NEW YORK
Andante con moto
Bedient went directly to the house-number of David Cairns in West
Sixty-seventh Street, without telephoning for an appointment. It
happened that the time of his arrival was unfortunate. Something of
this he caught, first from the look of the elevator attendant, who took
him to the tenth floor of a modern studio-building; and further from
the man-servant who answered his ring at the Cairns apartment.
"Mr. Cairns sees no one before two o'clock, sir," said the latter,
whose cool eye took in the caller.
Bedient hesitated. It was now twelve-forty-five. He felt that Cairns
would be hurt if he went away. "Tell him that Andrew Bedient is here,
and that I shall be glad to wait or call again, just as he prefers."
And now the servant hesitated. "It is very seldom we disturb him, sir.
Most of his friends understand that he is not available between nine
and two."
Bedient was embarrassed. The morning in the city had preyed upon him.
Realizing his discomfort, and the petty causes of it, he became
unwilling to leave. "I am not of New York and could not know. I think
you'd better tell Mr. Cairns and let him judge——"
The servant had reached the same conclusion. Bedient was shown into a
small room, furnished with much that was peculiarly metropolitan to
read…. He rather expected Cairns to rush from some interior, and
waited ten minutes, glancing frequently at the door through which the
servant had left…. His heart had bounded at the thought of seeing
David, and he smiled at his own hurt…. A door opened behind him. The
writer came forward quietly, with warm dignity caught him by both
shoulders and smilingly searched his eyes. Bedient was all kindness
again. "Doubtless his friends come in from Asia often," he thought.
"Andrew, it's ripping good to see you…. Why didn't you let me know
you were coming?"
"I didn't want you to alter your ways at all."
"You see, I have to keep these morning hours——"
"Go back—I'll wait gladly, or call when you like."
"Don't go away, pray, unless there is something you must do for the
next hour or so."
* * * * *
In waiting, Bedient did not allow himself to search for anything
theatric or unfeeling at the centre of the episode. Cairns had moved in
many of the world atmospheres, and had done some work which the world
noted with approval. Moreover, he had called from Bedient bestowals of
friendship which could not be forgotten…. "I have been alone and in
the quiet so much that I can remember," Bedient mused, "while he has
been rushing about from action to action. Then New York would rub out
anybody's old impressions."
As the clock struck, Cairns appeared ready for the street. He was a
trifle drawn about the mouth, and irritated. Having been unable to work
in the past hour, the day was amiss, for he hated a broken session and
an allotment of space unfilled. Still, Cairns did not permit the other
to see his displeasure; and the distress which Bedient felt, he
attributed to New York, and not the New Yorker….
The mind of David Cairns had acquired that cultivated sense of
authority which comes from constantly being printed. He was a
much-praised young man. His mental films were altogether too many, and
they had been badly developed for the insatiable momentary markets to
which timeliness is all. Very much, he needed quiet years to synthesize
and appraise his materials…. Bedient, he regarded as a luxury, and
just at this moment, he was not in the mood for one. Cairns drove
himself and his work, forgetting that the fuller artist is driven….
Luzon and pack-train memories were dim in his mind. He did not forget
that he had won his first name in that field, but he did forget for a
time the wonderful night-talks. A multitude of impressions since, had
disordered these delicate and formative hours. Only now, in his
slow-rousing heart he felt a restlessness, a breath of certain lost
delights.
It was a sappy May day. The spring had been late—held long in wet and
frosty fingers—and here was the first flood of moist warmth to stir
the Northern year into creation. Cairns was better after a brisk walk.
Housed for long, unprofitable hours, everything had looked slaty at
first.
"Where are you staying, Andrew?"
"Marigold."
"Why do you live 'way down there? That's a part of town for business
hours only. The heart of things has been derricked up here."
"I'm very sure of a welcome there," Bedient explained. "My old friend
Captain Carreras had Room 50, from time to time for so many years, that
I fell into it with his other properties. Besides, all the pirates,
island kings and prosperous world-tramps call at the Marigold. And
then, they say—the best dinner——"
"That's a tradition of the Forty-niners——"
"I have no particular reason for staying down there, even if I keep the
room. I'll do that for the Captain's sake…. I'm not averse to
breezing around up-town."
"Ah——" came softly from Cairns.
"I'd like to know some folks," Bedient admitted.
Cairns was smiling at him. "You'll have to have a card at my clubs.
There's Teuton's, Swan's and the Smilax down Gramercy way….
Perhaps we'd better stop in at the Swan's for a bite to eat. The idea
is, you can try them all, Andrew, and put up at the one you fit into
best——"
"Exactly," breathed Bedient.
"You won't like the Smilax overmuch," Cairns ventured, "but you may
pass a forenoon there, while I'm at work. Stately old place, with many
paintings and virgin silence. The women artists are going there more
and more——"
"I like paintings," said Bedient.
They walked across Times Square and toward the Avenue, through
Forty-second. Cairns waited for the quiet to ask:
"Andrew, you haven't found Her yet—The Woman?"
"No. Have you?"
"Did—I used to have one, too?"
"Yes."
"Andrew, do you think She's in New York?" Cairns asked.
"It's rather queer about that," Bedient answered. "I was watching a
rain-storm from the porch of the hacienda seven or eight days ago,
when it came to me that I'd better take the first ship up. I sailed the
next morning."
This startled Cairns. He was unaccustomed to such sincerity. "You mean
it occurred to you that She was here—the One you used to tell me about
in Asia?"
"Yes."
Cairns now felt an untimely eagerness of welcome for the wanderer. A
renewal of Bedient's former attractions culminated in his mind, and
something more that was fine and fresh and permanent. He twinged for
what had happened at the apartment…. Bedient was a man's man, strong
as a platoon in a pinch—that had been proved. He was plain as a sailor
in ordinary talk, but Cairns knew now that he had only begun to
challenge Bedient's finer possessions of mind…. Here in
New York, a man over thirty years old, who could speak of the
Woman-who-must-be-somewhere. And Bedient spoke in the same ideal,
unhurt way of twenty, when they had spread blankets together under
strange stars… Cairns knew in a flash that something was gone from
his own breast that he had carried then. It was an altogether uncommon
moment to him. "So it has not all been growth," he thought. "All that
has come since has not been fineness."… He felt a bit denied, as if
New York had "gotten" to him, as if he had lost a young prince's
vision, that the queen mother had given him on setting out…. He was
just one of the million males, feathering nests of impermanence, and
stifling the true hunger for the skies and the great cleansing
migratory flights….
All this was a miracle to David Cairns. He was solid; almost English in
his up-bringing to believe that man's work, and established affairs,
thoughts and systems generally were right and unimpeachable. He heard
himself scoffing at such a thing, had it happened to another…. He
stared into Bedient's face, brown, bright and calm. He had seen only
good humor and superb health before, but for an instant now, he
perceived a spirit that rode with buoyancy, after a life of loneliness
and terror that would have sunk most men's anchorage, fathoms deeper
than the reach of the longest cable of faith.
"I think I'm getting to be—just a biped…. I'm glad you came up….
Here we are at Swan's," said Cairns.
* * * * *
Like most writers, David Cairns was intensely interesting to himself.
His sudden reversal from bleak self-complacence to a clear-eyed view of
his questionable approaches to real worth, was strong with bitterness,
but deeply absorbing. He was remarkable in his capacity to follow this
opening of his own insignificance. It had been slow coming, but
ruthlessly now, he traced his way back from one breach to another, and
finally to that night in the plaza at Alphonso, when he had been
enabled to see service from a unique and winning angle, through the
pack-train cook. That was the key to his catching on; that, and his boy
ideals of war had lifted his copy from the commonplace. He remembered
Bedient in China, in Japan, and in his own house—how grudgingly he had
appeared in his working hours. He felt like an office-boy who has made
some pert answer to an employer too big and kind to notice. Now and
then up the years, certain warm thoughts had come to him from those
island nights, but he had forgotten their importance in gaining his
so-called standing.
Andrew Bedient was nothing like the man he had expected to find. He
remembered now that he might have looked for these rare elements of
character, since the boyhood talks had promised them, and power had
emanated from them…. Still, Bedient had grown marvellously, in
strange, deep ways. Cairns could not fathom them all, but he realized
that nothing better could happen to him than to study this man. Indeed,
his mind was fascinated in following the rich leads of his friend's
resources. He consoled himself for his shortcomings with the thought
that, at least, he was ready to see….
They talked as of old, far into the night. Cairns found himself
endeavoring with a swift, nervous eagerness to show his best to
Andrew Bedient, and to be judged by that best. He spoke of none of the
achievements which the world granted to be his; instead, the little
byway humanities were called forth, for the other to hear—buds of
thought and action, which other pressures had kept from fertilizing
into seed—the very things he would have delighted in relating to a
dear, wise woman. Something about Bedient called them forth, and Cairns
fell into new depths. "I thought it was pure sex-challenge which made a
man bring these things to a woman." (This is the way he developed the
idea afterward.) "But that can't be all, since I unfolded so to
Bedient…. He has me going in all directions like a steam-shovel."
Cairns was arranging a little party for his friend. In the meantime,
his productive quantity sank from torrent to trickle. His secretary,
who knew the processes of the writer's mind as the keys of his machine,
and had adjusted his own brain to them through many brisk sessions,
fell now through empty space. He had no resources in this room, where
he had been driven so long by the mental force of another. Having
suffered himself to be played upon, like the instrument before him, he
died many deaths from ennui…. So Cairns and the secretary stared
helplessly at each other across the emptiness; and New York rushed on,
with its mad business, singing spitefully in their ears: "You for the
poor-farms. You'll lose your front, and your markets. Your income is
suffering; the presses are waiting; editors dependent…."
Cairns left the house on the third morning after Bedient's coming,
having dictated two or three letters…. Bedient was across the street
from the Smilax Club in the little fenced-in park—Gramercy. Cairns
told his work-difficulty.
"Don't you think it would be good for you, David," Bedient asked, "to
let the subconscious catch up?"
Cairns was interested at once. "What do you mean?"
"I've been thinking more than a little about you and New York. One
thing is sure: New York is pretty much wrong, or I'm insane——"
"You're happy about it," Cairns remarked. "Tell me the worst."
"People here use their reflectors and not their generators," Bedient
said. "They shine with another's light, when they should be
incandescent. The brain in your skull, in any man's skull, is but a
reflector, an instrument of his deeper mind. There's your genius,
infinitely wiser than your brain. It's your sun; your brain, the moon.
All great work comes from the subconscious mind. You and New York use
too much moonshine."
Both men were smiling, but to Cairns, nevertheless, it seemed that his
own conscience had awakened after a long sleep. This wanderer from the
seas had twigged the brain brass which he had long been passing for
gold value. He saw many bits of his recent work, as products of
intellectual foppery. He recalled a letter recently received from an
editor; which read: "That last article of yours has caught on. Do six
more like it." He hadn't felt the stab before. He had done the
six—multiplied his original idea by mechanical means….
All things considered, it was rather an important affair—the party
that night at the Smilax Club. Cairns began with the idea of asking
ten people, but the more he studied Bedient's effect upon himself, the
more particular he became about the "atmosphere." Just the men he
wanted were out of reach, so he asked none at all, but five women. Four
of these he would have grouped into a sentence as "the most interesting
women in New York," and the fifth was a romantic novelty in a minor
key, sort of "in the air" at the Club.
So there were seven to sit down to the round table in the historic
Plate Room. The curving walls were fitted with a lining of walnut
cabinets. Visible through their leaded-glass doors, were ancient
services of gold and silver and pewter. The table streamed with light,
but the faces and cabinets were in shadow…. Directly across from
Bedient sat Beth Truba, the most brilliant woman his visioning eyes
ever developed.
The sight of her was the perfect stimulus, an elixir too volatile to be
drunk, rather to be breathed. Bedient felt the door of his inner
chambers swing open before fragrant winds. The heart of him became
greatly alive, and his brain in grand tune. It is true, she played upon
his faculties, as the Hindus play upon the vina, that strange,
sensitive, oriental harp with a dozen strings, of which the musician
touches but one. The other strings through sympathetic vibration
furnish an undertone almost like an æolian harmony. You must listen in
a still place to catch the mystic accompaniment. So it was in Bedient's
mind. Beth Truba played upon the single string, and the others
glorified her with their shadings. And the plaint from all humanity was
in that undertone, as if to keep him sweet.
She was in white. "See the slim iceberg with the top afire!" Cairns had
whispered, as she entered. Other lives must explain it, but the Titian
hair went straight to his heart. And those wine-dark eyes, now cryptic
black, now suffused with red glows like a night-sky above a
prairie-fire, said to him, "Better come over and see if I'm tamable."
"I can see, it's just the place I wanted to be to-night," she said,
taking her chair. "We're going to have such a good time!"
And Kate Wilkes drawled this comment to Cairns: "In other words, Beth
says, 'Bring on your lion, for I'm the original wild huntress.'"
Kate Wilkes was a tall tanned woman rather variously weathered, and
more draped than dressed. She conducted departments of large feminine
interest in several periodicals, and was noted among the "emancipated
and impossible" for her papers on Whitman. The romantic novelty was
Mrs. Wordling, the actress, and the other two women were Vina
Nettleton, who made gods out of clay and worshipped Rodin, and
Marguerite Grey, tall and lovely in a tragic, flower-like way, who
painted, and played the 'cello.
"Meeting Bedient this time has been an experience to me," Cairns said,
toward the end of dinner. "I called together the very finest people I
knew, because of that. He had sailed for ten years before I knew him.
That was nearly thirteen years ago. Not that there's anything in miles,
nor sailing about from port to port…. He has ridden for the English
since, through the great Himalayan forests—years so strange that he
forgot their passing…. We are all good friends; in a sense, artists,
together, so I can say things. One wants to be pretty sure when one
lets go from the inside. I didn't realize before how rarely this
happens with us.
"The point is, Bedient has kept something through the years, that I
haven't. I'm getting away badly, but I trust what I mean will clear
up…. Bedient and I rode together with an American pack-train, when
there was fighting, there in Luzon. He was the cook of the outfit, and
he took me in, a cub-correspondent. I look back now upon some of those
talks (with the smell of coffee and forage and cigarettes in the night
air) as belonging to the few perfect things. And last night and the
night before, we talked again——"
Cairns' eye hurried past Mrs. Wordling, but he seemed to find what he
wanted in the glances of the others, before he resumed:
"Without knowing it, Bedient has made me see that I haven't been
keeping even decently white, here in New York. I found out, at the same
time, that I couldn't meet him half-way, when he brought the talk
close. Back yonder in Luzon, I used to. Here, after the years, I
couldn't. Something inside is green and untrained. It shied before real
man-talk…. Bedient came into a fortune recently, the result of saving
a captain during a long-ago typhoon. His property is down in Equatoria,
where he has been for some months. So he has had a windfall that would
be unmanning to most, yet he comes up here, just as unspoiled as he
used to be——"
"David," Bedient pleaded, "you're swinging around in a circle. Be easy
with me."
"You've kept your boy's heart, that's what I'm trying to get at,"
Cairns added briefly.
Kate Wilkes dropped her hand upon Bedient's arm, and said, "Don't
bother him. It looks to me as if truth were being born. You'd have to
be a city man or woman to understand how rare and relishable such an
event is."
"Thanks, Kate," said Cairns. "It's rather difficult to express, but I
see I'm beginning to get it across."
"Go on, please."
Cairns mused absently before continuing:
"Probably it doesn't need to come home to anyone else, as it did to
me…. I've been serving King Quantity here in New York so long that
I'd come to think it the proper thing to do. Bedient has kept to the
open—the Bright Open—and kept his ideals. I listened to him last
night and the night before, ashamed of myself. His dreams came forth
fresh and undefiled as a boy's—only they were man-strong and
flexible—and his voice seemed to come from behind the intention of
Fate…. I wouldn't talk this way, only I chose the people here. I
think without saying more, you've got what I've been encountering since
Bedient blew up Caribbean way."
Cairns leaned back in his chair with a glass of moselle in his hand
and told about the big lands in Equatoria, about the two Spaniards,
Jaffier and Rey, trying to assassinate each other under the cover of
courtesy; about the orchestrelle, the mines and the goats. Cleverly, at
length, he drew Bedient into telling the typhoon adventure.
It was hard, until Beth Truba leaned forward and ignited the story.
After that, the furious experience lived in Bedient's mind, and most
of it was related into her eyes. When he described the light before the
break of the storm, how it was like the hall-way of his boyhood, where
the yellow-green glass had frightened him, Beth became paler if
possible, and more than ever intent. Back in her mind, a sentence of
Cairns' was repeating, "His voice seemed to come from behind the
intention of Fate."… Finally when Bedient told of reaching Equatoria,
and of the morning when Captain Carreras nudged bashfully—wanting his
arm a last time—Beth Truba exclaimed softly:
"Oh, no, that really can't all be true, it's too good!" and her
listening eyes stirred with ecstasy….
She liked, too, his picture of the hacienda on the hill…. The party
talked away up into the top of the night and over; and always when
Bedient started across (in his heart) to tame the wine-dark eyes—lo,
they were gone from him.
Kate Wilkes lived at the Smilax Club, as did Vina Nettleton, and, for
the present, Mrs. Wordling. The actress was recently in from the road.
Her play had not run its course, merely abated for the hot months. She
was an important satellite, if not a stellar attraction. About noon, on
the day following the party for Bedient, Mrs. Wordling appeared in the
breakfast room, and sat down at the table with Kate Wilkes, who was
having her coffee.
"What an extraordinary evening we had," the actress remarked. "David's
party was surely a success."
"Rather," assented Miss Wilkes, who felt old and nettled. She seemed of
endless length, and one would suppose that her clothes were designed so
that not one bone should be missed. Mrs. Wordling was not an especial
favorite with her.
"They made it up beautifully between them, didn't they?" the actress
observed, as she squeezed orange-juice into her spoon.
"What?"
"That story."
"Who?"
"Why, that story—that friendship, storm-at-sea, Equatoria story—done
jointly by Messrs. Cairns and Bedient."
"You think they rehearsed it, then?" Kate Wilkes asked softly.
"Why, of course. It unfolded like a story—each piling on clever
enthusiasm for the other."
There was a slight pause.
"And so you think David Cairns simulated that fine touch, about
discovering through his friend, what damage New York was doing him?"
Kate Wilkes' manner was lightly reflective.
"Of course. Don't you remember how he stumbled until you helped him
going?"
"You think—as I understand it——" Miss Wilkes had become queerly
penetrative, and spoke in a way that made one think of a beetle being
pinned through the thorax, "——that David Cairns merely used his
artistic intelligence for our entertainment; that Andrew Bedient is
merely an interesting type of sailor and wanderer who has struck it
rich?"
"Why, yes, Kate, that's the way it got over to me. We all know David
Cairns is selling everything he writes at a top-figure; that he is
eminently successful, quite the thing in many periodicals, finely
pleased with himself as a successful man——"
"Wordling," said Kate Wilkes, leaning toward her, "what kind of people
do you associate with in your work?"
"The best, dear,—always the best. People who think, and who love their
work."
Slowly and without passion the elder woman now delivered herself:
"People who think they think and who love themselves!… I have tried
to make myself believe you were different. You are not different,
Wordling. You are true to your kind, and not distinguished from them.
David Cairns never rehearsed a part with Andrew Bedient. Men as full of
real things as these two do not need rehearsals. Bedient came up from
his Island, and all unconsciously made his old companion realize that
he was not breathing the breath of life here in New York. Cairns wept
over it, and made up his mind to try again; and fine chap that he is,
he called a few of his friends together, to give us a chance to see the
thing as he saw it. I call it an honor that he invited me. I see you do
not. Unfortunately this is one of those differences of opinion which
are at the base of things…. Luck to you, Wordling," she finished,
rising. "I feel seedy and have a busy afternoon ahead."
Mrs. Wordling laughed delightedly, though boiling lava ran within and
pressed against the craters. Alone, she asked herself what Kate Wilkes
had done to get away with eccentricities, to which only those of
stardom are entitled.
"Hag," she muttered, after such conning.
* * * * *
Bedient was early abroad in the city, having felt entirely above the
need of sleep. He was less serene than usual, but with compensations.
There was a peculiar fear in his mind that New York was laughing at him
a bit. Perhaps, Cairns had pressed down a little too hard on the queer
unhurt quality he was alleged to possess. In a word, Bedient sensed the
humor of Mrs. Wordling, and could not yet know that she, of the entire
company, monopolized the taint.
The Smilax Club pleased him, and he had permitted Cairns to put him
up there.
That flame of a woman, Beth Truba, was the spirit of his every thought.
Her listening had drawn the soul from him. The great thing had
happened; and yet it was different from the way he had visioned it….
Never had a woman so startled him with the sense of the world's
fullness—in that she was in the world. That he had found her was his
first achievement, true reward of deathless faith; and yet it was all
so different. She was different. She had not known him.
In the amplitude of his wanderings, one conception had grown slightly
out of proportion. He saw this now, and smiled affectionately at the
old thought: "When The Woman appears, I shall not be alone in the
gladness of the moment."… Those were mountain-tops of dreaming upon
which he strode without reckoning. It would have been absurd, had Beth
Truba given him a sign. This was not India, nor the Dream Ranges….
She had faced life, lived it among the teeming elements of this vast
city. The world had wrought upon her, while she wrought her place in
the world. She was finished, an artist, a woman of New York, wise,
poised, brilliant. It was the world's ideals, and not those of the
silence and the spirit, altogether, that governed her manner and dress
and movement. She had not lived in the silence; therefore that which
was of the silence had been kept among the deep inner places of her
life. The secrets of her heart were deeper than mere man's leaden
fathomings. Even had he appeared unto her as an illumination—only Beth
Truba would have known.
He did not come into great peace in her presence. No matter what she
dreamed of, or desired, the lover could only come to her in the world's
approved ways. So, all the accumulated beauty of idealism counted
nothing in this first stage of Bedient's quest. Instead of the peace of
her presence, he was filled with restless energies, past all precedent.
Quite in a boyish way, he wanted to do things for her, huge and little
things, forgetting not the least, and performing each succeeding action
with a finer art.
Beth Truba was the first woman who ever appealed to Bedient, without
recalling in some way the Adelaide passion. There was hardly a trace of
that element in the new outpouring. If it is true that a woman calls
from man a love-token in her own image, Beth Truba was marble cold. The
larger part of his first giving was above the flesh, a passion to
bestow beautiful things, the happiness of others. That she might ever
have any meaning to him beyond receiving these gifts, scarcely entered,
as yet, his thrilled consciousness. It had startled him that she was
seemingly free; that she had reached full womanhood in solitary empire.
He dared be glad of this, but he could not grasp it, unless she were
vowed to spinsterhood by some irrevocable iron of her will; or perhaps
some king of men had come, and she had given her word…. Bedient could
not understand how any discerning masculine mind could look upon Beth
Truba, and go his way without determining his chance. He felt (and here
he was "warm," as they say in the children's game) that David Cairns
must be one of the men who had seen Beth Truba and not conquered.
Perhaps Cairns would tell him regarding these things, but they were
altogether too sacred to broach, except in the finest possible moment.
He had returned to the club early in the afternoon, and was standing at
one of the windows, his eyes turned toward the green square opposite.
He was thinking of the enchantress, and how she would admire the
shower-whipped hills of Equatoria and all that wild perfumed beauty….
His name was softly spoken by one of the regal shadows of the night
before, Marguerite Grey.
"If I hadn't seen you or Mr. Cairns again," she began, "I'd have come
to think of last night almost as a dream."
"That's queer, Miss Grey," he answered, taking her hand. "It's like a
dream to me, too."
"I didn't feel like working to-day," she said. "The routine appalled
me, so I came over to look in upon Vina Nettleton. Her studio is above.
Have you seen her 'Stations of the Cross'?"
"No."
"Her four years' task—for the great Quebec cathedral?… You really
must. It's an experience to watch her work, and Vina's worth
knowing—pure spirit…. Would you like to go up with me?"
Alternating fascinations possessed Bedient, as the elevator carried
them upward…. These were his real playmates, these people of pictures
and statues. He had come a long way through different lights and
darkness to find them. He did not know their ways of play, but well
knew he should like them when he learned, and that their play would
prove prettier than any he had ever known…. And this tall, still
woman beside him—almost as tall as he, of rarest texture, and with a
voice sensuously soft, having that quality of softness which
distinguishes a charcoal from a graphite line—this woman seemed
identified in some remoteness of mind with long-ago rainy days, of
which there had been none too many…. Her voice seemed to lose
direction in his fancy, loitering there, strangely enticing…. "Would
you like to go up with me?"… And these were Beth Truba's friends….
A bell was touched in the high hall, and Vina Nettleton's plaintive
tone trailed forth:
"Won't you come right in—please—into my muddy room?"
A large room opening upon a steel fire-frame, where two could sit, and
a view of the city to the North. Commandingly near on the left arose
the Metropolitan Tower. The studio itself had an unfinished look, with
its step-ladders and scaffolding and plaster-panels. In the midst of
such ponderous affairs, stood a frail creature in a streaky blouse,
exhibiting her clayey hands and smiling pensively. It was only when you
looked at the figures in the panels, and at the models in clay, that
Vina Nettleton appeared to belong to these matters of a contractor.
Marguerite Grey was saying:
"When I get too weary, or heart-sick, tired of my own work, in the
sense of being bored by its commonness——"
"Wicked woman," murmured Vina.
"When the thought comes that I should be a cashier in a restaurant,"
the other went on, in her sadly smiling way, speaking altogether to
Bedient, "I come to this place. Here is an artist, Mr. Bedient. Vina
has been working at these things for two years. She has still two years
to finish within her contract. These are her prayers; they will live in
the transept of a great cathedral."
"Don't mind the Grey One, Mr. Bedient," Vina Nettleton said lightly.
"We are dear friends."
Bedient lost himself in the study of the veins which showed through the
delicate white skin of Vina's temples. He was moved to personal
interest by this woman's work. The room was intense with the figures
about, and the artist's being. He was sure Marguerite Grey did not know
all that concerned her friend, the full meaning, for instance, of the
shadows that began at the inner corners of her eyes and flared like
dark wings outward. There was something tremendous in the frail, small
creature, an inner brightness that shone forth through her white skin,
as light through porcelain. Bedient granted quickly that there was
power here to make the world remember the name of Vina Nettleton; but
he knew she was not giving all to these creatures of clay. He had
never sensed such a mingling of emotions and spirit…. "Pure spirit,"
the Grey One had said. Possibly it was so to the world, but he would
have said that the spirit of Vina Nettleton was fed by emotion—seas,
woods, fields, skies and rivers of emotion—and that mighty energies,
unused by the great task, roamed in nightly anguish.
Bedient moved raptly among the panels. He wondered how the artist had
made the light fall upon the dull clay, always where the Christ stood
or walked or hung…. "And how did you know He had such beautiful
hands?" he asked.
Vina Nettleton looked startled, and the Grey One came closer, saying:
"I'm glad you see that. To me the hands are a particular achievement.
Do you notice the fine modelling at the outer edges of the palms, and
the trailing length of the fingers?"
"Yes," said Bedient, "as if you could not quite tell where the flesh
ended and the healing magnetism began."
Vina Nettleton sat down upon one of the steps of a ladder and stared at
him. The Grey One added:
"And yet you cannot say they are overdone. They are the hands of an
artist, but not assertively so."
"It is my limitation that I don't know," he said, "but how is that
effect obtained, that suggestion of psychic power?"
"Part is your sensitiveness of eye and understanding," the Grey One
answered, "and the rest comes from our little woman making a prayer of
her work; from taking an image of Him and the Others into the dark; of
light, ascetic sleep and putting away the dreams of women——"
Scarlet showed under the transparent skin of the Nettleton temples
now—as if putting away the dreams of women were not an unqualified
success.
"It is all interesting. I am grateful to you both for letting me come,"
Bedient said with strange animation, eager yet full of hesitancy. "More
wonderful than the hands, is the Face, which Miss Nettleton has kept
averted throughout her entire idea. That's the way the Face appears to
me. The disciples and the multitudes must have seen it so, except on
rare, purposeful occasions…. He must have been slight and not tall,
and delicate as you see Him. It was not that He lacked physical
endurance, but He was worn, as those about Him did not understand, with
constant inner agony. That was His great weariness…. It was not an
imposing Figure. Nothing about Him challenged the Romans. They were but
abandoned boys who bowed to the strength that roars, and the bulk that
makes easy blood-letting. Even in custody, He was beneath the notice of
most Romans, so inflamed and brutish from conquest were they; and
Pilate, though the Tragic Instrument, was among the least ignoble of
them——'"
Bedient felt vaguely the interest of Vina Nettleton in what he was
saying. It was a remarkable moment. His mind was crowded with a hundred
things to say; yet he was startled, diffident, in spite of the joy of
speaking these things aloud.
"What a hideous time of darkness!" he added in the silence. "The Jews
were but little better than the Romans. They were looking for a king, a
Solomon sort of king with temples and trappings and sizable
authorities. Isn't it divine irony, that the Messianic Figure should
appear in the very heart of this racial weakness of the Jews? And their
lesson seems still unlearned. New York brings this home to-day…. So,
to the Jews and the Romans, He was insignificant in appearance. His
beauty was spiritual, which to be recognized, requires spirituality—a
feminine quality.
"And among the disciples: Hasn't it occurred to you again and again how
their doubting egos arose, when His face was turned away? Poor fellows,
they were bothered with their stomachs and their places to sleep; they
quarrelled with the different villagers, and doubtless wished
themselves back a hundred times to their fishing-banks and kindred
employments, when the Christ moved a little apart from them. I can see
them (behind His back), daring each other to approach and make known
their fancied injustices and rebellions. It was so with the multitudes
before they looked upon His countenance.
"But when He turns, whether in sorrow or in anger, the look is
invincible…. That is always true, whether the Face is turned upon
one, or the Twelve, or the multitude—in the crowded market-place, or
by the sea where the many were fed, or on the Mount—perfect tributes
of silence answered His direct attention, and all spiteful, petty ego
outcroppings vanished…. So there were two Figures: One, a man,
slender, tired and tortured; and an Angel Countenance, before whose
lustrous communications all men were abased according to their spirit."
He paused, but the women did not speak….
"Dear God, how lonely He was!" Bedient said after a moment, as he
regarded a picture of the Christ alone on the Mount, and the soldiers
ascending to make the arrest "There were two who might have sustained
in His daily death agonies. I have always wished they could have been
near Him throughout the Passion. They would not have slept, that
darkest of nights while He prayed! I mean Saint Paul, who of course did
not see the Jesus of history, and John the Baptist, who was given to
know Him but an hour at the beginning. They were the greatest mortals
of those days…. They were above the attractions of women of flesh. Do
you see what I mean? They were humanly complete, beyond sex! Their
grandeur of soul meant a union within themselves of militant manhood
and mystic womanhood. Illumination really means that. They could have
sustained and ministered unto the Christ with real tenderness.
"Invariably, I think, this is true: It is a woman, or the woman in
man that recognizes a Messiah…. Look at those males of singing
flesh—the ultra-masculine Romans—how blind and how torpid they were
to Him; and the materialistic Jews, ponderously confronting each other
with stupid forms and lifeless rituals, while their Marys and Magdalens
and Miriams followed the Master and waited upon Him!… I always found
a kind of soulful feminine in John, the apostle—not the Forerunner,
but the brother of James. He was weak in those days of the Passion, but
became mighty afterward, and divinely tender, the apostle whom Jesus
loved, to whom he intrusted His Mother…. But look into the
arch-feminine ideal of the Christ Himself—that night on the Mount of
Olives, when all Earth's struggle and anguish passed through Him,
clothing itself with His pity and tenderness, before it reached the eye
of the Father. What ineffable Motherhood!"
The room wrought strangely upon Bedient. He had never spoken at such
length before, nor so eagerly. Vina Nettleton spoke for the first time
almost, since she had welcomed him. "You help me greatly," she said
with difficulty. "I cannot tell you exactly. I didn't know why, but
last night I hoped you would come here. Oh, it wasn't to help me with
this—not selfishly in the work, not that—but I seemed to know you
knew the things you have said just now."
Bedient was thrilled by her sincerity…. The low voice of the Grey One
now repeated:
"Spirituality, a feminine quality?"
"To me, always," said Bedient, his eyes lit with sudden enthusiasm.
"The Holy Spirit is Mystic Motherhood. It is divinely the feminine
principle…. Look at the world's prophets, or take Saint Paul, for he
is in finished perspective. Completely human he is, unconquerable
manhood ignited by the luminous feminine quality of the soul. There he
stands, the man born again of the Holy Spirit, or Mystic Motherhood….
Now look at Jesus, a step higher still, and beyond which our vision
cannot mount. Here is the prophet risen to Godhood—the union of Two,
transcendent through that heavenly mystery—the adding of a Third!
Doesn't it clear for you startlingly now? It did for me. Here is the
Three in One in Jesus—the Godhood of the Father, the manhood of the
Son, and the Mystic Motherhood of the Holy Spirit. So in the radiance
of the Trinity—Jesus arose—'the first fruits of them that slept.'"
There was a light knock at the door. The face of the Grey One was like
a wraith, motionless and staring at him. Vina Nettleton looked up from
her soiled hands, which had streaked her face…. She moved suddenly to
the door, but did not touch it.
"Go away," she said intensely. "I can see no one."
Her eyes seemed to burn along the frame. There was no answer from
without, but a light step turning away…. Assured that the visitor was
gone, Vina turned back to Bedient.
"We mustn't be interrupted—nor must you go yet," she said with effort.
"I don't think anything ever happened to me so important. Oh, I don't
mean for my work; believe me in that, won't you? Since a little girl,
I have thought of these things. And here for two years they have been
about me. To me the Third of the Trinity has been as a voice calling
out of darkness. They told me when I was a bit of a girl that It was
not for me to understand, and that terrible men committed the deadly
sin of blasphemy through It——"
"Poor child," Bedient said, smiling at her. "They didn't know. Could
anything be lovelier for one to think about? The Holy Spirit as the
source of the divine principle in Woman, and Woman ever so eager to
give the spiritual loaf to man! That's the richest thought to me. After
that is realized, all one's thinking must adjust itself to it; as in
Hindu minds, all thoughts adjust to reincarnation, and flow from it….
There is a tender glow of spirit, a sort of ignition of the narrative,
in every instance where a woman approaches the Christ in His mission on
earth. And men seem to find no meaning in these wonderful things….
The women of this world are the symbols and the vessels of the Holy
Spirit. It is only through woman's love that It can be given to the
race. I like to think of it this way: As a woman brings a child to her
husband, the father, so the Holy Spirit—Mystic Motherhood—is bringing
the World to God, the Father. And Jesus is the first fruits."
The women regarded each other in silence. Bedient stayed, until the
tardy May dusk effaced the city, all but the myriad points of light.
Beth Truba awoke late. Goliath of Gath had just fallen with obituary
hiccoughs and a great clatter of armor…. She sat up, and reviewed
recent events backward. The stone had sunk into the forehead. David
came down to meet the giant smiling. There was no anger about it. The
stone had been slung leisurely. Before that, the boy had been brought
in from his sheep-herding to be anointed king. Samuel had seen it in a
vision, and not otherwise…. David found Saul's armor irksome, took up
his staff, and went to the brook for good, sizable stones, just as if
he had spied a wolf slavering at the herds from the brow of the
hill….
Beth laughed, and wondered why the Bible story had come back in her
dream. There seemed no clue, not even when she contemplated the events
of the rather remarkable evening preceding. Many minutes afterward,
however, arranging her hair, she found herself repeating:
"Now he was ruddy, and withal, of a beautiful countenance." Finally
it came to her, and she was pleased and astonished: Throughout the
evening, Beth had felt that some Bible description exactly fitted in
her mind to the new impression of Bedient, but she could not think of
it then. Her effort had brought it forth in the night, and the whole
story that went with it.
Beth drank a bottle of milk, ashamed of the hour, though she had not
slept long. She loved mornings; New York could never change her delight
in the long forenoon. She was at work at two, and undisturbed for two
hours. Beth's studio was the garret of an old mansion, a step from
Fifth Avenue in the Thirties. Its effect, as one entered, was golden at
midday, and turned brown with the first shadows.
Mrs. Wordling called at four. For a woman who had been scornfully
analyzed by Kate Wilkes (who really could be vitriol-tongued) and
ordered away from Vina Nettleton's door like an untimely beggar, Mrs.
Wordling looked remarkably well. In point of fact, Mrs. Wordling was
ungovernably pretty. Moreover, she knew Kate Wilkes well enough to
understand that she was too busy to sketch the characters of other
women except for their own benefit. As for Vina Nettleton, the
cloistered, she could do as she liked, being great in her calling;
besides, a woman who had a man-visitor so rarely as Vina Nettleton,
might be expected to become snappy and excited. Bedient was proving a
rather stiff drug. Mrs. Wordling now wished to observe his action upon
Beth Truba. "I'll appear to regard it as a perfectly lady-like party,
which it was," she mused, in the dingy interminable stairways,—the
elevator being an uncertain quantity—"and run no risk of being thrown
three nights."
"Beth, you're looking really right," Mrs. Wordling enthused.
"So good of you," said Beth. "Must be lovely out, isn't it?… The
poster will be ready in three or four days…. Didn't we have a good
time at David's party?"
"Such a good time——"
"Really must have, since we stayed until an unconscionable hour.
Half-past two when we broke up——"
"All of that, Beth."
The artist looked up from her work. Mrs. Wordling's acquiescences
seemed modulated. The "Beths" were no more frequent than usual,
however. The artist had grown used to this from certain people. It
appeared that her name was so to the point, that many kept it juggling
through their conversation with her, like a ball in a fountain…. The
poster, Beth had consented to do in a weak moment. It was to be framed
for theatre-lobbies. People whom Beth painted were seldom quite the
same afterward to her. She seemed to learn too much. She had greatly
admired Mrs. Wordling's good nature at the beginning. There was no
objection now; only the actress had given her in quantity what had
first attracted, and quantity had palled. Beth often wished she did not
discern so critically…. Just now she divined that her caller wanted
to discuss Cairns' friend. The result was that Mrs. Wordling left after
a half-hour, with Bedient heavier and more undeveloped than ever in her
consciousness. Always a considerable social factor in her theatrical
companies, Mrs. Wordling was challenged by the people of the Smilax
Club. She was not getting on with them, and the thought piqued.
Bedient, who had not greatly impressed her, had apparently struck
twelve with the others. Therefore, he became at once both an object and
a means. There was a way to prove her artistry….
Beth went on with her painting, the face of another whom she had found
out. And painting, she smiled and thought. She was like a pearl in the
good North light. Across the pallor of her face ran a magnetic current
of color from the famous hair to the crimson jacket she wore, pinned at
the throat by a soaring gull, with the tiniest ruby for an eye….
David Cairns called. He seemed drawn and nervous. Obviously he had come
to say things. Beth knew his moods.
"David, we had a memorable time last night, you know that," she said.
"You know, too, that I have been, and am, friendly to Mrs. Wordling. As
the party turned out, I'm interested to know just how you came to
choose the guests. We drew rather close together for New Yorkers——"
"That's a fact."
"But the Grey One is engaged to be married. In theory, Kate Wilkes is a
man-hater. Dear little Vina is consecrated to her 'Stations' for two
years more. Eliminate me as, forborne, a spinster…. Yet you told me
two or three days ago that you wouldn't be surprised if your friend
took his lady back——"
"That may be true, Beth," he interrupted. "But I spoke hastily. It
sounds crude and an infringement now. I really didn't know Bedient——"
"When you invited your guests—Mrs. Wordling?"
"I should have consulted someone——"
"Not at all, David. It was eminently right. I am not criticising, just
interested."
"I've been revoluting inside. Mrs. Wordling happened three days ago,
when I was first thinking out the party. I didn't know we were to get
into real things. 'Ah, here's a ripe rounding influence,' said I. 'Do
come, Mrs. Wordling.' Maybe I did figure out the contrast she
furnished. She's friendly and powerfully pretty and, why, I see it now,
one of the Wordlings of this world would have taken Andrew Bedient into
camp years ago, if he were designed for that kind of woman. Why, that's
the kind of woman he doubtless knows——"
"Do you know what I think?" Beth inquired. "I think you should be
punished for using Mrs. Wordling or anyone else as a foil. That's a
Wordl—a woman's strategy."
"I know it, Beth," Cairns said excitedly. "But I didn't think of it
until afterward. I wouldn't do it again."
She was startled, saw too late that this was no time for showing him
his crudities.
"You're a dear boy——" she began.
"No, I'm not, Beth. Oh, it isn't the only thing—that has been rammed
home to me…. Me; there's so much me mixed up in my mind, so much
tiresome and squalid me, that I wonder every decent person hasn't cut
me long since for a bore and a nuisance. Why, I had become all puny and
blinded—my stomach, my desires, markets, memories, ambitions,
doubts, rages, rights, poses and conceits. I really need to tell some
one, to unveil before some one who won't wince, but treasure the little
moral residuum——"
"You have done well to come to Beth," she said, leaning forward and
patting his shoulder with the thin stem of her brush, though a woman
always feels her years when a man brings woes such as these to her….
It was Beth's weakness (or strength) that she could never reveal the
intimacies of her heart. Only sometimes in half-humorous generalities,
she permitted things to escape, thinking no one understood.
"Thanks, Beth. I'm grateful," Cairns said. "I seem to have missed for a
long time the bigger dimension in people, books, pictures, faces, even
in the heart. It's a long time since I set out this way, a down-grade,
and the last few days, I've heard the rapids. I'm going back, as far
and as fast as I can up-stream. And this is no lie; no pose."
"I repeat, you're a dear boy——"
"Oh, it's Bedient who jerked me up straight. I'd have gone on…. And
to think I made him wait over an hour, when he first called…. He's
the finest bit of man-stuff I've ever known, Beth."
She found herself relieved, that he had given to the stranger the
praise.
"… And, Beth, if you want to dig for his views, you'll get them. He
says New York plucks everything green; opinionates on the wing, makes
personal capital out of another's offering, refusing to wait for the
fineness of impersonal judgment. He asks nothing more stimulating than
the capacity to say on occasion, 'I don't know,' flat and unqualified.
He sees everywhere, the readiness to be clever instead of true. So many
New Yorkers, he says, are like fishes, that, knowing water, disclaim
the possibility of air.
"You know, Beth, Bedient never encountered what America was thinking
and reading, until a few months ago down on his Island.
We are editorialists in the writing game, he declares,
what-shall-I-write-about-to-day-folks! We don't wait for fulness, but
wear out brain thin bandying about what drops on it. If we would wait
until we were full men, we would have to write, and not drive
ourselves to the work——"
"Oh, I do believe that!" Beth said. "We need to be reminded of that."
"That we is very pretty, Beth," Cairns went on. "…Such a queer
finished incident happened yesterday. I hunted up Bedient at noon, and
we talked about some of these matters. And then we met Ritchold for
luncheon. It was at Teuton's. I took Bedient aside and whispered with
a flourish, 'One of our ten-thousand-a-year editors, Andrew.'… 'What
makes him worth that?' he asked. 'He knows what the people want,' I
replied. Can you see us, Beth?…
"The luncheon was interesting. Bedient and Ritchold got together
beautifully. The talk was brisk and big, just occasionally cutting the
edges of shop. Both men came to me afterward. 'Splendid chap, your
friend,' Ritchold said. 'A man who has seen so much and can talk so
well, ought to write. Thanks for meeting him.'
"'I was very glad to meet Mr. Ritchold,' Bedient remarked later—hours
later—after I had given up hope of hearing on the subject. 'I think he
shows where one trouble lies…. It's in him and his kind, David. His
periodical sells to the great number. He is a very bright man, and his
art is in knowing what the great number wants. Being brighter, and of
finer discernment, than those who buy his product, he debases his taste
to make his organs relish the coarser article. That's the first
evil—prostituting himself…. Now a people glutted with what it wants
is a stagnant people. Its only hope is in such men as Ritchold leading
them to the higher ways. In refusing, he wrongs the public—the second
evil…. Again, in blunting his own sensibilities and catering to the
common, he stands as a barrier between the public and real creative
energy. He and the public are one. A prostituted taste and a stagnant
popular mind are alike repelled by reality. Rousing creative power
glances from them both. So his third evil is the busheling and harrying
of genius…. There he stands, forcing genius to be common, to appear,
paying well and swiftly only for that which is common. Genius writhes a
bit, starves a bit, but the terrible needs of this complicated life
have him by the throat until he cries "Enough," and presently is
common, indeed.'"
"He need not have spoken of writing only," Beth remarked. "They must
have taught him to see things clearly in the Orient…. You know,
David, I found it hard last night, and a little now, to fix his point
of view and his power to express it, with the life of outdoor men, the
'enlisted,' as he says, rather than the 'commissioned' folk of this
world."
"He has done much reading, but more thinking," Cairns declared. "He has
been much alone, and he has lived. He sees inside. 'The great books of
the world are little books,' he said recently, 'books that a pocket or
a haversack will hold. You don't realize what they have given you,
until you sit down in a roomful of ordinary books and see how tame and
common the quantities are.' And it's true. Look at the big men of few
books. They learned to look inside of books they had! He knows the
Bible, and the Bhagavad Gita."
"Oh, I'm beginning to understand," Beth exclaimed. "Nights alone with
the Bible and the Bhagavad Gita, and one's schooldays—a weathering
from the open and seasoning from the seas. Men have such chances to
learn the perils and passions of the earth, but so few do…. I see it
now. It isn't remarkable that we find him poised and finished, but that
he should have had the inclination naturally—a child among
sailors—for the great little books of the world, and through them and
his nights alone, to have kept his balance and builded his power."
"That's the point, Beth. New York is crowded with voyagers, and men of
mileage to the moon, but what made this powerful unlettered boy look
for the inside of things? What made him different from the packers and
cooks and sailors around the world, boys of the open who never become
men except physically?"
Beth answered: "I think we'll find that has to do with Mr. Bedient's
mother, David."
"I know he'd be thrilled to hear you say that."
"Is she still living?"
"No, or he'd be with her…. He has never spoken to me of her. And yet
I'm sure she is the unseen glow upon his life. I think he would tell
you about her. Only a woman could draw that from him…. He saw no
one but you last night; did all his talking to you, Beth."
"I'm the flaringest, flauntingest posy in the garden. I call the bees
first," she said dryly, but there was a flitting of ghostly memories
through her mind. "And then I'm an extraordinary listener."
"Beth," he said solemnly, "no one knows better than I, that it is you
who send the bees away."
She laughed at him. "We found each other out in time, David…. Too
much artist between us. We'd surely taint each other, don't you see?"
"I never could see that——"
"That's being polite; and one must be polite…. We are really fine
friends, better than ever after to-day, and that's something for a pair
of incomplete New Yorkers."
There was a pause.
"Beth," said Cairns. "Shall I bring Bedient over to-morrow?"
"No, please. At least not to-morrow."
He was surprised. Beth saw it; saw, too, that he had observed how
Bedient talked to her last night. Mrs. Wordling had not missed comment
here…. Cairns must not think, however, that she would avoid Andrew
Bedient. She fell into her old resource of laughing at the whole
matter.
"I can't afford to take any chances, David. He's too attractive.
Falling in love is pure dissipation to one of my temperament, and I
have too many contracts to fill. I'm afraid of your sailor-man. Think
of the character you built about him to-day in this room. If he didn't
prove up to that, what a pity for us all! And if he did, what a pity
for poor Beth, if he started coming here!… Anyway, I've ceased to be
a bachelor-girl. I'm a spinster…. That word hypnotizes me. I'm all
ice again. I shall know Mr. Bedient ethically and not otherwise."
Cairns laughed with her, but something within hurt. His relation with
Beth Truba had been long, and increasingly delightful, since the ordeal
of becoming just a friend was safely past. He realized that only a
beautiful woman could speak this way, even in fun to an old friend….
His work dealt with wars, diplomacy and politics; his fictions were
twenty-year-old appeals, so that Beth felt her present depth of mood to
be fathoms deeper than his story instinct.
"You know, David, I've said for years there were no real lovers in the
world," she went on lightly. "But your friend was full of touches last
night such as one dreams of: that colored pane in the hall-way, when he
was a little boy somewhere, and the light that frightened him from
it…. 'One of the Chinese knifed me, but he died.'… That big 'X' of
the Truxton flung stern up, as she sank; … and about the old
Captain wriggling his shoulder bashfully for his young friend's arm at
the last…. It is altogether enticing, in the light of what you have
brought to-day. Really you must take him away. Red-haired spinsters
mustn't be bothered, nor imprisoned in magic spring weather. When does
he return to his Island?"
"He hasn't spoken of that, but I do know, Beth, that Bedient will never
sink back into the common, from your first fine impressions. I've known
him for years, you see——"
She put down her brush and said theatrically, "I feel the fatal
premonitive impulses…. Spinster, spinster; Beth Truba, spinster!…
That's my salvation."
"You're the finest woman I know," Cairns said. "You know best, but I
doubt if Bedient will go back to Equatoria without seeing more of
you——"
"Did he speak of such a thing?"
"That isn't his way——"
"I am properly rebuked."
… Cairns was at the door. "Did you say, Beth, that the Grey One is
engaged to be married?"
"Pure tragedy. The man is fifty and financial…. She's a courageous
girl, but I think under her dear smile is a broken nerve. She has about
reached the end of her rope. The demand for her work has fallen off.
One of those inexplicable things. She had such a good start after
returning from Paris. And now with Handel's expensive studio, probably
not less than three thousand a year for that, debt and unsought
pictures are eating out her heart. There's much more to the story—I
mean leading up. Help her if you can, or she must go to the arms and
house of a certain rich man…. What a blithe thing is Life, and how
little you predatory men know about it!"
They regarded each other, their thoughts poised upon an If. Beth
spoke first:
"If your friend——"
"But Bedient didn't look into the eyes of the Grey One when he told his
tale of the sea," Cairns said, leaving.
A few nights after the party, Bedient was left to his own devices,
Cairns being appointed out of town. He attended the performance of a
famous actress in Hedda Gabler…. Bedient was early. The curtain
interested him. It pictured an ancient Grecian ruin, a gloomy, heavy
thing, but not inartistic. Beneath was a couplet from Kingsley:
"So fleet the works of men, back to their earth again,
Ancient and holy things fade like a dream."
Sensitive to such effects, he sat, musing and contemplative, when
suddenly his spirit was imperiously aroused by the orchestra. The
'celli had opened the Andante from the C Minor Symphony. For ten
minutes, the music held his every sense…. It unfolded as of old, but
not its full message. There was a meaning in it for him! He heard the
three voices—man, woman and angel. It was the woman's tragedy. The
lustrous Third Presence was for her. The man's figure was obscure,
disintegrate…. Bedient was so filled with the mystery, that the play
had but little surface of his consciousness during the first act. He
enjoyed it, but could not give all he had. Finally, as Hedda was
ordering the young writer to drink wine to get "vine-leaves in his
hair," there was an explosion back of the scenes. Bedient, as did many
others, thought at first it belonged to the piece. The faces of the
players fell away in thick gloom, the voices sank into crazy echoes,
and the curtain went down. Bedient's last look at the stage brought him
the impression of squirming chaos. Fire touched the curtain behind,
disfiguring and darkening the pictured ruin. Then a woman near him
screamed. The back of a chair snapped, and now scores took up the
woman's cry.
The crowd caught a succession of hideous ideas: of being trapped and
burned, of inadequate exits, murderous gases, bodies piled at the
doors—all the detailed news-horror of former theatre disasters. And
the crowd did all it could to repeat the worst of these. Bedient
encountered an altogether new strength, the strength of a frenzied
mass, and to his nostrils came a sick odor from the fear-mad. The
lights had not been turned on with the fall of the curtain. Untrained
to cities, Bedient was astonished at the fright of the people, the
fright of the men!… The lines of Hedda recurred to him, and he
called out laughingly:
"Now's the time for 'vine-leaves in your hair,' men!"
He moved among the seats free from the aisle. A body lay at his feet.
Groping forward, his hand touched a woman's hair. He smiled at the
thought that here was one for him to help, and lifted her, turning to
look at the glare through the writhing curtain. There were voices
behind in that garish furnace; and now the lights filled the theatre
again. Bedient quickly made his way with others to a side exit, the red
light of which had not attracted the crowd.
The woman was light in his arms. She wore a white net waist, and her
brown hair was unfastened. She had crushed a large bunch of English
violets to her mouth and nostrils, to keep out the smoke and gas. A
peculiar thing about it was, Bedient did not see her face. In the
alley, he handed his burden to a man and woman, standing together at
the door of a car, and went back. One of the actors had stepped in
front of the stage, and was calling out that the fire was under
control, that there was no danger whatever. The roar from the gallery
passages subsided. Only a few were hurt, since the theatre was modern
and the main exit ample…. Bedient returned to the side-door but the
woman he had carried forth was gone, probably with the pair in the car.
He decided to see the end of Hedda Gabler another time. The
Andante, the Grecian ruin and vine-leaves were curiously blended in
his mind….
Though several days had passed since the Club affair, he had not seen
Beth Truba again. This fact largely occupied his thinking. He would not
telephone nor call, without a suggestion from her. The moment had not
come to bring up her name to David Cairns, who, since his talk with
Beth, had of course nothing to offer. So Bedient revolved in outer
darkness…. The morning after Hedda Gabler he found a very good
chestnut saddle-mare in an up-town stable, and rode for an hour or two
in the Park, returning to the Club after eleven. At the office, he was
told that Mrs. Wordling had asked for him to go up to her apartment, as
soon as he came in. Five minutes later, he knocked at her door.
"Is that you, Mr. Bedient?" she called. The voice came seemingly from
an inner room; a cultivated voice, with that husky note in it which
charms the multitude. Had he not a good mental picture of Mrs.
Wordling, he would have imagined some enchanted Dolores…. "How good
of you to come! Just wait one moment."
The door opened partially after a few seconds, and he caught the gleam
of a bare arm, but the actress had disappeared when he entered. Bedient
was in a room where a torrential shower had congealed into photographs.
"I can't help it," she said at last, emerging from the inner room,
unhooked…. "I've been trying to get a maid up here for the past
half-hour…. I think there's only three or four between the
shoulder-blades—won't you do them for me?"
She backed up to him bewitchingly…. Mrs. Wordling was in the
twenty-nine period. If the thing can be imagined, she gave the
impression of being both voluptuous and athletic. There was a rose-dusk
tone under her healthy skin, where the neck went singing down to the
shoulder, singing of warm blood and plenteous. Hers was the mid-height
of woman, so that Bedient was amusedly conscious of the length of his
hands, as he stood off for a second surveying the work to do.
"What's the trouble; can't you?"
There was a purring tremble in her tone that stirred the wanderer, only
it was the past entirely that moved within him. The moment had little
more rousing for him, than if he were asked to fasten a child's
romper…. Yet he did not miss that here was one of the eternal types
of man's pursuit—as natural a man's woman as ever animated a roomful
of photographs—a woman who could love much, and, as Heine added,
many.
"I'll just throw a shawl around, if you can't," she urged, nudging her
shoulder.
"Far too warm for shawls," he laughed. "I was only getting it straight
in my mind before beginning. You know it's tricksome for one accustomed
mainly to men's affairs…. There's one—I won't pinch—and the
second—anytime you can't find a maid, Mrs. Wordling—I'm in the Club a
good deal—there they are, if they don't fly open——" and his hands
fell with a pat on each of her shoulders.
Facing him, Mrs. Wordling encountered a perfectly unembarrassed young
man, and a calm depth of eye that seemed to have come and gone from her
world, and taken away nothing to remember that was wildly exciting….
At least three women of her acquaintance were raving about Andrew
Bedient, two artists with a madness for sub-surface matters having to
do with men. Mrs. Wordling believed herself a more finished artist in
these affairs. She wanted to prove this, while Bedient was the dominant
man-interest of the Club.
And now he surprised her. He was different from the man she had
pictured. Equally well, she could have located him—had he kissed her,
or appeared confused with embarrassment. Most men of her acquaintance
would have kissed her; others would have proved clumsy and abashed, but
none could have passed through the test she offered with both denial
and calm…. She wanted the interest of Bedient, because the other
women fancied him; she wanted to show them and "that hag, Kate Wilkes,"
what a man desires in a woman; and now a third reason evolved. Bedient
had proved to her something of a challenging sensation. He was
altogether too calm to be inexperienced. Every instinct had unerringly
informed her of his bounteous ardor, yet he had refrained. That which
she had seen first and last about him—the excellence of his masculine
attractions—had suddenly become important because no longer
impersonal. Mrs. Wordling was fully equipped to carry out her ideas.
"You did that very well," she said, dropping her eyes before his steady
gaze, "for one experienced only with men-matters. And now, I suppose
you want to know why I took the pains to ask you here; oh, no, not to
hook me up…. I didn't know you would get back so soon; I had just
left word a few moments before you came…. Wasn't it great the way a
dreadful disaster was averted at the Hedda Gabler performance last
night?… Did you see the morning paper?"
"No," said Bedient. "I was out early."
"Why, it appears that after the explosion, when everyone was crushing
toward the doors, some man in the audience took the words of Hedda
and steadied the crowd with them, as men and women struggled in the
darkness…. 'Now's the time for vine-leaves!' he called out. An
unknown—wasn't he lovely?"
She placed the paper before him, and he read a really remarkable
account of "the vine-leaf man" magnetizing the mob and carrying out a
fainting girl. It was absurd to him, though Ibsen's subtlety, queerly
enough, gave the story force…. No face of the audience had impressed
him; none had appeared to notice him in the dark. He wondered how the
newspaper had obtained the account…. There was a light, quick knock
at the door.
"It isn't very often that a newspaper story is gotten up so
effectively," Mrs. Wordling was saying. Apparently she had not heard
the knock. Her voice, however, had fallen in a half-whisper, more
penetrating than her usual low tones. "Do you suppose the hero will
permit his name to be known?"
The knock was repeated in a brief, that-ends-it fashion. Mrs. Wordling
with a sudden streak of clumsiness half overturned a chair, as she sped
to the door. Bedient did not at once penetrate the entire manoeuver,
but his nerve and will tightened with a premonition of unpleasantness.
Beth Truba was admitted. Quite as he would have had her do, the artist
merely turned from one to the other a quick glance, and ignored the
matter; yet that glance had stamped him with her conception of his
commonness.
"I could just as well have sent the poster over," Beth said, "but, as I
'phoned, it is well to see, if it suits exactly, before putting it out
of mind——"
"Lovely of you, dear. I'm so glad Mr. Bedient is here to see it!" Mrs.
Wordling's brown eyes swam with happiness.
Beth was in brown. Her profile was turned to Bedient, as she unrolled
the large, heavy paper…. The work was remarkable in its effect of
having been done in a sweep. The subtle and characteristic appeal of
the actress (so truly her own, that she would have been the last to
notice it) had been caught in truth and cleverly, the restlessness of
her empty arms and eager breast. The face was finer, and the curves of
the figure slightly lengthened; the whole in Beth's sweeping way,
rather masterful.
"Splendid!" Mrs. Wordling exclaimed, and to Bedient added: "It's for
the road. Isn't it a winner?"
"Yes, I do like it," Bedient said.
Beth was glad that he didn't enlarge.
"I must be on my way, then," she said. "I'm going into the country
to-morrow for the week-end…. We're getting the old house fixed up for
the winter. Mother writes that the repairs are on in full blast, and
that I'm needed. Last Saturday when I got there the plumbers had just
come. Very carefully they took out all the plumbing and laid it on the
front lawn; then put it back…. Good-by."
"Good-by, and thank you, Beth."
"I am glad that it pleases you, Mrs. Wordling." Her tone was pleasantly
poised.
Bedient missed nothing now. He did not blame Mrs. Wordling for using
him. He saw that she was out of her element with the others; therefore
not at her best trying to be one with them. In her little strategies,
she was quite true to herself. He could not be irritated, though he was
very sorry. Of course, there could be no explanation. His own innocence
was but a humorous aspect of the case. The trying part was that look in
Beth Truba's eyes, which told him how bored she was by this sort of
commonness.
Then there was to-morrow and Sunday with her away. In her brown dress
and hat, glorious and away.
Bedient went away, too.
Beth Truba hadn't the gift of talking about the things that hurt her.
She had met all her conflicts in solitudes of her own finding; and
there they had been consummated, like certain processes of nature, far
from the gaze of man. She had found the world deranged from every
girlish ideal. Full grown young men could be so beautiful to her
artist's eyes, that years were required to realize that these splendid
exteriors held more often than not, little more than strutting
half-truths and athletic vanities.
Whistler, the master, had entered the class-room unannounced, where
Beth was studying, as a girl in Paris. Glancing about the walls, his
eyes fastened upon a sketch of hers. He asked the teacher for the pupil
who did it, and uplifted Beth's face to his, touching her chin and
forehead lightly.
Then he whistled and said: "Off hand, I should say that you are to
become an artist; but now that I look closely into your face, I am
afraid you will become a woman."
Tentatively, she was an artist; she would not grant more…. A little
while before, she had been very close to becoming a woman. None but the
Shadowy Sister knew how near. (The Shadowy Sister was an institution of
Beth's—her conscience, her spirit, her higher self, or all three in
one. She came from an old fairy-book. A little girl had longed for a
playmate, even as Beth, and one day beside a fountain appeared a
Shadowy Sister. She could stay a while, for she loved the little girl,
but confessed it was much happier where she lived.)… Shadowy
Sisters for little girls who have no playmates, and for women who have
no confidantes.
Under Beth's mirth, during the recent talk with David Cairns, had been
much of verity. She was carrying an unhealed wound, which neither he
nor the world understood. In Andrew Bedient she had discerned a fine
and deeply-endowed nature—glimpses—as if he were some great woman's
gift to the world, her soul and all. But Beth's romantic nature had
been desolated so short a time ago, that she despised even her
willingness to put forth faith again…. Such fruit must perish on the
vine, if only common hands attend the harvest.
Women like Beth Truba learn in bitterness to protect themselves from
possibilities of disillusionment. They hate their hardness, yet
hardness is better than rebuilding sanctuaries that have been brutally
stormed. For one must build of faith, radium-rare to those who have
lost their intrinsic supply.
The Other Man had been a find of Beth's. He had come to her mother's
house years ago—a boy. He had seemed quick to learn the ways of real
people, and the things a man must know to delight a woman's
understanding. In so many ways, the finishing touches of manhood were
put upon him gracefully, that Beth gloried in the work of adding
treasures of mind and character. She had even made his place in the
world, through strong friends of her own winning.
Beth was a year or two older. The boy had grown splendid in appearance,
when she discovered she was giving him much that he must hold sacredly,
or inflict havoc upon the giver…. In moments when she was happiest,
there would come a thought that something would happen…. The young
man did not fully understand what caused the break. This may be the key
to the very limitation which made him impossible—this lack of delicacy
of perception. Certainly he did not know the greatness of Beth's
giving, nor the fineness she had come to expect from him…. She did
not exactly love him less, but rather as a mother than a maid, since
she had to forgive.
A woman may love a man whom she is too wise to marry. There are
man-comets, splendid, flashing, unsubstantial, who sweep into the zones
of attraction of all the planet sisterhood; but better, if one cannot
have a sun all to oneself, is a little cold moon for the companion
intimate…. Something that the young man had said or done was pure
disturbance to Beth, compatible with no system of development. She had
sent him from her, as one who had stood before her rooted among the
second-rate.
Only Beth knew the depth of the hurt. All the feminine of her had
turned to aching iron. The Shadowy Sister seemed riveted to a hideous
clanking thing, and all the dream-children crushed.
Her friends said: "Who would have thought that after making such a
man of her protégé, Beth would refuse to marry him? Ah, Beth loves
her pictures better than she could love any mere man. She was destined
to be true to her work. Only the great women are called upon to make
this choice. Nature keeps them virgin to reveal at the last unshadowed
beauty. This refusal is the signet of her greatness."
Beth heard a murmur of this talk and laughed bitterly.
"No," she said to her studio-walls. "It's only because Beth is a bit
choosey. She isn't a very great artist, and if she were, she wouldn't
hesitate to become Mrs. Right Man, though it made her falter forever,
eye and hand."
In her own heart, she would rather have had her visions of happiness in
children, than to paint the most exquisite flowers and faces in the
comprehension of Art…. For days, for weeks, she had remained in her
studio seeing no one. Some big work was rumored, and she was left alone
with understanding among real people, just as was Vina Nettleton….
But she was too maimed within to work. She wanted to rush off to Asia
somewhere, and bury herself alive, but pride kept her at home. As soon
as she was able to move and think coherently, she sought her few
friends again. Even her dearest, Vina Nettleton, had realized but a
tithe of the tragedy.
* * * * *
Beth Truba reached her studio again Monday noon. Among the letters in
her post-box, was one she felt instinctively to be from Andrew Bedient,
though it was post-marked Albany. She hesitated to open the letter at
first, for fear that he had attempted to explain his presence in Mrs.
Wordling's room. This would affix him eternally to commonness in her
mind. He had a right to go to Mrs. Wordling's room, but she had thought
him other than the sort which pursues such obvious attractions.
Especially after what Cairns had said, she was hurt to meet him
there…. Beth found herself thinking at a furious rate, on the mere
hazard that the letter was from Bedient….
Were there really such men in the world as the Bedient whom Cairns
pictured, and believed in? Personally, she didn't care to experiment,
but there was a strange reliance in the thought that there were such
men…. The fine nature she wanted to believe in—wouldn't have
written!… This one letter alone remained unopened—when the telephone
rang.
It was Cairns, who inquired if she had heard aught of his friend…. "I
reached town Saturday morning," Cairns went on, "and found a note that
he would be away for the day and possibly Sunday; didn't say where nor
why. He left no word at the Club. In fact, Mrs. Wordling called me just
now to inquire, volunteering that Bedient had been in her world Friday.
Excuse me for bothering you. I've an idea this is his way when a gale
is blowing in his brain. He pushes out for solitude and sea-room."
Beth had not offered to assist. The Albany letter might not be his. It
stared at her now from the library-table, full-formed black writing.
There were no two ways about a single letter. It was the writing of a
man who had not covered continents of white paper. "Miss Beth Truba"
had been put there to stay, with a full pen, and as if pleasing to his
sight. She was thinking—it would be well if Mrs. Wordling were always
inquiring; and that the day would be spoiled if he had undertaken to
explain things in this letter….
Beth crossed to the table, placed the paper-cutter under the flap and
slit it across. Just at this moment, the door of the elevator-shaft
opened on her floor—and her knocker fell. She tossed the letter under
the leather cover of the table, and admitted Vina Nettleton.
A new light had come into the studio of Vina Nettleton; and only when
at last the light became too strong, and the struggle too close, had
she left it to seek her friend Beth Truba. She had not been sleeping,
nor remembering to eat; but she had been thinking enough for seven
artists, in the long hours, when the light was bad for work. And now
the packing was worn from her nerve-ends, so that she wept easily, like
a nervous child, or a man undone from drink.
The new force of Andrew Bedient had found in her a larger sensitiveness
than even in David Cairns. That long afternoon which he had spent in
her place of working and living was to her a visitation, high above the
years. She had been amazed at the Grey One, for preserving a semblance
of calm. The gratefulness that she had faltered was but a sign of what
she felt.
The figures of Jesus in her room, she had been unable to touch. Bedient
had made her see the Godhood of the Christ. John the Baptist, who had
attained the apex of manhood and prophecy, had called himself unworthy
to loose the latchet of His shoes, and this before Jesus had put on the
glory of the Father.
All the others were amazingly nearer to her. She saw the bleak Iscariot
as never before, and his darkened mother emerged a step out of the
gloom of ages. The Romans moved, as upon a stage, before her, unlit
battling faces, clashing voices and armor; and the bearded Jews heavily
collecting and confuting. She saw the Eleven, and nearest the light,
the frail John, the brother of James,—sad young face and ascetic
pallor…. And in the night, she heard that great Voice crying in the
wilderness, that mighty Forerunner, the returned Elias; next to Christ
Himself, this Baptist, who leaped in the womb of the aged Elizabeth,
when the Mother of the Saviour entered her house in the hill country!
This cataclysmic figure, not of the "Stations," was dominant in the
background of them all. She saw him second to the Christ (for was he
not a prophet in the elder Scripture?) in being called to the Father's
Godhood; and Saint Paul, of that nameless thorn in the flesh, following
gloriously on the Rising Road!
There was a new and loving friendliness in the Marys. She could pray to
them, and wait for greater purity to image the Saviour, as they saw
Him…. And one night from her fire-frame, staring down into the lurid
precipices of the city, the awful question preyed upon her lips, "Are
you Jews and Romans that you must have again the blood of the Christ,
to show you the way to God?"… She was weeping, and would have
swooned, but something in her consciousness bade her look above. There
were the infinite worlds, immensities of time and space and evolving
souls; and urging, weaving, glorifying all, was the Holy Spirit, Mystic
Motherhood…. And back in the dark of her studio, she turned among
creations and visions and longings. Next morning she sat upon the floor
and wept, because she could not have her child of soul, only children
of clay…. Hours afterward she was fashioning a cross with her
fingers, and was suddenly crushed with anguish because she had not been
there to carry the cross for Him, to confront the soldiery and take the
cruel burden, and hear His Voice, Whom she knew now to be the Son of
God.
* * * * *
The women embraced in that rare way which is neither formal nor an
affectation. They had long liked and admired each other.
"Why, Vina,—it has been weeks—how did you manage to leave?"
"I haven't done much—for days," Vina said, ducking from under her huge
hat, and tossing it with both hands upon the piano-top. "Not since he
came up with the Grey One and spoiled my little old ideas. Let's have
some tea?"
Beth laughed at the other, until Vina moved into the circle of light,
and her face showed paler and more transparent than ever. She sat down
upon Beth's working-stool, elbows on knees, and stared trance-like at
her friend.
"Why, you dear little dreamer, what's the matter?" Beth asked quickly.
"Who is the destructive he?"
"The sailor-man David Cairns called us together to see. He's been in
the shadows among the panels ever since. What he said I keep hearing
again and again——"
Beth laughed at the remarkable way Bedient was besieging her own
studio, without appearing in person. "But Vina, you've been living like
a Hindu holy man, and no one can do that in New York, not even Hindus.
I order you to eat thrice daily and tire yourself physically——"
"I eat," Vina said, looking bored and helpless at the thought. "I eat
and I do enough physical work to tire a stone-mason——"
"But I can see through you to the bone! I think you only imagine you
take nourishment. Oh, Vina, I know your life—handling huge hard things
and making them lovely with pure spirit. I must take better care of
you. Tell me all about it, if it will help."
"Beth, please don't talk about pure spirit, meaning me. I used to be
able to stand it, but not any more. The Grey One does that. I seem to
suggest it to flesh and blood people…. I'm sure he didn't see me so.
He looked at me, as if to say, oh, I don't know what!… I wish I
were fish-cold! I'm all overturned…. I just met Mary McCullom on
the way over."
Beth had forgotten the name for the moment. She thought Vina was about
to tell her of Bedient.
"Don't you remember Mary McCullom, who tried painting for awhile,
painted one after another, discolored and shapeless children, wholly
bereft and unfortunate children?"
"Oh, yes," said Beth. "I heard she had married——"
"That's just it…. Do you remember how she used to look—pinched,
evaporated, as one looks in a factory blue-light? I remember calling
upon her, as she was giving up her last studio. We sat on a
packing-case, while they took out her pictures, one child after
another, foundlings which had come to her, and which no one would take
nor buy——"
"Vina, you're cruel to her!"
"Listen, and you'll see whom I'm cruel to…. I remember telling her
that day what a fearsome, ineffectual thing art is anyway…. How
spooky thin she looked, and her face was yellow in patches! My heart
was wrung with her, the image of a little woman with no place, no heart
to go to, all her dreams of girlhood turned to ghosts, fit only to run
from. Then she admitted that she might marry, that a man wanted her,
but her wail was that she was mean and helpless, a failure; as such it
was cowardly to let the man have her, hardly a square thing for a girl
to do. Well, I perked her up on that…. She took him; I don't even
know him by sight, but he's a man, Beth Truba! Mind you, here was a
woman who said she was so dismayed and distressed and generally bowled
over by living twenty-seven years, that she hadn't the heart left to
love anybody. But he took her, and he's a man——"
"That seems to charm you," Beth ventured. "'He took her, and he's a
man.'"
"It does, for I just left her, and she's a wicked flaunt of womanly
happiness. I tell you, she has been playing with angels, all daintily
plumped out, eyes shining, hands soft and white, her neck all round and
new, lips red, and her voice low and ecstatic with the miracle of it
all. And 'Oh, Vina,' she whispered, 'I almost die to think I might have
refused him! You helped me not to. He loves me, and oh, he's so
wonderful!'… I kissed her in an awed way—and asked about him….
'Oh, he's just a nurseryman—trees, you know, but he lo—we're so
happy!'… Oh, Beth," Vina finished in a lowered voice, "something
eternal, something immortal happens, when a man brings love to a
thirsting woman!"
"Not tea, but strong tea," Beth observed. "Perhaps you think that's a
pretty story—and perhaps it is," she added indefinitely.
Vina seemed hardly to hear. Many matters were revolving in her tired
mind, and as soon as she caught a loose end, she allowed words to come,
for there was some relief in thinking aloud.
"Hasn't the world done for us perfectly, Beth?" she demanded finally.
"Everything is arranged for men, to suit men—it's a man's world—and
we're foreigners. We're forced to stand around and mind, before we
understand. If we speak our own language, we're suspected of sedition.
And then we don't stand together. We're continually looking for some
kind male native, and only now and then one of us is lucky…. Hideous
and false old shames are inflicted upon us. We are hungry for many
things, but appear shameless, if we say so… Beth, has it ever
occurred to you that we come—I mean fair and normal women—we come
from a country where there are lots of little children—?"
"The kingdom of heaven, you mean, Vina?"
"Possibly that's it. And when we get here we miss them—want them
terribly. It's all through us—like an abstraction. We know the way
better than the natives here, but they have laws which make us
dependent upon them for the way…. It has not lifted to an abstraction
with our teachers, Beth. A crude concrete thing to them, a matter of
rules broken or not. We must submit, or remain lonely, reviled
foreigners…. Sometimes we discover a native who could bring us back
our own, but he's probably teaching the nearest…."
"We've got to stand together, we foreigners," Beth said laughingly.
"All our different castes must stand together first—and keep the
natives waiting—until in their very eagerness, they suddenly perceive
that we know best——"
"It's not for us—that happy time," Vina added hopelessly. "We are the
sit-tight, hold-fast pilgrims. We belong to the clay-and-paint age——"
"It's something to see that——"
"Oh, how truly he sees it!"
"Your Sailor-man, does he see that, too?"
"Has he been seeing other things—in your studio?" Vina asked
hastily.
"Oh, no, he hasn't been here, but he has been telling David Cairns
things about writing…. David has really been born again."
"Do you know, Beth," Vina declared with intensity, "he has been such an
inspiration to me, that I'm afraid my 'Stations' will look like a
repaired wall, half new and half old plaster."
"My work will stand an inspiration, too."
"Beth——"
"Yes."
"You know what I think of your work, but I believe the Sailor-man could
give you that inspiration——"
"Perhaps I can get it through you and David Cairns," remarked Beth, who
was beginning to see, and with no little amazement, that to Vina the
inspiration was spiritual, impersonal. This made Bedient's influence
all the more exciting.
"Oh, he'll come to you, right enough. I supposed he had…. You know I
was making my James and Matthews, my Peters and Jews and Romans quite
contentedly in that bleak way it has been done a thousand times. But he
made me see them! And the slopes of Calvary, and Gethsemane hunched in
the darkness, and the Christ kneeling in a faint starry light; he made
me see Him kneeling there, His Spirit, like a great mother's loving
heart, standing between an angry Father and the world, a wilful
child——"
"Yes," came softly from Beth.
"And it's almost too much for me now—the Passion, the Agony, the Crime
and the Night—too much for me and clay. It would be, if it were not
for the glowing Marys. They're for us, Beth——"
"That's sweet of you, Vina…. It won't be too much. You're in the
reaction now. After that passes you will do the 'Stations' as they have
never been done. And God's poor people will pass before your work for
years and years to come; and something, as much as they can bear of the
thrilling anguish of this new light of yours, will come to them, as
they pray before the Eternal Tragedy."
"But that isn't all, Beth!… There's another; a terrible side. I sort
of had myself in hand until he came, sort of felt myself two thousand
years old, back among them. But he has made me a pitiful modern again,
a woman who has tried and refuses to try longer, to be happy with clay
dolls. And Mary McCullom——"
"Is submerged in tea—past resuscitation…. That modern madness will
pass, too, dear. 'Member how those Italian giants used to have periods
of madness while they decorated the everlasting cathedrals? No modern
man could come into your studio and break your work for long, Vina. You
know we promised each other that none could." Beth shivered at her
memory. Vina had made her forget for a moment.
"But we said in our haste then, that all men were just natives——"
"Many wise women say so at their leisure——"
"But Mary McCullom——"
"Taboo——"
"Well, then, he made me see there were real men in the world," Vina
declared with slow defiance.
"Oh."
"You're sure to misunderstand. Please listen carefully. He is as far
to me—from being that kind of a real man—as a mere native. Do you
understand?… I could worship through him, as through a pure
priest——"
"Vina, you're a passionate idealist!"
"You don't know him. I think he is beyond sex—or going beyond. Perhaps
he doesn't know it…. Oh, we've been hurt a little, by boys who failed
to grow into men, and so we took to our breasts painted and molded
images, saying there are no real men. And here in our midst comes
more than we ask or dream—a Prophet in the making. That's very clear
to me, and you'll see it!… The result—a clearer vision into clay and
its possibilities, and an expanded conception of my subjects—that's
one point and a wonderful one. I'm grateful, but there's another….
Oh, Beth, I'm sick unto nausea with repression. Why, should I deny it;
I want a real lover among men, and I want live dolls!"
A trenchant moment to Beth Truba. No one, so well as she, could
perceive the tragedy of this gifted woman, whom the right man had
missed in the crush of the world's women. A real artist, but a greater
woman…. More than this was revealed to Beth. Her own Shadowy Sister
was speaking to her with Vina Nettleton's tongue, as Beth Truba could
never speak of another…
The Grey One, too, had her tragedy; and Kate Wilkes had hers long ago,
a strong woman, whose cup of bitterness had overflowed in her veins;
who had come so to despise men, as to profess disliking children.
Indeed, that moment, Beth Truba seemed to hear the whispered
affirmations of tragedy from evolved women everywhere….And whither
was tending the race, if only the Wordlings of the world were to be
satisfied—if Wordlings were all that men cared for? What was to become
of the race, if the few women who loved art, and through art learned
really to love their kind, were forever to be denied? And here was Vina
Nettleton with the spiritual power to concentrate her dream into an
avatar (if into the midst of her solitary labors, a great man's love
should suddenly come)!… Did the Destiny Master fall asleep for a
century at a time, that such a genius for motherhood should be denied,
while the earth was being replenished with children of chance, branded
with commonness and forever afraid?
Beth Truba shook herself from this crippling rush of thoughts, and
started to her feet.
"Vina, you've been drinking deep of power. You're a giantess reeking
with mad contagions. Also, you're a heretic. Allow me to remind you
that we are spinsters; born and enforced, and decently-to-be-buried
spinsters. It isn't the Sailor-man, but the spring of the year, that
makes us a bit feverish. We should go to the catacombs for this season,
when this devil's rousing is in the air…. If you have anything
further to say, purely in regard to artistic inspirations, you may go
on——"
Vina sat rigidly before her, wan and white-lipped as if her emotions
were burned out. Presently she began to talk again in her trailing
pensive way:
"I had been working deep and doggedly for days, hardly noticing who
came in or out. When the Grey One entered with him, I felt myself
bobbing, whirling up into light surface water. I hardly spoke the first
half hour. I remembered the night before, when he told that fine story
straight into your eyes. I thought him wonderful then, and it occurred
to me that you were in for it. But it was different when he came into
my shop—something intimate and important. His eyes roved from one
'Station' to another, while the Grey One exploited me in her absurd,
selfless fashion. She's a third in our trouble Beth.
"Presently he asked me how I knew the Christ had such wonderful hands;
then he talked of the Forerunner and Saint Paul, who could have done so
much, had they been there during the Passion, and of the women who
were there. It was strange to have him come into the studio—to
me—with all these pictures developed through silent years. It seems to
me something tremendous must come of it… Someone knocked, and
frenziedly I ordered the intruder away, without opening the door."
And now Vina repeated the belief of Bedient that impressed her so
deeply: that the Holy Spirit is the source of the divine principle in
woman; that the Marys of this world are the symbols of that Mystic
Motherhood—the third of the Trinity—which will bring the races of the
world to God, as a woman brings children to her husband.
"Everything he said glowed with this message," she went on. "His every
thought brought out that women are the holders of the spiritual loaf;
that prophets are the sons of strength of great spiritual mothers; that
artists and poets are prophets in the making, and that unto the purest
and greatest of the prophets must come at last Godhood—the Three in
One; and of this Jesus is the Exemplar; His life and death and rising,
His whole Mission, should make us see with human eyes, the Way of
Truth."
"I see, dear girl," Beth said softly, "why you could not open the
door to anyone… Then the, Mission of Jesus was vicarious? I had about
given up hope of comprehending that."
"Yes. He lived and moved and bled and died and rose before the eyes of
common men!" Vina exclaimed. "One has to bleed for such eyes! Without
the living sacrifice, only the rare souls here and there, with the
highest prophetic vision, could have risen clearly to understand these
things…. Thus the growth of spirituality was quickened among the
lowly multitudes. The coming of the Christ is the loveliest
manifestation of the divine feminine principle within Him—the Holy
Spirit. Did he not become a Spiritual Mother of the world? Was not
Godhood the next step for such a finished Spirit? His awful agony was
that these tremendous mysteries of His illumination were enacted in the
hideous low pressures of human understanding. That he could endure this
for the world's eye, is his greatness, his Godhood!"
"And Mr. Bedient comes out of India with this Christian conception?"
"Beth," Vina said solemnly, "I believe there is meaning in that, too.
The beauty and simplicity of that Sacrifice has been husked in dogmas
for centuries, and we here have not torn them all away. He had just the
Book and the Silence, and his own rare mind!"
* * * * *
"But, Vina, how could these things of pure religious fervor and beauty
bring about that other rebellion of yours—the Mary McCullom one?"
"Oh, in a hundred ways; I'm all tired out now, but they'll come back.
In a hundred ways, Beth, he spoke of women—with that same fervor and
beauty. Just as he cleared and made exalted the Mystic Motherhood of
the Christ, he pointed out how it works among us. Why, he says that
there is nothing worth reading nor regarding nor listening to in the
world of art, that has not that visioning feminine quality. The artist
must be evolving through spirit, before his book or painting or
symphony begins to live. All the rest of art is a mere squabbling over
the letter of past prophecies, as the Jews did with the living Christ
in their streets!… What a mother he must have had! I seemed to see
her—to sense her—beside him. It was as if she looked into my heart
and the Grey One's heart, and with her hand on her big boy's head, said
to us, smiling and happily: 'This is my art—and he lives! You have
but to look into your own hearts, you listening women, to know that he
lives!'… Oh, Beth, her work does live to bless her! Can't you see how
dead-cold the clay felt to my fingers after that?"
"Did he speak of his mother?"
"No."
Beth arose. "Vina," she said, "we are absolutely detached from the
centres of sanity. We shall now walk Broadway, not the Avenue, but
Broadway, to get back to markets and mere men. You're too powerful for
this poor little room——"
"You always talk and laugh, Beth, but you're confronted and you know
it. Confronted—that's the thing! Woman or artist—there's no word so
naked and empty to me as just artist——"
"Only spinster," Beth suggested, shivering.
Vina stretched out her frail arms wearily, and her eyes suddenly
fastened upon a fresh heather-plant on the corner of the writing-table.
"Oh, please, drop a veil over that little bush," she pleaded. "It's
arrayed like a bride——"
"A bridal veil, dear?"
"'No, no, a shawl, a rug!"
* * * * *
Beth returned alone at dusk. In some ways the afternoon was memorable.
It was hard for her to keep her doubts about Bedient. Most of all that
impressed her was Vina's sense of the mother's nearness to the man. She
had thought of that at once, as she listened to his story. And he had
not told Vina nor the Grey One about his mother… She sat down at her
table and drew forth the opened but unread letter from Albany.
"Woman or artist," she whispered bitterly, "as if one could not be
both!…It is only because a woman-and-artist requires a man who can
love artistically. Few men can do that—and anything else beside….
Can you, Sailor-man?… Not if you explain to me why I found you at
Wordling's…. Perhaps I can forgive you, after all the lovely things
you've said. Anyway I shall tell no one…."
"Dear Miss Truba: I want to have a portrait painted of myself. I'm
convinced that you can do it very well. Will you undertake the work? I
shall be back in New York shortly after this letter reaches you Monday,
and will wait at the Club until I hear from you. Yours, Andrew
Bedient."
There was an instant in which she was conscious of something militant,
something of the quiet power of the man who does not go home
empty-handed. In his leaving the city Saturday, she perceived one who
wishes to avoid the appearance of evil, and is content to leave his
movements unexplained, trusting to another's perception.
"Vina is right," she said slowly. "'Confronted' is the word."
Andrew Bedient had entered the company of lovers…. There have been
great lovers who were not otherwise great men, but never a great man
who was not a great lover…. On the night he had first seen Beth Truba
across the table, deep within there had been a swift ignition of
altar-flames that would never cease to burn. Often in his reading and
thinking, in pictures he had seen, and in his limited adventures into
music; wherever, in fact, man had done well in the arts, the vision of
some great woman was behind the work for his eyes; famous and lovely
women long-dead, whose kisses are imperishable in tone or pigment or
tale; women who called to themselves for a little space the big-souled
men of their time, and sent them away illustrious. And these men
forever afterward brought their art to witness that such women are the
way to the Way of Life.
Bedient had rejoiced to discover the two women in every great man's
life: the woman who visioned his greatness in the mothering; and the
woman who saw it potentially afterward—and ignited it. How often the
latter loosed a landslide of love at the ignition, and how seldom she
stepped aside to let it pass!
All this thinking for years upon the beauty and fineness of women was
focussed now…. The depth of his humility, and the vastness of his
appreciation were the essential beginnings of the love of this hour,
just as they would be, if he were ready to perform some great creative
expression in art. The boyhood of a genius is a wild turning from one
passionate adoration to another among the masters of his art; often his
gift of appreciation is a generation ahead of his capacity to produce.
And love is the genius of mothering, the greatest of all the arts. The
love that a man inspires in a woman's heart is her expression of the
Holy Spirit. According to the degree and beauty of that love, does the
woman's child lift its head above the brute; according to the greater
or lesser expression of this Mystic Motherhood in the world, at a
certain hour, must be determined the morality of the race.
A fortnight in New York had terrorized Bedient. He perceived that men
had not humility, nor passionate appreciation for anything; that they
were dazed with their own or other men's accumulations; that they
destroyed every dream of woman, drove the kingdom of heaven from her
heart, with their comings and their goings and their commonness. He
came to believe that this was an age of impossible men, impossible
lovers, artists, and critics, because they had not the delicacy and
wisdom to accept the finer forces, which women bring into the world for
men.
Indeed, he saw that this was woman's gray hour of restless hoping,
pitiful dreaming and untellable pain; that out of these must come the
new generation. Then it appeared to him with splendid cheer, that woman
had not fallen to these modern miseries, but risen to them, from a
millenium of serfdom, untimely outraging, hideous momentary loving,
brute mastery, ownership and drudgery…. These of to-day were finer
sufferings; this an age of transition in which she was passing through
valleys of terrible shadow, but having preserved her natural greatness
through the milleniums, she could not fail now with her poor gleanings
of real love to give the world a generation of finer-grained men.
Women, then, he thought, have a natural greatness which man cannot
destroy. If men were able to destroy it, the sources of the saving
principle of the race would be shut off. But marvellously can man
inspire this natural greatness, make it immense and world-swaying by
bringing out the best of women, and yet how few have this chivalry!
Here was the anguish, the failure. With his mind filled with these
illimitable possibilities, Bedient was overcome with his insight of New
York, the awfulness of ignorance and cruelty in the ordinary relations
of man with woman.
Bedient firmly believed that if women were granted (a heavenly
dispensation, it would have to be) a decade of happiness beginning now,
a decade of lovers of their own choosing, men of delicacy and wisdom,
that thirty years from now there would be that poise and sweetness in
the world that dreamers descry in far future ages. And here and there
would be a beyond-man, indeed; and here and there cosmic, instead of
mere self-consciousness.
He believed that the greatest miracle for the unsealed eye in this day,
was that woman had emerged from a degraded past with this powerful
present vitality; the capacity to hope and dream and suffer and be
aroused; that she had the fervor and power of visioning left to be
aroused! Surely this was the Third of the Trinity sustaining her….
Bedient began to study with sympathy and regard those groups of women,
willing to sacrifice the best of their natures and descend into man's
spheres of action, there to wring from man on his own ground the
privileges so doggedly withheld. He saw that their sacrifice was
heroic; that their cause was "in the air"; that this was but one
startling manifestation of a great feminist seething over the world;
and yet every brightness of evolution depended, as he saw it, upon
woman being herself, retaining first of all those stores of beauty and
spirit which are designed to be her gifts to manhood and the race. In
the eyes of the future, he believed, these women would stand as the
inspired pioneers of a rending transition period.
The note that came from Beth Truba, saying that she would see him about
the portrait at two on Tuesday, Bedient regarded as one of the happiest
things that ever befell. It was delivered at the Club by messenger that
Monday night. Very well he knew, that she gracefully might have
declined, and would have, had she not been able to look above a certain
misleading event.
There were moments in which he seemed always to have known Beth Truba.
Had he come back after long world-straying?
There was a painting of Bernhardt in an upper gallery at the Club, that
he had regarded with no little emotion during past days. The face of
the greatest actress, so intensely feminine, in strangely effective
profile between a white feathery collar and a white fur hat, had made
him think of Beth Truba in a score of subtle ways. They told him that
the painting had been done by a young Italian, who had shown the good
taste to worship the creator of La Samaritaine…. Bedient wished he
could paint the russet-gold hair and the lustrous pallor of ivory which
shone from Beth's skin, and put upon the canvas at the last, what had
been a revelation to him, and which had carried credentials to the
Bedient throne, to the very crown-cabinet of his empire, the fine and
enduring spirit in her brilliant eyes.
They met in the studio on the business basis. It was a gray day, one of
those soft, misty, growing days. She was a trifle taller than he had
thought. Something of the world-habit was about her, or world-wear, a
professionalism that work had taught her, and a bit of humor now and
then. The studio was filled with pictures, many studies of her own,
bits of Paris and Florence, many flowers and heads. There was one door
which opened into a little white room. The door was only partly open,
and it was shut altogether presently. Bedient had only looked within
it once, but reverently. Besides, there was a screen which covered an
arcanum, from which tea and cakes and sandwiches came on occasion. An
upright piano, some shelves of books, an old-fashioned mantle and
fire-place; and the rest—pictures and yellow-brown hangings and
lounges. He wondered if anyone ever saw Beth's pictures so deeply as
he…. She was in her blouse. The gray light subdued the richness of
her hair, but made her pallor more luminous. She was very swift and
still in her own house.
A chair was placed for him, and Beth went back to her stool under the
light. Occasionally she asked him to look at certain pictures in her
room, studying him as he turned. She told him of adorable springtimes
in Florence; how once she had asked a beautiful Italian peasant boy to
help her with an easel, and some other matters, up a long flight of
marble steps, and he had answered, with drowsy gentleness, "Please ask
another boy, Signorina. I have dined to-day."… And Bedient watched,
when her head was bowed over the board upon her knee. Her hair, so
wonderful now in the shadows, made amazing promises for sunlit days.
Uncommon energy was in his heart, and a buoyant activity of mind that
formed, one after another, ideals for her happiness.
"Yesterday at this time," she said finally, "Vina Nettleton was here.
She spoke of your great help in her work——"
"Her studio was thrilling to me…. Altogether, getting back to New
York has been my greatest experience."
"You have been away very long?"
"So long that I don't remember leaving, nor anything about it, except
the boats and whistles, the elevated railways and the Park, and certain
strains of music. I remember seeing the animals, and the hall of that
house——"
"Where the light frightened you?"
"Yes. And I remember the bees…. I have ridden through and about the
Park several times, but I can't seem to get anything back. I felt like
asking questions, as I did long ago, of my mother."
Beth wanted to tell him that she would ride with him sometime and
answer questions, but he seemed very near the deep places, and she
dared not urge nor interrupt.
"It was very clear to me then, that we needed each other," he added. "A
child knows that. She must have answered all the questions in the
world, for I was always satisfied. I wonder that she had time to think
about her own things…. Isn't it remarkable, and I don't remember
anything she said?"
Bedient seemed to be thinking aloud, as if this were the right place to
talk of these things. They had been in the foreground of his mind
continually, but never uttered before.
"It was always above words—our relation," he went on presently.
"Though we must have talked and talked—it is not the words I
remember—but realizations of truth which came to me afterward, from
them. What a place for a little boy's hand to be!…
"I remember the long voyage, and she was always near. There were many
strange things—far too strange to remember; and then, the sick room.
She was a long time there. I could not be with her as much as I wanted.
It was very miserable all around, though it seems the people were not
unkind. They must have been very poor. And then, one night I knew that
my mother was going to die. I could not move, when this came to me. I
tried not to breathe, tried to die too; and some one came in and shook
me, and it was all red about my eyes.
"They took me to her, but I couldn't tell what I knew, though she saw
it. And this I remember, though it was in the dark. The others were
sent away, and she made a place for me on her arm, and she laughed, and
whispered and whispered. Why, she made me over that night on her arm!
"She must have whispered it a thousand times—so it left a lasting
impression. Though I could not always see her, she would always be
near! That remains from the night, though none of the words ever came
back. I never lost that, and it was true…. Do you see how great she
was to laugh that night?… And how she had to struggle to leave that
message on such a little boy's mind?… More wonderful and wonderful it
becomes, as I grow older. She was dying, and we had been such dependent
lovers. She was not leaving me, as it had been with us, nor in any
way as she liked….
"She must have grappled with all the forces that drive the world that
night!… First, I was happy on her arm—and then, through the long
hours, and mysteriously, she implanted her message…. And see what
came of it—see her strength! The actual parting was not so
terrible—she had builded a fortress around me against that—not so
terrible as the hours before, when I tried not to breathe."
Beth did not raise her eyes as he paused. She could not speak. The
little boy had come home to her mind—like a wraith-child of her own.
She was shaken with a passion of pity.
"It seems it was meant for me to stay in that house, but I couldn't,"
Bedient went on. "They probably bothered a great deal after I stole
away, and tried to find me. But they didn't…. And I went down where
there were ships. I think the ships fascinated me, because we had
come on one. I slipped aboard, and fell asleep below. The sailors found
me after we had cleared. They were very good, and called me 'Handy.'…
I think my mother must have taught me my letters, for when an old
sailor, with rings in his ears, pointed out to me the name of the ship
on the jolly-boat, the letters came back to me. I was soon reading the
Bible. That was the book I cut my teeth on, as they say…. And one
time, as we were leaving port, I thought I had better have a name. One
of the men had asked me, you see, and I was only able to say, 'Handy.'
And just then, we passed an old low schooner. She had three masts; her
planking was gray and weathered, and her seams gaped. On her stern, I
saw in faded sprawly letters, that had been black:
"ANDREW BEDIENT
"Of—somewhere, I couldn't make out. So I took that for my name. It
fitted 'Handy' and the little boy's idea of bigness and actuality,
because I had seen it in print…. I never saw the old schooner again.
I don't know the port in which she lay at the time; nor the port where
my mother died. You see, I was very little…. Everyone was good to me.
And it is true that my mother was near…. There were places and times
that must have put dull care into her eyes, but she was the true
sentry. I only knew when I was asleep."
It was beautiful to Beth, the way he spoke. His heart seemed to say,
"God love her!" with every sentence.
Her lips breathed the words, her eyes had long questioned:
"And your father?"
The room suddenly filled with her fateful words.
"My father?" he repeated. "He was never with my mother. I did not
understand until long afterward, but she meant me to understand—that
she was not married. She impressed it upon my consciousness for me to
understand—when I was older."
Beth could have knelt in her humility that moment.
"Please forgive me for asking," she faltered.
"It was right. I intended to tell you."
Some strange, sustaining atmosphere came from him. His words lifted
her. Beth saw upon his brow and face the poise and fineness of a
love-child…. With all the mother's giving there had been no name for
him; and he had told her with all the ease and grace of one who knows
in his heart—a mother's purity of soul…. It was hard for Beth to
realize, with Bedient sitting there, that the world makes tragic
secrets of these things he had told her; that lives of lesser men have
been ruined with the fear of such discoveries…. Nothing of so intense
and intimate appeal had ever come to her studio, as the heroism of this
mother, impressing upon her tortured and desperate child, that though
taken from him, she would be near always…. The sensitive Vina had
seemed to see the mother near him, her hand upon his head, saying
with a laugh, "This is my Art—and he lives!"
Beth spoke at last: "You honor me, Mr. Bedient, in telling me these
deep things."
"This seemed the place," he said, leaning forward. "It's extraordinary
when I recall I have only been here an hour or so. It would seem absurd
to some women, but the story knew where it belonged…. In fact, it is
hard for me to remember that this is our first talk alone…. Perhaps
you should know, that I've never spoken of my mother to anyone else….
I never could find the port where she died."
They learned that they could be silent together…. Beth knew that she
would have extended conference with the Shadowy Sister when alone. Big
things were enacting in the depths. There was another thing that Vina
had said regarding the appeal of Bedient personally to her, which
required much understanding…. Beth had found herself thinking (in
Bedient's presence) that she might have been hasty and imperious in
sending the Other away. She had been rather proud of her iron courage
up to this hour. Of course, it was ridiculous that Bedient should
recall the Other, and after months suggest her unreasonableness; yet
these things recurred…. Moreover, a moment after Bedient's entering,
there had been no embarrassment between them. Not only had they dared
be silent, but they had not tried each other out tentatively by talking
about people they knew. Then he had said it was hard for him to
remember this was their first talk together alone. Beth realized that
here was a subject who would not bore her before his portrait was
finished.
"Does David Cairns know Miss Nettleton very well?" Bedient asked, as he
was leaving.
She smiled at the question, and was about to reply that they had been
right good friends for years, when it occurred that he might have a
deeper meaning.
Bedient resumed while she was thinking: "I know that he admires her
work and intelligence, but he never spoke to me of any further
discoveries. Perhaps he wouldn't…. He's a singularly fine chap, finer
than I knew…. I noticed a short essay in your stand that contains a
sentence I cannot forget. It was about a rare man who 'stooped and
picked up a fair-coined soul that lay rusting in a pool of tears.'"
"Browning," she said excitedly.
"Yes…. Good-by and thank you…. To-morrow?"
"Yes."
* * * * *
He left her in the whirl of this new conception. She was taking dinner
with David Cairns that night. David, she felt, had arranged this for
further urging in the matter of her seeing his friend. And now she
smiled at the surprise in store for him; then for a long time, until
the yellows and browns were thickly shadowed about her, Beth sat very
still, thinking about the Vina Nettleton of yesterday, and the altered
and humble David Cairns of the past fortnight…. In the single saying
of Bedient's, that he had found Cairns finer than he knew, there was a
remarkable, winsome quality for her perception. Bedient had started the
revolution which was clearing the inner atmospheres of his friend; and
yet, he refused any part.
David took her for dinner to a club far down-town—a dining-room on the
twentieth floor, overlooking the rivers and the bay, the shipping and
the far shores pointed off with lights…. They waited by a window in
the main hall for a moment while a smaller room was being arranged.
Forty or more business men were banqueting in a glare of light and
glass and red roses—a commercial dinner with speeches. The talk had to
do with earnings, per cents, leakages, markets and such matters. The
lower lid of many an eye was updrawn in calculation.
Beth shivered, for she saw avarice, cunning, bluff, campaigning with
humor and natural forces. "The starry night and the majestic rivers
might just as well be plaster-walls," she whispered. "What terrible
occupations are these to make our brothers so dull, bald and
stodgy-looking?"
"It's their art," said Cairns. "They start in merrily enough, but it's
a fight out in the centre of the current. You see them all of one
genial dining-countenance, yet this day they fought each other in the
streets below, and to-morrow again…. It's not only the sweep of the
current, but each other, they have to fight…. Oh, it's very easy for
an artist to look and feel superior, Beth, but we know very well how
much is sordid routine in our own decenter games—and suppose we had
been called to money-making instead. It would catch us young, and we'd
either harden or fail."
… They were taken to a place of stillness and the night-view was
restoring…. Though Cairns had just left Bedient, he had not been told
about the portrait nor the first sitting. Beth wondered if Bedient
foresaw that she would appreciate this. She was getting so that she
could believe anything of the Wanderer. For a long time they talked
about him…. Cairns already was emerging from the miseries of
reaction; new ways of work had opened; he was fired with fresh growth
and delights of service. Beth was charmed with him…. At last she
said:
"Nor has Mr. Bedient missed those rare and subtle things which make
Vina Nettleton the most important woman of my acquaintance."
The sentence was a studied challenge.
"You mean in her work?" he said, under the first spur.
"Did I say artist? I meant woman—'most important woman'——"
"That's what you said."
"Yes, I thought so——" Beth shaded the interior light from her eyes to
regard the night through the open window. "It was misty gray all day,
and yet it is clear now as a summer night."
"And so Bedient sees more than a remarkable artist in Vina?" Cairns
mused.
"That much is for the world to see…. Why, those dollar-eating
gentlemen in the big room could see that, if they interested themselves
in her kind of work. But they are not trained to know real women. Their
work keeps them from knowing such things. When they marry a real woman,
it's an accident, largely. A diadem of paste would have caught their
eyes quite as quickly. Sometimes I think they prefer paste jewels….
Only here and there a man of deep discernment reads the truth—and is
held by it. What a fortune is that discernment! A woman may well
tremble before that kind of vision, for it is her own, empowered with a
man's understanding——"
"Why, Beth, that's Bedient's mind exactly!" Cairns exclaimed. "A
woman's vision of the finest sort, empowered with a man's
understanding——"
"Of the finest sort," Beth finished laughingly. "By the way, that's a
good definition of a prophet, isn't it?"
"It does work out," he said, thinking hard.
Beth observed with interest at this point, that Bedient had confined
his discussion of the visioning feminine principle to Vina. There were
several approaches to his elevation.
"How glorious it is to see things, David!" she exclaimed happily. "Even
to see things after they are pointed out. And you—I'm really so glad
about you! You're coming along so finely, and putting away boyish
things."
She reached across the table and dropped her hand upon his sleeve.
"It's so tonic and bracing to watch one's friend burst into bloom!… I
needed the stimulus, too. You are helping me."
It was Cairns' turn to shade his eyes for a clearer view of the night.
David Cairns left Beth at her elevator, and walked down the Avenue
toward Gramercy. It was still an hour from midnight. As he had hoped,
Bedient was at the Club. The library was deserted, and they sat down in
the big chairs by the open window. The only lights in the large room
were those on the reading table. The quiet was actually interesting for
down-town New York.
"I've been out hunting up music," Bedient said. "There is a place
called the Columbine where you eat and drink; and a little Hungarian
violinist there with his daughter—surely they can't know how great
they are! He played the Kreutzer Sonata, the daughter accompanying as
if it were all in the piano, and she just let it out for fun, and then
they played it again for me—"
Cairns laughed at his joy. Bedient suddenly leaned forward and regarded
him intently through the vague light. "David," he said, "you're looking
fit and happy, and I'm very glad to see you." This was a way of
Bedient's at unexpected moments…. "Do you know, it's a marvellous
life you live," he went on, "looking inward upon the great universe of
ideas constantly, balancing thought against thought, seeking the best
vehicle, and weighing the effects—for or against the Ultimate
Good——"
"It appears that you had to come up here—to show me——"
"It's good of you to say so, David, but you had to be Cairns and not
New York! A woman would have shown you——"
Cairns had met before, in various ways, Bedient's unwillingness to
identify himself with results of his own bringing about. Beth had long
realized his immaturity, yet she had not spoken. Cairns saw this now.
"A woman would have shown me——?" he repeated.
"That the way to heaven is always against the crowd," Bedient
finished…. "A few days after I came to New York, you joined me at the
Club. You said you couldn't work; that you found your mind stealing
away from the pages before you. I knew you were getting closer to real
work then. David, when you find yourself stealing mentally away to
follow some pale vision or shade of remembrance, don't jerk up,
thinking you must get back to work. Why, you're nearer real work in
following the phantoms than mere gray matter ever will unfold for you.
Creating is a process of the depths; the brain is but the surface of
the instrument that produces. How wearisome music would be, if we knew
only the major key! How terrible would be sunlight, if there were no
night! Out of darkness and the deep minor keys of the soul come those
utterances vast and flexible enough to contain reality."
"Why don't you write, Andrew?" Cairns asked.
"New York has brought one thought to my mind with such intensity, that
all others seem to have dropped back into the melting-pot," Bedient
answered.
"And that one?"
"The needs of women."
"I have heard your tributes to women——"
"I have uttered no tributes to women, David!" Bedient said, with
uncommon zeal. "Women want no tributes; they want truth…. The man who
can restore to woman those beauties of consciousness which belong to
her—which men have made her forget—just a knowledge of her
incomparable importance to the race, to the world, to the kingdom of
heaven—and help woman to make men see it; in a word, David, the man
who can make men see what women are, will perform in this rousing hour
of the world—the greatest good of his time!"
"Go on, it is for me to listen!"
"You can break the statement up into a thousand signs and reasons,"
said Bedient. "We hear such wonderful things about America in Asia—in
India. Waiting for a ship in Calcutta, I saw a picture-show for the
first time. It ran for a half hour, showing the sufferings of a poor
Hindu buffeted around the world—a long, dreary portion of starvation,
imprisonment and pain. The dramatic climax lifted me from the chair. It
was his heaven and happiness. His stormy passage was ended. I saw him
standing in the rain among the steerage passengers of an Atlantic
steamer—and suddenly through the gray rushing clouds, appeared the
Goddess of Liberty. He had come home at last—to a port of freedom and
peace and equality——"
"God have mercy on him," murmured Cairns.
"Yes," said Bedient, "a poor little shaking picture show, and I wept
like a boy in the dark. It was my New York, too…. But we shall be
that—all that the world in its distress and darkness thinks of us, we
must be. You know a man is at his best with those who think highly of
him. The great world-good must come out of America, for its bones still
bend, its sutures are not closed…. You and I spent our early years
afield with troops and wars, before we were adult enough to perceive
the bigger conflict—the sex conflict. This is on, David. It must clear
the atmosphere before men and women realize that their interests are
one; that neither can rise by holding down the other; that the
present relations of men and women, broadly speaking, are false to
themselves, to each other, and crippling to the morality and vitality
of the race.
"You have seen it, for it is about you. The heart of woman to-day is
kept in a half-starved state. That's why so many women run to cultists
and false prophets and devourers, who preach a heaven of the senses. In
another way, the race is sustaining a tragic loss. Look at the young
women from the wisest homes—the finest flower of young womanhood—our
fairest chance for sons of strength. How few of them marry! I tell you,
David, they are afraid. They prefer to accept the bitter alternative of
spinsterhood, rather than the degrading sense of being less a partner
than a property. They see that men are not grown, except physically.
They suffer, unmated, and the tragedy lies in the leakage of genius
from the race."
Cairns' mind moved swiftly from one to another of the five women he had
called together to meet his friend.
"David," Bedient added after a moment, "the man who does the great
good, must do it through women, for women are listening to-day! Men
are down in the clatter—examining, analyzing, bartering. The man with
a message must drive it home through women! If it is a true message,
they will feel it. Women do not analyze, they realize. When women
realize their incomparable importance, that they are identified with
everything lovely and of good report under the sun, they will not throw
themselves and their gifts away. First, they will stand together—a
hard thing for women, whose great love pours out so eagerly to
man—stand together and demand of men, Manliness. Women will learn to
withhold themselves where manliness is not, as the flower of young
womanhood is doing to-day…. I tell you, David, woman can make of man
anything she wills—by withholding herself from him…. Through his
desire for her!… This is her Power. This is all in man that
electricity is in Nature—a measureless, colossal force. Mastering that
(and to woman alone is the mastery), she can light the world. Giving
away to it ignorantly, she destroys herself."
… So much was but a beginning. Their talk that night was all that the
old Luzon nights had promised, which was a great deal, indeed…. It
was not until Cairns was walking home, that he recalled his first idea
in looking in upon Bedient that night—a sort of hope that his friend
would talk about Vina Nettleton in the way Beth had suggested. "How
absurd," he thought, "that is exactly the sort of thing he would leave
for me to find out!"
New York had brought Andrew Bedient rather marvellously into his own.
He awoke each morning with a ruling thought. He lived in a state of
continual transport; he saw all that was savage in his race, and missed
little that was beautiful. Work was forming within him; he felt all the
inspiritings, all the strange pressures of his long preparation. He
realized that his thirty-three years had been full years; that all the
main exteriors of man's life had passed before him in swift review, as
a human babe in embryo takes on from time to time the forms of the
great stations of evolution. He had passed without temptation from one
to another of the vast traps which catch the multitude; nor tarried at
a single one of the poisoned oasis of sense. Mother Earth had taken him
to her breast; India had lulled his body and awakened his spirit; he
had gone up to his Sinai there.
He looked back upon the several crises in which he might have faltered,
and truly it seemed to him that he had been guided through these, by
some wiser spirit, by something of larger vision, at least, than his
own intelligence. Humility and thankfulness became resurgent at the
memory of these times. Books of beauty and wisdom had come to his hand,
it seemed, at the certain particular instants when he was ready.
Exactly as he had been spared the terrible temptations of flesh in his
boyhood years, so had he preserved a humble spirit in his intellectual
attainments. It was not he, but the poise that had been given him,
through which he was enabled to cry out in gratitude this hour; for the
soul of man meets a deadlier dragon in intellectual arrogance than in
the foulest pits of flesh. The Destiny Master can smile in pity at a
poor brain, brutalized through bodily lusts, but white with anger is
the countenance that regards a spirit, maimed and sick from being yoked
together with a proud mind. Angels burst into singing when that spirit
is free.
His health was a perfect thing; of that kind that men dream of, and
boys know, but do not stop to feel. He could smell the freshness of
pure water in his bath or when he drank; there was delight in the taste
of common foods; at night in his high room, higher still than the
studio of Vina Nettleton, there were moments when the land-wind seemed
to bring delicacies from the spring meadows of Jersey; or blowing from
the sea, he sensed the great sterile open. He was tireless, and could
discern the finest prints and weaves at bad angles of light.
He moved often along the water-fronts and through abandoned districts;
a curious sense of unreality often came over him in these night
rambles, as if he were tranced among the perversions of astral light.
He gave a great deal, but saw that if he gave his life nightly, even
that would not avail. His money was easily passed into another hand;
that would not do—little vessels of oil overturned upon an Atlantic of
storm. These were but tentative givings; they denied him nothing.
Bedient saw that he must give more than this, and waited for the
way…. The most poignant and heart-wringing experience for him in New
York was suddenly to find himself in the midst of the harried human
herd, when it was trying to play. One can best read a city's tragedy at
its pleasure-places.
…Beth Truba was his great ignition. His love for her overflowed upon
all things…. The hour or more in her studio became the feature of his
day. Bedient was not shown the work on the portrait. Beth didn't
altogether like the way it progressed. Sometimes, she talked as she
worked (sitting low beneath the skylight, so that every change of light
was in her hair, while the spring matured outside). Deep realities were
often uttered thus, sentences which bore the signet of her strong
understanding, for they passed through the stimulated faculties of the
artist, engrossed in her particular expression. Thus the same
intelligence which colored her work, distinguished her sayings….
Bedient daily astonished her. Again and again, she perceived that he
had come to New York, full of power from his silences apart. She wanted
him to preserve his freshness of vision. His quiet expressions thrilled
her.
"The women I know, married or unmarried, are nearly all unhappy," she
said, one day. "My younger friends, even among girls, are afraid. They
see that men are blinded by things they can taste and see and
touch—speed, noise and show. The married women are restless and
terrified by spiritual loneliness. The younger women see it and are
afraid."
"'Had I but two loaves of bread, I should sell one to buy white
hyacinths,'" Bedient quoted; "I like to think of that line of
Mahomet's…. Women are ready for white hyacinths—the bread of
life…. But this spiritual loneliness is a wonderful sign. The spirit
floods in where it can—where it is sought after—and the children of
women who are hungry for spiritual things, are children of dreams. They
must be. They may not be happy, but they will feel a stronger yearning
to go out alone and find 'the white presences among the hills.'"
Beth was silent.
"Yearning is religion," Bedient added. "Hunger of the heart for higher
things will bring spiritual expansion. Look at the better-born children
to-day. I mean those who do not have every chance against them. I
seem to catch a new tone in the murmur of this rousing generation. They
have an expanded consciousness. It is the spiritual yearnings of
motherhood."
"But what of the woman who will not take the bowl of porridge that
ordinary man gives her?" Beth demanded. "So many women dare
not—cannot—and then their dreams, their best, are not reflected in
the consciousness of the new race."
Bedient smiled, and Beth regarded her work intently, for an echo of the
confessional had come back to her from her own words.
"That is a matter so intensely individual," he replied. "We are at the
beginning of the woman's era, and with every transition there are pangs
to be suffered by those who are great enough. These great ones are
especially prepared to see how terrible is their denial from the
highest privileges of woman. And yet they may be spiritual mothers,
centres of pure and radiant energy. Every work of genius has been
inspired by such a woman. And if, as sometimes happens, a true lover
does come, the two are so happy that the temperature of the whole race
warms through them."
"What an optimist!" she said, but when alone, it came to her that he
had been less certain than usual in this answer. Perhaps, he had felt
her stress upon realizing the personal aspect; perhaps he had too many
things to say, and was not ready. It was a matter intensely
individual. However, this was the only time he had failed to carry her
critical attention.
* * * * *
Bedient saw that the years had locked one door after another about the
real heart of Beth Truba. His work was plain—to unlock them one by
one. How the task fascinated; he made it his art and his first thought.
"You change so," she complained laughingly, after there had been
several sittings. "I'm afraid I shall paint you very badly because I am
trying so hard. You don't look at all the same as you did at first.
Therefore all the first must be destroyed."
Bedient knew if his work prospered, all that had been before would be
redeemed.
One morning—it was one of the first of the May mornings—there was
something like heart-break in the room. Up on the skylight, the
sparrows were debating whether it would rain or not. There was tension
in the air which Bedient tried to ease from every angle. Consummately
he set about to restore and reassure, but she seemed to feel her work
was faring ill; that life was an evil thing. All the brightness that
had suffused her mind from his presence, again and again, had vanished
apparently, leaving not the slightest glow behind.
"Don't bother to work on this to-day," he said. "I am not in the
slightest hurry and you are to do it wonderfully. Please be sure that I
know that…. Will you go with me to the Metropolitan galleries
to-day?"
Beth smiled, and went on deliberating before the picture. Presently,
the tension possessed her again. She looked very white in the North
light.
"Did you ever doubt if you were really in the world?" she asked after a
moment, but did not wait, nor seem to expect an answer…. "I have,"
she added, "and concluded that I only thought I was here—queer sense
of unreality that has more than once sent me flying to the telephone
after a day's work alone—to hear my own voice and be answered. But,
even if one proves that one is indeed here, one can never get an answer
to the eternal—What for?… I shall do a story, sometime, and call
it Miss What For…. A young girl who came into the world with
greatness of vitality and enthusiasm, alive as few humans are, and
believing in everything and everybody. Before she was fully grown, she
realized that she was not sought after so much as certain friends whose
fathers had greater possessions. This was terrible. It took long for
her to believe that nothing counted so much as money. It made the world
a nightmare, but she set to work to become her own heiress…. In this
struggle she must at last lose faith. This can be brought about by long
years, smashing blows and incredible suffering, but the result must be
made complete—to fit the title."
"But, why do you try to fit such a poor shivering little title?"
She smiled wearily. "I was trying, perhaps, to picture one of your
spiritual mothers, centres of pure and radiant energy, in one of the
other moments, that the world seldom sees. The power is almost always
turned on, when the world is looking."
She had made him writhe inwardly, as no one else could.
"But there are many such women," she went on, "victims of your
transition period, caught between the new and the old, helpers,
perhaps, of the Great Forces at work which will bring better
conditions; but oh, so helpless!… They may bring a little cheer to
passing souls who quickly forget; they may even inspire genius, as you
say, but what of themselves when they, all alone, see that they have no
real place in the world, no lasting effect, leaving no image, having no
part in the plan of the Builder?"
Bedient arose. Beth saw he was not ready to answer.
"A visit to the galleries is tempting," she said. "It may give me an
idea…. I never had quite such a patron. You are so little curious to
see what I have done, that I sometimes wonder why you wanted the
portrait, and why you came to me for it…. I wonder if it's the day or
my eyes—it's so much easier to talk aimlessly than to work——"
"It's really gray, and the sparrows have decided upon a shower."
She regarded him whimsically.
"And you look so well in your raincoat," he added.
They took the 'bus up the Avenue…. She pointed out the tremendous
vitalities of the Rodin marbles, intimated their visions, and remarked
that he should hear Vina Nettleton on this subject.
"She breaks down, becomes livid, at the stupidity of the world, for
reviling her idol on his later work, especially the bust of Balzac,
which the critics said showed deterioration," Beth told him, "As if
Rodin did not know the mystic Balzac better than the populace."
"It has always seemed that the mystics of the arts must recognize one
another," Bedient said…. "I do not know Balzac——"
"You must. Why, even Taine, Sainte Beuve, and Gautier didn't know
him! They glorified his work just so long as it had to do with fleshly
Paris, but called him mad in his loftier altitudes where they couldn't
follow."
It was possibly an hour afterward, when Bedient halted before a certain
picture longer than others; then went back to another that had
interested him. Moments passed. He seemed to have forgotten all
exteriors, but vibrated at intervals from one to another of these—two
small silent things—Le Chant du Berger and another. They were
designated only by catalogue numbers. Beth, who knew them, would have
waited hours…. Presently he spoke, and told her long of their
effects, what they meant to him.
"You have not been here before?" she asked.
"No."
"You don't know who did those pictures?"
"No."
"Puvis de Chavannes."
"The name is but a name to me, but the work—why, they are out of the
body entirely! I can feel the great silence!" he explained, and told
her of his cliff and God-mother, of Gobind, the bees, the moon, the
standing pools, the lotos, the stars, the forests, the voices and the
dreams…. They stood close together, talking very low, and the
visitors brushed past, without hearing.
"If not the greatest painter, Puvis de Chavannes is the greatest mural
painter of the nineteenth century," Beth said. "Rodin, who knew Balzac,
also knew Puvis de Chavannes…. 'The mystics of the arts know one
another,'" she added. "I saw Rodin's bust and statue of these men in
Paris."
To Beth, the incident was of inestimable importance in her conception
of Bedient…. A Japanese group interested him later—an old vender of
sweetmeats in a city street, with children about him—little girls bent
forward under the weight of their small brothers. Beth regarded the
picture curiously and waited for Bedient to speak.
"It's very real," he said. "The little girls are crippled from these
weights. The boy babe rides his sister for his first views of the
world…. Look at the sweet little girl-faces, haggard from the burden
of their fat-cheeked, wet-nosed brothers. A birth is a miss over
there—a miss for which the mother suffers—when it is not a boy. The
girls of Japan carry their brothers until they begin to carry their
sons. You need only look at this picture to know that here is a people
messing with uniforms and explosives, a people still hot with the ape
and the tiger in their breasts."
Beth was thinking that America was not yet aeons distant from this
Japanese institution, the male incubus of the girl child. She did not
speak, for she was thinking of what she had said in the studio—of the
edginess of her temper. "Spinsters may scold, but not spiritual
mothers," she thought. She might have been very happy, but for a mental
anchor fast to that gloomy mood of the morning…. Hours had flown
magically. It was past mid-afternoon…. There was one more picture
that had held him, not for itself, but like the Japanese scene, for the
thoughts it incited…. An aged woman in a cheerless room, bending over
the embers of a low fire. In the glow, the weary old face revealed a
bitter loneliness, and yet it was strangely sustained. The twisted
hands held to the fire, would have fitted exactly about the waist of a
little child—which was not there.
"I would call her The Race Mother," Bedient said reverently. "She is
of every race, and every age. She has carried her brothers and her
sons; given them her strength; shielded them from cold winds and
dangerous heats; given them the nourishment of her body and the food
prepared with her hands. Their evils were her own deeper shame; their
goodness or greatness was of her conceiving, her dreams first. Her sons
have turned to her in hunger, her mate in passion, but neither as their
equal. For that which was noble in their sight and of good report, they
turned to men. In their counsels they have never asked her voice; they
suffered her sometimes to listen to their devotions, but hers were
given to them_.
"They were stronger. They chose what should become the intellectual
growth of the race. Having no part in this, her mind was stunted,
according to their standards. She had the silences, the bearing, the
services for others, the giving of love. She loved her mate sometimes,
her brothers often, her sons always,—and served them. Loving much, she
learned to love God. Silences, and much loving of men, one learns to
love God. Silences and services and much loving of her kind—out of
these comes the spirit which knows God.
"So while her men, like children with heavy blocks, were passing their
intellectual matters one to the other, she came to know that love is
giving; that as love pours out in service, the Holy Spirit floods in;
that spaciousness of soul is immortality; that out of the spaciousness
of soul, great sons are born…. And here and there down the ages,
these great sons have appeared, veered the race right at moments of
impending destruction, and buoyed it on."
He had not raised his voice above that low animate tone, which has not
half the carrying quality of a whisper. Beth had hoped for such a
moment, for in her heart she knew that Vina Nettleton had felt this
power of his. With her whole soul, she listened, and the look upon his
face which she wanted for the portrait lived in her mind as he resumed:
"I ask you to look how every evil, every combination of hell, has
arisen to tear at the flanks of the race, for this is history. Yet a
few women, and a few men, the gifts of women, have arisen to save….
Do you think that war or money, or lust of any kind, shall destroy us
now, in this modern rousing hour, with woman at last coming into her
own—when they have never yet in the darkest hour of the world,
vanquished a single great dream of a pure woman? And now women
generally are rising to their full dreams; approaching each moment
nearer to that glorious formula for the making of immortals…."
He smiled suddenly into her white face. "I tell you, Beth Truba," he
said, "there isn't a phase, a moment, of this harsh hour of transition,
that isn't majestic with promise!… It's a good picture…. Dear old
mother, in every province of the soul, she is a step nearer the Truth
than man. The little matters of the intellect, from which she has been
barred for centuries, she shall override like a Brunhilde. Even that
which men called her sins were from loving…. Gaunt mother with bended
back—she has stood between God and the world; she has been the vessel
of the Holy Spirit; she is the Holy Spirit in the world; and when she
shall fully know her greatness, then prophets of her bearing shall walk
the earth."
They wound through the park in the rainy dusk, emerging in Fifty-ninth
Street; and even then, Beth did not care to ride, so they finished the
distance to her studio in the Avenue crowd.
More May days had passed. Bedient came in from one of his
night-strolls, just as an open carriage stopped in front of the Club,
and Mrs. Wordling called his name. He waited while she dismissed her
driver familiarly…. The Northern beauty of the night was full of
charm to him. A full moon rode aloft in the blue. He had been thinking
that there was cruelty and destruction wherever crowds gathered; that
great cities were not a development of higher manhood. He thought of
the sparcely tenanted islands around the world, of Australian, Siberian
and Canadian areas—of glorious, virgin mountain places and empty
shores—where these pent and tortured tens of thousands might have
breathed and lived indeed. All they needed was but to dare. But they
seemed not yet lifted from the herd; as though it took numbers to make
an entity, a group to make a soul. The airs were still; the night
serene as in a zone of peace blessed of God. The silence of Gramercy
gave him back poise which the city—a terrible companion—had torn
apart.
"That's old John, who never misses a night at my theatre door, when
that door opens to New York," Mrs. Wordling said. "He only asks to know
that I am in the city to be at my service night or day. And who would
have a taxicab on a night like this?… Let's not hurry in…. Have you
been away?"
"No, Mrs. Wordling."
"Don't you think you are rather careless with your friends?" she asked,
as one whom the earth had made much to mourn. "It is true, I haven't
been here many times for dinner (there have been so many invitations),
but breakfasts and luncheons—always I have peeked into the farthest
corners hoping to see you—before I sat down alone."
"I have missed a great deal, but it's good to be thought of," he said.
"You didn't mean, then, to be careless with your friends?"
"No."
"I thought you were avoiding me."
"If there were people here to be avoided, I'm afraid I shouldn't stay."
"But supposing you liked the place very much, and there was just one
whom you wished to avoid——"
He laughed. "I give it up. I might stay—but I don't avoid—certainly
not one of my first friends in New York——"
"Yes, I was a member of the original company, when David Cairns'
Sailor-Friend was produced…. How different you seem from that
night!" she added confidentially. "How is it you make people believe
you so? You have been a great puzzle to me—to us. I supposed at first
you were just a breezy individual, whom David Cairns (who is a very
brilliant man) had found an interesting type——"
"So long as I don't fall from that, it is enough," Bedient answered.
"But why do you say I make people believe——?"
Mrs. Wordling considered. "I never quite understood about one part of
that typhoon story," she qualified. "You were carrying the Captain
across the deck, and a Chinese tried to knife you. You just mentioned
that the Chinese died."
"Yes," said Bedient, who disliked this part of the story, and had
shirred the narrative.
"But I wanted to hear more about it——"
"That was all. He died. There were only a few survivors."
Mrs. Wordling's head was high-held. She was sniffing the night, with
the air of a connoisseur. "Do you smell the mignonette, or is it Sweet
William? Something we had in the garden at home when I was little….
Are you afraid to go across in the park—with me?"
"Sailors are never afraid," he said, following her pointed finger to
the open gate.
They crossed the street laughingly. There had been no one at the Club
entrance…. They never determined what the fragrance was, though they
strolled for some time through the paths of the park, among the thick
low trees, and finally sat down by the fountain. The moonlight, cut
with foliage, was magic upon the water. Bedient was merry in heart. The
rising error which might shadow this hour was clear enough to him, but
he refused to reckon with it. He was interested, and a little troubled,
to perceive there was nothing in common in Mrs. Wordling's mind and
his. They spoke a different language. He was sorry, for he knew she
could think hard and suddenly, if he had the power to say the exact
thing. And that which he might have taken, and which her training had
designed her both to attract and exact, Bedient did not want. All her
sighs, soft tones, suddennesses and confidences fell wide; and yet, to
Mrs. Wordling, he was too challenging and mysterious for her to be
bored an instant. Their talk throughout was trifling and ineffectual,
as it had begun. Mrs. Wordling was not Bedient's type. No woman could
have dethroned Beth Truba this hour. Bedient was not sorry (nothing he
had said seemed to animate) when Mrs. Wordling arose, and led the way
to the gate… which had been locked meanwhile.
Mrs. Wordling was inclined to cry a little. "One couldn't possibly
climb the fence!" she moaned.
"They have keys at the Club, haven't they?" Bedient asked.
"Yes. All the houses and establishments on the park front have keys.
It's private—that far…. I should have known it would be locked after
midnight. Our talk was so interesting!… Oh, one will die of exposure,
and the whole Club will seethe."
Bedient patted her shoulder cheerfully, and led the way along the fence
through the thick greenery, until they were opposite the Club entrance.
He had not known the park was ever locked. He saw disturbance
ahead—bright disturbance—but steadily refused to grant it importance.
He was sorry for Mrs. Wordling.
"Let the Club seethe, if it starts so readily," he observed.
The remark astonished his companion, who had concluded he was either
bashful to the depths, or some other woman's property, probably Beth
Truba's.
"But you men have nothing to lose!" she exclaimed.
"I ask you to pardon me," Bedient said quickly. "I had not thought of
it in that way."
They were watching the Club entrance. One o'clock struck over the city.
Mrs. Wordling had become cold, and needed his coat, though she had to
be forced to submit to its protection. At last, a gentleman entered the
Club, and Bedient called to the page who appeared in the doorway. The
boy stepped out into the street, when called a second time. Bedient
made known his trouble. The keys were brought and richly paid for,
though Bedient did not negotiate. The night-man smiled pleasantly, and
cheered them, with the word that this had happened before, on nights
less fine.
* * * * *
David Cairns had stepped into a telephone-booth in the main-hall of the
Smilax Club the following afternoon, to announce his presence in the
building to Vina Nettleton. Waiting for the exchange-operator to
connect, he heard two pages talking about Bedient and Mrs. Wordling.
These were bright street-boys, very clever in their uniforms, and
courteous, but street-boys nevertheless; and they had not noted the man
in the booth. A clouded, noisome thing, David Cairns heard. Doubtless
it had passed through several grades of back-stair intelligence before
it became a morsel for Cairns' particular informers. Having heard
enough to understand, he kicked the door shut, and Vina found him
distraught that day….
It was in the dusk of that afternoon when Cairns met Bedient, whose
happiness was eminent and shining as usual. Cairns gave him a chance to
mention the episode which had despoiled his own day, but Bedient seemed
to have forgotten it remotely. It was because such wonderful things had
been accomplished in his own life that Cairns was troubled. In no other
man would he have objected to this sort of affair, though he might have
criticised the trysting-place as a matter of taste. He had to bring up
the subject.
Bedient's face clouded. "How did you hear?"
Cairns told, but spared details.
"I hoped it wouldn't get out on account of Mrs. Wordling," Bedient
said. "I should have had the instinct to spare her from any such
comments. I didn't know the laws of the park. It was a perfect night.
We talked by the fountain. She was the first to suggest that we recross
the street—and there we were—locked in."
Cairns asked several questions. Once he started impatiently to say that
Mrs. Wordling had nothing to lose, but he caught himself in time. He
saw that Bedient had been handled a bit, and had only a vague idea that
he was embroiled in a scandal, the sordidness of which was apt to reach
every ear but the principals'. At all events, the old Bedient was
restored; in fact, if it were possible, he was brightened at one
certain angle. Cairns had been unable to forbear this question:
"But, Andrew, who suggested going across to the park?"
"I can't just say," Bedient answered thoughtfully. "You see we smelled
mignonette, and followed a common impulse. You should have seen the
night to understand…. I say, David, can I do anything to straighten
this out for Mrs. Wordling?"
"Only ignore it," Cairns said hastily. "I'll nip it—wherever it comes
up. And the next time a woman asks——"
"But I didn't say——"
"The next time you smell mignonette, think of it as a soporific. Just
yawn and say you've been working like a fire-horse on the Fourth….
You see, it isn't what happens that gets out to the others, including
those we care about, but what is imagined by minds which are not
decently policed."
"Crowds are cruel," Bedient mused.
Cairns had found it hard not to be spiteful toward one whom he
considered had abused his friend's fineness…. They dined at the Club.
The talk turned to a much fairer thing. Bedient saw (with deep and full
delight) that Cairns had sighted his island of that Delectable
Archipelago, and was making for it full-sailed. An enchanting idea came
to Bedient (the fruit of an hour's happy talk), as to the best way for
Cairns to make a landing in still waters….
Bedient was detailing the plan with some spirit, when Cairns' hand fell
swiftly upon his arm…. At a near table just behind, Mrs. Wordling was
sitting with a gentleman. Neither had noticed her come in. Mrs.
Wordling turned to greet them. She was looking her best, which was
sensational.
Bedient went one morning to the old Handel studio in East Fourteenth
Street. The Grey One had asked him to come. Bedient liked the Grey One.
He could laugh with Mrs. Wordling; Vina Nettleton awed him, though he
was full of praise for her; he admired Kate Wilkes and had a keen
relish for her mind. The latter had passed the crisis, had put on the
full armor of the world; she was sharp and vindictive and implacable to
the world; a woman who had won rather than lost her squareness, who
showed her strength and hid her tenderness. He had rejoiced in several
brushes with Kate Wilkes. There was a tang to them. A little sac of
fiery acid had formed in her brain. It came from fighting the world to
the last ditch, year after year. Her children played in the
quick-passing columns of the periodicals—ambidextrous, untamable,
shockingly rough in their games, these children, but shams slunk away
from their shrill laughter. In tearing down, she prepared for the
Builder.
Bedient was not at all at his best with Kate Wilkes; indeed, none of
the things that had aroused Vina and Beth and David, like sudden
arraignments from their higher selves, came to his lips with this
indomitable veteran opposite; still he would go far for ten minutes
talk with her. She needed nothing that he could give; her copy had all
gone to the compositor, her last forms were locked; and yet, he caught
her story from queer angles on the stones, and it was a transcript from
New York in this, the latest year of our Lord….
Bedient's "poise and general decency" disturbed the arrant man-hater
she had become; she called him "fanatically idealistic," and was
inclined to regard him at first as one of those smooth and finished
Orientalists who have learned to use their intellects to a dangerous
degree. But each time she talked with him, it seemed less possible to
put a philosophical ticket upon him. "He's not Buddhist, Vedantist,
neo-Platonist," she declared, deeply puzzled. Somehow she did not
attract from him, as did Vina Nettleton, the rare pabulum which would
have proved him just a Christian. Finally, from fragments brought by
Vina, the Grey One, and David Cairns, she hit upon a name for him that
would do, even if intended a trifle ironically at first: The Modern.
She was easier after that; became very fond of him, and only doubted in
her own thoughts, lest she hurt his work with the others, the good of
which she was quick to see…. "He does not break training," she said
at last. "He cut out a high place and holds it easily. Suppose he is
The Modern?" she asked finally. "If he is, we who thought ourselves
modern, should laugh and clap our hands!" This was open heresy to the
Kate Wilkes of the world. "I thought I was past that," she sighed.
"Here I am getting ready to be stung again."
Certain of her barbed sentences caught in Bedient's mind: "Women whom
men avoid for being 'strong-minded' are apt to be strongest in their
affections. You can prove this by the sons of clinging vines."…
"Beware of the man who discusses often, and broods much, upon his
spiritual growth, when he fails to make his wife happy."… "A man's
courage may be just his cowardice running forward under the fear of
scorn from his fellows."… "The most passionate mother is likely to be
the least satisfied with just passion from her husband. Wedded to a man
capable of real love, this woman, of all earth's creatures, is the most
natural monogamist."… "A real woman had three caskets to give to a
man she loved. One day she read in his eyes that he could take but the
nearest and lowest; and that moment arose in her heart the wailing cry:
'The King is dead!'"… "The half-grown man never understands that
woman is happiest, and at her best in all her services to him, when he
depends upon her for a few of the finer things."…
Also Kate Wilkes had a way of doing a memorable bit of criticism in a
sentence or two: Regarding MacDowell, the American composer, "He left
the harvest to the others, but what exquisite gleanings he found!"…
As to Nietschze; "He didn't see all; his isn't the last word; but he
crossed the Forbidden Continent, and has spoken deliriously, half-mad
from the journey."… And her beloved Whitman, "America's wisest
patriot."…
* * * * *
Bedient liked the Grey One. He liked her that afternoon, when she asked
if he cared to come up to Vina Nettleton's with her. There was real
warmth in her manner from the first…. Always that illusion of having
played with her long ago, stole into mind with her name or presence.
(Once he had found her sobbing, about something she wouldn't tell. She
had always been ready to give up things. The smile she had for him,
would remain upon her lips, while she thought of something else. She
would leave the others and wait for him to come and find her.) These
things were altogether outside of human experience, a sweet and subtly
attractive run of vagaries which had to do with a tall yellow-haired
maid, now Marguerite Grey…. From something Cairns had said, Bedient
knew she was unhappy. He saw it afresh when he entered the big still
place where she was. She had been working, but dropped a curtain over
the easel as he entered.
"Did I come at a wrong time?" he asked. "I can just as well come
again."
"I don't know of any time so good. You may not want to come again."
She had not been weeping. He saw that with a quick look. It was deeper
than that—something cold and slow and creeping, that made her reckless
with hatred, and writhing. Answering Bedient's swift glance, she
perceived that he had seen deeply, and was glad. It eased her; she
hoped he had seen all, for she was sick with holding her own….
Meanwhile, her soft voice was telling him about her house. The pictures
of her own here and there, were passed over quickly. Children, these,
that the world had found wanting; badly-brought-up children that the
world had frightened back to the parent roof where they warred with one
another.
Back of all, Bedient saw a most feminine creature in the Grey One,
naturally defenceless in her life against the world; a woman so preyed
upon by moods that many a time she gladly would have turned devil, but
was helpless to know how to begin; again and again plucked to the quick
by the world. She had put on foreign scepticisms, and pitifully
attempted to harden herself; but the hardening, try as she would, could
not be spread evenly. It didn't protect her, as Kate Wilkes' did, only
made her the more misunderstood. She did not have less talent than Vina
or Beth; indeed, she had been considered of rather rich promise in
Paris; but she had less developed energies and balance to use them,
less physique. She lacked the spirit of that little thoroughbred, Vina
Nettleton, and the pride and courage of Beth Truba. The Grey One had
been badly hurt in that sadly sensitive period which follows the
putting away of girlish things—when womanhood is new and wonderful.
She was slow to heal. Few men interested her, but she needed a
man-friend, some one to take her in hand. She had needed such a one for
years. He would have been of little use, had he not come at this time.
Bedient's eager friendliness for this woman was one of the most
interesting things he had encountered in New York, a sort of fellowship
which no one else had evoked. The Grey One had felt something of this,
but had learned to expect so little, that she had not allowed herself
to think about it. Only she had felt suddenly easier, perceiving the
comprehension in his glance.
They had talked an hour, and were having tea. He admired some of her
pictures unreservedly. They were like her voice to him—lingering,
soft, mysteriously of the long-ago. Their settings were play-places
that he might have imagined. She believed what he said, but did not
approve of his perception. She had lost faith. It was the sailor part
of him that liked her pictures.
"I had great dreams when I came to New York three years ago," she said
somewhat scornfully. "For a time in Paris, I did things with little
thought, and they took very well. I must have been happy. Then when I
came here, all that period was gone. I was to be an artist—sheer,
concentrated, the nothing-else sort of an artist. And things went so
well for a time. That's queer when you think of it. The papers took me
up. They gave me an exhibition at the Smilax Club, and not a few
things were disposed of. In fact, when I learned that this studio was
to be let, I was so prosperous as to consider it none too adequate for
Margie Grey herself——
"Since then these things and others have been done, and they haven't
struck the vogue at all. First, I thought it was just one of those
changing periods which come to every artist, in which one does badly
during the transition. I have continued to do badly. It was not a
change of skin. I have become sour and ineffectual, and know it——"
"You won't mind if I say you are wrong?" Bedient asked quietly.
"No," she laughed. "Only please don't tell me that I'm only a little
ahead of my time; that presently these things will dart into the public
mood, and people will squabble among themselves to possess them——"
"I might have told you just that—if you hadn't warned me…. I like
your woods; they're the sort of woods that fairies come to; and I like
your fields and afternoons—I can hear the bees and forget myself in
them. I know they're good."
The Grey One whipped out a match and cigarette from the pocket of her
blouse, lit it and stared at her covered easel. "You have your way,
don't you?" she asked, and her lips were tightened to keep from
trembling.
"It isn't a way," he said. "It's a matter of feeling. I never judge a
book or picture, but when I feel them, they are good to me. I would
have stopped before some of these in any gallery, because I feel them.
They make me steal away——"
"I'm hard-hearted and a scoffer," she said, holding fast. "It isn't
that I want to be—oh, you are different. I don't believe you were ever
tired!… I see what David Cairns meant about your coming up here out
of the seas with a fresh eye—and all your ideals…. Don't you
see—we're all tired out! New York has made us put our ideals
away—commercial, romantic—every sort of ideal…. Oh, it's harder for
a woman to talk like this than for a man; she's slower to learn it.
When a woman does learn it, you may know she carries scars——"
The Grey One arose. She looked tall and gaunt, and her eyes had that
burning look which dries tears before they can be shed. He did not
hasten to speak.
"It's crude to talk so to you, but you came to-day," she went on. "I
had about given up. The race—oh, it's a race to sanctuary right
enough—but so long!… In the forenoons one can run, but strength
doesn't last."
With a quick movement, the Grey One tossed up the covering from the
easel. He saw a girl in red, natty figure, piquant face. It was not
finished. She was to stand at the head of a saddle-horse, as yet
embryonic. She stepped hastily to a little desk and poked at a
formidable pile of business-looking correspondence.
"Do these look like an artist's communications?" she asked in the dry
pent way that goes with burning eyes…. "They are not, but letters to
one who paints for lithographers' stones! See here——"
And now she lifted a couch-cover, and drew from beneath a big portfolio
which she opened on the floor before him. It was filled with flaring
magazine covers, calendars, and other painted products having to do
with that expensive sort of advertising which packing-houses and
steel-shops afford. Girls—girls mounted side and astride, girls in
racing-shells and skiting motor-boats, in limousines and runabouts, in
dirigibles and 'planes;—seaside, mountain and prairie girls;
house-boat, hunting and skating girls; even a vivid parlor variety—all
conventional, colorful and unsigned.
"Eight years in Europe for these," she said in a dragging, morbid tone.
"And the letters on the table say I may do more, as the managers of
shirt-waist factories might say to poor sewing-women when business is
good. And they pay piece-work prices just the same; and they want
girls, not real girls, but things of bright paint like these! Oh, they
know what they want—and they must be common in order to suit—girls of
just paint——"
"And women of just flesh," said Bedient. "New York has shown me that
about so many men!"
This startled her—made her forget the sailor part. It was particularly
in the range of her mood that moment, and seemed finished.
"You're going to feel a lot better, and soon," he went on. "It's going
to be much better than you think——"
She drew suddenly back, hatred altering her features as a gust of wind
on the face of a pool.
"You mean my marriage?" she asked, clearing her voice.
"I did not know that you were to be married," he said quickly. "I'm
sorry not to have been clearer. I meant the days to come through your
work—and nothing more."
"A few have heard that I'm to be married," she said. "I thought you had
heard. As a matter of fact, it is not settled. Oh, I have croaked to
you terribly—please forgive me!"
"That first night, I felt that we were old friends at once," he added,
rising and standing before her. "The next day, you said it was just
like a dream—the night before—and it was the same to me. We went up
to Miss Nettleton's on the minute, just as if we were old playmates,
and you had said, 'Let's——'… So to-day, you have only told an old
friend things—trying things—exactly as you should. And I—I think
you're brave to have done so well—for so long. I like New York better.
I'm coming again. I like your pictures. They are not just paint….
Hasn't anyone told you—don't you know—that it wouldn't hurt you at
all to do the others—if your real pictures were just paint? And since
you are driven to do them, and don't do them out of greed, nor through
commonness, nor by habit, they can't hurt your real work? I really
believe, too, that it is what you have done that will help you, and
bring the better times, and not what anyone else will do…. I seem to
be talking a great deal—as I could not at all, except for the sense of
an old friend's authority, and to one I have found rare and admirable.
Believe me, I have very good eyes,—New York has not printed its metal
soul upon you."
The Grey One had listened with bowed head. A tall woman is at her
loveliest, standing so. She regarded his face searchingly for an
instant, smiled, and turned away.
* * * * *
Bedient asked no one. He did not know that the race Marguerite Grey was
running was with American dollars, and that the sanctuary she meant was
only a debtless spinsterhood. He did not know that she dared not give
up the Handel studio while she held a single hope of her vogue
returning. Only the great, who are permitted eccentricities, dare
return to their garrets. Nor did Bedient know that her marriage meant
she had failed utterly, and that another must square her debts; that
only out of the hate of defeat could she give herself for this
price…. Still, Bedient knew quite enough.
It was a little later, after he had been truly admitted into the circle
he loved so well, that Beth told him the story of the Grey One's first
collision with the man world. It was a rainy afternoon; they were
together in the studio he always entered with reverence.
"She is different from Vina," Beth said, speaking of Marguerite Grey.
"She has been working fearfully and she's not made for such furious
sessions as Vina Nettleton can endure. Vina seems replenished by her
own atmosphere. She told me once that when her work is coming well, her
whole body sings, all the functions in rhythm. Aren't people strange?
That little soft thing with baby hands! Why, her physical labor alone
some days would weary a strong man—and that is the thoughtless part.
"But I was telling you about the Grey One. Sometimes I think she is
more noble than we understand—one of those strange, solitary women who
love only once. At least, she seems to ask only success in her work,
and what that will bring her." Beth thought a moment of the horrible
alternative which she did not care to explain to Bedient. "A few years
ago in Europe—just a young thing, she was, when she met her hero. He
was a good man, and loved her. I knew them both over there. In the
beginning, it was one of those really golden romances, and in Italy.
One day, a woman came to the Grey One, and in the lightest, brassiest
way, asked to be congratulated on her engagement, mentioning the man
whose attentions Marguerite had accepted as a heavenly dispensation.
This was in Florence. The woman hurried away that day for London. The
Grey One, just a gullible girl, was left half dead. When her lover
came, she refused to see him. He wrote a letter which she foolishly
sent back, unopened. And she returned to Paris—all this in the first
shock…. She did not hear from him again for two years. Word came that
he was married—no, not to that destroyer, but to a girl who made him
happy, let us hope. The Grey One penetrated then to the truth. He had
only a laughing acquaintance with the other woman to whom he was one of
several chances. Leaving Florence, she had crippled the Grey One. This
is just the bare fact—but it is enough to show how the lie of a
worthless woman—kept Marguerite from happiness. And she has remained
apart…. It is said that the Grey One encountered the destroyer here
in New York a few months ago, the first time since that day in
Florence. So natural was evil to this woman, that she did not remember,
but came forward gushingly—and would have kissed her victim…."
Beth had seen Andrew Bedient almost daily for three weeks. Many
wonderful moments had been passed together; indeed, there were moments
when he reached in her mind that height he had gained at once in the
ideals of Vina Nettleton. But he was sustained in Vina's mind, while
Beth encountered reactions…. "I believe he is beyond sex—or fast
going beyond—though he may not know it," Vina had said in effect….
On the contrary, the Shadowy Sister had sensed a lover in the room.
Beth had perceived what Vina meant—the mystic who worshipped woman as
an abstraction—but it had also come to her, that he could love one.
Beth would not trust the Shadowy Sister, but was determined to judge
Bedient according to world standards. Plainly she attracted him, but
could not be sure that her attraction was unique, though she always
remembered that he had told of his mother only to her. He had a
different mood, a different voice almost, for each of the other women
of their acquaintance. His liking for the Grey One mystified Beth; Vina
Nettleton had charmed him, brought forth in a single afternoon many
intimate things from his depths. He spoke pleasantly of Mrs. Wordling.
The Shadowy Sister was bewitched. To her a great lover had come—a
lover who had added to a boy's delicacy and beauty of ideal, a man's
certainty and power. This was the trusting, visionary part of Beth,
that had not entered at all into the other romance. Beth refused now to
be ruled by it. The world had hurt her. The fault was not hers, but the
world's. The only profit she could see to be drawn from her miseries of
the past was to use her head to prevent repetition. Hearts were
condemned.
And yet, the contrasting conduct of the Shadowy Sister in this and that
other romance, was one of the most astonishing things in Beth's
experience. (Sailor-man had but to enter and speak, for Shadowy Sister
to appear in kneeling adoration.)
Often Bedient was allowed to stay while she worked at other things. His
own portrait prospered slowly, a fact in which the world might have
found humor. And often they talked together long after the slanting
light had made work impossible; their faces altered in the dim place;
their voices low…. There were moments when the woman's heart stirred
to break its silence; when the man before her seemed bravely a man, and
the confines of his nature to hold magnificent distances. If she could
creep within those confines, would it not mean truly to live?… But
the years would sweep through her mind—grim, gray, implacable
chariots—and in their dusty train, the specific memories of fleshly
limitation and untruth. To survive, she had been forced to lock her
heart; to hold every hope in the cold white fingers of fear; cruelly to
curb the sweep of feminine outpouring, lest its object soften into
chaos; and roused womanhood, returning empty—overwhelm. This is the
sorriest instinct of self-preservation.
She would have said at this time that Andrew Bedient had not aroused
the woman in her as the Other had done. Indeed, she paled at the
thought that the Other had exhausted a trifle, her great force of
heart-giving. There had been beauty in such a bestowal—pain and
passion—but beauty, too…. Another strange circumstance: Bedient had
made her think of the Other so differently. She had half put away her
pride; she might have been too insistent for her rights. The Other
really had improved miraculously from the poor boy who had come to
their house. And to the artist's eye, he was commandingly masculine, a
veritable ideal…. Bedient was different every day.
The visit to the gallery, too, had given Beth much to think over. What
he had said about the pictures, especially before the one he had called
The Race Mother, had revealed his processes of mind, and made her
feel very small for a while. She saw that all her own talk had not
lifted from herself, from her own troubles, and certain hateful aspects
of the world; while his thoughts had concerned the sufferings of all
women, and the fruitage that was to come from them. She had talked for
herself; he for the race. But he had merely observed the life of
women, while she had lived that life.
Why did Andrew Bedient continue to show her seemingly inexhaustible
sources of fineness, ways so delicate and wise that the Shadowy Sister
was conquered daily, and was difficult to live with? It is true that
Bedient asked nothing. But if the hour of asking struck, what should
she say to him? (Here Shadowy Sister was firmly commanded to begone.)
Beth had not been able to answer alone…. Could Vina Nettleton be
right? Was her studio honored by a man who was beyond the completing of
any woman? If so, why did Shadowy Sister so delight in him? Or was this
proof that he was not designed to be the human mate of woman? These
were mighty quandaries. Beth determined to talk about prophets when he
came again…. Her friends told her she hadn't looked so well in years.
Beth drew forth at length a picture of the Other Man, that she had
painted recently from a number of kodak prints. The work of a miniature
had been put upon it. A laughing face, a reckless face, but huge and
handsome. Before her, was the contrasting work of the new portrait. The
two pictures interested her together…. Bedient was at the door. It
was his hour. Beth placed the smaller picture upon the mantle, instead
of in its hidden niche—and admitted the Shadowy Sister's Knight….
"I saw Vina yesterday," she observed, after work was begun. "She was
still talking about prophets and those other things you said——"
"What a real interest she has," Bedient answered. "She has asked me for
a Credo—in two or three hundred words—to embody the main outline of
the talk that day. Perhaps it can be done. I'm trying."
"How interesting!"
"If one could put all his thinking into a few pages, that would be big
work."…
After a pause, Beth said:
"Don't think I'm flippant if I ask: How do these men who, in their
maturity, become great spiritual forces, escape being caught young by
some perceiving woman?"
"I'm not so sure the question could be put better," Bedient said.
"There is often a time in the youth of men, to whom illumination comes
later, when they hang divided between the need of woman and some inner
austerity that commands them to go alone."
"If they disobey, does the light fail to come?" Beth asked.
"It is less likely to come. But then, often the youth of such men is
spent in some great passion for an unattainable woman, a distant star
for the groping years. In other cases, women have divined the mystic
quality, and instead of giving themselves, have held the young
visionaries pure. Again, poverty, that grim stepmother of the elect,
often intervenes. And to common women—such lovers are absurd, beyond
comprehension. That helps…. Illumination comes between the age of
thirty and forty. After that, the way is clear. They do not grope, they
see; they do not believe, they feel and know."
Beth found these things absorbing, though she accepted them only
tentatively. She saw they were real to him—as bread and wool and
paint.
"There is an impulse, too, among serious young men to live the life of
asceticism and restraint," Bedient added. "It comes out of their very
strength. This is the hasty conclusion of monasteries——"
"Hasty?"
"Well—unfledged saints fall…. Their growth becomes self-centred. The
intellect expands at the expense of soul, a treacherous way that leads
to the dark…. And then—a man must father his own children
beautifully before he can father his race."
"That sounds unerring to me," Beth said.
"Why, it's all the Holy Spirit driving the race!" Bedient exclaimed
suddenly. "You can perceive the measure of it in every man. Look at the
multitude. The sexes devour each other; marriage is the vulgarest
proposition of chance. Men and women want each other—that is all they
know. They have no exquisite sense of selection. In them this glorious
driving Energy finds no beautiful surfaces to work upon, just the
passions, the meat-fed passions. Here is quantity. Nature is always
ruthless with quantity, as cities are ruthless with the crowds. Here is
the great waste, the tearing-down, and all that is ghastly among the
masses; yet here and there from some pitiful tortured mother emerges a
faltering artist—her dream."
"You never forget her, do you,—that figure which sustains through the
darkness and horror?"
"I cannot," he smiled. "No race would outlast a millenium without her.
Such women are saviors—always giving themselves to men—silently
falling with men."
"But about the artist?" Beth asked. "What is his measure of the driving
Energy? How does it work upon him?"
"He has risen from the common," Bedient replied. "He feels the furious
need of completion, some one to ignite his powers and perfect his
expression. It is a woman, but he has an ideal about her. He rushes
madly from one to another, as a bee to different blooms. The flesh and
the devil pull at him, too; surface beauty blinds him, and the world he
has come from, hates him for emerging. It is a fight, but he has not
lost, who fails once. The women who know him are not the same again.
The poor singer destroys his life, but leaves a song, a bit of
fastidiousness. The world remembers the song, links it with the
destroyed life, and loves both.
"But look at the mother-given prophets standing alone, militant but
tender, the real producers! The spirit that sparks fitfully in the
artist is a steady flame now. Their giving is to all, not to one. What
they take of the world is very little, but through them to the world is
given direct the Holy Spirit. Saint Paul and the Forerunner are the
highest types, and in perspective. Their way is the way of the Christ,
Who showed the world that unto the completed union of Mystic Womanhood
and militant manhood, is added Godhood.
"There are immediate examples of men maturing in prophecy," Bedient
concluded. "Men in our own lives almost—Whitman, Lincoln, Thoreau,
Emerson, Carlyle, Wordsworth. See the poise and the service which came
from their greater gifts. Contrast them with the beautiful boys who
searched so madly, so vainly, among the senses—Burns, Byron, Shelley,
Keats, Poe. What noble elder brothers they are! More _con_tent, they
have, more soul-age, more of the visioning feminine principle…. And
see how flesh destroys! In the small matter of years they lived, the
prophets more than doubled the age of the singers. Their greatest work
was done in the years which the lyric-makers did not reach…. The
great masses of the world have not yet the spark which shows itself in
the singing poetic consciousness. Such men are mere males, leaning upon
matter, soldiers and money-makers, pitifully unlit, chance children,
without fastidiousness, but all on the road."
"There will be plenty, yes, more than plenty," said Beth, "to take the
places of those, who confine their parenthood to the race."
Bedient was gone, and though his incorruptible optimism was working
more than ever in her heart, that which she had sought to learn, had
not come. Prophet or not, his smile at the door had left something
volatile within her, something like girlhood in her heart. He had not
overlooked the picture upon the mantel. Twice she had looked up, and
found him regarding it…. It was the late still time of afternoon.
Beth felt emotional. She ran over several songs on the piano, while the
dusk thickened in the studio. One was about an Indian maiden who
yearned for the sky-blue water; another about an Irish Kathleen who
gave her lover to strike a blow for the Green; and still another
concerned a girl who would rather lie in the dust of her lord's chariot
than be the ecstasy of lesser man. Beth Truba's face was upturned to
the light—to the last pallor of day. She was like a wraith singing and
communing with the tuneful tragedies of women world-wide. But there was
gaiety in her heart…. Then the knocker, the scurrying of dreams away,
and the voice of Marguerite Grey in the dark.
"Most romantic—song, hour and all," she said, while Beth turned on the
lamps.
"Beth Truba is naturally so romantic——"
"Possibly the piano could tell tales; I know my 'cello could," said the
Grey One. "Beth, dear, I am touching wood, and praying to preserve 'an
humble and a contrite heart,' but reeking with commerce. Sold three
pictures—real pictures. The one that was hanging at Torvin's so long
was sold four days ago, and Torvin immediately took two more——"
"Margie Grey, there are few things you could tell to make me happier,"
Beth exclaimed, coming forward with both hands out.
"I know it. That's why I came."
"With Torvin interested, anything is liable to happen. He's one of the
few in New York who know, and those who buy carefully know he knows.
Really we should celebrate…. Let's get Vina to go with us, and we
three set out in search of an absurd supper——"
Beth phoned at once. Her part was utterly disconnected. She put up the
receiver, smiling.
"What have you to say—about those two going out to dinner?"
"Vina and David Cairns?"
"Exactly."
A long, low talk followed, but Beth did not tell that she had spurred
David to look deeply into Vina's case, through a remark made by Andrew
Bedient…. The Grey One was emancipated, restless. She bloomed like a
lily as she moved about the studio, above the shaded reading-lamps.
Beth felt her happiness, the intensity of it, and rejoiced with her.
Bedient came in for discussion presently, and the park episode. Beth,
who had not heard, grew cold, and remembered her own call at Mrs.
Wordling's apartment, with the poster…. The Grey One was speaking as
if Beth had heard about the later park affair:
"… Sometimes that woman seems so obvious, and again so deep."
"I have failed to see the deep part," Beth ventured, turning her face
from the light.
"Evidently she interests Mr. Bedient."
"I wonder if she really does?" Beth said idly. The Grey One was not a
tale-bearer. She would not have spoken at all, except granting Beth's
knowledge.
"I don't like to see him lose caste that way," the Grey One went on.
"He's too splendid, and yet she's the sort that twirls men. She knows
he has interested all of us, and doubtless wants to show her
strength. Possibly he hasn't thought twice about it. That's what Vina
says. And then Mrs. Wordling was one of those first asked to meet him.
I wish David Cairns hadn't done that——"
"David's idea was all right," Beth said slowly. "He thought one of her
kind would set us all off to advantage. Then, I was painting her
poster——"
"It would have been only a little joke in a man's club, but the
Smilax took to it as something looked and yearned for long…. Two
things appear funny to me. Mrs. Wordling has lived at the Club part of
the year for three years, and yet didn't know the Park was locked at
midnight. And she, who has done all the crying about consequences, was
the one who told me——"
Beth was beginning to understand. Here was an opening such as she had
awaited: "What is her story?" she asked.
"Why, they met between eleven and twelve coming into the Club—one of
those perfect nights. Wordling dismissed her carriage and talked a
little while before going in. The Park looked inviting for a
stroll—full moon, you know. They crossed. Wordling didn't know or had
forgotten about midnight locking. 'His talk was so interesting,' she
said…. It was after one, when Mr. Bedient hailed a page at the Club
entrance."
"From inside the bars, across the street?" Beth asked.
"Of course. The boy came over with the keys."
"How clumsy and uninteresting, even innocence of that sort can be!"
Beth remarked. "And Mrs. Wordling was so zealous for you to hear that
she told you herself?"
"That is rather humorous, isn't it?" the Grey One agreed. "Of course
she supposed I had heard, and wanted to be sure the truth came to me. I
think, too, she wanted me to know that Mr. Bedient had invited her to
go to the shore for a few days—later. She asked if I thought she had
better go——"
"And you told her?" Beth managed to say.
"Just as you would, that she was an adult and must use her own
judgment."
"Exactly," said Beth, and then a sentence got away from her, though she
contrived to garb it in a laugh. "He won't go to the shore with Mrs.
Wordling!… Wait until I get my hat."
* * * * *
In the little room alone, she saw that the long dark road must be
traversed again; the chains had fallen upon her anew—their former
wounds yet unhealed…. The old lies and acting; the old hateful
garment for the world to see; suffering beneath a smile. She must hear
the voice of Beth Truba lightly observing and answering, while
she—the heart of her—was deathly ill.
Her throat tightened; it seemed her breast must burst with old and new
agonies. Once more she had given her full faith. This was clear now.
She had been a weakling again, and tumultuously, in spite of an ugly
warning! Had she not called at Wordling's apartment with the poster?
Had she not heard the whispers, the overturned chair and scornfully
fathomed the delayed answering of the door?… And to think she had
almost succeeded in putting that rankling incident away, though he had
not been in New York a month. And the shame of it, the recent hours she
had spent, with this visionary thing; that he was beyond mating with
a woman of flesh—beyond her best—a forerunner with glad tidings for
all women!… Forerunner, indeed, and twice caught in a second-rate
woman's net of beguilings! Twice caught, and how many times
uncaught?… And she had thought herself hard and sceptical in his
presence.
The old romance looked clean and fair compared to this—the old lover,
boyish and forgivable. He had not won by preaching…. Where was the
Shadowy Sister now?
There was no quarter for Beth. She was a modern product, a twentieth
century woman, an angry, solitary, world-trained woman, who could not
make a concession to imperfect manhood. This was the key to all her
agonies. She had asked manhood of mind, and could not accept less. The
awful part was that she must do over again all the hateful strategies,
all the concealing and worldliness—her body, mind and soul sorely
crippled from before. That she must thus use her womanhood, her
precious prime of strength. One experience had not hardened her enough.
With what corrosion of self-hatred did she turn upon herself that
moment!
Her intellect had faltered; the Shadowy Sister had betrayed; David
Cairns had been consummately stupid; Vina Nettleton was soft with
dreams, and not to be reckoned with in the world; Vina could tell her
woes, but she, Beth Truba, must not scream nor fall. She must face the
woman in the other room, sit across a lighted table for an hour, and
talk and laugh. Her heart cried out against this, but pride uprose to
whip—Beth's iron pride finished under the world's mastery. Slowly,
rhythmically, the blows fell. Beth could not run away.
She stretched out her fingers, which were biting into her palms,
drenched her face with cold water, breathed for a minute by the open
window like a doe in covert…. There was ammonia, and she inhaled the
potent fumes….
"_Pale hands I loved
Beside the Shalimar——"
hummed the Grey One, from the open sheet on the piano.
Beth faltered at the door, for the song hurled her back to an hour ago
with bruising force. She re-entered the little room—to fix her hat….
"You weren't long, Beth," the Grey One said.
"No?… I'm glad of that, but speaking of glad things, let us not
forget Torvin."
Beth was already turning out the lights.
"You look a little tired, dear," the Grey One said in the elevator.
"It's the time of day," Beth responded readily. After being in all day,
and suddenly deciding to go out, haven't you felt a tension come over
you as if you could hardly wait a minute?"
"Many times, dear, as if one must snatch hat and gloves and get into
the street at any cost."
* * * * *
Beth came in alone about ten, sighed as the latch clicked, and sat down
in the dark. But she rose again in a moment, for she didn't like the
dark. She was worn out, even physically; and yet it was different now
from the first reaction. Bedient had not continued to fit so readily to
commonness, as in those first implacable moments in the little room. He
had never judged anyone in her presence; had spoken well of everyone,
even of Mrs. Wordling. He was no intimidated New Yorker, who felt he
must conduct himself for the eyes of others.
Mrs. Wordling had not shown the quality to hold the fancy position she
aspired to, in the little circle of artists at the Club; and retaliated
by showing her power over the lion of this circle. She had challenged
him to cross the street, knowing they would be locked in and that the
Club would hear. She had desired this, having nothing to lose. For fear
the Grey One had not heard, she had told the story. The recent agony in
the little room was great, above the Wordling's expectations…. And
now Beth faltered. Had Andrew Bedient asked her to join him somewhere
on the shore? She could not see him asking this; and yet, regarded as a
fiction plunge, it seemed bigger and more formidable than Wordling
could devise.
This must wait. This must prove. If he went away—enough! She had been
hasty and implacable once—this time she would wait.
Beth would have liked to talk with David Cairns, but she could not
bring up such a subject. This was not her sort of talk-material with
him. Plainly he would not mention it, in the hope that her ears had
missed it entirely.
She had even felt a rage against the Grey One for bringing the news.
This helped to show how maddened and unjust she was, in those first
terrible moments. Piece by piece she had drawn the odious thing from
her caller, who was by no means inclined to spread and thicken the
shadow of an evil tale. Marguerite Grey was not a weigher of motives,
nor penetrative in the chemistry of scandal. So many testimonies had
come to her of the world's commonness that she had become flexible in
judgment. What had been so terrible at first was to identify Andrew
Bedient with these sordid things, so obvious and shallow. But was he
identified with them? Rather, did he not feel himself sufficiently an
entity to be safe in any company? Did he not trust her, and worth-while
people, to grant him this much?… This was the highest point in the
upsweep of her thoughts.
So the story extracted from the Grey One was held free from its fatal
aspect, until time should dissolve the matter of the shore…. After
all, the lamplight, usually soft and mellow in the gold-brown room,
held an alien, unearthly glitter for Beth's strained eyes…. Was it
that which kept the Shadowy Sister afar, as the light from the colored
pane in the hall of his boyhood had frightened him?
David Cairns was coming along. He had ridden his ego down stream, until
he heard the rapids. Now he was towing it back. He planned to go just
as far and as fast up stream as he could. The current, to him, had
become the crowd. One can see the crowd as it brushes past, as one can
never see it from the ruck…. Sometimes it came to him in a flash,
that this new David Cairns was but another lie and pose—but this
couldn't hold. It was a bit of deviltry that wouldn't stand scrutiny.
There had been too much unfolding o' nights; too many gifts found upon
the doorstep of his mind in the morning, revealing the sleepless
activity of something identified with him, but wiser than he; too much
cutting down of false cultures, and outpourings of sincere friendship,
and general joy of giving. Then, there was some real clean-cut thinking
that expressed itself with brevity and finish; and also, the
wonder-working in his heart—the happiest thing that had ever
befallen—his conception of the genius of woman in Vina Nettleton.
Cairns' experience with women was not nearly so large as it looked. He
had known many women, but impersonally. He was late to mature, and all
his younger energies were used for what he had believed to be the
world's work, but what he now perceived were the activities of a vain,
ego-driven intellect, that delighted to attract the passing eye by the
ring of the anvil and a great show of unsleeved muscle. Much of this
early work had kept him afield, and his calls home to New York had
inflicted upon him the fatal stimulus for quantity. His still earlier
years were passed in a home where a placid mother reigned, and a large
family of sisters served. He, therefore, met the world's women without
that mighty tang of novelty which features the young manhood of the
unsistered.
He had undergone his mannish period of treason to women generally.
These were the days when he believed in using force—punishing with
words—"punch," he called it. This is a mental indelicacy which the
ordinary man seldom outgrows. His crowning fact is that dynamite will
loosen stumps and break rock. Therefore, all that is not dynamite is
not proper man-stuff. Woman, to this sort, is something between "an
angel and an idiot." She must be guarded from herself in all that has
to do with thought and performance. As panderer and caterer, she
emphatically belongs. Young men grasp this. If they reach middle age
with it, only an angel can roll the stone away.
Cairns now realized he had been near to missing one of the greatest
moments that come into the life of man. What chance has the ordinary
male—half-grown, except physically—of ever glowing with real
chivalry? To him women are easy, common, plentiful, without mystery or
lofty radiance. How can the valor of humility brighten his quest? How
can he be a lover—who does not realize his poverty, his evil, the
vastness of his need? What does it mean to the mere male, this highest
of earthly gifts, the glance from a woman which ends his quest of her,
the gift of herself? To be great and a man, and a lover, he must reach
that point of declaration which holds: Without her, I am an outcast;
with her I can alter worlds! A transcendent moment of conquest is the
winning of a woman, to such a spirit….
A frightful void stretches between mere man and reality…. Mere man
must be baptized in spirit to feel the anguish that is woman's, to give
her real treasures to some male. Which are the greater artists and
producers, the saviors of the race? Those heroines who survive the
heart-break of man's indelicacy, and manage alone to give their
treasures to their children. The art of such women lives, indeed. David
Cairns was coming along.
The work that Andrew Bedient began in the Cairns mind and heart was
being finished by Vina Nettleton. In great thirst of soul, he had come
to her and been restored. He was very eager to leave all he had in the
shelter of the palms.
"David," Bedient had said, "there is only one greater work for a man in
the world than making a woman happy; and that—making all women
happier! It seems that an avatar must come for that soon. To-day the
great gifts of women are uncalled for by men. They cannot take each
other, save in physical arms. There is a barrier between the sexes. Man
has not learned, or has forgotten, the heart-language. What a need for
lovers! If one could look into the secret places of women, across the
world's table, into the minds of women who hate and are restless, and
whose desires rove; even into the minds of those who actually venture
beyond the man-made pale, he would see over all the need of lovers!…
Give a woman love, and she will give the world lovers, and we shall
have brotherhood singing in our ears…. David, I ask you only to look
at the genius born of woman, in and out of wedlock, during the first
days of her mating with a man whom she believes to be all that she has
cried out for. He may have destroyed every hope afterward, sacked every
sanctuary, but, if she trembled close to her great happiness in the
beginning, the child of such a beginning has glory upon his brow!"
Cairns was ready to see; ready to read this in the history of men. More
than this, he was ready to flood fresh dawns of light into the tired
eyes of Vina Nettleton, and upon her pallor make roses bloom. Moreover,
he could discern in her an immortal artist, the conception of which
changed him from a male to a man.
And of this seeing came another needed conception: that intellectual
arrogance is the true modern devil; that the ancient devil, desire of
flesh, is obvious, banal, and commonplace, compared to this…. He
dared to bring his realizations to a woman, and found that she had a
crown for each and every one. And he learned to talk to her about
things vital to men and women, and found that this was the strangest,
grandest and most providential hour in the world—this newest hour.
It was with a rich and encompassing delight that Cairns discovered
Vina's fineness, endurance, delicacy, and intuition. He was humble
before her spirit, for he had become sensitive to that which was mystic
and ineffable. He saw through her, a sanction and authority for his own
future years, her light upon the work he must do. The animation of his
mind in her presence was pure with service. And Vina awakened, for she
saw with trembling, what is a miracle to a modern woman's eyes, man's
delight to honor that which is most truly woman's. So her girlhood
crept back.
* * * * *
At first Vina thought he was using her for a study. They had long been
friends; she was glad to be of assistance; so he was free to come and
go, and she was free with him as only an old comrade can be—one who
expects nothing. They had great talks about Bedient; both revered him,
and were grateful for his coming. And Vina was not slow to see the
change in David Cairns; that it was in nowise momentary, but sound and
structural. She took a deep interest in his progress, mothered it, made
him glad to show her its phases.
"Things are looking so differently to me," he said, one of the first
days. "It makes me think of the American soldiers I met the first time
afield—the time I met Bedient. I praised the officers for their own
home papers. They looked so big and thrilling to me, as men. It was
easy. I remember riding with a cavalry leader one rough day—a long
day. He was hard and still with courage. He rolled a hundred cigarettes
that day. I thought him the genius of an officer. Then I saw him
afterward over here. It was the same with others. They seemed to have
left their glory out there among the swamps and the hills…. It's the
same way with the things I thought before Bedient came…. I can see
your things a lot better."
It was true, he could. Vina had noted that. He could sense her
atmosphere, and divine her intents. Formerly, he had taken the word of
the others that she had power for her work…. Almost every afternoon
now he tapped at her door. Entering, he would take a seat by the
fire-frame, stare a bit at the city or the tower, or move about behind
her, regarding the freshly done work; and presently they would find
themselves talking. It was because David Cairns, as a lover, was out of
the question from her point of view in the first days, that such a
splendid companionship was established. He did not know that a woman
could be such a companion; and her unconsciousness of his deeper quest,
gave her an ease with him, that was one of the secrets of her great and
growing charm.
Heretofore, all feminine aspirants for Cairns' admiration had ranged
themselves in his mind against the paragon, Beth Truba (with whom he
had long comported himself with a rueful might-have-been manner, both
pretty and pleasant). Beth had easily transcended. Whatever was great
and desirable in woman was likely to wear a Beth Truba hall-mark for
his observation. Now, that was changed, not that Beth suffered eclipse,
nor that his admiration abated; indeed, his gratefulness for that word
of Beth's at just the proper moment, which had caused him gallantly to
take the road of Vina Nettleton, was a rare study; but another had
risen, not of Beth, but of more intimate meaning to the man, David
Cairns. Beth's great force of feminine energy and aspiration, he had
been unable to attract. Beth had demanded more than virtue from him,
and at a time when he was not finished enough to answer her many
restless dreams.
Cairns and Vina Nettleton had in reality just met, and at one of the
memorable crossings of eternity. To each, the other had just been
brought forth from a sumptuous shadow of nature. In the brighter light
they discerned each other. Cairns was first to see, for he had been
told, and he brought to the meeting all the fresh inspirations of his
maturity, and they rested upon the solid values earned through a life
of hard-held decency.
Among the May days there was one afternoon in which the conception of
summer was in the air. It was not the heat alone, but the stirring of
the year's tremendous energy everywhere, even under pavements. The
warmth of creation was kindly in old bones and old walls, and an
imperious quickening in the elastic veins of youth. Vina (half-way up a
step-ladder) turned about and sat down on one of the steps. Cairns had
asked her what plans she had for the summer.
"Oh, I shan't be a great way from New York. Maybe a trip or two over to
my beloved Nantucket."
This started her to thinking and presently to expatiating upon the
dearest place on earth to her mind…. She told him how the villagers
refused to have mail-service, as it threatened to destroy one of the
important social features of the day, that of going to the post office
for letters. Also he was informed that automobiles were forbidden in
Nantucket, and that a train started daily across the Island, a
nine-mile journey, and sometimes arrived. The conductor and engineer,
both old seamen, were much more interested in a change of weather, a
passing ship, or a school of fish, than in the immediate schedule or
right of way…. And Cairns was given another glimpse of the
enchantress that had been hidden so long in the workaday vesture of the
little artist, as she unfolded:
"To me, there's real peace and silence away out there in the sea. Every
thought is a picture…. You know the little gray shingle houses are
built very close together, and many are flush with the sidewalk. They
don't draw the shades at night, and everyone uses little muslin
curtains which conceal nothing. One of my favorite things to do is to
walk along Pleasant Street to Lily Lane, or through Vestal Street, just
about dusk, and see the darling interiors of the spotless cottages. Not
really to stop nor stare, just to go softly and slowly by…. One house
has little heads around the tea-table with father and mother; another
has company for supper; and the next—just old folks are left—but all
so radiant as they shine out through the old-fashioned window-panes….
To have one of those places for one's own! It has seemed the happiest
destiny for me, but only for the very fortunate and elect…. I wonder
if they ever know of the night-birds that flutter at the window-panes
to see the happiness within?"
Cairns might have taken this very lightly; even with a reservation that
she knew realities did not fit the ideal; that such realities were not
for the elect always;—but he chose to regard it instead, as an
expression of Vina's yearning, which she felt safe in disclosing for
the sake of the ingenious picture she made…. He looked about this
remarkable studio in the heart of New York, where a really great task
was being wrought to endure. Sometimes it seemed to him that the
spirits of the saints came to rest in this place, where the woman
worshipped them through her work…. And he knew she meant much that
she said; that to her, work was not enough of the breath of life….
She had not completed her picture; rather life had not completed it for
her.
Cairns confided in Bedient the Nantucket story, and an idea, occurred
to the latter that delighted him. It was one of the evenings when they
dined together at the Club…. Another day, Cairns inquired of Vina
what took her to Nantucket in summer, curious as to the material
arrangement.
"My own people used to go there summers when I was a little thing," she
told him, "and of late—there are many friends who ask me over."
"Say, Vina, when you get over to Nantucket, would you be terribly
disconcerted to discover some morning, down among the wharves there,
with a copy of Moby Dick, and a distressed look from deciding whether
breakfast should be of clam or cod chowder—me?"
"I should be glad of all things," she said with quiet eagerness. "There
are so many ways to pass the hours——"
"Besides walking in Lily Lane in the dusk?"
"Yes…. There's the ride over the open moors. It's like Scotland in
places, with no division or fences, and the sea away off in all
directions. Then, we must go to the lighthouse, one of the most
important of America, and the first to welcome the steamers coming in
from Europe. And the Haunted House on Moor's End, the Prince Gardens
and the wonderful old water-front—where I am to discover you—once so
rich and important in the world, now forgotten and sunken and deserted,
except for an old seasoned sea captain here and there, smoking about,
dreaming as you imagine, of the China trade or the lordly days of the
old sperm fishery, and looking wistfully out toward the last port….
Venice or Nantucket—I can hardly say which is more dream-like or
alluring, or sad with the goneness of its glory…. I'd love to show
you, because I know every stick and stone on the Island, and many of
its quaint people."
"And when do you think you will go?" he asked.
"I don't know, David,—not before the last of June. And I won't be able
to stay very long this year, because there is no place to work there. I
ought to have a little change and rest, but I can't afford to 'run
down' entirely—just enough to freshen the eye."
Cairns nodded seriously….
A day or two afterward he brought Bedient. To Vina he was like some
tremendous vibration in the room. Her mind was roused as if by some
great music…. It was in nothing that Bedient had said or looked, yet
only a little while after the two men had gone, Vina realized she had a
lover in David Cairns.
She was dismayed, filled with confusion and alarm, but this was the
foreground of mind. She had the sense of glad singing in the distances.
There was no sleep for hours this night, though of late, she had been
sleeping unusually well…. Why had the realization been so slow in
coming? An answer was ready enough: Because David was an old
acquaintance. But another thought came: For years, except in rare
reactionary hours, such as that afternoon in Beth's studio, she had put
away the thought of man as a mate…. For years, she had tried to
become a block instead of a battery; tried to give the full portion of
her life to the thing called work, and hated herself because she
couldn't. For years she had dreaded to go where men and women were,
because the rare sight of human happiness brought upon her a torrent of
dreams. The emptiness of her own life, together with the hatred of
self, because she could not be glad for the simple object lesson of a
man and woman happy in each other, made her miserable for hours. Late
years she had not cared if she looked tacky. "What does it matter," she
would ask, with a hateful glance into the glass, "when at best, I look
like a water-nymph with hay-fever?"… A long and hard fight, but she
had almost broken the habit of thinking what she might do with certain
prerogatives of women, which were not granted to her. A bitter fight,
and only she knew the hollowness of the honors her good work had
brought. It was not the hard work that had left her at the end of many
a long day—just a worn bundle of sparking nerve-ends.
And yet, this was the creature whom the new David Cairns had come to,
again and again and again. This mighty fact arose from the vortex of
confusion and alarm. "Ah, David," she thought, "is it not too late? Am
I not too old and weathered a world-campaigner?… I am old, David.
Older than my years. Older even than I look! I have warred so long,
that I think all peace and happiness from now on would kill me. Oh, you
don't want me. Surely you can't want me!"
But there were sad smilings upon the hundred hand-wrought faces in the
room. The Marys, the Magdalens, and the Marthas were a strangely
smiling Sisterhood…. "Child, you have been faithful in the little
things," came to her. "You have thought of us and wept with us and
loved us, and we have prevailed to bring you happiness."
And so the other side of the picture—Vina Nettleton's life
picture—now turned. The "Stations" were like panels of fairies, after
that. All the hidden shames and secrets of the years, the awful sense
of being unwanted at the hearth of the human family, were taken from
her, like the brittle and dusty packings from a glorious urn. Some
marvel of freshness sped through her veins. She was not as yesterday—a
little gray shade of an evil dream. Yesterday, and all the yesterdays,
she had modelled alone, poor creatures of clay, and now the world
suddenly called her to the academy of immortals….
Yes, he had come. He was brave and beloved…. She arose and knelt in
the dark before that panel of greatest meaning—the Gethsemane. And
long afterward, she stood by the open window. There were no stars, but
the tired city was cut in light. And faint sounds reached her from
below…. They were not Jews and Romans, but her own people, rushing to
and fro for the happiness she had found.
Bedient walked up the Avenue, carrying one of his small leather-bound
books to Beth. It was the day after the call of the Grey One there. He
had learned to give—which may be made an exquisite art—little things
that forbade refusal, but which were invested with cumulative values.
Thus he brought many of his rare books of the world to the studio. In
them she came upon his marginal milestones, and girdled them with her
own pencillings. So their inner silences were broken, and they entered
the concourse of the elect together.
The wonder of the woman rose and rose in his mind. His joy, apart from
her, was to give joy to others, and so he had moved about New York for
days and nights, reflecting her in countless ways. When he thought of
his money at all, it was to realize with curious amazement that there
was quite enough for anything he wished to do. Things to do were so
many in New York, that numberless times each day he sent a prayer of
thankfulness to Captain Carreras, always with a warm delight in the
memory. And he liked to think it was Beth's hand. She had told him of
her pilgrimages during holiday time to the infinite centres of
sorrow—and it became a kind of dream of his—the time when they would
go together, not holidays alone, but always. The great fortune slowly
became identified in his mind with the work he had to do; but
Equatoria, the base, amusingly enough, sank away into vaster
remoteness. There were moments in which Bedient almost believed there
was a little garden of his planting in the heart of the lustrous lady;
moments, even, when he thought it was extending broader and broader
upon an arable surface. Again, some bitterness from the world seemed to
blast the young growths—and the delicate fragrance was far-blown. It
was these reactions, and his sensitiveness to the beauty of the
romance, which put off from day to day the time for words.
Two or three days before, she had returned from a week-end in the
country, and more than ever her presence was an inspiration. She must
have been keeping holy vigils. There was animation in her hands, a note
of singing in her laughter—the dawn of June in her eyes, the fresh
loveliness of the country in her whole presence. She showed him that
Monday morning, how good it was to see him again—after forty-eight
hours. And he had gone about his work with renewed spirit—the silent
siege. The strength of youth was in his attentions, but the fineness of
maturity, as well. He cultured her heart as only a great lover could;
but being the lover, he was slow to see the blooms that answered.
Only of words, he would have none of them yet. Deeply he understood
that she had been terribly hurt—long ago or recently, he could not
tell. Could the story she had suggested of the Grey One's lover be
anything like her own?… Words—he was afraid. Words often break the
sensitive new-forming tissues over old wounds of the heart. His was a
life-work, to heal and expand her heart to hold the great happiness….
Beth felt herself giving away secrets, when Bedient looked at her early
this afternoon. He glanced as usual into her face—but then, a second
time. She followed his eyes an instant later to the place on the
mantel, where the small picture of the Other had rested for just one
day. He started to ask a question, but she took the little book, and
thanking him, held the talk to it.
Bedient grappled with an obstacle he could not master. In the silences
of that day, something different from anything he had met before,
closed in; a new order of atmosphere that altered the very tone and
color of things. It seemed not in the studio alone, but in the world.
Bedient fell into depths of thinking before it. A sudden turn for the
worst in a well-established convalescence, held something of the same
startling confrontation. There was no response to his willing it away.
It was fateful, encompassing.
Beth moved about the room, not ready at once to touch the picture. She
carried the little book in her hand…. Strong but mild winds were
blowing. Sudden gusts fell upon the skylight with the sound of spray,
and sparrows scurried across the glass, their clawed feet moving
swiftly about Mother Nature's business. The East ventilator shook, as
if grimly holding on.
"A day like this always touches my nerves," she said. "The wind seems
to bring a great loneliness out of the sea."
"It's pure land weather," he answered, "damp, warm, aimless winds. Now,
if there was a strong, steady and chill East wind——"
But she wouldn't discuss what that might do. "Loneliness," she
repeated. "What a common lot! One scarcely dares stop to think how
lonely one is…. How many people do you know, who are happily
companioned? I've known only six in my life, and two of those were
brother and sister. It's the dull, constant, ache at the human heart.
What's the reason, do you suppose?"
"The urge to completion——"
"I suppose it is, and almost never satisfied. I think I should train
children first and last for the stern trials of loneliness. It's almost
necessary to have resources within one's self——"
"But how wonderful when real companions catch a glimpse of each other
across some room of the world!" he said quietly.
"A tragedy more often than not," she finished. "One of them so often
has built his house, and must abide. Real companions never build their
house upon the ruins of another."
"That has a sound ring."
"What is the reason for this everywhere, this forever loneliness?" she
demanded, without lifting her eyes from the work.
"Something must drive," he replied. "You call it loneliness this
morning. It's as good as any. Great things come from yearning. People
of the crowd choose each other at random, under the pressure of
passionate loneliness. Greater human hearts vision their One. Once in a
while the One appears and answers the need—and then there is
happiness. There is nothing quite so important as the happiness in each
other of two great human hearts. Don't you see, it can exist hardly a
moment, until it is adjusted to all time—until its relation to
eternity is firmly established? When that comes, the world has another
beautiful centre of pure energy to look at and admire and aspire to.
And the spirit of such a union never dies, but goes on augmenting until
it becomes a great river in the world.
"It is very clear to me," he went on, trying to fight the shadows,
"that something like this must happen before great world-forces come
into being. First, the two happy ones learn that love is giving. Their
love goes on and on into a bigger thing than love for each other, and
becomes love for the race. That's the greater glory. Avatars have that.
The children of real lovers have such a chance for that vaster spirit!
Indeed, you can almost always trace a great man's lineage back to some
lustrous point of this kind."
Beth regarded him deeply for a moment. She could not adjust him to
commonness. She was suffering. Bedient saw only the mystic light of
that suffering. He had never loved her as at this moment.
"I always wish I could paint you, as you look when you are thinking
about such things!" she said. "Just as you looked when you spoke about
two people who have illumined each other, so that they turn their great
anguish of loving upon the race…. Yes, I see it: prophets might
indeed come from that kind of love."
Beth worked with uncommon energy for many minutes.
All-forgetting—time, place, tension and the man near. Her spirit was
strangely sustained under his eyes. The work flew, and left little
traces of its processes in her mind—her concentration was deeper than
memory.
* * * * *
"I'd like to ride with you," he said, rising to leave.
Beth had often spoken of her saddle-horse, which of late had been kept
at her mother's country place. Bedient rented a very good mount in New
York, but Beth remarked that her own had spoiled her for all others,
adding that he would say so, too, if he could see Clarendon, the famous
black she rode.
"I can't afford to keep him in the city long at a time," she explained.
"Oh, it's not what he costs, but he's a devourer of daylight…. It
breaks up half a day to get to the stables and change and all, and I
haven't tried to ride after dark. We poor paint creatures are so
dependent upon light for our work…. And yet riding adds to good
health—just the right sparkle in my case."
"And that's royalty," Bedient declared.
Beth was thinking. He had spoken of riding with her before. He had been
singularly appealing this day. Trouble had filled his eyes at the first
sight of her, and she had felt his struggle with it…. Her mother had
asked to see him, but there wasn't a good mate for Clarendon in or
about Dunstan, where her home was…. She was so worn, mind and nerve
and spirit, that the thought of a long ride lured strongly. She knew he
would be different. Perhaps he might show, beyond the shadow of a
doubt, that he was not identified with commonness…. He might bring
the talk to the point of—Beth thrilled at this. She was far from
ready, and yet with him before her, Wordling and the sea were remote
and soundless.
"Could you get the good mare you ride—across to Jersey?"
"Yes," he said eagerly. "I could send a man over with her—a day
ahead."
This was Thursday.
"I'll ride with you Saturday," she said finally. "You get your horse
over to Dunstan Friday—to-morrow—and we'll start from here early
Saturday morning. A day in the hills—and supper at night in my real
home!"
She had never seen him so pleased, but Beth was a little startled at
herself when she considered yesterday…. He was always so different
when he came, from the creation of her mind when alone, and the doubts
flew in and out. Then the little sacred book he had brought—so
powerfully fathomed and marked—it was like bringing his youth to her,
with all its thoughts and wanderings. He was particularly attractive to
her in these little things, and she missed not a phase of such
impulses. He delighted to see them in her house, he said, and she
knew they had been his riches in the years of loneliness and
wandering…. Far back in her faculties, however, the battle was
furious and constant. Every faltering advance of faith was met and
assailed.
"I thank you," he said. "In fact, I can't thank you…. What a day it
will be for me to live over…. There's a little thing that needs
doing. It will take me away for three or four days next week."
Beth almost laughed. She caught the laugh of mockery in time. The ride
just arranged seized and held her attention, like some baleful
creature. There was abomination about it, to her thoughts—the ease
with which he had managed, her abject softness…. She was trembling
within, all her resistance settling, straining, like a tree before the
final stroke of the axe. Her hands trembled crazily and were cold….
She had given her word; yes, they would ride together. She could not
evade his eyes, his question, if she refused now…. He must not see
that she was whipped…. But she would not see him after that. He could
not come back to her from the Wordling arms. She would not see him
to-morrow. But the picture——
She had turned from the easel to her desk, and was fumbling with papers
there, her back turned to him. A half minute had passed since his last
word… One word came from her:
"Yes?"
She had meant it to sound as if spoken absently, as if she were
preoccupied in search for a certain paper. Instead it was an eldritch
note in the room, like the croak of an evil bird… He was standing
near the outer door. Something of her tumult must have come to him, she
thought, for his voice was strangely altered when he asked:
"Will three or four days make any difference about the picture?"
… She would not see him again. He could not come back here to-morrow
nor afterward. He must go away now… She thought of her wail to the
Grey One that he would not go to the ocean with Wordling… It meant
nothing to him; she could not punish him by keeping him away… But
the picture—that final inner lustre. It had come to her this
morning—what havoc in the memory—and she had seen it that day in the
great gallery before his Race Mother, but had been unable quite to
hold it in mind until the working light of the following day… She
must not add to her own punishment, after all her care and labor, by
failing in the last touch. And yet he must not come again…
"The picture, did you say?"
He repeated his question.
"Why, the picture is practically done," she said. "I'll sign and
deliver it to-morrow. I think it will get to you to-morrow. The long,
ridiculously long, preliminary work gave me the modelling, as well as I
could have it…. This weather makes one think of the ocean or the
mountains——"
She had forgotten this gray day of winds. Her sentence, and the design
of it, had been founded upon the recent run of superb spring days.
"There's a little thing that needs doing by the ocean—that's why I
go." His words seemed to come from a distance.
"It would not do for you to look at the picture here. You'd feel
expected to say something pretty—or most would. I want it out of its
work-light, then you can judge and send it back if it's bad. I'll try
to have it at the Club to-morrow…. You did not know this was the
final sitting, did you?"
She was talking feverishly, in fear of his questions. She knew it must
sound strange and unreasonable to his mind.
"No," he said gently. "You always surprise me. And the ride—Saturday?"
"Yes, the ride…. We must start——"
"Early?"
"Yes. We'll meet—at the Thirty-fourth Street boat—at seven."
"I thank you. And good-by."
There was something amazing to her in his capacity not to question. In
her weakness she was grateful almost to tears. She would not show him
her hurt, but crossed the room hastily, and extended her hand with a
brave smile…. Listening, she heard him descend the stairs…. Then
from the front window, she saw him reach the street, turn to the Avenue
and mingle with men.
It was not like yesterday in the little room. That agony had worn her
too much for another such crisis…. The thought fascinated, that there
must be some hidden meaning to the queer promise she had been impelled
to make—to ride with him Saturday…. The parting, his instant
comprehension of some mood of hers, in which words had no place; his
sad smile, and the look of gratitude when she came forward; his seeming
content with all her decisions; his inability to question or ask
favors—all these retained a remarkable hold upon her imagination. And
even though, to her eyes, he stood as one fallen, there was poise in
his presence…. Something about him brought back her dreams, whether
or no, with all their ecstasy and dread. Already she was thinking of
him—as one gone; and yet the studio seemed mystic with his comings and
goings and gifts…. It came to her how her lips had quivered under his
eyes, as she went forward to say good-by…. It was not three or four
days, but "good-by," indeed.
* * * * *
Though she would have put the black mark of misery upon it, this was
one of the greatest of Beth Truba's days. She had come into the world
with a great faith to bestow—and some dreadful punishment, it seemed,
made her bear it alone. It had long ached within to be given. It shamed
her that she could not. With all her intellect, all her world-habit of
mind, she believed that Andrew Bedient had fallen greatly—greatly,
because he had shown himself so clean and wise. She granted to herself
nothing but a thrilling admiration for him in his higher moments, but
still she was associated with this fall, because she had permitted him
to come to her, almost at will. And she had not been enough for
him—what poison in that thought!
Yet, the unseen Shadowy Sister endeavored to restore her faith again
and again, and garland the Wanderer with it….
Every instant of passing daylight harried her with the thought of the
work yet to do. It might prove much—and to-morrow—the thought came
with heaviness and darkening—the portrait must go to him. And the day
after—he would go…. She dreaded to look at the picture now. Many
touches of love, she had put upon it. Her highest thinking it had
called, as his words had done. It had even stimulated her to an old
dream of really great work. Beth Truba had long put that away.
The rapt look in his eyes; the rapt smile upon his lips when he spoke
of his great theme; just to paint that, would be greatness. Just to put
it once upon the canvas, that would be enough. It would show that she
had seen more than man—deeper than flesh. One song, one picture, one
book, is enough for any artist. She had always said that….
These thoughts stilled and softened her spirit—held her moveless in
the centre of the room; but again the world returned, with all its play
upon her finished intelligence…. He had not found her sufficient to
restrain him from this ocean episode; and pride uprose—a vindictive
burning that scorched full-length.
"He is very brave and evolved," she whispered bitterly, "but the man
within him was not to be denied…. Wordling has that…. God, it seems
as if there is nothing of that—in red-haired Beth Truba!… No, he
must run off to the ocean, quite as if he had been a poor, impatient
boy, like the Other!"
Her face crimsoned. The shame and agony of the thought brought her to
her knees before the picture she had painted.
"And perhaps it is my fault," she whispered desperately. "Perhaps I
have asked too much, and waited too long. Perhaps they see—what I do
not—and women lie—and I only think I feel! Perhaps I am weathered
and inflexible, and hard and old and cold, and they know, and become
afraid!"
But there was stern denial in the face before her—reproach in the eyes
she had made of paint…. In her terror before these thoughts, which
struck home in the hour of her weakness, the art of the thing suddenly
prevailed—good work, the valiant rescuer…. She remembered how her
presence had aroused the giant in the Other. Her spell had done that.
She had felt the crush of his arms, and queer fires had laughed across
her brain. Then she fell again with the thought, that even that had not
sufficed. Her pride had sent him away even after that—his laugh, his
Greek beauty, his passion and all…. And now it came to her with
fierce reality, that should the Other ever return, it would only make
these later hours and later memories burn the deeper…. A temptation
came to hold Bedient—as a woman could—to keep him from going to
another woman, but her eyes fell with swift shame from the picture.
"I have not made you common—how can I be common with you?" she cried.
"Oh, why could you not always remember your best, you, who have helped
others so?"
The light, though gray, was still strong. Fixed upon the canvas, as she
had never seen it before, was a revelation of one of those high moments
which had exalted Vina Nettleton, and changed David Cairns in the whole
order of his being. She almost listened for him to speak of the natural
greatness of women.
"But you are forgetting those higher moments," she whispered. "That's
the way with men and boys—to forget—to run away for the little things
beside the ocean——"
But the face denied; the face was of purity. It regarded her steadily
in her long watching—a fixture of poise, happiness assured…. Then
the need of haste and work, left deep in her mind, arose to the surface
with a strong and sudden urging—the delivery to-morrow. Her heart, her
flesh, her soul, all were at war and weary unto death. It was hideous
to attempt to touch it again that day; yet to-morrow an evil light …
and now came the full realization of a remarkable fact.
The final inner lustre was there. The thing she had long been afraid to
do, save in the exact perfect moment, was done. That Something of his
was before her, its lifting valor not to be denied….
It was just before he had asked her to ride, she recalled now. An elate
concentration had held her while she painted. She had not spoken; she
had hardly known the world about her. It had been too big to leave a
memory…. It was done. It pleaded for him. It was like the Shadowy
Sister pleading for him. Swiftly, she signed the work. It was his.
That was hard.
…In the veil of dusk she was still kneeling, her face ghastly with
waiting…. And not until pride intervened again, and prevailed upon
her to see him no more, after the last ride together, did she find some
old friendly tears, almost as remote from the days she now lived, as
Florentine springtimes of student memory.
Bedient arose at four on Saturday morning and looked out of his high
window. June had come. The smell of rain was not in the air. He was
grateful and drew up a chair, facing the East. The old mystery of
morning unfolded over sea, and there was no blemish…. Bedient had not
slept, nor during the two preceding nights. While the abundance of his
strength was not abated, deep grooves (that came to abrupt blind
endings) were worn in his mind from certain thoughts, and he was
conscious of his body, which may be the beginning of weariness;
conscious, too, of a tendency of his faculties to mark time over little
things.
Yesterday the picture had come. He had hoped hard against this. Its
coming had brought to him a sense of separateness from the studio, that
he tried not to dwell upon in mind, but which recurred persistently….
He could not judge a portrait of himself; yet he knew this was
wonderful. Beth had caught him in an animate moment, and fixed him
there. Her fine ideal had put on permanence…. "Hold fast to a
soul-ideal of your friend," he remembered telling her once, "and you
help him to build himself true to it. If your ideal is rudely broken,
you become one of the disintegrating forces at work upon him."
He keenly felt the disorder in his relation to Beth. The thought that
held together, against all others, was that Beth loved some one, just
now out of her world. He wished she could see into his mind about this;
instantly, he would have helped her; his dearest labor, to restore her
happiness.
He had never been confident of winning. He loved far too well, and held
Beth too high, ever to become familiar in his thoughts of her as a life
companion. Power lived in her presence for him; great struggles and
conquerings. He loved every year she had lived; every hour of life that
had brought her to this supremacy of womanhood before which he bowed,
was precious to him. In this instance he was myopic. He did not see
Beth Truba as other women, and failed to realize this. His penetration
faltered before her, for she lived and moved in the brilliant light of
his love, blended with it, so that her figure, and her frailties, lost
all sharpness of contour.
He had suffered in the past three days and nights. He was proud and
glad to suffer. There was no service nor suffering that he would have
hesitated to accept for Beth Truba…. This day amazed him in prospect,
one of her beautiful gifts to him. It was almost as if she had come to
his house, lovely, unafraid, and sat laughing before his fire. One of
the loftiest emotions, this sense of companionship with her. There was
something of distinct loveliness in every hour they had passed
together. Not one of their fragrances had he lost. These memories often
held him, like mysterious gardens.
…Bedient paced the big area in front of the ferry entrance long
before seven. He saw her the instant she stepped from the cross-town
car. The day was momentarily brightening, yet something of the early
morning red was about her. His throat tightened at sight of her radiant
swiftness. Her eyes were deeper, her lips more than ever red…. On the
deck of the ferry, before the start, she said:
"I feel as if we were escaping from somewhere, and could not tolerate a
moment's delay."
…At ten o'clock they were in the saddle, and Dunstan was far behind.
The morning, as perfect as ever arose in Northern summer; the azure
glorified with golden light, and off to the South, a few shining
counterpanes of cloud lay still. The half had not been told about
Beth's Clarendon, a huge rounded black, with a head slightly Roman, and
every movement a pose. He was skimp of mane and tail; such fine grain
does not run to hair. While there was sanity and breeding in his steady
black eye, every look and motion suggested "too much horse" for a
woman. Yet Beth handled him superbly, and from a side-saddle. Clarendon
had in his temper, that gift of show aristocrats—excess of life, not
at all to be confused with wickedness—which finds in plain outdoors
and decent going, plentiful stimulus for top endeavor and hot
excitement.
"I've had him long," Beth said, "and though he has sprung from a walk
to a trot countless times without a word from me, he has yet to slow
down of his own accord. He can do his twelve miles an hour, and turn
around and do it back…. You see how he handles—for me."
She delighted in his show qualities, rarely combined with such
excellent substance. She showed his gaits, but rode a trot by
preference. Bedient, who had a good mare, laughed joyously when his
mount was forced into a run to keep abreast. Clarendon, without the
slightest show of strain, had settled to his trot…. All Bedient's
thinking and imaging during the years alone, of the woman he should
some time find, had never brought him anything so thrilling as this
slightly flushed profile of Beth's now. What an anchorage of reality
she was, after years of dream-stuff—a crown of discoveries, no
less—and what an honor, her gift of companionship! He felt an
expansion of power, and strength to count this day great with
compensation, should the future know only the interminable dull aching
of absence and distance.
Bedient had started to speak of the picture, but she bade him wait….
As they rode along a country road, they came to an old ruin of a
farm-house, surrounded by huge barns, some new, and all in good repair.
A little beyond was a calf tied to a post. It was lying down, its legs
still being largely experimental—a pitifully new calf, shapeless and
forlorn.
The mother was nowhere around. Sick in some far meadow, perhaps, sick
of making milk for men.
"That's a veal calf," Beth said.
The note in her voice called his eyes. Something which the sight
suggested was hateful to her. Bedient dismounted and led his chestnut
mare up to the little thing, which stared, tranced in hope and fear.
The mare dropped her muzzle benignantly. She understood and became
self-conscious and uncomfortable. One of a group of children near the
farmhouse behind them called:
"Show off! Show off!"
"They sell its rightful food," Beth said, "and feed the poor little
thing on cheaper stuff until it hardens for the butcher. Men are so big
with their business."
"There are veal calves tied to so many posts on the world's highway,"
Bedient said slowly.
"When I was younger," Beth went on, "and used to read about the men who
had done great creative things, I often found that they had to keep
away from men and crowds, lest they perish from much pitying, dissipate
their forces in wide, aimless outpourings of pity, which men and the
systems of men called from them. Then—this was long ago—I used to
think this a silly affectation, but I have come to understand."
"Of course, you would come to understand," Bedient said.
"Men who do great things are much alone," she continued. "They become
sensitive to sights and sounds and odors—they are so alive, even
physically. The downtown man puts on an armor. He must, or could not
stay. The world seethes with agony—for him who can see."
"That is what made the sacrifice of the Christ," Bedient declared.
"Every day—he died from the sights on the world's highway——"
They looked back.
"It was not the Cross and the Spear, but the haggard agony of His Face
that night on Gethsemane that brings to me the realization of the
greatness of His suffering," he added.
"And the disciples were too sleepy to watch and pray with him——"
"How gladly would the women have answered His need for human
companionship that night!" he exclaimed. "But it was not so ordained.
It was His hour alone, the most pregnant hour in the world's history."
They reached the crest of a fine hill at noon, and dismounted in the
shade of three big elms. They could see small towns in the valley
distances, and the profile of hilltop groves against the sky. The
slopes of the hill wore the fresh green of June pasture lands; and
three colts trotted up to the fence, nickering as they came…. Beth
was staring away Westward through the glorious light. Bedient came
close to her; she felt his eyes upon her face, turned and looked
steadily into them. She was the first to look down. Beth had never seen
his eyes in such strong light, nor such power of control, such
serenity, such a look of inflexible integrity…. She did not like that
control. It was not designed in the least to take away the hate and
burning which for three days had warred against the best resistance of
her mind.
That cool lofty gaze was her portion. Another—on the shore—ignited
the fires. A devil within—for days and nights—had goaded her: "Yes,
Beth Truba, red haired and all that, but old and cold, just the same,
and strange to men."
"I've wanted this day," he said. "It was some need deeper than impulse.
I wanted it just this way: A hill like this, shade of great trees that
whispered, distant towns and woods, horses neighing to ours. Something
more ancient and authoritative than the thing we call Memory, demanded
it this way. Why, I believe we have stood together before."
Beth smiled, for the goading devil had just whispered to her, "You were
a vestal virgin doubtless—oh, severely chaste!"… She said, "You
believe then we have come up through 'a cycle of Cathay'?"
"If I had heard your name, just your name, over there in India," he
replied thoughtfully, "it would have had some deep meaning for me."
"The 'cycle of Cathay' wasn't enough to cure you?"
He turned quickly, but didn't smile. "I think there was always some
distance between us, that we were never equal, a difference like that
between Clarendon and the chestnut. Only you were always above me, and
it was the better, the right way. Beth——"
She looked up.
"Is there any reason why I shouldn't tell you how great you are to
me—just that—asking nothing?"
"We are both grown-ups," she answered readily. "You won't mind if I
find it rather hard to believe—I mean, my greatness. You like my
riding and the portrait——"
"I can judge your riding. As for the picture, it is an inspiration,
though I cannot judge that so well. But it is not those——"
"And what then, pray?"
"Beth Truba."
"A tired old artist whom nobody knows—really."
"I wish you wouldn't say that," he declared earnestly. "There is
nothing alive this moment, nothing in the great sun's light, that has
put on such a glory of maturity. Why, you are concentrated sunlight—to
me!"
"That's very pretty," she said, and turned a glance into his eyes….
The same cool deeps were there, though his face held a singular
happiness. She wondered if it were because she had not forbade him to
speak. Did he think she was ready, and that her heart was free?
There was no one on the sloping hill-road, either to the right or left,
and only the colts in the meadows. A good free thing—this elimination
of human beings—though at this height, they stood in the very eye of
the country-side. The chestnut mare was cropping the young grass by the
edge of the highway, but there were matters for Clarendon to
understand—far distances and movements not for human eyes. The colts
racing up and down the hill-fence were beneath his notice. The great
arched neck was lifted for far gazing and listening, and that which
came to his foreign senses, caused him to snort softly from time to
time….
Beth rode without hat. Her arms were bare to the elbows; her gray silk
waist open at the throat. She stretched out her arms, and the sunlight,
cut by the high elm boughs, fell upon her like a robe, woven of
shimmerings. She seemed to want her full portion of vitality from the
great upbuilding day.
"It's strong medicine—this high noon of June," she said. "One feels
like unfolding as flowers do."
And then came over him—over all his senses—something flower-like in
scent, yet having to do with no particular flower. It dilated his
nostrils, but more than that, all his senses awoke to the strange charm
of it…. The distance between them was gone that instant. Though it
may have endured for ages and ages, it was gone. He had overtaken
her…. A haunting influence; and yet of magic authority! Was it the
perfume of the lotos and the bees? It was more than that. It was the
sublimate of all his bewitchings—chaste mountains, dawns, the morning
glow upon great heights, the flock of flying swans red with daybreak;
more still, all the petals of the Adelaide passion restored in one drop
of fragrance, and lifted, a different fragrance, the essence of a
miracle! This was the perfume that came from her life, from her arms
and throat and red mouth….
It was new out of the years. All his strangely guarded strength arose
suddenly animate. A forgotten self had come back to him, all fresh and
princely out of long enchantment…. And there she stood with face
averted awaiting this Return!… This was the mysterious prince who had
wrought in darkness so long, the source of his dreams of woman's
greatness, the energy that had driven and held him true to his ideals,
the structure into which his spiritual life had been builded (was this
the world's mighty illusion possessing him?), and now the prince had
come, asking for his own…. And she was there, stretching out her
arms.
Mighty forces awoke from sleep. They were not of his mind, but deep
resolutions of all his life, forces of her own inspiring which she must
gladly, gloriously obey. Was it not her love token, this electric
power, as truly as his mind's ardor and his spiritual reverence?… The
miracle of her life's fragrance held him…. Even desire was beautiful
in a love like this. All nature trembles for the issue, when love such
as his perceives the ripe red fruit of a woman's lips…. But better
far not to know it at all, than to know the half.
* * * * *
And Beth was thinking of the cool depths in his eyes a moment before,
and of his words, "asking nothing."… "Why asks he nothing of me?…
Because I am old and cold."… Some terrific magnetism filled her
suddenly, as if she had drawn vitality from great spaces of sunlight,
and some flaming thing from the huge hot strength of Clarendon…. And
now the goading devil whispered:
"With another he would not ask, he would take! Only you—you do not
attract great passions. The source of such attraction is gone from you.
Mental interests and spiritual ideals are your sphere!… Second-rate
women whistle and the giants come! They know the lovers in men. You
know the sedate mental gardeners and the tepid priests. How you worship
that still, cool gazing in the eyes of men! Books and pictures are
quite enough—for your adventures in passion. In them, you meet your
great lovers—of other women. You are Beth Truba of street and studio.
You can send lovers away. You can make them afraid of your tongue,
strip them of all ardor with your nineteenth century bigotry…. You
have so many years to waste. Empty arms are so light and cool, their
veins are never scorched; they never dry with age!… Oh, red-haired
Beth Truba, all the spaces of sky are laughing at you! To-morrow or
next day, by the ocean, another woman will start the flames in those
cool eyes of his, and feel them singing around her!… Why do you let
him go? Only a nineteenth century mind with the ideas of a slave woman
would let him go!… Keep him with you. Show your power. Create the
giant. By no means is that the least of woman's work!"
She shuddered at such a descent.
"Would you go back and be the waiting spider forever in the
yellow-brown studio, breaking your heart in the little room when some
woman chooses to bring you news of men and the world? You would not
descend to woman's purest prerogative?… Greater women than you shall
come, and they shall avail themselves of that, and their children shall
be great in the land…."
"Oh, what a world, and what a fool!" Beth said aloud.
"Why?"
She turned at his quick, imperious tone.
"I don't—I don't know. It just came!"
Beth bit her lip, and shut her eyes. There was a booming in her brain,
as from cataracts and rapids. His face had made her suddenly weak, but
there was something glorious in being carried along in this wild
current. She had battled so long. She was no longer herself, but part
of him. The face she had seen was white; the eyes dark and piercing,
terrible in their concentration of power, but not terrible to her. All
the magic from the sunlight had come to them. They were the eyes which
command brute matter…. The Other had become a giant; this man a god.
"What a day!" she whispered.
"Let's ride on!" he said swiftly.
The horses whirled about at his word. As his hand touched hers, she
felt the thrill of it, in her limbs and scalp. He lifted her to the
saddle. There was something invincible in his arms. The strength he
used was nothing compared to that which was reserved….
She seemed the plaything of some furious, reckless happiness….
"Asking nothing! Asking nothing!" repeated again and again in her
brain. And what should he ask—and why?… Her thoughts flew by and
upward—intent, but swift to vanish, like bees in high noon. Atoms of
concentrated sunlight, sun-gold upon their wings…. The good hot sun,
all the earth stretched out for it, and giving forth green tributes.
The newest leaf and the oldest tree alike expanded with praise…. What
a splendor to be out of the city and the paint and the tragedy; to have
in her veins the warm brown earth and the good hot sun—and this mighty
dynamo beneath! She was mad with it all, and glad it was so.
Beth raised her eyes to the dazzling vault. One cannot sit a horse
so—well. She lost the rhythm of her posting, but loved the roughness
of it. The heights thralled her. Up, up, into the blue and gold, she
trembled with the ecstasy of the thought, like the bee princess in
nuptial flight—a June day like this—up, up, until the followers had
fallen back—all but two—all but one—which one?… There was a slight
pull at her skirt. She turned.
He was laughing. His hand held a fold of her dress against the cantle
of the saddle. She could not have fallen on the far side, and he was on
this…. A sudden plunge of a mount would unseat any rider, staring
straight up…. Yes, he was there!… How different the world
looked—with him there. She had ridden alone so long. She dared to look
at him again.
His eyes were fastened ahead. Could it be illusion—their fiery
intentness? She followed his glance…. The big woods—she knew them,
had ridden by them many times—how deep and green they looked!… But
what was the meaning of that set, inexorable line of his profile? What
was he battling? That was her word, her portion. For hours, days, years
she had been battling, but not now! No longer would she be one of the
veal calves tied to a post on the world's highway, to consume the pity
of poor avatars!… Avatars—the word changed the whole order of her
thoughts; and those which came were not like hers, but reckless
ventures on forbidden ground; and, too, there was zest in the very
foreignness of the thoughts: Avatars—did they not spring into being
from such instants as this—high noon, vitality rising to the sun, all
earth in the stillness of creation; and above, blue and gold, millions
and millions of leagues of sheer happiness; and behind—put far behind
for the hour—all crawling and contending creatures….
And now the yellow-brown studio would not remain behind, but swept
clearly into her thinking. Something was queer about it. Yes, the havoc
of loneliness and suffering was gone…. And there seemed a rustling in
the far shadows of the little room. Could it be the Shadowy Sister
returning? And that instant, with a realism that haunted her for years,
there came—to her human or psychic sense, she could never tell—a
tiny cry!… Beth almost swooned. His hand sustained … and then she
saw again his laughing face; all the intensity gone. It was carved of
sunlight. Everything was sunlight.
Beth spoke to Clarendon. She would ride—show him, she needed no hand
in riding. The great beast settled down to his famous trot, pulling the
chestnut mare to a run. Clarendon was steady as a car; the faster his
trot, the easier to ride…. She turned and watched this magician
beside her; his bridle-arm lifted, the leather held lightly as a
pencil; laughing, asking nothing, needing not to ask. And she was
unafraid, rejoicing in his power. All fear and slavishness and
rebellion, all that was bleak and nineteenth century, far behind. This
was the Rousing Modern Hour—her high day.
Nearer and nearer—the big woods…. She was thinking of a wonderful
little path ahead. She had never ventured in alone, a deep, leafy
footpath, soft with moss and fern-embroidered…. There was no one on
the road ahead, nor behind; only young corn in the sloping field on the
left, and now the big woods closed in on the right, and Beth reined a
little.
There was no shade upon the highway, even with the wood at hand. The
horses were trampling their own shadows in this zenith hour…. She
watched his eye quicken as he noted the little path.
"Ah—let's go in!" he called, pulling up.
It was her thought. "I've always wanted to, but never dared, alone,"
she panted, bringing Clarendon down.
Bedient dismounted, pulled the reins over the mare's head and through
his arm; then held up both hands to her…. Something made her hesitate
a second. He did not seem to consider her faltering.
"Oh, Beth, why should we rush in there, as if we were afraid of the
light?… Come!"
She knew by his eyes what would happen; and yet she leaned forward,
until his hands fitted under her arms, and her eyelids dropped against
the blinding light….
"It had to be in the great sunlight—that!…. How glorious you are!"
"Please … put me down!"
But again, he kissed her mouth, and the shut eyelids. And when her feet
at last touched the earth, he caught her up again, because her figure
swayed a little,—and laughed and kissed her—until the fainting
passed….
* * * * *
"… And—these—were—the—great—things—you asked permission to tell
me?" she said slowly, without raising her eyes.
The strange smile on her scarlet lips, and the lustrous pallor of her
face, so wonderfully prevailed, that he caught her in his arms again.
And they were quite alone in that mighty light, as if they had
penetrated dragons-deep in an enchanted forest.
"I cannot help it. You are stronger!" she said in the same trailing,
faery tone…. "And that distance—between us—that you always felt—in
'the cycle of Cathay'—you seem to have overcome that——"
"It was another century——"
"Oh——"
"And now to explore the wood!"
"But the horses, sir—"
"They will stand."
… She would not let him help, but loosened Clarendon's bridle, and
slipping out the bit, put the head-straps back. Bedient shook his head.
"It may slide askew that way, and worry him more than if the bit were
in," he said.
"If you command, I shall put it back."
"Let me."
"No."
Smiling, he watched her. The frail left hand parted the huge foamy
jaws, and held them apart—thumb and little finger—while the other
hand, behind Clarendon's ears, drew the bit home. The big fellow
decently bowed his head to take the steel from her. Then she patted the
mouse-colored muzzle, and gave the reins to the man, who, much
marvelling, tethered the two horses together.
Then they set forth into the wood.
They were nearing Dunstan on the way back. The light had flattened out,
and the little town was stretching its shadows. They were silent….
Beth was trying to fit this day to days that had gone, but it was hard.
This had a brightness apart from them, but it seemed to her now that
the brightness was gone with the sun. She was tired—and alone. The
thoughts in her mind had brought the sense of separateness.
She must soon know from him, if the day had served her end. She thought
of her temptation in the studio—to hold him from the ocean, as a woman
might, as a Wordling might. She had not needed quite to do that, merely
to let herself go. The glorious lover in him had done more than she
dreamed, in making her Beth of the bestowals, this day.
In the sunlight, she had been one with him. Rather startlingly it came
to her now, that she could have asked anything then. But in those
incomparable moments of the high day, there had been nothing to ask.
How strange this was to her! How utterly had they put all commonness
behind.
She trembled at the thought of another woman rousing that lover in him,
looking upon the miracle she had evoked. She could not bear it, nor
could she suffer him to know this thought of hers.
They were riding down into the town. Brightenings from the West were
still upon the upper foliage of the trees, but vague dusk had fallen
between their faces. His features were white and haggard…. She was
afraid to ask him now. She would wait for the darkness. Had he heard a
tremble in her voice, Bedient would have caught her bridle-rein and
searched her face.
She clucked. Clarendon, with stables just ahead, was only too eager….
Bedient rejoined her after turning over his horse, and making the
change of clothes. Beth met him at the gate of her mother's house and
there was a smile in the evening light.
They did not sit opposite at supper. Bedient studied the little mother
at the head of the table, but with a fear in his heart. A sense of
disaster had come to him at the end of the ride. He knew nothing of
what had formed about the short sea journey in Beth's mind; he could
not have believed from her own lips that she had been tempted to hold
him with passion. He would have expected faith from her, had some
destroying tale come to her ears. He did not realize the effect upon
others, of his aptness to ignore all explanation. Especially in this
seagoing affair, he had nothing to say. It was not his way to discuss
his adventures into the happiness of others…. Beth felt his reserve
instinctively, a reason why it had been impossible for her to show him
the document of disorder.
The talk at the supper table had to do with the portrait she had
painted. Beth never forgot some of Bedient's sentences…. Then she
told him about the new life of the Grey One; of the latter's call on
Wednesday, with the great news about Torvin, and of the telephone
message yesterday.
"More buyers have been to her studio," Beth said. "You see, Torvin can
do anything. A whisper from him and they buy. The Grey One has disposed
of several of her little things at her vogue prices——"
"I'm glad," said Bedient.
"It came in the nick of time. It means more than money or pictures.
Margie Grey has won her race."
"I understand," he added.
After supper, they walked together outside. With her whole heart Beth
prayed that the day had changed him from going. She had put off until
the last moment any talk that would bring his answer. And now walking
with him in the darkness, she thought strangely of her parting with the
Other. All was forgotten save that moment of parting; all the old
intimacies had dropped from mind, banished by the sunlit god she had
met this day…. Bedient's defect would be quite as intrinsic as the
Other's—if he went to Wordling now. She could have forgiven a boyish
carelessness in either, but Beth could not forgive in any man that
unfinished humanity which has a love-token for the obviously common and
sensuous…. She was ill with terror and tension. And how pitifully
human she was! A greater faith or a lesser strength would have saved
her. Beth failed in the first. It was her madness; her mortal
enemy—this pride.
"I doubt if there could be such another day of June," she observed at
last, wondering if he caught the hard note in her voice…. This would
bring his word. She would cry aloud with happiness—if the day had
changed him.
"To-morrow——" he answered. "Beth, is there anything to prevent
to-morrow——?"
"Riding together?"
"Yes."
"Not to-morrow. The horses had better rest a day. We must have done
twenty-five miles to-day…. But early next week——"
She had turned away, as one averts the face from disaster. Even had she
not turned from him, it was too dark to see his queer troubled smile,
as he said:
"Monday, I go away. It's that ocean matter. Three days will finish it,
I'm sure."
So this was her answer. Beth of the bestowals had not prevailed. This
was the inner uprooting. Love-lady she had been—love-lady of thrilling
arts this day—and yet his determination to go to the other was not
altered…. She would not show him tears of rage and jealousy. She
would not see him again. She meant to show him that the day had not
stormed her heart of hearts. Her spirit was torn, and she was not above
hurting him…. "Three days will finish it, I'm sure." To her the
sentence had the clang of a prison door…. It was through the Other
that she proceeded now…. How he had struck her through another!….
They had walked for some time through the evergreens. His listening had
become like a furious draught, her brain burning intensely beneath it.
It had been hard for her to begin, but that was over…. "It was not
until to-day that there was any need to tell you," she was saying. "You
were inspiring in other ways. I would have been stupid, indeed, not to
have seen that, but somehow you seemed remote from everyday habiliments
and workday New York—somehow inseparable from silences—until
to-day—when you came singing Invictus. You did not let me tell
you—out there—in the sunlight. You didn't let me think of telling
you…. You mustn't judge me always so susceptible——"
She halted, lost for an instant in the emptiness.
"Please tell me about him," Bedient said.
"Why, he was only a working boy when he first came to our house—here,"
she went on. "I was just back from Paris—after years. I remember with
what a shock of surprise I noted the perfection of his face. The angle
was absolutely correct as the old Hellenic marbles, and to every curve
was that final warmth which stone can only distantly suggest. Then he
was tall, but so light and lithe——"
She knew he would not fail to see the flaw here—the artistic taint.
She had heard him deplore the worship of empty line, saying that nature
almost invariably travesties it.
"I was hasty, then, in my conclusion to-day," he said, questioning,
"when I asked if there was any reason why I should not tell you how
great you are to me?"
"It did not seem the time to tell you," she answered quickly. "I was
wrong, but—it was not wrong to him! Please don't think that! I sent
him away."
"Oh, I see better—thank you. And now go on, Beth, please——"
"You see, he was my work——"
Beth's mother now called from the front door. She was going upstairs
and would say good-night to Mr. Bedient.
"Go to her," Beth whispered. "I shall see her later."
… And now she stood alone by the gate, her mind seething. Forces
within falteringly implored her to go no further. She found in his few
brief questions that old fidelity to truth that had been one of his
first charms. This helped to unsteady her. Was she not wrong to judge
this man by the standards the world had made her accept for others?…
The day came back. Why had Wordling been so far from her mind out there
in the sunlight? Radiant with health, thrilling with mysteries, in the
summit of her womanhood, she had been above fear, and he above evil.
The Shadowy Sister, too, had gone forth to meet him, majestic and
unashamed. What spell was that which had come over her, a perfect
vein-dilation in the brilliant light? Why, it had seemed to her that
she could feel the pulse of flower-stems, and paint the nervous systems
of the bees. Painting—what a pitiful transaction was art (in the
divine stimulus at that hour) compared to the supernal happiness of
evolved motherhood! And what exquisite homage had he shown her! And the
long talk, his mind crowded with pictures like memories of a
world-voyage! Again and again, there had come over her, some inner
uplift, as if she were rising upon a wave…. She heard his tones now,
as he spoke to her mother on the porch, and his gentleness throughout
recurred.
The Other had gone from her world, and now he was going. Her mind
shrank from the new and utter desolation…. The night seemed closing
about her, as she stood beside the gate. Like some great foreign
elemental, it was, until she was near to screaming, and perceived
herself captive to madness—a broken-nerved creature in a strange
place, stifling among aliens, undone in the torment of strange
stars…. And, another, the ancient terror to strong women, now fell
upon her, to show Beth Truba how mighty she was to suffer. The sense of
her own fruitlessness drove home to her breast, of living without
solution, realizing that all her fluent emotions, lovely ideals, all
her sympathies, dreams and labors, should end with her own tired hands;
that she must know the emptiness of every aspiration, while
half-finished women everywhere were girdled with children…. He was
coming toward her.
That instant, a merciful blankness fell upon her mind. Out of the fury
and maiming, her consciousness seemed lifted to some cool blackness.
There was just one vague, almost primal, instinct, such as a babe must
feel—the need to be taken in his arms. The wall between them would
have fallen had Bedient done that, but nothing was further from his
thoughts. He, too, was groping in terrible darkness. Her spirit was
lost to him…. There was no moonlight, so he could not discern the
anguish of her face, and the sense of her suffering blended with his
own…. A very wise woman has said that it isn't a woman's mysteries
which dismay and mislead a man, but her contradictions.
"And now tell me the rest, Beth," he said quickly, looking down into
the pale blur which was her face. "I must know."
She shivered slightly. She was dazed. Hatred for the moment, hatred for
self and the world, for him, imperiously pinning her to the old sorrow;
his failure to make a child of her, as a lover of less integrity might
have done—it was all a sickening botch, about Wordling's pretty
taunting face. She had not the strength of faculty to tear down and
build again the better way.
"You were telling me that he was your work—of his face and all,"
Bedient whispered.
"Oh, yes…. Oh, yes, and you went away——"
"Yes," he said strangely.
"I must have been dreaming…. It hurt me so—he hurt me so. I
remember——"
And now a cold gray light dawned in her brain, and the old story
cleared—the old worn grooves were easily followed.
"Yes."
"But I—perhaps—I was inexorable." There was something eerie in that
touch which held her for an instant.
"But you started to tell me more about him, I'm sure, at first,"
Bedient said. The idea in his brain needed this.
"I helped him in his studies," she answered angrily. There was
something morbid to her in Bedient's intensity. "I helped him in the
world, or friends of mine did. Yes, I made his way among men until he
could stand alone. And he did, quickly. He was bright. Even his
refinements of dress and manner and English—I undertook at the
beginning."
Half-dead she had fallen into the old current, not comprehending a
tithe of his suffering.
"Oh, I put love into it!" she said dully. "I thought it the most
glorious work I ever did."
"You tell me wonderfully about yourself, Beth, with these few
sentences…. There is nothing finer in my comprehension than the
mother-spirit in the maid which makes her love the boy or the man whom
she lifts and inspires."
The cool idealist had returned. Beth did not welcome him.
"I believe that every achievement which lifts a man above his fellows
is energized by some woman's outpouring heart. She bestows brave and
beautiful things of her own, working in the dark, until the hour of his
test, as those fine straws of the Tropics are woven under water——"
"And what mockery to find," she finished coldly, "after you have woven
and woven, that the fabric finally brought to light is streaky and
imperfect."
Bedient's business of the moment was to learn if she were right in
being as she said, "inexorable"; if she did not sometimes think that a
finely-human heart might have come since to that flashing exterior,
which had filled the girlish eyes. He could only draw from the whole
savage darkness that the Other still lived in her heart.
"But he will not stay forgotten—is that it, Beth?"
Into the cold gray light of her mind, came a curious parable that had
occurred to her, as they started out to ride this morning, before the
great moments of high noon. And thus she related it to Bedient in the
hatred which filled her, last of all from his imperturbable coolness:
"I saddled a great deal, even as a girl. In New York, years ago, the
desire came to possess a horse of my own. I bought a beautiful bay
colt, pure saddle-bred, rare to look upon; but something always went
wrong with him. He galled, threw a shoe and went lame, stumbled,
invariably did the unexpected, and often the dangerous, thing. Truly he
was brand new every morning. I worried as if he were a child, but I
wasn't the handler for him; he spoiled in my care; yet how I loved that
colt—the first. He might have killed me, had I kept him…. It was
over a year before I had the heart to buy again—Clarendon—big,
courageous, swifter than the other, splendid in strength, yet
absolutely reliable in temper. Day after day, in all roads and
weathers, he never failed nor fell—until——"
Beth halted. The parable faltered here. She foresaw a dangerous
question, and finished it true to Clarendon.
"Until——" Bedient repeated.
"Until now—and you have seen him to-day," she said hastily. "Always he
seems to be aiming at improvement with eager, unabated energy. In many
ways, it was hard for me to realize that a horse could be so noble….
And yet I gave to the first something that I didn't have for the
second. Something that belonged to the second, was gone from me——"
A moment passed. Beth glanced into Bedient's face, but the darkness was
too deep for her to see. When he spoke, it was as steadily as ever:
"I understand clearly, Beth. I should say, don't do the first an
injustice. It was those very uncertainties of his, those coltish
frights and tempers, that made you so perfect a mistress of the second,
for you invariably bring forth the best from the second."
Something big came to her from the utterance. But nothing of the
truth—that his heart had just received a death-thrust to its
love-giving…. He had left his gloves in the house. He asked for a cup
of water…. It was strange—his asking for anything. She could
remember only, besides this, his wish expressed that she might ride
with him. He had asked nothing this day. And it was a cup of water
now…. They were in the lamplight, and he had drunk…. She was
standing by the table, and he at the door waiting for her to lift her
eyes…. Suddenly she felt, through the silence, his great strength
pouring over her.
She looked up at last. There was a dazzling light in his eyes, as if
some wonderful good to do had formed in his mind.
"Beth, was he the Other Man—who rested for one day on the mantel in
the studio?"
"Yes."… The question shocked her. She could not have believed that it
was harder for him to ask, than for her to answer….
He came nearer. Like a spirit he came…. He seemed very tall and tired
and white…. Her hand was lifted to his lips, but when she turned, he
was gone.
Beth did not shut the door…. The sound of a shut door must not be the
last so strange a guest should hear. Beth was cold. She could hardly
realize….
Bedient turned and saw the light streaming out upon the porch. She was
not visible, but her shadow stood forth upon the boards, arms strangely
uplifted. The mortal within him was outraged, because he did not turn
back—into that open door.