E-text prepared by Suzanne Shell, Matthew Wheaton, and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team ( http://www.pgdp.net ) from page images generously made available by Internet Archive/American Libraries ( http://www.archive.org/details/americana ) — DIANA TEMPEST.
BETWEEN aspiration and achievement
there is no great gulf fixed. God
does not mock His children by putting a
lying spirit in the mouth of their prophetic
instincts. Only the faith of concentrated
endeavour, only the stern years which must
hold fast the burden of a great hope, only
the patience strong and meek which is content
to bow beneath "the fatigue of a long
and distant purpose;" only these stepping-stones,
and no gulf impassable by human
feet, divide aspiration from achievement.
To aspire is to listen to the word of command.
To achieve is to obey, and to continue
to obey, that voice. It is given to all
to aspire. Few allow themselves to achieve.
John had begun to see that.
If he meant to achieve anything, it was
time he put his hand to the plough. He
had listened and learned long enough.
"My time has come," he said to himself,
as he sat alone in the library at Overleigh
on the first day of the new year. "I am
twenty-eight. I have been 'promising'
long enough. The time of promise is past.
I must perform, or the time of performance
will pass me by."
He knit his heavy brows.
"I must act," he said to himself, "and
I cannot act. I must work, and I cannot
work."
John was conscious of having had—he still
had—high ambitions, deep enthusiasms. Yet
lo! all his life seemed to hinge on the
question whether Di would become his wife.
Who has not experienced, almost with a
sense of traitorship to his own nature, how
the noblest influences at work upon it may be
caught up into the loom of an all-absorbing
personal passion, adding a new beauty and
dignity to the fabric, but nevertheless changing
for the time the pattern of the life?
John's whole heart was set on one object.
There is a Rubicon in the feelings to pass
which is to cut off retreat. John had long
passed it.
"I cannot do two things at the same
time," he said. "I will ask Mrs. Courtenay
and Di here for the hunt ball, and settle
matters one way or the other with Di.
After that, whether I succeed or fail, I will
throw myself heart and soul into the career
Lord —— prophesies for me. The general
election comes on in the spring. I will
stand then."
John wrote a letter to the minister who
had such a high opinion of him—or perhaps
of his position—preserved a copy, pigeon-holed
it, and put it from his mind. His
thoughts reverted to Di as a matter of
course. He had seen her several times since
the fancy ball. Each particular of those
meetings was noted down in the unwritten
diary which contains all that is of interest in
our lives, which no friend need be entreated
to burn at our departure.
He was aware that a subtle change had
come about between him and Di; that they
had touched new ground. If he had been
in love before—which, of course, he ought
to have been—he would have understood
what that change meant. As it was, he did
not. No doubt he would be wiser next time.
Yet even John, creeping mole-like through
self-made labyrinths of conjecture one inch
below the surface, asked himself whether it
was credible that Di was actually beginning
to care for him. When he knew for certain
she did not, there seemed no reason that
she should not; now that he was insane
enough to imagine she might, he was aware
of a thousand deficiencies in himself which
made it impossible. And yet——
So he wrote another letter, this time to
Mrs. Courtenay, inviting her and Di to the
hunt ball in his neighbourhood, at the end
of January.
And his invitation was accepted. And
one if not two persons, perhaps even a third
old enough to know better, began the unprofitable
task of counting days.
It was an iron winter. It affected Fritz's
health deleteriously. His short legs raised
him but little above the surface of the earth,
and he was subject to chills and cramps
owing to the constant contact of the under
portion of his long ginger person with the
snow. Not that there was much snow. One
steel and iron frost succeeded another.
Lindo, on the contrary, found the cold slight
compared with the two winters which he
had passed in Russia with John. His wool
had been allowed to grow, to the great relief
of Mitty, who could not "abide" the "bare-backed
state" which the exigencies of fashion
required of him during the summer.
It was a winter not to be forgotten, a
winter such as the oldest people at Overleigh
could hardly recall. As the days in
the new year lengthened, the frost strengthened,
as the saying goes. The village beck
at Overleigh froze. By-and-by the great
rivers froze. Carts went over the Thames.
Some one, fonder of driving than of horses,
drove a four-in-hand on the ice at Oxford.
The long lake below Overleigh Castle, which
had formerly supplied the moat, was frozen
feet thick. The little islands and the boathouse
were lapped in ice. It became barely
possible, as the days went on, to keep one
end open for the swans and ducks. The
herons came to divide the open space with
them. The great frost of 18— was not one
that would be quickly forgotten.
John kept open house, for the ice at
Overleigh was the best in the neighbourhood,
and all the neighbours within distance
thronged to it. Mothers drove over with
their daughters; for skating is a healthy
pursuit, and those that can't skate can
learn.
The most inaccessible hunting men, rendered
desperate like the herons by the frost,
turned up regularly at Overleigh to play
hockey, or emulate John's figure-skating,
which by reason of long practice in Russia
was "bad to beat."
John was a conspicuous figure on the ice,
in his furred Russian coat lined with sable
paws, in which he had skated at the ice
carnivals at St. Petersburg.
Mitty, with bright winter-apple cheeks and
a splendid new beaver muff, would come
down to watch her darling wheel and sweep.
"If the frost holds I will have an ice carnival
when Di is here," John said to himself;
and after that he watched the glass carefully.
The day of Di's arrival drew near, came,
and actually Di with it. She was positively
in the house. Archie came the same day,
but not with her. Archie had invariably
shown such a marked propensity for travelling
by any train except that previously
agreed upon, when he was depended on to
escort his sister, that after a long course of
irritation Mrs. Courtenay had ceased to allow
him to chaperon Di, to the disgust of that
gentleman, who was very proud of his ornamental
sister when she was not in the way,
and who complained bitterly at not being
considered good enough to take her out.
So Mrs. Courtenay, who had accepted for
the sake of appearances, but who had never
had the faintest intention of leaving her own
fireside in such inhuman weather, discovered
a tendency to bronchitis, and failed at the
last moment, confiding Di to the charge of
Miss Fane, who good-naturedly came down
from London to assist John in entertaining
his guests.
And still the following day the frost held.
The hunt ball had dwindled to nothing in
comparison with the ice carnival at Overleigh
the night following the ball. The
whole neighbourhood was ringing with it.
Such a thing had never taken place within
the memory of man at Overleigh. The
neighbours, the tenantry, cottagers and all,
were invited. The hockey-players rejoiced
in the rumour that there would be hockey by
torchlight, with goals lit up by flambeaux and
a phosphorescent bung. Would the frost
hold? That was the burning topic of the
day.
There was a large house-party at Overleigh,
a throng of people who in Di's imagination
existed only during certain hours of
the day, and melted into the walls at other
times. They came and went, and skated
and laughed, and wore beautiful furs, especially
Lady Alice Fane, but they had no
independent existence of their own. The
only real people among the crowd of dancing
skating shadows were herself and John, with
whom all that first day she had hardly
exchanged a word—to her relief, was it, or
her disappointment?
After tea she went up with Miss Fane to
the low entresol room which had been set
apart for that lady's use, to help her to
rearrange the men's button-holes, which
John had pronounced to be too large. As
soon as Di took them in hand, Miss Fane of
course discovered, as was the case, that she
was doing them far better than she could
herself, and presently trotted off on the
pretext of seeing to some older lady who did
not want seeing to, and did not return.
Di was not sorry. She rearranged the
bunches of lilies of the valley at leisure,
glad of the quiet interval after a long and
unprofitable day.
Presently the person of whom she happened
to be thinking happened to come in.
He would have been an idiot if he had not,
though I regret to be obliged to chronicle
that he had had doubts on the subject.
"I thought I should find Aunt Loo here,"
he said, rather guiltily, for falsehood sat
ungracefully upon him. And he looked
round the apartment as if she might be concealed
in a corner.
"She was here a moment ago," said Di,
and she began to sort the flowers all over
again.
"The frost shows no signs of giving."
"I am glad."
After the frost John found nothing further
of equal originality to say, and presently he sat
down, neither near to her nor very far away,
with his chin in his hands, watching her wire
her flowers. The shaded light dealt gently
with the folds of Di's amber tea-gown, and
touched the lowest ripple of her yellow hair.
She dropped a single lily, and he picked it
up for her, and laid it on her knee. It was
a day of little things; the little things Love
glorifies. He did not know that his attitude
was that of a lover—did not realize the
inference he would assuredly have drawn
if he had seen another man sit as he was
sitting then. He had forgotten all about
that. He thought of nothing; neither
thought of anything in the blind unspeakable
happiness and comfort of being near
each other, and at peace with each other.
Afterwards, long afterwards, John remembered
that hour with the feeling as of a
Paradise lost, that had been only half
realized at the time. He wondered how
he had borne such happiness so easily;
why no voice from heaven had warned him
to speak then, or hereafter for ever hold his
peace. And yet at the time it had seemed
only the dawning of a coming day, the
herald of a more sure and perfect joy to be.
The prophetic conviction had been at the
moment too deep for doubt that there would
be many times like that.
"Many times," each thought, lying awake
through the short winter night after the ball.
John had discovered that to be alternately
absolutely certain of two opposite conclusions,
without being able to remain in either,
is to be in a state of doubt. He found he
could bear that blister as ill as most men.
"I will speak to her the morning after
the carnival," he said, "when all this tribe
of people have gone. What is the day
going to be like?"
He got up and unbarred his shutter, and
looked out. The late grey morning was
shivering up the sky. The stars were white
with cold. The frost had wrought an ice
fairyland on the lattice. While that fragile
web held against the pane, the frost that
wrapped the whole country would hold also.
CHAPTER II.
"A funeral morn is lit in heaven's hollow, And pale the star-lights follow." Christina Rossetti.
TOWARDS nine o'clock in the evening
carriage after carriage began to drive
up to Overleigh in the moonlight. When
Di came down, the white stone hall and the
music-room were already crowded with
guests, among whom she recognized Lord
Hemsworth, Mr. Lumley, and Miss Crupps,
who had been staying at houses in the
neighbourhood for the hunt ball the night
before, and had come on with their respective
parties, to the not unmixed gratification
of John.
"Here we are again," said Mr. Lumley,
flying up to her. "No favouritism, I beg,
Miss Tempest. Tempest shall carry one
skate, and I will take the other. Hemsworth
must make himself happy with the
button-hook. Great heavens! Tempest,
whose funeral have you been ordering?"
For at that moment the alarm-bell of the
Castle began to toll.
"It is unnecessary to hide in the curtains,"
said John. "That bell is only rung in case
of fire. It is the signal for lighting up."
And, headed by a band of torches, the
whole party went streaming out of the
wide archway, a gay crowd of laughing expectant
people, into the gardens, where vari-coloured
lines of lights gleamed terrace
below terrace along the stone balustrades,
and Neptune reined in his dolphins in the
midst of his fountain, in a shower of golden
spray.
The path down to the lake through the
wood was lit by strings of Chinese lanterns
in the branches. The little bridge over the
frozen brook was outlined with miniature
rose-coloured lights, in which the miracles
wrought by the hoar-frost on each transfigured
reed and twig glowed flame-colour
to their inmost tracery against the darkness
of the overhanging trees.
Di walked with John in fairyland.
"Beauty and the beast," said some one,
probably Mr. Lumley. But only the "beast"
heard, and he did not care.
There was a chorus of exclamations as
they all emerged from the wood into the
open.
The moon was shining in a clear sky, but
its light was lost in the glare of the bonfires,
leaping red and blue and intensest green
on the further bank of the lake, round which
a vast crowd was already assembled. The
islands shone, complete circles of coloured
light like jewels in a silver shield. The
whole lake of glass blazed. The bonfires
flung great staggering shadows across the
hanging woods.
John and Di looked back.
High overhead Overleigh hung in mid
air in a thin veil of mist, a castle built in
light. Every window and archer's loophole,
from battlement to basement, the long lines
of mullioned lattice of the picture-gallery
and the garret gallery above, throbbed with
light. The dining-hall gleamed through
its double glass. The rose window of the
chapel was a rose of fire.
"They have forgotten my window," said
John; and Di saw that the lowest portion
of the western tower was dark. Her own
oriel window, and Archie's next it, shone
bravely.
Mitty was watching from the nursery
window. In the fierce wavering light she
could see John, conspicuous in his Russian
coat and peaked Russian cap, advance
across the ice, escorted by torches, to the
ever-increasing multitude upon the further
bank. The enthusiastic cheering of the
crowd when it caught sight of him came
up to her, as she sat with a cheek pressed
against the lattice, and she wept for joy.
Di's heart quickened as she heard it.
Her pride, which had at first steeled her
against John, had deserted to his side. It
centred in him now. She was proud of
him. Lord Hemsworth, on his knees
before her, fastening her skates, asked her
some question relating to a strap, and, looking
up as she did not answer, marvelled
at the splendid colour in her cheek, and
the flash in the eyes looking beyond him
over his head. At a signal from John the
band began to play, and some few among
the crowd to dance on the sanded portion
of the ice set apart for them; but far the
greater number gathered in dense masses to
watch the "musical ride" on skates which
the house-party at Overleigh had been
practising the previous day, which John led
with Lady Alice, circling in and out round
groups of torches, and ending with a grand
chain, in which Mr. Lumley and Miss
Crupps collapsed together, to the delight of
the spectators and of Mr. Lumley himself,
who said he should tell his mamma.
And still the crowd increased.
As John was watching the hockey-players
contorted like prawns, wheeling fast and
furious between their flaming goals, which
dripped liquid fire on to the ice, the local
policeman came up to him.
"There's over two thousand people here
to-night, sir," he said.
"The more the better," said John.
"Yes, sir, and I've been about among
'em, me and Jones, and there's a sight of
people here, sir, as are no tenants of yours,
and roughish characters some of 'em."
"Sure to be," said John. "If there is
any horseplay, treat it short and sharp. I'll
back you up. I've a dozen men down here
from the house to help to keep order. But
there will be no need. Trust Yorkshiremen
to keep amused and in a good temper."
And, in truth, the great concourse of
John's guests was enjoying itself to the
utmost, dancing, sliding, clutching, falling
one on the top of the other, with perfect
good humour, shouting with laughter, men,
women, and children all together.
As the night advanced an ox was roasted
whole on the ice, and a cauldron of beer
was boiled. There was a tent on the bank
in which a colossal supper had been prepared
for all. Behind it great brick fire-places
had been built, round which the
people sat in hundreds, drinking, singing,
heating beer and soup. They were tactful,
these rough Yorkshiremen; not one came
across to the further bank set apart for "t'
quality," where another supper, not half so
decorously conducted, was in full swing
by the boathouse. John skated down there
after presiding at the tent.
Perhaps negus and mutton-broth were
never handed about under such dangerous
circumstances. The best Consommé à la
Royale watered the earth. The men
tottered on their skates over the frozen
ground, bearing soup to the coveys of girls
sitting on the bank in nests of fur rugs.
Mr. Lumley and Miss Crupps had supper
together in one of the boats, Mr. Lumley
continually vociferating, "Not at home," when
called upon, and retaliating with Genoese
pastry, until he was dislodged with oars,
when he emerged wielding the drumstick
of a chicken, and a free fight ensued
between him and little Mr. Dawnay, armed
with a soup-ladle, which ended in Mr.
Lumley's being forced on to his knees
among the mince-pies, and disarmed.
John looked round for Di, but she was
the centre of a group of girls, and he felt
aggrieved that she had not kept a vacant
seat for him beside her, which of course
she could easily have done. Presently,
when the fireworks began, every one made
a move towards the lower part of the lake
in twos and threes, and then his opportunity
came.
He held out his hand to help her to her
feet, and they skated down the ice together.
Every one was skating hand in hand, but
surely no two hands trembled one in the
other as theirs did.
The evening was growing late. A low
mist was creeping vague and billowy across
the land, making the tops of the trees look
like islands in a ghostly sea. The bonfires,
burning down red and redder into throbbing
hearts of fire, gleamed blurred and weird.
The rockets rushed into the air and dropped
in coloured flame, flushing the haze. The
moon peered in and out.
And to John and Di it seemed as if they
two were sweeping on winged feet among
a thousand phantasmagoria, in the midst of
which they were the only realities. In other
words, they were in love.
"Come down to the other end of the
lake, and let us look at the fireworks from
there," said John; and they wheeled away
from the crowd and the music and the noise,
past all the people and the lighted islands
and the boathouse, and the swinging lamps
along the banks, away to the deserted end
of the lake. A great stillness seemed to
have retreated there under shadow of the
overhanging trees. The little island left in
darkness for the waterfowl, with its laurels
bending frozen into the ice, had no part or
lot in the distant jargon of sound, and the
medley of rising, falling, skimming lights.
There was no sound save the ringing of
their skates, and a little crackling of the ice
among the grass at the edge.
They skated round the island, and then
slackened and stood still to look at the scene
in the distance.
One of the bonfires just replenished leapt
one instant lurid high, only to fall the next
in a whirlwind of sparks, and cover the
lake with a rush of smoke. Figures dashed
in and out, one moment in the full glare of
light, the next flying like shadows through
the smoke.
"It is like a dream," said Di. "If it is
one, I hope I shan't wake up just yet."
To John it was not so wild and incredible
a dream as that her hand was still in his.
She had not withdrawn it. No, his senses
did not deceive him. He looked at it, gloved
in his bare one. He held it still. He
could not wait another moment. He must
have it to keep always. Surely, surely fate
had not thrown them together for nothing,
beneath this veiled moon, among the silver
trees!
"Di," he said below his breath.
"There is some one on the bank watching
us," said Di, suddenly.
John turned, and in the uncertain light
saw a man's figure come deliberately out of
the shadow of the trees to the bank above
the ice.
John gave a sharp exclamation.
"What has he got in his hand?" said Di.
He did not answer. He dropped her
hand and moved suddenly away from her.
The figure slowly raised one arm. There
was a click and a snap.
"Missed fire," said John, making a rush
for the edge. But he turned immediately.
He remembered his skates. Di screamed
piercingly. In the distance came the crackling
of fireworks, and the murmur of the
delighted crowd. Would no one hear?
The figure on the bank did not stir; only
a little steel edge of light rose slowly again.
There was a sharp report, a momentary
puff of light in smoke, and John staggered,
and began scratching and scraping the ice
with his skates. Di raised shrieks that
shook the stars, and rushed towards him.
And the cruel moon came creeping out,
making all things visible.
"Go back," he gasped hoarsely. "Keep
away from me. He will fire again."
And he did so; for as she rushed up to
John, and in spite of the strength with which
he pushed her from him, caught him in her
arms and held him tightly to her, there was
a second report, and the muff hopped and
ripped in her hand.
She screamed again. Surely some one
would come! She could hear the ringing
of skates and voices. Torches were wheeling
towards her. Lanterns were running
along the edge. Good God! how slow they
were!
"Go back—go back!" gasped John, and
his head fell forward on her breast. He
seemed slipping out of her arms, but she
upheld him clasped convulsively to her with
the strength of despair.
"Where?" shouted voices, half-way up
the lake.
She tried to shriek again, but only a harsh
guttural sound escaped her lips.
The man had not gone away. She had
her back to him, but she heard him run a
few steps along the frost-bitten bank, and
she knew it was to make his work sure.
John became a dead weight upon her.
She struggled fiercely with him, but he
dragged her heavily to her knees, and fell
from her grasp, exposing himself to full view.
There was a click.
With a wild cry she flung herself down
upon his body, covering him with her own,
her face pressed against his.
"We will die together! We will die
together!" she gasped.
She heard a low curse from the bank.
And suddenly there was a turmoil of voices,
and a rushing and flaring of lights all round
her, and then a sharp cry like the fire-engines
clearing the London streets.
"I must get him to the side," she said to
herself, and she beat her hands feebly on
the ice.
Away in the distance, in some other world,
the band struck up, "He's a fine old
English gentleman."
Her hands touched something wet and
warm.
"The thaw has come at last," she thought,
and consciousness and feeling ebbed away
together.
CHAPTER III.
"And dawn, sore trembling still and grey with fear, Looked hardly forth, a face of heavier cheer Than one which grief or dread yet half enshrouds." Swinburne.
WHEN Di came to herself, it was to find
that she was sitting on the bank
supported by Miss Crupps' trembling arm,
with her head on Miss Crupps' shoulder.
Some one, bending over her—could it be
Lord Hemsworth with that blanched face
and bare head?—was wiping her face with
the gentleness of a woman.
"Have I had a fall?" she asked dizzily.
"I don't remember. I thought it was—Miss
Crupps who fell."
"Yes, you have had a fall," said Lord
Hemsworth, hurriedly; "but you will be all
right directly. Don't be all night with that
brandy, Lumley."
Di suddenly perceived Mr. Lumley close
at hand, trying to jerk something out of a
little silver lamp into a tumbler. She had
seen that lamp before. It had been handed
round with lighted brandy in it with the
mince-pies. No one drank it by itself.
Evidently there was something wrong.
"I don't understand," she said, beginning
to look about her. A confused gleam of
remembrance was dawning in her eyes which
terrified Lord Hemsworth.
"Drink this," he said quickly, pressing
the tumbler against her lip.
Her teeth chattered against the rim. Miss
Crupps was weeping silently. Di pushed
away the glass and stared wildly about her.
What was this great crowd of eyes kept
back by a chain of men? What was that
man in a red uniform with a trumpet, craning
forward to see? There was a sound of
women crying. How dark it was! Where
was the moon gone to?
"What is it?" she whispered hoarsely,
stretching out her hands to Lord Hemsworth,
and looking at him with an agony of appeal.
"What has happened?"
But he only took her hands and held
them hard in his. If he could have died to
spare her that next moment he would have
done it.
"When I say three," said a distinct voice
near at hand. "Gently, men. One, two,
three. That's it."
Di turned sharply in the direction of the
voice. There was a knot of people on the
ice at a little distance. One was kneeling
down. Another knelt too, holding a lantern
ringed with mist. As she looked, the others
raised something between them in a fur rug,
something heavy, and began to move slowly
to the bank.
Her face took a rigid look. She remembered.
She rose suddenly to her feet
with a voiceless cry, and would have fallen
forward on her face had not Lord Hemsworth
caught her in his arms. He held her
closely to him, and put his shaking blood-stained
hand over her eyes. Miss Crupps
sobbed aloud. Mr. Lumley sat down by
her, telling her not to cry, and assuring her
that it would all be all right; but when he
was not comic he was not up to much.
There was no need to keep the crowd off
any longer. Their whole interest centred in
John, and they broke away in murmuring
masses along the bank, and down the ice, in
the wake of the little band with the lantern.
Now that the lantern had gone, the place
was wrapped in a white darkness. The
other lights had apparently gone out, except
the red end of a torch on the bank. The
mist was covering the valley.
"Is he dead? Is he dead?" gasped Di,
clinging convulsively to the friend who had
loved her so long and so faithfully.
"No, Di, no," said Lord Hemsworth,
speaking as if to a child; "not dead, only
hurt. And the doctor is there. He was on
the ice when it happened. He was with
you both almost as soon as I was. I am
going to take off your skates. Can you
walk a little with my help? Yes? It will
be better to be going gently home. Put
your hands in your muff. Here it is. You
must put in the other hand as well. The
bank is steep here. Lean on me." And
Lord Hemsworth helped her up the bank,
and guided her stumbling feet towards the
dwindling constellation of lights at the
further end of the lake.
A party of men passed them in the drifting
mist. One of them turned back. It was
Archie, his face streaming with perspiration.
"Did you get him?" asked Lord Hemsworth.
"Get him? Not a chance," said Archie.
"He stood on the bank till Dawnay and I
were within ten yards of him, and then
laughed and ran quietly away. He knew
we could not follow on our skates, though
we made a rush for him, and by the time
we had got them off he was out of sight, of
course. I expect he has doubled back, and
is watching among the crowd now."
"Would you know him again?"
"No; he was masked. He would never
have let me come so close to him if he had
not been. I say, how is John?"
Lord Hemsworth glared at Archie, but
the latter was of the species that never
takes a hint, like his father before him,
who was always deeply affronted if people
resented his want of tact. He called it
"touchiness" on their part. The "touchiness"
of the world in general affords tactless
persons a perennial source of offended
astonishment.
"What are you frowning at me about?"
said Archie, in an injured voice. "What
has become of John? Hullo! what's that?
Why, it's the omnibus. They have been
uncommonly quick about getting it down.
My word, the horses are giving trouble!
They can't get them past the bonfires."
"Go on and say Miss Tempest and Miss
Crupps are coming," said Lord Hemsworth,
"and keep places for them."
He knew the omnibus had not been sent
for for them, but he did not want Di to
realize for whom it was required. Archie
hurried on. Miss Crupps and Mr. Lumley
passed at a little distance.
"You are deceiving me," gasped Di.
"You mean it kindly, but you are deceiving
me. He is dead. Did not Archie say he
was dead? It is no good keeping it from
me."
Lord Hemsworth tried to soothe her in
vain.
"The man on the bank shot twice," she
went on incoherently. "I tried to get between,
but it was no good; and I screamed,
but you were all so long in coming. I never
knew people so slow. You were too late,
too late, too late!"
Lord Hemsworth was experiencing that
unbearable wrench at the heart which goes
by the easy name of emotion. He was
reading his death-warrant in every random
word Di said. It appeared to him that he
had always known that John loved Di; and
yet until this evening he had never thought
of it, and certainly never dreamed for a
moment that she cared for him. He had
not imagined that Di could care for any one.
The ease with which any man can marry
any woman nowadays, the readiness of
women to give their affection to any one,
irrespective of age, character, and antecedents,
has awakened in men's minds a profound
and too well grounded disbelief in
women's love. The average woman of the
present day is, as men are well aware, in
love with marriage, and in order to attain
to that state a preference for one person
rather than another is quickly seen to be
prejudicial; for though love conduces to
happy marriages, love conduces also to the
catastrophe of single life, and is but a blind
leader of the blind at best.
Lord Hemsworth loved Di, but that was
different. The fact that she, being human,
might be equally attached to himself or to
some other man had never struck him. It
struck him now, and for a few minutes he
was speechless.
It was only a very great compassion and
tenderness that was able to wrestle with and
vanquish the intolerable pain of the moment.
"See, Di," he said gently, through his
white lips. "Look at that great tear and
hole through your muff. I saw it directly
I picked it up. A bullet did that; do you
understand?—a bullet that perhaps would
have hit Tempest but for you. But you
saved him from it. Perhaps he is better
now, and afraid you are hurt. There is the
carriage coming to us; let us go on to
meet it."
And in truth the great Overleigh omnibus,
with men at the horses' heads, was lurching
across the uneven turf to meet them.
"Where is John?" asked Di of Archie,
peering at the empty carriage.
"The doctor would not have him lifted in,
after all," said Archie. "They went on on
foot. We may as well go up in it;" and he
helped in Lady Alice Fane and Miss Crupps,
who came up at the moment. Lord Hemsworth
followed Di and sat down by her.
He was determined she should be spared
all questioning. Mr. Lumley and Mr. Dawnay
got in too, and sat silently staring
straight in front of them. No one spoke.
Archie stood on the step; and the long
lumbering vehicle turned and got slowly
under way—the same in which such a merry
party had driven to the ball the night
before.
As they reached the courtyard a confused
mass of people became visible within it—the
guests of the evening; the girls standing
about in silent groups, muffled to the eyes,
for the cold had become intense; the men
hurrying to and fro, getting out their own
horses and helping the coachmen to harness
them. Through the darkness came the uplifted
voices of Lindo and Fritz in hysterics
at being debarred from taking part in the
festivities. Carriages were beginning to
drive off. There was no leave-taking.
"There is our omnibus," said Mr. Lumley
to Miss Crupps. "That is Montagu lighting
the lamps. They will be looking for
us." And they got out and rejoined their
party, nodding silently to the others, who
drove on to the hall door, Lord Hemsworth
with them: he seemed quite oblivious of
the fact that he was not staying at Overleigh.
The hall was brilliantly lighted. Every
carved lion and griffin on the grand staircase
held its lamp. The house-party was standing
about in the hall. They looked at the
remainder as they came in, but no one
spoke. Miss Fane was blinking in their
midst. The other elder ladies who had
stayed up at the Castle whispered with their
daughters. A blaze of light and silver came
through the opened folding doors of the
dining-hall, where supper for a large number
had been prepared.
"Any news?" asked Lord Hemsworth, as
he guided Di to an armchair.
Miss Fane shook her head.
"They won't let me in," she said. "They
have taken him to his room, and they won't
let any one in."
"Who is with him?" said Di, in a loud
hoarse voice that made every one look at
her.
She did not see what every one else did,
namely, that the neck and breast of her grey
coat was drenched with blood—not hers.
"The doctor and his sister are with him.
They were both on the ice at the time.
I think Lord Elver is there too, and his
valet."
Lord Hemsworth went into the dining-hall
and came back with a glass of champagne
and a roll.
"Bring things out to the people," he said
to the bewildered servants; "they won't
come in here for them." And they followed
with trays of wine and soup.
Without making her conspicuous, he was
thus able to force Di to drink and eat. She
remembered afterwards his wearying pertinacity
till she had finished what he brought
her.
The men, most of whom were exhausted
by the pursuit of the assassin, or by carrying
John up the steep ascent, drank large
quantities of spirits. Archie, quite worn
out, fell heavily asleep in an oak chair.
The women were beginning to disappear
in two and threes. Every one was dead
beat.
It was Lord Hemsworth who took the
onus of giving directions, who told the servants
to put out the lights from all the
windows. Miss Fane was of no more use
than a sheep waked at midnight for an
opinion on New Zealand lamb would have
been. She stood about and ate sandwiches
because they were handed to her, although
she and the other chaperons had just partaken
of roast turkey; went at intervals
into the picture-gallery, at the end of which
John's room was, and came back shaking
her head.
It was Lord Hemsworth who helped Di
to her room, while Miss Fane accompanied
them upstairs. Di's room was still brilliantly
lighted. Lord Hemsworth lingered on the
threshold.
"You will promise me to take off that
damp gown at once," he said.
Somehow there seemed nothing peculiar
in the authoritative attitude which he had
assumed towards Di. She and Miss Fane
took it as a matter of course.
"Yes, change all her things," said Miss
Fane. "Quite right—quite right."
"Where is your maid? Can you get
her?" asked Lord Hemsworth, uneasily.
"I have no maid," said Di, trying and
failing to unfasten her grey furred coat.
He winced as he saw her touch it, and then,
an idea seeming to strike him, closed the
door and went downstairs again.
The servants had put out the lamps in the
windows of the picture-gallery, leaving, with
unusual forethought, one or two burning in
the long expanse in case of need.
In the shadow at the further end, near
John's room, a bent figure was sitting, silently
rocking itself to and fro. It had been there
whenever he had ventured into the gallery.
It was there still.
It was Mitty—Mitty in her best violet silk
that would stand of itself, and her black satin
apron, and her gold brooch with the mosaic
of the Coliseum that John had brought her
from Rome. She raised her wet face out of
her apron as the young man touched her
gently on the shoulder.
"They won't let me in to him, sir," said
Mitty, the round tears running down her
cheeks, and hopping on to her violet silk.
"Me that nursed him since he was a baby.
He was put into my arms, sir, when he was
born. I took him from the month, and they
won't let me in."
"They will presently," said Lord Hemsworth.
"He will be asking for you, you'll
see; and then how vexed he will be if he
sees you have been crying!"
"And the warming-pan, sir," gasped
Mitty, shaken with silent sobs, pointing to
that article laid on the settee. "I got it
ready myself. I was as quick as quick. And
a bit of brown sugar in it to keep off the
pain. And they said they did not want
it—as if I didn't know what he'd like! He'll
want his old Mitty, and he won't know they
are keeping me away from him."
"Some one wants you very much," said
Lord Hemsworth. "Poor Miss Tempest.
And she has no maid with her. She is not fit
to be left to herself. Won't you go and see
to her, Mitty?"
But Mitty shook her head.
"He may ask for me," she said.
"I will stay here and come for you the
first minute he asks," said Lord Hemsworth,
moving the rejected warming-pan, and sitting
down beside her on the hot settee. "Poor
Miss Tempest! And she tried so hard to
save him. Won't you go to her? She has
only Miss Fane with her."
"Miss Fane!" said Mitty, evidently with
the recollection of a long-standing feud.
"Much good she'd do a body; doesn't know
chalk from cheese. She didn't even know
when Master John had got the measles,
though the spots was out all over him.
'It's only nettle-rash, nurse,' she says to
me. And the same when he had them
little ulsters in his throat. Miss Fane
indeed!"
And after a little more persuasion Mitty
consented to go if he promised to come for
her if John asked for her.
Lord Hemsworth gave a sigh of relief as
Mitty went reluctantly away. He was in
mortal anxiety about Di. He had a nervous
misgiving, increased by his feeling of masculine
helplessness to do anything further for
her, lest she should fall ill or faint alone in
that gaily lighted room; for, of course, Miss
Fane would not have remained. As, indeed,
was the case. She was yawning herself out
of the room when Mitty appeared.
"That's it—that's it," she said, evidently
relieved. "Get to bed, Di. No use sitting
up. We shall hear in the morning;" and she
departed to her own room.
Di turned her white exhausted face slowly
towards the old woman, and vainly tried to
frame a question. Mitty's maternal instinct
was aroused by the sight of her lamb's
"Miss Dinah" sitting in her mist-damped
clothes, which steamed where the warmth of
the fire reached them. She had made no
effort to take off her walking things, but she
was passive under Mitty's hands, as the latter
unfastened them and wrapped her in her
warm dressing-gown.
"I can't go to bed, Mitty," said Di,
hoarsely, holding her gown. "Don't make
me. Let me come and sit in the nursery
with you. We shall be nearer there, and
then I shall hear. There is no one to come
and tell me here."
The girl clung convulsively to the old
woman, and the two went together to the
nursery, and Mitty, after putting her guest
into the rocking-chair by the fire, went
down once more to ask for news. But
there was no news. John was still unconscious,
and the doctor would say nothing.
Presently Mitty came tearfully back, and sat
down on the other side of the fire. Lord
Hemsworth, who was sitting up with Archie,
had promised to come to the nursery the
moment there was any change.
The nursery still bore traces of the little
party that had broken up so disastrously, for
Mitty had invited the élite of the village
ladies to view the carnival from the nursery
windows. The "rock" buns for which
Mitty was celebrated, and one of Mrs.
Alcock's best cakes, were still on the table,
and Mitty's fluted silver teapot with a little
nest of clean cups round it. Presently she
got up, and, opening the corner cupboard,
began to put them away; but the impulse of
tidying was forgotten as she caught sight of
John's robin mug on the top shelf. She
took it down, and stood holding it in her old
withered hands.
"I give it him myself," she said, "on his
birthday when he was five years old; twenty-four
years ago come June. I thought some
of his mother's family would have remembered
his birthday if his father didn't. I
thought something would have come by
post. But there wasn't so much as a letter.
And Mrs. Alcock give him the tin plate with
the soldier on it, but I never let him eat off
it. And we had Barker's little nephew to
tea as he was learning to shoemaykle, but
nobody took no notice of his birthday except
me and Mrs. Alcock. And when he went to
school I kep' his mug and his toys. He never
had a many toys, but what there was I have
'em. And his clothes, my dear, everything
since he was born, from his little cambric
shirts, I have 'em all, put away; with a bit of
camphor to his velvet suit as I took him to
York to be measured for, on purpose to make
him look pretty to his papa when he come
home from abroad. But he never took a bit
of notice of him—never." Mitty sat down
by the fire, still holding the mug. "And a
lace collar he had with it—real lace, the best
as money could buy. I might spend what I
liked on him; but no one ever took no
notice of him, not even in his first sailor's;
and he with his pretty ways and his grave
talk! Mrs. Alcock and me has often cried
over the things he'd say. There's his crib
still in the night-nursery by my bed. I
could not sleep without it was there; and
the little blankets and sheets and piller-slips
as belong, all put away, and not a iron
mould upon 'em. Eh, dear miss, many's the
time I've got 'em out and aired 'em, thinking
maybe the day 'ud come when he would
have a babby of his own, and I should hold
it in my old arms before I died. And even
if I was gone they'd be all ready, and the
bassinet only wanting muslin to it. And
now—oh, my lamb, my lamb! And they
won't let his old Mitty go to him." And
Mitty's grief broke into a paroxysm of
sobbing.
Di looked at the old woman rocking
herself backwards and forwards, and, rising
unsteadily, she went and knelt down by her,
putting her arms round her in silence. She
had no comfort to give in words. It seemed
as if her strong young heart were breaking;
but she realized that Mitty's anguish for a
love knit up into so many faithful years was
greater than hers.
As she knelt, a step came along the creaking
garret gallery with its uneven flooring.
It was Lord Hemsworth.
He stood in the doorway with the wan
light of the morning behind him. His face
looked pinched and aged.
"He is better," he said. "He has
recovered consciousness, and has spoken.
The other doctor has arrived, and they think
all will go well."
And the two women who loved John
clung and sobbed together.
Lord Hemsworth looked fixedly at Di and
went out.
CHAPTER IV.
"Toute passion nuisible attire, comme le gouffre, par
le vertige. La faiblesse de volonté amène la faiblesse
de tête, et l'abîme, malgré son horreur, fascine alors
comme un asile."—Amiel.
PEOPLE said that John had a charmed
life. The divergence of an eighth of
an inch, of a hundredth part of an inch, of
a hair's-breadth and the little bead that
passed right through his neck would have
pierced the jugular artery, and John would
have added one more to the long list of
names in Overleigh Church. As it was,
when once the direction of the bullet had
been ascertained, he was pronounced to be
in little danger. He rallied steadily, and
without relapse.
People said that he bore a charmed life,
and they began to say something more,
namely, that it was an object to somebody
that it should be wiped out. Men are not
shot at for nothing. John was not an Irish
landlord. Some one evidently bore him a
grudge. Society instantly formed several
more or less descreditable reasons to account
for John's being the object of some one's
revenge. Half-forgotten rumours of Archie's
doings were revived with John's name affixed
to them. Decidedly there had been some
"entanglement," and John had brought his
fate upon himself. Colonel Tempest, just
returned from foreign travel, heard the
matter discussed at his club. His opinion
was asked as to the truth of the reports, but
he only shrugged his shoulders, and it was
supposed that he could not deny them.
Di's, Lady Alice Fane's, and Miss Crupps'
names were all equally associated with John's
in the different versions of the accident.
Colonel Tempest did not go to see his
daughter. She had been telegraphed for
the morning after the ice carnival by Mrs.
Courtenay, who had actually developed with
the thaw the bronchitis which she had
dreaded throughout the frost. Di and
Archie, whose leave was up, returned to
town together for once.
Archie had experienced a distinct though
shamed pang of disappointment when John's
state was pronounced to be favourable.
All night long, as he had sat waking and
dozing beside the gallery fire opposite Lord
Hemsworth's motionless, wakeful figure,
visions of wealth passed in spite of himself
before his mind; visions of four-in-hands,
and screaming champagne suppers, and
smashing things he could afford to pay for,
and running his own horses on the turf.
He did not want John to die. He had been
dreadfully shocked when he had first caught
sight of the stony upturned face almost
beneath his feet, and had strained every
nerve in his body to overtake the murderer.
He did not want John to go where he,
Archie, would have been terrified to go himself.
But—he wanted the things John had,
which his father had often told him should
by rights have been his, and they could
not both have them at one and the same
time.
He could not understand his father's
fervent "Thank God!" when he assured him
that John was out of danger.
"A miss is as good as a mile," said Archie,
with his smallest grin. He was desperately
short of money again by this time, and he
had no one to apply to. He knew enough
of John to be aware that nothing was to be
expected from that quarter. Twenty-four
hours ago he had thought—how could he
help it?—that perhaps there would be no
further trouble on that irksome, wearisome
subject; for lack of money, and the annoyance
entailed by procuring it, was the thorn
in Archie's flesh. But now the annoyance
was still there, beginning as it were all over
again, owing to—John. Madeleine would
lend him money, he knew, but he would be
a cad to take it. He could not think of
such a thing, he said to himself, as he turned
it over in his mind.
The ice carnival and John's escape were
a nine days' wonder. In ten days it was
forgotten for a cause célèbre by every one
except Colonel Tempest.
Colonel Tempest had had a fairly pleasant
time abroad. While his small stock of
ready money lasted, the remainder of the
five hundred subtracted from the sum he
had returned to John after his interview with
Larkin, he had really almost enjoyed himself.
He had picked up a few old companions
of the hanger-on species at Baden
and Homburg, and had given them dinners—he
was always open-handed. He had the
natural predilection for the society of his social
inferiors which generally accompanies a predilection
for being deferred to, and regarded
as a person of importance. He was under
the impression that he was the most liberal-minded
of men in the choice of his companions,
and without the social prejudices of
his class. He had won a little at "baccarat."
His health also had improved. On his
return in December to the lodgings which
he had left in such a panic in July, he told
himself that he had been in a morbid state
of health, that he had taken things too
much to heart, that he had been over-sensitive;
that there was no need to be
afraid. Five months had elapsed. It would
be all right.
And it had been all right for about a
month, and then——
If the distressing theory that virtue is its
own reward has any truth, surely sin is its
own punishment.
The old monotonous pains took Colonel
Tempest.
It is a popular axiom among persons in
robust health that others labouring long
under a painful disease become accustomed
to it. It is perhaps as true as all axioms,
however freely laid down by persons in one
state respecting the feelings of others in a
state of which they are ignorant, can be.
The continual dropping of water wears
away the stone. The stone ought, of course,
to put up an umbrella—any one can see
that—or shift its position. But it seldom
does so.
There was a continual dropping of a slowly
diluted torture on the crumbling sandstone
of Colonel Tempest's heart. The few
months of intermission only rendered more
acute the agony of the inevitable recommencement.
As he felt in July after the fire in John's
lodgings, so he felt now; just the same
again, all over again, only worse. The
porous sandstone was wearing down.
He wandered like a ghost in the snowy
places in the Park—for snow had followed
the thaw—or paced for hours by the Serpentine,
staring at the water. Once in a path
across the Park he suddenly caught sight of
John walking slowly in the direction of
Kensington. The young man passed within
a couple of yards of him without seeing him,
his head bent, and his eyes upon the ground.
"It is his ghost," said Colonel Tempest
to himself, clutching the railing, and looking
back at the receding figure with an access
of shuddering horror.
Another figure passed, a heavy man in an
ulster.
"He is being followed," thought Colonel
Tempest. "It is Swayne, and he is following
him."
He rushed panting after the second figure,
and overtook it at a meeting of the ways.
"Swayne!" he gasped; "for mercy's sake,
Swayne, don't——"
A benevolent elderly face turned and
peered at him in the twilight, and Colonel
Tempest remembered that Swayne was dead.
"My name is Smith," said the man, and
after waiting a moment passed on.
In a flash of memory Colonel Tempest
saw Swayne's huddled figure crouching in
the disordered bed, and the check trousers
over a chair, and the candle on the window-sill
bent double by the heat. That had been
the manner of Swayne's departure. How
had he come to forget he was dead, and that
John was laid up at Overleigh?
"I am going mad," he said to himself.
"That will be the end. I shall go mad and
tell everything."
The new idea haunted him. He could
not shake it off. There was nothing in the
wide world to turn to for a change of thought.
If he fell asleep at night he was waked by
the sound of his own voice, to find himself
sitting up in bed talking loudly of he knew
not what. Once he heard himself call
Swayne's and John's names aloud into the
listening darkness, and broke into a cold
sweat at the thought that he might have
been heard in the next room. Perhaps the
other lodger, the young man with the red
hair, cramming for the army, knew everything
by this time. Perhaps the lodging-house
people had been listening at the door,
and would give him in charge in the morning.
Did he not at that very moment hear furtive
steps and whispering on the landing? He
rushed out to see the thin tabby cat, the
walking funeral of the beetles and mice of
the establishment, slip noiselessly downstairs,
and he returned to his room shivering from
head to foot, to toss and shudder until the
morning, and then furtively eye the landlady
and her daughter in curl-papers.
More days passed. Colonel Tempest had
had doubts at first, but gradually he became
convinced that the people in the house
knew. He was sure of it by the look in
their faces if he passed them on the stairs.
It was merely a question of time. They
were waiting to make certain before they
informed against him. Perhaps they had
written to John. There was no news of
John, except a rumour in the World that he
was to stand at the coming general election.
Colonel Tempest became the prey of an
idée fixe. When John came forward on the
hustings he would be shot at and killed.
He became as certain of it as if it had
already happened. At times he believed it
had happened—that he had been present
and had seen him fall forward; and it was he,
Colonel Tempest, who had shot him, and
had been taken red-handed with one of his
old regimental pistols smoking in his hand.
Colonel Tempest had those pistols somewhere.
One day he got them out and looked
at them, and spent a long time rubbing them
up. They used to hang crosswise under a
photograph of himself in uniform in his wife's
little drawing-room. He recollected, with
the bitterness that accompanies the remembrance
of the waste of lavished affections, how
he had sat with his wife and child a whole
wet afternoon polishing up those pistols,
while another man in his place would have
gone off to his club. (Colonel Tempest
always knew what that other man would
have done.) And Di had been gentle and
affectionate, and had had a colour for once,
and had played with her creeping child like
a cat with its kitten. And they had had tea
together afterwards, sitting on the sofa with
the child asleep between them. Ah! if she
had only been always like that, he thought,
as he remembered the cloud that, owing to
her uncertain temper, had gradually settled
on his home-life.
An intense bitterness was springing afresh
in Colonel Tempest's mind against his dead
wife, against his dead brother, against Swayne,
against his children who never came near
him (Di was nursing Mrs. Courtenay in
bronchitis, but that was of no account),
against the world in general which did
not care what became of him. No one
cared.
"They will be sorry some day," he said
to himself.
And still the waking nightmare remained
of seeing John fall, and of finding he had
shot him himself.
More days passed.
And gradually, among the tottering débris
of a life undermined from its youth, one
other thought began, mole-like, to delve and
creep in the darkness.
Truly the way of transgressors is hard.
No one cared what he suffered, what he
went through. This was the constant refrain
of these latter days. He had paroxysms
of angry tears of self-pity with his head in
his hands, his heart rent to think of himself
sitting bowed with anguish by his solitary
fireside. Love holds the casting vote in the
destinies of most of us. There is only one
love which wrings the heart beyond human
endurance—the love of self.
And yet more days. The sun gave no
light by day, neither the moon by night.
To the severe cold of January a mild
February had succeeded. March was close
at hand. The hope and yearning of the
spring was in the air already. Already in
Kensington Gardens the silly birds had begun
to sing, and the snowdrops and the little
regiments of crocuses had come up in double
file to listen.
On this particular afternoon a pale London
sun was shining like a new shilling in the
sky, striking as many sparks as he could out
of the Round Pond. There was quite a
regatta at that Cowes of nursery shipping.
The mild wind was just strong enough to
take sailing-vessels across. The big man-of-war
belonging to the big melancholy man
who seemed open to an offer, the yachts and
the little fishing-smacks, everything with a
sail, got over sooner or later. The tiny
hollow boats with seats were being towed
along the edge in leading-reins. A wooden
doll with joints took advantage of its absence
of costume to drop out of the boat in which it
was being conveyed, and take a swim in the
open. But it was recovered. An old gentleman
with spectacles hooked it out with the
end of his umbrella in a moment, quite pleased
to be of use. The little boys shouted, the
little girls tossed their manes, and careered
round the pool on slender black legs. Solemn
babies looked on from perambulators.
The big man started the big man-of-war
again, and the whole fleet came behind in
its wake.
Colonel Tempest was sitting on a seat
near the landing-place, where the ship-owners
had run to clutch their property a
moment ago. His hand was clenched on
something he held under his overcoat.
"When the big ship touches the edge,"
he said to himself.
They came slowly across the pool in a
flock. Every little boy shrieked to every
other little boy of his acquaintance to observe
how his particular craft was going. The big
man alone was perfectly apathetic, though
his priceless possession was the first, of
course. He began walking slowly round.
Half the children were at the landing before
him, calling to their boats, and stretching out
their hands towards them.
The big one touched land.
"Not this time," said Colonel Tempest
to himself; "next time."
How often he had said that already! How
often his hand had failed him when the
moment which he and that other self had
agreed upon had arrived! How often he
had gone guiltily back to the rooms to which
he had not intended to return, and had lain
down once more in the bed which had
become an accomplice to the torture of every
hour of darkness!
Between the horror of returning once
again, and the horror of the step into another
darkness, his soul oscillated with the feeble
violence of despair.
He remembered the going back of
yesterday.
"I will not go back again," he said to
himself, with the passion of a spoilt child.
"I will not—I will not."
"It is time to go home, Master Georgie,"
said a nursery-maid.
"Just once more, Bessie," pleaded the
boy. "Just one single once more."
"Well, then, it must be the last time,
mind," said the good-natured arbiter of fate,
turning the perambulator, and pushing it
along the edge, while the occupant of the
same added to the hilarity of the occasion
by beating a much-chewed musical rattle
against the wheel.
"The last time." The chance words seized
upon Colonel Tempest's shuddering panic-stricken
mind, and held it as in a vice.
"Next time," he said over and over
again to himself. "Next time shall really
be the last time—really the last, the very
last."
The boats were coming across again,
straggling wide of each other; how quick,
yet what an eternity in coming! The top-heavy
boat with the red sail would be the
first. It had been started long before the
others. The wind caught it near the edge.
It would turn over. No, it righted itself.
It neared, it bobbed in the ripple at the
brink; it touched.
Colonel Tempest's mind had become quite
numb. He only knew that for some imperative
reason which he had forgotten he
must pull the trigger. He half pulled it;
then again more decidedly.
There was a report. It stunned him
back to a kind of consciousness of what he
had done, but he felt nothing.
There was a great silence, and then a
shrieking of terrified children, and a glimpse
of agitated people close at hand, and others
running towards him.
The man with the big boat under his arm
said, "By gum!"
Colonel Tempest looked at him. He felt
nothing. Had he failed?
The smoke came curling out at his collar,
and something dropped from his nerveless
hand and lay gleaming on the grass. There
was a sound of many waters in his ears.
"He might have spared the children,"
said a man's voice, tremulous with indignation.
"That is always the way. No one thinks
of me," thought Colonel Tempest. And the
Round Pond and the growing crowd, and
the child nearest him with its convulsed face,
all turned slowly before his eyes, slid up,
and disappeared.
CHAPTER V.
"Vous avez bien froid, la belle; Comment vous appelez-vous? Les amours et les yeux doux De nos cercueils sont les clous. Je suis la morte, dit-elle. Cueillez la branche de houx." Victor Hugo.
AS John lay impatiently patient upon his
bed in the round oak-panelled room at
Overleigh during the weeks that followed his
accident, his thoughts by day, and by night,
varied no more than the notes of a chaffinch
in the trees outside.
"Oh, let the solid earth Not fail beneath my feet, Before I too have found What some have found so sweet!"
That was the one constant refrain. The
solid earth had nearly failed beneath his
feet, nearly—nearly. If the world might
but cohere together and not fly off into
space; if body and soul might but hold
together till he had seen Di once more,
till he knew for certain from her own lips
that she loved him! Unloved by any
woman until now, wistfully ignorant of
woman's tenderness, even of its first alphabet
learned at a mother's knee, unread in
all its later language,—in these days of convalescence
a passionate craving was upon
him to drink deep of that untasted cup
which "some have found so sweet."
He had Mitty, and Mitty at least was
radiantly happy during these weeks, with
John fast in bed, and in a condition to dispense
with other nursing than hers. She
sat with him by the hour together, mending
his socks and shirts, for she would not suffer
any one to touch his clothes except herself,
and discoursing to him about Di—a subject
which she soon perceived never failed to
interest him.
"Miss Dinah," Mitty would say for the
twentieth time, but without wearying her
audience—"now, there's a fine upstanding
lady for my lamb."
"Lady Alice Fane is very pretty, too,"
John would remark, with the happy knack
of self-concealment peculiar to the ostrich
and the sterner sex.
"Hoots!" Mitty replied. "She's nothing
beside Miss Dinah. If you have Lady
Fane with her silly ways, and so snappy
to her maid, you'll repent every hair of your
head. You take Miss Dinah, my dear, as
is only waiting to be asked. She wants
you, my precious," Mitty never failed to
add. "I tell you it's as plain as the nose on
your face" (a simile the force of which could
not fail to strike him). "It's not that Lord
Hemstitch, for all his pretty looks. It's
you."
And John told himself he was a fool, and
then secretly felt under the pillow for a
certain pencilled note which Di had left
with the doctor on her hurried departure
to London the morning after the ice carnival.
It had been given to him when he
was able to read letters. It was a short
note. There was very little in it, and a
great deal left out. It did not even go
over the page. But nevertheless John was
so very foolish as to keep it under his pillow,
and when he was promoted to his
clothes it followed into his pocket. Even
the envelope had a certain value in his eyes.
Had not her hand touched it, and written
his name upon it?
Lindo and Fritz, who had been consumed
with ennui during John's illness, were almost
as excited as their master when he hobbled,
on Mitty's arm, into the morning-room for
luncheon. Lindo was aweary of sediments
of beef-tea and sticks of toast. Fritz, who
had had a plethora of whites of poached
eggs, sniffed anxiously at the luncheon-tray
with its roast pheasant.
There were tricks and Albert biscuits
after luncheon, succeeded by heavy snoring
on the hearthrug.
John was almost as delighted as they were
to leave his sick-room. It was the first
step towards going to London. When
should he wring permission from his doctor
to go up on "urgent business"? Five
days, seven days? Surely in a week at
latest he would see Di again. He made
a little journey round the room to show
himself how robust he was becoming, and
wound up the old watches lying in the blue
du roi Sèvres tray, making them repeat one
after the other, because Di had once done
so. Would Di make this her sitting-room?
It was warm and sunny. Perhaps she
would like the outlook across the bowling-green
and low ivy-coloured balustrade away
to the moors. It had been his mother's
sitting-room. His poor mother. He looked
up at the pretty vacant face that hung over
the fireplace. He had looked at it so
often that it had ceased to make any definite
impression on him.
He wondered vaguely whether the happy
or the unhappy hours had preponderated in
this room in which she was wont to sit, the
very furniture of which remained the same
as in her quickly finished day. And then
he wondered whether, if she had lived, Di
would have liked her; for it was still early
in the afternoon, and he had positively
nothing to do.
He tried to write a few necessary letters
in the absence of Mitty, who was busy
washing his handkerchiefs, but he soon gave
up the attempt. The exertion made his
head ache, as he had been warned it would,
so he propelled himself across the room to
his low chair by the window.
What should he do till teatime? If only
he had asked Mitty for a bit of wash-leather
he might have polished up the brass slave-collar
in the Satsuma dish. He took it up
and turned it in his hands. It was a heavy
collar enough, with the owner's name engraved
thereon. "Roger Tempest, 1698."
"It must have galled him," said John to
himself; and he took up the gag next, and
put it into his mouth, and then had considerable
difficulty in getting it out again.
What on earth should he do with himself
till teatime?
One of the bits of Venetian glass
standing in the central niche of the lac
cabinet at his elbow had lost its handle.
He got up to examine it, and, thinking the
handle might have been put aside within,
pushed back the glass in the centre of the
niche, which, as in so many of its species,
shut off a small enclosed space between the
tiers of drawers. The glass door and its
little pillars opened inwards, but not without
difficulty. It was clogged with dust. The
handle of the Venetian glass was not inside.
There was nothing inside but a little old, old,
very old, glue-bottle, standing on an envelope,
and a broken china cup beside it, with
the broken bits in it. The hand that had
put them away so carefully to mend, on a
day that never came, was dust. They
remained. John took out the cup. It
matched one that stood in the picture-gallery.
The pieces seemed to be all there. He
began to fit them together with the pleased
interest of a child. He had really found
something to do at last. At the bottom
of the cup was a key. It was a very small
key, with a large head, matching the twisted
handles of the drawers.
This was becoming interesting. John put
down the cup, and fitted the key into the
lock of one of the drawers. Yes, it was
the right one. He became quite excited.
Half the cabinets in the house were locked,
and would not open; of some he had found
the keys by diligent search, but the keys
of others had never turned up. Here was
evidently one.
The key turned with difficulty, but still
it did turn, and the drawer opened. The
dust had crept over everything—over all the
faded silks and bobbins and feminine gear,
of which it was half full. John disturbed it,
and then sneezed till he thought he should
kill himself. But he survived to find among
the tangle of work a tiny white garment
half made, with the rusted needle still in it.
He took it out. What was it? Dolls'
clothing? And then he realized that it was
a little shirt, and that his mother had probably
been making it for him and had not
had time to finish it. John held the baby's
shirt that he ought to have worn in a very
reverent hand, and looked back at the picture.
That bit of unfinished work, begun for him,
seemed to bring her nearer to him than
she had ever been before. Yes, it was
hers. There was her ivory workbox, with
her initials in silver and turquoise on it, and
her small gold thimble had rolled into a
corner of the drawer. John put back the
little remnant of a love that had never
reached him into the drawer with a clumsy
gentleness, and locked it up. "I will show
it Di some day," he said.
The other drawers bore record. There
were small relics of girlhood—ball cards,
cotillon ribbons, a mug with "Marion Fane"
inscribed in gold on it, a slim book on confirmation.
"One of darling Spot's curls"
was wrapped in tissue-paper. John did not
even know who Spot was, except that from
the appearance of the lock he had probably
been a black retriever. Her childish little
possessions touched John's heart. He
looked at each one, and put it tenderly back.
Some of the drawers were empty. In
some were smart note-paper with faded
networks of silver and blue initials on them.
In another was an ornamental purse with
money in it and a few unpaid bills. John
wondered what his mother would have been
like now if she had lived. Her sister, Miss
Fane, had a weakness for gorgeous note-paper
and smart work-baskets which he had
often regarded with astonishment. It had
never struck him that his mother might have
had the same tastes.
He opened another drawer. More fancy-work,
a ball of silk half wound on a card, a
roll of vari-coloured embroidery, and, thrust
in among them, a half-opened packet of
letters. The torn cover which still surrounded
them was addressed to Mrs. Tempest,
Overleigh Castle, Yorkshire.
Inside the cover was a loose sheet which
fell apart from the packet, tied up separately.
On it was written, in a large cramped hand
that John knew well—
"I dare say you are wise in your generation
to prefer to break with me. 'Tout
lasse,' and then naturally 'on se range.' I
return your letters as you wish it, and as you
have been kind enough to burn mine already,
I will ask you to commit this last effusion to
the flames."
The paper was without date or signature.
John opened the packet, which contained
many letters, all in one handwriting, which
he recognized as his mother's. He read
them one by one, and, as he read, the pity in
his face gave place to a white indignation.
Poor foolish, foolish letters, to be read after
a lapse of eight and twenty years. John
realized how very silly his poor mother had
been; how worldly wise and selfish some
one else had been.
"We ought to have been married, darling,"
said one of the later letters, dated
from Overleigh, evidently after her marriage
with Mr. Tempest. "I see now we ought.
You said you were too poor, and you could
not bear to see me poor; but I would not
have minded that one bit—did not I tell you
so a hundred times? I would have learnt to
cook and mend clothes and everything if
only I might have been with you. It is
much worse now, feeling my heart is breaking
and yours too, and Fate keeping us
apart. And you must not write to me any
more now I am married, or me to you. It is
not right. Mother would be vexed if she
knew; I am quite sure she would. So this
is the very last to my dearest darling
Freddie, from poor Marion."
Alas! there were many, many more from
"poor Marion" after the very last; little
vacillating, feeble, gilt-edged notes, with every
other word under-dashed; some short and
hurried, some long and reproachful; sad
landmarks of each step of a blindfold wandering
on the brink of the abyss, clinging to
the hand that was pushing her over.
The last letter was a very long one.
"You have no heart," wrote the pointed,
slanting handwriting. "You do not care
what I suffer. I do not believe now you
ever cared. You say it would be an act of
folly to tell my husband, but you know I was
always silly. But it is not necessary. I am
sure he knows. I feel it. He says nothing,
but I know he knows. Oh, if I were only
dead and in my grave, and if only the baby
might die too, as I hope it will, as I pray to
God it will! If I die and it lives, I don't
know what will happen to it. Remember, if
he casts it off, it is your child. Oh, Freddie,
surely it can't be all quite a mistake. You
were fond of me once, before you made me
wicked, and when I am dead you won't feel
so angry and impatient with me as you do
now. And if the child lives and has no
friend, you will remember it is yours, won't
you? I am so miserable that I think God
will surely let me die. And the child may
come any day now. Last night I felt so ill
that I dared not put off any longer, and this
morning I burned all your letters to me,
every one, even the first about the white
violets. Do you remember that letter? It
is so long ago now; no, you have forgotten.
It is only I who remember, because it was
only I who cared. And I burned the locket
you gave me with your hair in it. It felt
like dying to burn it. Everything is all
quite gone. But I can't rest until you have
sent me back my letters. I can't trust you
to burn them. I know what trusting to you
means. Send them all back to me, and I
will burn them myself. Only be quick, be
quick; there is so little time. If they come
when I am ill, some one else may read them.
I hope if I live I shall never see your face
again; and if I die, I hope God will keep you
away from me. Oh! I don't mean it,
Freddie, I don't mean it; only I am so
miserable that I don't know what I write.
God forgive you. I would too if I thought
you cared whether I did or not. God forgive
us both.—M."
John looked back at the cover of the
packet. The Overleigh postmark was
blurred but legible. June the 8th, and the
year——. It was his birthday.
Her lover had sent back her letters, then,
with those few harsh lines telling her she
was wise in her generation. Even the last
he had returned. And they had reached her
on the morning of the day her child was
born. Had it been a sunny day, with no fire
on the hearth before which Lindo and Fritz
now lay stretched, into which she could have
dropped that packet? Had she not had
time even to burn them? She had glanced
at them, evidently. Had she been interrupted,
and had she thrust them for the
moment with her work into that drawer?
Futile inquiry. He should never know.
And she had had her wish. She had been
allowed to die, to hide herself away in the
grave. John's heart swelled with sorrowing
pity as at the sight of a child's suffering.
She had been very little more. She should
have her other wish, too.
He gathered up the letters, and, stepping
over the dogs, dropped them into the heart
of the fire. They were in the safe keeping
of the flames at last. They reached their
destination at last, but, a little late—twenty-eight
years too late.
And suddenly, as he watched them burn,
like a thunderbolt falling and tearing up the
ground on which he stood, came the thought,
"Then I am illegitimate."
The minute-hand of the clock on the
mantelpiece had made a complete circuit
since John had dropped the letters into the
fire, yet he had not stirred from the armchair
into which he had staggered the
moment afterwards.
His fixed eyes looked straight in front of
him. His lips moved at intervals.
"I am illegitimate," he said to himself,
over and over again.
But no, it was a nightmare, an hallucination
of illness. How many delusions he had
had during the last few weeks! He should
wake up presently and find he had been
torturing himself for nothing. If only Mitty
would come back! He should laugh at
himself presently.
In the mean while, and as it were in spite
of himself, certain facts were taking a new
significance, were arranging themselves into
an unexpected, horrible sequence. Link
joined itself to link, and lengthened to a
chain.
He remembered his father's evident dislike
of him; he remembered how Colonel
Tempest had contested the succession when
he died. As he had lost the case, John had
supposed, when he came to an age to suppose
anything, that the slander was without
foundation, especially as Mr. Tempest had
recognized him as his son. He had known
of its existence, of course, but, like the rest
of the world, had half forgotten it. That
Lord Frederick Fane (evidently the Freddie
of the letters) was even his supposed father,
had never crossed his mind. If he was like
the Fanes, why should he not be so? He
might as naturally resemble his mother's as
his father's family. He recalled Colonel
Tempest's inveterate dislike of him, Archie's
thankless reception of anything and everything
he did for him.
"I believe," said John, in astonished
recollection of divers passages between himself
and them—"I believe they think I know
all the time, and am deliberately keeping
them out."
That, then, was the reason why Mr. Tempest
had not discarded him. To recognize
him as his son was his surest means of
striking at the hated brother who came next
in the entail.
"I was made use of," said John, grinding
his teeth.
It was no use fighting against it. This
hideous, profane incredibility was the truth.
Even without the letters to read over again
he knew it was true.
"Remember, if he casts it out, it is your
child." The long-dead lips still spoke.
His mother had pronounced his doom
herself.
"I am illegitimate," said John to himself.
And he remembered Di and hid his face in
his hands, while his mother simpered at him
from the wall. The solid earth had failed
beneath his feet.
Let us beware how we sin, inasmuch as by
God's decree we do not pay. We could
almost conceive a right to do as we will, if
we could keep the penalty to ourselves,
and pay to the uttermost farthing. But
not from us is the inevitable payment required.
The young, the innocent, the
unborn, smart for us, are made bankrupt
for us; from them is exacted the deficit
which we have left behind. The sins of the
fathers are visited on the children heavily—heavily.
CHAPTER VI.
"What name doth Joy most borrow When life is fair? 'To-morrow.'" George Eliot.
ON her hurried return to London the
morning after the ice carnival, Di
found Mrs. Courtenay in that condition of
illness, not necessarily dangerous, in which
the linseed poultice and the steam-kettle
and the complexion of the beef-tea are the
objects of an all-absorbing interest, to the
exclusion of every other subject.
Di was glad not to be questioned upon
the one subject that was never absent from
her thoughts. As Mrs. Courtenay became
convalescent she was able to leave her for
an hour or two, and pace in the quieter
parts of Kensington Gardens. Happiness,
like sorrow, is easier to bear out-of-doors,
and Di had a lurking feeling that would
hardly bear being put into words, but was
none the worse company for that, that the
crocuses and the first bird-note in the trees
and the pale sky knew her secret and rejoiced
with her.
John would come to her. He was getting
well, and the first day he could he would
come to her, and tell her once more that
he loved her. And she? Impossible, incredible
as it seemed, she should tell him
that she loved him too. Imagination stopped
short there. Everything after that was a
complete blank. They would be engaged?
They would be married? Other people
who loved did so. Words, mere words, applicable
to "other people," but not to her
and John. Could such impossible happiness
ever come about? Never, never. She must
be mad to think of such a thing. It could
not be. Yet it was so; it was coming, it
was sure, this new, incomprehensible, dreaded
happiness, of which, now that it was almost
within her trembling hand, she hardly dared
to think.
"Di," said Mrs. Courtenay one afternoon,
as she came in from her walk, "there is a
paragraph in the paper about John. He is
going to contest —— at the general election,
in opposition to the present Radical member.
Did he say anything about it while you were
at Overleigh? It must have been arranged
some time ago."
"No, granny, he did not mention it."
"I am glad he is taking part in politics at
last. It is time. I may not live to see it,
but he will make his mark."
"I am sure he will," said Di.
Mrs. Courtenay looked in some perplexity
at her granddaughter. It seemed to her,
from Di's account, that she had taken John's
accident very placidly. She had not forgotten
the girl's apparent callousness when
his life had been endangered in the mine.
It was very provoking to Mrs. Courtenay
that this beautiful creature, whom she had
taken out for nearly four years, seemed to
have too much heart to be willing to marry
without love, and too little to fall genuinely
in love.
Mrs. Courtenay had gone to considerable
expense in providing her with a new and
becoming morning-gown for that visit, and
Di had managed to lose one of the lace
handkerchiefs she had lent her, and had
come back unengaged after all. Mrs.
Courtenay, who had taken care to accept
the invitation for her without consulting her,
and had ordered the gown in spite of Di's
remonstrances, felt keenly that if Di had
refused John, she had gone to that social
gathering under false pretences.
"Di," she said, "I seldom ask questions,
but I have been wondering during the last
few days whether you have anything to tell
me or not."
Considering that this was not a question,
it was certainly couched in a form conducive
to eliciting information.
"I have, and I have not," said Di. "Of
course I know what you expected, but it did
not happen."
"You mean John did not propose to you?"
"No, granny."
Mrs. Courtenay was silent. She was prepared
to be seriously annoyed with Di, and
it seemed John was in fault after all. There
is no relaxation for a natural irritability in
being angry with a person a hundred miles
off.
"I think he meant to," said Di, turning
pink.
Mrs. Courtenay saw the change of colour
with surprise.
"My dear," she said, "do you care for
him?"
"Yes," said Di, looking straight at her
grandmother.
"I am very thankful," said Mrs. Courtenay.
"I have nothing left to wish for."
"I believe I have sometimes done you an
injustice," she said tremulously, after wiping
her spectacles. "I thought you valued your
own freedom and independence too much to
marry. It is difficult to advise the young
to give their love if they don't want to.
Yet, as one grows old, one sees that the very
best things we women have lose all their
virtue if we keep them to ourselves. Our
love if we withhold it, our freedom if we
retain it,—what are they later on in life but
dead seed in our hands? Our best is ours
only to give. Our part is to give it to some
one who is worthy of it. I think John is
worthy. I wish he had managed to speak,
and that it were all settled."
"It is really settled," said Di. "Now and
then I feel frightened, and think I may have
made a mistake, but I know all the time that
is foolish. I am certain he cares for me,
and I am quite sure he knows I care for
him. Granny"—blushing furiously—"I often
wish now that I had not said quite so many
idiotic things about love and marriage before
I knew anything about them. Do you remember
how I used to favour you with my
views about them?"
"I don't think they were exactly idiotic.
Only the elect hesitate to pronounce opinions
on subjects of which they are ignorant. I
have heard extremely intelligent men say
things quite as silly about housekeeping, and
the rearing of infants. You, like them,
spoke according to your lights, which were
small. I don't know about charming men.
There are not any nowadays. But it is
always
'... a pity when charming women Talk of things that they don't understand.'"
"We should not have many subjects of
conversation if we did not," said Di.
And the old woman and the young one
embraced each other with tears in their eyes.
CHAPTER VII.
"Oh, well for him whose will is strong!" Tennyson.
THERE come times in our lives when
the mind lies broken on the revolving
wheel of our thought. "I am illegitimate."
That was the one thought which made John's
bed for him at night, which followed him
throughout the spectral day until it brought
him back to the spectral night again.
It was a quiver in which were many
poisoned arrows. Because the first that
struck him was well-nigh unbearable, the
others did not fail to reach their mark.
If he were nameless and penniless, he
could not marry Di. That was the first
arrow. Such marriages are possible only in
books and in that sacred profession which,
in spite of numerous instances to the contrary,
believes that "the Lord will provide."
Di would not be allowed to marry him, even
if she were willing to do so. And after a
time—a long time, perhaps—she would marry
some one else, possibly Lord Hemsworth.
John writhed. He had set his heart on
this woman. He had bent her strong will
to love him as a proud woman only can.
She had been hard to win, but she was his
as much as if they were already married;
his by right, as the living Galatea was by
right the sculptor's, who gave her marble
heart the throbbing life and love of his own.
"She is mine—I cannot give her up," he
said aloud.
There was no voice, nor any that answered.
Strange how the ploughshare turns up
little tags and ends of forgotten rubbish
buried by the mould of a few years' dust.
One utterance of Archie's, absolutely forgotten
till now, was continually recurring to
John's mind. Its barbed point rankled.
"There must be a mint of money in an
old barrack stuffed full of gimcracks like
this. If ever I wanted a hundred or two,
I would trot out one of those little silver
Johnnies in no time if they were mine."
And he would. If the thought of what
Colonel Tempest and Archie would achieve
after his own death had stung John as
Archie said that, how should he bear to
stand by and see them do it? The books,
the pictures, the family manuscripts which
he was even then arranging, the jewels, the
renowned diamond necklace that the Spanish
government had offered to buy from his
grandfather, which he had hoped one day
to clasp on Di's neck—all the possessions of
the past but almost regal state of a great
name, which he had kept with such a reverent
hand—he should live to see them cast
right and left, lost, sold, squandered, stolen.
Archie would give the diamonds to the first
actress who asked for them. Colonel Tempest
would be equally "open-handed."
As the days went on, John shut his eyes
to the pictures in the gallery as he passed
through it. A mute suspense and reproach
seemed to hang about the whole place. The
Velasquez and the Titian peered at him.
Tempest of the Red Hand clutched his
sword-hilt uneasily. Mieris' old Dutch-woman
seemed to have lost her interest in
selling her marvellous string of onions to
the little boy. Ribalta's Spanish Jesuit fingered
the red cross of Santiago embroidered
on his breast, and looked askance at John.
John turned back many times from the
library door. The new books which he had
had bound in exact reproduction of a beautiful
old missal of the Tempest collection, and
for the arrival of which he had been eagerly
waiting, remained untouched in their packing-cases.
He could not look at them.
Once he went into the dining-hall, unused
when he was alone, and opened one of the
ponderous shutters. The rich light pierced
the solemn gloom, catching the silver sconces
on the wall and the silver figures standing in
the carved niches above the fireplace.
"You will not give us up," they seemed
to say; and the little cavalier turned to his
lady with a shake of his head.
As John closed the shutter his eyes fell
on the Tempest motto on the pane, "Je le
feray durant ma vie;" and it stabbed him
like a knife.
He went out into the open air like one
pursued, and paced in the dead forest waiting
for the spring. All he had held so
sacred meant nothing then—nothing, nothing,
nothing. The Tempest motto, round which
he had bound his life, round which his
most solemn convictions and aspirations
had grown up, had nothing to do with
him. He had been mocked. He, a nameless
bastard, the offspring of a mere common
intrigue, had been fooled into believing
that he was John Tempest, the head of one
of the greatest families in England; that
Overleigh belonged to him and he to it as
entirely as—nay, more than—his own hands
and feet and eyes.
It was as if he had been acting a serious
part to the best of his ability on a stage with
many others, and suddenly they had all
dropped their masks and were grinning at
him with satyr faces in grotesque attitudes,
and he found that he alone had mistaken
a screaming farce, of which he was the butt,
for a drama of which he had imagined himself
one of the principal figures.
John laughed a harsh wild laugh under
the solemn overarching trees. Everything,
himself included, had undergone a hideous
distortion. His whole life was dislocated.
His faith in God and man wavered. The
key-stone of his existence was gone from
the arch, and the stones struck him as they
fell round him. The confusion was so great
that for the first few days he was incapable
of action, incapable of reflection, incapable of
anything.
Mitty! That thought came next. That
stung. He had nothing in the wide world
which he could call his own; no roof for
Mitty, no fire to warm her by. He was
absolutely without means. His mother's
small fortune he had sunk in an annuity for
Mr. Goodwin. What would become of
Mitty? How would she survive being uprooted
from her little nest in the garret
gallery? How would she bear to see her
lamb turned adrift upon the world? Mitty
was growing old, and her faithful love for
him would make the last years sorrowful
which were so happy now. Oh, if he could
only wait till Mitty died!
John had not wept a tear for himself, but
he hid his face against the trunk of one of
the trees that were not his, and sobbed
aloud at the thought of Mitty.
And next day came a letter from Archie,
saying that Colonel Tempest was at death's
door in one of the London hospitals, owing
to having accidentally shot himself with a
revolver. John sent money, much more than
was actually necessary, and drew breath.
Nothing could be done until Colonel Tempest
was either convalescent or dead. He
was reprieved from telling Mitty anything
for the moment.
And as the spring was just beginning to
whisper to the sleeping earth, and the buds
of the horse-chestnut to grow white and
woolly beneath the nursery windows, as
John had seen them many and many a time—how
or why I know not, but with the
waking of the year Mitty began to fail.
She had never been ill in John's recollection.
She had had "a bone in her leg"
occasionally, but excepting that mysterious
ailment and a touch of rheumatism in later
years, Mitty had always been quite well.
She was not actually ill now, but——
It was useless to tell her not to "do" her
nurseries herself, and to positively forbid her
to wash his socks and handkerchiefs. Mitty
worked exactly the same; and John with an
ache at his heart came indoors every day
in time for nursery tea, and Mitty made him
buttered toast, and was happy beyond words;
but I think her eyesight must have begun
to fail her, or she would have seen how
grey and haggard the face of her "lamb"
became as the days went by.
Who shall say when a thought begins?
Long before we see it, it was there, but our
eyes were holden. "L'amour commence
par l'ombre." So do many things besides
love.
The letters were destroyed. When did
John think of that first, or rather, when did
he first hear it whispered? Why was his
mind always going back to that?
He would not have burned them if he
had taken time to consider, but the first
impulse to do with them as their writer had
herself intended, had been acted upon before
he had even thought of their bearing upon
himself and others.
At any rate they were gone—quite gone—sprinkled
to the four winds of heaven.
There was no other proof.
And his—no, not his father—Mr. Tempest,
who knew all about him, had intended
him to be his heir. He had left him his
name and his place, with a solemn charge
to do his duty by them.
"I have done it," said John to himself,
"as those two would never have done.
Shall I let all go to rack and ruin now?
If I was not born a Tempest I have become
one. I am one, and if I marry one my
children will be Tempests, and those two
fools will not be suffered to pull Overleigh
stone from stone, and drag a great name
into the dust; as they would, as they
assuredly would."
Had not Mr. Tempest foreseen this when
he exacted that solemn promise from John
on his death-bed to uphold the honour of
the family? Could he break that promise?
And through the vain sophistries, upsetting
them all, a mad cry rang, "Di loves me!
She loves me at last! I cannot give her up!"
The challenge was thrown out into the
darkness. No one took it up.
A fierce restlessness laid hold on John.
He rushed up to London several times to
hear how Colonel Tempest was going on.
Each time he told himself that he was going
to see Di. But although the first time he
went to Colonel Tempest's lodgings the
servant informed him that Di was with her
father, he did not ask to see her. Each
time he came back without having dared to
go to the little house in Kensington. He
could not meet those grave clear eyes with
the new gentleness in them that went to his
head like wine. He knew they would make
him forget everything, everything except
that he loved her, and would sell his very
soul for her.
Time stopped. In all this enormous interval
the buds of the horse-chestnut had
not yet burst to green. It was ages since
he had seen the first primrose, and yet to-day,
as he walked in the woods on the day
after his return from another futile journey
to London, they were all out in the forest
still.
And something stirred within him that
had not deigned to take notice of all his
feverish asseverations and wanderings, that
had not rebuked him, that had not even
listened when he had said repeatedly that
he could not give up Di.
By an invisible hand the challenge was
taken up, and John knew the time of conflict
was at hand.
He walked on and on, not knowing where
he went, past the forest and the meadowland,
and away over the rolling moors, with
only Lindo for his companion.
At last his newly returned strength failing
him, he threw himself down in the dry windswept
heather. He had not outstripped his
thoughts. This was the appointed place.
He knew it even as he flung himself down.
His hour was come.
It was an April afternoon, pale and bleak.
The late frost had come back, and had
silenced the birds. One only deeply in
love, somewhere near at hand, but invisible,
repeated plaintively over and over again a
small bird-name in the silence of the shrinking
spring.
And John's heart said over and over again
one little word—
"Di, Di, Di!"
There are some sacrifices which partake
of the nature of self-mutilation. That is why
principle often falls before the onslaught of
a deep human passion, which is nothing but
the rebellion of human nature brought to
bay, against the execution upon itself of that
dread command of the spiritual nature, "If
thy right hand offend thee, cut it off."
To give up certain affections is with some
natures to give up all possibility of the
quickening into life of that latent maturer
self that craves for existence in each one
of us. It is to take, for better for worse, a
more meagre form of life, destitute, not of
happiness perhaps, but of those common
joys and sorrows which most of all bind us
in sympathy with our fellow-men. What
marriage in itself is to the majority, the love
of one fellow-creature, and one only, is to
the few. To a few, happily a very few,
there is only one hand that can minister
among the pressure of the crowd. There
was none other woman in the world for
John, save only Di. Sayings common to
vulgarity, profaned by every breach of
promise case, can yet be true sometimes.
"Di, Di, Di!" said John.
He tried to recall her face, but he could
not. When they were together he had not
seen her; he had only felt her presence, only
trembled at each slight movement of her
hands. He always watched them when he
was talking to her. He knew every movement
of those strong, slender hands by
heart. She had a little way of opening and
shutting her left hand as she talked. He
smiled even now as he thought of it. And
she had a certain wave in her hair just above
the ear, that was not the same over the
other ear. But her face—no, he could not
see her face.
He tried again. They were sitting once
again, he and she, not very near, nor very
far apart, in the low entresol room at Overleigh.
He could see her now. She was
arranging the lilies of the valley, and he was
saying to himself, as he watched her with
his chin in his hands, "This is only the
beginning. There will be many times like
this, only dearer and sweeter than this."
Many times! That deep conviction had
proved as false as all the rest—as false as
everything else which he had trusted.
And all in a moment as he looked, as
he remembered, was it endurance, was it
principle, that seemed to snap?
He set his teeth and ground his heel into
the earth. Agony had come upon him.
Passion, writhing in torment, rose gigantic
without warning and seized him in a Titan
grip. It was a duel to the death.
John sat motionless in the solitude of the
heather. The bird was silent. On either
hand the level moors met the level sky.
Lindo walked in and out in semi and total
eclipse near at hand, now emerging life-size
upon a hillock, now visible only as an erect
travelling tail amid the heather. The sun
came faintly out. There was a little speech
of bees, a little quivering among the poised
spears of the tall bleached grasses against
the sky.
Time passed.
John's was not the easy faith which believes
that in another world what has been given
up in this will be restored a thousandfold.
The hope of future reward had no more
power to move him than the fear of future
punishment. The heaven of rewards of
which those speak who have authority, would
be no heaven at all to many; a place from
which the noblest would turn away. Love
worthy of the name, even down here, gives
all, asking nothing back.
John did not try to define even to himself
the faith by which he had lived so far; but
as the veiled sun stooped near and nearer to
the west, he began to see, as clearly as he
saw the sword-grass shaking against the sky,
that he was about to remain true to it, or be
false to it for ever.
Perhaps that faith was more than anything
else a stern allegiance to the Giver of that
law within the heart which independent
natures ever recognize as the only true
authority; which John had early elected to
obey, which he had obeyed with ease, till
now. He had been condemned by many as
a freethinker; for to be obedient to the
divine prompting has ever been stigmatized
as lawlessness by those who are obedient to
a written code. John had no code.
Yet God, who made (if the tourists who
cheaply move in flocks on beaten highways
could only believe it) those solitary,
isolated natures, knew what He was about.
And to those to whom little human guidance
is vouchsafed He adds courage, and that
self-reliance which comes only of a deep-rooted
faith in a God who will not keep
silence, who will not leave the traveller
journeying towards Him unpiloted upon a
lonely shore, or ultimately suffer His least
holy one to see corruption.
John looked wildly round him. Even
nature seemed to have turned against him.
It spoke of peace when there was no peace.
For nature has no power to mitigate the
bitterness of that cup of self-surrender which
even Christ Himself, beneath the kindred
stars of still Gethsemane, prayed might pass
from Him.
John hid his convulsed face in his
hands.
The crises of life have their hour of loneliness
and prostration, their agony and bloody
sweat. That cup which may not pass, how
ennobling it is to read of in the lives of
others, how interesting to theorize upon in
our own; how appalling in actual experience,
when it is in our hands to drink or to refuse;
refusing for ever with it, if we accept it not,
the hand of Him who offers it!
The solemn world of grey earth and sky
waited. The light in the west waited. How
much longer were they to wait? How much
longer would this bowed figure sway itself to
and fro?
"I will do it!" said John suddenly, and
with a harsh inarticulate cry he flung himself
down on his face among the heather,
clutching the soft earth; for the Hand of the
God whom he would not deny was heavy
on him.
CHAPTER VIII.
"The dead abide with us! Though stark and cold Earth seems to grip them, they are with us still. They have forged our chains of being for good or ill." Mathilde Blind.
JOHN was late. Mitty looked out
several times to see if he were coming,
and then put down the tea-cake to the fire.
At last his step came slowly along the
garret gallery, and Lindo, who approved of
nursery tea, walked in first, his dignity
somewhat impaired by a brier hanging from
his back flounce.
John saw the firelight through the open
door, and the figure in the low chair waiting
for him. She had heard him coming, and
was getting stiffly up to make the tea.
"Mitty, you should not wait for me," he
said, sitting down in his own place by the fire.
Would they let her keep the brass kettle
and her silver teapot? Yes, no doubt they
would; but somebody would have to ask.
He supposed he should be that somebody.
Everything she possessed had been bought
by himself with other people's money.
He let the tea last as long as possible. If
Lindo had more than his share of tea-cake,
no one was the wiser. At last Mitty cleared
away, and sat down in the rocking-chair.
"Don't light the candles, Mitty."
"Why not, my dear? I can't be settin'
with my hands before me, and holes in your
socks a shame to be seen."
John came and sat down on the floor
beside her, and leaned his head against
her.
"Never mind the socks just now. There
is something I want to talk to you about."
He looked at the fire through the bars
of the high nursery fender, and something
in its glimmer, seen from so near the floor
through the remembered pattern of the wires
which he had lost sight of for twenty years,
suddenly recalled the times when he had sat
on the hearthrug, as he was sitting now,
with his head against Mitty's knee, confiding
to her what he would do when he was a man.
"Do you remember, Mitty," he said, "how
I used to tell you that when I grew up you
should ride in a carriage, and have a gold
brooch, and a clock that played a tune?"
"I remember, my darling; and how, next
time Charles went into York, you give him
all you had, and half a crown it was, to buy
me a brooch, and the silly staring fool went
and spent it, and brought back that great
thing with the mock stones in. And you
was as pleased as pleased. Eh! I was
angry with Charles for taking your bits of
money, and all he said was, 'Well, Mrs.
Emson, I went to a many shops, and I give
five shillin's for it so as to get a big un.'"
"I remember it," said John. "It was
about the size of a small poultice. And so
Charles paid half. Good old Charles! I
seem to have been much deceived in my
youth."
His deep-set eyes watched the fire, watched
the semblance of a little castle in the heart
of the glow. Mitty was quite happy with
her darling's head against her knee.
"When the castle falls in I will tell her,"
said John to himself.
But the fire had settled itself. The castle
held. At last Mitty put out her hand, and
gave it a poke; not with the brass poker, of
course, but with a little black slave which
did that polished aristocrat's work for it.
"Mitty," said John, "I am not so rich
now as when I was in pinafores; and even
then, you see, the brooch was not bought
with my own money. Charles gave half.
I have never given you anything that was
paid for with my own money. I have been
spending other people's all my life."
"Why, bless your dear heart!" said Mitty;
"and who gave me my silver teapot, I should
like to know, and the ivory workbox, and
that very kettle a-staring you in the face,
and the Wedgwood tea-things, and—and
everything, if it was not you?"
John did not answer. His face twitched.
The bars of the fender were blurred. The
brass kettle, instead of staring him in the
face, melted quite away.
Mitty stroked his head and face.
"Cryin'!" she said—"my lamby cryin'!"
"Not for myself, Mitty."
"Who for, then? For that Miss Dinah?"
"No, Mitty, for you. This is no home for
you and me." He took her hard hand and
rubbed his cheek against it. "It belongs to
Colonel Tempest. I am not my father's
son, Mitty."
"Well, my precious," said Mitty, soothingly,
in no wise discomposed by what John
feared would have quite overwhelmed her,
"and if your poor mammy did say as much
to me when she was light-headed, when her
pains was on her, there's no call to fret about
that, seeing it's a long time ago, and her
dead and all. Poor thing! I can see her
now, with her pretty eyes and her little
hands, and she'd put her head against me
and say, 'Nursey' (Nursey I was to her),
'I'm not fit neither to live nor to die.'
Many and many's the night I've roared to
think of her after she was gone, when you
was asleep in your crib. But there's no
need for you to fret, my deary."
John's heart contracted. Mitty knew also.
Oh, if he might but have started life
knowing what even Mitty knew!
"They'd no business to marry her to Mr.
Tempest," continued Mitty, shaking her
head, "and she, poor thing, idolizing that
black Lord Fane, as was her first cousin.
It wasn't likely, after that, she'd settle to
Mr. Tempest, who was as light as tow. It
was against nature. She never took a bit
of interest in him, nor him in her neither,
that I could see. A hard man he was, too—a
hard man. She sent for him when she
was dying. She would not see him while
there was any chance. 'Forgive me,' she
says; she says it over and over, me holding
her up. 'I wouldn't ask it if I was staying,
but I'm doing the best I can by dying. It's
not much to make up, but it's the best I can.
And,' she says, 'don't think, Jack, as all
women are bad like me. There's a many
good ones as 'ull make you happy yet when
I'm gone.' I can see him now, standing by
her, looking past her out of the window with
his face like a flint. 'I've known two false
ones,' he says; and he went away without
another word. And she says after a bit
to me, 'I've always been frightened at the
very thought of dying, but it's living I'm
frightened of now.' Eh! Master John, your
poor mammy! She did repent. And Mr.
Tempest sent for me to the library after the
funeral, and he says, 'Promise me, nurse,
that you'll never repeat what your mistress
said to me when she was not herself.' And
he looked hard at me, and I promised. And
I've never breathed it to any living soul, not
to one I haven't, from that day to this."
"I found it out three weeks ago," said
John. "And as I am not Mr. Tempest's
son, everything I have belongs by right to
Colonel Tempest, the next heir, not to
me. Overleigh is not mine. It never was
mine."
But Mitty could not be made to understand
what his mother's frailty had to do
with John. When at last she grasped the
idea that John would make known the fact
that he was not his father's son, she was
simply incredulous that her lamb could do
such a thing—could bring shame upon his
own mother. No, whatever else he might
do, he would never do that. Why, Mrs.
Alcock would know; and friends as she was
with Mrs. Alcock, and had been for years,
such a word had never passed her lips.
And the people in the village, and the trades-people,
and Jones and Evans from York,
who were putting up the new curtains,—everybody
would know. Mitty became quite
agitated. Surely, surely, he'd never tell
against his poor mother in her grave.
"Mitty," said John, forcing himself to
repeat what it had been difficult enough
to say once, "don't you see that I can't stay
here and keep what is not mine? Nothing
is mine if I am not Mr. Tempest's son. I
ought never to have been called so. We
must go away."
But Mitty was perplexed.
"Not to that great weary house in London,"
she said anxiously, "with every spot of
water to carry up from the bottom?"
"That is not mine either," said John in
despair, rising to his feet and standing before
her. "Oh, Mitty, try and understand.
Nothing is mine—nothing, nothing, nothing;
not even the clothes I have on. I am a
beggar."
Mitty looked at him in a dazed way.
She could not understand, but she could
believe. Her chin began to tremble.
It was almost a relief to see at last the
tears which he had dreaded from the first.
"My lamb a beggar," she said over and
over again; and she cried a little, but not
much. Mitty was getting old, and she was
not able to realize a change—a change so
incomprehensible as this.
"But we need not be unhappy," said John,
kneeling down by her, and putting his arms
round her. "We shall be together still.
Wherever I go you will go with me. I don't
know yet where it will be, but we shall have
a little home together somewhere, just you and
I; and you'll do my socks and handkerchiefs,
won't you, Mitty? and"—John controlled
his voice, but he hid his face in her lap that
she might not see it—"we'll be so happy
together." At the moment I think John
would have given up heaven itself to make
that hour smooth to Mitty. "And your
cakes, Mitty," he went on hoarsely. "They
are better than any one else's. You shall
have a little kitchen, and you will make
the cakes yourself, won't you? and the"—his
voice stumbled heavily—"the rock
buns."
"My precious," said Mitty, sobbing,
"don't you fret yourself! I can make a
many things besides them; Albert puddings
and moulds, and them little cheese straws,
and a sight of things. There's a deal of
work in my old hands yet. It's only the
spring as has took the starch out of me.
I always feel a sinking in the spring. Lord,
my darling, the times and times again I've
been settin' here just dithering with a mossel
of crotchet, or idling over a bit of reading,
and wishing you was having a set of nightshirts
to make!"
Love had found out the way. John had
appealed to the right instinct. Mitty was
already busying herself with a future in
which she should minister to her child's
comfort, and John saw, with a relief that was
half a pang, that the calamity of his life held
hardly any place in the heart that loved him
so much.
"I've a sight of things," continued Mitty,
wiping her eyes. "Books and pictures and
cushions put away. My precious shall not
go short. And there's two pair of linen
sheets as I bought with my own money,
and piller-slips to match, and six silver teaspoons
and one dessert. My lamb shall
have things comfortable about him."
She fell to communing with herself. John
did not speak.
"I'll leave my places tidy," said Mitty.
"Tidy I didn't find 'em, but tidy I'll leave
'em. I can't go till after the spring cleaning,
Master John. I'll never trust that Fanny
to do the scrubbing unless I'm behind her.
I caught her washing round the mats instead
of under only last week."
John felt unable to enter into the question
of the spring cleaning. There was another
silence.
At last Mitty said defiantly, "And I
shall take your morroccy shoes, and your
little chair as I give you myself. I don't
care what anybody says, I shall take
'em. And the old horse and the Noey's
ark."
"It will be all right," said John, getting
slowly to his feet. "Nobody will want to
have them, or anything of mine;" and he
kissed her, and went out.
He went to the library and sat down by
the fire.
The resolution and aspiration of a few
hours ago—where were they now? He felt
broken in body and soul.
Lindo came in, nibbled John's elbow, and
scrutinized the fire. John scratched him
absently on the top of his back between the
tufts.
"Lindo," he said, "the world is a hard
place to live in."
But Lindo, bulging with an unusual allowance
of tea-cake, and winnowing the air
with an appreciative hind leg, did not
think so.
CHAPTER IX.
"Et souvent au moment où l'on croyait tenir Une espérance, on voit que c'est un souvenir." Victor Hugo.
WHEN Colonel Tempest lay in a precarious
condition owing to the unexpected
explosion of a revolver which he
was taking to his gun-maker, and which
he believed to be unloaded—when this
fatality occurred, Mrs. Courtenay somewhat
relaxed the stringency of her usual demeanour
to him, and allowed his daughter
to be with him constantly in the hospital to
which he was first conveyed, and afterwards
in his rooms in Brook Street when he was
sufficiently convalescent to be conveyed
thither.
Colonel Tempest was a trying patient;
in one sense he was not a patient at all;
melting into querulous tears when denied
a sardine on toast for which his soul
thirsted, the application of which would
infallibly have separated his soul from his
body; and bemoaning continually, when
consciousness was vouchsafed to him, the
neglect of his children and the callousness
of his friends. Di bore it with equanimity.
It is only true accusations which one feels
obliged to contradict. She did not love
her father, and his continual appeals to her
pity and filial devotion touched her but
little. Colonel Tempest confided to his
nurse in the night-watches that he was the
parent of heartless children, and when Di
took her place in the daytime, reviled the
nurse's greed, who, whether he was suffering
or not, could eat a large meal in the middle
of the night.
"I hate nurses," he would say. "Your
poor mother had such a horrid nurse when
Archie was born. I could not bear her,
always making difficulties and restrictions,
and locking the door, and then complaining
to the doctor because I rattled the lock.
I urged your mother to part with her whenever
she was not in the room. But she
only cried, and said she could not do without
her, and that she was kind to her. That
was your mother all over. She always
sided against me. I must say she knew the
value of tears, did your poor mother. She
cried herself into hysterics when I rang the
front door bell at four in the morning because
I had gone out without a latch-key. I
suppose she expected me to sit all night on
the step. And first the nurse and then the
doctor spoke to me about agitating her, and
said it was doing her harm; so I just walked
straight out of the house, and never set foot
in it again for a month till they had both
cleared out. They overreached themselves
that time."
Archie, who looked in once a day for the
space of ten seconds, came in for the largest
share of Colonel Tempest's reproaches.
"I don't like sick people," that young
gentleman was wont to remark. "Don't
understand 'em. No use. Nursing not in
my line. Better out of the way."
So, with the consideration of his kind, he
was so good as to keep out of it, while
Colonel Tempest wept salt tears into his
already too salt beef-tea (it was always too
salt or not salt enough), and remarked with
bitterness that he could have fancied a
sardine, and that other people's sons nursed
their parents when they were at death's door.
Young Grandcourt had never left his father's
bedside for three weeks when he had pneumonia;
but Archie, it seemed, was different.
"My children are not much comfort to
me," he told the doctor as regularly as he
put out his tongue.
"John might have come," he said one day
to Di. "He got out of it by sending a
cheque, but I think he might have taken the
trouble just to come and see whether I was
alive or dead."
"John is ill himself," said Di.
"John is always ill," said Colonel Tempest,
fretfully, with the half-memory of convalescence—"always
ailing and coddling himself;
and yet he has twice my physique.
John grows coarse-looking—very coarse.
I fancy he is a large eater. I remember
he was ill in the summer. I went to see
him. I was always sitting with him; and
there did not seem to be much the matter
with him. I think he gives way."
"Perhaps it is a family failing," said Di,
who was beginning to discover what a continual
bottling up and corking down of
effervescent irritation is comprised under the
name of patience.
How many weeks was it after Di's return
to London when a cloud no larger than a
man's hand arose on the clear horizon of
that secret happiness which no amount of
querulousness on Colonel Tempest's part
could effectually dim? It was a very small
cloud. It took the shape of a card with
John's name on it, who had come to Brook
Street to inquire after his uncle.
"He is in London. He will call this
afternoon," said Di to herself; and as
Colonel Tempest happened to be too sleepy
to wish to be read to, she left him early in
the afternoon, and hurried home. And she
and Mrs. Courtenay sat indoors all that
afternoon, though they had been lent a
carriage, and they waited to make tea till
after the time; and whenever the door bell
rang, Mrs. Courtenay's hands shook quite as
much as Di's. And aimless, foolish persons
called, but John did not call.
"He is ill," said Mrs. Courtenay in the
dusk, "or he has been prevented coming.
There is some reason. He will write."
"Yes," said Di, "he will come when
he can." But nevertheless a little shiver of
doubt crept into her heart for the first time.
"If I had been in his place," she said to
herself, "I should have come ill or well, and
I should not have been prevented."
She put the thought aside instantly as
unreasonable, but the shy dread she had
previously felt of meeting him changed to
a restless longing just to see him, just to be
reassured.
To be loved by one we love is, after all, so
incredible a revelation that it is not wonderful
that human nature seeks after a sign.
Only a great self-esteem finds love easy to
believe in.
The days passed, and linked themselves
to weeks. Was it fancy, or did Mrs. Courtenay
become graver day by day? and Di
remembered with misgiving a certain note
which she had written to John the morning
she left Overleigh. The little cloud grew.
One afternoon Di came in rather later
than usual, and after a glance round the
room, which had become habitual to her, sat
down by her grandmother, and poured out
tea.
"Any callers, granny?"
"One—Archie."
Di sighed. Coming home had always the
possibility in it of finding some one sitting
in the drawing-room, or a note on the hall
table. Yet neither possibility happened.
"Archie came to say that the doctor
thinks your father does not gain ground,
and that he might be moved to the seaside
with advantage. He wanted to know
whether you could go with him. He can't
get leave himself for more than a couple of
days. I said I would allow you to do so, if
he took your father down himself, and got
him settled. He can do that in two days,
and he ought to take his share. He has
left everything to you so far. He mentioned,"
continued Mrs. Courtenay with an
effort, "that he had met John at the Carlton
yesterday, and that he was all right, and
able to go about again as usual. He went
back to Overleigh to-day."
There was a long silence.
"What do you think, granny?" said Di
at last.
"How long is it since you were at Overleigh?"
"Two months."
"When you were there did you allow
John to see that you had changed your mind,
or were you friendly with him, as you used
to be? Nothing discourages men so much
as that."
"No; I tried to be, but I could not. I
don't know what I was, except very
uncomfortable."
"Had he any real opportunity of speaking
to you without interruption?"
Di remembered the half-hour in the
entresol sitting-room. It had never occurred
to her till that moment that certainly, if he
had wished to do so, he could have spoken
to her then.
"Yes," she said, "he had; and," she
added, "I am sure he knew I liked him. If
he did not know it then, I am quite sure he
knows it now. I wrote a note."
"What kind of note?"
"Oh, granny, that is just it. I don't
know what kind it was. It seemed natural
at the time. I can't remember exactly what
I said. I've tried to, often. It was written
in such a hurry, for you telegraphed for me,
and I had been up all night waiting to hear
whether he was to live or die, and it was
so dreadful to have to go away without a
word."
Mrs. Courtenay leaned back in her chair.
She seemed tired.
"Tell me what you think," said Di again.
"I think," said Mrs. Courtenay, "that if
John had been seriously attached to you, he
would either have come, or have answered
your letter by this time. I am afraid we
have made a mistake."
Di did not answer. The world was
crumbling down around her.
"I may be making one now," said Mrs.
Courtenay; "but it appears to me he has
had every opportunity given him, and he
has made no use of them. Men worth
their salt make their opportunities, but if
they don't even take them when they are
ready-made to their hand, they cannot be
in earnest. Women don't realize what a
hateful position a man is in who is deeply
in love, and who has no knowledge of
whether it is returned or not. He won't
remain in it any longer than he can help."
"John is not in that position," said Di,
colouring painfully. "Granny, why don't
you reproach me for writing that letter?"
"Because, my dear, though I regret it
more than I can say, I should have done
the same in your place."
"And—and what would you do now in
my place?"
"This," said Mrs. Courtenay. "You cannot
dismiss the subject from your mind, but
whenever it comes into your thoughts, hold
steadily before you the one fact that he is
certainly aware you are attached to him,
and he has not acted on that knowledge."
"They say men don't care for anything
when once they know they can have it,"
said Di hoarsely, pride wringing the words
out of her. "Perhaps John is like that.
He knows I—am only waiting to be asked."
"Fools say many things," returned Mrs.
Courtenay. "That is about as true as that
women don't care for their children when
they get them. A few unnatural ones don't;
the others do. I have seen much trouble
caused by love affairs. After middle life
most people decry them, especially those
who have had superficial ones themselves;
for there is seldom any love at all in the
mutual attraction of two young people, and
the elders know very well that if it is judiciously
checked it can also be judiciously
replaced by something else. But a real love
which comes to nothing is more like the
death of an only child than anything else.
It is a death. The great thing is to regard
it so. I have known women go on year
after year waiting, as we have been doing
during the last two months, refusing to
believe in its death; believing, instead, in
some misunderstanding; building up theories
to account for alienation; clinging to the
idea that things might have turned out
differently if only So-and-so had been more
tactful, if they had not refused a certain invitation,
if something they had said which
might yet be explained had not been misconstrued.
And all the time there is no
misunderstanding, no need of explanation.
The position is simple enough. No man
is daunted by such things except in women's
imaginations. What men want they will
try to obtain, unless there is some positive
bar, such as poverty. And if they don't
try, remember the inference is sure, that
they don't really want it."
Di did not answer. Her face had taken
a set look, which for the first time reminded
Mrs. Courtenay of her mother. She had
often seen the other Diana look like that.
"My child," she said, stretching out her
soft old hand, and laying it on the cold
clenched one, "a death even of what is
dearest to us, and a funeral and a headstone
to mark the place, hard as it is, is as
nothing compared to the death in life of an
existence which is always dragging about a
corpse. I have seen that not once nor twice.
I want to save you from that."
Di laid her face for a moment on the
kind hand.
"I will bury my dead," she said.
CHAPTER X.
"And now we believe in evil Where once we believed in good. The world, the flesh, and the devil Are easily understood." Gordon.
IT seems a pity that our human destinies
are too often so constituted that with
our own hands we may annul in one hour—our
hour of weakness—the long, slow
work of our strength; annul the self-conquest
and the renunciation of our best years.
We ought to be thankful when the gate of
the irrevocable closes behind us, and the
power to defeat ourselves is at last taken
from us. For he who has once solemnly
and with conviction renounced, and then,
for no new cause, has taken to himself again
that which he renounced, has broken the
mainspring of his life.
John went early the following morning
to London, for he had business with three
men, and he could not rest till he had seen
them, and had shut that gate upon himself
for ever.
So early had he started that it was barely
midday when he reached Lord Frederick's
chambers. The valet told him that his lordship
was still in bed, and could see no one;
but John went up to his bedroom, and
knocked at the door.
"It is I—John Tempest," he said, and
went in.
Lord Frederick was sitting up in bed,
sallow and shrunk like a mummy, in a blue
watered-silk dressing-gown. His thin hair
was brushed up into a crest on the top
of his head. The bed was littered with
newspapers and letters. There was a tray
before him, and he was in the act of chipping
an egg as John came in.
He raised his eyebrows and looked first
with surprised displeasure, and then with
attention, at his visitor.
"Good morning," he said; and he went
on tapping his egg. "Ah," he said, shaking
his head, "hard-boiled again!"
John looked at him as a plague-stricken
man might look at the carcase of some
obscene animal found rotting in his water-spring.
Lord Frederick's varied experiences had
made him familiar with the premonitory
symptoms of those outbursts of anger and
distress which he designated under the all-embracing
term of "scenes." He felt idly
curious to know what this man with his
fierce white face had to say to him.
"Oblige me by sitting down," he said;
"you are in my light."
"I have been reading my mother's letters
to you," said John, still standing in the
middle of the room, and stammering in his
speech. He had not reckoned for the blind
paroxysm of rage which had sprung up at
the mere sight of Lord Frederick, and was
spinning him like a leaf in a whirlwind.
"Indeed!" said Lord Frederick, raising
his eyebrows, and carefully taking the shell
off his egg. "I don't care about reading
old letters myself, especially the private
correspondence of other people; but tastes
differ. You do, it seems. I had imagined
the particular letters you allude to had been
burnt."
"My mother intended to burn them."
"It would certainly have been wiser to
do so, but probably for that reason they
remained undestroyed. From time immemorial
womankind has shown a marked
repugnance to the dictates of common
sense."
"I have burnt them."
"Just so," said Lord Frederick, helping
himself to salt. "I commend your prudence.
Had you burnt them unread, I should have
been able to commend your sense of honour
also."
"What do you know about honour?" said
John.
The two men looked hard at each other.
"That remark," said Lord Frederick,
joining the ends of his fingers and half
shutting his eyes, "is a direct insult. To
insult a man with whom you are not in a
position to quarrel is, in my opinion, John,
an error of judgment. We will consider it
one, and as such I will let it pass. The
letters, I presume, contained nothing of
which you were not already aware?"
"Only the fact that I am your illegitimate
son."
"I deplore your coarseness of expression.
You certainly have not inherited it from me.
But, my dear Galahad, it is impossible that
even your youth and innocence should not
have known of my tendresse for your
mother."
"Is that the last new name for adultery?"
said John huskily, advancing a step nearer
the bed. His face was livid. His eyes
burned. He held his hands clenched lest
they should rush out and wrench away all
semblance of life and humanity from that
figure in the watered-silk dressing-gown.
Lord Frederick lay back on his pillows,
and looked at him steadily. He was without
fear, but it appeared to him that he was
about to die. The laws of his country, of
conscience and of principle, all the protection
that envelops life, seemed to have receded
from him, to have slipped away into the
next room, or downstairs with the valet.
They would come back, no doubt, in time,
but they might be a little late, as far as he
was concerned.
"He has strong hands, like mine," he
said to himself, his pale, unflinching eyes
fixed upon his son's; while a remembrance
slid through his mind of how once, years ago,
he had choked the life out of a mastiff which
had turned on him, and how long the heavy
brute had taken to die.
"Do not spill the coffee," he said quietly,
after a moment.
John started violently, and wheeled away
from him like a man regaining consciousness
on the brink of an abyss. Lord
Frederick put out his lean hand, and went
on with his breakfast.
There was a long silence.
"John," said Lord Frederick at last, not
without a certain dignity, "the world is as it
is. We did not make it, and we are not
responsible for it. If there is any one who
set it going, it is his own look out. Reproach
him, if you can find him. All we
have to do is to live in it. And we can't
live in it, I tell you we can't exist in it, with
any comfort until we realize that it is rotten
to the core."
John was leaning against the window-sill
shaking like a reed. It seemed to him that
for one awful moment he had been in hell.
"I do not pretend to be better than other
men," continued Lord Frederick. "Men
and women are men and women; and if you
persist in thinking them angels, especially
the latter, you will pay for your mistake."
"I am paying," said John.
"Possibly. You seem to have sustained
a shock. It is incredible to me that you did
not know beforehand what the letters told
you. Wedding-rings don't make a greater
resemblance between father and son than
there is between you and me."
Lord Frederick looked at the stooping
figure of the young man, leaning spent and
motionless against the window, his arms
hanging by his sides. He held what he
called his prudishness in contempt, but he
respected an element in him which he would
have termed "grit."
"You are stronger built than I am, John,"
he said, with a touch of pride, "and wider in
the chest. Come, bygones are bygones.
Shake hands."
"I can't," said John. "I don't know that
I could on my account, but anyhow not on
hers."
"H'm! And so this was the information
which you rushed in without leave to spring
upon me?"
"It was, together with the fact that of
course I withdraw in favour of Colonel
Tempest, the heir at law. I am going on
to him from here."
Lord Frederick reared himself slowly in
his bed, his brown hands clutching the bedclothes
like eagles' talons.
"You are going to own your——"
"My shame—yes; not yours. You need
not be alarmed. Your name shall not be
brought in. If I take the name of Fane, it
will only be because it was my mother's."
"But you said you had burned the
letters."
"I have. I don't see what difference that
makes. The fact that they are burnt does
not alter the fact that I am—nobody, and he
is the legal heir."
"And you mean to tell him so?"
"I do."
"To commit suicide?"
"Social suicide—yes."
"Fool!" said Lord Frederick, in a voice
which lost none of its force because it was
barely above a whisper.
John did not answer.
"Leave the room," said the outraged
parent, turning his face to the wall, the bedclothes
and the tray trembling exceedingly.
"I will have nothing more to do with you.
You need not come to me when you are
penniless. Do you hear? I disown you.
Leave me. I will never speak to you
again."
"I hope to God you never will," said
John; and he took up his hat and went out.
He had settled his account with the first
of the three people whom he had come to
London to see. From Lord Frederick's
chambers he went straight to Colonel
Tempest's lodgings in Brook Street. But
Colonel Tempest had that morning departed
with his son to Brighton, and John,
momentarily thrown off his line of action
by that simple occurrence, stared blankly at
the landlady, and then went to his club and
sat down to write to him. There was no
question of waiting. Like a man walking
across Niagara on a tight rope, it was no
time to think, to hesitate, to look round.
John kept his eyes riveted to one point, and
shut his ears to the roar of the torrent
below him, in which a moment's giddiness
would engulf him.
It was afternoon by this time. As he sat
writing at a table in one of the bay windows,
a familiar voice spoke to him. It was Lord
Hemsworth. They had not met since the
night of the ice carnival. Lord Hemsworth's
face had quite lost its boyish expression.
"I hope you are better, Tempest," he said,
with obvious constraint, looking narrowly at
him. Could Di's accepted lover wear so
grey and stern a look as this?
John replied that he was well; and then,
with sudden recollection of Mitty's account
of Lord Hemsworth's conduct during that
memorable night, began to thank him, and
stopped short.
The room was empty.
"It was on her account," said Lord
Hemsworth.
John did not answer. It was that conviction
which had pulled him up.
Lord Hemsworth waited some time for
John to speak, and then he said—
"You know about me, Tempest, and why
I was on the ice that night. Well, I have
kept out of the way for three months under
the belief that—I should hear any day
that—— I am not such a fool as to pit
myself against you—I don't want to be a
nuisance to—— But it's three months.
For God's sake tell me; are you on or are
you not?"
"I am not," said John.
"Then I will try my luck," said the other.
He went out, and John knew that he had
gone to try it there and then; and sat
motionless, with his hand across his mouth
and his unfinished letter before him, until the
servant came to close the shutters.
CHAPTER XI.
"We live together years and years, And leave unsounded still Each other's springs of hopes and fears, Each other's depths of will." Lord Houghton.
BUT still more bewildering is the way in
which we live years and years with
ourselves in an entire ignorance of the
powers that lie dormant beneath the surface
of character. The day comes when vital
forces of which we know nothing arise
within us, and break like glass the even
tenor of our lives. The quiet hours, the
regulated thoughts, the peaceful aspiration
after things but little set above us, where
are they? The angel with the sword drives
us out of our Eden to shiver in the wilderness
of an entirely changed existence, unrecognizable
by ourselves, though perhaps
lived in the same external groove, the same
divisions of time, among the same faces as
before.
Day succeeded day in Di's life, each day
adding one more stone to the prison in
which it seemed as if an inexorable hand
were walling her up.
"I will not give in. I will turn my mind
to other things," she said to herself. And—there
were no other things. All lesser
lights were blown out. The heart, when it
is swept into the grasp of a great love, is
ruthlessly torn from the hundred minute ties
and interests that heretofore held it to life.
The little fibres and tendrils of affections
which have gradually grown round certain
objects are snapped off from the roots.
They cease to exist. The pang of love is
that there is no escape from it. It has the
same tension as sleeplessness.
Di struggled and was not defeated; but
some victories are as sad as defeats. During
the struggle she lost something—what was it—that
had been to many her greatest charm?
Women were unanimous in deploring how
she had "gone off." There was a thinness
in her cheek, and a blue line under her deep
eyes. Her beauty remained, but it was not
the same beauty. Mrs. Courtenay noticed
with a pang that she was growing like her
mother.
Easter came, and with it the wedding of
Miss Crupps and the Honourable Augustus
Lumley, youngest son of Lord Mortgage.
Miss Crupps' young heart had long inclined
towards Mr. Lumley; but on the occasion of
seeing him blacked as a Christy Minstrel,
she had finally succumbed into a state of
giggling admiration, which plainly showed
the state of her affections. So he cut the
word "yes" out of a newspaper, and told
her that was what she was to say to him,
and amid a series of delighted cackles they
were engaged. Di went to the wedding,
looking so pale that it was whispered that
Mr. Lumley and his tambourine had won her
heart as well as that of his adoring bride.
On a sunny afternoon shortly afterwards,
Di was sitting alone indoors, her grandmother
having gone out driving with a
friend. She told herself that she ought to
go out, but she remained sitting with her
hands in her lap. Every duty, every tiny
decision, every small household matter, had
become of late an intolerable burden. Even
to put a handful of flowers into water required
an effort of will which it was irksome
to make.
She had stayed in to make an alteration
in the gown she was to wear that night at
the Speaker's. As she looked at the card to
make sure it was the right evening, she
remembered that it was at the Speaker's she
had first met John, just a year ago. One
year. How absurd! Five, ten, fifteen! She
tried to recollect what her life could have
been like before he had come into it; but it
seemed to start from that point, and to have
had no significance before.
"I must go out," she said again; and at
that moment the door bell rang, and although
Mrs. Courtenay was out, some one was
admitted. The door opened, and Lord
Hemsworth was announced.
There is, but men are fortunately not in
a position to be aware of it, a lamentable
uniformity in their manner of opening up
certain subjects. Di knew in a moment
from previous experience what he had come
for. He wondered, as he stumbled through
a labyrinth of platitudes about the weather,
how he could broach the subject without
alarming her. He did not know that he had
done so by his manner of coming into the
room, and that he had been refused before
he had finished shaking hands.
Di was horribly sorry for him while he
talked about—whatever he did talk about.
Neither noticed what it was at the time, or
remembered it afterwards. She was grateful
to him for not alluding even in the most
distant manner to their last meeting. She
remembered that she had clung to him, and
that he had called her by her Christian
name, but she was too callous to be ashamed
at the recollection. It was as nothing compared
to another humiliation which had
come upon her a little later.
"It is no good beating about the bush,"
said Lord Hemsworth at last, after he had
beaten it till there was, so to speak, nothing
left of it. "I have come up to London for
one thing, and I have come here for one
thing, which is—to ask you to marry me.
Don't speak—don't say anything just for
a moment," he continued hurriedly, raising
his hand as if to ward off a rebuff. "For
God's sake don't stop me. I've kept it in
so long I must say it, and you must hear
me."
She let him say it. And he got it out
with stumbling and difficulty and long gaps
between—got out in shaking commonplaces a
tithe of the love he had for her. And all
the time Di thought if it might only have
been some one else who was uttering those
halting words! (I wonder how many men
have proposed and been accepted while the
woman has said to herself, "If it had only
been some one else!")
Despair at his inability to express himself,
and at her silence, seized him: as if it
mattered a pin how he expressed himself if
she had been willing to listen.
"If you understood," he said over and
over again, with the monotonous reiteration
of a piano-tuner, "you would not refuse me.
I know you are going to, but if only you
understood you would not. You would not
have the heart. It's—it's just everything to
me." And Lord Hemsworth—oh, bathos of
modern life!—looked into his hat.
"Lord Hemsworth," said Di, "have I
ever given you any encouragement?"
"None," he replied. "People might think
you had, but you never did. I knew better.
I never misunderstood you. I know you
don't care a straw about me; but—oh, Di,
you have not your equal in the world.
There's no woman to compare with you. I
don't see how you could care for any one like
me. Of course you don't. I would not
expect it. But if—if you would only marry
me—I would be content with very little.
I've looked at it all round. I would be content
with—very little."
There was a long silence.
What woman whose love has been slighted
can easily reject a great devotion?
"I think," said Di, after several false
starts to speak, "that if I only considered
myself I would marry you; but there is the
happiness of one other person to think of—yours."
"I can't have any apart from you."
"You would have none with me. If it is
miserable to care for any one who is indifferent,
it would be a thousand times more
miserable to be married to that person."
"Not if it were you."
"Yes, if it were I."
"I would take the risk," said Lord Hemsworth,
who held, in common with most men,
the rooted conviction that a woman will
become attached to any husband, however
little she cares for her lover. It is precisely
this conviction which makes the average
marriages of the present day such mediocre
affairs; which serves to place worldly or
facile women, or those whose affections
have never been called out, at the head
of so many homes; as the mothers of the
new generation from which we hope so
much.
"I would take any risk," repeated Lord
Hemsworth, doggedly. "I would rather be
unhappy with you than happy with any
one else."
"You think so now," said Di; "but the
time would come when you would see that
I had cut you off from the best thing in
the world—from the love of a woman who
would care for you as much as you do for
me."
"I don't want her. I want you."
"I cannot marry you."
Lord Hemsworth clutched blindly at the
arms of the chair.
"I would wait any time."
Di shook her head.
"Any time," he stammered. "Go away for
a year, and—come back."
"It would be no good."
Then he lost his head.
"So long as you don't care for any one
else," he said incoherently. "I thought at
the carnival—that is why I have kept out of
the way—but I met Tempest to-day at the
Carlton, and—I asked him straight out, and
he said there was nothing between you and
him. I suppose you have refused him, like
the rest of us. Oh, my God, Di, they say
you have no heart! But it isn't true, is it?
Don't refuse me. Don't make me live without
you. I've tried for three months"—and
Lord Hemsworth's face worked—"and if you
knew what it was like, you wouldn't send me
back to it."
Every vestige of colour had faded from
Di's face at the mention of John.
"I don't care enough for you to marry
you," she said, pitiless in her great pity. "I
wish I did, but—I don't."
"Do you care for any one else?"
Di saw that nothing short of the truth
would wrest his persistence from its object.
"Yes, I do," she said passionately, trembling
from head to foot. "For some one
who does not care for me. You and I are
both in the same position. Do you see
now how useless it is to talk of this any
longer?"
Both had risen to their feet. Lord Hemsworth
looked at Di's white convulsed face,
and his own became as ashen. He saw at
last that he had no more chance of marrying
her than if she were lying at his feet in her
coffin. Constancy, which can compass many
things, avails nought sometimes.
"I beg your pardon," he said, holding out
his hand to go.
"I think I ought to beg yours," she said
brokenly, while their hands clasped tightly
each in each. "I never meant to make you
as—unhappy as—as I am myself, but yet I
have."
They looked at each other with tears in
their eyes.
"It does not matter," said Lord Hemsworth,
hoarsely. "I shall be all right—it's
you—I think of. Don't stand—mustn't
stand—you're too tired. Good-bye."
Di flung herself down on her face on the
sofa as the door closed. She had forgotten
Lord Hemsworth's existence the moment
after he had left the room. John had told
him that there was nothing between her andhimself. John had told him that. John had
said that. A cry escaped her, and she
strangled it in the cushion.
Hope does not always die when we
imagine it does. It is subject to long
trances. The hope which she had thought
dead was only giving up the ghost now.
"Chaque espérance est un œuf d'où peut
sortir un serpent au lieu d'une colombe."
Out of that frail shell of a cherished hope
lying broken before her the serpent had
crept at last. It moved, it grew before her
eyes.
"Slighted love is sair to bide."
CHAPTER XII.
"We met, hand to hand, We clasped hands close and fast, As close as oak and ivy stand; But it is past." Christina Rossetti.
"Half false, half fair, all feeble." Swinburne.
WHEN John roused himself from the
long stupor into which he had fallen
after Lord Hemsworth's departure, he put
his finished letter to Colonel Tempest into
an envelope, and then remembered with
annoyance that he did not know how to
address it. When the landlady in Brook
Street had told him that Colonel and Captain
Tempest had gone to Brighton that morning,
he had been too much taken aback at the
moment to think of asking for their address.
He was too much exhausted in mind and
body to go back to the lodgings for it immediately.
He wrote a second letter, this
time to his lawyer, and then, conscious of the
state of his body by the shaking hand and
clumsy, tardy brain which made of a short
and explicit statement so lengthy an affair,
he mechanically changed his clothes, dined,
and sat watching the smoke of his cigar.
Presently, with food and rest, the apathy
into which exhaustion had plunged him
lifted, and the restlessness of a tortured
mind returned. He had only as yet seen
one of the three men whom he had come
to London to interview, namely, Lord Frederick.
Colonel Tempest, the second, was
out of town; but probably the third, Lord
----, the minister, was not. It was close on
ten o'clock. He should probably find him in
his private room in the House.
John flung away his cigar, and was in
a few minutes spinning towards the Houses
of Parliament in a hansom. He had not
thought much about it till now, but as he
turned in at the gates the lines of the great
buildings suddenly brought back to him the
remembrance of his own ambition, and of
the splendid career that had seemed to be
opening before him when last he had passed
those gates; which had fallen at a single
touch like a house of cards—a house built
with Fortune's cards.
There was a queue of carriages at the
Speaker's entrance. A party was evidently
going on there. John went to the House
and inquired for Lord ——. He was not
there. Perhaps he was at the Speaker's
reception. John remembered, or thought he
remembered, that he had a card for it, and
went on there. His mind was set on finding
Lord ——.
History repeats itself, and so does our
little private history. Only when the same
thing happens it finds us changed, and we
look back at what we were last time, and
remember our old young self with wonder.
Was that indeed I?
Possibly to some an evening party may
appear a small event, but to Di, as she
stood in the same crowd as last year, in the
same pictured rooms, it seemed to her that
her whole life had turned on the pivot of
that one evening a year ago.
The lights glared too much now. The
babel dazed her. Noises had become sharp
swords of late. Every one talked too loud.
She chatted and smiled, and vaguely wondered
that her friends recognized her. "I
am not the same person," she said to
herself, "but no one seems to see any
difference."
Presently she found herself near the same
arched window where she had stood with
John last year. She moved for a moment to
it and looked out. There was a mist across
the river. The lights struggled through
blurred and feeble. It had been clear last
year. She turned and went on talking, of
she knew not what, to a very young man at
her elbow, who was making laborious efforts
to get on with her.
Her eyes looked back from the recess
across the sea of faces and fringes, and bald
and close-cropped heads. The men who
were not John, but yet had a momentary
resemblance to him, were the only people
she distinctly saw. Tall fair men were
beginning to complain of her unrecognizing
manner.
Yes, history repeats itself.
Among the crowd in the distance she
suddenly saw him. John's rugged profile
and square head were easy to recognize.
He had said there was nothing between them.
Their last meeting rushed back upon her
with a scathing recollection of how she had
held him in her arms and pressed her face to
his. Shame scorched her inmost soul.
She turned towards her companion with
fuller attention than what she had previously
accorded him.
As John walked through the rooms scanning
the crowd, the possibility of meeting Di
did not strike him. With a frightful clutch
of the heart he caught sight of her. A man
who instantly aroused his animosity was
talking eagerly to her. Something in her
appearance startled him. Was it the colour
of her gown that made her look so pale, the
intense light that gave her calm dignified
face that peculiar worn expression? She had
a faint fixed smile as she talked that John did
not recognize, and that, why he knew not,
cut him to the quick.
Was this Di? Could this be Di?
He knew she had seen him. He hesitated
a moment and then went towards her. She
received him without any change of countenance.
The fixed smile was still on her lips
as he spoke to her, but the lips had whitened.
Their eyes met for a moment. Oh! what
had happened to Di's lovely eyes that used
to be so grave and gay?
He stammered something—said he was
looking for some one—and passed on. She
turned to speak to some one else as he did
so. He strangled the nameless emotion
which was choking him, and made his way
into the next room. He had a vague consciousness
of being spoken to, and of making
herculean efforts to grind out answers, and
then of pouncing on the secretary of the man
he was looking for, who told him his chief
had suddenly and unexpectedly started for
Paris that afternoon on affairs of importance.
John mechanically noted down his address
in Paris and left the house.
The necessity of remembering where his
feet were taking him recalled him somewhat
to himself. He pulled himself together, and
slackened his pace.
"I will go to Paris by the night express,"
he said to himself, the feverish longing for
action increasing upon him as this new
obstacle met him. He dared not remain in
London. He knew for a certainty that if
he did he should go and see Di. Neither
could he write to Lord —— all that he
must tell him, or put into black and white
the favour he had to ask of him—the first
favour John had ever needed to ask, namely,
to be helped by means
of Lord ——'s interest
to some post in which he could for the
moment support himself and Mitty.
As he turned up St. James's Street, he
remembered with irritation that he had not
yet procured Colonel Tempest's and Archie's
address. While he hesitated whether to go
on, late as it was, to Brook Street for it, he
remembered that he could probably obtain it
much nearer at hand, namely, at Archie's
rooms in Piccadilly. Archie, who was a
person of much pink and monogrammed correspondence,
would probably have left his
address behind him, stuck in the glass of the
mantelpiece, as his manner was. The latch-key
he had lent John in the autumn, when John
had made use of his rooms, was still on his
chain. He had forgotten to return it. He let
himself in, went upstairs to the second floor,
and opened the door of the little sitting-room.
"Here you are at last," said a woman's
voice.
He went in quickly and shut the door
behind him.
A small woman in shimmering evening
dress, with diamonds in her hair, came towards
him, and stopped short with a little scream.
It was Madeleine.
He looked at her in silence, standing with
his back to the door. The smouldering fire
in his eyes seemed to burn her, for she
shrank away to the further end of the room.
John observed that there was a fire and
lamps, and knit his brows.
Some persons are unable to perceive when
explanations are useless. Madeleine began
one—something about Archie's difficulties,
money, etc.; but John cut her short.
"You are not accountable to me for your
actions," he said. "Keep your explanations
for your husband."
He looked again with perplexity at the
fire and the lamps. He knew Archie had
gone that morning on three days' leave to
Brighton with his father.
"Let me go," she said, whimpering. "I
won't stay here to be thought ill of, to have
evil imputed to me."
"You will answer one question first," said
John.
"You impute evil to me—I know you do,"
said Madeleine, beginning to cry; "but it is
your own coarse mind that sees wickedness
in everything."
"Possibly," said John. "When do you
expect Archie?"
"Any moment. I wish he was here, that
he might tell you——"
"Thank you, that will do. You can go
now."
He opened the door. She drew a long
cloak over her shoulders and passed him
without speaking, looking like what she was—one
of that class whose very existence she
professed to ignore, but whose ranks she had
virtually joined when she announced her
engagement to Sir Henry in the Morning
Post. Perhaps, inasmuch as that, untempted,
she had sold herself for diamonds and
position, instead of, under strong temptation,
for the bare necessities of life like her
poorer sisters, she was more degraded than
they; but fortunately for her, and many
others in our midst, society upheld her.
John looked after her and then followed
her. There was not a soul on the common
staircase or in the hall. He passed out just
behind her, and they were in the street
together.
"Take my arm," he said, and she took it
mechanically.
He signalled a four-wheeler and helped
her into it.
"Where do you wish to go?" he said.
"I don't know," she said feebly, apparently
too much scared to remember what her
arrangements had been.
John considered a moment.
"Where is Sir Henry?"
"Dining at Woolwich."
"Can't you go home?"
"No, no. It is much too early. I'm
dressed for—I said I was going to ——,
and I have left there already, and the carriage
is waiting there still."
"You must go back there," said John.
"Get your carriage and go home in it."
He gave the cabman the address and paid
him. Then he returned to the cab door.
"Lady Verelst," he said less sternly,
"believe me—Archie is not worth it."
"You don't understand," she tried to say,
with an assumption of injured dignity. "It
was only that I——"
"He is not worth it," said John with
emphasis; and he shut to the door of the
cab, and watched it drive away. Then he
went back to Archie's room, and sat down
to consider. A faint odour of scent hung
about the room. He got up and flung open
the window. Years afterwards, if a woman
used that particular scent, the same loathing
disgust returned upon him.
"He took three days' leave to nurse his
father at Brighton, with the intention of
coming back here to-night," John said to
himself. "He will be here directly." And
he made up his mind what he would do.
And in truth a few minutes later a hansom
rattled to the door, and Archie came in,
breathless with haste. He looked eagerly
round the room, and then, as he caught sight
of the unexpected occupant, his face crimsoned,
and he grinned nervously.
"She is gone," said John, without moving.
"Gone? Who? I don't know what you
mean."
"No, of course not. What made you so
late?"
"Train broke down outside London."
"I came here to get your address at
Brighton, because I have news for you.
You are there at this moment, aren't you,
looking after your father?"
Archie did not answer. He only grinned
and showed his teeth. John was aware that
though he stood quietly enough by the table,
turning over some loose silver in his pocket,
he was in a state of blind fury. He also
knew that if he waited a little it would pass.
Something in John's moral and physical
strength had always the power to quell
Archie's fits of passion.
"I had no intention of prying on you,"
said John, after an interval. "I wanted
your address at Brighton, and I could not
wait till to-morrow for it. I am going to
Paris to-night on business, and—as it is
yours as much as mine—you will go with
me."
Archie never indulged in those flowers of
speech with which some adorn their conversation.
But there are exceptions to every
rule, and he made one now. He culled, so
to speak, one large bouquet of the choicest
epithets and presented it to John.
"He knew not what to say, and so he
swore." That is why men swear often, and
women seldom.
"I shall not leave you in London with
that woman," said John, calmly. "You will
go to her if I do."
"I shall do as I think fit," stammered
Archie, striking the table with his slender
white hand.
"There you err," said John. "You will
start with me in half an hour for Paris."
CHAPTER XIII.
"There's not a crime But takes its proper change out still in crime If once rung on the counter of this world." E. B. Browning.
THERE is in Paris, just out of the Rue
du Bac, a certain old-fashioned hotel,
the name of which I forget, with a little cour
in the middle of the rambling old building,
and a thin fountain perennially plashing
therein, adorned by a few pigeons and
feathers on the brink. It had been a very
fashionable hotel in the days when Madame
Mohl held her salon near at hand. But the
old order changes. It was superseded now.
Why John often went there I don't know.
He probably did not know himself, unless it
was for the sake of quiet. Anyhow, he and
Archie arrived there together that morning;
for it is needless to say that, having determined
to get Archie at any cost out of
London, John had carried his point, as he
had done on previous occasions, to the disgust
of the sulky young man, who had
proved anything but a pleasant travelling
companion, and who, late in the afternoon,
was still invisible behind the white curtains
in one of the two little bedrooms that
opened out of the sitting-room in which
John was walking up and down.
He had put several questions to Archie
respecting the state of his father's health, and
that gentleman had assured him he was all
right, quite able to look after himself; no
need for him to remain with him.
"Of course not," said John, "or you would
not have left him. But is he able to attend
to business?"
"Rather," said Archie, with the emphasis
of ignorance.
As long as Archie was in the next room,
out of harm's way, John did not want his
company. He knew that when he did appear
he had to tell him that for eight and
twenty years he had lived on Colonel Tempest's
substance; and then he must post the
letter lying ready written on the table to
Colonel Tempest, only needing the address.
After that life was a blank. Archie would
rush home, of course. John did not know
where he should go, except that it would not
be with Archie. Back to Overleigh? No.
And with a sudden choking sensation he
realized that he should not see Overleigh
again. He wondered what Mitty was doing
at that moment, and whether the horse-chestnut
against the nursery window would
ever burst to leaf. Here in Paris they were
out. He had noticed them as he returned
from an interview with Lord ——. That
gentleman had been much pressed for time,
but had nevertheless accorded him a quarter
of an hour. He was genuinely perturbed
by the disclosure the young man made to
him, deplored the event as it affected John,
but after the first moment was obviously
more concerned about the seat, and the loss
of the Tempest support, than the wreck of
John's career. After a decorous interval,
Lord —— had put a few questions to him
about Colonel Tempest, his age, political
views, etc. John perceived with what intentions
those questions were put, and they
made it the harder for him to ask the great
man to help him to a livelihood.
As John spoke, and the elder man's eye
sought his watch, John experienced for the
first time the truth of the saying that the
highest price that can be paid for anything
is to have to ask for it. If it had not been for
Mitty he could not have forced himself to do it.
"But my dear—er—Tempest," said Lord
----, "surely we need not anticipate that—er—your
uncle—er—that Colonel Tempest
will fail to make a suitable provision for one—who—who——"
"He may offer to do so," replied John;
"but if he did, I should not take it. He is
not the kind of man from whom it is possible
to accept money."
"Still, under the circumstances, the extraordinary
combination of circumstances, I
should advise you to—my time is so circumscribed—I
should certainly advise you to—you
see, Tempest, with every feeling of
regard for yourself and your father—ahem—Mr.
Tempest before you, it is difficult for a
person situated as I am at the present moment,
to offer you, on the eve of the general
election, any position at all adequate to your
undeniably great abilities."
"We shall not hear much more of my
great abilities now that I am penniless," said
John, with bitterness. "If I can get any kind
of employment by which I can support myself
and an old servant, I shall be thankful."
Lord —— promised to do his best. He
felt obliged to add that he could do but
little, but he would do what he could. John
might rest assured of that. In the meantime—— He
looked anxiously at the watch
on the table. John understood, and took his
leave. Lord —— pressed him warmly by
the hand, commended his conduct, once more
deplored the turn events had taken, which
he should consider as strictly private until
they had been publicly announced, and assured
him he would keep him in his mind,
and communicate with him immediately
should any vacancy occur that, etc., etc.
John retraced his steps wearily to the
hotel. The loss of his career had stung him
yesterday. How to keep Mitty in comfort
seemed of far greater importance to-day—how
to provide a home for her with a little
kitchen in it. John wondered whether he
and Mitty could live on a hundred a year.
He knew a good deal about the ways and
means of the working classes, but of how the
poor of his own class lived he knew nothing.
But even the thought of Mitty could
not hold him long. His mind ever went
back to Di with an agony of despair and
rapture. During these three interminable
months during which he had not seen her,
he had pictured her to himself as taking life
as usual, wondering perhaps sometimes—yes,
certainly wondering—why he did not
come; but it had never struck him that she
would be unhappy. When he saw her he
had suddenly realized that the same emotions
which had rent his soul had left their imprint
on her face. Could women really love like
men? Could Di actually, after her own
fashion, feel towards him one tithe of the
love he felt for her? John recognized with
an exaltation, which for the moment transfigured
as by fire the empty desolation of
his heart, that the change which had been
wrought in Di was his own work. Her
cheek had grown pale for him, her eyes had
wept for him, her very beauty had become
dimmed for his sake.
"I shall go mad," said John, starting to
his feet. "Why is that damned letter still
unposted?"
Purpose was melting within him. The
irrevocable step even now had not been
taken. Lord —— and his own lawyer would
say nothing if at the eleventh hour he drew
back. He must act finally this instant, or
he would never act at all.
He went into the next room, where Archie
was languidly shaving himself in a pink silk
peignoir, and obtained from him Colonel
Tempest's address. He addressed the letter,
and took his hat and stick.
"I will post it myself this instant," he said
to himself.
He went quickly downstairs and across
the little court, scattering the pigeons. His
face looked worn and ravaged in the vivid
sunshine.
He passed under the archway into the
street, and as he did so two well-dressed
men came out of a café on the opposite side.
Before he had gone many steps one of them
crossed the road, and raised his hat, holding
out a card.
"Mr. Tempest of Overleigh, I think," he
said respectfully.
John stopped and looked at the man. He
did not know him. The decisive moment
had come even before posting the letter.
"Now or never," whispered conscience.
"My name is Fane," he said, and passed
on.
The man fell back at once and rejoined
his companion.
"I told you so," he said. "That man is
a deal too old, and he said his name was
Fane. It's the other one in the tow wig, as
I said from the first. That ain't real hair.
It's the wig as alters him."
John posted his letter, saw it slide past
recall, and then walked back to the hotel,
found Archie in the sitting-room reading the
playbills for the evening, and told him.
Perhaps nothing is more characteristic of
our fellow-creatures than the manner in which
they bear unexpected reverses of fortune.
Archie had some of the callousness of
feeling for others which accompanies lack
of imagination. He had never put himself
in the place of others. He was not likely
to begin now. He had no intention of
hurting John by setting his iron heel on his
face. He had no idea people minded being
trodden on. And, indeed, as John stood by
the window with his hands clasped behind
his back, he was as indifferent as he appeared
to be to anything that Archie, pacing up
and down the room with flashing eyes, could
say. He had at last closed the iron gates
of the irrevocable behind himself, and he
was at first too much stunned by the clang
even to hear what the excited young man
was talking about. Perhaps it was just as
well.
"By Jove!" Archie was saying, as John's
attention came slowly back. "To think of
the old governor at Overleigh, poor old chap!
He has missed it all his best years, but I
hope he'll live to enjoy it yet. I do indeed."
Archie felt he could afford to be generous.
"And Di, John, dear old Di, shall come and
queen it at Overleigh. And she shall have
a suitable fortune. I'll make father do the
right thing by Di. He won't want to do
more than he can help, because she has never
been much of a daughter to him; but he
shall. And when it's known, she'll marry off
quick enough; and I'll see it gets about.
And don't you be down-hearted, John.
We'll do the right thing by you. You know
you never cared for the money when you
had it. You were always a bit of a screw,
to yourself as well as to others—I will say
that for you; but—let me see—you allowed
me three hundred a year. Don't you wish
now it had been four? for you shall have
the same, if the old guv. agrees. And I
dare say I shall be a bit freer with a ten-pound
note now and then than ever you
were to me."
"There will be no necessity for this
reckless generosity," said John, wondering
why he did not writhe, as a man might who
watches a knife cut into his benumbed limb.
It gave him no pain.
"And you shall have a hunter," continued
Archie. "By Jove, what hunting I shall
have! I shall get the governor to add
another wing to the stables; and I will keep
Quicksilver for you, John. You mustn't
turn rusty because the luck has come to us
at last. You know I knew all along I ought
to have been the heir, and I put up with
your being there, and never raised a dust."
"I think I can promise I shall not raise
a dust," said John, dispassionately, watching
the knife turn in his flesh.
"And—and," continued Archie—"why,
I need not marry money now. I can take
my pick." New vistas seemed to open at
every turn. His weak mouth fell ajar.
"My word, John, times are changed. And—my
debts; I can pay them off."
"And run up more," said John. "It is an
ill wind that blows nobody any good."
"I don't call it much of an ill wind," said
Archie, chuckling; "not much of an ill
wind."
In spite of himself, John laughed aloud
at the naïveté of Archie's remark. That it
was an ill wind to John had not even crossed
his mind.
It would cross Di's, John thought. She
would do him justice. But, alas! from the
few who will do us justice we always want
so much more, something infinitely greater
than justice—at least, John did.
The early table d'hôte dinner broke in on
Archie's soliloquy, and, much to John's relief,
that favoured young gentleman discovered
that a lady of his acquaintance was dancing
at one of the theatres that evening, and he
determined to go and see her. He could
not persuade John to accompany him, even
though he offered, with the utmost generosity,
to introduce him to her.
"Well, if you won't, you won't," said
Archie, seeing his persuasions did nought
avail, and much preferring to go by himself.
"If you would rather sit over the fire in the
dumps, that's your affair, not mine. Ta-ta.
I expect you will have turned in before
I'm back. By-the-by, can you lend me five
thick 'uns?"
John was on the point of refusing when
he remembered that the actual money he
had with him was more Archie's than his.
"Thank'ee," said Archie. "You part
easier than you used to do. I expect it'll
be the last time I shall borrow of you—eh,
John? It will be the other way about in
future."
"Will it?" said John, as he put back his
pocket-book.
Archie laughed and went out.
Oh! it is good to be young and handsome
and admired. The dancers pirouetted in the
intense electric light, and the music played
on every chord of Archie's light pleasure-loving
soul. And he clapped and applauded
with the rest, his pulse leaping high and
higher. A sense of triumph possessed him.
His one thorn in the flesh was gone for
ever. He rode on the top of the wave.
He had had all else before, and now the
one thing that was lacking to him had
come. He was rich, rich, rich. There
was much goods laid up for many years of
pleasure.
Archie touched the zenith.
It was very late, or rather it was very
early, when he walked home through the
deserted streets. A great mental exaltation
was still upon him, but his body was exhausted,
and the cool night air and the
silence, after the babel of tongues, and the
shrieking choruses, and the flaring lights of
the last few hours, were pleasant to his
aching eyes and head.
The dawn stretched like a drawn sword
behind the city. The Seine lay, a long line
of winding mist under its many bridges.
The ruins of the scorched Tuileries pushed
up against the sky. Archie leant a moment
on the parapet, and looked down to the
Seine below whispering in its shroud. He
took off his hat and pushed back the light
curling hair from his forehead, laughing
softly to himself.
An invisible boat, with a red blur coming
down-stream, was making a low continuous
warning sound.
A hand came suddenly over his shoulder,
and was pressed upon his mouth, and at the
same instant something exceeding sharp and
swift, pointed with death, pierced his back,
once and again. Archie saw his hat drop
over the parapet into the mist.
He tried to struggle, but in vain. He
was choking.
"It is a dream," he said. "I shall wake.
I have dreamt it before."
He looked wildly round him.
The steadfast dawn was witness from
afar. There was the boat still passing
down-stream. There was the city before
him, with its spires piercing the mist. Was
it a dream?
The hot blood rushed up into his mouth.
The drenched hand released its pressure.
"I shall wake," he said, and he fell forward
on his face.
CHAPTER XIV.
"The earth buildeth on the earth castles and towers; The earth sayeth to the earth, 'All shall be ours;' The earth walketh on the earth, glistering like gold; The earth goeth to the earth sooner than it wold."
JOHN was late next morning. He had
not slept for many nights, and the
heavy slumber of entire exhaustion fell on
him towards dawn. It was nearly midday
when he re-entered the sitting-room where
he had sat up so late the night before.
He went to Archie's room to see whether
he had come in; but it was empty.
He was impatient to be gone, to get away
from that marble-topped side-table, and the
horsehair chairs, and the gilt clock on the
mantelpiece. At least, he thought he wished
to get away from these things; but it was
from himself that he really wanted to get
away—from this miserable tortured self that
was all that was left of him in this his hour
of weakness and prostration; the hour which
inevitably succeeds all great exertions of
strength. How could he drag this wretched
creature about with him? He abhorred
himself; the thought of being with himself
was intolerable. It seems hard that the
nobler side of human nature, which can cheer
and urge its weaker brother up such steep
paths of duty and self-sacrifice, should desert
us when the summit is achieved, leaving the
weaker to wail unreproved over its bleeding
feet and rent garments till we madden at
the sound.
An overwhelming sense of loneliness fell
on John as he sat waiting for Archie to come
in. He had no strong, earnest, steadfast
self to bear him company. He felt deserted,
lost.
Who has not experienced it, that fierce
depression and loathing of all life, which,
though at the time we know it not, is only
the writhing and fainting of the starved
human affections! The very ordinary sources
from which the sharpest suffering springs,
shows us later on how narrow are the limits
within which our common human nature
works, and from which yet irradiate such
diversities of pain.
Alphonse disturbed him at last to ask
whether he and "Monsieur" would dine at
table d'hôte. "Monsieur," with a glance
at Archie's door, had not yet come in.
John said they would both dine; and
then, roused somewhat by the interruption,
an idea struck him. Had Archie, in the
excitement of the moment, gone back to
England without telling him?
He went to the room, but there were no
evidences of departure. On the bed the
clothes were thrown which Archie had worn
on the previous day. The gold watch John
had given him was on the dressing-table.
He had evidently left it there on purpose,
not caring, perhaps, to risk taking it with
him. All the paraphernalia of a man who
studies his appearance were strewed on the
table. There was his little moustache-brush,
and phial of brilliantine to burnish it. John
knew that he would never have left that
behind. Archie had evidently intended to
return.
In the mean while hour succeeded hour,
but he did not come. That Archie should
have been out all night was not surprising,
but that he should be still out now in his
evening clothes in the daytime, began to be
incomprehensible. After a few premonitory
tremors of misgiving, which, man-like, he
laughed at himself for entertaining, John
took alarm.
Evening fell, and still no Archie. And
then a hideous night followed, in which John
forgot everything in heaven above or earth
beneath except Archie. The police were
informed. The actress at whose house he
had supped after the play was interviewed,
but could only vociferate between her sobs
that he had left her house with the remainder
of her party in the early hours of the morning,
and she had not seen him since.
Directly the office opened, John telegraphed
to his colonel to know if he had returned to
London. The answer came, "Absent without
leave."
John remembered that he had only three
days' leave, and that the third day was up
yesterday. Archie would not have forgotten
that.
A nightmare of a day passed. John had
been out during the greater part of it, rushing
back at intervals in the hope, that was
no longer anything but a masked despair,
of finding Archie in his rooms on his
return.
In the dusk of the afternoon he came
back once more, and peered for the twentieth
time into the littered bedroom, which the
frightened servants had left exactly as Archie
had left it. He was standing in the doorway
looking into the empty room, where a certain
horror was beginning to gather round the
familiar objects with which it was strewed,
when a voice spoke to him.
It was the superintendent of police to
whom he had gone long ago—the night
before—when first the horror began. Alphonse,
who had shown him up, was watching
through the doorway.
The man said something in French. John
did not hear him, but it did not matter much.
He knew. They went downstairs together.
Alphonse brought him his hat and stick.
The other waiters were gathered in a little
knot at the table d'hôte door. A fiacre
was waiting under the archway. John and
the superintendent got into it, and it drove
off at once without waiting for directions.
They were lighting the lamps in the streets.
The dusk was falling, falling like the shadow
of death. They drove deeper and ever
deeper into it.
Time ceased to be.
"Nous voiçi, Monsieur," said the man,
gravely, as they pulled up before a building,
the long low outline of which was dimly
visible.
John knew it was the Morgue.
He followed his guide down a white-washed
passage into a long room. There
was a cluster of people at the further end,
towards which the man was leading him,
and in the dusk there was a subdued whispering,
and a sound of trickling water.
As they reached the further end, some
one turned on the electric light, and it fell
full on a man's figure on one of the slabs.
A little crowd of people were peering through
the glass screen at the toy which the Seine
had tired of and cast aside.
"Ah! qu'il est beau," said a high woman's
voice.
John shaded his eyes and looked.
The face was turned away, but John
knew the hair, fair to whiteness in that
brilliant light, as he had often seen it in
London ball-rooms.
They let him through the glass screen
which kept off the crowd, and, oblivious of
the many eyes watching him, John bent over
the slab and touched the clenched marble
hand with the signet-ring on it which he had
given him when they were at Oxford together.
Yes, it was Archie.
The dead face was set in the nervous
grin with which he had been wont in life to
meet the inevitable and the distasteful.
The blue pencillings of dissolution had
touched to inexorable distinctness the thin
lines of dissipation in the cheek and at the
corners of the mouth. The death of the
body had overtaken the creeping death of
the soul. Their landmarks met.
The poor beautiful effeminate face, devoid
of all that makes death bearable, stared up
at the electric light.
An impotent overwhelming compassion,
as for some ephemeral irresponsible being
of another creation, who knows not how to
guide itself in this grim world of law, and
has wandered blindfold within the sweep of
a vast machinery of which it knew nothing,
wrung John's heart. He hid his face in his
hands.
CHAPTER XV.
"For human bliss and woe in the frail thread Of human life are all so closely twined, That till the shears of fate the texture shred, The close succession cannot be disjoined, Nor dare we, from our hour, judge that which comes behind." Sir Walter Scott.
DI had seen her father and Archie off
on their journey to Brighton, and,
having arranged to replace her brother in
three days' time, was surprised when a hasty
note, the morning after their departure, informed
her that Archie had been recalled
to London on business, and that she must
go to her father at once.
Mrs. Courtenay was incensed. Archie
had shirked before, and now he had shirked
again. But Colonel Tempest remained in
far too precarious a condition for her to
refuse to allow her granddaughter to go,
as she would certainly otherwise have
done. So Di went off the morning after
the Speaker's party.
She had told Mrs. Courtenay that she
had met John there.
"In one way I am glad to have met him,"
she said firmly, her proud lip quivering.
"Any uncertainty I may have been weak
enough to feel is at an end, and it was time
the end should come. For, in spite of all
you said, I had had a lingering idea that if
we met——. And now we have met—and
he had evidently no wish to see me again."
Mrs. Courtenay looked fixedly at the
beautiful pallid face, and wondered that she
had ever wished Di had a heart.
"This pain will pass," she said gently.
"You have always believed me, Di; believe
me now. Take courage and wait. You
have had an untroubled life till now. That
has passed. Trouble has come. It is part
of life. It will pass too; not the feeling,
perhaps, but the suffering."
"Good-bye, my child," she said a little
later, kissing the girl's cold cheek with a
tenderness which Di was powerless to return.
"Take care of yourself. Go out
every day; the sea air will do you good.
And tell your father I cannot spare you
more than a fortnight."
Di would have given anything to show
her grandmother that she was thankful—oh,
how thankful in this grey world!—for
her sympathy and love, but she had no
words. She kissed Mrs. Courtenay, and
went down to the cab.
Mrs. Courtenay remained motionless until
she heard it drive away. Then she let two
tears run down from below her spectacles,
and wiped them away. No more followed
them. The old cannot give way like the
young. Mrs. Courtenay had once said that
nothing had power to touch her very nearly;
but she was still vulnerable on one point.
Her old heart, worn with so many troubles,
ached for her granddaughter.
"Thank God," she said to herself, "that
in the next world there will be neither
marrying nor giving in marriage. Perhaps
God Almighty sees it's a mistake."
Di found Colonel Tempest wrapped up
in a duvet in an armchair by the window of
his sitting-room, in a state of equal indignation
against his children for deserting him,
and against the rain for blurring the seaview
from the window. With his nurse, it
is hardly necessary to add, he was not on
speaking terms—a fact which seemed to
cause that patient, apathetic person very
little annoyance, she being, as she told Di,
"accustomed to gentlemen."
Di soothed him as best she could, took
his tray from the nurse at the door, so that
he might be spared as much as possible the
sight of the most hideous woman in the
world, rang for lights, and drew a curtain
before the untactful rain, while he declaimed
alternately on the enormity of Archie's behaviour,
and on the callousness of Mrs.
Courtenay in endeavouring to keep his
daughter, his only daughter, away from
him. Colonel Tempest and Archie detested
Mrs. Courtenay. However much
the father and son might disagree and
bicker on most subjects, they could always
sing a little duet together in perfect harmony
about her.
Colonel Tempest began a feeble solo on
that theme to Di when he had finished with
Archie; but Di visibly froze, and somehow
the subject, often as it was started, always
dropped. Di, as Colonel Tempest frequently
informed her, did not care to hear
the truth about her grandmother. If she
knew all that he did about her, and what
her behaviour had been to him, she would
not be so fond of her as she evidently was.
Earlier in his illness Di had been obliged
to exercise patience with her father, but she
needed none now. That is the one small
compensation for deep trouble. It numbs
the power of feeling small irritations. It is
when it begins to lift somewhat that the
small irritations fit themselves out with new
stings. Di had not reached that stage yet.
The doctor who came daily to see her father
looked narrowly at her, and ordered her to
go out-of-doors as much as possible, in wet
weather or fine.
"I sometimes take a little nap after
luncheon," said Colonel Tempest with
dignity. "You might go out then, Di."
"Miss Tempest will in any case go out
morning and afternoon," said the doctor
with decision.
Colonel Tempest had before had his
doubts whether the doctor understood his
case, but now they were confirmed. He
wished to change doctors, and a painful
scene ensued between him and Di, in the
course of which a hole was kicked in the
duvet, and a cup of broth was upset. But
it is an ascertained fact that women are not
amenable to reason. Di sewed up the hole
in the duvet, rubbed the carpet, and remained,
as Colonel Tempest hysterically informed
her, "as obstinate as her mother before her."
On the second morning after her arrival
at Brighton she was sitting with Colonel
Tempest, reading the papers to him, when
the waiter brought in the letters. There
were none for her, two for her father. One
was a foreign letter with a blue French
stamp. She took them to him where he
lay on the sofa.
Colonel Tempest looked at them.
"Nothing from Archie again," he said.
"He does not care even to write and ask
whether I am alive or dead."
"Archie is not a good hand at writing,"
said Di, echoing, for the sake of saying
something, the time-honoured masculine plea
for exemption from the tedium of domestic
correspondence.
"This is John's hand," said Colonel Tempest.
"A Paris postmark. How these
rich men do rush about!"
Di had actually not known it was John's
writing. She had never seen it, to her
knowledge, but nevertheless it appeared
to her extraordinary that she had not at
once divined that it was his. She was not
anxious to hear her father's comments on
John's letter, or the threadbare remark,
sacred to the poor relation, that when the
rich one was sitting down to draw a cheque
he might just as well have written it for
double the amount. He would never have
known the difference. The poor relation
always knows exactly how much the rich
one can afford to give. So Di told her
father she was going out, and left the room.
It stung her, as she laced her boots, to
think that John had probably sent another
cheque to cover their expenses at the hotel,
and that the fried soles and semolina-pudding
which she had ordered for luncheon
would be paid for by him. It exasperated
her still more to know that whatever John
sent, Colonel Tempest would pronounce to
be mean.
Before she had finished lacing her boots,
however, the sitting-room door was opened,
and Di heard her father calling wildly to
her.
Colonel Tempest was not allowed to
move, except with great precaution, owing
to the slow healing of the obstinate internal
injury caused by that unlucky pistol-shot.
She rushed headlong downstairs.
"Father!" she cried, horrified to find him
standing on the landing. "Father, come
back at once!" And she put her arms
round him, and supported him back to the
sofa.
He was trembling from head to foot. She
saw that something had happened, but he
was not in a state to be questioned. She
administered what restoratives she had at
hand, and presently the constantly moving
lips got out the words, "Read it;" and
Colonel Tempest pointed to a letter on the
floor.
"Read it," repeated Colonel Tempest,
lying back on his cushions, and recovering
from his momentary collapse. "Read it."
Di picked up the letter and sat down by
the window. She was suddenly too tired
to stand. Her father was talking wildly,
but she did not hear him; was calling to her
to read it aloud, but she did not hear him.
She saw only John's strong, small handwriting.
It was a business letter, couched in the
most matter-of-fact terms. John stated his
case—expressed a formal regret that the
facts he mentioned had not come to light
at Mr. Tempest's death, mentioned that the
accumulation of income during his minority
had fortunately remained untouched, that
he had desired his lawyer to communicate
with Colonel Tempest, and signed himself
"John Fane." He had written the
word "Tempest," and had then struck it
through.
Di pressed her forehead against the glass
on which the rain was beating.
Was the emotion which was shattering
her joy or sorrow, or both?
She knew it was joy. In a lightning-flash
of comprehension she realized that it was
this awful calamity which had kept John
silent, which had held him back from coming
to her, from asking her to marry him. He
loved her still! Love, dead and buried, had
risen out of his grave. The impossible had
happened. John loved her still.
"I cannot bear it," she said; and for a
moment the long yellow waves, and her
father's impatient voice, and even John's
letter, were alike blotted out, unheard.
Colonel Tempest considered Di's apathy,
after she had read the letter, unfeeling and
unsympathetic in the extreme, and he did
not hesitate to tell her so. But when she
presently turned her averted face towards
him he was already off on another tack, his
excitement, which seemed to increase rather
than diminish, tossing him as a wave tosses
a spar.
"Twenty years," he said tremulously.
"Think of it, Di—not that you seem to care!
Twenty years have I toiled and moiled in
poverty, twenty years have I and my children
been ground down while that nameless
interloper has spent our money right and left.
Oh, my God! I've got it at last. I've got
my own at last. But who will give me back
those twenty years?" and Colonel Tempest's
voice broke into a sob.
Other consequences of that letter began
to dawn on Di's awakening consciousness.
"Then John," she said, bewildered. "Oh,
father, what will become of John?"
"John," said Colonel Tempest, bitterly,
"is now just where I was twenty years ago—disinherited,
penniless. He has kept me out
all these years, and now at last Providence
gives me my own."
It is to be hoped that Providence is not
really responsible for all the shady transactions
for which we offer up our best
thanks.
"I dare say he has put by," continued
Colonel Tempest. "He has had time
enough."
"You have not read the letter carefully,"
said Di. "He only discovered all this less
than three months ago, and you have been
ill for more than two."
Colonel Tempest did not hear her. He
had ceased for the last twenty years to hear
anything he did not want to.
"Fifty thousand a year," he went on; "not
a penny less. And the New River shares
have gone up since Jack's day. And there
was a large sum which rolled up during the
minority. John is right there. There must
be over a hundred thousand. You shall
have that, Di. Archie will kick, but you
shall have it. Eight thousand pounds John
settled on you a year ago. That was the
amount of his generosity to my poor girl.
You shall not have a penny less than a
hundred thousand. Not during my lifetime,
of course; but when I die——" he
added hastily.
Di could articulate nothing.
"I shall pay my own debts and Archie's
in a moment," he continued, not noticing
whether she answered or not. "If you
want a new gown, Di, you may send the bill
to me. I don't believe I owe a thousand,
and Archie not so much, poor lad, though
John was always pulling a long face over his
debts. How deuced mean John was from
first to last! Well, do as you would be done
by. I'll do for him alone what he thought
enough for the two of you. I'll never give
him cause to say I'm close-fisted. He shall
have your eight thousand, and he shall have
three hundred a year, the same that he
allowed Archie, as well."
"He won't take it."
"Won't take it!" said Colonel Tempest,
contemptuously. "That's all you know
about the world, Di. I tell you he'll
have to take it. I tell you he has not a
sixpence in the world at this moment, to
say nothing of owing me twenty years'
income."
Colonel Tempest rambled on of how
Archie should leave the army and live at
Overleigh, of how Di should live there too,
and Mrs. Courtenay might go to the devil.
Presently he fell to wondering what state
the shooting was in, and how many pheasants
John was breeding at that moment. Every
instant it became more unbearable, till at
last Di sent for the nurse, made an excuse
of posting her letters, and slipped out of the
room.
She went out to her old friends, the yellow
waves, and, too exhausted to walk, sat down
under the lee of one of the high wooden
rivets between which the sea licks the
pebbly shore into grooves.
Gradually the tension of her mind relaxed.
Di sat and watched the waves until they
washed away the high invalid voice vibrating
in some acute recess of her brain; washed
away the hideous thought that they were
rich because John was penniless and dishonoured;
washed away everything except
the one fact that his silence was accounted
for, and that he loved her after all.
Di looked out across the rain-trodden sea.
If it was raining, she did not know it. What
did anything in this wide world matter so
long as John loved her? Poverty was
nothing. Marriage was nothing either.
What did it matter if they could not marry
so long as they loved each other?
Once in a lifetime it is vouchsafed alike
to the worldly and to the pure, to the earnest
and to the frivolous, to discern that vision—which
has been ever life's greatest reality
or life's greatest illusion according to the
character of the beholder—that to love and
to be loved is enough.
A wet glint came across the sea, exquisite
and evanescent as the gleam across Di's heart.
"It is enough!" said Di; and her soul was
flooded with a solemn joy a thousand times
deeper than when she had first discovered
her love for John, and his for her, and a
brilliant future was before her.
Sorrow with his pick mines the heart.
But he is a cunning workman. He deepens
the channels whereby happiness may enter,
and hollows out new chambers for joy to
abide in, when he is gone.
CHAPTER XVI.
"Though the mills of God grind slowly, yet they grind exceeding small." Longfellow.
THE doctor was sitting with Colonel
Tempest on Di's return to the hotel,
and Di perceived that her father, who was
still in a very excited state, had been telling
him about his sudden change of fortune.
The doctor courteously offered his congratulations,
and on leaving made a pretext
of inquiring after Di's health in order to see
her alone.
"Colonel Tempest has been telling me
of his unexpected access of wealth," he said.
"In his present condition of nervous prostration,
and tendency to cerebral excitement,
the information should most certainly have
been withheld from him. His brain is not
in a state to bear the strain which such an
event might have put upon it, has put upon
it. Were such a thing to occur again in his
enfeebled condition, I cannot answer for the
consequences."
"It was absolutely unforeseen," said Di.
"None of us had the remotest suspicion.
He has been in the habit of reading his
letters for the past month."
"They must be kept from him for the
present," replied the doctor. "Let them be
brought to you in future, and use your own
discretion about showing them to him after
you have read them yourself. Your father
must be guarded from all agitation."
This was more easily said than done.
Nothing could turn Colonel Tempest's
shattered, restless mind from hopping like a
grasshopper on that one subject for the
remainder of the day. The bit of cork in
his medicine, which at another time would
have elicited a torrent of indignation, excited
only a momentary attention. He talked
without ceasing—hinted darkly at danger
to John which that young man's creditable
though tardy action had averted, alluded to
passages in his own life which nothing would
induce him to divulge, and then lighting on
a sentimental vein, discoursed of a happy old
age (the old age of fiction), in which he
should see Archie's and Di's children playing
in the gallery at Overleigh. And the old
name——
Di had not realized, until her parent descanted
upon the subject in a way that set
her teeth on edge, how hideous, how vulgar,
is the seamy side of pride of birth. When
Colonel Tempest began to dwell on "the
goodness and the grace that on his birth
had smiled," shall we blame Di if she put
on the clock half an hour, and rang for the
nurse?
Things were not much better next morning.
Di gave strict orders that all letters
and telegrams should be brought to her
room. Colonel Tempest fidgeted because
he had not heard from the lawyer in whose
hands John had placed the transfer of the
property. The letter was in Di's pocket,
but she dared not give it to him, for though
it contained nothing to agitate him, she
knew that the fact that she had opened it
would raise a whirlwind.
"And Archie," said Colonel Tempest,
querulously—"I ought to have heard from
him too. If John told him the same day
that he wrote to me, we ought to have heard
from Archie this morning. I should have
imagined that though Archie did not give
his father a thought when he was poor, he
might have thought him worthy of a little
consideration now."
"If that is the motive you would have
given him if he had written, it is just as well
he has not," said Di; but she wondered at
his silence nevertheless.
But she did not wonder long.
She left her father busily writing to an
imaginary lawyer, for he had neither the
name nor address of John's, and on the landing
met a servant bringing a telegram to her
room. She took it upstairs, and though it
was addressed to her father, opened it. She
had no apprehension of evil. The old are
afraid of telegrams, but the young have
made them common, and have worn out
their prestige.
The telegram was from John, merely
stating that Archie had been taken seriously
ill.
Di's heart gave a leap of thankfulness
that her father had been spared this further
shock. But Archie. Seriously ill. She
was indignant at John's vague statement.
What did seriously ill mean? Why could
not he say what was the matter? And how
could she keep the fact of his illness from
her father? Ought she to go at once to
Archie? Seriously ill. How like a man
to send a telegram of that kind! She would
telegraph at once to John for particulars, and
go or stay according as the doctor thought
she could or could not safely leave her
father. Di put on her walking things, and
ran out to the post-office round the corner,
where she despatched a peremptory telegram
to John; and then, seeing there was no one
else to advise her, hurried to the doctor's
house close at hand. For a wonder he
was in. For a greater still, his last patient
walked out as she walked in. The doctor,
with the quickness of his kind, saw the
difficulty, and caught up his hat to come
with her.
"You shall go to your brother if you can,"
was the only statement to which he would
commit himself during the two minutes' walk
in the rain; the two minutes which sealed
Colonel Tempest's fate.
No one knew exactly how it happened.
Perhaps the hall porter had gone to his
dinner, and the little boy who took his place
for half an hour brought up the telegram to
the person to whom it was addressed. No
one knew afterwards how it had happened.
It did happen, that was all.
Colonel Tempest had the pink paper in
his hand as the doctor and Di entered the
room. He was laughing softly to himself.
"Archie is dead," he said, chuckling.
"That is what John would like me to
believe. But I know better. It is John
that is dead. It is John who had to be
snuffed out. Swayne said so, and he knew.
And John says it's Archie, and he will write.
Ha, ha! We know better, eh, doctor? eh,
Di? John's dead. Eight and twenty years
old he was; but he's dead at last. He won't
write any more. He won't spend my money
any more. He won't keep me out any more."
Colonel Tempest dropped on his knees.
The only prayer he knew rose to his lips.
"For what we are going to receive, the Lord
make us truly thankful."
For an awful day and night the fierce
flame of delirium leaped and fell, and ever
leaped again. With set face Di stood hour
after hour in the blast of the furnace, till
doctor and nurse marvelled at her courage
and endurance.
On the evening of the second day John
came. He had written to tell Colonel Tempest
of his coming, but the letter had not
been opened.
The doctor, thinking he was Di's brother,
brought him into the sick-room, too crowded
with fearful images for his presence to be
noticed by the sick man.
"John is dead," the high-pitched terrible
voice was saying. "Blundering fools. First
there was the railway, but Goodwin saved
him; damn his officiousness. And then
there was the fire. They nearly had him
that time. How grey he looked! Burnt to
ashes. Bandaged up to the eyes. But he
got better. And then the carnival. They
muffed it again. Oh, Lord, how slow they
were! But"—the voice sank to a frightful
whisper—"they got him in Paris. I don't
know how they did it—it's a secret; but
they trapped him at last."
Suddenly the glassy eyes looked with
horrified momentary recognition at John.
"Risen from the dead," continued the
voice. "I knew he would get up again.
I always said he would; and he has. You
can't kill John. There's no grave deep
enough to hold him. Look at him with his
head out now, and the earth upon his hair.
We ought to have put a monument over him
to keep him down. He's getting up. I tell
you I did not do it. The grave's not big
enough. Swayne dug it for him when he
was a little boy—a little boy at school."
Di turned her colourless face to John, and
smiled at him, as one on the rack might
smile at a friend to show that the anguish
is not unbearable. She felt no surprise at
seeing him. She was past surprise. She
had forgotten that she had ever doubted his
love.
In silence he took the hand she held out
towards him, and kept it in a strong gentle
clasp that was more comfort than any words.
Hour after hour they watched and ministered
together, and hour by hour the lamp
of life flared grimly low and lower. And
after he had told everything—everything,
everything that he had concealed in life—after
John and Di had heard, in awed compassion
and forgiveness, every word of the
guilty secret which he had kept under lock
and key so many years, at last the tide of
remembrance ebbed away and life with it.
Did he know them in the quiet hours that
followed? Did he recognize them? They
bent over him. They spoke to him gently,
tenderly. Did he understand? They never
knew.
And so, in the grey of an April morning,
poor Colonel Tempest, unconscious of death,
which had had so many terrors for him in
life, drifted tranquilly upon its tide from the
human compassion that watched by him
here, to the Infinite Pity beyond.
CONCLUSION.
"Where there are twa seeking there will be a finding."
AFTER John had taken Di back to
London he returned to Brighton,
and from thence to Overleigh, to arrange for
the double funeral. He had not remembered
to mention that he was coming, and in the
dusk of a wet afternoon he walked up by
the way of the wood, and let himself in at
the little postern in the wall. He had
not thought he should return to Overleigh
again, yet here he was once more in the
dim gallery, with its faint scent of pot-pourri,
his hand as he passed stirring it from long
habit. The pictures craned through the
twilight to look at him. He stole quietly
upstairs and along the garret gallery. The
nursery door was open. A glow of light fell
on Mitty's figure. What was she doing?
John stopped short and looked at her,
and, with a sudden recollection as of some
previous existence, understood.
Mitty was packing. Two large white
grocery boxes were already closed and corded
in one corner. John saw "Best Cubes"
printed on them, and it dawned upon his
slow masculine consciousness that those
boxes were part of Mitty's luggage.
Mitty was standing in the middle of the
room, holding at arm's length a little red
flannel dressing-gown, which knocked twenty
years off John's age as he looked.
"I shall take it," she said, half aloud.
"It's wore as thin as thin behind; that and
the open socks as I've mended and better-be-mended;"
and she thrust them both
hastily, as if for fear she should repent,
into a tin box, out of which the battered
head of John's old horse protruded.
If there was one thing certain in this world,
it was that the Noah's ark would not go in
unless the horse came out. Mitty tried
many ways, and was contemplating them
with arms akimbo when John came in.
She showed no surprise at seeing him, and
with astonishment John realized that it was
only six days since he had left Overleigh.
It was actually not yet a week since that far-distant
afternoon, separated from the present
by such a chasm, when he had lain on his
face in the heather, and the deep passions of
youth had rent him and let him go. Here
at Overleigh time stopped. He came back
twenty years older, and the almanac on his
writing-table marked six days.
John made the necessary arrangements
for the funeral to take place at midnight,
according to the Tempest custom, which he
knew Colonel Tempest would have been the
last to waive. He wrote to tell Di what
he had settled, together with the hour and
the date. He dared not advise her not to
be present, but he remembered the vast
concourse of people who had assembled at
his father's funeral to see the torchlight
procession, and he hoped she would not
come.
But Mrs. Courtenay wrote back that her
granddaughter was fixed in her determination
to be present, that she had reluctantly
consented to it, and would accompany her
herself. She added in a postscript that no
doubt John would arrange for them to stay
the night at Overleigh, and they should
return to London the next day.
The night of the funeral was exceeding
dark and still; so still that many, watching
from a distance on Moat-hill, heard the
voice saying, "I am the resurrection and
the life, saith the Lord: he that believeth
in Me, though he were dead, yet shall he
live."
And again—
"We brought nothing into this world,
and it is certain we can carry nothing
out."
The night was so calm that the torches
burned upright and unwavering, casting a
steadfast light on church and graveyard and
tilted tombstones, on the crowded darkness
outside, and on the worn faces of a man
and woman who stood together between two
open graves.
John and Di exchanged no word as they
drove home. There were lights and a fire
in the music-room, and she went in there,
and began absently to take off her hat and
long crêpe veil. Mrs. Courtenay had gone
to bed.
John followed Di with a candle in his
hand. He offered it to her, but she did not
take it.
"It is good-bye as well as good night," he
said, holding out his hand. "I must leave
here very early to-morrow."
Di took no notice of his outstretched hand.
She was looking into the fire.
"You must rest," he said gently, trying to
recall her to herself.
A swift tremor passed over her face.
"You are right," she said, in a low voice.
"I will rest—when I have had five minutes'
talk with you."
John shut the door, and came back to the
fireside. He believed he knew what was
coming, and his face hardened. It was bitter
to him that Di thought it worth while to
speak to him on the subject. She ought to
have known him better.
She faced him with difficulty, but without
hesitation. They looked each other in the
eyes.
"You are going to London early to see
your lawyer," she said, "on the subject that
you wrote to father about."
"I am."
"That is why I must speak to you to-night.
I dare not wait." Her eyes fell before the
stern intentness of his. Her voice faltered
a moment, and then went on. "John, don't
go. It is not necessary. Don't grieve me by
leaving Overleigh, or—changing your name."
A great bitterness welled up in John's
heart against the woman he loved—the
bitterness which sooner or later few men
escape, of realizing how feeble is a woman's
perception of what is honourable or dishonourable
in a man.
"Ah, Di," he said, "you are very generous.
But do not let us speak of it again. Such
a thing could not be."
He took her hand, but she withdrew it
instantly.
"John," she said with dignity, "you
misunderstand me. It would be a poor
kind of generosity in me to offer what it is
impossible for you to accept. You wound
me by thinking I could do such a thing.
I only meant to ask you to keep your
present name and home for a little
while, until—they both will become yours
again by right—the day when—you marry
me."
A beautiful colour had mounted to Di's
face. John's became white as death.
"Do you love me?" he said hoarsely,
shaking from head to foot.
"Yes," she replied, trembling as much
as he.
He held her in his arms. The steadfast
heart that understood and loved him beat
against his own.
"Di!" he stammered—"Di!"
And they wept and clung together like
two children.
POSTSCRIPT.
MITTY'S packing was never finished—why,
she did not understand. But
John, who helped her to rearrange her things,
understood, and that was enough for her.
For many springs and spring cleanings the
horse-chestnut buds peered in at the nursery
windows and found her still within. I think
the wishes of Mitty's heart all came to
pass, and that she loved "Miss Dinah;"
but nevertheless I believe that, to the end
of life, she never quite ceased to regret the
little kitchen that John had spoken of, where
she would have made "rock buns" for her
lamb, and waited on him "hand and foot."
PRINTED BY WILLIAM CLOWES AND SONS, LIMITED.
LONDON AND BECCLES.