(From the Diary of a Reporter)
(FROM THE DIARY OF A REPORTER)
“Be in N-sk on the twentieth. Session of district
court. Details in letter. Editor.”
I looked at my watch and then went to inquire
about the trains. I hoped that I could not catch
the night train at the station, which was some ten
versts from the city where I had just finished another
piece of reporting. I saw already the laconic
and business-like answer: “Telegram delayed,
cannot arrive on twentieth.” Unfortunately the
time-table and my watch decided differently. I
had three hours to pack and get to the station.
That was time enough.
About 11 o’clock on a warm summer evening a
coachman landed me at the station; the lights could
be seen for a great distance. I got there just in
time; the train was waiting.
Directly opposite the entrance there was a car
with the windows open. It was not filled and some
intelligent-appearing men were playing cards. I
imagined that they were members of the court going
to the session, and I decided to look for a place
elsewhere. This was no easy task but I finally
succeeded. The train was just starting when, with
my bag in my hand, I entered a second-class compartment
in which there were three passengers.
I sat down by the window, through which entered
the freshness of the summer night, and soon there
were flying past me ends of sleepers, hills, roaring
bridges, buildings, fields bathed in the moonlight,—all
as if carried by a high wind. I was tired
and sad. I thought how my life was flying in the
same way, from bridge to bridge, from station to
station, from city to city, from fire to law court....
And that I could never write for any paper
what the editor wanted. And all that I would
write the next day would be dry and uninteresting.
These were not cheerful thoughts. I tore myself
away from them and began to listen to the conversation
of my fellow travelers.
My nearest neighbor was sleeping contentedly,
letting me stretch out as I could. Opposite me one
passenger was lying down and another was sitting
by the window. They kept on with the conversation
they had already commenced.
“Let’s imagine,” said the one who was lying
down, “that I am a man who is not superstitious....
But yet” (he yawned pleasantly and slowly)
“it cannot be denied that there is much, so to
speak, unknown,—isn’t that so?... Let’s suppose,
the peasants ... country naïvete and superstition.
But take a paper....”
“Well, a paper. Superstition is for peasants,
but this is for the papers. A peasant, simple fellow,
sees a primitive devil with horns and breathing
fire. He’s frightened.... A reporter sees a
figure from the ballet....”
The gentleman who admitted that there was
“much unknown” yawned again.
“Yes,” he said with a somewhat scientific air,
“that is true; fears disappear with the development
of culture and education....”
His companion did not reply, but later said
thoughtfully:
“Disappear?... Do you remember in Tolstoy:
Anna Karenina and Vronsky have the identical
dream: a peasant, an ordinary laborer ‘works in
steel’ and speaks French.... Both wake up in
terror.... What’s so terrible there? Of course,
it’s a little strange for a peasant to speak French.
But, granted.... Nevertheless, in a given combination
of circumstances, a picture which is not
frightful will terrify you.... Take the Brothers
Karamazov of Dostoyevsky.... We’ve got there
an urban devil.... You remember, of course....”
“No, I don’t.... You know, Pavel Semenovich,
I’m an instructor of mathematics....”
“Oh, excuse me.... I thought.... Yes, I remember:
he was a certain man, or, better yet, a
certain type of Russian gentleman, quite well along
in years, with his hair and pointed beard rather
gray.... His linen and necktie, you know, were
like those of any other stylish gentleman, but his
linen was rather dirty and his necktie frayed.
To sum up, ‘He looked like a man of taste with
slender financial resources....’”
“That’s a fine devil! A mere sharper, and
they’re common enough,” remarked the mathematician.
“Yes, I know there’s a lot of them.... But
it’s frightful and it’s that, just because it’s so
common; that same poor necktie, linen, and coat....
If it were only frayed, it would be like yours
or mine....”
“All right, Pavel Semenovich.... Excuse me,
but you have a strange philosophy.”
The mathematician seemed rather insulted.
Pavel Semenovich turned towards the light, and I
had a good view of his broad face, straight brows
and gray, thoughtful eyes hidden under his stern
forehead.
Both paused. For a little while you could
hear only the hurried roar of the train. Then
Pavel Semenovich began again in his even
voice.
“At the station of N-sk I happened, you know,
to walk up toward the engine. I’m a little acquainted
with the engineer.... A chronically
sleepy individual with swollen eyes.”
“Yes?” asked his companion indifferently, and
not trying to conceal his feelings.
“Certainly.... A natural condition. He hadn’t
slept for thirty-six hours.”
“M-n, yes.... That is a long while.”
“I thought so too: we fall asleep.... The train
is flying at full speed.... And it’s run by a man
who is almost stupefied....”
His companion fidgeted a little.
“What an idea!... Really, damnation....
You should have told the chief of the station....”
“What for?... He’d laugh! A common thing.
You might almost call it the system. In Petersburg
there’s a gentleman sitting in some office....
He’s got a board in front of him with numbers
on it. Arrival.... Departure.... And the
engineers are listed too.... Pay—so much.
Versts—so many. Versts—that’s the length of
the run,—a useful number, profitable, steady, that
can be increased. The pay for the men is minus....
And this fellow just cracks his head, thinking
how to run the largest number of miles on the
smallest number of engineers. Or even make the
distance larger than ever.... It’s a sort of silent
game with numbers, so to speak.... And a most
ordinary chap bothers with it.... He wears a
poor coat and necktie, and he looks respectable....
A good friend and a fine husband.... He
loves his child and gives presents to his wife on
holidays.... His job is harmless, and he merely
decides simple questions. The result is that sleep
kills people.... And across the fields and through
the ravines of our beloved country on such moonlight
nights as this trains tear along like this, and
the watch is kept by the sleepy, swollen eyes of
the man who is responsible for hundreds of lives....
A moment’s slumber....”
The legs of the mathematician in their checkered
trousers stirred: he got up from his seat in
the shadow and sat down on a bench.... His fat,
expressionless face, with its thick, clipped mustache,
made you uneasy.
“Stop your croaking, for heaven’s sake,” he
said angrily. “However you argue, the result is
the same, devil take it.... I wanted to fall
asleep....”
Pavel Semenovich looked at him in surprise.
“What’s the matter?” he said. “Are you crazy?
We’ll get there all right, if God wills. I merely
want to point out how the terrible and the usual
are combined.... Economy is the most ordinary
idea of life.... But sometimes it involves death....
It is even measurable by the law of probability....”
The mathematician, still more angry, took out
his cigar case and said, as he began to smoke:
“No, you’re right: the devil knows: the rascal’ll
fall asleep, and all at once.... These beasts of
railroad men.... O, let’s talk of something else.
The devil take these fears.... Are you still vegetating
in Tikhodol?... You’ve stuck there a
long time....”
“Yes,” answered Pavel Semenovich, a little embarrassed.
“It’s such a wretched place. It’s just
like living in a yoke.... A teacher, prosecutor,
excise official.... When you once land there,
you’re forgotten, and removed from the lists of
the living....”
“Yes.... It is an awful place.... It’s deadening....
Why, there’s not even a club there.
And the mud is unendurable.”
“There’s a club now, at least that’s what we
call it.... And there are a few stretches of pavement....
Lighting, especially in the centre of the
town.... But, I’ll confess, I live on the edge,
and don’t make much use of these conveniences.”
“Where do you live?”
“With Budnikov, in the suburbs.”
“Budnikov? Semen Nikolayevich? Just think,
I lived in that section myself: with Father Polidorov....
Of course, I met Budnikov! A fine
man, well educated, but rather—filled with ideas?”
“Yes, with a few notions....”
“No, not that.... I said ideas. But notions.
What? None special, I think.”
“No, nothing special, but just the same: he used
to keep valuable papers in a mattress....”
“Why, I never knew that. But when I met
him he made a queer impression on me. He was
so fresh and original.... A house owner, and all
of a sudden he went to living in two rooms without
servants.... No, I remember, he had a kind of
porter....”
“Yes, Gavrilo....”
“That’s right, that’s right. Gavrilo, a little
fellow with white eyebrows? Yes? That’s right....
I remember I liked to look at his face: such
a good-natured snout. I almost thought the master
was part workman.... Who is he? Is he always
that way?”
Pavel Semenovich said nothing for a few minutes.
He then looked at his companion with some
embarrassment and replied:
“Y-yes, you’re right.... That actually happened....
Semen Nikolayevich ... and Gavrilo....
Both together....”
“Yes, I remember....”
“He was a fine man for our city.... Educated,
independent, with ideas.... He went to the university
but never finished because of some escapade....
He once spoke of it as if he had made an
unfortunate venture into love. ‘My heart was
broken,’ he said. On the other hand I know that
he corresponded with a friend in some outlandish
place. That shows there was something behind it....
His father, he said, was a usurer, but not a
malicious one. This caused a row between father
and son. The young student didn’t approve of
it and wouldn’t touch the money, but lived by
teaching.... When the father died, Semen
Nikolayevich came and inherited the property. He
said to some one: ‘I don’t want it.... This is
owed to society.’ Then I don’t know what happened....
The house, land, long-term leases, a
lawsuit.... He carried it on one, two, three years,
and then got to like it. Many still remember how
he said: ‘I’ll finish the lawsuit with these curs and
settle up.... I won’t stay a day longer in this
confounded hole.’ ... But it’s the usual story....
We had a teacher once, a zoölogist, who came
to our gymnasium and said bluntly: ‘As soon as
I write my dissertation, I’ll get out of the
swamp!’”
“That’s Kallistov, isn’t it?” asked the mathematician,
with great interest. The narrator waved
assent.
“He’s still writing it. He married; had three
children.... That’s just the way with Semen
Nikolayevich Budnikov. He’s been making a dissertation
of his life, so to speak. He began to
enjoy this lawsuit. Challenges, protests, cassation,
the whole game.... And he kept writing himself
without consulting lawyers.... Then, after a while,
he commenced to build a new house. When I got to
know him, he was already a lucky, middle-aged
bachelor, with a reddish face, and such a pleasant,
quiet, substantial and sleepy voice. Then he had
a few peculiarities. He sometimes used to come
to see me, especially when it was time to pay my
rent.... This was due on the twentieth. That
meant that on the twentieth he used to come at
eight o’clock in the evening and drink two cups
of tea with rum in it. No more, no less! In each
cup two spoonfuls of rum and one of sugar. I got
to look at this as an addition to my rent. He
did the same with all his lodgers,—only some with
and some without rum. The rents were all different,
about twenty in his four houses (one in the city
was quite large).... That made forty cups of
tea.... He seemed as if he had included that in
his budget and marked it down.... Sometimes,
‘I didn’t find so and so at home, but he brought
the money the next day. Still owing, two cups
of tea.’”
“Really?” laughed Petr Petrovich. “He never
reasoned that way! Why do you think so?”
“For this reason. At first this was an unexpected
characteristic, but it got to be believed,
although in your time maybe it didn’t exist. The
tenants began to say: you know M. Budnikov is
an economical man. That was meant well and
even as a sign of approval. But it suddenly
reacted on Budnikov.... You understand? The
unintelligible man began to develop a special intelligible
trait.... It became clearer and clearer.
All believed, for example, that M. Budnikov kept
no servants. Gavrilo was the porter of the house
where I lived; he used to clean the clothes of the
different people, fix the samovars, and run errands.
Sometimes the master and servant used to sit side
by side and clean shoes, the porter for the tenants,
Budnikov for himself. Then M. Budnikov got a
horse. No special need for him to do it. As a
luxury, he’d ride twice a week to a farm near the
city. The rest of the time the horse was free.
Gavrilo wasn’t busy all the time either.... The
result was—the horse was put at Gavrilo’s disposal,
and he used to ride down town. Gavrilo had nothing
against this arrangement, because he considered
incessant work his special duty. You know there’s
a sort of talent for everything, and I thought once
that Gavrilo was a kind of genius in the field of
muscular labor.... Easy motioned,—unwearied
freshness. Sometimes at night he wouldn’t sleep.
Look out of the window and you’d see Gavrilo
sweeping the street or cleaning the ditches. It
meant—he’d gone to bed and then remembered he
hadn’t swept all the pavement the last thing. So
he’d go and clean it. And this was really beautiful.”
“Yes,” said the mathematician, “that’s a good
description of the man. I remember I liked to
look at him,—he seemed rather attractive.”
“Spiritual poise is always beautiful, and he did
his duty without speculating about his relation to
his master.... And that was a fine thing, you
know,—their mutual relations. One used his
muscles admirably. The other gave reason and
rational meaning to it.... He saw that the time
was not all filled ... and he found a new occupation....
There was a sort of balancing of
interests, almost an idyl.... Almost before
dawn Gavrilo was at work. M. Budnikov also got
up early. They said good morning with a manifestly
pleasant feeling. Then M. Budnikov either
went to work in his garden or went around his
‘estate’ scattered through the city. Poverty gets
up early, and he went mornings to poverty’s quarters....
Then he’d come back and say:
“‘Now harness up, Gavrilo, and I’ll finish cleaning
up.... The officials are just going to their
offices. You may meet some one....’
“At this time he considered himself neither a
Tolstoyan nor a deliberate simplifier.... He often
spoke of the abnormality of our lives, of the necessity
of paying our debt to the laboring man, of the
advantages of physical labor. ‘See, I’m working,’
he’d say to any one who caught him busied with
axe or spade. ‘I’m helping my neighbor, my
porter, with his work.’ It was hard to tell whether
he was talking ironically or seriously.... At
noon Gavrilo’d come back and put his horse in
the stable, and M. Budnikov would go of on business
and make polite remarks to his tenants about
a broken fence or a piece of plaster knocked down
by children’s balls.... He often came back with
one or two beggars. They had asked him for alms
on the street and he’d offered ‘assistance through
toil.’ ... Of course, the rogues ran off shamefully,
but M. Budnikov took especial pleasure in
working, either alone or with Gavrilo. All the
beggars in the city soon got to know him and
bowed with a friendly smile, but did not ask for
money. ‘Why can’t you see what’s good for you,
my friends?’ he’d say meaningly. I must say
that a ‘life of toil’ did bring him manifest personal
benefits; his ruddy color was absolutely evident,
even, and healthy. His face was always quiet and
placid, and almost like Gavrilo’s.... It had
nothing malicious or strange in it.”
“I see, you’re back on your old theme!” said
the mathematician, standing up and striking his
companion’s shoulder. “Of course, nothing terrible....
I’m going out here.... Eight minutes’
wait.”
The train slowed down and stopped.
Pavel Semenovich, thus left without an audience,
looked around in despair. Soon his gray eyes met
mine. In his gaze I noticed an obstinate idea like
that of a maniac....
“You ... understand?” he said frankly,
wholly undisturbed by the fact that he was talking
to a stranger.
“I think so,” I answered.
“Good,” he said, with evident satisfaction, and
then he went on, as if he were talking to the same
person.
“I had, you know, a school friend named
Kalugin, Petr Petrovich. As a young man he was
infected with the tendencies of his age, but he
was a rare type. He said little. He preferred
to listen, and he watched how others failed, and he
tried, as is said, to turn the wheel of history....
But you could feel his rapture and his devotion
in his silence.... He finally came to the
conclusion: ‘Everything is good and extraordinarily
fine, but there is no lever. Money is the
lever. And you can’t do a thing without a hundred
thousand.’ You know, he succeeded in convincing
several of his friends of this and they formed a
small savings association. Of course, nothing
came of it: one simply got tired; fate placed another
too far from the source of gain. But Petr
Petrovich held on and won. He wasn’t brilliant,
but he was of a good character, and that kind of
men get along well in business. He first went into
some sort of an institution along the Volga. It
wasn’t a bank nor a loan association. To get
ahead, he didn’t despise even this, and all of a
sudden he put new life into it, as they say. In
three years’ time, he was making about six thousand
a year.... He put the question this way:
‘Five twenties make a hundred! I’ll keep one
thousand a year and put five thousand away for
the cause. In twenty years my lever’ll be ready.’
More than that, he did it. Of course he had to
have a self-sacrificing character. And system!
First, to avoid all foolish accidents, he left his old
friends ‘for a time,’—those who tried to catch the
wheel of history in their bare hands. ‘I’ve got
my problem.... Ingratitude ... accidental notes
... do me the favor, it’s not necessary.’ ... And
he held out. He mastered his life and counted
every detail. Nothing—except making money!
He got up every day, not like Budnikov at seven
o’clock, but at thirteen minutes to seven. Second
by second! He gave up his personal life.... Up
to that time he had had only one pleasure: he got
intimate with a girl, but on a free basis. They gave
each other their word ‘not to bind each other.’
What a stupid phrase! A child gave its word to
no one.... It just appeared and demanded its
rights.... She was glad.... He was angry.
This unpleasant event might be repeated, he
thought, and, with an eye on his great cause, he
determined to enjoy his freedom. ‘I’ll give the
child a certain sum,’ he said, ‘even though it interferes
with my great cause.’ ... The woman also
had character. She never touched a cent of the
money, but snatched up the child,—and away forever....
How he felt afterwards, no one knows,
but he worked harder than ever to save money....
After various successes and failures, after
twenty years, during which he regularly got up at
thirteen minutes to seven, he congratulated himself
on his success. He had a hundred thousand.
He went to his work at the usual time, walked into
the office of his superior and said: ‘I’ll leave in
two months.’ They opened their mouths in amazement.
‘Are you crazy? Why? Can we raise
your salary? Give you a share of the profits?’ No!
He told why, and in two months he went to Moscow
to take up his old life. And he had a hundred
thousand in his pocket.”
“Oh, ho!” said Petr Petrovich, who just then
came back from the restaurant.... “Still talking
about Budnikov?”
“No,” answered Pavel Semenovich. “I was
talking about some one else.”
“Some one else! Go on, I don’t care.... Go
on with the hundred thousand. I hope that’s not
terrible....”
His voice sounded as if it were mocking. Pavel
Semenovich looked at him in mild surprise and
turned to me.
“Yes, it’s like this.... He went to Moscow,—to
his past, you see.... He thought life would
wait, till he got rich.... He’d go to the same
newspaper corner, find the same arguments and
the same people, and they’d be grabbing at the
wheel of history with their hands as ever....
He’d show his lever.... ‘Permit me! You have
fine ideas.... Here’s my money to carry them
out.’ But there wasn’t a soul to offer it to; there
were other people in the corner, and they talked
differently. The others had perished under the
wheel of history, or had given up.... Life is like
a train.... If you leave the station for a time,
when you come back the train’s gone. Sometimes
you can’t even find the station. You understand
this tragedy, my friend?”
“But, excuse me,” said Petr Petrovich. “A
hundred thousand! Free! Many a man will be
willing to have this tragedy....”
“Yes? But this man, I tell you, was sincere.”
“What of it?”
“Just this.... He wandered around among
his old and new friends and kept looking for the
train.... He disgusted every one.... The
thing for which he had given his own life and
another’s was unintelligible; it’s just like losing
a finger when you don’t know what for. You
understand,—various, respectable affairs like a
‘people’s home’ or a paper or an ‘ideal book store’
don’t satisfy a seventy-year-old man.... He’s
ready then to give up interest and capital....”
“But at six per cent you can live modestly....
You can live!”
“Of course.... But if you want to do something....
This was an act of heroism.... He
gave his life as others do theirs.... And not only
his.... Would you do that for a little miserly
interest?... And there was no reason for his
heroism.... To sum up, one fine day they found
him in a lonely room in a hotel with a bullet in
his head.... And he had gotten rid of his money
somehow, quickly and quietly.... I saw him the
day before at a meeting of some society. No one
noticed him especially. They greeted him and
passed on; he was but a respectable man. Of a
strong character and the best of intentions. But
unusually dull!”
“H-m, yes!” said the mathematician. “There
are such cranks.” And he lay down to sleep.
His face, with its fat, clipped mustache, again
disappeared in the shadow, and you could see only
his feet and his checkered trousers. “I think,” he
growled from his corner, “that Budnikov is more
interesting. You’re not through with him....”
“Yes.... I ... excuse me,—it was all due to
chance.... I sat up all night recently.... I
was reading Budnikov’s correspondence with his
‘distant’ friend. Believe me, I could not tear myself
away, and you never would think that it was
written by that same Semen Nikolayevich Budnikov,
who drank tea and rum in my rooms, sent
Gavrilo downtown, and whose soul imperceptibly,
but almost before my eyes, dried up and grew
barren in our little house.... And it remained,
so to speak, without reverence for anything.”
He stopped and looked at me bashfully and
questioningly, as if he felt that he had said something
which was not proper for a railroad conversation.
He was somewhat startled when the
mathematician exhaled a thick cloud of smoke from
his dark corner and said:
“Pavel Semenovich, I see you really are a
crank. Isn’t that so?... Wonderful!... A
man has a hundred thousand and shoots himself!
Another lives as he likes, so to speak, healthy and
ruddy.... A quiet soul.... Safe.... Is that
strange?... By heavens, it’s impossible....
Good night.... It’s time to go to sleep. Nothing,
nothing!... You won’t disturb me by talking....
I won’t listen....”
He turned to the wall.
Pavel Semenovich modestly and questioningly
looked at me with his naïve gray eyes, and began
in a lower tone:
“There’s a street in Tikhodol called Bolotnaya
(Swamp Street). They built a house on it near
me.... New and of fresh wood.... The first
year it shone so, and then it lost its freshness.
It got covered with that especial dirt and weathering
and rubbish. Then it got the same color as
the old stables and sheds and you couldn’t tell it
from them. Now they say it’s haunted.... The
people suddenly said that Budnikov had robbed a
woman.”
“That’s absolute nonsense,” called the mathematician.
“I’ll never believe that Budnikov was
a robber. That’s some stupid rumor.”
Pavel Semenovich smiled sadly and rather distractedly:
“That’s what he was. A robber!... A robber
is the word, ... precisely! But it was just a
little personal ... tangle with rather vague outlines....
You see.... I must tell you that since
your time a mother and daughter moved in....
The women were simple and very poor and M.
Budnikov was their protector and friend. They
ran in debt for a long time, and he—always so
strict in affairs of this kind—stood it, and even
gave them money. For the doctor or for better
food, when one was sick. Finally the old woman
died and Yelena became an orphan. M. Budnikov
became very sympathetic, gave her a pleasant
little home, and got her work; she sewed,—got
along somehow.... Then she became a sort of
housekeeper for M. Budnikov, and then,—people
began to say that their relations became more
intimate....”
“Oh, oh!” yawned the mathematician. “They
didn’t need me for that.... Was she pretty?”
“Yes, rather pretty; fat, with flowing graceful
movements and mild eyes. They said she was
stupid. But, if she was, a woman’s stupidity is
often very peculiar.... A naïve and sleeping
innocence of soul. She felt her situation very
keenly. As is said in Uspensky, she was all shame....
M. Budnikov tried to teach her and lift her
up, so to speak, to his level. She seemed incapable
of it. She sat usually with a book, spelled it out
with her fingers, and her face was interested like
a child’s. She seemed to become dull and stupid
when Budnikov was around. He got sick of her
actions and then of Yelena, especially as other
things took up his attention. But there was a
time when he almost loved her. At least there
were indications of it. In a word, the breach was
not easy for him,—his conscience troubled him
and he wanted to silence it. He finally decided
to give her a ticket of the domestic lottery....
He called her, took out three tickets, put
them on the table, placed his hand on them, and
said:
“‘Look here, Yelena. One of these tickets may
win you two hundred thousand. Do you understand?’
“Of course she didn’t understand well. She
couldn’t imagine so large a sum, but he went on:
“‘Now, I’ll give you one. This paper is worth
365 rubles, but don’t sell it.... Take it and
may you be lucky....’
“She didn’t take it, but huddled up, as if she
were afraid. ‘All right,’ said M. Budnikov. ‘Give
me your hand and take this paper.’ He took
one of the tickets and guided her hand in making
two pencil strokes sharply and heavily. His mind
was clearly made up.... He gave it outright
with all the results, we may say. ‘You see,’ he
said, ‘this is yours, and if you win two hundred
thousand, they’ll be yours too.’ He placed it back
on the table. She reached out her hand and put
in her bosom a paper with the number of the
ticket.”
“Really?” asked the mathematician.
“Yes.... It had to happen so.... That
machine was working in Petersburg, throwing out
one number after another.... Children’s hands
pick them up.... And one of these tickets
won.”
“Two hundred thousand?” asked the mathematician,
with great interest; apparently he had
forgotten about sleeping.
“Not two hundred, but seventy-five.... During
March, M. Budnikov looked at the list of
drawings and saw that his number had won a
large prize. Zero, again zero ... 318 and 32.
Suddenly he remembered that he had given one
ticket to Yelena.... He also remembered that
there were two lines on the first. He had three
in a row: 317, 318 and 319. That means 317....
He got out the tickets and looked: there were
two lines on 317. Yelena had won....”
“The devil,” exclaimed the mathematician, raising
himself a little. “That’s luck!”
“Yes, it was. And she was so stupid. The
lines were on that number, when he thought that
he would give her another.... A mistake, a
mechanical wave of the hand, mere chance....
And, because of this chance, Yelena, a stupid
woman who understood nothing and did not know
what to do with money, would take from him ...
him, M. Budnikov, take away, so to speak, a large
sum of money. That was foolish, wasn’t it? He
was educated, had an aim in his life, or had had....
He might again. He would perhaps have
used the money for some good cause. He would
write again to his friend and ask his advice....
But she ... she? A beast with a round form and
beautiful eyes, which didn’t even show clearly
what was in them: the stupidity of a calf or the
innocence of a youth who had not yet grown to
conscious life.... Do you understand?... It
was so natural.... Any one in Budnikov’s place,
you ... I ... even Petr Petrovich, would have
felt the same way....”
Petr Petrovich made some sort of an indistinct
sound, which was susceptible of different interpretations.
“No?” said Pavel Semenovich. “Excuse me....
I’m speaking about myself.... My thoughts
or rather my inclinations would have been the
same, perhaps in the subconscious realm.... Because
... knowledge and all restraining influences
are a sort of bark, a thin cover under which
purely egoistic, primal and animal desires live
and move.... If they find a weak spot....”
“Fine, fine,” laughed Petr Petrovich condescendingly,
and I thought that he winked at me
from his dark corner. “Let’s get back to Budnikov....
What did he do? Pay it ... and
that’s all.”
“Apparently, yes; because he wanted to settle
the question and was a little afraid, he called
Yelena and congratulated her on winning. Then,
apparently wishing to make use of a favorable
opportunity, he hinted: ‘When we separate, you’ll
be all right.’ Then he got angry....”
“What for?”
“I think, because she was such a fool. If she’d
chosen then, she probably wouldn’t have taken
that number. But now it happened because of
her folly. An orderly and wise man lost that
money. That’s what I imagine from Yelena’s
story.... ‘He ran from one corner to another
and found fault with me.’ ...”
“What of her? Glad, of course?”
“N-no.... She was frightened and began to
weep. He got angry and she cried and he became
still more angry.”
“Really? What a fool!”
“Y-yes.... I’ve already explained: I don’t
call her wise, but weeping.... No, it wasn’t
foolishness.... When she told it to me afterwards
... she got to this point, looked at me
with her clear, bird-like eyes, and burst into tears.
Even now I can’t forget those eyes.... Foolishness,
perhaps, but there’s foolishness and foolishness.
It wasn’t clear knowledge and calculation
about the situation. But in those blue eyes there
was something very deep,—just as if a true instinct
shone in them.... Those foolish tears,
perhaps, were the only correct thing at that time....
I dare to say,—the wisest thing in the whole
confused story.... Somewhere, not far off, was
hidden the solution, like a secret door....”
“Fine, fine.... Go on!”
“Next, ... M. Budnikov looked a long time
intently at the foolish woman. Then he sat down
beside her, put his arms around her, and, for
the first time after the perceptible cooling of their
relations, he asked her not to go to her rooms, but
to spend the night with him....
“So things went on for some time. Yelena
bloomed.... Her love was ‘foolish’; it was
very direct. At first,—she told me herself,—M.
Budnikov was repugnant to her. Later, after he
had taken her, he dried her up, as she said. Such
direct feminine natures do not separate feelings
and facts, so to speak. Wherever you touch it,
the whole complex reacts together.... He came
back to her; therefore, he loved her.... For two
weeks she was so joyful and beautiful that every
one looked at her,—glad of her limitless joy....
But in two weeks M. Budnikov again cooled off....
A cold storm was raging in our yard....
Yelena’s eyes showed that she had been weeping....
The neighbors grumbled and pitied.
M. Budnikov was sullen.... Those two lines had
sunk deep into the hearts of both and a third felt
them.... The porter Gavrilo....”
“H-m! The whole story!” said Petr Petrovich,
again getting up and sitting down beside Pavel
Semenovich. “Was he there? Did he learn she’d
won?”
“He knew nothing about it. I’ve spoken of him.
A less clever person you could hardly imagine,—absolutely
heavenly directness.... Sometimes he
didn’t seem to be a man, but ... what shall I
say?... a simple collection of muscles, partially
conscious of their existence. He was constructed
properly, harmoniously, rightly, and always in
motion. And, in addition, two good human eyes
looked at the whole world from the point of view
of physical and moral indifference, so to speak....
Sometimes these eyes really gleamed with curiosity
and such unconscious excellence that you actually
felt jealous. Sometimes it seemed to me that if it
wasn’t Gavrilo himself, there was something in him
which understood M. Budinov, Yelena, and me....
He understood and smiled at us, just because
he did understand.... Suddenly the man became
confused.... It began when Budnikov
made up with Yelena and dropped her again....
To him she was an abandoned ‘master’s lady,’ a
creature which inspired in him no special respect,
and very probably his first advances seemed rather
simple and rustic. She met these advances with
deep hostility and anger. Then Gavrilo ‘began to
think,’ that is, began to eat little, become slack
in his work, grow thin, and generally to
dry up.
“This lasted during the fall and winter. Budnikov
finally grew cold to Yelena; she felt insulted
and believed that he was ‘laughing’ at her....
Gavrilo’s character was rather spoiled and the old
harmony between him and Budnikov disappeared....
And the ticket with the two lines on it lay
in the table drawer and seemed forgotten by
every one....
“Spring came with everything in this condition....
For a while I lost sight of the little drama
which was being enacted before my eyes.... My
examinations were coming on; I was very tired
and could not sleep. If you do fall asleep, you
awake with a start and can’t get to sleep again.
You light a candle,—your books are on the table,—you
begin to study.... And it’s sunrise.... You
go out on the steps, look at the sleeping street, the
trees in the garden.... A sleepy coachman is
going along the street; the trees are rustling
faintly, as if they were shivering in the morning
chill.... You envy the coachman, and even the
trees.... You want rest and this concentrated
unconscious life.... Then you go out in the garden....
Sit down on a bench and just get to
sleep, when the sun shines in your eyes. There
was just such a bench in a quiet corner by the
stable wall. When the sunlight fell on it at seven
o’clock you’d wake up, drink your tea, and go to
your classes.
“I went out one day at dawn and fell asleep
on this bench. Suddenly I woke up as if some
one had called me. The sun had scarcely risen
very high and the bench was still in the shadow.
What’s the matter, I wondered.... What woke
me up? Suddenly I heard Yelena’s voice in
Gavrilo’s stable. I wanted to get up and leave....
I don’t like to be an eavesdropper and it was
rather unpleasant to hear the simple solution of
Yelena’s drama. But, while I was getting ready to
leave, the conversation continued and finally I
didn’t go.... I just listened.
“‘You see I’ve come,’ said Yelena.... ‘What
do you want?’
“Suddenly, with such a deep and simple grief,
she added:
“‘You’ve been torturing me....’
“She said this ... with such a sincere and
heartfelt groan. Before, yes, and after, she always
spoke formally to him, but that time ... a
woman’s heart, sick with shame and love, used
the form of affection,—frankly, unconditionally,
freely....
“‘You’ve tortured me, too, Yelena Petrovna,’
answered Gavrilo. ‘I’ve lost my strength. I’ve
dried up. I can’t work and I can’t eat....’
“‘What are you going to do now?’ asked Yelena.
“‘What?’ he said. ‘Marry you, of course.’
“For a few minutes neither spoke. Yelena
seemed to be weeping softly. And yet that silence
was wonderfully clear, simple, frank. ‘You see
the situation: you’re no match for me; I would
have worked for Budnikov as well as I could, gone
to the village, gotten a place, married and taken
some good girl.... But that’s past; willy nilly
I want you as you are....’
“‘I’m lost,’ said Yelena softly.
“‘Why, Yelena Petrovna,’ answered Gavrilo,
with a grim tenderness.... ‘I don’t see that
you’re lost.... It’s just the same.... I can’t
live.... Like a corpse.... I can’t eat....
I’ve got no strength....’
“Yelena wept more loudly.... She was having
a good cry. It seemed painful but healing. Gavrilo
said sternly:
“‘Come, what are you going to do?... Are
you coming?’
“Yelena apparently exerted herself, stopped
weeping, and answered the repeated question:
“‘Do you fear God, Gavrilo Stepanich?’
“‘Why?’ asked Gavrilo.
“‘You won’t find fault with me?’
“‘No,’ he said, ‘I won’t find fault with you.
And I won’t let any one else. If you’re serious
in throwing this overboard forever.... Forever....
I’ll trust you....’
“Silence. I didn’t hear Yelena’s answer. I
only imagined that she must have turned to the
east, and perhaps there was an ikon in the room....
She crossed herself.... Then she suddenly
took his head in her arms and I heard them kiss.
That same instant Yelena ran out, rushed almost
to the house, but she suddenly stopped, opened
the gate, and came into the garden.
“Then she caught sight of me.... But it didn’t
embarrass her. She walked up, stopped, and looked
at me out of her happy eyes, and said:
“‘Do you always take a walk mornings?...
Friend....’
“Suddenly, overcome by her emotions, she came
nearer, took hold of my shoulders, shook me unceremoniously,
looked into my eyes, and laughed....
It was so naïve. She felt that I had been
listening and saw nothing bad in it.... When
Gavrilo came out with his broom and also entered
the garden, she blushed and ran past him. Gavrilo
looked after her with quiet joy, and then his gaze
fell on me. He bowed with his habitual quiet
politeness and commenced to sweep the path. He
again showed that same beautiful and effortless
play of healthy, free muscles.... And I remember
how the monastery bell sounded for early
matins,—it was Sunday. Gavrilo stopped in a
broad bay of the alley, took off his cap, held the
broom in his left hand, and crossed himself with
his right. The whole seemed to me so extraordinarily
bright and beautiful. The man stood in the
centre of a world of light, where everything was
very good, that is, all his relations to earth and
heaven.... In a word, it was so soothing a sight
that I went to my room and fell fast asleep after
so many sleepless nights. There’s something healing
and calming in honest human happiness. You
know it sometimes occurs to me that we are all
bound to be well and happy, because ... you see
... happiness is the highest possible condition of
spiritual health. And health is contagious like
disease.... We are so to speak open on all sides:
to the sun, wind, and other things. Others enter
us, and we them, without noticing it.... And
that’s why——”
Pavel Semenovich suddenly stopped as he
felt the fixed and cynical gaze of Petr Petrovich.
“Yes, yes!... Excuse me,” he said, “this is
really a little unclear....”
“It is a little. You’d better go on. Without
philosophy....”
“ ... M. Budnikov woke me up. It happened
to be the twentieth. He came as usual, and as
usual he drank two cups of tea with rum, but I
saw that M. Budnikov was out of humor, and even
nervous.... And I involuntarily connected it
with the incident of the morning.
“For some time he kept out of sorts and every
one around noticed that something secret and
hidden had gone wrong between master and
servant. Gavrilo wanted to leave.... Budnikov
would not let him go, although he often told me
that he was disappointed in Gavrilo. As I was
walking one day through the garden, I saw them
both standing by the gate and talking. Budnikov
was excited; Gavrilo, calm. He was standing in
an easy position and kept looking at his spade,
which was stuck in the ground. He was evidently
insisting on something which enraged Budnikov....
But I thought that the subject of conversation
created between them a strange equality....
“‘Yes, friend, of course, it’s your business,’
said M. Budnikov. He caught sight of me but
did not think it necessary to change the subject.
He spoke spitefully and angrily.... ‘Yes....
You’re a free man.... But just remember, Gavrilo
Stepanich, if you have any utilitarian object,
... I, of course, can give only a very small
sum....’
“M. Budnikov was unable to speak simply, and
used foreign words, even when talking to Gavrilo....
Gavrilo looked at him calmly and answered:
“‘We don’t want anything.... We have
enough....’
“M. Budnikov glanced cautiously at him and
answered:
“‘Fine! Remember! Afterwards.... I’ll go
to Petersburg on business.... Do what you
want to.’
“Gavrilo bowed and said:
“‘I thank you....’
“‘Excuse me,’ replied M. Budnikov, with a
shadow of ironical melancholy, ‘I don’t expect
gratitude.’
“He slammed the gate and left the garden.
“He stopped and waited for me in the yard,
took my arm, and came up to my rooms. On the
way, and in my apartments, he kept talking confusedly
and incoherently. He did not conceal the
fact that he had had some affection for a certain
woman. This might be still ‘alive under the ashes.’ ...
On the other hand he was dreaming of union
and the possibility of friendship with his humblest
brother. Although both of these feelings had led
to his disillusionment, he could show something, so
that every one would feel it.... But in general,
magnanimity and the finer feelings belong only to
highly cultured people....
“He was nervous and under his rather artificial
pathos, I could see his real exasperation and
anger.
“I later had a chance to see his diary. These
were separate pages, written like letters to his
distant friend.... Apparently he hadn’t sent
any letters for a long time, but these pages were
like lights in the darkness. Under the approximate
day of the conversation with Gavrilo was a
passionate note. He told the whole story of
Yelena, and wrote that he had made a mistake,
and that he now loved her.... And that he would
try once more.... This ended with a sudden burst
of poetry: ‘My distant friend, you, of course, do
not doubt that I will do what I consider the duty
of magnanimity....’
“Then, sending Gavrilo one day with the horse
somewhere outside the city, M. Budnikov went to
the wing where Yelena still lived.
“‘Yelena! You should come to me. You must
fix up something....’
“A few days before this he had been thoughtful
and solemn, but now he dressed in style, went to
the wing, and entered Yelena’s room, without heeding
the inquisitive looks of his tenants.
“No one knew what happened in that room, but
a half-hour later M. Budnikov came out, stubborn,
affected, but apparently dazed. Every one began
to say that he had formally proposed to Yelena
and—she had rejected him.
“After this he left for Petersburg, where he
had a lawsuit before the Senate. He lost it, and
when he returned, Gavrilo and Yelena were already
married.
“This made a great impression upon him, like
some great spiritual conversion. One apparently
insignificant circumstance especially surprised him.
Every spring flowers grew by the wall under
M. Budnikov’s windows. This Yelena did regularly,
and it was put down as an annual source of
expense: seed, a watering pot, to a blacksmith for
mending the spade.... In the early spring Yelena
used to set to work at it, gladly and merrily, and
M. Budnikov took a delighted interest in it. Now
that wing was neglected, the flower bed languished,
M. Budnikov’s windows seemed blind.... But
the other wing, where Gavrilo and his wife lived,
bloomed and flourished. A symbol. When M.
Budnikov came back from the station and took one
look at this unexpected contrast his face changed,
and for a short time he lost his usual aristocratic
air. I suddenly felt sorry for him. I went out
and invited him into my room. He sat with me
a long time and gave me his impressions of the
capital,—verbose, rambling, insincere. I kept feeling
that M. Budnikov’s soul was thinking of something
very far removed from his impressions of
the capital.
“Gradually everything drifted back into the old
channels. M. Budnikov still went twice a week
to his farm, still visited his tenants on certain
days, still prepared his dinner on an oil stove.
But there were more trifles in his diary; for example,
he began to note down how many steps he
took each day, and apparently counted thereby the
use and value of various things.
“In a short time another change took place:
M. Budnikov felt attracted to religion.
“I remember one fall evening.... It was one
of those evenings when nature touches your soul
especially. The stars seem to be waving and whispering
in the heavens, and the earth is covered
with light and shade.... Our little city, as you
know, is quiet and filled with foliage. You go out
in the evening and sit down on your steps. And
so with the other houses along the street; here’s
one person on a bench by the gate, another on the
dirt bank, another on the grass.... People are
whispering about themselves, the trees about themselves,—and
there’s a hardly perceptible hum.
Yes, and something’s whispering in your soul. You
unconsciously review your whole life. What was
and what is left, where you came from, what’s
going to happen? Then, everything ... the
meaning of your life in the general economy of
nature, so to speak, ... nature, where all the
stars sink, unnumbered, unlimited, ... they
gleam and shine.... And speak to your soul.
Sometimes it’s sad and deep and quiet.... You
feel you’re going to the wrong place. You begin
to think what’s there above.... You want to run
away from this reproving beauty, this exalted
calm, with your load of confusion, and you want
to melt away in it.... You’ve no place to go....
You enter your office, look at all your things
in the lamp-light ... text-books, copy-books with
answers written by your pupils.... And you ask:
where’s there anything alive?...”
Petr Petrovich muttered something and the narrator
stopped again.
“Well ... that was the way I felt and I was
sitting on my steps and thinking: here’s the people
coming from vespers.... What of it? That’s the
way they find their relations to the infinite....
Or else it’s nothing but habit, mere automatic motion.
I prefer it to be real. Suddenly I saw one
man leave the crowd and come towards me. It
turned out to be M. Budnikov. He had been to
vespers. He sat down beside me.
“I felt that M. Budnikov was waiting, you know,
for me to ask him why he went to church. He
never had gone and was always sarcastic about religion,
but now he had suddenly commenced to go.
I was really interested and the evening led me to
be frank.... Why not say, I thought, that there’s
a cloud on my soul....
“Yes, Semen Nikolayevich, ...” I said ... “I
look at the sky and think....
“He nodded and commenced:
“‘That tortured me, too ... and I suffered....
And like you, I saw no solution. But the solution
is so plain....’
“He pointed toward the church, a white spot
showing through the trees.
“‘We, intelligent people,’” he said, “‘are
frightened, so to speak, by the beaten path, banality.
But,—we must drop our pride and fuse ...
or as Tolstoy once said,—partake of the common
cup, search with the humble faith of humanity ...
cease examining the foundations of life.... Like
Antaeus, so to speak, we must touch our common
mother....’
“He spoke rather nicely. His voice was so
sleepy and murmured like the bass in the episcopal
choir. I’ll tell you the truth: I felt envious....
Really you could feel the quiet and blessing....
As M. Budnikov said, it was worth while to fuse,
and all these searchings of the heart are healed as
by the holy oil. Suddenly I found the lost meaning.
I asked myself: what’s the use of these books?
Why all these notes, all this quiet life?... Why
is this bootmaker solemn and satisfied? Mikhailo
looks for no special meaning, but he floats along
with the general current of life, that is, he agrees
with its general significance and meaning. People
go maybe once a week into this little white building
which looks out so attractive through the trees;
they spend a little time in communion with some
mystery—and see, for a week they are supplied
with the idea of meaning.... And many live a
harder life than I do....
“There’s M. Budnikov.... Had he really
found this for himself and solved his troubles?
I almost asked, but our priest went by just then.
M. Budnikov bowed and he returned it pleasantly.
And he looked at me with questioning kindness....
Budnikov has been converted and may bring back
another wanderer. I answered the bow rather
warmly and gratefully, and again felt like asking
M. Budnikov, but another person of an entirely
different character put in an appearance....”
Pavel Semenovich thought for a moment and
then asked Petr Petrovich:
“Did Rogov ever study with you?”
“Rogov ... I don’t remember ... I’ve had
so many....”
“He was remarkable and our council often discussed
him.... His fate was peculiar.... You
see, the boy’s father was a rascal of the old school,
a slanderer, drunkard and a quarrelsome fellow,
and as much bothered by modern times as a wolf is
by hunters. He came too late. Rough manners unfitted
for the present times. He spent his last days
in trouble, poverty, and drunkenness. He always
thought that fate did not treat him fairly; people
got along well, but he, as he thought,—a model of
activity,—was dirty, hungry and oppressed....
And imagine,—this man had a family ... a wife
and son....
“The wife was irresponsible; her whole being
had been crushed in the full sense of the word, except
one corner of her soul. When anything concerned
her son, a door seemed to open into her completely
stupefied soul, which was like a citadel uncaptured
in the midst of a fallen city, and so much
wifely heroism came out through this gate that at
times the old ruffian and drunkard put his tail between
his legs. God knows what this cost her, but
she succeeded just the same in giving her son an
education. When I went to teach in Tikhodol, I
found this fellow in the last class. He was a bashful,
apparently modest boy and behaved quietly;
but his eyes had such an expression, strange, restrained;
I confess it made you uneasy: a curious
fire, like the flame of a restless, internal conflagration.
His thin, drawn face was always pale and a
crop of brown hair fell over his rough forehead.
He learned easily, made few friends among his
schoolmates, seemed to hate his father and loved
his mother almost abnormally.
“Now ... excuse me.... I must say a few
words about myself. Otherwise you won’t understand
a lot of what’s coming.... I’d only been
teaching a very few years and had the usual
idea.... I looked at my calling as noble, so to
speak, from the ideal point of view. My companions
seemed a holy regiment, yes ... the gymnasium
almost a temple.... You know, young
people feel that way and value it highly.... You
run to this light with every trouble and every question....
It’s the living soul of our business....
What shall I say, when he comes to you, a fellow
with his young soul under his uniform with all its
buttons sewed on.... I, the teacher, need him
with his questions and errors.... And he needs
me to search and study.... Honestly you want
to guide them....”
The narrator paused and continued in a low
voice:
“That’s the way it was with me.... I got intimate
with several boys from my classes, among them
Rogov.... Gave them books, and they visited me.
You understand, over a samovar, simply, heart to
heart. I remember this as the finest time of my
life.... Every time you open a new journal, you
find conversation, discussion, argument. I listened,
without interfering at first, to the way they wandered
and argued, and then I explained,—carefully
but pleasantly. You see, you get one thought and
then another, and again it comes so sharp that it
scratches you.... And you feel how you need to
restrain yourself and think and study. And you
grow with them.... And live....
“It didn’t last long. One day my director called
me in for a confidential conversation.... Well,
you know the rest.... This ‘extracurricular’ influence
of the leaders of youth does not enjoy protection.
Journals already!... The director, you
know him,—Nikolay Platonovich Popov,—is a fastidious
man.... He merely hinted and afterwards
acted as if he really knew nothing.... I almost got
angry; at first I even refused to obey, and appealed
to the highest understanding of my obligations.
Then ... I saw that it was no use. The main
point was that I wasn’t the only one getting talked
about: the boys were getting a bad reputation....
That was hard and difficult enough but what could
I say to my young disputants? How could I explain
it? I obeyed the evidently senseless and
humiliating order! This was the first blow that life
had dealt me and I did not notice at the time that
I had received a mortal wound.
“I obeyed and stopped my evening discussions.
I can conscientiously say that I thought even more
about them. But youths, you know, don’t obey
so easily and can’t understand the whole meaning.
One evening this Rogov came to me with a companion.
Secretly. Flushed faces, blazing eyes, and
a peculiar look.... I stopped this kind of fellowship.
‘No,’ I said, ‘gentlemen, we’d better stop
it.’ I saw that both boys were getting worked up.
Rogov began to say something, but he had a convulsion
of the throat and his eyes suddenly took
on an evil expression.... I found a way to justify
myself: I was afraid for them, especially for Rogov
and his mother.... You see, if our conspiracies
were discovered, his whole career—and his mother’s
heroism—would have gone for nothing. So I
yielded ... for the first time....
“In place of this I tried to make my lessons as
interesting as possible. My evenings were free....
It was boring. I’d begun to get accustomed
to my young circle. And now—nothing. I went
for my books. Worked like a dog and kept thinking:
this must be interesting to them; it will be new
and it answers such and such questions.... I read
and dug in my books, collected everything interesting,
attractive, that pushed apart the official walls
and the official lessons.... I kept thinking of
those conversations.... And I thought I was getting
results.... I remember the whole class almost
died from zeal.... Suddenly the director began
to attend the lessons. He’d come in, sit down, and
listen without saying a word.... You know what
happened next. You act as if it were nothing, but
both you and the class feel it’s not a lesson but a
sort of investigation.... Again delicate questions
on the side: ‘Really, excuse me, but where did you
get this? Out of what official text book? How do
you think this agrees with the courses of study?’
“I’ll be brief.... In a word, the enthusiasm
finally died out of me.... The class became
merely a class: the living people began to retire
further and further; they disappeared in a sort of
fog.... I lost intellectual contact. Remarks ...
plan ... the enumeration of the stylistic beauties
of a live work. In this there are twelve beauties.
First ... second ... and so on.... It fitted the
program.... That is, you understand, I didn’t
notice how I dried up just like Budnikov.
“Anyway this young fellow finished his course
and went to the capital.... He didn’t get into
the university right away. It was the time of secret
denunciations.... Perhaps my lectures were suspicious.
To sum up,—he lost a year. He wrote
his mother that he had entered and had a fellowship,
but he really beat his way along, was poor
and probably got disgusted. Then he began to
tramp. Suddenly he had a great sorrow: his
mother died before he could get home. As soon as
her son left home, she began to waste away....
The guiding star of her life, so to speak, disappeared
from the horizon—and she lost the power
of resistance. Died of consumption, you know,
quickly, almost gladly. ‘Vanya doesn’t need me
any more,’ she’d say. ‘I got him on the right track,
thank God. He’ll get along now.’ She said the
Nunc Dimittis and died. Soon after they found
the honored father in a ditch. And my Rogov was
an orphan....
“The old woman was really in too much of a
hurry; her son really needed her more than ever.
He learned well and eagerly, so to speak, without
wasting his time, as if he were hurrying somewhere.
When he heard of his mother’s death, something
broke in his soul.... In turn she seemed to have
been the only ideal in his life. ‘I’ll finish, get on
my feet, revive my shattered truth: even though
she’s ready to die, mother’ll know that there is
divine blessing, love, and gratitude.... For a
year, a month, even a week.... An instant even,
for her heart to be filled and melted with joy.’
Suddenly, in place of everything, the grave.... A
crash ... and it’s all over! There’s no need of
gratitude, nothing to go back to, to correct....
You’ve got to have strength to stand such a temptation
without being shattered.... You need faith
in the general meaning of life.... It mustn’t
seem to you but blind chance....
“He didn’t hold on. He had no support....
He changed, got rough, and began to drink in with
his wine a poisonous feeling of insult and of the
injustice of fate.... So it went. He threw up
his examinations—what was the use of getting a
diploma? He drifted along like an empty boat
on a river.... He came back to our city....
Perhaps he wanted to tie up by his mother’s grave....
But how could that help him?... If he’d
tried to find some meaning, that would have been
another thing.... And so ... he got in court a
certificate, ‘to travel’ on business, and followed his
father’s footsteps. He lived a dissolute life, spent
his time in saloons, with worthless people, and engaged
in business of the most shady character. One
year of this life,—and he’d become a drunken,
impudent bum, the enfant terrible of our peaceful
city, a menace to the citizens. The devil knows
how, but the bashful boy became insolent and diabolically
clever: every one in the city was afraid
of him.... It’s strange, but there isn’t a city in
Russia without its Rogov. A sort of a state character.
It was quiet everywhere, peaceful slumber,
idyllic calm, M. Budnikov walking along the
streets, obstinate, conceited, counting his steps....
Evenings, especially on holidays, these poetic murmurs,
and there’s a lot of noise from some saloon
like our ‘On the Crags,’ and some misshapen, sick
and desperate soul carousing.... Satellites
around, of course. This is a natural and necessary
detail to fill up the provincial corners, so to
speak....
“Rogov met me soon after he turned up.... He
bowed shyly and went to one side, especially when
he was drunk. One time I met him, spoke to him,
and asked him in.... He came ... sober, serious,
even bashful ... from old habit, of course....
But we didn’t stick together. Memories
parted us: I was a young teacher with a lively
faith in my calling, with lively feelings and words:
He was a young man, still pure and respecting my
moral authority.... Now he was Vanka Rogov, a
Tikhodol bum, engaged in shady business....
And I.... In a word, we seemed to be parted by
a solid wall: the main reason of all I won’t mention.
I felt that I had to shatter the barrier, tell him
something that would reach his soul and control
it as I used to.... He seemed to be waiting for
this in terror: waiting for the cruel blow....
His eyes showed his pain and expectation.... I
didn’t have the strength. It was gone, ... lost
probably when for the first time we parted in
shame....
“I had to watch like a sympathetic witness, so
to speak, how this young fellow degraded himself,
grew fast, drank, and defiled himself.... He got
insolent, lost all sense of shame. Then I heard
that Rogov was an extortioner and begging. Business
was poor; he was on the border between the
merely offensive and the criminal. He was as clever
as an acrobat and laughed at everything. In two
or three years he was absolutely transformed. He
had become a menacing, dirty, and very unpleasant
figure.
“Sometimes he’d come when he was drunk....
It’s strange: but I seemed to feel more at home
when he was that way.... It simplified matters,
his fault was evident, and it was easier to draw
a moral. I remember after one of his descents into
the loathsome, I said to him:
“‘This and that’s not right, Rogov.’
“He shrugged his shoulders, turned away his
eyes, as if he was afraid of a moral beating; then
he shook his hair, looked me straight in the eye, obviously
relying on his impudence:
“‘What’s wrong, Pavel Semenovich?’
“‘It’s disgraceful,’ I said.
“‘You know,’ he said, ‘I’ve changed one quarrelsome
goal for another not less quarrelsome. That
was wrong and now it’s disgraceful. My theory
works out all right for me,’ he said. ‘Honor and
everything like that is nothing but dessert. You
know it comes after dinner. If there’s no dinner,
what’s the use of dessert?...’
“‘But, remember, Rogov,’ I said, ‘why you have
no dinner.... You studied well, had a good start,
and then suddenly went wrong....’
“That moment I thought my statement was not
only convincing but incontrovertible.... And he
looked at me, laughed, and said:
“‘You’ve sometimes played billiards a little,
haven’t you?’
“‘Yes,’ I said, ‘I play for relaxation....’
“‘You know the downward stroke?’
“‘Yes.’ You know that’s a peculiar and paradoxical
shot. The ball first goes forward and then
it suddenly and apparently of its own accord rolls
back.... At first sight it seems incomprehensible
and a violation of the laws of motion, but it’s really
simple.
“‘Well, what do you think?’ he asked. ‘Has the
ball a will of its own? No.... It’s merely a
contest between two different motions.... One
rules in the beginning, the other later.... Now
you see,’ he said, ‘all her life my mother went
straight but father, as you know, spun around like
a top. That’s why I went straight at first, as long
as my mother’s impulse lasted.... I hadn’t gotten
my bearings, when I swung round to father’s pattern....
There’s my whole story....’
“He spoke frankly and hopelessly. He dropped
his head, shook his hair down over his face, and
then, when he looked at me again, I felt uneasy.
His eyes showed his pain. Did you ever see a sick
animal?... A dog,—usually an affectionate brute,
is willing then to bite its master.
“‘Now,’ he said, ‘whom do you think’s to
blame?’
“‘I don’t know, Rogov. I’m not your judge....
It’s not a question of blame....’
“‘Not of blame, what then? I think he’s to
blame who started me off with that shot.... That
means to condemn no one. I’m a case of downward
stroke in life.... I do the will of Him that sent
me.... So there you are, my dear Pavel Semenovich....
Have you got two grivens of silver? I
want to drown my sorrow....’
“This was the first time that he had asked
me for two grivens and I instantly felt that
the old barrier between us had been broken.
Now he could insult me as he would any one
else.
“I wanted to defend myself.
“‘No, Rogov. I won’t give you two grivens.
Come any time you feel like.... I’m glad to see
you.... But this is impossible....’
“He dropped his shaggy head, sat down, and
said dully:
“‘Yes, Pavel Semenovich. Excuse me. I’ll
come without begging. Yet to sit down with you,
I feel easier and free from my usual load.’
“He sat still. A long, strained silence ensued.
Then he said:
“‘There was a time ... when I hoped to receive
something from you.... You don’t know what
you meant to me. Even now I sometimes feel I
must see you. You’re waiting for something....
No.... It’s hopeless.... A downward stroke
and it’s all over....’
“‘Excuse me, Rogov,’ I said. ‘You’re really
misusing that example from billiards. You’re not
an ivory ball but a living man.’
“‘And for that reason, I feel.... As for a
ball,—wherever you send it,—into a pocket or a
hole, that ivory ball doesn’t care.... But a man,
most esteemed Pavel Semenovich, finds it hard to be
pocketed.... Do you think that any one willingly
and voluntarily refuses dessert?... I wouldn’t....
I’m a man with reflexes, as they say. I see
and examine my trajectory clear to the end....
I’ll become a pig of pigs and I can’t reform. At
times I think ... perhaps ... somehow ... somewhere
... there may be some ... point of support....
Sometimes you get irritated ...
really.... Where is truth ... reality?... Is there
such a thing, Pavel Semenovich?’
“‘Of course there is,’ I answered.
“‘How sincerely you spoke. There must be, of
course ... there is.... But where? Excuse me,
I don’t want to catch you.... You don’t know
yourself. You looked once and stopped. That’s
why I’ll only ask you for two grivens. Sometimes
I may be sitting by a fire.... You’re a man with
a soul.... Another time, perhaps, I’ll be able to
get more out of you....’
“‘Listen here,’ I said to him. ‘Think now, can
I really help you in any way?’ I felt that there
was something to him.... He was rather touched,
was not insolent.... He became thoughtful and
dropped his head.
“‘No,’ he replied, ‘it can’t be done. You’re
not to blame, friend. Because ... I, and every
one like me, is very greedy. Like swine we wallow
in the mire, and we want any one who helps us
to be whiter than snow.... You need a lot of
strength, friend. You haven’t enough.... A
storm is necessary.... To breathe fire....
There are miracles.... But you.... You’re not
angry at me?...’
“‘Angry? Why?’
“We both stopped talking. I had nothing to
say to him, he began again to walk around, but
he gradually recovered his former manner. He
came and sat down and he showed his brandy. The
next Saturday he came in the same condition and
sat down beside me on the steps. Just then the
bell rang for vespers. In a short time M. Budnikov
came out of the gate. Dandy, you know how he is,
stubborn as ever, perfectly self-satisfied.... He
breathes forth the consciousness of duty well done.
“I remember what an unpleasant effect he produced
upon me. Rogov’s face suddenly changed.
He jumped up, adopted a theatrical pose, took off
his cap, and said:
“‘To M. Budnikov, Semen Nikolayevich, on his
way to vespers is extended the most respectful
greeting of Vanka Rogov.
“Then with a sweeping wave of his cap, he began
to sing—from a well-known romance:
“‘I can n-no l-longer pay at all....
Remem-mber me, m-my friend beloved....’
“This buffoonery was too much.... I felt that I
disliked Budnikov, but yet.... He was insulting
a man on a point which from every angle and in
any case should have won his respect. Yelena
soon came out of the gate and also started for
church. He sang to me:
“‘Ophelia! Nymph! Remember me
In those most sacred prayers of thine.’
“This made me really angry. Yelena quailed
before the impudent stare and insolent, even if
unintelligible words. She dropped her head and
quickly walked to church.
“‘Listen, Rogov,’ I said. ‘You ought to be
ashamed of yourself! I must tell you ... if you
want to come here, I humbly beg you to act more
decently....’
“He turned and I saw in his eyes a peculiar
expression—of evil pain. He felt like biting me....
“I tried to soften the bitterness of my words and
said:
“‘Rogov, you don’t know these people, nor their
relations, and yet you venture to insult them....’
“He smiled at me and replied:
“‘You’re thinking of the idyl? The kindly
M. Budnikov made two hearts happy. Why, here’s
Gavryushenka.’
“In truth, Gavrilo had just come out of the gate.
Rogov beckoned to him rather hostilely....
“‘I congratulate you, Gavryushenka, ... on
your master’s leavings.... Wise fellow! You
knew where the crabs winter.... In case of necessity,
you may depend upon my legal knowledge....’
“Surprising how these cynics find things out.
Evidently Rogov knew the whole story and suspected
Gavrilo of having mercenary motives....
“He walked up and patted him on the shoulder....
Gavrilo got angry and pushed Rogov away
violently. Rogov almost fell down, laughed, and,
with pretended indifference, started along the path.
He came up to me, stopped and said:
“‘Most esteemed Pavel Semenovich.... I want
to ask you a question: haven’t you read ... it’s
in Xenophon ... the conversation between Alcibiades
and Pericles?... If you haven’t, I recommend
it most highly. Although it’s in a dead
language, it’s instructive.’
“He went off singing an indecent song. A little
while after I hunted up this dialogue. I wondered
what he meant....
“You know it’s a hard but a powerful piece.
The subject’s about like this: Young Alcibiades
went one day to Pericles.... Remember, Pericles
was already a famous man and enjoyed the confidence
of every one ... because of past services
and a certain air of benevolence.... Anyway his
position was secure. Alcibiades was a rascal,
worthless, drunkard, in all sorts of scandals with
Athenian girls, cut off dogs’ tails, as you know ...
A man of no reputation for well-doing. Well, one
day, this rogue of a young fellow went up to
Pericles and said: ‘Listen, Pericles, you’re a man
chock full of benefactions clear to the top of your
head, you may say. I’m wandering off the road
and twisting up everything, for I have nothing to
do. Every one’s angry at me. I want you to
explain everything to me.’ Pericles, of course, was
willing and thought it was a good idea to talk to
the young man. He might bring him to his senses.
So he said: ‘Go ahead and ask what you want.’
Then came the question: ‘What is doing well?
How do you learn it?’ Pericles, of course, laughed:
‘Honor the gods, obey the laws, and do your duty.
To obey the laws is the first duty of a citizen and
a man.’ ‘Fine,’ answered the young fellow. ‘Tell
me, please, which laws am I to obey: the bad or
the good ones?’ Pericles was almost insulted. ‘If
a law’s a law, it’s good. What are you talking
about?’ ‘No,’ said Alcibiades, ‘wait and don’t get
angry.’ ... You know at this time in Athens all
these principles were mixed up ... parties, struggle,
some robbing others, ostracism, a sort of banishment
by administrative order ... usurpers ...
favorites ... there really was confusion,—a man
jumped forward and drew up his own laws for his
own advantage or for his relatives and friends.
Then old gods were all mixed up, the oracles answered
anything, provided it didn’t apply to the
subject. In a word, everything that was clear in
life had become unclear: there was no equilibrium,
no generally acknowledged truth.... A new
system was necessary. Clouds covered the sky
and there were no stars to steer by.... That was
why Alcibiades asked what laws should be obeyed;
those which prescribe good or bad. Of course,
Pericles answered the good. ‘How can I tell which
are good? What is the mark, so to speak?’ ‘Obey
all! That’s what laws are for!...’ ‘That means
laws passed by the power of tyrants?’ ‘No, you
don’t need to obey those....’ ‘I see, only lawful
laws, so to speak. Fine! But suppose the
minority coerces the majority to its own advantage,
don’t I need to obey those laws?’ ‘Of course not.’
‘But if the majority coerce the minority, is that
contrary to right?...’ You see what the young
fellow was driving at: he didn’t need external
signs, but he showed that he needed to feel in his
soul universal truth, the highest truth, so to speak,
the truth of life, sanctity.... Pericles, you see,
hadn’t understood this.... Not merely Pericles,
the whole country rested on slavery, on past wrong....
Religion had dried up, the old sanctity which
had consecrated every step, every motion, the whole
order, all human relationships,—people had ceased
to feel it.... But Pericles argued around....
He didn’t want to confess that their laws had died....
He patted the dissolute young fellow on the
shoulder with a great deal of condescension and
said: ‘Yes, yes.... I see you’ve got a head on
your shoulders. Years ago we used to settle such
hard questions.’ ... Well, Alcibiades saw that
Pericles was, so to speak, a recognized authority,
was quibbling over trifles, didn’t treat these conflicts
as anything alive,—and waved his hand. ‘I’m
sorry, my dear sir, that I didn’t know you then....
Now I’m bored; I’m going to fool along.’
“And that’s what he recommended to me, his
former teacher....”
The narrator stopped. The train, which was
approaching another station, began to slow down.
Petr Petrovich reached out his hand and said, as
he took his blue cap with a cockade from the
hook:
“I’m going again to get something to eat....
I confess, my dear Pavel Semenovich, I don’t see
what you’re driving at.... Excuse me, it’s not
philosophy, and God only knows what you are after.
We began with Budnikov. All right, we know him....
Now the devil knows who this Rogov is, a
worn-out rogue, and now I don’t know whether
you’re talking of Xenophon or Alcibiades....
Cutting off dogs’ tails.... The devil knows what
you mean.... Kindly allow me to ask how all
this concerns me.... Just as you wish.... I’d
better go and get some more vodka....”
He put on his cap, and, holding on to the wall
because of the jolting of the train, he went out
of the compartment. Just at that moment the
fourth passenger on the other upper bench stirred.
He had been lying in the shadow, smoking now and
then, and he seemed to be interested in the story.
He got down, took a seat beside us and said:
“Excuse me, I haven’t the honor of being acquainted,
but I couldn’t help hearing your story
and it interested me. So, if you have no objections.”
Pavel Semenovich looked at him. He was a
cultured man, carefully dressed, with intelligent
eyes which looked steadily through a pair of gold
glasses which he was constantly adjusting.
“Yes?” said Pavel Semenovich. “I see, you
heard this....”
“Yes. It interested me.... Your point of
view, I confess, I don’t understand fully....”
“Really, it wasn’t any too clear.... I meant
... that in reality everything is so related....
And this mutual relationship....”
“Presupposes mutual responsibility?”
Pavel Semenovich’s face suddenly beamed with
joy.
“There! You understand it?... Yes, general....
Not before Ivan or Petr.... Everything is
connected, so to speak.... One man carelessly
throws away a brandy cork and another slips on it
and breaks his leg.”
The new acquaintance listened attentively. Just
then Petr Petrovich came back. He had been mistaken
as to the place and with an ironical glance
at both, he said, as he hung up his cap:
“Well, now,—what do you want with a cork?”
“No, Petr Petrovich,” said Pavel Semenovich
seriously, “you’re wrong.... The question is, so
to speak——”
“You find questions everywhere in the simplest
things,” said Petr Petrovich. “Don’t bother about
me. You’ve got a large enough audience.”
“Go on, please,” said the gentleman with the
gold glasses.
“If you wish.... I’ll be more than glad, for
I’ve got to get it off my mind. I stopped——”
“You stopped,” said Petr Petrovich laughingly,
“with Alcibiades.... A story, so to speak, from
the Ancient Times. Now for the Middle Ages....”
Pavel Semenovich paid no attention to this sally
and turned to the new member of the group:
“You see how it was. The thing was this way:
Gavrilo was married and living by himself.... In
M. Budnikov’s table still lay the ticket with the
two lines.... There were ugly rumors about it
and, of course, they were exaggerated. Gavrilo was
the only one who didn’t know of them. He kept
on working as before, did all he could, and tried....
He was a muscular symphony in performance,
with his eyes full of general satisfaction and good
humor....
“And then Rogov suddenly turned up. He was
walking along the path by the yard; he stopped,
thought a moment, and called Gavrilo.
“He was a good-hearted Russian.... He had
pushed Rogov away a little while before, but afterwards
he thought no more of it. ‘What do you
want?’ he asked. ‘Come here, it’s something that
concerns you. You’ll thank me for it.’
“I’ll confess, something warned me. I felt like
calling to Rogov and stopping him, for I was sure
he was up to some mischief. But it was after
the Alcibiades episode ... and I had no hope in
my influence. I stayed at the window. I saw
Gavrilo leave his shovel, go up and listen. At first
his face showed that he did not comprehend and
almost did not care. Then, with the same air of
uncertainty, he took off his apron, went into the
house, put on his cap and rejoined Rogov. Both
walked down the street and turned down the hill
toward the river. A moment later Yelena came
out to the gate, stood and looked after the two men....
Her eyes looked sad and frightened....
“From that day on Gavrilo’s character changed
sharply. He came back apparently rather drunk....
Perhaps from vodka, perhaps from the weight
of an unbearable burden which Rogov had suddenly
put on his shoulders.... In the first place, the
amount was absolutely staggering: a mountain of
money more than he could count. Then the source
of the wealth reminded him of Yelena’s past.
Finally he couldn’t understand why she had never
mentioned it and this may have given rise to evil
suspicions.... You see it was like an explosion in
his mind.... Those two lines which M. Budnikov
had made on the ticket kept sinking deeper and
deeper into Gavrilo’s soul.... The simple-hearted
man was absolutely upset. The whole symphony
of directness and labor was suddenly interrupted....
Gavrilo wandered around in confusion, as if
he had been poisoned....
“It began to break him down.... At first he
walked about grimly with his face clouded. His
work began to fall from his hands: he threw down
his axe and broke his spade.... Just like a well-built
machine into which some one has hurled a
bolt.... When Budnikov in surprise began to
administer mild rebukes, that shovels cost money
and he would have to take it out of Gavrilo’s wages,
that easy-going man answered with unintelligible
and unreasonable rudeness.... And Yelena wept
more and more....
“Then Gavrilo began to drink and carouse and
his usual abode became the dirty den, the ‘Crags’
on the bank, on the sand near the wharf.... This
was a small wooden house with a second floor, dark,
tilting to one side and propped up with beams.
You could see it from the bank; evenings there
were usually two lighted windows and the open
door, cymbals clashed, and there was a lot of
fiddling to amuse the guests.... From time to
time, you could hear confused shouts—both songs
and quarrels and calls for the police. It was an
eternally restless place and rather threatening.
The very antithesis of the drowsy country life....
Bargemen from our modest and usually idle wharf,
workmen from the brickyards like moles which had
burrowed in the damp clay, professional beggars
... in a word, the homeless, unfortunate, dissipated,
and evil. Even the decent members of the
proletariat shunned this place. And that’s where
Rogov took Gavrilo. And Yelena was the next to
learn the road to the ‘Crags’ so as to bring her
husband home....
“She did this surprisingly modestly, quietly, yes,
even beautifully. Once I was coming home from
my lessons and as I entered the gate I saw Yelena
running toward me and fastening a kerchief on
her head.
“‘Where are you going, Yelena?’
“A moment’s hesitation.
“‘You haven’t seen Gavrilo Stepanich go this
way, have you?’ she asked.
“‘He must have.... But you shouldn’t go
there, Yelena.’
“I wanted to stop her.... But she swept past
me angrily and with some apparent pride went
to look for Gavrilo Stepanich, her husband, and
she was his lawful wife.... In a half-hour I saw
her bringing Gavrilo Stepanich by the arm. He
was leaning on her but walking and looking straight
ahead with dull, faded and perplexed eyes. But
he was walking. By the gate he suddenly straightened
up, pushed away her hand and stared at her....
His face was dark, but his faded eye had a
decided look....
“‘Who are you? Tell me who you are?...
Oh?’
“She stopped and dropped her hand in despair.
I thought of that spring morning and their mutual
oaths: ‘Remember God, Gavrilo Stepanich!’ I
was terrified: he’ll forget right now, this very
minute, I thought.... Suddenly a spark of
knowledge flickered up in his foolish face and
he swallowed hard. He didn’t say a word but
went to his rooms silently.... She followed him
in terror, respectfully and humbly....
“So it went on: Rogov would beckon to Gavrilo,
and he’d go off and begin to carouse. This man
got enormous power over Gavrilo, and Yelena objected,
humbly, respectfully, timidly, but constantly.
She probably looked upon all this as a
punishment sent to her as an atonement for her
‘sin.’ She grew thin, her nice plumpness disappeared,
her eyes sank deeper in her head.... But
when I looked at them I never could decide to
call them stupid. Her suffering was always wonderfully
intelligent like that of a bird.... She’d
go to the saloons after her drunken husband, every
one would laugh at her on the street, and make
rough jokes about her.... She felt no shame for
herself.... Only once she whispered: ‘That’s not
right, Gavrilo Stepanich, people are looking at
you....’
“One time when she was taking him back from
the ‘Crags,’ he broke away from her, ran up to
Budnikov’s door and began to kick it wildly.
Yelena almost dropped, and, as if she did not have
the strength to go after him, she watched him like
a man with the nightmare, who sees coming at
him something terrible which he has been expecting
but he can’t struggle against it.... The door
suddenly opened and M. Budnikov appeared....
Calm and haughty with an air of absolute superiority.
To tell you the truth, I was somewhat surprised....
Anyway, it was a delicate situation.
I didn’t know the details at the time, but I felt
there was something wrong and mistaken....
Suddenly clearness of vision, quiet, calm. And it
wasn’t put on. No,—that was easy to see....
It was merely absolute imperturbability.
“‘What do you want, Gavrilo?’ he said. ‘What
are you kicking for? Don’t you know how to
ring?... You see, here’s the bell....’
“He pointed to the bell handle. Gavrilo looked
at it and became confused. Yes, there was a knob
and there was really no reason to kick.... M.
Budnikov continued from the top step:
“‘Anyway, what are you thinking about and
what do you want of me, you r-rascal? Have I
insulted you, dealt unjustly with you, held up your
pay for even one day? Yet you kicked.... All
right, here I am.... What do you want?’
“Gavrilo didn’t say a word....
“‘Well, then, I’ll tell you a thing or two myself:
the shovel’s broken again, the walk isn’t swept, the
horse hasn’t been watered.... The horse is a
dumb animal and can’t talk ... but just the same
it’s alive and feels.... Hear it whinney?...’
“This argument so overwhelmed Gavrilo that
he turned, thoroughly and definitely crushed, and
went straight to the stable. In a minute, just as
if he were sober, he took the horse to the trough....
M. Budnikov quietly locked his door and came
out. As he came past my wall he guessed that I
had seen the whole affair, stopped, and with a sad
shake of his head, remarked:
“‘Yes, every one’s talking of the people, the
people.... How do they fall in love with
them?...’”
“The scandal began to attract attention. It was
talked about in the city. Various opinions were
held. Some defended Budnikov. Was it worth
while to believe mere rumors? Really no one knew
anything. Some were stupid stories; others, evident
scandals and an unseemly breaking of the general
quiet.... But there was another side. People of
the lower classes sympathized with Gavrilo. They
thought that the wise and strong M. Budnikov
must have filched from Gavrilo some sort of a
talisman and was now committing sorcery so that
the talisman would lose its power.... So dozens
of eyes were turned to the windows of M. Budnikov
and looked at him as he passed, stubbornly and
calmly, apparently unaware of the cloud of misunderstanding,
suspicion, condemnation, question,
... yes, sin, which trailed after him. Every look
expressed an evil thought and every heart was
heating with an evil feeling.... It was a peculiar
sort of dark cloud.... Hundreds of individual
spiritual movements, confused, unclear, but evil....
And all aimed at one centre....
“I must say Budnikov had been rather popular
and enjoyed the respect of all.... Even Rogov,
when he happened to pass our yard and saw M.
Budnikov with a shovel or rake, always stopped
and said:
“‘M. Budnikov, Semen Nikolayevich, is working....
He who works shall eat.’
“Or:
“‘M. Budnikov is helping his neighbor, the
porter, with the work of his hands. Most laudable!’
“Then he passed on as by an object to which he
was indifferent or at which he was pleasantly
amused.
“Now, that was all changed.... It gave me a
physical sensation ... like a nightmare. As if
those two lines ... or something in the character
of M. Budnikov had polluted the atmosphere....
It was almost an hallucination.... You’re going
to or from the gymnasium ... thinking out your
remarks.... You suddenly feel that M. Budnikov
is following you with his measured tread and his
self-satisfaction that comes from a consciousness
of duty performed.... Or you’re giving a lesson
or reading necessary notices and you absolutely
hear Budnikov’s accents in your own voice ...
when he lays down to a beggar rules for work or
preaches a moral to Gavrilo over the broken shovel
or advises me: ‘Lay aside pride and be
humble.’ ...
“In this ordinary thing, this humble and apparently
quiet life of peaceful corners, there’s
something terrible, ... specific, so to speak, not
easily noticeable, gray.... Really where are the
rascals, sacrifices, the right, the wrong?... You
so want the fog to be pierced by even one ray of
living, absolute truth, which will not be founded on
pencil lines, but will be actually able to solve the
riddle absolutely and completely ... the real
truth, which even Rogov will acknowledge....
Do you understand?
“‘I think I do,’ said the gentleman in the glasses
seriously.
“Apparently M. Budnikov began to feel that
something was wrong. He cleaned up but, as often
happens, he didn’t find the real question.... He
came to me once on the usual day, the twentieth.
You understand I gave him tea as usual.... He
drank it as usual, but his expression was different.
Sad and solemn. He finished his business, carefully
put away the money in his pocketbook,
marked it down, but didn’t leave.... He began to
talk round the bush ... about the abnormality of
his life, ... in particular about his loneliness,
some mistake caused by prejudice and pride....
Then he got talking of Yelena and Gavrilo. Gavrilo
had turned out to be utterly worthless and Yelena
had made a mistake and was very unhappy....
He felt responsible for letting her marry, but it was
hard to correct it.... It was harder still to fix
it up with money.... What good is money in
the hands of a drunkard? And so on. All these
subterfuges showed me that M. Budnikov wanted
to solve the whole riddle by recreating the original
situation, so to speak,—that is, to divorce Yelena
from Gavrilo and marry her himself.... That
meant those two lines would be wiped out and
disappear.... Apparently ... he had already
talked of this with several people, among them
Father Nikolay.... Now he wanted my advice....
“‘Have you spoken to Yelena about this?’ I
asked.
“‘No, not yet.... I, perhaps, you may notice,
don’t even go to see her, so as not to make trouble....
But I know what she needs.... I have no
reason to doubt....’
“I tried to advance certain points, but M. Budnikov
wouldn’t listen.... He soon said good-by
and left.... As if he feared for the integrity of
his whole plan of action....
“A little while after, when Gavrilo was away,
some women of the parish began to bob up at
Yelena’s and Budnikov received members of the
consistory. Twice, toward evening, I saw Rogov
leave Budnikov’s.... Then I thought: so that’s
what my young fellow is after; I see now why
he’s ruining Gavrilo; he’s fixing it so M. Budnikov
can arrange the divorce....
“The whole situation seemed to me so disgraceful
and hopeless that I began to think of moving and
simply getting away from the whole thing.... I
couldn’t sleep.... Again I began to walk around
the garden. Once I found Yelena in it.... She
was lying on that same bench where I sat that
spring morning.... It was fall now.... Everything
was dying and growing bare.... Autumn,
you know, is a terrible cynic. The wind breaks off
the leaves and laughs. They were lying on the
muddy, damp earth. And a woman was lying on
the damp bench with her face down and crying.
Yes, she was crying bitterly.... Later I found
out why: the arrangement of M. Budnikov was absolutely
impersonal. When she heard this proposition
she merely clasped her hands: ‘Let the earth
swallow me up, let me dry up like a chip.’ ... And
so on.... ‘You’d better bury me alive with Gavrilo
Stepanich.’ ... And Gavrilo Stepanich didn’t
spend the night at home. That former pure happiness
had perished and she didn’t know what to
do. A ticket ... two lines ... friends from the
church, Budnikov, Rogov. She was stupid and
obedient and afraid that something would be done
against her will....
“I walked up to her ... wanted to comfort
her. When I touched her and felt her body tremble
beneath my touch ... it seemed to me such a
stupid performance that I trembled, as if from
impotent pity....
“I went away.... I forgot the whole thing and
wanted to drop it and leave. If M. Budnikov
passed ... let him pass.... If Rogov was engaged
in dirty business, let him! If stupid Yelena
wanted a drunken husband, let her have one....
What did I care? What difference did it make who
got the ticket with the two lines, to whom those
stupid lines gave rights?... Everything was incomplete,
accidental, disconnected, senseless and
disgusting....”
Pavel Semenovich stopped and looked out of the
window as if he had forgotten the story....
“Well, how did it end?” asked our new companion
cautiously.
“End?” The narrator woke up. “Of course,
everything on the earth ends some way. This ended
stupidly and simply. One night ... my bell rang.
Sharply, anxiously, nervously.... I jumped up
in fright, put on my slippers ... went out on the
steps ... there was no one there. But it occurred
to me that Rogov was around the corner. I thought
he must have been passing drunk and ugly and
wanted to annoy me by coming at this time....
He remembered that I was asleep and he, Vanichka
Rogov, my favorite pupil, was drunk on the street
and wanted to inform me of it. I closed the door,
went back to bed, and fell asleep. The bell rang
again. I didn’t get up. Let him ring.... It
rang again and again.... No, this must be something
else. I put on my overcoat.... Opened the
door. There stood the night watchman. His beard
was covered with frost. ‘Please,’ he said.
“‘Where do you want me to go, brother?’ I
asked.
“‘To Semen Nikolayevich, M. Budnikov....
They’ve had ... trouble....’
“Without understanding anything, I dressed
mechanically and went. A clear cold night, and
late.... There were lights in the windows of M.
Budnikov, whistles along the street.... What a
stir for night.... I went up the steps and entered.
The first thing that caught my eye was the face
of Semen Nikolayevich, M. Budnikov.... Absolutely
different, not at all like what he was before.
He was lying on his pillow and looking somewhere
into space.... That was so strange.... I stopped
at the door and thought: ‘What’s this? I used
to know him but he’s suddenly changed.... This
isn’t the man who came once a month and drank
two glasses of tea. Who worried over Yelena’s
divorce, but it’s some one with other thoughts. He
lay immovable, important, but he didn’t look at us
or any one, and he seemed so different.... He
was afraid of no one and judged every one; himself,
that is, the old Semen Nikolayevich, and Gavrilo,
Yelena, Rogov, and ... yes, me too.... I suddenly
understood....
“Then I saw Gavrilo. By the window, in a
corner, grieved but quiet.... As I suddenly
understood, I walked up to him and said:
“‘Did you do this?’
“‘Of course, Pavel Semenovich, I did.’
“‘Why?’
“‘I don’t know, Pavel Semenovich....’
“Then the doctor attracted my attention. He
told me that there was no help.... People kept
walking and driving up, coming in, sitting down,
and writing statements.... It seemed so strange
that the young prosecutor, such a careful and reliable
man, should give orders not to let Gavrilo and
Yelena go and to hold some sort of an investigation....
I remember his smile when I asked him the
reason for it.... I’ll admit it was a strange question
but I thought that this procedure was unnecessary....
When they started to take Gavrilo
and Yelena away I involuntarily got up and asked
if they were going to take me.... I later heard
rumors that something was wrong with me. That
was false. My head was never so clear.... The
prosecutor was surprised. ‘If I may give you advice,
you need to drink some water and go to bed.’
‘But Yelena?’ I asked; ‘why her?’ ‘We will hope,’
he answered, ‘that everything will turn out in a
way that’s best for her, but now ... at the first
inquiry ... it is my painful duty.’ ... I still
thought he was acting wrongly....
“The two were taken away. I went back to my
rooms and sat down on the steps. It was cold....
A clear, autumn, quiet night with a clear, white
frost.... The stars were sparkling and whispering
in the sky. They had such a special expression
and meaning.... You could hear their mysterious
whisper, though you couldn’t make out
what they said.... It was both a distant tremor
of alarm and also quiet and neighborly sympathy.
“I really wasn’t surprised when Rogov came up
quietly and timidly sat down beside me on the
steps. He sat a long time without saying a word....
I don’t remember whether he did say anything,
but I knew the whole story.... He had no
thoughts of murder. He wanted ‘to win Yelena’s
case with M. Budnikov’ for himself. He had to
get hold of the ticket, on which, as he supposed,
was an endorsement.... This clever scheme
pleased him: to get hold by illegal means of the
proof of a legal right. He saw something humorous
in it. The illegal procuring of legal proof in the
form of a hypothetical endorsement.... That’s
why he worked his way into Budnikov’s confidence
through the business of the divorce.... He found
out everything about the place and sent one of
his obedient clients from the ‘Crags’ to take the
proper box. Gavrilo was to open the door of
M. Budnikov’s apartment with a second key, which
Budnikov, through strange oversight, had failed to
take back from him. Instead of waiting at the
door, Gavrilo had gone upstairs. I could have
sworn I had seen him walk along with his heavy
tread, his dark head, and the deep hatred in his
soul.... And how he reached the door and how
M. Budnikov awoke and apparently was not even
frightened but suddenly understood the whole
situation.
“I still saw that moment in the past, when two
students ran into my rooms on just such a bright
night, and I faced them in my shame and weakness....
What a fire ... evil and sarcastic ...
was blazing in the eyes of one....
“It seemed to me that I had discovered that
which was the bond of union among all things:
these lofty, flashing stars, the living murmur of the
wind among the branches, my memories, and this
deed.... When I was young I had often had this
sensation.... When my fresh mind was trying to
solve all questions and gain a larger truth. Another
time you will seem to be right at the threshold
and everything is about to be cleared up, when it
all vanishes.
“We sat a long time. Finally Rogov got up.
“‘Where are you going now?’ I asked.
“‘I don’t know,’ was the answer, ‘what I must
do.... I think I’ll have to join Gavrilo and
Yelena....’
“There he stood. I understood so much more
clearly than usual, and I suddenly realized that he
was waiting for me to shake hands. I held out
my hand and he suddenly seized it, and it was a
long time before he let it go....
“He broke away and left ... straight down the
street. I looked after him, as long as I could make
out the slender figure of my former pupil....”
For some time the silence in the compartment
was interrupted only by the rattling of the train
and a long whistle. The door slammed, and a
conductor walked along the corridor and called
out:
“Station of N-sk. Ten minutes’ wait.”
Pavel Semenovich hurriedly got up, picked up
a small valise, and, with a sad smile at his audience,
he got out of the train. I began to make preparations
to leave and so did the gentleman in the gold
glasses. Petr Petrovich remained alone. He looked
after Pavel Semenovich and, when the door was
shut behind him, he smiled at the gentleman in the
gold glasses, shook his head, and, running his finger
around his forehead, he said:
“He always was a crank.... Now I think he’s
not all there. I’ve heard that he threw up his
position and now goes around and gives private
lessons.”
The gentleman in the gold glasses looked steadily
at him but said nothing.
We got out of the train.
From the point of view of a reporter the case
was uninteresting. The jurors acquitted Gavrilo
(Yelena was not tried); Rogov was convicted of
being the instigator, but mercy was recommended.
The judge several times had to stop the witness
Pavel Semenovich Padorin, former teacher, who
constantly wandered away from facts, in order to
express opinions which were irrelevant and had
nothing to do with the case....