BY PISISTRATUS CAXTON.
In my next chapter I shall present
Squire Hazeldean in patriarchal state—not
exactly under the fig-tree he
has planted, but before the stocks he
has reconstructed.—Squire Hazeldean
and his family on the village green! The
canvass is all ready for the colours.
But in this chapter I must so far
afford a glimpse into antecedents as
to let the reader know that there is
one member of the family whom he
is not likely to meet at present, if ever,
on the village green at Hazeldean.
Our squire lost his father two years
after his birth; his mother was very
handsome—and so was her jointure;
she married again at the expiration
of her year of mourning—the object of
her second choice was Colonel Egerton.
In every generation of Englishmen
(at least since the lively reign of
Charles II.) there are a few whom
some elegant Genius skims off from
the milk of human nature, and reserves
for the cream of society. Colonel
Egerton was one of these terque, quaterque
beati, and dwelt apart on a top
shelf in that delicate porcelain dish—not
bestowed upon vulgar buttermilk—which
persons of fashion call The
Great World. Mighty was the marvel
of Pall Mall, and profound was the
pity of Park Lane, when this supereminent
personage condescended to
lower himself into a husband. But
Colonel Egerton was not a mere
gaudy butterfly; he had the provident
instincts ascribed to the bee.
Youth had passed from him—and
carried off much solid property in
its flight; he saw that a time was fast
coming when a home, with a partner
who could help to maintain it, would
be conducive to his comforts, and an
occasional humdrum evening by the
fireside beneficial to his health. In
the midst of one season at Brighton,
to which gay place he had accompanied
the Prince of Wales, he saw a
widow who, though in the weeds of
mourning, did not appear inconsolable.
Her person pleased his taste—the
accounts of her jointure satisfied
his understanding; he contrived an
introduction, and brought a brief
wooing to a happy close. The late
Mr Hazeldean had so far anticipated
the chance of the young widow's
second espousals, that, in case of that
event, he transferred, by his testamentary
dispositions, the guardianship
of his infant heir from the mother
to two squires whom he had named
his executors. This circumstance combined
with her new ties somewhat to
alienate Mrs Hazeldean from the
pledge of her former loves; and when
she had born a son to Colonel Egerton,
it was upon that child that her
maternal affections gradually concentrated.
William Hazeldean was sent by
his guardians to a large provincial
academy, at which his forefathers
had received their education time
out of mind. At first he spent
his holidays with Mrs Egerton; but
as she now resided either in London,
or followed her lord to Brighton to
partake of the gaieties at the Pavilion—so,
as he grew older, William, who
had a hearty affection for country life,
and of whose bluff manners and rural
breeding Mrs Egerton (having grown
exceedingly refined) was openly
ashamed, asked and obtained permission
to spend his vacations either
with his guardians or at the old hall.
He went late to a small college at
Cambridge, endowed in the fifteenth
century by some ancestral Hazeldean;
and left it, on coming of age, without
taking a degree. A few years afterwards
he married a young lady,
country born and bred like himself.
Meanwhile his half-brother, Audley
Egerton, may be said to have begun
his initiation into the beau monde
before he had well cast aside his coral
and bells; he had been fondled in the
lap of duchesses, and galloped across
the room astride on the canes of ambassadors
and princes. For Colonel
Egerton was not only very highly
connected—not only one of the Dii
majoris of fashion—but he had the
still rarer good fortune to be an
exceedingly popular man with all who
knew him;—so popular, that even the
fine ladies whom he had adored and
abandoned forgave him for marrying
out of "the set," and continued to be
as friendly as if he had not married at
all. People who were commonly
called heartless, were never weary of
doing kind things to the Egertons.—When
the time came for Audley to
leave the preparatory school, at which
his infancy budded forth amongst the
stateliest of the little lilies of the
field, and go to Eton, half the fifth
and sixth forms had been canvassed
to be exceedingly civil to young
Egerton. The boy soon showed that
he inherited his father's talent for
acquiring popularity, and that to this
talent he added those which put popularity
to use. Without achieving any
scholastic distinction, he yet contrived
to establish at Eton the most desirable
reputation which a boy can obtain—namely,
that among his own contemporaries—the
reputation of a boy who
was sure to do something when he
grew to be a man. As a gentleman
commoner at Christ Church, Oxford,
he continued to sustain this high expectation,
though he won no prizes
and took but an ordinary degree; and
at Oxford the future "something"
became more defined—it was "something
in public life" that this young
man was to do.
While he was yet at the university,
both his parents died—within a few
months of each other. And when
Audley Egerton came of age, he succeeded
to a paternal property which
was supposed to be large, and indeed
had once been so, but Colonel Egerton
had been too lavish a man to
enrich his heir, and about £1500
a-year was all that sales and mortgages
left of an estate that had
formerly approached a rental of ten
thousand pounds.
Still, Audley was considered to be
opulent, and he did not dispel that
favourable notion by any imprudent
exhibition of parsimony. On entering
the world of London, the Clubs flew
open to receive him: and he woke one
morning to find himself, not indeed
famous—but the fashion. To this
fashion he at once gave a certain
gravity and value—he associated as
much as possible with public men and
political ladies—he succeeded in confirming
the notion that he was 'born
to ruin or to rule the State.'
Now, his dearest and most intimate
friend was Lord L'Estrange, from
whom he had been inseparable at
Eton; and who now, if Audley Egerton
was the fashion, was absolutely
the rage in London.
Harley Lord L'Estrange was the
only son of the Earl of Lansmere,
a nobleman of considerable wealth,
and allied by intermarriages to the
loftiest and most powerful families
in England. Lord Lansmere, nevertheless,
was but little known in the
circles of London. He lived chiefly
on his estates, occupying himself with
the various duties of a great proprietor,
and rarely came to the metropolis;
so that he could afford to give
his son a very ample allowance, when
Harley, at the age of sixteen, (having
already attained to the sixth form at
Eton,) left school for one of the regiments
of the Guards.
Few knew what to make of Harley
L'Estrange—and that was, perhaps,
the reason why he was so much
thought of. He had been by far the
most brilliant boy of his time at
Eton—not only the boast of the
cricket-ground, but the marvel of the
school-room—yet so full of whims
and oddities, and seeming to achieve
his triumphs with so little aid from
steadfast application, that he had not
left behind him the same expectations
of solid eminence which his friend and
senior, Audley Egerton, had excited.
His eccentricities—his quaint sayings
and out-of-the-way actions, became
as notable in the great world as they
had been in the small one of a public
school. That he was very clever there
was no doubt, and that the cleverness
was of a high order might be surmised
not only from the originality but the
independence of his character. He
dazzled the world, without seeming to
care for its praise or its censure—dazzled
it, as it were, because he could
not help shining. He had some
strange notions, whether political or
social, which rather frightened his
father. According to Southey, "A man
should be no more ashamed of having
been a republican than of having been
young." Youth and extravagant opinions
naturally go together. I don't
know whether Harley L'Estrange was
a republican at the age of eighteen;
but there was no young man in London
who seemed to care less for being heir
to an illustrious name and some forty
or fifty thousand pounds a-year. It
was a vulgar fashion in that day to
play the exclusive, and cut persons
who wore bad neckcloths and called
themselves Smith or Johnson. Lord
L'Estrange never cut any one, and it
was quite enough to slight some
worthy man because of his neckcloth
or his birth, to ensure to the offender
the pointed civilities of this eccentric
successor to the Dorimonts and the
Wildairs.
It was the wish of his father that
Harley, as soon as he came of age,
should represent the borough of Lansmere,
(which said borough was the
single plague of the Earl's life.) But
this wish was never realised. Suddenly,
when the young idol of London
still wanted some two or three years
of his majority, a new whim appeared
to seize him. He withdrew entirely
from society—he left unanswered the
most pressing three-cornered notes of
inquiry and invitation that ever
strewed the table of a young Guardsman;
he was rarely seen anywhere in
his former haunts—when seen, was
either alone or with Egerton; and his
gay spirits seemed wholly to have left
him. A profound melancholy was
written in his countenance, and
breathed in the listless tones of his
voice. At this time the Guards were
achieving in the Peninsula their imperishable
renown; but the battalion
to which Harley belonged was detained
at home; and whether chafed by inaction
or emulous of glory, the young
Lord suddenly exchanged into a
cavalry regiment, from which a recent
memorable conflict had swept one half
the officers. Just before he joined,
a vacancy happening to occur for the
representation of Lansmere, he made
it his special request to his father that
the family interest might be given to
his friend Egerton—went down to the
Park, which adjoined the borough, to
take leave of his parents—and Egerton
followed, to be introduced to the
electors. This visit made a notable
epoch in the history of many personages
who figure in my narrative; but
at present I content myself with saying,
that circumstances arose which,
just as the canvass for the new election
commenced, caused both L'Estrange
and Audley to absent themselves from
the scene of action, and that the last
even wrote to Lord Lansmere expressing
his intention of declining to contest
the borough.
Fortunately for the parliamentary
career of Audley Egerton, the election
had become to Lord Lansmere not
only a matter of public importance,
but of personal feeling. He resolved
that the battle should be fought out,
even in the absence of the candidate,
and at his own expense. Hitherto
the contest for this distinguished
borough had been, to use the language
of Lord Lansmere, "conducted
in the spirit of gentlemen,"—that is
to say, the only opponents to the
Lansmere interest had been found in
one or the other of two rival families in
the same county; and as the Earl
was a hospitable courteous man, much
respected and liked by the neighbouring
gentry, so the hostile candidate
had always interlarded his speeches
with profuse compliments to his
Lordship's high character, and civil
expressions as to his Lordship's candidate.
But, thanks to successive
elections, one of these two families
had come to an end, and its actual
representative was now residing within
the Rules of the Bench; the head of
the other family was the sitting
member, and, by an amicable agreement
with the Lansmere interest, he
remained as neutral as it is in the
power of any sitting member to be
amidst the passions of an intractable
committee. Accordingly, it had been
hoped that Egerton would come in
without opposition, when, the very
day on which he had abruptly left the
place, a handbill, signed "Haverill
Dashmore, Captain R.N., Baker
Street, Portman Square," announced,
in very spirited language, the intention
of that gentleman to emancipate
the borough from the unconstitutional
domination of an oligarchical
faction, not with a view to his own
political aggrandisement—indeed, at
great personal inconvenience—but
actuated solely by abhorrence to
tyranny, and patriotic passion for the
purity of election.
This announcement was followed,
within two hours, by the arrival of
Captain Dashmore himself, in a carriage-and-four
covered with yellow
favours, and filled, inside and out,
with harum-scarum looking friends
who had come down with him to aid
the canvass and share the fun.
Captain Dashmore was a thorough
sailor, who had, however, taken a
disgust to the profession from the date
in which a Minister's nephew had
been appointed to the command of a
ship to which the Captain considered
himself unquestionably entitled. It
is just to the Minister to add, that
Captain Dashmore had shown as
little regard for orders from a distance,
as had immortalized Nelson
himself; but then the disobedience
had not achieved the same redeeming
success as that of Nelson, and Captain
Dashmore ought to have thought
himself fortunate in escaping a severer
treatment than the loss of promotion.
But no man knows when he is well
off; and retiring on half-pay, just as
he came into unexpected possession
of some forty or fifty thousand
pounds, bequeathed by a distant relation,
Captain Dashmore was seized
with a vindictive desire to enter parliament,
and inflict oratorical chastisement
on the Administration.
A very few hours sufficed to show
the sea-captain to be a most capital
electioneerer for a small and not very
enlightened borough. It is true that
he talked the saddest nonsense ever
heard from an open window; but
then his jokes were so broad, his
manner so hearty, his voice so big,
that in those dark days, before the
schoolmaster was abroad, he would
have beaten your philosophical Radical
and moralising Democrat hollow.
Moreover he kissed all the women,
old and young, with all the zest of a
sailor who has known what it is to be
three years at sea without sight of a
beardless lip; he threw open all the
public-houses, asked a numerous
committee every day to dinner, and,
chucking his purse up in the air, declared
"he would stick to his guns
while there was a shot in the locker."
Till then, there had been but little
political difference between the candidate
supported by Lord Lansmere's
interest and the opposing parties—for
country gentlemen, in those days,
were pretty much of the same way of
thinking, and the question had been
really local—viz., whether the Lansmere
interest should or should not
prevail over that of the two squirearchical
families who had alone,
hitherto, ventured to oppose it. But
though Captain Dashmore was really
a very loyal man, and much too old a
sailor to think that the State (which,
according to established metaphor, is
a vessel, par excellence,) should admit
Jack upon quarterdeck, yet,
what with talking against lords and
aristocracy, jobs and abuses, and
searching through no very refined
vocabulary for the strongest epithets
to apply to those irritating nouns-substantive,
his bile had got the
better of his understanding, and he
became fuddled, as it were, by his
own eloquence. Thus, though as
innocent of Jacobinical designs as he
was incapable of setting the Thames
on fire, you would have guessed him,
by his speeches, to be one of the most
determined incendiaries that ever applied
a match to the combustible materials
of a contested election; while,
being by no means accustomed to respect
his adversaries, he could not
have treated the Earl of Lansmere
with less ceremony if his Lordship
had been a Frenchman. He usually
designated that respectable nobleman
by the title of "Old Pompous;" and
the Mayor, who was never seen abroad
but in top-boots, and the Solicitor,
who was of a large build, received
from his irreverent wit the joint
soubriquet of "Tops and Bottoms!"
Hence the election had now become,
as I said before, a personal matter
with my Lord, and, indeed, with
the great heads of the Lansmere
interest. The Earl seemed to consider
his very coronet at stake in
the question. "The man from
Baker Street," with his preternatural
audacity, appeared to him a being
ominous and awful—not so much to
be regarded with resentment, as with
superstitious terror: he felt as felt
the dignified Montezuma, when that
ruffianly Cortez, with his handful of
Spanish rapscallions, bearded him in
his own capital, and in the midst of
his Mexican splendour.—"The gods
were menaced if man could be so
insolent!" wherefore said my Lord,
tremulously,—"The Constitution is
gone if the Man from Baker Street
comes in for Lansmere!"
But, in the absence of Audley
Egerton, the election looked extremely
ugly, and Captain Dashmore
gained ground hourly, when the Lansmere
Solicitor happily bethought him
of a notable proxy for the missing
candidate. The Squire of Hazeldean,
with his young wife, had been invited
by the Earl in honour of Audley; and
in the Squire the Solicitor beheld the
only mortal who could cope with the
sea-captain,—a man with a voice as
burly, and a face as bold—a man
who, if permitted for the nonce by
Mrs Hazeldean, would kiss all the
women no less heartily than the Captain
kissed them; and who was,
moreover, a taller, and a handsomer,
and a younger man—all three, great
recommendations in the kissing department
of a contested election.
Yes, to canvass the borough, and to
speak from the window, Squire Hazeldean
would be even more popularly
presentable than the London-bred
and accomplished Audley Egerton
himself.
The Squire, applied to and urged on
all sides, at first said bluntly, "that
he would do anything in reason to
serve his brother, but that he did not
like, for his own part, appearing, even
in proxy, as a Lord's nominee; and
moreover, if he was to be sponsor for
his brother, why, he must promise
and vow, in his name, to be staunch
and true to the land they lived by;
and how could he tell that Audley,
when once he got into the House,
would not forget the land, and then
he, William Hazeldean, would be
made a liar, and look like a turncoat!"
But these scruples being overruled
by the arguments of the gentlemen
and the entreaties of the ladies, who
took in the election that intense interest
which those gentle creatures
usually do take in all matters of strife
and contest, the Squire at length consented
to confront the Man from Baker
Street, and went accordingly into the
thing with that good heart and old
English spirit with which he went into
everything whereon he had once made
up his mind.
The expectations formed of the
Squire's capacities for popular electioneering
were fully realised. He
talked quite as much nonsense as
Captain Dashmore on every subject
except the landed interest;—there he
was great, for he knew the subject
well—knew it by the instinct that
comes with practice, and compared
to which all your showy theories are
mere cobwebs and moonshine.
The agricultural outvoters—many
of whom, not living under Lord
Lansmere, but being small yeomen,
had hitherto prided themselves on
their independence, and gone against
my Lord—could not in their hearts
go against one who was every inch
the farmer's friend. They began to
share in the Earl's personal interest
against the Man from Baker Street;
and big fellows, with legs bigger
round than Captain Dashmore's tight
little body, and huge whips in their
hands, were soon seen entering the
shops, "intimidating the electors,"
as Captain Dashmore indignantly
declared.
These new recruits made a great
difference in the muster-roll of the
Lansmere books; and when the day
for polling arrived, the result was a
fair question for even betting. At
the last hour, after a neck-and-neck
contest, Mr Audley Egerton beat the
Captain by two votes. And the
names of these voters were John
Avenel, resident freeman, and his
son-in-law, Mark Fairfield, an outvoter,
who, though a Lansmere freeman,
had settled in Hazeldean, where
he had obtained the situation of head
carpenter on the Squire's estate.
These votes were unexpected; for,
though Mark Fairfield had come to
Lansmere on purpose to support the
Squire's brother, and though the
Avenels had been always staunch
supporters of the Lansmere Blue
interest, yet a severe affliction (as to
the nature of which, not desiring to
sadden the opening of my story, I am
considerately silent) had befallen both
these persons, and they had left the
town on the very day after Lord
L'Estrange and Mr Egerton had quitted
Lansmere Park.
Whatever might have been the
gratification of the Squire, as a canvasser
and a brother, at Mr Egerton's
triumph, it was much damped when,
on leaving the dinner given in honour
of the victory at the Lansmere Arms,
and about, with no steady step, to
enter the carriage which was to convey
him to his Lordship's house, a
letter was put into his hands by one
of the gentlemen who had accompanied
the Captain to the scene of
action; and the perusal of that letter,
and a few whispered words from the
bearer thereof, sent the Squire back
to Mrs Hazeldean a much soberer
man than she had ventured to hope
for. The fact was, that on the day
of nomination, the Captain having
honoured Mr Hazeldean with many
poetical and figurative appellations—such
as "Prize Ox," "Tony Lumpkin,"
"Blood-sucking Vampire," and
"Brotherly Warming-Pan," the
Squire had retorted by a joke about
"Salt Water Jack;" and the Captain,
who, like all satirists, was extremely
susceptible and thin-skinned,
could not consent to be called "Salt
Water Jack" by a "Prize Ox" and
a "Blood-sucking Vampire." The
letter, therefore, now conveyed to
Mr Hazeldean by a gentleman, who,
being from the Sister Country, was
deemed the most fitting accomplice
in the honourable destruction of a
brother mortal, contained nothing
more nor less than an invitation to
single combat; and the bearer thereof,
with the suave politeness enjoined
by etiquette on such well-bred homicidal
occasions, suggested the expediency
of appointing the place of
meeting in the neighbourhood of
London, in order to prevent interference
from the suspicious authorities
of Lansmere.
The natives of some countries—the
French in particular—think
little of that formal operation which
goes by the name of Duelling. Indeed,
they seem rather to like it than
otherwise. But there is nothing
your thorough-paced Englishman—a
Hazeldean of Hazeldean—considers
with more repugnance and aversion,
than that same cold-blooded ceremonial.
It is not within the range of
an Englishman's ordinary habits of
thinking. He prefers going to law—a
much more destructive proceeding
of the two. Nevertheless, if an
Englishman must fight, why, he will
fight. He says "it is very foolish;"
he is sure "it is most unchristianlike;"
he agrees with all that
Philosopher, Preacher, and Press have
laid down on the subject; but he
makes his will, says his prayers, and
goes out, like a heathen!
It never, therefore, occurred to the
Squire to show the white feather
upon this unpleasant occasion. The
next day, feigning excuse to attend
the sale of a hunting stud at Tattersall's,
he ruefully went up to London,
after taking a peculiarly affectionate
leave of his wife. Indeed, the Squire
felt convinced that he should never
return home except in a coffin. "It
stands to reason," said he to himself,
"that a man who has been actually
paid by the King's Government for
shooting people ever since he was a
little boy in a midshipman's jacket,
must be a dead hand at the job. I
should not mind if it was with double-barrelled
Mantons and small shot;
but, ball and pistol! they arn't human
nor sportsmanlike!" However, the
Squire, after settling his worldly
affairs, and hunting up an old College
friend who undertook to be his
second, proceeded to a sequestered
corner of Wimbledon Common, and
planted himself, not sideways, as one
ought to do in such encounters, (the
which posture the Squire swore was
an unmanly way of shirking,) but
full front to the mouth of his adversary's
pistol, with such sturdy composure,
that Captain Dashmore, who,
though an excellent shot, was at
bottom as good-natured a fellow as
ever lived, testified his admiration by
letting off his gallant opponent with
ball in the fleshy part of the shoulder;
after which he declared himself perfectly
satisfied. The parties then
shook hands, mutual apologies were
exchanged, and the Squire, much to
his astonishment to find himself still
alive, was conveyed to Limmer's
Hotel, where, after a considerable
amount of anguish, the ball was
extracted, and the wound healed.
Now it was all over, the Squire felt
very much raised in his own conceit;
and, when he was in a humour more
than ordinarily fierce, that perilous
event became a favourite allusion with
him.
He considered, moreover, that his
brother had incurred at his hand the
most lasting obligations; and that,
having procured Audley's return to
Parliament, and defended his interests
at the risk of his own life, he had an
absolute right to dictate to that
gentleman how to vote—upon all
matters at least connected with the
landed interest. And when, not very
long after Audley took his seat in
Parliament, (which he did not do for
some months,) he thought proper both
to vote and to speak in a manner wholly
belying the promises the Squire had
made on his behalf, Mr Hazeldean
wrote him such a trimmer, that it
could not but produce an unconciliatory
reply. Shortly afterwards, the
Squire's exasperation reached the
culminating point; for, having to
pass through Lansmere on a market
day, he was hooted by the very
farmers whom he had induced to
vote for his brother; and, justly imputing
the disgrace to Audley, he
never heard the name of that traitor
to the land mentioned without a
heightened colour and an indignant
expletive. Monsieur de Roqueville—who
was the greatest wit of his day—had,
like the Squire, a half-brother,
with whom he was not on the best of
terms, and of whom he always spoke
as his "frère de loin." Audley
Egerton was thus Squire Hazeldean's
"distant-brother!"—Enough of these
explanatory antecedents,—let us return
to the Stocks.
The Squire's carpenters were taken
from the park pales, and set to work
at the parish stocks. Then came the
painter and coloured them a beautiful
dark blue, with a white border—and
a white rim round the holes—with an
ornamental flourish in the middle.
It was the gayest public edifice in the
whole village—though the village
possessed no less than three other
monuments of the Vitruvian genius
of the Hazeldeans:—to wit, the alms-house,
the school, and the parish
pump.
A more elegant, enticing, coquettish
pair of stocks never gladdened
the eye of a justice of the peace.
And Squire Hazeldean's eye was
gladdened. In the pride of his heart
he brought all the family down to
look at the stocks. The Squire's
family (omitting the frère de loin)
consisted of Mrs Hazeldean, his wife;
next, of Miss Jemima Hazeldean, his
first cousin; thirdly, of Master Francis
Hazeldean, his only son; and fourthly,
of Captain Barnabas Higginbotham,
a distant relation—who, indeed,
strictly speaking, was not of the
family, but only a visitor ten months
in the year. Mrs Hazeldean was
every inch the lady,—the lady of the
parish. In her comely, florid, and
somewhat sunburnt countenance,
there was an equal expression of majesty
and benevolence; she had a blue
eye that invited liking, and an aquiline
nose that commanded respect. Mrs
Hazeldean had no affectation of fine
airs—no wish to be greater and handsomer
and cleverer than she was. She
knew herself, and her station, and
thanked heaven for it. There was
about her speech and manner something
of that shortness and bluntness
which often characterises royalty;
and if the lady of a parish is not a
queen in her own circle, it is never
the fault of the parish. Mrs Hazeldean
dressed her part to perfection.
She wore silks that seemed heirlooms—so
thick were they, so substantial
and imposing. And over these, when
she was in her own domain, the
whitest of aprons; while at her waist
was seen no fiddle-faddle chatelaine,
with breloques and trumpery, but a
good honest gold watch to mark the
time, and a long pair of scissors to
cut off the dead leaves from her
flowers, for she was a great horticulturist.
When occasion needed, Mrs
Hazeldean could, however, lay by
her more sumptuous and imperial
raiment for a stout riding-habit of
blue Saxony, and canter by her husband's
side to see the hounds throw
off. Nay, on the days on which Mr
Hazeldean drove his famous fast-trotting
cob to the market town, it
was rarely that you did not see his
wife on the left side of the gig. She
cared as little as her lord did for wind
and weather, and, in the midst of
some pelting shower, her pleasant
face peeped over the collar and capes
of a stout dreadnought, expanding
into smiles and bloom as some frank
rose, that opens from its petals, and
rejoices in the dews. It was easy
to see that the worthy couple had
married for love; they were as
little apart as they could help it.
And still, on the First of September,
if the house was not full of
company which demanded her cares,
Mrs Hazeldean "stepped out" over
the stubbles by her husband's side,
with as light a tread and as blithe an
eye as when in the first bridal year
she had enchanted the Squire by her
genial sympathy with his sports.
So there now stands Harriet Hazeldean,
one hand leaning on the Squire's
broad shoulder, the other thrust into
her apron, and trying her best to
share her husband's enthusiasm for
his own public-spirited patriotism, in
the renovation of the parish stocks.
A little behind, with two fingers
leaning on the thin arm of Captain
Barnabas, stood Miss Jemima, the
orphan daughter of the Squire's
uncle, by a runaway imprudent marriage
with a young lady who belonged
to a family which had been at war
with the Hazeldeans since the reign
of Charles I., respecting a right of
way to a small wood (or rather spring)
of about an acre, through a piece of
furze land, which was let to a brickmaker
at twelve shillings a-year. The
wood belonged to the Hazeldeans, the
furze land to the Sticktorights, (an
old Saxon family if ever there was
one.) Every twelfth year, when the
faggots and timber were felled, this
feud broke out afresh; for the Sticktorights
refused to the Hazeldeans the
right to cart off the said faggots and
timber, through the only way by
which a cart could possibly pass. It
is just to the Hazeldeans to say that
they had offered to buy the land at
ten times its value. But the Sticktorights,
with equal magnanimity, had
declared that they would not "alienate
the family property for the convenience
of the best squire that ever stood
upon shoe leather." Therefore, every
twelfth year, there was always a great
breach of the peace on the part of
both Hazeldeans and Sticktorights,
magistrates and deputy-lieutenants
though they were. The question was
fairly fought out by their respective
dependants, and followed by various
actions for assault and trespass. As
the legal question of right was extremely
obscure, it never had been
properly decided; and, indeed, neither
party wished it to be decided, each at
heart having some doubt of the propriety
of its own claim. A marriage
between a younger son of the Hazeldeans,
and a younger daughter of the
Sticktorights, was viewed with equal
indignation by both families; and the
consequence had been that the runaway
couple, unblessed and unforgiven,
had scrambled through life as
they could, upon the scanty pay of
the husband, who was in a marching
regiment, and the interest of £1000,
which was the wife's fortune independent
of her parents. They died and
left an only daughter, upon whom
the maternal £1000 had been settled,
about the time that the Squire came
of age and into possession of his
estates. And though he inherited all
the ancestral hostility towards the
Sticktorights, it was not in his nature
to be unkind to a poor orphan, who
was, after all, the child of a Hazeldean.
Therefore, he had educated
and fostered Jemima with as much
tenderness as if she had been his
sister; put out her £1000 at nurse,
and devoted, from the ready money
which had accrued from the rents
during his minority, as much as made
her fortune (with her own accumulated
at compound interest) no less
than £4000, the ordinary marriage
portion of the daughters of Hazeldean.
On her coming of age, he transferred
this sum to her absolute disposal, in
order that she might feel herself independent,
see a little more of the
world than she could at Hazeldean,
have candidates to choose from if she
deigned to marry; or enough to live
upon if she chose to remain single.
Miss Jemima had somewhat availed
herself of this liberty, by occasional
visits to Cheltenham and other watering
places. But her grateful affection
to the Squire was such, that she could
never bear to be long away from the
Hall. And this was the more praise
to her heart, inasmuch as she was
far from taking kindly to the prospect
of being an old maid. And
there were so few bachelors in the
neighbourhood of Hazeldean, that
she could not but have that prospect
before her eyes whenever she looked
out of the Hall windows. Miss
Jemima was indeed one of the most
kindly and affectionate of beings
feminine—and if she disliked the
thought of single blessedness, it really
was from those innocent and womanly
instincts towards the tender charities
of hearth and home, without which a
lady, however otherwise estimable, is
little better than a Minerva in bronze.
But whether or not, despite her fortune
and her face, which last, though
not strictly handsome, was pleasing—and
would have been positively pretty
if she had laughed more often, (for
when she laughed, there appeared
three charming dimples, invisible
when she was grave)—whether or not,
I say, it was the fault of our insensibility
or her own fastidiousness, Miss
Jemima approached her thirtieth
year, and was still Miss Jemima.
Now, therefore, that beautifying laugh
of hers was very rarely heard, and
she had of late become confirmed in
two opinions, not at all conducive to
laughter. One was a conviction of
the general and progressive wickedness
of the male sex, and the other
was a decided and lugubrious belief
that the world was coming to an end.
Miss Jemima was now accompanied
by a small canine favourite, true
Blenheim, with a snub nose. It
was advanced in life and somewhat
obese. It sate on its haunches,
with its tongue out of its month,
except when it snapped at the flies.
There was a strong Platonic friendship
between Miss Jemima and Captain
Barnabas Higginbotham; for he
too was unmarried, and he had the
same ill opinion of your sex, my dear
madam, that Miss Jemima had of
ours. The Captain was a man of a
slim and elegant figure;—the less said
about the face the better, a truth of
which the Captain himself was sensible,
for it was a favourite maxim of
his—"that in a man, everything is
a slight, gentlemanlike figure." Captain
Barnabas did not absolutely
deny that the world was coming to an
end, only he thought it would last his
time.
Quite apart from all the rest, with
the nonchalant survey of virgin dandyism,
Francis Hazeldean looked
over one of the high starched neckcloths
which were then the fashion—a
handsome lad, fresh from Eton for
the summer holidays, but at that ambiguous
age, when one disdains the
sports of the boy, and has not yet
arrived at the resources of the man.
"I should be glad, Frank," said
the Squire, suddenly turning round
to his son; "to see you take a little
more interest in duties which, one
day or other, you may be called upon
to discharge. I can't bear to think
that the property should fall into the
hands of a fine gentleman, who will
let things go to rack and ruin, instead
of keeping them up as I do."
And the Squire pointed to the
stocks.
Master Frank's eye followed the
direction of the cane, as well as his
cravat would permit; and he said,
drily—
"Yes, sir; but how came the
stocks to be so long out of repair?"
"Because one can't see to everything
at once," retorted the Squire,
tartly. "When a man has got
eight thousand acres to look after, he
must do a bit at a time."
"Yes," said Captain Barnabas.
"I know that by experience."
"The deuce you do!" cried the
Squire, bluntly. "Experience in
eight thousand acres!"
"No—in my apartments in the
Albany. No. 3 A. I have had them
ten years, and it was only last Christmas
that I bought my Japan cat."
"Dear me," said Miss Jemima;
"a Japan cat! that must be very
curious! What sort of a creature is
it?"
"Don't you know? Bless me, a
thing with three legs, and holds
toast! I never thought of it, I assure
you, till my friend Cosey said to me,
one morning when he was breakfasting
at my rooms—'Higginbotham,
how is it that you, who like to
have things comfortable about you,
don't have a cat?' 'Upon my life,'
said I, 'one can't think of everything
at a time;' just like you, Squire."
"Pshaw," said Mr Hazeldean,
gruffly—"not at all like me. And
I'll thank you another time, Cousin
Higginbotham, not to put me out,
when I'm speaking on matters of
importance; poking your cat into my
stocks! They look something like
now—don't they, Harry? I declare
that the whole village seems more
respectable. It is astonishing how
much a little improvement adds to
the—to the—"
"Charm of a landscape;" put in
Miss Jemima sentimentally.
The Squire neither accepted nor
rejected the suggested termination;
but leaving his sentence uncompleted,
broke suddenly off with
"And if I had listened to Parson
Dale—"
"You would have done a very
wise thing;" said a voice behind, as
the Parson presented himself in the
rear.
"Wise thing! Why surely, Mr
Dale," said Mrs Hazeldean with
spirit, for she always resented the
least contradiction to her lord and
master; perhaps as an interference
with her own special right and prerogative!
"why, surely if it is necessary
to have stocks, it is necessary to
repair them."
"That's right, go it, Harry!" cried
the Squire, chuckling, and rubbing
his hands as if he had been setting
his terrier at the Parson: "St—St—at
him! Well, Master Dale, what
do you say to that?"
"My dear ma'am," said the Parson,
replying in preference to the
lady, "there are many institutions
in the country which are very old,
look very decayed, and don't seem of
much use; but I would not pull them
down for all that."
"You would reform them, then;"
said Mrs Hazeldean, doubtfully, and
with a look at her husband, as much
as to say, "He is on politics now—that's
your business."
"No, I would not, ma'am;" said
the Parson stoutly.
"What on earth would you do,
then?" quoth the Squire.
"Just let 'em alone," said the
Parson. "Master Frank, there's a
Latin maxim which was often in the
mouth of Sir Robert Walpole, and
which they ought to put into the Eton
grammar—'Quieta non movere.' If
things are quiet, let them be quiet! I
would not destroy the stocks, because
that might seem to the ill-disposed
like a license to offend, and
I would not repair the stocks, because
that puts it into people's heads to
get into them."
The Squire was a staunch politician
of the old school, and he did not like
to think that in repairing the stocks
he had perhaps been conniving at
revolutionary principles.
"This constant desire of innovation,"
said Miss Jemima, suddenly
mounting the more funereal of her
two favourite hobbies, "is one of the
great symptoms of the approaching
crash. We are altering, and mending,
and reforming, when in twenty
years at the utmost the world itself
may be destroyed!" The fair
speaker paused, and—
Captain Barnabas said, thoughtfully—"Twenty
years!—the insurance
offices rarely compute the best life at
more than fourteen." He struck his
hand on the stocks as he spoke, and
added with his usual consolatory
conclusion:—"The odds are, that it
will last our time, Squire."
But whether Captain Barnabas
meant the stocks or the world, he
did not clearly explain, and no one
took the trouble to inquire.
"Sir," said Master Frank, to his
father, with that furtive spirit of
quizzing, which he had acquired
amongst other polite accomplishments
at Eton.—"Sir, it is no use now
considering whether the stocks
should or should not have been repaired.
The only question is, whom
you will get to put into them."
"True," said the Squire, with much
gravity.
"Yes, there it is!" said the Parson,
mournfully. "If you would but
learn 'non quieta movere!'"
"Don't spout your Latin at me,
Parson!" cried the Squire, angrily;
"I can give you as good as you
bring any day.
"'Propria quæ maribus tri buuntur mascula dicas.—
As in præsenti, perfectum format in avi.'"
"There," added the Squire, turning
triumphantly towards his Harry,
who looked with great admiration at
this unprecedented burst of learning
on the part of Mr Hazeldean—"There,
two can play at that game!
And now that we have all seen the
stocks, we may as well go home, and
drink tea. Will you come up and play
a rubber, Dale? No!—hang it, man,
I've not offended you—you know my
ways."
"That I do, and they are among
the things I would not have altered,"
cried the Parson—holding out his
hand cheerfully. The Squire gave it a
hearty shake, and Mrs Hazeldean
hastened to do the same. "Do come;
I am afraid we've been very rude; we
are sad blunt folks. Do come; that's
a dear good man; and of course poor
Mrs Dale too." Mrs Hazeldean's
favourite epithet for Mrs Dale was
poor, and that for reasons to be explained
hereafter.
"I fear my wife has got one of her
bad headaches, but I will give her
your kind message, and at all events
you may depend upon me."
"That's right," cried the Squire,
"in half-an-hour, eh?—How d'ye do,
my little man?" as Lenny Fairfield, on
his way home from some errand in
the village, drew aside and pulled off
his hat with both hands. "Stop—you
see those stocks—eh? Tell all
the bad little boys in the parish to
take care how they get into them—a
sad disgrace—you'll never be in such
a quandary!"
"That at least I will answer for,"
said the Parson.
"And I too," added Mrs Hazeldean,
patting the boy's curly head.
"Tell your mother I shall come and
have a good chat with her to-morrow
evening."
And so the party passed on, and
Lenny stood still on the road, staring
hard at the stocks, which stared back
at him from its four great eyes.
But Lenny did not remain long
alone. As soon as the great folks had
fairly disappeared, a large number of
small folks emerged timorously from
the neighbouring cottages, and approached
the site of the stocks with
much marvel, fear, and curiosity.
In fact, the renovated appearance
of this monster—à propos de bottes, as
one may say—had already excited
considerable sensation among the population
of Hazeldean. And even as
when an unexpected owl makes his
appearance in broad daylight, all the
little birds rise from tree and hedgerow,
and cluster round their ominous
enemy, so now gathered all the much
excited villagers round the intrusive
and portentous Phenomenon.
"D'ye know what the diggins the
Squire did it for, Gaffer Solomons?"
asked one many-childed matron, with
a baby in arms, an urchin of three
years old clinging fast to her petticoat,
and her hand maternally holding
back a more adventurous hero of six,
who had a great desire to thrust his
head into one of the grisly apertures.
All eyes turned to a sage old man,
the oracle of the village, who, leaning
both hands on his crutch, shook his
head bodingly.
"Maw be," said Gaffer Solomons,
"some of the boys ha' been robbing
the orchards."
"Orchards"—cried a big lad who
seemed to think himself personally
appealed to—" why, the bud's scarce
off the trees yet!"
"No more it in't!" said the dame
with many children, and she breathed
more freely.
"Maw be," said Gaffer Solomons,
"some o' ye has been sitting snares."
"What for?" said a stout sullen-looking
young fellow, whom conscience
possibly pricked to reply.
"What for, when it beant the season?
And if a poor man did find a
hear in his pocket i' the hay-time, I
should like to know if ever a squire in
the world would let un off wi' the
stocks—eh?"
That last question seemed a settler,
and the wisdom of Gaffer Solomons
went down fifty per cent in the public
opinion of Hazeldean.
"Maw be," said the Gaffer, this time
with a thrilling effect, which restored
his reputation—"Maw be some o'
ye ha' been getting drunk, and making
beestises o' yourselves!"
There was a dead pause, for this
suggestion applied too generally to
be met with a solitary response. At
last one of the women said, with a
meaning glance at her husband, "God
bless the Squire; he'll make some on
us happy women if that's all!"
There then arose an almost unanimous
murmur of approbation among
the female part of the audience; and
the men looked at each other, and
then at the Phenomenon, with a
very hang-dog expression of countenance.
"Or, maw be," resumed Gaffer
Solomons, encouraged to a fourth suggestion
by the success of its predecessor—"Maw
be some o' the Misseses ha'
been making a rumpus, and scolding
their goodmen. I heard say in my
granfeythir's time, that arter old
Mother Bang nigh died o' the ducking-stool,
them 'ere stocks were first
made for the women, out o' compassion
like! And every one knows the
Squire is a koind-hearted man, God
bless un!"
"God bless un!" cried the men
heartily; and they gathered lovingly
round the Phenomenon, like heathens
of old round a tutelary temple. But
then rose one shrill clamour among
the females, as they retreated with
involuntary steps towards the verge
of the green, whence they glared at
Solomons and the Phenomenon with
eyes so sparkling, and pointed at both
with gestures so menacing, that
Heaven only knows if a morsel of
either would have remained much
longer to offend the eyes of the justly
enraged matronage of Hazeldean, if
fortunately Master Stirn, the Squire's
right-hand man, had not come up in
the nick of time.
Master Stirn was a formidable personage—more
formidable than the
Squire himself—as, indeed, a squire's
right-hand is generally more formidable
than the head can pretend to be.
He inspired the greater awe, because,
like the stocks, of which he was deputed
guardian, his powers were undefined
and obscure, and he had no
particular place in the out-of-door
establishment. He was not the steward,
yet he did much of what ought
to be the steward's work; he was not
the farm-bailiff, for the Squire called
himself his own farm-bailiff, nevertheless,
Mr Hazeldean sowed and
ploughed, cropped and stocked, bought
and sold, very much as Mr Stirn condescended
to advise. He was not the
park-keeper, for he neither shot the
deer nor superintended the preserves;
but it was he who always found out
who had broken a park-pale or snared
a rabbit. In short, what may be
called all the harsher duties of a large
landed proprietor devolved by custom
and choice upon Mr Stirn. If a
labourer was to be discharged, or a
rent enforced, and the Squire knew
that he should be talked over, and
that the steward would be as soft as
himself, Mr Stirn was sure to be the
avenging αγγελος or messenger, to
pronounce the words of fate; so that
he appeared to the inhabitants of
Hazeldean like the Poet's Sæva Necessitas,
a vague incarnation of remorseless
power, armed with whips,
nails, and wedges. The very brute
creation stood in awe of Mr Stirn.
The calves knew that it was he who
singled out which should be sold to
the butcher, and huddled up into a
corner with beating hearts at his grim
footstep; the sow grunted, the duck
quacked, the hen bristled her feathers
and called to her chicks when Mr
Stirn drew near. Nature had set her
stamp upon him. Indeed, it may be
questioned whether the great M. de
Chambray himself, surnamed the
Brave, had an aspect so awe-inspiring
as that of Mr Stirn; albeit the face
of that hero was so terrible, that a
man who had been his lackey, seeing
his portrait after he had been dead
twenty years, fell a trembling all over
like a leaf!
"And what the plague are you all
doing here?" said Mr Stirn, as he
waved and smacked a great cart-whip
which he held in his hand, "making
such a hullabaloo, you women, you!
that I suspect the Squire will be sending
out to know if the village is on
fire. Go home, will ye? High time
indeed to have the stocks ready, when
you get squalling and conspiring under
the very nose of a justice of the peace,
just as the French Revolutioners did
afore they cut off their King's head;
my hair stands on end to look at ye."
But already, before half this address
was delivered, the crowd had dispersed
in all directions—the women still keeping
together, and the men sneaking off
towards the ale-house. Such was the
beneficent effect of the fatal stocks on
the first day of their resuscitation!
However, in the break up of every
crowd there must be always some
one who gets off the last; and it
so happened that our friend Lenny
Fairfield, who had mechanically approached
close to the stocks, the better
to hear the oracular opinions of
Gaffer Solomons, had no less mechanically,
on the abrupt appearance of
Mr Stirn, crept, as he hoped, out of
sight, behind the trunk of the elm
tree which partially shaded the stocks;
and there now, as if fascinated, he
still cowered, not daring to emerge in
full view of Mr Stirn, and in immediate
reach of the cart-whip,—when the
quick eye of the right-hand man detected
his retreat.
"Hallo, you sir—what the deuce,
laying a mine to blow up the stocks!
just like Guy Fox and the Gunpowder
Plot, I declares! What ha' you
got in your willanous little fist there?"
"Nothing, sir," said Lenny, opening
his palm.
"Nothing—um!" said Mr Stirn
much dissatisfied; and then, as he
gazed more deliberately, recognising
the pattern boy of the village, a cloud
yet darker gathered over his brow;
for Mr Stirn, who valued himself much
on his learning—and who, indeed,
by dint of more knowledge as well as
more wit than his neighbours, had
attained his present eminent station
in life—was extremely anxious that
his only son should also be a scholar;
that wish,
"The gods dispersed in empty air."
Master Stirn was a notable dunce at
the Parson's school, while Lenny
Fairfield was the pride and boast of
it; therefore Mr Stirn was naturally,
and almost justifiably ill-disposed towards
Lenny Fairfield, who had appropriated
to himself the praises which
Mr Stirn had designed for his son.
"Um!" said the right-hand man,
glowering on Lenny malignantly, "you
are the pattern boy of the village, are
you? Very well, sir—then I put these
here stocks under your care—and
you'll keep off the other boys from
sitting on 'em, and picking off the
paint, and playing three holes and
chuck farthing, as I declare they've
been a-doing, just in front of the elewation.
Now you knows your 'sponsibilities,
little boy—and a great honour
they are too, for the like o' you. If
any damage be done, it is to you I
shall look; d'ye understand? and
that's what the Squire says to me.
So you sees what it is to be a pattern
boy, Master Lenny!"
With that Mr Stirn gave a loud
crack of the cart-whip, by way of military
honours, over the head of the
vicegerent he had thus created, and
strode off to pay a visit to two young
unsuspecting pups, whose ears and
tails he had graciously promised their
proprietor to crop that evening. Nor,
albeit few charges could be more obnoxious
than that of deputy governor
or chargé-d'affaires extraordinaire to
the Parish Stocks, nor one more
likely to render Lenny Fairfield odious
to his contemporaries, ought he to
have been insensible to the signal
advantage of his condition over that
of the two sufferers, against whose
ears and tails Mr Stirn had no especial
motives of resentment. To every bad
there is a worse—and fortunately for
little boys, and even for grown men,
whom the Stirns of the world regard
malignly, the majesty of law protects
their ears, and the merciful forethought
of nature deprived their remote
ancestors of the privilege of entailing
tails upon them. Had it been
otherwise—considering what handles
tails would have given to the oppressor,
how many traps envy would have
laid for them, how often they must
have been scratched and mutilated by
the briars of life, how many good
excuses would have been found for
lopping, docking, and trimming them—I
fear that only the lap-dogs of fortune
would have gone to the grave
tail-whole.
The card-table was set out in the
drawing-room at Hazeldean Hall;
though the little party were still lingering
in the deep recess of the large
bay window—which (in itself of
dimensions that would have swallowed
up a moderate-sized London parlour)
held the great round tea-table,
with all appliances and means to boot—for
the beautiful summer moon shed
on the sward so silvery a lustre, and
the trees cast so quiet a shadow, and
the flowers and new-mown hay sent
up so grateful a perfume, that, to close
the windows, draw the curtains, and
call for other lights than those of
heaven, would have been an abuse of
the prose of life which even Captain
Barnabas, who regarded whist as the
business of town and the holiday of
the country, shrank from suggesting.
Without, the scene, beheld by the
clear moonlight, had the beauty
peculiar to the garden ground round
those old-fashioned country residences
which, though a little modernised,
still preserve their original character:
the velvet lawn, studded with large
plots of flowers, shaded and scented
here to the left by lilacs, laburnums,
and rich seringas—there, to the right,
giving glimpses, over low-clipped
yews, of a green bowling alley, with
the white columns of a summerhouse
built after the Dutch taste, in the
reign of William III.; and in front—stealing
away under covert of those
still cedars, into the wilder landscape
of the well-wooded undulating park.
Within, viewed by the placid glimmer
of the moon, the scene was no less characteristic
of the abodes of that race
which has no parallel in other lands,
and which, alas, is somewhat losing
its native idiosyncrasies in this—the
stout country gentleman, not the fine
gentleman of the country—the country
gentleman somewhat softened and
civilised from the mere sportsman or
farmer, but still plain and homely,
relinquishing the old hall for the
drawing-room, and with books not
three months' old on his table, instead
of Fox's Martyrs and Baker's Chronicle—yet
still retaining many a sacred
old prejudice, that, like the knots in
his native oak, rather adds to the
ornament of the grain than takes
from the strength of the tree. Opposite
to the window, the high chimney-piece
rose to the heavy cornice of the
ceiling, with dark panels glistening
against the moonlight. The broad
and rather clumsy chintz sofas and
settees of the reign, of George III.,
contrasted at intervals with the tall
backed chairs of a far more distant
generation, when ladies in fardingales,
and gentlemen in trunk-hose,
seem never to have indulged in horizontal
positions. The walls, of shining
wainscot, were thickly covered,
chiefly with family pictures; though
now and then some Dutch fair, or
battle-piece, showed that a former
proprietor had been less exclusive in
his taste for the arts. The pianoforte
stood open near the fireplace; a long
dwarf bookcase, at the far end, added
its sober smile to the room. That
bookcase contained what was called
"The Lady's Library," a collection
commenced by the Squire's grandmother,
of pious memory, and completed
by his mother, who had more
taste for the lighter letters, with but
little addition from the bibliomaniac
tendencies of the present Mrs Hazeldean—who,
being no great reader,
contented herself with subscribing to
the Book Club. In this feminine
Bodleian, the sermons collected by
Mrs Hazeldean, the grandmother,
stood cheek-by-jowl beside the novels
purchased by Mrs Hazeldean, the
mother.
'Mixtaque ridenti fundet colocasia acantho!'
But to be sure, the novels, in spite of
very inflammatory titles, such as
"Fatal Sensibility," "Errors of the
Heart," &c., were so harmless that I
doubt if the sermons could have had
much to say against their next-door
neighbours—and that is all that can
be expected by the best of us.
A parrot dozing on his perch—some
gold fish fast asleep in their glass
bowl—two or three dogs on the rug,
and Flimsey, Miss Jemima's spaniel,
curled into a ball on the softest sofa—Mrs
Hazeldean's work-table, rather
in disorder, as if it had been lately
used—the St James's Chronicle dangling
down from a little tripod near the
Squire's arm-chair—a high screen of
gilt and stamped leather fencing off
the card-table; all these, dispersed
about a room large enough to hold
them all and not seem crowded,
offered many a pleasant resting-place
for the eye, when it turned from the
world of nature to the home of man.
But see, Captain Barnabas, fortified
by his fourth cup of tea, has at length
summoned courage to whisper to Mrs
Hazeldean, "don't you think the
Parson will be impatient for his rubber?"
Mrs Hazeldean glanced at the
Parson, and smiled; but she gave the
signal to the Captain, and the bell was
rung, lights were brought in, the curtains
let down; in a few moments more
the group had collected round the
card-tables. The best of us are but
human—that is not a new truth, I
confess, but yet people forget it every
day of their lives—and I dare say there
are many who are charitably thinking
at this very moment, that my Parson
ought not to be playing at whist. All
I can say to those rigid disciplinarians
is, "Every man has his favourite sin:
whist was Parson Dale's!—ladies and
gentlemen, what is yours?" In truth,
I must not set up my poor parson, now-a-days,
as a pattern parson—it is
enough to have one pattern in a village
no bigger than Hazeldean, and
we all know that Lenny Fairfield has
bespoken that place,—and got the
patronage of the stocks for his emoluments!
Parson Dale was ordained,
not indeed so very long ago, but still
at a time when churchmen took it a
great deal more easily than they do
now. The elderly parson of that day
played his rubber as a matter of
course, the middle-aged parson was
sometimes seen riding to cover, (I
knew a schoolmaster, a doctor of
divinity, and an excellent man, whose
pupils were chiefly taken from the
highest families in England, who
hunted regularly three times a-week
during the season,) and the young
parson would often sing a capital
song—not composed by David—and
join in those rotary dances, which
certainly David never danced before
the ark.
Does it need so long a prolegomenon
to excuse thee, poor Parson Dale, for
turning up that ace of spades with so
triumphant a smile at thy partner?
I must own that nothing that well
could add to the Parson's offence was
wanting. In the first place, he did
not play charitably, and merely to
oblige other people. He delighted in
the game—he rejoiced in the game—his
whole heart was in the game—neither
was he indifferent to the mammon
of the thing, as a Christian
pastor ought to have been. He looked
very sad when he took his shillings
out of his purse, and exceedingly
pleased when he put the shillings
that had just before belonged to other
people into it. Finally, by one of
those arrangements common with
married people, who play at the same
table, Mr and Mrs Hazeldean were
invariably partners, and no two people
could play worse; while Captain Barnabas,
who had played at Graham's
with honour and profit, necessarily
became partner to Parson Dale, who
himself played a good steady parsonic
game. So that, in strict truth, it was
hardly fair play—it was almost swindling—the
combination of these two
great dons against that innocent married
couple! Mr Dale, it is true, was
aware of this disproportion of force,
and had often proposed either to
change partners or to give odds, propositions
always scornfully scouted
by the Squire and his lady; so that
the Parson was obliged to pocket his
conscience, together with the ten
points which made his average winnings.
The strangest thing in the world is
the different way in which whist
affects the temper. It is no test of
temper, as some pretend—not at all!
The best tempered people in the world
grow snappish at whist; and I have
seen the most testy and peevish in the
ordinary affairs of life bear their losses
with the stoicism of Epictetus. This
was notably manifested in the contrast
between the present adversaries
of the Hall and the Rectory. The
Squire, who was esteemed as choleric
a gentleman as most in the county,
was the best-humoured fellow you
could imagine when you set him down
to whist opposite the sunny face of his
wife. You never heard one of these
incorrigible blunderers scold each
other; on the contrary, they only
laughed when they threw away the
game, with four by honours in their
hands. The utmost that was ever
said was a "Well, Harry, that was
the oddest trump of yours. Ho—ho—ho!"
or a "Bless me, Hazeldean—why,
they made three tricks, and you
had the ace in your hand all the time!
Ha—ha—ha!"
Upon which occasions Captain Barnabas,
with great good humour, always
echoed both the Squire's ho—ho—ho!
and Mrs Hazeldean's ha—ha—ha!
Not so the Parson. He had so
keen and sportsmanlike an interest in
the game, that even his adversaries'
mistakes ruffled him. And you would
hear him, with elevated voice and
agitated gestures, laying down the
law, quoting Hoyle, appealing to all
the powers of memory and common
sense against the very delinquencies
by which he was enriched—a waste of
eloquence that always heightened the
hilarity of Mr and Mrs Hazeldean.
While these four were thus engaged,
Mrs Dale, who had come with her
husband despite her headache, sate on
the sofa beside Miss Jemima, or rather
beside Miss Jemima's Flimsey, which
had already secured the centre of the
sofa, and snarled at the very idea of
being disturbed. And Master Frank—at
a table by himself—was employed
sometimes in looking at his
pumps, and sometimes at Gilray's
Caricatures, with which his mother
had provided him for his intellectual
requirements. Mrs Dale, in
her heart, liked Miss Jemima better
than Mrs Hazeldean, of whom she
was rather in awe, notwithstanding
they had been little girls together, and
occasionally still called each other
Harry and Carry. But those tender
diminutives belonged to the "Dear"
genus, and were rarely employed by
the ladies, except at those times when—had
they been little girls still, and
the governess out of the way—they
would have slapped and pinched each
other. Mrs Dale was still a very
pretty woman, as Mrs Hazeldean was
still a very fine woman. Mrs Dale
painted in water colours and sang, and
made card-racks and pen-holders, and
was called an "elegant accomplished
woman." Mrs Hazeldean cast up the
Squire's accounts, wrote the best part
of his letters, kept a large establishment
in excellent order, and was
called "a clever, sensible woman."
Mrs Dale had headaches and nerves,
Mrs Hazeldean had neither nerves nor
headaches. Mrs Dale said, "Harry
had no real harm in her, but was certainly
very masculine." Mrs Hazeldean
said, "Carry would be a good
creature, but for her airs and graces."
Mrs Dale said Mrs Hazeldean was
"just made to be a country squire's
lady." Mrs Hazeldean said, "Mrs
Dale was the last person in the world
who ought to have been a parson's
wife." Carry, when she spoke of
Harry to a third person, said, "Dear
Mrs Hazeldean." Harry, when she
referred incidentally to Carry, said,
"Poor Mrs Dale." And now the
reader knows why Mrs Hazeldean
called Mrs Dale "poor," at least as
well as I do. For, after all, the word
belonged to that class in the female
vocabulary which may be called "obscure
significants," resembling the
Konx Ompax, which hath so puzzled
the inquirers into the Eleusinian Mysteries;
the application is rather to be
illustrated than the meaning to be
exactly explained.
"That's really a sweet little dog of
yours, Jemima," said Mrs Dale, who
was embroidering the word Caroline
on the border of a cambric pocket-handkerchief,
but edging a little farther
off, as she added, "he'll not bite,
will he?" "Dear me, no!" said Miss
Jemima; but (she added, in a confidential
whisper,) "don't say he—'tis a
lady dog!" "Oh," said Mrs Dale, edging
off still farther, as if that confession
of the creature's sex did not serve to
allay her apprehensions—"oh, then,
you carry your aversion to the gentlemen
even to lap-dogs—that is being
consistent indeed, Jemima!"
Miss Jemima.—"I had a gentleman
dog once—a pug!—they are
getting very scarce now. I thought
he was so fond of me—he snapped at
every one else;—the battles I fought
for him! Well, will you believe,—I
had been staying with my friend Miss
Smilecox at Cheltenham. Knowing
that William is so hasty, and his boots
are so thick, I trembled to think what
a kick might do. So, on coming here,
I left Buff—that was his name—with
Miss Smilecox." (A pause.)
Mrs Dale, looking up languidly.—"Well,
my love."
Miss Jemima.—"Will you believe
it, I say, when I returned to Cheltenham,
only three months afterwards,
Miss Smilecox had seduced his affections
from me, and the ungrateful
creature did not even know me again.
A pug, too—yet people say pugs are
faithful!!! I am sure they ought to
be, nasty things. I have never had a
gentleman dog since—they are all
alike, believe me—heartless, selfish
creatures."
Mrs Dale.—"Pugs? I dare say
they are!"
Miss Jemima, with spirit.—"Men!—I
told you it was a gentleman
dog!"
Mrs Dale, apologetically.—"True,
my love, but the whole thing was so
mixed up!"
Miss Jemima.—"You saw that
cold-blooded case of Breach of Promise
of Marriage in the papers—an
old wretch, too, of sixty-four. No age
makes them a bit better. And when
one thinks that the end of all flesh is
approaching, and that—"
Mrs Dale, quickly, for she prefers
Miss Jemima's other hobby to that
black one upon which she is preparing
to precede the bier of the universe.—"Yes,
my love, we'll avoid that subject,
if you please. Mr Dale has his
own opinions, and it becomes me, you
know, as a parson's wife," (said smilingly;
Mrs Dale has as pretty a dimple
as any of Miss Jemima's, and makes
more of that one than Miss Jemima
of three,) "to agree with him—that
is, in theology."
Miss Jemima, earnestly.—"But
the thing is so clear, if you would but
look into—"
Mrs Dale, putting her hand on
Miss Jemima's lips playfully.—"Not
a word more. Pray, what do you
think of the Squire's tenant at the
Casino, Signor Riccabocca? An interesting
creature, is not he?"
Miss Jemima.—"Interesting! Not
to me. Interesting? Why is he interesting?"
Mrs Dale is silent, and turns her
handkerchief in her pretty little white
hands, appearing to contemplate the
R in Caroline.
Miss Jemima, half pettishly, half
coaxingly.—"Why is he interesting?
I scarcely ever looked at him; they say
he smokes, and never eats. Ugly,
too!"
Mrs Dale.—"Ugly—no. A fine
head—very like Dante's—but what is
beauty?"
Miss Jemima.—"Very true; what
is it indeed? Yes, as you say, I
think there is something interesting
about him; he looks melancholy, but
that may be because he is poor."
Mrs Dale.—"It is astonishing how
little one feels poverty when one loves.
Charles and I were very poor once—before
the Squire——." Mrs Dale
paused, looked towards the Squire,
and murmured a blessing, the warmth
of which brought tears into her eyes.
"Yes," she added, after a pause, "we
were very poor, but we were happy
even then, more thanks to Charles
than to me," and tears from a new
source again dimmed those quick lively
eyes, as the little woman gazed
fondly on her husband, whose brows
were knit into a black frown over a
bad hand.
Miss Jemima.—"It is only those
horrid men who think of money as a
source of happiness. I should be the
last person to esteem a gentleman
less because he was poor."
Mrs Dale.—"I wonder the Squire
does not ask Signor Riccabocca here
more often. Such an acquisition we
find him!"
The Squire's voice from the card
table.—"Whom ought I to ask more
often, Mrs Dale?"
Parson's voice impatiently.—"Come—come—come,
Squire: play to my
queen of diamonds—do!"
Squire.—"There, I trump it—pick
up the trick, Mrs H."
Parson.—"Stop! stop! trump my
diamond?"
The Captain, solemnly.—"Trick
turned—play on, Squire."
Squire.—"The king of diamonds."
Mrs Hazeldean.—"Lord! Hazeldean—why,
that's the most barefaced
revoke—ha—ha—ha! trump the
queen of diamonds and play out the
king! well I never—ha—ha—ha!"
Captain Barnabas, in tenor.—"Ha,
ha, ha!"
Squire.—"And so I have, bless
my soul—ho, ho, ho!"
Captain Barnabas, in bass.—"Ho—ho—ho."
Parson's voice raised, but drowned
by the laughter of his adversaries and
the firm clear tone of Captain Barnabas:—"Three
to our score!—game!"
Squire, wiping his eyes.—"No
help for it, Harry—deal for me! Whom
ought I to ask, Mrs Dale? (waxing
angry.) First time I ever heard the
hospitality of Hazeldean called in
question!"
Mrs Dale.—"My dear sir, I beg
a thousand pardons, but listeners—you
know the proverb."
Squire, growling like a bear.—"I
hear nothing but proverbs ever since
we have had that Mounseer among
us. Please to speak plainly, marm."
Mrs Dale, sliding into a little
temper at being thus roughly accosted.—"It
was of Mounseer, as you call
him, that I spoke, Mr Hazeldean."
Squire.—"What! Rickeybockey?"
Mrs Dale, attempting the pure
Italian accentuation.—"Signor Riccabocca."
Parson, slapping his cards on the
table in despair.—"Are we playing at
whist, or are we not?"
The Squire, who is fourth player,
drops the king to Captain Higginbotham's
lead of the ace of hearts. Now
the Captain has left queen, knave, and
two other hearts—four trumps to the
queen and nothing to win a trick with
in the two other suits. This hand is
therefore precisely one of those in
which, especially after the fall of that
king of hearts in the adversary's hand,
it becomes a matter of reasonable
doubt whether to lead trumps or not.
The Captain hesitates, and not liking
to play out his good hearts with the
certainty of their being trumped by
the Squire, nor, on the other hand,
liking to open the other suits in which
he has not a card that can assist his
partner, resolves, as becomes a military
man, in such dilemma, to make a
bold push and lead out trumps, in the
chance of finding his partner strong,
and so bringing in his long suit.
Squire, taking advantage of the
much meditating pause made by the
Captain—"Mrs Dale, it is not my
fault. I have asked Rickeybockey—time
out of mind. But I suppose I am
not fine enough for those foreign chaps—he
won't come—that's all I know!"
Parson, aghast at seeing the Captain
play out trumps, of which he, Mr
Dale, has only two, wherewith he expects
to ruff the suit of spades of which
he has only one, (the cards all falling
in suits) while he has not a single other
chance of a trick in his hand.—"Really,
Squire, we had better give up playing
if you put out my partner in this extraordinary
way—jabber—jabber—jabber!"
Squire.—"Well, we must be good
children, Harry. What!—trumps,
Barney? Thank ye for that!" And
the Squire might well be grateful, for
the unfortunate adversary has led up
to ace king knave—with two other
trumps. Squire takes the Parson's
ten with his knave, and plays out ace
king; then, having cleared all the
trumps except the Captain's queen
and his own remaining two, leads off
tierce major in that very suit of spades
of which the Parson has only one,—and
the Captain, indeed, but two—forces
out the Captain's queen, and
wins the game in a canter.
Parson, with a look at the Captain
which might have become the awful
brows of Jove, when about to thunder.—"That,
I suppose, is the newfashioned
London play! In my time
the rule was 'First save the game,
then try to win it.'"
Captain.—"Could not save it, sir."
Parson, exploding.—"Not save
it!—two ruffs in my own hand—two
tricks certain till you took them out!
Monstrous! The rashest trump"—Seizes
the cards—spreads them on the
table, lip quivering, hands trembling—tries
to show how five tricks could
have been gained—(N.B. it is short
whist, which Captain Barnabas had
introduced at the Hall) can't make
out more than four—Captain smiles
triumphantly—Parson in a passion,
and not at all convinced, mixes all
the cards together again, and falling
back in his chair, groans, with tears
in his voice.—"The cruellest trump!
the most wanton cruelty!"
The Hazeldeans in chorus.-"Ho—ho—ho!
Ha—ha—ha!"
The Captain, who does not laugh
this time, and whose turn it is to
deal, shuffles the cards for the conquering
game of the rubber with as
much caution and prolixity as Fabius
might have employed in posting his
men. The Squire gets up to stretch
his legs, and, the insinuation against
his hospitality recurring to his
thoughts, calls out to his wife—"Write
to Rickeybockey to-morrow
yourself, Harry, and ask him to come
and spend two or three days here.
There, Mrs Dale, you hear me?"
"Yes," said Mrs Dale, putting her
hands to her ears in implied rebuke
at the loudness of the Squire's tone.
"My dear sir, do remember that I'm
a sad nervous creature."
"Beg pardon," muttered Mr Hazeldean,
turning to his son, who, having
got tired of the caricatures, had fished
out for himself the great folio County
History, which was the only book in
the library that the Squire much
valued, and which he usually kept
under lock and key, in his study,
together with the field-books and
steward's accounts, but which he had
reluctantly taken into the drawing-room
that day, in order to oblige Captain
Higginbotham. For the Higginbothams—an
old Saxon family, as
the name evidently denotes—had
once possessed lands in that very
county. And the Captain—during his
visits to Hazeldean Hall—was regularly
in the habit of asking to look into
the County History, for the purpose
of refreshing his eyes, and renovating
his sense of ancestral dignity with the
following paragraph therein:—"To
the left of the village of Dunder, and
pleasantly situated in a hollow, lies
Botham Hall, the residence of the
ancient family of Higginbotham, as it
is now commonly called. Yet it appears
by the county rolls, and sundry
old deeds, that the family formerly
styled itself Higges, till, the Manor
House lying in Botham, they gradually
assumed the appellation of
Higges-in-botham, and in process of
time, yielding to the corruptions of
the vulgar, Higginbotham."
"What, Frank! my County History!"
cried the Squire. "Mrs H.
he has got my County History!"
"Well, Hazeldean, it is time he
should know something about the
County."
"Ay, and History too," said Mrs
Dale, malevolently—for the little temper
was by no means blown over.
Frank.—"I'll not hurt it, I assure
you, sir. But I'm very much interested
just at present."
The Captain, putting down the
cards to cut.—"You've got hold of
that passage about Botham Hall, page
706, eh?"
Frank.—"No; I was trying to
make out how far it is to Mr Leslie's
place, Rood Hall. Do you know,
mother?"
Mrs Hazeldean.—"I can't say I
do. The Leslies don't mix with the
county; and Rood lies very much out
of the way."
Frank.—"Why don't they mix
with the county?"
Mrs Hazeldean.—"I believe
they are poor, and therefore I suppose
they are proud: they are an old family."
Parson, thrumming on the table
with great impatience.—"Old fiddledee!—talking
of old families when the
cards have been shuffled this half
hour!"
Captain Barnabas.—"Will you
cut for your partner, ma'am?"
Squire, who has been listening to
Frank's inquiries with a musing air.—"Why
do you want to know the
distance to Rood Hall?"
Frank, rather hesitatingly.—"Because
Randal Leslie is there for the
holidays, sir."
Parson.—"Your wife has cut for
you, Mr Hazeldean. I don't think it
was quite fair; and my partner has
turned up a deuce—deuce of hearts.
Please to come and play, if you mean
to play."
The Squire returns to the table, and
in a few minutes the game is decided
by a dexterous finesse of the Captain
against the Hazeldeans. The clock
strikes ten: the servants enter with a
tray; the Squire counts up his own
and his wife's losings; and the Captain
and Parson divide sixteen shillings
between them.
Squire.—"There, Parson, I hope
now you'll be in a better humour.
You win enough out of us to set up a
coach and four."
"Tut!" muttered the Parson; "at
the end of the year, I'm not a penny
the richer for it all."
And, indeed, monstrous as that
assertion seemed, it was perfectly
true, for the Parson portioned out his
gains into three divisions. One-third
he gave to Mrs Dale, for her own
special pocket-money; what became
of the second third he never owned,
even to his better half—but certain it
was, that every time the Parson won
seven-and-sixpence, half-a-crown,
which nobody could account for, found
its way to the poor-box; while the
remaining third, the Parson, it is true,
openly and avowedly retained: but I
have no manner of doubt that, at the
year's end, it got to the poor quite as
safely as if it had been put into the box.
The party had now gathered round
the tray, and were helping themselves
to wine and water, or wine without
water—except Frank, who still remained
poring over the map in the
County History, with his head leaning
on his hands, and his fingers plunged
in his hair.
"Frank," said Mrs Hazeldean, "I
never saw you so studious before."
Frank started up, and coloured, as
if ashamed of being accused of too
much study in anything.
The Squire, with a little embarrassment
in his voice.—"Pray, Frank,
what do you know of Randal Leslie?"
"Why, sir, he is at Eton."
"What sort of a boy is he?" asked
Mrs Hazeldean.
Frank hesitated, as if reflecting,
and then answered—"They say he
is the cleverest boy in the school. But
then he saps."
"In other words," said Mr Dale,
with proper parsonic gravity, "he
understands that he was sent to school
to learn his lessons, and he learns
them. You call that sapping—I call
it doing his duty. But pray, who and
what is this Randal Leslie, that you
look so discomposed, Squire?"
"Who and what is he?" repeated
the Squire, in a low growl. "Why,
you know, Mr Audley Egerton married
Miss Leslie the great heiress;
and this boy is a relation of hers. I
may say," added the Squire, "that
he is as near a relation of mine, for
his grandmother was a Hazeldean.
But all I know about the Leslies is,
that Mr Egerton, as I am told, having
no children of his own, took up young
Randal, (when his wife died, poor
woman,) pays for his schooling, and
has, I suppose, adopted the boy as his
heir. Quite welcome. Frank and I
want nothing from Mr Audley Egerton,
thank heaven."
"I can well believe in your brother's
generosity to his wife's kindred,"
said the Parson sturdily, "for
I am sure Mr Egerton is a man of
strong feeling."
"What the deuce do you know about
Mr Egerton? I don't suppose you
could ever have even spoken to him."
"Yes," said the Parson, colouring
up, and looking confused, "I had
some conversation with him once;"
and observing the Squire's surprise,
he added—"when I was curate at
Lansmere—and about a painful business
connected with the family of one
of my parishioners."
"Oh! one of your parishioners at
Lansmere—one of the constituents Mr
Audley Egerton threw over, after all
the pains I had taken to get him his
seat. Rather odd you should never
have mentioned this before, Mr Dale!"
"My dear sir," said the Parson,
sinking his voice, and in a mild
tone of conciliatory expostulation,
"you are so irritable whenever Mr
Egerton's name is mentioned at
all."
"Irritable!" exclaimed the Squire,
whose wrath had been long simmering,
and now fairly boiled over.—"Irritable,
sir! I should think so: a
man for whom I stood godfather at
the hustings, Mr Dale! a man for
whose sake I was called a 'prize ox,'
Mr Dale! a man for whom I was
hissed in a market-place, Mr Dale! a
man for whom I was shot at, in cold
blood, by an officer in his Majesty's
service, who lodged a ball in my right
shoulder, Mr Dale! a man who had
the ingratitude, after all this, to turn
his back on the landed interest—to
deny that there was any agricultural
distress in a year which broke three
of the best farmers I ever had, Mr
Dale!—a man, sir, who made a speech
on the Currency which was complimented
by Ricardo, a Jew! Good
heavens! a pretty parson you are, to
stand up for a fellow complimented by
a Jew! Nice ideas you must have of
Christianity. Irritable, sir!" now
fairly roared the Squire, adding to the
thunder of his voice the cloud of a
brow, which evinced a menacing ferocity
that might have done honour to
Bussy d'Amboise or Fighting Fitzgerald.
"Sir, if that man had not
been my own half-brother, I'd have
called him out. I have stood my
ground before now. I have had a ball
in my right shoulder. Sir, I'd have
called him out."
"Mr Hazeldean! Mr Hazeldean!
I'm shocked at you," cried the Parson;
and, putting his lips close to the Squire's
ear, he went on in a whisper—"What
an example to your son! You'll have
him fighting duels one of these days,
and nobody to blame but yourself."
This warning cooled Mr Hazeldean;
and, muttering, "Why the deuce did
you set me off?" he fell back into
his chair, and began to fan himself
with his pocket-handkerchief.
The Parson skilfully and remorselessly
pursued the advantage he had
gained. "And now, that you may
have it in your power to show civility
and kindness to a boy whom Mr
Egerton has taken up, out of respect
to his wife's memory—a kinsman,
you say, of your own—and who has
never offended you—a boy whose
diligence in his studies proves him
to be an excellent companion to
your son;—Frank," (here the Parson
raised his voice,) "I suppose you
wanted to call on young Leslie, as
you were studying the county map so
attentively?"
"Why, yes," answered Frank, rather
timidly, "if my father did not
object to it. Leslie has been very
kind to me, though he is in the sixth
form, and, indeed, almost the head of
the school."
"Ah," said Mrs Hazeldean, "one
studious boy has a fellow-feeling for
another; and though you enjoy your
holidays, Frank, I am sure you read
hard at school."
Mrs Dale opened her eyes very
wide, and stared in astonishment.
Mrs Hazeldean retorted that look
with great animation. "Yes, Carry,"
said she, tossing her head, "though
you may not think Frank clever, his
masters find him so. He got a prize
last half. That beautiful book, Frank—hold
up your head, my love—what
did you get it for?"
Frank, reluctantly.—"Verses,
ma'am."
Mrs Hazeldean, with triumph.—"Verses!—there,
Carry, verses!"
Frank, in a hurried tone.—"Yes,
but Leslie wrote them for me."
Mrs Hazeldean, recoiling.—"O
Frank! a prize for what another did
for you—that was mean."
Frank, ingenuously.—"You can't
be more ashamed, mother, than I was
when they gave me the prize."
Mrs Dale, though previously provoked
at being snubbed by Harry,
now showing the triumph of generosity
over temper.—"I beg your pardon,
Frank. Your mother must be as
proud of that shame as she was of the
prize."
Mrs Hazeldean puts her arm round
Frank's neck, smiles beamingly on
Mrs Dale, and converses with her son
in a low tone about Randal Leslie.
Miss Jemima now approached Carry,
and said in an "aside,"—"But we
are forgetting poor Mr Riccabocca.
Mrs Hazeldean, though the dearest
creature in the world, has such a
blunt way of inviting people—don't
you think if you were to say a word
to him, Carry?"
Mrs Dale kindly, as she wraps her
shawl round her.—"Suppose you
write the note yourself. Meanwhile, I
shall see him, no doubt."
Parson, putting his hand on the
Squire's shoulder.—"You forgive my
impertinence, my kind friend. We
parsons, you know, are apt to take
strange liberties, when we honour and
love folks, as I do you."
"Pish!" said the Squire, but his
hearty smile came to his lips in
spite of himself.—"You always
get your own way, and I suppose
Frank must ride over and see this pet
of my—"
"Brother's," quoth the Parson, concluding
the sentence in a tone which
gave to the sweet word so sweet a
sound that the Squire would not correct
the Parson, as he had been about
to correct himself.
Mr Dale moved on; but as he passed
Captain Barnabas, the benignant
character of his countenance changed
sadly.
"The cruellest trump, Captain
Higginbotham!" said he sternly, and
stalked by—majestic.
The night was so fine that the
Parson and his wife, as they walked
home, made a little détour through the
shrubbery.
Mrs Dale.—"I think I have done
a good piece of work to-night."
Parson, rousing himself from a
reverie.—"Have you, Carry?—it will
be a very pretty handkerchief."
Mrs Dale.—"Handkerchief!—nonsense,
dear. Don't you think it
would be a very happy thing for both,
if Jemima and Signor Riccabocca
could be brought together?"
Parson.—"Brought together!"
Mrs Dale.—"You do snap one up
so, my dear—I mean if I could make a
match of it."
Parson.—"I think Riccabocca is
a match already, not only for Jemima,
but yourself into the bargain."
Mrs Dale, smiling loftily.—"Well,
we shall see. Was not Jemima's
fortune about £4000?"
Parson dreamily, for he is relapsing
fast into his interrupted reverie;—"Ay—ay—I
daresay."
Mrs Dale.—"And she must have
saved! I dare say it is nearly £6000
by this time;—eh! Charles dear, you
really are so—good gracious, what's
that!"
As Mrs Dale made this exclamation,
they had just emerged from the
shrubbery, into the village green.
Parson.—"What's what?"
Mrs Dale pinching her husband's
arm very nippingly.—"That thing—there—there."
Parson.—"Only the new stocks,
Carry; I don't wonder they frighten
you, for you are a very sensible
woman. I only wish they would
frighten the Squire."
Supposed to be a letter from Mrs Hazeldean
to——Riccabocca, Esq., The
Casino; but edited, and indeed composed,
by Miss Jemima Hazeldean.
"Dear Sir,—To a feeling heart it
must always be painful to give pain
to another, and (though I am sure unconsciously)
you have given the greatest
pain to poor Mr Hazeldean and
myself, indeed to all our little circle,
in so cruelly refusing our attempts to
become better acquainted with a
gentleman we so highly ESTEEM. Do,
pray, dear sir, make us the amende
honorable, and give us the pleasure of
your company for a few days at the
Hall! May we expect you Saturday
next?—our dinner hour is six o'clock.
"With the best compliments of Mr
and Miss Jemima Hazeldean,
"Believe me, my dear Sir,
yours truly,
H. H.
Hazeldean Hall."
Miss Jemima having carefully sealed
this note, which Mrs Hazeldean had
very willingly deputed her to write,
took it herself into the stable-yard, in
order to give the groom proper instructions
to wait for an answer. But
while she was speaking to the man,
Frank, equipped for riding with more
than his usual dandyism, came also
into the yard, calling for his pony in
a loud voice, and singling out the very
groom whom Miss Jemima was addressing—for,
indeed, he was the smartest
of all in the Squire's stables—told
him to saddle the grey pad, and accompany
the pony.
"No, Frank," said Miss Jemima,
"you can't have George; your father
wants him to go on a message—you
can take Mat."
"Mat, indeed!" said Frank, grumbling
with some reason; for Matt was a
surly old fellow, who tied a most
indefensible neckcloth, and always
contrived to have a great patch in his
boots;—besides, he called Frank
"Master," and obstinately refused to
trot down hill;—"Mat, indeed!—let
Mat take the message, and George go
with me."
But Miss Jemima had also her
reasons for rejecting Mat. Mat's
foible was not servility, and he always
showed true English independence in
all houses where he was not invited
to take his ale in the servants' hall.
Mat might offend Signor Riccabocca,
and spoil all. An animated altercation
ensued, in the midst of which the
Squire and his wife entered the yard,
with the intention of driving in the
conjugal gig to the market town. The
matter was referred to the natural
umpire by both the contending parties.
The Squire looked with great contempt
on his son. "And what do
you want a groom at all for? Are you
afraid of tumbling off the pony?"
Frank.—"No, sir; but I like to go
as a gentleman, when I pay a visit to
a gentleman!"
Squire, in high wrath.—"You
precious puppy! I think I'm as good
a gentleman as you, any day, and I
should like to know when you ever
saw me ride to call on a neighbour,
with a fellow jingling at my heels,
like that upstart Ned Spankie, whose
father kept a cotton-mill. First time
I ever heard of a Hazeldean thinking
a livery-coat was necessary to prove
his gentility!"
Mrs Hazeldean observing Frank
colouring, and about to reply.—"Hush,
Frank, never answer your
father,—and you are going to call on
Mr Leslie?"
"Yes, Ma'am, and I am very much
obliged to my father for letting me,"
said Frank, taking the Squire's hand.
"Well, but Frank," continued Mrs
Hazeldean, "I think you heard
that the Leslies were very poor."
Frank.—"Eh, mother?"
Mrs Hazeldean.—"And would
you run the chance of wounding the
pride of a gentleman, as well born as
yourself, by affecting any show of
being richer than he is?"
Squire with great admiration.—"Harry,
I'd give £10 to have said
that!"
Frank, leaving the Squire's hand
to take his mother's.—"You're quite
right, mother—nothing could be more
snobbish!"
Squire.—"Give us your fist too,
sir; you'll be a chip of the old block,
after all."
Frank smiled, and walked off to his
pony.
Mrs Hazeldean to Miss Jemima.—"Is
that the note you were to write
for me?"
Miss Jemima.—"Yes, I supposed
you did not care about seeing it, so I
have sealed it, and given it to
George."
Mrs Hazeldean.—"But Frank
will pass close by the Casino on his
way to the Leslies'. It may be more
civil if he leaves the note himself."
Miss Jemima hesitatingly.—"Do
you think so?"
Mrs Hazeldean.—"Yes, certainly.
Frank—Frank—as you pass
by the Casino, call on Mr Riccabocca,
give this note, and say we
shall be heartily glad if he will
come."
Frank nods.
"Stop a bit," cried the Squire. "If
Rickeybockey's at home, 'tis ten to one
if he don't ask you to take a glass of
wine! If he does, mind, 'tis worse
than asking you to take a turn on the
rack. Faugh! you remember, Harry?—I
thought it was all up with me."
"Yes," cried Mrs Hazeldean, "for
heaven's sake, not a drop! Wine
indeed!"
"Don't talk of it," cried the Squire,
making a wry face.
"I'll take care, sir!" said Frank,
laughing as he disappeared within the
stable, followed by Miss Jemima, who
now coaxingly makes it up with him,
and does not leave off her admonitions
to be extremely polite to the
poor foreign gentleman, till Frank
gets his foot into the stirrup; and
the pony, who knows whom he has got
to deal with, gives a preparatory
plunge or two, and then darts out of
the yard.