My father, schooled under adversity, knew that it was never well
to press advantage too far. He took the equivalent of five shillings
for three brace, which was somewhat less than the birds would have been
worth when things were as he had known them. Moreover, he consented
to take a shilling’s worth of Musical Bank money, which (as he
has explained in his book) has no appreciable value outside these banks.
He did this because he knew that it would be respectable to be seen
carrying a little Musical Bank money, and also because he wished to
give some of it to the British Museum, where he knew that this curious
coinage was unrepresented. But the coins struck him as being much
thinner and smaller than he had remembered them.
It was Panky, not Hanky, who had given him the Musical Bank money.
Panky was the greater humbug of the two, for he would humbug even himself—a
thing, by the way, not very hard to do; and yet he was the less successful
humbug, for he could humbug no one who was worth humbugging—not
for long. Hanky’s occasional frankness put people off their
guard. He was the mere common, superficial, perfunctory Professor,
who, being a Professor, would of course profess, but would not lie more
than was in the bond; he was log-rolled and log-rolling, but still,
in a robust wolfish fashion, human.
Panky, on the other hand, was hardly human; he had thrown himself
so earnestly into his work, that he had become a living lie. If
he had had to play the part of Othello he would have blacked himself
all over, and very likely smothered his Desdemona in good earnest.
Hanky would hardly have blacked himself behind the ears, and his Desdemona
would have been quite safe.
Philosophers are like quails in the respect that they can take two
or three flights of imagination, but rarely more without an interval
of repose. The Professors had imagined my father to be a poacher
and a ranger; they had imagined the quails to be wanted for Sunday’s
banquet; they had imagined that they imagined (at least Panky had) that
they were about to eat landrails; they were now exhausted, and cowered
down into the grass of their ordinary conversation, paying no more attention
to my father than if he had been a log. He, poor man, drank in
every word they said, while seemingly intent on nothing but his quails,
each one of which he cut up with a knife borrowed from Hanky.
Two had been plucked already, so he laid these at once upon the clear
embers.
“I do not know what we are to do with ourselves,” said
Hanky, “till Sunday. To-day is Thursday—it is the
twenty-ninth, is it not? Yes, of course it is—Sunday is
the first. Besides, it is on our permit. To-morrow we can
rest; what, I wonder, can we do on Saturday? But the others will
be here then, and we can tell them about the statues.”
“Yes, but mind you do not blurt out anything about the landrails.”
“I think we may tell Dr. Downie.”
“Tell nobody,” said Panky.
They then talked about the statues, concerning which it was plain
that nothing was known. But my father soon broke in upon their
conversation with the first instalment of quails, which a few minutes
had sufficed to cook.
“What a delicious bird a quail is,” said Hanky.
“Landrail, Hanky, landrail,” said the other reproachfully.
Having finished the first birds in a very few minutes they returned
to the statues.
“Old Mrs. Nosnibor,” said Panky, “says the Sunchild
told her they were symbolic of ten tribes who had incurred the displeasure
of the sun, his father.”
I make no comment on my father’s feelings.
“Of the sun! his fiddlesticks’ ends,” retorted
Hanky. “He never called the sun his father. Besides,
from all I have heard about him, I take it he was a precious idiot.”
“O Hanky, Hanky! you will wreck the whole thing if you ever
allow yourself to talk in that way.”
“You are more likely to wreck it yourself, Panky, by never
doing so. People like being deceived, but they like also to have
an inkling of their own deception, and you never inkle them.”
“The Queen,” said Panky, returning to the statues, “sticks
to it that . . . ”
“Here comes another bird,” interrupted Hanky; “never
mind about the Queen.”
The bird was soon eaten, whereon Panky again took up his parable
about the Queen.
“The Queen says they are connected with the cult of the ancient
Goddess Kiss-me-quick.”
“What if they are? But the Queen sees Kiss-me-quick in
everything. Another quail, if you please, Mr. Ranger.”
My father brought up another bird almost directly. Silence
while it was being eaten.
“Talking of the Sunchild,” said Panky; “did you
ever see him?”
“Never set eyes on him, and hope I never shall.”
And so on till the last bird was eaten.
“Fellow,” said Panky, “fetch some more wood; the
fire is nearly dead.”
“I can find no more, sir,” said my father, who was afraid
lest some genuine ranger might be attracted by the light, and was determined
to let it go out as soon as he had done cooking.
“Never mind,” said Hanky, “the moon will be up
soon.”
“And now, Hanky,” said Panky, “tell me what you
propose to say on Sunday. I suppose you have pretty well made
up your mind about it by this time.”
“Pretty nearly. I shall keep it much on the usual lines.
I shall dwell upon the benighted state from which the Sunchild rescued
us, and shall show how the Musical Banks, by at once taking up the movement,
have been the blessed means of its now almost universal success.
I shall talk about the immortal glory shed upon Sunch’ston by
the Sunchild’s residence in the prison, and wind up with the Sunchild
Evidence Society, and an earnest appeal for funds to endow the canonries
required for the due service of the temple.”
“Temple! what temple?” groaned my father inwardly.
“And what are you going to do about the four black and white
horses?”
“Stick to them, of course—unless I make them six.”
“I really do not see why they might not have been horses.”
“I dare say you do not,” returned the other drily, “but
they were black and white storks, and you know that as well as I do.
Still, they have caught on, and they are in the altar-piece, prancing
and curvetting magnificently, so I shall trot them out.”
“Altar-piece! Altar-piece!” again groaned my father
inwardly.
He need not have groaned, for when he came to see the so-called altar-piece
he found that the table above which it was placed had nothing in common
with the altar in a Christian church. It was a mere table, on
which were placed two bowls full of Musical Bank coins; two cashiers,
who sat on either side of it, dispensed a few of these to all comers,
while there was a box in front of it wherein people deposited coin of
the realm according to their will or ability. The idea of sacrifice
was not contemplated, and the position of the table, as well as the
name given to it, was an instance of the way in which the Erewhonians
had caught names and practices from my father, without understanding
what they either were or meant. So, again, when Professor Hanky
had spoken of canonries, he had none but the vaguest idea of what a
canonry is.
I may add further that as a boy my father had had his Bible well
drilled into him, and never forgot it. Hence biblical passages
and expressions had been often in his mouth, as the effect of mere unconscious
cerebration. The Erewhonians had caught many of these, sometimes
corrupting them so that they were hardly recognizable. Things
that he remembered having said were continually meeting him during the
few days of his second visit, and it shocked him deeply to meet some
gross travesty of his own words, or of words more sacred than his own,
and yet to be unable to correct it. “I wonder,” he
said to me, “that no one has ever hit on this as a punishment
for the damned in Hades.”
Let me now return to Professor Hanky, whom I fear that I have left
too long.
“And of course,” he continued, “I shall say all
sorts of pretty things about the Mayoress—for I suppose we must
not even think of her as Yram now.”
“The Mayoress,” replied Panky, “is a very dangerous
woman; see how she stood out about the way in which the Sunchild had
worn his clothes before they gave him the then Erewhonian dress.
Besides, she is a sceptic at heart, and so is that precious son of hers.”
“She was quite right,” said Hanky, with something of
a snort. “She brought him his dinner while he was still
wearing the clothes he came in, and if men do not notice how a man wears
his clothes, women do. Besides, there are many living who saw
him wear them.”
“Perhaps,” said Panky, “but we should never have
talked the King over if we had not humoured him on this point.
Yram nearly wrecked us by her obstinacy. If we had not frightened
her, and if your study, Hanky, had not happened to have been burned
. . . ”
“Come, come, Panky, no more of that.”
“Of course I do not doubt that it was an accident; nevertheless
if your study had not been accidentally burned, on the very night the
clothes were entrusted to you for earnest, patient, careful, scientific
investigation—and Yram very nearly burned too—we should
never have carried it through. See what work we had to get the
King to allow the way in which the clothes were worn to be a matter
of opinion, not dogma. What a pity it is that the clothes were
not burned before the King’s tailor had copied them.”
Hanky laughed heartily enough. “Yes,” he said,
“it was touch and go. Why, I wonder, could not the Queen
have put the clothes on a dummy that would show back from front?
As soon as it was brought into the council chamber the King jumped to
a conclusion, and we had to bundle both dummy and Yram out of the royal
presence, for neither she nor the King would budge an inch.”
Even Panky smiled. “What could we do? The common
people almost worship Yram; and so does her husband, though her fair-haired
eldest son was born barely seven months after marriage. The people
in these parts like to think that the Sunchild’s blood is in the
country, and yet they swear through thick and thin that he is the Mayor’s
duly begotten offspring—Faugh! Do you think they would have
stood his being jobbed into the rangership by any one else but Yram?”
My father’s feelings may be imagined, but I will not here interrupt
the Professors.
“Well, well,” said Hanky; “for men must rob and
women must job so long as the world goes on. I did the best I
could. The King would never have embraced Sunchildism if I had
not told him he was right; then, when satisfied that we agreed with
him, he yielded to popular prejudice and allowed the question to remain
open. One of his Royal Professors was to wear the clothes one
way, and the other the other.”
“My way of wearing them,” said Panky, “is much
the most convenient.”
“Not a bit of it,” said Hanky warmly. On this the
two Professors fell out, and the discussion grew so hot that my father
interfered by advising them not to talk so loud lest another ranger
should hear them. “You know,” he said, “there
are a good many landrail bones lying about, and it might be awkward.”
The Professors hushed at once. “By the way,” said
Panky, after a pause, “it is very strange about those footprints
in the snow. The man had evidently walked round the statues two
or three times, as though they were strange to him, and he had certainly
come from the other side.”
“It was one of the rangers,” said Hanky impatiently,
“who had gone a little beyond the statues, and come back again.”
“Then we should have seen his footprints as he went.
I am glad I measured them.”
“There is nothing in it; but what were your measurements?”
“Eleven inches by four and a half; nails on the soles; one
nail missing on the right foot and two on the left.” Then,
turning to my father quickly, he said, “My man, allow me to have
a look at your boots.”
“Nonsense, Panky, nonsense!”
Now my father by this time was wondering whether he should not set
upon these two men, kill them if he could, and make the best of his
way back, but he had still a card to play.
“Certainly, sir,” said he, “but I should tell you
that they are not my boots.”
He took off his right boot and handed it to Panky.
“Exactly so! Eleven inches by four and a half, and one
nail missing. And now, Mr. Ranger, will you be good enough to
explain how you became possessed of that boot. You need not show
me the other.” And he spoke like an examiner who was confident
that he could floor his examinee in vivâ voce.
“You know our orders,” answered my father, “you
have seen them on your permit. I met one of those foreign devils
from the other side, of whom we have had more than one lately; he came
from out of the clouds that hang higher up, and as he had no permit
and could not speak a word of our language, I gripped him, flung him,
and strangled him. Thus far I was only obeying orders, but seeing
how much better his boots were than mine, and finding that they would
fit me, I resolved to keep them. You may be sure I should not
have done so if I had known there was snow on the top of the pass.”
“He could not invent that,” said Hanky; “it is
plain he has not been up to the statues.”
Panky was staggered. “And of course,” said he ironically,
“you took nothing from this poor wretch except his boots.”
“Sir,” said my father, “I will make a clean breast
of everything. I flung his body, his clothes, and my own old boots
into the pool; but I kept his blanket, some things he used for cooking,
and some strange stuff that looks like dried leaves, as well as a small
bag of something which I believe is gold. I thought I could sell
the lot to some dealer in curiosities who would ask no questions.”
“And what, pray, have you done with all these things?”
“They are here, sir.” And as he spoke he dived
into the wood, returning with the blanket, billy, pannikin, tea, and
the little bag of nuggets, which he had kept accessible.
“This is very strange,” said Hanky, who was beginning
to be afraid of my father when he learned that he sometimes killed people.
Here the Professors talked hurriedly to one another in a tongue which
my father could not understand, but which he felt sure was the hypothetical
language of which he has spoken in his book.
Presently Hanky said to my father quite civilly, “And what,
my good man, do you propose to do with all these things? I should
tell you at once that what you take to be gold is nothing of the kind;
it is a base metal, hardly, if at all, worth more than copper.”
“I have had enough of them; to-morrow morning I shall take
them with me to the Blue Pool, and drop them into it.”
“It is a pity you should do that,” said Hanky musingly:
“the things are interesting as curiosities, and—and—and—what
will you take for them?”
“I could not do it, sir,” answered my father. “I
would not do it, no, not for—” and he named a sum equivalent
to about five pounds of our money. For he wanted Erewhonian money,
and thought it worth his while to sacrifice his ten pounds’ worth
of nuggets in order to get a supply of current coin.
Hanky tried to beat him down, assuring him that no curiosity dealer
would give half as much, and my father so far yielded as to take £4,
10s. in silver, which, as I have already explained, would not be worth
more than half a sovereign in gold. At this figure a bargain was
struck, and the Professors paid up without offering him a single Musical
Bank coin. They wanted to include the boots in the purchase, but
here my father stood out.
But he could not stand out as regards another matter, which caused
him some anxiety. Panky insisted that my father should give them
a receipt for the money, and there was an altercation between the Professors
on this point, much longer than I can here find space to give.
Hanky argued that a receipt was useless, inasmuch as it would be ruin
to my father ever to refer to the subject again. Panky, however,
was anxious, not lest my father should again claim the money, but (though
he did not say so outright) lest Hanky should claim the whole purchase
as his own. In so the end Panky, for a wonder, carried the day,
and a receipt was drawn up to the effect that the undersigned acknowledged
to have received from Professors Hanky and Panky the sum of £4,
10s. (I translate the amount), as joint purchasers of certain
pieces of yellow ore, a blanket, and sundry articles found without an
owner in the King’s preserves. This paper was dated, as
the permit had been, XIX. xii. 29.
My father, generally so ready, was at his wits’ end for a name,
and could think of none but Mr. Nosnibor’s. Happily, remembering
that this gentleman had also been called Senoj—a name common enough
in Erewhon—he signed himself “Senoj, Under-ranger.”
Panky was now satisfied. “We will put it in the bag,”
he said, “with the pieces of yellow ore.”
“Put it where you like,” said Hanky contemptuously; and
into the bag it was put.
When all was now concluded, my father laughingly said, “If
you have dealt unfairly by me, I forgive you. My motto is, ‘Forgive
us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us.’”
“Repeat those last words,” said Panky eagerly.
My father was alarmed at his manner, but thought it safer to repeat
them.
“You hear that, Hanky? I am convinced; I have not another
word to say. The man is a true Erewhonian; he has our corrupt
reading of the Sunchild’s prayer.”
“Please explain.”
“Why, can you not see?” said Panky, who was by way of
being great at conjectural emendations. “Can you not see
how impossible it is for the Sunchild, or any of the people to whom
he declared (as we now know provisionally) that he belonged, could have
made the forgiveness of his own sins depend on the readiness with which
he forgave other people? No man in his senses would dream of such
a thing. It would be asking a supposed all-powerful being not
to forgive his sins at all, or at best to forgive them imperfectly.
No; Yram got it wrong. She mistook ‘but do not’ for
‘as we.’ The sound of the words is very much alike;
the correct reading should obviously be, ‘Forgive us our trespasses,
but do not forgive them that trespass against us.’ This
makes sense, and turns an impossible prayer into one that goes straight
to the heart of every one of us.” Then, turning to my father,
he said, “You can see this, my man, can you not, as soon as it
is pointed out to you?”
My father said that he saw it now, but had always heard the words
as he had himself spoken them.
“Of course you have, my good fellow, and it is because of this
that I know they never can have reached you except from an Erewhonian
source.”
Hanky smiled,—snorted, and muttered in an undertone, “I
shall begin to think that this fellow is a foreign devil after all.”
“And now, gentlemen,” said my father, “the moon
is risen. I must be after the quails at daybreak; I will therefore
go to the ranger’s shelter” (a shelter, by the way, which
existed only in my father’s invention), “and get a couple
of hours’ sleep, so as to be both close to the quail-ground; and
fresh for running. You are so near the boundary of the preserves
that you will not want your permit further; no one will meet you, and
should any one do so, you need only give your names and say that you
have made a mistake. You will have to give it up to-morrow at
the Ranger’s office; it will save you trouble if I collect it
now, and give it up when I deliver my quails.
“As regards the curiosities, hide them as you best can outside
the limits. I recommend you to carry them at once out of the forest,
and rest beyond the limits rather than here. You can then recover
them whenever, and in whatever way, you may find convenient. But
I hope you will say nothing about any foreign devil’s having come
over on to this side. Any whisper to this effect unsettles people’s
minds, and they are too much unsettled already; hence our orders to
kill any one from over there at once, and to tell no one but the Head
Ranger. I was forced by you, gentlemen, to disobey these orders
in self-defence; I must trust your generosity to keep what I have told
you secret. I shall, of course, report it to the Head Ranger.
And now, if you think proper, you can give me up your permit.”
All this was so plausible that the Professors gave up their permit
without a word but thanks. They bundled their curiosities hurriedly
into “the poor foreign devil’s” blanket, reserving
a more careful packing till they were out of the preserves. They
wished my father a very good night, and all success with his quails
in the morning; they thanked him again for the care he had taken of
them in the matter of the landrails, and Panky even went so far as to
give him a few Musical Bank coins, which he gratefully accepted.
They then started off in the direction of Sunch’ston.
My father gathered up the remaining quails, some of which he meant
to eat in the morning, while the others he would throw away as soon
as he could find a safe place. He turned towards the mountains,
but before he had gone a dozen yards he heard a voice, which he recognised
as Panky’s, shouting after him, and saying—
“Mind you do not forget the true reading of the Sunchild’s
prayer.”
“You are an old fool,” shouted my father in English,
knowing that he could hardly be heard, still less understood, and thankful
to relieve his feelings.