[Footnote 1: Written by Mr. Henley in his confinement, and taken from
the wainscot in which it was concealed after the catastrophe.]
Whether what I am about to write may ever be found, or whether I the
writer may ever be heard of more, are both very doubtful events. It may
be of some use to mankind, should this brief narrative hereafter be
read; as it may tend to exemplify the progress of the passions, and to
shew after having begun in error the excesses of which they are
capable. I speak under the supposition that this paper may fall into
the hands of persons who know more of Mr. Clifton, and of the affair to
which I allude, than even I myself at present know; or, if I did, than
I have time and opportunity to relate.
With that hope, and addressing myself to such persons, I will
endeavour, as long as I have the means and am able, accurately to
recount the particulars of what has befallen me, from the time I was
first beset to the latest minute of my remaining where I am; whether my
removal happen by death or release; of which, though apparently beyond
hope, it would certainly be wrong to despair.
Oh, Anna St. Ives! Should thine eye ever glance over this paper,
ignorant as I am of thy destiny, though too well assured it is a
fearful one, think not, while I seem to narrate those incidents only
which have happened to myself, that I am attentive to self alone; that
I have forgotten the nobler duties of which we have so often sweetly
discoursed; or that the memory of thee and thy sufferings has ever been
absent from my heart!—But why bid thee be just? To whom didst thou
ever do a wilful wrong? Oh pardon me!—Live on, shouldst thou still be
permitted to live, and labour with redoubled ardour in the great cause
of truth! Despair not! Heave not a sigh, drop not a tear; but sacrifice
thy private ills to public good!
Before I begin, it is necessary to notice that I had the sum of eight
thousand pounds about me, in bank-bills: for it is this circumstance
which seems to have insured my death. Our walk was to have ended by
four o'clock, and the money to have been left at the banker's as we
returned. I cannot however acquit myself of neglect. I ought not to
have forgotten that money, under our present wretched system, is the
grand stimulus to vice; that accidents very little dreamed of daily
happen; and that procrastination is always an error.
As I was walking with the lady whose name I have just mentioned, in
some fields between Kensington and Brompton, we saw Mr. Clifton pass on
horseback, and I believe in less than a minute a man assault him, and
fire a pistol, with an intent to rob him as I then supposed.
I ran to his aid; and, immediately after the flight of this real or
imaginary robber, I was myself attacked, and laid senseless, by a blow
I received on the side of my head; which, as there was no person in
front able to strike at me, must have come from behind. I saw no more
for that time of Mr. Clifton. The blow was very violent, and is still
severely felt.
When I recovered my senses, I found my arms confined by a straight
waistcoat; such as are used to secure maniacs. I endeavoured to call
for assistance, but the man who had charge of me, for there were
several, thrust his thumb in the larynx, forced open my mouth, and
gagged me. He has twice had occasion, as he supposed, to use me thus;
and both times with such violence as seemingly to require the utmost
effort mind could make, to recover respiration; the thrust of his thumb
was so merciless, and the sensation of strangling so severe.
They brought me to a house thoroughly prepared for confinement. It is
an old but heavy building, walled round, and provided with bars, bolts,
chains, massy locks, and every precaution to impede escape.
I was led by one pair of stairs, to apartments consisting of two
chambers; the one roomy, the other much smaller; in which last is a
bed.
As soon as I was safe in the room, the master man among them, who as I
have since learned is a professed keeper of the insane, ungagged me,
took off the straight waistcoat, and then they all left me.
I stood I know not how long in that stupor of amazement which the
scene, and the crowding conjuctures of imagination, necessarily
produced.
At length, I roused my mind to more activity. I then set myself to
inspect the apartments. In the largest there was a fire place, and a
fire; but neither shovel, tongs nor poker; except a small stick as a
substitute for a poker, with which I certainly could not knock a
man down. The furniture consisted of a chair, a table, a broken
looking-glass, and an old picture, in panel, of the sacrifice of Isaac,
with Abraham's knife at his throat. It stares me now in the face, and
is a strong emblem of my own situation; except that my saving angel
seems wanting.
In the other room, exclusive of the bed and its appurtenances, there
was a second chair, which with an old walnut-tree clothes-press was its
whole inventory.
In this room was a closet, with several shelves almost to the ceiling;
the topmost of them so high as but just to be reached by me, when
standing on a chair. I swept my hand along the shelves, and found them
as I thought empty.
I then examined the windows. There were only two, one to each room; the
remainder having been walled up; and these each of them provided with
thick iron bars, so near to each other as to admit but of a small part
of the face passing between them. There was a casement to the front
room only; and I found a piece of paper tied to the handle of it, on
which was written—'You are closely watched: if you attempt to make any
signals, or shout, or take any other means to inform persons you are
here, your lodging will be changed to one much more disagreeable.'
Having nothing with which I could employ myself except my thoughts, and
these flowing in abundance, I sat meditating and undisturbed till it
was almost dark. A little before five o'clock as I suppose, perhaps
later, for I forgot to say my watch and purse had been taken from me,
with a promise that they should be returned, I heard the sound of
distant bolts and locks, that belong to the outer gates and doors, and
soon afterward of men in loud conversation.
The keeper and two of his assistants came up to me, and once more
brought the straight waistcoat, into which they bade me thrust my arms.
I hesitated, and told them I did not choose to have my arms confined.
To which the keeper replied—'B—- my b—— eyes! None of your jabber,
or I'll fetch you another rum one! I'll knock you off the roost again!'
From this speech I conclude it was he who gave me the blow with the
bludgeon, when I was first secured.
As he said this, he raised his bludgeon; with which kind of weapon they
were all three armed, and had locked the door after them. There was no
remedy, and I obeyed.
As soon as they had confined my arms they left me, and remembering the
bank-notes which I had in my fob, I began to fear they had come to the
knowledge of this circumstance; though I could not imagine by what
means. Some short time afterward, perhaps a quarter of an hour, the
bolts and chains of my door again began to rattle, and one person
singly came in. It was dark, and I could not distinguish his features,
but I recollected his form: it was the gambler Mac Fane; the sound of
his voice presently put it beyond a doubt.
Without speaking a word, he came up to me and made a violent blow at
me. I perceived it coming, sprang upward, and received it on the tip of
my shoulder, his hand driving up to my neck. From his manner, I guess
it hurt him at least as much as me; for his passion immediately became
outrageous, and he began cursing, kicking, spitting at me, and treating
me with various other indignities, which are wholly unworthy of
remembrance.
His passion was so loud and vehement that the keeper, hearing him, came
up. Just as he entered Mac Fane struck me again, and with more effect,
for he knocked me down; and was proceeding to kick me in a manner that
might perhaps have been fatal, had not the keeper interfered.
I said not one word the whole time, nor as I recollect uttered any
sound whatever; and it was with difficulty that the keeper, who is even
a more powerful man than himself, could get him away.
I was once more left in solitude and darkness; and thus sat, with fresh
subjects for reflection, ruminating on this worthless Mac Fane, my
rencontre with him and Mr. Clifton, the extreme malignancy of his
temper, and all the connecting circumstances that are allied to events
which I cannot now relate.
About eight o'clock my door once more opened, and a little boy of
fourteen years of age, as he tells me, brought me a light and some
food. The boy imagined me to be mad, and entered the room with great
reluctance, his master the keeper standing at the door, cursing him,
threatening him with the horse-whip, and obliging him to do as he was
bidden! which was to release me from the strait-waistcoat, spread a
threadbare half-dirty napkin over the table, set the plates, and wait
till I had eaten. The trepidation of the poor boy at setting my arms at
liberty was extreme.
The door was not open but ajar, and secured by three chains, between
which the boy crept; the keeper standing and looking on, with one arm
leaning on the middle chain, and his head only in the chamber.
I observed that the boy had an intelligent countenance, though
considerably under the influence of fear; with strong marks of kindness
in it, but stronger of dejection.
The furniture, the napkin, knives and forks, and every circumstance
denoted the poverty of the man who is my jailer: and his proceedings
proved there scarcely could be any guilt from which he would start, to
remove this supposed evil. The thought could not escape me, nor the
jeopardy in which I should stand, should the money I had in my
possession be discovered.
I ate what was brought me, and endeavoured by the mildness and
cheerfulness of my look to inspire the boy with confidence. I have no
doubt but he was surprised to see so docile a madman, not having yet
ever seen any, and being from description exceedingly terrified at the
idea of the trade to which he has been forcibly apprenticed. I spoke to
him two or three times, apparently to ask him for the trifles he could
reach me, but in reality with another view. I likewise addressed him
two or three other times in dumb-show, with as much mildness and
meaning in my look as circumstances so insignificant would permit.
The effect my behaviour had upon him was very evident; and after
beginning in fear and confusion, he left me in something like hope and
tranquillity. My prison door was locked, the candle taken away, and I
left in darkness. I was no more molested during that night.
My thoughts were too busy to suffer me to sleep. I sat without moving I
know not how long. The extreme stillness of all around me added to the
unity of the gloom, and produced a state of mind which gives wholesome
exercise to fortitude. Deep as I was in thought, I remember having been
two or three times roused by the sternness of the keeper's voice, which
I heard very plainly, and which was generally some command, closing
with a curse, and as I supposed directed to the poor boy.
My bed-chamber door was open, and after some time I removed into it,
and sat down on the feet of the bed, again falling into reveries which
fixed me motionless to the place. I cannot tell what was the hour, nor
how long I had been thus seated; but I was roused by the sound of a
door opening, and once more by the voice of the keeper, which I heard
so distinctly as to doubt for a moment whether it were not in my own
chamber.
At the same time a broad ray of light suddenly struck against the wall
of my bed-room. I followed it with my eye: I was still at the foot of
the bed, and its direction was from the left to the right. I had much
inclination to pull off my shoes, and endeavour to trace by what
aperture it entered; but on further reflection, I concluded it would be
best not to excite any alarm, in a mind which cannot but be continually
tormented by suspicion and fear.
I paid strict attention however to every circumstance that might aid my
memory, in tracing it on the morrow.
The voice of the keeper, for he spoke several times, was now much more
distinct than before: he was going to bed, and the question—'Are you
sure all is safe?'—was repeated several times with great anxiety, and
was answered in the affirmative by a man's voice—'Do you hear him
stir?' said the keeper.—The reply was—'No—But I am sure I heard him
a little before ten.'
The keeper however could not be satisfied, and in less than five
minutes I heard my door unbolting. The keeper and both his men came in
with their bludgeons. He asked morosely why I did not go to bed. I
answered because I had no inclination to sleep. He went again to the
windows, and examined the very walls with the utmost circumspection;
and afterward turning away said—'Sleep or wake, I'll be d—— if you
have any chance.'
He then left me, and I presently afterward saw the ray of light again,
and heard his various motions at going to bed.
I passed the night without closing my eyes, and in the morning began to
examine where it was possible the light should obtain admission. I
placed myself in the same situation, and looking to the left saw the
closet was in that direction, and that the door was open.
Looking into it I found that a part of the flooring, in the left hand
corner, was decayed; and that the ceiling beneath had a fissure of some
width.
I thought it a fortunate circumstance that sounds were conveyed
so distinctly into my apartments: though I speak chiefly of the
bed-chamber; for it was the loudness of the keeper's voice, and the
stillness of surrounding objects, which most contributed to my hearing
him in the front apartment. Not but the decayed state of the building
favoured the conveyance of sound, in all directions.
I began to consider how far I could improve the means that offered
themselves, and, watching my opportunity in the course of the day, with
my fingers and by the aid of the stick left to stir my fire, I removed
some of the decayed mortar to the right and left, and increased the
aperture on the inside; but was exceedingly careful not to push any
flakes, or part of the ceiling, down into the floor below. The
attention I paid to this was very exact, for it was of the utmost
consequence. Nor was I less accurate in pressing together the rubbish I
scraped away into vacant corners between the joints, and leaving no
traces that should lead to discovery.
All these precautions were highly necessary, as the behaviour of the
keeper had proved; for when he came into my chamber in the morning, as
he did early with his customary attendants, he searched and pried about
with all the assiduity of suspicion.
At breakfast I was again waited on by the boy, and watched by the
keeper. It was necessary I should not excite alarms, in a mind so full
of apprehension: I therefore behaved with reserve to the boy, though
with great complacency, said little, and dismissed him soon.
In the forenoon the door opened again: the boy was sent in with the
straight waistcoat, and the keeper said to me—'Come, sir; put on your
jacket!—Here, boy, be handy!'—I once more hesitated, and asked if Mr.
Mac Fane were coming to pay me another visit? He did not return me a
direct answer, but replied—'If you will put on the jacket, you may go
and stretch your pins for half an hour in the garden: if not stay where
you are, and be d——!'
After a short deliberation, I concluded that to comply was prudent; and
I very peaceably aided the boy in performing his office. As my back was
turned to the keeper, I smiled kindly and significantly to the boy; to
which he replied by a look expressive of surprise and curiosity.
It cannot be supposed but that my mind had been most anxiously
enquiring into the possibility and means of escape, while in my prison;
and that the moment this unexpected privilege was granted me, its whole
efforts were directed to the same subject.
I walked in the garden overlooked, and in a certain manner followed, by
the keeper and his attendants: I therefore traversed it in various
directions, without seeming to pay the least attention to the object on
which my mind was most busy. But the chance of escape, my hands being
thus confined, appeared to be as small in the garden as in the house.
It is completely surrounded by a high wall, which joins the house at
each end. It had one small gate, or rather door, which was locked and
bolted; and had no other entrance, except from the house. After having
walked about an hour as I suppose, the keeper asked me, in a tone
rather of command than question, if I were not tired. I answered—No.
To which he replied, But I am. Accordingly, without saying another
word, I returned to my prison.
I will attempt no description of the sufferings of my mind, and the
continual fears by which it was distracted: not for myself, for there
was no appearance, at this time, that any greater harm than confinement
was intended me, but for another. The subject is torturing: but
resignation and fortitude are duties. My reason for mentioning it is
that it strongly excited me to some prompt effort at escape.
I could think of none, except of endeavouring to convince the keeper it
was more his interest to give me my freedom, than to keep me in
confinement. Consequently, when my dinner was brought, and he had taken
his station, I asked him if he would do me the favour to converse with
me for half an hour; either privately or in the presence of his own
men.
He did not suffer me to finish my sentence, but exclaimed—
'None of your gab, I tell you! If you speak another word, I'll have you
jacketed: and then b—- me, my kiddy, if you get it off again in a
hurry!'
I said no more, but ate my dinner; casting an eye occasionally to the
door, and conjecturing what were the probabilities, by a very sudden
spring, of breaking the chain, for he had only put one up, or of
drawing the staple by which it was held, and which, from the thickness
of the wood-work, I knew could not be clenched. It was not possible, I
believe, for mind to be actuated by stronger motives than mine was, in
my wish to escape: the circumstance of the single chain might not occur
a second time, and I determined on the trial.
I prolonged my dinner till I perceived him begin to yawn, and at last
turn his head the other way. I was about twelve feet distant from the
door. I rose quietly, made two steps, and then gave a sudden spring. I
came with great violence against the door, but it resisted me, and of
course, I fell backward.
After the first moment of surprise, the keeper instantly locked the
door, and, in a rage of cursing, called his assistants. They however
soon pacified him, by turning his attention to the strength of his own
fastenings, and scoffing at my fruitless attempt.
But this incident induced him to change his mode: he stood no more with
the door ajar to watch me, but, after sending in the boy, locked and
bolted it upon us.
I was in full expectation of the straight waistcoat; and his
forbearance, I imagine, was occasioned by the strict orders he must
have received to the contrary. His threat indeed, when I attempted to
speak, is a proof rather against this supposition; and I can solve it
no other way than by supposing that his orders were, if I attempted
persuasion with him, he would then be at liberty to do a thing to which
he seemed exceedingly prone. His fears for himself, should I escape,
must inevitably be strong; and a man, who has waded far enough in error
to commit an act so violent, will willingly plunge deeper, in
proportion as such fears increase.
The sudden spring I had made at the door, combining with the
supposition of madness, had such an effect upon the poor boy that,
hearing the door lock and seeing me as he imagined let loose upon him,
his fright returned in full force. His looks were so pale, and he
trembled so violently, that I feared he would fall into a fit. I went
up to him with the utmost gentleness, and said—Don't be afraid, my
good boy! Indeed I will not hurt you.
The keeper scarcely stayed a minute before, recollecting I had been
long enough at dinner, he opened the door again, but with the caution
of the three chains, and bade the boy take away.
I then began to accuse myself of precipitancy; but I soon remembered
that every thing ought to be hazarded, where every thing is at stake.
My fears were not for myself; and, while my arms were free, could I
have come upon them thus suddenly, success was far from improbable.
Vice is always cowardly; and, difference of weapons out of the
question, three to one are not invincible odds.
It now first occurred to me how prudent it would be to conceal my
bank-bills, and I began to consider which were the best means. I took
them out, examined their numbers, and endeavoured to fix them in my
memory.
This was no difficult task; but prudence required that nothing should
be left to chance, and I took the burnt end of my stick, and going into
the back room, wrote the numbers against the wall, in a place which,
from its darkness, was least liable to notice. Indeed I considered
there was little to fear, even should the figures I made be seen, for I
wrote them in one continued line, which rendered them unintelligible
without a key.
I then once more took my chair, and placed it at the closet door;
thinking that to hide them at one corner of the topmost shelf might
perhaps be the securest place. I previously began to feel, and, at the
far end of the shelf, I put my hand upon something; which, when brought
to light, proved to be the remainder of a bundle of quills.
I felt again, but found nothing more there.
I then removed my chair toward the other end, and after two or three
times sweeping my hand ineffectually along the shelf, I struck the edge
of it against the wall, and more than half a quire of paper fell flat
upon it.
This led me to conjecture that the shelf had been a hiding place,
perhaps, to some love-sick girl, and that it was possible there should
be ink. After another more accurate search, and turning my other hand,
with which I could feel better to the opposite side, I found an
ink-bottle.
I took down my treasure, and examined it: there was cotton in the
bottle, but the ink was partly mouldy and partly dried away. However,
by the aid of a little water, I presently procured more than sufficient
to write down my numbers. But I wanted a pen, and for this there was no
succedaneum.
As the safest way of preserving what might become useful, I returned my
treasure to the shelf on which it had been found; and for that reason
began to consider of another place for my bank-notes. After looking
carefully round both chambers, I at last lifted up the old picture, and
here I found a break in the wainscot; in which was inserted, laterally,
full as much more writing paper as the quantity I had discovered in the
closet. I took away the paper entirely, lest, if seen, it should lead
to further search; and, twisting up the bills, laid them so as to be
certain of recovering them, when I pleased. The paper I put upon the
shelf.
When the boy brought my supper, I asked him his name, how old he was,
and other trifling questions, to familiarize and embolden him; and
learned from his answers that he had a poor mother, who was unable to
provide for him, and that he had been bound apprentice to this keeper
by the parish.
At last I enquired if he could write and read?
He answered, yes; he had been called the best scholar of the charity
school in which he was bred.
I then asked if he continued to practise his learning?
He replied he loved reading very much indeed: but he had no books.
Did he write?
He had no paper.
Was there a pen and ink in the house?
Yes; but the pen was seldom used, and good for nothing.
Could he get me a pen?
If he had but a quill, he could make me one.
Had he a pen-knife?
No; he had forgotten that: but one of the men had a knife with several
blades, and he could ask him to lend it.
And what should he write, supposing he had paper?
A letter.
To whom?
To his mother.
I thought it not right to expose my stores to him, and therefore
suffered him to go for that time, without saying any thing more on the
subject. But my discourse with him had pretty well driven all
apprehension from his mind. I was cautious to speak in a very low tone
of voice; and, without being bidden, he had acuteness enough to follow
my example.
The next day, at breakfast, I gave him a sheet of paper, and two
quills; and told him to make pens of them if he could; one for himself,
and the other for me; and to take the paper for his letter. He looked
with intelligent surprise—Where did they come from? was the question
in his thoughts; but he said nothing. Madmen were beings whom he did
not comprehend.
My kindness to him, however, made him desirous to oblige me. I gave him
a part of my breakfast; and he ate what I gave him in a manner that
shewed he was not over-fed.
At dinner he brought me both the pens. I asked him why he did not keep
one to write to his mother? He said he had written, but had cleaned and
cut the pen over again. They were not ill made, considering that, as he
told me, the knife was a bad one.
But what will you do for ink, sir? said he. I told him I had a little;
but that I should be glad if I had more. Perhaps, he replied, he could
get one of the men to bring him a half-pennyworth. I said I had no
money, and he answered a gentleman (Mr. Clifton, I suppose) had just
given him sixpence, for holding his horse; that he intended to save it
for his mother, but that he would spare a halfpenny to buy me ink.
I took the boy's hand, and said to him—'If ever I live to get free
from this place, I will remember you.'—The emotions I felt
communicated themselves, and he looked sorrowfully up in my face, and
asked—'Why, are not you mad, sir?'
The very earnest but mild manner with which I answered—'No, my good
fellow'—both convinced him and set his imagination to work.
I said little more, but finished my meal, wrote down my numbers, and
gave him the bottle: but warned him, if he were questioned, by no means
to tell an untruth. The boy looked at me again, in a manner that spoke
highly in his favour, put the bottle in his pocket, and, as soon as his
master returned to the door, removed the things and departed.
He brought the ink with my supper. One of the men had taken his
sixpence, but refused to return him any change; and the ink he had
emptied out of the keeper's bottle. Such are the habits of vice. The
boy related it with indignation, but said he dared not complain. I had
nothing else to give, I therefore rewarded the generous boy with a
couple of quills, and four sheets of paper for his own use; cautioning
him to keep them to write to his mother.
While I wanted the means, I imagined it would have been a great relief
to have had the power of writing down my thoughts; but I found they
were much too busy, and disturbed, by the recollection of Anna St. Ives
and her danger, and by the incessant desire of finding some means of
escape, notwithstanding a thousand repeated convictions of its
impossibility, to suffer me to write either with effect or connection.
I did nothing but make memorandums; some of thoughts that occurred, and
others of circumstances that were present. I concealed my papers in the
wainscot behind the picture, where I mean to leave this narrative.
The indulgence of my morning walk was continued; and on the sixth day
of my confinement an incident happened, by which I almost effected my
release.
Confiding in the strait waistcoat and in the strength of his locks and
bars, and become less apprehensive from this persuasion, the keeper had
left me under the care of only one of his men; himself and the other
were employed on something which he wanted done in the house.
While they were absent, the garden-bell rang. The voice of Mac Fane was
heard, demanding entrance, by the man who was set to watch me, and
fetching the key he opened the gate without hesitation.
My hopes were instantly excited. I made a short turn and crossed him,
as if continuing my walk, a few yards distant from the gate. He eyed me
however, and I went on; but, the moment he was busied in unlocking and
unbolting it, I turned round, sprang forward, and as it opened rushed
past.
The violence of my motion overset Mac Fane. The master, whose
suspicions had taken the alarm, was entering the garden and saw me. He
and his man and Mac Fane instantly joined in the pursuit.
Though I was in the strait waistcoat, yet I happened to be swifter than
any of them. The keeper was soon the first in the chase: it was up a
narrow lane, with a high-banked hedge on each side. A man was coming
down it, and the keeper called to him to stop me. The man seeing my
arms confined, and hearing the shouts of my pursuers, endeavoured to do
as he was desired. He placed himself directly in my way, and I ran full
against him.
We both fell; but the man by the aid of his hands was up rather the
soonest. He laid hold of me, and a sudden thought struck me. They were
bawling behind—'A madman! A madman!'—and I assumed that grinning
contortion of countenance which might easiest terrify, uttered an
uncouth noise, and began to bite at the man. Terror seized him, and I
again got away, the very moment the keeper was coming up.
I had not run a hundred yards further before I saw another man at a
distance, and the hue and cry behind was as hot as ever. The hedge in
this place was lower, and I jumped over it into the field on my right.
There was a ditch on the other side, of which I had no intimation; and
my feet alighting on the edge of it, I once more fell.
My pursuers profited by a gate, which I had passed. It was the field of
a gardener, and a man was at work close by. He came and helped me up;
but not soon enough: the keeper arrived, and presently after his man
and Mac Fane.
I addressed myself to the gardener, endeavoured to tell him who I was,
and said I would give him a hundred pounds, if he would aid me to
escape: but my efforts were soon put an end to by the keeper, who threw
me down, a second time violently thrust his thumb into my throat, and
by gagging me prevented further speech.
Mac Fane however thought proper to give the man half a crown, and they
all assured him I was a madman; which story was confirmed by the man
who supposed himself bitten, and who had joined in the pursuit.
The extreme malevolence of Mac Fane again displayed itself: but his
treatment is unworthy notice, except as it relates to what is to come.
I was hurried back to my prison, left with the strait waistcoat on that
whole day and night, and was fed by the boy; who shewed many silent
tokens of commiseration, though once more watched by the keeper and his
two attendants, with the three chains up at the door. All conversations
between me and the boy were for several days ended, by the continued
overlooking of the keeper and his men.
After the keeper and Mac Fane had retired, I went into the back room,
and was standing with my face toward the window, which is beside the
closet. The behaviour of Mac Fane had been so extraordinary as already
to lead me to suspect he had a wish to take away my life.
As I was standing here, I heard the keeper's bed-room door open and
shut again, and soon after the voices of him and Mac Fane in
conversation. I listened very attentively to a dialogue, the substance
of which was to me much more alarming than unexpected. It was a
consultation, on the part of Mac Fane, on the policy and means of
murdering me.
The keeper opposed him, several times mentioned Mr. Clifton as an
unconquerable objection, and urged the danger of being detected; for he
did not seem to revolt at the fact.
Mac Fane answered he would silence Clifton; of whom his favourite
phrase was that 'He should soon do him!'—which he repeated very often,
with a variety of uncommon oaths. He even said that, were I fairly out
of the way, he could make Edward St. Ives pay him the three thousand
guineas.
The curses which Mac Fane continually coupled with my name, and the
rancour, the thirst of blood which preyed upon him, were incredible. He
a hundred times imprecated eternal damnation to his soul if there were
the least danger. The fellows the keeper had with him were of his own
providing: they knew he could hang them both: they durst not impeach.
[Squeak, I recollect, was the word he used.] To take me off was the
safest way. Clifton would in reality be an accessary before the fact,
and therefore obliged to silence. Beside—'He would do him! He would do
him!'—This he confirmed by a new string of oaths.
The keeper however continued averse to the project, said the fellows
would hang their own father if he could not bribe them, that there was
nothing to be got by putting me out of the way, and that he would not
venture his neck unless he saw good cause.
While they were arguing the point, a loud and authoritative rap was
heard at the keeper's door, accompanied by the voice of Mr. Clifton,
demanding admission. He entered, and the whole story of my escape was
related, with that colouring which their own fears inspired.
Mac Fane darkly hinted the thoughts he had been communicating to the
keeper; but, meeting repulse from Mr. Clifton whenever ideas of cruelty
were started, he thought proper to use more reserve.
The keeper concluded his account by affirming it would be necessary to
continue me in the strait waistcoat, and not to let me walk in the
garden any more. Mr. Clifton assented to the latter, but positively
ordered my arms to be released. There was no need he said to punish me
in this manner, and it should not be. At the same time he gave the
keeper a twenty pound note, and repeated his orders to treat me
properly, but to take care not to suffer me to escape.
Misguided man! How does your heart pant after virtue! How grieve at the
slavery in which it is held! What will its agony be, when the full
measure of error is come!
Yet this to me was the lucid moment of hope, for it suggested a train
of conclusions which seem like heavenly certainties—Mr. Clifton had
made his attempts on Anna St. Ives, and they have been repelled! Even
still, and it is several days since, his efforts continue to be
ineffectual!—It must be so!—The purposes of vice are frustrated by
the pure energies of virtue: for, had they succeeded, I should be
released. Heart-cheering thought! Pleasure inexpressible! Yes, Anna St.
Ives is safe! Truth is omnipotent; and out of my ashes another, and
probably a more strenuous and determined assertor of it may arise!
Clifton at last may see how very foul is folly, and turn to wisdom!
Would he might be spared the guilt of purchasing conviction at the
price of blood!
Three days passed away, after my escape, without any remarkable
occurrence. The sanguinary malignity of Mac Fane was more than
counterbalanced, by the reasonings of probability and hope in favour of
Anna St. Ives.
During my confinement, I had slept but little. Wearied however at
length, by the repetition of ideas that were unavailing, I was
slumbering more soundly than usual on the night after the ninth day;
and was dreaming that my doors were unbolted, the chains rattling, and
men entering to murder me; from which I was waked by starting in my
dream to run and resist them. It was the real clanking of the bolts and
locks of the house doors that inspired this dream; they opened to give
some one admission. I know not what was the hour, but it must be very
late, and it was completely dark. I soon distinguished Mac Fane's
voice. I jumped up, hastily dressed myself in part, and presently heard
the keeper's door open—The ray of light appeared on the wall—I crept
toward the closet.
The first word Mac Fane uttered was—'I told you I should do him!—I
told you I should do him!'
He kept repeating this and other exclamations, which I could not at
first comprehend, closing each of them with oaths expressive of
uncommon exultation. But he descanted almost instantly from Mr.
Clifton, to whom his phrase alluded, to me; adding—it was high time
now to do me too.
His joy was so great, his oaths so multiplied, and his asseverations so
continual, that he would tread me out, would send my soul to hell that
very night, and other similar phrases, that it was some time before the
keeper could obtain an answer to his question of—'What does all this
mean?' At last Mr. Mac Fane began to relate, as soberly as the
intoxication of his mind would permit, that he had done him [Mr.
Clifton] out of ten thousand pounds.
Had he got the money?
No—But God shiver his soul to flames if he did not make him pay! He
would blow him to powder, drink his blood, eat his bones if he did not!
This was not all—He had another prize! Eight thousand pounds! The
money was now in the house!
He stopped short—The cupidity of the keeper was excited, and he grew
impatient. Mac Fane I imagine hesitated to reconsider if it were
possible to get all the money himself, make away with me secretly, and
leave the keeper in ignorance. But he could not but conclude this to be
impracticable.
I could not sufficiently connect the meaning of all the phrases that
followed; they might depend as much on seeing as hearing; but I
understood Mac Fane was acquainted with the circumstance of the money I
have in my possession; though whether his knowledge were gained from
Mr. Clifton or Anna St. Ives, for they were both mentioned, I could not
distinguish. He talked much of a letter, of his own cunning, and of the
contempt in which he held Mr. Clifton.
The keeper however was convinced of the fact, for he proposed
immediately to murder me, and secure the money.
This point was for some time debated, and I every moment expected they
would leave the room, to perpetrate the crime. Mac Fane had his pistols
and cutlass, yet seemed to suppose a possibility even of my conquering
them. The keeper was much more confident—'He knew how to bring me
down; he had no fear of that.'—Mac Fane remembered his defeat, and
the keeper his cheaply bought victory.
They agreed it could not be done silently, unless they could catch me
asleep, and the unbolting of the doors would awaken me. They wished the
keeper's fellows to know nothing of the matter; they would claim their
share.
At last Mac Fane proposed that I should be put in the strait waistcoat
the next morning, on pretence of walking me out in the garden; that
perhaps it would be best to suffer me to walk there, but not to take
off the strait waistcoat any more; that then the doors might be left
unbolted, and even unlocked, my arms being confined; and the next night
they might come and dispatch me!
The conversation continued long after this, and schemes of flight,
either to Ireland or the continent, were concerted, and the riches and
happiness they should enjoy insisted on, with great self-applause and
pleasure. Poor, mistaken men!
They at last parted, with a determination to execute the scheme of the
strait waistcoat. Mac Fane took possession of the keeper's bed; and he
as I imagine went to that of his men.
And here I must remark that Mac Fane either forgot or did not imagine
that my immediate murder would be an impediment to the payment of the
ten thousand pound gaming debt, from Mr. Clifton; which fear afterward
actuated him strongly. It could not do otherwise, the moment it was
conceived.
According to agreement, in the morning the keeper came, with as much
pretended kindness as he knew how to assume, to tell me I might have my
walk in the garden again, if I pleased. I answered I did not wish to
walk. He endeavoured to persuade me, but he soon found it was to no
purpose. He then ordered the boy away, who had brought the strait
waistcoat, and quitted his station at the door in great dudgeon.
I soon afterward heard, as I expected, Mac Fane and him in his own
room. Mac Fane cursed the keeper bitterly, and supposed that, for want
of cunning, he had in part betrayed himself, and rendered me
suspicious. The keeper resented his behaviour and cursed again, till I
imagined they had fairly quarrelled.
Mac Fane however began to cool, and to talk of another expedient of
which he had been thinking. This was to poison me. In this the keeper
immediately joined, and began to enquire about the means of procuring
the poison. The boy was first mentioned, but that was thought too
dangerous. At last Mac Fane determined himself to go to London and buy
arsenic, on pretence of poisoning rats, and to set off immediately. On
this they concluded, and presently left the room.
My whole attention was now employed in watching the opening of the
keeper's door; but there was reason to apprehend they would converse
somewhere else on their projects. I imagine however they thought this
the safest and most inaccessible place, for a little before dark I
again heard the voice of Mac Fane, and they presently came back to
their former station.
Mac Fane related the difficulty he had found in getting the arsenic;
that several shops had refused him; and that at last he had succeeded
by ordering a quantity of drugs, for which he paid, leaving them to be
sent to a fictitious address, and returning back pretending he wanted
some poison for the rats, asking them which was the best. They
recommended arsenic, which they directed him to make up in balls, and
he ordered a quarter of a pound. They weighed it, he put it in his
pocket, and they noticed the circumstance, telling him they would send
it home with the other drugs; but he walked away pretending not to hear
what they said.
Mac Fane, glorying in his own cunning, was impatient to administer his
drug, and proposed it should be sent up in my tea. The keeper assented,
and the boy very soon afterward brought me some tea in a pot ready
made, contrary to custom, I having been used to make my own tea.
The keeper was at the door. I asked him the reason of this deviation;
and he bade me drink my tea and be thankful. I poured some out, first
looked at it, then tasted it, and afterwards threw it into the ashes,
saying it was bad tea. I next examined the tea-pot, smelled into it,
and then dashed it to pieces on the hearth. I looked toward the keeper
and told him there was something in the tea that ought not to have
been.
Seeing me take up the candle and begin to move, he instantly shut the
door. His conscience was alarmed, and for a moment he forgot the
security of his chains. He even called up his men before he opened it
again; after which the boy was released, but not before I had time to
tell him never to eat any thing that was brought for me. The poor boy
noticed the significance with which I said it, and fixed his eyes
mournfully upon me. I shook him by the hand, bade him be a good boy,
and not learn wickedness from his master.
The remains of the tea-set were soon removed, and a fresh consultation
presently began in the keeper's room. Mac Fane was again enraged, and
blamed the keeper; who began to suppose there was something
supernatural in my behaviour. He said I looked at him as if I knew it
was poison, and it was very strange! Mac Fane swore he would dose me at
supper, and would go and make me eat it himself, or blow my brains out;
but he presently recollected I had not the strait waistcoat on, and
altered his tone. It was however agreed that another attempt should be
made.
I now began to consider all circumstances; whether it were probable, if
I ate a little, that the keeper should suppose it only a temporary want
of appetite; what quantity might be eaten without harm, and if it were
not practicable to watch the moment when they should come, by night, to
execute their wicked purpose, and to pass them and escape? A little
reasoning shewed me that I should be in the dark, in a house the
avenues to which were all secured, and with which I was unacquainted;
that the number I had to contend with now would be four, three of them
provided with bludgeons, and the fourth with a hanger and pistols; that
release by the order of Mr. Clifton was not impossible; and that, if I
began a fray, I should excite cowardice to action; and, having begun,
Mac Fane would scarcely, miss such an opportunity.
These reasons made me rather resolve to persevere in fasting; which
remedy, though it could not be of long duration, appeared to be the
wisest. Yet caution was necessary, for, should I make them absolutely
despair of poisoning me, they would have recourse to other means.
My resolution was taken, and when the supper came I tasted a bit of
bread and drank a small quantity of water, after carefully inspecting
it, and without saying any thing more sent the rest away.
The keeper's door soon opened, the ray of light appeared on the wall,
and a new consultation succeeded. The keeper again was troubled with
superstitious fears; and Mac Fane was persuaded that, having been
alarmed at tea-time, I had from suspicion refused to eat any supper.
After a debate, they concluded it would be in vain to attempt to poison
me in my tea, for I should detect it: they would therefore send me a
short allowance at breakfast, keep me hungry, and prepare my dinner for
the next day. The keeper proposed to give me no breakfast, but Mac Fane
said that was the way to make me suspect.
They were both highly chagrined; but Mac Fane was much the most
talkative at all times, and the loudest in oaths and menaces: though I
scarcely think even him a more dangerous man than the keeper.
In the morning, observing they had sent agreeable to their plan a small
quantity, after a little examination I ate what was brought me, and the
keeper retired apparently satisfied.
It was far otherwise at dinner, when I absolutely refused to eat; and
their vexation was greatly increased by my persisting to refuse the
whole day.
Late at night a new council was held, and it was long in debate whether
I should be suffered to live the night out. At last the cupidity of Mac
Fane prevailed, and his fear of not getting Mr. Clifton's bond for
eleven thousand pounds, as he said, though I understood he had won but
ten, seems now to have first struck him; and this induced him to
desist. I understood however that Mac Fane had still some hopes from
his poison, and consequently that to fast would still be necessary.
Their final resolve was that, the moment Mr. Clifton should have given
Mac Fane the bond, they would then delay no longer: and, from the
threats which he vaunted of having used, he expected the bond to be
given the next day, when Mr. Clifton was to come to the keeper's, if I
understood them rightly, after his visit to Anna St. Ives.
This idea again conjured up torturing images, and fears which no
efforts I have been able to make can entirely appease.
I began this narrative the first day on which I found my life was in
danger, and have continued it to this time, which is now the twelfth
day of my confinement. The desire which the keeper expresses to possess
himself of the money convinces me of my great jeopardy. He was eager to
have committed the murder last night, during the last conversation I
heard. That I should escape with life from the hands of these wicked
men is but little probable; but I will not desert myself; I will not
forward an act of blood by timidity. Were I to destroy the bank-bills,
and to tell them they were destroyed, I should not be believed. I mean
to try another expedient—I hear them in the keeper's room!
These are the last words I shall ever write. They are determined on
immediate murder—But I will sell my life dearly.