The girls marched into chapel singing Jerusalem the Golden. Some of
the voices were shrill and piping, and some were clear and sweet; but
all had that peculiar young freshness which always makes old hearts
ache, and which now drew tears to the eyes of many visiting parents
looking down from the gallery, and trying not to crane their necks
conspicuously when their own offspring appeared in the aisle below.
On Sundays the whole school came out in blue serge and black velvet
tam-o'-shanters. The little girls marched first—some as young as
eleven years—and as they came from the main school buildings and
marched up the long aisle they were holding the high notes, "Jerusalem
the golden," and their voices sounded like young birds', before the
older girls came crashing in with the next line, "With milk and honey
blest." They marched quickly—it was a tradition of the school—divided
to right and left, and filed into their appointed places.
Last of all came the tall senior president, and beside her a little
figure that hardly reached her shoulder, and seemed as if one of
the younger children were out of place; yet this was an important
figure in the life of the school—Lita Hazlitt, the chairman of the
self-government committee.
Her face was almost round except for a small point that was her chin;
her hair—short curls, not ringlets—curved up on her black velvet tam,
and was blond, but a dusky blond. There was something alert, almost
naughty in her expression, although at the moment this was mitigated
by an air of discretion hardly avoidable by the chairman of the
self-government committee in church.
In this, her last year at Elbridge Hall, she had come to love the
chapel. Its gray stone and dark narrow windows of blue or amethyst,
the organ and the voices, gave her a sense of peace almost mystic—a
mood she could never have attained unaided, for hers was a nature
essentially practical. Like most practical people, she was kind. It was
so easy for Lita to see what was needed—to do a problem in geometry
or mend a typewriter or knit a sweater—that she was always doing such
things for her friends, not so much from unselfishness as from sheer
competence.
The seniors sat in the carved stalls against the wall, and Lita liked
to rest her hand on the rounded head of a dragon which made the arm of
her chair. It had a polished surface and the knobs of the ears fitted
into her fingers.
"Dearly beloved brethren, the Scripture moveth us, in sundry places, to
acknowledge and confess—"
Lita loved the words of the service, and she noted that part of
their beauty was the needless doubling of words—dissemble and
cloak—assemble and meet together—requisite and necessary. Yet Miss
Fraser, who taught English at Elbridge, would call that tautology in a
theme.... She sank on her knees, burying her small nose in her hands
for the general confession.
As they rose from their knees and the choir broke out into O Come,
let us sing unto the Lord, Lita allowed herself one glance at the
gallery, where her lovely mother was just rising, slim and erect, with
a bearing polite rather than devout. Lita could see one immaculate gray
glove holding her prayerbook. She was a beautifully dressed person.
The whole school had an orgy of retrimming hats and remaking dresses
after Mrs. Hazlitt had spent a Sunday at Elbridge. She was as blond as
her daughter, except that somehow in the transmission of the family
coloring she had acquired a pair of enormous black eyes from some
contradictory ancestor. Even across the chapel Lita could see the dark
splotches that were her mother's eyes. It was great fun—the Sundays
that Mrs. Hazlitt came to the school, and yet Lita was always a little
nervous. Her mother said anything that came into her head—simply
anything, commenting on teachers and making fun of rules. The girls
loved it, of course, but sometimes— The First Lesson had begun.
The service went on. It was not until the Second Lesson was being
read that Lita, glancing idly toward the ante-chapel, saw that a
terrible thing had happened: Her father had arrived too—unexpected
and unannounced. He was standing there under the gallery, his hat and
stick and gloves all held in one hand, and his mouth just not smiling
as he at last contrived to meet her eyes. There they were—her mother
looking down at her so calmly from the gallery and her father waiting
so confidently for her below, each unaware of the other's presence.
What in thunder was she going to do?
Their divorce had taken place a great many years before, when Lita was
so young that her mother was not much more important to her than her
nurse, and her father very much less so. She was accustomed to the idea
of their divorce; but she did wish they were divorced as Aurelia's
parents were—quite amicably, even meeting now and then to talk over
questions of Aurelia's welfare. Or the way Carrie Waldron's were—each
remarried happily to someone else, so that Carrie had two amusing sets
of half brothers and sisters growing up in different parts of the
country. But Lita was aware of a constrained bitterness, a repressed
hatred between her parents. When they said, "Perhaps your father does
not quite take in, my dear—" or "I would not interfere with any plan
of your mother's; but I must say—" Lita was conscious of a poisoned
miasma that seemed to rise from old battlegrounds.
And now, in a few minutes, these two people who had not spoken for
thirteen years would come face to face in the cheerful group of parents
which every Sunday brought to the school. The few minutes after the
service when everyone stood about on the grass outside the church and
chatted was a time of public friendliness between three inharmonious
classes—parents, teachers and pupils; and there these two dear foes
of hers would be, each waiting so confidently to claim her undivided
attention. She must prevent it.
She had the sermon to think it out, and for the first time in her life
she hoped it would be a long sermon. The preacher, a fine-looking old
missionary bishop, with a long upper lip like a lawyer, and a deep-set
eye like a fanatic, was going up into the pulpit, turning on the
reading light, shaking back the fine frills of his episcopal sleeves.
"My text," he was saying, "will be taken from the eleventh chapter of
Isaiah, the sixth verse: 'The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, and
the leopard shall lie down with the kid; and the calf and the young
lion and the fatling together; and a little child shall lead them.' The
eleventh chapter of Isaiah, the sixth verse."
Well, the text was not inappropriate, Lita thought; but she had
no intention of listening. The situation, besides its practical
difficulties, brought all the emotion of her childhood's worries and
confusions. One of her very earliest recollections went back to a time
when her parents still loved each other. She and her mother had been
sitting on the floor playing with paper dolls, and suddenly her father
had appeared unexpectedly in the doorway—returned ahead of time from a
journey. What Lita specially remembered was the way her mother sprang
up in one single long motion and flung herself into his arms, and how
they had clung together and gone out of the room without a word to her,
leaving her conscious, even at four, that she was forgotten. Presently
her mother had sent her nurse, Margaret, to finish the game; but the
game was already over. Margaret was desirable when one was tired or
hungry or sleepy, but absolutely useless at games of the imagination.
After that Lita could just remember days when she would see her mother
crying—peculiar conduct for a grown-up person, since grown-up people
were never naughty or afraid and could do anything they wanted to do,
and did. It shocked Lita to see her mother cry; it was contrary to the
plan of the universe. And then, soon after this, her father, as far
as she was concerned, ceased to be; and it must be owned she did not
greatly miss him.
He ceased to be as a visible presence; but at immensely long
intervals—that is to say, once a year, at Christmas—magical presents
arrived for her, which she knew came from him. The first was the
largest doll she had ever seen. It came from Paris and brought a
trousseau in a French trunk. It was an incredible delight. She dreamed
about it at night, and could hardly believe each morning on waking
that it was reality. The only mitigation of her delight was that her
mother did not admire the doll. She said it had an ugly, stary face.
Lita, beginning the stupendous task of writing a letter of thanks,
with a lead pencil on ruled paper, wrote, "Dear Father: Mother thinks
the doll has a stary face, but I love her—" Only Margaret said that
wouldn't do, and she had to begin all over again, her round, cramped
hand pressing on the pencil until her nails were white.
When she was eight a gold bracelet arrived, set with red stones. This
time her mother was even more outspoken. She said to Aunt Minnie, "Of
course, she bought it! Isn't it just what you'd expect?" Lita guessed
that "she" meant her father's new wife, for she knew vaguely that
he had married again and was living abroad. She herself thought the
bracelet beautiful; but it was put away, and she was never allowed to
wear it. And now, only a little while before, she had seen it in an old
jewelry case of her mother's and had been surprised to find it was just
what her mother had said it was.
Then two years later a set of sables had come. This, too, her mother
had utterly condemned.
"Sables for a child of ten!"
Aunt Minnie had suggested that Lita's mother wear them herself and
had been well scolded for the suggestion. Lita was content that these
should be confiscated. She preferred her own little ermine set.
Until she was sixteen, except for presents, she lived the life of a
child with only one parent, and a very satisfactory life it was. Even
when her father was in the United States he did not always take the
trouble to see her. Perhaps it was not made too easy for him to do so.
But within the last two years things had changed. His second wife had
died and he had come back to New York to live. He was older, he was
lonely, and a pretty daughter almost grown up was very different from
a troublesome child who couldn't walk as fast as he did, who required
meals at strange hours and could eat only innocuous food. In his own
silent way Mr. Hazlitt began to bid for his daughter's affection.
Lita liked the process and she liked him, although she felt immediately
that the feeling was a betrayal of her lovely, devoted mother. It
wasn't right, she reflected, that her father, who had forgotten her
existence for so many years, should come back, and just because he was
nice looking and well off and knew the art of life should be able to
capture her affection as much or more than if he had stayed at home and
been a good parent. It wasn't right, but it was a fact.
For two years the struggle had been going on, steadily rising in
intensity. Her father had begun by asking for very little—hardly more
than an outlawed parent could ask—but Lita knew that she was becoming
dearer and dearer to him, and that her parents were now contending for
first place in her heart. Soon it would be for her exclusive love.
The pain of the situation to her was that she was to them not only
a battlefield but a weapon and the final trophy of the war. As they
never met, and wrote only through their lawyers, she was their most
vivid channel of communication. She loved her mother the best—much
the best—but her mother was a presupposition of her life, part of the
background, whereas her father was an excitement, a stranger, a totally
new experience.
When she dined with her mother, that was the solid comfort of
everyday life; but when she went out to a restaurant to dine with her
father—that was a party.
When her mother told her she was looking well the compliment often
meant only that Mrs. Hazlitt approved of her own taste in clothes; but
if her father said so it was the reaction of an outsider, a critic, a
man of the world; it raised the whole level of her self-esteem. She
couldn't help valuing it more.
The sermon was nearing its end. Twice already the bishop had begun a
sentence, "And now in conclusion—" The next time, Lita thought, it
might take. If only Aurelia were about! Aurelia was an authority on
the management of divorced parents, though usually with mercenary
intent. Aurelia had studied the art of intimating to one parent
that the other did you rather better. It brought Aurelia great
affluence; but Lita did not quite approve. She thought it too easy to
be sportsmanlike; the poor dears were so innocent. But Aurelia was
stern. She said children ought to get something out of the situation.
Unfortunately, this Sunday, of all Sundays, Aurelia was laid up in the
infirmary with a strange and violent form of indigestion which Lita
was afraid would turn out to be appendicitis. Miss Barton, the head
of the school, believed it to be indigestion merely because she had
discovered that Aurelia the night before had eaten peanuts, peanut
butter, chocolate cake and tomato mayonnaise. What of course one could
not tell Miss Barton was that Aurelia had been eating just such illicit
Saturday-night suppers ever since she came to Elbridge.
Lita had only said very gently "I'm afraid it's more than indigestion,"
and Miss Barton had just glanced at her as if she were a silly ass.
If Aurelia had been about she would have been sent bounding up the
gallery stairs to detain Mrs. Hazlitt, while Lita herself would have
run out and explained the situation to Mr. Hazlitt. Well, as it was,
she would have a minute or two. The gallery stairs were narrow and it
took people a little while to come down.
The sermon was over. The organ rolled out into Praise God, from whom
all blessings flow, an anthem which Lita in her childhood had always
supposed was introduced at this point in order to express gratitude
that the sermon was over.
The girls sprang up as if on wires. Presently they were all marching
down the aisle again. Lita looked up in the gallery and smiled at her
mother, looked down and smiled at her father; and then, as soon as she
was back again in the main school building, she turned and ran as fast
as she could go to the main door of the chapel.
A crowd of parents and teachers had already gathered, all being as
civil to one another as if they were not naturally hostile. Lita had
once overheard Miss Barton exclaiming, "Of course, anyone could keep a
good school if it weren't for these parents!" Her father was standing
a little apart, waiting. He had put on his hat at the slight angle at
which he wore it—a sort of defiance to his forty-two years. She ran up
to him and flung herself into his arms.
"Pat, darling," she said—Mr. Hazlitt's name was James; Pat was a
corruption of Lita's early attempts upon the Latin tongue—"it's simply
great to see you back; but—"
"I only got back last night," said Mr. Hazlitt, as if he himself were
surprised at his own eagerness. "I have Miss Barton's permission for
you to lunch with me—"
"Pat dear!"
"—and spend the afternoon."
"Father!"
Out of the narrow doorway that led from the gallery stairs Lita could
now see her mother emerging. She was dressed in soft blues and grays
like a pigeon's breast, and her eyes, dazzled by the March sunlight,
were darting about in search of her daughter among all the other
figures in blue serge. Then Lita saw that Miss Barton had stopped her
and introduced the bishop. That meant another minute or two; her mother
would feel she simply must be civil to the bishop.
"Father."
"Don't interrupt me, Lita. You're just like—it's a very disagreeable
habit."
"But you see mother's here, too, father."
Every trace of expression vanished from Mr. Hazlitt's face—his own way
of expressing emotion.
Then he said in a hard, even voice, "My first Sunday!"
"I know, dear, but you see it's her regular Sunday."
"Of course. I'm not criticizing your mother," he answered, in that
tone in which the phrase is so often used, as if he could do it
magnificently if he let himself go. "Only I must say that after three
months' absence I did hope—" He stopped; his face, which had been
blank before, now became set like steel, and Lita saw that his eyes had
fallen on the former partner of his life. It was most alarming. At any
instant her mother might grow weary of the bishop and turn from him.
Lita laid her hand on her father's arm.
"So, you see, dear," she said rather glibly, "I can't possibly lunch
with you."
"I don't see it at all," replied her father. "Your mother has had you
to herself all this winter. I'm afraid I shall have to insist. There is
something I want to talk over with you."
Lita had not anticipated the least difficulty with her father. He
usually yielded his rights in silence, and afterward her mother
explained to her how mistaken he had been in supposing he had any
rights. She sighed, and he caught the sigh.
"Unless," he added, "you don't want to lunch with me."
His feelings were hurt. She couldn't bear that.
"Of course, I always want to lunch with you," she said, and she was
glad this hearty assurance did not carry so far as her mother's ears.
"I'll run and explain, and I'll meet you at the main gate in half an
hour."
She turned away. Miss Barton, to whom Sunday was a terrible day,
devoted to placating visiting parents, who always had one disagreeable
thing to say before they left, had rather mistakenly abandoned the
bishop entirely to Mrs. Hazlitt. As Lita approached them she heard her
mother saying: "But I think it's so much nicer for wolves to be wolfish
and leopards leopardy. I'm sure the heathen are ever so much happier
the way they are, sharpening their teeth and eating one another up,
poor dears."
"But they are not happy, my dear madam," said the bishop, driven by a
sense of duty into correcting her mistake, and yet discouraged by a
sense that whatever he said she would interrupt him before he had said
it. "They are not happy. They are full of terror. Darkness and night
are to them just a recurring fear."
"To me too," said Mrs. Hazlitt. "The heathen have nothing on me, as
these girls would say. I look under my bed every night for a giant
spider I read about when I was a child. You ought to be so careful what
children read. So interesting—your sermon, bishop. I'm sure you could
convert me if I were a heathen. Oh, I see you think I practically am.
Oh, bishop, your face! Lita, the bishop thinks I'm a heathen. This is
my child. May we go to your room before luncheon? Well, I never know.
I'm so afraid of breaking some of their silly rules in this place. Oh,
I hope Miss Barton did not hear me say that. I've asked that nice fat
girl with the red hair to lunch with us at the inn. I'd rather like
to ask the bishop too—he's rather sweet," she added regretfully as
Lita began to lead her away in the direction of her dormitory. "But I
suppose you girls wouldn't be amused by a bishop."
"Mother dear," said Lita, "prepare yourself for a shock."
"You've been expelled," said Mrs. Hazlitt as if it had come at last, as
she always knew it would.
"No, it's almost worse. Father is here too."
Mrs. Hazlitt stopped short and looked at her child.
"What?" she exclaimed, and the final t of the word was like a bullet.
"But this is my Sunday."
"But he didn't know that."
"Didn't he, indeed? It's been my experience that your father usually
contrives to know anything that it's to his advantage to know—and the
other way round. He just thought he could get away with it. Well, he
can't!"
"He's been away on business for three months, mother."
"Has he so? Fortunately I am no longer obliged to keep track of your
father's comings and goings—especially the latter. When I did attempt
to—"
She paused, bitterly brooding on her past anxieties; and Lita, taking
her again by the arm, succeeded in setting her in motion. They entered
the building where Lita lived, mounted the stairs in silence and went
to Lita's room. Aurelia, who shared the room, being in the infirmary,
secured them from interruption.
Mrs. Hazlitt walked at once to the window and peered out in all
directions; but the window did not command that part of the grounds
which lay between the chapel and the main gate. Finding the object of
her hostile interest was not in sight, she turned back to her child.
"It's really too much," she said, "that I cannot have my one quiet
Sunday a month with you. I never wanted you to go to boarding school at
all. I only yielded because your coming here gave your father a place
where he could see you without being obliged to come to my house—not
pleasant for either of us. But it's a mistake to yield an inch to some
people, as I ought to have known. I insist on my own Sunday. All other
days are open to him, except this one, and so, of course, that's just
the only one—"
"Only, mother dear, while he's been away I have been coming down to you
in New York for most of my Sundays."
Mrs. Hazlitt had a way of opening her large black eyes until her curved
lashes were flattened against her lids and looked as if they trimmed
her eyes with black fringe. She did it now.
"And does he complain of that?" she asked. "Isn't it natural for a girl
to spend her Sundays with her mother; or does he expect while he's away
you and I—"
"No, no, mother. He doesn't complain. Father isn't a complainer."
"Lita! You hurt my feelings very much, criticizing me like that."
"Dearest mums, I didn't criticize you."
"You did! You said I was always complaining."
"No, dear, I only said that father did not."
This was so true that Mrs. Hazlitt could not deny it, and so with great
quickness she shifted her ground.
"Isn't it something new," she said, "for you to feel it necessary to
defend your father at every sentence?"
"I wasn't exactly defending him. I only—"
"My dear, you don't need to apologize for defending your father—very
laudable, I'm sure. I feel deeply sorry for him myself—over forty,
without a natural human tie. Only I do not feel called on to give up
one of my few opportunities of being with you in order to suit his
caprices."
"Is it exactly a—"
"It is exactly that. Rather late in the day for him to begin to
discover the responsibilities of parenthood. Is he to have all the
rewards?"
It did not seem a promising beginning; and Lita, in whom her mother's
rapidly reflected changes of idea always set up a sort of baffled
confusion, sighed. Her mother caught instantly that long-drawn-in
breath and went through a complete change of mood—as rapid as her
mental changes.
"Oh, well, of course you must lunch with him. I suppose that is what he
wants, isn't it?"
Lita simply adored her mother when she was suddenly kind and reasonable
like this. It was, the girl knew, a striking triumph of the maternal
instinct over the hardly less fundamental human instinct to stick up
for one's rights.
"Oh, mums, you are awfully good," she said.
This was not the right thing to say; perhaps nothing would have been.
"Don't thank me," her mother answered sharply, "as if I were doing you
a favor. I didn't suppose you were so crazy to leave me. Oh, I know;
and, after all, we have all the rest of our lives to spend together. Be
sure to get back in time to walk to the train with me."
Lita promised to be back immediately after luncheon was over, and she
added that she did really feel it was better to go to her father, as he
had said he had something he wished to discuss with her.
At this, Mrs. Hazlitt, who, strictly against the rules of the school,
had been sitting on Lita's bed, sprang up, and the girl at once began
to smooth the bed. She was always destroying evidence of Mrs. Hazlitt's
illegal conduct after one of her visits.
"Lita," exclaimed her mother, quite unconscious of any reproof in her
daughter's action, "he's going to be married again! Oh! I suppose I
should not have said that, but what else could he want to discuss? I do
hope he is."
"Oh, I hope not!" said Lita, astonished to find how disagreeable the
idea was to her.
"But don't you see how it would get him out of our way? He could hardly
expect you to see much of a new bride, particularly the kind— Women
pursue him so; they think that manner of his covers such a lot; they
learn different.... No, Lita, not that hat—like Tweedle-dee in the
saucepan. If you come down to me next Sunday I'll get you one that
matches the foulard."
Suddenly they began to talk about clothes, and spoke of nothing else
until it was time for Lita to go.
She thought as she ran across the green that she of all people ought
to understand why her parents couldn't get on. Sometimes her mother
made her feel as if she were clinging to a slippery hillside while an
avalanche passed over her; and sometimes her father made her feel as
if she were trying to roll a gigantic stone up that same hill. But
then, on the other hand, sometimes her mother made her feel gay and
stimulated, and her father gave her calm and serenity. And, after all,
she hadn't chosen them; and they had chosen each other.
Her father was already waiting for her in his little car, a runabout
body on a powerful foreign chassis. Everything that Mr. Hazlitt had was
good of its kind and well kept up. He was sitting in the driver's seat,
reading the sporting sheet of a morning paper, his knees crossed and
one elbow over the back of the seat. He looked young and smart. Other
cars were waiting—closed cars full of heavy bald parents. Lita felt
a glow of pride. To go out with her father was like going out with a
dangerous young man. Fortunately the diversity of tastes between her
parents extended to their places of lodging. Her mother always stayed
at an old-fashioned inn near the school grounds, whereas her father,
who motored the forty miles from New York, and so never spent the
night, preferred to eat at the hotel in the nearest town.
She got in beside him and they drove for some time in silence. Then he
said, and she saw he had been thinking it over for some time:
"Lita, I want to speak to you about interrupting. It's a habit a great
many women allow themselves to form. It's not only rude, but it's
extremely irritating—alienating, indeed." He went on to assert that
such a habit might even wreck her married life. A man, he said, who was
interrupted every time he opened his mouth might get so that he never
spoke at all; never told his wife things she ought to know.
Lita glanced at him sympathetically. Did the poor dear suppose she
did not know just what he meant? She had suffered herself. Her mother
often accused her of concealing things which she had tried repeatedly
to tell; only her mother, with her mind running like a hound on some
other idea, did not even hear. And yet on the other hand she had
felt sympathetic when, not long before, her mother had delivered a
short lecture on the treachery of silence; she had said—and quite
truly—that a silence could be just as much of a lie as a spoken word.
She wondered if she were a weak nature, agreeing with everyone who
spoke to her.
At the hotel she found her father had ordered a special luncheon for
her delight, composed of all the things he liked best himself. The
regular hotel dinner, with its immense opportunities for choice, would
have been a treat to Lita after the monotony of school fare; but she
enjoyed the prestige that the special order gave them in the eyes of
the dragoonlike head waitress, who never left their table. That was one
of the amusing things about going out with her father. He had a quiet
assumption of importance which made everyone think him important.
They had been at table several minutes before he spoke. He said, "If
you take so much sauce you lose the flavor of the fish."
"I like the flavor of the sauce best," said Lita, and he smiled, a
little sadly, as if he were at a loss to understand how his child could
be such an utter barbarian.
Conscious that she had not quite so much time as he thought she had,
she hurried to the point and asked him what it was he wanted to
discuss. He seemed to be thinking deeply, which alarmed her; then he
reached out and added a dash of pepper to his fish.
"Oh," he said, "I find I must go to Italy on business next summer. I
wonder if you could arrange it with your mother so that you could go
with me."
"Mercy!" exclaimed Lita. "I was afraid you were going to tell me you
were going to be married again."
He looked up with a swift dark glance.
"Who put that idea into your head?" he asked.
"No one; it just occurred to me."
Where opposing affections exist, a lady, as much as a gentleman, is
obliged to lie.
"That was your mother's idea," said her father, and gave a short,
bitter laugh, as if human depravity could hardly go lower than to have
made such a suggestion.
Well, Lita thought, perhaps her mother ought not to have said it; and
yet, why not? Her father had remarried once. It made her feel old and
cold, always to be obliged to weigh criticisms and complaints, to
decide which of the two people she loved best in the world was right
and which was wrong, every other minute. How she envied girls who could
accept their parents as a unit!
Seeing her father's mind still occupied with his wrongs, she turned the
conversation back to Italy. Of course, she would adore going—at least
she would if her mother would agree to it.
"Of course, we could not go otherwise," said her father, and there was
somehow in his tone the suggestion that he and his poor child were in
the grip of an irrational and arbitrary power. After a moment he added,
"And we'd stop in Paris on our way back and get you a lot of things."
He smiled—he had a delightful, merry smile, quite at variance to his
habitual blankness. "I don't suppose that idea is exactly repugnant to
you?"
It wasn't, though Lita knew it was practically bribery. She adored
shopping with her father. His method was simple. He went to the best
shop and asked for their best things. If he liked them he bought them.
If he didn't like them he went to the next-best shop. There was no
haggling, no last-minute doubts whether, since the expense was so
great, she really needed to get the things after all. Her father in
Paris! It was a delirious thought.
"I should enjoy Paris with you, Pat," she said. He smiled with a faint
suggestion that others had felt the same way. "If only mother approves."
"I don't see that there is anything to disapprove of, even for your
mother, in a man's taking his daughter to Paris."
"What I mean is if she is really cordial about it. I could not go if
she weren't cordial."
"Then," said her father, "we may as well give it up at once. For, of
course, your mother won't be cordial. She won't want you to go. She
never wants you out of her sight if she can help it."
"Father, mother isn't a bit selfish like that."
"I never said she was. It is natural she should want you to be with
her. Please get it into your head, Lita, that I should never under any
circumstances criticize your mother—least of all to you."
Lita looked at him reflectively. If he had been Aurelia she would have
said "Bunk, my dear, and you know it." That was the way she and Aurelia
carried on their relation—in the open. Candor cleared the air; but
older people, Lita had found, did not really want the air cleared.
They could not stand criticism; perhaps that was why they were always
insisting that they did not criticize, when as a matter of fact they
never did anything else.
Luncheon pursued its delicious but somewhat leisurely way. Mr. Hazlitt
lit a cigar and sent the coffee back to be heated. It was a pleasant
moment. Lita was conscious that he was treating her more as an equal
companion than ever before. She was enjoying herself, and yet in the
back of her mind was a distressing awareness that time was passing and
she ought to be getting back to school to her mother.
"The truth is," her father was saying, "that as one gets older one
loses the power, or perhaps the wish, to make new friends; and one
clings to the old ties. I hope you will arrange eventually, when you
are twenty-one, to spend at least half the year with me. I shall be in
a position then to make some long expeditions—China and Patagonia, and
I should like you to go with me."
Lita's imagination took fire, but she said loyally, "But how about
mother, Pat? I suppose she's lonely too."
Mr. Hazlitt laughed shortly.
"Your mother," he said, "unless she has changed very much, probably
does not spend one waking hour in the twenty-four alone. I doubt if she
ever loses the power of making new friends—quite indiscriminately.
And, after all, I am only asking for half your time."
"But, father, suppose I should marry?"
Her father looked at her with startled eyes, as if she had suggested
something unnatural and wrong.
"Marry!" he said. "I hope you have no such idea in your head."
She had not. Indeed her immunity from the crushes which occupied so
much of the time and attention of her schoolmates occasioned her some
concern. She feared her nature was a cold one. She disclaimed the idea
of marriage, except as she had observed it in common.
"People do, you know," she said.
"A good many would be wiser if they didn't," said her father. "I am
particularly opposed to young marriages."
He and her mother had married when they were young.
Presently she was obliged to tell him that she must go. He did not
gainsay her decision, but she saw he took it as meaning that she had
not really enjoyed herself. Yet when she tried to say she had—that
she was sorry to leave him—it kept sounding as if she were saying it
was a bore to go back and walk to the station with her mother. If only
she could be loyal to one parent without being disloyal to the other!
She was a little bit late at the school. Her mother was just starting
without her.
"Oh, I understand," she said, without listening to Lita's explanation.
"Very natural. You were enjoying yourself; you don't need to explain."
Lita saw she was hurt but had determined to be nice about it.
They started on their walk. First they crossed the athletic fields;
then their way would lie through the school woods, and then across
stony fields, and then they would come out on the macadam road to the
station—about three miles across country.
The Italian trip, which had seemed so simple and pleasant when her
father mentioned it, now began to take on the appearance of a dark
conspiracy. Lita thought that she would far rather give it up than
mention it, only she had promised her father that she would speak of
it that afternoon so that he might have plenty of time to make his
arrangements. He was very particular about special cabins on a special
boat. Oh, dear, with her mother's feelings already a little hurt, it
wasn't going to be easy! Mrs. Hazlitt herself started conversation.
"And so you had a delightful lunch?" she said, trying to be nice, but
also trying to find out what it was her child's father had wanted to
discuss, for she was curious by nature.
"Yes, very nice. Pat's going to Italy next summer on business."
"Really?" said her mother, without special interest. "Some people's
business does take them to the nicest places."
Lita suddenly wondered how it would work if she forced these
insinuations of her parents to their logical conclusions.
"Don't you believe father really has business in Italy?" she inquired
mildly.
"Of course he has if he says so. What funny things you say, Lita! Your
father is one of the most accurate people I ever knew—if he makes an
assertion. Well, if he goes to Italy that will leave us entirely free.
I thought perhaps it would amuse you if I took a house at Southampton
this summer. Of course, when I was young Newport was the place; but now
I'm told the young people prefer—"
"But, mother," said Lita, and she felt just the way she did before she
dived into cold water, "he wants to take me with him."
Mrs. Hazlitt merely laughed.
"A likely idea!" she said.
"And I told him I would ask you how you felt about it."
Her mother stopped short and looked at her. Then she said, and each
syllable dropped lower and lower like pebbles falling down a well, "In
fact—you want—to go."
It was hard to be truthful.
"Well, yes, in a way, I should like to go; at least I thought so when
Pat spoke of it." She thought she ought to go as far as this, but even
this moderate statement was fatal.
"You shall not go!" said her mother, her eyes beginning to enlarge as
they did in moments of emotion until they seemed to fill her whole
face. "I won't hear of it—or go—go if you want to. I never want
anyone to stay with me as a duty."
"Mother dear, I don't care. I don't really want to go; it was just an
idea."
"Do at least be honest about it. Of course you want to go, or you would
not have promised to try to work me round to agreeing to it—conspiring
together. No, of course I don't mean that. Nothing could be more
natural at your age than to snatch at any pleasure that comes. I don't
blame you—a child—but him—trying to steal you—"
Her nostrils began to tremble on her quick intaken breaths.
"Father did not mean—"
"Of course you don't think so; but you don't know him as well as I
do," said her mother. "I suppose you've utterly forgotten how little
he cared for you when you were a child; but now that all the care and
responsibility is over—"
She simply could not go on.
Lita, a little constrained by this display of emotion, said, smiling,
"It's nice to know I'm no care, mother." But as an effort at the light
touch it was not a success.
Mrs. Hazlitt did not even hear her. She went on: "Now he's ready to
charm you and tempt you away so as to leave me alone again. Oh, never
love anyone, Lita, when you grow up! It's all pain. Be like your
father; take what you want and go on your own horrible way, leaving
destruction behind you." She covered her face with her hands, not
because she was crying, but to hide the chattering of her teeth; and
then as a new idea swept over her she dropped them again and continued:
"It's all my own fault. I've been too absurdly honorable. I've brought
you up to respect and admire him, when all the weapons were in my hands
and I might just as well have taught you to despise him as he deserves.
I wish I had. Oh, how I wish I had! I've never said a word against your
father, have I, Lita?"
"Never—never, dearest," said Lita. She thought to herself, "They are
making me a liar between them, but I couldn't say anything else to her
just now."
She was not a prig, but she could hardly help feeling that sense of
superiority—of being in control of the situation—that the calm are so
apt to experience in the presence of turgid emotions.
Mrs. Hazlitt suddenly turned back to her.
"But you don't really want to go with him?" she said as hopefully as if
a minute before she had not considered the contrary as proved.
"No, mother, I don't."
"These silent people! Fortunately I know him like a book. He's probably
been plotting this for months. I see what he's up to. He wants to get
things so that by the time that you're twenty-one you'll be willing to
spend some of your time with him; but you wouldn't do that, would you?"
"Nothing could ever come between you and me, mother. That's the solid
comfort of a mo—"
"You don't answer what I say; you are keeping back some of your
thoughts, just like your father. Oh, I couldn't bear it if you grew
like him! No one is ever so candid as I am. What is in your mind?"
"Nothing, mother. It crossed my mind that I might marry some day."
"Marry!" Her mother's tone, given the difference of sex and
temperament, was identical with her father's; as if marriage were a
crime other people's daughters might commit, but not her lovely child.
"What in heaven's name are you talking about, Lita?"
"Well, mother, you were mar—"
"And do you quote my case? Marriage! No, not until you are twenty-five
at least. Don't mention the word to me!"
At least there was one subject on which her parents were in hearty
agreement—the first, as far as she could remember, that she had ever
found. They did not want her to marry. But, she reflected, as she
joggled home alone on the back seat of the school flivver, was it
entirely interest in her welfare that made them opposed? Wasn't it
rather that they needed her to fill the gap in their lives that their
own separation had made? This, she thought, was the real objection
to divorce—that it made parents too emotionally dependent on their
children. Suppose she died. She considered the possibility steadily.
Why, yes, if she died they would probably come together in their grief.
She saw a little picture of herself in the infirmary, with her parents
standing hand in hand at the foot of the bed. And yet one really could
not commit suicide in order to reconcile one's parents.
Well, Italy was now out of the question; Italy was canned. She must
write to her father immediately that she could not go, and she must do
it so as not to make her mother seem selfish, and so as not to hurt her
father's feelings. Some letter, she thought. She saw herself walking
the deck of an enormous steamer, hanging on his arm, ordering meals in
amusing restaurants, the Paris shops gleaming with hats and jewels and
beaded bags and fans, all for her. Of course it was natural that she
wanted to go....
The car stopped at the door of the main school building, and she sprang
out, free at last to give her attention to Aurelia. Strangely enough,
though she did not love her friend so much as she did her parents, she
worried more about her, as one equal about another.
The infirmary, a neat white cottage, was set in a remote corner of the
grounds. As Lita bounded up the steps she met Miss Barton coming out.
Every head of a school, perhaps every head of an institution, perhaps
everyone in the world, acquires an artificial manner to serve as
a method of holding off crises. Some adopt the genial, some the
meditative, some the stern. Miss Barton had chosen the intellectually
airy. As a problem was presented to her she would say "Ah, yes," with a
faint, calm smile, as if that special problem were so easy and familiar
she might float away to something more stimulating without remembering
to give you the answer. She was a tall, good-looking woman, pale eyed,
pale skinned, with thick, crinkly gray hair, parted and drawn down to a
knot at the nape of her neck; it looked exactly like a wig, but wasn't.
She stopped Lita.
"Oh," she said with her habitual gay casualness, "we have been looking
for you. Don't be alarmed, but it seems that Aurelia has appendicitis."
"Yes I felt pretty sure she had," answered Lita.
Miss Barton did not think it worth while to contradict this absurd
assertion. She merely smiled on one side of her face and replied that
the doctors themselves had only decided it fifteen minutes before. It
appeared that Aurelia was eager to see her friend before the operation.
"She's in Room 11," said Miss Barton. "They will operate as soon as
they can get things ready. Don't alarm her. There is no risk nowadays,
nothing to be excited about."
"Is she excited?"
"I think not."
"Of course she isn't."
It is hard sometimes to be patient with older people, playing their own
rôles so busily they lose all sense of other individualities. Aurelia,
Lita imagined, was probably the calmest person in the infirmary.
In Room 11 she found her roommate lying on her side, very pale, with
her dark hair dragged back and tightly braided. The nurse was moving in
and out and the two girls were practically alone, while the following
dialogue took place.
"Pain?"
"Oh, my!"
"Poor kid!"
"Lita, in my shoe box there are five pictures of Gene Valentine, and a
note—"
"From him?"
"No, dodo, from me—a rough draft. Get them, will you?"
"You bet!"
"Thanks."
Then the nurse came in to say that everything was ready, and Lita
was hurried out of the room. She kept telling herself that there was
nothing to worry about, but her heart was beating oddly.
In the hall a young man was standing; or rather, from Lita's point of
view, an older man, for he must have been twenty-eight or nine. He was
attired in a long white robe rather like a cook—or an angel. The sight
of him dressed thus for his work upset Lita and made her feel like
crying; in fact she did cry.
"Don't you worry," said the young man in a deep voice—a splendid,
rolling, velvet sort of voice. "We've got the best man in the country
to operate; there's no danger."
"Is that you—the best man in the country?"
He laughed.
"To be candid, no," he said. "I'm Doctor Burroughs' assistant. He's the
best there is. There is nothing to cry about."
"If people only cried when there was something to cry about," said
Lita; and added in an exclamation of the deepest concern, "Oh,
goodness!"
Her tone alarmed the young man.
"What is it?"
"I haven't got a handkerchief."
He lifted his apron and from the pocket of his blue serge trousers he
produced an unfolded handkerchief, which he gave her.
"I have a little sister just about your age," he said.
Lita's face was in the handkerchief as she asked. "How old?"
"Let me see," said the doctor. "I think she must be twelve."
A slight sound that might have been a sob escaped from Lita, and the
doctor was so moved with compassion that he patted her on the head.
Then the door of Room 11 opened and his professional duties called him
away.
A moment later he came out, bearing Aurelia away to the operating room,
and Lita went into Room 11 to wait. He promised as he passed to come
and tell her as soon as it was over.
She felt perfectly calm now as she sat grasping his handkerchief in her
hand. It was fine and embroidered in two letters—L. D. She ran over
the L names and found she liked nearly all of them—Lawrence, Lionel,
Leopold—not so good, though Leo was all right—Lewis—oh, of course,
it was Lewis! She said the word aloud.
How still the house was! Now they were probably giving Aurelia the
anæsthetic; now—
There was no use speculating about what D stood for. He thought she was
twelve, did he? She put her hand up to where his had rested on the top
of her head. She could not begin to make hers cover the same area. He
must have a large hand. Well, that was all right; he was a large man.
She could see his face before her, smooth as to skin and rather jutty
as to outline of brows and jaw, and his heavy, thick, short, black
hair, almost like an Indian's in texture. And she had thought that she
preferred blond men. L. D.—Lita D.... She wondered if she ought to go
immediately and hunt up those photographs of Aurelia's. What a time it
would make if they should be found before she got there! How long would
this take—an hour? Would he really come back himself, or would he send
that light-hearted, gray-haired nurse who looked like Marie Antoinette?
If he patted her on the head he might even—Lawrence—Leonard—
Suddenly he was in the room again, smelling horribly of disinfectants.
"It's all right—all over," he said. He began to pluck ineffectually at
the back buttons of his white robe. "Help me, there's a good child," he
said, stooping so that she could reach.
She undid the buttons, the garment slipped to the floor, and he stood
revealed as a normal young man in his shirt and dark blue serge
trousers. He began rolling down his shirt sleeves, talking as he did so.
"Your friend has good nerve—brave and calm. Your sister? No? What's
your name?"
"Hazlitt."
Too kind to smile at this infantile assumption of importance, his eyes
did laugh a little, but he said, "I meant your first name."
"Lita. What's yours?"
"Luke— Well, Lita, I'm going to write to Effie about you. Wait! Where
are you off to in such a hurry?"
She could not tell him that she was going to destroy the patient's
compromising correspondence.
She said mysteriously, "I must go. You've been so kind. Good-by." For
one tense moment she thought he was going to kiss her.
Evidently there is such a thing as thought transference, for as she
drew back she heard him saying, "No, certainly not. I should not dream
of kissing a lady of your mature years."
"You never kiss ladies of mature years?" murmured Lita in the manner of
a six-year child.
"Well, I know how Effie feels on the subject. She boxed the ears of
our local congressman for a salute which he offered merely as a vote
getter. It was a terrible shock to him."
"You have a shock coming to you," she answered gently, and left the
room.
She had a shock of her own on entering her bedroom, for Miss Jones, the
house mistress, was already busy with Aurelia's bureau drawers. Had she
or had she not lifted the top of the shoe box? It was necessary to act
quickly; but fortunately Miss Jones was young and pleasant and easy to
get round. If it had been Miss Barton— The school often commented with
a sort of wondering irritation on the fact that in dealing with girls
Miss Barton was not absolutely an idiot.
"Halloo, Jonesy dear," said Lita with a soft friendliness which in
pupils is somewhat like the bearing of gifts by Greeks. "She's all
right. The operation's over, the doctor told me."
Miss Jones was winding pink ribbon on a card, and answered, "Oh,
isn't he wonderful? Of all the great men I ever met Doctor Burroughs
inspires—"
"It wasn't Doctor Burroughs. It was the other one, his
assistant—what's his name? It begins with a D."
But Miss Jones didn't know anything about the assistant, and drew
Lita's attention from a subject tolerably absorbing by asking if she
knew where Aurelia kept her bedroom slippers.
"Look here, Jonesy," said Lita. "Who is that queer-looking man—like a
tramp—on the piazza downstairs?"
"I'll run down and see," said Miss Jones.
She was small, but there was something about her manner which would
have made anything but a mythical tramp tremble.
When she had gone Lita opened the shoe box and found five large
photographs of Eugene Valentine lying on top of the shoes: one in the
aviator's uniform of his new play; one in his coronation robes in
his last success, The King is Bored; and the other three just Eugene
Valentine, with the light shining on the ridges of his wavy light hair.
He was an awfully good-looking man, Lita thought—if you liked blonds.
She laid the photographs under the paper in the bureau drawer Miss
Jones had finished tidying. The draft of the letter had slipped down
among the shoes, and Lita had only time to thrust it into the pocket of
the coat she was wearing before Miss Jones was back again, saying that
the tramp must have gone away.
Supper that evening was exciting. The great Doctor Burroughs had driven
magnificently back to town in his car before Aurelia was fairly out
of the anæsthetic; but he had left his assistant behind him—a clever
young fellow. Miss Barton murmured she hoped he was tactful, discreet;
one had to be careful in a school—parents, you know. Doctor Burroughs
assured her she need give herself no concern; Doctor Dacer was quite
safe—minded his own business—no trouble with the nurses or anything
like that—just the sort of young man to leave in a girls' school. Even
the wisest may be betrayed into sweeping statements when in a hurry to
get away to Sunday dinner.
Lita, as chairman of the self-government committee, sat at the head of
one of the senior tables—a conspicuous position. The girls were all in
their places before Miss Barton came in with the tactful and discreet
young fellow. It was the school's first view of him, and Lita could
hear the comments of her peers rising about her:
"Looks a little like Doug."
"Isn't Aurelia the lucky stiff?"
"What are the symptoms of appendicitis? I feel them coming on."
She tried not to look at Miss Barton's table, and when she did she
met his eye. He nodded and smiled with open friendliness; and bending
toward Miss Jones, with his eyes still on hers, asked quite obviously
for details about his little friend. Lita saw the smile fade from
his face as he received them. Then a quite different smile flickered
across his face; the smile of a man who says to himself, "To have even
mentioned kissing the chairman of the self-government committee!"
As they were all moving out of the dining room again, Miss Barton
called Lita to her.
"You will be glad to know," she said, "that Doctor Dacer says Aurelia
will be up within two weeks—no complications—no danger. This is Lita
Hazlitt, Doctor Dacer, Aurelia's best friend."
The doctor showed some of his advertised caution by merely bowing, but
Lita answered, "Oh, yes, Doctor Dacer was so kind this afternoon." And
looking up at him she asked, "Have you written to Effie yet?"
"Not yet," he returned politely; but below the level of the teacher's
eyes a clenched fist made a distinctly menacing gesture in Lita's
direction, and the corner of Lita's mouth, which occasionally created a
dimple, just trembled. The doctor turned to Miss Barton, and it would
be hard to imagine anything more professional than his manner as he
said, "My patient seems to be very dependent on Miss Hazlitt. She was
just asking for her. I think it would be a good idea if Miss Hazlitt
could be in and out of the infirmary a good deal during the next few
days."
"Of course, of course," said Miss Barton, who, though trained to
distrust girls, was not trained to distrust doctors. "Aurelia is so
alone, poor child." And lowering her voice as she moved away, with the
doctor bending politely so as not to miss a syllable, Lita could hear a
murmur:
"These terrible divorces! Do you know that over twenty of my girls—"
Lita found herself excused from sacred reading that evening so that she
might sit with her friend.
Yet oddly enough, when she reached the infirmary the white-haired nurse
seemed surprised to see her, and said that the doctor had given the
patient something to make her sleep before he had gone to supper, and
that she ought not to wake until morning—at least they hoped not.
But at that moment Dacer came out of another room, where he had
evidently been smoking a pipe, and said, "Oh, well, stick round a
little. She might wake up."
The nurse gave him a sharp look; and then, being really discreet and
tactful, retired into Room 11 and shut the door. Lita and the doctor
were left facing each other in the hall.
"Let's go out," he said, "where I can smoke. It's a good sort of
evening—with a moon."
"Mercy!" answered Lita. "How do you think a girls' school is run? I
couldn't do that."
"I thought the chairman of the self-government committee could do
anything."
"On the contrary, she has to be particularly careful, and not go about
exposing herself to being patted on the head."
"She was lucky worse than that didn't happen, masquerading as an
infant." And then, without the slightest pause, but with a complete
change of tone, Lita heard him saying: "No, I'm sorry; but I think it
would be better not tonight.... Ah, Miss Barton, I was just saying to
Miss Hazlitt that as the patient had fallen asleep it would be better
not to disturb her again tonight."
"Of course," said Miss Barton, who, it appeared, was coming upstairs
behind Lita's back. "I think if you ran back to the study, Lita, you'd
get in for the end of the reading."
And as she turned obediently away she heard Miss Barton suggesting that
if Doctor Dacer found the infirmary dull, the sitting room in her
cottage was at his service. No, Doctor Dacer had a good deal of work
to do. Lita smiled to herself. He had not seemed so busy a few minutes
before.
She had never been in love—never even deeply interested before. She
had looked with surprise and envy on her classmates; not only Aurelia,
with her devouring passion for Valentine; but Carrie Waldron, the
senior president, who worshiped a dark-eyed motion-picture actor; and
Doris Payne, who loved a great violinist to whom she never expected
to speak. The authorities were terribly down on this sort of thing;
but Lita, who knew more about it than the authorities, was not sure.
Would Carrie be studying Spanish at odd moments so as to know more
about her idol's great bull-fighter part—would Doris work so hard at
her music—would Aurelia be learning Romeo and Juliet by heart as she
did her hair in the morning—Romeo was a part Valentine was always
contemplating—if it were not for love? More, would Miss Barton's
course in English constitutional history be so interesting if Miss
Barton did not feel—as the school had discovered—a romantic passion
for Oliver Cromwell? Certainly not!
Her mother thought these excitements vulgar. She said if girls must be
silly, why not be silly about people in their own class of life? But
Lita explained that the boys they knew were not so thrilling. Had her
mother, she asked, never bought the picture of an actor? "Never!" said
her mother with conviction; but Aunt Minnie, who happened to be there,
said, "Nonsense, Alita! You had a picture of Sothern as the Prisoner
of Zenda." Mrs. Hazlitt said that she hadn't, and that was entirely
different anyhow.
The only result of the conversation was that Mrs. Hazlitt began to
suspect Lita of some such ill-bred passion—most unjustly. The whole
subject had had merely a theoretical interest for Lita. She was too
practical to be fired by these intangible heroes—dream, dead or
dramatic.
But now, even that first Sunday, as she stepped out of the infirmary
into the bare March moonlight, she found that real life could hold the
same thrill for her that dreams did for these others.
"And that," she said to herself, "is where I have the best of it."
Lita had developed a technic by which she slept through the rising gong
and for the next twenty-five minutes, allowing herself thus exactly
five minutes to get up, dress and reach the dining room. But the
morning after her friend's operation she woke with the gong, and five
minutes later was on her way to the infirmary, first tying her tie and
then smoothing down her hair as she went.
As she ran up the stairs of the infirmary, a voice—whose owner must
have recognized the almost inaudible patter of her feet—called to her
from the small dining room of the cottage. She put her face, flushed
with running, round the jamb of the door and saw Doctor Dacer seated
at breakfast. The nurse was toasting bread on an electric toaster,
and he was spreading a piece, just finished, with a thick crimson jam.
"Damson," Lita said to herself.
He looked at her.
"Youth's a great thing," he said.
"So the old are always saying," Lita answered. "But there's a catch in
it; they get back at you for being young."
"Does that mean you think I'm old?" Dacer asked patiently; and the
nurse with the white hair exclaimed to herself "Goodness!" as if to her
they both seemed about the same age.
Lita cocked her head on one side.
"Well," she said, "you are too old to be my equal—I mean contemporary.
I mean contemporary," she added as they both laughed. Dacer, with
a more complete answer, gave her the piece of toast he had been
preparing. It was delicious—cool and smooth and sweet on top, and hot
and buttery below. Lita consumed it in silence, and then with a deep
sigh as she sucked a drop of jam from her forefinger, she said, "How
noble that was! Sometimes I'm afraid I'm greedy."
"Of course you are," said Dacer, as if greed were a splendid quality.
"Sit down and have some coffee.... Have you been introduced to Miss
Waverley? She hates men."
"Goodness!" said Miss Waverley, glancing over her shoulder, as if it
were mildly amusing that a man should think he knew anything about how
she felt.
"Or is it only doctors?" Dacer went on.
"Men patients are worse," said Miss Waverley.
"Don't go away," said Dacer to Lita. "You are always going away."
"I came to see Aurelia."
"I know, but it's customary to discuss the case first with the
surgeon—in some detail too. Sit down."
But she would not do that; her first duty was to her friend. She knew
Aurelia would want to know that the photographs and the letter were
safe. She stayed by her bedside until it was time to leap downstairs
and run across the campus to the dining room, her appetite merely edged
by the toast and jam.
Monday was a busy day for Lita. Immediately after luncheon her
committee met and went over the reports of the monitors for the week;
and then there was basket ball for two hours, and then study. The
tennis courts were near the athletic field, and as Lita played with the
first team she could hear a deep voice booming out the score as Doctor
Dacer and Miss Jones played set after set. Miss Jones had been tennis
champion of her college the year before. Lita sent out a young scout
to bring her word how the games were going, and learned that Dacer was
winning. He must be pretty good, then—Jonesy was no slouch. She would
have taunted him in the evening, when she went to say good night to
Aurelia, if he had let himself be beaten by Jonesy.
Every Monday evening Miss Fraser, the English teacher, read aloud
to the senior members of her class. Miss Fraser was something of a
problem, because she was so much more a lover of literature than a
teacher. She inspired the girls with a fine enthusiasm for the best;
but in the process she often incited them to read gems of the language
which their parents considered unsuited to their youth. Shakspere she
read quite recklessly, sometimes forgetting to use the expurgated
edition. When Miss Barton suggested pleasantly that perhaps Antony and
Cleopatra was not quite the most appropriate of the plays, Miss Fraser
answered, "Don't they read worse in the newspapers in bad prose?"
At present she was conservatively engaged in reading Much Ado About
Nothing. No one could object to that, she said. She made it seem witty
and contemporary.
Lita slipped over to the infirmary between supper and the reading to
bid Aurelia good night. Dacer wasn't there. She stayed, talking a few
minutes with Aurelia, who was well enough to hear about the tramp and
the bedroom slippers and a little school gossip. Lita asked casually
where the doctor was, but no one seemed to know.
When a little later she entered Miss Fraser's study she found to her
surprise that he was there, settled in a corner. Miss Fraser explained
that Doctor Dacer was the son of an old friend of hers; he had been
kind enough to say that it would be a pleasure to him to stay and hear
the reading. She need not have felt under the necessity of apologizing
to the six or seven members of her class. They felt no objection to his
presence.
Lita was knitting a golf sweater for her father. She could do it at
school, but not at home, for her mother was so discouraging about it.
She had already objected to its color, shape and pattern; had felt sure
that Lita's father wouldn't appreciate the sentiment, and wouldn't wear
anything that did not come from a good shop. Probably after all Lita's
trouble he'd give it to his manservant. But Lita did not think he would.
The nice thing about knitting is that it leaves the eyes disengaged—at
least to an expert, and Lita was expert. She resolved that she would
not look at Dacer; and did not for the first half hour or so, for she
had a comfortable knowledge that he was looking at her. Then, just
once, their eyes met. It was while Miss Fraser was reading these lines:
But nature never fram'd a woman's heart
Of prouder stuff than that of Beatrice:
Disdain and scorn ride sparkling in her eyes,
Misprising what they look on; and her wit
Values itself so highly, that to her
All matter else seems weak.
She cannot love——
Holding her glance, he seemed to nod his head as if to say that was a
perfect description of her. Could he mean that? Did he mean that? She
averted her eyes hastily, and when she looked back again he had folded
his arms and was staring off over everybody's head, very blank and
magnificent, unaware of the existence of little schoolgirls. Had she
offended him?
She decided that the next morning at the infirmary, while she was
eating his toast and jam, she would ask him a pointed question about
the character of Beatrice. She gave a good deal of time to framing the
question—wasted time, for when she reached the infirmary she found he
had gone—had taken a late train to New York the night before. Lita
remembered he had looked at his watch once or twice toward the end of
the reading.
"Yes," said the nurse cheerfully, "we're doing so well we don't need
him." It was the second nurse. Miss Waverley had gone with the doctor.
Lita's frightened eyes sought Aurelia's, who framed the words: "Back
Thursday."
She framed them as if two—almost three days were nothing. Lita, who
knew no more of the Einstein theory than the name, discovered that
time was relative; that Tuesday morning took what in old times she
would have considered several weeks in passing; and that each study
period—in the words of William James—lay down like a cow on the
doorstep and refused to get up and go on. The truth was that time had
never been time to Lita; it had been action. Now it was emptiness,
something to be filled; and yet she couldn't fill it; it was a
bottomless abyss. Worse still, she couldn't concentrate. She went to
the blackboard to do an original—a simple thing she would have tossed
off in a minute in old times—and couldn't think how to begin; she, the
best geometer in the class. This was serious, and it was queer. Lita
couldn't, as she said to Aurelia, get the hang of it. Time being her
problem—this sudden unexpected accumulation of time on her hands—she
might have been expected to spend it doing the practical, obvious
things that had to be done. Not at all. She was incapable of exertion.
She could not study; and even the letter to her father, saying the
Italian trip was impossible, was never written.
She had a letter from him Wednesday morning in which he assumed that
she had not been able to bring her mother to any conclusion. He said he
would call her up when she came to town on Friday. Perhaps she would
dine with him on Saturday, and do a play. Ordinarily this would have
seemed an agreeable prospect; but now, since it was farther away than
Thursday, it had no real existence.
Late Wednesday afternoon her unalterable decision not to discuss Doctor
Dacer with anyone broke down, and she told Aurelia the whole story.
It took an hour—their meeting, everything that he had said, done and
looked, and all that she had felt. She paid a great price, however,
for this enjoyment—and she did enjoy it—for afterward the whole
experience became more a narrative and less a vital memory.
Thursday morning was the worst of all. Thursday morning was simply
unbearable, until about noon, when she heard the whistle of the first
possible New York train. After that things went very well until about
five, when she had a moment to run over to see Aurelia and heard that
the doctor had not come—had decided not to come until the next day,
Friday.
As far as she was concerned, he might as well not have come at all. All
her joy in the anticipated meeting was dead; but this might possibly
have reawakened, except that on Friday she did not have a minute until
the three-o'clock train, which she was taking to New York. Of course,
she could develop a cold or some mysterious ailment which would keep
her at school over Sunday, even in the infirmary; but deceit was not
attractive to her; though, as she would have said herself, she was not
narrow-minded about it.
The girls of Elbridge Hall were not supposed to make the trip to New
York by themselves; but sometimes a prudent senior—and who is prudent
if not the chairman of the self-government committee?—might be put
on the train at Elbridge by a teacher and sent off alone, on the
telephoned promise of a parent to meet her on her arrival at the Grand
Central.
When, under the chaperonage of Jonesy, Lita stepped out of the school
flivver at the station she saw that Doctor Dacer was there before her.
He must have come up in a morning train, seen his patient and walked to
the station. Wild possibilities rose at once in the girl's mind. Could
he have known from Aurelia? Could he have arranged— No, for he took
no interest in her arrival; hardly glanced in her direction. He was
smoking, and when the train came he got into the smoking car without so
much as glancing back to see where Jonesy was bestowing Lita.
The train, which was a slow one, was empty. Lita settled herself by a
window and opened her geometry. She said to herself:
"I simply will not sit and watch the door. If he means to come he'll
come, and my watching won't change things one way or the other."
She set her little jaw and turned to Monday's lesson: "To prove that
similar triangles are to each other as the squares of the medians drawn
to their homologous sides." The words conveyed absolutely nothing
to her. She read them three times. It wasn't that she couldn't do
the problem—she couldn't even think about it. She drew two similar
triangles. They seemed to sit side by side like a cat and a kitten. She
gave them whiskers and tails. Then, annoyed with herself, she produced
a ruler and constructed a neat figure. She tried reading the theorem
again, this time in a conversational tone, as if it were the beginning
of a story: "Similar triangles are to each other—"
The door opened, letting in the roar of the train and a disagreeable
smell of coal smoke.
"I will not look up," thought Lita; "I will not! I will not!" And
raising her eyes she saw that Dacer was there. She smiled not so much
in greeting as from pure joy.
He hadn't wasted much time. He took her books and bag from the seat
beside her and put them on the rack. Then he sat down and said, "Isn't
it dangerous to let such little girls travel by themselves?"
She found speech difficult between her heart's beating too fast and her
breath's coming too slow, but she did manage to say, "What does Effie
do?"
"Just what you do—she expects me to be on hand to look out for her."
"I didn't expect you."
"No? Can it be you are not such a clever girl as teacher always
thought?"
"I thought you were spending the night at Elbridge."
"So did I when I arrived, but my plans changed. I found that it would
be better for me to take the three-o'clock to town and go back on
Sunday afternoon, by the—what is the train that we take back on
Sunday?"
It was almost too serious for jests, and Lita said in a voice that just
didn't tremble that she took the 4:08.
Life is not often just right, not only in the present, but promising
in forty-eight hours to be just as good or better. Lita spent two
wonderful hours. First they talked about Aurelia—her courage, her
loneliness, her parents, divorce in general—and then Lita found
herself telling him the whole story of her own position in regard to
her parents. Even to Aurelia, with whom she talked so frankly, she
had never told the whole story—her own deep emotional reactions. She
found to her surprise that it was easier to tell a story of an intimate
nature to this stranger of an opposite sex than to her lifelong friend.
He understood so perfectly. He did not blame them; if he had she would
have felt called on to defend them; and he did not blame her; if he had
she would have been forced into attacking them. He just listened, and
seemed to think it was a normal and deeply interesting bit of life.
He interrupted her once to say, "But you must remember that they are
people as well as parents."
It seemed to her an inspired utterance. She did not always remember
that. She offered the excuse: "Yes, but I don't mind their being
divorced. Only why do they hate each other so?"
"How do you know they hate each other?"
Lita thought this was a queer thing to say after all that she had told
him—almost stupid. She explained again: They were always abusing each
other; nothing the other did was right; neither could bear her to speak
well of—
"They sound to me," said Dacer, "as if they were still fond of each
other." Then, as Lita just stared at him, he went on: "Didn't you know
that? The only people it's any fun to quarrel with are the people you
love."
"Oh, no."
"Well, I'm glad you haven't found it out as yet, but it's true."
"I never quarrel," said Lita.
"You will some day. I expect to quarrel a lot with my wife."
"I shall never quarrel with my husband."
"No? Well, perhaps I'm wrong then."
She was angry at herself for glancing up so quickly to see what he
could possibly mean by that except—he was looking at her gravely.
"Look here!" he said. "That's a mistake about Italy. You don't want to
go to Italy next summer."
She was aware of two contradictory impressions during the entire
journey—one that this was the most extraordinary and dramatic event,
and that no heroine in fiction had ever such an adventure; and the
other that it was absolutely inevitable, and that she was now for the
first time a normal member of the human species.
Nothing in the whole experience thrilled her more than the calm, almost
martial way in which he said as they were getting off the train at the
Grand Central, "Now we'll get a taxi."
She was obliged to explain to him that they couldn't; her mother would
be at the gate waiting for her—she always was.
Only this time she wasn't.
Meeting trains in the Grand Central, though it has not the phrenetic
difficulty of meeting trains in the Pennsylvania Station, where you
must watch two crowded stairways and a disgorging elevator in three
different directions, is not made too easy. To meet a train in the
Grand Central you must be in two widely separated spots at the same
time.
Mrs. Hazlitt, approaching the bulletin board through devious
subterranean routes, was caught in a stampede of those hurrying to
meet a belated Boston express; and when at last she wormed her way
to the front she saw that the impressive official with the glasses
well down on his nose and the extraordinary ability for making neat
figures had written down Track 12 for Lita's train. She turned liked
a hunted animal; and at the moment when Lita and Dacer were emerging
from the gate Mrs. Hazlitt was running from a point far to the west of
Vanderbilt Avenue to a track almost at Lexington. It was five o'clock,
and many heavier and more determined people were running for their
trains, so that she had a good many collisions and apologies before she
reached the gate where her daughter ought to have been.
The last passenger, carrying a bunch of flowers and a cardboard box
tied up with two different kinds of string, was just staggering through
on oddly shaped flat feet. Everyone else had disappeared. Mrs. Hazlitt
questioned the gateman. Had he seen a small young lady all alone who
seemed to be looking for someone? The gateman said that he could not
say he had, but would not care to say he had not. He possessed to
perfection the railroad man's art of not telling a passenger anything
he doesn't have to tell. His manner irritated Mrs. Hazlitt.
"I suppose you know," she said, "that you have horrible arrangements
for meeting trains."
"If some of us had our way we wouldn't have any arrangements at all,"
answered the gateman.
This shocked Mrs. Hazlitt; it seemed so autocratic. She opened her eyes
to their widest and felt she must argue the matter out with him.
"Do you mean," she asked, "that you would not let people meet trains?"
"I would not," said the gateman calmly, and having locked his gate he
went his way.
This had taken a few minutes, and by the time Mrs. Hazlitt had gone
back to the Vanderbilt Avenue entrance and found her car and driven
home, Lita was already in the library—alone.
One of the disadvantages experienced by people who express themselves
quickly is that while they are explaining how everything happened the
silent people of the world are making up their minds how much they will
tell. Mrs. Hazlitt was talking as she entered the room.
"I'm so sorry, my dear," she was saying. "Don't let's ever tell Miss
Barton. I wasn't really late—at least I would not have been if I had
not had to run miles and miles, knocking down commuters as I went. And
do you know what a gateman said to me, Lita, when I found I had missed
you? That people oughtn't to meet trains. I could have killed him. I
don't suppose you were frightened though. I suppose you took a taxi?"
"Yes," said Lita.
She had had every intention of telling her mother everything—well,
certainly that she had met Doctor Dacer on the train and that he had
been kind enough to see her home; but the words did not come instantly,
and as she paused, her mother rushed on to something else—clothes, and
what Lita wanted to see if they went to the theater the next day. The
moment for telling slipped away from her in the most unexpected way; it
was getting farther and farther; in fact it was nothing but a speck on
the horizon.
They had an amusing dinner together. One of the pleasantest features in
her parents' divorce was that Mrs. Hazlitt felt not the least restraint
about discussing the Hazlitt family.
"My dear," she would say, with her eyes dancing, "don't tell me you
never heard about why your Uncle Elbert was driven out of Portland."
Lita enjoyed these anecdotes extremely. Sometimes they contained
illuminating phrases: "Of course, your father and I preferred to be
alone." "Naturally I knew just how Jim—your father—felt about it,
but—"
When her mother was like this Lita was content that her father and
the whole world should remain outsiders. Her mother was a sufficient
companion.
When they were back in the library after dinner her father telephoned
to her. It was about Italy. She took up the receiver with a sinking
heart. Now she wished she had written to him. Her mother was holding
the paper as if she were reading it, but Lita knew that she couldn't
help hearing the faltering sentences she was murmuring into the
mouthpiece:
"Yes, Pat, I spoke to her, and I'm afraid we can't. I mean that, under
the circumstances—" She heard the paper rustling to the floor, and her
mother standing beside her whispered to her: "Don't be so timid; don't
say you're afraid."
Then both parents were talking to her at once, one over the wire and
one in her ear. Now, it is possible to listen while you talk yourself,
but it is not possible to listen to two people at once.
Her father was saying: "Of course, if you don't want to go say so, but
if you do, and will put the matter as I suggested—"
And her mother was whispering sibilantly, "You're giving the idea you
wish to go—so unjust to me. Say straight out you won't leave me."
It was one of those minutes that epitomized her life, and her nerves
were distinctly on edge as she hung up the receiver, to find that her
mother was only waiting for this, to go over the whole matter more at
length.
"There are times, my dear," she was saying, "when it is really
necessary to speak out, even at the risk of hurting a person's
feelings. I do hope you are not one of those weak natures who can never
tell a disagreeable truth. It will save your father future suffering if
you can make him understand once and for all he cannot come in between
us—not because I forbid it, but because you won't have it."
The evening never regained its gayety.
The next morning—Saturday—was devoted entirely to clothes, and Lita
now discovered a curious fact. She found she knew exactly how Dacer
liked her to dress. In their few interviews they had never mentioned
clothes, and yet she did not buy a hat or reject a model without a
sure conviction that she was following his taste. Heretofore her main
interest in the subject had been a desire to knock her schoolmates in
the eye.
She thought of an epigram: "Women dress for all women—and one man."
The morning saw a triumph of her diplomacy too. She and her mother were
going to the theater together that afternoon. Coming down in the train,
she had learned that Dacer was taking Effie and some of her friends to
the matinée to see Eugene Valentine's new play, The Winged Victory. It
had not been easy to steer Mrs. Hazlitt toward this popular success;
she was displeased with anything that fell short of the Comédie
Française. Lita was obliged to stoop to tactics suggested by Aurelia.
She intimated very gently that when her father took her to the play he
never cared what it was so long as she was amused, and so she wouldn't
bore her mother with the Valentine play: she'd wait until she and Pat
were going on a spree—that very evening, perhaps—
Mrs. Hazlitt came to terms at once and sent for the tickets.
They came in a little late. The play had already begun, but Lita's
first glance was not at the stage. Yes, he was there—three nice little
girls in a row in the front of the box, and he in the back—but not
alone. A woman was whispering in his ear. Who was she? His fiancée?
His wife? Had he said anything which actually precluded the idea of
his being married? "I expect to quarrel a great deal with my wife."
That did not say more than that he had not quarreled with her so far.
These two were certainly not quarreling. She sat in great agony; not of
spirit only, for gradually a distinct physical ache developed in her
left side. She tried to glue her eyes to the stage, and did not hear a
word, except an occasional murmur from her mother: "What a silly play!"
The lights went up at the end of the act. Lita saw that the woman was
rather fat and not at all young—thirty at least—and yet she knew
that these sophisticated older women— There was something sleek and
sumptuous about this one, all in black velvet and diamonds and fur. A
slight respite came to her when Dacer went out to smoke a cigarette.
Did this indicate indifference or merely intimacy? The white-skinned
woman moved to the front of the box and began making herself agreeable
to the children, particularly to the girl Lita had picked out as
Effie—a regular sister-in-law-to-be manner. She had looked forward
to the theater as a good time to tell her mother all about it, with a
casual "Oh, do you see that man over there—" She was suffering too
much to permit it. She became aware that her mother felt something
tense and portentous in the air; and she said suddenly, with a sound
instinct for red herrings, that she thought Valentine the handsomest
creature that she had ever seen. Her mother's reaction to this took up
most of the entr'acte.
Doctor Dacer never saw them at all. Mrs. Hazlitt was an adept at
getting out of a theater and finding her car before anyone else. She
and Lita were on their way uptown before the little girls in the box
had sorted out their coats and hats. A good many people, mostly men,
came in to tea; and when they had gone it was time for Lita to dress to
go and dine with her father. Dine! She felt she would never be able to
eat again—a very curious feeling.
When Mrs. Hazlitt went to her room Margaret was as usual waiting to
help her dress, but it was not usual for Margaret to wear such a long
face. She had entered the family as Lita's nurse, but was now Mrs.
Hazlitt's maid and the pivot on which all domestic machinery revolved.
As she unhooked Mrs. Hazlitt's dress her solemn voice came from the
middle of Mrs. Hazlitt's back: "I think you ought to know, mum, that
when I was brushing that heavy coat of Miss Lita's this afternoon I
found something in the pocket."
"Goodness, Margaret! What?"
Margaret fumbled under her apron and produced a folded, typewritten
sheet a little grimy about the edges. Mrs. Hazlitt seized it and read:
Dear Eugene Valentine: May I not tell you what an inspiration
your art is to me in my daily life? I think I have every
photograph of you that was ever published, and one I bought at a
fair with your signature. Only this is not my favorite. I like
best the one as a miner from The Emerald Light. It is so strong
and virile. Oh, Mr. Valentine, you cannot guess how happy it would
make me if you would autograph one of these for me! I am not at
present living in New York, but I am often there for week-ends,
and could easily bring one of these pictures to the theater after
a matinée, if that would be easiest for you.
I shall not attempt to tell you what your art means to me, and
how you make other men seem, and I fear they always will seem like
they was pigmies beside you.
I take the great liberty of inclosing my own picture in case it
would interest you to see what a great admirer of yours looks like.
Being merely a rough draft, it was unsigned.
Of all the possibilities that crossed Mrs. Hazlitt's mind on reading
this document, the possibility that her daughter had not written it
was not one. Several suspicious circumstances at once popped into her
head—Lita's insistence on going to Valentine's play; her admiration
of him; her tentative suggestion about marriage; her alternate high
spirits and abstraction.
"And who was he?" Margaret went on. "That young fellar brought her home
yesterday?"
"A man brought her home yesterday?"
"Yes—the two of them in a taxi."
"What did he look like?"
"I couldn't see him very good; but I heard him say 'Until Sunday' as he
got back into the taxi; and when I opened the door for Miss Lita you
could see she was smiling all over her face, but not letting it out."
Ah, how well, in other days, Mrs. Hazlitt had known that beatific state!
She walked to her door and called, "Lita! Lita!"
Probably if one read the memoirs of Napoleon, the dispatches of
Wellington and the commentaries of Cæsar one would find a place where
the author asserts that the best general is he who takes quickest
advantage of chance. Lita, entering her mother's room with her
head bent over a fastening of her dress, was wondering what made
some fasteners cling like leeches and others droop apart like limp
handshakes. For the first few minutes she had no idea what her mother
was talking about. She was prepared to feel guilty—she was guilty, but
she had written no letter.
"Writing a letter like that—a vulgar letter—and making me take you
to his play—and coming home with him, when I was actually waiting at
the gate for you. Perhaps you were not even on that train at all—so
terribly deceitful—as if I were your enemy instead of your mother. I
felt there was something queer about you at the play! An actor! I wish
you knew something about actors in private life. And Valentine of all
people! A man—"
Mrs. Hazlitt paused. She knew nothing about Valentine's private life;
but she thought it was pretty safe to make that pause as if it were all
too awful to discuss.
"Your father must be told of this. It will shock him very much."
That was the phrase that gave Lita her great idea. Not since she was
four years old had she heard the words "your father" spoken in that
tone. Perhaps after all, it was not necessary to die in order to
reconcile your parents; perhaps it was enough to let them think you
were undesirably in love. She had a moment to consider this notion
while her mother, in a short frilled petticoat, with her blond hair
about her shoulders, was running on about what Mr. Hazlitt would say to
this man.
Lita said at a venture, "Mr. Valentine doesn't even know my name. He
won't have any idea what father is talking about."
"Indeed?" cried Mrs. Hazlitt. "Your father is not a man who talks
without contriving to make himself understood. And as to Valentine's
not knowing your name, you'll find he knows it—and the amount of
your fortune, too, probably. Little schoolgirls have very little
interest for older men, I can tell you, unless— And such a letter too.
'Like they was pigmies.' If you must be vulgar, at least try to be
grammatical."
"Shall you see my father when he comes for me?"
"Of course I shall not see him; but I shall take care that he knows
the facts." At the same time, Lita could not help noticing that Mrs.
Hazlitt refused to wear the garment Margaret had left out for her, and
put on, with apparent unconsciousness, a new French tea gown in mauve
and silver. "He will tell you better than I can what sort of a man this
Valentine is."
"But, mother, is father's judgment of men to be depended on? You said
about his lawyers that he had the faculty of collecting about him the
most inefficient—"
"I never said any such thing—or rather, it was entirely different. How
can you speak like that of your father? But it's my own fault, treating
you as if you were a companion instead of a silly child."
This was war. Lita withdrew into herself. Parents, she reflected, did
not really quite play the game; they couldn't belittle a fellow parent
one day, and the next, when they needed to use force, rush away into
the wings and dress him up as an ogre. After all the things her mother
had said about her father, how could she expect him to inspire fear?
And yet Lita knew that she was a little afraid.
Then Freebody the butler came up to say that Mr. Hazlitt was waiting
in his car for Miss Hazlitt. Freebody had been with the Hazlitts
before their divorce, and when the split came had preferred to remain
with Mrs. Hazlitt, although he had been offered inducements by the
other side. In her bitterness of spirit she had felt it a triumph that
Freebody had chosen her household. She had particularly valued his
reason for staying with her. He had said he did not care to work for
stage people. This was wonderful to quote. It let people know that
her husband's second wife had been an actress, and moreover a kind of
actress that Freebody did not care to work for; and it could be told so
good-temperedly, as if it were a joke on Freebody. She had always felt
grateful to him.
Now she sealed the incriminating note in another envelope and gave it
to Freebody.
"Give this to Mr. Hazlitt," she said, "and tell him it was found in
the pocket of Miss Lita's coat"; and she added, when he had gone down
again, "You can explain the rest yourself."
"No, mother," said Lita; "if you want any explaining done you must do
it yourself."
Mrs. Hazlitt was still protesting against this suggestion when Freebody
came back and said that Mr. Hazlitt was in the drawing-room, and would
be very much obliged to Mrs. Hazlitt if she could arrange to see him
for just five minutes. There was a pause; Mrs. Hazlitt and Lita looked
at each other; and Freebody, just as much interested as anyone, looked
at no one. Then Mrs. Hazlitt said they would both go down.
And so for the first time since she was five years old Lita stood in
the room with both her parents—her mother trembling so that the silk
lining of her tea gown rustled with a soft, continuous whispering like
the wind in dead leaves, and her father, white and impressive, with his
crush hat under one arm and the open letter held at arm's length so
that he could read it without his glasses. Something hurt and twisted
came to rest in Lita by the mere fact that the three of them were
together.
Her father spoke first, and his voice was not quite natural, as he
said, "It was kind of you to come down, Alita. I know it is exceedingly
painful to you—"
"I've done a good many painful things in my life for Lita."
"I know, I know," he answered gently; "and this not the least. But this
letter—I don't exactly understand it."
"Have you read it?"
"Not entirely."
"Well, read it—read it," said Mrs. Hazlitt, as if he ought to see
that he couldn't understand anything until he had read it; but every
time he began to read it she began to explain all the hideousness of
Lita's conduct; and when he looked up to listen to her she said, with a
sort of weary patience, "Won't you please read the letter? Then we can
discuss it."
At last he said quietly, "Alita, I cannot read it while you talk to me."
She did not answer. She moved her neck back like an offended swan, and
glanced at Lita as much as to say, "You see the sort of man he is?"
She did, however, remain silent until he had finished, and looking had
said, "But this isn't even good grammar—'Like they was pigmies.'
Don't they teach her grammar at this school?"
Alita Hazlitt was one of those people who, when blame is going about,
assume it is intended for them and consider the accusation most unjust.
"Well, really," she said now, "it wasn't my wish that she should go to
boarding school. It has turned out exactly as I prophesied it would.
Common girls have taught her to run after actors, and inefficient
teachers have failed—"
"I don't remember your prophesying that, Alita."
"You mean to say I did not?"
"I mean to say I have no recollection of it. I do remember that you
said it would make it easier for me to kidnap her. I shall never forget
that."
"You cannot deny that I was opposed to school. I only yielded to your
wishes—such a mistake."
"You have not many of that kind to reproach yourself with."
Lita, who had felt a profound filial emotion at seeing her parents
together, was now distressingly conscious that they had never seemed
less her parents than at this moment. They seemed in fact rather
dreadful people—childish, unjust, lacking in essential self-control.
The last remnant of her childhood seemed to perish with this scene, and
she became hard, matured and to a certain degree orphaned.
"What I am trying to say," Mr. Hazlitt went on, "is that we can hardly
attribute this unfortunate episode entirely to the influence of the
school. I mean that if there had not been some inherent silliness in
the child herself—"
This was too good a point for Mrs. Hazlitt to let slip.
"It was not from me," she said, "that Lita inherited a tendency to run
after people of the stage."
"We need not discuss inherited tendencies, I think."
Mrs. Hazlitt laughed.
"Ah, that is so like you! We may criticize the child or the school
or my bringing up, but the instant we begin to talk about your
shortcomings it is discovered that we are going too far."
"Alita," he said, "I came here in the most coöperative spirit—"
"And do you make it a favor that you should be willing to try to save
your child?"
That was unjust of her mother, Lita thought. Her father was trying to
be nice. It was her mother who kept making the interview bitter, and
yet in essentials her mother had behaved so much better. Why did she
suffer so much in the atmosphere of their anger? Why did she wish so
passionately that they should treat each other at least fairly? She
couldn't understand.
"You have not met me in a coöperative spirit," her father was saying,
"and I see no point in my staying. Good night."
"And you're going—just like that—without doing anything at all?"
"Of course, I shall write to Miss Barton—and if you are not able to
take Lita back to school tomorrow I'll go myself."
Lita noticed that though an instant before her mother had reproached
him with indifference, she treated his last suggestion as if it were
impertinent.
"I think I shall be able to take my daughter safely to school," she
said. "But you must see this man; that I cannot do."
"I shall do nothing so ridiculous," said Mr. Hazlitt. "Valentine! Why,
a man like that gets a basketful a day of letters from idiotic women of
all ages! He's bored to death by them."
"I have yet to find a man who is bored by the adoration of idiotic
women," said Mrs. Hazlitt, and there was no mistake in anybody's mind
as to what she meant by that.
A discussion on the relative idiocy of the sexes broke out with
extraordinary violence. Lita's conduct was utterly forgotten. She might
have slipped out of the room without being noticed, except that her
father was standing between her and the door. She tried to remember
Dacer's saying that quarreling meant love, and found to her surprise
that that idea was almost as shocking. Could it be that she did not
want her parents to have any emotions at all?
When her father had gone, her mother burst into tears.
"I am so sorry," she said, "that you should have seen him like that—at
his very worst."
Lita had just been thinking how much the better of the two he
had appeared. She felt as hard as a stone. She had no wish to be
continually appraising her parents; they left her no choice. Her
childish acceptance of them had been destroyed, and at the moment her
friendly emotion towards them as companions and human beings had not
yet flowered. Instead of wanting to tell her mother about Dacer, she
wanted to tell Dacer about her mother.
She saw that her whole scheme about Valentine had been ridiculous—a
complete failure. She ought to clear that up at once, but she did not
feel up to explaining it; an explanation with her mother involved
so much. Mrs. Hazlitt would give those she loved anything in the
world—except her attention. It was necessary to hold her attention
with one hand and feed her your confidence with the other. Lita was too
exhausted to attempt it that evening. She would do it the next day, of
course.
The next morning—Sunday—Mrs. Hazlitt awoke with a severe headache.
Though she insisted on Lita's remaining in sight—for fear that she
would rush to the arms of Valentine—it was made clear that no friendly
intercourse between parent and child was possible. Lita felt herself to
be the direct cause of the agony of mind which had led to the headache.
After luncheon, looking like carved marble, Mrs. Hazlitt got up and
announced her intention of escorting Lita back to school. The girl saw
that her mother was not well enough to make the double journey, and
suggested that it would be better for her father to go with her. Mrs.
Hazlitt treated this proposal with the coldest scorn.
"I think we will not trouble your father further," she said.
At times like this she used a flat, remote voice; as dead, Lita
thought, as a corpse talking on a disconnected telephone. In old times
it had nearly broken her heart when her mother spoke to her in that
tone. Today it had lost its power.
They drove to the station in silence, every jar of the car sending a
tremor through Mrs. Hazlitt's eyelids. In the train, she put Lita's
knitting bag behind her head and shut her eyes. Lita, sitting in
silence beside, felt so wooden—inside and out—that, she said to
herself, not even the appearance of Doctor Dacer would make any
difference to her. But when, before they were out of the tunnel, he did
pass through the car—not stopping, just raising his hat—she found it
did affect her.
Her mother opened her eyes.
"Who's that man?" she said in an almost human tone.
"I think he's one of the surgeons who is taking care of Aurelia," Lita
answered, and instantly regretted the "I think." It was positively
deceitful, where she had intended to be merely noncommittal. But all
the relations of her life seemed to have gone wrong.
She had not done any of her work for the next day; not the original
in geometry or the sonnet she should have learned by heart; in fact
she had not opened a book. She couldn't concentrate her mind now on
mathematics or poetry, but she might do some of the collateral reading
for Greek History. She slipped the book out of its strap and opened it.
"Of Lycurgus the lawgiver, we have nothing to relate that is certain
and uncontroverted—" Lita thought: that's at least a candid way to
begin a biography. The door opened, letting in the roar of the train
and the smell of coal smoke, and Lita's nerves remembered it, as if
only once before in her life had she ever known a car door open, and
looked up—to see the conductor. She dropped her eyes and went on: "For
there are different accounts of his birth, his death—" The door again;
this time a passenger in search of a seat. She made a vow to herself to
read three pages without looking up—and did. "Endeavoring to part some
persons who were concerned in a fray, he received a wound by a kitchen
knife, of which he died, and left the kingdom—"
She was aware that something in blue serge was stationary beside her.
She looked slowly up. Yes, there he was.
She introduced him to her mother. The seat in front of them was now
free, and Dacer, turning it over, sat down. Mrs. Hazlitt was not sorry
to show that her coldness concerned her daughter only. She was very
willing to talk agreeably to a stranger. The conversation was carried
on between them as if Lita were too young to be expected to take
part. She was not sorry, and went on glancing at a sentence here and
there: "He set sail, therefore, and landed in Crete—" "—in which the
priestess called him beloved of the gods, and rather a god than a man."
At this she really could not help looking at Dacer, and finding his
eyes on her, she said, "I saw you at the theater yesterday."
He was interested.
"I didn't see you."
"Oh, yes, we were there," said Mrs. Hazlitt languidly. "Such a poor
play! And as for Valentine—these popular actors in America—"
"He was thought very handsome and dashing, in our box," said Dacer.
And then Lita was surprised to hear her own voice saying, "Was that
lady your wife?"
He stared at her for a second as if he had not heard, or could not
understand what he seemed to have heard, and then answered quietly,
"No, I don't care for them by the cubic foot."
Never had such a perfect reply been made, Lita thought. It
reconstructed their relation and the whole world, and yet it took place
so gently that her mother had hardly noticed that they had spoken to
each other. Life was simply immense, she said to herself; she had been
quite wrong about it before.
Then presently Dacer drew from Mrs. Hazlitt the admission that she
had a wretched headache—hadn't slept—had had a disagreeable day—so
foolish, but she was affected by scenes—
"Everybody is, you know," said Dacer.
She should not have come on such an expedition. The idea of her
driving four miles out to the school in a jiggling car—and right back
again—was absurd. He spoke almost sternly. He had a time-table in
his pocket; a train left for New York five minutes after their train
arrived at Elbridge; Mrs. Hazlitt must take that back, go straight to
bed; he would give her a powder. Of course he would see Miss Hazlitt
safely to the school—yes, even into Miss Barton's presence. He wrote
his prescription. Lita saw that her mother was going to obey.
As they got out at the station they saw the New York train already
waiting. Dacer put Mrs. Hazlitt on it; and Lita, watching them, saw
Mrs. Hazlitt turn at the steps and give him some special injunction.
Well, she probably would not confide to him so soon the scandal of
the letter to Valentine; and if she did, it would be easy to explain.
Dacer's face was untroubled as he returned to her.
"She's all in," he said.
A sharp self-reproach clutched at Lita's heart, the capacity for
emotion having unexpectedly returned to her.
"Did it really do her harm to come out here?"
"It really is better for her to go straight home," he answered, as if
admitting other motives had entered into his advice.
They got into the school flivver, which was waiting for them. Rain had
just stopped and the back curtains were down. It was dark.
As they wheeled away from the station lights Lita heard him saying,
"Didn't you know I wasn't married?" She did not immediately answer. Her
hand was taken. "Didn't you know?" he said again.
A strange thing was happening to Lita. She formed the resolution of
withdrawing her hand; she sent the impulse out from her brain, but it
seemed only to reach her elbow; her hand, limp and willing, continued
to remain in his.
They spoke hardly at all. The near presence of Matthew, the driver, a
well-known school gossip, made speech undesirable. Besides, it wasn't
necessary. Lita was perfectly content with silence as long as that
large, solid hand enveloped hers.
As they turned in at the school gate he said, "You'll come over to see
Aurelia this evening, I suppose."
She knew it wouldn't be possible, and was obliged to say so. And he was
going back to town by a morning train. There was a pause.
As they got out he said, "Do you ever get up very early—as early as
six?"
"I could always make a beginning," said Lita.
And then, true to his promise, he turned the chairman of the
self-government committee over to the keeping of Miss Barton herself.
One excellent way of waking early is not to sleep at all. Lita hardly
slept and was out of bed in time to watch the slow but fortunately
inevitable spreading of the dawn. The new day was evidently going
to be one of those days in late March when, though the earth has no
suggestion of spring, the sky and the air are as vernal as May. Lita
could see a light in the upper story of the infirmary. Dacer's perhaps.
It was not yet six when she stole downstairs and across the green. She
had a good reason for being anxious about Aurelia—the stitches had
been taken out of the wound the night before. That's what she would
say if anyone asked her. But no one was awake, except far away in
the school kitchen. The door of the infirmary was locked, but as she
pressed noiselessly against it a figure faced her on the other side
of the glass—Dacer. He opened the door and came out. It shut behind
him, and as the night latch was still on, they were locked out. So they
sat down on the narrow steps of the cottage, each with a pillar to
lean against, and for the first time looked long and steadily at each
other, as people who have met by deliberate acknowledged plan.
"Do you like the early morning?" he asked.
"I never did before," she answered.
He smiled at her.
"Do you realize," he said, "that in this lifelong friendship of ours
that is the first decent thing you have ever said to me?"
Why, it was true! To Lita it had been so clear that she was more
interested than he was; more eager; but it was true, she had given him
none of those poignant, unforgettable sentences which he had left with
her, to go over in his absence. She smiled, too—very slowly.
"Perhaps it won't be the last," she said.
At half past seven Dacer went in, and a few minutes later Lita arrived
at Room 11 to inquire after her friend. When it was time to go, she
shook hands with Doctor Dacer in the presence of Aurelia, Aurelia's
mother, who had just arrived, and the trained nurse.
It was the last possible meeting before the Easter holidays.
Immediately after breakfast Lita had geometry, and then a study period.
During this she received a message that Miss Barton wished to speak to
her. Such a message was not necessarily alarming; as chairman of the
self-government committee she was consulted on many school problems. It
was known that Miss Barton relied more on her judgment than on that of
the senior president. Still, with a poor classroom record for the past
week, and that unlicensed hour and a half on the infirmary steps, Lita
did feel a trifle nervous; not that she could care very much about such
minor matters. And then there was Matthew and the flivver——
The head mistress was sitting at her desk in her study, with its
latticed windows and the etchings of English cathedrals on the walls.
Her head was slightly on one side, which meant, according to school
lore, that she was going to be particularly airy. She was.
"Oh, well, come, my dear Lita," she said. "This is really going rather
far—a bit thick, as our little English friend would say."
"But what is it, Miss Barton?" Lita breathed, with all the pearly
innocence of young guilt.
"Oh, dear, dear!" said Miss Barton. "So we have nothing on our
conscience!"
"I have a great many things," said Lita quietly. She knew just how to
talk to her chief—if that would do any good.
"One asks oneself whether girls are worth educating at all if this is
the way the more intelligent ones expend their time and energy." And
Miss Barton handed Lita the crumpled but familiar letter to Valentine.
"I've had a sharp note from your father this morning, and I must say
I don't blame him—really I don't. The grammar would be a sufficient
humiliation to any school, even if the letter were addressed to your
grandmother. And I may tell you that five different photographs of
Mr. Valentine have been discovered hidden about your room—most
ingeniously, it is true, but quite against our rules. Really, it's
a question whether the school can keep on if this sort of thing is
general."
Lita listened in what appeared to be the most respectful silence. Her
relief was intense. Also she was trying to remember what Miss Barton
said word for word so as to repeat it to Aurelia, to whom, after all,
it justly belonged. Aurelia did a wonderful imitation of the head
mistress, and could make use of every phrase; she was always on the
lookout for material.
Lita was dismissed with a warning that she was to be kept in bounds
until the holidays, and all her mail, outgoing and incoming, would be
watched. This was rather serious, as Dacer had distinctly intimated
that he intended to write. Still, a way could probably be found— She
would speak to Aurelia about it.
She did not see Aurelia until the late afternoon. Dacer, as she
expected, had gone; but he had left a message for her, Aurelia said—a
very particular message.
With what extraordinary rapidity does the human imagination function!
Between the time Aurelia announced the fact that a message existed
and the giving of the message, Lita had time to envisage half a dozen
possibilities, from the announcement of his immediate return to an
offer of marriage.
The message was this: "He said to tell you that he had no idea you were
so fond of the stage, or he would have behaved very differently. Do you
understand what that means?—for I don't."
It meant, of course, that Miss Barton had told him about Valentine;
had possibly even shown him the letter. It was just the sort of thing
that she might do. Lita could almost hear her describing the comic
complications of a head mistress' life: "This note, for instance,
discovered in the pocket of one of my best girls; not even English;
that hurts us most."
Why did Aurelia do such silly things—write such silly letters? Then,
her sense of justice reasserting itself, she admitted it was not her
friend's fault that the authorship of the letter had been mistaken. She
was conscious of a physical nausea at the idea that Dacer was going
about in the belief that she, Lita Hazlitt, had written thus to another
man.
In the first few minutes she sketched an explanatory letter to him, and
then remembered that her mail—in and out—was watched. That wouldn't
do. In fact, there was nothing to do but to wait for two interminable
weeks to pass and bring the Friday of the Easter holiday. Once in the
same town with him, she could make him listen to her. There was nothing
agreeable in life except the recollection of a large hand on hers, and
even that memory was beginning to take on mortality.
She had not even the attentions of her parents to console her—not that
forty thousand parents would have made up to her for the estrangement
of Dacer. Her mother wrote conscientiously, but coldly. If she had seen
her mother Lita would have told her everything, but the next Sunday was
Mr. Hazlitt's official visiting day.
He came, but he came in a somewhat disciplinary mood. He gave Lita a
long talk on how men felt when women forced attentions upon them. Lita
did not dare take the risk of telling him; she had so little control
over him that he might possibly tell the whole story to Miss Barton and
involve Aurelia. At the same time she did not want him to find it out
for himself by a futile visit to Valentine. Before he left she asked
him point-blank if he contemplated such a step.
"Of course not," he answered.
And at almost that exact moment Freebody was ushering Valentine into
Mrs. Hazlitt's library. For Mrs. Hazlitt was not a woman to let
the grass grow under her feet, where her maternal obligations were
concerned. The more she thought the matter over the more obvious it
became that one or the other of Lita's parents must see Valentine and
let him know that, however silly and forthputting the child had been,
she was not without conventional protection. Of course, this was her
father's duty; but since men as fathers were complete failures, all the
disagreeable tasks of parenthood devolved inevitably on mothers. After
Dacer had put her on the train the Sunday before, she had gone home and
taken the powder he gave her and slept through a long night; and when
she waked the next morning she had seen her duty clearly—to interview
Valentine herself. It was a duty which implied a reproof to her former
husband.
She looked for Valentine's name in the telephone book, but of course
he was not there. Then she called up the theater where he was acting,
and they refused to give her his address, but said a letter directed
to the theater would reach him. Mrs. Hazlitt was in no mood to brook
the mail's delays, and telegraphed him that it was necessary that she
should see him for a few minutes at any time or place convenient to
him, and signed her name with a comfortable conviction that all New
York knew just who Alita Hazlitt was.
Now Valentine, like most people busy with a successful career, was
utterly uninterested in conventional social life; he hardly ever opened
his mail, rarely answered telegrams; and if, by mistake, he did make a
social engagement, he always told his secretary to call the people up
and break it. In the ordinary course of events Mrs. Hazlitt's telegram
would have been opened in his dressing room, and would have lain about
for a day or two until Valentine thought of saying to someone who
might know, "Who is this woman—Alita Hazlitt?" And then it would have
dropped on the floor, and would eventually have been swept up and put
in the theater ash can.
But, as it happened, Valentine had always cherished a wish to play
the balcony scene in Romeo and Juliet before he was too old to wear
a round-necked doublet; and a charitable institution, of which Mrs.
Hazlitt was a most negligent trustee, had made a suggestion that
Valentine should help them out in a benefit they were about to give. So
Valentine, remembering her name on the letterhead of the institution,
jumped at the conclusion that she had been selected to clinch the
arrangement.
And so not more than three or four days went by before he answered her
telegram by calling her up on the telephone, and it was arranged that
he was to come and see her on Sunday at five.
She felt nervous as the time approached. She kept saying to herself
that she had no idea how to deal with people like this. So awkward for
a woman alone; but she was alone—utterly alone. She had become rather
tearful by the time Valentine was announced. She waited a moment to
compose herself and became even more unnerved in the process.
When she went down she found him standing by one of the bookcases,
reading. She saw with a distinct pang that he was a handsomer man off
the stage than on, with his fine hawklike profile and irrepressibly
thick, furrowed light hair. He slid a book back into place as she
entered, with the soft gesture of a book lover.
"I see you have a first edition of Trivia," he said. "I envy you."
Mrs. Hazlitt, who had thought up a greeting which was now rendered
utterly impossible, was obliged to make a quick mental bound. She had
never opened her edition of Gay, which she had inherited from her
grandfather, and had never suspected it of being a first.
She said, "Oh, do you go in for first editions?"
"Not any more," answered Valentine. "I've become more interested in
autographs and association books. I have a wonderful letter of Gay's
from—from—oh, you know, where he was staying when he wrote the
Beggar's Opera—that duke's place—well, it will come to me."
But it never did come to him—not, at least, until he went home and
looked it up—because, glancing at his hostess, he saw in those
anxious, dark-fringed eyes that she wasn't a bit interested in his Gay
letter; and so, with that tact that all artists possess if they will
only use it, he said gently, "But it wasn't about autographs that you
wanted to see me, was it? It's about your benefit."
"The benefit?"
"No? Well, what is it then?"
"Oh, I hoped you would understand without my being obliged to dot all
the i's."
She said this with a great deal of meaning. Leaning forward on her
elbow, in her mauve and silver tea gown, behind her silver tea tray,
she looked very charming. Valentine thought that he had never known a
woman who combined such perfection of appointments with such simplicity
of manner. He had a strong instinct for the best in any art. It struck
him that for a certain sort of thing this was the best.
She went on: "Perhaps you will think I should not have sent for you;
but what could I do? I am so alone. My husband and I, as you perhaps
know, are divorced."
Valentine achieved just the right sort of murmur at this, indicating
that he personally could not regret the fact, but found it of intense
interest.
Mrs. Hazlitt hurried on: "I feel I must apologize for my silly
child—so vulgar and absurd, though I suppose girls must think they're
in love—not that I mean it's absurd to think—I mean in your case it's
natural enough—your last play—so romantic, dear Mr. Valentine—only,
would you mind telling me just how it was you brought my daughter home
a week ago Friday?"
Valentine emerged from this like a dog from the surf, successive waves
had passed over him without his having had any idea what it meant.
"I don't think I have the pleasure of knowing your daughter," he said.
"Ah, not by name!"
She was ready for him there. She rose, and taking a silver-framed
photograph from the table she thrust it into his hands.
He studied it and said politely, "What a charming little face! How like
you, if I may say so!"
"Don't you recognize it? Hasn't she sent it to you? Hasn't she written
you letters?"
"Possibly," said Valentine, and he added apologetically, "You know, I
can't read all my letters. The telegrams I do try to manage, although—"
Mrs. Hazlitt could not pretend to be interested in how Valentine
managed his telegrams.
"You mean you didn't bring Lita home last Friday—a week ago?" she
said, and her eyes began to get large.
Valentine leaned back and looked at the ceiling, stamped one foot
slightly on the floor and crossed the other leg over it. This seemed to
help him think, for almost immediately he said:
"We were putting in our new villain"; and when he saw that Mrs. Hazlitt
did not grasp the information, he added, "We were rehearsing all that
afternoon."
Of course, she told him the whole story, and heard in return many
interesting and surprising incidents of a popular actor's life. He was
extremely interesting and sympathetic; so different from what she had
expected—delightful. She felt she had made a real friend. In fact,
she had promised to have tea with him at his apartment the following
Thursday. She was so glad he had not said Friday. Lita would be back
for her holidays on Friday, and somehow it would be hard to explain
after all she had said against actors; though, of course, Lita herself
would be called on to explain how she had allowed—and who was the
man who had brought her home? Thursday would be safe, though; and she
did want to meet this new Spanish actress Doria for whom the party was
given. Valentine had assumed that Mrs. Hazlitt spoke Spanish, and when
she insisted that she did not he was perfectly tactful. His own, he
said, was getting rusty; but Doria was all right in French. He said he
would come for her himself on Thursday. She thought that very kind.
She had a flurried, excited feeling when he had gone that she was
entering upon a new phase of life. She had had a delightful afternoon.
But the mystery of Lita's conduct was deeper than ever. Who was the
man? Had there been a man at all? She sat down to write to her child,
demanding to know the truth; but was interrupted by the entrance of
Freebody with a long, narrow box which looked as if it might contain a
boa constrictor, but did actually contain a dozen long-stemmed roses,
with Valentine's card.
Mrs. Hazlitt tore up her letter. After all, it would be better to wait
until Friday, and when Lita returned they could have a long, clear
explanation.
But, as things turned out, Lita came back on Thursday. A little girl in
one of the younger classes contrived to catch a light case of measles,
and the school was hurried home a day ahead of time. It was generally
mentioned that the child deserved a tablet in the common room; and she
did actually receive a laurel wreath tied with red, white and blue
ribbon, and bearing the inscription, "Dulce et decora est to get
measles for the good of your schoolmates."
The New York girls came back unheralded, for the school did not have
time to telephone every parent. Miss Jones went about in a bus dropping
the girls at their places of residence.
Lita, for the first time in her life, hoped that her mother would not
be in. She wanted to be free to telephone Doctor Dacer without comment.
She knew her mother would disapprove of her telephoning. She had had
other glimpses of the last generation's method of dealing with romantic
complications. They had strange old conventions about letting the
advances come from the masculine side, or at least of maneuvering so
that they appeared to. Subtle, they called it. Lita thought it rather
sneaky.
She learned from Freebody at the door that her mother was dressing
and was to be out to tea, but was to be home to dinner. Lita walked
straight to the library, and having looked up Dacer's number called the
office. The office nurse answered. Yes, the doctor was in. Who wished
to speak to him? Miss Hazlitt? Just a minute. There was a long silence.
What would she do if he refused to speak to her? Go there?
"Oh, Doctor Dacer, I wanted to tell you that Miss Barton told you
something that wasn't true, though she thought it was. You know what
I mean.... I want to see you, please. I wish you would.... Now; the
sooner the better.... Yes; good-by."
She hung up the receiver with a hand not absolutely steady. He was
coming at once. She took off her hat and dropped it on the sofa and
stood still in the middle of the floor. If only her mother would keep
on dressing for half an hour or so! It couldn't take him very long
to get from his office in Sixty-third Street near Park— Now he was
putting on his hat, now he was in the street, now he was coming nearer
and nearer every minute—
Exactly eleven minutes by the watched clock after she had hung up the
telephone receiver the doorbell rang. The doorbell could just be heard
in the library by straining ears.
And then Freebody said from the doorway, "Doctor Dacer to see you,
miss."
Dacer was standing now in the doorway, looking at her darkly. Severity
was evidently going to temper his justice.
"Well?" he said.
The main thing was that he had come.
"Didn't you think I could write a better love letter than that?" she
began.
"Unfortunately I have had no opportunities of judging."
"What does a head mistress know about girls?"
"She tells a pretty well-documented story."
It came over Lita that they were quarreling—almost—and that she liked
the process, but liked it only because she knew it must come out right.
Her case was so clear.
"The letter and the photographs belonged to Aurelia," she said. "I hid
them for her when she was taken ill. That was why I was in such a hurry
to go that first day—when you patted me on the head. And if they told
you about a mysterious man who brought me home in a taxi—that was you,
and—"
"You never wrote to Valentine?"
"Never!"
He took a step toward her.
"Never sent him your photograph?"
"No!"
He took another step.
"Never saw him except on the stage?"
"No!"
Another step would bring him to her; and what, she wondered, would
happen then?
What happened was that the door opened and Freebody said, "Mr.
Valentine."
And there he was, the man himself, more beautiful than the posters.
Never before had the chairman of the self-government committee found
herself deserted by the powers of speech and action. She stood
helplessly staring at the great artist before her. And even then
the day might have been saved if Valentine had not been so kind, so
determined to put everything straight.
"Ah," he said, supposing he had to do with an embarrassed child,
"you are Miss Hazlitt, and very like your picture. I should know you
anywhere."
"You've seen my picture?" said Lita, with a sort of feeble hope that
the question would convey her complete innocence to Dacer. She could
hear her own voice twittering high and silly like a hysterical bird.
"Yes, indeed," said Valentine; and the voice, which was only
kind, sounded in Dacer's ears significant. "This one, isn't
it? Photography"—he turned politely, including Dacer in the
conversation—"is only just getting back to where it was in the days of
the daguerreotype. How wonderful they were! So soft—"
"Photography has always had its uses, I believe," answered Dacer in his
deepest voice. He made a slight bow in the general direction of Lita.
"Good-by, Miss Hazlitt," he said, and each word came with a terrible
distinctness. "If you and I don't meet for some time, you'll remember
me to Aurelia, I hope. She seemed to me a singularly candid, truthful
nature. I admire that."
He bowed also to Valentine, and was gone. Something about his manner
struck Valentine as peculiar. He feared that he had interrupted one
of those conversations that do not bear interruption—an impression
somewhat confirmed when Miss Hazlitt snatched her hat from the sofa and
ran out of the room without a word.
Left alone, Valentine returned to Trivia; but he began to be nervous
about the time. He did not want Doria to arrive at his apartment
before he and Mrs. Hazlitt got there; so that when Alita came down,
apologizing for being late, but in the tone of the habitually late,
as if no one really expected you to be on time, he hurried her grimly
downstairs.
Freebody was waiting in the hall to open the door, and told her of
her daughter's return. She showed a disposition to stay and argue the
matter with him. How could it be, when she was not to come till the
next day? But Freebody wouldn't argue, and Valentine was firm—they
must go.
"Tell Miss Lita I'll be back before seven," said Mrs. Hazlitt, and let
herself be hurried out to the car.
Freebody stared at her. Did not she know that Miss Hazlitt had just
torn out of the house like a little mad witch?
Lita had moved fast, but an angry man faster. As she left the house she
could see him swinging on the step of a moving Madison Avenue car. As
it was a southbound car, she hoped this meant that he was going back to
his office.
She had seen the address only once, when she looked up his number
in the telephone book; but it was indelibly impressed on her mind,
although the date of the Battle of Bosworth Field, which she had spent
so much time memorizing, always escaped her. In her hurry she had
forgotten not only her gloves but her purse, so that she was obliged
to walk the eight or nine blocks. Walk? She almost ran, crossing all
necessary streets diagonally, dodging in and out between motors.
Suppose he should go out again before she got there! It was terrible!
Doctor Burroughs' office was in an oyster-colored apartment house. In a
window on the ground floor she read the blue porcelain name of Doctor
Burroughs—very large; and Doctor Dacer—very small. She entered a hall
that was low and decorated in the style of a Florentine palace. Miss
Waverley, with her white hair brushed straighter than ever, answered
the door.
"Have you an appointment with the doctor?"
She spoke very politely, but there was a hint that without an
appointment—
"I think he'll see me for a minute," said Lita.
She was far from feeling certain of this; and if he refused, she did
not know exactly what she could do except sit on the doorstep.
She was shown into the waiting room. A complete silence fell upon the
room—the house—the city. Then a returning rustling of starched skirts
in the narrow passageway was heard. The doctor would see her. She was
led down the long corridor to a small room filled for the most part by
a desk. A door was standing open into a larger room beyond, which was
lined with white tiles and decorated with glass cases along the walls
in which hideous instruments were displayed as if they were objects of
art. The nurse having ushered Lita into the first room, retired to the
second, where she remained without shutting the door between, and could
be heard moving about and doing something with instruments that made a
soft, continual clinking.
Dacer rose slowly from his desk, on which cards in several colors were
strewn.
He said in his deep voice, "Yes, I thought it might be you."
"Doctor Dacer—" Lita began. Her throat was dry.
"Oh, don't explain," he said. "What's the use?"
For the first time she saw that she had no explanation whatsoever to
offer. She could only say, "I haven't any idea why that man suddenly
appeared at the house." It sounded feeble, even to her.
"Perhaps to inquire about Aurelia," answered Dacer, and permitted
himself a most disagreeable smile.
"That's not funny," said Lita.
"It's not original. I got the main idea from someone else."
"Doctor Dacer, I never saw Mr. Valentine—nor wrote to him. The only
explanation I can think of is—"
Miss Waverley entered.
"Mr. Andrews on the telephone, doctor."
Dacer snatched up the telephone as if it were a captured standard,
saying as he did so, "Perhaps while I'm telephoning you'll be able to
think of the explanation."
But she wasn't able to think at all. She could just stare at him.
"Yes," she heard him saying, "there is a—someone is here at the
moment, but I shall be free directly." He hung up the receiver and
replaced the telephone on the desk. "Well," he said, "have you got
something good ready for me?"
She had one small idea.
"Can't you see that if things were as you think I would hardly have
left Mr. Valentine to follow you, at once?"
"Oh, quite a time has gone by!"
"Because I had to walk—I had no money with me. Walk? No, I ran!"
He was affected by the picture of her running after him through the
streets, and she pressed on: "Doctor Dacer, I want to tell you why
I let my parents and Miss Barton and everyone think that letter to
Valentine was from me."
He sat down, shrugging his shoulders as if it were useless but he would
not forbid it.
Truth in detail is almost inimitable. Lita told her story in great
detail—Aurelia's request—the hidden photographs—the story of
the tramp—the letter thrust into her pocket and discovered by
Margaret—the identical expressions of her parents on the subject of
her marriage and her own sudden inspiration that here, at least, was
one topic on which they agreed.
"You see," she said eagerly, "it was only a few hours before that my
father had said just the same thing—that I must not think of marrying
for years; and then my mother—"
"You had sounded both your parents on the subject of marriage?"
Lita looked at him. His face was like a mask.
"I had happened to mention in the course of conversation—"
"You are thinking of getting married, Miss Hazlitt?"
"No, Doctor Dacer."
"No? The idea has never crossed your mind?"
"No—at least not in connection with—no."
Someone had told her that blushing could be prevented by a sharp pinch
in the back of the neck. It was a lie. She felt as if she were being
painted in a stinging crimson paint, while Dacer continued to regard
her with a cold, impassive stare. He rose and shut the door between the
two offices.
"Am I to understand," he said, "that you have never considered the
possibility of marriage?"
She shook her head. She felt as if she were drowning.
"Then consider it now," he said, and took her up in his arms, her toes
dangling inches from the floor.
Miss Waverley entered again. The apartment was well built and the doors
opened without any preliminary creaking.
"Doctor Burroughs on the telephone, doctor," she said.
There was nothing to do but to let Lita slide to her feet and to take
up the telephone from the desk. It was all very well for him, with his
attention immediately occupied; but Lita was left alone to encounter
the blank self-control of Miss Waverley's expression as she again
shut the door behind her. Dacer was giving his chief an account of a
professional visit, and was about to receive instructions. Lita heard
him say, "Yes, I'll hold the wire."
In the pause that followed, Lita whispered, pointing toward the door,
"She saw!"
"Unless stricken with blindness."
"She took it so calmly."
"Nothing in her life."
"I mean as if it happened every day."
Dacer shouted, still holding the telephone to his ear, "Miss Waverley!"
Miss Waverley returned, and Dacer went on, "Have you ever found a lady
in my arms before?"
"No, not in yours, doctor," said the nurse, as if she would not wish to
be pressed about some of the people she had worked for.
"Thanks," said Dacer. "Miss Hazlitt thought you were not quite enough
surprised."
"I wasn't surprised at all," answered Miss Waverley, and as Dacer was
obliged to turn back to the telephone and take down some directions
in writing she added, "He's been so absent-minded lately—since
Elbridge—forgetting everything if I didn't follow him up."
Dacer had finished telephoning.
"Miss Hazlitt and I are going to be married," he said. "Get me a taxi,
will you?"
"Not now!" said Lita.
He laughed.
"No, not tonight," he answered. "I've got to see a patient in
Washington Square. You'll go with me and wait in the cab. Then we'll
dine somewhere—and not get you back until late. We'll test this theory
of yours that parents can be reconciled through anxiety."
"Oh, I couldn't!" said Lita. "It would drive my mother mad!"
"Or to your father."
"It would hurt her terribly."
"I'm a surgeon. I know you've got to hurt people sometimes for their
own good. My bag, please, Miss Waverley. My book—thanks. Good-by."
A moment later they had gone, and Miss Waverley was left alone, tidying
the office for the night. She shook her head. Her thought was: "And
they expect us to respect them as if they were grown men." She sighed.
"And the grown-up men aren't any better," she thought.
In the meantime the pleasure of Mrs. Hazlitt's afternoon had been
spoiled by the idea that Lita was sitting at home, waiting for her.
Hers was a nature most open to self-reproach if no one reproached her.
She returned about seven, eager to do her duty. She came running
upstairs, calling to her daughter as she ran, and felt distinctly
foolish when Freebody said coldly that Miss Hazlitt had not yet come in.
"Hasn't come in?" cried Mrs. Hazlitt, and looked very severely at him
over the banisters.
Freebody had been with her long enough to have learned to withstand the
implication that anything he told her was his fault. He moved about,
putting the card tray straight.
"Miss Hazlitt went out before you did, madam."
"Alone?"
"After the other gentleman left. Not Mr. Valentine."
"There was no other gentleman but Mr. Valentine."
Freebody, in his irritating way, would not argue with her. She had to
begin all over again in order to elicit the facts—a gentleman had
come to the house soon after Miss Hazlitt's arrival, and just before
the arrival of Mr. Valentine. When he left, Miss Hazlitt had gone
directly—Freebody would infer that she had been trying to catch up
with him.
"Did she?" asked Mrs. Hazlitt.
"Ah, I couldn't say, madam."
Mrs. Hazlitt was really alarmed. This was the other man—the real
danger. By half past eight she was convinced of disaster. She called
up her former husband at his club. He had gone out to dinner. How
characteristic!
No one in the club seemed to know where he was dining; but the
telephone operator was ill-advised enough to say that if they did know
they were not allowed to give out the information.
Nothing annoyed Mrs. Hazlitt so much as a rule. The idea that the
telephone operator of the club knew something which she wanted to
know and would not tell her was an idea utterly intolerable. Was her
child to be murdered—or worse—because the club had a silly rule?
She ordered her motor and drove down to interview the starter. He
fortunately had heard the address Mr. Hazlitt had given his chauffeur.
It was that of a small restaurant famous for quiet and for good food.
A few minutes later Mrs. Hazlitt was standing in the doorway, fixing
her former husband with a significant stare. He was half through dinner
with a man from Baltimore. Baltimoreans believe that good food is only
terrapin and canvasback; and that terrapin and canvasbacks can only be
properly cooked in Baltimore, hence that no good food is obtainable
outside of their native city. Hazlitt was in process of proving his
friend wrong when he looked up and saw his former wife. He guessed at
once that something had happened to Lita, and began to feel guilty.
Alita, in common with so many wives, had always possessed the power of
making her husband feel guilty. In old times, with just a glance or
an inflection of the voice she could make him feel like the lowest of
criminals. And, rage as he might, he found this power had persisted.
Love may not always endure until death do them part, but the ability of
married people to make each other feel guilty endures to the grave—and
possibly beyond.
Hazlitt sprang to his feet, thinking that he ought to have seen
Valentine. It had been mere obstinacy on his part. If anything had
happened to Lita as a result—
Presently they were driving back to the house in Mrs. Hazlitt's car,
and so strong is the power of association that as they got out at
the house Hazlitt found himself feeling for his latchkey, though it
was thirteen years since he had had a key to that lock. Mrs. Hazlitt
saw it and felt rather inclined to cry. She herself was not without
a sense of guilt, for she had not told him about her interview with
Valentine. When he said repentantly that he ought to have seen the
fellow she answered that she was convinced his first judgment had been
correct—it wasn't necessary. He thought this very generous of her.
It was after nine when they entered the house. Still nothing had been
heard of Lita. Activity for some common interest can make strangers
friends and may keep enemies from open quarrels. Mrs. Hazlitt admired
Hazlitt's methods—his instructions to his secretary—his possession of
a friend in the police department. He complimented her upon the placing
of her telephones, her pens and ink. He thought to himself as he looked
about the room that she had always had the power to make the material
side of life comfortable and agreeable; if only she had understood
mental peace as well—
Their intercourse was impersonal, but not hostile. Hazlitt bore
interruption calmly, and though she could not allow him to say that
Lita resembled him in temperament, she contradicted him without insult.
They came nearest to a disagreement over the question as to whether it
was or was not a good rule that club employes should not be allowed to
give information as to the whereabouts of the members.
"Are all the members' lives so full of secrets?" she asked, and she
made the word "secrets" sound very sly.
Fortunately at that moment the doorbell rang, and Lita and Dacer
entered.
"Where have you been?" asked her father angrily.
"Dining with Doctor Dacer," answered Lita. "He and I are engaged."
"Nonsense!" said Mrs. Hazlitt.
"My daughter is not old enough to know her own mind," said Hazlitt to
Dacer.
"I know it all right," said Lita.
"Of course," said Dacer temperately, "we understand that we could not
be married for some time, but we wanted you to know—"
"Oh, that's what young people always say to begin with," Mrs. Hazlitt
answered; "but the first thing you know they are sending out their
wedding invitations."
Lita and Dacer looked a trifle silly. This had been exactly their
idea—to get consent to a long, long engagement, and then by the summer
to start a campaign for an early marriage.
Mr. Hazlitt rose and stood on the hearth rug—as if it were his own.
"You two young people realize," he remarked, "that I have never seen or
heard of Doctor Dacer before, and that so far he has caused me nothing
but anxiety."
"The whole thing has just been a web of deceit," said Mrs. Hazlitt.
"Until I know a little more about him, and until Lita is a year or
so older and more mature, I should not be willing even to discuss an
engagement, and I'm sure my wife agrees with me."
All four noticed that he had used the word without qualification, and
all four successfully ignored the fact. Indeed anyone entering the room
at that moment and seeing Mr. Hazlitt, so commanding on the hearth
rug, and Mrs. Hazlitt in a chair beside the fire, looking up at him
and nodding her head at the end of every sentence, would have supposed
them a married couple entering upon middle age without a thought of
disagreement.
The discussion followed good orthodox lines. The older people,
Olympian above their distress, granted that in a year or so if all went
well an engagement might be discussed; but at present none existed. The
young people, really calm, knew that nothing but their own wills could
change the fact that they were engaged at that moment.
When Dacer had gone home and Lita had gone to bed her parents outlined
their campaign. Delay without definite commitment was the idea—it
always is. In the meantime Hazlitt would have the young man thoroughly
looked up. Mrs. Hazlitt wagged her head despondently.
"I'm afraid there's nothing really against him. Doctor Burroughs
wouldn't have an assistant with anything actually criminal in his
record."
Lita was to be allowed to see him occasionally. To write? No, they
decided, after talking it over, that letters would be a mistake.
The point was, Mrs. Hazlitt explained, that the child must be left
perfectly free to change her mind. This might be just a fancy for the
first man who had asked her to marry him. Mrs. Hazlitt supposed it was
the first. Next winter Lita might meet a dozen men she preferred. She
had a sudden idea: Perhaps it would be wiser if the girl did go to
Italy with her father, to get her out of the way for a few months.
"I'm afraid you'd miss her dreadfully."
"I should cry all summer, but it doesn't matter."
"There's nothing that I can see to prevent your going to Italy
yourself."
"It's not usual to go junketing about Europe with your divorced
husband," she answered.
"It need not be known that we went together; we might meet by
accident," said Mr. Hazlitt, at which his former wife laughed a little
and said it sounded to her like a very improper suggestion, and he
looked serious and blank and monumental.
The Italian trip was left in abeyance, but the other details were
settled in a clear and definite manner. Dacer was to come to the
house once a month, never to write; and there were to be no flowers
or presents, or mention of an engagement. Certainly not! They parted
gravely, like people who had had their last long talk.
But this campaign, like many others, worked better in theory than in
effect. Dacer came the next morning, and again in the afternoon, and
then again the next morning. Mrs. Hazlitt protested. She said three
times in twenty-four hours was not occasionally. Dacer only laughed
and said it seemed very occasional to him. The situation was made more
difficult for her, too, by the fact that she really liked Dacer, and
he and Lita were so friendly and seemed to value her company so much
that she enjoyed herself with them more than was consistent in a stern,
relentless parent. Besides, in old days she had told Lita a great many
clever things she had accomplished in the management of her own parents
when she had been first engaged; and Lita, horrible child, remembered
every word, and would repeat them all to Dacer in her mother's presence.
Finding herself helpless, the second morning she telephoned to Hazlitt.
She said she thought it was almost impossible to forbid a man the house
partially; it ought to be one thing or the other.
Hazlitt said, "Let it be the other then; don't let the fellow come at
all."
Hearing a note of pitiable weakness in her voice, he offered to come in
himself.
He came that afternoon about three—an excellent time, for Lita was
upstairs and Dacer was occupied with office hours. Mrs. Hazlitt sent
Freebody to ask her daughter to come down, while she apologized to her
former husband for troubling him again.
"But the fact is," she said, "turning a young man out of the
house—that really is a father's job."
"Even if it isn't the father's house?"
"It's no affair of Doctor Dacer's whose house it is," answered Mrs.
Hazlitt with dignity. "You see, a mother's relation with a daughter is
too intimate, too tender—"
"I hope a father's may be both."
"I suppose it might, but it's not like a mother's. She respects you
deeply, Jim. I've brought her up to that."
"Have you, Alita?"
A hint of skepticism in his voice wounded Mr. Hazlitt.
"Of course I have," she answered. "Why, what do you mean? Are you
trying to suggest—how unjust! Lita," she added, as her daughter
entered, "have I ever said a word that could in any way reflect on your
father? Haven't I always brought you up to respect him?"
Lita looked at them reflectively. She had, in her time, told a great
many untruths for their sake. Now that she had them here together, she
rather thought it would be a good idea to tell them the truth. As she
paused, her mother repeated her question even more emphatically: "Have
I ever said anything to prejudice you against your father?"
"Why, of course you have, mother," she said. Her father gave a short,
bitter laugh, and she turned on him. "And so have you, Pat—only not so
often as mother."
"How can you be so disloyal?" cried her mother, her eyes getting larger
than ever.
"How can I be anything else? You two make me disloyal."
"Remember you are speaking to your mother," said Hazlitt protectingly.
"And to you, too, Pat," answered his daughter calmly. "You've each
wanted me to hate the other one, and you've both been as open about
it as you dared to be. It was always like giving mother a Christmas
present if I said anything disagreeable about you. And your cold gray
eye would light up, Pat, if I criticized anything about her."
"Divorced or not, we are your parents, please remember," said Hazlitt.
"You don't always remember it yourselves," the girl answered. "Parents!
You seem sometimes as if you were just two enemies trying to injure
each other through me."
Mrs. Hazlitt was already standing, and she drew a step nearer her
former husband.
"Jim," she wailed, "aren't they terrible—these young people? And I
thought she loved me!"
"I do love you, mother," said Lita; "I love you dearly—better than I
love Pat, only I can't help seeing that he behaves better. Or perhaps
not. Women understand the art of undermining better than men do. I
think Pat did all he knew how. You both filled my mind with poison
against the other, drop by drop. Oh, you don't know how dreadful it
is to be poisoned all the time by the two people you love best in the
world!"
Mrs. Hazlitt looked up into the face of her former husband, as to an
oracle.
"Do you think it's our divorce she's talking about?"
"Of course it isn't, mother," Lita answered. "I see you had a perfect
right not to be husband and wife any more if you didn't want to be; but
you couldn't change the fact that you are still my parents. You ought
to be able to coöperate about me, to present a united front."
"You'll find we present a united front on this issue," said Hazlitt
sternly. "I mean your engagement."
"Indeed?" said his daughter. "Let me tell you, I could separate you
tomorrow on it. I'm an expert. I should only have to intimate to Pat
that mother was getting to like Luke so much that behind his back—but
I'm sick of being treacherous and untruthful. You two must face the
fact that I love you both; that I like to be with both of you; and that
I will not be made to feel lower than the wombat because I do love you
both. Now, there it is; settle it between you."
After she had gone they continued to stare at each other, like the last
sane people in a world gone mad.
"What," said her father, "do you gather that that incomprehensible
tirade was all about?"
"I can't make out," answered her mother. "She never was like that
before—so excitable and rude. And I need not tell you that it's
all her fancy. I've been ridiculously scrupulous in never saying
anything to her but what a girl ought to hear about her father—a fixed
principle that our difficulties should not come between you and her."
"Of course, I know," he answered. "I know, because I know how
absolutely without foundation her attack on me was. I've been most
punctilious. To hurt a child's ideal of her mother! No, I have a good
deal to reproach myself with in regard to my treatment of you, Alita;
but not that—not that."
"I'm sure of it," and she gave him quite a starry glance. "The truth
is, I've spoiled her, Jim. I've treated her too much as a friend—as an
equal."
"It can't be done," said Hazlitt, shaking his head.
"It isn't possible to have an equal relation with the younger
generation. You've got to go to your contemporaries for friendship,
Alita. That was true since the world began; but these young people—"
Mrs. Hazlitt, who was still treating him as if he were an oracle,
brightened at these words as if he were an oracle in excellent form.
"Yes," she said, "they are different, aren't they? I can't imagine my
ever having spoken to my parents as Lita just spoke to us."
"Your mother! I should say not. One of the greatest ladies I ever met
anywhere!"
"Wasn't mother wonderful?" murmured Mrs. Hazlitt, and there was a pause
while they both reflected upon common memories.
Then she went on: "I must say I think you are very generous not to
criticize me for the way I've brought Lita up. I feel humiliated."
"My dear Alita," said Hazlitt, "I never have criticized you, and I
never shall."
"She hurt me terribly, Jim. She seemed so hard, so ruthless, so
appraising of things that ought to be held sacred."
These words were faintly reminiscent to Mr. Hazlitt, and he summoned
them up: "In short a little like me, after all."
"Perhaps a little bit. I know what you mean," answered his former wife;
and then, as he laughed at this reply, she saw that it was funny, and
she began to laugh too. But laughter was too much for her strained
nerves, and as she laughed she also cried, and the most convenient
place to cry on was Hazlitt's shoulder. They clung together, feeling
their feet slipping on the brink of that unfathomable abyss—the
younger generation.