Of all the places in the county "The
Towers" was the favorite with the young
people. There even before Margaret was
installed the Major kept open house with his
major domo and factotum "George Washington";
and when Margaret came from
school, of course it was popular. Only one
class of persons was excluded.
There were few people in the county who
did not know of the Major's antipathy to "old
women," as he called them. Years no more
entered into his definition of this class than
celibacy did into his idea of an "old bachelor."
The state of single blessedness continued
in the female sex beyond the bloom of
youth was in his eyes the sole basis of this
unpardonable condition. He made certain
concessions to the few individuals among his
neighbors who had remained in the state of
spinsterhood, because, as he declared, neighborliness
was a greater virtue than consistency; but
he drew the line at these few, and
it was his boast that no old woman had ever
been able to get into his Eden. "One of
them," he used to say, "would close paradise
just as readily now as Eve did six thousand
years ago." Thus, although as Margaret
grew up she had any other friends she desired
to visit her as often as she chose, her
wish being the supreme law at Rock Towers,
she had never even thought of inviting one
of the class against whom her uncle's ruddy
face was so steadfastly set. The first time
it ever occurred to her to invite any one
among the proscribed was when she asked
Rose Endicott to pay her a visit. Rose, she
knew, was living with her old aunt, Miss
Jemima Bridges, whom she had once met in
R——, and she had some apprehension that
in Miss Jemima's opinion, the condition of
the South was so much like that of the
Sandwich Islands that the old lady would not
permit Rose to come without her personal
escort. Accordingly, one evening after tea,
when the Major was in a particularly gracious
humor, and had told her several of his oldest
and best stories, Margaret fell upon him unawares,
and before he had recovered from the
shock of the encounter, had captured his consent.
Then, in order to secure the leverage
of a dispatched invitation, she had immediately
written Rose, asking her and her aunt to
come and spend a month or two with her, and
had without delay handed it to George Washington
to deliver to Lazarus to give Luke
to carry to the post-office. The next evening,
therefore, when the Major, after twenty-four
hours of serious apprehension, re-opened the
matter with a fixed determination to coax or
buy her out of the notion, because, as he used
to say, "women can't be reasoned out of a
thing, sir, not having been reasoned in," Margaret
was able to meet him with the announcement
that it was "too late," as the letter had
already been mailed.
Seated in one of the high-backed arm-chairs,
with one white hand shading her laughing
eyes from the light, and with her evening
dress daintily spread out about her, Margaret
was amused at the look of desperation on the
old gentleman's ruddy face. He squared his
round body before the fire, braced himself
with his plump legs well apart, as if he were
preparing to sustain the shock of a blow,
and taking a deep inspiration, gave a loud
and prolonged "Whew!"
This was too much for her.
Margaret rose, and, going up to him, took
his arm and looked into his face cajolingly.
"Uncle, I was bound to have Rose, and
Miss Jemima would not have let her come
alone."
The tone was the low, almost plaintive key,
the effectiveness of which Margaret knew so
well.
"'Not let her!'" The Major faced her
quickly. "Margaret, she is one of those
strong-minded women!"
Margaret nodded brightly.
"I bet my horse she wears iron-gray curls,
caught on the side of her head with tucking
combs!"
"She does," declared Margaret, her eyes
dancing.
"And has a long nose—red at the end."
"Uncle, you have seen her. I know you
have seen her," asserted Margaret, laughing
up at him. "You have her very picture."
The Major groaned, and vowed that he
would never survive it, and that Margaret
would go down to history as the slayer of
her uncle.
"I have selected my place in the graveyard,"
he said, with a mournful shake of the
head. "Put me close to the fence behind
the raspberry thicket, where I shall be secure.
Tell her there are snakes there."
"But, uncle, she is as good as gold," declared
Margaret; "she is always doing good,—I
believe she thinks it her mission to save
the world."
The Major burst out, "That's part of this
modern devilment of substituting humanitarianism
for Christianity. Next thing they'll
be wanting to abolish hell!"
The Major was so impressed with his peril
that when Jeff, who had galloped over "for a
little while," entered, announced with great
ceremony by George Washington, he poured
out all his apprehensions into his sympathetic
ear, and it was only when he began to rally
Jeff on the chance of his becoming a victim
to Miss Endicott's charms, that Margaret interfered
so far as to say, that Rose had any
number of lovers, and one of them was "an
awfully nice fellow, handsome and rich and
all that." She wished "some one" would
invite him down to pay a visit in the neighborhood,
for she was "afraid Rose would find
it dreadfully dull in the country." The
Major announced that he would himself make
love to her; but both Margaret and Jeff declared
that Providence manifestly intended
him for Miss Jemima. He then suggested
that Miss Endicott's friend be invited to come
with her, but Margaret did not think that
would do.
"What is the name of this Paragon?" inquired
Jeff.
Margaret gave his name. "Mr. Lawrence—Pickering
Lawrence."
"Why, I know him, 'Pick Lawrence.'
We were college-mates, class-mates. He used
to be in love with somebody up at his home
then; but I never identified her with your
friend. We were great cronies at the University.
He was going to be a lawyer; but
I believe somebody died and he came into a
fortune." This history did not appear to
surprise Margaret as much as might have
been expected, and she said nothing more
about him.
About a week later Jeff took occasion to
ride over to tea, and announced that his friend
Mr. Lawrence had promised to run down and
spend a few weeks with him. Margaret looked
so pleased and dwelt so much on the alleged
charms of the expected guest that Jeff, with
a pang of jealousy, suddenly asserted that he
"didn't think so much of Lawrence," that he
was one of those fellows who always pretended
to be very much in love with somebody, and
was "always changing his clothes."
"That's what girls like," said Margaret,
decisively; and this was all the thanks Jeff
received.
There was immense excitement at the
Towers next day when the visitors were expected.
The Major took twice his usual period
to dress; George Washington with a view to
steadying his nerves braced them so tight
that he had great difficulty in maintaining his
equipoise, and even Margaret herself was in
a flutter quite unusual to one so self-possessed
as she generally was. When, however, the
carriage drove up to the door, the Major,
with Margaret a little in advance, met the
visitors at the steps in all the glory of new
blue broadcloth and flowered velvet. Sir
Charles Grandison could not have been more
elegant, nor Sir Roger more gracious. Behind
him yet grander stood George—George
Washington—his master's facsimile in ebony
down to the bandanna handkerchief and the
trick of waving the right hand in a flowing
curve. It was perhaps this spectacle which
saved the Major, for Miss Jemima was so
overwhelmed by George Washington's portentous
dignity that she exhibited sufficient
humility to place the Major immediately at
his ease, and from this time Miss Jemima was
at a disadvantage, and the Major felt that he
was master of the situation.
The old lady had never been in the South
before except for a few days on the occasion
when Margaret had met her and Rose Endicott
at the hotel in R——, and she had then
seen just enough to excite her inquisitiveness.
Her natural curiosity was quite amazing. She
was desperately bent on acquiring information,
and whatever she heard she set down in
a journal, so as soon as she became sufficiently
acquainted with the Major she began to ply
him with questions. Her seat at table was at
the Major's right, and the questions which
she put to him proved so embarrassing, that
the old gentleman declared to Margaret that
if that old woman knew as much as she
wanted to know she would with her wisdom
eclipse Solomon and destroy the value of the
Scriptures. He finally hit upon an expedient.
He either traversed every proposition she
suggested, or else answered every inquiry
with a statement which was simply astounding.
She had therefore not been at the
Towers a week before she was in the possession
of facts furnished by the Major which
might have staggered credulity itself.
One of the many entries in her journal was
to the effect that, according to Major B——,
it was the custom on many plantations to shoot
a slave every year, on the ground that such
a sacrifice was generally salutary; that it was
an expiation of past derelictions and a deterrent
from repetition. And she added this
memorandum:
"The most extraordinary and revolting part
of it all is that this barbarous custom, which
might well have been supposed confined to
Dahomey, is justified by such men as Major
B—— as a pious act." She inserted this query,
"Can it be true?"
If she did not wholly believe the Major, she
did not altogether disbelieve him. She at least
was firmly convinced that it was quite possible.
She determined to inquire privately of George
Washington.
She might have inquired of one of the numerous
maids, whose useless presence embarrassed
her; but the Major foreseeing that
she might pursue her investigation in other
directions, had informed her that the rite was
guarded with the greatest care, and that it
would be as much as any one's life were worth
to divulge it. Miss Jemima, therefore, was
too loyal to expose one of her own sex to
such danger; so she was compelled to consult
George Washington, whom she believed
clever enough to take care of himself.
She accordingly watched several days for
an opportunity to see him alone, but without
success. In fact, though she was unaware of
it, George Washington had conceived for her
a most violent dislike, and carefully avoided
her. He had observed with growing suspicion
Miss Jemima's investigation of matters
relating to the estate, and her persistent pursuit
of knowledge at the table had confirmed
him in his idea that she contemplated the
capture of his master and himself.
Like his master, he had a natural antipathy
to "old women," and as the Major's threat for
years had varied between "setting him free
next morning" and giving him "a mistress
to make him walk straight," George Washington
felt that prudence demanded some
vigilance on his part.
One day, under cover of the hilarity incident
to the presence at dinner of Jeff and of
his guest, Mr. Lawrence, Miss Jemima had
pushed her inquisition even further than usual.
George Washington watched her with growing
suspicion, his head thrown back and his
eyes half closed, and so, when, just before
dinner was over, he went into the hall to see
about the fire, he, after his habit, took occasion
to express his opinion of affairs to the sundry
members of the family who looked down at
him from their dim gilt frames on the wall.
"I ain't pleased wid de way things is gwine
on heah at all," he declared, poking the fire
viciously and addressing his remark more particularly
to an old gentlemen who in ruffles
and red velvet sat with crossed legs in a high-backed
chair just over the piano. "Heah me
an' Marse Nat an' Miss Margaret been gittin'
'long all dese years easy an' peaceable, an'
Marse Jeff been comin' over sociable all de
time, an' d' ain' been no trouble nor nuttin'
till now dat ole ooman what ax mo' questions
'n a thousan' folks kin answer got to come
heah and set up to Marse Nat, an' talk to him
so he cyarn hardly eat." He rose from his
knees at the hearth, and looking the old gentleman
over the piano squarely in the face,
asserted, "She got her mine sot on bein' my
mistis, dat's what 'tis!" This relieved him
so that he returned to his occupation of
"chunking" the fire, adding, "When women
sets de mines on a thing, you jes' well gin up!"
So intent was he on relieving himself of the
burden on his mind that he did not hear the
door softly open, and did not know anyone had
entered until an enthusiastic voice behind him
exclaimed:
"Oh! what a profound observation!" George
Washington started in much confusion; for it
was Miss Jemima, who had stolen away from
the table to intercept him at his task of "fixing
the fires." She had, however, heard only
his concluding sentence, and she now advanced
with a beaming smile intended to conciliate
the old butler. George Washington
gave the hearth a final and hasty sweep, and
was retiring in a long detour around Miss
Jemima when she accosted him.
"Uncle George."
"Marm." He stopped and half turned.
"What a charming old place you have here!"
George Washington cast his eye up towards
the old gentleman in the high-backed chair, as
much as to say, "You see there? What did
I tell you?" Then he said briefly:
"Yes, 'm."
"What is its extent? How many acres are
there in it?"
George Washington positively started. He
took in several of the family in his glance of
warning.
"Well, I declare, marm, I don't know,"
he began; then it occurring to him that the
honor of the family was somehow at stake and
must be upheld, he added, "A leetle mo' 'n a
hundred thousan', marm." His exactness was
convincing. Miss Jemima threw up her hands:
"Prodigious! How many nee—how many
persons of the African blood are there on this
vast domain?" she inquired, getting nearer
to her point.
George, observing how much she was impressed,
eyed her with rising disdain:
"Does you mean niggers, m'm? 'Bout
three thousan', mum."
Another exclamation of astonishment burst
from the old lady's lips.
"If you will permit me to inquire, Uncle
George, how old are you?"
"She warn see if I kin wuck—dat's what
she's after," said George to himself, with a
confidential look at a young gentleman in a
hunting dress on the wall between two windows.
Then he said:
"Well, I declare, mum, you got me dyah.
I ixpec' I is mos ninety years ole, I reckon I'se
ol'er 'n you is—I reckon I is."
"Oh!" exclaimed Miss Jemima with a little
start as if she had pricked her finger with a
needle.
"Marse Nat kin tell you," continued
George; "if you don't know how ole you is,
all you got to do is to ax him, an' he kin tell
you—he got it all set down in a book—he
kin tell how ole you is to a day."
"Dear, how frightful!" exclaimed Miss
Jemima, just as the Major entered somewhat
hastily.
"He's a gone coon," said George Washington
through the crack of the door to the old
gentleman in ruffles, as he pulled the door
slowly to from the outside.
The Major had left the young people in the
dining-room and had come to get a book to
settle a disputed quotation. He had found
the work and was trying to read it without
the ignominy of putting on his glasses, when
Miss Jemima accosted him.
"Major, your valet appears to be a very
intelligent person."
The Major turned upon her.
"My 'valet'! Madam! I have no valet!"
"I mean your body servant, your butler"—explained
Miss Jemima. "I have been much
impressed by him."
"George!—George Washington?—you
mean George Washington! No, madam, he
has not a particle of intelligence.—He is
grossly and densely stupid. I have never in
fifty years been able to get an idea into his
head."
"Oh, dear! and I thought him so clever!
I was wondering how so intelligent a person,
so well informed, could be a slave."
The Major faced about.
"George! George Washington a slave!
Madam, you misapprehend the situation. He
is no slave. I am the slave, not only of him
but of three hundred more as arrogant and
exacting as the Czar, and as lazy as the devil!"
Miss Jemima threw up her hands in astonishment,
and the Major, who was on a favorite
theme, proceeded:
"Why, madam, the very coat on my back
belongs to that rascal George Washington,
and I do not know when he may take a fancy
to order me out of it. My soul is not my own.
He drinks my whiskey, steals my tobacco, and
takes my clothes before my face. As likely
as not he will have on this very waistcoat before
the week is out."
The Major stroked his well-filled velvet vest
caressingly, as if he already felt the pangs of
the approaching separation.
"Oh, dear! You amaze me," began Miss
Jemima.
"Yes, madam, I should be amazed myself,
except that I have stood it so long. Why, I
had once an affair with an intimate and valued
friend, Judge Carrington. You may
have heard of him, a very distinguished man!
and I was indiscreet enough to carry that
rascal George Washington to the field, thinking,
of course, that I ought to go like a gentleman,
and although the affair was arranged
after we had taken our positions, and I did
not have the pleasure of shooting at him,——"
"Good heavens!" exclaimed Miss Jemima.
"The pleasure of shooting at your friend!
Monstrous!"
"I say I did not have that pleasure," corrected
the Major, blandly; "the affair was, as
I stated, arranged without a shot; yet do you
know? that rascal George Washington will
not allow that it was so, and I understand he
recounts with the most harrowing details the
manner in which 'he and I,' as he terms it,
shot my friend—murdered him."
Miss Jemima gave an "Ugh. Horrible!
What depravity!" she said, almost under her
breath.
The Major caught the words.
"Yes, madam, it is horrible to think of such
depravity. Unquestionably he deserves death;
but what can one do! The law, kept feeble
by politicians, does not permit one to kill
them, however worthless they are (he observed
Miss Jemima's start,)—except, of
course, by way of example, under certain
peculiar circumstances, as I have stated to
you." He bowed blandly.
Miss Jemima was speechless, so he pursued.
"I have sometimes been tempted to make
a break for liberty, and have thought that if
I could once get the rascal on the field, with
my old pistols, I would settle with him
which of us is the master."
"Do you mean that you would—would
shoot him?" gasped Miss Jemima.
"Yes, madam, unless he should be too
quick for me," replied the Major, blandly,—"or
should order me from the field, which he
probably would do."
The old lady turned and hastily left the
room.
Though Miss Jemima after this regarded
the Major with renewed suspicion, and confided
to her niece that she did not feel at all
safe with him, the old gentleman was soon on
the same terms with Rose that he was on with
Margaret herself. He informed her that he
was just twenty-five his "last grass," and that
he never could, would, or should grow a year
older. He notified Jeff and his friend Mr.
Lawrence at the table that he regarded himself
as a candidate for Miss Endicott's hand,
and had "staked" the ground, and he informed
her that as soon as he could bring himself
to break an oath which he had made
twenty years before, never to address another
woman, he intended to propose to her. Rose,
who had lingered at the table a moment behind
the other ladies, assured the old fellow
that he need fear no rival, and that if he could
not muster courage to propose before she left,
as it was leap-year, she would exercise her
prerogative and propose herself. The Major,
with his hand on his heart as he held the door
open for her, vowed as Rose swept past him
her fine eyes dancing, and her face dimpling
with fun, that he was ready that moment to
throw himself at her feet if it were not for
the difficulty of getting up from his knees.
A little later in the afternoon Margaret was
down among the rose-bushes, where Lawrence
had joined her, after Rose had executed that
inexplicable feminine manœuvre of denying
herself to oppose a lover's request.
Jeff was leaning against a pillar, pretending
to talk to Rose, but listening more to the
snatches of song in Margaret's rich voice, or
to the laughter which floated up to them from
the garden below.
Suddenly he said abruptly, "I believe that
fellow Lawrence is in love with Margaret."
Rose insisted on knowing what ground he
had for so peculiar an opinion, on which he
incontinently charged his friend with being
one of "those fellows who falls in love with
every pretty girl on whom he lays his eyes,"
and declared that he had done nothing but
hang around Margaret ever since he had
come to the county.
What Rose might have replied to this unexpected
attack on one whom she reserved
for her own especial torture cannot be recorded,
for the Major suddenly appeared
around the verandah. Both the young people
instinctively straightened up.
"Ah! you rascals! I catch you!" he
cried, his face glowing with jollity. "Jeff,
you'd better look out,—honey catches a heap
of flies, and sticks mighty hard. Rose, don't
show him any mercy,—kick him, trample on
him."
"I am not honey," said Rose, with a captivating
look out of her bright eyes.
"Yes, you are. If you are not you are the
very rose from which it is distilled."
"Oh, how charming!" cried the young lady.
"How I wish some woman could hear that
said to me!"
"Don't give him credit before you hear all
his proverb," said Jeff. "Do you know what
he said in the dining-room?"
"Don't credit him at all," replied the Major.
"Don't believe him—don't listen to him.
He is green with envy at my success." And
the old fellow shook with amusement.
"What did he say? Please tell me." She
appealed to Jeff, and then as he was about to
speak, seeing the Major preparing to run, she
caught him. "No, you have to listen. Now
tell me," to Jeff again.
"Well, he said honey caught lots of flies,
and women lots of fools."
Rose fell back, and pointing her tapering
finger at the Major, who, with mock humility,
was watching her closely, declared that she
would "never believe in him again." The
old fellow met her with an unblushing denial
of ever having made such a statement or held
such traitorous sentiments, as it was, he maintained,
a well established fact that flies never
eat honey at all.
From this moment the Major conceived the
idea that Jeff had been caught by his fair visitor.
It had never occurred to him that any
one could aspire to Margaret's hand. He had
thought at one time that Jeff was in danger
of falling a victim to the charms of the pretty
daughter of an old friend and neighbor of
his, and though it appeared rather a pity for
a young fellow to fall in love "out of the
State," yet the claims of hospitality, combined
with the fact that rivalry with Mr.
Lawrence, against whom, on account of his
foppishness, he had conceived some prejudice,
promised a delightful excitement, more than
counterbalanced that objectionable feature.
He therefore immediately constituted himself
Jeff's ardent champion, and always spoke
of the latter's guest as "that fellow Lawrence."
Accordingly, when, one afternoon, on his
return from his ride, he found Jeff, who had
ridden over to tea, lounging around alone, in
a state of mind as miserable as a man should
be who, having come with the expectation of
basking in the sunshine of Beauty's smile,
finds that Beauty is out horseback riding with
a rival, he was impelled to give him aid,
countenance, and advice. He immediately
attacked him, therefore, on his forlorn and
woebegone expression, and declared that at
his age he would have long ago run the game
to earth, and have carried her home across his
saddle-bow.
"You are afraid, sir—afraid," he asserted,
hotly. "I don't know what you fellows are
coming to."
Jeff admitted the accusation. "He feared,"
he said, "that he could not get a girl to have
him." He was looking rather red when the
Major cut him short.
"'Fear,' sir! Fear catches kicks, not kisses.
'Not get a girl to have you!' Well, upon my
soul! Why don't you run after her and
bawl like a baby for her to stop, whilst you
get down on your knees and—get her to
have you!"
Jeff was too dejected to be stung even by
this unexpected attack. He merely said,
dolorously:
"Well, how the deuce can it be done?"
"Make her, sir—make her," cried the Major.
"Coerce her—compel her." The old fellow
was in his element. He shook his grizzled
head, and brought his hollowed hands together
with sounding emphasis.
Jeff suggested that perhaps she might be
impregnable, but the old fellow affirmed that
no woman was this; that no fortress was too
strong to be carried; that it all depended on
the assailant and the vehemence of the assault; and
if one did not succeed, another
would. The young man brightened. His mentor,
however, dashed his rising hopes by saying: "But
mark this, sir, no coward can
succeed. Women are rank cowards themselves,
and they demand courage in their
conquerors. Do you think a woman will
marry a man who trembles before her? By
Jove, sir! He must make her tremble!"
Jeff admitted dubiously that this sounded
like wisdom. The Major burst out, "Wisdom,
sir! It is the wisdom of Solomon, who
had a thousand wives!"
From this time the Major constituted himself
Jeff's ally, and was ready to take the
field on his behalf against any and all comers.
Therefore, when he came into the hall one
day when Rose was at the piano, running
her fingers idly over the keys, whilst Lawrence
was leaning over her talking, he exclaimed:
"Hello! what treason's this? I'll tell
Jeff. He was consulting me only yesterday
about—"
Lawrence muttered an objurgation; but
Rose wheeled around on the piano-stool and
faced him.
—"Only yesterday about the best mode
of winning—" He stopped tantalizingly.
"Of winning what? I am so interested."
She rose and stood just before him with a
cajoling air. The Major shut his mouth
tight.
"I'm as dumb as an oyster. Do you think
I would betray my friend's confidence—for
nothing? I'm as silent as the oracle of
Delphi."
Lawrence looked anxious, and Rose followed
the old man closely.
"I'll pay you anything."
"I demand payment in coin that buys
youth from age." He touched his lips, and
catching Rose leaned slowly forward and
kissed her.
"Now, tell me—what did he say? A
bargain's a bargain," she laughed as Lawrence
almost ground his teeth.
"Well, he said,—he said, let me see, what
did he say?" paltered the Major. "He said
he could not get a girl he loved to have
him."
"Oh! did he say that?" She was so much
interested that she just knew that Lawrence
half stamped his foot.
"Yes, he said just that, and I told him—"
"Well,—what did you say?"
"Oh! I did not bargain to tell what I told
him. I received payment only for betraying
his confidence. If you drive a bargain I will
drive one also."
Rose declared that he was the greatest old
screw she ever knew, but she paid the price,
and waited.
"Well?—"
"'Well?' Of course, I told him 'well.' I
gave him the best advice a man ever received.
A lawyer would have charged him five hundred
dollars for it. I'm an oracle on heart-capture."
Rose laughingly declared she would have
to consult him herself, and when the Major
told her to consult only her mirror, gave him
a courtesy and wished he would teach some
young men of her acquaintance to make such
speeches. The old fellow vowed, however,
that they were unteachable; that he would
as soon expect to teach young moles.
It was not more than a half hour after this
when George Washington came in and found
the Major standing before the long mirror,
turning around and holding his coat back
from his plump sides so as to obtain a fair
view of his ample dimensions.
"George Washington," said he.
"Suh."
"I'm afraid I'm growing a little too stout."
George Washington walked around and
looked at him with the critical gaze of a
butcher appraising a fat ox.
"Oh! nor, suh, you aint, not to say too
stout," he finally decided as the result of this
inspection, "you jis gittin' sort o' potely. Hit's
monsus becomin' to you."
"Do you think so?" The Major was manifestly
flattered. "I was apprehensive that I
might be growing a trifle fat,"—he turned
carefully around before the mirror,—"and
from a fat old man and a scrawny old
woman, Heaven deliver us, George Washington!"
"Nor, suh, you ain' got a ounce too much
meat on you," said George, reassuringly;
"how much you weigh, Marse Nat, last time
you was on de stilyards?" he inquired with
wily interest.
The Major faced him.
"George Washington, the last time I
weighed I tipped the beam at one hundred
and forty-three pounds, and I had the waist
of a girl."
He laid his fat hands with the finger tips
touching on his round sides about where the
long since reversed curves of the lamented
waist once were, and gazed at George with
comical melancholy.
"Dat's so," assented the latter, with wonted
acquiescence. "I 'members hit well, suh, dat
wuz when me and you wuz down in Gloucester
tryin' to git up spunk to co'te Miss Ailsy
Mann. Dat's mo'n thirty years ago."
The Major reflected. "It cannot be thirty
years!—thir—ty—years," he mused.
"Yes, suh, an' better, too. 'Twuz befo'
we fit de duil wid Jedge Carrington. I
know dat, 'cause dat's what we shoot him
'bout—'cause he co'te Miss Ailsy an' cut we
out."
"Damn your memory! Thirty years! I
could dance all night then—every night in
the week—and now I can hardly mount my
horse without getting the thumps."
George Washington, affected by his reminiscences,
declared that he had heard one of
the ladies saying, "just the other day," what
"a fine portly gentleman" he was.
The Major brightened.
"Did you hear that? George Washington,
if you tell me a lie I'll set you free!" It
was his most terrible threat, used only on
occasions of exceptional provocation.
George vowed that no reward could induce
him to be guilty of such an enormity,
and followed it up by so skillful an allusion
to the progressing youth of his master that
the latter swore he was right, and that he
could dance better than he could at thirty,
and to prove it executed, with extraordinary
agility for a man who rode at twenty stone,
a pas seul which made the floor rock and set
the windows and ornaments to rattling as if
there had been an earthquake. Suddenly,
with a loud "Whew," he flung himself into
an arm-chair, panting and perspiring. "It's
you, sir," he gasped—"you put me up to it."
"Nor, suh; tain me, Marse Nat—I's tellin'
you de truf," asserted George, moved to defend
himself.
"You infernal old rascal, it is you," panted
the Major, still mopping his face—"you
have been running riot so long you need
regulation—I'll tell you what I'll do—I'll
marry and give you a mistress to manage you—yes,
sir, I'll get married right away. I
know the very woman for you—she'll make
you walk chalk!"
For thirty years this had been his threat, so
George was no more alarmed than he was at
the promise of being sold, or turned loose
upon the world as a free man. He therefore
inquired solemnly,
"Marse Nat, le' me ax you one thing—you
ain' thinkin' 'bout givin' me that ole one for
a mistis is you?"
"What old one, fool?" The Major stopped
panting. George Washington denoted the
side of his head where Miss Jemima's thin
curls nestled.
"Get out of this room. Tell Dilsy to
pack your chest, I'll send you off to-morrow
morning."
George Washington blinked with the gravity
of a terrapin. It might have been obtuseness; or
it might have been silent but exquisite
enjoyment which lay beneath his black skin.
"George Washington," said the Major almost
in a whisper, "what made you think that?"
It was to George Washington's undying
credit that not a gleam flitted across his ebony
countenance as he said solemnly,
"Marse Nat, I ain say I think nuttin—I
jis ax you, Is you?—She been meckin mighty
partic'lar quiration 'bout de plantation and
how many niggers we got an' all an' I jis
spicionate she got her eye sort o' set on
you an' me, dat's all."
The Major bounced to his feet, and seizing
his hat and gloves from the table, burst out
of the room. A minute later he was shouting
for his horse in a voice which might have
been heard a mile.
Jeff laid to heart the Major's wisdom; but
when it came to acting upon it the difficulty
arose. He often wondered why his tongue
became tied and his throat grew dry when he
was in Margaret's presence these days and
even just thought of saying anything serious
to her. He had known Margaret ever since
she was a wee bit of a baby, and had often
carried her in his arms when she was a little
girl and even after she grew up to be "right
big." He had thought frequently of late that
he would be willing to die if he might but
take her in his arms. It was, therefore, with
no little disquietude that he observed what he
considered his friend's growing fancy for her.
By the time Lawrence had taken a few strolls
in the garden and a horseback ride or two
with her Jeff was satisfied that he was in love
with her, and before a week was out he was
consumed with jealousy. Margaret was not
the girl to indulge in repining on account of
her lover's unhappiness. If Jeff had had a
finger-ache, or had a drop of sorrow but
fallen in his cup her eyes would have softened
and her face would have shown how
fully she felt with him; but this—this was
different. To wring his heart was a part of
the business of her young ladyhood; it was
a healthy process from which would come
greater devotion and more loyal constancy.
Then, it was so delightful to make one whom
she liked as she did Jeff look so miserable.
Perhaps some time she would reward him—after
a long while, though. Thus, poor Jeff
spent many a wretched hour cursing his fate
and cursing Pick Lawrence. He thought he
would create a diversion by paying desperate
attention to Margaret's guest; but it resolved
itself on the first opportunity into his opening
his heart and confiding all his woes to her. In
doing this he fell into the greatest contradiction,
declaring one moment that no one suspected
that he was in love with Margaret,
and the next vowing that she had every reason
to know he adored her, as he had been in
love with her all her life. It was one afternoon
in the drawing-room. Rose, with much
sapience, assured him that no woman could
have but one reason to know it. Jeff dolefully
inquired what it was.
Rising and walking up to him she said in
a mysterious whisper,—
"Tell her."
Jeff, after insisting that he had been telling
her for years, lapsed into a declaration of
helpless perplexity. "How can I tell her
more than I have been telling her all along?"
he groaned. Rose said she would show him.
She seated herself on the sofa, spread out her
dress and placed him behind her.
"Now, do as I tell you—no, not so,—so;—now
lean over,—put your arm—no, it is not
necessary to touch me," as Jeff, with prompt
apprehension, fell into the scheme, and declared
that he was all right in a rehearsal,
and that it was only in the real drama he
failed. "Now say 'I love you.'" Jeff said
it. They were in this attitude when the door
opened suddenly and Margaret stood facing
them, her large eyes opened wider than ever.
She backed out and shut the door.
Jeff sprang up, his face very red.
Lawyers know that the actions of a man on
being charged with a crime are by no means
infallible evidence of his guilt,—but it is hard
to satisfy juries of this fact. If the juries
were composed of women perhaps it would be
impossible.
The ocular demonstration of a man's arm
around a girl's waist is difficult to explain on
more than one hypothesis.
After this Margaret treated Jeff with a
rigor which came near destroying the friendship
of a lifetime; and Jeff became so desperate
that inside of a week he had had his
first quarrel with Lawrence, who had begun
to pay very devoted attention to Margaret,
and as that young man was in no mood to
lay balm on a bruised wound, mischief might
have been done had not the Major arrived
opportunely on the scene just as the quarrel
came to a white-heat. It was in the hall one
morning. There had been a quarrel. Jeff had
just demanded satisfaction; Lawrence had just
promised to afford him this peculiar happiness,
and they were both glaring at each other, when
the Major sailed in at the door, ruddy and
smiling, and laying his hat on the table and
his riding-whip across it, declared that before
he would stand such a gloomy atmosphere as
that created by a man's glowering looks,
when there was so much sunshine just lying
around to be basked in, he would agree to be
"eternally fried in his own fat."
"Why, I had expected at least two affairs
before this," he said jovially, as he pulled off
his gloves, "and I'll be hanged if I shan't
have to court somebody myself to save the
honor of the family."
Jeff with dignity informed him that an
affair was then brewing, and Lawrence intimated
that they were both interested, when
the Major declared that he would "advise
the young lady to discard both and accept a
soberer and a wiser man." They announced
that it was a more serious affair than he had
in mind, and let fall a hint of what had
occurred. The Major for a moment looked
gravely from one to the other, and suggested
mutual explanations and retractions; but when
both young men insisted that they were quite
determined, and proposed to have a meeting
at once, he changed. He walked over to the
window and looked out for a moment. Then
turned and suddenly offered to represent both
parties. Jeff averred that such a proceeding
was outside of the Code; this the Major
gravely admitted; but declared that the affair
even to this point appeared not to have been
conducted in entire conformity with that incomparable
system of rules, and urged that as
Mr. Lawrence was a stranger and as it was
desirable to have the affair conducted with
as much secrecy and dispatch as possible, it
might be well for them to meet as soon as
convenient, and he would attend rather as a
witness than as a second. The young men assented
to this, and the Major, now thoroughly
in earnest, with much solemnity, offered the
use of his pistols, which was accepted.
In the discussion which followed, the Major
took the lead, and suggested sunset that afternoon
as a suitable time, and the grass-plat
between the garden and the graveyard as a
convenient and secluded spot. This also was
agreed to, though Lawrence's face wore a
soberer expression than had before appeared
upon it.
The Major's entire manner had changed;
his levity had suddenly given place to a
gravity most unusual to him, and instead of
his wonted jollity his face wore an expression
of the greatest seriousness. He, after a casual
glance at Lawrence, suddenly insisted that it
was necessary to exchange a cartel, and opening
his secretary, with much pomp proceeded
to write. "You see—if things were not
regular it would be butchery," he explained,
considerately, to Lawrence, who winced
slightly at the word. "I don't want to see
you murder each other," he went on in a slow
comment as he wrote, "I wish you, since you
are determined to shoot—each other—to do
it like—gentlemen." He took a new sheet.
Suddenly he began to shout,—
"George—George Washington." There
was no answer, so as he wrote on he continued
to shout at intervals, "George Washington!"
After a sufficient period had elapsed for
a servant crossing the yard to call to another,
who sent a third to summon George, and for
that functionary to take a hasty potation from
a decanter as he passed through the dining-room
at his usual stately pace, he appeared at
the door.
"Did you call, suh?" he inquired, with
that additional dignity which bespoke his recourse
to the sideboard as intelligibly as if he
had brought the decanters in his hand.
"Did I call!" cried the Major, without
looking up. "Why don't you come when
you hear me?"
George Washington steadied himself on his
feet, and assumed an aggrieved expression.
"Do you suppose I can wait for you to
drink all the whiskey in my sideboard? Are
you getting deaf-drunk as well as blind-drunk?"
he asked, still writing industriously.
George Washington gazed up at his old
master in the picture on the wall, and shook
his head sadly.
"Nor, suh, Marse Nat. You know I ain'
drink none to git drunk. I is a member o' de
church. I is full of de sperit."
The Major, as he blotted his paper, assured
him that he knew he was much fuller of it
than were his decanters, and George Washington
was protesting further, when his master
rose, and addressing Jeff as the challenger,
began to read. He had prepared a formal
cartel, and all the subsequent and consequential
documents which appear necessary to a
well-conducted and duly bloodthirsty meeting
under the duello, and he read them with
an impressiveness which was only equalled by
the portentious dignity of George Washington.
As he stood balancing himself, and took
in the solemn significance of the matter, his
whole air changed; he raised his head, struck
a new attitude, and immediately assumed the
position of one whose approval of the affair
was of the utmost moment.
The Major stated that he was glad that
they had decided to use the regular duelling
pistols, not only as they were more convenient—he
having a very fine, accurate pair—but
as they were smooth bore and carried a good,
large ball, which made a clean, pretty hole,
without tearing. "Now," he explained kindly
to Lawrence, "the ball from one of these
infernal rifled concerns goes gyrating and
tearing its way through you, and makes an
orifice like a posthole." He illustrated his
meaning with a sweeping spiral motion of his
clenched fist.
Lawrence grew a shade whiter, and wondered
how Jeff felt and looked, whilst Jeff
set his teeth more firmly as the Major added
blandly that "no gentleman wanted to blow
another to pieces like a Sepoy mutineer."
George Washington's bow of exaggerated
acquiescence drew the Major's attention to
him.
"George Washington, are my pistols
clean?" he asked.
"Yes, suh, clean as yo' shut-front," replied
George Washington, grandly.
"Well, clean them again."
"Yes, suh," and George was disappearing
with ponderous dignity, when the Major
called him, "George Washington."
"Yes, suh."
"Tell carpenter William to come to the
porch. His services may be needed," he explained
to Lawrence, "in case there should
be a casualty, you know."
"Yes, suh." George Washington disappeared.
A moment later he re-opened the
door.
"Marse Nat."
"Sir."
"Shall I send de overseer to dig de graves,
suh?"
Lawrence could not help exclaiming,
"Good——!" and then checked himself;
and Jeff gave a perceptible start.
"I will attend to that," said the Major,
and George Washington went out with an
order from Jeff to take the box to the office.
The Major laid the notes on his desk and
devoted himself to a brief eulogy on the
beautiful symmetry of "the Code," illustrating
his views by apt references to a number
of instances in which its absolute impartiality
had been established by the instant death of
both parties. He had just suggested that
perhaps the two young men might desire to
make some final arrangements, when George
Washington reappeared, drunker and more
imposing than before. In place of his ordinary
apparel he had substituted a yellowish
velvet waistcoat and a blue coat with brass
buttons, both of which were several sizes
too large for him, as they had for several
years been stretched over the Major's ample
person. He carried a well-worn beaver hat
in his hand, which he never donned except
on extraordinary occasions.
"De pistils is ready, suh," he said, in a
fine voice, which he always employed when
he proposed to be peculiarly effective. His
self-satisfaction was monumental.
"Where did you get that coat and waistcoat
from, sir?" thundered the Major. "Who
told you you might have them?"
George Washington was quite taken aback
at the unexpectedness of the assault, and he
shuffled one foot uneasily.
"Well, you see, suh," he began, vaguely,
"I know you warn' never gwine to wear 'em
no mo', and seein' dat dis was a very serious
recasion, an' I wuz rip-ripresentin' Marse Jeff
in a jewel, I thought I ought to repear like
a gent'man on dis recasion."
"You infernal rascal, didn't I tell you that
the next time you took my clothes without asking
my permission, I was going to shoot you?"
The Major faced his chair around with a
jerk, but George Washington had in the interim
recovered himself.
"Yes, suh, I remembers dat," he said, complacently,
"but dat didn't have no recose to
dese solemn recasions when I rip-ripresents a
gent'man in de Code."
"Yes, sir, it did, I had this especially in
mind," declared the Major, unblushingly—"I
gave you fair notice, and damn me! if I
don't do it too before I'm done with you—I'd
sell you to-morrow morning if it would
not be a cheat on the man who was fool
enough to buy you. My best coat and waistcoat!"—he
looked affectionately at the garments.
George Washington evidently knew the
way to soothe him—"Who ever heah de
beat of dat!" he said in a tone of mild complaint,
partly to the young men and partly to
his old master in the ruffles and velvet over
the piano, "Marse Nat, you reckon I ain' got
no better manners 'n to teck you bes' coat
and weskit! Dis heah coat and weskit nuver
did you no favor anyways—I hear Miss
Marg'ret talkin' 'bout it de fust time you
ever put 'em on. Dat's de reason I tuck
'em." Having found an excuse he was as
voluble as a river—"I say to myself, I ain'
gwine let my young marster wyar dem things
no mo' roun' heah wid strange ladies an'
gent'man stayin' in de house too,—an' I so
consarned about it, I say, 'George Wash'n'n,
you got to git dem things and wyar 'em yo'self
to keep him f'om doin' it, dat's what you
got to do,' I say, and dat's de reason I tuk
'em." He looked the picture of self-sacrifice.
But the Major burst forth on him: "Why,
you lying rascal, that's three different reasons
you have given in one breath for taking
them." At which George Washington shook
his woolly head with doleful self-abnegation.
"Just look at them!" cried the Major—"My
favorite waistcoat! There is not a
crack or a brack in them—They look as nice
as they did the day they were bought!"
This was too much for George Washington.
"Dat's the favor, suh, of de pussen what has
'em on," he said, bowing grandly; at which
the Major, finding his ire giving way to
amusement, drove him from the room, swearing
that if he did not shoot him that evening
he would set him free to-morrow morning.
As the afternoon had worn away, and
whilst the two principals in the affair were
arranging their matters, the Major had been
taking every precaution to carry out the plan
for the meeting. The effect of the approaching
duel upon the old gentleman was somewhat
remarkable. He was in unusually high
spirits; his rosy countenance wore an expression
of humorous content; and, from time to
time as he bustled about, a smile flitted across
his face, or a chuckle sounded from the depths
of his satin stock. He fell in with Miss Jemima,
and related to her a series of anecdotes
respecting duelling and homicide generally,
so lurid in their character that she groaned
over the depravity of a region where such
barbarity was practised; but when he solemnly
informed her that he felt satisfied from
the signs of the time that some one would be
shot in the neighborhood before twenty-four
hours were over, the old lady determined to
return home next day.
It was not difficult to secure secrecy, as the
Major had given directions that no one should
be admitted to the garden.
For at least an hour before sunset he had
been giving directions to George Washington
which that dignitary would have found some
difficulty in executing, even had he remained
sober; but which, in his existing condition,
was as impossible as for him to change the
kinks in his hair. The Major had solemnly
assured him that if he got drunk he would
shoot him on the spot, and George Washington
had as solemnly consented that he would
gladly die if he should be found in this
unprecedented condition. Immediately succeeding
which, however, under the weight of
the momentous matters submitted to him, he
had, after his habit, sought aid and comfort
of his old friends, the Major's decanters, and
he was shortly in that condition when he felt
that the entire universe depended upon him.
He blacked his shoes at least twenty times,
and marched back and forth in the yard with
such portentous importance that the servants
instinctively shrunk away from his august
presence. One of the children, in their frolics,
ran against him; George Washington
simply said, "Git out my way," and without
pausing in his gait or deigning to look at
him, slapped him completely over.
A maid ventured to accost him jocularly to
know why he was so finely dressed. George
Washington overwhelmed her with a look of
such infinite contempt and such withering
scorn that all the other servants forthwith
fell upon her for "interferin' in Unc' George
Wash'n'ton's business." At last the Major
entered the garden and bade George Washington
follow him; and George Washington
having paid his twentieth visit to the dining-room,
and had a final interview with the
liquor-case, and having polished up his old
beaver anew, left the office by the side door,
carrying under his arm a mahogany box about
two feet long and one foot wide, partially
covered with a large linen cloth. His beaver
hat was cocked on the side of his head, with
an air supposed to be impressive. He wore
the Major's coat and flowered velvet waistcoat
respecting which he had won so signal
a victory in the morning, and he flaunted a
large bandanna handkerchief, the ownership of
which he had transferred still more recently.
The Major's orders to George Washington
were to convey the box to the garden in a
secret manner, but George Washington was
far too much impressed with the importance
of the part he bore in the affair to lose the
opportunity of impressing the other servants.
Instead, therefore, of taking a by-path, he
marched ostentatiously through the yard with
a manner which effected his object, if not his
master's, and which struck the entire circle
of servants with inexpressible awe. However,
after he gained the garden and reached
a spot where he was no longer in danger of
being observed by any one, he adopted a manner
of the greatest secrecy, and proceeded to
the place selected for the meeting with a degree
of caution which could not have been
greater had he been covertly stealing his way
through a band of hostile Indians. The spot
chosen for the meeting was a grass plot
bounded on three sides by shrubbery and on
the fourth by the wall of the little square
within which had been laid to rest the mortal
remains of some half dozen generations of the
Burwells. Though the grass was green and
the sky above was of the deep steely hue
which the late afternoon brings; yet the thick
shrubbery which secluded the place gave it
an air of wildness, and the tops of the tall
monuments gleaming white over the old wall
against the dark cedars, added an impression
of ghostliness which had long caused the
locality to be generally avoided by the
negroes from the time that the afternoon
shadows began to lengthen.
George Washington, indeed, as he made his
way stealthily down towards the rendezvous
glanced behind him once or twice as if he
were not at all certain that some impalpable
pursuer were not following him, and he
almost jumped out of his shoes when the
Major, who had for ten minutes been pacing
up and down the grass-plat in a fume of impatience,
caught sight of him and suddenly
shouted, "Why don't you come on, you—rascal?"
As soon as George Washington recognized
that the voice was not supernatural, he recovered
his courage and at once disarmed the
Major, who, watch in hand, was demanding if
he supposed he had nothing else to do than
to wait for him all night, by falling into his
vein and acquiescing in all that he said in
abuse of the yet absent duellists, or at least
of one of them.
He spoke in terms of the severest reprobation
of Mr. Lawrence, declaring that he had
never had a high opinion of his courage, or,
indeed, of any quality which he possessed.
He was, perhaps, not quite prepared to join
in an attack on Jeff, of whose frequent benefactions
he entertained a lively recollection
amounting to gratitude, at least in the accepted
French idea of that virtue, and as he
had constituted himself Jeff's especial representative
for this "solemn recasion," he felt
a personal interest in defending him to some
extent.
At last the Major ordered him to take out
the weapons and some little time was spent
in handling them, George Washington examining
them with the air of a connoisseur.
The Major asserted that he had never seen a
prettier spot, and George Washington, immediately
striking an attitude, echoed the sentiment.
He was, indeed, so transported with
its beauty that he declared it reminded him of
the duel he and the Major fought with Judge
Carrington, which he positively declared, was
"a jewel like you been read about," and he
ended with the emphatic assertion, "Ef dese
gent'mens jes plump each urr like we did de
Judge dat evelin!—--" A wave of the hand
completed the period.
The Major turned on him with a positive
denial that he had ever even shot at the
Judge, but George Washington unblushingly
insisted that they had, and in fact had shot
him twice. "We hit him fyah an' squar'."
He levelled a pistol at a tree a few yards distant,
and striking an attitude, squinted along
the barrel with the air of an old hand at the
weapon.
The Major reiterated his statement and
recalled the fact that, as he had told him and
others a thousand times, they had shaken
hands on the spot, which George Washington
with easy adaptability admitted, but claimed
that "ef he hadn't 'a'shook hands we'd 'a'shot
him, sho! Dis here gent'man ain' gwine git
off quite so easy," he declared, having already
decided that Lawrence was to experience the
deadly accuracy of his and Jeff's aim. He
ended with an unexpected "Hic!" and gave a
little lurch, which betrayed his condition, but
immediately gathered himself together again.
The Major looked at him quizzically as he
stood pistols in hand in all the grandeur of
his assumed character. The shadow of disappointment
at the non-appearance of the duellists
which had rested on his round face, passed
away, and he suddenly asked him which way
he thought they had better stand. George
Washington twisted his head on one side and,
after striking a deliberative attitude and looking
the plat well over, gave his judgment.
"Ah—so," said the Major, and bade him
step off ten paces.
George Washington cocked his hat considerably
more to the side, and with a wave of
his hand, caught from the Major, took ten
little mincing steps; and without turning,
glanced back over his shoulder and inquired,
"Ain' dat mighty fur apart?"
The Major stated that it was necessary to
give them some chance. And this appeared
to satisfy him, for he admitted, "Yas, suh,
dat's so, dee 'bleeged to have a chance," and
immediately marked a point a yard or more
short of that to which he had stepped.
The Major then announced that he would
load the pistols without waiting for the advent
of the other gentlemen, as he "represented
both of them."
This was too much for so accomplished an
adept at the Code as George Washington,
and he immediately asserted that such a
thing was preposterous, asking with some
scorn, as he strutted up and down, "Who
ever heah o' one gent'man ripresentin' two
in a jewel, Marse Nat?"
The Major bowed politely. "I was afraid
it was a little incompatible," he said.
"Of cose it's incomfatible," said George
Washington. "I ripresents one and you de
t'urr. Dat's de way! I ripresents Marse Jeff.
I know he ain' gwine fly de track. I done
know him from a little lad. Dat urr gent'man
I ain' know nuttin tall about. You ripresents
him." He waved his hand in scorn.
"Ah!" said the Major, as he set laboriously
about loading the pistols, handling the
balls somewhat ostentatiously.
George Washington asserted, "I b'lieve I
know mo' 'bout the Code 'n you does, Marse
Nat."
The Major looked at him quizzically as he
rammed the ball down hard. He was so skilful
that George at length added condescendingly,
"But I see you ain' forgit how to handle
dese things."
The Major modestly admitted, as he put
on a cap, that he used to be a pretty fair shot,
and George Washington in an attitude as
declarative of his pride in the occasion as his
inebriated state admitted, was looking on
with an expression of supreme complacency,
when the Major levelled the weapon and
sighted along its barrel. George Washington
gave a jump which sent his cherished
beaver bouncing twenty feet.
"Look out, Marse Nat! Don' handle dat
thing so keerless, please, suh."
The Major explained that he was just trying
its weight, and declared that it "came up
beautifully;" to which George Washington
after he had regained his damaged helmet
assented with a somewhat unsteady voice.
The Major looked at his watch and up at the
trees, the tops of which were still brightened
with the reflection from the sunset sky, and
muttered an objurgation at the failure of the
principals to appear, vowing that he never
before knew of a similar case, and that at
least he had not expected Jeff to fail to come
to time. George Washington again proudly
announced that he represented Jeff and that
it was "that urr gent'man what had done fly
de track, that urr gent'man what you ripresents,
Marse Nat." He spoke with unveiled
contempt.
The Major suddenly turned on him.
"George Washington!"
"Suh!" He faced him.
"If my principal fails to appear, I must
take his place. The rule is, the second takes
the place of his non-appearing principal."
"In cose dat's de rule," declared George
Washington as if it were his own suggestion;
"de secon' tecks de place o' de non-repearin'
sprinciple, and dat's what mecks me say what
I does, dat man is done run away, suh, dat's
what's de motter wid him. He's jes' natchelly
skeered. He couldn' face dem things,
suh." He nodded towards the pistols, his
thumbs stuck in the armholes of his flowered
velvet vest. As the Major bowed George
Washington continued with a hiccough, "He
ain' like we gent'mens whar's ust to 'em an'
don' mine 'em no mo' 'n pop-crackers."
"George Washington," said the Major, solemnly,
with his eyes set on George Washington's
velvet waistcoat, "take your choice of
these pistols."
The old duellist made his choice with due
deliberation. The Major indicated with a
wave of his hand one of the spots which
George had marked for the expected duellists.
"Take your stand there, sir." George
Washington marched grandly up and planted
himself with overwhelming dignity, whilst
the Major, with the other pistol in his hand,
quietly took his stand at the other position,
facing him.
"George," he said, "George Washington."
"Suh." George Washington was never so
imposing.
"My principal, Mr. Pickering Lawrence,
having failed to appear at the designated
time and place to meet his engagement with
Mr. Jefferson Lewis, I, as his second and representative,
offer myself to take his place and
assume any and all of his obligations."
George Washington bowed grandly.
"Yes, suh, of cose,—dat is accordin' to de
Code," he said with solemnity befitting the
occasion.
The Major proceeded.
"And your principal, Mr. Jefferson Lewis,
having likewise failed to appear at the proper
time, you take his place."
"Suh," ejaculated George Washington, in
sudden astonishment, turning his head slightly
as if he were not certain he had heard correctly,
"Marse Nat, jis say dat agin, please, suh?"
The Major elevated his voice and advanced
his pistol slightly.
"I say, your principal, Mr. Jefferson Lewis,
having in like manner failed to put in his appearance
at the time and place agreed on for
the meeting, you as his representative take
his place and assume all his obligations."
"Oh! nor, suh, I don't!" exclaimed George
Washington, shaking his head so violently
that the demoralized beaver fell off again and
rolled around unheeded. "I ain' bargain for
no sich thing as dat. Nor, suh!"
But the Major was obdurate.
"Yes, sir, you do. When you accept the
position of second, you assume all the obligations
attaching to that position, and——" the
Major advanced his pistol—"I shall shoot at
you."
George Washington took a step towards
him. "Oh! goodness! Marse Nat, you ain'
gwine do nuttin like dat, is you!" His jaw
had fallen, and when the Major bowed with
deep solemnity and replied, "Yes, sir, and you
can shoot at me," he burst out.
"Marse Nat, I don' warn' shoot at you.
What I warn' shoot at you for? I ain' got
nuttin 'ginst you on de fatal uth. You been
good master to me all my days an'——" The
Major cut short this sincere tribute to his virtues,
by saying: "Very well, you can shoot
or not as you please. I shall aim at that
waistcoat." He raised his pistol and partially
closed one eye. George Washington
dropped on his knees.
"Oh, Marse Nat, please, suh. What you
want to shoot me for? Po' ole good-fornuttin
George Washington, whar ain' nuver
done you no harm" (the Major's eye glanced
over his blue coat and flowered vest; George
saw it), "but jes steal you' whiskey an' you'
clo'es an'—Marse Nat, ef you le' me off dis
time I oon nuver steal no mo' o' you' clo'es,
er you' whiskey, er nuttin. Marse Nat, you
wouldn' shoot po' ole good-for-nuttin George
Washington, whar fotch' up wid you?"
"Yes, sir, I would," declared the Major,
sternly. "I am going to give the word, and—"
he raised the pistol once more.
George Washington began to creep toward
him. "Oh, Lordy! Marse Nat, please, suh,
don' pint dat thing at me dat away—hit's
loaded! Oh, Lordy!" he shouted. The
Major brandished his weapon fiercely.
"Stand up, sir, and stop that noise—one—two—three,"
he counted, but George
Washington was flat on the ground.
"Oh, Marse Nat, please, suh, don't. I'se
feared o' dem things." A sudden idea struck
him. "Marse Nat, you is about to loss a
mighty valuable nigger," he pleaded; but the
Major simply shouted to him to stand up and
not disgrace the gentleman he represented.
George Washington seized on the word; it
was his final hope.
"Marse Nat, I don't ripresent nobody, suh,
nobody at all, suh. I ain' nuttin but a good-for-nuttin,
wuthless nigger, whar brung de
box down heah cuz you tole me to, suh, dat's
all. An' I'll teck off you' coat an' weskit dis
minit ef you'll jis le' me git up off de groun',
suh." Jeff suddenly appeared. George lay
spraddled out on the ground as flat as a field
lark, but at Jeff's appearance, he sprang behind
him. Jeff, in amazement, was inquiring
the meaning of all the noise he had heard,
when Lawrence appeared on the scene. The
Major explained briefly.
"It was that redoubtable champion bellowing.
As our principals failed to appear on
time, he being an upholder of the Code, suggested
that we were bound to take the places
respectively of those we represented——"
"Nor, suh, I don' ripresent nobody," interrupted
George Washington; but at a look
from the Major he dodged again behind Jeff.
The Major, with his eye on Lawrence, said:
"Well, gentlemen, let's to business. We
have but a few minutes of daylight left. I
presume you are ready?"
Both gentlemen bowed, and the Major proceeded
to explain that he had loaded both
pistols himself with precisely similar charges,
and that they were identical in trigger, sight,
drift, and weight, and had been tested on a
number of occasions, when they had proved
to be "excellent weapons and remarkably accurate
in their fire." The young men bowed
silently; but when he turned suddenly and
called "George Washington," that individual
nearly jumped out of his coat. The Major
ordered him to measure ten paces, which,
after first giving notice that he "didn't ripresent
nobody," he proceeded to do, taking a
dozen or more gigantic strides, and hastily
retired again behind the safe bulwark of Jeff's
back. As he stood there in his shrunken condition,
he about as much resembled the pompous
and arrogant duellist of a half-hour
previous as a wet and bedraggled turkey does
the strutting, gobbling cock of the flock.
The Major, with an objurgation at him for
stepping "as if he had on seven league boots,"
stepped off the distance himself, explaining
to Lawrence that ten paces was about the
best distance, as it was sufficiently distant to
"avoid the unpleasantness of letting a gentleman
feel that he was within touching distance,"
and yet "near enough to avoid
useless mutilation."
Taking out a coin, he announced that he
would toss up for the choice of position, or
rather would make a "disinterested person"
do so, and, holding out his hand, he called
George Washington to toss it up. There was
no response until the Major shouted, "George
Washington, where are you—you rascal!"
"Heah me, suh," said George Washington,
in a quavering voice, rising from the ground,
where he had thrown himself to avoid any
stray bullets, and coming slowly forward,
with a pitiful, "Please, suh, don' p'int dat
thing dis away."
The Major gave him the coin, with an order
to toss it up, in a tone so sharp that it made
him jump; and he began to turn it over nervously
in his hand, which was raised a little
above his shoulder. In his manipulation it
slipped out of his hand and disappeared.
George Washington in a dazed way looked
in his hand, and then on the ground. "Hi!
whar' hit?" he muttered, getting down on
his knees and searching in the grass. "Dis
heah place is evil-sperited."
The Major called to him to hurry up, but
he was too intent on solving the problem of
the mysterious disappearance of the quarter.
"I ain' nuver like dis graveyard bein' right
heah," he murmured. "Marse Nat, don' you
have no mo' to do wid dis thing."
The Major's patience was giving out.
"George Washington, you rascal!" he
shouted, "do you think I can wait all night
for you to pull up all the grass in the garden?
Take the quarter out of your pocket, sir!"
"'Tain' in my pocket, suh," quavered
George Washington, feeling there instinctively,
however, when the coin slipped down
his sleeve into his hand again. This was too
much for him. "Hi! befo' de king," he exclaimed,
"how it git in my pocket? Oh,
Marster! de devil is 'bout heah, sho'! Marse
Nat, you fling it up, suh. I ain' nuttin but a
po' sinful nigger. Oh, Lordy!" And handing
over the quarter tremulously, George
Washington flung himself flat on the ground
and, as a sort of religious incantation, began
to chant in a wild, quavering tone the funeral
hymn:
"Hark! from the tombs a doleful sound."
The Major tossed up and posted the duellists,
and with much solemnity handed them
the pistols, which both the two young men
received quietly. They were pale, but perfectly
steady. The Major then asked them,
"Gentlemen, are you ready?" whilst at the
ominous sound George Washington's voice in
tremulous falsetto, struck in,
"Ye-ee—so-ons off meenn co-ome view-ew the-ee groun',
Wher-ere you-ou m—uss' shor-ort-ly lie."
They announced themselves ready just as
George Washington, looking up from the
ground, where he, like the "so-ons off meenn,"
was lying, discovered that he was not more
than thirty yards out of the line of aim, and
with a muttered "Lordy!" began to crawl
away.
There was a confused murmur from the
direction of the path which led to the house,
and the Major shouted, "Fire—one—two—three."
Both young men, facing each other and looking
steadily in each other's eyes, with simultaneous
action fired their pistols into the air.
At the report a series of shrieks rang out
from the shrubbery towards the house, whilst
George Washington gave a wild yell and
began to kick like a wounded bull, bellowing
that he was "killed—killed."
The Major had just walked up to the duellists,
and, relieving them of their weapons,
had with a comprehensive wave of the hand
congratulated them on their courage and
urged them to shake hands, which they were
in the act of doing, when the shrubbery
parted and Margaret, followed closely by
Rose and by Miss Jemima panting behind,
rushed in upon them, crying at the tops of
their voices, "Stop! Stop!"
The two young ladies addressed themselves
respectively to Jeff and Lawrence, and both
were employing all their eloquence when Miss
Jemima appeared. Her eye caught the prostrate
form of George Washington, who lay
flat on his face kicking and groaning at intervals.
She pounced upon the Major with so
much vehemence that he was almost carried
away by the sudden onset.
"Oh! You wretch! What have you
done?" she panted, scarcely able to articulate.
"Done, madam?" asked the Major, gravely.
"Yes; what have you done to that poor
miserable creature—there!" She actually
seized the Major and whirled him around
with one hand, whilst with the other she
pointed at the prostrate and now motionless
George Washington.
"What have I been doing with him?"
"Yes, with him. Have you been carrying
out your barbarous rite on his inoffensive
person!" she gasped.
The Major's eye lit up.
"Yes, madam," he said, taking up one of
the pistols, "and I rejoice that you are here
to witness its successful termination. George
Washington has been selected as the victim
this year; his monstrous lies, his habitual
drunken worthlessness, his roguery, culminating
in the open theft to-day of my best coat
and waistcoat, marked him naturally as the
proper sacrifice. I had not the heart to cheat
any one by selling him to him. I was therefore
constrained to shoot him. He was, with
his usual triflingness, not killed at the first
fire, although he appears to be dead. I will
now finish him by putting a ball into his
back; observe the shot." He advanced, and
cocking the pistol, "click—click," stuck it
carefully in the middle of George Washington's
fat back. Miss Jemima gave a piercing
shriek and flung herself on the Major to seize
the pistol; but she might have spared herself;
for George Washington suddenly bounded
from the ground and, with one glance at the
levelled weapon, rushed crashing through
the shrubbery, followed by the laughter of
the young people, the shrieks of Miss Jemima,
and the shouts of the Major for him
to come back and let him kill him.
That evening, when Margaret, seated on
the Major's knee, was rummaging in his vest
pockets for any loose change which might be
there (which by immemorial custom belonged
to her), she suddenly pulled out two large,
round bullets. The Major seized them; but
it was too late. When, however, he finally
obtained possession of them he presented
them to Miss Jemima, and solemnly requested
her to preserve them as mementoes of George
Washington's miraculous escape.