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PUBLISHED BY
A. B. COURTNEY,
671 Tremont Street, Boston.
Entered at Post-Office as second-class matter.
Many young people, particularly of the male kind, imagine themselves in love when in truth they are not. Their supposed passion is but a fancy of the moment. An ardent young man is introduced to a pretty or interesting girl, and after a quarter of an hour’s conversation is (in his own opinion) over head and ears in love with her. If he is a sensible man he will not betray his weakness, for should the result prove the correctness of his first impression, there can be no harm of concealing the sudden passion. If, on the contrary, he declares his partiality, either by words or absurd behavior, the flirt, if she be sensible, will be apt to look upon him with distrust, or as a silly fellow with little or no stability of character. It is impossible to know that you have a genuine feeling of love until long and intimate relations reveal to you the ways, the disposition, and even the inmost thoughts of the heart of your companion. Supposing, then, that there is no deception on either side—that two lovers have faithfully laid open their most secret feelings, and mutually understand each other’s tastes, dislikes, peculiarities and habits. If all this knowledge increases rather than diminishes their friendship, they may then begin to suspect that they are in love. If all young couples would strictly adhere to this test before thinking of matrimony, there would be few ill-assorted matches and a great many more happy homes.
This is a powerful weapon in the art of making love. Never lived there yet man or woman but what in some way or other could be flattered. The great point is to know in what way to use it. There is a time and a place to use it. A young lady will feel flattered if you get a chance, young man, to tell her mother about the good qualities of her daughter; never fear but the daughter will hear of it, for women cannot keep a secret.
Young ladies very often exercise a good deal of tact in trying a young man’s love. They will act different from what the real feelings of their hearts would be, simply to try a young man’s pluck, if I must so call it. Young men, don’t weary in well doing, you know that “faint heart never won fair lady.” Do not put too much stress upon any little remark a young lady may make, for she often means directly the reverse, especially if she is very young.
It will be observed that when a young man first finds himself in the company of the fair sex he is seldom free from a degree of bashfulness, which renders him peculiarly awkward, and he scarcely knows what he is doing or saying, and I have known many such to commit errors that were truly laughable.
Gentlemen will, on every suitable occasion, offer civilities to ladies of their acquaintance, especially to those for whom they may have a particular attachment. A gentleman meeting a lady is struck with her appearance, and wishes to become better acquainted. Now, before making any advances, you should find out from some friend whether she is engaged, or if any gentleman is paying particular attention to her—this might save you much future trouble.
Finding she is not thus circumstanced, you call her by name, and say, “Would it be agreeable to you for us to cultivate a more intimate acquaintance?” You need not say it in a tone as serious as if you were going to a funeral; but in a light, easy, peaceful way, as though half in fun. You must not feel disappointed if she tells you such words as, “Well, we will see about it,” or “Some other time we will talk it over.” Something in this style will not be out of place, for she may not be expecting anything of the kind and does not wish to give too prompt an answer. If on any certain occasion you ask a lady for her company, and she should say that she is engaged, do not think anything strange of it, for such may be the case; and you must never let a lady see that you feel disappointed at any time about such matters.
Gentlemen too often make themselves fools about ladies or a certain lady, and the consequence is the ladies have their own fun laughing at them. Never make yourself a fool for any lady, for it won’t pay.
It is too often the case that young men amuse themselves by playing with the feelings of young ladies. They visit them often, they walk with them, pay them divers attentions, and after giving them an idea that they are attached to them, they either leave them, or, what is worse, never come to an explanation of their sentiments. This is nothing less than acting the scoundrel; it is truly dastardly—infamous. This has been the cause of many a young and warm-hearted girl pining away by inches, to fill a premature grave.
Young ladies should never thus allow themselves to be trifled with. When a gentleman pays you attentions for a length of time without giving you to understand what he wants—make him come to the point, do not be backward, or it may be your ruin.
Very often you can bring a young man to the point by getting a little careless when he comes to see you. You must appear to be more interested in something else. This will make him feel very uneasy, I can assure you, if he loves you any, and if he don’t love you he has no right to be acting so, for this simple fact may keep some other young man from courting who would make a better husband. This is common sense, and you should bear it in mind. If this does not bring him to the point, you can take your chance, and tell him that a proper respect for yourself compels you to ask him his object in visiting you. Tell him that your friends and his are talking about it, and that it is time you had an understanding.
Never marry unless you love, and are loved in return; for without love no happiness, and love that comes not before marriage comes not in a lifetime. It is not right to give an immediate answer when your hand is solicited in marriage. You should tell the gentleman that you had not been expecting a proposition of the kind, and wish a little time to study the matter over, and that you will give him an answer by some stated time, which you can mention. This will make the affair more interesting to all parties. In the meantime ask your parents their opinion on the subject.
When the appointed time comes be certain you have your answer ready, or else he might think you were coquetting him.
A chapter on Love! Can there be one so bold as to essay a description of love in prose? Nay, leave it to the poet, the painter; but common prose is surely all unfit for such a theme. So will the young say; but as we are now old, we may have the boldness to write of love in humble prose, and to look at it in that prosaic aspect in which prudence and the cooler blood of experience have brought us to regard it.
Love! what is it? It is as the perfume of the flower, the song of the bird, the dew of the morning, the glorious sun of the summer’s day—such is love to life. Fragile as a gossamer web—a vapor which a breath dispels; but withal as the sea, whose soundings cannot be taken for the depth thereof. It is difficult to say at what period of early life the gentle-winged god’s influence is most to be guarded against. The young and blooming girl, just budding into womanhood, feels his power, but does not to herself even acknowledge it; nay, she scarcely knows his presence. All unused as she is to the arts of Love, how can she readily recognize his secret magic? She is introduced to society; the novelty of her dress, the display of her charms, hitherto concealed, the care her modiste takes with that dress, for the fuller development of each beauty, are all new to her. She goes forth to the world all bewilderment; the child of the school-room to-day, to-morrow arrays herself to conquer and be conquered. Thus far is simple; thus far is what many mothers consider it their duty to attend to, and leave the rest to fate. But love is a deep study to those who would read it well and understand it. The delicate-minded maiden blushes, even when alone, when first she confesses to herself she loves.
The truth has long before been known to those around, who are more skilled in the art. A particular dress is selected, which is worn because the loved one says it is becoming; the hair is arranged in accordance with the expression of his approbation. Polkas are only danced with him—songs are sung that he admires—the ball-room is dull, dark, empty, till he arrives—the fair one’s eyes, like Noah’s dove, wander without finding a resting place—the cheek is pale and anxious. He enters; for the first time she observes the room is in a blaze of light. They are dancing; the music is playing; his eye wanders; she is still anxious, pale; he recognizes her; the young heart’s-blood mantles her fair brow; her eyes glisten; her suddenly vermilion-tinted cheek and lip, as he approaches, proclaim silently but surely to the observer that Love has lost another shaft from his full quiver. And at this stage it is well for loving mothers to preserve their school-room power over their beautiful daughters. How much misery might be afterwards spared, if a mother’s advice were now well given and received. A daughter’s thoughts should be delicately anticipated. A mother’s province is to guard, by advice, the future conduct of her child; and of what avail will such advice be if the parent cannot read the state of that child’s heart. A mother should rather live over again her own sweet dream of love, while listening to the gentle hopes and fears of the daughter whose confidence she has for the wisest motives won, than by any expression repulse the young heart that is panting, but half ashamed, to hide her head in the bosom that nourished her, and pour forth her soul to almost the only earthly being whose every heartstring will truly vibrate with her own. Ashamed! we said; why should the young have this feeling with a mother? Is not love the sweetest, gentlest passion we are capable of—the great bond of life? For what is life without love? A desert, a wilderness.
1. Marriage is so personal a business that it will be readily conceded that it concerns the contracting parties more than it does relations and friends. For this reason the gentleman should first make sure that the affections of the young lady would, in all probability, centre upon himself, before he proposes to the parents or guardians. He should do this without entrapping the affections of the lady herself; which course would, should the engagement from family reasons fall to the ground, entail misery upon her.
2. Giving presents is always allowable; but they should be confined to trifles before an actual engagement between the parties. Any perishable article may be given without regard to cost, but valuable keepsakes should be reserved. Letters, trinkets and valuable presents, when engagements are broken off, are always returned by both parties.
3. In courting a lady with whom you were not previously acquainted, you should always address her as Miss So-and-so, or, in case of much emphasis, my dear Miss So-and-so. It is not allowable to be too familiar at first, though if you have known her from childhood, or have had a long intimacy in the family, you may use her Christian name. After engagement, use it exclusively when you address her. This rule will apply to ladies also, when addressing their beaux.
4. Love letters are very absurd things when (as they sometimes are) made public. The reason is, they concern only two persons in the world—the writer and the receiver. They should be plain, fervent, respectful, and to the point. Never write a letter merely for the sake of writing; let it always have some aim—a message, an invitation; or let it carry news of some kind.
5. In public, or in company, the conduct of lovers should be guarded. Avoid all show of extreme preference, and never pass compliments. Neither caress nor chide before others, nor call each other endearing names, such as my dear, honey, pet, etc., etc. This rule will apply to married people as well as to those in the chrysalis state.
6. If your suit is rejected by the lady you are expected to abandon it; and, should you decide to try a second time to win her favor, do not be too importunate, and never visit her without special leave. Many ardent young lovers lose their sweethearts irretrievably by haunting them, when perhaps with proper management they might have succeeded. A girl does not always know her own mind until she becomes disgusted.
7. In quarrels between lovers, the man must always be at three-quarters of the expense of a reconciliation; but the woman must have prepared the way from the moment of the quarrel. Except in cases of jealousy, a quarrel generally begins on the side of the woman. She is angry at first with herself, or because familiarity with you begins to produce ennui, or because she is too sure of you. In place of giving quarrel for quarrel, it is sufficient, in such a case, to excite her imagination, to disquiet her heart, to arouse her suspicions, and all the little doubts and fears which prevent the current of true love from running smoothly.
8. Caprice is a peculiarity of lovers that is often mistaken for inconstancy, while they are really very different. The one is a weakness of the heart, the other a calculation of the mind. Caprice is the source of a thousand little disputes, which in themselves are felicities. It ravishes from love all that is lively, gracious and gay. It is a pardonable weakness in woman.
9. In attending balls, neither the lady or the gentleman should dance with a strange partner, except by each other’s consent. Relatives and intimate friends may be taken as partners without this formality. If the gentleman introduces a friend to his sweetheart she may consider this introduction as a tacit consent to her dancing with him; and vice versa as regards the lady.
10. During courtship, should a gentleman meet one of his male friends at a party, he is not obliged by etiquette to introduce his intended bride to him. He can do as he pleases about it, and should always ask the lady’s consent previous to such introduction. The same rule will apply to the lady, though girls are generally proud enough to introduce their lovers, if they think much of them.
11. A man should never attempt to take liberties with his sweetheart during courtship—not even after the engagement. Such conduct is mean, and a sign of low breeding. Good and virtuous girls, though they are pained and displeased, do not always resent such treatment. Others of a more energetic and fiery temperament are not afraid to show their displeasure. Every young lady should do so.
12. Where a young lady is shrewish and overbearing towards her lover it will not answer for him to yield too far to her caprices, or she may despise him as pusillanimous. Some girls find fault and quarrel just for the pleasure of a reconciliation. In such a case you are justified in opposing her to a certain extent, but be careful and not go too far, or she may “fly off the handle” in a pet, and make it difficult for you to regain her favor.
13. A young man should never pay particular attention to a girl he does not think of marrying. Male coquettes are humbugs, and the ladies should never tolerate them. If a girl suspects the sincerity of her lover, she should show indifference to him by “being particularly engaged” when he calls. If he is sincere in his attachment he will be all the more anxious for an interview. Treat him with polite indifference, and if he is really in love he will think it about time to come to an understanding with you.
14. To sum up: you should never begin a courtship until you are old enough to marry—until you have the means, or a fair prospect of them, to support a wife—nor until you meet with a girl whose tastes, peculiarities, morals and habits of thinking you admire, and you are perfectly sure that your regard for her is built upon reason, not upon the caprice of the moment.
To be happy in the married state is one of the most important things that can engage the attention of both sexes the world over.
What a lamentable fact it is that there are so many matches made that turn out to be the lifetime misery of both parties! This can be avoided or prevented more by persons knowing what kind of a partner would suit them, before getting married.
To be happy in wedlock persons must be properly mated. Every one should know what sort of a person they want for a partner. For instance: a gentleman who is fond of life and amusement, and wants to enjoy everything as much as possible, never should think of marrying a lady who feels the happiest when she is quietly sitting by her fireplace at home, reading some book of science, or fretting about the domestic affairs not being carried on to suit her. What sort of a match would this make?
Neither should a lady with bright auburn hair, and vigorous, lively constitution, unite her destiny with a light-haired, pale, sickly, thin-looking man that prefers to take the world easy in all things. Such a couple can never get along happily.
I will here give some directions by which the disposition of every one, male or female, may be told; and as every one knows what sort of a partner they want, there need not be any more trouble in matrimonial affairs after this.
Persons with red hair are generally the most affectionate, if they marry one who does not neglect them in the little attentions due from the one to the other in married life.
Usually soft, languid eyes are evidence of voluptuous dispositions. In females, they are thought a great beauty, and indicate an amiable, heartfelt affection. In men, they show but too well an effeminate disposition, and very often they indicate a want of fidelity.
A man should never marry a woman older than himself, it matters not what may be the other considerations; and the woman who marries a man younger than she is must not feel disappointed if he does not prove true to her.
A person with a sharp ridge on the top of the nose is greatly endowed with the faculty of self-defence. A good trait in man, but if in woman, take care for quarrels when you want your shirt buttons sewed on.
Look out for persons who have what is called “hook-billed noses,” for, if such be your partner, their rights will certainly be taken care of, for they will do it themselves.
A nose that is thick and broad about midway and rather short, indicates habits of economy—a good thing to observe in a female.
Those having very inquisitive dispositions can be told by the horizontal length of the nose from the lip forwards. A person with this sign large is very inquisitive, asks a great many questions, and takes means to find out the secrets of others.
Those who can keep a secret may be told by the great breadth or expansion of the nostrils.
A person who is suspicious, and will keep a close watch over everything around them, has a long nose from the root downwards, at a right angle with the horizontal length, before spoken of.
The action of love on the chin is also frequently shown in the motion and position of the head, a person with congeniality of feelings and a desire to be loved always throws the chin a little forward, with eyes that have an upward look, as if looking at something on the side of the wall, or in the sky. This is their habit, as many call it.
A person capable of violent and ardent love for another generally throws their chin a little sidewise. We thus see the signs of the right eyebrow, at the inner extremity. The upturning of the hairs of the inner extremity of the left eyebrow indicates one who will respect their companion in a high degree.
The muscular fibres passing from the top of the forehead to the middle of the eyebrow, causing an elevation of the brow, and the horizontal wrinkles on each side, indicate an enthusiastic person, and one full of hope; the first being indicated on the left side, and hope on the right. These are both excellent traits.
A jealous person may be known by an oblique fulness below the under lip, and has a rather pouting appearance.
A lady who will be apt “to wear the trousers” can be told by a small muscle, passing from the top of the nose to the skin of the forehead between the eyebrows, raising short transverse wrinkles over the root of the nose. The same sign in a gentleman, too full, shows that he would be rather a master than a husband.
A lady whose front teeth are long and well shaped is generally very affectionate. The same in man shows a kind disposition.
A fulness of the under lip, in either male or female, extending from the angle of the mouth obliquely, and occupying the concavity between the lip and chin, shows a bitterness of temper which no reasonable mind could tolerate.
We think that any person, who has the ordinary powers of observation about them, can form an opinion from what has been here given, so that they need never be mistaken in the disposition of the one who is to be their bosom companion for life, “for happiness or for woe, through life they must go.”
Punctuation has been made consistent.
The following change was made:
p. 4: Missing letters were assumed to be wo (it won’t pay.)