Aurora, unable to see beyond the footlights, had never dreamed but Gerald was
among the audience. Her capers had at moments been definitely directed at him.
Discovering that he had kept away, she was not so much hurt as puzzled.
“Who’d have thought he cared enough about it to be so
mean!” she said to herself. “Well,” she said further,
“let him alone. He’ll come round in a day or two.”
She really expected him that same day. When he did not come, or the day
after, or the day after that, she tried to recall passage for passage their talk
on the subject of the show. She did not remember his saying anything that
amounted to giving her a choice between renouncing it or renouncing his
friendship.
Then she reviewed all she knew of him; and his present conduct, if he were by
this avoidance trying to punish her for doing what it was the prerogative of her
native independence to do, did not seem in accordance with his known regard for
the rights of others.
Aurora did not know what to think. From hour to hour she looked for a call, a
message, a letter, and because the time while waiting seemed long, she neglected
to note that the actual time elapsed was not more than Gerald had sometimes
allowed to pass without her attributing his silence to offence. He had his work,
he had other friends; Abbé Johns might be in town again visiting him. This
silence, 268however,
had a different value, she thought, from other silences. They had seemed so much
better friends after their confidences that long evening over the fire; she
expected more of him than she had done before it.
At other moments she was disposed to find fault with herself. She supposed
she was a big coarse thing, unable to appreciate the feelings of a man who
apparently hadn’t as many thicknesses of skin as other folks.
It was at such a moment, when she made allowances for him, that she thought
of writing, making it easy for him to drop his grouch and return. But here
Aurora felt a difficulty. Aurora thought well, in a general way, of her powers
as a letter-writer, and she was proud of her beautifully legible Spencerian
hand; but for such a letter as she wished to send Gerald fine shades of
expression were needed beyond what she could compass. She was fond of Gerald; in
this letter she must not be too fond, yet she must be fond enough. What hope
that a blockhead would strike the exact middle of so fine a line?
She could obviate the difficulty by sending him a formal invitation to
dinner. But suppose she should receive formal regrets?
After that the whole thing must be left to him; the tactful letter meant to
hurry him back would no longer be possible.
“Oh, bother!” said Aurora, and formed a better, bolder plan.
Aurora had not seen the plays, had not read the books, where the going of the
heroine to visit the hero at his house for whatever good reason under the sun
has such damaging results for her fair fame. Aurora was innocent of good
society’s hopeless narrowness on the subject. If she made 269a secret of her plan to
Estelle it was merely because Estelle had permitted herself wise words one day,
warnings, with regard to Gerald, in whom she specifically did not wish her
friend to “become interested.”
“You’re too different,” Estelle had said.
“You’re like a fish and a bird. I won’t say I don’t like
him. He’s nice in a way, but it’s not our way, Nell. You’d be
miserable with him, first or last.”
“My dear,” Aurora had replied, “if you knew the sort of
thing we talk about when you’re not there you wouldn’t worry. If you
can see Gerald Fane in the part of my beau you must be cracked. And if you think
I’m soft on him, you’re only a little bit less cracked. Can’t
you see we’re just friends? It’s nice for him to come here and
it’s nice for us to have him. We want friends, don’t we?”
“All I say is don’t go ahead with your eyes shut till you find
before you know it that you’re landed in a case of, ‘Mother, I can’t
live without him!’ For, Nell, it won’t do, you know it
won’t.”
“My dearest girl, of course I know, but not half so well as he knows!
Bless you, Hat, do you forget all Leslie told us about him and his affair? And
do you forget my little affair? Do you suppose either of us wants to try
again?”
“Indeed, I hope you will try again, both of you. But not together,
Nell. I’ve got the man all picked out for you; you know perfectly I mean
Tom Bewick. There’s the one for you, Nell. Big, healthy, kind. Good sense.
Good temper. Your own kind of person, Nell, and not a queer bird from a
menagerie. Don’t go and spoil everything by getting tangled up over here.
You know as well 270as
I do that Gerald Fane, take him just as a man, can’t hold a candle to
Doctor Tom.”
“I’ve never thought of comparing them. I don’t see any use
in doing it. Tom’s Tom and Gerald’s Gerald. So far as Gerald goes,
you can set your heart at rest and bank on this: I know just as well as you do,
and he knows just as well as I do, that we couldn’t pull in harness
together any more than–just as you say, a fish and a bird. Neither of us
is thinking of such a thing. But why mustn’t a fish and a bird have
anything to say to each other? He might like the cut of her fins and she might
fancy the color of his wings. They could sympathize together, couldn’t
they, if nothing else?” Aurora’s eyebrows had with this tried to
signify her entire capacity to take care of herself and her own business.
But not wishing to rouse any further uneasiness in her friend, she no more
after that spoke frankly of Gerald whenever he came into her mind. And when she
declined Estelle’s invitation to go with her to Mlle. Durand’s,
where she would hear the pupils of the latter recite Corneille and Racine, she
did not tell her what she had planned to do instead, fully intending, however,
to reveal it later.
Gerald meanwhile did not flatter himself imagining Aurora unhappy because he
stayed away longer than had lately been quite usual. Time dragged with him, but
the calendar told him that just so many days, no more, had passed. He pictured
her going her cheerful gait, occasionally saying, perhaps, “I wonder what
has become of Stickly-prickly?”
He had not gone to the mid-Lent entertainment as a matter of course. Aurora
had shown small knowledge 271of him when she thought he would consent to see her
disport herself before the public as a negress. On the day after, when he
learned that she had been the star of the evening as a negro, his frenzied
disgust itself warned him of the injustice, the impropriety, of exhibiting it to
her. He chose to remain away until it should have sufficiently worn down to be
governable. By that time the poor man had developed an illness, that cold of
which for some weeks he had been carrying around in his bones the
premonition.
With reddened eyelids and thickened nose, a sore throat and a cough, he felt
himself no fit object for a lady’s sight. He stayed in to take care of
himself.
Giovanna knew what to do for her signorino when he was
raffreddato. She built a little fire in the studio; she brought his light
meals to him in his arm-chair before it. She administered remedies. His bed was
warmed at night by her scaldino. Gaetano was sent to Vieusseux’s
for an armful of books. All day Gerald sat by the fire and read, and sometimes
dozed and dreamed, and read again. And days passed, while his cold held on.
He thought of writing Aurora to tell her. But if he told her, she would at
once come to see him; of so much one could be sure. And he did not want her to
come. The eccentric fellow did not want her to come precisely because he wanted
her to come so much.
“This is the way it begins,” he said to himself, with horror,
when he became fully aware that his nerves, now that he could not go to find
Aurora when he chose, were suggesting to him all the time that the presence of
Aurora was needed to quiet that sense of want, of maladjustment to conditions,
haunting him like the desire for sleep.
272At sight of his
danger he became very clear-headed. The man who sees a snare and walks into it
deserves his fate, surely.
“It is time to stop it,” he said. And he laid down for himself
new rules of life.
Fortunately, he had at hand some absorbing books. Dostoiewsky’s
“Crime and Punishment” could effectively take him out of
himself.
But the print was fine and crowded, he was weakened by illness, he was forced
now and then to stop and rest with swimming head. Then at once would return,
like the demon in fair disguise tempting some hermit of the desert, the thought,
“What is Aurora doing? If Aurora knew I was ill, she would come.”
And the imagination of her coming would shed a feverish gladness all along
those petulant, ill-treated, starved nerves. “What have I to do with
Aurora, or Aurora with me?” he would ask, furiously, the incongruity of
what had happened to him calling forth sometimes a desperate laugh. But Nature
laughs at man’s ideas of congruity; remembering that, he could only hold
his hands against his eyes and try to press the image of Aurora out of
existence.
Gerald, however, was much stronger than his nerves. He could see his own
case, even with a pulse at ninety, as well as another man’s. And his will
was firmer than might have been thought. He knew something of a human
man’s constitution, how it can circumvent a man, or how a man, well on his
guard, can circumvent it. He formed the project of interrupting his visits to
the Hermitage.
After this resolution he regarded those returns of earth-born desire for
Aurora’s balmy touch and tranquilizing 273neighborhood as a man who had taken an heroic and
sure remedy against ague might regard the fluctuations in his body of heat and
cold continuing still for a little while. As to how Aurora would take his
defection, all should be managed with so much art and politeness that the most
sensitive could not be hurt. By the time the new important work which he would
make his excuse was accomplished, his cure would have been accomplished as
well.
Meanwhile, each time the door-bell rang–it was not often,
certainly–his attention was taken from his book, and he listened. And so,
on Mlle. Durand’s French afternoon, Gerald, having heard the bell, was
listening, but with his face to the fire and his back to the door. When Giovanna
knocked, “Forward!” he said, without turning. The door opened.
“C’è quella signora.” “There is that
lady,” dubiously announced Giovanna.
Gerald turned, and beheld that lady filling the doorway.
Then it was as if a bright trumpet-blast of reality, breaking upon a bad
dream, dispelled it; or as if a fresh wind, blowing over stagnant water, swept
away the cloud of noxious gnats. All he had latterly been thinking and feeling
seemed to Gerald insane, sickly, the instant he beheld Aurora’s comradely
smile. He was ashamed; he found himself on the verge of stupid, unexplainable
tears.
“Well!” said Aurora.
At the sound they were placed back on the exact footing of their last
meeting, before thinking and conjecturing about each other in absence had built
up between them barriers of illusion.
“Well!” he said, but less pleasantly, because he was mortified by
the awareness of himself as an uninviting 274sight, with his old dressing-gown, neglected beard,
and the unpicturesque manifestations of a cold.
But Aurora’s face was reassuring; she did not confuse him with the
accidents of his dressing-gown and beard and cold. Aurora’s face beamed,
so much was she rejoicing in her own excellent sense, which had told her that
one look at each other would do a thousand times more to make things right
between them than innumerable letters could have done.
“I didn’t know what to think,” she said, “so I came
to find out. First I’d think you were mad at me, then I’d think you
had gone away and written me, and the letter hadn’t reached me, Gaetano
had lost it on the road. Then I’d think you might be sick, and there was
nobody to let your friends know. I don’t know what I didn’t think
of. What made you not send me word?”
“I did not know you would be uneasy. I did not rightly measure, it
seems, the depth of your kindness. I should certainly have written to you before
long in case I had continued unable to go to see you.”
“How long have you been sick?”
“I am not sick, dearest lady. I only have a cold. In order to make it
go away more quickly I have to remain in the house. But how good, how very good
of you to come! Sit down, please do, and warm yourself. I will ring for
Giovanna, and she will make us some tea.”
Aurora, smiling all the time with the pleasure she felt in not finding him
angry or estranged or in any way altered toward her, took the arm-chair from
which he had just risen, while he drew a lighter chair to the other side of the
chimney-place. His fires were not like hers. Two half-burned sticks and a form
of turf smoldered sparingly on a mound of hot ashes; he eagerly cast on a fagot,
and added wood with, for once, an extravagant hand. Then, looking over at her,
he smiled, too.
Gerald turned, and beheld that lady
276“Now tell
me all about yourself,” she commanded. “I want to know what
you’re doing for this cold of yours.”
“Please let us not talk about my cold,” he at once refused.
“Let us talk about something agreeable. Tell me the news. I have not seen
any one for days. I have been living in Russia with a poor young man who had
committed a murder, also with a most sympathetic being who found the world
outside an institution for the feeble-minded too much for him.” By a
gesture toward the books on the table he gave her a clue to his meaning.
“You say you haven’t seen any one for days,” she said.
“Now the Fosses, for instance, who are your best friends, don’t you
let them know when you’re shut in?”
“You have no conception, evidently, of my bearishness, dear friend.
They have. They never wonder when they do not see me or hear from me for
weeks.”
“I know, and it seems funny; it seems sort of forlorn to me. I saw them
the other day and asked if any one had seen you since the night of the show.
They said no, but didn’t seem to think anything about it.”
“It’s not really long since then. How are they all?”
“All right, and busy as bees. They’ve no time to come and see me,
or anybody else, I guess. Brenda’s coming back to be married in May, and
they’re flying round getting her things ready. All her linen is being
beautifully embroidered....”
They went on talking, without much thought of what they said. It was
immaterial, really, what they said, or even whether they listened to each other,
while they had in 277common the comfort of sitting together in front of
the fire after a long separation filled with doubts and dismays. She told him
about the Convalescents’ Home, the sum they had raised for it. No word,
prudently, was spoken by either of her share in raising it. He told her about
the Russian novels. A third person might perfectly have been present, for
anything intimate in their conversation. Gerald was scrupulously careful, for
his part, that this should be so. The third person would never have divined how
far for the moment that chimney-corner transcended, in the sentiments of the
parties seated before it, any other corner of the earth.
Aurora’s attention became closer when Gerald related his interviews
with De Brézé and Costanzi, both of whom he had succeeded in convincing that
Antonia had had nothing to do with intriguing them at the veglione, and
had left to digest as best they could their curiosity concerning the mysterious
masker mistaken for her. He had been obliged to give his word that he knew on
absolutely good authority who this person was.
His attention, on the other hand, was complete when she told him how she had
dealt with Ceccherelli; she was considerate enough to-day to make the effort to
pronounce the gentleman’s cognomen.
“I was savage at him, you remember,” she said. “I was going
to take his head off. Then when it came to it, and I had told him what I thought
of him and the whole disgraceful scrape he had got me into–Oh, I went for
him, hammer and tongs! Incidentally, I made him tell me what it was I had said.
Pretty bad, wasn’t it!–Well, do you know, he cried, he felt so. He
just cried on his knees, and didn’t try to get rid of any of the blame.
All 278he wanted was
that I should forgive him. And what could I do? As long, particularly, as I knew
that a good deal of the fault was my own.... So now he comes to the house with a
look as if he’d just been baptized. And he tells me only stories fit, he
says, for a convent. Here is a sample, if you’d like to hear. Mrs. X, as
he called her, who lives in a palace not a thousand miles, he said, from Piazza
degli Anti-nory, and who had given Mr. B. reasons for not liking her, was seen
by him, in a suspiciously simple dress, going suspiciously on foot, in a little
suspiciously out of the way street, at a considerable distance from Piazza degli
Anti-nory. The gentleman followed her stealthily into a house he saw her enter,
thinking, you know, he would find out something to her discredit. And what did
he find out but that she was secretly visiting and relieving the poor! The
brilliant society lady, whom he wished to be revenged on because, as I gathered,
she had scorned his dishonorable love-making, was secretly the angel of the
poor.... Don’t you think that’s a nice story? He tells me nothing
now that’s less nice than that. We’re reformed characters. He has
asked my permission to dedicate to me a beautiful piece of music he has just
composed, and which is called–but in French–‘Prayer of the
Evening.’”
Both of them were pleasantly aware of a tray placed on the table near them,
as if descended from heaven, laden with teapot, bread and butter, jam. Neither
of them really saw Giovanna, who brought it in, or was struck by the stern
expression of her face.
Aurora, never sorry of something to eat, turned her attention to the tray.
Gerald wished to serve her, and she first noticed his weakness when she saw the
teapot tremble 279slightly in his hand. She went on chattering, but
she was observing him.
“Is your carriage waiting before the door?” he suddenly asked,
after a space during which she had suspected that he was not properly attending
to what she said. Aurora’s monogram, daintily executed, adorned the
door-panels of her carriage.
“Yes,” she answered. “Why?”
As if he had not heard, he changed the subject. After a while he asked, again
irrelevantly:
“How was it that Miss Madison did not come with you this
afternoon?”
“She was going to a different tea-party.” Supposing that his
question was a way of politely desiring news of Miss Madison, she went on to
talk of her.
“She was going to her French teacher’s, who is having a French
afternoon where they’re supposed to talk nothing but French. What would I
have been doing there? But Estelle is getting to talk the French language
exactly as well as her own.... That reminds me. A thing I’ve wanted to
tell you. If you should notice that Busteretto seems to be rather more her dog
than mine, don’t you say anything, or care. The fact is Estelle loves him
more than I do. That’s all there is about it. Which isn’t saying
that I don’t love him. But Estelle’s silly over him, in the regular
old maid way, as I tell her. When he wouldn’t eat his dinner this noon, I
had all I could do to make her eat hers, she was so troubled. And nothing ailed
him, I guess, but that he’d picked up something in the kitchen. What I
wanted to say was, don’t you think it’s because I don’t value
your present, if you should notice by and by that I seem to have given up my
claims to 280Busteretto. That sort of alive present has a will of
its own. The little thing took to her from the first more than he did to me.
Shall I tell Estelle that you wished to be remembered?”
“Pray do.”
“She’ll be sorry to hear you’re sick. Don’t say that
again, Gerald,” she silenced him, letting her anxiety at last plainly
appear. “Don’t tell me you aren’t sick, for I know better.
It’s been taking away my appetite to see you make believe to eat, and
choke over it. Your cough is so tight it sounds as if it tore your lungs. Give
me your hand. It’s as hot, dear boy, and as dry!... Wait, let me feel your
pulse.”
He knew that his pulse was high, that his temples ached, that a disposition
to shiver accompanied the volcanic heat of his blood.
He laughed at her light-headedly while with serious concentration she counted
the beats in his wrist.
“I’m going to stop at Doctor Gage’s on my way home,”
she said, letting go his hand, and not heeding what he said. “And
I’m going to tell him to come and see you.”
“Please do not! If I need a doctor, there is my own, an Italian, the
same for years.”
“An Italian? Do you think they’re as good?”
“Better for my own case.”
“Gerald, it’s my advice to you to go right to bed and let your
doctor come and prescribe. A cold is nothing in a way, but a neglected cold can
grow into a mean sort of thing. Say you’ll do it. Don’t you know how
good it will feel to you just to give in and go to bed and let some one else do
all the looking after you? Oh, I wish I could speak Italian enough to have a
talk with your Giovanna.”
281“Giovanna
has taken care of me and my malanni for years. She gives me tar-water, and
rice-water, and tamarind-water, and linden-tea, and cassia. She threatened me
this morning with a sinapism if I were not better by evening. I shall be better.
I do not wish for a sinapism.”
“Is that a poultice on your chest? I guess it’s what you need.
Now, if I have any influence with you, Gerald, if you love me one little bit,
you’ll promise to go right to bed, and you’ll give me your
doctor’s address so that on my way home I can leave word for him to
come.”
“You shall not take that trouble. I can send Gaetano.”
“You promise me you’ll do it, then?”
“I seem to have been left no choice, dear lady.”
“That’s real sweet of you. You’ll go to bed the minute
I’ve gone?”
“Yes. But don’t go quite yet!”
“With that temperature, I don’t see how you can care who stays or
who goes, or anything in the world but to lay your head down on a pillow. I
won’t stay any longer now. Go to bed like a good boy. To-morrow I’ll
run in and see how you’re getting along.”
His last word was, after a moment of seeming embarrassment:
“I hope Miss Madison will be able to come with you next
time.”
“Yes, yes,” said Aurora, lightly, taking it for a mere amiable
message with which he was charging her for Estelle.
Fever no doubt colored all Gerald’s dreams that night, and was in part
responsible next day for his thoughts, as he passed from languor to
restlessness, and from impatience 282back to the peace of the certain knowledge that
before evening he should have visitors–fair visitors.
When it seemed to him nearly time for them, he ordered Giovanna to make the
room of a beautiful and perfect neatness, hiding all the medicine bottles and
humble signs that one is mortal. She was directed to lay across his white
counterpane that square of brocade which often formed a background for his
portraits. She was asked to brush his hair and beard, and wrap his shoulders in
an ivory-white shawl, thick with silk embroideries, which had been his
mother’s. In a little green bronze tripod a black pastille was set
burning, which sent up, slow, thin, and wavering, a gray spiral of perfume.
Keenly as he was waiting, he yet did not know when the ladies arrived. He
opened his eyes, and they were there, shedding around them a beautiful freshness
of health and the world outside. Estelle, in a soft green velvet edged with
silver fur, held toward him an immense bunch of flowers. Aurora, in a
wine-colored cloth bordered with bands of black fox, tendered a basket heaped
with fruit. Both smiled, and had the kind look of angels.
They sat down beside his bed. They talked with him; all was just as usual.
They asked the old questions pertinent to the case, he made the old answers, and
by an effort kept up for some minutes a drawing-room conversation with them.
Then Aurora said:
“Hush! You mustn’t talk any more!” And when he thought she
was going away, he wondered to see her take off her gloves.
She stood over him; he wondered what she meant to do. She felt of his
forehead with her cool hand. With her 283palms, which were like her voice, of a velvet not
too soft, she smoothed his forehead and temples; she stroked them over and over
in a way that seemed to draw the ache out of his brain. Her fingers moved
soothingly, magnetically, all around his eye-sockets, pressing down the eyelids
and comforting them.
At first he resisted. Perversely he frowned, as if the thing increased his
pain, annoyed him beyond words. He all but cried out to the well-meaning hands
to stop.
“Doesn’t it feel good?” asked Aurora, anxiously.
He relaxed. Without opening his eyes, he nodded to thank her, and as he
yielded himself up to the hands it seemed to him that those passes drew his
spirit after them quite out of his body.
“I don’t think I’ll go up with you,” Estelle said
unexpectedly when on the next day they stopped before the narrow yellow door in
Borgo Pinti. “I’ll wait here in the carriage. I’m nervous
myself to-day. Give my best regards to Gerald. I hope you’ll find him
better.”
Aurora did not take time to examine into the possible reasons for her
friend’s choice. She climbed the long stairs sturdily, managing her breath
so that she did not have to stop and rest on the way.
She followed the stern Giovanna, unsubdued by the latter’s hard and
jealous looks, to the door of her master’s chamber.
She went toward the bed, smiling at the sick man over an armful of white
lilacs.
He half rose in his bed and quickly, disconnectedly, impetuously, said:
“My dear friend, this is most good of you. I’m sure I 284thank you very much.
I’m very, very much better, as you can see. I shall be out again in a day
or two.” He was visibly trembling; his eyes flared with excitement.
“That being the case, my dear lady, I earnestly beg you will not trouble
to come like this every day.” He stopped to choke and cough, then
wrenching himself free from strangulation–“Aurora,”–he
changed his key and tune,–“do let me be ill in peace! Here I am on
my back, with a loosened grip on everything, and it’s taking an unfair
advantage to invade my privacy as you do. Take away those lilacs with you,
won’t you, please? We haven’t any more vases to put them in;
they’d have to be stuck in a bedroom water-jug. Giovanna won’t let
me have flowers in my room, anyhow; she says they are bad for me. Don’t be
offended! I know you mean nothing but to be kind, but the thing you are doing is
devilish.... What do you think I am made of? I don’t want you to be
offended, but I have got to say what I can to keep you from coming to this house
and troubling me in my illness. I have got to say it plainly and fully because
you, Aurora, never understand anything that is not said to you in so many words.
I might try and try my best to convey the same idea to you in a gentle and
gentlemanly way, and not a scrap of good would be done. I’ve got to talk
like a beast. I wish to be alone. Is that clear? I’ve just struggled and
waded my way out of one quagmire; I do not wish to enter another. Is that plain?
I wish to feel free to be ill as much and as long as I choose. It concerns
nobody. It concerns nobody if I die. It would be an excellent thing, saving me
the trouble later of blowing out my brains.... My God, Aurora, have you
understood?” he almost shouted.
“Yes,” said Aurora in a voice that sounded pale, even as 285her face looked pale.
“I have understood, and I won’t come again. Just one thing, Gerald.
Put your arms under the bed clothes and keep them there.”
“Whether he’s better or worse I truly couldn’t tell
you,” Aurora said in answer to Estelle’s first question. After a
moment she added, “I can’t make him out.”
Estelle saw that she was deeply troubled, and, herself troubled at the sight,
did not press her for explanations.
During the drive home Aurora made only one other remark. It was delivered
with a certain emphasis.
“One thing I know: I sha’n’t go there again in
a hurry!”
Her lilacs, after wondering a moment what to do with them, she had quietly
deposited outside Gerald’s entrance-door.
It was unimaginable, of course, that the childhood’s friend should so
disregard the rules of the game as to leave her old playmate’s curiosity
long unsatisfied. Estelle accordingly learned before evening that Gerald had
been guilty of an attack of nerves, in the course of which he had said something
which Aurora did not like. What this was Aurora would not tell, saying it seemed
unfair to repeat things Gerald had spoken while he was not himself and which he
perhaps did not mean. From which Estelle judged that Aurora had already softened
since she returned to the carriage looking as grim as she was grieved.
That Aurora had something on her mind no observant person could fail to see,
and Estelle was not unprepared to hear her say as she did on the third morning
at breakfast, after fidgeting a moment with a pinch of bread:
286“I’m
so uneasy I don’t know what to do. That boy is much sicker than he
knows,” she went on to justify her disquietude, “and he’s in a
bad mood for getting well. I don’t believe Italian doctors know much,
anyhow. I’ve heard that they still put leeches on you. All he has to take
care of him, day and night, is that old servant-woman What’s-her-name,
who, he told me himself, doctors him with herb-tea. I’m so uneasy! The
sort of cold he has, I tell you, can turn any minute into something you
don’t want. He’s all run down and a bad subject for pneumonia.
I’m thinking I shall have to just go to the door and find out how he
is.”
“You could send a servant to inquire,” suggested Estelle.
Aurora appeared to reflect; she might have been trying to find a reason for
not taking the hint, but she said, “No; I should feel better satisfied to
go myself.”
At the last moment, when they were ready to start, Estelle found
Busteretto’s nose hot, and decided not to go. She stayed at home and
called a doctor. For some days the pet had not seemed to her in quite his usual
form.
Aurora, climbing Gerald’s stairs this time, felt very uncertain and
rather small. The street door, when she had pulled the bell-handle, had
unlatched with a click, but no voice had called down, and when she reached the
top landing the door in front of her stood forbiddingly closed. She waited for
some minutes, wondering whether she were doing right. Suppose Gerald were enough
better to be up again and, Giovanna being out, should himself come to open the
door. How would she feel, caught slinking back, after she had been requested
loudly and roundly to stay away?
287Well, set aside
how she felt, the object of her coming would have been reached, wouldn’t
it? She would know that he was better. She rang and listened.
Certain, as soon as she heard them, whose footsteps were on the other side of
the door, she held in readiness her Italian. She counted on understanding
Giovanna’s answer to her question, for she had, as she boasted,
“quite a vocabulary.” But much more than to this she trusted to the
talent which Italians have for making their meaning clear through pantomime and
facial expression.
As soon, in fact, as Giovanna opened the door, and before the woman had said
a word in reply to “Come sta Signor Fane?” Aurora had
understood.
Giovanna’s eyes, stained with recent weeping, looked up at the visitor
without severity or aversion, seeking for sympathy; the unintelligible account
she gave of her master’s condition was broken up with sighs.
Aurora felt her heart turn cold, and such agitation seize her as made her
reckless of all but one thing.
“I shall have to see for myself,” she thought.
With the haste of fear, she flew before Giovanna down the long hallway,
around the dark corner, to the door of Gerald’s room. It was half open.
Checking herself on the threshold, she thrust in her head.
He was so lying in his bed that beyond the outlined shape under the covers
she could see of him only a dark spot of hair. And she felt she must see his
face, whether asleep or awake, to get some idea.... She tiptoed in with the
least possible noise. At once, without turning, he asked something in Italian,
and speaking forced him to cough; and after he had finished coughing, Aurora,
who was near, 288could
hear his breathing rustle within him like wind among dead leaves.
Giovanna had gone to the head of his bed and whispered a communication. Upon
which he twisted sharply around, and Aurora, moved by an overpowering impulse,
rushed to his side.
“Hush!” she said at once. “Don’t try to talk; it
makes you cough. I just wanted to know how you were. It would be funny, now
don’t you think so yourself, if, such friends as we’ve been, I
should stop caring anything about you because you were cross the other day? I
had to come and see if there wasn’t something we could do for
you.”
The attempt to speak choked him again; he had to lift himself finally quite
up from his pillow to get breath. Quicker than Giovanna, Aurora snatched up a
gray shawl from a chair to put over his shoulders. The room felt to her
stagnantly cold. He stopped her hand in the act of folding him in, and she knew
that it was not the Gerald of last time, this one who, with an afflictive little
moan, clasped and pressed her hand.
She hushed him, every time he tried to speak, until his breathing had quieted
down, when he came out despite her forbidding with a ragged, interrupted, but
obstinate eagerness:
“How can I ever thank you enough for coming, dear, dear Aurora? I have
lived in one prolonged nightmare ever since I saw you, knowing I had behaved
like a blackguard, and fearing I should never have a chance to beg your pardon.
I thought I should never see you again. And here you are, so generous, so
kind!”
“Hush, Gerald! Don’t make anything of it. Of 289course I came. Keep quiet now; you
mustn’t try to talk.”
“Dearest woman,” he insisted, with his voice full of tears,
“I don’t even know what I said to you, but I know that the whole
thing was atrocious. You standing there like a big angel, with your innocent
arms full of flowers, and I barking at you like a cur!”
“Nothing of the sort. You were sick. Who lays up anything against a
sick man?”
“Excuse it in me like this, Aurora, if you can: that having such regard
for you, I had pride before you and could not endure that you should see me when
I felt myself to be a disgusting object. So, mortified to the point of torture,
I lost my temper,–I’ve got that bad habit, you know,–and
insanely railed to keep you off.”
“And didn’t succeed. Come, come; what nonsense all this is! Put
it out of your mind and think of nothing but getting well. Now
you–”
“It is not nearly so important that I should get well,” he
testily persisted, “as that I should ask your forgiveness. It has been
weighing upon me and burning like bedclothes of hot iron, the horror of having
so meanly and ungratefully offended you.”
“Why should you feel so bad about it as long as I don’t? Put it
all out of your mind, just as I do out of mine. There, it’s all right. Now
keep still except to answer my questions. You’ve had the
doctor?”
“Yes, dear.”
“What’s he giving you?”
“You can see–there on the stand–those bottles.”
“And hot things on your chest?”
“Yes; semedilino. I don’t know what you call it in
English.”
290“Flaxseed,
I guess. How can poor old Giovanna do everything for you?”
“I don’t know,” he answered vaguely. “She
does.”
Perceiving that by a reaction from his excitement he was suddenly fatigued to
the point of no longer being able to speak at all or even keep his eyes open,
she asked nothing more, but with a practised hand straightened his bolster,
smoothed his pillow and drew the covers evenly and snugly up to his chin.
“Don’t you be afraid,” he heard her say above him, as it
seemed to him a long time after, at the same moment that he felt her give his
shoulder a little squeeze to impress her saying: “I won’t let
anything happen to you.”
He entered a state which was neither quite sleep nor quite waking. He was not
dreaming, yet the world within his eyelids was peopled with creatures and varied
by incidents departing from the known and foreseen. Something malevolent
pertained to the personalities, something disquieting to the actions; suffering
and oppression resulted from his inability to get away from them. They came and
went, one scene melted into another, sometimes beautiful, sometimes repulsive, a
sickly disagreeableness being common to all, and the fatigue involved with
watching the spectacle of them weighing like a physical burden.
But yet beneath the unrest of fever dreams there was in Gerald, after
Aurora’s visit, as if a substratum of quiet and content. As a good
Catholic, having confessed and received absolution, would be less troubled by
either his symptoms or any visions that might come of Satan and his imps, so
Gerald, with the weight of his sins of brutality and 291ingratitude lifted off him, could feel
almost passive with regard to the rest.
He had moments through the night of recognizing the deceptiveness of his
senses. He knew, for instance, that the solemn clerical gentleman in a long
black coat and tall hat whom he saw most tiresomely coming toward him down the
street every time he opened his eyes was only a medicine bottle full of dark
fluid, outlined against the dim candle-shine. And he knew that the tower of ice,
solitary amid snows, lighthouse or tower of defense on some arctic coast, was
nothing but a glass of water. And when it seemed to him, late, late in the
night, that Aurora was in the room, he knew off and on that it was Giovanna, who
through one of those metamorphoses common in fever had taken the likeness of
Aurora. She lifted him to make him drink, and supported him while she held the
glass to his lips, then laid him easily back. The delusions of fever had the
sweet and foolish impossibility of fairy-stories: Aurora, as if it were the most
natural thing in the world, placing upon his stiff and lacerated breast balsamic
bandages of assuaging and beneficient warmth!...
The night was full of torrid heat and fiery light, in which everything looked
unnatural, shifting, uncertain, but daylight, when it finally came, was of a
crude coldness; under it everything returned to be itself, meager and
stationary, and he knew that it was no phantasmagorical Aurora making
preparations to wash his face.
He spoke no word to signify either pleasure or displeasure. He let it be,
like a destiny too strong to withstand. With this acceptance there took place in
him, body and spirit, a relaxing, as when supporting arms are felt by one who
had been fearing a fall.
292In his not very
clear-headed reflections upon himself and his state, he had passed into a
different category of men, where what he did, particularly as regarded worldly
proprieties, had little importance, because, ill as he felt, there seemed to him
such a strong probability of his actions having no result. If, on the other
hand, he could manage to pull through–and he found he cared to do this,
cared so much more than he had supposed he ever could care, on such desperate
days as those which had sometimes seen him re-examining his revolver–if he
should recover, the gladness of his good fortune would outweigh any
inconvenience created by his weakness now. Life is, and should be, dearer to man
than anything else, except honor. He found it difficult to separate the idea of
honor from life, and make it oppose letting this robust guardian angel fulfil
her promise not to “let anything happen to him.”
Gerald had too often heard those well-meaning lies which friends and nurses
tell the sick, to place faith altogether in Aurora’s cheerful
asseverations from day to day that he was getting better.
Yet Aurora was not feigning. She entertained no doubt that with proper care
he would get well. And she was providing the care. Hence a confidence which she
did not allow any of those chilly creepy fears which come at about three
o’clock in the morning to undermine. She was so strongly resolved to get
him well, and felt so capable of doing it, that it would not seem unlikely her
very hands in touching him had virtue and imparted health.
He said very little, even when the exertion of talking had ceased to make him
cough. The fact that talk fatigued 293him was reinforced by his old fancy that talk was
superfluous. One lived, one looked, one felt....
She was glad he so willingly kept quiet, because as long as he had fever it
was so much the best thing he could do. He did not have to tell her that he took
comfort in having her there, that everything she did for him was exactly right,
that her touch was blessed and had no more strangeness for him than that of a
sister–nay, than his own. She too understood those wordless things which
are shed from one person, like a radiance, and inhaled by another, like a
scent.
In the long silences, she sometimes read a little by the shaded
candle–she had chosen the night watch for her share and let his devoted
old Giovanna wait on her master during the day. But very often she sat in her
easy-chair near the bed doing nothing, just thinking her thoughts, marveling at
the queerness, the surprises of life. Who could have dreamed that first time she
entered this big brick-floored, white-washed room, and nearly cried because she
found it so dreary, that she would come to feel at home in it; that by her doing
the brown earthenware stove in the corner, cold since Mrs. Fane’s day,
would again glow and purr; that over and over she would watch the row of
flower-pots out on the terrace, with the stiff straw-colored remains in them of
last year’s carnations, grow slowly visible in the dawn; that from their
pastel portrait the eyes of the mother would watch her placing compresses on the
brow of the son!
Before going for her rest, she always waited to see the doctor, who made an
early visit. After they had reissued together from the sickroom, he was
interviewed by her with the help of an interpreter, Clotilde, who was in and out
of the house during all that period, making herself useful. Estelle instead came
only for a moment daily, having a case of her own to nurse, who was down, poor
crumb, with those measles-mumps-whooping cough of puppyhood, distemper.
Aurora’s eyes, fixed and starry, rested upon the little flame
295On the day when
Doctor Batoni had agreed that with prudence there would be nothing more to fear,
the patient might be regarded as having entered convalescence, Aurora covered
him with a wide and warming smile.
“Je suis son bonne amie,” thus she translated the
explanation of her unconcealed happiness, “I’m a good friend of
his,” nodding at the old man with the full sweetness of her dimples;
blushing a little, too, with the pride of addressing him directly in French.
That morning Aurora was so happy she could not hurry; humming an old psalm
tune she dawdled about her room, the longer to enjoy her thoughts.
When she finally slept it was more deeply than usual, and she woke with a
start of fear that it was past the time. The line of sky showing between the
curtains retained no remembrance of the day. It must be late, certainly. Then
she heard a faint stirring just outside her door, the thing probably which had
drawn her out of a sound sleep. It was the rustle of some person listening at
the crack.
She bounced from bed and went to open. It was as she expected, Giovanna;
come, she supposed, to see if she were ready to go on duty. At Giovanna’s
first words, though she did not entirely understand them, she became uneasy,
because Giovanna interspersed them with sighs. Her voice sounded as if she might
have been crying.
Aurora had grown accustomed to the fact that those hard old eyes of
Giovanna’s took easily to tears, and that she 296sighed by the thousand the moment she
was in anxiety over her signorino. She knew she must not take
Giovanna’s fears at her own valuation. She gathered from her gestures now,
combined with her talk, that Gerald, so quiet until to-day, had become restless.
Giovanna impersonated him tossing and throwing his arms out of the bed-covers.
Aurora, though not permitting herself to be alarmed, hurried with her
dressing.
“Ain’t it always so,” she questioned her own image in the
glass, “that the moment you feel safe something goes wrong?”
When she tiptoed into the big dim room where Gerald lay, she could not at
first make out what it was that had troubled Giovanna to the point of tears. He
seemed quiet enough. After she had taken his pulse and temperature, her heart
subsided with a blessed relief.
He could not tell her, because he did not himself know, that just because he
was better he, paradoxically, was worse. Thoughts and responsibilities had begun
to trouble him again.
“Should you mind very much,” he asked suddenly, “if I
worked off my nervousness by singing? I have kept still, so as not to worry you,
exactly as long as I can.”
“Certainly,” she said, “go ahead. I never knew you were a
singer. What are you going to sing?”
She waited with a certain curiosity.
He began chanting. “B, a, ba; B, e, be–babe! B, i,
bi–babebi! B, o, bo–babebibo! B, u, bu–babebibobu!” Then
he went on to the letter C, “C, a, ca! C, e, ce–cace! C, i,
ci–caceci!” and to D, and so on, one after the other, through all
the consonants in the alphabet.
“The queerest rigmarole you ever heard!” Aurora 297called that simple
Italian spelling-exercise for little beginners. It might have been funny to hear
him, only it was disquieting, he did it so earnestly and so obstinately kept it
up.
When he had finished, Aurora held a sedative powder all nicely wrapped in a
wet wafer ready for him. He knew what it was and gratefully gulped it, composing
himself after it to wait in patience and self-control for its operation. Aurora,
reposing on the magic of drugs like a witch on the power of incantations,
watched for the drooping of his eyelids and relaxing of his frown.
He had lain still for so long that she was congratulating herself upon the
result thus easily obtained, when he opened his eyes, twice as wide-awake as
before, and began to talk, as if really the object of an opiate were not to
stupefy a man, but to rouse him fully. Under its influence he was almost
garrulous. His vivacity partook of delirium. All that passed through his mind
pressed forward indiscriminately into utterance, as if the sentinels placed on
guard over his thoughts had been taking an hour off.
Aurora heard him in wonder and perplexity. He was not incoherent, he was not
extravagant. He was merely talkative, expansive, and this in his case was
obviously pathological. She wondered also to see how handsome he could look,
with his eyes alight; his cheek-bones burning, pink as paint; his hair, grown
long, lying in dark locks over a luminous forehead.
She tried to think of something that would abate all this. She was searching
her nurse’s memory for some further sedative by which to counteract a
first one gone wrong, when the thread of her medical meditation snapped, her
attention fastened upon what Gerald was saying. 298Because she had a suspicion that it was about Violet
he was talking. And she had from the first been curious about Violet and his
feelings with regard to her. As curious as if she had been jealous.
“There is a person–” he said, in the suppressed voice of
one communicating a secret, “of whom I used to dream very often. Not
because I wished to. In the days when I wished to, she came seldom. But when I
dreaded it, she began to come, and do what I would, oppose to her what hardness
I could, she could be so sinisterly dreadful and unkind that it was like a knife
in me. Try to shut her out as I might, she would force her way in and make me
suffer. Why? Why did she want to?... I will tell you what I believe. Some women
feel their beauty to depend upon their power to create suffering. If not happy
suffering, then the other kind. If men grow indifferent to it, they feel their
beauty passing, and if it goes there is nothing left that they care for. The
unremitting quest of their lives therefore is to feed the blood of men to their
beauty, and if they can not do it in any other manner they pick the locks of
sleep and get at them in that way. But the last time this person came, a
surprise awaited her. And the same, I will confess, awaited me. My heart was
like so much sawdust, so far as one drop of blood that she could wring from it.
And now she won’t come again, I believe, for why should she come? She will
look a little anxiously in the glass, very likely, to see if she has begun to
fade. I should be sorry to know that the least of her golden hairs had
faded–they were so lovely. It’s wrong all the same to practise
sorcery. You don’t, Aurora, that is one reason why I like to be with you.
Women as God made them are strong enough, He knows! It’s unfair to 299use sorcery besides, to
make themselves beautiful to the point of distraction, and desired to the point
of pain. And then their barbarous methods! That low game of using a man’s
weakness for the increase of their own glory, making a jealous fool wilfully out
of a decent fellow, and a baby out of a self-respecting man. You, Aurora, you
are good as good bread, you are restful as a bank of moss. You would never do
what the others do. Would you, Aurora? You needn’t answer me. I
know.”
“If what you mean is that I’m not much of a co-quette,” she
came in quickly, to prevent his continuing, “I guess you’re right.
Take it since I was born, I’ve been called a good many things, but in all
my life I don’t remember anybody calling me that,–a co-quette. But
you’re talking lots more than is good for you, brother. Now I want you to
quiet down and give those sleepy-drops a chance to work. Here I’ve fixed
you something else that will help them. It’s just a drink with nothing in
it but something nice and cooling. Smells pleasant, doesn’t it?
This’ll do the trick.”
Slipping an arm under his neck, she lifted him, propped him against herself,
and held the glass to his mouth. Instead of words pouring out, the calming
draught flowed in. It was a slow process; he drank by small swallows and wished
after each one to stop, but she gently forced him to go on. When it was finished
and he turned his head away from the glass, he found it resting on her shoulder.
He settled his cheek warmly against it, like a child burying his face in the
pillow. With a long sigh he relaxed.
“Now, Aurora,” he said solemnly, “be
per–fect–ly still.”
He was very still, too. After a long moment he half 300lifted his head and with a long soft
sigh replaced it, as if to renew his sense of a resting-place so sweet. With all
her heart Aurora lent herself to this, glad to witness, as she thought, the
belated effect of the soporific. In a few minutes he would be asleep.
“Aurora,” he suddenly said, wakeful as earlier, but without
moving his heavy head or opening his eyes, “do you remember the first
evening I ever saw you? You came down the middle of the room all by yourself,
like something in the theater, where the stage has been cleared for the
principal character to make an effect. You were a fine large lady in a sky-blue
frock with bursts of pink, your hair spangled with diamonds, a fan in one hand,
a long pair of gloves in the other. That at least is what everybody else saw
that looked at you. But me, what I seemed to see was America coming toward me
draped in the stars and stripes. Now you know how I feel about my dear country.
If I loved it why should I have fixed my abode once and for all over here? And
yet when I saw it coming toward me across the room, with your eyes and smile and
look of Home, I felt like the tiredest traveler and exile in the whole world,
who wants nothing, nothing, but to get Home again. It was like a moment’s
insanity. I almost wonder that I resisted it, the desire to lay my head on your
shoulder and cry, Aurora, and tell you about it, then never move again, or say
another word.”
Aurora readjusted her position so as to make his leaning on her even easier.
She brought a warm cover safe-guardingly around him.
“Poor Geraldino!” she pitied him in the lonely past.
“Then do you remember the first time I went to see you,” he
asked, “and you introduced me, dearest woman, 301room by room, to the somewhat gruesome
mysteries of your house? You walked before me holding a lamp. In the ball-room,
hazy with vastness, you held the lamp high, like a torch. And I had a vision of
you as America again, or Liberty, or Something, lighting the way for me.... But
I treated the fancy as one treats fancies. I did not in the least intend to
cultivate the acquaintance begun with your picking me up by the loose skin of
the neck and plumping me down on the little seat of your victoria.”
“Why–Gerald!” she drawled in a tone of reproach purposely
funny. “Didn’t you want to come?”
“I wanted not to come!” he answered, with normal spirit.
“But you kept saying Jump in. When a lady has said Jump in three times it
acts like a spell, a man has got to jump.”
“But when it came to the hot bread and syrup, brother, you know you
were glad to be there. You kept your superior look, but you ate all I buttered
for you. It did me good to see you.”
“Yes,” he grew dreamy again, “it took me back. It took me
back to so many things I had nearly forgotten. And when at the end of the
evening I was leaving, do you remember, Aurora, wrapping in paper some pieces of
maple-sugar and forcing me to take them home in my pocket? I felt absurdly like
a little boy and again you seemed like big America; something exhaled from you
that made me think of slanting silver-gray roofs and the New England spring of
appleblossoms and warbling robins; yes, and of October foliage intolerably
bright, and Fourth of July celebrations. Not things I dote on, exactly, but
things I was born to, and restful to me after my years of chasing 302what is not to be caught,
wanting what is not to be had, seeking all the time to adjust myself, to adjust
myself, to the harshness of life, the treachery, the unaccountability, the
relentlessness–restful as this heavenly shoulder, on which I have wished
how many hundred times to lay my head like this and not move again, or speak
again, or have anything ever change. Aurora, don’t say a word, dear.
Particularly, kindest Aurora, don’t make any of your little jokes. Keep
perfectly still, like a good darling, and let me forget everything except where
my head is, and be perfectly happy.”
As seriously as if a god had commanded it, Aurora preserved the silence and
immobility requested of her, only making her shoulder as much wider and softer
and more comforting as she could by wanting it to be so.
When by and by she felt him slip a little as he began to lose himself in
sleep, she clasped her hands around him supportingly and held him in place.
A single candle burned in the room, with a book to shade it. Aurora’s
eyes, fixed and starry, rested upon the little flame where it was reflected in a
mirror on the wall opposite, but she did not see it at all, so absorbed was she
in her thoughts. In her feelings, too. In the wonder of the hour. This
remarkable Gerald, with his head packed full of knowledge, with his speech that
charmed you as whistling does an adder, with his capacity to paint pictures that
the rest could not even understand, and then his rarity, the sweetness of his
manners, the fascination of all that unknown in him which came, she had
concluded, from his foreign bringing-up–he had wanted ever since he first
saw her just to lay his head on her shoulder and rest....
303Her common
ordinary shoulder. What did he see in her? Taking for granted that he saw
something, Aurora attributed this unknown quality in herself to God, and thanked
Him. She tightened her clasp about Gerald, the better to feel him there. The
power of the sleeping-potion had overtaken him completely. Thoughts that
moistened her eyes resulted from feeling her arms full of the breathing warmth
of a beloved form. Those defrauded maternal arms! That other, who would have
been five years old at this time, and would have been called little Dan, after
Dan, her big father, how she would have nursed him through his childish
ailments, how she would have held him and rocked him! No, she would never stop
yearning over him. One must suppose that God knows best.
Gerald’s breathing was deep and quiet. When sure that it could be done
without waking him, she let him gently down on to the pillow.
She stood beside the bed for a few minutes, in her soft garment of cashmere
and swansdown which made no more sound when she moved than did her velvet shoes;
she watched him sleep with emotions of gratitude beyond possibility of
expression to any one but that old intimate, God. He was getting well so surely
and fast. He would shortly be as well as ever.
Confident that he would want nothing more for the rest of the night, she
arranged herself in her easy-chair for a good sleep, too.
On the next day she divined from his half troubled look at her, and the shy
modesty of his manner, that he was wondering whether he had actually babbled
last night, or in a mild delirium dreamed the whole thing. Not from 304her might he find out.
Her easy, matter-of-fact way made any such passage seem at least unlikely.
Having slept during the night she did not retire to rest during the day, but
let Giovanna go about her long neglected affairs and in her place looked after
Gerald, who had waked from his deep sleep immensely refreshed. He would not need
a constant watcher beside him after this, during night or day.
“What shall I do to amuse you?” she asked him, to make an
interruption after she had felt him watching her through half closed lids for
some time. “Don’t you want me to read to you?”
“I think not, Aurora. Thank you just as much.”
“Well, then, how shall I entertain you? Do you want me to be a
gold-fish for you?”
“How do you ‘be a gold-fish,’ Aurora?”
“Look!” But the instant she changed her face into a
gold-fish’s and waggled up through imaginary water, opening and shutting
her mouth like a rubber valve, he hid his eyes, crying sharply, “Please
stop! I don’t want to see it.”
The gold-fish personality was dropped.
“Very well, then,” she said, with unimpaired serenity,
“shall I do a squirrel gnawing a nut? Every family its own
circus.”
“If you do it, I will not look. How can you endure, lovely as you are,
to make yourself ugly–grotesque?”
“Aren’t you rather hard to suit to-day, mister? Shall I be a hen,
then, scratching for her chicks? That’s mild.”
“No, no, no. Yes. No. I don’t know about the hen. Let me have a
sample.”
He watched her, critically and provisionally, while with 305comfortable, motherly, half-suppressed
chest-sounds, and a round eye cocked for finds among the dirt, remarkably
altogether the appearance of a pensive white hen, she made believe to scratch up
the earth with her feet. A rather sympathetic performance, he allowed, her
imitation of the hen, calling up before one the vision of a farmyard, a brood of
downy yellow chicks, a duckpond, sunshine, green things.
He let her do it as long as she would, or rather until to vary the thing she
increased the comic beyond the line he fixed. When midday found him grudgingly
laughing at her cackling, it seemed improbable certainly that midnight had seen
him sleeping in her arms. But underlying their laughter was a consciousness in
each that day of a thing uniting them which had not been there before.
Sitting bolstered up in bed to eat his first real meal, he looked, with his
long hair parted in the middle and brushed down over his hollow temples, like
one of those old masters in the Ewe-fitsy, Aurora told him. A St. John the
Baptist, she specified.
She chipped the top off his egg and cut finger sizes of bread for him, so
that he might have it in the foreign way he preferred.
While he languidly ate, yet with pleasure, the door softly swung inward,
revealing faces of women,–Estelle, Clotilde, Livvy, Giovanna,–all
equally kind, all craning for the delight of a peep at him eating his
soft-boiled egg.
Because he was still weak, tears came into his eyes, and because he could not
permit them to be seen, he waved and haggardly smiled toward the smiling and
nodding faces without inviting them nearer.
306Women! women!...
What a great deal of room they had occupied in his life! How much he owed them
for affection,–mother, sister, servant-girl, friends....
He had known from whispers and rustlings, from a sort of instinct, latterly
from Giovanna’s own lips, that his house since the coming of “that
lady” to undertake the government of his sickroom had been full of people,
making practical and easy the carrying out of her plots. Abundance of people and
abundance of money. Old Giovanna grumbled bitterly at this invasion, but she did
it inside of herself, sanely recognizing that she had subject for gratitude. Her
hot dark eye looked all she thought, and her lips moved as she soundlessly said
all she felt; but when she dropped into the dark church of Santa Maria degli
Angeli for a moment’s devotion she did not fail to ask Maria to bless
“that lady” and give her great good. After which she begged Her by
the seven swords of Her sorrow to hasten the day that should clear the house of
the whole horde of strangers, and permit her to resume the quiet life with her
signorino.
Gerald, whose nature felt the oppression of material benefits as much as
Giovanna felt jealousy with regard to her rights and loves, resolved that the
sole seemly return for generosity in this case would be an equal generosity,
consisting in an acceptance pure of every shadow, either of obligation, or
reserve, or regret.
Since the doctor said it would do the invalid no harm to admit a visitor or
two, Aurora wrote to Mrs. Foss. She came at once with Leslie. Both on the
occasion of this call were perfect, in tact, in warmth, in friendship. And yet
307with them, and the
sense of the World and the World’s point of view which they inevitably
brought, change entered the house.
The vacuous, almost happy languor of the sick was replaced in Gerald by an
irritable gloominess, decently repressed, but unconcealable.
“There’s no mistake; you’re getting well,” remarked
Aurora, when the unrest of a mind troubled by many things expressed itself in
indignation against innocent inanimate objects, a drop of candle wax for
burning, an ivory paper-cutter for snapping in his impatient hand.
“You’re getting well. I guess I can go home and feel easy about
you.”
And sooner than Giovanna had dared to hope when most fervently she invoked
the Holy Mother, lo! the intruders, mistress and maids, bag and baggage, had
left in their places room and silence. So much sooner than expected that
Giovanna, clasping in her hands an incredible fee, almost found it in herself to
feel regret.