An outline of humor Being a true chronicle from prehistoric ages to the twentieth century

About this eBook

Editor

Wells, Carolyn, 1862-1942

Original Publication

United States: G. P. Putnam's Sons,1923.

Credits

Charlene Taylor, Karin Spence and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.)

Language

English

LoC Class

PN: Language and Literatures: Literature: General, Criticism, Collections

Subject

Wit and humor

Category

Text

Project Gutenberg

eBook-No. 68163

Release Date

May 24, 2022

Copyright

Public domain in the USA.

Contents

1. 1.An Outline of Humor
2. 2.FOREWORD
3. 3.ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
4. 4.CONTENTS
5. 5.Untitled
6. 6.INTRODUCTION
7. 7.ANCIENT HUMOR — A WIFE’S RUSE (A Rabbinical Tale) — THE HYMN OF THE FROGS — THE GOOD WIFE AND THE BAD HUSBAND
8. 8.MIDDLE DIVISION — PART I GREECE — ÆSOP’S FABLES — THE BEATING OF THERSITES — THE MEETING — THE PASSAGE OF THE STYX — THE FINE LADY. BY SIMONIDES. — Anaxandriades — Eubulus — Aristophon — Alexis — OF SLOVENLINESS — OF LOQUACITY — FROM THE GREEK ANTHOLOGY — Lucian DARKNESS — Crates CURES FOR LOVE — Julian BEER — Agathias GRAMMAR AND MEDICINE — Nearchus A SINGER — Ammianus AN EPITAPH — Lucilius ENVY — A PROFESSOR WITH A SMALL CLASS — FALSE CHARMS — A SCHOOLMASTER WITH A GAY WIFE — BOARD OR LODGING — Anon CONVENIENT PARTNERSHIP — Anon LONG AND SHORT — Anon THE LERNEANS — Anon PERPLEXITY — Lucian A QUESTION OF PRECEDENCE — ODYSSEUS’S TRICK ON POLYPHEMUS Poseidon and Polyphemus — Philippides — DIPHILUS — Apollodorus
9. 9.PART II ROME — Plautus MILITARY SWAGGER — THE SUSPICIOUS MISER MEGADORUS and EUNOMIA — Terence PARASITES AND GNATHONITES — Catullus THE ROMAN COCKNEY — A FIXED SMILE — Horace OBTRUSIVE COMPANY ON THE SACRED WAY — AN INGENIOUS COOK — POETIC FAME — TO SABIDIUS — PLAY’S THE THING — TO CATULLUS — BETWEEN THE LINES — TO AULUS — TO POSTUMUS — ROUNDED WITH A SLEEP — VENDETTA — A MERE SUGGESTION — WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN — A TOTAL ABSTAINER — MUTE MILLIONS — MAN AND SUPERMAN — TO LINUS — CREDE EXPERTO — NUMBERS SWEET — MILLIONS IN IT — TO MAMERCUS — Juvenal COSMETIC DISGUISE — ON DOMINEERING WIVES — Apuleius METAMORPHOSES — VICISSITUDES OF A DONKEY
10. 10.PART III — MEDIÆVAL AGES — Kalidasa HUNTING WITH A KING — Unknown Author THE CREATION OF WOMAN — EXTRACTS FROM THE TALMUD — THE SIMPLETON AND THE SHARPER — THE THIEF TURNED MERCHANT AND THE OTHER THIEF — THE IGNORANT MAN WHO SET UP FOR A SCHOOLMASTER — THE HUSBAND AND THE PARROT — BAKBARAH’S VISIT TO THE HAREM — XXVII — XXVIII — XXIX — XXX — XXXI — XXXII — LIV — LV — LIX — LXI — LXVIII — LXIX — LXX — LXXII — XCIII — XCIV — XCV — ON SULTAN MAHMOUD — DISCOMFORT BETTER THAN DROWNING — THE STRICT SCHOOLMASTER AND THE MILD — HATEFULNESS OF OLD HUSBANDS — THE SICK SCHOOLMASTER — THE INVALID AND HIS DEAF VISITOR — OLD AGE—DIALOGUE — Do-Pyazah THESE DEFINITIONS — DIVING FOR AN EGG—ANECDOTE — THE PLEASURE OF FISHES—ANECDOTE — POPULARITY — A STANZA FOR A TOBACCO-POUCH — RECIPES — PROVERBS — ON CLOTHES AND COMFORTS — COLLECTIONS — Fables THE GREEDY AND AMBITIOUS CAT — A RAVEN, A FOX, AND A SERPENT — THE CRANE AND THE CRAY-FISH — THE MERCHANT AND HIS FRIEND — THE MAID, THE MONKEY, AND THE MENDICANT — ABOUT A WOMAN’S PROMISE — OF A QUEER RELATIONSHIP — Jests of Hierocles — GREEK — ROMAN — EPIGRAMS — THE THIEF AND THE SUICIDE — Plato THE MISER AND THE MOUSE — Lucillius A MISER’S DREAM — Nicarchus THE GREAT CONTENTION — Unknown Author ON LATE-ACQUIRED WEALTH — A VOICE FROM THE GRAVE — ON THE INCONSTANCY OF WOMAN’S LOVE — Catullus ON HIS OWN LOVE — Aly Ben Ahmed Ben Mansour TO THE VIZIR CASSIM OBID ALLAH, ON THE DEATH OF ONE OF HIS SONS — The Khaliph Radhi Billah TO A LADY UPON SEEING HER BLUSH — Janus Pannonius ON AURISPA — Actius Sannazarius ON AUFIDIUS — Euricius Cordus TO PHILOMUSUS — THE DOCTOR’S APPEARANCE — Georgius Buchananus TO ZOILUS — ON LEONORA — Johannes Secundus ON CHARINUS, THE HUSBAND OF AN UGLY WIFE — Theodorus Beza — Paulus Thomas ON CELSUS — Stephanus Paschasius MARRIED LIFE — Johannes Audœmus TO A FRIEND IN DISTRESS — ADVICE TO PONTICUS — Balthasar Bonifacius DANGEROUS LOVE — San Shroe Bu ENFORCED GREATNESS — I. — II. — OF SLOTH — OF THE GOOD, WHO ALONE WILL ENTER THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN — OF THE INCARNATION OF OUR LORD — OF THE DECEITS OF THE DEVIL — OF VIGILANCE IN OUR CALLING
11. 11.MODERN HUMOR — THE COCK AND THE FOX — TO MY EMPTY PURSE — BALLAD OF WOMEN’S DOUBLENESS — L’ENVOI — TO MAISTRES MARGARET HUSSEY — HOW THE WELSHMAN DYD DESYRE SKELTON TO AYDE HIM IN HYS SUTE TO THE KYNGE FOR A PATENT TO SELL DRYNKE — Here Begynneth Certayne Merye Tales of Skelton, Poet Lauriat HOW SKELTON CAME LATE HOME TO OXFORD FROM ABINGTON — The Jests of Scogin HOW JACKE BY SOPHISTRY WOULD MAKE OF TWO EGGS THREE — HOW SCOGIN SOLD POWDER TO KILL FLEAS — From Mery Tales of the Mad Men of Gottam THE SECOND TALE — THE THIRD TALE — From Mother Bunches Merriments HOW MADDE COOMES, WHEN HIS WIFE WAS DROWNED, SOUGHT HER AGAINST THE STREAME — The Pleasant Conceits of Old Hobson HOW MAISTER HOBSON SAID HE WAS NOT AT HOME — OF THE WOMAN THAT FOLLOWED HER FOURTH HUSBANDS BERE AND WEPT — A C. Mery Talys OF THE MERCHAUNTE OF LONDON THAT DYD PUT NOBLES IN HIS MOUTHE IN HYS DETHE BEDDE — OF THE SCOLER OF OXFORDE THAT PROVED BY SOVESTRY II CHYKENS III — OF THE COURTEAR THAT ETE THE HOT CUSTARDE — OF HYM THAT SOUGHT HIS WYFE AGAYNST THE STREME — OF THE FOOLE THAT THOUGHT HYM SELFE DEED — FROM HENRY IV, PART I — FROM MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING — FROM THE MERCHANT OF VENICE — FROM HAMLET — FROM AS YOU LIKE IT — OF A PRECISE TAILOR — OF A CERTAIN MAN — FROM “EVERY MAN IN HIS HUMOR” — FROM “VOLPONE” — A VINTNER , — THE WILL — OBEDIENT HUSBANDS — LAUGHING SONG ( For several voices ) — LIKE TO THE THUNDERING TONE — NONSENSE — FAREWELL TO THE FAIRIES — THE LIE — JOLLY GOOD ALE AND OLD — ACROSTICS — THE MARRIED STATE — THE SCHOLAR AND HIS DOG — FRENCH WIT AND HUMOR — THE ASS’S TESTAMENT — ADVICE TO A FRIEND ON MARRIAGE — ENVOY — TO MY NOSE — APOLOGY FOR CIDER — THE BALLADE OF DEAD LADIES Translated by Dante Gabriel Rossetti — A BALLADE OF OLD TIME LADIES Translated by John Payne — BALLAD OF THE WOMEN OF PARIS — A LOVE-LESSON — MADAME D’ALBRET’S LAUGH — MONEY — OF THE ECLIPSES THIS YEAR — OF THE DISEASES THIS YEAR — OF THE FRUITS OF THE EARTH THIS YEAR — RABELAIS IMITATES DIOGENES ( From the Author’s Prologue to Book III. ) — THE LOST HATCHET — GERMAN WIT AND HUMOR — EULENSPIEGEL’S PRANKS The Golden Horseshoes — ITALIAN WIT AND HUMOR — OF THREE GIRLS AND THEIR TALK — THE STOLEN PIG — THE MAKING OF MASTER MESSERIN — THE INHERITANCE OF A LIBRARY — LIVING IN BED — ON A WET DAY — A COMPULSORY MARRIAGE AT SWORD’S POINT — CRITICISM OF A STATUE OF HERCULES — SPANISH WIT AND HUMOR — SLEEP — HE SECURES SANCHO PANZA AS HIS SQUIRE — OF THE VALOROUS DON QUIXOTE’S SUCCESS IN THE DREADFUL AND NEVER-BEFORE-IMAGINED ADVENTURE OF THE WINDMILLS — THE SEVENTEENTH CENTURY — From Human Nature LAUGHTER — THE KISS—A DIALOGUE — A TERNARY OF LITTLES, UPON A PIPKIN OF JELLY SENT TO A LADY — Richard Lovelace SONG — Sir John Suckling THE CONSTANT LOVER — THE REMONSTRANCE — FROM L’ALLEGRO — EPITAPH FOR AN OLD UNIVERSITY CARRIER — THE RELIGION OF HUDIBRAS — SAINTSHIP VERSUS CONSCIENCE — DESCRIPTION OF HOLLAND — POETS — PUFFING — EXTRACTS FROM THE DIARY — ON SHADWELL — ON THE DUKE OF BUCKINGHAM — MILTON COMPARED WITH HOMER AND VIRGIL Under a Picture of Milton in the 4th Edition of Paradise Lost . — FROM ROBINSON CRUSOE Friday’s Conflict with the Bear — AN EPITAPH — A SIMILE — PHILLIS’ AGE — A REASONABLE AFFLICTION — FRENCH HUMOR — THE SOUL OF THE CABBAGE — FROM “THE LEARNED WOMEN” — FROM “THE GENTLEMAN CIT” — FAREWELL TO CHLORIS — FROM LES PROVINCIALES ON MENTAL RESERVATIONS — THE COUNCIL HELD BY THE RATS — THE COCK AND THE FOX — THE CROW AND THE FOX — TO PERRAULT — ON COTIN — IPHIS — THOUGHTS — DIATRIBE AGAINST WATER — ADVICE TO AN INNKEEPER — TO A POET — GERMAN HUMOR — THE DONKEY’S VOICE — A BURDENSOME WIFE — ST. ANTHONY’S SERMON TO THE FISHES — THE EIGHTEENTH CENTURY — AGAINST ABOLISHING CHRISTIANITY — THE FURNITURE OF A WOMAN’S MIND — SUNT QUI SERVARI NOLUNT — ON HIS OWN DEAFNESS — TO MRS. HOUGHTON OF BORMOUNT, UPON PRAISING HER HUSBAND TO DR. SWIFT — LINES BY A PERSON OF QUALITY — WORMS To the Ingenious Mr. Moore, inventor of the celebrated worm powder. — EPIGRAM ON MRS. TOFTS ( A celebrated Opera Singer. ) — THE WILL OF A VIRTUOSO — THE SPLENDID SHILLING — John Arbuthnot A DISSERTATION ON DUMPLINGS — ON LYING NEWS-WRITERS — AN ELEGY ON THE DEATH OF A MAD DOG — AN ELEGY ON THE GLORY OF HER SEX, MRS. MARY BLAIZE — PARSON GRAY — A FAITHFUL PICTURE OF ORDINARY SOCIETY — THE COLUBRIAD — LET THE TOAST PASS FROM “THE SCHOOL FOR SCANDAL” — LORD ERSKINE’S SIMILE — SHERIDAN’S CALENDAR — THE FRIEND OF HUMANITY AND THE KNIFE-GRINDER — HOLY WILLIE’S PRAYER — ADDRESS TO THE TOOTHACHE — THE NINETEENTH CENTURY — MRS. PARTINGTON — SALAD — THE TEN LOST TRIBES OF ISRAEL — THE WELL OF ST. KEYNE — A “TRUE AND ORIGINAL” VERSION — RAISING THE DEVIL A LEGEND OF CORNELIUS AGRIPPA — MURDER AS ONE OF THE FINE ARTS — AFTER SWIMMING THE HELLESPONT — FAITHLESS NELLY GRAY A PATHETIC BALLAD — NO! — THE BABY’S DÉBUT — THE MILKMAID AND THE BANKER — THE JESTER CONDEMNED TO DEATH — THE IRISHMAN — WHY DON’T THE MEN PROPOSE? — NAUTICAL TERMS — COLD MUTTON, PUDDING, PANCAKES — NONSENSE — LYING — WHAT’S MY THOUGHT LIKE? — OF ALL THE MEN — ON TAKING A WIFE — UPON BEING OBLIGED TO LEAVE A PLEASANT PARTY FROM THE WANT OF A PAIR OF BREECHES TO DRESS FOR DINNER IN — RORY O’MORE — LANTY LEARY — WIDOW MALONE — A SONG OF IMPOSSIBILITIES — LITTLE BILLEE — THE WOLFE NEW BALLAD OF JANE RONEY AND MARY BROWN — WHEN MOONLIKE ORE THE HAZURE SEAS — SORROWS OF WERTHER — MRS. GAMP’S APARTMENT — THE HUSBAND’S PETITION — THE LAY OF THE LOVELORN PARODY ON TENNYSON’S “LOCKSLEY HALL” — THE PROFESSOR’S MALADY — THE GOOSE — THE POPE AND THE NET — MY MISTRESS’S BOOTS — ON A SENSE OF HUMOUR — SOME LADIES — A TERRIBLE INFANT — BALLAD — THE COCK AND THE BULL — LOVERS, AND A REFLECTION — ODE TO TOBACCO — JABBERWOCKY (From Through the Looking-Glass ) — WAYS AND MEANS — SOME HALLUCINATIONS — THE TWO OLD BACHELORS — THE HIGHER PANTHEISM IN A NUTSHELL — NEPHELIDIA — ON A FAN THAT BELONGED TO THE MARQUISE DE POMPADOUR — THE ROUNDEAU — BALLAD OF THE PRIMITIVE JEST — BALLADE OF LITERARY FAME — THE MIGHTY MUST — TO THE TERRESTRIAL GLOBE By a Miserable Wretch. — GENTLE ALICE BROWN — TRUE TO POLL — VILLANELLE — A HUMOURIST ON HIS CALLING — A NOCTURNE AT DANIELI’S (Suggested by Browning’s A Toccata of Galuppi’s .) — TO JULIA UNDER LOCK AND KEY — AT THE SIGN OF THE COCK (FRENCH STYLE, 1898) — HERE IS THE TALE (AFTER RUDYARD KIPLING) — DE TEA FABULA Plain Language from Truthful James — A SONNET — A THOUGHT — THE MILLENNIUM TO R. K. — SCHOOL — THE POETS AT TEA — SELECT PASSAGES FROM A COMING POET — THE PYTHON — THE BISON — THE MICROBE — THE FROG — A BALLADE OF SUICIDE — A BALLADE OF AN ANTI-PURITAN
12. 12.FRENCH HUMOR — THE ETERNAL YAWNER — THE EDUCATION OF YOUNG LADIES — THE DEAD ALIVE — A SLIGHT MISUNDERSTANDING — INNOCENCE — THE SUPPER-PARTY OF THE THREE CAVALIERS — THÉOPHILE’S MOTHER-IN-LAW — CHAPTER TOUCHING THE OLFACTORY ORGAN — FANFRELUCHE — AN EVENING RECEPTION — THE GOOD FLEA AND THE WICKED KING — WILLIAM TELL
13. 13.GERMAN HUMOR — THE PATIENT CURED — THE RAVEN — THE DECORATED BOW — EPIGRAMS — A HORSE TIED TO A STEEPLE — A RATHER LARGE WHALE — THE HEN AND THE EGG — PEGASUS IN THE YOKE — THE PIGTAIL — THE DRUNKARD’S FANCY — EXCERPT FROM CLEVER GRETHEL — ARTIST AND PUBLIC — THE TOWN OF GÖTTINGEN — POPE AND SULTAN — CREDO
14. 14.ITALIAN HUMOR — THE ACADEMY OF SYLLOGRAPHS — ON MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS — TOOTH FOR TOOTH
15. 15.SPANISH HUMOR — THE ASS AND THE FLUTE — THE EGGS — THE COUNTRY SQUIRE
16. 16.RUSSIAN HUMOR — Ivan Chemnitzer THE PHILOSOPHER — THE LION’S COUNCIL OF STATE — Ivan Krylov THE SWAN, THE PIKE, AND THE CRAB — THE MUSICIANS — FROM KARLCHEN, THE CROCODILE — A MORAL MAN — BENEFICENCE AND GRATITUDE — PRAYER — PROVERBIAL WISDOM — THE DREAM-WIFE
17. 17.AMERICAN HUMOR — PAPER — THE BATTLE OF THE KEYS — THE COUNTRY PARSON — TO SALLY — A VISIT FROM ST. NICHOLAS — A CERTAIN YOUNG LADY — TO A MOSQUITO — ODE TO FORTUNE — OLD CHIMES — FABLE — LOVE IN A COTTAGE — MY FIRST VISIT TO PORTLAND — AFTER A WEDDING — THE HEIGHT OF THE RIDICULOUS — ÆSTIVATION — THERE WAS A LITTLE GIRL — MR. FINNEY’S TURNIP — THE ALARMED SKIPPER — MY FAMILIAR — TIGHT BOOTS — A HEN — WHAT MR. ROBINSON THINKS — I REMEMBER — “THERE’S A BOWER OF BEAN-VINES” — JACOB — REUBEN — BALLAD — PALABRAS GRANDIOSAS After T—— B—— A—— — ON “FORTS” — THE SOCIETY UPON THE STANISLAUS — TO THE PLIOCENE SKULL — LITTLE BREECHES — THAT GENTLE MAN FROM BOSTON TOWN AN IDYL OF OREGON — I BY H—Y W. L-NGF—— W — II BY J-HN GR—NL—F WH—T—R — III BY DR. OL-V-R W-ND-L H-LMES — IV BY R-LPH W-LDO EM-R—N — V By W-LL—M C-LL-N B-Y-NT — VI By N. P. W-LL-S — VII BY TH-M-S B-IL-Y ALD—CH — EVE’s DAUGHTER — THE WALLOPING WINDOW-BLIND — WHAT WILL WE DO? — “ SOLDIER, REST! ” — GUSHINGS OF A TENDAH SOUL — A THRENODY “The Akhoond of Swat is dead,”— London Papers of January 22, 1878 . — THE OSTRICH AND THE HEN — THE KIND-HEARTED SHE-ELEPHANT — THE V-A-S-E — A BOSTON LULLABY — THE SAD END OF BRER WOLF — THE DINKEY-BIRD — THE LITTLE PEACH — GOOD JAMES AND NAUGHTY REGINALD — THE GARDEN HOSE — WHAT’S IN A NAME? — A PHILOSOPHER — ON EXPERT TESTIMONY — THE COCKTAIL — THE FABLE OF THE CADDY WHO HURT HIS HEAD WHILE THINKING — ELIPHALET CHAPIN’S WEDDING — THE WRECK OF THE “JULIE PLANTE.” A Legend of Lake St. Peter. — THE PESSIMIST — IF I SHOULD DIE TO-NIGHT — CASEY AT THE BAT — MONA LISA — THE KISS — DESOLATION — JACK AND JILL — HOW A GIRL WAS TOO RECKLESS OF GRAMMAR — MINIVER CHEEVY — TWO MEN — MAVRONE ONE OF THOSE SAD IRISH POEMS, WITH NOTES — ELEGY — PHYLLIS LEE — SOME GEESE — THE CHIMPANZEE — THE HEN — MARK TWAIN: A PIPE DREAM — GOLD — AFTER HERRICK — THE PURPLE COW — THE INVISIBLE BRIDGE — VILLANELLE OF THINGS AMUSING — PSYCHOLOPHON Supposed to be Translated from the Old Parsee — THE IDIOT’S DELIGHT — THE MYSTERY — WOMAN — BALLADE OF A PUMPKIN — IN THE PUMPKIN
18. 18.INDEX — FOOTNOTES:

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