That night Mrs. Leigh stopped at home;
that only night for many months. Even Tom,
the scholar, looked up from his books in
amazement; but then he remembered that
Will had not been well, and that his mother’s
attention having been called to the circumstance,
it was only natural she should stay to
watch him. And no watching could be more
tender, or more complete. Her loving eyes
seemed never averted from his face; his
grave, sad, care-worn face. When Tom went
to bed the mother left her seat, and going
up to Will where he sat looking at the fire,
but not seeing it, she kissed his forehead, and
said,
‘Will! lad, I’ve been to see Susan Palmer!’
She felt the start under her hand which
was placed on his shoulder, but he was silent
for a minute or two. Then he said,
‘What took you there, mother?’
‘Why, my lad, it was likely I should wish
to see one you cared for; I did not put myself
forward. I put on my Sunday clothes, and tried
to behave as yo’d ha liked me. At least I remember
trying at first; but after, I forgot
all.’
61She rather wished that he would question
her as to what made her forget all. But he
only said,
‘How was she looking, mother?’
‘Will, thou seest I never set eyes on her
before; but she’s a good gentle looking
creature; and I love her dearly, as I’ve
reason to.’
Will looked up with momentary surprise;
for his mother was too shy to be usually taken
with strangers. But after all it was natural
in this case, for who could look at Susan without
loving her? So still he did not ask any
questions, and his poor mother had to take
courage, and try again to introduce the subject
near to her heart. But how?
‘Will!’ said she (jerking it out, in sudden
despair of her own powers to lead to what she
wanted to say), ‘I telled her all.’
‘Mother! you’ve ruined me,’ said he
standing up, and standing opposite to her
with a stern white look of affright on his
face.
‘No! my own dear lad; dunnot look so
scared, I have not ruined you!’ she exclaimed,
placing her two hands on his shoulders and
looking fondly into his face. ‘She’s not one to
harden her heart against a mother’s sorrow.
My own lad, she’s too good for that. She’s
not one to judge and scorn the sinner. She’s
too deep read in her New Testament for
that. Take courage, Will; and thou mayst,
for I watched her well, though it is not
for one woman to let out another’s secret.
Sit thee down, lad, for thou look’st very
white.’
He sat down. His mother drew a stool
towards him, and sat at his feet.
‘Did you tell her about Lizzie, then?’ asked
he, hoarse and low.
“I did, I telled her all; and she fell a
crying over my deep sorrow, and the poor
wench’s sin. And then a light comed into her
face, trembling and quivering with some new
glad thought; and what dost thou think it
was, Will, lad? Nay, I’ll not misdoubt but
that thy heart will give thanks as mine did,
afore God and His angels, for her great goodness.
That little Nanny is not her niece,
she’s our Lizzie’s own child, my little grandchild.”
She could no longer restrain her tears,
and they fell hot and fast, but still she looked
into his face.
‘Did she know it was Lizzie’s child? I do
not comprehend,’ said he, flushing red.
‘She knows now: she did not at first, but
took the little helpless creature in, out of her
own pitiful loving heart, guessing only that it
was the child of shame, and she’s worked for
it, and kept it, and tended it ever sin’ it were
a mere baby, and loves it fondly. Will!
won’t you love it?’ asked she beseechingly.
He was silent for an instant; then he said,
‘Mother, I’ll try. Give me time, for all these
things startle me. To think of Susan having
to do with such a child!’
‘Aye, Will! and to think (as may be yet)
of Susan having to do with the child’s mother!
For she is tender and pitiful, and speaks hopefully
of my lost one, and will try and find her
for me, when she comes, as she does sometimes,
to thrust money under the door, for
her baby. Think of that, Will. Here’s
Susan, good and pure as the angels in heaven,
yet, like them, full of hope and mercy, and
one who, like them, will rejoice over her as
repents. Will, my lad, I’m not afeared of
you now, and I must speak, and you must
listen. I am your mother, and I dare to
command you, because I know I am in the
right and that God is on my side. If He
should lead the poor wandering lassie to
Susan’s door, and she comes back crying and
sorrowful, led by that good angel to us once
more, thou shalt never say a casting-up
word to her about her sin, but be tender
and helpful towards one “who was lost and
is found,” so may God’s blessing rest on thee,
and so mayst thou lead Susan home as thy
wife.’
She stood, no longer as the meek, imploring,
gentle mother, but firm and dignified, as if the
interpreter of God’s will. Her manner was
so unusual and solemn, that it overcame all
Will’s pride and stubbornness. He rose softly
while she was speaking, and bent his head
as if in reverence at her words, and the solemn
injunction which they conveyed. When she
had spoken, he said in so subdued a voice
that she was almost surprised at the sound,
‘Mother, I will.’
‘I may be dead and gone,—but all the same,—thou
wilt take home the wandering sinner,
and heal up her sorrows, and lead her to her
Father’s house. My lad! I can speak no
more; I’m turned very faint.’
He placed her in a chair; he ran for water.
She opened her eyes and smiled.
‘God bless you, Will. Oh! I am so happy.
It seems as if she were found; my heart is so
filled with gladness.’
That night Mr. Palmer stayed out late and
long. Susan was afraid that he was at his
old haunts and habits,—getting tipsy at some
public-house; and this thought oppressed her,
even though she had so much to make her
happy, in the consciousness that Will loved
her. She sat up long, and then she went
to bed, leaving all arranged as well as she
could for her father’s return. She looked at
the little rosy sleeping girl who was her bedfellow,
with redoubled tenderness, and with
many a prayerful thought. The little arms
entwined her neck as she lay down, for Nanny
was a light sleeper, and was conscious that
she, who was loved with all the power of that
sweet childish heart, was near her, and by
her, although she was too sleepy to utter any
of her half-formed words.
And by-and-bye she heard her father come
home, stumbling uncertain, trying first the
windows, and next the door-fastenings, with
many a loud incoherent murmur. The little
Innocent twined around her seemed all the
62sweeter and more lovely, when she thought
sadly of her erring father. And presently he
called aloud for a light; she had left matches
and all arranged as usual on the dresser, but,
fearful of some accident from fire, in his
unusually intoxicated state, she now got up
softly, and putting on a cloak, went down to
his assistance.
Alas! the little arms that were unclosed
from her soft neck belonged to a light, easily
awakened sleeper. Nanny missed her darling
Susy, and terrified at being left alone in the
vast mysterious darkness, which had no
bounds, and seemed infinite, she slipped out
of bed, and tottered in her little night-gown
towards the door. There was a light below,
and there was Susy and safety! So she went
onwards two steps towards the steep abrupt
stairs; and then dazzled with sleepiness, she
stood, she wavered, she fell! Down on her
head on the stone floor she fell! Susan flew
to her, and spoke all soft, entreating, loving
words; but her white lids covered up the
blue violets of eyes, and there was no murmur
came out of the pale lips. The warm tears
that rained down did not awaken her; she
lay stiff, and weary with her short life, on
Susan’s knee. Susan went sick with terror.
She carried her upstairs, and laid her tenderly
in bed; she dressed herself most hastily, with
her trembling fingers. Her father was asleep
on the settle down stairs; and useless, and
worse than useless if awake. But Susan flew
out of the door, and down the quiet resounding
street, towards the nearest doctor’s house.
Quickly she went; but as quickly a shadow
followed, as if impelled by some sudden terror.
Susan rung wildly at the night-bell,—the
shadow crouched near. The doctor looked
out from an upstairs window.
‘A little child has fallen down stairs at
No. 9, Crown-street, and is very ill,—dying
I’m afraid. Please, for God’s sake, sir, come
directly. No. 9, Crown-street.’
‘I’ll be there directly,’ said he, and shut the
window.
‘For that God you have just spoken about,—for
His sake,—tell me are you Susan
Palmer? Is it my child that lies a-dying?’
said the shadow, springing forwards, and
clutching poor Susan’s arm.
‘It is a little child of two years old,—I do
not know whose it is; I love it as my own.
Come with me, whoever you are; come with
me.’
The two sped along the silent streets,—as
silent as the night were they. They entered
the house; Susan snatched up the light, and
carried it upstairs. The other followed.
She stood with wild glaring eyes by the
bedside, never looking at Susan, but hungrily
gazing at the little white still child. She
stooped down, and put her hand tight on her
own heart, as if to still its beating, and bent
her ear to the pale lips. Whatever the
result was, she did not speak; but threw off
the bed-clothes wherewith Susan had tenderly
covered up the little creature, and felt its
left side.
Then she threw up her arms with a cry of
wild despair.
‘She is dead! she is dead!’
She looked so fierce, so mad, so haggard,
that for an instant Susan was terrified—the
next, the holy God had put courage into her
heart, and her pure arms were round that
guilty wretched creature, and her tears were
falling fast and warm upon her breast. But
she was thrown off with violence.
‘You killed her—you slighted her—you
let her fall down those stairs! you killed
her!’
Susan cleared off the thick mist before her,
and gazing at the mother with her clear,
sweet, angel-eyes, said mournfully—
‘I would have laid down my own life for
her.’
‘Oh, the murder is on my soul!’ exclaimed
the wild bereaved mother, with the fierce
impetuosity of one who has none to love her
and to be beloved, regard to whom might
teach self-restraint.
‘Hush!’ said Susan, her finger on her lips.
‘Here is the doctor. God may suffer her
to live.’
The poor mother turned sharp round. The
doctor mounted the stair. Ah! that mother
was right; the little child was really dead
and gone.
And when he confirmed her judgment, the
mother fell down in a fit. Susan, with her
deep grief, had to forget herself, and forget
her darling (her charge for years), and question
the doctor what she must do with the
poor wretch, who lay on the floor in such
extreme of misery.
‘She is the mother!’ said she.
‘Why did not she take better care of her
child?’ asked he, almost angrily.
But Susan only said, ‘The little child slept
with me; and it was I that left her.’
‘I will go back and make up a composing
draught; and while I am away you must get
her to bed.’
Susan took out some of her own clothes,
and softly undressed the stiff, powerless, form.
There was no other bed in the house but the
one in which her father slept. So she
tenderly lifted the body of her darling; and
was going to take it down stairs, but the
mother opened her eyes, and seeing what she
was about, she said,
‘I am not worthy to touch her, I am so
wicked; I have spoken to you as I never
should have spoken; but I think you are
very good; may I have my own child to lie
in my arms for a little while?’
Her voice was so strange a contrast to what
it had been before she had gone into the fit
that Susan hardly recognised it; it was now
so unspeakably soft, so irresistibly pleading,
the features too had lost their fierce expression,
and were almost as placid as death. Susan
could not speak, but she carried the little
63child, and laid it in its mother’s arms; then
as she looked at them, something overpowered
her, and she knelt down, crying aloud,
‘Oh, my God, my God, have mercy on her,
and forgive, and comfort her.’
But the mother kept smiling, and stroking
the little face, murmuring soft tender words,
as if it were alive; she was going mad, Susan
thought; but she prayed on, and on, and ever
still she prayed with streaming eyes.
The doctor came with the draught. The
mother took it, with docile unconsciousness
of its nature as medicine. The doctor sat by
her; and soon she fell asleep. Then he rose
softly, and beckoning Susan to the door, he
spoke to her there.
‘You must take the corpse out of her
arms. She will not awake. That draught
will make her sleep for many hours. I will
call before noon again. It is now daylight.
Good-bye.’
Susan shut him out; and then gently extricating
the dead child from its mother’s
arms, she could not resist making her own
quiet moan over her darling. She tried to
learn off its little placid face, dumb and pale
before her.
“Not all the scalding tears of care
Shall wash away that vision fair;
Not all the thousand thoughts that rise,
Not all the sights that dim her eyes,
Shall e’er usurp the place
Of that little angel-face.”
And then she remembered what remained
to be done. She saw that all was right in
the house; her father was still dead asleep on
the settle, in spite of all the noise of the
night. She went out through the quiet
streets, deserted still although it was broad
daylight, and to where the Leighs lived.
Mrs. Leigh, who kept her country hours, was
opening her window shutters. Susan took
her by the arm, and, without speaking, went
into the house-place. There she knelt down
before the astonished Mrs. Leigh, and cried
as she had never done before; but the
miserable night had overpowered her, and
she who had gone through so much calmly,
now that the pressure seemed removed could
not find the power to speak.
‘My poor dear! What has made thy
heart so sore as to come and cry a-this-ons.
Speak and tell me. Nay, cry on, poor
wench, if thou canst not speak yet. It
will ease the heart, and then thou canst tell
me.’
‘Nanny is dead!’ said Susan. ‘I left her
to go to father, and she fell down stairs, and
never breathed again. Oh, that’s my sorrow!
but I’ve more to tell. Her mother is come—is
in our house! Come and see if it’s your
Lizzie.’ Mrs. Leigh could not speak, but,
trembling, put on her things, and went
with Susan in dizzy haste back to Crown-street.
As they entered the house in Crown-street,
they perceived that the door would not open
freely on its hinges, and Susan instinctively
looked behind to see the cause of the obstruction.
She immediately recognised the appearance
of a little parcel, wrapped in a scrap of
newspaper, and evidently containing money.
She stooped and picked it up. ‘Look!’ said
she, sorrowfully, ‘the mother was bringing
this for her child last night.’
But Mrs. Leigh did not answer. So near to
the ascertaining if it were her lost child or no,
she could not be arrested, but pressed onwards
with trembling steps and a beating, fluttering
heart. She entered the bed-room, dark and
still. She took no heed of the little corpse,
over which Susan paused, but she went
straight to the bed, and withdrawing the
curtain, saw Lizzie,—but not the former Lizzie,
bright, gay, buoyant, and undimmed. This
Lizzie was old before her time; her beauty
was gone; deep lines of care, and alas! of
want (or thus the mother imagined) were
printed on the cheek, so round, and fair, and
smooth, when last she gladdened her mother’s
eyes. Even in her sleep she bore the look of
woe and despair which was the prevalent expression
of her face by day; even in her sleep
she had forgotten how to smile. But all these
marks of the sin and sorrow she had passed
through only made her mother love her the
more. She stood looking at her with greedy
eyes, which seemed as though no gazing could
satisfy their longing; and at last she stooped
down and kissed the pale, worn hand that lay
outside the bed-clothes. No touch disturbed
the sleeper; the mother need not have laid
the hand so gently down upon the counterpane.
There was no sign of life, save only
now and then a deep sob-like sigh. Mrs.
Leigh sat down beside the bed, and, still
holding back the curtain, looked on and on, as
if she could never be satisfied.
Susan would fain have stayed by her darling
one; but she had many calls upon her time
and thoughts, and her will had now, as ever,
to be given up to that of others. All seemed
to devolve the burden of their cares on her.
Her father, ill-humoured from his last night’s
intemperance, did not scruple to reproach her
with being the cause of little Nanny’s death;
and when, after bearing his upbraiding meekly
for some time, she could no longer restrain
herself, but began to cry, he wounded her
even more by his injudicious attempts at comfort:
for he said it was as well the child was
dead; it was none of theirs, and why should
they be troubled with it? Susan wrung her
hands at this, and came and stood before her
father, and implored him to forbear. Then
she had to take all requisite steps for the
coroner’s inquest; she had to arrange for the
dismissal of her school; she had to summon a
little neighbour, and send his willing feet on
a message to William Leigh, who, she felt,
ought to be informed of his mother’s whereabouts,
64and of the whole state of affairs. She
asked her messenger to tell him to come and
speak to her,—that his mother was at her
house. She was thankful that her father
sauntered out to have a gossip at the nearest
coach-stand, and to relate as many of the
night’s adventures as he knew; for as yet he
was in ignorance of the watcher and the
watched, who silently passed away the hours
upstairs.
At dinner-time Will came. He looked red,
glad, impatient, excited. Susan stood calm
and white before him, her soft, loving eyes
gazing straight into his.
‘Will,’ said she, in a low, quiet voice, ‘your
sister is upstairs.’
‘My sister!’ said he, as if affrighted at the
idea, and losing his glad look in one of gloom.
Susan saw it, and her heart sank a little, but
she went on as calm to all appearance as
ever.
‘She was little Nanny’s mother, as perhaps
you know. Poor little Nanny was killed last
night by a fall down stairs.’ All the calmness
was gone; all the suppressed feeling was displayed
in spite of every effort. She sat down,
and hid her face from him, and cried bitterly.
He forgot everything but the wish, the longing
to comfort her. He put his arm round
her waist, and bent over her. But all he
could say, was, ‘Oh, Susan, how can I comfort
you! Don’t take on so,—pray don’t!’ He
never changed the words, but the tone varied
every time he spoke. At last she seemed to
regain her power over herself; and she wiped
her eyes, and once more looked upon him with
her own quiet, earnest, unfearing gaze.
‘Your sister was near the house. She came
in on hearing my words to the doctor. She is
asleep now, and your mother is watching her.
I wanted to tell you all myself. Would you
like to see your mother?’
‘No!’ said he. ‘I would rather see none
but thee. Mother told me thou knew’st all.’
His eyes were downcast in their shame.
But the holy and pure, did not lower or vail
her eyes.
She said, ‘Yes, I know all—all but her
sufferings. Think what they must have
been!’
He made answer low and stern, ‘She deserved
them all; every jot.’
‘In the eye of God, perhaps she does. He
is the judge: we are not.’
‘Oh!’ she said with a sudden burst, ‘Will
Leigh! I have thought so well of you; don’t
go and make me think you cruel and hard.
Goodness is not goodness unless there is
mercy and tenderness with it. There is your
mother who has been nearly heart-broken,
now full of rejoicing over her child—think
of your mother.’
‘I do think of her,’ said he. ‘I remember
the promise I gave her last night. Thou
shouldst give me time. I would do right in
time. I never think it o’er in quiet. But I
will do what is right and fitting, never fear.
Thou hast spoken out very plain to me; and
misdoubted me, Susan; I love thee so, that
thy words cut me. If I did hang back a bit
from making sudden promises, it was because
not even for love of thee, would I say what I
was not feeling; and at first I could not feel
all at once as thou wouldst have me. But
I’m not cruel and hard; for if I had been,
I should na’ have grieved as I have done.’
He made as if he were going away; and
indeed he did feel he would rather think it
over in quiet. But Susan, grieved at her incautious
words, which had all the appearance
of harshness, went a step or two nearer—paused—and
then, all over blushes, said in a
low soft whisper—
‘Oh Will! I beg your pardon. I am very
sorry—won’t you forgive me?’
She who had always drawn back, and been
so reserved, said this in the very softest
manner; with eyes now uplifted beseechingly,
now dropped to the ground. Her sweet confusion
told more than words could do; and
Will turned back, all joyous in his certainty
of being beloved, and took her in his arms
and kissed her.
‘My own Susan!’ he said.
Meanwhile the mother watched her child
in the room above.
It was late in the afternoon before she
awoke; for the sleeping draught had been
very powerful. The instant she awoke, her
eyes were fixed on her mother’s face with a
gaze as unflinching as if she were fascinated.
Mrs. Leigh did not turn away; nor move.
For it seemed as if motion would unlock the
stony command over herself which, while so
perfectly still, she was enabled to preserve.
But by-and-bye Lizzie cried out in a piercing
voice of agony—
‘Mother, don’t look at me! I have been
so wicked!’ and instantly she hid her face,
and grovelled among the bed-clothes, and lay
like one dead—so motionless was she.
Mrs. Leigh knelt down by the bed, and
spoke in the most soothing tones.
‘Lizzie, dear, don’t speak so. I’m thy
mother, darling; don’t be afeard of me. I
never left off loving thee, Lizzie. I was
always a-thinking of thee. Thy father forgave
thee afore he died.’ (There was a little
start here, but no sound was heard). ‘Lizzie,
lass, I’ll do aught for thee; I’ll live for thee;
only don’t be afeard of me. Whate’er thou
art or hast been, we’ll ne’er speak on’t.
We’ll leave th’ oud times behind us, and go
back to the Upclose Farm. I but left it to
find thee, my lass; and God has led me to
thee. Blessed be His name. And God is
good too, Lizzie. Thou hast not forgot thy
Bible, I’ll be bound, for thou wert always a
scholar. I’m no reader, but I learnt off them
texts to comfort me a bit, and I’ve said them
many a time a day to myself. Lizzie, lass,
don’t hide thy head so, it’s thy mother as
is speaking to thee. Thy little child clung to
me only yesterday; and if it’s gone to be an
65angel, it will speak to God for thee. Nay,
don’t sob a that ‘as; thou shalt have it again
in Heaven; I know thou’lt strive to get
there, for thy little Nancy’s sake—and listen!
I’ll tell thee God’s promises to them that are
penitent—only doan’t be afeard.’
Mrs. Leigh folded her hands, and strove to
speak very clearly, while she repeated every
tender and merciful text she could remember.
She could tell from the breathing that her
daughter was listening; but she was so
dizzy and sick herself when she had ended,
that she could not go on speaking. It was
all she could do to keep from crying aloud.
At last she heard her daughter’s voice.
‘Where have they taken her to?’ she
asked.
‘She is down stairs. So quiet, and peaceful,
and happy she looks.’
‘Could she speak? Oh, if God—if I might
but have heard her little voice! Mother, I
used to dream of it. May I see her once
again—Oh mother, if I strive very hard, and
God is very merciful, and I go to heaven, I
shall not know her—I shall not know my
own again—she will shun me as a stranger
and cling to Susan Palmer and to you. Oh
woe! Oh woe!’ She shook with exceeding
sorrow.
In her earnestness of speech she had uncovered
her face, and tried to read Mrs.
Leigh’s thoughts through her looks. And
when she saw those aged eyes brimming full
of tears, and marked the quivering lips, she
threw her arms round the faithful mother’s
neck, and wept there as she had done in many
a childish sorrow; but with a deeper, a more
wretched grief.
Her mother hushed her on her breast; and
lulled her as if she were a baby; and she
grew still and quiet.
They sat thus for a long, long time. At
last Susan Palmer came up with some tea and
bread and butter for Mrs. Leigh. She
watched the mother feed her sick, unwilling
child, with every fond inducement to eat
which she could devise; they neither of them
took notice of Susan’s presence. That night
they lay in each other’s arms; but Susan
slept on the ground beside them.
They took the little corpse (the little unconscious
sacrifice, whose early calling-home
had reclaimed her poor wandering mother,)
to the hills, which in her life-time she had
never seen. They dared not lay her by the
stern grand-father in Milne-Row churchyard,
but they bore her to a lone moorland graveyard,
where long ago the quakers used to
bury their dead. They laid her there on the
sunny slope, where the earliest spring-flowers
blow.
Will and Susan live at the Upclose Farm.
Mrs. Leigh and Lizzie dwell in a cottage so
secluded that, until you drop into the very
hollow where it is placed, you do not see it.
Tom is a schoolmaster in Rochdale, and he
and Will help to support their mother. I only
know that, if the cottage be hidden in a green
hollow of the hills, every sound of sorrow in
the whole upland is heard there—every call
of suffering or of sickness for help is listened
to, by a sad, gentle looking woman, who rarely
smiles (and when she does, her smile is more
sad than other people’s tears), but who comes
out of her seclusion whenever there’s a
shadow in any household. Many hearts bless
Lizzie Leigh, but she—she prays always and
ever for forgiveness—such forgiveness as
may enable her to see her child once more.
Mrs. Leigh is quiet and happy. Lizzie is to
her eyes something precious,—as the lost
piece of silver—found once more. Susan is
the bright one who brings sunshine to all.
Children grow around her and call her blessed.
One is called Nanny. Her, Lizzy often takes
to the sunny graveyard in the uplands, and
while the little creature gathers the daisies,
and makes chains, Lizzie sits by a little grave,
and weeps bitterly.