Mistress? Not down yet? I'll go up. Low Jinks—Low
Jinks, I'm dashed if you aren't crying! Well, it is jolly nice to see
you again, Low. How's the old bike? Look here, Low, I want the most
boiling bath—"
He broke off. "Hullo, Mabel! Hullo! Did you get my letter? I'm coming
up."
Mabel was in a wrapper at the head of the stairs. He ran up. "I'm simply
filthy. Do you mind?" He took her hand.
She said, "I never dreamt you'd be here at this hour. How are you, Mark?
Yes, I got your letter. But I never expected you till this evening. It's
very annoying that nothing is ready for you. Sarah, something is burning
in the kitchen. I shouldn't stand there, Rebecca, with so much to be
done; and I think you've forgotten your cap. Miss Bright,—oh, she's
gone."
Just the same Mabel! But he wasn't going to let her be the same! He had
made up his mind to that as he had come along with eager strides from
the station. She turned to him and they exchanged their greetings and he
went on, pursuing his resolution, "Look here, I've got a tremendous
idea. When I get through this cadet business I shall have quite a bit of
leave and my Sam Browne belt. I thought we'd go up to town and stick
up at an hotel—the Savoy or somewhere—and have no end of a bust.
Theatres and all the rest of it. Shall we?"
That chilly, vexed manner of hers, caused as he well knew by the uproar
of his arrival, disappeared. "Oh, I'd love to. Yes, do let's. Now you
want a bath, don't you? I'm annoyed there was all that disturbance just
when I was meeting you. I've been having a little trouble lately—"
"Oh, well, never mind that now, Mabel. Come and watch me struggle out of
this pack. Yes, look here, as soon as ever I know for certain when the
course ends we'll write for rooms at the Savoy. I hear you have to do it
weeks ahead. We'll spend pots of money and have no end of a time."
She reflected his good spirits. Ripping! He splashed and wallowed in the
bath, singing lustily one of the songs out there:
"Ho, ho, ho, it's a lovely war!"
But the three days at home were not to go on this singing note. They
were marred by the discovery that his suspicion was well founded; she
was bullying Effie. He began to notice it at once. Effie, with whom he
had anticipated a lot of fun, was different: not nearly so bright;
subdued; her eyes, not always, but only by occasional flashes, sparkling
that intense appreciation of the oddities of life that had so much
attracted him in her. Yes, dash it, Mabel was treating her in a rotten
way. Bullying. No, it was not exactly bullying, it was snubbing, a
certain acid quality always present in Mabel's voice when she addressed
her,—that and a manner of always being what he thought of as "at her."
The girl seemed to have an astonishing number of quite trivial duties to
perform—trivial; there certainly was no suggestion of her being imposed
upon as he had always felt Miss Bypass up at the vicarage was imposed
upon, but Mabel was perpetually and acidly "at her" over one trivial
thing or another. It was forever, "Miss Bright, I think you ought to be
in the morning room, oughtn't you?" "Miss Bright, I really must ask you
not to leave your door open every time you come out of your room. You
know how I dislike the doors standing open." "Miss Bright, if you've
finished your tea, there's really no need for you to remain."
He hated it. He said nothing, but it was often on the tip of his tongue
to say something, and he showed that he intensely disliked it, and he
knew that Mabel knew he disliked it. On the whole it was rather a relief
when the three days were up and he went down to the Cadet battalion at
Cambridge.
In March he came back, a second lieutenant; and immediately, when in
time to come he looked back, things set in train for that ultimate
encounter with life which was awaiting him.
The projected visit to town did not come off. While he was at Cambridge
Mabel wrote to say that the Garden Home Amateur Dramatic Society was
going to do "His Excellency The Governor" in aid of the Red Cross funds
at the end of March. She was taking part, she was fearfully excited
about it, and as rehearsals began early in the month she naturally could
not be away. She was sure he would understand and would not mind.
He did not mind in the least. They were years past the stage when it
would have so much as crossed his mind that she might give up this
engagement for the sake of spending his leave on a bit of gaiety in
town; he had only suggested the idea on her account; personally he much
preferred the prospect of doing long walks about his beloved countryside
now passing into spring.
Arriving, he began at once to do so. He went over for one visit to the
office at Tidborough. Not so much enthusiasm greeted him as to encourage
a second. Twyning and Mr. Fortune were immersed in adapting the
workshops to war work for the Government. Normal business was coming to
a standstill. Now Twyning had conceived the immense, patriotic, and
profitable idea of making aeroplane parts, and it was made sufficiently
clear to Sabre that, so long away and immediately to be off again, there
could be no interest for him in the enterprise.
"You won't want to go into all we are doing, my dear fellow," said Mr.
Fortune. "Your hard-earned leave, eh? We mustn't expect you to give it
up to business, eh, Twyning?"
And Twyning responded, "No, no, old man. Not likely, old man. Well, it's
jolly to see you in the office again"; and he looked at his watch and
said a word to Mr. Fortune about "Meeting that man" with an air which
quite clearly informed Sabre that it would be jollier still to see him
put on his cap and walk out of the office again.
Well, it was only what he had expected; a trifle pronounced, perhaps,
but the obvious sequel to their latter-day manner towards him: they had
wanted to get him out; he was out and they desired to keep him out.
He rose to go. "Oh, that's all right. I'm not going to keep you. I only
called in to show off my officer's uniform."
Twyning said, "Yes, congratulations again, old man." He laughed. "You
mustn't think you're going to have Harold saluting you though, if you
ever meet. He's getting a commission too." His manner, directly he
began to speak of Harold, changed to that enormous affection and
admiration for his son which Sabre well remembered on the occasion of
Harold joining up. His face shone, his mouth trembled with loving pride
at what Harold had been through and what he had done. And he was such a
good boy,—wrote twice a week to his mother and once when he was sick in
hospital the Padre of his battalion had written to say what a good and
sterling boy he was. Yes, he had been recommended for a commission and
was coming home that month to a Cadet battalion at Bournemouth.
When Sabre made his congratulations Twyning accompanied him downstairs
to the street and warmly shook his hand. "Thanks, old man; thanks most
awfully. Yes, he's everything to me, my Harold. And of course it's a
strain never knowing.... Well, well, he's in God's hands; and he's such
a good, earnest boy."
Extraordinarily different Twyning the father of Harold, and Twyning in
daily relations.
His leave drew on. He might get his orders any day now. Mabel was much
occupied with her rehearsals. He spent his time in long walks alone and,
whenever they were possible, in the old evenings with Mr. Fargus. In
Mabel's absence he and Effie were much thrown together. Mabel frequently
came upon them thus together, and when she did she had a mannerism that
somehow seemed to suggest "catching" them together. And sometimes she
used that expression. It would have been uncommonly jolly to have had
Bright Effie as companion on the walks, and once or twice he did. But
Mabel showed very clearly that this was very far from having her
approval and on the second occasion said so. There was the slightest
possible little tiff about it; and thenceforward—the subject having
been opened—there were frequent little passages over Effie, arising
always out of his doing what Mabel called "forever sticking up for her."
How frequent they were, and how much they annoyed Mabel, he did not
realise until, in the last week of his leave, and in the midst of a
sticking up for her scene, Mabel surprisingly announced, "Well, anyway
I'm sick and tired of the girl, and I'm sick and tired of having you
always sticking up for her, and I'm going to get rid of her—to-morrow."
He said, "To-morrow? How can you? I don't say it's not the best thing to
do. She's pretty miserable, I should imagine, the way you're always
picking at her, but you can't rush her off like that, Mabel."
"Well, I'm going to. I'm going to pay her up and let her go."
"But, Mabel—what will her people think?"
"I'm sure I don't care what they think. If you're so concerned about the
precious girl, I'll tell her mother that I was going to make other
arrangements in any case and that as this was your last week we thought
we'd like to be alone together. Will that satisfy you?"
"I hope it will satisfy them. And I hope very much indeed that you won't
do it."
But she did do it. On the following day Effie left. Sabre, pretending to
know nothing about it, went for a long walk all day. When he returned
Effie had gone. He said nothing. Her name was not again mentioned
between him and Mabel. It happened that the only reference to her sudden
departure in which he was concerned was with Twyning.
Setting out on his return to France—his orders were to join a Fusilier
battalion, reporting to 34th Division—he found Twyning on the platform
at Tidborough station buying a paper.
"Hullo, old man," said Twyning. "Just off? I say, old man, old Bright's
very upset about Effie getting the sack from your place like that. How
was it?"
He felt himself flush. Beastly, having to defend Mabel's unfairness like
this. "Oh, I fancy my wife had the idea of getting some relation to live
with her, that's all."
Twyning was looking keenly at him. "Oh, I see. But a bit sudden, wasn't
it? I mean to say, I thought you were on such friendly terms with the
girl. Why, only a couple of days before she left I saw you with her
having tea in the Cloister tea rooms. I don't think you saw me, did you,
old man?"
"No, I didn't. Yes, I remember; we were waiting for my wife. There'd
been a dress rehearsal of this play down at the Corn Exchange."
"Oh, yes, waiting for your wife, were you?" Twyning appeared to be
thinking. "Well, that's what I mean, old man. So friendly with the
girl—both of you—and then sending her off so suddenly like that."
Sabre essayed to laugh it off. "My wife's rather a sudden person, you
know."
Twyning joined very heartily in the laugh. "Is she?" He looked around.
"She's seeing you off, I suppose?"
"No, she's not. She's not too well. Got a rotten cold."
Twyning stared again in what struck Sabre as rather an odd way. "Oh, I'm
sorry, old man. Nothing much, I hope. Well, you'll want to be getting
in. I'll tell old Bright what you say about Effie. Nothing in it. I
quite understand. Seemed a bit funny at first, that's all. Good-by, old
man. Jolly good luck. Take care of yourself. Jolly good luck."
He put out his hand and squeezed Sabre's in his intensely friendly grip;
and destiny put out its hand and added another and a vital hour to
Sabre's ultimate encounter with life.
His leave ended with the one thing utterly unexpected and flagrantly
impossible. One of those meetings so astounding in the fact that the
deviation of a single minute, of half a minute, of what one has been
doing previously would have prevented it; and out of it one of those
frightful things that ought to come with premonition, by hints, by
stages, but that come careering headlong as though malignity, bitter and
wanton, had loosed a savage bolt.
He arranged to spend the night at the Officers' Rest House near Victoria
station. Arriving about nine and disinclined for food, he strolled up to
St. James's Park and walked about a little, then back to the station and
into the yard to buy a paper. He stood on a street refuge to let by a
cab coming out of the station. As it passed he saw its occupants—two
women; and one saw him—Nona! Of all incredible things, Nona!
She stopped the cab and he hurried after it.
"Nona!"
"Marko!"
She said, "I'm hurrying to Euston to catch a train. Tony's mother is
with me."
He could not see her well in the dim light, but he thought she looked
terribly pale and fatigued. And her manner odd. He said, "I'm just going
back. But you, Nona? I thought you were in France?"
"I was—this morning. I only came over to-day."
How funny her voice was. "Nona, you look ill. You sound ill. What's up?
Is anything wrong?"
She said, "Oh, Marko, Tony's killed."
"Nona!"
... That came careering headlong, as though malignity, bitter and wanton,
had loosed a savage bolt.
Tybar killed! The cab was away and he was standing there. Tybar killed.
She had said they were hurrying to Scotland, to Tony's home. Tybar
killed! He was getting in people's way. He went rather uncertainly to
the railings bounding the pavement where he stood, and leaned against
them and stared across into the dim cavern of the station yard. Tybar
dead....[2]
On the following morning he crossed to France, there to take up again
that strange identity in whose occupancy his own self was held in
abeyance, waiting his return. Seven months passed before he returned to
that waiting identity and he resumed it then permanently,—done with the
war. The tremendous fighting of 1917—his participation in the war—his
tenancy of the strange personality caught up in the enormous machinery
of it all—ended for him in the great break through of the Hindenburg
Line in November. On top of a recollection of sudden shock, then of
whirling giddiness in which he was conscious of some enormous violence
going on but could not feel it—like (as he afterwards thought)
beginning to come to in the middle of a tooth extraction under gas—on
the top of these and of extraordinary things and scenes and people he
could not at all understand came some one saying:
"Well, it's good-by to the war for you, old man."
He knew that he was aware—and somehow for some time had been
aware—that he was in a cot in a ship. He said, "I got knocked out,
didn't I?"
... Some one was telling him some interminable story about some one being
wounded in the shoulder and in the knee. He said, and his voice appeared
to him to be all jumbled up and thick, "Well, I don't care a damn."
... Some one laughed.
Years—or minutes—after this he was talking to a nurse. He said, "What
did some one say to me about it being good-by to the war for me?"
The nurse smiled. "Well, poor thing, you've got it rather badly in the
knee, you know."
He puzzled over this. Presently he said, "Where are we?"
The nurse bent across the cot and peered through the port; then beamed
down on him:
"England!"
She said, "Aren't you glad? What's the matter?"
His face was contracted in intensity of thought, extraordinary thought:
he felt the most extraordinary premonition of something disastrous
awaiting him: there was in his mind, meaninglessly, menacingly, over and
over again, "Good luck have thee with thine honour ... and thy right
hand shall show thee terrible things...."
"Terrible things!"