Some people seem to have the privilege of
being as rude and ill-mannered as they please.
They are generally to be found among those
whose superior share of this world's goods enables
them to lord it over the little circle in which they
move.
They may be compared to bumble-bees that rarely
sting, and only upon provocation. Ordinarily, they
are very harmless, and for my part I much prefer a
bumble-bee to the dainty and delicate mosquitoes
that look so innocent, as they smilingly perforate the
epidermis of a fellow-creature with a thousand little
stabs.
"The Admiral" was a big bumble-bee. As a
young officer in the navy he had been a reckless
blade, and, having gained the rank of lieutenant,
was obliged to leave the service for some piece of
insubordination. He then entered the navy of a
minor eastern power, where his dominant qualities of
impudence and unscrupulousness were appreciated to
such a degree that he rose to the rank of Admiral.
Hence the title. It was stated that he "flogged
niggers and shot down cannibals," without the
formality of trial by jury—or indeed any formality
at all.
Thanks to the Admiral's zeal, the two gunboats
which constituted the navy in question were kept in
excellent order, but as the four guns of the combined
fleet enabled him to command the capital, including
the government, he became a trifle over-bearing.
One day, when the King came on board to pay a
visit of inspection, with his two wives, the Admiral
declared that he would keep the younger lady for
himself, a wife being one of the items lacking in the
inventory on board. The King, as a good husband,
naturally declined to entertain the idea. Had it been
the elder of the two, the matter might perhaps have
been discussed, but as the Admiral stubbornly insisted
on taking the younger, the parties exchanged words,
and, ultimately, blows. This stage having been reached,
the Admiral took his sovereign by the scruff of the
neck, and his queen by the stern, and heaved the
pair of them overboard. Fortunately the gunboat
was not far off shore, and their majesties, who could
swim like fishes, made straight for land. But the waters
thereabouts are infested with sharks, and they were
forced to put on full speed to escape with their lives.
The Admiral and the younger consort stood on the
deck of the gunboat, watching the august swimmers
with interest through a glass.
The King, having scrambled ashore, stalked solemnly
up to his palm-shack palace, clenched his fist and shook
it violently at the Admiral, vociferating "schandalous."
This was a word he had learned from a German Jew,
who traded in glass beads, and adorned his notepaper
and visiting-cards with the inscription:
"By Royal Warrant to His Majesty the King of
Zumba-Lumba."
Now the King knew nothing of revolution, not even
the name, and there was not a bolshevik to be found
in all his dominions. Nevertheless, he felt instinctively
that the Admiral's behaviour was an outrage against
the supreme authority vested in himself by right
divine.
But what could he do against the Admiral and his
four guns? Of the four hundred warriors that composed
his army, only about half were armed with
muskets of an ancient type, procured by the Admiral
himself in days gone by. And the ammunition
amounted to practically nil, the Admiral having been
far-sighted enough to store most of the cartridges on
board the gunboats, serving out a small allowance
now and then to the King and his army, wherewith
to keep lions and tigers at a respectful distance from
the huts of the capital.
The King thought over the matter for quite a while,
and at last sent for one of his numerous brothers-in-law.
Here, as in other kingdoms, the family relationship
was a most useful factor, providing a kind of
mutual insurance in support of the throne.
His Majesty's kinsman, then, was appointed Envoy
Extraordinary and Minister Plenipotentiary, and instructed
to proceed, in that capacity, to the neighbouring
territory of Hampa-Denga, and inform the
British Resident there that His Majesty the King of
Zumba-Lumba wished to place himself under British
protectorate at once.
One morning, a few days later, the Admiral lay in
his hammock on deck, H.M.'s late consort in another
hammock at his side, fanning him with a palm-branch.
He was in the best of spirits, refreshed alike by his
morning bath and an excellent breakfast. The
parrots were chattering noisily in the great fragrant
agaves on shore, birds of paradise rocked on the
topmost crests of the palms, with impertinent young
monkeys vainly trying to tweak their tails. The
ex-queen chewed betel and smiled at him, and he, in
return, tickled the soles of her feet till she screamed.
It was a perfect little idyll; a very paradise.
Neither of the pair noticed anything unusual until
suddenly a young English officer appeared on deck.
He had come, it appeared, to deliver a dispatch to
the Officer Commanding the Fleet. And this is how
it ran:
"Sir,—Pursuant to negotiations with His Majesty
the King of Zumba-Lumba, I have the honour to
inform you that His Majesty has this day placed
himself under British protectorate.
"Accordingly, the Zumba-Lumba navy will henceforward
be under the Administration of the Governor
at Hampa-Denga and the naval station there.
"The bearer of this, Sub-Lieutenant Algernon Smith,
is deputed to take over for the present the command of
the Zumba-Lumba Fleet.—I have the honour to be,
Sir, your obedient servant,
"C. W. Melville St. Patrick, C.B., R.N.
"H.B.M.S. Cyclope, 6th February 1873."
The Admiral's first impulse was to take this young
spark by the collar and throw him overboard, as he
had done a day or so before with His Majesty and his
wife. But on glancing over the side, he perceived,
under shelter of a small island, the white painted hull
of H.M.S. Cyclope, and thought better of it; instead,
he turned to the bearer of the letter, and, with kindly
condescension, invited him to come below and have a
drink.
Whereupon they descended to the cabin, where the
Admiral initiated his young colleague into the maritime
affairs of the Zumba-Lumba.
Then the Admiral packed up his things.
He regretted that he had not a visiting-card, not
even a photograph to give his successor, but handed
over instead the younger wife of his late master as a
trifling souvenir.
On reaching the deck, to his indescribable annoyance
he perceived the King, with his brother-in-law,
his four hundred warriors, and the elder wife, standing
on the shore, slapping their stomachs, the superlative
expression of mischievous delight in those parts.
The foregoing brief narrative is to be taken as a
truthful and dispassionate account of the manner in
which the Admiral attained his title and dignity.
The remainder of his doings during his sojourn
abroad, before he returned to settle down in his native
town on the coast, is soon told.
The Admiral was not a man to be long idle, and, as
a sailor, he could always find a way. He captained
vessels for Chinese and Japanese owners, both sail
and steam. He started a fleet of tugs at Tientsin,
and obtained a concession for dredging the harbour
of Shanghai, with a host of other things, making a
very considerable fortune out of the whole.
Then he turned his steps towards home, and purchased
the house of his fathers on the hill just above
the Custom House.
He dismantled the old place almost entirely of its
furniture, and had it fitted up according to his own
ideas, as a sort of bungalow.
There were weapons all over the place; spears,
bows and arrows, pistols and guns of all sorts. Pot-bellied
idols smirked in every corner; lion and tiger
skins were spread on the floor. But the drawing-room
on the ground floor and the office in the side
wing, that had been his father's in the old days, he
left untouched. He even went so far as to have the
successive layers of wallpaper, that in course of years
had been hung one over another, carefully removed
one by one until he came to the identical one that had
adorned the place when he was a little lad and his
mother and father were still alive. Then he went
about all over the town, trying to buy up the old pieces
of furniture that had been sold and scattered about
thirty or forty years before. He went far up into one
of the outlying villages to get hold of one particular
birchwood cabinet which he had learned was to be
found there. He also managed to unearth his father's
old writing-desk, and had it set up in its old place in
the "office." And at last he really succeeded in
restoring the two rooms almost completely to their
former state. Then and not till then was he satisfied,
and began, as it were, to live his life over again.
The Admiral was now a man about sixty. A giant
of a man to look at, with hands and arms of an athlete
and well proportioned.
He had a big, curved nose, a trifle over large, perhaps.
And the eyes that shone out from beneath the
great bushy brows were not of the sort that give way.
His whole face bore the stamp of unscrupulous firmness,
softened a little, however, by the heavy whiskers
generally affected by naval officers in those days, and
which in his case were now perfectly white.
When the Admiral came home he brought with him
a little girl twelve years old. A queer little creature
she was, with somewhat darker skin than we are
accustomed to see, and brilliant black eyes.
"My daughter," said the Admiral, and that was all
the information to be obtained from that quarter.
It was generally surmised that she must be the offspring
of his alliance with the young Queen of Zumba-Lumba,
who had, as we know, been on board the gunboat;
ergo, she was of royal blood. And the whole
town accordingly styled her simply "The Princess."
As to whether he had contracted other alliances
elsewhere none could say, for the old servant, or lady
companion, whom he had brought with him from
abroad, was dumb as a door-post when the talk
turned in that direction.
She was English and somewhat over fifty. Miss
Jenkins was her name, but the Admiral invariably
called her "Missa." Missa was the only person who
ever ventured to oppose him. Now and then the pair of
them might be heard arguing hotly, always in English,
till at last he would shout at her: "Mind your own
business, please!" This was his stock phrase for
terminating an argument when he did not care to
discuss the matter further.
The Princess was to be confirmed. And there was
a great to-do in view of the event.
The parson, naturally enough, requested the usual
particulars—parents' names, place of birth, date,
certificate of vaccination, etc. The whole town was
curious now, and great excitement prevailed; at last
the mystery would be solved. The parson had to go
down to the Admiral himself, and inform him, as
politely as possible, that the law required compliance
with certain formalities; an especially important
point was that the names of both father and mother
should be correctly stated.
"She has no mother," the Admiral categorically
declared.
"But, my dear Admiral, she must have had a
mother. In the ordinary course of nature...."
"The course of nature's extraordinary where she
comes from."
"But you must have been married, surely?"
The Admiral glared, and his bushy brows contracted.
"Who?"
"You."
"I?" The Admiral chuckled.
"Yes," said the parson, lowering his voice a little;
he was beginning to feel a trifle uncomfortable.
"Oh, in the tropics, you know, there are no such
formalities."
"But surely that's immoral?"
"We don't know the word in those parts." And
the Admiral rose to his feet.
The parson plucked up courage and said quietly:
"But you yourself were a Christian, Admiral, were
you not?"
"Mind your own business, please," answered the
Admiral, at the same time opening the door politely,
that the parson might slip out. The latter also
availed himself of the chance; he was not without a
certain uneasy feeling that if he failed to do so now,
his exit might take a less peaceable form.
How the question was finally settled the writer
cannot say; the fact remains that the town was no
wiser than before.
The Princess was confirmed, and received into
the best society of the town, as one of themselves.
She was slender and finely built, with a pretty face
and charming eyes. The only thing that marked
her as different from the other girls was the yellowish-brown
of her skin, and even this seemed to be growing
fainter as the years went by.
As to her antecedents, she herself never referred to
the subject, and no one was ever indelicate enough
to ask her.
Altogether, then, matters were going very well indeed,
both for the Admiral and the Princess. He
began to feel at home in his old town, and did not
regret having settled down there.
And the townsfolk, for the most part, gradually got
used to the rough old fellow and his ways, though there
were still a few who declared they could not "abide"
him.
Consul Endresen, for instance, and Henry B.
Karsten the ship-chandler were not accustomed to
be treated with such utter disregard by a so-called
"Admiral."
Admiral indeed! Ha, ha! The whole thing was
a farce. The old humbug; he was no more an
admiral than Ferryman Arne. They turned up their
noses at him, but kept their distance all the same, with
an instinctive feeling that he might literally go so far
as to take them by the scruff of the neck if he felt like it.
The two firms were old-established and respected
in the place, having occupied a leading position in the
commercial life of the town for generations, by reason
of their wealth, superior education and incontestable
ability. And in consequence neither felt at home elsewhere
than in their native place, where they were used
to play first fiddle generally. There was no competition
between the two; they were wise enough to
realise that any such conflicting element might easily
destroy the lead their fathers had established.
But they would not suffer any outsider to intrude
on their domains, whether in business or in social life;
here they shared in common an undisputed supremacy.
The young Karstens and Endresens were brought
up according to the principles of their respective
dynasties, and were sent abroad for their commercial
education, that they might be properly fitted for the
distinguished position they would be called to fill.
Skipper Hansen and Blacksmith Olsen's offspring
found it was no easy matter to compete with them.
Wealth, however, was the only thing they really
respected at heart, the old as well as the younger
generation.
They would devote themselves several times a week
to calculating how much the other notables might be
worth, and were ill pleased that anyone should be
better off than themselves.
It was even said that old Karsten took to his bed
out of sheer envy on hearing that someone else had
made a heap of money.
Endresen was wilier and rarely showed his feelings,
but it was a well-known fact that he would be irritable
and unreasonable when he heard of others making a
successful deal. The clerks in his office said so.
Then came the sudden appearance of the Admiral
in their midst. At first they did not understand this
brutal and domineering force. The old Karstens
themselves had been accounted proud and haughty
enough—though perhaps not exactly brutal; but
they were, as we have said, of a privileged caste.
But this so-called Admiral, what was he? A scion
of the town, it is true, inasmuch as he was a son of the
old shipbroker who had formerly occupied the house
now purchased by the newcomer. But he, the father,
that is, had been no more than a "measly broker,"
who had just managed to scrape some sort of a livelihood
together by fixing contracts for the vessels owned
by Endresens and selling coal to the Karstens' factories.
The Admiral himself, however, was evidently rich,
a man of unbounded wealth, indeed, and enough to
buy up Endresen's and Karsten's together. His
Income Tax Return spoke plainly in plain figures;
no farce about that! The fact was there, and could
not be ignored; an abominable thing, but none the
less true. There was nothing for it but to give him
his title of Admiral, and with a serious face. Had it
been some poor devil without means, they would have
jeered him out of the place.
When the Admiral came striding up the main
street, a stout, imposing figure, even Henry B. Karsten
himself had to make way. He would wave one hand
in salutation and say "Morning!" in English, using
the same form of greeting to all, with the sole exception
of Arne the Ferryman, who was always
honoured with a shake of the hand.
But the Princess fluttered about the place like a
dainty little butterfly. Old Missa looked after her as
well as she could, and never lost sight of her if she
could help it. But the Princess seemed to have wings!
She would manage somehow or other to vanish in a
moment: presto! gone! And there was Missa left
behind in despair.
She would soon come fluttering back again, however,
smiling and irresistible as ever, and throw her arms
round Missa's neck and beg to be forgiven.
The Admiral grumbled and swore he would "put
the youngster in irons" if she did not keep to the
house; but the youngster only laughed, perched herself
on the Admiral's knee, and pulled his long white
whiskers; and then he might fall to dreaming ...
dreaming of distant lands, of moonlight nights beneath
the palms and agaves, long and long ago.
He fussed and grumbled and stamped about the
house, calling Missa a lumbering old mud-barge that
couldn't keep a proper look-out; but the Princess
fluttered on as before, entirely undismayed.
There was to be a grand festival in the town,
a charity entertainment in aid of the Children's Home.
All the young people of the town were to assist.
There was to be a theatrical performance, and an
exhibition of dancing on the stage. Young Endresen
and Karsten junior, of course, took a leading part in
the arrangements; "for a charitable object," they
could do no less. It was generally understood, however,
that the real object of both young gentlemen
was to see something of the Princess.
The two heirs-apparent waged a violent struggle
for the Princess's favour. True, they had been duly
instructed by their respective fathers, as these by
their respective fathers before them, in the principle
that "the house of Endresen" or "the house of
Karsten" expected every son to do his duty—i.e. not
to marry beneath his rank, and also, to "consolidate
the standing of the firm," as it was conveniently put.
As regards the question of rank, this was, in the present
instance, a somewhat debatable one, but the question
of consolidation was plain as could be wished. Here
was a considerable fortune to be gained for the town,
and thus for one of the two firms. It was certainly
worth a struggle.
The Admiral had grumbled and stormed for a
whole week before consenting to the Princess participating
in the affair.
The Princess was to dance—a dance she had composed
herself.
There was great excitement; the local theatre
was crammed. The leading notabilities of the place
had booked up all the stalls at more than twice the
usual prices. Everyone who could get about at all
was present. Even old Endresen, who generally
affected to despise all such theatrical tomfoolery, had
found a seat in the front row, and confided to his
next-door neighbour that he had seen "Pepita" dance
in Paris—had even thrown her a bouquet—"but I
was very young, then, I must say," he added, with a
smile.
Old folk in the town still told the story of how
Endresen, as a young man, had led a gay life in Paris;
a life so gay, and so expensive, that the Endresen
senior of the period had promptly ordered him to
come back home at once. "And he's turned out a
real good man for all that," they would hasten to
add.
The theatrical performance went off quite successfully,
but without arousing any great amount of
enthusiasm. There was applause, of course, and the
principal actors had to appear before the curtain;
the leading lady was duly praised for her interpretation.
But it was the Princess all were waiting for.
At last the curtain rose. The scenery was ordinary
enough: a "woodland scene," with the usual trees
and a pale moon painted on the background. It was
the standard setting, as used for classical tragedy,
vaudeville and, in fact, almost anything.
Enter the Princess, daintily as if on wings. She
wore a long white robe, that moved in graceful waves
about her slender figure; diamonds shone and
glittered in her hair. No one present had ever seen
such stones, and young Endresen swore they were
genuine. She wore a row of pearls too round her
neck, and heavy gold rings about her bare
ankles.
The spectators seemed literally to hold their breath
with every nerve on the strain. The little figure up
there was like a vision; her feet hardly touched the
floor.
First, she glided softly across the stage, her white
robe rising and falling like the gentle swell of the sea
on a summer's day, then faster and faster. She
whirled round, bent right down to the ground, and
fell in a heap, only to spring up again in a moment
and whirl round again at a furious pace.
The public was simply spell-bound. No one had
ever seen, ever dreamed of such a sight.
Her great black eyes shone towards them, while
that queer smile played about her mouth; she seemed
to move in a world of her own. The dusty old
scenery faded into nothingness; they saw but the
girl herself, and sat staring, enchanted, hypnotised.
Gone! It was over. The curtain fell, and a silence
as in church reigned for some seconds after; the
spectators were getting their breath again, so to
speak. Then something unusual happened. Old
Endresen rose to his feet, clapped his hands and
cried: "Encore, encore!"
Forgotten were his seventy years, his dignity,
everything; he was young again, young and infatuated
as he had been in Paris half a century before,
when he joined in the cry of the thousands shouting,
"Vive Pepita, vive l'Espagne!"
At last the general enthusiasm found vent in shouts
of applause like the roar of a bursting dam. Handkerchiefs
were waved; all rose to their feet.
Then once more she glided in across the stage.
Again an outburst of delighted applause.
One young man in particular seemed intent on
outdoing all the rest—a fair-haired little fellow with
a snub nose and pince-nez.
He sat in the stage box, and his shrill voice could
be heard all over the theatre as he cried in unmistakable
west coast dialect: "Bravo, bravissimo!
Bravo, bravissimo!"
All looked at him and laughed. It was Doffen
Eriksen, or Doffen, simply, as he was generally called.
He came from Mandal originally, but had been several
years in the town, first as head clerk at Eriksen's,
and later with other local firms. His natural tendency
to continual opposition, and lack of respect for his
superiors, indeed for all recognised authority, prevented
him from ever keeping a situation long.
He had recently gone over to the Socialist party,
but at the very first meeting had abused his new
comrades with emphasis: thieves, scoundrels and
political mugwumps were among the expressions he
used. The last in particular aroused their indignation,
and after a few weeks he was excluded from the
party. He was now a free-lance, with no regular
employment.
Then it happened that the Admiral advertised for
an assistant to help in the office. The Admiral used
his office chiefly as a place where he could give way
to bad language as often as he pleased; he felt he
ought to keep himself in training, and arguing with
Missa was too milk and watery for his taste.
The work in the office consisted for the most part
of keeping the accounts of a couple of small vessels
which he owned, together with the cutting out of
coupons and cashier work. The Admiral himself
never condescended to take up a pen; one had coolies
to do that sort of thing, he would say.
His two skippers were rated and bullied every time
they came home from a voyage, but they were so
used to the treatment that they never noticed it.
It was worse, however, for the clerk, who had to
endure the same thing day after day.
During the last year or so, the Admiral had had
four or five different specimens in the office, but they
always made haste to better themselves at the earliest
opportunity, or simply "got the sack." They were
all either "a pack of fools that couldn't think for
themselves," or "a lot of impertinent donkeys that
fancied they knew everything."
And when, after one of his usual outbursts, the
unfortunate in question found it too much, and gave
notice to leave, the Admiral's standard answer was
"All right! then I'll have to get another idiot from
somewhere."
Doffen applied for the post, referring to his previous
experience, and stated that he had been "simply
thrown out of various situations, not through any
lack of ability, but because the principals were so
many blockheads, who could not bear to hear a free
and independent man express his frank opinion."
He was at present disengaged, on the market, and
perfectly willing to undertake any kind of work whatever,
"even to playing croquet." The Admiral read
the application through; it was the only one he had
received in answer to his advertisement.
He grunted once or twice as he read. Missa laid
down her needlework and prepared for a direct attack.
The opening seemed to take his fancy, but when
he came to the part about playing croquet, he exclaimed:
"What the devil does the fellow mean? Playing
croquet?"
"Who?"
"Oh, the new slave I'm getting for the office."
"Well, why not. He might play with Baby."
"Oh go to...." The Admiral got up and put the
application into the fire.
Next day Doffen, as the sole applicant, was
accorded the post. He sat down at the high desk, on
one of those scaffold-like office stools with a big
wooden screw in the middle. It was a matter of some
difficulty to climb up, Doffen being small of stature,
but with the aid of some acrobatic backwork, he soon
learned to manage it.
Opposite his place was the Admiral's seat. He
loved to sit there, in the very spot where his father
had sat, year after year, as far back as he could
remember.
It was not often the Admiral showed any evidence
of gentler feeling, but it happened at times, when
very old folk chanced to come into the office. They
would stand still for a long time, looking round in
wonder, and finally exclaim:
"Why, if it's not exactly as it used to be in your
father's time!" and then the Admiral would jump
down from his stool and slap the speaker on the
shoulder.
During the first few days Doffen had not seen much
of the Admiral, who had hardly looked in at the office
at all. He wanted to get some idea of the "new
slave's" manner and behaviour before he sat down.
On the day after the performance, the Admiral
walked in and took his seat. Silence for a few
minutes.
At last Doffen thought he ought to say something,
and observed with the utmost coolness:
"Your daughter danced very nicely last night."
"H'm." The Admiral only grunted, and looked
out of the window. Doffen imagined he had not
heard.
"I was saying, Admiral, your daughter gave a
deuced fine performance last night." Doffen raised
his voice a little, thinking the Admiral must be hard
of hearing.
"And what the devil's that got to do with you?"
Doffen slammed down the lid of his desk with a
bang.
"To do with me? Why, I paid for my ticket,
anyway."
"I didn't ask her to dance for you, my lad, and
devil take me but it shall be the last time."
"What's that to do with me?" retorted Doffen
coldly.
The Admiral began to feel in his element; here at
last was a man who could stand up to him.
"Can't you see she's like a young palm? Haven't
you got a spice of feeling in you, man?"
"That's my business, Admiral."
The Admiral stopped short. He was on the point
of bringing out his own favourite retort: "Mind your
own business," and here was this fellow taking the
very words out of his mouth. He went out of the
room without a word.
Several times after that the Admiral launched his
attacks at the new clerk, but invariably got as good
as he gave. More than that, Doffen would even take
the offensive himself.
"What do you think you're doing with these two
hulks of yours, Admiral, eh?"
"Hulks?"
"Yes, these two old wooden arks. The skippers
go floundering about like hunted cockroaches at sea,
and the ships themselves go pottering from pillar to
post; it's high time you got some system into the
business."
"You mind your own business, please," said the
Admiral, rapping on the desk. But at that the other
let himself go in his barbarous dialect, like a gramophone:
"It is my business, and as long as I'm stuck here on
this spindle-shanked contrivance of a stool I'll say
what I think. Take me for a dumb beast, do you?
Not me! It'll take more than you know to stop me
talking. We're used to rough weather where I come
from."
And Doffen went on in the same strain long after
the Admiral had got out of the room. The Admiral
himself, however, listened with delight from the other
side of the door, as Doffen thumped his desk again and
again, still in the full torrent of speech. It was worth
while going to the office now. No more sitting glowering
at a servile, stooping-shouldered little scrap of a
man, who scribbled away for dear life and shrank in
terror every time he entered. Now he would generally
find the room in a thick haze of tobacco smoke so that
he himself could scarcely breathe. Doffen's pipe was
rarely out of his mouth. Several times the Admiral
had invited him, in well-chosen words, to take his
beastly pipe to a hotter place, but only to be met
with the retort that it might be as well, seeing there
was never a box of matches here when a man wanted
a light. The Admiral came more and more often to
the office now. Here at least he could be sure of
getting a fair go at any time, for Doffen was always
open for a game.
After a while a tone of jovial roughness grew up
between the two of them, and authority was relegated
to the background, exactly as Doffen wished.
Altogether there was every prospect of an idyllic
understanding between the two parties, until one day
Doffen fell in love, over head and ears in love beyond
recall.
The Princess had captivated him completely. If
she chanced to come into the office for a stamp, or to
deliver a letter, his heart would start hammering like
a riveting machine.
His brain was so confused he hardly knew what he
was doing. He would lie awake at nights in a torment
of hatred against the Endresen and Karsten boys,
who were rivals for her favour. And, after all, who
was better fitted than he? Had he not got the
Admiral's papers into proper order? Had he not
managed to knock the old porpoise himself into shape,
till he was grown docile and tractable as a tame
rabbit?
The Princess smiled on Doffen as she smiled on
everyone, and each of course fancied himself specially
favoured. Even old Consul Endresen brightened up
at the sight of her, and was always ready to stop for a
chat; he would draw himself up and endeavour to
play the gallant cavalier. He had been a widower
now for many years, and it was commonly believed
that he was not unwilling to enter once more into the
bonds of holy matrimony, should a favourable opportunity
occur.
The Admiral growled fiercely whenever Baby was
out, and Missa wept and wrung her hands over the
young ladies of the present day—particularly in this
barbarous country.
Paying attentions? It was one continual paying
of attentions all day long. The young men of the
place were sick with longing when she was not to be
seen, and Doffen suffered most, having occasion to
see her every day. To make matters worse, she had
taken to coming into the office more frequently of
late, and would perch herself up on her father's high
stool. There she would sit and gossip with him for
half an hour at a time. Six times a week at least
Doffen was in the seventh heaven of delight. She
asked him questions about everything under the sun,
consulting him on every imaginable subject. And
then she would thank him with one of those wonderful
smiles, and a look from those dark eyes of hers—oh,
it was beyond all bearing.
Doffen pondered long and deep, seeking some way
of coming to the point.
He must not let the others get there before him, and
he decided on a coup de main, which, as he had read
in the life of Napoleon, was the proper way to win a
battle. He would go directly to the Admiral himself.
One morning, then, the Admiral came into the
office, looked long and attentively at Doffen, and
finally said:
"What's the matter with you, man? You're
getting to look like a plucked goose, for all the sign
of life in you!" And he jumped up on his stool.
"It's a dog's life being a man," declared Doffen
sententiously.
"You find it easier, no doubt, to be a monkey,"
said the Admiral.
"Well, anyway, I'd be a sort of relative of yours,"
said Doffen. "And it's as well to be on good terms
with the devil, they say."
The Admiral laughed. This was a bad sign.
Ugh! So Doffen was going to be funny, and make
jokes. That sort of polite conversation was a thing
the Admiral detested; it was blank tomfoolery; soup
without salt.
No; what he enjoyed was proper high temper on
both sides like a couple of flints striking sparks. Anything
short of that made life a washy, milk-and-watery
dreariness. And most people, according to his
opinion, were just a set of slack-kneed molly-coddles
that sheered off at the first encounter. Devil take
their measly souls! When he did happen to meet
with a fellow-citizen who could get into a proper
towering passion, he felt like falling on his neck out
of sheer gratitude and admiration. Here, at last, was
a man! Women he placed in a separate category:
they were "fellow-creatures," just as rabbits, for
instance, whose chief business in life was to have
young ones.
Doffen, then, ought to have realised that the
moment was not opportune for a coup de main. He
had, however, only the day before, seen the Princess
out for a long walk with young Endresen, and he felt
he must act promptly, so he went on:
"You could make a happy man of me, Admiral!"
"You're happy enough as it is, man."
"No, not quite. There's one thing wanting."
"And what's that?"
"Your daughter——"
"Hey? Are you off your head?"
"Your daughter," repeated Doffen. "I'd be a
good husband to her, and a proper son-in-law to
you."
"I'll give you son-in-law!" roared the Admiral,
and, picking up the big Directory, he sent it full at
Doffen's chest; the latter, taken by surprise, came
tumbling down from his stool, and fell against the wood-box
in the corner.
"You miserable nincompoop!" snorted the
Admiral, as he rushed out of the room.
Doffen lay in the corner by the wood-box, groaning
pitifully. The noise had been heard all over the
house, and the Princess came rushing in to see what
was the matter.
"Are you ill, Eriksen?" she asked, taking his hand.
"Oh, I think I must be dying," he said, touching
his chest.
"No, no," said she. "It's not so bad as all that."
"And if so, I shall have died for you."
"Let me help you up on the sofa, now, and I'll fetch
you a glass of water."
With her support he limped across to the sofa.
"Better now?" she asked, handing him the glass
of water.
"Oh, I'm so fond of you," said he, and tried to take
her hand.
"Oh, do stop that nonsense!" said she, with a
laugh.
"Stop? How can I stop when I love you as deeply
as ... as ..." he paused, unable to find a sufficiently
powerful expression, then suddenly the inspiration
came, and, raising himself on his elbow, he went
on—"as deeply as is possible in this line of business!"
"Oh no, really; you can talk about this another
time, you know. Come along now, Eriksen, pull
yourself together and be a man."
"Then it's not a final refusal—not a harsh and cruel
'no' such as your father flung at me just now—with
that heavy book? Say it's not that!"
But she was gone.
Doffen lay back on the sofa once more, closed his
eyes, and thought of her. At last he fell asleep, and
lay there, never noticing when the Admiral peeped in
through the door, "to see if the carcass was still
alive." The sound of Doffen's snoring, however,
reassured him, and he went away again, contented
and relieved.
The Princess sat in her room, highly amused with
the thought of her latest admirer. What a funny
creature he was! She rather liked him really, for all
that; he was always so willing and kind, and if one's
ardent worshippers themselves agree to be reduced to
the status of "just friends," why, it may be very
handy at times to have them in reserve. No, she
would not quarrel with Eriksen, because of this, not
at all.
But, to tell the truth, it was getting quite a nuisance
with all these admirers. Everyone of them was always
wanting to meet her and go for a walk with her, and
talk of love! Oh, she was so utterly weary of them
all. These simpletons who imagined she was going
to settle down and stay in this little place all her life!
Heavens alive, what an existence! No, thank you,
not if she knew it!
It was annoying, in this frame of mind, to recollect
that she promised Endresen junior to meet him at
twelve o'clock by the big pond in the park. Still, a
promise was a promise; she would have to go.
And lo, he came up with a huge bouquet of pale
yellow roses, her favourite flower, as he knew, tied
round with a piece of thin red ribbon.
"When the roses are faded, you can take the ribbon
and bind me with it," he said.
"When the roses have faded? Oh, but that won't
be for a long time yet—thank goodness." And she
laughed.
"Well, so much the better; you can tie me up at
once."
"But suppose I don't want to?"
"Then I'll die, Baby. Go off and shoot myself, or
drown myself."
"Drown yourself? Oh, do it now. I'll bet anything
you wouldn't dare."
"I assure you I mean it," he said, placing one hand
on his heart.
"Well, now, let me see what sort of a man you are,
Endresen. Walk round the edge of the pond here
five times——"
"And what then?"
"Then—oh, then you shall have——"
"Yes?"
"—My sincere admiration, let us say. That'll do to
go on with." And she smiled mischievously.
He jumped up on to the narrow stone edging of the
pond and began balancing his way carefully along,
the Princess walking by his side, counting the rounds.
One—two—three—four times round. "One more,
and you've done it," she said encouragingly.
"And then I've won your hand, haven't I?" he
cried.
"Once more round, and—we'll think about it.
Now, last lap!"
He stepped cautiously along, and was nearing the
end of the fifth round, when all of a sudden she jumped
up and gave him a push that sent him into the water
up to his waist.
"No, that's not fair, Baby. I won."
She danced up and down, clapping her hands and
laughing delightedly.
"Adieu, Endresen! my sincere admiration. It was
splendid! But I don't think I'll walk home with you
now, or people might think you'd been drowning
yourself for my sake." And she ran off. Coming
through the town she encountered old Consul Endresen,
who stopped, as usual, to talk to her.
"You're looking younger than ever, Consul," said
the Princess.
"Am I, though? Oh, you know how to get at an
old man's heart, little sunbeam that you are! Looking
younger than ever, eh—and I'm sixty-seven to-day,"
which, by the way, was three years less than the
truth.
"To-day? Oh, then I must wish you many happy
returns—and here, let me give you these flowers."
He stopped in surprise.
"But, my dearest child, you don't mean it, surely?
These flowers, these charming roses, they were for
somebody else now, I'm sure."
"Not a bit of it—they're for you."
"Why, then, since you are pleased to command, I
bow—and many thanks." And, bowing deeply, he
took her hand and kissed it.
The Princess hurried homeward, laughing at the
face of young Endresen when his father appeared with
the flowers.
While all this was going on, Karsten junior was
sitting deep in thought as to whether he ought not to
propose to the Princess himself. He had sounded
his father on the subject, and the latter had made no
positive objection to the match. True, it was not
altogether comme il faut, but still, it might be passed
over—though he certainly considered the old man
intolerable.
Karsten junior was not much of a speaker, and
determined, therefore, to write instead. But he found
this, too, a ticklish business. He had never "operated
in that market" before, and was altogether unacquainted
with the article known as love. The opening
phrase of the contemplated letter was a stumbling-block
to begin with. Should he write "Miss," or
"Miss Baby," or "Dear Miss Baby"—or even straight
out, "Dear Baby"—but no, he must do the thing
correctly in due form. The house of Karsten was an
old-established firm, and he must make this evident.
He decided at last for "Miss" simply.
"Referring to our conversation of 7th inst., I
hereby beg to inform you ..." etc.
He wrote on his sister's ivory paper, put the letter
neatly in an envelope, and sent it off.
The Princess laughed when she got the letter. She
read it aloud to herself, and exclaimed with conviction:
"What a fool!"
Altogether it had been a day of amusing experiences
for the Princess, but there was more to come. Yet
another letter arrived, that filled her with unbounded
astonishment. It ran as follows:
"My dear little Friend,—Do not be startled
at receiving these lines from an old man. George
Sand was once asked when a woman ceased to love,
and she answered, Never. But if I were asked now,
when a man ceases to love, I should answer, for my
own part, I no longer love, I only admire and worship.
You will, I am sure, have realised, little friend, that
it is you I worship, your talents, your beauty, your
goodness of heart and brilliant spirit. What can I
offer you? A faithful protector, a good home, in
peace and harmony.
"Think this over now, think well and wisely, and
keep what I have said a secret between ourselves.
Whatever you may do, whichever way your life may
turn, your happiness will be my greatest wish.—Affectionately
yours,
"C. Endresen, Sen."
This time she did not laugh, but took a match and
burned the letter in the stove.
"This must be the end," she murmured to herself.
"I won't stay here any longer with all these ridiculous
men." She thought and pondered for several days
until the Admiral came in one day and said he was
going away for a week or so on business. In a moment
her plan was made. She said nothing to him of what
was in her mind; he would never have understood, and
it would have made no end of trouble all round.
But she would take Missa into her confidence. Missa
had been a mother to her from the moment she realised
she was living in this world; she would tell her all.
"Missa," she said, throwing her arms round her
neck, "I can't stand this any longer."
"There, there now; what is it, child?"
"I can't bear to live in this dreadful place. I must
get away somehow."
"Oh dear, dear! it's just what I think. A dreadful
place."
"Yes, there you are. And we'll go away, Missa,
you and I, out into the beautiful wide world."
"But for Heaven's sake, what about your father?"
"Father mustn't know about it. We'll just go off
by ourselves—run away, Missa dear."
"Run away! God bless me no, child! The
Admiral...."
The Princess begged and prayed, using all her powers
of persuasion and caresses, until Missa was gradually
stripped of all arguments to the contrary, and finally
rose to her feet.
"But, Baby dear, how shall we make our living?"
But at that the Princess jumped up and began
dancing wildly around.
"Missa, I'll dance—dance for all the world; make
them wild with delight, till they throw themselves at
my feet. Missa, don't you understand, can't you
imagine ... oh, Missa, if you only knew.... But
you shall see, you shall see for yourself...."
She sank down on the sofa, sobbing violently.
Next day the Princess went down to the office.
Doffen was now completely himself again after the
Admiral's very effective "refusal."
He beamed like the sun when the Princess came in,
made her a deep bow and said: "At your service,
Miss—at your service, he, he!"
"Ah, so you're still alive, Eriksen?"
"Alive! The sight of you would have wakened
me from the dead!"
"Eriksen, will you do me a favour?"
"Will I? Anything, Miss, anything a man can do."
"I want a thousand pounds."
Eriksen slid down from his stool.
"A thousand—pounds! Heaven preserve us!
A thousand! I haven't more than seven-and-six on
me.
"But father has."
"The Admiral! Yes, of course, he has; and more.
But that's not mine. Da—" he checked himself,
recollecting it was not the Admiral to whom he was
speaking—"dear me, you wouldn't have me steal his
money?"
"Oh, all you need do is to let me have the key."
"No, no, my dear young lady, no. It would never
do.
"But it's only drawing a little in advance—on my
inheritance, Eriksen, you know. That's all it is."
He stood reflecting quite a while.
"But—what on earth do you want all that money
for?"
She took his hand, and he trembled with emotion.
"Eriksen, you're my friend, aren't you?"
"Heaven knows I am, Miss."
"Well, I'm going out into the wide world—to
dance."
"But, heavens alive—that makes it worse than
ever! The Admiral, he surely isn't going off dancing
as well?"
"No; Missa's coming with me. We leave to-morrow,
for Paris, Eriksen—London—New York—oh, ever so
far!"
"But—but then, I shall never see you again."
"Indeed you shall, Eriksen; I'll send you tickets,
a whole box all to yourself, for my performance in
Paris. Just fancy, a box at the theatre all to yourself.
And you must pay me a thousand pounds for it
now."
"But the Admiral—the Admiral! I might just as
well give myself up and go to jail."
"Don't talk nonsense, Eriksen! Are you my
friend or are you not?"
The Princess got her thousand. And Eriksen duly
entered in his cash book:
"By
cash advanced to Miss Baby on account, as
per receipt number 325, £1000."
And the Princess on her part solemnly signed for the
money:
"Received cash in advance on account of expected
inheritance, £1000—one thousand pounds."
Doffen spent the evening helping Missa and the
Princess with their packing.
She promised to write and let him know how she
got on, and gave him a photo of herself at parting,
with the inscription: "To my true friend Doffen,
from Baby."
Doffen kept it near his heart.
Missa gave him her photo too, but that he quietly
put away in a back pocket.
Next morning he went down to the quay to see
them off. The Princess stood at the stern of the
ship, and waved to him. He was proud to think
that he was the only one she waved to, he was the
one to receive her farewell smile. And so the Princess
set out into the wide world.
When the Admiral returned he found the following
letter awaiting him:
"Dear Father,—Missa and I have decided to go
for a little trip to Paris, possibly also London, New
York, San Francisco, etc. We couldn't stand it any
longer, living in that old town of yours.
"I have drawn £1000 from Eriksen; I hope you
won't mind. I don't think we could really manage
with less.
"And, please, don't be nastier than usual to Eriksen
about it. I made him do it.
"So long, then, for the present, and take care of
yourself. You shall hear from us when we get there.—Your
own
"Baby."
The Admiral grunted, got up and walked twice up
and down the room; then, muttering to himself,
"All right," he put the letter in the stove.
When the Admiral came down to the office, Doffen
was inclined to be somewhat shaky about the knees.
He pulled himself together, however, and, bearing in
mind the example of Napoleon, took the offensive at
once.
"Your daughter's gone away, Admiral!"
"Oh, go to——"
"Thanks. I don't think I will. I'm very comfortable
where I am."
"You're a fool."
"There's bigger fools about."
"Why didn't you give her two thousand?"
"She'd have had five thousand."
"You've no idea what it costs to go travelling
about. A miserable stay-at-home like you."
At this Doffen grew angry in earnest, and slammed
down the lid of his desk, making the ink-stands fairly
dance.
"Well, of all the.... First of all I do my very
utmost to save you from being ruined by your illegitimate
offspring, then I manage to get her away in a
decent, respectable manner—you ought to be thoroughly
ashamed of yourself, if you ask me."
The Admiral looked round as if in search of something.
"What the devil have you done with that
Directory?" he said at last.
"Oho! Perhaps you'd like to be had up for another
attempted manslaughter, what?"
"Not a bit of it. But there's a reward for extermination
of rats and other mischievous beasts."
Here the discussion was interrupted by the entrance
of Ferryman Arne, who just looked in to ask if the
Admiral hadn't an old pair of breeches to give away,
as the seat was all out of the ones he was wearing.
The Admiral never refused. He went to a wardrobe,
routed out an old pair and gave them to Arne. The
latter examined them carefully, front and back, but
instead of saying thank you, he rudely declared that if
the Admiral wanted to give a poor man something to
wear, he might at least give him something that
wasn't falling to bits already.
This led to a most satisfactory battle-royal between
Arne and the Admiral, each trying to outdo the
other in lurid pigeon-English—a tongue which both of
them spoke fluently, Arne having been twelve years
in the China Seas.
And in the end the Admiral presented Arne with
two brand-new pairs of trousers and a pound in cash.
The years passed by. Doffen stayed on in the office,
and became indispensable as time went on. He and
the Admiral made a pair. And whenever the conversation
languished towards the milk-and-watery, Ferryman
Arne would come and lend a hand.
The Princess roamed far and wide about the world.
She sent home newspapers, wherein they read that
she was performing at this or that great city, with
thousands of admirers at her tiny feet.
The Admiral read it all without the slightest token
of surprise, his only comment being: "All right,
that's her business." But when one day he received
a card bearing the inscription, "Countess Montfalca,"
surmounted by a coronet, he spat, and remarked to
Doffen:
"Well, after all, there's nothing surprising in that,
seeing her mother was a queen."