BY
G. B. STERN AUTHOR OF
‘PANTOMIME,’ ‘SEE-SAW,’ ‘TWOS AND THREES,’
‘GRAND CHAIN,’ ‘A MARRYING MAN’
LONDON: DUCKWORTH & CO
3 HENRIETTA STREET, COVENT GARDEN
All Rights Reserved
First published 1919
Printed in Great Britain
by Turnbull & Spears, Edinburgh
TO GEOFFREY HOLDSWORTH
“What is love of one’s land?...
I don’t know very well.
It is something that sleeps for a year, for a day,
For a month, something that keeps
Very hidden and quiet and still,
And then takes
The quiet heart like a wave,
The quiet brain like a spell,
The quiet will
Like a tornado, and that shakes
The whole being and soul ...
Aye, the whole of the soul.”
Ford Madox Hueffer
CHILDREN OF NO MAN’S LAND
PART I
CHAPTER I — I — II — III
“Let her go,” said Ferdinand Marcus. “I want my daughter
to have a good time.”
Aunt Stella assented. “Why shouldn’t she go? Anything
for a change, when one is twenty-three. Anything for excitement.
And she can come to no harm. Besides, Richard is
invited too.”
“No harm,” chirruped her brother. “Liberty for the
young! We have missed enough, Stella, you and I, through
old-fashioned prejudices.”
Old Hermann Marcus did not join in the conversation. He
sat heavy and immovable; his faded blue eyes, under their
fierce ridges, travelling contemptuously from his son to his
daughter. Weaklings! short-sighted weaklings, with their
foolish chatter of “liberty for the young.” Was this the way
to bring up one’s children, with authority trailing like a slack
rope along the floor? What was to become of the old, if the
young were allowed to live for their own pleasure? Where
would he be now, he, Hermann Marcus, crippled with rheumatism,
financially insolvent, approaching his eightieth birthday,
if Ferdinand and Stella had not been trained, very carefully
trained, to unquestioning obedience and duty?
He was impotent where Ferdinand’s children were concerned.
His day of authority was over. But—“a good time,” he
muttered. “They will see....” He called loudly to Stella
to bring him at once the English papers, which would not
arrive at the Swiss hotel for fully an hour yet. Hermann
Marcus was perfectly aware of this.
“But everyone knows for a positive fact that Shakespeare
is the greatest writer of all. Why, who has ever heard of your
Goethe, outside Germany?”
“And who has ever read your Shakespeare, inside England?”
Lothar retorted, with the horrid glee of a person who has made
a remark with an unpleasant amount of truth in it. His
spectacles gleamed, two round, triumphant dazzles in the
sunset which streamed through the closed windows of his study.
Richard repeated stubbornly, but without conviction:
“Everyone knows Shakespeare is the greatest writer.” His
defence of Shakespeare was strictly impersonal; he had no
vehement sentiments on the subject; the whole argument
bored him. But on principle, when a German boy asserts
that Goethe is greater than Shakespeare, the English boy
can have no option but to make reply that Shakespeare is
greater than Goethe.
“It shall be decided one day,” Lothar grimaced ominously.
And Richard had an inspiration. “Shakespeare has been
translated into German, because you jolly well couldn’t get
on without him. I’ve never seen Goethe properly put into
English. That about proves I’m right.”
“There was no Englander great enough to translate a man
so great. I do not say,” Lothar explained conscientiously,
“that I have not of the works of your Shakespeare also with
much benefit an exhaustive study made. Let us converse on
them. Do you then prefer Macbess or Otello?”
“Macbeth,” Richard muttered at a venture, and walked
restlessly to the window; fidgeted with the beaded blind-cord,
to signify that he expected better entertainment from his host
than this irritating controversy. He wished his sister had not
been so quick to accept Mrs Koch’s invitation to visit her at
Dorzheim. To be dragged away in the middle of the extra
July of summer holiday which an epidemic of scarlet fever at
school had procured him; dragged away from a jolly hotel in
Switzerland, to this stupid, little, dead-and-alive German town;
finally, to be expected to chum up with Lothar von Relling,
merely because they were “of the same age”—it was a bit
thick!
Deb could quite well have come alone, if this was her idea
of enjoyment.
He wondered why Lothar was crossing and uncrossing his
legs in their bright striped stockings, and breathing heavily
as though about to unburden himself of a confidence.
“Have you a heart’s dearest, you?”
Richard Marcus was fifteen. A normal boy, muscular,
pugnacious, taciturn. The question drew from him a shout
of laughter.
“What should I do with one, if I had it?”
“You English boys are babies all,” Lothar said, unexpectedly
scornful. “You play always your stupid games, rather than
write verses to the loved one. Ach, but she ...” he whirled
his hearer along an incoherent tide of description: “a wonder,
a dream, a night of scented dusk,” that mysterious goddess
who seemed but recently to have emerged from the nebulous
glamour which encircles all womanhood for the Teuton yet
in his teens.
“Are you engaged to her?” yawned Richard, who by
the merest fraction preferred these confidences to the Goethe-Shakespeare
debate.
“Betrothed? But not possible. I am already betrothed
to Frieda-Marie. Our peoples betrothed us a great many
years ago. It is wearisome, but——” Lothar shrugged his
plump shoulders—“it is suitable. We are of one faith. Her
father, the Herr Sanitäts-Rath Hauffe, will withdraw his
sanction if he outfinds anything of my faithlessness.”
Richard swung round and surveyed with disfavour Lothar’s
vague features under their bush of upstanding tow. “Do you
mean there’s really anything for him to find out about you
and the other girl, or are you swanking?”
“Only that I schwärm—I swarm with love for her. I watch
in the streets, and once I drop at her feet a fair rose costing
fifty pfennig. She knows nothing of my passion. But what
goes me that on? It is more beautiful, more ideal, so.”
Suddenly he slid from lofty altitudes. “One has also one’s
emotions away from these. One is flesh. One is not altogether
air....” He spattered a few inky hints regarding the
demands of his adolescence. From a pink, chubby face his
spectacles glittered knowingly, inviting his companion to
betrayal of like perplexities. But Richard preserved that
admirable stolidity for which his looks were so well adapted:
powerful jaw, big nose, dark head well thrust forward from the
short neck and broad shoulders; and, rather obscured by all
these pugnacities, a pair of pleasant, humorous light-grey
eyes, from which now, however, he had chased all expression
save of blank idiocy. Not likely he would give himself away
to Master Lothar! Richard wondered if there were a German
boy good form enough to know that Lothar was bad form, and
to ostracize him as such. Unlikely; the fellow would hardly
be as cocksure if he had once been put in his place. All this
blither about Goethe and girls.... “Do you mean to marry
this person?” interrupting the other’s critical appraisement
of a lady professionally well-known in Dorzheim, appraisement
to which Lothar had essayed to impart the personal note.
“I have explained,” patiently, “I am plighted to Frieda-Marie.
She is a good Christian maiden. She learns cooking.
She has a respectable gift-along. Why do you smile?”
“Your English is so funny.”
“I have not yet had the pleasure of hearing your German,”
politely sarcastic. For Richard had felt in honour bound
not to reveal to Dorzheim that his knowledge of their tongue,
though faulty, was fluent enough, as was natural in a grandson
of Hermann Marcus of Munich.
“I will take me a wife when I am twenty-seven. First
must I be through with my examinations. Then do I perform
my military service. You also? No?”
“Oh, we don’t have to fag with that sort of thing in
England.”
“It is for the Fatherland. Also one is attractive in uniform.
One dashes. One lives. Me, I must betray a several of
maidens before I can afford one to keep.”
Richard scowled discouragement. “You’re not sixteen yet,
are you?”
“At sixteen one is no longer a child. One cannot go
mad....” To Richard’s horror, Lothar suddenly buried has
head in his arms, shuddering violently.... “That I were
dead! that I were dead!” he moaned.
The English boy stared at him. These outbursts of confidence,
alternately sentimental and morbid, seemed to emphasize
his growing sense of having been brought into a world
completely alien. He sent a swift thought to his chum,
Greville Dunne, now on board a training-ship; wished old
Greville were here. Foreign kids were unbalanced, hysterical;
they read too much; brooded too much; talked too much....
Lothar had no right to unburden himself to a stranger, of
different nationality and hostile outlook. Richard began to be
afraid he had given an impression of too ready sympathy.
Lothar raised his head and announced solemnly: “Swine-hound
that I am, believe that I preserve a reverence supreme
for my Loved One!” His eyes were swamped in facile tears.
“I have no father,” he added, after an uncomfortable pause;
“and you, you have no mother, I hear.”
“Oh, that’s all right, thanks,” Richard’s shoulders were
expressive of sullen embarrassment. “Got a stamp collection?”
“I will show you my botany-box.” And Lothar littered
the blue and red check table-cloth with his specimens of pressed
leaves and flowers, neatly labelled. Presently he reverted to
the subject of Frieda-Marie. It appeared as though he were
trying unsuccessfully to tell Richard something....
“Pity that she should be so blonde. The Ideal One is a
brunette. She is a witch; a black velvet pansy. Hark, I
will describe her to you.”
A full five minutes elapsed, however, before Richard awoke
to the fact that the concrete sum of Lothar’s lyrical ecstasies
made up a personality closely resembling that of his sister.
“Good Lord! Deb!”
“But at last! Since an hour have I tried to reach your
understanding.”
“Couldn’t you say straight out that you meant Deb, instead
of making an inventory of her?”
This was too great a strain on Lothar’s English. “She
was mine from the first moment I saw her feet on the pavement
my window outside press,” he breathed.
“Look here—do you want to marry Deb?”
“You come me always with that!” peevishly. “I tell
you I am betrothed to Frieda-Marie. I cannot marry your
sister. She is only a Jewess.”
“I like your cheek! Then what’s the good of you?”
“I can worship her.”
“Umph!”
“You also, you admire her?”
“She’s not so dusty.”
Again Lothar had to confess himself vanquished. He lugged
down an English-German dictionary from the shelf, and conscientiously
looked up ‘dusty.’
“Nicht so staubig—ach!... Hark, there is Mama who
calls us. Doubtless you are fetched to go home.”
They ran down the polished stairs, Richard grinning at the
notion of being “fetched.”
In the drawing-room Felix Koch was apologizing profusely
for his wife’s absence, while Frau von Relling plied him with
coffee and cream cakes and delicatessen sandwiches.
“You will be welcome whenever you come again to play
with my Lothar,” she condescended to Richard. Then sighed
heavily: “My big boy!” and took Lothar’s hand and fondled
it. Lothar received the caress with an expression which was
decorously demure. “Smug little humbug!” reflected Richard.
“Indeed, Herr Koch, it is well that the dear Marianna
did not call to-day, as it is possible that your honoured Frau
Mama might be drinking coffee with me presently.”
“So?” Koch nodded gloomily. His wife and his mother
were not on speaking terms; and all the town knew why.
He had committed an unprecedented folly in marrying the
pretty daughter of a shopkeeper in Bingen.
Frau von Relling continued: “Doubtless the dear Marianna
is busy with the entertainment of the little English Miss.”
Then eagerly: “Has she received any offers yet?”
“She has only been with us three days,” Koch replied.
And added with a mysterious inflection, “But Salzmann has
sent to Frankfurt for his brother.”
“And how many bouquets?”
“Eleven. And two chocolate-boxes.”
“Has Herr Sigismund Koch shown her a little attention?”
The man bent upon his questioner a look of displeasure.
“Sigismund knows well he has no concern with any young
Miss who is my guest!”
For, though partners in the same bank, he and his younger
brother were not on speaking terms. They had quarrelled
violently a little while before the death of their father, Emil
Koch, founder of the bank, who, with more sense of humour
than can usually be accredited to his nation, had left it to
them as a joint and firmly-knit inheritance.
Frau von Relling hastened to cover up her intentional piece
of malice. “Of course not, of course not. And the dear
Marianna will be arranging a Klatsch to introduce the beautiful
Miss to Dorzheim?”
“Next Thursday; you will honour us——?”
“Will Wanda be present?” Frau von Relling played nervously
with her son’s fingers, which she still retained.
“I believe your Fräulein sister-in-law has been invited,
but——”
“In that case——” Frau von Relling rose with dignity.
She was not on speaking terms with her sister-in-law: a
question of a funeral-wreath.... Amid such complications
did the society of Dorzheim walk precariously.
Felix gave a murmur which placed his sympathies definitely
on the side of Frau von Relling, and at the same time deplored
these needless feuds in an otherwise attached family. Then
with Richard he took formal leave.
“We are the only Jews in Dorzheim with whom the von
Rellings have traffic,” he remarked, as they walked home
through the little manufacturing town. “But you will count
now how many hats are raised to me. The Kochs have ever
been deeply respected even among the Christians who bank
with us.” He beamed with naïve pleasure at each salutation;
and looked sharply at Richard to see if the latter were indeed
taking note.
Twilight in the streets; and the sky was a dark, thick blue.
Crowds of men were already jostling out of the workshops
where the cutting, polishing and setting of precious stones
formed the principal industry of Dorzheim. Swarthy giants
from some legend of forest and charcoal and red-glowing
cavern, they did not immediately disperse, but stood about
muttering on the pavements, with a scowl for the passer-by
who brushed their group too closely. Somewhere a great
brazen bell was clanging. It was all rather unreal....
“We shall shortly have trouble with these fellows,” remarked
the banker to Richard. “Those infernal socialists with their
talk——”
Richard was again attacked by a melancholy sense of complete
isolation from his surroundings. What was he doing
here? He, Marcus, of the Winborough fifth—in this gabled,
German burgher town, grotesque to him as an old steel-engraving
in a musty folio. Ring of sombre fir-shaggy hills
tipped against the sky; ornamental bridges like toys across
the river, which ran alongside the one broad street; warm
aroma of coffee from the shops, blending with a mournful
resinous fragrance that drifted down with the wind from the
woods; clusters of people round the small iron tables dotted
outside the restaurants; and behind the large open windows
of these, dim groups sprawling through a dense smoke-heavy
atmosphere; chatter and bellow and screech; gibberish
which was yet disconcertingly comprehensive to Richard.
He revolted against his very understanding of their language.
They were not his people; Lothar, with his flaxen hair and
his botany-box and his repellant morbidity; this trotting
little man, counting the hats that were raised—ah, there was
another! ... and another! ... like clockwork, up went
the hand to the brim.... Three elongated boys in capes,
whistling “Die Wacht am Rhein”—
“Lieb Vaterland, kannst ruhig sein,
Still steht und treu—”
No, these were not his people; this was not his land. Richard
stiffened himself against any insidious process of adaptation
to circumstances. Daisybanks, Lansdowne Terrace, London,
England—that was his address, when he was not at Winborough.
Good enough for him. Switzerland was all right,
of course ... the hotel was under English management,
and one just went about with one’s own set, and behaved
much as usual, except that there were mountains. His spirit
approved of a Continent moulded on sternly British lines.
And then Deb had dragged him into—this!
A question stirred in his mind! Nationality—was it a fact
of any importance, then, to make so much difference when
put to the test?... He shoved the question away again.
Why fuss? This sort of misery—for it was misery—would
not pursue him further than across the map of Germany.
Let him get back to his own folk; he was homesick, that was
all. England became above all desirable as a place where you
were jolly and ordinary; took things for granted; no need to
think;—there was a quality of purposeful concentration about
these German people that oppressed Richard uneasily; why
were they so absorbed and ponderous over the minutest detail?
Again Herr Koch jerked off his hat. “Did you see who
saluted me? No other than Sanitäts-Rath Maximilian Hauffe.
He could quite well have pretended not to see me; there was
no lamp where he passed us. But I tell you the Kochs are
esteemed in Dorzheim. That was his daughter Frieda-Marie
along with him.”
Richard looked back, interested to catch a glimpse of Lothar’s
betrothed. She looked back at the same time.... A plump
rosy face; swing and dangle of two golden plaits.
Outside the door of their house they were joined by Mrs
Koch and Deborah. Felix inserted his latchkey and preceded
them into the hall.
“Na, was Frau Ladenberg amiable? Did you like her?”
he inquired of Deb.
“Not—not very much.”
“Not? But she is English; she is your countrywoman.”
With infinite pains and pride had this sole Englishwoman in
Dorzheim been excavated for the girl’s benefit. Deb felt
acutely the reproach in his tones. The meeting ought to
have been at least as momentous as that of Stanley and Livingstone
in the desert. Deb herself, after only three days spent
in thickly Teutonic company, had been quite excited at the
prospect of drinking coffee with Herr Ladenberg’s wife from
Manchester. She recognized now how unreasonable she had
been to have expected instant affinity merely on the negative
grounds that neither she nor Elly Ladenberg happened to be
German.
At the same moment, Marianna was enquiring of Richard:
“Well, and have you made a great friendship with Lothar von
Relling?”
“No,” said Richard, who invariably curtailed speech to its
utmost brevity.
“No? But you are almost of the same age!”
Richard grunted, and escaped to his room to dress for that
meal which, neither dinner, tea, nor supper, mingled the richness
and biliousness of all three.
Felix went into the sitting-room and flung himself on the
sofa. Deb and his wife followed him in. The girl went straight
to the window, and with some difficulty succeeded in opening it;
the decent German window protesting loudly, as it had every
right to do. She leant out, cooling her hot cheeks. She had
behaved disgracefully that afternoon....
Marianna Koch glanced at her. Then at Felix. An elusive
meanness flickered from her narrow light-brown eyes; at the
comers of her pretty, fretful mouth. She was very unlike
the accepted Saxon type of large blonde beauty. There had
been a scandalous babble of tongues in Dorzheim when Felix
Koch had first brought her back from a brief holiday he had
spent in Bingen. Little worldling that she was, she had yet
contrived to trap him in manner incongruously reminiscent of
a Grimm’s fairy-tale. The broad window above the ironmonger’s
shop; the wistful maiden, youngest of three sisters,
who daily stationed herself there, hairbrush held in her hand,
a light-brown, feathery cloud surrounding her pale face....
He was cured of his infatuation now, after two years’ subjection,
but could still recall it with painful vividness at a thought
flung backwards to that window and the magic it had framed
for him. Marianna! ... but she was common and petty,
and snobbish and quarrelsome; she had married him solely
because he was a banker, a fine gentleman. He had a suspicion
lately that she would like to be rid of him; yes, now, when he
had barely placated a bitterly offended mother; when, with
his reputation for sobriety and prudence, he had made a fool
of himself in sight of all Dorzheim. If it had been Sigismund!...
It was a constant smart to the vanity of Felix that
Sigismund was still highly eligible, whereas he——
He was not even sure that his wife was not deceiving him.
In which case Sigismund would laugh. And Herr Sanitäts-Rath
Hauffe would perhaps omit to raise his hat as
punctiliously.
Koch’s eyes wandered to Deb, in her bluish lilac crêpe dress;
harem skirt that clung as though in well-cut adoration ...
the nape of her neck showed astoundingly bare; in Dorzheim
it was considered smart to wear something called a jabot,
and to prop the chin and ears with a high erection of lace and
whalebone; in Dorzheim the dressmakers were commissioned
to destroy line, not create it—as in the case of a harem skirt.
She was obviously not quite “good class” this girl; probably
some sort of an artist, though he had gathered her people were
wealthy. “These English!”—one could account for everything
by that contemptuous phrase.... And Deb had
immensely gratified him that morning at breakfast by remarking:
“One might easily mistake you for an Englishman, Herr
Koch!”... Yes, he liked the girl; was quite glad that
Marianna had taken a fancy to her recently in Switzerland,
and had insisted on bringing her back for a visit. It relieved
the tension of their constant bickering; and it gave him a
hearer on whom to impress his status in Dorzheim. Then, too,
one acquired importance in the little town, when one had
guests from England. Relations from Frankfurt, yes—but
guests from England were almost unheard of.
And nobody need know that Marianna had practically run
away from him to Montreux. She was anæmic, needed a
holiday; that sufficed for public explanation. He had recalled
her with a promise of a fur coat. He had not yet given her
the fur coat.
“I can smell Rindbraten,” remarked Felix appreciatively,
from the sofa. “Do we have it for evening-eating? Stuffed?
There was some left over from mid-day, was there not? I
trust, Marianchen, that you made it clear to Emma it was not
for her?”
He was smitten with gloom at the thought of the servant
browsing over his Rindbraten. His wife reassured him. And
she added, with slow emphasis: “I tried on some sable coats
at Elly Ladenberg’s. Her husband had sent for sample styles
from Köln. There was one—four thousand marks. It hung
well on me. The Ladenberg has already chosen another with
a fox collar. Mine has a brocade lining.”
“Yours?” Felix chaffed her. “Ei, ei, how quickly we go.
It is now summer.”
“That is the time for a good bargain in fur.”
“Four thousand marks is too much.”
“Not for the best.”
“My mother says——”
“Your mother hates me. She would like to see me wear
cotton in a snowstorm. She would die of spite if she saw the
Frau Sanitäts-Rath Maximilian Hauffe envying me my beautiful
sables.”
She paused to see if her last artful thrust at his besetting
weakness had at all moved her husband. He thundered, to
hide his uneasiness: “I tell you, four thousand marks is too
much. You are beggaring me. You!”
The woman’s eyes grew larger and brighter. She smiled
at Deb, who was trying to slip from the room unperceived.
“But where are you going? Felix, the child is running away
because she thinks we are quarrelling.”
Felix laughed uproariously at the notion.
“I was going to lie down before supper,” Deb explained
quickly. “I’m rather tired.”
“There is no couch in your room. Here, you had better
to rest beside my husband. Make room for her then, clumsy
bear!” She laughed a sharp little trill. “How shocked she
is! Heavens, what have I asked her to do? Surely with a
respectable old married man.... Come, Felix, be a little
gallant. Our English Miss is afraid of you. Na, she was bold
enough this afternoon, having a fine flirt with Meester von
Sittart.”
“She thinks you are another jealous Huldah von Sittart,
Marianna. Did that old woman make ugly grimaces at you,
Fräulein Deb? We must be careful where there are handsome
husbands from America. But with old Felix Koch—Come, I
will be asleep, that will put you at your ease.” He rolled
over with his face to the wall, and affected to snore loudly.
Marianna applauded the performance. Her teasing eyes
informed Deb that she was a stiff little fool, putting a wholly
idiotic construction on what was mere playful friendliness on
the part of her host and hostess. So Deb lay down beside
Felix.... It struck her suddenly that the wife has the
supreme advantage over the girl in almost any conjunction
of circumstances.
Frau Koch moved to the door. “Sleep well, dear children!”
It was uttered in the mock-solemn spirit of a benison. But
Deb was aware of malice in the woman’s stealthy little
smile; more than malice—enmity. To her or to Felix?—She
would have sprung upright again, save for the feeling
that in lying down she had committed herself ... to
what, she did not know. But she did know very definitely,
as the door closed gently behind Marianna, that she had
made a mistake, and that it was useless to try and repair
it. Deb was to suffer all her life from an illusion that one
step backward would not avail her after one step forward
had already been taken.
... Felix had his back still turned to her. But he had
abandoned the farcical pretence of snoring. They could not
lie much longer in this absurd silence, back to back, solemn,
motionless.... Deb began to laugh softly. It was really
rather ridiculous, except—except that Marianna’s face had
frightened her.
Should she jump up now—and run? No, that would give
alarming point to the situation. Probably Felix had no
intentions——
He turned sharply, pulled her round towards him, kissed
her and kissed her. And he was thinking: “If this was what
Marianna wanted, then there and there—and there——” The
girl did not matter. She was not like a German Mädchen who
has been nicely brought up and carefully guarded for matrimony.
Her people had let her come here, to complete strangers.
And she wore collarless blouses and had flirted conspicuously
with von Sittart.
... Her throat—how long and thick and dusky white ...
what a firm column for that three-cornered, weary little face.
Marianna was, he felt sure, just outside the closed door.
What was her motive in all this? That when it came to it,
when he found her out, she should also have an accusing finger
to point?—“Can you wonder, my friends? First he does
not give me a fur coat, and then he makes shameless love to
the guest under my roof....”
Felix Koch was pale with anger and humiliation. While
he had joined his wife in chaffing Deb, he had been inclined to
shout aloud: “Who is the man? Who is he? What do you
think I am made of, forcing this upon me?—After you have
been six weeks in Switzerland away from me—and yesterday
you were tired after the journey—too tired! ... and I—and
I.... Now, this insult!”
He had controlled himself, curious to see what she would
do next. He was not going to control himself any more.
Let Marianna, if indeed she stood poised on tiptoe, just outside,
her light eyes flickering spitefully, let Marianna realize
how little he cared for her rebuffs, last night, and the night
before.... Fur coats? Wives did not get fur coats unless
they earned them better.
Deb did not try to break away from the cramping pressure
of his arms. She recognized that she had been to blame;
had been—careless, somewhere, she was not quite sure where.
But she too had now a dim sense of Marianna’s object in
inviting her, of Marianna’s pinched smile outside the door.
... This man was rather handsome, viewed from the close
range which usually brings distortion of features. She tried to
laugh under his stinging kisses, to pick up the spirit of burlesque
where they had dropped it.... “Pretty child,” he muttered;
“pretty neck—no wonder she leaves it always unclothed.”
“Herr Koch—you promised—I said I wanted to rest——”
“Felix, then.”
“I want to rest, Felix——” She took advantage of a
momentary relaxation of his arms, to snuggle down into the
cushions, as a baby might; to close her eyes with a semblance
of trustful drowsiness ... her lips were half parted, her
breathing regular; one curled-up fist pushed against her
cheek. At any moment she might just drop off to sleep....
Would he leave her alone now? Was she safe under this
guise of silly, innocent confidence? Any sophisticated recognition
of his attempt to start a surreptitious affair with her,
would have been fatal.
Felix Koch, like all South Germans, was a sentimentalist.
Church spires by moonlight, or a slumbering infant, were
unfailing bell-pulls to his softer nature. Gently he touched
her hair with his fingers. “Sleep then, pretty child, there is
nothing to fear,” he murmured, profoundly moved by this
self-evidence of the rake’s reverence for purity. It was all
the easier to assume, since he did not really care for Deb.
Deb thought: “And so one must love a man, to like being
kissed by him?... Or is it only because he is married that
I can’t like it?”
She had been in love, of course; not the conventional once
and once only, but twice. A glamorous episode with a young
Territorial Captain, Con Rothenburg, eldest son of her father’s
partner. And later on, a man whose age doubled hers: the
doctor who had taken over the practice while the Marcus’ old
family practitioner went round the world for his health. This
was a less complete attachment than with Con, for Doctor
Steele was not even aware of her tremulous passion; nor with
what conscientious honesty she prevented herself from deliberately
seeking to contract the ailments which would have ensured
his attendance. It had occurred to her, while his hand was
on her racing pulse: “How easy it would be for him just to
bend down and kiss me. So easy that it doesn’t seem fair
he shouldn’t. So easy—he could forget it at once; and I
should always remember....” But Doctor Steele had
relinquished his locum tenency, and disappeared, leaving
Deb with no such memory.
There had been other—minor adventures. A great many.
So irresistibly did she attract them, that one might fancy
her reincarnated from some famous harlot of old history.
And besides, she involuntarily invited them because she was
so plainly on the look-out. Yet she was on the look-out not
for minor adventures, but for the big thing; the thing to
engross her existence; to dwarf its lesser trickiness; to drench
her quick nervous soul with peace; provide employment for
her restless, life-bitten brain. If Deb had been an artist, the
big thing had been easier to find. She was an artist, but in
appreciation only; non-creative. Or if Deb had been religious....
Religion attacked her imagination as little as the winged
Victory, rushing like wind down the steps of the Louvre. She
knew that the masterpiece was there; she had not seen it
herself; others had seen it; she hoped one day to see it.
Meanwhile—she could do without it, and not feel the loss.
So, a pilgrim without a staff, she had roamed....
But this special incident ought not to have occurred. Instinct
told her there was a certain type of girl to whom it
could not have occurred. She had always hoped she was this
girl; sheathed in a sort of hard, transparent whiteness from
which anything that was not the one big thing would infallibly
slide off, without giving the occupant of this convenient armour
the slightest trouble.
Of late, however, she had been growing suspicious of her
powers to ward off an accumulation of petty experiences.
Experiences?—but she wanted experience.
She tried to trace back the initial carelessness—yes, carelessness
was the only word for it—which had led to her present
plight. She ought to have gone to her room to lie down, in
spite of Marianna’s sneers. Yet that would have seemed a
ridiculous affectation of prudery, especially as that very afternoon....
Ah, here the fault, then!... But she had not
really flirted with Ralph von Sittart; the ladies of Dorzheim
had misread that spurt of revolt which had suddenly lit her
to flame; revolt from their disapproval of her; revolt from
the stiff chairs on which each one stiffly sat, with her stiff
neck upheld in whalebone.... Rather than make one of
them, she had preferred to squat upon the bearskin in front
of the tall, white, frozen stove; bend down her unfettered
neck to rub her cheek caressingly against the animal’s beautiful
head—Oh, it had been an exhibition of bad manners, certainly;
even cheap bad manners ... bearskins and tigerskins were
a bohemianism which London had long discarded; but these
German women could be shocked by nothing more subtle than
the effronteries of five seasons ago. And Deb had to shock
them, in the impish mood which possessed her, for which Elly
Ladenberg (née Harrison) was perhaps primarily responsible.
“You haven’t brought your needle-work?” “I haven’t got
any,” laughed Deb. “Then you have finished your present for
Frau Koch?” in a discreet undertone. Deb learnt that it was
the sacred custom here for any young girl staying with a
married lady, to stitch a most elaborate piece of embroidery
as a thank-offering for her hostess.
The information depressed her. She enquired if it would
not be possible to obtain the same effect of overpowering
gratitude, by sending to an expensive shop in London.
“You can see for yourself that it would not do. The sentiment
would not be the same.”
“Curse the sentiment,” murmured Deb mournfully, disappointed
of an ally.
... The word was passed round that the English girl was,
to say the least of it, eccentric. Anything sensational might
be expected of her.
Deb responded flauntingly to their expectations. Impossible
anyway to efface herself from the conspicuous position she
occupied as “Frau Koch’s visitor.” Guests were rare in
Dorzheim; no jolly, casual happening, but a solemn event
which exacted a whole code of ceremonial. And even then
the visitors were usually somebody’s relations. But all of a
sudden a strange girl—from that mad country—even Frau
Koch confessing to a minimum of previous acquaintance....
“The poor Marianna tells me she had no idea that the father
would permit it.” “Odd, very odd. Has she money, do
you know?” “Oh, surely; her dresses are of the best
material, even though they are fashioned in a style ...
dearest Frau Bergmann—that skirt!”
And then Ralph von Sittart had strolled into the party;
handsome, middle-aged German-American, who propped up
his indolence by an elderly wife’s income. And it had been
a well-nigh hysterical relief for Deb to hear English spoken....
Frau von Sittart’s face ... the whispers ... and
all the knitting-needles clacking....
She had behaved outrageously. But only under the goad
of alert protest to her entire personality, to her slightest act.
She was in a false position from the start. She should not
have come. She had only come because of John Thorpe’s
mother and the ear-trumpet....
At this stage of her attempts to track consequences to their
motive lair, Deb became aware that her feet were being plagued
by pins and needles, and that she most desperately desired to
wriggle. She judged that it would be safe now to awake from
slumber ... it must be a full half-hour that she and Felix
Koch were lying motionless side by side. She opened her
eyes, raised herself on one elbow, sighed deeply, as one who
yields up a pleasant dreamland. Then only did she perceive
that all this pantomime was unnecessary; her companion was
quite peacefully asleep.
Deb slithered off the couch, tip-toed to the door, closed it
soundlessly behind her. No one was in the hall. She ran
upstairs, and knocked at the door of her brother’s room.
Richard, in his shirt-sleeves, was standing in front of the
looking-glass; and with a brush ferociously brandished in
either hand, was frustrating his hair’s racial inclination to
curl.
“Are you dressing for supper? The others don’t, you
know.”
“No reason for me to be a barbarian, if they are, is it?”
“When in Rome——”
“Do as the Romans don’t—if they’re Germans!”
“Richard—we had awful trouble at home sometimes to
get you to dress in the evenings.”
He grinned. “Had you? I shouldn’t be surprised if you
had it again.” After a pause, he enquired: “How long
d’you want to stop here, Deb?”
“In Dorzheim? Don’t you like it?”
He considered a moment. “No.”
“Why not?”
“Lots of reasons. Can’t be bothered to think ’em all out.”
“We ought to stay a fortnight, now they’ve invited us,
and we’ve come.”
“All right.”
Deb sat down on the bed. Immediately the great inflated
pillow that acted as eiderdown almost submerged her in its
rising billows. She struck them down passionately—
“Richard.”
“Um?”
“Don’t leave me alone with Felix Koch, if you can manage
it....”
She was prepared for a brotherly outburst: “D’you mean
to say the fellow dared——” But Richard laid down his
brushes, and took up his collar, with a total absence of all
emotion. “Oh, all right.”
CHAPTER II — I — II — III
A few days later, Felix Koch came back at an unwonted
hour, between dinner and supper, and beckoned his wife to
a private conference. Her luminous eyes, as she went, testified
to a hope that the mystery enveloped a fur cloak.
Presently Richard was summoned.
“Row about Lothar von Relling,” he explained nonchalantly
to Deb afterwards.
“Lothar?”
“Gloomy little beggar with the astonished hair who came
here once to tea. You ought to know, Deb. The whole
shindy concerns you. What have you been up to?”
She reflected a moment before confession. Prudence
prompted the query: “What do they say I’ve been up to?”
Richard chuckled—then became instantly solemn. “This
morning, Herr Sanitäts-Rath Oberunterammergau von und
zu hellofarau Maximilian Hauffe called upon the honest and
respected banker, Felix Koch, to complain that his daughter
Frieda-Marie had been slighted and insulted by said daughter’s
plighted husband-to-be, Lothar von Relling, who was seen
two evenings ago in the darkest portion of the Grünewald—need
I go on?”
“N-no,” said Deb, “you needn’t go on with that part of it.
Tell me what the Kochs are saying?”
Richard dropped into a creditable imitation of Felix Koch:
“So I say with dignity to Herr Hauffe: ‘Herr Hauffe, tell
me only this: is your anger at what has occurred, is it because
my guest is a Jewess? because I myself am a Jew? If so,
I regret, but I will not move in the matter.’ And he replied,
taking off his hat: ‘Herr Koch, let me now assure you that
there is no one in this town for whom I have a respect more
profound than for yourself; I am a broad-minded man, and
had your guest been a Christian lady, which she is not, I should
have still been obliged my present course in defence of my
daughter’s honour to pursue.’ At this I started up, and put
on my hat, and gave him my hand in friendship, and together
we went to Frau von Relling. Ei, but Dorzheim stared to
see us arm-in-arm; twenty-seven Catholics alone took off
their hats to us——”
“Is there lots more about hats, Richard?”
“No, the rest is mostly about Lothar and you. The whole
town is simply ramping. You’re a goose, Deb. ’Tisn’t worth
it. Why, he’s only six months older than I am—and a
German!”
“Do you suppose I got any fun out of it?” she flared.
But it was niggardly to grudge something that lay within
her power to give. Or wasn’t it?... Chastity—the girl
in white armour.... To give so easily, though—she remembered
Doctor Steele. And the gloomy little boy had thirsted
for that one kiss; too inarticulate to ask for it; too comic,
in his owl’s spectacles and low collar and vertical crest of hair,
to make a silently romantic plea, he just sat on the pile of logs
looking up at her in dazed sickly reverie, as she came towards
him along the misty blue road that meandered among the fir
trees behind the town. She understood that by lightly dropping
her lips on to his, there, in that scene, at that hour, she
could give him an exquisite moment to carry through the
sentimental years into manhood. Why not, then? The girl
who withholds such chance gifts in her power, for the sake of
what was called her bloom, what was she, after all, but a
miser?
Deb’s kiss was just an impulse of almsgiving. She did not
shatter the boy’s ecstasy by speech. Hardly pausing in her
walk, she bent ... he had a vision of her serious mouth and
warmly glowing eyes ... and she went swiftly on.
Frau Huldah von Sittart, who witnessed the idyll and reported
on it, could not have been expected to interpret its psychology
correctly. But to Richard, Deb tried to explain....
It was intolerable that he should suppose she enjoyed kissing
scrubby little schoolboys.
He listened, brows knitted severely: “But, my dear kid,
that sort of philanthropy is rather dangerous, isn’t it, where
men in general are concerned?”
“It’s just whether one is to be generous or stingy—oh, don’t
you see? ... to give what matters so little to me, and so
tremendously much to them——”
“Make a habit of it, you’ll end by giving what means so
much to you and so precious little to them.”
Richard’s wisdom was a mere accident of repartee; and
Deb did not smile; she very rarely smiled; but her voice at
all times held a certain clear joyousness that was in startling
contrast to her tired little face; her voice was a child, years
younger than her lips or her eyes. So that Richard could only
dimly suspect her of hidden laughter as she said: “I esteem
your judgment, but—you’re rather precocious, aren’t you?”
“Good Lord, no!” he shouted, appalled. “I’m sensible.
You can’t walk about dropping kisses.”
“Dropping magic,” she corrected him gravely. “And if
I’m not the poorer, and am quite sure they will be the
richer....” She tilted her head defiantly: “Richard, I’d
rather be royal than—good!”
Richard pondered a moment over this. His sister watched
him with eyes that were half sorrowful, half impudent. Most
people would have been astonished that she could confide
such feminine subtleties in a brother eight years her junior.
But she had never yet been disappointed by a rebuff from
Richard that was sheer scoffing schoolboy and no more. He
possessed certain qualities she lacked, of uncompromising
fairness and sanity. Also, he was shock-proof; an imperturbable
Mahomet to whom all mountains came, and were received
in a take-it-for-granted spirit.
Sometimes Deb wondered just where, in all this mass of
solidity, lay buried that mysterious streak of understanding—kinship,
perhaps—on which she relied.
Now he said: “Well, I wouldn’t practise your theory of
magic-dropping in Dorzheim, if I were you. ’Tisn’t the right
place for it. Too many Germans about. Germans take things
seriously.”
Richard was right. Dorzheim did take this act of Deb’s with
great and exceeding seriousness. They had primarily consulted
Richard, and begged him to reprimand his sister, in the Teuton
spirit that the male, in all emergencies, takes precedence.
The pastor and the schoolmaster and Frau von Relling and
Herr Sanitäts-Rath Hauffe and Huldah van Sittart and Felix
Koch paid one another a succession of formal calls. Then
suddenly Frau von Relling called no more upon the Kochs
... and small wonder, since Frieda-Marie Hauffe had been
promised an exceptionally large dowry, and it was sheer
madness for Lothar to have imperilled this. True, Wanda
von Relling still came to Marianna’s At Home day; but this
was merely an act of defiance towards old Frau Koch (not on
speaking terms with Marianna) who had condoled with Frau
von Relling (not on speaking terms with Wanda) on her
affliction for which the younger Koch household was responsible.
And anyhow, all Dorzheim knew that Wanda had
tried to get Sigismund Koch and had failed; so naturally and
out of spite, she would choose to continue visiting at the
house of Felix (not on speaking terms with Sigismund)....
But all this led back to ancient history; and Dorzheim,
flushed and garrulous, was not to be diverted from the delicious
new scandal of the daughter of Herr Sanitäts-Rath Hauffe
insulted through the medium of the English girl staying with
the Felix Kochs. Well, and had she not flirted with Ralph
van Sittart as well? Half Dorzheim had seen her do it. The
other half of Dorzheim had noticed her drinking coffee with
Sigismund Koch; yes, actually setting her cap at him, the
buck of the town, the famous rake—Ach! and did Felix know?...
“And what was she doing walking alone in the woods
at that hour of evening?” demanded Frau Huldah with relish:
“Do modest maidens walk without escort? Though to be
sure I have heard her say she is already twenty-three; doubtless
she is in fear she will be left sitting.” “And Lothar von
Relling is a Protestant; has been confirmed only half a year
ago, with my Karl; that comes of it, then, when one permits
oneself to be intimate with a Jewish family; I could have told
Frau von Relling....”
The scandal threatened to broaden into religious controversy.
And Frieda-Marie, poor wormling, was, ach, inconsolable!
Hitherto in Dorzheim a betrothal was sacred. Others of our
sons may follow Lothar von Relling’s example of insubordination.
To prevent which calamity, Lothar was first expelled
from the Gymnasium; then locked into his bedroom; visited
alternately by the pastor and the schoolmaster; finally,
banished to an aunt and uncle in Dresden. Lothar went,
darkly uplifted in his martyrdom; thrilling to a certain deathless
memory; but wishing, nevertheless, that before going
he might have had a word or two with Frieda-Marie, of whom
he was very fond, and who was after all his betrothed....
Still without a smile, Dorzheim settled down to see what
Deb would do.
Deb did quite a lot. She was heady with her first draught
of conspicuous unpopularity. Vivid and defiant and a little
frightened too. Never before had she found herself so the
centre of animated disapproval. And as none of those who
disapproved were of the people who mattered to her, she was
not hurt, nor cast down, but merely possessed by the mischievous
wish to do her worst on the propriety of Dorzheim; to
avenge their harsh dealings with inoffensive little Lothar von
Relling; to yield them more and more material for spiteful
gossip. In brief, to earn their condemnation—these folk,
who would not, could not, laugh.
She had plenty of social opportunity for exploiting her
histrionic demon. For whatever Dorzheim’s private opinion
of Deb, etiquette decreed that Frau Koch’s guest should be
shown “attention,” should be feted and entertained. Dorzheim
did its duty by Deb, and so considered itself free to censure
her. She was invited to attend numerous afternoon
coffee-parties, and one big dinner-party at which lawyers and
doctors and their wives formed the majority, and Felix Koch
was the only banker, as he gleefully informed Deb. She learnt
then for the first time the exact ladder of snobbery, of which
the apex is the nobility; thence on a descending scale to the
military—the professionals—bankers—merchants—clergy and
schoolmasters—everybody heedful of their head among the
feet on the rung above; everybody ignoring the humbler
position of their own feet. Jews had their own parallel ladder
of snobbery; and actors and artists were not properly considered
on any ladder at all.
The great event of her stay was a Masonic entertainment,
where she was conspicuous in her dead-black crêpe-de-chine
evening-dress. “An unmarried girl in black—Gott in Himmel!
And brunette too; had she been a blonde, one might have
forgiven her, though even then——” Most of the other ladies
wore afternoon toilet; and a few were in tartan blouses with
the neck ripped out, and dark skirts. At this party Deb made
the acquaintance of the owner of the largest jewel factory in
Dorzheim; who the next day formally conducted her over
the premises; into the cavernous underground workshops;
dimness speckled by small shaded red lights; at each separate
table a man in tinted blinkers intent on a heap of precious
stones that he would sift carelessly through his huge hairy
fingers, before selecting one for his mysterious tools. None
of these men looked up as their employer and his party passed
among them. Deb felt the sunless air choked up with hatred
and menace; the whirring of the thousand little machines
oppressed her; it was an evil place—and she remembered
Koch’s allusion to the Socialist influence and possible trouble....
Home-life did not exist for the Kochs; every evening, when
no set form of entertainment was offered, Felix and Marianna,
Deb and Richard, sat in the big restaurant in Lindenstrasse;
sat there for two or three hours, drinking coffee or syrups,
eating sweet cloying cakes; while the men roared their politics
or slammed the domino-cubes on the table, and slowly obliterated
their womenfolk in clouds of foul smoke. The group
about the Kochs was always a large one, and included the
younger brothers who had been hastily sent for from neighbouring
towns on rumour of Deb’s enormous dowry. Deb
was herself responsible for this rumour. It was one of her
first acts of devilry. Actually it procured her three proposals
... her excited fancy multiplied these to a grotesque figure
out of all proportion to the truth. The trio of smug-correct
young men, overwhelming her with staccato bows and wired
nosegays and compliments which an intelligent child of ten
might have disdained, made their offers of marriage almost
simultaneously, and were all three accepted, with meek surprise
that they should care for a portionless damsel ... at
which they melted to the limpness of three candles left in a
strong sun, and melted out of Deb’s sight, and melted away from
Dorzheim. And two of them, because they had begun to love
her, kept silence as to the reason for their withdrawal. But
Ludo Salzmann wrote vindictively to the sister-in-law who
had summoned him. And Deb, compelled in self-respect to
commit one villainy the more, accepted Sigismund Koch’s
invitation to drink tea with him in his rooms ... “English
fashion—yes, I have dwelt some time in England.”
He had been accidentally introduced to her at the Lodge
entertainment. And afterwards Felix remarked wrathfully,
and hardly in the spirit of Masonic or natural brotherhood:
“You are not to speak to that fine fellow. You understand?
Not with my consent. Hundert-tausendteufel!—and what
did you think of him?”
“He’s very handsome,” demurely.
“Ach, he is a scoundrel! And do you know what they call
him in the town, with his brown curly beard and pale face?
They call him Jesus Christus. That’s a joke, you see.” Felix
laughed uproariously, and Richard asked: “Why is it a joke,
sir?” “But can’t you see? He, my brother, is a Jew ...
and they call him Jesus Christus!” “But Jesus Christ was
a Jew,” argued Richard stolidly. Koch stared at him. The
English had no sense of humour. He turned the conversation
from wit to politics: “What in your opinion are the present
aims of Mister Usskeess?” But Richard was unable to fit
the name to any English statesman of his knowledge, so did
not take up the challenge.
With all his reputation of a fascinating rake, Sigismund
behaved at his tea-party with exemplary decorum. Moreover,
he had invited his mother to be present. Deb liked him better
than any one she had met since her arrival in Germany.
“What are you doing in Dorzheim, for goodness’ sake,
child?” This query he put when he was escorting her home.
Deb laughed. “I wish I knew. I ran away from a
scrape——”
“To find yourself in worse scrapes here?”
“You’ve ... heard something about me?”
His eyes twinkled. “Tongues wag in Dorzheim.”
“May—may I come to you about it ... if things get bad?”
For in spite of bravado, she was becoming apprehensive of the
sly malice ever more apparent in Marianna’s conversation; of
the enmity piling up against her; and of a vague, more impersonal
enmity which, strangely, seemed to loom behind.
“Heaven protect me—and you too!” exclaimed Sigismund
in mock horror. “And you suppose Dorzheim would regard
me, me of all people, as a suitable confessor for your sins?”
It was evident that Sigismund prided himself on his reputation
as a “dangerous man.”
“Where have you been this afternoon?” demanded Felix.
“To your brother’s flat. It’s—it’s—a very pretty flat, isn’t
it?”
The banker grew livid. “I tell you, Fräulein Deb, he is
trying to marry you for your money.”
“He did not try anything of the sort!” indignantly. “And
I have no money. And your Frau Mama was there.”
“That was an arranged insult to me,” Marianna declared.
Marianna was enraged because her well-planned intentions
with regard to her husband and Deb had miscarried. Yet
more enraged, because they had not quite miscarried. Moreover,
Sigismund happened to be the unknown rival whom
Felix suspected in the background. If this does not accord
with his care in providing an adequate chaperone for the little
English rebel who so indiscreetly accepted an invitation to
his rooms, let it be remembered that there is no element
with whom the true rake deals more circumspectly than with
girlhood ... until he reaches the age when chastity becomes
desirable instead of formidable.
Marianna was further enraged because Felix had said he
could not afford visitors and fur cloaks. The von Rellings
had ceased to call. And now Deb was drinking tea with her
mother-in-law—and not even bothering to lie about it.
And yet, when Richard proposed abruptly, at supper, that
they ought to be thinking of departure, both his host and
hostess were unable to stem themselves in mechanical utterance
of their habitual code of protest and renewed hospitality:
“But certainly you must not dream of leaving us yet—we shall
not allow it—you have been with us so little time—it is such
a pleasure. No, no, indeed you must not go....”
The next day, most of the workmen in the factories went
on strike. Those who refused were attacked as blacklegs.
The quaint, sunshiny streets were hideous with brawling.
And Deb could no longer with safety be allowed to take her
solitary walks, which were the only relief from the strain of
Marianna’s perpetual smiling hatred.
By degrees, her feverish mood of excitement evaporated
entirely. She began to dread stumbling over the traces of
her own joyous misdemeanour. Was there no careless youth
in this tight, compressed little city of envious wranglings and
complicated feuds and bitter snobbery? It struck her with
a shock that Dorzheim seemed to contain no element between
subdued childhood and ambitious or self-satisfied matrimony.
Something ominous was afoot; she was no longer the centre
of interest; men came and went on short journeys; men
held whispered conferences, excluding their womenfolk. Deb
felt ever more urgently the need for departure. But she was
waiting for a letter from her family to say when they intended
leaving Switzerland; and if she and Richard were to rejoin
them at Montreux, or at home in England. The letter was
delayed; morning after morning she expected it, and it did not
come. It ought to have contained money for the journey....
Dorzheim was no longer a funny little German town, inhabited
mainly by caricatures. It was a place of horror....
She was wakeful at nights; and musing at her window, she
saw, or thought she saw, long phantom trains glide without
shriek or rumble over the railway-lines some half-mile distant.
Black shapes of trains, no single window lit ... all night
they were creeping past in the darkness ... and the next
night ... and the next ... every time she rose from her
bed to look again....
“Deb, you know Austria declared war on Servia the other
day?”
“Yes. Well?”
“Seen the papers lately?”
“German papers!” scornfully; good enough for Germans,
of course, but——
“Russia has joined Servia, and Germany has declared war
on Russia, and—we’re in Germany. They say that France
will have to join up with Russia, and perhaps England with
France. Then there’s Holland and Belgium ... doubtful
if they can keep out....”
With a sound like the rush of bursting waters, Deb’s nightmare
ceased to be her private affair.... Bursting waters
... yes, a piece of music—Ravel, was it? She had heard
it before she left London—the Sorcerer’s ignorant apprentice
left alone with the magic broom ... trickle of water that
he summoned up ... torrents of water ... multiplying
devouring water ... it swamped the room and the corners
of the room and the street outside and the world beyond ...
gleeful swirls of water, unrelenting, irresistible, that pursued
and flooded every inch of dry ... every inch of dry ...
the music roared deafeningly in her head, drowning coherent
thought.... Somebody had touched the broom....
She told Richard about the fantastic procession of
trains.
“Troops, of course. Being hurried to the frontier. They
must have quenched all the lights. Didn’t want us to know
they were prepared.”
“Us? You and me?”
“England, you ass!” Richard grinned at the idea of a nation
plunged in darkness for the benefit of himself and Deb. Deb—umph!
he hunched his shoulders, and stared at her moodily.
He was responsible for Deb’s safety.
“You wouldn’t care to marry somebody here and settle down,
I suppose? It might come cheaper than hauling you along
to England. It would be sport getting through if I were
alone....”
“I’m sorry. No, I’d rather not settle in Dorzheim for good.
But we could go home by two separate routes.”
“Job enough to find one route, I should say. Stop ragging,
Deb; this isn’t a joke.”
“I’m sorry,” she murmured again, all womanhood abject
before the gruff commonsense of all manhood.
“That idiot Koch ought to have warned us. He must have
known something. We should have left here a week ago,
when I suggested it.... If it’s going to be a general flare-up,
then one jolly well wants to be in one’s own country, and not
in somebody else’s!”
CHAPTER III — I — II
Patriotism, even more than bunting-deep, is largely a matter
of habit. Before August, nineteen-fourteen, Richard had
rather taken his country for granted. Now he awoke to an
England that in return for years of security and a lazy pleasure
at the sight of so many red patches on the school-map, suddenly
exacted service—fighting service. Richard cursed his age;
welcomed any indication in the trend of things “out there”
that seemed to prophesy a minimum of three years’ activities.
“If only the war holds out till I can get to it!” He suffered
from disturbing premonitions of a peace signed and ratified
just one day before his eighteenth birthday.
War, as a pastime, a profession, an emotional outlet, fulfilled
every unspoken need of his temperament. He was a born
pugilist; he did not mind bodily discomfort; he was endowed
with splendid physique; he kept cool in emergencies; he had
an infinite preference for male society; he was under a firm
impression that he was devoid of that cumbersome burden
called imagination; he lacked graceful accomplishments.
What did the future hold for a boy of such capacities and
disqualifications? Nineteen-fourteen came like an answer
to an obstinate riddle.
And—confound it!—he was not yet sixteen.
Winborough had its Cadet Corps, which was a slight compensation
for the utter meaningless absurdity of Latin and
Greek—dead studies in a time of live history. At least, one
was preparing for a later share in the conflict. The ethics
of war and peace did not bother him. War suited him, as a
definite opportunity for concerted action; whereas peace
appeared a condition infinitely more difficult, more scattered
and involved and hesitant. Richard approved of the indubitable
simplicity of a nation at war: every mind thinking
alike; every effort directed towards the same end; loyalty
accepted as a predominant emotion, without need to fuss over
lesser problems of one’s personal age. He was animated as
yet by no special rancour towards the Germans.... Poor
old Grandfather was a German; rotten for him, these days!
Pater was naturalized, so he was all right (the yellow press
was not circulated at Winborough).... The natural conditions
of war demanded an enemy, and the Germans would do
as well as anyone else; better, in fact; for they were powerful
and well-prepared, so that there was an excellent chance
that hostilities would last till Richard was eighteen——
He always came back to that.
The Dunnes were both in the navy; Greville, just about to
join the Grand Fleet on H.M.S. “Canada”; young Frank,
still at Osborne. Richard spent this Christmas of Greville’s
final leave at Mrs Dunne’s jolly, crowded cottage in Essex, on
the outskirts of a little country town that was just about the
same size as Dorzheim.... He amused the Dunnes exceedingly
by his accounts of that place, and of his headlong scramble
home with Deb. It was something of an exploit to have been
caught in enemy territory on the eve of war: “If we had
started for home two days later, we shouldn’t have started at
all; they’d have kept us there for weeks, probably, and then
goose-stepped us over the frontier under strict official supervision.”
“Deb, not you,” Greville corrected. “I knew a chap of
our age who was at Dresden at the time, and they’ve interned
him over there.”
“Lord, not really! That would have been a swizzle, missing
all the fun, tucked away with a lot of rotten Germans——”
“They’d be English, you ass, in a German internment
camp.”
“M’yes, so they would. Still, one would be horribly out
of it all; not that Winborough’s much better”—reverting
to the old grievance—“I wish I’d plumped for the navy when
you did.”
Mrs Dunne smiled rather wistfully. “I wonder if your
father shares that wish of yours, Richard.”
“Dunno. Shan’t see him till Easter, I expect. I was glad
to be away these hols. out of all the fuss of moving. We’ve
let our house, you know.”
“You must have cheered when you got your hoof in England
again,” Greville remarked, reverting to the journey from
Dorzheim.
But instead of the “You bet!” one might have expected,
Richard was silent.... He was still shy of remembering the
rush of sentiment which had attacked him on arrival at Folkestone
that second of August, after three chaotic days and nights
through a continent that was screaming mad with war....
God bless these stolid English porters—these English engines
that knew reliably whither they were bearing the train—this
decent Sunday evening quiet everywhere.... Richard dug
his hands in his pockets and snapped his lips firmly as he strode
up the gangway of the boat; he was neither lunatic nor poet,
to shout aloud the pæan: “England, my England!” that
was tightening his throat and thrumming in his heart ...
but he had vowed, nevertheless, as he stepped on shore, that
he would prove to the utmost stretch of his powers a good
citizen, a loyal patriot. He was definitely grateful to his
country at this moment for its mere existence.
The emotion had died to a vague shame at having
made an exhibition of himself, even with himself as the only
witness. Yet now, as he bent forward to turn the chestnuts
roasting over the fire, and tossed a burnt one on to the lap
of Molly Dunne, Greville’s flapper cousin, he experienced the
kind of satisfaction with his surroundings which can best be
translated into a heartfelt grunt. They were the conventionally
right sort of people: Mrs Dunne, frail and pleasant; the
two boys in their blue and gold uniforms; Molly, tanned
brown as her own tangle of hair—an ugly kid, but good sport.
A rough little terrier lay on the hearthrug; everybody’s skates,
caked from recent use, sprawled all over the shabby chintz
furniture; and the big holly-twined portrait of the late Commander
Dunne domineered the room from above the mantelpiece.
Jolly things strewn about, too; the model of a Chinese
junk; bits of queer distorted coral and stone and shell; fantastic
weapons slung on the walls; photographs of battleships
and their crews—all these evidences of a sailor family, and
far lands, without in the least influencing the typically English
atmosphere of the room. If the Dunnes had settled in Japan
or Bulawayo, their apartments would still have been as—Dunne-ish.
These curios—they were just curios, neither more
nor less; and as such, were given their proper place.
Queer, reflected Richard, that before the spasm of homesick
misery which had thrust at him on a certain evening in the
streets of Dorzheim, he had never been consciously aware,
as at present, of a state of well-being. He supposed the contrast
had for good or for evil awakened him; and questioned glumly
whether it were altogether convenient to be at the mercy of
perceptions as sharpened and sensitive.
If this were Dorzheim, then the chestnuts would be gingerbread;
Greville and Molly would be “betrothed” by arrangement
of their elders; and Richard would be proudly noting
the fact that he was the one Jew with whom the Dunnes had
“traffic....”
Thank goodness, in England you could be a Jew, and hardly
even know it....
Jews ... but the Marcus children were yearly allowed to
hunt for hidden Easter eggs in their garden. Dorothea,
Ferdinand’s wife, had been the mildest of Protestants, as he
was the most tolerant of Israelites; and there were times
when bacon and matsas had appeared simultaneously upon
their table, not from any unadjusted clash of orthodoxy, but
merely that Ferdinand insisted on the British national breakfast,
and Dorothea had an eccentric liking for unleavened
bread when it was “in season.” Richard and Deb never
learnt any Hebrew, till the approach of the boy’s “Barmitzfa”
rendered necessary in his case a certain knowledge of the
language, easily forgotten. The occasion itself struck him
as mainly remarkable for the amount of presents he received.
Deb considered it distinctly unfair that boys should be able
to put in such a profitable extra birthday; she tried to get
quits in hard value, by accepting as often as offered the post
of bridesmaid, whether in church or in synagogue. Both
religious ceremonies made an equally profound impression
upon her—for an hour. The Marcuses did not keep up the
Jewish feast-days and holidays, and consequently the younger
generation were rather hazy as to their origin and significance.
Ferdinand made a half-hearted effort to keep them reminded
of the most important of these, so that they should not give
offence to such of their friends and relatives as were strict in
observance, by a blank stare of ignorance on receiving salutation:
“Muzzeltoff!” They wished each other a Happy New
Year quite impartially in the autumn and on the first of
January; and Christmas was a jovial mingling of whatever
customs were pleasantest of diverse creeds and countries.
Dorothea and Ferdinand had agreed that whatever children
might be born to them, should make their own choice of
religion, or no religion, when they were old enough. Themselves
had endured much from despotic parents, and were
eagerly and insistently broad-minded in their educational
intentions.
Old Hermann Marcus had sent his son to England on business
when the lad was barely twenty—a shy, plump, sweet-faced
little fellow, with bright brown eyes round with admiration
for England and England’s ways. Peremptorily recalled
to Bavaria after two years of Paradise, he summoned all his
courage, and—from a safe distance—defied the tyrant ...
somewhat tempering the grand effect of his rebellion by a
diplomatic postscript pointing out that in London he could
be of more service to the firm than in Munich; was rapidly
gathering custom; and hoped in a few years to be able to
marry. His father replied tersely that he was a thickhead,
had always been a thickhead, would always be a thickhead,
and was therefore admirably adapted by nature to settle down
in a nation of thickheads—“but in that case, you will at once
sever connection with my business.” Ferdinand dutifully
trotted back to Germany; spent several wretched months
in vain longings for his adopted country; and finally, not
being of that stuff of which heroes are made, sneaked back to
his Hampstead boarding-house, his tennis, his Sunday river-parties,
and mysterious November fogs, leaving his sister
Stella to break the news to old Marcus. The latter promptly
cut his son out of his will. Ferdinand perseveringly worked
himself up to a sufficiently good position on the Stock Exchange
to be able, at the age of twenty-seven, to rescue Dorothea
Ladislov from an uncongenial home, and marry her romantically
at the registrar’s. The pretty, black-haired girl was the
daughter of an aristocratic Czech family, which had settled in
England before she was born. She and Ferdinand had fallen
in love over their compared experiences of early years heavy
and burdensome with must-nots. Deb, directly she appeared
on the scene, flitted like a will-o’-the-wisp through dream-acres
of sunshiny freedom planned for her by her parents, entirely
from contrast with their own rigidly enclosed childhood. Not
all the present bliss in the world could quite compensate for
those best lost years. Deb should live carelessly radiant from
the very beginning—“Not spoilt, Ferdie; that’s different
and hateful. She must learn reasonable manners and control;
obedience even. Only there needn’t be so very much to obey.
And as soon as she can think for herself——”
“She shall dance to her own melodies. Ja, ja, it will be
pleasant to have a happy little daughter, not checked, not
afraid. And we must learn not to be shocked at her, as we
grow older. She shall know that we trust her. Indeed, yes,
it will be all right. When one is happy, one is also good.
Our parents never understood that.”
“It will be all right,” echoed Dorothea, her dark eyes tender
and luminous. “And we won’t grumble, or ask questions,
will we? Papa was always grumbling, and Mama asked so
many questions.... Ferdie, it would be terrible if we should
forget, and wake up one morning to find we were only ordinary
parents.”
She gave a little gasp of horror. Her husband took her face
between his hands and kissed it....
They made quite a pretty hobby out of extraordinary
parenthood.
Then, as if to remind them that the other species still existed,
when Deb was a wilful little creature of seven, came an imperious
summons from Ferdinand’s father, who most inopportunely
had decided to forgive them. The old thraldom held; they
had no option but meekly to submit to forgiveness. This
necessitated a journey to Bavaria—a long stay in Munich.
Stella was so glad of them, so glad of this young, laughing sister-in-law
in the house. But Marcus defied all tradition of stern
grandfathers by refusing to succumb instantly to the pretty
fearless ways of his first grandchild; in fact, he disapproved
so completely of Deb, her looks, her English education, her
unrebuked chatter, her clothes, her nurse, her loose shower
of black hair, of everything that was Deb’s, that she was kept
as much as possible out of his way. Sweet-natured and subservient
in all else, Ferdinand was implacable on the one
point: the old autocrat should not interfere with the happiness
of one more girl-child. Already he had doomed Stella
to spinsterhood; he forbade young men inside the house, and
forbade Stella outside the house. One conventional marriage
arrangement he had made for her with the parents of a
sufficiently wealthy suitor, who, however, turned from Stella
to a larger dowry. No father could be expected to do more
in the way of duty. An arrangement which Stella had the
temerity to make for herself, he countered by the simple
Teutonic method of locking her up, and shouting at her till
she was tired....
For Ferdinand, he had gained a slight respect. The boy
had at least managed to win some sort of commercial foothold.
“What do you reckon to make per annum, wass?”
“About six hundred to a thousand.” Marcus was distinctly
impressed: “Ach! as little as that?” Ferdinand enquired
after the old firm. “The profits are excellent, sir;
increasing yearly. Bah, did you think we should go to pieces
because you left us?” sarcastically.
The arrogant old merchant was lying. At Dorothea’s death
he was thankful for an excuse to let Stella go to England and
take over the charge of her brother’s household; thankful
for an excuse to cut down expenses ... the business was
rapidly running downhill. He warded off bankruptcy for
another eleven years—then came the irrevocable crash.
Ferdinand, who could not rid himself of the filial habit, immediately
wrote and offered his father a home with them.
So Hermann Marcus, at the age of seventy-seven, came to
England, to “Daisybanks,” in Lansdowne Terrace. He found
himself instantly relegated to a very comfortable back-seat
among his children and grandchildren. Ferdie, though still
timid in actual converse with his father, yet proved stubbornly
master in his own house; and Stella had developed a brisk
liveliness which was a true source of grief to her father. The
two now treated his attempts to bully them, with a semi-humorous
tolerance which the puzzled despot could only
ascribe to his loss of income—“Of course, if I were swollen
with money,”—with grim common-sense he resigned himself
to dependence and rheumatism; it comforted him to suppose
his loss of authority was due to material and not to moral
causes.
As for the third generation, he continued to disapprove of
Deb, but liked Richard infinitely better. “You’ve no eyes
for anyone but the girl,” he would growl at Ferdinand. “To
my two children I dispensed equal affection.” Ferdinand
smiled.... When he smiled he more than ever resembled
a cheerful little troll, his small ripe face a web of intersecting
spidery wrinkles. It was true that Deb was his darling who
could do no wrong; it was for Deb that he and Dorothea
had built up so many defiant immature plans—beautiful plans.
Dorothea had died for Richard’s life ... she would have
loved the boy best, if she had lived; Ferdie guessed it, and
conscientiously tried to supply a double quantity of favouritism.
But Richard was undemonstrative; had started the schoolboy
attitude even while his nurse was hopefully striving against
odds to turn him into a pretty dear, a Fauntleroy. At three
years old, his voice was gruff, his knees scraped, his manner
properly off-hand, his tastes independent; he called ladies
and gentlemen by their surnames, without prefix, when they
bent to caress “dear little Dickie.” It was disconcerting to
Ferdie’s kindly-disposed partners, misled by the white suit
and deep lace collar, to find heavy brows bent upon them,
while they were boomingly hailed as “Nash” and “Rothenburg.”
Aunt Stella, wisely accepting the inevitable, bought
her nephew a couple of rough navy-blue jerseys, a pair of
sturdy boots, and a Newmarket overcoat; Nurse lamented
that this latter article was not in white bunny-fur—“Master
Dickie looks such a darling in white.” “He looks something
between a burglar and a prize-fighter in anything; for the
future, Nurse, he had better be known only as Richard.”
“Oh, Madam, he’s but a baby yet!” Richard overheard,
and: “I’m but a baby yet,” he pleaded with dignity the
next time his father attempted to administer mild but well-deserved
chastisement. From sheer astonishment, Ferdie let
him off.
And after that, he seemed to be always at school, or “knocking
round with other chaps.” He fell into frequent scrapes,
and usually managed to fall out of them again without extraneous
assistance. He stolidly kept a place in class a little
above half-way, without spurts or lapses. His philosophy
was eminently suited to practical needs; he kept his ugliness
well brushed and tubbed and free from eccentricity, and his
slow white grin had a bewildering fascination.
“Our young Richard, my dear,” commented Aunt Stella
to Deb, “reminds me of the best quality of almond rock;
you take it home, and prepare for a treat, and then you find
the sweetshop girl has forgotten to break it up for you.” She
spoke English perfectly, but with foreign vivacity and a strong
foreign accent. “Richard has never been broken up; he is
unwieldy; he cannot be put in the mouth.”
“But he is of the best quality,” Deb quickly defended him;
and was silent for a moment, thinking about Richard. She
adored the boy; was content to know that she came first
with him, though he rarely saw her, and still more rarely spoke
to her except in the ordinary way of younger-brother teasing.
“Aunt Stella, Richard isn’t so stodgy as he likes to think he
is,” she said suddenly. “Do you know, twice I’ve seen him
nearly hysterical.”
“My child, you’re dreaming.”
“I’m not. Once was because a wasp was circling over his
plate, and wouldn’t go away. And the other time was over
a book.”
“Dear me, what book?”
But Deb was sorry now she had spoken so impulsively.
Stella Marcus had a disconcerting way of making every subject
seem as a hollow ball with a tinkle inside, to be lightly tossed,
twice, thrice, and then let fall ... to roll away.
“What book?”
“‘A Tale of Two Cities.’”
“Oh, every little boy cries over that.”
Deb had lied. It was not “The Tale of Two Cities,” but
an account of the Dreyfus case.
This first war Christmas of nineteen-fourteen, the Marcuses
moved out of their house in Lansdowne Terrace. The Stock
Exchange was one of the definite places where a man of German
extraction could be made to feel uncomfortable; very uncomfortable.
Ferdinand Marcus did not complain of the
cold-shouldering he received. “It’s natural, Stella; every
time I open my mouth they are bound to be reminded.” But
then some arbitrary stockbroker accused him publicly of
being a spy and a traitor ... and Marcus quickly resigned
his partnership in the firm of Nash, Rothenburg and Marcus;
and withdrew to live as best he might on his income. The
little man was hurt and sorrowful; he loved England passionately—he
had renounced Germany and chosen England from
motives of pure love. Not all the sons of Germany are as
violently attached to the Fatherland as the Fatherland would
like to make out. Some among them have resented the prison-wall
system, the prevalent aggressive despotism that crushes
out their human ways and wishes. So they had come to
England, and had found a difference, and had stayed....
“Especially we Jews find the difference,” Ferdinand explained
to his sister, when he told her what had occurred on the Exchange.
“They don’t realize, over here, how the Jews are
still treated in Germany. And so they won’t believe that
our loyalty to a country adopted is not hypocrisy, and that
we can be truly glad if England wins the war. Stella, I wish
they would believe it; I wish they would.” His lips trembled
with the pathos of a child who has received an unmerited
snubbing. “What ho! who cares?” he cried jerkily. Ferdie
took pride in his collection of English slang; a pride which
dated back to his enforced return to Germany, thirty-two
years ago, with a few typical samples of the period. Stella
remembered how he had kept up his forlorn spirits by use of
such defiant oddments as “By Jingo,” “Here we are again,”
“It’s all my eye and Betty Martin,”—“What’s that?”
thundered his father, overhearing. Ferdie, blushing crimson,
tried to explain that Betty Martin was the name of a lady—and—and
the rest was idiom. “You will hold your mouth,”
came the irritable edict....
Now—“What ho! who cares?” But he was miserable at
the necessity for leaving his home. He was at that ripe pippin
stage of the late forties when comfort, sentiment, and beaming
good-humour make a happy blend of man. His voice had
loudened to a hearty geniality. When he sat in a chair, he
expanded and filled it out. On the anniversaries of Dorothea’s
death and of their wedding-day, he did not go to business,
but put white flowers under her portrait, and sobbed tenderly
and unashamedly over the memories aroused. He liked
standing with his carving-knife at the head of his own table,
with a well-roasted joint in front of him. He liked Christmas
carols, and happy faces, and giving presents to his family, and
surprises, and Deb’s arms round his neck while she pleaded
for some special treat; and songs with a bloom of mellow
sadness over them; and a tame landscape with a sort of
chubby frolic to it—cottage-children or lambs in the sunshine;
and well-worn slippers, and moonlight. If he had continued
to live in South Germany, he would no doubt have liked
Schumann and beer, and the Lorelei and charcoal-burners and
Grimms’ Fairy-tales. Perhaps these tastes still lingered on,
unsuspected, in his system, subservient to a solemn love for
the river Thames; he had given his heart to the Thames
while he was still a stripling, and no Rhine-memories could
alter the preference. Richard certainly should go to Oxford;
Ferdie looked forward to visiting him there; to some mysterious
festivity entitled Commem.
Above all, perhaps, he loved the sight of lovers. Lovers
such as he and Dorothea had been: compounded of joy without
ecstasy; sadness without anguish; youthful, blushing
lovers who held hands, and could be teased and blessed....
And later—“the bride was given away by her father.”...
And later still: “—of a girl” ... who would soon learn
to blow on his watch and crow when it flew open.
For of course he was thinking of Deb.
No parental coercion in her case; no prudent selection by
her elders. To that he was pledged; had not he and Dorothea
planned that Deb should seek out her own true mate in her
own good time, and bring him home?
And bring him home.... But home was “Daisybanks,”
Lansdowne Terrace. Ferdie’s pleasures were not of the
scattered order, but had associated themselves very closely
with just that click to the gate, announcing his home-coming
every evening; just that virginia creeper, matting one side
of the house in red; and just that half-acre of garden at the
back, where the sweet-william and the canterbury bells repaid
so gratefully his careful watering every summer evening,
though the hose still leaked at that one faulty portion of
rubber tubing.
“We shall have to tell them about that leak, Stella,” was
all he found courage to say, when his sister informed him that
she had already found a tenant to take over their expiring
lease, and to buy the furniture.
Stella was the practical person of the family. Stella had
beautiful white teeth, and a shrill excitable voice. Because
she rattled on incessantly, she was regarded by her contemporaries
as a wit; and her popular entrance into a room was
usually hailed uproariously, as though the assembled company
had been awaiting its jester. Her secret horror was to be
regarded as the traditional narrow-minded and intolerant old
maid; and to avert this she harped facetiously on the topic.
She owned a unique collection of the sort of cayenne “good
tale” which can always be relied upon to raise at least one
blush and one protest; and so by repartee and impromptu,
she managed to achieve an enfant terrible reputation, of which
she was as vain as younger girls of their conquests. Men
called her “a sport,” and would often drop into a chair by
her side, with the latest chuckle from Town Topics or the
Pink ’Un—“Nothing shocks Stella Marcus, you know!” ... and
certainly, as far as anything verbal was concerned,
Stella fancied herself well in the van of the New Movement.
But she did not realize that lip-service was no longer vassal
to emancipation; and that: “Do shocking things, not say
them all day long,” was the up-to-date rendering of Kingsley’s
advice; did not realize, in fact, that for all her breathless
determination, she was not quite able to catch up with Deb’s
generation.
Deb! ... of necessity she could not stand for a cipher
in Stella’s emotions; was bound to arouse love or hatred
... perhaps the conflict was not yet finally decided. For
Deb was not only the daughter she might have borne—if
Hermann Marcus had not interposed his bulky will between
Stella and Stella’s destiny, but also the girl she might have
been—again if Hermann had taken the same views of fatherhood
as Ferdie. Out of the non-fulfilment of Stella’s existence
had arisen Deb’s present Paradise of liberty; Stella
herself perceived that: herself the ashes and Deb the gaily-plumaged
phœnix. Ferdie, as a father, needed the tragic
example afforded him by his elder sister unmarried—for
marriage, when it is obviously a vocation squandered, is as
true tragedy as the squandering of some great gift. Stella
by nature had been just such a girl as Deb was now....
And she did not hate Deb, nor use her authority to baulk the
girl where herself had been baulked. To her credit, she took
instead a fierce, yet half-amused pride in flaunting Deb’s
emancipation from control, before the grimly disapproving
glare of Deb’s grandfather; it was revenge by proxy....
“You prevented me from acting thus—and thus—and thus—You
have no power here. Look—and look again: this is
what I should have been, this is what I should have done.
But all the spilt joy has been gathered into another cup—and
yours are no more the fingers at the handle!”... So Stella’s
long-shaped greenish eyes danced their wordless triumph at
her father; while Deb, innocent of interplay, was frankly and
chummily telling Ferdie about some successful impertinence
of girlhood.
She did not hate Deb. She did not love her either—at least,
not in any tender lullaby ways. If she exulted in Deb’s happiness,
promoted it wherever possible, defended her against
aggressive comment, nevertheless she was curiously aware all
the time that the relations between herself and Deb had not
reached completion; were hovering on the verge of something
fundamental and savage of either love or hatred—she did not
know. Meanwhile Deb, in her lordly childishness, was heartily
fond of Aunt Stel; and people remarked how nice it was that
Miss Marcus and her niece were almost like sisters together!
It was Stella who arranged that they should temporarily
move into a boarding-house till Mr Marcus was able to ascertain
more exactly what his very reduced income was likely to be.
Some of his money was invested abroad, and nobody knew
how long the war would last.... It was best not to enter
upon a definite mode of living just now; and she did not care
about house-keeping in apartments; their own house, or
nothing.
Montagu Hall in South Kensington would do very well;
she and Deb were each to have a small single room; Ferdinand
shared a double bedroom with his father, who required a certain
amount of attention and nursing. Richard was going to
spend Christmas with the Dunnes, and therefore need not be
considered till the Easter holidays; and perhaps by then....
Stella Marcus, for all her caustic, jesting shrewdness, was
not aware that those who once acquire the boarding-house
habit will continue to say from season to season, from anniversary
to anniversary, from year to year: “Perhaps by
then ...;” will never own that they have settled down to
unsettlement.
They drew up with all their baggage at about five o’clock on
the second of January. As the front door was opened to them,
a voice from the hall rasped out into the foggy air:
“—I like a dog to be a dog, not—Shut that door, can’t
you?... Oh, I see——”
Three men were standing about in the hall, smoking. The
owner of the rasp also possessed a long domed head, crude
pink where the hair had worn away on top, and a face of the
same nursery pink, ploughed by implacable lines of opinion
and ill-humour. He stopped his complaint, and stared with
curiosity at the newcomers passing through the hall.
CHAPTER IV — I — II — III — IV
Deb knelt in front of the squat sturdy oil-stove with “Cora”
gold-lettered across its front, and began carefully to trickle
a supply of kerosene into the tank. Cora was essential to the
evening’s enjoyment of her three votaries; their friendship
grouped itself round her personality, and Aunt Stella, whose
wit ran fatally in the direction of punning, had even dared to
nickname their union the Chorus.
Deb knelt, perplexed, musing, a vestal before the altar....
Cora was six weeks old, and was just losing her first fragrance
when Deb bought her.... “Does anyone want an oil-stove
cheap?” she demanded, rushing like tragedy upon the
assembled company in the lounge of Montagu Hall Hotel.
“With saucepan, feeder, gallon-can, and all my illusions,
complete for five-and-tenpence?”
“My dear child!” cried Stella, “Cora has been yours for
exactly half a day.”
Deb sank down despairingly on the fender-seat. “Five-and-eightpence,”
she amended. Then, darkly: “To be bested
by a rotten little piece of ironmongery one foot by two——!”
“Does she smell?” Jenny Carew exclaimed impulsively;
“oh, then something must be wrong with her.” (They commented
afterwards how queer it was that never for an instant
had Cora been “it” to any of them; always “her.”) “Do
let me take her to pieces for you, and put her together again.
Do let me, Miss Marcus. I haven’t had a thrill for ages. And
if I fail I’ll buy the fragments for Bobby to play with. Dolph,
who did we last lend our screw-driver to?”
Her husband, morose and bearded, was not interested in
Cora. “Somebody who hasn’t given it back.”
“All right, Mrs Carew; and you can have the bits for Bobby
anyway, when you’ve thrilled long enough. I don’t want the
little brute, whole or in pieces; I would have thrown her out
of the window, but just at that moment she threw me out at
the door. She certainly has character, and a perfumed soul,
and—and I was so happy, carrying her home in my arms
this morning.”
Someone spoke indolently from the deepest armchair at
the best corner of the fire. “Miss Marcus, I’ll buy your disillusion
for five-and-eightpence.”
“Will you? Will you really? Do you want her?” Deb
looked across at him shyly. The soldier had not been long at
Montagu Hall; rarely spoke, except, lately, to Jenny; and
generally did not give an impression that he could be stimulated
from a state of sunken lethargy for anybody on earth.
“Not for myself. Heaven forbid! But my men are always
shouting for more stoves. Doubt if even Cora could throw
half a hundred lusty fusiliers out of their recreation room. I’ll
have a look at her, if I may.”
He and Jenny and Deb went up to the second floor to inspect
Cora.
“There she is already ...” mourned Deb, on the first
floor landing.
Presently the three of them were standing with gaze fixed
in fascinated silence upon the object for purchase. There was
no other illumination in the room; Cora cast her spells in
hard blocks of white light and black shadow....
A boarding-house—an oil-stove—the soldier—Jenny Carew—it
struck Deb from what a bizarre rag-bag romance drew its
patchwork pieces. She stole a look at Burton Ames; he was
old; possibly about forty-six; and had an air of being neglected—neglectful:
his khaki slouched over his chunky shoulders;
his hair, grizzled fawn, was disordered and ragged; the corners
of his eyes gathered into wrinkles. Not young, not successful,
not handsome, and married ... she had heard him mention
a wife somewhere in the West Country.... Preposterous
that even for five swift seconds she should have received an
impression that the big thing might be hidden here for her—
And then she saw that Jenny’s charming little gamin face
was alive, and warm, and flickering as firelight; roguery achase
round her lips; tears on her brown, blunt lashes; promise
and mutiny and tenderness ... what was the matter
with Jenny? Slowly the soldier’s hand came out and closed
tightly round her arm, just above the elbow.... Deb, still
watching, almost winced at sight of the grip....
And then Ames let go; and flung himself down in the armchair
close at hand; and said, with the content of a man who
unexpectedly finds sanctuary: “Let’s stop up here. We
don’t want other people. I’m sick of the trail of other people
littering the house. I like it up here.”
Yes—but where was the place for Deb, in Deb’s room?
She had no need of married people; took it for granted that
the married man cannot lead by splendid sun-beaten ways to
finality; that a married woman has ever the advantage over
a maid, by won tranquillity of experience. She had no need of
these two. Then why did they leave it lying about under
her notice ... whatever it was they had found? The
atmosphere was neither amorous nor exotic; but Deb had
an impression as though the eternal man and woman had
just come home; and that at any moment he might commit
some little commonplace act—slip off his coat and hand it
to Jenny to be mended, to make significant the fact that they
were man and woman come home—
—In her room. Petulantly she turned away from sight of
Jenny’s face ... could she reach the door and get out before
Jenny’s lidded emotions brimmed over into action?—Too
late! ... Jenny’s arms were strangling Deb, Jenny’s scorching
lips were on Deb’s cheek and neck, Jenny’s half-sobbing
half-laughing runs and murmurings of incoherence were thrown
upon the unnatural silence ... “You darling—darling—darling!
I’ve wanted to hug you like this since the first
night you crept into the lounge. You’re such a beautiful little
thing ... isn’t she? Isn’t she? Oh, I’m so happy you’re
here—do let’s all three be pals—I hate everyone else in this
beastly place ... little funny, sorrowful, creamy kid, I
like you—I like you——”
And all the while her eyes were on the soldier. And all this
boundless slippery exuberance was for the soldier—at the
soldier—it did not matter upon what pretext it vented itself.
Warmth and excitement to spare for Deb too ... Deb felt
this, or she would have torn herself away from the embrace
... but Jenny was wholly unconscious that she was making
love to a man with a girl as the intermediary; she was no
self-analyst. But the soldier and Deb, in one look exchanged,
established that mental kinship which exists between those
who see things alike introspectively and from the outside view;
with meaning duplicated and tripled; made grotesque by
circumstance or contrast; backwards from the future, and
twisted this way and that by imps of irony; kinship of those
who can see with the chill impersonality of gods on Olympus,
and also with pointed application to their own tiny scheme of
things; restless subtle kinship of those who dream and those
who question.
And even as they silently hailed each other, he smiling a
little under his fair drawn eyebrows, and she very serious;
hailed each other through the froth and tumble of Jenny’s
excited talk, the white light which rayed the ceilings and walls
of the room, was sucked into soft inky chokiness....
“Little beast has gone out,” commented the soldier, in
disrespectful reference to Cora. “Light her again, and let’s
sit round and be comfortable.”
Of course Deb did not sell Cora.
Round Cora they hacked a sort of intimate privacy, with
privileges for their trio alone. Cora was their excuse, the
ostentatious cause of their withdrawal from the rest of the
boarding-house: they were going to smoke a cigarette with
Cora; they were going to fry potatoes on Cora; Cora was
depressed, and needed the instalment of a fresh wick. Perhaps
they rather overdid Cora; but the intangible need binding
them together needed to solve itself into tangible expression.
Cora, whether as an exaggerated joke or a temperamental
goddess, was ... convenient. “Are you coming home to
Cora to-night?” or “I saw Cora was lit, so I walked in!”
Deb was High Priestess of the Oil-can; Jenny, principal
engineer and mechanic; and the soldier serenely enjoyed
results, as was typical of him.
And then Stella Marcus crystallized their dependence on the
Cora legend into a pun. They took up the nickname—“The
Chorus meets to-night!”—schoolgirlish methods of allusion ... but
Jenny and the soldier had been battered by realities,
and welcomed the silliness of their present relapse. And Deb,
her soul a responsive barometer, sank alternately to the soldier’s
semi-humorous apathy of nothing-worth-while, and leapt
again to Jenny’s soaring irresponsibility.
The soldier had been thus labelled by Deb in the spirit of
irony, when he told her that he had been twenty-three years
in the army, and was not, as she had at first imagined, one of
that gallant mushroom crop raised by the call of war. He
had been in India and South Africa, Aden, Singapore, Malta
and Gibraltar. It was difficult to conceive of anyone less of
the accepted military type: an individualist of the let-me-alone
order; an atheist; a keen but destructive logician; a hopelessly
romantic pessimist; he could not understand ready-made
standards of conduct, of honour, of conviviality; would
not conform to the prevalent disposition to flock together, pray
together, stand or fall together. A soldier, even a good soldier,
without esprit de corps, was a deplorable spectacle; hardly
likely to prove an acquisition to the mess. His fellow-officers,
after a perplexed interval of acquaintance, were wont to pronounce
him a rum beast. To which, very occasionally, was
made the resentful addition: “Tries to be funny”—when
Burton Ames unleashed his weary but mordant form of
humour. He was more popular with his men, who appreciated
the eccentric interest he was prone to waste on them
singly and as persons, however much he depreciated them
collectively.
Fitly, he should have been apprenticed to some trade or
profession which combined the essentials of a sailor, an explorer,
a landed proprietor, a hermit and a carpenter. The career of
Robinson Crusoe answered all requisites to perfection....
Out of Deb’s little crowded room, made vivid by her own
books and pictures, he created for himself a sort of amateur
desert island, away from the gregarious herd in the smoking-room
and lounge and drawing-room downstairs. His own
room was bare and uncomfortable, as only a soldier’s can be
who has many times shifted camp, and without a woman to
look after him. And Jenny’s larger room was liable to intrusions
from Dolph and Bobby. But in Deb’s room he hung
curtains, and fiddled with Cora, and altered furniture, and
smoked his pipe, and examined books, and listened to Deb’s
wicked imitations of their fellow-boarders, and cooked potatoes
by his own home-made method of so many heart-beats to the
moment and so many moments to the boil, and confided in
Deb and Jenny his love of complete solitude, with ever-deepening
tranquillity of mood. Sometimes they all went out together
on some impromptu ramble leading to Hampstead Heath or a
cinema or a coffee-stall. But usually they were to be found
in a careless group round Cora; Burton Ames lumbering in
the only armchair; one figure a-sprawl on the bed; the other
flopped on the floor; accommodation of the soldier’s huge
inert limbs reducing to nil the already limited space. A
clammy February and bleak March urged a desire to huddle,
morally and actually. It was scarcely possible for one of
them to make a movement without brushing against one of
the others.... Sometimes Dolph would meander into the
room in funereal quest of his wife; and sometimes Aunt Stella
left her rubber of bridge to exchange a few jokes with Major
Ames. But for the most part they were tacitly left alone, or
unjustly alluded to as a “noisy gang” by Mr Gryce, whose
room was below theirs.
Ferdie Marcus was far too glad that Deb was occupied and
amused to question the propriety of this bedroom intimacy.
If all had gone well, if there had been no war, the poor child
would have continued in possession of her own sitting-room in
“Daisybanks,” where she had formerly received her friends—“ragged”
with her friends was the mysterious term applied—Ferdie
had, of course, appropriated it to his own use: “Na,
my darling, did you have a good rag this evening?”... He
gathered she was having a “rag” now; it was natural
to her age; but everything that Deb did, he whittled to fit this
assumption of nature—only natural that the child should
want to be out—only natural that the child should want to
be at home—“Leave them alone, Stella; Jenny Carew is
always present; it is only natural that Deb likes the company
of young folk. Forty-six, is he? All the better, then; a
harmless fogey, almost as old as I am; it livens him up to
be with Deb and the pretty little Carew—tells them tales of
war ... ho! ho! the new Othello. Only, Stella ... Papa
need not know what is going on—wass? He would not
understand.”
Harmless? Certainly Burton Ames intended to be harmless.
He did not believe himself in love with either Deb or
Jenny. He valued them for their companionship, for their
interest in himself, for their distinct and unique personalities.
They were a stimulating find among the heterogeneous nomads
of boarding-houses. He thought he liked them as two charming
boys. With his scorn for platitudes and for platitudinous
happenings, he underrated the dangers of propinquity. If
one were careful ... his careful attitude was his undoing;
it goaded Jenny and Deb out of shelter. They knew well
enough that from their reliance on—well, on Cora, was sure
to arise this equation of danger; they courted it, hunted it,
even. Ames was such an insistently masculine factor in that
room; a girl’s room. The very rough feel of his sleeve—Jenny
knew ... every time she moved.... And she was a restless
creature, forever thrilling her wings.
Jenny was just an atom of life-force, twinkling wildly, all
the time, in every direction; jostling to be noticed, petted,
admired; a gyrating dizzy mote in the sunslant; a savage
little brown bundle of sexual impulses. That was primarily
Jenny. Funnily opposed to this, some of her instincts and
education and ways of speech were those of the typical suburban
sparrow: she was suspicious of people who could correctly
pronounce foreign languages; scoffed at what she called “highbrow
stuff.” What else was Jenny than this? Most of all,
perhaps, an insatiable mother; wearing herself out in service
to anyone sick or bothered; proud of these calls on her reputation
for quick practical efficiency. Cooking, bandaging,
scrubbing—she had five brains on each hand. Her notion of
spoiling a beloved person was by virtue of touch ... a
smother of kisses ... chair and cushions and fire ... healing
contact of warm flesh upon flesh ... cosseting ways
that were all the realities she knew or cared about. “That
sort of rubbish never did anyone a bit of good!” she would
interrupt with almost shrewish impatience, when Deb and the
soldier were astray in realms ethical or fantastic. Life was
four walls and a roof—babies within, and the smell of dinner,
and sacrifice, and somebody crying, and body’s pain....
A little fun to be squeezed in at the cracks; fun that was
substantial, and never ethereal; fun that was crowds and a
pretty dress, a waltz, chocolates, a bottle of wine, a ride in a
motor-car....
And love was just touch again—for Jenny.
Jenny had no reserves and no discrimination; she could
hastily damn a stranger to perdition without any attempt
at sane reasoning—and a week later one would find her impenitently
ensconced at the other extreme of judgment. She
was not actually beautiful: a small, round head, and a small
round chin; brown sloe eyes tilted at the outer comers; round
the eyes and mouth a crinkling resemblance, mirthful, mournful,
to a baby monkey; Bobby, her young son, had inherited
this. But her eyebrows were delicate umber sickles on the
low white forehead. And she could look all things in a second’s
space of time....
Jenny had been given sordid tragedy for her lot on earth:
poverty of the shoddiest kind; illness that had brought her
three times gaspingly close to death. And she had come out
well in the test ... better, perhaps, than a schooled philosopher.
Loyal to Dolph, competent in the bread-struggle,
plucky in the very extremities of pain. To Deb and the
soldier she was a sort of Complete Home on tour. He, especially,
seemed to rely on her for the daily wants of an ordinary
man adrift and ill. For he was already a victim of the war;
shell-shock and neurasthenia had left him incompetent for any
more strenuous job than his present light ordnance duties.
Jenny rejoiced in the very egoism which brought him to her
at all times with some slow ponderous helplessness to confide:
“Look here—what am I to do?”—She gave prodigally,
without thought of barter. And as between her husband
and Ames existed that casual masculine friendship which
blooms mainly on the borrowing and lending of matches, she
was able, under cover of this, to cosset him to her heart’s content;
run into his room with soup and custards when he was
laid up, ask for his clothes to patch and darn—all the little
real things ... advantages of a married woman again....
Deb fretted against her own disabilities. It seemed that Jenny,
without cheapening herself in the soldier’s esteem, could softly
trail her fingers across his furrowed brows ... murmur:
“Darling, how hot your head is!” ... Deb’s modesty bled
in scarlet on her cheeks and neck. Jenny, how can you? how
can you? ... and oh, if I could only do the same! But she
was still dream-crusted with the convention that a man shall
avow, and a girl deny or concede; could not force herself to
reverse the process, even though Jenny scored—scored all the
time.... The soldier’s head lay for an instant drawn back
against Jenny’s shoulder. Jenny, magically stilled by the contact,
was crooning a song that the sea might have composed to the
beloved vessel at last in harbour. Deb, wistful of the other’s
frank facility in wooing, redly ashamed lest the soldier should
despise it, hating Jenny for giving him cause to despise it,
mutinous at her own instinctive adherence to girlhood’s creed,
Deb whispered to herself in promise for this empty moment:
“When I am married....”
“When I am married”—and marriage is found with love
as surely as the picture-coupon in the opened packet of cigarettes,
inessential but inevitable. Yet here she had fallen in
love where no ultimate together-being was possible; even no
passionate response forthcoming. Then was this love at all?—hitherto
accepted as a divided flame burning to some splendid
fulfilment....
Deb knelt in front of Cora, perplexed, musing; a vestal
before the altar. What if she had envisioned the altar of
romance as a mountain-peak in the sunset? Here it was a
mat before an oil-stove. An altar, nevertheless, where she
made painful sacrifice of illusion. For love was complete in
itself, without past or future. She might not put eager
question, before admitting love: is he young? is he free?
does he care? does it hold chance of the final happiness?
But she must accept it, barren and bitter and an unshared
burden, a journey without ultimate lure of rest. Love was
the big thing—the conviction remained. Only she had thought
it conditional. And it was absolute.
... Slowly she lit a match, and applied it to the wick.
From the mirrors and walls of the many-cornered room, a
dozen Debs rendered variation of her dense black hair, her
thick storm-grey eyes, and lustreless ivory skin. For Deb’s
looks were of that mutable type which inspired every fourth-rate
art faddist to paint her Holding a Melon; or in a Blue
Jacket; or with head flung back against their favourite bit
of Chinese drapery; or absorbed in the contents of a dust-bin
(symbolic realism); or as a figure on an Egyptian frieze; or
as Mary Magdalene; or as a Wood-nymph pursued by Silenus;
or as a coster girl dancing to a barrel organ by naphtha-lights;
or merely as “Deborah, an Impression”—till the sight of
Deb herself was a repose from these fantastic and distorted
relics of pre-war art-phases.
Deb as Reverie of a Girl, was so absorbed that she let the match
burn down to her fingers before she was recalled to actualities.
Quickly she let it drop; and at the same moment Jenny rushed in:
“The Chorus is off for to-night, Deb; isn’t it a shame?
Mad’m llorraine is giving a squawking party in her room, and
you and I have been specially invited.”
This was catastrophe.
“Oh Jenny—must we? Hasn’t she invited the soldier?”
“Out of compliment to us two, yes. But she can’t stick
him, really, because he doesn’t jump about opening doors like
a foreign monkey-on-a-stick.”
“I wish he would open some doors—to-night. I know
exactly what will happen, Jenny: La llorraine will say:
‘Come, now we will be truly cosy!’—and immediately block
all forms of ventilation. And then she’ll sing as if she were
let loose again in the Paris opera-house, and I shan’t know if
it’s my head bursting, or the walls and ceiling, or her voice.
Old Gryce will object, and so will grandpapa, but they won’t
take any steps, because each one will be afraid of putting a
stop to something that is annoying the other more than
himself——”
“Darling idiot, why did you ever say you wished you could
hear her sing?”
Deb wailed: “I didn’t know that it meant a prima-donna’s
powerful mezzo-soprano in a bed-sittingroom already containing
two suites of Louis Quinze furniture, and forty-two
cases of fur cloaks, and a permanent dog with permanent
asthma, and an anthracite stove fire, and a grand piano, and
complicated domestic arrangements for producing food at a
moment’s notice, and a clothes-line, and litter from their last
year’s variety entertainment, and My Child My Solace complete
with curls——”
Jenny stopped laughing as the last item was catalogued.
“Dolph’s potty about her....”
“About Manon....” Deb nodded gravely. She and
everybody else had noticed what was so blatantly happening.
She cuddled on the floor beside Jenny’s knees, and leant her
cheek against the other’s dangling hand; then she slid her
lips along the smooth warm arm the whole way up to the
elbow.... One comforted Jenny by Jenny’s own methods.
For the coming of La llorraine and her daughter to the
second floor of Montagu Hall Hotel had made a difference to
the Chorus. It was not so tight-fitting. A rival cluster of
intimacy had been established by the newcomers, Stella Marcus,
and Dolph Carew; and Jenny was perforce drawn into it
from time to time ... Dolph was insistent that she should
be kind to Manon, aged sixteen. And La llorraine, with her
overpowering conviviality, had sought to make an undivided
bohemian settlement out of the bedroom inhabitants of the
second floor; all doors open at all times, and a general pooling
of minor difficulties.... “Now Stella, my dee-urr, will you
be kind and count me that washing while Manon play with
Bobby Carew and I buy a von-derful cream cheese for the
Countess who dejeuners with me in my room to-day. Then
need I say, my dee-urr, that I expect you to com’ in and share.”
And Stella, who took delight in La llorraine, replied: “Chère
Madame, you are as generous with your Countess as with your
cheese.”
La llorraine stood for the Continent, as the Continent ached
in the memory of those who had loved it before 1914. Not
for any one country or another, but for all the gay cities:
Paris, Vienna, Berlin, Rome, St Petersburg ... irrespective
of the distinctions of war. Actually, she was born in some
small town on the divisions of Russia and Poland. Her present
appellation, which covered stage and private use, could, in its
initial eccentricity only be explained by the admiration
awakened in her on first encounter with ffoulkes, ffolliott, and
ffrench.... “My dee-urr, but what an advertisement!
Bah—I know how to catch that public by the ear. They are
swine, I tell you ... but this will br-r-ring them in millions.
You will see!” So she became La llorraine. And as La
llorraine, she stood for every aspect of continental life; garret,
and hotel and court; grande dame, and then third-rate
mummer; the popular artiste, or the good thrifty woman
who can cook succulent dishes for her household. Physically,
she was built on a magnificent scale, and always wore plain
and expensive black—save for breakfast, when she horrified
the boarding-house by appearing in a soiled dressing-gown,
red-and-gold Turkish slippers, and a knitted blue woollen
shawl over the short dyed yellow hair which formed such a
crazy mop to her clear-cut aristocratic face, long and pale,
with kind eyes and delicate, sneering mouth. There was no
adventure of the demi-monde too lurid for imagination to cast
her as heroine; and against that she could whisper mysterious
tales of court intrigue, and call Grand-Dukes by their pet
names, with an air that betrayed her a careless participant of
their intimate revels.
Fiercely she adored Manon, whose hair hung in streaked
yellow curls over her shoulders, and from whose red, greedy
little wolf’s mouth one could envisage the dart of a red pointed
little tongue. Manon fulfilled all expectations as the foreign
ingénue: soft, lisping voice, demure eyelids. In a frequent
spasm of recollection, La llorraine would dismiss her from the
room when the conversation was too adult for due preservation
of a maiden’s bloom; but on those occasions that her mother
forgot to dismiss her, no doubt Manon picked up much valuable
information.... Certainly, whether from innocence or art,
she managed Dolph Carew exquisitely, never seeming aware
of an infatuation so blatant that it shrieked itself aloud at
every moment; yielding not a dewdrop of her freshness to
his importunity; and at the same time contriving to keep him
attached and useful. “My dee-urr,” La llorraine declaimed
to Stella Marcus, “such a clown for my Manon?—not for anything
in that world. I have ... plans for her!” ... a
queer impression stealing on the heels of her remark, that
Manon was designed to be mistress of a third-rate illegitimate
royalty of a fourth-rate kingdom.... A faded Louis drawing-room
in vieux-rose—an old roué bowing his entrance ...
waxed moustache and imperial ... careful buttonhole....
“I have sent for my little daughter!” regally from La
llorraine.
Grumbling prophecies were afloat in Montagu Hall, that
some catastrophe was bound soon to happen among that
second-floor crowd—the Carews, the Marcuses, Burton Ames,
and—with vindictive inflexion—those disreputable mummers!
It was really getting insupportable; and fancy Mrs Carew
taking no steps about her husband’s ridiculous behaviour with
that nasty little thing in ringlets, but to be instead forever
running after Major Ames, who isn’t my idea of an officer—not
at all well-set-up—and the noise—and in and out of the bedrooms—how
Mr Marcus can allow his daughter ... but it
isn’t as if they were English, no, nor Dutch either, although they
never said they were. Did you know that they dressed up
on Christmas Eve, all the lot of them, and had a procession
up and down the stairs, and the—girl—wore—tights?——
Thus Deb mimicked with diabolical accuracy, the existing
Drawing-room Opinion.
“And very attractive you looked in ’em, darling!”
“Jenny, I believe when our gang was singled out for influenza
last month, they looked on it as an awful visitation
of justice; a sort of plague of Egypt.”
“Perhaps it was. Everyone in the house escaped it except
our landing. Do you remember the day I had bolted five
aspirin, and the soldier sauntered in, and looked at me, and
thought I was dying, and gasped out: ‘Oh, I w-won’t detain
you.’ Ass!—but I think it saved my life, I laughed so.
And the night I was so awfully bad that Dolph specially got
up out of bed to make a cup of Bovril for Manong?”
“Don’t, Jenny! I ... I hated him, that time.”
“Ah, well, I’ve had some jolly enough razzles with old Dolph;
he can’t help it when he gets taken this way.” Into Jenny’s
tones had crept that note of possessive defence that one hears
from the woman in the police-court, shrewishly denying the
black eye given her by her “man.” “Poor old boy! he’s
gloomier than ever; but then I married him because he
reminded me so of Martin Harvey. Dolph says that Manong
makes him feel pure again, which is out of my line as I forfeited
my purity in his sight by having married him. It sounds a
bit mixed up, and I don’t quite see where I come in—with the
washing on Saturday morning, I s’pose. Only I’m hanged if
I don’t have my little fling too.”
“Does Dolph mind the soldier?”
“Lately he does; haven’t you noticed? yellow with
jealousy; tries to keep both eyes on his wife, and not lift
them off Manong; wants to confide his woes in me, and take
the high moral stride as well. Can’t be done, my lad! But
it was quite a rag during the ’flue, Deb; we were all able to
take patterns of each other’s dressing-gowns, weren’t we?
La llorraine in ermine and her head tied up in a duster was a
treat. She and your aunt can tell some smoke-room stories
when they get started—my word! Dolph was shocked—afraid
Manong would hear.”
“The soldier was bad that one week.”
“Wasn’t he? And wouldn’t let me do much for him either,
worse luck. I almost wondered if I should have wired for his
wife, off my own bat. But he’d have been so furious.”
“Why? doesn’t he like her?”
“Child—don’t you know? he’s crazy about her....”
“Oh....”
“Didn’t you know? Why else do you suppose he’s so
precious backward with us? Hang it, Deb, we’re not exactly
unattractive. The chances he’s had.... Another man
would have worn my throat away with his lips at it, before
now!” Jenny clenched her hands passionately. “Deb,
haven’t you noticed that he’s never kissed either of us?”
“Yes. I had noticed.”
“He told me the whole story, mooching about the streets
in a fog one night. He had fooled about with some chit, not
caring for her a tuppenny curse—as he might have fooled with
us. Someone told his wife; and she just gave him notice to
quit—‘I’ll send for you when I can bear the sight of you
again!’ ... that was four years ago. God! she must be
made of ice. With a war on, too. Can’t she guess that the
man wants looking after; and that if her fingers don’t sew
his buttons on, someone else will volunteer for the job. Not
that I’ve had much from him, except thanks, for trying to buck
him up and brush him up ... a more dejected-looking object
I’ve never seen than when he first slouched in here. Thanks?
oh yes, he thanked me then, in the fog, for having listened to
his drivellings; as if I could have helped myself, with his hand
grabbing my elbow; I was bored stiff. That was before you
came in with us, kid.”
“I’ll drop out again.... You’re married, Jenny, and so
is he, and you can fit each other with what’s left over. But
I want something whole——”
“Yes; you’ve got everything to give. But you and I might
just as well go on being pals, darling,—he doesn’t care a rap
for either of us. And he’d be terrified of me without you,
Deb; or of you without me. I’ve never struck such a Cautious
Willy. When he’s left alone with one of us he goes to fetch
his pipe—till the other comes back. I tell you, it works up
all the devil in me....”
“And in me....”
“Deb, he’s a real man, or I shouldn’t care like this. He’s
been perfectly sweet to me once or twice. Perfectly ...
dear. He can be, when he likes. Have you ever felt the
muscles of his arm? ever bent it back? like iron. Deb—I’m
sure he’s sworn some gimcrack oath to himself, not to ever
let it reach a kiss—with us, I mean.”
“Because of her.”
“Why shouldn’t we set ourselves to break it down? After
all, she must be a beast. And she should have kept him while
she had him. It’s our innings. Deb, I bet you a gallon of
oil for Cora that one or the other of us gets a kiss from him
to-night. I’m mad to-night—mad—game for anything!...
There! I forgot that blooming party next door. Mad’m’s got
a pal in to play her accompaniments; she won’t let us off; not
just for a Chorus meeting.”
A conspirator’s rap at the door; the soldier thrust his head
stealthily round the corner; ascertained with relief that both
members of the Chorus were present; and entered, pulling
from his pocket a smoked haddock by its tail.
“I’ve brought a present for Cora; two presents,” from
the other pocket he extracted a tin of asparagus. “Shall we
revel up here to-night, as a thanksgiving? I don’t know for
what; but I’m in the mood.” His brick-coloured face was
impassive; his voice slow and toneless; his entire personality
redolent of beef decently roasted and eaten at the proper time
at a proper table. Anyone more obviously opposed to riotous
revels, or to moods of any kind, it would be hard to imagine.
“H’m ... I believe we shall have to divide the haddock before
we cook it,” Jenny speculated with a dubious eye on Cora’s limitations,
while Deb ruefully explained their evening’s engagement.
“Damn,” said the soldier gently. “Am I invited? I
won’t go. I have to sit at attention when I hear music, or
else I don’t look as if I were listening. And that’s so tiring.
Look here, I can’t endure an evening without you two; honestly
I can’t. Why not pretend to be ill, one of you?” Hastily he
amended: “Both of you.”
“I can; I’ve been feeling frightfully rotten on and off
lately, since the ’flue. My heart’s gone funny from too many
operations, or too many aspirin, or something. We could go
in next door for about ten minutes, and then I’ll pretend I’m
taken suddenly bad, and slip out in a I-hope-nobody-will-notice-or-make-a-fuss
manner; and Deb will naturally follow
me out, looking—what’s the word, you high-brows? sol—?
sol—? something to do with lawyers.”
“Looking solicitous. Right then; I’ll skulk about on the
landing till I hear you. Say I’m out for the evening. That’s
settled. We can always throw Jenny on the bed, and me
under it, if anybody knocks to enquire. You’d better put the
haddock in your wash-basin for the present, Deb.”
“And please, where am I to wash?”
Ames thought it over. He bestowed on every question,
great or small, exactly the same amount of stolid phlegm.
“In Jenny’s room.”
“Not available. Dolph and Manong are spooning in there.”
“Alone?”
“Oh, you bet Mad’m or Miss Marcus or Bobby is with
them. Our precious flapper mayn’t go a second unchaperoned.
It’s hard luck on Dolph.”
“Dear Jenny, your point of view as Dolph’s wife is rather
a novel one.”
“Excuse me, but is Jenny here?” A very aggrieved Carew
stood on the threshold, glaring at his wife through an enmuffling
tangle of beard and eyebrow. He was incredibly like the popular
notion of a bushranger. Actually he had been traveller for a
wholesale tobacco firm in the City. And was now out of work.
“Jenny, you might think of a fellow sometimes, I must say.
Bobby keeps on running out of the room, and I’ve always got
to haul him back. And you know quite well what Mad’m is
like about Manong. Why don’t you sit with us and do some
sewing till Bobby’s bed-time? You’re so selfish.”
Another ferocious glare—and Dolph was gone.
“Charming fellow, isn’t he?” remarked Jenny lightly.
She shrugged her shoulders, and followed him out.
The soldier looked at Deb expressively: “Bit thick, isn’t it?”
“I hate Dolph Carew!”
“He doesn’t count. But she—she’s the pluckiest little soul
in England. One can’t interfere, that’s the worst of it.”
“Why can’t one? Because one might compromise oneself?”
He smiled a little at her passionate scorn, accepting the
implication calmly. “Yes. Partly that.”
“Mostly that.”
“You admire rash impulse, and headlong defiance, and all
those virtues that make a muddle in the world, don’t you?”—From
teasing Deb, he awoke to awful realization that he was
alone with her. “I say—I must be off!”
“Yes, hurry!—a whole half-minute.” Daringly she challenged
his unspoken thought.
“Ridiculous child. Remember to put the haddock in the
basin.” He just touched her shoulder ... all his warmer
marks of affection were reserved for the times when the Chorus
was present in full membership ... and went out.
Deb crossed straight to the long mirror, and made the discovery
that she had not been looking beautiful enough to say
what she had said. She began to dress for the evening with a
sort of revengeful deliberation. The deliberation was necessary
to ensure good result. No wise woman can fly, with spirit
aflame, into her clothes, and then hope to prove seductive.
The dash was in her spirit, nevertheless. She was angry with
the big thing for not proving the mellow, englamoured sanctuary
she had every right to expect. This evolution of a dream into
fact was futile; worse than that—destructive—to herself.
A stupid, lop-sided business! Deb was not glad of love now
it had come. Only a troublesome but intelligent honesty
kept her from repudiating it altogether as the big thing;
returning to her former state of silver-misty anticipation....
“One can pretend, I suppose?”—pretend that the
soldier was a mere wayside incident. Only she knew too
much about wayside incidents, to commit that error.
—Well then, since she was so sure, were not the issues worth
a forced initiative on her part? Could she compete with
Jenny’s boldness—if she chose? For with Deb, as with Jenny,
the soldier’s steady, profiting self-control had become a nightmare
which had to be exchanged at all costs, even for his scorn,
even for self-destruction, even for evil....
Her temper resolved itself into action. There was mischief
in her selection of the pure ivory taffeta dress, the golden
shoes, and cobwebby gold stockings that the supple fancy
could continue on limbs straight and slender inside the blown
white cup of her skirts. Deb could wear white and pearl and
dove-tints without fear of looking miss-ish; by contrast with
her deep colours, they enhanced her vivid grace more than the
traditional purple or flame. Sufficient of purple in her sombre
twilight eyes; flame enough in her lips. Her hair she turned
inwards, concealing its masses so skilfully, that, sleek on top
and bulging rhythmically into a smooth pear-shape round the
cheeks and the nape of the neck, it gave her somewhat the
appearance of the knave of clubs as pictured in a pack of
cards.
Then she went back to the mirror, and scrutinized her looks
long and earnestly, and—like all heroines in every crisis of
each love-affair—reflected how queer it was that just these
curves and colours should have been the haphazard outward
accessories to—her soul? ... no, souls were mawkish
things!—to her essential Deb-ness.
CHAPTER V — I — II — III — III — IV
The girl who was playing the accompaniments to La llorraine’s
singing glanced aside once or twice from Deb to Jenny, contrasting
mystery and mobility. Jenny attracted her the most;
she made up her mind to speak to Jenny directly the song was
over.... And then she saw Jenny bite her lip, clutch tightly
at the arm of the chair ... after a minute or two of apparent
bodily agony, rise and grope an unsteady way through the
edges and corners of furniture, to the door. Antonia Verity
went on with the Aria from “Samson et Delilah.” She had seen
a swift look interchanged between Deb and Jenny, just before
the spasm of pain which drove the latter from the room. Also,
in the instant’s silence before the prima-donna had begun to
let herself go in “Mon cœur s’ouvre a ta voix,” Antonia fancied
she had detected a scraping sound and heavy breathing outside
the door.
Stella had also remarked Jenny’s symptoms, and half rose
to follow her out without interrupting the singing; but Deb
murmured: “All right, Auntie, I’ll go” ... and slipped
noiselessly in Jenny’s wake. Dolph was wrapt up in Manon,
who was wrapt up in her own indifference to Dolph. And
La llorraine was back in the Paris opera-house, eyes uplifted
to the imaginary tiers of packed faces, voice soaring resonantly
to a non-existent acoustic.... Antonia wondered if the drum
of her left ear were being shattered; she also wondered a little
what was afoot outside the door....
“Did you hear me sleuthing?” queried Ames, contentedly
lopping the haddock to fit Cora’s limitations.
“Is that what you were doing? Of course we heard.”
The three had been recently present at a cinema film which
portrayed a quantity of flickering doors, set in a flickering
corridor, down which a flickering procession of waiters, detectives
and gentlemen burglars—all impartially in evening dress—portrayed
the diverting art of sleuthing: they skulked along
close to the wall, one arm shielding their eyes to avoid observation,
and at every bedroom door they bent and applied an ear
to the keyhole—then started erect, confirmed in their worst
suspicion, and went to the next keyhole....
“I sleuthed all over the house, till I sleuthed outside Miss
Lamb’s door——” he stopped abruptly.
“And then?”
“Then I stopped sleuthing. It’s an ignoble pastime. Get
me my screw-driver; something’s wrong with Cora.” A
minute later he was completely happy, surrounded by Cora in
eleven fragments; while Jenny, very excitable and talkative,
enacted to him exactly how she had been “taken ill” during
La llorraine’s song.
“—There. Now she’ll do.”
“There was nothing wrong with Cora; you wanted an
excuse to pull her to bits,” Deb accused him.
“A man is only a child; he must play.”
“Fiddling at things?”
“Tinkering with things. Pottering over things. That’s a
mercy!” as Dalila, on the other side of the wall, died to silence.
“Our invalid had better be hoisted on to the bed; they’ll be
coming in to enquire.”
Just in time Jenny hurled herself among the pillows, and
drew the quilt up to her flushed cheeks. A knock at the door.
The soldier eliminated himself against the wall. Deb went
softly to the threshold: “Is that you, Manon?... Yes,
she’s in here.... No, I wouldn’t come in; she ...” Deb
backed the unseen visitor onto the landing. The other two,
listening breathlessly, heard her low, capable, reassuring explanations:
“... be all right presently ... room too hot ... strain
of the last few weeks ... might do her good ... tell
them not to worry....”
Jenny inserted a moan of corroboration.
“I’m so vairry sorry——” from Manon.
Deb returned to the room, closing the door. And Jenny
cried:
“Little humbug! much she cares!”
“Well, nurse, shall we operate?” demanded Ames cheerily.
He stood at the bedside, assuming a professional manner, one
finger on the patient’s pulse. “Um. Um. This is excellent.
We shall soon be all right. Up to-day and down to-morrow
and dead the next day. A great improvement here, nurse.
I should give her ...” he drew the pseudo-nurse aside to a
little distance, dropping his voice to a grave undertone. Jenny
burst out laughing at the foolery—then shuddered—and
laughed again:
“Bravo! It’s the real thing. God—how often I’ve seen
’em do just that at the hospitals and nursing-homes. I’ve
been turned inside out and put on the table so often, I wonder
there’s any of me left kicking. Like poor old Cora over there—the
doctors had all the fun, tinkering and fiddling.”
“It sounds fun, when you put it like that,” Ames said
appreciatively. And drew a clumsy penknife from his pocket.
“Where will you have it?” he demanded considerately,
throwing off his coat and rolling up his shirt-sleeves.
“Deb! Deb!” shrieked Jenny, in hysterical appeal.
Deb flung herself to the rescue. She and the soldier sleuthed
each other malevolently round the room, he with the penknife
and she with the screw-driver, till they ended up with a neat
little burlesque of a murder in the middle of the carpet; La
llorraine, next door, supplying unconscious atmosphere by
the torture scene from “Tosca.”
“Die!” said Deb lightly.
“With my fingers buried in your raven tresses!”
“Miscreant!”
“Don’t call me names. I’m not.”
“You are.”
“I’m not!” he tried to hoist himself up by the coarse black
ropes of her loosened hair. Deb resisted fiercely. Jenny,
tossing from one side to another, called out petulantly that
she was forgotten—it was her party!—and was half off the
bed, before another knock sent her flying back to the shelter
of the coverlid. The soldier lurched into his special arm-chair
and took up the screw-driver—“for a disguise,” he murmured.
And Deb, wildly dishevelled, clutched after her expression of
calm but anxious best friend to the invalid.
Antonia Verity entered, with a glass of tea and a slice of
lemon.
“They thought this might do you good,” to Jenny, who
extended a feeble hand, took the glass, raised it shakily to her
lips, spilt a few drops, smiled bravely—then, with a sudden
gesture of repugnance, handed it to Deb. “Presently, dear
... not now.”
Deb was surprised that she did it so well. Usually Jenny
was prone to over-act.
After a single look bestowed upon the perplexing and unexplained
presence of a gentleman in shirt-sleeves cooking
asparagus over an oil-stove, Antonia’s eyes returned to Jenny:
“I thought you were shamming just now, in the next room.
But I was wrong. I’m sorry.”
She lingered a moment, seemingly in expectation. But the
atmosphere was feverish and hostile. “I’m sorry,” she
repeated; and went.
“Jenny, you’re a genius! that bit of bye-play with the
glass was magnificent.”
“I am, I am, aren’t I?—‘I thought you were shamming,
but I was wrong,’” she mimicked triumphantly. “—Oh
Hell!” and burrowed her face sharply into the pillow.
“What is it?” alarmed, Deb sprang forward.
“You taken in too?” Jenny, without lifting her head, broke
into shrill peals of laughter which she seemed unable to repress.
“Oh—oh—oh—I’ve taken you in too!... Dearest—” this
in response to the soldier’s fingers roaming at the nape of her
neck—“Don’t pull your hand away—don’t—it’s heavenly—it
soothes me.... What does it matter? we’re all playing the
fool; Dolph is playing the idiot in the other room; we’re all
mixed up, anyway. Deb, give me that tea—I’m crazy with
thirst,” she snatched the glass; gulped down the contents.
“What about those asparagus?”
“They ought to be done enough now; you shall have some
if you’re good. What do you think, nurse? one or two? and
the rest for us.”
Deb nodded professionally. But it struck her that Jenny
was rather making capital out of the privileges of her present
rôle. Why had she not thought to be herself the one who was
ill? But Jenny was really ill so often—it was less likely to
cause suspicion.
The soldier removed the tin of asparagus from Cora; and
seating himself on the edge of the bed, began to curl them
slowly, tantalizingly, into Jenny’s mouth. “I’ve never seen
you look quite so healthy; in case any more of the neighbours
drop in to enquire, we may as well cast a dissembling shadow
on that blooming cheek, those brilliant brown eyes. Deb,
put out the light.”
Deb obeyed. The asparagus were finished, one by one.
A crash of discordances, as though someone had suddenly sat
on the keys of the piano, sounded from the adjoining room;
and La llorraine’s wild, deep laughter. Jenny lay as though
exhausted, nuzzling against Burton Ames’ shoulder.
“What is it?” he whispered.
“So miserable ... and I’m tired of going on.”
“I am, too. Never mind—it’s not so bad being miserable
together.”
“You’re rather nice”—then lower still—“kiss me....”
He laid his cheek down against her’s—no more. But she
seemed content ... and Deb turned away; stood, forlornly
enough, with her back to the bed, looking down at Cora....
“I’m miserable too,” she whispered. But Jenny heard:
“Deb!—Deb, come over here—come over to me at
once. How dare you not come ... feeling like that?
Deb!”
Deb crouched beside the bed, with Jenny’s arms tightly
wound about her shoulders. The soldier’s knee, hard as
granite, pressed against her side. They were all three very
near together ... a magnetic sense of rest was born in this
close contact—Jenny’s hot skin, Deb’s tumble of hair, harsh
feel of the soldier’s frayed tweed coat.... There was no other
illumination in the room, and Cora cast her spells in hard
blocks of white light and black shadow.
“Good old Chorus,” breathed Jenny.
“You’re a really-and-truly person, Jenny, aren’t you?”
“Sweetheart, what do you mean?”
“I used to ask about people in stories: are they really-and-truly
real? Somehow I always know that you are; at
least you, if nobody else.”
“Of course she is,” grunted Ames; “considering she’s a
Christian, quite remarkably real.”
“Hush!” quickly Jenny laid her fingers over his mouth;
“you must leave me that at least—my religion.”
“Child, child, religion is a man-made door, blocking all hope
of vistas beyond.”
“Faith is a crystal window,” whispered Jenny, her brown
eyes steadfast.
“Maybe. Nothing so opaque as crystal.”
Deb said reproachfully: “What can you give her to hang
on to, for what you take away?”
“Herself. The courage and pride in her. It’s much more
comforting really than a vague hope that God will come to
the rescue in extremes. You can be definitely certain of the
measure of your own powers; but God is at best a gamble.”
Jenny’s eyes strayed fearfully ceilingward....
“Looking for the thunderbolt that will destroy the blasphemer?”
“I remember looking up in just that way, the first time I
said damn,” Deb murmured reminiscently.
“It’s what we learn at our mother’s knee. We’ve all got
mother’s knees in our system—Jenny here worst of all—and
till we learn to see through it——”
“Your metaphor is in peril, as well as your soul.”
“S.O.S.,” he laughed.
But at this tendency of the conversation to become highbrow,
Jenny’s mood, as usual, flickered to restlessness. “I
ought to go and see if Bobby’s all right; I haven’t been in all
the evening.”
“You forget that you’re in a highly critical condition, and
mustn’t be seen dancing about the corridors. I’ll go.”
And Deb wondered, as she closed the door behind her, if,
in her absence, Jenny would contrive to win the gallon of oil
for Cora....
Bobby was soundly asleep in his cot; his round, monkey
face, so comically a replica of Jenny’s, snuggled half under the
bed-clothes to meet his huddled-up knees. Deb was compelled
to bend and lightly kiss him, for the sake of her private fondness
for all small boys. A night-light floating on the table beside
him was suddenly quenched. Deb turned to grope her way
out of the room. She heard a groan behind her—and, for
Bobby’s sake, bit back a sharp scream of terror—
“It’s only me,” came Dolph’s despondent reassurance.
“You? But I thought you were with—with the others.”
“They don’t want me.”
She hung about uncomfortably, her hand on the door-knob.
“Jenny’s better,” she volunteered at last.
“Is she?” quite indifferent. Then he burst out: “Deb,
d’you know that I’ll be rich one day, when my uncle dies.
Rich. People will treat me differently then. I tell you, Deb,
money does everything with some people. Not with a young
girl, of course—but with their mothers. I’m nobody
now. Anyone can insult me, give me the sack. I wish I was
dead and buried.... Bobby oughtn’t to be left the whole
evening alone; tell Jenny I said so. That’s why I’m in here;
that’s why; the only reason,” he mumbled. “Else why
shouldn’t I be with the others?”
Apparently some shattering of the next-door alliance had
occurred on this evening of happenings.
“Send Jenny in to me. I won’t sit alone. Why should I?
She’s always shut away with you and Ames, when I want her.—Deb,
I’m so wretched.”
“Yes ... but I don’t like you one bit,” reflected Deb.
Aloud she said: “I expect it’ll be all right to-morrow, Dolph;
La llorraine has sudden moods, like all artists.”
It was queer, this all-round tacit acceptance of unofficial
affections, on the second floor landing at Montagu Hall.
Carew merely groaned again; which Deb interpreted as
welcome dismissal.
... Had Jenny won that kiss in her absence?—Deb slid
open the door, in a bewilderment of dread and curiosity. Had
Jenny——
Impossible to say. For La llorraine was sitting on the bed,
eclipsing by gesticulation and oratory, a helplessly recumbent
invalid. The soldier was calmly smoking and reading in the
armchair at the farther end of the room, his back to the bed,
Cora among his feet. His presence in the room seemed almost
part of the general acceptance. How funny, Deb thought, if
they all suddenly started questioning and sorting and clearing
up....
It appeared that Nadya llorraine, at least, was doing something
of the sort.
“My dee-urr, now listen to me. I tell you how to win back
that husband of yours. I have said to me: it is enough now,
it shall end! Jenny, see how you lie here, wizout a manicure,
your hair in a puzzle, a blouse that has no seduction....
And he, that fool, that booby,—shall I tell you vat vill happen?
he falls into the hands of adventuresses! My dee-urr, they
snap him up from you....” Sincerity of pity for the abandoned
wife dominated any personal association with the said adventuresses.
“They snap him up—and spit him out!” La
llorraine dignified the process by accompanying pantomime,
grotesquely mimicked by the enormous shadow cast on the
wall behind her. “I will tell you that secret, Jenny, my dee-urr,
which I ’ave learn: you must be woman to him as well as
wife....” She grasped Jenny’s wrist, swooped forward,
and lowered her tones to a key of thrilling confidence. She
breathed in Jenny’s face. She took possession of Jenny.
Deb and the soldier were cut off to a complete isolation.
“What have you got?” she bent over his shoulder to see
the title of the book he held. “Oh, that’s not fair!” indignantly.
For the Chorus had been half-reading half-acting
Shaw’s “Pygmalion” for their mutual amusement; and he
had anticipated that portion of the play to which Deb had
been secretly straining forward.
“You wanted to make sure of being Eliza in that bit where
she throws the slippers, of course. You’re a shocking savage,
Deb. And anyway, the part isn’t fit for any gentlewoman, and
naturally falls to me. You can be Higgins.”
“I won’t be Higgins. I’ll be Eliza. You—you tempt
slippers.”
“M’yes—I daresay I do. Slippers are mild. I’ll lend you
my trench boots.”
“Thanks.”
“Why do you hate me so, Deb?” lazily he threw back one
hand to where she was still leaning over his chair, and grasped
some of her hanging hair.
She was exultant at having at last urged him to a personal
reflection. “Because you don’t take enough notice of me,”
she replied, in a freakish impulse of candour.
“Dear Eliza, isn’t my step bent straight for this room,
when I enter the house?”
“That’s because of—Cora. Because we make you comfortable.”
“I suppose it is. Funny hair you’ve got, Eliza; like a
strong, stormy black sea. I thought women’s hair was always
fluffy and soft.”
“As one woman’s was? ...” flitted through Deb’s mind.
But she did not say it.
He still examined with minute interest the thick tress
which lay across the palm of his hand. “To a man of ingenuity
and resource, it would be useful for all sorts of things
if one were wrecked on an island; Eliza, I wish I could be
stranded on a desert island with your hair.”
“With ... only my hair?” She was breaking through
it now, that nameless barrier which her nameless creed had
set up; useless barrier, Jenny had shown her.... Yes, but
Jenny was different. Because she was married?—well,
because she was different. Because she let her passions bubble
over when and where and how she chose ... unruly, undisciplined
Jenny. But Deb had promised herself to compete
with Jenny this time.... A pulse ticked in each wrist—two
frantic little clocks. On the other side of the wall
someone—Antonia probably—was playing Debussy ...
mournful, soul-flattening discordances ... La llorraine’s
rush of inaudible speech still expounded man and the ways
of man:
“And I say to ’im, that minute ago even, my dee-urr: ‘You
should kneel to your wife like a thief to a goddess, for you ’ave
r-r-robbed ’er of all ’er gifts!’ Ha! ’e did not like that,
Jenny, I tell you. He sulks now in his room, the booby——”
“Well, it was rude, considering he was your guest,” from
Jenny, in shrill defence of her male property.
... “What should I do with the rest of you, Eliza?”
“Would another man ask that?”
Deb was on a false trail, her manner hectic and unnatural,
her senses over-stimulated. But, knowing all this, she dragged
her reluctance to the gap in the last barrier—plunged through—bent
her mouth to his up-turned, sleepy face——
And suddenly she remembered little Lothar von Relling
... and pleaded to whatever Justice might be presiding
somewhere, that she had been generous then, had given
ardently for a boy’s pleasure.... Would Justice please
choose this moment to reward her?
... His fingers slowly loosened grip of her hair; it dropped
heavily against his shoulders. And in swift reaction at seeing
it there, Deb flung back her head, stood upright, pale and
ashamed, ... over his head their eyes met in the mirror
which topped the fireplace in front of them. Reaction ...
she had had enough of this cramped, stuffy room, and all
their cramped, stuffy passions; stupefaction of everyone’s
moral sense; a sort of frowsiness; smoke and shut windows,
and unaired emotions.... She wanted, at once and instantly,
a wind blown in with the running tide; sanity and humour
and keenness. Oh, anything but this room, at this moment,
and the necessity of meeting the mirrored gaze of a man to
whom she had just given herself away.
... The moment stretched, an interminable grey length.
Then the music next door trickled away to silence, and it
seemed as though the unsupported moment would have to
trickle away with it....
“I’m only human!”—thus to himself the soldier stifled a
protesting loyalty. Heavily he shifted round in his chair
towards the girl, standing now so stiffly and primly erect
behind him——
“Deb”....
A rap at the door. The evening had been punctuated by
such staccato interruptions. This time it was Aunt Stella.
“Is Major Ames here? Yes? You’re wanted on the
’phone; trunk call, the page said. They came to look for
you next door. Well, how’s the patient?” as Jenny emerged
wanly from the clutch of La llorraine’s overpowering personality.
“My dear child, surely you would be better inside
your own bed than outside someone else’s. Off with you!
Make your husband attend to the hot-water bottle ... fill
it with his burning tears, if he likes. Deb, being your prying
spinster aunt, it is my duty to inform you that this room has
a horribly dissipated smell of fish and stove-oil and smoke,
and one doesn’t put one’s hair down for the evening till all the
visitors have left; I ought to fetch your grandpapa—only
he’d have a stroke. Madame, Miss Verity threatens to go
already, and wants to say good-bye.”
Burton Ames, as he lumbered downstairs, was angry with
himself for being angry at the interruption. It was much
better; if he once budged from his safe resolve, the Chorus
would become quite impossible. And he would miss it—would
miss them—quite intensely. They had obviously set out to
try him pretty severely this evening. Why? Sheer mischief?
Deb was the more dangerous of the two. One could feel
tenderly, an absurd, almost pathetic tenderness, for Jenny
out-of-bounds ... passionate, ill-used little urchin. But
Deb.... Damn this ’phone call!
“Hello!”...
Deb and Jenny were alone.
“Deb—I saw.”
“Saw what?” said Deb absently.
“When you bent his head back ... just now. And then
Mad’m came between. Deb—did he?”
Deb did not answer. Sitting on the edge of the bed, hands
clasped round her knees, ears straining, straining for his returning
tread, she examined her behaviour of a moment ago, and
decided that self-verdict must wait on subsequent events. If
only he made it worth while....
The room had grown unaccountably darker. Jenny
shuddered; propped herself up on one elbow:
“Deb, old girl, it’s a fool’s game to pretend one is ill when
one isn’t, because——”
“There he is!” burst from Deb’s lips, oblivious of Jenny.
Burton Ames swung into the room, rejuvenated.
“Jenny—Deb—I’m off to-night,”
His voice was still quiet and controlled; but the weary
inflexion to which they were accustomed from him had been
replaced by tense virility; his bent shoulders were squarely
flung back; his eyes snapped and tingled like bright blue fire
under the grizzled jutting eyebrows.
“I’m off to-night.”
“She ... your wife ... she wants you again,” Jenny
gasped.
“Yes. I spoke to her on the ’phone. She has taken a
house in London; Campden Hill; just moved in. I’m joining
her at once; she has invited me,” with a quick, whimsical
smile. “I wish it hadn’t occurred to you to be ‘taken ill’
just to-night, Jenny dear; you could have helped me pack.
Deb’s disqualified, of course; good little girls mayn’t pass
the ogre’s threshold, according to Mother’s-Knee. Never
mind, I’ll send my orderly down in the morning; can’t wait
now. I say, look at Cora!”
Simultaneously the three turned and stared at the altar of
their union; the line of flame was slowly narrowing, and the
walls and ceiling and furniture, and the faces of the three
grouped round and on the bed, hitherto sharply defined in
black and white, were already smudged to a mere dimness.
“Cheap irony—oh, very inexpensive indeed!” scoffed Deb.
And she was grateful to Cora ... deeply grateful.
“On the contrary, a histrionic sense of the fitness of things.
When did you last fill the oil-tank, Deb?”
“Before dinner—no, though, I didn’t—I remember now,
Jenny came in and distracted me. That explains it.”
Nevertheless, the gradual ebbing of the light, coincident
with the silence succeeding the waves of noise and music next
door, wrought eerily upon the nerves of the two of the Chorus
who had not received their call of “all’s right with the world.”
Even Ames was touched to a cheery sentimentality: “I
shall miss you both tremendously; you’ve been so awfully
good to me.”
“Oh, I’m sure you’ve been very welcome,” said Deb lightly.
“You’re in a hurry—don’t let these obsequies delay you.
We bury Jenny the day after to-morrow, at two o’clock, if
you care to attend.”
“As I was responsible for her death-bed scene, I suppose
I must. But it’s been worth it, hasn’t it, Jenny beloved, to
have had this last fling together?”
Jenny played up. “Oh, it has! it has! I’ve lived my life
down to the very dregs! And now, as the light slowly
fades——”
“And the music dies away——” supplemented Deb.
“And the asparagi have been trickled one by one down that
dark and narrow path that engorges all asparagi——”
“So that young life, too, throbbed to silence. Whistling,
he went on his way, and never knew till afterwards——”
“I can’t whistle,” the soldier interrupted Deb. “But I’ll
do all the rest of the stunts. Good-bye, Jenny, my darling;
I’ve been a fearful rotter ...” his voice broke in mock pathos.
Secretly he was rather glad of this burlesque which covered
any necessity for real pathos; because he was so happy, he
just could not pretend otherwise.
“I’m—not—in—pain!” gasped Jenny. “See—I’m smiling
... quite a beautiful smile, isn’t it? Perhaps I shall be
well ... to-morrow. No, I shan’t!” she screamed. “No
to-morrow for me. Soldier ... don’t—don’t go.... Wait
till ... I ...”
“Sweetheart, I can’t; you might be ever so long about it,
and I really must be off. Good-bye, Jenny; good-bye, Deb”;
he lingered a moment still, though it was evident that every
nerve in him was chafing at the delay. “You’ve both been so
awfully decent to me,” he repeated, sincerely this time. And he
kissed first Jenny and then Deb, in boyish, spontaneous gratitude.
So they gained, quite without effort, what they had set out
to gain, that evening.
“Good-bye!” the door slammed behind him in sheer exuberance
of high spirits. Then repetition of the same business
with his bedroom door. Then silence. And the room a black
pall now, with just a last faint quaver of light—suddenly
quenched.
It was unnecessary, Deb reflected, that he should have
shown himself to them in this new splendour of recovered
buoyancy.... It was bad enough before.... Her fancy,
feverishly active, followed his taxi along the streets, followed
him up the steps and past the front door of the house in
Campden Hill—into the room where a woman waited——
Fancy was jerked to a standstill here; he would utter her
name; what was it?—Cicely?—Irene?—Eleanor? ...
Yes, she could hear his voice speaking any of these ... very
low and taut ... “Eleanor”....
Then of course he would kiss her. Well....
And for the girl who sat on the edge of the bed, the knowledge
of having made—rather an exhibition of herself. It did not
help much that he seemed to have forgotten the incident.
The main thing was that she remembered it. Would always
remember it.
She thought she heard a little sigh from the bed. Jenny!
... quick and warm came to Deb realisation of the blessed
solace of a companion in suffering. Jenny would just understand,
as she never failed to understand the simple everyday
things such as hunger and pain and the loss of love. Jenny
would heal her with that wonderful touch of hand and cheek
that was like balm.... Deb felt shivery and childish and
desolate.... She laid her head down on Jenny’s breast,
and lay for several moments quite still, waiting for comfort to
steal into her. She was glad that Jenny did not attempt to
talk about what had happened.
Suddenly Deb started away, wildly frightened. Why—Jenny’s
heart was not beating....
CHAPTER VI — I — II — III
Richard found his Easter holidays dull. Montagu Hall was
not a satisfactory substitute for Daisybanks, where he had
owned his own carpentering shed in the garden, in which he
might rampage as he pleased. Ferdie had been an understanding
father in supplying Richard and Deb with full facilities
to rag and to rampage. Now Richard passed most of his time
reading books that dealt with the practical side of the war,
and keeping fit in preparation for when he was eighteen.
Perhaps he could squeeze himself in next year already by mis-stating
his age ... there was always the dreadful possibility
that the war might suddenly come to an end, and leave
him what it had found him, a Winborough fifth form
boy.
He was glad when the last week of the holidays came round;
Deb was always about with some girl—Antonia Verity;
and most of his chums being older than himself, were scattered
about the country in training, or else in the trenches. David
Rothenburg, of course, was about the same age; but Rothenburg
was a moony sort of chap, especially lately. More from
boredom than affection, Richard spent an afternoon at Bertie
Fraser’s home in the south-west of London. The news
of the torpedoing of the Lusitania had come through a couple
of days before; and the two boys vented some of their hot
indignation by experiments with a model submarine which
should “damn well teach the blackguards not to mess about
with our passenger liners!”
“I’ll put you on your way,” Fraser volunteered, when
Richard had to go.
They turned from the quiet street of houses into a mews;
then through a slum displaying barrows with highly-coloured
wares, gaudy with small shops gustily illuminated, raucous
with slatternly women calling from the upper windows to their
offspring in the gutters.
“Short cut to the trams,” explained Fraser. “Hullo, what’s
the row?”
A woman was huddled on a doorstep, wailing loudly, openly,
without any pretence of hiding her stark grief. Her wisps of
grey hair were blown by the wind flat across her distorted face,
which she neither burrowed in her arms nor covered with a
handkerchief. For she had just received tidings that her
daughter had gone down in the steerage of the Lusitania, and
she wanted God and man to know it.
A knot of sympathizers, neighbours and casual passers-by,
stood dumbly around her, listening to the saga of Ethel Ann’s
childhood, and Ethel Ann’s adolescence, and Ethel Ann envisioned
powerfully but crudely as a human livid face,
struggling, gulping, pleading for help ... help refused....
“They pushed ’em back into the water!” screamed the old
crone. “My little ’un. Curse the Germans!—Curse ’em!
They watched ’er drowning, and they laughed. A-a-aaah ...”
articulation trailed away into a long-drawn-out cry of rage
and mourning and hate. She strained her skinny arms in a
tight line upward, as though in one gesture could be uttered
all that her tongue had failed to say.
Richard felt it was impossible just to stand still and look on
at this. He glowered about him in a spirit of desperate truculence.
The others of the group were in exactly the same case,
their eyes roaming stupidly up and down the narrow street,
as though in search of some immediate measures. A carter
leaning against his dray drawn up to the kerb opposite, spoke
out fiercely:
“Ay. ’Uns. That’s the sort they are. Wish I ’ad one
or two under my fist now. I’d show ’em what for.”
“You have got ’em under your fist now—plenty—if you
know where to look!” A lantern-jawed man with the hollow
eyes of a fanatic, sprang onto the tail-board of the dray.
At once he formed a vortex for all the loose and aimless
emotions adrift in that street. Richard and Fraser
found themselves in a wedge of men and women, women
predominating, swaying with that sort of concerted drunken
rhythm peculiar to all crowds. Even the mother of the
drowned girl stopped her wails, and stared fixedly at the
demagogue.
“Germans everywhere in this country—millions of ’em,
laughing up their sleeves because we’re such ruddy softs as
not to chuck’em out. Laughing now, I expect, over our women
and children pushed back into the icy water; English women
and children. Yes, it’s a good joke, ain’t it? First-class!...
I ’ad a pal on the Lusitania—well, never mind that—there’s
some ’ere as ’ad more than pals. Are we going to stand
it—that’s what I want to know? Are we going on trading with
murderers and cowards, living cheek by jowl with ’em, buying
our very bread from ’em ... poisoned bread! I tell you,
there are Germans in the next street, in this street, and in a
thousand other streets in England, with their dirty names over
the shop-windows. Ask the Government!—ah! the Government’ll
do something about it, per’aps, by and by. Ask ’em—they’ll
say they’ve took the proper measures of precaution.
We don’t want precaution, thank yer all the same. We want
revenge on the foul scum what sank the Lusitania! We want
revenge—not by and by, but now! We want revenge—and
by the dying agonies of our children, and for the sake of those
they’ve left, we’ll have it!”
His hearers had been like empty bottles offering no resistance
to the fiery liquid he poured into them. Yes—they wanted
instant revenge; that was what they had sought by their
vacant stares. With a scattered howl, from which the human
element seemed long since to have been drained, they swirled
up the street. Richard was borne along by the impetus of their
fury. He had lost sight of Fraser, who, missing him, had
probably returned home; it did not matter; this was rather a
lark—one of the Lusitania riots; they had been breaking out
all over London since the news had come through. No—not
exactly a lark ... it swelled into something more formidable
and animated by a spirit of deeper satisfaction than warranted
by the schoolboy description: this was action; this was war;
he was in direct contact with it at last. A gang of men in an
ugly temper, running in a set direction ... he could feel
purpose behind the lurching, staggering passage of the mob....
They were on their way to punish the Germans—coarse hulking
giants who could laugh at Ethel Ann’s drenched face helpless
in a green tumble of breakers.... Brutes! damned brutes!
we’ll show them!...
This was all the jerky elated comment his brain could register
during the headlong stampede up the cramped alley; that—and
a confused impression of the women’s faces here and there
patching the rest: streaming hair, with the iron pins still
clumsily caught in it; mouths open and awry; damp red skins.
Mob-women—they were hideous....
The lantern-jawed man, still leader, halted abruptly in
front of a small baker’s shop. “What about that?” denunciatory
forefinger thrown out to indicate the name painted
over the window: Gottlieb Schnabel. The crowd replied by
another exultant howl ... it was beginning to merge its
separate identities into the Demos-beast, at once frightful yet
silly; incapable alike of retreat or initiative; a beast that
uttered meaningless sounds; could be deflected hither and
thither; a beast without logic or coherence; but a beast that
was out, very obstinately, to maul somebody ... the
Germans....
“What about that?”
Those in the van swerved so sharply into the little doorway
of the shop, that their comrades immediately behind them
could not restrain themselves from reeling past it by weight
of impetus; then turned, and pressed back, with a violent
impact jamming the rearmost in the narrow aperture; so
that it seemed that dark menacing figures were springing
out of the shadows from all sides and directions, into
the pallid flare of the gas-jets singing forlornly over the
counter.
The shop was deserted. Violent hands ripped down the
curtains that divided off the back-parlour, and about a
dozen roughs hurled themselves up the stairs, chanting:
“Schnabel: Schnabel!” in hideous sing-song. Their feet
could be heard trampling the upper premises in search of the
owner: “Come aht of it, yer bloody funk! Wot abaht the
Lusitania?”... The shop-door swung backwards and
forwards in the draughts of wind which blew down
the street; and at each oscillation, a little bell tinkled the
warning of customers—an innocent tinkle, like a distant sheep-bell
... inadequate tinkle that recurred thinly through all
the chaos of heavier sound: Crash of splintered glass, as the
scales and weights were sent flying through the front window
of the shop. The majority of avengers were working off their
blood-lust by hullabaloo and wreckage; tossing about the
buns and cakes; swinging and smashing the rows of big sweet-bottles;
sending a hurricane of piled-up bread-baskets over
the floor. It had been a neat little interior, three minutes
before...!
But Richard was impatient of all this mere monkey destruction;
his imagination was a-sweat to vent itself upon
Germans, not upon rolls and doughnuts. He raced up the
back stairs—and down again; no Germans there; and the
rioters engaged in the same stupid business of destruction.
But the Germans ... pointed steel helmets, puffed-out
cheeks, and thick sensual lips—where had they contrived to
stow themselves away? The notion had got started that they
were here ... somewhere ... the excited boy did not stop
to reason it out. He wanted to batter with his fists against a
fat resisting carcase. Here?—of course they were; somebody
had said so. Dodging the volley of loaves, he bolted out of the
shop, and round the corner to the tiny yard at the back, unheeding
whether he were alone or followed. The bakehouse!—must
be one under the shop. Yes—beneath this wooden
flap. Guided by the hot good smell of bread in the oven, he
wrenched at the hinges; and rashly taking the ladder for
granted, plunged into the gaping black space. Fragments
of tales relating to the Lusitania horrors were flying loosely
about in his mind, like the loaves in the shop: sickening
details gasped out by the dazed survivors, and written up for
the public in lurid journalese. Fighting—was that the Hun
idea of fighting?—swine! cheats! butchers!—his turn to show
them now....
Richard bumped his feet on level ground; he blinked an
instant in the red dimness of his surroundings ... then,
gradually, a face swam into his consciousness—a face over
there, by the barrels—a face smeared in flour, and channelled
by the drip of perspiration—a face that would have been
ludicrous, were it not for its expression of deadly shivering
fear ... trapped fear....
With knowledge of utter helplessness in his fascinated gaze,
he confronted Richard. Beside him, a plump woman and two
or three children crouched in a shadowy lump.
No army of Germans here. Only the little baker, Gottlieb
Schnabel, and his family.
He stared at Richard. Richard stared back. And then his
swollen illusion was pricked and shrivelled. So this was the
reality of what he had been vengefully hounding down, he and
the bawlers overhead? this one peaked, unhappy little face,
white with dabs of flour, white in the last dumb extremity of
panic.
Schnabel’s dry lips moved convulsively.... “Ach, bitte,”
he babbled; then, with an effort: “Can—I—help—for—it?”...
Richard just caught the words. He recoiled; turned and
stumbled up the ladder.... One must get away from that
face.... Not so easy—some of the crowd had followed him
after all, were swarming round the entrance to the bakehouse.
“There’s no-one there,” muttered Richard; “no-one there”
... his voice was choked as though in a thick fog. “No-one
there——” But the main thing was to get out, into the street,
before they began to do things—no, that did not matter,—but
before he could hear them doing things. They were
pressing him back again, down again.... “There’s no one
there, I tell you!” Blindly he buffeted right and left the
heads which blocked his passage. Some of them, believing
him, gave way ... melted out of reach from his hard fists
and powerful driving shoulders. Others went shuffling and
clattering past him, down the wooden rungs. “Schnabel!
Schnabel!”—and a sharp scream. One must get away,
quickly....
A great surge of bodies in the yard. Thrusting forward,
with his head low down, through a rank smell of boots and
corduroys and rusty skirts, Richard got clear at last. Round
the corner—into the street—a number of people running in
his direction—three or four policemen. “There’s no-one
there!”—half-sobbing, he dodged through a mews into a
wider street; again that loud trample of feet beating towards
him—would they never let him escape? he wanted to be free
of mobs. What did this mob want? Schnabel? ... No,
it was only a helter-skelter of gnome-like urchins, shrieking
hoarsely their late editions. He paused to draw breath;
leant up against an adjacent wall; his cap had gone long ago,
and the wind blew in hard, fresh gusts through his hair.
Presently he walked on again, slowly. Hysteria had evaporated,
and was replaced by the usual shame. Now he came to
think over the matter coolly, what had so upset him? The
little rat of a baker had been in a funk, certainly; probably
justified; probably the rabble had handled him fairly roughly.
What of that? Ethel Ann, equally innocent, equally helpless,
had met with an infinitely worse fate.
Oh, he was not going to take part in the baiting himself.
No sport in it. The wisest course to pursue had been to depart
from the scene, as he had done. Had he “departed from the
scene” or made an exit—rather less dignified than that inferred?
Well, he could hardly be expected to stay and look
on. Nor could he have protected Schnabel—hang it! the
man was a German. Not “the Germans”—but still a German.
Richard, impatiently, classified the whole experience
as “quite a decent scrum”; and as such, stuck it up on a
shelf in his memory, like a book with several pages safely
gummed together. He proved to be in a completely strange
neighbourhood; and devoted all his present faculties in
discovering the whereabouts of Montagu Hall.
“Richard, is that you?”
“Yes, Pater; I’ve just come in.”
“I want to speak to you, my boy.”
“Right-o!” Richard turned on the stairs, interrogatively.
“Not here. In my room.”
Old Hermann Marcus looked up with a queer gleam in his
eyes, as Richard and Ferdie entered. Almost as though he
were sorry for the boy—and yet secretly and maliciously
triumphant.
“How are you getting on at Winborough?” Ferdinand
asked jerkily, after a pause.
“Same as usual: excellent all-round ability, but no outstanding
merit, as old Skeffington says. I say, dad, would
you have any objection if I joined up next year already?”
since his father had seemingly nothing of any importance to
impart, Richard thought he might as well use the formal interview
for his own purpose.
“Joined up what?”
“The army, of course. Royal Flying Corps, for choice;
I’m fit enough to stand the medical test. And lots of fellows
are passing themselves off as older than their age. Only I’m
not very tall ...” his tone implied reproach for his father’s
lack of inches. There was silence for a moment; he felt the
two men were not attending to his request as they should; so
he went on in further explanation: “It’s so rotten to be just
under age for enlisting. Different if you’re a kid, and out of
it altogether. Rogers—you remember him? he was head
boy at Winborough—Rogers is only eighteen months older
than I am, and he’s in the thick of it. And to-day more than
ever——” he stopped dead.
“Why to-day more than ever?” Ferdinand enquired, very
gently.
Richard was not quite sure why: except that to-day he
had expended a lot of heat and energy on a cause which had
repaid him neither in vigorous defence nor in ultimate satisfaction;
and he wanted an experience of real, substantial war
and real, substantial Germans to make up for the futile civilian
imitation. But he was unwilling to explain all this about
Germans in front of his grandfather, or even to his father,
who might be subject to occasional sensitive twinges on that
score. So he swerved from the direct question:
“Quite frankly, dad, I mean to enlist next year, with or
without permission. But I thought I’d like to hear if you
have any special objection; good of me, isn’t it?” laughing.
“Certainly I should be proud and glad if you could fight
for England, but——” Ferdie evidently found an increasing
difficulty in going on. He took up an evening paper from the
table: “Have you seen the late editions, Richard?”
“No. Any news? Not—not a defeat?”
“The Prime Minister has made certain promises ...
there have been more anti-German riots over this Lusitania
business——”
“Conceited fools, who haven’t the brains to win a victory
at the Front, think themselves patriots if they break a few
shop-windows,” growled Marcus from his corner.
Richard flushed darkly, and his hands clenched in his
pockets: “They’d be doing the same, and much worse, to
us in Germany, if we’d established ourselves all over the place
there, as they have here. And the sinking of the Lusitania
was a foul, cowardly affair; no wonder we’ve lost control of
our tempers, hearing about it.”
“We?” echoed the old Bavarian, with a sarcastic inflexion;
“and you as German as I, my boy! You won’t be allowed
to forget it as easily, in the future.”
“Rubbish!” said Richard shortly. He had no desire to
quarrel with his grandfather, who, as a lonely but unyielding
unit in enemy country, demanded a certain chivalry of treatment.—But
no fellow was going to stand being called a
German, nowadays! “Have you done with me, dad? I’m
sorry about the fuss in the papers, but it will all blow off presently.
I don’t think they’ll do anything to the naturalized Germans,
anyway; not to those who have been settled in England as
long as you.” He sauntered towards the door; then halted
to add in a sudden inspiration of diplomacy: “The sooner
I’m fighting, dad, the better for you, all of you. A son in the
army makes a huge difference to public feeling.”
“That depends on which army ...” threw in Hermann
Marcus. And Ferdie said, with a stupendous effort: “You
can’t fight for England in this war, Richard. I’m sorry, as
you are so dead nuts on it,” carefully negotiating the idiom.
“But they will not take you. You are a German.”
Richard burst into a great shout of laughter. “What rot,
dad! How can I be a German? I’m as English as they
make ’em.”
“You were born in Germany. And I was not naturalized
at that date.”
“Born—in—Germany?”
“You see,” Ferdie apologized, miserably avoiding his son’s
eyes, “your grandfather invited us to pay him a long visit
to Munich. I and Deb—and your dear mother, of course.
He had never seen little Deb ... she was seven years old——”
“A quite abominable pest of a child!” from the depths of
the armchair in the corner.
“And so we all went over. And you were born there.
Your poor mother died of it ...” he cleared his throat, and
blew his nose. “That, perhaps, is why it was never mentioned
to you.”
Ferdie was right. He had felt the loss of Dorothea so keenly
that sentiment demanded of the household that her death
should never be alluded to. Whence followed that Richard’s
birth was likewise hushed up, being intimately linked with
the bereavement and all its tragic circumstances. He had
never bothered about the matter, taking it for granted that,
like Deb, he was born at Daisybanks.
“But, father, I can’t be a German. I—I don’t like Germans.
I can’t stick them at any price.” His tone was sharp with
the first agonized belief that some truth might lurk in the
altogether staggering accusation that these two were bringing
against him. “I don’t like Germans. And we’re fighting
them. I’m English—like other chaps. You can’t make a
fellow German by saying he is,” relieved commonsense asserting
itself over a frame of mind which was almost babyish in its
reliance on the repetition: “I don’t like Germans!”
And then, a criminal before the sternest of judges, Ferdinand
Marcus made his confession:
“You see—when I was naturalized afterwards, you—you
were not naturalized at the same time. I wanted you to
choose for yourself when you came of age; to be free to make
your own choice for one country or another—for any country.
I, as a boy, had never been consulted what were my private
wishes——” His father here gave utterance to a grunt pregnant
with rich opinions of the unimportance of Ferdie’s wishes,
whatever they might have been. “—It should be different
for you, I said. Who knows if you would want to find yourself
a British subject, in twenty-one years? Time enough
then. So I left it till you should be old enough——”
“It didn’t strike you, I suppose, that a war might break
out in the meantime?”
“It did not strike a great many other people, Richard.”
“Doch! everyone but an idiot; an idiot and a bungler
... with your prate of ‘my children’s rights,’ and ‘my
children’s opinions’ and ‘my children’s liberty.’... A
bungler with your children, like with everything else, you
are bringing one of them to an internment camp; we will
see to what fine end you bring the other.”
Richard faced round sharply: “Is that what it means for
me?”
“We cannot tell for certain; I will make an appeal on your
behalf——”
“Damn! I don’t want any appeals. It’s not a felony to
be born in one place instead of another. What’s the law?”
“By pre-war law, you took your father’s nationality while
you were a minor—but all that has been altered——”
Ferdinand took up the paper: “They’ve been lenient so
far; but all this agitation—the Home Secretary has had to
make concessions to the public. They are rounding up enemy
aliens of military age; that does not concern you at present.
You will have to register under the Five-Mile Act until—until——”
“Until I’m old enough to have enlisted,” muttered the boy.
“And Deb?”
“Deb is all right; she was born in England. At least—I
must see: there is still some confusion under these new conditions
as to whether you are what your father is, or where
you were born. And they alter the law every five minutes.
But I think she is all right.”
“Good,” with a breath of relief. “And you, dad?”
“They are not persecuting the naturalized, so far. There
is an outcry from the extreme party, but——” Ferdie shrugged
his shoulders, “I am a British subject.”
“And grandfather? And Aunt Stella?”
“They are repatriating the old people and the women and
children. But exemptions are to be made in special cases;
Stella has been a resident here for so many years——”
“And I, being a cripple of nearly eighty, your English may
have the kindness to allow me to die under a flag which I
have certainly no wish to live under.”
“Cut all that!” his grandson silenced him roughly. “It’s
rank pro-German——”
“German,” Hermann methodically corrected him. “I at
least know what I am.”
“And Richard and I also know what we are, too,” Ferdie
shouted warmly, clapping his hand on Richard’s broad, and
at that moment exceedingly forbidding shoulder; “our
sentiments for this country of ours are loyal as any Britishers’;
we cheer their victories. We continue to salute the Union
Jack with pride in our hearts——”
“Whatever such foolishness you may commit, liebe
Ferdinand, you remain only half an Englishman.”
Ferdie’s resolute bellow gained strength with every caustic
interruption from his parent. “We will cheerfully give help
where we are permitted——”
Richard broke in: “—And cheerfully let ourselves be
hoofed out where we’re not? No, I’m not going to hang
round the edges of patriotism like a beggar. Why wasn’t I
told of all this till now?”
It struck Ferdie that Richard was at times disconcertingly
like his grandfather. “Why should you have been made
worried and uncomfortable at school, while there was still no
need? And before the war, what did it matter where you
were born?”
“And now, what else matters in all the world?” the first
numbness of shock had passed, and Richard’s innermost being
was plunging in every direction like a tortured bull caught
inside the ring-fence. “You’ve robbed me of my nationality—professing
to be so keen on my happiness. Born in Germany,
and lugged over to England; educated in England,
and allowed to take it for granted I was English, and all the
while a German subject—in God’s name, where do I belong?
what am I? who can claim me? Oh yes, you’ve been jolly
good to me, I don’t deny that; you’ve spoilt me; you’ve
given me everything—except a country. But to shove a fellow
in a position where an outbreak of war leaves him with his
sentiments in one place, and his birth-certificate in another,
is rather overdoing the freedom-of-choice stunt. You might
have known all along I’d care to be rooted somewhere. Citizenship
doesn’t go for nothing, even in peace——”
“Nonsense, Richard; be honest; how much did you trouble
your head about citizenship, before nineteen-fourteen?”
“I thought I was English,” Richard said. And repeated,
with a sort of dazed pugnacious idiocy: “I thought I was
English.” Then he flared out again: “You didn’t think at
all. You were just careless. Why on earth did you want to
take me to Germany to be born?”
“I have told you; your grandfather sent for us.”
“It wouldn’t have hurt him to wait a year or two. Much
he cared if he never saw any of you again. You were all
afraid to say no to him. I thought myself so lucky to be born
in these times. What’s the good of the war now?”
His father could not forbear from a smile at the savage
young egoism. The boy saw it, and raged on: “It would
have been better if I’d died when my mother died——”
“Hush, hush, my son.”
... Richard crashed his weight on to a chair, head butted
down on his arms along the back rail. And the two men
watched him in silence; one of them thinking with a slow,
grudging, resentment how good a moment it might have been
for him to have seen this youngster in an officer’s light-blue
uniform, come clanging and jangling into a certain house in
Munich, to bid good-bye before his departure to win glory for
the Vaterland. And the other was vainly groping round for
what comfort he could give his only son in trouble; Dorothea
would have so known what little tender thing to do or say
... his eyes filled with tears, and in his over-anxious endeavour
to play mother at this juncture, he blundered dismally:
“Come, come, my boy—buck up! You who are usually
so sensible. It isn’t such a tragedy, even if it should end,
at the worst, by internment. You will be safe, and with
friends——”
Richard slowly lifted his head. He looked rather old for
sixteen, and his voice dragged like tired footsteps on a heavy
road:
“Sorry if I was rude, dad. Yes, of course I’ll be safe.
Much safer than in the Flying Corps. I didn’t think of that.
I’m going to bed now. Good-night.”
Half-way across the room, he came back for the evening
paper. Then he went out.
... Strange that his brain should have shot right away
from the main catastrophe on to this tangent question of
reprisals! There, out in mid-ocean, a liner sunk; here, in a
London slum, a baker’s shop raided. Where was the connection?
A Gottlieb for an Ethel Ann.... “Yes, but is
it quite fair—revenge by proxy? it wasn’t Schnabel who
drowned Ethel Ann; it was another German; Schnabel was
all the while harmlessly selling loaves. Why should he have
to pay?” Were they thinking of that, the mad herd who had
rushed up the street, brandishing their crowbars and axes and
pokers? “Was I thinking of it? To relieve one’s feelings
... biting on the tooth—yes, but it’s got to be that especial
nervous tooth—and you should want to hit the same German,
not any old German, or the next-best German. If Ethel Ann’s
mother could have got in on one of the torpedo crew ... I
suppose one can’t expect a crowd to reason that way. But
I might have saved him.... Damn it, why should I? he’s
a German!”
And so am I—and so am I—knocked the meaningless
hammer refrain from the walls and ceiling of his room, from
every corner and cranny; in the wind that fitfully rattled
the blind; in the creak of the chair; and from the rumble
of traffic far below.... So am I—so am I—everywhere but
inside his brain, where the mere statement might have been
quickened to torturing realization—but it seemed unable to
force an entrance, pushed out by a fantastic jumble of oddments
he had never thought out before, never bothered to
think out.
—Naturalized ... what exactly did that stand for? A
paper which was given in payment of some small sum, stating
that you were no more of one nationality, but of another....
But surely nationality was no surface matter, to be dealt with
in this arbitrary fashion? it went deeper: your own country,
your own soil. “‘Breathes there a man with soul so dead!’
how Fraser ranted that, last term when they were doing
Scott. Beastly showing-off!... What will they say at
Winborough when I tell them?—No, hang! that wasn’t
it.... Nationality—the place where you were born——”
A dead halt in the onrush of thought. Richard stared
blankly around him.... Then it began again, mental
machinery that whirled ever faster, grinding, minutely grinding,
at all that stray lumpy stuff....
“Nothing to do with where you were born. I can swear
to that. That’s accidental. And your father’s nationality—accidental
too, as far as you’re concerned; can’t be tacked
on to it as a matter of course.
“What is it, then? The land that holds a meaning for
you; it might be a question of habitation, or tradition, or
convenience—herd instinct with the people you live among.
Or—or imagination.
“No—it digs further down than that even.
“It ought to be the sum of where you were born, and where
your father was born as well, and his father; where you have
always lived, and always hope to live.”
But people move about. Cross over. Get mixed. You
cannot actually fasten down humanity as neatly as on a map;
a line here, and a line there, and this side is English, and this
side German. During all these years of peace, little separate
individuals busily and happily intermarrying and begetting
children; becoming entangled in trade and in friendship;
by a million amenities of commerce and art and amusement
and family, semi-obliterating the sharp boundary
outlines——
“People drift about. And then a war happens. Like a
ripping of canvas. No—like two lines of trenches.... A
scramble apart to either trench—lucky beggars who know
quite distinctly where they belong. And No Man’s Land
between. And some stranded in No Man’s Land....
“To be officially of No Man’s Land—that’s one thing;
can’t be helped; penalty of carelessness beforehand. But is
it possible, I wonder, to feel yourself not for one country nor
another? neither mattering? neither victory mattering?
“Socialism—international socialism. But then one must
care principally for all humanity—in a lump. And that’s
patriotism too, on the largest scale of all. Just like a man
crazy only on his own duck-pond is a patriot—a local patriot.
All Man’s Land ... One Man’s Land....
“Not for me, thanks. If I had been twenty-one before
all this shindy, I’d have been naturalized English!”
Naturalized! Was that only an official cover again? And
under the covers, what were those people actually thinking?
The Rothenburgs? thousands like them—the half-and-half
people....
“I like a German to be a German!”... “Naturalized or
unnaturalized, it’s all the same to me!”... “Can a leopard
change his spots?”...
Memory offered him these stray phrases perpetually uttered
and repeated in a penetrating rasp—where?... in the hall
downstairs, and at—at breakfast, surely? (memory struggled)—Oh
yes! old Gryce. Behind the voice a crude pink face
materialized, with an ugly sag of line at the corners of the
mouth and a wisp of white beard wagging from the chin.
Old Gryce was always ejecting that type of remark.
“Intern them all!... We didn’t ask them to settle
over here. We don’t want them....”
The boy paced up and down the room, head bent, hands
locked behind him, brows heavily knit, thinking it out:
Naturalization was, after all, a promise—well, a bargain
then; what was a bargain but a mutual promise? A whole
community had learnt to rely securely on such a promise;
had confidently forfeited the protection and advantages of
their native land, in favour of an adopted country. And
now if their security were repudiated on excuse of war——
“Is there any stipulating clause in the naturalization contract,
making it void in the event of war, I wonder? Because
if not——
“But we can’t leave enemy blood loose about the country
during war-time. It isn’t safe. They might all be spies.
Some of them are. And spying is the worst thing of all—abuse
of hospitality. No wonder the thought of it drives people to
a sort of madness——”
He took up the evening edition—flung it down again; too
dark to read anything but the headlines: “More Anti-German
Riots”——
... Someone crouching low in the corner by the cupboard.
A patch of white. A face—mad-frightened.... “Ach,
bitte——”... The little German baker.—Or ... no—the
face had changed—it was Richard himself, staring panic-stricken,
yet reproachfully, at that other Richard who was
leading against him a hostile mob:
“He’s a German!”
“And so am I—and so am I——”
It had stabbed through to the brain at last.
“I’m not a German. It’s a lie. I’m not. I hate the Germans.
They have drowned Ethel Ann ... Ethel Ann....”
How had she looked? had she brown or fair hair?—but
all hair is the same in the water ... dank seaweed round a
discoloured pulp....
“Swine! Swine!”—he was pacing again with rapid,
demented step. “That’s not the game as it should be played,
as it was arranged to be played. It’s a breach of the rules.
Women and children and non-combatants excluded, and every
man with a chance of self-defence. The conventions of
war——”
And suddenly Richard stood still and began to laugh. And
what chance of defence had a man standing beside a bursting
bomb thrown by an unseen hand from fifty yards away?
Little silly, fretful rules—with death and destruction and decay
streaming wide over one country after another; whirring in
the very air above God’s churches; throbbing in the sea under
the millionaire’s pleasure-ship; each individual helplessly
involved with their bodies or with their goods or with their
hearts. Then, what the devil is the use of some abstract
gabble about the conventions of a game? ... All that was
for five hundred years ago, when one soldier had it out with
another soldier according to the laws of chivalry. But in
this wholesale welter.... All that fuss about two or three
isolated lives sacrificed against the rules, as compared to the
thousands according to rule; agony outside the rules, and
agony according to rule. When it comes to it, what’s the
difference? Ludicrous to reason in the old way—the ravings
of an idiot; we have ramped so far round in the circle of
civilization that we are miles behind again....
Richard did not attempt to turn his feverish, dishevelled
reflections into coherence; but he could not force his mind
from fastening with this queer new tenacity on aspects to
which, until now, it had been muffled to a remote indifference.
The war and all its immense and tendril complexities—how
could he ever have viewed it just as a matter of dealing blows?
“It’s because I was to have had an active part in it. I
was going to join up. The only way to avoid war-horror is
to take part in it. What will it look like from the internment
camp?——”
Imagination pierced—and recoiled from the threatened
nausea of stagnation. Internment ... why, he and Deb
had joked about it (“Yes, Deb’s all right; I’m glad Deb’s all
right!”)—Concentration camps; potted Germans—“Did you
know, Richard, Gustav Fürth was potted yesterday?” ...
Jokes!—What were they like, these camps? the prisoners
were well-treated, he had heard; but what did you do? ...
Vision of two fattish young Teutons sleepy over their game
of dominoes. This for him, while out there, out there, was the
scrum and the sacrifice. This for Richard, who was a fighter
... “Oh God! let the war be over before I’m eighteen!”
PART II
CHAPTER I
“It was your pal I wanted really—not you,” Antonia Verity
informed Deb, when their friendship was sturdy enough to
withstand such frankness, “I didn’t like you.”
“Jenny?—Yes, she was worth fifty of me.”
“And yet you’re not really humble,” the other laughed.
“Ring for tea, Deb. I’m tired of seeing you brooding like a
sphinx. The pleasure grows monotonous. I suppose you
can’t brood while you eat macaroons?”
“Easily; they’re quite dry and manageable.”
“Tea, please, and a poached egg for Miss Marcus,” Antonia
commanded of the servant. “I can’t help it if you don’t
want it, Deb—you must be cured of that inscrutable habit.
I just can’t bear it. How many men have called you Sphinx
in your exotic career?”
“All, except one or two. It’s very popular. So is Serpent
of the Nile and Cleopatra and little Princess of Egypt. When
I am moved to cry ‘Yah, chestnut!’ to these endearments,
they offer to strangle me in my own hair.”
“Which usually hangs down in readiness. You’re the only
person I’ve met outside fiction whose hair naturally gravitates
towards your heels. Even on the night we first met——”
“Yes. The soldier and I had been fooling.... Antonia,
you guessed, didn’t you, that time—about Jenny?”
“I saw that she was really ill when I came into your room.
And I was puzzled, because I had been quite sure before, that
you and she were in some plot to escape from La llorraine.
But I doubt if she knew herself, in that semi-hysterical
condition, when sham ended and the real began. What did
she actually die of?”
“Heart failure. She was weakened by a lot of ’flu, and
aspirin, and operations, and nursing other people. I ought
to have known the difference. But she was always wildly
emotional, and almost as often in pain, and then that evening’s
excitement——” Deb broke off. It was four months now since
the night when Cora had lowered her flame in sympathy with
the break-up of the Chorus. Four months—and Jenny dead
was so very dead.... Her memory did not abide as lingeringly
as in the case of a more spiritual or more intellectual personality.
A warm quick reality of everyday little touches and
eager practical services ... these things die with the flesh.
Deb just knew that neither Cora nor the room nor the soldier
nor her own family had stood for home-always-on-the-tap on
the second floor landing, as Jenny did. And the little group
of people surrounding Jenny seemed mechanically to flop away
in different directions, after that evening. Dolph took Bobby
away to his people. La llorraine and Manon left Montagu
Hall in a whirlwind of rage, because Mr Gryce had complained
of Madame’s breakfast costume; the Turkish slippers seemed
particularly to offend him. Of the Soldier no more had been
heard. And even Deb’s room in which it had all happened,
was abandoned. “D’you mind if we share a double-room,
Deb?” Aunt Stella had asked rather anxiously, about a
month later. “Now that Richard is coming back for the
Easter holidays and will want a den of his own, I suggested it
might be a saving for your father if we don’t scatter quite so
much. But he says you must be asked first if you’ll consent
to sleep with a soured old maid,” with that tinkling laugh that
never sounded quite as mirthful as the spirit it accompanied.
Deb was quite glad of the change. The associations of
her old bed were rather poignant. Stella could not bear the
smell of Cora, who was henceforth packed away in a boxroom.
And Deb began to wonder if all her life would be a succession
of disjointed episodes, each with its full complement of cast
and scenery, and each when it was over to be slipped as easily
as a bead off a string. Daisybanks, in the careless life before
the war: what was known as the “Portman Rooms set”
of wealthy semi-artistic young Israelites—dances—the river—frequent
companionship of Hedvig and Lenchen Rothenburg.
That bead slipped. Dorzheim, and its marionette figures:
Felix and Marianna Koch, Sigismund who looked like Jesus
Christ, Ralph and Huldah van Sittart, Elly Ladenberg from
Manchester, clearest of all, perhaps, the upturned face of Lothar
von Relling.... They existed now and performed their parts,
hidden away behind a thick black curtain ... what matter
if it were never raised again. Then the Chorus....
What next?
After a pause, Antonia Verity answered that question.
Antonia, following up a whim, came to Montagu Hall to see
Jenny. Not finding Jenny, she knocked at the door of Deb’s
former bedroom. Deb was just moving—that is to say she
was sitting dreamily on an overturned drawer, in the midst of
a scrum of her possessions, reading a mid-Victorian novel
entitled “Anna Lee, Maiden, Wife and Mother.”
“Come and listen to this,” she bade Antonia without further
greeting.
They became intimate over “Anna Lee.”
In Antonia Verity, Deb recognized with mixed feelings the
temperament she had always most coveted, most desired to
find in herself. The natural Artemis, Artemis from no simpering
prudery nor actual coldness of disposition—but that
Artemis who instinctively runs from the pursuer; Artemis
in love with her own chastity. Her eyes, changing from hazel
to green, deepset in shadow and drooping at the corners, were
at perpetual war with the pure scissored curves of her mouth.
Deb was aware that Antonia could never deal in fragments
where her love-affairs were concerned; and that she rather
wondered at those who did. It seemed therefore a foregone
conclusion to Deb, whose mind was prone to run on lines of
fairy-tale justice, that life must hold for Antonia the eventual
big thing; bank in which this guarded stored-up treasure
would ultimately find safe deposit. It remained a miracle to
her how Antonia managed not to fritter the treasure. She
never saw that trifles simply did not happen to the other girl.
Men ... knew. They liked her peacefully, but some fundamental
quality in her gave them their cue for decent behaviour
as a matter of course. As a same matter of course, they
embarked on amorous experiment with Deb; could not leave
her alone. And this, though Deb longed for Antonia’s secret
to attract the better treatment; more than ever admired her
ideal of a girl clad in a sort of symbolic moonwhite armour,
now that it had become incarnate. Though she had been often
to Antonia’s studio, she had never yet succeeded in probing
a certain aloofness in her friend....
Jenny—and then Antonia. Jenny whom one touched ...
a fervent cosiness of friendship punctuated throughout by
touch—it was impossible to conceive of friendship with
Antonia thus emphasized. Antonia was good to look at—delicate,
clean lines—no mess; her mind clearly braced to
all encounter, whether of laughter or argument. But it
was unthinkable that one should touch Antonia, nor seek
touch from her; Antonia guarded something ... as yet
inviolable.
“Who was the man in the room?” Antonia enquired
suddenly, at work upon her portrait of Deb.
“Oh—he was—a—a man.”
“Yes, I gathered that with the naked eye.”
“Incredible, Holmes—it passes human understanding.”
“It passes human understanding what that gentleman
in shirt sleeves was doing, cooking asparagus in your
room.”
“No scandal about asparagus, I hope?”
“They reeked of it—that night.”
Deb moved restlessly. “Don’t be priggish, Antonia.”
“It isn’t priggishness. Oh, do understand that. It’s—decency.
Not towards other people, but towards one’s self.
I don’t care about conventions.... Yes, I do—they prevent
litter and disorder—and they can’t really get deep enough to
handicap the emotions. What I meant was that I don’t care
about opinion. I do as I like.”
“Well then ... So do I.”
“No. A man in your bedroom for an hour or two, just to
talk to ... and then good-night—that’s not doing as you
like. He shouldn’t have been there at all. Taking you and
your room for granted. And your lips.”
“He never kissed me,” said Deb in a very low voice.
“I said he took your lips for granted—and the possibility
of them. His decision is beside the point. Deb, how I wish
you wouldn’t!”
After a pause the other girl said, “I won’t ask ‘what?’
because I suppose I know.... And I agree with you. We
ought to save it all up for the one man——”
“No, no, no. That’s merely commercial. To keep one’s
market value uncorrupted.... Manon llorraine’s standards.
Horrid little ingénue. She reckoned every look thrown to
that poor begging man Carew as so much profitless waste of
virgin stock.”
“I must say, you took in rather a lot, that one hectic evening
at Montagu Hall.”
Antonia rushed on: “Not to save all up for the one man—but
... isn’t maidenhood in itself rather a splendid thing?
I wish that didn’t sound so affected. This isn’t the Suffrage
standard. I don’t hate the other sex—not a bit. I like them.
But ... just to be proud, and not slovenly.”
“You think I’m slovenly?”
“I’ve never seen you for more than a minute in male
company. But I fancy, if I had, I should have wanted to cry
out every minute: ‘don’t—oh don’t!’”
“As bad as that?” lightly Deb had to feign amusement,
for her Artemis girl was flicking her well on the raw. She
remembered how she had experienced just that desire to cry
out “don’t” when Jenny——
So she stood half-way between Antonia and Jenny. But
Jenny had been married—and Antonia said “isn’t maidenhood
in itself rather a splendid thing?”
A chill white dawn faintly shot with gold ... for Antonia?
for herself and Antonia? But surely such divine hesitancy
and glamour were for the girl of eighteen, seventeen, sixteen
... wide eyes, intent on vision, tremulous childish lips,
“no one shall kiss me until he comes....” And the end
of the legend was that he came, and kissed her—just before
she was tired of waiting—at twenty, say; or twenty-one.
That answered the riddle so easily for young Artemis. But
if the legend missed its obvious conclusion?... She was now
twenty-four, and Antonia twenty-six ... Antonia’s austere
demands were rather a strain on passion unsatisfied in the
late twenties—rather a strain on the chill-white-dawn ideal.
Antonia at sixteen, tingling from hot indignant scorn at anything
which ran counter to her unshaken, unshakeable schoolgirl
principles of what was “right”—Antonia at sixteen, not
unlike Deb at sixteen; dreaming in a walled garden of lilacs.
They had outgrown it——
What now?
Some sort of a compromise ... a dream semi-yielded, semi-cherished....
Oh, just chance it! A separate code of rules
for every transient episode—or none at all—or trust to the
moment’s inspiration—take love haphazard—compromise....
Burton Ames had left her possessed by the very desperation
of restlessness. And it was easier now to give lightly, since
striving to compete with Jenny, she had once broken bounds.
Jenny had died, without getting what she wanted; Jenny had
shown how easy, how frighteningly easy, it was to die ...
slip away. So cram in something at all costs, lest it should
happen to you like that....
“Here you are!” Antonia threw her the sketch on which
she had the last half hour been working. It was a startlingly
clever study in crayons. Underneath it was scrawled “Girl
of the Transition Period.”
Petulantly Deb flicked it away. “‘It’s pretty—but is it
art?’” she quoted.
“No. It’s psychology.”
“Résumé of our conversation. And yet my people allow me
to do what I please, say what I please, go where I please, with
whom I please—they’re awfully broad-minded.”
“That’s just why your career is so precarious, my wee one.
You’re up against nothing—except your own extremely hazy
sense of self-respect. If your father and your Aunt Stella
were saying ‘don’t’ all the time, and locking you in your
room, and forbidding men the house, and intercepting letters,
and generally behaving as we’ve been taught the Best Parents
ought to behave, you’d be kept busy defying them, which is a
quite healthy occupation. At the worst, in a mood of superlative
defiance, you’d go right over the wall ... well, that’s
at least honest. All this laxness and let-her-do-as-she-likes,
and ‘I’m sure young men are to be trusted now-a-days’....
But parents are not to be trusted. I don’t know what parents
are coming to. My mother—it’s her sorrow that I haven’t
yet formed a Bold Free Union for her to countenance and
encourage——”
“And you would never consent to do it; have no desire
to do it. It’s a sad waste of an indulgent parent, Antonia.
Thousands of girls get cursed and kicked out of home for just
that boldness and freeness which your mother pines to find in
you.”
“The darling!—it’s only theoretical pining. Any vivid details
of a Bold and Free Union would shock her beyond words.
I suppose the truth is that parents are thinking too much—and
not enough. It’s still only surface lenience. They’d
howl quite as loudly, and break their hearts quite as vehemently
as the old-fashioned parent, if we really transgressed.”
“Father would, of course, which puts it out of the question.”
“You being financially dependent on him?”
“Not only that. I happen to be fond of him.”
Antonia smiled, a sweet slow warmth and kindling of her
wonted frostiness. “Is there that much grace in you,
woman?”
“Though you didn’t allow for it in the sketch—yes, there is.”
“I won’t exhibit the sketch, I promise you.”
“Antonia, dear——” Mrs Verity stood, with one hand
pushing aside the dark blue and green portière of the studio.
A neat little figure in a black dress with white collar and cuffs;
a precise little spinster, one would say, from a novel of Jane
Austen or Mrs Gaskell. Manners of superlative delicacy;
speech in which each separate syllable was clearly articulated;
a habit of mind which seized on the most trivial utterance of
others, and smoothed it out flat for earnest consideration.
Mrs Verity’s personality was such as to make it quite credible
that Antonia was found in a gooseberry bush.
“Good afternoon, Miss Marcus. Are you quite well? Yes?
Really? I am so pleased. It is delightful to find you here
with Antonia. I wonder if I might ask for a cup of tea? Not
if it is at all inconvenient, Antonia. I can order it in the
dining-room, indeed I can. Do you not think the parks are
looking lovely? I wonder if—— But I interrupted you,
Miss Marcus.”
“Oh, it’s nothing,” said Deb, who had only begun an affirmative:
“Yes, aren’t they?” in reference to the parks.
“Oh, but please, please say what you were going to say. It
was unpardonably rude of me to cut you so short.”
“It wasn’t anything worth repeating, Mrs Verity. Do go on
with what you were going to say—‘I wonder if——’”
“No, indeed, that can quite well wait till you say what you
were going to say.”
“But really—I’ve forgotten it,” cried Deb, by now hysterically
incapable of the “Yes, aren’t they?” of her original
intention.
“My fault; how could I——”
“Here’s your tea, mother;” Antonia smiled mischievously
down on the punctilious little lady’s distress.
Deb stretched her limbs lazily, without displaying, however,
much determination to move. She was rather hoping that
Antonia would invite her to stay. But:
“I have to be going out presently, but in an opposite
direction, or I’d ask you to wait for me.”
“Are you supping with Gillian? I thought you told me
you expected her here; Miss Marcus, do you not agree
with me that Gillian Sherwood is quite a remarkable
character?”
An almost imperceptible contraction of Antonia’s brows
expressed impatience. “What was the lecture like?” she
asked. Deb pondered on the unknown Gillian, hardly hearing
Mrs Verity’s painstaking description. This was one of the
moments when she was convinced of mystery in the background
of Antonia’s life. Why had she never mentioned a Gillian who
had a remarkable character, with whom she was on terms of
supper? Why did she apparently object so strongly to her
mother’s introduction of the name? Why was she on certain
occasions so anxious to rid herself of Deb’s company? Why was
she so vague and elusive as to the manner in which she had
spent the foregoing day, or intended to spend the morrow?
Why had she once said casually “Don’t drop in here without
letting me know, Deb. Always ’phone. I’m out such a
lot, it’s hardly worth your while to chance it....” Antonia
herself was always “chancing it” at Montagu Hall.
A second door in the studio led to a small garden. Beyond
the panes a tall young man suddenly loomed, and rapped three
times, as might a conspirator.
“It’s Cliffe Kennedy,” remarked Mrs Verity, and nodded
cheerfully to him. Immediately, as though at some signal,
he opened the door, strolled in, and immediately burst forth:
“I’ve just told a man that his wife was an abominable female!
Yes, an abominable female! and he didn’t know whether to
agree with me or not.—Antonia, one doesn’t put tea away
when a visitor comes. One brings it out.—I think people
ought to know their own minds about that sort of thing, don’t
you, Mrs Verity?”
Mrs Verity, as was her wont, gave the matter her weightiest
consideration of puckered brow and clasped fingers. “It
certainly seems to me of the utmost importance that a man
should be aware of his exact state of harmony or disharmony
towards the woman in whose company he is compelled to pass
at least two-thirds of his normal existence,” she pronounced.
“But perhaps he hesitated to express his opinion to you in the
fear that it might by some means be carried back to his wife?”
“Not the slightest fear of that—she was there, my dear lady,
beside him at the very moment when I said ‘Your wife is an
abominable female’—did I say abominable or loathsome? I
forget!—‘And all your old pals including myself consider
you’ve ruined yourself by marrying her. Throw her off, man,
throw her off!’ That was the time for him to agree and get
rid of her. Permanently. No woman of spirit could stop with
a man aware of the opinion of his pals. But he’s ruined, I
tell you. His pluck is broken. He just sniggered and moved
away backwards conciliatingly; and She, the hag, the doll,
the curly hypocrite, murmured: ‘Come along, Bertie!’—I
ask you! ‘Come along, Bertie!’... Antonia, who’s that
Florentine page lying over there among the cushions wondering
about the handsome young man with hair like the village
idiot?”
Deb started at this accurate guess at her reflections, and
Cliffe Kennedy grinned at her in excellent fellowship.
Mrs Verity exclaimed: “Forgive me, I have been exceedingly
remiss. I should have introduced you before, indeed I should.
How could I have neglected to do so?”—though it was hard
to say at which point of Mr Kennedy’s speech she could have
effected the introduction.
“This is Antonia’s great friend, Deb Marcus. Miss Marcus,
Mr Cliffe Kennedy. Cliffe, I will think about the problem of
your friend and his wife. I am sure you meant to do good by
your intercession. It seems to me a great pity under the
circumstances that they should be definitely and not merely
experimentally married. And now, since we may not meet
again to-day——” She bade good-bye to Deb and Kennedy,
patted her daughter’s shoulder, and slipped unobtrusively
away.
“Well,” flung out Kennedy to Deb, “was I right about the
village idiot?”
She glanced at his golden shock-head, and parried to save
herself. “I see no straws spiking in every direction in your
hair.”
“And you can’t make village idiots without straw. Good.
Nor can you break camels’ backs. Nor tell which way the wind
is blowing.”
“Nor eat ice-cream sodas.”
“The straw is a useful animal. Awful dearth of village
idiots because Selfridge’s have made a corner in straws for
their soda fountain. Species practically extinct. Sole surviving
specimen, C. Kennedy, Esq., fireman, pageant-maker
and pork-butcher. Pageants and pork while you pause.
Preposterous prices! Antonia, you remember my inspiration
for a grand historical pageant of barques up the Thames in
commemoration of the death of Ethelred the Unready?”
“I remember a few rough suggestions you threw out, of a
sort of Lord Mayor’s show,” laughed Antonia, “presenting
every sort of special occasion on which the English people were
notoriously unready, headed by Ethelred himself, refusing to
get up on his wedding-morning because he had overtired himself
the night before, taking cinema films of a tortoise——”
“And ending with a symbolic presentment of the proverb
‘Always lock the stable door after the horse has got away; it
does no harm and amuses the horse’—tableau of same, with horse
smiling happily over the adjoining hedge. Would you believe
it, Antonia, that when I approached the Lord Mayor on the
subject, and put it to him that this was the undoubted moment
for the Educational Value of such a moral lesson upon the
psychology of the gritty-nosed board-school child, and would
he lend me some of the comic costumes and coachmen he must
have lying about from his own piffling show—Antonia, he said:
‘Young man, are you aware that this country is at war?’
and handed me a white feather torn from the hindmost of a
flock of geese who happened to be waddling across the hall.
I didn’t lose my temper, Antonia. I put it into my buttonhole,
and said very calmly, ‘Thank you—that’s the second
present I’ve had to-day,’ and turning back the coat lapel on
the other side, I showed him my V.C. where the King had pinned
it. Then all the geese rose on their hind legs and cheered——”
Deb’s childish peals of laughter broke off his narration. Till
the last episode recounted, she had been in bewilderment
trying to sift fantasy from fact; with such vivid conviction
did the speaker present each succeeding picture: the smiling
horse, the mayor bending for the feather, the proud young V.C.
... but that incident at least might quite well be true——
“Are you a V.C.?”
He gave her rather a queer look from his candid forget-me-not
blue eyes. And he put down his cup and walked sharply
to the window, and remarked in a very matter-of-fact tone:
“No. I’ve been medically rejected for the Army. You see,
I’ve only been given another year to live, and I suppose they
thought it a pity to reduce the allowance.”
“Never mind, Cliffe,” said Antonia gently—and Deb, the
tears choking in her throat, waited for the message of divine
womanly consolation that was doubtless on its way—“A
well-meaning man can tell an enormous quantity of lies even
in one year. Don’t give up. Look at him well, Deb—he has a
wrinkle in his face for every lie his lips have spoken.”
The man turned round to give the entire benefit of his long
face, webbed and wrinkled by a thousand evidences of inaccurate
statement. Sombrely he looked at Deb:
“Shall I tell you how I was cured of my habit of lying, in
spite of Antonia? Yes, cured, by God, and by pretty drastic
means....” He bent his chin on to his hands. Deb knew
instinctively that on this one occasion, if never again, out of a
fever of imaginative falsehood was emerging a simple and
rather poignant piece of truth——
“Never mind the details,” he broke out abruptly—“just
take it that there was a woman, and she loved me—I never
knew how much. She was responsive to my moods as a field
of barley to the wind—rustling to shadow and waving back
to pure light. A field of barley, I tell you!” he cried fiercely,
striking the table with his fist.... “I was miserably depressed
over something or other—again a detail—and she tried
to laugh it off. That irritated me—she wasn’t taking the
tragedy seriously enough. My tragedy! ‘Ring me up to-morrow,
Cliffe, between seven and eight, and let me hear the
worst,’ and again that forced silly little laugh. I replied with
an inflexion of mocking composure—intensely dramatic:
‘Very well, dear. If I haven’t rung up by five minutes to eight,
you’ll know I’ve put a bullet through my head.’ And left it
at that.”
He brooded a moment.
“I rang up at two minutes past eight. And it was she who
had put a bullet through her head.... Couldn’t endure
the prospect of life without me. Oh, no, I hadn’t waited
deliberately; I was merely rather rushed, and I’d forgotten
the terms of my farewell the evening before. And she had
waited ... at the other end ... fifty-five minutes of slow
agony....”
“Well, you can understand it cured me of the habit of the
effective lie.”
The girls were both silent. The light was fading from the
studio. Antonia’s voice spoke with a quiver of laughing
accusation: “Cliffe, dear, do I spy another and very recent
wrinkle?”
Deb cried in sharp distress, “Oh, Antonia ...” for either
the other had trodden with profane feet on sacred ground, or....
She appealed to Cliffe. “It was true?”
“It depends what you mean by true,” he replied with the
air of a man slowly descending to earth by parachute. “I
think that somewhere or other, and for the reason I have told
you, a woman must have sat listening through fifty-five
moments for the tinkle of a telephone bell to release her—or
how could I know it all so vividly? They say the human
imagination is incapable of conceiving outside reality. That
the man was not myself?—an accident. Or perhaps it was
indeed myself, and I have forgotten it, and in telling you this as
a mere tale I’m calling truth itself a lie....”
“I must go,” said Deb politely. “Good-bye.”
“I’ll see you home, wherever it is.” Cliffe lounged to his feet.
“No, thanks,” coldly.
“But I want to. You’re angry with me. And I must put
myself right——”
“By another lie?” A flame of indignation in the grey
eyes that accused him of rousing her emotions by false pretences.
Deb had been profoundly moved by the climax of the tale.
Cliffe argued good-humouredly: “For goodness’ sake, why
all this arbitrary distinction between what I invent and what
God invents. Of course I’ll see you home.”
“Deb’s stopping to supper with me,” Antonia struck in.
“She’s dying to ask me all about you, and my account will be
just as picturesque and much more reliable than yours.”
“But, Antonia, I thought you were supping out—with Gillian
somebody?”
“Mother said so. I didn’t. I’m supposed to go to some
very dull people and I’ve decided to ’phone them off.”
“What do you think of our Gillian?” Cliffe asked of Deb.
“I don’t know her.”
“Don’t know her—but she’s always here or at Zoe’s.”
“Who’s Zoe?”
Kennedy turned excitedly to Antonia: “I say, they must
meet, mustn’t they? I believe she and Gillian would hit it off
frightfully well. And Zoe’s a whole music-hall entertainment
in herself, though I abominate the Spanish Jew of a shoemaker
she’s walking out with now. Let’s phone them to come round
here to-night. And Winny too——”
“This isn’t a branch of the Y.W.C.A., Cliffe,” Antonia tried
amusedly to check his exuberant overflow of conviviality.
But Cliffe ran on.
“No—let me see—Zoe shows off best in her own Palais
Royale flat—she needs all the doors and cupboards to be really
at her best. I’ll give a tea-party there next Saturday. Blair
Stevenson may be up on leave, and has asked me to let him meet
that singer woman I told him about, with hair just like mine!
You must meet her too, Miss Marcus—you positively must.”
“You mean La llorraine—oh, I know her well.” Deb was
glad to have found one name familiar among all these pattering
new names.
“Good. You’ll come to the tea-party? Antonia will bring
you—it’s in a street rather tricky to find. I’m keen on backing
Zoe against La llorraine for sheer verbal energy. Take the field
bar none. For this evening we’ll just have Gillian and Winifred
and Theo. Shall I ’phone them, Antonia, or will you?”
“You can,” said Antonia. “No—bother! Gillian is away
till Tuesday, and Winny without her sends me to sleep. And
Theo Pandos is a bounder—Deb wouldn’t care about
him.”
“That brings the party down to the present three. At least,
I suppose I can stop to supper, Antonia, as you’re not going out
after all? You haven’t invited me yet.”
“Of course you can. Don’t you know that a studio girl
always keeps a stray tin of sardines in the cupboard?”
“And a black and emerald cushion on the divan. Curse it,
what I’ve had to suffer dodging the lure of the generic studio
cushion. But yours is hardly the generic studio, Antonia.
You actually use it for the quaint and unusual purpose of
painting pictures in it. The girl of nowadays rents a studio
to picnic in by moonlight, or because it has such a ducksome
musician’s gallery to sleep in, or a parquet floor for fox-trotting,
or an acoustic. Have you a studio, Miss Marcus? Excuse
me not calling you by your Christian name for a few weeks,
but the whimsical Bohemian vagabond, a species whom I
abhor, always uses Christian names within three minutes of
introduction.”
“Or else a charming invented name,” Deb supplemented.
“I’ll call you ‘Big-Brother-Man’ and you shall call me ‘All-Alone-Girl.’”
“Or you call me ‘Daddy Longlegs’ and I’ll call you ‘Peg
o’ my Heart.’”
“May I? Oh, may I really? And will you? Will you
really?”
“Antonia, I’m rather taken with this new person. Where
did you pick her up?”
“In a boarding-house. Go on appreciating her, while I
’phone up my hostess for this evening and tell her I have toothache.”
Antonia ran up the two steps to the door which led
to the house; and stood an instant poised on the topmost,
surveying Deb and Cliffe with a provocative smile: “It makes
me so happy to think that the two beings whom I love most
on earth may also grow to love each other....”
She vanished. And Cliffe murmured: “And she doesn’t
care a snap of the fingers for either of us.”
“No. More than anyone else I’ve met, Antonia is absolutely
sufficient unto herself.”
“Yet one can’t leave her alone. She’s always the indifferent
centre of a swarm of nibblers. What’s the attraction, I
wonder.”
“Have you ever caressed a crystal or a lump of jade,
or an ornament in soapstone, something with a surface
perfectly smooth and cool—something hard and cut and
clear, without fuss or anything except its own polish and
beauty? ... that’s the beauty of Antonia, and her fascination.”
“An exquisite statuette in green bronze, standing high up
on the mantelpiece. Psyche with the lamp.”
“Artemis. Psyche is too human—too curious.”
“More in your line—eh?”
Deb shook her head. And on pretext of needing to do her
hair afresh for supper, she followed Antonia into the house.
She required to snatch some general information from Antonia
about this long, thin beaky-nosed Cliffe Kennedy, with the
sunny, forget-me-not blue eyes, and outrageously nimble tongue,
before she presented him with the confidences for which he
was angling. As she emerged from the garden passage into
the hall, she heard Antonia speaking in that peculiarly distinct
voice one reserves for the telephone: “No, I want Gillian—Oh,
isn’t she?—Well, listen, Winny—Say I simply must go
out to-night. I muddled the days—I expect her to-morrow
night instead....”
Deb walked slowly through the hall and up the stairs. She
was puzzled....
Antonia had not seen her. A moment later she came into
the bedroom.
“Oh, was Cliffe too much for you?”
“You said you would tell me about him.”
“Certainly,” said Antonia obligingly, sitting on the edge of
the bed and clasping her hands round her knees. “He’s a
rich subject—Cliffe Kennedy, aged twenty-nine—only son of
a perfectly sweet old mother. He’s a completely harmless-uncle
type, from the sex point of view; and also the most
dangerous and mischievous person that ever walked this earth,
because he attracts all confidences and secrets, and then betrays
them lavishly as the freakish impulse takes him.”
“But forewarned——”
“Is not forearmed—with Cliffe. He has a magnetic and
fatal lure, that draws and draws you.... You seek comfort
each time by an instinctive self-assurance that just this once
and only this once Cliffe is to be trusted; and when he is
relating one of his best impromptus, your instinct equally
assures you that just this once and only this once Cliffe is
telling the truth. Yes, you needn’t flush quite so hotly, Deb;
which one was it you believed? The episode which cured him
of lying? Why, he lies by mechanism. He keeps a sort of
stock-pot, into which he throws the bare bones of every dramatic
incident which takes his fancy, and fishes it up again meated
with personal application. He’s everybody’s best friend and
everybody’s worst enemy in succession, and gyrates from one
extreme to the other so quickly that you may be unburdening
your inmost heart to him under an entirely false impression
that you are still on the friendly category. There’s the gong,
Deb. Any more questions, before the Court rises?”
“Why isn’t your best boy in khaki?” laughed Deb.
“He has been medically rejected. That bit of information
happened to be correct. It’s those dotted fragments of truth
which make the whole so perilous. It can’t be altogether
discarded.”
“And has he really only a year to live? Oh,
Antonia——”
“Bless your tears of sympathy, little girl. Cliffe will
probably be a hale old man of eighty. Come along....”
Mrs Verity detained Deb after supper on some pretext,
while Cliffe and Antonia returned to the studio. In any
normal mother, this piece of manœuvring could easily be
interpreted as a wish to further a favourable “match” for
Antonia; and Mrs Verity’s intentions were similar and yet
startlingly dissimilar; she was benignly hopeful that a free
union with that charming Mr Kennedy would be that step in
the wrong direction, which she so earnestly desired for Antonia’s
good.
“Antonia is the sweetest of companions, and also deserves
my supreme respect as an artist,” she told Deb. “But sometimes,
Miss Marcus, and oh, I trust indeed that I may be mistaken,
sometimes she strikes me as being just a trifle narrow-minded.
She seems too content to accept those illogical
conventions which have been fetishes since countless years.
It would grieve me inexpressibly if Antonia should miss some
of the Fullness of life. Do you not agree with me, Miss Marcus,
and pray, if you do not agree, do not hesitate to contradict me—do
not hesitate to call me unreasonable, but do you not
think”—mittened hands fervently clasped in her lap—“that
it is Antonia’s duty to the Age to be a little more abandoned
in her conduct?”
If one could judge by Kennedy’s conversation during the
rest of the evening, Antonia’s friends at least were certainly
not to be complained of in that respect. Cliffe slaughtered
their presumable confidences with as little ruth as a butcher
slaughters lambs, and then disported himself merrily among
the mangled heaps. A certain Theo Pandos, after completely
maiming the glorious genius of Gillian Sherwood, was flirting
shamefully with “Winifred,” who, it seemed, was found in
dire need by Gillian on her doorstep, and taken in and clothed
and fed. “And I tell you, Antonia, and this is Gospel truth,
that sticky, white-slug girl has done the doorstep trick before....
Blair Stevenson knows a man who swears for a fact he
met her at Tom Maryon’s, the dramatist, three years ago,
under the very same conditions. He made Blair take his oath
never to breathe one word about it, for fear of making mischief.
One doorstep?—she’s lain on twenty-seven doorsteps.”
From “Winifred,” Cliffe went on to “Zoe” and “Blair,”
and was equally startling in his revelations. There was nothing
of vindictive or paltry gossip in Cliffe’s stupendous onslaughts
upon the truth. He committed mortality on lines that waxed
from merely generous to colossal, breath-taking. He flung
about reputations and caught them, as deftly as a juggler his
plates; or dropped them with magnificent disregard of the
smash. Treachery was here conducted on as opulent a scale
of grandeur as falsehood. Coincidence was blown out to a
lusty, full-bellied creature triumphant over those meagre,
lean-throated sisters of accuracy and consistency. No human
being could have survived one day of life under such a stress
of superlative achievement, such haphazard of occurrence,
such complicated interplay of motives, actions, and reactions.
Antonia did not interrupt Mr Cliffe Kennedy’s entertainment.
It was a very fine one-man performance, and lasted
until eleven o’clock. Then he relapsed into moody depression,
and said he would go mad unless he could be solitary ...
but would kindly see Deb home first, if she promised not to
talk.
And he hovered a moment on tip-toe, taller even than nature
had made him, looking down at Antonia with a wry smile;
where she lay dreamily back in her chair, with hands clasped
behind the beautiful, delicate shape of her head. Then he
bent, and took that head between his long, thin, brown fingers,
as though she were a holy saint, and reverently touched her
forehead with his lips, and put her from him, and swung out
of the studio.
Deb understood that it was a kiss of renunciation. And
that his passion for Antonia was very real and very hopeless....
Did Antonia know of it?
Antonia telephoned early the next morning to make amused
enquiry how much of her inmost soul Deb had been lured to
commit to Kennedy’s precarious keeping during the homeward
walk.
Deb faltered an evasive reply, ashamed to confess that she
had inexplicably delivered up to this persuasive highwayman
of secrets the complete comedy and tragedy of the Chorus.
“Did he say anything about me?” Antonia questioned her
further.
Again Deb faltered an evasive reply ... whilst in her ears
rang a guilty echo of Cliffe’s peroration to the bizarre history
of Charlotte Verity’s bold infatuation for a now defunct Arctic
explorer who was Cliffe’s own father (“twenty-nine years ago.
And all this time neither she nor I have dared to tell Antonia
that she’s my own half-sister and a child of love.”...)
“No, nothing, Antonia.”
“What did he talk about, then? Well—whom did he talk
about?”
“His m-mother.”
“Deb, I can positively hear you squirming. Own up.
Why are you shielding him?”
“I’m not,” protested Deb unhappily.
Antonia let her off. “What are you doing to-day?”
“I think I’ll go to Hampstead and ask myself to tea with
the Rothenburgs—the Redburys, I mean. Nell was the kiddy
I introduced to you last week; you liked her, didn’t
you?”
“Yes—I’ve just rung her up to invite her to the show of
etchings at the Leicester Galleries.”
“Never mind. I can see her another time.”
“Sure you don’t mind?”
“Not a bit. Any message for La llorraine? I’ll pay them
a visit this afternoon, instead of the Redburys.”
“Will you? Then I shall probably come on there after
the show—if you don’t object.”
“Why should I object? I’m very happy in your
company.”
“I accept your act of homage,” serenely.
“’Tisn’t anything of the sort,” Deb repudiated the suggestion
with extreme indignation.
“Very well, dear. Ask your Aunt Stella if she’ll lunch with
me to-morrow.”
“Me too?”
“The perfect hostess never mixes her generations.”
“That’s an excuse not to give me lunch.”
“You may come to supper the day after, if you bring your
brother, as you once promised.”
“And my grandfather?”
“The old Hun? Certainly. I prefer him to the oh-so-English
Mr Otto Redbury, anyway.”
“Does the oh-so-English Herr Otto Rothenburg go and sit
in the bathroom and sulk when you are there? because it
honours you too highly if he appears, and you might get conceited
about it.”
“On the contrary, he entertains me with his most irreproachable
Jingo sentiments—rather loudly, in case a policeman is
posted outside the door.”
“An old lady has been posted outside this door for a good
twenty minutes, waiting to wash her hands. Shall I let her
in?”
“I don’t quite follow.”
“The ’phone and the wash-basin live together at Montague
Hall. Good-bye, Antonia—do you like me?”
“Moderately. Good-bye, child.”
CHAPTER II — I — II — III
The Redburys were at Saturday dinner. Their numbers
indicated a party, but in reality no one but the intimate family
was present. Mr and Mrs Redbury, their sons Hardy and
David; Hardy’s wife Beatrice, and her brother Sampson
Phillips; the two daughters of the house, Hedda and Nell;
and Miss Swinley, the strictly English governess. Four
members were missing from the company: Con, the eldest
Redbury, since several months at the Front; Wilhelmina, the
infant child of Hardy and Beatrice, who had annoyed her
grandfather and been banished to the nursery; Hedda’s
husband, Gustav Fürth, interned in England for being a
German; and Max, the boy who came between Hardy and
David, interned in Germany for being an Englishman.
The international situation round the table was one of
extremest delicacy. Otto Rothenburg had settled in England
for business purposes, and was naturalized directly after his
marriage with Trudchen Wagner. But he made no secret of
his dislike of the English, and his contempt of the semi-English;
and had always petulantly insisted that his household should
be conducted on sound and hearty Teuton principles, of which
the main points were a diet of rich sufficiency for the elders,
and no nonsense and no discrimination for the tribe of children.
Though the quantity of these—six alive and two dead—indicated
that he did not confine his German ideas wholly to
the table. Each of the six played a chosen musical instrument—chosen
by Herr Rothenburg himself, be it remarked. The
two girls had frequently been burdened by plaid frocks;
German was the language spoken as a matter of course at
meals; filial obedience and the good-night kiss were
insisted upon; and there was a frequent coming and going of
relatives scattered over Germany and Austria, with large
gay packets of gingerbread tied up in silver paper; or of
polite unknowns bearing letters of introduction from the
Rothenburg relatives abroad; and very eager to be invited to
a meal.
When Hedvig, at eighteen, was wedded to a German, her
father was delighted. Hedvig herself had never been consulted
on the match. When Gerhardt, at twenty-four, had
displayed unexpected initiative and engaged himself to Beatrice
Phillips, Rothenburg fretted and objected and sulked, and
locked himself in the bathroom, and came out again when it
was least desirable that he should do so; and during a full
six months rendered the lives of all about him wholly unbearable.
He was finally only reconciled to the bride’s English
birth and parentage by her large settlements. Max, two years
younger than Gerhardt, was, however, immediately despatched
out of danger to his Uncle Karl in Hanover, there to learn
the business and eventually to marry his Uncle Karl’s daughter
Klara. Konrad’s enthusiasm for territorial drill—well, with
a stretch of the imagination, that could be ascribed to his
German blood revealing itself in a wistful passion for the obligatory
military service which could never be his; therefore,
Konrad, who of all the brood was his mother’s darling, was
grudgingly permitted to remain in London and read for the
Bar. David, sent to a day-school, was destined later for
Heidelberg University, as a corrective to any ultra-English
notions which St Crispin’s may have put into his head.
And then had occurred this most inconvenient war.
Herr Otto Rothenburg did not wait to be subtle about his
change of front. Immediately he scuttled for cover. He
became in name, in sentiment and in habit what he already
was by law—a fine old English gentleman. His household
was revolutionized; he turned livid at the sound of a single
German word spoken; he clung to such English acquaintances
as were his, with a limpet-like fervour of affection which no
coldness could disconcert. He forbade all communication
with relatives abroad; and all mention of them. In short,
Mr Otto Redbury was afraid. To their mother’s utter bewilderment,
Hedvig, Lenchen, Konrad and Gerhardt were metamorphosed
to Hedda, Nell, Con and Hardy. His fever reached
its zenith when Gustav Fürth, an unnaturalized German of
military age, was arrested and interned. And his daughter
Hedda, penniless and unprotected, but in the highest spirits,
returned to the parental roof, with the obvious and natural
intention of remaining where she was for the duration of the
war. Once supremely her father’s good girl, Hedda was not
at all popular in this crisis. It was difficult airily to disavow
all enemy connection, with concerned enquiries emanating
from all quarters as to Fürth’s whereabouts and treatment.
Supposing, too, that when she came to the house, Beatrice
should be offended at Hedda’s presence there ... Beatrice,
that never-to-be-sufficiently appreciated link with solid British
stock!
Beyond a little astonished realization at finding herself
encircled by alien enemies—her attitude conveyed that she
had never noticed before that the Rothenburgs were German—Beatrice
had a nature too well-bred and womanly—gentle-womanly,
David was wont to call it—to have expressed as
yet any sort of resentment. She was very nice and tactful to
Hedda about “poor Gustav.” It was a miracle that Hardy
could have been sensible and far-seeing enough as to have
married so successfully. Mr Redbury propitiated her with a
determination and unction that—again to quote David—“fair
gives one the sicks.” But then Mr Redbury was desperately
afraid.
“Bodadoes, Beatty, mein Schatz?” enquired Mrs Redbury,
dumpy and apple-cheeked and very harrassed by her husband’s
perpetual amendment of her accent, and by the awful trinity
of Briton’s representatives present in the dining-room.
And Beatrice blushed faintly and glanced apologetically at
her brother Samson, who looked as wooden as though a toast
of the King had just been proposed. Miss Swinley coughed, a
delicate and pensive cough; something had annoyed Miss
Swinley that morning, and she was ripe for revenge.
“I met a vellow in de Zity dis morning,” said Mr Redbury,
glaring at his wife, “who vould by no means pelieve dat I vos
bartly a voreigner. ‘Vot—you?—go on! all dese years I
dake you for a bure-plooded Priton!’ He roared with laughter
ven I told him my selige father was porn in Amsterdam. He
vouldn’t pelieve me. ‘Your vife,’ he said, ‘she speaks wiz a
slight aggsent. But you are von of us, Redbury, old man.’
He vouldn’t pelieve me——” himself roaring with laughter,
but still glaring at Trudchen.
“And when I told him how beautiful you were,” sang Hedda—David
kicked her to shut up. He could not bear it when
the old man made an ass of himself.
“He wouldn’t believe me ...” Hedda chirrupped
irrepressibly. The world bereft of Gustav was so full
of radiant possibilities that she could not refrain from
bursting out. For her, at least, the war was not entirely an
evil thing.
Mr Redbury spoke quite correct English, but his accent was
not so irreproachable as to justify the complete good faith of
the “vellow in the Zity.” And that “selige” had slipped in
by mistake; and would prevent him from being quite so
privately nasty to his wife about “mein Schatz” as he had
anticipated.
A joint appeared on the table simultaneously with the post.
One letter bearing the “opened by Censor” label, black letters
on white pasted across the slit of the envelope, was handed by
the servant to Mrs Redbury.
“Ach Gott! von der liebsten besten Anna!” as a second
letter was revealed under cover of the first.
Mr Redbury hissed out a venomous “Put it away!” which
his wife, fumbling and tearful over this communication from
her beloved elder sister in Berlin, neither heard nor heeded.
Mr Redbury dared not insist, in front of Rhoda, the parlour-maid—not
to mention Beatrice, Samson Phillips and Miss
Swinley. Besides, though his sway might be peevishly unpleasant,
it never exacted the awed obedience yielded to a
true despot. He quivered with horror at the present predicament,
as it dawned upon him that his wife intended to read
aloud the letter from Germany, in little bursts and snatches
of joy. David was encouraging her by eager questions—that
boy had no sense whatever. Mr Redbury began to talk very
loud and fast.
“It makes me broud to see all the ghagi round my table”—he
looked unutterable compliments at Samson Phillips’
captain’s uniform, then possessively at Hardy, who was short-sighted
and had only been admitted to Home Service; and at
David, a public-school cadet. “If only Con vere here, to
gomblete our number; did I tell you, Captain Villips, zat my
eldest boy has been mentioned in disbatches for botting four
Huns wiz his own rifle?”
“Glad to hear Con has a sense of property!” muttered
David.
“Ei, die Arme!” cried Mrs Redbury, weeping. “Franz
has been shot. You remember little Franz, Otto? Ach
verzeihen Sie—forgive me, Captain Villips. Such a dear little
boy, my sister’s youngest. He stayed with us for a whole year,
and learnt his lessons wiz Nell.”
Vindictively Mr Redbury carved all the gristle for Hedda,
who had a German husband. It was a vent to his feelings.
He showed a nice discrimination in reserving the juiciest bits
for Beatrice; Miss Swinley, he judged correctly, was past all
such caressing treatment; one could safely anticipate her
month’s notice the very next morning. Not that she was
really necessary any longer to superintend Nell’s studies.
Nell was seventeen, and in the ordinary course of events, would
have been “out” next year. But Miss Swinley would spread
a report that her principles would not permit her to remain
in a household so pronouncedly pro-German.... To Mr
Redbury’s jaundiced fancy, the tread of the policeman
sounded nearer. And he was never far away—that mythical
policeman.
“Oh, Mother, is there anything about Max?” asked Nell,
her dark liquid eyes wistful with anxiety for her favourite
brother.
Mrs Redbury fluttered the thin foreign pages, crossed with
pointed scribble. “But yes—Max is well as can be hoped,
and his Uncle Karl makes enquiries that he is gomfortable.
That good Karl! And—ach, unglaublich!—his own nephew,
Otto Salinger, is in a gonfinement camp over here, and Karl
asks if we, in return, vill find him out and be nice to him?
But yes, indeed; perhaps ze poor young man vould like some
of my Dampfnudeln; he vill surely be homesick. Otto, do
you hear?”
Miss Swinley repeated her pensive cough. And Mr Redbury,
wrathfully ignoring the question of his unfortunate namesake,
addressed himself again to Captain Phillips.
“Ven do you think we shall knock them out definitely?”
His loud tones drowning Trudchen’s agitated twitter. “I
have had a tip to lay in yards and yards and yards of punting.”
Samson Phillips’ handsome, heavy features expressed
bewilderment.
“Punting?”
“Rather overdone the bunting to-day, haven’t you, father?”
David suggested impertinently. It was flag-day for one of the
minor Balkan states, and Mr Redbury wore his expensive
trophies duplicated and tripled, with the air of a General
bespattered with honourable medals.
Mr Redbury told an anecdote of the titled lady who had
decorated him. And then Beatrice asked:
“Do you really think we shall win the war so soon? It’s
almost too good to be true, isn’t it?” her pleasant, well-bred
English voice was a relief after so much duologue from her
parents-in-law. “But I don’t think it’s very nice of the
Germans to use liquid fire, do you?”
Hardy beamed at her fondly through his glasses. “Not
very nice of them, no. Not drawing-room manners, is it,
darling?” He was a man of quaint appearance, a startlingly
fair replica of Nell and David, who had the dark melancholy
eyes, aquiline cast of feature, and sensitive lips that stamped
them true Hebrew. But Hardy, with his light eyes, light
hair, light skin, and enormous nose, gave somewhat the impression
of a Jew who had been well bleached. Hedda’s
colouring lay between the two extremes. Con enjoyed the
good looks of the family; blue eyes always afire with mirth;
tall, athletic figure; incarnate good-nature and high spirits,
he was adored by his men, and well-liked by his superior
officers. As for his mother—not Max nor Hardy nor David,
nor Hedda nor Nell, could in sum equal her love for this miracle
of an eldest-born, now in the trenches.
“Are you laughing at me?” Beatrice remained quite serene.
“Yes, please; I will have some cream.”
“Die Anna writes zat zere is only a wee-little milk for
each child in Berlin; not enough to keep zem alive, she
say.”
“Let zem die!” cried Mr Redbury, with a ferocity that was
really foreign to his nature—only he was afraid. “All the
better. Let zem all die. Zey only grow up to be Cherman
soldiers fighting against humanity.”
Nell flashed out: “Oh, father, how can you?—little soft
babies——” and suddenly plunged back into silence, marvelling
at her own temerity.
David as usual supported her in rebellion. “Not all
German babies grow up to be German soldiers. Some
grow up to be English soldiers” ... his ironic downward
glance at his own uniform emphasized the remark.
“If Con were here, young ’un, he’d lick you for that,” and
Hardy sent a message of strong disapproval over his glasses
at his cadet brother.
“Con’s different. However keen he may be on his regiment
and England and all that, he never talks fatuous drivel about
wanting all the German babies to die.”
“Vatuous trivel ...” shouted Mr Redbury.
“Dear me,” murmured Miss Swinley.
“I’m sure David doesn’t mean to be rude, father,” Beatrice
put in mildly. “We none of us want babies to die, but of
course it’s nicer if it isn’t English babies.”
David laughed. And his father ordered him from the table.
Nell immediately slipped from her seat and joined him at the
door.
“Ach Lenchen!” sobbed Mrs Redbury. “And you haf
not touched the pie on your blate!”
“Gom back!” roared Mr Redbury. For there was always
a possibility that she might find favour in the eyes of Samson
Phillips. He had noticed with pleasure that a secret understanding
seemed to exist between them; frequently they
whispered together.... “My son-in-law a Captain in ze
Zappers!”... Another link with safety. One might almost
defy the policeman then.
The parlour-maid accosted David at the foot of the stairs.
“Young Mr Marcus is in the schoolroom, sir. He said he
would wait for you there.”
“Oh—thanks, Rhoda.”
“Hullo, Marcus. Not end of the term yet, is it? Scarlet
fever again?”
“No. I’ve chucked Winborough.” Richard was lounging on
the shabby fender-seat, drumming with one heel against the side
of the fireplace. He was not looking well; dark marks under
his eyes and a rather drawn expression round the mouth caused
David, who was observant, to scrutinize him with some attention.
He was rather surprised at this visit. On the whole
Richard was not wont to seek out his society with overmuch
enthusiasm. Richard’s friends were mostly sturdy athletes of
the Greville Dunne order, who summed up David as “sloppy”
because he played the cello, and hated games.
“Chucked Winborough? That’s pretty casual. What does
your guv’nor say?”
“Said I could do as I liked about it.”
“Good Lord! mine would bellow the house down. He’s
just slung me out of the dining-room over some nonsense about
German and English babies.”
David threw himself disconsolately in the battered old
armchair. The other boy glanced up with sudden interest.
“What’s your family’s attitude towards the war?”
“We’re all at sixes and sevens. Father’s more English
than the English; and mother sits and worries in alternate
layers over Con and her own people in Germany. Does not
mention them, of course. Hardy is a genuine patriot, I believe,
without making much row about it. Of course being married
to Beatrice has influenced him. We hang the fact of Beatrice
out in the front garden like the clean washing.... Sickening.
And all the while there’s Max interned over there—and Gustave
interned over here—also unmentionable ... not that Hedda
minds much. But father.... You should see his face when
visitors enquire after ‘poor Mr Fürth’—and they do it as if
they were treading on egg-shells. The etiquette of internment
is as yet very precarious. One isn’t at all sure if Gustave is
to be exalted as a martyr or mysteriously hushed up as though
he were a convict—I say, what’s the matter?”
“Nothing. I’m in for it too, that’s all.”
“Internment? You, Marcus? I—I’m sorry. I’d no
idea....”
“All right. You needn’t do the egg-shell trick. I was
born in Germany, and father didn’t have me naturalized,
that’s all.”
David was silent a moment, thoughtfully staring at his
boots. “Has he appealed?”
“Yes. No good. The Government has condoned too many
cases, and the Anti-German section are beginning to protest.
So they’ve had to tighten up again. We’ve got a let-off from
deportation for grandfather and Aunt Stella. Can’t expect
more, with all these spy cases about.”
He went on in a very matter-of-fact voice: “I couldn’t
stick Winborough this term. Just knowing.—It’s absurd—I
was as keen to lick the Germans as ever—but how could I join
in when the fellows jawed about Huns and wiping ’em off the
face of the earth.... I felt crimson inside—beastly—as
though I were there on false pretences. And all the chaps of
my age were preparing to join up next year ... last term I
was still one of them. They couldn’t understand why....
It had to come out at last—the Head knew all along, naturally.
But we were playing the Meltonians in their own field, twelve
miles away—and I had to register and get permission, show my
photograph—all that mush. Like a ticket-of-leave man. The
fellows were awfully decent. They didn’t even cut me.
Harrison, speaking for the majority, went so far as to say
it was rough luck, and they knew I couldn’t help it”—Richard’s
underlip twisted sardonically. “But they weren’t quite sure,
after that, what ought to be said in front of me ... dead
pauses when I strolled up to one group or another.... I
came home at half-term, last Monday, and I’m not going
back.”
“So you’re out of it,” whispered David, still staring as
though fascinated at his boots. “Out of the fighting, and
the need of fighting, and the need to choose ... you lucky
beggar. Oh, you lucky beggar....”
“I realize the fact that I’m out of it, thanks. But I don’t
quite follow your congratulations.”
“It’s that ... I’ve been in Germany, two or three times,
once for six months, and—Oh, Richard, what has happened to
the old Germany, the Germany we knew, to change it so? I
simply can’t realize that they commit atrocities in Belgium and
sink hospital ships and mutilate children, and are bragging and
swaggering and blood-letting all over Europe.... I can only
remember the little things—the silly, comfortable little things....
You follow the stream, and in a clearing in the heart of
the great blue pinewood you come bang on the sturdy old
forest-house, with antlers branching over the wooden doorway,
and the coat-of-arms of some royalty ... perhaps you may
catch a glimpse of him in his green hunting-coat ... tables
with check blue and red cloths, and saucers of wood-strawberries
like tiny drops of blood—do you know the smell and
flavour of wood-strawberries?—and a flaxen peasant child
who watches you with enormous solemn eyes while you eat,
and curtseys by clockwork for hours after you’ve left her....
And all over the country the ridiculous wooden signposts
that say on one arm ‘Zum Biergarten,’ and on the other ‘Zum
Aussichtspunkt,’ and never get tired of it—and you never get
tired of it either. Or of leaning out of your window in the
early morning to hear them play the Chorale, slow and pure
and stately—and the ground is a mist of blue bilberries—and
the Rhine legends jostle each other on your excursion, and you
send off postcards on which everybody signs their names—and
everyone says good-day—and everyone is musical.”
“Good God, how awful,” was Richard’s sotto voce comment
on this list of blisses.
David heard, and said rather impatiently: “You’ve been to
Germany, haven’t you? Can’t you understand what I mean?”
Richard ransacked his memory for a single incident or aspect
of Dorzheim which had found tender home in his heart, and
discovered not one.
“All the little things ...” David murmured again, hands
clasped behind his head, and eyes mournfully brooding on the
past. “Oh, I know I’m a sentimental idiot, but I can’t shake
it all off to command. Not at once.”
“If you feel like that, I don’t honestly see why you need
join up. ’Tisn’t compulsory.”
“I’ve got to ... there’d be such a fuss with father—and
he would never forgive me. Max can’t, and Hardy’s married....
There’s only Con and me. Con—well, you know him—he
rings British wherever you sound him.... I’ve seen
mother look at him as though wondering how he could ever
have happened to be her son. I don’t want Con to despise
me—he’s always been ripping to us younger ones. And then—oh,
just because there’s a doubt about us all, we can’t afford,
as a family, to have a slacker about. If our name had always
been Redbury”—again that melancholy smile and shrug of
the shoulders, so typically Jewish.
“Have you changed it?”
“Dear old man, you didn’t commit the horrible error of
asking our parlour-maid for Mr David Rothenburg?”
“Yes, I did. Sorry. I believe Deb warned me, but I
forgot. Does it matter?”
“She may give notice to-morrow ... we live uncomfortably
on a tight-rope nowadays, and some of us haven’t learnt
how to walk it yet. Poor mother, for instance—she’s always
side-slipping. Rhoda is fairly new, and father deludes himself
that she doesn’t know our guilty secret. I say, you
remember Miss Swinley?” The mischievous school-boy was
uppermost in David now—“and how proud she was of being
descended from the Hereford Swinleys? Well, now it’s got
round to her how someone said publicly that of course she’s
really a German and everybody knows her real name is
Schweinthal!”
Richard threw back his head and filled the room with his
guffaws.
“Schweinthal—Swine-valley ... Swinley! Oh, that’s
top-hole! She was always so jolly full of swank and backbone.
But all the same, Redbury, I’m all at sea with these
swarms of English county people that have magically cropped
up in our set during the last few weeks. No offence meant to
you, but who the deuce are the Lanes and the Silvertons and
the Mounts and the Gordons and the Meadowes?”
“All old familiar faces really. And I can tell you who the
Mounts and the Meadowes are, anyhow ... they’re each
one-half of my cousins, the Wiesenbergs. The elder and
younger branch of the family have long been at daggers drawn,
and they’ve hailed the opportunity to split into two. And the
Mounts know nothing of the Meadowes, nor shall the Meadowes
ever go to meet the Mounts. My other cousin, whose father
changed his name about forty years ago, swears that he’ll
change it back again from Holmes to Hohenheim by way of
protest to all the funk and flurry.”
“Quite a pleasing moment at our boarding-house last week,
when two Scandinavian ladies were introduced to each other
and neither knew the language.”
“But both broke into floods of delighted German? That’s
what happens these days when Swede meets Swede.”
“Aunt Stella says speaking German nowadays is as good
a thrill as the invention of a new sin, and far superior
to secret drinking or smoking or swearing.... You do
it in a dark room, under your breath, looking over your
shoulder.”
“And in public you carefully mispronounce German towns
and Generals, in case it should be suspected that you pronounce
them not wisely but too well. Father’s getting quite a dab
at throwing off his little jokes about the Kayzer. Comic birthplaces
are the fashion as well; two of the Ladenbach girls,
when the question crops up, have been instructed to say they
were born in a wagon-lit; and the boy Julius, on the steps
of the Venezuelan Consulate....”
“Looks as if Frau Ladenbach had dropped ’em about rather
carelessly,” chuckled Richard. He was glad he had come this
afternoon. It was years since he had been at all intimate with
David Rothenburg, and the impulse to seek him out had been
the result of a strange weariness of all his other friends who
could not be taken for granted as understanding, without
elaborate foreword and explanation, all these present chaotic
conditions of Germans and semi-Germans....
“Come out,” David suggested. “It’s stuffy in here, and
I want to take a parcel of books round to—to some people
quite near.... You can help me carry ’em.”
In the hall Nell and Samson Phillips were talking in an
earnest whisper. Nell wore heavy golden furs flopping over
her thick brown outdoor coat, and a wide-brimmed golden hat.
She was a very decorative figure in all shades from sallow
through ivory to rich umber; her thick skin, the cream-dusky
colour of honeysuckle, could certainly never flush to any shade
of pink; only when she was moved, her eyes glowed deeper.
They glowed now, at the sight of the two boys descending the
staircase.
“Oh, Richard, where is Deb this afternoon? She said
something about coming here?”
“Did she? I believe she’s gone to that Russian singing
woman, La llorraine. Anyway, you’re going out, aren’t
you?”
“Yes. Oh yes. Antonia Verity has invited me to a picture-show.
I’m waiting for her to call for me. But I thought if
Deb came ... but it doesn’t matter——” She glanced
swiftly corner-wise at Samson Phillips, and her look said
plainly “I’m sorry.”... Then Mr Redbury came out of the
smoking-room into the hall.
“Vell, yong beople”—he beamed approval on Nell and
Phillips—“I like to see yong beople enchoying zemselves
togezzer. How is your fazer, Marcus? Vun doesn’t see
much of him lately.” But he quickly changed the subject,
for Ferdinand Marcus was hardly more English than Mr Otto
Redbury himself, and therefore at present socially useless as
an asset. “Ven are you going to put on ghagi, hein? You’re
ze same age as David, aren’t you?”
“Nearly,” said Richard.
“David vos so keen—ah, vell, we can’t all be as keen....
Vish I vos a poy, and could choin up. Hey, Phillips, vill you
take me as a regruit in your rechiment? Vere are you two off
to, Nell?”
“Pictures, father.”
“To ze bictures? Good. Enchoy yourselves. Look vell
after her, Phillips. She’s my only girl left, you see.”
“Your eldest daughter is living with you for the present,
isn’t she, Mr Redbury?” enquired the hoped-for son-in-law.
The prospectively bereaved father did not look grateful for
the proffered consolation of Hedda. “Run away to ze bictures,
yong beople,” and prepared to re-enter the smoking-room.
“Pictures, father, not the pictures,” Nell, explained, speaking
as she always did, like a shy but rapid cascade, perpetually
dammed. “Miss Verity has invited me—she is fetching me.
Not——” She dared not let him continue in the belief that
she was to be escorted by Samson.
“Two girls vun vay and two boys anuzzer, and leave an old
fogey like me to entertain the Gaptain? No, no, that’s a
foolish arranchment. Vait for your friend, Nell, and all go to
the bictures togezzer.”
“Pictures, father. Not the pictures. And I’m not sure if
Antonia——”
“All be cholly togezzer,” her father commanded her, peevish
at her second attempt at protest.
“Gom in veneffer you get leave, Phillips. Always velcome.
Good-pye, yong Marcus. I hope to see you in ghaki next
time;” and went into the smoking-room, irascibly slamming
the door after him.
“I’m hanged if I’ll be convivial to order,” said David.
“’Bye, Nell!” he nodded carelessly to Phillips. “Come along,
Marcus.” On the steps they passed Antonia Verity on her
way to fetch Nell.
“Are you waiting for me, Nell? good child!” She rested
her calm lingering regard on Samson Phillips, who, stolidly
planted against the umbrella-stand, did not budge.
Nell wished she could run away, wished she were dead;
anything to be drastically removed from this awful predicament
between two people who did not know each other, of one of
whom she was still deadly shy, the other commanded by her
father to be their escort.... What was she to do? How
long could they all stand like this glaring at one another? The
simple expedient of introducing Samson to Antonia never
occurred to Nell, who was very childish for her seventeen
years. She just stood with interlocked fingers, suffering....
“Perhaps if we wait long enough, Captain Phillips will go
away.... Is that how things, dreadful things, come to an
end?”
“Wonder he didn’t give me a white feather?” growled
Richard, as they walked up the street.
David’s eyes were blazing in his thin brown face.
“Hanging on to anything, anybody, English: Beatrice—Con
at the Front ... old Con.—And now he wants Samson
Phillips; wants to shove Nell into the fellow’s arms.... It’s
so cursedly undignified, this crawling round the feet of a country
that stands about with folded arms, not wanting you.”
Richard was about to agree, when a peculiar thing happened
to him. He was made aware of the Soul of Otto Redbury....
He saw it very clearly, small twitching pink nose of a rabbit—not
at all unlike the Soul of Gottlieb Schnabel, the little baker.
Alongside of these two, his own soul was an instant laid, then
snatched away again ... queer company for the soul of
Richard Marcus; he found Redbury objectionable, and despised
Schnabel, but—he understood. Funny that David, who was
supposed to be an imaginative womanish creature, thrilling
quickly to response, a nature artistic and intuitive and all that
sort of thing, should reveal himself in certain cases so hard and
blunt.
Richard said slowly: “It’s such a beastly position for all
of them—all of us,” he amended; but it still seemed a grotesque
nightmare that he should be one of the band whom he was
unwillingly compelled to understand and defend.
“It’s all very well to be down on your pater, Redbury, and
of course one rags about the change of names, and Swiss waiters
and so on—but it’s so utterly unnatural to have no country
when your country is the one thing in all the world that matters.
As good patriots as any are drifting about loose with nowhere
to dump their load of patriotism. Oh, I know the stock argument—they
should have stuck to the place where they were
born. Well, a few thousands, a few tens of thousands haven’t
done so; it’s no good pretending that it was as important
before nineteen-fourteen as now.”
“I suppose the English didn’t overflow and get stranded on
No Man’s Land in such numbers, because they could always
colonize,” David conjectured.
“And now this war; we scramble for cover. And the safe
people who have settled for generations in one place, of one
country, of unmixed blood, laugh at us for scuttling. Do they
ever think how easy it is—no merit, but, God! how easy, to
be born in England, wholly English, when they say of the half
and half brigade: ‘Let ’em get back to their own country—we
don’t want ’em!’? But they might have said that before
1914, to have given them a chance to get back. They can’t
get back now. Their own so-called country doesn’t want ’em
either.... Won’t have them; calls them renegades, who
have severed all ties, all obligations. And there they are,
absolutely helpless between the two. Belonging to both—no—belonging
to neither. Can claim protection from neither.
They’re frightened, I tell you, David. All this frantic jabber
of the Hidden Hand—why, there have been practically no
cases where the naturalized German has been proved guilty
of plotting against England in the interests of the Hun. One
or two, perhaps, among thousands. But rejected by Germany,
rejected by England, dashed from one to the other—how can
they help all those little acts that revolt you as being ridiculous
or—what do you call it? undignified—ostentatiously planking
down their names on subscription lists, kow-towing to the
English servants, change of name, and pretending to be Dutch,
and pitiful swanking of their English friends; even grabbing
at Samson Phillips to get him in the family at all costs.—All
that isn’t treachery, but ordinary childish human funk.”
“Why, at the worst, what can be done to them?”
“Nothing very bad. Nothing at all compared with what
the men at the Front have to go through; think I don’t know
that?” Richard questioned fiercely. “And yet they wouldn’t
be funking if they belonged to a country, and had a united cause
to fight for. It’s not being able to shout with the rest. It’s
the bitter desolation, nowadays, of fighting for one’s own
hand....”
He became aware of David’s slow quizzical smile.
“The miracle of the Sleeping Beauty awakened,” he commented
softly. “If nothing else, the Great War has at least
done this for one Richard Marcus. Rather a drastic kiss, but
astoundingly effective.”
“Shut up!” Richard kicked at a stone in the roadway.
Head bent, hands clenched in his pockets—as if he wanted
to think. As if he welcomed this disconcerting upheaval of
his imagination ... to be able to understand Otto Redbury—what
next? To stick up for a lot of rotten Germans—Marcus
of Winborough, champion half-back of the footer team—Greville
Dunne’s pal—average at his work, but a decent
ordinary all-round fellow, and no end keen on a commission
in the R.F.C. Never again, for him. Never again. Something
had happened.... Richard walked along savagely
mourning for the self that had once fitted him so easily....
Never again!
David noticed his dejection—and amusement softened into
something resembling tenderness for this strong bull-necked
fellow, helpless in the grip of his first individual problem. It
must have been a bad shock so to have galvanized him from
matter-of-course unthinking acceptance of a scheme of life
which had been hitherto fair enough and good enough ...
tread of many feet all marching in the same direction ... and
now—No Man’s Land.
There was little for David himself to learn about the by-ways
and customs of this nebulous territory—from his earliest
childhood he had wandered there. And he realized that it was
not to the habitual thinkers that the war and what it involved
had made such a shattering difference—but to those who had
never thought before.... Poor old Richard ... all those
tumbled we’s and they’s of his utterance ... he hardly knew
yet where he belonged—too doggedly proud to include himself
with the nation who did not want him—yet jibbing at classification
with the despised alien enemy. Poor old Richard, it
was rather a shame.
“At any rate, we’re both in the same boat,” David exclaimed,
carried away by a quick impulse to solace. Immediately
his companion, in a manner of speaking, toppled him out
of the boat.
“No, we’re not. You’re born over here. You’re all right.
You’d be English if you weren’t a pro-German.”
“Damn it! I’m not a pro-German. I’m a Jew.”
“What the——” Richard in his astonishment stopped
dead on the pavement.
“Well?”
“What has being a Jew got to do with it? It’s a question
of nationality, not religion.”
“The Jews are a nation. If it were only a theological
difference, why should that have affected such a very marked
distinction of feature and temperament? Going to Synagogue
instead of to Church doesn’t alter the curve of a nose. Of
course we’re a nation apart, apart and scattered—but racially
the most united in the world. And that’s another of my
private reasons for wearing khaki—because the English have
been good to the Jews, have given them sanctuary and treated
them as equals. They have a claim on our services. While
Germany has always behaved like a swine to Judea.... I’m
not a pro-German, Marcus, but there’s a kinship between
English Jews and German Jews and Russian Jews and Italian
and American and Polish and Roumanian and Austrian Jews,
that no war ever waged can entirely destroy. I don’t want to
see a Jew hurt—and, oh God! I don’t want to hurt another
Jew. We’re a race of artists and financiers and wanderers—not
of fighters.”
“I don’t know about that. Jehovah was a God of din and
battle, wasn’t He? I’m a bit foggy about the Old Testament,
but I seem to remember that they were always at it, hammer
and tongs. And pater says that Jews are ardent patriots by
temperament.”
“Yes—with nowhere to put it. All countries, and no
countries, and the countries from which we’ve been driven,
and the countries where we hope to go back.... I’m sorry
we can’t change over, you and I, Richard. The feeling of persecution
isn’t new to me.... I’ve got the sense of it in my
very bones.... I’ve been hounded with my ancestors from
the East through Russia ... through Central Europe....”
“Good Lord,” Richard broke in; “I believe you enjoy
feeling like that.”
And David laughed: “I believe I do. It’s our heritage—this
succulent style of melancholy, like seaweed swelling richly
under water, compared with which all other sorrow is like seaweed,
hard and stale and crackly, on the dry sand.”
“Can’t say that either is my style. I just get damned sick
about things. I’m damned sick at not being able to join up
in the Flying Corps.”
“You’re only a semi-Jew, Marcus, in spite of the rich promise
of your face.”
“I am only a semi-Jew; my mother was a Christian. And
what’s wrong with my face?” Richard demanded truculently.
“I say—where are you taking me?” as David swerved into
a narrow street of tall dingy-looking buildings.
“It’s all right. I just want to bring them these books.”
He ran up some steps of a house with the “To Let” board
forlornly plastering the windows; and as the bell dangled broken
from its socket, and no knocker was in evidence, banged with
his fist on the panels of the front door.
“Rum,” thought Richard.
A tall, heavy-featured girl opened the door, and in silence
led them to an unfurnished room littered with books and packing-cases
and piles of tinned food. A babble of tongues struck
harshly upon the ear.... For a second’s space of time Richard
was walking up the wide twilit streets of Dorzheim—a dado
of pines lowering blackly on the horizon—crowds brushing
past, chattering—noisy guttural chatter from the pavements
and cafés.... “You will see how many take off their hats
to me....”
“This is my pal,” Redbury explained carelessly to the room
at large. “He’s one of us——”
All Richard’s being uprose in a growl of contradiction.
“One of us?” Why, these people were Germans—talking
German, the whole gang of them—about eight or nine....
If he had been a tom-cat, he would have stiffened his fur and
spat. As it was, he responded churlishly to salutations, and
retired to a window-seat in the corner, from there to watch
from beneath humped eyebrows the mysterious proceedings
of these friends of David.
The atmosphere oppressed him with memory of all the
rumours circulated about German spies ... German Secret
Service.... England honeycombed with treachery....
What were they doing, in this empty house, talking German
with the passionate zest of tongues let loose from hours of
irksome restraint?... What was in those tins and cases?...
How had they got hold of the German newspapers and
pamphlets lying about?... One of the group was reading
aloud a German letter now, and all listened tensely, some still
kneeling on the dusty boards with their arms full of books—all
except David and the heavy-looking girl and a boy with a flowing
tie and thick lips and incredibly close shaven head, who were
engrossed in some private discussion.... The girl produced
a pile of music and their heads bent closer over the score.
Confounded insolence this, in the very heart of London!
Richard’s mood wavered from indignation to a queer sort of
panic at being thus associated. He wondered if he ought to
give information? No, he could hardly do that, brought here
in all good faith by David. But even supposing that these
people were bent on no actual harm—and commonsense
asserted that they were merely packing hampers for the German
prisoners, and at the same time enjoying a little licence of their
native speech—even then, how dared David suppose that he
was “One of us” among these—these Huns. Not a fibre of
kinship in him stretched to meet them. He was as utterly
an alien here as....
As he had been at Winborough, this last term.
A sudden ache asserted itself for Greville Dunne’s grey eyes
looking straight from under the rim of his midshipman’s cap;
for Greville’s English voice, and divine lack of understanding
for all things save what was usual and fitting a young Britisher
of eighteen should understand; ache for Mrs Dunne and for
the Dunnes’ cottage home in Kent—for Molly’s tom-boy
exuberance, and young Frank dashing into the chintz sitting-room
with his toboggan.
Only of course they would be blank to the badgering perplexities
which David Rothenburg——
In an effort to escape from the linked chain of thought,
Richard took up a journal lying on the ground near his feet.
It was a month-old copy of the Tageblatt. In little separate
squares outlined in black were the names of those who had
fallen in action: “Thomas Spalding—Gefallen, 14ten Juni
1915.”... What was this palpable English name doing
among the list of German officers? Thomas Spalding?
Richard speculated idly on the anomaly, till fancy quickened
to realization that this Thomas Spalding was his own equivalent
on the other side—over there a boy of English parentage brought
up in Germany, enlisted in the German army, with his sympathies
... where? Over here, Richard Marcus, of German
parentage, brought up in England—Ah well, Thomas Spalding
had more luck than he. They had taken him in the army and
he had been killed in action. Nevertheless, who knows what
he may have had to endure first, from taunts and coldness
and suspicion, outcast emotions pushed this way and that.
Inevitably the lot of those who are not entirely sons of the soil
on which they fight ... die ... “Thomas Spalding,
Gefallen.”... Richard stared at the brief announcement
till a sting of tears rushed to his eyes. He wished he could
have had just one talk, one grip of the hand with his unknown
comrade, suddenly nearer and more vivid to him than either
Greville or David.
You and I, Thomas Spalding....
CHAPTER III — I
Samson Phillips was first and foremost a man of tenacious
disposition. He heard Antonia mention that Deb was to be
found that Saturday afternoon with a certain person of the
name of llorraine, and that she intended a visit to the same
person, on her way home after the picture-show. Therefore,
by doggedly attaching himself to Nell and her friend during
the picture-show, as he was well able to do after Otto’s
admonition to conviviality; by dint of an afternoon’s complete
boredom and stiff discomfort; and by steadfast repetition of
“Well—where do we go now?” at every projected flight on
the part of Antonia and Nell, when circumstances offered a
break in the concerted programme, as outside the Redburys
front door, or after the complete and lingering tour of the
Leicester Galleries: “No, I don’t care much for this kind
of picture.” Or after half an hour spent in some neighbouring
and drearily respectable tea-rooms; in fact, by simple dint of
“hanging on,” Samson presently found himself being welcomed
by La llorraine, after the manner of a Royal Mistress of the
Robes receiving the Royal Master of the Staghounds....
She was in one of her “legitimate” moods; wit and not coarseness
was the passport for innuendo. They had rented a rambling
underground flat off Elgin Avenue, where their furniture had
at last a chance to spread itself; the vast drawing-room, lit by
candelabra night and day, was thick-carpeted and sparsely
furnished by a Louis couch and chair, a piano, and a table that
held some delicate simpering miniatures. Manon moved about
the dim spaces, a solitary unchildlike little princess with wide
skirts and golden hair that was brushed high off her forehead
and piled into stiff curls.... Obviously, the more disreputable
phase of peroxide, clothes-line, and variety entertainment,
was for the moment in abeyance.
Samson awkwardly approached Deb and Cliffe Kennedy,
who were talking together by the window.
“Good afternoon, Miss Marcus.”
“You? How funny!” Deb began to laugh.
Samson was funny, in juxtaposition with La llorraine and
Cliffe Kennedy. He was so unplastic.
“Who brought you here? Antonia?”
“I came to see Miss Verity home.”
“But she has only just come.”
He held to his point. She would some time or other be
obliged to make a departure, and then his services as an escort
would naturally be required. A girl should not traverse the
dark streets unaccompanied. A girl should be aware of perils
besetting her, though ignorant of their nature.
Samson enquired how Deb proposed to reach home. “This
is the worst end of Elgin Avenue,” he hinted darkly, and looked
with suspicion at Cliffe Kennedy, who passed his hand across
his eyes as though brushing away a hideous memory, and said
abruptly: “I’ve never spoken to you of my little sister—have
I?”
Deb knew that he was an only child. But she also knew
by now his marvellous talent for fitting every subject that came
up with local interest of personal experience. What she did
not know was exactly how real was the momentary belief which
inflated his account of the lovely and cherished little sister—Beth,
her name—whom Cliffe had once been requisitioned to
fetch from an evening party. There had been a woman—he
had not gone. “Someone else will see the Babe home.”...
Beth, tired of delay, having refused all other escort—“I’m
waiting for my brother, thanks,” with childlike pride—had at
last started off by herself....
“It was months before we gave up the search. And it
killed my mother—spiritually,” Cliffe amended, recollecting
that Deb had frequently lunched with Mrs Kennedy. “Her
hair went snow-white during those months——” mournful eyes
fixed on Samson’s aghast, attentive face. His gaze wandered
to Deb’s, read there a gentle reminder of the dear old lady’s
almost unpowdered dark brown coronal; and without the
slightest perceptible break in the narrative, sank his voice to
the supplementary explanation: “Yes—she dyed it for my
sake. I simply couldn’t bear it. My fault—damnable ego-ridden
slothful beast!—and the perpetual sight of that piled-up
silveriness never let me forget for a moment what she had
suffered—what we all suffered ... she guessed it was driving
me to madness—Other women condemned what she did—called
it preposterous vanity ... at her age. God! one of the
divinest impulses of pure love——”
By now, Cliffe was so swathed about in self-spun illusion of
tender maternal sacrifice and a lost little sister, that Samson
may have been pardoned for horrified credulity:
“And you never heard anything—no news—no clue——?”
“I spend regularly four nights a week in brothels,” Cliffe
replied with exquisite simplicity—and Samson checked a stern
protest at use of a word which, after all, Deb could not possibly
understand.
“But I’m making you melancholy with all this. A chance
word reminded me—I’ll see you home to-night, Deb; but I
hope you’re not relying on me to pay your bus-fares; you still
seem to cling to the outworn tradition that gentlemen, beautiful
glossy eligible gentlemen who live in Kensington Palace
Gardens, always pay the fare of the young lady they’re walking-out
with—or rather riding-out with. I’ve noticed a semi-diffident,
semi-expectant look that you always direct towards
me when the conductor comes round, and you pull out your
modest little purse—and I’m hypnotically compelled to the
low rapid pained yet masterful and at the same time unobtrusive
utterance: ‘No—please—allow me—I insist.’...
And I can’t afford it, Deb. I’ll see you home to-night, but you
must pay your own fares.”
Samson favoured the speaker with a look so expressive of the
“beautiful glossy eligible gentleman who lived in Kensington
Palace Gardens” that Deb’s eyes, encountering Kennedy’s,
were an elves’ dance of green and grey merriment.
“I will accompany Miss Marcus home, if she allows me.”
“Are you pledged to see Nell home as well? Antonia and
Nell and I all live in different directions, you know.”
“David Redbury is calling for his sister.” Samson stationed
himself in an uncomfortable attitude beside the lounging
intimate pair, and remained there unbudgingly on guard,
declining to be drawn into their conversation; nor yet to
be beguiled away by any inducement of refreshment or
music.
Meanwhile, La llorraine was making Nell welcome.
“My dee-urr, you are that friend I have been wanting always
for my Manon ... she grows too old, too staid—She is with
me and the Countess and Stella Marcus and Mrs Verity—she
hears us talk—it is not always well that she should hear us talk.
The Countess has a most tragic business on the carpet, my
dee-urr ... wait, I will tell you—or when we have more time,
perhaps. But my Manon—you shall see her every day—all
day—so she will grow a child again—healthy, romping
children, you and she.... You can eat your déjeuner here,
and she her dinner with you—ideal!—it shall be planned ...
for listen:” She sank her voice to the confidential pitch,
holding Nell inexorably captive with one hand, and with the
other sweeping wide descriptive circles. “At present she muses
too much of marriage and what it brings. She sleeps badly.
She put me questions—soch questions.... Wait, I will tell
you my plans.... That marriage, when it koms—ah, it will
be somesing! superb! you see. But it is essential she shall
be fresh and unconscious and blooming.... Those girls,
Antonia, Deb, they are no more early-morning, ... They
dream not ... they laugh at love. My dee-urr, it vos vonderful
you should been brought here for my Manon!
“Now tell me, my dee-urr, are you trobbled inside about
that question of a hosband? Or your mother?”
“I don’t know ... I mean—I haven’t any....” And
then, from the midst of confusion, Nell pushed out a
courageous: “I think it’s horrid to talk about husbands and
that sort of thing.”
La llorraine was switched off at the main. And Antonia,
overhearing, smiled at Nell encouragingly. She and Deb
agreed that it took weeks of hard labour to pierce young Nell’s
creamy layers of impenetrability. As one put out a tamer’s
hand, swiftly her fugitive spirit darted away, in a tremor
of shadows and dreams; thoughts that frightened her, so
like couchant, half-slumbering beasts they seemed. Sweeter
thoughts that slipped from chill grey to silvery sheen—aspen-leaves
stirred by a wind from nowhere, and hushed again. It
amused Antonia not a little that La llorraine should in public
and within the first five minutes of meeting, demand an outburst
of articulate confidence on the subject of Nell’s troubled inside
on that question of a husband.
Nell and Manon, swept imperiously together by the opera-singer’s
enthusiasm, and expected to begin romping without
delay, eyed each other in furtive dislike ... till Manon’s
demure sang-froid relieved the situation.
“Would you like to see my canary?”
“No,” said Nell, in a passion of pity for the artificial life
any bird must lead, in that hectic twilight atmosphere.
After a pause Manon tried again. “The young man who
has just entered the drawing-room has beautiful eyes. Do
you not think so?”
“He’s my brother David. And he’s only a boy. He’s the
youngest of us.”
Her prospective friend shrugged plump shoulders semi-bare
in her quaint early Victorian frock. “Too young for me, bien
entendu. Doubtless he will be infatuated with Mama. The
men of her age who visit her, take no notice of Mama, comme
femme, you understand, but try always to play with me. And
they pretend it is as a child that they make a pet of me, and I
pretend too, and Mama. But we all know it is not so,” she
nodded wisely. Certainly, if Nell were to attempt the task of
preserving Manon’s early-morning dreaminess, here was an
excellent opportunity to start. Instead, she sped across
the room to David; pulled imperiously, desperately at his
arm. “David, I’m ready to go home with you. Quite
ready.”
But David was not to be beguiled. He had found in La
llorraine what had been so poignantly missing from his life
since the outbreak of war. He had re-found his Continent.
She embodied all the thraldom of a tour abroad; all the lost
delights he had described to Richard. Her looks, her voice,
her setting, her clothes and perfume even; the outflung movements
of her long white ringed hands, her bits of richly suggestive
reminiscences, with ejaculations given in all languages.
Sudden familiarities; her exhaustive and professional acquaintance
with foreign music, foreign artists and their very questionable
careers; of foreign cities—their opera-houses and their
royalties; gossip, garlic-spiced and succulent, or else melodramatic
and sonorous—her whole attitude towards life,
towards the ingénue, towards David himself——
He vowed afterwards to Antonia, in ecstatic gratitude for her
share in bringing him hither, that never again while he had the
freedom of the flat near Elgin Avenue, would he fret at island
limitations. “She’s simply incredible. When she talks, I
can smell hot coffee and those jolly bright brown lengths of
bread that one plunged for at the buffet, arriving at Boulogne
or Dieppe....”
“I’m glad you’re happy, at least. My other two introductions
to the party look simply sodden with misery. I think
we must be unselfish, and get them away.”
She indicated Nell and Samson, the former still being entertained
by Manon; the other, an obstinate misfit in the company
of Deb and Kennedy.
Antonia Verity was Cliffe’s only fixed territory; his spiritual
headquarters. He returned to Antonia after all his zig-zagging
spurts of enthusiasm. But Deb was his present caprice. He
took Deb with him everywhere; displayed her proudly to such
fragments of his circle as were handy; told her all the stories
of all his loves; telephoned her before and after meals; wrote
her long and blasphemously witty letters, or postcards that
were the scandal of Montagu Hall; made her free of his home
and his books and his mother, teased her and argued with her
and shocked her and bullied her and—did not make love to
her.
It was an enervating existence—for Deb. There was a
peculiarly flattering quality to Cliffe Kennedy’s absorption
in her, even in its impermanence. Other queens had reigned
... other queens would reign.
She was not in the least infatuated by Kennedy, in spite of
occasional efforts to believe this the cause of the diffused
glamour on all her days and nights. His personality was not
quite that of a real man ... it was a vivid tricky personality—wantonly
elusive—wantonly exacting. He had to be forgiven
half a hundred lapses of manners—even of humanity—per
instant. He was a veritable lob of mischief-making, untrustworthy,
with not even that one point of reliable consistency
of being a law unto himself. No one could ever hope to pin
him down to any statement or opinion. Yet, with these traits,
there was nothing womanish about Cliffe Kennedy. His tastes
were masculine; his language forcible; his brain elastic but
brilliant. Other men—ordinary men—liked and sought his
company, while deploring his fantastic appearance, the leathery
spider-webbed face and the two bits of blue inset with the
vividly light effect of a chimney-sweeper’s eyes among the soot;
his abandonment of yellow hair; his wild sad thin legs that
were like that kind of poem which having no end or beginning,
straggles on and on in various shapeless forms of incoherence.
It was a pity, with those legs, that he should favour so strongly
the tweed knickerbocker style of clothing. He would have
been better suited by a jester’s motley of red and yellow, or a
picturesque costume of fluttering rags and slouch hat and
knotted staff. He resembled that sort of concentrated allegory
in pedestrian form which a few years ago meandered variously
through novel and drama as the Wanderer, the Pilgrim, the
Minstrel, the Fiddler, the Vagabond, the Gypsy, the Tramp,
the Pedlar, the Just-Outsider, the Never-Coming-Quite-in-er.
He was the vanguard of that type with which Deb was presently
to become so familiar—the young male of the transition period,
who, perhaps in self-defence, rose to match the half-and-half
girl; young male who required neither extreme of mistress nor
wife, but accepted, in a spiritual sense only, the semi-privileges
accorded him—the licence of speech confidential or witty;
and temporary rights of appropriation—by an unspoken avowal
that he might be trusted in all situations not to transgress
limits; but in return it must be clearly understood that he was
on his guard against the responsibilities of wedlock:
“Shouldn’t we be miserable together, Deb?” And she
wondered what reply etiquette dictated to this ardent declaration
of no-marriage in the various forms it was offered her.
“Please, I wasn’t even trying ...” occurred to her as the
likeliest.
Amongst the tricks of this twentieth-century style of liaison
was a totally unembarrassed delight in hoodwinking such of
the older generation who still took propinquity at its face value,
to the belief that the two concerned were indeed formally
engaged; wantonly depositing raw material for scandal,
where it would be easiest picked up by the person for whom
intended.
Cliffe was enchanted when Deb reported to him grandfather’s
indelicate enquiries re that young Kennedy’s prospects and
declarations; or sentimental Trudchen Redbury’s eagerness
to discover when congratulations might be allowed to cast off
their decent veilings, and appear on the doorstep in the form
of a large basket of flowers, white and pink. He even insisted
on propping up all such suspicion by escorting Deb to a formal
Sunday afternoon call at the Redburys. “Und nun,”
Trudchen babbled to her husband, as Cliffe’s decorous top-hat
passed up the street in devoted juxtaposition with Deb’s best
white fox furs—“it may at any moment ... how happy the
dear Stella will be!”
Ferdie and Stella, true to resolve, put no direct questions to
Deb. The child was enjoying herself ... she was always
out—that affirmed enjoyment. Stella was as rapacious of
Deb’s conquests as though her own sterile girlhood were thus
being avenged.... A gleam of triumph shot from her narrow
dark eyes in the direction of Hermann Marcus, as Deb
indifferently thwarted his industrious research. Here, at all
events, the despot had no powers of destruction. Ferdie’s
lenience rose from different motives. He prided himself on
his lack of insistence that each succeeding episode should result
in an eventual son-in-law. Plenty of time—plenty of time.
His little Deb was flirting ... only natural! The younger
generation governed themselves by new laws; how unlawful
these laws Ferdie was happily ignorant. According to him, if
“it did not come off,” then either one of the pair was indifferent
to the other’s love, or else they were “just good friends, nothing
more”—no reason why a man and a girl should not be comrades,
in these enlightened days. But that any working
arrangement could exist whereby passion was deliberately
and even verbally harnessed with comradeship, and held in
check, and given rein, and expelled again—no, that certainly
never occurred to Ferdie Marcus. His outlook was just half
a generation ahead of his own; half a generation behind his
daughter’s. Deb, in a sort of wilful despair at her vain search
for control and supervision either from the authority she
would have been quick enough to defy, or by some innermost
spiritual compass she lacked, Deb went where she pleased,
in what company she pleased, at what hours she pleased;
rubbed her spirit in pioneer literature, pioneer drama and
pioneer discussion, till it was mournfully sterile of glamour or
amazement; and for some inexplicable reason, played up to
all assumptions on the part of the Studio gang, that she was
even as they were in experience of sin ... only it was not
the fashion to call it sin, except when the term was used
humorously. Not one of them, girl or man, would have
believed Deb, had she chosen suddenly to discard her pose of
sophistication. She had experimented just enough for this—no
more. Her passionate little face, poised on its thick column
of neck; the heavy lids that were never quite drawn back
from her eyes; slow-smiling mouth, the rich blood veiled by
skin crinkled and transparent as poppy-petals in the sun-rays;
above all, a quality in each supple movement she made, which
a dancer once defined as “limb-consciousness”—combined
to uphold the lie that vanity in her had started.
“What can it matter—my life is my own affair!” thus
Deb, who hoped hers was a wayward soul, and knew it was
merely slipshod....
What can it matter?—why, nothing had mattered much
since she had kissed Burton Ames ... and he had been called
away to the telephone. She had broken bounds then ...
entered on forbidden country. Of what avail afterwards to
turn and crawl tamely back through the gap, resume an existence
where girls did not cheapen themselves?
If he had made it worth while ... he had not made it
worth while, or worth anything. One had heard of girls who,
disappointed in love, had flung themselves headlong “to the
bad.” Deb did not do that. She merely meandered bad-wards;
her steps, like those of a very intricate dance, advancing
and retreating with sideway darts and curvetings and inexplicable
rushes for cover and sudden boldnesses ... all
the haphazard effect, to an onlooker, of a dance without the
accompanying inspiration of music. But the onlooker could
not have guessed that Deb had seen Jenny die with all the
eagerness of her being unfulfilled, baulked....
“I never knew it was so easy to die—while one still
wanted things as much. One must take—take—and take
quickly!”
She was wont to tell Cliffe of her adventures and escapes
on Debatable Ground. He listened with proprietary zest,
and many oaths of secrecy. And then betrayed her to Antonia
or Zoe or Timothy—whomever the object of his next momentary
death-or-nothing spasm of intimacy. Deb, following after,
cleared up the litter of her character, agreed with Antonia or
Zoe or Timothy that Cliffe was simply impossible and deserved
to be forthwith discarded ... and then went off with him for
the week-end to his country cottage near Wycombe.
No—that was how Kennedy himself would have described
the incident. As a matter of fact she went with him for the
Saturday, as she had often done before, and they were to
return in time for supper at Zoe’s flat, where Deb had arranged
to stay for what was left of the night, because it was easier
just to roll over on to the sofa in the sitting-room, than to worry
about busses or trains to South Kensington. She was shedding
the fundamental home-instinct that the black hours must
necessarily be spent in one’s bedroom with all accompanying
accessories of property. Really, once the sacred custom was
broken, one could tumble to sleep anywhere; at an inn, or
on a divan with two or three other girls, or—in hot weather—out
of doors.... Yes, she had grown lax over the geography
of her nights. It was easy enough to ’phone Aunt Stella and
say: “I’m staying with so-and-so till to-morrow.” “Very
well, child—have a good time.” Stella supposed that so-and-so
had a spare bedroom, and could lend Deb a nightgown. Gradually
Deb trained them not to worry even if she omitted to
’phone her whereabouts; a ’phone was not always handy—“You’ll
know I’m all right.”
And all this—for nothing at all. The girl’s behaviour,
submitted to the essential interrogation, was as orthodox as
her circumstances might be the reverse. That night at Seaview
for instance—the sea was entirely a matter of fiction,
but Cliffe insisted that such a name must shed a disguise of
Philistine respectability over any dwelling. It was not even
the dramatically inevitable outcome of a swiftly discovered
passion setting them aflame and beyond all reason and remembrance;
or else to be explained by a set of automatic coincidences,
such as misunderstanding with the rest of the party,
or a faulty time-table or a fog. Certainly it was raining rather
drearily; and Cliffe declared that the prospect of Zoe and her
surrounding aura of Soho waiters and impresarios and macaroni-merchants
rendered him faint with boredom ... and they
were having rather a jolly talk about something-or-other ...
and there was plenty of cold-stuff supper in the larder....
And Deb was in a sort of fancy dress—she had discarded her
wet and muddy tweed skirt for a pair of white knickers of
Cliffe’s, which, with her own loose red-bordered white serge
sailor smock, gave her the look of a trim and dashing principal
boy in pantomime. She disliked the bother of resuming her
skirt again.
“Oh, well, let’s stop on here,” said Cliffe impatiently.
“Why do I pay a high rent if not to be able to talk quietly
with a pal now and then, without interruption?”
“Five-and-six a week, isn’t it?” Deb indolently let lapse
the question of their imminent return.
“Six-and-six. And cheap at that.”
“I suppose the baby-farm next door reduces the price.
They do seem to make more noise than ordinary home-babies.”
Cliffe grinned. “The landlord tried to argue that out as a
special convenience ... ‘So handy just to drop it over
the wall!’”
“When you first mentioned your country cottage to me,
Cliffe, I pictured it with a thatched roof and an orchard and
roses round the door.”
“‘Make me love mother more’” he hummed. “Curious
psychological effect some vegetation seems to have! But
what a hopelessly conventional imagination is yours, Deborah.
Is it likely I’d be found dead in one of those old-fashioned
traps for sentiment and earwigs? Seaview is a futurist conception
of what a country cottage ought to be, in its stark,
splendid ugliness.”
Seaview was a yellow-brick workman’s house, standing in a
row with five others of the same build ... bare of ornamentation,
and with the straight road to High Wycombe directly
outside the door.
Deb balanced one bare tan leg across the knee of the other,
clasped her slim ankle caressingly, and dangled a caked and
clammy stocking near the fire, which, with the reckless
squandering of much paraffin, Cliffe had at last wheedled to
a ruddy pyramid.
“I wish you hadn’t tramped me through all the sploshiest
fields, Cliffe.”
“‘Where there are cows there is dung!’—simple Russian
proverb,” he replied sententiously. “I’m compiling a book
of them. Besides, you shouldn’t have forgotten your
umbrella.”
“I’ve never had an umbrella.... Think of it—never a
little umbrella of my own—and sometimes my arms are empty—oh,
so empty.... I have to watch other women dandling
their umbrellas ... and wonder why such happiness should
have been denied just to me. Sometimes, at night, I dream
that I have, after all, one dear little golden-headed umbrella
... and then I wake up to find it all a dream—all a dream——perhaps
I shall never have an umbrella now ...” Mournfully
she wriggled her toes down into the foot of her stocking.
He watched her from his sprawling posture on the horsehair
sofa, and smiled....
“Highly improper conversations.... Wonder if Samson
Phillips would approve of it? Does he still write you those
compromising letters about running brooks and Ella Wheeler
Wilcox?”
“Every Friday. EllaWheelerWilcox sounds like an oath,
the way you say it.”
He swung himself upright, striking the pillow-sausage with
his fist. “It is an oath. Yes, I might have been a good man
if some confiding aunt hadn’t roused my worst passions by a
gift of those eleven white, innocent-looking vellum volumes....
‘And they were wed on a horsehair bed, and the dying
day was their priest.’ Deb, would Samson Phillips consider
the dying day an adequate priest for you and me?”
“I’ll ask him if you like. I’m a privileged person with
Samson; he used to kiss-in-the-ring with me at children’s
parties—a very serious young man unbending to play with the
little ones—and acquired a taste for me that way.”
Cliffe hummed:
“Now that you’re married we wish you joy
First a girl and then a boy—
Seven years after comes son and daughter—
Come, young couple, and kiss one another.”
He repeated the last line softly ... and a funny little
smile pranced at the corners of his mouth. “Is the game
old-fashioned, Deb, for present company? Here you are,
hopelessly compromised—entirely at my mercy——”
She shook her head. “Much too old-fashioned!” but was
nevertheless not quite sure how far the jocund spirit held sway....
There was an element of primitive commonplace in man
which baffled all her utmost powers of histrionics—and she
knew it; expecting its most unexpected appearances. When
the invariable happened, she had hitherto been able to cope
with it in all its forms so triumphantly as to surprise even
herself—using alternatively the weapons of pure wonderment,
appeal to good comradeship, elfin irony, pathos of reminiscence....
So far, she had had better luck than she deserved. But
each averted peril left her a little wearier of wayside incident,
a little more restless for the good thing which brought rest.
And now—Cliffe. Or was it merely her fancy that his eyes
threatened? Even Cliffe, whose apparent happy sexlessness
had been a subject of such absorbing debate between herself
and Antonia and Zoe. Cliffe—even Cliffe—God’s understudy,
who brought lovers together for his whimsy and parted them
for caprice; and whom no girl of them had caught in lover
mood himself—Even Cliffe—but he was a stranger to her now,
as they all were, the friendliest, when this thing touched to life
some fundamental antagonism.
“Behind the times, am I? Well, try the new way, then.
Advanced theory, and all that.... We don’t love each other,
but let us experiment in life’s stuff. We may ... please
each other without loving. Why not? The Youth of to-day
refuses to squander itself in unsubstantial dreamings. Here
am I—here are you—brilliant young intellectuals. Eugenics—and
all that! Likewise, we are quite crudely frank about
our respective pasts; and render it fully clear that we have
no intention of making claims on sentiment or responsibility
beyond the present hour. And I am cynically epigrammatic
about marriage, and you are fairly amusing about chastity.
And then, let me see—yes—then we become serious and rather
subtle; introspective psychology—passion and its effect on
the individual temperament.—God! deliver me from this
modern fashion of erotic promiscuity masquerading as Repertory
Ethics! Give me instead the old-fashioned blackguard
and the out-of-date village maiden—and they’ll play me a
decenter scene than ever achieved by all this twentieth-century
tangle-talk. Deb—I know a man and a girl who consented to
humour the State and get married for no better reason than
because they had saved up the price of a divorce, to put in the
bank—a sort of emergency exit. And they asked me to admire
their hideous sanity. ‘We’ll take each other for better,’ the
man sniggered—‘but why insist that two human beings should
take each other for worse?’ smug fool—as though his beastly
Marriage on a Reasonable Basis were worth while, anticipating
dreariness and weariness and satiety. To go in for it gallantly,
with hope and a ray of idealism—that’s marriage on a reasonable
basis. But this fellow asked me to admire him....”
“Now, I wonder what you said to him to dispel that
illusion?” Deb was quite serene and comfortable again now
that Cliffe was making speeches. He could be reckoned to
go on for hours, his out-thrust chin propped on his clenched
fists. She suspected he might be equally wrathful and eloquent
had he chosen to hold forth in defence instead of in condemnation
of his subject. But still....
“People think, because there’s a war on, it ought to reduce
the human psychology to a state of beautiful rustic Big Simplicity....
‘We have no time for minute dissections of idea
in these times when——’ Idiots! Windbags! As if war
itself—now—were a beautiful rustic simple Big thing. Everything’s
complex to a verge of lunacy—it’s the tendency of
evolution—war and peace and character and morality—The
war hasn’t made a halfpenny-worth of difference—only a khaki
embrace gives a fictitious impression of bluff manliness....
Complexity is raging everywhere beneath the surface layer of
uniform, just the same—just the same. We’re all victims to
it—you, Deb, and I, Deb. And the immediate tormenting
question of me and you ... we don’t love each other, do we?
You who know too much and have done too little?—do we?”
He rose to his gaunt height, and pressed his large hands on
her shoulders, and stood looking down upon her ... she
wriggled a trifle uneasily. There was monotony in this procession
of negative wooings, and she would have welcomed a
change. It might perhaps have been possible to care for
Cliffe—if he had not damped her ardour by presupposing the
contrary. If he had made love to her ... love, like the
threshold of a dim yet familiar garden fresh with the night-breath
of drenched petals——
And instead they were ruling her round with geometrical
lines and angles—theories! She raised her dragging white
eyelids and looked up at him with an intimate appeal for the
garden ... the garden back again....
His face grew suddenly stern.
“Go up to bed, child—I’m going for a walk on the
Common——”
But he did not remove his hands—till, swooping, he kissed
her gently on the forehead. And strode abruptly out of the
front door into the dark dripping road.
An uncanny familiarity about his action ... a detached
feeling of having once been the spectator—then Deb remembered.
She had seen Cliffe treat Antonia in exactly the
same way. It was his celebrated Kiss of Renunciation, as
performed before all the Crowned Heads of Europe....
CHAPTER IV — I — II — III
“Why didn’t you turn up last night?” demanded Zoe Dene-Cresswell,
stepping in and out of her tiny kitchen in a whirlwind
effort to prepare dinner for Pinto, keep “Quelle Vie,” the King
Charles spaniel, from the sitting-room cushions, entertain
Antonia Verity with an account of her latest incredible adventure,
and illustrate how she would play her new part for the
Andrea Film Co. There was some reason—connected with the
King Charles, or perhaps with keeping the draught from the
stove, or was it an amorous Italian gas-fitter who was not to
know she was at home?—which rendered it imperative that doors
should be perpetually opened and shut as she dashed from room
to room; and as there were more doors than sanity could find
reason for in the fourth floor flat in Soho, Deb was inhospitably
received by a gale of three separate slams, and was compelled
to make an informal entrance through the bedroom. All the
rooms led into one another, like a flat in farce; and, like a flat in
farce, the frequent cupboard doors were constructed sufficiently
like the others to trap a headlong fugitive into enforced concealment;
and most parts of the wall disconcertingly flew
open at a touch.
“It’s all right, Zoe—only Deb,” Antonia called into the
kitchen.
“What did you do with Cliffe last night?” Zoe piped shrilly.
“Such a perfectly awful thing happened here—I must tell
you——”
“We stayed on at Seaview, and only came up this morning—down,
Quelle Vie!—Zoe, she’s eating the radishes!”
“Shove her into the bathroom,” indistinctly from Zoe,
enveloped in a cloud of steam. “My dear, a simply awful
thing—I was just telling Antonia——”
“Here, you bulgy-eyed little brute——”
With a squeal Zoe darted out of the kitchen mists and
stopped Deb and the spaniel at the very threshold of the bathroom.
“Come away—I forgot. Benvenuto’s in there—little Carlo
from the ‘Napoli’—you know. He’s having a bath.”
“Why?”
“How should I know why?—he looked fairly all right from
the top—but the poor little fellow begged me with the tears
in his eyes—he hasn’t got one in his flat—and they’re so particular
at the Napoli—I couldn’t refuse him, could I, Deb?
He might lose his job. Besides, he’s such a little gentleman
at heart—listen to him splashing so that he shouldn’t have to
hear what I’m saying? I like that, don’t you, Deb? It
shows nice feeling. And of course, he couldn’t lock the door
because it doesn’t lock. You might have walked right in and
how would he have felt then? The landlord never left me the
key, and I can’t ask him for special favours because he’s so crazy
about me he might take advantage—common little sand-worm—I
was just telling Antonia——”
“I would hardly call it a special favour to ask for the key
of your bathroom door.” Antonia’s voice, soft and amused,
dropped like cool respite into Zoe’s loud insistent gabble.
Zoe’s conversational ability was a Juggernaut to her friends;
it rolled on and on, destroying in its eternal passage those rash
victims who hurled themselves beneath the wheels. Nothing
could stop its course, not night nor anguish, nor the kettle
boiling over, nor the tailor’s family doing murder on the landing
below. It could not be ignored, nor suffered as accompaniment
to other deeds. It claimed hypnotized attention, and by a
perpetual insertion of “didn’t I?” “well, don’t you agree?”
“What do you think?” exacted response, and exacting, passed
over and crushed it.
And yet she was such a jolly little person, with a wide-eyed
tip-tilted air of a seraphim just introduced into the Café Royal
and anxious to get the hang of the place; tumbled silvery curls;
and sleeves now rolled up to show a plump allure of forearm
and elbow.
“Pinto is coming to supper, we’ve got to make up a quarrel,
which means that he’ll throw the furniture about, especially
if his crab salad isn’t just right, so I simply can’t come in and
talk to you, girls, but I can hear you quite well, so do go on
telling about Cliffe, Deb; was he almost human? I mean,
did he make love to you? don’t say he did ... I like having
Cliffe about the flat to remind myself that a man exists who
can walk, breathe and eat and wash himself quite nicely, like
other men—and yet not want to kiss me. He doesn’t, you know—it’s
so funny, isn’t it, Antonia? It never seems to strike him.
I’ve sat on the arm of his chair and pouted at him, and stroked
his head, and told him how lonely and miserable I was, and
how Pinto had left me for good and it’s so hard for a girl alone,
and I’ve rubbed off all the lip salve because he doesn’t like it,
and drawn his attention to the fact—and still it doesn’t seem
to strike him. Sometimes I wonder if something is broken
inside him—No, I don’t mean ‘Wear one of Our Belts and lift
the Grand Piano’ sort of thing—I meant a kind of moral spring.
Because even the post-office man round the corner—it’s perfectly
awful—he’s simply crazy about me, and I don’t know
what to do, because one must have stamps, mustn’t one? I
never dreamt he felt like that about me till yesterday when I
went in to phone, and he pretended the penny-box was out of
order, and came in to help me, and—well, there I was in the
dark alone with him, and he was whispering in one ear about
every part of me separately—really appreciative, I must say—and
Timothy Fawcett bawling ‘Hello’ from the other end
into my right ear—What was I to do? I didn’t know men were
like that, did you, Deb?”
“There was no marked change for the worse in Cliffe’s
behaviour,” Deb replied to Zoe’s question of ten minutes ago.
“In fact, it was depressingly like spending the night with one’s
great-aunt. He sent me up to bed at a quarter to ten, and then
went for a short walk in the rain——”
“Wrestling with his evil passions, I hope—oh, Deb, do say
he was wrestling, and that his better self prevailed in the end.”
“It must have, because I saw no more of him till he banged
at my door with a morning carol, and no hot water. And I
didn’t know men were like that, did you, Zoe?...”
Antonia said: “Cliffe will revise the episode, bind it, and
illustrate it, with a preface, and additional notes, and alterations
in the original text——”
“Oh, I’m prepared to meet it again, looking like Ophelia
dressed by Paquin for the mad-scene. He’ll boom it for a
fortnight, and then forget it. Cliffe never bothers to prop up
his lies, once he’s tired of them; he lets them crawl about and
go bad.”
“And then sometimes he remembers, and picks them up
again in a very enfeebled condition, and coaxes them to take
a little nourishment.”
“What I want to know,” Zoe clattered in with an assortment
of plates, knives and forks, “is how much he believes in them
himself?”
Antonia expressed her opinion that he believed in them
altogether; was possessed of an illimitable imagination which
did not timidly boggle at fact or possibility, but soared in
ascending spirals of ecstasy to a heaven wherein as he spoke
them all things were.
“Well, what I say is that it’s all very well when he’s just
creating people that don’t exist, to fill a gap in the conversation,
or to point a moral, or draw attention to himself. But he’s
dangerous when he prods about for material about his friends.
The things he’s said about me....”
“Oh, you, Zoe!” Antonia affectionately ruffled the other
girl’s hair. “You outstep even Cliffe’s genius! Have the
good people on these premises been warned about the curse
you bring?”
For Zoe carried about with her an atmosphere of sensational
happenings—police-court happenings. When she moved into
new quarters, they were bound presently to be the scene of a
murder with some novel attendant features; or a burglary on
a particularly large scale; or a police-raid would reveal the
premises to be a house of lurid ill-fame; or a criminal would
be found taking refuge.... And in all these violent happenings,
Zoe, wide-eyed as ever and volubly innocent, somehow
contrived to take the stage as a central figure; she it was who
all unsuspecting had inspired the Polish barrow-vendor with
the passion which had aroused his wife’s homicidal frenzy;
she who had detained the master-burglar—God only knows
how!—while the police were being stealthily summoned; she
whom the procureuse on the first floor had essayed to tempt
into white slavery.... “My dear, she thought I was only
seventeen and knew nothing!” and afterwards testified the
same to a genial and admiring magistrate; she in whose flat
the criminal was discovered in hiding—“poor fellow—you
simply should have seen how he looked at me!”
So, like a Banshee visiting a parvenu Irish family who didn’t
even know they had one, Zoe was now dwelling above a
gradation of Jewish tailors—a tailor and his family to each floor—all
in feud with one another. Cliffe Kennedy foretold an
imminent pogrom as being novel and appropriate to her
present surroundings. Zoe’s subsequent description of events
were always a delight to her audiences—and to herself; for
though she pretended to extreme indignation at her victimage,
yet no doubt but that her vanity was elated at being so conspicuously
selected for the limelight.
It was during these narratives, animated by a complete
pantomime of imitation, that a quality in Zoe which usually
puzzled by its intangibility was washed broadly to the surface—a
quality of eighteenth-century coarse heartiness, a fleshy
stridency recalling the pictures of Hogarth....
Zoe read mostly of the Smollett, Fielding, Richardson and
Sterne period. She had an odd liking for Dr Johnson and also
for Dan Chaucer. The latter’s robust sensuality appealed to
her. Though she often aped the loveable baby, she was a
shrewd little body, well qualified to look after herself and to
deal with her swarming adorers, of whom at least half as many
existed in reality as in her rollicking fancy. Competent, too,
at cooking and housekeeping—Pinto had seen to that.
Pinto was a bad-tempered and highly respectable Portuguese
gentleman of means, who was engaged to marry Zoe. They
had been engaged four years already, and although Zoe did
not allow his formal proprietorship to interfere with her more
enjoyable activities, yet the inexplicable freak of her love for
Pinto admitted of no contradiction. He bullied her, and she
was abject; he sulked, and she wooed him with succulent
dishes; he shouted at her, and she was silent; he had toothache,
and she wept. Her life was a perpetual scamper to clear
her premises of their illegitimate riff-raff before the arrival of
Pinto; for she was essentially “bonne gosse,” and could
no more have refused one man her kiss, and another her
company, than now her bathroom to Benvenuto the oboe-player.
Pinto was not a favourite among Zoe’s friends; and hearing
that he was momentarily expected, Deb and Antonia rose to
go.
“Come any time you like to spend a night here, Deb, to make
up for yesterday. I love to have you, and you know the sofa
is comfy enough. Antonia, you look such a darling in your
khaki, I’ve half a mind to throw up the movies and become a
General’s chauffeuse myself. I’m sure the dear old doddery
thing would simply adore me, don’t you think he would? I
could perch on his knee and pull his whiskers when I wasn’t
driving him to Headquarters. I’ve really thought lately of
doing war-work, haven’t you, Deb? I know someone who
said he could get me a job at the Admiralty.”
“Heaven forbid!” Antonia cried in horror; “Do remember
that as a nation we rely above all on our command
of the seas. To have the Admiralty demoralized into Palais
Royale burlesque of banging doors and everybody helter-skelter
after everybody else.... Prove your patriotism and
stop where you are, Zoe! it’s safer. And I won’t have my
Major-General tampered with either,” she added demurely;
“He’s not much over forty and very good-looking.”
Zoe sighed: “You are lucky; there’s nothing you couldn’t
do with that irresistible peak to your cap.... But I really
should be sorry to chuck up the part I’m rehearsing; it’s a
tremendously fascinating plot, and so simple. I must tell you:
The boyish hero Jim falls in love with Dolores, a wild Spanish-gipsy
sort of woman much older than he is, and marries her.
She gets tired of him, and runs away with something débonair
called Raoul, and they have a child, and Dolores dies. Seventeen
years later Jim meets the child and adopts her and loves
her and marries her—and she gets tired of him, and runs away
with something débonair called Réné, and they have a child,
and then get killed in a circus. Years later Jim meets the child
and adopts her, loves her and marries her, and she gets tired
of him, ... it goes on like that for generations, until dear old
Jim gets a little silver-powdery at the temples, but even that
doesn’t seem to stop him. I play the child each time.”
“And always the same Jim? The film ought to be called
‘The Recurring Decimal,’” laughed Deb. “We must go and
see it when it comes on. ’Bye, Zoe, I hear Pinto’s step on the
ground-floor, and Benvenuto’s bath-water running away.”
Zoe flew to smother the incriminating oboe-player; and Deb,
and Antonia departed. On the dark stairs they encountered
Pinto, puffing noisily, and carrying a large jar of olives.
“She will be pleased with the olives,” Pinto complacently
informed himself. Then he tripped over a basin of some
peculiarly odorous fish soaking in water, which the First Tailor’s
children had left on the landing. His temper changed.
“She will be overjoyed—it may be she thought I had left
her for always. Now I return and I bring her olives. It is
good of me....”
Zoe did not care for olives, but Pinto had overlooked this
fact. He happened to have a taste for them himself....
A black figure shot past him and downstairs as though discharged
from a catapult. It was Benvenuto the oboe-player.
On the next landing, the children of the Second Tailor came
out and drove a hoop at Pinto’s legs, under the impression that
he was a kind gentleman. He disabused them of the notion,
and scowling heavily and panting more than ever, toiled on.
It was deepest ingratitude on the part of Zoe to live on the
fourth floor.
The children of the Third Tailor merely blocked his way,
snuffling heavily. Their sombre eyes and unspoken speech
was that of Maeterlinckian drama: “We have seen him
before....” “We have seen him a great many times....”
“He is seeking the princess in the tower-room....” “What
is that he holds in his hand—I cannot tell—it is so dark....”
“Hush—draw closer....”
Pinto had now reached the topmost flat, and handing Zoe
the olives, coldly awaited her answering burst of enthusiasm.
Unfortunately he had so often reprimanded her for displays
of undue effervescence, that Zoe limited her gratitude to a
meek “Thank you very much, Pinto.”
Pinto was aggrieved. He shrugged his shoulders—demanded
his dinner; reproved Zoe for having her sleeves tucked up—(“You
look like an ill-bred cook!”)—commented unfavourably
on the sort of household which lacked a corkscrew—(“When
I take trouble to bring you a jar of olives!”)—and finally
broke the news that he was going to Paris on business for a
month.
Zoe, smarting under the charge of a lack of feeling, flung
herself into Pinto’s arms, wailing aloud her grief; he was
horribly jarred by her piteous want of control, but shutting
his eyes, suffered it uncomplainingly for a moment; then
condescendingly pulled her ear, and remarked that he expected
her behaviour during his absence to be circumspect, discreet
and loyal.
Zoe promised.
“Coming home with me for dinner, Deb?”
“Yes. Antonia——”
“Well?” They had walked along in silence for a little
while, after quitting Zoe’s flat.
“You’re thinking that I ought not to have stayed down at
Seaview with Cliffe.”
“Why should you suppose I’m a prig who can’t mind her
own business, Deb?”
“There was no harm in it,” Deb pleaded, as though Antonia
had condemned her.
“That’s just it”—slowly. Then: “No, Deb, don’t make
me—please——”
“I know. I know. The same whatever I do. No harm
in it, but you wouldn’t have done it yourself.”
“Not with Cliffe.”
Deb assented in anxious self-defence: “One might as well
be staying under the roof of a nice old lady.”
“Then—is it worth breaking the rules for—that?”
“You believe in rules. I don’t. I’m a rebel.”
“Half a rebel. Or you wouldn’t be justifying yourself
quite so hotly.”
“And you’re wholly a saint!” Deb flared, rather unreasonably,
as she had pushed the other girl to attack.
“Because I don’t stay under the roof of nice old ladies?
It’s futile. When two people care like Gillian and Theo——”
she stopped short, as though she had not meant to let slip the
names.
“I’m always hearing of Gillian and Theo. Are they
married?”
“No. Theo Pandos has got a wife somewhere. He’s a
Greek. Clever—but a cad.”
“And Gillian Sherwood is a celebrity, isn’t she?”
“In her own line she’s supposed to be unique. Bacteriology....
She did a rather wonderful piece of research, and all
the hoary professors of science and medicine bent before her
and kowtowed. It’s a shame she should squander herself on
Theo, just as it’s a shame——” Passionately she renewed her
attack on Deb: “You’ve betrayed us all.... Cliffe will
suppose that any girl—I—I hate him to think so. Why can’t
you run away from them—instead of towards them?”
“I don’t,” whispered Deb piteously. “I stop where I am.”
“Then—run!” with an imperious stamp of the strapped
and booted foot. “You little Oriental!”
“As if they were our natural enemies? perpetual hunters?
It seems so silly and self-conscious.” Nevertheless she recognized
Antonia’s spirit poised for flight, and applauded it—the
spirit of a juvenile athlete.... It really had been a proceeding
rather without purpose, to remain at Seaview. Antonia
never did things without purpose. “I love you in gauntlets
and puttees, Antonia.”
The General’s chaffeuse laughed at the flattery. “By the
way, did Zoe say Timothy had been ’phoning her?”
“Little Tim Fawcett? Yes, I believe she mentioned him—it
was rather swamped in a lurid story about a post-office clerk.”
“Take on Timothy—yes, you. I’m not keen on Zoe’s
influence there. He’s such a serious baby, and he’ll idealize
her.”
“He might also idealize me. Besides, I’m not going to
‘take on’ anybody. You’ve just been bullying me about it.
My soul henceforth shall pace apart among narrow aisles of
lilies——”
“Tiger-lilies?”
They were at the door of the house in St John’s Wood now.
The maid admitted them, and Antonia, passing her, called out:
“Come straight through into the studio, Deb.”
“Please, Miss Antonia, Miss Sherwood is there, waiting
for you.”
“Gillian!” Antonia stopped short. She looked at the
maid—then at Deb. A variety of baffling expressions flitted
across her face.... “Has she been there long?”
“Oh yes, Miss, nearly an hour.” The maid disappeared.
“I’m so glad—I wanted to meet her.” Deb was frankly
eager for the long-deferred encounter ... but Antonia was
behaving strangely; standing rigid and immobile, her slender
eyebrows contracted as in some desperate effort to rally a final
expedient against fate. With a little sigh she let her clenched
hands fall open in surrender....
“Come along,” and moved towards the passage which led
down the garden towards the studio.
The large sky-lit spaces were empty. A scrawled note lay
on the box of oil-tubes: “Sorry—couldn’t wait any longer.
Come on Tuesday evening if you can. G.M.S.” Antonia read
aloud. The suspended colour had flooded back to her face
drowning it in carmine. She crumpled the paper into a ball
and flung it towards the waste-paper basket. Her aim just
missed.
“Take off your hat, Deb,” she cried cheerfully.
“Let’s see the celebrity’s handwriting.” Deb picked up
Gillian’s note and read: “Sorry, couldn’t wait any longer.
Come on Tuesday evening if you can, and bring Deb Marcus.
Cliffe says I’d like her. G.M.S.”
“Antonia!”
“Yes?” Antonia’s back was turned. She was apparently
absorbed in scraping a palette.
“Why did you—Antonia, I want to know Gillian Sherwood.
Why won’t you let me?”
“And the good angel and the bad shall fight together for this
man’s soul,” murmured Antonia. Then she dropped the
palette, and faced round, all her delicate pearliness broken up
to passion—the passion of the earnest priestess for a convert
in danger: “Yes, you’re right, Deb—I have been working
to keep you and Gillian apart, now, and before now, and I’ve
not given in yet. Accident has backed me up this time.”
“But why? Antonia—why? Not just jealousy?”
“No, child—not just jealousy. But Gillian Sherwood is on
her way to do what you must be prevented from doing. And
I don’t trust her influence. If Jill cares for Theo, and gives
herself to Theo—it’s a splendid person thrown away, but not
frittered away. But you,” scornfully, “you’d be all over the
place—once you started. You shan’t start.”
Again Deb asked “Why?”
Antonia flashed her a smile which was a radiant appeal to
good comradeship: “Because ... you’re such a little
goose!”
CHAPTER V
Cliffe Kennedy, entering the Tube at Charing Cross, caught
sight of Mr Otto Redbury between the bobbing hats and swaying
bodies that crowded up the carriage; and immediately
pushed his way to a strap which directly overhung that gentleman’s
head.
Cliffe always asserted that on the occasion Deb took him to
call, he had discovered a tricky fascination about Mr Redbury;
this was clearly an opportunity to refresh the emotion.
Otto waved the evening paper at him, in jubilant greeting.
“Anozzer vamous fictory!”
“The little grandchild Wilhelmine has made the phrase
immortal,” murmured Cliffe. “How lucky for her that she
rhymed with village green.”
Otto looked uneasy; not comprehending the reference, but
wishing that somebody had informed the young man that the
Redbury grandchild was better referred to in public as Minnie.
He changed the subject.
“You live somevere on zis line, Mr Gennedy? I get out at
Pelzize Bark.”
“Oooo ... nice!” gurgled Cliffe. Otto looked interrogative.
Cliffe serenely covered his lapse from manners. “Hampstead
is my station. Our house is on the Heath itself. You must
come and make friends with my mother, Mr Redbury. She’d
like you so much. Come to lunch one day. Come on
Saturday.”
Mr Redbury beamed and puffed out his meagre chest,
anticipating the conquest of Mrs Kennedy. This was undoubtedly
a very pleasant and discriminating young man....
“but I always vind blenty in gommon viz English people—the
good old shtock;”—sentiment reserved for the after benefit
of Trudchen; and to impress Beatrice.
“Yoo-stone!” bawled the guard. A number of passengers
squeezed their way out; and Cliffe dropped lightly on to the
vacated seat beside Otto.
“My dear mother’s a widow, so don’t bring your wife. She
was deeply attached to my poor father, and can’t bear the sight
of any woman less fortunate in a husband alive.”
Otto, groping after what was complimentary in this outburst,
came to the conclusion that the clang of the gates had
obliterated its part meaning.
“Besides,” Cliffe ran on, in a rapid confidential undertone,
“why be for ever bound by the conventions?—Look at all the
jaded joyless faces——” A rubicund Jack Tar opposite
grinned broadly, thrust his tongue in his cheek, his arm round
his girl beside him, and rolled an expressive eye in Cliffe’s
direction. “The day’s routine, and the jolting train, and a
dreary little home in Camden Town, and the evening paper,
and another day—and another, and yet another.... What
those faces want, Mr Redbury, and I see you agree with me, is
Paganism—joie de vivre—a gallop with the centaurs!”
His companion, who would have turned peevish and retired
into his bathroom stronghold at the very first encounter with
a centaur, nodded sagely....
“O glorious Life!” rhapsodized Cliffe, stretching forth his
arms, oblivious of his neighbours’ discomfort and astonishment.
“Wass-vot? who vere you viz last night?” chuckled Otto,
his eyes mere slits of lewd curiosity.
“Last night ... last night ...” ecstatically—then came
an imperceptible halt, as Cliffe discarded a comparatively
innocent evening spent at home with Philip Gibbs’ “Soul of the
War,” in favour of his almost equally harmless adventure with
Deb at Seaview the week-end before. This would serve,
touched up with scarlet and purple; it was additionally spiced
by the reflection of how Otto’s whetted tongue would loll out,
metaphorically speaking, if he knew that the heroine of this
presented drama of Real Life as it isn’t, was Deb Marcus, his
late partner’s daughter, and a friend of his own daughter Nell.
“Two of us—and the great scented common rolling away
from our doors to a star-stabbed sky. Two of us—for when
the little Dryad so long immersed in the oak-tree of tradition,
sprang out at last into my arms, her hair wildly ablow, and with
lips red as blood, then all the pettier issues of the Philistines
were trampled, I say trampled, Mr Redbury, under the wings
which sprang godlike from our exultant shoulder blades!...
(Oh God! what a sentence!...)”
“Camden Town!”
The morbidly interested school-girl on Cliffe’s left was
reluctant to alight—but that happened to be her station, and
she dared not be late for supper.
Otto, as the train gathered speed again, turned to Cliffe
expectantly, as a hint that confidences might be resumed. Of
course he disapproved of these casual rollicking nights spent
unchaperoned save by the rolling common ... disapproved
and was biliously envious: but—but—his look was akin to a
nudge in the ribs—and Kennedy, always obliging, discarded
poetic eloquence in favour of the one-dog-to-another style
obviously more suited to the temperament of Mr Redbury.
He was thoroughly enjoying his own pose of the young-Bohemian
type he most abominated in practice.
“You know how it is——” was sufficient to sound the new
note of waggishness. “You’ve heard the old joke about
hanging pictures, Mr Redbury—I bet you have——”
“Ho! ho! ho!” from Otto.
“We were—hanging pictures ... and missed the train
home—the last train but one——”
“And the last drain of all vent too late, eh?”
“Well—there it is, you see—you can’t bring a girl home
at any hour—especially if her father’s at all particular—as
fathers sometimes are—as fathers sometimes are, Mr Redbury.”
And Otto chuckled and winked and coughed and cleared his
throat, and settled his cuffs, and chuckled again, as though
the lives of Hedda and Nell were never rendered a burden to
them by the paternal injunction: “Home by nine o’clock, and
bed at ten”—and interposed a swaggering if somewhat laboured
anecdote of his own secret unorthodoxy—“We dake it for
granted this is between you and me, yong vellow!”
“Belsipark!” The doors flew ajar.
Cliffe replied with a corresponding drop into gravity: “I
trust equally in your discretion regarding the confidence I have
placed in you, Mr Redbury——”
“... Of course he’ll prattle—but I mentioned no names,”
as Otto, trotting up the platform towards the exit, cast through
the window of the compartment a look of unutterable fraternity
and knowingness.
CHAPTER VI — I — II — III
October brought Samson Phillips to town for six weeks of
special signalling instruction. Quite suddenly, from lethargic
standing about in the vicinity of Deb, as he had done since her
kiss-in-the-ring days, some unseen goad prodded him into
courtship. The old-fashioned word exactly expressed the
flavour of his proceedings. Perhaps he was afraid she would
sink too deeply into the mire of Bohemianism, as exemplified
by La llorraine and Cliffe Kennedy, in whose company he had
found her on his previous leave. At all events, without quite
knowing how it came about, Deb perceived the handsome sapper
to be a prominent factor in her daily life. He rang her up
on the ’phone regularly every morning, and was alternately
facetious or reproachfully tender in claiming her day for the
theatre, or a jaunt in the country, or dinner with his people.
The play or the restaurant was always selected by him with
due care for her innocence and not her preference. He loaded
her with gifts that were a compromise between the generosity
of an Eastern potentate in the wooing of a rapacious slave-girl,
and such restraint as decorum demands before an engagement
be a sealed fact: books of poetry, principally Spencer’s “Faerie
Queene,” flowers, chocolates, crystallized fruits—gloves ... he
was not quite sure about the gloves, and consulted his sister
Beatrice, who said she thought a slight touch of unconventionality
might be pleasing to Deb;—and war-trophies, which of
course were “different.”
The Phillips men always conducted a courtship with their
entire family rolling up behind them, wave after wave, and ready
with a hearty benison instantly the signal for readiness should
be given. A man with honest intentions need make no secret
of them, Samson sturdily contended. Not only the Phillips’
mother and grandparents and sisters and three younger brothers
with their wives, but also, by virtue of Beatrice’s marriage,
the whole Redbury family assisted at the pretty spectacle of
a dark-haired Jewish maiden wooed and won by a son of
the same tribe. Deb told Antonia it was like being courted
in the Arena at Olympia on a day when thrown open to the
general public. Her set also were amused, though less ostentatiously,
by the progress of the affair; it was of a species new
to them, and Zoe and Cliffe, in particular, were clamorous for
details; puzzled that Deb withheld these. For in spite of her
exasperation with the Phillips en masse, she was loyal enough
Jewess to protect her own clan from the levity of the Gentile.
She confided in Antonia; Antonia knew when to control mere
ribaldry; and to consider Samson as a human being, instead
of an entertainment.
The whole wooing was not so incongruous to Deb’s temperament
as the Studio Gang believed it. They made no account
of her fundamental racial instincts responsive to just such a
reaction from truancy, nor to the first twenty years of her life,
spent in an atmosphere where Samson’s methods would have
seemed wholly normal and pleasing. The incongruity only
appeared when contrasted with more recent imprints on her
development. These were responsible for her first careless
acceptance of Samson’s appropriation; she forgot, until too
deeply committed for withdrawal, that his actions and her
acquiescence were here expressive of more ponderous significance
than in the case of Cliffe Kennedy, for instance. She
forgot, in fact, at the outset of the event, that the Samsons of
this world do not lend themselves to wayside incident.
Apprehension faintly stirred in her only when she saw escape
everywhere blocked, by the solemnly joyful expectation of
Samson’s mother and grandparents who had so long and
patiently waited for the eldest son to make his choice; by
the already-one-of-the-family chaff of his younger brothers
and their wives (Samson shorn of his strength by Delilah was
a recurringly favourite joke with them); by her own folly
in having yielded whenever he petitioned for her company;
mainly, by Samson’s propensity to propose to her in the form
of an arithmetical allegory in which Cliffe Kennedy hazily
figured—“Supposing one Man were to have known one Girl
for sixteen years, and she had known another Man for three
and a half months, while the first Man was away; and the first
Man came home again for six weeks, how long ought he to wait
before taking the Girl to drink from the Singing Stream?”
The Singing Stream was not a public-house. It was Samson’s
way of alluding to pure love. He was obsessed by the notion
that if you take a girl to the water, she cannot help but be
freshened and purified by mere sight of its freshness and purity.
Bohemia to him meant dancing and carnival and riot in hot
studios; it meant glaring lights and stifling air and glittering
evening dress. All the nineteenth-century rigmarole: the flash,
and gleam of bare limbs; the dark hectic red of spilt wine;
exotic music, and the stage, and doubtful witticisms and free
love—free love as opposed to real love. It was his fixed idea
that literally to remove Deb from the fetid atmosphere and
take her to where a stream babbled and gurgled and splashed
over the stones and between green banks, was then and there
bound to react upon her system in the way that he so desired.
It did not take Deb long to perceive his motive for these day-long
jaunts into the country; and mischief urged her to play
up; to dabble her fingers among the slippery shallows—it was
fortunately a warm October—and to sigh ... once or twice
... and murmur “I wish——” and be wistfully silent again
... and dabble a bit more ... was quite sufficient to make
Samson preen himself, owning the stream, her thoughts, the
crude blue sky, and the entire healing balm of Nature. He
wished her to be convinced of her folly in lingering to gaze at
Vanity Fair, when she might have been weaving willow garlands.
It was inconceivable that she had done more than gaze with
childish long-lashed eyes ... not knowing what she saw....
As though in complete sympathy with the cause of reform,
running water seemed to follow him about automatically.
Whatever haphazard portion of country they rambled, the
persistent brook appeared like an obedient servant on command.
Deb began to wish her education were completed; the weather
might any day turn chill and dreary. With this in mind, she
perched upon a couple of rickety boards which roughly bridged
a sparkle of narrow river, and shamelessly determined to put
forth her powers to exact forthwith the inevitable proposal,
and thus be through with it.
She had not the same compunction in dealing with Samson
Phillips that might have wrung her had he been the good-natured,
faithful type of fool she had at first imagined him.
The man had revealed himself a fanatic, whose gospel was
Simple Goodness; but who in preaching it materialized its
intangible fragrance as of garnered apples, into a quality of
cold iron; forbidding, repellant. High-principled he certainly
was, but intolerantly throned and totally without forgiveness.
He would have made martyrs where he could not make converts.
He destroyed Simple Goodness, in his harsh advocacy, as he
had destroyed the beauty of running water, by letting it serve
as object-lesson.
On this berry and bronze morning of October, Deb opposed
to him a dancing elfin mood that was far more nimbly in accord
with the tags of fluttering colour blown from the trees into the
eddies of writhing silver, with the jolly boisterous hedges, all
aflame and a-prickle, a blaze of hips and haws webbed in the
powdery tangle of old-man’s-beard—Deb was more wickedly
and wantonly a part of such a morning as this, kicking her legs
to and fro from the plank which spanned the water, than Samson
with all his most complacent hopes for her betterment and cure
could have deemed possible.
“This is how I like to see you looking,” he said, lying full
length on the bank, and smiling lazily across at her. “Come,
now, isn’t it better than studios?”
“Supposing a girl should marry a man”—(“and I don’t see
why he shouldn’t do some mathematics for a change,” reflected
Deb)—“Supposing a girl should marry a man, and the man had
different tastes from the girl, about studios and nature, you
know, and they had two children——” Samson turned his
head away, and nibbled grass—“and both had the same tastes
as either one of the parents, ought the other to give up his or
her own feelings about things or force them on the children,
supposing he or she to be sure his or her ways were the best?”
And she waited solemnly for him to work it out.
He won respect by neither flinching nor compromising. “A
man should never allow his children to be brought up away from
Nature, whatever they may want themselves.”
“Yes”—straddling the plank so as to face him—“but
isn’t what they want themselves, Nature? And if it isn’t
natural for them to want Nature——”
“Then they are unnatural children,” said Samson, stamping
with firm boots on his mythical offspring.
Deb’s eyes suddenly filled with tears. Fancy had quickened
into momentary life a pair of baby creatures like herself, eager
for bright, useless toys, perversely breaking them at each fresh
disappointment ... her children, pressed and wrenched into
the pattern their inflexible father judged best for them....
The might-have-been faded, and was replaced by an exultant
sense of escape. Thank God, these children—hers and Samson’s—need
never live and be sorrowful; thank God, she was still
free to scamper away and play.
“Deb——” he pulled the peak of his cap down over his eyes;
and his words were pumped out with extreme difficulty. “Deb,
will you marry me?”
“No—oh, no”—reaction was still too violent to admit
of polite temporizing.
A long silence while Samson assimilated her refusal. An
interminable silence. Was he wondering what his family would
say? They were in such a crucial condition of expectancy that
he would have to tell them when he got home—the telling
would not be easy.... Deb rebelliously tried to jerk pity
aside; it was his own fault. The right sort of man would have
been decently uncommunicative till his desire was an accomplished
fact; so typically Jewish to drag in the entire household!
Or else he should have chosen a maiden more suitable to be
the object of his benevolent chivalry. She had not deliberately
hoodwinked him into belief that she was this maiden, so unlettered
in life as his obstinacy chose to assert. The accordion
stretches or shrinks according to the player. She hummed a
tag of verse:
“He made a plaster image and he put it on a shelf
With a few assorted virtues that he didn’t want himself.”
—Outburst of romping spirits muted quickly at recollection
of the figure lying motionless and with back turned towards
her.... He was the only man who had ever spoken the
actual words to her: “Will you marry me?” Funny! Years
ago, before they quarrelled, she and Con were canoeing in a
sort of hazy dreamland when it was taken for granted between
them that they would canoe thus into all eternity; and the
other men.... What on earth had led Samson to such a
mistake in selection? From the outside, of course, she
appeared to have most of the requisites: same faith, decent
family, right age (a year or two older than perfection, perhaps,
but nothing to fuss about!) good looks, good health, good
manners—the presence of his mother had always petrified
her into gentle orthodoxy ... but surely, surely, he must
have sensed behind these layers, something wrong—Well, not
exactly wrong, but different. Perhaps he did realize it now,
and was relieved ... he hardly looked relieved—furtively
her eyes peeped towards him, and then quickly away again ... an
almost stricken expression to his recumbent lines. Surely
she could not be responsible for that? What possible thread
of affinity was taut and silken between her and Samson that
any act of her could reach him and hurt him? He should
have been sensible—Deb kicked petulantly at a low bough near
her foot—the suitable kind of girl would have accepted him
joyfully; would be nestling her head against his shoulder by
now; causing him to feel so strong and brave and protective;
and he could have taken her home, and proudly trumpeted
his engagement, and the united family could have poured out
lavish blessings ... quite wonderful, in its Suitable way, this
Suitable dream; she could see that; only it did not fit her, or
else she did not fit it ... a dream going begging!
Still silent? Another glimmering look from between her
lashes, two black fans, long in the centre, dwindling at either
corner. He must be badly hurt ... grace touched her to
penitence again. After all, he had wanted just her—so there
must be a particle of her very self, apart from all misconception,
which had tugged him to love and to pain.
Yes—but can’t he look after himself? Need I? need I?
No one looked after me when the Soldier.... Need one be
nice to grown-up men? Because even when it’s only a boy—even
when it’s Lothar von Relling, nobody understands that
you’re just “trying to be nice.”... She had been waiting over
a year for a little heavenly approbation for that act. Nevertheless,
she ought to have said something softening in answer to
Samson’s avowal, besides the bald and honest: “Oh no” ...
Manners!—What did one say? “Believe me, Sir, I am deeply
sensible of the honour you have done me, though all unworthy
of it,”—Deb could not suppress a joyous gurgle of laughter—she
was free—free—light of heel and of heart. No more arithmetical
allegories; nor deriving of solid moral benefit from
the sight of running water; nor suffocation under the possessive
approval of a good Jewish family; nor quaking in apprehension
of the proposal to come. She was free to return to the set of
wild young heretics who knew her as she was—or a little worse—in
place of these others who thought her so much better, and
to whom her real self would have been a mystifying disaster.
Samson stirred at the sound of her laugh. “Come along,
we shall miss our train,” he said curtly. The peak of his cap
stood between them all the way home. To avoid being alone
with her, he chose a crowded compartment for their journey
home, and completed it in a motor omnibus, instead of a taxi-cab
according to custom. Deb submitted meekly, feeling as
though she were being punished for naughtiness. It was her
nature to cling affectionately even to unpleasant conditions,
directly they had established any claims of habit; so that it
was with a pang of kindliness that from the steps of Montagu
Hall she saw Samson salute her and stride away:
“And now I shall never see him again!”
She saw him again three evenings afterwards. His mother
wrote, cordially bidding her to dinner. Deb, with every inclination
to behave like a coward and refuse, yet felt it incumbent
upon her to “face the music.”... She had eaten at the
Phillips’ table every day and sometimes twice a day, for a
fortnight. But she could not help considering the invitation a
mistake in tactics—What more could they want of her, now?
She consulted Richard: “D’you think I need go? It’ll be
like a funeral. I feel I ought to bring a wreath.”
“Sure you don’t want him?” asked Richard gravely.
“No—no—no. I should have to go to Synagogue, and dine
with the whole family at Mrs Phillips’ every single night—they
never seem, any of them, to dine at their own houses. And have
a Visitors’ Day. And do good works; not good work, but
good works. And never read anything except the Faerie
Queene and Rosa Nouchette Carey, and the newspaper leaders.
And give up all my pals, because they’re a bad lot. And be
accountable to a man for my freaks.’
“Well—that’s just being married, isn’t it?”
“It’s just being married to Samson Phillips—and that’s
being married three times thick. I say—I do believe you’re
in favour of it.”
Richard said he did not want to force her inclinations. He was
perfectly serious about it; these lapses overtook him at times.
She curled her arms round the balustrade post—their conversation
took place at the foot of the Montagu Hall main
staircase—and put her chin down on her arms and said:
“Dear old boy, I warn you that you and father and Aunt Stella
would be taken over by the Phillips family-life, and be absorbed
like ink into blotting-paper. I daresay grandfather would
manage to stand out....”
“He’s a Major in the Sappers, isn’t he?”
“Samson? No, only Captain. Why?”
“Nothing.... I mean the family are known to be tremendously
patriotic and all that sort of thing, aren’t they?”
“I suppose so. Rotting apart, Richard, d’you think I need
go to-night?”
“Yes, I do.”
So Deb went, a shy, prim creature in flowered silk and fichu;
all her troll mood of October dried into apprehension of spending
three awful hours in the awful company of an awful family
hating her because she had flouted it. More than ever did she
quake at the sound of her unnecessarily loud and nervous peal
at the bell, and wished that the Phillips would conduct their
love affairs in solo, and not in the bulk.
By the end of dinner, she was, metaphorically, rubbing her
eyes and wondering if she had dreamt the whole matter of
Samson’s proposal and her rejection of it. The cicatrice of her
infliction showed not a trace on the smooth firm skin of the
Phillips’ complacency. The Phillips’ grandparents still made
a fuss of the dear little girl, such a well-mannered little girl,
and (in brackets) our Samson’s little girl. Mrs Phillips and
Beatrice still included her in all their plans, and consulted her
with pleasant humorous allowance for her immaturity. While
Herbert and Abe, the two younger brothers—Joseph was at
the Front—and their wives Martha and Gwendolen—Florence
was not yet allowed to be up more than an hour a day, although
little Fanny was a miraculously good baby—continued their
chaff as though the situation were at exactly the same stage
as last time Deb had dined there. Abe even made reference
to the threadbare matter of Delilah and clipped locks....
Only Samson was imperceptibly more silent than usual;
but he was never talkative. “Can’t he have told them?”
but of course he had told them. They were probably informed
beforehand of the exact hour he had meant to propose. Then ...
what was the psychology of their present behaviour?
Deb was helpless, rebellious, wholly perplexed, and disliking her
company more than ever before, because she had imagined she
was definitely rid of it; that she would never again sit amongst
flashes of white teeth—they were a handsome healthy family
and had married handsome healthy girls—and hear the curiously
robust conversation about Florence and her baby. When a
married pair was in question, they knew no reticence; it was
right and seemly that open discussion should take place, even
in the presence of a young girl; no harm at all—had not Abe
and Florence been enjoined in the Synagogue, within hearing
of all, to wax fruitful?... But all jokes concerning love
unsanctioned by the Rabbi were strictly prohibited by the
Phillips’ men until they were in smoking-room seclusion. This
was their code. The code of the Jewish male.
“I—I did say ‘no,’ didn’t I? I couldn’t have said ‘yes’
by mistake?” Deb racked her brains—and recognized with
horror that her favourite pudding had been provided—a
pudding she hated. She had told Mrs Phillips once that it
was her favourite, because that lady was distressing herself
over an imaginary poorness of fare; and ever since then it
was carefully ordered for her, and beamingly heaped on to
her plate. To-night the necessity for a second helping was
worse than ever, because bewilderment had robbed her of
appetite, especially for coals of fire.
Once or twice it seemed to her morbidly excited fancy as
though the wedding had taken place already—while she was
asleep or hypnotized or under drugs—and already she was a
Phillips, doomed to dine at this seat at this table in this room
for ever and ever, till she was as old as grandmother Phillips;
until she died and all the male Phillips followed her corpse to
its cremation, and were reluctant even then to scatter abroad
the ashes.... “Yes, Mrs Phillips?” She started from her
trance, to find the ladies had risen from their seats, and that
she was being markedly beckoned upstairs by a would-be
mother-in-law into her bedroom to see the corals purchased
for little Fanny.
Deb thought: “It’s coming now....”
It came.
The explanation was simple after all: Samson, it appeared,
according to his mother, did not understand girls. He had
never taken any notice of them—till Deb. He was that sort
of man. So when Deb in her first confusion and surprise had
stammered “no” to his offer, he had believed she meant
“no”.... He had come home in a terrible state—dear silly
fellow!—till they had all assured him it was all right, and that
he had only to press for a different answer, to get it....
“Girls aren’t as downright as men,” Beatrice had assured
him—“just the plain question, without even taking her
hand?—and then you shut up completely? Oh, Samson, you
old goose—you don’t deserve her!” To which her brother
answered gloomily: “How can I take her hand before she
has accepted me?”
“You know, little Deb”—Mrs Phillips wound up her recital,
“Samson is so upright——”
Downright ... and upright ... yes, all that, but she
did not want him. How to make these people aware that it
was more than maidenly bashfulness which had prompted
her to let drop the stupendous good fortune deposited in the
palms of her hands.
Duly chastened, she sat quietly on a small pouffe, her head
bent, her hands linked in her lap, while Mrs Phillips apologized
for Samson’s remissness in not urging his suit to triumphant
conclusion that afternoon on the bridge; and betrayed at the
same time her stern pride in the rigid sense of honour which
had forbidden her son to speak to the girl of his great love for
her at the same time as he proposed marriage. “He argued
that he didn’t want to influence you, dear. So I promised
to put that right for him. He’s so absurdly chivalrous, that
big boy of mine. All his brothers have had their little flirtations.
Abe was quite a social success, as I daresay you are aware.
But Samson, of course, is the eldest of the four; and his grandmother’s
favourite; and that is quite important, as I daresay
you know. He always refused to let a girl believe that he meant
something serious when he didn’t. And I think, my child, that
he was secretly waiting for you to grow up.”
“I’m twenty-five,” whispered Deb inadequately.
“My dear—not really? I thought you were at least three
years younger than that. And you have never been in love
until now?”
How Cliffe Kennedy would have let his hoyden invention
romp at this juncture! But Deb was too aghast at the slow
process which was ringing her in, for even the memory of Cliffe—somewhere
in the world—to bring comfort.
“I’m not in love with your son,” she cried desperately.
“That does not matter at all.” Mrs Phillips spoke with
unyielding decision. “Samson has a very high ideal of wifehood.
He naturally will not require you to love him before
you are married.”
“Oh!” gasped Deb.... The point of view was disconcerting;
but Mrs Phillips’ apparent certainty of the wedding
was worse than disconcerting—it was terrifying! “I,
Deborah, take thee, Samson——” it sounded like two Bible
legends badly mixed up.... She rallied her forces for another
thrust at the Phillips’ illusion; it was perfectly awful to know
that it was still there; that she had done nothing as yet that
counted towards damaging it. “Mrs Phillips—please—I—I
did mean to say ‘no.’ I’m not worthy of your Samson,
indeed I’m not.”
The imperturbable dark-skinned surface of Mrs Phillips’
face broke into a gleaming smile.
“Now I wonder who’s the best judge of that, you or he?”
Then more solemnly: “I assure you, my dear little girl, all
that matters is that you should make him happy.”
Deb’s rebellion shot up to hollyhock height as she reflected:
“They take it for granted that he’ll make me happy....
Oh, but he would, if I were the Suitable Sort. All the hatefulness
of refusing him over again....”
“Do you mind, Deborah, if I make a remark on the way
you do your hair? It is, forgive me if I am rude—so very
unbecoming. A young girl should always strive to make the
best of herself, you know. Beatrice”—as her daughter came
in with an enquiring air of is-it-all-right-now—“I was just
telling Deborah how we all wish she would change her style
of hairdressing.”
Mrs Phillips’ inflexion of the word “all” crushed Deb back
again on to the pouffe, whence she had deprecatingly risen.
All ... she heard the entire Phillips family owning her,
re-modelling her, chanting as in chorus: “How we wish Deb
would change her style of hairdressing!”
“Let me try how she looks with it done like mine,” exclaimed
Beatrice brightly. “May I, Deb—just for fun? I’m
supposed to have a way with hair”—she began to pull out the
hairpins. “Oh, what masses—look, mother. I think it’s
delightfully quaint the way you tuck it under like a boy, but it
seems rather a shame that nobody should guess what a quantity
you have, doesn’t it? Hardy says a woman’s crown of glory
is her hair.”
“No, Samson said that,” Deb corrected dreamily. She
knew that Hardy Redbury spoke rarely, but with a certain
caustic originality.
“I believe it was Samson!” Beatrice and her mother
exchanged meaning glances of delight. So Deb recognized the
utterances of the beloved!
“There—what do you say to that?” and Beatrice stepped
back a pace or two while Mrs Phillips hovered round the
victim.... “A little more off the forehead and ears,” she
pronounced; “she has such nice little ears; so why not show
them?”
Deb, accustomed to the thick tumble of hair to her eyebrows,
and its warm cluster round her cheeks, stared aghast at her
scalped and naked renaissance in the hand-glass Beatrice held
up for her benefit. She might have cried with the famous
savage who was asked why he did not feel the stress of the
weather upon his person: “Me all face!”
“Doesn’t she look sweet?” Beatrice cried. And Mrs
Phillips assented with less of majesty than usual: “It does
indeed make a difference.”
“Come down and let Sa——the others see!” Deb was urged
to the door and down the stairs, and pushed into the drawing-room,
where by now the whole party were assembled.
“How do you like her?”
Truly abashed, head hanging, cheeks a crimson blaze, the
girl stood just inside the doorway, while the expected chorus
smote her unmuffled hearing:
“Hullo ... Beatrice at her old games.... By Jove,
what a change! So she has got ears, has she? I often
wondered.... Greedy little Delilah! all that hair, and then
wanting Samson’s into the bargain!... Turn round—no,
slowly.... It does suit you, Deb—you must always wear it
like that....”
“Do you consider it an improvement, Samson?” enquired
Samson’s mother.
“Yes.”
She could feel his eyes upon her—eyes of hot proprietorship—and
knew all the sensations of the slave-girl exploited in the
market-place for critical appraisement. The veiling had been
ripped from large tracts of her person, leaving them bare—bare....
Deb, who could be quite happily unembarrassed,
even unconscious, when the delicious cream-white slenderness
of her limbs was exposed to view, who would not have minded
a whit any haphazard spectator of her evening bath, cheek
rubbed contentedly against her own satiny damp shoulder,
loving the huddled contact, Deb now underwent sheer agony
at the novelty of stark forehead, ears, and nape of the neck.
The erection on top of her head felt rickety, top-heavy; all the
separate hairs dragged the wrong way, as hair is prone to do
when forced out of its groove; the Phillips went on exclaiming,
suggesting, twisting her about and around, trying the effects of
her hat on the new coiffure.... And it was not so difficult
to refuse Samson when, on the way home, he proposed to her for
the second time.
“And now I shall never see him again.”
A week later came a formal invitation from Mrs. Phillips
bidding Deb to dinner.
Nightmare ... and really nightmare, this. One lops off
a head and it promptly grows again; or hits out ever so many
times at a malignant beast-face and hits ... past it. And it
pushes itself nearer.... What was the good of refusing
Samson, if something in his temperament was blank to refusals?
And she could not stay away, with the knowledge that in
Sussex Gardens the Phillips’ illusion was still large and benign
and unmutilated ... illusion that she and Samson were to
be married. A smooth, shiny illusion, like a forehead bared
of its tumble of fringe....
Something drastic had to be done to it. She would have to
accept the invitation to dinner, and sit at that seat at that table
in that room ... and watch the teeth flashing and gleaming
... hear again the joke about Samson shorn of his strength
by Delilah ... be approved as one of the family by Mrs.
Phillips ... and feel Samson’s eyes of fanatic proprietorship
fixed upon her while she gulped down her favourite pudding.
She would have to go, because the worse alternative was
to remain in ignorance of just how much she was still engaged
to Samson. And perhaps after dinner she would find
another way of beating in her cry of freedom upon his unreceptiveness.
But she was not very hopeful of this.... She
was frightened.... The Phillips were altogether too much
for her.
However, the nightmare did not precisely repeat itself. There
was no flash and gleam of white teeth round the table; but
instead long sombre faces; Samson the centre of commiserating
solicitude. An oppressive atmosphere of reproach directed
towards Deb; the second refusal could not be thrown off as
lightly as the first. Ultimate results, no doubt, would be the
same ... inconceivable that the eldest son of the tribe
should not have the maiden of his choice. But meanwhile
the maiden was giving trouble ... how dared she?
Mrs Phillips had much ado to keep the hatred from her eyes
every time she brooded down the table at Deb. What better
match could she want than Samson? Samson, with his splendid
looks, and his grandmother’s fortune, and his loyal unwavering
affection. The affection of a good Jew who would give her a
comfortable home.... Obviously the girl was coquetting—testing
her power—and making Samson suffer. She deserved
to be whipped ... making Samson suffer. And a mother
in such a crisis must control her primitive longings to use force
upon stubborn opposition—to take Deb and throw her under
Samson’s feet—“There—to do what you like with.... And
now, sleep again and eat again and smile again ... my son
... my son ....”
Deb understood all this, understood and was passionately
sorry for the irritable disappointed heart that craved for
Samson’s babies to worship as none of the grandchildren had
ever yet been worshipped, and cursed her for her perverseness
in refusing birth to this small dark-skinned Samson. She
wished she did not understand quite so well. Had she been
wholly an outsider, she could have dealt her wound, and jigged
away. Or had she been wholly in spirit one of these people,
then what romance in the prospect of just such a home and
babies! But betwixt and between ... a laughing vagabond
soul who could ache in every fibre for the sorrows of a Jewish
mother; light flying heels that yet lingered for their owner
to look back regretfully on anchorage—a very unsatisfactory
blend ... and, oh, what was going to happen after the interminable
dinner?
After dinner, a series of weighty manœuvres left Deb alone
with Samson in the small boudoir.
“What I want to know—what I feel you ought to tell me—is
why won’t you marry me?” The question lifted itself from
his glucose despondency.
Could he be made to see?—“Because—because—oh,
Samson, we’re so utterly different.”
“Is that reason one? Look at Abe and Florence—how
quiet she is, and he’s such a lively fellow, and yet they couldn’t
be happier.”
“But they belong to the same world—their code, their
creed—and we don’t. Quiet and lively is only on top. You
think things wrong that I think right, and the other way about.”
“There is no such thing as thinking things right or wrong,
Deb. They are right or wrong.”
“Well—there you are!” eagerly. Perhaps by patient
wriggling she could twist her way out of this earth-tunnel,
instead of by one volcanic eruption. “I’d be frightened to
believe that. It’s too simple....”
“Well, what do you believe right which I believe wrong?”
She could not tabulate. And remained silent.
“There, you see!” conclusively.
“If you married me,” he persisted, “I’d give you every single
thing you wanted”—with a mental reservation that his promise
naturally did not include the things that were unfit for her.
She twisted in another direction. “You don’t like my
friends.”
“No. They’re not real, Deb. And you won’t like them
either when you learn that they’re not real. Nothing unwholesome
can be real. I don’t care how clever they are—I’ve
no respect for cleverness or art——”
“Not the ‘Faerie Queene’?” innocently.
“That’s wholesome. It has a sound moral. But your
Bohemians ... they’re not good. Not good or kind. That’s
all that matters—goodness and kindness.”
“They are,” obstreperously. “Bohemians are notoriously
kinder-hearted and more generous than Philistines.”
The man smiled. “Yes, call me a Philistine. I’m proud
of it. But you don’t understand, Deb. How much time does
an artist give her husband or her children or her home?”
“His temperament needs variety, I suppose.”
Samson closed his mouth firmly; he was not going to discuss
temperament with Deb, who mercifully did not know what
she was talking about.
“I wouldn’t let you be dull, little girl, if that’s what you’re
afraid of. We could travel.”
“Together or separately?”
He laughed at the joke. “And you wouldn’t want to see so
much of your friends ... we’re a very united family, you
know, and Beatrice and Flo and Esther are always together.”
A very united family—God, yes!
“So we’ve disposed of obstacle number one”; Samson’s
spirits were rising rapidly. (But how have we disposed of
it? thought Deb.) “Come now, what’s obstacle number
two?”
“It’s because you’re such a united family”—she struggled
hard to find expressive words—“that you owe it to them to
put the right sort of girl in the spare place. Don’t you see,
oh, don’t you see, Samson, that I should spoil the
cantata.”
“But they like you tremendously, little girl; mother and
Beatrice are awfully fond of you. And when you get to know
Flo and Martha and Gwen——”
“It’s no good. I should make you wretched. Oh—why
do you want ... just me?”
“You are the embodiment of the qualities I most admire
in a woman.”
And he believed it, too. And was unaware that it was some
elusive pixie element about the girl—a subtle swing of movement,
a freshness thrilling in her voice, some fleeting curving
trick of her lip and eyelids, a scornful daintiness which were
magic to his manhood, and which would haunt him and escape
him, trip up his senses and beckon him on again ... that it
was this which, subconsciously, kept him persistent for just
Deb, and no other girl. But he was sincere enough, talking
rubbish about embodiment of qualities. This was her pixiness,
translated into Samsonese.
Deb sighed. “One would suppose you wanted to be tormented
for all the rest of your life.”
“In what special ways are you so determined to torment
me?” he teased her.
“Everything can’t be drawn up in lists.... I should get
restless moods, and want to do all sorts of things that you’d
think funny or mad or imprudent—or unnecessary, and I should
want to do them there and then and at once ... without
thinking them over. And I shall hate being asked questions,
and turn sulky over answering them. And I’d go away
without you, and forget to write. And ask for a latch-key.
And invite people to see me whom you aren’t sure are the
right sort, and discuss topics that you’re quite sure are the
wrong sort. And shock your mother by not taking enough
interest in little Fanny. And get furiously excited over a book
or a picture or a bit of verse or a face or—or ... the way a
studio is arranged, or the first summer day in March, before
anyone expected it ... the first day that one can fling
one’s self down on to warm green grass and lie there ... and
lie there dreaming....”
The byway of argument was fatal. She had forgotten that
Samson had a corner in Nature.
At once he rushed into enthusiastic confirmation; ignoring
the former part of her speech except for a soothing remark to
the effect that she’d be bound to settle down—as soon as she
had a household of her own.
“I’d rather die than settle down,” breathed Deb—to the
defiant youth in her. Samson did not hear.
“You’re quite good enough for me, little girl,” thinking
she had been sufficiently chaffed, and the moment had come to
strike a more serious note. “Quite good enough. Run
yourself down as much as you please, nothing you can say will
make any difference!”
No, nothing she could say would make any difference, or rid
him of the supposition that she was merely deprecating—a
prey to modesty....
“I’m different—not worse nor better. We can’t either of
us be too good or too bad for each other if we’re different.”
“Very well, then, you’re right, we’re different. Don’t let’s
say another word about it——” He smothered her uprising
vehemence with a genial pretence of humouring her. “I give
in. I’m entirely wrong. Have it your own way. We’re
as different as you please. And now, shall I call mother
and the others, and tell her it’s all right, and that we’ve
made it up?”
“No, please don’t,” she whispered. Her vitality was
worn-out from the struggle.
He turned back from the door, disappointed. “Deb—is
there another man?”
“No,” again. If only there had been someone, that she
could have rung out a triumphant yes.
Phillips was relieved; but knitted his brows anew over the
problem of her obduracy. Then he asked her if she would
marry him (a) “If I win the V.C. at the Front?” (b) “If I
knew more about pictures?” (c) “If I were more lively?”
She shook her head at each tabulated item. But how queer,
how pitifully queer that he should dream he could be perseveringly
refitted for her love as for a suit of clothes which required
slight alteration.
“I’ve never cared for anyone but you, Deb. Never. Other
fellows might say that and not mean it—but it’s true in my case.
You can ask Beatrice, or mother. Or Abe—he always used
to chaff me for not letting myself be plagued with girls. So you
needn’t be jealous—you’re my first love, and I’m thirty-one.”
Calf-love, then.... No wonder he blundered at every move.
But he ought to have got that phase over long ago. Calf-love,
moon-love ... pretty enough from a lad of twenty-one;
but from thirty-one you expect a man’s defter handling.
“You needn’t be jealous.” Should she tell him her fervent
wish that some suave brilliant woman had indeed shaped him
for present enlightenment? Deb had no ambition to be
instructress.... But he would not believe her ... impregnated
as he was with his theory of female psychology.
“All girls say ‘no’ when they mean ‘yes’; all girls like
to pretend they’re not worthy; all girls are jealous of the
other woman in a fellow’s past; all girls——” Deb was too
tired to combat the ‘all-girls’ convention.
She stood up: “I want to go home, Samson.” And he
stood directly facing her.... A presentiment seized her that
he was going to crush her in his arms. Perhaps, if he did—but
no.
“I shall always be waiting for you when you want me, little
girl. I don’t change, you know. Hope and wait—that’s
going to be my motto!” He straightened his shoulders and
pulled down his tunic and smiled at her.
Her hands flew up as though to push away a suffocating
pressure. A past that held her only, the encompassing present—and
now he claimed the future as well.... “It’s so heavy,”
murmured Deb. He must not be allowed to wait for her—he
must not. Could no word, no act of hers shrivel the Phillips’
illusion? Besides ... there were moods which might assail
her, driven, persecuted moods that cried for anchorage; soft
drowsy Oriental moods, when for sheer languor one might
yield—neither of these moods ought to be open to the peril
of a Samson waiting and hoping.
“It’s no good, Samson,” with ebbing conviction. And she
hated his persistence—until she saw his eyes, dogged with
misery, eager with the want of her.
“Then may I—I wonder if you would grant me a last
favour? The victim at the block, you know,” stumbling over a
laugh.
She knew what was coming....
“I wonder—if you will let me kiss you—just once?”
And because she had hurt him, and could make no other
amends, and because she was ashamed it was such a trifle in
importance to her; and because Deb could never bear to be
avaricious of her chastity, she said: “Yes, if you like.”
He was very deliberate and careful about it, with continual
sideway glances at her, as though in fear permission would be
retracted. The kiss itself ... well, it was quite obvious that
Samson had been speaking truth when he asserted that Deb
was his first love. She clenched her hands tightly and endured
... it was soon over! But a curious change had come over
Samson. Metaphorically, he began to strut.
“Ah! I feel I’ve advanced a step—now.”
Deb turned upon him in a blinding scatter of rage.
“Because I’ve allowed you to kiss me? Do you imagine,
in your fatuous smug conceit, that it makes a difference, except
to make me quite, quite sure—surer even than I was before—that
you’re the wrong man? You and your strictly honourable
intentions, countenanced by the whole family! Why, do you
suppose the man I loved would have had to ask formal permission
for that kiss?—and that I would measure him out just
one at arm’s length as a dole? I, who know what kisses can
be.... Oh, yes, I’m sick of pretending to be the Una of your
private Faerie Queene. It’s men like you, with minds like
yours, who make girls mean and haggling and nigglesome.
What makes you imagine that if I hold out a piece of my face
towards you ... just because ... because ...” a sob of
sheer anger gulping up between the words ... “because you
asked, and I wanted to be decent, and didn’t care much one
way or another, what makes you dare to feel that you’ve
‘advanced a step’? You haven’t!—not a quarter of
one!”
“Very well—I haven’t—we’ll say I haven’t—I give in—you’re
quite right—I haven’t advanced—are you satisfied
now?” Again that futile pretence of placating her. But:
“Kisses ...” she whispered, dreamily, unheeding him,
“kisses ... like a shower of stars on my lips. Stars that
burn....”
Unconvinced of his error, he stated pompously: “I
treated you with the respect which is due to a good girl,
Deb.”
Her smile subtly mocked him. “Ah, but you see, I have—not—been—good.”
CHAPTER VII — I — II — III — IV
But Cliffe Kennedy was indubitably to blame. No one could
spend so much time with Cliffe as Deb had done of late, without
echoing his tendency to achieve a climax at whatever cost.
His sense of dramatic effect abhorred a vacuum. Deb had
caught the trick, that was all. She was always impressionable.
“I have treated you with the respect due to a good girl ...”
and then the pause—and, spoken almost mechanically, her
curtain line.
“Well—he asked for it!”
The drawback to these histrionic displays in ordinary life,
however, is lack of the aforesaid curtain. Certainly it should
have fallen at that juncture: “You see, I have not been
good ...” and Act III a fortnight later.... Meanwhile,
Deb and Samson remained looking at one another, in Mrs
Phillips’ boudoir, her head proudly tilted, so that the little
three-cornered face was fore-shortened to an upcurling of black
eye-lashes, and mouth a mutinous half-crescent, the corners
trembling to a smile sternly chidden back again—“This is
serious!”—but the irrepressible desire persisted....
Samson’s expression was such a marvel of Pharisaic indignation
and disgust.
“So much for the charity of a good man’s love! Why,
supposing it had been true and I wanted him to forgive me?”
In Samson Phillips’ mind was no doubt of the statement which
had shattered his rock-embedded belief in the immaculate
chastity of a well brought up Jewish girl of his own set....
The argument: “Why should she say such a thing if it weren’t
true?” was too obviously undeniable for admittance. And
Deb could have explained to him neither the contagious
peculiarity of Mr Cliffe Kennedy, nor the fact that the Phillips’
family and the thrice persistent proposal had rendered her
hysterical.
Well—now at least she was free. Samson would never again
desire her for his wife. Mrs Phillips would never again invite
her to dinner. Although Deb had chosen a drastic method of
dealing with undesirable invitations to dinner or to the altar—“do
they have altars in a Synagogue? I forget ... but oh,
I wish he would speak before I laugh!”
But Samson’s principles, against which in sheer despair she
had flung her falsehood, stood rigid and undamaged, like so
many spear-tipped railings. Henceforth, Deb was to him an
outcast. He looked at her ... and then he went to the door
and called his mother, and told her Deb was not feeling very
well and wanted to return home at once.
Mrs Phillips gathered from his expression that “that girl”
had flouted him again. Deb was sent home in a taximeter
and an atmosphere of black disgrace. Samson’s one look had
reminded her of a Roundhead soldier—Oliver Cromwell himself.
What a fate to have escaped—Cromwell’s wife, Cromwell’s
family. And a Jewish Cromwell into the bargain!
“But will he tell—anybody?”
“What does it matter!”
An impulse of sheer mischief—then swift contrition—intense
relief—and the usual shoulder-shrug. This was the wheel of
Deb’s psychology. Several days later she told Antonia of the
debâcle. Antonia had meanwhile been out of town, driving
her Major-General.
“Samson would never have done for you, of course. But
you encouraged him, Deb. Why?”
“I didn’t,” sunnily; “I just wanted to try if I could make
myself good enough. And I pulled it off—for a fortnight.”
“And then, in one well-chosen lie—Deb, I love you very
dearly, but your creed is beyond all following. It seems to me
to consist mainly of a lot of trouble for nothing.”
“I just wanted to try,” Deb repeated. “I might have been
good enough, you know. And if the clock had struck while
I was pulling that face, I’d have stopped like that. So Nurse
used to say.”
“Meaning—if you had fallen in love with a good man at the
psychological moment of trying to be good. You’re too accommodating
altogether, my child. Suppose it were a bad man,
and the clock struck while you were pulling that face?”
Deb went to the mirror, and tried on the two faces, one
after another. “Which becomes me best?” she demanded
anxiously, “Puritan or rogue? Oh, Antonia, it was such fun
busting the Phillips’ illusion. I shall never have such fun
again.”
Samson was sent to the Front shortly afterwards. And
Beatrice confided in her mother-in-law, Trudchen Redbury,
her amazement that any girl could so far lose her reason as
thrice to refuse a match like Samson Phillips: “She must have
said something to upset him badly, that last time—but he won’t
say what; he seemed heart-broken, poor fellow ... and
going off like that, too, without any hope. How could
she?”
Trudchen also wondered how Deb possibly could ... and
discussed the matter with Otto, who was thus at last brought
face to face with the failure of his cherished notion of a marriage
between his little daughter Nell, and an officer in the British
army: “He vanted Ferdinand’s Teporah? Ach wass! but
I thought she and that yong Gennedy——” He remembered
how the insolent pair had “called” on the Redburys one
Sunday afternoon, for all the world as tho’ they were engaged.
And then had followed Cliffe’s confidence in the train ... the
name left chivalrously blank ... and not feeling at all
friendly towards Deb, who had robbed him of an English
son-in-law, Otto, by sudden malignant inspiration, inserted her
name into the blank, and was instantly convinced of the correctness
of his guess: “So! and zat vos vy she refused Villips!”
Otto sucked at his lips, very gravely ... genuinely shocked
and buffeted by the revelation that a maiden of the same race
and class and upbringing as his own daughter, could so step
aside from virtue. But then he ceased sucking, blew out his
cheeks ... and ruminated....
That poor Ferdinand: with all his eccentric notions of
rearing a young girl, one must yet be sorry for him. His
daughter was no better than a—than a—Otto hesitated between
a rich selection of epithets in two languages.
One must be sorry for Ferdinand. But it was a pity that
he should not know that there was a cause why one was sorry
for him—(Ferdie had always been the successful partner in the
days when Nash, Marcus and Rothenburg had still existed as a
firm).... Bread and water and a locked room would do the
minx good.
And in addition to all this, Otto was sufficiently akin in
spirit to both Cliffe and Deb to relish the notion of dramatic
tidings—himself as a sort of Messenger in Greek drama.
“If I do not tell Ferdinand Marcus, then zertainly another
will do so——”
Which again would be a pity. Otto decided not to risk forestalment.
At the first shiver of Autumn, grandfather had a bad
bronchial cold, which meant the luxury of a fire in his bedroom.
During such a period all the Marcuses were usually
to be found in enjoyment of this available private warmth,
as a rest from the perpetual conviviality of the lounge
or drawing-room fires. True, it meant that grandfather’s
company was thrown in with the fire—but Stella and Ferdie
were used to him, and Deb and Richard thought him rather
funny.
Otto, when he paid his visit, was received by the three
generations of male Marcus. He requested that Richard be
ejected, with that lack of ceremony towards his juniors which
was so deplorable in the old-fashioned relative.
David was in a training-camp. And: “Has that boy of
yours nossing to do but pite his head off all day long, Marcus?”
when the door had slammed on Richard.
“As much to do as your son-in-law Fürth,” shouted Hermann
with irascible emphasis. “Or perhaps you do not visit him
often enough to ascertain his occupations? Herr Je! Rothenburg,
he was a good enough Schiddach for your daughter
Hedvig five years ago....”
Otto did not like being addressed as Rothenburg. Especially
as a door behind the cupboard communicated with another
bedroom. He glanced uneasily that way....
“There is no policeman there,” his host reassured him.
“Our neighbour is a rabbit who calls himself a Special
Constable, that is all. And I am convinced, lieber Rothenburg,
that your naturalization papers are ready on your person and
in complete order. Or—let me see—you are one of those that
have changed their names ... Redbury, is it?” the old
scoundrel chuckled hoarsely. “Redbury!—poor old Fritzie
Rothenburg of Nuremburg—your late uncle and my friend—that
would have amused him—Redbury! But you must
correct me if I forget.”
And all this, in vengeance for the implied belittling of
Richard.
The S.C. could be heard moving about among his furniture ... and
Otto’s manner had not that repose which stamps
the caste of Vere de Vere—he accompanied the old man’s
loud discourse by an agonized hushing, which Hermann heeded
no more than a drone of a bluebottle. From offensive English
he lapsed into friendly—too friendly—German, enquiring
affectionately after all Otto’s relatives in Berlin, Mainz, Köln
and Frankfurt, mentioning each person by name and address.
And when Otto affected ignorance of the existence of these,
he laughed and coughed, and coughed so much that he was
perforce reduced to gasping watery-eyed silence, which gave
Otto his chance at last for a patriotic panegyric which he
trusted would reach the “S.C.,” and so nullify any evil effects
of Hermann’s malice. “—My son is in the drenches, and my
pones will one day lie in English ground. My money I give for
England, and England, I bray, may still find a use for an old
man’s services, isn’t it?”
“Ach wass!” impatiently interrupting the peroration.
“You have been learning by heart the recruiting posters. I
would advise a little less noise about patriotism, lieber Freund.
You look like an enemy spy who has yet to learn not to overdo
his business. It may bring you into awkward situations.”
Otto turned yellow and his fingers twitched. “Besides, a
man who cannot be loyal to his own country——”
“England is my country!” cried Otto hysterically.
“Stuss!” and Hermann subsided contemptuously. While
Ferdie broke in: “You have neither of you any sense at all.
It is quite possible, papa, not only to be from prudence, but
also in thought and from affection, loyal to an adopted country,
where one has lived, and planted one’s hopes, and brought up
one’s children. Would one bring up one’s children to serve
England before even war was in sight—if still one cared about
Germany? But to shout it about—that is tactless nowadays.
They do not love the sound of our voices—unpleasant—yes,
certainly—but natural. Let us then rather keep quiet, you
and I, Redbury. Papa I respect for making no professions
where he cannot honestly feel them—but he also should keep
quiet. You are discourteous to a country of whom you are
the guest. And also you make things very uncomfortable for
us your family.”
“I have no fear,” snapped the old autocrat, sitting very
upright.
“But I have then, for Stella and Deb and Richard. So
when I feel pessimist, when my opinion is not likely to be a
popular opinion, I keep it to myself. For the difference between
us and the British-born is this: there is, alas, no bias on our
judgments. That pleasant happy bias! ah, it must be reposeful
to let one’s judgment roll with the bias; but the bias
is lodged in the nature, and the nature springs from the soil,
and the soil of England is not ours—we who belong to no
country, and are therefore doomed to see things exactly as
they are. I tell you, Redbury, I would give ten years of my
life to possess that cheery confidence that stupidly, and oh,
how splendidly, through the blackest reverses, through the
silliest muddles and incompetence, still goes on with their
eternal Britannia rules the waves and Britons never, never,
never shall be slaves....”
“If you had a son in the drenches,” repeated Otto virtuously.
And Ferdie sighed and said no more. In spite of all the daily
suspense and anxiety, how he envied the Redburys their
possession of Con. He had not yet forgiven himself the mistake
which resulted in Richard’s present mooching, slouching
existence, not keen to go back to school—not worth while to
enter a profession—waiting for his eighteenth birthday to bring
him behind barbed wire.
“Ferdinand,” said Otto Redbury, interrupting the other
man’s reverie, “I have gom on a very serious errand....”
When Stella and Deb came in to boil the kettle for tea, half-an-hour
later, the Messenger was gone. Ferdie was staring
into the fire, his fuzzy grey head bent down almost to his knees.
And Hermann’s thin lips wore a cynical smile ... he had
waited for these results of Deb’s upbringing, since a spoilt
grandchild of eight years was first brought to Munich for his
inspection.
“Deb—come here!”
Deb looked astonished. She could scarcely ever remember
her father shouting at her. But to Stella the sound was
familiar. The Teuton disciplinarian always begins by losing
control of his voice. Ferdie, in supreme emotion, was reverting
to type....
“Did you spend a night——” he choked—then started off
again: “Did you spend a night with that man Kennedy at
his cottage in the country?—Yes or no?”
“What’s the fuss about?” asked Deb, in Richard’s most
casual manner. She thrust her hands deep into the pockets
of her lilac jersey, tilted back her chin ... and wished devoutly
she could run away.
“Yes or no?” roared her father.
“There was no harm in it.”
“Yes or no?”
“No....”
Sheer whimpering terror, this; not of the bellow which shook
the very furniture, but of the blaze in Ferdie’s wontedly mild
brown eyes.
“You did not?” the relief was so overwhelming, his instant
trust in her word so pathetic, that Deb for very shame quickly
revoked her lie.
“Not in the way you mean. Why are you so ready to
believe ... girls and men in our set—the look of things doesn’t
matter so tremendously any more ... doesn’t matter at all—No,
do listen to me——” She was honestly fighting down an
inclination to sulk—a defiant silence, she would have interpreted
the attitude—“I do know what it looks like to you, that I stopped
down there with Cliffe that night—but really and truly,” with
an appealing little smile—“I’m still Daddy’s good girl?”
“Then why,” asked Ferdie, avoiding her smile—“why did
you encourage and then refuse Captain Phillips?”
“Oh——” Deb stared mentally at these two bits of her—yes,
her silliness, which entangled produced such a formidable
appearance against her. Could she put herself right again?
Not without help. She turned with quick confidence to her aunt.
“Auntie Stel——” and stopped as though at a shock.
“I suppose you had just enough decency left not to deceive
an honest man!” Stella’s voice sounded as though it had been
filed. She crossed from Deb’s side to her brother, the action
clearly defining where her support was ranged.
“Ferdie,” she whispered, for he had sunk back to a despondent,
shrunken heap in the arm-chair; and his knees shook as
she laid her hand on them—“Ferdie, old boy....”
“Little Deb ...” he murmured. Well, Ferdie had always
been a sentimentalist. And the girl, hearing, would have flung
herself at him, even then, her arms tightly round his neck, to
cajole and explain, explain by familiar hugs and kisses ... but
Stella was between them. And grandfather, still with
that wooden smile jerking up the ends of his moustache. One
expected it from grandfather, but Auntie Stel, always so young
and jolly—Not quite the words—“juvenile and vivacious”
expressed it better, somehow: “Run along and enjoy yourselves,
kiddies....” Why was Stella’s look at her now like
the sting of a wasp? ... that came of treating a grown-up
chummily, and as an equal. Never again. After all, she was
only a maiden aunt ... couldn’t tell her so ... even in
extremes one couldn’t say the beastliest thing of all—evidently
they could, though—no code of honour.... Grown ups!
Deb hunched her shoulders in moody exasperation. Even
if she had ... done it, she never dreamt of this rasping
encounter with authority. She, who had even honoured her
immediate family by bragging about their tolerance and
general amiability: “Dad’s an old darling and Auntie Stel a
sport, and nobody minds grandfather....”
She said: “Samson Phillips was a prig.”
“You will not quickly find another man for husband, my
dear Deborah,” Hermann Marcus rumbled menacingly. “You
would have been wiser to strive to please Captain Phillips.”
Stella turned and sprang, buried her claws in his words.
“Husband!—do you suppose she wants a husband? She’s
had what she wants. Look at her!”
This, then, was what had lain in waiting all these years between
herself and Deb—what extreme of love or hatred. That Deb
should have her good time—that was well enough; Stella
did not grudge it her; Stella helped her to it. But that Deb
should stand there, in triumphant insolent knowledge of—the
thing itself—the older woman could not bear that. Her
starved senses yapped their rage and envy. Into Deb’s very
poise as she remained silent and aloof in the middle of the room,
Stella thought to read pity of her, the virgin, virgin by fate
and by tyranny, by cowardice even, not by desire.... Deb,
little Deb the child, Ferdie’s baby daughter, had trodden
strange ground, and by reason of this she was altered, baffling,
mysterious, immune from scolding, forbearing to taunt because
she could afford forbearance—what did she want with Aunt
Stella’s partisanship? she had taken what Aunt Stella had
not dared to take....
“Look at her!”
“Is there any reason,” grandfather demanded impatiently,
“why I should sacrifice my tea to look at an extremely badly-brought-up,
dishonourable and wicked young lady who ought
to have been married and out of the way long ago if she had
owned a father who could properly attend to her interests.
You cannot reproach me, lieber Ferdinand, that I have not
warned you, over and over again, what would be the result of
your loose and wicked lack of discipline——”
“Well, you didn’t do so very much better with your daughter,
did you?” cried Deb, resenting the attack on her father’s easy
kindness, but forgetting that her defence of him involved a
slur on Stella.
“I’ve kept my good name at least, thank you, Deb; you’ve
disgraced yourself and us, running to lick the hand of any man
who chose to call. I hope your father will put a stop to it for
the future, anyhow.”
“He?” Hermann Marcus laughed, and Ferdinand, performing
the proverbial action of shutting the stable door, went
further and slammed it with all his force.
“You will attend to me, Deb, yes? I have made a mistake
in trusting you. I let you do as you please, go where you please,
without asking questions, without interfering. I hoped so
to make you happy. For the future all that will be changed.
You will not go out in the evenings, nor to stay with your
friends. You will account for your time spent to me or to your
Aunt Stella. I will see to it that you take lessons in something,
to occupy you usefully. Less pocket-money and no
latchkey—perhaps so we can bring you back to a sense of
self-respect. Also I will ask to examine your correspondence.
Be sure that it is not with pleasure that I give these orders——”
He halted, hearing a poignantly mocking echo of his old prophecy
to Dorothea: “It will be all right—When one is happy,
one is also good——”
“I have made the worst mistake with you,” he concluded
harshly.
“Then I won’t pay for it. I’ll run away—I’m not going
to be spied on and treated like a baby now, after you’ve let
me do just exactly as I like for years. Why weren’t you strict
all along? I thought you were really broad-minded—that
you really thought a girl had wants and claims ... that a girl
is human ... and the marrying her off business is extinct,
and that going wrong doesn’t matter so much, after all.”
She was half-crying now, but gulped fiercely, and went on:
“You let me suppose that you’d understand if I did—anything.
But you’re just exactly the same when it comes to it—the
old-fashioned parent, ready with the old-fashioned curse.
Well, then, you should have looked after me in the old-fashioned
way. You should have done before all that you say you’ll do
now—examined my letters and disapproved of my friends and
questioned my comings and goings. What do you suppose
suddenly jerks a girl back, when she has read everything,
discussed everything, seen everything——? Books and plays,
jabber, and other people’s example—answerable to nobody.
Why, they’re only preparation for—for ... the rest! It
wasn’t as if I was answerable to anybody; you never bothered.
I’d rather have been kept ignorant and innocent—much rather,
dad. It isn’t fair to bring me up in the new way, and then
expect me to be good in the old way.”
“And it is not fair to be for ever instructed by one’s children
how one should rightly have behaved towards them!”
Ferdinand was now at the end of his patience. “First Richard
and then you: ‘Why didn’t you do this? Why didn’t you
do that?’ God in Heaven, is the parent a beast of burden
that all your troubles and wrongdoings should be piled on to
his back? And supposing I had scolded and worried you and
forbidden—then it would have been again: ‘You have ruined
my life—a little more liberty, and I need not have been driven
to—to—behave like a street-girl!’ Always the parent’s
fault—you are shirkers, you who are so proud to call yourselves
a New Generation—putting all responsibility on heredity,
education, pre-natal influence—I know not what, so long as you
safely escape self-reproach—so long as you safely escape the
crying of your own conscience.”
“Conscience is religion. I’m not religious. If I were—but
you never bothered about that either. I’m not Jewess nor
Christian—I’m nothing at all—nothing—you never
bothered.”
“We did bother; yes indeed, but we were afraid of bothering
too much. We wanted you to feel free.”
“Well then—why?—now?”—wavering to a softer mood.
When her father spoke with just that fondness ... turning
aside her head to blink back the tears, she caught sight of his
old silk handkerchief, plum and navy-blue dabbed together,
knotted round the bed-post in the same way as he was wont
to knot it round his neck, as long as she could remember....
And suddenly Ferdie was dead—and she saw that loop with the
dangling ends, and it struck her painfully that she would never
again see it round Ferdie’s neck, plum and blue stem to that
genial rubicund face with the kind eyes ... Dad was dead
... everybody dies....
Whether she had been vouchsafed a swift keyhole peep
at an inevitable future, or if the vision were merely a
childish drench of sentiment—whichever it was, it sent
Deb straight past grandfather’s sarcastic smile and Aunt
Stella’s antagonism, to her knees beside Ferdie’s chair—snuggled
up against him—Thank God, he was not dead
yet!
“Dad—mayn’t I explain?”
He just touched her black urchin head so near his hand,
but said nothing.
“It’s ... men,” Deb began. Such a maze of by-ways
and turnings, and no centre. Could she ever hope to drag his
understanding in the wake of her intricate journeyings ...
and with the others present? “It was the same in our old
set before we gave up Daisybanks, before the war. There were
always men about, then; when they took me on the river in
the evenings, in a narrow punt, or in taxis—or behind screens
on the landings at dances ... screens put there generally by
the hostess—what are they put there for? ‘Enjoy yourselves,
children!’—Dad, what did you think then? You can’t
possibly have imagined they all wanted to marry me, that they
each wanted to marry every girl they took behind screens or
up dark corridors—in the Empress Rooms or the Portman
Rooms or the Grafton Galleries or Princes? But you must have
thought something!”
But the trend of Ferdie’s ideas had always run on generalizations
... and generalizations would not suffice now to
content this daughter of his, turning up to him such a glowing,
inquisitive little face.
“I was pleased that you should have admirers——” slowly—“Flirtation
is only natural to a young girl.”
“Admirers! flirtation! that, yes, but they—they used to
kiss us—they said things—when they got excited.... They—Oh——”
she rummaged desperately after words—“You—you
grown-ups of to-day, you took away the chaperon and put
up a screen on the landing instead.—It all means something—leads
somewhere—and then you lose your tempers when you
hear—when we.... And I didn’t! I didn’t do anything—this
time.... But I must have something to go by; you must
spell us out the rules once and for all. You’re broad-minded,
you encourage us—expose us; and at the end of it all, last
century’s row comes tumbling on our heads. If grandfather
was a beast to Auntie Stel——” a darted sun-flash of mischief
at the gathering storm on the opposite side of the fireplace—“at
least he was a consistent beast; allowed her to know
nothing and do nothing. You’ve stuck half-way—you let
me know everything and do nothing. One day, I suppose, a
girl will be allowed to know everything and do everything—lucky
her!”
The storm on the opposite side of the mantelpiece broke into
thunder: “Klatsch! klatsch! klatsch! talk! talk! talk!—Had
it been Stella to be found out in shame——”
“Leave me out of it, papa. And you too, Deb,” Stella
threw in curtly, without turning from the window where she
stood looking out into the dripping dusk. “I’m not ambitious
to figure as an edifying example.”
“Had it been Stella,” Hermann persisted, not in the least
heeding her protest, “My first business, as her father, would
be interview the young man and see to it that he is made aware
of his immediate duty towards her. But that, of course, does
not strike Ferdinand. He prefers to sit like an old maid at a
tea-party and discuss the so happy occasion!”
Ferdie, rather dazed, passed a hand across his forehead, wet
with perspiration. “True—yes—I must see him at once,”
he muttered. For a few moments he had forgotten the indestructible
fact of Deb’s dishonour.
“See—Cliffe? Ask him to marry me? Dad—dad, you
can’t.... He’d laugh ... they’d all laugh. It—it isn’t
done, in our set. We—I’ve told you—I thought you believed
me—no earthly possible reason why he should marry me.
That night at the cottage ... dad, I’ve told you—there was
nothing. You mustn’t go to Cliffe,” in a sheer panic at the
ridiculous situation thus threatened, she scrambled up from
her knees, and confronted Ferdinand, also on his feet by now—“You
shan’t go to Cliffe. There was nothing!” she repeated
doggedly. “Don’t you believe me?”
“You did stop at his cottage that night—alone with him?”
The Inquisition commenced anew.
“Yes.”
“Why—what for—if there was nothing?”
“I don’t know. No special reason. One does—nowadays.”
“‘Nowadays’ has as broad a back as the parent, it seems,”
wearily. “‘Nowadays’ must shoulder everything. But only
not human nature, Deb. I have had experience of human
nature, that even ‘nowadays’ cannot alter.”
Thoroughly exasperated, Deb wrenched herself away from
all hope of convincing them.... “I haven’t—I didn’t—but
I might as well have, and I wish I had!” was her sobbed-out
threshold defiance.
... “My tea,” grandfather reminded Stella, after a long
silence.
CHAPTER VIII — I — II — III — IV
“I am writing to you, my dear Zoe, from the Café Romanico.
But indeed the talk all round me is so loud, I can hardly collect
my thoughts. My finger is better, but I have a pain in my
neck. I do not know what it can be, for as you know I do not
squander money on doctor’s bills, which reminds me, my dear
Zoe, that it is quite impossible that you can already have spent
the ten pounds I gave you on leaving....”
Suddenly Pinto looked up. Across the babel of sound, a
familiar name struck his ear.... “Little Zoe Dene-Cresswell—si,
si, I know her—I should have known her better but she
was occupied—Oh, very occupied ... all the day and most
of the——”
“For shame, Gian....”
Here the laughing voices became for the moment inaudible.
Pinto knew the first speaker by sight. It was a friend of his
friend Marchetti, who had arrived the day before from England
to perform his military service. The other man, a stranger,
wore the R.F.C. badge. They were at a table behind him, and
doubtless had not recognized him. Without turning his head
he strained his ears to hear more. The English boy was
reading aloud from a letter.
“... ‘With the face of an orang-outang and the temper
of a Patagonian savage!’... How she can put up with him,
I don’t know—and Cliffe says she actually seems fond of the
horrid coarse brute....”
Pinto had heard enough. He rose and stalked out of the café.
He was amazed, staggered by this proof of Zoe’s hypocrisy
and infidelity. The world swam in yellow and green before
his bilious gaze. So Zoe could write him every day those pretty
little letters, sympathizing, yes, daring to sympathize with
the many discomforts of his enforced trip, and all the while she
was in the arms of another lover—a horrid coarse brute with
a face like an orang-outang and the temper of a Patagonian
savage.... Pinto thought he could have borne it better, had
his rival been a worthier man—in which supposition Pinto was
entirely wrong.
In the first throes of his jealousy he decided never to see Zoe
again, never to write to her explaining his desertion. Let her
wonder at it as much as she pleased! He had been betrayed,
he had been fooled, he who had always been so good to her!
Even now the thought of the ten pounds rankled. How she
must have rejoiced at the necessity for this business-trip! How
she must have laughed in her sleeve during their farewells....
After all, she was a common little thing, this Zoe! He had
tried to educate her taste, but she was evidently glad to sink
again to the type of male with whom she was most at her ease.
In time she would learn the difference.... Pinto preened
himself. He had done with Zoe.
But a month later, when his business-affairs were concluded,
and it was time to return to England, he decided that it was very
dull, cutting people off for ever without seeing the effect upon
them of this treatment; also he wanted his big row with Zoe;
also he had discovered that no French girls could cook macaroni
like a certain English girl.... He did not see why he should
deprive himself of the relief of telling Zoe just exactly what he
thought of her. His nerves were in a state of suppressed irritation
for lack of a victim. Yes, most decidedly he would go
to Zoe and have a grand scene with her, and then never see her
again. Perhaps he would throw something at her; perhaps
even, he would challenge his unknown rival. But this he
resolved not to do, in case the challenge should be taken up.
“Antonia dear, Miss Stella Marcus has just spoken to me
on the telephone. She asked for you. Perhaps I did wrong
in not calling you, but she was kind enough to say that I was
not to trouble. She seems to be in deep distress of mind,
causelessly I should say, but of course I am in no position to
judge.”
“Why, mother?” Antonia and Cliffe were engrossed over
a portfolio of Cubist pictures by an aspirant for their candid
criticism, when Mrs Verity came to the door of the studio.
“Deb has eloped, with very commendable independence of
spirit, I thought, but I did not say so to Miss Marcus, who
seemed in deep distress of mind. Forgive me if I repeat myself,
Antonia dear. Cliffe, do, I beg you, forgive me if I repeat
myself, but it is all so surprising.”
“Eloped! Deb! but she’s never said a word to me!”
Antonia sprang to her feet, scattering the drawings over the
floor. “Whom has she eloped with?”
“Miss Marcus said ... but I really and truly doubt if she
can be accurate, so perhaps I ought not to report her words—it
is so very, very difficult to know what is tactful and prudent
under such circumstances—but Miss Marcus said her niece had
unfortunately eloped this afternoon with Mr Cliffe Kennedy!”
Antonia raised quizzical eyebrows in Cliffe’s direction.
“Present appearances are in your favour, Cliffe—but still——”
Kennedy protested heatedly: “I have most emphatically
not eloped with Deb! Do I look as though I’d eloped with
anyone this afternoon? What nasty people those Marcuses are,
taking away a fellow’s character!”
“Perhaps they did not mean it uncharitably, Cliffe; I trust
indeed that if you or anyone were to elope with a daughter of
mine, that I should approve heartily—though certainly elope
has an old-fashioned sound. The Marcuses are slightly old-fashioned
people; charming—I mean nothing to their detriment,
but laggards in emancipation. Young people do not
elope nowadays—they walk straight out of the dusty temple
of convention on to the open heath. But pray do not allow
me to be a bore; I merely wanted to assure you, Cliffe, that in
repeating Miss Marcus’ comment, I in no way attach any
blame to your possible complicity.”
Cliffe bent and kissed her hand in its black silk mitten.
“I regret to state, dear lady, that I’ve frequently invited a
daughter of yours—I may say the daughter of yours, to step
with me on to the open heath, but, deplorably archaic in
her principles, she has always rigidly insisted on the prior
formality of a registrar’s office.”
Mrs Verity shuddered slightly. It was one of her troubles
that the late Mr Verity had succeeded in imposing upon her the
legal right to bear his name, before she knew enough of life,
or the New Movement, to resent it.
“Mother, you’re being selfish. I want to know about
Deb?”
“Oh, dear,” full of contrition. “And you have been so
patient with me. Now let me try and be accurate: I gathered
from Miss Marcus that violent argument had taken place this
afternoon between little Deb and her father, in which he censured
her, most unwisely, if I may be permitted to say so,
for a too passionately independent spirit, and threatened her
with closer guardianship for the future. The brave child, refusing
to submit, has been seen leaving Montagu Hall at tea-time—no,
a little after, with a suit-case, but without a word of
explanation. They are anxious to discover her whereabouts.
The object of the telephone call was to enquire if Antonia
knew anything.”
“But where do I come in?” demanded Kennedy in aggrieved
innocence.
“Miss Marcus seemed to think it possible that you were
involved in the flight, but she did not give me her reasons for
supposing so. I mentioned indeed that you were here, but ...
Cliffe, if you have an appointment with Deb to-night,” Mrs
Verity glanced at her neat wrist-watch—“it is precisely a
quarter to nine,” she said anxiously. “You ought not to
be late—if she has taken this step for your sake—I truly have
no desire to be meddlesome, but——”
Cliffe turned sulky, asserted that he knew nothing about Deb,
that she had probably gone for a walk, and that he and Antonia
were due at Gillian Sherwood’s at nine o’clock.
“People don’t go out for walks lugging a suit-case. Don’t
be inhuman, Cliffe. Deb’s such an impetuous little goose....
Oh, probably she has gone to La llorraine—or to Zoe.... Yes,
I remember Zoe offered her a spare bed whenever she liked
to drop in. I wish she had a ’phone.” Antonia fidgetted
irresolutely with an easel-peg, popping it in and out of its hole.
“I’ll run round to Zoe,” she exclaimed suddenly. “Explain
to Gillian for me, will you, Cliffe? I shan’t rest till I find out—it
puzzles me why Deb doesn’t come here....”
After Antonia had quitted the studio, and Cliffe and Mrs
Verity had enjoyed a little desultory chatter on Reconstruction
of Sexual Morality in Conformity with the New Era of Womanhood,
and what a pity it was that darling Antonia was so
intolerant, he departed for Bayswater, where he found Winifred
Potter lolloping in plump content on the horse-hair sofa, with
a penny novelette.
“Hullo, Winnie, where’s Gillian?”
“Hullo, Cliffe. I believe she’s out. Or she may be in her
room. Just look....” She was of the pretty unremarkable
type of suburban girl, who wears beads round a podgy white
neck, and never moves save under compulsion.
“Not in there, Cliffe,” as he opened the door of the bedroom
adjoining; “We’ve changed over, so that I needn’t do the
stairs so much. Jill sleeps on the third floor now. Wasn’t
it sweet of her to change?”
Cliffe grunted and ran up to the third floor, then down again.
“Not a sign of her. At least—no—the whole bally floor
is littered with signs of her, but that’s all. Is she out? She
expected me and Antonia to-night to go to the Vermilion Club,
but that’s nothing; no inconvenience. Winnie, do wake up—you’ve
grown fatter.”
“Theo says I’ve grown thinner,” said Winnie unperturbed.
“Theo was pulling your leg, my dear.”
“Was he? Yes, he often does. He is a caution....”
“Where’s Gillian?” shouted Cliffe, whom, strangely, this
placid young woman could always irritate to a frenzy—(“If
you poke her mind you only dimple the suet”—he complained
to Antonia). “Where’s Gillian? She invited Antonia and
me to supper.”
“I expect she forgot,” lazily, “anyway, Antonia hasn’t
come, so it doesn’t matter.”
“I’ve come, haven’t I?”
“Yes,” Winnie sighed, and fingered her novelette.
“Well—I’m off again. Can’t waste a moment. Tell Gillian
that we’re in a terrible state; Antonia has had to run round to
Zoe—Deb Marcus is missing from home since yesterday—no;
the day before—since days——” he paused, for sensation.
“How perfectly awful. But I expect she’ll come back,”
yawned Winnie.
It had become more essential to Cliffe than anything else
in the whole world, that Winifred Potter should be made to
display some rending emotion.
“No. She won’t come back. I ... happen to know she
won’t come back, you see.”
Winnie dangled her bare braceletted arm over the side of
the sofa and picked up a cushion which had slid to the ground.
“Why? Do you know where she is?”
“No. Only where she isn’t. Only where she isn’t, Winnie.
And that’s on earth.”
... After all, it was merely the question of the novelette.
Now that Cliffe had really produced a thrill which out-rivalled
even “The Sin of Lady Jacynth” by Coronal, Winnie immediately
yielded him what he coveted in the way of attention all
agape. She was personally acquainted with neither Deb nor
Lady Jacynth, but Cliffe had proved himself a better author
than Coronal.
“—Dead?”
He nodded curtly, and stood for a moment with eyes fixed
on the carpet ... then bent and cut off a loose strand absently
with his penknife ... seemed on the verge of speaking ... thought
better of it. Winifred watched him; her light blue
eyes were circles of horror and fascination.
“She’s not dead,” abruptly; “forget that I said it. I ought
not—Ought I?—I don’t know.... Upon my soul, I
don’t know....” he began to stalk the room, hair falling
shaggily over his frowning forehead, as he jerked his head in
acute mental conflict.
Winifred was rapacious for detail: “Did anyone treat her
badly?” she whispered, with healthy gloating. “Any man,
I mean?”
And one man stood stock-still as though he had been shot.
“What makes you ask me that?”
“Was it you?” queried Winifred, very naturally.
And then he unburdened himself. He had by this time safely
crossed that precarious borderland stage in the Life of a Lie,
by Cliffe Kennedy, when that lie, from being artistically perceived,
created and approved by his own consciousness, is
slowly and mysteriously merged, as far as he was concerned,
into genuine and independent existence, the self-supplied
ground-work entirely obliterated from his memory.
He was mostly worried, it seemed, as to whether he ought to
tell Deb’s people ... what he knew. Directly he heard
that she was missing, her threat of suicide had scorched like
fire into his mind.... Why, that night on the open common ... black
blown space, and Deb’s wild hair swept straight
out like a drenched black banner by the wind; and Deb’s
mood black as night itself, and as passionate, declaring that she
meant to die—that she was tired of fighting God—“tired of
fighting Him for you, Cliffe.... And sometimes it’s easier
to die than to live——” He had no very clear notion of what
the fuss was about, but he saw her face, a grey blur, save
where her eyes and mouth were wet and black ... and knew
it was best for him to turn and go; her ragged sobbing followed
him through the swish of the rain, black slanting stripes of
rain....
So the man’s racing sense of what was fitly beautiful and
tragic caught the scene and flashed it into being; so his infallible
ear caught the sounds, ... and so he described it to Winnie
Potter—till the complete vision was broken all into bits—like
the Cubist pictures which he had last seen strewing the floor
of Antonia’s studio.
... Mrs Verity’s recent remarks, a certain conversation
with Otto Redbury in the Tube, the actual Saturday to Sunday
spent at Seaview, telepathic oddments from Winifred’s conventional
expectation, suggestion from the cover-picture
illustrating “The Sin of Lady Jacynth,” were all stirred and
flung pell-mell into the descending spiral vortex of Cliffe’s
prismatic imagination.
“Oh!” gasped Winifred at the end of the recital, “but I do
think you ought to tell them, Cliffe, even if you’re not sure—they
might want to drag the river, or something.... Anyway,
they’ve got a right to know.”
“Granted that—have I the right to tell them? The Aunt
mentioned me as being mixed up in the whole horrible business,
when she ’phoned Mrs Verity. Am I the person to tell them?
... when it may not even be true ... when I may be only the
victim of my cursedly morbid imagination—And yet—I wish
to Heaven, Winnie, that someone would take the decision out
of my hands. I can’t stand it much longer—holding the secret
alone—it gnaws ... like the fox—Spartan boy—you know!...
I hold it tight, and it gnaws. What do you suppose my
nights are like?” turning with ferocity on to his hearer, who
replied simply: “What things you do say, Cliffe!”
“Ought I——” he hacked anew at indecision. The puzzle
existed for him as surely as though it were wrought in bits of
metal, and sold in a box for fourpence-halfpenny. Deb was
missing; his name was mixed up in it; ought the Marcuses
to be told what he knew about that night—(hiatus)—at Seaview?
Was he the right person to tell them? These were
all facts. The hiatus was slurred over unperceived ... it
was such a tiny hiatus. Winifred Potter was responsible for
it, by being fat, and yawning, and talking in that slow flaccid
way of hers.... But it was an absorbing problem! And
underneath a top layer of recently-manufactured tragedy,
Cliffe’s genuine nature was genuinely concerned about Deb,
and the circumstances which attended her flight from home,
and his own possible share in the matter. Was any course of
action expected of him—not officially by her family, but in the
way of ordinary decency? An offer of marriage? Surely
not! but he ought to go and look for her——
In the river?
Who said she was in the river? truculently. Winifred Potter.
She had talked about dragging it ... nasty idea! Anyway,
how did she know? She was too fat to know anything—just
a mischief-maker—And then again—ought the Ledburys
to be told?... Would it be worse for them to wait from
hour to hour and from week to week, hope slowly drained
away—or be dealt the sudden blow?
Not by him in any case. Not by the man who ought to have
married Deb.
His entranced mind, pacing the hiatus like a bridge between
fact and fancy, took him out of the house and half-way down
the street before he even realized that he had left the room.
And he had completely forgotten to say good-bye to Winifred.
... Presently she picked irresolutely at the edges of “The
Sin of Lady Jacynth.” She wondered if it would be wrong to
finish it; like—like raising the blinds too soon after a funeral.
But—it was not as if she had known Deb any better than
Jacynth. And the solution to that lady’s sin was so handy ...
one did not have to go out and drag for it, or even move from
the sofa....
Winifred did not move from the sofa, not when the front-door
bell was violently pealed—again—and several times again.
She went on reading. After about six minutes, the lodger on
the third floor, who had previously admitted Cliffe, came
tramping wearily down the stairs again to let in Gillian Sherwood.
“So you are at home, you lazy young pug. And awake?”
“Have you lost your key again?” Winnie reprimanded her.
“Yes—no—here it is, in the ash-tray. I remembered
suddenly that Cliffe and Antonia were supposed to turn up
to-night, and flew home.” Gillian, yielding to natural tendencies,
scattered widely her hat and gloves and coat in
various portions of the room. Then chased them and retrieved
them and draped them tidily on one chair, remembering that
if she did not do so, nobody would. It was on understanding
of the performance of this and like jobs that Winifred had been
enlisted as her room-mate. Thus Gillian would be left free
to be a genius. Winnie was glad to leave her own chaotic
home of exacting parents and brothers. She ensconced herself
tranquilly and for good on the sofa of Gillian’s furnished apartments.
Having naturally a sweet disposition, she did not
complain because it was a horsehair sofa and very slippery.
And Gillian, having naturally a sweet disposition, enlivened
by humour, continued to make brilliant effective dashes at
domesticity, in the between-whiles of her other work; with the
sole difference that now she cleared up for Winifred as well as
for herself. She had grown fond of the plump little parasite;
and took the same sort of freakish delight in her as Cliffe in
Otto Redbury. And Winifred was mulishly averse from
returning home; she was happier with Gillian; Gillian gave
her more pocket-money than ever father did. And Gillian
was famous—a personage.... It was all very nice. She was
never going to leave Gillian.
Gillian began to hurl supper on to the table, smashing three
plates and a jam-jar, confidently indifferent as a conjuror who
smashes a watch in the knowledge that he can produce it whole
again out of the top-hat of the Gentleman in the Back Row.
Winifred watched her listlessly for a few moments, till it dawned
upon her that knives and forks were being laid for four.
“Cliffe and Antonia aren’t coming. Didn’t I tell you?
Cliffe has been here already, and he says that Deb Marcus has
killed herself!”
“Then she probably has a cold in the head,” Gillian commented,
with the perfect serenity of one who has often sampled
the output from the Kennedy factory.
Winifred was indignant; and even roused herself to convince
Gillian; who presently admitted that there “might be something
in the story!”
“—Anyhow, Cliffe oughtn’t to be allowed to walk about
with such a dynamo joggling loose in his pocket. Did you
say he did or did not intend to explode it on the Marcus family?
Because if the girl is really missing, it may frighten them.”
“He wasn’t sure. Never mind. We don’t know any of
them.” And Winifred rolled off the sofa and established
herself comfortably at the table.
Gillian’s eyes twinkled at her—narrow green-grey eyes
set askew in an odd, thin, freckled face. Gillian’s body was also
thin and small-boned to a degree. And her hair, which, by
all the rights of compensation should have been a gloriously
redeeming feature, was short and mouse-coloured and ragged—short
with the round pudding-basin effect. The man who
loved her could say that she had pretty wrists and ankles, and
enormous fascination. Then, lacking material, he must perforce
cease from hyperbole.
(“Go on, Theo—what next?” and he could never be quite
sure if she were wilfully plaguing him, or else blind to her own
shortcomings. “Theo, do you know a bit in Browning about
‘Mistresses with great smooth marbly limbs’?... Jolly
line, isn’t it?... Or d’you admire the slender type more?
I—I suppose you would call me slender, wouldn’t you?...
Not exactly the right word?—Well, svelte then? ... like
ladies in the corset advertisements. No? Theo, not—not
scraggy—Oh, you wouldn’t call me scraggy, would you?...”
Then, after a pause, still persistent: “Theo—would you
call me scraggy? Do tell!”
“You’re just the squeak of a mouse made concrete, Gillian.”
“That’s not such a good line as Browning’s,” she sighed.
And he, being a sensual epicure, sighed also, thinking of the
great smooth marbly limbs—and for the thousandth time racked
his brains for what attracted him so mightily and desperately
in this exasperating bit of a creature with—with——
“Well, Theo?” expectantly.
“With remarkably pretty wrists and ankles.”
And: “Go on, Theo,” in complacent appreciation of
these. “What next?”)
“Where’s the blanc-mange?” enquired Winnie, whose
favourite pudding it was.
Gillian pushed her hands backwards through her hair, in
an effort of memory; “I believe I turned it out on the washstand
in your room. You’ll find it there when you want it.”
“Why, are you going out again?” as the other rose impetuously
from supper.
“I’m not happy about that Deb Marcus kid.... Not my
business, but Cliffe is such an irresponsible lunatic—and if
even Antonia doesn’t know what he’s saying about it all——”
“Nobody knows but me and him,” said Winifred importantly.
“It’s a secret.”
Gillian bestowed on her a quick mobile grin. “Mind you
keep it, then. Did you say Antonia had gone round to Zoe?”
Winnie nodded, her mouth full of salad.
“Right. ’Night, Winnie.—Lord, I’d nearly forgotten that
key again. Why didn’t you remind me? Think of the
national calamity if I’d called you up out of bed.”
Winifred assented, but reflected no doubt that there was
always the lodger on the third floor.... “You might give
me the blanc-mange, Jill, as you’re up.”
“I say, is my sister here?”
Zoe opened her eyes very wide: “Are you Seul au Monde?”
she whispered cautiously, bending from the threshold towards
Richard till her rumple of primrose curls fell forward over the
shoulders of her frilly white dressing-jacket.
He stepped back a pace.
“Because if you are”—with a gurgle of laughter—“then
I’m Petite Sœur—but you’re not half as French as I thought
you, and why aren’t you in your nice uniform? Never mind—are
you hungry? Did you cross to-day? Do you think
you’re going to like me as much as you supposed?”
“Well, honestly, you’re awfully jolly and all that—but you see
we’re a bit bothered about Deb just at present. Is she here?”
“Deb—oh, then you’re her brother. Mr Richard Marcus,
isn’t it?” Zoe immediately adapted herself to the change
of notion, and all the possibilities it in its turn entailed.
“D’you know who I thought you were? My unknown
correspondent at the Front—I answered his Ad. in the “Vie
Parisienne”; there was no harm in it, was there? He wrote
back such a darling letter—and promised to come here on his
next leave. So of course I thought.... But it doesn’t
matter one bit, so do come in. I’m really rather glad you’ve
come, between ourselves, because my landlord’s called on me
and he’s perfectly awful when he starts.”
“What a beast!” rather hazy, nevertheless, as to what it
was the landlord started. Possibly the poor kid was behind-hand
with the rent, and he was trying to cart away her furniture.
“I say, is Deb here?”
“No, but I daresay if she told you to meet her here, she’ll
turn up presently, so you might as well wait. I’ve often
wondered what you were like ...” with a serious intimate
scrutiny from under drawn brows, which she always found
“went” well with under seventeen and over sixty. “Come
into the sitting-room. You’ll excuse these clothes, but I was
just dressing for to-night when he came”—with a nod
towards the room—“and you won’t believe me, but I’ve had
to be perfectly horrid to him ...to counteract the effect of
my hair down, you know. I suppose he has the kind of wife
who keeps hers always in iron curlers—shouldn’t you think
he has? So, poor man, one would expect a little agitation.
But there are limits, aren’t there? I mean from one’s landlord.
So you really are a godsend ...a sort of guardian
angel. Isn’t it curious, but I’ve always, even when I was a
kiddie, wanted to see my Guardian Angel in the flesh—at least
in his clothes—you know what I mean? Because I was
always quite sure he was a man—it didn’t seem right that he
shouldn’t be, somehow.”
“Bet you could have made a man of him, anyway,” said
Richard in blind admiration. And he was right; Zoe could
be relied on to rouse the sex element from any substance in
her vicinity, even a guardian angel.
Delighted with his tribute, and still gabbling, she preceded
him into the sitting-room, and prettily introduced him to the
landlord, a very low man, but genial, and obviously with no
evil intentions on the furniture. The difficult point at issue
seemed to be that he desired to pay for the new carpet; and
Zoe, wriggling coyly on the edge of temptation, would yet not
quite yield to it. “Though if spitting on a carpet makes it
yours, I’m sure I’ve no more claims at all, Mr Wright!” with
a look of coquetry that mellowed her unexpectedly frank
rebuke.
Richard was enjoying it—enjoying her immensely. There
was no real cause for alarm about Deb; only the family were
fussing. And he was flattered by Zoe’s skill in making him
feel essential to her being, while dimly recognizing that the
flattery was somewhat impaired by its too even distribution
between himself and the landlord. Zoe was not in the least
Richard’s ideal. But Zoe was—well, rather a rag! And she
bespoke applause by the zest and candour with which she
demanded it, retailed it, invented it ...her existence might
present a surface appearance of muddle, but perhaps more than
other girls she could hail herself as a success. Zoe knew how
to unwind unlimited quantities of what makes you happy, and
how to be made happy by a material of which unlimited
quantities exist for the unwinding.
“I’m going to be taken out this evening by a Cavalry giant
who clanks and jangles the whole way up the stairs, and calls
me ‘You dear little thing! fancy livin’ all alone with no one
to look after you—it’s a shame!’—and brings me presents.
He’s about forty and thinks I’m not quite seventeen; and
when I perch winsomely on his knee and turn his pockets
inside-out to find what he’s got for me, he’s just as pleased as
a little child. Really he is! And then I spread out all my
presents on the table to make them look more, and dance round
them and skip and clap my hands with glee. Oh, he loves it
when I clap my hands with glee. You shall both see me do
it if you wait long enough. Isn’t it funny what things please
some men? Sometimes I say ‘What have you brought me?’
and he says ‘nothing at all’ to tease me, and I pout—like
this—look—look, Mr Marcus!—and he can’t bear to see me
so disappointed and pulls an enormous painted chocolate-box
from behind his back! That sort of treatment is wonderfully
rejuvenating, you wouldn’t believe it; tons better than massage.
There he is, and I’m not dressed yet!” She scuttled
into her room as a door banged down on the street level;
then popped her head in again to say: “You’ll keep him
entertained, won’t you, till I’m ready? He’s quite
easy!”
“Would he rather have me or Mr Wright to perch on his
knee?” laughed Richard.
“Ef it’s fur turnin’ aht ’is pawkits, it’ull be me!” the
landlord remarked with a facetious wink.
As the footsteps were heard, though without any of the
perceptible clank and jangle foretold, Zoe again appeared, with
comb tugging at her curls.
“I wonder if the sight of you two would upset him....
I’ve told him that I had no friends in the world except him
and one old lady who’s kind to the lonely little girl”—she
eyed the landlord dubiously—“Oh, you could pretend to be
the broker,” with a quick spurt of inspiration. “Will you,
Mr Wright? It might make him feel generous, mightn’t it?
And you”—even in the extremity of haste and peril she
checked herself from a tactless decision that maybe Richard
was too young to matter much—“You—behind the curtain.
No—your boots will show. Get into the cupboard—Quick!”
She banged the door on him, and banged her bedroom door,
just as the front-door of the flat, left open at Richard’s entrance,
banged shakily behind the entering newcomer.
“Like a bally old farce,” Richard reflected; he did not know
that people ever really hid in cupboards. Though in Zoe’s
flat such behaviour seemed not only free from eccentricity,
but rhythmically correct.
He knew the flat quite well.... Richard’s imagination
was not the choked-up affair of a year ago. This was the
flat where comic misunderstandings took place, and false
identities, where an incriminating glove was left in the corner,
and where screens fell down at the wrong moment; it was the
flat for runaway wives; the flat where the husband is made
to look a fool. It was jolly, now, actually to be in such a flat,
actually to be the Man in the Cupboard; Richard chuckled
silently ... then grew impatient, till, after seemingly
endless waiting in muffled darkness the fourth wall against
which he pressed his weight gave way, and he stumbled forward
into a room full of people.... “Fancy, I forgot you
for the moment,” laughed Zoe, who had released him. “Why
didn’t you bang or shout? Here’s Antonia come to find Deb.
I’m sure I don’t know why all London is running here this
evening to enquire after that sister of yours. Isn’t it funny—she
and Monsieur le Caporal met on the stairs, and he thought
she was Petite Sœur, didn’t you?—just like I took Mr Marcus
for Seul au Monde!”
A young man in uniform, with round red cheeks and a tassel
dangling from his cap, stood adoring Zoe with an embarrassed
smile, obviously not understanding a word of her harangue.
There are two types of Belgian soldier—the stolid peasant who
is shy, and the dapper townsman who is bold. Zoe unfortunately
had hooked one of the former species. Undaunted, she
turned her welcome into French with morsels of pidgin English
inserted for the benefit of Mr Sam Wright, that he might not
feel left out of the conversation; Richard over by the window,
was explaining to Antonia about Deb.
It was Mr Wright who discovered that the Belgian had had
nothing to eat for fourteen hours. “’Old on, Missy—the
young chap’s guts is fair yawning for a bit o’ something solid.
This is my treat—see—and you go an’ cook a steak for ’im.
Veev la Belgium!” and the Corporal, understanding, stood
at attention—and then bowed gratefully to Mr Wright, to
Antonia, and Richard, and Zoe, in turn, while the tassel from
his cap bobbed absurdly....
Zoe, interrupted in a rapid résumé of her own intimate
history, calculated to set the intruder at his ease, took up the
threads again while she ran in and out of the kitchen, laying
the table and grilling the steak.
“Isn’t it a good thing I’ve still got some wine in the house—this
is the last bottle, but I expect more to-morrow—it’s a
present. Oh, not from Captain Braithwaite—I wonder why
he’s so late, by the way?—but there’s an Italian wine-and-macaroni
shop just round the corner, and the owner is simply
crazy about me ... an atrocious old man with black teeth,
but he does stock good wines, and so cheap.... His wife
caught him out ogling me over the counter one day, and now
she won’t leave the shop, so the old demon comes round here,
and brings me Chianti on the sly, hoping to melt me. There’s
not the slightest chance that I shall be melted, but you don’t
think it’s wrong of me to accept the wine, do you? I mean
he takes the risk of losing all and gaining nothing, doesn’t he?... Of
course I daren’t let him into the flat, besides, I wouldn’t
do such a thing! No, I wouldn’t, because I don’t honestly
think it’s right, if his wife feels like that about me, do you,
Mr Wright? So I half open the door and tell him to leave
the bottles outside and go away quietly for both our sakes!
He supposes I’ve got a jealous husband—the Italian bandit
kind, with ribbons and daggers all the way up their legs.... And
just fancy, once he had the cheek to come round without
any wine at all, and said—well, I didn’t know men were like
that, did you, Antonia? But I sent him home to fetch some
pretty quick. Wouldn’t you have?” appealing to the Caporal,
who murmured “Mais oui, certainement!” and sat down to
his steak as to a serious business. He shovelled up the food
strangely, and thought how beautiful was Zoe, in her white
frilly dressing-jacket, clouded with yellow curls....
“Why not go round to La llorraine?—Deb might be there,”
Antonia suggested. And reluctantly Richard stood up. Deb
was a nuisance—of course she was all right. He disliked La
llorraine and Manon; but Zoe and her doors and her landlord
and her Belgian and her spaniel and her lovers and her stories,
had a unique flavour of attraction. Any further developments,
comic or ridiculous, might occur at any moment, in
this atmosphere.... Sure enough, a door banged four flights
of stairs away ... scuffle of many feet approaching—and:
“Why, it’s Captain Braithwaite,” cried Zoe, in a clear,
childish treble of astonishment. “And did you find little
Becky and Mark and Joey on the stairs? What’s the matter,
Becky? broken your scooter? ... never mind, let me give
you a ginger-snap—two ginger-snaps are better than one
scooter, aren’t they? What a pretty drawing of a thermometer,
Joey? Is it for me? Now that is sweet of you.”
“Mother thayth I’m to athk you to ’ave a look at me thore
throat, Mith!” The children of the Second Jewish Tailor,
whom the good-natured Cavalry officer had gathered and
brought in from the landing, were grouping themselves round
Zoe’s Barrie-like representation of the lonely little mother to
whom all the children bring their troubles, as spontaneously
and efficiently as though they had been rehearsed for weeks.
Zoe really had been very good to them in different ways at
different times, and their present adhesion round her knees,
in full view of a beaming Captain Braithwaite, was her reward.
Antonia, in an aside to Richard, anxiously questioned her
own grotesque fancy that yet another set of doors had just
banged, and yet more footsteps were scuffling and clattering
up the stairs: “This flat is haunted by a delusion of banging
doors—listen!”
“Listen!” echoed Zoe, smashed into sudden silence—“It’s
Pinto!” she whispered, all her gay resourcefulness paralysed.
“She hears it too,” Antonia sighed with relief; “I don’t
mind so much if we’re all raving together!” And indeed it
was obviously incredible that the corpulent whiskered person
who was projected squealing into the sitting-room, by an
image of bony yellow ferocity, could be otherwise than chimera.
The wine-bottles which the pursued swung in impotent arabesques
from either hand, erased the last touch of credibility.
“Face—like—an—orang-outang—temper—Patagonian savage ...” were
the only words distinguishable from the yapping,
snapping medley of limbs and bottles and vituperation.
There was a crash of splintered glass, and ruddy liquid
poured into pools on the carpet, and Zoe cried out to Captain
Braithwaite, who flung his big form on top of the belligerents
and wrenched them apart. The ensuing sequence of events was
rather too nimble for disentanglement. The Italian wine-and-macaroni
merchant from round the corner collapsed
panting—then rallied his faculties and bolted for the door.
Zoe darted in his wake, and returned triumphant, a few seconds
afterwards, carrying the second and undamaged flask of
Chianti. Meanwhile Pinto had vented his spleen upon the
Cavalry officer, the landlord, the round-eyed Belgian, and
Richard, on whom each in turn he fastened his saga of “face
like an orang-outang—tempaire of a P-P-Patagonian savage!”... The
return of Zoe he greeted by a violent and uncomprehensible
outbreak of what was certainly bad language and
probably Portuguese; informed her that he knew all about
it, and was done with her for ever ... caught up a chair
and wrenched it into fragments ... glared viciously at the
innocent amazement of Monsieur le Caporal; jabbed an
accusing finger at him—“You—yes, it is you—you may have
her—she is worth nothing, I tell you—stop eating and take
her—take her—take her!” lifting the remains of the steak
from the plate and flinging it across to the window, where it
narrowly missed Antonia—“Here—just you stop that!”
Richard ejaculated, doubling his fists truculently.
“Leave ’im alone, Sonny—’e dunno wot ’e’s doing!”
The finger travelled instantly round to the pacifist—“Whose
is this house, you——?”
“Mine!” the landlord retorted, putting up his boots on
the sofa as a sign of ownership. “Nah shut up, do—ladies
present!”
“It is then you with the face and the temper?”
“Face and temper yourself!” from Mr Sam Wright, which
retort, though merely made in the way of casual repartee, was,
had the assembled company only known it, the full explanation
of the scene so astounding them.
But Pinto’s suspicions made a last leap at Captain Raymond
Braithwaite. “Take her”—flourishing with both arms in
Zoe’s direction. “She is ungrateful, unloyal. True affection
is not to be found in her nature. She lies and thieves; she is
untidy in her clothing; she has betrayed me and will betray
you. Take her—perhaps your temper like a Patagonian savage
will keep her in order. Take her and beat her if you please.
Who am I to have a claim?...” He recapitulated the entire
list of Zoe’s crimes, linked to the benefits his easy-going
generosity had showered upon her; shed tears at the recollection
of his own innocent confiding trust and little tender
ways; surpassed himself in an ebullition of Portuguese and
English blended into one final expanding monstrous, wall-cracking,
hair-stiffening execration, anathema, and blight——
Antonia stepped forward, and laid her hand on his arm.
“You’re not behaving at all nicely, and we’re tired of you,”
she said gently but distinctly.
Pinto, checked in his onrush of epithet, rolled round at her
a pair of livid, yellow eyeballs; spluttered; made a few inarticulate
sounds in his throat—and departed.
No one could deny that his visit, though short, had been
full of lively colour.
“Ma foi!” said the Belgian poilu, still gaping stupidly after
his steak.
Richard burst into a shout of laughter, and went on laughing
boyishly, irresistibly. It was infectious ... presently Sam
Wright joined in, and Captain Braithwaite, and Antonia, and
even the Belgian. Zoe, on the verge of tears, was the last to
succumb.... “At least, we’ve got some wine now,” she
gurgled, divided between sobs and hysterical mirth. “And
we’d better drink it—it’s g-good wine and so cheap! I’m
glad I remembered just in time to nip it.” She darted away
for glasses—“But honestly, I haven’t the faintest idea what
Pinto was so cross and unkind about, have any of you?”
“He did seem a bit annoyed: what?” guffawed Captain
Braithwaite. “Here’s to his good recovery!” They all
drank Pinto’s health in excellent Chianti.... A bell tinkled
from below.
“Oh dear! he must have jammed the downstairs front
door in going out, and now people can’t push it open. I do
think he ought to control himself a little bit better than that,
don’t you? I mean, it’s so horrid when one has visitors.” The
bell tinkled again impatiently. “Will one of you go down?”
Deb dawdled along the street, painfully carrying a suit-case.
La llorraine had insisted on keeping her to supper, but the
Countess was occupying the only vacant room in the house ... anyway,
you could always rely on a bed at Zoe’s whenever
you turned up—time enough to-morrow to think things
over....
Somebody was already on the doorstep pealing at the bell:
“The door usually stands open, but it must have got jammed....
Do you want tailor Moses, tailor Jacob, or tailor Isaac?”
“I don’t want a tailor at all, thanks. Not to-night, anyhow.
I want Zoe Dene-Cresswell? I wonder if she’s in.”
Again Gillian tugged at the bell. “You look as if you ought
to be Deb Marcus.”
“I am.”
“I’m Gillian Sherwood. Put down your suit-case and shake
hands. I’ll carry it up for you, if ever they admit us.”
Gillian at last! Deb was first conscious of triumph—followed
by a quick pang of guilt. She had not sought out
this meeting; it was purely accidental—but what would
Antonia say?
Antonia opened the door to them.
PART III
CHAPTER I — I — II — III — IV
Deb was living with La llorraine. She indignantly refused
to return home on the understanding that she was to be partially
forgiven for an offence she had never committed; on the other
hand, her affection for Ferdie caused her a pang of acute misery
when she saw how the belief in her sins had stripped him of a
certain chubby contentment which even the war and its
complications had hitherto left unimpaired. For of course
her swift dramatic rupture with her family toppled to an
anti-climax. Richard took home the tidings of her whereabouts;
and a day after her flight, Aunt Stella appeared at
Zoe’s for a parley. The tolerance of the period did not permit
an erring daughter to be blasted with a parent’s curse and left
to suicide—or worse—in the dark cold streets of London. The
tolerance of the period sanctioned some natural anxiety over
the said daughter’s material welfare, tentative negotiations,
and a return home to a great deal of nagging and an atmosphere
of reproachful discomfort. Perhaps Deb foresaw the final
inevitable item; perhaps also, her passionate self-persuasion
that she could not bear continual witnessing of Ferdie’s sighs
and worried forehead, was the outcome of a guilty suspicion
that it was more by haphazard than by virtue that she was
able to mount her pedestal and stand aggrieved upon it.
“It’s the fault of my very lax upbringing,” she argued with
the guilty suspicion.
“Yes, but——”
“It’s lucky that I have a certain fundamental standpoint
of moral decency,” with crushing pomposity.
“Yes, but——”
The yes-buts had it.
“I can’t live at home with Aunt Stella hating me like this,”
weakly.
And here she was right. Even Ferdie recognized that his
sister and his daughter were henceforth not likely to dwell
together in a state of affectionate harmony. Stella had been
queer about Deb ever since discovery that Deb was—initiated.
What was to be done? And then La llorraine appeared at
Montagu House, an emissary from Deb.
“My dee-urr—leave it to me.”
La llorraine was magnificent, she was Miladi, she was Josephine
Beauhamais, and Madame de Maintenon and Louise
de Querouaille, Duchess of Portsmouth, and every other
intriguante of foreign history, entrusted with dispatches and a
cardinal’s secret, a go-between from one royal court to another.
She wore filmy black, and a huge black hat cast a mysterious
shadow over her eyes; she wore all her sables, and Parma
violets; and fingered them meaningly with her long thin white
hands as though they were a symbol of a lost cause. She
flattered, cajoled and hinted, and laid down her cards and
picked them up again; and her speech was worldly and witty
and wise, and her smile was maternal, or suggestive, or discreet,
and she overwhelmed Ferdie Marcus with dupery and diplomacy,
and left him quite dazed, but convinced that the arrangement
made was the only one possible in view of the subtleties
involved; and that moreover it had emanated straight from
him.
“So, my dee-urr, you join us in our humble little appartement,
and your father will put you in possession of your
own income. Have I done well?”
“—Turned out of home plus a cheque-book?—that’s what
I call an éviction de luxe,” laughed Antonia, when Deb told
her of the new arrangement, while re-packing her suit-case to
quit Zoe’s flat five days after her weary arrival. Zoe was out
at rehearsal.
“What are you going to pay La llorraine per week for board
and lodging?”
“My-dee-urr,” Deb imitated the grand manner and the
large gesture by which her future landlady had dismissed the
question—“Zat—between us? it shall arrange itself——”
Antonia looked enigmatic, and warned Deb that the first
time she arrived at the appartement, and found her breakfasting
at eleven o’clock in a dirty wrapper and curl-papers, in the
Venetian drawing-room, on stale mayonnaise, with La llorraine
practising scales, and Manon being demure with the fishmonger
because the canaille wanted to be paid, she would immediately
haul her off to an environment less pictorial but more
hygienic.
“Fishmonger, indeed!” Deb turned Quelle Vie out of the
suit-case, “when we want fish, La llorraine, pale and haughty,
kisses Manon on the brow and goes out to pawn the Crown
Jewels; then she brings home the fish and chips in a piece of
newspaper, and we sit down to enjoy it while she tells us
sniggering anecdotes of fifth-rate music halls.”
“Look here,” demanded Cliffe, striding into the room,
“I’ve been interviewing your brother, Deb, and he says that
little bit of mange who calls himself Otto Redbury is responsible
for our good name dragged in the mud. He says that verminous
Dutchman called on your father full of a ‘brivate peesiness’
just before the row. What I want to know is, who told him?
And a rumour has got about that you committed suicide last
Friday night. That’s not exactly funny, is it? We’ve got
to track those scandals to their sources. You don’t seem to
realize how serious it is. Our honour is at stake!”
“It’s so good of you to include mine,” Deb said meekly.
“Sit down, Cliffe, and don’t rave. I suppose I started them
myself!” And she related her dramatic confession to Samson
Phillips. And Cliffe listened, frowning.
“But this is all hypothesis. You mentioned no names to
Phillips. You didn’t actually specify that night at Seaview.
I’m not reproaching you for the lie itself, Deb—that was merely
silly; feminine boasting. But Otto must have got his definite
facts from someone else, and I’ve written him an imperative
letter on the subject. It begins: ‘Sir’”
“That’s not highly striking or original in itself, Cliffe. Why
not ‘Honey?’”
Antonia laughed. “Tell us Otto’s answer when you get it,
Cliffe. I respect you for taking a strong line!” But Cliffe
did not show them the reply he received from Otto; he studied
it in solitude and bewildered indignation. What could the
man mean by reminding him of a certain conversation in
the Tube? He recalled, with an effort, having once travelled
in Otto’s company, and having talked a great deal of fantastic
rubbish for Otto’s benefit, but he was quite sure that not the
veriest scavenger could have picked Deb’s name from among
the rubbish-heap—“I’ve always been very careful over
names....”
Deb, taking her present emancipation as a vantage-point for a
survey of her past, as a whole and in segments and phases,
arrived at a conclusion that the general inadequacy on the
amorous side was due to foolish compromise. She made
up her mind, therefore, to reform, and be bad—thoroughly
bad. In the episode with Samson she had proved to herself
that she was no longer fit for the conventional extreme of
respectful love and sheltered marriage. Her dilatory sense of
daring must therefore be flogged to that other far extreme—“I
hate betwixts and betweens!”
A little balm of self-deception had to be applied. Hitherto
she had been more or less under home supervision; not stringent
supervison, certainly; but a background of loving trust was
a hindrance in itself. Now the trust had been withdrawn—and
the background. Now she was on her own—free—disillusioned—slightly
embittered—(Deb prodded the embitterment
anxiously—yes, it was still there....) Now she was
twenty-five and at the cross-roads——
Deb did not realize the truism that even as every woman’s
life holds material for one novel, so that generic novel may
generically and with perfect application bear the title: “Cross-roads.”
She had been on the look out for the hero to her heroine,
and he had failed in the appointment. Now she was in search
for the villain to her adventuress, and it seemed at first as
though he would prove equally elusive. A series of minor
experiments left her seriously convinced that in choice of a
villain, a young girl cannot be too careful.... “He must
make it worth while——” Perhaps after all she was still on
the same old quest translated into different terms.
Meanwhile, the winter passed; and early spring woke her
slightly bilious soul to fretfulness. Her habits had slackened
to harmony with her environment of cosmopolitan bohemianism;
but whereas a bed erected in the Venetian drawing-room
and covered by day with a priceless piece of embroidery,
seemed to La llorraine all that was necessary in the way of a
tiring-room—“My dee-urr, you can use Manon’s mirror as
your own—it goes without saying——” yet Deb was not
quite happy at the general sloppiness of tea-gowns and
mysterious foreigners and rich meals at all hours—or at no
hours—Carmen for breakfast, Tosca for supper, and out-of-season
dishes in between—music-hall managers strolling in to
slap “my good llorraine” familiarly between the shoulders,
and look avariciously at Manon, who, however, a child of
mummers and motley, was interrogated with a strictness
which Deb, daughter of strictest Israel, would never for a
moment have suffered. But La llorraine knew more of her
world and was wiser in education than Ferdinand Marcus;
La llorraine, who sometimes put on enormous horn spectacles
and sat knitting by the fire; and sometimes rose up like a
prophetess and tossed a pair of desperate arms to Heaven, in
denunciation of that war which prevented return to a beloved
continent which knew something of good music; La llorraine
was equally genuine and lovable in either mood; and Deb
grew to be sincerely fond of her. But Manon was another
matter; Manon, at eighteen, held to her pose of exiled princess,
a slender figure in the vast loneliness of the drawing-room—a
lonely little heart mysteriously unsoiled by contact with
aforesaid mummers and motley. She listened charmingly
when Deb scattered ethics of rebellion; she appeared slightly
shocked when decorum demanded that she should be shocked—and
yet—and yet—for all the demureness of reproving eyelash
and “Oh, but, Deb——” in the pretty lisping accent, Deb could
not be rid of an impression that when it came to it, Manon
would go further and fare a great deal better than herself.
Manon had hitched her wagon to a fixed star, whereas it looked
as though Deb had hitched hers to a travelling circus.
“We’ve had enough of this,” exclaimed Antonia, an unexpected
visitor after a tour in the car which had lasted the whole
of February—“Not dressed yet? and it’s nearly twelve o’clock;
sluggish appetite?—no wonder, if you smoke scented cigarettes
with your coffee and eggs. Even as I prophesied!”
“Don’t be hard on me,” Deb pleaded; “I’m not entirely
dead to better things—really, Antonia. I feel the call of Spring
urging me out and out.... Let’s go to a cinema, shall
we?”
“On the contrary, we shall gird up our loins and do war-work,
my child,” grimly. “We shall speak to our mothers
and ask them what particular niche is vacant for one willing
but ignorant daughter of pleasure, and we shall send word
of the result by this evening latest. And meanwhile, we will
withdraw our plaits that writhe like blue-black serpents among
the exquisite but macabre foliage of last year’s tablecloth, and
put away the dregs of green chartreuse, and sit up and comb
ourselves out, and try to be a credit to a nation at war.”
Deb laughed and said she was quite willing to do war-work,
and had meant to enrol herself since some time, but had thought
it too late....
“Oh, I think the war may be trusted to last another month
or two.”
“I meant,” in fractious explanation, “that it always seems
to me too late to do something afterwards which one hasn’t
done before.”
“Lazy little Oriental.... You will visit my mother at
6 p.m. precisely this evening and receive your instructions,”
with which Antonia departed.
“Blair Stevenson is said to be coming back to the Foreign
Office” was the sub-conscious wriggle of motive underlying her
sincere belief that Deb would be the better for a more strenuous
existence.
For Blair Stevenson, in the Diplomatic Service, was Gillian’s
friend; Antonia liked him, appreciating to the full his supple
wit and undeniably perfect breeding; his pursuit of her was
ardent enough for her to enjoy keenly the sensation of flying ...
he never drew near, and presently the pursuit slackened;
he was sent abroad—British Resident of some West African
province; and when he returned, fell easily into place as one
of her group—an excellent occasional. Antonia was aware
that he was still on good terms with Gillian ... and that if
accidentally he met Deb there—“What does it matter?”
But the fierce desire persisted to keep the child ... pure.
The eventful climax of the meeting between Gillian and Deb
on Zoe’s doorstep, Antonia accepted quietly and almost with
relief. It had happened, and there was no more to be done—by
her at least. A week afterwards she was forced to leave
London—her Major-General was perpetually touring and
inspecting and dashing hither and thither. Deb in her letters
had spoken no further word of Gillian (Deb was afraid, as a
matter of fact, knowing Antonia’s probable state of mind), but
Gillian, in divine unconsciousness, dashed off a hasty postcard
on which “dear Deb,” struck out, was replaced by “dear
Antonia.” It was probably the only card Gillian could find
amongst the frenzied litter on a desk which Winifred ought
to have kept tidy ... but it told Antonia all she wanted to
know—all that she did not want to know: Deb and Gillian
were getting on nicely....
And now Blair was returning. For all her liking of Blair’s
society, she infinitely preferred him in Greece, where he was at
least safe from the result of Cliffe’s parties or Gillian’s introductions....
Antonia could not be for ever vigilant ...
the Major-General was beckoning once more——
And then came that sunny letter from Cliffe Kennedy
informing her of a marvellous studio party he had arranged.
“I borrowed your studio as usual, and you can have Seaview
in the summer whenever you want it. These are little eddies
of communal brotherhood that one day will unite to a surging
river that will sweep away, etc.——”
Antonia skipped a page or two till the names she sought,
dreading to find, sure to find, sprang at her from the page—“Blair
Stevenson—Deb....”
... “I had a sort of presentiment that something was
bound to happen if I brought those two together.... And
again, Antonia, my experimental nerve had twitched to some
purpose. Bet you a copy of the Omar Khayyam (I’ve got
seventy-two) that this fusion of personalities will have Results—dramatic
or beautiful or horrid.... Do come home and
join the audience—I’m so excited.”
Deb, entirely absorbed in her canteen work, had given up
scanning the horizon for the villain of the piece; so that it
was with a shock that she looked up and found him standing
quite close to her, waiting for his cue.... Almost she hoped
that he would prove not worth while.... Those nights under
the gaunt station roof, watching the restless watchers for the
leave train, watching the grimy burdened soldiers tumble with
dazed eyes out of their compartments on to the platform ... till
roused to the necessity for rapid mechanical dole of coffee
and sandwiches—wash up—start afresh—hour after hour....
These nights had become more real than the arrangement
and re-arrangement of her own temperament.
But Blair was so definitely worth while that Deb dared
not refuse him as a prospective—what? The old dream was
dead, of course ... dream of the big thing—husband who
knew of all her past idiocies, and called her a goose and laughed
at her, and understood; small sturdy boy in a dark blue jersey
and rumpled hair several shades too light for such a brown
skin.... “You are being not only sentimental, but also
futile!” she informed herself. “Next there will be pretty
fancies all about a dream-garden”—and straightway there
was the garden, at the magical hour of after-tea when the grass
looks as though it had been freshly painted, and the canterbury
bells are adrip from recent watering....
Sternly Deb removed husband, child and garden by the
dream-scruff of their dream-necks,—she sought for some
delicate means to enlighten Blair Stevenson of her willingness
to—to——
Self-communion slurred over the verbal expression of good—or
bad—intent. For it refused to present itself with more
elegance than “to go the whole hog”—and such blatant slang
did not associate itself readily with Blair’s personality.
“To fulfil my womanhood,”—but that sounded priggish.
“To tread the primrose path” was affectation. “To take a
lover” was the final selection—but still imperfect. She chose
it for the sake of the word “lover” which still hummed to her
on that deep sonorous note of wind along the wires ...
“lover.”
Meanwhile, her watchfulness lay in ambush for that splendid
flare of passion which was to be her impetus and justification.
She had a passionate temperament.... How could it be
otherwise, with those eyelids and that mouth? Men and
women alike had accused her of hot Eastern blood; insisted
upon it; warned her, laughing or in envy, of the penalties.
She accepted this established version of herself in an unquestioning
spirit.
“Child, you’d lead a man to hell!” a victim had once foretold.
Now she waited for a man to lead her to hell. She
could at least be assured that Blair Stevenson would instinctively
and unostentatiously choose quite the least travelled
and the most refined and expensive route thither. He was
that kind of man; with a reputation, but not a vulgar one,
for success with women. Deb, seeking to express crudely the
sense he aroused of having dipped to her class from that elusive
class which lies midway between the upper middle-class and
the aristocracy, told herself in confidence that he made her
feel not unlike a housemaid being took notice of by one of the
quality. Hitherto, most of the men with whom she had
come in contact, could be tabulated as solid business or professional—like
Samson or her own father; or else urged by
the prevalent rebellion to type, into the artist or vagabond
pose—like Cliffe Kennedy.
Blair Stevenson was of such excellent family that he never
mentioned his family; probably most of it was extinct, and
the rest knew better than to encircle him save at a distance.
He had travelled extensively both in cities and in the wilds,
so that he combined cosmopolitan ease with the British knack
of being able to cope with emergencies. Although he was
not much more than thirty-five, the Foreign Office had already
recognized his perfect tact and suavity, combined with knowledge
of languages, to be extremely useful to them; so that
he was accounted one of those mysterious beings “in the
know”; “behind the scenes”; one of the men who “pulled
strings.”... He had been entrusted with a rather tricky
mission to the Balkans, prior to his present leave. His natural
appendages and equipments one would assume to be a faithful
valet in his town chambers, a faithful maître d’hotel in every
capital, and a faithful mistress no one knows where; because
Stevenson, though ardent, was discreet where women were
concerned; but certainly the carriage of her head proclaimed
her exquisite breeding, and she cost him a great deal of
money....
And all this about him, speculative and positive, did not
quite convey why Deb was not always sure (metaphorically)
how to use her knives and forks in his presence. Easy to make
mistakes—tiny, silly mistakes of conduct or subtlety—and
read in his eyes a dawning recognition that she was not quite
“it” after all, or his amusement perhaps at her quaint lapses
from sophistication: “Am I an amateur compared with
what he’s accustomed to?” Then angrily: “Oh, he swanks,
and I’m a snob!” which was inaccurate. He took “form”
for granted, and she was shaky about it. Blair Stevenson
could be relied on for good manners; not so much the surface
good manners connected with the graceful opening of doors
for the lady’s exit, but the more fundamental good manners
which broke a heart as a heart would most wish to be
broken.
“I’ve waited long enough,” said Deb.
It suddenly frightened her that again she was hesitating
too long; that decision was wearing thin and threadbare with
the days.... Perhaps Blair had not realized ... it must
be puzzling for a man nowadays to differentiate between the
merely good; the frankly bad; the good trying to be bad; and
the bad resolved to be good.
“I suppose he needs what Aunt Trudchen used to call ‘a
little encouragement,’” Deb reflected.
Then by what sign could she convey to him that her intentions
were dishonourable? They had, of course, dispassionately
talked of sex, which is the weather-subject of to-day’s
men and girls.... Deb was afraid, standing on tiptoe to
the clubman and the cosmopolitan, that she might have
given an excessive impression of sophistication; and that he
was inwardly astonished, now, that she delayed to pass him
some customary code-word or countersign necessary to his
advancement. She had not the faintest idea what was
expected of her, so she essayed a semi-confidence in La llorraine.
That royal veteran of a more clear-headed period, when
courtesans were expected to know their alphabet, could not
fail to be good-humouredly contemptuous at the spectacle
of these children playing their variations of an old game with
such quaint and ponderous seriousness; and getting so very
little out of it in the way of genuine passion, genuine fun,
and ermine cloaks.
Out of the question, certainly, that Manon should join these
games. But Deb was six years older and had “made a muff
from her chances,” as Manon would never be permitted to do.
Moreover, Deb was not La llorraine’s own daughter.... So
La llorraine shrugged her shoulders, and gave her the necessary
tip.
Deb was on her way to call upon Blair Stevenson unexpectedly
at his rooms in Jermyn Street. It was a quarter
past ten in the evening, and because she had just been relieved
from duty at Victoria Station, she was wearing a long disguising
cloak over silk garments that slip on the skin with a suggestion
of suave fingers. Blair was at home—she had telephoned
during the day, and, preserving an incognito, had asked the
valet what would be the best time to telephone again? The
valet said: “I believe that ten o’clock to-night will be most
likely to find Mr Stevenson.”... Blair would realize the
significance of her visit; and—and once lifted to response,
her fatal temperament could be relied upon to do the rest.
“I’ve waited long enough. Oh, suppose I waited till nobody
wanted me any more, and then I wanted it more than anything
else....”
She leant against the door for a pause of short, quick breathing.
The neighbourhood, the steps and passages, the windows,
were all discreet good form, world of the clubman, the cosmopolitan,
the man who knows ... utterly alien world to the
forlorn little virgin, who stands, suddenly erect and stiff and
pearly-white; thumb pressed firmly on the bell-button of
No. 141B.
“It’s now....”
Queer—never before had she realized the present so vividly;
“it has been a minute ago,” “it will be the day after to-morrow” ...
but “It’s now,” as Blair, with a smile and a
subtle look, threw away his half-smoked cigar, took the half-finished
cup of coffee from her hands.
“Now—now——”
She was one pulse that beat for initiation. Her cheap
artist fancy had always decorated the temple of initiation so
heavily with incense and tiger-skins and divans and rose-leaves,
all the crude stock and properties of rapture, that the reality
of this ordinary room, big leather arm-chairs and a few prints
on the plain dark walls, and a bookcase, and several ash-trays
scattered about, this so essentially a man-room, left her disappointed.
Had she relied too much upon the trappings?
... but—Blair had taken her in his arms, now....
And still no response from that—that most damnably
sluggish temperament.
Very precisely and dispassionately she noticed for the first
time that one of his lids lay over the eye with a heavier slouch
than the other. She was pleased with the behaviour of his
face under stress of emotion ... it did not grow hot nor red
nor damp; the veins did not bulge; his breath was under
control. She had been right in her selection of Blair Stevenson—but—but——
The ungrateful temperament, which she had provided with
the best advantages, was failing her utterly....
She kissed his exacting lips with as much of faked ecstasy
as she could coax to her aid, and then wondered, supposing
she laughed,—the word ecstasy always made her want to
laugh—if that indecorum could be passed off as further ecstasy?
And all this time she did Stevenson the injustice of believing
him imperceptive.
“Deb ... my dear....”
He had from the beginning philosophically summed her up
as incapable of extremes. But it was not as though he were
dependent.... He did not love Deb; he was a little bit
in love with her; and she was elfish, delicate, captivating,
freshly surprising at each encounter, like in June the first
strawberry whose unremembered flavour one has taken for
granted through the winter months. Yes, she was charming.
And he was wrong in his estimate of her. After all, she had
come to him——
One tiny gesture of his—and Deb’s histrionics lay shattered
like a wave into foam....
“No ... no ... no—not now.... Oh, please!”
A moment later, and Blair said, from the other end of the
room: “There was no need for that ‘please,’ dear. The
first ‘no’ would have been enough.”
She lay angrily sobbing, hair not even disordered, her drapings
of pale ninon shamefully untumbled. The desperate encounter
had yielded her one scrap of self-knowledge—nothing else:
That she was not in the least passionate by nature, and that
only love could raise her nature to passion; that she had been
misled all her life by a mere illusion deduced by herself and
others from her face and her way of moving, and her recklessness
of speech and her Jewish pliability.... To her mother
who was a Gentile, was due this slight chilliness, blown like
a hoar-frost over what might otherwise have been an exotic
blossoming.
And the man by the window murmured: “‘To play at
half a love with half a lover,’ ... is that what you wanted,
child, and couldn’t express? I didn’t understand. Well——”
He crossed again to the couch and stood looking down upon
her, hands clasped behind his back, mouth bent to a whimsical
smile—“Well—It’s not too late, is it?”
For that explanation both solved the enigma of her visit,
and coincided with his former conception of her. The surprise
had been her acquiescence, not her rebuff.
She looked up at him pitifully, and shook her head....
His mouth grew hard: if not mistress, nor demi-maid, then
what did she expect he would make of her? Surely she could
not be hoping.... Blair Stevenson’s wife, if ever materialized
from wraithdom, would not be the sort of girl who came to
his rooms alone at 10.15 p.m. Nor would his mistress—she
not at all a wraith—plead to leave them again after a
futile half-hour of compromise. No, Deb (and he still thought
her charming) was qualified not for chastity nor for fierce
desire.... What did she want of him?
Her intuition leapt to what was passing in his mind; and
in stinging agony that he should behold in her a huntress for
a likely husband, she said quickly—“I did—I did want to
play—only to play. But—you frightened me....”
“Forget that. I’m getting old and dense. And all men
try ... once, you know. But it’s all right, Deb....”
It was all right—now; at the demi-price of her demi-virtue,
she had saved at least that tattered beggar-maid she still
called her pride. “I believe you thought I had come with
a matrimonial lasso coiled up in my hand,” she taunted him.
And Blair was deceived, for all his penetration. How was
he to know, indeed, that daringly as she had repudiated his
suspicion, in a little backwater of thought trembled still an
eddy from old times and old traditions: “It—would—have—been—rather
nice ... to marry him....” But you have
just proved you are not in love with him. “Oh—that kind
of thing—wouldn’t matter. I believe it would grow of itself
... if he were looking after me.” Her set smile curved into
real merriment as it struck her how Samson would approve
of these sentiments. Perhaps she and Samson were kindred
souls, after all!
But Samson would most certainly not have approved of
her present abandonment to a demi-lover. She lay with an
apathetic hand straying over his hair and eyebrows, wondering
a little at the hard cheek pressed close to hers, wondering a
little ... how soon she could say it was time to go, whether
there were any letters waiting for her at home, if that pale
young lance-corporal who had fainted as she put the coffee-cup
into his hands, had recovered yet; wondering a little, as
Blair shifted their positions, and drew her head down to where
his shirt opened on to his heart—Did Blair really enjoy this?
ought she not to say she was uncomfortable and had a crick
in her neck? Whether she were now what is called a sinner?—pêcheresse
in French ... or was it pécheuse? one of them
meant the “fisherman’s wife”—she remembered that from
school—yes, pêcheuse, surely—they were taught to tell the
difference by the resemblance of the circumflex to the roof of the
fisherman’s hut. The other has an accent aigü—but Deb had
never been quite able to disentangle a vague notion that a
fisherman’s wife was also a sinner. Pêcheuse—pécheresse....
She wondered anew if that monstrosity on the wall opposite
were a Hogarth? if her watch would be mended by to-morrow,
as the man at the shop had faithfully promised?...
“Are you happy, you small white Deb?”
She sighed “Yes....”
“You must come to me often now we understand each
other....”
And again: “Yes ... often....”
CHAPTER II — I
Antonia stood in the empty room in Bayswater, reading a
scrawl of explanation which Gillian had left behind for her on
the dusty mantelpiece. The floor was littered with bits of
straw and string, a broken teacup, some torn-up MSS., an old
stocking and a tin of Bluebell polish ... her foot struck against
the latter, and it rolled towards the tin fender and stopped
with a forlorn clank....
“My dear—I’ve decided to go and live with Theo—why
not? You’ll find me here if you come this afternoon, 54
Middle Inn Gardens. I’m leaving behind a bottle of Elliman’s
Embrocation, because I haven’t room for it. Bring it along,
and anything else you see lying about. Yours, Jill.”
“So she’s done it at last.” Slowly Antonia left the house,
came back for the Embrocation, could not find it, and went on
to Middle Inn Square with the Bluebell polish as a substitute.
With an air more than ever slim and defiant and passion-free,
she swung into Gillian’s presence——
“Jill!”
“It was—this—or sharing him with fifty others,” the culprit
explained coolly. She did not look in the least like the famous
bacteriologist, as she sat astride a wooden packing-case, tugging
with giant pincers at a refractory nail; hair rakish from the
frequent tumbling of her fingers; eyes two greenish slits of
roguery; cigarette tilted well upwards from the corner of her
mouth. She did not look like a heroine of passion either....
Her blouse was open and her sleeves rolled up, and her short
navy-blue skirt was smeared with white where she had leant
against some wet paint.
“You can help me unpack while you disapprove. That
lazy little cat Winnie has gone off to spend the day with
Camellia.”
“Winnie? She’s still with you?”
“My dear, what was I to do with her? I couldn’t send her
home again just because of a whim of mine. It wouldn’t be
fair. She isn’t happy at home——”
Antonia sat down helplessly. “A year ago Deb gets turned
out of home, plus an income. Now you elope, plus Winifred
Potter. You’re a pair to make any friend of yours
hysterical....”
“A little more, and I’d have despatched Winifred labelled
right-side-up as a farewell present to you,” Gillian retorted
grimly. “But she’ll do for Theo to flirt with in his lighter
moments.”
“Theo’s are mostly lighter moments, aren’t they? Jill,
I wouldn’t have minded the sacrifice; I wouldn’t have said
a single word ... if he’d been worthy.” She was ice-white
with the conviction of his unworthiness.
Gillian said nothing for a minute or two. She still sat bent
over the packing-case, one leg on either side of it, wrenching
at the wood. Then: “Much need for sacrifice with a man
who’s worthy!”
“Then you admit he isn’t?” Antonia sprang up. “Oh,
Gillian, if you must try a theory——”
“Theory? Good Lord! Nothing of that sort. It’s just
that Theo isn’t big enough or good enough, if you like, to remain
faithful and decent and honourable to a woman who’s only his
spiritual love. Why pretend?—we all know what Theo is!”
she shrugged her thin shoulders and flashed a wide smile up
at her friend—“He’s clever—with a sort of malicious
destructive cleverness. Otherwise just an amorous gutter-snipe,
who can’t resist anything of the other sex—a Zoe in
male. His reputation is a joke—I’ve heard scores of people
chuckling over the latest Theo Pandos story.”
“You know this—and still——”
“I know it—and because. He won’t do without the others—but
he can’t do without me. Look here, you blooming
Artemis, I justify myself to you just this once and never again.
Understand this. That little rotter is my ... completion,
if you like; the answer to my special quantity of X. It’s a
pity, I’m sure, that it didn’t happen to be someone grand and
distinguished and austere, who’d spend all day long renouncing
me, and all night long being nobly glad that he did so.
Can you see Theo being glad he’s renounced anyone, ever?”
again the swift joyous grin.... Antonia could not help
returning it.
“Theo’s got a wife, I believe?”
“Oh, curse her, yes. A Spanish Catholic who won’t divorce
him. A dark flashing thing who looks all passion and Carmen
and castanets. She’s no earthly use to him.”
“Gillian, you’re a thoroughly immoral creature!”
“I’m not going to be one of a crowd. ’Tisn’t good for the
self-respect. And it isn’t good for Theo—Oh, I’ve no illusions
about my young man.... It amounts to this—I’m fed up
with the type of woman who can’t sling sex out of her mind.
The mind isn’t the proper place for sex. I want my mind for
my work. Enforced virginity, not chosen, mind you, but
enforced, is unbalancing; it hangs about and takes up more
room than it ought to.... My work has got to come to
fruition sooner or later ... and all this has got to be cleared
out of the way, somehow, first. Theo is thoroughly unsuitable,
he’s younger than I am, he’s married, he’s fast and horrid ...
granted!—but Theo is a factor that can’t be slung out. So
he’s got to stay—with as little fuss as possible. I thought
about it all hard, and when last night I’d decided, I packed,
and I came. Poor old Theo ...” and she chuckled softly as
at some memory of the preceding evening—but her brows were
contracted with pain.
“Wasn’t he terrifically glad, at least?”
“Oh—glad enough. But just last night ... it was—awkward.
I ought to have ’phoned him beforehand—See?
Antonia, you’re shrinking like bad material in the wash!”
“Bad material perhaps—but not in the wash ... at the
present moment!”
“Cue for a wince from the fallen woman! Frankly, are my
affairs as unsavoury as all that?”
“Not you, Jill. Never you, but Theo. He’s your demon.”
“Not much demon about him when he hung from the left
foot on to the right at his front door last night, and I sat
demurely on my trunk outside.... If the Bacteriological
Society could have seen me—I’m lecturing there next week!
I’m what Theo had been waiting and longing for since three
and a half years, and coming just then—for once even he wasn’t
able to carry it off. Zoe would have chucked the incubus
through a door, or into a cupboard, or under the bed, and
turned up smiling—Theo just stood staring at me with the
tears streaming down his face.... My beloved little cad!...
So I went home again, and returned this morning—Antonia,
you’re not to look like that!” in a spasm of fury.
“Didn’t I know he’d get rid of her not ten minutes after I
left....”
“Oh, I suppose he said he had,” scornfully.
Gillian raged more. “You’d have sheered off and never
looked at him again. ‘For better, for worse’ ... Without
the marriage service read over me, I can keep to it as well as
any of you. It’s Theo as he is—not Theo transformed by
Maskelyne and Devant into a young bride’s dream. We shall
live together quite openly; of course, without any blaze of
trumpets—but concealment means a flurry again, and a furtive
askew-over-your-shoulder look that I don’t approve of. Thank
goodness, my private life, as I choose to hack it out, can’t
interfere with my especial career. If I’d been a doctor, as I
intended——”
“Then you would have had to give up Theo.”
“I’ve just spent twenty minutes patiently explaining—I
s’pose you weren’t listening—that if I gave up Theo, he’d take
up far too much of my time and thought and vitality and
saneness. To live with him is the only way of getting rid of
him—mentally.”
“It’s such a twisted, new-fashioned way of arguing.”
“New-fashioned? because I want my man in my home—”
for an instant Gillian was wrapped in swift strong beauty.
“And—my child, too?”
“No,” softly. “Not that. One is just decent enough, I
hope, to consider the possible preference of the child to remain
unborn—Hullo, Theo!” as that gentleman stood on the
threshold of a room demoralized by Gillian’s advent to an
imitation of a charity bazaar after three days’ vending.
“We have all heard of the magic womanly touch which brings
divine order into a bachelor’s dreary untidy chambers,” he
pattered impudently. “But the reality is beyond all expectation.
For pity’s sake, Gillian, let us go to a hotel for the
rest of our lives. What have you done with my poor Silvester?”
“Your valet, adoring me with every breath he draws, has
gone out to pick some wild flowers for me to arrange on our
dinner table.... You shall have your Patmore angel-in-the-house
all right! Going, Antonia?”
“Miss Verity is hating me too much for perfect comfort,”
murmured Pandos with humorous resignation.
She flashed him back look for look, and went out.
... Then the man crossed the room and knelt beside the
packing-case and thrust his head in Gillian’s lap ... his dark
sloe eyes worshipped her; his nerves, of matted vibrating wires,
were lulled to perfect rest—perfect content.... No strain
between these two, of pretence or concealment or fear—Gillian
had taken him for what he was.
CHAPTER III — I — II — III — IV
“If it gets any hotter, I shall be found melted down in one of
my own crucibles,” Gillian wailed, to the accidental party of
Deb, Nell and Antonia, who had flopped in to see her after a
succession of stifling days at the latter end of July.
Antonia was temporarily freed from service by an attack of
malaria on the part of her General. And Deb explained that
since a couple of weeks Nell was working as her fag at the
station canteen whence they had just come.
“Winifred, I wish you’d try for all our sakes to get a little
thinner; the mere sight of you in weather like this is trying—especially
since you spell your name with such a lot of extra
letters.”
“Why, what difference can that make?” from Winnie, quite
happy on the divan.
Gillian demanded sympathy from the company: “It’s
that Camellia woman puts morbid ideas into her head. She’s
told her that Winifred is a degeneration of a beautiful old
Saxon name, and we’re gradually Saxonizing it back again to
its original condition. We spell it W y n n e f r w d d e now.”
“It’s unrecognizable,” Deb laughed. “I’ll take to the divan
on the strength of it.... I’m exhausted—we had an awful
hustle up at the canteen.” She carelessly rolled the astonished
Winifred on to the floor, and took her place among Theo’s
treasured purple and peacock cushions—“Don’t you know,
Winnie, that if we were in Germany, you, as an unimportant
spinster, would have no right at all to the sofa, which is strictly
reserved for the matron?”
“Well, but you’re not married either,” the victim of the
evacuation argued slowly. “We none of us are except Gillian,
and she isn’t really.”
Gillian twinkled across at Deb: “Well, how would the
Germans cope with the problem of somebody who isn’t married
really? Would they give me the sofa?”
“They’d give you the boot; and me too. There are no
fine semi-shades abroad. A girl is good till she is slightly
bad, and then she’s accepted as completely bad and damned
everlastingly. Here, a girl can be badder and badder, if she
doesn’t break the last rule of all—and then be accepted as
completely good again at any time she wants to—like Manon.
She’s engaged to Dolph Carew, you know. He’s been left pots
of money by his uncle....”
Antonia said contemptuously: “Manon is the epitome of
the saying; ‘If you can’t be good, be careful!’ She’s been
careful and she’s got her reward....”
“And she’s enjoyed her nineteen years into the bargain.
But maidenhood has a market value, and Manon has known
that from the cradle. Not from La llorraine; she’s no ready
reckoner—much too generous.”
Gillian asked: “Carew has been married before, hasn’t he?
What was his first wife like?”
And Antonia and Deb exchanged a long glance. Then the
latter spoke softly. “Jenny was good—but not careful....
I’ve been thinking about her rather a lot, lately....”
“She was too good by a thousand miles to be Manon’s
predecessor,” murmured Antonia.
Gillian, suddenly standing up, flung away her jersey, revealing
only a camisole beneath. Then she unfastened the safety-pin
that clipped her skirt together. “That’s better. I believe
scraggy people feel the heat more than fat ones—I do really.
It seems to get so quickly at our bones and grill them. Which
is hotter, sizzled flesh or grilled bones? Winnie, I appeal to
you?”
“I was just wondering....” Winnie began, as usual ten
minutes behind in the conversation—“What Deb meant
by——”
A violent peal at the bell stopped her.
“I can’t be bothered to dress all over again for that. Answer
it, Deb!”
“Let me,” pleaded Nell. She had been lumped on the floor,
somewhere near Gillian’s feet, gazing steadily upwards at that
young woman’s face. Now, in an agony lest someone not
herself should have this chance of doing a service to her goddess,
she scrambled up, threw a look of fierce dark reproach in Deb’s
direction, and rushed to the front door, colliding with Silvester’s
dignified progress through the hall.
“Oh——” they heard Nell’s affrighted gasp, “do forgive
me—I—I—didn’t know!”
“Lord,” whispered Gillian—“I forgot we have a staff. I’m
always forgetting. Poor Nell, this is enough to put her out of
gear for a fortnight——”
“It doesn’t matter at all, Miss,” graciously from the valet.
“Not a bit—I mean thanks awfully,” Nell’s assent came in
a gasping torrent. Then she darted back into the room, back
to her place on the rug, and sat glowering. Nobody dared
speak....
It had been several months before Nell would consent at all
to meet the illustrious Gillian Sherwood: “She won’t want to
meet me—I’m too stupid—I shall hate her—I hate people who
ask me questions....”
“But why should she ask you questions, for goodness sake?”
Deb had retorted, exasperated. “She’s not a County Council
examiner.”
“She will, I know she will. She knows all sorts of brilliant
people and she discovers diseases for the papers, so she can’t
want me so dreadfully badly.”
“But people needn’t want each other dreadfully badly to
just meet in the ordinary way.”
“I hate meeting anyone in the ordinary way,” perversely.
And Antonia, who was present, had laughed, and told Deb
to leave the shy baby alone. So that it was a shock of astonishment
to Antonia when Gillian, after a recent accidental
encounter, was straightway enthroned as Nell’s deity....
“She’s a sweet kid, but she wrings one dry,” was the deity’s
confidential version to Deb. “She writes to me every day,
long unpunctuated letters all about whether certain people
make you feel certain feelings, and other feelings make you see
certain colours, and certain people make you see red....
And then she comes to see me, and says ‘I didn’t want to come
really—You didn’t want me, did you?’ And I have to be
hectic——”
“And she says: ‘Yes, but you don’t say that as if it was
real,’” Deb guessed.
“Oh, Deb, what shall I do with her? One can almost love
the child and one wouldn’t hurt her for worlds, but we sit in
long heavy muffled impenetrable silences like slow sinking
into a feather bed ... and then she shoots out at me ‘You’re
different to-day somehow, aren’t you?’ And I guiltily try
to be the same, but I don’t know what to be the same as.
And I get a swift brown look and: ‘What are you thinking
of?’—When ten to one I’m not thinking of anything worth
while—well, I mean nothing she’d like me to be thinking of.
So I say, ‘One can’t always tell one’s thoughts and feelings,
can one?’ ‘No—but one would like to, wouldn’t one? At
least I suppose mine aren’t up to much.... But I
wonder——’”
“And you say ‘What?’ and she says ‘Nothing’—and then
it begins all over again. I’m sorry, Jill; I let you in for this.”
“Don’t blame yourself. She saps my strength rather, but
I’m fond of young Nell, and she’s lovely to look at—as Timothy
Fawcett seems to have found out.”
“They never get any forrarder though, do they?”
“Bless him—and bless them both. They can afford to
waste three or four years in being shy. Theo and I did.”
Deb laughed outright at the comparison of the two wooings....
“I wonder——”
“What?”
“Nothing!”
“You’re as bad as Nell!”
But Deb was wondering what effect Gillian’s pioneer boldness
might have on the psychology of her disciple.
Nell sat glowering ... and the other three girls were sympathetically
silent, listening the while to Zoe’s voice hailing
Silvester as “Bob” and eagerly enlightening him as to the
adventures and whereabouts of a certain “Guiseppi” who was
evidently an intimate acquaintance of a mutual past....
“She’s the Socialist in sex par excellence,” murmured
Gillian, “a reproof to all us snobs....” And then Zoe
bubbled into the room.
“Gillian, isn’t it too funny for words, I used to know your
man quite well—at least I suppose he’s your husband’s man—at
least I suppose he isn’t your husband—but that isn’t what
I came to tell you....”
“Anyway, I was aware of it already,” Gillian laughed.
“What—about Pinto? My dear, how could you be—unless,
of course, Cliffe told Antonia, and she told you? You
know, Antonia, I never like to say anything and I’m very
fond of Cliffe, but I do think he talks too much.... You
remember that evening when Pinto went mad in my flat last
year?”
“Will I ever forget it? and will your brother ever forget it,
Deb? and will Captain Braithwaite and Mr Sam Wright and
the little Belgian corporal ever forget it? Oh, and the macaroni
merchant from round the corner—he had most cause to remember
it, hadn’t he? Did he ever get damages, by the
way?
“Well, you can say what you like, Antonia, but though I
was very angry with Pinto for the moment, I do honestly
think he was perfectly right—in his own way. And I must
say, I do like a man to assert himself. I mean, it’s a sort of
test, isn’t it, Gillian, how much he really respects you, if it
annoys him to find your room full of other men? especially—but
that was what I was going to tell you.” She unpinned the
veil from her slanting sailor hat and adjusted the belt of her
trim jacket ... pulled forward a kiss-curl or two, dumped
Quelle Vie into Nell’s lap, whipped out some lurid red lip-salve
and delicately outlined the curves of her mouth, and spun a
provocative glance downwards at her flaunted silk ankles, as
though they were another’s, and she coveted them.
“Never mind all that, Zoe—Theo won’t be in for ages. Tell
us your news first.”
Zoe opened her eyes. “Well, I must say, Jill, it’s not like
you to be spiteful. No, it isn’t, and I’m disappointed. If
Deb had made that remark, I wouldn’t have been....”
“Thanks,” from a drowsy but grateful Deb on the divan.
While Gillian, in whose wide frankness had lurked not a germ
of spite, gazed helplessly at the ruffled little soubrette; and
then, suddenly understanding, apologized.
Zoe kissed her. “All right, dear. ‘The mind knoweth not
its own cattiness.’ Well, about Pinto——”
She described at length how a very contrite Pinto had
yesterday turned up at the flat, tendering his usual olive-branch—a
jar of olives—with the explanation of the occasion
when he had overheard, in a café in Paris, two subalterns
discussing his fiancée by name, over a letter presumably from
Cliffe, containing the advice to think about her no more, for
she was being kept by a man with the face of an orang-outang
and the temper of a Patagonian savage....
“And I do think it’s the most pathetic thing I’ve ever heard,
don’t you, Antonia?—that the poor darling never recognized
himself, but thought I was being untrue to him with another
man while he was away. Yes, I really do think it justifies his
annoyance that time.... I like a man to have a spirit of his
own, whatever you may say. And now he’s at last had it out
with Cliffe, and we’re engaged again, and I’ve promised him
all sorts of things, I forget what——”
“I’d try and remember, if I were you. One of them might
be important.”
“Deb, you’ve got a perfectly horrid mind.... I’ve
promised him, of course, not to answer advertisements in the
“Vie Parisienne,” nor to accept wine—little things like that.
And I think he’s right, in a way, don’t you?—because one
never knows what may happen—though I do think Cliffe
ought to think twice before he gossips about being ‘kept,’
because it’s not a nice thing to say about one’s friends, is it?
I wonder if I shall ever meet those two subalterns—wouldn’t
you say they must have seen me somehow, and been rather
smitten, for Cliffe to write like that and warn them off? But
it was a funny coincidence, wasn’t it, that Pinto should just
have been sitting at the same time in the same café, so near
their table? And I believe, though he didn’t say so, that one
of them was that perfectly dear lamb, Timothy Fawcett.”
Antonia, to spare Nell’s obvious confusion, asked: “Are
you going to marry Pinto at last?”
“Good heavens, no! Marry a man with a temper like
that? Quelle vie!—no, I wasn’t talking to you, love!” as
the spaniel sat up and barked. “But I’m used to being engaged
to Pinto, and one misses it—besides, it’s a sort of protection
now I’m at the War Office. My dears, just listen....”
They listened for about twenty minutes. And then Gillian
said she might as well be suitably employed during the entertainment;
and darted into the adjoining bedroom, whence
she returned with an enormous pile of snowy but ragged underclothing
and a cigar-box full of cottons.
And then even Zoe was silent and attentive before the
spectacle of Gillian sewing. She had no scissors and no thimble,
so she jabbed the needle on her knee to prick it through the
more resisting portions of material or lace, and left a length
of thread hanging or else pulled at it—and pulled out the
previous ten minutes’ toil. She held her needle poised over
an exquisite bit of embroidery, like a spade over a potato
allotment—and then dug at it with grim energy. And she
sighed and she swore and she struggled, and assaulted the
tatters of fine lawn and crêpe-de-chine, till Antonia was moved
to exclaim: “And these are the fingers that are noted for the
most delicate experimental work in the entire Institute——”
Gillian spread out and ruefully surveyed the ten pricked and
discoloured victims of her combined career as a woman and
a professor of scientific research.
“One can’t always be getting fresh underwear. It’s such
a fag. These were very expensive when I bought them; it’s
not so long ago—but I can never feel I’m in harmony with
this sort of work. It’s got to be done, though,” and she thrust
the eye of the needle anew towards the thread poised in her
other hand.
Nell had been taught by her mother to sew beautifully, and
sat wishing bashfully she had the courage to tender her gift
at Gillian’s shrine. She was, however, unable to articulate
her ardent desire; and Winnie, whose plain purport in the
house was solely to spare Gillian the present endurances, sat
likewise passively watching the warfare in which the animate
seemed likely to be defeated by the inanimate; advising at
last: “Try holding them a different way, Jill. No, not the
needle—them”
“Like this?” Gillian made an awkward bunch of the material
in her fist. “But it feels all wrong now.”
“Better give it up, Jill—throw it over to Winnie, she’ll do
it for you.”
Winifred disregarded the hint. And Nell opened impulsive
lips, made a sound in her throat, and thickened again to silence.
“I won’t give up”—putting in stitches that were like a
giant straddling from one edge of the rent to the other. “It’s a
nuisance, but I’ve got to learn,” ferociously obstinate.
“Cleanliness is next to ungodliness,” Antonia discovered
with her aloof air of mingled amusement and disdain.
“Oh, cleanliness matters even in one’s godly days. And
softness. But when it comes to wheat-coloured or pale lilac
ribbons drawn through, and the cling of faint scent and embroidered
butterflies put on over the heart,—well, I do consider
Theo’s extras take up rather a lot of time.” And Gillian
added with mournful honesty: “I never used to mind a hole
or two!”
Winnie put in: “It doesn’t matter in places that don’t
show....”
“You never can be sure, though, can you, Winnie?” Deb
teased her.
“Of course you can.”
“Winnie, are all your flirtations strictly spiritual?”
“Don’t be silly. One doesn’t flirt with men who can’t
behave.”
“Even the best behaved of men are liable to be carried away
by their feelings.”
Deb was naughtily poking up that layer of suburban respectability
which was spread just underneath Winnie’s ordinary
girlish tendency for what she termed “larking about.”
“A nice girl can always keep them in order,” complacently.
“I’m sure I’m fond enough of a bit of fun, nobody can call me
a prude, but I always make a rule ‘so far and no further.’”
Deb and Zoe joyously hurled themselves on the phrase:
“How far is so far?—that’s just it! define the limits of virtue,
Winnie. How far before they mayn’t go any further?”
And in spite of Winifred’s indignant dodges and subterfuges,
they succeeded in pinning her down at last to a hesitant
declaration of principle. She affirmed that the parts which
civilized raiment left exposed were for caresses—no harm in
that: the face, the V of the neck, the arms below the elbow,
hands and wrists....
“And anything beyond is violation of neutral territory?”
Winnie wriggled ambiguously. “Of course, as soon as a
fellow starts pulling you about, you know.”
“Know what?”
“What he’s after.”
“What is he after?” Deb’s voice was the perfection of
innocent inquiry.
“Oh, I don’t know.... You do worry, Deb. I’ve got
along all right till now.” Winnie’s eyes were very round and
puzzled. For the code of her class was not for analysis; a
jumble of puritanism and prejudice and incurious sensuality.
“But of course one has got to put a stop to it somewhere;
mother wanted me to have a good time, and never bothered
me much, but she did say that a chap, when he marries a girl,
likes to feel that he’s the first.... Mother’d be shocked at
you, Deb, I really do believe you’ve let a fellow”—her voice
died away. And Deb said quickly, with averted head: “You
believe I’d let a fellow go so far—and further, is that it?”
“I don’t know what you mean by ‘further’” Winifred
retorted, pestered into a desire to get some of her own back.
“You’re so close about your love-affairs.”
“Winnie, there was a time when I was a pure young girl,
like you are now ... and then something happened ...
in my life ... and I’ve never been the same since, Winifred.
I wonder if you’d understand if I told you.”
“Oh, do!” gasped Winnie, her prudery delightedly offering
itself to be shocked.
Zoe’s voice was heard in the distance shrilling a duet of
deathless memories with Silvester in the pantry.
“You couldn’t do it if she were in the room—she wouldn’t
give you the chance,” Gillian said, letting her lingerie fall from
her lap in despair. “But as it is, Deb, I officially invite you
to tell Winnie the Unofficial Story of your Life—it may widen
her outlook.... We’ll keep quite still, Antonia, Nell and
I.”
Deb began, hands clasped behind her head, eyes contracted
as in dreamy contemplation of small figures specking a curly,
dusty road:
“For the moment I can only remember John Thorpe and
his mother’s ear-trumpet. I was wildly infatuated with
John Thorpe, so I used to ingratiate myself with his mother
through her ear-trumpet. Not many people in the hotel would
bother with that ear-trumpet, but I thought it was a short cut
to Paradise.... Once I heard him bellowing to her in the
strictest confidence that Ellaline had accepted him the night
before. And I had to go on ingratiating myself down the ear-trumpet,
because he and everybody would have noticed it if
I’d suddenly left off. One has one’s pride.... At the end
of eleven days my throat was as sore as my soul ... so I
went to Germany on a visit and the war broke out....
“And that was for me the dawn of love....
“I can’t keep to any chronological order, of course.
“The next thing that stands out is three minutes—well, it
can hardly have been that. I’d gone to bed with a headache—not
a very bad one; and when I heard Phil’s voice in the
hall—he’d motored over with a party—I wished I hadn’t
pretended it was too bad to stay up. I heard him say:
‘Where’s my wife?’—he always called me his wife.... They
answered laughing, ‘first floor, second door on the right’—the
thud of his feet on the stairs. Then he was on the bed and had
me and the quilt and the pillow all swept up and smothered
up together in his arms.... I was simply dazed with his
kisses—and with the hot tingling feel of his hands. He rushed
downstairs again and I heard him explaining lightly to the
others that he’d popped in his head at the door. He went
abroad a little while after....
“And I sometimes think that was for me the dawn of love.”
“You let him come into your bedroom?” panted Winnie.
“You let a strange fellow sit—on—your—bed?”
Deb went on as though she had not heard.
“When Louis Halliwell—yes, the music-hall song-and-patter
star—motored me to the Kingston Empire that night
of nights——”
“The same night?” from Winnie, incredulously.
“Six years before—he promised me I should see life from
behind the scenes. He kept his promise. I spent the evening
in his dressing-room, watched him make up, heard him chaff
with the other ‘turns’ who drifted in and out. He drove me
round to the digs of the Twin Acrobats, after the show, and
they filled up a tumbler with port, and he told me in a whisper
it was expected of bohemian palliness I should toss it off....
So I was half asleep coming home in the car, but I just remember
he put my arm at the back of his waist and said it helped
him drive if I kept it there. So I kept it there. On the
doorstep he put his hands on my shoulders and said ringingly:
“You’re one of us now, Deb!”—and kissed me, once, on the
middle of my mouth....
“That kiss was, for me, the dawn of love.”
Winifred was so congealed to a solid state of astonishment,
that when she said “Not again?” it sounded quite calm.
“For cherry jam I’d do anything. That must be my excuse.
For when Colville came back to me, married, and said I’d been
his ideal on and off for seven years, and perhaps his wife would
die, although he had a tendency to appendicitis, I thought I’d
better discourage him. If he had died in my arms, Gillian,
and there’d been an inquest, she couldn’t have divorced him
any more, could she? But she might have got a Decree of
the High Courts to haul in the cherry jam supposing he’d
made a will in my favour. Colville said: ‘I paid 4s. 3d. a
pound for it, Deb. I don’t mind paying for what I want
most....’ He looked meaning, and I looked far-away and
said: ‘There’s—somebody—else—now. There wouldn’t have
been if you’d come last Tuesday.” He groaned and asked me
for a glove—as if one spoils a pair these days! So I laid
my cheek for a brief-fleeting-space-of-time against the back of
his hand, instead. It did just as well—but I do think he might
have sent me a pot of the jam. But he said he couldn’t get
any out of the cellar without her seeing, even in a shrimping-net.
He said he had thirty-seven pounds of it in the cellar.
“And that was, for me, the dawn of love....”
Deb sighed.
“Pass over Padraic, the Sorrowful Celt, who used to keen
and croon and lilt and lament rhythmically over the misery
which would surely be my lot, till I felt like my own corpse
privileged to attend my own wake. He would tell me long
melancholy Irish stories about his long melancholy Irish
friends, and they all sounded to me the same friend,” Deb’s
voice rose and fell with the cadences of waves on the shore—“till
at the very last, did I not hear myself fading to unreality
as a legend of Eire, long and melancholy, re-told by
him in the future to other friends, who would also become
legends, who would all become the same harrowing, hopeless
legend....
“‘But,’ he said—‘if I could only look up and look across
the room, Rosaleen——’”
“Who was Rosaleen?”
“Me,” briefly. “‘As I sit mourning o’ nights solitary at
my window—if I could only look up and see yourself in the
doorway, grave as Mary among the lilies—in your simple white
shift, Rosaleen....’”
“What’s a shift?” Winnie was galvanized anew by
curiosity.
“An animal only to be found in Ireland. The skin of the
shift is used for coats....”
“But why did he want you to come to his room in a white
fur coat?” completely mystified.
“Men do,” Deb explained lightly. “There was Monna
Vanna, you know....”
“And you went? Well, you are! What did he do?”
her appetite was growing by what Deb gave it to feed upon.
Scornful of her expectation, and without removing her eyes
from that visionary road specked by the little black figures of
men, Deb answered her: “He smiled mournfully, without
moving from where he sat solitary at his window, and
murmured: ‘This does not make a man feel good,
Rosaleen——’
“Perhaps those words were, for me, the dawn of love. Perhaps—who
knows....”
“But what happened?” goggled Winnie.
“The landlord came in with the watering-pot,” Deb snubbed
her, brutally. “And we all played French rounders together.”
“Memoirs of a Courtesan, by Lewis Carroll. Deb, I don’t
think Winnie can stand many more dawns.”
“Olaf was romantic. Olaf was fair and blue-eyed and white
of skin, and just twenty; and he came from the northern
forests of Sweden. Nothing was too stock sentimental for
him.... When I set out to gather roses in a basket from my
garden before breakfast, he followed me about saying how
beautiful it was to see me gather roses in a basket from my
garden before breakfast.... He dreamt of a day when he
should be standing in the doorway of his hut among the snow,
carelessly rubbing up his ski and shielding his eyes from the
Aurora Borealis, and I, a weary little dark-haired princess
dressed all in white——”
“That shift might come in useful again.”
“—Would come plodding towards him through the storm
like—like a weary little dark-haired princess. Then I told
him what I really looked like in really cold weather.... And
so his dawn of love was shattered in the bud——”
Antonia groaned at the metaphor. And Deb, who was
getting tired, even of the expression in Winifred’s eyes, grew
ever briefer and more inconsequent in her memoirs.
“Tremayne said quickly: ‘You can trust me, Deb—You
needn’t be afraid....’ And then looked like a sulky steamroller
when I cried back, ‘I’m not afraid ... I’m hurt!’—And
I told him he ought to take a few lessons in comparative
anatomy—and then he sulked again. What is comparative
anatomy, Jill? Would it mean comparing one girl with
another, in his case? Anyhow he’s not as deft as that dear old
coachman who was sixty-four and wanted me to come out with
him to Canada and make a fresh start with him there. But
he’d always driven the Brighton coaches, so I was sure he’d
feel the change and I wouldn’t be able to make up to him for
it.... He was just a year younger than Grandfather
Mackenzie, whom I’d always snuggled up to and curled my
little hand confidingly in his big shaggy paw. That was before
I learnt that sixty-four was no age at all, though his wife had
looked at me queerly once or twice ... and when I met
Etienne Dalison at their garden-party, and grandfather said:
‘Is he your fairy prince?’ I laughed saucily up at his
whiskers: ‘Why not?’ ‘Because I want you all to myself,’
and jumped at me—Lord! how I ran!
“Etienne Dalison was the velvet hand inside the iron glove—and
he never forgot it. ‘Certainly you may go,’ with a sort
of deadly quiet. That was in his house at midnight—or it
might have been a quarter to eleven. ‘Is it likely I would
detain you?’ And courteously and quietly he helped me on
with my cloak the instant I requested it. That was his quiet
courtesy....
“And he opened the door for me, and quietly stood aside to
let me pass, saying quietly: ‘You will telephone when you are
ready.’ He knew I would.
“And I didn’t.
“He did, though. He rang up twice, just to make sure that
I understood his silence was a tense controlled silence, the silence
of quiet strength ... it would have been too terrible for
words if I had thought it just ordinary silence!
“But he had an awfully voluptuous house; æsthetic and
luxurious and barbaric—you know the style—all mosaics and
art treasures and rose-leaves floating in the blood-red finger-bowls,
and silken hangings and richly crocheted antimacassars,
and Moorish fretwork and poker-work ... oh, I
forget what else. An invisible flutist or a lutist during
meals to whip up your senses like cream ... and an inner
apartment with Louis the sixteenth’s own bed standing encanopied
in gold on an ivory platform, and an expensive little
negligée thrown lightly for your use across the towel-horse, in
case love dawns——”
Gillian sprang up abruptly from her chair, kicked away the
surrounding billows of underwear, and walked firmly across
to the couch; stood looking down with an unusual air of
sternness:
“Deborah, I don’t know if Winifred is shocked or not.
The point is, I am. Your revelations have ceased to be funny—they’re
merely pitiful. I take it, by the way, that they’re
mostly true?”
“I’m not a novelist,” responded Deb, shifting rather uneasily
under Gillian Sherwood’s censure. “What’s up, Jill? Do
you imagine I’ve sinned with all these heroes in turn?”
“No, I don’t. That’s just it. All this dabbling—it isn’t
worth while. You know much too much—you know everything.
You’ve got a rotten name—as bad as mine. And
nothing to show for it. You’re smothered with dust from the
arena—but you never ride. Deb, Deb, a little honest sin, for
Heaven’s sake! I’m not keen on this demi-game!”
“A little honest sin—or a little honest chastity——”
Antonia took up her stand by Gillian’s side, and put one arm
about her shoulders....
“Two of you!” Deb raised herself on one elbow and prepared
for battle; “les extrèmes se touchent!”
“What does that mean?” laboriously from Winifred.
“Look next time there’s a fried whiting on your plate.
Yes—two of us, Deb—we’ve been meaning to pitch into you
since some time, Antonia and I. What are you doing with
Blair Stevenson?”
“What’s Blair Stevenson doing with you?” Antonia
amended.
Their victim protested. “I could tell you better if you
wouldn’t both hover over me in that menacing way. Do,
please, go back to your seats. Pair of bullies!”
They humoured her in that, but Deb saw there was no escape
from their quiet persistence of enquiry.
“Did I tell you about a man in the train——” she began.
“We were asking you about Blair Stevenson, Deb.”
“Yes, but the man in the train bears on the question—he
does, honestly. And I’m sure Winnie would like to hear about
him—it raises an interesting point of etiquette, ... Well,
once upon a time,” in a great hurry, for she saw that Antonia
and Gillian would immediately blockade any gap she exposed
to them—“I was travelling, and there were lots of people in
the carriage, and one quite nice-looking man, and presently all
the other people got out, and we both had a sort of feeling of
release ... at least, I had, and I knew he had too. He asked
if I minded whether he smoked, and I said I didn’t a bit, so he
offered me a cigarette, and I took it and thanked him nicely.
Well, it would have been so ridiculous to have glared at him
and been porcupiny all over, and to have sat there consciously
and conspicuously hugging my virtue as though I suspected
from the very first moment that he had designs upon it. I
made some remark about having to hurry with the cigarette
as I got out at the next station—‘Oh, then we haven’t got very
much time, have we?’”
Deb broke off. Her hands were hotly clenched, and her
eyes a sombre, crepuscular blue....
“Jill—I fought for it like a—a—devil-cat, for what I had—God
knows why—but I had guarded it by flight and by cunning
and by instinct, for years and years—since the very beginning....
And now this perfectly casual stranger takes it for granted
it was his for the asking. I was up against it—and I fought—so
that he was astonished—let me go. I walked to the other
end of the carriage and sat there, looking out. Presently he
said in a different way altogether—not ashamed of himself
and perfectly cool, but different: ‘You can come back to your
seat opposite me. It’s all right.’ It was all right, and I
came back and said slowly: ‘Not exactly playing the game,
was it?’ You see, he was sure to have been a public-school
boy, and if he had winced, I’d have gone on to say something
about how would he like it if his sister....”
“Deb—is nothing sacred to you?”
“That’s what I was going to ask him. But he proved a
fairly unusual type. He speculated a moment, and then
shook his head, smiling: ‘Yes—but you shouldn’t have taken
the cigarette. That’s an accepted cue, you know—or if you
didn’t know, you ought to have.’ It struck me for the very
first time that there is something in it when our mothers and
aunts warn us not to let unknown young men talk to us.”
“Yes, but they ought to tell us why and they never do,”
in one long breath from Nell, whom the other girls had forgotten
was present.
“Our aunts and mothers, most of them, have Weldon’s-Paper-Pattern
still in their systems, however tolerant and lax
they may appear on the surface.”
“Then no wonder we get into messes, scrabbling about for
wisdom. Our aunts and mothers weren’t allowed to scrabble
by their aunts and mothers.... And our children won’t need
to scrabble.”
“Our children,” murmured Jill, and her hand touched Nell’s
hair regretfully.... Nell was such a baby still!
“We’re at the transition period—do you remember that
sketch I did of you, Deb? And the transition period has to
pay, always.”
“Then is there a male of the transition period—to match
the girl? or are we transitting alone?”
“Same old male—the one I met in the train. And experiment
clashed with habit. That’s what I’ve been trying
to tell about.”
Winnie roused herself to make contribution to the chorus:
“It was awful of you to have gone on letting him talk to you
after he had insulted you.”
“Why? I was curious what he had done it for. It can’t
have been passion, romance—not even the dawn of love,
Winnie—for any stray girl in a railway carriage. I had just
wanted to be friendly. And I was frightened out of being
friendly, by ... well, the male habit. I’d had no desire to
spring upon him the moment we were alone. I told him so.”
“You didn’t! Deb, you are! What did he say?”
“Grinned and said: ‘You’re an odd kid. Here’s your
station, isn’t it? Good-bye and good luck.’ He helped me
out, and I asked if I might finish the cigarette or if under the
circumstances it was etiquette to throw it away?... Oh,
the incident was nothing; the whole moral of it is, that it
wouldn’t have happened to Antonia, so it’s no good lecturing
me according to the Antonian standard. Or the Gillian standard
either—great loves don’t come to such as me.”
“Because you experiment in small loves,” Gillian lit a
cigarette and planted both feet on the mantelpiece, “small
loves and small loaves and half loaves——”
“Better than no bread.”
“Wrong again. You must have learnt by now that it’s
either Heaven ... or always the same.”
“Men always the same?—indeed they’re not!” Zoe had
returned mentally refreshed from pantry society. “If they
were always the same, we needn’t bother so to keep on changing
them, need we? It’s the different ways of approach that
are so perfectly fascinating; and the different idea each one
has of the same identical you; and how long each is going to
take, and what sort of places they choose, and their pasts, and
their way of holding you—I do like to be nicely held, don’t
you, Antonia?—Oh no, I forgot, you don’t! There are
dozens and thousands of differences, and each has to be managed
differently; and what encourages one kind, puts another right
off ... even what they prefer to eat, and if they like their
kisses hard or soft—I say, doesn’t that sound like eggs? Oh,
I do think, I really do, that variety is most of the fun; and
seeing how they get to the point. They bore me when they’re
within shouting distance.... Besides, I get so specially
interested in what each new man is going to give me. You
would soon get to know that, if you always kept to the same.
Pinto, for instance ... he gives me olives, and I hate them.
You don’t think me greedy, do you? I’d hate to be greedy, but
I do like presents!”
“I believe you’re the demi-maid by temperament,” Gillian
said, smiling at her, while she reflected that as fast as that
greedy right hand of Zoe plundered, the generous left hand of
Zoe gave. “Deb isn’t. And that’s why Deb has to be spoken
to seriously by her pals. We’re waiting to hear about
Blair.”
“What about Blair?” Deb seemed inclined to sulk.
“Throw me a cig, Winnie. And a match. And the box to
strike it on—thanks. What about Blair? He’s the demi-man,
if you like, as far as I’m concerned. I was wrong when
I said the male of the transition period didn’t exist. The
Male who Pursues has ceased to exist. Nowadays he implies,
more or less delicately, that he has no wish to make you his
wife and you needn’t think it; but being your own mistress—well,
will you? And you imply equally delicately: ‘Yes,
but not yours, so you needn’t think it!’ Then you both know
where you are. The rest is on debatable ground.”
Zoe cried, appalled at Deb’s elasticity of speech, “Well, I
must say, Deb, I think you’re horrid. I do, really. I’m not
a prig, but I don’t think you’re a bit nice. I suppose I’m old-fashioned.
And I’m not at all surprised at Winnie....” who,
with a crimson face at the word “mistress,” had marched out
of the room.
“That doesn’t matter,” Gillian defended Deb, with that odd
incongruous air of casual authority which was unconsciously
based on her years of vital work and clear thinking and swift
unerring sense of values; on a courageous judgment that
hummed through the air like an arrow, and stuck quivering in
the gold; on the deference she received from her equals, men
with good brains and of good quality; men of genius, even,
who had deferred to her in her own line. “Winnie does quite
a good deal of what one might call ‘spooning’ ... ‘adventuring
on debatable ground’ ... ‘half-a-loafing’ ... whatever
you like. But it’s just that she can’t bear—the labels.
While one is vague about the name of a thing, it’s all right,
according to Winnie. She’s not a conscious humbug; belongs
to a type. And she enjoys the half-loaf—like Zoe. Well,
call it her quarter-loaf. The point is—do you enjoy yours,
Deb? I don’t believe you do. And if you don’t, it’s not
worth it. In the case of Blair Stevenson, for instance?”
Deb made a desperate attempt to shed all her psycho-entanglements,
and be honest—because it was Jill who asked.
And this, even though she had long ago discovered that the self
one pretends to is much more convincing to the hearer, than
the self nearer to reality. A detached attitude helps expression.
“It pleases him and it doesn’t hurt me,” she summed up
slowly.
“And what’s the object of pleasing him?” Antonia enquired,
in scorn of the masculine claim.
“That it doesn’t hurt me.”
“It has hurt you. It has hurt all of us—through you.”
Her lower lip quivered; proudly she fastened it to composure
with her teeth.
“Well?” Deb flung at Gillian; and thoughtfully came the
answer:
“I’m not sitting in judgment, Deb. Who am I, etc. But
it seems to me the natural thing to draw such pleasure from
the touch of a man, that contact becomes beautiful and therefore
true. Or else to be so repelled by it ... that you sit up
and behave. But what possible reason you can have to lie
there and merely suffer it without joy or fulfilment——”
“It does become annoying at times to think he’s having
so much more fun than I,” flippantly. She pushed her hands
impatiently through the hot thick masses of her hair. “Oh,
I’m tired of being a girl, anyway. I’ll cut my hair short for a
start, and be a boy. Have you got some big scissors, Jill?”
“Nail-scissors, curved; in the shape of a stork.”
“Don’t be an idiot, Deb—your glorious mane....”
“Oh, Deb——”
But in spite of the protests of Antonia, Nell and Zoe—Gillian
sat silent, probably thinking any distraction good for Deb’s
soul at the moment—she unpinned her hair and let it fall in
a dense blue-black web over her face; her voice came in
muffled jerks from the improvised tent:
“It’s that once started ... it seems so silly to stop. So
silly and affected. Anyway, they won’t believe you—once
you’ve let them start. And I want to be appreciated just a
little ... I’m twenty-five; and—and—how—how are you to
know it’s going to be the real thing at last, unless you let them
begin?... Or even a bit of the real thing? Or even one
single thrill.... I don’t know what’s the matter with me that
I never thrill. I—I’d go back to be chaste and white if I
could. But I’ve had too much tolerance, and my moral sense
has got slack and messy. And men know—the sort of thing
you allow. It gets about: Blair knew.... One might as
well live up to it.” All this confession, while the scissors had
been snip-snipping; an occasional soft swish of hair falling
to the carpet—disconcerting sound, that made young Nell
suddenly wince and cover her ears.
“But you can go on—if you can’t go back.”
“This from you, O vestal!” Deb shook back her ragged
curtain, and scissors suspended, gazed in sheer surprise at
Antonia. “Or was it Jill speaking in Antonia’s voice?”
“The whole way—or no way. The last, for me. But
you’ve proved that it’s impossible for you, now. So the whole
way. I despise—debatable ground.”
“It’s too late for the whole way, too. Yes, I’m quite logical.
You either rush headlong from chastity into wantonness—forgive
me, Jill, it’s the wrong word, but I can’t think of
another—or else into matrimony. Debatable ground is for
those who hesitate. And hesitation makes the demi-maid!”
She gripped a long strand of hair, held it out and slashed at it
savagely.
“And it’s queer,” she went on, “but I’ve still got the
inborn conviction that wantonness gets the worst of it. I
seem to see a little woodcut, like the illustration of a very
familiar old book, of a man forsaking the girl he has betrayed,
to die or drag on in squalor and shame and bitterness,
while he returns to his wife, the sheltered woman, the law-sanctified
mother of his children. I may be all wrong—but
that’s how it comes to me.”
“It comes to me in exactly opposite form,” Gillian laughed.
“Not from personal motives, but from the same sense as Deb,
of a familiar picture.... The wife forsaken, worn and weeping,
face downwards on a sofa, while the man hurries away
to the woman who is free, insolent and triumphant. The
wanton scores—and that’s why I’ve always avoided being the
wife.”
“The wife scores—and that’s why I’ve always dreaded being
the wanton.”
Gillian laughed again. “I don’t mind if you call me a
wanton, as long as you don’t call me a pioneer. And——”
“Oh, Jill,” cried Zoe in clamorous distress, “I thought
you’d prefer it, I did really; or I should never have—but
whenever I found people talking about you, I always excused
you by saying you were a Pioneer of the New Era of Womanhood....”
“God!...” murmured the victim thus mislabelled.
“But aren’t you? I mean, don’t you believe that this is
the beginning of a sort of New Era when we shall be as free
as men?”
“I don’t!” Antonia cut in clearly. “I hope it’s rather the
beginning of a New Era (as you call it) when men shall be as
self-controlled as us. Why on earth should development
always seem to be along the lines of licence? Girls nowadays
will run wild all over the place for a bit, just to prove they’ve
got their money and their independence and the vote and a
special prerogative and a latitude and a longitude ... all
that. And then they’ll get a sense of responsibility and cool
down and settle down, and ask for limitations—and with
that, a new phase, and perhaps a finer one, will begin. Your
Era is nine times out of ten only a phase. I hold by the
law—the old social law of monogamy. It has made itself
out of the instinctive need of it, and it recurs again and
again down the whole cycle of civilization—out of the instinctive
need for it. There have been maidens, wives and
harlots through all the ages—surely there’s no genuine need
to muddle them all up? no need for free love, except for the
exceptions from the herd?—and the exceptions can always
be trusted to look out for themselves.”
“But it isn’t monogamy that Gillian & Co. are opposing,”
Zoe contested—with the air of a wise little Bubbles, sitting on
a footstool, with her primrose curls haloed in lamplight—“it’s
marriage.”
“Marriage is quite a good institution, for those who want
it. You arid Intellectuals never see that where two people
need a symbolic or a religious or even a civic recognition that
they belong together, they should be allowed to have it.”
“But the millions of cases where it has turned out badly——”
“Would have turned out just as badly if the couple had
been living together in free love.”
“But, Antonia, then they could just have walked away
from each other!”
“It’s very rare that it’s a simultaneous walk-away. The
one walks ... and the other suffers. And this wrench
would occur in any case. The legal wrench is a bit of a bother—and
I grant you that the divorce laws might be reformed—but
the human wrench is inevitable, in spite of all progress
and propagandists and pioneers!”
Antonia was in battle mood, and Gillian gave her battle.
They confronted each other not unlike a pair of splendid boys,
the one erect with her back to the peacock window-curtains,
hands clasped behind her, her head, a red-brown oval, slewed
defiantly upwards; while the other rested her arms and chin
along the back of a precariously tilted chair, which she
vehemently bumped forward again to safety at the alliterative
peroration of Antonia’s speech.
“Propagandists and pioneers—no! By heaven, you’re
unjust!—do you suppose we’re out to be as intolerant of the
Merely Married, as they have hitherto been of us? Look
here—I loathe theoretical talk—I just claim a right to do what
my own circumstances dictate, without being preached at and
interfered with. There’s no such thing as Gillian & Co.—if
I and my like are accidentally in the van of progress, we
advance separately, each to her own peril. And if we’re only
freaks and exceptions, lawbreakers and wantons—then again,
each to her own peril. But what I do resent, savagely, is
that Theo and I can’t have a child, without raising a stinging
pestering swarm of minor considerations—servants, landladies,
schoolmistresses, tradesmen—once there’s a family there’s got
to be a permanent home, and that translates into all this sordid
beastliness of prying and inspection, gossiping and blackmail,
deceiving and finding-out, and the intolerant officialdom
you’re so keen on, Antonia. And I daresay the kid would
have to pay too, somehow, sometime. Well—we’re not going
to give all this a chance. But I maintain that the arid Intellectuals
are finer, truer stuff than the Herd, because they don’t
bother the Herd, and the Herd will never stop bothering us.
Never. They’re bothering now because Theo has a wife living.
It doesn’t matter to them that I’m doing far better work and
he’s a far better man, because we live together. The mind of
the Herd can’t stretch to individual demand. It can’t be
tender or intuitive—it just fusses. So—yes—call me a pioneer
if you like; not of any glucose Movement to link people
together for a common cause and so forth—there’s too much
of that—but for the right to unlink oneself and to unlink one’s
thoughts from other people’s thoughts—the right of detachment.”
“Oh dear!” exclaimed Zoe. “Isn’t it funny, how people
who used to just talk, ever since the war have talked as though
they were making speeches?”
Antonia and Gillian looked guiltily at one another. “I’m
afraid she’s right,” Antonia sighed. “Sorry, Zoe. As a
matter of fact, it’s perfectly ridiculous to be discussing the sex
problem at all, since the war. Ancient cobwebs which the
great broom has still left clinging....”
Again Gillian leapt to the assault. “The ‘sex problem,’
as you call it—a horrid phrase which suggests pamphlets and
tracts—has survived a million wars and even caused one or
two. So there’s no earthly reason why we shouldn’t be discussing
it. Here we sit in proof of my statement—five girls
who are all employed on war work (good thing Winnie’s out
of the room for this reckoning), who still find some difficulty
in sexually disposing of themselves—I mean, in the abstract.
If Deb and Nell weren’t at the canteen, and Antonia a chauffeuse,
and Zoe an affliction to the War Office, and I in my laboratory
spying out new diseases that resent bitterly not being allowed
to keep themselves to themselves; if we were just mooching
and flirting and grumbling, and prodding our emotions, people
might be justified in saying we were all in an unhealthy frame
of mind from lack of topical co-operation. But as it is, the
war goes on, and sex goes on, quite self-reliantly. You can’t
cancel one against the other. It’s false mathematics.”
“My dear Jill, you can’t state in that arbitrary fashion that
war isn’t going to affect the sex problem—it’s all right, Zoe,
I’m not going to speak for long; take up the ‘Tatler’ in the
meanwhile!—It will affect it in every possible way: lack of
men; abnormal conditions; economic liberty for girls hitherto
dependent——”
“I’m wrong. Oh, I’m totally wrong!... Deb, come
out of what’s left of your hair and save me! I don’t want to
hear about economic conditions. The off-side is yards shorter
than the other.”
“Wait one minute,” murmured Deb, industriously and
wholly absorbed in her labours.
Antonia continued, in serene mockery of Gillian: “And I,
for one, am not in the least difficulty, thanks, over how to
dispose of myself sexually in the abstract. And I shouldn’t
imagine from external evidence that you were either, Jill.
Zoe, are you at all puzzled how to dispose of yourself sexually
in the abstract? Henceforth and hereafter there’s always
Pinto, isn’t there, when the supply of other friendly aliens is
exhausted?”
“You may laugh,” cried that young person in eager defence
of her continental tastes—“but it doesn’t seem natural to me
to be made love to in English—it doesn’t really! I always
have to turn it into French or Italian or Portuguese in my head,
before it becomes decent somehow. Isn’t it funny? but it’s
quite true. I suppose it’s a habit.”
“Nell is a minor and an adolescent, and, like Jill’s more
obscure diseases, prefers to keep herself to herself,” Antonia
went on, “so there’s no need to include her in our enquiry.
Winifred lives mainly in a state of mental sloth, and is not, I
think, wrestling very furiously with the sexual problem.”
“As long as she’s only kissed at the extremities,” Zoe
threw in.
“Manon is, we hear, formally and decorously engaged to
be married. So there really remains only Deb, of the whole
group, who might be said to be in difficulties over the disposal
of herself sexually in the abstract. And Deb is a goose.”
“And Deb is a goose!” echoed Zoe and Gillian in affirmative
chorus.
Deb gave a final snip, flung the scissors down, and faced the
company. “How do you like me?”
“Well,” remarked Gillian, after they had all stared in
solemn criticism for several minutes, “I hardly think the
shears have disposed of the problem....”
It was, indeed, a quaint enough perversity that Deb’s present
flying mop of short black hair caused her to look even more
girlish than hitherto; perhaps it was the pure beautiful curve
of her throat, now visible from every angle. Her little round
head was the head of a child-saint; her slim body, lightly-poised
and undeveloped, was pathetic anomaly to eyes and
mouth which revealed a mind that had heard of all sin, and
was blunt to all sin, and weary of all sin ... victim of the
transition period.
“Don’t you like it?” disappointed at the silence of her
comrades, broken only by Gillian’s one caustic comment. “I
shall have to get it properly trimmed and trained at a hairdresser’s,
of course. But I think it suits me, rather....”
“What are you going to do with your shorn femininity?”
Gillian pointed to the showers of long hair lying about the
carpet. “You can’t leave it here, you know—Theo’s so
awfully impressionable.”
“My shorn femininity,” said Deb, gathering it up in her
arms, “shall go into a brown paper parcel and be sold for the
benefit of the Red Cross—‘And nothing in life became it like
its death!’”
For a space of time parallel to this discussion, four men were
sitting in Blair Stevenson’s library, drinking whisky and soda,
and lazily depreciating the first-night play they had just witnessed,
and of which Theo Pandos had to supply a dramatic
criticism for “The Dawn.” He was dashing down his copy now,
and occasionally pleading with Cliffe Kennedy to hold back
his comic reminiscences about the Censorship, for just a few
minutes longer.
“Why they don’t sack you——!”
“I’m a highly useful servant of the State,” Cliffe rejoined.
“And I’ve never before had as big a private mail as I liked.
I used to read my own letters and my mother’s, and my little
sister Beth’s; and the letters of any stray guest who happened
to be in the house, and the servants’ letters—and even then
I wasn’t satisfied. Now I can glut myself opening letters.”
He told a few more incredible and very delightful tales of these
same letters. And then Pandos flung down the fountain-pen,
to intimate he had finished a column of the “death-by-a-thousand-slices,”
for which he had made a name, took up
his glass of whisky and soda; and the conversation, as was
usual directly he touched it, pivoted round to the subject of
women....
“I don’t understand girls nowadays,” confessed the fourth
of the quartette, who was little Timothy Fawcett of the Royal
Flying Corps. Having been a whole year on continuous active
service in France, he was now stationed at Hendon for a few
months respite of light home duty.
Timothy was rather a nice boy. He was fair and shy and
solemn, with those soft cherub curves to his mouth that remind
one of dewy sleep and of a mother fondly shading the candle
from the eyes of her baby son in his cradle. And his innocent
appearance did not call for the conventional corollary that it
masked the biggest dare-devil in the squadron. His appearance
coincided exactly with his disposition. Timothy was undoubtedly
both shy and solemn, with wits that moved but
slowly, and nerves and courage as steady as his steady questioning
blue eyes.
“I don’t understand women nowadays,” he began. And
Blair, with whom he was rather a favourite, said encouragingly:
“Go on, Sonny!”
Timothy loosened his Sam Browne, and stared at his puttees;
then, by an inspiration, emptied his glass; and thus fortified,
was able to continue:
“What I mean is—there used to be the girls you met in
your own set, and they went about with your sisters, and there
was no harm if you kissed ’em on the river, but of course you
took jolly good care what you talked about to ’em. Sometimes
you married ’em.”
“Exactly,” Kennedy commented. “Sometimes you married ’em.
Proceed, Timothy.”
“And then—there was the other kind.” Timothy came to
a full stop.
And the little Greek, his eyes vivid with mischief, took up
the sequel of events:
“And these you kissed also ... and not only on the river.
And you told them those droll stories that could not be told
to the girls you married sometimes. And they laughed with
flattering appreciation.”
“What I mean,” Timothy began anew, with obstinate determination
to finish up the subject in as few words as possible,
“is that a fellow used to be able to tell the two sorts apart in
half a jiff, and now they’ve gone and got themselves so muddled
up ... you take out one of the first kind, thoroughly nice
girl and all that—and she talks about—well—dash it—about—about——”
“—The second kind,” suggested Stevenson.
“And she wants you to take her to a night-club, and laughs
at you for bein’ shocked, an’ argues about it—no end knowing!
And so one takes the cue and follows up—and then half times
out of ten she turns on the freezin’ tap, and quite right too,
only she ought to have done it from the beginning. And
they’ve got quite pally, too, with—well—the other sort. It’s
so rum. You meet ’em with their arms round each other’s
waists.... It’s all a mix-up an’ you never know where you
are or what you’re safe to say, or who knows who or how much
you’re let in for——”
“Tim likes to know where a good woman ends and a bad
one begins—that’s the trouble in brief, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” Timothy answered his host. And drew a long
breath ... waiting for enlightenment.
“Keep ’em divided in your own mind, Tim, and it will be
all right. The shuffle is mostly intellectual, and needn’t concern
you. Your nice girl, because she knows rather more than
she used to, believes she can compete with professionals. Mais
ce n’est pas son métier—and she’ll discover that in time.
Meanwhile, we know where to find our wives and where to find
our mistresses; and those who wish to be met on half-way
ground, let us meet them on half-way ground. It’s not for
us to be pushing them back into innocence or toppling them
forward into guilt.” Stevenson lay back with arms crossed
behind his head, in his wonted state of unruffled good-humour.
Kennedy, greatly excited, contested this bland point of
view: “I object to half-way ground. Strongly. Besides, it’s
a form of blacklegging. Give me sharp divisions—sand and
rock. Confound it, I don’t want my wife, when I get her, to
be able to chatter like a frank comrade about all the ins
and outs of my squalid existence before I met her. I hate
frank comrades. They’re too—too reasonable altogether.
I hate an intellectual mate, and a pure white friend of my
little sister Beth, and almost a harlot, all combined, like one
of those beastly mechanical book-cases and step-ladder and
kitchen-table patent arrangements ... and pull out whichever
you want. Conveniences bore me. Subtleties bore me
still more. And you can never tell, with these new-fangled
girls, just how many degrees they’re still good and how many
they’re prepared to be bad. Oh, Lord! Lord!—give me
another one, stiff, Pandos.”
“And yet,” remarked Theo Pandos, complying, “I gathered
that you were on very excellent terms with our special little
group of—what do you call them?—new-fangled girls?”
Cliffe’s features puckered to a gnome-like grin: “Ask ’em.
I’m dear old Cliffe—just dear old Cliffe—quite sexless y’know—never
been known to love—in—er—that way. It’s funny, but
I don’t believe he could....”
Blair Stevenson shrugged his shoulders composedly. “I’m
of a grateful nature. What God sends me, I take. And what
He refuses me, I refuse to desire. Some people are always
returning a gift with requests for alteration.”
Timothy sat listening; his eyes rested seriously on first
one speaker and then the other. “Yes,” he said at last;
“But what’s it all about? I mean—what are they up to,
those girls?”
CHAPTER IV — I — II — III
“Captain Rothenburg—killed in action. Rothenburg—Rothenburg—that’s
a German name. What was he doing in
an English command, I’d like to know? Ought to have been
interned.”
Richard sprang up, knuckles white with the clench of his
hands on the rim of the breakfast-table, his brows a lowering
black ridge of anger. He and Mr Gryce confronted one another
across a space of half the dining-room. The other visitors
sprinkled at the various tables looked up expectant, conscious
of latent antagonism spurting at last into visibility. The old
man’s eyes bulged like pale marbles over the top of his newspaper....
“Ought to have been interned,” he repeated
ostentatiously to his neighbours.
“Sit down, Richard,” his father commanded quietly. And
as though with a physical effort, the wrestling look was unlocked;
the boy sat down, head turned away from the detestable
civilian who had dared sneer away Con’s glory. As if
Con wasn’t as thumpingly keen a soldier as any of the purest
British descent! Con, the splendid sixth-form hero of
Richard’s earliest Winborough days. And now ... to make
out he had given his life to no effect because his name happened
to be German....
Richard was still shaking from the harsh shock of the news,
and from a sort of desperate hatred which almost approached
fear. “Is it true?” he asked Ferdie, who was searching
through “The Telegraph.”
“I’m afraid so. Ah, yes, here: On May 15th ... etc.
I suppose his parents can only just have heard. Nearly a
week, isn’t it? Poor Con, he was a nice fellow. Otto will
be upset—his eldest boy.”
“But why do they print the name Rothenburg?” Stella
questioned in a low voice, inaudible to Mr Gryce.
“I expect the young man had the good sense not to be
ashamed of his father’s birthplace,” rumbled Hermann Marcus,
in an aggressive voice distinctly audible to Mr Gryce, who
muttered: “Damned old Hun!” amid a murmur of surrounding
sympathy.
Richard explained: “David told me Con held out when the
rest of them changed their name; he was a Territorial ages
before the war, and his men knew him as Rothenburg—good
enough for them!” with a defiant scowl in the direction of Mr
Gryce. The latter, sending out his plate for more bacon:
“I’ve had nothing but fat and gristle!” remarked further
to the young lady at the table beside him: “They’re not half
strict enough over this alien business. I like a German to be a
German; if they want to fight, can’t they stick to their own side?”
“Though I’m not surprised some of them are ashamed to,”
he creaked on, pulling his tuft of beard irascibly.
“No more, thanks.” Richard escaped from the room. He
very rarely finished a meal nowadays.... Aunt Stella
followed him out, and waylaid him in the empty hall:
“Richard, you must take care what you say in the dining-room.
You shouldn’t have jumped up like that. Everybody
saw.”
“And Con died so that—so that he could have his second
helping of bacon,” Richard exploded.
“Yes, but you know in our position we’ve got to be careful.
You especially.”
“It’s so unfair. So beastly unfair. If I thought he only
said it to get my back up—but he believes it. He oughtn’t
to be let believe it. I want to hammer it into him that old Con
wasn’t even conscripted—was ready at the very first shove-off.
Oh, it’s mean to do him out of the credit. Not that he would
have cared, but——”
Stella was surprised. Her nephew’s extreme taciturnity
was one of her stock subjects for jest.
“You’ll have to go and condole with the Rothenburgs
to-day.”
Richard immediately lapsed into surly schoolboyhood:
“Lord! Must I?”
“David is your friend. And as he happens to be at home——
Your father and I will be going after lunch. Or you can call
by yourself this morning if you prefer it.”
“Call!” he grumbled. “As if David wanted people
mooching about and saying they were sorry.”
“Saying? Aren’t you sorry?”
... Funny, how aunts were apt to say silly platitudes in
a silly, ready-made voice, just when one was paying them the
compliment of treating them like humans. It showed how
careful you ought to be, Richard reflected glumly, on his way
to Hampstead.
How on earth did one “condole?” He knew right enough
just how David had cared about Con, and what a swollen
sensation attacked his own throat to think of anyone so cheery
and keen on his job and altogether decent as his late school-captain,
part of a heap of flung-together mixed-up limbs and
mud and stained khaki, here and there twitching still....
But all this was well set apart from official condolence. All
this led to silence, not to speech. Richard, deliberately taking
the longest way round to Fairwarne Gardens, became ever more
acutely uncomfortable over his mission. Besides——
“You ought to have had it out with Mr Gryce.”
The phrase spoke itself so clearly in his mind, and with such
detached emphasis, that he started, and almost glanced over
his shoulder for the speaker.
It was quite true; his father had made a mistake in hushing
him: himself had made a mistake in surrender. Mr Gryce
had had the best of the encounter; and probably never again
would Richard be whipped to such a stinging fury of indignation.
An ingredient of fear might well creep in ...
fear such as had twanged deep down in his consciousness when
Aunt Stella said: “You especially....” The owner of those
light-blue bulging eyes would not hesitate to use the advantage
of an adversary’s birthplace.
Richard perceived uneasily how fatal it would be to live
enslaved by the notion that he had lost all right to resent.
Undoubtedly he ought to have had it out with old Gryce there
and then at the breakfast table. Too late now....
And here was the Redbury’s house with blinds all lowered.
He rang the bell; and waiting on the doorstep, tried to break
up his face every time it stiffened into a set shape appropriate
to the business in hand.
“Is Mr David in?”
David, in second-lieutenant’s khaki sobered by a black
mourning band on the sleeve, hardly looked up from his puttees
at Richard’s entrance; and when the first apathetic “Hullo!”
was over, there seemed nothing more to be said. The room was
in semi-darkness, and the very slant of sunshine through the
chinks was furtive.
“What on earth have you come for?” David burst out at
last irritably. “To express your sincere sympathy with me
in my great bereavement? Then for the Lord’s sake, express
it—if you can—and get it over, and be natural. You make
me nervous, standing about as though you had changed into
a black tie before coming out, which I wonder you haven’t!”
Richard in his turn got thoroughly bad-tempered. The
walk had been hot and dusty, and there was the episode of
Mr Gryce that morning, and—and Con was dead. And now
David merely jeered at him.
“All right—I’m going; you needn’t worry. I didn’t come
here for fun, they made me.”
David laughed uproariously. “That’s better; that’s more
the little Richard we know and love!”
Richard grunted, and banged himself into a chair. He understood
now.... David’s noisy laughter had shown him.
“When did you get your commission?”
“Only last week. Samson worked it for me—through his
cousin, Sir Ephraim Phillips. Did you know Samson was back
from the Front?—trench-feet. Pater’s still trying to rope him
into the family, with Nell as a lasso; but I don’t believe he’s
having any; still keen on Deb.”
“So you’ll be going to France, perhaps....”
“Yes, in about six months I shall be able to avenge Con
by killing the Hun who killed him.”
“Does—would that—help?” Richard asked awkwardly.
Then met David’s ironic eyes—
“It ought to be the attitude, oughtn’t it? Beatrice supplied
me with it, and the family have taken up the chorus. It’s
so natural and picturesque and primitive: the younger brother
belting on his sword and going forth to slay for the sake of the
slain. Old Grandmother Phillips, who approves of me because
she thinks I take my religion seriously, even added the Old
Testament touch: an eye for an eye and a tooth for a
tooth....
“No, Richard, it doesn’t help at all. If I could land home
on the one actual and definite German who was responsible
for Con, it would be different. I believe in fighting—for love
of a cause. As Con did. Oh, Con never said much, but he
was a patriot down to bedrock fundamental; he was a pre-war
patriot, which was pretty rare. And now that he’s dead, I
can’t possibly stand out. Because of my people. It would
explode all that he’s done for them. ‘My son who was killed
in action’ would be see-sawed out of all usefulness by ‘My
son who conscientiously objected.’ They wouldn’t be able
to say the words ‘My son’ at all. I can’t play them or Con
a shabby trick like that; after all, patriotism begins at home—loyalty
to one’s family is a local form of patriotism, I suppose.
If the Redburys were properly entrenched, but——”
“‘In our position.’...” Richard quoted softly.
And David added with very unboyish bitterness: “Pater’s
awfully upset now—but I can already foresee what a magnificent
asset Con’s death is going to be—‘in our position,’ as you say.
Pater will run it for all he’s worth. Marcus, there’s a kink
wrong in civilization when a father’s got to swank for safety
on a son’s death.”
“Swank?”
“There are letters to show, from the Colonel, from brother-officers,
from his men. It seems that long after he was
wounded, he held that bit of trench with one machine-gun to
cover a retreat. Oh, the stock tale of heroism!”
Richard was badly jarred by the last words. It struck him
that David was carrying flippant detachment rather too far;
one might well be glad of a brother who was guilty of the
stock heroism. “Con jolly well deserves a medal for that,”
he remarked on an aggressive note.
And David said: “He’s been recommended for the D.S.O.”—and
suddenly he jerked up his head and went crimson....
Richard turned his eyes away from that surge of hot red pride.
Funny, how one never knew, with David!
Trudchen Redbury popped in her head, as though in search
of someone.
“Ach, Davidchen——” she nodded kindly to the two boys,
but still did not appear to have found what—or who—she
wanted. Her comfortable fat little face was rough and scrapy
with long crying—the kind of crying that goes on and on, and
stops for a bit, and smiles and talks and gives the orders in the
kitchen, and then meanders on again....
Trudchen had none of the Spartan courage recommended
to mothers nowadays.
“Hullo, Mums!”—David sprang up and laid his arm round
her dumpy shoulders and gently put his lips to her cheek—(Yes,
he was a dear fellow, her youngest boy, and so much
more considerate than Con, who had always nearly knocked her
down with his violent hugs.... “Mein Konrad!”)
“Na, Richard, how goes your Aunt Stella?”
“She’s coming this afternoon.” And Richard growled
something in which the word “sorry” vaguely occurred.
“David, vot do you sink?—if I write to liebe Anna now,
it vill gewiss reach her in the neighbourhood of the sixtieth
birthday when there vill be rejoicings—what one can rejoice
these days——” she shrugged resignedly. “Our Con more
than you or Max your Aunt’s loveling ever was. Vot do you
sink, David?”—for the second time; “shall I vait before
I write to Berlin—a month perhaps? One does not wish to
spoil a birthday.”
But beyond a queer look shot towards Richard, David made
no comment. And presently Trudchen went on, with a sort
of chirruppy perplexity:
“And you know how angry Papa is when I ask him at all
about Anna and Karl, though he used to love and eat largely
of her Pflaumentorte and vex me by naming it better than mine.
And yet not even a letter from me for the sixtieth birthday—vot
vill she think? And she and I wiz ever only a year between ... but
how can one write and say nothing about our Con ...
though it will surely remind her again of the armer seligen
Fritz—since how little while is he too ... my eldest and her
youngest——” she sighed. “Perhaps—no—I will not tell
zem—now.” And yet again: “Vot do you sink, David?”
“There’s Max,” he reminded her. “We’ve written to Max—and
if he sees Uncle Karl——”
“Ne, Schatz, not now they have moved him to that camp
so far away.... And one does not know vot to believe or not;
they say—Otto says the Chermans do such terrible sings to
the English prisoners—and the Phillips tell me too—it is
almost unthinkbar—to cut off both the hands at the wrist——”
“Mums, Mums, when you’ve had letters through in Max’s
own writing——”
“As if the dear boy would worry me by telling it in a
letter....” sobbed Trudchen.
Richard emphatically felt the need of departure. And the
Lord spared him an encounter with Otto in the hall.
He lunched, and then sauntered into the afternoon show
at a music-hall, thinking to get rid of himself by plunging into
a mass of people and a rattle of sound. But the dress-circle
was filled with an atmosphere unusually attentive to the
performers on the stage; and when the lights were raised
during the interval, he perceived that the seats were mainly
occupied by a large detachment from St Dunstan’s: men who
had been blinded in the war; men who had been chosen
haphazard for the greatest sacrifice of all. Richard wondered
whether a single one of them had anticipated such a calamity
as this; and whether, knowing, they would still have willingly
exposed themselves; he had heard so many soldiers bound
for the Front, half-jokingly prophecy their own death, or a
broken nose, or a wooden leg; but—no, he had never heard the
possibility of blindness joked about. Was this the secret fear
they all carried in their hearts when they volunteered?
“Not a bad show,” he remarked to his neighbour, who
immediately turned on him one immense rolling eye and a
tiny glass one, and became confidential. He was a comical
little chap, small and square, with a wide mouth, a skyward
nose, and a knowing air that was enhanced by the appearance
of a fixed wink. He informed Richard that he was the third
of a trio; that he was his mother’s favourite, and his father’s
favourite and the favourite of his two brothers; that one of
his brothers had married a shrew and the other a slattern, and
he alone had the perfect wife; and that the less fortunate
twain were wont to say to him: “Jock, wish I ’ad yer luck!”...
Moreover, he was the secret favourite of both the slattern
and the shrew, and he ought by rights to have won the waltzing
competition up at St Dunstan’s on Monday night, but his
partner had fouled his chances by treading three times on his
toe, and it was bluggy well the last time he was going to lug
her round the room!...
“You brick!” muttered Richard in his heart, over and over
again. Not only to be jolly and normal, but actually keen
about things still—prizes, and your brother’s wife! not, as
one instinctively imagined these martyrs of the war, pensive
and resigned and uncannily patient, with a sort of pale
upliftedness....
The jovial rowdiness in that portion of the auditorium was
hushed as the curtain went up on a troupe of acrobats and
dancers kissing amorous hands to the audience, from various
inverted positions on the trapeze.
“Wot’s that?” demanded Richard’s neighbour. Then:
“‘R—I see, said the blind man!’ ackerbats—lot o’ use to
us blindies, that. Funny idea o’ givin’ us pleasure some people
’ave: one old geezer, she came ter take me out fer the day
in a kerridge an’ all. ‘Wot-o!’ sez I to myself. An’—are
you listening’, you?”—with a nudge—“an’ she took me three
times to Church afore she brought me back in the evenin’!”
Richard ducked his head in a smother of laughter; the
enormous eye rolled mournfully in his direction had been so
pregnant of disgust.
“Three times to Church, an’ no lollies. An’ me ’elpless.
Some people——” words failed him. He fumbled precariously
with a cigarette and a lighted match, quite matter-of-fact over
his handicap. “That all right?” shaking the match to and
fro and dropping it still alight; Richard’s foot shot out,
stealthily.... “’Ave one? they give us plenty. Yus,
when she come again, I was in ’iding, betcherlife. Scout
warned me. ‘That pore well-be’aved young man anywhere
about?’ sez she to Sister; but Sister was a sport and didn’t
let on. So she just took a look round at me pals: ‘Are they
all quite blind?’ sez she; ‘Yus, but they ain’t deaf,’ sez
Sister, quick as ’ell. ’R well, s’pose ’er idea of ’appiness ain’t
mine; she did ’er best.”
“What does make you happy?”
The reply was brief and to the point: “Taxis an’ cuddlin’.”
... It was not until the last turn of all, a Chinese conjuror,
that Richard found his companion’s attention sufficiently
astray from the stage to permit him to put a question that had
lately nagged for an answer from its source. “I say—what
made you join up?”
“Looked as though ’Is Majesty wos invitin’ specially me
to a private picnic. An’ I sez: With pleasure!... Yus,
an’ then I woke up, an’ found one of my eyes gone West, an’
t’other deaf-an’-dumb. Well, I’m not saying nuffing to that;
wot’s done is done, an’ ’ad ter be done by someone, an’ Government’s
paying me ’ansome for the rest o’ my life; but when
it comes to putting me to a job——” again a large disgusted
eye appealed to Richard for sympathy. “Work? not ’alf!
And the other chaps is that keen they makes an awkward
president.”
“What?”
“President. Same as setting an example, only not quite.
But you just see what me mother thinks abaht it.” He fumbled
in his pockets, pulled out two or three crumpled letters, and
thrust them into Richard’s hand. “Read ’em.”
The main point of the letters was clear: Harold’s old mother
passionately advised Harold not to work—thank God there
was plenty while she and father could live and work for him;
plenty afterwards too—“I will see to that, son, so don’t you
bother to learn a trade. Well, son, never mind about your
sight, that don’t matter to us; at any rate your not one as had
cold feet. There’ll always be plenty for you, so don’t you let
them make you learn nothing you don’t want, darling——”
“Thank you,” said Richard gently, passing the letters back.
Most of the last pages were filled up with pencil crosses; he
wondered if Harold knew....
The music was holding its breath while Li Hung Wang surpassed
himself in a last effort of magic; resulting in a terrific
display of flags; and the curtains swaying together, back
again, and once more together to the opening chords of “Land
of Hope and Glory.”
Immediately the men of St Dunstan’s shuffled to their feet
and stood at attention while they sang through the first verse
of Elgar’s anthem, till the whole risen audience, enthusiastically
joining in, swamped their voices in a volume of louder, fresher
sound....
And Richard carried out into the Strand the blurred vision
of uneven rows of weedy, shambling figures in their ill-fitting
mufti, the ephemeral vanity of khaki shed now for good,
ordinary men in ordinary casual clothes, heads tilted stiffly
backwards:
“Land of Hope and Glory
Mother of the Free—”
And he knew that though the picture of Trudchen Redbury
perplexed over the question whether tidings of Con’s death
in the English trenches should be sent to spoil the birthday
of her sister Anna in Berlin, might and did symbolize an international
predicament—yet that other picture was indeed war
and the splendour of war and beyond war; was patriotism
itself, the urge and reason for patriotism, the ultimate answer
to all niggling private issues; he knew that before war and
after war, war may be averted; but during war ours is to
shut both eyes and stand by the blind and follow the dead.
And then, in all the forgetful semi-hysterical jubilance of
the pride of belonging, he was brought to a standstill as though
by a pounding blow on the forehead, confronted with a placard
of a weekly journal just out:
“Enemy Aliens. Intern them all.”
As surely a personal message for him, as a Salvationist’s
shouted text goes straight home to the heart of a sinner.
“What’s the good? they don’t want me....”
He seemed to be repeating vaguely some childish experience
of disappointment, when his eagerly proffered help was turned
away with the same superciliousness of uncomprehending
rebuff.
“They don’t want me. Well—I don’t want them either!”
... he was not so very much older now, after all.
“I don’t want to be English!”
No, Richard? Not even for the sake of those rows of eyes,
bandaged and gutted and black-spectacled? Not even for
the right to join in as those men stood at attention, and chanted
in the queer flat strains peculiar to the blind:
“How can we extol thee
Who are born of thee?”...
Not even to be one of them, Richard?
“Well, I wasn’t born in England, so what does it
matter?”
But he was aware, in a positive flash of knowledge, that had
he been permitted to go into the trenches and fight, it would
have been bang there, between the eyes, that his bullet would
have caught and shattered him ... there, where the insult
of the placard seemed first to have struck. He had not been
allowed the choice of which blow; so how could he ever prove
to this coldly, carelessly exclusive England, how the choice
would unquestioningly have swung?
Half-an-hour later, as he stormed through the hall of Montagu
House, he was greeted by the menace of Mr Gryce’s voice,
creaking, creaking....
“Naturalized or unnaturalized, it’s all the same—the leopard
can’t change his spots!”
And the day was rounded to a perfect circle.
And after that, Mr Gryce’s voice mixed itself up with pretty
well everything; but particularly with Richard’s three meals
a day in the dining-room of Montagu Hall. He would like
to have disappointed Mr Gryce by occasional absences from
meals—taking it for granted that the Inquisitor does feel a
certain disappointment at the absence of his victims from the
rack; but, remembering David’s remarks on patriotism locally
applied, he forced himself to be present for his father’s sake;
forced his taciturnity to voluble talk, throwing up a screen
between Ferdie and the enemy; or, if that failed, at least
grandfather could sometimes be diverted from the muttered
arrogance of patriotism—German patriotism—which might
at any moment, via Mr Gryce’s hearing, provoke a public
scene. Richard dreaded a scene now as much as he had sought
it at the incident of Con Rothenburg’s death; it was as though
his pugnacity had been wounded, and would not heal, and
was raw-sensitive....
Especially raw-sensitive to Mr Gryce; his pores were all
open to Mr Gryce, who from merely ignoring the Marcus
family, was suddenly subjecting them to active nagging persecution.
The recent loss of the “Hampshire,” with Lord
Kitchener aboard, had resulted in another wave of anti-German
feeling sweeping over the country. Richard hardly wondered
at it; he was furiously resentful, furiously suspicious himself
over the happening—but that did not prevent him from equal
wrath when Mr Gryce considered himself patriotically entitled
thereby to bang doors in Aunt Stella’s face.
The truth was that both Richard and Mr Gryce were both
afflicted with the same obsession—the internment of enemy
aliens; to each of them, the war centred entirely on this
point, radiating thence on spokes of lesser interest. But
Mr Gryce was on his own territory.
Three meals a day! They met in the hall; they met on
the stairs and landings; in the streets round about the house
... but they passed with quickening step, averted eyes, and
a twitching sense of the other’s nearness. But those three
meals a day had to be stolidly endured. Breakfast was worst,
for then Mr Gryce read aloud the papers to his neighbours, and
delivered his opinions—all at the Marcus table, for he never
spoke to them directly. Richard tried being earlier than
Mr Gryce at breakfast ... but then he had to see the pink
head and the wisp of white beard travel down the room, sit
down at the table, and with a certain unctuous deliberation,
unfold the paper; watch him ... and then wait, with a cold
sickness of anticipation, for the first rusty creak: “What
do you think the Germans have been doing now?——” How
many thousand times more would he have to hear Mr Gryce’s
vicious inflexion of the word: Germans—(“He doesn’t mean
the fighting Germans, the Germans out there; he means us;
he means me....”)
Presently it seemed to Richard that the creak of the voice
and the pinkness of the head was mixing itself in with the very
food he swallowed, poisoning it....
For the boy had reached that state where he felt himself
acutely and personally responsible for every atrocity committed
by the Hun enemy; his nerves shrank and cowered from each
newly-printed horror or treachery or brutality, as from a thong
laid across his bare shoulders. And there was always something—hospital
ships sunk—English prisoners tortured—liner
passengers drowned—poison gas—Zepp raids on non-combatants—wanton
violation again and again of the code of
decent warfare. Richard, tired out from the long day-to-day
strain, only wanted the Germans for pity’s sake to stop—if
but for a little while, to stop.... All England had dwindled
to Mr Gryce, and there was no one but Richard himself to
stand forward and answer for all Germany’s accumulating
reproach!
He put up a gallant enough struggle to retain his fairness
of vision. And presently his imagination, up to all sorts of
tricks in these days, was able to see himself and his personality
on the nerves of Mr Gryce, in exact replica of Mr Gryce on
the nerves of Richard Marcus ... saw the irritation in the
curve of his own stolid ill-tempered shoulders—the antagonism
aroused by his out-thrust underlip and the butting carriage of
his head.... “Always that boy! and a loyal Englishman
has no option but to live in the same house, breathing the same
air, eat and sit in the same room, tread the same carpet—it’s
a disgrace!” Richard was so detachedly aware of this point
of view that at certain hysterical moments of encounter he
was not sure if he were driven out of the smoking-room by
sight of that inevitable pink head, or whether he were banging
the door with the hand of Mr Gryce’s fury because those Marcus
shoulders were discovered humping in the armchair by the
window.
He mistrusted an imagination as flexible. But the more
he denied it and resented it, the more uncannily it functioned.
Marcus of Winborough two years ago would have cut the
present Marcus dead, dubbing him a freak ... he saw that
too.
He was far from desire to defend the Germans. He examined
their conduct generally, their methods of warfare, with that
new impartiality of his; gave them their due of victory,
resource, consistency and stubborn devotion to their country;
and nevertheless came to a conclusion that whereas a decent
German might be almost as decent as a decent Briton, a rotten
German is immeasurably rottener than the rottenest Briton.
The sinking of hospital ships, for instance; wantonly to plunge
into icy death the broken suffering bodies of men who had once
already, perilously and with infinite care, been dragged back
to life, and only asked now to be let rest with their own
people again in their own land. Nothing could condone the
sinking of hospital ships ... and Richard had to clench his
teeth on the longing to join hotly in the chorus of condemnation;
as he had also to grind down the impulse to join the
shouting when the news was good and glorious—“What have
either of these to do with you?”
By unspoken pact, the Marcuses remained silent on these
subjects, when in public; they did not gain much by the
attitude, for people commented in whispers: “Have you
noticed that they never have anything to say on our victories,
or about the atrocities? Bound to have sympathies with the
other side; wonder what they say among themselves?”
On the other hand, if they expressed their perfectly spontaneous
pleasure over an English feat of arms, and their quite unaffected
indignation over a Hun outrage, they were instantly accused of
hypocrisy and over-acting, and Mr Gryce said: “I like a
German at least to be a German!”
It was a difficult problem, but on the whole, perhaps, silence
solved it best. And Ferdie tried to impart to his son some of
that placid philosophy which formed a firm basis to his more
surface characteristics.
“My dear boy, what do you expect?—that in times like these
the English will cherish us for our German origin? On the
whole, they are lenient and fair-minded——”
“Yes, but they promised you—promised without reservation,
that you should be as good as an Englishman, equal to
any Englishman. And because it was the English who promised,
we—you—we all thought it was all right ...” his
tone was heavy with reproach for the country which of all
countries had a reputation for welcoming and sheltering those
refugees from harsher lands and laws.
For Richard, in want of occupation, had begun to read
lately; hoping to find in history the companionship of other
children of No Man’s Land; common-sense told him that in
every war must have been a few examples of betwixt and
between, belonging to both sides and therefore outcast from
either side. He was comforted, in an odd sort of way, by this
hunt through old tomes and chronicles, for precedent to his
own position. Precedent that he could quote authoritatively
to Ferdie, less well-informed.
“Be patient,” said Ferdinand Marcus. “One day the war
will be over, and all will be forgotten.”
“Not it. Never. No foreigner will ever feel safe in England
again.”
“Why not? we suffer from inconvenience, not from
tyranny.”
“But in their heart of hearts they’ve chucked us out for
good.... Haven’t you heard old Gryce swear he’ll never
shake hands with a German again?”
Ferdie weighed the question of old Gryce with solemn
deliberation, and then summed up: “Yes, he has the mania
to persecute. One can understand—but one wishes he would
not insult your aunt. But perhaps he has lost a son.”
“Oh—is this Regent Street or Tuesday?” impatiently.
“No forgivable link of cause and effect. Besides, he hasn’t
lost a son. He’s not even married. It’s just that he has
nothing better to do. You never hear a fellow who’s back
from the Front, using himself up in anti-alien agitation. But
old Gryce talks big about brave little Belgium—and then
raises hell if the Belgians get served with the pudding before
him at dinner. I’m not unreasonable, Dad; I can understand
perfectly well that while the Germans are murdering our men
and women it’s natural that the relations of our murdered
men and women find it painful to meet us, even though we’re
not the same Germans. That’s why the internment penalty
is a just penalty, I suppose; at any rate, I don’t see how it
could be avoided. But petty nagging is different. There’d
be some sense in the not-shaking-hands business if one could
strike away a hand that was the concentrated essence of all
that was foul in Germany——”
“I wonder,” said Ferdinand slowly, “if you have any idea
of all that is foul in Germany?—of what drove a whole colony
to England in 1848?—the Acht-und-vierzigers, as they call
themselves, those few who are still alive and whose sons are
now part and parcel of the British Empire, bleeding for it....”
“Eighteen-forty-eight?—that was a democratic revolt
against the domination of Prussia over the smaller states,
wasn’t it?”
“Yes; the only way we could protest; we could hardly
enter into Civil War—we who wanted only peace. The early
socialists. So we escaped to England, and we are glad we
escaped. We—well, I was not born yet; my turn came later,
and was more solitary. But there lies the root of our antagonism
to the fatherland that bore us; and that is what the English
find so hard to understand in us now. They argue by analogy:
because no Englishman can ever feel anything but an Englishman,
so no German—etc. But the English nature is different
... and besides, it has had no need for discontent; no need
to exchange their own country for another. They think we
still love Germany. But are we not here because we hate
Germany? I have no wish to make speeches or to give you
a history-lesson, Richard; but I sometimes wish, when I see
you angry with me for—how did you once put it?—shoving
you in a position with your feelings in one pocket and your
birth-certificate in the other, I sometimes wish you realized
a little better how you would have rebelled against German
education and drill system and forced Imperialism; rebelled,
or—worse still—submitted. You have noticed your grandfather,
even now that he is old and ill and in a strange land,
how rudely he still speaks, how dogmatically he thinks, how
arbitrary are his judgments, and how he considers nobody.
That is all military Germany embodied. There is another
side to Germany, certainly, but it is crushed during war-time.
Perhaps it will flower softly again afterwards——”
“Afterwards? Oh, father, will there ever be an afterwards?
Will it be over by next year, do you think?”
(Next Autumn he would be eighteen....)
The elder Marcus looked doubtful: “Who can tell? Have
you seen in to-day’s paper?—there have been peace
negotiations——”
“Anything real?”
And again: “Who can tell? You had better see for yourself.
Here.”
But Richard only made a pretext of seeing for himself.
He dreaded reading the papers; made any sort of excuse not
to do so. The papers were always full of allusions, direct or
indirect, to naturalized and unnaturalized Germans, to spies
in our midst, reproaches to the Government for laxness,
incitements to reprisals, leagues for the future exclusion of
Germans or semi-Germans, root and branch, from all association
with civilized countries. Even if one hunted through the
whole paper with ever-growing relief at one day, one issue, free
from barbed reproach ... at the last, a small paragraph
would surely catch the eye and destroy the momentary security.
So Richard read no papers. The posters were bad enough,
blatant or mysterious from the kerbstone; you could not avoid
those, except by never stirring from the house ... and in
the house was Mr Gryce. Besides, there is no escape when
the mind is spread like a net to catch all stray matter that has
bearing on the one morbid obsession. Even when it is a
question of going round the corner to have a pair of Aunt Stella’s
boots soled and heeled....
In the little street were rival cobblers; one with the name:
Marshall, obviously re-painted over a name possibly less
pleasing to his customers; the other displaying a large placard
in the window: “No German Taint Here!”
“Yes, but it’s rather mean to make an advertisement out
of it!” and Richard, against express orders, carried Aunt
Stella’s boots to Mr Marshall. The latter was a lank sad-faced
individual with a slight cockney accent; he confided in
Richard that he had unfortunately been born in Germany of a
German father—— “but p’raps I oughtn’t to be tellin’ you
this, sir?” “It’s all right,” gruffly. “Brought up over ’ere
with me aunt and uncle who put me in the army—the
reg’lar army, that is. Yes, oh yes, I wos a Tommy years before
the war, an’ went through all the Gallipoli part of it. ’Ot
stuff!—I wos shipped home nearly dead from an explodin’
shell. They discharged me out o’ hospital at last, an’ discharged
me from the army; an’ I took over me late uncle’s job ’ere.
No, I’m not partial to cobblin’; I tried most other things, but
they won’t ’ave me nowhere, being so to speak, a German, sir.
They ask very particular, you see, nowadays. And this isn’t
payin’, neither ... not by any manner of means. Customers
remember the name. Fact is, sir, I’m afraid I shall ’ave to be
quick with these ’ere boots—I’m wantin’ to oblige you, since
you brought ’em ’ere, but I’m obliged to shut up shop next
week.”
“What will you do?”
“Nothing for me to do but ask ’em to intern me, sir. A
man can’t starve. Wot I’m fearin’ rather, is that them in
the internment camp won’t make me over welcome neither, me
havin’ fought against ’em, and bein’ mostly English in my
ways.”
Richard whistled.... “What an old muddle it is! I’m
in the same box,” he added, envying the man his Gallipoli
experience, exploding shell and all.
“Yes, I know, sir; or I wouldn’t ’ave been so bold——”
“Know? How do you know?” God! there surely could
not be anything German in his appearance ... horrible
thought!
“It’s talked about among the folks in the neighbourhood,
sir; there’s a gentleman at Montagu ’All as isn’t too friendly
to you, I believe; an’ ’e seems to have told the policeman at
the corner to keep a sharp eye——”
“I see. Thanks. Good-day.”
Mr Gryce. And the mythical policeman of Otto Rothenburg’s
dread, materialized at last. Not that it mattered;
there was nothing for him to find out. “May as well make
up my mind to the fact that I’m a criminal,” muttered Richard
with a grim smile. It was part of the nightmare that his
absolute belief that the foundations of things were “all right,”
solid ground upon which the foot might solidly tread, had now
been shaken to this ... this ricketiness. “I can’t be a
German—I don’t like the Germans!” his cry of a year ago,
had been incredulous of a state of the world in which such things
could happen. Now: “I haven’t done anything!”—but his
tone was acceptance that such things did happen, and therefore
anything could happen, and go on happening ... who
or what was left to stand security?
“When will the boots be ready?” Aunt Stella enquired.
“Early next week.”
“As soon as that?”
Richard explained.
“I told you to take them to the other man,” displeased.
“Thought poor old Marshall needed encouragement.”
“Then leave encouragement to people in a different position.
I’ve warned you before that we must be careful.”
Stella was certainly careful; the most careful of the family.
She would have nothing to do with the lady who recently
came to Montagu Hall and who gave Richard one moment of
sardonic happiness by demanding of Mr Gryce, in innocent and
guttural friendliness: “Haf you got a dable-dime, my Sir?”
Mr Gryce, more successful with her than with the Marcuses—perhaps
her credentials were less unimpeachable—had her
removed within a week; but not before she had thrice beamingly
tried to attach herself to Stella, under the false impression that
here at least she was bound to find kindly compatriotism and
shelter, and thrice had suffered a chilling snub delivered without
consideration for her possible feelings: “She’s ever so much
more German than we are,” Stella explained to the other
members of her family; “we really can’t risk it—in our
position! Just as well that old Gryce is getting rid of her.”
Richard thought: “It’ll be us next....”
He did not say so. After his one outburst to Ferdie, he
never mentioned Mr Gryce to him again ... could not, somehow,
get the name past a thickness in his throat. The three
Marcuses imagined that Richard did not notice Mr Gryce and
his malignant attitude—(“Richard was never observant!”)....
He was glad for them to believe it. Mr Gryce had taken
it upon himself, of late, to warn every fresh arrival at Montagu
Hall, of the deadly growth in their midst. Richard watched
him do it once, from the other end of the long drawing-room;
he could have strode out, certainly; but, for discipline of that
unruly sense of fear, he forced himself deliberately to witness
the give-away; one did not surrender to fear without a struggle.
But ... Mr Gryce worked himself into his sleep, now, and
made it hideous. He dreamt wildly of scenes with Mr Gryce,
in which, instead of hurling at him all the wounding, tearing
speeches repressed during the day—which might have been
some relief—he was compelled instead to follow him about,
pleading his case, over and over again: “Don’t you—can’t
you understand—it isn’t my fault? It’s nobody’s fault. You
can’t stop yourself from hating us, but you couldn’t have
stopped yourself from being born in Germany either—oh, do
try and see that....” It was perfectly damnable to have to
plead with Mr Gryce, even in sleep, and to be helpless in preventing
the subconscious self from these humiliating displays.
“Can—I—help—for—it?”.... Why, that was what Gottlieb
Schnabel had gasped.... Mixed up with his dreams, the old
sick dream of a flour-smeared face cowering from his pursuers—from
Richard—from Richard himself....
His punishment, these slow fear-bitten months; punishment
for his previous denseness of imagination. Yes, yes,
but it has gone on so long, and there seems no end to it, and
I’m tired and frightened and beaten—beaten to my knees.
You who send punishment and You who can stay it, let it be
over now....
“Are you alone?”
“Richard!”
Deb shrank with a cold sense of shock at sight of his face,
from which all fleshiness had contracted to a drawn covering
of the bony structure; hollows in the cheeks; hard mouth;
and eyes that had known persecution.... “Richard, what
is it? I haven’t seen you for about six weeks. Have you been
ill?”
“No. I say, are you alone?”
“Yes; La llorraine and Manon won’t be in for ages.”
“You—you—you’ve got to marry Samson Phillips.”
“I mean.... I want you to,” when he saw her choking
bewilderment.
Deb perceived that he was in extremes. “I’ll do anything,
Richard.” She just touched him with her hand. And he
stumbled forward and put his head down in her lap and began
to cry.
“Richard ... dear old boy ...” she was athrill with
terror now. It was horrible to hear him, with the knowledge
how his normal self, the self which for seventeen years had stood
for all that was chunky and gruff and pugnacious, was abhorring,
or would presently return to abhor, this sudden utter
breakdown of all control. “Tell me—oh do tell me,” Deb
pleaded to the hunched suffering curve of his shoulders.
“They won’t leave us alone ... the pink heads. Deb—rows
of pink heads everywhere—you can see them from the
top—yes, sitting round tables ... all over England: ‘Intern
the Alien Enemy.’ But it isn’t that so much; I’m getting
used to the thought of it, for me; one year—not quite—and
I shall be interned.... What’s the word make you feel?—cold
iron and damp black earth. But it isn’t that——”
“What is it then, dear?”
“Deb, d’you know why England and Germany are fighting?
Such a silly reason!—to find out if Goethe or Shakespeare was
the greatest. Lothar said so.”
“We’re fighting to keep England a free country,” Deb spoke
clearly and simply as to a child ... her young brother was
even less than a child in his shaken hysterical outpourings.
“Are we? I’ve been thinking too much, thinking all the
time, and all round.... I want to stop thinking, but I don’t
know where to begin to stop, or why I ever started to think....
Something happened to Gottlieb Schnabel and he screamed—but
it was quite right, Deb, he was a German; he shouldn’t
have left Germany; perhaps his father brought him here
and didn’t have him naturalized; if he’d stopped over there
he might have fought for his country—tho’ he’d have been a
rotten fighter. Anyway, the Germans wouldn’t have him
now. They wouldn’t have me.”
“But even if—you’d never——?... Richard!”
He was silent, too tired to attempt to tell her of all the
bludgeonings his spirit had received since that evening in the
May of 1915. “But I’d still knock down the fellow who hinted
that I cared a curse for any country except England ...
England....”
But England had informed him fifty times a day, and by
fifty different methods, subtle and brutal, that she had no need
of him, no use for him, preferred to do without him, doubted
and despised him.... Loyalty crept shivering into a corner
at last ... loyalty was apathetic, numb——
“What’s the good? It just has to be like this. They’d
persecute me in Germany for being English, worse than in
England for being German. And the neutral countries are
all getting sucked in one side or the other.... I thought once
we could all go to America. What’s the good! everybody’s
fighting for something they believe in! everybody’s got their
back to the wall ... there’s not even a wall for us; only
dropping spaces.... No Man’s Land.... I dream of it
when I fall asleep—nowhere to go—and reeling pushes from
all sides—you spin round and round, and your brain spins
round and round—nowhere to go and nowhere to rest—for
Thomas Spalding and me.... You hope it’s going to end,
but it doesn’t, and they hate us worse every day ... they
hate us worse than they hate the real Germans.... I don’t
know why, I don’t know what we’ve done—except perhaps
that we’re here and near at hand; it’s more fun to hate something
that’s near, isn’t it? We hang on and try to prove that
we’re loyal and all right ... the hate seems to be receding ... and
then something happens—and naturally it all rolls
up again. Deb, it’s a double treachery when one of our lot
betrays England to Germany—they betray us to England
at the same time ... and you can see the pink heads
bobbing....”
“The war will be over one day.”
The boy lifted his face; showed her the eyes of a fighter
crucified to inaction:
“And what sort of a world do you suppose it will be, after
the war, for men who haven’t fought in the war? The others
will talk and remember—and I’ll be shut outside their talk
and memories. They’ll have suffered, and lost their pals,
and helped their pals through with it—I shall have suffered
nothing and lost nothing and helped no one. I—oh, I was
kept safe ... in cold storage! God! the meanest little whelp
of a Servian or Bulgarian, German, Turk, or Belgian—it
doesn’t matter what side, when you’re in the scrum, heart
and soul—he will have taken a risk denied to me. I’m funking
life after the war, worse even than to-day and to-morrow and
next week—and next Autumn. Didn’t know I was a funk,
did you, Deb?”
She asked slowly: “Will it really do you any good, if I
marry Samson Phillips?”
And Richard got up, frowning. “No. What makes you
ask that?”
“You said—when you came in——”
“Did I?” he muttered. “I didn’t know—didn’t mean
to. I’m all in bits; don’t take any notice.” He dug his
hands into his pockets, and walked away to the window.
It was significant that he growled out no apologies for having
cried. That he should be capable of such a thing was accepted,
wearily, with the other horrors.
Queer how the very bend of his neck made his sister feel sore
with tenderness ... she must help him butt through his bad
hour. And she reproached herself for neglecting him all this
while—Richard, whom she loved better than any other.
“Is Samson in England again?”
“Yes. In hospital. Trench feet. David told me. Said
that Uncle Otto still wants him for Nell. Somebody English
in the family, to grab on to.”
“Oh—Uncle Otto!” Deb’s tone rang scornfully.
“Yes—I used to laugh at him, too. I don’t now. We—we
come down to that, Deb, when we’re in a panic.”
“Was that what you meant, what you hoped, when you
told me I must marry Samson? Somebody to grab on to?”
Richard nodded. “Yes. But never mind. You don’t
care enough for him, do you?”
“How could he help you?”
“He’s solid English through and through; have you noticed
how people imagine that every Jew must be a German—or
every German a Jew—I forget which. But Phillips’ cousin
is Sir Ephraim Phillips; David seemed to think he was going
to be useful over Fürth, get a permit for Hedda to see him
oftener—only David says Hedda doesn’t want to. If he were
to vouch for me, perhaps—they listen to a man who has enlisted
from the very beginning, and got the M.C.” A long
pause ... and then Richard whispered under his breath,
with the reverence of a pilgrim who speaks of his Mecca: “He
might perhaps have got me into the trenches....”
Presently he jerked out, in his roughest manner: “Look
here, Deb, old girl—forget all this. Perfect rot, really. Don’t
suppose he could do anything—much. I was simply mooching
about—and—and a poster or something got on my nerves
and sent me pelting down here. I wouldn’t for worlds have
you bother about Phillips when you’re not keen on him. Not
fair on him, either.”
“I was wondering how you guessed, that’s all ...” Deb’s
head was turned away from him; he stared incredulously
at the wavy black mop of hair—what had she done to her
hair?...
“Guessed?”
“That—I made such a fool of myself.... Oh, Richard!
that I chucked away everything last year—just for a bit of
fun.”
“When you put him off by—Deb, you—you’re not bluffing?
you’ve cared all this while?”
“Yes.... And now you tell me he’s back, I wonder if I
could put things right again—I do wonder....”
“But you told me at the time that you were laughing,
pulling his leg....” Richard hardly dared believe in this
secret of his sister’s which synchronized so marvellously with
his own petition.
She stamped a petulant foot at him. “I was laughing—because
I was too ashamed to own up that I’d hurt myself by
teasing him with that idiot lie of mine about Cliffe. I thought
you would have guessed—I thought you had guessed, when you
first lugged in Samson’s name, and were only pretending that
bit about Uncle Otto and yourself and influence, for—for
cover; to cover me. I thought it was so nice of you.
Richard”—she walked straight up to him, and put her arms
round his neck, looking steadily at his eyes, those sombre, tortured
eyes which were beginning already to lighten hopefully
and lose some of their strain—“Richard, own up; it was
that, wasn’t it?”
Play-acting. But she had done it so long and inconsequently
and for no one’s sake at all, surely now she was justified in
play-acting to the tip of her powers, at Richard, and for
Richard’s sake....
“Wasn’t it?”
“No. No, Deb. It was sheer selfishness. But if you
can ... if you honestly do love him....”
CHAPTER V — I — II
Deb, before Richard came to her, was afflicted with the hump.
A sort of diffused hump. The hump of all the world. The
hump that says: “What’s the good?” and “It isn’t fair!”
and “I wish——” and “Everything’s so hateful!” It arose
from a blurred medley of causes: the dry heat which seemed
to spring from the pavements and sap all vitality. Then
Con’s death; Con had been her first love, and his death stabbed
her with a quick and poignant memory of eight years ago
when they had nuzzled each other like two affectionate and
sportive young foals—“dear little Deb.” “Con—I do love
you, Con!” “For always, Deb?” “Yes, for—I say, look
how the conkers are bumping down in this wind ... let’s
collect them and have a battle, shall we?” “Rather!”
and the headlong scamper of boy and girl up the hill towards
the group of tattered, wind-buffeted chestnuts. Such glorious
fun, collecting into your own separate pile the vivid russet
pebbles that every fresh gust thudded and bounced on to
the grass; or even, while you knelt and scrambled, on to the
flat of your back. Such fun, sweeping aside the drifts of
mottled yellow leaves to discover where they hid. Such fun,
to shout aloud to Con a find of the embedded conker, red and
plump and shining in its dull white pillow and prickly burr.
Such fun, the after battle, swooping to gather fresh handfuls
from your accumulated store of ammunition. She could be
quite sure, always, that Con would never direct his bullets to
hit her anywhere except in places that didn’t hurt. Con was
a dear ... and never such a dear as on that wind-rushed,
sun-flashing afternoon in October, when the Battle of the
Conkers having been decided in her favour, they flung themselves
down on the dry protesting rustle of the dead-leaf
carpet, flushed and tingling and ever so pleased with themselves;
the clouds swirling apart over their heads to show
such vivid rollicking patches of blue. “Deb, darling—will—will
you let me kiss you just once?” “No, Con—please—I
don’t think you ought....”
Well, Con was dead. But that memory was more excellent
to look back upon, than the long, slow-moving hours spent
with Blair Stevenson in his rooms....
It was not Blair’s fault. She recognized that. He was
always charming, always interesting, even whimsically fond
of his demi-maid. He was a great deal better than she deserved,
really. Only—only——
“I’m sick of it!” with a spurt of impetuous dissatisfaction.
Sick of it, and did not know how to wriggle clear of it. Perhaps
the Foreign Office would soon send him abroad again.
Deb was prone to hang about, hoping for some lucky mechanical
chance to terminate her mistakes, rather than herself make
abrupt severance. Stevenson was indeed sent on an important
mission to America that July of 1916. And Deb did not
altogether like that either. She missed him. He was, at
least, aware of her. The old dejected sensation of waste
enveloped her again.
The endless processions of khaki spectres through the great
dim stations, on their way to the Front, wound like a drab
caterpillar through her days and nights. She had loved being
on duty at the canteen when the leave trains came in; but
this new job was different—it was horrible. They were
sucked back to the Front where Con had been killed. And
the world was left full of women—women and girls and old
women. The world was rather like that great dim station,
with hollow sounds clanging and echoing far up in the roof,
and trains that came in and trains that went out, nobody quite
knew when; and waiting, drearily, up and down the platform;
and an old, old time-table that offered no guidance
in this later chaos, flapping from the walls....
What guidance was there, moral or religious or traditional?
Women took their cues and rules from one another, propped
one another up by new and hastily-made standards; pointed
out solitary examples—solitary pioneers. Dimly-lit melancholy
world of women, invertebrate at first, learning how to
walk and run, learning how to do without their men. Bits
of a new code, and bits of an old tradition. A great deal of
talk ... women’s voices....
Women, and women, and women. One got nauseated by
one’s own sex. They did their best—they did splendidly—but
oh, the man’s deeper, calmer note, and more logical
authority, and firm hand outstretched!
The home with La llorraine and Manon was hardly as satisfactory
as it had seemed. The ingénue engaged, required
kicking—not from jealousy, but because of her demeanour
which implied that everything good comes to the good girl.
And Dolph Carew, whom Deb hated, was always in the flat.
Wedding preparations were in full swing. And La llorraine,
the sails of her content wide and voluptuously full with a fair
wind, treated Deb in the confidential manner of one battered
old rouette to another—inviting her perpetually to look and
rejoice at the spectacle of the two innocent young things so
happy. “You and I, my dee-urr, have long since outgrown
such milk and roses.”... It galled Deb, not unreasonably,
to be identified with La llorraine as a rouette of fifty years ago.
Manon was to marry Dolph Carew ... inevitably Deb’s
thoughts drifted back to Jenny—lingered there ... all that
wish and desire and beat for life wasted ... and that charming
little face, mournful or roguish as a monkey’s. “But
Bobby’s left; Bobby with the same crinkle in his eyes and
mouth and heart.... If I were to die, wanting things like
Jenny did, there would not even be Bobby to remind
people....”
Yes—she had the hump. The hump of all the world. And
then Richard came.
At once life lost its sullen taste; and was sharp with the
savour of brine. Something to do—and that not too easy.
Something to be won—and that not for herself, but for Richard.
Something to sacrifice—and that was contemplation of the
future; fatal to brood upon a future inhabited principally
by Phillipses. Something here which demanded subtle
manipulation, probably histrionics ... but this was Deb’s
talent. She set out to re-conquer Samson Phillips in a spirit
which was brewed in equal parts of roguery and swagger and
trepidation. Could she or could she not obliterate her senseless
fib of last autumn? It all depended, really, on how much
Samson cared for her, and of what enduring fibre was his
passion. And here Deb had confidence; she could not forget
that he had asked her to marry him—so few men had
asked her that, down all that long, dusty highway speckled
with men....
“If it can be wangled, it shall be wangled,” she promised
Richard in her heart. She was not very considerate of
Samson in the matter; but you cannot be too scrupulous of
one man when you wish supremely to serve another.
From Nell Redbury she obtained Captain Phillips’ temporary
address, and also the exact ailment from which he was suffering.
It would not do to make a mistake in that. Then she
composed a letter that in its simple idiocy and clear grasp of
Samson’s psychology, was quite a little masterpiece of guile:
“Dear Captain Phillips,
“I hear that you are back again and in hospital,
with trench-feet. I’m so very sorry. Though I’m afraid
you won’t care much if I’m sorry or not. And yet—this
letter is really to ask if you’ll let me come and see you, just
once? Of course, I know it’s my fault that we’re not good
friends. But please, please don’t snub me. It does hurt
so to be snubbed. Is there anything special you would
like me to bring you, in case you say I may come?
Flowers I know you love best, but flowers are nicest when
they are wild in the fields, aren’t they? I wish you could
have seen our little brook near Market St Bryan last
month; its banks were a blue heaven of forget-me-nots. Do
you ever think about it, I wonder?
“Yours very sincerely,
“Deb Marcus.”
She re-read this epistle, and crossed out the last sentence.
“It won’t do to frighten him; I wish I could work in a little
old-world touch of dignity.” She mused; then unable to
supply this, sent it off as it was.
She had not miscalculated the durance of Samson’s affection.
He was a stubborn man, and he had deliberately selected Deb.
Deb had dealt his sense of righteousness a hard buffet; but
he had not succeeded in forgetting her. Her letter struck
exactly the right note—diffident yet impetuous; just the
same dear, warm-hearted, half-shy, half-wild little girl ...
surely she must have been led astray by some scoundrel.
After all, she had been honest at the time; honest enough
to forfeit his regard and all it entailed, by that confession of
her sin. The sin could not be minimized—but here she was,
obviously penitent—he could not resist the delicious act of
magnanimity.
So he replied stiffly, saying he would be delighted if she were
to pay him a visit at the hospital between three and four on
the following Wednesday. He had made arrangements with
his sister-in-law, Nell Redbury, to be present....
This last, with that insistence on a rigorous and formal
respect necessary in such painful cases where respect could
not any more be taken for granted as the lady’s due.
Deb smiled when she received it. “Nell can easily be
shunted. Is white muslin too obvious? I s’pose so. It
had better be my spotted pink, which is a bad fit. And the
Leghorn hat with the spray of Alexandra roses that doesn’t
match the dress. Surely no girl would wear two mouldy
shades of pink unless she were a reformed character. Good
Lord! my hair! How am I to account for it?”
She fingered a temptation to dare the risk of winning him
back by means he most disapproved of—peacock and gold
jumper of the wickedest cut; conversation to match, all
a-flicker with brilliant unconventionality; the siren method?
It would be infinitely more fun; and a personal triumph if
she succeeded.
But no. Richard’s peace of mind hung on the issue; she
must take the safest way.
Ten days later, Samson for the fourth time proposed to her.
She accepted him.
After the first interview, it was easy. She had only to be
passive; or to smooth down any little creases in her texture
that she perceived could still cause him uneasiness. That
first interview was her greatest performance. She blended
timid womanly solicitude with that type of earnest frankness
in big and little things, which was to be interpreted—by him—as
the outcome of an inner consciousness of once having failed
greatly in moral steadfastness and the resolve never again to
be betrayed into so doing. She thought his intelligence could
be trusted to perceive that much subtlety, unaided. He did
perceive it. And approved. He approved also of her confusion
at his jocular reference to the forget-me-not stream.
“Don’t tell me you went down there alone to pick forget-me-nots?”
“Oh, but I did. I wouldn’t——” she stopped.
And hastily asked him how he liked his tea. “Wouldn’t go
with any other man.”... Samson smiled under his moustache.
So that special glide of silver beneath the plank bridge,
had associations for her, too. Good! he liked sentiment in
girls. He was a sentimental chap himself, but in his case it
was sheathed in sternness. He was a soldier—and she was a
sinner.... Never let him forget that.
She never let him forget it. Not once in the prescribed hour.
Intuition pointed out that it was labour lost to try and make
him forget. Therefore he must be brought to forgive.
“So Delilah has been shorn instead of Samson? That’s
poetic justice, isn’t it?” Then, chaffing no more: “What
made you cut your hair, Deb? I don’t like it. It’s like those
artist-model girls you see about. I hoped you’d go on arranging
it the way Beattie did it for you, once. It suited you.”
“But it took so long,” Deb explained. And further, in an
outburst of confidence: “It was stupid of me—I’m sorry now.
But—it was just a mood—one evening, when I had to dash off
to the canteen—and it would keep on flopping down after I’d
pinned it up ... and it seemed to me there was so much to
do in the world just now, beside one’s hair—so much to do and
so little time to do it in—And ... Oh, I lost my temper with
it and just sheared it off. Does it look hideous?”
He studied her in silence. And his face turned red and his
eyes slowly kindled....
“Not that it matters. Vanity is rather futile since the war,
isn’t it? But one can’t help minding being a fright....”
“You’re not a fright, little girl,” said Samson Phillips.
And then Nell slipped back inconspicuously into the room,
and said it was time to go.
Otto Redbury had rubbed his hands with pleasure when
Samson, via Beatrice, had made known his wish for Nell’s
attendance at the hospital between three and four on Wednesday
afternoon.
“So! it gomes to something, then!” and he inspected Nell
before her departure, and gave her five shillings for a taxi,
that she might arrive unheated and unruffled. The taxi had
stopped at La llorraine’s, to pick up Deb, but this Otto did not
know. Deb was very glad to arrive at the hospital unheated
and unruffled. And Nell was very glad to spend the stray
half-hour walking beside Timothy, whom Deb had notified to
be accidentally outside the gates at that hour of the day.
This Otto did not know either. Not that he could have gained
much by prying on their dialogue, for the pair were still in
that stage of dreamy ecstasy which prefers not to speak, in
addition to their handicap of excessive shyness.
“Soon, zere vill be a vedding at the Synagogue,” Otto
prophesied to Trudchen. But Trudchen, who had lost one
of her boys, had no happiness for the moment in either of her
girls.
Otto was right in form but not in detail. A wedding did
indeed take place on October the 12th, and Nell was bridesmaid;
and the bride was given away by her father; and Otto
for the look of things had to be coaxed out of the bathroom
by his united family, and coaxed into a frock-coat, and coaxed
into attendance as a guest. Otto’s soul was very bilious, and
he objected to paying for a present, and made several quite
snappy and spiteful remarks concerning the folly of men who
married a girl whose certificate of chastity bore a black mark
and the scrawled name of Mr Cliffe Kennedy....
“Ach, Otto!”
Samson was aware of the enormity of such a choice. Aware,
too, that he would have great difficulty with his family, who
were still huffy with Deb for having dared to refuse Samson
on three previous occasions. So he did an unprecedented thing—he
proposed first, and consulted his family afterwards.
Perhaps “proposed” is not the term which exactly sets forth
his proceedings. He announced to Deb that he was willing
to make her his wife—nay, that he considered it his duty to
draw her from the gutter back to the pavement. Deb—who
in spite of some deep inner scoldings that she was again behaving
disgracefully towards Samson, and this time worse even than
before—Deb stood before him with eyes downcast and folded
hands, meek and wan—and wildly exhilarated by her success.
She had, to quote La llorraine: “Made a muff from her
chances” so often and so disastrously that a great deal of
previous anxiety was inevitable. Anxiety was now allayed.
She stood before her master, meek and wan, and exceedingly
desirable: Israelite maiden in the slave-market.... Samson
kissed her very carefully to show that his respect had suffered
no diminishment. (He was so continually showing her this in
all sorts of unobtrusive ways that Deb only now realized to
what extent her lie of last year had earned his undying censure.)
Samson kissed her carefully—and said, “My family will be
pleased about this, Deb.”
For which she rather liked him.
The family, of course, reminded him in an appalled chorus
that Deb was—somewhat disreputable. Had she not run away
from home, to live with that opera-woman? Samson replied
inflexibly that they, by their contempt and reproach, might
be responsible for driving a poor little girl to worse things.
“What worse things are there?” his grandmother demanded,
for the rest of them.
Samson merely shrugged; and opposition perceived that
the eldest son of the house of Phillips had chosen, and would not
be swerved from his choice. His glucose fidelity was impressive.
Samson was the Phillips’ fetish, and Samson’s wish the Phillips’
law. Moreover, there remained still the Phillips’ illusion that
Deb had always loved Samson, had loved him all through his
three proposals last Autumn, and must—poor child—have
suffered terribly, refusing him. Certainly she deserved to suffer.
But by this chance of making Samson happy, she might
expiate her foolishness, and expiate it still more in giving
Samson a fine healthy son.... So the many counsels in the
dining-room of Mrs Phillips resolved at last on a programme of
bounteous welcome, forgive and forget.
Deb, foreseeing complications, made more than one faltering
attempt to explain privately to her fiancé exactly how the
quaint mistake about her premature initiation had occurred....
But it was an impossible task. At each successive essay,
Samson interrupted at the very start and in his well-known
style: “I don’t want to hear a word about it, Deb. It’s all
over and it’s all forgotten. Let’s turn over a fresh leaf and agree
never to mention it again. I love you, and you know it, and
nothing makes any difference, and I simply don’t want to hear
another word about it.”
So she gave in. She was the flame, he was the extinguisher
that stands beside the candle. However ardent her whim
to burn, he could always put her out.
Ferdie Marcus was enraptured at the betrothal. It was
what he had always desired for his little daughter—everyone
was prefixing Deb with “little” just now—a good protector;
a Jew; a husband in a solid position, both financially and—nowadays
this was important—in point of nationality. He
would never be quite healed of the unlooked-for wound dealt
him by this same little daughter, last year; and he was rather
puzzled as to how that affair had been glossed over where
Samson was concerned. Did Samson know? But he hid both
the scar and the perplexity; and without any formal reconciliation,
it was understood that she had slipped into re-occupation
of her old place in the home—home in the abstract
and not literal sense; for she did not return to live at Montagu
Hall. Neither Grandfather nor Aunt Stella were sufficiently
cordial at the prospect; and Samson did not care either about
the boarding-house. For the present he made special arrangement
that she should stay with the Redburys—Beattie and
Hardy. She should be married from his mother’s house, and
as he was to be discharged from hospital in a month’s time, the
wedding could quite well be arranged for October. In fact
(“I’m a sentimental chap!”) he asked Deb, with a twinkle
of meaning in his eye, whether October the 12th would suit her?
Just in time to prevent her features from slipping into utter
blankness, she remembered that this might be the anniversary
of the silvery-stream business, and replied with a pretty smile,
that she thought October the 12th would be ... nice.
“Will there be time to let your hair grow before then?”
he teased her. “We can’t have a bride with short hair....”
The whole Phillips family had pounced, jabbering and
shrieking and with white teeth all aflash in their olive faces,
on the discovery that Delilah and not Samson had been shorn.
Deb was prepared for this, and constant repetition of the joke
did not afflict her in the measure of last year. The Phillips
were themselves a joke, and her engagement, and Samson,
and Otto Redbury sulking in the bathroom on the occasion of
her formal visit on the arm of her fiancé; and the fact that she
must ostentatiously refuse ever to meet Cliffe Kennedy again
... all a joke! That was her mood, and it was not once
interpierced. She saw very little of her old set during her
engagement—very little of Gillian and Antonia and Zoe. All
that had dropped away like a whirl of sparks in the forgotten
night.
The sense of a hilarious joke followed her to the very porch
of the Synagogue, pursued her through the ceremony, with its
gabble of Hebrew and wonderful song. It prodded her midway
in the fatherly old Rabbi’s personal benediction, when he
solemnly addressed Samson in these terms: “You are bearing
away to a typically Jewish home a typically Jewish treasure....”
Deb felt irresistibly impelled to drop her eyelids
and murmur deprecatingly: “Oh, no ...” and Samson
patted her arm reassuringly....
And then the joke faded ... for the old man spoke directly
to her, and made her feel suddenly that at last she belonged;
that this was her faith, and these her people; and that standing
here under the white canopy, she was really fulfilling her
destiny at last—the destiny for which Deb Marcus had been
primarily shaped and intended. After all, she had not been
able to achieve free adventure—and compromise was a poor
substitute. It was kind of Jehovah to have guided her from
debatable ground to safety.
And she would cease from baffling and bamboozling Samson,
who was high-principled and faithful. What had she made out
of her loose-jointed set of values, to enable her to scoff at his?
Deb was now full to the brim of her being with contrition and
clear sweetness and gratitude.... A few yards away Ferdie
was beaming happily—Dear old dad—and she had been such
a beast, blaming him for all her own freakish behaviour. And
there was Richard, scowling a little self-consciously in his
endeavour to appear absolutely at ease—all Samson’s brothers
were already married and ineligible for the office of best man,
which devolved therefore upon Richard ... brows hunched
over eyes that were wonderfully at peace. Six weeks ago, he
had looked like a man of thirty; now he looked what he was—a
sturdy well-blocked-out pugnacious youngster of seventeen.
It was all right—Deb had spoken to Samson about him, and
Samson had spoken to his cousin Sir Ephraim Phillips, who had
promised when the time of internment drew actually near, to
interest himself, not only to the extent of (certainly) getting
Richard off, but furthermore to get him (perhaps) into the
fighting line somewhere. So Richard’s state was that of a
parched creature who had sighted water to slake his thirst....
All the same, it was no joke being responsible for the ring
and the fees—and the carriages and—and half-a-dozen other
things. It rendered a properly nonchalant bearing impossible.
And he had made a bad beginning by the reverent removal
of a sleek silk hat from a sleek bullet head, directly on entrance
... five bearded gentlemen draped in black had made a
rush at him and besought him to replace his hat upon his
head.
His eyes met his sister’s in a swift comprehending glance.
“Sure it’s all right, Deb—for you, I mean?” “Quite, quite
sure, old boy!” the unspoken question and answer between
them.
The glass was set in the neighbourhood of Samson’s foot, and
he ground it vindictively into powder. His mother at the
reception afterwards, called all her friends and relatives to
bear witness with what spirit he had performed this part of
the ritual. It was fortunate that she did not overhear David
Redbury’s remark to the effect that Samson had not only used
all the energy which his great prototype had expended on the
pillars of the temple, to crush one small wine-glass; but had
then further deviated from Biblical history by inviting the
Philistines home with him to champagne and iced cake....
“Oh, hush, David!” from Nell.
“Well—look at us!” Israel was indeed enormously represented.
The rooms glimmered and glittered with the clan
Phillips. Already they owned Deb (“little Deb”); swarmed
about her in heavy, jocular proprietorship; bore her triumphantly
away to be robed for the honeymoon journey.
Mr and Mrs Samson Phillips left at 4.30, en route for
Torquay.
“Why did you ever tell me that falsehood?”
“I—I don’t know, Samson. What falsehood?”
“You do know, Deb.”
“I don’t know why I told it, Samson.”
“You’ve always been a good girl.” It was a statement,
not a query. A statement weighted with perplexity.
And: “Yes ...” she assented, “I’ve always been a good
girl.”
He was not so joyfully illuminated as might have been expected.
Indeed, he was conscious of being defrauded of an
essential occupation. He had married Deb, forgiving her.
He had meant to go on forgiving her. He would never stop
forgiving her. Now, in place of these anticipations, was a
vacuum....
PART IV
CHAPTER I
Nell and Timothy lay among thick buttercups. Here and
there the shimmering, glazed yellow lifted to circles of pale
cowslips. Nell’s russet silk jersey was a splash of deeper
colour in all the gold; the spilt pollen trembled on her loosened
plaits of hair, the lustreless heavy brown of water densely overhung.
Timothy thought he had never seen anyone more
beautiful ... and he was flying over to France the next day.
“Nell——”
“Wait a minute, Tim.... I’m thinking.” She dared
order him to wait, this fair young hero of hers. Because she
had learnt to believe, through a year of wonder, and hesitation,
and ignorance shaken into discernment, that he was indeed
hers. And with belief came power—oh, what strange new
power in her deep look ... young Nell knew everything now—all
about feelings and life and colour ... she knew what
feelings were when Timothy’s hand lay on her bare arm; and
life was—Oh, but she mustn’t tell ... not yet ... you
wouldn’t understand, because it’s all got to do with Timothy.
And colour was what happened to Timothy if near to him she
stirred or brushed his khaki sleeve....
She lay on her back among the buttercups; staring into the
sky, and thinking.
“You see,” at last, “it’s such a Great Responsibility.”
He nodded, and echoed her phrase: “Yes—it’s No End of a
Responsibility!”
He said this whenever they discussed the subject, and with a
more profound air of worry each time. And they had discussed
it so often. That New Generation! it really gave a
fellow a terrific lot to think about.
“It isn’t as if it were just you and me, Tim. That would be
so easy to settle. But—it’s all the others. Just think, Timothy,
how many are being beaten down to be miserable just because
they dare not walk away, be happy—like Gillian!”
“It’s awful!” Timothy’s eyes were round and solemn....
He was not frightfully keen on the New Generation. Had he
been a rollicking youngster, he would have puffed it away in a
laugh. But he followed laboriously where Nell led ... and
thus got his answer, from the lips of the acolyte and the disciple,
to the question he had once put to Blair Stevenson:
“Yes, but what’s it all about? What are they up to, these
girls?”
“Look here, Nell.... I do so want to—to marry you. I’ve
told you billions of times. Darling ...” he dropped to a
whisper; “Darling, I could get a special licence; won’t you? now
that——.” He meant to say “Now that I’m off to-morrow,”
but bit back the words, holding to an unspoken pact among
the young men who go into the fighting line, that the “last-day-of-all”
leverage is not a fair one to use in the shift of a girl’s
will.
“I can’t marry you, Tim. How could I ever look Gillian
in the face again? After she’s been so brave and wonderful
... just to show us all the way ... it’s simply nothing to
follow, after someone else has gone first!”
“But——” Timothy stopped, his light thick eyebrows were
drawn to a puzzled frown. Then he started off again—“I
don’t see what harm it does anyone, us being married?”
“Marriage—is—obsolete,” said Nell, with absolute dead
certainty. “And we owe it to the future, Timothy.”
“Owe what?”
“Not to give in.”
Nell was resolved not to give in. And hers was a nature of
such thick obstinacy as Timothy had not even begun to suspect.
There was little of Deb’s pliability about young Nell. Impressionable
she was, unexpectedly, as in the case of her
unswerving, unquestioning devotion to Gillian Sherwood, but
she could not be readily diverted this way and that, as could
Deb. This way—but not that.
“If we gave in and got married in the old stupid fashion,
then dozens of other twos might do it because we did.”
“Would that matter?” Timothy asked unhappily.
She flashed: “Oh, if you’d rather be just anybody instead
of Pioneers——” Then reproachfully, “You pretended to
agree last time we talked about it. You oughtn’t to pretend,
Timothy, because it makes me sort of step on something which
I’m quite sure is there but isn’t—like that funny, hateful feeling
when you go up one stair too much in the dark—d’you
know?”
“Yes. But it’s not so bad as when you don’t come down
one stair enough.”
“Yes, it is. It’s worse. Your way only makes one fall and
hurt oneself ... it’s quite ordinary. But the other way
gives you a—an inside feeling ... oh, I don’t know—like a
shock!”
“Well, anyway,” said Tim, trying to regain forfeited ground,
“I wasn’t pretending. Of course the idea is wonderful about
being pioneers, and not minding—and—and going first to
clear away the rubbish for the others. And of course I think it
no end plucky of Gillian to go and live with the fellow she loves,
nor bother a cuss about being married or anything. But—need
we?” He added: “You’re different, Nell ... that’s
what I mean.”
It was not quite all he meant. But how could he express his
sense of her harebell frailty; and his great desire—heritage of
two thousand years and more years behind—to act the male,
and protect her, and mightily build her round with protection
that not a whistleful of cold air could pierce one chink of his
protection on to one inch of her sensitive soul.
Nell loved Timothy. On the second of April (she remembered
the day) he had kissed her slowly and reverently—and then
suddenly, with queer eyes, and cherub’s mouth grimly puckered
and set, had strangled her body in his arms till she wondered....
Be sure a girl loves the boy in whose eyes she first sees
that special queer look called up by her.
But Gillian still claimed her worship. Gillian she still idealized
from footstool vantage. Gillian was a genius, and Gillian
was brave, and Gillian had taken careless notice of her, and
sometimes even been whimsically tender; Gillian had never
laughed at her—the least she could do in gratitude was to
regulate her conduct by Gillian’s; to trust and follow her
chosen pilot; not let the sacrifice be in vain.... Why,
supposing after Gillian had risked her very soul in daring
initiative, all her disciples had scuttled backwards from her
example ... and ... and got married! Nell’s face burnt
with the shame of it; she pressed her hot cheek down among
the cool stems.... Funny, how enormous the thicket of
buttercups looked above her, viewed right down here amongst
their beginnings ... flicker of green and shadow of gold and
minute fragments of notched fern and leaf, of weed and moss
and wee scurrying insects ... the polished petals bulged close
to her eyelids, a bright blue beetle swung like a jewel from the
tip of a blade of grass ... below all this stir and hurry and
colour—what else was there? Could she get deeper down into
it? Deeper and deeper? If she lay quite, quite still, would
the earth-life fold her up and cover her over with its smell and
its hum ... drowse—that was an earth-word.... Nell
repeated it softly ... “drowse ... drowse....”
“Billy Dawson’s number has gone up,” Timothy’s voice,
startlingly near and loud, split the little circle of hush she had
woven about her. “Saw it in the paper to-day. Poor old
Billy—he was one of the best. Brought down three Boches
first and then Archie got him. Rotten luck—I liked old Bill.
This was his second time out there....”
And all not quite as irrelevant as it appeared. Timothy felt
urgently the need of now or never making some special appeal
to Nell, a thrust to penetrate all her spiritual mufflers.
Because it so literally might be never—after to-day. But he
could not say this—there was the bother of it! It simply
wasn’t done in the Flying Corps—of course not. But maybe
if he just insinuated into her perception that airmen do occasionally
get killed—other airmen—especially when for the second
time out there—well, no harm in that, surely? Timothy,
whose natural blunt honesty did not often lead him into
strategy, now viewed himself as a very Machiavelli of subtle
craft. He watched her closely for a wash of deeper colour in
her neck and cheeks. But Nell rarely flushed ... and he
could not see her eyes....
A wind trembled over the top of the buttercups, swayed
them from misty gold to a brilliant shining sea of light....
“Oh!” and Nell sprang upright, “I want to get closer
to them—oh, how does one get closer and closer.... I
thought to lie in among them, but it doesn’t help a bit....”
She began to gather up whole masses of buttercups, not picking
each one singly from the stem, but tearing riotously, indiscriminately,
an armful at a time, as though she were quenching
a thirst.... Timothy, his gaze round with amazement,
wondered what was the secret spring of this outburst of passion,
venting itself on buttercups, millions of buttercups ...
already she had wrenched away more than she could carry;
they tumbled from her fingers, and unheeding she stepped on
them and grasped for more ... the long stems clung about
her ankles—tripped her to her knees. Timothy leapt forward
and clutched her as she fell against him—saw her and held her
and kissed her through the sharp-edged little petals—brushed
them impatiently away.... “Closer—and closer!” he
sobbed—
“Tim—I oughtn’t! We oughtn’t!...”
“It’s right—you said so....” (Timothy had no idea he
was being funny!)
The meadow, before these human babes stepped into it, was
scooped with the rhythm of a perfect yellow bowl. But now
the buttercups which had escaped the handling of Nell’s fever-fury,
stood away, aloof and delicate, from those other marred
and trampled patches ... buttercups wilting ... buttercups
dead.
CHAPTER II — I — II — III
“Deb?—oh, she’ll be all right in December,” said Mrs
Phillips to Beatrice, and Beatrice to Trudchen Redbury, and
Herbert and Abe to Samson, and Samson to Grandmother
Phillips, and Grandmother Phillips to Flo and Martha and
Gwendolen. “All right in December....”
“Poor Deb!”
“I think Samson is simply too sweet with her. I’ve never
seen anyone so devoted.”
“Of course it’s wonderful luck for Deb that he should
be employed at the arsenal, so that he can get home every
evening.”
“I don’t believe he’s missed a single evening since they
were married—how long is it now? Eight months.”
“It’s such a pity she wasn’t well enough to come to Grandma’s
birthday party, I can’t help thinking. You know, it’s important
for Samson—Grandma’s so fond of him—always has been—the
eldest ... and Deb’s rather extravagant. Well, of course,
she’s not used to managing yet—she does her best.”
“I’m afraid you’re right, Beattie. Because if she helped in
the garden, the gardener twice a week would have been
sufficient. But they have Mills on Mondays, Wednesdays,
and Fridays. I asked him. And snipping off dead blooms is
nothing really ... if you care about flowers. My son’s
favourite hobby, too ... one would have thought that Deb—of
course, I’m always there to instruct her how I manage about
my seeds, but—”
“Gwen and I have promised her to go in every morning for
two hours’ sewing. I still have the patterns we had for little
Fanny’s things.... Oh, she’ll be all right in December!”
This was early June.... In December Samson’s son was
to be born. Samson’s son—no misgiving in the minds of the
Phillips that Deb might be just the sort of girl to present him
with a daughter instead.... They trusted her to do her
best for the family. “I believe that trusting people is half
the battle,” said Beatrice brightly.
Samson had not yet recovered sufficiently from his bewilderment
at the discovery that Deb was a liar but no sinner, to
spread out the matter clearly in words before her, and ask for
enlightenment. Instead, he brooded.... What could have
been her possible object, wilfully to blacken her character in his
sight? And at that crucial period of her life, too, while he
was proposing to her?—“it might have put me right off....”
The magnanimous husband was uneasy whenever he thought
about it all. He felt like Falstaff among the lobs and gnomes on
midsummer night; a sensation of trickery somewhere; somewhere,
somebody laughing; an elusive tweak at his nose....
Why had Deb said: “I have not been good”? Why, as it
was palpably not true? Why had she afterwards pleaded for
his forgiveness? Why ... Samson hated things he could
not understand. He went about his home heavily, suspicious
that at any instant another such perplexity might pop up to
confront him.... He had taken Mab, Queen of the Pixies,
for wife....
They had settled down in Hampstead, to be near the rest
of the family. He had asked his family to see a lot of Deb,
adjudging their influence to be of solid benefit. His “little girl”
would have no time to fret after her clever (and immoral)
Bohemian friends, if she had always someone with whom to
chat; she would probably take to Flo most—Flo was so lively!
Really, almost a Bohemian herself (only moral).
And every night they all dined with Mrs Phillips and the
Phillips’ grandparents, or else with Hardy and Beatrice, or
with Abe and Martha, or with Florence and Gwendolen, who
were living together now their husbands were at the Front;
or else Mrs Phillips and the Phillips’ grandparents and Hardy
and Beatrice and Abe and Martha and Florence and Gwendolen
came to dine with Deb and Samson.... “We’re a very
united family, you know, Deb.”...
Deb, as hostess, used to combat boredom by a sinister little
game especially invented by herself for those occasions. She
used to pretend that one dish of the meal—only one dish—was
poisoned, by her express orders. It was quite amusing to note
which members of the family would eat of it, and which would
escape; and which only partially escape by helping themselves
very moderately.... Curious that Abe, her special aversion,
by some twist of luck, always passed over whatever dish it was
that Deb had fixed as lethal.... She realised that it would
be hard indeed to kill Abe!
If the Phillips were being particularly exasperating, then
Deb’s fancy would carry on the drama through the subsequent
stages of her sudden casual pronouncement of the impending
doom: “I think it only right to tell you all—forgive me for
interrupting you, Grandma—that the curry was poisoned, and
you’ve none of you more than a quarter of an hour to live.”
Oh, it was a childish game! Deb, aged twenty-six, wife of
Samson Phillips, prospective mother of a Phillips’ heir, mistress
of a fair-sized house and garden and two well-trained servants
and the gardener three times a week, Deb, anchored in harbour
at last, ought to have known better than to divert herself thus
idiotically. But—those Phillipses!
It was not as though they disapproved of her. That would
have been quite stimulating—to have been the object of violent
disapproval, perpetual scoldings and perpetual defiance, hers
the slightly supercilious attitude of the bomb which explodes
sensationally in a cabbage field ... after all, under such conditions,
the bomb is the centre of attention!
But the Phillipses took it so heartily for granted that Deb
was one of them; that their cheerful intelligent interests were
her interests; their alert and wholesome outlook, her outlook.
They were so unaware that other interests or outlook existed;
or, existing, that it could possibly claim a Phillips. For they
had taken her to the Phillips’ bosom—no, worse, they had
absorbed her into the Phillips’ bosom; wrapt her densely
round with warm affection and inquisitive solicitude; what
Deb did was right; and if it were not quite right yet, that did
not matter either, because Deb was doing her best. Inconceivable
to them that she should not be doing her best, trying
hard, where Samson and the family and the household and the
future heir were concerned. Even as they would believe to the
end of all time that chocolate pudding was her favourite
pudding, so not a doubt existed but that Deb was all right—except
when it was natural she should not be all right—and
that would be all right in December....
Therefore Deb poisoned them, one by one, and was not even
sorry. It was a pity only that there was no one in whom to
confide these illicit prancings of her imagination. Samson
would certainly not have seen the joke. Besides, she was
rather afraid of Samson. He read the Faerie Queene aloud
to her on Sunday afternoons, sitting in the garden, with a rug
over her knees and cushions at her back; and sometimes he
paused to interpret the more difficult parts of the allegory;
and often, playfully, he called her Una—yes, he could do so
now, because she was a pure girl, though he still did not
understand why....
There was compensation in her life when Ferdie came round
towards six o’clock on dry evenings; exultantly dragged out
the hose; and solemnly, but with a kind of red beam shining
behind the solemnity, watered the two long flower-beds and the
one short one which bounded their half-acre of garden; which
was not at all unlike their old garden at Daisybanks, with its
one shady tree over the tea-table, and the earwiggy arbour;
only the Virginia creeper over the back of the house was
lacking; the mat of dark polished ivy was not one-quarter as
lovable as the clinging tendrils and late crimson she tenderly
remembered.
“Richard is so happy nowadays,“ Ferdie would confide in
his daughter, perhaps with a wistful plea for reassurance that he
had not been the cause of Richard’s year of wretchedness.
“He reads of military history and air tactics all day long....
I believe he thinks himself already a captain in the R.F.C.”
And this also was good to hear.
Of her previous gang of friends, Deb saw only Antonia.
Cliffe was forbidden; Zoe—obviously one could never be
quite sure what Zoe would say! Her blend of Palais Royale
adventure and eighteenth-century interpretation thereof, was
perilous, in the presence of Samson or Mrs Phillips or Martha.
And they had all heard of Gillian and her achievements in
science, and had heard a vague report, too, that there was
something “not quite nice” about her. Celebrities were often
like that, of course, and one did not mind a bit; but then—one
did not come in social contact with celebrities. They were
both too good and not good enough for the Phillips’ standard.
Perhaps anyway for the moment it was better that little Deb—“What
do you think, Samson?” “I don’t want her to be
lonely, but you see a lot of her, don’t you, Beattie? you and
the girls and mother? I don’t want her to mope!”
“Oh, we’ll see that Deb isn’t much alone,” promised Beattie,
laughing; “I expect she’ll almost wish us away sometimes....”
La llorraine was an impossible visitor. Manon, on the other
hand, as Mrs Dolph Carew, was welcomed by the Phillips,
who thought her “quite a sweet little thing” and admired her
demure manners and prim foreign enunciation; and chaffed
her for her perfectly conventional point of view—for the
Phillipses considered themselves too intelligent to be altogether
conventional. Morals were different ... morals could be
taken for granted, like Deb’s allegiance to the family, and
Synagogues on Saturday, and clean white kid gloves, and a
joint on Sundays, and England through thick and thin, and the
windows always a little open in the children’s nurseries, and
other matters of unalterable standing.
Nell Redbury had entirely taken over Deb’s canteen job, so
she was seldom available for companionship. The other
Redburys came and went, linked by Beatrice to the Phillipses;
Otto, still offended with Deb for her marriage, peevishly forbade
Trudchen to instruct her in private succulent recipes for
Samson’s delectation. Hedda was not very interesting—perhaps
because she tried so hard to be interesting. She
pronounced “temperament” with a far-away look and an
accent on the last syllable; and lamented how wild and free
a demi-maid she might have been had not Gustav Fürth
unfortunately made her his wife before she had even time to
get properly started. She capped conversation persistently
with the two phrases “Je n’en vois pas la nécéssité,” and
“Ça n’empêche pas les sentiments,” which really, uttered with
the right air of esprit and diablerie, could be made to impart an
indecent flavour to almost any subject. Hedda was ...
rather superfluous. It was not as though she were definitely
musical, like David, or definitely beautiful, like young Nell;
or possessed the quaint wit of Hardy; or the charm and
vitality of Con. Deb did not care about Hedda. Deb was
becoming desperate with boredom ... her condition made
boredom not lethargic but a restless agony; the poisoning
game had lost any power to relieve those long family dinners,
and appeared merely futile; the Phillipses were growing ever
fonder and more fond of her. She felt her ego to be a tiny
object lost inside an enormous parcel, to which everybody had
wrapped round yet another layer, till the Phillipses had put on
the final brown paper and string. And Samson abandoned the
title of Una, and proudly took to calling her “little Mother.”...
This was an inadequate excuse for her visit to Blair
Stevenson’s rooms. But.... “He might have waited at
least another six months ... till December. But I know
they are all going to be facetious about that baby!”
Her boredom was solely of the mind. Physically, she was
feeling brilliantly well, abnormally vital. Her vitality was not
allowed to be idle.... Samson, like so many rigid Puritans,
was also a sensualist. And Deb, tired of the game itself
reiterated, longed once more for the demi-game which was so
much a play of the mind ... a play of two minds; entraining
imagination and nimble fantasy and fear and danger ... all
the fine shades. Promiscuous adventure had become with
her too much a habit to break off with one wrench. The first
thought of Blair was an inevitable reaction from “being good.”
Inevitably, also, she englamoured her final experience before
Samson acquired her as his legal possession, and forgot that
Blair had not given great satisfaction, either, in the matter of
... well, ecstasy. Remembered only that he was her kindred
in mind; that he had the light twist of humour she so missed;
the faculty to play; and to play up ... sometimes a visionist,
sometimes a kindly cynic, always the man of deep and great
experience ... she was never dull with Blair. And if the
missing thrill had been her fault, not his, then perhaps now she
was married, things would be different....
Anyway, she was only going to look at his rooms, from the
outside ... because he was still away, still in America. She
was only going to steal from her cosy dug-out back again to
No Man’s Land, so that at dinner with the Phillipses to-morrow,
she might console herself deliciously by the thought that she
was a secret rebel to that irksome old Phillips’ Illusion.
Certainly Blair was still away, or—or Antonia would have
mentioned it (would Antonia?). So the expedition on to
forbidden territory had the merit of being also perfectly safe.
And yet she might not have gone ... had not general
conditions grouped themselves in a way so absurdly conventional
that she could not refuse to attend to her obvious
stage directions. For duty obliged Samson to stay away for
a night; and this fact he paraded with so much pomp and
formality and vexation, made such vigilant arrangements for
the disposal of his little wife’s loneliness, and reassured her so
often as to his certain return the following night, that the
comedy of the deceived husband suggested itself automatically—to
anyone whose brain worked like Deb’s. And then Abe
rang up from a call-office to say that Martha (whom Samson’s
care had ensured as a companion for Deb that night) had a
bilious attack, and did not want to go out, and would Deb come
to her instead, or should they let Florence know to go round?
Deb herself, being at that moment in the bath, did not answer
the telephone, but received the information from a breathless
housemaid, who thought the telephone “a nasty thing,” liable
at any moment to explode, so that she never listened long
enough to receive and deliver a message as it was given. Deb
did not bother to turn off the taps, but called back carelessly
through the rush and splutter, that she’d expect Florence and
would run round to see how Martha fared in the morning.
She repeated this twice; and turning off the water a moment
later, heard afar off the voice of the housemaid explaining
that Mrs Samson Phillips would go round to Mrs Abe Phillips,
and expect to see Mrs Herbert Phillips in the morning....
“Muddler!” reflected Deb. And then she smiled ... all
the banal mechanism was so absurdly in her favour—husband
away—a muddle on the telephone—suppose she assumed that
her bath-water had run on a minute or two longer, swamping
all sound, then she would apparently be justified in her late
appearance at Martha’s by an after explanation that she had
remained at home waiting for Flo, according to arrangement.
It seemed a pity to waste all this most excellent clockwork on
an appointment with last year’s shadows in Jermyn Street.
But still, even Blair’s wraith might be more amusing than a
surfeit of Abe or Flo.... Deb never bothered to resist the
guidance of external circumstances....
Straight to Jermyn Street ... the servants would believe
she had gone round to Martha.... Then an hour later she
would appear at Martha’s, saying reproachfully that she had
been waiting all the time for Flo.... Nobody would bother to
verify the discrepancy in time; the loss of an hour....
So—straight to Jermyn Street ... just for the fun of it!
Just for the fun of huddling herself in a disguising cloak, and
once again creeping with awed feet along that silent,
mysterious avenue where “men of the world” abode ... for
the fun of gazing wistfully up at the imperturbable stone frontage
behind which playtime lay forgotten ... for the fun of being
once more in mischief, dreading discovery, thrilling at her own
daring ... for the fun of flouting the Phillips’ Illusion!
“He is still in America,” for his windows showed sombre.
But she remembered that in these days of air-raids, the erring
woman, creeping back to her past, could no longer expect to
see the welcoming gleam from her lover’s lamp—or candle—or
electric light.... It was still possible that Blair was at home....
But of course he was in America!
Crouching against the pillar at the foot of the steps, it struck
her how in picture she resembled her private and particular
horror as she had once described it to Gillian—the wanton
always and inevitably “left,” outcast in the rain and the cold,
while inside husband and wife contentedly read aloud the
Faerie Queene....
“I only need the baby under my shawl....”
And suddenly she flushed crimson, there to herself in the
dusk; and in secret shame sprang quickly to her feet, “I’m
going home—to Flo, I mean—”
And banality, stage-manager till the end, at that moment
smartly brought up Blair Stevenson to the foot of the steps;
and suggested he should switch on his torch to aid his search
for the keyhole—the flare of light swept across Deb’s face.
Deb arrived at Martha’s, wondering if anyone so virtuous as
herself had ever inhabited Hampstead or the universe. The
scene with Blair had been a most astonishing one. Not only
did he subtly convey to her his refusal to meet her on the old
terms of play, but he rather more directly than usual put to
her the choice of being extremely good or—or extremely bad.
Blair—who of all men had seemed to acquiesce in the demi-game
for the demi-maid! Blair, who was practically the inventor of
fine shades.... “Quite so, my dear—but now—” he
lightly touched the wedding ring on her finger.
“Does that make a difference?”
The slice from the cut loaf....
Almost crude, from Blair!
“Don’t look so taken aback, child.... Deb, what did
you expect? Come, let’s talk it out, you and I.”
So they sat on the narrow stone balcony jutting over the street—and
side by side, without a touch between them, had talked
... about touch, and about play, and marriage, and good old
times, and loaves, and the demi-game, and the point of view
of the man....
“You can’t go all the way, and then half way back, Deb. Nor
will you find a partner to step that dance with you. Our old
instinctive obeisance before the maiden doesn’t hold good
before the wife, so why should I—or any man—be content with
half?”
“I thought you had enjoyed it ...” whispered Deb.
“You were always ... quite charming, dear. But—put
it like this: supposing there had been no one else for me,
during our friendship, do you think then, that our friendship
as it was would have been enough?”
“For me!”
“For me?”
“Then there was—someone all the time?”
“Indeed there was ...” his smile entered her into his
confidence.
“I don’t mind ...” said Deb uncertainly.
“Of course you don’t. But—now, there’s no reason, is there,
why you shouldn’t be that somebody yourself?”
She shook a doubtful head.
“I love your mop of hair, Deb—I’m glad you cut it.”
“I wanted to look like a boy—”
“You look the most girlish creature that ever plagued a
man with promises.”
She interrupted with a quick: “I never promised anything.”
“Not with your mouth, Deb. Not with speech, rather....
How am I now to wind the thick black tresses round your
throat, Deborah?”
“You’ll have to abandon that pretty old-world pastime—”
flippantly. “Or take the bell-rope.”
“Will I have to abandon pastime altogether?”
“It’s for you to say.”
“For you to choose—all or nothing ... dearest.”
She said petulantly: “I didn’t come here for these ponderous
life-or-death choosings—I came for ... for Japanese lanterns
dancing in the tree-tops.”
“That sort of thing. Yes—
‘A tinkering with the lute of love
By a nervous hand in a padded glove.’”
He broke off, shrugged his shoulders, gesture which conveyed
without insult: “Ça ennui, à la fin....”
Then still without touching her: “Well—is it to be the faithful
wife?”
“I think so,” said Deb, and added politely: “But thank
you very much indeed for having been so kind to me in the
past.”
“—Or may I have the privilege of loving you as much as
I have never dared to love you?” he continued, unheeding her
reply.
Deb slowly turned her head to look at him. A very wan
moon shivering through the darkness, helped her scrutiny....
She laughed softly: “You don’t love me one bit, Blair. Nor
are you likely to.”
“If I told you how much,” murmured the diplomat, “I
should influence your choice unfairly.”
“That’s exactly what Samson said when he wouldn’t take
my hand before proposing to me. Oh dear—I suppose it will
have to be Samson—and everlasting virtue—and dinner with
my mother-in-law to-morrow. There is no choice, Blair—as
things are ...” and she sighed, thinking of December. “If
it weren’t for family claims, I might ask you to be godfather,
Blair....”
“I see.”
Abruptly he stood up.
“If you don’t intend to burn your boats—then it’s too late
and too dark for you to be sitting alone with me here. Run
home, little mother—silly child, you need a lot of looking after,
don’t you?”
He thrust such whimsical tenderness into the inflexion “silly
child” that she forgave him “little mother,” as she would
never forgive Samson. But she wished she had been the first
to think of going home....
“We part good friends, Deb?”
And she, demurely: “My At Home day is on second
Sundays.”
And they laughed into each other’s eyes—excellent friends.
So perhaps for the first time in her life, Deb had definitely
underlined a previous decision, instead of cancelling it. In
marrying Samson, she was “being good”; in her refusal to
lapse from fidelity, she was still “being good”.... Incredible!
Her pleased and proud astonishment had hardly
subsided, when her husband returned late the following afternoon.
“I rang up last night, trunk call, just to see if the little woman
was all right without me,” he remarked fondly, over the fish;
“it was about nine o’clock, but the line must have been out
of order—I couldn’t get a reply.”
“I daresay the line was all right, but cook was out, and I
simply can’t get Annie to realise that the ’phone isn’t a wild
beast. She was probably cowering under the kitchen table,
while it rang.”
“But you would have answered it if it had rung?”
“No—I was at Marty’s.”
“Not at nine o’clock. I dropped in just now to see Abe on
business, and he said you didn’t turn up till twenty-five minutes
past ten, because of some mistake in a message. If you were
at home and didn’t hear the ’phone bell yourself, you shouldn’t
be so quick to blame Annie. I believe in being just with
servants, Deb. Or—weren’t you at home?”
She lost her bearings. “Oh ... I don’t know....”
The phrase irritated him—reminded him of a previous
occasion when she had used it ... a dialogue on their
wedding night.... If Deb were altogether to be trusted ...
he was not the man to ask questions when once he trusted his
wife. But Deb—Deb had not been like other girls. So Deb
was not like other wives. And now, the minute he left her—
Stale type of suspicious husband, Samson glowered, pulled
his moustache, meditated, decided to pass over the incident,
changed his mind—and broke out:
“Look here, Deborah—I’m sick of all this shifting about. It
all goes back further than last night. I’m going to get to the
bottom of the matter. You’ve got to give me a plain answer
to a plain question. Why did you tell me a year before I
married you, that you weren’t a good girl?”
Beat back through all that undergrowth? back and back—tangled
motive, and reaction, and example, the example of
Jenny Carew, once—but that was all over ... a word read at
a critical moment ... moods, and the love of whirlwind
disguises ... mischief—boredom.... Yes, yes, further
back still ... influence, of course—the influence of Cliffe
Kennedy, of Gillian.... Well, but that was recent—and
behind that? The undergrowth thicker, thickening ... her
innate recoil from stinginess; the girl who will not give....
To and fro her mind rushed and stumbled with a snapping of
twigs in the undergrowth ... trying, obediently trying, to
find out why had she told that silly senseless lie ... the
Phillips family—fear of being sucked into respectability—fear
of the fate of the wanton—fear of wasting, of not being wanted....
Aunt Stella.... And the scene with Ferdie.... If
they did not believe her good, she would at least be bad....
That look in Blair’s eyes when he thought—no, that was
afterwards.... Women, everywhere women ... and
chastity which was endless vigil.... Richard crying with
his head in her lap.... So she married Samson, yes, and
meant to be decent to him—if she could not be bad, she would
as least be good—good—good.... So she married Samson,
now confronting her in the attitude of fanatic orthodoxy,
waiting to “get to the bottom of it”—of what? Of all her
life, and the lives stretching behind her, and the Cosmos that
had shaped her—the entire matted web of cause and effect?
All this? How could she hope to drag his understanding in
her wake? His understanding that was such a thoroughly
awkward shape—unpliable, granite-hewn, rigid corners and
lumps, bits of lichen in all the crannies.... Why, she could
not even push through the labyrinth herself, with all her
squirrel facility....
“Give me plain answer—”
Plain answer? And suddenly Deb realised the impossibility
of even trying; she was too weary; weary of muddle,
weary of herself. There was no plain answer to anything—in
her language; no answer that was not plain—in Samson’s.
So again she just said, replying to his question: “I—don’t—know.”
“But you must know.”
“I mean—you wouldn’t understand, even if I told you.”
“There ought not to be anything to tell. A good wife has
nothing to tell her husband....”
Deb laughed ironically—“Well, and I’ve nothing to tell you,
so it’s all right.”
“And we had such a jolly talk—and laughed—and sat side
by side—and no harm at all,” she whispered to her memory
of the half-hour on the balcony with Blair. “And I meant
to be so nice to Samson ever afterwards.”... But how would
Samson interpret a confession that she had not heard him
telephoning, because she was at that moment visiting Blair
Stevenson? It would be rather fun to hear him thunder the
inevitable accusations. And yet—and yet—Deb was conscious
that she had rather outgrown this sort of cheap fun—outgrown
masquerade—outgrown rebellion. She wanted her child,
Samson’s child, to be born in this harbourage of comfort and
tenderness and soft wrappings and people to make things easy—yes,
even the Phillips family. After all, it would be a Phillips’
infant; and they were kind—always kind. She could not face
the shawl-and-cold-stone-step business, with a baby to be born in
December. Deb looked at Samson, her eyes very dark and grave....
Should she propitiate him? If this time—then for always.
Can you do it, Deb? Kick away indecision and folly and
petulance, little passions and the big passion?... “Suppose
I went to Blair altogether, as he has asked me to come?”...
And for the kiddie—what? No Man’s Land again, a thousand
times worse than her own experience of the between-region;
the outer edge of things; no established identity.... What
was the old game they used to play at Daisybanks? She
and Richard and the Rothenburg children?—Touch Wood
... Touch Wood ... and (triumphantly) “Home!”...
But oh, the awful dogged exhaustion of being chased without
a blessed knowledge of “home” to be gained at a dash.
Deb made up her mind.
Then she crossed the room to her husband, and put both her
arms round his neck—he was looking more than ever like Oliver
Cromwell, with his features set into those harsh lines—and
propitiated him. Whispered futile childish explanations of
her conduct the night before ... dawdling about in her room
till late—knew she was naughty to dawdle—didn’t care!—heard
the ’phone bell and was too lazy to go down to answer
it.... “Didn’t know it was you, Samson ... please!
Thought it was Marty being cross at the other end ’cos I was
keeping them all waiting.... Sorry! very sorry.... Oh, do
pull out those furrows on each side of your mouth—one could
grow potatoes in them.... Samson, don’t you believe me?”
Head snuggling and rubbing his cheek——
It was so much less bother this way—the way of least
resistance. And anyhow, she had started all wrong, years
ago, from the very beginning. Let others beat out the pioneer
track—hers to make “home” for the little daughter. “Touch
Wood,” “Touch Wood”—and already Samson was smiling
at her, fondling her ear.... He did not quite believe her;
he would recur to his suspicions later on; but for the moment
Deb’s sweet ways had placated him. He thought: “She is
growing ever so much more tractable, with happiness....”
CHAPTER III — I — II
“I’ve come to say good-bye,” David Redbury explained
jubilantly to La llorraine; “the Jewish regiment sails to-morrow,
and I’ve dragged this fellow out to see me through my
farewell visits,” indicating Richard, who leant in the doorway
of the drawing-room with “buck-up-and-get-it-over” expressed
in every reluctant line of his figure.
“He’s steadier than I am, you know, and one is liable to
make such wild strange promises on these occasions. Supposing,
for instance, Madame, that I were to send for you the
minute the war is over, and I pitch my tent by the shores of
Jordan ... would you come?”
“I say to you, my dee-urr,” and the prima-donna, in an
incongruously correct sports-shirt, collar and tie, smiled
whimsically over her owlish spectacles at his gallantry; “I
say to you vot I zay to zat ozzer little fellow I see last night
at the Tube corner—ah, he was a beauty, that one, with the
skin of a peach ... and he watch me a little, I, in my black
gown and my black hat, very tall, very femme du monde—you
see it? And he say to himself—‘It is for the first time I
adventure—perhaps one wiz experience?—I learn somsing—Better
so. Vot should I with a pretty flapper, and she so
innocent and I so ignorant—Awful! A desperate affair.’ So
I watch him make that reflection. And presently he move
closer sideways, and he make his little proposition.... And
I put my two hands on his shoulders, surprising him. And I
say: ‘My boy—you are moch too young—and I am moch
too old ... is it not so?’”
Her deep, hearty laugh rang infectiously. Even Richard
joined in, and Manon, albeit not quite sure whether the mother
of Mrs Dolph Carew ought not to recoil with more dignity from
these trifling incidentals of dusk and Tube corners. As for
David, he vowed she was adorable.
“Ah, but the Comtesse—there is one! Vonderful! You
vait and see her? Yes? She lonch with me to-day—her
birthday.... I tell you, a great affair. We all lunch
together? And you, who lof that Continent of ours, you shall
eat——” She whispered to David, her arm encircling his
khaki; his thin face vivid with appreciative reminiscence, as she
reeled off the names of what Richard emphatically, but in
silence, registered as “foreign muck.”
The Comtesse arrived, and La llorraine, shedding all bourgeoise
preoccupation with the menu, welcomed her as an exiled
ambassadress welcomes exiled royalty.
The two ladies kissed a great many times, with rapid interchange
of cheeks, and uttering short staccato exclamations;
and then held each other a short way off for mutual and admiring
survey.
The Comtesse was large, and wore a black picture hat on her
crude vermilion chevelure; a mustard-coloured coat and
skirt, and a pink ninon blouse crossed by a spray of limp
cotton poppies that looked as though they had passed their
lives pressed close to a stiff shirt-front. She exhausted so much
space in her vicinity, magnetically as well as materially, that
her fellow-beings were wont to move some distance away to
avoid being absorbed by suction.
“My dee-urr,” said La llorraine solemnly. “Never—never—never
haf I seen you looking so well as in that blouse....”
She introduced David and Richard with a great deal of
ceremonial; and the Comtesse put her hand to her heart and
gasped that they both reminded her of Antoine, mon fils.
“That one, in particular,” indicating David, “is his living
image. I vow, he might be his brother.”
“I rejoice that is not the case, Madame, since it would deny
the possibility of any more gallant relationship between you
and me.”
“Mon Dieu—quel garçon!” the Comtesse delightedly
flicked him across the cheek. And Richard marvelled at his
friend’s fluent impudence. But this was the atmosphere in
which David revelled.
The company sat down to lunch, and La llorraine apologized
with sad dignity for her so humble apartment and for inadequacy
of service. Generously the Comtesse reassured her
that where loyalty and ancient friendship existed, the third
footman might quite well be lacking. Then reverting to the
question of the blouse—
“I am broken-heart,” the Comtesse announced dramatically;
“I can wear it not. It is over—done—finish. Behold! I
throw it away!”
“Tell me,” La llorraine spoke in deep sympathy, but restraining
the outflung hand from more positive operation in the
direction of the ninon blouse—“what is it, then, has happened?”
“It shows the camisole—you see—it show it everywhere.
Elsewhere but in this country what do I care? But my
durrling, I have a lowndress”—and the Comtesse dropped her
voice to a curdling whisper—“a lowndress?—No. She is a
vipère....”
“Ha!” The other prima donna sprang to her feet, galvanized
into opposition melodrama by the word “laundress”—“You
say lowndress?—Look hee-urr!”—Oblivious of Manon,
David, and Richard, she wrenched open her blouse, as Cleopatra
might have done to reveal the bite of the asp. The Comtesse
leant forward: “And look!” She was holding out her
blouse tautly from her bosom, leaving a gap, down which La
llorraine peered.... “Ah-h-h ... yes, it is so ... they
are in a conspiracy—I say it! ... they destroy—they have
no reverence for lace—for embroidery—for the terruly artistic
lingerie!—to zem it is all calico wiz—what is it the jeune fille
wear in this England?—calico wiz edging—advertised ‘durable!’”
Scorn quivered to a climax, and slowly subdued; La
llorraine and the Comtesse sank back into their separate chairs,
and looked about them, gently smiling.
“This sauce is of an excellence,” said the Comtesse.
“Oh, my dee-urr,” La llorraine deprecated.
“My pauvre Antoine desires in his last letter to be remembered
to you and to Mademoiselle votre fille,” the Comtesse recollected,
sinking into melancholy over the message to Manon;
Antoine, it might be gleaned by the exchange of looks between
the two elder ladies, cherished a hopeless but entirely respectful
passion for the erstwhile ingénue. He was nineteen, decadent
and penniless ... nevertheless, La llorraine had long regarded
him as a factor in her “plans” for the safe bestowal of her
daughter into matrimony; plans only relegated into hasty
obscurity by Dolph’s sudden accession to his uncle’s wealth.
“I have brought his letter.” His mother read aloud a few
sentences that breathed such fervent affection for herself,
and such rapt adoration for la patrie, that Richard turned
crimson at the young Frenchman’s lack of churlish restraint,
and David, catching sight of his agony, chuckled evilly....
“What’s the matter, Marcus?”
Manon subtly gave the mother of Antoine to understand that
she would not object at any opportunity that offered, to renew
her acquaintance with the young man, from a purely matronly
standpoint ... “perhaps I may be of use to him....”
The mother of Antoine, with equal subtlety, gave Manon to
understand that the young man realized he would find her more
accessible—and of more use to him—now than as a strictly
chaperoned ingénue; and would therefore pay his respects to
her on his very first leave, if, of course, agreeable to Monsieur
Dolph Carew....
And La llorraine twinklingly sanctioned this appointment.
Had not Manon skilfully piloted herself into a marriage, at an
early age? thereby proving herself far more discreet and
competent than any of these English girls, sailing chartless
through their late twenties. Manon could be trusted to handle
such agreeable little interludes in matrimony as Antoine might
provide. “It is only natural zat my child should now vant that
good time,” reflected La llorraine, in exact reversal of the argument
of Ferdinand Marcus—but virtue before marriage, and a
good time after, was Continental fashion.
A small joint of veal appeared on the table. Veal was
scarce at this time, and the hostess received as no more than
her due the anticipatory smiles of the Comtesse. “But what
success,” she murmured. The first slice was carved ... and
tragedy fell like a dark mantle upon the scene.
“It is almost raw,” exclaimed Manon, shaping prevalent
conviction at last into speech.
“I know it,” said her mother in a tone ominously quiet.
“But what matter!” cried the Comtesse hectically.
La llorraine stood looking down upon the pink flesh among
the gravy. She held the carvers in her hands, which suddenly
she upraised in denunciation towards the ceiling.
“That woman! That char-r-r! I swear it—we part, she
and I—but at once. In this house she shall not eat again.
Heart-breaking; unthinkable. I have been good to her....
Ven her fourth durrty baby had ze pebbles—Bah, one does not
speak of these trifles! I ask her in return: Prepare me this
little loin of veal with care. Let it be just brown ... with
stuffing—so!—the stuffing I made with my own hands. My
dee-urr, should I be ashamed of it! I who thought to make
you pleasure.... You who spoke to me of how difficult to
buy veal.... Ah! I remember—and I bring it home zis
morning, I smile, I am a little triumphant—why not? it is after
all an occasion, that you come to eat here in my poor apartments—I
desire to do you honour—And that woman—she spoil
it all. She shall fly. Raw meat! My dee-urr, it is an insult to
you, my guest....”
The Comtesse strove to calm her, to rally her from ferocious
gloom.
“Durr-ling, see—eet is not so bad. I eat some ... wiz
pleasure. True that I cannot bear the meat underdone, I
shudder at it—but your thought of me was everything. It brings
the tears. See, I eat some more of it.... We haf had to
put up with moch, by this c-r-ruel war. Sit down then, chère
llorraine, and to-day in a week you shall déjeuner with me in
my little flat—my chef, Ludovici, shall be specially instructed—he
fails me never, Ludovici—so devoted is he. Chérie, you
should keep men, rather than these char-rr-women. I say it
to you. It is shame to spoil good veal.... But,” after a
pause, and with forced sprightly enthusiasm, “how excellent
are the potatoes!”
“It is from your noble heart that you speak,” cried La
llorraine. And embraced her friend.
“Aren’t they luscious?” David chuckled, as he and Richard
walked down Edgware Road.
“’Um. You like these rum people, don’t you? It struck
me the two old women kicked up a lot of silly fuss about the
veal, that’s all.”
“And what sort of people does your Unappreciative Highness
consider an improvement on La llorraine and the Comtesse?”
“The sensible sort—like the Dunnes. I’m going to stay
with ’em next week. Grev’s home, training for the R.N.A.S.
And young Frank’s just out of Osborne.”
“Here—get on this Oxford Circus bus—I want to buy presents
for everybody this afternoon, to love me by when I’m gone.
You can help me choose—you have such taste and originality,
dear Richard!”
“Feeling lively, aren’t you?” grunted Richard, as they
climbed to the top of the bus. A shower of rain had washed
the two rows of seats empty for them.
“So would you be, if you’d got rid of a nightmare like
mine....”
“’M yes—I know something about getting rid of nightmares.”
This was the black September of his eighteenth birthday, but
Deb had saved him.... At any moment now, he might
expect to hear from Samson that he was exempt from internment,
and eligible to enlist. So Richard was in high spirits as
well, though they did not leap and exult and fling themselves
about and glitter into speech as uncontrollably as did David’s.
David was in quicksilver mood on the eve of his embarkation
for Palestine.
“Just not to be ordered to kill Jews. Men with faces like
mine, and exquisitely humorous noses like mine.... I used
to lie awake and think of it ... the rush into the opposite
trench, and my rifle in the stomach of another Jew, tugging at
it to get it out—get it out ... while he looked at me—with my
own eyes.... Well, thank God, I shall be spared that, at
least!”
“I don’t suppose they’d have massed all the German Jews
there are, in the bit of trench opposite yours,” Richard argued.
“One would have been enough, thanks,” grimly. “I wouldn’t
have minded laying in among those swaggering Prussian crop-heads
who have always shoved the Jews off the pavement
... but it does make a difference in war whom one fights.”
“Don’t see it.”
David laughed: “I might have known that even Richard
the Second has his limitations!” and indeed Richard’s later-born
understanding of things below the surface had thickened
somewhat again during his past year of reprieve.
The Conductor came round; and David said, “I’ll stand the
ice-cream if you’ll stand the fares.”
“Right. Lend me some coppers then, till I change a quid.”
David had only half-a-crown, and the conductor handed
Richard back two and fourpence. David eyed the coins mournfully....
“And ’e didn’t pay for ze tr-ram fares,” he sang,
in imitation of a music-hall Hebrew comedian. “I foresee much
trouble hereafter over these reckonings. Look!” with a
sudden wild lurch to starboard—“No—not there, you ass!
Chalked on the pavement!”
“‘British troops across the Jordan’—that’s good going!”
“And he says ‘that’s good going!’ He says it stolidly, as
though it were British troops across the Regent’s Canal—Man,
man, where’s your imagination? The names—the
ancient names—don’t they fire you at all? Jerusalem! Beersheba!
Gaza! Mount Sinai! The Red Sea!... Why
they’re our history—ours. They call like trumpets. And to
think I shall be out there among it all in a few weeks.
Dealing blows for my own land! Richard, it—it drives me
crazy....”
David’s eyes were a blaze of bright brown; his mouth
trembled—“Doesn’t it excite you that the Jews are going to
win back the Holy Land for the Jews?—it must excite you,” he
pleaded.
“I didn’t know you were a Zionist.”
“I am—and this war ought to have made you a Zionist as
well.—Come along, we get off at this corner.—Hasn’t it proved
incontestably that you’ve got to have some place to be patriotic
about, if you’re to be patriotic at all? The English have had
one spasm of illumination by which they saw that; and so the
Jewish regiment was formed, and so they’re going to give us
back Palestine, after the war.... Israel for the Israelites—and
our gratitude to England....” David leapt on to the
pavement, walked along for a few moments in silence, and then
said in his most matter-of-fact voice—“They shall learn that
the Jew can give his pound of flesh as well as claim it.”
“They want to get rid of you—and that’s the whole spasm,”
Richard chaffed the enthusiastic young Zionist—“Fed up with
the Chosen Race—too clever by half.”
But David was in too radiant a humour to be baited. He
merely declaimed in answer to the taunt:
“A Prince without a sword,
A Ruler without a Throne;
Israel follows her quest.
In every land a guest,
Of many lands a lord,
In no land King is he.
But the fifth Great River keeps
The secret of her deeps
For Israel alone,
As it was ordered to be....”
“Not a gleam of response? Not one?” staring at his companion’s
impassive features. “That’s Kipling, you know.
You ought to be chockful of him—Shall we have ice-cream sodas
at Fuller’s now, or shop first?”
“Fuller’s now,” briefly emphatic. And they marched in.
“Yes, Kipling ought to be the god of your budding manliness:
burly and brutal and blustering, and hit-the-bloody-nail-on-its-blasted
head ... all that. I expect you’ve got ‘If’
pinned up over your washstand, haven’t you?”
“Not keen. (Raspberry, please....) Some poetry’s not
bad. I like Rupert Brooke.”
“Not never you don’t? You are a little bundle of
surprises....
“Here am I, sweating, sick and hot,
And there the shadowed waters fresh
Lean up to embrace the naked flesh.
Temperamentvoll German Jews—
Drink beer around.”—
Yes, he’s a poet right enough. How he makes one feel all
his ache for the cool glimmer of an English stream—his loathing
of fat bodies, and the wheezy moist voices and the sun flashing
on the curve of their beaks?”
“Can you understand that bit? Good Lord, how funny!
Should have thought——”
“What?” David’s eyes, brimful of suppressed amusement,
met Richard’s over the rim of his glass.
“Should have thought it would have offended you. What
the deuce are you laughing at now, Redbury? I’m glad you
don’t sail for Palestine every to-morrow.... You’re all over
the place; like Deb used to be before a party. Here—no—”
as the bill was laid beside them; “I want change for a pound
to pay you back for the ’bus. You can square with me over
this afterwards.”
The change was brought; eighteen shillings. Richard gave
the waitress fourpence in coppers.... “Come along.”
“That was my fourpence,” said David. “You had no
coppers in your pocket. It was over from the half-crown I
lent you on the ’bus to stand me my fare. This is going to be
a serious business in settling up, Marcus. It ought to be
attended to at once.”
“Quite simple; if I borrowed half-a-crown, as you say——”
“If? You did.”
“And I pay your penny fare as well as my own, then I owe
you two and fourpence——”
“No, you don’t. You owe me two and six. No, two and
eight. My own original half-crown and twopence for the fares.”
“Why should I pay you twopence for the fares—you’re not
the bus conductor? Two-and-four I owe you. I can’t give
you the fourpence—I’ve just given it away, and I’ve no more
small change. Here’s two bob and I owe you fourpence.”
“You’re all wrong, my lad. Think you can teach a Jew?
I’ll argue my rights to the last halfpenny, if I have to take you
along to Palestine to do it.”
“Argue away,” grinned Richard.
“You were to pay the bus fares, and I the ice-cream sodas.
That was the bond. A confoundedly generous bond, considering
you wolfed two, and they’re eightpence now.”
“The quantity was not nominated in the bond. Go on.”
“If you pay the bus twopence, mine and yours, out of your
own money, then it’s palpably unjust to deduct it from the half-crown
I lent you, and only pay me back two shillings and owe
the fourpence. See that?”
“But you lent it to me to pay with.” Richard did mistily
perceive the point David was belabouring, but could not
bother to focus it sharply.
“Only till you got some change of your own. You’ve got
it now.”
“Well, but ... then you owe me for the ice-cream sodas,
they were to be your affair.”
“Granted. Two shillings, and subtract the twopence and
the half-crown and fourpence for the waitress that you owe me—leaves——”
“Hi—hold on! We halve the waitress. Might as well do
things properly now we’re at it.”
“Twopence for your share of the waitress; add that to my
fourpence you gave her....”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“That makes sixpence. We didn’t give her sixpence.
You’re trying to swindle me, Redbury, because my wits are
slower than yours....”
“When are the wits of the Gentile not slower than ours?”
laughed David. “The Gentile must pay.”
“Don’t forget that this is only half a Gentile. Where were
we? Let’s begin all over again. You owe me two and twopence
for ice-cream sodas and a bit of waitress: that clear?”
“Hang on to it. Then you owe me half-a-crown, and twopence
for fares, and twopence for a bit of waitress, and fourpence
more.”
“It’s that fourpence always cropping up. I don’t see
where it comes from.”
“You took it from my half-crown to pay the waitress.”
Richard looked so worried that David burst out laughing.
“‘Shylock, shall we have moneys?’ Come on, don’t give
in; this is rather sport.”
“Sport!... Look here, let’s leave it all where it is,
we’re neither of us much out of pocket.”
“Leave it all where it is!” scornfully. “Small wonder
the Hebrew wearieth of the slack and foolish stranger, and
desires greatly a nation of his own kith and blood.”
“You’ll get jolly well fed up with your own kith and blood,
when you can’t cheat ’em like the slack and foolish stranger.”
“We’ll have to import a few of you for the express purpose.”
It struck Richard that though David in this wrangle was
calling attention to his own racial characteristic only to buffoon
it, yet there was a sub-stratum of seriousness too, in his laughing
persistence.
“I suggest,” said David, “that as we are sadly incapable of
adjusting the matter in our head—after eight years’ public
school instruction in higher mathematics—that we reconstruct
as we go along, passing the money to and fro till we get it
right. Now ... we’re on the bus again. You pay!”
“Lend me half-a-crown,” said Richard obediently.
“Give me back my half-crown to lend you, then.”
“That didn’t come in, on the ’bus.”
“It’s coming in now!” David made a grab for Richard’s
pocket and extracted the coin. “There you are,” giving it to
him; while Piccadilly looked on astonished, at the two youths
absorbedly passing money to and fro as they strolled along the
pavement. “Now you give it back to me unbroken and twopence
for the fares ... that’s right, isn’t it? You agreed to
pay the fares. And then we settle up my little debt.”
Slowly Richard passed back the half-crown; and two
coppers.... Thought hard for a moment—then, with a yell,
pounced on his companion, wrenched his fingers open, and
extracted the pence....
“Got it!” he gasped. “So that’s where you were cheating
me, was it? Well, I’m damned! I pay for your fares, yes,
but I don’t pay them to you, no. Or I’d be paying ’em twice
over. Got you, David Redbury!”
“Trustful little lad, aren’t you?” David mocked him
delightedly. “How long did it take your homely wits?
Twenty minutes. And we’re miles past the shop I wanted.
Here’s the two and twopence I owe you. ‘La commedia è
finita!’” he sang lustily in his beautiful tenor.
“Shut up! Don’t you see the sandwichmen are shying.”
“I’ve got to get farewell presents for everybody, you included,
Marcus. What would you like? An Old Testament
to revive your slothful patriotism for the tribes of Israel?—Burst
of gratitude! In here, then.” He dragged Richard
into Hatchard’s; bought the Old Testament, and forthwith
presented it to him; chose also a richly-embossed W.B. Yeats
for Nell; and was with difficulty dissuaded from a selection of
Carlyle’s “Frederick the Great” as a tactful gift for his father.
Then, in a different shop, he bought a rich piece of Chinese
embroidery to form a window curtain for one of Beatrice’s
rooms, and a scarf for Hedda. Richard was amazed at his
certainty of choice among the vivid colours and luxurious
sheeny textures; as well as his delight in them. His personality
was as surely at home among the rich Oriental fabrics,
as were Richard and the vendor obviously incidental.
“‘Not Solomon in all his glory was arrayed like unto these,’”
murmured David, as the shopman departed with the bill and a
five-pound note. “Ever heard the story of the kid in a Jewish
school? They read him that chapter, and then asked him:
‘What did Solomon say when the Queen of Sheba tumbled
down her treasures before him?’ ‘Pleath, teacher’—he thed:
‘Vot do you vant for de lot?’”
No one could tell a Jewish story with such perfect inflexion
and gesture and look, as David; and Richard’s appreciation
echoed through the department.
“Do you think I might offer the Comtesse a little tribute in
vermilion, to match her hair? She had glorious hair, that
woman. In two long plaits and a pitcher balanced on her
head.... I shall probably send for her when I’m established
out there—the time will come when I shall long for the relief
of a snub profile to gaze at, as Rupert Brooke longed for Grantchester.
She shall be a wife to me——”
“A wife?”
“The wife shall be Rachel, and her hair will be dusky, not
vermilion; and her throat golden-brown. And she shall walk
on the gold-brown sand so that the pitcher of water be not
spilt of a single drop. You know, Richard, most of our lady
friends in Hampstead and Maida Vale and Bayswater have
grown waddlesome with generations of menials to attend them,
so that they’ll have to practise an awful lot with a sort of wire-frame
arrangement on their heads, before they can balance
their pitchers properly.”
“Don’t believe they’ll come at all. A lot of Zionists I’ve
heard of are in a blue funk that they’ll be grabbed against
their will and carried kicking aboard the Good Ship Jerusalem.”
“Set upon by a press-gang, and made to fag for us; for me,
David, King of Zion——”
“King, eh? You’re going it!”
“You shall come and be my Grand Vizier, O Richard.”
“That’s the Arabian Nights. Getting mixed, aren’t
you?”
“The deadly habit of accuracy is notably confined to the
unimaginative.”
Richard grunted.
“With you beside me is like taking a stroll with a portable
farmyard.”
“You haven’t bought anything for your mother yet.”
“I must get some large-sized silver frames. I was photographed
to surprise her about a month ago—they’ve turned
out rather well. Beastly nuisance—but she fretted so, having
none of Con. He never would let himself be taken.... So
she shall have me in half a dozen different positions, bless her,
just in case—not that she’ll care about the whole lot like the
one rotten little snapshot of Con that she’s always poring over
... but still....”
His exuberance was for a moment dulled.
“She’s having such a rotten time. The Guv’nor has put his
foot down over any more correspondence with Aunt Anna,
this last year—just as if it would affect nations if two sisters
wrote their pathetic loving little letters to tell each other of their
sons killed and the hardship of getting good servants nowadays....
But the black curtain is down between Hampstead and
Berlin now—and Mum’s wondering always what is going on
behind it.” He was silent a moment, then burst out indignantly,
“What harm can he possibly suppose it would do——” and left
the sentence unfinished. But Richard, under “he” was flashed
a complete picture of Otto, very bilious, very Jingo, in the art
of disciplining Trudchen....
“People are queer nowadays ...” was all he found to say.
“Queer the other way round, too,” David said thoughtfully.
“Would any country in all the world but England ensure that
her prisoners of war be fed on the fat of the land, while her own
people want? It’s a sort of splendid crack-brained chivalry—The
German fellows don’t understand it; makes ’em laugh. It
is highly comic when you come to think of it.... ‘For Allah
created the English mad, the maddest of all mankind!’”
“It’s the old-established tradition of chivalry still upheld
by officialdom. I doubt if it’s in the blood of the people any
more; they grumble about it—call it treachery, not chivalry.”
“Those are only the people left over, not the fighters. One
learns bad habits if one is left over.... I’m glad we’re both
for the thick of it now, Richard.”
“Yes....”
“Is it all right for you? I mean, you’re sure——”
“Phillips promised. I haven’t heard yet....” But he
was so sure that he said quickly: “Of course I may be let down
any moment, in fact, I suppose I’ve no earthly chance——”
David smiled at the unconsciously Jewish trait revealed in
the semi-Jew: the instinct that is afraid to trust its own
luck—aloud; instinct that has learnt to fear the duration of
good luck, and thinks to propitiate Jehovah by an affectation
of incredulity. David himself had behaved in this fashion
since his earliest babyhood. Victims of persecution—was it
persecution or justice now meted out to Richard and his like?—children
of No Man’s Land.... “Persecution is for being
something wrong; justice for doing something wrong,” came
to David in a flash of insight. Nobody could help being—all
down the ages ... Jews—niggers,—slaves—Huguenots—early
Christians—Saxon serfs....
“I’m going to take a taxi home; these parcels are too much
for me. You go quite a different way, don’t you?”
“Yes. G’bye.”
Richard turned quickly and walked away in the direction
of Hyde Park Corner. He was suddenly aware of David
as a very complete element in his life; and David was now
withdrawn, perhaps for ever, in all his lithe embodiments of
radiance and melancholy, of profound thought and mischievous
ragging; David suffering in front of the camera because he
understood how his mother fretted for a likeness of Con; David
reeling out names off the map of Palestine in drunken ecstasy
at their associations; David savagely ironic over his father’s
Jingo attitude; David playing the fool over twopence in the
middle of Piccadilly.... Richard wished he could have been
called up at the same time as David, and thus have slurred over
the present acute sense of loneliness.... “I’m glad we’re
both for the thick of it now, Richard”—and David would
understand why he had not lingered over leave-taking. David
could be relied upon to understand—always.
He found a letter from his brother-in-law, Samson Phillips,
awaiting him at Montagu Hall. It related briefly that Sir
Ephraim Phillips had done his utmost in the matter of exemption
from internment in Richard’s case; but in view of the fact
that he was German-born, with father not at that period
naturalized, could do no more than procure the alternative that
he should be called up to serve in the Labour Battalion——
“No, by God!”
Richard crumpled up the sheet in his hands, and flung it
violently against the wall. The Labour Battalion! Soldiers
who were not allowed to carry weapons? Soldiers who were
sent to the Front and not permitted to fight? The compromise
was ignominious.... And David had said: “I’m
glad we’re both for the thick of it, now, Richard....”
It was all right for David, wholly a Jew. “I’m not going to
be half a soldier,” muttered Richard. Rather internment than
be tantalized by the wear of khaki, maddened by audible gun-thunder.
Rather internment than that—and in a fortnight he
would be eighteen.
CHAPTER IV — I — II — III
—“And would it be indelicate to ask,” said Gillian, “why
I’m suddenly invited to take tea with you, on these lawns of
sheer respectability? I’m touched, Deb, really I am; I even
left some jolly little fellows from the trenches to look after
themselves, while I toddled off here; and I bought a new hat
on the way—d’you like it?”
“It’s a monstrosity,” Deb replied frankly. “Take it off at
once, somebody might see you in it; that’s better. Why didn’t
you bring your wounded soldiers?”
Gillian looked puzzled, and Antonia explained laughing:
“The jolly little fellows from the trenches are not what you
think, Deb; and I doubt if your in-laws would approve of
their presence here at tea—it’s enough for a start, that you
should be allowed to invite Gillian, without a cortège of bacillian
satellites. How was she finally admitted? I’m curious, too.”
“My husband met an eminent titled specialist, who happened
to mention that a pamphlet with a perfectly ghastly
name, published last month by one Gillian Sherwood, revealed
one of the most brilliant pieces of research of modern times;
and that the whole medical and scientific world were in a state
of thrilled awe—that true, Gillian?”
“I believe so,” modestly. “But it’s nice of your husband
to overlook my little aside from virtue, Deb.”
“He didn’t exactly overlook it, you know. Samson doesn’t
possess the art of overlooking. He walked all round it, breathing
hard, for nearly a year; and then hung a label on it:
‘Eccentricity of Genius. Not to be confounded with Fallen
Woman. So please don’t spit!’”
“Ass!” chuckled Gillian.
“Lest you should grow proud, I may mention that Mrs
Dolph Carew, likewise invited to tea this afternoon, has been
and gone, that she might not have to meet you, Jill. I gather
that she’s having a demure affair on the Q.T. with a certain
Count Antoine ... but some women flaunt their affairs so
shamelessly in the face of the world, that r-r-really, my dee-urr,
one can’t possibly be associated with them. One is shocked,
sorry—so ter-r-ribly sorry ... but the good Mrs Dolph Carew
comes to tea early with the good Mrs Samson Phillips—oh, but
very early——”
“I’m not having an ‘affaire,’” protested Gillian. “Does
that little careful beast Manon imagine that I’m a cheap French
novel? Deb, Deb darling, did you tell her that a multitude of
hoary professors are always to be found squatting at my feet?”
“Yes. ‘We are not impressed.’... Hoary professors
aren’t Society, after all.”
Antonia meditated: “We might put Cliffe on to the story
of the French Count——”
“Too busy with Winnie to understudy the God of Vengeance
just at present.”
“Winnie?”
“Cliffe?”
Gillian nodded. “’M. Last night. Quaint, isn’t it? You
know, she always had a queer fascination for him ... she was
so placid and plump—and he so gaunt and impetuous ... he
used to try and try and try to rouse her to some display of
emotion, till he went gibbering mad with failure ... and she
just lay on the sofa. I used to watch them. So at last, in a
sort of frenzy, he proposed to marry her—and she really was
surprised. Rather surprised, not awfully. She said: ‘Fancy.
Did you ever. What things you do say, Cliffe!’” Gillian
mimicked the slow, fat speech of Winifred with a fidelity that
stirred both her companions to mirth ... though Antonia was
very white; and Deb’s lips were ruefully curved: If Cliffe
were at all inclined to marry ... “then why not me—at the
time?” half laughing, yet wondering a little how Winifred
Potter had succeeded with Cliffe where all the rest of them had
failed, and separately summed him up as sexless—dear old
Cliffe—the Uncle type—a flying comet through their lives.—“And
he’s exuberantly, fantastically happy in his choice,”
Gillian added, innocent of sub-currents; “so am I and Theo—No—so
are I and Theo.... That doesn’t sound right either,
does it? Theo did all the flirting he could with her, in about a
couple of hours.... So far and no further, you remember?—and
then it bored him to have her always about the home. And
it made a lot of extra work for me—I’m not complaining—but
just mentioning it, now it’s over. Of course we couldn’t turn
her out, but we’re speeding up the nuptials with enthusiasm.
And then we two shall be alone together ...” softly. And
no one, seeing her eyes and her mouth, could have doubted the
success of her pioneer experiment with the audacious but
unworthy Greek.
“Does Zoe know?”
“About Cliffe and Winnie? I don’t think so. I expected
she’d be here this afternoon.”
“No, she’s indispensable to the War Office on Monday afternoons—not
a couple of loafers like you—you’re lucky in your
Major-General, Antonia, he always seems to be having bilious
attacks!—I received a very Zoe-esque letter, hinting at a
fruitful episode in a cinema, where she carelessly put her foot
up on the seat in front of her and accidentally left it there even
when someone sat down, and it came back with a note inside—the
shoe, I mean—saying he was follement éperdu of the pretty
ankle, and would the owner meet him, etc.”
“A typical Zoe adventure, French and all. ‘Men may come
and men may go,’ but there will always be enough for our
Zoe! even nowadays.”
“After all, she only needs as many as there are doors to her
flat, and one over. What is it, Antonia?”
Antonia said, “There’s young Nell—and she looks ...
queer.”
Nell Redbury walked slowly across the lawn towards the
tea-table under the yellowing chestnut tree. Arrived there,
she stood, mutely awaiting interrogation; her gaze full on
Gillian.... Nobody spoke; the three elder girls felt as
though nipped and held in the pincers of tragedy, and each
one was afraid....
“I’m going to have a baby,” said Nell at last, in the stupid
voice of a child repeating a lesson she has not quite understood.
“The doctor said so. Mums cried. And father said
I was not to come home any more.”
“Is that all!” Gillian almost laughed in her relief. “Oh,
you lucky little devil—no, I don’t mean that—you’re only
a kid still yourself, and it’s rather rough luck, but still—Who
and where’s the infant husband? I suppose it’s Timothy?”
“Yes,” Nell answered gravely, but still standing a little
aloof from the tea-table. “But he’s not my husband. We—I—thought
you would be pleased.”
“Because I did it myself?” Her goddess became suddenly
stern.
“Yes.” And once more the refrain, “I thought you would
be pleased. You said ... you all said.... I’ve forgotten
what you said,” with sudden droop to weariness.
“Whatever I said and whatever I did, wasn’t for a baby
like you,” Gillian brutally informed her, in a double effort to
vitalize the girl’s apathy and to knock her own conscience
insensible. “I may have said that where marriage is impossible,
it’s better to do the other thing than to brood and
mope ... but in your case marriage is possible; possible
and natural and inevitable. Especially now.... There’s
no earthly or heavenly reason, young Nell, why you and
Timothy should put yourselves to the inconvenience of being
not married, and you’re jolly well going to be shoved through
the ceremony the very first moment he can wangle leave and
come back.”
“Yes,” Nell acquiesced again. And, after a pause: “But
he won’t come back. It was in the paper to-day.... They’ve
killed him.”
She still stood a little way off from the group at the tea-table,
staring with mournful enquiry at Gillian, who had
broken down in a fit of wild sobbing. Then, lest she had not
been understood, she repeated: “The doctor says I’m going
to have a baby. And Mums cried. And father said——”
“You needn’t go home, my dear, my dear.... You’re
coming to my home with me. It’s all right—nothing to be
frightened of—I’m going to look after you ... yes, both of
you——” It was Antonia who swept to Nell’s side by an
irresistible impulse, had gathered her strongly in her arms,
and faced round on the other two with a look that challenged
while it scorched.
“You’re neither of you going to meddle any more where
Nell is concerned—haven’t you done enough harm? with
your talk and your example and rubbish?—No one’s business
but your own what you do with your life, is it, Gillian?—is it?
I knew somebody would have to suffer—ancient law—on those
who break the laws—and you go scot free, and this poor
kiddie.... Oh, damn your splendid freedom, and your new
era, and your mix-up and mess-up of everything that’s clear
and right—time-tested. Progress—is this your statue of
progress?” She pointed to Nell Redbury, now crumpled
forlornly against the older girl’s tense erect body....
“No use ranting at me, Antonia; I’m terribly responsible
in this case,” Gillian acknowledged. “And of course it’s my
business, not yours, to take Nell home and look after her——”
“With Theo about the place?”
Gillian was silent. And Deb interposed: “She’s better
with Antonia, Jill. I can’t give her shelter, worse luck——”
Samson, she knew, would show no mercy in this crisis.
Gillian said softly, “If Theo can help....” She found it
difficult to put into words her conviction that Nell was only
eighteen, and it might be warmth to her frozen emotions to
have it conveyed—even by Theo Pandos—that men were still
in the world and still desiring her ... a wintry gleam of
promise for the future.
But it was heartless to translate her meaning in front of
Nell, whose chubby serious young lover was only just dead....
And Antonia’s wrath swept out again like a banner in
the wind:
“Theo—help? isn’t he as promiscuous as the rest of you—as
Deb, as Cliffe ... with your love-making all over the place
... sex discussed just for the fun of it.... Deb prattling
about the waste of her young limbs—we haven’t forgotten
that talk, Nell and I.... Nell hasn’t forgotten it to some
purpose.... Let’s all live our own lives—let’s all live somebody
else’s.... Well, it’s been a merry puddle-party while
it lasted! Come on, Nell,” her voice sank to inexpressible
tenderness. Without a backward glance, she supported the
quivering, clinging form of the younger girl across the lawn
and through the garden gate. “Taxi!” they heard her clear
call. And the responding grate of wheels against the kerb.
Their departure was one little aspect of the war: woman
perforce dependent upon the manlier woman ... while out
in France the fatal shrapnel bullets ripped through the staggering
’planes....
“Deb,” Gillian lifted an appalled white face from burial in
her palms; “Deb, she’s right. Antonia’s right. I’m to
blame for this little tragedy.”
“So am I. We all talked—and forgot that Nell listened and
did not quite understand.”
“I did more than talk ... with the result that Nell is
to have the baby I wanted and denied myself.... It seems
that I couldn’t save that poor little love-child from birth,
after all! But surely I must have had the sense to say there
should be above all a case and a reason before girls chucked
marriage to the winds.... What possible reason could those
children have had to play the fool?”
“The individual exception is beyond Nell. What you did
was good—to her. She took the example and grafted it
promiscuously.”
“Antonia called us all fatally promiscuous ... but
Antonia——” Gillian hesitated. “Artemis on the turn,”
she remarked presently. “Deb—there’s a time when virginity
inevitably becomes spinsterhood. It’s rather a dangerous
time.... Antonia has kept fiercely pure——”
“Out of a sort of protest to us....”
“Perhaps.”
“What a muddle we’re in, Jill, every one of us, since we’ve
left the old track——”
“We’re beating onwards into the open, no doubt of it. But
the transition period can’t be skipped, like a dull bit of history.
There’s bound to be a generation of martyrs between the old
and the new. In whatever context of development. Education—and
sex—and religion—and nationality——” she debated
silently for a pause of time. “Yes—it fits in each
case....”
Nationality.... Deb’s thoughts flew to her brother. She
was anxious, not having heard from him or seen him since
Samson had written that letter suggesting the compromise
of the Labour Battalion, more than a fortnight ago. And
to-morrow was Richard’s eighteenth birthday....
“It will be all right for the next generation. Our lot are
not sure yet—stumble forwards and backwards in the twilight—let
go of established tradition before they’ve grasped
at an equivalent to support them. And some of us must be
sacrificed down the wrong paths to prove them wrong....”
“Not my child, anyway,” Deb cried with sudden vehemence.
“She shan’t be a victim to neither-nor. One of us is enough.”
“You’ll bring her up in the old way?”
“As strictly as I can, right and wrong, good and bad ...
signposts wherever she may stop and wonder. I’m going to
superintend her morals; I’m going to say ‘don’t,’ and I’m
going to ask questions, and forbid her things. And be shocked
whenever it’s necessary I should be shocked——”
“You little reactionary!”
“Yes ... I know. Don’t mistake me, Gillian—I believe
it best to be first thoughtful and then courageous—as you’ve
been. But my daughter Naomi—I’m quite sure it is to be a
daughter—will be partly a Phillips; handicapped from the
start. Samson is at least a generation behind even the transition
period. He’s almost extinct. And he’ll be her father.”
“Meaning that if you marry the jailer of a prison, it saves
trouble to bring up the child as a convict?”
“If Naomi rebels, she’ll be up against it.... I want her
to be happy. Oh, I couldn’t bear to see her muddling and
experimenting as I’ve muddled and experimented; a failure
as I’ve failed. She must learn to please the Phillips family,
and conform to Phillips’ standards. For her, there’s only
happiness in conformity.”
“And for you?”
“Yes—and for me. That’s partly racial, you know. The
Jewish girl isn’t meant to be a pioneer of freedom.”
“Nell——”
“Nell, I honestly do believe for your greater rest to-night,
Gillian, would have succumbed anyhow. She’s really deep
down passionate—not only a surface affair.... I say, isn’t
it curious how we’ve always deplored the waste of Charlotte
Verity’s fanatical tolerance on Antonia who doesn’t need it?—It
fits in splendidly now for Nell. She’ll make a heroine of
Nell, and simply love having her there.”
“The pattern preconceived....” Gillian murmured.
“Then was it also decreed since the first evolution from chaos,
O Deborah, that you should fit into the Phillips’ scheme at
last?”
“It seems like it,” not altogether ruefully. “When I tried
to play the old game, just once, just for fun, it politely informed
me that it had no further use for my services,” and on an impulse
she confided in Gillian her expedition to Jermyn Street,
three months ago.
“Blair—behaved quite well,” was Gillian’s sole comment.
“Oh yes. Blair is a man of experience. There’s a mellowness
about him—Had it been a chivalrous hot-headed young
knight to whom I had flown in distressed rebellion, he would
have urged me to abandon my home and husband, and trust
my future to him—and we’d have been unhappy ever after.”
“Is Samson still suspicious?”
“Yes—up till the hour of going to press; on and off. But
I can counter it.”
“With what do you counter it?”
“Fascination,” admitted Deb simply.
Gillian laughed, but would not explain her laughter. From
the tone in which Deb had said, “I can counter it,” it was
delightfully evident that Samson was providing his wife with
a new game, the game of re-conquest.... “It keeps the child
occupied and amused,” reflected Gillian; “and of course she’ll
coax down his suspicions in the end, especially——”
“It’ll be all right in December,” she prophesied to Deb,
who in her turn gurgled mirthfully and refused to say why.
“‘The Colonel’s lady and Judy O’Grady
Are sisters under their skins.’”
—you representing Judy in this instance, with the entire bulk
of the Phillips’ Illusion in the rôle of the Colonel’s lady.”
“Define the Phillips’ Illusion. It crops up in your conversation
like King Charles’ head.”
“The Illusion is that any girl would love Samson; that I
love Samson; that I am happy; that I am doing my best
to make Samson happy; that we are all happy together; that
we are a united family. Amen. In the end the Illusion will
become fact. It will overpower me ... it’s already much
stronger than I am.”
“You’re by nature—adaptable, aren’t you, Deb?!”
“Horribly so ... yes, and that fits in, too, Jill, for if I’d
been very emphatically myself, all cornery and defiant, I’d
have rebelled and gone on rebelling and urged Naomi to rebel
... and we’d have been uncomfortable for the rest of our lives.
But for me as I am—the most pliable, accommodating, imitative
creature on earth—I do see, oh, ... tolerable comfort and
resignation ahead.”
“Intolerable discomfort and rebellion are better things for
the soul, Deb. They stimulate it.”
But Deb only said: “The Phillips’ Illusion is too much for
me....”
CHAPTER V — I
All this year of hope and reprieve, Richard had just dimly
realized the continuation of Mr Gryce’s attacks; but they had
slithered more or less harmlessly off the conviction that in
the September of 1917 would come his own chance to prove
to Englishmen whether or no he be an Englishman. Now
... Mr Gryce had not improved with keeping; and Richard
was again exposed, without shield, to the old pestered agony
of responsibility ... he had committed atrocities; he did
not fight fairly; he was a German, the Germans.... No
place for him during the war—no place afterwards. Where
was he born? Where reared? where legally belonging?
Where his sympathies?... All over the place—nowhere—anywhere.
What country wanted him? What country
claimed him? For what country and in what cause had he
suffered during the Great War?—Jew, then, at least? Or
Socialist—Conscientious Objector?
But he had no convictions—doubting even his own stubborn
loyalty of schoolboyhood. He was no more a schoolboy. He
was a man—a man with nerves. His nerves gave Richard
no rest.
He did not regret, in the week that followed Samson’s letter,
his refusal to serve in the Labour Battalion. Morally, he
considered the evasion despicable—for him; though a good
enough solution for those who really were indifferent for the
fight, and impartial as to the issues. He did not regret it;
nevertheless, his loathing towards internment swelled again
to a morbid obsession. He positively could not bear the sound
or sight of the word. And then Mr Gryce began to flaunt a
button with “Intern them all” displayed thereon—Richard
went down to stay with the Dunnes for his last week of liberty.
He remembered affectionately and with a sense of far-off coolness
and repose, that chintz sitting-room in the cottage; its
portrait of Commander Antony Dunne over the mantelpiece;
its atmosphere so casually, indubitably English; remembered
too how naturally in those Christmas holidays of 1914 he had
fitted himself into this room and what it stood for. Perhaps
here was peace from the demons plaguing him; reassurance,
also, as to where in spirit he belonged. If he were “all right”
among the Dunnes, he was—all right.
The chintz sitting-room, speaking for the Dunnes, repudiated
Richard Marcus; bluff and careless Antony Dunne was definitely
antagonistic towards him—and Antony Dunne dominated
his family still, from the encircling oak frame. Richard
had anticipated gratefully the room, the pictures, the model
of a man-of-war, the curios from the Pacific Islands and Japan
and the Malay; the albums with Greville and Frank in their
different stages of allegiance to naval tradition, the battered
boys’ books on the shelf, all yarning about the sea and sea-fights
and sea-heroes; the view of low-lying fields beyond the
windows; he had anticipated all these—and forgotten he
was no longer careless participant. The room informed him
now very definitely that he was an outsider; guilty in his
birth-place; the room quietly but grimly imposed its personality
upon Richard, as symbolizing all from which he was
excluded. The Dunnes had lived in Essex, in Market Cottage,
since five generations; the Dunnes had always been naval
stock—dedicated to England’s sea-service long before any
question of war; their patriotic allegiance need not even be
mentioned—could be taken absolutely for granted; it stood—as
this room stood. That the Dunnes should ever go messing
about the Continent and having their sons in the wrong places
... the room was lazily scornful at the mere idea. The
Dunnes were quite, quite certain beforehand where they were
to be born and where buried. One of them had settled in
another county, and one—Molly’s father—had married a
London girl; these were their utmost excursions abroad.
And one Dunne had learnt how to speak a foreign language,
Spanish, fluently ... it was a great joke among the other
Dunnes. And when their profession took them across wide
seas and into strange ports and islands, these seas and ports
and islands became, at a touch, English ... or English to
them, which was the same thing. They were simply uninfluenced
by what was not English; just as the room absorbed
no outlandish flavour from the scattered lumps of stone and
coral, weapons and embroideries. These were vivid and
interesting enough—but only vivid and interesting on sufferance;
the real thing was the chintz, the view, the album.
Richard grew to hate that room.
Next, he grew to hate Frank. Frank was a talkative lad
of fourteen, who had met Richard with the pony-trap on
arrival at the station of the nearest town; it was necessary,
before driving out to Market Cottage, four miles away,
that Richard should call at the police-station, and exhibit
his papers and photograph and so forth; and answer the
official’s searching questions. Frank’s curiosity had insisted
on accompanying Richard inside, even to the lengths of
bestowing pennies on an urchin to hold the pony; he
thought the whole proceedings “rum”; no previous guest
of the Dunnes had ever been subjected to all this fuss....
Frank asked the object of the fuss a great many questions
about registration—recurred to it all through supper, in fact:
“Five-mile limit—what does that mean? That you can’t
go any further from here without special permit? Good Lord!
Grev, did you hear that? Then you can’t come with us to
the meet on Thursday. What rot for you! don’t you hate
it! I say, show the Mater your photograph, won’t you?—the
one you showed up at the Station. I suppose they think
you’re a spy! Do you have to exhibit your thumb-prints too?
Like a bally old convict, isn’t it?...”
Richard could not bring himself to be chatty or informative
on the subject of registration; and Frank, incensed by his
surliness, came to the conclusion that Richard was a spy, and
as such ought to be tabooed from intimacy, and watched.
The situation worried Greville, the more so as he could not
quite whole-heartedly champion Richard—“You see, Mater,
he’s not a bit like he used to be. I mean, he was quite a jolly
old bean last time he was here, wasn’t he? But now—he
goes red as fire when Frank rags him about the police and
so on——”
“We must just tell Frank to leave off, if it makes Richard
uncomfortable. He’s our guest, after all.”
“Yes—but Mater—if—if——”
“What, dear?”
“If Richard felt as—as loyal—well, as other chaps, he’d
laugh, wouldn’t he, when Frank....” The handsome young
naval sub-lieutenant was no psychologist. “You don’t suppose
there’s anything in it, do you, Mater? I’d never have
dreamt of such a thing if Richard hadn’t changed so from
when he was at Winborough. And Frank is always going on
at this child for chumming up with a German. I punch his
head, of course, pretty often; but why does he shy like an old
cart-horse when we talk about the war? Richard, I
mean?”
Mrs Dunne smiled: “I don’t think Richard is a spy in the
German pay, Grev, if that’s what is on your mind.”
“Oh, nor do I,” very quickly.
His mother waited; there were obviously more skeins of
perplexity to be unwound.
“One doesn’t have anything to do with a German,” Greville
blurted out. “But what’s one to do if he’s your pal beforehand?”
“I wonder....” Mrs Dunne thought it out, though
hardly realizing that this was the predicament of a great many
of her fellow English.
Greville was not the type of boy who would ever of his own
volition commit any act that was in the least degree complex
or eccentric. Richard had been as normal and sturdy a
disciple of take-it-for-granted as himself, when they had first
paired off as inseparables. So that the shatterment of Richard’s
normal world, of necessity involved a twitch where it joined
Greville’s.
“I think you owe something to old friendship, my boy.”
“Oh, this child isn’t going to be a perishing deserter, betcherlife....”
In proof of which, Greville summoned Richard
for a long tramp through the slowly russeting country. They
swung along for the most part in silence, as they had always
been wont to do; but previously it was the silence which
signified “all’s well,” whereas now it was lumpish—a case of
nothing to say. For Greville’s natural disposition was for
anecdotes of the gunroom—joyous narrative of the day when
they “bagged a Fritz,” or technical details of his present
training for the R.N.A.S.—his companion’s set face and monosyllabic
appreciation was discouraging on such themes. Even
had Greville realized that the other was sick with envy, and
not, as he thought, bored, it would hardly have rendered
matters more comfortable. Mutual memories of Winborough
were safe enough, and recurred in spasms, but Greville’s interest
had been superseded by fresher, more vital stuff; and Richard’s
occasional starts on an abstract subject were, curiously,
addressed more to an absent David than to Greville:—“Have
you ever noticed how nearly all the popular songs they sing
have something in ’em about a long long way or long long
trails?” he remarked once, as a chorus from a khaki group in
the distance floated to them in wind-borne snatches. “A long,
long road in Flanders or France, straight and planted with
poplars ... tired men dragging on and on with a sense of
endlessness like in a Nevinson picture—but it’s queer that it
should have worked its way into the very songs.”
Greville knew little of roads and cared less.
They were at the moment on the outskirts of a neighbouring
town; a road of detached houses, picturesque and gabled:
each so fretfully and laboriously different, and all so drearily
alike. All of these bore their names painted on the gates;
and one was “Heimat.” Richard’s lower lip twisted sardonically....
“Heimat”—home—after three years of
war with Germany! Who in their simplicity had dared leave
such a name displayed? A wistful group of exiles from the
Vaterland, who still clung to their own tongue, wore plaid, and
basket plaits, and stupid socks, drank coffee for breakfast, and
sang in chorus round the piano after dinner?—No—they would
have called their house Omdurman or the Cedars or Kenilworth;
was it likely that a second Otto Redbury would have
the temerity to dwell behind a gate with “Heimat” painted
boldly upon it—“In our position—”? Heimat probably
sheltered a serenely unconscious English family, who accepted
the rum name they found when they moved in, and pronounced
it wrong—and who could with safety have dwelt in a house
called “Kaiser Wilhelm” and still not meet with suspicion.
Perhaps they had an ancient German governess whom they
tolerated and sheltered for pre-war sake, and she guarded in
her sentimental old rag-bag of a heart the secret understanding
of “Heimat,” and found comfort in it....
Greville, who had not noticed the house called Heimat,
interrupted his companion’s musings: “I say, did you hear
old Rogers has had both his legs shot away?”
“Bad luck! We beat Dumfield by an innings when he was
captain.”
“Yes; he wasn’t a patch on Rothenburg, though. D’you
remember Rothenburg?”
Yes—Richard remembered Con.
“German name, wasn’t it? What happened to him?”
“D.S.O. and killed at Vimy,” briefly. He wondered if
Greville, like Mr Gryce, was going to say “ought to have
been interned”? Even the subject of Winborough was perilous,
might lead to ... the admission they all sought to drag
from his sensitive reluctance.
For this was the latest result of Richard’s nerves, that he
imagined a conspiracy on the part of the Dunne household
to make him utter aloud—scream aloud—the fact that he was
a German. Therefore he set stern watch upon his speech,
though never doubting they would win their point in the
end.... “Morose beggar!” commented young Frank.
“Molly’s coming to-morrow—we’ll see if she wakes him up
a bit!”
“Frank, I don’t want you to tell Molly about Richard.”
“What—not that he’s a blooming——”
“No, dear.”
“Why, Mater? Strikes me Molly ought to be put on guard.
She might want to marry him. Nice old fizzle that ’ud be.”
Mrs Dunne seriously replied that he might trust her to be
responsible for the safeguarding of Molly (aged fifteen) from
contraction of an alliance with the enemy.
“Are you going in the R.F.C., Richard?” asked Molly,
on her first morning.
They were in the orchard, and her mouth was stained a
deep plum-purple.
“No.”
“You said last year—no, the year before that, wasn’t it?—that
you weren’t keen on anything except a commission in the
Flying Corps. And I was going to work the wings and ‘per
ardua ad astra’ on a silk handkerchief for you. Lucky I
didn’t.”
“Plenty of chaps you could have given it to.”
Molly fastened strong pointed teeth into the downy blue
of yet another plum; and then asked: “Are you going into
the R.E.?”
“No.”
“Gunner, then?”
“No.”
“What are you going to be when you join up?”
“I’m not joining up.”
“White feather!” she flashed at him. She had been inclined
to regard Richard as her especial property, whenever
they had met at Market Cottage. Though he had teased her
a lot, he was always rather more gentle in action where she
was concerned, than Greville and Frank. So that she was not
prepared now, when in a fit of passion he seized her by the
shoulders and shook her—shook her—“You little beast——”
His fingers dug deep into her shoulders; she tried with a
sudden jerk to twist out of his grasp ... could not....
Then with quite a good exhibition of resource, tore an over-ripe
plum from a bough near at hand and flung it in Richard’s
face—“Hun!”
“That’s right,” he said coolly, releasing her. “Traitor
if you like—spy and coward,” and he grinned at her mute
amazement. Suddenly, in a queer, vicious sort of way he was
enjoying the scene. “You’ve guessed it, Molly. Only a Hun
would grab a girl and shake her. I’d be happy dropping
bombs on babies, too; and shooting a half-drowned non-combatant
in the water. We’re all like that. And I’d be
happy——” he stopped, and looked at the girl; a shifting
ray of sun through the leaves struck her across the face;
across the half-parted plum-stained lips; showed him the
angry gold freckling her big brown eyes. A tomboy in blue
serge with rough chestnut hair ... yes, but a promise of
more than that ... for him.
He moved towards her—and quickly she plucked another
dark mauve globule.
“Drop that.”
“Hun! Hun! Hun!” she taunted him.
“There are things one can’t help, Molly—and there are also
too many things you don’t even begin to understand, Molly—That’s
why you’re no good to me, just at present. One day,
when I’ve time, I may bother to make you understand. Or
I may not. Meanwhile——” His arm sprang up against the
whizzing plum, averted it, dragged her into his arms and kissed
her roughly ... then more tenderly.... She was passive,
recognizing with wonder that this was suddenly not an uncouth
bullying schoolboy, but a man dogged and fierce and rather
unwilling, who had captured her defiance and stilled it.
But what rubbish! Richard! Why, he was only eighteen;
younger than Grev—and Grev was certainly not yet a man,
though he had fought.... Richard had not even fought—the
colour stung her brown skin into red, as she recalled his
contempt: “There are too many things you don’t even begin
to understand, Molly——”
“I don’t care! I don’t care!” she raged in a whisper.
“I don’t care either,” came the answer in that cool man-voice,
which reason could hardly yet accept as belonging to
Richard; “but if I ever do care, Molly, then I’ll damned
well marry you, and you’ll have a Hun for a husband whether
you want it or not—so you’d better be more polite now....”
“I won’t—you shan’t—never—let me go, Richard!”
“Kiss me first, then. I like your kisses though I don’t
like you.”
In a final twist for liberty, she slewed her head backwards
... and saw his eyes, sad light eyes narrowed under their
bending ridges—something like a tumbler pigeon turned
wildly over and over in her breast.... With a gasp, she offered
him her childish fruit-stained lips ... and darted away
between the orchard trees.
Richard pressed his two clenched fists against his forehead....
“What did I say to her?—looks as though I were going
mad....” A portion of himself seemed to slide coldly away
from the rest—and then be jerked again into its place ...
it was a nasty sensation; and so was the shame with which
he submitted to the fact that he had no control whatever
over any juggling tricks his brain and body in goblin collaboration
might choose to play him.
A conviction, for instance, that a number of people in
assembly held a threat and a menace for him ... slow horror
which the mind communicated to the flesh—he could not keep
still between walls and floor and ceiling, with people crushing
him round and stifling him, blocking his exit—with people’s
voices droning like wasps ... the heavy persistent circling
motion of wasps over food ... yes, he had to get away, if
he was to breathe, if he was to live ... his head, his eyes,
his ears and neck, his wrists and finger-tips and knees, each
held their separate hammering pulse—how could he sit quietly
in a chair, at a table, with all these fever-pulses dinning and
throbbing in unequal measure, and that one great pulse in his
left side swinging dominion over the others—he must get into
the open, or die, there, before them all, before Greville’s bewilderment,
and Frank’s loud disdain, and Molly crying,
“Hun! Hun! Hun!” ... he preferred to die alone.
“I ought to go home——” but home was more meals in
public, and Mr Gryce, and traffic, and pavements a-swirl with
people. Only a few days more now—only to-morrow and the
day after—only to-morrow—and horror itself would be there,
in place of horror anticipated. How would it be when he
needed to run—and ran up against barbed wire—and was
turned back ... enclosed and ringed by barbed wire?
Senseless barbed wire—had it been enemy fencing, you might
cut it, break through and into enemy trench, bring a rifle
smashing down on a fat pink head ... Prussian head ...
pink head ... mud and filth and the swarm of lice, and oozy,
sticky blood, and cold, wet cold.... This was France—war—his
birthright—birthright of everybody growing from 1914
into manhood. Oh, damn ... that hot swollen feeling round
his temples again—no, not inside—round the outside ...
and why did they try so hard to hypnotize him into declaring
aloud that he was a German? even Mrs Dunne, even Greville
... and Frank of course, with Molly now his partner and
confederate. They were all jolly and serene and happy enough—couldn’t
they leave him alone? They and the chintz
sitting-room and that—that stranger dining with them this
Sunday after church. Who was it? The local doctor?
Dr Greyson? He had not brought his wife ... apologized,
said she had a cold; Richard knew—he did not care to bring
her into a house where a German was staying; she might have
to shake hands with him, and she had vowed not to shake
hands with a German again—so she had preferred to stay at
home. The Dunnes had talked of asking a Mr Rhodes and
his son and daughter—very decent people, Richard remembered
them from last time ... and then the question of inviting
them had suddenly been abandoned, with a great show of tact
on Mrs Dunne’s part—“perhaps they would not care to come
out so soon after poor Hal’s death”—but again Richard suspected
the confidential after-discussion between Greville and
his mother. “Better not, Mater, while Richard’s here; he’s
going to-morrow. But they’re the sort who’d mind....”
... Would Frank never stop eating pudding? apple suet
pudding—two helpings already, and now a third. Frank did
it on purpose—fiendishly—he knew Richard was mad to get
up and out of the cramped cramping space....
“Coffee in the sitting-room, I think,” Mrs Dunne proposed
at last; “such a pity it’s raining, or we might have sat
outside.”
They all moved together, glucose in conviviality, towards
the room which held the portrait of Commander Dunne.
Greville, in his simple, eager way was explaining some aviation
technicality to Doctor Greyson, who listened respectfully.
“These youngsters—they’re showing us all the way!” he
smiled at Frank in his blue and gold, at Molly wearing her
Girl Guide uniform—his eye swept over Richard blankly—he
knew then? They had told him, or he must have remarked
on all that square muscularity clothed in mufti.... Voices
like persistent wasps ... the pursuing threat was in the
room with him now ... it was always worst in here ...
with the picture of Commander Antony Dunne. What
was the Doctor saying? something about the German
prisoners employed to work on a farm in the neighbourhood
... but that was part of the plot, to goad him into his declaration—to
lead the talk that way ... part of the plot....
“They’re lazy swine, you know; won’t do a stroke of work
when the overseer’s back is turned——”
“Why should they?” demanded Richard.
The wasp-drone hushed now; faces all turned towards him,
curious to hear—the plot was working as anticipated.
Fool! why had he spoken? ... that cursed new trick of
seeing things all round and from the other side. But he went
on, doggedly: “Do you suppose that if I were an English
prisoner in Germany that I’d do one more stroke of work on
their damned alien soil than would be forced out of me?”
Molly and Frank exchanged a quick look. And Greville
frowned uneasily. Then Dr Greyson said, with perfect
courtesy: “It’s rather difficult, I imagine, for anyone who
is not entirely one of us to appreciate our point of view. For
you’re not quite English, are you, Mr Marcus?”
He knew! ... he knew well enough—he only put the
question to drag out his answer—he should have it then!...
Frank smiled meaningly at Molly.... Richard saw him—and
the room, the little chintz sitting-room which was all
England, was glad, glad, glad at his impending humiliation....
Nerves drawn tighter and tighter—then they twanged
apart, burst strings—“You’re not quite English, are you,
Mr Marcus?”
“No,” Richard screamed suddenly, “I’m a German. And
I hate the English—I hate them——”
It was not true. As he rushed for the door, and down the
passage and out into the garden, all that was left sane in him
denied the cry; he did not hate the English—loved them—wanted
to be like them—wanted to belong to them—fight for
them. But they had pushed him into the lie. And now he
could not live, having said it ... the sea was somewhere
... he would run till he got to the sea....
The pad of footsteps in his rear ... he plunged forward,
slipping on the soaked ground.... More footsteps, louder—only
let him get away—if there were no shock of barbed wire
ahead to stay him ... he would escape the barbed wire,
escape the mob that since two and a half years had been
hounding behind him ... never so close as now....
“Schnabel! Schnabel!” soft rain blowing across his face
... head down, arms pressed against his sides, breath sobbing
fiercely, he ran on in a blind panic....
“I can’t catch up with the beggar,” said Greville, returning
to the sitting-room. “I called him, too.... I s’pose he’ll
come back all right?”
CHAPTER VI — I — II — III
Why had he not thought of suicide before this? Looked upon
calmly and dispassionately, from a merely business aspect,
it was the only course for him—lacking the vital sustenance
which men drew nowadays from love of their own land. It
annoyed Richard that even though he had reached the sea,
the sea was nowhere in sight—lost behind wide flats of mud.
He leant against the rail which divided the path beside the
railway from a strip of coarse sand, sullenly determined not
to plunge across all that marsh till he found deep enough
water to drown him; even suicide, it seemed, was to be a
difficulty and a favour;—well, the sea could come to him—he
would wait for the returning tide.
He must have run more than five miles; that was all he
knew of his whereabouts. For when he registered, it was
made clear that for him the Essex coast was prohibited area.
Leigh was evidently the name of this little estuary town he
had struck haphazard. There would be half a column in the
local paper: “Enemy alien drowns himself.”... Perhaps
two lines in the London Press, amongst other minor items of
news.
Richard stared horizon-wards where might be the dilatory
tide of his desire. He was now peaceful, almost numb in
mind and body, caring little for recent turmoil, where so soon
blankness was to be. He wondered dispassionately as to the
time? About six o’clock, to judge by the western pyramid
of opaque storm-grey cloud, a pale yellow sun breaking its
peak into fragments and spilling itself in shaft after shaft of
dim light down the triangle and on to the illimitable green
and brown and fawn, burnishing it to a glimmering fantasy
like the hues of a mackerel. Patches of blue sky were reflected
in purple pools. And areas of mud were almost invisible for
ships, their keels deeply embedded, as though a whole lurching
fleet had suddenly flung themselves on their sides and were
impotent ... ropes and nets and sails and tackle, old tubs
and steamers and hulks. The scene was packed and spiked
with masts. Behind the station, and its creak and flap of
signals and gates and coal-trucks, a purple gasometer seemed
to have entangled itself beyond redemption into the mournful
landscape; and from an outjutting breakwater, the black
finger of a donkey-engine pointed darkly, accusingly against
the sky. The tide had turned, somewhere far out there; and
in monotonous procession up a narrow flowing squiggle of
silvery grey, the fishing-boats came in; their unclothed masts
still gauntly upright; small dark figures of men hauling with
ropes on either side, or gently paddling from the stern; small
dark figures, penguin-height, standing patiently in rows on
the mud, to receive the loads of fish. Round each dwindling
bend another boat could be sighted; they might come in thus
for ever, with nothing to break their soundless even progress.
The sky was all grey now, and the grey and brown of the
marshes hardly touched to pearliness. A throb in the air
loudened, as a grey steel airship came pounding, slow and
enormous, across the foreground. Dagon, god of fish ...
god significant of grey steel wars....
From lethargic contemplation, Richard was being imperceptibly
hypnotized by the subtle rhythmic excitement that
pervades and hangs about an estuary; estuary which is not
quite the sea; which leads to the sea; which opens out so
wildly and generously from the mere width of a river. The
fishing-hauls were in, and the men had vanished from the
marsh; but to him it was still as though boat after boat were
following the curve of the inflowing stream ... but dimly
visible now ... the air was full of windless dusk, and a
quiver shook the keels of the mud-locked fleet; soon they
would begin to stir and lift....
The scream of a siren punctured the calm. Another one,
from much nearer at hand, pressed down and swallowed the
first long raucous shock of sound.
Richard knew the two blasts were signals of an air-raid
impending. He had heard the Dunnes discussing the possibility
of several during this week of harvest moon. A few
lingering footsteps pattered to sudden quickness and silence.
In the little town at his back, and all along the coast, he was
aware of no panic, but of every person on the defensive;
sucked back behind walls and shutters and curtains; braced
to sturdy sensible resistance of the chance-monster and its
grim selection. In the morning the population would emerge
and stand about and gossip clamorously, with frequent
repetition of the phrase: “Well, I was just——” “Yes,
and I was just——” But now, all activity withdrawn and
waiting....
Richard waited too, a few moments. Then, impatient of
immobility, strolled along the path on his right. He was
impressed by the absence of fuss on the part of the civil
population. All very well for him who had no more fastenings
on life; but these ordinary people appeared to take it so for
granted that they should be disturbed in the midst of their
daily business, to an encounter with such grotesque apparition
as bombs and shrapnel and aerial torpedoes.... Their
behaviour roused him to the same queer beating tenderness
as when the blind discharged soldiers at the music-hall had
been “still keen on things.” Some people were rather fine....
English people ... but he had declared out loud
that he hated the English ... and so he had to die.
He went past the gas-works, and along the sea-wall which
meandered through the marshes. Open country all around
him now, and no noise but the swish of rushes, far-off gurgle
and squirt of water, occasional plop of some small animal
into the spreading pools. Was there always this black gaping
rent of silence between the signal and the first gun-mutterings?
It was Richard’s unique experience of an air-raid outside
London; and an air-raid in London he had considered was
altogether a second-rate affair.
“First line of defence,” he remembered Greville had called
the belt of fortresses—Sheerness, Shoeburyness, Canvey
Island, Tilbury and Gravesend. He strained his eyes
towards the angles of crouching coast-line opposite him, in
vain effort to distinguish them. First line of defence,
he repeated once or twice exultantly—before he pulled himself
up as a fool. What did such trivialities concern him now?
Hallo—was that firing out there? No.
Yes.
Or a dog barking?
Richard told himself persistently it was only a dog barking,
to smother the quality of vital contentment newborn in him
and uprising with the nearer and yet nearer sound of the guns.
The darkness was lit with sinking star-shells; and through
the thin white light which the rising half-moon spread over
the estuary, the inland flight of little winged machines was
clearly and delicately visible.
Richard stood stock-still, staring at these, till, in a surge of
wild indignation, he found himself starkly confronted with
the fact that they were the Gothas, and that they were over
an English river, carrying death to an English city.
“Damn their insolence!” he shouted into the sky. “It’s
our land——”
Our land, fizzing in a nightmare of flame; drowned in great
gun-thunders. And these small black figures busy with their
evening’s haul of fish not an hour ago, our fisherfolk—could
we prevent them from being torn and hurt?
“Oh, Christ—that’s good!” as the barrage crashed from
every side at once; and the giant gun on Canvey Island
mouthed and reverberated above all the rest. Our barrage!...
To Hell with these invaders....
Richard was all right. His at last, that blessed bias on the
vision which he had forfeited, and so desperately sought. He
was, thank God, incapable now of reason or justice or sanity—unconscious
of himself and his position, oblivious of an enemy
point of view. Just English for all he was worth. One man
for one land. A patriot ... and—in it!... He forgot
that he was alone; the rending chaos all about him gave him
the illusion of being a central participant; so his solitary
figure jigged and capered on the flat sea-wall with incoherent
vocal splutter of encouragement and fury and a very delirium
of pleasure.
A shape of yellowish drab came scuttling along the wall,
arms thrown up to shield the face.... “Hallo—look ahead!”
Richard called warningly—then threw out his hand and
clutched at the slipping figure. “You were nearly down
then—I say, what’s the matter with you?” for the little
soldier was clinging to him in a very frenzy of terror, with
prayer and sob and blasphemy mingled....
“Oo—er—O Jesus, the blarsted noise again ... don’t
let ’em—don’t lemme go—I ain’t a coward, sir, ’streuth I’m
not—bin two years in the trenches—but them guns fair do
somefink to the inside of me ’ead.... Ow—er——” he
fell writhing and vomiting to the ground beside Richard, as
the barrage appeared to have enclosed a stray Gotha, and
shook the four sides of the world with triumphant yelps and
rumblings.
“Shell-shock,” muttered Richard. “Corporal by his stripes
and—by Jove! Military Medal”—as a twist of khaki tunic
into the moonlight revealed a strip of ribbon sewn on to the
man’s meagre chest.
He was suddenly guilty and ashamed of his own arrogance
of calm. This sort of wreck was what the war made of some
of its heroes; “this is what the war ought to have made of
me” ... he should have been blind with the St Dunstan’s
men: broken like the little cockney soldier from France,
cowering here beside him. His mind and body and five senses
whole and immune, were dishonour.
Richard knelt and took firm grip of the twitching wrists.
“It’s all right,” gruffly. “Listen—they’re getting away
towards London; we shall have quiet for a bit.”
“Till they come back,” sobbed the man, but he trembled
less violently, and presently drew himself up to a sitting posture.
“Discharged ‘fit’ from ’orspital larst week,” he whispered,
lips trembling to a rueful smile. His peaked, freckled face was
glistening with sweat, and his fingers still tore at the grass;
but he was making an effort at control. “Doc told me I
shouldn’t get another o’ these ’ere attacks, but—I dunno—it’s
the s’noise wot did it. I was walkin’ over quiet-like from
Benfleet—luvly evenin’ an’ all—when that bloomin’ siren
went and gave me fits an’ I begun to run.” His voice
conveyed apology, and Richard flushed crimson.
“It’s all right,” he repeated awkwardly; “where do you
want to get?”
“H’under cover,” said the Corporal with distinct emphasis.
“We’re nearer Leigh, I b’lieve, than Benfleet; might make
a dash for ’ome sweet ’ome before.... Oh, Gawd! don’t,
don’t,” as a fresh growling outbreak from the Sheerness guns
signified the approach up the Thames of a second batch of
raiders.
Cover? Richard looked round the landscape; it was
entirely exposed; not even a tree; nothing humped from the
flat marshes except a few old derelict boats reversed in the
mud; one of them at the foot of the slope where now they
lay.
“Better than nothing!” It might at least be suggestive
of shelter to his companion, even if of no actual protection
from shrapnel. Richard leapt down from the wall, and plunged
up to his knees in mud, tugged at the boat with all his welded
strength of shoulder and muscle.
“’Ere—you’re not gawn?” he heard whimpered during a
lull in the barrage. And “Rather not!” he shouted back,
reassuringly; and succeeded in tilting the half-rotten boards
so that the bows rested against the slope while the stern
remained still embedded; thus the concave bottom of the
boat roofed a small dark space—an amateur dug-out.
Meanwhile, the second raiders were not suffered to pursue
their leaders to London; the barrage waxed fiercer, shutting
them in, driving them from point to point; a few bombs were
dropped, and exploded with a dull concussion of sound quite
distinct from gun-fire; and all along the Kent and Essex
coast the shrapnel flew screaming.
“Hot stuff!” laughed Richard, as a moaning hoot snicked
past his ears; he sprang up the bank again, and found the
Corporal crying in a quiet agony, too exhausted to budge.
Without explanation he lifted him gently; placed him “under
cover” as he had desired. Then he blocked the aperture at
the tilt of the boat with his own square stocky build. “Shut
your ears with your arms, you won’t know anything more about
it till the morning,” he shouted through the din.
Presently his companion said: “I’ve just remembered me
name—it’s Plunkett—Ted Plunkett.”
“Oh—yes?” Richard was rather surprised at the formality
in the midst of shell-shock during air-raid.
A pause. Then: “Well—ain’t you goin’ to tell me your
name now I’ve told you mine?” reproachfully.
“Richard Marcus.”
“R! Got some pluck, ’aven’t you, Sonny Richard Marcus?”
And amusement twinkled in Richard’s deep-set eyes, as he
reflected on the quality of pluck needful under bomb-fire by
a person out for the express purpose of drowning himself.
“Ever heard the comic story of the servant who had never
seen the sea?” he replied with seeming irrelevance, but thinking
how the tide had temporarily baulked his intentions.
“She was so dead keen on seeing it that she stole her mistress’
jewels to pay for the fare to Southend—and then they arrested
her while she was waiting for the tide to come up.”
“Some of our chaps gone up, I should say. Yes—listen!”
as a succession of quick staccato bangs were knocked out
directly overhead, then echoed a little farther off.
The Corporal subsided, crouching his dazed tormented head
deep into his arms. And Richard, with his hands clasped
round his knees, waited through the ensuing drawn-out silence
for the distant inland throb which would easily mean the
return of the first batch of raiders from London. He longed
with eagerness for the renewed sound of gun-firing; it definitely
slaked a thirst in him that had craved for such satisfaction
since three years. Well—he had not been able to go to the
war, but a little bit of the war had come to him.... God was—not
so bad, after all! He was happy, sitting there waiting.
“There they are!” And at the same moment he felt a
warm trickle down his neck. “Cheerio! wounded in action!”
that bit of shrapnel which had scraped so close to his ear, must
have scraped closer than he had noticed at the time.
“Yes, there they are—with a vengeance!”
... In the subsequent transformation of earth, sky, air
and water into sheer noise, he faintly heard his comrade ejaculating
“Hell” between intervals of violent sickness. He
thrust a stealthy hand into the aperture; it was grabbed and
twisted by wet chilly fingers.
“It’s all right, y’know,” said Richard gruffly. “Quite all
right....”
The last Gotha was chased from the mouth of the Thames
out to sea. The last mutter of guns died away.
“I daresay it’s h’over now.” Plunkett emerged cautiously
into the moonlight some ten minutes later. “May as well get
’ome,” and he staggered to his feet. “The Missus’ll be
wondering.”
“You think it is all over?” Richard was reluctant to
believe it. That one nerve in him was still twanging irritably
for the relief of gun-fire.
The Corporal nodded. “It’ll be ’alf-an-’our or more afore
they give the signal. Can’t wait for that. You comin’?”
“Where? Back to Leigh?—No, not for the moment. Can
you get along by yourself? It isn’t far.”
“Fit as a fiddle,” the other declared. He held out his hand
to Richard—“Thank yer, Sonny....”
The boy blurted out, at a reminding prick of the old goad:
“I was born in Germany, you know....”
Corporal Plunkett, M.M., was astonished at the inconsequent
confession ... some divine impulse prompted him to the
speech that healed. “Lord, sir—that don’t matter. You’re
one of us all right!”
... The obsession was lifted. Corporal Plunkett had done
it. Corporal Plunkett had atoned for Mr Gryce. Never again
would Richard turn hot and miserable at the mention of German
frightfulness ... he had no connection with the things the
Germans did. Born in Germany, yes, but—“You’re one of us
all right,” the cockney soldier had said. The awful crazed
obsession of responsibility was rolled away; and in utter
thankfulness Richard lay on the sea-wall that first night of
the September air-raids, half-dreaming, content to have heard
the guns, content....
He was not going to drown himself. Suicide was surrender
without a fighting chance. Richard’s sturdier business instinct
rejected the proposition. Suicide was stupid—a refuge for
weaklings and decadents—he could wrench out better terms
for himself. Now that his spirit was fixed for one land and
one people, the fact of continued official ostracism hardly
counted. He would have to submit to that as to a fact and
a nuisance, but in no way vital.... Internment? That also
was only official—“I’ll just have to get through with it.”
Richard scowled healthily at the annoying prospect.
But he was out of No Man’s Land at last ... it had been
dreary fog-sodden territory, and he was glad, a thousand times
glad to be quit of it. Not once again need he set foot there;
his love of England was sanctuary. He would love England,
not as before, in exacting casual certainty, but with the fierce
beating love of a man for the woman who has no love for him,
who will never return his love. He would love England in spite
of herself, and with a love steadily cognizant of its own hopelessness.
And he thought of fireside happiness where passion
was mutual and easy ... and rejoiced, in new-found defiance,
that his body should stand outside, pressed against hard rains
and hard storms and hard swerve of the hills.
“But I’ll make her take me somehow—in the end——”
A man must have a country to call his own. To know his
own. So much the war had taught him. Other lessons it
might have held for others; but for him this special groping
agony of nowhere belonging.
Internationalism ... brotherhood ... that was all very
well; men had hailed it, and believed in it; had let the careful
drawing of boundary be slurred; had forgotten to set stern
limits to their sense of humanity ... had merged the significance
of birthplace to freer, more casual interpretation:
The world is my birthplace.... Men had wandered, drifted,
flung themselves down in alien places. Why not? The subconscious
trust in the brotherhood of nations had urged them
to such courses.
And Internationalism had failed them. Each country was
tightly puckered again to self-sufficiency. Internationalism
had no country to give her devotees during a European war.
No country but No Man’s Land ... desolate sodden track
without end or beginning, neither land nor sea ... to Richard,
almost asleep, came a vision of the estuary echoed somewhere
in space and in deeper shadow ... greyer fog ... shapes
stumbling about it, hunting for cover, some wailing loudly,
some silent and bewildered.... He was himself a wraith,
one of the betrayed ... and there were others vaguely
familiar....
Voices calling, and receiving no answer, calling again and
again ... red-cheeked waiters, vaguely seen in pre-war days,
vaguely disappeared after 1914—they were all here, paler
now.... And here the cobbler to whom Richard had given
Aunt Stella’s shoes ... and Trudchen and her sister Anna,
seeking each other, missing each other.... Otto Rothenburg
squealing loudly that he was British.... And now Richard,
in his travellings, bumped up against Gottlieb Schnabel, who
shrank from him and shrank away into the murky gloom ... and
turned into Captain Dreyfus—“I wonder why?” That
legendary soldier who had killed his own brother on the opposite
side—he was native of No Man’s Land; and his brother, the
sticky brown gouts dripping from both his shot arms—And:
“You here too?” said Thomas Spalding to Richard, and held
out a hand.... A cloud of fog seemed to roll between them....
Thomas Spalding was lost again.
Children of No Man’s Land—of Denmark and Norway and
Sweden and Spain and Holland, entangled haphazard in one
belligerent country or another, condemned haphazard as pro-German,
pro-English.... Their bewildered avowals disbelieved
and mocked.... “Who are the neutrals? there
are no neutrals—the world is at war....” Born in one
place, reared in another, married in a third—“which is your
country?” No Man’s Land is their country ... we shall
meet them in No Man’s Land.... “An artist has no country”—artists
without number groping their way through No Man’s
Land, thinking they are walking straight ahead and out of it,
not knowing that in the darkness and the smiting din they are
walking round and round in circles....
“I have no son!” voice sombre and deep from the shadows;
a proud old man, this, naturalized English, hating Germany,
eighteen-forty-eight refugee.... He sent his son to be killed
at Gallipoli, and now they are interrogating his loyalty—“Have
you a son at the Front?” “I have no son!” He
will be accepted at his own word and valuation, or not at
all. The dead boy is too dear to stand for mere pledge and
security....
Little distracted figures plunging hither and thither, some
of them frantically waving a sheet of paper—“Look—Look,”
but there is no escape from No Man’s Land by
naturalization ... in despair the papers are thrown away—flutter
whitely in the gloom “like a paper-chase,” Richard
thinks.
He is hunting for David, in frantic need of comradeship.
“Is it you? Or you?” thrusting away each white distorted
face as it looms towards him. But David is not here—David
was once of No Man’s Land, but now no more.... Zion has
him, wholly and completely. David is a Jew, and the Jews
have been granted a cause and a kingdom.... Of no avail
to seek for David in these grey spectral fogs. The noise is
louder and louder—no definite sound, but an intensified cosmic
thudding which can be heard when body and soul are alone
and listening.... Richard is aware of loneliness drenching
him like vast breakers—must he stay here for ever?
“Lord, sir—that don’t matter ... you’re one of us all
right!” It is Corporal Plunkett’s voice which bursts the
nightmare vision ... and drags him back to the sea-wall
by the estuary....
One day men would dare to wander again, and dare to pitch
their tents in strange places ... but not those who had once
been victims; not Richard Marcus, nor his sons, nor his sons’
sons, he vowed grimly....
And with that came the idea to dig himself in. And with
the idea, determination.
He would marry—Molly, perhaps.... A sort of quick
ripple seemed to pass over the world when he thought of
Molly and of his savage outburst with her in the orchard. He
would marry her—as he had said then, whether she liked it
or not—and their son should be born in England, brought up
in England, owning land in England; he should be reared
to no ideas that were not purely insular; and he in his turn
should marry an English girl, and their son—would he be
enough Englishman yet to be allowed to tolerate foreigners?
Or must that safer, easier attitude wait for the son of his son’s
son? How many generations did it take to plant a man
securely, son of the soil?
Retrogressive, all this. The result of the war. Who could
afford, after such drastic teaching, again to omit patriotism
from fundamental need?
Richard began to muse on just how fundamental was the
need; and how much slapped on from the surface, by suggestion?
What was patriotism? He had first asked himself
this on a certain evening of shock, three years ago; and had
since only succeeded in discovering, very thoroughly, what was
the lack of it.
Sense of property, to start with ... but that presupposed
actual ownership; that a farmer, a landed proprietor, was
more directly inspired to fight for England, than—oh, than
cockney Corporal Plunkett, who was probably serving in a
shop before the call came.
Birthplace, then?—But Richard himself could answer the
question of how much that mattered to the soul.... The
law was surely overstressing topography.... The law was
polishing a hollow shell of sentimentality. David—David was
nearer truth when he defined patriotism as the sense of family:
son of our house; thence to local fanaticism: sons of our
village—and sons of our country, which was patriotism ...
but it must stop there.... Sons of our five continents ...
it sounded chilly, expanded so far. Internationalism again—Richard,
denying it, yet could not prevent thought from crashing
up against it from time to time.... One day, yes—but
the soul must first catch cold in the pursuit of it.
What was patriotism? unity of pride in the nation’s slow-born
history and tradition? Impetus of divine fury which
springs from sanctuary violated?... He remembered his
rage as the Gothas headed their insolent course straight up
the Thames—“My Thames” ... he looked down the
estuary towards the sea ... loving it ... looked up the
river past Benfleet ... good British name that, pungent
with jolly naval tradition ... his inward sight followed the
dwindling stream through London, a draped lady stepping
delicately beneath crossed blades of silver, searchlights that
protected her ... and still farther up lay the Thames valley,
noontide of green and gold drowsing gardens, and the glory of
ancient woods.... “My Thames!”
Suddenly Richard flung back his head and laughed, heartily
and with no trace of bitterness, at the mere idea that he could
love it less because his mother happened to be somewhere
else than here at the hour of his birth. It was—so entirely
ridiculous! Screaming little red-faced atom ... what
possible difference could it make to him, sucking at his bottle,
if Hun-land or home-land were beyond the windows?...
A world constructed on the arbitrary basis that each person
must be screwed down solemnly and with ritual, in residence
and in feeling, to the consecrated spot in which he was born,
was really not unlike a Gilbert and Sullivan opera.
Of course there was the old argument of “blood tells.”
Did it? His sudden rushing worship of the river-god disproved
the argument wholly. For if he were no individual
person, but the compound of his ancestors’ emotions, the
Thames would bore him, and the thought of the Rhine stir
him to unutterable pæans.
Thus Richard—he not knowing how a little shy German
boy had once crossed to England, and worn a blazer, and sculled
in a queer ecstasy from Bray to Cookham. Richard’s love of
the Thames was a heritage from Ferdie....
“I can’t get hold of it—quite——” the boy decided at last,
abandoning his quest for patriotism defined. “But it’s
there——” There, elusively, tormentingly woven into the
fabric itself; distinct from patriotism exploited, talked about,
and sung about, and worked up into posters and pictures ...
till it tasted like wood in the mouth. “Can’t a man serve
his land unquestioningly, without all this cant?” But no
emotion could be left deep-hid and dimly private—not love
of art, nor love of child, nor love of man for woman ...
patriotism must be thumbed with the rest, till its name was
Jingoism. “A patriot for lost causes, and a Jingo after victory—that’s
the difference....” Had David said so? It
sounded like David.... Richard had not quite realized as
yet how awakened by circumstances was his own powerful,
slow-moving brain.
The suck of water startlingly near.... He raised himself
on one elbow, then sprang to his feet, and saw the tide was up,
flowing in clear, luminous black over the marshes, oozing
greedily into each hole and inlet, lapping at the very foot of
the sea-wall. The bump of lifted boats was audible in the
moonless night.
Richard reflected, not without humour, that the sea had
emerged from obscurity rather too late to be of any practical
value—to him.
He looked at his watch—ten minutes after midnight. Then—he
was eighteen to-day! ... and the dreaded evening would
see him in prison—“Rum sort of birthday!”—But horror
had all been drained out of the coming ordeal, leaving it, well—a
nuisance, nothing more odious nor festering. A confounded
nuisance—but inevitable; neither the fault of those interned
nor of those who interned them; just a happening out of greater
happenings.
The last London train from Leigh would have gone by now;
he might catch an early morning workmen’s train. He did not
want to go back to the Dunnes—grimaced slightly at the mere
idea of encounter, with his burst of madness so very recent in
their minds. Why—he had come rushing out minus even his
cap; they could pack his bag and send it up to Montague
Hall ... not that he would need anything much for the next
year or two ... or for however long this dreary war was
going to last.
And after the war——?
“Let ’em go back to their own country—we don’t want ’em
here.” But, “This is my country....” Richard stood on
the sea-wall, an obstinate figure, black against the dim flat
wash of water. He was smiling a little ironically at the thought
of Mr Gryce ... voice creaking in the hall as he came in:
“Intern ’em all!”—and how he would exult on hearing
the next day that one more enemy alien had indeed been
interned!...
Suddenly, and with an unexpected tearing at the heart,
three long-drawn-out hoots of the siren shrieked across the
swamp, a pause between each, as though the deliverer were
holding his breath. Then, all along the English coast, the
pent-up tension relaxed, and “We can go to bed,” said the
English people. “That’s the All Clear!”
... The boy threw himself full length on the coarse grass;
lay with bare head pillowed on his arm; the same faint smile
still twisting his underlip:
“May as well get some sleep now,” said Richard. “That’s
the All Clear.”
The Novels of Dorothy Richardson — DOROTHY RICHARDSON
By MAY SINCLAIR
... By imposing very strict limitations on herself she has
brought her art, her method, to a high pitch of perfection, so that
her form seems to be newer than it perhaps is. She herself is unaware
of the perfection of her method. She would probably deny
that she has written with any deliberate method at all. She
would say: “I only know there are certain things I mustn’t do
if I was to do what I wanted.” Obviously, she must not interfere;
she must not analyse or comment or explain. Rather less obviously,
she must not tell a story, or handle a situation, or set a scene; she
must avoid drama as she avoids narration. And there are some
things she must not be. She must not be the wise, all-knowing
author. She must be Miriam Henderson. She must not know or
divine anything that Miriam does not know or divine; she must
not see anything that Miriam does not see. She has taken Miriam’s
nature upon her. She is not concerned, in the way that other
novelists are concerned, with character. Of the persons who move
through Miriam’s world you know nothing but what Miriam
knows. If Miriam is mistaken, well, she and not Miss Richardson
is mistaken. Miriam is an acute observer, but she is very far from
seeing the whole of these people. They are presented to us in the
same vivid but fragmentary way in which they appeared to Miriam,
the fragmentary way in which people appear to most of us. Miss
Richardson has only imposed on herself the conditions that life
imposes on us all. And if you are going to quarrel with those
conditions, you will not find her novels satisfactory. But your
satisfaction is not her concern.
And I find it impossible to reduce to intelligible terms this
satisfaction that I feel. To me these three novels show an art and
method and form carried to punctilious perfection. Yet I have
heard other novelists say that they have no art and no method
and no form, and that it is this formlessness that annoys them.
They say that they have no beginning and no middle and no end,
and that to have form a novel must have an end and a beginning
and a middle. We have come to words that in more primitive
times would have been blows on this subject. There is a certain
plausibility in what they say, but it depends on what constitutes
a beginning and a middle and an end. In this series there is no
drama, no situation, no set scene. Nothing happens. It is just
life going on and on. It is Miriam Henderson’s stream of consciousness
going on and on. And in neither is there any grossly
discernible beginning or middle or end.
In identifying herself with this life, which is Miriam’s stream
of consciousness, Miss Richardson produces her effect of being the
first of getting closer to reality than any of our novelists who are
trying so desperately to get close. No attitude or gesture of her
own is allowed to come between her and her effect. Whatever
her sources and her raw material, she is concerned, and we ought
to be concerned solely with the finished result, the work of art.
It is to Miriam’s almost painfully acute senses that we owe what
in any other novelist would be called the “portraits” of Miriam’s
mother, of her sister Harriett, of the Corries and Joey Banks in
Honeycomb, of the Miss Pernes and Julia Doyle, and the North
London schoolgirls, in Backwater, of Fräulein Pfaff and Mademoiselle,
of the Martins and Emma Bergmann and Ulrica and
“the Australian” in Pointed Roofs. The mere “word-painting”
is masterly....
It is as if no other writers had ever used their senses so purely
and with so intense a joy in their use.
This intensity is the effect of an extreme concentration on the
thing seen or felt. Miss Richardson disdains every stroke that
does not tell. Her novels are novels of an extraordinary compression,
and of an extenuation more extraordinary still. The
moments of Miriam’s consciousness pass one by one, or overlapping;
moments tense with vibration, moments drawn out fine,
almost to snapping-point.—From an article published in “The
Egoist,” April 1918.
Pointed Roofs
Backwater
Honeycomb
The Tunnel
Interim
DUCKWORTH & CO., PUBLISHERS, COVENT GARDEN, LONDON