I.
If you travel post, when you approach
the town, or bourg where you intend to
lie, ask the post-boy, which house he recommends
as the best? and never go to
that, if there is any other.—Be previously
informed what other inns there are in the
same place. If you go according to the
post-boy's recommendation, the aubergiste
gives him two or three livres, which he
makes you pay the next morning. I know
but one auberge between Marseilles and
Paris, where this is not a constant practice,
and that is at Vermanton, five leagues
from Auxerre, where every English traveller
will find a decent landlord, Monsieur
Brunier, a St. Nicolas; good entertainment,
and no imposition, and consequently
an inn where no post-boy will drive, if he
can avoid it.
II.
If you take your own horses, they must
be provided with head-pieces, and halters;
the French stables never furnish any
such things; and your servant must take
care that the Garçon d'Ecurie does not
buckle them so tight, that the horses cannot
take a full bite, this being a common
practice, to save hay.
III.
If the Garçon d'Ecurie does not bring
the halters properly rolled up, when he
puts your horses to, he ought to have nothing
given him, because they are so constantly
accustomed to do it, that they cannot
forget it, but in hopes you may too.
IV.
Direct your servant, not only to see
your horses watered, and corn given them,
but to stand by while they eat it: this is
often necessary in England, and always in
France.
V.
If you eat at the table d'Hote, the price
is fixed, and you cannot be imposed upon.
If you eat in your own chamber, and order
your own dinner or supper, it is as necessary
to make a previous bargain with
your host for it, as it would be to bargain
with an itinerant Jew for a gold watch;
the conscience and honour of a French Aubergiste,
and a travelling Jew, are always
to be considered alike; and it is very remarkable,
that the publicans in France,
are the only people who receive strangers
with a cool indifference! and where this
indifference is most shewn, there is most
reason to be cautious.
VI.
Be careful that your sheets are well
aired, otherwise you will find them often,
not only damp, but perfectly wet.—Frenchmen
in general do not consider
wet or damp sheets dangerous, I am sure
French Aubergistes do not.
VII.
Young men who travel into France with
a view of gaining the language, should always
eat at the table d'Hote.—There is
generally at these tables, an officer, or a
priest, and though there may be none but
people of a middling degree, they will shew
every kind of attention and preference to
a stranger.
VIII.
It is necessary to carry your own pillows
with you; in some inns they have them;
but in villages, bourgs, &c. none are to be
had.
IX.
In the wine provinces, at all the table
d'Hotes, they always provide the common
wine, as we do small beer; wine is never
paid for separately, unless it is of a quality
above the vin du Pays; and when you call
for better, know the price before you
drink it.
X.
When fine cambrick handkerchiefs, &c.
are given to be washed, take care they are
not trimmed round two inches narrower,
to make borders to Madame la Blanchisseuse's
night caps: this is a little douceur
which they think themselves entitled to,
from my Lord Anglois, whom they are sure
is tres riche, and consequently ought to be
plundered by the poor.
XI.
Whenever you want honest information,
get it from a French officer, or a priest,
provided they are on the wrong side of forty;
but in general, avoid all acquaintance
with either, on the right side of thirty.
XII.
Where you propose to stay any time, be
very cautious with whom you make an acquaintance,
as there are always a number
of officious forward Frenchmen, and English
adventurers, ready to offer you their
services, from whom you will find it very
difficult to disengage yourself, after you
have found more agreeable company.—Frenchmen
of real fashion, are very circumspect,
and will not fall in love with you
at first sight; but a designing knave will
exercise every species of flattery, in order
to fix himself upon you for his dinner, or
what else he can get, and will be with
you before you are up, and after you are
in bed.
XIII.
Wherever there is any cabinet of curiosities,
medals, pictures, &c. to be seen,
never make any scruple to send a card, desiring
permission to view them; the request
is flattering to a Frenchman, and you will
never be refused; and besides this you will
in all probability thereby gain a valuable
acquaintance.—It is generally men of
sense and philosophy, who make such collections,
and you will find the collector
of them, perhaps, the most pleasing part
of the cabinet.
XIV.
Take it as a maxim, unalterable as the
laws of the Medes and Persians, that whenever
you are invited to a supper at Paris,
Lyons, or any of the great cities, where a
little trifling play commences before supper,
that great play is intended after
supper; and that you are the marked pigeon
to be plucked. Always remember
Lord Chesterfield's advice to his son: "If
you play with men, know with whom
you play; if with women, for what:"
and don't think yourself the more secure,
because you see at the same table some of
your own countrymen, though they are
Lords or Ladies; a London gambler would
have no chance in a Parisian party.
XV.
Dress is an essential and most important
consideration with every body in France.
A Frenchman never appears till his hair is
well combed and powdered, however slovenly
he may be in other respects.—Not
being able to submit every day to this ceremony,
the servant to a gentleman of fashion
at whose house I visited in Marseilles,
having forgot my name described me to
his master, as the gentleman whose hair
was toujours mal frise.—Dress is a foolish
thing, says Lord Chesterfield; yet it is a
foolish thing not to be well dressed.
XVI.
You cannot dine, or visit after dinner,
in an undress frock, or without a bag to
your hair; the hair en queue, or a little cape
to your coat, would be considered an unpardonable
liberty. Military men have an
advantage above all others in point of dress,
in France; a regimental or military coat
carries a man with a bonne grace into all
companies, with or without a bag to his
hair; it is of all others the properest dress
for a stranger in France, on many accounts.
XVII.
In France it is not customary to drink to
persons at table, nor to drink wine after
dinner: when the dessert is taken away, so
is the wine;—an excellent custom, and
worthy of being observed by all nations.
XVIII.
It is wrong to be led into any kind of
conversation, but what is absolutely necessary,
with the common, or indeed the
middling class of people in France. They
never fail availing themselves of the least
condescension in a stranger, to ask a number
of impertinent questions, and to conclude,
you answer them civilly, that they
are your equals.—Sentiment and bashfulness
are not to be met with, but among
people of rank in France: to be free and
easy, is the etiquette of the country; and
some kinds of that free and easy manner,
are highly offensive to strangers, and particularly
to a shy Englishman.
XIX.
When well-bred people flatter strangers,
they seldom direct their flattery to
the object they mean to compliment, but
to one of their own country:—As, what a
bonne grace the English have, says one to
the other, in a whisper loud enough to be
heard by the whole company, who all give
a nod of consent; yet in their hearts they
do not love the English of all other nations,
and therefore conclude, that the English
in their hearts do not love them.
XX.
No gentleman, priest, or servant, male
or female, ever gives any notice by knocking
before they enter the bed-chamber,
or apartment of ladies or gentlemen.—The
post-man opens it, to bring your letters;
the capuchin, to ask alms; and the
gentleman to make his visit. There is no
privacy, but by securing your door by a
key or a bolt; and when any of the middling
class of people have got possession of
your apartment, particularly of a stranger,
it is very difficult to get them out.
XXI.
There is not on earth, perhaps, so curious
and inquisitive a people as the lower
class of French: noise seems to be one of
their greatest delights. If a ragged boy
does but beat a drum or sound a trumpet,
he brings all who hear it about him, with
the utmost speed, and most impatient curiosity.—As
my monkey rode postillion,
in a red jacket laced with silver, I was obliged
to make him dismount, when I
passed thro' a town of any size: the people
gathered so rapidly about me at Moret,
three leagues from Fontainbleau, while I
stopped only to buy a loaf, that I verily believe
every man, woman, and child, except
the sick and aged, were paying their respects
to my little groom; all infinitely delighted;
for none offered the least degree
of rudeness.
XXII.
The French never give coffee, tea, or any
refreshment, except upon particular occasions,
to their morning or evening visitors.
XXIII.
When the weather is cold, the fire
small, and a large company, some young
Frenchman shuts the whole circle from receiving
any benefit from it, by placing
himself just before it, laying his sword
genteely over his left knee, and flattering
himself, while all the company wish him
at the devil, that the ladies are admiring
his legs: when he has gratified his vanity,
or is thoroughly warm, he sits down, or
goes, and another takes his place. I have
seen this abominable ill-breeding kept up
by a set of accomplished young fops for two
hours together, in exceeding cold weather.
This custom has been transplanted lately
into England.
XXIV.
Jealousy is scarce known in France; by
the time the first child is born, an indifference
generally takes place: the husband
and wife have their separate acquaintance,
and pursue their separate amusements,
undisturbed by domestic squabbles: when
they meet in the evening, it is with perfect
good humour, and in general, perfect good
breeding.—When an English wife plays
truant, she soon becomes abandoned: it is
not so with the French; they preserve appearances
and proper decorum, because
they are seldom attached to any particular
man. While they are at their toilet, they
receive the visits of their male acquaintance,
and he must be a man of uncommon
discernment, who finds out whom it
is she prefers at that time.—In the southern
parts of France, the women are in
general very free and easy indeed.
XXV.
It is seldom that virgins are seduced in
France; the married women are the objects
of the men of gallantry. The seduction
of a young girl is punished with
death; and when they fall, it is generally
into the arms of their confessor,—and that
is seldom disclosed. Auricular confession
is big with many mischiefs, as well as
much good. Where the penitent and the
confessor happen both to be young, he
makes her confess not only all her sins,
but sinful thoughts, and then, I fear he
knows more than his prudence can absolve
decently, and even when the confessor is old,
the penitent may not be out of danger.
XXVI.
Never ask a Frenchman his age; no
question whatever can be more offensive to
him, nor will he ever give you a direct,
though he may a civil answer.—Lewis
the XVth was always asking every man
about him, his age. A King may take
that liberty, and even then, it always gives
pain.—Lewis the XIVth said to Comte de
Grammont, "Je sais votre age, l'Eveque de
Senlis qui a 84 ans, m'a donne pour epoque,
que vous avez etudie ensemble dans la meme
classe." Cet Eveque, Sire, (replied the
Comte,) n'accuse pas juste, car ni lui, ni moi
n'avons jamais Etudie.—Before I knew
how offensive this question was to a
Frenchman, I have had many equivocal
answers,—such as, O! mon dieu, as old
as the town, or, I thank God, I am in
good health, &c.
XXVII.
A modern French author says, that the
French language is not capable of the jeux
de mots. Les jeux de mots, are not, says he,
in the genius de notre langue, qui est grave,
de serieuse. Perhaps it maybe so; but the
language, and the men, are then so different,
that I thought quite otherwise,—though
the following beautiful specimen
of the seriousness of the language ought,
in some measure; to justify his remark:
Un seul est frappé, & tous sont delivrés,
Dieu frappe sons fils innocent, pour l'amour
Des hommes coupables, & pardonne aux hommes
Coupables, pour l'amour de son fils innocent.
XXVIII.
All English women, as well as women of
other nations, prefer France to their own
country; because in France there is much
less restraint on their actions, than there is,
(should I not say, than there was?) in England.
All Englishmen, however, who have
young and beautiful wives, should, if they
are not indifferent about their conduct, avoid
a trip to Paris, &c. tho' it be but for
"a six weeks tour." She must be good
and wise too, if six weeks does not corrupt
her mind and debauch her morals, and
that too by her own sex, which is infinitely
the most dangerous company. A French
woman is as great an adept at laughing an
English-woman into all contempt of fidelity
to her husband, as married English-women
are in general, in preparing them
during their first pregnancy, for the touch
of a man-midwife,—and both from the
same motive; i.e. to do, as they have done,
and bring all the sex upon a level.
XXIX.
The French will not allow their language
to be so difficult to speak properly, as the
English language; and perhaps they are in
the right; for how often do we meet with
Englishmen who speak French perfectly?
how seldom do we hear a Frenchman speak
English without betraying his country by
his pronunciation? It is not so with the
Spaniards; I conversed with two Spaniards
who were never twenty miles from Barcelona,
that spoke English perfectly well.—How,
for instance, shall a Frenchman who
cannot pronounce the English, be able to
understand, (great as the difference is)
what I mean when I say the sun is an hour
high? May he not equally suppose that I
said the sun is in our eye?
XXX.
When you make an agreement with an
aubergiste where you intend to lie, take
care to include beds, rooms, &c. or he will
charge separately for these articles.
XXXI.
After all, it must be confessed, that Mons.
Dessein's a l'Hotel d'Angleterre at Calais,
is not only the first inn strangers of fashion
generally go to, but that it is also the first
and best inn in France. Dessein is the decoy-duck,
and ought to have a salary from
the French government: he is always sure
of a good one from the English.
XXXII.
In frontier or garrison towns, where they
have a right to examine your baggage, a
twenty-four sols piece, and assuring the officer
that you are a gentleman, and not a
merchant, will carry you through without
delay.
XXXIII.
Those who travel post should, before
they set out, put up in parcels the money
for the number of horses they use for one
post, two posts, and a post et demi, adding
to each parcel, that which is intended to
be given to the driver, or drivers, who are
intitled by the King's ordinance to five
sols a post; and if they behave ill, they
should be given no more; when they are
civil, ten or twelve sols a post is sufficient.
If these packets are not prepared, and
properly marked, the traveller, especially
if he is not well acquainted with the money,
cannot count it out while the horses
are changing, from the number of beggars
which surround the carriage and who will
take no denial.
XXXIV.
People of rank and condition, either going
to, or coming from the continent, by
writing to Peter Fector, Esq; at Dover,
will find him a man of property and character,
on whom they may depend.
LASTLY,
Valetudinarians, or men of a certain
age, who travel into the southern parts of
France, Spain, or Italy, should never omit
to wear either a callico or fine flannel waistcoat
under their shirts: strange as it may
seem to say so, this precaution is more
necessary in the south of France, than in
England. In May last it was so hot at Lyons,
on the side of the streets the sun shone
on, and so cold on the shady side, that
both were intolerable. The air is much
more vif and penetrating in hot climates,
than in cold. A dead dog, thrown into
the streets of Madrid at night, will not
have a bit of flesh upon his bones after it
has been exposed to that keen air twenty-four
hours.
FINIS.
List of possible typos and transcriber changes:
Ltr. 34 para. 2: monnments [monuments?]
Several inscriptions were blurred or missing in this source. Educated guesses were made in a few cases.
Ltr. 36: This is what was visible to the transcriber:
L DOMIT. DOMITIANI
EX TRIERARCHI CLASS. GERM.
D PECCO****A VALENTINA M
CO*****ENTISSIMA.
Some characters blurred or missing. The full transcription was
entered from other sources.
Some of this looks wrong--e.g. the third line should probably begin P F,
rather than PE--but it matches the text as printed.
Ltr. 52 para. 2: Typo: that [than?]
Ltr. 54 para. 3: Typo: hundry [hungry?]