The long, low room that we call The
Battery seemed most depressingly
quiet. Sam was there, to be sure, but
his presence hardly counted, for he was
sound-and-fast asleep in his own little box,
partitioned off in the far corner.
I foraged ’round for pipe and plug-cut,
lighted up, and wandered over to the bookcase.
There was nothing in it—nothing that
I felt up to the bother of reading. I went
over to the long oaken table and picked up a
copy of the Service Journal, but it proved to
be a back number, so I tossed it down again
upon the disorderly pile of periodicals, and
then climbed upon the cushions of the wide
dormer-window, just as the rattle of wheels
upon the stone flagging in the court far
below shattered the stillness of the July
afternoon.
A few words in a familiar voice came indistinctly
up to me; the wheels clattered
again, but more faintly, as the unseen vehicle
was driven out through the archway to the
street beyond; and steadily up the long
stairs, flight after flight, sounded a quick,
firm tread. And then the door swung wide
upon its hinges, and Bones, our surgeon—Dr.
Sawin, outside the service—broke into
the room, with his favorite greeting: “Hello,
inside! Never mind the guard!”
“The countersign is correct. Advance
friend,” said I, from number-one post on the
cushions. “Likewise, the guard, being asleep,
will not turn out. Come over here, and
make less riot.”
“Just been to see Ali Baba,” explained
Bones, dropping upon a chair near the window.
“He’ll be mended now in a week or
ten days. Thought I’d run up here to glance
through the papers. Sent my gig away because
it’s too hot to leave the horse standing.”
I slipped off my coat and tossed it to the
other end of the window-seat, preparatory to
elevating my feet for my greater comfort.
Bones also reduced his apparel, and provided
himself with smoking materials. Then, with
his first few puffs, he said, reflectively, “It’s
funny how that ‘Ali Baba’ title has been
handed down from captain to captain in ‘L’
company. Why, it must be more than
twenty years since the day of the first
‘Ali.’”
A side glance at the surgeon confirmed the
impression I had received from the peculiar
intonation of his voice: his hands were clasped
behind his head, his long legs were draped
over the arm of his chair, his eyes were half
closed, and he was on the point of being
talkative.
Now I, as the latest comer upon the staff,
have to serve in the capacity of waste-basket,
and all the older officers feel at liberty to use
me at any time when they feel the need of
freeing themselves of some mildewed old yarn.
So I drew a long breath, gave a grunt by way
of signifying that I would suffer uncomplainingly,
and settled myself to stare vacantly
out through the open casement, under the
wide, striped awning, and across the broad
expanse of roofs towards the green hills, far
beyond the city’s limits.
“Yes, it must be all of twenty years,” said
the surgeon, seeing that I made no effort to
escape, “for it was before I’d been enticed
into the service—and I’ve been dealing out
ginger and pills to this regiment for more
years than I care to remember.
“Things were different in those days: the
establishment wasn’t on quite the footing that
it’s on now. In fact, the true military spirit
was at rather a low ebb, and discipline, to
put it mildly, was far from rigid. So the
service—even though there were good men
in it then—was rather in disrepute.
“At that time one Merrowbank was captain
of ‘L.’ He was a typical old-timer, a
milishy-man from the word go, and a glittering
example of all that a volunteer officer
shouldn’t be. It was a pet theory of his that
the commissioned officer should be able to
find stowage for just twice as much Santa
Cruz product as the enlisted man could manage
to put away—and he lived up to his
theory most consistently. Moreover, he had
a childlike faith that Providence would keep
a watchful eye upon his company property,
and he never allowed himself any worry
about trifles like shortages in equipment.
Well, he’s been out for a long time now—and
it’s nihil nisi bonum, you know—but he
had a gay old company, they say.
“When the brigade went into camp that
year—whatever year it was—Merrowbank
took down three officers and forty men, which
was a good showing, so far as strength went,
for those days. But he found himself short
on rifles and great-coats and any quantity of
other stuff, and his implicit faith in Providence
was much shaken by the discovery; so
much shaken that he felt it incumbent upon
him to rustle ’round a bit in his own behalf.
“So he got his non-com.’s into his tent the
first night of camp, explained the nature of
the emergency, and issued a G.O., to the
effect that before the next morning every
man in ‘L’ who was short of equipment must
manage to make up the deficiency—how, he
didn’t care a coppery cent, though he’d suggest
that it mightn’t be a bad idea to be
neighborly with the other regiments of the
brigade, just to see how well off they might
be in the matter of State property.
“Well, the non-com.’s faithfully promulgated
both Merrowbank’s general order and
the hint that went with it, and the captain
went off on a visit to each of the twenty-four
tents in Line Officers’ Row, and finally stowed
himself away in bed with a comfortable sense
of having done his best to supplement the
watchful care of Providence.”
“And in the morning, I suppose, he woke
up to find his property complete, and the
company fully armed and equipped,” said I,
feeling that it was time for me to give some
assurance of having been listening.
“Yes, that was about the size of it, as the
story goes,” assented Bones, sending a big
puff of smoke on its way towards the open
window. “But poor Merrowbank had rather
a rude awakening on that particular morning,
for he was roused by a volley of sharp raps
upon his tent-pole, and a good bit before
reveille, too.
“As was only natural, he swore fluently,
though politely, at the people outside his
canvas, and desired to know what the hallelujah
they meant by stirring him up at that
hour. But on recognizing the colonel’s voice—Hazeltine
was colonel then—he tumbled
himself out of bed in two-four time; and
when he had poked his head through the
tent-flaps and had discovered not only the
colonel but also old General Starbuckle standing
outside in the dim, gray light, he found
his ideas coming very rapidly to him, and
apologized most profusely for the warmth of
his first greeting.
“‘That’s all right, Captain,’ said the colonel,
with ominous calmness, glancing keenly
at the blinking eyes and rumpled hair framed
by the opening in the tent curtain. ‘It’s
very annoying, of course, to be roused at
such an unseemly hour, after a hard day—and
night! But General Starbuckle wishes
to see for himself how quickly you can turn
out your company, in heavy-marching order,
as if in response to a sudden call for special
duty. I shall take time from the present
moment.’ And he sprung open the lid of
his watch, holding it up to his face to note
the exact hour.
“Merrowbank desperately plunged into his
uniform, stirred up his lieutenants, routed
out his first sergeant, and then joined his
superior officers; the sleepy men turned out,
grumbling and growling, and commenting
profanely upon the proceedings; and finally
‘L’ stood formed-up in its company street.
“‘Very fair work, Captain,’ observed Hazeltine,
closing his watch with a snap, but
omitting any mention of the time taken by
the formation; ‘very fair indeed. Now, General,
at your convenience’—
“‘What’s your strength, sir?’ asked old
Starbuckle, glancing along the line of ill-tempered
men.
“‘Three-forty, sir,’ said Merrowbank, suppressing
a yawn, and wishing that the old
man would be done with his precious nonsense.
“‘Arms and equipments complete and in
proper condition?’ questioned the general,
sinking his chin deeply into the upturned
collar of his great-coat, and sharply eyeing
his unsuspecting victim.
“‘They should be, sir,’ replied the captain,
catching the point of his sword in his left hand,
and bending the blade into a semicircle
of shining steel.
“‘H’m! Yes, they should be,’ grunted old
Starbuckle, with a tug at his white imperial,
‘but I think I’ll inspect. You, sir, will remain
at your post. Will you accompany me,
Colonel?’
“The two senior officers slowly passed
down the opened ranks, making a most
minute inspection of every man. The colonel
had lugged out a note-book, and from time to
time, at some muttered remark from the general,
he would make a brief entry, grinning
wickedly at each fresh line of pencilling—for
he was no friend of Merrowbank’s, and
he found great joy in the task in which he
was engaged.
“At length—just as the drowsy drummers
of the regiment were turning out to beat reveille—the
inspection came to an end, and the
general, coming to the front of the company,
said, ‘Captain, you will direct your first
lieutenant to report the result of reveille
roll-call. I wish a word with you in your
quarters.’
“Entering the captain’s tent, old Starbuckle
planted himself solidly upon a camp-stool,
frowned, and said, ‘You are aware,
Colonel Hazeltine, how strongly I object to
having companies of line organizations bear
any designation other than that of regimental
number and company letter: has this company
any name of an unofficial nature?’
“‘It used to be called the Norfolk Fencibles,
I believe,’ replied Hazeltine, wondering
at what the brigade commander could be
driving, ‘and that name is sometimes used
even now—on social occasions.’
“‘Norfolk Fencibles, eh? Tasteful title,
that—very!’ grunted the gray-bearded old
soldier. ‘And you report forty men, Captain?’
“‘Yes, sir: officers, three—and forty men,’
said poor Merrowbank, feeling a caravan of
cold shivers go travelling down his spine, for
from the general’s tone he felt abundantly certain
that something nasty was coming next.
“‘Well, from now on,’ fairly snorted old
Starbuckle, ‘this company will be known as
The Forty Thieves!—and with my sanction
freely given. Kindly read what you have
there, Colonel.’
“The colonel pawed over the leaves of his
note-book. ‘One rifle, marked “M, 4th;”’
he began; two ditto, marked “C, 4th;” one
ditto, marked “B, 7th;” one great-coat, with
red facings’—
“‘An infantryman stupid enough to rob
the gunners ought to be discharged for color-blindness,
if for nothing else,’ interrupted
the general, in the deepest disgust.
“‘One ditto, with yellow facings; two ditto,
marked’—
“‘There, that’ll do!’ broke in Starbuckle.
‘There are two more pages full of iniquity;
but I haven’t the patience to listen to ’em.
Not a word, sir!’ as poor Merrowbank desperately
began an incoherent explanation;
‘not a word! It’s a bad enough business as
it stands—don’t try to make it worse.
I’ll explain for your enlightenment that I
took a quiet stroll around the camp last
night, to observe for myself how the men
were conducting themselves, and it so happened
that I was just outside your tent when
you were giving your non-commissioned
officers instructions in petit larceny—and
canvas walls are thin, very thin!
“‘To put it into plain English, I was eavesdropping—though
unintentionally—and
I must apologize, of course, for the way in
which I caught you off your guard. But I
wish to state right here, Captain, that I can’t
approve of your methods, however much I
may feel compelled to admire their results;
and you therefore will be allowed to send in
your papers immediately upon your return
from this camp. I let you down easily, sir,
for the sake of this regiment, which is a good
one, and as a mark of my consideration for
your colonel, who is trying to bring the service
into efficiency and good repute.’ And
with this the general rose stiffly, and marched
out of the tent, without bothering to bid
Merrowbank a good morning.
“And that was how The Forty Thieves
came into their title. The story leaked
out, as such stories will, and for the rest
of that camp Merrowbank was known as
Ali Baba. When his papers had gone in
and he had gone out, the nickname was
handed down to the next captain of ‘L’—and
it will be many a long day, I fancy,
before the line of Ali becomes extinct in the
regiment.”
“But Ali Baba wasn’t captain of the
thieves—at least, as I remember the original
fable,” I objected.
“What’s that to do with it?” demanded
Bones, getting up from his chair. “Haven’t
you been with us long enough to know that
we of The Third are never tied down by precedent?”
“But all this happened long before you
were in the service,” I ventured. “How does
it happen that you can reel it off as smoothly
as if you’d been there to see and hear it?”
“Oh, I’ve heard the colonel tell it so
often that I’ve got the whole lesson by
heart,” admitted Bones.
“Yes,” I said wearily, “and so have I!”
The surgeon came over to the window and
for a moment stood looking down into the
deserted court. The sun had sunk lower,
and now its rays came slantwise under the
awning and through the opened sashes, to
flash in dazzling brightness upon the polished
blades and glittering spear-heads of the barbaric
weapons clustered on the wall above
the bookcase. A fly buzzed its way across
the broad track of light, and Bones made a
sweep at it with his big hand, but the wary
little insect promptly changed direction by
the right flank, gave the slip to his burly
enemy, and joined a squad of his kindred
deployed in open order upon the ceiling.
“Quiet, isn’t it?” said the medicine-man;
“quiet as an empty fizz-bottle. Never knew
the old shop to be so empty at this late hour
of the afternoon.”
“It’s July,” I suggested, “and half the
fellows are out of town.”
Bones turned and glanced down the long
room towards Sam’s corner, whence at intervals
came the low sound of a contented snore.
“Seems something like church, eh?” he said.
“We haven’t the sermon, but the proper
accompaniment is all here. I take it that the
veteran has yielded to heat prostration.
Well, I’ll not bother him: I can be my own
commissary. Ginger-pop and ice wouldn’t
be deadly in the present state of the atmosphere.
What do you say?”
“I’ll follow your lead,” said I, rapping out
the ashes from my pipe; “ginger-pop’ll do
for the foundation—and I can trust you to
trim it up properly.”
Stepping softly, the surgeon made his way
into Sam’s province, presently returning in
triumph with two tall glasses of golden-brown
nectar, crested with finely crushed ice, and
faintly suggestive of old Monogram. I manœuvred
a small table into position between
two roomy arm-chairs, and then refilled and
lighted my pipe.
“Here’s fun!” said the doctor, politely
nodding in my direction, and causing a perceptible
ebb in the icy tide in his glass. I
made haste to secure the remaining tumbler
before replying, in deference to Bones’ profession,
“Here’s hoping for an epidemic!”
“Now, speaking of The Forty Thieves,”
said the doctor, setting his glass back upon
the table, and thereby adding another ring of
moisture to the two already in evidence upon
the polished wood, “I suppose the proudest
day in their history was when—just hand
over that pipe, will you? It seems to be
drawing like a regular flue; mine’s stopped.”
I groaned, but handed over my pipe and
rose to hunt for another one. “Now you
can chatter along like an accommodation
train,” I said, after I had got myself finally
settled, with a fresh corn-cob in one hand
and my glass within easy reach of the other.
“Meaning with plenty of smoke, and frequent
stops for refreshments? Precisely,”
said Bones. “Well, it was a great day—the
day when The Forty Thieves did up All-Italy.
And nobody told me about that,
either: omnia ququæ vidi, quorum magna pars
fui—Latin!”
“Yes, I’m awake to the fact,” said I. “You
needn’t construe.”
“It was all of eight years back,” Bones
ran on, “for it was the year before Hazeltine
went up to the command of the brigade.
Colonel Elliott was major then, and Curtis,
who’s senior major now, at that time was
captain of ‘L’ and reigning Ali of The Forty
Thieves. And I?—well, I hadn’t been
commissioned, but was serving out the fag-end
of my third enlistment as hospital steward.
Gad! how the roster’s changed since.”
“Tempora mutantur—Latin!” I hastened
to put in at this favorable point. “Proceed,
you moss-grown veteran.”
“Well, this was the way of it,” said the
learned doctor, acknowledging by a grin
that honors were a stand-off on the score
of dead languages. “When it came ’round
to the time for our fall field-work that year,
Hazeltine packed us aboard the cars for
Glastonbury, down on the line of the B.S.
& N.Y.
“For a wonder, the plan of operations was
not at all complicated. The main object of
the day’s work was to practise the men in
skirmishing and in the gaining of ground by
short platoon-rushes. So when we reached
our destination, we marched out from the
village a couple of miles, and then Elliott’s
battalion was detached and posted along a
stone wall and among some farm buildings,
facing a broad sweep of open meadow, while
the rest of the regiment footed it along for
a mile farther, to return later in the character
of bloody invaders.
“Now, up to this point everything was
simple enough. But Elliott was—and, as
you may have noticed, still is—a strategist
of large calibre, and he’d taken the liberty of
making a slight addition to the cut-and-dried
plan of campaign. About a week before, he
had run down to Glastonbury to look over
the ground alone, and in the course of his
travels he’d made some observations in regard
to the lay of the land that set him to
thinking. And this is what he thought:
“His four companies were to be attacked
in front by the remaining eight, and in the
nature of things he was fairly certain of
being defeated, but he’d noted the fact that
on the left of his position there was a thick
growth of young timber, with an old wood-road
running off into it, and on following
this up he found that it made a circuit and
came out into the meadow in his front, in
such a way that a force marching over it
would find itself eventually in rear of the
right flank of the attacking party; and therefore
he reasoned that he could make things
very entertaining for the colonel’s contingent
by availing himself of this feature of
the landscape, and mentally made his dispositions
accordingly.
“Now, I ought to have been with the
main body; but when Elliott’s battalion detached
itself I somehow got mixed up with
it, and when I found out my mistake I decided
to stay where I was—notwithstanding
the fact that the assistant surgeon had been
assigned to duty with the defence—rather
than go chasing over a dusty road after the
rest of the regiment. And that was where I
played in luck, for if I’d been at my proper
post I’d have missed my march with The
Forty Thieves, and all the sport that came in
at the end of it.
“Elliott had disposed his four companies
in line of battle along the stone wall, but as
soon as Colonel Hazeltine’s troops went out
of sight around a bend in the road he gave
some hurried instructions to Curtis, who
straightway started ‘L’ company off into the
woods. And then Elliott came riding down
the line, and caught sight of me.
“‘Hello!’ says he, ‘you here? We seem
to be pretty heavy laden with doctors. Just
you hustle along after Curtis and his Thieves;
an independent column ought to have a
medicine-man of its own.’
“So I saluted, and went on a jog-trot after
‘L,’ with my field-case bumping and banging
against my hip, and”—
“And mighty sour you were at the detail!”
I hazarded, getting up and going over
to the mantel after a supply of matches.
“And caught up with The Thieves just
after they’d got well into the bush,” said
Bones, without noticing my interruption.
“Well, I reported to Curtis, and got orders
to march either in the line of file-closers or
at the rear of the column; and choosing the
latter alternative, I trudged along quite contentedly,
a little N.C.S. all by myself. It
was a cloudy day, with just enough coolness
in the air to make marching pleasant, and I
thoroughly enjoyed the tramp along the
leafy, grass-grown path. The boys joked
and guyed each other—we were marching
route-step—and once they started in on a
song with a jolly, swinging refrain to it, but
Curtis shut ’em up in short order, for he
didn’t care to have his progress too widely
advertised.
“Now, Elliott had said that a march of
something like three-quarters of a mile would
bring us into the desired position for flanking
the colonel’s hostile forces, and he’d cautioned
Curtis not to cover his ground in less than
half an hour; so we strolled along slowly
and took things easily. But when, after
travelling for the best part of an hour, we
had seen no signs of a clearing, why, we
rather began to wonder where we were at,
and wherefore. You see, we were making
our way through the thickest of thick cover,
there wasn’t in the whole outfit such an
article as a compass, and there was no sun to
tell us which way our noses pointed.
“‘This begins to grow blamed ridiculous,’
said Curtis, after we’d patiently footed it for
about two miles and a half. ‘I’m not so dead
sure about our not being lost. But I’ve had
my orders. “Follow copy if it takes you out
of the window” is a good enough rule for
me’—in civil life, you know, Curtis was a
newspaper man—‘and so I’ll heel-and-toe it
over this blossoming path until we land in
the middle of next week.’
“‘Hello!’ he broke out a moment later,
‘the advance guard begins to show signs of
life!’ And with that he halted the company,
as the sergeant—who, with two men, had
preceded the company by a hundred yards or
so—came running back towards us. ‘Well,
sergeant, what is it? Are we in sight of
land yet?’
“‘I haven’t seen anything, sir,’ reported
the sergeant, ‘but I just heard something like
shouting, and after that a few shots; not volleys,
just scattering pops.’
“‘The skirmishers starting in, most likely,’
commented Curtis, ‘though that wouldn’t account
for the shouting.’
“‘But the sound appeared to come from
our left,’ went on the sergeant; ‘and that
seems queer.’
“‘From your left?’ repeated Curtis, break-off
a small twig and thoughtfully chewing
one end of it. ‘The deuce it did! Then
we’ve marched half ’round a circle, or else
the colonel’s flanked us. According to all
the rules of the game the enemy ought to be
engaged on our right. ‘Tention! Silence in
the ranks!’
“We all stood motionless in our tracks,
and listened intently. And sure enough,
from somewhere ahead of us and to our left,
there came the faint sound of a distant uproar,
and the echo of an occasional shot.
“‘H’m! I’m completely twisted,’ muttered
Curtis, as with wrinkled brows he stood listening
to the far-off racket. ‘I can’t seem to
make it out at all. Sounds like a picnic of
the Gentlemen’s Sons’ Chowder Club! Well,
push ahead with your men, sergeant, and keep
your eyes and ears well stretched. Keep
quiet, and close up, there in the company!’
And we took up our march again.
“‘Halt!’ commanded Curtis, in a low tone,
but sharply, as we turned an abrupt corner
in the path and caught sight of the sergeant
standing with one hand warningly uplifted.
‘Great Scott! We seem to be operating
against field-works, and heavy ones too!’
For across the old road, a couple of hundred
yards away down the leafy vista, there loomed
up before us a high, steep embankment of
bright, fresh gravel, clearly outlined against
the dull gray of the sky and the dark green
of the foliage.
“‘Now be perfectly silent, everybody; and
you, Lane’—to the first lieutenant—‘take
charge of the company. I’m going to look
into the situation for myself,’ said Curtis.
And then quickly running forward he joined
the sergeant and his men, scrambled with
them up the high bank, turned to the left,
and disappeared behind the shrubbery.
“For perhaps ten minutes we stood waiting
and listening. The noise now was distinctly
audible, and I counted the reports of
eleven shots before the captain’s figure again
came into view upon the crest of the gravel-bank.
Well, he waved his arm as a signal
for us to advance, and we double-timed it
down the path in beautiful form, for during
that halt of ours we had been growing terribly
inquisitive about what was in the wind, and
we were in somewhat of a hurry to find out.
“At a gesture from Curtis we halted at the
foot of the slope. He had pulled out a note-book,
and was scratching away in it like a
crazy reporter; but finally he ripped out two
or three leaves, folded them up, and sang out,
‘Corporal Campbell, you’re supposed to be a
sprinter: you will take this note, with my
compliments, to Major Elliott—and waste
no seconds in doing your distance. Give
your rifle and equipments to the hospital
steward. On your mark—set—go!’
“‘And now, boys,’ he continued, as the
corporal, after loading me down with his impedimenta,
started off on his long run, ‘I’ve
found out what’s making all this row. In
the first place, it’s evident that we’ve been
travelling the wrong road’—it afterwards
appeared, though Elliott hadn’t notified us of
the fact, that there were two old wood-roads,
of which we carefully had avoided the right
one—‘and I haven’t the slightest idea of
where we are. But this embankment apparently
is the road-bed of that branch which
the B. S. & N. Y. is building, and about a third
of a mile from us there’s a howling mob of
Italians—something less than a thousand and
more than two hundred of ’em: I didn’t stop
to count—laying regular siege to a shanty
in which, in all probability, they’ve got their
contractors cornered like rats in a trap. I
don’t know anything about the cause of the
shindy—more than likely it’s the old story
of overdue pay and ugly tempers—but it’s a
royal rumpus, whatever started it, and if nobody’s
been hurt yet, somebody’s bound to be
hurt soon, unless the strong arm of the law
sits down hard upon the troubled sea over
yonder.’ And with this elegant example of
metaphor he stopped to catch breath.
“‘Now, after a fashion, we are the strong
arm of the law,’ went on Curtis, ‘and I think
it’s plainly our duty to sail in, and pour the
oil of peace upon the raging waters. I’ve no
orders to cover the case; I haven’t any “lawful
precept” from mayor or selectmen or anybody
else, but—now don’t yell!—if you’ll
follow me, I’ll take you along to see the entertainment.
All who’ll volunteer to go will
come to right-shoulder!’
“Up went the fifty-odd rifles in one-time-and-three-motions,
and Curtis continued:
‘That’s the proper stuff! Now, we shall be
a half-hundred against a very good-sized mob,
and though we are well enough armed, we’re
without any ammunition except blanks. It’s
dollars to dimes that the bare sight of us will
quiet down the ruction, but I don’t care to
take any chances. I’ve got to fit you out in
some way—how the pretty-pink-blazes shall
I do it?’
“He stood thinking for a moment, then
made the company form fours—we’d been
marching column-of-twos, the path being so
narrow—swung the fours into line, and
caused arms to be stacked. ‘Now every man
of you,’ said he, when the men stood clear of
the stacks, ‘will provide himself with ten bits
of twig, of the same diameter as a lead-pencil,
and about half the length of one. See that
the twigs are smooth and straight, so that
they’ll slip cleanly into the rifle-chamber—and,
if you want to, you may sharpen one
end of ’em. Break ranks!—and start in on
your whittling.’
“‘Aren’t you afraid that those bullets will
be liable to key-hole, Captain?’ sang out one
of the lieutenants, with a pleasant grin at
his own humor and the prospect of coming
trouble.
“‘Can’t tell,’ replied Curtis cheerfully, ‘at
least, until we’ve tried ’em. I’m all at sea
about trajectories, initial velocities, and all
that. We’ll have to work out our musketry
theories as we go along. All fitted out, you
lads down there? Then fall in!’
“The company formed up, and broke
stacks; and then Curtis gave his final directions.
‘Just a word more, boys: if I have
to give the command “load!” you will open
chamber, thrust into the bore a wooden bullet,
and send home after it a blank cartridge.
You must keep muzzles elevated, or else your
projectiles will slip out. And lastly, if the
wild men whom we’re going to visit should
exhibit any desire to rush us, I shall order
you to drop your cleaning-rods into your barrels—and
we’ll try the effect of harpooning
’em at short range. That’s all. Fours right—march!’
And like a small army of ants
we swarmed up the sloping bank of sliding
gravel, and started on our march down the
railway.
“Picking up the advance guard as we
went, we tramped rapidly forward, and in a
very short time came in sight of the theatre
of operations. Sure enough, the comedy—or,
for all we then knew, the tragedy—was
in full blast, for a roaring mob of swarthy
Italians was surging ’round a roughly built
shanty, and amusing itself by yelling, and
sending an occasional stone or bullet at
the closed doors and windows. Whoever
was inside was lying very low indeed, for
there was no response from within to the
demonstrations of the attacking party, and
only the lively interest shown by those outside
made it appear that the place was tenanted
at all.
“The rascals caught sight of us when we
were about forty rods from them, and for a
moment I thought that I detected signs of
a stampede; but when they saw how few
we were—for fifty men in column-of-fours
don’t make a very imposing showing—they
bundled together in a devilishly ugly and
suggestive sort of way, and waited for us to
come up.
“We left the railway, formed line upon a
level stretch of ground, moved forward a hundred
yards or so, and then halted.
“‘Now may heaven forgive me the sinful
thought,’ said Curtis, as he stood sizing up
the savage rabble before him, ‘but I’ve seven-eighths
of a mind to give it to ’em where they
stand! That aggregation of deviltry is too
tempting!’ But, however strong the temptation
may have been, he manfully overcame
it, and stepping half-a-dozen paces to the front
called out, ‘Is there any one among you who
speaks English?’
“For answer the children of sunny Italy
sent up a derisive and most provoking yell;
and so Curtis, failing to obtain an interpreter
from the ranks of the enemy, turned to us,
with, ‘Not much satisfaction to be had from
them, apparently. Does anybody in the company
know their lingo?’
“It seemed that our ignorance was on a
par with theirs, for nobody confessed to a
working knowledge of Italian. For one
insane moment, to be sure, I was impelled to
step out and address the offending foreigners
in the ancient tongue of their native land;
but to save my soul I couldn’t lay hand upon
anything besides Arma virumque cano, and”—
“Latin again, by thunder!” I said, enthusiastically.
“Ah! but you are up in the
humanities, Bones.”
“And that, you know,” placidly went on
the surgeon, with a nod in recognition of my
admiration, “was hardly the extent of what
I wished to say—though it may have been,
after a fashion, apposite to the requirements
of the occasion. So I let the chance to distinguish
myself slip by unimproved, and
stuck to my place in the file-closers.
“‘Now I am in a hole!’ admitted Curtis,
after this double failure in his attempt at
opening the way to a parley. ‘I’m stumped
at this phase of the business—and blessed if
I know just what card to lead next!’
“‘Ah! you will, will you?’ he growled, as
three or four stones came sailing over at us.
‘Well, that’s cue enough for me. Fix bayonets!’
There was a metallic rattle and clash,
as the fifty steel jabbing-tools were put into
place for business. ‘With ball cartridge—load!’
“‘And now, in the name of the Commonwealth,’
bellowed Curtis, after he had seen
his men tuck away in their rifles wood enough
to keep a match factory running full time for
a week, ‘I command ye to disperse!’
“‘Skip—scatter—vamose!’ he added by
way of explanation, waving his arms like a
farmer driving away mosquitoes. ‘Get a
move on you, and clear out, you obstinate
lunatics! Sabe? Comprenez? Understand?’
“It seemed to me that the mob displayed
symptoms of wavering: and when Curtis, in
his deepest and most awe-inspiring tone, commanded,
‘Aim!’ I drew a breath of relief, for
I felt that when The Forty Thieves levelled
their fifty rifles in one long, threatening line,
a break must surely follow. But just at this
critical moment the door of the shanty was
flung open, and three men dashed out and
went tearing off towards the woods. And
then the break came!—though not just in
the way I had anticipated. For, utterly disregarding
us, the swarthy madmen, with a
wild yell of delight, sprang off in pursuit of
their escaping prey.
“It was a horrible sight—upon my soul,
a horrible sight!—to see the brutal fierceness
of that sudden rush. And it made me fairly
sick to think of the pounding and stabbing
and murderous kicking that surely would
follow if the mob once caught the miserable
men whom it was hunting down. I only
wish that those who frown upon the service
could have been with us then—for they
would have had an awful object-lesson in the
necessity for maintaining the military establishment,
even in this enlightened land and
in these peaceful days.
“I must admit that the unexpected hideousness
of the whole thing threw me clean
off my balance for the moment; but Curtis
kept his head, and did his duty as he saw it
cut out for him. ‘Aim waist-high!’ he commanded,
running to the windward flank of
the company in order to observe the effect
of the volley. ‘Fire!’ And, with a report
like that of a single big cannon-cracker, The
Forty Thieves came into the game.
“I heard a chorus of outlandish yelps and
howls immediately after the volley rang out,
and, to my infinite relief and satisfaction,
when the smoke drifted up and away I saw
that the rabble was scattering in every direction.
Five or six men were down, but
whether they’d been hit or simply had tumbled
over each other, I can’t say, for—with
the exception of one fellow—they all
scrambled straightway to their feet, and
pranced off to cover in a way that convinced
me that their wounds, if they had any,
weren’t liable to be instantly fatal.
“Well, there was my cue. I handed to
the nearest sergeant the rifle I’d been carrying,
and ran over to hold a post mortem—still
more Latin, you’ll observe—on the man
that we’d bowled over. When I started
towards him he seemed to be out of it, for he
lay quite still; but just as I reached him
he began to jabber and snarl and twist
himself into bow-knots, for all the world as
if he’d eaten a peck of green apples, and was
undergoing the consequences. Flapping him
over upon his back I began to search for his
hurt, but I didn’t have to make a very extended
hunt, for—well, what do you suppose
I found?”
“Can’t guess,” said I, fishing out a bit of
ice from the bottom of my emptied glass;
“unless your man was skewered on one of
those wooden plugs.”
“That’s not so wide as it might be,”
laughed Bones, “for I found a stylographic
pen—yes, sir; a stylographic pen!—tightly
driven into the muscles of his neck. Regular
hypodermic injection of ink, by ginger! That
proved the pen mightier than the sword,
eh?”
“So it would seem,” said I. “But whose
pen was it?”
“I never found out,” said the surgeon.
“Whoever it was that got excited enough to
shoot it away was too much ashamed to claim
it afterwards, and I still have it.
“Well, that’s nearly all the story of the
war with Italy. We held the field until
Elliott came up with his battalion; and later,
Hazeltine came ploughing down the railway
with the other eight companies—after which,
of course, peace reigned supreme. I daresay
you remember the court of inquiry on Curtis,
and the newspaper discussion about the
whole business?”
“Yes,” said I, rising from my chair, after
a glance at my watch; “and I remember
reading that Curtis came near getting into
uncomfortably hot water for taking the law
so calmly into his hands.”
“Humph! That was all very well,” said
the doctor, rising and going towards the spot
where he had tossed his coat. “But if those
who questioned Curtis’ authority to do as he
did only could have seen what I had the
privilege of seeing, they’d have chipped in to
buy him a presentation sword, instead of
criticising his actions so freely. Well, I
must dine somewhere, I suppose, and I think
your club will do me.” And we slipped
quietly down the stairs, leaving Sam still
sleeping.