In the weeks which followed, Roger found the peace of his home
so interrupted and disturbed by wedding preparations that often
retreating into his den he earnestly told himself he was through,
that a man with three grown daughters was a fool to show any
sympathy with the utter folly of their lives. Yield an inch and
they took a mile! It began one night when Deborah said,
"Now, dearie, I think you had better make up your mind to give
Laura just the kind of wedding she likes."
And Roger weakly agreed to this, but as time wore on he
discovered that the kind of wedding Laura liked was a thing that
made his blood run cold. There seemed to be no end whatever to the
young bride's blithe demands. The trousseau part of it he didn't
mind. To the gowns and hats and gloves and shoes and trunks and
jaunty travelling bags which came pouring into the house, he made
no objection. All that, he considered, was fair play. But what got
on Roger's nerves was this frantic fuss and change! The faded hall
carpet had to come up, his favorite lounge was whisked away, the
piano was re-tuned while he was trying to take a nap, rugs were
beaten, crates and barrels filled the halls, and one whole bedroom
stripped and bare was transformed into a shop where the wedding
presents were displayed. In the shuffle his box of cigars
disappeared. In short, there was the devil to pay!
And Deborah, was as bad as the bride. At times it appeared to
Roger as though her fingers fairly itched to jab and tug at his
poor old house, which wore an air of mute reproach. She revealed a
part of her nature that he viewed with dark amazement. Every hour
she could spare from school, she was changing something or other at
home—with an eager glitter in her eyes. Doing it all for
Laura, she said. Fiddlesticks and rubbish! She did it because she
liked it!
In gloomy wrath one afternoon he went up to see Edith and quiet
down. She was well on the way to recovery, but instead of receiving
solace here he only found fresh troubles. For sitting up in her
old-fashioned bed, with an old-fashioned cap of lace upon her
shapely little head, Edith made her father feel she had washed her
hands of the whole affair.
"I'm sorry," she said in an injured tone, "that Laura doesn't
care enough about her oldest sister to put off the wedding two or
three weeks so I could be there. It seems rather undignified, I
think, for a girl to hurry her wedding so. I should have loved to
make it the dear simple kind of wedding which mother would have
wanted. But so long as she doesn't care for that—and in fact
has only found ten minutes—once—to run in and see the
baby—"
In dismay her father found himself defending the very daughter
of whom he had come to complain. It was not such a short
engagement, he said, he had learned they had been engaged some time
before they told him.
"Do you approve of that?" she rejoined. "When I was engaged, I
made Bruce go to you before I even let him—" here Edith broke
off primly. "Of course that was some time ago. An engagement, Laura
tells me, is 'a mere experiment' nowadays. They 'experiment' till
they feel quite sure—then notify their parents and get
married in a week."
"She is rushing it, I admit," Roger soothingly replied. "But she
has her mind set on Paris in June."
"Paris in June," said Edith, "sums up in three words Laura's
whole conception of marriage. You really ought to talk to her,
father. It's your duty, it seems to me."
"What do you mean?"
"I'd rather not tell you." Edith's glance went sternly to the
cradle by her bed. "Laura pities me," she said, "for having had
five children."
"Oh, now, my dear girl!"
"She does, though—she said as much. When she dropped in
the other day and I tried to be sympathetic and give her a little
sound advice, she said I had had the wedding I liked and the kind
of married life I liked, and she was going to have hers. And she
made it quite plain that her kind is to include no children. It's
to be simply an effort to find by 'experiment' whether or not she
loves Hal Sloane. If she doesn't—" Edith gave a slight but
emphatic wave of dismissal.
"Do you mean to say Laura told you that?" her father asked with
an angry frown.
"I mean she made me feel it—as plainly as I'm telling it!
What I can't understand," his daughter went on, "is Deborah's
attitude in the affair."
"What's the matter with Deborah?" inquired Roger dismally.
"Oh, nothing's the matter with Deborah. She's quite
self-sufficient. She at least can play with modern ideas and keep
her head while she's doing it. But when poor Laura—a mere
child with the mind of a chicken—catches vaguely at such
ideas, applies them to her own little self and risks her whole
future happiness, it seems to me perfectly criminal for Deborah not
to interfere! Not even a word of warning!"
"Deborah believes," said her father, "in everyone's leading his
own life."
"That's rot," was Edith's curt reply. "Do I lead my own life?
Does Bruce? Do you?"
"No," growled Roger feelingly.
"Do my children?" Edith demanded. "I know
Deborah would like them to. That's her latest and most modern fad,
to run a school where every child shall sit with a rat in its lap
or a goat, and do just what he pleases—follow his natural
bent, she says. I hope she won't come up to the mountains and
practice on my children. I should hate to break with Deborah,"
Edith ended thoughtfully.
Roger rose and walked the room. The comforting idea entered his
mind that when the wedding was over he would take out his
collection of rings and carefully polish every one. But even this
hope did not stay with him long.
"With Laura at home," he heard Edith continue, "you at least had
a daughter to run your house. If Deborah tries to move you
out—"
"She won't!" cried Roger in alarm.
"If she does," persisted Edith, "or if she begins any talk of
the kind—you come to me and I'll talk to her!"
Her father walked in silence, his head down, frowning at the
floor.
"It seems funny," Edith continued, "that women like me who give
children their lives, and men like Bruce who are building New
York—actually doing it all the time—have so little to
say in these modern ideas. I suppose it's because we're a little
too real."
"To come back to the wedding," Roger suggested.
"To come back to the wedding, father dear," his daughter said
compassionately. "I'm afraid it's going to be a 'mere form' which
will make you rather wretched. When you get so you can't endure it,
come in and see me and the baby."
As he started for home, her words of warning recurred to his
mind. Yes, here was the thing that disturbed him most, the ghost
lurking under all this confusion, the part which had to do with
himself. It was bad enough to know that his daughter, his own flesh
and blood, was about to settle her fate at one throw. But to be
moved out of his house bag and baggage! Roger strode wrathfully up
the street.
"It's your duty to talk to her," Edith had said. And he
meditated darkly on this: "Maybe I will and maybe I won't. I know
my duties without being told. How does Edith know what her mother
liked? We had our own likings, her mother and I, and our own ideas,
long after she was tucked into bed. And yet she's always harping on
'what mother would have wanted.' What I should like to
know—right now—is what Judith would want if she were
here!"
With a pang of utter loneliness amid these vexing problems,
Roger felt it crowding in, this city of his children's lives. As he
strode on down Broadway, an old hag selling papers thrust one in
his face and he caught a glimpse of a headline. Some bigwig woman
re-divorced. How about Laura's "experiment"? A mob of street
urchins nearly upset him. How about Deborah? How about children?
How about schools, education, the country? How about God? Was
anyone thinking? Had anyone time? What a racket it made,
slam-banging along. The taxis and motor trucks thundered and
brayed, dark masses of people swept endlessly by, as though their
very souls depended on their dinners or their jobs, their movies,
roaring farces, thrills, their harum scarum dances, clothes. A
plump little fool of a woman, her skirt so tight she could barely
walk, tripped by on high-heeled slippers. That was it, he told
himself, the whole city was high-heeled! No solid footing anywhere!
And, good Lord, how they chattered!
He turned into a less noisy street. What would Judith want if
she were here? It became disturbingly clear to him that she would
undoubtedly wish him to have a talk with Laura now, find out if
she'd really made up her mind not to have any children, and if so
to tell her plainly that she was not only going against her God
but risking her own happiness. For though Judith had been liberal
about any number of smaller things, she had been decidedly clear on
this. Yes, he must talk to Laura.
"And she'll tell me," he reflected, "that Edith put me up to
it!"
If only his oldest daughter would leave the other girls alone!
Here she was planning a row with Deborah over whether poor young
George should be allowed to play with rats! It was all so silly!...
Yes, his three children were drifting apart, each one of them going
her separate way. And he rather took comfort in the thought, for at
least it would stop their wrangling. But again he pulled himself up
with a jerk. No, certainly Judith would not have liked this. If
she'd ever stood for anything, it was for keeping the family
together. It had been the heart and center of their last talks
before she died.
His face relaxed as he walked on, but in his eyes was a deeper
pain. If only Judith could be here. Before he reached home he had
made up his mind to talk with Laura that very night. He drew out
his latchkey, opened his door, shut it firmly and strode into his
house. In the hall they were putting down the new carpet.
Cautiously picking his way upstairs, he inquired for Laura and was
told she was dressing for dinner. He knocked at her door.
"Yes?" came her voice.
"It's I," he said, "your father."
"Oh, hello, dad," came the answer gaily, in that high sweet
voice of hers. "I'm frightfully rushed. It's a dinner dance
to-night for the bridesmaids and the ushers." Roger felt a glow of
relief. "Come in a moment, won't you?"
What a resplendent young creature she was, seated at her
dresser. Behind her the maid with needle and thread was swiftly
mending a little tear in the fluffy blue tulle she was wearing.
The shaded light just over her head brought a shimmer of red in her
sleek brown hair. What lips she had, what a bosom. She drew a deep
breath and smiled at him.
"What are you doing to-morrow night?" her father asked her.
"Oh, dad, my love, we have every evening filled and crammed
right up to the wedding," she replied. "No—the last evening
I'll be here. Hal's giving his ushers a dinner that night."
"Good. I want to talk to you, my dear." He felt his voice
solemn, a great mistake. He saw the quick glance from her luminous
eyes.
"All right, father—whenever you like."
Much embarrassed Roger left the room.
The few days which remained were a crowding confusion of
dressmakers, gowns and chattering friends and gifts arriving at all
hours. As a part of his resolve to do what he could for his
daughter, Roger stayed home from his office that week. But all he
could do was to unpack boxes, take out presents and keep the cards,
and say, "Yes, my dear, it's very nice. Where shall I put this
one?" As the array of presents grew, from time to time
unconsciously he glanced at the engagement ring upon Laura's
finger. And all the presents seemed like that. They would suit her
apartment beautifully. He'd be glad when they were out of the
house.
The only gift that appealed to his fancy was a brooch, neither
rich nor new, a genuine bit of old jewelry. But rather to his
annoyance he learned that it had been sent to Laura by the old
Galician Jew in the shop around the corner. It recalled to his mind
the curious friendship which had existed for so long between the
old man and his daughter. And as she turned the brooch to the light
Roger thought he saw in her eyes anticipations which made him
uneasy. Yes, she was a child of his. "June in
Paris—" other Junes—"experiments"—no
children. Again he felt he must have that talk. But, good Lord, how
he dreaded it.
The house was almost ready now, dismantled and made new and
strange. It was the night before the wedding. Laura was taking her
supper in bed. What was he going to say to her? He ate his dinner
silently. At last he rose with grim resolution.
"I think I'll go up and see her," he said. Deborah quickly
glanced at him.
"What for?" she asked.
"Oh, I just want to talk to her—"
"Don't stay long," she admonished him. "I've a masseuse coming
at nine o'clock to get the child in condition to rest. Her nerves
are rather tense, you know."
"How about mine?" he said to himself as he started upstairs.
"Never mind, I've got to tackle it."
Laura saw what he meant to say the moment that he entered the
room, and the tightening of her features made it all the harder for
Roger to think clearly, to remember the grave, kind, fatherly
things which he had intended to tell her.
"I don't want to talk of the wedding, child, but of what's
coming after that—between you and this man—all your life." He
stopped short, with his heart in his mouth, for although he did not
look at her he had a quick sensation as though he had struck her in
the face.
"Isn't this rather late to speak about that? Just now? When I'm
nervous enough as it is?"
"I know, I know." He spoke hurriedly, humbly. "I should have
talked to you long ago, I should have known you better, child. I've
been slack and selfish. But it's better late than never."
"But you needn't!" the girl exclaimed. "You needn't tell me
anything! I know more than you think—I know enough!" Roger
looked at her, then at the wall. She went on in a voice rather
breathless: "I know what I'm doing—exactly—just what
I'm getting into. It's not as it was when you were young—it's
different—we talk of these things. Harold and I have talked
it all out." In the brief and dangerous pause which followed Roger
kept looking at the wall.
"Have you talked—about having children?"
"Yes," came the answer sharply, and then he felt the hot clutch
of her hand. "Hadn't you better go now, dad?" He hesitated.
"No," he said. His voice was low. "Do you mean to have children,
Laura?"
"I don't know."
"I think you do know. Do you mean to have children?" Her big
black eyes, dilating, were fixed defiantly on his own.
"Well then, no, I don't!" she replied. He made a desperate
effort to think what he could say to her. Good God, how he was
bungling! Where were all his arguments?
"How about your religion?" he blurted out.
"I haven't any—which makes me do that—I've a right
to be happy!"
"You haven't!" His voice had suddenly changed. In accent and in
quality it was like a voice from the heart of New England where he
had been born and bred. "I mean you won't be happy—not unless
you have a child! It's what you need—it'll fill your life!
It'll settle you—deepen you—tone you down!"
"Suppose I don't want to be toned down!" The girl was almost
hysterical. "I'm no Puritan—I want to live! I tell you we are
different now! We're not all like Edith—and we're not like
our mothers! We want to live! And we have a right to! Why don't you
go? Can't you see I'm nearly crazy? It's my last night, my very
last! I don't want to talk to you—I don't even know what I'm
saying! And you come and try to frighten me!" Her voice
caught and broke into sobs. "You know nothing about me! You never
did! Leave me alone, can't you—leave me alone!"
"Father?" He heard Deborah's voice, abrupt and stern, outside
the door.
"I'm sorry," he said hoarsely. He went in blind fashion out of
the room and down to his study. He lit a cigar and smoked
wretchedly there. When presently Deborah appeared he saw that her
face was set and hard; but as she caught the baffled look, the
angry tortured light in his eyes, her own expression softened.
"Poor father," she said, in a pitying way. "If Edith had only
let you alone."
"I certainly didn't do much good."
"Of course you didn't—you did harm—oh, so much more
harm than you know." Into the quiet voice of his daughter crept a
note of keen regret. "I wanted to make her last days in this house
a time she could look back on, so that she'd want to come home for
help if ever she's in trouble. She has so little—don't you
see?—of what a woman needs these days. She has grown up so
badly. Oh, if you'd only let her alone. It was such a bad, bad time
to choose." She went to her father and kissed him. "Well, it's over
now," she said, "and we'll make the best we can of it. I'll tell
her you're sorry and quiet her down. And to-morrow we'll try to
forget it has happened."
For Roger the morrow went by in a whirl. The wedding, a large
church affair, was to take place at twelve o'clock. He arose early,
put on his Prince Albert, went down and ate his breakfast alone.
The waitress was flustered, the coffee was burnt. He finished and
anxiously wandered about. The maids were bustling in and out, with
Deborah giving orders pellmell. The caterers came trooping in. The
bridesmaids were arriving and hurrying up to Roger's room. That
place was soon a chaos of voices, giggles, peals of
laughter. Laura's trunks were brought downstairs, and Roger tagged
them for the ship, one for the cabin and three for the hold, and
saw them into the wagon. Then he strode distractedly everywhere,
till at last he was hustled by Deborah into a taxi waiting
outside.
"It's all going so smoothly," Deborah said, and a faint sardonic
glimmer came into her father's hunted eyes. Deborah was funny!
Soon he found himself in the church. He heard whispers, eager
voices, heard one usher say to another, "God, what a terrible head
I've got!" And Roger glared at him for that. Plainly these
youngsters, all mere boys, had been up with the groom a good part
of the night.... But here was Laura, pale and tense. She smiled at
him and squeezed his hand. There was silence, then the organ, and
now he was taking her up the aisle. Strange faces stared. His jaw
set hard. At last they reached the altar. An usher quickly touched
his arm and he stepped back where he belonged. He listened but
understood nothing. Just words, words and motions.
"If any man can show just cause why they may not be lawfully
joined together, let him now speak or else hereafter forever hold
his peace."
"No," thought Roger, "I won't speak."
Just then he caught sight of Deborah's face, and at the look in
her steady gray eyes all at once he could feel the hot tears in his
own.
At the wedding breakfast he was gay to a boisterous degree. He
talked to strange women and brought them food, took punch with men
he had never laid eyes on, went off on a feverish hunt for cigars,
came back distractedly, joked with young girls and even started
some of them dancing. The whole affair was over in no time. The
bride and the groom came rushing downstairs; and as they escaped
from the shower of rice, Roger ran after them down the steps. He
gripped Sloane's hand.
"Remember, boy, it's her whole life!"
entreated Roger hoarsely.
"Yes, sir! I'll look out! No fear!"
"Good-bye, daddy!"
"God bless you, dear!"
They were speeding away. And with the best man, who looked weary
and spent, Roger went slowly back up the steps. It was an effort
now to talk. Thank Heaven these people soon were gone. Last of all
went the ponderous aunt of the groom. How the taxi groaned as he
helped her inside and started her off to Bridgeport. Back in his
study he found his cigars and smoked one dismally with Bruce. Bruce
was a decent sort of chap. He knew when to be silent.
"Well," he spoke finally, rising, "I guess I'll have to get back
to the office." He smiled a little and put his hand on Roger's
weary shoulder. "We're glad it's over—eh?" he asked.
"Bruce," said Roger heavily, "you've got a girl of your own
growing up. Don't let her grow to feel you're old. Live on with
her. She'll need you." His massive blunt face darkened. "The
world's so damnably new," he muttered, "so choked up with fool
ideas." Bruce still smiled affectionately.
"Go up and see Edith," he said, "and forget 'em. She never lets
one into the flat. She said you were to be sure to come and tell
her about the wedding."
"All right, I'll go," said Roger. He hunted about for his hat
and coat. What a devilish mess they had made of the house. A half
hour later he was with Edith; but there, despite his efforts to
answer all her questions, he grew heavier and heavier, till at last
he barely spoke. He sat watching Edith's baby.
"Did you talk to Laura?" he heard her ask.
"Yes," he replied. "It did no good." He knew that Edith was
waiting for more, but he kept doggedly silent.
"Well, dear," she said presently, "at least
you did what you could for her."
"I've never done what I could," he rejoined. "Not with any one
of you." He glanced at her with a twinge of pain. "I don't know as
it would have helped much if I had. This town is running away with
itself. I want a rest now, Edith, I want things quiet for a while."
He felt her anxious, pitying look.
"Where's Deborah?" she asked him. "Gone back to school
already?"
"I don't know where she is," he replied. And then he rose
forlornly. "I guess I'll be going back home," he said.
On his way, as his thoughts slowly cleared, the old uneasiness
rose in his mind. Would Deborah want to keep the house? Suppose she
suggested moving to some titty-tatty little flat. No, he would not
stand in her way. But, Lord, what an end to make of his life.
His home was almost dark inside, but he noticed rather to his
surprise that the rooms had already been put in order. He sank down
on the living room sofa and lay motionless for a while. How tired
he was. From time to time he drearily sighed. Yes, Deborah would
find him old and life here dull and lonely. Where was she to-night,
he wondered. Couldn't she quit her zoo school for one single
afternoon? At last, when the room had grown pitch dark, he heard
the maid lighting the gas in the hall. Roger loudly cleared his
throat, and at the sound the startled girl ejaculated, "Oh, my
Gawd!"
"It's I," said Roger sternly. "Did Miss Deborah say when she'd
be back?"
"She didn't go out, sir. She's up in her room."
Roger went up and found her there. All afternoon with both the
maids she had been setting the house to rights, and now she ached
in every limb. She was lying on her bed, and she looked as though
she had been crying.
"Where have you been?" she inquired.
"At Edith's," her father answered. She
reached up and took his hand, and held it slowly tighter.
"You aren't going to find it too lonely here, with Laura gone?"
she asked him. And the wistfulness in her deep sweet voice made
something thrill in Roger.
"Why should I?" he retorted. Deborah gave a queer little
laugh.
"Oh, I'm just silly, that's all," she said. "I've been having a
fit of blues. I've been feeling so old this afternoon—a
regular old woman. I wanted you, dearie, and I was afraid that
you—" she broke off.
"Look here," said Roger sharply. "Do you really want to keep
this house?"
"Keep this house? Why, father!"
"You think you can stand it here alone, just the two of us?" he
demanded.
"I can," cried Deborah happily. Her father walked to the window.
There as he looked blindly out, his eyes were assaulted by the
lights of all those titty-tatty flats. And a look of vicious
triumph appeared for a moment on his face.
"Very well," he said quietly, turning back. "Then we're both
suited." He went to the door. "I'll go and wash up for supper," he
said.