‘What a donkey I am!’ was the exclamation of a
tall, well-made young man, rather shabbily dressed—four or
five years after the events recorded in the preceding
chapter—as he stood clinging to a lamppost in Fleet Street
very late one bright summer night. ‘I have been to
Fairlop Fair, with instructions to do a gushing article, and
I’m blessed if I can recollect anything about it, nor where
my notes are. I was to be back by ten, and it is now
midnight. Thank Heaven,’ continued the speaker, as he
groped into his coat pocket, ‘my notes are there. I
thought I’d left them behind in that bar-room where I was
waiting, where everyone was so tight and so talkative.
Steady, boy—steady, boy!’ continued the speaker,
reluctantly depriving himself of the support of the
lamp-post. ‘We shall be all right, and in time, after
all.’
Thus summoning his energies, the individual in question
appeared to revive, and moved on with a gait ofttimes deviating
from the straight line, but not so much as to call for special
interference on the part of the police, and with that intense
expression which always accompanies a certain state of alcoholic
inspiration.
Diving down a side-street, he entered a door which seemed to
be open all night long, and which led to the very innermost
recesses of the Daily Journal. Giving a familiar nod
to the porter as he passed by, and steering for a room on an
upper floor, he took off his hat, sat himself down at a
writing-desk, lit his cigar, spread out a sheet of paper before
him, and took a pen in his hand. The furniture of the room
was of the barest description, and mostly aimed at usefulness, rather
than show or comfort or luxury. There were two other men in
the room, but they took no notice of the new-comer, except to ask
him to be quiet, and not to kick up such a row. One was
gorgeously got up in evening dress. He had come from a
dinner at Willis’s Rooms, with a Royal Duke in the
chair. The other was putting the final touch to a thrilling
description of a fire in the Seven Dials, accompanied by great
destruction of property and loss of life.
Thoroughly settling down to his work, the individual to whom I
have already drawn the attention of the reader took out his
note-book, and began studying its contents. At length,
unable to find what he wanted, he exclaimed somewhat
pettishly:
‘Where the dickens are my notes?’
‘Why, in your hat, to be sure, you old fool!’ said
one of the men, who, having finished his report, was preparing to
go home. ‘I saw you put them into your hat directly
you came in.’
‘Well, you’re right,’ said the now sober pressman,
looking into the last-named receptacle. ‘The fact is,
I’ve been lushing,’ said he, ‘a little too
much. Indeed, it was only as I went into the pub, and saw
the people, I could get up anything worth writing
about.’
‘Oh, there is no reason to explain, my dear
fellow,’ replied the gentleman thus addressed.
‘No, but I wish you to understand I am the victim of
circumstances over which I had no control. It was business,
not love of liquor, which reduced me to this state.’
‘Of course. We all know you’re as virtuous
as Father Mathew.’
But here the conversation was interrupted by the appearance of
a small boy, sent by the sub-editor, to know if Mr. Wentworth was
in, as he was waiting for copy.
‘Tell that respected gentleman,’ said the
individual thus alluded to, ‘Mr. Wentworth is in, and in a
few minutes will let him have as much copy as he requires,’
at the
same time handing the boy a few slips for the printers to go on
with.
The boy retired, and the speaker set to work, describing with
great felicity the revelry of the night, and deploring the
drunkenness which interfered with the pleasures of the day, and
which marred the beauties of the sylvan spot. By turns he
was humorous and moral, classical or romantic, and so effective
was the article that it was reprinted next day for gratuitous
circulation, and with a view to prevent the repetition of such
excesses on another occasion, by an ‘Old Teetotaler’
who lived in the neighbourhood of the revelry thus condemned.
‘I think that will fetch the public,’ said the
worthy proprietor of the Daily Journal, as he lingered
over the breakfast-table of his well-furnished mansion in an
aristocratic square next morning. ‘That, my
dear,’ said he to his better-half, ‘is just what the
British public likes—something light and airy, with a moral
tag at the end. We are a very high-souled people, and mere
flippancy soon palls. I never had any fellow for the right
kind of article like poor MacAndrew. What a pity it is that
he drank himself to death! One would have thought he was
good for another ten years. As soon as he died we had quite
a drop in our sale; but since we have got the new hand the sale
has been steadily rising. Most of my writers are getting
too high and mighty, and think a great deal more of themselves
than the public do. But this new hand is more useful.
I fancy he is rather hard up. I know he drinks a good deal,
and as long as that is the case he will be glad to be on the
staff of the Daily Journal.’
‘Well,’ said the lady of the house, ‘ask him
to our next soirée.’
‘I would, but I don’t think he’d care to
come. The Cave of Harmony, or the Cider Cellars, is more in
his line, and, then, there are the girls. I’ll not
have these fellows come here and make love to them.’
‘No danger of that,’ said the proprietor’s
lady. ‘My daughters have been far too well
brought up to fall in love with newspaper writers. It might
do in Paris, but not in London.’
‘Dear old girl,’ said the fond husband,
‘you’ve not got over the prejudices of early
education and the traditions of Minerva House. We’ve
changed all that in these days, when illiterate young noblemen
make a living by scribbling scandals for the weekly journals, or
are found to appear as amateur performers, or, what is worse
still, on the real stage, jostling better men off, while the
tuft-hunters applaud and wise men swear.’
‘Perhaps I am a little faulty,’ replied the
wife. Her father was an old-fashioned City merchant, whose
one standard of merit was wealth, and who thought his daughter
had quite forgotten herself when she fell in love with a man who
had anything to do with newspapers. ‘At any rate, I
am sure I shall be glad to do what is civil to the poor fellow,
should you wish it.’
The poor fellow referred to was our old acquaintance—the
pious youth, the village preacher, the brief occupant of the
pulpit in Sloville. Tottering home to his chambers at early
morn, he met a shabbily-dressed man whom he remembered as a
Fellow of King’s College, Cambridge—a grand scholar,
and one of his old professors.
‘I suppose you’re not got such a thing as a
half-crown to lend a fellow,’ said the ex-professor,
looking, unshorn and unwashed, particularly shady.
‘I’m drying of hunger.’
‘No, I’ve not; but if you come to my chambers in
Clifford’s Inn we’ll have a jolly good
breakfast.’
It is needless to say that the invitation was accepted.
The bachelor’s kettle was brought into play, and some good
coffee was made. Soon the room was fragrant with the scent
of Yarmouth bloaters, as they were being toasted, and after that
came a smoke and some chat. The feast, if not stately, was
satisfying, and the ex-professor, finding no more was to be had,
departed with lingering steps, leaving Wentworth to moralize, ere
he dropped into the arms of Morpheus, upon the strange fate that
had reduced a man of such talent and standing to so low a
condition; and then he went off to sleep, to dream of his early
peaceful and happy home. That is what one never forgets, no
matter what may be his after-life. To the last each of us
may exclaim with Wordsworth:
‘My eyes are filled with childish tears,
My heart is idly stirred,
And the same sounds are in my ears
Which in my youthful days I heard.’
It was well on towards noon when Wentworth woke up,
exclaiming:
‘Ah, if life were a dream, and if dreams were life, what
happiness there would be for poor devils like myself! What
an infernal fool that old professor of mine has been! He
must have played his cards very badly.’
Suddenly, reflecting that he was not much better himself, he
looked at the glass, and was astonished at his seedy
appearance.
‘By Jove,’ said he, ‘this will never
do,’ and hastily dressing himself, he rushed off to
Hampstead Heath for a mouthful of fresh air.
Fleet Street saw no more of him that day. Goldsmith
tells us that, in all his foreign travel, he saw no finer view
than that he enjoyed from the top of Hampstead Heath, and the
view there is still fine, in spite of the damage done by the
smoke of London rising in the distance, and the hostile attacks
of that foe to the picturesque, the speculative builder.
On the Heath Wentworth met a fellow-reporter, looking as gay
and respectable as a rising barrister or successful
physician. He had his wife and children with him.
They nodded to each other, and the lady asked:
‘Who is that shabby, seedy-looking fellow?’
‘Oh, it is Wentworth, of the Daily
Journal.’
‘He looks very sad and miserable.’
‘Of course. He is quite a man about town. I
fancy he drinks more than is good for him, and leads too fast a
life.’
‘What a pity! Has he no friends to look
after him?’
‘I believe not. It is said he was brought up to be
a parson of some kind or other, but he gave it up. He has
plenty of ability, and would do well if he would settle down
quietly. But he will never do that. They tell me he
is quite a vagabond.’
‘Ask him to lunch, and let us see what we can do to
reform him,’ said the lady, with the instinctive
tender-heartedness of her sex.
‘My dear, he would not come if we did,’ and they
passed on.
‘Ah, there goes Tomlinson,’ said Wentworth to
himself. ‘How happy and respectable he looks!
They tell me he has saved quite a lot of money, and has quite a
nice little property about here. Such is destiny. He
was born under a lucky star, I under an unfortunate one.
Ah, if I had turned up trumps in matrimony, how different it
would have been!’
Thus talking to himself, our hero found himself in the
neighbourhood of a well-known inn, and a smile from the
barmaid—a showy specimen of her class—was quite
sufficient to induce him to enter. The fair creature, as
she said, ‘was a little low, and wanted a fellow to talk
to.’ Wentworth soon rose to the occasion, and when he
left the hostelry, it was with a flushed cheek and a jaunty
air. Indeed, he was quite mirthful till he reached a little
cottage where he had spent many a riotous hour. To his
consternation, the blinds were down, and there was an unspeakable
air of desolation about the place, as if had come there the grim
unbidden visitor whose name is Death. He summoned enough
courage to enter, and came out, after a very short stay, looking
pale and sad. Death had indeed been there, and taken away
the breadwinner of the family, leaving wife and children
desolate.
It was late when he reached the rendezvous of his companions,
seedy fellows, but very happy, nevertheless, unshaven, with
rather big beards and long hair, much given to smoking,
and not over-clean in person or linen.
‘You’re late, young man,’ said the eldest of
the party, as Wentworth entered, ‘and will have to stand
glasses all round.’
‘Certainly; but hear my excuse. I promised to be
here at eight; it is now ten. I want an S. and B. I
have not a rap in my pocket—absolutely cleared
out.’
‘Too bad! and yesterday was pay-day,’ said the
chairman. ‘Wentworth, you profligate, I am ashamed of
you. What an example you set these young people!’
‘Shocking, shocking!’ was the cry all round.
‘Strike, but hear,’ said Wentworth.
‘You know poor Canning?’ naming a comedian popular at
the music-halls.
‘Yes.’
‘Well, he’s dead; and there’s a wife and
five children, and an invalid aunt, without a halfpenny. I
happened to come by the cottage as I was coming here, and I never
saw a sadder sight. In one room the poor dead body; in
another, women in hysterics, children weeping, and a vile harpy
of a landlady standing at the door wanting her money. I
paid her something to keep her quiet. That’s why
I’m cleaned out, knowing that you generous youths would
give me something for the poor man’s wife and
family.’
Immediately every hand was put into its owner’s pocket,
and Wentworth was content with the result, and he prepared to
enjoy himself after the fashion of the room, which was well
patronized by gentlemen of the press, including the dreariest of
shorthand writers and the most elegant of penny-a-liners.
As one went out to deliver his copy another came in who had done
so. The climax was reached when there came a gang of
Parliamentary reporters from the Gallery with the news of a great
division, a Ministerial defeat and a Parliamentary crisis, who
seemed inclined to sit up late talking shop. Most of them
had a cheerful glass, and when that is indulged in, it is
astonishing how witty a man becomes, and what a cause of wit in
other men. A good deal of profane language
was used, and now and then a little Latin or a scrap of
Greek. The atmosphere was as critical as it was clouded
with tobacco. Wentworth took part in many a war of words,
and
‘Drank delight of battle with his
peers.’
The sleepy waiter, reinforced by the sleepy landlord, had hard
work to clear the room, which, however, was not done till the
milkman might be heard going his early rounds, and the great
world of London was preparing for the business of the day.
No wonder Wentworth rather liked that sort of life. It
had for him the charm of novelty. At any rate, he breathed
a freer air than he had ever done before. He could say what
he meant. He had lived where that was impossible.
There was little free speech or thought in pious circles, either
Dissenting or Church, fifty years ago. Happily, the present
generation lives and moves in a freer day, when a man is not sent
to Coventry on account of honest doubt. The one drawback he
felt was that he was rushing to the other extreme.
When Johnson was about to write the life of Akenside, he asked
Hannah More, as a friend of Sir James Stonehouse,
Akenside’s contemporary at the now far-famed borough of
Northampton, if she could supply him with any information
concerning him. On which she tells us she made an effort to
recollect some sayings she had heard reported. This did not
suit the Doctor, who impatiently exclaimed:
‘Incident, child—incident is what a biographer
wants. Did he break his leg?’
The great Doctor was but a superficial critic, after
all. As a rule, writers nowadays care little about
incident, and in this respect the public resembles them.
Given a life of average duration and condition, and we know its
inseparable incidents—incidents which are the general
property and experience of the human family. In our day we
like better to learn what is the hidden life—to see the
springs and sources of action in the individual or the
community at large—what are the seeds sown in the human
heart, and what the fruit they bear. Nature works slowly
and in order, and miracles are, if not impossible, at any rate
rare. One can quite realize the feeling of the celebrated
Rammohun Roy, when he contended that miracles were not the part
of the Christian dispensation best adapted to the conversion of
sceptics. Be that as it may, there was nothing of the
miraculous in finding the ardent preacher of the Gospel now in
the camp of the scorner. That was the result of causes long
working unsuspected. He had been disgusted with the
narrowness of the Church and people with whom he had come in
contact. The God of his youth seemed to him hard, despotic,
unmerciful, and unlovely. He had been bowed down to the
earth with a great sorrow. Apparently the change was not
for good. Once he was a preacher; now he never darkened
church doors. Once he associated with the godly; now he did
nothing of the kind. In the language of the
sects, now he was a son of perdition.
Of course a woman was at the bottom of it all. It was in
Hamburg they met. There was a fashionable English
boarding-school in that ancient city, and in the course of his
travels Wentworth had spent a winter there. Indeed, it was
on account of the beauty of one in particular that he had stopped
there wasting his time and getting over head and ears in
debt. It was all an accident; going up the old Steinweg, he
had seen some of the young ladies of the English school coming
down. One of them was Adèle, blue-eyed, fresh and
fair as the stars on a summer night. Their eyes met, and
Wentworth was over head and ears in love.
In a little while he managed to make the acquaintance of the
lady at an evening party, where everyone was ravished with her
musical genius. He was introduced to her, and found her
English charming. It was evident that immense pains had
been taken with her education. He had never met
so brilliant a linguist before, French, German, Italian,
English—in all she was equally at home. Again, he had
met her at a fête without the gates, and had the honour of
escorting her home. In a little while he had sent her a
letter of which it is needless to describe the contents.
That letter was placed in her guardian’s hands, and the
result was an interview and a betrothal.
Had our hero been equal to the situation, had he had a proper
amount of backbone, had he not been trained to lead an emotional
life, had he attained to the true dignity of manhood, he either
would have never thought of love of one in every way so much
superior, or he would have returned to England at once to fight
the battle of life for himself and to fit him for her.
Alas! he was weak and intoxicated with love, hardly master of
himself. He fell into bad society with men richer than
himself, where he learned to drink and live recklessly.
Away from her, loving her with the intensest and wildest passion,
he was utterly miserable. He returned to London, and got
a little work to do in the way of reviewing.
In London he was worse off than in Hamburg. His mode of
life lent itself easily to the wildest excesses. Had he
brought back the lady with him as his wife it would have been
otherwise. His was a nature that could not stand alone.
Some of his wealthy friends had married, and at their evening
soirées he met men and women—authors, artists,
statesmen, men of progress, men and women whose names the world
yet gratefully remembers; and then away he would rush off to the
lodgings of other friends—dissipated medical students as
they were in those far-off days, types of the Bob Sawyer class,
and with gin-and-water would pass the night, unless, as was too
frequently the case, they plunged into the debaucheries of London
by night, when respectability had gone to bed.
Lower and lower did Wentworth fall, and then came the
end. The lady discovered how romantic had been her dream,
and the dismissed lover staggered under the blow. It is
hard to realise what a moral wreck that pitiable wretch had
become—how with no real excuse for his drink and
dissipation, now almost a necessity of his life, all hope had
vanished from his horizon, all faith in God or man.
For a time he led, as many do, a dual life—decent by
day, the reverse by night. London is full of such men
now. Fathers and mothers living far away in the quiet
country home have no idea what London is by night, or was, for I
write of a wild scene of dissipation which no longer
exists. A young man in business is sheltered more or less
from the lowest abysses of London life. A young man in a
decent home is also guarded to a certain extent. It is the
stranger within the gates who, as a rule, falls the more easily
to the allurements of vice. He is alone; he needs
society. It is not good for man to be alone. If a man
cannot have good society, the chances are he will have bad.
The Church at one time made no effort to bring
back such lost ones. They drew a hard and fast line.
They only admitted the hypocrite or the saint. Wentworth
belonged to neither class. In reality he had little
altered. He left religious society because he could not
with an honest conscience conform to its ideas, or speak its
language, or adopt its conventionalisms. At one time he
believed in it because he had been brought up in it. He had
been taught phrases, and he used them without ever thinking of
their meaning, and when the meaning did not come he went on using
them, believing it would come. ‘Preach faith till you
have it,’ said an old divine to a young brother, ‘and
then you will preach it because you have it.’ In
Wentworth’s case the remedy did not answer. He
preached because he thought it his duty. He did not preach
because he felt it dishonesty to use terms of doubtful meaning
utilized in the pulpit in one sense, understood in the pew in
another. He had not found light in Little Bethel or Cave
Adullam. Was it to be found elsewhere, in the
gaiety and dissipation of the world? Well, that was what he
wanted to find out for himself. Like most of us, Wentworth
was too impatient, and could not wait for the happy surrounding
which comes to all true men soon or late. Religious people
and he had parted. It seemed to him as if he could do no
good, and as if the attempt to do so were harm. He had
aimed high and fallen low. To save himself from starvation
he did a little literary work, but that was a poor staff on which
to lean. He had, as most of us have, daily wants, and, to
meet them, required daily cash.
Turning one night into a tavern, he found two or three
seedy-looking men manufacturing what they called
‘flimsy’ for one of the dailies. They took pity
on him, and taught him how to do the same. For a time he
was their assistant, and they gave him a share of the pay; but
evil communications corrupt good manners, and, to drown all
thought, he did as they did: sat up late in
public-houses—these latter places kept open nearly all
night then—and the excitement of the new life came to
him as a pleasurable relief from the darkness which had cast a
gloom on the morning of his days.
It became in time a habit with him to spend his nights in the
music-halls, such as the Cider Cellars and Evans’s, which
now have long ceased to exist, where he could forget what he once
was, and did not think of what he once hoped to be. At such
places all classes met in boon companionship—the lord and
the lout, the drunken clergyman, the greenhorn from the country,
the man of business, or county magistrate, or attorney up in town
for a day or two and anxious to see life, the wild sawbones, who
was supposed by his anxious parents far away to be walking the
hospitals and fitting himself for a useful career, reporters,
students, barristers, reckless men of all kinds, over whom
tailors and landlords alike grieved. Then there were haunts
still more infamous, frequented by women as reckless and
abandoned as the men. Some had seen better days; some had
loved,
and been betrayed and abandoned; some had never known virtue in
any shape; all on their way down to be trodden underfoot.
‘I was gay myself once,’ says many a man of the
world, as he hears of the excesses of dissipation. Alas! so
much the worse for him. It is true all experience makes a
man, in one sense, wiser, if he be a wise man. Yet it is a
solemn truth that no tears, no penitence, no prayers, no
exertions of an after-life, can restore to the sensualist or the
profligate the bloom, the freshness and purity of early
youth. None of us can blot out the past. The joyous
aspect of innocence and grace can never be recalled, though, for
all who seek it, there is a Divine mercy, lasting as eternity,
broad as heaven itself.
At one time the idea of being in such company would have been
shocking to Wentworth. There are thousands who, however,
thus do fall away. But they do so little by little.
No one suddenly becomes base, said the Latin moralist, and he is
right. A real friend or two might have saved Wentworth many
a bitter hour. But at that time the thing was
impracticable. The line of demarcation between the Church
and the world was too strictly drawn. In the parable of the
Great Teacher, the tares and the wheat grew side by side.
In its superior wisdom, the Church undertook to pull up and get
rid of the tares, but in doing so a good deal of mischief was
done. There was no halting between two opinions. You
were either converted or not. A man was either the child of
God or of the devil. The Church held up an impossible and
an unlovely Christianity, into the belief of which men and women
were terrified.. To produce that effect there was no end of
excitement, and then, when the excitement was over, in too many
cases came the inevitable relapse. One result of this was
that the victim had to look elsewhere for the excitement which
had become part and parcel of his being—to the flowing
bowl, to what is called jolly companionship, to the siren voice
of worldly pleasure—and the novice falls too easily a prey.
Abelard is a more common character than Simeon Stylites.
The songs of Circe are pleasant to listen to, and there are roses
and raptures for the sinner as well as the saint, and the roses
and raptures are now—not in a world to come. The
world has a great fascination for a lad brought up in a pious
home, to whom it has been represented as a waste howling
wilderness, peopled with devils fearful to gaze on. When he
steps into it, and finds how unfairly it has been drawn to him by
the Church, the chance is that he runs to the other
extreme. We have hardly yet emancipated ourselves from the
morbid and monkish theology of the Romish Church. There
come to the writer sad recollections of a dismal theology to
which he was expected to give his assent. Never did men
then talk of man being made in the image of his Maker—of
his being vicegerent of the earth, only a little lower than the
angels, covered with glory and honour. All was devilish man
could say or do. In vain was education, or science, or
art. The cleverer, the more useful, the more decent you were,
the more mischievous, the further from God.
Such was the doctrine preached from a thousand pulpits, at any
rate, not many years since. And thus it was that the
churches were chiefly filled with ignorant women and old men, or
with young people—who died early of consumption—who
accepted everything they heard in the pulpit, who knew nothing of
the world they denounced, to whom the language of passion and
temptation was unknown. It is easy to be religious when all
that is irreligious has worked itself out of the man—to
lead a dull, decent, formal life, when the capacity for excess is
gone, or the spendthrift has been turned into a miser; when old
age has taken from woman her power to tempt, and robbed the
wine-cup of its fascination; when all a man wants is an
easy-chair by a good fire. When we cry with Tennyson:
‘Ruined trunks on withered forks,
Empty scarecrows, I and you.’
But it is not everyone who cares for such companionship.
‘Where are my dead forefathers?’ asked the
pagan Frisian of Bishop Wolfran, as he stood with one of his
royal leg’s in the baptismal font.
‘In hell with all the other unbelievers,’ was the
reply.
‘Mighty well!’ exclaimed Radbrod, removing his
leg. ‘Then I will rather feast with my ancestors in
the halls of Woden, than dwell with your little starveling band
of Christians in heaven.’
To return to Wentworth. He was disappointed, not only as
regards the ministry, but as regards love, and that is a yet more
awful thing. Plotinus taught that God made women beautiful
that by means of them men might be drawn to love a beauty that is
divine. To one capable of strong affection no blow can be
more terrible than that of a disappointed love. It is vain
to doubt on the subject. To all human appearances Wentworth
was lost, but God never leaves a man to fall away for ever.
‘A gracious hand,’ writes the pious Wilberforce,
‘leads us in ways we know not, not only with,
but against our plans and inclinations.’ Happily,
this was so in Wentworth’s case. There came to him
strength to reform, to conquer himself, to rise out of his dead
self to something higher and better, partly from the memory of a
pious home, partly by the natural working of his soul, partly by
the needs of daily life, partly and chiefly by contact with an
actress, who reproached him with his idleness and want of energy
and aimlessness. Both were Bohemians, but the woman
supported herself and her widowed mother. Both had loved
and lost, both had found the ways of transgressors hard, that
pleasure is not happiness, that there is no way to escape from
God’s universal law, that wrongdoing, in thought or word or
deed, is never without its inseparable penalty, and that is, the
worm that dieth not, the fire that is not quenched. You may
forget much, but you can never forget, if you live till the age
of Methuselah, what you have done inconsistent with the native
nobility of man; if you have brought dishonour on your name, betrayed
the right, trifled with a woman’s heart, brought the gray
hairs of father or mother to the grave with sorrow. The
memory of such acts will continue, and sting and torture as long
as life and though and being last. For such a one there are
no waters of Lethe, cry for them as he will. A man cannot
hide himself from himself. He may deceive the world; he may
lead a life of pleasure; but he cannot deceive himself, however
he may try to do so. Alone in the stillness of the night,
in the quiet of the sick-room, in the awful presence of death,
conscience will speak, and he cannot stifle its voice.
‘Be sure your sin will find you out’ is the teaching
of all daily life. To be happy even in this world, as old
Franklin found out, you must be virtuous. It is a false
creed, that which makes us believe that man is better without God
than with Him—better as a vicious than a virtuous
man—better as a mild Agnostic or a gay infidel than a
decent, sober Christian.
The home training in evangelical circles fifty years
ago had many serious defects. It was conducted too much
with reference to the future world rather than the present
one. Had Wentworth been taught the beauty of
work—that life was a battlefield in which the victory was
to the strong—that man was here to do the best he could for
himself, to enjoy the world which the good God had made
beautiful—that he was to aim high, to cherish noble
expectations, to do manly deeds, to be true and honest and
courageous, how different would have been his life! Only
the emotional part of him had been developed, and he fell an easy
prey when temptation came to him and the voice of passion
thundered in his ear and he fell. Why should he not, as he
grew tired of sinning and repenting, he asked himself, ignore the
past and find peace where peace could never be found? He
would eat of the grapes of Sodom and the clusters of
Gomorrah. He would sit in the seat of the scorner.
There, at any rate, conscience would cease to sting. It was
the old
story over again. Facilis descensus Averni.
Wentworth was beginning to find this out. He had eaten
of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, as all
must do—though some more than others—and he had found
it fairer to the eye than pleasant to the palate. He was
getting sick of worldly men and worldly things. There is a
cant of the world as well as of the Church, and he had found it
out. The cloud passed away, and then came to him a clearer
spiritual insight than he had ever possessed before. He had
lost the childish faith of his early home, and there came in its
stead the grander and fuller one of a man who had put away
childish things, who had fought his fears and gathered strength,
who had fought his fears and gathered strength, who had found
peace and safety, not in the pleasant places, gay with flowers
and musical with the song of birds, where we never dream of
danger, but in the storm and tempest of the raging sea. Old
ideas, modified by hard experience, asserted themselves; old
inspirations were revived; old hopes and purposes were brought to
life. He would be a preacher—but from the press,
rather than from the more cramped and circumscribed pulpit.
Temporal things also went better with him. Some of his
writings had been republished, and had brought him fame and
fortune. In the accomplished actress of the Theatre Royal,
Drury Lane, known as Miss Howard, he had met a sympathetic
friend. It was she who had originally raised him from the
Slough of Despond, and had recalled him to his better self.
It is told of an Indian Prince who in prosperity was too much
elevated and in adversity too much depressed, that he gave notice
that on his forthcoming birthday the most acceptable present that
any of his courtiers could make him would be a sentence short
enough to be engraved on a ring, and suggesting a remedy for the
grievance of which he complained. Many phrases were
accordingly proposed, but not one was deemed satisfactory, till
his daughter came forward and offered an emerald on which were engraved
two Arabic words, the literal translation of which was,
‘This, too, will pass.’ Warren Hastings, who
told the story, adds how the sentence cheered him when on his
trial in Westminster Hall. It was thus Wentworth was
upheld, and ‘This, too, will pass’ was the thought
that urged him on.