Daphne, her governess, and a new trunk marked D.D.T.B.,
were all in the Windsor train as it moved out of
Paddington. A sense of well-being accompanied Miss Carrell
too. So often had she seen parents bringing their children to
Hemans House, and envied them the position in which they
stood to the school and to the mistresses. It was the difference
between the paying and the paid, between the clients of a firm
and its servants. Not so much those whose children came for
notoriously reduced fees; them she had rather pitied. And
now here was she, wearing gracefully the clothes of the leisured
classes, and bringing to Miss Vidella a best-paying child. Under
a manner of graciousness and charm she would talk to the
junior mistresses.
She could congratulate herself on the skill with which she
had played for Mr. Bruno's decision. She had used Daphne
first, hanging before her gaze pictures of life at Hemans House
as it lived in her memory—its fun and mischief, its quaint
customs, and its tales of friendship between girl and girl or
between governess and pupil, till the child's imagination was
possessed by Miss Vidella and her establishment, and she would
pester her father to be sent to that school and no other. With
the father Miss Carrell had kept her recommendation free from
over-emphasis, though unmistakably strong. She made capital
with the idea that Daphne would probably do best at a school
on which she was keen. And Mr. Bruno had agreed.
Daphne was less happy than Miss Carrell. After all her
noisy enthusiasm for school, she did not like to admit a present
anxiety that was almost a dread. Even from herself she pushed
away a wish that she and Owen and Miss Carrell could have
gone on for ever in the schoolroom upstairs with the two desks.
As the train hurried towards Windsor she gazed out of the
window and affected, for her previous attitude demanded nothing
less, a great excitement about the journey and its destination.
"You'll soon seen Windsor Castle," said Miss Carrell.
"Shall we? How ripping!" But she felt that the moment
of seeing Windsor Castle, where it towered above the distant
trees, would be a moment of something like fright; and one
could wish that the train would roll on and on, so that the
moment never came. The hunched carters whose wagons
rumbled on the country roads were people to be envied for their
age and freedom; so were the porters on the platforms, who
would be doing to-morrow what they were doing this afternoon;
and the engine driver, alone in his engine day after day,
with no head mistress or big girls to overawe him. Something
was wrong with her breathing; she kept wanting to rearrange
it with a short, quick inhalation or a downward sigh or yawn.
But when Miss Carrell, looking out of the window, began to
search the skyline for the Round Tower of Windsor Castle,
that she might point it out with an exhibitor's pride, and at last
exclaimed: "There it is—there between the trees!" Daphne
jumped up and stared out of the door-window in an imitation
of effervescing delight. A sickish business, because her heart
was not in the effervescence; it was lying somewhere lower than
usual and beating too fast.
"Is Hemans House far from the station?" she asked, and
though her voice was meant to suggest impatience, the words
were really an appeal for delay.
"Yes, it's a mile or more, but we'll take a fly."
Usually taking a fly was a treat, but now, as the train slowed
into Windsor station, the cab seemed little better than a Black
Maria or a tumbrel. But life bustles you on regardless of your
desire to go slow, or even to stop still, and Miss Carrell bustled
her on to the platform. There as she waited, trembling in the
cold wind, she sank herself deeper in that despairing envy of
all the other persons who were getting out of the carriages:
the young people whose schooldays were behind them, the
middle-aged who must have forgotten all about school, and the old
men who were near death.
Miss Carrell pushed her into the fly, and said "Hemans
House" to the cabman, who nodded "Yes'm," and flicked at
his horse, starting it up the hill.
Daphne watched out of the window. "Now we're almost
there!" she exclaimed, to keep up the fiction of excited
happiness.
The high garden wall of Hemans House was not likely to
diminish her anxiety; nor the depressing tangle of trees on the
other side of the wall, the moss-green gravel, and the stucco
house. There was more cheer about the white hearthstoned
steps and the green hall door. But the clang of the bell in the
basement had a ring of irreparability, as if it had snapped off
the past; and the waiting for the door to open was unlike any
other waiting she had ever known. Fears seemed to have
vivified her thinking and heightened her imagination above the
normal. White hearthstoned steps, hollowed where the feet
trod, were no longer steps and nothing more. Steps? Steps
were romantic things. What one-time tenants of this old house
had come up these steps and gone down them, and with what
emotions! And now they were in their graves. Perhaps some
daughter of the house had eloped down these steps with her
lover, like Dorothy Vernon of Haddon Hall. A fraction of
those hollows was made by their flying feet. School girls,
converging from all parts, had come up these steps, and wondered
what years lay before them. And after a time they had taken
their farewell journey down them. Stirring, sweet thought,
that last walk down them! Long after Miss Vidella had died—one
could be selfishly happy if she died this afternoon—other
tenants, not yet born perhaps, would come up these steps.
A crowd would stand here to watch a wedding pair descend
to their carriage on the drive. And the bodies of people would
one day be carried in coffins, feet foremost, down the steps.
That time they would make no impression on the hollows....
The door was opening, and a maid, who recognised Miss
Carrell, was inviting them to come in. They were walking
through a rather dark hall to the reception-room. Now they
were waiting in the reception-room. This was like an interval
between two parts of one's life, an empty, silent pause, like the
place where the coupling was, between two coaches of a railway
train.
Daphne here began to fill the interval, and thus to contract
to commonplace thinking again, by a study of the framed
portraits of former pupils. All of them seemed to have written,
something like, "To dear Miss Vidella, from her affectionate
Violet," and she was cheered by these proofs of lovableness in
her head-mistress. How pleasant, when she should have left
school for ever, to send a photograph, signed, "To my dear
mistress, from her loving Daphne Deirdre Tenter Bruno!" She
was startled away from the frames by the sound of a high-pitched
voice outside; and the door opened, and Miss Vidella
made a dignified entry. Daphne had heard from Miss Carrell
that her future principal was "short, stout and very quaint,"
but the words had suggested no such caricature as this. With
a moment's homesickness she knew that, had Owen and she in
their former freedom seen such a figure in the street, they
would have giggled and hurried out of sight.
"So this is little Daphne Bruno!" said Miss Vidella, stretching
out a cold hand which Daphne took. The hand seemed to
share none of the affection of the high-pitched voice, but to be
a sort of perfunctory companion who did what was expected
of it without enthusiasm.
"We generally call her Duffy at home," said Miss Carrell.
"Duffy! What a strange name! I don't think we can call
her that here. Sounds too much like Duffer—and we have
none of them here." Daphne wondered if this were supposed
to be funny. "Besides, being her father's daughter, she'll be
anything but a dunce. No, we shall only call her Daphne."
Daphne had a sense of seeing Duffy dismissed from the room.
"And how is your dear father?"
"Very-well-thank-you."
"And is he writing another of his splendid books?"
"Yes-I-think-so."
"That's right."
"He's always at work," interjected Miss Carrell.
"Dear me. You must be a proud little girl to be the daughter
of so celebrated a parent. Are you?"
Daphne had never thought of it like that—one hardly did
about one's father—but she dutifully mumbled "Yes."
"Well, Daphne dear, you must be happy with us. Your
father was most careful to choose a school where you would be
happy, and you mustn't disappoint him, but tell him how happy
you are here." She turned to Miss Carrell. "I am hoping he
will consent to act as a reference for us.... And I tell you
what would be nice for you, Daphne, and make you feel more
at home, if you could persuade some other dear little girl friends
to come to school with you here. Will you?"
"Yes."
"And to think that Miss Carrell, whom I know so well,
should have been helping you with your studies for the last
few years! Have you learnt a lot from her?"
"Yes."
"That's right. Well, you're a little shy now, aren't you?
Very natural, I am sure. Perhaps you'd like to go downstairs
to the dining-room, and see some of your school-fellows. Would
you like to do that?"
"Yes—thank—you."
"That's right." Miss Vidella struck a bell on the table beside
her. "You'll stay here, won't you, Miss Carrell? I am
expecting some more of the dear children's parents, and we shall
have a cup of tea up here." The maid entered in response to
the bell, and her mistress said: "Knight" (she achieved added
dignity by calling all her maids by their surnames), "please
take Miss Daphne Tenter Bruno and show her her dormitory—she's
sleeping in the Eliza Cook room—and then show her to
where the other young ladies are assembled in the dining-room.
Miss Sims is looking after them."
"Yes, madam."
"Thank you.... Now do you go with Knight, dear, who
will show you the way.... Ah, yes, yes, Miss Carrell will
come and see you before she goes."
Daphne passed out of the door behind the maid, Knight. As
the door closed, the thought of Miss Carrell partaking of an
exalted tea with the parents made it seem as if she had been
assumed into a heaven, leaving Daphne to work out her
salvation in loneliness below.
"Come on, your Shyness," the maid surprised her by saying
as, not without kindness, she took her by the hand. "You'll
soon get used to us. There's worse places than school when
all's said and done, and worse schools than this, I daresay.
Come and see your bedroom. Up this way.... Just the next
floor.... Now in here.... There ... That's where you'll
sleep, and I wish I had half as good a room."
Daphne was in a large, bright room, with six beds whose
top blankets were scarlet and their linen well laundered. On
the floor at the foot of the nearest she recognised her trunk.
The five other beds started more nervousness.
Knight helped her to remove her coat and hat, brush her hair
and prepare for the dining-room. Then she led her downstairs
to a big, bare room in the basement. Here were three
long tables laid for tea, a vase of flowers at every four feet
giving an air of gaiety suitable to the day when the girls
returned. Round the walls were hung Maud Goodman's pictures:
"Taller Than You, Mother," "When the Heart is Young," and
"They Lived Happily ever Afterwards." In the bay window,
whose panes looked out upon a shallow area, sat a young
mistress, evidently Miss Sims. She was a short woman
with a colourless face, not ill-featured, and dull, fair hair.
Her popularity was shown by the girls who were dancing
around her, or sitting with dangling legs on a table at her
side.
All heads turned as the maid entered with Daphne.
"Here's one of the new girls, Miss Sims. She's Miss Daphne
Brunner, or some name like that."
"Oh, yes. We've heard all about her—Daphne Bruno."
Miss Sims, in her relations with her pupils, was the complete
sentimentalist. She lived with emotions she would have been
ashamed to reveal. And yet, to herself, she liked to call these
emotions the noblest thing in her. It was just this, she had
to have somebody to love passionately. The six years of her
teaching had been a chain of such hungry, largely concealed
loves for some fair-featured pupil. And at the moment when
Daphne first saw her, though she was laughing gaily with the
girls, for all of whom she felt affection, her mind was really
full of treasured regrets and self-pity, because an older pupil,
Audrey Stanton, who had held her heart and filled her dreams,
had left the school the previous term. "Doubtless," Miss Sims
had thought during the holidays, "she will write me a few
affectionate letters, and then forget all about me." The pathos
of this had evoked a few verses, one of which ran:
Upon the threshold of a broader view,
Where lay revealed what girlhood sees,
I left my little pupil standing, and withdrew
To fondle memories.
And another, supposed to be written in ten years' time when
all the girl-children on whom she had expended her love should
be dispersed:
O Time, reverse the glass, and let flow back the sands!
Within a stucco house once more a figure stands,
And smiles on upturned faces, grasping outstretched hands.
Revive the past? Ah no! Nor yet retie the knot,
For time must move, and early-formed attachments rot,
And so the tale is told, a girlhood friend forgot.
The melancholy of her return this term to familiar walls
empty of Audrey Stanton had been relieved (though in loyalty
she hardly admitted it) by the hope that some new pupil would
win her heart. When she had been told about the great
Mr. Tenter Bruno's daughter, she had wondered whether this
interesting child would be able to succeed to Audrey, and to give
her all the exquisite delights and sufferings that that gracious
girl had had the power to bestow.
And now she saw Daphne. She saw an eleven-year-old child
whose brown hair had not yet been tied back with a ribbon.
The eyes were brown, large and inquiring; the nose straight
and small; the mouth at the moment, unmoving and sad—though
the sadness, perhaps, was reflected from a timidity in
the eyes. The narrow figure, with its early promise of long,
thin limbs, was indistinguishable from a boy's.... The child
looked lost.
Miss Sims's heart moved out to her aid, swelling with hope.
Daphne, quite unaware that there was a person in the room
who was wondering whether she would be able to love her
better than any one else in the world, was introduced to all the
girls, none of whom made any impression on her except a
certain Gertrude Wayne. This girl, who was perhaps a year
older than Daphne, but no taller, had deliberately come and sat
beside her, and studied to be pleasant.
(The hidden fact was that Gertrude Wayne had just finished
reading a boys' school story, "The Best House at Whitefriars,"
whose hero, a Godfrey Baldwin, had always been very kind
and protecting to new boys, and thereby earned their worship;
and her behaviour just now was modelled on Godfrey's. She
had even a hope that the bigger girls would be unkind to this
new kid, so that she could stand up for her. It must be splendid
to have the admiration that Godfrey inspired.)
"What did they say your name was?"
"Daphne Bruno."
"Any other names?"
'Yes; Daphne Deirdre Tenter Bruno."
"Oh, I think Deirdre is a ripping name. Which are you
called by at home?"
"I'm generally called Duffy at home, but Miss Vidella says
I'm not to be called by that here."
"She would. Nicknames are the same as slang to her, the
old—— But's really she's not so bad." (Gertrude had suddenly
remembered that Godfrey never spoke unkindly of any one.)
"She did the same with me. I'm always called Trudy at home,
but she said, 'My dear, what a strange name! It's too much
like Judy,' and she made me be called Gertrude. I shall call
you Duffy, if you'll call me Trudy. Will you?"
"Yes."
"Where are you sleeping?"
"In the Eliza Cook room I think it was called."
"Oh, blow! I'm in the Frances Burney room. Never mind.
If there's anything I can do for you, let me know. I remember
how rotten it was when I was new. I've been here two years
now——"
The conversation was stopped by the sound of Miss Vidella's
voice outside, and when she entered with some parents, all the
girls stood up and kept silence. Some older ones giggled,
though their lips were compressed.
"This is the dining-room," sang Miss Vidella, and the parents,
male and female, gazed helpfully round. "Such a nice,
cheerful room. South aspect, and gets the whole day's sun....
Sit down, dears.... You won't mind them sitting down,
will you? Yes, they have all their meals here—not luxuries,
I'm afraid, but good, plain, wholesome food." (She
pronounced this word to rhyme with "good.") "Where's little
Daphne Bruno? Ah, there she is. Getting quite at home
already.... Come to me, dear, and let me introduce you. This
is the great Mr. Tenter Bruno's only daughter."
"Tenter Bruno was an old Harrovian," said one corpulent
father, interested for the first time. "He was at Harrow with
me."
"There. Now isn't that interesting? Here's some one who
was at school with your father. How small the world is! ... Now
do you run away, dear."
She soon took out the parents again, who bowed graciously
to Miss Sims before withdrawing. Then tea was brought in,
the first day of term being celebrated by such extras as blanc-mange
and jelly and bananas. The girls, now increased in numbers,
were chatteringly occupied with the meal, under the
supervision of Miss Sims and another mistress who had appeared,
when all were compelled to stand again with full and giggling
mouths by the entrance of Miss Vidella, and a second little
shift of parents.
"Ah, they've started, I see.... Miss Sims and Miss
Stevens." The parents bowed. "Yes, I don't pretend we
give them luxuries, but we study always to have good, plain,
nourishing food.... Well, sit down, dears, and get on with
your meal. I am sure you will be excused. This is one
of my new girls this term." Daphne stood up, blushing
because her mouth was full, and she was overborne by this
semicircle of parents about her. "She's Mr. Tenter Bruno's
daughter."
"Really?" exclaimed one lady.
"Yes, he's just sent her..... Sit down, dear.... It's a
fine, cheery room, isn't it? Perhaps you'd like to see the
dormitories."
They filed out, and the frost-bound chattering violently
thawed.
After tea, Daphne was left quite alone and unspoken to,
Trudy Wayne having gone away, and Miss Sims been relieved
by Miss Stevens. She sat on the edge of a table, and passed
the time looking up and round at the Maud Goodman pictures,
or watching some big girl whose voice was commanding a
moment's attention. Quite half an hour must have gone before
Miss Carrell came into the room to kiss her good-bye.
"Good-bye, Duffy, dear. I've got to be off to my train.
Try to be very happy."
"I think it's lovely," said Daphne.
On awaking next morning in the Eliza Cook room and
looking round upon its iron bedsteads, beneath whose
tumbled red blankets the hips and shoulders of five strange
girls made miniature mountain ranges, Daphne yielded to a
dull resignation. Owen, whose attractions she had too much
overlooked, was now seen to be a friend whose absence left
a damping blank. How good the holidays would be when
once again Hollins would come in, pull up the blinds, and wake
them! All these five schoolfellows were still asleep, and she
coveted the ease and familiarity which enabled them to hunch
up and sleep like that. Herself felt perfectly awake. She
would have rather liked to get up, but dared not move till
some of the others, by rising and dressing, showed her what
to do. There were six basins on a long trestle table, with a
clean, white cloth and four new pieces of brown carbolic soap.
To look at these squares of soap was to catch their smell.
Which of those basins ought she to use, and which piece
of soap? And how much of herself ought she to wash?
Always at home Hollins had taught her that when she didn't
have a bath she must wash, like all ladies and gentlemen,
right down to her waist, and never be guilty of the "cat-lick." But
she knew, as she lay there, that if the majority of these
girls made use of the "cat-lick," she would follow their
example. Moral courage, of course, demanded the opposite
(like Tom Brown saying his prayers), but she had no desire
to show moral courage. All she wanted was to do nothing
remarkable.
When at last, one by one, and with unembarrassed talking,
the girls got up, after a loud bell had rung downstairs, they
soon solved for her the problem of washing. All of them
seemed to dress as far as their princess petticoats before
approaching the basin, and then gave a hasty polish to their
faces and necks with the damp end of a towel. One girl,
even, who had lain in bed long after the bell had gone, did not
wash at all, but dashed downstairs with her dress undone,
plaiting her hair as she went.
Into the stream of girls which, fed by tributary rivulets from
other rooms, was cascading downstairs, Daphne slipped, so as
to flow along with it and see in what pool it finally settled. It
settled in the dining-room, where all the girls were taking up
places behind the chairs they had occupied at yesterday's tea.
Only whispered talk was passing across the breakfast things, as
if even that were contraband. Daphne slipped to the chair
that had known her yesterday, and in the absence of Owen,
Hollins, and Miss Carrell, the chair seemed a friend. She saw
Trudy Wayne, and Trudy saw her, and smiled and looked
dreamily ahead. Daphne wondered at the wistful self-sufficiency
in her eyes—not knowing that Trudy was posturing for
her admiration as Godfrey Baldwin of Whitefriars. The
whispers evaporated into empty silence as Miss Vidella walked
into the room. When Miss Vidella walked, everything from
her head to her waist was as stationary as the bust of a
stout lady carried on a tray, but everything from her waist to
her skirt-hem moved, and this motion gave her passage across
the room the character of a slow, dignified flounce. It also
shook and jingled the silver chatelaine, which, now that her
school was really in session, she had hung at her belt, much as
a mayor hangs his chain about his neck.
She went and stood in the window-bay, and immediately
Miss Mitchell, the music mistress, walked to the piano and sat
down. Daphne guessed. It was to be Prayers.
They sang, apparently by heart, the hymn:
"New every morning is the love
Our wakening and uprising prove."
and Miss Vidella in her high voice read a chapter of the
Bible. Then all knelt down behind their chairs for the collects
and prayers. Some who could not be seen of mistresses sat
on their heels. Daphne held on to the upright bars of the
back of her chair like a caged monkey, and stared through its
tracery at the bare seat and the drooping table-cloth. She
tried to say Amen when the others did, but the word would not
come quick enough, and was even once in danger of saying
itself after the next prayer had started; and this dreadful
moment decided her to leave the word alone. The public
and common worship over, all knelt in silence, till the head
mistress, who had been standing, began to move away, and then
all finished their private prayers at the same moment, jumped
up, pulled out their chairs, sat on them, and released the first
trickles of chatter. The door closed on Miss Vidella, who
had retired to a more dignified breakfast in her private room,
and the trickles of chatter swelled into a spate.
But throughout the meal Daphne employed only one word,
"Thank-you." She used it several times, to maids who brought
her food, and to the neighbours who passed the plate of bread
and butter. She ate her porridge without sugar, being afraid
to ask any one to pass it, and her bread and butter without
any marmalade, because the dish was so far away. There was
much talk of some one called "Petsy," whom she gradually
identified as Miss Vidella, and of some one called "Chutney,"
who was apparently a man. Once or twice she thought
she would start a conversation and feign the ease she did
not feel, beginning "Who is Chutney?" but the words never got
past her throat. She hardly knew herself. At home she had
always been a dominant note, and now she was completely
overawed, and in the tightening grip of a horrid desire to
cry. The moisture, indeed, was near her eyes, and the nearer
it came the nearer her vexation drew it, till at last she was in
an agony for the meal to be over, so that she could escape from
the crowd. Trudy Wayne had been at too great a distance
to speak to her. Only one other person had come out clearly
from the noisy background. Shortly after her arrival in
the room she had noticed Miss Sims seeking along the faces
of the girls for a particular one, and had felt a telepathic
certainty it was hers she sought. So she was not surprised
when the mistress's eyes encountered hers, and smiled a
sympathy. Daphne smiled confusedly back. After that she caught
Miss Sims looking at her frequently.
In the half-hour between breakfast and classes the girls
went to their various Form Rooms, which they were allowed
to use as Common Rooms. Daphne, being as yet placed in
no form, wondered where to go, and found herself left in the
long hall or corridor that ran behind the form-room doors.
Here she delayed, and when people passed, pretended to be
doing something definite lest she appeared lost and ridiculous.
Suddenly from a small door at the corridor's end Miss Sims
appeared, bearing a load of stiff-covered and glossy exercise
books ready for dealing out to the members of the form,
and directly she saw Daphne she stopped, and then advanced
towards her.
"Are you looking for some one, dear?"
Daphne looked up at her, and seeing the kindness in her
eyes, determined to be frank.
"Please where do I go to now?"
"My poor child, have you been out here all alone, wondering
where to go? I'll show you. Come with me."
She had intended to lead her to the girls in her own classroom,
but changed her direction. Here was the soft-featured
child whom last night she had chosen as first favourite for
the throne of Audrey Stanton, and it would be rather sweet
to have her alone for a few minutes in an empty room, and
to talk kindly to her there. Perhaps the child would cry, and
she would comfort her, stroking her head, and from that
moment the desired adoration would kindle in Daphne.
So Miss Sims walked towards the corner, where the corridor
made a right-angled turn and led to a back wing of
the house. The first door on her right was a music-room,
a cell-like place, containing a piano, two chairs, a table, and a
music-rack. With Daphne behind her she entered, and pushed
the door so that it closed but did not latch.
"Just come in here a minute where I have one or two
things to do."
She pretended to be engaged in sorting some music, but
soon stopped. Seating herself on one of the chairs, she said:
"Now come, Daphne dear, I want you to tell me all about
yourself."
Daphne came two or three steps nearer.
"Come dear, don't be afraid of me. Don't think of me
as a mistress, but just as a friend."
Daphne came up close against her knee, and Miss Sims
put her arm about her waist.
"There. You look sad and homesick. I want you to
tell me all your troubles. Always, will you? Anything that's
on your mind, no matter what it is. If any girl's unkind,
or any mistress doesn't understand you. Always tell me, for
already I feel so fond of you."
Perceiving that her pupil's head had dropped a little, as
though to hide a moisture, she pulled her closer by the waist,
and let her pressure speak silently of sympathy and understanding.
For quite a while she held her like that, till Daphne,
though grateful and beginning to reciprocate the affection, was
not without an embarrassment at its rapid progress.
"Promise me you'll let me do all I can for you. I want
to do a great deal. Will you promise me?"
"Yes," muttered Daphne.
Miss Sims pulled her close again; and it would have been
difficult to see how the conversation was to be continued or
closured, had not a high-pitched voice in the passage outside
caused Miss Sims to release the child abruptly.
"There," said she. "We must be getting to the class-rooms." A
disturbance was in her voice. "You help me to carry
these exercise books."
"Miss Sims! Miss Sims!" cried the voice without.
Miss Sims immediately issued from the music room with
Daphne following.
"Here I am, Miss Vidella. Little Daphne Bruno is helping
me with these exercise books. I thought perhaps I had
better give her something to do, lest she should be inclined
to mope at all this first morning."
Miss Vidella was apparently angry about something, and
eager to vent it.
"What a strange idea, Miss Sims! I think there can be
no reason why a child should mope in a school such as mine,
where everything is done to contribute to their happiness.
I think it's a strange idea to put in a child's head. Very
unwise. But that's neither here nor there at the moment. I
must ask you to communicate to Miss Mitchell my exceeding
displeasure at what I saw just now." She made suitable play
with her fat hands. "There was Mr. Pulteney calling to hear
if the same pupils were taking the violoncello, as indeed was
very proper of him, and there was Miss Mitchell talking to
him in the hall. I dislike intensely to come down the stairs,
and see in the entrance hall of my school a young man and a
young woman talking together like that. I wish you would
convey that impression to Miss Mitchell. Supposing some one
had called at that moment. If she as music mistress has
any communication to make to the visiting music master, she
must make it at the proper time and place. I think I left that
impression on them, however. I gave them one look, and
they went their several ways.... Well, Daphne dear, I hope
you are happy.... Do you like very much your new school?"
"Awfully."
"Awfully! What strange terms these dear children do
use! Well, dear, I think you had better start in Miss Sim's
form, the Fourth. We can examine you, and if you know
much more than the others of your age, we can move you
up.... Dear, dear, it is already half-past nine o'clock. Why
doesn't some one ring the bell for First Hour?"
In spite of Daphne's distinguished father, the verdict, after
an examination of her attainments in Miss Sims's class-room,
pronounced that she had but little scholarship, and her
intelligence was apparently unremarkable. In truth, she had but
few goods to display in her window. Her governess, Miss
Carrell, had directed her instruction to achieving popularity
with her pupil, and not to her future academic success.
Daphne's knowledge, therefore, was below the standard of her
age, and, more serious consequence, her capacity for
concentration on subjects she disliked was enervated and flabby.
Her failure this morning, while drawing from Miss Sims
the becoming sounds of disappointment, really relieved and
delighted the mistress. Now there was no chance of her
favourite being promoted to the form above. And with Miss
Sims, though the thought of cruelty could only sit under aliases
and disguises in her mind, it was always sweeter to see her
favourite in disgrace and hurt than successful and rejoicing.
So she did not minimise Daphne's ignorance when Miss Vidella
came in to hear the report, and to examine such papers as
the new girl had written.
"Strange!" whined the head mistress, as she took off the
steel spectacles with which she had scanned the work. "Strange
indeed that a father of such eminence should have so backward
a child. But it is often the way. Ordinary parents have
extraordinary children, and vice versa. Were your grandparents
utterly simple, child? Well, perhaps you don't know.
Perhaps one day you will have a little daughter who will
redress the balance. Meantime we must see what we can
make of you, and you must apply yourself studiously. Now
do you return to your seat, dear. You will remain in Miss
Sims's form."
With that decision Miss Vidella carried out her stationary
bust and back on her swinging hips; and Miss Sims tapped
Daphne on the shoulder—it was a pleasure to touch the child
even thus far—and murmured, "Never mind. Never mind."
Which rather surprised Daphne, since she had not greatly
minded, being dimly aware that Miss Vidella was acting up to
a part, and that it was a rather pompous and foolish one.
At dinner only French might be spoken. Of French (Daphne
was to learn) Miss Vidella made an enormous feature. She
took all French classes herself, and gave long lectures on
French literature, with special attention to Victor Hugo. They
were like perpetual masses, with Miss Vidella as priestess, in
honour of Victor Hugo. On the strength of having once
when eight years of age (so Daphne was told) sat on Victor
Hugo's knee, she considered that her French accent was
perfect and every one else's egregious, and her knowledge
of French literature vast, and every one else's insular and
limited. "I wish to goodness," the elder girls would say before,
during, or after a memorial mass, "that she'd never met the
man."
In the afternoon there was talk of a walk. It was the
Lent term, and a walk was the normal recreation. Hockey
was in the very first stages of its adoption by girls' schools,
and to hockey Miss Vidella could never be resigned. Tennis
she allowed in the summer term, on the stipulation that the
girls kept their legs well-disciplined. But in the Christmas
and Lent terms, apart from a walk in crocodile formation,
the only athletic pastimes were gymnasium and riding; and
riding was limited to those whose parents paid for it. Riding
she probably allowed because it gave a school such a tone; but
she fluttered around it with much care for its propriety. It
was not easy to see the riding master, on his chestnut horse,
riding away with a score of her girls. Had she been able
to sit a horse herself, she would have cantered among them
as a chaperon; but she could not, and none of her governesses
were ever likely to be familiar with a saddle, even if they
could be trusted with a riding master, so she was reduced to
being sternly present at the mounting and departure, to
instructing the elder girls to look after one another and their
younger schoolfellows, and to watching the cavalcade as far as
the bend in the road.
With gymnasium it was different; one of her mistresses,
or herself on days of condescension, could accompany the
girls and sit in the spectators' gallery, and ensure that only
the seemlier exercises were performed. Definitely she forbade
the "spread-eagle" on the rings, and the "circle" or the
"hock-swing-off" on the horizontal bar, and the "short-arm-balance"
or "long-arm-balance" on the parallel bars. These circles and
balances were only so many gilded somersaults. When Hemans
House had first gone to the Royal Gymnasium in the Cambridge
Road, and Miss Vidella, at first sight of these exercises,
had interdicted them for ever, the instructor had declared:
"The other schools allow them, madam."
And Miss Vidella, from her seat in the gallery, had replied:
"I dare say they do, instructor. In fact, I feel very confident
they do. But the aims of my school are probably different
from theirs. My aim is to turn out little well-bred ladies
rather than acrobats and harlequins."
"Quite so, madam."
And Miss Vidella, conceiving that she had made a good
point, dulled it by making it again.
"None of my children, instructor, are likely to earn their
living in the circus ring."
"No, madam," admitted the instructor, muttering for the
amusement of the nearest girls, "not a dog's chance o' that."
So gymnastics were confined to swinging on the travelling
rings or the bridge-ladder, gentle vaulting over the parallel
bars and the horse (though in this matter there would be a cry
of disapproval if the upward swing of any girl's leg was more
unladylike than was inevitable), and to Indian clubs and
dumbbells, which Miss Vidella considered most rhythmic and refined.
This first afternoon, since neither gymnasium nor riding had
begun, the girls could only go for a crocodile walk, and at
the pointed invitation of Trudy Wayne Daphne paired with her.
On this walk Daphne awoke to the idea that men could
be important before you were grown up. The conversation
of the girls in front danced around the prospects of meeting
such and such a man. They spoke of "The Dandy Fifth,"
who, Trudy explained, was a young coach at an army crammer's,
and earned his nickname from the waist-line in his
coat, his fawn vest, and his patent-leather boots. And there
was Arthur Belsize, the famous young novelist, whose three
books, "The Homes of Mogador," "The Purple Orchis," and
"Dust on the Scaffold," had made him a local celebrity second
only to the lady in the Castle. And there was the Holy
Innocent, a curate at Holy Innocents Church, where Hemans
House went on Sundays. These gentlemen, Trudy garrulously
explained, were often to be passed in the park, the novelist,
Arthur Belsize, especially, who had a habit of strolling every
afternoon down the Long Walk. "I expect he hopes it'll one
day be called the Belsize Walk," suggested Trudy, "like
Addison's Walk at Oxford." Here, then, was the explanation why
the senior girls whenever possible, led the Hemans House
column through the gates into the Great Park.
Daphne was excited about the chance of seeing Arthur
Belsize, not because he was a young man, but because he
was a famous story-writer. His tale, "The Purple Orchis,"
since it was based on history, had been read to Owen and herself
by Miss Carrell. It did not occur to Daphne that, being
the daughter of a writer, she had no reason to be excited
about them as a class, because she hardly thought of her father
as an author in this true story-telling sense.
Neither the dandy nor the curate appeared, and the twitter
and chattering of the girls was passing to other subjects,
when one of them discerned the novelist, Arthur Belsize,
walking slowly towards them. A tremor ran down the crocodile
from its head girls to the smaller ones in the neighbourhood
of Trudy and Daphne. Daphne put her head outside the
column to see the approaching celebrity, and was very
disappointed. He looked exactly the same as any other young
man who might be seen in a third-class railway carriage.
A silence dropped on the girls. It appeared they had a
custom of readjusting their conversation to the novelist's ear.
As soon as he came within hearing distance they would discuss
only (and this rather loudly) his novels. He was now
alongside the column, and the discussion began.
"I liked 'The Homes of Mogador' best, didn't you?"
"I sent 'The Purple Orchis' to my cousin for her birthday."
"'The Homes of Mogador' wasn't a patch on 'The Purple
Orchis.'"
"'The Homes of Mogador' was rot."
"I didn't like 'The Purple Orchis' much, but 'Dust on the
Scaffold' was ripping."
"That's Arthur Belsize."
He passed by, affecting to have heard nothing, though
Daphne suspected that his lips trembled.
To her, who had played with hardly any girl friends in
Deseret Road, this interest in men while your hair was still
down your back was an idea entirely new. That a lover
might come to her after she was eighteen or twenty had, of
course, often been in her mind, especially when she read or
listened to the love scenes of a romance. But that men as a
genus, apart from the individual lover, were interesting she
had not grasped, nor that her earlier love stories might be
looked for at once.
When the crocodile had returned from its walk it disintegrated
into its classes for afternoon school. In Miss Sims's
room, darkening behind its Japanese bead curtains, the
subject was Latin, a language of which Daphne knew very little
and pronounced that little wrong. Her quantities were false,
Miss Carrell having learned the grammar after she left Hemans
House, and learned it from a book without help from the
spoken word. When Miss Sims arranged her girls in a row
that they might "go up" and "take each other down," she
told Daphne that as a new girl she should be given a start
and might go to the top. Doing even this little for her
favourite gave her a mild pleasure.
"Now, we'll see what you know of Latin grammar. 'I
shall love.' Let us have the future of Amo, I love."
The question pleased Daphne because she knew the answer.
"Ammer-bo, I shall love, Ammer-bis, Ammer-bit,
Ammer-byemus, Ammer-bightus——"
The remaining word was lost in a roar of laughter.
"No, no, no, no," smiled Miss Sims, which amazed Daphne,
since she knew she was right; she could see in her mind's eye
the whole page of Latin Grammar, and there was the future,
"Amabo, amabis, amabit."
"No, no, no. It's Am͎ābo, not Ammer-bo; Am͎ābimus, not
Ammer-byemus."
At this word the class laughed again and a sudden
unreasonable burst of temper inflamed Daphne. It was the
break-through of all her resentment at the failure of school
to satisfy her picture of it; she felt ready and anxious for
some violent rebellion, as once before she had felt with Miss
Durgon. The tears started to her eyes, and this exposure made
her angrier and more defiant.
"Say it again now—properly," ordered Miss Sims.
"Ammer-bo, Ammer-bis——"
"Next!" The mistress turned her head to the next girl.
"Am͎ābo."
"Go above her." And Daphne went down one place.
Miss Sims had seen the symptoms in her favourite's eyes,
and they produced a curious mixture of pleasure and love.
After caressing and fondling, she enjoyed most (though it
disturbed her to think so) punishing the thing she loved.
"Say it again, and properly, and don't be sulky."
To be told she was sulky was enough to fix Daphne in her
obstinacy.
"Ammer-bo, Ammer-bis——"
"Next!"
Down went Daphne another place, and the class began to
enjoy the game.
"Now say it properly at once."
"Ammer-bo, Ammer-bis——"
"Next!"
And a little girl who had been breathlessly rising on her
toes said "Am͎ābo" and went up.
There were eleven girls in the class, and Daphne said
"Ammer-bo" ten times till she reached the buffers of the bottom
place.
"You're a very naughty little girl," denounced Miss Sims.
"You're the oldest girl in the class, and you're content to be
taken down by those much younger than you. And just
to gratify sullenness and rebellion. You will write out fifty
times, 'The second a in Amabo is long.' And don't let me
see anything of you till that is done."
She had visions of herself being cold and haughty with
the child, and of Daphne, whose advances would thus be repelled
and bruised, suffering the tortures of a loved mistress's
scorn and finally breaking in humility at her feet.
After the classes and tea there was an hour before Preparation.
Silent at her desk in Miss Sims's room, now a chattery
Common Room, Daphne wrote twenty times, 'The second a in
amabo is long,' and decided that she had done enough for
to-night. Feeling so lonely she wanted to write to Miss
Carrell—even to Owen. She got some of the note-paper that
had been given her to take to school, and began her letter.
"DEAR MISS CARRELL,
"I hope you got back safely....
(The picture of Miss Carrell getting back to her home and
entering the old rooms made her lip shake.)
"We have been for a lovely walk this afternoon in the
park. It was lovely. We passed Arthur Belsize. I sleep
in a room called Eliza Cook. There is another room called
the Frances Burney room. This afternoon we did Latin. I
am going to have my first riding lesson to-morrow, and I am
looking forward to gymnasium. I like school awfully. What
fun it will be when the holidays begin in three months' time.
I must not write much more as I am going to write to
Owen.
"Much love
"From
"Ever your loving
"DUFFY"
"P.S.—Love to Hollins."
Daphne soon became used to Hemans House, its population
and its practices, and could look back with wonder
at the first days of fear. More than that, the life, for a
particular reason, had become flushed with colour and
richness. The one thing needed to lift her hatred from the
school-rooms and the Windsor streets and to throw a glamour
over them had happened: she was possessed by a romantic
attachment for some one whose background they were. Before
half-term had signalised to the girls that the top of the slope
had been reached, and they could now go quickly down hill
to the holidays, she knew that she adored Miss Sims. It had
taken some five weeks of the alternate caresses and
punishments, warm intimacy and stern aloofness, to betray their
meaning to Daphne; but once it had broken on her that she
was the object of a popular mistress's favouritism, she was
flattered into reciprocation. The slide from fondness to love
was easy and quick. As with her affection for Miss Carrell,
so now with her adoration of Miss Sims: she loved to think
that she loved. But the later attachment was as much stronger
than the earlier, as Daphne was older, warmer, and more
conscious of her sex. It was an emotion too strong for
reticence—except in words; on walks she fought to be at
Miss Sims's side; sometimes she threaded her arm into the
mistress's; and once, when they were right behind all the
others, she rested her head against her shoulder. At
gymnasium every exercise she performed on parallel bars,
horizontal bar, or bridge ladder was done with an eye on the
gallery in the hope of impressing Miss Sims. She suffered
the pains of jealousy when Miss Sims (deliberately) made
much of another girl. And her letters home to Miss Carrell
were enthusiastically full of her form mistress. There was
pleasure in writing about her.
But her pains and pleasures were weak compared with
those hidden behind Miss Sims's indulgent smile. As Miss
Sims assured herself: "The child is fond of me—very
fond—really devoted, I think. But it must inevitably be a small
return for what I am giving to her. It is always so with
children.... Still, it is happiness to give." She made a
resolution that her influence must be a power for good. She
must be associated in the memory of Daphne Bruno, when
that beloved girl should have grown tall and given herself
to a man, with all that was best in her childhood. She must
be the person of whom Daphne would say: "I really owe
everything to her."
And a salient truth of Daphne's schooldays was this, that
Miss Sims—Miss Sims, with her thirty pounds a year and
her cubicle with an iron bed and tin wash-stand; Miss Sims
with her high-coloured make-believes, of which she was half
ashamed; Miss Sims with her thirst for emotion and her
squeezing of pupils like sponges for its sating—was the most
of what she resolved to be. Every one is an expert in the
hobby that fills his dreams, and Miss Sims had seen exactly
how her influence could be this "power for good." Her little
worshipper would most surely model herself on her idol,
and so Miss Sims must appear to embody in her own nature
all the noble qualities she would give to Daphne. She created
a character in her imagination, and always acted it before the
eyes of her pupil. And this was the Character: great gentleness
masking concealed strength; a perfect feminine sympathy
mingled with a capacity to be stern; remarkable sensibility to
beauty wherever it was to be found, and thus a passionate
love for all the arts, with a predilection for literature; a taste in
dress, and a beautiful serenity in manner.
As a background to the Character, she hinted in her talks
with Daphne at a collateral relationship to a very old family;
at reasonable private means, her present work being done
for the love of it, there being no nobler task; at holidays in
romantic places abroad; and, of course, at a love story of which
one did not speak.
In her first holidays Daphne returned home, full of the
importance of a school girl, and talked incessantly of the
customs at Hemans House to Owen, who was not interested, and
to her father, who was quite amused—at least, till he took up
his book again. It was his daughter's tales and imitations of
the head mistress that pleased him—"By Jove! she can see,
that child!" Miss Vidella appealed to the dramatist in him,
both as a picturesque character and as a type.
"She belongs to a type that is doomed to pass, Duffy mia.
There is pathos as well as humour in her posing and her prudery.
I always think it's rather sad the way such people imagine they
are being applauded, while all the time they are being laughed
at by modern minds.... However, you'll understand these
things later."
One result of this ridicule was that his daughter saw how
much better it was to be on the laughing, rather than the
laughable, side of a dividing line, and that she must therefore join
the moderns who always did the laughing. She was modern.
She saw Miss Vidella from a new angle, and much more clearly,
and she determined to carry this interesting viewpoint back to
Hemans House. As a viewpoint it had much to recommend
it: it meant that when Miss Vidella prohibited this and
that—circling over the horizontal bar, or any display of the feminine
leg above the lower calf—she was probably out of date, and
the best way to express one's advance from such rulings was to
glory in their breach.
The only conflict in her mind was how far this healthy
insurgence, imitated from her father, clashed with the obedience
and serenity imitated from Miss Sims. And when she was
again under the roof of Hemans House and the influence of
Miss Sims, a settlement of the conflict was found to be very
necessary. So on a walk to the tennis fields, when the mistress
and her favourite had dropped behind the girls, she sidled
up to the subject.
"Father says Miss Vidella is out of date, and so are all her
ideas."
"H'm. Your father is doubtless a representative of extremely
modern minds."
"So'm I."
Miss Sims laughed, provoking Daphne to defend herself.
"Well, she is rather absurd."
"Hush, dear," said Miss Sims, for the Character was nothing
if not loyal. "Miss Vidella's aims are of the highest, and there's
a lot to be said for the kind of woman she tries to produce—modest,
controlled, and quiet.... But I do think that perhaps
she doesn't make sufficient allowance for the heyday in the
blood of youth. Probably the animal spirits ought to express
themselves sometimes in a little wildness and tomboyishness—so
long as these things go with affectionateness—and with high
ideals. Later, when one has experienced the disillusions of
life, it will be time to acquire a tranquil resignation."
This was an excellent verdict. For sympathy and sense there
had been no one before quite like Miss Sims. Everything had
now fallen into place. Daphne saw that she could postpone
the final serenity till she had grown up and passed through the
fire. She was thus at liberty to express the modernity of her
intellect, as compared with Miss Vidella's, by flagrant breaches
of Miss Vidella's rules.
The first time she displayed it was at the gymnasium. She
hung it out, so to speak, on the horizontal bar.
It was a morning when the head mistress herself was in the
gallery watching carefully through her spectacles. The girls
had been vaulting backwards over the parallel bars, and Daphne,
when her turn came, had swung herself with such ardour that
the oblique line of her body was rather from her legs down
to her head than from her head down to her legs—a position
which Miss Vidella stipulated must be guarded against in this
dangerous exercise. Her legs had just swung down again on to
the mat when she heard the high-pitched voice coming from
the gallery top like the voice of a bird from a tree. All eyes
had turned towards it.
"Instructor! Instructor!"
The instructor made a grimace, seen only of the girls, and
called back: "Yes, madam."
Miss Vidella made her favourite point.
"Instructor, I take it this is a place for teaching young ladies
a becoming deportment, and not for training circus clowns."
"Yes, madam," agreed the instructor.
"Well, will you kindly correct them when they forget
it? ... Daphne dear, come here." Daphne approached a little
way, and Miss Vidella, leaning forward with her hands on
the balustrade, like some preacher who must deliver his sermon
sitting, explained to her: "You must remember, dear, that it
is the glory of human beings that their head is usually above
their feet. With cows, and ruminant animals generally, the
head is often on the same level as the hoofs. But it is only
serpents and apes in the trees, I take it, which have a tendency
to progress with their heads in a lower sphere than their other
members. Now go back and remember that. All right, dears,
you can resume your exercises."
The public rebuke rankled in Daphne; so the minute the lesson
was over, and the girls were trooping to the dressing-room
to change their rubber shoes, and Miss Vidella was managing
with some difficulty the little hidden staircase from the gallery
to the ground, she ran to the horizontal bar and circled it four
or five times. Having thus liberated her resentment and
proclaimed her faith before the other girls, she ran, very red and
breathless, to the dressing-room.
It was uncommonly pleasant, this feeling of emancipation
and this expressing of it before her schoolfellows. Her riding
lesson gave her another opportunity. One day when their
horses were gathered outside the gates of Hemans House, and
the girls were mounting, she tried for a second to sit astride
her horse, that she might see what it felt like and appear daring.
But it was surprisingly difficult, with her skirt, to change from
the side-saddle position to the astride. As she got her leg over
the horse's withers the skirt went right above her knees, and
she was in these difficulties when Miss Vidella came out on to
the pavement to review the parade.
"Daphne! What are you doing?"
"Mounting, Miss Vidella," stuttered Daphne, who had
struggled back to the correct position.
"Do you generally climb over the horse to mount it? Or
are you up to some of your monkey tricks again? Riding
master, have you observed that Miss Bruno is mountaineering
on her horse in the public street? But, of course, I know you
cannot have done so, for you are always so careful with your
pupils. Please keep Miss Bruno in front of you all the way,
or there's no knowing what strange contortions she may not
attempt."
The riding master, annoyed, said nothing, but examined the
riders, touched his horse and led the cavalcade away. Daphne
was just in front of him, and immediately they were out of
the head mistress's view she pretended to scream with laughter,
thinking this would divert the riding master, who, like all the
outside instructors, was inclined to make fun of Miss Vidella.
But, to her surprise, he called out:
"Come on, Miss Bruno! Sit properly at once. You've been
foolish enough already to-day. I'm not taking out a chain of
Margate donkeys; and I shall report you to Miss Vidella.
Come here and ride beside me."
Daphne felt foolish at the failure of her jest, and, very
flushed, came and rode by the master's side with a beating
heart. With all her fancied insurgence she was still a little
afraid of Miss Vidella and her black-rimmed spectacles and
whining sarcasm. When the horses arrived back at Hemans
House gates she watched the movements of the riding master,
whether he would go in and see Miss Vidella or wait for
her to emerge from the garden wall. But he only turned
towards herself, and, as though softened by her long silence,
smiled.
"All right, kiddy, I shan't report you. And one of these
days you'll be able to ride astride. In my opinion they'll all
be doing it one day. But at present we must do what we're
told."
"Yes," murmured Daphne. "Thank you very much."
It became quite a custom for her to entertain the gymnasium
girls with three or four guilty circles on the horizontal bar
while Miss Vidella was descending the gallery stairs.
Sometimes she managed six or seven of the forbidden things before
rushing, red as a beet-root, to the dressing-room. Here she
looked serene and innocent when the head mistress appeared
and sounded some variant of "Come along, dears. I feel sure
your healthy exercises have engendered an appetite for your
dinners."
But one morning, by some failure in her swing, she did
not complete her fifth backward circle, and was left hanging
over the bar like a bolster thrown over a rail. Time was short;
Miss Vidella's feet must be on the last few stairs; so she
straightened her body on the bar, and was just about to drop
behind it to her feet, when she saw Miss Vidella standing at
the dressing-room door and watching her through her
spectacles, chin slightly uptilted. The sight so unnerved her that
instead of swinging backwards she swung forwards, her head
falling like the clapper of a bell, and the weight of her body
flinging her legs in an arc through the air. Her hands retained
a panicky hold of the bar, but her feet struck the mattress and
its coco-fibre mat with a jarring impact. A little giddily she
stood on the mat and wondered what to do. If only Miss
Vidella had not stood across the dressing-room door she would
have flown through it and drowned her confusion in the
business of unlacing her shoes. But now she could only stand on
the mat beneath the bar and stare at the head mistress, while
the head mistress stood in front of the dressing-room and
stared at her. Girls peeped behind.
"What are you doing, Daphne?"
"Nothing."
"What were you doing on that bar?"
"I only just did a circle or two."
"And do you call that nothing?"
Clearly "Yes" was not the right answer, and "No" was
incriminating, so Daphne stood on the mat and gave no answer
at all.
"Come here."
She approached.
"Did you"—seemingly Miss Vidella could not bring herself
to name the offence—"do that thing because it was against my
express orders?"
The true answer, "Yes," was somewhat too dangerous to be
employed, so Daphne said "No." Politeness required no less.
"Then why did you do that thing?"
In Daphne's head was a foggy conception of modern minds
enfranchising themselves, and a phantasmagoria of related
ideas, out of which came nothing more remarkable than:
"I thought I should like to."
(It was, perhaps, modernism in its simplest expression.)
"And why should you like to do it?"
"I don't know."
"I will tell you. It can only have been out of a spirit of
deliberate evil-minded rebellion, or it was because you have a
natural liking for the buffoonery of the uncivilised which you
are too weak to suppress." It was humiliating to hear one's
strength called weakness, and Daphne wished she had the courage
to plead loudly that hers had been the evil-minded rebellion
through and through. "You are one who must be trained, not
by liberty and encouragement, but by restraint and correction.
Get on your shoes. You shall not visit the gymnasium or the
tennis field for a fortnight. Both places are too beset with
opportunities for the outlandish contortions that so appeal to you.
A walk each afternoon instead will perhaps teach you that it
is perfectly possible to exercise every muscle of the body in the
upright position, and all other contortions can be left to the
jungle and——" Here Miss Vidella's sarcasm ran out. "Get
changed. I fail to see why these dear girls here should be kept
waiting for their lunches by you."
Daphne passed sullenly to her shoes and pulled them on
viciously. She was being persecuted and enjoying it. And as
she walked home with Trudy Wayne she was so ostentatiously
noisy (this being her indirect claim to the "deliberate rebellion")
that Miss Vidella called:
"Daphne, come back and walk alone behind me. You hardly
seem to understand that you are in disgrace. Gertrude dear,
I wonder at your encouraging her."
By this time, in Miss Vidella's mind, there was both a flabby
dislike and a faint fear of the Bruno child. Recently she had
acquainted herself with some of the father's books, and while
wondering what much of them meant, grasped enough to feel
uncomfortably that the great man probably ridiculed her ideas
and her methods. And now, gnawed by the fear that Daphne
Bruno might have heard and believed this ridicule, she determined
to humiliate the child into a sense of her own simplicity
and foolishness. The backwardness shown in Daphne's work
on paper provided plenty of opportunities, though the child's
quickness in viva voce work, and her skill and rushing
imagination when anything had to be made—a poem, or a map, or
a clay model—sometimes reminded Miss Vidella that her
genuine opinion was very different. But for the good of all,
and lest she spread her doctrines, Daphne Bruno must be
discredited and kept down. She often came, therefore, into Miss
Sims's class-room, and on examining the pupils' exercises,
deplored the poverty of Daphne Bruno's.
"And this is the girl who thinks she knows better than any
of us, and is so sure of her right judgment that she allows
herself to do things just because she likes to. Go to your seat,
child. When you can construe a simple piece of Latin we shall
perhaps consider whether or not we will revise the rules of
this school to suit your little fancies."
Daphne rather liked this bullying. It gave her the pleasure
of mildly hating Miss Vidella as once she had hated Miss
Durgon; and it enabled her to act in front of Miss Sims the
tranquil resignation of a martyr, or in front of her class-fellows
the fine, furious flash of a tragedienne. Also it justified and
increased her love of the sympathetic governess; and she was
keen on making a good thing of this.
Mr. Tenter Bruno, in these days, was prospering; and his
mercury, though never free from fluctuations, was generally
high. He was very satisfied, and something of radiance could
be seen in his face and manner. In this, his fifty-third year,
his brown beard was turning grey, and his hair receding from
his fine forehead, but his figure in its grey suit was as neat as
it had been at twenty. For some time he had considered that
the house in Deseret Road lacked the necessary picturesqueness.
It was a moot point whether one's books and fame were not
injured by an address in the suburbs. His readers ought to
be able to imagine him in some quaint old habitation, set down
in green and lonely places. Besides, such a move from
London into the quiet was always good copy for the paragraphists.
And, to the delight of Daphne and Owen, when they returned
from their schools, he suddenly announced, as a complete
surprise, his purchase of Old Hall House, between Wivelsfield
and Ditchling Common in Sussex. It was not far from their
former cottage, and their old gardener Eadigo, still hearty, was
coming into permanent residence.
"When shall we go? When shall we go?" demanded his
daughter.
"These very holidays, of course," smiled Mr. Bruno, delighted
at the success of his surprise.
And in August when they moved there, he was happy in
watching Daphne as, excited to see what the house was like
(though she had declared she could remember it), she hung
out of the carriage that was rattling them to its gates. When
the carriage stopped, he saw the house anew through her eyes:
a rectangular place of two stories, roofed in Horsham stone,
with a new wing jutting out at right angles towards the road.
The whole place was perhaps disappointingly near the road,
and the low railing that separated the lawns and drive from
the travellers to Ditchling was a little—finicking. But this
weakness could be forgiven, when you looked at Old Hall House
itself, with its mossed roof, its disorderly outbuildings, and its
setting of silent country, closed in the diminishing distance by
blue and shadowed downs.
Within doors, round about a square hall, rather dark, were
three large, low-ceiled sitting-rooms, and a red kitchen with an
undulating floor. Above these, up an oak staircase, were seven
or eight bedrooms; and in the new wing, a room for Daphne,
and a room for Owen, with a great chamber underneath that
should be their privy playground. The servants had a
staircase of their own leading to bedrooms in the back parts.
This segregation of children in the north and servants in
the east Mr. Bruno had imagined would secure for him that
ideal silence which he had yet to find in this plane of existence.
In the sitting-room to the left of the entrance-hall he
arranged his study furniture and his unnumbered books. But
it was a grievous blow, and one that shook his household for
weeks, when he learned that there was not one of the
sitting-rooms but heard every sound in the house. The movements
in the hall came through the walls, the staircase squeaking
like an animal when anybody walked on it; the noises in the
kitchen came through the shrunk oak doors; and if the maids
were cleaning the bedroom above, their sweepings and voices,
even their actual words, came through the low-pitched ceiling
to Mr. Bruno, and his groans and exclamations (he imagined
and hoped) went up to them. It was damnable.
He didn't know what to do. The paying of the mountainous
bills created by the purchase, the alterations and the move had
resolved him to live quietly for some time, and save money on
postage stamps and tobacco. He would not—though his own
mind saw clearly and humorously the weak logic—he simply
would not—spend another half-penny in making his study
sound-proof. Instead, if there was a clatter in the kitchen, or a
step, unmuted, on the vile staircase, he got up, opened his door,
and put out his head with a diffident and over-courteous request
that whatever was being done might be postponed till the
afternoon; if the noise was in the bedroom above, he pushed back
his chair that he might knock on the ceiling with a stick; till,
at last (much to his amusement in the midst of his irritation),
he would hear the scurry of the maids, or the guilty silence in
the kitchen, directly his chair was pushed back. That push-back
of his chair, if done viciously enough, could turn the house
into a sepulchre.
After several weeks of encouraging economies, however, he
decided that the young maids (who rather appealed to him)
had a right to laugh and be noisy and even sing at their
sweeping; and he spent fifty pounds on sound-proofing his room.
For Daphne the memorable thrill of this first summer holiday
in Old Hall House was something quite independent of its
fascinating rooms and the undiscovered country around. Or
perhaps not so independent of their romance as she thought.
In Owen's bedroom she learned that he had developed a taste
for "penny dreadfuls." She saw a pile of the things, with
their vivid picture-covers, on the top of his chest-of-drawers.
The first of them, whose cover showed a gay highwayman in
scarlet cape, three-cornered hat, and lace neckwear, firing a
bell-mouthed pistol into the face of a black and bulbous Bow
Street Runner, she read in her own room. From that day her
imagination, like a city that had thrown open its gates, was
yielded to Dick Turpin. Eagerly she selected all the rest that
dealt with the handsome blade, and found twenty-three. She
spent the best week of her life, up to that point, reading these
twenty-three stories one after another.
She took all twenty-three and her inflated enthusiasm back
to Hemans House, and introduced the enthusiasm and one of
the books to Trudy Wayne. Trudy, having read one tale,
borrowed the whole twenty-three, and succumbed to the
highwayman.
This common interest strengthened the friendship of the two
girls, and marked the moment when Daphne, though a year
younger, began to dominate the partnership. From her imagination
came the idea that, on their walks, they should be Dick
Turpin and Jack Sheppard. Miss Vidella, with her black clothes
and her corpulence and her piggish ways, was obviously the
head of the Bow Street Runners—or a Bloody Assize judge.
It was incumbent on Trudy and herself to organize into an
Outlaw Society. This was to have been called a "Hate
Society," but memories of Miss Sims's gentleness limited the
name to "The Dislike Society." During riding lessons, Daphne
on her mild bay pony trotting or cantering beside the troop
of girls, was really galloping Black Bess, with the Runners hard
behind. In gymnasium, when she ran and vaulted over the
horse, she was really Dick Turpin leaping a hedge or a toll-gate
to escape his pursuers. If she was kept in, the class-room
became a Newgate cell anterior to Tyburn, and her dismissal
after half an hour's detention was a dashing escape amid the
cheers of her followers who were waiting at the prison gates.
Beneath her sheet and blankets in the Eliza Cook room, she
had really taken to the heather and was sleeping in a cloak
under the stars.
"Wouldn't it be ripping," she exclaimed to Trudy one day,
"if we could spend a holiday together, and play Dick Turpin
on some real lonely road?"
And as she said that, there flashed into her mind the very
scene where such a drama could be staged. Good heavens!
It was perfect! Ditchling Common. Strangely, it spread itself
before her, not as she had just left it, under summer, but as she
had seen it in May one morning of her earliest childhood, when
it must have hit her imagination far more vividly than she had
known; Ditchling Common with a mauve haze of bluebells
over its coarse grass, shot here and there with the yellow of
buttercups; the ribbon of road switchbacking over the
successive brows to the humpy bridge above the railway line; the
wavy horizon of downs, bare save for two windmills on the
west; a hawk—how well she remembered watching it—hovering
above the common. There were dwarfed gorse bushes, like
black patches on the stretching grass, and taller shrubs of
entangled blackberry. And, most wonderful of all, at the
entrance to the common was a white gate like a toll-gate, and just
beyond it Jacob's Post. Jacob's Post was a real gibbet, with
a cock at its top bearing the date 1734 to tell when last a man
had hanged there.
"Coo, what a fool I am! Trudy, you should see Ditchling
Common near me. It's absolutely the spot. Oh, you must come
and stay with us next summer. I'm sure father'll agree, and
we'll make Owen play too."
This plan, thenceforward, was a never-failing spring of
conversation. For Trudy there was no taste of doubt in the merry
cup. Daphne was just aware of a lurking anxiety lest, ten
months hence, they would have forgotten all about Dick Turpin,
or, alternatively, their undying friendship would have died.
Daphne was right in fearing that the influence of the
highwayman would abate with the months, but wrong in
doubting the endurance of her friendship with Trudy Wayne.
This didn't expire, for the simple reason that she set herself
to keep it at a sufficient heat. And when the next summer
term drew towards the golden August that was to bring Trudy
to Old Hall House, she as deliberately exhumed Dick Turpin,
guessing that, did they but read the old romances once more,
their imaginations would be snatched up again by the inspiring
highwayman.
A mellow evening, the fourth of August, she climbed into a
trap, driven by Eadigo, and was taken to meet Trudy at
Hayward's Heath station. Why her eager anticipations should
make her a little afraid of meeting Trudy she didn't know, but
it was a disturbing fact, as the train rolled in, that her heart
was faintly answering its noise and speed. Only a few
passengers alighted here, the most being travellers to Brighton;
so Trudy was quickly seen. Daphne ran towards her, followed
without enthusiasm by Eadigo. Trudy, too, one could see, was
rather shy of the strange station and all her circumstances,
but she cloaked it with an ostentatious self-possession, talking
much as she mounted the trap. Eadigo drove off silently, and
Daphne felt a pity for the old man because the six weeks in
front of him were the same as the six weeks before. His
silence and phlegm made her look at Trudy, after which they
both had fits of giggling.
Miss Carrell welcomed the visitor in the dining-room.
"Well, I hope, Trudy—may I call you that?—you'll have a
very happy holiday with us. I'm sorry Mr. Bruno is away....
It's very nice for Duffy to have you with her, I'm sure.
Owen, come here and say how-do-you-do to Duffy's friend."
Owen these holidays had brought back from his preparatory
school a new and (one would have thought) quite
uncharacteristic tendency to laborious humour. It involved his
addressing of Hollins as "Herbert," and his sister as
"Casabianca." And now he bowed till his head was
aligned with his waist, and
extended a hand. Trudy took it, and inquired:
"How do you do?"
"I don't," answered Owen.
This strange new growth in her brother was in the process
of being discouraged by Daphne.
"It's not funny," she said.
"Sorry. Heaps of ajoppolies," answered Owen.
"Daphne wanted you to share her bedroom," interrupted
Miss Carrell, "so I've arranged it for you both."
"Oh, how ripping!" exclaimed Trudy.
"That'll be monstrous fine," said Owen.
In their beds that night the two girls arranged plans for
the next day till the clock on the stairs sounded midnight.
"Coo, you wait till I show you Ditchling Common," Daphne
rattled on. "The road lies like a white ribbon, all up and down,
from the Toll-gate to Ditchling. There's one big clump of
blackberry that I call the Observation Post, because it's at the
top of a brow, and you can see all the way to the next brow
and beyond that to the railway bridge. So you could see any
one approaching half a mile away, and give warning to your
confederates hidden lower down the road."
The clock struck midnight, and the conversation swung suitably
to the age of the house in which they slept, and whether
it was haunted. It had not occurred to Daphne that it was
till this moment, but now she romanced about eerie noises and
panels that rang hollow.
Immediately after breakfast the next day all three hurried
to the common. Daphne as guide, walked importantly ahead,
leading the others through the white gate, and longing for
the moment when Trudy should see the gibbet. The common
lay before them in summer dress: the thistles high by the flying
road, the grass tall and bearded where it mingled with bracken
and rushes, and over the dusty highway and the disorderly
herbage the sunlight quivering in a diaphanous haze. A few
slow cows pastured in a hollow, and cocks and hens picked the
green about Jacob's Post.
Trudy's interest in this gibbet was even more than one desired;
in fact, there was some difficulty in getting her away
till she had properly fixed upon her imagination the picture of a
felon suspended there. It was already nine o'clock.
"Come on," said Owen. "We dine at half-past one."
The games were conducted just as Daphne had planned them.
Owen was sent away to reappear as a traveller a quarter of a
mile up the road; the girls put on black masks and held
six-penny pistols; and Daphne went and lay behind the tall clump
of blackberry called the Observation Post, while Trudy threw
herself under some gorse lower down the highway. It was for
Daphne to signal Owen's appearance in the distance. While
she waited for him she selected any blackberries that showed a
trace of ripeness, and ate the trace. Also she sucked and
chewed grass, for Owen did not appear for a long time; there
was nothing but a cart coming from Ditchling. She did not
guess that Owen had been seized by the ingenious idea of
approaching under the lee of the cart—such a thing was against
the whole spirit of the game. Nevertheless, when the cart
had passed in front of her he emerged from his cover with a
shriek of triumph and raced down the hill towards Trudy.
Leaping up angrily, she gave the pre-arranged signal, which
meant that Owen had been spotted in the distance—and
followed him as he ran past Trudy.
"Oh, the fool!" she grumbled, and called after him: "It's
not funny, if you think it is." And to Trudy, before whom
she stopped with this news of Owen's appearance: "He always
must show off."
Owen turned round and came back with a victor's smile.
"You'll spoil it all if you want to be cocky," she grumbled.
"Why can't you ever play sensibly?"
Having treated himself to one whimsical effort, Owen promised
to play sensibly, and for the rest of the morning the games
unrolled as they should. The walk home was a-clatter with
tongues.
By early afternoon they were standing again on the road
by the Observation Post, and deliberating how to vary the play,
when Owen said: "Hist! Wait!" He had seen two specks
coming with a curious velocity over the crown of the railway
bridge. Two men—or two boys, since they were probably
racing, and men didn't do such things.
"Hist! Hist! Sister Anne, sister Anne, I see some one
coming."
"It's not funny.... Who are they?"
"I see two men running, and a cloud of dust."
With imaginations pleasantly troubled the girls looked
towards the far-off but quickly approaching figures.
"Let's stop 'em, whoever they are," suggested Owen.
"Don't be an ass. We can't if we don't know them."
"Why not? If they're boys they won't mind. And we're
three to their two."
"It would be rather ripping," reflected Daphne, while the
others watched for her to give the last word. "I tell you what.
You wait here behind the Observation Post, Owen, and as soon
as they come near enough for you to see if they're boys and
attackable, you signal 'Yes'—make a Y with your arms—and
then come and join us lower down behind the gorse. Then we
really will hold them up."
Daphne and Trudy ran to the gorse and fell prone behind
it. This real holding up of unknown wayfarers on the high
road was a completer thrill than any of the mock adventures.
It affected Daphne with an emptying sensation below the waist,
and shook the hand with which she was hurrying on her mask
and cocking her pistol. And when Owen made a Y of his
body and arms, and she knew that they were committed to the
deed, and that the moments before its accomplishment were
fast escaping, her heart began to pound with a delicious fear.
Breathlessly Owen joined them, falling to his stomach with
the announcement: "Two boys. One rather big." All watched
the brow for the first of the boys to appear.
"I'll leap out," whispered Owen, who seemed to have none
of that faint anxiety to be quit of the business that was troubling
Daphne, "and you'd better follow me.... Look alive! Here's
Number One."
Daphne looked up from her ground level and saw a figure
on the brow outlined against the glazed sky. As he came
down the slope she saw with surprise that he was in just such
running attire as the competitors wore in the University Sports
at Queen's Club: white vest with coloured ribbon edging the
sleevelets and the button-opening; very short white shorts edged
with the same ribbon; white socks and black rubber shoes. His
fists were at his breast, and his dark hair blowing untidily. The
figure, while clearly a young boy's, was tall and beautifully
shaped—from the shoulder-line to the rounded thighs with their
muscles astir. In the few seconds of his coming Daphne felt
that vague agitation which beauty gave; it was but the germ
of the pleasure felt by adults in the presence of a Praxitelean
statue, and as unmindful of sex, and it was not only the lines
of his body that had disturbed her, but the way he had come
over the brow in the sun's light.
"Now!" cried Owen.
All three leapt out and stood across the road. The tall boy
was so startled at this apparition of three masked bravoes in
his path that he stopped suddenly, and, slipping on one foot,
nearly fell.
"Damn and blast!" he muttered. "What the deuce are you
playing at?"
"Your money or your life," said Daphne.
He was looking at her; first at her mouth and chin, then
at the eyes that were staring at him through the mask; then
at her disarrayed hair; then up and down her body. He smiled
grimly, and as if it were impossible to insult a girl, turned
towards Owen and said:
"Look here, I'm going to give you a lamming."
A younger boy, also in running clothes, had now come up
and stopped.
Owen retreated a step or two, but the bigger boy seized his
wrist and twisted it right round.
"Don't!" commanded Daphne, pleased with this opportunity
of being heroic.
Taking no notice of her orders, the boy twisted her brother's
arm again, and Daphne promptly hit him a heavy blow with
the butt of her pistol on the bone of his wrist.
"God——!" he began, but controlled the curse, and out of
respect for the girl dropped Owen.
"It's a game," explained Daphne. "We thought you'd see
the joke."
"That bally thing of yours hurts. I don't see why you should
hit me with it just because, being a girl, you know I shan't give
you a lamming. Others would."
This angered Daphne. It was the unfairest accusation that
she had taken cover behind her sex. The thought had not been
in her mind at all, and the suggestion of it made her pluck look
like cowardice.
"Oh, I never thought of that at all," she protested. "You
can have a shot at giving me a lamming if you like."
With his grim smile the boy seized her wrist and turned it
strongly—but not too strongly. Daphne set her teeth and
deliberately looked defiance into his eyes. He stared commandingly
into hers. And holding her thus captive, though still with
a hint of gentleness, he suddenly whipped off her mask and
put it behind his back.
"Don't!" she shouted. "Give that back to me. It's mine."
"No, I shan't!"
With her spare arm she reached round him to recover her
property. Her arm was now about his waist, but the feel of his
body, thinly covered by the vest, neither raised a blush nor
intruded diffidence. She only fumbled for her mask while the
boy looked down upon her, grinning confidently and
enigmatically.
"Rescue!" shouted Owen, and he and Trudy rushed for his
sister.
"Get away, you little worm!" said the tall boy, letting go of
his captive—while Owen got away. The boy seemed to give
himself to thought, looking now at Daphne and now at the
mask, which he drew away as she tried to snatch it. Then
he turned to his companion. "I say, Cyril, we might get these
kids to join us.... We were training when you barged in.
But we've an idea to start paper-chasing or something." He
looked at Owen. "I say, Face-ache, what are you called, and
what are your sisters' names? You do look a guy in that
mask."
"They're not my sisters," answered Owen, a thought over-awed,
and removing his mask. "At least, only one of them."
"Well, which one, fool? Introduce us properly."
"This one."
The tall boy looked a little shyly at the girl whose wrist he
had twisted and whose arm had held him tight about the waist.
"And what's her name?"
"Duffy—or Daphne—Daphne Bruno."
"Comic names. Still"—he bowed gallantly though yet
shyly—"very happy to make your acquaintance.... Now the other
one, Fifth of November."
"Trudy Wayne, who's staying with Duffy for the hols."
"That's like Cyril.... Where's Cyril? Come here, man.
This is Cyril Evans. He's my cousin, and he's coming up to
Sillborough next term.... Now we all know where we are."
"But you haven't told us your name yet," pointed out Daphne,
not the least shyly, and sucking the wrist he had twisted.
"Nor I have. It's Muirhead—Roger Muirhead.... However,
that'll do for that. Let's get on with this game you're
playing.... Cyril, look here man, we'll pick sides, and as I'm
the biggest, I'll only have one of these people, and you can
have the other two. And, as I'm only to have one, I'll pick first."
He went through an elaborate pantomime of indecision, looking
each of them up and down, as if appraising their adroitness
or speed. And, rather casually, he smiled his decision at
Daphne.
"I'll have this one. I forget your name—Duffy Something,
wasn't it?"
"Bruno."
"Of course.... Righto! The Bruno-Muirhead Combine
against the world. Cyril, you take your crowd a half a mile or
so back along the road, and I bet none of you get through us two.
If a single one of you gets as far as Jacob's Post, your side's
won. D'you see?"
"Yes, man."
"Well, nip off your way, and we'll go ours. Come
on—Duffy." He coloured as he used the name.
Roger and she stepped off the roadway on to the grass, and
they were about to cross a stretch made dirty with the large
droppings of kine, when Cyril called out: "Mind the cowslips!"
Trudy giggled; Owen too, for it was humour after his heart,
if a trifle daring; but Roger, to every one's surprise, swung
round and, running after Cyril, who immediately began to
escape, tried to give him a punitive kick.
"You know you don't talk like that in front of girls," he
muttered breathlessly.
"It was nothing much," Cyril grumbled.
"Well, much or not, don't say that sort of thing in front
of girls unless you want your behind kicked. Now clear out....
Come on, Duffy." And he led her away with the silence
of a man who has just shown his chivalry and his power. No
heed gave he, though undoubtedly hearing Cyril's "Sidey
swine!" and Daphne felt she must suggest, "But supposing your
cousin won't play now?"
"He'll play if he's told to," said Roger.
Roger, now that he was alone in a wilderness with his partner,
appeared a little awkward. He had difficulty in finding
anything to say; and Daphne, to ease him, ran merrily to the
gorse screen and flung herself prone upon the ground behind it.
Roger stood for a minute and looked down upon her.
"You're longer than I thought when you lie like that....
How old are you?"
He sat down.
"Thirteen!"
"Is that all? I should have, thought you were fourteen at
least. I'm—I'm fifteen. We're both on the long side, aren't
we?"
"You look quite sixteen."
"Do I? Yes, people generally think I'm older than I am." He
lay down on his arm beside her. "Do you live near here?"
Daphne answered this and several other questions, while
Roger listened, masticating one blade of grass after another and
throwing them away as they were drained of their pleasure.
He seemed given to thinking long on all he heard. In his turn
he explained that he was the only son of Sir Roger Muirhead,
"of the Muirhead Traders, you know," and that they had just
bought the Downway House on the Plumpton side of the
common, "partly for holidays, and partly as a spec." When
Daphne asked if he would one day be "Sir Roger," he replied
vaguely, "I daresay."
"And did you say Sillborough was your school? I think
Owen's supposed to be going there."
"Yes, I've been there over a year." And rather pretentiously
he added, "I must show your brother round when he
comes, and look after him a bit."
The talk failing here, Daphne pretended to look for signs
of Cyril and his party, but Roger, apparently anxious that she
should not elude his conversation, said: "Oh, they won't be
in sight for some time yet.... Look here, here's your mask.
I'm sorry I took it."
"No, you can have it," demurred Daphne, touched by his
apology. "I can easily make another."
"Oh, well. Perhaps I'll keep it, then.... I hope I didn't
hurt you when I twisted your arm like that, but you dared me
to, didn't you?"
"Oh, not a bit."
When the words had left her she knew, somehow, that she
had said them wrong; with too much contempt, or with insufficient
appreciation of his courtesy. She had very slightly bruised
his self-esteem. There was no doubt that, if he was very
chivalrous, he was also rather conceited and pompous.
"I could have done so, of course," he explained, "but I didn't
want to. I was only shamming."
By now his manner had stirred the suspicion, and it was
accompanied by just such a pleasant emptying sensation as she
had experienced when awaiting the adventure, that he was
attracted by her. She looked for a swift second at his face, hoping
he would not trap the glance, but his eyes were towards her,
and she swept hers past his. His were brown eyes, rather
small, perhaps, but when the enigmatic grin was at his lips,
they twinkled mischievously. This moment, as she took them
in her sweep, they were thoughtful. She continued the motion
of her head, pretending that it had all been done to ease her
neck. Her eyes fell upon his extended legs, of which the left
was crossed over the right. They were bare—bare and very
shapely. With a laugh she turned her face back to his and
asked: "Aren't you awfully cold?"
"No, I never feel the cold much. I've purposely inured myself
to it, like the Spartans, you know.... I'm awfully keen
on the Greeks, and their ideas about athletics, and so on....
Look here, we'd better arrange our plan of campaign. You'll
catch your school-friend and I'll have young Cyril in two twos,
and then I'll chase after your kiddy brother."
"Oh, you'll catch Owen all right——"
"By Jove, here they are!"
He slipped into a position ready to run.
"Now!" commanded he.
Out he shot, and with his fine strides soon ran Cyril down.
Daphne took longer to secure Trudy. Owen rushed past and
ran delightedly towards the gibbet. Roger set off in pursuit
with a long, unworrying, relentless pace that was probably
intended for the gaze of Daphne. Daphne watched him with that
partiality which comes from the prospect of seeing the humiliation
of a relative, especially one who tries to be clever. It was
quickly over. Roger brought back his prey after the fashion
of a policeman, one hand holding his collar, the other his wrist.
In all the games that filled that afternoon save one, Roger
contrived to secure Daphne for his partner. The exception
was when Daphne said, "No, I'm going with Cyril now," and
Roger looking nonplussed—even hurt, as at the shattering of a
dream—refused, of his courtesy, to force Daphne against her
will. Of his courtesy, too, he was gracious and gay with his
new partner, Trudy. At the afternoon's close, they agreed to
meet early the following morning. The last game was spread
all over the western side of the common, for Daphne, with
Roger to chivy every one off, had to reach Jacob's Post without
being so much as touched by Cyril, Trudy or Owen. She ran
diagonally and zigzag, and Roger with his long legs ran all
round her, intercepting any who threatened her. They could
not pass him and abandoned hope.
Throughout the evening, when they were playing table-games
in the great play-room at Old Hall House, she was as noisy
and skilful as Owen or Trudy, but she had moments of
wool-gathering when she wondered about many things. She would
have liked to escape to an empty room, there to walk up and
down with her friendly questions. The once or twice that
they played a guessing game and she was outside the closed
door, she let her thoughts run to the subject that called them.
Yes, for a little while he had been—he was—— But why?
She felt like a child—of a different order, almost, from him.
He was so mature and majestic (these were not Daphne's words,
who had less words than blindfolded thoughts), and strong and
proficient. But he was, for a little. She could not doubt it.
Incredible. Nothing would come of it, nothing could come of
it. It had only been a momentary attraction. Still, she
could—oh, yes, it gave her that curious, delightful emptying when
she imagined it—she could love him very much. He was, of
course, the very perfection of her idea of a lover; not faultless,
but exactly what she would like. Every one else she could
think of seemed less than he. But it wouldn't be ... it
wouldn't be.... She would hold herself in and wait on the
future.
Soon after nine the next morning they were waiting by the
Observation Post and looking down the Plumpton Road for
Roger and Cyril. A hooded cart rumbled towards them, and
when it passed their gathering, dropped from its tailboard, as it
might have been two bundles, Roger and Cyril. They were
very differently dressed from yesterday. Roger wore a suit
of grey flannel, apparently new-bought for the holidays, royal
blue socks and brown shoes, a plum-coloured tie, and his dark
hair plastered down. Though still a comely boy, he looked
rather more ordinary than he had done in his running kit.
"We'll toss for partners to-day," said he hurriedly, lest any
one suggested something else. "Cyril and I being the two eldest
males had better pick." Tossing up a coin he turned to Cyril.
"You call, man."
Cyril won, and chose Trudy. And throughout the day it so
fell that, whenever they tossed, Daphne always fell to Roger's
share. The first time he won he paraded doubt before choosing
her, and the second time said casually: "Ah, well, best
stick to the old firm." They played all the morning and all the
afternoon, having tea as guests of a rather lordly Roger at
the Royal Oak, and when the glamour of evening was over the
common, and their ravenous appetites cried to them that it must
be supper-time, Roger said mysteriously:
"Look here. Gather round, all. An idea's been festering
in my mind all the afternoon. Sit down. In a ring. This is
a bally conspiracy.... The first fine night we'll all meet on
the common at midnight. Don't be alarmed. It'll be topping."
"Oh, let's," agreed Cyril.
"We'll meet at Jacob's Post at half-past midnight, and bring
food."
"Oh, rather," suddenly said Daphne.
"Well, when shall it be?"
"To-night," said all.
"No, father isn't back yet. And it'll be no fun escaping if
there's no one dangerous to escape from."
"Is your father dangerous?" inquired Daphne.
"Oh, he's all right, only he thinks he's a deuce of a
disciplinarian."
"Would he whack you if he caught you?"
"Well, hardly," Roger grinned. "However, to-morrow
night's the night, if fine. Especially as we shan't have many
more nights——"
"What?" exclaimed Trudy.
Daphne, who had been fiddling with something on the ground,
looked up quickly and caught Roger's eye watching for her.
"Oh, are you going away, then?" she grumbled.
"Yes. Father joins us to-morrow, and in a few days we all
go off to Cornwall. Cyril and I were keen on it, but I'm not
so keen now. However, there it is." There was a fine Roman
note in his acceptance of adversity. "We won't meet at all
to-morrow afternoon, so as to be fresh for the night. If it's
fine, which it will be, and Cyril and I decide we can do it, we'll
come outside your house some time between six and eight
o'clock, and fire two shots in rapid succession."
"I say!" ejaculated Trudy, and an alarmed thumb-nail shot
to her teeth.
"No, it'll be all right, I promise you. Everything the whole
night. I'll guarantee no harm of any kind comes to you. I
shall regard it as my personal responsibility."
In imitation of this grandiloquence Owen drawled:
"Wow-wow-wow."
Roger turned sharply on him. If he were elaborately courteous
to girls that was no reason why he should stand any lip
from prep. schoolboys.
"What did you say, Stinkpot?"
"Nothing," answered Owen, subdued by so sudden an
approach.
"Well, don't say it again. If you can't keep your mouth
shut, put a sock in it. Well, now we all know the
programme...."
When Daphne, Trudy and Owen were littering the walk
home with their chatter, it gradually emerged that every one of
Trudy's remarks held a sly under-meaning. Daphne refused
to perceive it, though a rising colour betrayed her pleasure;
Trudy shaded off her remarks into the less and less equivocal,
but still Daphne saw them only as innocent, and at last Trudy
was forced to say outright:
"Of course, it's perfectly obvious that Roger's gone cracked
on you."
"What?"
"Of course, it is perfectly obvious that Roger has gone
cracked on you."
"'Course it's perfectly obvious he hasn't!" protested Daphne,
the blood now flooding her face.
Hearing the word spoken aloud and deliberately like that
had set her heart beating quickly and irregularly.
"Well, at any rate, you're blushing."
"At any rate, I'm not!"
"All right. If you say you can't see that Roger's silly about
you, you must be either a fool or a liar."
"I don't think it's obvious at all."
Here Owen unadvisedly stepped into the discussion.
"It's obvious to the meanest intelligence."
"Lot you know about it, copy-cat."
"Thank you. I do know a lot. My experience is extensive."
"It's not at all funny.... Besides, I was talking to Trudy.
What makes you think so?"
"I can always tell," Trudy explained.
When they entered the house, Daphne, whose cheeks were
still flushed and her heart still delightfully irregular, wanted
to get away alone, far more urgently than last night, so as to
think about it all. But supper detained her, and then Trudy
would keep her talking; and what was annoying about Trudy's
talk was that she had apparently forgotten the one interesting
topic, as if, after all, it were nothing very impressive. Daphne
answered her frequently enough to maintain a show of interest,
though really she missed large chunks of what Trudy was saying.
And as soon as possible she invented an excuse and ran
away to some place where she might be private. An old habit
sent her to the bathroom, where there was a bolt on the door.
There she leapt on to the mahogany framework of the bath,
and, sitting sideways, stared out at the dark orchard and the
brick walk that ran by the kitchen door.
Then he did. He, so much older (somehow), so much more
important, did love her. She saw him again—tall, dark,
wide-breasted, his eyes sparkling when excited with plans; twinkling
mischievously—almost possessively—when she struggled with
him; frowning angrily when he insulted Cyril or Owen. He
had twisted her wrist sharply, and to remember it was delicious,
and she, struggling for her mask, had had her arm tight about
his waist. The thought disturbed her internally, and she moved
a little as she sat on the side of the bath. She liked the
disturbance, and sought it by returning to the memory again and
again.
In her bed that night, when Trudy had talked herself to
sleep, she turned on her side and directed her will to thinking
only of Roger, in the hope that this would bring him into her
dreams and carry her into his. She struggled to keep her
erratic mind's-eye playing on the figure of Roger; Roger coming
over the brow in white running kit, wrestling with her for her
mask (her body straightened in bed as she remembered it),
choosing her for his partner, running about her and fighting
her battle. Surely this hard thinking would propel her soul
over the dark common to the Downway House where Roger
slept.
But this sunlight in the room, and the white and twisty
singing of birds! It was morning, and she hadn't dreamt at
all. She stared at the clock on the mantelpiece. Only twenty
past five. A dead silence in the house, and a perfect stillness
in the garden, except for the birds. Twenty past five....
Let her spend the next hour thinking of Roger. To enjoy the
thinking, she pulled the clothes warmly about her.
When, after breakfast, the two parties met again on the
common, Roger was still shy and awkwardly imperious, and
Daphne studied to be natural and lively as if unaware that love
was in any one's mind. Now and then, when Roger and she,
in hiding from the others, lolled under the gorse, she languished
a little before him, but it was more unconscious than deliberate.
Her face she kept averted, giving him only an occasional glance,
which she hoped he would not see. If they had long to wait,
she lay backward so that her head rested on her interlaced
fingers and her eyes dreamed at the sky. The glare tiring them,
she let her lids fall, after which a hundred noises of the
common seemed to become audible: birds, a cow's bell, a dog
barking far away, the breeze in the tree-branches, and the distant
suggestion of a cart with a trotting horse. Roger would be
extraordinarily silent at her side.
During the morning his nearness, though so desired, became
almost oppressive. She could scarcely answer him now, if he
spoke to her, and her part in the games was formal and
remote—she carried too pleasing a burden of thoughts. When they
returned to lunch, she carried them with her in silence. As
companions they were easier than Roger; and she was not
unhappy that the afternoon and evening were to be spent at
home, before the adventure of midnight. Trudy spent the
afternoon reading; Owen drawing. In Daphne the emotion
that was causing her heart to flutter or her voice to shake
funnily, began to press on her old vent—the desire to write.
This brought direction to her thoughts, and a rest in moving
with them. She dreamed out a story, in which two people met
while children, as Roger and she had done, and after being
parted for many years, both remaining faithful and both imagining
themselves forgotten, met again in middle age, to pass the
evening of their lives in a sheltered and fragrant calm. "Coo,
it'd make a beautiful story," thought Daphne, a contemplative
thumb arrested at her lips. Her imagination, playing on it,
teemed with ideas; and as, one after another, they came to
her, the story that should contain them all seemed so good that
its early publication was placed beyond doubt. Already she
saw it in book form. By tea-time she had completed a scenario
on a sheet of foolscap, and was writing the first paragraphs.
But the actual writing was a laborious exercise, and a drag on
her impatient thoughts; only dreaming could keep pace with
thoughts. No, by her fine afternoon's work on the scenario
she had earned the right to sit and think about it. And she
spent an enchanted evening in this service of her compulsion
to write—wonderfully oblivious of the outside world, and at
rest. Always its service was perfect freedom.
They were sitting at supper, with Miss Carrell at the table's
head, when suddenly a loud report was heard in the road.
"Good heavens! What's that?" exclaimed Miss Carrell.
There was another shot, but farther away.
Daphne felt that everybody in the cottages round must be
rushing into the road to see if murder had been done.
"Oh, it's some one killing rabbits, I expect," said Owen.
She found herself admiring her brother's composure. Owen
was not an easy mixture to analyse. Though often timid, he
showed flashes of daring, and would be quite undisturbed by
circumstances that started uncomfortable fears in her.
To-night, for instance, in this period between the half-light and
bedtime, when both girls had begun to be afraid of the secret
conspiracy, Owen had assumed an ascendancy.
"I'll come and collect you two as soon as the clock strikes
midnight," said he.
Trudy yawned. Her enthusiasm was at its lowest.
"But suppose we all drop off to sleep, and wake to find it's
morning."
"We must divide the night into three watches," Owen decided.
"We can go to bed at nine. There'll be three watches
of one hour. Trudy can take the first as she's tired, then
Duffy, then me.... I think I shall turn in soon, as we have
a long and dirty night's work in front of us."
In their bedroom Trudy lightened her watch by talking with
Daphne, and at ten o'clock said: "Now it's you on duty," and,
turning over, was soon asleep. Daphne lay awake, staring into
the darkness and listening to the last sounds in the household
below. In an hour she would see Roger again. But what
then? They would only be awkward with each other. They
found it so difficult to talk. The only perfect satisfaction—and
this was an impossible dream—would be to hold each other
close and long and in silence....
Thinking thus was such a restful happiness that she could
only keep awake by forcing open her eyes and staring at the
light on the blind or trying to distinguish the outlines of the
fire-place. A few times she did doze and was obliged to pull
herself back to watchfulness. Suddenly she heard a step
outside her door, and a creaking board. Her heart stopped. There
was a tickling knock, which nearly drove her under the sheets.
"Duffy! Duffy!"
"Yes?"
"It's eleven o'clock. You should have called me."
"Oh, you might have given me time."
"I'll take on now."
"All right...."
She turned over and remembered nothing more till she awoke
with another heart-leap at the sound of some one moving
outside her door.
"I say.... I say.... It's just on twelve."
Daphne sat up in bed. The memory that in half an hour
she would be with Roger had strengthened her to overcome
sleepiness.
"Trudy! Trudy!"
Something about the darkness forbade more than a strong
whisper.
But Trudy was heartily asleep.
"Trudy!"
She said it aloud, and coughed when she heard how loud it
sounded.
Getting up quickly, for she was half-afraid of the whole
room, she crossed to Trudy's bed and shook her shoulder.
"Trudy, it's midnight."
Trudy turned over resentfully.
"No, get up. Don't spoil it all. Owen and I are up." Trudy
threw off the clothes.
"Ooo! it's cold! I didn't think it'd be as cold as this."
A whisper came through the door.
"Aren't you two nearly ready. I've been ready for a long
time."
"Well, don't show off about it," enjoined Daphne.
In five minutes the two girls and Owen were creeping down
the stairs, stopping whenever they heard a distant door shaking
or a stair squeaking under their feet. On the road, the air
freshened them and the quick walking awakened them, and
they began really to enjoy themselves. The blind houses that
looked at them through the darkness, the sleeping Royal Oak
Hotel, the closed cattle gate at the entrance to the common, by
increasing their sense of guilt, gave a pungency to the
adventure. The empty common was, perhaps, almost too like a
desert; and all were feeling the eerieness of Jacob's Post, seen
through the night, when two figures leapt into their path, their
arms shooting to the sky in a demoniac gesture.
"Sorry," apologized Roger. "Cyril insisted on us doing
that."
But this lively item barely concealed that they were all rather
shy of one another; and Roger, determining, as the originator
of the conspiracy, to save it from awkwardness, said cheerily:
"We'll grub first. I want you all to come right to the centre
of the common.... So come along. Squad, march."
They followed him to the heart of the common, where he
led them to a stretch of low gorse, and unshouldered his
haversack, bidding Cyril do the same. From these they produced
five bottles of ginger beer, some buns and bananas, and a
lantern.
"Strike a light, my son," said Roger, addressing himself.
"See, it's a dark lantern.... Now we sit down and gorge."
None of them was hungry, and the buns were hardly a success,
but bananas were things you could eat at any time of the
day, or with a stomach in any state. And when the last of them
had been finished, Roger issued orders:
"This is the game. As there are five of us we divide into
two sides of two each. The fifth person must hide on the
common. Whichever of the two sides finds him first wins. It'll
have to be Cyril or me who hides, as Owen is too young and
foolish."
"I beg your pardon," said Owen.
"What?" asked Roger.
"I beg your pardon, I said."
"Oh, well, that's granted.... So Cyril——"
"But I mean I didn't gather the full purport of your last
remark."
"Well, wash your ears out next time.... Here, Cyril, we'll
toss who hides."
They tossed, and Cyril won.
"Oh, I'll take the lantern and do the hiding, you bet," said he.
"All right," permitted Roger; "and as I lost the toss, I'll
have first pick.... Well, may as well stick to the old firm.
Duffy and I will be on one side, and Trudy and Owen the
other."
"But we'll never find Cyril in the darkness," said Trudy.
"You haven't heard all yet. Cyril takes the lantern, and if
we're nowhere near him, he shows its light on the common.
He may then darken it and move away. If he's slick, he'll move
in the opposite direction to the one you're expecting. (I half
wish I had the lantern.) But as sure as he finds you're going
all wrong, he's got to show a light again."
"Oh, how topping!" agreed Trudy.
"Right! Streak away, Cyril. Take to the heather, my
bonnie lad. Any direction you like. We'll count a hundred
before we raise the highlands and pour down after you."
Aloud, monotonously, automatically, Roger counted one
hundred.
"——ninety-eight, ninety-nine, a hundred! Now, you and
your party, Owen, had better trickle southward towards
Brighton, and I and Duffy'll prospect the common northward
towards York."
A few uncomfortable seconds, and Daphne and Roger were
walking alone through the night. Her heart began to race.
She walked unspeaking beside him, aware of his equal
discomfort. They struck across the grass, sometimes tripped by
the branching bracken or a rush-crowned tussock, when Roger
would extend to her help a gentle hand. His talk about the
search for Cyril was so empty of conviction that she guessed
he was summing up courage to say something else. They
reached a clump of bramble, and Daphne, after stupidly looking
behind it, moved on.
"No, don't go on," stuttered Roger. "I've something to say
to you. Let's sit down." She obeyed him without speaking.
"When do you and Trudy go back to school?"
"September 14th."
"There! I knew it. I guessed it. Fate's against us. We
shan't return from Cornwall till two days after that. Heaven
knows if I shall ever meet you again. We were destined to see
each other in a flash and no more."
These words, so picturesque and sad, amounted to an avowal
of tenderness; wherefore Daphne could only keep silence,
pulling up blades of grass.
"Duffy, let me kiss you, may I?"
The words had, beyond doubt, come out of the darkness.
"Of course not."
"Duffy, don't be a rotter. Can't you see that any other
fellow'd have taken you, now he'd got you here, and kissed
you whether you let him or not. But I've never been rude to
you, have I? I have my own ideas about how you ought to
treat women. I reverence them. Duffy, I'm madly in love
with you—I am, really. You're—you're like a magnet to me." He
took her hand gently. "All this business to-night, and all its
beastly expense, I've engineered simply because I was determined
to have you for half an hour to myself, and in complete
privacy—out of the beastly daylight. Those kids are just being
used to serve our ends." He was obviously proud of his
manœuvring. "Duffy, I'm not a flirt. I've never flirted with
a girl in my life, not because I thought it wrong—that wouldn't
have worried me, for I'm afraid I generally do what I like—but
just because they've never interested me. I didn't want
to fall in love with you. But from the moment you jumped out
of that hedge at me you diverted the course of my life." She
guessed this had been rehearsed, for a similar sentence had
presented itself to her. "You may not remember, but you flung
yourself down on your face at my feet."
"Oh, I didn't."
"Well, behind a hedge, I mean. Let me finish. And the
minute you did that I was metaphorically at your feet....
Duffy, do you love me, too?"
To this she preferred to give no direct answer, and he repeated:
"Do you love me, too?"
"I like you."
"Well, let me kiss you. I shan't if you won't let me. But
if you don't I vow I'll never see you again. And I don't go
back on a vow.... And hang it, Duffy, I'm going in less than
a week."
"Oh, can't you get out of going?"
"No. Father's one of those who never changes his mind.
We're exactly like each other in that way, so I can't complain.
Duffy, are you sorry I'm going?"
"Yes, of course I am."
"Well, does that mean you do more than like me?"
The "Yes" would not leave her lips.
"Duffy, I believe you love me, do you?"
No answer.
"Do you?"
After a long silence she answered by resting her body against
his.
"Duffy!" He had immediately drawn her closer. "You—you
lovely wild flower on the heath."
And he kissed her—awkwardly rather than rapturously, as
if uncertain how such things were done, and the kiss was only
in the full of her cheek. The taking of her lips was an
impertinence that chivalry did not sanction.
But he kept her long in his pressure, and under the silence
she was trying to realize that these were Roger's arms. It
was so wonderful a thought that she feared lest her imagination
missed its fullness. And in the effort to keep her imagination
up to pitch, she probably did fall short of any complete rapture.
Roger seemed lost in his happiness, and it was she who first
drew away.
"I say, we're forgetting the others. They may be near."
Roger laughed significantly, and jumped up.
"I don't think so. Come this way, and I'll show you
something."
He led her to the nearest rise, where, after sweeping the
whole common to the south, he suddenly pointed and said:
"Look!"
A tiny light twinkled—it seemed miles away—and went out,
leaving nothing but darkness on the common. Then again it
pricked the night, and one could imagine voices.
"Coo!" exclaimed Daphne in admiration.
Roger gave a grim, self-satisfied laugh.
"Cyril has his orders. Jove! he's a faithful henchman.
Rather a nice piece of generalship, that! I don't fancy he'll
let himself be caught by that wretched little brother of yours
or that girl. He has his orders where to hold them, and for
how long."
"Does he know then what—what you were going to do to me?"
"I told him I jolly well wanted you to myself, and intended
having you. It's nothing new to have a squire in these
matters."
"But he may tell some one."
"Not he. He knows what he'd get if he did."
They were walking unthinkingly back to the clump.
"I'm awfully tired," she said.
He sat down and patted the grass.
"Lie there, then, and rest against me."
She obeyed, putting an arm about his waist and laying her
head on his coat. He patted it lovingly, and occasionally kissed
her hair, to which she would respond with a little hug. Once
he said: "Are you sure you're not cold?" and later, after a
long kiss on her forehead upturned: "My God, I'm glad I was
born."
In the morning she told Trudy. This had been Roger's
advice, and she was not at all averse to acting on it. "Cyril
knows, and Trudy and the young brother must know," he had
said. "Otherwise we shan't be able to escape away alone." And
Trudy, after an annoying "What did I say?" was magnificent,
showing a deep interest in the romance, and out-talking
Daphne with plans for the next few days. Owen said, "I
protest it shocks me," and did what he could to help.
There were three days before Roger left. The first two, as
was right for lovers, they wandered together along country
roads or up on to the downs. Often they were at a loss for
conversation, but always Roger embraced happiness, and
Daphne lost herself in it, when the time came for her to sink into
his arms. She discovered, too, that he could always be given
conversational facility, and the desirable mental ease, if he
were encouraged to talk about himself. She learned then that
unless he did something big he would not really be Sir Roger
Muirhead, because his father was only a knight, but that he
intended to do some very big things, and preferably in the field
of politics. Herself talked little; she did not want to talk; the
love affair was a dream—a dream like that one in which she was
tried for murder before a watching world and unjustly
condemned—but a dream that had solidified. Here in undeniable
fact at her side was Roger, splendid to look at, clever, dominant,
strangely older than she, and yet so deferential to her, so
chivalrous. She was immensely proud of him; no grown-up
girl with a lover had more than she, and of girls her own age
who had such a one as this?
The third day, being the last before Roger's departure, a
great scheme of his was carried through. Under cover of a
few fabrications he and she escaped to Brighton, as other illicit
lovers have done before and since. They lay on the shingle,
each very proud of the other. They bathed, and afterwards
stretched white, firm limbs to dry in the sun. They were
photographed by a beach photographer that Roger might have
her image in his breast pocket; but so revolting was the likeness
that she begged him to smash it, and had a presentiment of
disaster when it went with a strong man's finality into his breast.
There were also in his pocket a big supply of envelopes
addressed to her in Owen's handwriting, by means of which he
intended to get his letters through the protective barriers at
Hemans House. A brilliant stratagem! They had lunch on a
restaurant balcony overlooking the sea, and tea at the end of
the pier. With the falling of the sun the melancholy that had
been with them all day took on a likeness of pain. He told
her the train that they were taking to-morrow, and reminded
her that it would run along the side of Ditchling Common.
"You must be on the common and wave to me, and I will
see you the whole length of that bit. You must stand on one
of the higher parts and I'll see you as long as I can. After
that—well, I simply don't care to think what'll happen after
that."
She said nothing in reply, so he repeated:
"Will you be there, Duffy?"
Her face turned towards him, and her eyes sought his. As
if he didn't know she'd be there!
"Roger, I believe you think you love me more than I love
you."
"Well, you never say much."
"I don't want you to go."
"Say, 'I love you better than all the world, darling."
"I love you better than all the world, darling."
That little sceptic who always crouched in a corner of
Daphne's mind—that little sceptic who had enabled her to
question Hollins's nursery rhymes, to see that Miss Vidella acted
up to a part, or to suspect the ephemeral quality of the
friendship with Trudy—had not been unheard during these
rose-flushed days. It had whispered to her what grown-ups would
say of the whole affair: that it was the veriest calf-love and
the breath of a moment, and if there were pain in parting,
three weeks would heal the wound. It had whispered that, of
course the grown-ups were right. And yet the fact remained
that she had so worked on her imagination, so lost herself in
her dream, that now she suffered, and in her suffering, these
thoughts could only peep and run.
She cried when she left Roger that night, and the cries became
sobs, and her dreams when at last she slept were troubled
with his presence. "I shan't see him any more," was her first
thought on waking. "I know I shan't." As soon as possible
she fled. Half an hour too early she was standing on the highest
ridge of the undulating common, waiting for the distant smoke
of Roger's train. Except for a cart trundling to Ditchling the
ribbon of highway on which he had first appeared was deserted.
A few cows cropped the grass near the western hedges. The
cocks and hens, like the care-free creatures they were, pecked
at the ground by Jacob's Post. As she waited she fiddled with
her fingers, or nibbled at unripe blackberries, or looked around
in search of the gorse bushes under which they had lain
together. The action of her heart had sickly moments. She
dreaded the coming of the train, and yet longed for it. Would
it never come? Surely she had been waiting a long time. It
would be better if it came soon and got its sharp moment over.
It was a relief when she caught her first glimpse of it—but
a shock as well, for she had been in a brown study. It
rushed on and past. She thought she distinguished Roger at
a window, but could not be sure. But he at least must have
seen her, for she had stood on her hill and waved her handkerchief
in the same arc again and again, till the train was out of
sight and there was nothing left but a broken puff of smoke in
the sky.
Not three weeks, but three months were required for her
cure. And even after that—for long after that—the memory
of Roger, so handsome and so courteous, could give her a
pleasant melancholy.
At first, however, she had been surprised to find that the rest
of the holiday was anything but empty and dull. She was able
to enjoy herself with Trudy and Owen, melancholy only adding
a charm. Laughter came as easily as before, though sometimes
she arrested it. She and Trudy would stare out of the
window at old Eadigo in the garden, watching him as he bent
low in his too-tight trousers, and hoping for the best.
"Now—this time!" she would say, as he stooped to remove a
weed—"it must happen soon," and she would wonder if such humour
were consonant with Roger's absence. But he had written to
her, and though his letters were infrequent, they were couched
in the correctest language of a lover.
This was more than she had hoped, and she was very proud.
When she went back to school, and Miss Vidella came fussing
into the dining-room to welcome back her dear girls, Daphne
felt sorry for her as an old maid who had never known the
sensation of being loved. In her pride she felt the other girls
ought to know about her romance, and in order that they might
at least suspect, she encouraged their chaff when they found
her in a deserted class-room writing to a secret correspondent.
She liked to have this privacy disturbed by some inquisitive girl
and to snatch her letter guiltily away. She was even tempted
by the shameful idea of losing a letter of Roger's that it might
be found and read.
But she was saved from this by the failing character of
Roger's letters. Only the first two or three had been really
passionate. And only two had come to Hemans House in the
carefully prepared envelopes, and they had been little more
than a résumé of his doings.
"He won't write again now. He'll never write again."
And he didn't. All the rest of those envelopes must have
been destroyed.
After two months without a letter, she grew used to the
pain, and gradually lost it. She no longer, when lying in bed,
projected herself to Roger, but imagined instead their meeting
one day when he would plead for forgiveness, and she would
be too indifferent to cut or punish him; or, as a variant of this,
the announcement in a paper which he would see: "A marriage
has been arranged between Miss Daphne Deirdre Tenter
Bruno, the celebrated daughter of an equally celebrated parent,
and Lord Montagu of Beaulieu"—for this title had always
fascinated her.
The next summer, when the meeting might just possibly
happen, she learned towards the term's end that they were to
be whipped away to Devonshire for a long holiday by the sea.
This was excellent. Roger, if he came to the common, would
learn that the Brunos were away, on dignified travels in the west.
The day before they left Sussex she dared to walk past the
Muirheads' house. As she hurried along its frontage expedited
by the sight of people in the garden, the side of her eye
perceived that they were strange children with a nurse in uniform.
This made her halt round a bend. After a moment of deliberation,
she walked back towards the house, and asked of a gardener
who was trimming a hedge of thuja: "Can you tell me,
does a Lady Muirhead live here?"
"No, miss," said the gardener. "Least, it's their house, I
believe, but it's let now to my boss, Mr. Bradlaugh."
"Oh!" exclaimed Daphne, conscious of a sharp
disappointment. "Have you been here long?"
"We come here last spring, miss?"
"And how—how long will you be staying?"
"I don't know, miss. Two or three years, I reckon."
"Oh—well, thank you. Thanks awfully."
She walked back. The blow had been to learn that Roger
wouldn't after all be humiliated and saddened by the sight of
Old Hall House empty and frowning, nor by the gorse and
brambles on Ditchling Common.
Daphne's sixteenth and seventeenth years might have
been called the years of the giggle. In the main they
poured over shallows. No successor to Roger Muirhead came
troubling her with a like emotion; and except for one short
period she had no religion to make depths in the stream-bed.
There was but one clear motive in her life that waxed stronger
with the months, and brought a pattern to the welter; and this
was her ambition to write. Of the rest of her nature the
lawless high spirits took possession.
She grew like a blade of newly-sown grass. As her father
said, you could almost see her growing; nay more, on a still
night, if you listened very carefully, you could hear her
growing. Her features lost some of their roundness and softness,
and her body became a thought too narrow for its height. It
worried her rather, so that she began to take very seriously
her physical culture—her gymnasium, riding and tennis.
She laboured at this time on the manufacture of a distinguished
signature, "Daphne D. T. Bruno," giving it a tail
like an unwinding lasso, till her father, seeing the flourish,
expressed acute distress and shame: "Duffy, this is
awful—awful. You must have the soul of a tea-shop girl."
The ambition to write increased with every novel she read,
and every discussion she heard on other people's novels. In
a small part its driving force was the true compulsion of the
artist; but the most of it was a mixture of crude ambition
and sheer imitation. She wanted no less than a thundering
fame, and she wanted to imitate the style and methods of the
authors she read. After reading Dickens, she wanted to be
a great humanitarian and a master of comic caricature; after
Thackeray, an urbane and tolerant satirist; after George Eliot,
William Black, or Bulwer Lytton—well, she remodelled her
style on whichever of them was the last read. She had no idea
of working hard to equip herself for greatness; her reading
was lazy, and limited to such fiction as pleased her; it could
only be compassed lolling in a comfortable chair, and any hard
parts she read through without troubling to know if she
understood them.
Since she had no sincere religion or stable code of morals,
nothing but an antiseptic, compounded of humour, innocence and
the herding instinct, saved her from the grosser evils. This,
and the two steadying influences of Hollins and Miss Sims.
There had to be a show of religion at Hemans House, of course,
but except in panicky moments when she sent up ejaculatory
S.O.S.'s to God, it made no settlement in her secret life.
Already the sceptic in the corner of her mind issued hints that
she was probably the only girl in the school who knew that she
didn't believe anything. This struck her as rather original,
and she would sometimes give it an airing before Hollins. She
did it with intent to shock, till one day the old servant, now very
grey, discomfited her by interrupting:
"I'm very sorry, Miss Duffy, but I must ask you once and
f'r'all, not to do your laughing at these things with me. I
don't like it, I tell you I don't. It makes me think you'll be
struck leprous, or the like of that. And though you're only a
child, it—it sort of upsets my faith. And then I don't know
where I am.... It's for your pa to say, of course, but to
my idea it's a dreadful thing for children to be brought up
without any religion. No good'll come of it, I dare swear."
She had a similar experience with Miss Sims.
Miss Sims had kept her favourite's affection, if not the earlier
adoration. And on Sundays, when the crocodile went tail-first
to church, Daphne would inflate the governess's heart by coming
to chatter at her side, and in church by pushing to sit next
to her.
It was when walking to church one Sunday that Daphne
deliberately shocked Miss Sims by a frank statement of her
atheism, with this corollary; that she didn't think she would
marry because it would interfere with her writing, but she
saw no reason, believing in love as she did, why she shouldn't
have intermittent love affairs like other famous women. Here
was opportunity for Miss Sims to play the saviour, and she
filled the part at once. She hurt her favourite with a swift
lash, refusing to be amused and suggesting that Daphne walked
elsewhere; and when the girl, who had been silent for the
rest of the walk, was sitting beside her in church, Miss Sims
acted her own devotion and faith. It distinctly impressed
Daphne, who glimpsed a beauty and peace in holiness.
But it was Winnie Chatterton who really led her on a short
excursion into holiness. Winnie Chatterton was the only notable
successor to Trudy Wayne. The friendship with Trudy had
wilted. They had not quarrelled, but just drifted apart. They
were friendly, but not friends. After a chain of minor
intimacies Daphne discovered Winnie Chatterton, and Winnie
Chatterton discovered Daphne Bruno. Both wondered how
they could have been three and four years at the school without
an earlier gravitation each to the other. In figure and colouring
they were much the same, which was delightful, and there
was the most wonderful community of taste. And now on
walks through Windsor Park these two tall girls went hand in
hand. Their place was near the head of the crocodile, and of
the many treble voices that made up that peripatetic parliament,
one, as likely as not, was Daphne's as she told to Winnie the
whole story of the last novel that had affected her. "Vanity
Fair" she serialized, telling it in three instalments on three
successive walks. And Winnie, whose art was music, talked
enthusiastically about that, or about the High Churchmanship
that had lately won her. In the end Daphne tried both the
music and the religion.
Old though she was, she insisted on taking up the 'cello with
Mr. Pulteney, the music master (the "Chutney" of the girls).
And after her first lesson, which was disastrous, she rushed to
Winnie to give humorous report of it.
She had walked towards the music-room, explained Daphne
hurriedly, and seen Petsy (Miss Vidella) waiting for her
outside. Together they had entered the room where Chutney was
tuning her shining new instrument. Petsy had seated herself
on a chair to act as chaperon, for music lessons and the music
master, as all literature showed, were the points at which
foolishness and sin were most likely to break through. So Petsy
had sat in a chair to strengthen the defences. Daphne, on
taking the huge instrument, had most unfortunately felt a sudden
desire to giggle. It was awful, and when Chutney placed the
music-stand before her and asked: "Where's your music, Miss
Bruno?" she had only been able to reply, with the giggle
trembling through her words: "I've forgotten it. It's up in my
bedroom." At that Petsy had rustled in her chair, probably
rendered ill at ease by this mention of bedroom to a music
master. "Really, my dear child," she had whined, "you are
slatternly in many things. Can she not, Mr. Pulteney, use some
of the music of the other dear children?" Chutney had said he
was afraid not, because she needed the most elementary book,
and he had no other girl beginning at the beginning. So Petsy
had creaked out of her chair into a standing position, and said:
"Well, we must go and get it, dear. It's really very thoughtless
of you. Come. Trip ahead of me."
"Why we were both obliged to go out Heaven only knows,"
commented Daphne. "I suppose because if Petsy had gone for
the music, I should have been left alone with a music master,
and if I had gone, she'd have been left alone with a music
master. And Chutney couldn't go, of course, because of the
intimate nature of the room where the music was. So we
tripped out together."
When they were in the hall Daphne had run upstairs, two
and three steps at a time, while Petsy waited at the bottom in all
the safety of that public place. She must needs call after
Daphne: "Don't go up the stairs like that, dear child.
Supposing anyone had been passing and seen you. So impetuous
you dear children are!" Daphne had got her music and come
down again decorously. She had then re-entered the music-room
behind her principal, and sat in the pupil's chair while
Chutney placed the 'cello in the correct position, and Petsy
watched carefully through her spectacles to make sure that in
touching the 'cello he didn't also touch the 'cellist.
Then the 'cellist had commenced. Her first notes had been
as horrible as an amateur's first notes on a bugle, and the
desire to giggle had got much worse, with the result that her
hands trembled, and the next notes were too awful for words.
Unfortunately, Chutney, who was a perfect dear, had caught
the infection of her giggle. Presumably he had never before
had so old a pupil at the clumsy stage of 'celling. At last,
after a dreadful prolonged note on the lowest string, her giggle
had burst out, and Chutney had only saved himself from disgrace
by swinging round, so that his back was turned to Miss
Vidella. Miss Vidella had asked: "Has something humorous
happened?" and Daphne had apologized, saying: "I'm sorry,
Miss Vidella. I can't help it." Then Petsy had begun to
rustle a lot, thinking no doubt that this conjunction of a music
master, music, and a giggle promised the worst results. She
had shut her eyes behind her spectacles for a second, and
asked: "Can you approach anything, Daphne dear, without
unsuitable levity? If you are not disposed to bring seriousness
to these music lessons, which your dear father has secured for
you at considerable cost"—Chutney had grimaced at that—"and
from the best instructors"—that had set him grinning sheepishly
out of the window—"I shall have to recommend him to
discontinue them. Now please proceed."
Then there had been a lot of trouble with her fingering.
Time and again Chutney had moved to adjust her fingers with
his own, only stopping when he saw that Petsy's spectacles
ruled out so indecorous a thing. Absurd, because Chutney
was really such a pure little man. He had been obliged to
demonstrate the correct method by holding another instrument
before her, and asking her to copy exactly the movement of
his fingers; which she had done, but her sounds had been quite
different from his, and induced Petsy to poke in with some
advice: "Try to do what Mr. Pulteney says, dear." Not a
helpful remark; and Daphne, getting annoyed, had pulled
her bow rather savagely along the string, producing the most
painful sound of the morning. This had changed her temper
into humour, and for some torturing seconds she had been
much more occupied in controlling her laughter than in
catching what Chutney was saying. Her wrist work and her
holding of the bow had been just as troublesome, and Chutney
had kept coming towards her with the obvious desire of putting
her hand and wrist into the correct position, but had tripped,
as you might say, over the protective ray from Petsy's eyes.
And Petsy had most stupidly tried to bridge the difficulty by
some more advice: "Do try and remember, dear, that it is a
bow that you are holding and not a clothes brush"; which had
made Daphne want to mutter: "Oh, you shut up, for the Lord's
sake!"
"From somewhere about this time," explained she to Winnie,
"the row began to begin. I can hardly remember how it started—I
never can—and I had a beastly feeling when it was all over
that I had made a fool of myself, but you know what Petsy
is—she's such an old fool, posing so pompously and thinking
it's funny."
"Oh, what happened, what happened?" asked Winnie.
"Well, I think Chutney said, as a sort of excuse for me, that
the exact position was a little difficult to get right at first. And
Petsy was sarcastic and said: 'Not, I take it, to intelligence.' And
I lost my temper and said: 'But I'm not intelligent.' Chutney
stared, and Petsy was rather taken aback, but when she had
recovered herself, she opened fire, I can tell you. She said:
'Precisely, my dear. And the less intelligent girls have to
make up for their deficiencies by a becoming willingness and
humility. They do not boast of their stupidity.' And I snapped
back: 'I wasn't boasting. I was deploring the fact.' Then
Petsy stood up. I think she was simply beaten by such
cold-blooded impudence, and could not for the life of her decide
how to deal with it. But she had to do something in front of
Chutney, so she began: 'My dear Daphne, I do not like that
tone at all. I do not like it at all. I really have not been
insulted in a music lesson before. I think you will go to your
classroom, where you will wait to hear from me.' Then she
apologised at great length to Chutney for taking up his valuable
time with a perverse and ill-mannered child, and Chutney was
perfectly sweet, saying I was only confused and awkward at
first, and would be all right next time. And Petsy interrupted:
'I really do not know whether there will be a next time. I am
not at all sure that I shall allow her to continue her lessons.' And
of course I said: 'I've no particular desire to,' and went
haughtily out of the room. She's said nothing so far, but I
suppose I'm in for an interview, and a heart-to-heart talk."
Her conversion to High Churchmanship was a mixture of
sincerity and posturing, as the sceptic in the corner would hint
through his gags. It was sincere in this: that she secretly
disliked much of her character and wanted to improve it; she had
depressed moments when she thought herself vain, lazy, much
too selfish, and without a decent control of her temper; and
while she couldn't believe that her own strength would ever pull
out these tough-rooting faults, she was quite sure that a stern
religion would do it. And her lack of any stable morality
could trouble her sometimes; she remembered how it had enabled
her to suggest in flippancy things that earned disgust from
people like Miss Sims. At such times, aided by the placid
demeanour of Miss Sims and her occasional homilies, and by the
graver, brow-furrowing chats of Winnie, and the tales of the
saints that she had read, her imagination would show her the
religious life as one of self-respect, happiness in worship, and
peace in believing.
The element of posture lay in her eagerness to perform the
picturesque rites of High Churchmanship; in her instant
response to its spirit of gay rebellion; and in her desire to do
something that would startle her family.
In the beginning sincerity occupied most of the ground. Her
first weeks, after her acceptance of the faith and her prayer
in which she surrendered to God and asked forgiveness for
her long neglect, were very happy; and she was perfectly
conscious of a softening and ennobling of her character. She
went ahead of Winnie, and silently wondered how her friend
could keep certain things in her life as fellow-tenants with her
religion. These were perhaps the sweetest days of Daphne's
childhood. But it could not last. The soil was too unbroken,
and there were too many older roots in the tilth; the little
sceptic spread his gangrene: "Do you really believe all this?
You know you don't really? Not if you once thought it out";
and a series of little shocks, as she realised some of the things
that the religion implied, helped to wither the sincerity and
bring in the element of posture. That every good Catholic
was morally obliged to go to Confession she had not foreseen,
and she knew she could never go; other duties such as fasting,
hearing Mass, being confirmed, and preparing long and earnestly
for her communions she was prepared to accept, but not this—not
confession to any living creature of some of the things
that hurt her conscience: And that every really Catholic priest
ought to be a celibate—good heavens, did Anglo-Catholics say
that?
Winnie, who considered that she had to be as extreme as
possible now she was instructing a neophyte, declared that such
of course was the truth. In fact, she made much of this question
of celibacy, deploring its widespread disregard. Her first
vicar had been married, she said, but had had the decency not
to have children. His successor, however, was not only
married, but had a boy at Cambridge. "I don't think he ought to
have married at all," expounded Winnie, "but if he did, he
shouldn't have borne a son."
When Daphne went home for the holidays, the posturing was
so far in possession that she was chiefly eager to offend
everybody by insisting that she must go into Brighton on Sundays
to hear Mass at a respectable church. And her first Sunday
she found herself in St. Paul's, West Street, which had the
reputation of being as high as was possible. It certainly seemed
very high indeed; and disappointment took her when she knew
herself shocked, bewildered, and traitorously sure that she
could have worshipped more easily in the service to which she
was accustomed. But it was only a matter of getting used to
it, she supposed, and therewith struggled up to certain points
of spiritual exaltation. All the holidays she talked Catholicity
to the household, and when her father ridiculed her, saying:
"Yes, run and worship in your strange groves, Daphne," she
was not displeased at this prick of persecution. Hollin's
acceptance of the news was rather disturbing, for, after Daphne
had been chattering some time about the joys of religion, the
old servant suddenly dropped her sewing, blew her nose, and
carried the handkerchief to her eyes before returning it to her
lap. "Well, there, miss," she said, pretending to believe that
Daphne had not observed anything, "I am glad. It's kind of
done me a lot of good, and strengthened my faith that prayers,
if you stick to 'em, are often answered."
By the time she went back to school, the sceptic had nearly
worked himself free of his gags, and she knew that she was
only longing to shock the other girls with her advanced
Catholicity, and to see what would happen when she exhibited it on
the first Sunday of the term to Miss Vidella.
The movements of Daphne and Winnie that first Sunday were
the creations of Daphne's brain. She justified them on the
ground that it was a duty to reveal to old-fashioned and
prejudiced minds the strength of Catholic thought. Winnie and she,
as elder girls, walked to the church, one on each side of Miss
Vidella; and when they reached the Lady Chapel, in which
were the seats allotted to Hemans House, they still managed
to keep her between them. This was designed to surround Miss
Vidella with Catholicity. Kneeling down, they made augmented
signs of the cross, prayed for a suitable time, and made second
signs of the cross; and then resumed their chairs and read
advanced manuals. The vestry opened on to the side chapel,
and when the vicar and the curate passed them at the tail of the
choir, the two girls bowed in reverence for the priestly office.
The vicar noticed it and looked surprised.
They made the sign of the cross at the Absolution and at the
close of the creed. They bowed at every Gloria. And in the
Ante-Communion Service, at the Incarnatus clause, they
genuflected. The genuflexion left Miss Vidella standing as a sort
of indignant Protestant lighthouse in these undulating waters
of Catholicity. Some girls in front turned round to see what
had happened.
All the way home Miss Vidella was menacingly reserved;
and they were soon summoned to her room. This prospect of
imperial persecution was excellent. They had done nothing,
absolutely nothing (Daphne assured her partner as they walked
to judgment) but what they were perfectly entitled to do—what
indeed it was their duty to do. Petsy wouldn't have a leg
to stand on.
Miss Vidella began mildly.
"I could not but notice, Daphne dear and dear Winifred, that
in church this morning you indulged in practices which are
usually associated with Roman Catholicism. You are not, I believe,
Catholics."
"Yes, we are," said Winnie.
"Yes, Catholics," Daphne explained, "but not Roman Catholics."
"Oh, you are, are you?" The imperial power was clearly
annoyed by their bearing. "But not Roman Catholics. And
may I inquire how you can be Catholics without being Roman
Catholics?"
To explain to the uninstructed the answer to this question
has always been a long and laborious business; so Winnie turned
to Daphne as spokesman.
"All Church of England people are Catholics if they only
knew it," said Daphne.
"Oh, I see. Then am I a Catholic?"
This made Daphne want to giggle; and at first she thought
she had better leave the query without a reply; but, deciding
not to go back upon her church, she said awkwardly:
"Yes, I—I'm afraid so."
It seemed rather a press-gang method of getting Miss Vidella
on board the Ark, and it was not surprising that her annoyance
was increased.
"I see. But I fear I am not so good a Catholic as to tolerate
in my school such ridiculous practices as those with which you
embarrassed the greater part of the congregation this morning.
You will kindly behave as others do and keep your gymnastic
exercises for Tuesdays and Fridays, when I think you
go to the Royal Gymnasium for Instruction. Have you
anything more to say?"
Daphne knew that what she ought to say now was a modern
paraphrase of "Oh King, live for ever. Be it known unto
thee that we will not worship as you wish, nor do anything that
you suggest"; but on being asked so abruptly she couldn't shape
a single sentence.
"Then that will do, my dears, you may go."
They decided in a mysterious council of war that, having
done this much they could henceforth, with the early Christians
for a precedent, veil their gestures and reverences.
At the end of that term Winnie left to be "finished" in a
French convent, and Daphne, who had been ashamed to backslide
before her friend, tried her religion on a charge of
personation, and convicted it.
Now she received occasional news of Roger Muirhead. Owen
was at Sillborough and would mention him in his letters or on
his holidays. Not often though, for Daphne never asked for
information, and Owen apparently detested his senior. It
looked as if Owen also had a secret desire to be an author, for
he affected a very personal and precious style. "At this
Academy," wrote he in his first letter from Sillborough, "we have
one R. Muirhead, with whose name you will not be wholly
unfamiliar. He is, I think, the most conceited ass I have ever
known. He's a prefect, and fancies himself hugely as a
disciplinarian. 'My word is law and changeth not' sort of
business—as our inimitable Herbert Hollins would say. 'Woe to anyone
who crosses my path or thwarts me! I am severe but just. Oh,
yes, I am not easily angered, but if some groundling does raise
my ire, he must expect no quarter. Oh, no.' Funny that these
pompous blokes never credit any one with the brains to see
through them. Of course the boys suck up to him, because
he's hot stuff at games, which he certainly is, though not as
good as he thinks. No one ever was as good as that. And
this sucking up makes him ten times worse. I can tell you
R. Muirhead is no small panjandrum. Dammy, no."
In the summer of her seventeenth year she read for the
first time one of her father's books, and was surprised to find
it exceedingly interesting. Here was a book that wasn't even
fiction, and yet, with its wit and gaiety and its big, far-sweeping
ideas, gave her thrills as pleasant as any story she could
remember. She sat on and read devouringly. The grander words
danced quadrilles in her head: "Intelligentsia," for example,
and "Reactionary." The book was a survey of modern history
written from the viewpoint of a doctrinaire rebel, and Daphne's
sympathy was always, as the writer intended, for the
Revolutionaries and the Intelligentsia, who appeared to be the same.
She longed to be accounted one of the Intelligentsia. It was
a new ambition, and her heart went wholly to it. She crept into
her father's empty study and abstracted another of his books.
And then another. Many of their illusions and quoted names
she did not understand, but their wit and some of their matter
she did—far more than she had dared to hope. But the final
result of her reading, thanks to her habit of bolting what she
could not masticate, was to increase the confusion of her mind;
she retained only phrases and names and a muddled idea that
revolutionaries were always right and reactionaries always
wrong.
Why it was necessary to abstract the books surreptitiously
she could hardly say; probably because she would be utterly
ashamed to be caught by Miss Carrell or Owen reading a book
by her father. It was Mr. Bruno, however, who surprised
her at it. One wet afternoon she was alone in the great play-room
at Old Hall House, gathered sideways in a tattered lounge-chair
with her legs under her and the book on the chair's arm.
Its sparkling survey of a century's literature had her in such
thrill that she did not hear his entry. At the moment she was
annoyed to have allowed years to pass in idleness instead of
in reading all these authors here written of; brain-hot with
resolves to read them all immediately, and flattered by her own
delight, since it proved that by nature she was one of the
Intelligentsia.
Mr. Bruno stood and looked at her. An unconscious grace in
her attitude pleased him and stirred as usual the desire to banter
her.
"Relaxed and idle creature," he began. "Yes, you may well
jump guiltily. Have you no holiday task, or are there no household
duties waiting to be done, that you loll there—for all the
world like a statue of Indolence—reading some cheap and nasty
trash?"
She rolled on to her back, putting the book between her body
and the arm of the chair.
"On the contrary, it's quite a decent book, darling."
(She had taken to calling him "darling" ever since on a
holiday visit she had heard Winnie Chatterton doing as much by
her parent.)
"Decent? My dear, if it were a serious book on logic you
would learn that the epithet 'decent' (which is a disgusting
misuse of words, by the way) is what is known as a Petitio
Principii, or Begging of the Question. It probably does appear
decent to one without any literary palate, but that doesn't make
it so."
"I don't say it's anything much, but the man who wrote it,
I should think, is not without intelligence."
"What's the idle tale called?"
"Wouldn't you like to know?"
"I should not only like to know, but in thirty seconds I
shall know."
And he thrust out his hand towards the book, while she rolled
over to cover the secret with her body.
"No, you shan't! You shan't. Go away."
"Ah, would she?" smiled he. "Would she? Since she forgets
she's a full-sized woman and adopts the tactics of a little
child, she shall be treated as such." And, putting one arm
behind her back and the other under her knees, he lifted her off
the chair and laid her on the carpet.
"How dare you, darling? ... Good night! I didn't know
you were so strong..."
Leaping up, she threw her arms about his elbows, trying to
pin them to his sides and hold him back from the book. "No,
daddy, don't be a cad," she begged; but he took a pace forward,
wrenched an arm free, stooped down and picked up the book.
She released him, saying: "Well, I think it's a dirty shame."
He turned the book so as to see its title on the back, and
read "The Decay of Romanticism, by T. Tenter Bruno."
It moved him, and almost unwittingly he placed an arm about
her shoulders and pressed her to his side. Then he tossed the
book back on to the chair.
"No, Duffy dear. Read your tales, not stuff like that. It's
a dull and heavy work, as are all its fellows—stale, flat and
unprofitable."
"It isn't," denied Daphne. "It's fine. I'd no idea your books
were as decent as that. They're so slick and witty. I've been
screaming with laughter. Daddy, how do you write so wittily
as that?"
"Rudeness, my dear—that's all—just rudeness. The rudeness
is all. All wit, from the highest to the lowest, can be shown
to have its bottom in abuse, whether it's the neatest definition of
Voltaire or Johnson or just the low comedian saying: 'Your
mother must have been fond of children to bring you up.'"
"But it isn't only their humour—they're so—they've got such
ideas——"
He brought her in front of him, holding her there with a
hand at each shoulder, that he might look at her. Flitting in
his mind was the memory of that February evening when she
was born and he had wondered into what long girl she would
grow. And here she was—in his hands and before his eyes.
"Elle est mon rève." Strange that one could tell oneself in
French, and be pleased with the phrase, what one would
condemn in English as sentimental! "Elle est mon rève."
"You speak, Duffy, as if you'd been wasting your time
skimming some of the others."
"I've read two, and this is my third, and I'm going to read
all of them."
"No, no, dear. Let them alone." He moved his hands and
picked up the book. "I have read them all, and I am a great
critic, and think them small beer. I'll get you something that'll
really interest you, and be improving at the same time. 'Sandford
and Merton,' have you read that? And 'The Swiss Family
Robinson.' ... Or since you were doubtless made for pleasure
rather than profit, I'll get you 'The Worst Girl in the Fourth
Form.' Only name your choice, so that you don't read
unedifying stuff like this."
She snatched back the book.
"My choice is all the other books of T. Tenter Bruno.
They're ripping."
"Oh, they seem more to enthusiasm and—yes, to your youthful
mixture of generosity and ignorance—than they really are.
They will serve their purpose—amuse a few people and be
deservedly forgotten."
"You know they won't. You know you think they're splendid.
You'd be a fool if you didn't. I don't want to flatter you,
but whatever else you are, you're not a fool. I've never read
anything like them. I never thought books on subjects like
that could be interesting like that. Daddy, I'm awfully proud
of you."
Mr. Bruno smiled, and once more pressed her to his side.
"Pride? You don't know one-tenth of what the word means.
Pride, Duffy. When you have a daughter who not only speaks
well of your books but even reads them, you'll begin to probe
the depths of the word." He kissed her forehead. "And when
you look her up and down and realise that there's a chance of
her—well a chance of her—let us say, a chance of her being not
without beauty——"
"Oh, no, I'm not," interrupted Daphne. "I can't see it at
all."
"You have tried hard?"
"Of course I have. And I think I'm like a filleted hat-pin."
"Oh, no. No, you're not at all like a filleted hatpin. But
you stoop a little, dear. However, that'll be overcome as the
sap comes up the stalk; the droop will disappear then, and the
whole contraption become less—less green. It's funny, but
Nature sometimes completes her sculpturing of a woman in
seventeen years, and sometimes she dawdles much longer over
the work. If she's anything like me, she dawdles over those
she wants to make best. We'll wait till you're twenty, Duffy,
and see what you're like then."
The mind that she took back to Hemans House was like a
shop whose stock has been largely altered. New goods were
stored where the religion had been. They were goods of which
she knew the labels and the pictured covers better than the
contents. The labels were ever pleasant to handle: "More
advanced schools of thought," "In advance of the age in which he
lived," "A Leader of the Left," "The School of William
Morris"; and the pictures and designs showed Cobden and Bright
on their platforms hypnotizing great audiences; Ruskin worrying
Utilitarianism with the rumble of his thunderous periods;
Swinburne singing melodious blasphemies to the dishonour of
God and the glory of Man; and Friedrich Nietzsche (succulent
mouthful) coming up like a wind from Germany.
She wanted to be a Leader of the Left. And why not? Quite
obviously Miss Vidella was the very type of a reactionary,
and equally obviously Daphne had always led a more advanced
school. The—the school of Daphne Bruno. She was in
advance of the system in which she moved.
Take the question of hockey, which she had been playing
in holidays with most flattering success. Miss Vidella's absurd
prohibition of the game was a piece of tyranny that ought to
be resisted. Hemans House awaited a Liberator. A Risorgimento.
Remembering Cobden and Bright on their rostrums, she decided,
after a discussion with the elder girls, that they must
have a political meeting. Who would speak? Well, anyone
who had anything to say; she, if they liked, would mount the
platform first. Only the elder girls would be regarded as
possessing the full rights of citizens and allowed to attend. It
sounded a jolly game, and these elder girls assembled eagerly
in an empty class-room at the advertised hour and pushed
themselves into desks or along the form that stretched in front
of the desks under the mistress's low platform. In the middle
of this form sat Daphne with her legs crossed.
"We ought to have a chairman," said she, when nobody
seemed to know what was going to happen next.
"Oh, yes, let's have a chairman," said a very lanky girl,
Viola Rance, and she instanced her neighbour: "Queenie
Dutroit'll be chairman."
"No, I shan't," snapped Queenie, horrified at the
suggestion that she should do anything more public than sitting where
she was.
"I vote old Viola's chairman herself," called a girl who, being
at the back and rather small, was in no danger of being thrust
into the position.
"Yes, yes," endorsed several; and Queenie added, "Yes, she's
so ready to suggest others, let her do the chairmaning
herself."
Daphne, to push matters on, started a clapping of her hands,
with the result, as she expected, that every girl did the same;
and Viola, not displeased, though very red and inclined to giggle,
slid flexuously on to the platform and into the mistress's chair
behind the writing-table. The applause stopped, and the chairman
looked down at Daphne in the front row and asked:
"But what do I do?"
"You introduce me."
Viola got up, giggled, and sat down in red confusion.
"Don't be an ass, Vi," grumbled Daphne. "If you'd any
gumption you'd have entered into the spirit of the thing and
said, 'Ladies and gentlemen, I have much pleasure in introducing
our first speaker for this evening, Miss Daphne Bruno.'"
Viola immediately got up and raced through this sentence,
though the last words were drowned in the rising tide of the
giggle.
Then Daphne stepped on to the platform. No one had the
wit or the courage to start the conventional applause; and
when she turned and faced the audience she saw only a roomful
of girls, some of whom were gaping at her and some sniggering
as if they thought she looked rather a fool. She felt
disappointed and sad. Why was it that, whether you were
creating books or organizing picturesque demonstrations, it was
so much easier to see them in dreams than to give them form.
The ideas for a speech that had foggily filled her head thinned
into nothing. She picked up something off the writing-table,
put it back again, and began without heart:
"Well, it's like this. It's—I mean, I think we ought to have
hockey. All the other decent schools are."
Not another word could she think of. She saw nothing but
a horrid hiatus before her. If only some of those staring girls
would say "Hear, hear!" But though it had probably occurred
to many of them, all were too nervous of making fools of
themselves. And indeed there was nothing more to say. Not being
practised in political oratory, Daphne had expressed the origin
and the business of the meeting, the reason of her speaking and
the views which the audience had brought with them and which
they would take away, in twenty words and ten seconds. But
it seemed to her a sickly failure, and with a big effort she threw
some more words into the awful lacuna.
"It's a topping game. Other schools are playing hockey, and
I think we ought to have hockey too."
Some one giggled at the back, and fortunately this stirred
temper, and temper stirred speech.
"I don't see anything funny in it. Giggling never did anything
yet. It's perfectly piffling to go for a walk when we might
be playing hockey. What I vote is that we all go in a sort of
deputation and ask Miss Vidella to let us play hockey this term.
If she gives in—which isn't likely—she'll probably only treat
us to some of her celebrated queenly sarcasm; and if she
refuses we shall have to organise a sort of secret intrigue to force
her hand—a Liberationist Society, if you like. Like the
National Assembly in France. Or the Risorgimento. I've got a
plan of action in the event of it coming to that. I think we
could all write to our parents asking them to support the general
desire for hockey, and simply get her flooded with letters. I've
got her absolutely weighed up, and I'm dead certain that she'd
never say 'No' to the majority of the parents. It's always the
same; these things only want the courage and—and some one to
make a start. Just you see. If we have the grit to hold out
we shall win."
It was not at all a bad speech, thought Daphne, and for its
crown needed only a burst of applause. But nothing followed
it except an embarrassed silence, and when that was getting
too uncomfortable, an upward glance from the chairman, with
the question:
"What do I do now, Dafs?"
"Oh, you can ask if anybody has any comment to make on
what they have heard."
Viola stood slightly.
"Has anybody any comment to make on——" But it sounded
to her so silly that the rest of the sentence was lost in the giggle
with which, blushingly, she resumed her chair.
Nobody had anything to say; most were laughing at Viola.
Daphne stepped off the platform and sat again on the form
in front, crossing her legs and grasping her knee.
"Is that all?" inquired the chairman, when she saw the
principal speaker disappearing like that.
"Oh, I suppose so."
"Well, what happens now?"
"Oh, you can ask them if they agree to what I have said, to
show it by holding up their hands."
Daphne knew that when the question was put all would want
to hold up their hands and all would wait for some one else to
do it first, so she flung up her own, and looking round, saw a
forest of arms, many of which were waving about and trying
to be funny.
"Ask if any one disagrees."
"Any one dis-agree?"
Not a soul. No one was likely to make herself so
conspicuous.
"Well, what happens now?"
Daphne shrugged. Her imagination was vividly showing
her what a good chairman might have made of this triumph.
"Oh, tell them the meeting's adjourned."
"The meeting's adjourned," said Viola, and, giggling, she
jumped off the platform.
The minute the meeting was adjourned everybody had an
undelivered speech to deliver. They stood in a group round
Daphne and argued the question. It ended in her plan being
adopted and a deputation formed to wait on the head mistress.
Daphne was at once proud and nervous as she led her deputation
the next day, just before lunch, into Miss Vidella's room.
Miss Vidella was sitting at a little writing-table. She watched
this entry of half a dozen girls with lifted eyebrows.
"What is it you want, dears? I am very busy."
"We want to know—we wanted to ask you," began Daphne,
"on behalf of all the girls, if you would let us play hockey this
term?"
Miss Vidella stared at the speaker. She removed her spectacles
and held them in her fat hand on the table. That she
was angry there could be no doubt, and that she was thinking
out some sarcasms like a dentist selecting his sharp little tools.
"Have you ever played hockey in the Christmas term?"
Daphne was obliged to answer "No."
"Have you ever played hockey any term?"
"No."
"Then why should you play hockey this term? I am not
clear on the point, Daphne dear."
"We thought perhaps if we petitioned you, you would let us."
Miss Vidella replaced her spectacles on her nose as if the
point could now be studied more closely. The point, it appeared,
was in the middle of Daphne's face.
"Have I ever, on being petitioned, allowed you to do
anything unladylike?"
Daphne couldn't very well point out to her that the epithet
"unladylike" was a Petitio Principii, or Begging of the
Question, so she murmured, "No."
"If you were to come to me, one by one, and say: 'Dear
Miss Vidella, may I do something which you consider
unlady-like?' would not my answer be: 'No, my dear, not at Hemans
House'?"
She had acted the "No, my dear," with its inclination of the
head, to an imaginary girl at her side, and now turned to Daphne
for her reply.
"Yes—I suppose so."
"Well, would not the answer that I give to you severally be
the answer that I give to you all together?"
Daphne was confused, and said again: "I suppose so."
"Then I am not at all clear as to what is the idea of your
coming in such a funny little group as this. Run away, my
dears, and get ready for your dinners. I am very busy, and
have no time just now to play with you in your strange little
games."
As the deputation moved out, Daphne felt furious. It was
the only thing to feel if you were not to feel foolish.
"I told you nothing would come of that," she said hastily,
to forestall any criticism of her leadership, "nothing except a
performance by Petsy. But I never expected anything to. That
was only a flourish. It's the next step that matters. I'm
perfectly determined to beat her on this matter. And I should
think that you would be after she's tried to make fools of you
like that."
The letter to the parents, outlined by Daphne, she thought
exceedingly well done. As a politician she saw the skilfulness
of the phrase, "give your support to the request of many other
parents"; and as an authoress with some idea of emotional effect,
she was particularly satisfied with the postscript, "Please
do." No kindly parent would resist that.
When Miss Vidella watched the flooding in of requests from
fathers and mothers that, if possible, hockey might be taught to
their girls, she was more than flustered—she was frightened.
To be queenly with a deputation of tongue-tied pupils was one
thing, but to resist a concerted movement by parents was quite
another. It could not be done. The difficulty was how to
yield to the parents without seeming to eat the sarcasms she
had offered to the deputation. She squeezed through this
awkward pass by saying to the assembled school, one day before
lunch:
"I understand now that when some of the elder girls waited
on me last week with a request for the institution of hockey,
they did so at the suggestion of their parents. If the girls
had been wiser they would have made this clear. I think it
very right and proper of your parents to trust you to come and
tell me all that they consider desirable for your welfare, and
to know that I shall always give every attention to their wishes.
I may in this case doubt the wisdom of their opinion, but I
understand that it must take precedence over mine. The request
will therefore be conceded. I understand that Miss Bellamy
has a knowledge of the game, and that, according to her, our
present field will be large enough. I will therefore order an
adequate supply of the necessary implements, and hope you will
be able to try your hands at this new recreation in a day or
two. I shall, of course, be there to supervise your play at so
dangerous a game."
She moved away to a chorus of "Thank you, Miss Vidella."
Daphne knew that every girl had thrown at her a swift
glance, and she tried to cover her feelings with a mask of
unconcern. The smile that broke through her control, and fought
with her lips, was rather one of nervousness at being looked at
than of exultation in a triumph. Her glow was mixed with
a knowledge not wholly pleasant that she had never so completely
despised her head mistress. In such contempt, as in the
deeps of a pool, lay possibilities of which she could feel herself
afraid.
Miss Bellamy was now dressed in an unexpected importance,
and very conscious of it. A stout, bustling woman of thirty-five,
she fussed about, equipping the two teams which were to
make the first venture into the new game, marking the field with
their aid, and explaining on a blackboard the principles of
hockey to those who had everything to learn. And the day of
the first trial, a golden afternoon in St. Luke's Summer, she
led the girls to their field as excitedly as any of them. Miss
Vidella followed less easily and happily. And Daphne, who
throughout the preparations had been as officious and
explanatory as Miss Bellamy, declared that Petsy had come simply and
solely to make herself a nuisance. She would probably stand
on the touch line and worry the game like a fat puppy who was
feeling rather sick.
It was an accurate prophecy. When all the girls were in
their places, and Miss Bellamy had done pushing them there,
or pointing all over the field with her whistle, Daphne shouted:
"Shall I bully off with Viola?"
And Miss Vidella at once raised her voice.
"'Bully off.' I do wish you wouldn't talk slang, Daphne
dear. You know I have never tolerated it. 'Bully off' is a
phrase that I have never heard, and do not wish to hear again."
"But it's the correct term, Miss Vidella."
"It really is," endorsed Miss Bellamy, who had rushed up to
bring an expert's advice to the solution of a difficulty.
"Dear me"—Miss Vidella lifted her shoulders resignedly—"what
unpleasant terms these rough games do employ!"
They bullied off, and the game swung into noisy life. Its
two most conspicuous performers were Daphne and Miss Bellamy.
Daphne was early captured by it, mind and body. She
was nearly always in possession of the ball, and the repeated
running had damped her forehead and shortened her
breathing; she felt the rises of her breast, and a delightful dryness
and thirst stabbing her low down in the throat. There was a
breeze that would not have been perceptible but for the dampness
on her brow, and when it touched that, it strangely heightened
her pleasure. It carried fugitive thoughts of long drinks,
the spray of the sea, or immersion in bath or lake. Once she
had fallen heavily, and the smell of dried earth on her palm
toned exactly with the thirst, the quick breathing, the sting of
gathering blisters, and the coldness on her temples. Health
and optimism had become sensuous things. And how was it
that these sensations, though within her, were at one with
remembered things without—with firelight on old wood, mellow
evenings, birds and squirrels, and sentences in Hans Andersen:
"She flew away as if she were flying straight into the sun"—with
all those things that she must capture and put into
books?
Miss Bellamy rushed about, with her whistle at her teeth or
in her hand. When she wasn't blowing the whistle, she was
shouting: "Keep your places! Pass the ball—oh, for goodness'
sake pass it sometimes. Now then, Evelyn! Played! Oh,
played indeed!" Probably she wanted to impress the pupils
and the principal. And certainly she impressed Miss Vidella—but
very unfavourably. There was an abnormal second when
she was standing at rest to watch a scramble near Miss Vidella,
and Miss Vidella took the opportunity to begin, "I can't think,
Miss Bellamy, that it's necessary to shout at the children so";
but just then Miss Bellamy saw a crass error in the play, shot
out a pointing forefinger, and blew her whistle imperiously.
"Sticks! Sticks! Sticks!" she cried. "Madeline you mustn't
lift your stick above your shoulder."
"Come on—that's a free hit," shouted Daphne. "Chuck us
the pill."
It was useless wishing she hadn't said it, for Miss Vidella
was already calling.
"Daphne dear. Come here. What was that you said?"
"I said, 'Chuck us the pill'."
Miss Vidella nodded.
"I thought those were the words. Well, I am so ignorant
of this game that I do not know if that is the prescribed
expression. Is it?"
"Well—no."
"You mean, it was slang?"
"Yes, I suppose so."
"Precisely. And I cannot allow the elder girls to set such
an example to the younger ones. Besides, it is great disrespect
to Miss Bellamy to use language like that in a game of which
she is in charge. Let me hear you apologise to her."
Daphne's first impulse was to throw down her stick and walk
off, but she remembered the delight of the game, and determined
not to be robbed of it by any pomposity of Miss Vidella. And
she so far obeyed her head mistress as to turn to Miss Bellamy
and mutter: "Miss Vidella says I'm to apologise to you." Miss
Bellamy smiled an acknowledgment, and a bow from the head
mistress indicated that she was satisfied, and the game might
proceed.
Daphne had no wish to offend a second time, and for the
rest of the game, except for the very last minute, managed to
play and shout without being called to order. She had, in fact,
forgotten her anger with the head mistress, so exciting was the
struggle. The two goals won by her side, in defiant answer
to two won by their opponents, had been scored by herself,
and the girls were saying: "No wonder you wanted to play
hockey so as to show off." Her face and neck were streaming,
and her body seemed to have been fitted with a new and different
breathing system. Frequently she wiped her forehead with her
sleeve, or tossed the wet hair-wisps out of her eyes. If she
was not driving the ball herself she was shouting encouragement
and praise to the others. "Oh, played! ... I say, well
played! ... Look out! ... Billow!" Her will and every
faculty were set upon securing the third goal before the
shrieking and perspiring Miss Bellamy should sound her whistle for
the last time. The low slant of the sunlight and the stretching
of the shadows told her that time was very short. Any second
now might end the game. The matter was desperate;
there was a look of evening over the field. Her stick perpetually
reached the ball and forced it through a jumble of confused
amateurs, while Miss Bellamy shouted: "Keep your places!
Keep your places, all of you!" and Miss Vidella could be heard
muttering a dislike of the worse scrimmages. At last Daphne
won through with the ball, and came down the side-line with
irresistible impetus, confident that now on the very sound of
the whistle she was going to score her third goal. She had a
faint impression of Miss Vidella stepping back from the
touch-line so as to be out of danger. So fierce was her rush that
the opposing full-back, frenzied with ignorance and dismay,
hit her with great force on the shin. In the moment of sharp
pain, Daphne flung her stick anywhere, and muttered: "Oh,
damn! damn!"
All around her heard, and cast quick glances at the head
mistress. All were probably feeling the satisfaction of being
present when something really serious had happened. The head
mistress, no doubt, was the most satisfied of all, because there
are few happinesses so great as the first enjoyment of
indignation.
"Miss Bellamy. Miss Bellamy," she shrieked to the referee,
who, from her distance, was shouting encouragement to this
waning corner of the game. "Miss Bellamy, stop the game."
"Play on, you girls," shouted Miss Bellamy. "Don't stand
there as if you were afraid of the ball. Keep the ball moving,
for goodness' sake."
"Do nothing of the sort," commanded Miss Vidella. "Don't
touch the ball. Miss Bellamy"—Miss Bellamy was running,
whistle in mouth, to solve the problem that was hindering the
game—"I have instructed the girls to stop. They are very
rightly too shocked to continue. I wish them to stop. Please
blow that whistle, if that is the way such a game is brought to
an end."
Miss Bellamy, bewildered, sounded her whistle and stood near
to witness a public censuring.
Daphne, after rubbing her shin, walked to her hockey stick,
slightly exaggerating her limp, picked it up and examined its
binding.
"Daphne.... I hardly know how to speak to you. For
fifteen years I have given my life to the education and guidance
of my schoolgirls, but never till this day have I heard one
of them—I cannot bring myself to say it—heard one of them
use such a word as passed your lips just now. I pray I shall
never be asked to live through that moment again. I—and all
these dear girls, I believe—are humiliated and ashamed. You,
too, I dare believe, are also deeply ashamed."
"Well, I don't see why I should have been hit on the shins
for nothing. It'd have been a goal if——"
"Go back to the school. I confess I know not how to deal
with you. I confess to being beaten by you. Fortunately there
is no precedent in my experience which enables me to deal
adequately on the spur of the moment with your offence. You
are a girl whom it seems impossible to influence or guide. If
all the affection and sympathy and gentle correction of the last
few years"—Daphne made an obvious "Pooh!" with her lips—"has
been unavailing to soften your nature, I know no other
methods. They have always been those of Hemans House.
Go back to the school and wait in your bedroom. I shall have to
consider how to deal with you. I feel I shall have to write to
your dear father——" Daphne was disposed to reply: "I
should. It'll amuse him frightfully." "And do not attempt to
see any other girls. I cannot have them taught your dockyard
oaths.... This evening I will..."
But Daphne had not waited for the rest.
Miss Vidella frightened herself more than her pupil
when she announced that she would write to Mr. Tenter
Bruno. The whole school had heard her say she would do a
thing which she particularly did not want to do. The Bruno
girl had still, presumably, another year to spend at her school
and to bring in good fees, and it would be unwise to give her
father the impression that she was getting too big and obstreperous
for the place. There must be no quarrel with Mr. Bruno,
for she wanted his name as a reference. Besides, she was
thoroughly afraid of his brilliant modern mind. And somewhere
behind her indignation peeped the thought that the offence was
not really as bad as her posing required her to treat it. After
a tea-time spent in deliberation she decided that discretion must
masquerade as mercy. She climbed the stair to the little single
bedroom which Daphne, as one of the elder girls, now enjoyed.
She was primed with words of austere forgiveness, but when
she saw that the criminal was lolling on the bed and reading a
book, anger made her command:
"Get off that bed at once."
Daphne got off slowly.
"Now put it straight."
Daphne did so.
"You are, indeed, Daphne, a difficult child. I came upstairs
disposed to limit my chastisement of you to words of kindness
and advice, and I find you apparently insensible to the gravity of
your offence. I intended to say that I would not hurt your
dear father by a report of your behaviour, but——"
"I don't mind if you write to him or not."
This was dreadful. The girl was pushing her into the stream
of events she desired to escape.
"You don't care? Have you no affection for him?"
"Yes, heaps; but I don't think he'll die of anything you can
tell him."
"Are you being impudent, Daphne?"
"I don't know."
"I do."
"Then why do you ask?"
Miss Vidella stared at her, flounced to the door, and said: "I
shall most certainly write to your father. I shall do it this
moment," and thus made her exit. Yes, she would write that
letter at once. Its phrasing shaped in her mind. Like all weak
people she was easily made apprehensive lest some one was
questioning her strength. A strong gesture was pleasing. Now
that her hand had been forced she was proud that she was going
to write to Mr. Bruno. The school should know that she had
written to Mr. Bruno, and realise that when she said she'd do
a thing she did it.
One person was thrilled by the news of Daphne Bruno's
disgrace and confinement. Miss Sims, always curiously exultant
when her favourite was punished, saw herself coming to her in
prison with sympathy and undiminished faith. Her heart beat
quickly as she approached the bedroom where Daphne was
isolated. Opening the door with a "May I come in?" she saw
the girl sitting on the bed with one heel beneath her, writing
something. This was disappointing. Miss Sims had encouraged
the idea that she would be crying. "She's been made hard and
callous," thought Miss Sims. "She will be better softened.
Gentleness will soften her."
"Hallo," said Daphne, looking up. She folded over the letter
she had been writing.
"Duffy dear. What has been happening? I could not bear
to think of you up here."
"Oh, Miss Vidella has been doing a little acting. She thinks
she's being very fine and strong. I'm enjoying myself
immensely."
A pity she adopted this defiant attitude. Miss Sims liked
to minister to soft and broken things. And the Character never
listened to disloyalty.
"Hush, dear. You know I never listen to rebellious muttering."
... She sat down beside the girl. "Why did you utter
such a word? After all, you are a girl who will always exercise
a great influence over those younger than yourself, and you
have them to consider."
Daphne looked away, and Miss Sims knew that this veiled
flattery was the way to conquer her. She spent a very happy
few minutes, giving counsel to the girl, with her heart going
out to her as she did so; she pointed out how much it behoved
one who was plainly a nature of strong passions to learn control
in small things, and she saw that Daphne liked being called a
nature of strong passions, and was thinking of Miss Sims as the
one person who understood her.
"I know, Miss Sims. But why couldn't Miss Vidella talk to
me properly—like you do—instead of making an Aunt Sally of
me before half the school. She said I was difficult to influence.
I am not, am I? You know."
It was a sweet moment for Miss Sims.
"I have never found you so, dear."
"Of course not, because you're always so understanding. But
she always tries to humiliate me before the whole school, and
now she declares she's going to write a lot of lies to father."
"Hush, dear. I think she may be unduly severe, but I can see
her point of view."
"She hasn't got a point of view, except the one that goes
with her part. I'm writing to father too.... Oh, Miss Sims,
would you—would you post it for me?"
Miss Sims smiled tolerantly, but really the request gave her
much pleasure. It was picturesque, this taking of a missive
from an offender in prison.
"I will certainly, dear. There can be no harm in your father
hearing what you have to say."
"Oh, that's topping of you."
Daphne added something to her letter, and folded it up and
give it to Miss Sims.
"Thank you, dear," said the governess. "And if there is
anything else you need, or I can do for you—bring you books
or anything——" Her guilty ear detected a step on the landing
outside, and she rose. It was not done hastily, for her
desire to impress Daphne with her serenity and fearlessness was
stronger than her fear of being caught by Miss Vidella. But
her heart, which fortunately could not be seen, was beating
faster.
"I will take it for you now. Good-bye for the time being,
dear."
She stooped and kissed her favourite.
The next morning over his breakfast Mr. Bruno read of Miss
Vidella's pain at being obliged to report that she had had
occasion to deal severely with his daughter, and of her desire that
he also would write a word of reproof. Daphne had employed
on the hockey field language which could not be set on paper,
and Miss Vidella wrote in the sure knowledge that her father's
rebuke would carry very great weight with dear Daphne, and
that, since this outbreak suggested that she had met with
unsuitable companions in her vacations, he would doubtless wish to
be informed of the matter.
"Gracious goodness!" smiled Mr. Bruno, at the ponderous
and lumbering phrases. "What on earth can the depraved child
have said?"
And all the contraband language that he could think of
seemed beautifully funny as passing from one of her pupils
to Miss Vidella.
Then he picked up an envelope written in the schoolgirl hand
of his daughter.
"Ah, now perhaps we shall know. Duffy will doubtless
strengthen herself to write the obscene word."
His butter-knife sliced the flap, and he read:
"DARLING FATHER,—Miss Vidella says she is going to write
to you about the crimes of your daughter. I don't know if
the old pig really meant it, but in case she does I thought I'd
get in first. Her only accusation is that I have used slang and
one swear word. I don't think the slang business will upset
you much because you say in 'The Decay of Romanticism' that
slang is often the natural, urgent poetry of a vital
people." ("Good heavens!" thought Mr. Bruno, "she must have copied
the sentence straight out of the book.") "And you give examples
that you say are Shakespearean in their aptness, energy
and high compression, and you say further on that those who use
slang brilliantly are often more vivacious and dynamic minds
than those who stagnate in a mould of stilted phraseology like
Miss Vidella. I quite agree with you, as I do with most of what
you have written. And I am not saying this just because I want
you to side with me, but because I really do. Old Petsy could
no more think of that about slang than she could fly. That is
really rather witty about her flying, as you would understand
if you could see her. But the swear word will probably not
please you so well. What happened was this. I felt that Miss
Vidella was reactionary in her ban on hockey, and that it was
time Hemans House advanced a little, so as to be abreast of
modern ideas, and I accordingly led a successful agitation for
reform in the matter. That, of course, stuck in her gizzard, and
I'm sure she came on to the hockey field determined to spoil
the game. What I blame myself for is not swearing so
much"—(Mr. Bruno read this sentence again before murmuring: "Duffy,
Duffy, you're getting dangerously ambiguous")—"as giving the
old cat an opening. Annie Hurst, silly little ass, caught me an
awful whack on the shin, and before I knew what had happened,
I said 'O damn!' which you often say when the soup-plate is
hot. That was all, and it's really painful, a whack on the
shin-bone with a hockey stick, and I've got a huge bruise and what
looks like a little dent in the bone. That side of it doesn't
seem to have struck Miss Vidella.
"Daddy, I have got a suggestion. If you think it wise to
come down and rebuke me, couldn't we do it at a tea-shop and
have a jolly afternoon together?
"Daddy, I'm reading 'Park and Pavement,' and I like it
awfully. It's your best book, I think, in my humble opinion.
But then I think that of each one as I read it. I'm in disgrace
in my bedroom, and enjoying myself awfully. It's been fun
writing to you.—Yours awfully,
"DUFFY."
"P.S.—I have been wondering how I was going to post this,
but an awfully decent mistress is going to post it for
me.—D. D. T. B."
The effect of Daphne's letter on her father was similar to
that which she unconsciously used to work when she burst
uninvited into his gaze. There was an immediate quickening of his
love, a flavour of self-reproach that he passed so much time
away from her, and, as he pictured her sitting on her bed
and writing to him, a stirring of the heart that was almost
painful.
"Oh, damn! That prehistoric old fool shan't persecute her.
She shall swear if she likes. That is to say, she shall do
nothing of the sort, for it would spoil her charm. But she's my
daughter, and beginning to stand, I fancy, in much the same
relation to that slow-going vehicle, her school, as I do to society
to-day. I like to think it. With all her ignorance and
immaturity she's too dynamic for her surroundings. I must
write, I suppose. No, damn it, I'll go and see her, and the
absurd place as well. If it's as I imagine, we must do something
better for her."
It was impossible for him to be other than courteous, and he
wrote to Miss Vidella thanking her for her thoughtfulness,
telling her that he would like to come and see her the next
afternoon and requesting her to be so good as to inform Daphne
of his intentions. His kindest regards concluded the letter.
Miss Vidella was delighted. Her strong action was justified.
Evidently Mr. Tenter Bruno, since he was coming in person,
shared her distress and approved her discretion. She began to
phrase the high commendation he would give when sought as
a reference for Hemans House. "I shall ever be grateful for
Miss Vidella's watchful care of my own daughter." And after
prayers that mornings she announced to the assembled school:
"I have just received a letter from Mr. Tenter Bruno, who
will visit the school this afternoon." She left that to sink in.
The children would instantly guess why he was coming, and be
impressed with the seriousness of a recent incident and the
strong hand of their principal. "And, girls, I hope he will
come and see you at your work. Mr. Tenter Bruno, as you
all know, is a writer with an international reputation, and you
will like to remember that he visited you at your school. It
will also interest your parents."
Mr. Bruno arrived about three o'clock; and after an interview
in the reception room which was chiefly used by Miss
Vidella to explain how fond she was of dear Daphne and hoped
to make a great success of her, and by Mr. Bruno in mental
generalizations suggested by such a type as this head mistress,
he was left alone in a saddle-bag chair to await his daughter.
She burst in, most obviously dressed to receive him. And
because she was tall, and he unused to such an interview, he
rose like an embarrassed guest to greet her. After the fat,
black, pompous figure of the head mistress, she came with
something like a shock of contrast; he saw the roundness of
her head under its brown hair newly brushed, the freshness of
her eyes and cheeks, the smallness of her neck, and the
fast-refining outline of her body and her limbs. The critic in him,
as well as the father, approved it all. Wonderful how she
could move him sometimes! In the chamber of his anti-sentimental
brain, moving without guilt among the censors there,
was the thought: "You are mine ... you came from me
... Daphne."
"Hallo, Daddy!"
She rose on her toes to kiss him, and he gave her waist a hug.
"So you've been using the language of the tap-room to that
strange old woman."
"I haven't," denied Daphne, "I told you exactly what I
said."
"Good heavens, miss! And wasn't that outrageous in a
slender girl?"
"No, not considering the hefty blow I got on my leg. I
often say 'Oh, damn!' to myself, as I'm sure everybody does,
and that time it came out aloud. And with good reason, too.
Just look here." And she made as if to remove her stocking.
"No, no, no. Don't show me anything unpleasant. Besides,
you've got it all wrong, Duffy. The idea of the strange old
lady isn't so much that you should show me some trifling bruise
on your shin, as that I should talk to you about the really
serious bruise on my heart. That a daughter of mine should
say—such words! You mustn't, Duffy; for you're in danger
of becoming a—a beautiful creature, and it's out of harmony
for one of that pattern to use squalid words. The whole product
is not homogeneous. It's bad art."
"Well," said his daughter. "That's the most sensible way I've
ever heard it put."
"Yes, and——However.... How old are you, Duffy?"
"Seventeen for all practical purposes."
"Well, I have a practical purpose. Let us sit down and talk
it over. Are you allowed to sit in this room?"
They seated themselves, and he told her of a scheme that
he had been pondering in the train. And because it was one
that he knew she would love, he could only approach it through
a cloud of raillery. Publicity, he said, was a very subtle
question, and if in the past he had been seen in public with so
ordinary a daughter as she, the sale of his books would
doubtless have suffered. But now she had changed, and every year
she would become of greater and greater publicity value. He
felt he would like to have her with him as much as possible.
He didn't believe this droll school had anything more to give
her, and she could probably do much better, since the taste for
less frivolous reading seemed to have come, enjoying the free
run of his library and having some music lessons at home. Not
that there would be much time for that, because he had long
wanted to spend a year in Paris, and proposed taking her there
next year. In Paris he would put her on her honour to study
the French language and squeeze all the knowledge that was
to be squeezed out of picture galleries, historic buildings, the
Opéra and the Comédie Française. In the summer they would
wander in Switzerland and down into Italy, and as the weather
cooled make tracks for Rome.
"Daddy!" interrupted Daphne. "Oh, do you mean it? Lord,
I'm glad I swore. What an awful suck for Petsy!"
He smiled as he watched her enthusiasm.
"But mark you, the first time you swear, you'll be sent
back to Windsor, and doubtless to your bedroom there."
"And may I go home with you to-day?"
"Don't be so heady, my dear. Or I shall decide that you
are still very immature, and leave you to your pothooks for
another year. You can finish at the end of this term."
"Oh, well, I can stick that out.... Daddy, how glorious!"
She jumped up and kissed him in gratitude.
"But you must promise to stay with me a little while," stipulated
he, "and not marry the first lout that comes lopping up
the drive. Say a couple of years at least.... Yes, and now
come and be reprimanded at this pastry shop."
"Oh, but first you've got to go round and see the girls at their
lessons. I think Miss Vidella wants to show you off, but
whether she wants to or not, I do."
"Oh d——. Yes, I was about to use your favourite oath.
Yes, the singular old woman did mention something of the sort.
But is it really necessary?"
"Absolutely. Several of the elder girls are reading your
books, and, though they don't understand them as well as I
do, they are anxious to see what you look like. Besides, I want
them to see that you are not angry or anything, and that Miss
Vidella's sneaking has hopelessly failed."
They passed into the passage. And the opening of their
door was the signal for another to open and emit the head
mistress. Mr. Bruno felt his daughter immediately take hold
of his arm.
"Oh, before you go," said the head mistress, "you promised
to visit my dear girls. They will appreciate a visit from you
so much."
"Well, so long as I'm not expected to address them," he
began.
"Oh, no, certainly not," assured Miss Vidella.... "Daphne
dear, you had better go to your class-room."
Mr. Bruno felt the hold on his arm tightened.
"But father's taking me out to tea."
It was a moment of strain. Clearly the head mistress was
at a loss what to say, though the words behind her eyes said:
"I think such a reward to the child most unsuitable." Mr. Bruno
hastened to ease the atmosphere by turning to his daughter
with a reproof: "If Miss Vidella is kind enough to consent,
you mean." ... And then to Miss Vidella, with the request:
"Having come so far, I trust you will allow me to keep her
for the afternoon."
The head mistress bowed austerely, and led the way to the
schoolrooms, while Daphne whispered:
"Tell her I'm leaving at the end of the term, do."
"My dear, I couldn't possibly tell her to her face. I never
could say anything that was the least unpleasant. I'll write it
to her."
"Oh, stuff! She's much more afraid of you than you are of
her."
"It's impossible."
All the voyage through the class-rooms she was hanging
ostentatiously on his arm.
The first hour of their companionship in the town was very
happy, but then supervened a thing that worried and saddened
him; his daughter's prattle over the tea-cups palled, and he
became a-fidget to get home to his books. Hardly hearing what
she said, he began to deplore his intolerance of immature minds
that had no ideas or stimulations to give him—whether they
were adult minds or children's. Love ought to enable him
to come out of himself and listen. But he had lost the power.
Only with intellects of his own order, or with books, could he
establish correspondence.... Still, she would improve, and be
his most valuable companion one day.
He looked at his watch and began to discuss his train.
All that evening and the next day Daphne was covertly
bragging: "Father's taking me away.... I'm to travel with him
instead of coming back to school. We're going to Paris for
a year, and then to Switzerland and Italy and Rome.... I
shall probably keep house for him." To her more intimate
friends she added: "You must come and stay with us sometimes." The
news, told in confidence to the girls, created interest,
but no dismay—she was not popular enough for that.
Each day she scanned Miss Vidella's face for some evidence
that her father's letter had come. And when a whole week had
passed with no trace of a nasty shock behind the steel spectacles,
a dread seized her lest his glorious plan, now that she was
remote, had been shelved. In suspense she wrote to inquire if
he had sent his letter, and, if not, to urge him to do so. "Daddy
darling, Have you written about that business? If you haven't,
I don't think you should delay. Oh, I do want to do all you
said, and travel with you...."
His reply was a confession that, owing to pressure of work,
he had neglected to write. "But I've just written the letter,
and it will be posted with this one. Sorry you've been
worrying, but it was my fault. Peccavi, peccavi, peccavissimi,
as the monk said whose penitence was in excess of his Latin."
Then Miss Vidella had taken the knock this very morning.
Daphne studied her to see how she looked after it. There was
no visible difference in her. And the morning and the evening
passed. None of her words or looks could be twisted into
evidence that she knew Daphne Bruno was leaving. This was
Wednesday. Thursday provided no sign. Friday was equally
barren, and by the evening of that day Daphne was in despair,
tears very close to her eyes. "Oh, he said he had written and
posted it. He said he posted it on Tuesday night. He can't
have done it. I won't come back next term. I couldn't, now
I've once heard I wasn't going to. If I have to come back next
term I shall do something desperate."
But on Saturday morning her impatient eyes did detect a new
haughtiness in the carriage of the head mistress when the black
figure swept past her. And after breakfast her waking hopes
were confirmed by Miss Vidella's request: "Daphne, I wish
you would accompany me to the reception-room. I desire to
speak to you."
Oh, this meant everything. She felt exhilarated, triumphant,
free, as she walked behind Miss Vidella. The moment
compensated her for the many times she had walked there in
disgrace. The little, stout, waddling black figure led the way into
the room, and, sitting down, put on spectacles, and took a letter
from the writing-table.
"I am surprised, very much surprised, to receive this morning
a letter from your father saying that he proposes taking you
away at the end of the term."
She looked up from the letter at her pupil who answered with
a sentence she had been longing to use.
"Yes, he told me he was going to the other day when he was
down here."
"Oh, indeed?" Miss Vidella's eyebrows went up and hovered
a second over the top of her spectacles. "A most unusual
proceeding altogether, I think.... Er, did you ask him to do this
thing?"
"No, he suggested it first."
"And why? Is he dissatisfied with the school in any way?
It would be strange if he were, after being content with it for
nearly five years."
"I don't think he ever thought much about it," suggested
Daphne as a solution.
"And what precisely do you desire to convey by that?"
Daphne shrugged her shoulders.
"Is he dissatisfied—now that he has troubled to think about
it?"
She shrugged again. It was so difficult to be outspokenly
rude and say: "Of course he is," and she couldn't think of any
innuendo that would express the same idea.
"Answer me, please. I am anxious to know if you have—if
this school has suffered from any misrepresentation."
"I think he wants me to travel with him. To Paris and
Switzerland and Rome."
"Dear, dear," protested Miss Vidella. "I always find you
dear girls think I am a fool. Such is surely an obvious excuse.
One doesn't decide to go travelling to Paris and Switzerland
and Rome during an afternoon's visit, thus foregoing a term's
fees. Why do you prevaricate, Daphne? Speak the truth."
"Well, I think he does think the school is old-fashioned and
that I'm not doing much good."
"Excellent! Excellent!" nodded Miss Vidella, getting off
her seat. "Well, now we know. Yes, from my humble and
obsolete standpoint, he is right on both scores. It is an old
fashion to object with all the strength one can command to the
use of foul oaths by one's girls—and as you have never shown
any affection or loyalty to your school it cannot be said that you
are doing much good."
"I suppose not."
The rebellious note caused the mistress to stare at her. In
the pause Daphne knew what Miss Vidella was thinking: that,
since there was now no possibility of keeping the Bruno girl,
she could afford to be very strong.
"H'm, I think I see." She nodded meaningly. "I begin to
see. Yes, of course. Your dear father thought that your
position here, after having so disgraced yourself, would be
uncomfortable in the extreme. Your surroundings would always fill
you with shame, and your school-fellows would to a certain
extent reprobate you."
"I don't think they're very concerned about it," fired Daphne,
"and if they were, it wouldn't worry me."
Miss Vidella paid no heed.
"And yes, I see. Your dear father conceived that, after
much thought, I should feel I could not in the interest of my
dear girls keep you here, so he has written first to suggest your
removal, and thus saved me the painful duty of asking him
to take you away."
The blood poured over Daphne's face. She loathed her head
mistress, and seeing through her weakness to its dregs, cared
not what she said.
"You know he doesn't think anything like that. You know
you've only just this moment thought of that. You know you
really want me to stay so that you won't lose a year of my
father's fees. And—and you don't really think it's frightfully
serious if some one says 'damn'; but that it's enormously fetching
to pretend that you do. I dare say you say it to yourself
sometimes. You know you're awfully sick at the idea of my
going, and it's only when you've realised that there's no ghostly
chance of my stopping that you think you had best appear
frightfully strong and get the credit of having expelled me. And if
that—and if you give out that that was the reason of my going,
I shall get my father to write to the papers about this school
and ruin you. They'll any of them publish anything he writes,
and only too glad...."
Miss Vidella had walked to the bell-push, very likely with
some idea that a maid could remove Daphne like a tea-tray.
But Daphne didn't stay. Trembling with fear at what she had
said and with pleasure in it—a heat tingling her cheek-bones,
and her heart thumping—she hurried out, ready to justify
herself to the world.
Miss Vidella was trembling too, and her heart going irregularly.
Never before—not like that—good heavens, no!—the
girl was mad, dangerous—such a thing was unbelievable—not
in all the years—she should go—go at once—people should
see—it made one feel quite sick and faint. What the girl wanted
was to be locked up and thrashed. Thrashed!
The maid knocked, entered, and was pettishly dismissed.
Miss Vidella, recovering, tried to think collectedly. Mr. Tenter
Bruno's reference being irrevocably lost, there was but
one enjoyment left—that of being strong. She would write
at once and demand that he remove his daughter. No relief
could come to her till the words were in ink—till the letter
was posted. With a shaking hand she took note-paper and pen.
"I regret—I regret to have to inform you that your daughter
has again been intolerably insolent, and, as I am quite
unaccustomed to this sort of treatment, I should—I should esteem
It a favour if you would allow her to return to her home at
once. Yours truly...."
That any one should write in that tone to him incensed
Mr. Bruno. "Hell take the woman," he began, and reached for the
bell with a view to dispatching a servant and a wire. But he
stopped as he saw a letter in his daughter's hand. "Poor kid,"
thought he. Impatiently opening it, he read her story of the
head mistress's "nasty suggestion," and her urgent request that
he would write to her some words which she could show to her
friends as proof that she had not been expelled.
"Poor darling! I won't have her worried like a rabbit by
that fat little poodle-bitch. Thank goodness, I can easily supply
her need."
And the following morning Daphne fled with his letter, still
sealed, to a deserted room, and there opened it in suspense.
"MY DEAREST DAPHNE." (She guessed that he had avoided
her nickname lest she were ashamed to show it to her
school-fellows.)
"I think that on the whole the sooner I have you back with
me the better, so that we may prepare for our travels. I wrote
a few days ago to Miss Vidella, telling her that you would not
return after next term—it was last Tuesday I wrote, as I think
I told you in a contemporary letter—and she wrote in reply
begging me to reconsider my decision and not to deprive you
of your last year at Hemans House, which she said was the
most important of all. But I could not agree, and wrote to
that effect. I fear from a letter I received to-day that she is
unreasonably annoyed at my refusal to let you stay, though it
was quite within my rights; so lest she should vent her
displeasure on you, I have written asking that you may return
to-morrow.
"No more at present, for I am very busy.
"Your loving
"FATHER."
"Oh, he's a dear!" exclaimed she. "How wonderfully he's
phrased it! He is clever!"
She could hardly believe she was to go at once. Excitement
jumped her up and led her to the window. As was fitting,
the room to which she had fled looked out upon the drive and
the exit gates in the garden wall. The wall appeared grey and
green, and the sunlight glorious beyond. It was too wonderful
to be true. Suddenly had come to her very feet that free
country, wide and pleasurable, which ten days ago she had hazily
thought of as many troublesome miles ahead. The goal of the
long march of childhood had not waited for her to reach it,
but had come to meet her. And it shone everywhere with
promises: long, indolent reading; hours when one dreamed out
books (the hours best worth living); travels with her father
in places whose names were romances—Paris, Switzerland,
Italy, Rome—Rome! Sooner or later there would be love.
Some one in Paris, perhaps, or in Rome. Among the imperial
ruins, as her imagination created them, she saw his figure
moving—featureless (for one could not decide on his features)
and of vague form (for was he tall or broad or slender?)—just
the grey figure of a youth. Now she was in his arms, and
the thought of it gave her that emptying delight that had
accompanied thoughts of Roger's love. And fame. Fame was in
the distance. It was all incredible. This morning, before
breakfast, a schoolgirl. To-morrow, about ten o'clock, after
running down those hearthstone steps and bowling in a carriage
through those gates, a free, independent, pleasure-seeking,
fame-seeking woman of the world!
To only one person was the news of Daphne's departure a
stunning blow—Miss Sims. To her it came like an unexpected
death sentence.
She had not cared to think what would happen when Daphne
passed out of her life; sufficient that the dread hour was a year
or more away. But ten days ago, without warning, she had
been told that it was only eight weeks away. And Daphne's
excitement and enthusiasm had pained her cruelly. As she
listened to the girl's gaiety she had resolved to suffer without
complaint. That self-pity at least she could enjoy. She took
her pain away to her bedroom, with its tin wash-hand-stand
and its hospital bed. There she dwelt upon it. "Never to see
you again. Never to feel that I am moulding you to a noble
shape." Well, perhaps it was better thus. It was better that
the beloved girl should pass out of her life before she
discovered her governess to be something much smaller and less
wonderful than she had thought. And there was still eight
weeks more to enjoy her.
And now they told her that Daphne Bruno was going
to-morrow morning. Daphne going to-morrow? And as there
had been trouble between her people and the head mistress,
impossible that she should ever come near the school again!
The blow left an ache and confusion that Miss Sims hid all
day behind her teaching and her smiles and her small-talk with
the girls. Something of the serenity that she had acted before
Daphne struggled now to be real, and it did give itself birth.
The next morning, when the carriage came up the drive, she
purposely waited in a little narrow music-room that she might
torture herself, did Daphne go off without seeking her; or
might have her alone, did the girl come.
Daphne burst in, saying she had been looking for her
everywhere.
"Good-bye, dear," said Miss Sims.
"Good-bye, Miss Sims. I don't know how to thank you for
all your kindness."
Kindness! The commonplace word wounded the governess.
"Good-bye, dear. And God bless you—always."
Daphne hesitated, and then stuttered:
"I wanted to say I owe everything to you. That's the absolute
truth. You've been the best thing about my school life. I
mean—oh, but I think I'll try and write it to you."
"Good-bye, Duffy. The memory of you will always be sweet
to me."
She had resolved to say that much to her and no more. A
little more was conveyed in the pressure of her hand and the
kiss she placed on the girl's forehead. Then Daphne had gone,
and Miss Sims's hand had fallen to her side. She stayed in
the music-room till she heard the carriage wheels crunch over
the gravel on to the road. She was racked by the half-knowledge
that, despite Daphne's words, no passionate love or throbbing
pain could be read in her leave-taking. "Thank you for
all your kindness." Cruel mediocrity! "But she will write
the broken-hearted words she could not say." No. It was all
over. A few dwindling letters would come, and they would be
no more than echoes.
She walked out of the narrow music-room into the dark
main passage of the ground floor. Five doors opened on to it,
and a staircase came down from the bedrooms above. It was,
so to think, the centre of Hemans House. One could hear the
murmurous class-rooms, and the halting scales from another
music-room, and the buried clatter in the kitchen. The head
mistress passed from the reception-room, where she had been
taking some sort of farewell of Daphne, to her teaching in the
Fifth Form room. Her voice started, high-pitched and whining.
It was Hemans House, monotonously there, with Miss Sims
in its centre. She had a curious, rather unpleasant thought:
for ever and ever in Daphne's mind Hemans House would have
nothing but a subjective, dreamlike existence, and then only
when she willed to create it in memory. And yet here it was.
Almost one could think of it, and herself moving in it, as
something in an occasional dream of Daphne's.