"We know our motives least in their confused beginning."
—Browning.
Honor sat alone in the drawing-room, a basket of socks and
stockings at her elbow, her thoughts working as busily as
her needle. This girl had reduced the prosaic necessity of
darning to a fine art; and since Evelyn's efforts in that
direction bore an odd resemblance to ill-constructed lattice
windows, Honor had taken pity on the maltreated garments
very early in the day.
Evelyn herself was at the tennis-courts, with the Kresneys
and Harry Denvil, a state of things that had become
increasingly frequent of late; and a ceaseless murmur of two
deep voices came to Honor's ears through the open door of
the study, where Desmond was talking and reading Persian
with his friend Rajinder Singh.
Honor enjoyed working to the accompaniment of that sound. It
had grown pleasantly familiar during the past week, in which
Desmond had been cut off from outdoor activities. When the
Persian lesson was over, he would come in to her for a talk.
Then there would be music, and possibly a game of chess; for
Desmond was an enthusiastic player. They had spent one or
two afternoons in this fashion already, since the night of
the fire; and their intimacy bid fair to ripen into a very
satisfying friendship.
To the end of time, writers and thinkers will continue to
insist upon the impossibility of such friendships; and to
the end of time, men and women will persist in playing with
this form of fire. For it is precisely the possibility of
fire under the surface which lends its peculiar fascination
to an experiment old as the Pyramids, yet eternally fresh as
the first leaf-bud of spring.
In the past five years Honor had established two genuine
friendships with men of widely different temperaments; and
she saw herself now—not without a certain quickening of
heart and pulse—in a fair way to establishing a third.
The hum of voices ceased; there were footsteps in the hall;
a few hearty words of leave-taking from the Englishman, and
two minutes later he stood before her, his left sleeve
hanging limp and empty; the arm and shoulder strapped
tightly into place beneath the flap of his coat.
"Not gone out yet?" he said, a ring of satisfaction in his
tone. "Going to join Ladybird at the club later on?"
"No. As she had this engagement I stayed at home in case you
might be glad to have some one to 'play with' after your
long lesson was over."
"Just like you!" he declared, with a touch of brotherly
frankness, which was peculiarly pleasing to this
brother-loving girl. "I've been rather overdoing the Persian
this week. You must give me some Beethoven presently. And if
you really mean to 'play with' me you must also leave off
looking so aggressively industrious."
His eyes rested, in speaking, on the rapid movement of her
needle, and he became suddenly aware of the nature of her
work.
"Look here, Honor," he exclaimed. "I draw the line at that!
Ladybird ought not to allow it. We've no right to turn you
into a domestic drudge."
"Ladybird—as you so delightfully call her—knows me far too
well to try and stop me when she sees I mean to have my own
way! Shall you mind if I go shares in your special name for
her? It suits her even better than her own."
"Yes, it seems to express her, somehow—doesn't it?"
An unconscious tenderness invaded his tone, and his glance
turned upon a panel photograph of his wife in her
wedding-dress that stood near him on the mantelpiece.
Watching it thus, he fell into a thoughtful silence, which
Honor made no attempt to break. Speaking or silent his
companionship was equally acceptable to her: and while she
awaited his pleasure a great hole, made by the removal of
one of Evelyn's "lattice windows," filled up apace.
Of a sudden he turned from the picture, and, drawing up a
low chair, sat down before her, leaning a little forward,
his elbow resting on his knee. The urgency and gravity of
his bearing made her at once lay down her work.
"Honor," he began, "I'm bothered ... about Ladybird, ...
that's the truth. I wonder if I can speak without fear of
your misunderstanding me?"
"Try me! I am only too glad to help her in any way."
His intense look softened to a smile.
"You've made that clear enough already. I begin to wonder
what she will do when John comes back to claim you again.
You so thoroughly understand her, and thoroughly—love her."
"She is a creature born to be loved."
"And to be kept happy," he added very quietly. "But the
vital question is whether that is at all possible in Kohat,
or in any other of our stations; for Kohat is by no means
the worst. She hates the place, doesn't she? She's counting
the days to get away to the Hills. You know you can't look
me straight in the face and say she is happy here."
The unexpected attack struck Honor into momentary silence.
Desmond was fatally quick to perceive the shadow of
hesitation, transient as a breath upon glass; and when she
would have spoken he silenced her with a peremptory hand.
"Don't perjure yourself, Honor. Your eyes have told me all I
wanted to know."
Distress gave her a courage that surprised herself.
"Indeed they have done nothing of the kind! You ask a direct
question, and you are bound in fairness to hear my answer.
The life here is still very new to Evelyn, and she has not
quite found her footing yet;—that is all. I have had it
from her own lips that the place matters very little to her
so long as she is—with you; and you go too far in saying
that she is not happy here."
But her words did not carry conviction. He was still under
the influence of his wife's curious aloofness since the
night of the fire.
"You're trying to let me down gently, Honor," he said, with
a rather cheerless smile. "And you may as well save yourself
the trouble. Only—this is where you must not
misunderstand me, please,—no shadow of blame attaches to
Ladybird if she isn't happy. I had no right to bring her up
to this part of the world, knowing it as I did; and I've no
right to keep her here. That's the position, in a nutshell."
"Do you mean you ought to—send her away?"
"No—take her away."
Honor started visibly.
"But—surely—that's impossible?"
"I think not," he said, in a matter-of-fact tone that
distressed her more keenly than any display of emotion.
"It's merely a question of facing facts. If I had money
enough, I could throw up the Army and take her home. But, as
matters stand, I can only do the next best thing, and give
up—the Frontier, by exchanging into a down-country
regiment."
"The Frontier...! Theo! Do you realise what you are
saying?"
"Perfectly."
"Oh, but it's folly—worse than folly! To give up what you
have worked for all these years—the men who worship
you—your friends, the regiment——"
"They would survive the loss. I don't flatter myself I'm
indispensable. Besides, this isn't a question of me or my
friends. I am thinking of Ladybird."
The coolness of his tone, and the set determination of his
mouth, chilled her fervour like a draught of cold air.
"Oh, if only Major Wyndham were here!" she murmured
desperately.
"Thank God he is not! And if he were, it would make no
difference. I shouldn't dream of discussing such a matter
with him or—any of them. When my mind is made up, I shall
tell him; that is all."
He rose as though the matter were ended; but Honor had no
mind to let him shut the door upon it—yet.
"It is strange that you can speak so," she said, "when you
must know, better than any one, what your leaving the
regiment would mean—to Major Wyndham."
"Yes—I know," he answered quietly, and the pain in his eyes
made her half regret her own daring. "The only two big
difficulties in the way are my father—and Paul."
"I see a whole army of others almost as big."
"That is only because you are always in sympathy with the
man's point of view."
"A matter like this ought to be looked at first and
foremost from the man's point of view. The truth is, Theo,
that you have simply appealed to me in the hope of having
your own Quixotic notion confirmed. You want me to say,
'Yes, go; you will be doing quite right.' And—think what
you will of me—I flatly refuse to say it!"
He regarded her for a few seconds in an admiring silence,
the smile deepening in his eyes. Then:
"Don't you think you are a little hard on me?" he said at
length. "It is not altogether easy to do—this sort of
thing."
Honor made no immediate reply, though the strongest chords
of her being vibrated in response to his words. Then she
rose also, and stood before him; her head tilted a little
upwards; her candid eyes resting deliberately upon his own.
Standing thus, at her full height, she appeared commandingly
beautiful, but in the stress of the moment the fact counted
for nothing with either of them. All the hidden forces of
her nature were set to remove the dogged line from his
mouth; and he himself, looking on the fair outward show of
her, saw only a mind clear as crystal, lit up by the white
light of truth.
For an instant they fronted one another—spirits of equal
strength. Then Honor spoke.
"If I do seem hard on you, it is only because I want,
above all things, to convince you that your idea is wrong
from every point of view. You have paid me a very high
compliment to-day. I want you to pay me a still higher one:
to believe that I am speaking the simple truth, as I see it,
from a woman's standpoint, not merely trying to save you
from unhappiness. May I speak out straight?"
"As plainly as you please, Honor. Your opinion will not be
despised, I promise you."
"Well, then—is it fair on Evelyn to make her upbringing
responsible for such a serious turn of the wheel? Would you
give her no voice in the matter—treat her as if she were a
mere child?"
"She is very little more than a child."
"Indeed, Theo, she is a great deal more. She is a woman, ...
and a wife. The woman's soul isn't fully awake in her yet;
but it may come awake any day. And then—how would she feel
if she ever found out——"
"She never would——"
"How can you tell? Women find out most things about the men
they—care for. It's a risk not worth running. Would she
even acquiesce if you put the matter before her now, child
as she is?"
"Frankly, I don't know. Possibly not. She isn't able to see
ahead much, or look all round a subject."
"Shall you be very angry if I say that you haven't yet
looked thoroughly round this one? The idea probably came to
you as an impulse—a very fine impulse, I admit; and,
instead of fairly weighing pros and cons, you have simply
been hunting up excuses that will justify you in carrying it
out; because, for the moment, Evelyn seems a little
discontented with things in general."
The hard lines about his mouth relaxed.
"You are speaking straight with a vengeance, Honor!"
"I know I am. It's necessary sometimes, when people
are—obstinate!" And she smiled frankly into his troubled
face. "Oh, believe me, it's fatal for the man to throw all
his life out of gear on account of the woman. It's putting
things the wrong way about altogether. In accepting her
husband, a woman must be prepared to accept his life and
work also."
"But, suppose she can't realise either till—too late?"
"That's a drawback. But if she really cares, it can still be
done. I am jealous for Evelyn. I want her to have the chance
of showing that she has good stuff in her. Give her the
chance, Theo; and if she doesn't quite rise to it, don't
feel that you are in any way to blame."
"I'd be bound to feel that."
"Then I can only say it would be very wrong-headed of you."
Her eyes softened to a passing tenderness nevertheless. "Let
the blame, if there is any, rest on my shoulders; and we'll
hope that the need may never arise. Now, have I said enough?
Will you—will you leave things as they are, and put aside
your impossible notion for good?"
The urgency of her request so touched him that he answered
with a readiness which surprised himself.
"No question but you're a friend worth having! I promise you
this much, Honor. I will think very thoroughly over it all,
since you accuse me of not having done so yet! And we'll let
the matter rest for the present, anyway. I'd like to get you
both to the Hills as soon as possible. These Kresneys are
becoming something of a nuisance. It's past my comprehension
how she can find any pleasure in their company. But she has
little enough amusement here, and I'm loth to spoil any of
it. She'll enjoy going up to Murree, though, sooner than she
expected; and as Mackay insists on my taking fifteen days
before getting back to work, I can go with you, and settle
you up there in about a week's time. You'll see after her,
for me, won't you, Honor? She's a little heedless and
inexperienced still; and you'll keep an eye on household
matters more or less?"
"Of course I will, and make her see to them herself, too;
though it seems rather like expecting a flower to learn the
multiplication table! She is so obviously just made to be
loved and protected."
"And kept happy," he insisted, with an abrupt reversion to
his original argument.
"Yes—within reasonable limits. Now, sit down, please, and
light up. You've been all this time without a cigar!"
But the cigar was hardly lighted before they were startled
by a confused sound of shouting from the compound;—a blur
of shrill and deep voices, punctuated by the strained
discordant bark of a dog;—a bark unmistakable to ears that
have heard it once. Desmond sprang out of his chair.
"By Jove! A mad pariah!"
Lifting Rob by the scruff of his neck, he flung that amazed
and dignified person with scant ceremony into the study, and
shut the door; then, judging by the direction of the sound,
hurried out to the front verandah, snatching up a heavy
stick as he passed through the hall. Honor, following not
far behind, went quickly into her own room.
Desmond found his sun-diffused compound abandoned to a
tumult of terror. Fourteen servants and their belongings had
all turned out in force, with sticks, and staves, and
valiant shakings of partially unwound turbans, against the
unwelcome intruder—a mangy-coated pariah, with lolling
tongue and foam-flecked lips, whose bones showed through
hairless patches of skin; and whose bared fangs snapped
incessantly at everything and nothing, in a manner gruesome
to behold. A second crowd of outsiders, huddled close to the
gates, was also very zealous in the matter of shouting, and
of winnowing the empty air.
As Desmond set foot on the verandah, a four-year-old boy,
bent on closer investigation of the enemy, escaped from the
"home" battalion. His small mother pursued him, shrieking;
but at the first snap the dog's teeth met in the child's
fluttering shirt, and his shrieks soared, high and thin,
above the deeper torrent of sound.
In an instant Desmond was beside him, the stick swung high
over his head. But a low sun smote him straight in the eyes,
and there was scant time for accurate aim. The stick merely
grazed the dog's shoulder in passing; and Desmond almost
lost his balance from the unresisted force of the blow.
The girl-mother caught wildly at her son; and prostrating
herself at a safe distance, babbled incoherent and unheeded
gratitude. The dog, mad with rage and pain, made a
purposeful spring at his one definite assailant; and once
again Desmond, half-blinded with sunlight, swung the heavy
stick aloft. But before it fell a revolver shot rang out
close behind him; and the dog dropped like a stone, with a
bullet through his brain.
A shout of quite another new quality went up from the crowd;
and Desmond, turning sharply on his heel, confronted Honor
Meredith, white to the lips, the strong light making an
aureole of her hair.
The hand that held the revolver quivered a little, and he
caught it in so strong a grip that she winced under the
pressure.
"It would be mere impertinence to say 'thank you,'" he
murmured with low-toned vehemence. But his eyes, that sought
her own, shamed the futility of speech. "The sun was
blinding me; and if I'd missed the second time——"
"Oh, hush, hush!" she pleaded with a quick catch of her
breath. "Look, there's Rajinder Singh coming back."
"He must have seen what happened; and by the look of him, I
imagine he will have no great difficulty in expressing his
feelings."
Indeed, the tall Sikh, whose finely-cut face and cavernous
eye-bones suggested a carving in old ivory, bowed himself
almost to the ground before the girl who had saved his
admired Captain Sahib from the possibility of a hideous
death.
But in the midst of an impassioned flow of words, his deep
voice faltered; and squaring his shoulders, he saluted
Desmond with a gleam of fire in his eyes.
"There be more things in the heart of a man, Hazúr, than the
tongue can be brought to utter. But, of a truth, the Miss
Sahib hath done good service for the Border this day."
Desmond flung a smiling glance at Honor.
"There's fame for you!" he said, with a lightness that was
mere foam and spray from great deeps. "The whole Border-side
is at your feet!—But what brought you back again, Rajinder
Singh?"
"Merely a few words I omitted to say to your Honour at
parting."
The words were soon spoken; and the crowd, breaking up into
desultory groups, was beginning to disperse, when, to his
surprise, Desmond saw his wife's jhampan appear between the
gate-posts, and pause for a moment while she took leave of
some one on the farther side. Instinctively he moved forward
to greet her; but, on perceiving her companion, changed his
mind, and stood awaiting her by the verandah steps.
The dead dog lay full in the middle of the path; and Honor,
still holding her revolver, stood only a few yards away. At
sight of these things the faint shadow of irritation upon
Evelyn's face deepened to disgust, not unmixed with fear,
and her voice had a touch of sharpness in it as she turned
upon her husband.
"Who on earth put that horrible dog there, Theo? And why is
Honor wandering about with a pistol? I met a whole lot of
natives coming away. Has anything been happening?"
"The dog was mad, and Honor shot him," Desmond answered,
with cool abruptness. Her manner of parting from Kresney had
set the blood throbbing in his temples. "I only had a stick
to tackle him with; and she very pluckily came to my
rescue."
While he spoke, Honor turned and went into the house. She
was convinced that Evelyn would strike a jarring note, and
in her present mood felt ill able to endure it.
Evelyn frowned.
"Oh, Theo, how troublesome you are! If the dog had bitten a
few natives, who'd have cared?"
"Their relations, I suppose. And there was a child in
danger, Evelyn."
"Poor little thing! But you really can't go about trying to
get killed for the benefit of any stray sort of people. I am
thankful I wasn't here!"
"Yes—it was just as well," her husband answered drily, as
he handed her out of the jhampan. "What brought you back so
early?"
"The sun was too hot. I had a headache; and we were all
playing abominably. I'm going in now, to lie down."
She paused beside him, and her eyes lingered upon his empty
coat-sleeve. Lifting it distastefully between finger and
thumb, she glanced up at him with a droop of her delicate
lips.
"When is it going to be better? I hate to see you looking
all one-sided like that."
"I'm sorry," he answered humbly. "But Nature won't be
persuaded to hurry herself—even to please you." He
scrutinised her face with a shade of anxiety.
"You do look white, Ladybird. How would it be if I took you
to Murree in a week's time?"
"It would be simply lovely! Can you do it—really? Would
you let me go so soon?"
"Let you go? Do you think I want to keep you here a moment
later than you care to stay?"
"Theo!" Instant reproach clouded the April brightness of her
face. "How horrid you are! I thought you liked to have me
here as long as possible."
He laughed outright at that. He was apt to find her
unreasonableness more charming than irritating.
"Surely, little woman, that goes without saying. But if the
heat is troubling you, and headaches, I like better to have
you where you can be rid of both; and as the notion seems to
please you, we'll consider the matter settled."
Between nine and ten that evening, when the three were
sitting together in the drawing-room, the outer stillness
was broken by a sound of many footsteps and voices rapidly
nearing the house. No native crowd this time. The steps and
voices were unmistakably English; and Desmond rose hastily.
"This must be Rajinder Singh's doing! It looks as if they
meant to overwhelm us in force."
Evelyn had risen also, with a slight frown between her
brows.
"Can't I go to bed before they come, Theo? I'm very tired,
and they're sure to make a dreadful noise."
"I'm afraid that won't do at all," he said decisively, a
rare note of reproof in his tone. "They probably won't stop
long, and you must please stay up till they go."
As he spoke, Harry Denvil in white Mess uniform, scarlet
kummerband, and jingling spurs, plunged into the room.
"I'm only the advance guard! The whole regiment's coming on
behind—even the Colonel—to drink Miss Meredith's health!"
He turned upon the girl and shook hands with her at great
length. "All the same, you know," he protested laughing,
"it's not fair play for you to go doing that sort of
thing. Wish I'd had the chance of it myself!"
Such speeches are impossible to answer; and Honor was
thankful that the main body of troops arrived in time to
save her from the futile attempt.
But she was only at the beginning of her ordeal.
By the time that Mrs Olliver and six men had wrung her hand
with varying degrees of vigour, each adding a characteristic
tribute of thanks and praise, her cheeks were on fire; and a
mist, which she tried vainly to dispel, blurred her vision.
Through that mist, she was aware of Frank vigorously shaking
hands with Desmond, scolding and blessing him in one breath.
"Ah, Theo, man, you're a shocking bad lot!" was her sisterly
greeting. "Never clear out o' one frying-pan till you're
into the next! Thank the Powers Miss Meredith was handy."
And swinging round on her heel she accosted the girl
herself. "No mistaking the stock you come of, Honor, me
dear!"
Submerged in blushes, Honor could scarce command her voice.
"But really—I only——"
"You only hit the bull's eye like a man, Miss Meredith,"
Captain Olliver took her up promptly. "The Major never told
us he was adding a crack shot to the regiment!" And he swept
her a bow that reduced her to silence.
More overwhelming than all were the few direct words from
Colonel Buchanan himself; a tall, hard-featured Scot, so
entirely absorbed in his profession that he never, save of
dire necessity, set foot in a lady's drawing-room.
Paul Wyndham introduced him, and moved aside, leaving them
together. For an instant he treated the girl to the quiet
scrutiny of clear blue eyes, unpleasantly penetrating. He
had scarcely looked at her till now. Still unreconciled to
Desmond's marriage, he had resented the introduction of a
third woman into the regiment; and he found himself
momentarily bewildered by her beauty.
"I ought to be better acquainted with you, Miss Meredith,"
he said a little stiffly, sincerity struggling through
natural reticence, like a light through a fog. "I'm no
lady's man, as you probably know, but I had to come and
thank you to-night. Desmond's quite my finest officer—no
disrespect to your brother; he knows it as well as I do——"
"Here you are, Colonel!" Geoff Olliver thrust a long tumbler
into his senior's hand. "We're going to let off steam by
drinking Miss Meredith's health before we go back."
Honor looked round hastily, in hopes of effecting an
escape, and was confronted by Desmond's eyes looking
straight into her own. He lifted his glass with a smile of
the frankest friendliness; and the rest followed his
example.
"Miss Meredith, your very good health."
The words went round the room in a deep disjointed murmur;
and Frank Olliver, stepping impulsively forward, held out
her glass to the girl.
"Here's to your health and good luck, with all my heart,
Honor, ... the Honor o' the regiment!" she added, with a
flash of her white teeth.
Uproarious shouts greeted the spontaneous sally.
"Hear, hear! Well played, indeed, Mrs Olliver! Pity Meredith
couldn't have heard that."
Olliver laid a heavy hand on Desmond's shoulder.
"Tell you what, old chap," he said. "You must come back with
us; and, by Jove, we'll make a night of it. Finest possible
thing for you after a week's moping on the sick list; and
we'll just keep Mackay hanging round in case you get knocked
out of shape. I'll slip into uniform myself and follow on.
That suit you, Colonel?"
"Down to the ground; if Mackay has no objection."
But Mackay knew his men too well to have anything of the
sort; and Desmond's eyes gleamed.
"How about uniform for me, sir?" he asked. "I could manage
it after a fashion."
Colonel Buchanan smiled.
"No doubt you could! But I'll overlook it to-night. The
fellows want you. Won't do to keep them waiting!"
Followed a babel of talk and laughter, in the midst of which
Honor, who had moved a little apart, became aware that
Desmond was at her side.
"Never mind them, Honor," he said in a low voice. "They mean
it very well, and they don't realise that it's a little
overwhelming for us both. I won't pile it on by saying any
more on my own account. Wait till I get a chance to repay
you in kind—that's all!"
His words spurred her to a sudden resolve.
"You have the chance now, if it doesn't seem like taking a
mean advantage of—things."
"Mean advantages are not in your line. You've only to say
the word."
"Then stick to the Frontier!" she answered, an imperative
ring in her low voice. "Doesn't to-night convince you that
you've no right to leave them all?"
His face grew suddenly grave.
"The only right is to stand by Ladybird—at all costs."
"Yes, yes—I know. But remember what I said about her side
of it. Give her the chance to find herself, Theo; and give
me your word now to think no more about leaving the
Border. Will you?"
He did not answer at once, nor did he remove his eyes from
her face.
"Do you care so much what I do with the rest of my life?" he
said at last very quietly.
"Yes—I do; for Ladybird's sake."
"I see. Well, there's no denying your privilege—now to have
some voice in the matter. I give you my word, and if it
turns out a mistake, the blame be on my own head. The
fellows are making a move now. I must go. Good-night."
The men departed accordingly with much clatter of footsteps
and jingling of spurs; and only Mrs Olliver remained behind.
Evelyn Desmond had succeeded in slipping away unnoticed a
few minutes earlier. She alone, among them all, had spoken
no word of gratitude to her friend.